The Pieces Left Behind

MAGNOLIA CREEK

BOOK ONE

RYAN MARIE

Copyright © 2023 by Ryan Marie

All rights reserved.

No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except as permitted by U.S. copyright law. For permission requests, contact Ryan Marie at authorryanmarie@gmail.com

The story, all names, characters, and incidents portrayed in this production are fictitious. No identification with actual persons (living or deceased), places, buildings, and products is intended or should be inferred.

Cover artwork by Renee Reynolds

Photo licensed by Depositphotos, Konradbak #154760724

Edition Number One published 2023

Created with Vellum

Dedication

For my amazing family who will probably never read this…and that’s okay.

Contents

A Note to Readers

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Chapter 23

Chapter 24

Chapter 25

Chapter 26

Chapter 27

Chapter 28

Chapter 29

Chapter 30

Chapter 31

Chapter 32

Chapter 33

Chapter 34

Chapter 35

Chapter 36

Chapter 37

Chapter 38

Chapter 39

Chapter 40

Chapter 41

Chapter 42

Chapter 43

Chapter 44

Chapter 45

Chapter 46

Chapter 47

Epilogue

Dagen’s Epilogue

Acknowledgments

About the Author

Mood Music

- Cold — Chris Stapleton

- I Got You — Bebe Rhexa

- Fade Into You — Mazzy Star

- Tennessee Whiskey — Chris Stapleton

- Dancing in the Dark — Cannons

- Nothing’s Gonna Hurt You, Baby — Cigarettes After Sex

- Pull You Through — Maggie Rose

- Sex Is On Fire — Cannons

- Only Want you — Rita Ora

- Blue Moon Revisited (a song for Elvis)— Cowboy Junkies

- Wild Horses — The Rolling Stones

- Wild Horses — The Sundays

- Sky Without Stars — Vella

- Sweet Jane — Cowboy Junkies

- It’s You — Maggie Rose

A Note to Readers

CONTENT & TRIGGER WARNINGS

The book you are about to read contains themes related to mental illness, death and sexual assault. If you find these topics emotionally triggering, please practice mindfulness and do not continue. For a comprehensive list of warnings, visit my website:

One

CAMILLE

A  loud clap of thunder bursts through the air, momentarily silencing the tinkering of the rain as it landed on the roof of the car. A cool breeze swirled my hair around like a cyclone as I stood on the front porch. I hugged my sweater closer to my body, trying to ward off the bite of the cold chill that rippled over me.

The weatherman said this rain would stick around for the week. The storm was rolling in and the eye would soon hover, dumping pounding rain on our little slice of heaven by the sea.

People all along the coastline were prepping for rising waters. Sandbags littered garages, and anything that couldn’t be moved was tied down for safekeeping.

I wonder if Robbie left any bags for me. I would really hate to have to bother the Floyd’s for help. Henry was getting up in years and besides that, all of his energy was spent caring for his dear MaryLou who's MS had become crippling.

The hard clang of the car door shutting snapped me back to the scene in front of me. I watched as he started up the car and gave a small, apologetic nod before driving away.

I was frozen, watching him drive off as the tail lights grew more and more faint, before disappearing all together.

I knew that would be the last time I’d ever see him. He was gone. He left me, here, alone and with a head full of questions.

He was gone.

No warning.

Without a second thought of how I would put my life back together.

He was just gone and I was alone, broken and angry.

All he left behind were pieces of me, of our life together, and a note that simply said; “I’m sorry but I can’t do it anymore.”

Couldn’t do what anymore?

What was so horrible that he just couldn’t fathom continuing on with our life?

“Mrs. Stevens.” I spun around and met the sympathetic eyes of the young detective.

She was young and pretty. Her eyes were bright and her skin looked like it had never seen a bad day. She still looked happy and hopeful. That would all change over time when the perils of her job would jade her.

“Can we sit inside? I just have a few more questions I’d like to ask you.” Detective Manning gestured towards the living room and I nodded, stepping over the threshold and leading the way.

“Mrs. Stevens-“

“Camille,” I cut her off, my voice dull and flat.

“Right. Camille. Again, I’m so sorry for your loss. I will get through these questions as quickly as possible. I’m sure you have family you need to contact,” she stated, almost question like.

My eyes cut to hers and conveyed all that I couldn’t say.

With a small nod of her head, she continued.

“Did your husband give you any indication of something that would have led him to…to taking his own life?” She struggled getting the words out, and I winced at the sound of them.

She held up a plastic bag that contained my husband's scribbled handwritten note. His final words that he would ever say to me, jotted down on a scrap of paper.

Eight small words was all I got before he ended it.

“No,” I croaked, my throat growing tight.

“Do you know if the company is in any kind of financial trouble? Or possibly a, uh, a drug problem, perhaps? Is it possible he owed money to someone?”

My eyes burned with fire, and it took all the strength I had left in me to not fly off this couch and strangle little Miss Detective Barbie.

How dare she.

Robbie was the picture of perfect health. He exercised daily, ate healthy, rarely drank and aside from being a little stressed with work, he was happy.

“No,” I scoffed. “Robbie does not...he did not do any drugs. Nor are we in any type of financial trouble. Why are you even asking me these things? He killed himself. He left a note. Isn’t that all you need?”

The words tumbled from my mouth like a bitter pill.

“I’m sorry, Camille. I don’t mean to accuse. It’s just part of the process so we can narrow down what could have led to his untimely death.”

“And you think that drugs or money made him do it? Hmph. Unbelievable.”

I shook my head with agitation but in reality, I was just as curious.

The detective cleared her throat.

“Were the two of you having any problems? Any extra-marital affairs?”

“Excuse me? Did you just ask me if either he or I cheated? No! We were perfectly happy. We have an amazing marriage and didn’t disagree on anything more than where to eat.”

My blood was boiling and my heart was pounding in my ears. I was about three point five seconds away from straight up punching her in the throat. Why would…

“Wait. Do you think I murdered my husband? Is that what you’re asking me?” My hands shook as I pointed a wobbly finger at my chest.

Detective Manning cleared her throat and gave me a timid look.

“It’s just routine questioning, Camille. Your husband died under unusual circumstances and this is a standard line of questions when something like this happens.”

The detective was nervous from, what I assume was, seeing the murderous look I was currently giving her.

“No. I did not cheat on my husband. He did not cheat on me. I did not kill my husband. Need me to take a polygraph or something to prove it to you?”

With every tick of my growing fury, my voice climbed higher and louder. I was quite literally a bomb about to go off. Whether it was in anger or sadness I didn’t know, yet.

“No, that’s quite all right. Why don’t I give you some time and you can call me when you are feeling up to answering some more questions.”

She pulled a card from inside her leather portfolio and placed it on the coffee table. Reaching over, she placed her hand on my arm and waited until I looked directly at her.

“I really am very sorry for your loss. Please know that as a detective, my job is to ask these questions and find out exactly why this happened to your husband. As a person…I won’t even pretend that I know what you are going through. I’d feel like punching me, too, if I were in your shoes. I hate it, but I have to separate the detective part of me from the actual human in order to do my job. But I truly am sorry.”

My throat bobbed as I swallowed the hard lump that clogged it and nodded my head.

My lip began to tremble and my eyes filled with tears. I tried hard to keep my breathing steady but I lost all control when the first tear rolled down my cheek.

My shoulders shook violently and I struggled to fill my lungs with air. I buried my face in my hands just as her arms pulled me into her embrace.

It was the kind of embrace that holds you up when you’re crashing down. The kind that says “let it all out”.

That hug, those arms, held me as a torrent of sobs ripped through me. A wail that I have never heard before poured from my throat like a warning signal to boats, cautioning them of the impending danger.

I didn’t get that warning signal. I didn’t see the danger heading my way. One minute I was sailing along calm waters and warm skies, and the next I had crashed on the jagged rocks, my perfect boat torn to shreds and left on a lonely island.

I cried and I cried and those arms of that unfamiliar detective held me through it all, as if we had been lifelong friends. I couldn’t tell if it had been minutes, hours or even days that I stood there. But when my throat felt raw and my eyes had no more tears to shed, I let go of the detective and braced for life alone.

Detective Manning reached inside her coat pocket and pulled out a few tissues and wiped away the remnants of the tears that still clung to my cheeks.

“Camille,” her voice was cautious and soothing. Like a mother reaching out to a hurt child. “Is there someone you can call? Someone who can stay with you?”

I sniffed my nose and used the sleeve of my cardigan to clear the snot that was running down my chin.

“My...my friend, Valerie. I...I can call her. She just lives down the street.”

Detective Manning shook her head and placed her hands on my shoulders.

“Please know that you can call me if you need anything. And in a few days we can finish our talk. For now, call your friend and get some rest.”

“Okay. Thank you detective.”

I followed her to the door and we said our goodbyes.

Picking up my phone from the kitchen counter, I pulled up Valerie’s name and tapped on it.

“Hey girl. Did you already finish your workout? Want to grab a coffee?” Her chipper voice distracted me for just a moment.

“Val...I need you.” My voice broke and the tears fell with a crash once again.

Two

CAMILLE

F or the next three days, the rain fell from dark clouds. It was not a fierce storm like we were used to this time of year in the Outer Banks. The rain fell in a constant, soft and steady rhythm. Carolinians were prepared for the worst, but for them, the worst never came.

The storm that hit me, however, changed my world forever and destroyed every last bit of happiness I had left.

On the fourth day the dark clouds moved along, taking the rain with them and the warm sun came out, drying away the puddles that littered the streets and sidewalks.

Five days after Robbie left me, friends and family gathered in the small beach chapel to celebrate his life and give me the customary “you’re going to be okay” speech.

His parents sat in the front row, flanking me on one side and my parents sat on the other. My sister sat behind us as did my brother and his wife and their baby girl.

At the altar, an abundance of flowers flooded the floor and steps that led up to the pulpit. The arrangements varied in sizes and colors with more species of flowers than I knew existed.

There was your average rose and daisy and carnation filled wreaths. But sprinkled amongst the basic funeral flowers was a bright tropical spread. The flowers were recognizable from our trips to Hawaii, Robbie’s favorite getaway, but the name of them escaped me.

Who would’ve sent such exotic flowers? For a funeral? Who goes to a florist and asks for a bouquet full of happiness and sunshine for a goddamn funeral. Did they think Robbie would like them?

Robbie couldn’t care less about any of these stupid flowers. He would roll his eyes at all of the absurdity and fuss. He would say it looked like the prep area for the Rose Parade floats.

Trees. Robbie liked trees. Magnolia trees. Like the big ones that grew back home.

But I guess people couldn’t very well send condolence trees. Wouldn’t that be a sight to see.

I felt a nudge on my shoulder and heard the whisper of my name.

“Camille, darling.”

Slowly, like I was moving through a pit of tar, I turned my head to see my mother’s tear stained face. Mascara lined her cheeks like tire tracks.

“Honey. Did you want to say anything?” She asked and motioned to the pulpit where the pastor stood, looking at me expectantly.

I looked at him then back to my mom and shook my head.

My mother patted my hand that lay in my lap and leaned over.

“Em, if you don’t want to go up there, Juan or I can.”

“Thank you, Alma,” Emily choked out.

My mom was too overcome with emotions to stand up and address the congregation who packed the pews, so the duty fell to my father.

My dad stood up and walked languidly to the front of the chapel and up to the pulpit.

Juan Villalobos was a strong, proud man who believed in machismo. He was always there for his family. He did whatever was necessary to keep us all happy and healthy and loved, but he never ever cried. Mexican men thought crying was a sign of weakness in the eyes of others.

But here, in front of dozens of people, some he knew and many he didn’t, my brave daddy let big fat tears fall from his brown eyes.

Nothing had ever broken Juan Villalobos so much that he lost the grip on his emotions. All it took was Robbie killing himself and leaving his daughter behind for the brick wall to crumble.

“On behalf of my daughter, Camille, my wife and Robbie’s parents, Emily and Forrest, we would like to thank you all for being with us today. Robbie would be overwhelmed to see all of the love that surrounds us.”

My dad continued on, but I couldn’t hear what he said. His words became a cacophony of sounds as I scanned the wreaths that took up the floor.

They were so big that you could hardly see the mahogany box that held the remains of my husband. It was no bigger than a shoebox, and it broke my heart to think of my tall and handsome husband reduced to ashes.

Pictures of him, of us, sat next to the box reminding people what the man who was stuffed in that little box looked like when he was whole.

How long would it be before I needed pictures to remind me of his blue eyes and blonde hair?

Would I ever forget that smile that was so perfect that I used to tell him he should be in a toothpaste commercial?

I felt someone take my hands and carefully pull me to my feet.

Emily held my cold hands in her shaky ones and guided me to the altar where Robbie, pieces of Robbie, lay on the table.

She bent down and placed one kiss after another on the lid of his urn. Her hand rubbed over the top and the sides before lifting it and hugging it close to her chest.

I watched as she held her baby boy, her only child, for the last time, then she handed him to me. Never in my life did I ever imagine myself holding my big, strong husband in the palm of my hands. I never imagined I would be a widow at thirty-fucking-one years old, either, but here I was.

And here he was, cradled in my cold hands.

With Emily’s and my mom’s arms linked with mine, the three of us walked down the aisle of the little chapel and out into the sunny skies of Nags Head.

It was in that moment that I wished for a hard, raging rain to come wash away my pain because I just didn’t know how I would be able to live with a broken heart and soulless body.

The next morning we all gathered in my living room, waiting to hear what Robbie’s and my lawyer had to say.

He had contacted me two days ago to say he needed to speak with me regarding some of our ‘affairs’ after the funeral.

Emily and Forrest were snuggled close to each other on my couch, and I sat next to them. My mom and sister, Cathia, stood behind me, each with a hand on my shoulder, while dad stood next to them. My brother Andrés, or Dre as we referred to him, sat on the leather chair holding his infant daughter, Madeleine, and rocking her gently. His wife, Lisette, sat on the arm next to her husband and daughter.

Forrest had pulled a chair from the dining room for Mr. Greenwood, our lawyer, to sit in while he delivered the information he had for us.

“Okay,” Mr. Greenwood said on a sigh. “I have a couple of letters here for you and Robbie’s parents.”

He reached out and handed us the envelopes with our names scribbled in Robbie’s left-handed writing.

“I haven’t read the contents of those envelopes, but I would recommend you read them alone.” He looked at us and we nodded in confirmation.

“Camille, I hate that I am here delivering news that I didn’t think I would have to in my lifetime. In hindsight, I guess I should’ve questioned Robbie more when he came to me a couple of months ago, requesting that the will be updated and gave me those letters.”

My eyes snapped to his and my heart fell straight down to my feet.

A couple of months ago?

He made changes to his will just a couple of months ago?

Mr. Greenwood sorted through some papers and began spouting legal jargon. I heard him say my name several times as he read, but all I could focus on was the fact that Robbie knew, months ago, that I would be sitting here listening to his last Will and Testament.

He planned it out…for months. Maybe longer. This wasn’t on a whim in a moment of weakness.

How could he go on, day after day, knowing all along that he was going to leave me? Leave us. He left me without a husband. He left his parents without a child. He left without a second thought of the destruction and heartache that would remain in the wake.

“Camille?” Mr. Greenwood must’ve been calling my name for sometime because he looked irritated when I met his eyes.

“I’m sorry. Wh-what did you say?” My voice was weak, much like my body.

“Rob set aside a large sum of money for you in a separate account. He obviously knew that the life insurance policies would not pay out in the event of a…a-“

“When he killed himself. Life insurance policies don’t pay out for suicide.” There was no tiptoeing around it.

“Well, uh, yes.” He cleared his throat and went back to looking at the papers in his lap.

The chair creaked as he placed his foot over his knee and settled in once more.

“I have all of the account information that I will leave for you. In regard to the business, you were second in command.”

“No. No, Scott is CFO. I oversee the daily operations, but he and Robbie ran the wealth management.”

“Well, that is not what Rob has stated here. Again, I wish I would’ve questioned him more when he first came to me, but hindsight and all.” Mr. Greenwood paused and stared down at the papers he held in his hand. With a shake of his head he continued on.

“He made legal arrangements that, in the event of his death, you would inherit the majority shares of Stevens Holdings, LLC., effectively making you Chief Executive Officer.”

“How…I mean…I can’t. I don’t know…”

“Dear, let’s just finish listening to Mr. Greenwood and we will figure this out later. Okay?” Forrest reached over and patted my leg, giving me a reassuring smile.

I did nothing more than blink and pray he could decipher morse code for S.O.S because Lord knows, I needed rescuing.

With a sigh, my father spoke up. “Is that all you have for us, Mr. Greenwood? I think Camille needs to rest and process what you have just told her.”

“Yes. I can leave all of these documents for you to review later.” Mr. Greenwood stood and shook hands with everyone before he walked out.

“Mija,” momma said, crouching down in front of me and framing my face with her hands. “Oh my sweet girl. I think you should go lie down.”

She smoothed my hair over and over again, just like she did when I was younger.

“Venga.” She stood and took my hands in hers, pulling me up the stairs and tucking me into my bed.

I didn’t even put up a fight because my body was completely exhausted. I simply fell back, my head landing on the soft pillow. Robbie’s pillow.

It still smelled like him. A mixture of fabric softener and musk lingered on his fluffy pillow.

I wonder how long it will be before his scent fades away?

Maybe I can box it up and keep the scent safe and tucked away. Much like my husband.

That was my last thought before I fell into a numbing sleep.

Three

CAMILLE

W hen I opened my eyes again, the sun had set and a blackness surrounded me.

Sitting up and leaning back on my elbows, I blinked until the room came into focus. Everything was the same as it always had been, yet so completely different.

I threw my legs over the side of the bed and dragged my body to a shaky stand. I was still in my leggings and Robbie’s Vanderbilt sweatshirt.

It hung mid-thigh and the sleeves had to be rolled several times for my hands to peek through, but it was comfy and warm and his.

I made my way downstairs and found everyone gathered around the dinette, sharing a meal in a somber silence.

“Camille, sweetheart.” Emily was the first to see me and immediately made her way over to where I stood.

“Come sit, dear. You need to eat.” She ushered me to the table and sat me down in the seat she had previously occupied.

“I’m not hungry,” I mumbled.

It had only been a week, but I knew I had lost too much weight. My workout clothes that once melded to my curves now sagged in areas I was usually most proud of.

“Sweetheart, you-“

Forrest cut her off, shaking his head to let her know not to push me.

Cathia popped up and grabbed a glass of water. She set it down in front of me and proceeded to pull the elastic out of my ratty ponytail and combed through it with her fingers before neatly braiding it.

“Cami. I know you’re not hungry, but will you at least have one of your protein shakes?” I looked over my shoulder and saw the pain in my sister's eyes.

She had lost a brother-in-law that she loved just as she did her own blood. And now she looked pained, as if she were losing me, too.

I couldn’t do that to her. I couldn’t do that to any of them.

I gave in and she rushed over to the drink fridge to grab me a carton. She twisted the cap and it clicked open. Placing it in my hands, she watched as I took a few gulps.

My stomach immediately protested and I had to stop.

“Cami. I’ve taken a little time off of work to stay with you. Just for a bit until we can get all of the work stuff figured out.”

“No, Cat. I don’t need you to do that. I’ll take care of it.” I objected.

“I know you don’t need me to do it, but I want to and I will. You know I’m the most stubborn of all of us, so you’re not talking me out of it.” A small smile graced her face and I returned it.

“Okay,” I nodded. “Thank you.”

The table fell silent again as everyone returned to their meal, no one really eating, just pushing food around.

“Where’s Madeleine?” I asked Lisette.

“She just went down for the night.” I chewed on my lip and shook my head as Lisette continued, “but she’ll be up around two for a feeding. You’re welcome to get up with the little bugger.”

Lisette winked at me and that made me smile a real smile for the first time in days.

Lisette knew how badly I wanted children, but Robbie was fiercly adamant that he didn’t want kids while we were still building the company.

That was five and a half years ago.

When Lisette and Dre found out they were expecting , I begged them to move closer to us, promising to wake at all hours of the night for feedings and be a constant source of free childcare. I wasn’t successful at convincing them to move, but I promised them just as many visits as I could make. There was no way I would let my niece know me as the aunt who lived far away and only visited for holidays.

My eyes wandered around the room and landed on the envelope with my name on it, sitting on the kitchen counter. I walked over and picked it up, treating it like a ticking time bomb that could detonate at any moment.

Everyone’s eyes tracked me all while giving each other worried glances.

“I think I’d like to read this…alone.” My thumb rubbed over Robbie’s handwriting.

He wrote with a heavy hand and I could feel the little bumps and valleys of the letters.

I grabbed my glass and headed for his office. I needed to be in a space that was totally him. I needed to be engulfed by the feeling and memory of my husband.

I closed the doors and they made a soft snick. My fingers ran along the creamy, brown leather of his chair. Small cracks had formed from wear, and I closed my eyes as I let myself sink into it. I gave myself a minute to just take it all in.

Opening my eyes, I stared at the picture of the two of us that sat on the corner of his desk. It wasn’t a posed photo or one that I particularly liked, but it was Robbie’s favorite and it captured the true essence of us.

The two of us had taken a second honeymoon trip to Grand Cayman Islands, the first of many second honeymoons. We didn’t really make any plans other than to just be with each other and soak up time alone.

While we were relaxing on the beach one afternoon, we heard a couple talking about a sunset cruise they were taking. Robbie and I looked at each other and knew without speaking that that was what we would be doing that evening.

We found the information for the cruise and reserved a spot. We dressed up to the nines, and I was giddy to watch the sunset in the arms of my handsome husband.

The small boat set sail and we chatted with the other guests aboard while enjoying a few drinks. As the sun began to dip into the ocean, we all started snapping photos of the amazing sight. The colors were like a box of the most vivid and awe-inspiring crayons, and everyone was clamoring to capture it.

Robbie and I took a couple of selfies, but we just couldn’t get the right angle. A couple we had been talking with offered to take a photo of us, and we graciously accepted.

We stepped towards the railing of the bows pulpit, joining hands as we went. Before the phone could snap a picture, Robbie grabbed my waist and under my knees trying to lift me into a cradle. I was so surprised that I flailed my arms and legs, causing Robbie to lose his balance and tumble against the railing. We both tried to steady ourselves, but we got tangled up and tripped over one another. In the blink of an eye, we were tipping over the side. The guy taking the photo never stopped snapping while we flew overboard as others chased after us to help.

The result was a photo that looked like it was straight off of a movie poster for a RomCom. Our arms were grasping at air while our legs flipped from under us. The look on my face was sheer terror while Robbie was full-on belly laughing, mouth wide with his pearly whites gleaming.

I tried to delete that picture many times, but Robbie printed it before I had a chance to destroy the evidence of my most embarrassing moment frozen in time for all to see.

Now it was one of my most memorable moments, by far.

I slid my finger under the seal of the envelope and slowly pulled the letter out. The paper was thick and felt like a linen canvas stretched across a frame. The creamy color was warm under the glow of the desk lamp.

I unfolded it and smoothed out the creases and flattened it on the desk. I took a deep breath and counted to five before I began reading.

Four

CAMILLE

Robbie Stevens Goodbye Letter

My dearest Camille-

My one and only true love. My beauty, my heart, my soul.

I am so sorry I had to leave you. My mission as your husband was to always bring you joy and fill you with love. Now, I am afraid, I have done nothing but leave you with a lifetime of pain.

For so many years I have been able to wear the mask of a happy, carefree and fun-loving man. I perfected the facade when I was very young. Long before we met. I did it in order to survive the fear I had of my loved ones knowing the truth about who I really am.

Because I wasn’t that happy, carefree man that you met. I was struggling even then. But when I saw you on that dance floor, stumbling through a line dance, something in my chest lifted. It was as if I suddenly took my first breath of air and you were just that.

The air I needed to survive.

Each day I spent with you from that moment on made what was a mask a reality. I wasn’t worried about faking my bliss because you, with all your spirit and laughter and love, breathed life into my dying soul.

You gave me a reason to want to rise each day. Knowing you were there to light up my life in new and exciting ways gave me the hope that I could finally conquer the darkness trying to pull me under.

And for such a long time, you did just that. Then the darkness began closing in on me, again.

I can’t tell you why the sadness and anger was there, because it always just was. Despite the love I was bathed in, the demons that I tried so hard to push away fought their way back into my mind.

This invisible monster lived within me since the time I was a young boy and could recognize the battle that was going on in my head. While most twelve year old boys were focused on sports and thinking about girls, I was wondering what it would feel like to die. Would it hurt when I left the physical world? Would I even know I was dying? Would it be like they taught in church and I’d be able to watch down on my loved ones, protecting and guiding them? Would anyone even miss me when I was gone?

I would think maybe I could take myself to the edge of death, just to see if it was all true. I had this incessant voice in my head telling me, begging me, to find out what it would feel like just fade away into a memory.

But quickly that curiosity turned much darker, and I wasn’t just questioning about heaven and the afterlife. I thought about the journey to get there.

Would it hurt to watch the blood drain from my body? What about jumping off a bridge? I imagined the calm of free falling, the wind licking my face before plunging into a cold abyss.

The older I got, the more morbid and stronger my musings about death got. I was never afraid, but I never understood why I felt that way I did.

The hardest part of it all was hiding it from everyone. Because if anyone knew what was rushing through my head, I would surely end up in a psych ward. And I just couldn’t let that happen.

So…I became fun Robbie. Much like an actor prepares for a role, I rehearsed and perfected the mask I wore on the stage of life.

But it was just so exhausting. Being that man became harder and harder each day that I switched him on.

I wanted so badly to rip off the mask and shred it in a million pieces, revealing the real Robert Stevens. But I couldn’t. There was no way I would let you see me for who I really was and make you question your love for me. I was so worried that I would be just a shell of the man you fell in love with. I was afraid you would pity me.

I was already so weak and I refused to make you carry the weight of my worries, because that is exactly what you would have done.

Loving you and being loved by you was the single most wonderful feeling in the world. Living in the warmth of your love was an experience that most men would envy. I reminded myself of that over and over, but not even that feeling of euphoria that came with being next to you could drown out the shadows lurking inside of me.

I tried to push past it in every way I could think of. I did everything I was supposed to do in order to be better for you. All I wanted was to give you the man you deserved to have.

There came a point when I realized that I would never be that man. So I made the decision to leave.

I had to leave, Camille. It was too damn hard living under the weight of the hopelessness that I felt.

I wish I could say that it was a difficult decision to make, but the truth is that, aside from marrying you, it was one of the easiest.

Living was the difficult part.

I worried about what our future would be like if I continued on the way I was and all I could imagine was pulling you down with me. I refused to be responsible for snuffing out the fire of your beautiful soul.

Camille, please know that there was nothing you did to make me feel this way, and there isn’t anything you could’ve done to change me.

Looking back, I see that everything that was good in my life was tied to you. I didn’t want to be the anchor that drowned you in murky waters.

I am grateful for the life you gave me while I walked the earth. I hope that I was able to leave you with lasting love and fond memories.

I want you to go on living. Don’t let me be the reason you close off your heart. Keep it open to the possibility of loving again. There is another man who will be so damn lucky if you give him the love that is even a fraction of the love you gave me. Be the reason why another man lives for the next sunrise with you.

I need you to do that for me. I need you to live for me, the way I couldn’t do it myself.

Lean on our family until you can stand on your own again. It will happen. I pray sooner than later. But please don’t sit in grief for long.

Move forward knowing that you carry my heart in yours. It always belonged to you, and it will forevermore.

I love you so much, Camille, and if there is an afterlife, I will be waiting to walk with you once again.

Live life, my love.

Your devoted husband from here to eternity,

Robbie

F at tears fell on the paper, soaking it all the way through. Some of his words blurred as the little puddles flooded them.

I thought reading why he left would bring me some peace, but all I felt was anger. Red, hot, boiling anger.

I’m mad that he didn’t open up to me. How dare he make that decision for me. He had no right to take it away from me. I am the only one who decides what weight to carry.

Me. My choice. And he made it for me. For all of us. He selfishly took away our chance to help and love him through it.

He said I was his light, but what about mine? Where is my reason to wake each day? He took it the moment he left.

He stole it from me.

And I may never forgive him for that.

I just couldn’t understand how he could do this to me.

“How dare you, Robbie!” I screeched. “How dare you say you love me!”

My voice grew louder as I shouted to the sky above, hoping he could hear me.

“You coward, Robert Stevens! You selfish coward,” I choked out over my sobs.

I reached a shaky hand and picked up the picture of us and launched the frame at the wall, watching it crash and fall to the floor in pieces.

Then I let myself fall to pieces.

Five

CAMILLE

Eight months later

“S o sis. Are you excited to come home just in time for the sweltering heat and suffocating humidity?”

The loud crank of the tape being stretched over the cardboard box echoed through the bare kitchen.

“Dre, you are so dramatic. Texas isn’t that bad.” I scribbled FRAGILE GLASSES on the top of the box and pushed it aside.

“Uh, yeah…it is. You haven’t lived there for six years. That’s more than enough time to forget just how miserable summertime in South Texas can be.” My brother put the roll of tape down and took a big swig of water, the ice cubes clinking against the glass.

“Dude! I just packed the glasses. I told you to use those plastic cups.” I gave him a scowl and pointed to the red plastic cups stacked next to the paper plates and utensils.

“Chill out, Castro. I’l make sure to wash it and sneak it in with the Tupperware, or something.” He didn’t flinch when I threw my marker at him, just casually continued to gulp his water down.

“Turd nugget,” I muttered and stuck my tongue out.

“Dictator,” he teased back.

We smiled at one another and went back to packing.

“Dre,” I croaked as my throat grew tight and a large lump formed.

I cleared it away and went on. “I don’t think I’ll be able to thank you enough for all of your help with moving, with selling the company, with…”

I struggled to get the words out and Dre crossed the kitchen to where I stood and pulled me into one of his giant bear hugs.

“You never have to thank me for doing what a big brother should do for his little sister. That’s my job.” He kissed the top of my head as I buried my face into his chest.

“Yeah, but…I’ve taken so much of your time away from Lisette and Maddie. They need you and I’ve been hogging you.” I let my arms drop from around his waist and pulled back to wipe my face.

“Trust me. They get plenty of my time. I’m sure this has been a welcome break for Lisette. I can tell when I’m starting to annoy her because she stops washing my underwear, and I’m left scrambling for clean chonies for work.”

I snorted imagining Lisette’s sneaky grin while Dre runs around sniffing for clean underwear.

“Not funny,” he gritted through clenched teeth as he tickled my sides.

I squirmed trying to escape, but his grip on me was next level strong.

“Okay, okay. Please stop. I’m fixin’ to pee my pants,” I heaved and laughed and gasped for air.

Finally he relented and hugged me once more.

“Ah, there’s that twang. You can take the girl out of Texas, but ya can’t take the Texas outta the girl.”

I squeezed the brother who tormented me just as fiercely as he protected me when we were kids.

“Lisette and Maddie are fine,” he reassured me. “She knows that this is where I need to be right now. Where I want to be. Okay? So no thanking me or feeling guilty that I’m here working like a sweatshop employee while Lisette enjoys some peace and quiet, probably binging Netflix.”

I wipe away the last of my tears and say, “k.”

“C’mon. No more sappy tears. Back to work.” He smacked my butt and went back to packing and taping boxes.

“And that’s the last box.” I made a slashing sound as I crossed the T and tossed the marker aside.

“Thank Jesus. I’m wiped out.” Dre flung himself on the couch and draped an arm over his face.

“Me, too. But I need food. Wanna grab some pizza and beer before we hit the sack?”

“Yes, please. My boss is a ball-buster and didn’t give me a break all day. I feel myself withering away”

I looked around for something to throw at him, but found nothing. I snatched the marker again from the floor and launched it at his head.

“Ow!” He whined and rubbed his arm. “Let me take a quick shower and then we can go.”

“Please do. I thought there was rotten food in here until I realized the smelly pile of trash was you.”

I laughed when he scowled in my direction as he passed me to go upstairs.

“Brat,” he said and yanked my ponytail before running off.

“Dingleberry,” I shouted after him.

After a hot shower that melted away layer after layer of sweat and grime, we settled into a booth after placing our order.

The two of us began planning out the long drive back home until our pie was delivered to our table and our conversation was quickly replaced by the sounds of us mauling our food.

“Mmm,” I moaned, taking a big bite of my cheesy, greasy pizza. “So good,” I mumbled through a mouthful of sausage and pepperoni.

Dre’s Adams apple bobbed as he chugged the last of his beer.

“Want another?” He asked and motioned for a second round to the waitress before I could answer.

My eyes wandered around Robbie’s and my favorite pizza shop. Our usual table sat near the modern jukebox and faced the large tv, where we watched Sunday Night Football.

My fingers plucked off the black olives from the slice that sat on my plate and tossed them aside. While I was all about meat lovers style pizza, Robbie always insisted we added veggies to balance it all out.

“I don’t even know why I ordered olives on the pizza,” I said flatly.

Dre reached across the table and halted my hand that continued to pick at the slices.

“Cami. He was your husband for seven years. You had a routine. You could finish each other's thoughts without blinking. The months without him can’t erase the years of memories. It’s habit.”

His voice was low and sympathetic and so unlike my jokester brother.

I shrugged and fought back the tears that were pooling in my eyes.

“It’s been eight months and it still hurts like it was yesterday.”

“You’re healing, and that’s a different process for everyone. There is no time frame as to when your heart just magically heals and all the sadness disappears.”

“But I’m not just sad, Dre. I’m angry. So damn angry. I’m not angry at God, or at the world, or at something like cancer for stealing my husband away. I’m angry at him,” I paused and wiped the tear that rolled down my cheek. “He left me and I don’t think he even cared how it would affect the rest of my life.”

My voice dropped a bit when the waitress plucked down our fresh beers on the table. We acknowledged her with a courteous nod and turned our attention back to our conversation.

“Cam…I’m going to tell you something you may not want to hear, but I want you to listen. Really listen to me.” He picked up his beer and took a long pull.

“When a person leaves the physical world the way Robbie did, those left behind look at the act as a selfish thing. But have you ever thought about it as just the opposite? Maybe it was a selfless act.”

I looked at him with eyes that told him just how ridiculous I thought that sounded.

“Just listen. Rob was obviously in pain and it had nothing to do with you or his parents or the life you two shared. Depression is a bitch. I’ve never been in a position to experience it myself, but I watched Lisette suffer with postpartum after Maddie was born.”

My eyes widened with shock. I never would’ve guessed my spunky and sassy sister-in-law suffered from PPD.

“Dre. I had no idea,” I said softly, and took hold of his hand.

He shook his head and gave my hand a squeeze.

“There would be days when I’d come home from work to find Maddie crying in her crib and Lisette hiding in our closet in the dark, with tears and sobs pouring from her eyes. When I asked what was wrong she could never really pinpoint it.

“She loves Maddie with all her heart and has said that being a mother is the greatest gift bestowed on her. But for some reason, during those first few months, she was just so very sad and it caused her true pain. It was a pain that made her feel like…like she wanted to stop the carousel of life and just get off.”

I watched as my brother became physically weak with the thought of his wife not being by his side. I recognized that feeling. I was still living with that feeling.

After a deep breath he continued.

“One day, she finally realized she couldn’t go on living in a haze and not understand why she was walking in fog. She went to see her doctor and opened up to her in a way that she was afraid to with me. It hurt a little that she felt she couldn’t tell me. But after she was diagnosed, I understood more when she told me she was scared that I would be disappointed in her.”

He paused and a small smile crossed his face. “She was so happy knowing that there was a reason, a name, for what she was experiencing. She felt like less of a failure knowing that it was something. As much as she didn’t want to take meds, especially since she was still breastfeeding, she knew it was what she needed to do in order to function. As a mother, a wife, and as a human.

“It was difficult for her to come to terms and admit to herself that something was wrong. It was probably the most difficult part of all of it. The admission. Not everyone can take that step of admission, acceptance and treatment.”

I picked at the label on my bottle, not wanting to look my brother in the eye.

“Robbie didn’t leave you because he was selfish. I think he decided he couldn’t go on because he was too proud or too ashamed to admit he failed you. He didn’t want you to know how he was suffering and disappoint you or have you think less of him.”

“But I would never have thought that. Ever.” I protested.

“Yeah, but his mind didn’t work that way. What he probably saw in the mirror was a man who had the perfect life, perfect wife, and still couldn’t be happy. And he didn’t have an explanation as to why he was so afflicted.”

I couldn’t look Dre in the eyes. I couldn’t see the truth behind his words because I still wanted to be angry with Robbie. I needed to be angry with him. If I was angry then I could wake up each day and move forward. What I didn’t want was to forgive him because that would send me into a downward spiral of grief and irreparable pain.

Dre continued. “I think his depression was worsening and he thought he would taint how you loved him, how you saw him, with this dark unexplainable cloud looming over him.”

I sipped my new beer and let the cool, frothy and bitter taste squelch my rising emotions.

“This is going to sound ridiculous, but I think Robbie left you at a moment when your lives were so grand because he wanted you to have only good memories to hold onto.”

“You’re right,” I said. “That does sound ridiculous.”

“I don’t think he wanted you to have any bad memories to cloud the joyous years you spent together. He left when all you would remember was light before he could show you his dark.”

Tears were a full-on river at this point, and Dre stood up from his side of the booth to sit by me. He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me close.

“Your husband was in pain, Cami, and he couldn’t understand why. And because he couldn’t explain it so that you’d understand, he was crippled with too much fear to reach out for help.”

“You can’t know this for sure,” I sobbed into his shoulder.

“No I don't. But I spent many hours in deep conversation with my brother-in-law to know the way his mind worked. I think that he thought that by leaving you, leaving all of us, he was saving us from prolonged pain. He thought he was being selfless by leaving you with the best parts of him to carry you through the heartache.”

I sniffed and wiped my nose. “How’d you get so smart, big brother?”

“Did you call me smart?” He asked in mock shock.

“I did. But if you tell anyone I said that, I’ll deny it then tell them you sniff your dirty underwear.”

He pinched my nose closed until I sputtered trying to catch a breath.

“You’re evil.” He smiled and kissed the top of my head. “I loved Robbie like a brother. I will always love him. And yeah, I’m pissed that he’s not here to see Maddie grow up. To be a dad, himself and grow old with you. But I can’t be angry with him when he thought he was doing what was best for you in the long run. Rob was sick, Cami. We see that now. It just seems like the pain was too heavy for him to continue to carry.”

In an instant it all clicked. It all made sense.

Dre was so right about Robbie. He never wanted anything but my happiness, and he wouldn’t want me to watch him suffer. He only wanted me to remember the charming, brave, funny and loving husband I always knew him to be.

It will hurt like hell, but the tight grip hold that I had onto the anger I had been carrying started to loosen.

Dre cleared his throat and I heard him sniff his nose.

“This is getting too deep for a pizza parlor. What do you say we box the rest of this up and head back to the house?”

“Yeah. Let’s go.” I wiped the remnants of my mascara from under my eyes and forced a smile.

“Good. You’re paying for this, right? You’re the one with all the money now. I don’t think a twenty dollar pizza will put too much of a dent in those millions of dollars in your bank account.”

He scooted out of the booth as I punched in the gut.

“Way to take advantage of me when I’m down.”

“Hey. I have a kid that’s already costing me a fortune. I need every last penny I’ve got.”

I stood next to him and wrapped myself around his waist.

“Thank you, Dre. Despite how big of a pain in the ass you are, I really do love you.”

“I love you too, Cami.” He squeezed me back then placed a big wet kiss on my cheek followed by a gross raspberry.

“Ew. Gross,” I snarled, wiping his slobber from my cheek.

“Quit whining. You love it.” He batted his ebony lashes at me and gave me an innocent smile.

“Unfortunately,” I sighed. “C’mon. Let’s go.”

That night, sitting in a cracked booth at a greasy pizza joint, my brother gave me the greatest gift I’ve ever received.

He gave me the gift of acceptance.

Six

CAMILLE

T he doorbell rings, pulling me from a deep sleep and sending me scrambling off my air mattress. I grab my phone to look at the time and now I’m even more pissed off because it reads seven-thirty.

“Who the hell…Dre!” I shout from my room but get no response.

The bell rings again and I struggle to get off the mattress and run down the stairs. Whoever is on the other side of the door is about to get the greatest tongue lashing of their lives.

I wipe the sleep from my eyes and unlock the door. I fling it open, ready to let loose a litany of curse words, and practically rip it off the hinges.

“Surprise!”

I blink several times to be sure that what I’m seeing in front of me is not a dream.

“Cathia? What the hell are you doing here?” I ask.

“Well geez, sis. I’m happy to see you, too.” My sister pushes past me, lugging a small suitcase behind her.

I close the front door and follow her to the living room.

“It’s seven-thirty in the freaking morning, Cat. Excuse me for not welcoming you with a party and mimosas. Especially since I wasn’t expecting you!”

She places her bag against the wall and turns to look at me. “I see that you’re still a bitch in the morning.”

She walks over to the kitchen and pulls open one empty cabinet door after the other.

“Where’s your coffee? I’m dying for a cup.”

“Cathia!” I snap. “What. Are. You. Doing here?”

She lets out an exasperated sigh and props her hands on her hips.

“I came to help you and Dre pack. Duh!” She says like it’s so obvious.

“Uh, well as you can see, we’ve pretty much packed everything so you’re a little late to the party.” I spread my arms wide at the stacked boxes littering my house.

“O-kay. But you’ll need help loading everything. Right?” She rolls her eyes and goes back to hunting empty cabinets for the non-existent coffee.

“Sure. If the movers need help I’m sure you’ll be the first person they ask.”

She spins to face me again, abandoning her search. “Oh. Well then I guess I’ll be driving with you and Dre back home. Yay! Sibling road trip!”

Cathia claps her hands in a fluttering motion and bounces on her toes.

“Yeah, sis. It’ll be like National Lampoon’s Vacation,” Dre’s groggy voice calls out from the living room entrance and both Cathia and I spin to look at him.

“More like I’ll be riding along with Dumb & Dumber,” I murmur.

“Heard that,” they say in unison.

Dre’s hair is sticking up in no less than a hundred different directions, and he wears only a pair of basketball shorts. He yawns and stretches his arms over his head.

“Got any coffee, sis?” he asks, scratching his head.

I look at him with a snarl on my lips then turn towards the stairs, stomping on each one as I go.

Before I can reach the top, I hear Dre call out, “I take it that’s a no to the coffee?”

One hour later and a bagel-coffee run by Dre, I almost feel human enough to not rip the heads off of both my siblings who seem to be arguing over who will get to sit in the front seat when we drive.

“It’s such bullshit to say that because you’re the oldest that automatically means you get to ride shotgun,” Cathia pouts.

“Hey don’t get mad at me. That’s the rules.” Dre shoves his bagel in his mouth, leaving a glob of cream cheese on the corner.

Cathia scowls as she tries to act tough in her braids that hang over her shoulders. “That’s not fair, Dre. You know I get car sickness.”

“Conveniently. This supposed ‘carsickness’ only seems to pop up when you don’t get your way.”

I watch the two of them volley back

and forth with insults and whines.

“It’s Camille’s car. Maybe she should decide who rides in the front. Camille?” Dre throws the ball in my court, but I back out.

“Hey, I’m Switzerland. There’s no way I’m choosing one over the other. You two will just have to spar it out,” I tell them with the slightest hint of amusement.

“Yeeaaah. Let’s fight it out.” The gleam in Dre’s eyes is quite frightening.

“No, you dingleberry. I didn’t mean actual fighting. Play, like…rock, paper, scissors. Or thumb wrestling. Ooh ooo. Hot hands!” I shout.

The incredulous looks I get from them means I’ve strayed far from being neutral Switzerland and ventured into Russian territory.

The two of them focus on each other once more and say, “rock, paper, scissors.”

I shrug my shoulders and walk over to the large coffee box on the counter to refill my cup while those two numbnuts decide who rides shotgun like a couple of ten year olds.

The sound of smacking fists into palms echoes through the mostly empty house. I let my gaze, and mind, wander the now blank walls.

Memories used to hang all over our home. Knick Knacks and mementos of our travels and adventures littered bookshelves. Robbie’s cozy reading spot that sat by the window is now vacant. And the blanket we used to cuddle under like teenagers when we watched movies will find a new home in my linen closet.

I know one day the memories will be happy reminders of the life we shared but right now, even eight months later, the pain is still too fresh.

“Yesss! I win, sucka!” Cathia’s screech breaks me from my walk down memory lane.

“Best outta five,” Dre growls.

“Nuh uh. You said out of three. You can’t change the rules ‘cause you lost.”

“Yeah. I can. Now c’mon–”

“No! That’s n–”

“Stop!” I cry out. “Jeezus you two. Am I going to have to play mom and pull you apart by your ears?”

Dre and Cathia look at me like two kids about to be punished.

“We’ll take turns, okay. You two up front first, Dre you drive, and then we’ll switch based on who’s tired. We’ve got three long days of driving and I refuse to listen to y’all fight the entire time.”

They both nod in understanding and walk away from each other just as the doorbell rings. The movers are here, so now the real work begins.

After a grueling five hours of playing furniture Jenga, the trucks are finally loaded and we’re on the road. Cathia is laid out in the back seat since she’s exhausted from taking an overnight flight, so the damn argument was entirely unnecessary.

“I think we should stop somewhere in Alabama. That’s six hours worth of driving. I don’t know about you, but I am so damn tired. I’d like to get an early night’s sleep and be up for a long haul tomorrow. What do you think?” I ask Dre, looking over the map on my phone.

He pauses from his rendition of Barbie Girl and answers me.

“Sounds good to me. Do you wanna stop in Mobile? It adds about another hour to the drive time, but if we plan to cut through New Orleans for beignets, it’s the best route.”

“Sure,” I agree and he goes back to singing, dropping his voice a few octaves to sing the guy’s part.

We drive in semi-silence only piping up to sing along with the cheesiest of nineties songs.

We make it to just outside of Atlanta when we decide to stop for a bathroom break and some food.

Dre parks my Range Rover at a gas pump at a super sized gas station slash convenience store, and I turn to the backseat and gently wake Cathia. When my gentle calls don’t rouse her, Dre takes matters into his own hands.

“Oh my god, Cathia! We’re falling off a bridge! Wake up! We gotta jump or we’ll die!” he shouts and bangs his hands on the window.

Cathia shoots up like a rocket, screaming.

“Aaaaahhhh! I’m too young and pretty to die!”

When she finally comes to and sees us snorting with laughter, her fear quickly turns to anger.

“You assholes! I hate you,” she frowns. “Where are we?”

“Close to Atlanta. We thought we could use a break and shift change,” I told her.

She scoots her butt across the back seat and opens the passenger door. “Oh good. I gotta pee like a racehorse.” She steps out and looks around at our surroundings. “It’s no Buccees.”

I shrug and reply, “well we aren’t in Texas yet, Dorothy, so you’ll have to settle for this.”

“You two go on ahead and I’ll fill up and meet you inside.” Dre swipes my credit card –that I insisted he use– and starts pumping gas.

Cathia and I make our way inside and straight to the ladies room. When we exit, we come face to face with Dre who is loaded down with snacks.

“I’m gettin’ bean dip and chips, a soda, and one of those hoagie sandwiches from the deli,” Dre says through a mouthful of licorice.

“Is that pack of licorice an appetizer?” I ask.

“Mhmm,” he mumbles with that adorable smirk that could get my mom to say yes to just about anything he asked for.

Cathia and I browse the deli case and refrigerator for something edible. I grab a small cup of carrots and celery along with ranch dressing and a sparkling water. I decide I need some crackers and cheese to complete my poor man’s charcuterie platter and walk over to the snack aisle.

I spot a can of spray cheese –don’t judge– and snatch it from the shelf. When I look for some buttery crackers to go with it, I see a bag of Starbursts and I’m hit with a flood of memories.

When Robbie and I had first started dating, we were fresh out of college and working our very first “grown-up” jobs. We didn’t have the kind of expendable income to be taking exotic vacations. So instead, we would take short road trips to small towns or go camping at a national park. Nothing fancy or expensive, but always so much fun.

On one of our camping trips we loaded up with our favorite junk food to prepare for a night gorging by the campfire. I was scouring for Starbursts and bought three packs knowing I was going to horde them all to myself.

Later that night, as we sat laughing by the fire, I ate my Starbursts and tossed the wrappers into a little pile on the ground in between where we sat. We talked about our future, about our goals and our dreams, all the while Robbie was secretly taking my wadded up Starbursts wrappers and working them into something else.

When I ate the last Starburst in my second pack, Robbie stood from his chair and knelt next to me. My mouth slowed as I worked my way through the chewy candy and my eyes grew to ten times their size.

“So I’m not going to ask you right now because I want to be able to give you the ring of your dreams. But this,” he pulled his hand from behind his back and held out an origami Starburst ring to me. “Is a promise that one day, I will kneel in front of you and ask you to marry me in front of all of our family and friends. Until that day comes, this is a placeholder to let all the other guys out there know that your heart belongs to me, and mine belongs to you.”

He wiggled the ring onto my finger and somehow it wrapped around perfectly. I cried because…well, origami ring, and promised Robbie that when that day came, I’d say yes.

That night, we made love in a small tent under the stars and whispered promises of forever.

I grab one pack of Starbursts and smile and remind myself that these are the memories that will get me through my darkest days.

Seven

CAMILLE

“S o what time are we leaving in the morning?” Cathia mumbled through a mouthful of Kung Pao Chicken.

Swallowing my food and wiping my mouth I reply, like a normal human does, “My goal is to be out by seven. It’s about seven hours from here to New Orleans, and I’d like to get in before it gets too late so we can have a little fun at one of the casinos, or just hanging out in the French Quarters.”

Nawlins, as Robbie called it, was one of his favorite weekend getaways. There was the cute little restaurant tucked away in an old brick building covered in overgrown plants that served the best meats and cheeses and wine pairings. It was never crowded and only frequented by patrons who enjoyed a little piece of quiet when the world around us was so chaotic.

Cathia and Dre grew quiet, only the sound of chopsticks scraping against the takeout cartons could be heard.

“I think seven is a good time to leave. That’ll get us to New Orleans with plenty of time to freshen up and have some fun for a night.”

I smiled at Dre and he gave me a light squeeze on my shoulder. He knew about Robbie’s love of New Orleans and how we made a trip once a year to meet up with friends or family. Many of those times we met Dre and Lisette for a fun couples weekend.

The last time we’d been there was last March during Mardi Gras. Who would have known that just over a year later, I’d be driving through New Orleans with my husband’s ashes tucked away in a box.

“So,” I said, breaking the tension. “Navigator still gets control of the radio, right?”

I reached out and grabbed a fortune cookie from the pile that sat between us.

“That’s the Villalobos rule,” Dre replied.

“Cool. Then I’ll drive first and you two can fight over round one. I’d rather drive earlier than later.” I peeled the wrapper away from my cookie and snapped it in half.

“Dibs on first navigator,” Dre shouts.

“Go ahead,” Cathia mumbles, not tearing her attention away from picking out all the peanuts. “I plan to sleep until it’s my turn to drive.”

“You know the peanuts are kinda what makes Kung Pao Chicken so good?” I told her.

“What happened to sibling road trip and bonding time, Cat? Wasn’t that your idea?”

“We can still bond, Andres…when I wake up from my nap.”

Dre and I exchange looks and roll our eyes.

Typical spoiled Cathia. She fusses and fights to get something she knows someone else wants. Then when she gets it, she’s bored with it. She won rock, paper, scissors yesterday then ended up sleeping for half the drive. And tonight she threw a fit because she hated the music we were picking and wanted to be navigator.

“Tell me again why you decided to ‘help’ us with the move when you have conveniently missed all the packing and driving? You could’ve just stayed home and slept in your own bed instead of my backseat.”

I pull the small piece of paper out of my fortune cookie and read it.

‘To truly find yourself, you should play hide and seek alone.’

Great. Just what I needed. A smartass fortune cookie.

“Because,” she said, dragging out her words. “If I didn’t come, you two would have talked shit about me and you’d get to have a ton of fun brother-sister time without me. I didn’t want to miss out on it.”

She finds the last peanut in her food and tosses aside.

“So basically what you’re saying is that you can’t stand for us to do something without you ‘cause you’re an attention whore?”

“Shut up, Dre. I’m gonna tell dad you called me a whore.” She took her chopsticks and poked him in the chest with them, leaving a greasy spot on his white t-shirt.

“Damn, Cathia. Lis is gonna be pissed if this stains.” He grabs a napkin and tries wiping at it.

“No, fart breath. Dab it, not wipe it. You’re gonna spread it. Lemme do it.” Cathia reaches for the napkin and he tugs it away.

“You shouldn’t have poked me.”

Oh Lord help me. This is going to be a long two days.

Dre pulls my car in front of the hotel entrance and puts it in park. A valet attendant circles around to the driver's side and hands Dre a ticket.

I open my door and step out, stretching my arms high above my head.

“Wow. Snazzy digs, sis.” Cathia stands next to me and does the same stretches.

“This was always the hotel we stayed at when we came. He liked that they still give their guests metal keys.” I smile thinking about the first time we stayed here simply because he had read an online review about their old keys for the doors.

“Let’s go check-in.” Dre drapes our overnight bags over his shoulders and walks through the door.

I check us in and we dump our bags in the room, taking a few minutes to freshen up before we hit the streets.

We walk along Bourbon street, stopping in stores to buy cheesy trinkets and refilling our drinks along the way.

We circle around Jackson Square, listening and dancing to a live jazz band. The crowd cheers boisterously after each song and many people drop bills into the musicians' instrument cases.

When we stop in front of St.Louis Cathedral, I get lost staring at the towering building. I wonder if I’ll ever be able to come back here now that Robbie is gone? I can’t see myself wanting to make this trip with anyone else. This visit today is more like a farewell visit. Saying goodbye to a city that will always only belong to Robbie and me.

Cathia steps close to me and takes my hand in hers. She squeezes it tight and looks at me with grief in her eyes. Dre joins us and wraps his arm around my shoulder. I rest my head against him and close my eyes to stop the tears from falling.

“Thank you, both, for doing this with me. There is no way I could’ve done it on my own.” My voice can barely be heard over the cheering crowd and melodic music.

“There isn’t any other place I’d rather be right now than with two out of four of my favorite girls.” Dre squeezes me harder and kisses my head.

“Ditto,” Cathia chokes out.

We stand there in silence, absorbing the sights and sounds all while a slideshow of spending time here with Robbie plays in my mind.

“Love you, Rob,” I whisper and let a tear fall.

“C’mon,” Dre says and urges us forward. “It’s beignet time.”

We walk past happy people, me holding Cathia’s hand and Dre still hugging me to his side, and I tell myself that one day, everything will be okay.

Eight

CAMILLE

“W elcome home, sis.”

I’m laid out in the back seat of my car when my brother announces our arrival.

I sit up and look out the window to see mom and dad standing on their front porch.

It was a long three days, especially after waking up with hangovers from drinking too much last night, but it’s definitely a trip I’d take again. Laughing with my brother and sister, talking with them and even crying was a healing experience that my soul was aching for.

Dre had barely put the car in park before my mom was yanking the door open and grabbing me for my seat.

“Hold on, momma. I’m still buckled in.” I wrestled with my seatbelt while momma continued to tug me out.

“Slow down, Alma. Your precious Camille has made it home safe and sound. We didn’t damage her…too much.” Cathia winks at me and laughs.

“I’m just so happy you’re home, my sweetheart. All my babies are home. If only–”

“Don’t momma,” I stop her, knowing that if she says his name I won’t be able to stop the storm of tears that will pour out of me.

Momma rolls her lips between her teeth and nods.

“Hi mija.” Dad pulls me away from momma and into his arms like only a dad can do.

