Brides of the Kindred

Book 6: Pursued

by

Evangeline Anderson

KINDLE EDITION

* * * * *

PUBLISHED BY:

Evangeline Anderson on Amazon

Brides of the Kindred

Book 6: Pursued

Copyright © 2012 by Evangeline Anderson

Kindle Edition License Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be resold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another

person, please purchase an additional copy for each person you share it with. If you're

reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only,

then you should return to Amazon.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for

respecting the author's work.

This book is dedicated to Barb Rice:

Thanks for being a great friend and helping me through my editing crisis!

You're the best.

Hugs, E.

Author’s Note #1—Though I have tried to handle the subject sensitively, parts of this book may be disturbing to anyone who has experienced sexual abuse in the past.

Author’s Note #2—I've been threatening to write a YA book for ages and I finally have one almost ready to go. It's called The Academy and you can find a blurb and excerpt at the end of this book, after the epilogue. I am going to be writing my YA books under the name Emmaline Andrews, to avoid leading underage readers to my erotica books. Getting a new pen name off the ground always takes some work so I will be handing out free review copies to those who are willing to read and review for me when the book comes out. Look me up on FaceBook http://www.facebook.com/evangeline.anderson.773 and friend me or just drop me a line when the book comes out.

For those of you who just want more Kindred, never fear, book 7, Exiled, will be coming out in Fall of 2012.

Author’s Note #3— No piracy, please guys. I make my living off these books and I keep the prices reasonable so you can afford to buy them rather than stealing them. If you keep buying, I can afford to keep writing and we're all happy campers. Thank you.

Author’s Note #4—You’ve probably already figured this out but this is the sixth book in the Brides of the Kindred series. Since it takes up directly where book 5, Revealed, left off, I recommend that you read Claimed, Hunted, Sought, Found, and Revealed before attempting to dive into Pursued.

Author’s Note #5—Last but not least, (yeah, I know I'm wordy this time around) I just want to say that after hearing many complaints about my website, I am getting it completely updated and made-over. Crocodesigns is going to be doing the work and it should be ready in August. I'm going to have some new free reads and some cool new pages so if you think about it, come check me out at www.evangelineanderson.com during the hottest month of the year. Although I can't promise I'll have anything to cool you down... ; )

Hugs and Happy Reading to you all!

Evangeline Anderson

Chapter One

Elise felt like her stomach had dropped right out of her body. “James. Oh my God, James! How could I forget?”

“So this is true?” Merrick demanded. “You have a fiancé? You were calling out for someone named Buck, but I thought—”

“No, no.” Elise shook her head impatiently. “Buck was a dog I owned when I was a kid. He had one blue eye and one…” She looked up at Merrick’s mismatched eyes and bit her lip. “And one gold,” she finished in a small voice.

His eyes, one bright blue and one deep gold, narrowed and he stood suddenly, spilling her out of his lap. “A dog? As in, a fucking pet?”

Elise stumbled but he didn’t catch her. She grabbed the rail of the bed and tried to steady herself. “Please, you don’t understand.”

“No, I fucking don’t,” Merrick snarled. “Just a minute ago you were all over me, begging me not to leave you, and now it turns out you have a Goddess-damned fiancé.”

“I forgot!” Elise cried. “I don’t know how I could—we’ve been engaged for well over a year. But somehow I completely forgot him! I swear, it’s true, Merrick.”

“Sure it is.” He ran a hand over his skull-cut hair. “Gods. I’m an idiot. Thinking a female like you could care for someone like me.”

“I do care,” Elise protested. “I swear I do.”

“Right.” He nodded shortly, his face suddenly impassive. “In that case, let’s go meet this James of yours. I want to see what kind of male is so forgettable you can be engaged to him for over a year and not even remember him.”

He grabbed Elise’s arm and dragged her toward the door. Suddenly the blonde nurse, Olivia, was in the way.

“I don’t think so, Merrick,” she said, frowning up at him. “She’s my patient, and you’re not going to hurt her, no matter how angry you are.”

“Hurt her? You think I’m going to hurt her?” Merrick dropped Elise’s arm suddenly. “Don’t worry about that,” he snarled. “I’m not a fucking beater. I just want to meet her male—that’s all.”

“I’ll come with you, just in case.” Olivia took Elise’s arm and led the way. “Come on, maybe it’s all just a mistake.”

“It’s no mistake,” Elise said miserably. “We’re engaged, all right. I just…I don’t understand how I could have forgotten.” The truth was, all she had been able to think about was Merrick. Somehow the huge Kindred had driven everything else out of her mind. But a quick look over her shoulder at his scarred, scowling face told her he wouldn’t want to hear that. He thinks I’m lying, she thought, feeling sick. He thinks I was leading him on all this time—and I don’t blame him! How could I be so stupid? What’s wrong with me?

“You’ve been through a lot, hon.” Olivia put an arm around her shoulder and squeezed comfortingly. “It’s no wonder a few things slipped your mind.” She shot a glare at Merrick who returned it with interest.

“Being promised to another male for over a year is a pretty fucking big thing to slip your mind,” he growled.

They were coming to the end of a long hallway and Olivia turned and pointed a finger at him. “We’re almost here, so keep a civil tongue in your head, Merrick. You need to remember that Elise was the one who was kidnapped and…and hurt. She’s been through a lot of trauma, and I don’t need you adding to it. Am I making myself perfectly clear?”

His eyes narrowed and he loomed over her. “You’re very fucking lucky you’re female, you know that?”

Olivia drew herself up. “Are you threatening me?”

“No,” he said shortly. “I’m saying you shouldn’t be threatening me. You don’t have to tell me what Elise went through. I found her, remember? I saw the bruises and cuts that sick bastard left on her skin. I know what he—”

“Please!” Elise burst out. Her heart was racing and her palms were damp. The vault, she thought wildly. Keep it in the vault. If she let the memory of what had happened on the Fathership come back, she was sure other—worse—memories would follow.

“Elise?” Olivia frowned. “You’re white as a sheet, honey.”

“I just can’t…” Elise took a deep breath, trying to calm herself. “I have to go in there and talk to James,” she said at last. “And I can’t do it with you two fighting like this.”

“Fine.” Merrick crossed his arms over his chest. “I won’t say a fucking word.”

“That’s more like it.” Olivia nodded approvingly and put her arm around Elise again. “Come on, sweetie, let’s go. You’re going to be fine.”

Feeling like her feet were made of lead, Elise forced herself to go into the viewing room. It was fairly large and one whole wall was dominated by a massive viewscreen. But the face on the screen wasn’t James’—it was Pamela, his blonde, curvaceous secretary.

“Pam?” she asked weakly.

“Oh, hello, Elise.” Pam gave her a smile that didn’t quite reach her wide blue eyes. She smoothed the tight-fitting pink cashmere sweater she was wearing down over her ample D-cup breasts and her eyes flicked over Elise disapprovingly. “You look…nice.”

Elise was suddenly aware that she was still wearing the too-loose crimson hospital johnny and her hair was a frowzy mess. “Where’s James?” she asked, trying to sound confident. “I was told that he called me.”

“Working, of course. You can’t expect him to make his own calls—he’s a busy boy, you know.” Pamela laughed coyly, that bubbling, Marilyn Monroe giggle that never failed to get on Elise’s last nerve. “If you’ll hold for just a minute, I’ll go get him.”

“Oh, okay,” Elise said belatedly but the screen had already gone blank.

She stood there waiting in front of the dark viewscreen, feeling like an idiot. She didn’t usually let Pamela bother her but then again, most of the time when she called James, she was dressed in courtroom attire with her hair in a neat and tidy bun. She started to smooth down the cloudy black mass around her head but stopped abruptly when she saw Merrick glaring at her.

Before either of them could say anything, the screen winked into life again and the face of her fiancée was suddenly staring back at her. Looking at his clean cut, handsome face and dark blue eyes, Elise wondered how she could have ever forgotten him. As usual, he was wearing a hand-tailored suit that cost more than most cars and an elegant silk tie the color of dried blood. The color set off his tanned skin perfectly, and when he smiled, his teeth were toothpaste-commercial white. Elise could almost catch a whiff of his expensive cologne as he leaned toward the viewscreen to study her.

“Elise? Is that you, darling? My God—what have they done to you?” His smile faded into a look of concern and horror.

“I’m fine, James.” Elise couldn’t stop herself from smoothing her hair this time. She wished fiercely for some bobby pins or anything else to tame it and pull it back, to make it lie down decently as it should.

“You don’t look fine.” He looked at her uncertainly. “You know, I was most dreadfully worried about you when I heard. You really should have told me you were leaving Tampa.”

“You were away on your business trip, and besides, I thought I could just slip away to Sarasota by myself and relax.” Elise hated the defensive tone in her voice but she couldn’t seem to help it. “I just wanted a day off. Unfortunately, it turned into an extended vacation.” She tried to laugh and couldn’t quite manage it.

“Well, you should have reached me earlier. I just got back into town yesterday and imagine my surprise when I got the news. I was shocked, darling. Simply shocked.” James’ clipped, upper-crust British accent deepened, as it always did when he was upset.

“I…I didn’t want to worry you,” Elise faltered. “I…I know I should have called you. It just…just slipped my mind.” Of course, that wasn’t the only thing that had slipped her mind. She cast another sidelong glance at Merrick to see if he was still glaring at her. But this time, his attention seemed to be directed at her fiancé.

“Why didn’t you call Elise?” he demanded, his promise to “not say a fucking word” apparently forgotten. “Hell, why didn’t you come up here right away?”

James frowned. “I’m sorry…and you are…?”

“Merrick.” Merrick growled.

“Merrick who?” James asked. “You Kindred usually say what planet you’re from. I’ve met quite a few of your people during my business travels,” he added, smiling charmingly.

But Elise could tell Merrick wasn’t in the least bit charmed. “It’s just Merrick,” he said, frowning. “And I don’t claim a home world because none of the Kindred home worlds claim me.”

“Well, how very…interesting,” James murmured politely.

“Merrick saved me.” Elise jumped into the conversation, desperate to end the awkward silence that ensued. “He found me and brought me to the Mothership. If it wasn’t for him, I’d still be—be lost.” The words seemed to stick in her throat. They were true in so many ways—ways she still couldn’t even being to understand.

James’ face cleared at once. “Ah, of course—the intrepid rescuer.” He leaned toward the viewscreen, smiling at Merrick. “I am, of course, eternally grateful to you for bringing my darling girl back to me. If there’s anything I can do for you in the way of a reward…” He reached into the breast pocket of his expensive jacket as though searching for his credit-book.

Elise bit her lip and glanced up at Merrick. Oh, this isn’t going to go over well. “James,” she began but Merrick was already glowering.

“Keep your fucking money,” he snarled. “I’d rather hear an explanation of why it took you so long to find out your fiancée was missing.”

James looked offended. “I was away on the other side of the world in a sequestered negotiation, not that it’s any of your business. I heard about Elise’s ordeal the moment I got back and I took pains—great pains—to be certain she was all right. I didn’t bother her until now because I assumed she’d be resting.”

“Resting. Right.” Merrick looked completely unconvinced.

“Who did you talk to?” Elise asked her fiancé, once again trying to save the conversation. “Was it Harry at the office? Because—”

“No, no—you know I try not to bother anyone at your work.” James shook his head. “Your father got hold of me.”

Elise felt like someone had punched her in the gut. “You mean my stepfather?” she asked in a strangled voice. “I…he called you?”

“I think he was trying to feel me out—to see if I was good enough for his little girl.” James winked, apparently oblivious to her distress. “Luckily, we got along famously. He’s quite a man—built his business from the ground up. You can’t blame him for being a bit protective of the heiress of the Harks empire.”

Merrick raised his eyebrows and even Olivia looked surprised. “So you’re an heiress?” she asked.

“No, I’m not. Not really,” Elise mumbled. “I don’t want his money—he knows that.” Blood money, whispered a voice in her head but she pushed it away.

“Now, darling, Charles told me all about it,” James said. “How you were a rebellious teen—never really took to him after your own father left the picture.” He cleared his throat, appearing to realize that Merrick and Olivia were still listening. “Of course, now isn’t the time to talk about it, but I think it would be nice if you two would get together. Bury the old hatchet. He was most frightfully worried about you, you know.”

“I bet he was.” Elise swallowed, trying to get hold of herself. Now wasn’t the time to go digging up the past—there was never going to be a good time for that. But though she was a coward when it came to facing the ghosts in her own personal vault of horrors, there were some things she couldn’t lie or pretend about. “James,” she said, in a stronger voice. “There’s something I have to tell you.”

“Well, of course, darling. And we’ll have a lovely chat as soon as you get home.” James looked at his vintage Cartier watch. “Which should be soon, yes? I certainly hope so. I want to see you before I have to catch my flight for Japan.”

“Well,” Elise began reluctantly. “They did say I was ready to go home but I really need to—”

“She’ll be on the next shuttle down to Earth,” Merrick interrupted her.

Elise looked up at him, shocked and hurt. She wasn’t sure how it was going to come out, but she had been determined to tell her fiancé about Merrick—about the strange new relationship that had developed between them so quickly. But now it seemed there was nothing to tell.

“Excellent!” James looked pleased. “I won’t even send a car—I’ll pick you up myself.”

“How very fucking noble of you,” Merrick growled under his breath.

“I’m sorry—I didn’t quite catch that,” James frowned.

“Nothing.” Merrick shook his head. “Elise will be down within the hour—as long as she’s cleared to go.” He looked at Olivia who nodded.

“She should be fine. I know Sylvan was doing some research into the post-stasis condition but he hasn’t found any contraindications to Elise leaving. All her vitals are good and strong and she seems to be completely healed.” She looked at Merrick. “Will you be flying her yourself?”

Elise’s heart jumped. If Merrick took her maybe she could explain—they could talk about what had happened and—

“No.” He shook his head. “Find somebody else.” He must have seen the disappointment and hurt in Elise’s eyes because he added, “My, uh, ship’s not quite ready to go yet. I’m still running the last diagnostic.”

“All right, then.” Olivia squeezed Elise’s arm. “Looks like you’re going home.”

“I guess so.” Elise tried to look happy but all she could manage was a weak, wavering smile. Instead of being thrilled that her long ordeal was over and she could go back to her handsome fiancé and normal life, she felt sick with unhappiness. Get over it, she told herself roughly. What were you going to do? Give up practicing law and stay on the Mothership with a man you just met? She glanced up at Merrick—his towering height, his scarred face and mismatched eyes and thought, Yes. Yes, I would if I could.

But it was clear he didn’t want her. In fact, he wouldn’t even meet her eyes.

“Well, then.” James, on the viewscreen, was looking at her sharply. “I guess I’ll see you soon. Are you quite certain you’re all right, darling?”

“Yes,” Elise whispered and then forced herself to speak louder. “Yes, I…I’m sure.”

“Wonderful. I’ll see you within the hour.” He smiled. “I can’t wait to hold you again.”

Such a public admission of affection was huge coming from the normally reticent James. In the past it would have sent a flock of butterflies spiraling through her stomach. This time Elise felt like she’d swallowed a bar of lead. “I…I can’t wait to see you either, James,” she murmured.

He smiled again and the viewscreen went blank.

* * * * *

“Merrick? Merrick, please wait!” Elise reached for him as he was turning away. Though he hated to admit it, the touch of her soft, small hand still did things to his body. Still made him want to sweep her into his arms and hold her tight. Gritting his teeth, Merrick ignored the stupid impulse.

“What do you want?” he growled, only half turning. “I’m busy. Hell—you are, too. You gotta catch a flight back to your fiancé before you forget him again.”

“You have to believe me—I really did forget him. And I…I don’t want…” Her big brown eyes were swimming with tears. The hurt on her face stuck in his heart like a barb, but Merrick ignored it grimly.

“You don’t want what?” he demanded. “Don’t want to go back to your rich-ass fiancé? Don’t want to go back to your happy, successful life down on Earth?”

“I don’t want it to end this way,” she whispered. “I can’t…I was trying to tell him.”

“Tell him what? There’s nothing to tell.”

“You’re lying.” She lifted her chin and stared him in the eyes. “You felt it too—the connection between us. You told me so.”

“What if I did?” Merrick turned to face her fully. “Look at me, Elise.” He held out his hands, indicating the entire, rough and ugly package that was his hybrid self. “I’ve got nothing to offer you,” he said. “Nothing to my name but a modified star-duster and a nasty reputation. That guy on the viewscreen, he’s got money, power—he can give you what you want. What you need. Go home to him. It’s where you belong.”

“What if…what if I don’t belong there anymore?” she whispered. “What if I want to stay here…with you?”

Merrick’s heart fisted in his chest but he ignored it. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice and I’m a fucking idiot. “I’d say that’s too damn bad,” he growled, giving her his best blank face. “Since I’m not staying.”

“But…then where will you go?” Her brown eyes were wide with apprehension.

“Away.” Merrick made a sweeping gesture with one arm. “Anywhere away from here. And there’s only room on my ship for one. Me.”

“Fine.” She dashed the tears from her eyes angrily and stood up straight. “If that’s the way you want to be.”

“Wanting has nothing to do with it.” Merrick laughed harshly. “It’s the way I am.”

“So…I guess this is it.” She took a deep breath. “This is goodbye. We—we’ll probably never see each other again.”

“Probably not.” Merrick shrugged, as though completely unconcerned though his insides felt frozen. “The universe is a big fucking place.”

Elise bit her lip, the anger fading from her face. “All right, I guess I can accept that. But if this is the end, can I…can I at least hug you goodbye?”

He could tell what it cost her to make the request—how it hurt her pride to beg for that one simple thing—for a last bit of comfort and contact. But his own heart was hurting too—wounded and aching, though he didn’t want to admit it, even to himself.

“Sorry,” he said shortly. “I don’t have time—gotta finish that diagnostic on my ship.” He nodded at her, keeping his face hard and his words clipped. “Have a nice life, Elise Darden.” Then he turned on his heel and walked away.

“Merrick!” It was no more than an anguished whisper but he heard it anyway. Heard it and almost turned back. But what the hell good would that do? She has a life. She has a male. She doesn’t need me, he reminded himself. And somehow he kept walking.

Kept walking until he could no longer smell her scent in the air or hear her soft, hopeless sobs behind him.

Chapter Two

What’s wrong with you? Get hold of yourself! Elise told herself sternly. But no matter how hard she tried to hold her emotions in check, the misery inside her couldn’t quite be contained. Tears leaked from her eyes, despite all she could do to stop them, and her hands trembled as she wrapped her arms around herself and tried to hold on. Tried to keep from shaking herself apart.

“Hey…” Olivia’s voice was soft and kind. “Hey, hon, I’m so sorry.” She put an arm around Elise and hugged her gently. “Cry if you need to. It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not.” Sniffing, Elise lifted her chin and made another effort to regain control. “He’s right. I have to get on with my life and he has to get on with his. I just…I don’t know why it hurts so much. I’ve only known him a few days.”

“Kindred guys get under your skin fast,” Olivia murmured knowingly.

“I guess they must.” Elise shook her head. “I know I shouldn’t have forgotten James but all I could think about was…was Merrick.”

“Don’t worry about it. After what you’ve been through, nobody would blame you if you forgot your own name,” Olivia said comfortingly.

“I suppose.” Elise sighed. “Well, I guess I’d better get dressed and…and go home.” Her voice broke on the last word but somehow she managed to keep herself from crying again. Score one for the toughest prosecutor in Tampa, she thought sourly. I managed to keep from bawling like a baby. At this rate I’ll be emotionally stable and ready to go back to court in no time.

Olivia looked at her with obvious concern. “Do you really want to go? Or would you rather stay and talk to Merrick again? Because if you want to speak to him, I’ll go get him, and I can promise he’ll listen—I’ll see to that myself.” There was a steely glint in her gray eyes that made Elise believe she could carry through on her vow.

The prospect was tempting. Maybe if I could just see him one more time, I could make him listen, make him understand. Maybe if I…No. Reluctantly, she shook her head. “I’m afraid he’s right—there’s nothing more to say. I guess…guess I’d better be getting home.”

“All right, if you’re sure…” Olivia gave her an impulsive squeeze. “Listen, if you want to talk, I understand at least some of what you’re going through. I was captured by the AllFather too, you know. And I’ve had my share of Kindred man-troubles.”

“Thank you.” Elise hugged her back gratefully. “You’re very kind, but I think I just want to go home.”

“I understand.” Olivia pulled back and smiled. “But the offer still stands. Anytime you need someone to talk to about all this, just come to the HKR building and call me on the viewscreen.”

“I’ll remember that.” Elise sniffed and wiped her eyes. “Or I could just call you from James’ office—he has a viewscreen of his own.”

“Oh, I thought that background didn’t look like the HKR building.” Olivia nodded thoughtfully. “He must be really well-to-do to have one of his own. I understand they’re very expensive.”

Elise gave her a watery smile. “Nothing but the very best for James. He only wants the most exclusive equipment and he wants to be the first one to have it.”

Olivia frowned. “Did he get it used from one of the HKR buildings when they did an upgrade or something?”

“Oh, no,” Elise shook her head. “James never wants anything used. He had it built and installed to his specifications. He loves being the only businessman on the Eastern seaboard to have his own viewscreen. But if he found out someone else had it first…” She gave a choked laugh. “Let’s just say he wouldn’t be very pleased.”

“Sounds like he has good taste.” Olivia smiled at her. “He must, if he has you for a fiancée, don’t you think?”

Elise knew the blonde nurse was trying to cheer her up and she tried to smile. “You’re very sweet to say that. I…I guess I’d better get ready to go back to him.”

“I guess so.” Olivia smiled. “Come on, I found you something nice to wear for your trip back. I promised I would—remember?”

“Oh yes.” Vaguely, Elise did recall asking for some new clothes for the trip back to Earth. But it seemed like such a long time ago it was hard to remember. “Yes, of course.”

She followed Olivia back to the med station but she couldn’t keep herself from casting one longing glance down the corridor in the opposite direction. The direction Merrick had gone when he left.

* * * * *

“Hey, where did Elise go?”

Liv looked up from entering patient information on her monitor. She was standing at her post near the back of the busy but relatively quiet med station, and wondered how anyone could have snuck up on her. To her surprise, it was her cousin standing there with a covered plate in one hand and a tentative smile on her face.

“Oh hi, Lauren. She went home.” Liv sighed. “Just a little while ago, actually. I was going to tell you guys as soon as my shift ended.”

“Oh.” Lauren’s face fell. “I’m sorry I missed her. I was just coming over to tell her she could talk to me about, you know, what she went through if she wanted. But I guess I waited too long.”

Liv shook her head. “I don’t think she would have talked, hon. I offered too but she put me off. She’s a really sweet girl, but there’s something about her—she’s closed inside somehow.”

Lauren frowned. “Really? From the way you described how she acted with Merrick, I never would have thought that.”

“Oh, Merrick…” Liv sighed. “I’m afraid that’s part of the problem. Things, uh, didn’t really end well between them.”

“What?” Lauren’s amber eyes widened. “But you said they were just getting going. And it’s already over?”

“Afraid so.” Olivia eyed that covered plate in her cousin’s hand. “Hey, are those what I think they are?”

Lauren grinned. “If you’re thinking they’re double chocolate, chocolate chip cupcakes with dark chocolate icing then yes… yes they are.”

“Mmm…” Liv’s stomach rumbled at the very thought and the baby kicked at the same time. “Oh!” she gasped, putting a hand to her curved belly. “I think Junior wants one of those almost as much as I do.”

Lauren laughed. “He gave you a little hint, did he?”

“Kicked me right in the bladder,” Liv admitted. “Now I don’t know whether I want to eat or pee worse.”

“Is your shift almost over? I know we’re supposed to have a girl day later, but you could come to my place and do both. And you can have as many cupcakes as you want. I’ve even got some extra dill-pickle icing to go with them.” Lauren lifted the plate enticingly. “Come on, cuz, you know you want to.”

Liv smiled and gave her cousin a penetrating look. “I guess I can clock out a few minutes early. But Lauren, this is about more than just cupcakes and Elise, isn’t it?”

Lauren looked down at her slim brown hands holding the plate. “Well…yeah, kind of. I wanted to talk to someone about you know, pregnancy issues. And since you’re almost two quadmesters ahead of me I thought…”

“Of course.” Olivia smiled at her cousin’s still-flat belly. “But you’ll be catching up with me in no time. Come on, let me clock out and we’ll got back to your place.”

They made their way through the quiet hum of the med station and Liv was about to clock out when a large hand landed on her shoulder. Turning in surprise, she saw Sylvan standing there looking very upset.

“Where's Elise?” he asked urgently. “I went to her room but I was told she’d been discharged. Where is she?”

“She went back to Earth,” Liv said. “Shouldn’t I have let her go? I thought you said she was okay to be released.”

“I thought she was.” Sylvan ran a hand through his spiky hair distractedly. “But something was bothering me. I remembered one last source on stasis sickness I had neglected to check…” He shook his head. “Well, at least she’s with Merrick. That should mitigate most of the effects until we can get her back up here.”

Liv frowned. “But she’s not with him. He got upset when it came out that she had a fiancé she’d forgotten about.”

“A what?” Sylvan and Lauren said together.

Liv shook her head. “Never mind—it’s a long story. The point is, I had to get one of the spare pilots from the docking bay to take Elise back to Earth.”

“They’re separated?” Sylvan demanded in uncharacteristic agitation. “Seven hells! Well then, where is he?”

“He said something about running a diagnostic on his ship.” Liv bit her lip. “I think he wanted to leave the Mother Ship as soon as he could—he was pretty upset.”

But she found she was speaking the last words to empty space. Sylvan had already left the med station, practically running in the direction of the docking bay.

* * * * *

Merrick tightened a last lug nut on the inside of his star-duster’s engine and closed the casing. Stepping back, he wiped his grimy hands on a rag and eyed the little craft critically. “There—that should hold. Good enough for now anyway.” He’d meant to do a more complete diagnostic on the little ship, but now he just wanted to get finished and leave the Mother Ship and all the new, hurtful memories he’d made here behind.

Stop thinking about it, he commanded himself. Stop thinking about her. But no matter what he said or did, he couldn’t get that hurt look on her face out of his mind. Couldn’t forget that soft, sobbing way she’d whispered his name as he walked away.

What he didn’t understand was how he could have been fooled into thinking a female like her could care for a male like him. But Elise had seemed so helpless and innocent and he hadn’t smelled another male on her at all. If she and her fiancé had made love—Merrick gritted his teeth at the thought but forced himself to continue—if they had made love even once in the past year or so, his sensitive hybrid nose would have picked up on the faint trace of male musk he would have left on her. But there was nothing—nothing but Elise’s own sweet, fresh scent that drove him crazy whenever he smelled it. So what was going on?

Merrick frowned. From what he knew of her culture, it didn’t seem like the females were in the business of waiting until they got joined to have sex, like they did on Tranq Prime. So was Elise a virgin? Somehow he didn’t think so. She had none of the uncertainty and trepidation of a female who’s never had sex before. But she obviously hadn’t had sex with her fiancé either, unless Merrick’s nose was wrong. And it was never wrong.

They’ve been promised for over a year but he hasn’t claimed her. Why? He stared at the side of his star-duster as though the answers might magically appear in the dull silver metal. Why wouldn’t he at least try to mark her as his own? Why wouldn’t she—Then the harsh voice of reality broke in.

The real question is,why are you still thinking about her? She’s nothing to you—less than nothing. She’s not even—

“Merrick! Thank the Goddess I caught you!”

He turned in surprise to see Sylvan coming up behind him, his boots echoing with his rapid footsteps. “Sylvan—what is it?” His old friend was noticeably upset and anxious—completely out of character for the normally cool and collected Tranq Kindred.

“I’m so relieved.” Sylvan came to a halt in front of him and ran a hand through his hair. “I was told by Control that you already had clearance for take off.”

Merrick shifted uncomfortably. “Yeah, well…I didn’t want to waste any time. Look, I know I should have come to tell you goodbye first but I figured you’d understand after Olivia talked to you.”

“Yes, yes, she told me something about Elise having a forgotten fiancé.” Sylvan made a shooing gesture with one hand as though the information was of no importance. “The point is, she’s left the ship prematurely and she’s in danger.”

Merrick’s heart jumped in his chest but he tried not to show his distress. “So?” he said casually. “Why come running to me? What can I do?”

“You have to bring her back here, right now,” Sylvan said. “It’s of the utmost importance.”

Merrick frowned. “Why me? You want her back on the ship, you go get her. She’s no longer under my protection.”

Sylvan looked frustrated. “Because I can’t help her. No one can help her but you—you’re the only one who can feed her hunger.” The way he emphasized the word let Merrick know he meant more than a physical craving for food.

“Hunger?” He frowned. “What in the seven hells is that?”

“I don’t have time to explain.” Sylvan faced him and took him by the shoulders. “Old friend,” he said, looking Merrick in the eyes. “I know you’re angry with her now, but I saw the way you acted around Elise—the way you cared for her. If you have even a drop of that emotion left inside you, I beg you to go after her now. Go get her and bring her back to the Mother Ship before it’s too late.”

Merrick couldn’t play it cool anymore. “Fucking hell, Sylvan!” he growled, running a hand over his skull-cut hair. “She’s got a male. One she neglected to mention the entire time we were together.”

“I know she does,” Sylvan held his eyes, not allowing Merrick to look away. “But he’s not the one she needs right now. She needs you, Merrick. You’re the only one who can save her.”

“Goddess damn it!” Merrick pounded a fist against the side of his ship, making a hollow clanging sound that echoed in the docking bay. His insides felt like someone had taken a blowtorch to them. On the one hand, the need to see Elise again was an almost physical ache in the center of his chest. On the other, the idea of going down to get her and seeing her hanging all over that rich bastard of a fiancé made him grind his teeth in frustration. “I can’t wait to hold you again.” That was exactly what he said, the way he ended their conversation, he thought. Nobody oughta be holding her but me! She’s mine—mine!

It was irrational, stupid, and untrue, but he couldn’t deny the way he felt. Couldn’t lie to himself about what he wanted. And at that moment he knew—knew that no matter how angry and hurt he was, he couldn’t stand by and let Elise die—not if he could save her.

“Merrick?” Sylvan made his name a question and Merrick knew what he was asking.

“Fine,” he said roughly. “I’ll go. What do you want me to do, just bring her straight back?”

“Yes.” Sylvan nodded. “But there’s one more thing.”

“What?” Merrick was in the act of swinging into the cockpit of his star-duster but he stopped to hear his friend’s last words.

“Touch her.” Sylvan looked at him seriously. “If you want to save her, you have to touch her.”

Chapter Three

During the trip down to Earth, Elise felt more and more unwell. She told herself uneasily that it was just motion sickness. It always happened to her if she got into a moving vehicle on an empty stomach, and she hadn’t eaten a thing since the night before. And though the Kindred pilot was flying with smooth, professional precision, the vehicle she was in was capable of pulling more Gs than a roller coaster—a hell of a lot more. It was no wonder her head was pounding, her heart was racing, and her stomach was rolling. Right?

I’m just hungry, she told herself grimly as the blue and white globe of the Earth raced toward them in the viewscreen. As soon as we land I’ll get James to take me someplace for breakfast. Not that she really wanted to eat right now. What she really wanted was to crawl off somewhere and lick her emotional wounds until she felt more like her old self again. Instead, she would have to play the part of the happy fiancée for James, who would no doubt expect her to be overjoyed to see him.

I should be overjoyed—I love James. What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I get Merrick out of my mind? Try as she might, all she could think of was the big Kindred’s dark, animalistic scent—like fur and musk and smoke. All she could remember was being held in his arms, the feel of her cheek pressed against his chest, the sound of his heart beating in her ear. Making her feel safe, making her feel protected…

Stop it, she shouted at herself mentally. Just stop it right now. We’re landing—it’s time to leave the dream world behind and get back to reality.

It was true, the blue curve of the Earth filled the viewscreen and she could clearly see the continents now. North America shot toward them, the long peninsula of Florida their obvious target.

“Coming in for a landing now,” the pilot said in a pleasant, even voice. “You might want to close your eyes and hold on tight. This is the part that usually makes you Earthers sick.”

“Oh,” Elise said faintly. “I…thank you for the warning.”

“Not a problem,” he said cheerfully. He did something to the controls and the little ship lurched in a most distressing manner. Elise’s stomach lurched right along with it and she had to fight to keep herself from throwing up.

She won the fight with her rebellious stomach—just barely—and was extremely relieved when the ship leveled off and touched down behind the HKR building in Tampa.

“Here we go—domicile, sweet domicile.” The Kindred pilot grinned at her. “Isn’t that what you Earthers say? My mate taught me—she’s from the region you call Kansas.” He sounded proud, as though he was announcing his wife was from Buckingham Palace.

He loves her—loves her so much that he’d be proud no matter where she came from, Elise realized. The thought made her sad for some reason and she was glad for a minute for her rolling stomach. At least it was harder to cry when you were trying not to puke.

“Uh, I think the expression is ‘home, sweet home,’ she said, smiling politely. “But it’s pretty much the same thing.”

“Oh, right.” The pilot nodded. “So are you here to visit family? Should I wait to bring you back up to your intended?”

“My fiancé is here—he’s from Earth,” Elise said stiffly. “I…I won’t be going back up to the Mother Ship. Ever again.” The words seemed to stick in her throat but she forced them out anyway.

“Really?” The Kindred pilot frowned, looking confused. “Forgive me my mistake. It’s just…you smell very strongly of another male—a Kindred male.”

“I do?” Horrified, Elise sniffed at her arm—but she could smell nothing. The flirty red dress Olivia had found for her to wear back to Earth complimented her complexion and hair color but left her arms and legs mostly bare. Was she exuding a scent—Merrick’s scent—in all directions without knowing it?

The Kindred pilot laughed. “Don’t worry—only another Kindred could tell it,” he assured her. “You must have been in contact with an unmated male who cared for you.”

“Well, I was in the med station for most of my stay. And there was a…a male who, uh, helped in my recovery.” Elise shifted uncomfortably, remembering the way Merrick had held her close to his broad chest, the way she’d allowed herself to melt against him. Oh yes, he’d helped all right. He’d helped himself to her heart and then left as soon as he could—not that she blamed him.

“That must be it, then.” The pilot said, interrupting her bitter-sweet thoughts. “Well, if you won’t be needing me again, I’ll head back to the Mother Ship.”

“That’s fine.” Elise nodded stiffly. “Thank you very much for the ride.”

“Not a problem.” He smiled easily. “Enjoy being home.”

“I will,” Elise assured him but the words sounded like a lie in her mouth. She thanked him again hastily and then got out of the small Kindred shuttle as fast as she could.

Once outside and on level ground, she was certain she would start to feel better. Unfortunately, the opposite was true. The hot Florida sun beat down on her head like a vicious golden hammer, making it ache even worse. Her stomach lurched with each step she took across the heated tarmac and her heart was still pounding furiously in her chest.

What’s wrong with me? she wondered, forcing herself to keep walking. I must have a guilty conscious because of what happened with Merrick—well, because of what almost happened.

Of course, Merrick had never even kissed her—had never done more than hold her and hold her hand, so she supposed that technically, she didn’t have much to feel guilty for. But she couldn’t deny that her feelings had been involved with the big Kindred, even if her body hadn’t. An emotional affair—that’s what I had. But it’s over now. All over.

Elise just wished she could convince her heart of that fact.

She finally reached the door to the HKR building and summoned the strength to pull it open. It was made of thick glass in a metal frame and Elise was so weak she could barely mange it. Still, she finally got it open wide enough to slip inside and was relieved to feel a blast of cool air as she came in the building.

Thank God for AC, she thought, scanning the long room which was broken up by a long counter at one end and gray couches scattered around the perimeter. At the far end of the room, she spied James with his back to her. He was wearing the same impeccable suit he’d had on during their viewsceen conversation so she knew he must have come right from his office in downtown Tampa. James was always exactly on time no matter where he went and there was almost nothing he hated more than tardiness. After they’d started dating, Elise had made a concerted effort to always be five minutes early to all their dates—that way she was never late.

She wondered uneasily if James considered her late right now. Their conversation had been over an hour ago—how long had he been waiting here for her? As she watched, he lifted his arm, shook back his sleeve and glanced at his watch. Uh-oh!

“James?” she called, wishing her voice didn’t sound so weak. “James, dear—over here.”

He turned and the irritated look in his deep blue eyes turned to a warm smile of recognition. “Elise! Darling!” He came striding toward her which was good, since Elise didn’t feel up to running to him. When he reached her, he pulled her into a warm embrace, wrapping his arms around her and holding her close.

Elise hugged back, trying with all her heart to feel as happy and relieved to be in his arms as she knew she should. But somehow she couldn’t quite manage it. His smell seemed wrong to her—a hint of expensive Burberry cologne instead of smoke and fur and musk. And while he was certainly taller than her, he wasn’t nearly tall enough. When he murmured her name, his voice was too high—too human. It didn’t sound like rocks rubbing together in a riverbed. Didn’t sound like Merrick.

God, I have got to stop thinking of him! she scolded herself angrily.

“…do you think?” James asked and she realized she’d missed the question.

“I’m sorry, what?” she asked, pulling out of their embrace.

“I said…but my goodness, darling, are you all right? You’re white as a sheet.”

“I’m fine,” Elise protested. She tried to take a step and sank down almost at once on a conveniently placed couch. “Well, not completely fine,” she admitted, seeing her fiancé’s worried look. “I’m weak and really hungry.” As she said the words, they seemed to suddenly be true. Her belly had a gnawing emptiness inside—a terrible hunger like nothing she’d ever felt before.

“Of course you are,” James said sympathetically. He helped her off the couch and began leading her out the front door of the HKR building. “Come on, let me call the car and we’ll go someplace for a nice champagne brunch.”

The thought of brunch was immensely appealing but the idea of getting into another moving vehicle on an empty stomach was not.

“No.” Elise shook her head as James pushed open the door for her. “No, I don’t want to drive anywhere. I need to eat now.”

James looked at her, clearly surprised. “Well, I must say that’s rather demanding of you, darling. And I’m not sure what we can do about it—there isn’t a decent restaurant in miles.”

“I see one.” Shading her eyes as they stepped into the bright sunlight, Elise pointed across the street. “Look.”

“That place? Darling, you have got to be joking,” James protested. “Do you know what it would do to my image if I was seen in a place like that?”

“Stop being so melodramatic, James,” she snapped, suddenly losing patience. “It’s just an IHOP for God’s sake—not some kind of whorehouse. And right now I feel like I could eat a stack of pancakes taller than I am.”

“Well, that’s not saying much, my diminutive darling.” He laughed at his little joke. “All right, if you’re sure you can’t wait for the champagne brunch.”

“No, I can’t,” Elise said shortly. “I’ve never been so hungry in my life. I need to eat.”

“Yes, so you said.” He eyed her uncertainly and Elise realized she was being rude.

“I’m sorry to be so snappish,” she apologized. “I’ve just had a long day.”

“Quite all right,” James assured her. “In fact, most understandable after what you’ve, um, been through.” He threaded her arm through his and set a brisk pace for the IHOP across the street. “Speaking of which, darling, do you need to, er, talk about your ordeal?”

Elise looked down at her shoes which happened to be red, open toed sandals with heels much higher than she was used to. She wished James would slow down a little but he was always in a hurry, everywhere he went. She supposed it was part of his personality, along with his insistence on never being late.

“I’d rather not talk about it, if you don’t mind,” she said in a low voice. “It was extremely…unpleasant.” Which was probably the understatement of the year.

“I understand, darling, really I do. But…” They had reached the opposite curb and as they stepped up, James turned her to face him and looked into her eyes. “It’s just that the aliens who abducted you, I understand they were male.”

“Yes, that’s right.” Elise nodded. She hadn’t seen a single other female the entire time she was a captive in the Fathership, that was certainly true.

“Well, darling, you’re a very attractive woman and I was afraid that…well…” James’ face turned scarlet and he trailed off.

Suddenly Elise realized what he was trying to ask. “No, James, they didn’t touch me that way,” she said in a low voice. The way they violated me was worse—much worse. But she couldn’t bear to say that aloud and she was pretty sure James wouldn’t want to hear it. “They…they didn’t rape me,” she said, instead.

His face cleared at once and he looked immensely relieved. “Excellent!” he exclaimed, squeezing her hand. “I’m so glad it wasn’t anything too terrible then.”

Elise frowned at him. “It was still pretty awful, you know.”

“I’m certain it was,” James said seriously. “And I’m not trying to downplay your stress, really I’m not. I’m just saying from my point of view—you know how I like to be the first man on the scene and we’ve been waiting so long for exactly that…” He cleared his throat meaningfully. “I’m just so glad you weren’t tampered with.”

Tampered with. As though I was some kind of rare wine and he wants to be sure the cork wasn’t pulled. Elise felt a spasm of guilt, which she suppressed ruthlessly. “Don’t worry, James,” she said as briskly as she could. “As I said, nothing they did to me was…was sexual.”

“Well then, we’ll say no more about it. Bury it in the vault as it were.”

His choice of words surprised and upset her. Had she ever spoken about her own private methods of dealing with unpleasant memories to James before? Elise was almost certain she hadn’t. “What did you say?” she asked, her voice shaking.

“Why, just that I’ll respect your wish not to speak of the whole distasteful experience, that’s all.” He peered at her closely. “Are you certain you’re just hungry, Elise? You don’t seem like yourself at all today.”

That’s because I’m not myself. I’m not the Elise you knew before I was zapped up into a hostile alien spaceship and forced to relive the worst parts of my past. Not the same woman you knew before I was found and healed and loved by a man who felt like part of me…then torn away from him before I could explore what might have been between us. Not…

God, shut up! Stop with the fricking soap opera already, she told herself angrily. I have to get over this. I have to go on with my life.

“I’m fine,” she said firmly. “Just really, really hungry. Come on.” She laced her fingers with his and pulled him toward the IHOP door. “Let’s eat.”

“Well, if you say so…” James allowed himself to be pulled into the generically cheerful interior of the fast food restaurant without further protest, though Elise did notice him looking anxiously around to make sure no paparazzi were lurking in any dark alleys nearby.

Being an international businessman with offices in both London and Tampa and a patron of the local art scene, James was a bit of a minor celebrity. The press seemed to view him as a sort of Batman type character—a billionaire tycoon with interesting secrets to hide—one of which was not the fact that he had a secret addiction to the Rooty Tooty Fresh and Fruity breakfast special.

Her fiancé loved acting the part of the mysterious mogul, playing it cool and aloof though always scrupulously polite for the roving packs of reporters that delighted in following him. In fact, only Elise and a few others knew that his biggest secret was her—almost no one knew they were engaged. James either went alone or took his secretary, Pam, when he went out to charity events and shows, and he refused to answer any questions pertaining to his private life.

Keeping their relationship under wraps had been a joint decision. Elise hated the limelight and she knew if they were photographed together and the paparazzi started digging, they’d find out about the fortune she was supposed to one day inherit. Not that she had any intention of touching her stepfather’s money—not a single penny of it. But the reporters didn’t know that—all they would see was a piece of juicy gossip about the eccentric billionaire playboy and his rich and mysterious wife to be.

Elise didn’t want that—didn’t want any part of it. She was perfectly fine with flying under the radar and she had never been more glad of her decision than she was right now. If it had been known that she and James were engaged, the paparazzi would have been all over them like a pack of vultures on a dead carcass the minute she stepped out of the HKR building.

A lone woman, without close friends or family connections being abducted and sent back alive was barely worth a mention. But a fabulously wealthy heiress being held hostage by hostile aliens and tortured in who knew what horrible and interesting ways would have made the front page of all the news vids for days. Add the fact that she was engaged to be married to a local celebrity and Elise would have had to kiss her private life goodbye forever. No, it was better this way. Much better, she reflected as they waited to be seated.

The hostess, a gum-popping waitress, who looked to be on the downhill side of forty, eyed James’ impeccable suit and Elise’s flirty red dress in disbelief as she collected two sticky plastic menus and some silverware rolled into paper napkins.

“You want smokin’ er nonsmokin’?” she asked, cracking her gum between large yellow teeth.

“You have a smoking section?” James frowned. “But Florida is a clear air state. There hasn’t been smoking allowed in public buildings for decades!”

“Tell that to th’ manager.” The waitress nodded at the paunchy, middle aged man behind the cash register. He had a receding hairline and a cigar butt clamped between his teeth. “So—smokin’ or non?” she repeated.

“Non,” Elise said firmly over James’ protests. “Just put us as far from the smoke as possible.”

“’K,” the waitress agreed amiably. “This way.” She led the way between a double row of booths covered in shiny, bright blue vinyl. Several of the other customers gave them skeptical looks as they passed, including a whole booth of what appeared to be Hell’s Angels. At least, Elise thought they must belong to some kind of gang or motorcycle club. They wore their leather jackets and multiple tattoos with equal ease and they all had an abundance of facial hair.

The waitress seated them a few booths down from the bikers and Elise studied them out of the corner of her eye. There was one in particular who she thought might be almost as tall as Merrick. He had a long black beard that was forked in the middle and Hell Bent tattooed on his knuckles. When he saw Elise watching him, he winked and blew her a kiss.

Elise flushed and looked down hastily. She’d only been looking because his size reminded her of Merrick—not because she wanted to cause a scene. She studied her sticky plastic menu intently, trying to decide between pancakes and French toast. But the biker wouldn’t let it drop. Winking at his friends, he rose and sauntered over to their booth.

“Hey, pretty lady. Lookin’ for a guy from the other side of the tracks for a change?”

“I beg your pardon?” James looked up from his menu, which he had been holding distastefully with his fingertips.

Elise bit her lip. Oh dear, this probably wasn’t going to end well. “I’m sorry I was staring at you,” she said, trying to keep things from turning ugly. “It’s just, well, you reminded me of someone.”

“Hey, I can be anybody you want, sweet thing. If you know what I mean.” The biker with the black beard winked at her in what he clearly thought was a seductive way.

“Thanks for your kind offer, but the lady is with me,” James said coolly, looking up at the huge biker.

Blackbeard, as Elise was beginning to think of him, bristled at the scorn in her fiancé’s voice. “Well maybe she doesn’t wanna be with you, buddy. Maybe she’s lookin’ for a real man for a change.”

James rose, frowning, and put down his menu with deliberate precision. “I assure you, friend, I am a real man and the lady is with me by her own choice. Now if you don’t mind, we’re about to enjoy brunch—although I use the word ‘enjoy’ in the most dubious sense considering our surroundings. But regardless of the circumstances, we would like to be left in peace.”

“That’s a whole lotta words just to tell me to piss off.” Blackbeard smirked and then wiggled his bushy black eyebrows at Elise. “Come on, sweet thing—you don’t mean to tell me this guy is the best you can do.”

“If you’re implying—” James began but just then another of the bikers came up and put a hand on his huge friend’s leather clad shoulder.

“Hey, Hank, leave this guy alone.”

“Why should I?” Blackbeard snarled.

“’Cause I saw him on the news vids—that’s James Blaisdon. He donated money for the new skate park for the kids downtown.”

“Oh yeah?” Blackbeard’s face cleared immediately and he grinned at James amiably. “That right? My nephew loves that place. Little bastard would rather ride a skateboard than a bike but I love ’im anyway.”

James smiled his best public relations grin and held out a hand. “Glad to hear it. And good to meet you…?”

“Hank. Hank Jones.” Blackbeard stuck out a ham-sized hand and James took it and pumped it with a smile.

“Excellent. James Blaisdon, at your service.”

“Damn, don’t he talk fancy!” the other biker crowed. “Just like one of them English movies about lords and ladies my old lady’s always watchin’.” He grinned at James who laughed.

“You’d have to blame my Oxford education for my accent, I’m afraid. But I enjoy meeting new friends from the other side of the pond.”

“Sorry I messed with you,” Blackbeard aka Hank Jones said. “I didn’t mean nothin’ by it.”

“Don’t worry about it—I can take a joke as well as the next fellow.” James’ smile didn’t quite reach his dark blue eyes but the bikers didn’t seem to notice. “I’ll tell you what, why don’t you let me buy you and your friends a meal? Whatever you order, it’s on me.”

“Really?” Blackbeard’s eyes widened. “Hell yeah, that’d be great!”

“Excellent. Waitress?” James signaled for the waitress who had seated them. Since she and everyone else in the IHOP had been watching the exchange avidly, she came forward at once.

“Yes, sir?” she asked, giving James a new look of respect.

“See that my new friend Hank and his fellows have whatever they want off your excellent menu and put it on my bill,” James directed.

“Yes, sir. Of course, sir.” The waitress nodded and the bikers at the other booth clapped and cheered.

Money saves the day again, Elise thought and then mentally kicked herself for being so cynical. It wasn’t like her fiancé solved all his problems by throwing large amounts of cash at them. He was very charming too—at least, the bikers all seemed to be charmed. I used to be charmed by him too, Elise thought. What’s wrong with me today?

James smiled again and shook hands with Hank and his friend before sitting down and facing Elise once more.

“There. Disaster averted,” he muttered. “But next time, darling, could you please be a little more careful who you make eyes at? I was boxing champion at Oxford but I’d rather not have to brawl with those grubby fellows all at once if you don’t mind.”

“I wasn’t making eyes at him,” Elise protested under her breath, surprised by the sudden attack.

“Oh no? You said he reminded you of someone. Might it be that huge ugly fellow I saw beside you on the viewscreen?”

Elise felt hot blood rushing to her cheeks. “Merrick isn’t ugly!”

“Not ugly, hmm?” James raised an eyebrow. “Is it possible we’re talking about the same man? The one with mismatched eyes and a rather large, nasty scar that takes up one side of his face? Honestly, darling, I thought you’d been rescued by the Phantom of the Opera when I first saw him. All he needs is one of those white half-masks and a half decent baritone to play the part.”

“That’s not funny,” Elise bit out. “Merrick saved my life when you didn’t even know I was missing!”

“So…perhaps it’s gratitude that keeps you from seeing his rather obvious deformities,” James mused speculatively. “Or perhaps something else? A little Beauty and the Beast scenario being played out amongst the stars? I thought he seemed rather overprotective of you.”

Elise felt herself go cold and then hot all over. “Just…just what exactly are you implying, James?” she asked in a shaking voice.

She was aware that she sounded defensive but she couldn’t help herself. All her guilt over the emotional affair she’d had with the big Kindred suddenly came rushing back. Of course, she had intended to tell James everything. But now full disclosure seemed like a bad idea—a very bad idea indeed.

James gave her a penetrating look. “Nothing,” he said at last in a low voice. “Just…try to keep your eyes on the menu from now on. All right?”

“Fine.” Elise looked down at the brightly colored plastic menu, still seething. James wasn’t usually such an ass. Or maybe he was and she just hadn’t noticed before?

Just then the waitress finished taking the bikers’ orders and came up to their table. She put two glasses of ice water on their table and pulled out her tablet and a pen. “What’ll it be?”

“Coffee for me. Hot, black and in the cleanest mug you can find in this place.” James handed her the menu, tweezing it delicately between his thumb and fingertips. “That’s all I want. Thank you.”

“Of course.” The waitress nodded and looked at Elise. “And for you, ma’am?”

Elise stared at the menu blindly. Her stomach was still growling fiercely but now she was almost too angry and upset to eat. “I’ll have…”

“Do make it something light, darling, won’t you?” James asked, obviously using his most appeasing tone. “I really can’t stay long—I have to make the flight to Japan this afternoon.”

Elise gritted her teeth. Despite her hunger, she had planned on ordering something small and quick for exactly that reason. But now she felt the irrational urge to piss James off.

“That one,” she said, stabbing her finger at a large, colorful picture in the center of the menu.

“Really?” The waitress raised her obviously penciled-in eyebrows in surprise. “The lumberjack special?”

Elise nodded firmly. “Yes, absolutely.”

“Okay.” The waitress shrugged. “Don’t know where a tiny little thing like you is going to put it, though. You want bacon or sausage? And toast or hash browns?”

“All of it,” Elise said.

“All of it?” The waitress frowned.

“Darling…” James gave her an annoyed look which she ignored.

“All of it,” she repeated. “I want bacon and sausage and toast and hash browns.” She smiled at the waitress sweetly. “Please.”

“Sure.” The waitress shrugged again and finished writing on her tablet. “Comin’ right up.” Elise handed her the menu and she left, humming faintly under her breath.

James raised one impeccably groomed eyebrow at her. “Darling, was that really necessary?”

Elise frowned. “I told you I was hungry, didn’t I?” In fact, her hunger was getting so intense she actually felt faint. “I hope she hurries up,” she muttered, crossing her arms over her stomach protectively. “I should have made it a rush order.” Her stomach gurgled loudly, as though to second the idea.

“Elise!” James looked scandalized. “We’re in a public place, you know!”

“I’m sorry.” Suddenly, as though someone had flipped an emotional switch inside her, Elise felt like she was about to cry. She got up quickly, upsetting the glasses of ice water the waitress had left in her hurry. James yelped as a rush of icy water poured over his side of the table directly onto his crotch.

Elise thought about getting him napkins to try and clean it up and then thought better of it. She was certain she was going to cry now and she didn’t want James to see her lose control. Muttering, “Sorry,” again, she ran hastily down the aisle between the booths, barely registering the surprised looks of the other customers, and barged her way into the ladies room.

Inside she found the only clean stall—the handicapped one—and huddled in the corner with her arms wrapped around herself, shaking. What’s wrong with me? she wondered miserably for what felt like the hundredth time that day. My emotions are all over the place! This isn’t me—I’m not this emotional, this fragile—even during my period I have more control than this. What the hell is going on?

In fact, it was her non-emotional, professional attitude that had taken her so far at work. No matter how horrible the crime was or how despicable the criminal she was prosecuting, Elise was always able to put a barrier between herself and the ugliness. Her no-nonsense attitude was also what James valued about her—he liked her “level head” and often complimented her on her good sense.

But now it seemed all her barriers were gone. All her emotions were stripped bare and she was losing control. And, as if to make her emotional pain worse, her body kept insisting that she was hungry…so hungry.

I can’t keep this up. I have to eat or I’m going to faint. Staggering out of the bathroom, Elise caught herself on one of the dirty porcelain sinks and managed to turn on the tap. She splashed cool water in her face and then blotted her cheeks with coarse brown paper towels from the rusty metal dispenser mounted on the wall.

Looking in the dingy mirror over the sink, Elise was dismayed to see a wild woman looking back. Her black hair, which she’d pinned neatly back into its customary bun, was coming unfastened to make a messy halo around her face. Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes were red and watery with unshed tears. All in all, she looked a mess.

“Calm,” she muttered, blotting her eyes on the damp paper towels. “I have to be calm. I’m fine. Everything is fine and I’m going to be okay.” But was she? Elise wasn’t entirely sure.

Her stomach growled again, reminding her of why she was here. Black dots were dancing in front of her eyes and she was beginning to feel sick she was so hungry. Have to eat. Everything will be better once I eat, she told herself. Please God, please let breakfast be on the table when I get out there. Please!

Taking a deep breath, she smoothed back her hair and made a tremendous effort to get hold of herself. She wasn’t sure if she was having some kind of emotional breakdown or possibly some kind of post-traumatic episode from what she had endured on the Fathership. All she knew was that she must not let her fiancé see her in this state. She and James were close, and she loved him very much—well, most of the time—but she couldn’t let him see her so upset, so completely out of control. She had to hold it together, at least until he caught his plane to Japan. Then she could go back to her apartment in downtown Tampa and quietly lose her mind.

I can do this, she told herself. I can make it through the next few hours. I can keep it together until I have time to myself. I know I can!

With that thought firmly in mind, she straightened her back and walked out of the ladies room.

Chapter Four

“I’m approaching Earth. Tell me what to expect,” Merrick spoke into the console as he worked the controls of his little star-duster.

“The hunger is part of stasis sickness,” Sylvan’s voice came back. “I’ll explain it more fully once I get you and Elise together because it affects you both. But the short rundown of symptoms is this: First the subject feels like she’s getting sick. She has nausea, a headache, and often a rapid heartbeat.”

“Sounds fucking delightful,” Merrick growled, punching in landing coordinates. He was following the flight of the pilot who had taken Elise back down to Earth in the first place. And now that he was getting closer to the white and blue planet, he could feel something—a tugging sensation that had become familiar while Elise was still on the Mother Ship. She needs me, he thought. I can feel it. She’s sick and scared. He would be able to follow that tug straight to her—like a bright red arrow pointing the way.

“It gets worse.” Sylvan’s voice, breaking into his thoughts, was grim. “Those feelings of illness are soon replaced with a physical hunger—the subject feels like she’s starving, even if she’s just eaten a large meal.”

“Elise hasn’t eaten since last night,” Merrick objected. He cleared his throat. “We, uh, had a last meal together.”

“Then she’ll be even hungrier.” Sylvan sounded like he was frowning. “She’ll probably try to eat but it won’t help her. And after the physical hunger, new symptoms kick in.”

“New symptoms? It gets worse?”

“Much worse,” Sylvan assured him. “The subject will have difficulty controlling her emotions. She’ll be upset and not know why. Of course, the extreme physical symptoms contribute to her emotional distress which only makes it worse.”

“Poor kid.” Merrick felt a stab of sympathy despite himself. From what he knew of Elise, she placed great value on being in control of herself. Having her emotions go haywire was going to be hard as hell on her. The long, flat peninsula called Florida came into view and Merrick gunned his engines, giving them a final burst before initiating the landing sequence. “I’m landing now,” he told Sylvan. “Better wrap it up unless you want to bespeak me.”

“I have to get ready for when you bring her back,” Sylvan said. “There are further symptoms but I don’t have time to tell you now. And I’m afraid if she’s gone past the stages of physical hunger and erratic emotions …well…”

“Well, what?” Merrick demanded, his heart beating in his throat. He could hear the reluctance in Sylvan’s voice—the reluctance of any good medic to give bad news.

“If she’s gone past those stages she may be too far gone for you to save,” Sylvan said, sounding regretful. “I’m sorry, Merrick, but that’s the truth.”

“Goddess damn it!” Merrick swore. “There’s no time now but you’re going to explain this whole fucked up hunger thing in detail as soon as I bring her back.”

Sylvan’s response was immediate. “Absolutely,” he promised. “Just remember to touch her, Merrick. Give her plenty of skin to skin contact—that should help ease her symptoms.”

“I don’t understand that part—why?” Merrick asked as he killed the engines.

“Because,” Sylvan’s voice was fainter now, as though the connection was fading. “It isn’t food she’s hungry for, Merrick. It’s you.”

* * * * *

To her immense relief, the giant breakfast she had ordered was on the table when Elise got back from her mini break-down in the bathroom. James had pushed it all to her side while his own held only a chipped white ceramic mug filled with untouched black coffee.

“Well?” He raised an eyebrow at her, indicating the plates and platters all filled with a ridiculous array of artery clogging breakfast food at its finest. There were scrambled eggs, bacon, sausage, a stack of pancakes with a pat of butter melting on top, toast with jelly, hash browns and last but not least, that timeless Southern favorite—fluffy buttermilk biscuits drowning in a lake of sausage gravy.

“Wow.” Elise’s stomach made another audible gurgle but this time she didn’t care. She sat down to the table and pulled the stack of pancakes forward. There was no time for syrup—no time to do anything but grab a fork and dig in.

Despite James’ dubious looks, the food was really good. The pancakes were light and fluffy and the eggs were scrambled to perfection. The bacon was crisp, the coffee hot and the sausage gravy was salty and creamy at the same time. All in all, Elise thought it was the best meal she’d ever eaten. She’d gone to some extremely posh and expensive restaurants with James but none of them could touch the humble IHOP spread in front of her.

But despite her pleasure in the food, she began to feel that something was still wrong…very wrong indeed. The feeling started in her pelvis or, to be more accurate, in her crotch. It began as a tingling sensation and then became a warmth that seemed to enflame her from the waist down.

What is this? she thought, shifting uncomfortably. If I didn’t know better I’d think I was aroused somehow. But that didn’t happen to her—it was one of the things she’d managed to put in the vault and forget about. So what the hell was this weird new feeling?

“Darling? Are you quite all right?” James leaned across the table, looking at her anxiously and Elise realized she’d stopped in mid-bite with a forkful of pancakes halfway to her mouth.

“I…I think so,” she said slowly, putting down the fork. “I just feel…feel so funny all of a sudden.”

He snorted. “I should think so. After eating all that junk! Anyway, I thought you were a vegetarian—you never have anything but coffee and grapefruit when we have breakfast together.”

“That’s because that’s all you ever have,” Elise said distractedly. “If you’d asked me, I would have told you I like breakfast food. You just never…never asked.” She could barely finish her sentence because the heat which had pooled in her pelvis seemed to have intensified, radiating outward like a ball of molten lead between her thighs. My God, what’s wrong with me? What’s happening to me? Suddenly she felt like she was going to be sick.

“Darling?” James asked, frowning. “Look, if you’re finished eating I really have to be going. I can’t miss my flight and we’ve already spent enough time—”

“Excuse me!” She bolted up for the second time that day, sending platters of half-eaten food across the table toward her hapless fiancé. James shot out his hands, attempting to fend off the flying pancakes and ended up with a lapful of scrambled eggs and sausage gravy instead. Elise ignored his cry of irritation and rushed back to the ladies room yet again.

She barely made it to the handicapped stall and bent over the toilet before everything came up. Never, she thought miserably as wave after wave of nausea hit her. I’ll never eat breakfast again. I swear, I promise. Just let this be over, please God, let it be over.

She finished puking at last and wiped her mouth on a swatch of scratchy toilet paper she fumbled off the roll. Stumbling to the sink, she rinsed out her mouth and tried to swallow a little water. Outside the door, she heard someone knocking.

“Elise? Elise are you all right in there? Listen, darling, we really have to go now. I have to run to the office for a change—I can’t go to Japan wearing your breakfast on my trousers. Elise?”

“A minute,” she managed to gasp. “Please, James, I just need one more minute.”

“We don’t have another minute. What if a reporter from one of the news vids shows up? I’m telling you, Elise, I can’t be seen like this!”

“I know. I’m sorry…sorry…” She tried to make her voice stronger but the words came out in a whisper. Now that her stomach was empty, the wrong feeling was growing again. The feeling of heat, of need…a different kind of hunger between her thighs. What was it? What was causing it?

“Elise!” James was practically pounding on the door now. “If you don’t come out, I’m coming in. I—” Suddenly his voice changed and it became apparent he was talking to someone else. “Hello. What are you doing here?”

“She’s in there?” A deep familiar voice, like stones rubbing together in a riverbed made Elise’s heart jump. Could it be…?

“Yes, but she’s indisposed at the moment.” James sounded suddenly haughty—his posh British accent becoming much more pronounced.

“I don’t give a fuck about indisposed,” the other voice growled. “Elise? You okay in there?”

“Merrick…” His name was nothing but a whisper on her lips. The fire inside her was eating her now, burning her from the inside out. Elise reached for the door but didn’t make it. Her legs refused to work and she sank down on the grimy floor instead.

“That’s it—I’m coming in. If you aren’t decent, cover up.” The wooden door banged open and Merrick barged in, ducking his head to avoid hitting his forehead on the lintel. James was right behind him.

“You can’t go in there—it’s the ladies room! Don’t you Kindred understand the concept of privacy?”

Merrick ignored him. He knelt on the dirty floor beside Elise and looked at her anxiously. “Hey baby, you okay?”

The use of his pet endearment for her nearly brought tears to her eyes. “No,” she whispered, shaking her head. “No, I don’t know what it is but something…Merrick, something is wrong with me. Really, really wrong.”

“I know it, baby. But don’t worry—I’m going to fix it.” He scooped her up off the floor as easily as if she was a doll. “Put your face against my neck,” he ordered, his deep voice growling through her entire body. “Press against me as much as you can.”

Elise did as he said, pressing her hot cheek to the side of his throat and inhaling deeply. The warm, animalistic scent of fur and smoke and musk filled her nose and immediately she began to feel better. Or at least, slightly less wrong.

“Wait!” James sounded almost panicked as Merrick carried her out of the ladies room. “Excuse me but you can’t do that! You can’t just take her!”

“The hell I can’t,” Merrick snarled. “Get out of my way or you’ll be eating my fist for first meal.”

“Is there a problem here?”

Elise opened her eyes to see the huge biker she’d mentally dubbed Blackbeard was blocking Merrick’s way down the aisle between the rows of booths.

“Yes, absolutely there’s a problem.” James’ voice had gone shrill with outrage. “This…this Kindred is attempting to abduct my fiancé!”

“Well we can’t have that, can we boys?” Blackbeard, grinned at bikers who were watching the confrontation with interest. He looked at Merrick. “James here is a pal of mine. I can’t just let you go off with his girl.”

“She’s sick,” Merrick said shortly. “I’m taking her for treatment.”

“I can take her,” James said angrily. “Tampa General is just down the road and I’m on their board of directors. A word from me and she’ll be seen at once.”

Merrick shook his head. “Sorry, buddy but what she needs, you can’t give her. She’s got to go back to the Mother Ship.”

“I don’t believe you,” James said belligerently. “I think you’ve just formed some kind of irrational attachment to her. You have some type of Beauty and the Beast complex and you think because you found Elise after her ordeal she’s yours for the taking. Well, she’s not. Now put her down right now.”

Merrick glared at him. “Beauty and the Beast, huh? You’re fucking lucky I have my hands full, you know that?”

“James, please,” Elise said, trying to raise her voice above a whisper. “Can’t you see I’m sick? I need to go.”

“There’s nothing they can do for you up in that floating freak-show of a ship that can’t be done right here on Earth,” James said firmly. “You’d see that if you were in your right mind, darling.”

Merrick raised his eyebrows. “Did you say freak show?”

“Er, yes…” James stepped back a little but his tone remained belligerent. “I did.”

“Hey, James, you want me to bust ’im up? Teach him a little lesson about trying to take someone else’s girl?” Blackbeard cracked his knuckles menacingly.

Elise thought James looked vastly relieved. He always preferred to avoid physical violence himself, though he wasn’t above having it done for him. “As a matter of fact, yes. I think he could use a lesson,” he said, nodding decisively.

Mentally, Elise groaned. Now they would never get out of here. Her earlier estimation that Blackbeard was almost as tall as Merrick had been right and he had plenty of friends to back him up. What were they going to do? But Merrick seemed utterly calm.

“Elise, baby, can you stand for just a minute?” he asked, looking down at her.

She nodded. “I…I think so.”

“Good. I’m going to put you down and you stand behind me. This will only take a minute, I promise.”

“All right.” She nodded again and he set her gently on her feet. James tried to reach for her but she evaded his hands and held onto the back of Merrick’s thin black shirt.

“No, James, I’m sick. Leave me alone!”

“But darling—”

“There’s just gonna be two hits.” Blackbeard’s loud voice interrupted whatever he’d been about to say. Elise peeked around Merrick’s side to see the biker was swaggering forward, still talking. “Two hits, buddy,” he repeated. “Me hitting you and you hitting the fl—”

Merrick swung. It was a swift, deadly punch that landed dead center in the biker’s face and plowed through his teeth like a bowling ball knocking down pins. There was a sickening crunching sound and then Blackbeard fell first to his knees and then to his face on the sticky IHOP floor. He twitched once and then didn’t move again. A puddle of dark crimson blood began to spread outward like a growing stain.

“All right.” Merrick wiped his bloody knuckles on his black leather flight pants and stared hard at the other bikers. “Any other takers?”

The sight of their fallen giant seemed to shake the bikers to the core. They sat frozen in their booth, none of them saying a word.

“Get him!” James urged shrilly. “I’ll pay a handsome reward to the man who puts him down.”

The bikers shifted uneasily, but there were no takers. Like the Philistines after Goliath was dead, they seemed to lack direction and courage.

“Looks like your money isn’t worth as much as you thought.” Merrick gave him a hard stare and then turned to Elise and held out his arms.” Come on, baby.” She came to him at once and he lifted her and held her close to his chest. “This female is sick,” he announced. “I’m taking her to the Mother Ship for treatment. Anybody else got a problem with that?”

“I have a problem with it,” James declared angrily. “Elise is my fiancé! You can’t just waltz in here and take her.”

“Watch me.” Merrick shifted Elise so that she was cradled more securely in his arms. “Gonna get you out of here, baby.”

Elise buried her face in his neck again and breathed in his scent. “Yes,” she whispered. “All right.”

She opened her eyes just long enough to see the outraged look on James’ face and then closed them to block out everything but the feel of Merrick’s big body close to hers and his strong arms surrounding her. Safe. I’m safe now, she thought.

But was she? Inside her, the strange, wrong feeling was still there. The heat between her legs, the all consuming hunger she couldn’t deny or explain, was still growing and she didn’t know how to stop or even contain it.

All she could do was cling to Merrick and trust him to make her well, as he had promised.

Chapter Five

By the time he got Elise back to his star-duster, which was parked behind the HKR building, she was jittering in his arms like a broken toy. Uncontrollable tremors ran through her, wracking her delicate body until Merrick was afraid she would shake herself apart.

“Elise? Baby?” Despite his mixed feelings about her, he couldn’t help the rush of fear and concern for her that washed over him as he held her shaking body.

“S-s-sorry,” she gasped, her teeth chattering so hard she could barely speak. “D-don’t known wh-what’s wrong w-with me.”

I do, Merrick thought grimly. Sylvan’s words came back to him—If she’s gone past the stages of physical hunger and erratic emotions…she may be too far gone for you to save.

Merrick refused to accept that. He didn’t know what the hell was going on but he wasn’t going to let her go without a fight. Touch her, Sylvan had said. Give her skin-to-skin contact. And that was what Merrick intended to do.

The minute they got into the ship, he settled on the couch in the small living area with Elise still in his lap. Working with one hand at a time, as he tried to keep her close to him, he stripped off his shirt, ripping it to shreds impatiently when it wouldn’t come off fast enough. Finally, his chest and entire upper body was bare. Then he started on the top of Elise’s dress.

“H-hey!” she protested weakly. “Stop it. Wh-what are you d-doing?”

“Trust me.” Merrick tried to maneuver one of the sleeves of the red dress off her shoulder but Elise fought him.

“No! No, you c-can’t! I won’t l-let you!” There was real fear in her big brown eyes, a nameless horror she seemed helpless to express.

“Elise…” he began but she was nearly hysterical now.

“No! No!” She batted at his hands, twisting in his grip to try and get away. The stark terror on her face brought a sudden lump to Merrick’s throat

What happened to her? Who was the fucking bastard who put that fear in her eyes?

He stopped what he was doing and turned her to face him. Holding her gently but firmly, he made her meet his eyes. “Look at me. Elise—look at me,” he demanded.

The minute he stopped trying to undress her, she stopped fighting. But still she clutched the front of her dress, both hands fisted tight in the silky red material. Her chest heaved with her ragged breathing, the breath tearing in her lungs. “What?” she whispered, still shaking. “W-what?”

“I would never hurt you.” Merrick held her eyes with his. “Never. But I need to hold you, need to give you skin-to-skin contact to help you get better.”

“H-how will that help me?” she protested. “I d-don’t understand.”

“I don’t either,” he admitted. “But this may be a matter of life or death. Will you let me help you?”

“Are…are you going to…to t-touch me?” she whispered, her eyes wide.

Merrick knew at once what she meant and his heart fisted in his chest again. “Not that way,” he assured her, his voice rough. “I just need to press our chests together. To get as much contact as possible.”

“I don’t…d-don’t have a bra on,” she whispered. Then, obviously seeing his look of incomprehension, she explained. “I mean, I’m b-bare under the dress.” She looked down as she said it, biting her lip in shame that made him ache.

“That’s okay, baby,” he assured her softly. “I’ve seen you naked before. You were naked when I found you floating in the stasis tube and I didn’t hurt you then. Do you remember?”

Slowly, she nodded. “Barely,” she admitted. “It’s l-like a dream. B-but yes. I remember.”

“And I won’t hurt you now.” Merrick tried to keep the urgency out of his voice but he was afraid they were running out of time. Elise’s face was white as a sheet and she didn’t look well at all. If he had to, he would forcibly remove the top of her dress—he would do whatever it took to save her life. But he didn’t want to do things that way. Though he told himself he shouldn’t care what she thought, he wanted her to trust him. Wanted it with his whole heart. “Please,” he murmured, stroking a lock of silky black hair out of her eyes. “Elise, please trust me.”

At last, she nodded. “A-all right,” she whispered. “If you think it w-will help.”

“I do,” Merrick said gravely. “Do you want to do it or should I?”

“I w-will.” She tried, plucking at the front of the dress where there was a row of tiny buttons, but her fingers were trembling too much to make any headway.

“Here.” Gently, Merrick brushed her shaking hands aside and unbuttoned the front of the silky red dress. He pulled it off her shoulders, baring her small, perfectly rounded breasts. He tried not to look but he couldn’t help noticing her nipples, tight and pink as little buds. His shaft reacted immediately, his mating fist throbbing with desire but Merrick ignored it. This wasn’t about sex—it was about healing.

“Oh…” Elise saw him looking and tried to cover herself with her arms but Merrick shook his head.

“No. Come here. Right up against me.”

Pulling her close, he pressed their naked upper bodies together, feeling the hard points of her nipples and the soft crush of her breasts against his chest. Elise seemed reluctant at first but then she pressed against him, wrapping her arms around his neck and burying her face in the side of his throat.

They stayed that way for a long time, locked in a silent embrace until her shivering stopped. Merrick buried his face in her hair and breathed her in, inhaling her delicate feminine scent and something else as well. He frowned. What was that scent? Was it heat…desire? But she’d been almost dead—why would she be aroused? His nose never lied though—he could smell her heat. Her body was in need, even if she didn’t know it and Merrick didn’t think she did. Despite the fact that both of them were half naked, there was nothing sexual about their contact. She needed to be healed and she trusted him to do the healing—it was as simple as that. So her scent was a mystery—one he couldn’t help wanting to solve.

“Merrick,” she whispered, breaking into his thoughts. Her voice was a soft sob in his ear. “Oh, Merrick. You came for me. You really came.”

“Couldn’t stay away,” he admitted, rubbing her bare back in long, soothing strokes. “I wanted to but…I just couldn’t. Sylvan told me you were still sick and begged me to bring you back.”

“Oh.” She pulled back from him, covering her breasts with one arm. “So you didn’t really want to come—Dr. Sylvan made you.”

Inwardly, Merrick swore. Why had he made things awkward between them again? But there was no point in being anything but truthful—he’d never been the type of male to mince words. “I came because I had to,” he said, choosing his words carefully. “Because I couldn’t let you die, no matter how angry I still am about that stunt you pulled with your fucking fiancé.”

Elise frowned and lifted her chin. “Once and for all will you please believe me when I tell you that I honestly forgot about him?”

“That’s kind of hard to believe,” Merrick growled. “I mean, he’s a fucking billionaire, isn’t he?”

“You think money matters to me?” Her brown eyes flashed. “If that was all I cared about I could have stayed home with my mother and stepfather. I don’t give a damn about money!”

“Looks then,” Merrick challenged her. “You have to admit he’s a handsome sonofabitch and I’m one ugly bastard.”

“You’re not!” Elise’s voice throbbed with passion. She cupped his scarred cheek and looked into his eyes. “That’s not how I see you, Merrick. And I don’t believe that’s how you see yourself.”

“You don’t know me—not really,” he said flatly. “So how do you know what I think?” He sighed. “You’re right though—looks aren’t that important. Even if I do remind you of your pet dog—what was his name?”

“Buck,” she whispered. “If you only knew…” She broke off, shaking her head. “Look, Merrick, I don’t know why I forgot about James. I think maybe I was trying so hard to push away the memories of what…what happened when I was abducted that he somehow got pushed away too.” She looked down. “I…I’m good at forgetting things. Maybe too good.”

Merrick remembered the fear in her eyes when he’d tried to undress her and suddenly understood. “All right,” he said at last, blowing out a breath. “Okay. I believe you.”

“Thank you.” When she looked up, her eyes were shiny with unshed tears. “That means a lot to me. And thank you for coming to save me, even if you were mad.”

“I was more than mad—I was fucking enraged,” Merrick admitted in a low voice. “I didn’t like the idea of you with another man. The idea of him touching you…taking you…”

“He doesn’t,” she said quickly. “I mean we don’t…we’ve never…” She trailed off, blushing but Merrick understood what she was saying.

“What, never?” he demanded. “In the whole time you’ve been together?”

“No.” Elise shook her head firmly. “I know it sounds old-fashioned but, well, we’re waiting. Waiting until we’re married to…to consummate our relationship.”

She didn’t sound very excited about the idea—more like it was a distasteful duty she was going to have to perform sometime in the future. Merrick frowned. Now everything made sense—the reason he hadn’t smelled another male on her was because she hadn’t been with another male. At least, not in the past year. Even his sensitive nose couldn’t pick up anything earlier than that.

Then the implications really began to sink in and his heart leapt in his chest. Unclaimed! She’s unclaimed—not bonded to him at all. Without some kind of physical contact, her engagement was an empty promise, at least in Merrick’s mind. Suddenly he understood her fiancé’s possessive posturing. He didn’t have a hold on Elise—not really. His claim to her was unfounded, ungrounded and most importantly unconsummated.

“So you’re not really his at all,” he said, putting his thoughts into words. “You don’t really belong to him.”

Elise bristled. “I don’t belong to any man. I’m my own person, thank you very much.”

“Sorry,” Merrick growled. “It’s just in the Kindred world, we’re very possessive of our mates. When you find the female you want to spend the rest of your life with, you do everything you can to bind her to you.”

She frowned. “What do you mean everything?”

“Touching, tasting, scent marking…we’re pretty fucking tactile,” he said candidly. “I don’t understand how that idiot fiancé of yours could have such a beautiful woman and not mark you in some way.”

“Mark me? How?” Her cheeks were getting pink and her breathing had speeded up some, Merrick noted.

“Kindred males have scent glands we use to mark our females,” he explained. “Around our mouths and groins. When we find the right female, we want to rub against her, to touch her everywhere and mark her with our scent. That warns off other males—lets them know the female is spoken for.” He shook his head. “That was why I was so surprised when that little bastard popped up claiming to be your fiancé—I didn’t smell another male on you, even a human male—so I didn’t see how it was possible. Now I understand, if he’s never taken you…”

“Never,” she said at once, shaking her head.

“Then he’s never marked you.” Merrick let his voice drop to a low, possessive growl. “And if he’s never marked you, then you’re fair game, as far as I’m concerned.”

“Merrick!” She bit her lip. “Don’t talk that way.”

He raised an eyebrow at her. “What way? You know how I feel about you, Elise—why else would I come back for you? It’s fucking natural for me to want to mark you, to touch you, to taste you…”

“T-taste me?” Her eyes were wide and her breathing was erratic. “You mean kiss me?”

“Sure.” Merrick nodded. “But not on your mouth.”

“Where, then?” she whispered.

“You know where, baby.” Merrick stroked one of her thighs gently, loving the feel of her bare skin beneath the silky red dress. “Here,” he murmured. “Wanna taste you between your legs—taste your sweet little pussy.” The scent of her desire intensified and he knew she was probably wet as hell there right now. The idea of spreading her thighs and tasting her sweet, feminine core, of tonguing open her slippery petals and lapping her wet folds until she moaned his name and came all over his face had him throbbing in his pants.

But Elise obviously had other ideas.

“Merrick!” She pushed off his lap suddenly and jumped away, her arms held protectively over her bare breasts. “I…I think we should stop talking about this now.”

“Sorry.” He regarded her lazily through half-lidded eyes. “Am I making you nervous?”

“Of course it makes me nervous! I’m not used to having someone who wants…wants to do that to me.”

“So your fiancé doesn’t even talk dirty to you?” Merrick shook his head. “He’s an even bigger idiot than I thought.”

“James and I don’t discuss things like that because…well, we just don’t talk that way.” Her cheeks were flaming red now, he noted. Clearly what he’d said was affecting her, whether she wanted to admit it or not. Turning her back, she shrugged back into the dress. She buttoned it up rapidly before turning to face him again. Smoothing her hair back with both hands, she took a deep breath. “Let’s talk about something else. Am I cured now? I feel a lot better.”

Merrick frowned. “I doubt it. Why—you that eager to go back to your fiancé?”

“No.” She smoothed her hair again—a nervous gesture on her part, Merrick thought—and sighed. “I just…I don’t know. Maybe we should go back to the Kindred ship and find out what’s going on.”

“Maybe so.” Rising, Merrick went to the control panel at the front of the ship and settled himself into the captain’s chair. “Take a seat and buckle up,” he instructed her. “My ship runs as smooth as silk normally but I never finished the long-range diagnostic. Getting out of the atmosphere is going to be a little bumpy.”

She did as he instructed, silently, taking the chair beside his and buckling the too-large safety harness around her small frame. Merrick watched her from the corner of his eye as he prepped the star-duster for take-off. What in the seven hells was going on with her? She was willing to let him touch her and press her naked chest against his, but the moment the conversation turned sexual, she was a bundle of nerves.

Something happened, he thought, remembering again the fear in her eyes when he’d tried to take off her dress. Someone did something to her. And now she’s got her idiot fiancé to believe she wants to wait to consummate until they’re joined. But there has to be more to it than just old-fashioned values. There’s a reason she doesn’t want to be touched that way. A reason she doesn’t want to think about anything to do with sex.

But though her mind obviously rejected any kind of sexual physical contact, the same couldn’t be said of her body. Even now, Merrick could smell the warm, feminine scent of her desire drifting across the narrow divide between their chairs. When he’d talked about tasting her, her cheeks had gotten flushed and her breath had come short and erratic. Elise might not know it, but her body was hungry for something her mind wasn’t even willing to contemplate.

And Merrick wanted to be the one to give it to her.

Chapter Six

“I’m very glad to see you looking so well, Elise.” Sylvan, the blond Kindred doctor who had overseen her recovery, smiled at her warmly. But Elise couldn’t help thinking there was a worried look in his pale blue eyes.

“Thank you,” she said, shifting slightly on the exam table. “And thank you for sending Merrick back for me. I, um, understand that I might still be ill?”

“I’m afraid so.” The worried look in the doctor’s eyes intensified. “In a way, anyway.”

“What fucking way?” Merrick sounded impatient. He was standing behind her, not quite touching her but close enough that Elise could feel the heat of his big body against her back. It was both a comforting and somehow unnerving sensation. Ever since their conversation aboard his ship she was award of strange, new feelings toward him. Feelings she’d never expected to have for any man. Not since…

No, put it in the vault. She pictured the familiar old-timey bank-vault door closing tightly and the tumblers falling into place with a definite click. There. Much better. Except… it worried her that it was no longer so easy to dismiss or hide her darker thoughts and memories. More and more often they seemed to be slipping through the once-impenetrable barrier she’d built in her mind and coming to the surface, like the corpses of murder victims floating to the top of a clouded, murky lake. Still, there was nothing she could do but keep suppressing them, keep putting them back in the vault when they escaped.

“…has to do with your being in stasis for an extended time with no breaks,” Sylvan said and Elise realized he was talking to her and she’d missed the first part of his statement.

“I’m sorry, what?” she asked uncertainly.

“It’s called the hunger,” Sylvan said. “And it’s part of stasis sickness. You see, when you’re in stasis too long without a break, your soul’s link to your physical body can become weak and tenuous—”

“Excuse me,” she interrupted him. “Your soul? Do Kindred believe in that? I mean, because we humans aren’t really sure such a thing even exists.”

“The soul or spirit is a very real part of you,” the Kindred doctor said seriously. “It’s what allows you to bond to another person and it’s the basis of the male/female bond between a Kindred warrior and his mate. Oh, yes, we definitely believe in it.”

“All right.” She nodded skeptically. “So you’re saying my soul detached from my body?”

“Almost,” Sylvan said. “It was in the process of detaching both times you were awakened from stasis. The first time, Merrick put you back into the stasis tube just in time. The second time, he picked you up and held you.”

“Damn right I did,” Merrick growled. “It was what she needed—I could tell.”

“You’re right,” Sylvan said seriously. “If you hadn’t picked Elise up just at that time, her soul might have detached completely and she would have died. Her body wasn’t strong enough to hold it here in the physical realm.” He sighed. “Unfortunately, although you saved her life, your actions have certain…side effects.”

“Side effects? What do you mean?” Elise asked.

“The long time in stasis had weakened you physically and spiritually—your soul was lost, seeking an anchor,” Sylvan began, obviously choosing his words carefully. “When Merrick picked you up, your soul found him and clung to him, forming an artificial bond—one that wouldn’t naturally occur between the two of you.”

A cold dread crept over Elise’s heart. “An artificial bond? What exactly does that mean?”

Sylvan frowned. “Your soul has put down roots into Merrick’s, causing an instant reciprocal relationship to develop. You need to be near him—need to touch him in order to stay healthy and well. You crave his presence and physical contact with him—which is the basis of the hunger I told you about. Merrick, in turn, can sense your well-being or illness through the artificial link between you. He feels your distress and it forces him to come to you and try to ease your pain.”

“So…” Elise swallowed hard, trying to get rid of the lump in her throat. “So you’re saying that everything I’ve been feeling, all these emotions I’ve been having for Merrick and all the feelings he’s been having for me…they’re all fake? Just a part of this…this artificial bond we somehow formed?”

The Kindred doctor gave her a sympathetic look. “I’m afraid so.”

“Bullshit!” Merrick burst out angrily. “I don’t accept that, Sylvan—it has to be bullshit.”

“I’m sorry, old friend.” Sylvan reached out and put a hand on Merrick’s shoulder. “I can tell you feel strongly for Elise. But you have to remember that those emotions are artificially created. The instant connection between the two of you isn’t a real connection at all and I’m afraid it’s not good for you either.”

“What the hell do you mean by that?” Merrick demanded, shrugging Sylvan’s hand off his arm.

Sylvan withdrew and crossed his arms over his broad chest. “I mean, it’s not natural or healthy for either one of you to be so interdependent. An improper bonding can result in soul sickness for a Kindred male, especially in hybrids like yourself, Merrick. And Elise can’t go on being completely physically dependent on you for the rest of her life—getting sick when she’s separated from you for too long.” He shook his head. “That’s no way for her to live.”

Yes it is! It’s the only way I want to live, Elise wanted to shout. But fear and misery made her hold her tongue. If Sylvan was right—and she had no reason to think he wasn’t—all the affection and need she felt for Merrick was false. And even worse, the feelings he had for her…they were fake too.

I should have known it was too good to be true, she thought, blinking back tears. Should have known I could never feel so strongly and so quickly for a man—any man—without a reason. And yet, even knowing that the bond between them was fake, it still felt good—better than anything she’d ever had with anyone else, including James—and she didn’t want to lose it.

“I…I still don’t understand,” she said in a choked voice. “How can a bond—which you said yourself happens between Kindred and their wives—how can it be so bad?”

Sylvan sighed. “It’s not the fact that you’re bonded but the nature and placement of the bond that’s bad. Think of it like this—a normal pregnancy is a wonderful thing—a beautiful, miraculous gift of the Goddess that brings joy to everyone. That’s like a good, solid, naturally-formed soul bond between a Kindred and his mate.”

“Right," Elise said, nodding. "And?”

“But what happens if the pregnancy is ectopic?” Sylvan continued. “If the fertilized egg implants itself somewhere other than the womb? The baby that grows from such an egg can’t survive—it will die without the proper nourishment from its mother’s womb. And it will likely kill her in the process.” He looked at Elise. “Do you see now?”

“Yes,” she whispered. Sylvan’s analogy made a terrible kind of sense. I’m like a tumor, she thought, feeling ill. An infection inside Merrick. I’m making him sick—hurting him just by being near him. “Yes, it’s clearer now. Thank you.”

“I still don’t believe it. This is completely fucked up,” Merrick growled angrily.

“I’m sorry,” Sylvan said quietly. He sounded genuinely distressed—the tone of a good doctor who hated giving bad news. “Truly sorry to have to tell you both this.”

Elise felt like she was falling apart. Everything she felt, everything she’d thought she knew to be true was suddenly a lie. A falsehood. A fake. She wanted to cry, wanted to find comfort in Merrick’s strong arms. He would hold her, soothe her. Make her feel better. She started to turn to him…and stopped herself. No, I can’t. Can’t impose on him anymore. What we feel isn’t real and if what Sylvan said was true, it might even be hurting him. I have to stay away. Have to keep my distance.

“Elise…baby…” Merrick said softly and she knew he felt her pain. The compassion and yearning in his tone almost melted her…but somehow Elise stood strong.

“I’m all right,” she said, dashing tears out of her eyes quickly with the back of her hand. “I’ll be all right, Merrick. Both of us will—we have to.”

“No we fucking don’t,” he protested. “I don’t care how the bond was formed—it’s there. We both feel it.”

“What we feel is a lie,” Elise said, more sharply than she’d intended. “I…I’m sorry.” Taking a deep breath, she looked at Sylvan. “What can we do about this? I mean, what’s the treatment?”

“There is no treatment,” Merrick snarled. “A soul bond is forever.”

“Not necessarily,” Sylvan said. “Not when it’s artificially created.”

“What are you saying?” Merrick demanded. “You’re saying we should end it? Break it—just like that? You’re telling me to rip out the roots Elise has put down in me like I’m weeding a fucking garden?”

Elise shivered at the idea. It sounded extremely painful—like pulling a tooth with no Novocain.

“I’m afraid it isn’t going to be quite so simple as that, Merrick,” Sylvan said. “A soul bond, even an artificial one, is very difficult to break or remove. However, I’ve been doing some research and because your bond is artificial, it should be possible to dissolve the roots, hopefully painlessly, and separate the two of you.”

“How do you do that?” Elise asked. “Is there some kind of soul-medicine you use or something?”

“Nothing that I have on hand,” the Kindred doctor said. “But there is a substance that will work. The berries of the skrillix plant which grows only on Rageron can be used to make a compound which does the trick.”

“What, you mean the pain vine?” Merrick sounded incredulous. “The one that grows only in the inner jungle? The plant that’s sacred to the Ancient Ones—that they guard with their fucking lives?”

“I’m afraid so.” Sylvan shifted uncomfortably. “A branch of the vine must be plucked by your own hand—yours or Elise's anyway—and brought back to be placed in the same stasis chamber Elise was held in. Once we hold it in stasis for awhile, it can be taken out and the berries will make a compound which dissolves the artificial bond between the two of you.” He shook his head. “Only then will you be free of each other.”

“What if I don’t want to be fucking free?” Merrick demanded belligerently. “What if I like things the way they are just fine?”

Sylvan looked at Elise. “Will you excuse us for a minute?”

“Certainly,” she said, feeling numb. She slid off the exam table and stumbled, nearly going to her knees. The only thing that saved her was Merrick—his strong hand under her arm held her up, keeping her from collapsing in a heap on the floor.

Even that brief skin-to-skin touch on her bare arm seemed to strengthen her but Elise knew it was wrong. Though it hurt her heart to do so, she shook off his hand and stood on her own.

“Elise…” Merrick’s face was stiff, immobile—but she could hear the hurt in his deep voice. Somehow she forced herself to ignore it.

“Thanks, but I’m fine,” she said, nodding stiffly. “If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to step outside for a minute.” Keeping her chin high and her back straight, she walked out of the exam room, shutting the door quietly behind her.

The med station around her was a hive of activity with nurses and doctors buzzing quietly but briskly about their tasks. There were several other exam rooms arranged in a circle around the central area which was filled with counters and equipment but the doors were shut, indicating that they were occupied.

Elise looked around desperately. She just needed to find a quiet spot to herself for a moment. A spot to break down and cry—to mourn the impending loss she felt to the bottom of her soul. And yes, now she believed she had one because it ached—ached so deeply she thought she might die of the pain.

Finally she spied an empty room—a supply closet filled with fresh sheets, gowns, and cleaning supplies—and slipped into it as quietly and unobtrusively as she could. Then the strength she’d forced herself to feel suddenly gave out and she sank to the floor with her head in her hands.

“Merrick…” she whispered. “Oh, Merrick, I’m so sorry…”

* * * * *

“Merrick, listen to me—you have to dissolve this bond! It’s not healthy for Elise and it’s Goddess-damned dangerous for you as well.”

“I don’t care,” Merrick said stubbornly, crossing his arms over his chest. “I’ve never felt this way for a female before, Sylvan. I don’t want to lose it. I don’t want to lose her.”

“And what if you die of soul sickness from an improperly attached bond?” Sylvan asked harshly. “What do you think will happen to Elise then? Without your touch, she’ll sicken and die too, Merrick. She’s dependent on you—too dependent. A Kindred male and his mate can survive the death of the other—they may not want to live, but they can physically continue. The way you and Elise are linked, your death would mean hers too. It’s not right or fair to tie her to you in such a permanent, terminal way.”

Merrick let out a deep breath as reality set in. “I…I guess you’re right. I wasn’t thinking of it like that.”

“I know how you were thinking, old friend.” Sylvan’s voice was filled with compassion. “I feel the same thing for Sophia. I love her so much I’d rather die than be without her. But if I knew being with her might hurt her—if I knew my death would cause hers as well…”

“You’d leave her, even if it hurt,” Merrick finished for him glumly. “Yeah, I get it.”

“It’s not good for either of you, this artificial bond,” Sylvan said. “It will only make you sick and Elise completely physically dependent on you. She’s a strong, independent female, Merrick. Do you think that’s how she wants to live?”

“No. No, of course not.” Merrick sighed and ran a hand over his skull-cut hair. “I know what you’re saying makes sense—to my head anyway. My heart…well, it’s another story.”

“I know,” Sylvan said gently. “And I’m so very sorry. But listen, Merrick, there’s no saying that once you dissolve the artificial bond you can’t form a new one—a natural one—with her.”

Merrick laughed harshly. “Yeah, right. You know that won’t happen. I’m a hybrid—remember? We can’t form bonds with females. That’s why this…this thing I have with Elise—it seemed like, I don’t know, a fucking miracle. Like something I thought I’d never feel.”

Sylvan squeezed his shoulder. “I know,” he said gently. “I know, Merrick.”

Merrick sighed. “Well, I guess we have no choice—we’ll have to go to Rageron. It’ll be fucking dangerous though—I don’t suppose I could do it alone?”

Sylvan shook his head. “Elise would never survive that long without you.”

“Then I guess she’ll have to come with me.” Merrick shook his head. “I just hope I can keep her safe.”