“Hi daddy.” I sink into his big arms and inhale the scent that is only dad.

I pull away and look up at the man who has been my protector all of my life, and see the hurt he carries from not being able to protect me from losing Robbie.

I reach a hand out and pat his cheek as a small tear forms in the corner of his eye. He smiles down at me and I give him my own watery one in return.

“I’m so happy you’re home,” he grunts over the emotion building in his throat.

“Pop. Could I get a little help with the bags,” Dre called out, fumbling with everyone’s bags and snacks.

Dad cleared his throat and forced that tear back to where it came from.

“Of course, son. Coming.”

“Come in, mija. I’m sure you’re hungry.” Mom led me through the front door of the house I spent many wonderful years in. The smell was still the same; comforting, warm…home.

“Actually momma, we ate not too long at–”

“I made tortillas and beans,” she sang in her sweetest voice.

“Well I’d hate for them to go to waste,” I grinned and followed her into the kitchen.

Cathia came in right behind us and we heard Dre call out, “you better not eat all the tortillas!”

“Alma. Let me clean that up. You cooked.” Lisette pushed momma out of the way and took over dish duty.

Mom turned her attention to drying, but I quickly shooed her away.

“Nuh uh. Go sit,” I ordered her, pointing to the living room where the guys were relaxing.

She threw her arms up in defeat and walked out.

“You know,” I called out from where I stood at the sink. “This would go a lot faster if we used the dishwasher.”

My parents had a fabulous renovation done to their house a few years ago, and the kitchen was now a chef’s dream. Complete with some of the best appliances, including a top of the line dishwasher. But despite having this great piece of machinery, momma made us wash and dry the dishes by hand. She said, “the dishwasher doesn’t get them clean enough and it uses too much water,” which makes absolutely no sense since the manual labor she employed was slow and mediocre at best.

“You should see what she keeps in there.” Lisette gave me a side eye, a huge smirk on her face.

My brows knitted together and I dropped the towel on the counter and pulled the dishwasher open.

“Seriously, mom?”

Inside was a rack full of cooking sheets and cutting boards.

“She uses it as storage,” Lisette laughed and I followed right along. “So. Are you excited to move into your new place?” She handed me a freshly washed bowl.

My eyes fixated on that ceramic bowl as I took it from her and dried it far past when it was done.

“Yeah. I am.” My voice was small and not very convincing.

“I’m sorry, Cami. That’s–”

“No. Don’t apologize. As a family, we need to be able to talk about my new life without feeling guilty or sad. It’s just a big change, you know?”

I realized everyone had been tip toeing around me all evening, trying to avoid saying his name or anything to do with my life B.D. –Before Death. It was almost as if they were pretending he was still around, making comments or asking questions while effectively being non-direct about anything to do specifically with Robbie.

“I am really looking forward to being so close to you and Dre and Maddie.”

From the kitchen I looked out into the den where Maddie had her chubby little fingers wrapped around Dre’s giant hands as he helped her wobble walk to where daddy was knelt down.

Maddie was the perfect combination of her parents. Her hair was blonde and wavy just like Lisette. That big, bright smile was all her, too.

But her skin was a beautiful soft olive tone and her eyes were the same striking whiskey color that Dre had. The same color all of the Villalobos children had. It was how everyone knew we were related.

Looking at her, I couldn’t help but wonder if our daughter would have resembled Maddie. If we’d have had a child, would he have taken after me with dark hair and tan skin? Or would she favor her dad with sandy blonde hair and blue eyes?

I could imagine Robbie standing there, holding on to his own daughter's hands, helping her take her first steps.

For the last three years I pushed Robbie about having a baby, but he would always say, “let’s wait another year”. Or, “the business is so busy. I think we should hold off until things settle down”.

Now I wonder if the real reason he didn’t want to have a child was because he knew he wouldn’t be here to help raise him or her.

“Camille?” Lisette’s voice snapped me out of my fog.

“Hm? What was that?”

“What time will the moving truck be here, tomorrow?”

“Oh. Uh, they texted and said they should be here before noon. They’re staying in Baton Rouge for the night.”

“Okay. Then I’ll be there by lunchtime. I took off the next two days to help you unpack.” My sister-in-law pulled the plug on the sink drain and dried her hands on a towel.

“Lisette. You don’t have to do that. I have plenty of time on my hands. No job, remember.”

She tossed the towel on the counter and propped her hands on her hips.“Hush and quit being stubborn. My mom is watching Maddie and Dre has the rest of the week off. We’re helping you and that’s the end of it.”

She stepped closer and wrapped her arms around me and squeezed harder than I thought her tiny five foot two frame could possibly do.

I hugged her back and pushed through the lump in my throat. “Thank you, Lis. You’re my favorite sister-in-law.”

She pulled back and looked up at me. “I’m your only sister-in-law. Well, for now anyway. I’m sure Dre’s next wife will be a major bitch,” she teased.

“If that’s the case, you’ll get me in the divorce and she and Cathia can be best friends. Birds of a feather and all.”

We both laughed until tears were falling from something other than heartbreak.

The moving truck had come and gone two days ago, and my family and I hadn’t stopped until the last glass was sitting perfectly in my newly lined cabinets.

My body ached from the hair on my head to the very last toenail. My eyes were growing blurry and droopy from sleeping just a few hours each night.

The new furniture had been delivered, and the five of us –momma, daddy, Dre, Lisette and I– didn’t stop until my house looked like a model home.

Momma insisted we get it all done right away so that if I wanted to buy anything new, I knew everything I had and didn’t.

Lisette, the master organizer, had set up my closet like a woman's dream. My clothes were hung and separated by color and season, and my shoes and purses were displayed like works of art.

The master closet was huge with his and hers separate sides. Momma protested when I hung up some of Robbie’s things that I just couldn’t part with. It was the same way she objected to the office that we filled with his desk and cracked chair and all of his college memorabilia.

I just wasn’t ready to part with everything. Many items were donated or tossed because they were unnecessary. But I just couldn’t part with all of his things, his memories. It was all I had left of him and neither my heart not my head could stand to let it all go.

The clothes I kept still smelled faintly of him and it was a comfort every time I stepped foot in there. The notepad that he had on his desk still had a list of things to do at the office, and his pens still sat in his Vanderbilt mug.

When I rubbed my hand over his writing, I could practically feel his fingers when they ran through my hair on movie nights as I laid in his lap.

I did my best to put his desk back just as he had left it, including that damn picture that now sat in a new frame.

With everything in its place, I could pretend he was away on a business trip. A very long trip in a far away land.

“Here, sis.” Dre handed me a cold bottle of beer and took a seat in between Lisette and me where we sat on the back patio, staring up at the big Texas sky.

The treefrogs were croaking and the sound of the crickets playing their song echoed through the quiet night.

“This is an amazing backyard,” Lisette said, relaxing back on the couch.

“When I saw it I knew it’d be perfect for Maddie to learn to swim, and for a dog or two to run around in.”

The back patio stretched out to a big pool surrounded by lush, tropical trees and plants. A cave-like waterfall sat at one end of the pool, and the soft flow of the water was a soothing sound.

Beyond the pool was a firepit that I could already picture my family gathered around on those few cool nights.

My new home sat on an acre of land that backed to a small lake. It was just the kind of place Robbie would’ve loved.

“What’s on your agenda for the next week?” Dre looked at me with a curious eye and I wondered what he was getting at.

“I’ll probably head out to Talbert Ranch and say hi to Mr. and Mrs. T. I want to ask if I could help with the horses. I’ve got to do something other than sit around in this big house all day.”

Dre looked at me and then at Lisette, the two of them exchanging a look.

“What? What’s that look for?”

Dre cleared his throat and leaned forward, resting his forearms on his knees. “The Talbert’s don’t own the ranch anymore.”

“They retired about a year ago and moved to New Mexico,” Lisette said and stuck the pin into my bubble, bursting it apart.

“Great. Now what am I supposed to do?”

“I’m sure the new owner would be happy to talk to you and see if there’s room for you to help out.” Dre took a long pull of his beer and watched me out of the corner of his eye.

“Who’s the new owner, Dre, and why are you acting so weird? Weirder than usual.”

He let out a small cough before clearing his throat and laying down some big news.

“Vaughan McCallan owns it now.”

If it wasn’t for the frogs and crickets, Dre and Lis would’ve been able to hear my gut hit the floor as it fell out of my ass.

Lisette’s eyes flitted between mine and my brother’s, trying to get a read on me.

“I don’t know the entire story, but Dre and Alma told me enough to know the break-up wasn’t…pleasant,” Lis said, twisting in her spot to look at me. “But don’t you think enough time has passed that you two could handle being around each other? You were kids when you broke up and I imagine you’ve both grownup quite a bit. Time is a healing hand.”

Lisette didn’t know us growing up, so she wouldn’t be privy to the whole debacle that ended mine and Vaughan’s relationship. So she wouldn’t understand how seeing or even being near Vaughan was something that would never happen. The destruction Vaughan caused couldn’t be healed with all the time in the world.

Nine

CAMILLE

THEN

I t had been six weeks, five days and seventeen hours since I’d last seen Vaughan in person. His football schedule at Florida State kept him so busy that sleep was a luxury.

But one thing Vaughan did make time for was our nightly talks and daily texts. It didn’t matter how exhausted he was, he always called if just to say he missed me and loved me.

What he didn’t know was that I was planning to go to his Homecoming game at the end of September. Just three more weeks.

I laid on my stomach on my bed, a book spread out in front of me as I read the next chapter for my class. I kept an eye on the time and knew Vaughan would be calling any minute.

My roommates –my best friends Viv and CeCe– along with our fourth roommate Aubrey, were in a small communal room watching some reality show that I couldn’t care less about.

I jumped when my phone rang and sat up to answer.

“Hi honey,” I said, the smile on my face as wide as the Cheshire cat.

“Hi babe.” Vaughan’s voice was solemn and he seemed so distant.

“What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

“Cam…I can’t do it anymore.” My stomach bottomed out and my nose began to sting.

“Wh-what can't you do anymore?” My voice trembled.

“I can’t be so far from you anymore. This sucks and I hate it. I think I want to quit and transfer to Baylor with you next semester.”

My body relaxed and my heart rate returned to normal.

“Vaughan, you can’t do that. You have a scholarship and an amazing opportunity. I hate being away from you, too, but I promise we’ll make it work. Once your season is over, we’ll be able to make more trips to see each other.

“I told you I’m looking at my schedule to see what games I can make it to. And don’t forget we have Thanksgiving and Christmas break to look forward to.” I did my best to cheer him up even though the thought of him transferring made me giddy with hope.

“Those breaks will be short. And if we make any bowl games, there’s a chance I won’t get to see you at Christmas.”

“Okay. Well if that happens, you know my family and yours will be there in the stands to cheer you on. Don’t forget we’ll have an entire week for spring break. Viv and CeCe have already been looking at houses to rent in Panama Beach even though I told them we’ll have to wait until January.”

“I don’t want to wait weeks to see you. I want to be with you everyday. Screw football. I’ll just get my business degree like you and figure out what I want to do after graduation.” His voice was sad and so unlike my Vaughan who was always happy and jovial.

“Vaughan,” I adjusted myself on my twin sized bed and took a deep breath. “Listen to me. Everyday without you sucks. I want to be near just as badly as you do. But I won’t let you throw away your scholarship and the possibility of being drafted because you miss me. You’ve worked so hard to get to where you are. Do you know how many guys would switch places with you in a heartbeat?”

“Find one, then. Tell him there’ll be an open spot waiting for him.”

“No, Vaughan. How about this? The season just started so you haven’t even really gotten a lot of play time. I’m positive that will change. Finish out the season and the school year. If after the semester ends and you still don’t want to be there, then I’ll help you talk with your parents and do whatever I need to do to see about getting you a transfer.”

He didn’t speak right away. All I could hear was his deep breaths as he inhaled and exhaled.

“You can handle a few more months, can’t you? By December you’ll know if you want to play next season or not, and then the big decision can be made.”

The silence stretched until he finally spoke up. “Okay. I’ll do that. But if I don’t change my mind come the new year, I’m done.”

“Okay. Just give it a try. That’s all I ask.”

“Have I told you how much I love you and how amazing you are?”

“You have but one could never grow tired of hearing it again.”

“I love you, Cami.”

“I love you, too, Vaughan.”

Three weeks had come and gone at the speed of molasses, but I was finally on a plane and on my way to see Vaughan.

I hadn’t told him I was coming and booked a flight for the time I knew he would be busy with practice.

When I landed, I took a cab straight to campus and double-checked the map to where his housing was.

I knew I wouldn’t be let into his room, but hopefully they’d let me wait in the lobby.

I had his schedule memorized down to the last minute of his day, so I knew when he’d be walking through to his room.

When I got there it was just as I suspected. I wouldn’t be let up to his room, but I plopped down into the comfy sofas and waited for him. I only had to wait thirty minutes before I heard the familiar timber of his voice.

“V, are you coming out with us tonight?” One of his friends asked.

“Nah. I don’t think I’ll be going to any party any time soon. The last thing I want is to see St– Camille?” I watched as he stopped after he spotted me sitting on the couch.

“Hey,” I said casually, like me sitting there was nothing new.

“Camille. You’re here.” He dropped his duffle bag and ran to me, lifting me up off the couch and into his arm.

He wrapped his arms around me and held me so tight and close that a wisp of air wouldn’t fit between us.

He pulled back just enough so he could pepper kisses all over my face, jaw and neck. He buried his head in the crook of my neck and breathed me in.

“What…how are you here, right now?” His eyes were wide with an emotion I couldn’t quite pinpoint.

“Surprise! Happy?” I asked, my feet still dangling off the ground.

“So happy. I can’t even tell you how much.” He kissed me on the lips, hard and long, then finally set me on my feet. “C’mon. Let’s go. Brady,” he called out to one of the guys standing nearby. “Can you give us an hour alone?”

The guy who I assume was Brady nodded and said, “sure. Just text me when you’re…done.”

“Thanks,” he said and grabbed my hand and bag and bolted for the stairs. “The elevator takes too long and I can’t wait one more minute.

The game was amazing. Fans were wild. Much more wild than those at Baylor. But it was Florida football, so I should’ve suspected as much.

Vaughan’s team won and he even played during the second half, scoring one touchdown.

I think I screamed louder than anyone in the stadium. I was sure he could hear me shouting his name.

Before I knew it, the weekend was over and I was headed back to Texas.

Our goodbye at the airport was long and full of tears. But I assured him I’d look at his schedule for a game closer to home so I could go.

We kissed again and parted ways, not letting go of each other's hands until our arms could stretch no further.

Thanksgiving took its sweet ass time getting here, but it finally made it.

Vaughan was due to land any minute and I sat impatiently waiting for him. One by one, I examined every face that came down the escalator until he appeared.

I skipped all the way to him and jumped in his arms the second he cleared the last step.

“I missed you so much,” I painted between kisses. “C’mon. Let’s get your luggage and get home as fast as possible. My parents aren’t home from work yet, so we have some time alone.”

I tugged him to the parking garage and practically tore off the door off its hinges to get inside.

Vaughan was unusually quiet on our drive, but I figured he was tired from his grueling schedule. His team had made a bowl game, so Christmas would be spent watching him from the stands.

When we finally got to my house, I ran inside and started to pull him up to my room.

“Cam, can we take a walk? I want to talk to you first?” He asked, stopping at the bottom of the stairs.

“Sure. You okay?” He nodded then led me out to the back of my parents property to the swing that was set in the corner.

I sat down but he stood in front of me.

“You know you’re my life, right?” I nodded and grew increasingly worried. “I love you more than anything and I plan to spend the rest of my life here and in the afterlife with you. That has never changed.”

He swallowed and I watched as his eyes began to glisten.

“Vaughan? What’s wrong? You’re scaring me?”

“I did something stupid. I didn’t mean to. Honestly I don’t even know how it happened.”

“Wh-what did you do, Vaughan?”

“I…I slept with someone else.”

I felt like someone had just stabbed me in the heart and my feet began to slide as my world crumbled.

He cheated on me.

All this time I’d spent thinking only about him, and he was cheating on me.

“How many?” I ground out through my teeth.

“Huh? How many wha-“

“How many girls did you sleep with, Vaughan? How long have you been cheating on me?”

“No. No, Cam. It’s not like that I swear. I don’t even fucking remember doing anything with this chick, but she swears—“

“Shut up!” I screamed. “Just shut up.”

Tears streamed down my face, replacing my anger.

“How could you do this to me? To us? I would never cheat on you.”

“I know. And neither would I. I don’t even know how it happened. It was like, one minute I was sitting with the guys and the next-“

“I know exactly how it happened. You, Mr. Big Football Star, probably had girls throwing themselves at you, so you decided to sample the buffet.”

“No. It wasn’t like that. I was out of it. It was like a bad dream.” He dropped to his knees in front of me and grabbed my hands. “I honestly don’t remember anything. I would never hurt you. I swear it.”

I turned away from him. I couldn’t look in his eyes because the pain was too much. I knew this was hurting him just as much as it was hurting me. It was obvious in his voice and how he cried. But the fact didn’t change.

He had sex with someone who wasn’t me.

“It doesn’t matter because you did.” I yanked my hands out of his and pushed to my feet.

He fell backwards but scrambled to get up. I began walking away from him but he followed.

“I don’t know what happened, Cam. Honestly.” His voice was choked with emotion.

“Oh, I know. You fucked another girl! You forgot who I was and let your dick do the thinking!”

“I didn’t forget you. There’s not a minute of the day that I’m not thinking about you.”

“Except for the minutes you were fucking someone else!” I screeched at a decibel I didn’t know possible for a human.

“Please, baby. Let me explain the whole story. Then you’ll see—“

“See what? What a lying scumbag you really are?” I spun around to face him and saw the pain all over his face.

“I can’t lose you,” he whispered. “Please? We can work through this. If you’ll just listen to me.”

I straightened my spine and swiped away the tears that were falling.

“I don’t want to hear another word you have to say. It won’t matter because we’re through. I never want to see you again.” My voice was surprisingly steady as I laid down the gauntlet.

“No. No, no, no. Please, baby, please. Don’t end it. We can work through it. I’ll transfer just like I wanted to do and—“

“There’s nothing to work through. We’re over. Go back to Florida to your whore who you can fuck anytime you want. But leave me alone.” I turned my back to him and walked back to the house.

I threw open the sliding doors and raced inside.

“Cam. Please wait.” Vaughan chased after me and I ran faster.

I flew up the stairs and made it to my room. But before I could slam the door, he was there.

“It was one time. I swear. And it will never, ever happen again. Just let me explain. Once you hear the whole story you’ll see the truth.”

“You’re right. It won’t happen again. Not with me, anyway.” I stood at the threshold of my room, him on one side and me on the other. “I hate you, Vaughan McCallan. You’ve ruined my life and I will never forgive. Leave.”

“No, Cami. Not until we can talk and you hear it all.”

“I said LEAVE! Before I call my dad and brother. Get the fuck out of my house and never come back.” I stood back and slammed the door in his face, twisting the lock and trapping me inside.

I sat on the floor, my ear pressed to the door waiting to hear him leave.

What I heard were sobs and pleas. But I didn’t budge. I muffled my cries with my hands. Minutes passed until finally I heard the front door open and slam behind him.

When he was finally gone, I let myself break apart.

I was broken. So broken, and nothing or no one would ever be able to fix me.

Vaughan spent the following weeks texting and calling me incessantly. I thought about blocking his number, but I just couldn’t do it.

He sent flowers with cards I didn’t read, but he told my best friends how sorry he was and how he’d do anything to get me back.

I felt my walls beginning to crack with every voicemail I listened to where he cried and begged me to forgive him until the system cut him off.

I stuck everyone of his emails into a folder that maybe one day, I’d be able to read.

My resolve was slipping the more my friends talked to me and told me something more must’ve happened for Vaughan to cheat on me. They didn’t think it was possible that he would do something like that just because.

I hadn’t thought he would do that to me at one time either.

Finally, one week before Christmas, the phone calls, the texts, the emails all stopped. It was almost a relief but a panic still remained.

He’d given up and I couldn't decide if I was relieved or sad about it.

It wasn’t until after his bowl game —that I watched in secret— that I heard the news that drove me away forever.

He had a girlfriend and she was pregnant.

The girl he cheated on me with was going to have his baby.

Not me.

Any morsel of hope I held that maybe, just maybe, we could work things out melted away.

We’d never be us again. The knife had been planted in my heart and I felt dead inside.

Vaughan would be a dad but not to my child.

The following summer I heard that Vaughan got married and I finally blocked his number and erased him from my life.

For good.

Ten

CAMILLE

“W hat do you think of this one?” Cathia held up a summery kimono in bright shades of pink and green and purple.

“Cute. Not my style, but definitely you.” I yanked the giant straw sunhat that I was trying on and placed it back on the mannequin head.

“True. Your style is more…lonely spinster. Mine is wild and carefree and fun.” I looked at Cathia and stuck my tongue out at her before walking away to find Viv and Cece.

We were wandering the aisles of the Sunday art market after having brunch with Cathia, Vivian and Cece. We decided that since I was back, we’d start meeting a couple times a month for brunch and shopping. Today was our first official girl’s brunch and we needed to walk off our mimosas before driving home.

“Cam!” A too loud voice called out. I spun to see Vivian waving frantically at me. “C’mere.”

I moseyed over to where she and CeCe were holding up a pair of sparkly cowboy boots.

“Wow. Sparkly. Where you planning on wearing those?” I asked her.

“Not me. You. And you’re going to wear these when we have a Welcome Home Cami party next weekend.” Viv’s shiny red hair was piled on top of her head in a cute bun, little tendrils fell loosely framing her face.

Meanwhile, my naturally wavy hair was a frizzy mess from the humidity we were already experiencing in Houston.

“I’m sorry. Did you just say I’m having a welcome home party?”

“Yup. Next week at Billy’s Long Bar. Invites have been sent and the theme is Cowboy Up.” CeCe sorted through a basket of accessories. “Ooo! These ones.” She held a pair of shiny and very large chandelier style earrings.

“Is that for your dining room ‘cause I know you aren’t suggesting she wear those hideous things with these amazing boots.” Viv curled her lip and gave CeCe an offended look.

“Hideous? Are you saying I have bad taste and that I’d decorate my home with something ugly?” CeCe swung her blunt cut black hair over her shoulder looking like she was readying herself for a fight.

“Helloooo? What party? What invites? And why am I just now hearing of it?” I waved my hand in between the two of them, calling a time out before things got ugly.

Viv and CeCe exchanged a look then went to their respective corners.

“We didn’t want to tell you until we had all the details in order, but you’ve been back for a month and people are dying to see you.” Viv snatched the offensive earrings from CeCe and tossed them back into the basket they came from.

“We found the boots so now you just need a fun outfit. It has to meet the required dress code.”

I followed CeCe and Viv over to where Cathia was holding an assortment of outfits.

She held them out to me and I said, “et tu, Bruté?”

“I don’t know what that means but go try these on. There’s a little changing area over there.” She shoved the clothes into my arms, spun me around and pushed me in the direction of the fitting booth. Room was a stretch.

“You all are in on this?” I snapped.

“Yes ma’am. And your brother and Lisette. It was one big secret because we knew you’d object now hurry up so we can go get another drink. My buzz is wearing off.” CeCe popped up on her toes and peeked over the top of the curtain. “Don’t forget the boots.”

I began sorting through the outfits and immediately rejected two of them. If I was gonna have to wear rhinestone boots, I was vetoing studs and chains when it came to the clothes.

I pulled off my dress and tried on the first dress that didn’t make me gag.

“How do you know I’m not already busy next weekend?”

It was silent for a beat then a cackle of riotous laughter broke out.

“Hey. That’s rude.” I stuck my head out of the curtain and saw them all bent over.

“Oh Jesus. I’m gonna pee my pants.” CeCe was crossing her legs and clenching her thighs.

“Wha-what plans do you have? You going with your parents to bingo night at the rec center?” Viv snorted, her eyes streaking tears over her cheeks.

“No, ‘cause even mom and dad have plans to go out. They don’t want Cam as a third wheel.” Cathia could barely catch her breath and I reached out and pinched her arm. “Ow! Bitch.”

“Takes one to know one.” I stepped back into the fitting room and tore off the dress. It was too frilly. Not me.

“What day is this ‘homecoming party’ supposed to happen?” I held up a dress to my body and tilted my head side to side, trying to envision what it would look like on me.

Shaking my head, I tossed it with the other rejects and went on to the next.

“Saturday,” Viv answered. “That way we can recoup and Sunday brunch together. We’ll just stay at your place since you live closest to Billy’s. We’ll be there at five to get ready and pre-game.”

Pre-game is what we called it in college when we would drink in our dorm room to get a buzz before hitting the few bars we had in Waco.

“Oh, so not only am I being forced against my will to attend this yeehaw shindig, but you guys are just inviting yourselves to stay at my house?” I acted annoyed but reality was I was getting kind of excited.

I needed some time with my girls. A sleepover was the perfect thing.

“Yes,” they all said at once.

I rolled my eyes and slipped into a dress that had potential. I zipped the side up and took a step back.

The stretchy denim material hugged my body and sported a complete open back. The neckline was high to balance out the back cleavage, and the sleeves stopped at the shoulder with a flutter.

Fun, flirty and definitely cowboy up enough.

I pulled back the curtain and stepped out to show the girls.

“Shut the front door! You look freaking hot,” CeCe —my Amazonian, drop dead gorgeous Indian friend— gasped.

“Cam…that’s the one. Here,” Viv walked away and came back holding a creamy white cowboy hat. “This will look ace. Put it on.”

I took it from her and placed it on my head then adjusted it once I was facing the mirror.

I smiled, feeling a little happier and a little lighter than yesterday. I liked what I saw in the mirror and was getting better every day. Moments like these with my best girls were definitely helping.

“You gotta get it all, sissy. It’s perfect.” I looked up in the mirror to see Cathia looking back at me.

“I think I will,” I replied.

I paid for my homecoming outfit and we made our way through the market, stopping for drink refills and to browse other booths. During our stroll I spotted a booth with artwork that looked interesting, so I told the others I’d catch up with them.

“Hello,” a woman with silver hair said as I stepped in.

“Hi there. Your work is beautiful.”

“Thank you. Feel free to let me know if you have any questions.”

I dipped my chin at her and began wandering through the paintings.

My eyes scanned the beautiful abstracts and realistic paintings, but I continued to be drawn to one particular painting that hung in the front of the booth.

It was a gorgeous scenery of tall white oak trees with lush green leaves, grown together forming the most enchanting canopy. Tree limbs reached out like arms longing to hold the other, and they twisted and tangled together. A small path beneath the canopy was lit by the fading afternoon sun.

The painting was calm and soothing. It was everything that I needed in my life right now. Something to calm the constant conflict storming inside of me. A soothing hand to ease my aching soul.

I stood there staring at it for far too long, lost in the beauty.

“This one is my favorite,” a young voice said, startling me from my reflection.

“Excuse me?” I asked.

“This painting is my favorite of all of them. I’ve seen it here before when I’ve come with my Gran. I always ask her if I can buy it, but I guess it’s kind of expensive or something ‘cause she just laughs and says ‘sure kiddo’.” The little girl shrugged her shoulders like it was so absurd that the adult in her life wouldn’t be okay with dishing out a couple thousand dollars for a hand painting of trees.

“You have good taste. This is my favorite, too. I love it so much that I was thinking of buying it. But if it’s on your wish list, maybe I shouldn’t.”

I looked at the girl and was taken by her innocence and beauty.

She had long, light brown hair that was split into two french braids that hung down her back. She was tall but had a young, cherubic face. What stood out most to me was her piercing green eyes.

They were a myriad of greens, from dark to light, starting at the outer ring. Flecks of gold shone in the sunlight with a bright ring of an almost yellow color right around her pupil.

“No. You gotta buy it. I don’t know when I’ll be able to afford it. Gran and Pop said they’d give me money for chores, and dad pays me for helping out with the horses but it’s still not enough. At the rate they’re paying me, I won’t be able to afford it for two years.” She rolled her eyes, making me laugh.

“Dagen? Where are you?” The young girl standing next to me jumped and her eyes grew larger than life.

“Uh oh,” she muttered.

“Dagen Rayne. What are you doing all the way over h–” I turned around and the woman froze in her tracks and her words.

My heart must have climbed into my throat because I could feel it beating fast, robbing me of words.

“Camille?” The woman stepped closer, shock in her eyes.

The same eyes as the young girl. The same eyes as her son.

“Oh my gosh. It is you.” She stepped right in front of me and took my hands in hers.

“H-hi Maxine,” I finally choked out.

She’d aged over the last twelve years, but she was just as beautiful. Her dark blonde hair had streaks of white and she had wrinkles at the corners of her eyes and mouth. But it was those eyes that made her unforgettable.

“Gran. You know her?” The young girl asked.

“I do, Day.”

The young girl looked at me again, really studying my features. A look of recognition crossed her face like a light switch being turned on.

“Your daddy’s friend from high school! We have a picture of you in our living room.” She shouted with excitement.

“What did you say?” I asked.

“Um…daddy has a picture of you and him at our house. And don’t tell him I know this, but there’s one of you in his wallet. I saw it when I was looking for money. I wasn’t stealing. Honest. He said I could get a dollar for the ice cream truck.”

I looked from this girl who I now realized looked just like her dad, to Maxine who looked just like him.

“Your Vaughan’s daughter,” I whispered and felt my heart sink from my throat to my toes.

This sweet, beautiful young girl was part of the reason why I never saw her dad after that Thanksgiving twelve years ago.

“I-I need to get going. My friends…” I trailed off and looked around, searching for Viv or Cece or Cathia to come save me. “Nice seeing you Maxine.”

I pulled my hands from hers and smiled at the both of them before spinning and walking away.

“Wait,” the young girl’s voice called out. “Didn’t you want to buy the painting?”

I looked back over my shoulder and shook my head then gave her a tight smile small and small wave before disappearing in the crowd.

Eleven

CAMILLE

“C ome on, Cam. Shots are waiting.” Cathia yelled from the kitchen where she and Vivian and CeCe were waiting for me.

It was the night of my homecoming party, and the girls were dressed and ready to go.

I was stalling, nervous about seeing people I hadn’t spoken to in years. I just knew that instead of the quasi high school reunion Cathia, Viv and Cece thought it was going to be, it would turn into a sympathy party for poor widowed Camille.

I swiped the smooth red of my favorite Gucci lipstick over my lips and dabbed the corners of my mouth. I had on my dress I had bought at the art market along with the freaking rhinestone boots the girls made me buy. My wavy hair was tamed into long waves and my creamy Stetson sat proudly on my head.

I flicked off the lights and made my way into the kitchen to get a little pregaming in.

“Shots, shots, shots shots shots,’ CeCe sang when I walked in. Seems it was our theme song.

“I’m having one shot. I do not want to show up looking like a drunk sorority girl during rush week when I see the high school gang for the first time in several years.”

In high school, we had a great group of friends that were close all four years. Friends got added and some left but for the most part, our core group was tight.

When we left for college, the mass of us stayed in state which made it easy to meet for weekends or on breaks. Only a couple moved away. Bishop left to play baseball at LSU –close enough to visit often– and Vaughan was in Florida.

He promised it wouldn’t affect the friendships and dynamic of the group, but we know how that story ended.

As far as I know, he stayed in contact with the guys, but I assumed it was few and far between since he was in Florida with his happy little family.

Thinking of his family brought me back to meeting his daughter last weekend.

She looked so much like him. My heart ached wondering if our daughter would’ve looked like her. If he hadn’t cheated on me, I wonder how many kids we’d have had by now. Three like I wanted, or five like Vaughan insisted on. He said we needed lots of kids to manage the horse farm we were planning to have one day.

Life has a funny way of kicking you in the gut when you think you have it all.

“Earth to Camille? You gonna slam that shot, or just stare at it and hope the alcohol soaks by osmosis?” Vivian snapped her fingers in front of my face.

I looked up to find all three of them staring at me like I was a new species that just landed on earth.

“Sorry. Got lost for a minute. Let’s do it!” I picked up the glass and held it high above my head. “To amazing friends who are always there to help you stand when you’re too weak. Who wipe away the tears when you’re sad, and who make you laugh when all else seems lost. You three are the best friends I’ve ever had and I don’t think I’d be here without you. Love you.”

A small tear formed in the corner of my as I choked out the last words of my toast.

“Love you, too,” they said, all with the same emotion floating in their eyes.

“Slamma Jamma,” CeCe yelled, chanting what we would say in high school when the gang would start off a party night.

We clink our glasses on the counter and throw the shots back and come away with a shiver. Some things never change, and quivering after the burn and bite of a tequila shot is one of them.

“Okay ladies. Time to get our cowboy on. Or rather, time to get on a cowboy. Yeehaw!!” Viv pulled her black Stetson off her head and waved in the air while gyrating her hips like she was riding a bucking bronco.

“Oh Lord. One of you better control that hot mess. It’s my party so I shouldn’t have to be on babysitting duty.” I laughed and Viv smacked me with her hat before returning it to her head.

“Uber’s here.” Cathia grabbed the glasses and plopped them in the sink while CeCe twisted the cap back on the bottle and I wiped off the counter.

Viv grabbed everyone’s purses and we followed her out like ducklings following their momma.

A black SUV sat in my circular driveway and the window rolled down as we walked closer.

“Hi. Matt?” Cathia asked.

“That’s me. You Cathia?”

She nodded her head and told us, “pile in ladies. Short stacks in the back. CeCe, your spider limbs are in the middle row.”

Cathia opened the door and we climbed in. Me and Viv stepped between the captain’s chairs to the third row, while Cat and CeCe took the middle seats.

Once we were in and buckled, our driver Matt put the car in drive and pulled out of the driveway.

“You ladies headed out for a girl’s night?” he asked.

“It’s a welcome home party for our girl,” CeCe answered and pointed back at me.

“Oh, well then welcome home. Where were you before returning home?”

“Uh, I was in North Carolina for the past six years.”

“Nice place. What brought you back to Texas?” It was an innocent question by a stranger just making small talk, but it was one I was quite ready to lay the truth about.

“It was just time. I missed my family and friends,” was the best explanation I could give him.

He responded with a simple, “cool”.

We chatted about mundane things until we pulled up at the bar.

“If you ladies need a ride home, you can request me and I’ll get you there safely. I’m on duty until two-thirty so you can just message me.”

“Thank you, Matty,” CeCe purred, having donned him with a nickname.

He was definitely handsome and CeCe and Cathia had made easy work of flirting with him.

As for me, I was not ready to even go there. I don’t know that I’ll ever be ready to be with another man. The two men in my life that I loved so deeply left me. I think I’ve had enough love and loss to last a lifetime.

“Thanks,” we said and stepped out.

He waved and drove off as we walked up to the entrance.

A large, bulky man stood at the door and eyed us as we made our way to him.

“Hello, big guy.” Once again CeCe, the notorious flirt, called out to him. “We’re here for the party. This,” she said, turning and pointing to me. “Is our girl who came home.”

He dipped his chin and with a low, gravely voice said, “welcome home, beautiful. I just need id’s to confirm and then y’all are free to come on in.”

One by one we handed him our id’s and he stepped aside and let us in.

“Have a good night ladies.”

Billy’s Long Bar hadn’t changed much since my last visit. It was, as the name implied, a long bar.

The place was a converted warehouse from the eighties that was longer than it was wide. It looked like your typical country bar. High top tables and horseshoe booths scattered about. A –you guessed it– long bar on one side. Bartenders and waitresses were dressed like sexy extras straight out of Urban Cowboy. At the far end was a wooden dance floor and stage where a band played every weekend and a couple pool tables were tucked into a corner.

The vibe was all Texas and it made me feel like I’d truly come home.

“There,” Cathia said, jutting her chin to a section filled with older versions of the high school and college kids I loved so much.

“Hey!”

“She’s back!”

“Cami babe!”

Friends called out as I moved closer. I was shocked by the amount of people who showed up to celebrate me. Especially since I’d been such a bad friend at keeping in touch the last few years.

Living on the other side of the country made you forget your homebase and those who had always been there when you needed them most.

With glassy eyes and a bullfrog in my throat, I made my way around the group giving tight hugs and thank you’s for coming.

I made it to one guy who I hadn’t seen in so many years, and I hesitated for only a moment until he opened his arms wide and I fell into them.

“Bish.” I choked out. “Man, I’ve missed you.”

Bishop Winston was Vaughan’s best friend since childhood and as a result, I became the closest with him. We spent a lot of time as a three-some back in the day. The three amigos, we were deemed by the others because of how close we were.

After everything went down with Vaughan, Bishop kept in close touch with me. Checking that I was okay, telling me I should give Vaughan a chance to explain, and being understanding when I said I never wanted to hear his name again after finding out he was going to be dad.

He went on to play catcher for a Major League Baseball team, but had a shorter career than he would’ve liked due to a serious injury when a player collided with him at home plate that led to a major concussion and serious labral tear in his throwing shoulder.

I followed his career closely and I knew he had surgery and rehab and returned to play another season. But when he made his retirement speech, he said he was never the same and chose to go out when baseball was still a joy and not a job.

“Cami girl. I missed you, sweetheart.”

He hugged me for a long time and when we separated he swiped away the tear that had fallen down my cheek.

“This is a night of celebration and I already reached out when everything…” he didn’t finish his sentence knowing I knew what he would say. “So I’ll say this once and then never mention it again. I am so sorry you lost your husband. It’s generic and I’m sure you’ve heard a million times. But I hope that you know how sincere I am.”

I nodded my head and batted my eyelashes rapidly to ward off the tears that threatened to fall.

“Now. No more of that. This is a happy occasion. Our girl is back!” He shouted the last part and our friends let our whoops and hollers.

Bishop tucked me into his side with a hug and kissed the top of my head. “Let’s get this cowgirl a beer!”

He escorted me to one of the tables where Jimmy and Carys sat. They were part of our group who had a hate-hate relationship in high school. Apparently that was a cover as they both held secret crushes on each other. Now they are happily married with two kids.

We chatted about now and then until someone else came to steal a minute of my time.

This went on for the next hour until the band took the stage and everyone grabbed a partner for spins across the floor.

I was mid laughter and mid spin as I danced with another one of the guys when my eyes locked with a pair of greens I never thought I’d see again in this lifetime.

Vaughan McCallan.

Twelve

VAUGHAN

I  pull up to Billy’s and shut off my truck but didn’t make a move to get out.

I was nervous and rethinking about being here for about the tenth time in the last hour. I don’t even know how many times I turned around to go home only to turn back around and head in this direction.

Camille Villalobos was never far from my thoughts over the last twelve years, but it seems like she occupied every minute over the last week since Dagen and mom came home after their visit to the art fair and told me that she was back.

Dagen came in jumping with glee, telling me she met the pretty lady in the picture and pointed to the photo that sat in a place of honor on the shelf in our family room.

I jerked around to ask my mom if it was true so fast, I felt lightheaded. Mom didn’t have to say a word. I saw the truth in her eyes and that was all it took to send my heart soaring.

Then Bishop called me a couple days ago and said the girls were throwing Cami a welcome party at Billy’s and that I should come. I immediately rejected the idea knowing that I was the last person on earth Cami would want to see. But I couldn’t deny that I was longing to get just a glimpse of her.

Did she have the same beautiful smile that made the world standstill when she pointed it in my direction? Did those whiskey eyes hold the same happiness they did when we were younger? Or had I ruined the Cami I had loved so much?

It took five more calls and dozens of texts from Bish, and a long conversation with mom to convince me to at least make an appearance tonight.

I knew everyone from the group was coming because I still saw them often since moving back home four years ago. But it still took a lot of convincing to get me to agree.

I opened my door and stepped out, telling myself I would watch from afar and not bother Cami. I’d soak in every detail of Cami now –memorize the woman she’s grown into– then leave before she sees me. I was convinced I was strong enough to resist the pull she had on me.

Famous last words.

I flashed my ID to the bouncer since he already knew me fairly well and walked through the old wooden door.

Rowdy laughter and chatter hit me the minute I stepped inside. There were some faces I didn't recognize and I assumed they were just your typical Saturday night Billy regulars. But the majority of the patrons were those from our high school crew and they took up a large portion of the bar nearest the dance floor.

I weaved through the people, saying hellos and shaking hands as I went, all the while I kept an eye out for Cami. I saw Bish at one of the pool tables talking to Viv and made my way towards him.

“Yeah, but do you really think the Wranglers would trade for him? I mean, he missed an entire season after his injury,” I heard Viv say as I got closer.

“Because he had Tommy John surgery! Of course he missed the entire season. The guy was rehabbing. The Wranglers would be fools not to make a play for him. He’s the perfect addition to their pitching lineup and an All-Star starter. C’mon, Viv. I know you’re smarter than that,” Bishop protests.

Viv crosses her arms over her chest and gives him a skeptical look. “Well, I don’t think he’s all that great.”

“You’re just saying that because of what happened in co–” Viv shot her hand up –because she’s as small as a sprite– and clamped it over Bishop’s mouth.

“Don’t…say it. We don’t talk about that, remember?” Bish nodded his head then mumbled something when he saw me.

“What?” Vivian asked, pulling her hand away from his mouth.

“I said, Vaughan is here!” Bishop raised his arms and the beer in his hand sloshed.

Viv swung around and eyed me head to toe. Her gaze went from shocked to confused to pissed off in a nanosecond. She was obviously not expecting me to be here.

“What is he doing here?” she asked, her eyes narrowing at me.

“I invited him.” Bishop threw his hand over my shoulders and effectively spilling beer on my shoulder.

Viv took a deep inhale through her nose and blew it out. She watched me for a minute then pointed her finger at me. She opened her mouth to speak but snapped it shut and just glared some more before spinning around and leaving.

“Good talking with you, Red,” I called out to her back as she left.

She threw me the bird over her shoulder but didn’t look back.

“Man, I’m glad you made it.” Bishop clamped my shoulder and gave it a shake.

“Yeah well, you may be the only one that feels that way,” I grumbled and scanned the people around us.

“Nah. You know Viv and CeCe rooted for y’all to get back together.”

“That was before they knew Steph was pregnant. Afterwards, I’m pretty sure they wanted to string me up by my balls and douse me with honey then let a bear loose on my ass.” Bishop snorted and brought his beer up to his lips.

He had no retort because he knew it was true.

“Well time has a way of healing old wounds. Maybe fate has brought you two together again so you can shoot your shot. Perhaps you’ll have better luck now that you’re older and wiser. Plus,” he lowered his voice and moved his head closer to mine. “She still doesn’t know the whole story with you and Steph. Maybe it’s time you told her.”

I looked at him hopefully conveying that he was crazy if he thought she’d give me the time of day, much less listen to me about what really went down all those years ago when I broke her heart.

Hers and mine.

“Did…,” he looked around, a nervousness in his eyes. “Did you know her husband died last year?”

My face fell and I knew it paled without having to look in the mirror.

“She-she was married?” I breathed out.

“Did you think she’d be sitting in her home alone, pining and waiting for you after all these years?”

I shrugged. “One could hope.” Bishop rolled his eyes, shaking his head. “Look. I never heard another word about her once I had to marry Steph. No one would tell me a goddamn thing. Not even you. How was I supposed to know she got married? And you say her husband died?”

Maybe fate really had brought us together for a second chance. As awful as it sounded, my thoughts went there anyway.

“She was my friend, too. One of my best friends. I wasn’t going to go there. Especially after seeing how heartbroken she was. Vaughan…she was torn up for a long while. It took her two years before she even thought of dating. She became a recluse, only spending time with Viv and C. She hardly left her dorm room, and when she came back home no one could get ahold of her. She practically vanished from all of our lives.”

My gaze dropped to the floor where my boots ground a peanut shell to dust.

“I visited her one time at the start of junior year and had a long talk with her. She told me she didn’t want to hear your name or anything about you. Then told me, and every other one of our friends, to never say a word about her life to you. I mean…she threatened us. She may be small but you know damn well as I do that she’s feisty. No one was about to try her.”

I peeked out from under my hat to read how sorry Bishop was. He was right. Our friends were loyal to both of us and I put them all in the middle of my bullshit. They really must’ve been scared for their lives because they never spoke a peep about her all these years despite me begging for any morsel of information.

Whenever I’d mention her name or ask a question, they’d pretend like they didn’t even know who she was then quickly change the subject.

“We didn’t stay in contact as much once she moved to North Carolina, but we talked a couple times a year. Viv and C and her sister kept me updated on what was going on.”

Jealousy spiked in my veins. He knew about her life after me and never shared it. It hurt to know my best friend hid her life from me.

“You couldn’t have at least let me know if she was happy?” I accused.

Bishop sighed and threw back the last of his beer. “She was happy. Really happy. Until her husband died unexpectedly. When that happened, I made it a point to check on her often. Even if just to say hi and that I was here if she needed a friend.”

I gulped down the lump in my throat and asked, “H-how did he die?”

Bishop shook his head and twisted his mouth. “Can’t tell you that, brother. Not my place. Maybe one day you’ll hear the story but it won’t be from me.”

“Bish…”

“I love you like my own flesh and blood. You know that, Vaughan. But that girl was, is, like a sister to me and I won’t betray her trust. She’d never forgive me and I won’t lose her friendship now that she’s back.”

I rolled out my neck, trying to ease the tension. I wanted to scream and demand he tell me everything he knows, but I know Bishop won’t budge. When he’s trusted with a secret, he locks it down tight. He’d sooner cut off his foot with a rusty butter knife than spill the secret of a friend.

It’s what makes him my best friend. He knows my dark secrets and would’ve never tell a soul.

I watch the crowd around us and decide I need alcohol to wash away the feeling of hurt. It feels like everyone knows about Cami’s life over the last twelve years except for me. The one person who should’ve been her life.

Until I ruined it.

“I need a beer,” I tell Bishop and turn towards the bar.

I squish myself between a building crowd and motion to get the bartender’s attention. “Can I get a Shiner?” He nods and grabs me a bottle, popping the top and handing it over.

I place a ten on the bar and tell him to keep the change. It’ll be the only beer I have tonight. Once I finish it, I’m leaving to go lick my wounds at home…alone. As usual.

I step away from the bar and stop dead in my tracks when I see Kirby dancing with the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid eyes on.

Camille spins in his arms, laughing and smiling. He swirls her around and pulls her back into him. It’s then that her eyes flash up and she sees me.

The smile that was lighting up her face mere seconds ago washes away and is replaced with visible contempt. My presence is a reminder of how I hurt her and she is clearly not over it.

Seems the bad outweighed the good when it came to our relationship.

I never stopped loving Cami. Not for one second. It’s the main reason why I was miserable for the first eight years after she kicked me out of her house. I was stuck with a woman who did the most horrific thing I've ever dealt with. But I had resigned to a life of misery and unhappiness because of my daughter and the fact that I’d lost the only I’d ever and would ever love.

Cami pulls her gaze from me and says something to Kirby. He nods and kisses her cheek before she walks away.

I tell myself to let her go, to not follow her. But my heart overrides my brain and my feet move on their own volition.

She pushes her way through the crowd until she reaches the small corridor that leads to the restrooms. I’m just about to step through the darkened hallway when a hand grabs ahold of my arm and yanks me back.

“No,” I hear a stern female voice say. “Leave her be. She needs time.”

Cathia squeezes my bicep and I look one last time down the hall where Cami disappeared through. Cathia tugs my arm again and I walk away.

“Dance with me, cowboy.” She gives me no room to argue and pulls me onto the crowded dance floor.

“I’m rooting for you Vaughan, but we have to approach this the right way. You can’t bombard her. We’ll make a plan.”

I’m blown back in shock and wondering if she’s pulling my leg until I see her smile.

Cathia wants to help me win back Cami?

Mama taught me to never look a gift horse in the mouth, so I nod my head and tell her, “I’ll do anything. Help me.”

Thirteen

VAUGHAN

M y vow to drink one beer and leave was blown to smithereens an hour ago.

Once Cathia told me her plan to get me a chance to talk to Cami, I’ve been hanging back and watching from the sidelines. I haven’t taken my eyes off of her.

When she’s moved to one side of the bar, I stealthily move to the other. If she’s playing pool then I’m standing in the corner by the band. My hearing will never be the same but it’s worth it to have just a moment of her time.

The song changes to Tennessee Whiskey and I know it’s about time to set our plan into motion.

Earlier I spoke with the band stage manager and asked when they’d be taking a break. He gave me a rundown of the songs they have on their set list and what they will end with before their thirty minute break.

During that time, a preset playlist will play for the sound system they have set up. I begged and pleaded and even flashed some money for them to add one song to the mix. When I told him the reason behind it, the guy gave me a crooked grin and said he’d add it but only because the band members were suckers for a love story.

With the next song queued, I searched for Cathia. I spotted her at one of the tables talking with friends.

“You ready?” I asked.

She nodded then made eye contact with Bishop who also nodded.

I watched as he ambled over to Cami and whispered in her ear. She gave him that smile that has been burned into my brain for years and put her hand in his. He led them to the dance floor and began to move smoothly across the floor.

“Here we go,” I breathed out nervously and escorted Cathia to dance.

I made sure to keep us on opposite sides of where Bishop and Cami were until the final verse played.

I moved into place, ready for when the band announced they were taking a break. The second they did, the stage manager caught my eye and winked then the melodic sounds of a guitar began to play from the speakers.

Bishop didn’t give Cami a chance to escape and pulled her into a slow dance. When he saw us he spun his way to us.

Cathia let go of my hand and asked, “mind if I cut in?” She tugged Cami from Bishop’s arms and threw her into mine before she could process what was happening.

Bish and Cathia moved quickly away and I wrapped my arm around Cami’s waist, pulling her close.

She froze on the spot and stared at my shirt as if the pattern was the most interesting sight in the world.

I didn’t speak, didn’t ask her if she wanted to dance. I simply began to sway with her across the dance floor to the song.

Our song.

Mazzy Star crooned Fade Into You and every memory of the times I held Cami in my arms came flooding back.

When she finally looked up at me, the anger she shot me with earlier was gone. All I saw was glassy eyes, wet with tears.

I swallowed and kept moving. I wanted so desperately to nuzzle my head into her neck like I used to when we’d dance. I wanted to breathe in her scent and feel her skin against my lips. It took the strength of ten men to hold myself back.

My fingers tingled from the feel of her skin. The back to her dress was open and I caressed her exposed skin. When I splayed my fingers and my hold grew firmer, I felt my dick twitch.

I put a small distance between my crotch and hers, not wanting to send her running thinking I’m a perv.

The song played on and she stood stiffly and silently in my arms. Finally, when I couldn’t take another moment of the quiet I leaned in and spoke in her ear.

“Hi, Cam. It’s really good to see you.”

Her body shivered and I lifted my head to see emotion swimming in her eyes. She didn’t respond but didn’t pull away either, so I took it as a sign to keep going.

“I never thought I’d see you again.” Those words must have flipped a switch because she stopped and pulled out of my arms.

“I hoped I’d never see you again,” she scowled and spun around, stomping off the dance floor.

I chased after her calling her name until she walked out the front door. She ran around the side of the building and I followed. When I turned the corner I saw Cami pressed against the brick wall and bent over at the waist. I slowed my approach and stepped lightly until I was standing in front of her.

“What are you doing here, Vaughan?” She didn’t move to stand and stayed in her folded position.

“I came here to see you. I’ve missed you, Cam.” My voice was gentle as I tread with caution. “I had to see you.”

Cami bolted upright and the fire in her eyes was back. “Well you saw me. Now leave.” Her tone was hard and full of determination.

“I can’t –won’t. Not again.”

“It isn’t your choice. This is my party and you aren’t welcome.” Her hands balled into fists and her jaw clicked with tension.

“I just…I just want a chance to talk to you. It’s been twelve years and you’ve never gotten to hear my side of the story. Please, just give me a few moments,” I begged.

“There’s nothing to talk about, Vaughan. It’s been over for years. You moved on and so did I. We have a history but that doesn’t mean we have to be friends. Anything we had was burnt to the ground and the ashes blown away long ago.” Her chest rose and fell with her deep breaths.

She lifted her chin and stared directly into my eyes. “Go home to your wife, Vaughan. I’m sure she’s wondering where you are.” She pushed me aside but I couldn’t let her walk away.

“My wife is dead. And even if she wasn’t, she wouldn’t care where I was.” I grab onto her arm and feel her muscles tense.

Her back turns steel stiff and her steps freeze. When she looks up at me I see so many questions swirling through her whiskey brown eyes.

I tip my head, the brims of our hats brushing against each other. We stand in a silent moment, only the muffled bass of the music from inside can be heard.

“Cam. Please just give me a minute to talk to you.” I hold my breath, praying for her to just listen.

Her body relaxes and I think she’s about to give in. My heart starts to beat again and then she speaks.

“I stopped wanting anything to do with you, or hear anything you had to say, the moment you got another girl pregnant. No offense to your daughter because I’m sure she’s sweet and wonderful as can be, but if I never have to see you or a reminder of you in my life, I’ll die a happy woman. Pretend I don’t exist. Go back to your life, the one where I’m not in it, and leave me alone.” She slowly pulled her arm from my grip. “Goodbye, Vaughan.”

I watched her walk away but vowed that this isn’t the end. She’s back and has been put in my path. I won’t stop until my last breath.

Fourteen

CAMILLE

“D o you need a live-in maid? Perhaps a chef or maybe even a sexy pool girl? ‘Cause I seriously want to live here.” Vivian was lounged back, sunglasses on and drink in her hand, as we laid by the pool the morning after the party.

As difficult as it was to go back and act like my encounter with Vaughan hadn’t happened, I did for the sake of my friends. I didn’t want the night to be bogged down with questions about him and I. Once I returned to the party, Cathia rushed over and asked me if I was okay. I nodded my head, told her to leave it be, and went on to play a game of pool with some friends.

But for the rest of the night, Vaughan’s words rang on repeat in my head.

“My wife is dead. And even if she wasn’t, she wouldn’t care where I was.”

His wife had died? And what did he mean she wouldn’t care if she wasn’t? I just assumed that he was off living a happy life with the woman he left me for.

“I just want a chance to talk to you. It’s been twelve years and you’ve never gotten to hear my side of the story.”

What more was there to say? He said it all when he told me he had sex with someone else, and again when I heard she was pregnant.

I was long past caring about why he did what he did. He ended our relationship in the worst way possible, but I went on to find love again. A love like I never thought I could have.

Except he left me, too.

I sigh and close my eyes, forcing myself to forget about seeing Vaughan.

“How do you feel about adoption?” CeCe asked, raising her sunglasses from her eyes and winking at me.

“Hey. Y’all are welcome to live here. It’s not like there isn’t enough room.” I turn in my lounger and stare up at the house. “I don’t know what I was thinking when I bought it.”

“You were thinking this was the perfect house for girl’s nights. And girl’s days. And girl’s sleepovers.” CeCe laughs and replaces her shades and faces the sun.

“Más margaritas, chicas.” Cathia steps out onto the patio holding a tray of margarita glasses filled to the very brim.

I sit up as she makes her way to us and begins handing out the glasses. I slowly bring mine to my lips and sip.

When we left Billy’s last night we were all surprised that none of us was leaving sloppy drunk. We walked upright and without the assistance of anyone, and we fell asleep comfortably, not blacked out because we were three sheets past.

The four of us piled in my bed and talked about the night. They asked me about Vaughan but like I told my sister, I urged them to just let it be and move on. When we could no longer keep our eyes open, CeCe and Viv wandered off to the rooms they deemed as theirs, and Cathia rolled over and fell asleep. For the first time in almost ten months, I didn’t fall asleep or wake up alone. It felt nice, comforting, to not wake to a cold bed. Even if it was just my sister.

That would be the only time that side of the bed would be occupied because I was done chasing love. Two times love had broken my heart, and I didn’t have any left to give. All that was left of it were small shards and I needed to guard those closely.