“If anyone can survive the deep jungle of Rageron and protect his female in the process, you can, old friend.” Sylvan spoke with certainty. “I’m sorry to send you on such a complicated and dangerous journey but the skrillix plant must be plucked by the one who needs it. It's the only way to dissolve the bond and Rageron is the only place it grows.”

“I know.” Merrick nodded briefly. “Just tell me how to keep Elise healthy in the mean time. Do I just keep touching her? Because I gotta tell you, it doesn’t seem like she wants to be touched now…now that she knows.” He thought of the way she’d shaken off his helping hand and the cool way she’d spoken to him before she left. The memory was like a fist in his gut.

“Whether she wants it or not, she needs it,” Sylvan emphasized. “And the longer you two are improperly bonded, the more physical contact she’ll require.”

Merrick shifted uncomfortably. “What are we talking about here, Sylvan? Is this going to get sexual? Because I don’t think Elise is ready for that—I don’t know if she’ll ever be ready, to be honest.”

“Let’s just say that simply holding hands with her won’t be enough to keep her from getting ill. And…yes, it may get sexual,” Sylvan said reluctantly. “As the hunger progresses, her needs will become more and more pressing and it will take more and deeper contact to satisfy them.”

“I’m not going to force her into anything she doesn’t want,” Merrick growled. “I won’t fucking go there with her, no matter what.”

“I’m not asking you to.” Sylvan held up his hands. “I’m just telling you what her needs are likely to be. As to how to satisfy them, well, you’ll have to use your best judgment, my friend.”

“My best judgment. Right.” Merrick could feel the beginnings of a headache starting right behind his eyes. “All I have to do is figure out how to touch a female who doesn’t want to be touched without hurting or scaring her.”

Sylvan looked at him compassionately. “You’ll find a way—I know you will. These things have a way of working themselves out.”

“Easy for you to say,” Merrick muttered. “You have a mate already—you don’t have to worry about this kind of shit.”

“Actually, I did have sort of the same kind of situation with Sophia before we became bonded,” Sylvan said seriously. “We were in a tight spot, hiding from the AllFather down on Earth. I needed to cover her scent with my own to avoid detection but…well, certain events in her past made her fear me. To fear any male, really.”

Merrick nodded. “I suspect something in Elise’s past as well. I’m not sure what but something isn’t right.”

Sylvan sighed. “Then you’re in a delicate situation, my friend. You don’t want to force unwanted physical contact on her but at the same time, you can’t let her starve herself—which she literally will if she doesn’t have enough skin-to-skin time with you.”

“Gods.” Merrick pinched the bridge of his nose as his headache got worse. “This is great. Just fucking great.”

“Just do your best,” Sylvan said gently. “The Goddess is close to her children. She will give you the wisdom to help and protect Elise without hurting or frightening her.”

“The Goddess?” Merrick laughed bitterly. “She doesn’t give a fuck about me—if she even knows I exist at all.”

“She knows, old friend,” Sylvan said quietly. “She mentioned you when she spoke through Nadiah who is her new mouthpiece on First World. She was very angry at the old high priestess for misusing her power and cursing you.”

“Yes, a curse—that’s what this is,” Merrick growled. “That’s exactly what this fucking fake bond is. And somehow I have to break it.” He sighed. “Even if it kills me to do it.”

Chapter Seven

“Oh, hon, are you all right?”

Elise turned to see Olivia standing there, a worried look on her face.

“I…I’m fine,” she said quickly, pulling a fresh pillow case from the stack of linen surrounding her and blotting her eyes. “Fine. Really.”

“Last time I looked being fine doesn’t make you cry your eyes out,” Olivia said gently. “But how did you wind up in here, anyway? I thought you and Merrick were in the exam room talking to Sylvan.”

“Dr. Sylvan said…what he had to say,” Elise said stiffly. “He made it very clear that the bond between Merrick and myself is detrimental to both of us and will have to be broken.”

“Oh no!” Olivia put a hand to her cheek. “I knew it was bad, but is it really that bad?”

“I’m afraid so.” Elise took a deep breath and blotted her eyes again. “I…we…there’s a certain plant that can help and I guess we’ll have to go get it. And once we do the doctor thinks he can make a medicine out of it that will separate us for…forever.” The last word ended in a sob and she had to bury her face in the pillowcase for a moment before she could go on. “It…it’s for the best, I guess. It just doesn’t feel that way right now.”

“Of course it doesn’t.” Olivia gave her a spontaneous hug. Although the blonde nurse's pregnant belly got in the way of the embrace, Elise found that it made her feel better.

“Thank you,” she said with a sigh. “I know we don’t really know each other but you’ve been very kind to me. Thank you for understanding.”

“I told you—I’ve had my share of Kindred man problems myself. In fact, we all have.”

“We?” Elise frowned.

“My sister and best friend and cousin all live here on the Mother Ship,” Olivia explained. “In fact, we were just about to have one of our girl days. I only ran up here because I remembered I’d forgotten to log in some patient information.” She smiled. “Why don’t you come back with me and meet the other girls?”

“I don’t know…” Elise frowned. She had never made friends or connections easily or quickly. It was one reason why the sudden connection between herself and Merrick had seemed so miraculous.

“Oh, come on.” Olivia tugged gently on her arm. “We don’t bite, I promise. And my cousin, Lauren, makes the most amazing cupcakes and muffins. In fact, she has a big plate of chocolate, chocolate chip cupcakes with dark chocolate icing all ready to go. Come on, you know you want some.”

Actually, Elise was beginning to feel hungry again and the idea of chocolate cupcakes made her stomach growl. “Well…” She took a single reluctant step forward which Olivia obviously took for assent.

“Great.” She grinned at Elise. “Come on, they’re all going to love you. I just know it. And there’s nothing like a girl day to cheer you up when you have man troubles.”

“Okay.” Elise allowed herself to be led out of the supply closet. “But…what about Merrick?”

“Don’t worry about him,” Olivia said. “I’ll have Sophie tell Sylvan to let him know you’re with me and the girls. He’ll understand. Besides…” She hesitated tactfully. “Maybe you two need a little break right now. You think?”

“Maybe so,” Elise agreed, even though a break from the big Kindred was the last thing she wanted. What she longed for was to feel his arms around her, to bury her face in his neck and lose herself in his warm, dark scent. But I can’t do that anymore, she reminded herself. I need to leave him alone.

Trying to put thoughts of Merrick far from her mind, she followed Olivia out of the med center without looking back.

They went down a number of the curving metal corridors before Olivia came to a stop in front of a door. “We’re hanging out at my friend Kat’s place this time,” she explained as she knocked on the metal panel. “Her husbands are at some kind of Twin Kindred conference right now.”

“Hey!” The panel slid open to reveal a voluptuous woman with fiery red hair and big blue eyes. “Liv!” she said, hugging Olivia. “And I see you’ve brought a friend.”

“Elise, this is Kat,” Olivia said, indicating the red haired woman. “And this is Sophie, my twin sister…” She nodded at a woman with long chestnut brown hair and green eyes who was sitting on a couch behind Kat. “And my cousin, Lauren—she’s the baker I told you about.”

An African American woman with creamy light brown skin and lovely amber eyes smiled at Elise. “Hi, come have a cupcake.” She indicated a plate on the coffee table in front of the oversized couch. As promised, they were chocolate with chocolate icing.

“Everybody, this is Elise,” Olivia announced. “I had to twist her arm to get her here so don’t go scaring her off.”

“Of course not—we don’t bite.” The red haired woman named Kat laughed easily.

Elise’s stomach rumbled as she eyed the plate of cupcakes and she stepped forward uncertainly. “Um, thanks for having me. I hope you don’t mind me intruding on your private time together.”

“Intruding? Please!” The girl Olivia had introduced as her twin sister laughed. Despite their different hair and eye color, Elise noticed that their faces were identical. “We’ve all been dying to meet you,” she said.

“You have?” Elise frowned.

“Sure, doll.” Kat put an arm around her shoulders and drew her further into the room. “You’re the latest member in our exclusive club—girls who have been kidnapped by the AllFather and lived to tell about it.”

“Really?” Elise looked at them, wide-eyed.

“Yup.” Olivia’s twin, Sophie, nodded solemnly. “He took us all, at one time or another, but we all made it through.” She leaned forward, her green eyes serious. “That’s why we wanted to meet you so much. We wanted to let you know that you can get through it.”

“We wanted to offer you our support,” Lauren said quietly.

“Not to mention a cupcake or two.” Olivia held out the plate. “Come on, take one. If you don’t, I’ll eat them all.”

Elise laughed a little. “Oh, really…”

“You think she’s kidding, but she’s not,” Kat said flatly. “See, being pregnant with a Kindred baby makes you completely ravenous. It takes so much to feed the little guys…” She looked at Lauren. “…or girls, that you can hardly eat enough.”

“She’s right.” Olivia took a cupcake herself and then urged Elise to do the same. “Shove over, Sophie,” she commanded her sister, plopping down on the couch and making room for Elise as well. “Let’s have some serious girl talk here—I think Elise could use it.”

“Of course, you don’t have to talk if you don’t want to,” Sophie said quickly, as she scooted over on the oversized couch to make room for her sister and Elise. “Please don’t think we’re prying.”

“It’s just that we know how traumatic being held by the AllFather can be,” Lauren said softly. “He held me for weeks. I wouldn’t have gotten out alive if it wasn’t for my man, Xairn. He rescued me and brought me back to Earth, but I still wake up some nights dreaming I’m locked up there, naked in that cold metal cell…” She shivered. “You know what I mean.”

“Yes, I do.” Elise looked down at her cupcake. “But…well, that’s not my problem. Not now.”

“What is it, hon?” Kat asked. “You can tell us, if you want.”

Elise had always been an intensely private person but when she looked at the other women sitting on the couch she saw understanding and compassion in all their eyes. They know, she thought, looking at them. They understand what I’ve been through because they’ve been through it too.

That realization seemed to free her somehow and when she opened her mouth, the truth came out. “It’s…it’s Merrick,” she said softly. “I thought there was something between us—some kind of a bond. And apparently there is, but it’s the wrong kind of bond…” Urged gently along by Olivia and the rest of the girls, she gradually told everything that had just happened. “And now I feel like some kind of a…a tumor. A cancer growing inside him,” she finished, feeling the tears begin to flow again despite all she could do to stop them. “I don’t want to hurt him and I know everything between us is fake but it still just feels so real somehow.”

“Of course it does.” Olivia put down her cupcake and put an arm around Elise. “Any time you make a connection with a Kindred male it’s a big deal. They’re not easy to get over.”

“That’s just the thing,” Elise said. “I don’t want to get over him.” She sighed. “But I know I have to. Even if our bond wasn’t all wrong, I do have a fiancé.”

“Who you love very much, right?” Sophie said eagerly.

Elise thought of James and nodded. “Yes, very much,” she said, trying to sound certain. “He’s very sweet and kind. Well, most of the time. And anyway, we’ve been engaged for well over a year and our wedding is coming up soon. I’ve got it all planned—the cake, the flowers, the dress—I can’t just give up on that because I feel this…this thing for Merrick.” She didn’t know how to describe the intense attraction, the need to touch and be touched any other way. Or maybe she was embarrassed to.

“So you’ll dissolve the bond and go on with your life,” Olivia said reasonably.

“Whoa—wait a minute. Dissolve the bond?” Kat raised her eyebrows. “I thought that was impossible.”

“It is with most bonds, but ours is fake—artificially created.” The words seemed to stick in Elise’s throat but she forced them out anyway. “Doctor Sylvan—”

“That’s my hubby,” Sophie put in.

“Oh, well, he’s very nice.” Elise smiled at her.

“That reminds me,” Olivia interrupted. “Sophie, could you tell Sylvan to let Merrick know that Elise is with us?”

“Sure.” Sophie got a look of concentration on her face and then nodded at Elise. “Done. Go on, what did Sylvan say?”

“He said there’s a plant that grows on a place called Rageron—”

She was stopped by a gasp from the assembled group. “Really? Rageron?” Kat asked. “I mean, I know it’s one of the Kindred home worlds, but…”

“But what?” Elise demanded. “Please tell me—I need to know what to expect.”

“It’s just supposed to be kind of wild,” Lauren said delicately. “It’s a jungle world, from what I understand.”

“Wild and dangerous.” Kat frowned. “Are you sure you have to go there?”

“I don’t think we have any choice.” Elise shrugged. “I mean, we have to get the plant and that’s the only place it grows.”

"Why couldn't Baird go get it for you?" Olivia asked. "That's my husband—he's from Rageron originally so he should know his way around. I bet he could just nip down and get the plant and be back here in no time."

Elise shook her head. "It's nice of you to offer but Dr. Sylvan said it has to be plucked from the vine by the hand of the person who needs it. So Merrick and I are the only ones who can get it."

“Then we’ll have to get you an injection of translation bacteria,” Olivia said practically. “To help you understand what the natives are saying. And don’t be scared, Elise. According to Baird, Rageron is beautiful.”

“And I’m sure it can’t be any worse than Tranq Prime which is where Sylvan is from,” Sophie put in. “It’s a subzero tundra and the people have to live in underground caves called grottos.”

“Uh-huh.” Kat snorted. “And the only thing colder than the surface of the planet are the hearts of its inhabitants—right, Sophie?”

“They are pretty cold,” Sophie admitted. “When Nadiah told us all about what had happened to her there, I wasn’t surprised a bit.”

“Nadiah?” Elise frowned. “Who’s that?”

“Another friend,” Olivia said, smiling. “We were hoping she would wind up here on the Mother Ship with all of us but she’s stuck on First World instead—the original Kindred home planet.”

Sophie sighed. “I wonder how she’s doing? Last time I talked to her she and Rast were still angelically happy—no pun intended. But I certainly do miss her.”

“I miss her too,” Kat said smiling. “Freaky visions and all.”

“It’s true things weren’t dull with her around,” Lauren said. “Hey, Elise, would you like another cupcake?”

“Another?” Looking down at her empty cupcake wrapper, Elise realized she’d finished the enormous chocolate cupcake almost without noticing. “Oh my! I didn’t mean to eat the whole thing.”

Olivia laughed. “The famous last words around here! Only in my case, it’s ‘I didn’t mean to finish the whole plate.’” She helped herself to another cupcake, still laughing.

“Chocolate is therapeutic,” Kat lectured, taking a second cupcake herself. “So if you think of it that way—”

“Mistress Kat?” a new, masculine voice interrupted her.

“What?” Kat looked around, startled. “Where did that come from?”

“I think you have a call,” Lauren said.

“Oh, all right.” Kat got up and pressed a button on a black cube-like device. A blue holographic image of a Kindred warrior’s head suddenly expanded, hovering over the cube.

“I am communications officer Jarule. Pardon me for interrupting your female bonding,” the head said. “But I was told by Commander Sylvan this was where I might find the Earth female, Elise Darden.”

“Yes, I’m here.” Elise felt suddenly uneasy. “What can I do for you?”

“You have a call in the viewing room. An Earth male who is most distraught,” the warrior told her. “He says he is your fiancé and that you were kidnapped and taken aboard the Mother Ship. He demands to know what has become of you. Will you speak with him?”

Elise groaned. “Oh no, James…” Of course her fiancé was upset. He was probably missing his flight to Japan while he tried to track her down.

Sophie looked at her sympathetically. “You’d probably better go and explain about the trip to Rageron,” she said.

Elise groaned again and put a hand to her head. The trip to another planet—she’d almost forgotten about that. James was just going to love hearing that she was going light years away with another male—especially the one he thought had kidnapped her in the first place.

“I’ll come with you if you want,” Olivia offered. “For moral support.”

“Thanks.” Elise nodded gratefully. “That would help.” She had a sudden inspiration. “Um, do you think you could try to explain that I have to go, for medical reasons? Without telling him…”

“About the bond? Sure.” Olivia nodded understandingly. “Of course I can. I’ll do my best strict nurse routine for him. That should do the trick.”

“I hope so.” Elise sighed. “I really hope so.”

“Don’t worry.” Olivia struggled to her feet, helped by a gentle push from her sister. “We’ve got this. Let’s go.”

As expected, her fiancé was livid.

“Elise!” he exploded, the minute she and Olivia walked into the viewing room. “Do you realize I’m going to be late to my business conference because of this nonsense? What is going on?”

Elise opened her mouth, trying to think of an explanation that wouldn’t send the already angry James into the stratosphere, but Olivia beat her to it.

“Elise is very ill, Mr.…”

“Blaisdon,” he said impatiently. “And she looks perfectly fine to me.”

“Are you a medical professional?” Olivia snapped, her grey eyes flashing.

“Well, no…” James seemed taken aback by her attack. “But who are you?”

“I’m Elise’s nurse,” Olivia said frostily. “And I’m sorry to inform you that your fiancée has a very rare but serious illness called stasis sickness.”

“Really?” James looked genuinely distressed. “Darling, is this true?” he asked Elise.

“I’m afraid so.” Elise nodded, feeling guilty for not telling him the whole story. “I’m sorry, James.”

“It’s not your fault if you’re ill, darling.” He looked at Olivia. “What can be done for her? Is it curable?”

She nodded. “It is, but unfortunately we don’t have the necessary medicine here on the Mother Ship. Elise is going to have to visit Rageron, one of the other Kindred home worlds, to be cured.”

“What?” James began to look less worried and more displeased. “Are you seriously saying she has to go to an entirely different planet to be cured? That seems rather excessive.”

“Do you want her to be well in time for your wedding or not?” Olivia demanded, glaring at him.

“Well, yes, of course I do,” he protested, obviously caught off balance again. “I mean, it’s only a month away now.”

Just a month. Elise had a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach. The date of the wedding had been set for ages but she’d somehow managed to forget it was quite that close. She’d taken care of the details months ago and then promptly put the whole thing to the back of her mind. The way I put James to the back of my mind. So far back I forgot him completely, she thought, another wave of guilt sweeping over her.

James looked at Olivia anxiously. “Will Elise be home in time for the wedding? It will mean a fearful amount of rescheduling if she isn’t.”

“Don’t worry about that,” a deep, familiar voice growled from behind them.

Elise turned with a start to see Merrick standing there, his muscular arms crossed over his broad chest.

“Ah, so it’s you again.” James gave the big Kindred a most unwelcoming look. “Am I to take it that you will be accompanying my fiancé to this other planet for treatment?”

“That’s right.” Merrick nodded insolently. “But don’t worry, I’ll have her back in time for your joining ceremony.” He gave Elise an inscrutable look. “All healed up and good as new.”

“I don’t like this,” James blustered. “I don’t like it one bit. I insist on having a second opinion. And I think I should be the one to accompany Elise to this other planet.”

“You on Rageron?” Merrick barked laughter. “Sorry, buddy, but I don’t think you’d last very long in one of your own jungles on Earth, let alone the Deep Blue.”

“The Deep Blue?” Elise said. “What’s that?”

Merrick spared her a glance. “It’s what they call the darkest, most inaccessible part of the jungle on Rageron. It’s the only place the pain vine grows.”

“I don’t like the sound of that.” James’ voice on the viewscreen was shrill and his face was red. “It sounds dangerous.”

“It is,” Merrick growled. “But then, so am I.” He gave James a level look. “Don’t worry, I’ll take care of Elise and bring her back to you in one piece. Then the two of you can be joined and live happily ever-fucking-after. All right?”

James looked like he wanted to protest more but Elise spoke up.

“Please, James, it’s the only way I can be healed,” she said. “I know it puts a crimp in our plans and I’m sorry for that. But I promise I’ll be back…back in time for our wedding.” The words seemed to stick in her throat but she forced them out anyway.

James was still frowning but at least now he looked somewhat mollified. “Well, if you’re certain this is the only way…”

“It is,” Olivia said firmly.

“And you can guarantee my fiancée’s safety,” he continued, looking at Merrick.

“I guarantee it.” The big Kindred nodded.

James sighed and threw up his hands. “Well, I still don’t like it but I guess I have no choice. I’ll see you in a month, darling.” He nodded at Elise.

“Or possibly sooner,” Olivia said helpfully.

“As long as she’s back in time for our wedding,” James said. He looked at Elise. “My mother’s put in a lot of work on this and I don’t have to tell you how upset she’ll be if you spoil the big occasion, darling.”

“Yes, I know,” Elise muttered. Her future mother-in-law wasn’t exactly one of her favorite people. Luckily she lived in London and rarely visited but she’d still managed to put in her two cents on almost every single detail of the upcoming wedding. It was one reason Elise had been so happy to have the whole thing planned and out of mind.

“Well then.” James clapped his hands together in a gesture of finality. “If that’s all there is to be said then I should get going. I can still make the next flight to Japan if I hurry.”

“Go on then, don’t miss your flight again,” Elise urged him.

“Very well. I love you, darling.” James blew her a kiss which she pretended to catch. It was a ritual with them but Elise couldn’t help feeling silly doing it in front of Merrick.

“Um, I love you too,” she said. It wasn’t exactly the most rousing display of affection but James didn’t seem to notice. Now that Elise’s situation was all squared away, he was probably already thinking of his business trip and how he would explain his tardiness to the Japanese businessmen he’d be meeting.

“Be safe,” he told her. He gave Merrick one last frown and then the viewscreen went blank.

“Well, well…so your joining is in less than a month.” Merrick was giving her an inscrutable look, his mismatched eyes narrowed.

“More or less.” Elise crossed her arms over her breasts protectively.

“Another little detail you forgot to tell me.” His deep voice was flat.

“No, another detail I haven’t been thinking about,” Elise snapped. “I’ve been a little too busy to focus on my wedding, what with being kidnapped, tortured, put in stasis, taken out of stasis, and forming a fake bond that apparently means absolutely nothing with you.”

The minute she said the words she wished she could call them back, but it was too late. Merrick’s eyes flashed briefly and then his face went blank. “Don’t worry about it,” he growled softly. “You’ll be free of the bond—and me—before you know it. We leave for Rageron tonight.”

“Merrick, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it.” Elise put a hand on his arm. “It’s just…this is all extremely stressful. You know how I really feel, don’t you?”

“No, and neither do you.” He shook off her hand. “Like you said, all our feelings are a lie. As fake as our bond.”

Elise caught her breath. His words felt like a barb in her heart. “Merrick…”

But he was already turning away. “Be ready,” he said, over his shoulder. “This won’t be an easy trip.”

And then he was gone, leaving Elise feeling even more wretched than she had earlier, if that was possible.

Chapter Eight

“My Lady, I would speak to you if you permit it.”

Nadiah looked up slowly from the scroll she’d been studying—an ancient thing, written on parchment which was cracked and fragile with age. It was one of the oldest documents in the temple library…and yet, it was still less than a thousand years old. She’d been hoping to find something older, something from the time when Rast’s father had been the ruler of First World, but so far her search had turned up nothing.

“My Lady?” Lissa asked again and Nadiah realized she’d been lost in thought.

“Yes, of course,” she said, smiling and pushing the scroll carefully to one side. She wore white gloves made of grantham silk to handle it, as the curator of the library had instructed her. They felt like spider webs against her fingers and she drew them off with some difficulty, afraid she would rip their fragile fabric.

“Forgive me,” Lissa said, coming to stand at her side. “I know it is impertinent of me to address the Lysell in such an informal way but, well…” She twisted her fingers together, seeming unable to go on.

“Don’t be silly,” Nadiah said gently. To tell the truth, she’d been hoping Lissa would approach her. Rast was a wonderful mate but he was still a male and what Nadiah most wanted on First World was a good girl friend, someone she could gossip and have girl talk with. Though Lissa had somewhat stiff and formal manners, Nadiah thought she was mostly just shy and unsure of herself. She was sure if she could just get through the barrier the young high priestess had put around herself, she would find a wonderful and loyal friend. “I don’t mind—in fact, I’d love to talk,” she told Lissa, hoping to draw her out more.

“You are very kind.” The priestess bit her lip, her jade green eyes troubled. “But I fear you may not feel so kindly toward me when you hear what I have to say. I…I cannot say it to Challa Rast—I fear to. But I hoped that maybe you could talk to him on my behalf.”

“I’ll certainly do my best.” Reaching up, Nadiah took one of the girl’s hands in hers and drew her down to sit in the chair beside her. Luckily the library was completely deserted except for the two of them and the small, triangular table she’d been studying at had more than enough room for another person. “Now, what is it you have to say?”

“I…I…” Lissa took a deep breath. “I am not fit to be high priestess.”

“What?” Nadiah frowned. “What are you talking about?” Rast had made Lissa the high priestess after the old one had been demoted by none other than the Goddess herself. It had been a spur of the moment decision but Nadiah felt in her gut that it was right. So why was Lissa saying otherwise? “Why would you say that—think that?” she urged softly when the young priestess was still silent.

“I…I have had impure thoughts,” Lissa said in a rush. “Thoughts which I cannot deny or purge though I have tried over and over.” She looked down at her hands, her dark blonde hair, streaked with jade green that matched her eyes, falling around her flushed cheeks. “Forgive me, my Lady.”

“There’s nothing to forgive.” Gently, Nadiah raised her chin and saw that Lissa’s eyes were bright with unshed tears. “We all have those kinds of thoughts from time to time,” she said. “You don’t have to feel bad about it.”

“You don’t know the whole of it.” Lissa’s face was anguished as she spoke. “It is not only the thoughts themselves but the person I have been thinking of. He…he is my brother.” She buried her face in her hands, her shoulders shaking. “Oh, the shame! I have tried so hard to bury my feelings for him, to cast them into the sands of the Rainbow Desert and be rid of them forever but I cannot…I cannot.”

“Wait a minute,” Nadiah said reasonably. “Now, if I remember correctly, when you say ‘brother’ you just mean someone who was born into your own clan, is that right? There isn’t really any blood relation between you, you just happen to come from the same ‘home town’ as my friend, Sophie, would say.”

Lissa nodded but her eyes were still troubled. “If that was all there was to my story, it would be bad enough. The kinship ties of the clan, the fact that we bear the same mark…” She turned to Nadiah and lifted the hem of her simple white robe to show what she meant. There, high on her left inner thigh, Nadiah saw what looked like a ritual tattoo—a circle about as big as a coin surrounded by wavy lines. “I am a member of the Sun Clan of the Touch Kindred,” Lissa said softly. “As such, I could have been mated to a male of the Moon Clan or the Star Clan with honor. I could even have chosen a male from the Wind or Water or Fire Clan, though they are considered beneath us as they have almost no Touch ability.”

“So you fell in love with a male within your own clan with the same marking,” Nadiah said, trying to understand. “But you still aren’t related by blood, are you?”

“No. But what I did was more shameful than even that,” Lissa murmured. “I…I broke a sacred trust. You see, my parents—my true parents—were traders to the stars. So even though they were members of the Sun Clan, we didn’t often see the others in our clan because we were always off trading. Then when I was twelve cycles old, our ship was taken by pirates. A passing Kindred freighter responded to the distress signal my father managed to set off but by the time they came it was too late, my parents and little brother had all been killed.”

She spoke calmly enough, relating the terrible tale, but Nadiah thought she could still see the hurt and terror that twelve year old girl must have felt, watching her parents and brother being butchered in front of her. “Oh, Lissa,” she murmured, pressing the other girl’s hand gently.

“It was a long time ago.” Lissa sighed. “Though dreams of it still haunt me sometimes.”

“What happened to you?” Nadiah asked. “Were you adopted by another family in your clan?”

Lissa nodded. “Indeed—by none other than the Over Chief’s family. The chief of the Sun Clan is also the head of all the Touch Kindred,” she explained. “It was a great and unexpected honor but the Over Chief had been very close to my mother when they were children growing up together.”

“So…but if your real mother was of the Sun Clan, your real father…”

“Was of the Moon Clan. But we take whatever is the highest standing when we are joined,” Lissa explained. “So if a woman of a higher clan takes a male of a lower clan as her mate, he moves to her home clan, not the other way around.”

“I see—it’s different on Tranq Prime, but that makes sense.” Nadiah nodded. “Go on.”

“The Over Chief had a son.” Lissa looked down at the tabletop, tracing one slender finger in a complicated design on the smooth wooden surface. “A son about four years older than me named Saber. It means ‘Bright Blade of the Sun.’ He had more Touch ability than any male born in generations.”

“But I thought your people—the Touch Kindred—were trying to breed out the uh, Touch ability,” Nadiah said.

“That is what they tell the Kindred Council,” Lissa said. “The truth is, they aren’t seeking to breed out the ability but to breed control into those who have it. Saber had that control. He wasn’t reckless and wild and cruel like so many of the Touch males are. He…he was protective and kind and understanding. Everything a big brother should be. But it wasn’t as a brother that I felt for him. I…” Her voice broke and she shook her head, obviously unable to go on.

“You fell in love with him, didn’t you?” Nadiah said gently.

“Y-yes,” Lissa whispered and when she looked up, tears were flowing freely down her cheeks. “Even though we were of the same clan—of the same household—I still allowed myself to feel for him. You see, he really was raised as my older brother from the time I was twelve and he was sixteen. We were kin in every way that mattered.”

“Except by blood,” Nadiah pointed out.

Lissa swiped at her eyes. “Blood ties are nothing compared to the sacred trust of adoption. By allowing myself to feel for Saber, I dishonored the memory of my parents and spit on the kindness the Over Chief and his wife, my adopted mother, had showed me. I knew these things as I was falling in love with Saber and yet, somehow I could not stop myself…”

“I bet it wasn’t a one way street,” Nadiah said. “I’m guessing he felt the same way about you.”

“He did.” Lissa nodded. “Though he waited until I was eighteen cycles old and of age to admit it to me. He said…” She laughed brokenly. “He said he wanted our joining to be legal in at least one way even if it was completely taboo in every other way.”

“So you were going to run away together?” Nadiah lifted her eyebrows. “That’s very brave. I ran away from Y’dex too, you know. My parents wanted me to marry him but I just couldn’t—he was everything I loathed about Tranq Prime all rolled up in one nasty package.” She shivered, remembering Y’dex’s bulging blue eyes and the horrible way he’d treated her.

“Then you were much more courageous than I was,” Lissa said in a low voice. “When Saber declared his love to me, I was indecisive—fearful of the consequences and ashamed—deeply ashamed both of my own feelings and the feelings I had somehow inspired in him.”

“Is the taboo really that strong?” Nadiah asked, frowning. “I mean, I know you were living in the same family but you were both older than children when you met and as you said, he was protective and kind to you at a time when you had just suffered a great loss. It’s not so surprising that you should come to love him.”

“Yes, it is,” Lissa said grimly. “Do you have any brothers—true brothers—my Lady?”

Nadiah shook her head. “The closest I have is Sylvan—he’s my older cousin.”

“And what if you were to fall in love with him?” Lissa asked in a quiet voice. “So much so that you wished to be joined to him, to receive the Deep Touch from him and bear his children?”

“Eww!” Nadiah wrinkled her nose involuntarily. “I mean, please don’t misunderstand me, I love Sylvan very much but not that way.”

Lissa nodded. “Your instinctive reaction is right and proper—and would be considered so by my people as well. Now take that reaction—that feeling of instinctive revulsion you felt at the idea of joining with your cousin—and multiply it by ten. That is the emotion we of the Touch Kindred have been taught to feel about the idea of mating with one of our own clan. Add to that the fact that the male I wanted was of the same household—in name and deed my actual older brother—and you can multiply it by a hundred, maybe even a thousand. There is no word strong enough for the wrongness Saber and I committed together.”

“Oh my,” Nadiah breathed, finally understanding. “You’d be social pariahs—outcasts if anyone found out.”

“And someone did,” Lissa said grimly. “Saber begged for the chance to prove his love, to prove to me that we belonged together. And I…I agreed. And so it was that my adopted mother came upon us in the woods when Saber was Touching me.”

“Touching you?” Nadiah frowned. “How? Was he stroking your cheek or were you kissing or…or doing something else?”

Lissa recoiled as though Nadiah had struck her. “He wasn’t touching me physically with his hands or mouth!” She sounded shocked and horrified. “Though we had admitted our love, even then we were not so shameless as to physically touch each other. Not that way, anyway. Not…not sexually,” she ended in a low, embarrassed voice.

“What way then?” Nadiah asked, mystified.

“With his mind of course,” Lissa said, as though it was the most natural thing in the world. “You see, when people of the same clan Touch each other intimately with their minds it feels wrong. The same way physically kissing or touching one of your close male relatives romantically would feel wrong to you.” She sighed. “Saber wanted to prove to me that it wouldn’t feel wrong between us. That his mental Touch on my body would give me pleasure, not revulsion.”

“How did it feel?” Nadiah asked, completely caught up in the story now. “Did it feel wrong? Or right?”

Lissa frowned. “It felt…forbidden. Like it was something we ought not to do. But so…so pleasurable, I can scarcely describe it.” She shivered as though reliving some exotic sensation. “I can still feel his whisper-fingers sliding through my hair—I was the only Kindred female in our clan and everyone else made fun of it, you know. They said my green stripes made me look like a tseeba—an ugly little animal with stripes down its back. But Saber, he told me not to pay any attention to them. He thought my hair was beautiful.”

“So your adopted mother caught him touching your hair with his mind?” To Nadiah, it still sounded extremely innocent.

Lissa blushed a dull red. “He…he kissed me too. Not with his mouth, of course. But his whisper-lips were so soft, so gentle…”

“How did your adopted mother even know what was happening?” Nadiah asked. “I mean, if you were both just standing there, not even physically in contact…”

“You can tell when two of my people are Touching each other,” Lissa said grimly. “The Touch Field around them extends quite far. It…it excites anyone in the immediate vicinity.”

“Like a mental aphrodisiac.” Nadiah shook her head. “Amazing.”

“And very telling,” Lissa said sadly. “So you see, there was no way to disguise what we were doing even though we were standing three feet apart at least.”

“What did she do?” Nadiah asked, although she already had an idea.

“She was livid, of course.” Lissa cringed with what was obviously a very painful memory. “She said I had corrupted her son, that he never would have done such a thing if I hadn’t tempted him. Saber tried to defend me but she said his protectiveness was just another symptom of the spell I had cast on him. She…” Lissa swallowed hard, as though forcing herself to continue. “She said I might as well spit on my parents’ graves—that the dishonor I had done them was so great it was unforgivable.”

“Oh, Lissa…” Nadiah squeezed the other girl’s hand in sympathy. “I’m so sorry. So I guess that was when she decided to send you to First World to be a priestess?”

Lissa nodded. “Had we been caught in a physical embrace or—Goddess forbid—if I had allowed Saber to give me the Deep Touch…” she blushed with embarrassment at the words. “Well, I don’t even know if that would have been possible between us, but had we even tried, we would both have been stoned to death. However, since the Touch Saber gave me was slight and nonphysical, my adopted mother chose to conceal the matter and simply separate us.”

“Thank the Goddess you weren’t stoned,” Nadiah exclaimed. “How barbaric!”

“Yes, I was granted life though I deserved death. But sometimes I wonder if death might not have been kinder.” Lissa looked troubled. “You see, before she sent me to First World, she made me renounce Saber.”

“Renounce him? What does that mean exactly to your people?”

Lissa hung her head. “I had to tell him I didn’t love him anymore. Say that I never wanted to see him again. I swore a formal oath that I would never be his. And oh, my Lady…” She looked up at Nadiah. “When I said those words and saw the light of his love for me dying in his eyes…then I wanted to die too. I hurt him…hurt him so badly because it was the only way to keep him from me. To keep his mother from exposing what had happened between us.”

“She blackmailed you,” Nadiah said indignantly.

Lissa nodded. “Yes. She said that even though he was her son and she loved him, she would expose him to the entire clan if he didn’t renounce me. Saber…he was braver than I. He refused to say the formal words or take the oath never to see me again. But I feared for him—for his future. He is to be the next ruler of our people, just as Challa Rast is the Councilor of the First Kindred. All that would be lost if anyone knew of our shame.”

“So you lied to him to keep him away. To keep from hurting him or spoiling his future,” Nadiah said softly.

Lissa nodded again. “Yes, I could see no other way.” She sighed. “It has been three long cycles since our separation and Saber is doubtless joined to another girl from a different clan. I am certain he never even thinks of me anymore. But I…I cannot stop thinking of him. Cannot stop loving him, wanting him. And wondering what might have happened if I had agreed to run away with him when he first asked me.”

“Would you have joined with him?” Nadiah asked gently. “Would you have agreed to be his mate and the mother of his children?”

Lissa shook her head. “I can't say. I don’t know if we could have overcome the injection of kinship compound we both received as infants. And even if we could, I don't know if the shame I felt—that I still feel—would ever have allowed me to take the Deep Touch from him.” She blushed again. “But Saber said he loved me so much he was willing to forgo a physical relationship. He said that if all we ever did was Touch with our minds, it would be enough for him.”

“That’s amazing,” Nadiah said honestly. “He must really have loved you. Most males want a physical relationship above all else—at least that’s what I’ve heard.”

“I know,” Lissa whispered. “Though I am daily grateful I never had one with Saber. The shame of such a memory would have been too great to bear and I would have been forced to end my life.”

“Surely not,” Nadiah objected. “Don’t even talk that way.”

Lissa looked at her earnestly. “But it’s how I feel—how I was taught to believe. I can’t help the way I was raised, my Lady.”

“Call me Nadiah. And I’m sorry that your upbringing has given you such overwhelming guilt.” She squeezed Lissa’s hand again. “But I still don’t think it makes you unfit to be the high priestess.”

“But it does,” Lissa protested. “Because I still have those feelings for Saber. Even though I know I’ll never see him again, I still think of the way he Touched me. I still…still want him.”

“Well, no matter what, you’re still not related to him by blood,” Nadiah said firmly. “I understand your people’s taboo, Lissa, but I want you to know I don’t think any less of you for what you’ve gone through or how you feel.”

“Truly? You don’t?” Lissa began to cry again but this time, Nadiah thought, with relief. “Oh, thank you, my Lady. Thank you…Nadiah.”

“You’re welcome, Lissa.” Nadiah lifted the other girl’s chin and looked into her lovely jade eyes. “The Goddess doesn’t call us to be perfect, you know,” she said softly. “Only to strive to live in her light and show her kindness and love to the universe. You do that very well, I think.” She smiled. “Certainly better than the old high priestess, what’s-her-name…”

“Minverna,” Lissa said. “Her name is Minverna.”

“Oh, right.” Nadiah nodded. “You know, I haven’t seen her around lately. Is she still sulking in her new quarters?”

“You mean the novice quarters?” Lissa allowed herself the ghost of a smile and Nadiah was sure she hadn’t been fond of the overbearing ex-high priestess either. “Yes, she’s been keeping the door shut and only coming out late at night when no one’s around.”

“That has to stop,” Nadiah said frowning. “She’s had long enough to lick her wounds and I don’t like the idea of her sneaking around the temple at night when no one else is up and around to keep an eye on her.” The old high priestess had been power hungry in the extreme and Nadiah wouldn’t put it past her to try some kind of sabotage in order to get revenge on herself and Rast for her new, lowly position.

“I will look in on her this very night,” Lissa promised dutifully. “Forgive me for not doing so before. It is…difficult to assert my authority over one who has always been so much more powerful than me.”

“Of course it is,” Nadiah said comfortingly. “If you want, I’ll have Rast go with you. Old Minverna won’t dare to mess with him—not after what happened last time she tried.”

Lissa smiled again, a little broader this time. “Thank you, my L…Nadiah, but I think I can handle it. Without her Goddess-given power she is just an old woman. An angry and unhappy one, but just an old woman all the same.”

“All right then.” Nadiah smiled at her. “I’m so glad we had this talk. I’ve felt from the first moment I saw you that we would be friends if we could just get to know each other.”

“Friends?” Lissa’s jade green eyes went round with surprise. “The Lysell would think of me as a friend?”

“Of course I would.” Nadiah laughed. “Don’t look so surprised. You’re sweet and earnest and loyal and kind—of course I want you for a friend.” She grew suddenly shy. “But…I’m not sure. If you don’t feel the same way…”

“Of course I do!” Lissa grabbed her hand and squeezed it tightly. “I’ve felt so alone since I came here,” she said in a quiet, intense voice. “So cut off from everyone else, even the other priestesses, because I couldn’t tell anyone my secret. But with you…now you know. And…and you truly don’t hate me for it?”

“Of course not.” Nadiah laughed. “Not a bit. And Lissa,” she said, growing more serious. “I think you should forgive yourself for your feelings. They may seem unnatural to you, but I promise you that most of the people in the universe would think differently.” She sighed. “Of course, I know we all have our own hang-ups—”

“Hang-ups?” Lissa frowned.

“Oh, it’s an Earth word I got from my good friend Sophie,” Nadiah explained. “It means we all have certain things that bother us, that we get caught or hung up on and can’t get past. But—”

“My Lady? My Lady!” One of the few male temple guards suddenly rushed into the library, his face red from exertion. “Oh, my Lady,” he gasped, nodding at Nadiah. “My Lord the Challa thought I might find you here.”

Nadiah was instantly on the alert. “What is it? What’s wrong?”

“A…a ship has been found,” the guard explained, still gasping a little for breath. “It crash landed in the desert outside the holy mountain.”

“What kind of ship?” Nadiah went suddenly cold. “Does it belong to one of the Hoard?” The Hoard were an ancient Kindred enemy which had recently resurfaced and now threatened everything her people held dear.

“No, my Lady.” The guard shook his head. “The ship is not of that cursed origin. It is the occupant which must concern you. He was badly injured in the crash. But he keeps calling…”

“Calling what?” Nadiah asked impatiently, when he didn’t finish his sentence. “Calling for who?”

“Calling for you, my Lady.” The temple guard looked grave. “He has been calling with his dying breath for you.”

Nadiah rushed down to the lower levels of the holy mountain with the winded guard leading the way as fast as he could. The infirmary was located not far from the temple kitchens where the special memory bread was baked and she got there less than ten minutes after the guard had come for her.

The first thing she saw upon opening the heavy stone door was her new husband, Rast, leaning over a cot containing a limp figure. She tried to see who it was but Rast’s broad shoulders blocked her way even though his wings were currently furled tight and folded against his body.

“Rast?” She said, coming into the room quickly. “Rast, who—?”

“Nadiah.” He got up, still blocking her view—deliberately Nadiah thought—and came toward her with his hands out.

“Rast, what’s going on? Who is that?” she demanded, trying to look around him.

“Someone you know—that both of us know, unfortunately.” Rast took her by the shoulders and held her eyes with his. “Brace yourself—it’s not a pretty sight.”

“But who is it?” Nadiah’s heart was pounding with fear. Not waiting for her husband’s reply, she twisted out of his grip and ran to the cot…only to stop short. “Y’dex?” she whispered, looking at her ex-fiancé in horror. “Is…is that you?”

It was a fair question. The old Y’dex had been straight and slender and proud, had moved with an insolent grace that spoke volumes about his arrogance before he even opened his mouth. But this thing lying in the cot…it was most horribly burned and blackened. Its skin was charred and cracked, pealing away in strips to reveal raw red meat underneath. Its legs were crooked, obviously broken in several places and no hair remained on its bald, smoldering head except for a single white-blond tuft over one melted ear.

“Y’dex?” Nadiah whispered again, this time in horror. “Oh no…no!”

At the sound of its name one cloudy light blue eye rolled toward her. It seemed to be damaged in some way but not nearly as much as the other which lay in a ruined mess on the thing’s cheek. It opened cracked and blackened lips. “Nadiah…” Her name was an almost unrecognizable croak but somehow Nadiah understood it. And she was sure now that this thing truly was Y’dex.

“What happened to you?” she demanded. “We thought you’d fallen to your death from the High Mesa except we couldn’t find your body.”

“Wish I had,” the thing croaked. “Would have been better…easier.”

“But Y’dex—”

“Caught by spies…Hoard spies. They wanted my ship…wanted to know how it worked.”

Suddenly Nadiah remembered him bragging that the Kindred weren’t the only ones with interstellar travel ability anymore. She hadn’t had time to wonder what he meant—at the time she’d been too horrified to see him popping up unexpectedly on First World to claim her. But now…

“How does it work?” she asked. “What did they want with it?”

“You’ll see…soon enough.” The blackened thing on the cot gave a hoarse, cawing laugh. “Your fault, you know. If I hadn’t chased you, this…” It gestured at its broken body with one gruesomely twisted claw, “Never would have happened. Your fault. Yours.”

“Y’dex, I’m sorry.” Nadiah shook her head helplessly.

“He’s coming for you.” The thing laughed again and this time the hoarse, awful sound had the sharp edge of madness in it. “He’ll kill you…kill you all.”

“That’s enough!” Rast snapped from behind her and Nadiah turned to see he was scowling. “Give him more pain medication,” he told the priestess healer on duty. “He’s crazy with pain.”

“Not crazy…” The thing which had used to be her fiancée laughed some more, sending cold chills down Nadiah’s spine. “Not crazy at all. Kill you! Kill you a—” Its laughter suddenly ended and the charred, bald head slumped on its ruined chest.

“My Challa,” said the healer respectfully after checking carefully for a pulse. “Forgive me, but I fear that the patient is dead.”

“Dead?” Nadiah heard the waver in her own voice. Though she’d gotten used to the idea of her ex-fiancé being dead earlier, now the concept was truly brought home to her. Y’dex wasn’t lying peacefully somewhere on the desert floor, his body buried in the shifting rainbow sands—he was actually dead, right here in front of her. And horribly burned and mangled into the bargain. She turned on Rast. “Why didn’t you save him? You could have done it—you brought me back with your wings when I was almost dead.”

Rast lifted both hands. “He didn’t want me to. I offered—believe me, sweetheart, I did. As much of a bastard as he was to both of us, nobody deserves to go out like this.” He gestured at the twisted corpse. “But he said no, that he wanted to die. He just wanted to see you first.” He shook his head. “I’m sorry, I never should have sent for you.”

“No.” Nadiah put a hand to her eyes and took a deep breath. “No, I…I’m glad you did. I never…never would have known it was truly him if I hadn’t talked to him. It’s horrible, but…but I needed to see it to believe.”

“I understand.” Rast folded her in his embrace and his vast, iridescent wings came out and wrapped around her as well, like a second pair of arms. “I’m so sorry, sweetheart,” he murmured, kissing her hair. “So damn sorry.”

“So am I,” Nadiah whispered. “I just…just wish we knew what he was talking about.”

“Well, it has to do with the Hoard. With Draven—their leader—I’m guessing.” Rast gestured at the corpse. “His eyes didn’t get that way in the crash. Somebody did it deliberately.”

“Don’t!” Nadiah shuddered against him and he hugged her tight.

“Sorry,” he murmured. “But I think we’d better take a look at the wreckage of his ship. If that was what Draven was interested in, we’d better be too.”

“I guess.” Nadiah closed her eyes and tried to get the image of the charred and blackened face out of her mind, tried not to hear that hoarse, croaking voice. “I wish he’d died the way we thought he did,” she whispered. “A fall from the High Mesa would have been so much better than this.”

“Almost anything would have,” Rast said grimly. “I didn’t like him much but nobody deserves this.” He sighed and began leading Nadiah away. “Come on, sweetheart, let’s get out of here and try to forget about this whole messy scene.”

“Of course,” Nadiah agreed faintly. But privately she thought it would be a long, long time before she could close her eyes and not see Y’dex’s single cloudy blue eye rolling up to look at her, before she could stop hearing him say, “Your fault…he’ll kill you all.”

Chapter Nine

“So you’re not taking your own ship?”

Merrick looked up from his contemplation of the innards of the small but surprisingly spacious Kindred interstellar cruiser he was borrowing and saw Sylvan standing there.

“Nope.” He shut the lid to the engine compartment with a clang and wiped his greasy hands on a clean-all cloth. The bacteria that lived in the simple white fabric went to work at once, ingesting the grease and oil from his fingers and leaving them as clean as though he’d just scrubbed for surgery. “That ride down to Earth and back was too fucking rough. I don’t want to take her out as far as Rageron unless she’s in tip-top shape,” he said, avoiding his friend’s eyes.

In truth, he hated being without his star-duster. The special modifications he’d put into the little ship would have meant a much shorter trip than going through the fold in space the Kindred Mother Ship would make for him. With his wormhole generator, he could have been there in moments. In the borrowed ship it would take several days to complete the first part of their journey because Rageron was in the far part of its orbit at the moment. But Merrick couldn’t see any way around it—he didn’t want to take his ship out so far when it was running rough.

Should have spent more time fixing it and less time hanging on her every fucking word, he thought savagely, wiping his hands some more even though they were already clean. But it was too late for regret now—he was stuck with a borrowed ship and a battered heart. Not that he would admit to the latter.

“Olivia told me what happened between you and Elise in the viewing room,” Sylvan said quietly, breaking his train of thought.

“That blonde nurse of yours talks too damn much,” Merrick growled. “Besides, nothing happened. I just found out Elise is supposed to be joined to that fucking fiancé of hers in a month. No big deal.”

“I think it is a big deal,” Sylvan said. “You care about this girl, Merrick. Even if the bond between you is false, I know you have some feelings for her. It had to hurt like the seven hells to hear she was about to be joined to another.”

“Nah,” Merrick shrugged, trying to appear unconcerned. “We’re going to break the bond between us. Why should I give a fuck who she joins with or when she gets joined to the fucker?”

“You do though,” Sylvan said. “And even if that caring is a byproduct of your artificial bond, it still hurts.”

Merrick turned on his old friend, glaring. “Did you change professions since the last time I saw you? Last I heard you treated people’s bodies, not their minds. So stop fucking with my head.”

“Sorry.” Sylvan held up both hands in a ‘don’t shoot’ gesture. “I’m just trying to make sure you’re all right before you and Elise go off on a very dangerous and complicated mission together.”

“We’ll be fine,” Merrick said shortly. “And don’t worry that I’ll let my ‘hurt feelings’ get in the way of taking care of her. I may be a hybrid but I’m still Kindred—I’m sworn to protect Elise and I’ll do my duty.”

“I know you will,” Sylvan said gently. “I never doubted it for a moment. I just wanted to make sure you were in the right frame of mind before you left. You know you can’t confront the Ancient Ones with a troubled heart.”

“Tell me something I don’t know,” Merrick growled. “I spent enough time on Rageron looking for my true father’s kin after I got off Tranq Prime to know the score.” Sighing, he turned to his old friend and met Sylvan’s eyes. “I’ll be fine, all right? It’s like you said—the bond is artificial and so are all the feelings that come with it. As long as I keep reminding myself that nothing is real, that I don’t really have any true feelings for Elise, everything will be all right. We’ll get the pain vine, come back here and dissolve the bond. Then she’ll go her way and I’ll go mine.” He threw the clean-all cloth at Sylvan who caught it reflexively. “End of story.”

Sylvan frowned. “It’s a little more complicated than that. You—”

“Hi.” The soft feminine voice startled Merrick and he turned to see Elise standing there, holding a small bag in one hand and wearing a very unhappy expression on her face.

Merrick felt awkward—had she heard what he’d been saying? Then his uncertainty around her pissed him off—why should he give a Goddess-damn if she’d heard? Hadn’t he basically been saying the same thing she had said in the viewing room? That their bond was fake, that it meant nothing? He remembered again the look on her face when she’d said that all their feelings for each other were a lie. Merrick had tried to feel nothing about that but he couldn’t help himself—hearing her speak those words made him feel like she’d jabbed him in the guts with a heated blade. In other words, it fucking hurt. It’s all fake. I shouldn’t let it hurt, he told himself fiercely. But knowing their bond and all the emotions associated with it were false didn’t help—it hurt anyway.

He looked at Elise, standing there, with that uncertain look in her big brown eyes. He wasn’t a male who gave second chances and yet he’d made an exception for her once already—he’d believed her about forgetting her fiancé. But to forget her joining as well, a joining that she clearly still intended to go through with…well, that was one thing too many in Merrick’s mind. He’d let himself be vulnerable to her as he never had to another since he was too young to know better. But that was over now. No more weakness. No more—

“Hello Elise,” Sylvan said politely and Merrick realized he was just standing there, glaring at her. What was wrong with him, for fuck’s sake?

“I…I got a shot of translation bacteria from Olivia,” she said. “And I’m all packed and ready to go.”

“Great.” Merrick jerked his chin toward the ship. “You can stow your stuff in the left cabin at the rear of the ship. The right one’s mine.”

“Thanks,” Elise said shortly. “So how long will this actually take?”

“At the way Rageron’s orbit stands now, a week in and a little under a week out. Probably a week there, to get the skrillix. The Deep Blue takes awhile to penetrate,” Merrick told her.

She frowned. “Three weeks all together. That doesn’t leave much time for the actual cure.”

“Don’t worry. I’ll get you back in time for your precious joining ceremony,” Merrick growled. “Plenty of time.”

Elise lifted her chin. “Great. So we’ll get the pain vine, come back here and dissolve the bond, then we can both go our separate ways.” She raised an eyebrow at him. “Isn’t that the plan?”

Merrick bit back a growl of frustration. She was letting him know she had heard what he’d said to Sylvan—every word. Well, it’s true and no more than what she said to me earlier, he reminded himself. But he still felt like a fucking asshole. “Right,” he said aloud. “That’s the plan.”

“Good.” She nodded briefly. “I’ll go get settled. I’m ready when you are.” She climbed into the interior of the cruiser and disappeared from sight.

Merrick ran a hand over his skull-cut hair. “Gods…”

“That wasn’t a pretty scene,” Sylvan remarked. Then he frowned at Merrick. “So you gave her a separate cabin? You’re sleeping alone?”

“Does she look like she wants to sleep with me?” Merrick demanded. “Of course I’m fucking sleeping alone. Why do you even ask?”

“I’m asking because your sleep time should be the primary time you can feed Elise’s hunger. Prolonged contact during the night cycle might be enough to see her through during the day.”

Merrick sighed. “Damn it, I forgot about that hunger shit.” Unbidden, the image of Elise, topless and pressed against his bare chest rose in his mind’s eye. He could almost feel the soft press of her breasts, could almost touch the silkiness of her skin and smell her sweet, feminine scent as she shivered against him… Stop it, he told himself savagely. It’s not going to be like that again. If she needs to be touched, I’ll touch her. But not with any kind of tenderness or love—it would be a mechanical act. A bloodless transfusion of what she needed from him to her. Merrick swore it to himself.

“You can’t afford to forget it,” Sylvan said, drawing him out of his thoughts. “Not if you want to keep her alive until you reach Rageron.”

“I’ll take care of it, okay?” Merrick said. “I guaranteed her safety to that fucking fiancé of hers, didn’t I? You know I don’t break my word.”

“I just want you to be careful,” Sylvan said quietly. “I know you’re angry right now and you have a right to be—everything you thought you were feeling is coming from an artificial bond, and that’s a lot to take in. Just don’t let your anger blind you to Elise’s needs.” He put a hand on Merrick’s shoulder. “All right, old friend?”

“Yeah. All right.” Merrick sighed. “We had some pretty, uh, intense contact on the way back from Earth.” Once again the image of Elise sitting half naked in his lap flashed in his mind but he pushed it away. “So she should be good for at least awhile.”

“Hopefully.” But Sylvan didn’t seem convinced. “Just keep an eye on her. You’ve pulled her back from the brink twice now—you don’t want to have to do it again.”

“You’re right.” Merrick nodded. “I’ll keep it in mind, I promise.”

“I know you will.” Sylvan squeezed his shoulder and let go. “I’ll say goodbye then. And may the Goddess go with you and grant you success.”

“Thanks,” Merrick muttered sarcastically. “I’m sure she will.” Then he turned and swung into the cabin of the little cruiser and shut the hatch.

* * * * *

Elise sat on the narrow bed in the cabin Merrick had designated as hers and felt miserable. It was clear to her now that the big Kindred had finally accepted the fact that their feelings for each other were fake. As fake as their bond. Even worse, it seemed like Merrick liked it like that. That had been perfectly obvious to Elise when she heard him talking to Sylvan—talking about getting their bond dissolved as casually as if he’d been discussing a mole he wanted to get removed.

Which is good, she told herself firmly. Because that’s what I am to him—a mole. A tumor—a parasite. It’s just as well that we both acknowledge the truth and not try to make our relationship into something it’s not.

But if that was true, why did she feel so utterly, unbearably sad? Why was her stomach tied in knots every time she saw him? Why did she still yearn for his touch?

Well, the answer to the last question was obvious, she told herself. She yearned for his touch because she was actually physically addicted to him. The tall, scarred warrior with the mismatched eyes was literally her drug of choice—at least as long as their fake bond was intact.

Of course, the hunger couldn’t explain away everything. It couldn’t account for the wetness between her thighs whenever she was near him. Couldn’t explain the way her heart had pounded and her nipples had grown hard when he held her in his lap and told her how he wanted to taste her pussy…

Stop it! she told herself. Stop it right now. I don’t have those feelings for anyone—not even for James. Not since…But she couldn’t think about that. About the reason she had put her sexuality away, like folding away a sweater she didn’t need during the long, hot summer months. Put it in the vault. Put it in the vault and keep it there. Elise pictured the heavy vault door closing and had a momentary moment of peace.

But only a moment.

“Hey back there,” she heard Merrick shout from the front of the ship. “Come up here and get strapped in. We’re cleared for take off.”

The last thing she wanted to do was sit beside him and pretend to make small talk, keeping her hands neatly folded in her lap, when she was literally aching to touch him. But it seemed there was nothing else for her to do.

She left her cabin and walked down the narrow center isle of the ship toward the sound of his voice. She passed through a small living area which was directly across from an equally compact kitchen before coming to the front of the ship.

Merrick was already strapped in, his gold and blue gaze trained on the complicated looking instrument panel in front of him. “Hey,” he said, not looking up at her. “Have a seat, we’re about to go.”

“Can’t I just stay in the back?” Elise asked with as much dignity as she could muster. “I’m much more comfortable back there.”

“What, you mean away from me?” He finally looked up, his eyes flashing. “Sorry, baby, no can do. The thrusters on this kind of ship kick like a son-of-a-bitch. It’s going to be rough when we go through the fold in space and you’re precious cargo. Can’t have you bouncing all around the back cabin like a fucking ball.”

“Right, precious cargo,” she muttered, settling herself in the seat beside his which was much too large for her. “I’m sure.”

Merrick gave her a hard look. “I promised you’d get to Rageron and back without a scratch on you. It may not mean much to you, but I don’t fucking break my word.” He shifted his focus back to the instrument panel and the small ship began to rise, aiming for the black star-studded void of space Elise could see on the viewscreen. “I know you don’t want to be near me right now,” he continued, steering expertly for the black gap. “But you’re going to have to get used to it if we’re going to keep you healthy.”

Keep me healthy. Meaning he’ll have to touch me—to feed the tumor inside him. The tumor that just happens to be me. “About that.” Elise cleared her throat. “I, uh, feel fine. I think you, um, touched me enough during our ride back to Earth. So you don’t…don’t need to do it—to touch me, I mean—anymore.”

“Oh, yeah? That your expert medical opinion?” Merrick raised his eyebrows at her, frowning.

Elise lifted her chin. “I just think that in light of the fact that the feelings we’ve both been experiencing have proved to be, um, false, we should keep…keep contact to a minimum.”

“Fine.” He shrugged as though unconcerned and looked back at the viewscreen. “Have it your way. But if you don’t want to touch during the day, then you’re sharing my bed at night.”

“What?” Elise looked at him, uncertain of what she’d heard. “What did you say?”

“I said we’re going to be sleeping together,” he growled. “Whether you like it or not. Sylvan says that a prolonged period of physical contact at night might help you get by with less during the day. So deal with it.”

Elise felt panic rising in her throat. “Together…in bed?”

“That’s what I said.” He gave her a level look. “You know, while you were recuperating in the med station, you actually wanted me to climb in bed with you. Remember that?”

“Of course I do!” Elise snapped, crossing her arms protectively over her chest. “But that was before—”

“Before we found out the bond was fake. Right,” he growled.

But that wasn’t what she’d been going to say at all. Before I remembered, she thought, biting her lip. Before I remembered who I am. Before I remembered about the vault…

“It’s fine,” she said stiffly. “

If Dr. Sylvan thinks it’s necessary then I’ll deal with it. After all, we’re both adults here.”

“Exactly.” Merrick nodded stiffly. “There doesn’t have to be anything to it but me giving you what you need.”

What I need is you! Elise wanted to shout. But she didn’t need him, not really. It was just the artificial bond telling her she wanted him so badly, tricking her into believing she would die if he didn’t hold her and call her ‘baby’ in that deep, gravelly voice of his. I have to concentrate on James, she told herself desperately. On how much I love him, on how wonderful our life together is going to be.

As their little ship aimed for the deep red gash in the fabric of space which she supposed was the ‘fold’, she closed her eyes and tried remembering how she’d first met her fiancé, two years ago.

It had been on the steps of the Tampa courthouse. Elise had been rushing to get to court and James had been leaving at the same time. Neither had been looking where they were going and they’d run headlong into each other, sending legal briefs and data chips everywhere. Honestly, it was like some kind of scene from a movie—the meet-cute where the heroine falls into the hero’s lap but fails to recognize, at first, what a great guy he is.

After they’d gotten everything sorted out, James had asked her for coffee. Elise had refused, telling him she was late for court. She’d left him standing on the steps, a bemused expression on his handsome face. Later, after a long and harrowing case, she’d been surprised to see him waiting for her when she got out of the courtroom.

“I thought we could try this again,” he’d said, with that disarming British charm which had first attracted her to him. “I’m James. Would you care for a cup of coffee?”

That time Elise had accepted and then somehow they had begun dating regularly. After she found out who James was, she was surprised he didn’t already have a girlfriend. But he explained that he was very picky—which was flattering, of course, since he had evidently decided to pick her.

Finally, after a year of dating, during which he was remarkably patient when she refused to have sex, James had asked her to marry him. Elise was reasonably sure he’d run a pretty thorough background check on her before he asked, but apparently he hadn’t found anything he didn’t like. And so the ring had come out after a late dinner at Three Tables and he’d even gotten down on one knee.

The ring, Elise thought with a start. She realized she hadn’t even thought of it once since she’d woken up on the Kindred Mother Ship with Merrick bending over her. Where was it? Oh, right—she’d left it at home on that fateful day she’d decided to take a quick trip to Sarasota, where the AllFather had captured her. Elise supposed that it was a good thing it was safe. It was a seven carat, pink oval-cut diamond which had been in James’ family for generations. If she’d lost it, her future mother-in-law would have had a fit. But strangely, she didn’t miss its heavy weight on her finger. It had always seemed too large to her somehow, as though it was weighing her down. Which, she supposed, was why she’d decided to slip it off and leave it at home that day.

Stop thinking about the damn ring, she told herself, trying to get back on point. Think of James. Remember how much you love him…

But for some reason, even though she’d seen him recently, her fiancé’s face was blurred in her vision. Instead of his smooth, handsome face she saw Merrick’s scarred, scowling visage. Instead of his cultured accent she heard Merrick’s low, growling tones, making the sound of rocks rubbing together at the bottom of a riverbed. Suddenly she realized she was hearing his voice because he was talking to her.

“We’re through the fold. You’re awfully quiet over there,” he murmured and she looked up to see he was watching her from the corner of his eye. “Feeling okay?”

“Fine,” she said stiffly, though to be honest, her stomach was a bit queasy, and she was beginning to regret the chocolate cupcake she’d had with Olivia and her friends. “I’m…just fine.” She tried not to look at him while she talked, tried not to notice his warm, masculine, fur and musk scent that drifted to her in the small, enclosed area. The urge to reach out and touch him was so strong she had to curl her hands into fists in her lap to keep from doing it. I have to get away from here. From him. I’m too weak to deal with this now, she thought. “We seem to be flying pretty smoothly now,” she said, trying to keep her voice light and even. “May I be excused to go to the back of the ship, please?”

“That’s very fucking polite of you. Just can’t wait to get away, huh?” He frowned.

“I just want to lie down for awhile,” Elise said, which was true. “I…I’m tired.”

“Tired or hungry?” he said and she knew he wasn’t talking about a desire for food.

“Just tired,” she said defensively. “It’s been a very tiring day.”

He sighed and ran a hand over his shaved head. “Yeah. You got that fucking right. Fine, go lie down. I’ll be there in a little while.”

Elise felt her heart jump and had to work to keep her face blank. “Should I lie down on my bed or…or yours, then?” she asked in a slightly choked voice. “I mean, since we’ll be…be sleeping together. Or sleeping next to each other, I guess I should say,” she added quickly. “That would be more accurate.”

“Don’t worry.” Merrick gave her a long, level look. “I knew what you meant the first time. And I’m not going to do anything you don’t want, Elise. Give me some credit.”

“Fine.” She nodded stiffly. “So which bed? Yours or mine?”

“Mine is bigger.” He turned his eyes back to the viewscreen. “Probably be more comfortable.”

“Probably,” Elise agreed faintly. She knew Merrick was just trying to give her what her body needed, but she couldn’t help feeling deeply uncomfortable, just the same. Part of her—a deep part she thought she’d buried for good—longed for his big body against hers, and not just because of the hunger. But there was another part that was scared to death. An unburied body from deep in the vault screaming that she needed to be careful or something terrible might happen. ‘Just lie back,’—that was what he said, it whispered nastily in her ear. ‘It won’t hurt. You might even enjoy it.’ Except it did hurt, didn’t it? It never stopped hurting. Over and over and—

No—no, I won’t think of that! I won’t! Elise told herself desperately. Besides, Merrick would never…that’s not what this is about.

What is it about, then? asked the voice of memory. What do you think he’s getting out of this?

Nothing. Absolutely nothing. He’s giving to me because he doesn’t want me to be in pain even though I’ve hurt him. But I can’t take so much from him. Not when I’m just a parasite—a mosquito dying for a sip of his blood. I have to hold back, have to keep myself separate, apart from him, as much as I can.

So I’ll just take the bare minimum, Elise decided. It wouldn’t be fair to take more, to ask anything else of him. I’ll have as little physical contact as I can with Merrick—just enough to keep the hunger at bay, no more.

With that decision made, she felt an uneasy kind of relief. Deep inside, she knew her reasoning was flawed, but it was much easier to pretend she was limiting her contact with Merrick for the noble reason of not burdening him with her needs than it was to admit the truth about her past. She opened the vault for no one—not her friends or herself—not even James. And she wasn’t about topry it open for Merrick either, no matter what she felt—or thought she felt—for him.

Besides, all these feelings are still just coming from the artificial bond between us, she reminded herself. That didn’t feel quite true either, but Elise didn’t care. She just wanted to be left alone. To let the hidden bodies stay hidden and never, ever, under any circumstances disturb them.

“Hey…” Merrick’s deep voice roused her from her reverie. “You sure you're okay?"

“I’m just tired,” Elise said, as she had before. She unbuckled herself from the too-large harness and stood on shaky legs. Her stomach was suddenly in knots, the hunger coursing through her system and making her feel ravenous. Yet she knew if she went back to the kitchen and tried to eat, she would only throw whatever it was she ate up again. The only cure for her was the huge, scarred Kindred slouched in the captain’s chair of this small craft, his mismatched eyes trained on the control panel, his big hands and long fingers wrapped around the steering yoke. God, how she yearned to have those hands wrapped around her body instead, touching her, stroking her…but no, that was the hunger talking. And even if the disease hadn’t been manipulating her emotions, she still wouldn’t dare to act on those impulses. Wouldn’t dare to let herself feel those feelings, acknowledge those needs…

“Elise?” he asked and she shook her head, trying to get rid of all the confusing thoughts.

“I’m going to bed,” she said. “I…I guess I’ll see you later.”

Merrick said something in return but she didn’t catch it. She was already moving toward the back of the ship, a mass of conflicted emotions in female form.

Chapter Ten

“I can’t stop seeing it—seeing him. Oh, Goddess, Rast! Y’dex was horrible and I hated him with all my heart but to see him in that state…” Nadiah sank down on her side of the bed and buried her head in her hands. “Horrible,” she whispered. “So horrible…”

“Oh, sweetheart…” Rast sank down beside her, feeling helpless. The bed shifted gently and deliberately beneath him, supporting his weight in a way that had freaked him out at first. He was more or less used to it now, though. The semi-sentient sand which filled the silky mattress cover put any memory-foam or support-gel sleep-system he’d ever tried to shame. It seemed to sense exactly what he needed at any given time and know exactly how to provide it—a talent Rast was currently wishing he had regarding his new wife.

His first impulse was to pull her into his arms and try to comfort her that way. Nadiah came willingly enough, nestling close with her head against his chest, but it was clear she was still suffering. Rast’s second impulse was to wrap her in his wings and try to heal her that way. But he was pretty sure the wings were only good for physical ailments, not emotional ones. The words of an old song went through his head, How do you heal a broken heart?

Rast didn’t know. He held Nadiah close and kissed her shining, blonde hair, feeling helpless to ease her pain. “Sweetheart,” he murmured, stroking her back. “It’s okay. Everything’s going to be okay.”

She snuggled closer and Rast could feel the soft crush of her breasts beneath the tharp she wore, which was in the form of a white priestess robe. He could smell her sweet, feminine fragrance filling his senses and feel her tight nipples rubbing against his chest. God, how he wanted her! He shifted uncomfortably as his shaft grew hard in the tight pants he had on. Along with the high black boots he wore, they were part of his Councilor outfit. This isn’t the time or the place, he reminded himself. Nadiah needs comfort, not sex.

“Can’t sex be comforting?” he heard Nadiah ask, and realized she’d heard him through the link all married Kindred share with their wives.

“Sorry,” Rast said out loud, shifting again. “Look, I didn’t mean…I know this isn’t the time or the place. I just…I pretty much always want you. No matter what the circumstances are or how damn inappropriate it is. I just…want you,” he ended lamely.

“I want you too.” Nadiah looked up at him, her deep blue-green eyes blazing intently into his. “I want you to take me, Rast. To make me forget.” She pressed closer to him and kissed him, a sweet, hungry kiss that made his heart race and his cock stiffen even more in the uncomfortable pants. At least he didn’t have to wear any shirt…the wings that had grown during his transformation precluded one.

“Take me, Rast,” she whispered through their link. “Take me as you never have before—make it…make it hard and good and most of all, thorough. Wipe that horrible picture out of my mind and replace it with something else. Please!”

“Nadiah? Sweetheart?” he said uncertainly, breaking the kiss. “Are you…sure about this?”

Slowly, she nodded. “I’ve never been more sure about anything. Please, Rast, I…I need to feel you inside me. Take me.”

He couldn’t help thinking how beautiful she was, in this moment of need and determination. Couldn’t help seeing how her cheeks were flushed, her eyes bright and her lips red from their kiss. Not to mention the way one thin strap of her tharp had fallen down, baring the full curve and ripe pink point of her left breast. Suddenly, he wanted her—wanted her fiercely and so badly he thought he would die if he didn’t have her.

In the past, there had been nothing but tenderness between them, but Rast wanted something different now, something that went beyond tenderness and deep into passion. He sensed that Nadiah wanted it too. She wanted—no, needed—something different. Something to take her mind off the ugliness they’d just seen and put her in a totally different headspace.

Rast wanted to give it to her but at the same time he didn’t want to hurt or frighten her. Nadiah had been a virgin when they first came together and she was still quite innocent in many ways. Up until now their lovemaking had always been extremely gentle, face-to-face, filled with whispered words of caring and encouragement. So how—

Suddenly, he knew. Knew how he could take her mind off her ex-fiance’s horrible death and give her pleasure without going too far or getting too extreme. A little something new, that was all they needed. Something Nadiah had never experienced before.

“Turn over,” he said, letting his voice sink to a low, commanding growl. “Turn over and get on your hands and knees.”

“What?” Nadiah looked at him, obviously a little unsure.

“You heard me.” Rast cupped her chin firmly and frowned into her eyes. “Do as I told you. Turn over.”

Trembling a little, Nadiah did as he insisted, getting onto her hands and knees in the middle of the bed. The thin fabric of the tharp showed Rast a clear view of her breasts in silhouette, hanging like ripe fruit, waiting to be plucked. He felt his cock surge again—God she was beautiful! Sometimes he still couldn’t believe she was his. It was that feeling of disbelief, of being the luckiest man in the universe as much as his desire for her that made him want to mark her again and again and again, to fill her with his cock and his cum and make her his forever.

“You’re so fucking beautiful, sweetheart,” he murmured, his voice hoarse with desire. “So absolutely gorgeous.” He ran both hands over her back, the dip of her hips, the curve of her ass, and felt her shiver against him.

“Rast…please. I need—”

“I know what you need. And believe me, I’m going to give it to you, sweetheart,” he told her sternly. “Now let’s just make this…go away.” As he spoke, he stroked the tharp which parted obediently under his hand and fell away, leaving Nadiah completely naked.

“Rast!” she gasped, half turning but he shook his head and put a hand on her lower back, holding her in place.

“Stay just like you are. I’m not nearly done with you yet, sweetheart.”

“But…what are you going to do?” Nadiah objected.

Rast didn’t answer with words. He shucked off his too-tight pants and boots, getting naked himself. Then, kneeling behind her, he covered her slender body with his own, much larger one. He felt Nadiah shiver beneath him as he pressed his chest to her back. The thick shaft of his cock pressed against the cleft of her buttocks, and she moaned softly in the back of her throat.

“Rast,” she whispered. “I don’t understand. We’ve never…never done anything like this before.”

“I know,” he murmured, leaning forward to nip her ear. “Does it frighten you?”

“A…a little,” she admitted softly.

Rast shifted against her, pressing his cock harder against her ass. He cupped her breasts and twisted her nipples, making her moan. “And does it excite you?” he growled.

“Yes.” Nadiah shifted beneath him. “It feels so…almost animalistic.”

“That’s because this is how animals do it—at least on Earth,” Rast murmured in her ear. “I’m going to take you from behind. Going to pin you to the bed and fill your sweet little pussy with my cock until you can’t stand it anymore. Is that what you want?”

“Oh, Goddess!” Nadiah’s soft voice was breathless with need. “I…yes, I think I do.”

“You have to do more than think, sweetheart,” Rast told her. “You have to know. Here, I’ll help you.”

Slowly, he licked a hot, ticklish trail from the back of her neck down the length of her spine. The taste of her skin, warm and slightly salty, spread across his tongue, making him want her even more. But there was another part of her he wanted to taste.

When he reached her buttocks, Rast nipped each lovely rounded mound in turn, making Nadiah gasp. Then he spread her trembling thighs, opening her completely. She moaned and shivered but put up no resistance when he opened her.

Rast groaned at the incredibly hot and beautiful sight that met his eyes. Nadiah was what her people called a numala, meaning that her pussy got especially hot and wet whenever she was aroused. Rast could tell that right now she was both.

Her inner thighs were wet with her honey and her soft little cunt lips were swollen with need, so puffy and hot they seemed to open of their own accord to let him see the tight pink button of her clit peeping out of her slippery inner folds. That was his ultimate goal but Rast didn’t want to rush anything. He was going to take her long and hard tonight but he wanted Nadiah as ready as possible first.

Ducking his head, he spread her thighs even wider and leaned down to place a hot, intimate kiss on her open pussy. Nadiah jumped and moaned at his gentle assault and the soft sound of her voice made his cock surge with desire. Grimly, he held onto his self-control, forcing himself to go slowly, gently.

Leaning down, he dragged his tongue over first one of her swollen outer cunt lips and then the other, deliberately ignoring her aching inner core. The delicious, sweet and salty taste of her juices exploded across his tongue, making him so hard he thought he would die if he didn’t have her soon. God, she tasted sweet—so damn luscious her unique flavor was practically addictive. In fact, Rast knew for a fact he was hooked—not that he minded.

He had always enjoyed going down, even before he’d met Nadiah. It seemed to be in the Kindred male’s makeup—the desire to taste his female, the intense pleasure he took from bathing her sweet pussy with his tongue until she came. But until he’d met his wife, Rast had never had the need to do it before. Now it was something he felt he couldn’t live without—a thirst inside him that nothing but the taste of her sweet honey could quench.

“God, sweetheart, you taste so damn good,” he groaned softly, going back for more. Her warm, feminine scent made him feel almost dizzy—drunk with desire and the need to taste more, to lick more deeply into her hot, wet folds. “Tilt your ass back toward me,” Rast commanded her hoarsely. “Need to get deeper into your pussy.”

Crying softly with need, Nadiah did as he commanded, arching her back and tilting her pelvis toward him so that her pussy was even more vulnerable and open. Rast gripped her thighs with both hands and spread her swollen outer lips gently but firmly with his thumbs. A growl of pure desire unleashed itself from his throat when the throbbing button of her clit came into view, nearly pulsing with need in time to her heartbeat.

God, she was beautiful! He couldn’t wait anymore. He had to taste her clit, had to thrust his tongue deep in her pussy and make her come…

* * * * *

Nadiah moaned helplessly and tilted her pelvis back further, trying to give Rast even greater access to her naked pussy. She had never felt so bare before, so completely vulnerable—not even the first time they’d made love. Then she and Rast had been face to face as he worked gently and slowly to thrust himself into her virgin pussy.

This, though…this new position felt completely different. Different and a little bit dangerous.

Naughty, Nadiah thought, moaning as her husband’s hot tongue made contact with her inner cunt, stroking along her clit and finding the entrance to her pussy. That’s the word, I feel naughty.

“That’s because you are a naughty girl, all spread out like this on your hands and knees. Your sweet little cunt all wet and open for my tongue,” Rast sent her through their link as he tongue-fucked her deeply. “Nice girls don’t spread their pussies and wait for a tongue or a cock to fill them.”

“So I’m not…uh. Not a nice girl?” Nadiah gasped breathlessly as he pressed deep into her slippery cunt.

“No, you’re a bad girl. A naughty girl.” His tongue slipped out of her and curled around her clit, lashing the little button unexpectedly until Nadiah was just on the brink of orgasm.

“Oh Goddess, please…please! So close!” she moaned.

Rast worked her harder, his tongue doubling its assault. “But you’re my naughty girl,” he continued. “So I like it. In fact, I fucking love it.”

Nadiah cried out as his fingers dug into her tender flesh, holding her still, holding her completely open for him as he lapped and sucked her pussy, cleaning away her cunt honey with his tongue even as he teased her pussy to make more flow. Suddenly, she could take it no longer. The pleasure that had been building in her, almost from the moment Rast had commanded her to turn over and get on her hands and knees, began to crest inside her.

“Rast!” With a low, helpless moan, she began to come. Her hips bucked involuntarily but Rast stayed with her, holding her firmly with his big, warm hands, making sure she didn’t go anywhere as he rode out her orgasm, his tongue pressed deeply inside her spasming cunt. Nadiah, almost delirious with pleasure, could hear him thinking how good she tasted and felt, thinking he couldn’t wait to feel her soft, velvet pussy gripping his cock the way she was currently gripping his tongue. Suddenly she ached for him—ached to have his thick shaft stretching her, filling her to the limit.

“What are you waiting for?” she sent boldly, through their link. “Please, Rast, I need you in me.”

“My pleasure, sweetheart.” Finally withdrawing his tongue, Rast gave her one last hot kiss on her pussy and then positioned himself again right behind her. “Get lower,” he commanded, his deep voice hoarse with desire. “Put your head down on the pillow and your ass in the air.”

Nadiah did as she was told with no hesitation whatsoever, cushioning her head in her arms on one of the soft pillows. She had never felt so empty inside, so needy, so hungry. The soul-bond between them ached with her yearning and she could feel Rast’s answering need as well. Still, he was careful.

“Slowly,” she heard him murmur as the broad, blunt tip of his shaft lodged itself in the entrance to her pussy. “We’ve never done it like this before and it may feel a little tight. Just relax, sweetheart, and try to be open for me. All the way open.”

Crouched on her hands and knees with her ass in the air and her heart pounding, Nadiah tried to obey him. She was utterly open, utterly vulnerable but she was also incredibly aroused. Instead of filling her with fear, the submissive posture filled her with lust. To her pleasure, she found that she loved this—loved submitting to her husband’s strength and giving him whatever he desired.

“That’s right, sweetheart,” Rast growled, obviously catching her thought. “Submit to me. Just open yourself and submit.” Then, with one long, slow thrust, he entered her pussy, filling her to the core with his cock.

Nadiah moaned as she felt the blunt head of his cock kiss the mouth of her womb. Goddess, he was in her now, all the way in her and this new position made her feel utterly pierced, utterly penetrated.

Trapped, she thought half deliriously as Rast began to move inside her. I’m trapped. Helpless. Pinned down. There’s nothing I can do but spread my legs and submit, just like he said. Spread my legs and let him fuck me… The thought was both hot and scary at the same time. Squeezing the pillow beneath her head hard, Nadiah moaned.

“Good girl,” Rast growled, stroking her spine with one large, warm hand while the other held her firmly in place. “Such a good girl to spread your legs for me, Nadiah. To open your pussy for my cock. And you’re right,” he continued, as he stroked into her. “I’ve got you pinned. And you’re not going anywhere until I fill this sweet little pussy of yours full of my cum.”

“Rast!” she protested in a half moan. “Rast, please…”

“Please what?” he growled. “Please fuck you harder? Is that what you want, sweetheart?”

Nadiah wiggled her hips and moaned, arching her back, submitting completely. Up until now their love had always been soft and gentle, with Rast going out of his way not to hurt her. But this…this was different. There was an edge of roughness to his deep thrusts, the masculine prerogative to dominate, to take her thoroughly and claim her completely. The hard slap as their bodies came together, the deep, piercing pleasure each time he hammered himself inside her, the knowledge that he wouldn’t stop until he forced them both to come was almost too much to bear.

So good…it feels so good! she thought deliriously. Who could ever have imagined that being helpless beneath the man you loved could feel so utterly right? So incredibly pleasurable? And yet, now that she had given up all control of her body and her pleasure, Nadiah felt herself being pushed to a more intense orgasm than she’d ever had before.

The pleasure rolled over her like thunderclouds, threatening to strike lightening at any moment and Nadiah was helpless to stop it. Didn’t want to stop it. Going to come, she thought, as the hard, pounding pleasure went on and on. Oh Goddess, I’m going to come so hard. Harder than I ever have before.

“That’s right,” Rast sent through their link. “That’s right, sweetheart, come for me. Want to feel your sweet, tight pussy coming all over my cock.”

“Rast! Oh, Goddess, Rast!” His name was a wail on her lips, a moan of surrender as the storm that had been threatening broke and the pleasure pierced her over and over, like lightening forking from the sky.

Rast’s fingers tightened around her waist and he redoubled his efforts, ramming himself into her, penetrating her pussy as deeply as he could. And then Nadiah felt him press deep inside her, holding steady as he flooded her cunt, bathing the mouth of her womb with hot, hard jets of cum.

It seemed to last forever, that one perfect instant of pleasure. But at last it was over and they sank together to their sides on the bed. The release was too much, too intense, and though she tried not to, Nadiah started to cry.

“Nadiah? Sweetheart?” Rast sounded genuinely alarmed as he turned her around to face him. “Are you okay? Did I hurt you?” he demanded anxiously.

Nadiah shook her head, still too overcome with emotion to talk at first. “N-no,” she managed at last. “Just so…so intense. So…I can’t describe it. I felt so taken out of myself, so open when I gave myself to you just now.”

“You were so beautiful, submitting like that.” Rast cupped her cheek and brushed away her tears with his thumb. “I hope it didn’t upset you, though. I just wanted to make you forget.”

“I can never forget it—not really.” Nadiah shuddered at the hideous memory of Y’dex’s final moments. “But this makes it easier to bear. The knowledge that I can come to you, can give myself to you body and soul and know you’ll touch me and take me and make me feel things I never would otherwise.” She sighed in frustration. “I’m not saying this right but I don’t exactly know how to express it.”

“I think you’re doing a wonderful job.” Rast smiled and kissed her gently on the tip of her nose, making her smile through her tears. “I know exactly what you mean. And I’m glad you didn’t mind me trying something new without talking about it first. I knew I was taking a chance but I thought it might help you get over, you know…”

“It helped me a lot,” Nadiah assured him, snuggling closer. “Wrap me in your wings. I want to feel you all around me.”

“With pleasure.” His vast, iridescent wings suddenly came out, just as they had on the day they had saved both their lives, and wrapped gently around Nadiah’s body.

“Ahh…” It was like being caressed by the gentlest, warmest tharp in the world. A sensation that was somehow comforting and deliciously sexual at the same time. Once wrapped in those lovely wings, it never took Nadiah long to start feeling amorous. However, since she’d just had such intense and satisfying loving from Rast, she thought she could hold off a little before round two.

“Glad you’re enjoying your own personal feather bed.” Rast’s voice was dry but she could hear the humor in it and see the smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

“Every girl should be so lucky,” Nadiah murmured, stroking his chest. “And I don’t just mean every girl should have a male with wings—I mean everyone should have a mate they can trust.” Her thoughts drifted to Lissa—to her secret shame and sorrow and the sadness on her face when she’d explained to Nadiah how she could never be with the male she truly loved. “Someone…someone who loves and cares for them more than anything in the universe,” she murmured.

“That’s exactly how I feel.” Rast held her tight and gave her a sweet, lingering kiss on the lips. “But are you talking about any one girl in particular?”

Nadiah sighed. They hadn’t been mated for that long but already he knew her so well. Well enough to know when something was troubling her. “Yes, as a matter of fact, I was.” Since Lissa had come to her in the first place with the request that she talk to Rast, she felt no compunction about relating the new high priestess’s sad story to him.

“That sucks,” he said flatly when she was finished. “You mean her adopted parents shipped her off here just because they didn’t want her with their son?”

“Apparently it’s a huge stigma there,” Nadiah said. “The fact that they were living in the same household and from the same clan.”

“But they weren’t related by blood,” Rast protested.

Nadiah nodded. “That’s what I kept saying too. But apparently Lissa’s people look on it the same as if she had actually fallen in love with her own flesh and blood older brother.”

Rast made a face. “That would be sick.”

“Exactly. Which is why she was forced to renounce her true love and was exiled here to First World.”

“I hope you told her she was doing a good job and that we still think she’s perfect as high priestess,” Rast said.

Nadiah smiled. “Of course I did. But she asked me to talk to you, so I thought I’d better get your opinion too.”

“You know how I feel.” Rast smiled at her. “Lissa seems like a very sweet girl and I think she’ll grow into her new job as she goes. I would definitely know about that,” he added dryly, flexing his wings.

“Of course,” Nadiah said as the soft, iridescent feathers ruffled around her.

“And even if she’s a little inexperienced, she’s still a hell of a lot better than the old high priestess—uh…”

“Minverna,” Nadiah said. “I didn’t know her name either. I don’t think she went by it much.”

“No, she was all about the title and the power,” Rast said, frowning. “Come to think of it, I haven’t seen her since the Goddess kicked her out of the temple.”

“Lissa says she only comes out at night.” Nadiah shook her head. “I told her that has to stop. I don’t like the idea of her creeping around when we’re all asleep.”

“I don’t like it much, either.” Rast frowned. “Do you want me to go say something to her?”

“Lissa said she’d do it herself, though I got the idea she’s not exactly looking forward to it.”

“Who would?” Rast muttered.

“No one,” Nadiah said grimly. “Even without her priestess powers, Minverna is still a formidable woman.”

“Well, that’s a nice way to put it. A lot nicer than what I would have said.” He chuckled. “But anyway, tell Lissa, if she has any problems, to let me know. I’m the Councilor—that’s what I’m here for.”

“I will.” Nadiah pressed closer so that their pelvises were touching and felt something hot and hard brush against her thigh. “But who helps you with your problems, Councilor?” she asked, looking up at him with wide, innocent eyes.

“What problems?” Rast growled playfully. “You mean like the one you give me by being so Goddamn gorgeous and naked?”

Nadiah smiled and nudged his stiff shaft again with her thigh. “Exactly.”

“Well, since you’re the one who gave me the problem, I think you should be the one to solve it.” Rast captured her mouth in a long breathless kiss. “What do you say?” he murmured when they finally broke apart.

“I say I’d be happy to help.” With a naughty little grin, Nadiah ducked her head and placed a warm, wet kiss on his muscular abdomen. “Just hold still, Councilor. I’ll fix this problem right…now.”

Chapter Eleven

Merrick set the cruiser’s auto controls with care, putting the little ship on a direct intersect for Rageron and making sure they wouldn’t overshoot. He checked everything twice just to be sure and was about to check a third time when he realized what he was doing—he was procrastinating. Putting off the moment when he’d have to go down the ship’s corridor and share his bed with Elise. And it wasn’t because he didn’t want to touch her.

It was because he wanted to touch her too damn much.

His hands itched to caress her smooth, silky skin and his shaft hardened in his flight pants at the thought of holding her small, perfectly formed body next to his. Though he knew the feelings came from their artificial bond, he couldn’t help himself—they felt real. And all he wanted to do was lay her down on the bed and stroke and kiss and caress her until she came, over and over, with his name on her lips.

Shouldn’t feel this way. We’re barely talking to each other, and this fucking bond between us is fake.

But it didn’t matter. Or rather, Merrick couldn’t make it matter, even though he tried. Tried like a son-of-a-bitch.

“This is stupid,” he muttered to himself. “Just fucking get in there and give her what she needs—whatever it is.” Which would probably amount to another topless hug in which case he was going to have to be very fucking careful they didn’t touch below the waist. From the fear in Elise’s brown eyes when they’d talked about the sleeping arrangements, the feel of his hard shaft pressed against her was not going to go over well. Or course, he could always try to keep from getting hard when he touched her…

Hell, if I could do that, I wouldn’t be in this mess in the first place, Merrick admitted to himself.

With a sigh, he stood up and stretched, putting the palms of his hands flat against the ceiling of the cruiser. It was built with the oversized Kindred males in mind but even for his own species, Merrick was a bruiser. Good thing I’m not claustrophobic, he thought as he made his way down the corridor and back to the cabins.

He knocked gently on the door and then cursed himself for doing it. Damn it, this was his room. But somehow he couldn’t bring himself to just barge in. Elise was already so damn jumpy about the whole ‘sleeping together’ thing and he didn’t want to make it worse.

There was no answer to his knock. Frowning, Merrick knocked again. Again, no answer. Fuck it, she’s probably already asleep. I’ll just go in and lay down on the bed beside her, he told himself.

Quietly, he slid open the metal panel and stepped into the room. It was dark and the slight shape which must be Elise was huddled under the blankets at the far edge of the sleeping platform, right where it met the wall. Merrick called her name softly but she didn’t stir. Sighing, he kicked off his boots and began to pull his thin, v-necked shirt over his head, intending to drop it on the floor and just sleep in his pants even though it would be damn uncomfortable. He didn’t want Elise waking up and finding him naked beside her when—

A high, frightened gasp rose from the figure on the sleeping platform and then, suddenly, Elise was off the bed like a bolt fired from a blaster.

Merrick caught her by the shoulders. “Hey, whoa—where are you going?”

“Let me go! Let me go!” Her voice was a frantic sob, the sound of pure terror. Merrick could smell the fear coming off her in waves—sweat laced with adrenaline assaulted his sensitive nose. Gods, what was wrong with her?

“It’s me, Elise. It’s just me,” he told her but still she fought him, fumbling in the darkened room, trying frantically go get away.

“Leave me alone. Don’t touch me! Not that way. Not again!” She kicked out and Merrick had reason to be glad he was so tall. If he’d been even a few inches shorter, he would have been minus at least one of his balls. Still Elise struggled, obviously blind with terror.

She can’t see me—she thinks I’m someone else. Someone who wants to hurt her. The thought flashed through his brain and he knew at once it was right.

“Lights!” he roared. “Give me some fucking lights in here!”

At once, the overhead lights came on as the cruiser obediently obeyed his voice command. As soon as the room filled with their golden glow, Merrick dropped to his knees. He still held Elise’s shoulders and he was so much taller than her that they were almost eye level, but he hoped he might look less threatening this way. Less dangerous.

“It’s me,” he told her again, trying to make his voice soft and soothing. “Just me, baby. Just me.”

Finally she stopped fighting him. “Merrick?” She sounded so uncertain he wasn’t sure she really understood.

“Yeah, it’s me,” he said quietly. “You okay?”

“Yes, fine. I…I’m fine.” She ran a trembling hand through her hair and took a quick, gasping breath. “I’m sorry. I must have been having a…a bad dream.”

“Is that right?” he said flatly. “A dream…or a memory?”

“A memory?” Elise repeated.

Merrick was glad to see the hunted look, like an animal running for its life, disappear from her face. But he wasn’t happy with the look that replaced it either. The look of someone about to tell a lie—and not only to him—to herself, too.

“I…I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Elise shook her head. “I…it was just a bad dream, that’s all. I mean, after the things I’ve been through in the past month or two, I think I’m entitled to have a few bad dreams, don’t you?”

“Sure you are.” Merrick walked over and sat on the side of the sleeping platform. “Except I don’t think that was just a dream.” He patted the space on the gel-foam mattress beside him. “Come on. Let’s talk about it.”

“Talk about what? There’s nothing to talk about.” She crossed her arms over her chest protectively. For the first time, he noticed she was wearing one of his shirts—the hem fell almost to her knees.

And her knees were shaking.

Merrick gave her a long, hard look. Clearly now wasn’t the time to broach the subject of her past. He could sense her nervousness in the air and the lingering scent of desperation hung around her like a suffocating perfume. Elise didn’t just not want to talk about this—she was almost frantic not to. Why? Merrick didn’t know and he had to admit that at the moment, he wasn’t up to finding out. It had been a long day. A very long day and suddenly it seemed to all catch up with him at once.

Running a hand over his skull-cut hair, he sighed. “Fuck it. We’ll leave it alone for tonight. Come on, I’m beat—let’s go to bed.” He stretched out on the bed, feeling bone weary and ready for some shut eye. He let his eyelids drift shut and was almost asleep when he realized he was alone on the bed. Where the hell is Elise?

When he opened his eyes, he saw her. She was standing there, at the edge of the sleeping platform with her arms crossed and her hands fisted under her breasts. But it was the look on her face, even more than her body language, which caught Merrick’s attention.

She was leaning toward him, a yearning look in those deep brown eyes, an expression of hunger so great it was nearly starvation. Her lower lip was caught between even, white teeth that reminded him of pearls and her nostrils flared periodically, almost as though she were scenting him. Like a starving person smelling a meal they really want to eat, Merrick thought, bemused.

But despite her obvious hunger, Elise stayed where she was. It was as though she was on the outside looking in—unable to get what she wanted, what she so desperately needed. Something was holding her back. Something was keeping her from coming to him.

Something…or someone? Merrick wondered, remembering her terror when he’d first come into the room.

“Elise? Baby?” he said, propping himself up on his elbows. “Why don’t you come to bed?”

“I don’t…” She shook her head uncertainly. “I’m sorry, Merrick but I don’t know if…if I feel comfortable sleeping in the same bed with you after all. I mean, what if I wake up while it’s still dark and see you and think you’re…I mean, what if I have another bad dream. A really bad one?” she whispered.

Merrick sighed wearily. It was tempting to feel frustrated at her for her sudden fear of him…but he’d seen the terror in her eyes, had heard the panic in her voice. Something had happened in the past and somehow, his appearance in the dark had triggered a flashback, whether she wanted to admit it or not.

“Look,” he said reasonably. “I’m sorry you’re uncomfortable but somehow this has to happen. I have to touch you, baby. Have to feed the hunger, or you’re not going to make it. You know that, right?”

“I know.” But still she stayed where she was, her slender body strung taut as a wire. It wasn’t just that she didn’t want to lie down on the bed so close to him—she physically couldn’t make herself do it, Merrick realized. The fear he’d inadvertently roused in her was too much, too strong to overcome. They had to find another way—but what?

Suddenly, he had an idea. It wasn’t going to be very comfortable but what the hell, after the day they’d had he was tired enough to sleep anywhere.

“Here,” he said. Moving slowly, so as not to startle her, he got up from the sleeping platform. Then, grabbing a couple of pillows, he lowered himself to the ground right beside the bed. Lying on his back, he got as comfortable as he could and then nodded at her. “Okay, it’s all yours.”

“But…” She frowned. “I don’t understand.”

“Get on the bed. You’ll see.”

“All right.” Still she hesitated. “And you…you won’t…”

“I’m staying right here,” Merrick told her firmly. “Won’t come up on the bed with you unless you ask me to.”

“Okay.” Gingerly, never taking her eyes off him, Elise crawled on the bed. “But I still don’t see how this will help.”

“Here.” The sleeping platform was low and he was big which meant Merrick was able to reach up and rest his hand on the mattress. It wasn’t super comfortable, but nothing about this situation was. He decided he’d better make the most of it. “Can you just hold my hand?” he asked softly. “Will that be okay?”

“Yes. Yes, I think so.” The relief in her voice was so great it almost sounded like tears. Merrick wanted to lift his head and see if she was crying but he knew if she was, he would want to comfort her, hold her. And right now she wasn’t up for that. Wasn’t up for anything more than holding hands.

He felt her small, cool hand touch his palm and then, hesitantly, she entwined their fingers. It felt like holding a child’s hand—a child who had been hurt so badly it was still in her somewhere, crying. What happened to you, baby? he thought as she settled in the bed above him. Was it so bad you had to bury it? So bad you can’t even stand the thought of it?

Merrick had memories like that—plenty of them. He didn’t exactly bury them, but he didn’t dwell on them either. Better to deal and move on, to leave the past alone.

Except sometimes, the past wouldn’t leave you alone.

That, he sensed, was Elise’s problem. But until she was ready to deal with it, there was nothing he could do. Nothing but hold her hand patiently and hope that someday soon, she would trust him.

Before it was too late and their bond was broken forever.

Chapter Twelve

“So, Minverna, it’s lovely to finally meet you in person.”

Minverna, ex-high priestess of the Empty Throne—now referred to as the Seat of Wisdom since the rightful Councilor had returned—frowned at the apparition, which had suddenly appeared in her quarters.

Actually, they were the novice quarters. The lowly rooms carved out of stone at the base of the holy mountain. The same place she had started her career more than thirty cycles ago.

Thirty cycles wasted, she thought, the rage rising inside her again. I gave my life, dedicated my soul to this place and what is my reward? A first class passage back to the bottom while that arrogant bastard and his sniveling mate, who isn’t even a priestess, occupy my rightful place! Well not for long. Soon I’ll be gone and they’ll have reason to regret the way they treated me—ample reason!

“I can see you’re busy fuming,” the apparition remarked, solidifying somewhat so that two odd, solid silver eyes were visible. “Should I come back later? I hate to intrude on anyone else’s ‘me’ time.”

“What do you want, Draven?” Minverna demanded. “Oh yes, I know your name, Hoard Master,” she added, lifting her chin with pride. “Long have I watched you, through the Eye of Foreknowledge, even though it was forbidden me. I know all about your evil ways and plans.”

“Yes, yes, me and my dastardly plans to wipe out the whole Kindred race.” The apparition waved negligently as though the subject bored him. “I know, I’m a naughty fellow but an analysis of my moral shortcomings isn’t the reason I went to the trouble of contacting you.”

“How did you contact me?” Minverna demanded. “I thought you were bound to Hrakaz.”

The silver eyes glowed. “Not for very much longer. The binding Kall placed on me over a thousand years ago grows weaker as I myself increase in strength. And I have such delightful plans for when I finally get off planet. That’s where you come in.”

“You want me to help you kill my entire race?” She glared at him. “What kind of female do you think I am?”

“Ah, getting all high and mighty now, are we?” Draven cocked one perfectly groomed black eyebrow at her. “Well, for starters, I don’t believe you’re quite as morally upright as you’d like to believe.”

“What are you talking about?” Minverna demanded.

“Why, about the drone ships that have been leaving from First World, bound for the Ganda system, of course. And the credit that’s been piling up in your personal off-planet account as a direct result.”

“What…what do you know about that?” A sick feeling gripped the pit of her stomach. “I mean…I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“But of course you do.” Draven grinned at her charmingly. “Don’t worry, my dear, your secret is perfectly safe with me. I won’t tell a soul. Of course, the small hole you put in First World’s defense perimeter to send those ships out is the way I was able to gain access to your lovely planet in the first place. Such a lovely gift, and it isn’t even my birthday!”

“How dare you accuse me? I am a high priestess—”

“Not anymore.” He gave her a mocking smile. “If my spies are correct, you’ve recently suffered a demotion all the way back down to the bottom. Rather a blow to a career priestess like yourself, I should think.”

“Yes, it was.” Minverna lifted her chin and glared into the solid silver orbs. “But if you think I’ll help you kill my entire race just because—”

Loud knocking at the crude wooden door of the novice quarters interrupted her. “Minverna? Minverna, I need you to open this door at once,” the voice of the new high priestess demanded.

“Now who could that be, I wonder?” Draven made a motion toward the door. “Do go ahead and answer it. I can wait.” The apparition settled right behind the door into a casually elegant posture, legs crossed with its chin propped on one hand. “Go on,” he urged, when she hesitated. “And when you’re finished we’ll talk business. I’m prepared to offer you a once in a lifetime reward for your help. Think about that while you’re brushing off whoever it is out there.”

Minverna gritted her teeth and went to the door. “What is it?” she demanded, opening the crude wooden slab just a crack.

“I need to talk to you.” Lissa’s jade-green eyes met hers. They served to remind Minverna of the magnificent pure emerald of her own gaze—the color her eyes had been before she’d been stripped of her powers, that was.

“Not now. I’m busy,” Minverna snapped. She started to shut the door but Lissa pushed back with surprising strength, keeping it open.

“You will make time for me,” she said, giving Minverna a steady, direct look. “I am your high priestess and as such, you will give me the same respect I accorded you when you held that title.”

Minverna clenched her jaw, gritting her teeth until they were in danger of being ground to powder. Oh, if only I still had my power! You would be a pile of ashes at my feet, you little bitch! But she didn’t have the power—Lissa did. With extremely poor grace, Minverna opened the door some more.

“Very well, what can I do for you, your Holiness?” she inquired sweetly. “Perhaps you’ve come to ask me to intercede for you with the new Councilor? To beg him to forgive your past indiscretions?”

“I…I don’t know what you mean.” Lissa frowned uncertainly.

“Yes, you do,” Minverna snapped, losing patience. “Don’t forget, I was the one who agreed to take you off your adopted mother’s hands. I was the one who offered you asylum here on First World so you wouldn’t be stoned to death for your sins.” She tilted her head to one side. “What was it she called you again? Was it kin-lover? Or, no…brother-fucker. Yes, I believe that’s the phrase.” From behind the door she heard a faint chuckle, meant for her ears alone, but she ignored it.

Lissa had gone as white as a sheet but to Minverna’s irritation, she held her ground. “I never received the Deep Touch from my brother and you know it,” she said in a low, steady voice. “And I have already revealed my past to Lady Nadiah. I have nothing to hide and nothing to fear from you.”

“Well then aren’t you the lucky one?” Minverna said sourly. “If that’s the case then what do you want?”

“For you to take your new duties seriously.” Lissa frowned sternly. “As you are now a novice, you will behave as a proper novice does.”

“Oh, and how is that?” Minverna snarled. “Do remind me, your Holiness. It’s been quite some time since my novice days.”

“You will report for work duties each morning and appear at each meal in a timely fashion. You will join the other priestesses and myself at daily devotions.” Lissa took a deep breath. “And you will no longer leave your quarters and go roaming the temple by yourself at night. Novices have a strict curfew which will be enforced from now on.” She raised an eyebrow at Minverna. “Have I made myself perfectly clear?”

Hatred choked Minverna like a bone in her throat. “You certainly have,” she grated. “Don’t worry my dear little brother-fucker, I completely comprehend your meaning.”

Lissa’s jade green eyes flashed. “You will not speak to me that way. It’s disrespectful, rude and untrue.”

Minverna laughed angrily. “It’s true all right—your desires betray you even if your body does not, my dear. Don’t think I don’t see in your eyes how you still hunger for your brother’s touch. How you long to take him deep in your body—to take his thick cock in your little virgin cunt—and let him pump you full of his hot, incestuous cum.”

“How dare you!” Lissa’s eyes suddenly went blank, the jade green leaking outward from her pupils and covering the whites as well. “You will pay for your filthy words, Minverna.” She pointed one finger, aiming it right between Minverna’s eyes. “Pay dearly.”

A sudden jolt of energy leaped from her fingertip and struck the ex-high priestess, knocking her to the ground and sending jagged shards of pain through her entire body.

“Ahh!” She rolled on the sandy ground, all dignity lost as the agony overtook her. “Ahh, you little bitch!”

“Oh!” At the sight of her pain, Lissa’s eyes were abruptly normal again. “Oh dear…I didn’t mean to…to do that. But you can’t talk to me that way.” She knelt to try and help Minverna up but the ex-high priestess shook of her hand.

“Leave me!” Staggering to her feet, she managed to get back inside her room. “Leave me or I swear by all that is unholy—by the Blackness that Eats the Stars—I will end your miserable existence and count the universe blessed to be rid of you.”

They were empty threats and both women knew it. But Lissa nodded her head and withdrew. “Perhaps I was a little hard on you—I will give you a few more days to yourself before you begin your new duties. Think about what I have said.”

“Oh, I’ll think about it, all right.” Minverna slammed the door closed with a booming thud. “I’ll think how best to make you pay you ungrateful little bitch.”

“Bravo! Well played.”

Minverna turned to see the apparition of Draven, who she had completely forgotten about, laughing and clapping with apparent delight.

“You again,” she growled.

“Yes, I never left, as you know. I did enjoy that little scene, although it was rather naughty of you to take my name in vain towards the end there.” He cocked an eyebrow at her. “Though I rather hope the fact that you invoked it means you’re willing to consider my offer?”

Minverna nodded. Any reservations she’d had before had been burned away by her encounter with Lissa. “What is it you need? And what are you prepared to offer me in return?”

“I need a tiny bit of information about someone who visited First World a few solar months ago—just before you got your shiny new Councilor, I believe.”

Minverna frowned. “We have many pilgrims who visit. Can you be more specific?”

Draven’s apparition made a mournful face. “Alas, the only thing I know is what kind of ship this particular pilgrim was flying. A small, unassuming star-duster.” He cocked his head to one side hopefully. “Ring any bells?”

“Well, no. I—” She frowned. “Wait. I do remember someone flying that sort of ship. He was no ordinary pilgrim, though.”

“Oh no?” Draven made an expansive gesture. “Do, please continue.”

Minverna shrugged. “I don’t know why you care to know, but he was a hybrid—half Beast Kindred and half Blood Kindred.”

“Mmm.” Draven’s silver eyes were bright. “Better and better. Hybrids are exceedingly rare, are they not?”

“I don’t believe there is more than one born a generation. Possibly two.” Minverna frowned. “Which is a good thing.”

“Oh? How so?”

“The male in question was an exceedingly crude specimen, unworthy of my time or attention. Surprisingly enough, however, the Goddess chose to send him a prophesy.”

“Oh, a prophesy. How dreary. Won’t you Kindred ever tire of them?” Draven sighed. “Still, you’d better tell me what it was.”

“Not until you tell me what you’ll give me. What is this ‘once in a life time reward’ you spoke of?”

“Don’t think of it as what I will give you, but what you will give yourself, my dear, by your cooperation. I cannot name it aloud just now but I assure it will be a most enriching experience.” Draven looked at her intently. “The prophesy, if you please?”

“An enriching experience, hmm?” Minverna frowned. She’d gained much from the items she’d exported to the Ganda system but a little more credit to cushion her account couldn’t hurt. “Very well. The prophesy had to do with a female.”

Draven frowned. “A female? What kind of female? What was her significance?”

“None as far as I know. She was destined for him—for this hybrid, I believe.”

“And why should that matter?”

“It doesn’t—not to me.” Minverna sniffed. “But hybrids, as you know, are generally unable to form bonds with females and have offspring. Supposedly this one was to be the exception.”

Draven raised one eyebrow. “So he flew off in his star-duster to look for his true love? How exceedingly prosaic.”

“Not exactly.” Minverna smirked. “Not before I cursed him. This female—this love—will bring him pain beyond imagining and will threaten his very life.”

Draven nodded approvingly. “Turning a blessing into a dire curse—nicely done. I’m not much of a cursing male myself but I do recognize a master at work when I see one.”

“Thank you.” She nodded stiffly. “But I don’t see how knowing any of this will help you.”

“Oh, but it will,” Draven assured her. “Just think—on his own, a hybrid Kindred is a very dangerous creature. A killing machine that won’t stop until the job is done—why, you should hear what he did to the bunch of Trissian pirates who attacked his ship. You know, I wondered what kind of creature was capable of such slaughter…but I digress. The point is, if he’s distracted by hearts and flowers he won’t be watching his back.”

Minverna nodded doubtfully. “I suppose…”

“Suppose? Don’t you see? Love is in the air…but so are pain, treachery, and death. Just my kind of weather.” Draven beamed. “It’s perfect.”

“I’m glad you think so.” Minverna drew herself up. “And now I’d like my reward.”

“Certainly. You’ve earned it.” Draven smiled and nodded at her. “Open your hand.”

Raising her right hand, which had been clenched loosely at her side, Minverna opened her fingers. Lying on her palm was a large rectangular gem as silver as Draven’s strange eyes. She caught her breath at the beauty of it. “A mirror-mere! And such a large one!” It was one of the rarest gems in the universe, harder than a diamond and yet more malleable than gold. She closed her hand greedily around the cool, reflective stone.

Draven laughed. “Quite large enough to keep you in style for the rest of your natural life, my dear Minverna. Are you happy you helped me now?”

She nodded. “I’m quite satisfied with our bargain.”

“I’m so glad.” He nodded. “Unfortunately though, satisfaction is often fleeting.”

“What do you mean?” Minverna frowned.

“Exactly what I said.” The apparition of Draven made a sudden gesture and the mirror-mere jewel suddenly began to elongate in her hand. As Minverna watched, stunned, it doubled in length and one faceted end suddenly became a long, needle sharp blade.

“What…what is it doing?” She tried to drop the mirror-mere, which now looked exactly like a dagger. But she found her fingers wouldn’t unclench from its cool surface. Instead of obeying her and throwing the strange new weapon away, her hand rose and hovered in the air in front of her face. To Minverna’s horror, the tip of the mirror-mere dagger was pointed directly at her right eye. “Stop it!” she sputtered. “Make it stop!”

“Didn’t I tell you it would be a gift you gave to yourself?” Draven’s solid silver eyes had grown as cold and blank as new coins. “Alas it will have to be, as I cannot be with you in person.”

“Wait…stop!” Minverna gasped as the silver dagger began to push itself toward her eye. But her hand and arm refused to obey her.

Draven chuckled coldly. “Don’t fight it, my dear. After all, it’s a once-in-a-lifetime experience—death always is.”

The dagger suddenly accelerated, slicing forward in a silver blur that ended in darkness. Pain exploded as her eye popped. Minverna shrieked but the sound came out oddly muffled.

“Now, now.” Draven chuckled in her ear and she realized the apparition’s ghostly hand was across her mouth. It felt like something dead and rotted pressing against her lips. “Can’t have them finding you before the job is finished,” he murmured. “Well, do go on.” He gestured with the hand not pressed to her mouth and Minverna felt her hand tighten on the cool handle as it prepared to press forward again. Suddenly a familiar feeling flooded her, the feeling of power she’d been stripped of so recently.

The vision in her one remaining eye went suddenly emerald until everything had a green tinge around it.

Draven, she cried and the voice was not her own.

The chuckling apparition suddenly stopped laughing. “Is that you, Goddess? What do you want? I thought you no longer spoke through this one.”

Even a broken vessel can serve some purpose. I say to you now, Draven of the Hoard, that I know of your desires and you will not succeed.

Draven’s lips curled into a sneer. “You mean you hope I will not succeed. For if I do, there will be no one left to worship you.” He frowned at her. “Besides, have you forgotten the prophesy you yourself placed on me at my creation? That no one—male or female—born of woman could best me?”

I remember that day well. The Goddess’s voice, issuing from Minverna’s mouth, was soft and sad. And how happy I was to have you by my side. We were both happy, my son…until you traded your soul and your wings for damnation and hatred.

“Traded them for freedom, you mean,” Draven scoffed. “Why should I stay with you, always as your second in command, when I could rule my own kingdom?”

A kingdom of darkness and hatred and loathing. A kingdom of evil. The Hoard you have created are no true creatures—they cannot be, for they have no souls.

“They need none,” Draven snapped. “I don’t miss mine at all. It did nothing but fill me with guilt and remorse—it was the instrument you used to control me.”

It is true that those with no souls cannot feel guilt, but they cannot feel love, either. An emotion I give to all my creations in abundance.

“An unnecessary one, I assure you, my dear creator,” Draven said dryly. “One really doesn’t need it to enjoy life—not when there are so many other pleasures to be found in this vast universe.” He grinned. “Such as crushing your enemies beneath your heel and watching them squirm like squashed bugs.”

Do not go so far, Draven. I have loved you as a son, but if you attempt to harm my other children, I will have you destroyed.

“In what way?” Draven scoffed. “I know your restrictions and limitations. The way you must allow your ‘children’ to work out their own problems with hardly any help. How little you are allowed to intercede, especially in large matters. Unfortunately for you, I am not content to reign from afar. I’d much rather be in the thick of things than looking in from the outside.” He grinned. “But then, you already knew that. It’s why I left in the first place.”

So be it. The Goddess’s voice was cold and terrible. I see you are determined it is to be war between us. But remember, Draven…remember how the last war ended. I had hoped you would learn something in your thousand years of isolation, but I see that you have not.

“Oh, I learned something, all right,” Draven spat, his silver eyes flashing. “I learned to loathe you even more. It is not a lesson I will soon forget.”

Farewell, then. I will not try to reason with you again.

The emerald light in Minverna’s one good eye faded leaving a dull, light brown orb in its place. “What…what happened?” she gasped.

“Nothing that concerns you, my dear,” Draven snapped. Really, he was most put out. “Finish!” He made a commanding motion and the ex-high priestess drove the dagger violently into her own brain.

She had an almost comically surprised look on her face when she dropped to the ground, but Draven was not amused. Indeed, even the satisfying scraping sound of the mirror-mere knife tip scratching against the back of her skull couldn’t make him crack a smile. Speaking to the Goddess always put him deep in the doldrums, especially when she tried to remind him of how wonderful things had been before his defection from her oh-so-glorious realm.

Still, there is one thing that always cheers me up, Draven thought. A nice bit of killing and maiming. And if I can just find that Kindred hybrid, I’ll have the perfect person to practice my favorite pastime on…

Thoughtfully, slowly, the once solid apparition turned ghostly and faded from the room, the strange silver eyes disappearing last.

Minverna was left in a lifeless heap, the mirror-mere dagger protruding from one eye socket and a widening puddle of blood cooling around her body.

Chapter Thirteen

Slowly but surely, bit by bit and day by day, Elise was starving to death.

She could feel it happening, could feel the hunger inside her growing stronger, more demanding, but she was helpless to do anything about it.

No matter how much she ate, there was always a gnawing sensation in her stomach, the feeling that she needed to eat more, even when she was full. That was nothing though, a mere symptom of the bigger problem. After throwing up twice, as quietly and privately as she could in the tiny bathroom, she made sure she stopped eating before she got sick, even though she still felt horribly hungry.

Nights were a little bit better because she and Merrick could touch. Not much, though—he still slept by the side of the bed with his hand on the mattress so she could hold it. Elise always started out in the middle of the bed with just their fingers entwined but often she woke in the middle of the night to find her entire body curled around his large, warm hand and muscular forearm. It was almost as though her unconscious body was getting as close to her only source of nourishment as it could when she wasn’t awake to stop it. It was pathetic but Elise couldn’t seem to help it. And she couldn’t risk having Merrick up on the bed with her.

At first it was because of the memories—the ones that threatened to come flooding back, pouring out from under the door of her mental vault like overflowing sewage seeping up from some underground tank. The night she’d awoken to see the huge, black male shadow standing over her bed they had nearly drowned her.

It had come back in tattered flashes—all of her disgusting past she didn’t want to think about or admit. Like a slideshow of horror she couldn’t get away from.

Seeing the shadow in the door, knowing he was there. Knowing what he wanted, what he was determined to get. Buck standing over her protectively, his mismatched eyes—one blue and one gold—glowing in the night, a low growl rising from his shaggy throat. Her sweet Buck, who’d protected her as long as he could…and then…

The vault! Have to keep it in the vault! It had become a constant mantra with her now. The vault door was bulging, the corpses in there were unquiet, demanding in louder and louder voices to be let out. But I can’t let you out, Elise thought desperately. If I let you out I’ll drown!

She thought she knew why the vault door was getting weaker and weaker as the days went by. Part of it was the hunger, which she refused to feed. But the hunger wasn’t the only feeling that was growing inside her. There was something else—that same, strange, heated feeling between her thighs she’d experienced right before Merrick had come for her in the IHOP. But it was also akin to the feeling she’d gotten while sitting on his lap, during the ride back to the Mother Ship, when he’d been explaining what he wanted to do to her—how he wanted to taste her…

Somehow that feeling—that sexual need—was even more frightening than the memories of Buck and the black shadow-man who wanted to hurt her. I’m not like that, Elise told herself over and over. I don’t do those things. Don’t even think about those kinds of things.

But though she tried hard to keep the thoughts out of her head, her body kept responding to the feelings, which she had a much harder time suppressing. Feelings of desire whenever Merrick was near, whenever she smelled his warm, fur and smoke scent, so masculine and so completely desirable. Whenever his arm brushed hers as they passed in the narrow corridor or when he looked into her eyes and she had to turn quickly away, blushing, so that he wouldn’t read the need on her face…

Elise tried telling herself it was just a side effect of their artificial bond, but she knew that wasn’t true—or not completely true, anyway. Somehow her hunger for his touch had mutated into something else—something stronger and harder to deny or ignore. That was why she continued to ask Merrick to sleep on the floor, the reason she shied away from his touch, and refused to do anything more than hold his hand.

The memory of the black shadow-man had long since been banished to the vault—an uneasy corpse, to be sure, but at least it was no longer loose in her psyche, walking and talking and ready to wake her screaming with nightmares. Elise had it under control—for now.

What she didn’t have under control was herself. And that scared her—scared her almost to death. Because the feelings of sexual want and desire weren’t natural for her. The deep, maddening yearning in her soul to be touched, to be stroked and tasted, to lose control in another’s arms, was wholly foreign—wholly wrong.

I don’t do those things. I’m not that way, whispered a voice in her head—the high, trembling voice of a much younger girl. Of a victim. I don’t want to be that way. I can’t. I won’t.

She knew Merrick had some idea that things were wrong and going wronger by the moment, but still Elise struggled to control and contain her embarrassing problem. After all, she couldn’t tell him she was terminally horny. Even though her pussy was constantly wet and her nipples ached with need, it wasn’t something she was prepared to admit to herself—let alone him.

Still, she saw his nostrils flare sometimes when they were close to each other and wondered if he had other ways of sensing her problem. If he could tell how difficult her life was becoming, how the hunger and its new companion, lust, were tearing her apart inside even as she strove to keep a calm outer façade…

* * * * *

The night before they were supposed to make orbit around Rageron, Merrick decided he couldn’t take it anymore.

He’d been patient and calm and kind and the Goddess knew none of those qualities came easily to him. But he couldn’t sit by and watch Elise die because she was too frightened and proud to take what she needed from him.

He could feel the hunger coming off her in waves. Their bond might be fake but it worked just fine for conveying her needs and emotions to him. Holding hands with her every night wasn’t enough to feed the immense need he felt growing inside her. It was like throwing a starving man a few crumbs of food every day and expecting him to survive—it wasn’t going to happen.

But there was something else growing as well. Along with the hunger in her he also felt…desire. Even outright lust. Which complicated things a hell of a lot. He remembered what Sylvan had said—that as time went on Elise would need deeper and more intense touching and that things might have to turn sexual between them. The thought made his cock hard and the mating fist at its base swell with desire…until he remembered the stark fear in her eyes the night he’d come into the room and frightened her half to death. Her body might be in heat but her mind most certainly was not and that led to a whole new set of problems—problems he couldn’t ignore if he wanted to keep her alive.

He didn’t want to hurt her, didn’t want to frighten her or scar her anymore than she’d already been scarred. But he didn’t want to watch her die, either. And the hollows around her lovely brown eyes told him she was headed downhill. Something had to be done and fast—but what?

At last meal—rehydrated food cubes which they shared, eating across from each other at the tiny fold-out table in the living area—Merrick held an inner debate with himself. He was trying to decide how to work things out, how to give Elise what she needed without making her hate him.

Obviously what needed to happen was for both of them to get naked in the bed and just touch—skin to skin, flank to flank, chest to chest—probably for the entire night. That might be enough to get her through without turning sexual—although how the hell he could hold her naked in his arms and not show any signs of how much he wanted her was beyond Merrick.

And of course there was the problem of getting Elise to agree to try this in the first place. He was fairly sure she was still frightened of him—a holdover from her flashback. So he could hardly strip her naked and hold her down. Even if every instinct inside him didn’t rebel against the idea, he still wouldn’t have done it. He didn’t want her to hate him. But what if it was a choice between that and watching her die? What if—

“You seem to be thinking awfully hard about something over there.” Elise stirred her Grieza worms—a delicacy from Twin Moons—with her fork as she spoke. She’d been reluctant to try them at first but after a single bite, she’d showed a pretty good appetite. There were only a few worms left on her plate but the troubled look in her eyes said she wouldn’t be eating them. “Are you thinking about Rageron?” she asked him. “Do you have family there?”

“No to the first question and yes to the second.” Merrick sighed. “You want to know the truth, I’m thinking about you.”

“Me?” Elise’s eyebrows raised and he heard the instant defensiveness in her voice. Great, he was definitely in for a battle. “Why would you be thinking about me?”

“Because you’re starving to death,” Merrick said bluntly, tired of beating around the bush. Fuck small talk—they needed to get this out in the open.

She pushed her plate away. “But I’m so full I can’t eat another bite. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“The hell you don’t.” He glared at her. “I can feel it. Here.” He pounded himself on the chest with his fist. “We’re connected by the bond, remember? And I don’t care if it’s fake—it still works the same way. I know what you need and you’re not getting it.” He leaned closer to her, holding her eyes with his. “You’re not getting it because you’re not taking it.”

“I…we…” Her hand fluttered to her chest. “We hold hands every night—just like you said Sylvan told you to do.”

“He said to touch you at night to make the days easier, not that we should only hold hands,” Merrick pointed out. “That was my idea, after that one night when you had your nightmare.”

She lifted her chin but didn’t address the emphasis he’d put on the word. “It seems to be working fine though. I don’t really see the problem.”

Finally Merrick lost all patience. “The problem is you’re fucking dying!” he roared, pounding the table hard enough to make their dishes rattle. “And I’m not going to let you sit by and commit suicide because you’re too scared to take what you need!”

“What do you know about what I need?” Elise shouted back, surprising him. “What the hell do you know about anything?”

Merrick narrowed his eyes. “I know a hell of a lot more than you’d like, sweetheart. I know that the hunger has changed. It’s more intense now…more sexual.”

Elise’s face went white as a sheet. “You…how would you know that?”

“I can smell it on you.” Merrick inhaled deeply, illustrating his point. “How hot you are, how much you need to come…” He sighed and ran a hand over his face. “Look, there’s no shame in it, baby. Sylvan said this might happen. That you might need—”

“I don’t need anything like…like that.” Elise’s voice was high and brittle. “I don’t…I’m not like that. Not that kind of girl.”

“It has nothing to do with what kind of female you are.” Merrick tried to keep the exasperation out of his voice. “It’s about feeding the hunger before it starves you to death.”

“But I’m fine…fine,” Elise insisted.

“You’ll take me down with you if you go. You know that, right?” He looked down at his own half finished dinner. “The way the bond is placed, if one of us dies, we both die.”

“I…oh.” Elise suddenly seemed to shrink in on herself. “I guess…guess I forgot about that. I’m so sorry, Merrick,” she whispered.

He felt his heart contract. At least she still cared a little. “I figured you might’ve,” he said roughly. “And I’m sorry I shouted at you. I’ve just been…really fucking worried these last few days.”

Elise bit her lip. “I…I have too,” she admitted at last. “These feelings…they’re frightening because they’re unusual. I don’t normally…I never feel this way.”

Merrick looked at her in disbelief. “What, you’ve never been horny?”

She shook her head, a bit primly he thought. “No, of course not. I’m always too busy worrying about work or James or…I don’t know. Anything but that, I guess.”

Merrick shook his head. “When you told me you and that idiot fiancé of yours didn’t have sex, I could believe that. But are you honestly telling me you never touch yourself either?”

“James and I are waiting because James respects my wishes,” she said. “And no, I never, er, touch myself. I don’t need to.”

You might need to tonight, he thought but didn’t say it aloud. It was obvious that the idea of sex—even self-sex—made Elise intensely uncomfortable and defensive. Better to keep things low key and non-threatening if he could.

“All right,” he said at last. “Leaving all that out of it, the fact is I need to touch you.”

“I know,” she said in a small voice. And the sudden fear blooming behind her eyes was enough to make his heart twist.

“That’s going to be a problem, isn’t it?” he asked, his throat tight. “Like it was the other night? The night you got so upset?” He wasn’t going to mention her “nightmare” again if he could help it.

She nodded, a quick, terse jerk of her head. “It might be.”

Merrick frowned. “Then how can we do this? How can I touch you without freaking you out again? How can—” He snapped his fingers as an idea came to him. “I’ve got it!” He looked at her plate where she was still toying with the last few worms. “You finished?”

She nodded. “Yes. Why?”

“Come with me.” Merrick held out a hand to her and watched as she struggled to take it. It hurt his heart to see the indecision in her eyes—the longing warring with fear. Finally, she slipped her small, cool fingers through his and nodded.

“All right. Let’s go.”

* * * * *

Merrick led her into the bedroom they’d been sharing the entire flight and went to one of the storage cupboards on the wall. “Here.”

Elise looked down at the slender metal hoops he’d handed to her. Her heart was still trying to pound its way out of her chest as she wondered what he had in mind. “What are these?” she asked blankly.

“Shock cuffs.”

“What?” She frowned at him. He was standing in the middle of the room undressing in a way that made her nervous and hot at the same time. God, he had the most amazingly muscular chest she’d ever seen. She remembered being pressed against it—against him—and wished she could do that again without fear. Without the bad memories in the vault coming out to play. She never felt this way when she saw James with his shirt off…but maybe now wasn’t the best time to think of her fiancé.

“Shock cuffs,” he repeated patiently, breaking her train of thought.

“Okay…” The words meant nothing to her.

“They’re top of the line.” He toed off his boots and tossed them in the corner along with his discarded t-shirt. “They don’t cause any lasting damage but when you put them on someone they deliver a hell of a jolt if they try to get loose.” He flashed her a grin. “Good way to keep somebody in place, you know?”

“What?” Elise felt all the blood drain from her face as she considered the slender silver rings in a whole new light. “But that’s horrible! Why do you even have these?”

He shrugged, his massive bare shoulders rolling with the gesture. “I do a bit of bounty hunting from time to time along with scavenging and smuggling. They tend to come in handy.”

“And you…you want to put them on me?” Elise shook her head and began backing away from him. “No, Merrick. No, absolutely not. I can’t… I won’t…”

“Hey, whoa…hold on.” He was in the act of unbuckling his belt but he stopped and came toward her, hands held out entreatingly. “Those aren’t for you, baby—they’re for me.”

“What?” Elise was almost as appalled as when she’d thought the cuffs were meant for her. “You want me to chain you down and shock you?”

“I want you to feel safe.” Merrick sighed and ran a hand over his skull-cut hair. “Look, it just came to me a minute ago—I’ve been thinking about this all wrong. I kept thinking I had to touch you in order to keep you healthy, to feed the hunger. But then it occurred to me.”

“What occurred to you?” Elise asked impatiently.

“That you could touch me instead. Think about it, Elise—you need skin-to-skin contact with me, that’s all. But it doesn’t have to be me making the contact, not if it makes you uncomfortable. Not if it brings back bad memories…or nightmares.”

Finally what he was saying began to sink in.I could touch him. Of course, why didn’t I think of that? But she knew the answer to that one—it was because she’d been trying so hard not to think of him that way. Trying not to think of anything even remotely sexual.

“I…I don’t know,” she murmured, biting her lip. “How…how exactly would we do it? Uh, this…how would we do this?” she corrected hastily.

“Simple. I’ll strip and lay on the bed. You cuff my hands behind my back and then get undressed yourself. Then touch me as much as you want. Until you feel completely satisfied.” He raised his eyebrows at her. “Got it?”

Sudden pictures filled her head, images of her touching him everywhere, doing things she shouldn’t, being a bad girl, a naughty girl… Her hands itched to stroke every inch of his hard, muscular body and her pussy had never felt so wet and hot, but her mind was frozen by fear.

“Elise?” he said, making her name a question.

“I…” She licked her lips with a tongue that felt like sandpaper. “I understand what you’re suggesting but I…I’m not sure…”

“It doesn’t have to be sexual, baby,” he murmured. Ducking his head, he caught her eyes and held her gaze with his own. “Not if you don’t want it to be. It can just be about touching. About taking what you want—what you need—without being afraid that I’ll touch back. Because I won’t be able to—not with those on.” He nodded at the cuffs in her hand and gave her a small smile. “What do you say?”

The hunger snarled inside her like a starving animal but still she hesitated. “Would…would I have to be naked too?”

Merrick gave her a steady look. “You know the answer to that. We need as much skin-to-skin contact as possible. Anything less isn’t going to cut it.”

“I know,” she said in a small voice. “It’s just…I’m shy. I…I know you’ve seen me naked before but—”

“Blindfold me,” Merrick suggested softly. “Cuff me down and blindfold me. Then do whatever you want…whatever you need.”

Elise looked at him uncertainly. “You’d let me make you helpless like that? You’d trust me that much?”

He sighed. “You can be fucking sure it’s not an offer I’d extend to anybody else in the whole Goddess-damned universe. But, yeah baby. I trust you.”

The hunger snarled again and she made a decision. “All right.” She nodded. “Let’s do it.”

Chapter Fourteen

There was some discussion about which way he should be lying on the big bed. Her first thought was to have him on his back but that felt too threatening somehow. Part of it was how massive he was, even in repose. And part was the fact that his semi-erect shaft was put on display in a very disconcerting way. Elise tried, but she found it difficult not to look at. It was so long and thick…God, how did he even use that thing? It was more like a Billy club than a cock, which made her glad they weren’t doing anything but touching tonight. But despite her misgivings, she kept wondering what it would feel like in her hand, if it was as hot and as hard and solid as it looked.

Merrick obviously saw the way her eyes kept returning to his shaft. It seemed to harden and lengthen the more she looked at it. “Sorry about that,” he muttered, shrugging. “It’s been awhile. And you’re fucking gorgeous—I can’t help reacting.”

“I…I don’t mind,” Elise lied. “But, well, maybe if you lay on your side instead…”

That seemed to work better. She could still see his erect shaft, but it was mostly hidden by his thighs. And with his hands cuffed behind his back, he seemed much less threatening somehow. She was sure having him in this position wouldn’t bring up any unwanted memories.

Before she undressed, Elise went around behind him and tied on the blindfold—the black sash of a silky black and red robe one of the girls from the Mother Ship had given her for her trip. It covered Merrick’s eyes pretty well, though she thought he might be able to peek out a little from under the bottom edge which was mostly lace. Still, it gave the illusion that he was unable to see and Elise found that made her feel much more at ease than if he’d been blatantly staring at her. She finished by arranging a pillow under his head to make sure he was comfortable.

“There.” She stepped back at last, examining her handiwork. Merrick looked a sight. Naked, lying on his side with his arms bound behind his back and his eyes blindfolded, it was as though he was a hostage she had taken. A prisoner, helpless despite his size and strength.

It looked kinky but it wasn’t, not really. It was about his desire to help her, to give her what she needed without frightening her. Once more Elise felt touched that he would offer her this level of trust. She wondered if he’d ever allowed anyone else to make him this helpless and knew he had not. He cares, she realized. Really cares. And I don’t think it’s just the artificial bond…or not all of it, anyway.

“Not to rush you or anything, but I’m ready when you are,” Merrick rumbled and she realized she’d been just standing there, staring at him for a full minute.

“Oh, right. Sorry.” Quickly she began to disrobe. The dress she was wearing was loose and simple, easy to slip out of. What wasn’t so easy was what came next—taking off her bra and panties. Elise looked again at the edge of black lace on the bottom of the blindfold. Was Merrick watching her? “Can you see me?” she asked uncertainly.

“I can smell you,” he growled softly, not answering the question. “I can smell your sweet heat from over here. You need this baby, so stop worrying and come take it.”

Elise decided to do as he said. Quickly and decisively, she pulled off her lacy white bra and panties and dropped them in a little heap on the floor. Then, though it was one of the hardest things she’d ever done, she crawled naked onto the bed with him.

She wasn’t sure what to do at first—how to touch him. She thought about hugging him but she was shy about starting with such an intimate embrace. The idea of pressing her naked body to his made her nervous and also incredibly hot. Then it came to her—start at the top and work down.

She’d always wanted to touch his head, she realized. To feel the prickly black stubble of his skull-cut hair. Lightly, she ran her hand over it, enjoying the warmth of his scalp, the roughness of his hair against her palm.

Merrick shivered and she drew back at once. “I’m sorry. Is that okay?”

“Fine,” he assured her, his voice slightly hoarse. “I just wasn’t expecting it. But go on, baby. Touch me however you want—I don’t mind.”

The warmth and reassurance in his deep voice gave her courage to try again. Scooting a little closer, Elise ran a hand over his head again and then let her fingers trail down one rough cheek. She was pretty sure that he shaved often but she had never seen him without a beard shadow—it must grow fast.

She turned her attention to the rest of his face. His features were blunt…solid, as though carved out of granite, yet they felt soft and mobile beneath her hands. She ran a finger down the bridge of his nose and over his lips, which were surprisingly full and sensual for a man.

To her surprise, Merrick kissed her fingertip, prompting her to linger there. When she didn’t move, he parted his lips for her—an obvious invitation. What did he want? Elise wasn’t sure until he sucked her finger gently into his mouth. She gasped in surprise but didn’t pull away. The warm, wet suction seemed to do something to her, especially when she felt him bathing her finger softly with his tongue. What was he trying to show her? How he would kiss other parts of her body if he got the chance?

"Mmm…" The low purring growl of desire rising in his throat as he lapped gently at her fingertip seemed to confirm her thought.

Disturbed and aroused at the same time, Elise pulled back slowly and cupped his cheek again. Then she turned her attention to something else that interested her—his scar.

Carefully, she traced one fingertip over the cruel white line which ran the length of his face, bisecting his eyebrow and narrowly missing his eye. Merrick shivered under her touch like a nervous animal but said nothing.

“How did you get this?” Elise asked softly, hoping he wouldn’t mind the question. There were other scars on his big body—plenty of them. But this was the most obvious—and the most cruel.

“Got in a fight,” he said briefly. “With a male who hurt someone I loved.”

Elise felt her heart fist in her chest but she tried to ignore the sensation. After all, they were both adults. She couldn’t expect him to have never cared for anyone before her. “Oh?” she said lightly. “Was she pretty?”

“Beautiful. But I don’t want to talk about her now.” He sighed and pressed his head forward gently, nuzzling her hand. “Someday, baby, I’ll tell you all about my scars. When you’re ready to tell me about yours.”

“I see.” Elise stopped tracing his scar and moved her hand down to the strong cords of his throat instead. “I don’t know if that will ever happen,” she said softly, running one hand from his neck to his shoulder. “I don’t know if I’ll ever…ever be ready for that.” It was the closest she could come to acknowledging the vault and everything inside it. It wasn’t much, but Merrick seemed to understand and appreciate her effort.

“That’s all right. We don’t need to talk about it now. For now just touch me.”

Elise did as he said. Her hands slipped from his shoulders and down his muscular arms. She could feel his biceps and triceps tense beneath her wandering hands. With pleasure? Sexual tension? She tried not to think about it too much—or to consider the fact that while she was starting to feel better—less hungry as it were—she was still nowhere near satisfied.

An old song hummed briefly in the back of her mind, “I can’t get no…satisfaction…” What would it take to give her that feeling of emotional fullness—of complete satisfaction? What would it take to feed the hunger until it left her alone, for even a little while? Elise was afraid to consider it. Instead she tried to keep her mind blank and let her hands do the work her mind was too frightened to contemplate.

Merrick was half turned over now so that instead of his profile, she saw him more face on. Somehow, though, it didn’t bother her as it had before they’d started this little exercise. He was so big and warm that touching him—exploring him—was exactly what she imagined stroking a tiger would be like. Without all the fur, of course, but his size and the caged violence inside him—evident even in repose—put the image in her mind and she found she couldn’t forget it.

He made soft, deep sounds of pleasure when she stroked him, her hands wandering over his muscular chest and down his corded abdomen. She played lightly with the flat copper disks of his nipples, circling them with one teasing fingertip until Merrick made a growling sound of frustration.

This isn’t supposed to be sexual, she thought and hastily withdrew her hand…only to travel lower. His thighs and legs were powerful, lightly dusted with coarse black hair that felt ticklish under her palms. Elise stroked all the way down to his strong ankles and big feet before coming back up again.

She hesitated over the broad, plum-shaped head of his cock, protruding from between his thighs. It was even harder now, she saw, and there were droplets of clear fluid welling up on top. She wondered briefly what those pearly drops would taste like on her tongue and then pushed the thought away hurriedly. What was wrong with her? She never had thoughts like that—desires like that. And yet now, it seemed she did. Slowly, hesitantly, she let just her fingertips trail down, stroking lightly between his thighs, just where his shaft was. There seemed to be a swelling at its base—was that normal or just a Kindred thing? Honestly, Elise hadn’t seen enough naked men to know, not that she’d ever wanted to.

“It’s okay.” His deep voice brought her back to herself and she snatched her hand away.

“What?”

“I said, it’s okay,” he repeated. “Touch me however you want to, baby. However and wherever. I don’t mind.”

Elise wished briefly that she could allow him such free access to her body but even the thought made cold sweat break out on her forehead. “I thought you said it doesn’t…doesn’t have to be sexual,” she whispered through dry lips.

“It doesn’t,” Merrick assured her gently. “But it can be if you want it to be. If you need it to be.” Slowly, he arched his back, giving her greater access to his bound and naked body. “Go ahead, baby—do what you want. Take what you need.”

“I…I shouldn’t need to do that. To touch you there,” she whispered. Inside her head a little voice murmured, Don’t you mean you shouldn’t want to?

Merrick didn’t answer. He still looked relaxed—or at least most of him did. His shaft was rock hard and solid, thrusting up from between his thighs like an invitation.

What does it feel like? Before she could stop herself, Elise had leaned forward and cupped it in her hand.

Merrick let out a ragged gasp but he didn’t pull away. He just laid there, his big body tense as Elise touched him. The long shaft was much too thick to encircle with her fingers but she tried anyway. To her surprise the skin of his cock felt like velvet—or maybe rose petals. But it was hot too, much hotter than the rest of his body. Elise enjoyed the sensation. It was like holding a living creature in her hand—solid, hot, velvety and very, very male.

“Gods, baby,” Merrick groaned hoarsely when she slid her fingers up to the blunt, plum-shaped head and all the way back down to the swelling at the root of his cock. “Your sweet little hands are so soft.”

Elise spared a glance at his hands, bound helplessly behind his back by the shock cuffs and wondered what they would feel like on her bare skin. Big and callused but gentle was her guess. Gentle and very warm.

“What’s this?” she asked, trying to push the forbidden image out of her head as she stroked the swelling that ringed the base of his cock. “Is it a Kindred thing?”

“A Beast Kindred thing, yeah. Like my fangs are Blood Kindred.” He grinned briefly, showing the fangs in question. Half the time Elise forgot he had them—they really only showed when he smiled and he hadn’t had reason to smile much lately, she guessed.

“What is it?” she asked, determined to keep the conversation going, to keep things as normal as possible.

“It’s called a mating fist.” He caught his breath in a sharp hiss as Elise let her fingertips trail lightly over it. “It’s only used during sex. Bonding sex.”

“What does it do?” she asked curiously.

“Swells inside your pussy to tie us together,” he growled softly.

“It does? Why?” She shifted, parting her thighs slightly. Hearing him talk dirty made her feel hot and achy.

“That way the sex lasts longer and I could come in you again and again and make you mine. Bond you to me forever—the right way.” He groaned again. “Goddess, baby, you’re driving me fucking crazy.”

Elise felt a surge of empowerment. Merrick was a big, powerful male yet here he was, literally helpless in her hands. She was the one touching him, not the other way around. She was the one calling the shots—giving him pleasure, doing whatever she wanted. It made her feel strong and sexy in a way she never had before—in a way she’d never even imagined. Then his words began to register.

“Swells inside? How?” she demanded. “That would never fit in…in most girls.”

“Compounds in my precum help get you ready.” His deep voice was hoarse as she continued to stroke him. “Makes you able to stretch—to accommodate the fist with no pain. Just pleasure.”

“In your precum?” Elise let her fingers trail from the mating fist at the base of his shaft, up to the flaring crown, which was now shiny with clear fluid. Carefully, she rubbed her thumb over the satiny smooth skin, spreading the slippery precum over the sensitive head of his cock.

Merrick groaned again and thrust up into her hand. “Look baby, I love the way you touch me but you’d better stop now,” he warned. “Not unless you want me to come.”

For a moment Elise considered it. But it seemed to too much—going too far. She’d sworn to herself this wasn’t going to get sexual and now here she was, practically jerking him off. I’m engaged, she reminded herself guiltily as she reluctantly pulled back her hand. I shouldn’t be doing this. I should only do what I have to in order to satisfy the hunger.

The only problem was, the hunger was in no way satisfied. Elise wanted more, somehow, but she didn’t know what. More touching? More sexual touching? Maybe I just need to use more than my hands, she thought a bit desperately as the hunger gnawed at her middle. Maybe if I pressed against him…

The idea had upset her at first but now that she felt more familiar with Merrick’s big body, she was also more comfortable with the idea of a completely naked hug. Slowly, carefully, she moved forward, putting her arms around his neck and pressing her chest to his.

“Nice,” Merrick rumbled softly. “I like the feel of you against me.”

“I…I like it too,” Elise admitted a bit breathlessly. The warm sensation of his hard, muscular chest beneath her own soft breasts felt wonderful. She could feel his heart drumming too, a slower, deeper cadence than her own lighter, faster beat. His scent—the warm, masculine musk that reminded her of smoke and fur—seemed to pervade her senses completely, making her feel safe. It was better—much better…but still not quite good enough. She wanted, no—needed—more contact. More of his skin against hers. But how?

“Climb up the rest of the way if you want,” Merrick invited softly. “Lie down on me.”

“I…” Elise bit her lip. “I wouldn’t want to uh, squish you.”

To her surprise, he threw his head back against the pillow and roared with genuine amusement. “You squish me? Baby, you’re tiny.”

“I’m just petite,” Elise protested primly. “Which doesn’t bother me, by the way. I like being small and compact. It makes my opponents in the court room underestimate me.”

“Anyone would be a fool to do that.” He was still smiling, a hint of his fangs showing from beneath his sensuous upper lip. “But it’s good to like yourself. I like being big, too. Big enough for you to lie on me—if you want.”

So they were back to that. He really wants me to, she realized. As much as I want to, I think. “All right,” she said aloud. “But don’t blame me if you feel squished.” Carefully, slowly, she shifted her weight so that she was lying on him completely.

Merrick was on his back now with his bound hands under him. It couldn’t have been comfortable but he didn’t complain, just lay there quietly as she settled on top of him. Her breasts flattened out against his chest and he was so tall his thick shaft branded her thigh instead of her belly. Elise thought about moving so that she didn’t touch him there…and didn’t. Instead, she relaxed on top of him, enjoying the full body contact, feeling like a kitten cuddling with a Great Dane.

The warmth of his big body enveloped her, filling her with a sense of well-being she couldn’t deny. At last she began to feel the gnawing hunger retreat somewhat and a sense of peace took its place. This was good—this was right in a way she couldn’t deny. At the back of her head she knew it was just the fake bond making her feel this way, telling her she needed the big Kindred, needed to touch him and be touched by him. But somehow she didn’t care. Fake bond or not, it felt wonderful and she didn’t want to spoil the lovely sensation with over-analysis.

But as the hunger decreased, her other need grew. Lust flared to life inside her once more, licking at her inner thighs like a fire. She began to be hyperaware of the thick length of Merrick’s cock against her thigh, began to think about how close it was to her pussy, which was throbbing and hot and needy.

But I don’t want him in me. I don’t want anyone there! she thought, panicking a little. I can’t…not after…

The door of the vault shuddered as though something inside it was trying to get out. Desperately, Elise worked to keep it closed. I don’t want to think about that. About any of it. This is so nice—why do I have to ruin it by wanting something sexual? And yet, she did. There was no denying it, her pussy was hot and her nipples were tight. How could she, who had been happily frigid for so long, suddenly want this so badly? It didn’t make sense and yet there was no denying this feeling inside her. This need to be touched, to be stroked and pleasured and made to come…

“Elise?” Merrick shifted under her and she looked up to see his nostrils flaring rhythmically.

“Yes? Am I getting too heavy?” She prepared to get off him but his next words stopped her.

“You’re fine—stay put and tell me what’s wrong.”

“What…what do you mean? There’s nothing wrong,” she protested. “I just can’t quite…seem to get…comfortable.” As she spoke she pressed against him as though trying to find a better spot.

“How comfortable do you need to be?” Somehow his leg slipped between hers and she felt the warm, muscular ridge of his thigh press hard against her pussy.

“Oh!” The word left her lips in a little gasp of embarrassment. She was probably getting him all wet! “Oh, I…I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean…”

“Don’t be sorry. I’m not.” He shifted, pressing his thigh upward, rubbing against her, forcing her to ride him.

“Oh…” Elise breathed again. She could feel her swollen outer pussy lips opening, spreading for him as though of their own volition. Her slippery inner cunt and her sensitive clit were laid bare, rubbing against his hard thigh in a way that made her moan aloud.

“You like that?” Merrick moved again, sending another shower of pleasure sparks pulsing through her body. “You like to ride me, baby?”

“I…yes. Yes, I do,” Elise admitted, unable to help herself. But though the feel of his thigh pressed against her throbbing button was amazing, it still wasn’t quite enough. Moaning in frustration, she rubbed against him, feeling like she was going to go crazy if the sensation building inside her didn’t come to a peak soon. She needed something—needed to come, she was sure of that. But how? To her secret shame she’d never had an orgasm before and so had no idea how to go about doing it now.

“You okay, baby?” Merrick asked, obviously sensing her frustration.

“Yes…no.” Elise let out a little moan of dissatisfaction. “I just…I can’t quite…this isn’t enough somehow.”

Merrick’s answer was immediate and mirrored her own thoughts. “You need to come.”

“How…how could you possibly know that?” Elise demanded, feeling her cheeks get hot. “How—?”

“Told you, I can smell it on you. You’re hot but you’ve hit a wall. You need to go up and over—let yourself soar.”

“All right, fine. But how?” Elise demanded, feeling frustrated.

“Easy. Touch yourself.” He sounded so matter of fact about it, as though it was no big deal. But it was a big deal to Elise—a very big deal. Letting the sexual part of herself out enough to actively pursue pleasure was frightening and foreign. She didn’t know if she could do it.

Elise bit her lip. “I…I’ve never…”

“Never?” he demanded, frowning.

“If I have, I don’t remember it,” Elise said defensively. Drawing away from him, she moved back to her side of the bed and crossed her legs tightly. “I just…I try not to think about things like this. So I never…never need to, you know…do that.”

Merrick’s response surprised her. “Let me help you.”

“Help me what?”

“Come.” He looked up at her and now she was certain he could see her through the black lace of the blindfold. “Let me help you come.”

“How…how would you do that?” Elise could feel her breath coming short and she squeezed her thighs tightly together, as though to hide her need.

“Remember what I told you on our ride back to the Mother Ship? That I wanted to taste you?” His deep voice was filled with desire—desire for her, Elise realized. Desire to spread her legs and taste and suck and lick her naked pussy. The idea was both titillating and terrifying—and completely too much.

“I…oh. Oh, no!” She pressed her thighs together even tighter. “I couldn’t let you do that. I just couldn’t.”

“All right then.” He sighed. “I figured that might be going too far but I had to ask. You smell so damn good I couldn’t help it.”

“I…oh. Well, thank you.” She nodded uncertainly. “Look, maybe we should just forget it. I’m feeling much better now and—”

“Is the hunger gone? Completely gone?” Merrick asked.

Elise opened her mouth to lie…and then remembered he could feel what she felt. “No,” she admitted at last in a small voice. “No…but it is much better.”

“And it’s gonna get much fucking worse again if you don’t let yourself come,” Merrick said firmly. “Look, Sylvan said it might get sexual so this shouldn’t be a surprise. If you don’t want my help, you’re going to have to manage it yourself—I'm betting it’s the only way to back the hunger off for any length of time.”

“Fine.” Elise lifted her chin. “I…I’ll manage.” After all, how hard could it be?

Scooting backwards so that she was sitting with her back against the headboard, she got settled and took a deep breath. She gave another quick look at Merrick, wondering if he was watching her beneath the blindfold. He just lay there quietly, saying nothing, obviously waiting for her to work it out herself. Which I am perfectly capable of doing, Elise told herself sternly.

Casting another quick, furtive glance at Merrick, she slipped one hand between her thighs and began to rub her sensitive mound. At first it seemed things were going well but then Elise began to feel nervous. Had she ever done this before? She had told Merrick she hadn’t, but now she wondered. This all seemed familiar. Familiar and dangerous. But then, anything sexual felt dangerous and always had. Ever since…

She put it in the vault quickly and tried to continue but now she seemed to have lost momentum. The sensations were good but not quite right somehow. It was almost as though her pussy was too sensitive. As though she needed to come so badly her most delicate parts had become too swollen and needful to help her get where she needed to go. Damn it! Clenching her jaw, she made a little noise of frustration.

“You’re doing it wrong.” Merrick’s deep voice startled her. He’d been quiet for so long and Elise had been concentrating so intently, she’d almost forgotten he was there.

“You’re watching me,” she accused him.

“I’m listening to you. You’ve got no rhythm.”

“Rhythm? What are you talking about?”

He sighed. “You have to get a rhythm going. Have to fall into the groove and work at it—it’s almost like a dance.”

“Maybe it’s that way for guys but—”

“It’s that way for everyone,” he interrupted. “Doesn’t matter which kind of equipment you’ve got, you have to work it right.”

“Is that so?” Feeling embarrassed and irritated, Elise put a hand on her hip. “If you know so much, why don’t you just show me how it’s done?”

“Show you?” His eyebrows raised above the blindfold. “You want me to touch you? Want me to make you come, baby?”

The idea sent her heart skittering in her chest. “No, I don’t want you to show me on me,” she said rather breathlessly. “Show me on yourself. Since…since you said it’s all the same.”

A look of amusement crossed his face. “Well, sure, if you want. I don’t usually perform for an audience but I don’t mind if you want to watch.”

“Yes. Yes, I do.” Elise envied him his easy sexuality. How nice it must be not to have to hide that part of yourself away! To actually be able to enjoy it. Her own sex drive was like a monster in the closet—something she was afraid to let out. Or had been afraid to let out until now, anyway. And she still wasn’t sure how well it was going. “Well?” she said to Merrick.

He cocked his head to one side. “Well what? I’m pretty fucking talented in the sexual arena but not even I can jerk off with my hands behind my back.”

“Oh! Oh, of course.” Elise felt like a fool. Of course he couldn’t do anything before she released him from the cuffs. She went around behind him and inserted the small magnetic key. She was about to turn it when Merrick said,

“Stop.”

“What is it?” She looked at him uncertainly.

“Take off the blindfold. Let me look at you.”

She did as he asked and found herself looking into his startlingly strange and beautiful eyes. “What is it?” she asked, feeling slightly inhibited now that she was absolutely sure he could see her. She fought the urge to cross her arms over her breasts and won—just barely.

“I want to make sure you’re comfortable with this. With me being unbound.” He looked at her meaningfully. “I don’t want to scare you, baby. Don’t want to lose any of the ground we’ve gained.”

Elise was touched by his concern. She took a moment to think—really think about what he was asking her. Yes, he was still huge and male and yes, they were both naked but somehow the time they’d spent working slowly up to this point had made her feel comfortable with that. Or, if not exactly comfortable, at least not frightened any more.

“You know I would never hurt you,” Merrick said softly. “Never.”

“I know.” Elise felt a lump in her throat. God, why did he have to be so sweet and kind? Why couldn’t the bond between them be real? But there was no use wishing for things she couldn’t have. “I’m okay,” she said, daring to stroke his rough cheek with her fingertips. “I…I’m not so afraid anymore. As long as you don’t, you know, try to get on top of me or anything…”

“Of course not.” He gave her a half grin that exposed his fangs. “Wouldn’t want to ‘squish’ you.”

Elise laughed and felt a tight little knot in the center of her chest loosen a bit. Everything was going to be okay—at least she hoped. “I’m going to let you go now,” she said softly and turned the key.

Merrick slipped out of the cuffs and sat up, rubbing his wrists. “That’s better.” He looked at Elise. “You all right, baby?”

“Fine.” She fought the urge to shrink away now that he was up and free. Images of the dark male shadow standing at the door of her room and Buck growling protectively on her bed tried to rise in her mind but she pushed them back down. Remember how safe you felt in his arms until you started remembering, she told herself. Until the vault started leaking…

“Hey…” Merrick reached out slowly, obviously trying not to startle her, and cupped her cheek. “Are you really okay? Or are you just saying that?”

“I’m all right.” Elise nuzzled against his large, warm palm. “Really I am. Let’s just, uh, get on with the demonstration. Okay?”

“You got it.” He leaned back against the headboard, just as she’d done, with his thighs spread in a relaxed stance. He cupped his shaft in one large hand, fisting it loosely and looked at Elise. “Sure you want me to do this?”

Feeling nervous all over again, she nodded. “Yes.”

“All right. You have to start slow…” He suited actions to words, stroking slowly upwards from the root of his cock to the broad head, still shiny with precum, and then back down again. A low groan rose in his throat and his eyes were half-lidded as he kept his gaze trained on her.

Elise bit her lip at the erotic sight. She’d never been interested in any kind of porn but the image of Merrick slowly stroking himself, his big, capable hand moving up and down his thick shaft was beginning to make her pussy feel like it was on fire. “What…what are you thinking?” she whispered as he continued to work.

“Just looking at you. Thinking how beautiful you are. Imagining…” His deep voice trailed off and Elise found herself looking into his eyes as he continued his performance.

“Imagining what?” she demanded breathlessly.

“Going down on you.” His eyes wouldn’t let her go. “Spreading you wide and licking that sweet, wet pussy I can see between your thighs.”

“Oh!” Elise pressed her thighs together tightly and pulled her knees up to her chin.

“Don’t.” Merrick shook his head. “Don’t do that, baby—don’t hide from me. You’re beautiful.”

Reluctantly, she parted her thighs again—giving him just a glimpse. “Even…even there?”

“Especially there,” he assured her. “And you smell so sweet. Gods, what I wouldn’t give to taste your honey. Don’t worry,” he added quickly. “I know you’re not up for it tonight. But I can’t help thinking about it…thinking about you, while I do this.” He nodded down at his hand which was moving more quickly.

“Oh…” Elise’s heart was pounding so hard it was hard to think what to say. Then she noticed something. “You do have a rhythm. I…I see what you mean now.”

“I’m glad you get it.” Merrick stopped for a moment, his hand still at the base of his cock. “You want to try now?”

“Don’t you want to uh, finish?” she asked hesitantly.

“Do you want me to?” he murmured, his eyes half-lidded as he looked at her. “Do you want to watch me come, baby?”

“Yes.” Elise was nearly trembling now. The lust inside her was rising high, like a tide that might carry her out to uncertain and dangerous seas. But somehow she couldn’t bring herself to retreat from it. “Yes,” she said again. “I want to see you do it. I want to watch you come.”

Merrick started again, moving in time to the internal rhythm he’d spoken of. But though Elise knew she was supposed to be watching his hand, she found her gaze drawn to his eyes instead. Those beautiful, mismatched eyes—one blue and one gold but both blazing with desire for her…only for her. He’s thinking of me. Imagining what he wants to do to me. How he wants to taste me…

Elise knew it was true and still she couldn’t stop looking at him, couldn’t break his gaze. She could feel her breath growing short, almost as if she was the one about to come. Her nipples felt achy and hard and her pussy was so hot she felt molten from the waist down. And then, with a low growl of pleasure that sounded suspiciously like her name, Merrick came.

At last she was able to look away from his eyes. She saw his thick shaft jump in his hand and then the short, hard spurts of creamy white decorated his flat belly. So much! she thought, amazed at how he continued to come. And all that would be inside me. If we…no! Can’t think like that.

Merrick groaned softly and leaned his head back against the headboard. He was no longer coming, but Elise couldn’t help noticing that his shaft was still as hard as ever. Was that normal? Or was it another one of those Kindred things, like the mating fist at the base of his cock?

At last, he sighed. “Gods. Guess I’d better get cleaned up.”

“No, wait.” Elise put out a hand to stop him when he started to get up. “I’ll get a washcloth.”

She ran to the small bathroom and fumbled in her bag for a soft square of terrycloth. It was actually one of the facecloths Olivia had given her but she hadn’t seen anything else resembling a washcloth on the Kindred ship so it would have to do. She wet it with warm water and went back to the bedroom where Merrick was still leaning back against the headboard.

“Thanks.” He held out his hand for the cloth but Elise hung on to it.

“Could I…would you let me do it?”

“Sure, if you want.” He gave her a warm smile. “I told you, baby, touch me anyway and anywhere you want to. I’m fine with it.”

“Thank you.” Elise wasn’t sure why she wanted to do this so much, only that she did. Leaning over him, she stroked the warm washcloth over the flat, muscular planes of his belly, cleaning away the evidence of his pleasure. Then she moved lower, stroking slowly around the base of his still erect shaft. “Why…”” She tried to think how to ask it. “Um, why are you still…”

“Hard?” He gave her a lazy smile. “Kindred trait. We don’t need a recovery period like human males do. We can have multiple orgasms—the same way females can.”

Elise sighed fretfully. “I’d settle for just having one at this point.” Though the hunger wasn’t gnawing her any more, she was still tense with unfulfilled desire and she knew nothing else would take the edge off, or keep the hunger inside her at bay, for any length of time.

“Do you want to try again?” Merrick asked softly. “Did my little, uh, demonstration help?”

To be honest, watching him stroke his cock until he came all over his flat belly had done little but feed the fire of her desire. But Elise didn’t want to admit that she’d been too busy lusting after him to get any helpful technical pointers. “I did see the rhythm you were talking about,” she said cautiously. “I’m just not…not sure how to apply it to my own, uh, situation.”

“Would you like me to help you?” Merrick asked softly.

Elise pressed her thighs together. “I’m sorry, but I just don’t…don’t feel comfortable with the idea of letting you, you know, taste me there.”

“Not like that, baby. Like this.” Slowly, gently, he drew her between his legs so that she was sitting between his thighs. “Now look.”

“Look at what?” Elise protested and then saw that he was pointing to the silvery reflective surface of a viewer, which happened to be positioned on the wall across from the bed. She was surprised to see the two of them reflected in it, Merrick’s large male body surrounding her own slender female form. Her long black hair was tousled, her brown eyes wide, while Merrick’s mismatched eyes were still half-lidded as he looked at her. But despite their differences, they looked right together. Somehow, in a way she couldn’t quite put her finger on, they looked like they belonged. “Oh,” she whispered.

“Oh is right.” Merrick stroked her hair away from her face, giving her a clearer view. “Look how beautiful you are, Elise,” he murmured, pointing to her reflection in the viewer. “How beautiful you are everywhere.”

“What do you mean?” she asked softly.

Merrick didn’t answer with words. Instead he parted her thighs, slowly, gently, but so steadily Elise didn’t even think of trying to stop him. When he was finished she was completely bare, her wet, naked pussy on display in the viewer for both of them to see.

“So fucking beautiful,” Merrick breathed in her ear. His large hands caressed her legs, sweeping up and down her inner thighs but never touching her throbbing center. “Look at your soft little pussy, baby. See how hot and wet and swollen it is. It needs to be touched. You need to be touched.” He kissed her cheek. “Why don’t you try again, but this time, watch yourself. Watch what you do and see what feels good.”

“Watch in the viewer while I touch myself?” Elise felt her cheeks burn with embarrassment, but there was another emotion in her too—desire. Desire so great that the heat of it threatened to consume her from the inside out.

“Why not?” Merrick asked reasonably. “Just try it. Try to get a rhythm going, like I showed you.”

“It’s different for you,” Elise objected. “You have a bigger, uh, instrument to work with. Much bigger.” Despite her protests, she watched as her right hand stole stealthily down between her legs, almost as though it had a mind of its own.

“Slowly,” Merrick cautioned her as she dipped her middle and index finger into the slippery well of her pussy. “Take it slow at first, baby.”

“Yes, I remember.” Slowly, carefully, Elise began to stroke. She could feel the sensitive button of her clit throbbing beneath her fingertips and she shivered as each touch of her own hand sent another shower of sparks throughout her body. God, it felt so good…and yet…” I’m still not getting anywhere,” she said aloud. “I mean, watching you made me feel so…so…”

“So what?” Merrick prompted in a soft growl.

“So aroused,” Elise admitted at last. “So hot I couldn’t think straight. I mean, you’d think I’d go off like a rocket. That I’d be able to come as quickly as you did.”

“It’s not like that with females.” Merrick stroked her inner thighs soothingly. “It takes awhile to build them up. Takes awhile to make them come.”

“Do you know how to do it?” Elise caught his eyes in the viewer. “How to…how to make a woman come? With your hands, I mean,” she added quickly, looking away. “Not…anything else.”

“I know what you mean.” He nodded. “Yeah, baby, I can make you come. Do you want me to?”

Elise felt her cheeks get even hotter. “Oh, I didn’t mean—”

“Yes, you did.” Merrick’s hands stopped stroking and simply rested on her inner thighs. Once more their eyes met and held in the viewer. “Do you want me to touch you?” he asked softly. “Do you want me to stroke your soft little pussy and make you come, Elise?”

Elise couldn’t deny it anymore. It felt good when she touched herself but it felt right when Merrick touched her. It was as though the hunger was demanding more than just an orgasm from her. It was demanding that Merrick be the one to give it to her. Which made sense when she thought about it—after all, the need inside her was coming from the bond she shared with him. And artificial or not, it had to be fed. “I…I think I need you to,” she whispered at last. “For…for the bond. For the hunger.”

“Of course.” Merrick nodded knowingly but she caught the flash of lust in his mismatched eyes anyway. “Of course, baby.” Slowly, tenderly, one large hand slid down her thigh and cupped her trembling mound. Then he was silent.

They sat like that for what seemed like a long time, not speaking with his warm palm just cupping her, until Elise wiggled in anticipation. “When…when are you going to begin?”

“I already have,” he murmured in her ear. “Didn’t I tell you we have to take it slow?” He rubbed her lightly, barely touching the well-trimmed patch of curls at the top of her mound. The soft, barely-there touch sent a shiver through her and fresh wetness to her pussy.

“God, Merrick,” she whispered raggedly. “Please…”

“All right,” he said softly, apparently relenting at last. “But I don’t want to rush this—any of it.” He nodded at the viewer. “Watch while I do this, Elise. Watch me stroke your hot little pussy until you come for me.”

She moaned breathlessly as he opened her, parting her swollen outer lips with his middle and index fingers to reveal her hot pink interior. God, but she was so slick and hot and wet. How could her body be reacting this way? After so many years of complete inaction it was as though she was coming to life in a way she’d never even dreamed was possible. Coming to life and going into overdrive.

“Gently, now,” Merrick whispered in her ear. Slowly he slid one long finger across her slick petals. Elise caught her breath as she felt him stroke her—not on her too-sensitive clit itself, but right alongside it—in a way that made her feel so good she could hardly hold still.

“Oh! Oh, please…” she heard herself moan as he continued that one, slow, simple motion. “Please, Merrick…please!”

“Just watch,” he murmured. Elise could feel his cock throbbing against the small of her back and knew he was as turned on as she was by this gentle, intimate encounter. “Just watch and learn, baby.”

Elise couldn’t have torn her eyes from the viewer if she knew that looking would make her go blind. The sight of herself spread out on his lap as one long, thick finger slid slowly in and out of her swollen folds was almost as mesmerizing as the unfamiliar but instantly addictive sensation of him touching her. “Merrick,” she begged softly. “It feels so good…almost too good.”

“When it gets to be too much, take a little break,” he rumbled. “Like this.” He stopped stroking the side of her clit and his fingers slid down to the entrance of her pussy. “Can I penetrate you, baby?” he murmured in her ear. “Will you let me slide my fingers into your pussy?”

Elise bit her lip. Earlier the very idea of giving him such free access to her body had made her break out into a cold sweat. And no one had put anything inside her since…but she wouldn’t think about that. Not now.

“Yes,” she heard herself saying, glad that he’d asked instead of just assuming it was okay. “Yes, if you go slowly.”

“Of course.” Merrick nodded at her in the viewer, their eyes meeting briefly and she could see that his were filled with unexpressed longing. “Just watch,” he told her again. “Tell me if you want me to stop. I promise I will.”

“O-okay,” Elise stuttered, nodding. “I…I’ll be all right.”

“Yes I know you will, baby. Because I’m not going to let anything happen to you.” He kissed her tenderly on the cheek and then slowly, gently, began to breach her entrance with two long, thick fingers.

Elise moaned breathlessly as she watched them slide into her. She was tight—both from fear and disuse—but so wet and slippery from his earlier stroking that he slid in with surprising ease. But to her surprise, Merrick stopped well before he reached the end of her channel.

“Is everything okay?” she asked, looking at his face in the viewer. “Is everything all right?”

“That’s what I wanted to ask you,” he murmured. “Wanted to make sure. You want me to go all the way? Penetrate you to the core?”

The hot look in his eyes as he asked her and the feel of his fingers halfway buried in her tight but willing pussy made Elise want to squirm and moan shamelessly. Somehow she managed to hold still. “Yes,” she whispered. “Yes, Merrick—take me all the way.”

“I was hoping you’d say that.” With no more hesitation, he slid his fingers deeply into her, finding the end of her channel and pressing gently but firmly, as though claiming her in some way.

Elise moaned at the jolt of pleasure the tender, intimate touch gave her. God, but it felt good—surprisingly good—to open herself to him like this, to let him penetrate her.

Merrick must have been feeling good too because he began talking in her ear. “Look at that baby, look at how deep my fingers are inside you.” He pulled out slightly and thrust in again, making her gasp. “You’re so brave, you know that?” he continued. “So brave to spread your pussy and let me in, to let me fingerfuck you like this.”

His hot, dirty words gave Elise another jolt of pleasure and she moaned and wiggled her hips. She couldn’t stop looking at the erotic sight in the viewer—looking at the huge muscular man who was cradling a much smaller woman in his lap and stroking and penetrating her wet, open pussy with his fingers.

“Merrick,” she begged breathlessly. “Merrick please, I need to come.”

“Don’t worry, baby, you will,” he assured her. Slowly his fingers, now slick with her juices, slid out of the well of her pussy and slipped over her clit. This time he stroked both sides at once, framing the throbbing button between his two thick digits but still managing to never quite touch it head-on. Then he slid down and entered her to the core again, making sure to press deep and hard against the end of her channel.

“Oh…” A long sigh of pure pleasure fell from her lips as he repeated the action again and then again and again, establishing the all-important rhythm he’d talked about as he touched her with just the right amount of gentleness and strength.

Elise couldn’t help herself—she began to move. Reaching out, she gripped his knees and leaned back against him hard, bracing herself. Then, instinctively, she flexed her hips, thrusting her pelvis in time to his strokes as she gave herself up to the pleasure of his thick fingers stroking into her again and again.

“That’s good, baby, real good,” he murmured and she could hear the lust in his deep voice and feel his need for her against her back. “Ride my fingers. Fuck yourself on them.”

Elise did as he said, feeling wanton and wild and sexual in a way she never had before. She could feel the pleasure building as his fingers slipped over her clit and buried themselves to the hilt in her pussy over and over again, could feel her inner muscles clenching, her hands gripping Merrick’s knees as she worked to reach the elusive peak.

The girl in the viewer looked like a wild thing—her long black hair strewn haphazardly over her shoulders, her cheeks flushed, her nipples two hard pink pebbles at the ends of her breasts as she pumped against the big man’s fingers, as she opened herself for the pleasure he gave her…

“That’s right, baby,” she heard Merrick growl. “Work for it. Work hard.” As he spoke, his fingers stroked over her clit once more and thrust deep into her pussy, filling her completely, sending her over the edge at last.

Elise threw her head back and moaned, uninhibited and unashamed as the tidal wave of pleasure washed over her. Oh God, she’d never felt anything like this. Never felt anything even close. It was so good, so incredibly good and right and wonderful and somehow familiar…

And abruptly, it was all too much.

A sudden memory came back to her—a flash going off with blinding intensity in her head.

***

I was in my room, I thought I had the house to myself. I was on the bed, touching myself. It felt good but scary. Scary but too pleasurable to stop…

Then suddenly, the door to her room had been flung open and he had been standing there. “Well, well, well,” he’d said, leering at her in that hungry way that always made her feel like slugs were crawling all over her body, leaving a trail of slime. “Look who’s all grown up and ready to fuck.”

He started to come in the room…if Buck hadn’t come running up the stairs at my call…

She remembered his angry face, his snarl of disappointment as he was denied what he wanted yet again.

“Keep it up, sweetheart. That mangy mutt won’t always be around to get in my way…”

And then I felt so dirty, so wrong. It was the first time I realized it was my fault he looked at me that way. My fault he wanted to…to…NO!

Elise shoved the hateful memory away as hard as she could. She couldn’t think about this now—couldn’t face it, couldn’t bear it. She couldn’t!

***

“Elise? Baby, are you all right?”

She blinked and realized the worried voice belonged to Merrick.

“Okay?” she repeated stupidly.

“Yeah. One minute you were having the time of your life and the next you just kind of spaced out. Fucking scared me.” He frowned worriedly.

Merrick cares. He really cares.

Merrick who was still naked on the bed with her. Who had touched her so gently, so sweetly. Who had made her come and let one of the corpses escape from the vault.

“No,” she said, pushing him away, getting off the bed as fast as she could. “No, I…I don’t feel good. I think I need to lie down—in my own room. Alone.”

And before he could say another word, she grabbed her discarded clothing off the floor and fled.

Chapter Fifteen

“Oh my Goddess…oh no! No!” Lissa stood in the doorway of Minverna’s quarters and stared with horror at the sight that met her eyes.

“What is it?” Councilor Rast came in behind her, his half-spread wings barely clearing the doorway. He’d insisted on coming with Lissa this time, in case the confrontation with the ex-head priestess turned ugly, as it had last time.

And it did, Lissa thought dismally, staring at the stiff body lying in a pool of dried blood. So much uglier than I ever imagined.

“Shit.” The Councilor’s mouth was a hard line and his truegreen eyes were unhappy.

“What is it?” Nadiah was right behind him, trying to see over his wings. “What’s going on?”

“Back. Out. Both of you.” The Councilor shooed both Lissa and Nadiah back out of the room. “Don’t contaminate the scene. Let me look at it.”

Lissa stepped back into the long hallway that ran half the length of the holy mountain feeling numb.

“What is it?” Nadiah asked. “I couldn’t see—what happened?”

“She’s dead.” Lissa buried her face in her hands. “And oh, Nadiah…it looks like…it looks like she killed herself.”

“Killed herself? Surely not!” Nadiah exclaimed. But Councilor Rast’s deep voice confirmed Lissa’s worst fears.

“I’m afraid so. You two can come back in—just don’t touch anything.” Lissa forced herself to follow the sound of his voice and found him kneeling over Minverna’s body with a grim look on his face. “Wish I had a forensics team here to confirm it, but as far as I can see, she shoved a dagger in her eye.”

Lissa’s stomach lurched at the sight of the shiny silver hilt protruding from the ex-high priestess’s unseeing eye. One cold, dead hand was still curled tightly around it, as though she couldn’t bear to let go of it, even in death. “This is my fault! Everything I said to her—everything I did. If it wasn’t for me, she’d still be alive.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.” Nadiah put an arm around her shoulders. “Of course this isn’t your fault, Lissa. Minverna was a very unhappy woman long before you went to talk to her. You can’t blame yourself.”

But Lissa did blame herself—very much. She could still remember the helpless look of anger and hatred on the older woman’s face, could still hear the snarl in her voice as she promised vengeance. But I didn’t know she’d pay me back like this…pay me back in her own blood! she thought wildly.

“Looks like it happened several days ago. The blood’s mostly dry.” Councilor Rast’s nose wrinkled. “And she smells pretty ripe, too. Amazing it’s not worse, considering the heat around here.”

“She must have done it right after our confrontation.” Lissa felt tears welling up in her eyes and tried to hold them back without success. “I can’t believe this. I knew I hurt her but I never thought she’d…she’d do something like this.”

Nadiah tried to comfort her but Councilor Rast was obviously still engrossed in what he had called “the scene.”

“This is the strangest looking dagger I’ve ever seen. Looks like it’s made out of one big silvery diamond or something.”

“Let me see.” Nadiah stepped forward and looked down. “It’s hard to tell since her hand is still locked around the handle but…I think that’s mirror-mere.” She sounded amazed.

“Mirror what?” Councilor Rast looked up with a frown.

“One of the rarest and most expensive substances in the universe. Some people call it a jewel, but it can be molded like metal,” Nadiah explained. “How in the world Minverna got her hands on this much of it, I have no idea.” She gestured at the bloody dagger. “If that’s pure mirror-mere, there’s enough of it there to buy a small planet.”

“Wow.” The Councilor shook his head. “Where would she get the money for something like that?”

Nadiah frowned. “I don’t know…but I have my suspicions.”

“Which are?” He looked at her but she shook her head.

“No, let me do a little more research first. I need to be certain before I speak ill of the dead.”

Rast sighed. “All right. Well, I guess we’d better get this cleaned up.” He looked at Lissa. “Uh, I hate to ask you when you’re so upset, but is there any kind of protocol we’re supposed to follow here? Any customs you have when a priestess dies?”

Lissa nodded, feeling cold inside. “Yes. When a high priestess dies, all the other priestesses have a time of mourning. We cut our hair and go naked—as bare as the Goddess sent us into the world—to show our respect and sorrow.”

Councilor Rast’s eyebrows shot up. “Uh, really? Is that necessary? I mean, she wasn’t high priestess anymore at the time of…of her death.”

“No, but she was high priestess for many years.” Lissa felt like someone had tied a stone to her heart and thrown it into a bottomless well. “I won’t require the other priestesses to do it, but I will myself. I will spend my period of mourning in the desert, alone.”

“Oh Lissa, you don’t have to do that!” Nadiah put an arm around her waist.

The Councilor cleared his throat. “Honestly, I agree with Nadiah. That sounds unnecessarily harsh to me. Not to mention Goddamn dangerous. You could die of exposure out there.”

Lissa lifted her chin. “No, I must do it. It is my duty, and the last respect I can pay to she who was my high priestess for so many years.”

“Lissa—” Councilor Rast began but Nadiah shook her head at him.

“Let me.” To Lissa she said, “Come on, let’s get out of here and talk.”

Nadiah led Lissa away from the gory scene on the floor of Minverna’s room and down the long hallway. They stopped in a small alcove, bathed in sunlight from the gaps cut in the rock wall opposite it. The holy mountain was full of such fissures, cut to let in the light and illuminate the darkness. How the early First Kindred had done it, no one knew—it was a lost technique. However it had been done, Lissa was grateful for the warm light on her face. It helped ease her shivering.

“Now, Lissa,” Nadiah began, but Lissa was already shaking her head.

“I know what you’re going to say, my Lady, but I’m afraid I can’t change my mind. Minverna was my head priestess for years—I owe her this respect.”

“Are you sure you’re doing this out of respect and not guilt?” Nadiah asked quietly. “You had every right to assert your authority with her, Lissa. You told me the things she said to you—they were unforgivable.”

“Perhaps.” Lissa looked down at her hands. “But they were also true. I do still desire what I should not. Still wish for what I must never have.” She looked up at Nadiah. “I can’t tell you how many times I wake in the middle of the night, feeling his touch on me. And how I weep when I find it’s just a dream.”

“You never forget your first love.” Nadiah hugged her consolingly but Lissa shook her head again.

“I should. I must. He is my brother, my Lady. The feelings I have for him are completely unforgivable. And, to everyone else of my clan, unimaginably wrong.”

Nadiah frowned. “How can they be so inflexible? Surely you and Saber can’t be the first ones from the same clan to fall in love!”

“It has happened in the past but only very, very rarely.” Lissa sighed. “It almost never happens since the kinship compound was invented.”

“Kinship compound?” Nadiah frowned. “You said something about that before. What is it?”

“A drug that acts to repress and eradicate inappropriate feelings between clan members,” Lissa explained. “Every infant is injected with it at birth. It works on the hormonal systems of the body, suppressing any feeling of desire that might grow between two members of the same clan.” She sighed. “In fact, intimate physical touch between clan members is supposed to have the opposite effect of what it would between two who are sanctioned to be together.”

Nadiah shook her head. “I’m not sure I follow. So…this shot—this injection—you all get, is supposed to keep you from getting, uh, hot and bothered by another member of your tribe?”

Lissa nodded. “Essentially, yes. The compound is said to cause revulsion instead of desire. It is supposed to have a direct effect on the body—causing a wrongly sexual touch to make one nearly sick with disgust. And the more intimate the touch, the stronger the physical reaction to it.”

“That seems kind of harsh.” Nadiah frowned. “Anyway, I guess it didn’t work with you and Saber.”

Lissa shrugged. “I don’t know if it did or not. I told you, we were not so depraved as to try and touch each other physically. At least, not intimately. We held hands when no one was looking and once or twice he hugged me and kissed my forehead, but nothing more.” She looked down. “I think that’s one reason Saber told me he would be happy to have a nonphysical relationship and only Touch each other with our minds. We were both afraid that a physical touch between us would have the opposite effect—that it would kill our love for each other.”

“Oh, Lissa…” Nadiah squeezed her shoulders, a look of sorrow on her lovely face. “I’m so sorry! So now you’ll never know…”

“If I could have physically touched him or not. If…if I could have received the Deep Touch from him. No, I will never know that.” Lissa sighed. “Sometimes in my dreams he holds me…caresses my cheek…kisses my lips…” She trailed off, feeling her cheeks burn with shame. “Forgive me, my lady. I should not disclose such…immodest thoughts to you.”

“Of course you can—that’s what I’m here for. We’re friends, remember?” Impulsively, Nadiah kissed her cheek. “I keep telling you—you can talk to me about anything and I promise I won’t judge you. My family didn’t want me with Rast either, you know.”

“Yes, but the Councilor is not in any way related to you,” Lissa said softly. “He is not your…your Moch Daer.”

“What does that mean? Moch Daer?”

“It’s a word…a word with many meanings in my culture.” Lissa sighed. “First and foremost, it mean’s ‘older brother.’ But not just any older brother—it means a male you can trust. A protector who holds a special place in your heart. One you love above all others.” She shook her head. “I called Saber that but I didn’t love him as an amalla—as a beloved little sister should, but in a wrong and incestuous way.” She shook her head. “Minverna knew that. She looked into my heart and saw my shame. What she said about me before she…she died was right and true.”

“That’s still no reason to cut off all your gorgeous hair and run around naked in the desert for a month,” Nadiah objected. “Please, Lissa—please reconsider.”

Lissa took a deep breath and shook her head. “I am sorry, my Lady…Nadiah, if my decision causes you pain. But I must do what I feel is right for me.”

“But this isn’t just a gesture of respect for Minverna—it’s some kind of penance you’re trying to do,” Nadiah objected. “You’re torturing yourself for feelings you can’t help having and that’s not right!”

“Forgive me.” Lissa looked down. “Please, my Lady—forgive me as I cannot forgive myself.”

Then she rose and went to her rooms to prepare for her long ordeal in the desert.

Chapter Sixteen

Merrick rapped lightly on Elise’s bedroom door. It was still closed and locked, just as it had been since the night before. “Elise? We’re in orbit and set to land. I’m sorry baby, but you have to come out now. It’s not safe unless you’re strapped in.”

There was a long silence and he began to wonder if she’d heard him or not. He was raising his hand to knock again when the panel slid open and she appeared. Merrick drew in a breath at the sight of her.

She was wearing a long sleeved turtleneck sweater that covered her all the way down to her wrists and completely hid her slender throat from view. Her slacks were also long and thick and she wore black high-heeled boots on her feet.

But though her outfit was strange—not to mention completely inappropriate for the jungle climate of Rageron—it was her face that Merrick was looking at—or trying to, anyway. Her hair was loose around her shoulders, hiding most of her from him. But when she did look up, very briefly, he saw dark circles under her brown eyes and knew she’d been as sleepless as he had, ever since their last encounter.

“Elise?” he asked, making her name a question. “Are you all right, baby?” It was the same question he’d been asking ever since she’d run from him and locked herself in her room the night before. And, to his frustration, Elise gave him the exact same answer.

“Fine. I’m fine.”

She tried to duck under his arm and head for the front of the ship but Merrick caught her and held her, gently but firmly, by the shoulders.

“Enough of this ‘I’m fine’ bullshit,” he said softly. “Why don’t you tell me what’s really going on? What happened last night? Why did you run away from me?”

Her eyes flicked up to his and then shifted away just as quickly. “I…I can’t talk about it.”

“You mean you won’t talk about it.” Merrick frowned.

“No, I mean I can’t.” She looked up at him, her brown eyes pleading. “Don’t you see, if I do, things will only get worse and they're bad enough already. Please, Merrick, can’t we just forget about it and move on?”

“Forget about it?” He looked at her incredulously. “How the hell am I supposed to do that?” He could still feel her in his arms, naked and soft and perfect. Could still hear her moans in his ears, feel the slick, tight channel of her pussy wrapped around his fingers as he thrust deep inside her, making her come so hard…

“Just put it to the back of your mind,” she snapped, interrupting the hot memory. “Put it away and don’t think about it.”

Merrick clenched his jaw. “Is that what you’re going to do with me once all this is over? Put me away and forget about me? Go back to your idiot fiancé and get on with your life?”

“Isn’t that what we’re supposed to do?” she flared at him. “I mean, isn’t that the plan—to go away and never see each other again after the bond is dissolved?”

“Yeah.” Merrick dropped his hands from her shoulders and stepped back, away from her. “Yeah, I guess it is.”

Elise ran a hand though her hair in obvious frustration. “I’m sorry, Merrick. I shouldn’t have said that. But we also shouldn’t have done…what we did last night. I am still engaged, after all.”

He raised an eyebrow at her. “And that’s why you ran last night? Because you felt so guilty about cheating on fucking James?”

“Yes…yes, of course.” But she wouldn’t meet his eyes and Merrick didn’t believe her, not entirely.

“Really,” he said flatly.

“Yes, really.” She finally looked up at him, her face set in an expression of determination. “And I don’t think we should do it again. Or…or anything like it.”

Merrick frowned. “Have you forgotten why we started in the first place? To feed your hunger. To keep you healthy.”

“Yes, I know.” Elise nodded. “But I feel like I got enough to satisfy me last night. More than enough. I think…I think holding hands for the rest of our trip will probably keep me in balance enough that we don’t have to…don’t have to do anything like that again.”

“Is that fucking right?” Merrick felt rage and hurt and desire all rising inside him. Somehow he managed to choke the emotions down, at least long enough to talk. “Let me tell you something, baby,” he said, his voice going hoarse. “Last night was the best fucking sex I’ve ever had in my life and it wasn’t even really sex. You know why that was? Because it was with you.”

Her eyes went wide and then she looked down, biting her lip. “You…you just think that because of the bond,” she whispered. “It’s a fake emotion, like everything else we feel for each other. It's not real.”

“Isn't it?” Merrick demanded. “Because right now I feel like you reached in my chest with that soft little hand of yours and ripped out my fucking heart. How much realer can it get than that?”

“I…I don’t know.” When she looked up again, her eyes were filled with tears. “I’m sorry, Merrick.”

“Yeah, me too.” He shook his head and turned to head for the front of the ship. “Come on, I’ve already called in to the Rageron com tower. They’re expecting us planet-side.”

“Merrick…” she whispered, but he ignored her.

He headed back up front, not waiting to see if she would follow or not.

* * * * *

Elise couldn’t remember the last time she’d felt so completely miserable. Well, other than her time spent on the Fathership, but she hardly thought of that now, it was in the vault, with everything else. Come to think of it, it was getting pretty crowded in there, with all the things she didn’t want to remember. Sometimes she felt like her real life was in there, behind those badly sealed doors and the existence she led now was completely false.

I’m just skimming the surface, she thought looking down at the too-large harness buckling her in place as Merrick landed their ship. Pretending everything is all right, that I have a normal life. I go to work, I come home, I meet James, we mouth empty pleasantries to each other. I go to bed and wake up and do it all again.

Living inauthentically. That’s what they had called her kind of life in a Philosophy class she’d taken once in college. Pretending everything was fine. Ignoring all the hurt and trauma and madness of the past. It was a coping strategy—one Elise was especially good at. But she found it very hard to keep up around Merrick.

For some reason, the big Kindred seemed to bring the pain of her past to the surface. His very presence threatened to crack her inner vault doors wide open and let out the noxious flood that pressed insistently at the small, walled off corner of her mind she’d designated as untouchable, unthinkable. Elise knew she ought to hate him for being the catalyst that threatened to unleash such a horrific flood.

But she didn’t. She couldn’t. In fact, if she were to allow herself to acknowledge the truth—she felt the exact opposite.

I love him, she thought before she could stop herself. But no, that was stupid. It was just their artificial bond talking. Or was it? Could something that felt this painfully real be completely false? She had never felt this much for James. The thought of marrying him and spending their lives together was vaguely pleasant but it didn’t fill her with rapture or longing. And the idea of being without him didn’t pierce her like an arrow straight to the heart.

She cast a sidelong glance at Merrick who was staring straight ahead at the steering yoke, his face a stony mask. I hurt him, she thought and felt a rush of guilt and pain and shame that was nearly incapacitating. After everything he did for me. After he was so patient and kind and loving. After he made himself vulnerable to me—physically and emotionally—I stomped on his heart and threw it away like trash. God, what’s wrong with me?

But she didn’t have to ask that question—not really. After last night it was obvious what her choices were. Get close to Merrick and watch the door of the vault crack wide and let out everything she’d been suppressing, all the memories and hurts and fears she’d been studiously not thinking about for over ten years…or distance herself from the big Kindred and go on living on the surface. Living inauthentically.

The thing was, living inauthentically didn’t hurt the way remembering the past did. Skimming the surface meant she missed a lot of joy…but she missed a lot of pain, too. And Elise just didn’t feel ready to deal with the pain of her past yet. Honestly, she didn’t think she ever would. So she had to keep her distance from Merrick—emotionally and physically. No more hanky-panky. No matter how angrily the hunger roared and raged within her, she was determined that this time she would feed it only enough to keep both herself and Merrick healthy—no more. Holding hands, maybe sleeping close at night—with some clothes on, of course—should take care of her problem, at least until they severed the bond that tied them together. Then she could go back to her life on Earth with James, as though nothing had ever happened.

It was the perfect solution. So why did even thinking about it make her feel like crying?

“Here we are,” Merrick announced and Elise realized they’d finally landed. The scene on the viewscreen had changed from that of a deep blue ball, which was Rageron viewed from space, to the feathery blue fronds of some kind of plant. At least, Elise thought it was a plant. It was hard to be sure.

“All right,” she said as they both began to unstrap themselves from the safety harnesses. “Should we just get our things and go out then?”

“Don’t bring much,” he said briefly. “I’ve arranged to stay with my kin the first night but after that we’ll be trekking through the Deep Blue. Anything you’ve got will just slow you down.”

“Are you related to them on your father’s side or your mother’s side?” Elise asked, trying to make conversation.

Merrick gave her a level look. “Why should you care? It’s not like you’ll ever see them—or me—again, after we get done with this.”

“Merrick, I’m sorry.” Elise longed to explain to him why she was doing what she was doing, but she couldn’t. Any explanation would require talking about the past and she desperately didn’t want to do that. “I’m sorry,” she said again. “But I do care. Please tell me.”