“Guys, I’m gonna need a job. I’m already going crazy sitting around here all day, by myself. I can’t possibly do this for the rest of my life.” I take another refreshing sip of my drink and relax back into my seat.

“Um, speak for yourself. I could sit right here and never leave until they pry my crusty body off.” Viv swings her legs over her seat and walks towards the edge of the pool where she sits and dips her legs in.

“I’d kill to have your job. Reporting on sporting events. Getting to interview hot athletes. Sneaking a peek into the locker rooms. Sign me up!” I joke.

“It’s not as glamorous as you think. The athletes all look and act friendly on camera, but what you don’t see is when the camera is off, most of them are just flat out, egotistical assholes.”

“Any one athlete in particular you’re referring to?” Viv pins CeCe with a death glare causing CeCe to raise her hands in surrender. “Just asking.”

I lean over and whisper, “Are we talking about Phoenix West?”

“Don’t. Say. His. Name.” Viv barks.

Phoenix West was the hot shot, all star baseball player who played with Bishop at LSU. Viv got to know him when she traveled to games as part of her broadcast journalism studies. He also tagged along with Bishop whenever he could. He joined us on Spring Break trips, ski trips, random weekends and even one Christmas break.

Vivian was taken from the moment she laid eyes on him, and we all thought he felt the same way. But when his true colors showed during one of those trips, she proclaimed that he was trash by human standards and vowed to shove his baseball bat up his ass if he ever came near her again, we all doubled down on our loyalties and cut the guy out of our lives like a bad hangnail.

Cathia flits her eyes to me then back to her glass. “Why don’t you volunteer at the Talbert Ranch? You’d get to work with horses again, and be out in nature–”

“And be forced to see Vaughan everyday. I’d rather put my hand through a meat grinder than have to see Vaughan McCallan ever again.”

CeCe’s eyebrows meet her hairline as she takes a swig of her drink, and Viv kicks her feet in the water, pretending not to hear me.

I feel like these three are up to something and if it has anything to do with me seeing Vaughan, I’m going to need to start taking applications for best friends when three new spots open up.

“Not happening. I may call around to a few other stables and see if they’re looking for any help. If not…” I shrug and get lost in my thoughts for a moment. “I’ll figure something out.”

No one says anything. We just sit, enjoying the warm spring sun with the trickling water as our soundtrack.

Finally Cathia says, “I’m starving. Let’s order lunch.What’s everyone want?”

The rest of the afternoon played much the same.

We ordered Chinese, ate by the pool, and took dips in the water to cool down. When the sun began to sink lower, the girls all decided it was time to head to their respective homes and get ready for the work week.

Viv and CeCe had both taken the weekend off in order to party and recover, but that meant they were going to be playing catch up for the rest of the week. With Viv being an on-air talent reporting for our local sports teams and CeCe working in PR for the Wranglers baseball team, they were in the thick of the season. Time off was few and far between for them.

They left and CeCe promised to comp us all tickets for the next home series. I kissed Cat and told her I’d meet her at her office for lunch one day this week.

My sister was a CPA for a big firm in Houston and lived and worked downtown. With my house being a good thirty miles from downtown in Magnolia Creek, I didn’t get to see her as often as my parents and Dre and Lisette. And since I didn’t have a job to worry about, I promised her that I would visit her as much as possible.

I locked the door behind them and went back out to the patio to make sure everything had been picked up and shut off the waterfall for the night.

The music was still playing softly from the speakers when the song Vaughan and I danced to last night came on. It stopped me in my tracks and all I could do was stare out into the blue water of the pool.

The water rippled when a soft breeze blew by and I looked up to spot where a cardinal landed on a branch of one of the oak trees beyond the pool. The cardinal was a sign that a loved one that had passed is visiting you.

Robbie.

I felt like I was being hit from all angles at that very moment. With the cardinal watching me from his perch in the trees, and the song Vaughan once sang into my ear playing in the background, it was like my heart was stuck in the middle of a war zone.

I can’t say why I did it or even how, but one moment I was in my feelings and the next my body was crashing through the water.

I let my body sink until it hit the bottom. I opened my eyes and looked up through the bubbles and swirling waves. Everything was silenced and I felt a peace, a reprieve, from the reminders of what I’d lost.

I was weightless. I was free. I let the water take control of my body and every last thought just faded away.

My lungs began to burn as the oxygen began to dwindle. But still, I sat. I grew lightheaded and my eyes started to darken when a loud splash interrupted my reverie. Hands yanked on my arms, pulling me to the surface. My legs floated behind me, kicking just enough not to bring the other person down with me.

When we breached the surface, I greedily sucked air in and out. I opened my eyes and blinked away the fogginess. Droplets of water clung to my lashes and streams of water ran down my face.

“What the hell are you doing, Camille?” Cathia was gasping for air and still pulling me towards the edge of the pool.

“I was calling your name and you didn’t answer. Then I saw bubbles float to the top and looked down to see you just…Cam? Do you hear me?”

She brought me to the steps and rested me there while she caught her breath. She watched me closely, waiting for me to say something.

“Why’d you come back?” Is what my brain pushed to the front of the line.

“I couldn’t find my phone in my purse, so I came back to see if maybe I dropped it back here. You didn’t answer the door so I used the side gate. Fuck, Cami. Why were you just sitting there?”

I try to come up with an answer to her question but I just don’t know. I don’t know what possessed me to jump or what convinced me to stay. I just know I felt…nothing. For the first time in months, I didn’t feel sad or angry or happy. There was nothing.

“Were you…did…Cam? Please tell me you weren’t trying to…” Cathia’s eyes filled with tears and she struggled to get words out.

I swallowed hard and felt the sting in my nose as tears built in my eyes.

Was that what I was doing?

“I…I can’t answer that because I don’t know.” It was hard to speak around the lump in my throat. “I don’t know what came over me. One m-minute I was s-standing there and the next I w-was at the b-bottom of the pool.”

My sobs wracked my chest and Cathia took me in her arms, tears falling to match mine.

“Cam. Please. Talk to me. I’m here for you. Did something happen to make you…?” She can’t finish her sentence and I don’t want to finish that thought.

“I don’t know, Cat. Maybe it was seeing Vaughan.” I pull back and stand, stepping out of the pool and tugging Cathia with me. “It’s like seeing him brought back everything I thought I’d buried a long time ago. He was just there and suddenly a reel of all the happy times we spent together was playing.”

When I was in his arms as we danced, I felt like I’d been shocked by a live wire. His touch was familiar, his scent so him. A million memories flooded me and I lost myself for a moment.

But then all the hurt came rushing back like a tsunami. Hearing him tell me he slept with someone else. That it wasn’t what I thought. Finding out she was pregnant and hearing they got married.

The piercing in my heart was back and the touch I’d once relished was like a wildfire, scorching my skin and causing nothing but pain.

“Did you know his wife died?” I asked Cathia.

Her face fell and she nodded her head.

“Do…do you know what happened?” She grabbed a towel and wrapped it around me then did the same to herself.

“Kinda. Mom said it was cancer but it seems like there’s a bigger story there. One that I think Vaughan has been wanting to tell you for a long time.” She watched me, looking for any hint that I might crack and finish sinking to the bottom.

“How does mom know any of this?”

“She still talks with Maxine every now and then. I guess they have a group of women who meet for lunch and talk about books every so often.”

“What has she said about me?” I was suddenly nervous that mom had been spilling my secrets all over God’s green earth while I was away.

“Nothing. I promise. You gave us all very specific instructions that you didn’t want to hear about him and that we were to never share anything about your life with him or his family. I think the most mom ever said was that you were happy.”

Was happy. Now…I’m just numb.

“Cam. Uh…” she paused and squeezed her fists open and close like she was trying to get the blood pumping. “I didn’t mention this earlier because we were having such a good time and I didn’t want to ruin that but…I have Vaughan’s number. He asked me to give it to you.”

I jerked back like she’d slapped me, feeling betrayed by own flesh and blood.

“Why?”

“Because, Cam. You two have unresolved issues. I think you need to quit being stubborn and just listen to what he has to say. He is still in love with you and I kn-“

“Stop!” I threw my hand up in her face. “There is nothing unresolved between us. He cheated. We broke up. End of story. And the only thing I feel for Vaughan McCallan is hate.”

“There’s a thin line, Camille.” Her face grew hard. “You can lie to yourself but you can’t lie to me. I know you’ve never gotten over him. He was the love of your life.”

“No. Robbie was. Is! Vaughan was my biggest regret.”

“Stop it, Cami!” She jumped to her feet and began pacing. “No one is questioning your love for Robbie. We all witnessed your love story. But you can’t deny that despite how much you loved him, there was also a piece inside of you that knew you loved Vaughan deeper.”

My rage was boiling and I couldn’t sit any longer and listen to this bullshit she was spewing.

“You need to quit talking about things you know nothing about. How many men have you loved? When’d you get married?” I know that cut her deep but I was hurting and she was laying into me like I was the villain for not giving Vaughan the chance to feed me his lies.

“That’s what I thought. You know the way out.”

I spun on my heel and walked back inside, slamming the door behind me.

She had no idea what she was talking about. I loved Robbie more than anything, anyone. Vaughan was nothing to me and had been for years.

He shred the love I had for him and made damn sure it could never be pieced back together.

Fifteen

VAUGHAN

I  sat in my office, staring at my computer screen and clicking through one image after the other. The eyes that made my heart skip a beat staring back at me.

Camille’s face lit up my screen like it had many times before. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve sat in this very spot getting lost in her eyes, her smile. Her happiness.

Happiness hadn’t existed in my life for so long. Dagen was the only bright light in my life. But everything else felt cold and dark.

If it wasn’t for Day, I wouldn’t be here.

If it wasn’t for her mom, Cami would be curled up on my lap as we watched our family grow.

I push the thoughts away because Day is my entire world and I can’t regret her.

I click to the next picture and a smile lifts the corners of my mouth when I see her laughing face.

The private folder I have hidden on my computer is filled with images just like this. Cami laughing. Cami smiling. Cami kissing me. Cami laying beside me with the early dawn streaming in from the windows.

It’s a time capsule of memories I’ve kept hidden for years. Only one other person knows of it and she’s not here to spill my secrets.

In fact, it was finding the file that made it clear to her that I would never love her. Not just love her the way I loved Cam. Literally never love.

I only ever held contempt for Steph. It’s a horrible thing to say about your deceased wife, the mother of your child. But the way we came to be…it can never be forgiven. There were only two things that kept me tied to her for as long as I did; Dagen and the threat that I could lose her, and the fact that I had hurt Cami so irreparably that there was no use in being completely alone.

At least by staying with Steph I was able to be with my daughter when I had no one else.

The sound of the front door closing breaks me from my spell and I quickly close the folder before slamming my laptop shut.

“Daddy? Where are you?” Day’s voice carries through the massive tiled entry, echoing off the walls.

I stand from my desk and move towards the door. “Hey baby bird. D’you have fun with gran and pop?” She walks over to me and squeezes me with her tiny arms.

“I’m not a baby, dad. I’m practically a teenager. You can’t call me baby bird, anymore.” She looks up at me and I feel a tightening in my chest.

My baby girl is growing up so fast and I feel a twinge of guilt. She’s stuck with only me, no mother to guide her through the tumultuous years that lie ahead.

For four years I’ve managed on my own. Taught myself to braid her hair and nurture her girly tendencies. There were days where she needed me to just hold her close and binge on princess movies. And while sitting through song after song, I did it because she needed me and I’d do anything to ease the fact that her mother was gone.

She’s had my mother since moving back to Texas which has been a lifesaver. It was important for her to have a female influence on her life. As much as I’d love to keep her in cowboy boots and riding horses, she’s a girl and still requires someone to help her navigate the roads that I have never and will never travel.

Dagen makes weekly calls to her other grandparents –who despise me with a hate so deep that we’ll never be able to be in the same room with each other– and goes to visit them two weeks every summer. But their relationship hasn’t quite been the same since we moved. Steph’s parents have blamed me for everything bad that has happened in their lives.

Like I have any sway over cancer and who it chooses to affect.

But they have quickly and conveniently forgotten the threats they made if I dared to leave Steph or expose her secrets. They’ve told Day many times how they want her to come live with them and how horrible a person I am for taking her away. That behavior caused the intervention from a lawyer and threats of my own.

However, that didn’t ease my guilt because I did take Dagen away from them. I just had to get away from the world that reminded me of Steph and the life that I walked in misery for eight years.

As I look into Day’s eyes, I am reminded of everything she lost and how I’ll never be enough for her.

Camille would be such an amazing mother.

God, how I wish it were so.

“Dad?”

“Hmm? What’d you say?” My mind wandered and I blanked out while Dagen spoke.

“I asked what you did last night? Did you see Uncle Bishop?”

“I did. Him and some other friends. But I was home fairly early. I missed you.” I wink down at her and scoop her up in my arms.

She wiggles to get me to release her but it only makes me hold her tighter.

“Daaaad. I’m too big to be held like a baby.” She giggled as I lightly tickled her ribs.

“Never. I’ll want to hold you when you’re fifty.” I buried my head in the crook of her neck and snorted, making her laugh like she did when she was little.

Her breaths were short and fast as her laughing grew louder. I finally let her go and plopped her back down on her feet.

“Can we go riding today,” she asked after she’d regulated her breathing again.

“Sure. How about I make us lunch and then we can get saddled up?”

“Oh. Gran already brought lunch. She’s in the kitchen.” Dagen bounded for the stairs with her soft blue overnight bag in her hand.

“Okay. Wash your hands, then, and come back down.”

“‘K,” she called out when she reached the top of the stairs.

I watched her until she disappeared around the corner to her room then went to see what mom had brought for us to eat.

“Hey mom. Hi dad. I didn’t know you were here, too.” I walked around the island and pulled her into a hug, kissing the top of her head and surveying the food she was laying out on the counter.

“Yeah. Thought we could have lunch with you. Catch up a bit.” Dad took his turn hugging me and patted my back.

I pulled back and studied him, suspicion marring my features.

“ I just saw you last week. What could we possibly need to catch up on?” Mom opened the small drink fridge that was tucked into the island and produced four bottles of water.

“Jim. Could you grab some plates?” Mom directed dad over to the cabinet while she opened up a drawer with utensils.

“Dad? What are we catching up on?” I asked again.

“Oh. You know. Life. Stuff.” His eyes darted quickly to mine then back to the plates he was stacking next to the containers of food mom had spread out.

“Life? Stuff? That’s rather broad. Seeing as you two know everything about my life and stuff, what else are you wanting to talk about?”

“Well, for starters…did you see Camille last night?” He and mom watched me for a reaction and I busied myself with grabbing napkins.

I placed the napkins down then picked them up, laying them out one by one.

“Yeah. I uh, I got to see her for a bit.” I kept my eyes trained on the napkins, studying the swirls woven in like it was an artistic phenom.

“And?” Mom asked.

I heard steps thudding down the stairs and knew Dagen would be popping in any second.

“And nothing. I don’t want to talk about it with Day here.” They nodded in understanding and we proceeded to pile our plates with tacos and beans and rice.

When lunch was finished, Day went back up to her room to change into her riding gear, giving mom and dad and I a few moments alone.

“Alright,” mom said, sitting down on the couch beside me. “Spill.”

She and dad watched keenly, waiting for any morsel of detail they could gobble up.

“Not much to tell. I saw her, she avoided me for much of the night, Cathia helped me get a few moments alone with her, and then she…” I clear my throat remembering the words she spit at me.

I hoped I’d never see you again.

Anything we had was burnt to the ground and the ashes blown away long ago.

…if I never have to see you or a reminder of you in my life, I’ll die a happy woman.

I choked on the hurt stuck in my throat then reminded myself she was just in shock having seen me. She couldn’t have possibly meant any of those things.

“She said some things to me and told me to never contact her again.” I looked up to see the pity in my parents eyes.

They’ve watched me closely over the last twelve years and know that I still carry a torch for Cami. She’s the only one I’ve burned for.

“Son,” mom lays her hand on top of mine and squeezes. “Just give her some time. I’m sure she was quite surprised to see you after all these years.”

“Not to mention she’s still dealing with the loss of her husband,” dad added.

I nodded. “Yeah. That.” I grew silent for a moment then asked the question I was aching to ask Cami. “Do you know what happened to him? Cami’s husband.”

Saying that word tasted bitter in my mouth. I wanted to spit it out. But who was I to talk? I had a dead wife and a child who was created while I was still dating Cami.

Again, not by choice.

“I…” mom looked nervously at dad then at me. “I really shouldn’t say. It’s quite a sensitive matter and if you are really genuine about getting Camile back–”

“I am,” I interjected.

Mom dipped her chin once. “Then it’s best if she confides in you. I don’t want to interfere.”

I inhaled and closed my eyes, counting to five before blowing out the air.

Yet another person who said that whatever happened to Cami’s husband is something she needs to share with me. These people –my friends, my family– had a fierce protection of Cami and I could only guess it was because of our past.

I was grateful, truly, but I just wanted the damn story. If I wait for Cami I may never find out. I’m still thinking of a way to get her to speak to me, again. Who knows how long it will take for her to trust me enough to open up about her life after me.

“Don’t know if that day will come but…”I shrug but quickly recover when Day reappears.

“I’m ready. Are you coming with us, pop?”

“Not today, lovebug. Another time.” Dad picks up Dagen much the same way I did, but he doesn’t get the protests like I received.

Mom turns to me and wraps her arms around my shoulders.

“Give her time. I just know things will work out. Once she hears the truth, I have no doubt you’ll have her again. Just be patient.”

“If only I had your confidence,” I muttered.

I needed a plan to see her again. And I needed it soon. I’ve had patience for twelve years and I can’t wait any longer.

Sixteen

CAMILLE

F or weeks, I’ve been puttering around my house, trying to figure out what to do with my time. With my life.

I contacted the local ranches nearby to ask if any of them were interested in having me volunteer with the horses. They all said they had more than enough help, and a couple told me to talk to that McCallan boy who took over Talbert Ranch.

Thanks, but not thanks.

So, I’ve taken to cleaning every square inch of my home. Shining the floors to a polish so clean you could eat off of them. I gardened and bought a riding mower so I could do the lawn myself, opting to forego the lawn service most of my neighbors used.

I met the girls for lunch, babysat Maddie, shopped with mom, and read more books than I thought possible in four weeks time.

I even hosted a few girls' nights since I wasn’t in the mood for being around more than my close circle. I’d had enough two-stepping and run-ins with Vaughan for a while.

And yes. Seeing Vaughan once was more than enough.

But now, my house and yard looked showroom ready, Maddie was spending time with her grandparents, and everyone else was working. I had nothing else to do except twiddle my thumbs and count the hairs on my head.

I was pouring creamer into coffee when my cellphone rang. I looked at the caller ID but didn’t recognize the number

I put my mug down and swiped to answer the call. “Hello?”

“Hi. Is this Camille Stevens?” the male voice on the other end asked.

“Yes. This is her.”

“Hi. This is Hayes McCallan from the Talbert Ranch. I was given your name by Sheri Kramer over at TallyHo Farms. She said you were looking to volunteer in their stables but they didn’t have room for ya. Were you still interested in something like that?”

Hayes. McCallan. Talbert.

Vaughan’s brother.

I was frozen. Eyes unblinking, heart not beating, words not forming. The very family I was trying desperately to avoid had crossed my path three times now. It was like the universe was having a good laugh at my expense.

“Mrs. Stevens? Are you there?” He repeated.

“Uh, y-yes. Hello…Hayes.” I stalled trying to organize my thoughts. “It-it’s Cami…Villalobos. Formerly Villalobos.”

“Cam?” I didn’t need to see his face –that was probably one of a man and not the little kid I once knew– to know he was rocked to his core. “Are you serious?”

“Yup. It’s..me.”

“Wow. I…just wow. I had no idea when I received your info.” The air between us was silent, neither of us speaking and probably barely breathing. “How are you?”

“I’m…okay.” My brain was currently working with the vocabulary of a ten year old.

“I can’t believe it. I thought you were living in like, Virginia, or something.”

“North Carolina. I moved back a couple months ago.” I was surprised that neither his mom nor Vaughan had shared any information with him about my return.

“Crazy. I wish I’d have known. I’ve been traveling around for work the past several weeks so I had no idea.” He seemed as though he was searching for the right words to say. He was talking to a friend who had turned into a stranger. Life had changed and we no longer held any common ground. “Does, uh, does my brother know you’re here?”

And there it is. I knew a question like that was coming.

“He does. I actually saw him a few weeks back but…it didn’t end well. Don’t think I’ll be reaching out anytime soon,” I admitted.

“Oh. I’m sorry to hear that. So I guess you wouldn’t want to come and work for us, would ya?”

Work for them?

I knew the Talberts ran a horse farm with riding lessons, but I assumed when I heard Vaughan had purchased it that the business was gone.

“What-what do you mean? I didn’t realize you had a working ranch.”

“Oh yeah.” Hayes’ voice piped up and I could hear his excitement grow. “Vaughan bought the ranch four years ago when he came back and decided he wanted to turn it into more than just horseback riding lessons.”

“And you two work together?”

“He brought me in as a partner and we started building onto the ranch. We now have cabins for campers and offer one camp in the summertime. We’d like to add more, so that’s why I was traveling around visiting other facilities. To see what programs and activities they offer.”

“That’s fantastic, Hayes. Congratulations.” It appears that Vaughan took our dream of running a ranch into a version of his new reality.

“Thanks. We’re pretty proud of it. Took a couple years to really get it going, but this is the first year our camp booked so quickly that we added a second one. That’s booked, too. We want to offer them all summer long but we need help. There’s only a handful of us who are running things, and we’re getting a little overwhelmed with keeping up with the horses, lessons, fishing…we haven’t been able to offer an overnight camp. That’s our ultimate goal.”

This was beyond anything Vaughan and I had ever talked about. I wondered if his daughter held much influence over how those dreams had changed.

“So is the answer no?” Hayes’ voice was tentative with a drop of hope.

“No to…?”

“Working at Talbert Ranch.”

I winced at the thought of seeing Vaughan daily, and working closely with him and his family. That was a recipe for disaster.

“I don’t think that would be a good idea.”

“Because of Vaughan?” he asked without skipping a beat.

I wanted to tell him Vaughan had nothing to do with my reasons for not wanting to work there, but I sensed he knew.

“Yeah. Because of Vaughan.”

I heard air whoosh through the speaker as he exhaled.

“What if I promised you wouldn’t have to work with him? And we’ll pay more than the other ranches do.”

“I don’t want any money. I used to volunteer once in a while back in NC and I just wanted to volunteer my time. And I think it would be impossible for you to promise that I wouldn’t have to see Vaughan.” Unless this camp was held in another state, I think being around the owner of the ranch would be unavoidable.

Just the thought of having to see Vaughan in his element, his jeans worn in from long days of hard work, his cowboy hat slung low and his back glistening with sweat from the Texas heat…yeah. No. Definitely not happening. I refuse to put myself in a situation where I could possibly forgive him for what he did.

Maybe it was petty or even childish, but I had no desire to have him be apart of my life again. Even in the smallest of ways.

“Can you think about it, Cam? Most ranches are pretty set with ranch hands being as they hire college students home from school for cheap. We’re probably the only ones in need of help with our expansion.” The man wasn’t above begging and I could hear it in his voice how much they were in need of knowledgeable help.

I just didn’t know if I was strong enough to be in the same orbit as Vaughan McCallan.

“I-I’ll think about it. But I won’t promise anything. Right now I’m leaning ninety-nine percent in the no column,” I said, honestly.

“I understand.” His voice was low and came out on a sigh. “As long as you’ll think about it, that’s all I can ask. And feel free to call me with any questions or…or if you’d like to maybe grab lunch. Catch up. No Vaughan required.”

That made me smile and I thought about all the good times we had. He was like a little brother and I missed him terribly once I cut ties with the McCallan family.

“That would be nice, H. I’ll let you know.”

“Cool. Talk soon, I hope. Take care, Cam.”

“You,too, Hayes. Bye.” I ended the call and clunked my head against the cold marble counter.

Why must my life be a never ending soap opera?

“So what are you gonna do? I personally think it’s a great idea.” CeCe shoved a forkful of kale and spinach into her mouth.

Our weekly girls brunch had expanded to a food tour and we were sitting at a fresh new organic eatery and sipping mimosas. That was a requirement for any restaurant we patronized.

“Of course you would think it’s a good idea. You're not the one who’d be stuck working side by side with the man who trampled your heart. Easy.” I took a long sip of my cool drink, sucking down the last drop. I finished, my mouth still parched, and spotted our waitress and lifted my glass letting her know I was in dire need of another.

“I’d forget about that in about two point one seconds after seeing that man and his hot brother in their tight jeans and sweaty bodies. Cowboy porn anyone?”

“Yes, please,” Viv replied.

I rolled my eyes just as the waitress set down another drink in front of me. With a nod and a smile, I picked it up and took another quenching sip. Or rather chug.

“I have no interest in being near that family. As much as I love the idea of being back in Maxine and Jim’s life, I can’t do that if it comes with Vaughan.”

Cathia, Viv and CeCe passed a look between the three of them. It was a silent conversation that they knew something I didn’t.

“What?” I asked.

Cathia shrugged and turned her attention to her eggs benedict. “Nothin’. I just know how much you miss working with horses and think it’s too good of an opportunity to pass up. That’s all.”

The three of them did that sneaky look again and I dropped my fork, making it clatter loudly against the plate.

“Okay. You’re starting to piss me off. What’s with the look?” I wagged my finger between them and studied them with a discerning eye.

They passed more looks and spoke without words. I guess I’d been away for so long that I was no longer privy to the unspoken language we once had.

With a sigh, CeCe folded her hands on the table and steadied me with her eyes. “Here’s the thing.” Obviously she was the designated truth bomber. Fitting since her filter was basically non-existent.

“Oh boy. Here we go.” I chugged the rest of my drink. I had a feeling I was going to need it.

“Yes. Here we go. You need a hobby or a job. You can’t sit around your house all day, looking for dirt to clean and being depressed.”

“I’m not depressed,” I argued.

She leveled me with one of her famous don’t-bullshit-me looks that had me sinking back into my seat.

“Cam. You can lie to yourself but there’s no pulling the wool over my eyes.”

“Or mine,” Cathia agreed.

I tipped my glass back and, dammit…it’s empty.

CeCe reached out and took one of my hands in hers and Viv grabbed the other. Their pity game was strong and I was not in the mood to feel like the Debbie Downer of the group…again.

“You are, babe. And we can’t sit back and watch you stay in this steady pattern of mourning. We can’t be the only things in your life to bring you happiness. We want you to smile and laugh again, just because. We need our sunny Cami girl back. We all have our place in the group and yours is to be the light. The silver lining in any cloud that may come our way.

“You’ve had a rough go lately, we know. But Robbie would be so upset to see you still moping around in your robe, thinking about all the ways your life is over. It’s not.”

I swallowed back the lump in my throat and let anger replace my sorrow.

“Robbie doesn’t have the right to be anything because he left me. If he wanted me happy he would’ve stayed. Instead, he left me. Alone. And I didn’t get a say in it. Just like Vaughan. Seems to be a pattern with the men I choose.”

I watched the faces of my friends and sister fall. I could tell that they really did care about my well-being, but I didn’t need their help trying to find my happy place. I’d get there when I was damn good and ready. And today was not the day.

I stood and tossed my napkin on the table. “I need the restroom. Be back.” I pushed my chair back and turned my back to them before spinning around to tell them one last thing. “Don’t any of you follow me. I need five minutes alone. I can’t breathe when you’re crawling up my back.”

I spun around and stomped my way through the tables. My friends had a great way of pissing me off and making a valid point at the same time. I both hated and loved them for it.

I was still trying to decide which category today fell into.

Seventeen

CAMILLE

O ver the next week, I did exactly as the week before and the week before that. Hell, I did the same thing on repeat for the last several months.

My life was like a bad movie stuck on repeat without an ending. It’s like the climax hit and then the rewind button was pressed forcing me to relive the whole shitty story all over again.

Rotten Tomatoes would definitely give me a zero for this one.

Sunday morning came and I was determined to put on a mask of happiness so that today wouldn’t be a horrible repeat of last week. I was so tired of living in this Groundhog’s Day.

A loud honk sounded outside my front door and I grabbed my purse and stepped outside.

Today was Vivian’s turn to drive, so we would all cram into her tiny sports car and buckle up tight. Viv was a crazy driver, talking with her hands and constantly looking back at the passengers in the back like we were sitting at a stationary table and not a car speeding down the highway.

CeCe unfolded herself from the front seat and I climbed into the back with my sister. Viv was the smallest but for obvious reasons, she was in the driver’s seat.

“Hubba hubba. You look gorg,” Viv said, speeding off and fishtailing when she pulled onto the street. “Got a hot date later?”

“Nope. Just felt good and wanted my outfit to match.” Lie, Cami, lie.

“Well if that’s how you’re feeling, I’d say someone’s looking to dust off the old coochie cobwebs.” CeCe laughed and Viv held her hand up for a high five.

“Really, C? Coochie cobwebs? I’m just fine, thank you.” I tossed my hair back, fresh highlights and waves, with all the attitude and confidence I could muster.

“Nope. Orgasm by B.O.B doesn’t count. Dry spells are only broken when a P enters the V and results in a big O.” CeCe put on her best O face, giving us a glimpse of her sex face and making me feel a bit uncomfortable.

“Well in case you forgot, the person who's been giving me my O face for the last nine years has been noticeably absent for ten months. Sooo-” I gave them a pointed look that had them shutting their mouths. “Where’re we going today?”

Each week, we took turns picking the restaurant for our Sunday Funday brunch and today was Cathia’s week.

“It’s a surprise,” she said. “It’s a new place over in Woods Edge. I think you’ll love it.”

Her overly enthusiastic tone had me feeling suspicious but today was all about showing them I was fine, so I brushed it off.

The music was loud and we were singing along to all of our favorites when we pulled off the highway. Cathia pulled out her phone and began typing furiously to someone.

“Who’re you texting?” I asked her, trying to sneak a peek over her shoulder.

She pulled her phone away from me and slid it quickly into her purse.

“Nunya…Nunya business,” she said and left it at that.

We drove for another five minutes before pulling into the parking lot of a cottage looking building.

“Get Forked,” I said, reading the sign.

“Isn’t that funny? You should see the names of their dishes. You’re gonna love it.” Viv put her car in park and opened up her door. “C’mon. I’m starved.”

One by one, we filed out and made our way in.

“Hello. Welcome to Get Forked. How many in your party?” The perky hostess asked when we shuffled up to her.

“Hi. We have a reservation for Mike Oochie.” I snorted from behind CeCe and watched the poor hostess stare with wide eyes and shock.

I leaned forward and rested my head on CeCe’s back, trying to hide my body that was shaking with silent laughter.

The hostess looked at her list and cleared her throat. “Yes. Mike…Oochie,” she said reluctantly. “Party of seven. Right this way.” She grabbed a stack of menus and escorted us to a long farmhouse style table.

“Seven?” I asked once we were sitting.

Viv waved me away. “They must’ve messed up. It’s okay. We’re here so let’s just have a good time.”

We all opened our menus and began browsing dishes. With each menu item, my jaw fell slacker and my eyes grew wider.

“I take it this is not a family place?”

“Not for Sunday brunch. Or Friday nights. Or Saturday nights,” Cathia replied.

The outside of this restaurant was quite deceiving. A modern cottage with white hardy plank siding and black trimmed windows opened up to a clean and bright space. The interior boasted light wash hardwood floors and a large stone fireplace in the lounge area. Farmhouse style tables were decorated with fresh flowers and plants. But that is where the quaint stopped.

Menagé Foie Gras. Pound Me French Toast. Cream My Pie Pancakes. Dirty Shirley Mimosa.

How in the world was I supposed to order something to eat with a straight face?

“Good morning, ladies. I’m Megan and I’ll be your server so please, let me service you.”

Oh jeez. Even the wait staff was suggestive.

“Yes please, Megan. You look like you give good service so how about a pitcher of Dirty Shirley Mimosas to start?” CeCe’s voice was raspy and low. She sounded like a sex phone operator and not the professional PR executive for a major league baseball team that she was.

“Yes, ma’am. I’ll be right back.” The waitress winked at us and walked away, shaking her hips with each step.

“Are you guys fucking with me? Is this a real place, or is this an elaborate punk that you three pulled together?” I watched their faces for any sort of twitch or hint of a mask cracking.

“No punk,” Cathia said, still looking over the dishes. “This place is legit.”

“And the food is delish.” Viv rolled her eyes back and licked her lips.

“I should’ve known you were being cheeky, Mike Oochie.”

CeCe laughed and blew me a kiss. “Knew you’d like it.”

The waitress returned with our Dirty Shirley’s and glasses. “Are you waiting for other guests?”

“N-“ I started to say when a deep voice interrupted me.

“Sorry we’re late beautiful ladies.”

I slowly turned my head and watched as three tall and devastatingly gorgeous men sauntered up to our table.

Bishop Michaels, Hayes McCallan and his brother who shall not be named, all pulled out a chair and sank down like they owned the place. Their faces were wide with smiles and they had a certain gleam in their eyes.

I clenched my jaw and focused on the reaction of my girls.

One by one, I narrowed my eyes and gave them an icy glare letting them know to enjoy their last day on earth as I’d be burying their bodies in my backyard later.

Cathia and Viv looked nervous as hell, while CeCe began doling out our cocktails.

Through gritted teeth, I leaned into Cathia and said, “I’m going to fucking kill you three.”

Cathia gave me a trembling smile and laughed nervously.

Since I had assumed it was just the four of us when we sat down, the chair to my left was vacant with Cathia on my right. Across from us looked similar with Viv sitting next to CeCe and an open spot next to her. Two chairs sat at each end of the table.

With the knowledge that I never want to see him again, you’d have thought Vaughan would sit furthest away from me.

Well, you’d be wrong.

The asshole tucked himself into the empty seat next to me and smiled like it was just an ordinary day. Bishop took the seat across from him while Hayes sat at the end near Viv and Cathia.

I clenched my fists to hide the growing rage that was beginning to boil to the surface. In my mind, I envisioned pouring their Dirty Shirley’s over their heads. Red, sticky juice dripping down their faces like Carrie’s foe at prom.

“How’s it going?” Bishop asked.

I was equally pissed with him as it seems he also had a hand in this little sneak attack. They all did. I’m the only one looking like a clueless fool.

“Honestly? Pretty shitty. Excuse me,” I snapped and pushed back from the table.

Without a glance back, I searched around until I found the sign for the restrooms and darted off.

I flung the door open and it slammed against the wall, frightening a woman washing her hands at the sink.

She gasped and water splashed on the mirror. “So sorry,” I apologized and stepped into a stall.

The lock clicked in place and I heard the door open and close as the woman exited.

I grabbed a seat cover and laid it down on the lid of the toilet and sat down. Pissed off or not, this dress was new and expensive and I wasn’t about to stain it with pee or something worse.

How could they do this to me?

For some reason, four of my best friends were determined to push me and Vaughan together. My feelings in the matter obviously didn’t matter to them because here we were, all snuggled up at a table, having brunch like old times.

Vaughan had a smile like a pig in mud so it was plain to see he was just fine with what was happening. Easy for him since I wasn’t the one who cheated and had a child with another man.

The door creaked open and the sound of shoes clicking against the tile drew closer. A knock on the stall door made me jump.

“Cami?” My sister's cautious voice said.

“Not here. I think I saw a lady crawling out the window,” I retorted.

“You gonna come on out or let everyone out there think you have a case of the diarrheas?” Cathia mocked but I was in no mood for jokes.

“Kick rocks. All six of you.” I pulled out my phone and brought up the Uber app.

If these assholes were going to play this bullshit game, they’d have to do it without me.

“What are you doing, Cam?” I looked up to find my sister peeking over the stall divider.

“Ordering a car to take me home since my friends betrayed me.” There was a car six minutes away. That gave me enough time to chug down my drink and make a grand exit and vow to never speak to any of those jerks again.

“Don’t. Please? I know you’re pissed—“

“No shit, Sherlock.”

“But please. Just come back out and enjoy brunch with us. Yes, we were a little sneaky with our approach,” I squinted at her and pursed my lips.

A little sneaky?

“It was for the greater good. You’ll see.”

“Greater good? Who’s greater good? Not mine, that’s for damn sure. Quit hanging on that. You’re gonna get gonorrhea.” She stepped off of what I’m assuming was the toilet and came back to stand at my door.

“I’m gonna say something that will probably —no, definitely— make you angry, but it needs to be said.”

“I’d rethink that if I were you. I already have three open spots for new best friends. I’d hate for a position as favorite sister come available.”

“It’s been twelve years. It’s time to grow up and forgive the man. You cut him off without a second chance and he deserves one.”

“He deserves one? Are you smoking crack right now? The only thing Vaughan McCallan deserves is my foot up his ass. I don’t owe him a goddamn thing, Cat. Did you forget that he cheated on me and had a kid? All while I was sitting in my dorm room, crying my eyes out and wasting away?”

I couldn’t believe my ears. It was bad enough to have her plotting this little coup, but for her to tell me he deserved a second chance with me? Good Jesus. She’d lost her ever loving mind.

“I remember. Believe me, I remember. And it kills me that you went through that. But if you’d just listen to what he has to say, I think you’d see him in a different light. There’s more to his story that you need to know. It’s something you should’ve heard twelve years ago. I think it’s long overdue.”

Her voice was stern with insistence. I felt betrayed by my own flesh and blood. Why would Cathia, the woman who would slash the tires of anyone who deceived her or anyone she loved, stand behind Vaughan? What could he have possibly told her that would cause her to help him?

I stood up and clicked the lock and let the door swing open.

“Why?” I asked, my voice a choked whisper.

She pulled me to her and wrapped me in a hug that I did not return.

“Because you both deserve to be happy, and the two of you together were pure elation. Things are not always as they seem. And if you listen to him, I wager you’ll be feeling the years you lost in an entirely different way.”

Her heart beat a steady rhythm in her chest while mine was a chaotic mix of too fast and too slow.

“I can’t, Cat. It still hurts to even think about,” I confessed.

She leaned back just enough to see the tears building in my eyes. “And that’s how I know you need to hear him out.”

She released me and took a step back. I wiped away the small tear before it could fall. I wouldn’t waste another year on Vaughan. Or another minute.

It doesn't matter what lousy excuse he has about what happened. I didn’t want to hear it nor was I willing to give him a chance to hurt me again.

I sidestepped around Cathia and marched out of the restroom and to our table with her close on my heels. Silence fell amongst everyone as they watched me.

I picked up my glass, drank every last drop in one gulp, and slammed it back down. My eyes bore into those of each person who had betrayed me, focusing the longest on Vaughan. His throat bobbed as he swallowed and his eyes wavered between mine.

Without another word, I turned my back to them and walked away. I looked back over my shoulder before I stepped out the door and saw five sets of eyes staring back at me. Vaughan’s shoulders were slumped over and his head hung, his chin resting on his chest.

A twinge of sadness poked at me as I looked at him, but the reminders of the way he left me in shattered pieces washed that feeling away.

I pushed through the doors and ordered a car. I stood at the edge of the parking lot, trying, once again, to forget about Vaughan McCallan…and failing miserably.

Eighteen

VAUGHAN

T he table was silent and the blanket of uncomfortableness was thick.

My eyes tracked their way to where Cami walked out and the doors closed behind her.

My chest hurt and I felt like an idiot for thinking that this would work. I was naive to assume that Cami would feel more inclined to listen to me if we were surrounded by our friends. Ambushing her was clearly not the way to go.

The chair next to me moved and Cathia sat down. She laid a hand on my shoulder and squeezed until I looked up.

“I’m sorry, Vaughan. She…” her shoulders inched to her ears and down again as she sighed heavily. “I thought for sure that she…I didn’t even imagine that she would leave.”

“It’s okay. Shouldn’t have surprised her like that.”

Our friends began talking in hushed tones leaving me to stew in my own thoughts.

“I know once she hears what really happened she’ll change her mind. Don’t give up,” Cathia reassured me.

I nodded, not feeling confident that she’d even look my way again. If she gave me another chance it would be a miracle.

It was Friday and the last of the day campers had just driven off with her parents. There was still another couple hours of work to be done with brushing out and feeding the horses, cleaning up the picnic area and cutting checks to our workers.

We had four college kids home for the summer who were working for us. Bryan was a skilled fisherman and led the days we taught the kids to fly fish. Abi had ridden horses all her life and helped me with horseback riding lessons. Neil was an avid hunter and taught the kids to shoot a bow and arrow alongside Hayes, and Briley was a wiz in the kitchen and worked hard cooking up lunch and packing snacks for everyone.

While we all served as backup and support staff to whomever was leading the day's activities, we still didn’t have enough hands. The horses required the most care and with Abi and I being the most knowledgeable, it was left to us to tend to them daily. Eight horses and two more on their way was a lot of upkeep and we really needed another person to share the duties.

“Hey Hayes,” I shouted from the barn door. He looked over from where he was spraying down the dirt in the outdoor riding ring. “Any luck with finding someone to help with the horses?”

He shut off the hose and walked over to me. Sweat was dripping down his face and his muck boots were covered in mud.

It’d been three weeks since we posted an ad for an open position with our ranch. So far we’d had dozens of applicants, but none of them knew the ins and outs of tending to horses or working on a ranch as they initially claimed to.

Hayes pulled off his hat and used the hem of his t-shirt to wipe the sweat off his brow. “I had another three applications hit my email this morning. I just haven’t had a chance to look over them. Wanna take a look with me when we’re done here?”

I shut the door to Regency’s stall and grabbed an apple from the bucket at my feet and fed it to her. “Good girl,” I cooed and petted her shiny mane. “Yeah. That sounds good. I’mma take a shower and then we can ask Day what she wants for dinner. Briley said there were leftovers from lunch, but I could really use something greasy and that goes well with beer.”

“Ah man. I could go for a burger from Gimp’s. Feel like making a trip out?”

My body was beat and I felt like I could sleep twenty-four hours. But the mouth-watering burgers from Gimp’s was currently overriding my need to pass out.

“Sure. You wanna shower up here?” I asked him and he nodded.

We headed for the mud room and sprayed ourselves off with the house outside before walking inside.

Dagen was our forever camper and was quickly becoming as knowledgeable as our guides. She was already an expert around the horses and she had found a special interest in archery. But being eleven –almost twelve– meant she still had a ways to go before she could take on any campers on her own. For now, she was happy being our expert sidekick.

“Day,” I called out, my voice bouncing off the tile and walls.

Hayes and I walked upstairs. He went into one of the guestrooms to shower while I knocked on Dagen’s closed door.

“Baby bird? You in there?” I tried to turn the knob but found it locked. I began to panic and knocked louder and harder on her door.

Her door was never locked and rarely shut as it was a rule that it only closed when she was showering, changing or sleeping. And even then, the door was never locked. I always knocked and waited for her to open the door so I didn’t walk in to find her changing –that happened once and I practically lost my head after she yelled at me and lectured how she was a young lady and needed her privacy. But if her door was locked and an emergency occurred, I needed to be able to get in and a locked door wasn’t conducive for that.

“Da–”

“Chillax, dad. I’m here.” Dagen opened the door wrapped in a robe and her hair twisted up in a turban style wrap.

Her cheeks were pink from what must have been a hot shower. She had been losing the chubby cheeks that I loved so much, and each day she looked more and more like a teenager and less like my little bird.

“Day. Why was your door locked? You know the rules.” I leaned against the door frame and crossed my arms over my chest.

She gave me a hearty eye roll and flung her arms wide.

“Dad…I’m almost twelve. I need my privacy. I can’t have you barging in on me. What if I was…not dressed?”

I mimicked her eye roll and arms. “Daaay…you’re almost twelve and until you can pay for your own door, this one is to remain unlocked. I have never ‘barged’ in and always knock as I know you need to keep some things private. Just leave it unlocked. Okay?” She nodded and stepped aside, allowing me to enter her domain. “I was calling your name and knocking, but you weren’t answering. I was worried something was wrong.”

I plopped down on her giant beanbag, my butt sinking low and stretching out my legs.

“Nothing was wrong, dad. I just…” she rolled her lips between her teeth and looked around the room.

Her eyes glistened and I could sense something was bothering her. I fought with the damn bean chair and finally climbed to my feet. I tried to scoop her up in my arms but she pushed me away and shook her head.

“Dagen. What’s wrong? Are you hurt?” My worry was growing and my heart hurt.

“It’s embarrassing,” she whispered.

“You can tell me anything. Nothin’ to be embarrassed about.” I held her hand and rubbed her cheek. “What’s going on?”

Big fat tears began to fall from her green eyes. My chest cracked open a little more seeing my baby girl so emotional.

“I…I think I started m-my period,” she choked out.

Well shit.

I took a deep breath and told myself to calm down. I couldn’t freak out and upset her more. I knew this day would come. The day that she would need her mom, or a mother figure, to help her through the things that only a woman could understand. But she was stuck with just me and I needed to man up and think like a woman.

“Okay. Do you think so, or do you know for sure?” I asked calmly.

“I-I know for sure,” she cried and I held her tighter in my arms.

“Okay. There’s nothing to be embarrassed about, sweetheart. This is just part of life. I know I’m not a lady but I know what you need. Do you need me to go to the store? Or would you rather Gran do it?” I was stuck hoping she’d ask my mom to go, but wishing it was me she needed to take care of her.

She gave me a one shoulder shrug and dropped her eyes to the floor. Her bright pink toenails were chipping from spending their days in boots and sneakers, and they wiggled in the shaggy rug.

“Ca-can you get me stuff? I don’t have anything and I don’t think I can wait for Gran.” Her voice was low and she kept her head down.

I tilted her chin up with my index finger and thumb until she was looking me in the eyes.

“I can do that, baby bird. Think you can wait about fifteen minutes so I can grab a shower?” She bit her lip and nodded, tears still streaming down her face. “No more cryin’. Everything is going to be alright. I’ll get what you need and then how about we go with Uncle Hayes to Gimp’s and gorge on greasy burgers and soda?”

“I’d like that.” She gave me a watery smile and I gave her chin a little shake.

“I’ll hurry. By the time I shower and get back from the store, do you think you’ll be ready?”

“Yeah. I’ll be ready.”

I kissed her forehead and held her close. She wrapped her little arms around me and squeezed.

“Thanks, daddy.”

I pushed down the lump in my throat and closed my eyes. I don’t know how much longer she’d call me that, so I was going to memorize this moment.

We separated and I left her room, making my way to the master wing of the house and giving myself a pep talk.

I could do this. I was a man and I shied at nothing. I would walk right into the grocery store and buy…period stuff for my daughter without feeling any other way than proud of myself for doing so.

Then I’d haul ass back home and drop everything on her bed like it was a bomb that was about to explode.

And that’s exactly what I did.

The three of us walked into Gimp’s, Day smiling a little bigger and a pep in her step that wasn’t there earlier.

I may have wanted to hide my face under a ski mask and run out of the store as fast as my legs could take me, but I patted myself on the back for being brave enough to buy a basket full of feminine hygiene products without acting like a fumbling idiot.

Gimp’s was its usual Friday night busy and we waited for the hostess to seat us. The young lady batted her eyelashes flirtatiously at Hayes and popped the gum she was chewing.

Hayes smiled and winked back and I elbowed him in the ribs. “Jailbait, dummy.”

He rolled eyes and we followed the girl to our table.

“Here you go,” she said.

I held a chair out for Dagen then looked up. My eyes locked with a pair that sat at the table right next to us and my breath caught in my chest.

A smile tugged on the corners of my mouth and I said a silent thank you to the big guy upstairs because next to us sat Dre and Lisette Villalobos, along with his parents and most importantly, Cami.

Nineteen

CAMILLE

T hat’s it! I’ve had it.

I’d been back in town for almost two months and in that time Vaughan McCallan had crossed my path more than I would’ve liked.

“Hi Ms. Camille.” Vaughan’s daughter Dagen hopped up from the chair she had just sat in and waved at me, enthusiastically.

“Oh my. Is this your daughter, Vaughan?” My mother asked.

“Yes ma’am, it is.” Vaughan walked over to where momma sat and leaned down to place a kiss on her cheek. “How are you, Alma?”

She patted his cheek with stars in her eyes.

Good grief.

Everyone and everything was against me when it came to Vaughan. It seems like my mom, just like my ex best friends and former sister, were all clearly on team Vaughan.

“I’m wonderful, dear. She is gorgeous.”

Vaughan motioned for Dagen to join him and introduced her to momma.

“Dagen. This is Mr. and Mrs. Villalobos. Cami’s parents.”

“Hi. Pleasure to meet you,” she said, politely, and shook their hands.

“And this is Cami’s brother, Andrés.”

“Hello, Dagen. You can call me Dre. This is my wife Lisette and our daughter, Maddie.”

“Omigosh. She’s soo cute,” Dagen cooed over my niece and I agreed.

“Hayes? What are you doing standing all the way over there? C’mere.” My dad stood and shook Vaughan’s hand before turning to shake Hayes’.

“How are you, Juan? Alma. You look even more beautiful than when I last saw ya.”

The McCallan boys sure knew how to pour on the southern charm.

“We were just about to order. Why don’t you three join us?” Dad said without even looking at me.

Add one more member to Team Vaughan. My fingers were crossed that I at the very least had Dre and Lisette on my side. But with the way things were going, I wasn’t too hopeful.

“Oh no. We don’t wanna intrude.” Vaughan looked at me sheepishly, remembering what happened the last time we got stuck at the same table.

“Don’t be silly,” momma said. “Waitress,” she hollered and flagged down a server who wasn’t even our own. “Could we just pull this table over? They’re going to be joining us for dinner.”

“Sure thing. No problem. I’ll get someone to fix that for ya.” Our waitress walked off to get help and I deducted a couple dollars from her tip.

A tall man came over and began moving tables and chairs, connecting what was now three tables together.

“You okay?” Dre asked when he leaned in close to whisper in my ear.

“No, but what choice do I have?”

Everyone stood and began playing musical chairs. Maddie’s high chair was moved to one end of the conjoined tables and Dre and Lisette took their place next to mom and dad opposite of me.

“Is it okay if I sit next to you, Ms. Camille?” Dagen pulled out the chair next to me.

Her pretty green eyes were bright and the smile on her face was wide. She looked so much like her dad it was a gut punch. The only difference between the two was her dark hair to his light. But the rest was all Vaughan.

“Of course, sweetie,” I replied, trying to force down the pain that was growing in my chest.

She sat down and wiggled her chair in place. Vaughan sat down next to her and passed me an apologetic look over the top of his daughter’s head.

I gave him a tight smile and focused on my menu. My family already had their usual favorites that they planned to order, and it appeared the McCallan’s did as well as no one else made a move to pick up their menus.

The server arrived and everyone placed their food and drink order leaving me for last. The waitress left with a smile and I fidgeted in my seat, dreading the conversation to come.

“So Vaughan,” my dad begins. “How’s the ranch doing?”

Vaughan finished a long gulp of the water that was placed in front of him. “It’s great. Better than we expected, actually. So much that we are in need of extra staff. We keep adding camps and we just can’t keep up with the demand with the small staff we have.”

Momma’s eyes find mine and I pin her with my gaze. Don’t even think about it, I beg her hoping that she’s acquired the ability to hear me telepathically since I’ve been in North Carolina.

“What type of help are you looking for?” dad asks.

“We really need help in the stable and with the horses,” Hayes says, answering for Vaughan. “We weren’t expecting the response to our outdoor adventure camp to be so successful, and most of the knowledgeable, experienced handlers are already working for other ranches.”

“You know,” momma says.

Don’t please, God. Just don’t say i–

“Camille was just saying she was really wanting to work with horses, again. She had so little free time in North Carolina with their company. You should definitely talk to her about working there.” Momma looks at me with a saccharine smile and I glare at her through narrowed eyes.

“I did,” Hayes tells her, causing Vaughan to swing his head to look at him. “I, uh, meant to tell you but it seems that Cami wasn’t interested,” he finishes explaining to Vaughan.

Vaughan moves his head slowly to look at me as do the other heads at the table. Momma is scrutinizing. Dad looks pensive in his deep thoughts. Lisette smiles at me with a wistfulness that I can only roll my eyes at. Dre looks understanding knowing what kind of predicament working for him would cause, and Vaughan just looks…crestfallen.

“Is that so?” momma asks. “And what was her answer, Hayes?”

“She didn’t think it was a good…fit,” he finishes.

I make eye contact with everyone once again, and see so many questions in Vaughan’s eyes.

I can see that my rejection of working for him cuts him. I don’t know why he would think that I’d feel comfortable enough to be around him after that night at Billy’s and after walking out on him and our friends at Get Forked.

I think I made it very clear that I wasn’t interested in anything to do with him. We had nothing to discuss and we sure as hell didn’t have any business working together.

“Well that’s a shame,” momma continues, cutting through my thoughts. “She’s been complaining about how bored she is at home and how she wishes she could find somewhere to volunteer at. I suggested an animal shelter, but she really wants to work with horses. Like in high school. You remember, Vaughan.”

“She was really great with them,” he says, thinking back to the time we spent mucking stalls and caring for the horses at Talbert Ranch when it was actually run by the Talbert’s.

“And she is sitting right here. So please quit talking about me like I’m not.” I fling my curls out of my face and straighten my spine just as the waitress places the appetizers we ordered in the center of the table.

We fall silent, everyone grabbing small plates and piling fried pickles and ranch on them. Out of the corner of my eye I see Dagen wiggling in her chair and lean into her dad, whispering in his ear.

He leans back to look her in the eye and whispers –though I still hear him–, “Would you like me to go out and get…it for you?”

I tilt my head in their direction and act as if I’m stretching my neck. Dagen’s cheeks are flush and she chews on her lip.

“I don’t have anywhere to put it. I don’t…I don’t have a purse or anything, dad.”

Vaughan scratches his head, looking uncertain of what to say next. I can’t be certain of what they’re talking about, but I have a pretty good guess.

Though it may not be my place, I’m a woman and all this little girl has is her dad. It doesn’t seem like either of them are quite prepared to handle the situation.

I clear my throat and lean into Dagen. “Is everything okay?”

She looks nervous and I see sadness in her eyes. “Um, yeah. I’m,” she makes a little groan of embarrassment and looks at Vaughan.

“She,” he fumbles with his words and scoots a little closer to me. “She needs to go to the restroom but needs…something first.”

“Daaad,” she whines.

“Day.” He places a hand on top of hers that sit in her lap, fingers twisting together. “Don’t be embarrassed. As you can see, Cami is a woman whereas I am not. I would think you’d feel better talking to her about this than me.”

She looks up at him, her eyes shining with tears that she is desperately trying to hold back, then moves her gaze towards me.

The rest of the table can’t hear what we are saying and they’re doing an excellent job acting like they don’t want to eavesdrop in on our little private conversation.

“Sweetie,” I say, lowering my voice in a calm and gentle tone. “Is it a female thing?” She swallows and nods her head. “Okay. I can come with you. Is there something you need?”

“Yes,” she whispers. “It’s in dad’s truck.”

I place the napkin that was in my lap on the table and slowly slide my chair back. “I’ll go with you to get it and we can go to the restroom together. That sound good?” She nods again and a tiny tear leaks from the corner of her eye.

It must be so hard to have to face these growing pains without a mom to be there to guide her. I wanted not to like this young lady simply because she represented something that I would never have with the man who helped create her. But who am I kidding. I love kids and I am by far a petty person. I may be able to close myself off to Vaughan, but this sweet girl is all alone with only dad and she needs help.

“C’mon.” I reach for her hand and she places hers in mine. “Excuse us,” I tell the table. “Dagen and I will be right back.”