“Fine.” He blew out a breath and ran one large hand over his skull-cut hair. “They’re my father’s kin. His older brothers. They tried to get my mother to stay here after he died but she wouldn’t—she wanted to go back to her home planet of Tranq Prime. I met up with them again when I left there. I stayed here on Rageron for a while, but it’s been years since I saw them last.” He frowned at her. “Now you know a piece of my past. Want to tell me a piece of yours in return?”

Elise shook her head. “No,” she said in a small voice.

“Didn’t think so.” He looked her up and down. “You’re gonna want to change out of those ridiculous clothes, you know. We’re going into the fucking jungle and it’s going to be Goddess-damned hot. You’ll sweat to death in a second in those. Why did you even put them on in the first place?”

Elise bit her lip. How could she explain that she’d put on the least revealing clothes she could find? The set that Olivia’s sister, Sophia, had given her on the off chance they wound up going to a colder world like Tranq Prime? “When you’re with a Kindred, you never can tell where you might end up, she’d told Elise, smiling. And her words were already proving to be true. Elise knew where they were geographically, but emotionally, she was utterly, hopelessly lost. She’d put on the clothes to reveal less, to keep from tempting both Merrick and herself to repeat what had happened the night before.

“Never mind.” Merrick’s face grew hard when she didn’t answer him. “I think I can guess why you put them on. But it’s pointless, baby—I’ve already seen it all, remember?”

With that he turned his back and strode away, leaving her to wonder what the hell she was supposed to wear to go out into the jungle and how she was going to manage a week with him, when they were at each other’s throats all the time.

Chapter Seventeen

“Shuura, Tongs, it’s Goddess-damned good to see you two!” Merrick enveloped his kin in a warm embrace, pounding them on their backs with a fist to show his delight.

The brothers of his father returned the embrace, their golden eyes glowing with fierce joy.

“We thought never to see you again after you left, Merrick.” Shuura, the older of the two spoke quietly. “What brings you back to Rageron after so many years?”

Merrick opened his mouth, trying to think of a way to explain without actually giving anything away, but he was rescued by Tongs.

“Well, he just couldn’t stay away from us. Could you, you little bastard?” It was an affectionate insult which he’d used back when Merrick actually was small compared to the brothers of his father. Now he towered over both of them by more than a foot. But Tongs’ grip on his upper arm was as strong as ever.

It reminded Merrick of when he was a boy and Tongs would challenge him to an arm-wrestling match. He would grunt and strain and gasp and then finally declare that Merrick was just too strong for him and let him win. Merrick had only been a very young child at the time but the game had always delighted him. And he found he was just as delighted to see his kin now, even after so many years had passed.

“Would you introduce us to your female?” Shuura asked and Merrick turned to see Elise standing there at the end of the short gangplank, which extended from the ship like a tongue. She was wearing a much more reasonable outfit—a short dress with straps that went over her shoulders and left her arms bare and a slight pair of open toed sandals. Merrick frowned when he saw those—he’d have to find her some more protective footwear before they went into the Deep Blue. The razor grass would cut her feet to ribbons if she wore those ridiculous things she had on now.

“This is Elise,” he said, lifting a hand toward her. “And she’s not exactly my female but she is under my protection.”

“Pleased to meet you,” Elise said in a soft voice. She stepped forward, holding out her hand. Tongs took it at once and rubbed his cheek against it in the traditional Rageron greeting. He inhaled deeply as he did so. When he released her hand, he raised an eyebrow at Merrick.

“Not your female, hmm? Then why is your scent all over her?”

“It’s a long story,” Merrick growled, feeling a bit less delighted to see his kin. Tongs always had been one to speak his mind.

“And one which should be saved for another time, I’m certain.” Shuura took Elise’s hand and made the same formal greeting. Then he smiled at her. “I hope you’re hungry, my dear. Tongs and I have spent the day cooking and we have a feast fit for a starving yager laid out back at our dwelling.”

“That sounds delightful.” Elise gave him a faint smile. “As a matter of fact, I am rather hungry.”

“Well then, what are we waiting for?” Tongs stepped forward and bowed from the waist, offering his hand.

Elise took it and then gasped in surprise when he immediately swung her up to sit on one of his broad shoulders. “Oh my!” She looked back at Merrick uncertainly. “Um…is this…is he supposed to…”

“Be at ease, my dear,” Shuura said, nodding at her gravely. “Tongs is merely showing you respect.”

“Shuura’s right,” Merrick said, even though the sight of Elise touching another male—even his own kin, in a completely harmless way—made his jaw clench and his stomach tight. “It’s the way they treat honored female guests here on Rageron. Your feet won’t be allowed to touch the ground until we reach their dwelling.”

“Well…” Elise looked down at Tongs who was grinning up at her. “If you don’t think I’m too heavy…”

He laughed. “Too heavy? Of course not—why, you’re tiny.”

Merrick saw the sudden blush that colored Elise’s cheeks and felt his heart clench like a fist. Those had been almost his exact words to her the night before, when he’d invited her to climb up and lie on him. For a moment their eyes met and he knew she was remembering too, was reliving that warm, intimate moment when their bodies and souls had touched and held, when their hearts had been perfectly aligned…

Then she turned quickly and settled herself more firmly on Tongs’ shoulder and the moment was gone. Merrick sighed as they tramped through the blue-green grass at the edge of the landing field back in the direction of town. Gods, what a mess…

Irritated with himself for his misery, he tried to forget about his conflict with Elise and renew his acquaintance with the planet he had once called home. Everything looked the same as when he’d left it—wild and untamed. The people of Rageron weren’t great builders—they believed in changing the natural environment as little as possible. Which was why the path to the town zigzagged around trees and boulders rather than running in a straight line. And why several of the houses had trees growing out through the middle of their roofs.

This was a time-honored Rageron tradition. If a sapling took root in the floor of a dwelling, it wasn’t pulled up and killed. Instead, it was watered and, when it grew tall enough, a hole was cut in the roof to accommodate it. Such a house was considered to be blessed by the Goddess and also the lesser jungle gods, and was much envied by others.

The town was surrounded by all three sides by the jungle and on the fourth it was edged by a wide, murmuring purple-blue river. The vegetation was mostly dusky gray-blue or pale sky-blue with a few lavender and light green flowers. Even the dirt underfoot had a bluish cast to it as did the sunlight flooding down from Rageron’s sun which was a blue dwarf star.

Merrick heard Elise and Tongs murmuring together and saw the brother of his father pointing out the houses with trees growing out of them. No doubt he was acquainting her with the local culture and explaining Rageron customs. His hands clenched into fists at his sides. I should be doing that. She ought to be riding on my shoulder. But by disavowing her as his female, he had automatically relinquished that right. There was nothing he could do but walk silently behind and try not to listen.

“So,” Shuura murmured, breaking the silence. “Do you want to tell me why you’re actually here, Merrick? I’m guessing it isn’t because you missed this place—you were always restless on Rageron.”

Merrick sighed. “I’m restless everywhere because I don’t fucking belong anywhere. As to why we’re here…” He took a deep breath. It would have been nice to be able to keep his purpose from his kin but he would need their help if the mission was to succeed. “As to why I’m here with Elise, it’s because we need to go into the Deep Blue and bring back a skrillix branch.”

“What?” Shuura gave him a look that plainly said he must have lost his mind. “You want to take an unmated female into the Deep Blue and try to rob the Ancient Ones of their most sacred plant?”

“Nobody said anything about robbing,” Merrick growled. “I’ll pay my respects and honor their customs.”

“But you don’t know what that might entail,” Shuura protested. “You may be tested. They may even demand a sacrifice of pain. What will you do about that?”

Merrick rubbed his jaw wearily. “I’ll do whatever I have to do. I’ll take their test and give them what they want. I know it’s dangerous, Shuura, but I have to do it.”

The brother of his father shook his head. “Very well. Then Tongs and I will do our best to help you.”

“Thanks.” Merrick nodded gratefully. He was glad his kin hadn’t asked why he needed the sacred plant—that would have been a bit too awkward to explain. He fixed his eyes on Elise again, swaying gracefully as she rode on Tongs’ shoulder, and tried not to think about what the next step of their adventure might bring.

* * * * *

Elise was charmed by the small jungle town and she had a bird’s eye view of it, riding as she was on Merrick’s uncle’s shoulder. Tongs was an excellent guide, pointing out local landmarks and giving her tidbits of town gossip until she forgot to feel awkward about her precarious perch and just enjoyed the ride.

She was glad she’d changed clothes as Merrick had suggested. The air was warm and muggy and the pale blue sunshine was hot on her bare shoulders. Everything seemed to have a bluish cast to it, from the quaint thatched houses—some with trees growing out of their roofs—to the jungle itself, which surrounded the town like a loosely cupped hand.

Here and there, Elise saw the other inhabitants—all with the same black hair and golden eyes as Merrick’s uncles. There seemed to be more males than females, which she supposed was usual in any Kindred settlement. Their clothing was simple, yet beautiful—a loose, open weave which appeared to be made from some kind of plant fiber.

The garments reminded Elise of macramé and most were the same blue-gray as the rest of the jungle though some had been dyed other, more brilliant colors. She wondered what they thought of her own red sundress and matching sandals. Most of them seemed to be wearing some kind of tough leather boots, maybe for tramping in the jungle.

“Well, here we are.” Tongs came to a stop in front of a tall house with not one but two trees growing through the roof—one coming out of each end of the long structure. The thick blue-gray trunks poked through the thatch, reaching for the sky. Their branches were covered in jewel-like greenish blue leaves so large Elise could easily have used one for a blanket.

“Wow,” she said, honestly impressed. “This is amazing.”

“Our house has been doubly blessed by the Goddess.” Tongs smiled up at her, his white teeth glinting in his dark face. “And now that you’re here, my lady fair, we can count ourselves triply blessed.”

“Very nice, Tongs,” Merrick growled behind them. “But the tour’s over—you can put Elise down.”

“Not until we cross the threshold. Duck,” Tongs said, glancing up at Elise as he opened the rustic wooden door.

She did, but she didn’t have to duck very far. The doorway was high—built on a Kindred scale, just like the ship they’d traveled in to Rageron.

Inside, the house was nothing like what she’d expected. Elise had been sure the interior would be rough and unfinished—like a grass hut or a log cabin. Instead, the house had a natural grace and charm that surprised and pleased her.

On the floor was what looked like a soft blue-green carpet. But when she looked closer, Elise saw it was actually a blanket of tiny flowers and closely clipped grass. The blue-gray trunk of one of the trees that pierced the roof was situated in the middle of the living area and she noted that its branches had been clipped short, probably to keep them from filling the entire room.

The walls were smooth and pale blue and the furniture appeared to have been made from the horns and hides of animals. There were no pictures on the wall although she did see a ferocious looking animal head that looked like a cross between a bear and a bobcat with two-foot long fangs. It was mounted over the archway that appeared to lead to the kitchen and dining area. From where she was, Elise could see the trunk of the second tree was located there. It looked like a circular table had been built around it, making it a focal part of the dining room. It looks like a hunting lodge, she thought. Or some kind of bachelor pad. Indeed, there was a distinctly masculine feel to the space. For the first time, she wondered if Merrick’s uncles lived alone. And if so, why?

After allowing her a long look around, Tongs set her down gently and knelt before her. “Be at ease, my lady fair,” he murmured, looking up at her. “May I remove your shoes?”

“Oh, uh…” She glanced behind her to see Merrick glaring at the both of them. But what could she do? Tongs had been so kind to her she didn’t want to repay him with rudeness. “I guess so, if that’s the, uh, custom,” she said at last.

“My thanks.” Gently, almost seductively, Tongs cupped his big hand under her calf and lifted her foot to slide off her sandal and bare her foot. The move put Elise off balance and she had to reach out and grab his broad shoulder to keep from falling over. “Very nice,” he murmured. He started to lift the other leg but Merrick was suddenly between them.

“That’s enough, Tongs,” he snarled. “Just what the fuck are you trying to prove?”

“What do you think?” Tongs stood and returned Merrick’s glare. “I’m trying to say if she’s your female, you should treat her right. Give her the respect she’s due and don’t deny or disavow her.”

Merrick’s mismatched eyes glowed with fury. “You think I disavowed her because I wanted to?” he demanded. “You think I didn’t want to be the one to carry her on my shoulder, the one to bring her into the dwelling and remove her shoes?”

“Then why didn’t you?” Tongs said sharply. “Your scent’s all over her—and yet you say she’s not yours.”

“It’s my fault.” Elise stepped forward and almost stumbled because she had one shoe on and one shoe off. “Merrick’s scent is on me because he had to help me. I have stasis sickness—the hunger. We…we formed a bond, but it’s not a true bond and…and I’m actually engaged to someone else,” she finished in a low voice, feeling wretched.

“You see?” Merrick said roughly. “She belongs to another—I can’t claim her. We’re only here to get a branch of skrillix to break the bond between us and then we’ll leave.”

“I see.” Tongs nodded stiffly. “Forgive me, Merrick. I didn’t know. I thought you were being discourteous and wasteful of a gift from the Goddess. Now I see it was I who was discourteous.” Nodding, he turned and walked swiftly away, disappearing down a long hallway.

“You must forgive my younger brother,” Shuura said quietly after a door slammed at the other end of the house. “He lost his beloved in a plague some ten years ago, before they could be mated and he mourns her still. He thought…”

“He thought Merrick wasn’t treating me right,” Elise said miserably. “That he was disrespecting me.” When actually, it’s the other way around… She didn’t say the words aloud—she didn’t have to. When she glanced up, she saw Merrick watching her with a pain too deep for words in his mismatched eyes.

He turned quickly away. “I need a drink. You have any fireflower juice around here, Shuura?”

“In the food prep area.” Shuura nodded toward the kitchen. “We have food as well—a feast prepared for your homecoming.”

“Thanks, but I think I lost my appetite,” Merrick growled. “Just give me a drink and I’ll be fine. Elise might be hungry, though.” He raised an eyebrow at her. "Are you, baby? Hungry?”

Elise felt her cheeks heating with a blush. She knew what he was asking and he knew that she knew. “Only…only for food.” She held Merrick’s gaze a moment longer and then turned to Shuura. “I understand you have some very interesting cuisine here on Rageron. I’d love to sample some.”

“Certainly.” Shuura nodded toward the kitchen. “This way. And please feel free to remove your other shoe.”

“Oh, thank you,” Elise began. “I’ll—” But before she could finish her sentence, Merrick had dropped to his knees before her. Without a word he lifted her leg, just as Tongs had, and slid off her sandal. He looked at her a long time, holding her eyes with his. Then he leaned down and dropped a gentle kiss on her knee. “Merrick,” she started but he shook his head. Letting her go, he rose silently and went into the kitchen.

“Oh…” Elise whispered, feeling like her heart was going to break. The look in his eyes, the silent reproach and longing was almost too much to bear. But I have to—I have to bear it, she thought, as the vault rose up in her mind’s eye. No matter how hard it is, I have to be strong…

“Well…” Shuura cleared his throat. “If you’d like to come with me to the food prep area, I’m sure we can find you something tasty for dinner.”

“Thank you,” Elise said dully. “I…I’m sure it will be delicious.”

It actually was delicious, though mostly blue in color, and she and Shuura were the only ones at the table. The plates and bowls were all made of large, thick leaves and there were no utensils—everything was eaten with their fingers. Luckily there was another kind of leaf, which acted as a napkin. Before they started eating, Shuura demonstrated how to wipe each finger clean between courses and then fold the leaf-napkin down so that a fresh, clean area was available for the next time. Then the meal began.

There were pink noodles in a salty, pale blue broth and succulent dark blue meat, which Shuura told her was from the same kind of animal whose head hung on the wall—a xenox, he called it. It was a ferocious carnivore, but its meat was sweet because it fed on the tiny billibs who mainly ate sugar blossoms. There was a side dish of blue and purple roots, which tasted like a cross between a carrot and an onion, and to wash it down, a fizzy purple drink that was tart and sweet at the same time. Shuura assured her it wasn’t alcoholic, which was probably for the best. Elise had the feeling that if she was even slightly drunk, her inhibitions would desert her, leaving her entirely too emotionally vulnerable when it came to Merrick.

For dessert they had a long, narrow squash the length of Elise’s leg. Shuura sliced it open, revealing a surprisingly tender pale green flesh inside, which tasted exactly like apricots dipped in rich dark chocolate.

Elise ate until she couldn’t hold anymore, trying to satiate the growing hunger inside her. It had been awhile since she and Merrick had last touched, and despite her assertion otherwise, her body was beginning to miss him. She wished miserably that they were still on good terms, that she could go to him and admit her need so they could cuddle naked on the bed together, as they’d done the night before.

If we did that, it would turn sexual—I know it would, she told herself. And I can’t have that…can’t risk it. But she had another reason for not going to him. Even if she hadn’t had the integrity of her inner vault to consider, she couldn’t bear to think of using Merrick like that. Of using him to satisfy her own needs and then withdrawing again without giving of herself. I may be a horrible, ungrateful bitch but I won’t turn into a user too. I won’t do that, no matter how much I need him. No, she would just have to grin and bear it and maybe tonight he would hold her hand for a while—that would help some, she was certain.

“…your meal,” Shuura said and Elise realized she’d missed his words.

“I’m sorry,” she said, trying to smile politely. “I…my mind was wandering. What did you say?”

“I said I hope you enjoyed your meal,” Shuura repeated.

Elise nodded eagerly. “Oh! Oh, yes, very much. Thank you—it was delicious. Especially dessert.”

He nodded gravely. “I’m glad you enjoyed it. Although I fear your mind was far away most of the time.”

Elise felt her cheeks getting warm with an embarrassed blush. “Was it that obvious? I’m so sorry—I didn’t mean to be rude.”

“It’s all right, my dear. I can guess what you were thinking of—or should I say, who you were thinking of.” Shuura patted her hand gently. “Merrick.”

“Yes, I was thinking of him,” Elise admitted. “Tell me about him—what was he like as a child?”

Shuura sighed. “As a very young child when his father—my brother—was alive, he was happy, contented—as mischievous a little brat as you could ever hope to meet.” He laughed. “You should hear some of the pranks he pulled. Ask Tongs to tell you about the time…” He shook his head. “But never mind, those days are long gone.”

“But Merrick told me he came here again, after he left the other Kindred world, Tranq Prime,” Elise said, probing for more information. “And the way he talked to me about Tranq Prime—it sounds like he was really unhappy there.”

“Yes.” Shuura took another sip of his fizzy purple drink, which was called foo, if Elise remembered correctly. “He ran from Tranq Prime for a reason. And he can never go back.”

“I don’t understand—is he banned or something?”

“In a manner of speaking.” Shuura shook his head. “I cannot tell you the whole story because I don’t know it. And even if I did, it is Merrick’s tale to tell, not mine.”

“I understand.” Elise took a sip of foo and felt the tiny bubbles run up her nose, as if she was drinking champagne. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to pry.”

“It’s all right. You care for Merrick very much, do you not?”

Elise bit her lip. “I feel like I do, but it might just be the bond between us. It’s artificial and not placed correctly. It gives us false feelings for each other, so…” She trailed off as Shuura shook his head.

“Tell me something—what does your heart tell you? Are your feelings for Merrick false?”

“I don’t know,” she said miserably. “I don’t think so, but it’s hard to be sure. I’ve never felt so strongly for anyone in my life—not even my fiancé, and I’m supposed to marry him in less than a month.”

“I see.” Shuura nodded. “And how do you think Merrick feels for you?”

“I think he cares…maybe he even loves me,” Elise whispered, looking down at her leaf-napkin which she was twisting nervously in her lap. “But I can’t…can’t risk getting too close.”

“Why not?” Shuura raised an eyebrow at her curiously.

“Well…because. I mean, what if once this bond is severed we don’t feel anything for each other anymore? And…and what about my commitment to my fiancé—to James?”

He frowned at her, his golden eyes searching her face. “And these are the only reasons you hesitate to give Merrick your heart?”

Somehow Elise couldn’t look into those golden eyes and lie, so she looked down at her napkin again instead. “Of…of course. I promised to marry James and I need to honor that promise.”

“Honoring such a sacred commitment is very important,” Shuura acknowledged gravely. “The only thing more important is honoring your heart. If you go against it, you’ll be unhappy all your days. And so will Merrick.”

“I know that.” Elise was feeling more and more miserable. “It’s been a long day. Do you mind if I excuse myself to go take a shower? Uh, if you have showers here on Rageron, that is.”

“Certainly.” Shuura nodded. “But I wish you’d think about what I said. Merrick is a hybrid, which means he will probably be unable to form a natural bond with any other female. Maybe the Goddess sent you to him and bound you together in the only way possible so he wouldn’t live out his days alone. Maybe she also intended him for you, and this fiancé of yours, this James, is not the right male for you at all.”

“I guess maybe…” Elise was uncomfortable discussing matters of religion. She had been raised nondenominational but it was clear that the Kindred took their Goddess very seriously.

“Does he—this James—value you as Merrick does? Would he risk his life to give you what you need? Because that will be the case when you and Merrick enter the Deep Blue tomorrow—especially if you meet the Ancient Ones.”

“The Ancient Ones? Who are they?” Elise asked nervously.

“A race of beings which make even the First Kindred look young. They have been on Rageron since the dawn of time and in all those many millennia, they have changed very little. They hold the skrillix to be sacred and guard it jealously.”

“Will they let us have some, do you think? Or will they try to hurt us?” Elise asked. Was this quest she and Merrick were on a suicide mission?

“They don’t usually kill intruders, but they may test you in some way—both of you.”

“What kind of test?” Elise demanded. For some reason the grueling bar exam she’d passed to become an attorney came to mind, but she was pretty sure the Ancient Ones weren’t going to sit Merrick and herself down and grill them on tort reform.

Shuura shook his head mysteriously. “It differs according to what they see in you.” He shrugged. “Then again, you may have the good fortune to find an untended skrillix vine growing outside the Ancient Ones’ perimeter and be able to come home at once.”

Elise shivered. “I certainly hope so!”

Shuura nodded. “If the Goddess wills it, it shall be so.”

“Um…” Elise cleared her throat. “I don’t want to offend you, but I’ve never been a very religious person. I’m not sure I believe in the Goddess.”

“That’s perfectly all right.” Shuura smiled. “She believes in you, my dear. And I firmly believe she has her hand in this present situation. You’ll see.”

“I’m sure I will,” Elise said, trying to smile. “I really would like a shower,” she added, hoping to end the awkward conversation.

“Of course. Forgive me.” Shuura nodded and, to her great relief, dropped the subject.

He showed Elise to a bathroom almost as big as the living area with a miniature waterfall running down one wall. He explained that the water came from the river outside and flowed back into it as well, so nothing but natural plant extracts could be used as soap and shampoo. These could be found in thin stone and glass vessels that looked like minor works of art to Elise. Comparing them with her own plastic shampoo bottles at home, she thought that the Rageron way was better.

With a few twists of some complicated looking levers, the waterfall was heated before it reached the bathroom and then sprayed outward so she didn’t have to hug the wall to get wet. After showing her some large, flat, absorbent leaves, which appeared to be the Rageron version of towels, Shuura left.

Elise took her time in the shower, enjoying the warm spray over her back, and experimenting with the various plant extracts for cleaning her hair and body. They lathered up beautifully and smelled like an exotic garden in full bloom. Like having the rainforest in a bottle, she thought.

At last she had to admit she was procrastinating—putting off the moment when she would have to dress and go find Merrick. The hunger was like a dull pain in her gut and although she refused to use him simply to satiate her need, she couldn’t help hoping that he would make the first move. She wouldn’t ask for help but if he offered it, she knew she wouldn’t refuse it—she simply wasn’t strong enough.

Finally she couldn’t put it off any longer. Drying off, she pulled on a guest robe Shuura had thoughtfully left her. It was made of some puffy plant fiber which made her feel like she was wearing a coat made of very soft dandelion down. There were slippers to match but they were much too large for her feet. In the end Elise decided to just go barefoot. The grass and flowers carpet was so soft under her bare feet it was like walking on a cloud.

She had opened several doors searching for Merrick without success when Shuura came up noiselessly behind her.

“If you’re looking for Merrick, I put him in the guest sleeping area. It’s just in here,” he said, motioning to a door farther down the hall. “Come.” He opened the door and ushered her inside.

As she stepped into the room, Elise saw that Merrick was lying on his side on a low bed, only about six inches from the ground. Beside him, on the floor, was a bottle half-filled with some milky white liquid which filled the room with a faintly sweet scent.

“Thanks for showing me,” Elise murmured, trying to keep her voice low.

Shuura laughed. “If you’re whispering so you don’t wake him up, don’t bother. Anybody who’s had that much fireflower juice is going to be out of commission for a good long while.”

“Really?” Elise looked at Merrick uncertainly. “You mean he’s drunk?”

“Not drunk so much as deeply asleep,” Shuura said. “But don’t worry—one good thing about fireflower juice is that it doesn’t result in a hangover the next day. So Merrick should be in fine condition to start your trek into the Deep Blue.”

Actually, Elise hadn’t been thinking about the next day so much as her hope that Merrick would make the first move and touch her. Now it looked like that hope was dashed. She would just have to accept that it was going to be a very hungry night.

“Thanks,” she said to Shuura again. “Well, I guess I’d better get to sleep.”

“I guess you should. Good night, my dear.” He nodded in a courtly way and then left, shutting the door behind him.

Elise sighed as she climbed into the low bed. Well, there was nothing to do but go to bed and try to sleep…if the gnawing hunger would let her, that was. It was growing by the hour and she could tell that soon it would turn sexual, as it had before. What was she going to do then? She didn’t want to think about that. Didn’t want to consider what new skeletons another sexual encounter with Merrick might bring out of her vault.

Don’t think about it then. Just sleep. She tried but it was no good—the hunger screamed inside her like a living thing, snarling like a beast that demanded to be fed. If only I could touch him. Even if I just rolled over on my side and spooned him, wrapped my arms around him from behind…no. Elise shook herself, angry at her own weakness. That’s taking without asking. I’m not going to do that. I won’t be that person.

Feeling tired and depressed, she curled up on her other side with her back to Merrick and closed her eyes, waiting for exhaustion to claim her. But though she felt physically, emotionally, and mentally worn out, sleep was a long, long time in coming.

Chapter Eighteen

Merrick woke to the cool blue light pouring through the window slits high on the far wall and thought, “Home.” Or as close to home as he ever came, anyway. He felt momentarily disoriented. What was he doing back on Rageron, anyway? Then he heard a slight stirring behind him and felt a sharp pang of hunger through the artificial bond. Oh right—Elise. The bond. The skrillix.

Artificial or not, the pain she was feeling came through the bond loud and clear and Merrick’s first impulse was to roll over and take her in his arms. He started to do just that…and stopped, remembering the night before.

Despite the fireflower juice, he’d still been awake when she and Shuura came into the room. When Shuura had said he must be asleep, he’d almost spoken up, but then something occurred to him. He knew that Elise was dead set against touching him while he was awake and alert—as long as the touching might lead to something else. But maybe if she thought he was asleep, she would reach out to him.

It was a stupid hope, and he felt angry at himself for being weak enough to have it. But he couldn’t help it. Though he wasn’t afflicted with the hunger that tormented Elise, he still craved her touch, every bit as much as she craved his.

So he lay in the darkness, unmoving, waiting to feel her soft little hand on his skin, hoping against hope that she would come to him if she thought he was asleep…if she didn’t think he was a threat to whatever secret she was keeping from both him and herself. He waited for hours, feeling Elise’s hunger intensify until it was an actual physical pain. But despite the way it had to be ripping her apart, she wouldn’t come to him—wouldn’t even put a hand on his arm. It was as though the few inches between them on the bed was a chasm she couldn’t or wouldn’t cross.

Finally, he’d drifted off to sleep, still untouched. And he’d woken up the same way.

So stupid, Merrick told himself angrily as he blinked in the early morning light. I’m such an idiot, loving a female who doesn’t love me back. Wanting one who’s already spoken for. But the connection between them that one night Elise had let down her guard had been so intense…so right…

Forget it. Forget her. It’s what she’s trying to do with you, isn’t it?

He knew it was true and yet the urge to turn over and hold her was still so strong he had to clench his hands into fists and tense his spine to keep himself in place, to keep himself away…

“Good morning.” Elise’s light, feminine voice cut through the tangled net of desire, anger and longing. “Are, uh, are you up?” She touched him very lightly on the arm and then withdrew at once, as though his skin was red hot and might burn her.

Merrick sighed and did his best to stow the disturbing emotions away. They were going into the Deep Blue today. He needed to be on point—not distracted by his own stupid lovesick feelings.

“Yeah, I’m up.” He sat up and swung his legs out of bed, keeping his back to her. “I, uh, didn’t hear you come in last night. Did you sleep well?” The lie felt wrong in his mouth but he wasn’t about to admit he’d lain awake half the night waiting for her to touch him.

“Like a log,” she said lightly.

Liar, thought Merrick. He’d heard her turning restlessly beside him for hours and he could hear the strain in her voice now, no matter how she sought to hide it. But he was through confronting her. If she wanted to pretend nothing was wrong, fine, he’d play along.

“Good to hear it,” he said aloud. “I’m going to grab a shower and then we can get first meal before we go.”

“Great. I’m starved.”

“Really?” Merrick turned to her at last and gave her a penetrating look. He could see at a glance how tired she looked. The dark circles were back under her warm brown eyes and he could feel the hunger rushing through her like a wildfire. She was literally burning with need. But it was clear she wasn’t about to admit it.

“Yes. Breakfast, er, first meal sounds great.” She tried to smile with little success. “Dinner last night was delicious. It’s too bad you missed it.”

“Yeah. A real fucking shame,” Merrick growled. He looked at her hard for a moment longer and at last she had the grace to drop her eyes. But she said nothing. Asked for nothing. Merrick ached to hold her. He told himself if she even lifted a hand to reach out to him, if she twitched so much as a finger in his direction he would take her in his arms and give her what she so clearly and desperately needed.

Elise didn’t move.

He sighed and got up. “Well, I’d better get that shower. We need to get going if we’re going to make any headway before dark.”

“Of course.” Elise wrapped her arms around herself and shivered. “I guess I’ll get dressed. I had my shower last night.”

“Yeah, I smelled…I mean, I can smell Shuura’s special plant wash on you.” Merrick cleared his throat. “Well, I’d better…”

“Yes, of course.” She nodded quickly and he couldn’t help thinking that she wanted him gone.

“See you at first meal,” he growled, and left.

* * * * *

Breakfast passed in a blur of new foods—exotic fruits and some sweet, fresh bread that tasted like oranges and almonds to Elise. She knew she would have loved every bite if the hunger hadn’t been gnawing at her so severely. She wondered if Merrick felt it too—if he sensed it through their bond as he had before. From the penetrating look he’d given her, she was sure he did. But he said nothing about it and she was too proud to mention it herself.

Elise wondered how long the standoff could go on. She wasn’t at the point of hurting him or herself yet. Maybe he would wait until she was in danger before he confronted her again. If only he would reach out to her, hold her hand across the table…but Elise made herself stop thinking that way. She was too afraid to touch Merrick and he was too angry and hurt to touch her. There was no way around it—at least not right now.

After the meal, Shuura and Tongs presented them with supplies and new clothing. “You can’t possibly wear what you had on yesterday into the jungle,” Shuura explained, as he pressed the pile of folded garments into Elise’s arms. “Red won’t do in the Deep Blue and your feet would be cut to ribbons by the razor grass in five steps.”

“Okay.” Elise looked down at the clothing he’d given her. It appeared to consist of a short sleeved, gray-blue tunic made of the same open-weave macramé pattern she’d seen the natives wearing, some black pants, and tough-soled blue leather boots.

“Well, go in your room and put them on,” Tongs urged. He seemed to be in a good mood again, as charming this morning as he had been before the misunderstanding with Merrick the night before. “We want to see you go native.”

“All right.” Trying to smile, Elise did as he said. There was no underwear included in the set so she left her own bra and panties on. They were another gift from Olivia—crimson with black lace. She wondered uneasily if the color would be a problem, but there was a short undershirt of some soft, cotton-like material that went with the tunic so at least her bra didn’t show through the weave. Oh well, she probably wasn’t supposed to wear red because it would show up too much in the blue jungle.

After she dressed, she turned to her new footwear. There were no socks but the boots fit beautifully, molding instantly to her feet in a way that told Elise this was no ordinary leather. She wondered if it was some Kindred invention—as genetic traders, she knew they often modified organic items to fit their needs. The boots came up to her knees, going over the tight black pants and protecting her shins as well as her feet.

When she came out of the room, she got a shock. Merrick was standing there, wearing a male version of her own outfit which he somehow managed to make look completely masculine, despite the delicate macramé-looking vest which left his arms bare. But it wasn’t his clothing that shocked her—it was the fact that his face, arms, and head were painted a deep, indigo blue. His mismatched eyes looking out of the strange mask would have frightened anyone else to death but Elise was simply puzzled.

“What…why…” she began but he simply motioned her over and dipped two fingers into a pot of indigo paste.

“Camouflage,” he said, as he began to smear the cool, faintly medicinal smelling stuff onto her cheeks. Elise started to protest but he gave her a stern look. “Hold still. As pale as you are, you’d stand out a mile in the Deep Blue. This is urgot paste. It’ll keep the bugs off too.”

Elise stood submissively and let him work on her, closing her eyes the better to savor his touch. To be honest, she wouldn’t have cared what he was smearing her with, as long as she got to feel those big, warm hands on her while he did it.

She wondered if Merrick knew how much she needed this, how soothing it felt to have his hands on her. He certainly seemed to be taking his time, smoothing the paste over her face and throat in long, gentle strokes that couldn’t help but remind her of the way he’d touched her pussy…the way he made her come so hard…

The moment the thought entered her mind, the hunger changed, blooming into full-blown lust. Stop thinking of that, Elise told herself, shifting uncomfortably. There’s nothing sexual about this. Merrick is just trying to get me ready to go.

Oh, you’re ready to go, all right, whispered a little voice in her brain. So fucking hot and ready to go you’re about to jump his bones right here, in front of his uncles.

That’s right, Elise remembered, Shuura and Tongs were both standing off to one side, silently watching Merrick coat her with the blue paste. Could they smell her heat, the way Merrick seemed to be able to? Was she putting out signals to the whole room about how hungry she was? An embarrassed blush heated her cheeks and she war grateful that it was invisible under the paste.

“That’s enough,” she snapped, stepping away. “I can do the rest myself.”

The look on his face had been almost open but now it snapped shut again, his eyes going hard and his jaw set. “Fine.” He shoved the pot of blue paste at her. “But hurry, we don’t have all Goddess-damned day.”

Elise smeared the rest of her exposed flesh with the paste, feeling miserable. Why did everything between them have to turn sexual? Why, when letting those feelings come to light was exactly what she was trying to avoid? Inside her the hunger roared like a starving animal which had been given a single bite of life-sustaining food and then deprived of the rest. God, how long could she stand this? As long as I have to, she thought desperately.

She handed the pot back to Merrick silently and he stowed it in the backpack he was wearing. “Well…” He gave her a long look. “Guess we might as well go.”

Elise nodded. “Yes, I guess so.”

“We’ll walk you to the edge of the jungle,” Shuura said diplomatically. “After that, you’re on your own.”

They left the house with its two roof-piercing trees and walked through the town. The native Ragerons watched them silently but every now and then, one of them would touch a single finger to their forehead, lips, and heart and then point to the jungle. The fourth time this happened, Elise asked for an explanation.

“They know you’re going into the Deep Blue,” Tongs explained in a low voice as they walked.

“How would they know tha—oh, the camouflage. Of course,” Elise murmured. To be honest, she’d almost forgotten she was wearing the blue paste. It seemed to be reaching a powder-like consistency as it dried, almost like the mineral foundation powder she put on when she wore makeup. There was no doubt it was still there, but it was so light she barely felt it.

Another native made the signal Elise had asked about and Shuura spoke up.

“It’s a gesture of respect and protection. I can’t really translate it very well but essentially it means, ‘May the Ancient Ones listen to your mind and heart as well as the words that pass your lips.’”

“Why would they want the Ancient Ones to do that?” The idea of some strange, older-than-God beings getting into her head and listening to the desires of her heart made Elise shiver. She’d had enough of having someone rifle through her private thoughts and memories when she’d been captured by the AllFather, thank you very much.

“Because most people are fucking idiots and what comes out of their mouths is stupid garbage,” Merrick growled. “But the Ancient Ones can read people—figure out their true thoughts and intentions. That ability probably kept more than one fool who wandered into the Deep Blue alive.”

“Are we really going to meet them in there?” Elise felt a cold fist clench in her gut. “How dangerous are they, anyway?”

Merrick turned to study her for a moment. “Very fucking dangerous, but don’t worry, we’re going to try to avoid them. If they find us, keep calm and let me do the talking.”

“But what if they want to do more than talk?” she demanded.

Merrick gave her a long, level look. “If they attack, I’ll protect you. With my life, if necessary.”

Elise felt sick. “Oh, you don’t have to—”

“Yes, I do,” he snapped. “You’re my responsibility. My female to care for and protect…at least until our bond is broken and I have to hand you back over to that son-of–a-bitch who didn’t even know you were missing until after I found you.”

His words struck home in a way that really hurt. It was true—James hadn’t even known about her abduction until long after she’d been rescued. “Leave James out of this,” she flared, put immediately on the defensive.

Merrick stopped walking and turned to her. “I’d be happy to, baby. But even if I did, he’s not the only thing standing between us, is he?”

“I…” She opened her mouth to reply and closed it again when she realized they had all stopped walking and were standing at the edge of the dense gray-blue vegetation that marked the beginning of the jungle. “Are we here?” she asked, ignoring Merrick and turning to Shuura instead.

“Indeed we are, my dear.” He smiled at her and made an expansive gesture toward the jungle. “Go and may the Goddess go with you.”

“Thank you,” Elise said faintly. “It was very nice to meet you.”

“And you, my lady fair.” Tongs smiled and captured her hand. He rubbed it against his rough cheek as he had when they first met before relinquishing it. “I hope to see the two of you alive and in one piece again very soon.”

“We’re shooting for a week,” Merrick said shortly, apparently deciding to ignore his uncle’s courtly gestures. “If you don’t see us after then, assume the worst. I won’t ask you to come looking for us…”

“You don’t have to,” Shuura said quietly. “If you’re not back in one solar week from today, we’ll come.”

Tongs grinned. “Exactly. I don’t know if we’ll find anything, but we’ll at least look.”

“Thank you.” Merrick nodded formally. “I’m not asking for myself but for Elise. She must be returned in time for her joining ceremony. I swore an oath that it would be so.”

“We’ll make sure you haven’t given your word falsely,” Shuura said. “And now you’d better go.”

“As should we,” said Tongs.

“Goodbye,” Elise said but both of them had turned away. As she watched, they left without looking back once.

Merrick obviously saw her puzzled look. “What—did you expect them to wait around and watch us walk off into the sunset?” he asked roughly.

“Well, I thought they might at least have waited until we were out of sight.” Elise frowned. “After walking us all the way here it just seems like such an abrupt parting.”

Merrick shook his head. “It’s bad luck to watch someone you care about walk into the jungle—it means you won’t see them walk back out again. Come on—we need to make some miles if we’re going to reach the Deep Blue before dark.”

Elise followed him into the jungle as he strode ahead, apparently following a path only he could see. “But I thought this was the Deep Blue,” she protested, ducking to keep a springy branch from slapping her in the face.

“Not even close, baby.” Merrick threw a glance over his shoulder. “This is just the town’s backyard. You’ll know it when we get to the Deep Blue.”

“How? How will I know?” she asked, scrambling over a huge fallen tree which Merrick simply stepped over.

“You’ll know,” he murmured and would say no more.

Chapter Nineteen

They walked for hours in silence, Merrick following the scent trail through the blue-gray leaves with Elise close behind. He could feel her hunger growing with every step but he studiously ignored it. They weren’t at the danger level yet and he was in no mood to be rejected again.

He ached when he thought of how she’d pulled away that morning when he was only touching her face. There had been nothing sexual about that touch—nothing threatening or frightening. Elise had even seemed to enjoy it at first. Then he’d felt the hunger turn into something else—something more intense—and suddenly she went stiff as a board and jumped back as though his fingertips on her skin had burned her.

What the fuck? Merrick thought angrily, shoving the thick vines and creepers out of the way and holding a springy branch of soothoom bush back so it didn’t slap Elise in the face. What the hell does she want from me? Now I can’t even touch her non-sexually, even though she needs it so bad she was about to go fucking crazy back there. Though he hated to admit it, her constant hunger was affecting him too—making him short tempered and irritated at every little thing. It was like an itch he couldn’t reach to scratch, not to mention a constant reminder of her absolute rejection of him.

Why was she acting like this? Did she really care that much about her stupid fiancé? Yes, she’d agreed to join with him, but from what Merrick had seen, there didn’t seem to be much of a connection between them—nothing like what he and Elise shared. Of course, that was from an artificial bond, he reminded himself. Could that be the reason she was keeping her distance? The fear that everything they had would go up in smoke the minute the bond was dissolved? Or was there a deeper, darker reason, as Merrick had long suspected? What happened to you, baby? he thought, casting a quick glance over his shoulder to see her trudging along behind. Who hurt you and what did he do?

He had a billion questions but Elise’s stubborn silence offered no answers. She didn’t even speak when they stopped along the way several times for a brief rest and a drink from the water bottles Merrick carried in his pack. Since she remained obstinately quiet, he maintained a stony silence as well.

He’d packed light for the journey—just the water, some nutrition-dense dried protein strips, and a first aid kit. Anything else would slow them down and the jungle could provide almost everything they needed if they knew where to look—and Merrick did. He’d spent hours out here after fleeing from Tranq Prime, wandering, lost in more than one way and trying to come to terms with what he’d done and what he’d seen. He felt the old pain like an ache beneath his ribs and stroked his scar thoughtfully, as though trying to rub the memories away. Gods, he tried not to think about those days but he couldn’t help it now—the jungle brought everything back all too clearly…

“What are you thinking?” Elise asked, breaking the silence for the first time in hours. “Why have we stopped? Is this it?”

Merrick frowned and looked around. He’d lost the trail and his feet had automatically stopped walking. The vegetation around them had gotten considerably denser and darker but it still wasn’t the solid indigo of the Deep Blue.

“Not yet,” he said aloud, frowning. “Hang on—lost the fucking trail.” He lifted his head and sniffed, trying to pick it up. There were two possible ways it could have gone but if he picked the wrong one, they’d wind up right back at the town and have to start all over again. He sniffed harder but all he could catch was Elise—her heat and need invading his senses, making him crazy. No fucking good. I have to get away to find the path or I’ll screw this up for sure. “I need to scout ahead,” he told her. “And I need to go by myself—have to concentrate. You’ll have to stay here.”

“I can be quiet,” she objected.

“Yeah, I know,” he growled impatiently. “Very fucking quiet—you proved that all afternoon. But it’s not your noise that bothers me.”

Elise put a hand on her hip, glaring up at him. “So what does bother you about me?”

Merrick ran a hand over his head. You want the short version or should I recite the whole fucking list? He managed to keep himself from saying it out loud—barely. “Your scent,” he said briefly, instead. “It confuses my nose—I can’t find the trail with you hanging around so close.”

“My scent? Are you saying I stink?” she demanded.

“No,” Merrick snarled, finally losing it. “You smell hot. Your hunger…your need…they’re coming through loud and clear, baby. I can feel it through the bond…see it in your face. And now it’s hanging in the air like a Goddess-damned cloud of perfume. You’re so hungry you’re practically in heat but you won’t fucking admit it!”

Elise opened her mouth to reply, but Merrick didn’t give her a chance to say anything. Suddenly, the thin thread of self control he’d been holding on to all day snapped. Grabbing her around the waist, he lifted her and pulled her in for a fierce, hungry kiss.

At first she fought him, beating against his chest with her small hands and trying to get away. But Merrick wasn’t about to let go. He’d promised himself he wouldn’t take her by force—but this much, he permitted himself. This kiss, this touch, was what Elise needed—what they both needed, so desperately it was about to tear them apart.

Then, suddenly, she was kissing him back, her arms looped around his neck and her lush lips open, welcoming the invasion of his tongue. Merrick groaned low in his throat and took her offer readily. Gods, she tasted so sweet, felt so right in his arms… Despite all the holding and touched they’d done before Elise had begun to shy away from him, this was their first kiss. And somewhere in the back of his mind he realized it might be the last. He wanted to make it count.

Easing up on the intensity some, he stroked her tongue with his, savoring her sweetness, and then sucked tenderly at her bottom lip. His shaft was hard as a rock and throbbing for release inside his pants, but he refused to rush. He held her to him, one hand cupped under her full ass, and threaded the fingers of his other hand through her long black hair, pulling her closer, letting her know through his gentle, persistent touch how much he needed her.

Turning the oral assault into a gentle caress had the desired effect—Elise moaned softly and melted in his arms. Merrick could feel her hunger turn to lust, could smell her sweet, feminine scent intensifying and he knew she was getting wet. Gods, what he wouldn’t give to peel down the tight black jungle-pants she was wearing and expose her hot little pussy. He wanted to touch her again, wanted to slide his fingers deep into her slick channel and stroke her soft, slippery petals until she moaned his name.

But even more than that, Merrick yearned to taste her. He imagined parting her thighs and burying his face between her legs, learning her taste with his tongue, lapping her wet little cunt until she quivered and clawed his shoulders, until she came all over his face again and again…

Suddenly he realized he was right on the edge of losing all control. If he didn’t stop kissing her right now, he wouldn’t be able to stop. He wouldn’t rape her—that was out of the question. But the need to taste her, to get his tongue inside her and lap her sweet nectar would be too great to be denied. And she doesn’t want that…I know she doesn’t. I can’t…I can’t…

With a grim effort, he broke the kiss and pushed her away. Before she could even cry out in protest he put her down on her feet and took three big steps away. Then he turned away from her and breathed deeply, trying to get the rich, growing smell of the jungle into his lungs, trying to erase the maddening scent of her desire. He became aware that he was panting, his chest heaving and his heart pounding in his ears. Behind him, he heard Elise panting, too.

“What…I don’t understand,” she said at last. “Why did you—”

“Because you fucking needed it,” Merrick growled, turning to face her. He was beginning to feel more in control, but he still didn’t trust himself any closer to her. Now more than ever he needed to get away, to find the trail and clear his head. He lowered his voice and looked her in the eyes. “And because I needed it too,” he admitted. “Don’t forget, baby, we’re in this together.”

She bit her lip, which looked swollen and tender from their frantic kissing. “I know. I’m sorry.”

“Next time, ask.” Merrick ran a hand over his head and blew out a breath, trying to reign in his frustration and need, trying to ignore the hunger he felt still burning just below the surface of her mind. “Just ask and let me give you what you need.”

“I…I can’t.” Her face was a mask of misery. “I’m sorry, Merrick, I just can’t.”

Frustration gripped him again and shook him like a rough fist. “Then I guess it’s going to be a long fucking week in the jungle,” he snarled. “You stay here on the trail—I have to find the scent again. I’ll be back in five minutes—ten tops.” He glared at her sternly. “Whatever you do, don’t move from the trail—it’s the only safe place.”

Then he turned and plunged into the jungle, running away when what he wanted more than anything was to gather her in his arms and kiss her again. Kiss her until she came to her senses and let him give her what they both needed so very badly.

* * * * *

Elise stood there, stunned, not knowing what to say or do for an entire minute after he left. Her entire body felt overheated and her heart was pounding so hard it felt like it was shaking her entire body. I’m going into meltdown, she thought and on the heels of that, Hell of a first kiss!

She never felt like this when James kissed her—which he only did rarely, to be honest. Never felt like her knees might collapse at any minute or heard her blood rushing in her ears or saw stars dancing before her vision.

God, am I about to faint? What’s wrong with me? She stumbled for a moment, feeling strangely physically disoriented. Had the kiss really been that intense? Maybe…or maybe it was simply the hunger finally letting up some. That was an incredible relief—Merrick was right, she’d needed the kiss he gave her badly.

But the kiss…he kissed me…the vault… She waited tensely for a moment but for some reason, the undead denizens of her inner vault were silent. Why? Because, a soft voice whispered in her mind. He never kissed me. It wasn’t about that for him. It was all about pain…domination…No!

Elise shut out the voice quickly, but she had her answer. As deliciously sexual as the kiss she’d shared with Merrick had been, it hadn’t aroused the demons from her past—for which she was incredibly grateful. She wondered if she dared kiss him again…and if she could make him understand that kissing was all she could do. She didn’t dare risk more, but another kiss…that might be doable. Very doable…if he wanted to kiss her, that was. The angry, hurt look in his blue and gold eyes was etched in her memory. I’ve treated him very badly, she thought miserably. I wouldn’t blame him if he never wanted to lay eyes on me again…let alone kiss me.

She looked down at her blue leather boots, scuffing along in the verdant greenery—or perhaps bluery was a better word—of the jungle floor, and realized that she was in a different place than she’d been a few moments ago. These creepers with the pale orange flowers—I don’t recognize them. Where did they come from? Where am I?

Elise looked around herself and confirmed her fear—she’d been so deep in thought that she’d absentmindedly wandered away from the spot Merrick had left her. His last words echoed in her head, “Whatever you do, don’t move from the trail—it’s the only safe place.” But where was the trail? It was apparently some kind of scent that he’d been following—a scent he’d lost because of her. But what did it smell like?

Lifting her nose, Elise inhaled deeply, drawing in a lungful of the damp jungle air. It was hot and humid here, no doubt—but as a Florida girl, she was used to the subtropical climate. What she couldn’t get used to was the idea of using her nose to lead her through it. A variety of strange and enticing aromas caught her attention, but none of them seemed to mean anything. Although there was one scent that seemed interesting…

Inhaling again, Elise attempted to isolate it. Yes, there it was again—a scent that was a cross between honeysuckle, cinnamon, and freshly baked bread. Weird, but also delicious. Could this be the smell of the trail? Almost unconsciously, she began to drift toward it—and the closer she got, the better it smelled. Was it possibly there was a Kindred version of Krispy Kreme around here somewhere? Elise’s mouth watered for a hot glazed donut. It was silly, but the scent just smelled so damn good.

At last she found the source of the smell. It appeared to be coming from a small clearing in the jungle—very small, in fact—only about five feet across. The little, roundish patch was covered in long, pale pink grass—much different from the blue-gray color that dominated the rest of the jungle. From the pink grass, tiny bell-shaped flowers sprouted. The flowers seemed to come in every pastel color imaginable—pale blue, mint green, lavender, peach, cotton-candy pink… To Elise they looked like they were made out of frosting—like something you might find on a very imaginative wedding cake. Though she knew they might be poisonous, she couldn’t help wondering if they tasted as good as they smelled. Not that she would actually try one…

And then she saw something that made her forget all about the flowers.

There was a rustling sound in the grass and a small animal about the size of her hand suddenly appeared among the pale pink blades. At first Elise shrank back, uncertain of what it was—a snake? Some kind of big bug? But no…the animal came closer and she saw she’d been wrong. This was no terrifying jungle creature, slithering toward her, poised to strike and ready for the kill. This was a…

“My Little Pony!” Elise breathed.

It was true—the tiny animal looked almost exactly like the plastic retro toys Elise had played with as a little girl. It was a bit shaggier, to be sure but when it tossed its miniature mane and let out a clear, bell-like whinny, the resemblance was unmistakable.

As though the first creature’s call had been a sign that the coast was clear, several other tiny ponies appeared and began moving around the pink patch of grass. Like the flowers they were grazing on, they came in a variety of pastel colors. In fact, as Elise watched she saw that they seemed to prefer eating the flowers that corresponded to their own color—the mint-green pony only ate green flowers, the lavender pony only ate purple ones, and so on.

Enchanted, she dropped quietly to her knees, taking care to go slowly so as not to startle the small creatures. All thoughts of the trail and Merrick’s warning were completely forgotten—her entire attention was centered on the tiny ponies.

As an experiment, she found a pale blue flower that was growing close to her foot and plucked it. Then, still moving very slowly and quietly, she held the tiny, sweet smelling blossom out to the pale blue pony.

“Here, sweetie,” she murmured in a low, coaxing voice. “Come on, come a little closer…”

The pony put its head to one side almost like a dog and considered her in what appeared to Elise to be a very intelligent way. Then, apparently deciding she wasn’t a threat, it trotted forward and delicately took the flower from her open palm. As it munched contentedly, Elise dared to stroke its tiny, arching neck very gently with just her fingertips. The pale blue pony tossed its head and neighed, then appeared to decide it liked her attentions. Turning, it nudged her hand as if asking for more.

Elise was delighted. “You like that, huh, pretty boy?” she said softly. “Would you like another?” Gently, she stroked the pony again and then offered it another flower, which it took with no hesitation at all.

By this time, the other miniature ponies were becoming interested in Elise. They came forward tentatively, sniffing at her blue leather boots and then happily accepting the flowers she picked for them. Soon, she literally had the whole herd of them eating out of her hand.

Later, when she thought about it, Elise was certain this was the most magical—and peaceful—part of her journey away from Earth. She felt like she was seven years old again—completely happy and at peace with herself in a way she hadn’t been in years. There was nothing to interrupt her bliss, nothing but the warm, living hum of the jungle around her, the sweet smell of the pastel flowers, and the tiny herd of shaggy ponies surrounding her and begging for more attention.

She fed and petted them all and had just coaxed the pale blue one to jump up into her lap for a very gentle cuddle when the wind changed. A breeze gusted through the blue-gray leaves around her and suddenly one of the other ponies threw up its head and neighed shrilly—a sound of unmistakable alarm. At once, the entire herd took flight, scrambling madly away as though in mortal fear for their tiny lives. In a second, every last one was gone—all except the pale blue pony. He stayed in Elise’s lap, apparently frozen in terror, though she couldn’t see why.

“What is it, boy?” she asked softly, stroking the tiny, trembling body. “What’s wrong?”

A low, ferocious growl provided her answer.

Feeling like someone had just dumped a bag of ice cubes directly into her stomach, Elise lifted her eyes to look for the source of that terrifying sound. There, across from her and still half hidden by the dense vegetation at the edge of the clearing, was a pair of burning yellow eyes with blue slits for pupils. They looked strangely familiar somehow—or maybe it was just the thing’s shape that seemed to resonate with her. But she couldn’t imagine why. She’d never been to Rageron before—why would any of the animals here seem familiar?

The thing attached to the eyes slunk slowly out of the jungle and stepped delicately into the tiny pink clearing. It looked like a cross between a grizzly bear and a bobcat, with tufted ears and a short, ugly muzzle wrinkled back in a silent snarl to expose long, razor sharp fangs. Suddenly Elise knew where she had seen it before—the head hanging above the kitchen in Merrick’s uncles’ house.

She was looking straight into the face of a very hungry xenox, while holding a trembling billib—its favorite prey—in her lap.

Chapter Twenty

Something isn’t right. The thought came to him after twenty minutes of walking around in circles, trying to pick up the correct trail and Merrick knew at once it was true. He felt it in his gut and then, just a moment later, a wave of unadulterated fear came through the bond, confirming his instinct.

Oh, Goddess—Elise! Why had he left her alone? It was safe on the trail, which was clearly scent marked to warn off any hungry predators. But if she’d even stepped a foot off it…

Turning, he inhaled deeply, orienting himself on her scent. It was as sweet and hot as always, but now there was a new note in it—the tang of pure terror. Merrick took off at a dead run, moving noiselessly through the jungle despite his size, hoping against hope he wouldn’t be too late.

Blue-gray leaves slapped him in the face and the sun beat down mercilessly overhead, but he concentrated only on her scent. Soon a new odor had joined it—a hot, musky stench Merrick would know anywhere. Xenox.

Shit! He ran even faster, somehow managing to get the knife from his boot without tripping. He’d left his blaster with Shuura, since such weapons were forbidden in the jungle. The Ancient Ones perceived them and anyone carrying them as a mortal threat and killed them on contact. Now Merrick wished he’d broken the rules. A blaster would have been good to have when facing a predator of this magnitude. He just hoped he was in time to draw it away from Elise and make himself the main focus of its attack.

Finally he reached them and came to a silent halt, the knife gripped hard in one hand. He could feel rage building in him—a state of altered consciousness that comes over a Kindred warrior when his female is threatened—and fought it off grimly. He needed to be in total control to deal with this situation—not enraged to the point of recklessness. Taking a deep breath, he tried to look at the situation with clear eyes.

There was Elise, huddled in a patch of sugar blossoms, her eyes wide with fright. Merrick could hear her heartbeat, rapid and terrified, and smell her fear in the air. No doubt the xenox crouched directly across from her, getting ready to spring, could smell the same thing.

What Merrick couldn’t figure out was why it was targeting her in the first place. Xenoxes were fierce predators, but were also known to be picky eaters. If there was a patch of sugar blossoms this close, it ought to be sniffing out the inevitable herd of billibs that had to be nearby, not wasting its time with an unknown scent which might or might not provide food to its liking.

Merrick moved a step closer, not wanting to startle the xenox into springing until he could draw it toward himself, and realized Elise was saying something. She was whispering under her breath, but it didn’t look like she was talking to herself. “It’s all right,” he heard her murmur, apparently speaking to something she had cradled protectively in her arms. “I won’t let it have you. It’s okay, little guy, we’re going to be all right…”

A motion between her arms caught his eye, and then Merrick saw what it was she was protecting—a bilib. No wonder the xenox was after her! She was sitting in a patch of sugar blossoms, holding its favorite meal right in her lap—and refusing to let it go.

Crouching low in the blue-gray bushes around the clearing, he tried to get her attention. But her eyes were fixed on the xenox, for which Merrick didn’t blame her. He didn’t want to startle the huge beast into springing, but if he could just get Elise to look at him, if he could get her to let go of the billib, the xenox would undoubtedly chase its preferred prey and leave her alone.

Damn it, look at me! Fucking look at me! he thought, wishing their artificial bond functioned more like a real one. If he and Elise had actually had a true Kindred soul bond between them, they would have been able to hear each other’s thoughts easily. As it was, their fake bond seemed to act as a one-way street, allowing Merrick to feel her emotions but not transmitting any of his thoughts or feelings to her.

How am I going to get her attention? The sun was hot on the back of his neck and he felt a trickle of sweat cut through the urgot paste. Damn it, he’d forgotten how miserably hot Rageron was. Even though the sun was close to setting, it was still baking him, making it hard to think. If only—suddenly, he had an idea.

Turning his knife blade to the side, he worked with the small patch of sunlight in front of him, which had somehow made its way down through the canopy to reach the jungle floor. He caught it just right and flashed the light briefly at Elise’s frightened brown eyes.

The flash of sunlight gave the desired effect. Elise blinked and looked to see where it was coming from. To his great relief, Merrick finally caught her eyes.

“Merrick,” she mouthed his name, clearly surprised to see him.

“The billib,” he breathed, nodding at the tiny blue animal in her arms. “Let it go. The xenox should follow.”

Elise frowned. There was fear in her lovely brown eyes, but also determination. With a short, swift motion, she shook her head and cuddled the little billib closer protectively.

Merrick felt a surge of irritation. What in the seven hells was wrong with her? If she’d just let the fucking thing go, the xenox would leave and no one would get hurt. Well, except possibly the billib, but those little guys were natural xenox chow—that was just the law of the jungle.

Catching her eye again, he made a more forceful motion. “Put…it…down!”

“No!” she breathed back, her eyes positively blazing.

He gritted his teeth, the muscles in his jaw clenching. All right, they were going to do this the hard way. But if I get killed for a fucking billib, I’m going to have a few choice words to say to the Goddess when I see her! he told himself.

Turning, he focused on the crouching xenox. It was a large one—he estimated it would be in the neighborhood of ten feet tall when it stood on its hind legs—with a reach twice as long as his own. Taking down an animal this big with just a knife was going to be interesting, but then, Merrick had always loved a challenge. He felt the killing frost fall on him—the chilly calm that dropped over his body like a blanket whenever violence was imminent—and his fangs grew longer to become razor sharp points. Taking a deep breath he raised the knife, gripping it delicately between his thumb and fingertips.

One shot, he thought, focusing on the side of the xenox’s thick neck where he knew large arteries pulsed beneath its coarse blue-black fur. One shot to kill it. And if you miss…if you only piss it off instead of mortally wounding it…

He didn’t let himself think about that. Centering himself, he drew back and let the knife fly. The black handle and silver blade flashed end over end but this time the sunlight betrayed him. A flicker of silvery blue glanced off the flying blade and shone in the xenox’s yellow eyes. At the last moment it turned its head and took a step toward Merrick.

The knife hit and stuck to the hilt—but in the beast’s thick shoulder, not its neck. Merrick knew at once it wasn’t a killing blow. And then the xenox bellowed in agony and hurled its huge bulk toward him, forgetting all about its prey as it determined to kill the source of its sudden, agonizing pain.

Merrick stood his ground. He felt no fear—only a fierce kind of joy and the knowledge that the killing was about to begin. The only question was, who would be left standing when it was over? Him? Or the xenox?

* * * * *

Elise shrieked in horror as the massive beast launched itself at Merrick, but neither he nor the xenox seemed to notice her cry. The billib in her arms neighed in terror and pressed its head between her breasts, as though seeking shelter. Elise tightened her arms around it and watched numbly as the two huge forms collided in a tangle of limbs and fur.

They rolled over and over on the forest floor, the xenox snapping and biting, and Merrick barely avoiding the slavering jaws. Elise watched, her heart pounding, as they came closer and closer to where she was crouching. If she didn’t move soon she might be flattened, but somehow she couldn’t so much as twitch. She was frozen to the spot, unable to do anything but watch as Merrick wrestled with the huge beast.

But as she watched, Elise felt her heart sinking. The Kindred warrior was big, but the xenox was truly enormous. Though Merrick tried to avoid it, somehow it had gotten its long, furry arms wrapped around him and was squeezing him, pulling him ever closer to those horrible fangs. Like a grizzly bear pulling him in for a killing hug, she thought numbly.

However, Merrick had fangs of his own, and they were fully extended now. It looked like he was trying to bite the creature’s neck without letting it get too close to his own. But with the razor sharp jaws snapping just inches from his face, he didn’t have much of a chance.

Suddenly the pair of them rolled directly in front of her, barely six inches from her feet and Elise gave out a little scream. Besides the sounds of snapping branches, the two fought in silence except for a low growling sound she’d assumed was coming from the xenox. Now, however, she realized that Merrick was making the sound. His mismatched eyes were narrowed with concentration but she could see that the pupils had somehow turned red instead of black. He was obviously locked in some state of killing frenzy. Watching him, Elise understood that he really would fight to the death and if he died, it would be…

My fault. All my fault!

Finally her paralysis broke. She had to find a way to help him—but how? Then her eye caught on something poking out of the tangle of blackish fur. The knife handle! Elise realized. Her heart began to beat again. Can I? Should I? She eyed the handle intently.

The huge beast seemed to have completely forgotten that she was there—all its attention was centered on Merrick as it snapped at his face. He’d gotten his hands up and was pushing on its lower jaw, trying to force it away but the xenox had him pinned to the ground and was coming closer and closer to ripping into the vulnerable flesh of his neck. If she was going to do something, now was the time to do it.

Summoning all her courage, Elise lifted the frightened billib in one hand and put it as far behind her, back into the underbrush, as she could reach. Then, before she could lose her nerve, she jumped up, darted forward, and grabbed the black leather handle of the knife.

The leather was slick with blood and the blade had penetrated deep, but it wasn’t stuck in the bone. With a hard yank, Elise jerked it free and raised it over her head.

The xenox, still intent on killing Merrick, barely seemed to notice. But the big Kindred’s blazing eyes found hers at once and he shook his head.

“No, Elise—don’t risk it!”

Elise didn’t listen. Taking a firm grip on the knife with both hands, she raised it above her head and brought it down in a slicing arc, targeting the vulnerable side of the creature’s neck.

Later, she thought it must have been a lucky blow. The xenox had incredibly tough hide and thick fur—there was no way someone of her size and strength should have been able to hurt it or pierce its flesh. But either panic had given her strength or someone, somewhere was lending her extra power because the knife sliced through the xenox’s throat and the next thing she knew, Elise was being sprayed with its thick, dark blue blood.

She opened her lips to scream and her mouth filled with the salty, disgusting stuff, choking her, cutting off her air. She coughed and spat, trying to get rid of the gamey, bloody taste, her voice gone for the moment.

The xenox seemed to go crazy with pain. It threw back its injured head and howled, then snapped at its own neck, as though trying to bite the source of its agony. It writhed against Merrick, crushing him into the ground, its jaws grinding and claws slashing the ground.

“Elise! Elise!”

With a start, Elise became aware that Merrick was shouting her name and pointing at something. Finally she realized he was gesturing for the knife. Somehow she managed to stagger forward and get it into his big hand.

Merrick gripped the knife, his face contorted with rage. Without hesitation, he plunged the silver blade to the hilt in the xenox’s narrow yellow eye. It gave a final scream of pure anguish and then collapsed on top of him, the light going out of its other eye as well.

At last Elise found her voice. “Merrick!” she gasped, dropping to her knees beside him. The xenox on top of him was silent and still except for a few twitches she hoped were death throes. Then she realized the twitching was Merrick's doing—he was pushing up from underneath, trying to get the massive carcass off of himself.

Gasping with the effort, she put her shoulder to the greasy blue-black fur and shoved, trying to help, although the xenox was so huge she felt like an ant trying to move a boulder. At last, with both of them heaving, it rolled up far enough for Merrick to scramble out from under.

He got to his feet, breathing hard, and Elise ran to him without hesitation. “Are you all right? Are you hurt? Are you bleeding?” She didn’t give him a chance to answer but began running her hands over his arms and legs and torso, searching for wounds. It was hard to tell because of the urgot paste and all the xenox blood, but she thought he was in one piece…

Oh thank God…thank God! Relief rushed through her in a sweet flood. He’s all right. He’s going to be okay! She stepped back, taking him in, trying to make herself believe it was true.

Suddenly the whole scene hit her at once. The lovely pristine clearing was ruined—the bell-like flowers were trampled and the cotton-candy pink grass was stained with gore. The billibs were scattered and the dead xenox lay in a messy heap of blood and fur, a snarl forever frozen on its lifeless jaws. And Merrick just stood there. Merrick who should by all rights be dead after what he’d just been through.

I almost lost him, she thought. Almost lost him forever. I’ve been such an idiot—such a fool! Telling myself I only cared because of our stupid artificial bond and that I’d be able to turn off the way I felt once the bond was dissolved. I have to tell him how I feel…that I really do love him…

She opened her mouth to speak but Merrick beat her to it. “I’m all right,” he said and winced. “Well, I might have a few bruised ribs but other than that and a few scratches, I’m fine.” He frowned. “But I shouldn’t be. And neither should you.”

“I’m sorry—” Elise began but he didn’t let her finish.

“Do you hear what I’m saying, Elise? That thing could have killed you! What the hell were you doing off the path and playing with Goddess-damned billibs? That’s like hanging a fucking ‘eat me’ sign around your neck!”

Looking at his blazing eyes, Elise realized he wasn’t just angry or upset—Merrick was furious with her. The words of love died on her lips and a wave of defensiveness washed over her. “How am I supposed to stay on a path I can’t even see—or smell—or whatever it is you do?” she demanded. “And how could I possibly know that thing would be attracted to those cute little ponies?”

“Cute little what?”

“Ponies, all right? The billibs—they look just like a toy I had a child. They seemed so completely harmless—so adorable.”

“They’re xenox fodder,” Merrick growled, his eyes still flashing. “The bottom of the fucking food chain. And you nearly died for one of them. Why didn’t you let the one you were holding go when I told you to?”

Elise looked at him in disbelief. “And let that monster have it? Watch it get mauled and eaten before my eyes?”

“Better than getting mauled and eaten yourself,” he snarled. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

“What’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with you?” Elise took a step forward and poked him hard in the chest. “If you think I would ever give up a helpless, defenseless creature to a filthy predator like that then you don’t know me, Merrick.”

“I know you ought to be dead right now.” He glared down at her. “And me right along with you. And all for a fucking animal.”

“You’re the animal.” Elise lifted her chin and returned his glare. “Expecting me to abandon that poor little thing. I’ve spent my life—based my whole career—on protecting the weak from the strong. If you could hear some of the stories I hear in court—those innocent children and what was done to them—”

“Don’t you mean what was done to you?” he asked, his voice suddenly soft.

Elise still felt as though he had slapped her. “What do you mean? What are you talking about?” She took a step back but Merrick followed her.

“I’m talking about the real reason you won’t let yourself get close to me. And it’s not that stupid fiancé of yours or the fact that the bond between us is fake. It’s something that happened in your past. Something somebody did to you.”

The door of the vault creaked dangerously. “No,” Elise shook her head. “No…no.”

“Yes.” Merrick advanced on her steadily as she continued to back away. His deep voice was coaxing and there was no more anger in his eyes, only longing. “Yes, baby. If you could just face it, just tell me—I promise no matter what it is, I won’t run. I’ll stay with you, help you get over it.”

“There’s nothing to get over,” Elise said in a shaking voice, trying to convince herself as well as Merrick. “Nothing to tell. So just…just leave me alone.”

“I can help you,” he insisted. “Just let me try. You’re not the only one with shit in their past, you know. I had a pretty fucked up childhood myself. If you’ll just—”

“I said, no!” Elise nearly screamed at him. She felt fragile inside, like a crystal goblet with cracks running all through it. All it would take was one careless tap on the side of the goblet to shatter it all, to let everything it had been holding in for so long come gushing out in a painful flood. She stumbled backward and landed on her ass in the small purple stream. The water splashed up around her, drenching her, mingling with the hot, salty tears on her cheeks.

Finally, Merrick backed off. “Okay. All right.” He held up both hands in a “don’t shoot” gesture. “Just know that I’m here when you want to talk. C’mon, let’s get you out of there.” He offered her a hand up but Elise ignored it and struggled out of the narrow streambed on her own.

“I’m fine. I don’t need your help.”

Merrick’s hand dropped to his side and his eyes narrowed. “So I see. Well, I guess we’d better move on. We might still make the Deep Blue by nightfall if we don’t have any other adventures.”

“Fine.” Elise tried to wring the water out of her clothes and still retain her dignity. “Did you find the trail?”

“Yeah. It’s up ahead.” He gave her an inscrutable look. “Follow me close and don’t stray away again.”

“I only strayed the first time because you left me,” Elise pointed out acidly.

“I only left you because…” Merrick shook his head. “Never mind. Just come on.” He turned and disappeared into the dense blue-gray vegetation.

Elise plunged in after him, feeling miserable. I never got to tell him how I feel, she thought, watching his broad back as they moved rapidly through the jungle. And now I guess I never will.

Chapter Twenty-one

Lauren arranged herself on the bed in her best seductive pose—lying on her side to make some tempting cleavage. She was wearing the collar Xairn had given her as the final mark of his dominance over her and the sexy harem girl outfit in see-through crimson silk that she’d used to seduce him on the night they finally bonded. She just hoped it would work the same magic again—it seemed like weeks since he’d touched her though she knew it really hadn’t been that long. But her new hormones were kicking in, making her want him even more than she had before. No, not just want—need. She needed Xairn, and not just because she continued to eat the bonding fruit Kat kept her supplied with. But lately it seemed like he didn’t want anything to do with her.

She sighed. Who knew being pregnant could make you so damn horny? Was that even normal? Was it a Kindred thing? Those were some of the questions she wanted to ask her cousin, Olivia. As a nurse, and a fellow pregnant lady, she was sure Liv would have all the answers. But somehow Lauren just couldn’t find the time to talk to her alone and she was a little shy about mentioning her burgeoning sexual appetite in front of Sophie and Kat—neither one of whom was pregnant. At least not yet. Sophie was trying as hard as she could, although Kat declared she could wait awhile—a long while—before she boarded the baby train.

Looking down at her still-flat belly, Lauren wondered how much longer she’d be able to wear her other normal clothes. How long until she felt the baby kick?

Well, it’ll probably be awhile yet, she told herself. Hopefully enough time to get things worked out with Xairn.

As though thinking of him had called him to her, she heard the front door of their suite open and excited barking as Little One, their half-grown puppy, greeted Xairn ecstatically. Having a puppy aboard a space ship had been a real challenge, but Little One was proving to be a very intelligent girl and Xairn had trained her in no time. Also, there were areas of the ship for other Earth girls who had brought their dogs. Luckily, Lauren and Xairn’s suite was located close to one of them so having Little One aboard had turned out to be much easier than expected.

Easier than getting Xairn to notice me, anyway, Lauren thought with a small sigh. She didn’t know what her man’s problem was, but she sure as hell wished he’d get over it!

Getting tired of waiting for Xairn to come back and find her, she went quietly to the door of their bedroom and peered out into the living area of the suite. Xairn was there, kneeling on one knee and stroking Little One’s long, soft ears while she wagged her tail so hard it looked like it might come off.

“Good girl,” he murmured, a smile lighting his red-on-black eyes which Lauren had once found so frightening. “You’re such a good girl, Little One.”

The puppy wiggled ecstatically at his soft words of praise and licked his hand. She was sweet enough to Lauren but it was clear who the real center of her universe was. Xairn had found her after her mother had been hit by a car and had rescued the helpless little creature even though he was in a very dark place in his life at the time. Little One had loved him to distraction, right from the start.

As always when she looked at her man, Lauren felt a surge of pride and affection. Xairn had been through so much—a horrible childhood, an abusive father, the loss of his mother and his entire culture—and yet he was still here. Still standing strong. Going through life by his side was the answer to all Lauren’s hopes and dreams and she promised herself again that they would get properly married before the baby was born.

“Ahem.” She cleared her throat delicately, hoping to get his attention.

Xairn looked up, an affectionate smile still on his face. But when he saw Lauren, it faded. “Oh…hello.” He stood at once, brushing the dog hair off his black flight pants and cleared his throat.

“Hello yourself,” Lauren purred. Up until now she’d been half hidden behind the door but now she came out into the open, displaying the naughty crimson harem-girl outfit. “How was your day, dear?” she asked, arching one eyebrow and cocking her hip to the side seductively. The pose pushed her chest out, putting her full breasts and stiff nipples on display behind the gauzy, see-through fabric. Xairn loved her breasts and she knew it. If this doesn’t get a reaction, I don’t know what will, she told herself.

Xairn’s eyes widened but he didn’t move toward her. “Um…my day was very satisfactory,” he said stiffly, at last. “I hope yours was as well.”

Lauren shrugged. “Oh you know, just the usual. I made some of those new passion-fruit cupcakes I was telling you about. But then, as I was mixing the icing, it sprayed up and got all over me.” She stroked the undercurve of her right breast, as though to illustrate her point. “I had to take my shirt and bra off—everything was a sticky mess.”

Xairn swallowed so hard she could actually hear the click in his throat. “I…I’m sorry. That must have been very frustrating.”

Lauren nodded slowly. “Yes, as a matter of fact I’m finding a lot of things frustrating lately. I could really use a little stress relief, if you know what I mean…” She took a step toward him but Xairn didn’t move toward her or take her up on her obvious offer. In fact, he actually took a step backwards, toward the door to their suite.

“Will you excuse me? I just remembered I have a job I promised to do for Deep. He and Lock are working on a ship and I promised to get them a part.”

“What? Right now?” Lauren demanded.

“Yes, I’m afraid so.” Xairn shook his head. “I knew I was forgetting something. Well, I’d better go…”

“Wait!” Lauren exclaimed. Taking a step toward him, she ran one finger down his broad chest. “Will you be back soon?”

“I’ll try…” Xairn shifted from foot to foot in obvious discomfort. “Yes, I promise I’ll try to be home soon.”

Then he turned and nearly ran for the door, leaving Lauren feeling rejected, despondent, and worst of all still horny.

Damn it, what’s wrong with him? Why won’t he touch me? Or take me? Or even look me in the damn eyes? The frustration rose in her until it overflowed in the form of tears.

Lauren sniffed angrily and wiped at her eyes. Stupid hormones! She didn't want to cry but it was hard not to. What was wrong with Xairn? Why was he avoiding her—didn't he want her anymore?

I should just ask him. Just get it out in the open, she thought. But somehow, she couldn’t. After all, what if he said he didn't want her anymore—that her pregnancy made him feel tied down. What then? What was she going to do?

Lauren squared her shoulders determinedly. “I’ll tell you what I’m not going to do,” she said out loud. “I’m not going to hang around here moping all day. I’m going to go get some answers.”

Feeling better now that she had a plan of action, she quickly changed out of the provocative harem-girl outfit and into some regular clothes. Then she went in search of her cousin.

But finding her turned out to be no easy task. Lauren started looking at Olivia’s suite, then Sophie’s and finally Kat’s. At last, someone directed to where the three of them had gone. Lauren found them clustered in a worried looking group just inside the viewing room.

“Here you all are! I’ve been looking everywhere for you, Olivia,” she said, giving her cousin a smile.

Liv turned to see Lauren standing in the doorway to the viewing room. “Oh, hi. I’m sorry, but Kat and Sophie had just come over when we got a call.” She nodded up at the huge viewscreen that dominated the room.

Lauren looked up at the screen. “Oh—hello, Nadiah. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt,” she apologized.

“That’s all right.” Nadiah shook her head. “I was just about to sign off anyway.”

“Nadiah called to catch us up on the news and tell us that Lissa is missing,” Sophia interjected. Her big green eyes were filled with worry. “You remember—the priestess from First World I told you about?”

“Oh no, really? What happened? She wasn’t…abducted or anything, was she?” Lauren remembered her own abduction at the hands of the AllFather and shivered.

Nadiah shook her head. “We don’t think so—at least, we certainly hope not.”

“But isn’t it a possibility?” Kat asked, frowning. “I mean, could the same people who took your ex, uh, Yo-dah…Y’dix…Y’dax…whatever the hell his name was—could they have taken her too?”

Nadiah’s face on the viewscreen went pale. “I suppose it's possible, but Goddess, I hope not!”

“Who took her ex?” Lauren asked Kat in a low voice. “What did I miss?”

“The Hoard,” Kat said grimly. “New bad guys—or old ones, depending on how you look at it. The Kindred thought they’d been wiped out a thousand years ago but now they seem to be popping up again. And just as we got rid of the AllFather.” She shook her head. “Just can’t win.”

“They tortured Y’dex,” Nadiah said faintly. “What they did to him…it was horrible.” Her complexion had gone from pale to positively green. “I hope that Lissa is simply lost in the desert and not at the mercy of those monsters.”

“She’s probably hiding,” Sophie said soothingly. “We both saw her amazing powers with sand. She could probably do most anything with it—use it as shelter, camouflage…whatever.”

Nadiah sighed. “I hope so. I’d feel better if she wasn’t wandering around out there naked with no food or supplies.”

“What?” Lauren frowned. “Why would she go out naked into the dessert?”

“The ex-high priestess killed herself,” Sophie said. “You know, the really bitchy one I told you guys about?”

“Oh.” Lauren nodded and then frowned. “That’s too bad, but why—?”

“Lissa felt like she had to honor her passing,” Olivia supplied. “And that’s why she went out into the desert with nothing—not even her clothing.” She frowned at Nadiah. “How long did you say she’s been gone?”

“Several days and nights.” Nadiah looked close to crying. “We’ve been searching and searching for her. Rast has been flying all over the place, trying to see her from the sky but…” She shook her head. “Nothing.”

Sophie bit her lip. “I’m so sorry, Nadiah. I wish I was there to give you a big hug!”

“I wish you were too.” Nadiah had begun to cry in earnest now. “I miss all of you so much! And Lissa has become a friend—a dear friend. And now to lose her as well…” She shook her head. “I don’t know what to do.”

“Don’t give up,” Olivia said, frowning. “If she knows the desert, it could be that she also knows where the best sources of water and nourishment are. Don’t count her out yet and don’t stop looking.”

“We won’t,” Nadiah promised, brushing the tears from her eyes. “Thank you, Olivia. And the rest of you, too.” She looked at all them, assembled in the viewing room. “I really do miss you. I wish you could come to First World and see me.”

“Maybe after the baby is born.” Olivia patted her swelling belly with a smile.

“Oh, that’s right—I almost forgot.” Nadiah looked at Sophie. “Any news yet?” she asked hopefully.

Sophie shook her head. “We’re waiting to do another test until we’re absolutely sure I’m late. It shouldn’t be much longer now.” She smiled and blushed. “We’ve, uh, been trying really hard.”

“I just bet you have,” Kat said dryly. “You’re probably trying twice as hard as me—but that’s not saying much since I’m not trying at all.”

“But you try twice as hard every time by default—since you’re mated to twin Kindred,” Nadiah pointed out with a faint smile. “How are Deep and Lock, by the way?”

Kat shrugged. “Oh you know, just fine. Lock is as sweet as can be and Deep…well, he’s Deep. What can I say?” She grinned, obviously enjoying the thought of her bad-boy dark twin.

“I’m glad to hear it.” Nadiah sighed. “Well, I really must be going. I understand transmissions at this distance take tremendous energy.”

“They do, but don’t be a stranger,” Olivia said.

“That’s right. Call us back when you find something out about Lissa,” Sophia said. “I didn’t get to know her very well, but she seemed really sweet.”

“She is.” Nadiah’s eyes began to fill again and she blinked away tears. “I just hope…hope that she’s all right.”

“We’ll say a prayer for her,” Lauren assured her quietly. “That she’ll be safe and find her way home.”

“Thank you. I miss you all.” Nadiah’s lovely new blue-green eyes encompassed all of them for a moment and then the viewing screen went dark.

“Oh dear,” Sophie sighed. She looked close to tears herself and Lauren could understand why. From what she’d heard, during her time on Tranq Prime Sophie had practically adopted Nadiah as a little sister. To see her good friend so upset and not be able to ease the pain must be hard.

“It’s okay, womb-mate.” Olivia put an arm around her twin sister’s shoulders. “They’ll find her—I’m sure they will.”

“I hope so.” Kat shook her head. “Too bad she insisted on going out in the desert without a stitch on. I hope she at least brought some heavy duty sun block.”

“I don’t want to think about it anymore,” Sophia wiped her eyes with her sleeve. “Let’s all just go back to my suite and talk about something else. We can plan Lauren and Liv’s baby shower.” She looked at Kat. “Or your joining.”

Kat looked vaguely uncomfortable. “Babies come first.”

“Speaking of babies, fellow pregnant lady…” Olivia let go of Sophie and came to hook her arm through Lauren’s. “You said you were looking for me. Was there a problem you needed help with?”

“Um…” Lauren felt her cheeks growing warm. “No, that’s okay. It’s no big deal.”

Liv gave her a sharp look. “It’s not, huh? Okay. Well, at least come back to Sophie’s with us for a snack. We were about to call you over when we heard we had a call from Nadiah.”

“Well…” Lauren hesitated, but really, what did she have to go back to? Xairn was out of the suite and Little One had probably settled down for the night. “All right,” she said at last.

“Great. And I’ve got plenty of pregnant-lady snacks,” Sophie said, leading the way out of the viewing room and down the long corridor.

“Pregnant-lady snacks?” Lauren frowned at Liv. “What is it now? Are you still eating seaweed sandwiches?”

“Of course not.” Liv made a dismissive gesture. “Seaweed is so last quadmester. I’m into stuffed mushrooms now.”

Lauren smiled. “Well, that doesn’t sound so bad.”

Kat made a face. “You should hear what she stuffs them with!”

“I’m almost afraid to find out.” Lauren laughed and shook her head. Though she was still worried about her problems with Xairn, she suddenly felt lighter. Just being around her girlfriends seemed to lift her mood. She told herself that her questions could wait—at least until after their girl time was over. Then, as soon as Kat and Sophia left, she would take Olivia aside and get all the information she could.

* * * * *

"Okay, I can tell you're hanging around here after everyone else has gone for a reason. So come on, spill," Olivia demanded.

Lauren sighed and ran her hands through her hair. How to begin? She’d been trying for days to get her cousin alone and now she was almost too embarrassed to talk about the problem. But she had to—she needed some answers, now.

“It’s about Xairn,” she began at last, in a low voice.

“He won’t touch you, right?” Olivia raised one blonde eyebrow. “You guys probably haven’t made love in weeks—ever since you found out you were pregnant.”

“Exactly.” Lauren blew out a breath. “I know I told you and the other girls some of that already, but how did you know it’s been so long?”

“You have that edgy look—hungry. Unsatisfied.” Olivia frowned. “I don’t know about you, but being preggers has made me so damn, well…horny—for want of a better word. It’s almost like another appetite I have to feed and Lord knows I spend enough of my day eating already!”

“I know exactly what you mean,” Lauren exclaimed. “It’s making me crazy. But Xairn won’t come near me and I even thought, well…” She cleared her throat. “I thought maybe being pregnant had changed my scent or something. I mean, the Kindred and the Scourge both seem to have such a sensitive sense of smell…”

Olivia nodded thoughtfully. “Yeah, Baird has told me that being pregnant has changed my scent a little. But he said it made me smell sweeter—even more desirable. So I don’t think that’s the source of your problem.”

“What is, then?” Lauren burst out. She hopped up from the couch and started pacing. “What’s wrong with him? He’s acting exactly like he did before we finally bonded. When he was so afraid he was going to lose control and hurt me.”

“Maybe that’s it—he’s afraid he’ll hurt the baby if you guys, uh…” Olivia coughed. “Engage in your normal form of sex.”

Lauren laughed. “We’re not that kinky, cuz. It’s not like he’s beating me with whips and chains or anything. It’s more about, you know, submission.” She blushed. “With a little bit of spanking from time to time.”

“Rrrrow,” Olivia purred, grinning. “You’re making me want to go find Baird right now to play a few discipline games. Sounds like fun.”

“It is,” Lauren admitted. “But at this point I’d settle for plain old missionary position sex. Anything to take the edge off.”

Liv raised an eyebrow at her. “Are you still eating the bonding fruit on a regular basis?”

Lauren sighed. “I’ve had to cut back some—it was too much to handle, especially when Xairn won’t come near me.”

“Well maybe you should point that out to him,” Olivia said. “In fact, have you tried talking to him at all? To get to the root of the problem?”

Lauren ran a hand through her hair in frustration. “Every time I try, he puts me off or runs away on some errand he swears can’t wait. I’ve even tried wearing my sexiest outfit to seduce him but, well…” She shrugged sadly. “No effect.”

Olivia frowned. “I bet you had a much bigger effect on him than you know, Lauren. It’s just that for some reason, Xairn is afraid to show it.” She pushed the bowl of popcorn out of the way. “No more pussy-footing around—you have to make him tell you. Lock him in your suite or tie him up or something but don’t let him go until he talks.”

Lauren felt a surge of determination. “You’re right. I’ve been trying to avoid a direct confrontation, but I guess that’s the only way I’ll ever find out what’s going on.” She sighed. “I’ve just been feeling so vulnerable lately. My biological father left my mom when she was pregnant with me, you know? I guess I was afraid if I forced Xairn to talk to me, if I pushed him too hard…” She made a helpless gesture with one hand.

Olivia nodded sympathetically. “I get why you’re worried, but you shouldn’t be. Xairn’s not going to leave you—you’ve had bonding sex, remember? Kindred mate for life, and Xairn has enough Kindred blood in him for that to apply to him too.”

“You know…you’re right.” Lauren murmured as the truth of her cousin’s words sank in. Tears of relief came to her eyes and she tried to blink them away. “God, why didn’t I think of that? I think these pregnancy hormones are making me crazy or stupid or both.” Going back to the couch, she gave Olivia a big hug. “Thank you, Liv. You’ve made me feel so much better.”

Liv hugged her back. "That's what cousins are for. So go for it, Lauren—make him talk and don't take no for an answer."

"I will," Lauren promised, and she meant it. She was going to get to the bottom of this problem with Xairn if it was the last thing she did.

Chapter Twenty-two

Lissa didn’t know how long she’d been wandering, naked and without food or water, but it must have been a long while—she was beginning to see visions.

At first it was just colored lights flashing before her eyes, which might have been just the pale green sun of First World glinting off the rainbow colored sands of the desert. But when she began to hear voices, Lissa knew something wasn’t right. Especially when the voices started talking about her—talking about her hair.

“Greeny hair, greeny hair, Lissa has the greeny hair,” they chanted in her ears.

“No…no I don’t,” Lissa protested, putting a hand to her hair protectively. It was pale blonde with deep jade-green streaks that matched her jade-green eyes —a sign that she was one of the rare Kindred females. She was relieved to find it was still long, flowing down to tickle the small of her back as she moved. But I’m supposed to cut it, she thought, feeling dazed. As a sign of respect—I’m supposed to cut it all off.

That had been the plan, anyway.

She had a knife in her other hand, a long, curving blade used to harvest grain in the small, rocky gardens of the holy mountain. It was the only thing she’d taken with her on her pilgrimage. Her plan, she remembered now, had been to walk to the middle of the desert and use the knife to chop her long hair short—as short as possible.

But the path was long and winding and the desert was hot. Luckily, Lissa knew of a few places where water came to the surface around the mountain. She’d made use of her knowledge to keep herself hydrated on the first part of her journey, just as she used her power to keep a thin layer of sand suspended above her head to act as a sun-shade. As she got deeper into the desert and further from the holy mountain of the Goddess however, her powers began to lessen and water was harder to find. Now she was barely able to keep the sand above her head aloft and she couldn’t remember the last time she’d had a drink of cool, life-giving water.

Just have to keep going, she told herself doggedly. There was an oasis right in the dead center of the rainbow desert. There she could rest and refresh herself and cut her hair as the ritual of mourning a high priestess demanded.

“Greeny hair, greeny hair,” chanted the voices again and this time Lissa saw the chanters. A ring of children suddenly appeared before her, wavering in the desert heat. She blinked in surprise because she recognized them—her old classmates from school.

“It’s so ugly,” Chainee, the leader of the popular clique said. “And my mame' says it’s an unnatural color. All yellow with green streaks—like snot! Yuck!”

There was a chorus of mean laughter from the rest of the group and Chainee tossed her own hair, which was the proper color—deep brown. All the other children had hair and eyes the exact same shade—all but Lissa.

“Leave me alone,” she told the children, staggering a little as the sands shifted under her feet. “My hair is fine. It’s just different. My mame’ says it’s all right to be different.”

“You mean your mame’ who got killed?” Yancee, another of the popular girls taunted. “Along with your pape’ and little brother? Were they weird too—is that why the pirates killed them?”

“Don’t talk about my family like that!” Tears filled Lissa’s eyes, or would have if she hadn’t been so dehydrated. The pain of her loss was still vivid and fresh—like a wound that wouldn’t heal. She missed them desperately, missed being aboard their small ship as they went from station to station, trading. And to think she used to feel bored and wish for a normal life down on the home planet, away from her pesky little brother, Dak. Well now she had a normal life—or as normal a life as an orphan could have, anyway—and she hated it. She would have given anything to be away from this awful place, to see her parents’ and brother’s faces one more time. But I can’t, she thought. I can’t. They’re dead…dead…never coming back.

“Where did you even get that greeny snot hair anyway?” taunted Chainee. “My mame’ says the rest of your family looked normal. She says it means your mame’ was a slut—she must have slept with some alien while you were out trying to get people on the stations to buy your junk. And that’s why you have such weird hair and eyes.”

“That’s not true!” Lissa cried. “It’s because my father’s a Kindred and I’m a girl. Kindred almost never have girls but when they do, they look like me.” She wished desperately there were more Kindred among the first families of her clan but although their numbers were growing, it was a slow process. And anyway, females resulting from Kindred unions were so scarce it was doubtful she would ever be considered normal—at least on Tarsia.

“It doesn’t matter how she got it,” Yancee said. “The point is, it’s ugly.”

“Yeah—she should cut it off.” Chainee grinned at her nastily and began to chant. “Cut it off…cut it off…cut it off…”

Soon all the children had taken up the chant. They crowded around Lissa, forcing her to back up. She stumbled, clutching her hair protectively in one hand and the knife in the other. The sands shifted under her feet, making it hard to walk. “No, leave me alone!” she cried. “Please, just leave me alone!”

“Leave her alone,” a deep, quiet voice echoed just behind her.

Lissa whipped her head around and saw Saber standing there, a frown on his handsome face. She looked at him, astonished. What is he doing here? And why is he defending me?

Saber was the Over Chief’s son, and now that Lissa had been adopted into his family, he was technically her big brother. But though she’d been living there for several months, he’d scarcely said a word to her. Of course, being four years older, he had other things to occupy his time than a misfit orphan girl who just happened to live under his roof.

Besides, he was so handsome and popular—the team leader in all the sports, the male considered most likely to succeed, not to mention the heir to the Over Chief—there was little wonder he paid no attention to her. Well, maybe not no attention. Lissa had caught him looking at her strangely from time to time and once, when she was having a really bad nightmare, reliving the death of her parents, he’d woken her with a silent shake on the arm. But there was nothing in his past behavior to indicate he would stand up for her and be her champion against the cruelty of her classmates.

“I know your parents adopted her but she’s so ugly. With those snot-green streaks in her hair and those weird eyes, she looks exactly like a tseeba.” Chainee pouted up at Saber in a way she no doubt thought was fetching.

“What’s ugly is the way you’re acting. All of you.” Saber gave Lissa’s tormentors a look of disgust. “You don’t know the pain Lissa has been through—the agony of losing her entire family at once—and you should pray to the Goddess you never do.”

Lissa was even more surprised. Her situation wasn’t discussed much at her new family’s home—her adopted mother considered it distasteful. But to hear Saber talk, he’d thought about it—thought about it a lot. Her eyes burned—obviously he pitied her, the same way he would pity an animal that had been wounded and caught in a trap. That was why he had come to her rescue. That was why he stared at her sometimes, when he thought she wasn’t looking.

Suddenly it was all too much for Lissa. She was tired of being despised for her difference and pitied for the horrible fate that had befallen her family. Tired of being so alone. And she missed her parents and little Dak and her old way of life terribly. She felt a sob rising in her throat and tried to choke it back down. She couldn’t break down in front of Chainee and Yancee and the rest—that would only prove to them how weak she was. But she couldn’t hold back the tears much longer.

Turning, she ran past Saber, ran away from the taunts and jeers and hatred. She heard ugly laughter from the others, and then Saber called her name, but she ignored him. In a way, his compassion was almost as bad as the cruelty of the others. It made her feel singled out…different…ugly. As ugly as her long blonde hair with its jade-green streaks.

Cut it off. I have to…cut it off,” she finished aloud, finally coming back to herself. Goddess, what was wrong with her? Why was she naked in the desert and having flashbacks of her miserable childhood? Lissa stared dully at the rainbow sands at her feet, trying to make sense of it all. Minverna, she remembered at last. She killed herself, but not before speaking truth to me. A truth I need to do penance for.

She thought again of her vision of Saber, standing so straight and tall before her. Thought of his broad shoulders and thick, dark hair which was short, but always a little messy from his habit of running his fingers through it. His hands, so large and capable and yet so gentle, too. He wasn’t cruel like the others. He defended her, protected her…

“Moch Daer,” she whispered brokenly. “Oh, how I miss you.”

But there was no use wishing for the past. Squaring her shoulders, Lissa set herself once more to the task of finding the oasis in the middle of the desert. Only there could she cleanse herself of her shameful lusts and fantasies. Only there could she cut her hair and show her true penance for the sins Minverna had pointed out before she died.

Help me make it, Goddess, she thought as she trudged on wearily. It’s so hot and I’m so tired and thirsty. Please help me find it soon…before it’s too late.

Chapter Twenty-three

“So this is the Deep Blue.” Elise broke the long silence between them at last. “It’s…amazing.”

Merrick tried to look at the scene through her eyes and truly, it was. It looked as though someone had drawn a line down the middle of the foliage. A clear demarcation where the dusty, blue-gray jungle suddenly ended and another, deeper, wilder place began. The plants of the Deep Blue were an indigo so pure it almost hurt the eyes to look at it them. Here and there were splashes of deep green or vivid orange or bright yellow—like colored jewels on a blue velvet background—but for the most part it was solid, uninterrupted blue.

“It’s gorgeous,” Elise murmured, sounding awed.

Merrick grunted. “Yeah, and fucking dangerous.” He put down his pack and crouched by the side of the small purple stream they’d been following. Conveniently, it stuck pretty close to the scent trail. “This is where we camp for the night,” he decided. There was no way he was going into the Deep Blue just as the sun was setting. Dusk was the time when the Ancient Ones were most active—far better to start fresh in the morning and hope to get in and out without a problem.

“All right.” Elise looked stiff. Her muscles were probably aching from the long hike, not to mention the strenuous exercise of helping kill the xenox. Merrick was sure she was ready for a rest. She cast him a sidelong glance, maybe wondering if he was still mad at her, but didn’t say anything else.

Merrick showed no signs that he knew she was watching him. He was taking things out of his backpack, getting ready to settle for the night. He heard Elise sigh and then she peeled off her soft blue leather boots and put her feet in the stream. The water fizzed slightly around her bare feet and she smiled, as though enjoying the ticklish sensation.

The smile softened the worry lines on her face, making her so beautiful his heart ached. “Something funny?” he murmured, coming up behind her.

Elise jumped away as though he’d burned her. “Oh, uh…” She turned to look at him, her eyes wide and startled. “You scared me,” she said, as though trying to explain her sudden get-away.

What else is new? Merrick thought. Aloud he said, “Right. You hungry?”

Elise looked at him, as though trying to figure out which meaning of the word he was using. Merrick could feel her anxiety through the bond. Wanting to put her at ease, he held up a dried protein strip.

A look of relief and understanding crossed her face. “Yes. Thanks.” She took the strip from him and looked down at it. “Um, is it okay to wash in the stream? I’m all hot and sticky.”

“Hot and sticky, huh?” Merrick’s voice sounded slightly strangled in his own ears. He couldn’t help himself—her innocent words had evoked a whole set of images he’d been trying to repress. The memory of her spread out on his lap, her thighs open, her head thrown back as he fingered her sweet pussy to orgasm came flooding back, making him hard. Making him want her.

Elise looked at him curiously, no doubt hearing the strain in his voice. When their eyes met, Merrick could feel her body reacting to his. The hunger inside her surged to life, turning almost immediately to lust. Her nipples peaked and he could tell from the shift in her scent that her little cunt was suddenly creamy and hot and ready. Ready for him to touch her, to taste her…

He wanted to kiss her again, wanted to taste those sweet, pink lips once more, to crush her to him just as he had at the start of their trip. Even more than that, he could feel Elise wanting to be kissed. She craved this—ached for his touch the same way he ached for hers. Merrick leaned toward her…

And she turned suddenly away, a look of misery on her face. “Um, so the bath?” she said, not meeting his eyes. “Okay or not? I mean, are there any poisonous fish or reptiles I should watch out for?”

Merrick let out a sigh and tried to curb his lust. Inside his tight black pants his shaft ached, the mating fist throbbing with need. Even his fangs had joined the chorus, begging to pierce the soft flesh of her neck as he pierced her pussy down below.

“Not in a stream this size, no,” he said at last, forcing himself to regain control. “You go ahead and wash—we can reapply the camouflage later. Just don’t get too close to the Deep Blue. Once you cross over, things get a hell of a lot more dangerous.”

“Will we be all right in there?” she asked, wide eyed. “I mean, how hard do you think this skrillix plant is going to be to find? And what does it look like anyway?”

Merrick frowned. “It’s a vine—a creeper about as thick as your wrist. It winds itself around tree trunks and it has other, smaller branches sticking off of the main one.”

Elise looked with dismay at the Deep Blue. “But…there are hundreds of vines and they all look the same. They’re all that deep indigo blue.”

“The skrillix has two distinguishing characteristics,” he said, feeling a little like he was giving a lecture. “First: long, curving thorns about as long as your finger.” He held up one of his own fingers to illustrate. “Whatever you do, don’t get scratched. They secrete a hallucinogenic compound that’ll make you wish you’d never been born—it’s why the skrillix is called the ‘pain vine.’ The Ancient Ones use it as a kind of truth serum sometimes.”

“Wow. Okay, got you.” Elise nodded. “What else?”

“Bright red berries as big as the end of your thumb,” Merrick said. “Those are the key—we need to bring some back with us, still attached to the branch.”

“Why still attached?” she asked. “It seems like it would be much easier to bring back a pocket full of berries than a whole entire branch.”

“It would,” Merrick admitted. “But it’s not possible—they begin to rot the minute they’re picked. The only way to keep them fresh enough to be useful is to keep them on the branch.”

“And do you think the skrillix will be hard to find?” she asked, repeating her earlier question.

Merrick frowned. “It's sacred to the Ancient Ones, so they keep a pretty close eye on all of the skrillix in their territory. But they keep mostly to the center of the Deep Blue. If we’re very lucky, we might just find a stray skrillix growing around the perimeter and get back to town without meeting them at all. That would be our best case scenario.”

Elise bit her lip. “What would the worst case be?”

“You don’t wanna know,” Merrick said darkly. “But if we do run into the Ancient Ones, you stick close to me. I’ll protect you.”

“I know you will.” To his surprise, Elise laid one of her hands on his—the first time she’d voluntarily touched him in what seemed like forever. “Thank you, Merrick,” she said softly. “I’m sorry things are…difficult between us. But thank you for keeping me safe.”

He looked at her, searching her deep brown eyes for a long moment. Gods, she was beautiful. Why did she have to be forever out of his reach? “That’s all right, baby,” he growled softly. “I’ll keep you safe for as long as you let me. Wish I could keep you safe forever.”

Elise’s eyes were suspiciously bright. “That’s very sweet of you but…” She broke off, shaking her head.

“But what?” Merrick urged her, wanting to know. Hoping she would talk to him at last.

She blinked rapidly and a single silver tear made its way down her cheek. “If you knew me…really knew me, maybe you wouldn’t feel that way,” she said in a low voice.

“That’s not true,” he said roughly. “I don’t care about your past—I don’t give a fuck what happened then as long as you’re here with me now.”

She shook her head and at first he was afraid he had pushed too hard, afraid she would start denying anything had happened again. But she didn’t. She simply wiped away the tear and looked at him again.

“I care about the past,” she said at last in a soft, broken voice. “And you should too.”

Merrick sighed tiredly, feeling a thousand years old. So close and yet she was still pulling away. “All right,” he said. “We’re not going to get anywhere talking about it now—not when we’re both so damn tired. But will you come to me tonight? At least let me hold you and feed the hunger?”

Elise looked down at her hands. “I think that would be all right,” she said in a low voice. “As long as we don’t do anything, you know, sexual.”

“I understand.” Merrick said gently. “Nothing you don’t want, baby. I just want to take care of you.”

She looked up again, her eyes so filled with sorrow his heart ached for her. Gods, if only she would open up to him, if only she would tell him. He opened his mouth to ask, and then closed it. He didn’t want to push her away again. She’d practically promised to come to him and let him hold her that night. Merrick didn’t want to ruin that so he kept silent.

“Thank you,” she said at last, swiping at her eyes. “Uh, I think I’ll go ahead and wash up now.”

“And I’m going to go scout around for some yanyan leaves for us to sleep on.” He pointed a finger at her. “I won’t be gone long and xenoxes don’t like water so you should be fine as long as you stick to the stream and stay away from billibs. And whatever you do, don’t go into the Deep Blue alone.” He thought it was important to emphasize that, considering that the Ancient Ones were so active at this time.

“Don’t worry,” Elise said with a shiver. “I’ve learned my lesson. I’ll stay right here—I promise.”

“Good.” He nodded and rose, dusting his hands on his pants. “I’m going to stay in this immediate vicinity. If you get into trouble, just yell for me.”

Elise nodded. “Of course.”

Giving her one last look, Merrick stepped into the foliage and went looking for the leaves to make their bed for the night—a bed he hoped like hell they would share.

* * * * *

Elise sighed after he left. God, it was exhausting how emotionally charged every encounter between them was! She wished she could have expressed how she felt about him—told him about the revelation she’d had after they had killed the xenox. But the words had stuck in her throat—it wasn’t fair to do that to him. Wasn’t fair to tell him she loved him in one breath and explain that they could never be together in the next. Because they couldn’t—no matter how she wished they could. It just wasn’t possible.

She thought about the vault, filled with dirty secrets and memories so horrible she couldn’t even bear to remember. Whatever was in there was bad—so bad that if she let it come out into the main part of her brain, she might never be the same again. The AllFather had done that to her—had forced her to relive those ugly times—and it had nearly driven her insane. Only the time she’d spent in the stasis chamber had allowed her to push everything back where it belonged—behind the vault door. I can’t go through that again, she told herself. I can’t. And it isn’t fair to Merrick to tell him how I feel when there’s no hope of us ever being together. I’d be better off just going through with our original plan of dissolving the bond and going back to James.

She knew from experience that her fiancé wouldn’t push her to remember her past. Why would he, when he barely listened when she talked about her day? With sudden clarity, Elise realized that was one reason she’d agreed to marry him. James was safe. He didn’t pry, didn’t demand that she tell him about her past and trust him to still love her. He had never asked for the key to her heart.

We’ll be like two strangers living together, Elise thought sadly, as she began to strip off her clothing in preparation for her dip in the stream. Two very cordial, friendly strangers, but two strangers all the same.

Merrick would never allow that, she was certain. The big Kindred demanded a level of intimacy that Elise wasn’t sure she could give. He wanted to know all of her—not just the surface part she presented to the world at large. But that was frightening—after years of living inauthentically, Elise wasn’t sure she even knew herself.

She was stripped down to her crimson bra and panties when a softy whinny interrupted her train of thought. Surprised, Elise looked down to see the tiny pale blue pony nosing at her calf. No, not a pony—a billib, she reminded herself. And I promised Merrick I wouldn’t have anything else to do with them.

She was about to shoo it away when the pony neighed and nudged her leg again… melting her heart. After all, she reasoned, the little fellow had followed her for miles through the jungle—a significant distance for such a small animal. And Merrick had said that she was safe by the water. So what harm could it do to just say goodbye to the tiny creature?

“Hey, little guy.” Elise put out her hand and the pony trotted onto her palm without hesitation. When she brought it close to her face, it nuzzled her cheek and snorted. Its breath smelled sweet, like honeysuckle and wedding cake frosting.

Unable to help herself, Elise cuddled the little animal for a minute. The pony whickered softly and nudged her, obviously loving the attention. Elise wished for a moment she could keep him but then she remembered her apartment didn’t even allow cats or dogs—let alone strange alien creatures that looked like a My Little Pony doll come to life.

Regretfully, she sat the little creature down on the blue-gray grass growing on the banks of the stream. “Sorry little guy, but this is goodbye. I’m really impressed that you followed me here but you’re going to have to go back to your family or herd or whatever you call them. So go on—go.” She made a gentle shooing motion but the pony just stood there staring at her, its head cocked to one side as though it was trying to understand.

“Look,” Elise told it. “Tomorrow I’m going in there.” She pointed to the Deep Blue, which looked even bluer now that Rageron’s sun was beginning to set. “I have to find a skrillix—a pain vine. Believe me, you don’t want to follow me,” she added. “It’s really dangerous and you’re such a little guy you might get hurt.”

The pony snorted and tossed its head. Almost as though it’s nodding yes, that it understands, Elise thought. And sure enough, the pony nuzzled her hand one more time and then trotted away.

Elise felt her heart drop but she told herself it was for the best. Her little friend needed to get back to the other ponies and she had to go into the Deep Blue and find the skrillix to break her bond with Merrick, even if it was the last thing she wanted to do. They had to—

Suddenly she realized that the pony wasn’t headed back into the blue-gray foliage of the normal jungle. Instead, it was trotting straight for the edge of the Deep Blue. Elise bit her lip as Merrick’s warnings all came back to her. It was dangerous in there, no doubt filled with poisonous plants and ravenous predators. And the little billib pony was headed straight into it.

“No!” she gasped, jumping to her feet. “No, come back, don’t go in there!”

The pony looked over its shoulder and made a snort, as though to acknowledge her, then kept right on going. It was almost to the edge of the deep indigo foliage now.

Elise began to panic. “No!” she exclaimed, running after the pony. “No, bad pony! Uh, I mean, bad billib! Do not go in there. Come back right now!”

The pony paid her not the least attention this time. It simply trotted happily right up into the edge of the Deep Blue…and disappeared from sight.

For a moment, Elise hesitated on the edge of the indigo foliage. “Whatever you do, don’t go into the Deep Blue by yourself,” Merrick had said. But after a lifetime of fighting for the rights of those helpless to defend themselves, she found it very hard to abandon the little creature who had followed her so far. Suddenly, a shrill whinny sounded just inside the dark blue jungle. Oh no! He’s in trouble!

Dressed only in her crimson bra and panties, and with no further thought for either Merrick’s warning or her own safety, Elise plunged into the Deep Blue.

* * * * *

Merrick had a bad feeling. Something wasn’t quite right—he could feel it through the bond. Elise was troubled about something…indecisive…worried. Probably just trying to decide if she’s really going to let me hold her or not tonight, he told himself uneasily. But he began making his way back toward their campsite anyway. He had an armful of the huge, blanket-sized yanyan leaves, which should be more than adequate to keep them comfortable that night. The leaves were smooth and silky on one side and furry on the other, making them ideal bedding material, no matter what the weather.

As he walked swiftly through the dense vegetation, Merrick felt Elise’s worry turn to anxiety and then to outright fear. What the hell was going on with her? “Elise?” he shouted, but he got no answering reply. “Goddess-damn it,” he growled to himself. “Elise!” he bellowed, putting everything he had into it.

But there was still no reply.

With a curse, Merrick dropped the yanyan leaves and began to run.

* * * * *

Elise thought she heard someone shouting something far off in another part of the jungle, but she wasn’t sure. Following the sound of the little billib pony’s whinnies, she had somehow gone much further into the Deep Blue than she’d ever meant to.

“Little guy?” she called, trying to keep her voice low, so as not to attract predators. “Hey, where are you? We need to get out of here now!”

She heard a whinny again and this time, to her relief, it was much closer. Scrambling over a fallen tree trunk, she found the little blue pony pawing at the base of a vast tree.

“Wow,” Elise murmured, looking up at the towering giant. It reminded her of the redwood forest back home on Earth—only even larger. The trunk was so thick it would have made a decent-sized house, if someone had hollowed it out, and its branches stretched so high into the jungle canopy that she couldn’t even see the leaves. “Okay, I admit that’s truly amazing,” she told the pony. “But we really have to be getting back now. I’m going to be in trouble if Merrick finds out I came in here without him—a lot of trouble.”

She bent down to scoop up the pony but to her surprise, he evaded her grasp and trotted to the foot of the massive tree. Snorting and shaking his mane, he pawed with one miniature hoof at a part of the tree trunk.

“What is it?” Elise asked, kneeling carefully in the indigo foliage. “What… are you trying to show me something?”

The pony snorted again and shook his head up and down, for all the world as though he was saying “yes!”

“All right, I’ll look,” Elise told him. “But I don’t know if I’ll see what you do. It’s getting dark in here and my eyes probably aren’t as good as yo—” She broke off suddenly, staring in amazement at what the pony had been pawing at.

It was a thick vine—as thick as her wrist—snaking its way up the side of the vast trunk. Long, thin branches sprouted off from the central vine. Branches with wickedly curved thorns and…

“Berries,” Elise breathed. “Red berries, just like Merrick said!” She looked at the pony in wonder. “I can’t believe it, little guy—you found me a skrillix. You’re such a smart boy!”

Elise selected one long, thin branch that seemed to have more berries than the others. Then, being very, very careful to avoid the thorns, she broke it off and held it up. “There! Now Merrick and I can head back tomorrow. You’re such a good boy,” she told the pony, patting it affectionately with her free hand. “Such a good b—”

“You dare!” The low, snarling voice behind her nearly made Elise drop the branch. Slowly, her heart pounding in her chest, she turned to face whoever had spoken.

It was a normal-looking man—well, if you considered a half-naked, muscular savage in a loincloth normal, Elise thought faintly. The point was, he seemed completely humanoid—all except for his long, blue-black hair and his indigo eyes, which glowed faintly in the dusk. “You dare!” he said again and Elise felt the words as well as hearing them—it was as though his voice was thrumming through her bones, playing her skeleton like a xylophone. It was a strange and unpleasant sensation, not to mention frightening.

“I…I’m sorry,” she said uncertainly. “I know I shouldn’t be here and I didn’t mean to trespass. It’s just that I followed my little pony—er, billib in here to keep him from getting hurt.”

The man glared at her, his blue eyes glowing even brighter. “A likely story. I can plainly see you came to steal, defile and blaspheme. And now you lie about it as well—I will not even test you. Truly, you are an outsider worthy of nothing but anger and swift retribution.”

“What?” Elise asked, her heart pounding. “Okay, I can see why you think I’m a thief, but I didn’t know this plant belonged to you. Look, I’ll just put it down here, all right?” She placed the small branch with its red berries carefully at the base of the tree and stood, her hands held out in a gesture of peace. “I’m not from around here,” she explained. “So please forgive me if I unknowingly broke any of your rules. I just…”

But the words died on her lips—the muscular savage was changing.

First his mouth and jaw seemed to lengthen, almost as though the bones inside them were deforming somehow. Then his eyes grew larger and the pupils turned to slits. Cat’s eyes, Elise thought numbly. My God, he’s got cat’s eyes. But how…what’s happening? How is he doing that?

But the change wasn’t done yet. As she watched him, the man’s ear grew more pointed and migrated up to the top of his head. His face lengthened even more until his mouth and nose formed a muzzle. His broad shoulders became broader and his blue-black hair seemed to spread down his body, changing his dusky skin into a furry pelt. Elise watched, speechless with horror, as his fingers lengthened into claws, each one needle sharp and obviously lethal. There was a swishing sound and suddenly the man had a tail—a long black one which waved from side to side, the same way a cat’s tail waves when it’s watching a mouse it wants to eat.

“Oh my God,” she gasped. “What—”

And then the strangely mutated cat-man pounced.

Chapter Twenty-four

Merrick followed Elise’s scent, his heart sinking when it mixed with that of a billib and then jumping in fear when it led him directly into the Deep Blue—the exact place he’d warned her not to go. Goddess damn it, couldn’t she stay out of trouble for one fucking minute? But under the anger he was mostly worried—scared to death that something might happen to her.

He gave up calling her name, not wanting to alert the Ancient Ones or any predators that might be around. Instead he followed her scent, weaving around trees and dodging through the indigo underbrush as quickly and quietly as he could.

He had come within sight of one of the massive grandfather trees, which he knew the Ancient Ones revered, when he heard voices. First it was just Elise, talking to either herself, or possibly the billib. Then a new voice joined the conversation—a deep, growling, somehow feline voice that seemed to echo through his bones.

The voice of an Ancient One.

Merrick felt a surge of fear from Elise. He tried to run faster but a partokk vine curled around his ankle, slowing him down. He had to waste precious seconds cutting himself free, and by then the growling, feline voice had risen to a crescendo.

He heard Elise scream just as he burst into the small, open space around the grandfather tree. He saw the Ancient One, already in its second form, launching itself toward her, no doubt intending to rip her to shreds with its claws.

“No!” Merrick bellowed. Throwing himself between the two of them, he grabbed the Ancient One’s wrists, stopping it just as it was about to tear into Elise. It was surprisingly strong, snarling and shifting in his grip, its mutated muzzle snapping inches from his face. I’m staring my fucking death in the face, he thought, dismay rippling through him. He didn’t know what Elise had done, but somehow she’d incited this guardian of the Deep Blue to a homicidal rage. And once the Ancient Ones set out to extract a toll, they never stopped until they got their pound of flesh.

“Trespasser,” the Ancient One snarled in a voice that echoed painfully in Merrick’s bones. “Blasphemer. Violator. Thief!”

“Wait a minute,” he grunted, using everything he had to grapple with the thing and keep it away from Elise. “My female meant you no harm, she just came into the Deep Blue following a billib, and I came following her to protect her. We are innocent of your charges.”

“Liar!” the Ancient One growled. “She came wearing the sacred color, which is forbidden to all. And then she stole a branch of the holy pain-vine. She must be punished!”

Merrick whipped his head to the side to look at Elise. She was crouched back against the trunk of the grandfather tree, wearing nothing but some red lace underwear that barely covered her breasts and pussy. Inwardly he groaned. So that was what the Ancient One meant when he said she was a blasphemer. Wearing the sacred color, red, within the Deep Blue, was sacrilege. Wearing it in the provocative, sexual way Elise was, was like going into a temple of the Goddess and pissing on the altar—unforgivable. Not only that, but he could see a broken branch of skrillix lying at her feet—clearly she’d taken it off the vine that grew up the side of the grandfather tree.

If Merrick had been with her, he would have warned her to avoid this particular vine at all costs. The skrillix was always considered blessed, but when it grew on one of the holy grandfather trees, it was sacred and completely untouchable. No wonder the Ancient One wanted to kill her—without knowing it, Elise had signed her own death warrant!

“I know how this looks,” he said, turning back to the being he was grappling with. Fuck but they were strong in their second form. “But it’s all a mistake. Elise is from off-planet—she didn’t know she was blaspheming or transgressing. You can’t kill her for simple ignorance.”

Finally the Ancient One stilled. He was about a half a head shorter than Merrick but his slitted cat eyes blazed up into Merrick’s ferociously. “Whether she deserves life or death will be for the Elders to decide,” he growled. “But for the theft of the sacred skrillix, she must be punished.”

“I understand,” Merrick said evenly. “But I am her protector. I will take her punishment on myself.”

The Ancient One’s eyes narrowed and somehow his strange paw hands slipped from Merrick’s grasp, getting away from him before he was ready to let go. “You do not know what you offer, outsider,” he hissed. “My claws are tipped with bitter anx venom—your pain would be intense and long lasting.”

Merrick moved warily, trying to keep himself between the angry Ancient and Elise. “No matter what you choose to do to me, seeing Elise punished would hurt me more.”

“Hers was the crime,” the Ancient insisted. “Hers should be the punishment. He darted to one side, cat-quick, forcing Merrick to dodge to keep between him and Elise.

“No,” Merrick insisted. “No, she—”

“I am coming,” the Ancient One hissed, his indigo eyes glowing. “For this night’s crimes, my claws shall taste blood. Protect her if you can, outsider.”

* * * * *

Elise gasped as Merrick grabbed her and shoved her against the tree trunk, pressing her bare back to its rough bark.

“What’s going on? What is he going to do?”

“Nothing to you, baby.” Merrick pressed against her, covering her from breast to ankles, shielding her with his body. “Just hold still and don’t try to run,” he growled.

“But that’s exactly what we have to do—run!” she protested. “We have the skrillix and the edge of the Deep Blue can’t be that far. We can make it, Merrick!”

“I might make it but you wouldn’t,” he said grimly. “The Ancient Ones are fucking fast and strong. He’d be on you in a heartbeat. Besides, we earned this punishment. We have to take it if we want to get out of here alive.”

“But—”she started to say and then there was a horrible ripping sound.

Merrick threw back his head and clenched his jaw. A hiss of pain escaped his gritted teeth.

“Merrick?” she asked, suddenly fearful. “What’s happening? What is he doing?”

“Just hold still,” he ground out. “It’ll be over soon. At least I fucking hope it will.”

“What?” Elise demanded. “What will be over?” Then she heard the ripping sound again and saw the face of the Ancient One, contorted with rage, appearing momentarily over Merrick’s shoulders. He raised one hand—no, paw was a better word now—and Elise saw that the sharp, curving claws were dripping with crimson. Blood, she thought faintly. Oh my God, that’s blood—Merrick’s blood!”

Suddenly she understood what was happening. While Merrick shielded her with his body, the Ancient One was tearing his back to ribbons with its claws. The ripping sound was Merrick’s shirt and the flesh underneath it being shredded.

This punishment was meant for me, she thought wildly. This is all my fault! Merrick told me not to come into the Deep Blue alone, but I didn’t listen. And now he has to suffer for my foolish, ignorant mistake.

“No!” she gasped and realized that tears were running down her cheeks. “No, please stop! This is my fault!” she called over Merrick’s shoulder, trying to get the Ancient One’s attention. “I’m the one you ought to punish—not him!” When the Ancient One didn’t reply, she tried pushing at Merrick’s chest. “Move, let me out. Let me take it,” she begged.

Merrick shook his head and winced as the cruel claws ripped into him again. “Not gonna happen, baby. You’d never survive this. Just hold still. Over…soon.” His deep, gravelly voice was growing fainter, and Elise began to wonder how much blood he was losing. Or maybe it was the bitter venom stuff the Ancient One had talked about—could that be taking a toll on him? Poisoning him?

“Merrick?” His head was hanging low and this time he didn’t respond. Panic began to well up inside Elise. She grabbed his face in both hands, feeling the rough scratch of his cheeks against her palms. “Merrick, answer me!” she insisted, pulling his face up.

“All right…” His voice was so soft now she could barely hear him. “Everything…all right.”

“No, it’s not! Not if you’re hurt. Not if you’re…” But Elise couldn’t make herself say the word “dying,” couldn’t even let herself think it. “Please,” she whispered, hot tears running down her cheeks. “Please, Merrick, don’t leave me!”

He didn’t answer. As she watched, his mismatched eyes rolled upward to show the whites. Gradually, like a mountain falling down in slow motion, he collapsed in a heap at her feet.

“Merrick!” she screamed. “Merrick!”

But there was no answer—none at all.

Chapter Twenty-five

Lissa was lost in the past.

She stumbled unseeing through the rainbow colored dunes, her eyes blind to the heat haze rising around her. The thin layer of sand hovering over her head was less than a millimeter thick now—her powers were waning and exhaustion and dehydration were taking their toll. The oasis she’d been aiming for was forgotten. Though her body continued its relentless journey toward the center of the desert, her mind was back on Tarsia, almost a decade ago. Reliving the aftermath of her parents’ death, remembering the teasing and taunts of the children and what Saber had said to her afterwards…

* * * * *

“Don’t cut it.”

“What?” She whirled to see him standing there, in the doorway to her bedroom—well, the room she’d been assigned by her adopted mother, anyway. It really didn’t have much of Lissa in it to personalize it. Just a small, palm-sized holo of her parents and Dak’s old stuffed queddy. The animal’s fake fur had been mostly loved off by her little brother and one ear was stained red with his blood, but it was all she had left of him and Lissa cherished it.

“I said, don’t cut it.” Saber came into the room and gestured to her hair, which Lissa had gripped tightly in one hand. In the other she held a gardening laser her adopted mother used to trim the gara bushes. “Especially not with that,” he added, stepping forward and taking the laser gently from her hand. “You’re just as likely to chop your head off if you’re not careful.”

“Why shouldn’t I cut it?” Lissa demanded. “You heard what Chainee and Yancee said. It’s ugly. I’m ugly.”

“You’re different,” he corrected her gently. “Different from them and that’s something they can’t forget or forgive.”

“Different or ugly—it’s the same thing.” Lissa looked back at the mirror she was standing in front of. In it she saw a girl with the wrong color hair and the wrong color eyes. A girl who didn’t belong.

Saber took another step toward her. “They’re short-sighted, bigoted idiots,” he said roughly. “They can’t see you as you really are. Or maybe they don’t want to because they’re jealous.”

“Jealous? Of me?” Lissa tried to laugh but it came out as more of a sob. “Why would anyone be jealous of me?”

“Because you’re not ugly at all. You…you’re beautiful.” Saber cleared his throat and his face, reflected behind hers in the mirror, was red. “I know I shouldn’t say that,” he added. “Since we’re from the same clan and living in the same household. But it’s true, Lissa. You…you’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen.”

Her breath caught in her throat. Could this really be happening? Could the most handsome and admired young man in the whole clan really be telling her he thought she was beautiful? He’s also your older brother and not just by clan—by adoption, which is an even more sacred binding, she reminded herself with a sharp twinge of conscience. Still, his statement was so startling she almost forgot to be upset.

“Thank you,” she said at last, feeling confused. “Do…do you really mean that?”

“I never lie,” Saber said softly. He was standing right behind her now, meeting her eyes in the mirror. Lissa felt her cheeks heat in a blush as their gazes locked and held but somehow she couldn’t look away. For the first time she realized that Saber’s eyes weren’t the plain, dark brown of most of the others in the clan. Instead, they were a lovely hazel with green and gold flecks.

“Your eyes,” she said. “They’re…”

“Different?” Saber laughed. “Don’t forget, my father is a Kindred too, just as yours was.”

Lissa sighed. “Your differences aren’t as noticeable though. And even if they were, you’d still be loved. You’re so handsome and…” Oh my Goddess, did I actually say that aloud? “And you’re the son of the Over Chief,” she went on hurriedly. “I’m just an orphan girl who doesn’t belong anywhere.”

“That’s not true,” Saber murmured. “You belong here with me.” He cleared his throat and his cheeks got red again. With us, I mean—with my family.”

“I don’t think so.” Lissa shook her head sadly. “Your father is very kind, but he’s so busy I almost never see him. And your mother, well, I don’t…don’t think she likes me very much,” she confessed in a low voice.

“Mame’ just takes awhile to warm up to new people,” Saber said gently. “Uh, I’m a little like that myself. I know I haven’t spoken to you much since you came here. I’m sorry about that.”

“You’ve always been kind though,” Lissa said softly. “You…you woke me up from that bad dream I was having.”

“It must have been some nightmare.” He looked troubled. “You were crying out your parents’ names and shaking like a leaf.”

Lissa looked down. “I was dreaming…of the way they died,” she whispered. “Of what the pirates did to them…”

“Don’t.” Saber sounded so distressed she was surprised into looking up. “Don’t,” he said again, his hazel eyes filled with concern. “Unless you need to talk about it—and if you do, I’ll listen. But don’t dwell on it otherwise. Don’t put yourself through it all over again.”

“I can’t help it,” Lissa admitted. “Even if I try not to think of it, it still comes back to me in my dreams. I…I should have died with them, you know. With my mame’ and pape’ and Dak. We should all be together now with the Goddess.”

“Don’t say that,” Saber said fiercely. Taking her by the shoulders, he turned her to face him. “Don’t even think it, Lissa. If you had died too, then I never would have gotten the chance to know you. You would have still been just a mysterious girl who appeared every six solar months or so and then left again with her parents on another trading mission. We never would have spoken a word to each other.”

She looked up at him, wide-eyed. “Do you really care that much? I mean, would you care if you hadn’t met me?”

“Of course.” Saber stroked her cheek, very gently with just his fingertips.

“Oh!” Lissa shivered at the tender brush of his fingers against her skin. No male and female of the same clan should share such a touch. Though there was nothing sexual in the feel of Saber’s hand on her, it was still…intimate. She waited uneasily for the feeling of wrongness to kick in. The uncomfortable, squirmy feeling she’d been told would overcome her if she was doing something evil or incestuous…but no such feeling came.

“You have a light around you, do you know that?” Saber asked in a low voice, ducking his head to look into her eyes. “I saw it the first moment you stepped in our door. You brighten every room you walk into and you don’t even know it.”

“I…” Lissa looked down in confusion, once again at a loss for words.

“I’ve wanted to talk to you before now,” Saber went on. “Only I didn’t know what to say. And I wanted to do more than wake you up that night you were having the bad dream. You looked so hurt—sounded so lost. I…I wanted to chase away your fears. To protect you from anything bad and evil. I wanted to be everything to you. Wanted to be your…your…” He shook his head, as though at a loss for words.

“Moch Daer,” Lissa finished for him in a soft voice. The name meant so many things to her people—cherished older brother, protector, confidant, best friend. It was the closest relationship a male and female of the same clan could have. She had never dreamed she would ever have a Moch Daer, especially not one as handsome and kind as Saber, but here he was, plainly offering, to her surprise and delight. Or was he? He hesitated so long she became sure she’d overstepped herself. But then, finally he nodded.

“Yes, I would be the one you call Moch Daer, if you will consent to be my amalla.”

Lissa felt her heart skip a beat. ‘Beloved little sister,’ the term meant—‘darling of my heart.’ Did Saber really feel that strongly about her? “I…I would love to be claimed as your amalla,” she whispered. “If…if you wish to claim me.”

“I do.” Impulsively, Saber drew her close and pressed a chaste, gentle kiss to her forehead. His breath was warm against her skin and Lissa felt a wave of heat go through her. The touch of his fingertips to her cheek had been risky enough, but for him to actually hold her, to kiss her…

Once more she waited anxiously for the feeling of incestuous wrongness…and once more it didn’t come. Had the kinship compound both she and Saber been injected with at birth been faulty or ineffective for some reason? Or was this touch between them all right simply because it wasn’t meant to be sexual? Lissa had no idea—she had no experience in such matters and knew only what she’d been taught since birth—that touching a male of the same clan she’d been born into was the rankest and most disgusting form of incest. That it was the worst thing she could do—worse, even, than murder.

And yet somehow, despite everything she’d been taught, Lissa couldn’t stop herself from melting against him. It was the first time she’d been hugged since her family had died and Saber’s touch fed a deep need inside, a hunger she hadn’t even known existed. She buried her face in his broad chest and breathed him in, a rich, wild, masculine spice that made her head spin. At the same time she felt him press his face to her hair and inhale, breathing her in as well. His arms around her felt so strong…so right. But how could it be right when she knew to the core of her being what they were doing was wrong? Reluctantly, she moved to get away from him.

Saber released her at once. “Forgive me,” he murmured, looking ashamed. “I know I shouldn’t have done that, that it’s wrong. But somehow it doesn’t feel wrong.”

“It doesn’t feel wrong to me either,” Lissa admitted in a low voice. “Maybe because we weren’t doing anything…” Sexual. But she couldn’t get the word out and her face was so hot it felt like it was on fire. Saber seemed to understand her, though.

“Maybe,” he said, nodding. Sighing, he took a step away from her. “I suppose I should go to my own room now. If Mame’ comes back from the market early…”

Lissa shivered. She knew exactly what would happen if her adopted mother caught them in such an illicit embrace. And yet, she was still reluctant to part with Saber. Still sad to see him go.

“We’ll talk more later,” he promised, obviously seeing the sadness in her eyes. “And things will be better from now on—especially at school. I promise.”

“Maybe,” Lissa said doubtfully. “But Chainee and Yancee—”

Saber’s hazel eyes flashed. “You’re mine now—I claim you as my amalla. Anyone who bothers you will answer to me.” Reaching out, he stroked a lock of her long hair out of her eyes. “Promise me something—promise that you’ll never cut it, no matter what.”

“I…” Lissa swallowed hard, her heart pounding strangely against her ribs. “I promise…Moch Daer.”

“Good.” He smiled, clearly pleased by her use of the tender nickname. “Because it’s beautiful, my sweet amalla. So never cut it. Never cut it. Never…”

* * * * *

“Never cut it,” Lissa mumbled to herself through dry, parched lips. But wasn’t that exactly what she’d come out here to do? A pilgrimage…a sacrifice…an offering to the Goddess, begging for forgiveness of her many sins.

She felt so tired, so hopeless. The last of her strength was almost depleted. The sheltering layer of sand she’d kept aloft to shield her from the sun had finally collapsed, leaving her exposed to its merciless rays. And still she staggered on, thinking only of Saber.

Even then I wanted to touch him, she thought as the rainbow desert swam into view around her. Even at that young age, the evil desire had already rooted itself in my heart. And now it has grown as long as my hair—I must cut it off!

This last thought didn’t quite seem to make sense, and yet at the same time, it was the most perfectly sensible thing Lissa had ever heard. She still had the knife in one hand—she just needed to use it on the mass of jade-streaked blonde that flowed down her bare back.

But I was going to wait until I got to the oasis. Where is it?

Lifting her head, she was amazed to see it just in front of her, a few yards away. It wasn’t much—just a single zaben bush that grew beside a tiny pool, bubbling up from some deep well underground. But to Lissa it looked like paradise.

She stumbled forward, one hand outstretched as though she could bring the water to her just by reaching for it. Somehow, even in her daze, the Goddess had led her to this spot, had helped her find water just when she was about to die of thirst.

“Thank you Goddess!” she moaned, and then fell to her knees, just inches from the pool. Her whole body cried out for a drink of the cool, life-giving water that bubbled up before her, but Lissa had other business to tend to first. She had promised the Goddess a sacrifice and so she must give it, before attending to her own needs.

Taking a deep breath, she grasped a thick hank of her hair and put the knife blade to it. But before she could begin sawing at the blonde and jade strands, a deep voice from behind interrupted her.

“You promised never to cut it.”

Certain she must be hallucinating again, Lissa turned slowly to see the speaker.

“Saber?” she whispered through dry lips. It couldn’t be him—could it? But there was no mistaking his handsome face. And no denying that the three years they had spent apart had changed him. There were faint lines around his mouth and the corners of his eyes that hadn’t been there before. And his eyes…his hazel eyes looked so much older. So much sadder.

“Lissa,” he murmured, frowning. “What are you doing here…like this?”

Suddenly Lissa realized she was still completely nude. Never had she allowed him to see her bare body before but here she was, completely exposed. She wanted to cover herself but she felt so weak, so tired and dizzy. If only she could drink but she had to cut her hair first. Only Saber didn’t want her to cut her hair—it was all very confusing.

“Pilgrimage,” she muttered at last. “Quest for…forgiveness. Redemption.”

Saber frowned. “Forgiveness for what, amalla?”

“You know.” Lissa shook her head but the gesture made her even more dizzy. “You know…Moch Daer.”

She wanted to ask him what he was doing here, how he had found her. Why was he on First World at all? But his image wavered and the world spun around her. Just another hallucination…another illusion, she thought. He isn’t real, and now I truly am going to die, just as I deserve.

The rainbow desert spun around her like a multicolored cloud and then she knew no more.

Chapter Twenty-six

The Ancient Ones carried Merrick’s limp form through the jungle and up into one of their houses, which were situated in the thick branches of one of the redwood-like trees. There were three of these trees, grouped in a large clearing which seemed to be the site of some kind of marketplace. Elise heard them called “grandfather trees”—not that anyone talked to her. The Ancient Ones had come while she was still clinging to Merrick’s body and crying her eyes out and lifted him right out from under her, despite her protests. Then they ignored her completely as they carried him away.

Elise had run after them, trying to keep up. They were all big males—though none as big as Merrick—but even burdened with his body, they moved with surprising speed and grace through the indigo jungle.

When they came to the clearing she watched in amazement as they climbed up the side of one of the huge grandfather trees, still carrying him. She couldn’t see how in the world they’d done it—there didn’t seem to be any steps or stairs or ladders. The Ancient Ones didn’t seem to need them. They swarmed up the side of the vast trunk like ants, leaving Elise behind on the ground, feeling frantic. They were taking Merrick where she couldn’t follow—what was she going to do?

“Please,” she called after them. “Please, I need to get up!”

“You need help, outsider?” a small voice said.

“Yes. Yes, please!” Elise looked around wildly, searching for the owner of the voice. It belonged to a child—a little boy, she thought—that looked to be no older than six or seven. He had the same brilliant indigo eyes as the rest of the Ancient Ones as well as the same blue-black hair. In his arms was a small animal that looked disturbingly like a live teddy bear. What the hell? Elise wondered wildly. How many animals that look like toys do they have on this damn planet? And what's next—a walking, talking Barbie doll? A real-life Pokemon?

The boy must have seen her staring at the small animal in his arms because he smiled and stroked its head. "His name is Fa-la and he's a zichther. Don't worry, he won't bite. Do you want to pet him?"

"No. No, thank you." Elise shook her head, trying to clear the strange thoughts. “I have to get up there but I can’t…I don’t see any way up,” she told him, gesturing at the tree.

“Oh, that's easy—just use the vines. See?” He showed Elise a series of blue vines wrapped around the tree’s trunk, which were nearly invisible because they were the exact same color as the tree they encircled. These formed a kind of ladder up into the higher branches of the vast grandfather tree.

“Oh, thank you.” She gave him a smile through her tears. “Thank you so much, little guy.”

“My name is Amatoo—Tooy for short.” He smiled at her and then frowned. “Why are you dressed like that? You shouldn’t wear the sacred color—it’s bad.”

“I didn’t mean to end up here dressed like this,” Elise told him. “But—”

“Tooy, come here at once! Get away from her!” A slightly older, female child grabbed the little boy’s arm and pulled him away. She gave Elise a horrified look and began dragging Tooy across the busy forest floor.

“Goodbye, outsider!” he called and the girl—probably his older sister—hushed him in a scandalized voice.

“Goodbye,” Elise waved at him and then turned her attention to the tree. Luckily there was a rock-climbing wall at the gym she frequented and though she didn’t make it a part of every workout, she was good enough at it to get up the tree using the vines.

When she got to the top, she saw the Ancient Ones who had taken Merrick disappearing into a hut made of blanket-sized leaves, perched on a vast branch as wide as a highway. She ran quickly after them and watched for a moment. They weren't in the hut long—they came out without Merrick after only a moment or two. Elise managed to duck inside the hanging curtain of blue leaves just as the last of them was leaving.

Inside, it was dim, with blue shadows dancing on the walls from some unknown light source. The blue gloom was ominous…dangerous. Elise didn’t care about that, though—she didn’t care about anything but Merrick. She had to find out the extent of his injuries and try to do something for him.

The Ancient Ones had deposited him on his stomach, leaving the ragged expanse of his bloody, raw back exposed. Just looking at it made Elise feel sick.

“Oh, Merrick,” she whispered, stroking his rough cheek. “I’m so sorry. So, so sorry.” She didn’t even know how he was still alive after such horrible trauma, though she supposed he must be, since she was still breathing, and they were linked by the bond. But what could she do for him? How could she heal him or get him some medical attention? She was pretty sure they didn’t have 911 on Rageron, so what else—

“Move, girl-child.” The ancient, creaky voice right behind her left shoulder startled Elise so much she nearly screamed. She turned to see an old woman hobbling forward, leaning on a cane. Unlike the young, vigorous warriors and the children Elise had seen, she truly looked like an Ancient One—her face was a fine net of wrinkles and her indigo eyes had faded to a soft periwinkle. She was wearing a robe that covered most of her body, like the other female Ancient Ones Elise had seen in the forest floor below. Apparently loincloths were only for men.

“What…who are you?” she asked breathlessly.

“Mother Healer, they call me.” The old woman looked at Merrick’s back and clicked her tongue disapprovingly. “A grave punishment he took.” She pointed her cane at Elise. “And all for you, girl-child. All for you.”

“I know,” Elise said miserably. “I ignored his warnings and did exactly what he told me not to do, and he was the one who got punished for it. But honestly, I didn’t know I was breaking your customs,” she continued earnestly. “I swear I didn’t do it on purpose. I had no idea—”

“Ignorance is no excuse for wrongdoing,” snapped the old woman. “Now get back and let me work!”

She all but pushed Elise out of the way and then fetched a bowl of hot, steaming purple water. Into this she dipped small pale pink leaves, one at a time, and laid them in an overlapping pattern on Merrick’s wounded back. She moved surprisingly quickly and without stopping. Only when his entire back was covered did she sit back and contemplate her work.

“This will do for now,” she said, nodding. “It will draw out most of the venom and heal the skin—though there will of course be some scarring.”

Elise gave a broken laugh. “I’m sure he won’t mind. He has plenty of scars already.”

“On the inside and the out. As do you.” Mother Healer looked at her sharply.

“I…I don’t know what you mean,” Elise said, taken aback at the sudden attack.

“Indeed you do.” The old woman pointed at her. “The ki-ki leaves will heal his back, but there will still be poison in the wounds. He will have much pain.”

“Pain?” Elise bit her lip. “But…isn’t there anything you can do? Anything you can give him?”

“You were the cause of his punishment—only you can help his pain, girl-child.”

And with that cryptic remark, she hobbled away.

* * * * *

Merrick opened his eyes with a groan. He was lying on some kind of a grass mat and it felt like someone had painted his entire back with liquid fire.

“What in the seven hells?” he growled, trying to get up and failing. “What’s wrong with me? What’s happening?”

“You’re sick. You’ve been wounded.” Elise sat beside him, her brown eyes wet with tears and filled with worry. “You’ve been out for days. The only time you stirred was when Mother Healer changed the dressing on your back.”

“My back?” He shifted experimentally and groaned. “Fuck, that hurts!”

Elise bit her lip. “I’m sorry. She said the leaves she used drew out most of the venom but there’s still some left in there. I don’t…I’m not sure how long it will take to dissipate.”

Merrick nodded stoically and closed his eyes. “All right. I’ll deal with it.”

“But you shouldn’t have to deal with it!” Elise burst out. “I should be the one dealing with it. You should have let me take the punishment—I was the one who earned it.”

Merrick opened his eyes again and frowned up at her. “Like hell I should. Didn’t I tell you I’d protect you no matter what? Besides…” He sighed. “I’d rather be in pain than see you hurting. It’s easier…better.”

“Not for me.” Tears welled up in her deep brown eyes as she looked down at him. “I’m so sorry, Merrick—I shouldn’t have disregarded your warning. I didn’t mean to—it’s just that the little blue pony, I mean billib, I saved from the xenox followed me all the way to camp. And then when I tried to send him away, he went straight into the Deep Blue.”

“So you ran after him to save him again, of course,” Merrick growled. He didn’t know whether to be amused or annoyed. What the hell was it with Elise and the damn billibs?

She nodded. “Yes, I meant to just grab him and bring him right back out into the regular jungle again, but then he found a skrillix plant for me. And I thought, ‘Oh perfect, I’ll just take a branch with me and all our troubles will be over.’” She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. “Guess I was wrong about that, huh?”

“Guess so,” Merrick grunted. “Damn it, I need to get up and see how bad my back is.” He hoisted himself into a sitting position and flexed experimentally despite Elise’s protests. His back no longer felt like it was on fire—now it felt like ten thousand barsian wasps were stinging it. Merrick winced. Fuck, the venom in that bastard’s claws was no laughing matter. He wondered how long it would take to work out of his system.

“How do you feel?” Elise asked anxiously.

Merrick took one look at her eyes—still wet from tears—and knew he couldn’t tell her the truth. “It’s a little tight,” he said, flexing again and trying to repress a groan. “But nothing I can’t live with.”

“Lies are a honey on the lips and poison in the ears,” said a new voice.

Merrick turned quickly to see who was sneaking up behind him. The sudden move made it feel like he’d been hit with lightening right between the shoulder blades. This time he couldn’t completely suppress his groan of pain.

“See? Lies.” The speaker was an old woman, dressed in the long, flowing blue robe traditional to the females of the Ancient Ones. Elise was wearing one too, he noticed. Probably gave it to her to cover up her sacrilegious red underwear, he though dryly.

“Who are you?” His voice came out in a croak.

“This is Mother Healer,” Elise said. “She’s been looking after you—both of us, really.” She tried to smile but Merrick got the feeling that though she was grateful to the old woman, she wasn’t very comfortable around her. Probably because it’s damn hard to be comfortable around someone who disapproves of you, he thought as the old woman shot Elise a sour look.

“Thank you for tending my back,” he said, bowing his neck stiffly. The bolt of pain that shot down his spine made him regret the gesture at once.

“You were severely wounded. There was only so much I could do.” She sniffed. “You are lucky your kind heal quickly, Kindred.”

“Not quickly enough, I guess,” he said with another wince. “My back still feels raw.”

“It is not, though.” Coming around behind him, she began stripping something off his back in a quick, businesslike manner.

Merrick watched as the little pink leaves she’d put on his back fluttered down and tried not to wince as they came off. When the last one was gone, he heard Elise breathe a soft exclamation of surprise.

“Oh, it’s all healed! There are nothing but scars now. A lot of scars, but still…”

“I’ve got plenty of scars. A few more won’t bother me,” Merrick said automatically. But if the wounds are all scarred over, why does it still hurt so fucking much?

“The lingering pain is the result of bitter anx venom still trapped under your skin. It will not dissipate until you receive the antidote.”

“What antidote?” Merrick demanded at the same time Elise said,

“Do you have any?”

“Bitter anx is derived from the jiree plant—the redemption plant, we call it. If you had been punished for your own sins, your only cure would be to right the wrong you had caused in the first place,” the old woman lectured. “But because you were wounded for this girl-child, another antidote is necessary.”

“What?” Merrick growled, beginning to lose patience. “Just tell me what to do or where to go.”

Mother-Healer frowned. “The only cure for your agony is the female life-essence of the one you were wounded for. Only she whose punishment you took may heal your hurt.”

Merrick knew at once what she was talking about, and his heart sank. “No,” he said, shaking his head firmly. “No—not going to happen.”

“What’s not going to happen?” Elise demanded. “What—how can I help? What can I do?”

“Nothing,” Merrick growled, before the old woman could answer. “Not a fucking thing, baby, so don’t worry about it.”

“But…” Elise was clearly frustrated but that was too damn bad as far as Merrick was concerned.

Mother-Healer didn’t seem to care either way. “Very well,” she said shrugging. “Then you must prepare yourself for a year and a day of agony.” Rising, she pointed at the little pink leaves she’d stripped off his back. “Gather these and throw them to the winds. Then move yourself into the guest’s sleeping chamber at the far end of the hall. I’m tired of having you in the middle of my floor, taking up space.”

Merrick did as she asked, moving stiffly and trying not to let the pain he was feeling show in his eyes as he picked up the leaves. He had a year and a day of this burning agony to look forward to, so he might as well get used to it. Elise walked silently beside him, but he could feel her worry and frustration clearly through their link. And something else as well…hunger. It was like a roaring beast inside her, throwing itself at the bars of its cage, desperate to get out. But he saw none of the desperation he felt inside Elise on her face. Guess I’m not the only one who can lie with my eyes, he thought grimly.

They went outside together into the deep blue dusk and he noted that they were high in one of the grandfather trees. The broad road-sized limb they were on was mostly quiet with only a few women and children passing along it, but Merrick could hear more activity in the rustling branches above their heads. The Ancient Ones must have a whole city up here, situated in the branches of this one tree. How the hell had they gotten him up here while he was passed out? He would have been dead weight—and with his size and muscle mass, he wasn’t exactly the lightest male in the galaxy.

“It took four of their biggest guys to get you up here,” Elise said, answering his unspoken question. “I couldn’t see how they had gotten up the tree and I was scared to death they’d take you away and I’d never see you again.” She let go of a handful of the pale pink leaves and watched as they fluttered away on the wind. “Then a little boy named Tooy showed me how to climb up the vines on the side of the tree. The Ancients dumped you in Mother Healer’s house and that’s where we’ve been ever since. This is the first time I’ve been outside since we got here.” She took a deep breath, as though savoring the rich air of the indigo jungle.

“How many days was I out?” Merrick asked, as casually as he could, scattering his own double handful of leaves.

“Four.” Elise let go of the last of her pale pink leaves and then dusted her hands together. “Well, we’d better get back inside.”

She started to turn but Merrick grabbed her wrist. “Wait.”

“What?” She looked up at him wide-eyed.

“You’re hungry,” Merrick growled. “So fucking hungry you’re nearly starving. And no wonder—I’ve been out four days and you haven’t done a damn thing to feed yourself.”

“What was I supposed to do?” she snapped, yanking her wrist away. “Hump your leg while you were passed out? You were lying right in the middle of Mother-Healer’s floor and she already thinks I’m the Whore of Babylon because I was wearing my nice red underwear when we got here.”

“You could have done something to help yourself. To get skin-to-skin contact while I was out,” Merrick countered. “You knew I wouldn’t care.”

“I did,” she said defensively. “I helped change the dressing on your back. And, well…” She looked down at her feet. “I spent a lot of time stroking your cheek…watching you sleep.” She cleared her throat. “It wasn’t much but it was enough to keep me from going into, uh, withdrawal.”

Merrick had a sudden vision of her kneeling beside him on the grass mat and gently stroking his face as she guarded his slumber. Abruptly his anger left him, replaced with a surge of emotion so strong it nearly knocked him off the tree branch. Damn it, how could he be upset with her now?

“Ah, baby…” he sighed.

“Can we please go back inside now?” Elise’s cheeks were pink with embarrassment. “It’s getting dark fast and I don’t want to risk walking off the side of the branch because I can’t see past the end of my own nose.”

“Sure. Let’s go.” Merrick led the way back to the leaf hut. The hut had an empty feel and Mother-Healer was nowhere to be seen. Well, maybe she was down at the marketplace getting supplies. He fervently hoped that some of what she was getting was food. After four days without, he was starving. Yet, his physical hunger was nothing compared to the emotional hunger Elise was feeling. Merrick frowned—time to do something about that, right now. “Come on,” he told Elise. “Let’s go check out my new room.”

She shrugged, apparently thinking the subject of her hunger was dropped. “Okay.”

They went down the hallway and entered the room at the very end, just as the old woman had directed. Inside was a large, low sleeping platform covered in a quilt of yanyan leaves which had been stitched together with plant fibers.

Merrick lowered himself stiffly to the platform and felt the soft give as it took his weight. The mattress was probably stuffed with dweezle fluff—a soft, downy substance that grew on the edge of the Deep Blue. The Rageron natives gathered it too and the Ancient Ones never complained—it was almost directly between the regular jungle and the Deep Blue and there was always plenty to go around for both races.

Elise hovered uncertainly beside him, as though she wasn’t sure if she should stand or sit.

“Come here.” Merrick reached up and dragged her down into his lap. At once she began to struggle.

“Let me go!”

“No,” he said roughly. “Not until we feed your hunger.”

“No!” Elise insisted, pushing at his chest.

Merrick growled in frustration. “You’re starving! Why in the seven hells not?” he demanded, glaring at her.

Elise glared right back. “Because I refuse to let you help me until you let me help you.”

“Help me? Help me how?” He frowned.

Elise put a hand on her hip. “Don’t pretend like you don’t remember. Mother-Healer told you the only antidote to the venom in your back was my life-essence. So here.”

To his surprise, she shoved the inside of her wrist against his mouth and began pressing hard against his fangs.

“What the hell?” Gently but firmly he removed her wrist. “What do you think you’re doing, baby?”

“Giving you my essence,” she insisted. “My blood—isn’t that what she meant? Come on, Merrick—bite me. Take what you need.”

He shook his head and pushed her gently out of his lap. “No, baby, it isn’t your blood that I need. That’s not what Mother-Healer meant by your female life-essence.”

“Well, then what?” she demanded. “I don’t understand!”

“You don’t have to,” he growled. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll be fine.”

“Like hell you will!” Elise shouted at him. “I got you into this mess, Merrick and I can see you’re in pain. Why won’t you let me help you?”

“Because I don’t need your help. I feel fine.” He rose from the sleeping platform angrily but the gesture sent bolts of pain down his back and he groaned out loud before he could stop himself.

Elise narrowed her eyes. “Liar.”

“Liar yourself,” he countered. “Why were you acting like you weren’t hungry, pretending everything was fine when I woke up?”

“Because.” Elise’s voice suddenly got low and she looked away. “Because sometimes if you pretend hard enough, things actually are fine.”

“That’s not true and deep down inside you know it.” He sank back down on the bed, cursing when the pain ran down his back again.

“Mother-Healer said you’d have that pain a year and a day if you didn’t get the antidote,” Elise said softly. “Tell me, Merrick, how long is a year on Rageron?”

He sighed. “The planet rotates on its axis every twenty-five hours, so our days last just a little longer than yours on Earth.”

She raised an eyebrow at him. “And the years?”

Merrick gritted his teeth. “Rageron makes a very slow orbit around its sun, so one of our years is about equal to ten Earth years. Satisfied?”

“Ten Earth years?” Elise looked horrified. “That’s awful! You can’t live with this pain for ten years!”

“I’ve lived with other, deeper pains for longer than that,” Merrick said stoically. “I’ll get used to this one, too.”

“But why?” Suddenly, Elise got down on her knees in front of him. Grasping his big hands between her small ones, she looked up into his eyes. “Why put up with it when I can help you? Please, Merrick, please…just let me help.”

“I can’t,” he said heavily. “Don’t ask me, baby—don’t ask me to ask you.”

“Ask me what? Please, Merrick, just tell me how I can help—how I can heal you?”

His back felt like it was on fire and his head throbbed. Finally his last thread of patience broke. “Look at me, Elise,” he demanded, raising her chin so they were eye to eye. “The reason I can’t ask for your help is that I don’t want to hurt or scare you. Because the only fucking way you can heal me is to spread your thighs and let me lap your sweet pussy.”

Elise looked shocked. “…what?” she whispered faintly, at last.

“That’s right.” Seeing the scared, shocked look on her face, Merrick felt a bolt of bitter satisfaction. He was right not to have asked her, right to assume she wouldn’t be able to give what he needed. “Your female life-essence isn’t your blood,” he told Elise roughly. “It’s your cunt honey. The sweet nectar your pussy makes when you’re hot, baby. Now do you get why I didn’t want to ask? If you can’t handle me fingering your sweet little cunt, how would you be able to stand me tasting it?”

Chapter Twenty-seven

“I don’t understand.” Elise shook her head, feeling hot and cold all over. “I don’t see how letting you do…that could heal you.”

Merrick sighed. “I don’t fully understand it either. I do know that the Ancient Ones have a symbiotic—almost telepathic—relationship with some of the sentient plants that grow in the deep blue. It could be that the plant’s venom reacted to the Ancient One’s wishes when he punished me.” He ran a hand over his hair—which was beginning to grow out a little—and winced. No doubt the movement had sent pain down his back. “They have a very black and white idea of right and wrong here,” he told Elise.

“An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth,” she murmured.

He frowned. “I’ve never heard that, but yeah, that about sums it up.”

Elise took a deep breath. “So that…letting you taste me really would heal you?”

He shrugged and winced. “Got no reason to believe otherwise, since that’s what Mother-Healer said.” He sighed. “But it doesn’t matter because I’m not going to do it.”

Elise bit her lip. “Why?”

Merrick gave her a sharp look. “Because you wouldn’t be able to stand it.” His voice dropped to a soft, sexual growl. “Don’t get me wrong, baby. There’s nothing I’d like more than to be between your legs, lapping your sweet little cunt. But you jump every time I touch you. There’s no way you could stand to let me do it.”

Elise looked down at her hands, which were trembling in her lap. “What if…what if I could? What if we just tried?”

“No,” Merrick said at once. “I told you, I don’t want to hurt or scare you. Don’t want to do anything that might bring back…bad memories.”

“That’s the thing,” Elise said slowly. “I don’t…think it will.” Like when he kissed me, I was fine with it. Because that wasn’t part of…of what’s buried in the vault. She closed her eyes and tried to think…tiptoed to the door of the vault and tried to feel inside without actually opening it. Had he ever done anything like that to her? Elise didn’t think so. It didn’t feel dangerously familiar as it had when Merrick had urged her to touch herself. She opened her eyes and looked at him. “I’m pretty sure it will be okay,” she said cautiously.

“Pretty sure?” He frowned. “I don’t know if that’s good enough for me.”

“Well, it’ll have to be good enough,” Elise snapped nervously. “Because that’s the best I can do without…without dredging everything up.”

“At least you admit there’s something to dredge up,” he remarked, looking at her speculatively.

Elise sighed. “I know I freaked out on you before. It’s just…I don’t want to talk about it. Don’t want to think about it. I just…I just want to pretend nothing ever happened.”

Merrick sighed. “All right baby, I understand.”

She looked at him hopefully. “You do?”

“Sure.” He nodded. “Didn’t I tell you that you’re not the only one with shit in their childhood? I have some memories I don’t want to dwell on either.”

She felt a swell of gratitude. “Thank you,” she whispered. “Thank you for not making me talk about it.”

“Of course not.” He cupped her cheek tenderly. “I would never force you to remember pain you want to forget. Only…” He sighed.

“Only what?” Elise asked anxiously, looking up at him.

“This is the Deep Blue,” Merrick said. “Things happen here…secrets have a way coming out.”

“Maybe they would if we stayed here long enough, but we won’t, will we?” she asked hopefully. “I mean, now that you’re up and around…”

“We still have to get the skrillix,” he reminded her. “But hopefully since we’ve already taken the punishment for its theft, they’ll let us keep the branch you broke off. We’ll see.”

“I don’t want to talk about that now, anyway.” Rising, Elise sat beside him on the wide bed with its leaf coverlet. “I want to talk about helping you,” she said softly. “Healing you.”

He frowned down at her. “You really think you can handle it?”

Elise nodded, trying to feel confident. “I do. I really do.” She lowered her eyes. “I’ll probably be more embarrassed than anything else.”

“Embarrassed?” Merrick raised an eyebrow at her. “Why the hell would you be embarrassed?”

“Because you have to…you know, taste me, in order to get well and—"

"No, not have to," Merrick interrupted her. "I get to. Didn’t I tell you how much I wanted to taste your sweet pussy?”

“Well…yes,” Elise admitted. “But, I mean, isn’t that just something guys say?”

“Maybe human men,” Merrick growled. “But not Kindred—we’re different.”

Elise dared to look up at him. “Different how?”

“It’s like a need for us—the desire to taste our women.” His eyes were half-lidded with lust as he spoke. “A compulsion we couldn’t fight, even if we wanted to. Which I sure as hell don’t.”

“Really?” Elise asked.

“Really.” He nodded. “It’s like an ache inside me that’s been growing since I first found you in that damn stasis tube. I’ve been wanting to taste you, been wanting to spread your legs and get between your thighs, from the first minute I laid eyes on you.”

“Oh,” Elise whispered. The hungry way he looked at her made her feel like a thousand butterflies had just taken flight inside her stomach. “I…I didn’t know,” she said.

“Now you do.” To her surprise, Merrick moved to the center of the bed and then, slowly and carefully, lay back. “Come here.” He gestured with one hand.

“Doesn’t it hurt your back to lay on it?” Elise asked.

“Not if I don’t move around too much. It’s all scarred over,” he reminded her. “Just hurts because of the venom now—nothing to do with whether I touch it or put pressure on it or not.”

“Okay.” Carefully, she crawled over to him, her heart pounding. “Um…how do you want to do this?”

“I don’t. Not yet.” He reached out an arm for her. “First I want to hold you. Will you let me do that, baby?”

This was what Elise had been wishing for, imagining, dreaming of all the long, lonely nights he was passed out from the pain. The feeling of his large, muscular arms around her, his scent filling her senses, the comfort of his touch. A wave of longing so deep she couldn’t even express it flowed over her. “Yes…” she whispered. “God, yes.”

“Then come here, baby,” he growled softly, obviously catching her desperate emotions through their bond. “Come take what you need.”

“I will. But first…” Feeling for the small fastening at her throat, Elise let the long indigo robe she’d been wearing slip from her shoulders and fall in a puddle around her waist. She’d long since gotten rid of the offensive (to the Ancient Ones, anyway) red underwear and she was bare beneath the light material. She felt a twinge of embarrassment about her nudity as she let the robe drift to the floor, but she couldn’t help herself—the hunger was too strong to deny. She needed Merrick’s touch and only the feel of her bare skin against his would alleviate that need.

Merrick made a soft growl of approval deep in his throat. “Beautiful,” he murmured, drinking her in—her high, firm breasts, small waist, full hips…and most of all, the neatly trimmed thatch of dark curls between her thighs.

“Thank you,” Elise murmured, blushing. “I…uh….”

“I wanna feel you against me.” He motioned for her to come to him. “Don’t make me wait any longer.”

Elise couldn’t wait either. She slid naked under his arm and pressed her cheek to his bare chest with a little sigh of pure happiness. Then she held perfectly still for a long moment, trying to assess what was going on.

To her relief, the door of the vault didn’t so much as rattle. She wasn’t sure if the hunger inside her was so great it was overcoming any bad memories or if she was beginning to move past the fear that had been stirred inside her that night he came to the door of her darkened bedroom. She only knew it felt good—right—to be near him again. To feel the hard, warm wall of his chest against her cheek and breathe in his familiar smoke, fur, and leather musk. It was the scent of safety…the scent of home.

“Gods, baby,” Merrick murmured, stroking her back gently with one large hand. “Feels so damn good to have you in my arms again.”

“I like it too,” Elise admitted shyly. “It…it feels right, somehow.”

“More than right…perfect,” he corrected her. “I love the way you fit against me. It’s like you’re a part of me that’s been missing—a part I’ve been looking for without even knowing it. And now you’re back where you belong.”

Elise couldn’t have put it any better herself. “Yes.” She nodded, her cheek brushing his chest. “Yes, exactly.” She could feel the hunger curling inside her, stretching like a cat being stroked. This skin to skin contact was giving her exactly what she so desperately needed. But it was also changing the hunger, turning it into something else…lust.

She bit her lip and shifted against Merrick uneasily as her nipples suddenly stiffened into tight, achy peaks and her pussy began to feel hot and wet. The feeling of heat and need grew stronger and stronger until she had the sudden urge to tear herself away from Merrick’s side and somehow fix the problem.

She started to move away from the shelter of his muscular arm but Merrick murmured, “Stay.”

“Um, what?” Elise looked up at him uncertainly to see that he was looking down at her, an unreadable look on his face.

“Stay,” he repeated. “It’s all right to feel this way, Elise. It’s all right to need what you need and want what you want. Just stay with me and let it flow. Let yourself feel. Give in to it.”

She bit her bottom lip nervously. “I don’t know if I can.”

“You did once before,” he said softly. “Remember how you let me touch you—how you let me stroke you and pet your soft little pussy? Remember how wet and hot you got for me?”

“I…yes,” Elise admitted breathlessly. “I remember.”

“That’s good, baby,” he rumbled. “Because I wanna do it again…only this time with my tongue.”

Elise shivered at the thought of being so open for him, so helpless and vulnerable. She wanted it, but at the same time, she was frightened. Scared that the act would somehow bring a monster from her past she didn’t even know about roaring out of the vault to devour her.

Merrick seemed to catch her anxiety because he softened the urgency in his voice and stroked her arm again. “Don’t worry, we’re not going to do the same things that freaked you out last time. This time it’s going to be different.”

“Different? How?” Elise asked uncertainly.

“For one thing, I can hardly move right now so you’re going to be completely in control. You’re literally going to be on top.”

“What? But how?” she protested.

“Straddle me and I’ll show you what I mean.”

Elise rose to her knees, feeling self conscious, and did as he said—or tried to, anyway. But his chest was so broad she found she was more sitting on him than straddling him. She started to get up but he shook his head and touched her thighs lightly.

“No, stay. And don’t worry—you’re not ‘squashing’ me.” He gave her a lopsided smile she couldn’t help but return. Still, she felt nervous.

“I’m just, uh, I feel kind of…of open here.” She nodded down to her spread thighs. Her pussy was opened wide by the position—so wide the tender, slippery pink inside was fully visible. The lust inside her was growing by the moment, making her hotter and wetter than she’d ever been before. So wet that… “Oh God, I’m, uh, leaking on you.” Elise couldn’t control her mortification. Already her outer pussy lips and inner thighs were slick with her juices but it seemed like her body just didn’t know when to stop. Without meaning to, she had made a small but very obvious wet spot in the center of Merrick’s chest. “I’m so sorry! I’ll get something to clean you up.”

She started to get up but once again his light touch on her thighs stopped her.

“Don’t.” His deep voice was hoarse with emotion. “Don’t worry about it, baby. It’s just your body telling you how much you need this—how much we need each other. Besides, I love it.”

“You…you do?” Elise looked at him uncertainly.

In answer, Merrick reached between her thighs and swiped two thick fingers gently up the length of her pussy. His light touch sent a bolt of pure pleasure through her body and she gasped and jumped. But Merrick wasn’t done yet. Slowly and deliberately, his eyes never leaving hers, he brought his fingers, slick with her juices, to his mouth, and sucked them clean with obvious enjoyment.

“Delicious,” he growled softly. “Come here and let me show you.”

“Show me? How?”

“I want to kiss you. Kiss you right.” Merrick motioned for her and Elise leaned forward to meet his lips. He was so tall she found herself lying on him in much the same way she had during their last sexual encounter. It felt good though…familiar and right. She loved the feel of her breasts pressing against the hard planes of his chest, her nipples made stiff and sensitive by the stimulation.

When she reached him, Merrick threaded one hand through her long hair and pulled her close. “Taste yourself,” he murmured. “See how delicious you are.” Then he took her lips in a long, hot, open-mouthed kiss that left Elise breathless. She moaned softly as he thrust his tongue between her lips, sharing the honey he’d sucked from his fingers earlier. God, she did taste good on his mouth. More than good—incredibly hot and delicious.

Merrick moved his tongue slowly and deliberately, showing her exactly how he was going to taste her, Elise was sure. She couldn’t help responding, giving herself completely to the kiss, opening her mouth for him as she knew she would soon be opening her pussy. She could feel herself getting wetter and more slippery by the minute as she rubbed against his broad chest but Merrick obviously didn’t mind. He growled low in his throat and Elise thought she could almost feel his impatient, unquenchable lust for her. But that was crazy, wasn’t it? After all, she didn’t feel Merrick’s emotions through the bond the way he felt hers—or at least she never had before.

At last Merrick broke the kiss and looked her in the eyes. “See?” he murmured, his voice thick with desire. “Fucking delicious. Can’t wait to taste it straight from the source. Come here, baby…let me eat your pussy.”

Part of Elise wanted to hold back, but the hunger and lust inside wouldn’t let her. Carefully, she crawled up his big, muscular body until she was straddling his face, her thighs open around his head. “Like this?” she asked, looking down uncertainly.

“Yeah…exactly like that.” His eyes were hot and half-lidded with lust as he looked up at her, his lips parted as though in anticipation. “Just lower yourself down,” he instructed. “Lower yourself down and let me taste that sweet little cunt.”

His hot, dirty words excited her almost as much as the vulnerable sexual position she found herself in. Gripping the headboard of the bed, which seemed to be made of some rough wood, she let herself come down just as he had asked, positioning her pussy just above his mouth.

Merrick licked up, his hot tongue swiping across her heated slit from bottom to top, tickling her clit and making her gasp and jump. He did it again and Elise grasped the headboard harder, trying not to cry out. God, his mouth was so hot and his tongue was so talented. It felt amazing, but she still needed more somehow.

Apparently Merrick felt the same way. Abruptly, he put his hands on her hips and tilted her pelvis out of the way so he could see her.

“Baby,” he said softly. “Look at me.”

“Yes?” Elise looked down uncertainly.

“You have to give me more,” Merrick told her. “For this to work, I need to drink from you—need to lap your sweet cunt honey straight from the source.”

“But…I thought that was what you were doing,” Elise protested, her cheeks hot with embarrassment at the awkward position she was in.

“I’m trying,” Merrick growled. “But you’re not coming low enough. In order to do this right I need complete and total access to your pussy. That means you have to trust me enough to come all the way down. That’s the only way I can suck your clit and tonguefuck your little cunt.”

“Tongue….?”

“Tonguefuck,” Merrick said impatiently. “Need to get my tongue all the way inside you for this to work. So I can drink your honey straight from the source.”

“Oh,” Elise whispered faintly. “And you don’t think you’ll feel…smothered?”

He laughed. “No, of course I won’t. And even if I did, I can’t think of a better way to go.”

He likes this, Elise thought, still feeling a little surprised at the idea. He really does want to do it.

“Elise, I need to do it,” he murmured and she wasn’t sure if he was answering her emotion or if he’d somehow heard her thought through their bond. Was the connection between them growing stronger? “Not just to heal myself,” he continued. “But because of the Kindred thing I told you about. I’ve been waiting for this moment from the first time I met you—please, baby, don’t make me wait anymore.”

“All right.” Elise nodded, biting her lip. “I…I’ll come down further.”

“Come down all the way,” Merrick instructed. “I want to taste your pussy until you come all over my face.”

A shiver of pure lust went through her and at that moment, Elise wasn’t sure if the emotions were his, hers, or a combination of the two. She only knew she wanted this as much as Merrick wanted to give it to her. Wanted the feel of his hot mouth on her open pussy. With a little moan of pure desire, she settled herself firmly on his mouth, determined to give them both what they needed so desperately.

Merrick didn’t disappoint her. He opened his mouth at once, lapping and sucking the tender bud of her clit, lashing it with the tip of his tongue until Elise cried out with pleasure. Then, just as she thought she couldn’t take it anymore, he suddenly stopped.

“What…?” She looked down at him uncertainly. Their eyes met and she saw the lust in his—the hungry need to taste her until she lost control and came for him. But she more than saw it—this time she was sure she felt it as well. A deep, fiercely intense emotion that came from the very bottom of his Kindred soul, a thirst that only she could slake.

Then, with a low, possessive growl, he gripped her hips and plunged his tongue deep into her channel.

Elise gasped and bucked against him, both surprised and overwhelmed with pleasure. His tongue was hot and firm and surprisingly long, filling her much more than she’d expected. At the same time, one of his hands slipped over to where they were joined and she felt the broad pad of his thumb rubbing gently but firmly against her swollen clit.

She cried out and bucked again, one hand slipping from the headboard down to grip his broad shoulder. Merrick responded by redoubling his assault. She felt his tongue thrusting deep inside her to harvest her honey as his thumb slipped over her clit, urging her to make more. Urging her to come, to let herself go as she rode his mouth and gave in to him completely.

“Oh God,” she heard herself gasp. “Oh God, Merrick…so good…too much…”

He growled in response and she felt the vibrations of his deep voice echo through the center of her being. It only heightened the pleasure she felt, added another layer to the increasingly intense sensations he was giving her until Elise wondered if she could stand much more.

When she’d first taken this strangely vulnerable and exposed position, sitting astride his face, she hadn’t been at all sure she would be able to lose control enough to come. But now she felt her pleasure cresting and knew her orgasm was coming, bearing down on her like a tidal wave.

Remembering what had happened the last time she’d given in and let herself go made her a little hesitant. But the pleasure of Merrick’s hot mouth on her open, vulnerable pussy, the feeling of his tongue thrusting deep in her channel, was too strong to deny. Also, she thought she could almost feel him urging her to let go—willing her to give in completely and let her pleasure peak. Elise wasn’t sure if the feeling was real or completely imaginary but she decided to let go—to go with the urging and risk everything one more time.

As though he’d felt her make the decision, she sensed a rush of triumph from Merrick and then he suddenly withdrew his tongue. Elise started to moan in protest and then she felt him suck the heated button of her clit between his lips and begin tracing it with the tip of his tongue. At the same time, two long, strong fingers thrust deep in her pussy and began to pump, giving her a deep, thorough fucking that made her arch her back and throw back her head with pleasure.

“Yes!” she moaned. “Oh God, Merrick, yes…yes!”

It was too much and exactly enough. As he lashed her clit with his tongue and thrust deep in her pussy, Elise felt herself coming, felt her inner muscles contracting, spasming around his invading fingers as a thousand sparks of fire jumped through her body, igniting every nerve ending until she thought she might explode with the intense sensation. She rocked against him, pressing shamelessly against his mouth, giving herself completely both to Merrick and the pleasure he was giving her. Losing all control.

Through it all she felt his emotions as well, the deep, solid satisfaction he got from pushing her to the edge and beyond. His own intense pleasure and excitement as he watched her come, felt her spasm around his fingers and tongue. It was good, it was right, it was perfect…somehow completely perfect at that instant in time. And the best thing about it was that it triggered no flashbacks, raised no dark specters from the vault, as she had half-feared it would.

The instant spun out into infinity like a golden thread of honey stretched thin between them…and then Elise collapsed, panting, on the leafy blue pillow beside Merrick.

“Oh my God, that was amazing,” she gasped, turning her head to look at him. Her heart was still beating so hard she felt like she’d just run a marathon but her body felt boneless and limp—completely worn out.

“You’re telling me,” Merrick growled. His mouth was shiny with her juices and he licked his lips deliberately and raised an eyebrow at her. “Fucking amazing. Your pussy tastes delicious, baby.”

“Thank you.” Elise felt her cheeks heating at the intimate compliment. “I’m, uh, glad you liked it. But did it work?”

“Hmm…” Merrick flexed his arms and back experimentally. Then he sat up in bed and rolled his shoulders before turning to face Elise, a smile on his face. “Good as new.”

“Oh good! I’m so glad.” Elise wanted to go to him at once and hug him but now she felt shy again. The venom in his system had been neutralized and her hunger was completely satiated—at least for now—so she really didn’t have an excuse to cuddle with the big Kindred.

Merrick seemed to sense her anxiety. “C’mere,” he said, motioning for her. “Just because we’re both good for now doesn’t mean we have to act like strangers again.”

“I guess not.” Elise went to him and snuggled under his muscular arm with a little sigh of pure contentment. “This is so nice.”

“It’s more than nice…it’s right.” Still holding her against him, Merrick lay back on the bed. “Love the feel of you against me, baby. Are you over the fear now?”

“I think so,” Elise said cautiously. And indeed, the terror which had been triggered, on that awful night when she’d seen his dark silhouette in her bedroom doorway, seemed to have at last been vanquished. The last traces of it had blown away with the mind-numbing orgasm Merrick had given her. Suddenly she realized that while she had experienced the ultimate pleasure, Merrick hadn’t. “Um…” She sat up a little and looked at him. “Do you want me to, uh, return the favor?”

“Not necessary.” He gave a low, growling chuckle. “I shot off in my pants like a kid when I felt you finally letting go.”

“Oh!” She remembered the strange way she’d seemed to feel his pleasure as well as her own—not to mention all his other emotions. “Merrick,” she said carefully. “I, uh, would it be weird if I told you that while we were…while you were…”

“While I was tasting your sweet, wet pussy?” he said, grinning at her.

Elise felt her cheeks get hot again. “Um, yes. Anyway, while you were doing that, I could feel you through the bond—feel your emotions—the same way you can feel mine.”

“Really?” He pushed up on one elbow and looked down at her, frowning with concern. “You felt what I was feeling?”

“I thought I did,” Elise said cautiously. “I felt you wanting me to…to let go. To trust you and give in to the pleasure you were giving me. And when I finally did, I felt your pleasure as well. I mean, I didn’t know that you, uh, finished, but I definitely felt something. What does that mean?”

He shook his head. “I don’t know. Maybe that the bond is growing, which in our case, isn’t good.”

“Oh dear.” Elise felt a sudden rush of despair. She’d been feeling so good, so light and happy and free for once…and now she came crashing down to reality like a bird soaring in the sky that’s been pierced by a hunter’s arrow.

“Hey, baby, don’t cry.” Merrick pulled her closer and pressed her face to his chest. “It’s going to be all right. We’ll get it worked out in the end.”

“But how are we going to work it out, Merrick?” she demanded, pulling away and wiping the tears from her eyes angrily. “By breaking the bond,” she continued, answering her own question. “And then what?”

“Then whatever you want,” he said, looking at her steadily. “Tell me something, do you really want to go back home and get joined to that idiot, James?”

“I don’t know.” Elise looked down at her hands. “I don’t think so…but what else can I do?”

“Stay with me,” Merrick said. “We can go wherever you want. I don’t care as long as we’re together.”

“Even without the bond?”

“Even without the bond.” He stroked a strand of hair out of her eyes. “You know it’s not all about that. Even when we dissolve it, I know I’ll still feel for you, baby. Still want you.”

Elise bit her lip. “I feel the same way,” she admitted. “I have for awhile, but I’ve been too afraid to tell you. But Merrick…I don’t think I can.”

“Why not?” He frowned at her. “Look, if it’s because you don’t want to leave your career, I’m okay with that. I’ll come down to Earth with you. Now that the Scourge threat is lifted, the Council has approved cohabitation of Kindred and their brides on Earth.”

“It’s not that.” Elise looked down at her hands. “What we just did was wonderful, but I don’t know…don’t know if I could ever go farther. If I could ever do more.” She sighed. “I think I was able to go so far because letting you, um, taste me, wasn’t…didn’t trigger anything from my past. But doing anything else…well, I just don’t know.” She looked up at Merrick. “Do you understand? It wouldn’t be fair to you to ask you to deal with all my crap. You don’t need the baggage I bring.”

Merrick sighed and she felt his frustration, surging through their bond. “Yes, I do! If it’s yours, if it comes with you, I want it. Don’t you understand, baby? I want all of you. The good and the bad.”

“That’s very kind of you to say, but I don’t know how you’d feel if you knew…” Elise broke off, shaking her head.

“If I knew what?” Merrick sat up abruptly and faced her. “Maybe if you’d tell me, if you’d just talk about it, there wouldn’t be so Goddess-damned much ‘baggage’ to deal with.”

Elise felt cold all over. “I thought you said you’d never ask me to remember pain I wanted to forget.”

Merrick pinched the bridge of his nose as though trying to drive back a headache. “I know, baby, and I don’t want you to have to remember something that brings you so much pain. But sometimes the only way to get over something is to go through it. If you could just trust me—”

“I do trust you,” Elise whispered, taking his hand. “As much as I can trust anyone. And I want to stay with you, Merrick. I’m just not sure if I should.”

“Well, I’m sure.” He raised her hand to his lips and placed a sweet, hot kiss on her palm. “Damn sure. You belong with me and you know it. Now come on, say we’ll stay together.”

Elise bit her lip. Her heart wanted what Merrick was offering so badly she could nearly taste it. But her gut warned that she should be careful, that there were monsters in her past that could drive even a love as strong as Merrick’s away. She sighed. Just once she wanted to listen to her heart. Just once she wanted to give in to emotion and let herself be carried away.

“Say it,” Merrick urged again, softly. “Let me hear you say it, baby.”

Elise couldn’t help herself—her heart won out. “All right,” she whispered. “I’ll stay with you. Or you can stay with me if you really think you wouldn’t mind living on Earth.”

“Baby, I’ll live anywhere as long as you’re there,” he murmured.

“Oh, Merrick,” she breathed. The sincerity of his love for her came through their bond loud and clear and she couldn’t help wondering what she had done to deserve such devotion. She looked up at him, losing herself in his strange but compelling eyes, letting herself drift forward for a kiss. Merrick pulled her close, his mouth descending to hers and Elise thought her heart would burst when their lips met. “Merrick,” she whispered, pulling away just a little. “I lo—”

Suddenly the wooden door to the room banged open and Mother Healer appeared in the doorway. “Well,” she said, surveying them coolly. “I see it didn’t take you long to gain your antidote, Kindred.”

Elise gave a little gasp and scrambled for her robe. “Mother Healer…I…we…”

“Never mind your fumblings and mumblings,” the old woman snapped. “I don’t care what the two of you do in here as long as it isn’t more blasphemy. But I thought you should know the evening meal is prepared.” She nodded at Merrick. “I’m sure you’re hungry. You can’t live on female life-essence alone.”

“Wouldn’t mind trying though,” he growled, throwing Elise a look that made her blush.

“Thank you, Mother-Healer,” she managed, still clutching the robe to her chest. “We…we’ll be out in a minute.”

The old woman frowned. “See that you don’t take too long, girl-child. The sipva stew will grow cold. And after you eat, the two of you have to start the purification ceremonies.”

“Purification ceremonies? Why the hell for?” Merrick demanded.

The old woman raised one snowy white eyebrow. “Why, so you can appear before the Elders and plead your case. This time tomorrow eventide you may be pleading for your very lives—it’s best to be pure in case things don’t go your way and the Elders judge you ready to enter eternity.”

Then she banged the door shut as suddenly as she had opened it and was gone.

Chapter Twenty-eight

“Lissa? Lissa, are you all right?”

Lissa swam upward, slipping the bonds of sleep, which gripped her like cold hands. She groped toward the light and the strangely familiar voice. Someone was calling her name. Someone she cared for very much. At last she opened her eyes.

“Moch Daer?” she whispered through numb lips. “Saber…is that you?”

“No, Lissa, it’s just me.” The lady Nadiah pressed her hand gently. “It’s so good to see you awake—you’ve been out for days.”

“Oh…” Lissa couldn’t control the wave of disappointment that washed over her. So her vision of Saber had been just that—a vision. A mirage brought on by the fierce, unrelenting heat of the desert and her own wishful thinking.

“Are you all right?” Nadiah looked at her anxiously. “You look so sad.”

“Forgive me, my lady. I…I thought you were Saber,” Lissa whispered, blinking back tears. “I had a dream of him in the desert. A dream so sweet, so real…but I see now it was only a fantasy concocted in my own addled brain.”

“It was no dream.” A new voice caused Lissa to whip her head to the left. To her shock, she saw Saber standing there in the flesh, just as she remembered him.

“Saber?” she whispered. “I must be dreaming again.”

Nadiah laughed. “It’s not a dream. Saber and his crew are the ones who brought you in.” She winked slyly at Lissa. “He hasn’t left your side for days.”

“Oh…I…” Lissa shook her head, uncertain of what to say. Clearly the lady Nadiah meant to be encouraging, although it was wrong of her to encourage any sort of romantic gesture between two of the same clan—essentially a brother and sister.

Saber cleared his throat, looking as uncomfortable as Lissa felt. “I wanted to be certain you were all right, my sister,” he said, speaking formally, as though they were greeting each other back on Tarsia. “It was the least I could do for a member of my clan and family.”

“Of course, my brother,” Lissa answered numbly. “I thank you for your assistance.”

Saber nodded gravely. “I was glad to render it.”

The lady Nadiah looked between the two of them, frowning. “Okaaaay, I’m not exactly certain what’s going on, but I think the two of you should stop acting like strangers. It’s obvious you care about each other, so stop being so stiff and formal.”

“Forgive me.” Lissa looked down at her hands. “Thank you for saving my life, Saber. How…how did you come to be here on First World, anyway?”

“I’m here seeking the Councilor's good will and acknowledgement of the Touch Kindred as a people,” he said.

“And he made a good start, saving our new high priestess from dehydration,” Nadiah said brightly. “Well, Lissa, now that I know you’re all right, I need to go check on a few things. A lot has happened while you’ve been out.”

“I’ll go with you. I’ve neglected my duties long enough.” Lissa struggled to get out of bed but she was too weak to do much more than sit up.

“I don’t think so.” Nadiah pushed her back gently but firmly. “You need more time to recover. So why don’t you just stay here and catch up with your, er, your…brother.” She frowned, looking vexed, as though she wished she could have put it differently, but really, there was no other name that fit Saber’s relationship to Lissa.

Lissa bowed her head again. “Very well, my lady.”

“I’ll come back and check on you later.” Nadiah patted her knee, swathed beneath a light coverlet. “Have fun, you two.” And then she was gone, swishing out of Lissa’s small bedchamber with a swirl of white robes.

Lissa couldn’t look down for long. She found that her eyes kept returning to Saber’s face. To his deep hazel eyes with their flecks of green and gold, his tousled brown hair that always looked as though he’d been running both hands through it.

He’d been watching Nadiah walk away but now those gorgeous eyes of his flicked back and caught Lissa staring. “You keep looking at me, Lissa,” he murmured. “Are you that upset to see me?”

“Oh no, of course not!” she protested. “It’s just…I’ve dreamed about you so many times, I can’t believe you’re real. I keep asking myself if you’re not just another dream.”

“I asked myself the same question about you when I found you in the desert,” he admitted in a low voice. “We weren’t going to stop at that oasis, you know, but my secondary drive core was overheating—the guidance system indicated it as the closest source of water. My first mate wanted to push on and try to make the area around the holy mountain but I said no. I felt…I don’t know why I felt we had to stop. But when I saw you lying there in the sand, I knew.” He shook his head. “What were you doing out in the desert alone and so…so unprotected?”

In a flash, Lissa remembered how he’d found her—Naked, I was completely naked! Oh my Goddess, the shame… “Forgive me,” she said miserably, her cheeks growing hot. “I…I was showing respect at the passing of the last high priestess. I did not intend for anyone to see me.” She looked up at him timidly. “Did the rest of your…your crew…?”

“I took off my shirt and covered you at once.” Saber’s cheeks were a dull red. “I could not let them another male see my little sister so.” He frowned at Lissa. “But as for honoring the old priestess…that isn’t what you told me when I found you. You said something about searching for forgiveness…redemption. What did you mean?”

“I…I…” Lissa’s heart pounded in her chest. She couldn’t let him know that she still had feelings for him. Couldn’t let him know that her own forbidden love for him was what had really driven her naked into the desert. It was too shameful. Too wrong. “I don’t know what I said,” she answered at last. “I…I must have been delirious.”

Saber stared piercingly at her face for an instant and she felt that he must be able to read the lie in her eyes. But at last he nodded and looked away. “I see.”

You don’t see anything, Lissa thought miserably. You don’t know that I still love you even though I must not. You don’t know the evil rooted in my heart, which now flourishes again at the mere sight of you. She sighed. It was useless to love him anyway. Doubtless he was joined to some other girl by now. He might even have taken his father’s place as Over Chief.

“So,” she said, struggling to make her voice sound normal. “An ambassador to the Councilor—your parents and bride must be so proud.”

“I have no bride. No female to call my own.” Saber looked away, his eyes dark. “My mother and father tried to force me to take one after…after you left, but I refused every female they threw at me. I think…” He cleared his throat. “Think they’ve finally accepted the fact that I’m not interested.”

Lissa’s heart leapt in her chest but she tried to keep her face calm. “I see. But…can you be Over Chief with no female by your side?”

Saber sighed. “There’s no law against it, though Pape’ says the people of the clans trust and respect a chief with a bride and a family more.” He looked up at Lissa. “I told him I didn’t want those things. That I would follow in his footsteps only if he stopped pressuring me to take a bride I didn’t love.”

“Oh…” Lissa didn’t know what to say. “Oh, Saber, I—”

“Don’t worry,” he interrupted, his voice going suddenly harsh. “I’m not here to repeat the mistake I made three cycles ago. I know you want nothing to do with me, Lissa. And I know…” He coughed and looked down at his hands. “Know that what we wanted, what we tried to do, was wrong. I…you’re my sister. I should never—”

“I shouldn’t have either,” Lissa burst out. “I never should have allowed myself to have those kinds of…of feelings for a male of my tribe and family. It was I who entered into the shame and wrongful doing.”

“If you entered then I was the one who led you there,” Saber said in a low voice. “For that I must beg your forgiveness. It’s my fault you were sent away from home and exiled here.”

“Oh…it’s not so bad,” Lissa said, trying to make her voice light and easy. “The life of a priestess may not be what I would have chosen for myself, but I’ve settled in well. And now that the Councilor and his bride, the lady Nadiah are here, it’s quite enjoyable.”

“I think it’s wonderful that you’ve risen so high. To be the High Priestess of the Seat of Wisdom—Mame’ and Pape’ will be so proud when I tell them, I’m certain.”

Lissa nodded. I’m certain they still hate me as much as ever. Especially your mother who separated us in the first place. But she couldn’t speak the words aloud. They were too rude, too personal. “Thank you,” she said faintly.

“You’re very welcome. Well…” Saber rose from his seat by her bed. “I can see you’re still tired so perhaps I should leave you in peace.”

“Wait!” Lissa exclaimed, before she could stop herself. “Wait, Saber, please…”

“What is it?” He turned back to her, his hazel eyes filled with some emotion she couldn’t read.

“I…I…” Lissa’s courage almost deserted her but she forced herself to go on. “Forgive me,” she said, “But I told you how often I have dreamed of you only to wake and find myself alone. Would you…could I…” She sighed in frustration. “I know it is wrong, but could I touch your hand—just once—to be certain you’re real? To know that I am not dreaming this time?”

She half expected Saber to recoil from her in disgust. Such a request wasn’t only wrong—it was morally abhorrent. For an unmated female to seek the physical touch of a male who was not her husband—and one who was related to her by clan and family—was anathema. And yet, she couldn’t help herself…couldn’t help what she wanted.

For a long moment Saber hesitated. Then he dropped to his knees beside her bed and held out his hands to her. “Of course you may touch me, amalla,” he said, his deep voice hoarse with emotion.

“Oh, Saber…” The use of the old, sweet nickname sent a rush of longing through her. Lissa grasped his hands in hers and watched as he entwined their fingers. His touch was warm and real and solid and at last she knew the truth. “Moch Daer,” she whispered. “You’re real this time. Really and truly real.”

“And you’re real too,” he murmured. “I dreamed of you too, Lissa. So many times I thought—”

A sharp rapping at the wooden door of Lissa’s bedchamber interrupted him and then the door was flung wide. “Captain Saber, excuse me, but I—”

The male, who must be one of Saber’s crew, stopped short, his dark brown eyes drawn to their hands.

“Oh!” Lissa gasped and pulled her hands away. Quickly she hid them, trembling, beneath her white coverlet.

“Forgive me,” the crew-member said shortly. “I did not mean to interrupt…anything.”

“Nor did you,” Saber said heartily. “I was simply proving to Lissa here that I truly am real and not a figment of her imagination.” He lowered his voice. “She saw many mirages out in the desert which upset her greatly.”

“Oh.” The male nodded slowly. “Oh, I see.” His face, which had been etched with surprise and disgust, slowly cleared. “Well then, in that case,I guess—”

“What is it you wished to tell me, Mikrow?” Saber asked, standing and casually brushing off his knees.