They look at us and nod, momma smiling wide, and Vaughan hands his remote over to Dagen.

We walk out and she directs us to where they parked and hits the key fob. The lights to the truck flash and I use every muscle in my mouth to hold back the smirk that wants to break free.

Of course Vaughan would own a jacked-up truck. He’s a country boy at heart and I wouldn’t expect any less.

Big tires, running boards that pop out by hydraulics when the door opens, and a big grill for working the ranch.

Dagen climbs in –literally– and sorts through a backpack in the back seat. She hops down –again, literally– and tries to conceal the maxi pad in her hand.

“Why don’t I put that in my purse. Easier,” I tell her and she sighs before her face breaks out into a smile.

“Thank you, Miss Camille. I don’t really do purses so I wasn’t sure where to put them. Ya know?”

We walk back inside and through the restaurant to the restrooms. I catch Vaughan’s eyes watching us as we pass.

“You can call me Cami. That’s what my friends call me.” She looks back at me as we walk through the door and her face is so innocent and…

How could I ever think I wouldn’t like her?

“Am I your friend?” She sounds and looks flabbergasted.

“Of course. Would you…is that okay?” I suddenly grow nervous thinking I misinterpreted her look.

“Yes!” she exclaims and wraps me into a hug. I stiffen for just a moment then wrap my around her. “Thank you for helping me.”

A small lump begins to grow in my throat and I feel so alone. I don’t have anyone to hug me with this much joy and appreciation. I don’t have a daughter to bond over special moments like these, or even fight with when those trying teenage years come. I don’t have anything but a broken heart and an emptiness that will likely never be filled.

“You’re welcome. I’m happy to help anytime.”

She nods against my stomach and squeezes one more time before releasing and stepping into the stall.

What I wouldn’t give for the life I was promised.

Twenty

VAUGHAN

W hen Day and Cami returned from the restroom, my daughter's face was lit up with a joy I haven’t seen her possess since her mother died. When Stephanie died, Dagen lost a piece of herself. She was young but still old enough to remember the good time she had with her mom. She was also old enough to recognize that there would be so many milestones that Steph wouldn’t be here for.

As much as my mom has tried to be that missing piece for Day, it just isn’t the same. Mom treats her like a grandmother does. She coddles her a little too much and spoils her rotten. My mom, the strict disciplinarian that would ground us if we were a minute late after our curfew, is a push-over when it comes to her grand-daughter and no longer has the strength to tell her no.

Dagen loves her grandmother but she’s lacking that special joy that only a mother can bring. It’s been four long years since she expressed that level of happiness. But today, while we sat and ate and talked, that sparkle was back in her eyes and her smile was wider than I ever remember seeing it.

She and Cami –no longer Miss Camille– joked and laughed and whispered secrets the entire dinner. They were in their own little world. And as I watched them, my heart ached with a longing for Dagen to have that in her life. For me to have that in my life. To have Camille.

She’s the only woman I have ever loved and the only one I pictured as a mother to our children. Guilt stabs at me when I wish that Cami was Dagen’s mom.

Why couldn’t it have been her?

It should’ve been Cami. She should’ve been Camille McCallan and it should be our ranch that we run alongside our daughters and sons. What I wouldn’t give to turn back time and force her to listen to me. I know if she knew the truth of what happened that night that we would be together. It would have been tough finding out Stephanie was pregnant, but I know she would have supported me and made it work.

That’s just who she is. I have no doubt that despite how Dagen came into my life, she’d be there to love her with me. I can’t say that she wouldn’t have wanted to rip everyone of Stephanie’s hairs from her head for what she did –and rightfully deserved– but I wouldn't have had to marry Steph. I could have been the dad that loved his daughter with all his heart and Camille would’ve been the wonderful step-mom who loved Day as if she were hers.

I got glimpses of that all throughout dinner and I found myself smiling every time I looked at the two of them.

When dinner was over and Cami insisted on paying, we all walked out to our vehicles and I knew this was my chance to get her alone.

“Hey Cam? Mind if I talk to you for just a sec?” I asked, praying that she’d give me just a minute of her time.

She hesitated, searching around for someone to bail her out, but when they all went on their way so she agreed with a short nod.

“Hayes,” I called out and tossed him my keys. “I’ll be just a minute.”

Hayes caught the keys then jogged over to us.

“G’bye beautiful Cam. I hope to see you soon. Specifically at the ranch working in the barn with the horses who I know you’d fall in love with.” He kissed her cheek and sped off before she could protest.

Dagen walked over to her and wrapped her arms around Cami. Cam bent over to hug her and whispered in Day’s ear. They giggled and Day nodded her head enthusiastically.

“Bye Cami. Thanks, again. Maybe we can have, like, a girls day…or something.” She was nervous, I could tell it by the tremble in her voice, but her eyes were alight with hope.

Cami gave her a sweet smile and tucked Day’s hair behind ear. “I’d love that, Dagen.”

Day bounced on her toes then waved frantically before running after Hayes.

I followed Cami to her car and stood by the driver’s door.

I cleared my throat and ran my thumb across my bottom lip –a nervous habit. I watched as Cami’s eyes fell to my lips and her chest rose with a deep inhale. My heart sped up and I had to fist my hands to stop myself from reaching out and taking her in my arms.

“Thanks for all you did for Dagen today. She, uh…” I struggled with just what to tell her about what happened this afternoon, but figured it couldn’t hurt. “This was the first day she got her…you know.” I squinted one eye and rubbed the back of my neck suddenly feeling uncomfortable.

“Her period,” Cami finished.

“Yeah. That.” My cheeks flushed with embarrassment. “Thank you. These types of milestones are out of my realm and I really appreciate what you did for her. I know she does, too.”

Cami smiled, a genuine Camille smile, and butterflies swarmed my belly. I haven’t been the recipient of one of those glorious smiles in far too many years. If it’s the last one I’m going to get, I’ll memorize every detail about it.

My eyes stayed locked on her and I watched as her smile slowly faded. I continued to stare at her closed mouth, willing it to lift for me again.

“Dagen is a wonderful girl,” Cami says, breaking the spell. “She’s so sweet. I was very happy that I was here to help. And I know I’ve said some things to you but, if she needs anything at all, she can contact me. I didn’t give her my number–”

“She doesn’t have a phone, despite her protests. But she can always use mine. If-if you’re truly okay with that. Because once you open up that flood gate, I have a feeling she’ll bug you morning, noon and night.”

Another smile.

“That’s quite alright.”

I take my phone out of my back pocket and unlock it, handing it to her to put her number in. Her hand moves slowly and hovers above where the phone is gripped in my hand. She seems unsure of whether or not she wants to give me her number but finally takes a hold of it and enters her information.

When she hands it back I see that she’s saved as Camille Stevens. So formal and not us at all. Or, at least how we used to be.

I quickly and swiftly change the name to My Sunshine and then send a text so that she’ll have my number.

“That’s me,” I tell her when her phone buzzes in her purse.

We hold each other’s gaze for another moment before she turns her back. She grips the handle of her door, but I move fast and open it for her. She looks at me over her shoulder with a tight smile and a “thanks”. She climbs in and we stare for another minute.

“Goodbye, Vaughan,” she said at the same time as I said, “Would you want to come by the ranch sometime?”

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”

“I just thought you’d like to check out the stables. Maybe ride one of the horses. Seems like you’ve really been missing it.” She bit her bottom lip and dropped her eyes to her lap.

The silence stretches between us while she contemplates what to say.

“Maybe,” she finally says, and I let out the breath I was holding. “We’ll see.”

I dip my chin at her and give her a crooked smirk. “Just let me know. Anytime is fine. I know Day would love it if you came.”

She tilts her head and gives me a look. “No fair. You can’t play the daughter card.”

I smile again and shrug. “It’s the only one I got.”

She shakes her head trying hard to hide her laughter. I resist leaning in and kissing like Hayes did because I don’t think the reception would be quite the same. In fact, I have a feeling I’d come away with a red mark the size of her hand on my cheek.

“Bye Cami. Drive carefully,” I croak through the lump in my throat.

“G’night, Vaughan.” She spins her legs in and I close the door.

I watch as she starts up her car and reverses out of the spot and I don’t turn away until she’s out of the parking lot and out of sight.

“Vaughan!” I hear someone shout from outside the barn, but I’m elbow deep in mud and hay as I clean out one of the stalls. “Vaughan!” they shout again.

“In here,” I reply, annoyed and grumpy that yet again I’m stuck doing this shit on my own.

I hear the thud of boots as the footsteps draw closer. When they stop in front of the stall, I look up to find Hayes standing there with his hands on his hips and a shit eating grin on his face.

“Hey asshole. Instead of standing there smiling with your thumb up your ass, how ‘bout you help me.” I hold up my hands covered in rubber work gloves and, well…mud.

“Can’t,” is all he says.

I stare at him waiting for him to add more but he just stares. And it’s fucking pissing me off.

“D’you need something, or did you just come to piss me off? I’ve got shit to do, Hayes, and I’m not in the mood for yours.” I turn away and finish scrubbing the wall before dropping the brush in the bucket and picking up the hose.

I begin spraying everything off and move the puddles along towards the front of the stall, where I find Hayes still standing there.

“Goddammit, Hayes. What?!” I shout.

He rocks back on his heels and adjusts his hat. “You got a visitor.”

“Can’t you handle it? I’m kinda busy.” I continue to spray the mud out and ignore him.

“Nuh uh. They asked for you.” He smirks again and it’s the tipping point.

I lift the hose and drench him from head to toe, practically washing him down the drain with the rest of the shit.

“What the fuck, Vaughan!” He stumbles back from the high power of the water hitting him, and jumps out of the line of fire.

I move the nozzle away from him and he swipes at the water dripping down his face.

“You jackass. I was gonna tell you to spray yourself off, but screw you. They’re waiting on the patio with Dagen.” He kicks at the water and shakes off his hat before walking back out the way he came.

I’m at a loss as to who could be here. I don’t have any scheduled visits, mom and dad and Bishop just stop by and end up wandering around the ranch until they find me, and anyone else would call first.

Taking into consideration what Hayes said, I spray myself off as best I can and rip off the gloves and toss them on the floor. I stomp out of the barn and shuck off the mud boots by the door, grabbing my work boots and shoving my feet into the dry shoes.

I decide I’m too freaking tired to walk all the way back to the house and jump on one of the quads and speed off. As I near the house, I see two people sitting under the umbrella and laughing. Dagen’s voice can be heard and her laughter cuts through the roar of the engine. I come to a stop at the edge of the iron fence and step through the gate.

Both Day and the woman sitting at the table watch me as I walk towards them and my smile grows wider and wider.

I come to a stop directly in front of our guest and look down at her.

“Camille? What are you doing here?” The words are like a gust of air flowing through me.

“Hi. Uh, I talked to Hayes earlier and asked if y’all would mind if I came by to say hello to Ms. Dagen and see the changes you’ve made.” Every word is like a question. She seems so unsure of herself, but I’m still processing the fact that she’s even here. “I’m sorry. I guess I should’ve just called you but–”

“No,” I clip. “No. I’m glad you’re here. Doesn’t matter which one of us you called, so long as you called,” I smile and get a small one in return.

I have a feeling that today is going to be one of the best I’ve had in a very long time.

Twenty-One

CAMILLE

W hat was I thinking?

I should’ve never come up to Vaughan’s ranch. But I was feeling like I needed to check on Dagen after last Friday night. At least…that’s what I’m telling myself.

I didn’t dare call Vaughan. I would’ve changed my mind the second I heard his voice which, now that I think about it, is what I probably should have done. Instead, I called Hayes who just about hoot and hollered in my ear when I told I wanted to stop by.

And now, here I am, sitting in front of Vaughan McCallan who looks like every woman’s cowboy fantasy come to life.

Jeans that fit just snug enough to accentuate his thick thighs and what has to be a great ass. His t-shirt clings to his body with sweat and outlines the ridges of his hard chest and abs. That cowboy hat sits low on his head giving just a hint of the green eyes that shine with an intensity I’ve never seen before. Finish the whole delicious package off with firm biceps with ropes of muscle from his hands and disappearing into the sleeves of his shirt. And…

Are those tattoos?

Oh dear sweet baby Jesus. I cannot handle this right now. I’m already teetering on the edge of insanity after studying him and all the ways he’s changed since the first night I saw him at Billy’s. But then you give this sexy man –not the boy I remember– inked, muscled skin and I am literally seconds away from throwing myself at him and saying to hell with what happened all those years ago.

I mentally shake off all thoughts of climbing Vaughan like a cat in heat and remind myself that I’m simply a bundle of live wires ready to combust due to lack of sex for too many months.

That thought sends a wave of guilt rushing over when I think of the last time I made love. The night before Robbie died. The fact is like a cold bucket of water over my spiraling thoughts, and my resolve strengthens that I am only here for Dagen and to take a look around.

“Daddy, can I show Mi-Cami the barn?” Dagen bounces in her seat with excitement.

“Why don’t we both show her around. We can take the truck. I’m afraid the quad only holds two.” He motions to the ATV sitting on the other side of the large fenced area.

“I don’t mind walking. I’d hate for you to go through too much trouble,” I tell him and stand to my feet.

“The truck is no problem. Plus, it’s mighty hot out and we’ll want to save ourselves for when we go inside the barn. The heat and the smell make it awful ripe.” He smiles and winks.

I prop my hands on my hips and dip my head to one side. “Vaughan Michael McCallan. Are you implying that I can’t handle a little heat and animal smell?”

A lopsided grin ticks up his cheek and the glint in his eyes sends a flutter racing through my body. “Just sayin’, it’s been a while since you’ve been in the middle of the Texas heat and humidity, Camille Elise Villa-Stevens,” he quickly corrects. “Add in some hay and…horse shit –pardon my language– and you’ve got one helluva stench.”

“Well I’m not sure if you’ve ever visited the Carolinas, but it gets pretty hot there as well. I’m not so city-fied that I can’t handle a little taste of the country,” I remind him.

He nods and holds his hand out for Dagen and lifts her from her seat. “Alrighty, then. Let’s go.”

Vaughan leads us through a side gate and to a large garage that houses what are obviously big boy toys.

He flips a switch and lights flicker as they come to life. I look around the enormous space –that must have been added on when he purchased the ranch– and let my gaze wander around.

In it sits his large truck that I walked Dagen to Friday night. Next to that a sleek, matte black motorcycle leans on its kickstand. He grabs a set of keys that are hanging on a hook on the wall and escorts me and Dagen over to the passenger side. When I see what is parked that I didn’t notice before, I freeze, my mouth hanging open with my jaw practically smacking the floor.

My breathing hitches and my eyes can’t believe what they are seeing. I’m in shock over the sight in front of me, and words seem too difficult to form. I look over the shiny surface in awe and I just want to run over and hug the damn thing like a long lost friend.

“Is that…?” I fumble.

“A nineteen sixty-seven Camaro SS. Red with black racing stripes, black interior and V8 engine, staggered wheels and manual shift,” Vaughan confirms.

I’m practically drooling over this beauty. My dream car. The one I talked about –annoyingly so– to anyone who would listen.

The obsession started when Vaughan took me to a car show our sophomore year in high school. He was dying to check out a fully restored vintage Dodge truck he’d heard about. We wandered through aisle after aisle of old cars and trucks until I stopped dead in my tracks in front of a car that looked just like the one sitting here, today.

After that day, Vaughan swore to me that he’d buy me that car one day. That and a ranch where we would raise horses and cows and chickens and a boatload of kids.

I’d say he was pretty successful in fulfilling the car and ranch part of the equation. The only things missing are more kids and me.

“Isn’t it such a cool car, Cami? Dad said it might be mine one day. But that’s not for a looong time since he says it priceless and was originally meant for someone else. I dunno who, but I’m guessing they didn’t want it anymore. So…that means it’s mine,” she said proudly, pushing back her shoulders and puffing her chest.

My eyes connect with Vaughan’s and he looks timid, his face flushing with nervousness over Dagen’s little confession knowing this is the exact car he promised me. He swallows and drops his gaze to the concrete floor.

“It’s really cool, Dagen. I hope you get your wish and get to drive this beauty.” She gives a toothy smile and hops on the balls of her feet.

Vaughan loudly clears his voice and walks to the passenger door and opens it. “You ready?” He asks.

I nod and shuffle past him, our bodies so close I can feel the heat radiating off of him. I climb up into the beastly truck and he pauses at the open door. He opens his mouth to say something but instead, he shakes his head with a few quick jerks and closes the door.

“Daddy let me name some of the horses, so I’ll show you those ones.” Dagen pulls on my hand and drags me behind her through the barn until we reach the end. “This one is Snickers,” she says, pointing to a milky brown horse with a silky black mane.

I hold my hand out slowly and let the horse come to me. He moves his head, letting my hand settle on his muzzle. I gently rub him from nose to ears and his ears twitch in delight.

“This one is Thunder Prince ‘cause he acts like he’s royalty and has the loudest gallop.” We approach the stall of a dapple grey horse that shakes his head up and down in excitement.

“He’s a little wild so I’d be careful with that one,” Vaughan says from behind me.

I look at him over my shoulder to find him standing with his hands shoved in his pockets, making his jeans seem tighter. My gaze flickers to his waistband but before I let them drift further down, I quickly lift them to meet his eyes again and see him focused on my lips.

Lord, it seems like the heater is on in this damn barn.

We walk down the middle of the barn as Dagen points to each horse varying in shades from dusty yellow to chestnut brown, and rattles off everyone of their names. I can tell which ones she has named since they’re named after candy.

Along with Snickers –whose full name is Snickers Champion– there’s BabyRuth the Brave and MilkyWay. We stop at one stall that has me gasping.

“This is the most beautiful of all our horses. This girl is Lady Arabella Sunshine.”

I step closely to the Golden Palomino who watches me cautiously. I look into her brilliant brown eyes framed with the thickest eyelashes I’ve seen on a horse. Her creamy mane has me itching to braid it like I used to do with the Talbert’s old Appaloosa.

“Hey sweet girl,” I whisper as I step closer to her.

She sighs and drops her head, allowing me to stroke her. Her silky coat dazzles even under the low light. She nudges my hand to keep petting her and moves closer to me. This large animal, powerful and strong, seems so gentle and at ease standing here next to me.

“She really is a lady, isn’t she?” I ask.

I feel the temperature at my back increase and smell the scent that can only be described as a hard-working man.

“I named her. She reminded me of another graceful creature. Sunshine just seemed fitting.” Vaughan says so close to my ears, his breath tickles my sensitive skin.

My breath stutters recalling how he used to always call me his sunshine. Memories of days spent riding horses to the creek and laying in the tall grass flood. My body tingles thinking about the things we used to do under the shade of the big trees. I shiver when I feel the ghosting of a finger down my arm.

I clear my throat and take a step to the side and out of reach of Vaughan. “She’s very beautiful,” I tell Dagen.

“You wanna ride her?” She asks. Her hands are clenched together and her eyes plead with me to say yes.

“I didn’t exactly come dressed to ride.” I motion down my body, bringing focus to my bare legs that stick out from beneath my distressed denim shorts, down to my sandaled feet.

I wasn’t prepared to sit on the back of a horse as I planned to simply take a look at them after checking in with Dagen. And yes, I know it’s a long drive for just a quick pop-in but what else was I going to do today? Sit around waiting for the dust to settle so I could wipe it away again?

“Ooo. We have some chaps you can borrow and there’s always spare shoes and boots laying around. I bet we could find some that fit ya.”

“Day,” Vaughan warns. “Cami may have other places to be.”

I give them both a tight smile. If they only knew that I never have anywhere to be. No one to go home to. No one waiting with anticipation to welcome me back.

Dagen’s face falls and once again, I feel inclined to make this sweet girl smile.

“Hey. How about I come another day when you don’t have campers. I bet your dad and uncle are quite busy with all those kids.” She agrees with a shake of her head. Crouching down until I’m eye level with her, I tell her, “I promise. I’ll talk to your dad right now and we’ll decide on a day. We can spend an entire day riding and you can show me all of the other fun stuff you do here. Yeah?”

This time I get an enthusiastic shake of her head and a giant smile. I pull her into my arms and close my eyes, hoping that my visit today and promise of more time together brightens her day. She whispers a choked “thank you” and it seals my fate.

Despite what I feel about her father, this little girl has stolen my heart in two short meetings, and I’ll do whatever I can to make her smile.

“Are you ladies thirsty?” Vaughan asks, causing us to break our connection.

When I look up at him, his eyes are clouded with moisture and he blinks rapidly. He looks away and I pretend I didn’t notice that he was on the verge of tears.

“I am parched. You may be right about this Texas heat. I don’t remember it being so hot.”

Vaughan smirks and drawls, “Told ya you forgot how hot it gets here.”

I purse my lips and roll my eyes and grab Dagen’s hand. “C’mon. I need a big glass of sweet tea. You do have sweet tea, right?” I ask, looking at Vaughan. “I mean…it’s kinda required in the south.”

“We got sweet tea. Did you forget whose son I am? Mom would paint my back porch red if I didn’t have some to offer my guests. Let’s go.” He wraps his arm around my shoulders and I stiffen. He realizes what he’s done and immediately drops his arm.

He mumbles a quick “sorry” and I follow him out of the barn and to his truck with Dagen still clinging to me like I’m her rescue float.

Why’d you have to go and pick up that phone, Camille?

I just couldn’t leave well enough alone. Today is going to come back to bite me in the butt.

Twenty-Two

VAUGHAN

W e wave to Cami once more as she drives off down the gravel road. After we came back to the house and settled in the kitchen with our glasses of ice cold sweet tea, Cami and I discussed some days that she could come back out to ride with Day.

I told her that Dagen would be gone this weekend with my parents who were taking her to an amusement park in San Antonio. Dagen begged me to call mom to cancel, but I gave her a firm no since my parents had already booked the room and purchased tickets. So, we decided that Cami would come up the following Saturday. And even though Day pouted –crossed arms and frowny face included– she was seriously excited about it.

“You made her day,” I whispered in her ear when I hugged her lightly. “And mine.” She gave me a small smile and gave Day the kind of hug I’ve been longing for.

In due time, I told myself.

After seeing how she looked at me and feeling the spark that ignited between us with every small touch, I just know it’s a matter of time until I have her back in my arms again.

Returning to the house, I breathe a sigh when the cool air hits my face. “I need a shower, baby bird. Then we’ll figure out dinner.”

“M’kay,” she said, totally disconnected after seeing Cami off.

I plant my foot on the first step when Dagen says, “daddy?”

“Yeah, baby bird?”

She rolls her eyes at my use of her nickname that I refuse to stop calling her. “Do you like Cami?”

I look down at my foot still resting on the hardwood step before turning around to face her.

“I do,” I tell her, honestly. “She was a great friend at one time in my life and I’m hoping we will be, again.”

She chews on her lip, studying me. Her lips twist to one side and her nose scrunches in deep thought.

“Yeah, but I mean like her like her. You know. Like the way a boy likes a girl when he wants to be her boyfriend.”

I choke and my eyes bulge hearing my daughter talk about boyfriends and girlfriends.

“And what do you know about boys liking girls in that way?”

“Daaad. I’m almost twelve. I know about boyfriends and girlfriends.” She walks into the den and plops down on the pillowy leather couch.

“What exactly do you know about?” I follow her and sit down, telling myself to remain calm no matter what she says next.

She shrugs before giving me a little more detail. “Just that when a boy makes googly eyes at a girl, that means he likes her and doesn’t want other boys to like her. So, he makes her his girlfriend and they, like, hang out and stuff.”

“Googly eyes?” I cross my eyes and reach out to tickle her sides. “Like this?” I ask and she wiggles while laughing uncontrollably.

“No,” her voice chuckles. “Not like that. Like…I dunno. I can’t explain it.” I release her and she pants, trying to catch her breath.

“What kind of stuff do kids do when they ‘hang out’?” Please don’t say kiss. Please don’t say kiss.

She does the whole lip twist and nose scrunch thing again. “Like, play video games and go fishin’ at the creek and maybe eat lunch at school together.”

Okay. Not too bad. Except for the eating lunch together which usually means holding hands and…oh God. I’m not ready for this.

“Just those things? Nothing else?”

“I dunno. It’s not like I’ve ever had a boyfriend, but Cate has and she said that’s what she and Raul do.” Phew. Thank the Lord.

“Well I don’t want to hear about you having a boyfriend until you’re…fifty.”

“Daaad.”

I smile and place a kiss on her forehead. “Alright. We’ll revisit this discussion when you’re eighteen.”

She sighs and sags further into the couch. “So, is that how you like Cami? Like a boyfriend likes a girlfriend?”

Well shit. I thought she forgot about how this conversation started.

“Uuuh, I don’t–”

“‘Cause Uncle Hayes she used to be your girlfriend before mommy and that he thinks you want her to be your girlfriend again.”

I’m gonna strangle Hayes.

“I…she…I….,” I have no idea what to say that doesn’t involve me spilling my guts that I’m still madly in love with Camille. Always have been and always will be.

“It’s okay if you want her to be your girlfriend,” she says, softly. “I like her. Plus, mommy has been in heaven for a long time. I think she’d be okay if you got a girlfriend. Gran says you deserve to be happy.”

I see her eyes shine with tears and force back the lump rising in my throat. Her lips tremble and I scoop her up, sitting her on my lap and hugging her tight.

“Baby bird. I am happy. You make me the happiest guy around. You’re the best daughter and if all I ever have is you, I won’t be sad about that.”

A small tear trickles from the corner of her eye and I feel the stinging in my nose that comes as a result.

“Yeah but,” she rubs at her cheek and swipes the tear away. “Aren’t you lonely? Gran has Pops. Uncle Hayes says one day he’ll find his dream girl. He’s just waiting for her to come to her senses, whatever that means. Don’t you want a girlfriend, too? So you’re not lonely?”

I blow out a big breath and rest my head on top of hers. How do I explain that the one woman I want in my life, the only woman I want, is the same one who broke up with me and never gave me a second thought after what her mother did? The same woman her mother hated and blamed as the very reason why I never wanted to make our marriage work.

Steph wasn’t wrong about that. I never even tried to pretend that I was happy in our marriage. She knew I married her as an obligation. The kind a man commits to when he’s faced with doing the right thing. Well, that and the threats from her parents helped me make my decision.

But had Cami still been in my life, I would have never let her guilt me into marrying her. Steph was a wonderful mother, but I could never get over how Dagen was conceived and therefore never able to forgive her and give us a real shot. I didn’t let her be a good wife no matter how hard she tried. I just wasn’t willing to let her into my heart.

I was just biding my time until Dagen was old enough that she wouldn’t hate me when I finally got the nerve to end our marriage. When that would’ve been, I can’t say. But I can say that I would have walked through fire and brimstone if Cami said she wanted me back. And I’d be lying if I say that I wouldn’t have spilled every last dirty secret of Steph’s to be free.

Does that make me a horrible man? I’d like to think not when faced with the facts of our farce of a relationship. If I could get Cami to hear what really happened, I think she’d agree and maybe forgive me for something I never really did.

“I mean, I guess I’m a little lonely sometimes. But that doesn’t really matter. My job is to be your dad and do everything I can to make you happy and raise you to be the kindest, most loving and successful adult.”

“But sometimes I wish…” Her words trail off and I see more tears racing down her cheeks.

“You wish what, Day? You can tell me.” I lift her face to mine, cupping her jaw and wiping away the tears that fall.

With trembling lips, she raises her shoulders to her ears and lets them fall in a dramatic expression. “I kinda wish I had a mom, again. Not like to replace mommy or anything. Just, you know, like a bonus mom. That’s what Gran said she would be.”

I rub my forehead and tell myself I’m going to have a little conversation with my mother and brother about the things that are appropriate to tell my young, impressionable daughter.

“You’re the best daddy, but you don’t know about girl stuff. Like how to do my hair or put on make-up–”

“What do you need make-up for?” I snap.

“Not now, dad. But when I’m a teenager I’ll wear it. And I don’t think you’d wanna get pedicures and manicures and stuff like that with me.”

“Gran would. And if it mattered that much to you, I’d do it.”

“I know. And Gran has. Even Uncle Hayes went with me once, and he got his nails done, too.” Oh, I am so giving my brother shit for that. “But sometimes…it’s not the same.”

“Well excuse me for sayin’, but I think Uncle Hayes would make a pretty ugly mom.” She giggles and gives me that smile that melts my heart. “I understand what you’re saying, and I wish –more than anything– that your mom was still here to give you those things. I will happily fill any shoes for anything you want. Pedicures, dress shopping, talking about…boys, even though it’ll probably kill me.”

“Thanks, daddy.” She wraps her little arms around me and I close my eyes and pray that I can be all of that and more for her. “Was Cami your girlfriend?”

Oh Jesus. She is like a dog with a bone. There’s no getting out of it, I’m afraid.

With a defeated sigh I lay out the truth. “She was. Camille was my girlfriend all through high school.”

“And you broke up?”

“Yup. We went to different colleges in different states and it was just…difficult.” Difficult to get her to listen to me.

“And then you met mommy and fell in love,” she says dreamily.

I clench my jaw and try to soften my suddenly rigid body. “Mhm,” is the best I can manage.

She gasps loudly and pulls away from me. “You should ask Cami out on a date! Her husband died like mommy, right?”

“How do you–”

“Gran told me after we saw her at the art festival. Gran cried a little and when I asked her why she said it was because that nice young woman lost her husband and she felt sad for her.”

I give a slow nod of my head and wonder how in the hell mom knew that when I had no idea she had even gotten married. I mean, I’m not an idiot to think a woman like her wouldn’t have men lining up to ask for her hand. It was more of wishful thinking on my part.

“Yeah. She did,” I say, solemnly.

“Well. Then you should ask her out. It’s perfect! She used to be your girlfriend and you must still really like her ‘cause you have a picture of you guys on the shelf, and that picture in your wallet and the photo album on your computer. And–”

“Dagen Rayne. How do you know about my wallet and computer? What are you doing sneaking onto my computer, anywho?” A bead of sweat forms at my hairline thinking about the pictures she possibly came across.

While most of the pictures I have saved are fairly innocent, there are quite a few NSFW photos that only Cam and I know about. We were young and on nights we were missing each other, especially when we were in college and separated by hundreds of miles, we may have sent some rather explicit photos to each other. Plus, there may be one or two of us in bed together with only the important bits covered.

“I…I’m sorry daddy. I saw the picture in your wallet when I was looking for money one time. But I put it right back.” She holds her hands up and widens her eyes.

“And my computer?”

Her face pales and I know I’m not going to like what she has to say.

“I was missing mommy one day and wanted to find pictures of me and her. I knew that you downloaded pictures from your phone to the computer ‘cause I saw you do it once. I got on your computer and clicked on a few folders and saw the one with Cami’s picture. I only saw two photos. I swear, daddy. But why did you name the folder Sunshine?”

My heart plummets for two reasons. The fact that she missed seeing pictures of her mother so much that she had to go in search of some, and why I labeled Cam’s pictures under the name sunshine. She knows I named Lady Arabella Sunshine but I guess she hasn’t connected the dots on that one.

I wonder if Camille did?

“Sweetie. If you want more pictures of your mom, just ask me. I’ll make you an entire album of pictures of the two of you. Okay?” I tell her hoping she’ll forget about the fact that I skipped right over the sunshine part of her question.

“I’d really like that, daddy.” With another hug and a kiss to her head I release her and she flattens me with the sweetest smile.

“I’m hungry. How does pizza and a movie sound?”

She hops off my lap and throws both hands in the air. “Yes! Can I pick the movie?”

“Whatever you want, baby bird.”

I don’t care if I watch a marathon of princess movies. The joy on her face is totally worth the headache that those songs will undoubtedly bring on.

Twenty-Three

CAMILLE

I  stand in front of my mirror Saturday morning trying on outfits like it’s a first date.

It’s just horseback riding…with an eleven year old. Is what I try to convince myself it is, but who am I kidding. Vaughan and I both know this is more than just an innocent day with his daughter. Especially since he’ll be with us, despite Dagen’s protests.

I decide to go with a pair of distressed jeans that have a good stretch so I don’t end up busting the stitches once I hop on the horse. A cute loose white tank to hopefully disguise the gross amount of sweat that I’ll be dripping, the hat from my welcome home party and an old pair of well broken in cowboy boots –like I’d wear those glitzy ones the girls made me buy– and I’m ready to go.

Almost.

Concealer, mascara, a light blush across my cheeks and tinted chapstick and that’s all I plan to wear. It’s hot as Hades out today and anything more would be pointless as it would melt right off.

Hair straightened? Nah. The heat and humidity will just cause it to be a frizzy mess. Braids? Not really feeling the whole country bumpkin look today. Guess that means it’ll stay in its natural state of wild curls that have a mind of their own.

With one last look, I give myself the whole “it’s just horseback riding” talk again and leave to what may possibly be the worst mistake.

“Cami! You’re here!” Dagen shouts from the door when it springs open before I even get out of my car.

She hops down the two steps and rushes out across the lawn and slams straight into, wrapping her arms around my waist.

“Day. Give her a second before you smother her,” Vaughan calls out from the doorway.

“Hi sweet girl,” I tell her, paying no mind to Vaughan. Because I’m here for her. Not her father.

Not removing her from my hug, I reach one arm into my vehicle and grab my purse. I shut the door and the lock engages, and we stumble towards the door we’re in a three-legged race.

“I told dad that you should definitely ride Lady Arabella today. And I planned a picnic for us…well, daddy helped me. I’m still not allowed to use the stove. And Uncle Hayes cleared the archery targets for us. And we don’t have a pool but maybe we can jump in the creek. It’s so cool. I–”

“Dagen. Woah. Take a breath, baby bird.” Vaughan detaches her arms from around me and ends up brushing my quivering belly with his fingertips. “How ‘bout we start with a ride and then we’ll see what else Cami has time for.”

Dagen’s shoulders sag and she lowers her eyes. “Okay.”

“Tell you what,” I crouch down and focus solely on her. “Let’s get saddled up and we can ride down to the creek and have a picnic there. I don’t know if I’ll be jumping in it today since I didn’t bring anything I could wear. But everything else we can do. I have nowhere to be. I made sure to clear the entire day just for you.” I tap her nose and she smiles brightly.

“I’ll be right back. I need a rubber band and my hat,” Dagen calls out as she stomps hurriedly up the stairs.

I look at Vaughan who watches her race off and shakes his head. “That girl is gonna be the death of me,” he mutters.

I laugh, watching her disappear around the corner once she clears the last step.

“Hey Cam,” Vaughan turns to me. His voice is low and unintentionally seductive. As does his eyes that rakes down and up my body.

“Hi.” My voice shakes and I squeeze my hands together to stop them from trembling under his gaze.

“Thanks for coming today. She hasn’t stopped talkin’ about you since you were here last. I’m pretty sure every camper we’ve had since then has heard all about her new best friend.”

“I’ve been looking forward to it. I haven’t been riding in quite some time. Hope I still remember,” I joke.

“Your body will know what to do. Once you’re saddled in, it will take over remembering how it felt the last time you did it.” His words seem innocent enough but the double entendre hits me square in the gut.

“Yeah. I’m sure,” I rasp.

We stare at each other, the silence covering us like a thick fog.

“Cam, I—“

“I’m ready!” Dagen shouts as she bounds down the steps making such loud noises I didn’t think possible from a small child.

I plaster on a smile, ignoring his downcast eyes and the way his chest slumps.

“Let’s do this,” I slap my hands together and follow behind Dagen with Vaughan close behind me.

I pray for someone to cut me a break and help me through this day.

“Y’all wanna pick up some speed?” Vaughan is trailing right behind Dagen and I as we mosey through the trail at a very leisurely pace.

“We can’t race, dad. Cami is still rememberin’ and it wouldn’t be fair.” Dagen flings the braids that I put in her hair over her shoulders.

She was fumbling with a low ponytail that made the back of her neck hot and sticky. And since Vaughan’s skills end with a ponytail and the simplest of braids, I offered to French braid it for her.

You would’ve thought I told her I’d gotten us backstage passes to meet her favorite band with how excited she got. After her hair was braided tight, Vaughan told me she hadn’t really had anyone to do something like for her since her mother passed. His mom had two boys and never mastered young girls hairstyles.

Hearing that warmed me with delight that once again, I made her day just a little better.

“You think I can’t keep up with y’all?” I ask her, feigning wounded.

“You best be careful what you say, Day. Cami used to kick my a-behind everytime we raced.”

Dagen spins her head so fast, her braids smack her in the face like a whip. But she doesn’t even flinch.

“Y’all used to race?”

I nod. “Mhm. At this very ranch. We used to work the summers here when it was Talbert Ranch, and Mr. and Mrs. Talbert let us ride whenever we wanted. And yes…I beat your dad every time.” I throw him a smirk over my shoulder catching one of his own.

“That’s because I let you win.” This time it’s my turn to whip my head.

“Oh really?” I straighten my spine and adjust my seat in the saddle, gripping the rein in my fist and readying myself to teach him a lesson. “Well then. How about a little race. First one to the creek…to the creek, uuh—“

“First one to the creek picks tonight’s movie. And the last one,” Dagen’s smile turns devious and I don’t even want to think about what words will fall from her mouth next. “Has to jump into the creek with aaaalll their clothes on.”

“No way, Day,” Vaughan protests.

“Scared of losing?” I ask him.

“Nope. Scared you’ll lose and be stuck in soggy clothes for the rest of the day.” He arches a brow waiting for my comeback.

“Oh, it’s on.” I turn to face Dagen and say proudly, “I’ll take that challenge and raise you. Winner gets movie and dinner and the winner's trophy.”

Vaughan laughs remembering the cheap plastic trophy he bought me once that got passed around between our group of friends. We never got it for something as innocent as winning a race. Well…a race that didn’t involve alcohol. But I’m pretty sure Vaughan was the last one to win it, the night before he went away to Florida.

“I’ve got it packed away somewhere. I think it’d look mighty fine on our mantle. What’dya say, Dagen?”

“Yes! Yes yes yes! I’mma beat the pants off both of you. Do I get a head start?”

“Hell no! You’re just as fast as me. No headstarts, no concessions. A clean race to the finish.”

“Okay. I’m ready,” she replies and he looks at me.

I tip my hat and tell him, “ready when you are, cowboy.”

He moves next to me so that our horses all stand even and steadies Thunder Prince.

“On the count of three.” We pass smiles between each other and tighten our grips on reins. “One…two…three!” He shouts and I take off like a rocket, leaving Vaughan in my dust.

“H-how did she beat us?” I pant, trying to catch my breath and feeling like I sprinted for a mile.

Vaughan rests his hands on his hips while still seated on TP, as I’ve decided to call him because Thunder Prince is just too many syllables.

“I have no idea. I knew she was fast but not that fast,” he says, sounding just as winded as me.

“Yes yes YES! I won!” Dagen dances atop Snickers. “Tonight, we’re watchin’ Encanto and eatin’ fried chicken. And you guys have to jump in the creek.”

“Oh God. Not that movie again,” Vaughan groans when I ask, “Both of us have to jump in the creek?”

“Yes and yes,” she answers and turns Snickers around and trots back to us. “Encanto is my favorite movie–”

“For now,” Vaughan mumbles.

“And you tied. So that means you both have to jump.”

I study her with a skeptical eye. “Are you sure? I think I beat your dad by a couple of seconds.”

“Oh no you don’t, Sunshine. We were neck and neck. It was a dead tie.” Vaughan guides his horse over to a fallen tree and hops down, lightly looping the reins through the toppled branches. “C’mon sweetheart. A bet’s a bet.” He holds out his hand and waves me over.

I roll my eyes and really start to regret agreeing to come today. And then I think about the fact that I’m wearing a white tank top with a sheer nude bra underneath, and there is a one hundred percent chance that my nipples will be making an appearance the second I pull myself out of that cold water.

Lady Arabella gracefully meanders over to Vaughan and comes to a stop right next to TP. Vaughan takes the reins from me and does the same with them as he did TP’s. Then he circles around to my right and lifts his hand to mine. I take it, reluctantly, and whip my leg over the horn of the saddle and slide down.

Vaughan wraps his hands around my waist and guides me down until I’m safely on my feet. My breath hitches and his pupils dilate as we stand too close for too long.

“C’mon you two. Time to jump.” Dagen is still trotting her horse in circles and all along the creek.

Vaughan drops his voice low, still holding on to my waist and standing so close I can feel his breath on my face. “Guess we better get this over with.”

“I guess so,” I breathe out.

I follow him to the edge of the creek and reach inside my back pocket and pull out my phone. I lift my hat from my head, stick my phone inside, and gently place it down on the grass. Vaughan does the same then toes off his boots.

“I don’t want blisters,” he says when I watch him.

“Right. Smart.” I bend over and tug on my boots then place my socks inside.

I take a deep breath and step to the very edge. The jump isn’t high and I know the creek isn’t very deep. The water is pretty calm but I know for a fact that the water is as cold as a witches tit.

“Dad!” Dagen shouts and we turn our heads to look at her. “Can I record it on your phone?”

“Sure. Why the hell not,” he huffs and throws his hands in the air. “Might as well have video evidence so you don’t have to explain it to Hayes. You’ll just show him.”

“Okay. I’m ready. Jump!” She encourages us.

“Sorry about this.” Vaughan wraps his hand around mine and squeezes it.

I shrug and hold tight to his hand. “I knew what I was getting myself into. I just didn't think I was gonna lose.”

We laugh softly then edge just a little closer until our toes are hanging off. We look at each other, the moment feeling like the world has quieted around us.

A light, warm breeze blows and an errant curl sticks to my eyelashes. Vaughan reaches out and pulls on it gently, then tucks it behind my ear. His finger caresses the shell of my ear and a shiver rolls up my spine. Our eyes flit between each other as the silence stretches on. My body trembles with nerves. Whether it’s from the anticipation of the jump or from the look Vaughan is giving me, I can’t say.

Just when I think the moment will never end, my arm is tugged and I’m flying through the air. A scream is pulled from my lungs and I close my eyes just as my toes breach the water.

Vaughan’s grip tightens on mine and we plunge into the frigid creek. We sink, the force pulling us down, until Vaughan begins kicking his legs. I do the same and we fight against the current. Our heads pop up and we gasp for air. On instinct, my hands find his shoulders for balance and he wraps his arms around my waist. We wipe our hands over our faces, clearing the water away. Laughter spills from our mouths and I blink my eyes open.

Vaughan’s golden brown hair is darker and slicked back away from his forehead. The sunlight beams down on us, making his eyes look like jewels as the water reflects off of them. I feel his fingertips dig into my sides and he tugs me closer. My breasts press against his chest and my sensitive hardened nipples tingle with electricity.

I loop my arms around his neck and let my body relax against his. Time moves in slow motion as our heads draw closer to each other. Our breath mingles and our eyes lock. Our lips are inches away from pressing against the other. My eyes flutter closed and–

“That was so awesome! I’m gonna send this video to Uncle Hayes and Gran and Pop.” Dagen’s excited shouts has me catapulting off of Vaughan and scurrying to a shallow spot where I climb out and quickly ring out my hair.

My heart beats so rapidly I’m in fear that it’ll just give up all together. I chide myself being blinded by the moment and forgetting who we are. Who Vaughan is. The connection between us is still there, but I refuse to let myself get carried away by the memories.

I have to stay strong and not let Vaughan McCallan work his way back into my heart and into my life.

Twenty-Four

CAMILLE

A fter our losing dip into the creek, and after I’ve come to my senses, the three of us picnic on the bank and dry off before getting back on our horses and making our way towards the barn.

Dagen pleads with me to try archery so, after we’ve brushed the horses and fed them, I let her show me how to point and shoot. It’s yet another activity that she beats me at, but the fun we have is well worth the shame of losing to an eleven year old.

The sun begins to set and we decide it’s time to eat dinner. Dagen had insisted on fried chicken and Vaughan was left scratching his head as to where he could order that from and have it delivered.

“I’ll make it,” I tell them.

Vaughan looks at me with his phone that he was searching through suspended in air. “No ma’am. You’re our guest. I can’t have you cookin’ when we should be doin’ that for you. You know mom would skin me if she ever found out.”

I laugh him off and walk into the kitchen. “It’s not a big deal. I usually just cook for one, so this will be a nice change. Do you have everything I’d need?”

“Cam…seriously. You don’t have to do that. Day can just pick something else out.” Vaughan tries to stop and places his hand on my wrist. The connection makes my pulse jump and I have little doubt that he doesn’t feel what his touch has done to me.

I stare where his warm, calloused fingers wrap around me, making my wrist look so fragile in his big hand. My mind begins to wander, thinking back to all of those times his hands traced every line, every curve of my body.

My nipples tighten at the thought and I start to rethink my presence here and the decision to make a meal for him and his daughter in his home and in his kitchen.

“Please,” I barely choke out above a whisper. “Let me do this. For Dagen.” The mention of her name earns me a warm smile and he drops my wrist.

He leads me to the large refrigerator when he begins opening doors and drawers.

“Briley has this stocked every week, so I know there’s chicken in her somewhere.” He pushes aside bowls and fruit that are neatly stacked. “Aha. Here we go.” He pulls out a large storage bag with chicken breasts. “Will this do?”

“Yeah. I can make fried chicken strips. Is that okay, Dagen?” I call out to her as she sits in the den, scrolling through movies to find the one she wants.

“Absolutely!” She hollers, not bothering to take her eyes off the screen.

“Okay,” I tell him and pull my hair back with the rubber band around my wrist. “Show me to your pantry, pots and pans, and let me do my thing.”

“That was out of this world, Cam. Thanks.” Vaughan wipes the remnants of mashed potatoes and gravy from the corner of his mouth and drops his napkin to his plate.

His pantry, much like his fridge, was fully stocked with everything I needed to make a classic southern dinner. Fried chicken, taters and gravy, and green bean casserole. The way they inhaled it would lead one to believe they’ve never tasted anything like it in their life. But I knew better knowing his mom is a fabulous cook. She even taught me a few recipes that, along with everything my own mom taught me, I still use.

“Yeah, Cami. It was sooo good.” Dagen copies her dad and leans back in her chair. “Don’t tell Gran, but your green bean casserole is better.”

Vaughan winces and closes one eye, peeking at me with the other. “I have to agree with Day. Please don’t tell my mom. She’ll never feed us again and my cooking skills are extremely limited.”

“He tells the truth, Cami,” Dagen says with all seriousness, making me chuckle.

“Well you’re very welcome. And I won’t breathe a word to Max.” I look at the two of them, sitting side by side, their hands resting on their full bellies and matching grins. I shake my head and grab my plate along with Dagen’s and Vaughan.

“What was that shake for?” he asks, taking the dishes out of my hands and ordering me to sit. “Dagen. Dish duty.” She follows with only a little protest.

“I was just amazed at how alike you two are.” He halts and looks at me over his shoulder.

“How so?”

I grab our glasses and follow him into the kitchen and drop them in the sink. “You both sat back with matching smiles and hands on your bellies. Other than the dark hair, she looks and acts just like you.”

The smirk he gives me is the slightest bit sheepish. He pulls open the dishwasher and begins stacking the plates while I take the utensils.

“Yeah. She is a lot like me. Guess that’s what happens when you spend morning, noon and night with your only parent.” His shoulders lift and drop and a pang of sadness hits me.

My curiosity is itching to know what happened to her mom, but I don’t know if I can handle hearing him talk about her with any type of affection or sorrow. Not only would it bring a flood of emotions about Robbie, but just seeing him talk about the woman who I lost him to might hurt too much.

We finish cleaning the kitchen in silence and we dance around each other with ease. Instinct of how we used to work together after family dinners like muscle memory. When the last dish is loaded and the counters and appliances are gleaming, I finally give in and ask what I’m dying to know.

“How did your wife die? If you don’t…” Vaughan spins around slowly and leans against the counter, his arms crossed over his chest and a blank look on his face. “I’m sorry. That was intrusive. You don’t have to tell me.”

I return to cleaning a spot that already shines, kicking myself for being so nosey when I have no place. I shouldn’t even care about his man, yet I put myself in harm's way, willingly volunteering to listen to something that could tear me apart.

Vaughan walks slowly to where I stand and places his hand on top of mine, stopping the furious circles that I make on the granite.

“Cam.” His voice is low and gravely, but I don’t dare look at him. I can’t. “Camille. Please look at me.”

The pleading in his voice has me lifting my chin and staring warily into his eyes. His face has softened and he seems vulnerable. Like whatever words he tells me will open scabbed wounds that he’s unsure to touch.

“There is so much I want to say to you. And if you stay once Day has gone to bed, I’d love nothing more than to tell you anything you want to know. Things you need to know.”

I don’t know if I want to know what he has to say. I didn’t listen twelve years ago, and despite being older, wiser and more mature, I still want to be petty and let the sting of betrayal fuel the fire that has begun to fade.

“Cami. I’m begging you, please give me the chance to tell you what really happened all those years ago. And the years following that.”

My body sags, my strength waning. My heart still sits in pieces inside my chest and I worry hearing him will only crush the fragments that remain.

“I…I ca–”

“Guys! I got the movie ready. Are ya comin’ or what?” Dagen pops her head over the counter and I take a giant step away from Vaughan. “And don’t forget popcorn,” she says then skips back to the couch where she flops back.

“Why don’t you go sit. I’ll make popcorn and grab some waters.” Vaughan twirls a piece of my hair around his finger and releases it, the curl coils and bounces. It’s something he used to do all the time.

“Okay,” is all I can manage to croak out.

I step around him and take my place next to Dagen who immediately cuddles into me. This sweet girl is starved for female affection and I’ll give her all I can. All that I can which hasn’t been broken or bruised by the men who seem to always leave me.

Almost two hours later, what has to be more than two dozen songs, and a few happily ever after’s, the end credits roll and I look to see Dagen fast asleep against my shoulder. Her mouth hangs open slightly, and her eyelids flutter as she dreams.

“Sorry ‘bout that.” Vaughan stands and scoops her in his arms, releasing a small grunt when he does so. “Boy, she’s gettin’ heavy. I’m gonna put her in bed. Will you stay?”

Instead of speaking, because my words will tell him the opposite, I nod and watch him walk up the stairs.

I gather the empty water bottles and popcorn bowls and put them in their respective recycling bin and dishwasher. Lights above the kitchen cabinets are dim and give a soft feel to the space. The lights are still off in the den, the only source of illumination coming from the tv screen.

My lips feel dry from all of the salt that I licked off my fingers, so I grab my purse and dig for my chapstick. I smooth it over my lips and feel immediate relief, then take my purse to the sofa and place it at my feet.

The soft padding of Vaughan’s socked feet sounds from behind me and I turn to watch him walk into the room.

He changed into athletic shorts and a plain white t-shirt when we returned to the house after our day in the sun. I didn’t have any other options in terms of attire, so I’m still here in my ripped jeans and white tank. Vaughan offered me a shirt of his and sweats, but I couldn’t let myself go there. The last time I wore his clothing was the last time we made love when I visited him in Florida. The image of me swathed in clothes that smell like him is more than I could handle.

Vaughan grabs the remote from the coffee table and flicks it off. The room is so silent, the sounds of the tree frogs singing outside can be heard loud and clear.

“Thanks for today, Cam. Dagen needed a day like this and I can’t tell you how much it means to me that you would take the time to make her feel special.”

I blink away the tears that threaten to fall and give him a choked, “you’re welcome.”

He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes, dropping his head back and facing the sky. When he looks at me again, his pupils are large and a sliver of green rings it.

“Can I tell you some things? I know you were unsure earlier, but if you just let me say what I have to say and you decide you want to walk out that door and never look back, I won’t fight you on it. But at least I know that if you leave, you’ll have the truth.”

It’s a big ask on his part, and I wonder if I even have the strength to hear him talk about his wife with endearment. I feel like I could talk to him about Robbie and he would not feel the same level of deception since he wasn’t the man I left him for.

But at the same time, I really want to just know all of the dirty details and hope that it resolves my decision to stay far away from the man who hurt me once and could eviscerate me a second time.

“I-I’ll listen,” I finally say.

He breathes a sigh of relief and the smallest hint of a smile flashes across his face before it disappears.

I shiver with apprehension and Vaughan takes it as I’m cold. He grabs a blanket from the large basket where they’re piled up, and drapes it over my shoulder.

I steel myself for what’s about to come and pray to God to give me strength to listen.

Twenty-Five

VAUGHAN

M y hands are clasped together and they’re clenched tightly together. Sweat begins to pool in my palms as it does at my hairline.

I’ve waited twelve years to tell Cami what really happened that night with Stephanie and now that I have the chance, I feel like I’ve swallowed a bag of glass. My throat hurts and I swallow, trying to clear it and get the words that have sat on the tip of my tongue for so long.

“I need you to know, first and foremost, that Stephanie was never a choice. I never wanted her, never even considered her. It was a horrible mistake that…that I’m sure you’ll understand once I tell you everything.” I take a deep breath and watch as the moisture starts to build in her eyes. Emotions are running high and I haven’t even gotten to the hard stuff.

“The first couple of weeks away from you were agonizing. I missed being able to see your face or hear your voice whenever I wanted, and it was affecting my game. Guys on the team were constantly trying to get me to come to parties with them, citing a team bonding excuse, but I wasn’t having it.”

“I remember,” she says softly. “You were in your room every Friday and Saturday night talking to me and I always felt guilty for keeping you from your teammates.”

“You had nothing to feel guilty about. Trust me. It wasn’t a hardship to tell them no and stay in my dorm just to talk to you.

“When you made that rule that we needed to take one night to go out and be with friends, I finally gave in to the guys and went to my first party. I hated it. Every minute. I immediately found a dark corner, grabbed a beer in each hand, and hid out until my ride told us it was time to go.

“One of those nights, I guess early September, I was pouting as I usually did in my corner. Guys and girls knew not to approach me. I had already earned the reputation of being a social piranha and no one wanted the attitude I hung around my neck like a weight.

“While I was sitting, happily by myself, this girl came over and sat down right next to me like she couldn’t understand the fuck off sign I had plastered on my forehead. She introduced herself, asked if I wanted to hang out and I told her to save her breath because I had a girlfriend and no interest in whatever she was offering.”

Cami’s eyes go wide with shock as she hears for the first time how much of an asshole I had turned into. It was something she never saw or experienced. I had no reason to be pissed at the world because I had everything I ever wanted. Good friends, supportive family, football and the girl of my dreams. That’s all I needed in life.

“She got offended and said she wasn’t looking for a marriage proposal. Just wanted to get away from all the guys who were hitting on her. She said she was uncomfortable and only came with her friends because they guilted her into it. I told her the same and she chit chatted while I made an occasional grunt. The party ended and we went our separate ways. I never gave her a second thought.

“The next couple of parties were exactly the same. I found a corner, Stephanie found me, and we talked. I talked about you constantly so it was nice that she listened and asked things about you. The guys were tired of hearing me whine about being so far from you, so I appreciated that Stephanie let me talk about you and didn’t push it any farther.

“One night, as I was telling her that I was considering quitting football and moving back home, she rubbed my arm and I flinched. I didn’t say anything but I gave her a look that told her I wasn’t cool with that. When we were walking out, she was being a little handsy, touching my arm and back and neck, and I told her to not touch me. She was offended but I didn’t give a shit. I didn’t want her hands on me. They didn’t belong there.”

Cami takes a stuttering breath and I rub the bridge of my nose. Blinking my eyes a couple of times, I calm myself so that I can get through the next part.

“The weekend after you left when you visited in October, I was feeling great. We won our game, I got to spend time with you and despite the fact that our team was doing well, I had made the decision that I would transfer my sophomore year to be close to you. I was planning to start talks with SMU and TCU and A&M to see if I could walk-on if they wouldn’t take on my scholarship.”

“Vaughan…you didn’t tell me.” Her voice is laced with hurt and boy do I regret not telling her before anyone else.