The male cleared his throat. “It’s the secondary drive core again, Captain. It seems to be overheating, even when we’re just running diagnostics. Nobody else can figure it out and you seem to have such a way with it I thought—”

“Of course, of course.” Saber nodded and gestured for the male to leave the room. “My little sister is doing well, so I’ll come with you at once.”

“Thank you, Captain.” The crew-member left Lissa’s chamber with Saber right behind him. Before he closed the door, Saber gave her one last, long look. Then he left, without saying another word.

Chapter Twenty-nine

Merrick was Goddess-damned sick and tired of the purification rituals which seemed to entail sitting in a tub filled with the milk of the sacred tsslla snake and eating the worst tasting food the Ancient Ones could find.

As a Kindred, he had been all over the universe and tasted many different alien cuisines but he had to admit that the “nuggets of purity” he’d been eating for the past three hours were the worst, most disgusting things he’d ever put in his mouth. They had a hard, crusty dark blue covering but when he bit into them, they dripped pale blue goo that had a thick, mucousy texture and a metallic meaty flavor he found utterly revolting.

“All right, enough already,” he said, standing up abruptly as the priestess of the Ancient Ones tried to offer him another nugget. Pale blue milk sluiced off his bare body and the priestess gasped and shielded her eyes. “Yeah, I’m fucking naked—get over it,” Merrick snarled. “And I’ve had enough of this whole purification ritual shit. Rinse me off and let me talk to the Elders. Now.”

“You think you’re ready, do you?” Suddenly Mother-Healer appeared in the leafy blue tent where the ritual was being held. Behind her was Elise. She was wrapped in a large yanyan leaf and her long dark hair was wet and hanging down her back. There was a troubled look on her face and Merrick sensed her anxiety through their bond.

“I’m as ready as I’ll ever get,” he told Mother-Healer shortly. Taking the bucket of water the priestess was holding out to him with averted eyes, he rinsed the last of the tsslla milk from his body and climbed out of the tub. He wrapped a yanyan leaf around his waist and came up to Elise. “You okay, baby?” he murmured.

“Fine.” She nodded. “Just worried. And a little sick. Those purity nuggets—”

“I know.” Merrick nodded with feeling. “Fucking disgusting, right? Tasted like they were filled with some kind of ass-custard.”

“They kept on feeding them to me,” Elise said faintly. “I ate as many as I could, but I just…” She made a face. “I just hope I can keep them down.”

“You will be fine,” Mother-Healer said firmly. “Both of you. And the nuggets of purity are necessary to the purification process. Both the body and the mind must be mortified before you are fit to appear before the Elders.”

“We’re mortified, all right,” Merrick growled. “Now can we please have our clothes back so we can get this over with?”

Mother-Healer arched one snowy eyebrow at him. “I am afraid not. You must go naked before the Elders—as naked as the day you were born.”

“Naked?” Elise’s face grew instantly red. “Can’t we even keep our towels…er, leaves?”

Mother-Healer frowned at her. “You came into the Deep Blue wearing scanty undergarments of sacred crimson—profaning our ways with your blasphemous attire. And now you have the nerve to claim modesty?”

“She’s claiming modesty because she is modest,” Merrick snarled. “Crimson isn’t a sacred color where she comes from. Elise didn’t know she was blaspheming.”

Mother-Healer waved one wrinkled hand dismissively. “Save your explanations for the Elders. I care not. Come—it is time to meet them now and learn your fate.” She motioned for them to follow her out of the tent.

* * * * *

Elise followed Mother-Healer and Merrick, clutching her towel-leaf close around her and hoping against hope she’d be allowed to keep it once they got to wherever they were going. She still felt faintly nauseous from the disgusting purity nuggets and it didn’t help that her stomach was already tied in knots with anxiety and dread. Mother-Healer had said they would be arguing for their very lives. Elise had been through high-stakes negotiations many times in the courtroom, but none of them involved putting her life on the line.

But it wasn’t herself she was mainly worried about—it was Merrick. Whatever happened, she was determined he wasn’t going to get hurt again. And she was damned if she’d let him take anymore of her punishments. If someone has to pay, it’s going to be me, she vowed silently to herself. I refuse to hide in the shadows and let the man I care for be hurt any more on my account.

They were barefoot and the bark of the grandfather tree felt rough under her feet. There was a soft breeze blowing and the rich smell of the jungle wafted up to her from the forest floor. It was almost twilight—they’d been at the purification ritual for hours—and although Elise had been more than ready to be done with the ritual, she still didn’t feel ready to meet her fate at the hands of an alien race as old as the universe itself. But I have to be ready, she told herself, lifting her chin. There’s nothing else I can do but go through this as best I can.

They came to the central trunk of the tree and Mother-Healer nodded at the nearly invisible network of vines that criss-crossed its rough bark. “I will go first and you must follow. The seat of the Elders is at the very top.”

She began to climb, with surprising agility for someone so old, and was soon disappearing into the leafy canopy above them. Merrick gestured at Elise. “Go on, baby, I’ll be right behind you.”

Elise was a little nervous about the fact that she wasn’t wearing anything under her leaf-towel. Merrick had seen everything up close and personal but she still felt embarrassed about the idea of him looking up at her as she climbed. “No, it’s okay,” she said, motioning to the tree. “You go ahead. I’ll follow.”

He frowned. “No, you go first. Come on, the Elders aren’t going to wait. We have to go now.”

“All right.” Clearly there was no point in fighting about it. Grasping the vines, she began pulling herself up. And up and up…Soon she began to wonder if the massive tree was ever going to end. Her first climb up the side of the tree, to reach Merrick, was nothing compared to the journey they were going on now. And no puny rock-climbing wall at the gym could have prepared her for the effort it took to keep on going up the side of the tree. But she had to—there was no place to rest. Her arms began to feel like rubber and her legs trembled with fatigue and still they climbed.

At last Elise stopped for a moment and clung to the side of the tree.

“What’s wrong?” she heard Merrick ask and felt his concern for her through their bond. “Are you all right?”

“Fine,” she lied, trying to make her voice bright and cheerful. “Just a little tired but I’m okay. Is it…is it much farther?”

“Not far now, girl-child.” Mother-Healer’s voice floated down out of the leaves above. “Come, the Elders await.”

“All right—I’m coming.” Forcing herself to go on, Elise reached for the next dark blue ridge of vine to pull herself up. She tried to dig her fingers into the rough, rope-like tendril but somehow they wouldn’t close. With a gasp, she lost her grip and began to fall backwards.

Strong arms caught her and the shriek that had been building in her throat was abruptly cut off as Merrick threw her over one broad shoulder. “That’s why I wanted to go last,” he grumbled as he began climbing again. “So I could catch you if you fell—not just to look up at your legs. Although I admit the view is very fucking nice.”

“Merrick!” She slapped weakly at his back but he just rumbled laughter and kept climbing.

Elise concentrated on catching her breath and tried not to look down from the dizzying height she now found herself at. She had to admit she was glad Merrick had insisted she go first—if he hadn’t, she knew she would be a blob of jelly on the ground far below by now.

“Merrick?” she said in a low voice, hoping he could hear her.

“Mmm?” was the rumbling response.

“Thank you,” Elise whispered. “Do…do you think we’re going to be all right? Will they really want to kill us?”

“Not if I have anything to say about it.” His deep voice was grim. “Look, baby, try not to worry about it. The Ancient Ones are severe but they’re also known to be fair. I doubt they’ll try to kill us after everything they’ve already put us through.”

“Put you through, you mean,” she murmured and vowed again to herself that Merrick would take no more punishments for her.

He grunted. “Whatever. The point is, just be polite and if things get out of hand, stick close to me. All right?”

“I won’t leave your side,” Elise promised.

“What, not even if a billib comes along?” he asked dryly.

“Not even then.” She tried to laugh but her throat was too dry. She knew Merrick was just trying to lighten up the situation but it was difficult to ignore the gravity of what they were about to face.

They stopped talking and despite Mother-Healer saying that it wasn’t much further, Merrick climbed for another quarter of an hour before he finally stepped out onto a branch no wider than a sidewalk. They were very high up now, so high Elise felt like the air was different—thinner somehow, and more difficult to breathe. The leaves were smaller and farther apart, giving Elise a glimpse of the sky. The blue canopy above them was deepening to twilight, bruise colored and silent.

“Here we are,” Merrick murmured and she saw he was pointing at a small, leafy hut placed far out from the central trunk, on the intersection of two slender branches. Mother-Healer was already standing beside the doorway, beckoning impatiently. Elise looked at the old woman with new respect—she might be ancient but she was a hell of a climber.

“How are we supposed to get over there?” she asked, eyeing the apparently inaccessible hut. “Walk along those branches like a tightrope?”

“Don’t know what a tightrope is, but here goes.” Merrick scooped her up and before she could protest, he was striding along one of the narrow branches as easily as though he was strolling along a road on Earth. She didn’t even have time to protest before he sat her down gently by the broad blue leaf that served as the door of the hut.

“At last.” Mother-Healer frowned. “You have kept the Elders waiting long enough. Remove your wrappings and go in at once.”

Elise clutched at the leaf-towel, which she had somehow kept intact through the long and arduous climb. “Do we have to?”

“No choice,” Merrick growled. He stripped off his own leaf and then tugged at hers. “Come on, Elise.”

Feeling horribly exposed, Elise at last slipped off the broad, fuzzy leaf and let it drift to the wooden porch surrounding the hut. She stood there, naked and shivering in the deepening gloom.

“Good.” Merrick nodded approvingly and took her hand. “Here we go, baby.” Then he pulled her into the hut.

Chapter Thirty

Inside the hut it was nearly dark, with only a single blue flame burning high near the leafy ceiling. Merrick’s Kindred eyes quickly adjusted to the dim light and he saw they were standing in front of a table made from a single rigid yanyan leaf. Behind the table were three Ancient Ones, even older than Mother-Healer. It was impossible to tell their sexes, firstly because all three were wearing simple blue robes and secondly because each of them was partially transformed into his or her second form.

Looking more closely, Merrick saw that the first Elder had eyes with slitted pupils that glowed fiercely like a beast’s and the second had short, pointed ears mounted on the top of his or her head. The third Elder’s partial transformation was the most arresting, however—his (or her) mouth was elongated into a beastly muzzle with long, sharp teeth that winked whitely in the dim blue light.

Merrick frowned. He didn’t know much about the Ancient Ones, but he did know they usually kept to one form or the other. Holding a partial transformation between the forms would require a great deal of energy and strength. They were in the presence of immense power—he would have to tread lightly here, even though it wasn’t his usual style.

“Greetings Kindred male and human girl-child,” spoke the Elder with the glowing eyes. The voice was soft and even—female, Merrick decided. “We are those who will judge you. I see what you are through the eyes of truth.” The great, glowing eyes blinked at Merrick and also Elise, who was standing partly behind him, clearly still embarrassed by her nakedness.

“And I will hear you through the ears of wisdom,” said the second Elder, with the pointed ears mounted on the top of his head—at least he sounded male to Merrick.

“And I will pronounce your sentence through the voice of justice,” growled the beast-mouthed Elder. Also male, Merrick thought, though it was much harder to tell with the distorted animal muzzle for a mouth.

“Elders,” he said, bowing low to the three of them and hoping that Elise would follow along. “We thank you for your hospitality these several days and beg your forgiveness for our misdeeds and the misunderstandings between us.”

“Misunderstandings, you call them?” the beast-mouthed Elder demanded in his low, rough voice. “We call them blasphemy. This female girl-child came into our homeland wearing the sacred color and proceeded to strip a holy skrillix vine of one of its branches. How can you excuse such actions?”

Merrick opened his mouth to reply but Elise beat him to it.

“I have no excuse.” Stepping out from behind Merrick, her chin lifted high, she spoke in a calm, clear voice, meeting the eyes of each Elder in turn. “I am ignorant of your ways,” she continued, “But I know that ignorance is no excuse for wrongdoing. I sought the skrillix plant to cure a…a sickness that we both suffer from.” She nodded at Merrick. “However, I know now that I should have come to you, Elders, and begged humbly for a branch, instead of taking without asking.”

The Elders murmured among themselves approvingly, Merrick thought. He was tempted to be irritated with Elise for not letting him do most of the talking, but she seemed to be doing quite well so far—was it because of her training and the job she did back on Earth? Merrick didn’t know much about it but it seemed to involve arguing the law before some kind of official on behalf of abused children—in which case, she was uniquely suited for this—perhaps he should just keep his mouth shut and let her talk.

“You speak well for yourself, outsider,” the Elder with the glowing eyes remarked. “Yet your mouth may be dripping with lies as a sweetflower drips nectar.”

“I will swear any oath you deem necessary that I am telling you the truth,” Elise said steadily. “But if you choose not to believe me and decide I am worthy of punishment or death, then I have a request to make of you, wise Elders.”

“A request?” The pointy-eared Elder frowned. “You are hardly in the position to request anything, outsider.”

“But we will hear you anyway,” said the Elder with glowing eyes. “Speak, human girl-child.”

Elise nodded gratefully. “I request that whatever punishments you decide to hand out should fall on me and me alone. Merrick is blameless in all of this.”

“Elise!” Merrick began angrily, but she kept on talking.

“He has already been punished once for my sins,” she continued. “I wish to formally absolve him of all guilt and take the responsibility for my actions all upon myself. It was no one else’s fault that I acted as I did—the blame should fall entirely on me.”

“Elise, no!” Merrick took her by the shoulders and spun her around. “Fucking stop talking like that now.”

“No,” she said calmly. “No, Merrick, I won’t. It’s true—I’m not going to let you take any more of my punishments.”

“And what if they decide to hand out a punishment that might kill you?” he demanded. “Do you want to die?”

“No, of course not—that would drag you down with me,” she said. “But I also don’t want you paying any more for my mistakes.”

“Enough!” The beast-mouthed Elder roared and they both turned to face him. “Your sentiments are noble,” he growled, looking at Elise. “But your words are lies.”

“No, I swear it!” She shook her head frantically. “I told you—”

“You said that you acted on your own and no one else should be blamed,” the Elder with glowing eyes said. “Yet there is one here who claims he was with you—in fact, he claims that the fault is entirely his, just as you claim the fault is entirely yours.”

“What?” Elise looked at Merrick. “Merrick, you never—”

“It is not the Kindred warrior,” the Elder with pointed ears said. “It is another.”

“Well then, who?” Elise asked, clearly confused.

“It is this one—Brillem of the Billibs.”

* * * * *

Elise stared in wonder as the Elder with glowing eyes reached down behind the table and lifted a pale blue miniature pony in her hands. Gently, she placed the little creature upon the rigid leaf table where it pranced and nodded its head up and down, as though acknowledging Elise.

“Did you say Brillem?” she asked, nodding at the little pony. “His name is Brillem?” The name seemed to be pronounced with an almost neighing sound, which made sense, she supposed.

“Indeed I did,” the Elder with glowing eyes said. The pony/billib neighed loudly and then snorted three times. “Yes, child of the forest, you will have your say,” the Elder told him.

“But…but…” Elise shook her head disbelievingly. “It…he can talk?”

“Of course he can.” The Elder with pointed ears frowned. “All living things have a voice—you simply have to have the ears to hear them.”

Elise rounded on Merrick. “Did you know this? That the billibs are a sentient species with language and everything?”

He shook his head. “Hell, no. They mostly keep to the Deep Blue so we don’t seem them much around the villages.”

“It does not signify if you understand this one or not.” The Elder with pointed ears nodded at the pony. “He is here to speak on your behalf and we are here to listen to him.”

“But I’ve had a shot of translation bacteria,” Elise said, frowning. “Why can’t I understand what he says?”

“Billib language is much more about thought transmission than mouth sounds,” the Elder with the beast-mouth growled. “You might be taught to understand their language if you were willing to open yourself—but there is no time now.”

“Brillem wishes to speak for you,” the Elder with glowing eyes said. “He says it was he who led you into our homeland and took you to the sacred skrillix. He knew it was wrong but he says your need was great and he owed you a debt. Apparently you saved him from a xenox?”

“Well, I don’t know if I saved him, exactly,” Elise said. “Merrick did most of the fighting.”

The pony pranced and neighed.

“Brillem says that you sheltered him with your body and refused to give him up though you were facing certain death,” the Elder with glowing eyes said softly. “Such courage we admire.”

“I…thank you.” Elise bowed her head. “But I can’t claim to be very courageous. I was scared to death. And I didn’t know that the pony…er, Brillem, was a sentient creature. I thought he was just a helpless little animal. No offense, Brillem,” she added to the pony.

“Yet you would have given your life for his, though he is a different species than your own, and you did not even know he was sentient.” The Elder with pointed ears nodded. “I hear the truth in your words.”

“And I see the truth in your eyes,” the Elder with glowing eyes said. Both of them looked at the Elder with the beast-mouth. “Well, brother, what judgment will you pronounce?” the Elder with pointed ears asked.

The Elder with the beast-mouth frowned—or at least, Elise thought he did. It was really hard to tell when he had a muzzle like an animal. “You came into our lands and committed sacrilege and blasphemy,” he growled at Elise. “You claim ignorance of our ways, yet ignorance is no excuse for wrong doing as you yourself have said.”

“Yes.” She nodded, hear heart galloping in her chest. Oh God, what were they going to do to her? And would she be able to protect Merrick and Brillem from whatever fate lay in store for her?

“You and your companion have already been punished once for your crime of wearing the sacred color,” the Elder continued. “And you were led to take the skrillix in error by one who should have known better.” He nodded at Brillem who neighed softly and bowed his head.

“Oh, please don’t hurt him!” Elise begged. “Please let the punishment fall on me and me alone.”

“Girl-child, you must be silent while judgment is being pronounced!” the Elder with the pointed ears snapped.

“I’m sorry,” Elise whispered contritely. “Please forgive me.”

“No more interruptions,” the Elder with the animal mouth growled. “As I was saying, you were led to the plant in error and one punishment has already been given to you—or rather, to your companion.” He nodded at Merrick who was standing tensely behind Elise. “Now…I am given to understand that you badly need the branch you stole.”

Reaching below the table, he lifted the skrillix branch that Elise had broken off the vine and laid it carefully upon the table beside the billib. Though it was somewhat wilted, the red berries still looked plump and fresh and the thorns still looked sharp and deadly. Elise noticed that Brillem, who was still standing on the table, was careful to stay well back from them.

“We do need it,” Merrick rumbled. “Our very lives depend on it.”

The Elder with the beast-mouth nodded. “The berries of the skrillix are legendary for their healing powers. As are its thorns—though for quite a different reason.”

“It is not called the ‘pain vine’ for no reason,” the Elder with glowing eyes said.

“Indeed.” The Elder with the animal mouth nodded. “Hear then, my judgment. Human girl-child, you must prick your finger on a thorn of the branch you stole and let three droplets of blood fall into our cup of honesty.” He nodded at a strangely carved, blue wooden cup the Elder with pointed ears was now holding out. It was filled with a dark red liquid that looked like some kind of wine to Elise. “We Elders will drink of your blood mixed with the juice of the sharing fern, which allows the transfer of visions and emotions. In so doing, we will share your pain for we do not give punishments that we cannot withstand ourselves.”

“Four drops,” Merrick growled.

“What?” The beast-mouthed Elder frowned.

“Let her give four drops. I want to share the pain as well,” Merrick said. “I won’t let Elise go through something like this without me.”

The Elders whispered briefly and then the Elder with the beast-mouth nodded. “Very well. We respect your wish to share the pain of the female you love, Kindred.”

“Thank you.” Merrick nodded at them gravely.

“You are welcome, outsider.” The Elder with glowing eyes nodded back. “Now allow my brother Elder to finish, please.”

Merrick nodded again, silently.

“As I was saying,” the Elder with the animal mouth continued in his low, rough voice. “You will share your deepest pain with us, human girl-child. And when it is over, we will allow you to take the branch you stole back with you to heal your hurts. Is that clear?”

“Yes. Only…” Elise frowned. She thought she remembered something Merrick had said about the thorns of the skrillix—something about them causing hallucinations? She couldn’t quite bring it to mind but it bothered her. “Forgive me, but what do you mean by my deepest pain? Is the poison in the thorn going to make me feel like I’m on fire or I can’t breathe or what? I’m not afraid,” she added hastily, lifting her chin. “I just…I want to know what to expect.”

“Oh no, girl-child. The venom of the thorn does not give you physical pain,” the Elder with glowing eyes said. “It causes you to relive your deepest emotional pain from the past. Only by sharing your pain and shame with us can you be worthy to receive the healing powers of the skrillix.”

“Oh,” Elise whispered faintly. “Oh.” She didn’t know what else to say. He heart was suddenly pounding in her ears and her hands felt cold and numb. The deepest pain from my past. The vault…it’s going to be just like the AllFather all over again. Only this time everyone will see it. Merrick will see it.

“Is this a problem for you?” the Elder with the beast-mouth asked sharply. “Do you wish us to revoke the judgment? I can give you leave to go now but if you do not prick your finger and share your pain we cannot give you the branch. And I promise you, outsider, we will not allow you to steal another.” His muzzle wrinkled into a threatening snarl that would have been scary if Elise hadn’t already been frightened to death by something else entirely.

“Elise, baby…” Merrick put his hand on her shoulder but she shrugged it off.

“Don’t.”

He looked up at the Elders angrily. “You don’t know what you’re asking. You don’t know the pain in Elise’s past. You can’t expect her to bring up all that shit and share it with everyone here—it’s fucking monstrous of you to even ask.”

“We sympathize with your concern, but our judgment remains unchanged,” the Elder with the beast-mouth growled. “The hour grows late and the twilight fades—make your choice, human!”

Elise took a deep breath. This was going to be the end of her—the end of the vault. After the AllFather had violated her mind she had somehow managed to cram everything back in place and lock the door again, but she knew she couldn’t do it twice. This time everything was coming out and she would have to deal with it—deal with memories and emotions she’d been rigorously suppressing for over a decade. If she had been given a choice between this and death, she would have picked death with no hesitation at all.

But it’s not just my death I’d be choosing, she thought, her eyes flickering up to Merrick’s concerned face. I’d be killing Merrick too. And I love him too much to do that.

As the words whispered in her head, she knew they were true. She didn’t just care for the big Kindred, she loved him—loved him with all her heart. And she would do whatever it took to save him—even throw open the doors of the vault. Still, her soul cringed with shame when she thought about what he and all of the Elders were about to witness. What would he think of her when this was all over? How would he feel?

It probably won’t matter, Elise thought numbly. Because chances are I’ll be such a basket case I won’t care how anyone feels about me after this is over. I’ll just want to die.

“Elise, you don’t have to—” Merrick began but she shook her head.

“No, don’t try to talk me out of it. This is something I have to do, Merrick.” Walking slowly, as if in a trance, she approached the long table and held out her hand. “I’m ready.”

“Very well.” The Elder with pointed ears nodded at the skrillix branch. “Simply prick your finger and let the drops of blood fall into the cup of honesty.”

Feeling like she was drowning, Elise reached for the branch. “No!” Merrick shouted, but it was too late—one of the long, cruel thorns pierced the tender pad of her index finger and she felt the venom of the pain vine enter her system. Numbly, she held her hand over the blue carved cup and allowed exactly four drops of blood to fall into its deep red contents.

The same color as my blood. Crimson—their sacred color, she thought. And then the venom ripped the vault door off its hinges and the visions began.

Chapter Thirty-one

“Quickly, drink!” the Elder with glowing eyes exclaimed. “The venom works with the speed of a striking snake—we must all drink if we are to share her pain.”

The Elders passed the cup among themselves quickly and then the one with glowing eyes pressed it into Merrick’s hand. He took a quick look at Elise as he drained the bitter dregs. He could feel nothing from her through their bond and she was just standing there, still as a statue, with her big brown eyes open but unseeing. It was obvious her gaze had turned inward.

She’s remembering, he thought grimly. Remembering what happened all those years ago. He just hoped he’d gotten enough of the bitter juice with her blood in it to share her pain. He didn’t want her to have to go through this alone, whatever it was.

“Here it comes,” he heard one of the Elders say. “Brace yourselves.”

And then the dim leafy hut around him faded to nothing and he was standing somewhere else on an entirely different planet.

Earth, he thought. I’m on Earth.

He’d only set foot on the small blue-green planet’s surface once but he knew he was correct. Though how he could tell from his surroundings, he wasn’t sure. The room he found himself in was even darker than the hut he’d left. There were strips of dim white light—moonlight, he realized, from the Earth’s single moon—falling through the mostly shuttered window. The light helped his eyes adjust and he looked around.

Merrick had expected a scene of great violence, but it was quiet here—peaceful. There was a sleeping platform in the center of the room and the sound of soft breathing filled the air. From what he could see in the dim light, this area belonged to a female—possibly a little girl. There were small stuffed creatures that must be toys and a few dolls as well. Then he noticed the tabletop in front of the silvery mirror was covered in cosmetics and hair adornments. So, not a little girl, after all but a girl who was becoming a young woman and slowly leaving childhood behind her. Still, there was an innocence to the room and the sleeping figure in the bed that made his heart ache for some reason.

Suddenly there was a low creaking sound and a sliver of harsh yellow light appeared in the wall across from the bed. The sliver widened until it was a rectangle—a doorway, Merrick realized, his heart pounding against his ribs. And standing in that doorway was a huge, dark shape—obviously a male—who was watching the sleeping girl.

“Charles?” whispered the girl and Merrick recognized the soft, feminine voice at once—Elise. “What…what do you want?” she asked.

“Just wanted to check on you, princess.” The light shining behind the man turned his face to shadows but Merrick felt the threat of his presence anyway—felt those unseen eyes crawling over the young Elise’s skin in a way that twisted his stomach.

“Well, I’m fine.” Elise’s voice shook only slightly, but Merrick, who was so attuned to her, could hear the worried tremor at once. “And I have a big test tomorrow so please let me sleep.”

“Oh, I don’t think so.” The dark man-shape she’d called “Charles” stepped silently closer. “I thought I might tuck you in.”

“Stop fooling around and leave me alone!” The young Elise’s voice was high and frightened now. “This isn’t funny, Charles—I’ll call Mom!”

The man chuckled unpleasantly. “Your mother had to run to the store for a few things and you know how long she takes to shop. So I think we have time for a quick bedtime story, don’t you, princess?”

“Stay away from me!” Elise was sitting up in bed now, the covers clutched to her chest protectively. “I don’t like it—I don’t want to do…to do that with you.”

He laughed again. “After what I caught you doing last week? I think you’ll love doing ‘that’ with me.”

Merrick could feel the girl’s shame—her sense of outrage and violated privacy as well as a sense of choking fear. “That was private,” she whispered.

“Yes, I know.” The man stepped closer, into her room. “And this will be too. We’ll just keep it between the two of us, shall we?”

He reached for Elise just as Merrick lunged forward, shouting, “No!”

“You cannot help her—this is a memory. A pain long since past,” whispered a voice from the corner.

Merrick whipped his head to one side and saw the three Elders standing there quietly, observing. Why he hadn’t seen them before, he didn’t know. But they were here now and apparently not interested in doing anything but watching.

“You cannot touch her—you are a ghost here,” one of them said. “Besides, the girl already has a defender. Look.”

“What?” Merrick turned back in time to hear a deep, snarling growl. Then a large, furry shape rushed into the room and jumped onto the sleeping platform, insinuating itself between Elise and the dark man-shape. The animal’s mismatched eyes—one blue and one gold—blazed in the darkness and it snapped at the man warningly, its shaggy hackles raised in threat.

With a low curse, the man called Charles stumbled back just in time to avoid losing his fingers. “Stupid mutt!” he snarled as the dog continued to stand guard over Elise protectively. “Thought I locked you out of the house.”

“Buck always finds a way to me when I need him.” Elise spoke up, her voice quivering with emotion. “That’s why my father—my real father—gave him to me. To watch over me. To keep me safe from people like you.”

“Well I have news for you, princess—your real father is dead,” Charles snapped. “And that mutt won’t always be around. We’ll have our moment together—don’t worry about that.” With a last, low curse, he slammed the bedroom door, leaving Elise and the dog in the darkness.

“Oh, Buck.” Elise put her arms around the shaggy neck and buried her face in the big dog’s fur. “Why won’t he leave me alone? I know I shouldn’t have been doing…what he caught me doing. But I never…never thought…” Her last words dissolved into tears and Merrick’s heart ached with her worry and fear and shame. He felt her guilt and the certainty that this was somehow her fault—the certainty that the man, Charles, would have left her alone if he hadn’t caught her in the middle of some guilty act.

She must have been touching herself—pleasuring herself, he thought, his heart twisting as he watched her sob. That’s why she got so upset the first time she let me touch her—it brought back memories like this one. Brought back all the guilt and the shame she’s feeling right now at this moment.

Because Elise was feeling it, all over again, he realized. She wasn’t just watching as Merrick and the Elders were doing—she was reliving the whole thing. And the Gods only knew what came next. He took one last look at the sobbing girl and the dog, which was whining softly and licking her cheeks, and then turned to the Elders to insist that they stop this experience right now…

And then the scene changed.

* * * * *

It was Spring—Elise could feel it in the soft, warm air currents that caressed her skin as she walked home. Her high school was only a mile from the house where she and her mother lived with Charles and she preferred to walk rather than drive the ostentatious red convertible he’d given her as a seventeenth birthday present.

A present, right. More like a bribe. For awhile, her stepfather had thought he could somehow buy her favors with new toys and clothes, but Elise had put an end to that idea as quickly as she could. She wasn’t interested in his immense wealth or anything he could give her—she just wanted him to leave her alone. Unfortunately, that was beginning to seem less and less likely. Rather than backing off, he was stepping up his attentions to her, always trying to catch her alone so he could whisper something disgusting in her ear or cop a feel.

Elise hated the dirty way he made her feel when he touched her—when he even looked at her. Hated the nasty, filthy things he said when he knew no one else was around to hear him. She’d thought of trying to record him somehow and then playing the recording back to her mother, but she was sure it wouldn’t do any good. Her mother knew something was happening between her daughter and the man she’d married, but she didn’t know exactly what and worse, she didn’t want to know.

If only she’d listen to me, Elise thought, kicking a rock from the gravel path as she walked. Though her house was only a mile from the school it was set far back behind a set of ornately scrolled gates and a hedge too high and prickly for anyone to get over or under without being scratched half to death.

Elise sighed. She knew well enough why her mother wouldn’t listen—she didn’t want to hear. Didn’t want to know what her husband was up to. Because if she listened to Elise and believed what she was saying, she’d be forced to move out, to lose everything her second marriage had brought her. And Elise’s mother was much too fond of her big house and fur coats and Mercedes LX to do that.

Elise kicked another rock. They had been dirt poor when her father was alive. Dirt poor, but happy. And she hadn’t had to live under the constant threat of being touched against her will, either. Sometimes that threat felt like a huge, heavy stone hung around her neck. It was invisible—no one but Elise could see it. But it dragged her down constantly, weighed on her even when she was out with her friends and trying to be happy.

Just a few more months, she reminded herself. Just a few more months until I get out of here and go to college. And she’d earned her own way, too—getting a full scholarship to UF in Florida.

It wasn’t the most prestigious school. Charles had offered to send her to Brown or Harvard if she would just let him…Elise pushed the thought away. She was going to UF because they were willing to pay everything from tuition, to books, to room and board, as long as she kept her grades up. And Florida was at the other end of the country—over a thousand miles from Oregon. Elise couldn’t wait to put that distance between herself and her stepfather. To turn her back on this awful time in her life and never look back again.

Her only worry was Buck. He was old now, but still protective—he’d saved her several times when Charles had gotten a little too frisky. Not that he actually would have done that to me, Elise told herself uneasily. That would be going too far, even for Charles. He knows he couldn’t get away with it—doesn’t he?

Unbidden, his words to her from the night before came back with frightening clarity. “That mutt won’t always be around. We’ll have our moment together—don’t worry about that, princess.” Was he really that desperate to have her—to get into her pants? For years he’d pretended what he was trying to do was some kind of a game—laughing and kidding as though it was an inside joke between the two of them. Of course, Elise didn’t find it a bit funny, and lately—ever since he’d caught her touching herself when she thought the door was locked—Charles didn’t seem to find it very funny either. It was almost as though he could see her slipping away, getting closer and closer to college and out of his reach forever. But would that really make him desperate enough to force the situation? Surely not…

Uneasily, she pushed the unpleasant and frightening idea away and turned her thoughts back to Buck. Her mother had promised to look after him when Elise went to college, but Elise was afraid she wouldn’t keep her word very well. Her mother tended to be always busy with frivolous things—shopping and parties and playing Bridge with a circle of other ladies whose husbands were so rich they could do pretty much whatever they pleased.

What if her mother forgot to feed her beloved pet? Or what if she let Charles ship him off to the pound? It was obvious he didn’t like Buck—he saw him as a hated roadblock—something in his way to getting what he wanted.

But he wouldn’t really hurt Buck, would he? Elise asked herself uneasily. He wouldn’t be that cruel. He knows Buck is the only link I have left to my real dad.

“Here you go, honey,” she remembered her father saying as he put the wriggling bundle of fur into her lap. “His name is Buck—do you like him?”

“Oh, Daddy—he’s perfect!” She’d lifted the puppy up to get a better look at him and gasped. “His eyes!”

“Yeah, he’s part Husky, and sometimes they have that mutation. One blue eye and one yellow. I kinda like it.”

“I do too.” She had hugged the wiggling puppy to her, laughing as his wet little tongue caressed her cheek. “They’re beautiful.”

Her father laughed. “I thought you’d like them. You just keep this little guy close, Elise. He’s going to grow up to be a big, strong, loyal dog—he’ll protect you, even when I’m not here.”

Tears filled Elise’s eyes at the memory of those words. Her father had been a Marine. The fuzzy puppy, which had grown into the huge, protective Buck, was an early gift for her eighth birthday because her dad was being deployed and wasn’t going to be there for her party.

As it turned out he never made any of her birthdays again. Two days after her party, they had gotten the news that he had been killed in the line of duty. Elise’s mother had grown cold and silent—had withdrawn emotionally just at the time Elise had needed her the most. And then there was no one but Buck. She still remembered crying out her pain into his soft, shaggy fur as he whined and licked her face, sensing her heartbreak and comforting her in the only way he knew how.

I can’t leave him here, she thought with renewed determination. I can’t trust Mom to take care of him or Charles not to take him to the pound. I’ll find a way to take him to UF with me. I have to…

Her thoughts were interrupted by the sight of the huge Tudor-style mansion rising before her. After Charles had swept her mother off her feet, he had promised her any kind of house she wanted, and this is what she had chosen. Elise supposed it was beautiful but the house held bad associations for her now. Too many dark corners where she’d been caught by her stepfather’s greedy hands, too many shadowy rooms where he’d whispered his dirty thoughts, making her feel filthy, unclean. Immediately the invisible weight around her neck grew heavier and she swore to herself that once she left this place for college she would never, ever return.

“Hi, princess!”

Her stepfather’s voice made her head jerk up and she saw he was just pulling up to the house, the mammoth tires of his ridiculously oversized SUV crunching on the gravel of the circular driveway in front.

Elise’s heart sank. God, she’d been hoping to have the house to herself for a little while before she had to start fending off her stepfather’s advances. Now she would spend a miserable afternoon putting him off and avoiding him until her mother came home from whatever charitable organization or Bridge club meeting she was currently at. Buck would stay by her side and protect her, of course, but it was difficult to do homework with Charles staring at her and making dirty remarks.

I should just go to Jennie’s house, she thought, thinking of her best friend. She lived two miles in the opposite direction, but at this point, Elise didn’t care. It would be worth the long walk not to be alone with Charles.

Many times she’d thought of telling Jennie or one of her other friends exactly what was going on, but somehow she just couldn’t. It seemed so awful, somehow—a dirty secret that would taint her with its filth if she let it out. Besides, Jennie was sweet, but her biggest worry was who was going to ask her to Prom. She had no idea what it was like to live under the constant threat of being molested as Elise did.

The same fear of being different, being thought unclean, kept her from trying to tell a teacher or her guidance counselor at school. And how did she know they would even believe her? After all, she’d tried to tell her mother what was going on, and her mom had told Elise she was imagining things. If her own mother wouldn’t believe her, why would another, unrelated adult sympathize?

No, better to keep it buried and just try to get through the last few months until graduation, Elise told herself. But in the mean time, she’d be damned if she put up with more of Charles’s crap than she had to. I’m going to Jennie’s, she decided, lifting her chin. And I’m not coming home until I have to. In fact, I might just spend the whole weekend. Jennie can loan me some clothes—she won’t mind. Buck has plenty of food and water in his bowl and I can call Mom later and have her check on him just in case.

She was just about to turn and head back the way she’d come when a familiar, joyous bark caught her ear.

“Buck?” She frowned, turning to see what was going on. How had her dog gotten out into the front yard? Normally he stayed in her room or used the doggie door to get into the fenced-in back yard. Elise was very careful to keep him out of the front yard and driveway to avoid accidents. Yet, here he was, running straight for her, his mismatched eyes shining with excitement as he bounded across the trim green lawn and made for the circular driveway.

The driveway—oh, no! Elise thought. Buck was heading straight for her, but in order to get there, he had to run directly in front of Charles’s idling SUV. “Charles,” she shouted, pointing at her dog. “Watch out for Buck!”

“Oh, I’m watching all right, princess.” With an evil grin, her stepfather gunned the SUV’s engine.

Elise saw what was about to happen a moment too late to do anything about it. “Buck,” she screamed. “Go back—stop! Stay!”

The big dog paused for a moment. His head cocked to one side, he stopped right in the path of the SUV. And then, as Elise watched in horror, her stepfather gunned the engine again and the four-wheeled behemoth lurched forward.

“Buck!” she shrieked and then the SUV’s massive front tires rolled over the big, furry body with a sickening crunch Elise could hear from where she was standing. “No!” she screamed. “Buck, no!”

She thought she heard a faint whining from under the car and then the SUV reversed and Charles backed over her dog again, as though making sure he had finished the job. When the SUV rolled backward, she saw a limp bundle of fur and a puddle of blood slowly soaking into the gravel.

The paralysis, which had frozen Elise in place, broke, and she ran forward, screaming her dog’s name. She fell to her knees and gathered him up, holding him close and sobbing. Buck felt boneless in her arms, his heavy head sagging over her forearm as she held him, heedless of the blood soaking into her clothes and the sharp gravel cutting her knees.

“No! No, no, no,” she cried over and over, burying her face in Buck’s shaggy ruff as she had so many times before. “No, please…please, Buck, don’t be dead. Don’t leave me all alone!”

To her disbelief, there was a soft whimper and when she looked up, she saw a spark of life in his mismatched eyes. Her heart leapt with hope. Was he going to be okay? Would he somehow survive this? Maybe if she could get him to the vet right away…

But even as she watched, the spark in his eyes died away. His long pink tongue lapped out to caress her cheek once more…and then he was gone.

“No! No!” Elise curled herself around the big shaggy body and sobbed. Buck was the last thing she had left of her father, the last bit of comfort, loyalty and love she had in her life. Grief gripped her in an iron fist, and so extreme was her anguish that she didn’t even notice her stepfather approaching until he was standing right in front of her.

“What a shame.” He shook his head and made a tsking sound. “But you saw how it was—he ran right in front of me. I couldn’t miss him.”

“You…” Elise’s grief turned suddenly to rage and she looked up at the hateful, handsome face bending over hers. “You bastard. You did it on purpose—I saw you.”

“Now, princess, is that any way to talk? You’re just traumatized right now—anyone would be after losing their, uh, pet.” He nudged Buck’s limp form with the toe of one Italian leather loafer distastefully. “In fact, after witnessing such an awful tragedy, there’s no telling what your addled little brain might make up. You might imagine anything—anything at all.”

Elise felt suddenly cold all over. “What…what do you mean?”

“I mean it’s time you came with me.” Reaching down, Charles hooked one hard hand under her arm and pulled her up, forcing her to leave Buck’s lifeless body behind.

Elise began to panic. “What are you doing? Take your hands off me.”

“Oh, I don’t think so.” Slowly but surely Charles began dragging her toward the house.

“Let me go!” Elise tried to fight him but she still felt weak with grief. She kept expecting Buck to come to her rescue and then remembering all over again that he couldn’t, that he was dead… “Let me go,” she insisted again. “Where’s Mom?”

“I sent her and several of her friends for a spa weekend.” Charles grinned at her, his eyes flashing in a predatory way that made Elise’s skin crawl. “She won’t be back until Sunday night, so we have the whole house to ourselves. Isn’t that nice?”

“No, it’s horrible.” They were reaching the door now and somehow Elise knew if her stepfather got her inside the house, there would be no coming out, no turning back until it was too late. Panic flooded her again and she pulled backward with all her strength, finally managing to break his hold. Turning, she stumbled across the front lawn, running blindly, trying to get away…

She didn’t even make it off the lawn before Charles tackled her, knocking the wind from her lungs and flattening her against the short, springy grass. She could feel him across her back, heavy as a mattress, the hard, hot lump of his cock grinding against her inner thighs.

“Remember how I told you we were going to have our moment?” he asked, panting in her ear. His breath was hot and smelled like stale cigarettes and scotch, making her gag. “Well that moment is now, princess. And believe me, I’m going to enjoy every minute of it.” He kicked her legs apart and ripped up her skirt.

“No!” Elise writhed against him, knowing it was too late. No one could hear her, no one could see past the thick hedge. She was trapped…trapped and there was no escape, but still she couldn’t help struggling, pleading… “Don’t do this, Charles. Please, don't! Please, I—”

“STOP THIS RIGHT NOW!”

The strangely familiar voice seemed to echo in her head. Elise looked around, blinking as the scene melted around her like a chalk drawing melting in the rain. Everything—her stepfather, Buck’s lifeless body, the huge Tudor-style house—all suddenly disappeared.

Where am I? she thought, feeling disorientated. What’s happening? Where…who…?

“Stop it, I said.”

She blinked and a large, familiar form came into focus. Merrick—it’s Merrick. But what is he doing here? Where are Buck and Charles and…?

“You can’t make her go through any more of this. I won’t fucking let you,” Merrick was growling at some strange looking people who sat across from them at a table. They all seemed to have animalistic faces. “This pain is too much for her to bear, even for a branch of your fucking sacred skrillix.”

The skrillix, Elise suddenly remembered. The pain vine. I pricked my finger with its thorn. That’s what happened…why I remembered…remembered everything.

That was why the pain of Buck’s death was still so fresh, why the horror of what her stepfather had done to her still choked her like a bone in her throat. Merrick had stopped the scene before it’s conclusion but it was too late—the vault’s door had been blown off its hinges and the evil, ugly, rotted things that had been held inside it were set loose, free to torment her forever.

“It is enough. The pain the girl-child has given will more than pay,” one of the Elders said. But Elise barely heard him. Inside her head that horrible afternoon with her stepfather echoed over and over, trapping her in a neverending loop of pain and shame and misery.

Suddenly Merrick was standing in front of her, his hands on her shoulders and concern in his eyes—those mismatched eyes so much like Buck’s. “Elise? Baby?” he asked softly. “Are you okay?”

“No.” Elise closed her eyes tightly. Pressing her palms to her temples, she pushed as hard as she could, squeezing her skull between her hands, as though if she pressed hard enough she could get rid of the awful memories. The rotting ghouls that flooded her mind with horror and filth. What he did to me, how he touched me, the way he did it over and over and over…

“Elise, please,” Merrick whispered. “Please, talk to me.”

“I can’t. I won’t. Leave me alone…leave me alone.” Elise pressed her skull harder, digging her fingers into her scalp, trying to drive out the pain. Inside her head she heard her stepfather whispering, telling her what he was going to do next, how much he was going to enjoy it, enjoy hurting her again…

It was too much. Too horrible. And this time Elise knew she’d never be able to forget again—the vault was broken beyond repair. She would live the rest of her life with this horror, this agony, this pain and shame and despair.

I’d rather die, she thought, and then it was as though her brain overloaded. Somewhere inside, a fuse blew and everything went into fast-forward—Charles and Buck and the awful weekend ran and smeared together in a loop that wouldn’t stop. Elise opened her mouth in a silent scream…and then knew no more.

Chapter Thirty-two

“There is a healing hut a level down from here. Can you carry her in the dark?” Mother-Healer asked, when Merrick emerged from the Elder’s hut carrying Elise’s limp form.

He nodded shortly. “Lead the way.”

“Come, then.”

Merrick followed the old woman, holding Elise carefully in one arm and negotiating the climbing vines with the other. It was full dark now, and he was glad of his Kindred night vision. One wrong move would send them both plunging from the top of the grandfather tree to the jungle floor below.

But it wasn’t the dangerous nighttime journey he was worried about—it was Elise. Gods, what she’d been through in the past hour, reliving her horrible past…it was enough to make him feel sick to his stomach. Her fear and pain and anguish had all transmitted clearly through their bond—Merrick had even been able to catch some of her thoughts as the awful scene unfolded. It had been hard to take, but he knew it was a thousand times worse for Elise, who had lived it.

Merrick cursed himself for not stopping it sooner, for not offering himself in her stead. But she had pricked her finger before he could stop her, and the poison of the pain vine worked so quickly…

Over and over again he heard her screams, saw the hungry, predatory gleam in her stepfather’s eyes as he pushed Elise down and took her. Rage rose in Merrick's throat like a hot and bitter bile. Goddess, he prayed as he stepped off the tree trunk and his feet found a solid branch to stand on. I don’t know if you care to hear me—if you care about me at all. But grant me this one request—let me kill the male who wronged Elise. Even though I could not save her, let me avenge her pain once and for all…

“Lay her down here.” Mother-Healer’s voice interrupted his prayer and he realized they were inside another leafy hut and she was indicating a low bed platform. He settled Elise gently on the bed and was disturbed to see that her eyes were open but she was completely unresponsive.

“What’s wrong with her?” he demanded, snapping his fingers in front of Elise’s face. “Why doesn’t she respond?”

“She is trapped in the past.” The old woman’s voice was grim. “Sometimes, when the memories are too strong, the pain vine will not release its victim.”

“What?” Merrick roared. “You mean she’s still reliving it? Over and fucking over again?”

“She will not be for long. Let me administer the cure.” Quickly she unwrapped something from her blue robes and Merrick saw that it was the skrillix branch Elise had taken—the one the Elders had insisted she buy with her pain. He hated the sight of it now, but he knew they still needed it—which was why he was concerned when the old woman pulled off one of the crimson berries. “Only one,” she said, seeing Merrick’s worried look. “That which harms can also heal.”

Gently, she pried open Elise’s mouth and squeezed the berry until its blood-red juice ran between her lips. At first there was no reaction. Then, to Merrick’s immense relief, Elise coughed and blinked her eyes. She looked up at him. “Merrick?”

“Hey, baby.” He reached down to cup her cheek but she ducked away from his touch.

“Don’t.”

“Why not?” Merrick’s heart ached. “Are you afraid of me again? Because of what you remembered?”

“Not just remembered—re-lived.” She sat up shivering and put her arms around herself. “That was awful—much worse than what the AllFather did. With him, I only had to watch my past up on a giant IMAX kind of screen. With this…” She shook her head and looked down at the floor.

“Elise…baby…” Merrick reached for her again, tentatively.

“No.” She moved away from him. “You don’t understand. I felt it all over again, Merrick. Everything he did to me. Everything he made me do to him. Oh God, I wish I was dead.”

“Don’t say that!” Merrick took her by the shoulders and shook her—not hard but enough to get her attention. “Don’t ever say that, Elise!”

“Why not?” she demanded, pulling away from his hands. “It’s true! This is why I kept you at a distance, Merrick. Because I was so afraid anything we did might bring it all back. And I knew…” Her voice hitched in a sob. “Knew if I ever remembered it, I’d never be able to suppress it again.”

“Some things you can’t suppress forever,” Merrick said, trying to make his voice gentle. “Some things you eventually have to deal with, baby.”

“I never wanted to deal with it.” Elise swiped at her eyes. “You know James thinks I’m a virgin? That’s why he’s been willing to keep his hands off me until we get married.” She gave a bitter laugh. “Of course, nothing could be farther from the truth.”

“If he really loved you, he wouldn’t care about that,” Merrick growled. “Just like I don’t care.”

“How can you not care?” She looked up at him, her eyes wet with tears. “It wasn’t just that once, you know, Merrick. It…it went on all weekend long. And after too.” She looked down again. “After awhile, I lost count of how many times he…he raped me. I just wanted it to be over so I could bury Buck and try to forget.”

Fury surged inside him, almost as strongly as the agony he felt coming through their bond. “Was there no one you could tell?” he demanded hoarsely. “No one who could help you?”

Elise shrugged. “I tried, after…after it was over. My mother didn’t believe me, so I went to the police. But my stepfather told them I was just upset with him for ‘accidentally’ running over my dog and wanted to get him in trouble.” She swiped at her eyes. “I’m pretty sure he paid them off, too. That’s the way he operates—he thinks he can buy anything he wants.”

“Including the right to take an underage female who was under his protection against her will.” Merrick shook his head grimly. “There isn’t a painful enough death to pay for what he did to you.”

She laughed brokenly. “It doesn’t matter—it’s over now. And at least now you can understand why I can’t…can’t be with you.”

“What do you mean?” Merrick’s heart stopped a moment in fear. “I thought we agreed we wanted to be together, even after the bond is broken.”

“I want to, but I can’t,” Elise whispered. “Try to understand, Merrick. I’m broken. Used.” She looked away from him and he saw her swipe at her eyes again as more tears fell. “The things he did to me can never be wiped away. I’m dirty inside. Stained…filthy…disgusting.”

“No, you’re not! Not to me.” Merrick pulled her into his lap and held her despite her struggles.

“Let me go!” She pushed against his chest and then broke down, sobbing. “How can you even want to touch me after what he did?”

“I don’t give a fuck what he did,” he growled, still holding her. “The only thing I care about is you—keeping you with me. Spending the rest of my life with you.”

“You say that now.” Elise pushed away from him and he finally yielded and let her crawl out of his lap. “You say that now,” she repeated. “But what about after the bond is dissolved? Then you’ll see me for what I really am—damaged goods.”

Frustration welled up inside him. “Elise, Goddess damn it! How can I show you? How can I prove to you that I don’t care about the past? How can I—?” Suddenly, he knew. “Wait here,” he told her. “And don’t move an inch.”

Then he ran out of the hut in search of Mother-Healer who had stepped out of the hut earlier, presumably to give them some privacy. The old woman had something he needed—needed desperately if he was ever going to prove to Elise that he loved her no matter what.

* * * * *

Elise sat on the leafy bed and stared down at her hands. The hut was lit only by a pale blue flame in a light fixture hanging overhead, which threw shadows everywhere.

She shivered and it occurred to her that she was still naked, but someone—perhaps Mother-Healer—had left her robes by the side of the bed. Elise put them on and then sat back on the bed in the dim blue light.

Her hands were cupped in her lap and the shadows filled them like cool, dark water. She tried to make her mind a blank, tried not to think about what had happened, about the memories that now crowded her head like corpses raised from the dead. But she knew they would always be with her. Her days of living on the surface of life were over—from now on she would have to wake up every morning, get through every day, and go to bed every night with the memory of what had happened to her haunting her like a ghost.

It was almost more than she could bear.

“Here. Here it is.”

She looked up and saw Merrick holding the skrillix branch in one hand and a carved wooden cup filled with red liquid in the other. Immediately, she recoiled.

“Get it away from me! I won’t go through it again—I won’t!”

“No, no, baby,” Merrick soothed, sitting down beside her on the bed. He’d gotten his trousers back on though he was still bare-chested, and he looked very big in the dim light—like a shadow come to life. “You’ll never have to go through that again—I swear,” he said. “This time it’s for me.”

Elise looked at him blankly. “I don’t understand.”

“Remember on our flight here, the first time you let me touch you—really touch you—and I told you I’d tell you about my scars when you told me about yours?” he asked.

“Yes,” Elise said cautiously.

“Well, this is it,” Merrick said simply. “You did more than tell me—you showed me. And I want to show you, too.”

Elise frowned. “I appreciate the offer, Merrick, but I’m not sure how that will help. I mean, just because we went digging through my horrible past doesn’t mean we have to go digging through yours too.”

“Yes, we do,” he said. “I need to show you, baby. Although I warn you…you may feel differently about me when you see.”

“You don’t have to show me,” Elise said gently. She put a hand on his knee. “Don’t do it, Merrick—you’ll be sorry. Believe me, I certainly am.”

“I’m sorry too,” he said roughly. “I never should have let you go through that. I should have offered myself right from the start.”

“No.” Elise shook her head firmly. “You’ve taken enough punishment for me already. Which is why you don’t have to do this.”

“Yes, I do,” Merrick growled. “I want you to know me the way I know you. I don’t want there to be any more secrets between us to keep us apart. This is the only way to do that.”

Elise was touched. He really cares for me. Cares so much he’s willing to re-live the worst experience of his life just to prove it.

“Goddess-damned right, I care,” Merrick growled.

Elise frowned. Was their bond so deep that he could read her thoughts now? But she didn’t have much time to speculate. Merrick pricked his finger with one of the wicked-looking skrillix thorns and let a single drop of blood fall into the carved wooden cup. Then he put the skrillix branch carefully to one side and looked at her.

“I’m going back, Elise. Back to when I got this.” He traced the jagged scar that bisected his eyebrow and ran down his cheek in a cruel, white line. “Are you coming with me or not?” He offered her the cup.

“Yes.” She took the cup, unable to refuse his sacrifice. “Yes, Merrick, of course I’ll come.”

And then she drank.

Chapter Thirty-three

Suddenly Merrick was back in his old home grotto of Lanash on Tranq Prime.

He looked down at himself, and saw that he was wearing a black tharp wrapped around his waist as well as black fur boots. His chest was bare and it was neither as muscular nor as scarred as he was used to seeing it. A glance upwards showed the vast stone roof arched overhead, too high to see at its peak. The columns holding it up were etched with the ancient Prime symbols for purity—racial purity, that was. And since Merrick was a blending of three races—Blood Kindred, Beast Kindred, and Tranq Prime, he didn’t exactly live up to the ideal. In fact, he fell so far short it was a fucking joke—one he didn’t find in the least bit funny.

He was on his way from the learning house, which had let out early that day, to the domicile he and his mother shared with Jonquil, the male she’d taken up with after they’d moved back to Tranq Prime. Merrick didn’t like living with Jonquil—he talked sweetly and pretended to love Merrick’s mother but Merrick could see the lie in his pale blue eyes. This Tranq Prime male with no Kindred blood in his veins didn’t care for his mother, not the way Merrick’s father had. But his father was dead and they couldn’t stay with their kin anymore. Though his mother’s sister had offered them the cup of hospitality to drink from, it was clear she didn’t want them in her domicile. Merrick knew why, too—it was because of him.

On Rageron, his differences had been noticed but accepted. His large size and mismatched eyes were remarked on but not mocked. But here on Tranq Prime things were different. The word “hybrid” was a curse, and his mixed heritage was looked upon with disgust and loathing. The Primes wanted no one with impure blood anywhere near them, and they were quick to let him know it.

Going to the learning house, where all the children were taught until their early teens, was a nightmare which he got through mainly by not speaking to anyone except for his friend, Sylvan. Sylvan, who was the only one who didn’t look down on Merrick or call him names or hate him for being different. But now even Sylvan was gone. His mother had died tragically and his father, a Kindred warrior like Merrick’s had been, had moved off-planet, taking Merrick’s one and only friend with him.

Merrick missed his friend horribly, but it had been years since Sylvan left, and it was clear he wasn’t coming back. So he’d learned to turn a deaf ear to the jeers and insults. He was larger than all of his classmates and could have beaten any of them easily in a fight, but his mother had begged him to be careful. Fighting was grounds for dismissal, and if he was cast out of the learning house, it would give Jonquil a reason to cast them out of his domicile. She never said this out loud but Merrick knew it was true. Jonquil didn’t like him any more than the other pure blooded Primes, even if he was supposed to be Merrick’s “second father,” a term of affection Merrick would rather die than use.

There was another reason he didn’t fight, but it was buried inside him, buried so deeply he was almost afraid to think about it. His mother had mentioned it once in a roundabout way, but that had been long ago.

“It’s dangerous for someone like you to fight,” she had said, rubbing his back as she tried to soothe him after a bad day at the learning house. A day like any other, when he was cursed at and spit on for being different. For being himself.

“You mean a hybrid—a half-breed,” Merrick had said bitterly. “It’s dangerous for a half-breed to fight. They never called me that on Rageron, Mamam. Why did you bring us here where everyone hates me just for being different?”

She sighed and he saw a troubled look in her lovely green eyes, which made him regret his words—but only a little. “Oh Merrick, you know why.” She rubbed his back. “The tribal wars and the plagues…I feared for you. Feared for us both, without your father to watch over us.”

“Shuura and Tongs were there,” Merrick said stubbornly. “At least they would have taken me on my coming of age hunt, which is more than Jonquil will do. It shames me, Mamam, that I have not yet killed a vranna.”

“Killing…violence…” She shook her head sadly. “Don’t be in such a hurry to grow up, my son. Being an adult is a difficult, ugly business sometimes.”

“You can’t keep me young forever,” Merrick growled. “Look at me, Mamam—I’m as tall as some of the Prime males already and I’m sure I’ll be as big as Father was soon. Yet I still have the status of a child. Since you forbid me to fight, I need to spill first blood if I am ever to be accepted at the learning house.”

“All right.” She nodded reluctantly. “I’ll speak to Jonquil about it again. But you must keep your temper, Merrick—no matter how the others tease you at learning house. You must stay in control of yourself at all times.”

Merrick couldn’t control his frustration. “But why, Mamam? You don’t know the things they say to me, the things they do. Why can’t I teach one of them a lesson, just once?”

“Because…” She’d hesitated, her green eyes troubled. “Because, Merrick, sometimes when someone like you—when a hybrid—starts fighting, they can’t stop. Do you understand?”

Slowly, Merrick had nodded. He didn’t think about it much, but he knew it was there—a deep, untapped well of violence that lived just under the surface of his soul. If I fought them, he told himself, thinking of the bullies at school, the ones that jeered at him and called him “half-breed scum” and “Kindred dog.” If I let myself go, even once, I wouldn’t stop until they were all dead. Every last one of them.

It was a horrible thing to realize about himself. Horrible, but true. He could feel the cold curtain of hatred—the killing frost, as he thought of it to himself—wanting to come over him sometimes. It hung over him like a cloud, waiting to descend when he was having an especially bad day and the other students wouldn’t leave him alone, but somehow he always managed to stave it off. In the past, he’d done that by talking to Sylvan. But now that his friend was gone, he had no outlet. Lately Merrick had felt the rage growing inside him, getting deeper and hotter, like an angry flame licking at the edges of his soul, hungry to consume him. But if he let the fire burn too brightly, he knew the killing frost would not be far behind.

I must not give in, he told himself as he walked through the public reflection area, looking at the snowdrop trees, which were in full bloom. Their delicate, lacy white blossoms looked like palm-sized snowflakes caught just before they melted. Can’t let them get to me.

But it was getting harder and harder to control his rage, to put it away and not give in to the cold hatred that wanted to consume him. Especially when the others teased him about not being a true male. Merrick thought the shame of not letting his first blood yet would kill him sometimes.

I should go out on my own, he thought as he walked past the quiet waters of the pond. I know where Jonquil keeps his shale. I’ll kill a vranna and drag it back to the grotto on my own. That would shut the bastards up. They’d never dare to call me half-breed or a child again. I—

“Hey, half-breed!”

The unwelcome shout came from his left and Merrick turned, frowning. It was Rattis, the leader of the males who bullied him at the learning house, and he had his whole group of followers with him.

Merrick glared at them. “What do you want? It’s a nice enough day—we even got out of learning house early. Can’t you just leave me alone?”

“Now why would we do that?” Rattis swaggered over. He and the other males in his group all wore blood-red tharps and red fur boots, a symbol of their gang of pure-blooded Primes. “When it’s so much fun to teach you a lesson?”

“And what ‘lesson’ would that be, Rattis?” Merrick growled.

“The lesson that hybrids and half-breeds aren’t wanted here. Especially ones not even male enough to kill a vranna and let first blood.” Rattis came right up and stood toe to toe with him. He was a head shorter than Merrick and not half as muscular, but he acted with the assurance of someone who is confronting a coward, someone who won’t fight back no matter what is done to him.

I’m no coward, Merrick thought, his hands curling into fists. I could kill them—kill them all without even trying. But if he did that—if he so much as laid a finger on them—Jonquil would cast him and his mother out. It would kill his mother if she had to live with her sister again and their only other option would be the frozen tundra above, where nothing warm-blooded could survive for long. Tranq Prime was a closed world—those without kin or someone willing to take them in died in its icy grip.

So Merrick took a deep breath and pushed the cold, killing rage that wanted to rise in him back down below the surface. “I have no quarrel with you, Rattis,” he said in the most neutral voice he could manage. “Leave me in peace and I’ll be on my way.”

“If we did that, then you’d never leave, hybrid scum.” Rattis spat on the ground at his feet. “You and your whore of a mother would stay here forever, polluting our grotto with your impure filth.”

“What did you say?” Merrick took a step closer to the other male so that he was towering over Rattis. “What did you just call my mother?”

For the first time, Rattis looked uneasy. “I only spoke the truth.”

“He’s right,” Nadire, one of the other males in the gang sneered. “My older brother visited her yesterday.”

“So did mine.” Rattis laughed, apparently forgetting his unease. “He said she has a mouth sweeter than any female in the grotto. And her cunt—”

Merrick could feel the rage rising in him and this time there was no stopping it. It was one thing to put up with the insults and jeers about his own mixed parentage, but no one was going to speak ill of his mother. His arm shot out, and he gripped Rattis by the throat and hoisted him into the air. He shook the other male as though he weighed no more than a doll. “You dare!” he roared. “You dare to tell filthy lies about my mother? I’ll kill you!”

Rattis’ face turned as red as his tharp and he scrabbled at Merrick’s hand frantically. “True,” he wheezed. “Not lying. Ask…anyone.”

“Let him down!” Nadire shouted. “He is telling the truth—we all are.” He looked at the other pure blooded males. “Aren’t we?” They nodded their heads and murmured ascent.

The rage inside Merrick died down a little, giving way to confusion and disbelief. It couldn’t be, could it? Surely they were just trying to hurt him—saying the worst possible thing to wound him to the core. Then he remembered the strange males he’d sometimes seen leaving the domicile as he came in from his hours at the learning house. He’d assumed they were friends of Jonquil’s. Jonquil, who never did any work but somehow always managed to have plenty of money to spare. Jonquil, who looked at his mother with those pale, predatory eyes, as though he was calculating how much she was worth…

Stunned, he dropped Rattis to the ground. The other male lay there, choking and rubbing his bruised neck.

“You’re a liar,” Merrick told him but he wasn’t sure if he was trying to convince Rattis or himself.

“Am not.” Rattis scrambled to his feet, his face still purple with strain. “Why do you think Jonquil took the two of you in, in the first place? It wasn’t from the goodness of his heart—that’s for damn sure.”

Rage rose in Merrick again and he started forward. But something stopped him—the need to know. The need to refute this ugly, hateful rumor once and for all.

Rattis and the others took advantage of his indecision and scrambled away to what they obviously considered a safe distance. They put the body of the large, silvery lake between themselves and Merrick, but Rattis, as always, had to have the last word.

“Go see for yourself if you don’t believe me,” he shouted, his words echoing across the lake. “I heard the Bloodstart brothers talking about going to see her together this afternoon. She takes them two at a time—did you know that, you hybrid freak?”

“You fucking bastard,” Merrick growled. “You’ll pay for those lies, I promise.”

“You won’t be able to touch me once I show the house master these.” Rattis pointed to the collar of purple bruises, which were beginning to rise on his neck where Merrick had choked him. “You’ll be dismissed and kicked out of learning house and probably the entire grotto.”

“You—” Merrick started around the lake but the bully and his gang fled, laughing as they ran.

“Run along, half-breed,” Rattis called over his shoulder. “Run along and find out the truth about your whore of a mother.”

They fled into the snowdrop trees and disappeared from view, but Merrick wasn’t following them, anyway. He had to know now—had to know the truth, no matter how much it stung.

Turning, he set out at a run for his domicile.

* * * * *

Elise watched, her heart breaking, as a much younger and more innocent Merrick ran toward home. He looked so different here, in his vision of the past. His hair was longer, a glossy blue-black color she thought was beautiful. He was tall and big for his age, but it was clear he hadn’t nearly reached his full growth yet. How old was he, here in the past? Twelve? Thirteen? Elise couldn’t tell, but she thought he was somewhere in that age range. His eyes were the same—the lovely, mismatched blue and gold—but there were no scars on his face or body. Strange to see, since the older version of Merrick—the one she knew—had scars everywhere, both inside and out.

Her heart ached for this younger, more naive Merrick. He’d been hurt by the death of his father ,and by the cruel taunts of the other boys, but his innocence hadn’t been stripped from him—not yet. Yet Elise was terribly afraid that was about to happen. She hoped with all her might that the other boys had just been teasing him and telling lies about his mother—a woman the young Merrick obviously worshiped and adored, if Elise’s glimpse into his thoughts was accurate. Was she about to be knocked off her pedestal?

Elise didn’t have long to wonder. The young Merrick ran through the high, arching cavern of rainbow-colored rock and down a complex series of tunnels that got progressively smaller and narrower. At last, just when Elise was beginning to feel claustrophobic, even though she knew she wasn’t really there, he came to a simple stone door set in a brown stone wall. He produced some kind of key-like device from the folds of the black wrap he wore around his waist, and hastily opened the door.

Inside, the living area was depressingly dim and shabby. A thin channel of steaming purple water ran through the center of the room, which was lit only by some faint light fixtures attached to the low ceiling. It was clear someone had tried to pretty it up—there was a vase filled with fresh blossoms, like those from the grove of trees Merrick had been standing in when the vision began. But the furniture was threadbare and scuffed, and the floors had dirt grimed into them that no mop, however industrious, could ever completely eradicate.

Lounging in one of the broken-down chairs was a man who looked to Elise to be in his mid-forties. He had the lean, hungry look of a greyhound that has never caught a rabbit and the light blond hair and pale blue eyes that seemed to be the norm for people here.

“Merrick!” He sat up frowning when Merrick rushed through the door. “What in the seven hells are you doing home this time of day? Why aren’t you at learning house?”

“Let out early,” Merrick growled. “Where’s my mother?”

The older man shifted uncomfortably. “Why…at the market. She decided to do a little shopping—make something special for our last meal tonight.”

Merrick’s mismatched eyes narrowed. “Liar.” Turning, he ran through the living area and into a smaller kitchen and dining room area, which looked clean and neat but was every bit as shabby as the living room.

“Wait!” the older man shouted, leaping to his feet. He ran after Merrick and put a hand on his shoulder. Now that they were standing together, Elise could see that the older man was taller, but not by much.

“What?” Merrick glared at him. “Get your hand off me, Jonquil.”

The man’s pale blue eyes narrowed. “She’s taking a nap,” he snapped. “Let her be.”

“I thought she was at the market. Is she buying special ingredients for last meal or sleeping—which is it, Jonquil? Either way, I’m going in.” Merrick shrugged the man’s hand off his shoulder and turned to a small doorway that led off the kitchen area.

“No!’ Jonquil shouted but it was too late, Merrick had already swung the door wide and seen what was going on, on the other side.

From where she stood, silent and invisible, Elise could see it all. There was a bed—a thin mattress set on a stone platform—and on it a lovely, disheveled woman with blonde hair and green eyes. On the bed with her were two men whose nearly identical faces proclaimed them to be related—probably brothers. Both of them had their pants around their ankles and one was in the act of mounting the woman—the woman who had to be Merrick’s mother, Elise realized with a sinking heart.

The two men looked up at the interruption, the looks of surprise and fear on their faces almost comical. But there was nothing funny about the look on Merrick’s face. As Elise watched, his expression went from disbelief to horror to black rage.

“Merrick,” his mother cried, her pale skin flushing red. She scrambled to cover herself with the rumpled sheets. “What are you doing here?”

“I was going to ask you the same thing, Mother.” He looked at her coldly. “Are these two males attacking you?”

“Of course we’re not,” blustered one of the men.

“We paid our money fair and square,” the other one protested.

“Is that so? You paid for my mother?” Merrick spoke quietly, but the look on his face was hatred so pure and cold it was frightening to see, especially on one so young. Something in that look seemed to scare the two men.

“I…we…” began one, backing away as he reached for his pants.

“She…Jonquil said we could…” The other man was also fumbling for his trousers.

“Jonquil said that, did he?” Merrick’s voice was a soft, threatening growl and Elise could feel his rage rising through their bond. She could feel the cold bloodlust Merrick called “the killing frost” overtaking him and this time he wasn’t trying to push it away. This time he embraced it.

“Yes, I said it.” Merrik’s stepfather, in some ways as loathsome as Elise’s own, was suddenly standing in the narrow doorway. “So get out now, Merrick and let them finish their business.”

“Let them finish? Let them finish?” Merrick took a step toward his stepfather, his hands clenched into fists at his sides, his eyes blazing. Elise wasn’t sure but it looked to her as though his fangs had grown much longer and sharper than they had been at first.

“You heard me.” Jonquil frowned at Merrick. “Go on now, boy, before I take my fist to you.”

“Jonquil, no!” Merrick’s mother pleaded, her voice soft. “It’s natural for him to be upset. He didn’t know.”

“He should have guessed.” Jonquil spat at the floor. “Did he think I’d take in a cast-off Kindred bitch and her half-breed whelp out of the goodness of my heart?” He looked at Merrick. “Nothing’s for free, boy—your mamam has to earn your keep. Now get out, so she can finish earning it.”

“I know something you’ve earned, Jonquil. You fucking earned it the first minute you forced my mother to do…to do this.” Merrick’s voice had grown deeper—a man’s voice. And the look in his eyes was so cold Elise wondered that his stepfather didn’t freeze on the spot.

“Going to dish me out a punishment, are you brat?” Jonquil gave an ugly laugh. “You’re not even a man yet. You haven’t spilled first blood.”

“No,” Merrick growled softly. “But I’m about to.”

“You dare to threaten me?” A knife suddenly appeared in Jonquil’s hand. “Come at me, boy. Do your worst.”

“Merrick, no!” his mother shouted but her words were lost in the full-throated roar coming from Merrick’s lips. He launched himself at his hated stepfather, armed with nothing but his bare hands and his fangs. Jonquil shouted and raised his knife, and then all hell broke loose.

Elise winced, wishing she could close her eyes. But Merrick had watched her ordeal, feeling the terror and pain right along with her—she owed it to him to watch until the end. So she wrapped her arms around herself and tried not to gasp and cry out as Merrick’s stepfather cut him, his long cruel knife biting into Merrick’s bare chest again and again in long slashes and stabs.

Merrick fought back, of course—giving as good as he was getting, though he was essentially unarmed. He was trying to go for Jonquil’s throat and several times he nearly succeeded, only to be held off by the older man’s longer reach. His mouth and his stepfather’s neck were both bloody but he hadn’t yet managed to nick any of the large arteries that pulsed under Jonquil’s pale skin.

Merrick’s mother was screaming on the bed and her two clients had finally gotten their pants up and beat a hasty retreat, sliding carefully around the man and boy fighting in the middle of the room.

Neither Merrick nor his stepfather could get the upper hand. Merrick was big for his age, but still just a boy and Jonquil was making good use of his knife. Too good, in fact—as Elise watched, Merrick threw himself forward and Jonquil dodged left and gave a vicious downward slice. The point of the knife started at Merrick’s scalp and bisected his eyebrow, causing blood to pour into his eye. He jerked to one side just in time to save his eyeball, but the blade continued down. It flayed open his cheek like raw meat so that Elise could see his teeth and gums where the knife had sliced into his face.

Merrick’s mother’s eyes widened as she saw the ugly wound as well. “Stop it, Jonquil—you’re hurting him! Stop now, both of you!” she screamed. Jumping off the bed, she threw herself between them.

Elise saw it all as if in slow motion. First, Merrick finally managed to get his fangs locked on the side of Jonquil’s throat. But at the same time, his stepfather raised the knife again, clearly intending to bury it in Merrick’s chest.

His mother got in the way.

Elise gasped in horror as she saw the silver blade pierce the slender, white throat and then slide outward, severing precious arteries in its random, hateful path. With a gurgle of pain, Merrick’s mother sank to her knees just as Merrick ripped out Jonquil’s throat.

Blood spurted everywhere, covering the three of them like scarlet paint. It was obvious to Elise that Merrick didn’t understand what had happened. He shook his stepfather like a dog shakes a rat, his fangs still buried in the other man’s throat. Only when Jonquil was limp in his arms did he happen to glance down…down at his mother, who was writhing weakly at his feet with blood still leaking from her neck.

With a gasp, he dropped Jonquil’s lifeless form and scrambled to take his mother in his arms.

“Mother! Mamam,” he cried. Frantically he tried to cover the wound in her neck, but it was clearly too late. The blood was no longer jetting from the severed artery—it was a sluggish flow now that would soon stop. Under its spattering of red droplets, Merrick’s mother’s face was as pale as paper. As white as death.

“Merrick,” she whispered, reaching for him with one hand. Somehow she managed to cup his unwounded cheek. “Sorry…so sorry.”

“Don’t go.” There were tears in Merrick’s mismatched eyes. “Don’t leave me. I don’t care what you were doing—I don’t care about anything, Mamam. Just don’t go.”

“Have to.” Her voice was little more than a whisper now and Elise wondered how she could talk at all with such a horrible wound in her throat. “You…go too,” she told Merrick. “Go back…Rageron. Stay with…father’s brothers. Keep you…safe. Love…you.” The last words were so soft Elise could barely hear them.

“I’m not going anywhere without you,” Merrick told her but he was talking to a corpse. Somehow the life had leaked out of his mother’s eyes, leaving them as cold and empty as green glass marbles.

She was gone.

Merrick sobbed convulsively and crushed her to his chest. “Mamam…Mamam…no.”

It was a cry from his heart, a plea that fell on deaf ears. Elise, watching him, found that she was crying too. Sobbing right along with Merrick as her heart broke for the boy he had been and the man he had become. Kneeling there in that blood-soaked room she watched him lose his innocence as surely as she had lost hers when her stepfather had ripped it from her. They had both lost something irretrievable at a young age. They had both been stained and wounded by a cruel fate.

“Enough,” she whispered. And then, louder, “Enough. Please, make it stop. I…I can’t take anymore.”

Slowly, the scene faded and she found she was back on the leaf-covered bed in the dim hut on Rageron. Merrick was sitting beside her, his hands clasped in his lap, staring straight ahead. He said nothing and made no sound, but tears ran down his cheeks and dripped onto the shadowy floor.

“Merrick,” she whispered, taking one of his hands between her own. “I didn’t know. I’m so sorry you had to go through that again.”

He shook his head. “Had to be done. You had to see…had to know.” He looked at her, his eyes still wet. “I was so eager to come of age, but the first blood I ever spilled was my own mother’s.”

“It wasn’t you,” Elise protested. “It was your stepfather—that Jonquil bastard. He stabbed her with the knife!”

“That stroke was meant for me.” Merrick looked away. “I should have died that day—not her. Never her.”

“She wouldn’t have wanted that. I’m sure she wouldn’t.” Leaning forward, Elise cupped his scarred cheek in her hand and turned his face toward hers. “She loved you, Merrick. I could see it, even in that short amount of time. You meant everything to her.”

“I know. She wouldn’t have whored herself out, otherwise.” He swiped at his eyes. “She was supporting me the only way she could, but I didn’t see it until too late.”

“How could you?” Elise demanded indignantly. “You were so young.”

“You were too, baby.” Merrick took the hand that was cupping his cheek and kissed it gently. “I’ve never really been able to forget what happened that night,” he told her in a low voice. “I mean, I pushed it to the back of my mind, but I never really blocked it all the way out. But you…”

“I had everything tucked away.” Elise sighed. “Buried. Out of sight, out of mind. Now, well, I guess I’ll have to deal with it.”

“We can deal with it together,” Merrick said softly. “We’re both broken, baby…both fucking damaged beyond repair. But maybe between the two of us, we can make a whole. You think?”

Elise thought of what she’d been through that night—reliving the rape all over again, losing her only means of dealing with the past when the vault was smashed to smithereens. Then she thought of what she’d just witnessed—Merrick ripping out his stepfather’s throat and holding his dying mother in his arms.

Between the two of them, they had enough emotional baggage to start their own luggage store.

But he understands, she thought, looking at the tear tracks on his scarred cheeks. He knows what it’s like to hurt so badly you want to die. To have no one to understand you.

No one until now, she heard a soft, gruff voice in her head.

Her eyes widened and she looked up at Merrick. “Did you just…”

“Yeah.” He nodded. “Guess our bond has deepened again. Not only can we feel each other’s emotions, now we can hear each other’s thoughts.”

“I’m not sure how I feel about that,” Elise said tentatively. “But I think…I think I like it.”

“I do too.” Merrick sighed. “Too bad we’ll lose it when we dissolve the bond.” He looked at Elise. “But we won’t lose everything—it’s important you know that, baby. Important you believe it.”

“I believe it,” Elise said quietly. “I believe you, Merrick. And if…when the bond is dissolved and we’re separated, if you still want me, well, I’m yours. I’ll tell James the wedding is off and I’ll stay with you. I—”

But she couldn’t finish because Merrick had gathered him to her in a bear hug so tight she could hardly breathe.

“You won’t be sorry,” he whispered in her ear. “Even without the bond, I’ll love you. Love you forever, baby.”

“Oh, Merrick…” Elise felt tears squeezing from her eyes as she hugged him back, breathing in his wild, dark scent that made her feel so safe and comforted. “I love you too,” she whispered. “I love you, too.”

* * * * *

Merrick was having a nightmare—Elise was in some kind of danger and he couldn’t get to her. “I’m coming,” he told her over and over. “I’ll be right there, baby—I swear!” But it seemed as though someone had dipped his feet in lead and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t reach her.

And then the voice began. “That’s right, come for her,” it hissed in his ear and even the sound of it caused him pain. Merrick looked down and saw wounds opening up on his chest and arms. Blood flowed in rivulets down his skin, exactly as if someone had sliced him with a knife. “Come to get her, Hybrid. Before it’s too late…”

“You bastard!” Merrick struggled against the inertia of the dream. “Leave her alone. Take me if you have to, but leave Elise the fuck alone—”

A piercing scream penetrated his dream and he sat up at once, reaching for the knife he always kept in his boot. “What the fuck?” He looked around, instantly alert, and saw Elise thrashing on the bed beside him.

“Don’t,” she moaned. “Don’t let him have me! The Darkness…the Darkness that eats the Stars…”

“Elise … Baby …” Merrick replaced the knife swiftly and scooped her into his arms. They were still on the low sleeping platform in the healing hut and someone—probably Mother-Healer—had covered them with a loose coverlet of yanyan leaves. “It’s all right,” he murmured, holding Elise close, comforting her as he had before on the Mother Ship. “Everything’s all right. I’m here.”

Her eyes flew open and then squeezed shut again as she encircled his neck in a panicky hug. “Oh, Merrick! It was so bad…so awful.” The words came spilling out and she seemed helpless to stop them. “I dreamed he had me—he had me and he wouldn’t let me go. You were trying to get to me, but you couldn’t. And every word the man said…it cut you—like a knife. You were bleeding everywhere but you were still trying to get to me. I was so afraid for you…”

The similarity in their dreams wasn’t lost on Merrick. “Shh, baby, shh, it’s all right,” he rumbled, stroking her shivering back gently. “But what man are you talking about? Who was cutting me with his words?”

“I…I don’t know.” She pulled back, away from him, her brown eyes wet with tears. “The man with the silver eyes. He was so strange…handsome, but…but there was something wrong about him. Something missing. I can’t explain it any better than that.” She shook her head. “What does it mean?”

“I don’t know.” Merrick rubbed a hand over his face and sighed wearily. “I’d like to say it’s only a dream, but we are in the center of the Deep Blue. Some people claim to have visions here.”

“I had a dream like that once before.” Elise frowned. “Back when I was coming out of stasis, I think. It was so awful I blocked it out until now.” She shook her head. “Do you think it’s just one more thing escaping from the vault? Something else I made myself forget that’s coming back to haunt me now?”

“I hope so.” Merrick frowned. “Yeah, I’m sure that’s it. It probably leaked from your mind to mine through the bond.”

But inside, he wondered. He was careful to shield his thoughts from Elise but he vowed to himself that they would leave the Deep Blue tomorrow and fly back to the Mother ship as fast as possible. He wanted to have Elise somewhere safe, somewhere they could start their life together after the bond was dissolved. Somewhere he could protect her and love her forever.

Chapter Thirty-four

Elise wasn't the only one having bad dreams. Light years away, Xairn, twitched in his sleep, groaning softly as the vision tormented him yet again.

"What's the matter, lover boy?" a woman's voice—a terribly familiar voice—whispered in his ear.

In the dream, Xairn turned with a start, trying to find the source of the voice—the source of the danger. He was standing in a long, dark hallway and he could see nothing. Nothing at all.

"Do you miss me?" whispered the soft, familiar voice and this time it sounded like she was right beside him. "Miss me like I miss you?"

"Who are you?" Xairn demanded, looking around. "What do you want with me?"

"Why, I want the same thing you want, of course." Suddenly, a slender feminine figure appeared, gliding toward him out of the darkness. She had pale blue skin and luminous pink eyes that seemed to take up most of her face. "What you've always wanted from me," she continued.

"I don't want anything from you," Xairn protested. "I don't even know you."

"Oh, I think you do." As she drew closer, she changed. Her skin turned from pale blue to lily white and her eyes got slightly smaller and tilted exotically. Instead of round pupils, she had slits like a cat and her hair was suddenly a writhing mass of tentacles. Leaning close, she put her face right up to his, her lips only inches from his own. "I think you want to fuck," she whispered, and Xairn felt her soft, cool hand cupping him, stroking him down below where he so desperately needed to be touched.

But not by her—never by her. He wanted to push her hand away but in the timeless way of dreams, he found he was frozen to the spot. "Get away from me," he growled, glaring at her. "I don't know who or what you are but I already have a mate."

For the first time, the dream woman seemed to lose her composure. "Ah yes, the lovely Lauren," she snarled. "The one you choose over all others. Except you haven't been choosing her lately, have you? You haven't touched her since I started sending you these dreams. It's too…unsettling, isn't it?"

The soft hand cupping his cock tightened and the mystery woman began to change again.

Xairn knew what was coming next but he still flinched when her skin turned from white to a creamy, light mocha and her hair became long and silky and black. Her eyes lost their exotic tilt as well as their slitted pupils and became a normal human shape. Their color, though, was anything but normal. They became a lovely, golden amber—a shade no one else but his mate, Lauren possessed.

"Lauren," he whispered hoarsely.

The female thing threw back its head and laughed. "Yes, I can be her for you. I can be Lauren." She was suddenly naked, the white, star-shaped birthmark between her breasts glimmering in the darkness. "I can be anyone you desire. Anyone…at all."

"You're not really her. Leave me—go away!" he demanded but she only laughed and the hand on his cock began to stroke up and down in a sensual way his body couldn't help but react to.

"Your sexual hunger makes you weak, Scourge," she whispered in his ear. "Weak and needy…"

"No…no, please!" He twisted to get away from her but he was frozen, helpless…

Suddenly a new hand was shaking his shoulder. "Xairn?" said a familiar voice. "Xairn, honey, are you okay?"

** * * * *

Xairn sat up with a shout that scared Little One right off the bed. She whimpered and tucked her tail between her legs, huddling near the doorway in fear.

Lauren climbed out of bed and soothed the frightened puppy before letting her out of the bedroom. Then she closed the door behind her and called for some soft lighting. The room lights obeyed her and she was able to see her man sitting up in bed, a wild look in his eyes.

"Xairn?" she said gently, coming back to him. "Baby, are you okay?"

"Yes…no." He shook his head. "I'm not certain. I just…I think I need some air."

He started to get up but Lauren pushed him right back down again. "No, I don't think so." She frowned and crossed her arms over her breasts. "You and I are going to have a little talk."

Xairn shook his head wearily. "Not now, Lauren. It's…not a good time."

"No time is a good time with you, lately." She poked a finger at his broad chest. "Every time I try to say anything to you besides what we're having for supper, you run. Well, not anymore—something is going on and we're going to talk about it right now."

Xairn groaned and looked so unhappy that Lauren nearly relented. But then she remembered the fact that they hadn't had sex in weeks or a decent conversation in even longer than that. "You have to make him talk," she heard Olivia's voice whispering in her ear. Lifting her chin, Lauren decided to take her cousin's wise advice to heart and do just that.

"Baby," she said, softening her tone. "Come on now, please don't be like that. I didn't mean to sound harsh but I need you to talk to me—tell me what's going on."

"I…" Xairn gave a defeated sigh. "I didn't want to say anything because I hoped…hoped they would go away."

"You hoped what would go away?" Lauren asked, puzzled.

"The dreams." He dropped his head into his hands again. "The Goddess-damned dreams. Every night I have them and they're getting worse."

"Tell me." Lauren sat beside him and reached out to rub his shoulders, but Xairn flinched away from her touch. Trying not to show how much his avoidance hurt her, she sat back a little and looked at him. "Tell me," she said again. "Start at the beginning."

Briefly, in clipped, painful words, he told her of the strange woman he kept seeing. The one who looked like her.

"She…torments me," he admitted in a harsh whisper. "Touches me, even when I don't want her to. But I can't seem to stop her. I don't know what to do."

Lauren felt like an icy hand had gripped her heart. "This dream—you think it's your subconscious telling you that I have you trapped?" she asked, forcing the words out with difficulty. "I mean maybe now that I'm having a baby, you're feeling tied down and—"

"It's nothing like that," Xairn interrupted, frowning. "You're having our baby, Lauren." He put a gentle hand on her belly. "A baby we both want very much."

Lauren was touched—it was the first time he'd touched her voluntarily in weeks. She felt a thrill go through her as his warm palm branded her skin through the silky-sheer negligee she wore.

"What then, honey?" she asked gently. "What is the dream trying to tell you?"

"I don't know." He shook his head and frowned. "But I do know that female is not you. She only takes your shape to trouble me."

"Not me but looks like me. The clone," Lauren breathed, feeling sick. "Is she…do you think it's her?" Every time she thought of the perfect clone of herself which they had left light years away in a far distant part of the universe, she felt both a twinge of guilt and a twist of dread. She had all my memories, she thought. She looked just like me. She thought she was me.

"It may be the clone," Xairn said, frowning. "But I don't know—she takes other shapes too. Other forms and disguises. I don't know if it's her or not—I only know that when she takes your form I'm filled with both confusion and…" He trailed off, shaking his head.

"And what?" Lauren urged him, when he didn't go on. "Go ahead, say it, baby."

"And desire," Xairn whispered in a low, hoarse voice. "But I know it isn't her I desire, it's you. I don't want my body to react to her but it's been so long since we've touched each other—I…I can't help it. Forgive me," he ended, looking down.

"We stopped touching each other because you started running," Lauren reminded him. Her heart ached when she remembered all the rejections of the past few weeks. "You abandoned me, Xairn—sexually, anyway. And now is not a good time for me to be feeling abandoned. These pregnancy hormones…" She sniffed and shook her head, determined not to cry. "They make me crazy. And not just crazy—needy. Hungry. I think you know what I'm trying to say."

"Yes," he murmured and his red-on-black eyes flashed. In their depths Lauren could see an echo of her own hunger. "I can smell your heat. Your need to be taken," he admitted.

Lauren finally lost her patience. "Then damn it, why don't you take me?"

"Because." Xairn looked away again. "I felt such shame at the way I reacted to the dreams. To the female who isn't you but looks like you." He looked up at Lauren. "How could I take you after waking from such a dream? How could I use you to slake the lust that was wrongly woken in me? It would be dishonest…unfaithful."

Suddenly Lauren had an idea. "So let me understand this—you've been avoiding me because this other woman—this dream skank—who looks like me, comes to you in dreams and gets you all hot and bothered. And when you wake up, you're too freaked out and guilty to make love to the real me. Is that right?"

Slowly, he nodded. "Yes."

"Then we just have to get you over those dreams. Tell me something, baby…" Lauren crawled up to him and straddled his thighs so that she was sitting astride him.

"What?" Xairn looked at her warily but made no move to get away.

"Do you remember the way you told me apart from that clone in the first place?" Lauren murmured. "It was by my scent." Reaching down between her legs, she lifted the lace hem of her negligee and slipped her panties to one side. Her pussy was already hot and wet, just from being close to her man again after so long. It wasn't hard to slip two fingers inside herself and coat them with her honey.

"Lauren…" Xairn's eyes were burning with lust and she could feel the hard lump of his cock branding her ass. It only reinforced what she intended to do.

"My scent," she repeated and brought her fingers to his face.

Xairn inhaled deeply and a hungry groan that seemed to come from the bottom of his broad chest escaped him. Gripping her wrist, he brought her fingers to his lips and sucked them deep into his hot mouth.

Lauren moaned softly and felt her insides tighten at the blatantly erotic gesture. God, she was so hungry for his touch—needed him so damn badly. And from the way Xairn was sucking and lapping the honey from her fingers, he needed her every bit as much.

At last he released her hand. "Gods above, Lauren, you don't know what that does to me," he growled.

"Yes, I do," she murmured, smiling. "Would you like some more?" She showed him her well-cleaned fingers. "Or would you like to taste it right from the source?"

With a low groan, Xairn pushed her back on the bed and got between her thighs. "The source," he growled, ripping away her panties. "Gods, how I've longed for this—longed to taste your sweet, wet pussy again."

"Come on, then…" Lauren spread her thighs seductively. "Taste me, Xairn. Take what you need—what we both need."

He pressed his rough cheek against her sensitive pussy and then looked up. "But…the dreams. Don't you hate me?"

"Baby…" Lauren caressed his black hair gently. "I could never hate you. And I think these dreams have only been having such an effect on you because we've been apart. We need to bridge the gap—come together again so this nasty dream bitch—whoever she is, will leave you alone."

"I feel the same." He rubbed against her once more and then licked a long, hot trail up the center of her sensitive slit, making Lauren gasp. Then he looked up, his red-on-black eyes blazing with desire. "You are the one I want, Lauren. You and only you."

"Oh Xairn…" Her breath seemed to catch in her throat. "I feel the same way. I love you. And I need you—so much."

"I need you, too." He lapped at her again, driving his tongue deeper to slide across her overheated clit, making her moan and writhe under him. "Let's take what we need," he murmured hoarsely.

Lauren couldn't think of a better way to spend the night. "Yes…" She stroked his hair and spread her thighs even wider, welcoming him in. "Let's take what we need right now."

Chapter Thirty-five

“Well, here we are. What's the update?” Olivia got comfortable on the extra-large, Kindred-sized couch, her bowl of chili-lime-chocolate drizzled popcorn in her lap and looked at Lauren expectantly.

"You were right." Lauren smiled at her cousin as she settled beside her. "We just needed to talk—to get things out in the open. Once I cornered him and made him explain, everything worked itself out."

"I knew it!" Liv grinned. "See? You just have to make them spill. So what was his problem anyway?"

Lauren frowned. "Well, it's kind of strange. You see, Xairn told me he'd been having these weird—"

“Hi guys!”

They both looked up to see Sophie and Kat standing in the doorway. “Oh, hi.” Lauren smiled at them. “Come right in—make yourselves at home.”

“Hope you don’t mind we came in without knocking," Kat said. “But the door wasn’t locked and we’ve been looking for you and Liv everywhere.”

“What are you guys doing? Having a girl day without us?” Sophie asked, coming to sit on the arm of the sofa.

“Nope.” Liv smiled. “Just talking about pregnancy stuff.” She looked at her twin sister. “Speaking of which, when are you going to take another test?”

“Soon.” Sophie looked cautiously excited. “I’m already late—I just want to wait a little longer and be sure before I take the test.”

“I bet you’re pregnant, waaaay pregnant.” Olivia grinned excitedly. “You’ve probably got twins going on in there.” She pointed at her sister’s still-flat belly.

“Heaven forbid,” Kat said, making a face. “One huge Kindred baby is enough, don’t you think?”

“He is getting pretty big—especially now that I can feel him kicking all the time.” Liv rubbed her protruding belly protectively. “He’s an energetic little fella, I can tell you that!”

“I want to feel him kick!” Lauren exclaimed. “Can I?”

“Is he awake right now?” Sophie asked.

“Well—” Liv began.

“I don’t want to put a damper on the mood,” Kat interrupted. “But we actually came to tell you that Elise and Merrick are on their way home.”

“Oh, that’s right,” Sophie said. “They just called and Sylvan is getting the cryo chamber ready. He has to use it to treat the plant they got on Rageron before he uses it to dissolve their bond.”

“They’re going to be calling in again right before they go through the rift. If you want to talk to Elise, we have to hurry and get to the viewing room,” Kat said. “So come on, let’s go.”

“Absolutely. But I need somebody to help me up.” Olivia put out both arms and Sophie and Kat hauled her to her feet.

“Whew,” Kat complained. “What am I going to do when all three of you are preggers? There’s only one of me, you know.”

“You’ll manage,” Liv said sweetly. “And just think, you’ll have all of us waiting on you when you have your babies.”

“You’ll be waiting a while for that,” Kat said grimly. “Come on, we have to hurry, so waddle as fast as you can.”

“You!” Liv smacked her lightly on the shoulder, laughing. “You’ll pay for that later.”

“I’m sure I will.” Kat gave her a wry grin. “Let’s go.”

* * * * *

Sylvan was waiting in the viewing room when they all crowded in to stand in front of the huge silvery viewscreen that covered one entire wall. “Hello, Talana,” he murmured, drawing Sophie to him and kissing her gently on the cheek.

“Sylvan.” She blushed with pleasure and leaned against him, loving the feel of his warmth against her side. “Have they entered the fold yet? Are we too late?”

“Not yet.” He pointed at the view screen and made a motion. Suddenly it showed a vast expanse of black space with a huge red gash in the middle of it—the fold or rift generated by the Mother Ship which allowed the Kindred to fold space instantly from one spot in the universe to another. Hovering just outside the crimson wound in the blackness was a tiny ship. “We should have contact with them in a minute or so,” Sylvan said. “Luckily they didn’t have to spend as long flying out as they did flying in.” He frowned. “It’s a good thing, since they took longer to collect the skrillix than we originally planned.”

“What will happen once you dissolve their bond?” Sophie asked, looking up at her husband uncertainly. “Will it ruin any connection they have between them?”

Sylvan looked unhappy. “I’m afraid it will. And since Merrick is a hybrid, they probably won’t be able to form a new bond.”

“But that’s terrible,” Sophie burst out. “How awful to lose that connection—it’s so important.” She couldn’t imagine not having her link to Sylvan—it would be devastating if that bond with him was suddenly gone.

“I know, Talana. I can’t imagine it either,” Sylvan murmured, answering her thoughts as well as her words. “But if we leave the bond the way it is, both of them will die. It’s improperly placed—dangerous to both Merrick and Elise. Besides…” He sighed and ran a hand through his short blond hair. “I think they had decided to go their separate ways after this is over. Elise does have a fiancé back on Earth, you know, and apparently her joining ceremony is coming up very soon.”

“That’s one ceremony I won’t be attending,” said Elise’s voice from the viewscreen.

Sophie’s head jerked up and she realized that Merrick and Elise had appeared on the vast screen. “Oh, I’m so sorry,” she exclaimed. “We didn’t mean to be talking about you—we were just worried.”

“Don’t have to worry about us,” Merrick growled, his mismatched eyes glowing. “We’re going to stay together—bond or no bond.”

“Are you?” Olivia looked up at them, her eyes shining. “I knew it. I had a feeling about you two.”

Merrick snorted. “Coulda fooled me.”

“Now, Merrick, I know we’ve had our differences, but I was just being protective of my patient.” Olivia smiled at him. “But I couldn’t be happier to hear you two have worked it out.”

Merrick and Elise exchanged a glance and Sophie could see the silent communication going on between them. Her heart ached at the thought that they were soon to lose that intimacy.

“We’re happy too,” Elise said, smiling. “And not just because of the bond.” She looked at Sylvan. “I don’t believe all the feelings I have for Merrick are fake—they’re real. I’ve never felt anything realer.”

“I believe you,” Sylvan said gravely. “It sounds to me like the two of you have forged a connection that supersedes the improper bond you share. I think you’ll be just fine, even without it.”

Elise blinked and Sophie thought her eyes looked suspiciously bright. “Thank you, Doctor,” she said to Sylvan, her voice thick with emotion. “It…it means a lot to me to hear you say that.”

“Just come back to the Mother Ship,” Sylvan told her gently. “We’ll take good care of the both of you.”

“On our way.” Merrick did something to the controls of the ship and then looked up. “About to enter the fold right now.” Then he frowned and looked at Elise. “Hey, do you smell something funny?”

She lifted her face and sniffed the air. “No, I…wait—does it smell kind of sweet?”

“Exactly—sickly sweet. But I can’t tell…” Merrick yawned hugely. “Tell where it’s coming from.”

“Me…either.” Elise yawned too, her eyelids drooping. “I’m so tired.”

“I’m tired…too.” Merrick frowned. “What’s going on?”

“Something’s wrong!” Sylvan pushed closer to the viewscreen. “Merrick, Elise—what’s wrong with you?”

“Don’t…know.” Merrick’s deep voice was dragging now and Elise had put her head down on her arms and was breathing deeply.

“Listen to me,” Sylvan yelled at them. “Merrick, turn the ship around. You can’t go through the fold like that. Something is going on.”

“Doing…my best…” Merrick’s eyelids were drooping and his motions were sluggish. “Trying…” And then he and Elise vanished to be replaced by the shot of the small spaceship hovering just outside the red gash in space.

“Merrick, no!” Sylvan shouted. But even as they watched, the small ship accelerated into the fold…and disappeared.

“This isn’t right.” Sylvan looked upset and Sophie could feel his worry through their bond. “What happened to them?”

“It almost looked like they’d been drugged,” Olivia said, frowning.

“Exactly.” Sylvan shook his head. “Listen, Olivia, you and I had better go get things ready. They’ll be coming out our side of the fold in just a moment and we’ll need a detox kit on standby just in case.”

“Got it.” Liv was already on the move and Sophie couldn’t help thinking her twin could still be surprisingly quick when she had to be, despite her advanced state of pregnancy. But before Liv could even get out the door, Kat spoke.

“Wait,” she said flatly.

“Wait for what?” Sylvan demanded. “They may be ill or injured when they get here.”

“If they get here at all,” Kat said.

“She’s right,” Lauren put in, pointing at the viewscreen. “Look, it’s showing our part of space now. There’s the moon and the Earth.”

“But where is the ship?” Sophie looked up at Sylvan. “Shouldn’t it be here by now? Isn’t the transfer from one part of space to the other supposed to be instantaneous?”

He frowned and she felt his anxiety surge again. “Yes…yes it is,” he said in a low voice.

“So where are they?” Kat asked. “Could they be, I don’t know, lost? Lost in the fold somehow?”

“I hope not,” Sylvan said grimly. “If they are—if they have somehow gotten trapped between the space around Rageron and the space around Earth…”

“What? If they’re trapped, then what?” Liv demanded.

Sylvan ran a hand through his hair. “They are most likely dead.”

Chapter Thirty-six

Elise woke up because a thousand tiny hands were tickling her. She snorted surprised laughter and sat straight up—or tried to anyway. Thick black straps were holding her down. There was one across her waist and another across her lower legs. The same kind of straps were wrapped around her wrists and her hands appeared to be tied down to her sides.

Oh my God, I’m trapped!

The thought should have engendered a wave of panic but instead, the tiny tickling hands returned and Elise found herself laughing again. She twisted helplessly from side to side, as far as her restraints would allow, trying to get away from her invisible tormentor. It was useless—whoever or whatever was tickling her stayed with her, forcing her to giggle madly when she knew she ought to be scared out of her wits instead.

It was the exact same way Elise had felt the one and only time she’d allowed the dentist to give her nitrous oxide. He had assured her it would help her endure a very painful root canal, but to Elise, it had been a terribly unsettling experience. All through the drilling and filling she kept on laughing, despite the fact that she could still feel most of the pain. And the whole time she’d been thinking, I need to stop laughing—this isn’t funny at all. It hurts! But she had been completely unable to stop until the dentist had turned off the gas and released her from the chemically-induced spell.

Chemicals…a drug…the sweet smell in the ship right before everything went black…Had she and Merrick been drugged? And was she being drugged now? Laughing convulsively, she looked at her right arm, which was strapped by her side. Sure enough, some kind of IV tube was taped to the inner crook of her elbow. Through the clear tubing, Elise saw bright green liquid running into her arm. Was that what was causing her to laugh uncontrollably?

Even as she watched, the color of the liquid changed from bright green to deep blue. Suddenly, Elise was overwhelmed with sadness. Not just sadness, though—a sorrow so deep it engulfed her like a bottomless sea. Her crazy laughter turned instantly to sobbing.

Merrick, she thought, reaching out to him through their bond. Where are you? What’s happening to me? Who’s doing this?

For a moment she thought she felt him trying to respond…then, nothing. Was he being held somewhere, having his emotions chemically manipulated just as she was? Or was he dead, forever beyond her reach? That must be it, Elise thought, despair overtaking her as she sobbed helplessly. I thought I felt him, but it must have been my imagination. Just wishful thinking. He’s dead—gone forever and I’ll never, ever see him again.

She cried bitterly, tears running down her cheeks, her entire body wracked with sobs. God, nothing could be worse than this abject despair. Nothing…

The liquid coursing through the clear tubing into her vein changed again, turning a bright, fiery red. Instantly, Elise felt like her entire body was on fire. Every nerve ending in her skin was screaming that she was burning, crisping to ashes, her flesh melting, her blood boiling.

Elise screamed hoarsely, writhing helplessly against her bonds. God, the pain…the pain! On fire—help, I’m on fire! Put me out—PUT ME OUT!!!

The horrible pain seemed to last forever while she screamed herself hoarse. Then the liquid feeding into her arm turned a deep, soothing purple. As abruptly as the pain had started, it stopped. But it wasn’t as though someone had thrown a cooling bucket of water over her burning skin, easing the terrible pain—it was as though she’d never been in pain in the first place.

I’m numb now, she thought, feeling dazed. Can’t feel anything. Don’t want to feel anything. Just want to float. Don’t care…don’t care about…anything.

She realized hazily that her sudden apathy was due to the new drug, whatever it was, being pumped into her system but honestly, she couldn’t make herself care. At least she wasn’t in pain or sobbing her heart out or laughing hysterically. Being numb was better than any of those things. Being numb was good. Slowly, she let her eyelids drift closed, praying that the blessed surcease from emotion would last. Praying to stay numb.

* * * * *

“You see? I can make her feel anything I want—anything at all.” The bastard with the silver eyes, who called himself Draven, smirked at Merrick as they both stared through the transparent one-way thought/sound barrier that separated them from Elise.

“You sonofabitch!” Merrick snarled, straining at his bonds. He’d already broken through one set, and only six of the biggest, ugliest trolls he’d ever seen had kept him from ripping Draven’s head off.

They’d gotten smarter the second time around—he was chained with diamond-treated titanium—one of the strongest alloys in the universe. The tiny diamond chips impregnating the silvery gray metal cut him every time he tried to escape but Merrick didn’t care. He only knew he couldn’t stand to see the female he loved subjected to such horrors. Trickles of blood ran down his arms, pattering in droplets to the ground, but still he struggled, trying to break free and save her.

“Even if you got loose, there’s nowhere you could go—I have your ship.” Draven frowned. “Unfortunately, it’s not the one I was hoping for. Just a standard issue Kindred design with no special modifications whatsoever.”

Merrick frowned. “What the fuck do you care about what kind of ship I’m flying?”

“Because.” Draven gave him a charming grin. “I was told by a very reliable source that your ship—your original ship—has a very interesting ability. The ability to generate wormholes at will.”

Merrick went stiff in his bonds. “And why would a sick fuck like you be interested in that?”

“Why, precisely because I am, as you called me, as ‘sick fuck.’” Draven smiled and tapped Merrick on the chest. “However, since you don’t have your ship with you, I have no choice but to take out my disappointment on your lovely lady.” He pressed a button on the tiny silver remote he held in one hand and thick, dark grey liquid began pumping into Elise’s arm.

“No—no!” Merrick roared but Elise was already reacting.

She woke at once from her drug induced stupor and began to thrash and moan, her eyes going wide, searching the room around her as though she was looking for monsters. It was clear from the look on her face that she couldn’t see him through the one-way barrier. She thought she was alone—all alone with no one to protect her. The thought tore at Merrick’s heart.

“Fear,” Draven explained as Merrick cursed and threw himself against his bonds. “Terror, actually. Whatever she fears the most, the drug is plucking that image from her brain and making it a reality for her. It’s tormenting her with her own worst nightmares.”

“Stop! Why are you doing this? Fucking stop!” Merrick shouted. He tried to push feelings of comfort and reassurance through the bond to Elise but the transparent barrier between them kept the two of them from exchanging thoughts or emotions.

“I told you why,” Draven drawled. “I’m disappointed and I’m bored. It’s a bad combination—for me, anyway.” He lifted the silver remote again.

Merrick thought he would die if he had to watch Elise be hurt anymore.

“I can help you,” he shouted. “I can build it—recreate the wormhole generator.”

“Is that right?” Draven pushed a button and the gray liquid was replaced by purple. At once, Elise slumped in her bonds, the fear leaving her as quickly as it had come, to be replaced by blessed numbness. Merrick hoped so, anyway.

“Yes,” he said, praying the bastard would believe him. “Won’t take that long, either. It's based around a piece of alien tech I scavenged but I can recreate it—all I need are the right tools and equipment. But…” He glared at Draven. “You have to let her go first. Put her back in the ship and set it to autopilot out of here. Back to the fold, if it’s still open.”

“It is,” Draven nodded. “I think they’ll keep it open a little longer, hoping the two of you will find your way home. You know…” He grinned, an expression that made his silver eyes seem even emptier. “I took something of a risk, having you diverted from one destination to another while you were folding. I was quite aware that it might cost you your life. But, it was a chance I was willing to take.” He smiled brilliantly. “And now, just look at how well it’s all turned out! It seems we’ll both get what we want.”

“Yeah, fucking great,” Merrick growled. But inside he was a little less anxious. He wouldn’t allow himself the luxury of relief until he saw Elise put on the ship and the ship disappearing into the fold. But at least they were headed in the right direction.

“Of course…” Draven leaned toward Merrick. “I can’t promise that you will get out with your life. I can’t have the Kindred High Council finding out about my interest in wormholes.”

“You can kill me when I’m done—I don’t care,” Merrick said hoarsely. “Just let Elise go. She doesn’t know anything about you—she’s no threat.”

Draven put a hand to his chest. “Ah, such love…such sacrifice. If only I still had my soul, I would swoon, I’m quite certain.” He frowned at Merrick. “Then again, how can I be certain your offer is good? How do I know you’ll do as I ask, after I let her go?”

“You have my word as a Kindred,” Merrick said, lifting his chin. “Just let her go and I swear you’ll have your generator in two solar days time.”

“Your word as a Kindred, eh?” Draven raised one perfectly shaped eyebrow. “That’s quite an offer—especially since you don’t know how long a solar day is, here on my lovely home planet.”

“I know where we are and who you are,” Merrick said evenly. “I may not have made the best marks at learning house, but I remember my First Kindred history. We're on Hrakis and you’re the same bastard who tried to wipe them out a thousand cycles ago. Guess they didn’t quite manage to kill you off, after all.”

“Not quite.” Draven’s silver eyes glittered. “Very well, since you’re so knowledgeable, I’ll take you up on your offer. I will release your lovely lady and send her back into the fold. I’ll even let you say goodbye to her. Mind, though—” He raised one finger in the air. “No communication through that tricky little Kindred bond of yours. I may not be able to catch the exact message you’re trying to convey, but I can hear you sending it. If you send so much as an I love you through, our little deal is off and I’ll torture her to death.”

Merrick felt cold. The bond—what were they going to do about the bond? “I won’t say a fucking thing,” he promised.

“Very well, see that you don’t break your word. I can’t abide anyone who lies to me. Lying is such bad manners, and manners are important, don’t you think?” Without waiting for an answer, he pointed the silver remote again and two things happened at once. First, the transparent shield separating them and Elise came down with a low humming sound. Second, the drugs flowing into her arm changed from purple to clear. Slowly, Elise lifted her head and blinked her eyes.

“Merrick?” she murmured, looking at him.

“It’s me, baby,” he assured her in what he hoped was a soothing voice. “Don’t try to talk through the bond.”

“Why not? Who is that?” She peered groggily at Draven. “Where are we?”

“The less you know, the better,” Merrick told her grimly. “The only thing that’s important right now is that you’re going home.”

“Me? What about you? Why are you bleeding?” Her eyes were wide and frightened. “Please, Merrick, please tell me you’re coming with me.”

“I’m afraid I can’t do that, baby,” he said roughly. “There’s only one ticket out of here, and it’s got your name on it.” He looked at Draven. “There’s one more thing—we had a plant with us, a branch with long thorns and red berries.”

“Oh, you mean this?” Seemingly from out of thin air, Draven produced the wilted skrillix branch. “I wondered why you had it. After all, what would a happily bonded couple want with a branch of the infamous ‘pain vine?’”

“It’s to break our bond,” Elise said quietly. “It’s not right and it’s dangerous to us.”

“But you have to send it back to the Mother Ship with Elise,” Merrick added quickly. “I’m pretty sure they can break the bond even without me there, but she has to have the skrillix to do it with.”

“So you want to break your sacred Kindred bond? How very refreshing.” Draven grinned broadly at both of them. “But you don’t need to travel back to your Mother Ship to do that! I can manage it for you right here.”

“No, Draven, you can’t,” Merrick said flatly. “A soul bond is a very delicate thing.”

“You wound me.” Draven put one perfectly manicured hand to his chest. “Do you mean to say you think me indelicate? My dear hybrid, I’m quite offended by such an implication.”

“Merrick wasn’t trying to be rude,” Elise said quickly. “It’s just that the skrillix branch has to be put in the same stasis machine I was in originally, when Merrick found me, in order for it to work.”

“Oh, no, no, my dear,” Draven protested. “That’s only necessary if you want to break the bond painlessly. But we don’t care about that silliness, now do we?”

“Yes, we fucking well do care,” Merrick growled, but Draven had already called over a pair of tiny imps with dirty gray skin and was rapidly giving them instructions. They ran off as a pair and returned moments later with a cup filled with oily black liquid and a syringe.

“Now, then,” Draven continued, placing the implements along with the wilted skrillix branch down on a nearby table. “Let’s proceed, shall we?” Rapidly, he stripped the branch of its berries and squeezed them into a pulp, letting their blood-red juice run into the black liquid in the cup.

Merrick ground his teeth together. After everything they’d gone through to get those damn berries, and here this bastard was, ruining them all! He opened his mouth to protest again, but Draven was picking up the skrillix branch once more.

“Lovely long thorns, aren’t they, my dear?” He gestured with the plant to Elise who grew pale and shrank back against the steel table she was strapped to.

“Please,” she whispered. “Please, no…”

“Ah, I see you have some experience with the more, shall we say, interesting aspects of the skrillix,” Draven smiled languidly. “I would simply love to hear all about it, but unfortunately if we don’t get you and your little ship pointed toward the rift soon, the Kindred will close it. And then where will you be?” He lifted the branch again. “But fear not, my dear, these thorns aren’t for you—not this time. They are for me.” Pricking his finger, he let seven dark red drops fall into the cup. “I have no soul, you see,” he continued, swirling the contents of the cup to mix them. “So my blood will act quite nicely as a solvent for your bond.”

“You’re crazy,” Merrick said hoarsely. “You don’t know what the poison in those thorns can do to you.”

“Oh yes, I do.” Draven pricked his finger again, seemingly just for fun this time. “I’m touched at your concern, but please don’t be worried for me—I’m immune to the effects.”

He offered the cup to Elise, but she shook her head. “No. I don’t want your blood inside me.”

“Oh no?” Draven raised an eyebrow at her. “Well, well…how hurtful. Especially when you consider there are much more painful parts of myself I could put inside you, my dear.”

“You fucking lay one finger on her and I’ll kill you,” Merrick growled.

“Don’t worry.” Draven waved airily. “We don’t have time for pleasantries like nonconsensual sex any more than I have time to find out why your lady love so fears the skrillix’s sweet kiss.” He looked at Elise. “We have a fold to catch before it unfolds, my dear. And since you won’t be persuaded to take my little mixture by mouth…”

Plunging the syringe into the black, oily contents of the cup, he pulled up the plunger, filling it with the viscous stuff. Then, despite Merrick’s hoarse shouts for him to stop, he connected it to the tubing running into Elise’s arm, and injected her with the awful looking mixture.

Chapter Thirty-seven

Elise was dying. Someone had taken a knife and was cutting her in two—just like that old magic trick where the magician pretends to saw his lovely assistant in half. Only this was no trick—Elise could literally feel a part of herself being severed. She supposed hazily that it must be her soul, but it hurt as much as though some crazy doctor had decided to amputate one of her hands without any kind of anesthesia.

Oh God, the pain! The pain! She threw back her head and cried out, only dimly aware that to her left, Merrick was doing the same. Had the man with silver eyes—the same man who had been in her dream—injected him too? Or was he simply experiencing the same effects as Elise because they were so closely tied together?

But we won’t be for long, she thought, even as she writhed in agony. I’m losing him—losing Merrick forever. And losing any hope of having a life with him in the future.

The thought of being forever separated from the man she loved was almost more painful than the intense agony of the bond being broken. Hot tears ran down her cheeks and Elise couldn’t stop them—didn’t try to stop them. She was mourning a loss too great to be calculated. She was losing a part of herself she would never recover—the part that had belonged to Merrick.

It seemed to go on and on forever, but at last the horrible cutting sensation ended, to be replaced by a throbbing numbness. The amputation was over.

Elise slumped on the steel table, going limp in her bonds. Her heart felt like an empty socket, a ragged hole in her chest that would never heal.

“Elise? Baby?” she heard Merrick murmur and she realized he must have been trying to get her attention for some time.

“Merrick,” she whispered, blinking tears from her eyes so she could see him. I can see him, but I can’t feel him, she realized, with a growing sense of despair. I can’t feel his emotions anymore. “Merrick,” she said again. “I can’t…can’t feel you. You’re gone.”

“I’m right here.” He was trying to sound reassuring but Elise couldn’t help it—she wasn’t reassured.

“But you’re not in here anymore. Not in me,” she whispered back as fresh tears filled her eyes.

“The bond is dissolved,” he said harshly. “But I still love you. I’ll always love you, baby—hold on to that, even when I’m gone.”

“I’ll try.” Elise choked back a sob. “I knew…knew it wasn’t just the bond. I knew what I felt, what we both felt—”

“Blah, blah, blah. True love conquers all, etcetera, etcetera.” Draven yawned, as though the whole thing bored him. “You’re welcome, by the way. Your unwanted bond is completely gone, so now you can go your separate ways in peace instead of pieces. Which you’re about to do right…now.” He snapped his fingers and a pair of imps came at once to let Elise out of her restraints.

“Wait!” she cried as they pulled her off the table and began pushing her out of the room. “Wait, I need to say goodbye!”

“No time.” Draven shook his head. “Not if you want to get to the rift before it closes.” He motioned to the imps. “Take her back to her ship, strap her in, and set the coordinates for the Kindred Mother Ship. Hurry, now!”

The imps started to drag her away but Elise twisted in their grip and somehow managed to break free. Running back, she threw her arms around Merrick’s neck. “I love you,” she whispered and pulled back to look into his lovely, mismatched eyes. “I won’t leave you. I can’t.”

“You have to.” Merrick frowned at her fiercely. “Don’t you understand? I have to stay here so you can live, Elise.” His voice softened. “Go on, baby. Don’t let my sacrifice be in vain.”

“Merrick…Merrick,” she sobbed as the imps and one of the larger creatures that looked like some kind of monster out of a Tolkien nightmare dragged her off him. “Please…please!”

“Take her away!” Draven clapped his hands sharply. He frowned at Elise. “And just so you know, your lover will pay for that little scene. Pay over and over before I finally kill him.” He made a face. “I dislike sentiment. It’s so messy.”

“No!” she screamed but they were already dragging her out the door. The last thing she saw was Draven, looming over Merrick, speaking horrible sounding words that somehow opened wounds and lacerations in his broad, bare chest.

Just like my dream, she thought frantically as Merrick's blood dripped onto the metal floor. Oh God, it’s just like my dream!

And then the imps dragged her away and she could see no more.

* * * * *

“I’m sorry, Talana, but they’re going to have to close the fold.” Sylvan’s pale blue eyes were suspiciously bright and Sophie could feel the overwhelming sorrow brimming up inside him. This was about more than just closing the fold in space—Sylvan was admitting that he had lost his oldest friend. That Merrick was gone forever.

“Can’t they wait a little longer?” she pleaded. “Didn’t you say that sometimes ships get a little turned around in the fold and then come out later?”

“It’s been over an hour now.” Sylvan sighed and raked a hand through his spiky blond hair. “With each minute that passes, the odds they will return diminish. And the amount of energy the ship is expending just to keep the fold open is equivalent to the output of a super massive black hole. We simply can’t keep it up indefinitely.”

“Just five more minutes,” Olivia pleaded, joining in the conversation. Elise had been her patient, and Sophie knew her twin felt a special bond with her. “Please, Sylvan!”

“I’m sorry.” He shook his head regretfully and Sophie felt his grief grow even more intense. “I’m so sorry, but the ship can’t bear much more. We’ll have to shut the fold. We have to—”

“Look!” Kat’s voice was high and excited. “Look, you guys! Look at the viewscreen!”

All eyes turned up to the massive viewscreen, which showed the red gash in space located right between the Earth and the moon. Something was coming out of it.

Slowly but surely a tiny silver craft slipped from the fold and hovered in space, as though uncertain of what to do next.

“It’s them!” Kat shouted. “It has to be!”

“Thank God!” Lauren murmured, putting a hand to her chest.

“Merrick!” Sylvan shouted, grinning with relief. “Thank the Goddess—Merrick!”

Suddenly the picture on the viewscreen flickered and changed to an interior shot of the ship. Sophie saw with concern that only Elise was sitting there at the controls. When she looked up, her brown eyes were dull with grief.

“I’m sorry,” she said, her voice sounding numb and far away. “But it’s just me. Merrick is…gone. He’s gone.”

“Gone? Gone, where?” Sylvan demanded.

“Just gone.” Elise still sounded numb. “Can someone please help me? I don’t…don’t know how to fly this thing.” Suddenly her face crumpled and she put her head down and began to sob.

“Oh, no!” Sophie looked at her husband. “You’d better go to her, Sylvan—she’s stuck out there.”

“Yes, I suppose I should,” Sylvan said grimly. He looked at Olivia. “Get a room ready for her at the med station. I think she’s in some kind of shock.”

“I’m on it,” Liv assured him. She and Sylvan hustled out the door, leaving Sophie, Kat, and Lauren to stand looking at each other helplessly. Sophie’s heart ached for Elise and those words kept echoing in her head over and over…

He’s gone.

Chapter Thirty-eight

Elise woke with a gasp from another bad dream. She’d been having them every night since she got back to the Mother Ship, and they all featured Merrick.

Sometimes she saw him being tortured by the horrible silver-eyed man who had kidnapped them. That…that… What was his name? It started with a D, Elise was almost sure, but she couldn’t remember it. The vault might be broken, but it seemed like her mind was still trying to protect her by forgetting things.

Other times, she saw Merrick working feverishly, welding together pieces of metal and building some kind of device that looked like part of an engine. What was it? Whatever it was, Merrick was desperate to get it finished. He worked tirelessly, arming sweat from his forehead and never stopping to rest. The only time he paused at all was when he turned his attention to another, smaller device. It was tiny—small enough to fit in the palm of his hand—and so delicate Elise wondered if it was some kind of clock mechanism.

The dream she’d just woken up from had been the worst. In it, she saw Merrick lying on his back, covered in blood. He was surrounded by rubble and wreckage as though some kind of explosion had gone off. All around him were the dirty gray bodies of imps and the Tolkien-esque troll creatures. It was clear they were dead and it looked like Merrick was dead too—dead or dying. As she watched, she saw him gasp for breath and his lips moved, forming her name. Then his eyes fluttered shut and his chest rose no more.

Elise wrapped her arms around herself, trying to stop the shaking. Merrick, she thought as the tears leaked from her eyes. Oh, Merrick… She missed him so badly she couldn’t even express it in words. Losing him hurt…hurt so much she didn’t know how to stand it. Didn’t know what to do except curl up in a ball and die…

“Hey, can’t sleep?” Olivia poked her head in the door of her room and gave Elise a worried look. Elise had been put in the med center when she returned to the Mother Ship and three days later, she was still here for “observation.” Which was a nice way of saying suicide watch, she was pretty sure.

“Not very well,” she admitted but she didn’t say why. She never told anyone about the dreams—she didn’t want to make them more worried about her than they already were.

“Want me to give you a sedative?” Liv asked.

“No, thanks.” Elise ran a shaky hand through her hair and looked at the bedside clock. “It’s almost time to get up, anyway.”

“Yeah, I know. Some people are already up and around.” Olivia came to sit on the side of her bed. “If you know what I mean.”

Elise groaned. “Did he call again?”

“I’m afraid so.” Olivia shook her head sympathetically. “He was on the viewscreen early this morning, demanding that I go get you to talk.” She ran a hand through her hair. “I told him you’d been sedated and I couldn’t disturb you, but I’m afraid I can’t put your fiancé off much longer, Elise. He’s threatening to come up here and get you if you won’t at least talk to him.”

“Crap.” Elise put her face in her hands. She didn’t want to deal with James right now, but it was becoming clear that sooner or later, she was going to have to come out of her shell of isolation and do exactly that.

“I know you’re miserable over Merrick, hon.” Olivia rubbed her back soothingly. “And I totally don’t blame you—once you let a Kindred into your heart, every other man in the universe just pales by comparison. But—and please don’t think I’m siding with the enemy here—”

“But James is my fiancé, the wedding is this week and I still haven’t told him it’s off,” Elise finished for her dully. “I know, Olivia. I know I’m wrong to keep him hanging on so long. It’s just…I feel like if I go back to Earth and go back to my normal life, it’ll be like admitting to myself that Merrick is really g-gone. G-gone for…for g-good.” The tears started again and she blotted them hastily on a corner of the sheet. “S-sorry. I don’t mean to be so emotional.”

“Don’t apologize.” Liv gave her a hug. “What you’ve been through—what you’re going through—you deserve to cry all you want. You won’t get any arguments from me about that.”

Elise hugged her back tightly. “You know, you’re hands down the best and nicest nurse I’ve ever had.”

“I want to be more than your nurse.” Liv pulled back and looked at her seriously. “I want to be your friend. Listen, Elise, I know it might sound crazy to you right now, but I think you should consider coming up to live on the Mother Ship.”

“Live here?” Elise frowned. “I was going to live with Merrick—or he was going to live down on Earth with me. We hadn’t really decided but now, well, I don’t know. My career…”

“You can practice up here,” Liv hastened to assure her. “The Kindred mostly go through mediation to settle their problems but you could train as a mediator. I mean, if I can get the hang of Kindred medicine, I know you could get the hang of Kindred law.”

“I don’t know…” Elise said doubtfully. “I mean…why?”

“Because you need something you don’t have on Earth—a support system. I know you don’t talk to your family and I’m guessing you don’t have a lot of close friends either.”

Elise frowned. “What makes you say that?”

“Because, well…no one came forward and reported you missing when the AllFather snatched you.” Olivia patted her hand. “Please don’t be mad, I’m just saying if you were on the Mother Ship, we could all be here for you. Sophie and Kat and Lauren and I—we all want to stand beside you during this difficult time.”

Elise sighed. “I’m not mad. And you’re right—I don’t have any close friends. I tend to keep people at a distance because of, well, because of some things that happened in my past.” She blotted her eyes again. “In fact, Merrick is—was—the first person to get through that…that barrier I’d put up around myself. He made me feel again, forced me to think about things I didn’t want to think about. He…” She shook her head and Olivia rubbed her back some more.

“It’s okay. Get it out if you need to.”

“No.” Elise sniffed and sat up straighter. “No, I have to stop wallowing in misery. It’s time to go back to Earth and straighten things out with James. After that…”

“You’ll give notice at your work and come back up here. Right?” Liv looked at her hopefully.

Elise managed a small laugh. “You’re certain the Kindred Council would let me? I mean, without…without Merrick?”

“I’ll have Sylvan speak on your behalf,” Olivia said firmly. “And my husband, Baird, too. They have friends on the Council—you won’t be denied.”

Elise sighed. “All right, I promise I’ll think about it. But right now, first things first.” She forced herself to get up on shaky legs and shrugged into her robe, wrapping it tightly around her. “Um, can I borrow some clothes? I can’t go back to Earth looking like this.”

“Sure thing.” Liv hoisted herself off the bed. “Ugh, I’d get you something of mine, if we wore the same size. It’s not like I’ll be wearing anything cute for the foreseeable future.”

“I think you look beautiful—glowing.” Elise smiled at her. “Have you thought of a name yet?”

“Nothing Baird and I can both agree on.” Olivia hooked her arm through Elise’s. “Come on, let’s find you something nice to wear. Would you like me to go down with you for moral support when you talk to James?”

“You really are a good friend.” Elise smiled and squeezed her arm, touched at the offer. “But no, this is something I have to do on my own.”

The way I’m going to have to live on my own the rest of my life, she thought but didn’t say. She could break down and cry some more later. Right now she had business to attend to and the sooner she got it done, the sooner she could come back to the Mother Ship.

* * * * *

“This had better work, hybrid.” Draven gave him a threatening look as they stood together on the bridge of the prototype wormhole ship. It was made of some new material—semi-sentient plasma-steel or something like that. Draven had been bragging about it ceaselessly, talking about how the ship itself could handle most of the steering and how it had uncharted capacity for self-healing.

Merrick didn’t buy the self-healing bullshit but he supposed having a ship that could steer itself would make Draven’s army more effective—especially considering most of them were dumber than dirt. His troll soldiers were strong and loyal but they weren’t big in the thinking department. Having a ship that could chart its own course and deposit them on whatever unlucky planet Draven wanted to invade would be a real plus.

Of course, all that was assuming the wormhole generator he’d cobbled together worked.

Merrick was pretty sure it would—but it wasn’t going to be taking Draven and his monstrous army anywhere. The tiny but lethal bomb he had in his pocket would see to that.

It had been difficult to find the time to build the delicate little device, but Merrick had done it anyway, taking time from the wormhole generator despite the pain words Draven spat at him when he felt he was falling behind schedule. He’d been very careful to work on it only when his guards were all trolls. The imps weren’t super smart but they were clever enough to spot something wrong if he gave them half a chance. He’d hidden the bomb in the fuselage when he wasn’t working on it, and now he had it in his pocket, ready to detonate when the time was right.

“It’ll work, all right,” he growled at Draven, who was still staring at him. Behind him were half a legion of trolls—apparently Draven didn’t trust him. Go fucking figure.

“If it doesn’t, I’ll have you skinned alive.” Draven gave him that charming, empty smile that never quite reached his solid silver eyes. “Slowly.”

“And if it does work, you’ll do me the favor of killing me quickly. Yeah, I got it.”

Actually, Merrick already had the quick death thing covered. He didn’t expect to survive the blast once he activated the bomb. Even if he wasn’t initially torn to shreds, the explosion would blow a huge hole in the space ship, sucking out all the air and letting in the freezing vacuum of space. That was the reason he’d decided against detonating the bomb while they were still on the planet's surface. If he survived the blast, Draven would be able to get away on the ground. But once they were out in space, no escape would be possible. Merrick was fine with dying himself as long as he took the silver-eyed bastard out with him.

Or I would be fine, if it wasn’t for Elise. Gods, baby, miss you so much…

Firmly, he dragged his mind back to the business at hand—making a jump with the homemade wormhole generator and proving to Draven the machine actually worked. Then, once they were far from the bastard’s home planet—much too far to call for help—Merrick would flip the detonation switch and blow them all straight to the seven hells.

“This will do,” he heard Draven say as he looked at the instrument panel. “Let’s test it out and make a jump.”

“Fine. Where do you want to go?” Merrick asked.

Draven gave him a slow, cruel smile. “Let’s make things interesting, shall we? Why not jump to your lover’s solar system? Far enough out not to alert the Mother Ship, of course. But close enough that you can see her home planet.”

Sadistic fucker! Merrick scowled at the controls. “Fine. I’ll put in the coordinates.”

“See that you don’t alert your fellow Kindred, hybrid,” Draven said. “This is a private party and they’re not invited. If you bring them into this, you’ll be dead long before they can reach you.” He smiled. “But not long enough for your death to be anything but excruciatingly painful, I assure you.”

“I believe you,” Merrick growled. “Don’t worry, Draven—this is between you and me.”

Draven frowned. “Whatever do you mean by that?”

Merrick didn’t answer, just finished inputting the coordinates for an orbit around Mars, the small red planet that was Earth’s neighbor, and then stood back. “There you go, boss. All ready to jump—just push the button.” He indicated the red button blinking in the control panel.

Draven shook his head. “I think not. You do the honors for me, won’t you?”

Merrick was surprised. He’d been certain Draven would want to test the generator himself the first time. Good thing I didn’t hook the bomb to the button, he thought, fingering the tiny device in his pocket. “Fine,” he said, shrugging. “I’ll do it. You might want to hold on to something.”

Draven nodded but simply folded his arms, not taking Merrick’s advice. With another shrug, Merrick pressed the jump button and watched as space melted around them, folding in on itself in a bloody red blur as the ship generated a wormhole and then accelerated into it.

Chapter Thirty-nine

“Darling! It’s so good to see you!” James enfolded her in an embrace the moment she stepped out of the HKR building.

“It’s good to see you, too, James.” Even to her own ears, her voice sounded stilted and false but her fiancé didn’t appear to notice a thing.

“I was getting a little worried that you might miss the wedding, but here you are after all!” He pulled back and studied her critically. “A little worse for the wear, perhaps, but a little make-up will fix that, I’m sure.”

“I’m sure,” Elise echoed numbly. Her fiancé’s handsome face, once so familiar and welcome, looked foreign to her now. His skin was too smooth, his features too perfect. He needs a scar or two, she found herself thinking. Just like Merrick…

The thought sent a wave of sorrow washing over her and she nearly started crying right there on the front steps of the HKR building. Only by sternly reigning in her emotions did she keep from breaking down. I can cry later, she reminded herself. Right now I have to get through this. I have to tell James the wedding is off.

But James didn’t give her a chance. “Come on, the car’s waiting,” he said, pulling her down the steps. “And I have a little surprise for you back home I think you’ll like.”

“A surprise?” Elise frowned. “Look, James, I really appreciate your thoughtfulness but I don’t think—”

“You’re going to love it.” He grinned as he all but pushed her into the car. “It’s the perfect wedding present.”

“About that, James,” Elise began, but he was too busy giving the driver directions to listen to her. She heard him mention his home address on Bayshore and realized that whatever the surprise was, it was far from her own little apartment—which was where she longed to be.

“So now,” He leaned back at last and patted her hand. “I’m guessing you had lots of lovely adventures while you were gone.”

“You could say that,” Elise said flatly.

“And yet you came back all in one piece.” James grinned. “I admit I was skeptical at first, but I suppose that huge, scarred fellow you went off with was as good as his word.” He frowned. “What was his name again?”

“Merrick.” Elise choked back a sob. “His n-name was M-merrick.” She buried her face in her hands, trying to get control of herself. I won’t cry, she thought. I won’t. I won’t. I have to stay in control of myself. I can’t lose it in front of James.

After a long, awkward silence, James cleared his throat. “Darling,” he said tentatively. “Are you quite all right?”

“Yes.” Elise made herself take a deep breath. “Yes, but James, I have to tell you—”

“Good, then—here we are,” he interrupted her.

Elise frowned. She’d forgotten it was only a hop, skip, and a jump from downtown to the privileged area of

Bayshore Boulevard. The long street, lined with opulent mansions and ultra luxury condos, was where everyone who was anyone in Tampa called home. Before she knew it, the car was pulling into the winding driveway that led to James’ sprawling estate and Georgian style manor house.

Looking around, she noticed that there were several cars parked in the semi-circular driveway, lined with magnolia trees. Was James expecting guests? She really wasn’t in the mood to play the gracious hostess at the moment. Although if her future mother-in-law was one of the attendees, Elise probably wouldn’t have to worry about it. James’ mother loved being the center of any social gathering—which was something Elise detested.

“James,” she said as he helped her out of the car. “Who all is here? I see some cars I don’t recognize.”

“That’s the surprise.” He was practically rubbing his hands in glee. “Wait until you see, darling!”

“James,” she began as he grabbed her hand and started pulling her up the white marble steps. “If this is some kind of a wedding shower, I need to tell you that—”

“No, no, nothing like that. Just a little informal get together to welcome you home.” He opened the huge front door and stuck his head into the interior of the mansion. “I’m home, everyone. And you won’t believe who I have with me!”

Feeling miserable, Elise plastered a sickly grin across her face. Now she would have to pretend to be happy to see whoever it was James had invited over and try to be social until she could pull him away into some dark corner and break the news that their wedding was off. Why did James always do things like this? Why didn’t he ever listen when she tried to talk?

Merrick listened, whispered a little voice in her head. He listened with his whole heart. And he asked the hard questions—the ones James is so willing to gloss over and ignore. He—

Her thoughts stuttered to a stop when she saw who was standing in the doorway, waiting to greet her. There was James’ mother, of course—looking very prim and proper and his father as well, wearing a suite that practically screamed “old money.” But standing beside James’ parents was her own mother, whom Elise hadn’t seen for over ten years.

And beside her mother was Charles—her stepfather.

* * * * *

A trip through the fold was never pleasant but this one went relatively smoothly. The prototype ship came out on the far side of Mars, with Earth just a tiny blue speck in the distance.

“A little closer, I think,” Draven drawled. “Let’s get a really good look at that wretched little ball of rock. After all, this will be the last time you ever see it.”

“That may be true,” Merrick said neutrally, pulling past Mars and nudging the ship closer to Earth. “But it’s also going to be the last time you see it. Or anything for that matter.”

Draven frowned. “Whatever are you talking about, half-breed?”

“You heard me. I gave you my word as a Kindred that I’d build you a working wormhole generator. I never said you’d get to keep it.” Turning to the smug, silver-eyed bastard, Merrick pulled the tiny bomb out of his pocket and flipped the detonation countdown switch.

“What are you—?” Draven began.

“Catch,” Merrick said and threw the bomb directly at him.

But to his surprise, the bomb passed right through Draven’s abdomen to land in the hands of the troll captain standing behind him. The troll made a noise that sounded like, “Hurgh?” and bent to examine his ticking prize. The other trolls around him did the same, crowding close to see what he was holding.

What the fuck? Merrick thought. A hologram? But the best fucking one I’ve ever seen. I never would have guessed—

“No, you fools!” Draven was shouting at the trolls. “Throw it aw—”

And then the ticking stopped and a high-pitched whistling began. A moment later there was a deafening explosion. Troll guts and blood splattered everywhere in a blackish-red mess. Draven disappeared and then everything and everyone aboard was being sucked out the hole that had suddenly appeared in the side of the ship.

“Fuck!” Merrick bellowed and his voice was sucked away immediately as the ship bled its atmosphere into the cold dark of space. He hadn’t minded dying as long as he could take his tormentor with him, but Draven was gone. And Merrick was going to die without ever seeing Elise again. Die for nothing. For—

Something heavy knocked him in the head and he fell down, dazed. The last thing he saw was a huge conglomeration of dead troll parts clogging up the hole from the bomb.

Then everything was blackness.

Chapter Forty

“Come on now, darling—you’re embarrassing me,” James hissed under his breath as he tried to drag Elise back to the center of the large living area where everyone else was having drinks and making polite small talk.

“Oh, I’m embarrassing you? What a shame!” she hissed back, staying stubbornly in the corner she’d picked out as a safe spot. “Did it ever occur to you, James, that I had good reason not to speak to my mother and stepfather for over ten years? Did you even stop to think at all when you invited them to come here?”

James’ voice rose in exasperation. “I assumed it was because—” He stopped abruptly—the conversation in the room had fallen silent. “Excuse us, please,” he said, smiling ingratiatingly. “Elise isn’t feeling very well at the moment. We’re going to go get her something cool to drink and see if we can’t perk her up a bit.”

“I don’t want a drink,” Elise protested as he pulled her through the living area and dining room and into the huge kitchen with its central island and copper pots hanging from the walls. “I want to leave. I want to get out of here now, James.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” he fumed, dropping her arm at last and going to make sure the door was securely shut. “You’re not going anywhere. What you are going to do is march right back to the living room, get a drink, and act like a normal adult instead of a rude, misbehaving child.”

“A child?” Elise couldn’t believe her ears. Couldn’t believe that James was dictating to her this way. Or that he had gone and invited her own personal nightmare to an impromptu pre-wedding party.

“Yes, a child,” James ground out, glaring at her. “I know all about your childish spat with Charles—how he accidentally ran over your precious dog and you never would forgive him. But honestly, Elise, ten years is enough. Don’t you think it’s time to let bygones be bygones?”

Buck crushed under those huge, ugly wheels…Charles laughing as he dragged me across the lawn…pushing me down…hurting me…

The memories came back in a flood, just as she had always known they would once the vault was broken. But instead of running away from the horror or trying to bury it again, Elise somehow found the strength to face it. What happened is part of me, she thought, feeling sick but certain. Merrick knew about it and he loved me anyway. It doesn’t make me less, doesn’t make me a bad person.

“James,” she said, looking her fiancé right in the eye. “I’m not a virgin.”

“What?” He frowned, clearly at a loss. “What are you talking about? I had your background checked—thoroughly checked—before I proposed. Unless you and that big ugly Kindred—”

“Don’t talk that way about Merrick,” Elise snapped. “And anyway, he isn’t the reason I’m not a virgin. Charles is.”

“What?” James looked at her blankly. “Are you trying to tell me you had an affair with your own stepfather?”

“No, James,” she said evenly. “I’m trying to tell you he raped me. Repeatedly. That was why when I left home for college I never went back. It’s the reason I cut my own mother out of my life—because she wouldn’t believe me.”

“Well, I mean…” James cleared his throat. “You have to admit, darling, it is a rather a lot to swallow.”

Elise couldn’t believe her ears. “What? Are you seriously saying you don’t believe me either? You think I’d lie about something like that?”

“Not lie, exactly.” James shifted uncomfortably. “But, well, Charles has told me all about what am imaginative child you were. Don’t you think it’s possible that you were so upset about your dog that you might have, I don’t know, made something up in your head to explain why you were feeling so badly?”

“Made something up in my head?” Elise’s disbelief was quickly turning to rage, but she made an effort to keep her temper and speak calmly. “You and Charles seem to be awfully close all of a sudden,” she said evenly. “Care to tell me why he’s been sharing so much personal information with you?”

“Well, honestly, we’ve been in touch for some time—I researched his company back when I was doing my background check on you, darling. I contacted him and we ended up really hitting it off, as you say.” James spoke as though it was no big deal for him to have a hidden friendship with her horrible stepfather.

“Is that right?” Elise’s voice came out rather strangled now but James didn’t seem to notice.

“Yes, that’s right.” He nodded. “I wanted to know more about you before I made any sort of commitment and Charles was kind enough to share information with me. He told me there had been some bad blood between the two of you and how badly he wanted to be part of your life again.”

“Part of my life?” Elise shivered, overcome with revulsion at the thought of having any kind of relationship with Charles but James didn’t notice.

“Of course,” he went on. “Charles feels awful about your dog—the poor man has never forgiven himself, really. He’s especially keen to get to know you as an adult and he thought it might be possible now that you’ve ‘grown out of your awkward adolescence and blossomed into such a lovely young lady,’ as he puts it.”

“Blossomed? What the hell are you talking about? How would Charles know what I look like before seeing me again today?” Elise demanded. The short hairs at the nape of her neck prickled with apprehension. Had James actually been spying on her for her stepfather? Please God, no…

“Why, because I’ve been sending him pictures of you—at his request, of course.” James beamed as though he’d done her a favor. “Just little candid day to day shots, you know, the ones I take on my phone. He loves them—says they make him feel ever so much closer to you.”

Elise’s stomach rolled and she thought for a moment that she might throw up. She pushed down the urge with difficulty. “And that didn’t seem at all creepy to you?” she demanded. “That my stepfather, who I haven’t spoken to in over ten years, would ask you to send him pictures of me?”

“Darling, please!” James laughed. “You act like he’s obsessed with you or something, when the truth is, he just wants to reconnect.”

“I don’t think so,” Elise snapped. “Look, James, I’ve heard enough. I wanted to find a nice way to say this, but I don’t know how, so I’ll just say it—the wedding is off.”

“What?” He looked genuinely startled. “What do you mean?”

“Exactly what I said.” Elise ran a hand through her hair. “I’m sorry, but I just don’t feel the same way about you. Especially after hearing what’s been going on between you and Charles behind my back.”

“Behind your back? Darling, I’ve been trying to repair the rift in your family.” James looked at her reproachfully. “If anything, I’d think you would be grateful.”

Elise raised an eyebrow at him. “Grateful that you’ve been spying on me and sending pictures of me to the man who raped me? Seriously, James?”

He glared at her. “Will you please stop making such ugly accusations?”

“They may be ugly, but they’re true.” Elise lifted her chin. “I ran away from the truth for a long time. While I was gone, though, Merrick helped me face it. I’m not going to run any more and I’m certainly not going to pretend it never happened just to please you.”

His face darkened. “It all comes back to that Kindred bastard, doesn’t it? Why don’t you just admit it, Elise—you’ve got some kind of misguided feelings for the big brute, don’t you?”

“I loved him with everything that was in me.” Elise felt like her heart might crack and shatter into a thousand pieces at the admission, but somehow she held it together. “And do you know why I loved him, James? Because he cared about me. Cared enough to ask the hard questions about my past and to believe the answers, even though they were ugly.”

“But you can’t back out of the wedding now!” James protested, ignoring her words about Merrick. “If you do—”

“If I do, what?” Elise demanded. “Go on, tell me what’s at stake besides your pride, James.”

He glowered at her. “If you do, the merger between my company and your stepfather’s will fall through.”

“What?” Elise demanded, her voice rising. “What are you talking about?”

“Keep your voice down!” he hissed. “I’m talking about that fact that Charles has told me repeatedly that he couldn’t trust his company to anyone but the man taking care of his little girl. So as soon as we’re married, the merger will go through. All the paperwork is done—it’s just waiting for final signatures.”

“I am not his little girl,” Elise said in a low, shaking voice. “But thank you for the explanation—now I understand.”

“I’m so glad to hear it, darling.” James beamed at her, clearly misunderstanding her meaning. With a fond smile, he took both her hands in his and kissed them. “Now you see that Charles and I both have your best interests at heart. And he’s not such a bad fellow—why, he even bought us a house right beside his and your mother’s so we can spend plenty of time together after the wedding. Wasn’t that lovely of him?” He laughed. “I imagine it will come rather in handy once the children come along and want to spend time with their grandparents.”

A whole host of images raced through Elise’s brain. Being forced to live right next to the awful house where Charles had raped her. Being haunted by the ghost of her past trauma every day, especially when he and her mother came to visit, as they certainly would. But worst of all, exposing her own children to the monster next door, fearing every moment for their safety, knowing that Charles was close enough to hurt them the way he’d hurt her…

At last her stomach rebelled—this time she couldn’t stop the wave of nausea that washed over her. Yanking her hands away from James, she ran to the sink just in time to throw up.

Luckily, there wasn’t much to come up—she’d barely eaten since she returned to the Mother ship, despite Olivia’s coaxing. Still, it left a sour taste in her mouth and she heaved miserably every time she though again of the “living arrangements” James and Charles had planned for her.

At last, the retching stopped. Reaching out, she fumbled for the cold water tap and rinsed out her mouth. Then she splashed a handful in her face for good measure. God, she had to get hold of herself! She blotted her face on a paper towel and took a deep breath.

“Darling?” James put a hand on her shoulder. “Are you quite all right?”

“No.” Elise pushed his hand away and turned to face him. “I’m not. And I’m not going to be until I get the hell away from you.”

James looked bewildered. “Me? But what…why…?”

“You still don’t get it, do you, James?” She crossed her arms over her chest and glared at him. “Once upon a time, I thought I loved you. And even when I decided to call off the wedding, I felt bad for you. But no more. You’re the same as my mother—Charles bought and paid for you a long time ago and you’ve been in his back pocket ever since.”

“What…what are you talking about?” James sputtered.

“You heard me.” Elise pushed away from him. “I know what Charles’s company is valued at—merging with him will more than double your net worth. And that’s all you care about.” She pointed a shaking finger at him. “Well I’m not selling my soul just so you can see your name at the top of the Fortune 500 list. I’m leaving now and I never want to see you again.”

James’ face went from shocked white to angry red in a second. “You’re acting like a spoiled child, Elise. And anyway, you can’t get out of the wedding that easily—you signed a prenuptial agreement—remember?”

Elise felt sick all over again. “I…that was to protect your company—your wealth. Not mine.”

“Didn’t read the fine print, did you?” James gave her a self-satisfied smirk she longed to wipe off his face with her fist. “Dear me, you’re not much of an attorney, after all. There’s a clause buried in the body of the agreement that keeps you from backing out.”

“You can’t be serious.” Elise ran a shaking hand through her hair. “You’re not serious.”

“As the grave, my dear. It was Charles’s idea. I didn’t think it would be necessary, but now I’m damn glad I listened to him.” James smiled, the same smile she’d seen him wear when he’d taken over a rival company and shut it down. Only this time I’m the one he’s taking over, she thought and her stomach gave another lurch.

“You disgust me, James,” Elise glared at him, trying to keep her anxiety from showing. “I don’t care what you put in that damn prenup, I am not going to marry you.”

James laughed. “We’ll just see about that, shall we?”

Elise couldn’t think of anything bad enough to call him and her head was swimming with the news he’d given her. I have to get away. Being here with him—with all of them—is like breathing poison gas. If I stay much longer I’m going to be sick again. Besides, she had to get home and study the prenup she’d so foolishly signed. Had to see if there was any way to break it or get out of it.

“Good bye, James,” she said evenly. “Have a nice life.”

Turning on her heel, she marched out of the kitchen door, past the formal dining room and the living area where the two sets of parents still congregated, making polite chit-chat. She could feel their eyes on her—especially Charles’—but she ignored them and left by the front door as quickly as she could.

Thankfully, the car that had brought her and James here was still in the driveway. Elise got into it and gave the driver directions for her apartment in downtown Tampa. Then, closing her eyes, she leaned back against the leather seat and finally let herself cry.

All this time her fiancé had been her stepfather’s spy, only interested in her for her monetary value. On top of Merrick’s death, the pain and betrayal were more than she could bear.

Oh Merrick, she thought longingly as the tears rolled silently down her cheeks. I miss you so much! If only you were here. If only…

* * * * *

Merrick opened his eyes and tried to roll to one side. Something sharp stabbed him—possibly a broken rib—and he groaned. What the fuck is wrong with me? He looked down, trying to answer the question, and wished he hadn’t.

Part of his rib cage was caved in—hence the stabbing sensation—and his right leg was bent at a wrong, unnatural angle. As for his left leg… was that bone poking out of his pants leg? And was the puddle of blood he was lying in all his? He moaned and closed his eyes. His entire body sang with agony. Gods, what a mess.

How long have I been out? He couldn’t remember. In fact, the only things clear in his head were the events leading up to the explosion. Explosion. Damaged the ship…atmosphere and oxygen sucked out. Why aren’t I dead already? Should be floating in space frozen colder than a naked vranna caught in an ice squall. Turning his head to one side with a groan, he looked at the wall, which had been shattered by the bomb. To his surprise, the wound in the ship was healed. In fact, nothing remained of the gaping hole and the gory conglomeration of dismembered troll parts but a single, bloody hand, which had been severed at the wrist.

It was so startling that Merrick almost forgot about his own horrible pain for a moment. Amazing—so Draven wasn’t just bragging. He was telling the truth about the ship being self-healing.

As if to prove his thought true, the smooth, dull silver wall around the bloody hand convulsed and pushed, as though it was trying to rid itself of the foreign body. With a faint pop the troll hand disappeared from view, presumably pushed outside the hull, into the void of space. The once wounded wall was completely whole and smooth once more, just as though nothing had ever happened.

Merrick only wished his own powers of self-healing would work that quickly. He’d been injured before, plenty of times, and come back from it. But he’d never been wounded this badly.

This time it felt fatal.

Things were broken inside him—organs were punctured and possibly burst. Both his legs and half his ribs were fractured. He was bleeding from somewhere and from the size of the puddle around him, he had been for some time. Everything hurt so fiercely he could barely breathe, let alone move. This was the end.

He closed his eyes. It seemed blackly ironic that he’d survived the punishment of the Ancient Ones and Draven’s tortures as well as the blast of the tiny bomb that he’d brought aboard the prototype ship, only to finally expire from his wounds. And now he would die without ever seeing Elise’s face again, without ever holding her and telling her how much he loved her. Sorry baby, he thought. So fucking sorry…

Suddenly a soft, powerful contralto voice filled the cabin. I say to you, Warrior, that you will not die.

“Huh?” Merrick’s eyes popped open and he looked around. There was nothing there—no one to see, but he felt something—a presence too tangible, too real to deny. “Who…?” He coughed, gasped when his broken ribs stabbed him, and tried again. “Who’s there?”

It is I, my child—the Mother of All Life.

“The Goddess?” Merrick looked around again, wishing he could see her.

Do not search for me. To see me is madness and death for a mortal. It is enough that you hear my voice, she murmured.

“Why…why are you here?” he demanded hoarsely. “Come to tell me I’m going straight to the seven hells? I’ll save you the trouble—I already knew that.”

I have come to tell you no such thing.

“So I’m going with you to live in paradise instead?” Merrick laughed weakly though each wheezing breath he took hurt like hell. “Imagine that. And all this time I thought you hated me.”

I know of your thoughts. The Goddess sounded sad. And I will not deny that the path you have walked through life has been difficult. Often I have watched you, my child. Often I have hurt for your pain and grieved for your grief.

“Oh yeah?” Merrick couldn’t help sounding skeptical because he was fucking skeptical. “So if you cared so much, why’d you let it happen?”

Your pain was necessary if you were to understand the female I meant for you to have.

Merrick’s wounded heart gave a thump. “You mean…Elise?”

Indeed, my child. If you had not endured grief as great as hers, Elise would never have trusted you.

Merrick thought of the horrible memories he and Elise had shared with each other in the Deep Blue and knew it was true. If he hadn’t been wounded to the core and she hadn’t seen it, she never could have accepted his empathy and love. Never could have trusted him with the true story of her past.

“I get it,” he said at last. He coughed again and spat blood, wincing as the jagged ribs stabbed his side. “But why are you telling me this now, when it’s too late?”

I say to you again, Warrior, you shall not die. I am not often able to interfere directly in the lives of my children. But every now and again, I am permitted to make an exception.

Suddenly, a pale golden mist gathered at Merrick’s feet and engulfed him. At first it was simply warm, then almost hot. But the heat seemed to bring healing. Or at least, an easement of the agony he’d been suffering. There was a faint chiming sound—as though the most glorious music imaginable was playing just out of earshot—and then Merrick smelled something wonderful—a scent that was lush and delicious and completely alive all at the same time.

Something moved in his wounded legs—it felt as though invisible hands were setting the bones painlessly back in place. He gasped in surprise and drew in a double lungful of the golden mist. It promptly went to work inside him and as he watched, the caved in side of his chest popped back out, like a balloon inflating.

Last but not least, he felt all the minor burns and lacerations on his face being healed. The mist lingered along the twisted white scar on his face but he didn’t feel the healing tingle this time.

I could heal your scars as well, he heard the Goddess murmur as the mist dissipated. But Elise loves them as she loves you. She would be sorry to see them go. Rise, Merrick, you are whole.

Slowly, still not quite believing what had happened, he got to his feet. His legs worked, he wasn’t bleeding from anywhere. Most importantly, it didn’t hurt when he breathed.

“I’m well,” he said, wonderingly, taking a deep breath and letting it out with relish. “You healed me. You fucking healed me! Uh, I mean…” He coughed. “Thank you, Mother of All Life. And please forgive my language.”

You are forgiven. He thought he heard a hint of laughter in her voice.

“But why?” Merrick asked uncertainly. “I mean, why me?”

When you were on Rageron, in the Deep Blue, you prayed to me. You made a request—the first you made since before your mother died. Do you remember what it was?

At first he couldn’t but then his eyes widened. “Yeah, I do. But why—?”

Watch. Suddenly the golden mist formed again but this time it showed an image. As he watched, Merrick’s mismatched eyes narrowed and his hands closed into fists at his sides. A low, protective growl rose in his throat and he leaned forward, as though he could reach into the mist and stop what it showed by will alone.

Then the vision dissipated as quickly as it had formed.

Elise needs you now—urgently, the Goddess told him. Go to her. Before it is too late.

Chapter Forty-one

“’Scuse me, Miss Elise, but you got a visitor down here with a whole bunch of flowers.” The soft, drawling voice of Barney, the ancient doorman at Elise’s downtown apartment building, came clearly through her intercom.

James, she thought in exasperation. Couldn’t he even give me an hour before he had to come after me? But she knew the answer to that—her ex-fiancé was nothing if not persistent, especially when large sums of money were involved. And that’s all I am to him, she thought bitterly. Just a large sum of money he doesn’t want to see float out of his reach. Well too bad, James, this little wad of cash is gone.

Resolutely, she pressed the intercom button. “Tell him to leave, please, Barney. I’m not seeing anyone.”

There was a soft, indistinct mutter of male voices and then Barney replied.

“Sorry, Miss Elise, but he’s real persistent. Says he just wants to come up and tell you how sorry he is. You oughta see these flowers—they’re real purty.”

Elise ground her teeth. She’d always kind of thought it was cute what a hopeless romantic Barney was, despite his age. He was like a secondary character in a romantic comedy, going out of his way to get the two star-crossed lovers together. But right now she found his meddling annoying in the extreme.

“I’m sorry, Barney,” she said firmly. “But I’m just not interested.”

She was turning away from the intercom, congratulating herself for never quite getting around to giving James a key to her apartment, when Barney’s voice came floating out of the small, tinny, box again.

“Miss Elise, he says to tell you if you just listen to him for five minutes, he’ll tear up the prenup, whatever that means.”

The offer stopped Elise dead in her tracks. For the past hour, ever since she’d gotten home, she’d been pouring over her copy of the ill-fated document she’d so foolishly signed.

All this time she’d believed it was a standard contract, one to protect a rich man from a gold-digging woman. Since she had her own money and career and didn’t care about James’ wealth, she’d signed without hesitation, though it had hurt her a little that he thought such a document was necessary between them.

But it was more—much more than that. And sure enough, there was a clause that stated she was legally bound to James and had to go through with the wedding, no matter what. Even worse, it stipulated that their marriage couldn’t be dissolved for at least a year afterwards. Not only had she legally obligated herself to marry James—she was going to be stuck with him for a good long time afterwards.

Reading the document made her sick. James had been planning this for a long time—probably ever since he’d run that background check on her and gotten in touch with her stepfather.

He’d hand me over to Charles on a silver platter as long as he got paid enough to do it, she thought, and knew it was true. The depth of dishonesty and betrayal from a man she’d once believed she loved hit her like a brick in the stomach. But if James was actually offering to tear it up…

“Are you sure?” she asked into the intercom. “Are you sure that’s what he said, Barney?”

“Sure am, Miss Elise. He even got a copy of it with him. I can’t make heads ’nor tails of it, though—looks like a lot of legal mumbo-jumbo to me.” Barney cackled. “’Course that’s why I’m a doorman ‘stead of a lawyer, I guess. So what do you say? Should I send him up?”

Elise hesitated. Something in her gut told her to be careful—to be wary of this offer, which seemed too good to be true. And yet, if she could really get James to tear the contract up, she could save herself years of litigation and possibly hundreds of thousands in court fees.

“Miss Elise?” Barney asked again. “You there?”

“All right,” she said at last, against her better judgment. “Send him up.”

It seemed only a second later that she heard a knocking at the door. Jumping up, she ran to open it but a sudden surge of anxiety made her look out the peephole first. Nothing could be seen, however, but the bottom half of James’ immaculately tailored suit and a huge bouquet of deep red roses which obscured his face.

Elise sighed. She hated roses—they reminded her of her father’s funeral. But they were the first flowers James had ever sent to her and she’d never had the heart to tell him so. As a result, she was always getting bunches of them from him. Though from the look of things, he’d outdone himself this time—there had to be three or four dozen long stemmed American Beauties in the bouquet he was holding up.

Well, I’m damn well going to tell him what I think of roses now! she told herself. Sliding the bolt, she opened the door and held it wide. “Come in,” she said tersely. “But don’t expect to stay long.”

“Just long enough,” he murmured and Elise frowned, thinking that his voice sounded wrong somehow. What had happened to his accent?

“James?” she asked uncertainly, backing away.

“No, not James.” The roses dropped to one side and a different face from the one she’d expected appeared. Different, but horribly familiar all the same. “Hello, princess,” her stepfather said, kicking the door shut behind him. “Long time no see. What do you say we get reacquainted?”

* * * * *

“Merrick, is that really you?” Olivia’s face on the viewscreen looked cautiously happy and bewildered at the same time.

“Yeah, it’s me all right,” he snapped. “But I don’t have time for small talk.”

“I’m sorry. It’s just—Elise was so sure you were dead.”

“Sure enough to go down to Earth and see that fucking fiancé of hers?” Merrick growled.

Olivia frowned. “Well, yes, she went to see him. But only to tell him that the wedding—uh, joining ceremony—was off.”

“But she’s down there now, right? Down on Earth?”

Olivia nodded. “Yes, she is.”

“Do you have the coordinates? The place she’s at? I need to find her right now, Olivia. It’s urgent.”

“Well, she did give me a place I might be able to reach her.” Olivia frowned. “Her fiancé’s house.”

Merrick swore. “And you think she’ll be there instead of her own place? She does have her own place, right?”

Olivia looked troubled. “I honestly don’t know. I think so. Her fiancé has been really persistent about wanting her to come back home, but she’s been so broken up about you I don’t know if she’d spend much time with him. Here, let me get you the addresses she gave me.” Olivia’s face disappeared for an instant and then she returned and rattled off a string of numbers and words that didn’t seem to make sense to Merrick. He fed them into the guidance system anyway and punched in the coordinates.

“This is amazing,” Olivia said from the viewscreen. “Sylvan is going to be so happy!”

“Don’t start the fucking party yet,” Merrick growled. “I have something to deal with first. Something important.”

Olivia looked worried. “Is it Elise? Is she in trouble? I knew I should have gone down to Earth with her!”

“Don’t worry, I’m going to take care of her.” Merrick nodded at Olivia. “Thanks for the coordinates.”

“But—” Olivia started.

Merrick broke the connection. “Hang on, baby,” he murmured under his breath as he punched the red button. “I’m coming.”

Chapter Forty-two

“Well, well, princess…it’s been a long time.” Charles advanced on her, giving Elise no choice but to back away.

“Why are you here?” she asked in a voice that trembled much more than she liked. “Get away from me!”

“I just wanted to see you again, that’s all.” He grinned at her, showing teeth that were slightly yellowed with age. Other than that, though, he looked almost the same as he had that horrible day he’d attacked her. His hair had gone from deep grey to a majestic silver, but it was still thick and full and the wrinkles around the corners of his eyes were barely noticeable.

Probably gets himself Botox or some kind of laser treatments, Elise thought, feeling sick. She was certain that most women would think her stepfather was quite handsome. But the very sight of him so close, even after all these years, still made her feel like puking her guts all over his shoes.

“Well, I don’t want to see you.” She glared at him, still backing away. “So why don’t you just…just go home and leave me alone?”

“Now, now, is that any way to greet me after all these years? And after I went to so much trouble to set up our reunion.”

“Does James know you’re here? He’s going to be angry when he finds out.” Elise wished she could get around him and run for the door, but her body refused to move when she told it. It seemed all she could do was keep backing slowly away—getting farther and farther from her only hope of escape.

“Does he know?” Her stepfather threw back his head and laughed. “Princess, the roses were his idea. Here.” Without warning, he threw the heavy bouquet directly at her.

Out of instinct, Elise fumbled to catch it, gasping as the thorns pricked and scratched her arms. But she barely felt the pain. All she could think of was that it was happening again—Charles was coming for her again and she was helpless to get away from him. “Leave me alone,” she tried to shout, but her voice came out in a whisper. “You already ruined my life, what more do you want from me?”

“Why, just another little taste.” Charles grinned at her in the awful, predatory way she remembered from her adolescence. “I thought having you that one weekend would be enough—that I could get you out of my system once and for all—did you know that, princess?” He shook his head. “But somehow it just wasn’t. I’ve tried everything to forget you and I almost thought I’d succeeded, until James called me up out of the blue.”

“You can’t be serious,” Elise protested.

“Oh but I am, princess.” Charles gave her a charming smile that made her cold inside. “You see, I had a little piece on the side who looked like you—a little anyway—and I thought I was content. But from the minute I heard that fruity British accent of his telling me all about what you’ve been up to these last ten years, I knew no substitute was going to be enough. I needed to have you again. You and only you.”

“Well you can’t have me.” Elise glared at him though her heart was pounding against her ribs. She was almost to her bedroom door now and she was forming a plan. If she could just get in and lock the door, she could call for help on her phone. Charles might have bought his way out of her rape back in her hometown, but Tampa was her city and she was a respected attorney. She knew a lot of officers on the force and if she called and said her stepfather was trying to rape her, dispatch would send a black and white with no questions asked.

“If not me, then who?” Charles demanded. “That pansy fiancé of yours?” He laughed. “Yes, princess, James told me all about how you were ‘saving yourself’ for marriage and I played along. But I knew you were really saving yourself for me. Weren’t you?” He pressed close to her suddenly, crowding her against the door of her bedroom with the roses crushed between them. Their overpowering scent, mixed with the alcohol on his breath, made Elise dizzy and nauseous.

“I’d rather die than let you touch me again,” she yelled. Lifting the roses, she pushed them into his face, hoping the thorns would do their job. She wasn’t disappointed.

“Ow, you little bitch! My eye!” Charles staggered back for a moment, just long enough for her to open the bedroom door. She fell backward into the room, landing on her back. Scrambling quickly to her feet, she slapped her palms against the white wooden door and pushed with all her might, expecting to hear the door bang closed.

But she never heard the bang. Instead there was a dull thump and the door stopped, just shy of closing. Elise’s heart sank as she looked down and saw the toe of her stepfather’s expensive Italian driving loafer wedged in the doorway. Grimly, she pushed with all her might, trying to keep him out. But Charles outweighed her by a hundred pounds, and he was determined to have her.

“Come on, princess,” he purred. “You know you want it—let me in.”

Tears sprang to Elise’s eyes as she pushed harder, but to no avail.

Like a scene straight out of her worst nightmare, the door slowly began to open…

* * * * *

“Where is she? Where the fuck is she?” Merrick shook Elise’s pretty boy fiancé like a rag doll, ignoring the shocked look on his face.

“What…who…?” he stuttered, looking stunned. Merrick supposed that was to be expected. After all, an alien space ship had suddenly materialized in the middle of his huge-ass house, effectively squashing most of the furniture and blowing out one of the walls. Of course, Merrick had done a quick scan to be certain there were no life-forms in the way before he made his jump—he hadn’t wanted to hurt Elise, though he didn’t give a damn about the rest of them. And he didn’t give a damn about property damage, either.

“Where’s Elise?” he demanded again, shaking the other male. “Tell me and I might let you live, you sonofabitch.”

“I…she…she’s…” James shook his head, apparently having a hard time getting the words out.

“What’s all this? My God, James, what’s going on?” A middle-aged woman with dark hair and brown eyes like Elise appeared, picked her way carefully through the rubble.

“Oh, Evelyn, I’m so glad you weren’t hurt.” James tried to smile at her. “This…this person is a friend of Elise’s. He wants to know where she went.”

“Well, where did she go?” the woman demanded. “I can’t find Charles, either. And what happened here?” She gestured at the crushed furniture and the demolished wall with the prototype ship sitting right in the middle of it all. “It’s a mess!”

“I happened here,” Merrick growled. “And I’m going to happen to both of you idiots too, if I don’t get an answer soon—is Elise here or not?”

“N-no.” James shook his head. “She went back to her apartment.” He looked at the dark haired woman, who was almost certainly Elise’s mother. “That’s where Charles went, too.”

“Oh, James, are you serious?” Elise’s mother looked upset and uncomfortable at the same time. “You know how those two are—they just don’t get along.”

Fierce anger surged inside Merrick. “And I bet you know why they don’t get along, don’t you?” he asked, glaring at Elise’s mother.

She shifted, looking even more uncomfortable. “What are you implying? I don’t even know you.”

“Yeah, but we both know Elise. And we both know what your mate did to her—only you chose to ignore it.” Merrick bared his fangs at her. “I should rip you to shreds for the pain you let him cause her.”

She shrank back, a look of horror on her face. “You…you beast! Get away from me.”

James put out an arm, as though to shield her. “L-leave her al-lone,” he told Merrick in a shaking voice. “N-neither of us has any idea what you’re talking about.”

“Liar.” Merrick gave both of them a nasty grin. “Lucky for both of you, I don’t kill females or fools. But I’ll make an exception to my rule if you don’t give me the coordinates to Elise’s apartment right now.” He turned his glare on James. “And they’d better be correct, you little fucker, or I’ll come back here and rip off your head with my teeth. Understand?”

“I…I understand.” James’ face was pale and sweating. “V-very well, here’s her address…”

Chapter Forty-three

“Get off me! Leave me alone!” Elise fought with all her might, kicking and scratching and clawing but Charles had her pinned to the bed, that awful, leering grin she remembered all too well plastered on his face.

“I don’t think so, princess. I came all the way across the country for this, I’m not leaving until I get another taste.” He leered at her, his breath hot and disgusting against her face.

“You sick bastard!” Elise craned away from him, her eyes searching desperately for any escape. Beyond the glass of her bedroom window, she saw a familiar black metal outline she hardly ever paid any attention to. But now it drew her eyes. Of course—the fire escape.

She lived on the top floor of one of the few apartment buildings in Tampa old enough to still have an outside escape, though she’d never dreamed she would have to use it. Could she even get the window open? If she could just get away from Charles, she would damn well try! She’d smash it open if she had to—but she’d have to get away from her stepfather first.

“Come on, princess…” She felt him groping between her legs, just as he had so many years ago. “You want it,” he panted in her ear. “You know you do.”

“No! No!” Elise shrieked, trying to wiggle out from under him. She managed to kick a wall with her foot but she knew it wouldn’t do any good—the old building had thick walls, and Elise had paid extra to have a corner apartment with only one set of neighbors. Next she tried to hike her knee into Charles’s crotch but he only blocked the move and laughed.

“Nice try. Now let me in, princess. Let…me…in.” He pried her legs apart and pawed at her panties, a look of animalistic lust twisting his handsome face into an ugly mask.

Elise felt the panic rising in her, sweeping away all rational thought. It’s just like before—I’m trapped. Can’t get away! her mind babbled. He’s going to do it again and I can’t stop him. Can’t…

Suddenly there was a huge thump on the roof overhead that seemed to shake the entire building to its foundation. Elise gave a gasp and Charles looked up, an annoyed expression on his face.

“What the hell?” he muttered.

Elise used the momentary distraction to try and get away. Wriggling with all her might, she managed to squirm halfway out from under her stepfather’s crushing weight.

But her movements brought Charles’s attention back to her in an instant. “Oh no you don’t, you little bitch!” he snarled, grabbing her wrist and pulling her back. “You’re gonna give it up for me, just like you did before. Just like—”

There was a heavy, ringing tramp on the metal of the fire escape and Elise’s bedroom window exploded inward, spraying shards of glass everywhere.

“Get the fuck off her, now!” bellowed a deep, familiar voice.

Merrick? Elise could hardly believe her own eyes, but there he was—standing just inside her window and looking angrier than she had ever seen him. His eyes finally matched—instead of blue and gold, they were glowing red like two hot coals—and the look of rage on his face was terrible to see.

“Who the hell are y—?” Charles began and then Merrick had him by the back of his shirt and was yanking him off Elise. “Hey!” Charles protested and then Merrick slung him against the wall, as though he weighed no more than a rat. With a loud thump, her stepfather hit and fell to one side, silent and stunned.

At last Elise found her voice. “Merrick?” she whispered. “Is it…it’s really you? But how…?”

“Never mind how. Come here, baby.” He held out his arms and she ran to him, sobbing, and threw her arms around his neck.

“Merrick…Merrick, I thought you were gone. I thought you were dead. I never thought…”

“I nearly was dead, but it wasn’t my time—I was sent back for you.” He hugged her tight, almost cutting off her air, but Elise didn’t care. She pressed herself against his hard, muscular body, breathing in his familiar, comforting scent of smoke and fur, letting herself believe at last that he was real. That he had really come for her.

At last Merrick pulled back from the embrace and looked at her anxiously. “Was I in time? Did he…?”

Elise shook her head rapidly, her hair swishing around her face. “No, not this time. He…he tried. He would have if you hadn’t come and…oh, Merrick…” The sobs rose in her throat again, choking her with their intensity.

“I know, baby. I know.” He pulled her close again, stroking her hair gently.

From the corner of her eye, Elise saw her stepfather getting to his hands and knees. He cast a quick glance at Merrick, and began to slink away, crawling along the perimeter of the room like the rat he was, heading for the door.

Apparently, the motion caught Merrick’s eye too. Gently, he disentangled himself from Elise and set her down on the floor. “Hang on a minute, baby. I need to settle some unfinished business.”

“Merrick?” She looked at him anxiously, noticing that his eyes were still glowing red. “What…what are you going to do?”

“I’m going to take care of him.” Merrick caught her stepfather by the scruff of the neck, twisting the back of Charles’s crisp white dress shirt until it strangled him, effectively cutting off his air.

“You…stop,” he managed to sputtered, grasping at his neck as his face turned red. “Stop now…talk about…this.”

“Oh, you want to talk?” Merrick appeared to consider this. He loosened his grip slightly on Charles’s shirt, allowing him to breath. “Go ahead—talk.”

“This…” Charles coughed and cleared his throat. “This is all just a big misunderstanding. I don’t…don’t know who you are, but you seem like…like a reasonable man.” He eyed Merrick uncertainly. “Just name your price and we can all forget about this and…and go.”

Elise could have told him it was the wrong thing to say. Merrick’s eyes narrowed and blazed crimson, as though someone had stirred the embers behind his pupils into a roaring flame. “Name my price? Name my price?” he snarled. “You think you can put a price on what you did to Elise? On the way you hurt the female I love?” Reaching into his boot, he pulled out a long, sharp, silver knife and showed it to Charles who turned as white as a sheet. “I’ll show you the price—it’s right here.”

“N-now wait a minute,” Charles blustered, trying to get away. But Merrick still had a tight grip on his shirt—he was caught. “What…” He eyed the knife, his eyes rolling nervously. “What do you think you’re going to do with that?”

Merrick gave him a smile so cold it sent shivers down Elise’s spine. “I think I’m going to cut off your raping cock and feed it to you, you sonofabitch. And if you happen to bleed to death in the process, that’s just too damn bad.”

“No! No, please…” Charles began blubbering but it was clear Merrick was paying no attention. He was wholly intent on revenge—revenge for her sake, Elise realized.

“Merrick?” she whispered in a small voice. She didn’t know how to feel. Part of her was horrified at the impending violence. But another part, a part which had been buried for years along with all the other memories and thoughts in the now-defunct vault, felt a fierce sense of triumph.

Good, screamed that other part of her. Good, that’s exactly what he deserves! But still, how often had she been lectured in law school about due process? About never taking the law into her own hands? I shouldn’t let this happen, whispered the sane, rational part of her—the part not obsessed with vengeance. It’s wrong, I should take him to court instead. “Merrick?” she said again, a little louder this time.

Merrick turned his head and looked at her. His eyes were still blazing red, yet there was a coldness to him too—a chilly blast of violence and death that seemed to breathe from his skin like an arctic wind.

The killing frost, Elise thought, and then she knew. Knew there was no stopping this slaughter. No stopping what Merrick was about to do to her hated stepfather.

The killing frost was on him, and only blood could quench its cold and thirsty rage.

“Go on, baby. This is nothing you need to see,” he growled softly, nodding at the broken window. “Get up to the roof and wait in the ship. It won’t take long.”

Elise started to protest, but then she looked in his eyes again. This was going to happen, whether she left or whether she stayed. And as much as she hated her stepfather, she really didn’t want to see it.

Slowly, she nodded. “All right.”

She turned her back and climbed carefully out the window, concentrating on avoiding the few ragged shards of glass that were left. As she gripped the hot metal of the fire escape’s black iron railing, she heard the hoarse, wordless screaming begin.

The temptation to look back was so strong she nearly turned her head, but then Merrick’s words echoed in her ears. This is nothing you need to see, he’d said and she believed him. She had enough nightmares to contend with, without adding another one. As the screams sounded again, Elise began to climb.

She did not look back.

* * * * *

After it was over, Merrick washed the blood from his hands in the bathroom sink and tried to straighten his stained clothes. His pants were already stiff with his own dried blood, but at least they were dark. His shirt, however, was a total loss—it was spattered with his blood, troll blood, and fresh blood from his recent kill. Merrick ripped it off and left it lying on the floor. He splashed water on his bare chest and toweled himself off. There. That would have to fucking do.

He took a deep breath and looked at himself in the mirror. His eyes had gone back to normal, which was a relief. The combination of rage and the killing frost which had come over him when he saw Elise threatened by that bastard had been a system overload in the extreme. When Merrick had broken in the window and saw him on top of her, he’d felt like the top of his head was about to explode. Well, he felt nicely contained now—now that the killing was done.

Walking out of the bathroom, he stepped over the bloody lump that was all that remained of Elise’s stepfather. Merrick was sorry about the mess in her domicile—he hadn’t meant to get blood everywhere that way. But in order to do some things right, you had to get a little messy. Revenge was definitely one of those things.

Looking down at the remains, he waited for the sense of regret to hit him, the feeling of guilt he always had to repress after the killing frost left him. But this time there was nothing. Nothing but relief that Elise would never have to worry about this male bothering her again.

This is what it’s for, he realized suddenly. This part of me I can’t turn off, can’t get away from. The part of me that’s neither Blood Kindred nor Beast Kindred and yet a little of both. The hybrid part. He felt strangely content at the thought—it was like the killing frost was a weapon he’d had all his life and had finally found the right use for.

“You deserved it,” he told the lump on the floor. “And I’d fucking do it again if I had to.” Then he climbed through the bedroom window and started up the narrow, black metal stairs.

It occurred to him, while he climbed the short distance to the roof, that Elise might not feel the same way he did about the killing of her stepfather. She might still be upset or in shock. Probably she’d be completely traumatized by the whole thing—both the stepfather’s attack and his subsequent death.

She might never want to be with me again, he thought, his apprehension growing as he stepped out onto the roof and headed for the ship. She might never get over this last attack. It goes without saying we won’t be making love anytime soon, or probably ever, for that matter.

Not that he cared, he thought, stepping onto the ship’s on-ramp. He’d stay with her forever, even if the two of them were as celibate as a couple of Morian anti-pleasure nuns. Even if she never even wanted to hold his hand—

“Merrick!” Elise threw herself at him, breaking his morbid train of thought.

He caught her reflexively and held her tight, loving the feeling of having her in his arms again.

But a simple hug wasn’t enough for Elise. “I love you,” she whispered, wrapping her arms and legs around him and pressing her face to his neck. “Love you so much.”

“Love you too, baby.” Merrick squeezed her gently, breathing in the warm scent of her hair and skin. “Are you okay?”

He felt her nodding against his neck. “Yes,” she whispered. “Now that you’re here, I’m better than okay.” She pulled back and looked at him. “But how did you get away? I thought…thought that horrible man with the silver eyes was going to…to kill you.”

Merrick shook his head. “It’s a long, long story. And you oughta know by now how hard I am to kill. Speaking of that…” He looked her in the eye, deciding to get it over and dispel any doubt she might have. “Your stepfather’s dead.”

Her response was immediate. “Good. I mean…” she looked down, biting her lip. “I know I shouldn’t feel like that. I shouldn’t…shouldn’t…”

“Yes, you should,” Merrick said fiercely. “After what he did to you? He fucking deserved everything I did to him and more.” He looked at her seriously. “I hope you understand why I had to do it. Why I had to kill him.”

She nodded. “I know. You’re not…you didn’t do anything I haven’t fantasized about myself. But I think if I’d done it myself it would have…have haunted me forever. So thank you, Merrick. Thank you for making sure he’ll never bother me again.”

“Never,” he promised. “I swear it.”

Elise shivered. “If you hadn’t come just in time…”

“But I did.” Merrick kissed her cheek. “Don’t think about it, baby. Don’t let your mind go there.”

“All right. I’ll try not to.” She took a deep breath. “I think he was planning this attack for awhile. James had been sending him pictures, feeding his obsession…”

“Wait a minute, what? That fucking fiancé of yours was in on this?” Merrick felt his eyes starting to grow hot again. “That’s fucked up. When I think that I had him right in front of me…”

“I know it’s awful,” Elise said hastily. “But please, Merrick, no more killing. Okay?”

He took a deep breath and, with a vast effort, sent the protective rage away. “All right. But he’d better not bother you again.”

“I’m sure he won’t,” Elise said and laughed a little jaggedly. “Not after…after he sees what you did to Charles. What…” she cleared her throat. “What did you do to him?”

“You don’t want to know,” Merrick said evenly. “Leave the blood work to me, baby. That way you can sleep with a clean conscience—all right?”

“All right, I guess.” Elise snuggled against him. “I’m just so glad and thankful you’re back. I don’t care about anything or anybody else.” She took a deep breath. “In fact, I don’t care if I never see this place again.”

“That’s probably a good thing, considering the mess I left in your domicile,” Merrick murmured. “And I’m pretty sure once your planet’s authorities find out I’m the one who did it, I won’t be welcome here anymore.”

“That’s okay,” she said softly. “I was thinking of moving up to the Mother Ship anyway. You know—for support.”

Merrick felt a weight he hadn’t known was there lift off his chest. “Good. Then we can be together for always.” He looked at her seriously. “And listen, Elise, I want you to know something—we can be together without doing anything to bring this back. Without…stirring up bad memories.”

She shook her head. “What exactly are you saying?”

He frowned, trying to think of a way to put it. “Just that I love you and I want to be with you, even if we have a, uh, unconventional relationship.”

“Unconventional how?”

Ah, hell…” He sighed. “Even if we never have sex. I don’t need that as long as I have you—okay?”

“That’s so sweet of you.” Elise gave him a tremulous smile. “I don’t really want to think of anything to do with that—with sex right now. But maybe later…”

“A long, long time later,” Merrick amended. “I’m not going to do anything to hurt you, baby—ever. I swear it. I just want you to know that I understand it could take you years to get over all this, and I’m good with waiting.”

“Oh, Merrick.” Elise pressed her face to his neck again and then he felt her shoulders shaking.

“Elise?” he asked, immediately worried. “Are you okay?”

“Yes. No. I…I don’t know. I’m sorry,” she whispered between sobs. “I don’t…don’t know why I’m crying.”

“That’s all right, baby,” Merrick murmured soothingly as he carried her up into the ship. “You don’t have to know. Just let it out.”

Cradled safe in his arms, Elise did.

Chapter Forty-four

“So you never got to tell me—what ever happened with you and Xairn?” Liv asked Lauren, leaning forward to take another slice of watermelon-broccoli-cheese quiche. Kat had dubbed the unusual looking concoction “disgusting in the extreme” even though she had been the one to make it for Olivia in the first place.

The girls were all gathered at Sophie’s suite, talking and laughing, and of course, eating. It was as warm and inviting as Liv had promised it would be and Elise already felt perfectly at home, even though she’d only been on the Mother Ship a little over a month.

“Oh, well…” Lauren blushed, her pale brown skin turning a warm rosy color. “Um…”

“Oh, I’m sorry.” Olivia put a hand on her knee. “Me and my big mouth. Would you rather keep it private?”

“Too late.” Kat sat forward, grinning eagerly. “Spill it, doll. Did the big gray guy finally admit what was wrong? Or did he put you over his knee and spank you for daring to ask him in the first place?”

Lauren blushed even harder. “Kat!”

“Kat, leave her alone,” Sophie protested. “You know Lauren’s shy.”

“No, it’s okay.” Lauren laughed, even though she was still blushing. “If you must know, everything turned out all right.”

“What turned out all right?” Sophie asked plaintively. “Kat and Elise and I still don’t even know what the problem was in the first place.”

“Was he scared of hurting the baby?” Kat asked, looking pointedly at Lauren’s belly which was just beginning to develop a gentle curve.

“Or afraid he wasn’t going to be a good father?” Sophie said. “Considering how his own dad was, that would be completely understandable.”

Lauren frowned. “Surprisingly, no. He said it was these, uh, dreams he’d been having.”

“Dreams? Seriously? He’s using nightmares as an excuse for no nookie?” Kat looked skeptical.

“I know how it sounds, but Xairn says they seem so real.” Lauren looked down at her hands, a troubled look on her face. “He keeps dreaming of a girl who looks just like me but she’s not me. It’s really been bothering him.”

“Oh my God.” Sophie put a hand to her mouth. “Your clone!”

“Excuse me, what?” Elise had to ask. “Did you say Lauren has a clone running around?”

“Not running around,” Liv corrected. “At least, we hope not,” she added darkly.

“We left her far away from here, in another galaxy,” Lauren explained. “She was safe, though—with someone who was going to take care of her.”

“And I’m sure that’s where she still is,” Olivia said, patting her hand comfortingly. “Don’t worry about it, Lauren—you know the security on the Mother Ship is top notch.”

“Yes, I know.” Lauren made a visible effort to brighten up. “Honestly, I think it’s just another way Xairn’s subconscious is expressing his doubts about fatherhood. You know, ‘I couldn’t even take care of that clone, so how can I take care of this baby?’ That kind of thing.”

“Oh my God!” Kat suddenly burst out laughing. “I’m sorry, Lauren, but this conversation so belongs on a daytime talk show. It’s too weird.”

“Well, that’s life with a Kindred—or a Scourge,” Sophie said, grinning. “Weird, but wonderful.” She turned to Lauren. “I’m sure Liv is right and everything is going to be just fine.”

“I’m sure too.” Lauren smiled. “In fact, things are looking up already.” She glanced at Kat. “And yes, by ‘looking up’ I mean we had some pretty spectacular make-up sex, when I finally got to the bottom of the problem.”

“All right!” Kat leaned over and gave her a gentle high five. “The nookie train is back on track. Score one for the bonding fruit girls.”

“Bonding fruit?” Elise asked, turning her attention from the question of clones and the delicious strawberry vanilla swirl cupcakes which had been Lauren’s contribution to the girl-day brunch. “What’s that?”

Kat and Lauren shared a look and both of them laughed. “It’s a long story, hon,” Kat said. “Let’s just say it makes all things possible. And I do mean all things.”

“It’s a fruit that helps you, um, accommodate your Kindred mate,” Sophie said delicately. “Some of them are kind of you know, large.”

Kat raised an eyebrow. “Like you have to tell her? She’s got the biggest guy of all. Sorry, Elise, but you know it’s true—Merrick is huge. I’m really glad my guys aren’t built on that scale.”

“Yes, he is kind of…of big.” Elise cleared her throat and looked down at her hands.

“I’m guessing he’s big where it counts, too—right?” Kat nudged her but Liv shook her head at her friend. Then she smiled at Elise and changed the subject.

“So how are you and Merrick settling in? Have you had any more problems with that ex-fiancé of yours?”

“He tried to make trouble,” Elise admitted. “Remember I told you he’d tricked me into signing a prenup saying I had to marry him?”

“He did what?” Kat exclaimed.

“Yeah, well it was my fault for just signing instead of looking over it first,” Elise said. “Anyway, when I didn’t show for the wedding, he put in a complaint to the Kindred High Council—he even tried to bring Merrick up on charges of murder.”

“Oh, no!” Sophie put a hand to her mouth. “When did this happen?”

“Not too long after we first came up here,” Elise said quietly. “I didn’t really feel like talking about it then, but well, I’m starting to feel better now.” She smiled at Liv who smiled back encouragingly.

“Well go on.” Kat made a motion with one hand. “What happened?”

Elise cleared her throat. “Merrick explained that the man he’d murdered had been, uh, trying to attack me at the time, so they cleared him of that charge right away. Apparently a Kindred warrior can’t be held responsible for what they do when the woman they love is in danger.”

“No, they can’t.” Sophie shook her head firmly. “They go into rage.”

“It’s kind of a protective fury,” Liv explained. “If a Kindred thinks his female is in danger, there’s no stopping him until he eliminates that danger.”

“Yeah, and sometimes the elimination process can be kind of…messy.” Sophia winced.

“Messy. Right.” Elise nodded. “I, uh, know all about that.” Though she hadn’t seen her apartment after Merrick had finished with Charles, James had described it in graphic detail at the inquest. It didn’t change how she felt about the big Kindred a bit, but she had to admit it was a little frightening to be with a man who loved you so much he would do anything to protect you. Anything at all.

“Well, so they cleared him of the murder charges, but what about the prenup?” Lauren asked. “Did that hold up?”

Elise shook her head. “They ruled that my connection with Merrick superseded the prenup, especially when I testified that I signed it without knowing exactly what it stated.”

“So everything worked out in the end.” Olivia looked pleased.

“Sort of.” Elise bit her lip. “They also asked Merrick and me about the man who had captured us—the one with the silver eyes. Draven.”

“The leader of the Hoard?” Sophie’s lovely green eyes were shadowed by fear. This new threat to the Kindred wasn’t often discussed—it was too new and frightening for the girls to want to speculate about it much.

Elise nodded. “Yes, that’s him. Merrick told them everything he knew, and then they let us go. They did throw James one bone, though—Merrick is banned from ever going down to Earth again.”

“Well, that should be no problem,” Kat said comfortingly. “I mean, you’ve got enough to keep you busy up here, right? I mean, you’ve only really been together a month, I’m surprised you can even get out of bed.”

“Kat,” Liv hissed.

“No, it’s okay.” Elise looked up and took a deep breath. “Merrick and I haven’t actually…haven’t actually had sex yet.”

“What?” Kat, Lauren, and Sophie chimed together. Liv, who already knew, just sat silently.

“It’s true.” Elise lifted her chin. “Olivia is the only one I’ve talked to about it. Well, besides the therapist you recommended, Liv.” She nodded at Olivia who nodded back, smiling encouragement.

“When you said that Merrick got to you just in time to stop some kind of…of attack,” Sophie said hesitantly. “Was that…does that have anything to do with it?”

“That’s a big part of it, yes.” Elise sighed. “But the other part is, Merrick doesn’t want to.”

“He doesn’t?” Kat raised her eyebrows. “Um, that’s a little unusual for a Kindred, hon.”

“It’s because he’s afraid he’ll hurt or scare her, I’m sure,” Liv said, jumping to her defense. “Isn’t that right, Elise?”

Elise nodded. “Exactly. He doesn’t want me to associate him with my past trauma. And I’ve never really had sex that wasn’t, uh traumatic. So he thinks we should rule it out entirely—or at least put it on hold for several years until I’m completely over my past.”

“I think I know what you’re talking about.” Sophie leaned over and put a hand on her knee. “And I want you to know, something like that happened to me, too. It was awful and it colored the way I saw every other man afterwards. But Sylvan helped me through it.” She squeezed Elise’s knee. “I’m sure Merrick can do the same for you. Kindred are the most patient, kind, gentle lovers in the world, if you give them a chance.”

“It sounds to me like it’s Merrick who won’t give it a chance,” Lauren said, frowning. “Am I right, Elise?”