“I had planned to surprise you with the news when I came home for Thanksgiving.” Her face falls when I mention that horrible weekend. “The team was celebrating that night. We had shots, beers, and my spirits were high. I felt like nothing could get me down. Stephanie noticed the change in my mood and I told her what my plan was. When she heard I planned to leave, she threw her arms around me and begged me to stay.

“I kindly pushed her away, told her I appreciated that she’d miss me, but that I couldn’t wait to be near my girlfriend everyday. Even if separated by a couple of hours. She pouted when I pulled her hands off of me, but she knew how I felt about her touching me.

“The weekend before Thanksgiving break, there was a friendsgiving type get together at one of the guys’ houses. Remember I told you about that?” She answers me with a simple nod and I notice how she clenches her jaw tightly. “That night I remember having a couple of beers and a few shots. Nothing out of the norm and nothing that would drastically change my behavior. Stephanie had brought me the shots when people were passing them out and I really didn’t think anything of it.

“But as the night went on, I started to feel sick and woozy. I can’t explain it, but my body felt like it was moving in slow motion while my mind was racing. I remember laughing with a few of the guys, then I remember being carried to a car.

“The next morning I woke up feeling like my head had been slammed against a boulder. My stomach was so sick and I was seconds away from vomiting. I stumbled out of bed, not knowing how I ended up in just my boxers, and tried to walk to the bathroom. I couldn’t walk a straight line and I thought I was still just so drunk. Which I still didn’t understand how I had gotten to that state. I’ve never let myself get wasted to the point of blacking out.

“When I went to open the bathroom door I heard the toilet flush and jumped back. The next thing I knew, Stephanie was walking out wearing only my t-shirt. I saw her in a disheveled state and I bent in half, puking right there on the floor.

“I freaked out and started yelling at her to get out of my room. She tried to touch me, saying she was so happy I changed my mind about leaving and that she knew we’d be great together.”

I stop and see tears rolling over the apples of her cheeks and her chin tremble. I knew this part would be difficult for her. Hell, it was a living nightmare for me.

“I yelled and told her back the fuck off and called her names I’ve never said to another woman in my life. I asked her what happened because I couldn’t remember anything and she said, and I quote, ‘guess I gave you a little too much of that X. Didn’t mean to give you such a heavy dose.’”

I hear Cami gasp loudly. The tears are falling faster and she has one hand covering her mouth and one pressed to her chest. My throat worked over and over to swallow the thick emotion that was building. It was killing me to see her reaction, and I wanted nothing more than to pull her into my arms and never let her go.

When she reached out and took my hand in hers, I could no longer hold it back. The dam broke and I let twelve years of anger, sadness, frustration pour from my eyes.

“Vaughan,” her voice was hoarse when she spoke. “That’s…what she did, Vaughan. That was–”

“Yeah,” I choked. I couldn’t let her say the words. I’d never said them. The only person to ever put that word out into the world was my mother. Once she said it, I told her I never wanted to hear it again.

“Why didn’t you report it? Go to the police?”

“Who do you think they’d believe, Cam? A two-hundred pound, six foot two football player, or a hundred and thirty pound girl?” Her face falls and she adds her other hand to the one of mine she is still holding. “Things like that don’t happen to guys. Men are always seen as the aggressor. Besides, I had planned to talk to you about what happened and figure out what to do, together. But…” I trail off and let her fill in the blanks because she was there and doesn’t need me to remind her.

“Vaughan,” she cries and surprises me when she wraps her arms around my neck and presses her face on my shoulder. “I’m s-so sorry. I should’ve lis-tened to you. I’m. so-ory.”

Her sobs turn harder and her breathing hiccups. I tug her into me, one arm around her waist and the other holding the back of her head. My nose is buried in her hair and I breathe in a scent I thought I’d never smell again. The pain of reliving that horrible night feels like a knife to the heart. But having Cami in my arms again, breathing her in, is like the salve to an open wound.

“Shh. It’s okay, sunshine. Nothin’ to be sorry about.”

“Y-yes there is,” she stutters. I place a kiss on her head but don’t ease my grip on her. “If I’d have just listened, we wouldn’t have spent so many years apart and in pain.” Her body shakes as she continues to cry.

“Don’t say that, babe. I hate that it happened, but I have Dagen and I can’t complain about having such an amazing daughter. And you…you had a loving husband that you wouldn’t have had otherwise. The catalyst to it all was really…shitty, for lack of a better word. But two wonderful things came from such a dark place.”

“But Robbie left me, too. In the end, I have no one.” Her lips press tightly together but she can’t stop them from trembling with emotion. The tears that had begun to slow rush like violent streams down her face.

“Sunshine, you’re breaking my heart. Don’t say that. You’re never alone.” I whisper in her ear and smooth my hand over her hair.

“Who, Vaughan? Who do I have? Because you have a daughter who loves and worships you while I go home every night to an empty house. A cold bed and silent table is what I get for the rest of my life.”

Not if I have a say in it, I tell her in my head. But speaking the words out loud is too much right now. They’ll only scare her away.

“You’ll always have me, Camille. In whatever capacity you want. I’ll never let you feel alone.”

She pulls back just enough to look into my eyes. My thumbs swipe at the wet tracks on her face and I ache to feel her lips against mine.

She’s silent for a long moment before asking, “why’d you marry her, Vaughan?”

Twenty-Six

CAMILLE

W hy didn’t I listen all those years ago?

I could have saved us both so much heartache. I couldn’t see past my own anger long enough to just shut my mouth and open my ears.

I left him in the hands of a woman who raped him. And all this time I’ve been cursing his name trying to rid my heart of him. How can he stand to be touching me right now? He should be furious, not consoling me.

“Are you sure you want to hear more?” he asks, whispering in my ear.

“Only if you want to tell it.” I try to put some distance between us, wanting to give him some space, but he only pulls me closer until I’m cradled in his lap.

He nods once then kisses my temple. I close my eyes, remembering the way his lips felt against my hot skin. The way he used to soothe me and worship me. And my thoughts get lost on all the wasted time. I let my eyes roam Vaughan’s face and catalog every change that I’ve missed out on over the years.

There are lines on the corners of his eyes that only add to how handsome and rugged he is. The hair at his temples is bleached from all the time spent in the sun. His skin is a bit more weathered showing the signs of the hard work he does on the ranch. But his eyes…his eyes are the same seafoam green that they’ve always been. The boy I fell in love with when I was just fifteen years old is still here with me.

“I found out she was pregnant right before Christmas. It was just one more thing to add to the list of how deceitful she was. She purposely went without protection thinking she’d bag herself a future NFL player. She cared about nothing or no one but herself. I was sick to my stomach knowing that I’d be tied to her for the rest of my life.

“You were still refusing my calls and texts and my pleas with our friends went nowhere. When I heard the news that I was going to be a dad…I gave up. Figured the life I had dreamt of was over.”

I cup his jaw in my hands and rub my fingers over his stubble. This man who's been broken for so long is sitting here, flaying all his old wounds open just to heal me.

“Christmas came and went and by spring, Steph and her mom were planning a wedding that felt more like my funeral.”

“But I don’t understand. Why didn’t you fight her on it?”

“I did. Believe me, I did. But I had already lost you and I had so little left. When her parents started making threats that they’d take the baby away and I’d never see her, I folded. That baby was the only thing good in my life to live for. I knew I’d never be able to forgive Steph for what she did, but I couldn’t let that anger cloud my love for my child.”

My fingers comb through his hair and he closes his eyes and leans into my touch. “They threatened you?” I ask and he nods. “No wonder their daughter was such a horrible person. That’s what you get when despicable humans procreate.”

“I hated every minute of my life from that moment on. When I cried at the wedding, people thought it was because I was so in love. Steph knew better, though. She knew I was wishing it were you standing across from me. I could barely stomach dancing once with her before I parked myself at the bar and drank until I was passed out in bed.

“I designed all my days and nights to be the same. I could barely be in the same room with her. So I drank until I passed out and avoided touching her. I drank so much that I had to quit the team. It was either that or get kicked off.”

“Vaughan. I had no idea.”

He shrugs and says, “it’s okay. That was my life. If something didn’t go wrong then I knew it was a dream. The only miracle in that nightmare was Day. When she was born, I promised to be the best dad I could be for her. I let my walls come down a little at that point, but there was only room for Dagen. Stephanie resented me for it and every time I pushed her away, she used Dagen as a weapon to keep me tied to her. She knew I was still in love with you. I never hid that fact. Shit…I carried your picture around in my wallet until, well, I still do.”

I smile bashfully remembering how Dagen told me her daddy had a picture of me in his wallet on that first day we met.

“I was a prisoner in my own life. Steph got tired of my inability to be affectionate with her or give her even an ounce of attention. So she found that affection and attention with someone else. Actually, she found it with several someone else's. But when friends and co-workers began to talk about Stephanie and her affairs, I couldn’t take it anymore. I couldn’t walk around letting everyone think I was this clueless chump who let his wife step out on him. I filed for divorce…and then Stephanie found out she had an aggressive form of triple-negative breast cancer. She was gone five months later.”

I stiffen at his words and a whoosh of air forces its ways out of my lungs. I went from feeling like a weight had been lifted off my back at hearing what really happened to him, to feeling like someone was holding my head underwater.

Just moments ago I couldn’t have despised that woman more. Now I was biting back tears thinking of how she must have suffered in her last days. Taking in the last moments she would ever spend with her daughter and her husband, even if he insists their marriage was a farce.

My mouth falls open, trying to figure out the right words to say. I’m sorry is what one usually says at a moment such as this, but I’ve been in his shoes and that phrase is so superficial. I can tell him I’m sorry for his loss but it simply never cuts to the heart of the emotion one feels when they share a bond like we do.

“I hate that you had to go through that. And Dagen. I hope her last days were spent basking in the love you two shared.”

He looks at me, his face stone cold.

“There wasn’t love between us, Cam. I’m sad that she died and suffered. I hate that my daughter will never have those mother-daughter moments that were promised to her. I hate that a young life was taken so soon. That her parents still grieve the loss of their only child. But what we had was not love. It wasn’t even respect. It was a tolerance that we existed in for our daughter’s sake.”

This is a side of Vaughan I have never experienced before. He’s hard and emotionally out of reach. It’s a Vaughan I didn’t know existed.

“She ruined me, Cam. What she did can never be forgiven. People say you need to forgive those who have wronged you to move on and be free. But what she took from me isn’t forgivable. She took something that wasn’t hers, without my permission, and then she took my heart because I lost you.” His eyes search mine as they fill with tears again.

They’re tender from the amount of crying I’ve done this evening and I don’t know how I still have any left to shed. I thought I had spent them all when Robbie died. But this right here, seeing Vaughan like this, hearing his words, is enough to shatter my carefully built dam all over again.

I reach up to cup his jaw once more and my fingertips tingle at the connection. And like earlier at the creek, the world seems to slow and everything moves in slow motion. Except this time, there isn’t anyone to bring us back to reality.

And I don’t want there to be.

He leans in and touches my lips tenderly with his. It’s not a kiss but rather just a gentle prelude to what’s about to happen. I close my eyes and he runs his nose along my jaw and down my neck. He breathes me in as if I were his oxygen and he’s been without it for so long.

He tilts my head to the side and he kisses his way from my collarbone to my ear. He flicks my lobe with his tongue and a flurry of chills race across my body.

“I’ve missed you so much, my sunshine. My life has been so dark without you. Please say I can kiss you?” He nuzzles into my hair, his fingers caressing my hot flesh.

“Kiss me, Vaughan.” I rasp and in a flash, his mouth descends on mine and it’s as if the shattered pieces of my heart recognize the return of its other half. Like puzzle pieces clicking into place, my heart begins to mend.

His lips are so soft and the feel of his tongue on mine brings me back to those hot summer nights spent making out in the back seat of his truck. The kiss is firm yet tender. Just like I remember.

His hands move into my hair and his fingers tangle in my wild curls. I wrap my arms around his neck and my nails scrape the buzzed edges of his hair. He groans into my mouth and it’s a direct line to my nipples. They’re hardened to steel points and sensitive as they rub against the fabric of my shirt through my thin bra. All Vaughan would have to do to feel them would be to press his chest against mine.

He pulls back, nipping at then licking my lips. “I want to eat you alive, Camille. I’ve waited so long to have you in my arms again. I’ll do anything to keep you here.”

My hair remains gripped in his fist while he lets the other roam down my body. His fingertips trace the curve of my neck and down to my shoulder. He runs his hand over my breast, teasing the pebbled nipple. He cups me entirely in his hand and squeezes, pinching my nipple and pulling a breathy moan from my throat.

Twelve years of deprivation hit me like a freight train. All I can think about is ripping off his close and making up for lost time.

But then my mind flashes to Dagen and the fact that she’s asleep just above our heads.

I place my hands on his chest and slowly push away.

His eyes fly open and bounce between mine. “What? What’s wrong?” He says, panting.

“Dagen. We shouldn’t do this with her here.”

He dips his head and brings his mouth to the juncture of neck and collarbone. “She sleeps like the dead. It’s okay.” He sucks in the tender flesh and I hiss.

“Vaughan,” I plead but he doesn’t stop. “Vaughan. Wait.” My voice is harsher and it causes him to freeze. “I’m not saying I don’t want this to happen, I just…can you look at me, please?”

He carefully removes his mouth from my skin and lifts his head. His face is full of dread, thinking my next words will be parting ones.

I soften my features so he knows there’s nothing to be afraid of. “Everything you just shared with me, how you opened up all your old wounds…that means something to me. It fills the whole of ‘why’ that I’ve been asking myself all these years. And believe me, I have. More than I care to admit. I’m a fool for not listening back then. I’ll be damned if I act a fool, again. But now is not the time nor the place.”

His jaw clenches and he digs his fingers into my sides. “But what if you walk out that door and never come back? What if you decide you can’t forgive and forget?”

“It already has been. The real question is…can you forgive me?” A lump grows in my throat waiting for his reply.

“There’s never been anything for me to forgive. You’ve always had my heart, Camille. The day I walked out that door, I left it lying at your feet. Having you back here, in my arms, I can feel my body coming back to life. I’d die without you.”

His words hit close to home, choking me like black smoke. Because Robbie died when he had me. I was right there in the palm of his hand and he let me go.

I decide that what little is left of me will be Vaughan’s. I just hope he can handle my broken bits.

Twenty-Seven

VAUGHAN

“I  like that one, daddy.” Dagen sits on the edge of my bed as she watches me shuffle through my clothes like a sixteen year old girl.

I hold up the first green button up that she has picked. “I wouldn’t look too preppy? I’m a cowboy, after all.” I wink and she gives me the eye roll of a lifetime.

“Nobody says preppy anymore, dad. You just look…nice. I think Cami will like it, too.”

After last Saturday, Cam and I decided to take it slow and enjoy spending time together. I quickly asked her out on a date and she agreed with a smile.

Tonight, Dagen is staying here while my brother watches her —or rather, hangs out with her, as Day put it— and will crash in one of the guest rooms so that I don’t have to worry about rushing home.

We’re going to a new steakhouse out on the lake, and I wanted to surprise Cami with something other than my cowboy blues and boots. But now I’m starting to rethink it.

I wiggle around in my chinos and fidget with the thin belt. I turn to face the large mirror in the back of the closet and hold the shirt against my pants.

“That’ll make your eyes look really green and shiny. Definitely wear that.” I nod and pull it off the hanger and slide my arms in.

I button it up then move to tuck it in when Day barks loudly.

“Stop! Don’t tuck it in. That’ll make you look ‘preppy’,” she says, using quotes.

I laugh, thinking about how much my little girl has grown over the last year. She went from playdate and playing dress up to hanging out and talking about fashion.

I am not prepared for the years to come. Especially without a strong female to help guide her through the tough stuff.

“Like this,” I ask, doing a little spin and stopping to face her.

“Yes! Perfect. Omigosh. Cami is going to love it. I know it.”

I step out of the closet, grabbing my brown chukka boots as I go, and sit next to her on the bed.

“Are you sure this is okay with you? It’s not too…too much to handle?” I’ve talked to her this week and explained that I wanted to date Cami and that meant we would be spending time together. I also let her know that there would be plenty of opportunities for the three of us to be together which immediately made her jump with excitement.

Dagen turns to face me head on and places her hand on top of mine. With a seriousness I’ve only seen in an adult, she looks me straight in the eyes and says, “dad. I think it’s time for you to find a girlfriend. I can handle it. I’m almost twelve. Plus, I don’t want you sitting home alone when I go to sleepovers and parties.”

“Parties!” I choke out.

She nods and continues. “Mhm. There are going to be boy-girl parties and dances. So it’ll make me feel better to know you have someone to hang out with.”

I chuckle at how mature she sounds. She must’ve heard mom and dad talking like this. She’s never spoken like this before and it’s quite entertaining.

“We’ll talk later about the parties and dances. But for now, I’m happy that you’re okay with me dating Cami.”

She sits up on her knees and wraps her arms around my neck. “And I’m happy that you are, too. Love you, daddy.”

Emotion swims thick in my eyes and I blink back the tears. “I love you, too, baby bird.” We stay locked in place for a minute more before she releases me.

“Can me and Uncle Hayes order pizza?” Her ability to jump from one topic to another without batting an eyelash astonishes me.

“Sure thing. Let me put my shoes on then we’ll get it ordered and wait for Uncle H to get here.”

I start putting my shoes on, tying the laces of one when she pipes up, “Don’t wear socks. That’s what all the cool guys do.”

I look at her with one eyebrow jumping into my hairline. “Sorry, bird. I’ll leave my shirt untucked but I draw the line at stepping out without my socks on.” She shrugs and jumps off the bed and bounces her way downstairs.

Words of wisdom from an eleven year old.

I pull the Camaro into the circular driveway in front of Cami’s house and put it in park, leaving the engine running for a moment while I collect myself. I’ve waited for this day for far too long and now that it’s actually here, my nerves are wreaking havoc on my mind and body.

I close my eyes and breathe in for five and out for five. I tell myself that this is Cami. We’ve been on dates thousands of times, and then some. But that annoying little voice reminds me that I’ve never been on a date with grown up Cami. I’ve yet to experience a night with the woman of my dreams.

I remember seeing Cami for the first time in high school. I had always known who she was living in a small community, but she never crossed my radar. I was a thirteen year old punk who just wanted to play video games and football with his friends.

Then came the first pep rally of freshman year. The whole team was introduced and as we walked out onto the basketball court in the gymnasium through a cheerleader tunnel, there she was.

Camille Villalobos had matured quite a bit over the summer and that’s saying a lot since she was always beautiful. She smiled shyly at me as I passed her and it was right then I knew I had to have her.

After the assembly, players and cheerleaders stood around talking while the rest of the student body filed out. I kept my eyes glued to her. She laughed and talked animatedly with her friends. Her curly hair was in a high ponytail and it swung back and forth as she moved her head.

My heart did something weird in my chest and I had to rub it to make sure it was still in there.

I looked around the gym to find several pairs of eyes also staring at her. Some upperclassmen were eyeing her while talking. One of the juniors nudged the other and he dipped his chin, turning and walking in her direction.

In that moment, something took over my body and I pushed my way through the crowd to reach her before he did. While his stride was slow and confident, mine was fast and frantic.

I came to a skid right in front of her, her gorgeous whiskey eyes meeting mine. “Hey,” I croaked, trying desperately to keep my voice from breaking.

“Hey,” she said, biting her lip as her cheeks blushed. I looked over my shoulder to find the junior stop in his tracks still watching Cami. I gave him a cocky smile then asked her out.

That was it. From that moment on she was mine. Until I fucked up. But I won’t let her get away, this time.

It’s a fresh start with a woman I know inside and out.

It’ll be fine. I can do this. Like riding a horse.

I turn off the car and get out. Walking slowly to the front door, I roll out my shoulders before ringing the bell.

It’s quiet for a moment then I hear the lock releasing and the front door swings open. Cami stands in front of me and…oh shit. I think I’m having a heart attack.

My heart beats wildly at the sight of her and my breath catches.

“Hey handsome,” she purrs, a mischievous sparkle in her eye.

My eyes roam down her body, stopping at her soft pink polished toes and dancing back up to lock onto those whiskey colored eyes.

“You’re stunning,” I rasp and pull her into my arms, laying one helluva kiss on her lips.

I feel her mouth curve against mine and I thank the man up above for bringing her back.

We pull away and stare into each other's eyes. “Come in. I just need to grab my purse.” I nod and scamper right behind her like a dog who’s found his owner.

I watch her hips sway and I give myself a quick adjustment and curse that I didn’t wear jeans. These damn pants aren’t going to be able to conceal anything.

I drink in the beautiful sight before me, memorizing every line of her killer body. Her hourglass figure is accentuated by the floral dress that cinches at her waist and flows fluidly over her hips, stopping just below her knees and showcases her toned legs through the high slit with every step. The neckline is cut in a V, causing her plump and perky breasts to sit like they’re on a fucking silver platter, just waiting for me to devour them. Her long legs look like they run on for miles with her flesh toned heels that lace around her ankles.

Jesus Christ, she looks like every man’s wet dream.

“Um, thanks,” she giggles and her cheeks flush a deep pink.

“Huh?” I ask, snapping back to real life and wiping the drool that’s pooled in the corner of my mouth.

“What you, uh, said just now.”

“What I just…shit. I said that out loud?” She nods and my eyes go as wide as a silver dollars. “Well, no use denying it because it’s true. You’re a living, breathing fantasy and I’m a lucky sonuvabitch to have you on my arm tonight.”

She bites down on her juicy lip, trying to contain her growing smile. Her legs move like she dances on water –smoothly and gracefully– until she’s standing right in front of me. Her hands run up from my abs to my chest, and I instantly react with a groan.

She leans in close to my ear and whispers, “Same, big guy. I may have to rip the eyes out of any woman who looks your way, tonight.” Her breath tickles my neck and I want to say fuck it to dinner and spend the night worshiping her body.

I tangle my fingers into the soft waves of her hair and bring her mouth to mine. My teeth nip at her bottom lip and my tongue soothes the sting. Her lips part for me and I taste her, our tongues twisting and turning together in perfect rhythm.

My hand glides from her lower back down, palming her ass and squeezing it like it’s a ripe peach. And fuck if I don’t want to take a bite.

“We gotta go,” she says against my lips.

“Fuck dinner. Let’s stay here and make out like horny teenagers.” She laughs and steps back.

My arms drop but my fingers still itch to feel her soft flesh under them.

She swipes at my lips with a breathtaking smile on her face. “I got lipstick all over your mouth.”

“Don’t care,” I grunt and grab her hand, yanking her to me. Our mouths fuse once more and this time she doesn’t stop.

Her arms are wrapped all the way around my neck bringing her closer than I thought possible. I lick the seam of her mouth then plunge into the sweetest bliss I’ve ever tasted. She moans and my dick twitches like the greedy, horny bastard he is.

My hand that was resting on her lower back crawls down her body until it reaches the high slit of her dress. Her smooth leg sticks out from the material and I reach down, grabbing behind her knee and hook it with my hand. I lift her leg and she leans into me. When she does, she feels my hard length and she moans, “oh Jesus”.

I smirk against her lips and continue to reacquaint myself with her mouth and body.

“Vaughan,” she mumbles into my mouth and I eat her words. “We have to go. If we stay here we’ll never leave. And we’re supposed to be taking this slow. Remember?”

Fuck me and my damn mouth telling her we’d take baby steps.

I regrettably pull away from her mouth but don’t let go of her leg. Her eyes glimmer with lust as I glide my fingers across her smooth, tanned skin.

“As much as I’d like to eat you for dinner,” her mouth drops into a big O and she smacks my chest. “You’re right. Let’s go to dinner. I have a surprise planned for afterwards.”

“A surprise?” Cami drops her leg and stands tall. “What is it?”

“Well, like I tell my eleven year old…it’s not a surprise if I tell you. You’ll just have to wait and see. C’mon.” I grip her hand in mine and she pulls me to where her purse sits then out the front door.

She comes to a sudden halt when she sees what’s waiting for her out front.

“Shut…UP!” Her face lights with elation staring at my car.

Her car, actually. The one I bought for her years ago and have been waiting to give her for the day she came back to me.

I pull the keys from my pocket and dangle them in front of her face. It takes her a second to readjust her focus but when she sees my offering, she shrieks. She snags the keys from my hand then spins before jumping into my arms.

I stumble before bracing myself against the front door that, luckily, I shut behind us. She squeezes me with the strength of a boa constrictor as she coils her body around me. Legs and arms, her head tucked into my neck.

“I can really drive it?” She asks a little choked up.

“Mhm. It’s all yours.”

She begins to kiss my neck, up to my ear, across my jaw until landing on my lips. “Thank you,” she whispers.

When I pull back to kiss her once more, I see tears in her eyes. I don’t know if she’s overwhelmed from seeing the car and being able to drive it, or if she registers the truth in my words.

She wiggles out of my arms and I set her lightly on her feet.

“Think you can drive in those things?” I ask, motioning to her feet that are armed with killer spikes.

She looks at me incredulously, hands on hips. “Cowboy. I can drive this car, a tractor, or a horse in these heels. Let’s go.”

She tugs me behind her where she makes herself right at home in the car and screeches out of her driveway, leaving skid marks on the pristine street.

“Dinner was phenomenal. Thank you.” Cami leans over the table and kisses me after the waitress walks away with my credit card in her hand.

“Dinner was good. The company was phenomenal.” I kiss her back and she sits back in her seat. “Thank you, Cami. For coming with me. For listening to me. For giving me a chance.”

She bites her lip and I watch her face fall, the carefree feeling from just a moment ago vanishing.

“Don’t baby.”

“Don’t wha–”

“Don’t feel guilty. What happened is in the past, and we both agreed that it shaped who we are today. We are not going to dwell on what could’ve been. We’re only going to focus on the future and where we go from here. Okay?”

I tip her chin up until she meets my eyes. The low candlelight makes the moisture in her eyes glimmer, and a single tear falls from the corner of her eye. I wipe it away with my thumb and bring the wet tip to my lips. I kiss it away and rub that same thumb across her lips.

“We’ll do it together. Yeah?” She nods and I reward her with a tender touch of my lips on her hand.

“Here you go. Thank you for dining with us and have a wonderful evening.” The waitress sets down the receipt and my card.

“Thank you,” I tell her and quickly fill out the receipt and sign my name. “Let’s get outta here. I have something to show you.”

We practically run out of the restaurant and to the valet stand where we wait impatiently for them to drive my car around.

When my muscle car stops in front of us, the kid gets out with a wide smile. I hand him a tip and Cami moves toward the driver's side.

“Nuh uh, Sunshine.” I hold the passenger door open and hold her hand, helping her inside. “Our next stop is a surprise.”

“But–”

“Nope. Sit tight, gorgeous, and we’ll be there soon.”

I round the car and hop inside. I shift the car into drive and speed off just as she did when we left her house. Skids marks included.

Twenty five minutes later, we sit on a blanket I laid out for us over the damp grass looking out onto the calm lake. Our lake.

Twenty-Eight

VAUGHAN

T he big Texas sky is alight with stars. The sounds of frogs and cicadas surround us like a symphony. The air is hot and humid but the slightest breeze tickles our skin as it passes. Under the moonlight Cami’s eyes look like two orbs of amber fire. They're striking and I’m not sure if they’ve ever been more beautiful.

We drove to the lake with the windows down and the radio loud. Cami’s wild curls swirled around her like a tornado and I can’t recall the number of times I reached out to twist one in my fingers.

She leans back on her elbows, staring up at the sky, and I stare at her. The rise and fall of her chest pushes and pulls her breasts like the waning tide. Her legs are outstretched, one crossed over the other, and I can hold back no longer. I lean into her and run my hand up her leg starting at her ankle and stopping at the top of the dress’s slit, which has now risen higher.

She takes in an audible gasp as I roam my fingers down and up again.

“You know,” she whispers. “The last time I was here was the night before you moved to Florida. I couldn’t bring myself to come by myself. It didn’t feel right.”

I move in closer and lay a soft kiss on her neck. “My life didn’t feel right without you.”

Her body shivers and she tilts her head, giving me the permission I seek to continue lavishing her. I let my mouth trail down her neck and kiss the top of each breast before gripping one in my hand and squeezing.

She pulls my face to hers and searches for the truth in my eyes.

“I mean it, Camille. I felt like I couldn’t breathe most days. But now that you’re here…” I shake my head languidly and she stays silent.

Her body gradually lowers until her back is flat on the blanket and I’m hovering over her. Her fingers comb through the strands of my hair and I close my eyes.

Everything she does is so familiar yet so new. Her touch is one I’ll never forget, but the tenderness is different. More intense. Before we were just kids falling in love, trying to figure out the world and our futures. Now, we’ve both experienced heartbreak and loss and it’s shaped how we approach each day. How we value the small moments.

“Sunshine?”

“Hmm?”

There’s something I’ve been wanting to know, but I’ve held off, waiting for her to offer up some answers. But after telling her every last shameful detail of my life over the last twelve years, I really need to know the truth she keeps locked up.

“How did your husband die?” Her body tenses and her fingers fall from my hair.

Her eyes grow unfocused as they stare out into the darkness. Her breaths turn shallow and fast and I place my hand over her heart, trying to center her and remind her I’m here. I’m not leaving her side.

I almost tell her to forget I asked when she finally opens her mouth.

“I woke up one morning to find him still laying in bed, which was unusual since he woke early on the weekdays to get in a workout before we left for the office. I called out his name but he didn’t respond. So I reached out to shake him, but his body was cold and stiff.”

I feel her body shake as she inhales. With my hand still pressed to her chest, I lightly graze over her warm skin.

“I sat up and shook him harder, called his name louder, but he wouldn’t wake up. I called 911 and I insisted that I could do CPR. They talked me through it until the EMT’s arrived and took over. They tried for me because I begged them, but we all knew he was gone. His skin had lost its shine and his lips were colorless. The coroner was called and as we waited, police officers asked me questions. I don’t even remember what they asked or what I said.

“At some point I remember looking at my nightstand and finding a slip of paper resting underneath sprigs of lavender from my garden. I slipped the paper out and read the words that caused my entire world to turn black. I’m sorry but I can’t do it anymore. That’s all he said.”

I suck in a breath and hold it, praying that it isn’t what I think it is. I don’t dare say a word or repeat what’s on loop in my head.

Her eyes finally find mine and their pooling with tears. “Days later I was given a letter from our attorney that he had given to him to pass on in the event of his death. The thing is, he knew when that day would be. He had planned to leave me for a lot longer than I ever thought possible and wrote a letter letting me know that no matter how deeply he loved me, the pain he dealt with everyday since he was a teenager was greater.”

The tears stream from her eyes and are soaked up by her thick hair.

“No one knew he was depressed. He didn’t tell me or his parents or his best friend. I was married to him for seven years and never once did he trust or love me enough to tell me he was suffering. Instead he just…left.”

“I don’t believe for one second that he didn’t love or trust you.”

“Then why, Vaughan? Why did he just leave me? He took a bottle full of pills and just…faded away. I was all alone. He left me knowing I had nothing and no one. That’s not love.”

I lay down next to her and gather her in my arms and pull her to me. Her head is pressed against my chest and I rest my cheek on the top of her head. My arms want so badly to pull her to me until we become one being. I want to absorb her and the pain she is feeling.

“Baby, he loved you. I’m sure he did. Because to know you is to love you. But his demons were obviously too big for him to slay. I don’t know why he didn’t tell you. Maybe it was to spare you from bearing the weight of his pain. Maybe his body was too overcome by his mind and neither could fight the battle. We’ll never truly know. But what I do know is that you are not alone. You have family and friends who love you and…you have me.”

I swallow, the lump like a boulder blocking the way, and decide to just lay my heart at her feet. “I love you, Camille. I always have and I always will. Nothing has ever changed how I feel about you. Everyday always. From this life into the next.”

Her breath catches and I watch her throat work to keep her emotions at bay. I see fear in her eyes. She’s timid and afraid to let me in, but I know he loves me. I know it’s there. I just need to give her some time to admit what she feels.

Where her words fail, her kiss tells me all that I need to know. The lapping of her tongue against mine tells me the love is still there. Her nips and sucking let me know desire rages inside of her. The way she caresses my body is a sign that she still needs me.

I let my body talk and run my fingers up her leg until they meet the juncture of her thigh. Her movements slow but she doesn’t stop me. I take that as the green light and tease the edge of her lace panties.

I trail down one side and up the other, skipping over her wet core. Once I touch her there, she’s mine and I’ll fight any force that dares to break us apart. Besides, we agreed on “slow”.

But apparently my idea of slow and hers don’t match because she takes my hand and moves it to where she needs me most.

Her panties are soaked and I moan. She mewls and circles her hips. Her firm ass rubs against my aching cock. The fucker is an inch away from tearing the zipper off the track. And with the way she keeps grinding against me, that inch is milliseconds away.

I continue to tease her over the wet fabric and her mouth falls away from mine as she lets her head fall back with pleasure. I slip the tip of my finger beneath the lace feeling smooth skin. I dare not go further because I don’t want to pressure her. She obliterates my resolve and slides her panties to the side, giving me full access.

I run fingers up and down her slit and am surprised by the equally smooth and bare skin I find.

“When did this happen?” I pant as I suck in her neck.

“A long…a long time…ago.” I don’t let my mind think about who it was for but rather revel in the fact that it’s all for me, now.

I slowly and deliberately push one finger inside of her. She releases a long breath like I’m relieving her of pent up pressure that was about to explode.

I plunge further into her hot pussy. My finger is soaked and I’m aching for a taste. I pull out and her eyes pop open in protest. But when she sees me slide my finger into my mouth and lick it clean of her juices, she spins to straddle me and grinds against my raging hard on.

I flip down her dress to expose her breast and latch on. I suck hard on her pebbled nub and draw back, tugging her nipple with my teeth.

“Aaah,” she cries out, adding her sweet voice to the sounds around us.

Her hands leave my face and begin fumbling with my belt. “Cami, wait,” I mutter but she doesn’t hear me.

“Cami,” I grip her hands with mine, halting her quest. “I thought we said we’d take baby steps?”

“You said baby steps, I agreed to no such thing.” She swats my hand away and yanks the leather from the buckle.

“No. Not here. I won’t have you for the first time in twelve years on this patch of damp grass.”

“Why?” She asks, a bit solemnly. “It’ll be like we’re teenagers again, sneaking off behind our parents back.”

I bring my mouth close to hers, our lips a mere centimeters apart. “Because when I get you underneath me again, I’m going to fuck you into oblivion and neither one of us will be able to so much as move a toe.”

Her smile grows wide and she removes the sliver of spear between us. “Take me home, Vaughan,” she says against my mouth.

I grip her tight around her waist and clamber to my feet. She giggles at my attempt to be smooth but never let’s go. I step off the blanket and carefully bend to pick it up. Cami leans back and snatches it in her hands. My next moves are quick and frantic.

I jerk open the passenger door and drop her to the seat. Taking her mouth with mine once more, I fumble with the seatbelt until she’s buckled in.

“Good thing this baby can haul ass because if I don’t get inside of you soon, I’m going to explode in my pants.” I shut the door and run to the drivers side and hop in like I’m fucking Luke Duke.

I start the car, throw it in reverse, and peel out, leaving a flurry of gravel and grass in my wake.

Twenty-Nine

CAMILLE

V aughan breaks about…every traffic law to get to my house in half the time it would normally take.

Our drive is mostly silent, both of us filled to the brim with desire.

“Do you have to go home?” I ask.

Vaughan shakes his head and holds out his phone. “Can you text Hayes and let him know I won’t be home until morning? He was already planning to stay the night but I don’t want him to leave before I’m back.”

“Vaughan. It’s okay. You don’t have to—“

“Text him, Camille.” His voice is stern and I don’t waste time arguing.

“I need your face or the password.”

“92292,” he rattles off.

I type in the numbers and realize it’s my birthday. September 22, 1992.

I look at him but he concentrates on the road ahead of us, determined to get us home as quickly as possible.

I open his texting app and see a thread with Hayes’ name already there. I open it up and type out a text.

Vaughan (me): I won’t be home until morning. Can you stay until I’m back?

The bubbles dance across the screen and a message pops up seconds later.

Hayes: Hope this means you’re getting lucky tonight.

I smile cheekily to myself and reply:

Vaughan: He is. I’ll take good care of him.

I don’t wait for a response and lock the screen before handing the phone back to him. Vaughan sets it on his lap then takes my hand in his, entwining our fingers.

We pull up to the front of my house and I swing the door open before he comes to a complete stop.

“Park in the garage. This car is too beautiful to be sitting out in the elements.” He nods and I jog over to the keypad and punch in the code.

The door lifts and he rolls in, quickly parking and turning off the engine. His door flies open and I yank on his hand and haul him behind me. I slam my palm on the door opener and swing the door open so fast it slams against the wall.

Hey. It’s been awhile.

I blunder the code to the alarm once before taking a deep breath and re-entering it. The beeping stops and I run to my room, not giving Vaughan an opportunity to see more than a blur of the house.

We stumble through the door to my room and I spin to face him and begin unbuttoning his shirt.

“Hold on, baby. Slow down.” His deep timbered voice is a plea but I’m hearing none of it.

“We already established that slow doesn’t work. Get naked before I rip these clothes off.” My hands teeter between the buttons on his shirt and his belt.

“Cam. Can you stop for one quick second? Just one.” I let out a huff of air and rested my hands on his chest. “It’s been awhile since I’ve done this. I’m gonna try to go slow, but I can’t promise the first time will be any less than a jackrabbit pace.”

“It’s okay. It’s been almost a year since I last had sex. We’ll both race to the finish together.” I pop up on my toes and take his face in my hands and drag his lips to mine.

“Cam. Camille,” he struggles to say while I suck on his lip. “It’s been a long while since I’ve been with anyone.”

This has me stilling mid kiss. “How—how long?”

An audible gulp breaks the silence. “Y-years.”

“Since…”I can’t say her name. “Since she died?”

He shakes his head. “Way before that. Years before that.”

I drop to my feet and look at him with absolute shock.

“What? How is that possible? You were married.” My brows furrow in confusion

He walks over to my bed and slumps down on the mattress. “I told you I could barely tolerate living in the same house with Steph. We were…it was obligatory. We had sex only a dozen or so times the first couple years of our marriage.”

I gasp, completely astonished.

“It’s the main reason she started sleeping with other men. She complained I wasn’t giving her what she needed, so I told her to find it somewhere else.” He looks up at me and shrugs. “I went on a few dates when friends set me up after I moved back but…I didn’t want my hands or mouth on anyone but you. If I’d have had to go to my grave without touching you again, I’d have done it.”

I stand still, flabbergasted by his confession. Feeling almost guilty for taking so much pleasure in the nights, and days, I was wrapped up in Robbie. I was enjoying the throws of passion and Vaughan was living a solitary and lonely life while being married.

His shoulders sag and he stares at his fingers that are digging into his thighs. The tension in his grip is palpable.

I take the three steps that separate us and he looks up. Taking his hands in mine, I lace our fingers together. I bring one knee up to the mattress then do the same with the other, straddling him. I leisurely lower myself to his lap, partly in caution and partly in anticipation.

Our hands rest between us and I kiss him softly. Just a whisper of a kiss. We stare into each other's eyes, the sound of our panting breaths and beating hearts the soundtrack to what’s about to happen.

“Have me, Vaughan. Make me yours, again.” He slips his hands out from my grip and dances them across my skin from my shoulders, down my arms, over my hips and resting on my ass.

He rolls my hips back and forth on his length while devouring my mouth. I slipped sleeves down my shoulders leaving them laying limp. Small pearl buttons are the only things holding the dress together. My fingers move deftly, sliding them through the hole and exposing another inch of skin. When the last one releases the sides hang open, my breasts heavy and waiting for Vaughan to take me how he wants me.

“Fuck,” he groans.

He dips his head and clamps onto me, sucking like they hold the youth serum. He’s urgent and greedy.

I tangle my fingers in his hair and bring him closer until his mouth is engulfed with me. My head drops back and eyes close, moaning at the feel of him touching me again.

He feasts on me and I can’t take another second of not feeling his hard body. In a rapid fire pace I undo his shirt and push it off of him. He breaks our kiss long enough to remove it completely.

He’s beautiful. More gorgeous than I remember. His body is all hard and rippled muscles. Defined pecs and abs pop under his flex. His skin is a golden tan from days working on the ranch. Visions of him wearing his hat, shirtless and low slung jeans while sweat drips down his body flood like a movie scene. Imagining his muscles contract while he tosses bales of hay is cowboy porn at its best.

“What’s wrong?” He asks, pulling me out of my fantasy.

“Nothing. Just… thinking.” I smile and bite my lip, hoping one day to live out my little daydream.

“Are you thinking naughty thoughts, Camille?” I blush and nod. “You don’t just have to think about them. We can live out any fantasy you have. I want to live out everyone of mine with you.”

My body tingles imagining him pleasuring me until I fall into a sated heap.

“What—what would you do?” My voice is husky with need.

He stands and I wrap my legs around him. He spins us around and drops me to the bed.

“First I’ll eat this beautiful pussy until I’ve drained you dry.” He runs his hand down my stomach and presses his palm against my soaked panties. “Then…I’m going to bury myself so deep inside of you, you won’t know where you end and I begin. I’m going to beat this pussy until you need an ice pack. There is nothing that will tear me away. I’ve got years of repressed need and you are about to experience me like you never have before.”

Chills race over my skin and I feel like I could orgasm from his words alone.

“When did you become a dirty talking boy?” My hoarse voice gives away just how much I love it.

“I’m not a boy anymore, Camille. I’m all man. So if you’re hoping for something sweet and slow, you better tell me now because once my cock is buried inside of you, I’m fucking you until you beg me to stop.”

Holy…shit.

My sweet Vaughan who held me up on a pedestal and treated me with the utmost respect is a dirty talking alpha who is about to rip me to shreds.

His hands slip under the skirt of my dress and crawl up my legs until he reaches my panties. He drags them down my leg and off and shoves them in his pants pocket. A lopsided smirk tells me I’m in trouble.

He licks his lips, eyes glued to mine, and disappears under my skirt. I feel his tongue licking its way up the inside of my thigh and his hot breath blowing across my clit. I jolt, my body a live wire ready to ignite. With his thumbs he spreads me wide and flattens his tongue, licking me and lapping up my juice.

“Jesus, you’re better than I remember,” his muffled voice vibrates against my slit and I tremble.

“Vaughan…please…” Please stop. Please more. Please never leave me.

His nose nudges my clit and I hear him inhale. I want to see the expression on his face, so I gather my skirt up until his beautiful eyes are shining with mischief.

I hear his deep, gravely voice tell me, “Hold my head with your thighs and hang on tight.” He covers my mound with his mouth and eats me like a man on death row, eating his last meal.

My body quivers while he licks, sucks and bites at me. I can’t remember the last time I felt so good. I feel like I’m flying then sinking into an abyss of pleasure. Just when I think I’m going to hit the crescendo, he switches from fast to slow and I’m drifting through the sky, bracing for the crash.

“Aah. Oh God. Vaughan. Right there. Right…” he sucks my clit in his mouth and the fuse burns, igniting the fireworks that explode behind my eyes.

Bright lights dance and then it all fades to black. My body feels weightless, like I’m levitating. The next moments seem hazy, but I feel my dress being lifted off of me and Vaughan moves me further up the bed.

My heels are still tied to my feet and I sigh, “shoes…off.”

“No. On,” he barks.

I hear something that sounds like his zipper and then the clinking of his buckle. The weight of his body covers me and he whispers in my ear. “Can I fuck you bare, Camille?” I think I nod and he growls.

The head of his cock rubs along my already swollen slit, collecting the evidence of my orgasm. I opened my eyes, clearing away the clouds of elation, and looked down between us. He fists himself in one hand and grips my hip in the other. A wicked gleam flashes before he plunges into me in one swift move, filling me to the hilt.

“Fuuck,” he groans, his head thrown back and his Adam's apple bobbing with each swallow.

The air is knocked out of my lungs and the world grows quiet. Vaughan stills inside of me, letting me adjust to the size of him. He settles his mouth against my collarbone and he bites down, causing me to cry out.

He licks the tender flesh then kisses it and says, “Dig those fucking heels into my back, Camille. Mark me, I’m yours.” That’s the last warning I get and then he’s pummeling me, deep and hard.

My body is thrusted upwards, my head hitting the padded headboard. I brace my palms against it to hold me from barreling through it. Every thrust sends a shockwave spiraling through me.

He pulls almost completely out, leaving the engorged head of his thick cock inside of me, then drives all the way in. He rolls his body and his pubic bone connects with my sensitive clit. He’s stroking a building fire that’s going to consume and burn down the world around me.

“Jesus, you feel amazing,” he grunts between thrusts. “Are you gonna come for me again, sunshine? I want to hear you scream. I want to feel your body quake with aftershocks. C’mon, baby. Do it for me.”

He coaxes my orgasm with his words and gravelly voice. He slams into me once more and I fall, I break, I combust. I grip his ass in my hands and sink my nails into its firmness.

“Yeessssss!” I scream so loud I’m shocked that the windows aren’t shattering. My heels are dug so deep into the backs of his thighs that I worry I’ve punctured him.

Vaughan pumps once, twice, three times and he erupts. His cock swells and he fills me with his release.

“Cami…fuck,” he roars, then collapses against me.

We lay motionless, his body still covering mine, and gasping for air. His cock is in me, still semi hard. I look up at him and get lost in his ocean eyes, floating away in a wave of bliss and happiness.

This is it. The moment that I feel whole again. He’s pieced me back together and I’m trusting him not to destroy what little is left of my heart.

Thirty

CAMILLE

L ight filters through the slit between the curtains and I stir. My body feels like it's been wrapped in a heated blanket all night, and a heavy arm holds me tight to a hard chest. I roll my body giving it the slightest stretch and I bump against…

Oh!

“Mmm,” I hear a deep rumble in my ear and chills shoot down my spine. “Quit doing that unless you’re ready for round four.”

After our first, fast and furious round of sex we laid in each other’s arms until we grew hungry and wandered in search of sweets. Two bowls of ice cream and an epic spoon fight later we stumbled into the shower to wash off the stickiness and I ended up riding Vaughan on the shower bench. I fell into a peaceful sleep after having my brain and body thoroughly fried, only to be woken in the dead of the night to a hot mouth clamped tight onto my swollen core.

“I think I need a couple more hours to recover. I feel like I’ve been bareback riding on a horse for hours and I can barely move my legs.” I roll over in his arms and press my bare chest against his.

“You kinda did ride bareback for hours.”

“Oh my gosh. You did not.” I smack his chest and roll my eyes, but he isn’t that far from the truth.

He smirks, his eyes still closed, and his hand rubs up and down my back. I nuzzle into his warm chest and trace my fingers over the tattoo that runs from his pec up his shoulder and down to his arm, stopping short of his bicep.

It’s an intricate weave of peonies and buds and foliage. The black outline of each flower and shading looks so real I want to bury my nose between the petals and inhale. Large blooms and small blooms twist and turn over his beautiful skin. I study every inch of it and find two brightly colored butterflies resting on the flowers. The vivid color pops against the black lines.

I trace it with the tip of my finger and squint when I find words swirling through the leaves.

Everyday, always, from this life into the next.

My throat clogs with emotion when my eyes read the words over and over. My breaths are shallow and I feel my chest tighten. Tears pool in my eyes and I blink rapidly to keep them at bay.

“What’s wrong, sunshine?” I look up and Vaughan’s eyes are focused on my fingers.

“Your tattoo,” I choke out.

“It’s your tattoo, baby. Your favorite flowers, the words I whispered to you…”

“The words we promised to each other,” I finish.

He nods and wipes his finger under my eye, catching an errant tear. “I told you, Cam. It’s always been you.”

“And the butterflies?”

He smiles wider. “You and Day. My two girls.”

My tears are free falling now, and I press my head to his chest. I’m overcome with feelings that I thought were gone. Things I didn’t know I could feel anymore. I was a hollowed tree, just one good wind blow from falling over. But now I feel rooted and safe being with Vaughan again and hearing all his truths.

“Why are you cryin’?” he whispers into my hair.

“Y–you did this for me? Even though we weren’t together?” I stutter.

“I told you. There has never been anyone else for me. I wanted you branded on my skin for all eternity so I could carry you with me even when I didn’t have you.”

I kiss his chest where his tattoo rests on his pec. I close my eyes and repeat the words in my head.

“I love you, Camille. I don’t expect you to say it back, but I want you to remember that…everyday, always…from this life into the next.”

I grab his head and pull him to me, crashing my lips to his. My nipples are sensitive from last night’s foreplay and when his neatly trimmed chest hair rubs against them, an electric shock courses through me.

I wrap my leg around his waist and bring my naked pussy to his hard cock.

“Baby. You just said you were sore,” he mumbles as my tongue continues to ravage him.

“I am. But I can still take care of you.” I bite his lip then let my mouth trail down his neck, over the peaks and valleys of his stomach and trace those gorgeous lines that form a perfect V.

I crawl under the cool sheets and he holds them up, watching my descent. I lick the bead of precum that already leaks from his crown. He hisses and I do it again. He thrusts his hips and I tease him with my tongue, licking his sensitive underside. I grab the base of his cock and swallow him whole.

“Jesus fucking Christ, Cami.” He sinks his head into the pillow and I work him until he’s screaming my name.

“What would you like? Eggs, waffles, pancakes…” I trail off, sorting through the fridge for something I can make quickly so that Vaughan can get home.

He already spoke with Dagen this morning and with Hayes who said the two of them were going to work out in the barn this morning and Vaughan promised his daughter he’d be home by lunch.

“How about a twat-ffle? A Cami twat-ffle.”

I straighten my spine and turn on my heel to look at him. “Vaughan. You are dirty.”

He laughs and pulls me into his arms. His chest is bare and he wears only his tight, black boxer briefs. I have on his green button up from last night with the sleeves rolled up. His smell is all around me and I want to live in it.

“You love my dirty mouth. Admit it.” His smile lights up the entire room.

“Let’s feed you, naughty boy.” He gives me a quick peck on the lips and returns to the coffee maker to pour us a cup. “I can make you a breakfast burrito. It won’t take long.”

“I’ll give you a breakfast burrito.” He chuckles and I smack his tight ass.

“Good grief, Vaughan. You are a perv.” He winks and fills two mugs with steaming coffee.

I set about making a quick breakfast burrito and we sit at the counter eating.

“Damn. I forgot how good a cook you are.” He pops the last bite into his mouth and wipes his mouth with a napkin.

I chew the small bite left in my mouth and feel too full to finish. “Here,” I say, pushing the rest on my plate to him. “I’m stuffed. Have the rest.”

He grabs what’s left and tosses the whole damn thing in his mouth. My mouth falls open and I watch him as he chews through a smirk. I softly laugh and stand up, grabbing both our plates and taking them to the sink.

I feel his heat behind me and he reaches around placing our empty glasses next to the plates. He braces his arms on either side of me, caging me in while he places kisses on my neck.

“Thank you,” he mutters against my skin. “That was delicious. And so are you.”

I bite my lip to stop the ridiculous smile from getting out of control. He grips my hips and spins me around to face him. I look up into his eyes, clear and bright, and my heart flutters like it used when he’d look at me like this.

“When can I see you again, sunshine?”

I shrug one shoulder and run my fingers along his tattoo. “Whenever you want. Not like I have anything or anyone to worry about. Remember? No job, no responsibilities.”

His lips land on my forehead and I close my eyes. “Then come work with me. You can do whatever you want. Horses, shooting, trail rides. Just tell me and it’s yours. And I’ll pay you anything. Shit, Cam…you can have the damn ranch if you want it.”

I rest my head on his chest and grin. “I don’t need money, Vaughan. I…I have a lot of it.” My voice drops with…embarrassment? Uncertainty with how he’ll react?

“What’s ‘a lot’, baby?” He places his chin gently on the top of my head.

I swallow down my nerves, inhaling a shaky breath. “Five million.”

His body tenses then he’s pushing back from me, his arm gripping my shoulders.

“I’m sorry. It sounded like you said five million.”

I nod and furrow my brows. “I did. When Robbie….when Robbie left, it gave me majority shares in our company. I didn’t want to run it without him so our partner bought me out. Plus, he had a trust that he had been putting money into since, apparently, he knew our insurance wouldn’t pay out in the event of a suicide. With that and the sale our estate, that left me with—“

“Five million dollars,” Vaughan says, totally dumbfounded.

I scrunch my face and close my eyes. “Actually, it was seven point two five. But I bought this house, paid off my parents' home, set up a trust for my niece Maddie, and secretly set aside some for my siblings.”

“Jesus, Mary and Joseph,” he exclaims and shoves his fingers in his hair, tugging at the strands.

I can’t get a read on him and my nerves start to run wild.

Just as I’m about to…what? Apologize for having money, he drops his hands and looks at me.

“So this means you’ll be my sugar mama?” A wicked gleam is in his eyes and he waggles his brows.

I throw my head back in laughter and he latches onto my neck like a vampire thirsty for his first taste.

I moan and gasp, “I’ll be anything you want if you keep doing that.”

He continues to lick and suck but my eyes fly open with realization.

“Vaughan! No more hickeys. My tits already look like they have an extra nipple!” He chuckles. “I mean it.”

I push him away and run to the other side of the kitchen island, needing some space. He fakes to the right then left and moves quickly around it. I jump from his reach and through the prep area and into the formal dining room.

The long, eight person table gives me enough room to sprint away from him.

“Camille,” he growls. “Get your tight ass over here and let me finish. I want you wearing my marks on your body.”

I jump as he makes a step towards me. “We are not fifteen anymore, Vaughan. You cannot leave me a hickey on my neck.”

He takes another step and I take three.

“I’m not playing, Camille.”

“Neither am I, Vaughan.”

He lunges and I take off again, circling back through the entry and straight for the kitchen. I look over my shoulder to gauge how close he is, but he’s not behind me. I turn back and run face first into a smooth wall.

Strong hands hold me tight and slip down over my ass and to the backs of my thighs. I’m lifted in the air and set on top of the counter. The cold marble is a shock to my scantily clad bottom and I hiss.

“I won’t leave a hickey on your neck, sunshine…I’ll leave it somewhere else.”

Vaughan’s hands spread my legs wide and he dips lower, keeping his eyes locked to mine. I feel the soft touch of his nose running the length of my leg, from my ankle to my–

“Ah,” I sigh, huskily when his mouth connects with the wet center of my panties.

His breath, despite being warm, sends shivers rolling up my body. Deftly, his fingers glide across my skin and pull my panties to the side, and he dips his tongue through the folds of my pussy.

I tangle my fingers in his hair and cry out with bliss. My eyes are closed and my mouth hangs open when a loud click echoes.

I freeze and yank Vaughan who is too enraptured with his ministrations to be disturbed.

“Cam?” the voice calls and I recognize it as my sisters.

Vaughan jumps to his feet, his mouth glistening with my juice.

“Who’s here?” he asks.

“Cathia,” I whisper back. “Fuck. You gotta hide.”

I jump off the counter and Vaughan’s eyes look wild with panic.

“You’re room,” he says and turns on his heel.

“No!” I whisper shout. “You’ll have to go through the foyer.” I search frantically for a better option and land on the laundry room door.

“Cami. Why is your alarm not on?” Cathia’s voice draws closer and we shuffle to the laundry room.

I open the door, shove him in and close it with a soft snick just as Cathia appears in the kitchen.

“Hi,” I answer, out of breath and looking worse for the wear.

“H-ey,” she drawls. She looks over her shoulder and points towards the front door. “Did you know your alarm is off?”

“Oh, um, yeah. I went out to…grab the paper,” I lie.