Elise nodded again. “Unfortunately, yes. He says that since he’s a hybrid, there’s no way we can regrow the bond we lost, so there’s no point in taking a risk on him traumatizing me. He’s content for us to be celibate for however long it takes for me to feel ready—but now he won’t believe me when I say I am ready.”

“That’s right—you’re living together unbonded, aren’t you?” Kat said and all the girls made wordless noises of sympathy.

“Bonding sex is a big deal for the Kindred,” Olivia said thoughtfully. “I guess if Merrick feels you have no hope of having a bond, there’s no reason to put your emotional health in danger just to have sex.”

“But I want to,” Elise burst out passionately. “I mean, I didn’t at first, I’ll admit. I’ve been through kind of a lot in the past few months.”

“Isn’t that the understatement of the year,” Kat murmured and Sophie shushed her.

“I’ve been through a lot—both bad and good,” Elise amended. “And even though the bond between us was wrong and had to be broken, I think that was the best part of it.” She took a deep breath, trying to hold back tears. “There at the end, I could even feel Merrick’s emotions and…and hear his thoughts, and he could do the same for me. I…I miss it so much—that closeness.” She gave a soft sob. “And even though I know sex would just be…be a pale shadow of that intimacy, I still want it. I want something with him. Something more than just lying there in the dark, side by side every night, afraid to even touch each other for fear things will get…will get out of hand.”

She was outright sobbing now but there was no condemnation on the faces around her. Instead, to her surprise, Elise found herself suddenly enveloped in a group hug.

“It’s okay, doll,” Kat murmured. “Just get it out.”

“We’ve all been there,” Lauren said gently. “Some of us more recently than others—I should know.”

“I just wish there was some way of convincing him to touch me—to at least try and have a normal relationship with me,” Elise whispered hoarsely, blotting her eyes on someone’s shoulder. “But he just won’t—he’s too afraid to hurt me.”

Kat frowned and sat back from the group embrace. “Then maybe you should put him in a position where he needs to help you.”

“Kat, please don’t tell me you’re thinking what I think you’re thinking,” Liv said, frowning.

“And what would that be?” Kat asked innocently.

“Bonding fruit.” Sophie pointed at her friend accusingly. “That’s what she’s thinking.”

“Well as a matter of fact, it is. And why not?” Kat shrugged. “It’s a delicious, nutritious part of a balanced diet.”

“Not to mention it makes you horny and stretchy as hell,” Liv pointed out.

“Hey, some of us need to be stretchy, cuz.” Lauren raised an eyebrow at her haughtily.

“You tell ’em, sister.” Kat moved over to link arms with Lauren. “When you’re married to a man who’s hung like a Clydesdale, a little extra help in the stretchy department never hurts.”

“I don’t know about this, Kat,” Sophie said doubtfully. “If you’re planning to have Elise eat some bonding fruit so Merrick will have to touch her…I mean, that’s kind of manipulative, don’t you think?”

Kat raised an eyebrow at her. “And your point is? You told me how you seduced Sylvan into sexing you up the first time.”

“Well, yes, that’s true,” Sophie admitted, blushing.

“But in Elise’s case, seduction won’t work because Merrick is so afraid he’ll hurt her.” Olivia sounded thoughtful.

“But if he feels he has to touch her in order to help her or stop her from hurting…” Lauren continued the thought.

“It just might work,” Olivia concluded.

Kat snorted. “Of course it’ll work.”

Elise frowned. “I still don’t understand. How will eating a piece of this fruit make Merrick think he has to touch me?”

“Let’s just say the effects of the fruit can be…extreme if you eat too much of it,” Liv said. “It acts like an aphrodisiac.”

“It makes you crazy for sex,” Kat said bluntly. “But that’s only if you overdose on it, like I did the first time. You could just eat a little bit—just enough to need a man’s touch, if you know what I mean.”

“But just a little,” Lauren cautioned. “You really don’t want to be left high and dry if Merrick refuses to come through for you.”

“I don’t think he’d refuse me,” Elise said thoughtfully. “And if I could just get him to see that we could make love without me losing it, I think it would really help.” She sighed. “I can’t blame him for being so reluctant—I did a lot of freaking out during our trip together—before I started dealing with my, uh, past issues.”

“You had a lot to freak out about,” Liv said, patting her knee comfortingly.

Elise sighed. “I know it won’t bring back our bond, but even having regular old garden-variety sex would be wonderful at this point.”

Kat laughed. “Honey, sex is never ‘regular’ with a Kindred. Especially with a man like yours—he’s got a mating fist and a set of fangs.”

“Mating fist?” Elise asked, and then remembered the ridge-like swelling she'd seen at the base of Merrick’s cock.

Liv frowned at Kat and then looked at Elise. “I really hope we’re not traumatizing you right now—please tell me you already know about the mating fist.”

Elise coughed, feeling her cheeks go red at the memory of exploring Merrick’s bare body with her hands on their trip to Rageron. “I have heard something about it, yes. Isn’t it some kind of, uh, swelling at the base of the shaft?”

Olivia nodded. “Uh-huh. It locks you together with your mate during sex and makes it last for a long, long time. Very tantric.”

“But the Blood Kindred don’t have a mating fist—they have fangs,” Sophie put in. “They bite during bonding sex instead of, you know, swelling up. Which is why they don’t make a chemical to help their women, uh stretch.”

“Which is why you’d really better having some bonding fruit in hand before you attempt anything with Merrick,” Kat added. “Just in case things go farther than planned. Don’t worry, I’ll hook you up.”

“She’s practically got a bonding fruit tree growing in her suite,” Liv said dryly.

“For which I, for one, am eternally grateful,” Lauren grinned at Kat. “If it wasn’t for bonding fruit, I wouldn’t be able to do a damn thing but admire Xairn from afar.”

“Scourge have a double-dick thing going on,” Kat explained with a smirk. “Not something you’d want to experience unprepared. Amiright?” She nudged Lauren who blushed and nodded.

“Completely.”

Elise remembered that during her conversation with Merrick, he’d been pretty certain the compounds in his precum would help her accommodate his mating fist. Still, remembering the size of his shaft, she thought a little extra help in that department couldn’t hurt. She hadn’t thought, however, about having to contend with both his mating fist and his fangs at the same time.

“So…” She cleared her throat. “If we do this—if I get Merrick to agree to try it—I should be prepared to deal with a mating fist and fangs?”

“Pierced and penetrated all at once. Ouch,” Kat murmured.

“Kat!” Sophie exclaimed. She looked at Elise. “I’m afraid so. But please don’t be afraid. The biting thing isn’t nearly as bad as it sounds. I was scared to death of needles and I didn’t want Sylvan’s fangs anywhere near me. But as it turns out, when a Blood Kindred bites you, they inject their essence, and it’s…” She shivered. “Oh, I can’t even describe it. It’s pure ecstasy.”

“The mating fist sensation isn’t half bad, either,” Olivia murmured, giving her a wink. “It’s very deep and intimate…I always feel like Baird and I have been, I don’t know, touching souls, somehow, when we finish.”

“It sounds beautiful and frightening at the same time,” Elise said honestly.

“Which is why you should probably take some time to think about it,” Lauren said gently.

“And have some bonding fruit ready for when you’re done thinking and ready to start acting.” Kat grinned at her and then looked at Sophie. “Not to change the subject, but speaking of thinking things through, when are you going to take that pregnancy test, Sophie? Aren’t you like, two months late on your period by now?”

“Well, more like a month and a half…” Sophie twisted her fingers together. “But you know, I’ve been late before and nothing came of it. I think…” She sighed. “I think I’m just afraid to take it because right now I can pretend I’m pregnant if I want. But if I take it and it’s negative…I mean if I get that awful white flower…”

“Then the dream is over,” Lauren said softly.

Olivia reached over and patted her twin’s shoulder. “We understand, Sophie. Take the test when you’re ready. Just be sure you keep taking those prenatal vitamins I gave you just in case.”

“Don’t worry, I am,” Sophie promised. “And you know you’ll be the first to know the minute I ‘screw my courage to the sticking point’ and take the darn thing, wombmate.”

“I know.” Liv smiled back and then sighed. “Well girls, it’s been real, but I need to be getting back to my own suite. It’s Baird’s turn to cook tonight and he needs to know what I want.”

“What do you want?” Sophie gave the half-eaten watermelon-broccoli-cheese quiche a doubtful look.

“She means besides something disgusting,” Kat added.

“Kat has a point, cuz,” Lauren put in. “You do have some weird cravings, even for a pregnant lady.”

“Unlike you, of course.” Liv sniffed.

Lauren put up her hands. “Hey, all I crave are chocolate and lima beans. And of course, raw meat.”

“Yeah, so normal. Who doesn’t want the occasional chunk of raw meat?” Kat snickered and Lauren elbowed her good-naturedly.

“Just for that, you’re invited over for dinner the next time I make steak tartar.”

“Only if I get to stay after and watch your whipping technique for dessert,” Kat shot back. “And I don’t mean I want to watch you whipping cream, doll.”

“Ha-ha,” Lauren retorted.

Elise couldn’t help smiling at the good-natured banter as her new friends rose and gathered their things. But inside she wondered what Merrick would say when she told him she’d eaten some of the bonding fruit. Would he be angry…or would he be willing to at least try making love? Elise was hoping for the latter outcome—after all, if what Kat said was true, she was going to be gambling a lot on his decision.

Chapter Forty-five

“No, absolutely not.” Merrick frowned at her, shaking his head firmly. “We’ve been over this, baby—I’m not going to risk hurting you. Not when you’ve already been hurt so much.”

“Merrick, please. At least consider it.” Elise sat on the side of the vast Kindred sized bed they shared and looked at him longingly. He was ready for bed and wearing his usual sleep attire—a pair of black silk sleep-pants and nothing else. His broad, scarred chest was muscular and firm, and she wanted to touch it…wanted to touch him all over. Just the thought of running her hands all over his hard body made her feel wet and achy between her legs. In fact, her whole body was one big throbbing mass of desire—she’d never felt so horny in her life, not even when the hunger was making her crazy with need. God, what was wrong with her?

Oh yeah, the bonding fruit I ate. Kat had given it to her after their get-together, just as she’d promised. Despite all of Olivia’s jokes about her redheaded friend being a “bonding fruit pusher,” Kat had actually warned Elise to be careful with the fruit.

“Just a few bites at a time,” she’d told Elise, giving her several of the fruits. “After you eat it, you will need help getting over the effects.” She winked. “And by that I mean you’re going to need a serious boink-fest with your man. So don’t eat it if you don’t think Merrick is willing to give it up.”

“I’ll be fine,” Elise had said confidently as she cupped the fragrant triangular fruits in her hand. They smelled so good they made her mouth water. Merrick wasn’t due back for several hours—he was working in the docking bay to duplicate more of the wormhole ships for the Kindred. Elise knew she ought to put the bonding fruits away and leave them alone until later. But she hadn’t been able to resist taking just one tiny nibble…

As it turned out, that had been a mistake. It was like opening a big box of chocolates and promising herself she would only try one. Five minutes later, all the bonding fruit was gone and Elise’s chin and hands were dripping with juice.

She’d had a moment of deep trepidation, but when she didn’t immediately fall into some kind of lust-crazed seizure, she decided that she would probably be okay. The entire time as she cooked supper—she and Merrick usually took turns and she loved playing with her new Kindred kitchen appliances—she waited for the fruit to kick in. But…nothing.

By the time they were getting ready for bed, Elise had pretty much decided she was immune to the effects of the bonding fruit. It was disappointing, but…and that was when she’d begun to feel it. First as a tingle in her nipples and between her legs, and then as the full-fledged throbbing ache that filled her body with desire.

“Merrick?” she said in a slightly strangled voice.

“Baby, please…” He sat down on the bed beside her and ran a hand over his skull-cut hair. “Please,” he said to Elise. “Don’t keep making me tell you no. I want it as much as you do—believe me, I do. Especially when you’re dressed like that.” He nodded at Elise’s sleep outfit, which was a pair of skimpy red satin shorts and a lace-edged red tank top to match. “I mean, I can see how hard your nipples are right through that thin little top,” he went on, his voice dropping to a soft growl. “But I can’t—we can’t—risk it.”

“Why not?” Elise insisted. Despite the throbbing heat, which was spreading throughout her entire body, she still tried to keep up a rational conversation. “I feel ready, Merrick, honestly I do. I know we can’t reform our bond, but don’t you think we could at least try to make love?”

He shifted uncomfortably. “I’m just afraid that making love might lead to other things…things that might frighten or hurt you.”

“You mean bonding sex?” Elise asked, as calmly as she could. “I know all about that, Merrick and the idea doesn’t scare me.”

“Well maybe it should,” he growled. “Baby, you’ve seen my mating fist and you’ve seen my fangs. In order for us to try bonding sex, you’d have to have both inside you for a long, long time. And it’s not something we could stop in the middle if you didn’t like it. I mean, I could stop biting you, of course, but once the mating fist swells inside you, it stays there until we’re finished. And—”

“I know,” Elise interrupted him. “And it takes a loooong time to finish. Isn’t that right?” She leaned closer to him, rubbing her breasts against his arm. Just the idea of having him in her like that, so thick and hard, was making her feel so hot and needy she wasn’t sure what she was going to do.

“Uh, yeah.” Merrick frowned and gave her a strange look. “Are you feeling all right tonight, Elise? You’re acting kind of…strange.”

“I’m fine!” she protested, sitting back in a hurry. In fact, she felt like she was going to go insane if she didn’t get some relief soon but she didn’t want to admit she’d overdosed on bonding fruit when Kat had specifically warned her not to. “I, uh…I’ll be in the bathroom,” she said, jumping up.

She closed herself in the bathroom and leaned against the door, trembling. A quick glance in the viewer showed her a girl with tousled black hair, wide eyes, and shaking hands. God, she was like a woman on a drug trip! Have to get this out of my system, she told herself and plunged her hand into her silky red shorts. Surely an orgasm would take the edge off…

Her pussy was so slick and wet and swollen just a few light strokes with the tips of her fingers were enough to send her flying over the edge. Elise moaned in surprised pleasure. Her therapist had been urging her to do this—to “reclaim her body” as she put it, but so far Elise had resisted. Now that she had no choice, she was relearning for the first time since her adolescence how pleasurable her own touch could be.

Pleasurable, but not enough, she realized, after the fifth time she brought herself over the edge. What the hell was wrong with her? When was this stuff ever going to wear out? Suddenly, Kat’s words echoed in her head… “You will need help getting over the effects,” she’d said. Elise cursed under her breath. She was going to have to tell Merrick—there was no way around it.

As though her thoughts had called to him, she heard him knocking on the bathroom door.

“Elise, are you all right?” He sounded worried. “You’ve been in there a long time.”

“I…I’m fine.” Elise smoothed her hair and tried to look normal as she stepped out of the bathroom, even though she felt so horny she could scream.

Merrick frowned at her, his nostrils flaring. “You’re sure you’re all right?”

“Uh-huh.” She looked down. “Only, well…I may have done something…something I shouldn’t have done.”

“What?” He smoothed a tendril of hair back from her face and looked at her anxiously. “What is it, baby? Just tell me—I won’t be mad.”

“Well, I…” When it came down to it, she found it hard to admit. “I got some bonding fruit from Kat.”

He frowned. “Why would you do that? I told you if we ever had bonding sex the compounds in my precum would help you stretch to take me.”

Just the thought of taking him inside her sent a fresh rush of lust through Elise and she shivered helplessly. “I…I know,” she murmured, crossing her arms over her breasts. “But I was hoping we would make love tonight and I thought it couldn’t hurt to have a little extra help. You’re really, uh, big—you know? And I don’t just mean your mating fist. All of you is pretty much extra-extra-large.”

“Yeah, well…” He shrugged. “But you still didn’t have to eat bonding fruit.” He frowned. “How much did you eat, anyway? You’re only supposed to take a few bites, aren’t you?”

Elise bit her lip. “Um, well, yes. That’s what you’re supposed to do. But Kat gave me three of them and they smelled so good, well…”

Merrick’s eyes widened. “You ate all of them. All three of them?”

Reluctantly, Elise nodded. “At first I didn’t feel anything so I thought I was immune. But now…” She gestured helplessly at herself. “I feel…God, Merrick, I feel like I’m burning up inside.”

“I’m not surprised.” He looked angry. “I’m going to have a word with Deep and Lock about this. That damn bonding fruit is fucking dangerous.”

“Not if you help me.” Elise put a hand on his arm. “Please, Merrick…”

He groaned softly. “Gods, baby, you’re putting me a really difficult position. I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You won’t,” she promised softly. “Please, just…I need…need something.”

“I know what you need.” Abruptly he scooped her up and carried her to the bed.

Elise looked at him uncertainly as he laid her down gently in the center of the huge bed, with her legs dangling off the edge. “What are you doing?”

“Taking the edge off.” Merrick knelt between her legs and began to caress her thighs gently with long, slow strokes. “I’ll get you through this, baby, I swear it,” he murmured.

“Thank you, Merrick.” She moaned softly as he kissed the inside of her knee. “I promise I didn’t mean to eat so much of that fruit. It just tasted really good.”

“I know something else that tastes good.” He raised an eyebrow at her and kissed the inside of her knee again. “Need to taste you, baby, need to eat your sweet, creamy pussy to try and help you feel better. Can you let me do that?”

Elise gripped the covers on either side of her. She’d never stopped thinking about how good having his tongue on her—inside her—had felt that last time he’d tasted her. But back then, she had been on top. Now she was lying helplessly on her back with Merrick between her legs.

“It’s okay,” he murmured, as though sensing her thoughts. “I’ll stay down here on the floor the whole time. Just spread your legs and let me taste you.”

“All…all right,” she whispered, her stomach fluttering with excitement and apprehension. She watched as he slowly pulled the red satin shorts down her legs and spread her thighs.

* * * * *

Merrick didn’t dive right in, though the Gods knew he wanted to. Just the sight of her soft little pussy, all open and bare for him, her plump cunt lips glistening with her juices, made his mouth water. But he wanted to be gentle, wanted to take things slowly.

In a way, he felt like Elise was a beautiful, delicate flower he’d found growing in a secluded meadow. If he wasn’t careful, he could easily trample that soft little flower beneath his big boot. He didn’t want to do that—he wanted to nourish it, to make it bloom. And that would take time and patience.

He stroked her legs first, getting her used to the feeling of his hands on her skin. It was a long time since he’d dared to touch her so intimately. He wanted her too badly—needed her too much—and he’d told himself there was no way he could have her.

Not taking her now, either, he told himself sternly as he stroked closer and closer to her inner thighs. Just going to take the edge off for her, help her get over that damn fruit she ate.

Elise moaned as he stroked the top of her mound, petting her soft nest of neatly trimmed curls. Gods, he loved her little pussy. It was so soft and warm and inviting. And her cunt honey was so sweet and salty and delicious. Merrick could go down on her all night if only she’d let him. And that might be exactly what he needed to do, if he was going to get her over the effects of the bonding fruit. He just hoped eating her would be enough because he was still determined there was no way in hell they were going any further than that.

“Easy now, baby,” he murmured as he pulled her a little closer to the edge of the bed. “Gonna kiss you now, just a little. Try and relax.”

“O…okay,” Elise whispered and he could hear the tension in her voice. Gods, he hoped she wasn’t reliving anything awful from her past. If only he could feel her emotions again, as he’d been able to back when they had the bond, he would have been able to tell. But he couldn’t—he just had to go slowly and hope he wasn’t scaring her.

“Just a little,” he whispered again and placed a soft, delicate kiss at the apex of her sex, right where her tight little slit began. Elise moaned softly as his breath stirred her curls and Merrick allowed himself a moment to breathe in her warm, feminine scent, rubbing his cheek against her mound, before kissing her again.

He went a little lower this time, placing a hot, open-mouthed kiss in the center of her glistening pussy lips. He could see just a hint of her little clit peaking out from between her pink folds and he let his tongue flick out, just barely caressing it in mid-kiss.

“Merrick!” His name on her lips was like a prayer. The desire in her voice sent a surge of lust straight to his cock. Gods, he wanted her so damn much, but he had to take this slowly.

“A little deeper now, baby,” he murmured, stroking her inner thighs, spreading her wider for him. “Need to kiss you a little deeper.” Gently, he parted her pussy lips with his thumbs, baring her inner cunt completely. He nearly groaned when he saw how hot and swollen her little clit was. Gods, the bonding fruit was really working on her—she needed this badly.

Carefully, he sucked her clit into his mouth and bathed it gently with his tongue. The warm wetness of her pussy juice coated his lips and the flavor of her honey exploded across his tongue. Merrick growled softly and licked deeper, spreading her folds with the tip of his tongue, lapping her sweet juice straight from the source. Fucking delicious. But he wanted more—needed more—and he sensed that Elise needed more too.

“Need to taste inside you, baby,” he murmured, looking up at her. “Need to put my tongue in your pussy.”

“Yes,” she whispered, her eyes meeting his. “Yes, Merrick—God, please!”

It was all the encouragement he needed. Pressing his face against her sweet mound, he slid his tongue deep into her tight, wet channel and began to thrust as hard as he could.

He wanted to simulate the feeling of a cock inside her, at least in part, because he knew that the bonding fruit would make her long for penetration. But when Elise began moaning and scratching at his shoulders, he knew she wasn’t far from the edge.

Just need to make her come, he told himself, increasing the speed of his thrusting, loving the feel of her thighs wrapped around his head. Just need to make her come and then she’ll be okay.

He hoped.

* * * * *

Elise couldn’t help herself—she was drowning in pleasure. And still it wasn’t enough.

Gasping, she grabbed at his shoulders as she felt his warm, wet tongue invade her, pushing even deeper into her channel. God, she was so close. But even though the feel of his mouth on her pussy was amazing, she still felt like she needed more.

As though sensing her need, Merrick withdrew his tongue and slipped two thick fingers deep inside her as he went back to lapping her clit. Elise cried out as the sudden change in sensation finally pushed her over the edge. Yes, this was what she needed—to be filled, to be fucked. But deeper. Thicker. Harder.

“That’s right, baby,” she heard Merrick rumble as he lapped her open pussy. “Come for me. Come hard all over my face.”

His dirty words brought on a second orgasm and she moaned, clenching around his invading fingers. At last when she was finished and the last spasm had rocked her body, Merrick looked up at her.

“Better now, baby?” he asked, looking at her with concern.

“Yes.” Elise bit her lip. “And no. I need…need more, Merrick. Please, can’t we just try—”

“No.” He got up abruptly and came to sit beside her on the bed. His lips were still shiny from her juices but his eyes were hard. “I told you, baby, we can’t risk that.”

“Please,” Elise pleaded softly. “It felt really good when you tasted me, Merrick, but I can’t help myself—I need more.”

“Gods, baby,” he groaned, putting an arm over his eyes. “You’re driving me crazy here.”

“Am I?” Feeling daring, Elise reached out to capture the hard length of his shaft, still imprisoned inside the black silk sleep-pants he wore.

Merrick gasped and grabbed her wrist. “Elise…”

“Please,” she whispered, squeezing the thick, hot bar of his cock gently in her fist. “Please, Merrick. What if we went really, really slowly. And what if I was on top—just like I was that first time I touched you? You know, when you let me handcuff you?”

At last the stubborn refusal on his face began to fade. “That did seem to work pretty well,” he admitted grudgingly. “You think maybe if you were in control…?”

“Yes!’ Elise nodded eagerly. “If you just sit there—maybe with your hands behind your back…”

“Okay.” He sighed. “We’ll try it. But I can’t promise to go all the way with it, baby. And…and even if we did…” He sighed.

“I know,” Elise said softly. “We won’t get our bond back. But please, Merrick—I just want to try.”

“You got it.” Slowly, as though trying not to startle her, he reached down and pulled his sleep pants off. Then he sat back against the headboard of the bed with his hands firmly behind his back. “I’m all yours, baby. Do what you want with me.”

The first thing Elise wanted to do was to explore, to relearn his big, muscular body and know it as she had the first time they’d really touched. Any fear she might have felt after the trauma she’d suffered with Charles was mitigated by the fact that Merrick was letting her take charge.

She crawled to the head of the bed and pressed herself against him, rubbing her bare breasts against his chest, loving the feel of his muscular warmth against her tight nipples.

Merrick groaned softly as she pressed closer, burying her face in his neck as she crushed her breasts against him. She could feel his muscular arms trembling, as though he longed to hold her, to touch and cup her soft breasts, but they stayed firmly behind his back. Clearly he was committed to letting her have complete control.

Leaning up, Elise kissed him, capturing his mouth with her own. She could taste her own essence on him, warm and sweet and salty and it sent a surge of lust straight through her. Gods, she tasted delicious on his mouth. Slipping her tongue between his lips, she tasted deeper, then delicately caressed the sharp tips of his fangs with her tongue, making Merrick groan again.

Her whole body vibrated with the low sound as she pressed against him, loving the feeling of being in charge, of doing whatever she wanted to the man she loved.

“Enjoying yourself, baby?” he murmured, giving her a small grin when she finally broke the kiss.

“Immensely,” she said, smiling back. “But I still want more.”

“Just be careful.” He gave her a concerned look. “Take it slow.”

“I am—can’t you tell?” Giving him another playful grin, Elise ran the tip of her tongue from the edge of his strong jaw, down the side of his throat, and over his muscular chest before capturing the flat, copper disk of one nipple between her teeth.

“Ow!’ Merrick complained, laughing as she nipped him gently. “I thought you only liked bonding fruit—didn’t know I was on the menu.”

“But you are.” Feeling even more daring, Elise lapped once more at this nipple and then continued to lick a long, ticklish line down his chest and rippling abdomen.

“Baby?” Merrick sounded uncertain. “What are you doing?”

Elise looked up and took his thick, throbbing shaft in her hand. “Exploring you. Tasting you the way you tasted me.”

“You don’t have to,” he murmured. “You know that, baby.”

“I know.” She gave him a cat-like smile and leaned down to place a soft, sucking kiss on the broad head of his cock. “But I want to.”

“Gods!” Merrick threw back his head and groaned as she explored the tiny slit in the head of his cock with the tip of her tongue. A small, salty droplet of precum appeared and she licked it up with relish. Delicious. She wondered if it would really help her stretch to take him in—all of him. Of course, she didn’t need to worry about that now, since she had the bonding fruit. And though Merrick wanted to take things slow and be careful, she was determined to go all the way.

She licked him some more, running her tongue over the broad, head of his cock and down the thick, velvety shaft. God, she loved how soft and hot his skin was here. How she could feel him throbbing in her hand when she wrapped her fingers around his cock. She wasn’t sure if it was the bonding fruit or the fact that she’d wanted to do this for so long, but she felt as though she’d shed all her fears and inhibitions. For the first time ever she felt completely free, and it was a wonderful, intoxicating feeling.

Suddenly, she couldn’t wait anymore. Sitting up, she straddled his hips and looked him in the eyes. “Merrick, I want to try it.”

“Baby…” He had a pained look in his mismatched eyes. “I don’t know…don’t know if you should.”

“It’s all right,” she assured him. “I swear it is—I’m not afraid.”

“Not now, you’re not,” he murmured darkly. “But what if you start being afraid later? I told you, Elise, there is a point of no return with me. I just don’t want you to get there and feel trapped.”

“I could never feel trapped with you,” she whispered, leaning forward to kiss him. “You make me feel so safe, Merrick. And I love it that you let me be in charge.”

He gave her a little half grin that exposed his fangs. “Yeah, I kinda get off on it too. Though it’s fucking hard to just sit here and not touch you when you’re torturing me with those soft little hands and that hot little mouth of yours.”

“I’m about to torture you some more.” Sitting back, Elise pulled her red tank top over her head, baring her breasts for him so that she was completely naked.

Merrick groaned, his gaze roving hungrily over her body. “Gods, baby, you don’t know what you do to me.”

“Yes I do. It’s the same thing you do to me.” She gave him a naughty smile.

He sighed. “I still don’t think we should do this.”

“I do. Let me try to convince you.” Leaning forward, she let her breasts brush gently against his face, loving the feel of her tight nipples against his rough cheeks. The prickly touch of his whiskers against her sensitive flesh sent shivers of pleasure down her spine.

“All you’re convincing me of is that you’re going to drive me crazy, a little bit at a time,” he complained, his deep voice raspy with lust.

A little bit, hmm? His words gave Elise an idea.

“Merrick,” she murmured. “I know you don't want to go all the way but what if we just tried putting the tip in? You know, just the head?”

He frowned. “I don’t know…”

“Just a little bit,” Elise continued hurriedly. “That way I could see how I felt about it. And we could take things nice and slow.”

“Well…” His eyes strayed to the place between her thighs and Elise knew he was imagining how it would feel to have her soft, slippery pussy envelope his cock.

“Please?” she murmured. Teasingly, she spread her legs wider, opening herself to give him a better view. God, she didn’t know where she was getting the courage to act like this but she liked being the aggressor. Maybe it was a side effect of the bonding fruit, or maybe she was reclaiming her body, using it for her own pleasure instead of it being used for anyone else’s. Whatever the reason, she had never felt so powerful in her life.

“All right.” Merrick caved at last. “But only the tip,” he warned. “No more. I don’t want you to get scared or hurt.”

“You could never hurt me,” Elise said softly. Then she moved back so that his thick cock was directly underneath her pussy. Grasping his shaft, she let the broad head slide over her heated clit, moaning at the bolt of pure pleasure the intimate contact sent through her body. Merrick groaned too and she could see that his eyes were still glued to the place where they were almost joined. Slowly, carefully, Elise slid his cock down until the broad crown was lodged just at the entrance to her body. Then, biting her lip in concentration, she pressed until just the tip slid inside her hot pussy.

The sensation was immediate and intense. In me—oh God, he’s in me! screamed a little voice in her head and for a moment Elise wasn’t sure if she was on fire with pleasure or completely freaked out. The old, bad memories wanted to intrude, the feelings of being invaded when she didn’t want to be, of being taken against her will. In the past she would have put those feelings and memories in the vault. But now the vault was gone and she had to find another way to deal with them.

Elise took a deep breath and closed her eyes. This is Merrick, she reminded herself calmly. He would never, ever hurt me. He loves me. And besides, I’m in charge here. I’m on top and calling the shots. Everything is going to be okay.

“Baby?” Merrick asked, his deep voice hoarse with worry. “Take it out if you can’t stand it,” he urged. “Don’t hurt yourself.”

“No.” Elise took another deep breath. “No, I’m okay. I just…had to deal with something for a minute.”

“You sure?” he looked at her anxiously.

“Positive,” Elise assured him. “In fact, I think I want to try some more.”

“I don’t know…” He frowned.

“I’m over the worst of it now,” Elise told him. “It just…took a little adjustment. Now I want all of you in me.”

Merrick shook his head. “Not all. Not yet. Maybe…half.”

“All right,” Elise agreed, willing to take what she could get. Slowly, she lowered herself down, letting his hot shaft slide deeper into her pussy. God, he was thick! She was glad she’d eaten the bonding fruit now. Forget about his mating fist, just letting his shaft fill her was stretching her to the limit! But she didn’t feel any pain, and the trauma she’d experienced when he first entered her was gone too. Now she only felt pleasure—the pleasure of being penetrated by the man she loved, of giving herself to Merrick, of letting him fill her. But she still needed more. “Merrick…” she whispered pleadingly.

Slowly, he nodded. “If you want to, baby. And if you’re really not scared.”

“I’m not,” Elise assured him. “I just want you in me—all of you.”

“All right then, sweetheart,” he growled softly. “Come down.”

With a little moan of pure pleasure, Elise let herself settle down on him completely. There was an even deeper stretching sensation as his thick shaft invaded her pussy and then she felt the broad head of his cock kiss the mouth of her womb and knew he was completely inside her…well, almost.

Looking down, she stroked the hard ridge around the base of his cock lightly with her fingertips. She could feel it throbbing against her, pressing against her sensitive clit and inner pussy. Could she really take that huge thing inside her? More importantly, did she even want to try?

Yes, Elise decided, still stroking the ridge. Yes, I do—so much. And I want to feel his fangs in me too. I want all of him—all of Merrick. And I want him to have all of me. Even if we aren’t able to form the bond again, I still want to experience bonding sex.

Merrick seemed to sense her thoughts because he was already shaking his head. “No, baby,” he said in a low, strangled voice. “No. There’s no coming back from that. I don’t want you to feel trapped, to not be able to get away from me.”

“Why would I want to get away?” Elise pressed against him, moaning softly as his cock sank even deeper into her pussy. It had seemed impossible before, but now she felt like she really was stretching to let him in. But she needed a little help. “Merrick,” she whispered, looking up at him. “Please.”

He sighed softly. “All right. But if we’re really going to do this, I need my hands free. Need to hold you by the hips in order to get all the way in you.”

“Yes.” Elise nodded. “Yes, go ahead. It’s okay.”

Slowly, he drew his hands out from behind his back and flexed his fingers. “Been hanging onto the damn headboard for dear life,” he explained when he saw her watching him. “Like I said, it’s fucking hard not to touch you when you’re teasing me like that.”

“Like this, you mean?” Elise raised herself, letting a few thick inches slide free of her pussy and then sat down hard, letting him thrust back in. They both groaned at the pleasurable sensation and Merrick nodded.

“Yeah. Like that.”

Slowly, gently, he put his hands on her hips and stroked up and down her sides and back. “Okay, baby? You’re sure you want to go through with this? If I slip my mating fist inside you, we’ll be locked together for a long time—possibly hours. Are you good with that?”

Elise bit her lip. Was she really prepared to make this commitment? To trust Merrick this much with her body? She didn’t even really need to ask—the answer was yes.

“It’s all right,” she told him, reaching out to cup his cheek. “I know…know you’d never hurt me. So yes, Merrick, I want this. Want you all the way inside me. Please.”

“If you say so, baby. But come here.” He adjusted their position, sitting up a little against the headboard and drawing her closer to him. “Hold on to me,” he commanded softly. “And look in my eyes. I want to watch you while I do this. While I take you completely.”

Elise looked into his eyes—that lovely, mismatched set of blue and gold that had meant safety and love to her right from the start. She felt the stretching sensation again and moaned softly as her body opened for his. But there was no fear as she spread for him, no pain as she gave her self completely, spreading her thighs for his welcome invasion. This was an act of love, pure and simple. And by taking her so slowly and gently, Merrick was wiping away all the earlier, bad memories she had of this act. Wiping them away and replacing them with beautiful memories, feelings of love and trust instead of hurt and terror and betrayal. There was no room for bad emotions here—there was only the bliss of being one with her man and it was the best feeling Elise had ever known.

“Merrick,” she whispered softly, as he finally slipped all the way inside her, mating fist and all. “Oh, Merrick, yes.”

“Gods, baby, you’re so beautiful. So gorgeous, taking all of me this way.” His voice was hoarse with emotion and he cradled her carefully against him, not moving a muscle until he was sure she was all right, was used to his deep invasion.

“It feels amazing,” Elise murmured, leaning in to kiss him. “But can you, you know, thrust like this?”

Merrick gave her a lazy smile. “It’s more of a slow grind, if you know what I mean. You want me to show you?”

“You have to ask?” Elise wiggled her hips, causing some very pleasurable friction between them and they both moaned. “Show me, Merrick.”

“You asked for it, baby.” Pulling her forward, he kissed her again as he began a long, slow ride that Elise knew she would never forget. The feeling of him inside her, so thick and hot and hard was incredible, more pleasurable than she ever would have dreamed possible. She caught his rhythm and began moving her hips in time, meeting and matching his thrusts as they kissed, joined both above and below.

"Gods," Merrick groaned as he rolled his hips up, filling her with thrust after deep, delicious thrust. "Your pussy's so tight and sweet, baby. Feels so right wrapped around me."

"It…it feels right to me too," Elise admitted breathlessly. "I didn't…I never knew it could feel like this. That it could feel so good."

"It's good because it's an act of love," Merrick growled softly. "Sliding my cock deep into your hot pussy is the deepest, most intimate way I can show you how much I love you. How much I need you, baby." He kissed her gently. "And it's the same for you. Spreading your thighs for me and letting me in, taking all of my shaft deep inside—I can't tell you how loved that makes me feel. How privileged I am to have you as my female."

"Oh, Merrick…" His sweet, hot words along with the slow, pumping pleasure of his thrusts inside her were an overwhelming combination. Elise almost wanted to cry with the outpouring of tender emotion but at the same time, she could feel her pleasure building, taking her to new heights of ecstasy she'd never reached before.

She was almost at the point of no return and she could sense that Merrick was close too. She pulled back to look at him and was startled by the expression in his eyes—it was a look of need so intense it was almost pain.

“Merrick?” she asked anxiously. “Are you all right?”

“I’m really…really close. Makes me want to bite you.” He bared his fangs, which had grown even longer and sharper that Elise ever remembered seeing them. “But I don’t want to hurt you, baby.”

The fangs were scary, and for a moment Elise hesitated. Then she remembered Sophie’s promise that the bite would be more pleasurable than painful. And besides, she wanted the whole experience—every single bit.

“All right,” she murmured. Reaching up, she pulled her hair to one side, baring her throat. “Do it, Merrick. Bite me,” she urged.

He frowned. “You’re sure?”

Elise nodded firmly. “I want all of you in me. No, I need all of you in me.”

Her words seemed to set something loose inside him—something he’d been holding back for fear of hurting her. With a low growl, he pulled her closer, bared his fangs and bit.

Elise gasped and went completely rigid when the hard, sharp points first pierced her flesh. Then something seemed to happen—her entire body was flooded with pleasure—a pleasure so intense she almost couldn’t stand it. It was like orgasm after orgasm, and she could feel Merrick coming too, right along with her. Hard, hot spurts deep inside her bathed her inner pussy with his seed and made her come even harder, gasping and crying his name as the incredibly intense sensations went on and on and on…

Oh God, so good! Can’t…can’t stand much more! she thought, her back arching as Merrick moved within her, still thrusting up into her pussy to plant his seed deep.

“You want me to stop?” whispered a low, familiar voice in her head.

“Yes…no…I don’t know. I just don’t know how much more I can take!” Elise sent back, without thinking about it.

“The first time is always intense—that’s what I’ve heard, anyway. Never had bonding sex with anyone before now.”

“No, I guess n—” “Oh!” Elise gasped aloud. Her eyes flew open just and she looked up just as Merrick withdrew his fangs from her neck. “Merrick,” she whispered in a trembling voice. “Did you…did you just…”

“Talk inside your head?” He grinned at her, his eyes still lazy with desire. “Yeah,” he said out loud. “Guess I did.”

“And I heard you. And you heard me—didn’t you?” Elise demanded.

He nodded. “Loud and clear, baby.”

“So then…does this mean…” She was almost too afraid to hope. “Is our bond back?”

“Not like before,” Merrick said, frowning.

“Oh.” Elise was crestfallen. “Oh, then…”

“Better than before.” He grinned at her. “It’s a good healthy bond this time—I’d bet my life on it. Though we should probably get checked out by Sylvan, just to be on the safe side.”

“But…but I don’t understand,” Elise said uncertainly. “How could this happen? I thought with you being a hybrid…”

Merrick shrugged. “I don’t know. A gift from the Goddess, maybe.”

Elise frowned. “I thought you didn’t believe in the Goddess. Or didn’t care for her much, anyway.”

“That was before,” he said seriously. “Who do you think healed me and sent me back to you, baby?”

“Oh.” Elise nodded, understanding. “Then we should give thanks!”

“We are, in our way.” His hips rolled up in a deep thrust, making her gasp, reminding her they were still joined. “The Goddess is pleased by the pleasure of those she puts together,” he murmured, smiling at her. “And she definitely meant you for me.”

“And you for me,” Elise told him, rather breathlessly. “Forever.”

“Yes, baby.” He kissed her again and then gave her another long, deep thrust. “And forever starts right now.”

Chapter Forty-six

“So I’ve finally figured out what Minverna was up to.” Nadiah had a frown on her face which worried Lissa.

“What was it?” she asked, picking her steps carefully as she walked the long, winding road to the temple hidden inside the holy mountain. Though she’d been on First World for three years, the dark, circuitous path could still trip her up if she wasn’t careful.

“She—ow!” Nadiah stumbled and Lissa just managed to save her by grabbing her arm.

“Be careful, my Lady!”

“Thanks.” Nadiah rubbed her shin. “I don’t see why we have to keep the path to the temple so dark,” she complained. “It’s really a safety hazard.”

“There used to be glows on the walls to light the way,” Lissa said. “But they burned out and Minverna wouldn’t replace them. She always said the path to enlightenment ought to be dark so that pilgrims who came to us could better appreciate the beauty of the temple.” She cleared her throat. “But I believe she simply didn’t want to spend the credit to have them replaced.”

“That sounds in line with what I’ve found out about her,” Nadiah said grimly.

“What did you find out?” Lissa wanted to know. By now they had left the winding road and passed into the huge natural cavern which housed the temple.

“We’re here now,” Nadiah said, nodding at the temple’s many steps which led up to the Seat of Wisdom. “I’ll tell you when I tell everyone else. Rast has to know too. And Saber, of course.”

“Saber?” Lissa’s heart started beating double time. “Is he still here? I…I thought he was going back to Tarsia today.”

“He stayed at Rast’s request. We’re still deliberating what to do about Draven, and since Rast is tied to First World, he needs someone else who can act as an ambassador to the Kindred Mother Ship. Viewscreen communication is wonderful but it can be kind of patchy this far out. And Rast wants someone actually there, to gauge the reactions of the Kindred Council.”

“I see.” Lissa looked down at her feet as they mounted the steps. “I wonder how the Kindred High Council will feel about having one of the banned Touch Kindred as an ambassador aboard the Mother Ship?”

Nadiah shrugged. “Rast says they’ll have to get over it. He doesn’t have anyone else he can send, and he likes Saber. There aren’t many males here, you know, and he and your, uh, brother have really ‘hit it off’ as my friend, Sophia says.”

“They hit each other?” Lissa asked, horrified. “Is that some kind of male bonding thing?”

Nadiah laughed. “No, no—it’s an expression that means they got along well right from the start. They like each other’s company.”

“Oh.” Lissa felt a measure of relief. “I see.”

They climbed silently for a few moments and Lissa kept her eyes fixed on the steps going ever upward, as though being careful not to trip. In fact, she had climbed them so often she could have managed the temple stairs blindfolded, but she didn’t want to risk meeting Saber’s gaze when they reached the top of the dais.

They hadn’t spoken since the awkward incident in her room, where his crewmember had caught them holding hands, and that was the way Lissa wanted to keep it. Touching Saber—asking for his touch—had been terribly wrong. She had chastised herself for her impropriety and tried to put the incident from her mind, but still she found it impossible to forget the warmth of his hands around hers.

I won’t make the same mistake twice, she told herself sternly. It would be better if he just flew home to Tarsia and we never saw each other again. The idea made her heart sink down to her simple woven sandals but she knew it was true. Better to have Saber half the universe away than to give in to the terrible temptation to transgress she felt every moment in his presence.

“Whew—so many steps!” Nadiah murmured at last. “I never have to worry about keeping my figure around here—not as long as we have to climb up and down these every day.”

“I suppose.” Lissa nodded, still looking down. But the next moment, she was forced to look up.

“Lysell Nadiah. High Priestess Lissa, welcome.” Councilor Rast’s deep voice filled the chamber.

“Councilor.” Lissa bowed deeply and rose, directing her gaze to the Seat of Wisdom where he sat, his iridescent wings extended and the Eye of Foreknowledge held in one hand. The Seat of Wisdom was on a raised platform and Nadiah had to climb more steps to stand beside her mate. Saber stood patiently to the left side of the throne, looking up, an unreadable expression on his handsome face. Lissa came and stood on the right side, being careful to keep a safe distance between them.

“I’ve called you all here for a council of war,” Councilor Rast said, his truegreen eyes flashing. “We’ve had word from the Mother Ship that Draven has attacked another Kindred—Merrick, the hybrid who was here on a pilgrimage not that long ago.”

“Oh, no!” Lissa put a hand to her mouth involuntarily.

“Was anyone hurt? Wasn’t he traveling with the AllFather’s last victim?” Nadiah asked.

“Elise. Yes—they managed to get away—barely,” Rast said grimly. “Apparently Draven is trying to get his hands on a wormhole generator—a ship that can create rips in the space-time continuum at will.”

“A ship like that would be a great tactical advantage,” Saber remarked quietly. “The commander who owned a fleet of such ships could put his army anywhere he wanted to at any given time.”

“That’s exactly what we’re afraid of,” Rast said, frowning. “And that’s the message I need you, Saber, to carry to the Kindred High Council.”

“I will do my best to repeat your words faithfully and represent both First World and Tarsia with honor.” Saber bowed.

“I know you will.” Rast nodded. “But I don’t like to send you without some ideas to present to the Council. What can we do about the Hoard? How were they defeated before, back in my father’s time?”

Nadiah spoke up. “I have some news about that.” She turned to her mate. “As you know, I have been searching the temple library for weeks, looking for the earliest scrolls—the ones that described the period in history when your father, Kall, fought and defeated the Hoard.”

He nodded. “And?”

Nadiah sighed. “I am afraid those records are all missing. They have been sold.”

“What?” Rast gave her a startled look. “Sold? By who? And to who?”

“Sold by Minverna.” Nadiah shook her head. “Apparently before her death she’d been pilfering the library for some time, selling some of the temple’s most ancient records and artifacts to collectors in the Ganda system.”

Lissa's stomach dropped and her cheeks felt like they were on fire. My fault! It’s my fault Minverna felt free to do such things. If only I had been a better high priestess, if only I had kept a better eye on her instead of letting her intimidate me, she never would have been able to get away with it! she thought, feeling sick.

Councilor Rast frowned, clearly missing Lissa’s reaction to the news. “But why would anyone outside First World have any interest in our past?”

Nadiah shrugged. “Apparently any kind of memorabilia from the ‘Hoard Wars,’ as people call them, is extremely valuable. Minverna made a very tidy sum which she stored in an off-planet account.”

“Well did you at least find out who bought them?” Rast demanded. “We need to get them back! If we can find out how my father defeated this bastard, we might stand a fighting chance of beating him ourselves—before it’s too late.”

“I narrowed it down to several collectors—apparently Minverna sold to more than one individual.” Nadiah unfolded a scrap of parchment and handed the list to Rast. “They all live on Yonnie Six, as far as I can tell.”

“Yonnie Six?” Saber frowned. “I know of that world. It’s a matriarchal society, made up of extremely wealthy, sensation seeking females.” He bowed to Rast. “My Challa, I would offer to go there as your emissary to try and buy or bargain for your lost scrolls, but I fear it wouldn’t do any good. The Yonites hold males in the lowest esteem, deeming them worthy only to do manual labor or act as body-slaves.”

Lissa took a deep breath. “I’ll go.”

“What?” Nadiah looked startled.

Lissa took a step forward, her heart pounding. “It’s my fault those scrolls were stolen in the first place,” she said. “I should have been keeping a closer watch on Minverna. Instead, I left her to her own devices, allowing her to intimidate me because she had been my superior for so long. So I’ll go to Yonnie Six. I’ll pose as a wealthy female of means—someone interested in buying antiquities. I can work my way through the list of collectors Minverna sold to and find the one who bought the scrolls.”

Councilor Rast raised an eyebrow at her. “And what if you find them and whoever bought them doesn’t want to give them up?”

Then…” She took a deep breath. “I’ll steal them. I’ll do whatever I have to in order to recover the scrolls but I swear to you, my Challa, I will bring them home to First World.”

“High Priestess,” Councilor Rast said formally. “I want you to know that we do not hold you responsible for the theft of the scrolls.”

“No, but I do.” Lissa lifted her chin. “And I will be the one to recover them.”

“Not alone, you won’t.” Saber stepped forward. “I’ll go with her.”

“What? No!” Lissa exclaimed before she could stop herself. “We can’t…you shouldn’t…”

“Shouldn’t what?” Saber frowned at her. “Shouldn’t protect my little sister? For all that it’s a matriarchal society, Yonnie Six is a dangerous place, Lissa. If your deception is discovered, you could be in grave danger.”

“I don’t like the sound of that.” Nadiah frowned. “Maybe I should go instead.”

“Oh, no you don’t!” Rast frowned at her. “I can’t go with you to protect you—I’m tied to this planet, remember? And you’re not going anywhere without me, sweetheart.”

“Well I don’t think we should be putting Lissa in danger either,” Nadiah protested. “We shouldn’t ask anyone to do something we wouldn’t do ourselves.”

“My Lady,” Saber said, bowing to Nadiah. “We are well aware that you and Councilor Rast would go on this mission if you could. But as he points out, Rast is bound to this planet. And he could not rule effectively if he was worried for your safety.”

Nadiah frowned, clearly not convinced. “Well how are you going to protect Lissa? I thought you said they looked down on males there and thought they were only worthy to do hard labor.”

“Or to act as body-slaves,” Lissa reminded her faintly.

“Exactly.” Saber nodded. “I will pretend to be Lissa’s body-slave.” He looked thoughtful. “Actually, having me act as her slave will be a good thing—it will lend credibility to her disguise. No respected female of wealth and title would be caught anywhere without her trusty body-slave.”

Rast nodded. “It sounds like a good idea to me.” He looked at Nadiah. “Well, sweetheart? What do you think?”

She sighed. “I guess if we have to send Lissa into danger, I would feel better knowing she has someone who cares for her to protect her.”

Lissa felt her cheeks growing hot again. This was really going to happen—Saber was going to come with her all the way to the Ganda system if she didn’t find a way to stop it. She imagined them stuck together in a cramped little ship, unable to keep out of each other’s way, unable to help brushing against each other, touching… “Indeed,” she said loudly, stepping forward again. “I, uh, greatly appreciate Saber’s kind offer, but it is really not necessary.”

“Oh yes it is,” Councilor Rast growled. “Call me a sexist pig if you want, but you’re a woman with no special weapons training and you’re going to a distant, dangerous planet. I don’t want you going in there without backup. Saber goes with you, or I’ll find someone else to retrieve the scrolls.”

“I’m sorry, Lissa, but I have to agree with Rast on this one,” Nadiah said apologetically. “I don’t like the idea of you so far from home all by yourself, either. Especially if it’s going to be dangerous.”

Lissa felt a knot forming in her stomach but she nodded submissively anyway—what else could she do? “Of course, my Challa, my Lysell. Thank you both for your concern.”

“I’ll take good care of her, Councilor Rast,” Saber added, casting a sidelong glance at Lissa. She glanced back and then looked away, refusing to meet his eyes. “Very good care of her,” Saber said.

“I know you will, Saber. We’re lucky to have you on our side.” Rast smiled at him. “So it’s settled—the two of you need to go to the Mother Ship first and give my message to the Kindred High Council. After that, you’re going to Yonnie Six to get those scrolls back any way you can.”

Lissa and Saber bowed together. “Yes, Councilor,” Lissa murmured.

“All right then.” Rast clapped his hands together. “I guess we’re all done here. Lissa, Saber—go get packed.”

Lissa nodded once more and turned to go. She kept her face impassive but her stomach was churning. All alone with Saber for who knew how long? Goddess, what was she going to do? How could she possibly hide her feelings and keep herself from breaking the strict taboos of her people?

“You’ll be all right.” Nadiah skipped down the steps that led up to the Seat of Wisdom and joined her. “And don’t worry about the Mother Ship—I’ll call ahead and tell my friend Sophie and her kin that you’re coming. You’re just going to love them, Lissa—they’re the sweetest girls you’d ever want to meet.”

“Thank you, my Lady,” Lissa murmured dully. “I—” But suddenly her path was blocked by Saber’s tall form.

“My Lady Nadiah,” he said, inclining his head to Nadiah formally. “If you please, I would like a word with my little sister.”

“Of course.” Nadiah frowned. “Although maybe you should just call her your friend. Or maybe your clanswoman or something like that? Something that doesn’t sound quite so…I don’t know, familial.”

“But we are family, by the laws of our people, my Lady,” Saber murmured. “And that is what I wish to speak to Lissa about.”

“Of course. I’m sorry.” Nadiah stepped aside. “I’ll see you later, Lissa.”

Lissa wanted to hold on to her friend, to beg Nadiah not to go and leave her alone with Saber. But before she could form the words, the Lysell was gone, running lightly down the steep temple steps to join the Challa who had glided down, using his wings. Lissa was all alone with Saber, with no choice but to finally speak to him.

“Saber—” she began but he cut her off.

“I know you’ve been avoiding me, Lissa, and I know why, too.”

“What?” Her eyes flew wide and she looked at him guiltily. “What do you mean?”

“You know what I mean,” Saber said quietly. “We haven’t spoken since that day in your room when I held your hands.”

“Saber!” Though she knew they were alone, Lissa couldn’t help looking around to make sure no one could hear his scandalous admission. “Please,” she said. “That…that was a mistake. I should never have asked…”

“Don’t blame yourself,” he said, looking at her steadily with those gold-flecked eyes she found it so hard not to fall into. “I wanted your touch as much as you wanted mine.”

“Saber!” Her cheeks were so hot Lissa was certain she would go up in flames at any minute. “You mustn’t talk like that,” she hissed. “We’re of the same clan! You’re my brother!”

“And you’re my cherished little sister who I am sworn to protect,” he said softly. “And nothing more. I want you to know, Lissa, that you don’t have to worry about anything…improper happening between us. I’ll guard you with my life but I will not touch you. Or Touch you, either, I swear.”

Lissa heard the emphasis he placed on the word “Touch” and knew what he meant. Saber was promising to keep his distance, both physically and mentally, from her. A part of her felt relief at his promise. But another part—a part she’d striven to bury deep and never think about—felt an unutterable sadness.

He’s my brother in all but blood, she reminded herself. It’s good that he’s promising this. Good that he’s swearing not to lay a finger—not even a whisper-finger—on me. So then why did it make her feel so sad?

Lissa didn’t know. She pushed the useless emotion ruthlessly away and nodded at Saber. “Thank you for your promise, my brother. I feel better about going on this mission with you now.”

“Of course.” He inclined his head and turned away. But before he did, Lissa thought she saw a sorrow shadowing his golden-flecked eyes. A sorrow so deep there were no words to express it.

Chapter Forty-seven

“So you got your bond back after all! Oh, Elise, I couldn’t be happier for you.” Olivia grinned at her ecstatically.

All the girls were all gathered in Elise and Merrick’s new suite for brunch. It hadn’t exactly been a planned event but Elise had been too happy about her new bond not to share the news. And when Olivia had heard, she’d declared a celebration.

“Liv is so happy for you she’d jump up and down and hug you—if she could just get off the couch,” Kat said dryly. “But she’s too busy being extremely pregnant and eating creamed-spinach-and-strawberry waffles at the moment.”

“You be quiet.” Liv shook a finger at her friend sternly. “You’re going to pay for all these little comments when you get preggers yourself, you know.”

“Can’t do that until I get married, doll.” Kat winked at her.

“And she can’t get married until she works up the guts to tell her grandma she’s meeting two grooms at the altar instead of one,” Sophie, who was working the waffle iron, said.

“Look who’s talking about guts,” Kat remarked. “When are you taking that pregnancy test, Sophie?”

“Actually, I already took it,” Sophia said calmly.

“What?” they all gasped in unison.

“When?” asked Lauren.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Olivia demanded.

“What was the result?” Elise chimed in.

“I don’t know yet.” Sophie looked uncertain. “I had Sylvan run it last night on the little machine he brought home but he said the results were inconclusive. So he took some more blood and he’s running it again at the med center today.”

“Inconclusive?” Liv frowned. “How can it be inconclusive? Either you’re pregnant or you’re not.”

“I don’t know.” Sophie looked worried. “I wish I did.”

“Oh Sophie, I'm sorry.” Kat rose and went to put an arm around her. “Are you going to be okay?”

“Yes, I’m fine.” Sophia nodded bravely. “Sylvan told me not to worry—he said everything was fine, he just…said he needed a second opinion.” She sniffed and straightened her shoulders. “But we’re not here to talk about me. I want to know how Elise got her bond with Merrick back. I thought it was supposed to be impossible since he’s a hybrid.”

“We really don’t know,” Elise said, putting down her mug of hot klava, a coffee-like drink that was popular aboard the Mother Ship. “We didn’t really have any indication, it just…well, it just happened when we, you know…”She blushed.

“And did the bonding fruit do the trick?” Kat asked, grinning.

Elise nodded. “Only I ate too much of it. I, uh, sort of overdosed. Even though you told me not to.”

“Oh, no!” Lauren put a hand to her mouth. “I did that once and I had poor Xairn up half the night trying to, uh, put out the fire, so to speak.”

Elise laughed. “Well to be honest, we only got about two or three hours sleep last night. But other than being a little sleepy, I feel great.”

“Of course you do,” Kat said dryly. “Having amazing bonding sex all night long can have that effect on a girl.”

Elise gave a satisfied sigh. “If I’d known it could be that wonderful and that we would get our bond back, I would have tried the bonding fruit a long time ago.”

“Well, maybe you weren’t quite ready,” Liv said tactfully. “And besides, how could you know?”

“I couldn’t, I guess.” Elise smiled. “It just goes to prove that dreams do come true sometimes.” She shivered. “Kind of like those weird dreams I had about Merrick back when I thought he was gone.”

“Wait a minute—what?” Olivia looked at her intently. “Say that again, Elise. What exactly did you dream?”

“Well…” Looking around, Elise saw that all eyes were fixed on her. “I just dreamed about him doing…what he was doing, I guess. You know, he was being held captive by that horrible Draven person, and I saw him…saw him torturing Merrick. But I also saw Merrick working, building the part for the ship Draven wanted so badly.”

“The wormhole generator, yes, Baird told me.” Liv nodded eagerly. “Go on.”

“And I saw him dead.” Elise swallowed a lump in her throat. “Or I thought I did, anyway. He was horribly wounded and he was just lying there…”

“Okay, so tell me this…” There was a suppressed excitement in Olivia’s silvery grey eyes Elise didn’t understand. “What was Merrick doing all that time, during the three days you spent in the med center?”

“Well…” Elise frowned. “As a matter of fact, I haven’t thought about it until now but we talked about it some and I think he was pretty much doing the things I dreamed about. Even the last dream was true—he told me he came really close to death but he was brought back just for me.”

“I knew it!” Liv nearly shouted.

“Dream sharing!” Sophie cried at the same time.

“You were dream-sharing!” the sisters said together.

Elise frowned. “What’s dream sharing?”

“It’s the first sign that you and your Kindred are meant to bond,” Kat explained. “You both dream of each other doing your day-to-day activities—or that’s how it’s supposed to go, anyway. It can take a lot of different forms.”

“I couldn’t stop painting pictures of Sylvan,” Sophie said. “I mean, he kept popping up in my art, no matter how I tried to leave him out.”

Lauren shrugged. “Don’t look at me—Xairn and I didn’t do that. I guess because he’s more Scourge than Kindred.”

“I did with my guys,” Kat said, looking serious for once. “I saw Deep take my pain on himself and believe me, it wasn’t pretty.”

“Baird told me the dreams he had of me were the only thing that kept him sane when he was captured by the AllFather,” Olivia said quietly. She looked at Elise. “So…did Merrick have any dreams of you during that time when you were apart?”

Elise frowned. “I don’t know. Honestly, I don’t think he slept very much—Draven was pushing him so hard to get the ship ready and he was also building a bomb on the side.” She gave a little laugh. “Nobody can say my man can’t multitask.”

“Kindred are good at all kinds of multitasking, believe me.” Kat gave her a wink. “But I bet you’re already finding that out for yourself.”

Elise blushed. “Yes, you could say that.” She shook her head. “So all the time I could have known that Merrick was alive and we would be able to re-bond if only I’d been brave enough to tell you about my dreams, Liv.”

“That’s okay, hon.” Olivia smiled at her. “You’re still getting used to having friends you can trust. Believe me, pretty soon you’ll be telling us everything. We don’t have any secrets here.”

“Oh yes we do—I have a big one.” Sophie beamed and flipped another waffle onto a plate already piled high with them.

“Well?” Kat put a hand on her hip. “What is it? Spill.”

“I got a call from Nadiah on First World and she’s sending us some new friends,” Sophie explained. “One of them is Lissa—the priestess girl I told you all about that I met on First World."

"You mean the one that was lost in the desert?" Liv asked.

Sophie nodded. "Uh-huh. They found her and she's doing fine. But that's not the best part—the other person coming aboard is one of the Touch Kindred."

“Really? A Touch Kindred?” Lauren frowned. “I thought they were banned from the Mother Ship.”

Sophie shrugged. “Apparently Rast told the Council they’ll have to deal with it—Rast is tied to his home planet so this Touch Kindred is acting as First World’s ambassador to the Mother Ship.”

“Hmm, I wonder how the Council likes that?” Kat murmured, raising an eyebrow.

“That’s not even the most exciting part, though.” Sophie smiled. “He and Lissa are going on a mission to the Ghana system and Lissa is going to pretend to be some kind of rich heiress. It’s all very hush-hush.”

“If it’s so hush-hush then why did Nadiah tell you all about it?” Liv asked skeptically.

Sophie sighed. “Because she wants us to help get Lissa ready. See, Lissa is this sweet subservient little priestess and Nadiah’s afraid she won’t be able to assert herself enough to make her act believable.”

“Lessons in self assertion—can do.” Kat smiled. “We’ll have her acting like the Queen of Sheba in no time.”

“Maybe they should ask you to go, Kat,” Lauren remarked. “You wouldn’t need any lessons at all.”

“Ha-ha.” Kat made a face at her friend. “Very funny.” Then she looked more closely at Lauren. “Hey, are you all right? You look like you got less sleep than Elise did and that’s saying something.”

Lauren frowned. “I’m fine, but Xairn was having bad dreams again last night. He woke me up shouting two or three times and I had a hard time getting back to sleep.”

“Oh no,” Liv said sympathetically. “Was he dreaming about your clone again?”

Lauren sighed and looked troubled. “I don’t know—he won’t say.” She blushed. “At least things are back on track in the bedroom, though.”

“Well, as long as that’s good, everything else will fall into place eventually,” Kat said consolingly.

“I think you’re right,” Lauren agreed. “I just hope he gets over whatever this is before the baby is born. I don’t need two people waking me up over and over in the middle of the night.”

“Amen to that,” Liv said fervently. “In fact—”

But her words were interrupted by Sylvan’s sudden entrance. “Excuse me, ladies,” he said formally, standing in the middle of the room with one hand behind his back. “I hope you don’t mind me interrupting your time together, but I need to speak to my mate.”

“Honey,” Sophia left the waffle iron and came out from behind the counter to go to him. “Is everything okay?” she asked. “Why didn’t you just bespeak me?”

“Because I wanted to do this in person—to see the look on your face when you found out.”

Sophie was suddenly white and trembling. “What? When I found out what?”

“I can’t tell you, so I’ll just show you…this.” Drawing his hand out from behind his back, Sylvan presented her with a small, perfectly formed blue flower.

“Oh! Oh, Sylvan!” Sophie’s face went from white to flushed in an instant. “A boy! We’re going to have a boy!”

“And a girl,” Sylvan said softly, and produced a second flower, this one just as perfectly and delicately formed, but a pale, lovely pink.

“Oh my God—twins!” Olivia was struggling to get off the couch. “Sophie’s going to have twins! Quick, somebody help me up so I can go hug her!”

Laughing, Elise did as she asked, hauling the very pregnant Liv to her feet so she could grab her sister for a big hug. She had to wait for a moment, though, because Sophia was enfolded in her husband’s arms, trembling with joy. Elise thought that both their eyes looked suspiciously wet and she couldn’t help feeling happy for them—clearly they were going to make wonderful parents to the two little sparks of life Sophie was carrying inside her.

“Oh, Sylvan,” Sophia whispered at last, when they finally broke apart. “Two of them—we’re so blessed!”

“Blessed beyond measure,” he agreed, grinning.

And then Olivia said, “Come here, you! My turn.” She hugged her sister and murmured, “I told you so! I knew you were pregnant.”

“I think I did too.” Sophie sniffed and wiped tears of joy from her eyes. “I was just so afraid to find out for sure. I’m glad I finally got the nerve to do the test though.”

“I am too.” Liv laughed. “I was nearly ready to come jab you with a needle myself if you waited much longer.”

Lauren joined the conversation and the three pregnant friends went on talking babies until Elise began to feel a little left out. Suddenly, someone hooked an arm through hers and she turned in surprise to see Kat standing there.

“Well,” she said with a sigh. “There’s going to be no living with them now. I’ve already been putting up with Liv’s weird cravings for seaweed and God knows what else and Lauren always wanting raw meat. Who knows what Sophie’s going to want?” She shook her head. “Well, whatever it is, I’m sure we’ll manage it somehow.”

“We?” Elise looked at her uncertainly.

“Oh yeah, doll.” Kat smiled at her affectionately. “You’ve been officially drafted into the non-pregnancy club. As of right now, you and I are the only members.” She gave Elise a mock glare. “You are in, aren’t you? You’re not going to bail on me and get knocked up too, are you?”

“Not right now,” Elise promised, smiling at her. “For right now, I just want to enjoy spending time with Merrick and working on our bond.”

Kat breathed a sigh of relief. “Whew, I’m so glad! I don’t know what I would have done if I was the only non-pregnant one around here. Somebody has to keep their sanity with all the baby hormones running around.”

“Well, I’m here for you.” Elise grinned at her. “Until I start hearing my biological clock ticking, anyway.”

“Put it on snooze,” Kat advised her. “And just so you know, we’re here for you too. Any time.”

“Thanks.” Elise smiled, feeling the warmth that good friends and a good relationship could bring. It was a new feeling, but one she wanted to keep for a long, long time. And I think I will, she told herself, looking around fondly at the other girls laughing and talking together.

The vault was broken and the past was out but somehow it hadn’t killed her—somehow, Elise wasn’t sure how—facing her past had made her stronger. She was no longer just skimming the surface of life. Now, for the first time in years, she was actually living it. And though the dark memories of the past still hurt sometimes, she had faith that she would make brighter, happier memories with Merrick and her new friends in the days to come.

Elise had finally come home.

END

Epilogue

Draven tossed from one side of his sumptuous tyber fur-lined mattress to other, his head whipping back and forth as a strangled moan rose from his lips.

“No…” he whispered, his face tight with pain. “No! I will not…I can not…”

“Master?” An imp who stood at the foot of his bed watched anxiously as Draven’s nightmare continued. “Master?” it said again and pawed lightly at an exposed foot. “Please, if you would just wake…”

At last the Hoard Master sat straight up in bed with a shout, his muscular chest heaving. His own voice woke him and he looked around the dim room, blinking and momentarily confused.

“Glorin, where are you? What have they done to—” His eyes caught the anxious imp and he stopped talking abruptly.

A dream. It was just another blasted dream!

The realization enraged Draven. He raked a hand through his black hair, his silver eyes blazing. By the seven hells—he was over a thousand years old and soulless. He should be free of such nocturnal nuisances!

“It’s that damn skrillix venom,” he growled to himself, wrapping a planka down coverlet around himself. “Never should have stuck myself with that damned thorn!”

He’d believed himself to be immune to the pain vine’s hideous effects, but ever since he’d exposed himself to it, the dreams had been his nightly visitors. Draven didn’t know why it affected him differently than others, but it did. Instead of instantly giving him terrible visions, the venom seemed content to work its way out of his system slowly, a little at a time. Which of course only prolonged the agony.

He didn’t like what the dreams showed him. They showed him…before. Never a good place to look, as far as Draven was concerned.

Sighing, he gave up the idea of more sleep for the night and got out of bed to wander nude, around the room. He enjoyed sleeping naked—mostly because his mattress and sheets were made of only the finest materials from worlds the Hoard had despoiled. It was quite satisfying, he found, to sleep on the skins of your enemies. It had a certain…poetic appeal.

But tonight he had other things besides sleep on his mind.

He supposed he could always go and oversee the work in the flight lab, but he didn’t really care about that anymore. Since that damned hybrid had escaped, the Kindred would know he was trying to duplicate wormhole technology and they would be prepared for any attack.

For any military attack, that is.

The thought stopped Draven dead in his tracks. After all, military attacks were so crude, so simplistic. And there were other ways to demoralize and defeat one’s enemies.

He frowned. The wormhole tech was blown, and for the moment, he was still bound to this planet, so he couldn’t do anything in person. What he needed was a secret weapon—one the Kindred had no idea about—one they would never suspect.

“You there.” He motioned to the imp who still stood stupidly beside his bed, waiting for orders.

“Yes, Master?” it squeaked, jumping as though he’d pinched its dirty grey hide.

“I need to speak to someone.” Draven settled naked on his live kanna couch, enjoying the touch of their silky pelts against his bare skin. The little animals, which were held together by a small but powerful force field, wriggled and squirmed beneath his muscular weight, adding to his enjoyment. “Get me the shadow-caster on the viewscreen,” he told the imp, nodding at the huge screen mounted over the couch. “The one we used to plant the sleeping gas in the hybrid’s ship.”

“Yes, Master. At once, Master.” The imp began putting through the call as quickly as possible. Draven had barely had time to pour himself some wine, pressed from the tears of sentient globa grapes, when the viewscreen flickered to life and a strange face was revealed.

“You called me, Hoard Master?” Violet eyes flicked over his naked body, taking in the muscular chest and the shadow of his heavy cock between his legs before returning to his face. “Whatever can you want this time of night?” Long, silver eyelashes fluttered coquettishly and the shadow-caster pushed a heavy length of pale pink hair behind one ear. Her skin was the palest ivory and living flowers sprouted from her fingertips.

“Interesting. A Thespa today, are you?” Draven drawled. “Very nice. I never would have known it was you. But then, I’ve never seen your true face, have I, my dear?”

“Never.” The shadow-caster’s features changed—her eyes turned glowing crimson and her hair shortened and darkened until it was a sleek purple cap molding to her head. Her skin was suddenly a pearly gray-green that would have looked beautiful under the light of an alien moon.

“And I suppose that’s the way you plan to keep it.” Draven smiled at her. “Never mind, I don’t need to see the real you—I just want to make use of your considerable talents.”

The shadow-caster raised one dark purple eyebrow at him. “You want information…or blood? Blood costs more.”

Draven gave her a lazy smile. “I can pay, my dear.”

Her eyes flicked to his crotch again. “Is that right? What’s the job?”

“One I think you’ll enjoy,” Draven murmured. “Lean a little closer and I’ll tell you.”

The shadow caster leaned forward, her image filling the viewscreen. As she did, she changed again. Her hair turned black and grew into long, lustrous waves and her eyes changed from crimson to a lovely amber. Her skin turned a smooth, silky light brown and between her breasts, just visible above the tight leather bustier she wore, Draven could see a birthmark shaped like a white star.

“Tell me, Draven” she said with a cruel smile. “Whose blood do you wish spilled?”

With a smile of his own, Draven told.

Read on for an excerpt of Evangeline’s new YA novel, The Academy, coming this summer from EA Books. **pls note, all YA novels will be published under Evangeline’s YA pen name,  Emmaline Andrews**

The Academy

Where things are not always as they seem…

Blurb:

My name is Kris Jameson and I’m a student at the Royal Academy. I’m at the top of all my classes, what they call a “model student.” There’s only one problem—the Academy is an all boys school and I’m a girl.

It started as a prank when I took my brother’s place. But things got complicated when I caught Broward, the school bully, in a compromising position. They got even worse when I was assigned my roommate—the handsome but enigmatic North who saved me several times from the bully’s attacks.

Now the consequences of my deception are coming back to haunt me. The penalty for fraud at this exclusive school is much worse than simple expulsion—I could lose a hand. Worse, so could my beloved brother.

With so much at stake, it’s imperative that I keep my secret safe. And the person I’m closest to, North, is the one I have to be most wary of.

The trouble is, I think I’m falling in love with him…

Excerpt:

I never hit the floor. Someone caught me and the next thing I knew I was being slung over a broad shoulder and carried like a sack of grain out of the fresher and down the hallway.

“Hey, put me down!” I beat weakly on North’s broad back even though the motion made me feel like I was going to be sick.

“Take it easy, pipsqueak. We’re almost to the room.” His deep voice rumbled through me as he talked.

I wanted to protest some more but the world started spinning again at that point. I closed my eyes and went limp on his shoulder. There didn’t seem to be anything else I could do.

When we got back to the room he put me down on my bed with surprising gentleness and left. I was just wondering where he had gone when he came back and put something cold and wet on my stinging cheek. I moaned and tried to push it off but he brushed my hand away.

“Hold still, you’re a mess.” He pushed a straw to my lips. “Here, drink this.”

I didn’t want anything to drink but I took a small sip to appease him. Something cold and sweet and fizzy ran down my throat, making me cough and gasp. The straw was abruptly withdrawn.

“It’s just a carbo drink. Can’t you manage anything?” My new roommate sounded impatient.

I coughed again. “I…I’ve only had it once before. I wasn’t expecting the…the bubbles.” My voice sounded hoarse and uncertain, even in my own ears.

“Take another sip now that you know what it is. You need a little sugar in your system.” He pressed the straw to my lips again and this time I was able to drink without coughing.

To my surprise, he was right—the sugary sweetness of the fizzing drink did make me start to feel better almost at once. My cheek was still aching but at least the world wasn’t spinning anymore.

“Thank you,” I said, after finishing the drink.

“Welcome.” He was sitting on the edge of my bed, staring down at me critically, the way someone might study a half-crushed bug. “I think you’re okay. You’ve got blood on your face but you don’t seem to be bleeding.”

I wiped at my mouth. “It’s Broward’s. I bit him.”

“Bit him, huh?” He gave me a look of grudging respect. “You’re a scrappy little guy—I’ll give you that.”

“Thanks a lot,” I said sourly. “That means a lot coming from a big lug like you.” My small stature was really turning out to be a handicap.

“You’re welcome,” he said again, taking the empty drink container and putting it down on the bedside table.

“Why?” I asked, looking up at him.

“Why what?”

“Why did you help me?” I tried to sit up but he pushed me back down.

“Better wait a minute before you get up. I came to see what all the commotion was about. You scream like a girl, you know that, shrimp?”

“I was frightened,” I said stiffly. “And don’t call me that. My name is—”

“I know, Kristopher Jameson.” He sighed. “Hinks told me when I went to ask about the rooming situation.”

“What did he say about that?” I asked.

North ran a hand through his dark blond hair, looking frustrated. “He said I would just have to deal with it. Look—” He pointed at me. “I was serious when I said I had to study. I don’t want any loud music or partying in here, I mean it.”

“I don’t want that either,” I told him, frowning. “I’m just here to learn so I can get my piloting license. I’m not interested in any of the social activities I saw in the halls on my way up here.”

“Social activities?” He raised an eyebrow at me and burst out laughing. “You have a really strange way of talking, Jameson. What moon are you from, anyway?”

“Dianna,” I said stiffly. “From the province of Victoria.”

North frowned. “I’m from Apollo. I’ve heard about Victoria but I’ve never been there. Isn’t that the province where everyone is so stiff and formal you can’t even sneeze without apologizing about a thousand times?”

“It’s civilized,” I corrected him. “Which is more than I can say for the way people act around here.”

He shook his head. “You must not have been away to school before. The Academy is pretty standard.”

“If being threatened and beaten twice in the same day is standard I don’t know how anyone graduates,” I snapped. “I haven’t even been here two hours and I’ve already been assaulted.”

“Assaulted? Come on.” He slapped my shoulder. “You took one punch, don’t be such a girl about it.”

I opened my mouth to give an angry reply and then closed it again. Apparently being a man involved stoicism in the face of pain and right now I was doing a fairly poor job of it. “It hurt,” I pointed out at last.

“Getting punched in the face usually does. Let’s see how it looks.” Leaning forward, he lifted the cold wet cloth he’d placed on my wounded cheek and frowned thoughtfully. “Well, you’re going to have a hell of a bruise but I don’t think anything is broken. We can go down to the Infirmary for an X-ray if you want, though.”

“No thank you,” I said, trying to sit up again. This time he helped me.

“Better?”

“Yes.” I was finally able to look around without feeling like I was on a tilt-a-whirl at the fair, which was a vast improvement.

“So what did you do to earn that, anyway?” North motioned to my hurt cheek. “Or was Broward just being his usual charming self?”

“I saw something…in the Administration building.” I frowned down at my hands. “I’m not sure I should tell you.”

“If it’s something to do with Hinks, everybody already knows. Although I didn’t think Broward went that way.”

“What do you mean? Went what way?” I asked.

“You know.” North made a side to side motion with one large, well shaped hand. “Gay.”

I had only heard the word once or twice before but I had a general idea of what it meant. “You think I saw Broward and Hinks…doing something immoral together?” My voice rose slightly. “But they’re both males. Is that standard at the Academy too?”

North shrugged. “Not really but you do hear about it from time to time. You know how it is—too many horny guys and no girls allowed.”

I had a sudden disturbing thought. “Are you…that way?”

“Gay? Me?” He gave a surprised laugh, as though the very idea was preposterous. “No, absolutely not. There are too many pretty girls in the solar system to waste my time on another guy. But Kinky Hinks definitely is. Don’t tell me he didn’t try the old ‘let’s see how your uniform fits’ routine on you.”

I could feel my cheeks getting hot. “Yes, he did,” I admitted. “I, uh, managed to get away though. Would he really have tried to…to…” I couldn’t finish.

North laughed incredulously. “I can’t believe it, you’re actually blushing.”

“He…I…” I put my hands to my hot cheeks and winced when I touched the injured one. How could I tell him that we didn’t speak of sexual matters of any kind in  Victoria? And why did talking about this with him make my heart pound so hard?

“Never mind.” He shook his head, a trace of a smile still lingering on his lips. “Hinks is pretty harmless, actually—he just likes to look. He gets away with it because he has some kind of in with the powers that be around here. So what happened with him and Broward?”

“Nothing like that,” I assured him. “Actually, nothing that had to do with Hinks at all. It was the headmaster.”

His eyebrows shot up. “The headmaster?”

Quickly, before he could get the wrong idea, I filled him in on everything I had seen and heard while waiting in the headmaster’s office. When I was finished, North sat back and gave a long, low whistle.

“And Broward caught you watching him get paddled? No wonder he’s after you, Jameson. He wants everyone to think he’s invincible because his father is on the Board of Trustees. If word got around that he actually got punished, and that he chose the paddle over the cane, his reputation would be shot all to hell.”

“I wasn’t going to tell anyone,” I protested. “And what does it matter which he chose?”

“The paddle’s for cowards.” North waved a hand dismissively. “Doesn’t even break the skin. The cane hurts a lot worse and it can leave permanent scars.”

I shivered at the idea of something worse than the paddling I’d witnessed earlier that day. Though Father spoke roughly to Kristopher and myself, he had never laid a hand to either one of us or allowed anyone else to either. Would Headmaster Chauser cane me if my secret was discovered? I couldn’t let that happen.

“Sounds like you’ll have to be on the lookout for Broward for a good long time,” North said, pulling me out of my dismal thoughts. “What’s your class schedule like? I’ll try and tell you the best way to avoid him.”

“It’s there.” I pointed to the disposable tablet on the desk and he got off the bed to get it.

“Hmm.” He frowned as he paged through the schedule. “Looks like you and I have a lot of the same classes. Inter-dimensional calculus and astro-navigation back to back.  Unfortunately Broward is in the calc class too.”

“At least you and I are in it together,” I said, without thinking.

North frowned. “Don’t get any ideas, shrimp. I’m your roommate, not your bodyguard. I don’t have time to come running to the rescue every time you stub your toe.”

“Of course not,” I said stiffly. “I wouldn’t expect you to.”

North pointed at me. “You’re going to have to learn to look out for yourself. Especially in your last class of the day—mandatory physical fitness. Broward’s in that one too and I’m not.”

“I understand—I’m on my own.” I tried to sound calm and collected.

“Right.” He looked satisfied, as though he’d finally made his point.

“But how can we have the same classes if you and Broward are fourth-form and I’m third-form?” I asked, holding out my hand for the tablet.

North handed it back to me. “In Broward’s case it’s because he flunked those courses and he’s taking them again.”

“What about you?” I looked up at him curiously. He didn’t seem the type to fail at anything.

“I missed most of last year.” He glanced away, a troubled look passing over his sharp features for a moment. “For…personal reasons.”

“Personal reasons?” I said. “What—?”

“Personal means private. Do I really have to spell that out for you?” His voice, formerly almost friendly, had turned angry and there was an unreadable look in his piercing blue eyes.

“All right, all right. I’m sorry.” I held up my hands in a gesture of peace. “I didn’t mean to pry.”

“Just keep out of my business.” North looked at me coldly. “I may have to share this room with you but that doesn’t make us friends.”

Want more? I’ll be sending out some review copies when The Academy comes out, probably around the end of August. Find me on Facebook and I’ll be more than happy to send you a copy in any e-format as long as you agree to write me a review on Amazon, Barnes and Noble.com, or Goodreads. For those of you who just want more Kindred, don’t worry—the next book, Exiled, will be out in the fall of 2012.

Hugs and Happy Reading to all of you!

Evangeline (aka Emmaline)

Brides of the Kindred Glossary

AllFather—the evil head of the Scourge, a race that are the byproduct of a failed genetic trade. The AllFather is one of the Old Ones and has the power to reach into a person’s mind to harvest emotional pain and trauma. He lives for the fulfillment of the Scourge Prophesy.

Ancient Ones—beings which live in the Deep Blue—the darkest and most inaccessible part of the Rageron jungles. They are sentient but not related in any way to the Kindred. Each Ancient One has two forms—a bipedal form which resembles a human or Kindred and a beast form which can be deadly and they can change between forms at will. The Ancient Ones predate even the First Kindred and revere the skrillix plant, which they guard jealously.

Bespeak—to contact someone mentally using a Think-me device. It is considered rude to bespeak someone you don’t know intimately.

Beast/Rager Kindred—come from Rageron—a jungle planet full of beautiful but deadly flora and fauna. They have dark hair, golden eyes, and hot tempers but their most defining characteristic is the mating fist. The mating fist is an area at the base of the Beast Kindred’s shaft which engages fully only during bonding sex with his chosen mate. When engorged it swells to keep the Beast Kindred and his bride locked together until she is completely bonded to him. This ensures sex that is both extremely long lasting and multiorgasmic for both partners.

Blackness between the Stars—another name for the Hoard or Grimlax, an ancient enemy of the Kindred. These beings have no souls and so are considered demonic by the Kindred.

Blood Fever—a condition suffered by unmated females on Tranq Prime, the home world of the Blood Kindred. Blood Fever or Burning Blood as it is often called, is caused by a parasite living on the icy world that affects only women. The parasite—found in the fleeta or blood beetle—reacts with a compound in the Tranq Prime water supply to cause the fever. Symptoms include chills, increased sexual need and the feeling of the blood heating in the veins as well as increased coloration of the nipples and sex. If the fever is not treated in forty-eight hours, it will result in death.

Once a Kindred male has had a female’s blood, he forms a natural antidote to Blood Fever which he can pass on by sharing body fluids with her. The most effective way to get the antidote into the female’s system is for a Blood Kindred to bite her, thereby injecting it along with his essence. However, it is also possible to pass along the healing fluid through sex.

Blood Fever used to be very common on Tranq Prime which is what prompted the cold, proud natives to initiate a genetic exchange with the Kindred in the first place. A recent vaccine has nearly eradicated the disease, however, and the original inhabitants of the ice bound planet have little reason to continue the trade. A faction calling themselves Purists are against any further trade with the Kindred.

Blood/Tranq Kindred—are blond with pale blue eyes and come from Tranq Prime where ice, snow, and arctic-like temperatures are the norm. To combat the severe weather conditions, the Blood Kindred have higher than normal body heat with double the human amount of red blood cells. They have developed specific biting rituals to share their supercharged blood and take the blood of their mates during their own version of bonding sex. They have a set of double fangs located where a human’s canine teeth would be. These fangs do not develop fully or become sharp enough to pierce flesh until a Blood Kindred is with a woman he wishes to mate and bond with.

Bonding Ceremony—a wedding-type ritual which takes place after the Claiming Period if the bride chosen by a Kindred warrior has allowed him to have bonding sex with her and joined her mind to his.

Bonding Sex—the extra step a Kindred warrior takes to bind his bride to him permanently during intercourse. For the Beast Kindred, it is the use of the mating fist. For the Blood Kindred, bonding sex means sex during penetration. Twin Kindred bind a bride to themselves by entering her and coming in her at the same time.

Claiming Ceremony—a sort of engagement service that takes place when a bride is first claimed by a Kindred warrior. He declares his intentions toward her and she vows to obey the laws of the Claiming Period.

Claiming Period—women who are drafted are required to go up to the Kindred Mothership and spend a thirty day “claiming period” with the warrior who has chosen them. If, at the end of that time, they have managed to resist the charms of their Kindred mate, they are allowed to go back down to Earth and resume their normal life. However, if they succumb to their Kindred male’s seduction, they are mated for life and must move to the Kindred ship to live, leaving everything else behind and seeing their family and friends on Earth only infrequently. Of course, many women are unwilling to give everything up at the drop of a hat, draft or no draft. But the Kindred have a secret weapon—devotion to their female’s pleasure and attention to detail during incredibly hot sex.

Claming Period Rules—The Claiming Period lasts for four weeks during which the Kindred warrior attempts to seduce his chosen bride and she tries to resist him:

The Holding Week: the Kindred warrior may hold his bride.

The Bathing Week: the warrior and his bride bathe together and he is allowed to       massage her with scented oils and make her come.

The Tasting Week: the warrior is allowed to perform oral sex on his bride.

The Bonding Week: sex is allowed but it is completely up to the bride whether she will take things a step further and allow bonding sex which is a special and specific process to the three different types of Kindred males. (Most women have given in well before this point but a few do resist.)

The only way out before the claiming period is up is a breach of contract. This can happen if the Kindred warrior does not strictly follow the rules and tries to skip forward in the order of allowed events or by breaking one of the rules laid down by the Kindred High Council. These rules—mostly to do with restrictions on communication with Earth—are for the safety of everyone aboard the Mothership and are nonnegotiable. Ignorance is no excuse for breaking them and will result in immediate termination of the claiming period.

Convo-pillar—A half inch long insect which resembles a brightly colored caterpillar. Convo-pillars were genetically engineered by traders on the fringe colonies around Rageron to translate alien languages by communicating via thought waves to their wearer’s brain. They have been outlawed by the Kindred High Council because their notoriously unreliable translations cause more conflicts than they solve.

Deep Blue—the darkest and most inaccessible part of the Rageron jungles

Dream Sharing—occurs when a Kindred warrior’s mind aligns with that of his bride and they begin to see each other’s day to day activities and memories in their sleep. However, the alignment of the two (or three in the case of the Twin Kindred) minds can take several forms and is not limited to sleep.

Fireflower Juice—an alcoholic beverage made from the Fireflower plant native to Rageron. It resembles milk in appearance but has the flavor of honey, vanilla, lavender and blueberries.

High Councilor—the rightful ruler and defender of the Kindred home planet, First World. Only the High Councilor may sit upon the throne of wisdom and see with the eye of foreknowledge. Without a High Councilor in place, First World and the rest of the Kindred race cannot be adequately protected against the evil machinations of the Hoard.

Hoard—an ancient enemy of the First Kindred also known as the Grimlax or the Blackness which eats the Stars, they are evil, demonic beings with ravenous appetites and a desire to conquer, devour, and destroy every living thing in the universe. They are divided into tribes with the lowest echelon being the most numerous and primitive.  The elite or upper echelon tribes are more sophisticated and intelligent but also much more dangerous. They are notoriously manipulative and able to change their appearances using a technique called “shadowing” to look like anyone or anything they choose.

Kindred—a race of genetic traders who have traveled the universe for centuries looking for viable matches to expand their gene pool. Since a genetic anomaly ensures that their population is ninety-five percent male, they are specifically looking for women.

The three genetic trades the Kindred have already made have resulted in three very specific types of men. But though they take on some of the physical characteristics of the race they are trading with, the Kindred gene always ensures three things: physical prowess, extremely large and muscular body structure, and undying loyalty to the female of their choice.

Krik-ka-re—a Scourge tradition in which the mind life of one being may be traded for or ransomed by another.

Kusax—a special knife made from the tainted metal at the core of the Scourge home planet. One scratch can be deadly as it infects the wounded person with a soul poison which ensures a slow, agonizing death.

Law of Conduct—the Kindred law which says every warrior is responsible for the good behavior of his bride and gives him the right to punish her—within reason. Often the “punishment” is sexual in nature and some brides become serial offenders simply to experience their Kindred warrior’s particular form of discipline. ; )

Luck Kiss—a kiss performed by the best man and maid of honor at a Kindred Bonding Ceremony in order to bring the happy couple good luck.

Mate of my kin—the way Kindred warriors refer to the brides chosen by their brothers. It is analogous to the English term sister-in-law.

Marks of Possession—the Scourge way of marking a female as their mate. The Marks of Possession include a close-fitting collar, piercings in the nipples and clitoral hood, and a brand on the inner hip or the top of the buttocks. Scourge with Kindred blood also desire to scent-mark their mates but they require the traditional marks of their kind to really feel bonded to the female of their choice.

Mother of All Life—the main Kindred Deity, a kind and benevolent goddess whose teachings include respect and reverence for all things female.

Numala—a Blood Kindred name which means “liquid pussy.” It refers to a female who produces more than the regular amount of lubrication when aroused. Numalas are much prized by the Blood Kindred and sought after as mates because they are more likely to be able to accommodate a Blood Kindred warrior’s larger than average cock.

Psychic-Knife—a torture device developed by the Scourge which is able to break the mental and emotional bond between a Kindred and his bride.

Rage—also  Protective Rage or Berserker Rage—a state of altered consciousness that comes over a Kindred warrior when his bride is threatened. It floods the bloodstream with endorphins and causes such intense anger and aggression that a Kindred in this state becomes a killing machine who will die to protect the woman he has claimed.

Sacred Grove—an area of green and purple trees that houses the temple of the Mother of All Life. The Kindred Mother ship has been equipped with an artificial green sun like the one on their home world in order to allow these holy trees to grow and flourish.

Scourge—a genetic trade gone wrong, these menacing outsiders have twisted desires and sexual needs fierce enough to frighten away even the most adventurous. Their need to dominate and possess their women completely has led to a strange prophesy that they must fulfill…or die trying.

Scourge Prophesy—“One of two, alike and yet different—the double fruit of a single womb from the third planet of a yellow sun. She shall be marked with a white star between her breasts.” These words were spoken by Mee’ah—the last living female of the Scourge race who was believed to be a great seer. The Scourge are a dying race, forced to create new members in artificial wombs called flesh tanks or vats because they have no females. Yet, because they have some of the same genetic characteristics as the Kindred, they are able to create only male children and each new generation is weaker than the last. The prophesy refers to the woman the Scourge believe will be able to mate with the AllFather and bear only daughters to rejuvenate their race.

Skrillix Plant—also known as the Pain Vine. This plant is found only in the heart of the Rageron jungles called the Deep Blue. The brilliant crimson berries of the skrillix are said to cure many illnesses, including stasis sickness and can also dissolve an improperly placed or artificial soul bond. The thorns are said to be as poisonous as the berries are helpful. One prick from a skrillix thorn can give waking nightmares, forcing the victim to relive painful memories. When minds are linked by the juice of the berries, these visions can be shared with others who can witness them via a chemically induced neural link.

Take-me—an animal native to Twin Moons that has been domesticated by the Kindred for transportation aboard their ship. The Take-me has green fur and two heads, one on either end. Each head has three purple eyes. The Take-me has the unique features of being to expand and compress its mass which makes it ideal for storage. Because they originally lived in caves, most Take-mes stay very contentedly in small dark areas in the Kindred food prep areas where they live off the scraps and leavings of their master’s meals. They can eat almost anything except banana peels which they are allergic to.

Tharp—an animal that looks very much like a thin fur blanket which can be worn as a garment. Tharps are cultivated on Tranq Prime and prized for their ability to multiply their host’s body heat and keep them warm in even the most frigid conditions. A tharp can be worn by only one person— as a neophyte or youngster it imprints upon a host and will slowly starve if parted from them. Tharps are intelligent and capable of limited movement. They live as long as their host and subsist only on body heat, needing no other form of sustenance to survive.

Think-Me—a thin silver wire worn around the temples which facilitates mental communication between people who already have an intimate connection.

Touch-U—a flat black mat-like animal native to Tranq Prime which the Kindred have adapted to be a home health appliance. The Touch-U is capable of giving a gentle massage or an all-out erotic experience depending on which button is pushed.

Twin Kindred—come from Twin Moons—a world of vast, stormy oceans dotted with craggy but beautiful islands. True to their namesake, Twin Kindred always come in pairs. The brothers are not identical, however. There is always a light twin and a dark twin. These labels refer not just to skin, hair, and eye coloring but to the twin’s moods and perceptions of the world. The dark twin in the pair is usually more moody and withdrawn while the light twin takes a substantially brighter view of life. The twins are closely linked and able to sense each other’s emotions. They cannot be separated by long distances or for long periods of time without severe pain. They must also share a woman, linking her into their mental and emotional exchange for very intense ménage sex.

Urlich—a type of dog bred by the Scourge. At maturity they are modified with machinery to heighten their sense of smell and intelligence which results in a cyborg-type animal. Once in pursuit of whatever scent has been programmed into their brains, the urlich are utterly single minded and incapable of stopping until their prey has been cornered and captured.

Wave—a Kindred cooking appliance which emits thousands of finely collimated beams of heat to cook food in under a minute.

Zichther—an animal native to the jungles of Rageron, the zichther resembles a small bright blue teddy bear in appearance until it opens its mouth and reveals three rows of incredibly sharp, shark-like teeth.

About the Author

Evangeline Anderson is a registered MRI tech who would rather be writing. And yes, she is nerdy enough to have a bumper sticker that says “I’d rather be writing.” Honk if you see her! She is thirty-something and lives in Florida with a husband, a son, and two cats. She had been writing erotic fiction for her own gratification for a number of years before it occurred to her to try and get paid for it. To her delight, she found that it was actually possible to get money for having a dirty mind and she has been writing paranormal and Sci-fi erotica steadily ever since.

You can find her online at her website www.evangelineanderson.com

Come visit for some free reads and to find out what’s coming soon. You can also connect with her on Facebook http://www.facebook.com/evangeline.anderson.773

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