“What are you wearing?” She eyes me from head to toe and I cross my legs, trying to hide the evidence of last night –and this morning– like she’d be able to tell what I was up to.

“A little risque for the ballpark, dontcha think?” Her eyes assess me skeptically.

“Huh?”

“The ballpark. You know, the baseball game we’re going to today. The one that Viv and CeCe reserved seats for us.”

Oh shit.

“Yeah. I…I’m just still waking up. Didn’t sleep much,” I tell her honestly.

“Why are you acting so weird? You seem–” A clanging sound coming from the laundry room breaks her focus. “What was that?”

“Nothing!” I shout and move to stand in front of her. “Just…the cat.”

Fucking Christ. Why did I say that?

“Cat? You don’t have a cat. You’re allergic, shit for brains. What’s really going on?” She pushes me to the side and speed walks towards the door.

“No! Cathia. Wait!” I try in vain to stop her, but she’s already flinging the door open.

I rush up behind her and slam my hands over my face.

There, standing in all his glory draped with my silk robe that barely covers his crotch, is an embarrassed Vaughan.

“Hey, Cathia.” He lifts his hand to give her a small wave but it causes the robe to fall open revealing his tight briefs.

“Good morning, Vaughan.” Cathia looks at me, a jubilant smile etched across her face.

At least it wasn’t my mom.

Thirty-One

VAUGHAN

I  cover my dick with my hand and shrink into myself, totally mortified by how Cathia has found me.

“So,” she says, smugly. “I take it last night’s date went well?” Camille groans and I flush with embarrassment.

“You could say that,” I drag out.

“Why don’t you go get dressed, Vaughan. I’m gonna make a cup of coffee,” Cathia tells me. “Cam, you may want to go with him since I assume that’s his shirt and not some new dress.”

We both walk away, shoulders slumped, like we’ve been busted by our parents.

Cami slams the door behind us when we enter her bedroom. “Oh God,” she whines. “I’m sorry. I totally forgot she was picking me for the game.”

I tug her to me and wrap my arms around her waist.

“It’s okay, sunshine. At least we heard her and she didn’t catch us with my head buried in my sweet pussy.”

“Vaughan!” she bellows.

I kiss her nose and squeeze her again. “Don’t stress. Let’s just get changed.”

I begin undressing her and pause to lick each nipple.

“Don’t. If we take longer than five minutes she’s going to know exactly what we’re doing.”

I snort shamelessly. “Baby. I’m pretty sure she already knows what we did. She’s not a nun.”

“God, this is so embarrassing.” I slip the shirt off her shoulders and have to stop myself from diving into her glorious tits.

I slide my arms through the sleeves and she walks over to her closet and disappears.

“By the way, you looked pretty sexy in that robe. But it’s a good thing you weren’t sporting wood. I can’t have Cathia getting an eyeful of what’s mine.”

I pause when she calls me hers and feel a heaviness melt away.

I’m hers. I’ve waited so long to hear those words fall from her mouth again, and I can hardly contain my elation. If it weren’t for Cathia being just a few rooms away, I’d bury myself inside Cami, then haul her down to city hall and marry the shit out of her. But again, I’m about twenty five steps ahead of her and I remind myself to calm down.

She walks out of the closet wearing a pair of leggings and an oversized shirt. She ties her wild curls up into a messy bun while I slide my pants on. Grabbing my shoes I follow her out of the room and back to the woman who is no doubt waiting to give us the third degree.

We sit silently at the kitchen counter while Cathia studies us with a knowing eye, sipping a glass of wine.

“I can’t believe you’re drinking that, Cat. It’s only eleven,” Cami chides her sister.

“Oh, I think this situation calls for alcohol. Viv and C agree.”

“What?! You told them,” she shouts.

Cathia takes another big gulp and nods. “You bet your sweet ass I did. Robe and all.”

“Fuck, Cathia,” I grumble. “Viv is going to tell Bishop who will tell Hayes who will tell my mom. I’m gonna have the entire fucking calvary at my house by the time I get there.”

Cathia laughs like it’s the funniest damn joke she’s ever heard.

It’s been years since I’ve spoken with Cathia, but we fall into familiarity so easily that I feel like I’m back home.

“Well…now that I’ve been utterly embarrassed, I better get home. Dagen is expecting me.” I stand and Cami does the same. I hesitantly walk over to Cathia to give her a hug.

“You busy today?” she asks, polishing off her morning wine.

“Why? Are you going on a mortification tour and want me to tag along for signings and pictures?”

She giggles and smacks my arm. So much like her sister.

“No, stupid. I told CeCe you were here and she put aside a few more tickets for you all. Meet us at the game.”

I look at Cami who is staring back. She gives me a ‘it’s up to you’ shrug and I worry my lip. I know Dagen would be over the moon to go to the game even if she doesn’t like baseball. Just the chance to be around Cami is enough for her to become an instant fan.

“Are you sure it’s not a problem?”

She nods. “Definitely. Plus, CeCe and Viv would never forgive me if we showed up without y’all. They’re chomping at the bit to give you both a good razzing.”

“Christ,” I moan and Cami groans.

“Invite Hayes, too.” The hopefulness in her voice has me arching a questioning brow.

“C’mon. I’ll walk you out.” Cami grasps my hand and pulls me to the garage.

“Ohhoho. You’re parked in the garage. Guess someone was trying to stay incognito.” Cathia continues to tease us.

“Fuck off, Cat,” Cami shouts over her shoulder and walks me to my car.

“I’m so excited,” Day buzzes as she bounces in her seat. “Do you think Cami will like how I did my hair?”

She pops her head between Hayes and I in the front seat, twisting her head from side to side. She’s been practicing all week on her hair and has almost mastered the perfect half bun and beach waves.

Whatever the hell that is, I don't like it. She looks like a teenager and not my little bird who was fine tossing her hair in a ponytail and plopping her cowboy hat on her head. I swear that was just a week ago.

That’s because it was dumbass.

Cami coming into our lives has already changed us. I’m happier, smiling more and actually looking forward to tomorrow. I’m not sullen and wishing I had just one more day with her. Now I’m looking forward to the next time I can see her face.

Dagen has light in her eyes. Not that she didn’t before, but now it’s brighter. She has this optimism in her expression that says she hopes this is for real.

For both our sakes I pray it is.

“She’s gonna love it, baby bird.”

“Dad. Can you please not call me that in front of people?” she whines and slumps back in her seat.

“So does that mean I can’t call you peanut?” Hayes asks her.

I can’t see it, but I know she’s rolling her eyes.

“No, Uncle Hayes. You cannot call me peanut. Just Dagen. Or Day. Say it with me. Da-gen.” She over enunciates.

Hayes snickers and reaches back to squeeze her cheek.

“Ugh! You two are the worst,” she grouses.

I look in the rearview, catching her eyes and giving her a wink. She tries to bite back her smile but I see it.

“So. How was the date?” Hayes turns his attention to me.

“Not now,” I grumble. I’m not about to spill the naughty details of my night with Cami.

He shakes his head with a snort. “Alright, big bro. But just know, I’m not letting this go until I get some answers. Inquiring minds wanna know.”

I flick my glare to him for just a second before returning it to the road. “Did you talk to Bishop?”

“Yup,” he says with an exaggerated pop of the P. “And mom.”

“Fuck,” I mumble. “I’d rather kidnap Cam and flee the country with her and Day than talk to you gossiping grannies about it.”

Hayes laughs louder and I’m thankful that Day is totally engrossed with a hair tutorial on YouTube.

I would die a thousand deaths if she heard the explicit words I would have to use to describe my reunion with Cami. Because last night was a fucking dream come true and if I could shout it from the rooftops, I’d scale the highest building.

Thirty-Two

CAMILLE

T he stadium is crawling with Wranglers fans all ready to root for the home team. I keep my eyes peeled for the first sight of Vaughan and I grow more anxious by the second.

“Chill out. They’ll be here soon. You look like a crazy creeper.” Cathia sits next to me in our seats behind home plate.

Having a best friend who works PR for your home baseball team definitely comes with benefits. And since her parents moved back to India, that means we are her only family in Houston which allows us to use every free ticket we can get our hands on.

“I’m not. I was just looking for…the beer guy.”

“Okay, Pinocchio.”

“Shut up,” I snarl and return to my scanning of every face that walks this way.

A few more minutes pass and my hands are now drenched in sweat. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea, inviting them to join us.

Things are moving at lightning speed for Vaughan and I’m still trying to stop my head from spinning. I was definitely all in last night, but confessions of love and forever have me reeling. As much as I led him to believe I’m right there with him, my weary heart just doesn’t know if it can stand the pain if something were to happen.

Two strikes have me teetering on the edge of insanity. A third time would completely destroy me. I thought my world shattered the first time I lost Vaughan. Add in the loss of my husband to an invisible demon that had him reaching out to the other side rather than me, and it would be a massive obliteration of my existence.

We sat in silence, only the anticipation of the game filling the space between my sister and I. Her fingers tapped incessantly on the arm of her chair. She was growing more irritated by the minute. I gave her as few details as I could to hold her off until the four of us girls were all together. I know they were jonesing for the details, but I’d only tell them once. The edited version, of course.

“Hey, sunshine.” The deep timber of his voice in my ear snaps me from my mindless wandering.

“Hi,” I squealed, jumping out of my chair. “Hi Dagen.”

I reached for her, not sure how to greet Vaughan, and pulled her into a warm hug.

“Hi Miss Cami. I mean Cami. Do you like my hair?” She spun in an awkward circle in the limited space between rows.

“It’s amazing. You look beautiful, sweetheart.” She beams with pride.

“Hey gorgeous.” Hayes’ southern drawl caught my attention next. “Don’t you look smokin’. Umpf,” he grunts when Vaughan socks him in the stomach.

“Eyes off, asshole,” Vaughan threatens.

“Dad!”

He grimaces and flings his arm around her neck. “Sorry baby bi-Day.” She narrows her eyes at him and I laugh.

“Come sit,” I tell them and motion to the empty seats.

“Is that seat free?” Hayes points to the empty chair next to Cat.

Cat blinks about a thousand times before finally saying, “uh huh.”

Hayes shuffles to the other side and sits down.

“Cami, can I sit by you?” Dagen tugs on my arm and bounces on her toes.

“Sure. Do you want to sit between your dad and I, or—“

“Hi Dagen. I’m Cathia. Cami’s sister. You can call me Cat. Wanna sit by me? You can tell me all about your awesome hair.”

Dagen nods and asks Vaughan, “is that okay, dad?”

“Sure, sweetheart. Behave,” he points at her and gives her the fakest stern look I’ve seen to which she replies with an eye roll.

“That means you’re stuck sitting next to me, cowboy. You okay with that?” I nudge his shoulder with mine and he captures me before I could pull away.

He brings his mouth to the shell of my ear and whispers, “if were up to me and if there weren’t thousands of people around, I’d have you sitting in my fucking lap.” And then he licks my earlobe.

“Vaughan,” I say in a breathy moan.

“She didn’t see anything.” He sits in his chair and pulls me over one seat so Dagen can sit between me and Cat.

“Hayes was right. You look damn gorgeous.” I smile shyly and hide my blush.

When I got dressed for today, my original outfit was thrown right out the window when Vaughan decided to join us.

I ended up wearing a pair of high waisted, cut-off denim shorts, and I did a quick alteration to my Wranglers tee, cropping it just enough not to be obscene but enough to tease. I made my curls more defined and wore my favorite pair of Vans that I knew would have Vaughan seeing flashbacks.

“Thanks.”

He slings his arm over the back of my chair and twists one of my curls around his finger. Just like he used to.

“What’dya say we get some food and drinks over here? Huh?” Cat raises her hand to get the attendants attention and calls her over.

“Hi there. Welcome to Wranglers Stadium. What can I get for y’all?” The waitress takes our drink and food orders, and I insist on sharing the largest bag of cotton candy with Dagen they have.

When the waitress returns –with an extra set of hands to help– she informs us that our bill is all comp.

“Ms. Desai set up a tab for you today, so everything is on the house.” She leaves us with a smile and we leave her with a fat tip.

“Friends in high places,” Hayes sings before gulping down his beer.

The game starts and we cheer and boo along with the home crowd. Jumping from our seats when a good play is made, and yelling at the umps when they make a bad call.

“Are you having a good time?” I ask Dagen.

She nods, smudges of pink cotton candy melted to her lips. “Mhm. So much fun. Thanks, Cami, for inviting us.” She leans over and flings her arms around my shoulders.

It feels so nice to hug this sweet girl. I find myself wishing she was mine.

“Hey,” Cat cries. “I’m the one who called CeCe. Don’t I get a hug?”

Dagen releases me and turns to my sister. “Of course, Cat.”

The game is in the middle of switching innings when Kiss Me by Sixpence None the Richer blares from the speakers.

We all watch as the camera pans over the fans and stops on couples, urging them to kiss for everyone to see.

From the corner of my eye, I see Cat pocket her phone and whisper something close to Hayes’ ear. I saw her reaction to him when they first got here, and I’m wondering if there may be a little love connection going on. Maybe just a crush.

“Cami! Cami! Look.” Dagen shakes my arm and points to the jumbotron where I see my face…ten feet tall. “Kiss her, daddy. Kiss her.”

My jaw drops and nerves begin to tumble around in my belly. I watch Vaughan whose expression is the complete opposite of my overwhelmed one.

“What’dya say, sunshine? Don’t want to disappoint the fans,” he says as the crowd chants kiss her, kiss her.

The words clog in my throat but it doesn’t matter because in the next instance, Vaughan has cupped the back of my head and my jaw and pulled me to him, crashing our mouths together in a very NSFW lip lock.

The stadium explodes with whistles and catcalls, but to me it’s just a muted mumble. I’m lost in his touch, the feel of lips and the taste of his tongue. Hints of hops and barley mixed with my sugary remnants of cotton candy combine and we both moan into each other’s mouths.

My hands grip his wrists and I’m seconds away from jumping over this armrest and straddling his lap.

A throat clears and we reluctantly tear apart. Afraid to look behind me and face his eleven year old daughter with shame in my eyes, I drop my head and stare at the peanut shell covered floor instead.

“Y’all forget this is a family event? Gotta keep it PG, man.” Hayes taunts us causing my face to switch from heated passion to burning embarrassment.

“Where’s Day?” Vaughan asks and I turn around to find two empty seats that once held bodies.

“Cat thought it was the perfect time to take little miss to the ladies room. Good thing, too, ‘cause I’m not sure Day is ready to learn about the birds and bees from her dad in front of forty thousand people.”

I’m riddled with guilt and humiliation thinking about Dagen watching us make out like horny teenagers. She was the one to encourage the kiss, but I doubt she meant to see her dad try to swallow me whole.

“I’m gonna go…” I point in the direction and make quick work of exiting the aisle, and flee the scene of the crime.

I try to make a quiet escape, but people recognize me from the screen and let out hoots and hollers.

First my sister walked in on us in the aftermath of hot sex, and now all of Houston saw me sucking face with Vaughan.

Way to keep it classy, Camille.

Thirty-Three

VAUGHAN

“S hut it,” I growl at Hayes when Cami is out of sight.

He throws his hands up in defense. “Hey man. I didn’t say anything.”

“I can see it all over your face, asshole. Just drop it.” He chuckles and shakes his head then finishes the dregs of his beer.

We sit in silence for a few moments before he opens his big fat mouth and ruins it.

“So did you two pick up where you left off or…?” I toss a few kernels of popcorn at him and he laughs, trying to shield himself from the airborne salt and butter.

It’s difficult to bite back my laughter because I couldn’t deny it if I tried. It felt good for people to know Cami was mine again. And the way we just announced it let every man in a fifty mile radius that she was taken.

I should have worried more about what Dagen thought of it all, but she was all for it when the camera landed on us.

“Hey,” I lean over and smack Hayes’ arm to get his attention. “Did you know about the kiss cam?”

A cocky lopsided grin tugs on the corner of his mouth. “Maybe. Cat told me that CeCe got the camera guy to zero in on you two.”

Of course she did. I got the feeling the night of Cami’s welcome home party that she, Viv and Cat were all for our reunion. And as long as I had them in my corner, I was confident Cami would be mine forever.

“What’s going on with you and Cat? I saw the way you looked at her.”

Hayes’ eyes bugged when Cat stood to greet us when we arrived. It’s been a few too many years since they’ve seen each other, and both have grown from scrawny kids to mature and good looking adults.

Cathia is three years younger than Cami, and Hayes is seven years younger than me making him twenty four to her twenty eight. Not a huge difference when you compare one adult to the other. But growing up, he was Dagen’s age the last time Cathia saw him.

Quite a bit has changed about my not so little bro. And I think Cat noticed.

“Nothin’. Just talking. I haven’t seen her in years.”

“Mhm,” I mumble and take a pull of my beer. My one and only beer since I’m driving.

He sighs, dropping his head in defeat. “Fine. She’s fucking hot, okay. The Villalobos sisters are God’s gift to men and I may have a tiny crush on Cat.” He holds up his index finger and thumb just a sliver apart.

“Well I least it’s switched to the other, available sister.” He laughs thinking about his childhood crush on Cami.

“Yeah. I was a little starry eyed over her. But I mean, she was super nice and always hugged me and took time to ask about my day. How could a ten year old boy not have it bad for the older, pretty girl?” I glare at him but my smile doesn’t quite match the intensity of my eyes.

The people in the seats next to me begin to scoot back and move legs and I notice Cami, Cat and Day shuffling through.

“‘Cuse us. Thanks,” I hear them say to the spectators.

The girls take up their previous seats and while they get situated, I take the opportunity to have a quick word with Dagen.

“Hey baby bird,” I whisper in her ear. “Are you okay with what just happened?’

I know she can sense the worry in my voice when she looks at me with a furrowed brow.

“Yeah, daddy. I’m okay. Cami asked me the same thing. I told her we already had this talk and that I gave you permission to make her your girlfriend. I told her it was okay to kiss you…just not too much.” This girl never ceases to amaze me and make me laugh.

I shake my head slowly at her with a grin and kiss her forehead. “You’re the best, baby bird. You know that?”

“Yup. I know,” she says with all the confidence in the world and goes back to watching the game as our Wranglers beat the Colts.

“We parked a little farther away,” I tell Cam as we step up to her car. “Can I call you later?”

“You better,” she replies and gives me a quick peck on the lips while Dagen is distracted.

I pull her into a hug, wrapping my hands around her waist. “Day told me what she told you in the restroom earlier.”

She chuckles and slides her hands up my chest and around my neck. “Yeah. It was so cute. She was serious. Like a mom questioning the intentions of the young lady her son has eyes for.”

“I have more than eyes for you, baby,” I groan in her ear and watch her body roll with shivers.

We stare at one another for another moment while Cat says her goodbyes to Hayes and Day.

“I think Cat and Hayes have googly eyes for one another,” her voice is low so that they don’t hear us talk about them.

“Yeah,” I agree. “I thought the same. Even said somethin’ to Hayes about it and he admitted he was crushin’ on her.”

We smile and decide to just sit back and watch where it goes.

“Hey Cam,” Hayes shouts from the other side of the car. “You comin’ to help us out this week? We sure could use ya.”

“Yes. I’m so excited. Just tell me when and what I should prepare for.”

Hayes gives her a thumbs up and shuts the passenger door after Cat has sat down.

“I better go. I’ll call you tonight.”

“It is tonight,” she quips.

“Later tonight, smartass.” I tickle her sides and she giggles. “We can talk details about tomorrow.”

“‘K.” Her voice is a breathy rasp. “Bye Vaughan.”

“Bye Sunshine.” I kiss her once more –PG version– and wait until she’s buckled before closing her in and waving goodbye.

I grab Dagen’s hand and pull her in the direction of our truck. “C’mon little lady. Time to go. Wanna grab some burgers on the way home?”

“Yes, please. I’m starving,” she exaggerates, dragging her feet as we walk.

“How in the world are you starving? You had a hot dog, cotton candy, peanuts and copious amounts of soda,” Hayes says, teasing her.

“That was like, an hour ago Uncle Hayes. I’m a growin’ girl and need my nutrients.” She flips her now less than wavy hair over her shoulder.

“There was nothin’ nutritious' about what you just inhaled.”

“You hush your mouth, Uncle Hayes.” The little sass.

We reach the truck and I click the fob to unlock the doors and lift Day up, plopping her inside.

“Glad you had a good time,” I tell her.

“The best, dad. When can we see Cami again?”

“Soon, baby bird. Real soon.”

Thirty-Four

CAMILLE

I ’ve barely showered the sweat from the game off of me when I get an incoming FaceTime call. The caller ID shows CeCe Desai and one other. I settle back against my pillows, not bothering to change out of my robe or caring that my hair is wrapped up in a turban.

I answer and see the faces of my best friends fill the screen.

“Okay. Spill,” CeCe demands, not even giving me the chance to say hello.

“Oh, hi Cecilia. How are you? Thanks for the tickets and food and drinks. It was so very generous of you.”

“Yeah, yeah. You’re welcome. Now give us the details.” She rolls her hand, urging me to move things along.

I sigh and take a closer look at the screen. “Viv, are you driving?” I admonish.

“Yes, but I have it in the holder and I’m watching the road. I'm just listening. Promise.

“You better, Vivian Rhona.”

“Oh God. Please don’t use that name. It makes me feel old.” CeCe and I like to tease her about her very Scottish name from her very Scottish grandmother.

“Will you quit stalling and get on with it? Did he take you to bone town or what?” CeCe’s eyes bug out with annoyance.

“God you’re crude.” She rolls her eyes and I give them a few details to curb their thirst. “We went to dinner at Italia Sud. It was fantastic. And before you ask, I had Beef Braciole and went easy on the pasta.”

“She knew she was gettin’ railed if she laid off the carbs,” Viv practically shouts into her car's speakers.

“Anyway,” I draw out. “Afterwards, we went to the lake and just talked. Then…we…came back to my house and called it a night. That was it.”

“Bullshit,” CeCe protests and Viv yells, “Bitch, quit lying.”

“Ugh! Okay, okay. But I didn’t tell Cat much more than that and she made me promise I’d tell all of you together.”

“Then call her.” Vivian is all sass and if I could see her face, she’d be giving me a classic ‘don’t be stupid’ look.

“Fine. Hold on.” I pause our conversation and add Cat to the group.

“Are they on?” she asks, panting like she was running through the streets.

“Yes. I’ll bring them on.” I click a few buttons and we’re all on the screen, tiny squares of our faces like we’re some sort of whacked out Brady Bunch.

With a sigh, I continue with my story. Telling them all about our rush to rid each other’s clothes, Vaughan’s confession to which they replied, “holy shit” and “wow”. I told them about the shower, the middle of the night feast, and Cat had already happily filled them in on what she saw this morning.

“Oh my gosh, Cat. Did you get a good look at his dick?” CeCe asks with rapt attention.

“Kinda, but he had on black boxer briefs and covered himself up as soon as Cam’s flirty robe flew open.”

“You guys! I’m right here. Quite talking about his junk,” I scold them.

Cat laughs saucily. “I’d hardly call that junk, honey. From what I could tell, he was packing some major–”

“Okay,” I yell. “That’s enough of that. I’ve shared a helluva lot. Can we at least not discuss the size of his dick?”

“Fine.”

“Boo.”

“Prude.”

Why am I friends with them?

“So,” Viv says, with a seriousness to her tone. “You really believe him?”

I gulp down the last of my fears and nod. “Yeah. I do. I mean…that would be one elaborate and manipulative lie if it wasn’t the truth.”

“Agreed,” Cat says.

“We don’t know everything, but Bishop told us enough to fill in the rest of it.” CeCe shakes her head, her eyes full of compassion.

The line stays quiet for a few seconds when Viv finally pipes up.

“Listen. I know she’s no longer with us –may she rest in peace– but if that woman was still alive, I’d drag her over hot coals by her hair.”

“Vivian!” I exclaim.

“Forgive me Lord,” she adds.

“That does not erase all sin, Vivan.”

“But it helps.” She pulls the phone from its carrier and flashes us a giant smile.

“You three are evil.”

We laugh and talk for a few more minutes before hanging up and I settle into bed, waiting for my phone call from Vaughan.

The next morning, I’m up and at ‘em before the sun rises to get ready for my first day on the ranch.

Vaughan and I decided that I would get there around eight since they didn’t have any day campers scheduled, only a few trail riders. He told me I’d tag along with them to get the gist of how they manage everything.

He then told me I could help out a couple of his workers with the shooting field and archery. To say I was excited about getting my hands on a bow and arrow would be an understatement.

Growing up in Texas, I’ve shot a gun more times than not. But I’ve never tried archery and I couldn’t wait to give it a try.

I pull up to Vaughan’s and park on the side of his large garage like he told me to, and step out. I hadn't even made it to the front door when Vaughan and Dagen came running from the side of the house. Well, Dagen came running. Vaughan just swaggered over, all sexy and confident.

“Mornin’,” he calls out.

“Hi,” I huff out as Dagen collides with me, hugging me tightly. “Hey sweetheart. You ready to show me the ropes around here?”

“Uh huh. We are going to have so much fun. You can ride Lady Arabella again and I’ll give you the best bow to practice on. It’s easy ‘cause it’s all broken in. The bowstring is looser. Uncle Hayes broke it in.”

“Sounds good. I can’t wait.”

Vaughan finally joins us and pulls me to him. “Hey, sunshine.” His voice tickles my ear and I’m already starting off the morning thinking about him naked.

“You smell good,” I breathe.

He cocks a questioning eyebrow. “What?”

“You do. Like man and sunshine and sweat and dirt.”

He throws his head back in laughter and I admire his thick neck, wishing Dagen wasn’t right here so I could lick it.

Geez, I was really sex deprived if I can’t stop thinking of him as my personal treat.

“You’re a hoot, sunshine.” He gives a quick kiss and holds my hand. “Time to get started. Get that hat on and move your sweet ass.”

My eyes widen when he says that and I immediately look for Dagen, but she’s already walking back to the barn.

The day was fantastic. Being out in the Texas sun, riding horses on the trail, and shooting guns at tin cans like we did when we were younger.

Dagen stuck close to my side most of the day, and we talked about everything from her hobbies, hairstyles and even boys —we had to be secretive about that.

When the last family was gone and we’d eaten dinner that Vaughan insisted I stay for, Dagen was sent upstairs for a shower and bedtime.

“Cami,” she called out from the bottom of the stairs. “Could you, maybe, um…braid my hair for bed?”

A warm, slow smile climbed across my face and my heart practically exploded with joy.

For so long I had wished for a child of my own. One that I could sing lullabies to and push on the swings. And while Dagen isn’t mine —and maybe she never will be— she has filled that little empty spot that still has me wishing she was.

“Absolutely, sweetheart.” I stand from the sofa where I sit next to Vaughan. “Be right back.”

“Hurry,” he says and smacks my butt as I walk away.

I walk into Dagen’s room and gasp at what I saw. She wasn’t a total girly girl so I wasn’t surprised to see her room painted in a soft yellow. Her bed was covered in a quilt decorated with wildflowers in muted yellows, pinks, purples and blues.

A white bookshelf sat in the corner filled to the brim with books, and a cozy chair was parked next to it. Her closet door was partially open and I spied hangers full of everything from dresses to dusty boots and jeans. But what most caught my attention was the detailed mural along her widest wall.

A field of bluebonnets sat like rolling waves. A realistic sun cast bright rays across the land. And two horses ran side by side, their manes flowing in the breeze. I step closer and run my fingers across the intricate painting and admire all the little details.

“That’s Lady Arabella and Thunder Prince,” she says about the two horses. “Daddy said they were meant to be together and that one couldn’t live without the other. That’s why we have them next to each other. So they won’t be lonely.”

Lord, if that wasn’t a metaphor for my life right now.

“It’s amazing, Dagen. I love it.” I turn around and see her sitting on the edge of her bed, a brush and rubber band in her hand. “You’re a lucky little lady to have such a beautiful thing in your room.”

“Yeah. Daddy said it’s ‘cause I’m his princess and I deserve anything and everything. Though, he says no a lot.” I chuckle and walk to where she sits.

“Lemme get this beautiful hair braided so you can hit the sack.”

I went about brushing out tangles until her glossy dark hair was smooth, then braided into two tight plaits.

“There,” I tell her when I’m finished.

She pats her hand down each braid and looks over her shoulder to smile at me.

“Thank you, Cami.” She hops off the bed and sets the brush down on her dresser.

I pull the quilt and sheets up for her and she climbs in. I tuck her in tight and she giggles and wiggles.

“Thanks for today, Cami. It was the best day since…yesterday!” She shouts at an indoor voice octave.

“Me, too. I’ll be back tomorrow to help. Your dad said there are lots of kids coming for riding and archery lessons.”

I watch her as her eyes grow a little glossy and she gives me a small smile.

“I really miss my mom,” she whispers and I stroke her damp braids. “I’ve wished for a new mommy for every birthday since.”

My throat grows tight and I have to clench my jaw to stop the tears from falling.

“I don’t want to forget about my mom,” my eyes glance at the picture of her and what I’m assuming is her mom on her nightstand, but don’t focus too long on it. “I just really want someone who can do mom things with me. You know, like going shopping and getting our nails done. And…a mommy I can see on Mother’s Day and stuff.” Her voice trails off and my hold breaks.

I lean down and kiss her forehead. “I hope that one day your wish will come true because you’re a pretty amazing kid and any woman would be proud to call you her daughter.”

She smiles up at me and the spark of hope in her eyes makes my heart dance. This little girl deserves to have a mom in her life to spoil her and guide her and love her like only a mom can.

“Me, too.” Her eyes grow heavy and her blinks turn slow. “G’night Cami. See you tomorrow.” She yawns and dozes off quickly.

I step out of her room and close the door quietly behind me. I swipe away the last of my tears and place a hand over my heart.

Me, too, sweet girl. Me, too.

Thirty-Five

VAUGHAN

I  heard Cami’s footsteps as she descended from the stairs. I stand and round the couch to finally pull her into my arms the way I’d been dying to all day.

She wraps her arms around me and holds on like I was a life preserver.

I kiss the spot below her ear that she loves so much. When I step back just a hair to look at her face, I see her eyes glistening with tears.

“Baby. What’s wrong?” I scoop her up in my arms and carry her to the couch and sit down with her in my lap.

She shakes her head and sniffles. “Just,” she rolls her lips between her teeth and closes her eyes. “Dagen said something and it…it hurt my heart a little.”

“What did she say?” Worry etches my face that Day might’ve told Cami she didn’t want her around.

“She-she said that she wishes for a new mom every birthday ‘cause she wants to be able to see her on Mother’s Day.” She cries a little harder and I feel an ache deep in my soul that I thought had eased.

Waves of guilt wash over me wishing Camille was Dagen’s mom —like she should’ve been— and that none of us were going through this.

Losing Steph was gut wrenching for Day. It felt like the end of her world. And in some respect it was. The end that revolved around their slice of happiness.

Regardless of my feelings for Steph, I never wanted my child to be motherless. Hearing what she wishes for when she blows out her birthday candles is enough to make me want to rewind time and find out about the cancer sooner.

It wouldn’t have changed the outcome between her and I because I was already two feet out the door. But my daughter's heart wouldn’t break over and over again when she witnesses a mother and her child sharing moments that only they can.

I kiss Cami’s head and pull her tighter to me. “I hate that when she should be wishing for dolls or makeup like most little girls, she’s begging for a mom to come back into her life.”

Cami sinks further into my embrace and I breathe her in. “Take a walk with me?” I ask.

“What about Dagen!”

“She sleeps hard. I’ll be sure to lock the doors and set the alarm. We won’t go far.”

She nods and I stand with her still in my arms.

“Vaughan, put me down,” she laughs softly as I walk towards the back doors.

I place her gently on her feet and take her hand in mine. I set the alarm and lock up just like I said, and I lead her to the barn.

The night air is muggy and thick which normally makes my breathing somewhat labored in the heat of the night. But with Camille by my side, it feels like the oxygen I have been deprived of for so long is back and my mask of fresh air.

We hold hands as we walk along the worn path to the barn. Our soundtrack is the creatures that roam under the moonlight, and I feel like we’re back to where we started the first time around.

I push open the doors and they quietly creak open. I take extra caution to be as quiet as possible, not wanting to disturb the sleeping occupants. Cami follows my lead and we both creep in. The door remains open so that we have a hint of light from the moon and the solar lights that lit up a small path.

We move slowly, our steps light, as I pull us to an empty stall. Only hay and a few extra tools are in it. I find an extra blanket that we have for the horses and lay it out for us to sit on. I sit down then hold my hand for Cami, helping her down gently.

When she’s seated, I tug her close and keep her in my embrace. It’s a comfort to both her and I.

With a deep breath she begins to relax, her earlier cries now gone. “I’m sorry I broke down like that,” she whispers. “It was just a lot to hear from a girl so young and I guess…I guess it just hit me harder than I would ever expect.”

“Don’t apologize. I know what it feels like when she talks like that. I have an extreme amount of guilt over everything, even though I had nothing to do with what happened to her. Still…I wish I could give her the kind of childhood that every kid should have. And that includes a mother figure to be there when dad just doesn’t cut it.” I snort softly and pull a smile from her.

She stays quiet and I kiss her temple and feel her melt further into me. “I wish I had a daughter like her. I wanted nothing more than to be a mom. Robbie just never felt that it was the right time for us. Guess I know why, now.”

I watch her pluck a piece of hay from the bale and twist it between nervous fingers. I stroke her hair and move it behind her and away to expose her neck. Kissing her gently, I rasp, “I’d give anything for you to be Day’s mom. I’d give anything for you to be all of our kids' mothers. In my dreams, you are.”

I feel her muscles tense and her body shakes as she takes in stuttered breaths. “She was so sad, Vaughan,” she replies, skipping over the bit about her bearing our children. “She was happy and sweet but still sad. I just hate that all your beautiful daughter wants is a mom. You are a wonderful father, Vaughan, but I can’t imagine what it’s like to not have that female bond. And for you, I can’t imagine not having a partner to help share the weight of raising a child.”

I search her eyes and find pure sincerity. “I could have a partner. Once that both Day and I would love. One that would help her not miss out on knowing that kind of love in her life, and one that will do the same for me.”

“Vaughan,” her voice whispers caution. “You shouldn’t be talking like that.”

“Why not?”

She sighs and pulls out of my arms and turns to face me. “Because we’ve only just begun. Again. And I’m not ready to talk about things like that. There’s still so much that we need to handle with care. Mainly the fact that I’m still reeling from the loss of my husband. I can’t allow myself to think that far in the future.”

“Who said I was thinking far in the future? I say this with complete clarity. I’d marry you right now if you said yes. I don’t want anyone else. I don’t need time to think about it. I’m all in. I always have been.”

She pushes away from and stands. “But I moved on with my life. You went on with yours and I found someone else to love me when you didn’t.”

Anger flares causing me to jump to my feet. “Hold on a sec. At no time was there a moment that I didn’t love you. You’re all I’ve ever loved. And yes, the way our lives took a turn was not planned and unexpected. But don’t you think there’s something that has brought us back to each other? I lost the one person who was keeping me from being with you, and you lost your husband which allowed you to come back to me.”

“Oh. So you think some divine power had a hand in Robbie killing himself? All so that I could run back to you?”

“No. God, no, Cami.” I lunge at her and cup her face in my hands. “My heart aches that you lost such a great love. And if he was here today and making you happy, then I could go on in my life knowing that. Your happiness is all I’ve ever wanted. It’s just…how is it that after all of these years, we’re back here? Both of us suffering the same type of loss, you finally giving me the chance to explain what happened all of those years ago. The connection you and Dagen already share. Something out there recognized our shared pain and knew that we needed each other to heal. Dagen needs you, and you need her, too. And me…the way you love is all I’ll ever need.”

My chest is heaving by the time I’m finished. My hands shake as they hold her face and her eyes are brimming with tears. I fear that I’ve gone too far. But I had to let it all out. I prayed and prayed –on my knees, on my feet– for one more chance with her. I promised that I would never let her go or let anything come between us, again. However we got here, heartbreaking as it might be, we were meant to be.

No matter what has happened in our lives, I truly believe that eventually we would’ve found our way back.

I hear the clicking of my jaw as I clench it. “Ca–”

My words are stolen from me when she throws herself into my arms and takes my mouth with a fervor I haven’t experienced before. We always had passion and lust, but this is so much more.

It’s years of pent up, burning desire. Repressed love that was kept locked up tight. And like the branch that broke the weakly held dam, everything that was holding her back bursts.

I lift her up by her plump ass and she wraps her legs around my waist. I’ve been hard since the moment we walked into the barn. But now I feel like I’m trying to contain a steel beam in my pants.

We’re lost in the kiss. The dance our tongues make is in perfect rhythm. How our bodies talk without words. The perfect language that only we know.

She moans into my mouth and I eat it like the sweetest dessert. I slowly lower us to sit back on the blanket and settle Cami to straddle my lap. She grinds her hips and the friction of her hot core against mine is bliss.

“Fuuuck, Cam. I want to be inside of you.”

“Yes,” she breathes against my lips and immediately begins to roll my shirt up by the hem.

I’m not about to look a gift horse in the mouth and reach behind me, yanking my shirt off by the collar. Our lips briefly disconnect but collide again as soon as I’m freed.

We fumble with our boots, helping tug each other’s off and laughing while we do it. But the second we have them thrown in the corner, we attack the remaining clothes that separate our skin from feeling the other’s heat.

When we’re free of shirts and jeans, I sit in no more than my boxer briefs and Cami in her lace panties and bra.

I admire this gorgeous beauty before me and send a thank you out into the world. My hands cup her heavy breasts and my thumbs rub over her sensitive, pebbled nipples. Her head drops back and she deliquesces into my palms.

Flicking the cups of her bra down to release her breasts, I latch onto one and savor the taste.

“No time. I need you now,” her husky voice is wanton and I happily oblige.

I rip off her panties, she tugs on mine, until we both sit nude…in a horse stall on top of a blanket in the relative dark.

Cami nudges me back until I lay flat and she adjusts herself, one knee on either side of my hips. I’m so fucking hard she doesn’t even need to hold the base when she lowers herself down.

We both moan in ecstasy when I’m seated to the hilt. Our panting breaths sound as one and the world seems to stop at the moment we connect. Just like our hearts, it skips a beat then spins back into a furious twirl.

Her hands land on my chest and she slowly lifts until only my tip rests inside of her. The amber of her eyes intensifies just as she crashes down on me. My head digs into the rough blanket that covers the bed of hay, but I can only focus on the woman who is stealing my heart all over again.

Her hips roll and soon we find a cadence as I rock to meet her thrusts. My fingers bore into her supple curves and I hiss when I feel her start to rub harder.

“You getting close, baby?” I ask and she nods. “I can feel your sweet pussy growing wetter and tighter. Fuck, you feel so good.”

She cries out, grinding against me. Her voice mewls and keen and I grunt, finding purchase in her perfect body. I slip a hand between us and stroke her swollen clit. “Oh my God. Yes. Like that.” Her wails echoe against the barn walls and I hear the horses neigh.

She’s like a storm and her howls a warning of the impending combustion. The horses can feel the change in the atmosphere, the rise in the temperature, and I’m welcoming the lightning strike with ready and waiting arms.

She moves faster and pinches her nub. That’s all it takes to have her shattering into pieces. Her body stills as sobs of elation float from her mouth. I bring her chest to my mouth and suck her nipple into my mouth. I remember how much she loved them to be teased while she was coming. She said it sent ripples of aftershocks through her.

When her eyes open they’re wild. I smirk knowing I could pull one more from her. I flip us and brace my hand under her to soften the fall.

“Let’s see if we can get you to scream my name this time,” I growl into her ear.

“I…I can’t…”

“You can, baby. I know you can.” With that, I lift her leg over my shoulder and drive deep.

“Goddamn, you feel so good. I want to crawl inside that sweet pussy and live there.” Harder I pump, making sure to give her that delicious friction she needs.

She’s hypersensitive after the orgasm and it won’t take much to have her coming on my cock a second time.

Her leg wraps around my waist and yanks me closer until we practically fuse together. “Oh my God, Vaughan. Fuck me right there. Harder, please.”

She begs but I’m the one who is eating out of her hand. I pound into her with everything I have. The tingle at the base of my spine tells me I am dangerously close to bursting.

I pick up my pace and my balls tighten. “Fuck, baby. I need you to come. I’m close.”

“I’m…I’m…” her words are cut off as a second wave of euphoria runs through her. “Vaughan, oh God. So…so good.”

I can hold on no longer. I let go of that last thread tethering me to earth and plummet into a sea of exultation. “Cami, fuuuuck.”

I feel her body turn to jelly when her orgasm subsides. I, myself, feel boneless.

I gazed into her eyes and we smiled. I bent my head, my softening cock still inside of her, and take her mouth in a slow kiss. Just like our earlier kiss was the starting gun to our frantic and passionate race, this one seals our union.

Tenderly I pull out of her. I see a slight wince in her features but it quickly vanishes.

“I think I have a hay burn on my butt,” she jokes.

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure I got a piece of it stuck up mine.” She laughs and pushes up on her elbows.

I beam down at her lovingly and feel my heart multiply with the amount of love I have for this woman.

“I love you, Camille.”

“Vaughan.” She hesitates and I see something waver in her.

“You don’t have to say anything back. Not until you’re ready. Just know that you are my entire world and I love you more than my next breath. You are the air that feeds my body.”

A single tear trails down her cheek and a blissful smile tells me everything is going to be just fine.

Thirty-Six

CAMILLE

T wo weeks passed and then three and everyday was better than the next.

I helped out at the ranch and loved every minute. When I wasn’t busy working with the horses, Hayes had me out on the shooting range, or Dagen was begging me to practice archery.

When the day wound down, we would share a meal around the table. Sometimes it was just the three of us –Dagen, Vaughan and me– and other times Hayes stayed or even one of his workers. We enjoyed simple conversations and reveled in the laughter.

Dagen and I grew closer and I prayed that I would never break her heart. She was special to me and I couldn’t imagine either one of us would be okay if we lost the other.

And under the cover of darkness, Vaughan and I spent many moments wrapped up in each other. When Dagen drifted off to sleep, we would tiptoe into his office where I fucked him in his big chair. We found purchase in each other while he held me against the locked door in the laundry room. Once we even snuck into his truck in the garage and made love laid out on his backseat, just like the first time.

When the weekends came we spent time doing things with Dagen. I wanted her included in all that she could be and not stuck with her grandparents or uncle while we fucked like animals in heat.

One Saturday was spent at my house where we invited my family over to swim and barbeque. My parents loved Dagen –as I had known they would. Dagen fussed over Maddie and took to her like they’d never spent a day apart. Mom and Dad picked right up with Vaughan as if a single day hadn’t been lost. Dre shared beers with Vaughan and apologized to him for, what I didn’t know at the time, was a hard fist to the jaw after we broke up.

We had Sunday night dinner with Vaughan’s family and it was just like it used to be. Maxine’s southern cooking followed by dessert and board games. We felt like kids again with the exception that Vaughan now had a kid himself.

Life was utterly sublime. I had even started to feel weight of the anger over Robbie’s suicide and the guilt of being so happy with Vaughan begin to lift. We were spending every free minute with each other and fast tracking the last twelve years apart.

Which is why I currently found myself on the receiving end of a best friend text attack. I had abandoned my friendships for a man.

Viv: Yo ho! What’re the plans for 2nite?

Me: Vivian Rhona. Speak like the highly educated journalist you are and not a thirteen year old boy.

CeCe: OMGaaaah! She even types like an old lady.<old lady emoji>

Cat: Try living with her your entire life. It was like living with a freaking english teacher. <mean teacher gif>

Me: Seriously? You guys are ridic. Is that better?

I was met with silence for several minutes while the message displayed read. I waited for those jerks as I knew they were concocting a comeback.

Cat: Poser

Viv: LAME-O

CeCe: <nerd gif>

Me: You guys are the worst. I was going to suggest a girls night out but forget it now. I’ll just go to Vaughan’s.

I snort to myself because it’s a total lie. I only said that to get them off my case about spending so much time with Vaughan.

CeCe: NO! Stay away from the hypno-dick.

Cat: Give the guys wiener a break…before you break it.

Viv: Yes to girls night. I need some deets on all the latest chitty chitty bang bang. I’m currently as dry as the fucking Sahara. I could use a little moisture.

CeCe: Eeww Viv. Don’t say anything with the word moist.

Cat: Ok. Where are we going? And are we going to drink or are we going to drank? I need to know how to dress.

Viv: Oh yes! I need some cocktails…hold the tail. <sticking out tongue emoji>

CeCe: I need a margarita because unlike a man, it hits the spot everytime. <O face gif>

Me: Speak for yourself. A margarita ain’t got nothing on Vaughan. <wink emoji>

Viv: Daaaayyum!

Cat: Say goodbye to Timid Tammy and say hello to Dirty Diana.

CeCe: That’s what I’m sayin’. Meet at Viv’s at 7.

After a short battle that I wouldn’t be able to go tonight, I finally relented and caved to their demands. We signed off with our standard goodbye’s and I wandered into my closet for an appropriate girl’s night out look that said I was here to have fun but had a man taking care of me at home.

I was flipping through dresses when my phone rang and a picture of Vaughan graced the screen.

“Hey there cowboy,” I purred.

“Did I just call the phone sex hotline by accident because you sound like a good time?”

“Oh my God,” I choked out in laughter. “That one was so bad, Vaughan. Have you had that sitting in your back pocket since high school.”

He chuckled and I heard a door click on the other end. “Yeah, that was pretty cheesy. But you gotta admit, it was also kinda good.”

“Sure, baby. Whatever makes you feel better.” I pulled out a short black dress but it was too depressing for a fun night out. Sticking it back I sorted through the hangers for another.

“What time will you be here? I want to make sure Day is ready to go.”

Vaughan and I had been spending so much time together that I thought it was only right to spend some solo time with Dagen. Just us girls. Mani’s, pedi’s, and a little shopping. Sort of a pre-birthday day for just her and I.

“Yup. I was just picking out something for tonight. The girls and I are going out since they’re complaining that you stole me.” With my phone resting between my ear and shoulder, I pulled another dress out but it didn’t seem quite right.

I spotted a pair of wide leg trousers that have been collecting dust at the back of my closet for quite some time and decided they'd be perfect with my emerald green off the shoulder satin top. Cute stilettos and red lips will look amazing. So great that I’ll be sad to waste it on the girls.

“You’re going out with the girls?” I didn’t miss the disappointment in his voice. “I was kinda hoping you’d like to stay for dinner.”

I sighed and flopped down on the tufted bench in the middle of my large closet. “I’m sorry. They ganged up on me. I had little chance of getting out of it.” I stayed silent for a beat as did he. “I can cancel if you want. It’s really no big–”

“No, sunshine. You should definitely go. I’ve been monopolizing your time. I’m being selfish, but I just hate sharing you now that I’ve got you back.”

I smiled to myself with a small grin. Vaughan has always been swoony, but it seemed to be multiplied now that we were grown. Or maybe it’s just that I’ve been without it so long that it seems to be surrounding me like a warm summer day.

“I doubt we’ll be out late. I’m kinda pooped after this week and Viv and CeCe have a game tomorrow.”

“As long as you have fun, baby. That’s all I want. You happy.”

“I am,” I choked out. And for the first time in almost a year…I meant it.

“Aaahhh. This is the life.” Dagen sighs and rests her head against the cushioned headrest as she soaks her feet in the warm, oil infused water.

“Sure is, kiddo.” I wiggle my toes in my own bubbly water and relax after an exhausting few weeks at the ranch. “Have you enjoyed yourself so far, sweet girl?”

With her eyes still closed she nods. “So much. Thank you, Cami, for taking me on a girls day. Gran and I have girl’s days too, but this is different.”

“How so?” I ask.

She sighs loudly then opens her eyes to look at me. “‘Cause this is like a mom and daughter type thing. At least I think it is. I never had these types of mom-daughter days with my mom.”

My nose begins to sting and I blink rapidly to stop the tears from falling. I clear my throat and try to make this all about her and not about what I’m missing or wishing.

“What, um…what kind of things did you do with your mom?”

Her eyes light up and I’m graced with a crooked grin. “We would bake and paint and sometimes just lay in the backyard watching fluffy clouds. We neve got to do spa days.”

“That sounds pretty amazing. You had a good mommy.” She nods and her face falls to admire her newly painted nails, but with a somber expression. “You are a lucky young lady to have had such a great mom. And even though she isn’t here, you’ll always have the memories. And you can always meet her in your dreams.”

Her bottom lip trembles and a tear escapes from the corner of her eye. I reach over and wipe it off, my own making a run over the weak border I tried to hold it back with.

“Cami,” she sniffles. “I really like having you around. You make me feel special. And you make daddy really happy. And I know…”

She trails off and I wait for her to gather her thoughts. When she stays silent for a moment longer I finally ask her.

“You know what, sweetheart?”

She looks at me with sincerity and joy in her eyes. “I know daddy loves you.” My breath catches in an audible gasp.

“Wh-why do you say that?” I know Vaughan has told me many times that he loves me. But has also spoken to Dagen about it?

“Well,” she starts. “He has those pictures of you on his computer that say ‘my sunshine’ and he calls you that. And one time I saw him looking at the picture in his bedroom of the two of you and he looked like he might cry. Like he missed ya.”

“What picture? And when did your dad cry?” I may be stepping over the line a little by asking something so personal, but she volunteered ninety percent of the information. I’m just trying to get a clear picture.

She twists her lips, unsure of how much she wants to tell me. “He has a picture in his nightstand drawer. Y’all look really young so it must’ve been before me. You guys are laughing and dancing. When we first moved here, after my mom…”

I nod and squeeze her hand letting her know it’s okay to not say the words. Lord knows it’s difficult some days for me to even think about Robbie not being here.

“Well, I remember needin’ somethin’ to eat and went to find dad to help me. When I found him in his room, he was just sittin’ on the bed looking at that picture. I said his name and when he saw me it looked like he’d been cryin’.”

Her words gut me thinking about her recognizing the pain in his eyes.

“Maybe it was a picture of your mom.”

She shakes her head. “No. I’ve seen it again. I…don’t tell daddy, ‘k?” I nod but feel like if what she tells me next may be dangerous, I will have to break my promise to her and spill. “He has lots of photos of you. In his wallet, his computer, his drawer. He even has a photo album of you two from like, dances and stuff that he hides. I know about ‘em ‘cause I found them when I was looking for pictures of my mom.”

My chest begins to ache and my throat feels too tight to breathe. I get a pounding in my head that I can only attribute to hearing the heartache in her voice. She misses her mom so badly and I feel like a huge jerk for spending time with a girl that doesn’t belong to me. I’m taking joy in having these moments with her when I have no right to claim them.

My stomach sinks and I just want to crawl into bed and mourn everything I don’t have, won’t have, and what I’ll lose by letting go of this sweet girl and her dad if I can’t get over feeling like the other woman.

“I didn’t find any of mom, but I found a lot of you. That’s how I know he really loves you.”

I swallow, my throat narrow making it difficult to push the lump through. “Are–are you okay with that? I mean, does it bother you? To know that your dad…loves me?”

Again, she shakes her head but this time it doesn't seem sad. “Nuh uh. It makes me kinda happy. I don’t like seeing him sad, and he’s not sad anymore.”

I take a deep, fortifying breath and steady my nerves. “Dagen,” I start. “I want you to know something. I absolutely love spending time with you. And your dad. Today has been a really good one for me. But I don’t want you to think for one second that I am trying to replace your mom. Your dad and I…we haven’t really talked much about the future. Just know that I wouldn’t never try to fill a spot that only a mom, your mom, can fill. I only want to be a part of your life for as long as you’ll let me.”

Her lips tremble and her beautiful green eyes start to glisten. “B-but what if I-I wanted you to b-be my mom?”

Oh Lord. That tightness in my throat I felt earlier is now a crushing hold. It’s been a month since Vaughan and I have started up again, and Dagen is already thinking about me stepping into that mother role for her. Has he told her things? Led her to believe we are headed in that direction?

“Dagen…” I sigh.

“But I love you, Cami. And if I could have anyone to be my new mom, it would be you.” A couple of tears escape her eyes and mine follow right behind.

“I love you, too, Dagen. You are the most special girl to me and I promise to always be here for you. No matter what.”

She nods and gives me a watery smile. I want so badly to reach out and hug her, but with our position in these chairs making it difficult–our feet in tubs and two women working hard to make them feel soft and pretty– so I settle for holding her hand to her. She takes my hand with her small one and I squeeze it three times.

She looks at me curiously and I tell her, “that’s called a love squeeze. Sometimes when words were difficult for my brother and sister and me to say, we’d give each other a squeeze. When we were scared and needed a little bravery, we’d give a squeeze. When one of us had hurt the other and apologizing with the words ‘I’m sorry’ wouldn’t come out…”

“You gave a squeeze,” she says, finishing my sentence and I nod.

“Yup. But we also used it when one of us was feeling sad or lonely. It was how we communicated without saying the words. And now I want to share that with you. If you need someone, if you’re feeling sad, or just want to tell me you’re happy, just give me a squeeze and I’ll be right there for you.”

Her tears finally stop and are replaced with the most delightful smile.

“Okay, Cami. I like that.”

“Me too, sweetheart.”

The rest of our afternoon is much more lighthearted as we let the heaviness of love and people lost fade into the background to deal with another day.

Thirty-Seven

VAUGHAN

“B ish, are you sure we should be doing this?” I scratch the back of my neck once more as I debate if going out tonight is really a good idea.

“Vaughan. C’mon man. Why are you being a little bitch about it?” He stands over by his bike waiting for me to mount mine so we can leave.

I scrub a hand over my face and blow out a big breath. “Don’t you think if she wanted me there she would’ve invited me herself?”

“If they didn’t want us there, then why in the hell did Cat tell Hayes where they were going and what time they’d be going?” He holds his arms out wide and shakes his head as if to say duh.

While Day was having her girls day with Cami, Bishop texted telling me to find a sitter for her because we were going out. I wasn’t really feeling it since I just wanted to sit home and pout over the fact that I wasn’t going to see Cami for another two days. But Bish insisted that we needed to go.

I took it as a sign when Day’s best friend's mom called me to ask if she could spend the night and go with them to the beach tomorrow. Since there was no way I would turn that down and allow Dagen to miss out on a day of fun, I relented to Bishop and now, here I stand, hemming and hawing over whether or not it’s a good idea for us to show up unexpected at the same bar that the girls will be at.

Cam told me she’d cancel if I wanted her to, but there was no way I’d tell her what to do. Plus, I could tell she was kinda excited about spending some time with her friends. Now I feel like an unwanted guest about to crash their party.

“Quit pouting. You know you want to go. You and Cam have practically been attached at the hip for the past month, I doubt that not seeing her tonight is sitting well with you.” I winced knowing he’s right.

With a sigh, I tell him, “Fine. Let’s go. But I swear to God, Bish. If she gets pissed when we show up, I’m telling her it was all your idea.”

He smiles. “And I’ll tell her it was all Hayes. When in doubt, blame the little bro.”

I laugh and shake my head. “C’mon.”

We both slip on our riding jackets, secure our helmets, and rev our engines before pulling out of my driveway.

On our bikes we arrive at the bar quicker than we would driving my truck, and find Hayes waiting for us. We both park in a single space and shut off our bikes and begin the task of taking off our helmets and storing them.

“About time,” Hayes shouts as he walks over to us. “I was starting to think you bitched out on me.”

Bishop hooks his thumb at me. “This one almost did. He thinks Cam will be pissed.”

“Nah, man,” Hayes reassures me. “I bet more than anything she’ll be fucking thrilled to see you. Cat texted me that she’s been a Debbie Downer since they got here.”

I raise my eyebrows as a smug grin finds me. “You and Cat sure have been talking a lot.”

“I mean, I guess. It’s nothing. Just friends talkin’.”

“Suuure. If that’s what you kids are calling it these days.” I smack him on the arm with the back of my hand.

“Fuck off,” he growls.

“Can we go inside please? I've been sweating my ass off for the last thirty minutes and I need a drink.” Bishop rips his arms from his jacket and wipes the sweat from his forehead.

We follow behind Hayes as we reach the entrance. I’m nervous about what to expect so I hang back a bit from the others. I need a few extra seconds to prepare myself for the heat I’m gonna feel if Cami is mad about us being here.

We walk into the dimly lit bar and immediately hear the thumping bass of a song that I don’t recognize or care to. I could never understand how Cam and her friends could listen to that electronic dance crap. But whenever I’d see her dancing to it, the swing of her hips, the way she’d dip low and roll her body up, I couldn’t care if they were playing gospel music so long as she did that.

It’s loud and crowded and I already want to find her, scoop her up, and take her home where we can cuddle in bed and do anything but this.

Home. Damn how I wish it was ours. Just like we planned all those years ago.

One day, Vaughan. Just be patient.

I feel an elbow nudge my side and look over to Bishop. He nods his chin and I follow the direction. When I spot her it’s like everything else fades and I can only see her.

Her body sways from side to side as she holds one arm up in the air, the other draped on the shoulder of Vivian as they dance. Viv says something and Cami throws her head back in laughter. The curve of her neck drives me mad. I’m dying to lick the salt off of it and dig my teeth into the sensitive spot at the base of her neck.

I push my way through the crowd, feeling like a fish swimming upstream, but I don’t let it deter me from my end goal. I continue to watch and scan her from head to toes and back up again. I notice that she’s in trousers and I thank fuck she is because I need her ont he back of my bike asap and into my bed.

I inch closer but she doesn’t see me which is just the way I want it. Viv hasn’t spotted me yet, either, so this will be a complete surprise attack.

I give a few sorry’s and excuse me’s as I wedge between the slick bodies dancing. I reach the spot that the two of them have claimed as their own and slip behind my girl. Vivian finally sees me but it’s too late to warn Cami.

My hands grip her waist and I pull her back against my chest.

“Hey asshole. Back the fu–” The protest dies on her lips when she spins around and sees me, her hand poised and ready to strike the stranger she thought was getting too handsy.

“Hi sunshine,” I whisper, my lips brushing the shell of her ear.

Her look of astonishment morphs into one of delight and she throws her arms around my neck. I wrap my arms around her tiny waist and haul her up, leaving her feet to hover above the floor.

“What are you doing here?” She asks breathlessly then crashes her lips to mine without waiting for an answer.

I moan when she swipes her tongue across my lips. I open and invite her in and she takes full advantage. She tastes sweet, like mint and sugar, and it makes her already delectable taste irresistible.

Her body is laced with sweat and the heat pouring off of her sends a wave of lust flowing through my body. I dig my fingers into her soft curves causing her to whimper. My dick twitches at just the sound of her voice. Still kissing her, I open my eyes and search for a dark corner that I can slip into. I spot one behind the DJ booth where no one would dare to stand since it’s directly behind the large speakers. But what I have planned for her will need to drown out the scream I’ll pull from her.

I shuffle through the crowd that seems to part for us as I carry her. Her lips are suctioned to my throat and I hiss each time she follows up each nip with a soothing lick. I sneak by the DJ and the bouncer standing close by and manage to slink back into the hidden corner.

I press her back against the wall and use my body as a shield to block any suspicious eyes that may see us.

“Fuck, baby, you look amazing. I just wish you were wearing a dress.”

“Why?” she asks, her voice husky and laced with desire.

I don’t answer her with words and instead, slide my hand between her breasts, over her stomach and cup her hot pussy over her pants. She groans and throws her head back.

I press my palm against that sweet spot that I know will have her eyes rolling back. My fingers glide over the wet fabric that is keeping me from feeling her heat and she grinds against them. I dip my head and use my teeth to slip the front of her shirt down just enough to allow me to latch on to her supple breast.

“Oh God,” she pants while tangling her fingers in my hair.

“Do these fucking things have a zipper?” My voice is rough and rushed.

She nods and continues to kiss me, reaching for the side zipper. She fumbles for a moment before she finally gets it down the track. I don't waste a second and shove my hand down the front of her pants and into her panties where her wet pussy is dripping for me.

“We shouldn’t do this here,” she whispers in my ear while grinding against my hand.

I chuckle with a low rumble and lick her neck. “Doesn’t seem like you mind.”

I let my fingers play in her slick folds and over her clit that’s already swollen with desire. The song changes and the tempo slows just enough to have me fingering her to the beat.

I pump in and out of her and her sweet whimpers are only for me. Adding another finger, I curve them and search for the spot that will have her seeing fireworks behind her lids. The palm of my hand rubs her nub while I thrust my soaked fingers further inside of her.

I’m in deep but my movements are gentler. Just the way she likes.

“Vaughan…yes…there,” she pants, her breasts rising and falling with each shuddered breath.

“Come on my fingers, sunshine. Let me feel your pussy squeeze my fingers. And if you scream my name, I’ll feed you my cock later.”

My dirty words have her eyes flying open and I see the moment I hit the trifecta. My words, my fingers, and the pressure that’s just right.

“Fuck, fuck, fuuuuck!” She chants and her gorgeous whiskey eyes slam shut.

She coats my fingers and I grow harder just thinking about how good she’ll taste on my lips. I wait until her quivering slows and she opens her eyes again.

We’re both heaving from the intense moment. I slowly pull my hand out of her and bring my fingers to my mouth, licking them clean and groaning.

A smile tugs at one side of her mouth and she takes my face in her hands and pulls my mouth to hers. She purrs, tasting herself on my tongue.

We reluctantly separate. I slide my hands over her ribs and down to her hips. Gripping the zipper, I slowly pull it back into place.

“Hi,” she says, but I can only see her mouth the words as the song has changed once again and the bass is earsplitting.

I kiss her nose and take her hand in mine, leading her out of the dark corner and in search of our friends.

“They are so going to know what we were doing,” she laughs in my ear.

I spot them at a table and they see us. Bishop lifts his hand and I nod in acknowledgement. I swing her around so that we are face to face and tug her to me. My knee settles between her legs and I rub it against her sensitive core.

“Good,” I growl and take her bottom lip between my teeth and suck it into my mouth.

I feel her melt in my grip and I’m tempted to haul her out of this club and onto my bike so I can take us home.

“C’mon. Let’s get over there.”

The seven of us continue to drink and dance and laugh as the night goes on. It feels like high school all over again, when our days were carefree and full of hope.

Bishop, Hayes and I switched to water almost an hour ago, and we agreed that we’ll all be escorting the girls home tonight. There’s no way any of them are driving off alone.

CeCe is wearing a shockingly short skirt, so that rules her out from riding on the back of Bishop’s bike. Hayes has already made it clear that he’ll be taking Cat home, so CeCe will ride with them. Vivian throws her hands in the air and shrieks when Bishop agrees to let her ride with him.

The girls originally planned to all stay at Vivian’s place tonight, but I put an end to that when I told them Cami was coming home with me. There was no way in hell that I was letting her spend the night away from me after only getting a taste of her earlier. My dick has yet to fully deflate and it won’t until it’s buried deep inside of her.

Riding home is going to be a bitch, but I know the reward will be worth it.

“Hungry!” CeCe blurts out as a statement and not a question, her words slurred from the abundance of alcohol she has consumed. “Let’s go eat.”

She jumps from her seat as does Viv and Cat.

“I bet there’s a food truck outside,” Hayes points out as he rises from his seat and steadies Cat who is swaying like a tree.

“Food truck? Count me in.” My girl perks up at the mention of food.

Feeding her before we leave will actually be to my benefit. Between food and the open air on the back of my back, she’ll be wide awake and ready to play when we get home. I hope she doesn’t have plans for tomorrow because the only thing she’ll be doing is soaking in a tub to soothe her raw core and sore muscles.

I bite my lip and feel Cami’s eyes on me. “Uh oh,” she rasps. “That look in your eyes means trouble.”

I kiss her lips chastly. “For you, yes.”

Her body visibly shivered but there’s a heat in her eyes.r br I bring our entwined hands to my mouth and kiss each of her knuckles.

“Can you two quit sucking face for five minutes so we can eat? Geez.” Viv throws her hands up in the air and lets them flop down with an exasperated sigh.

“Calm your tits, Red. We’re comin’.” I snicker when she gives me a sad looking stink eye that couldn’t scare a fly.

After scarfing down street tacos and more water, we part ways for the night.

Vivian leaps on Bishop’s bike like she’s about to ride off on her own. The tiny little thing can barely reach the pegs much less the gear shift. Bishop picks her like she weighs as much as a down feather pillow and plops her back down on the back. He hands her a helmet and she puts on. We all laugh at her. Bish looks like he’s taking a kid for a joyride. He revs the engine and speeds off, Viv hooting as they go.

Hayes escorts Cat and CeCe to his truck after the girls part with hugs, and I quickly snag Cami’s hand in mine and rush off towards my bike. She’s parked on the back and secured in a helmet with my jacket over her in seconds and I tear out of the parking lot with one goal on my mind.

Camille.

Thirty-Eight

VAUGHAN

T he helmets are dumped on the floor of the garage and I know I’ll regret not taking better care later, but for now I couldn’t care less about them. If I have to sacrifice my helmets in order to get Cami in bed faster, then it’s well worth it.

“How the fuck does this shirt come off?” I mumble into her mouth as we clumsily make our way upstairs.

“It was a bitch to get on and it’ll probably be worse to get off. Rip the stupid thing if you have to.” She reaches down and tugs one heel off her foot and stumbles before catching herself and doing the same to the other.

Our lips are locked the entire time and if we would just separate for a moment, we could surely get this done faster. But where’s the fun in that?

I find the zipper on the side of her pants and this time I slide it down. Well…I more yank the damn thing practically off the teeth with how hard and fast I lower it. I let her pants drop and pool at her feet. She quickly steps out of them, her toe flinging them across the room at the last second.

Cami’s hands fumble with my belt buckle and the button on my jeans. I try to toe off my boots but it’s impossible.

“Baby. Hold on.” I bend over and struggle with the damn boots and finally free my feet. I toss one then the other and my socks follow right behind.

Before I can fully stand up Cami is on her knees, snatching my jeans off my hips and down my legs. She reaches for the hem and I wobble then fall backwards on the bed, allowing her to pull them completely from my body. In that time, I’ve reached behind me and removed my black henley and it’s joined my socks and shoes…and now my jeans as I see them sailing through the air.

Cami stands up in only her lacy thongs and shirt that I have no idea how I’m going to get off of her. I sit up and glide my hands over her body starting at her thighs and stopping when I reach the hem of her top.

“Sunshine.” My voice is laced with hunger. My heart thrums with anticipation and I beg to let this last forever.

She smoothes her hand over my cheek and the scruff of my jaw. Smooth against my rough. I watch her bend until our lips are mere centimeters apart. Our breaths mingle, becoming one. Gently, she kisses me and I get lost in the feel of her lush lips.

All too soon the kiss is over and she’s staring into my eyes. I feel the weight of the moment and know something life changing is about to happen.

“I love you,” she whispers.

It takes a minute for the blood whooshing in my ears to dull and for my brain to focus once more. I’ve never felt so wholly complete as I do right now. For so long, my world had been tipped on its axis and I was living a half life. That half was for Dagen. But the other half was a sad and lonely existence. Only a shell of a man survived after the storm had passed.

Hearing those words from the mouth of the only woman I have ever loved has jump started the part of my heart that was dying, back to life.

I feel the smile as it grows across my face, and my cheeks heat under her gaze. I wrap my hands around her waist and pull her to stand between my legs.

“I love you so fucking much, Camille. My sunshine is back.” My throat clogs with thick emotions and I blink back the moisture in my eyes.

I spin her around, dropping her onto the bed and I hover over her. My chest feels tight as I think of how different my life would be if she hadn’t come back. The circumstances that brought her here, brought both of us, is tragic. But those cataclysmic events allowed for our lives to come back together and let us heal and repair what was once broken.

I crash my mouth against hers in a torrid kiss. She writhes beneath me and my cock twitches against her leg. I slip my fingers under the bottom of her blouse and begin to push it over her ribs and her breasts. Either she exaggerated the difficulty of taking it off, or I’m so anxious to have her hot skin on mine, but her top comes flying off.

Her bare breasts are offered up like a gift from the Gods and I latch on to her pebbled nipple. She moans and digs her fingers into my hair, tugging me closer. I twist and pinch the nipple of her other breasts and she gasps. Pleasure laced with pain.

I scoop her up under her arms and toss her on the pillows. Her hair cascades and splays across the white sheets. My fingers slip her panties over her hips and down her legs until she’s spread bare. Her slick skin is glistening with her desire practically dripping.

I dip my face and run my nose along her slit, inhaling a scent so heady that it expels precum leaking from my cock. I flick my tongue against her clit and she arches her back off the bed.

“Vaughan,” she cries.

I lift my eyes and take in her naked flesh. The smooth plain of her stomach. The contracting of her ribs as she heaves, and the rise and fall of her breasts.

“What is it, sunshine?”

She props herself on her elbows and looks down at me. “I want you in my mouth.”

My once shy girl is unsure no more. She knows exactly what she wants and I am more than willing to comply.

I crawl up her body, licking a line from pussy to mouth, then roll over on my back. She settles herself between my legs and slithers down until her mouth is poised right above my jutting cock.

Without taking her eyes off of me, she grabs my dick and sticks her tongue out and swipes it over the head of my bulging tip. I hiss and my hips shoot off the bed. She does it again and every muscle in my body constricts.

I gently lay my hand on her head to tether me to earth. She continues to kiss, lick and stroke me, making my ability to hold it together hanging by a frayed thread. She sucks the flared head into her mouth and hollows her cheeks while her tongue flits the slit. I feel her take a deep inhale and then she’s swallowing me whole.

I hit the back of her throat and a groan pours out of me. She hums and the vibration makes me twitch and I feel her throat tighten. The hollowing of her cheeks as she rises up followed by the slacking of her jaw when she slams back down jolts me to sit up. Her hand meets my taut abs and she urges me back.

My fists are balled up and my molars grind. I’d be surprised if they didn’t turn to dust by the time she’s finished with me. My ass is clenched as I try to keep my orgasm from firing off prematurely

She pulls off of me with a resounding pop and I meet her stare. “I want you to fuck my mouth, Vaughan. Don’t be gentle. Use me. I want to feel it tomorrow every time I talk.”

“Jesus Fucking Christ, Camille.” I close my eyes and take a few deep breaths to calm my eager body. “Are you sure?” I ask, strained with what little willpower I have left in me.

“Yes, baby. I need this. I need you.”

Without a second thought, I fist her hair in my hand and look deep into her eyes as I thrust up into her hot mouth. I continue, thrusting harder and deeper and watch her eyes water.

She moans with rapture and the grip she has on my ass encourages my movements. I’m edging and just about ready to explode down her throat when I roughly pull out of her and flip her over so quickly she barely has time to recover her wits.

Without another word, I slam into her to the hilt. We don’t stop fucking and making love until the early hours when we finally fall into a sex drugged sleep.

“Knock, knock,” a voice calls that sounds similar to my mom’s. I crack my eyes open and find Cami snuggled in my arms.

Her arm and leg are draped over me while her head rests on my chest. I feel her breath with each soft snore. She doesn’t rouse when I lift my head off the pillow.

“Daddy?” This time it’s Dagen and it startles me fully awake.

I reach for my phone on the nightstand only to find it not there. I remember tearing into the house like a bat out of hell last night, not paying mind to anything other than getting Cami naked. Somewhere amongst the ruins of our love making lies my phone, no doubt dead.

I carefully slide out from under Cam and breathe a sigh of relief when she doesn’t budge. I’m naked and my morning wood is wide awake and saluting the new day.

I quickly grab a pair of basketball shorts, not bothering with underwear, and tug on a white t-shirt. After rapidly combing my fingers through my hair and rubbing my hands over my face a few times, I quietly open the door and step out into the hallway. I don’t stop my silent stroll until I reach the kitchen where mom and Day sit at the counter with bags of food.

“What are you doing home so early?” I ask and move towards the coffeemaker.

“Early?” Mom repeats. “Honey, it’s noon.”

My head snaps up to meet her eyes then zoom over to the clock on the oven where sure enough, a bright twelve-o-two is displayed.

“Shit,” I curse softly to myself. “I’m sorry Day. I hope you weren’t trying to call. I forgot to plug my phone in and the battery is dead.”

“Late night?” Mom asks with a knowing grin and arched brow.

“Uh…kinda,” I answer, scratching my head and filling the reservoir with water.

The rustling of plastic bags draws my attention to Day. She stands at the island, pulling out containers of food and spreading them out.

“Whatcha got there?”

“Food. Duh.” She rolls her eyes with a sarcastic smile on her face.

“I know it’s food, smarty pants. Why is there so much?” I click a coffee pod in and press start.

“We figured you and Cami would be hungry,” she shrugs with nonchalance.

“Cami? How…When…I…Um,” I struggle with the English vernacular and can’t string a cohesive sentence.

“Isn’t that why I stayed with Gran and Pops? You and Uncle H and Uncle Bishop went out with Cami and her friends, then she stayed for a sleepover?”

Mom snorts into her hand and I narrow my eyes at her. She gives me a very unapologetic smile.

With a heavy breath, I admit, “yes. Cami had a sleepover. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you last night. I hope that’s okay.”

“Of course. I was hoping she was still here ‘cause we brought her lunch and Gran made her a coconut cream pie. She said it’s Cami’s favorite.” Day sets down the last container then turns to the drawer where the utensils are and takes out what she needs.

“O-kay. Well then, I should go get her.”

Day scrunches her face at me. “Did y’all stay up late watchin’ movies or something?”

This time mom’s snort is a full out guffaw that I ignore and walk to my room to wake Cami.

Seems like her family isn't’ the only one who can pour a bucket of ice water over our night of passion.

At least she’ll be able to walk out wearing actual clothes and not a teeny silk robe. Gah. Chills race up my spine when I picture the look on Cat’s face when she found me in the laundry room wearing Cami’s incredibly short silk robe.

Family…gotta love ‘em.

Thirty-Nine

CAMILLE

O ther than our families having thoroughly embarrassed us with their frequent drop in’s, Vaughan and I have settled into a comfortable rhythm between the ranch, our relationship, and Dagen.

We celebrated her birthday at my house since I have a pool and invited a dozen friends. Including both of our families, Bishop, Viv and CeCe, I had a house overflowing with people. And I loved every second of it.

When we had time alone, we went on long rides on his motorcycle, spent time with friends, and had sex on every possible surface in both our houses, the barn, the cabin and defiled Vivian’s bathroom during a party. We were back to boinking like rabbits during mating season and I wan’t complain.

We may not have picked up where we left off twelve years ago, but the healing process was better with him by my side.

I still missed Robbie and thought of him often, but the gut wrenching pain didn’t hit as hard or frequent as it used to. And after eleven and a half months of staring at his urn on the fireplace mantle –both here and in North Carolina– I have finally decided it’s time to spread his ashes.

Robbie would hate it knowing he’s collecting dust in a room where people are supposed to make happy memories, not think about death every time they see that familiar box.

I spoke with Forrest and Emily about what to do and they both agreed that his ashes should be spread here in Texas. I argued with them that he should be in Tennessee where he grew up, but they refused and said that he should be close to the person he gave his best years to.

We all cried, reliving those first few days after he passed. We talked for what felt like hours as I caught them up on life since I moved back to Magnolia Creek. Before moving home, I was good about talking to them quite often. I hadn’t completely forgotten about them, but the calls had become less frequent.

I was terribly nervous to say anything, but when Emily asked if I was interested in dating again, I decided that it was best to rip the band aid off quickly.

“Actually, that’s something I wanted to talk to you about,” I said with a jittery voice.

“Oh. What’s that dear?” We were FaceTiming so not only was I about to break the news about Vaughan and I, I’d have to see their immediate reaction.

I cleared my throat and took a steely breath. “I have reconnected with someone.”

While they didn’t look hurt over my announcement, they definitely seemed taken aback.

Forrest squirmed in his seat then readjusted before stopping with his hands clasped between his spread legs.

“That’s great, Camille.”

“Forrest. You don’t have to say that. I completely understand if this upsets you and it changes things between us. I’ll be sad, but I will understand.”

“What?” said a shocked Emily. “Sweetheart…no. We could never be upset with you. It’s tough to hear, sure. But all we want is the best for you. We love you very much, Camille, and just like Robbie we want you to continue to live. Your life shouldn’t stop because his did.”

My nose stings but before I can bat the tears away with my lashes, they begin streaming down my face.

“You don’t know how much it means to me to hear you say that. I never want to hurt you. I love you both and I don’t ever want you to think badly of me.” I sniffed and swiped at my nose with the back of my hand.

“Dear,” Forrest said in a steady yet calming voice. “Camille. Please look at us. Short of becoming a deranged serial killer, there isn’t anything you could do that would stop us from loving you. You will always be part of our family…as we hope we are always part of yours.”

“Of course!” I say without hesitation. “I want you there for all of the good times. We weathered the worst storm together and I would love it if you two were there to celebrate the blue skies.”

Emily cries, a content smile on her face, and Forrest clenches his jaw to stop his emotions from getting the best of him.

After swiping away the tears, we continue to speak for a few more minutes.

“So. Tell us all about this new man,” Emily coos.

This is about the time I feel a collective sweat over my entire body.

“His name is Vaughan McCallan and we…dated in high school.” They listen curiously when the name recognition finally dawns on them. “I know what you’re thinking and yes, he is the one I’ve mentioned in the past.”

They both grow concerned and uncomfortable, and I can tell by the look in their eyes that they aren’t happy with the news.

“There’s more to the story than even I knew. It’s not really my place to tell you all of the sordid details, but let me preface this by saying I would never put myself in a situation to be manipulated or willingly hurt.” They nod in understanding and I go on. “Without betraying Vaughan’s trust, I can tell you that he was violated in the most horrible of ways. It was quite literally a nightmare that he had to live through because he felt that it would be a he said versus she said, and society has a way of assuming the man is always the predator.”

A large lump forms in my throat just thinking about what she did to him and by the look in Forrest’s eyes and the hand clamped tightly over Emily’s mouth, I think they are forming a picture of their own.

“I, being a scorned and heartbroken teenager, didn’t give him the chance to explain. I can only imagine that he saw me as yet another person who wouldn’t believe something like…that could happen. I refused his calls, his gifts and any attempt he made to contact me. Around Christmas time is when he found out this…woman was pregnant. And since I pushed him away, he was left with the only choice of being there for his child.

“The marriage was, as he put it, a real life nightmare that he lived everyday. He could barely stand the sight of her, she resented him for not loving her, and she quickly fell into the arms of another man. Circumstances wouldn’t allow him to divorce her, but things finally hit a boiling point and he said he would rather be a part time dad then trapped in a sham marriage.

“He asked for a divorce but weeks later, they found out she had an aggressive cancer. She died months later at which time he packed up his daughter and moved back to Texas.”

I let out a deep breath and watch emotions wash over the two of them. I hope I didn’t go too far with the details, but I needed to give them as clear a picture as I possibly could so that they’d understand that this is not me falling into the arms of something familiar because I’m lonely.

I’ve had two great loves and lost them both. Somehow life has decided to have mercy on me and mend a broken heart, giving me one more chance at love.

“Camille,” Emily’s voice is strained and her face is tear soaked. “I-I don’t even have words. I feel just sick for this young man. It’s…”

“I know. And I feel like a monster having not taken a minute to just listen to him.” I swallow and rub my lips together. “But I also can’t regret it because I had nine amazing years with Robbie. And I wouldn’t trade that for all the money in the world.”

Emily chokes back a sob and I see Forrest run his finger under his eyes.

“It is a tragedy that you two young adults had to suffer such loss —of spouse, of love, of innocence— but I’m glad you have found each other once again. My heart will be forever broken from losing Robbie, but I find peace that you have found the start of your rainbow. You deserve happiness and I know that our son would be content knowing that you’ve found it.”

Forrest’s words start the water works all over again and I’m a blubbering mess. If I could jump through this screen and hug them, I’d never let them go.

“Can you guys just move here? I need to hug you and you’re so far away.” A sigh passes through my lips and we all compose ourselves.

“We’ll see you soon. Are you sure you don’t mind us staying with you?”

“Don’t be silly. I’d be hurt if you didn’t stay here. I miss you both.”

“We miss you, sweetheart.” Their voices sing out in unison, making my heart happy.

“Miss you, too. See you in a few days.” We say goodbye and I end the call before flopping back on my mattress.

I know they said they have no problem with me dating but are they just saying that to placate me? I really want to keep them in my life and I won’t risk losing them. But will they really tell me how they feel about Vaughan? I guess there’s only one way to find out, and it’s only five days away.

The reunion with Forrest and Emily was a soggy one. Happy tears, sad tears, and lots of smiles. Having them here is like having a little piece of Robbie back. But with that happiness comes that ever present pain. What was dull is now sharp again. The wound that was beginning to heal feels like it’s been picked open again.

We tried to talk about the here and now, but our conversations inevitably led to Robbie. All it took was the smallest mention of his favorite food, season, even color, and we were right back where we were almost one year ago.

Vaughan insisted that we spend the first few days of their visit without him. He thought they would appreciate some alone time with me. He didn’t want to be the reminder of what they lost. And both Forrest and Emily were very grateful for the time. But, they were also anxious to meet him.

Which absolutely boggles me. I don’t know how I would react in a similar situation. Those two wonderful people are angels on earth, and I won’t ever let them feel unwanted or unwelcome.

So, here I stand in my closet, vetoing one outfit after the other, while Forrest and Emily enjoy some time by the pool.

I decided to make dinner and have them meet Vaughan and Dagen in a more relaxed environment. A stuffy restaurant with strangers surrounding us is not the mood I want for their first time meeting.

It’s hot as balls in July in Texas, which can make it difficult to look cute while you’re sweating buckets. With that in mind, I choose a lightweight, cotton dress. It’s white which won’t show my boob sweat, and the spaghetti straps won’t feel like I’m being suffocated.

I slip it over my head and let it cascade down my body. My toes are freshly painted as Dagen and I went to the nail salon the day before Forrest and Emily arrived, so I slip on a cute pair of sandals that will show off my hot pink polish.

With the humidity, it’s pointless to try to do anything with my hair other than pulling it up into a cute bun and letting my curly tendrils frame my face. Another swipe of deodorant and spritz of perfume and I head out into the kitchen to put the finishing touches on dinner. Lunch? Linner? Whatever. We’re eating at four and I don’t care if it’s senior citizen hour.

I’m placing the final dish on the island when Forrest and Emily come down from their room, showered and dressed and ready for what is bound to be an awkward as hell meal.

“Don’t you both look rested and relaxed,” I tell them and offer up glasses of wine.

I’m tempted to chug down half a bottle myself, but I have a feeling that alcohol and anxiousness don’t make a good combination. I’ll stick to water, for now.

“Your backyard is like an oasis, Camille. We thoroughly enjoyed it. Even with the outrageous heat and humidity.” Emily takes the proffered glass of wine and takes a refreshing sip.

“Yeah. The heat gets pretty bad this time of year. But the shaded cabana by the pool makes it a tad bit more tolerable.”

“So what do we have here?” Forrest asks, eyeing the dishes I have spread out.

I open my mouth to tell him what each dish is when the doorbell rings. Instantly my stomach becomes one big ball of nerves and my body begins sweating despite the cooler temps inside.

“Must be…Excuse me,” I flubber and move to answer the door.

I take a calming breath –which is all I seem to be doing since Forrest and Emily arrived– and open the door. On the other side are two pairs of eyes with matching smiles that make my heart flutter.

“Hey.” My voice is a throaty whisper. He smiles wider and it’s like a zap to my nipples and straight down to my throbbing core.

How can this man do all of that with a simple look? I am rendered stupid by that damn smile and smoldering look. Every. Time.

“Hello, sunshine.” Vaughan steps in and bends down, placing a chaste kiss on my lips.

“Hi Cami.” The cheerful girl beside me is yet another member of the McCallan family that has stolen a piece of me.

“Hi, sweetheart. You look so pretty,” I compliment her and she beams.

She sways in her dress that looks like an age appropriate version of mine –color and all– and the fabric swirls.

“Do you like my hair? I did it just like you did for my birthday.”

“I love it, Dagen. And hey, we match.” I hold my arms out to my side and do the same swaying motion as her.

“We’re twinsies, Cami!” She wraps her arms around my waist and I squeeze her, closing my eyes and fully appreciating how close she and I have grown.

When I open my eyes, Vaughan is staring at the two of us with such awe and adoration. His eyes grow a little misty but he quickly blinks it away.

“Okay,” I sigh. “You guys ready to do this?” I ask them, but it’s meant more for me.

They both nod and Vaughan places his hand on the small of my back and walks us to the kitchen.

If there were ever a time for the big guy to cut me a break, now would be the perfect.

Forty

CAMILLE

W hy was I worried, again?

Of course Forrest and Emily were gracious and courteous and nothing short of amazing. I’ve never known them to be anything less. But the way they’ve been with Dagen and Vaughan this evening has raised them to sainthood in my eyes.

As nervous as I was to introduce them, they made it all a walk in the park. Vaughan produced a bouquet of flowers to Emily that I didn’t even notice when he first walked in, and a six pack of a Texas IPA for Forrest that I knew he would love.

Dagen was her adorable self, of course, and Emily fell head over heels for that little girl much the same way I did. And she has absolutely preened under the attention.

We ate, we laughed, Emily and Forrest inquired about Vaughan’s life and business on the ranch, and Vaughan shared some stories about me from high school that even I had forgotten about.

At one point, we moved our visit outside to allow Dagen to swim and Emily pulled me aside. “He really is a wonderful man, Camille. I’m happy you have found that again. You deserve to be happy.”

My eyes watered as did Emily’s and I hugged her so tight I think she thought I might suffocate her.

“You don’t know what that means to me. Your approval matters more than anyone’s and I wouldn’t even dream of moving on if I thought it would damage our relationship. You and Forrest are still my family and always will be.”

She nodded since I’m pretty sure if she opened her mouth, only sobs would escape. I know because I felt the same way.

Minutes later, Vaughan asked to refill everyone’s drinks and Forrest offered to help. I nervously bit my lip and wondered if it would be horrible of me to eavesdrop on them. I didn’t think either of them would be disrespectful or rude to the other, but that didn’t stop me from a mini panic attack.

While Emily was occupied talking to Dagen about the upcoming school year, I decided to sneak away and find an inconspicuous spot to listen from.

I know, I know, but I was freaking out a little.

“Mr. Stevens,” Vaughan started.

“Forrest, please.”

“Of course. Forrest, I just want to say a few things to you about myself and how I feel about Camille.”

Uh oh, I thought, thinking this must be the moment when Forrest can’t take hearing about my new relationship and how his son used to be the one I fawned over and now there’s a new man in my life.

“I know Cami told you a bit about my past and what happened between us. I assure you that it was never my intention to leave her or even hurt her the way I did. I swear, I would never have cheated on her and I felt so ashamed for it all. Dagen’s mother…” he paused, struggling to get the words out.

“Vaughan,” Forrest said, his voice compassionate yet strong. “Camille didn’t give us all of the details but from what we heard, we surmised that you found yourself in an impossible situation not due to any fault of your own. And I am very sorry for what happened to you.”

I didn’t hear anything for a few moments and I figured Vaughan was trying to compose himself to continue.

“Thank you. It was not a situation I wanted to be in, but I also didn’t want to drag Cami down into my mess. But you have to know that I have never stopped loving her. Not for one single minute. I am so grateful that she found love and happiness with your son. I can tell that she had a wonderful life with him. I am sorry for your loss, and my heart truly breaks for you and your wife and Cami when I think about all you have lost.

“I know this may seem…weird, but I understand what the two of you mean to her and I feel it only right to let you know that I will do my best to never hurt that beautiful woman. I will love her as deeply and passionately as she deserves, and be everything to her. I pray I can make her half as happy as your son made her. She deserves nothing less.

“I hope that you will remain a part of her life because she loves you both very much. I don’t want my presence in her life to hinder your relationship. She will always be your daughter-in-law, and if you feel that–”

“Vaughan. I’m going to stop you right there.” I couldn’t help myself. I needed to know what was going on, so I peeked around from the corner I was hiding in and witnessed something I never thought I would in my lifetime.

With his hand resting on Vaughan’s shoulder, Forrest said, “Losing my son was hard on all of us. It has left a hole that can never be filled. But seeing the joy back in Camille’s eyes brings Emily and I a peace that we can’t describe. I thought losing Robbie the way we did would destroy her. I don’t want to see that young lady suffer for another day in her life. I am positive that you will do whatever it takes to make sure she doesn’t.”

Vaughan nods his head vigorously.

“You are good for her. We can see that. Thank you for coming to me, even though you owe us nothing. That proves you are the type of man that Camille needs and deserves. We are truly elated for her. And I’m glad you two have one another, again.”

Vaughan takes a deep breath then shakes Forrest’s hand. The two of them share a moment that I feel like I’ve intruded on, so I slink away to the powder room and compose myself before joining everyone out back.

“In the name of the Father, Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen.”

The priest from my parents church makes the sign of the cross after saying a short prayer.

There were eleven of us standing under the shade of the giant magnolia’s waxy leaves. The scent of clean soap from the white blooms surrounded us. And though we stood out of the sun's scorching rays, the heat was still sweltering.

When I was thinking about the best place to spread Robbie’s ashes I knew it needed to be a physical place I could visit. If I were to cast his ashes off the stern of a boat, he would be lost at sea and I didn’t think I’d be able to feel a connection to him there. And even though a tree in my backyard would have been ideal, I couldn’t stand it if I moved and a new family would occupy it, never allowing me to lay on the cool grass and talk to him. My parents offered for me to spread his ashes under the oak tree where my siblings and I spent days playing and swinging from the branches. But again, what happened when they no longer lived here?

Then one day Vaughan suggested the giant magnolia that sat near the creek on the Talbert’s, or rather the McCallan Ranch. At first I refused, thinking Emily and Forrest would never allow it. But after some more thought, I realized it was the perfect spot. Vaughan would ensure that this ranch stayed with his family, allowing me the freedom to come and sit with him whenever I wanted. This part of the ranch was more secluded as it was near the edge of the property and not used by the campers or riders.

I’d be able to talk with him under the big Texas sky, stars twinkling above us. On those beautiful spring days when the wildflowers and bluebonnets were in bloom, I’d be able to lay among them and tell him all about the wonderful things that were happening in my life. And when the day I no longer walked this earth, he’d be on the other side to greet me.

Vaughan surprised me and had a bench placed under the tree with a small plaque with Robbie’s name, the year he was born, and the year he left us. I cried big ugly tears when I saw it and had to lock myself in my bathroom under the spray of a warm shower until I calmed down. It was one of the greatest gifts I’d ever received.

I walked over to the bench and picked up the small velvet pouch with a small urn that I had a local mortuary place some of Robbie’s ashes in. Since Forrest and Emily lived almost a thousand miles away, it would be difficult for them to visit regularly. I wanted them to have a piece of him that they could keep close.

I walked over to them and handed them the pouch. They both looked at me puzzled.

“Inside is a piece of your son, to take home, to cherish, to have with you always.”

Emily’s eyes filled with tears and her hands began to shake. Forrest tried to swallow back the emotion clogging his throat but ultimately lost his will to hold back his sobs. They both held it in their cupped palms and stared. The deep pang of agony was gut wrenching. We were reliving the worst moment of our lives and time had done nothing to ease the pain.

“Thank you,” Forrest finally choked out.

We held tight to each other, Robbie in between us, and let the memory bathe us in sorrow.

When we broke apart, I went back to the bench and picked up the large box that had held my husband for the last year. My throat was raw from the constant swallowing I was doing, trying to keep an ounce of control over the emotions that gripped me.

I opened the box and the bag inside. With a deep breath, I tipped the box and pieces of the man I loved mixed with the earth below. I made a slow circle around the base of the tree and let his ashes pour slowly until there was nothing left inside.

I stood tall and dropped the box. It clattered to the ground with a thud and my body wished it could do the same. The world was silent. The only sound I heard was the whoosh of the air going in and out of my nose.

I knew I needed to turn around and say something. I needed to thank my friends and family for being here, but I felt weak. The weight of the last year was still hanging heavy on me, trying to drag me down into a dark, dark place.

I opened my mouth to say something, anything, but words failed me. Instead, I sank to my knees and stared at the ashes that combined with the dirt and grass amongst the tree roots. Before I knew it, a choked sob escaped through my lips.

I clamped my mouth tight and kept the screams from seeing the light of day. My chest grew tight and my breathing was erratic. My head was swimming with so much…just…so much.

I still couldn’t quite wrap my head around the fact that Robbie didn’t trust my love for him enough to open up to me, to let me help him. Our love for one another wasn’t strong enough to keep him tethered to me.

Why? Why was it so easy for him to fade away?

Maybe easy wasn’t the right word, but it certainly seemed like an easier decision compared to staying. It was easier for him to let me go than to work through the darkness.

Why do the men I love always leave me? Vaughan…Robbie. Why am I not good enough for them to stay?

I hadn’t noticed my body shaking until arms wrapped around me. I didn’t know who they belonged to, but they were comforting. I buried my head in someone’s neck and inhaled the familiar scent of spicy leather and vanilla. I lifted my head to see Vaughan soaking in my every emotion.

Beyond him was Forrest and Emily who held tight to one another, my parents were entangled with Dre and Lisette, little Maddie toddling around their feet. Standing on the other side of the bench was Cathia, Viv and CeCe, their faces drenched in tears. The void that had been left in me was slowly being filled by the ever present love and support of my friends and family.

Vaughan’s lips pressed against my temple and stayed there. He rubbed my back in soothing circles and held me close. My sobs quieted but tears still streamed down my face. My breaths stuttered and it became easier to breathe until I could speak.

“Th-thank you for coming. It means a lot to me, to Forrest and Emily, to see that we are surrounded by such love and support.” Watery eyes looked back and me and heads nodded.

Vaughan stood then held his hand for me, helping to my feet on shaky legs. He tucked me into his side and placed another kiss on my head.

“My family is back at the house and have prepared lunch for everyone. We would love it if y’all could stay and enjoy something to eat.” Hands swiped away tears, noses sniffed.

“If you don’t mind,” I stilled Vaughan with my hand on his chest. “I’d like to stay for just a few more minutes.”

“Of course, baby. Whatever you need. How about I wait in one of the carts and send your Dad and mom back in the truck with Dre and Lisette?” I nodded and he stepped over to my dad, handing him the keys to his truck.

He escorted Cat, Viv and CeCe to a cart and made sure they knew the way back. I waited for him to address Forrest and Emily, but the two of them wandered over to me.

“Could we wait for you to finish? Maybe have just a moment or two…” they let their words trail but I knew the end of that sentence was with him.

“Would you like to sit with me?” I held out a hand to each of them and they took it.

I walked us over to the bench where we sat in a peaceful silence. Our thoughts were our own but it seemed as if we were sharing them. If a giant cartoon cloud hung over our heads it would show a reel of Robbie’s best times, our greatest memories.

Vaughan stood with his hands in his pockets and leaned against the cart, giving us some time alone.

It had been a long time since the four of us sat together. The dynamic was different but we were all here. Pieces of a family, but a family still.

Forty-One

VAUGHAN

S chool had started last week which meant our camps had come to an end and there was a lull in lessons until families got situated with their new routines.

Since our days were free of guests, Hayes, Cami and I took time to tend to the horses and their stalls. The next day we cleared the paths to the cabins and checked them for missing items or things that needed to be repaired. Our hope was that once the weather began to cool, families and individuals would want to camp, so we wanted to be prepared in the event that we got bookings.

The week continued much the same. Cleaning, checking, repairing, and Cami was right by my side every day. Once the college kids went back to school, it left just Hayes and me. We were able to convince Cami to stay and filled her in on our passion project.

“So…you want to basically add a whole farm? And a couple more cabins? That’s a lot.” Her eyes wandered over the blueprints we had drawn up showing the rendering of our dream.

“It is,” I agreed. “Four more cabins. Luxury cabins for retreats. And getting cattle and donkeys is easy. It really comes down to the bison, deer and buying more land. Our property stops at the part where the creek narrows. But the widest, and deepest, spot is tied to the land that is currently for sale.”

“Yeah. All one hundred and sixty acres.” Wow, Cami mouthed. “We just need to find the money to buy it.”

“I’m going to apply for a small business loan. See if we can get it that way.”

“Yeah, but Vaughan…then you’re saddled with debt. Between the land and the addition of cabins and animals. Not to mention you’ll definitely need some full time staff. Do you want to get buried under a mountain of debt?” she asked.

My chest expanded with the deep breath I took and scrubbed my hands over my face. “I know. I hadn’t really planned to expand so soon, but there’s a huge market for retreats and small town getaways. If we don’t corner the market here in Magnolia Creek, someone else will. It’s gotta be now.”

Camille looked at me and then Hayes, worrying her lip and looking over the plans and specs, studying them with a discerning eye. Her brows furrowed and she opened her mouth, but closed it quickly. Her focus was somewhere beyond the prints that sat in front of her.

Her fingernails tapped on her lip and I could practically see the wheels spinning at rapid fire speed in her head.

“I’ll give you the money,” she said like I had just asked her to borrow a pencil.

“I could never ask that of you Cam. It’s a lot of money.”

“I know you wouldn’t ask me, that’s why I’m offering. Tell me what kind of capital you need to purchase the land and start the construction of the cabins and I’ll give it to you.” She shrugged her shoulders like she didn’t get what was so difficult for me to understand.

“Cam. Would you…could you really afford to do that?” Hayes asked.

She gave a simple nod. “Yes.”

“I don’t know, Cam–”

“What don’t you know? You won’t have to get stuck with an outrageous loan that you’ll be paying back for the next thirty years, eating into your profit and the means to take care of your families. I got money. You need money. Done!” She threw her arms in the air in a victory V.

“Cam…money between friends is always a bad idea. One wants their money back, the other can’t pay them back as quickly as they want. Animosity grows and before you know it, a friendship is ruined and likely a business. I couldn’t do that to you. It may take another five years, but we’ll get there eventually.”

Cami took the three steps that separated us and grabbed hold of my biceps. “That’s the beauty in all of this. I don’t want my money back. I’m gonna give it to you. What is the cost of the land? Have you priced out the cabin build? Would a million be enough?”

“A million!” Hayes cried out while I clipped, “absolutely not.”

She looked between the two of us, taking in my annoyed demeanor versus Hayes’ excited-as-a-puppy dog look. Two very different sides of the same coin.

“There is no way I can just take your money, Cam. What would you get out of the deal? Other than a mil less in your bank account?” My body was rigid and I crossed my arms over my chest to stop myself from reaching out and yanking her into my arms.

She bites her lip and looks at us for another moment then says, “A partnership.”

If jaws could literally hit the floor then mine and Hayes’ would be rolling with the dust bunnies. We stared at her like she was some kind of anomaly. There is no way this woman was real.

“You…you want to partner…with us?” I ask, waving my finger between Hayes and me.

“Mhm,” she shakes her head with that innocent little girl look.

I huff out a breath, trying to decide if I could really do this. I have no doubt that Cami would be a great partner for us. Hell, this was our idea from when we were two seventeen year olds, dreaming of what our future would look like.

The problem I’m having is that I don’t know if I feel good about Cam pouring so much of her personal funds into a business that could fail tomorrow. What assurances does she have? What will she get if this ends up in the toilet? What if we…she and I…

“Stop, Vaughan.” Her command breaks me from the vortex of what if’s. “I know what’s going on in that gorgeous head of yours and you need to cut it out. Right now.”

“Babe. What happens if–”

“Nope,” she presses a finger to my lips and shushes me. “I helped build a very profitable, very successful business and I know how to spot a good venture when it kicks me in the chest. And this, Vaughan,” she stabs her finger at the blueprints we’ve been going over. “Is a really fucking great idea.”

I smile against the finger that is still pressed tightly to my lips. Slowly, a similar smile inches its way across her face and we both stand there, smiling at one another like two people who just figured out what all the sparks between them really meant.

“Hellooo. Will you two quit mentally getting naked and come back to the here and now?” Our smiles slip for just a moment before we’re back to staring like we’re the only people in the room.

“I think we need to work out some details, but I think –if Hayes is in agreement, of course– that we would love to have you be a part of McCallan Ranch.” Our eyes are still locked and our goofy smiles don’t falter.

“My vote is a hell yeah.” Hayes thrusts a fist into the air that I see from my peripheral.

Cami licks her lips and I can’t help but let my gaze follow the swipe of her pink tongue across her plump lips.

“The details…yeah. We’ll nail them down later. But yes, I’m in.” Her voice is raspy and it sends a shock straight to my balls that has them tightening up with anticipation.

“Oh Jesus. Just go fuck it out and we’ll talk business later? I feel like I’m about to be an unwilling participant in a weird orgy. Please go.” Hayes spins on his heels and mumbles something under his breath, moving his ass like it’s on fire.

“That’s the second best idea I’ve heard this morning.”

“What’s that?” she asks.

“Me…you…fucking.” Her cheeks tinge pink and she pulls her lip between her teeth. “My room. Now!”

My growl has her jumping with a small shriek. The next thing I know, she’s tearing off towards my room and I’m hot on her heels, unbuckling my belt and ready to pounce on her the second the door slams behind us.

Forty-Two

VAUGHAN

H er delicate fingers play with the short hairs on my chest as we lay in bed after a fast and hard round of sex. I don’t know if we were burning off the excitement of the new venture we’re about to embark on, or if that’s just how we are. We burn hot for each other every second we’re apart, and hotter when we’re together.

“Are you really okay with me being a part of your Ranch?” I hear the uncertainty in her words as if I’d not want her to be part of my life in every way.

I roll onto my side and prop my head on my hand and look down at her.

“Baby, I have never been more sure about anything. Actually,” I pause, thinking about just how much I want to say. “There are at least two other things that I am more sure about, but this one is very close behind.”

Her smile is brighter than the afternoon sun that is streaming in the windows. The way it highlighted every curve of her body had me ready to go again despite the fierce fucking we just experienced.

I hope Hayes made it to the barn without hearing us go at like wild animals during mating season.

She had barely taken off her shorts when I was pushing her panties to the side and sliding my fingers into her. She was soaked and it didn’t take much to get her there. Before she could fully come down from her orgasm, I spun her around by the hips and pushed between her shoulder blades until her chest was flat on the bed.

I shoved my boxers out of the way, just enough to spring my achingly hard cock, and thrusted inside of her. Cami’s body drove forward. I pulled her back against me only to drive in harder. She popped up on her toes giving me a better angle and I quickly fisted her hair while my other hand gripped her hip.

Her neck made that delicious curve as I tugged on her hair. I dipped down and took her mouth with mine while pumping faster and harder. She moaned into my mouth and I knew she was close again.

I let my hand fall from her hip and reached around, shoving my hand in her panties and swirling her tender clit. She clawed at the sheets, trying to grip something to anchor her down and stop from levitating. I pinched her nub and her entire body clenched. She panted and cried and mewled. It was the sweetest sound.

Her hands grew listless and my grip on her hair and my furious pumping had her slamming against my chest. With one leg wrapped behind her and around my waist, I plunged into her once, twice and a third time before coming undone and exploding inside of her.

It took us several minutes before either of us could form a coherent sentence.

“Oh yeah? What would those two other things be? I’m curious.” She reaches up and pushes the hair that has flopped over my forehead, still damp for the sweat we worked up.

“One, that I love you with every part of my being. My heart, my soul, my head…everything.”

“And two?”

I swallow down my fear of what her reaction may be and just jump.

“Two…that I want to marry you. Sooner than later.”

She went stock still and I watched as her pupils grow so large her whiskey eyes are almost completely black. Her breathing stalls and her lips part slightly when she finally gasps.

“Don’t–don’t say anything right now. I know we are still on different chapters. Closer, but still different pages. I just want you to know where this is headed for me. I’m all in. Have been since I was fifteen. I know it will take some time for you, but I hope you do get there. And when you do…I’ll be here.”

Her bottom lip quivers and pools form in her eyes. She doesn’t say anything, just nods. I smile, taking that as a win. A maybe, not a never.

“I’m starving. Let me feed my girl before Day gets home and finds us like this.”

“‘K,” she whispers.

I kiss her quickly then fling the sheets off of us. The cool air bites our naked skin and she yelps. I jump from the bed and quickly scoop her up.

“C’mon. I think we have time for a quick shower.”

“Not the way you take them,” she laughs.

I smirk and nip at her earlobe. “I’ll try to make it quick.”

Her eye roll game is spectacular and I am on the receiving end. “Famous last words.”

We beat the clock by just minutes when we settled into the kitchen to make sandwiches when Day came bounding up the driveway from where the bus dropped her off.

She flew through the side door with a smile so wide I immediately turned suspicious.

“Hi daddy. Hi Cami,” she sang, skipping into the mud room to hang up her backpack.

When she reappeared, she held a paper in her hands and shoved it out to me with a straight arm.

“Here.”

I tentatively take it from her. “What is it?” I ask before I even look at it.

“Just read it, dad.” She must have attended the same eye rolling class as Camille because hers was almost identical.

I look over the paper and just about choke on my tongue.

“A back to school dance? They have those at this age? Aren’t those a high school thing? Not seventh grade?” I’m panicking. My chest is seizing and I’m pretty sure I’m having a heart attack.

I slap a hand to my chest and stumble against the counter.

“Okay, Susan Lucci. Calm down. It’s just a dance.” Cami walks up behind me and places a hand on my back, rubbing between my shoulder blades.

She peers around my arm and reads it for herself.

“Daddy. It’s just a school dance. Everyone will be there.”

“Boys, too, I assume.”

“Well, that’s the definition of everyone,” she sasses me.

My nostrils flare and I give her a look that says I can’t handle her attitude on top of this life changing news.

“Babe,” Cami soothes me with her sultry voice. Obviously a distraction tactic. “Teachers and parent chaperones will be there. It really isn’t anything to freak out about. We went to dance in junior high. It’s the same thing.”

I spin to look at her, my eyes huge with worry. “Exactly! That’s what has me so freaked out.” Another award winning eye roll.

“But…there is one more thing,” Dagen’s voice drops to a low hush and her gaze falls to her feet that are rubbing a line across the tile.

“And what’s that?”

Her shoulders rise with a deep breath and she says, “A-a boy asked me to go with him.”

The paper falls from my hand and the pain in my chest is like a knife to the heart.

Yup. It’s a heart attack.

“Fuck no!” I bellow.

“Daddy,” Dagen cries.

“Vaughan,” chides Cami.

“Sorry. I just…Day,” I crouch down so that I’m eye level with her. “I don’t think you’re old enough to be attending a dance with a boy. I’m still deciding whether or not I’ll allow you to go to the dance.”

“What? Why can’t I go? That’s not fair. All of my friends are going. And Lizzie is going with a boy. You can’t do that to me. I’ll be the only one not going.”

“I’m sure you won’t be the only one,” I mutter and that’s the trigger that starts the waterworks.

Her lips wobble and then she’s tearing off up the stairs and into her room where I hear the door slam, no doubt shaking the pictures on the walls.

I stand and turn to look at Cami who has a scowl of disapproval on her face.

“What?” I ask and she crosses her arms over her chest.

“Don’t you think you were a little harsh?”

“Harsh?! She’s twelve, Camille. And a boy? I’ve told her before that dating is an absolute no until she’s at least sixteen.”

Cami huffs and turns back to making the sandwiches that were abandoned when this gut wrenching news was presented to me.

“We were fifteen and fourteen when we met. Not much older than Dagen,” she reminds me and I cringe.

“Which is exactly why she isn’t going. I know what we were doing at fourteen and fifteen and there is no way in hell I’m letting my little girl fall into behavior like that.”

The knife she was using to spread mustard on the bread clatters to the counter and a look of pure rage crosses her face.

Oh shit.

“Behavior like that? Are you implying something? Because I remember a young boy being right there with me. I wasn’t alone in all of the groping and kissing. Unless it was some other guy.” She braces her arms on the marble top and her jaw clenches so tight I can hear the click as it grows taut.

“Again…exactly. A young, horny boy in the midst of puberty who is only thinking of one thing. Grabbing boobs and kissing girls.”

“Oh my Lord. Seriously? Dagen doesn't even have boobs, yet.”

“But she will. And I’m sure he’s thinking if he gets his claws into her now, it’ll be a lot easier to take advantage of her when she does have them.”

Cami throws her hands in the air and starts to put space between us.

“Did you even read the flier? There are two different dances on two different nights. Seventh grade one week, and eighth grade the next. She’ll be with kids her own age. And the going together thing is probably not as drastic as you’re making it seem. Either his parents or us can drive the two of them. Or maybe a group of them will want to go together. We could even chaperone. I’m sure she’ll be mortified, but if it makes you feel better and allows her to experience this with her friends, then so be it.”

I fist my hands into tight balls of anger. I want to punch a hole in the wall. I want to scream at both of them because this is much more of a big deal than they are acting. The next words that fly out of my mouth have me wanting to kick my own ass the second they pass my lips.

“You’re not her mother, Camille. This isn’t your decision.”

She freezes and I see her mood shift from annoyed to heart broken in a nanosecond. She stands there for a second and I wait and brace for the eruption. I finally take a step towards her but she holds up a hand, stopping me in my tracks.

She drops her hand and walks into the mudroom, grabs her purse and walks out the door.

“Shhhiiit.” I chase after her as she speeds toward the garage. “Cam. Wait.” I call after her but she quickens her steps even more.

She starts jogging when she hears my footsteps coming closer, and makes it to her door. I catch up to her before she can yank it open and I press my palm to it, holding it shut.

“Cam. I’m sorry, babe. I shouldn’t have said that.” She turns to face me with her back against the car. “But you have to understand…I’m her dad and I have the sole responsibility of making these decisions. I know you love her, but this is up to me.”

Her hurt morphs to an anger I don’t think I’ve ever witnessed. I literally clench my ass for the ripping it’s about to endure.

“So then all the talk of me being there for her, being the woman she can look to and count on for advice, the whole marriage thing was all bullshit? Is that what you’re saying? Because I know I’m not her mother. You took that away from me. But I have grown to love that little girl. I have been there above and beyond what most women would. And here I am going toe to toe with her father because I think she needs someone on her side. But clearly you didn’t mean any of the things you said.”

“No,Cami. That’s not what I meant. I just–”

“You just what, Vaughan? How are you going to talk yourself out of this one?”

My eyes search hers, like the answer lies within them. And boy, could I use some help right now.

“I…” I shake my head, really not sure what to say to make her see my side of this.

“That’s what I thought. Move!” she orders.

“No, Cam. I can’t let you leave like this. You need to calm down bef–”

“Calm down! Fuck you, Vaughan McCallan. Fuck the hell off! Get out of my way.” She shoves my chest and I stumble back just enough for her to wrench the door open.

She slams it shut and locks it before I can even recover.

I bang my hand against the window and beg, “Cami. Please open the door. Don’t leave like this.”

Her response is a stiff middle finger. She presses the ignition button and her Rover’s engine roars to life, seeming equally as pissed at me as she is. She throws her car into reverse and flies down the driveway.

“Camille! Stop!” I chase after her, but it’s no use.

Her tires hit the pavement and she switches to drive before her car can come to a complete stop, making the gears grind. The tires squeal as she tears off.

“Fuck!” I yell, throwing my hat to the ground and shoving my hands through my still damp hair.

“What’d you do?” Hayes says, walking up behind me.

My heels grind the dirt when I spin to face him.

“I fucked up, H. I really fucked up.” My shoulders sag with loss and now the pain in my chest is deeper.

It feels like the first time I lost her and I pray to God that I didn’t lose her again.

Forty-Three

CAMILLE

“T hat prick!” Cat shouts from her seat on my couch.

“Fucking wanker.” I look at CeCe with a baffled look and she replies, “I’ve been watching a lot of BBC. Don’t judge my life.”

I snort with laughter. The first real laugh I’ve had since I kissed Vaughan yesterday afternoon.

He’s called me so many times that my voicemail is full, and his texts have gone unread. There is nothing he could say right now that could wash away the unbridled rage I am feeling towards him.

For months now, he has talked about nothing more than me being in his and Dagens life and future. He flat out told me that he wishes I was Dagen’s mother and how he wants me to be the one she leans on. The one she goes to for the type of advice that only a mother could give.

And now, my reward for caring for that sweet girl like she was my own is him reminding me that I am not her mother?

At first, I thought I was hearing things. There was no way he would say that to me. He’d never speak to me that way. But once the ringing in my ears subsided, my brain was confident that that was exactly what he had said.

He flew off the handle over a stupid dance and then made me feel like I was nothing more than a visitor in their lives.

“So let me get this straight.” Viv leaned over to place her now empty wine glass on the table, then settled back into the plush chair. “He basically asks you to marry him after super hot sex-”

“I didn’t say it was super hot.”

“The type of sex you just explained –hair pulling, screaming, finger bruises from where he held you down– that’s fuck hot. Anyway..He fucks you like pure alpha male,says yor the woman for him and Dagen, then yells that you’re not her mother and that any decisions about her are his and you have no place to talk?”

I nodded my head and gulped down the last dredges of my wine. “Pretty much.” My feet are criss-crossed on the couch and my body is weak from crying. “I wasn’t trying to be her mother at that moment, or tell him how to parent. I was simply trying to get him to see that he was blowing the whole situation out of hand. He was acting like the poor kid asked for her hand in marriage and not to a dance where she’d be surrounded by teachers and parents.”

Cat shook her head and stood up, retreating to the kitchen and returning with another bottle of wine since we had polished off the first two.

She moved to each of us, refilling our glasses and then returning to her place on the couch.

I recall the way my body vibrated with anger as I drove away. Angry tears fell from eyes the entire way home where they promptly turned to waves of sadness.

“Dickhead,” Viv mumbles then proceeds to chug down half of her refreshed glass of wine.

Aren’t I the one who should be chugging alcohol like it’s St. Patty’s day and I just found out I’m Irish?

“Have you listened to his messages or read his texts?” Cat slowly spins the stem of her glass between her fingers, watching each rotation.

“Nope. And I don’t know when I’ll be able to. I’m just so…so furious with him. He was so cold and acted like I was some stranger who stepped into his home and was telling him what to do.” My head shakes in what is still utter disbelief.

CeCe rests her hand on my leg and gives me a little sympathetic rub.

I have the world's best friends. Once I had cried myself to sleep and woke up with a renewed sense of anger, I texted them with a brief synopsis of what occurred yesterday.

I received a plethora of “that fucker” and “we’ll be there after work” responses. Vivian had to work and therefore just got here, causing me to retell the entire infuriating moment in detail. The second time around didn’t lessen the ire that Cat and CeCe felt towards him.

“Do you want to listen to the messages?” CeCe asks.

With a shrug of my shoulders and a deep exhale, I can honestly say that I’m stuck between not caring and wanting his words to mend the cracked pieces.

My phone rings, breaking the silence that has fallen over us. I dig into the pocket of my shorts, thinking it must surely be Vaughan for the hundredth time. Imagine my surprise when I see Maxine’s name on the screen.

I swipe to answer it and cautiously hold it to my ear.

“Hello?”

“Cami?” a small, timid voice says.

“Dagen?”

“Yeah. Can–can I talk to you?” I hear her sniffle and it just breaks my heart.

“Sure sweetheart. Give me one second.” I pull the phone away from my ear and look at my girls. “It’s Dagen. She needs to talk so I’m going to go to my bedroom for a minute,” I tell them and they nod.

I walk down the hall to my room and close the door before sitting down in my reading chair.

“Dagen? Are you still there?”

“Y-yeah.” Her words stutter like she’s recovering from a hard cry.

“What’s the matter, honey? Are you okay?” My concern grows with each labored breath I hear on the other end.

“I-I’m okay. Just su-super sad, still.” I swallow down the lump building in my throat. “Did you and daddy break up?”

Her soft cries fill the speaker. This little girl was so upset about the possibility of missing out on a dance yet, here she is, sobbing over the possibility that her dad and I have called it quits.

Can’t Vaughan see what his words have done to not only me but his daughter, too?

“I…I honestly don’t know, Dagen. Some things were said yesterday in the heat of anger.”

“I know. I heard him.”

“Oh sweetheart. I’m sorry you had to hear that. I really wish you hadn’t. And I’m sure your dad didn’t really mean all that he said, but that doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt any less.” I feel the sting in my nose and I know it’s only a matter of seconds before I start to cry.

“He was so-so mean. I’m really sorry he said those things.”

“You have nothing to apologize for,” I assure her.

“Yeah but…he was awful, Cami. I would never say that to you. I know you’re not my real mom, but I feel like sometimes…I don’t know. Like maybe my mom knew she couldn’t do everything from heaven, so she sent you to be my new mommy and like, be here for the rest of my life. You know, like she was here for the beginning of it?”

Oh dear Jesus. This young lady is wise beyond her years and those words right there break me.

I let my face fall to my hands where I muffle my cries. I’m not quite sure that her mother would agree with what she just said, but I feel so honored that Dagen would feel that way about me.

“He said he’s been calling and texting you a lot but you don’t answer.” She sounds so sad and distraught.

“I know he has. I just,” I take a deep breath. “I just haven’t been able to talk to him, yet. I need a little bit more time to get over my hurt and anger before I can talk to him. I don’t want to say something I don’t mean, and make this all worse. Do you understand?”

“Yeah. But…”

“But what, sweetheart? You can tell me. You remember our pact right? You can come to me with anything and as long as I don’t think it’s dangerous or something that your dad must know, I’ll keep it between us.”

I can’t see her face, but I know that she is undoubtedly nodding her head.

“I’m scared that…that if you and daddy break up that I’ll never get to see you again.” Her words are choked and cracked when she speaks.

“Oh Dagen.”

I rub the spot on my chest that feels like a hot spike has been shoved through it. She feels the pain of losing another woman who loves her. Just the probability that I may never be a part of her life makes her feel lost and alone.

It’s a feeling I recognize all too well.

It’s the same feeling I was bombarded with at eighteen and thirty-one. And lemme tell you, the second time around did not weaken the blow.

“Honey. I am going to make a promise to you right now. I don’t make many promises because I can’t stand to see disappointment should I not be able to live up to that promise. But this is one I will have no problems keeping. No matter what happens between your dad and I, I will always be there for you. You can call me whenever you need something, and I’ll come running.

“Pedicures, girls' days, lunch, even the scary stuff…you can count on me. I’m not exactly sure how your dad will feel about that, but this is about you and me. I love you very much, sweet girl, and nothing could take that away.”

More sniffles and cries before she finally responds. “I love you, too, Cami. Do you think, maybe, I can see you soon?”

“Of course,” I tell her and I hope it brings a smile to her face. “Whenever you want. Are you staying with your Gran and Pops?”

“Uh huh. I told daddy I needed a break from him. I don’t think he liked it very much, but Gran put her foot down and since she’s his mom, he had to listen.” I chuckle thinking of Maxine scolding her son who now towers over her.

“That sounds like your Gran. How long are you staying there?”

“Um, probably just until Sunday. Pops said we can make him think about what he’s done, but that I have to be home for school on Monday morning.”

“How about Saturday I come pick you up for lunch. Sound good?”

“Yes.” Her voice is now chipper and lively again with happiness.

“Okay, sweetheart. I will talk to your Gran and we can work out a time. You think of the place. Anywhere you want. I’ll drive to the moon if that’s where you want to eat.” She laughs and the tinkling of her little voice warms my heart. “I’ll see you soon. Bye Dagen.”

“Bye Cami.” I end the call and hang my head.

I feel heavy and tired all over again which makes the anger rise again.

Goddamn you, Vaughan.

Forty-Four

CAMILLE

“I  say you wear the blingy boots again. I mean, seriously. When else can you wear them?” Vivian inspects my outfit from the doorway of my closet.

After my phone call with Dagen last night, I told the girls that I needed a night to help me get out of the pit of despair that I felt myself slipping into. They enthusiastically agreed and now here we are, Friday night, getting ready to go to Billy’s.

“Maybe to a drag show? There’s one coming up. We can go and I'll wear them then. But I don’t know if I want to wear them to Billy’s again.”

“Oh gah! Just shut up and put them on.” Vivan shoves the boots to my chest and I’m forced to take the disco ball looking shoes from her.

Begrudgingly I slip them on and take a look in the mirror.

With a sigh I throw my hands up. “Fine. I’ll wear the damn boots but I’m not wearing daisy dukes. I’ll wear those split hem pants and…”

“This!” Cat calls out like she discovered gold.

I bite my lip and assess the silvery loose fighting tank with the criss-cross spaghetti straps on the back. It dips low in both the front and back which means no bra for me. I guess I should be grateful that the girls are still perky. I have at least another couple of years before age and gravity take over.

“Why am I dressing like a woman on the prowl? Are any of you bitches wearing your ho uniforms?” I take a look at the three of them who are in various states of dress in my room and bathroom.

Cat has on tight fitting jeans, a cropped Dolly shirt and pink boots. Where she found metallic looking pink boots, I don’t want to know.

CeCe is still in an oversized shirt as she puts the finishing touches on her beachy waves that make her shiny black hair look like silk. And Vivian, itty bitty Viv, is decked out in a denim mini skirt and illusion halter that looks like barely there lace covering her perky breasts and black ankle boots.

They all look at me and I shrug. “Okay. Aside from CeCe who’s still in her big t-shirt–”

“What do you mean? This is a dress. I just need my thigh high boots and I’m ready.” CeCe calls out from the doorway as she steps out of the bathroom.

“Oh Jesus. Well then, looks like I’m the most conservative of the hookers tonight. Lemme change and I’ll be ready to go.”

“I’m pouring shots shots shots shots,” Cat sings as she walks out of the room to…well, pour shots.

Two shots each and four hooker outfits later, the Uber drops us at the front of Billy’s, feeling a little more uninhibited after the liquor has settled in our veins. We hook arms and walk right in, the bouncer not giving us a second look or charging admission.

The bar is its usual Friday night packed –from what I remember back in the day– and we make a beeline for the bar, fighting and squeezing our way in.

“I know this bartender. He’ll hook us up,” Viv says and lifts her hand in the air to grab his attention.

And grab it she does when her boobs practically fall out of their very small confines.

The bartender approaches and she does a little flip of her gorgeous red hair. “Hey Brady. How’re you?” she purrs.

“Real good now that you’re here, hot stuff.” I roll my eyes. Is he for real? “What can I get you lovely ladies?”

We give him our orders and he walks off to get them. “How do you know him?” I ask Viv.

Without even lowering her voice or flinching, “we fucked a few months ago.”

My head flies back and my jaw drops. She is very matter of fact about it. Like she’s telling me what the weather will be like for the next few days. Sweet little, sprite-like Vivan Kelley has a mouth like a dirty trucker.

“Oh God. Chill out grandma. You’re not a virgin. Don’t be a prude. We fucked. Shagged. Bumped fuzzies. Did the horizontal tango. Stuck the P in the V,” her analogies go on until our bartender returns with drinks in hand.

“You tellin’ them about our fuck session a while back? Hot as fuck, Viv. Waiting for a repeat performance.” He winks and Viv returns it with an equally seductive wink and lip bite.

Jesus! Guess they’re a match made in sexual heaven.

“Mhm. And grandma prude over here,” she hooks her thumb at me. “Is freaking out because I said we fucked in a crowded bar.”

“Viv,” I shushed her.

“See,” she remarks with a raised brow and smirk.

The bartender laughs and looks pointedly at me. “I can help you get over your prudish ways if you’d like, sweetheart. Maybe the three of us can have some fun.” He licks his lips and I feel my face heat from cheeks to the nape of my neck.

“Uh…n-no thank you. I’m good.”

The bartender and Viv crack up laughing and I smack her arm. “You’re paying for drinks,” I tell her and grab my vodka tonic.

CeCe stays behind, laughing along with the two of them, and Cat follows me through the crowd. We search for a table or even a spot where we can stand as a group and talk.

“Over there,” Cat says, pointing at a small table with three chairs. “At least we’ll have a place to set our drinks.

We push our way through the throng of sweaty bodies and pull up to the small table at the same time as a group of guys.

“Oh shit. Sorry. Were y’all gonna sit here?” One of them asks.

Cat bats her lashes flirty. “Yeah, but it looks like you boys had the same idea.”

I can’t help but roll my eyes so far I can see Viv and CeCe walking up behind us.

The guys look behind us and spot the girls coming up behind us and smirk. “Care to share?”

We all look at each other and decide sharing a table is better than none at all.

“Sure,” I tell them. “We were actually looking for a place to rest our drinks while we danced.”

A tall guy with dark hair that hangs to his shoulders and deep brown eyes steps closer to me and I have to crane my neck to see him. Dear Lord he looks like he stepped out of a sexy, broody man catalog.

“I think we can take care of both of those problems for you.” His voice is deep and vibrates close to my ear when he leans in to speak.

“What two problems would those be?” I ask, a little delirious from how close this guy is.

He stands to his full giant height and gives me that standard too sexy for my own skin smile “Drinks and dancing. Your drink can rest on this table while I take you for a spin.”

He takes my glass from me and places it on the table before grabbing hold of my hand.

“Oh. I–” my words die before they see the light of day when he tugs me out onto the crowded dance floor.

I look over my shoulder with panicked eyes at the girls and they stand there laughing while I’m manhandled by this beastly lumberjack. I clench my jaw and motion for one of them to follow us and protect me from this guy's giant bear paws that I’m afraid he’ll maul me with.

Cat notices my plea for help and snatches the hand of one of the other guys and pulls him in our direction.

My dance partner’s large frame allows him to clear a path as people fall to the side when they see him coming. I follow behind his wake until we reach the edge of the dance floor. He spins me so that my face is level with his hard chest and I practically slam straight into him.

His hand engulfs mine and I shakily hold onto it as he begins to move us to the music. His other hand rests in the middle of my back since he’d have to bend over to place it any lower. I feel like a little girl dancing with her dad or something. That’s how comical we look.

“I’m Gibbs,” he growls in my ear.

“Camille,” I reply and it earns me another one of his killer smiles.

He bends to whisper in my ear, “don’t look so scared, Camille. I’m a nice guy and just want to dance with a beautiful woman.” He stands up and I see that his panty dropping smile is now a sweet smirk.

“Okay,” I say and he twirls me to the sweet sounds of Vella singing about a Sky Without Stars.

Gibbs is true to his word and just a funny and sweet guy who looks a little intimidating. We talk about ourselves a bit, but there isn’t much on my end. He tells me he works on a rig several months out of the year and is currently on a break. I tell him I work on a ranch —which I’m not even sure I do anymore.

I laugh, he smiles and we dance to a second song when the first comes to an end.

We’re halfway through the second song when I feel a hand jerk my shoulder back and out of Gibbs’ arms.

“Hey man. Don’t grab her like that,” Gibbs says, his large size and deep voice now fierce with anger.

“Then keep your goddamn hands off my girl and I wouldn’t have to.” I turn to look over my shoulder and see an enraged looking Vaughan.

“Vaughan! What the hell?” I seethe.

“Look man. We were just dancing, and I think Camille has a mind of her own,” Gibbs defends.

“Yes, I do,” I say through gritted teeth and yank myself out of his hold.

I turn to look back at Gibbs with an apologetic face. “Gibbs, I’m sorry. Let me talk to him and then I’ll be back at the table with the rest of y’all.”

He looks warily at Vaughan and then back at me. With a small nod, he tells me, “if you need anything you know where to find me. Be careful, yeah?”

I shake my head and Vaughan growls, “she won’t need you.” With that, he grabs my hand and pulls me off the dance floor down a corridor that I think leads to an emergency exit.

When we stop I tug away from him. “What the fuck is wrong with you, Vaughan?”

His face is red and he clenches his teeth. “Were you flirting with that guy? Did you plan on going home with him to get back at me?”

“What? You’re insane right now, you know that. I was just dancing with him. We’re sharing a table and he asked me to dance. His friends are dancing with Cat and Viv. You gonna go pull them away from their dance partners?”

“No, because they aren’t my girlfriend. You are,” he barks.

“Oh am I? Because I gotta tell you, Vaughan, after what happened the other night I’m not sure where I stand in your life.”

His chest deflates and his face falls. “Baby, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say those things.”

“But you did! You made me feel like an intruder. I was trying to get you to calm down and see that it wasn’t as big of a deal as you were making it. But you were very clear on where I stand in your lives.”

He grabs hold of my arms and wrench’s me to him. “You are my life, Camille. Without you I have nothing.”

“Well you had a funny way of showing it. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have friends waiting for me.” I try to jerk my arms out of his hold but he grips harder. “Let me go.”

He sees the fury in my eyes and slowly releases me.

“I don’t want you near those guys. Bishop and Hayes have a table. Get your drink and come with me.” He orders me like I’m a petulant little soldier that needs to fall in line.

“Do not tell me what to do.” I try to walk away but he blocks the way out.

“I’m serious Camille. Don’t test me.”

“Or what?” I yell. “Fuck off, Vaughan. Walk away. You’re good at that.” His body sags and I know I’ve gone too far. But so did he the other night.

I shove him aside and stomp my way back to our table where I do not leave like he insisted.

I watch as he steps out from the darkened corridor and drags his feet towards Bishop and Hayes. They eye him then find me in the crowd. Their faces are somber and mine is still enraged.

Every time something like this happens, those two are close behind. I’m tired of being treated like something they need to monitor and coddle.

I finish the rest of my drink and haul CeCe with me to order another.

I’ll be damned if I’m going to let Vaughan back into my life just for him to act like a possessive asshole. I needed a partner, not another father.

I glare at him as he watches me and I turn away. He can sit there and pout. I’m not going to let him ruin another night.

Forty-Five

VAUGHAN

A ll fucking night I’ve watched her laugh and smile and dance with that damn Sasquatch and his friends.

Bishop and Hayes found some women to flirt with and brought them to our table. When one of them asked my name I told her to kick rocks. The guys looked at me with disgust and left me to stew in my own misery.

Looks like I’m back to that asshole who sat in the corner in college.

I slam one beer after the other and refuse to stop when Bishop hollers at me. I flip him off —my best friend who’s been there through thick and thin— and he leaves me just like Cami did.

I’m angry. At myself and at Cam. I know what I said the other night was hurtful, which is why I’ve called and texted her everyday, multiple times a day, from the second she walked out my door.

But right now, she’s being a stubborn brat who is loving rubbing my own anguish in my face. It’s like I’m not even here. She’s just carrying on with her night like her boyfriend isn’t twenty feet away.

I can’t stand the distance. Not again. My daughter is mad at me. My mom is furious. Even my best friend and brother are pissed. I’ve managed to hurt all the people closest to me over something so trivial when you get down to it.

I can’t even understand what took me to that point of aggravation.

She was right. It’s just a stupid dance. We went to tons of them. But because I couldn’t tolerate the idea of my little girl growing up, I made her feel menial. Both she and Dagen.

I’ve waxed poetic from the day she stepped back into my life, and all it took were a few ignorant words to push her away again.

I drain the last of my beer and decide I can’t take this agony anymore. I have to get outta here. I can’t watch Cami in the arms of someone else.

I stagger over to her and tap her gently in the shoulder. Her head flings around and I see that her displeasure with me is still at max capacity.

“You won, I'm leaving,” I slur.

The tension in her face relaxes and her eyes grow concerned.

“You’re not driving are you?” She looks around for Hayes and Bishop.

“Yup. Rode my bike. I needed to get here fast.”

“Vaughan, you’ve had too much to drink. You are not driving home, much less on your motorcycle. Let me find Bishop to take you home.” She stands and I stop her with a hand on her shoulder and push her back down in her seat.

“Nope. Stay. I’m the one who fucked up…again. I’ll leave. I love you sunshine.” I lean down and kiss her cheek.

“Hey man. Why don’t you stay and sober up a bit. I’ll take you home. You shouldn’t be driving in your condition.” The Sasquatch she was dancing with earlier tries to coax me into staying, but I know what he’s doing.

“Nah. I’m good. Besides, I can’t stand here and watch you take my girl. It hurts too fucking much.” I throw up my hand in a rickety wave and try to march off.

My feet are slow to comprehend and I take only a few steps before I'm stopped.

“Vaughan. Stop,” Cami begs. “Don’t leave. You can’t drive. I’ll get us a car and we’ll go home.”

“No sunshine. I’ve fucked up for the last time. Just let me go.”

She looks frantically around the bar and when she sees something, I follow her line of sight.

“Hayes,” she hollers and waves her hand to get his attention.

He doesn’t hear or see her and she tries again. After a second failed attempt, she says, “stay here. Do not move, Vaughan. I’ll be right back.”

I give her a false promise and nod. She walks away nervously and I wait until she steps into the crowd before hauling my ass out to my bike.

“Hey Bro. Where’re you going?” The bouncer calls after me but I only love faster. “Hey!” He tries again.

I stumble over to my bike and tug on my helmet. Sitting down, I struggle to kick up my stand just a bit. Once it’s up I crank the motor and push back from where it’s parked.

“Vaughan! Stop you dumbass!” I see Hayes running towards me with Bishop, Cami and the other girls right behind him.

I check to see if any cars are coming, and when I’m in the clear I steer myself into the street.

“Vaughan!” I hear Cami scream and it stabs my heart.

I’m no good for her. I should’ve never bulldozed my way back into her life.

“Vaughan.” I register the faint sound of my name being called but I keep moving.

I stare blankly at the road in front of me, just trying to get away from everyone. My attention is so focused on how to go on living my life without Cami that I don’t notice the red light in front of me and plow right through the intersection, but the car coming at me in the opposite direction decides I need to stop.

And that’s when the world fades to black.

Forty-Six

CAMILLE

“H ayes,” I yell, pushing people out of my way left and right. “Hayes.”

“Hey Cami girl. You okay?” Hayes sees the look on my face and his happiness to see me turns to concern.

I shake my head and push the lump in my throat down. “No. Vaughan. He’s trying to leave. He’s drunk, Hayes. He can’t drive.”

“Shit,” he hisses. “Bish!” Bishop stops chatting with the girl standing next to him and turns to us. “We gotta go. Vaughan is trying to leave.”

Bishop’s mouth repeats Hayes’ sentiments and he says something to the woman before tossing some cash on the bar counter. He weaves between a few people and we start to move with him following.

I stop at the place where I left him, but he’s gone.

“Where is he?” Bishop looks worried but sounds pissed.

“I don’t know. I told him to stand right here. It was just a few minutes ago.” My head is on a swivel, looking back and forth, up and down trying to track his whereabouts.

“I hope that fucker didn’t leave.”

“Oh my God, Hayes. He could barely stand. There’s no way he can drive.” My worry turns to sheer terror at the thought of him driving off on his motorcycle.

“Cam!” CeCe calls. “Vaughan just walked out. He looks blitzed.”

I swallow down a scream and start parting people like the red sea. Hayes pushes in front of me and grabs my hand, pulling me behind him. I, in turn, take Bishop’s hand and we walk out like a human chain, hoping to stop Vaughan before the fall.

“You lookin’ for the drunk cowboy?” the bouncer asks.

“Yeah. Did you see him?” The bouncer points Hayes in the direction of the parking lot and I all but lose my mind.

We take off running and hear the roar of an engine. “Hurry,” I shout.

“Vaughan! Stop you dumbass!” Hayes yells at the top of his lungs, hoping to stop him before he tries to leave.

“Vaughan!” I see him back out of the parking spot and feel a surge of panic washes over me.

He turns onto the street and speeds off. We run after him, screaming his name and praying that he comes to his senses and stops.

But like a nightmare that I can’t seem to find my way out of, I watch in slow motion as my life falls apart one more time.

The image in front of me is like a scene from a horror film. A car drives through the intersection as Vaughan fails to stop at the red light. Tires screech, metal crunches. The car collides with Vaughan and his bike flies out from under him. His body slams into the car's windshield then he’s airborne, floating through the air, limp and as lifeless as a rag doll.

His body slams to the ground and skids along the pavement. Oncoming traffic has halted and people are emerging from their cars and the bar.

“NO!” A scream so primal is torn from my lungs and I take off running. “No! Vaughan! Don’t touch him,” I yell as I pass bystanders.

I hear the clomp of feet behind me but don’t bother to see who it is. I drop to my knees on the ground beside him and call his name over and over.

His eyes are closed and there are scratches covering his arms and helmet.

“Vaughan. Please wake up, baby. Please don’t leave me. I’m sorry.” I place my hand on his, afraid to touch him anywhere that may cause more harm, and wail.

In the distance I hear someone talking to 911 then Hayes is kneeling beside me.

“C’mon big bro. You gotta wake up so I can yell at you for being such an asshole.” His words are choked and tears that match mine are streaming down his face. “You can’t leave Day alone. She needs you. We need you.”

Bishop is sobbing and I look behind me and find Cat, Viv and CeCe huddled together, hugging and bawling at the scene in front of them.

The faint sound of sirens cry in the background, and the noise from the people around us grows louder.

“Vaughan,” I say in a strangled whisper. “I’m sorry. I know you didn’t mean what you said. You-you said you wanted to marry me. All I’ve ever wanted was to be your wife. Come back so we can start our life. I can’t…I can’t…” I feel like a vise is wrapping around me and slowly squeezing the life out of me.

This can’t be happening. Not again. I won’t survive the third fall. I’ll slip into oblivion right beside him.

“Ma’am. Ma’am.” A hand grips my shoulder as I slowly turn to see the eyes of a stranger staring back at me. “I need you to move so we can help him.” The woman speaks kindly but with a surge to her words.

“I can’t…I can’t leave him.” I choke on the words.

“Just stand back. We need to get him in the gurney.” She grips my arms and helps me stand, passing me off to Hayes’ waiting arms.

He rubs my back and places a gentle kiss on top of my head. “He’ll be okay, Cam. I know he will.”

I nod my head but it’s only to placate him. Nothing is okay. And if I lose him again, it never will be again.

A board slides under him as the EMT’s gently roll him on his side. A brace is placed around his head where his helmet still sits, and the three of them lift the stretcher till it stands tall.

“I wanna-“

“Sir. This is his fiancé,” Hayes lies. “Can she ride with him?”

The guy gives a curt nod and Hayes pushes me forward.

“Go on. We’ll be right behind you. Be strong for him, Cami. Keep talking to him.”

He helps me up into the back of the ambulance. The doors are slammed shut and the sound is reminiscent of the one I heard one year ago.

A chill runs through my body thinking it can only be a bad omen.

The ambulance jerks, lights and sirens flick on, and I’m jolted in my seat as we speed off.

“Hold on, baby. Just hold…on.” I take his hand in mine and let the EMT’s work a miracle.

The doors to the emergency burst open and a bluster of feet come running in.

“Cami.” Cathia skids to a stop in front of me and crouches down to pull me to her.

Silent tears fall from my eyes, but my throat is raw and words only burn. My heart feels like it’s being ripped to shreds as I sit here, waiting to hear something.

“Have they told you anything?” Bishop asks.

I shake my head with the slightest movement. My head feels like it weighed down with a thousand pounds and my bones are weak.

“Mom and dad are on their way. Cat called your parents and Dre, and they’ll all be here soon.”

Everyone slumps into an empty seat and the waiting game continues.

“Oh Hayes.” Maxine falls into her son's arms the second she runs through the doors. “Why? What—how did…“

Questions pour from her mouth but the somber mood has overcome everyone’s ability to speak.

Bishop moves one chair over so that Jim can take a seat next to me.

“Camille. What happened?” His voice is strangled and tears pool in his eyes.

My lip trembles and I gulp down the tears. “He-he was drunk and upset and he just…” My words are muffled from the new round of wailing that is ripped from lungs.

Hayes guides his mom over to where we sit and begins recounting the night's events.

“Family of Vaughan McCallan,” a doctor calls out.

We all stand. All twelve of us. Dagen is clutched tight to my side. As much as I didn’t want her here, Maxine and Jim thought it was best if she came.

She was spending the night with a friend when Jim called my dad and asked him to pick her up on the way to the hospital. My parents didn’t even think twice about it and followed the map Jim sent to get her.

Her little body hasn’t stopped shaking and her cries and pleading for her dad to be okay has completely eviscerated everyone’s heart.

The doctor walks slowly to where we stand and pulls off his cap. “Vaughan McCallan?” He asks to confirm.

“Yes. We’re his family,” Hayes says, motioning to all of us huddled in a tight circle.

“Would his immediate family only like to discuss the extent of his injuries?” His eyes roam over the bleak faces who are hanging by a tattered thread.

“No. We all need to know. Please,” Maxine begs.

The doctor gives us a small nod and starts to list off his injuries.

“I’m Dr. Jenkins and I am the ER doctor that has been treating Mr. MCallan since he arrived. Vaughan has suffered quite a few injuries, some crucial. He suffered a tibia shaft fracture that required an intramedullary nail.”

“What’s that?” I ask.

“We had to insert a metal rod to repair the damage. His leg will require casting. In addition, he fractured his distal radius in his right wrist which we set and casted, as well. He has some broken ribs, abrasions to his legs and arms but we didn’t find any internal bleeding or damage. However, the most worrisome of his injuries is the…”

The doctor pauses and looks at Dagen who is now wrapped tightly around me, her face buried into my stomach, and then me. I turn to Jim and Maxine for help, not knowing how much of this information she can handle. Jim nods at the doctor, prompting him to continue.

Dr. Jenkins clears his throat and goes on. “He suffered a Contrecoup brain injury which is a closed head injury. This occurs when the moving head strikes a stationary object, in this case the pavement. The brain continues to move after the skull is stopped, causing the brain to collide with the inside of the skull. This has resulted in diffuse axonal injury; a common brain injury from this type of accident. However, we won’t know the severity of the injury until…” he stops and takes another glance at Jim.

With a deep inhale, he lays out the worst of all our fears.

“Until he wakes from the coma that is a result of the DAI.” Loud gasps echo through the vacant waiting room. “It can range from mild to critical. If he wakes-”

“If?” I cry.

“We are not out of the woods, yet, so I cannot guarantee the outcome. I will say that many patients who have suffered a mild DAI have lived a very normal life with the help of behavioral and physical therapy. The fact that he is in a coma is actually a good thing at the moment. It will allow the healing process to not be interrupted, which is essential for brain injury patients.”

“When will we be allowed to see him?” Maxine voice hiccups from the constant sob that have wracked her since she received the call from Hayes.

“He is still in surgery where they are finishing the repair to his leg. Once he is out of surgery he will remain in recovery until we can clear a room for him. It will most likely be another couple hours before any one is allowed back. Only one person at a time will be permitted in the room with him.”

Bishop sinks back into his chair dropping his head into his hands. I watch while his shoulders shake. CeCe sits down next to him, running her hand along his back to comfort him while her own tears fall like raging waters.

The doctor tells us a nurse will come inform us when he is out of surgery and into a recovery room. We all thank him for his hard work and he leaves us to bathe in a pool of despair.

Dagen’s cries turn to heartbreaking wails and I take her in my arms. “What if he leaves me, too?”

Not one person in the room remains unaffected by words and we all burst into howling cries.

We all pray for Him to get us through one more night.

Forty-Seven

18 WEEKS LATER

A  cold wind bites my face as I struggle to walk away through the dead grass. Everyone in South Texas knows that February means days with winter temperatures, cold freezes and wind that pricks your skin like needles. But give it a few hours and a warm spring day will come to life.

Hayes waits at the cart for me while I make my way to the magnolia tree whose leaves have turned brown but still thrives under the harsh conditions.

Much like myself.

It’s been eighteen weeks since the accident and everyday hurt a little less than the one before, but the damage still lingered, always ready to bubble to the surface with the slightest reminder.

I sit down on the bench and breathe a sigh of relief. I let my head fall back and I look to the sky. Whether he’s up there looking down, I’ll never know for sure. But I pray that he’ll hear me today.

I need him to hear me.

My eyes fall to the ground where roots push up the land like small hills. Up and down, twisting and turning, like the trials of life at my feet.

“Hi Robbie,” I start. “You’re probably wondering why I’m here today. It’s two-fold, really, and I’m standing on a hope and a prayer that you can hear me.”

A lump forms in my throat as nerves take over.

“I owe you many thanks because my life has changed so drastically over the past several months and I really think it’s all because of you.

“I’m not sure what our girl told you about me, but I doubt it was anything good. Much like you, I never meant to hurt her. When she came back to me, broken-hearted and scared after losing you, I vowed that I would never let her suffer another day in her life. That…didn’t go quite as I’d hoped.”

One leg is stretched out in front of me, a brace still helping my weak muscles heal. I stare at my wrist and turn it slightly, side to side, amazed at the strength that returns daily.

My family tells me it was a long and difficult three weeks for them while I laid in a coma. When I finally woke, it was yet another waiting game to see how I would function after a traumatic injury.

I’m lucky that for the most part, my helmet saved my life and brain injury from serverity. The DAI was mild and although I did need some cognitive and physical therapy, the damage was substantially less than the doctors predicted.

Once I was awake and conscious of my surroundings and the accident, everyone laid into me about how reckless I was that night. Camille cried, then gave me a stern lecture, then cried, then punched my non-injured arm.

Hayes called me a dumbass –again–, and Bishop told me that if I ever did something so stupid as that again, he’d find a new best friend and steal Cami away. That right there was enough to promise to never step foot on a bike again.

Cat, Viv and CeCe cried while yelling at me. They threatened me with means of harm I’d rather not even think about. And my parents scolded me like a kid caught emptying the liquor cabinet into his stomach.

Cami’s parents and her brother were happy to see me alive and fairly well, and asked me to please think before I try anything like that. They all told me that they didn’t have it in them to see Cami in pain again. That one hurt.

But the hardest person to confront was Dagen.

She couldn’t understand why I would drink and drive knowing how much I have drilled the dangers of drugs and alcohol into her, even at a young age. I tried to explain that I was upset and careless and definitely wasn’t in any state to make decisions. But my stubborn and melancholy heart couldn’t see past the here and now.

It broke me when she said she thought I was going to go to heaven with her mom and leave her all alone. It was reminiscent of how Cami said she felt when Robbie died.

Then my mind wandered to Robbie and how he told Camille he wanted her to move on, find a new love. I was saved and deep down, I felt like Robbie had a divine hand in it all. His love transcended time and space, beyond the realms of earthly life and the spiritual life, and it allowed him to save Cami from suffering another loss. He became not only her guardian angel, but mine as well.

Call me crazy or whatever other words fit my thinking, but I know I should’ve died that night but something, or someone, shielded me from that fate.

“Camille came back to me broken, I’ve been doing my best to piece her back together. I know you didn’t want to leave her but from what she’s told me, it seems your demons were far too dark for you to stay.

“I’ll never be able to replace you, much in the same way you could probably never replace me. But I promise to keep her fragile heart safe and never take it for granted.”

I look around from my seat on the bench and see Hayes still sitting in the cart, scrolling on his phone, paying no mind to my conversation.

“Thank you for giving her the kind of love that she deserved. The kind that I wanted so badly to give her but couldn’t. I guess it just wasn’t my time. She needed to experience life with you, first. But thank you for bringing her back to me.

“I’ve spoken with her father and he gave me his blessing to marry her. He actually gave me the okay many years ago but again, I screwed that up. She’s always been my end goal, my greatest wish come to life. Maybe this is silly but…I need to let you know my intentions. She will always love you and I needed you to hear my promise to take care of her and always love her. Everyday, always, from this life into the next.”

I pushed to my feet, my right leg stiff, and moved slowly to stand against the tree.

“I hope you can hear me and I pray you give me your blessing because Camille is my whole world. And as long as I live and breathe, I promise to love and honor and respect and cherish her with all that I am.”

I stood there for a moment, looking up into the clouds, hoping for a sign.

Suddenly, a gust of wind blew past me making the browning leaves of the magnolia dance. Right before my eyes, a bright green leaf, still full of life and unspoiled by the harsh cold, floated down from where it sat. I caught it in my hand and let my fingers smooth over the waxy surface. It was glossy and fresh as if it had just sprung.

There was my sign. Robbie heard me and sent it straight into my hands.

“Thanks, man,” I choked out.

My hand touched the trunk and I closed my eyes. I had what I needed in order to move on.

I rapped my knuckles against the tree and whispered, “I’m sure our girl will be coming to visit you real soon. Maybe send her a little sign that you’re listening?”

I smiled with a tranquility that I’ve never felt before. My mind was at peace, but my body was restless. It was time to do the one thing I’ve wanted to do since I was seventeen years old.

Make Cami mine.

Epilogue

“M om. Why are you crying again?” Dagen caught my eyes in the mirror we stood in front of while I helped her into her dress.

“You’re graduating. And then you’ll be off to college in a few short months, and then…then…” I break into sobs, destroying my makeup for the second time today. The first time was when I spilled some orange juice.

Damn pregnancy hormones.

“Don’t cry, mom. I’ll only be a couple of hours away. And you’ll hardly know I’m gone because when little miss makes her appearance,” she rubs a hand over my extremely large belly. “I’ll be spending so much time here, you’ll forget I moved out.”

I nod into her shoulder and she tries her best to wrap her arms around me. She was a bit taller than me but with her heels on, she stood a good six inches above.

“How’re you feeling today?” she asked, and I tipped my hand back and forth, unable to speak words. “And how about you Miss Autumn Jade?” She knelt down and pressed her lips on my stomach where her little sister danced with joy from the sound of her voice.

I ran my fingers through her soft brown waves and smiled at the young lady who first made me a mother.

After Vaughan asked me to marry me, he practically pulled me down the aisle that day. I was able to get him to hold off for six months, but we moved that timeline up when I found out I was pregnant with our little man.

It was just shortly after we married that Dagen came to me to ask me the ‘most important question ever’, as she put it.

“Cami,” she said timidly. “I have the most important question ever to ask you and I just want you to think about it, okay.” I giggled at her and promised I’d take it seriously.

“So, I was thinkin’. You’re my step-mom now, but I just don’t like that word.”

My heart fell a little thinking she had changed her feelings about me and no longer considered me the mother figure she wished for.

“Step-mom is so blah and is what you call like, mean moms. Like Cinderella’s step-mom. But that’s not you. You’re the second best mommy ever and I was hopin’...” She chewed on her lip and turned her eyes downcast to stare at her checkered sneakers. They were like the ones I always seemed to find myself in.

“I was kinda hoping you’d let me…call you mom?”

Oh baby Jesus. My heart swole ten times its size and was nearly bursting at the seams.

“I consider you my first child, even though you’re almost thirteen, and I would be so honored to have you call me mom.” Matching tears of happiness streamed down both of our faces and I cemented that day into my brain as one of the greatest ever.

The sound of little feet stomping up the stairs broke the silent reflection we had found ourselves in.

“Day,” A little voice shouted.

“Who is it?” she asked when a knock rapped at her door.

“It’s me,” he said.

“Hmmm. I don’t know anyone named me.”

“No, siwwy. It’s me. Swoane Wobert Macawen.” We giggled and covered our mouths.

Our little guy had just turned four but he still had that sweet baby voice that couldn’t quite wrap his tongue around all the letters of the alphabet.

“I don’t think I know anyone by the name of Swoane Wobert Macawen. Do you mom?”

I shook my head. “Nope. Can’t say I do, Dagen.”

A loud harumph made it through the wood door. “You guys. You makin’ me cwazy.”

I laughed so hard I had to cross my legs to stop from peeing all over my damn self.

Dagen opened the door and he came running in and jumped on her bed.

“Oooh. Sloane Robert McCallan. I know you,” she exaggerated.

“Duh. I know. I’m you wittle bruver.” Lord, I loved that little voice.

“What’s up wittle bruver?” Dagen asked, plopping down on the mattress making him bounce.

“Dada said to huwee you pity faces.”

Dagen looked at me with a furrowed brow and I corrected, “pretty faces.” She nodded with a “gotcha”.

“Alright, alright. We’re comin’. Let’s help mama downstairs.” Dagen took one hand and Sloane took the other.

“Cuz mama is wike a pingwin?”

“Uh. A penguin? Do I look like a chubby penguin?”

“Yes, mama. Cuz you go teeter tot, teeter tot when you walk.” He giggled and slowly led me down the stairs where Vaughan waited for us at the bottom.

I took the last step and came face to face with my husband. His green eyes shone in the bright morning light. A few gray hairs were now scattered at his temples, and his blonde was now a little darker.

“There are my beauties. How are you feeling, sunshine?” He kissed my lips then scooped Sloane up. Dagen came up beside him and wrapped an arm around his waist.

“I’m okay. Swollen ankles, hungry all the time, and feeling like a bowling ball that swallowed a watermelon. But other than, okay.”

“And emotional,” Dagen added, which made me think of her leaving, which made the waterworks start all over again.

“Oh baby. C’mere.” Vaughan handed Sloane off to Dagen and told her to take him to check on Regency, our new gray Arabian.

“C’mon Sloaney Baloney. Let’s go give Regency an apple.”

“Yay,” he cheered and they walked out the back doors.

“Now why all the tears, huh?” Vaughan held me to him, running his hand over my hair and placing the other on my belly.

“It’s…she-she’s leaving,” I cried…AGAIN. “No more breakfasts, or girls days, or baking, or or–”

“Shhh,” he soothed me with a tender voice. “Baby, I promise you’ll get to do all those things and more with her, still. We can go visit her and she’ll definitely be coming home to visit Sloane and Autumn. Okay?”

I lick away the salty tears that puddle on my lips and nod.

“I think our little Miss is getting closer to making her debut and it has you feeling a little more emotional. It was the same when you were close to your due date with Slo and Day was starting high school.”

I breathe deep, trying to regain some composure because I know we’re just a few hours away from me starting a whole new wave of sobs when Dagen’s name is called and she walks across the stage to receive her diploma.

Vaughan begins pulling me back upstairs to our bedroom and sits me down on the plush chair in front of the fireplace.

“Day has Slo occupied for at least another,” he flicks his wrist to look at his watch. “Twenty minutes. Why don’t you just sit back and let me take care of you.”

“I have to fix my makeup, Vaughan,” I protest, weakly.

“Well then you better hurry.” He sinks to his knees and slides his hands from my ankles –or rather cankles– to my knees.

“I’m so fat,” I whine.

He freezes and creases his brow in frustration. “You are not fat. You’re beautiful and amazing and you’re carrying a new life in the gorgeous body of yours. If I hear you say you’re fat one more time, I’m gonna put you over my knee and paint your back porch red.”

I smile, finally wiping away all the tears. “Don’t threaten me with a good time.”

“You cheeky little perv.” His hand slides back up the skirt of my maxi dress.

Warm fingers caress my heated skin and his finger brushes against my already wet center. A small moan escapes my mouth and I lean back against the chair, totally forgetting what I was crying about.

“You wet for me, sunshine?” He slips two fingers under my lace panties and runs his fingertips through my folds.

“Yes.” My voice is a breathy lament. “More.”

He dips inside of me, gently twisting and turning his fingers. Every touch is now magnified for my overly sensitive body. The hairs on my head can feel how he touches me.

He crooks his finger just right and I feel my muscles clench and I wince. Another spasm has me breathing through my mouth.

“Camille,” Vaughan’s ministrations stop and my eyes fly open.

“Why’d you stop? Keep going. Before the kids come back.” I’m panting and rubbing my taut belly.

“Was that a contraction?”

“No. No. There’s no way. She’s not due for another two and a half weeks. It’s just the stress of the day. Now c’mon.” I roll my hand, trying to urge him on.

“Nope. Not taking any chances. Let’s start timing.”

“Ugh. I’m fine, Vaughan.” I push myself to my feet and waddle over to the bathroom to fix my face. “Probably Braxton-Hicks. No big deal. It’ll pass. I’m going to fix my makeup. Can you check that Sloane isn’t dirty? I’ll be ready in ten minutes.”

Vaughan looks at me with a skeptical eye but I shoo him off. I wipe away the smeared makeup and touch it up, this time with waterproof mascara.

Once I’m finished, I grab my shoes and sit on the bench to slip them on. My foot goes in and I feel the cramp squeeze my belly again. I power through it and get my other shoe on. I hug my lower belly to ease the pressure and make my way downstairs. By the time I reach the kitchen, the pain has subsided and plaster a smile on my face.

“Everyone ready?” I ask them.

Sloane is sucking down a bottle of water while little beads of sweat cover his forehead.

“I gotta go. I’m due at the pavilion in thirty minutes. Did you give the directions to Grandpa Derek and Grandma Sue?”

“Yup.” Vaughan was anything but happy about his ex in-laws attending Dagen’s graduation. “I don’t know where they’ll be but your Gran, Pops, abuelo Juan and mamita Alma will all be there.”

“”K. I’ll see you there,” she says goodbye to us, passing out kisses and hugs before she leaves.

I grab my purse and fling it over my shoulder while Vaughan buckles Sloane into his carseat. After struggling to lift my body into my seat, I’m finally in and settled.

We drive down the highway towards the pavilion where Dagen and her classmates will graduate and say goodbye to high school. Ten minutes into our drive and the crippling spasm is back.

“Camille. I don’t think those are Braxton-Hicks. He watches me then shifts his gaze to Sloane in the rearview and back to the road.

“I’m fine. Just drive. We’re not missing Day walk.” He grinds his teeth but continues on. “I promise to let you know if it gets worse. But I’m sure once we’re seated it’ll all go away.”

It did not, in fact, go away. And instead of waiting for her name to be called with the rest of the M’s, Dagen was rushed through in the middle of the B names and ran off the stage to meet us at the hospital where Autumn Jade McCallan was born early, stealing the spotlight from her big sister.

“I’m sorry, Dagen,” I tell her as she rocks in a chair, Autumn cradled gently in her arms.

“This is the best graduation gift ever.” Much like she did with Sloane, her eyes sparkle and her smile lights up the room.

And all I can do is cry…again.

The years have gone by and I have shed more happy tears with my husband and kids than I ever thought possible. All my little pieces held close together with an abundance of love.

Dagen’s Epilogue

“I  freaking love your house, Day. It’s like, do you wanna swim…okay. Wanna ride a stallion…you got it. Camp, fish, gaze at bison in the distance? Yup, yup and yup.” Sami ticks off her fingers, counting down all of the activities we’ve done while we’re home at my family’s ranch.

“Let’s not forget about DILF watching.” Jenelle waggles her eyebrows when she spots my dad guiding Lady Arabella Sunshine with mom and A.J. seated atop.

“Gross, J. Do not call my dad a DILF. Ick.” I shake out my limbs and all four of my friends crack up.

“She’s not wrong. But be sure to spread some love to hot mama Cami. Lord that woman is smoking.”

“Oh for the love of God. Not you too, Mara.”

She shrugs and says, “I swing AC/DC. I love all of God’s creatures.”

“Well love on someone other than my parents.” The girls laugh and we sip our drinks poolside.

Our junior year is almost done and we had planned to live it up in Cancun. But when Sami’s passport got delayed, we decided to postpone the trip until this summer. So instead, we chose to spend our days relaxing by the pool, riding horses and, you guessed, shooting guns.

What can I say? We’re Texans.

“So are we going to Billy’s tonight?” Jenelle makes a loud slurping sound as she sucks down the last of her margarita.

Mom’s made a couple of pitchers of Aunt Cat’s famous margaritas for us to enjoy. But she also cautioned us to take it easy if we were planning to go anywhere later.

“Yeah. My mom said we could use her car but that means these are the last drinks we have until we get to the bar.” They all nod in agreement, not even putting up a fight.

Sami, Mara, Jenelle and I met each other during freshmen orientation and hit it off immediately. I ended up rooming with Sami with Mar with Jenelle right across the hall from us.

Lizzie, my bestie from junior high, transferred from San Marcos her sophomore year citing it was a lame party school. So rather than wind up with different roommates our second year, mom and dad found a house that they bought as an investment property and allowed us all to live there. Lizzie and I turned the master bedroom into a double suite allowing everyone else to have their own room.

It’s been the absolute best living with my best friends. All the laughs, late nights, early mornings and even our bickering is better than I ever imagined it could be. Mom said we remind her of how she and Aunt Cat, Aunt Viv and Aunt CeCe were in high school and college. That made me smile because those four are friends goals.

They’ve experienced the ups and downs of friendship, stood up in each other's weddings, and popped out tiny humans to raise together.

If that is what the future holds for us, I can’t wait.

Mom and Dad come strolling through the back gate holding hands while A.J. sits on dad’s shoulders.

“Hey Mr. and Mrs. McCallan.” Mara waves and gives them a sugary sweet smile. I roll my eyes and watch as the other girls fawn over them.

“God. They are like, the hottest fucking couple on earth.” Jenelle mumbles in my ear as they pass.

“How many times have we told you girls? It’s Vaughan and Cami.” Dad pins them each with a look and a pointed finger.

“Yes, Vaughan,” they sing.

Mom laughs and tugs him along. “Who’s DD tonight, ladies?”

“I am, mom.” I hop up and grab A.J. from dad’s shoulders.

She giggles and swipes at her brown curls when they bounce in her face. “No more tickle, sissy,” she begs.

I plant a kiss on her cheek and set her back down on her feet.

Mom gives me a big hug and reminds me, “if you decide to drink, you know to call one of us or one of your aunts or uncles to come get y’all. Do not even think about driving.”

“I know, mom. I promise.”

My friends all know about what happened to my dad when I was twelve. I’ve been very adamant that I will not get in a car with someone who has been drinking, nor will I drink and drive. When your dad almost dies from drinking and driving, it tends to make you see things a little differently from the other eighteen and nineteen year olds you’re surrounded by.

The girls were really great about it and agreed we would always have a DD and never put ourselves in a situation to get in a vehicle with someone who has been drinking. And, not gonna lie, I have had to call Uncle Hayes or Aunt Cat to come pick me up from parties when I drank after saying I wouldn’t. Never have either of them complained. They said they’d rather be woken up in the middle of the night to pick me up and bring me safely home, than get that dreaded phone call in the middle of the night telling them a loved one is in the hospital.

“Ok. Did you still want to borrow those earrings from me?”

“Oooh. Yes please. I’ll come grab them after I’ve showered.” She nods and the three of them wave goodbye before disappearing inside the house.

“Ugh. If your parents ever want a third person to join in on their fun, please send them my way.” Mara bites her lip and I push her off her chair.

“That’s it. You’re uninvited. Pack up your shit and go.”

We fall into laughter and grab our things to head to our cabin for a quick nap and then get ready for a night out.

I walk upstairs towards my parents room and quietly creep down the hall so as not to wake A.J. or Sloane from their early bedtimes.

Well, early is subjective. It’s almost nine p.m. and they’ve been in bed for thirty minutes. Meanwhile, the girls and I are just about to head out for dinner and then hit up the bar. So for us, the night is young.

I tip toe across the plush carpet and stop in front of their door that is slightly ajar.

“Are you kidding me? They said that? God Vaughan. I am so tired of their shit. I know they’re her grandparents but they’re disgusting human beings who protected a rapist.” Mom’s voice is full of fury and I’m pretty sure I can tell you who she’s complaining about.

“Camille,” dad growls.

“What, Vaughan? It’s true.”

“I know.” I carefully peak through the slit in the door and see dad drop into a chair.

Why did mom say they protected a rapist?

“So what are they holding over your head this time?” Mom crawls up into his lap and runs her fingers through his hair.

Even though it’s totally gross to think of your parents being touchy feely with each other, I kinda like seeing how affectionate and in love mine are.

Dad wraps his hands around her waist and leans against her chest. “They said that if I didn’t convince her to take the internship at Derek’s firm they would tell her that I was divorcing Steph because I was cheating on her.”

“Lemme guess. Was I the person you were supposedly cheating with?” Dad nods and mom’s eyes are like two orbs of fire.

“I fucking hate them. I can’t even sugar coat it. I hate them with a passion. How dare they threaten you with such lies. And the internship is up to Day. She’s not even studying pre-law. Why in the hell would they think that a marketing major would want to work at a law firm? Did you tell them CeCe already has an internship set up for her with the Wranglers?”

Huh? Aunt CeCe got me an internship with the Wranglers? I wonder if I’ll be working with her or Uncle Nix?

“I tried, babe. They weren’t having it. They insist that we’ve kept her away from them despite me explaining that she’s busy with school and spends her summers working here on the ranch.”

Dad presses his forehead against mom’s and closes his eyes. I can’t see the tension in his body and how this is weighing on him.

I don’t understand why my Grandpa Derek and Grandma Sue wouldn’t just call me. It’s true that I haven’t spent much time with them over the past few years, but like dad said, I’m a college student.

“I know this is a moot point and I am not in any way placing any blame on you, but I wish you would’ve reported Steph. Even if it didn’t result in anything, at least what she did to you would be documented. That would give us some leverage against them.”

I furrow my brow with confusion. Mom has never said one bad word about mommy Steph in all of the years I’ve known her. So what she’s saying now is totally throwing me for a loop.

What does she mean dad should've reported her? For what?

“I know, Cam. I can’t tell you how many times I wished I could go back in time and stand up to Derek. I was so afraid that they’d take Day away from me that I couldn’t bring myself to tell the police what she did. Even if it did result in people not believing me, at least I would’ve been free of Steph and her parents.”

My stomach turns sour as I continue to listen to them. We don’t talk often about mommy Steph anymore, but this is a side of both of them I’ve never seen. I’m so confused.

“I hate that you’re stuck with them in yours and Dagen’s life. They’re horrible people. They are the parents of a rapist and complicit in her activities. They knew what she did, they protected her, and they sentenced you to a life of misery. I hate having to hold my tongue when they call. The only thing that I am grateful for is that our sweet girl doesn’t know any of this. I don’t want to shatter her memories of Steph, even if I do think that woman doesn’t deserve the amazing young lady she birthed.”

I finally get the courage to confront them and push the door open and step inside.

“What are you talking about?” My arms are crossed over my chest and my hands are fisted tight.

“Dagen,” dad gasps.

Mom hops up off dad’s lap and rushes over to me.

“Sweetheart. How long…how much of our conversation did you hear?” Her voice shakes as panic sets in.

“Enough to want to know why you’re calling Steph a rapist and claiming my grandparents are threatening you.”

Mom practically falls as her body goes limp, but dad catches her in his arms and settles her on the bed.

“Dagen…I don’t know what you thought–”

“It’s not what I thought I heard, it’s what I did hear. So tell me.” He hesitates, sharing glances with mom. “Tell me!” I scream.

“Calm down, sweetheart and we’ll…we’ll try to explain it all.”

Tears are already rising to the surface and my heart is racing. Dad lets out a sigh of resignation and I can see the conflict in his eyes.

“Day, I’m going to preface this by saying you are my greatest gift. Our gift. I can’t imagine my life without you, so please remember that when you hear what I’m about to tell you.” I nod, my jaw clenched tight, and don’t say a word. “So, when I moved to Florida for school, Cam and I had been together for almost four years and we decided we would work through a long distance relationship. It was very difficult for me because while mom was here with Aunt Cat, Uncle Bish, Aunt CeCe and Aunt Viv, I was basically all alone. I befriended a girl who I thought understood that I was committed to Cami. But I guess my words weren’t what she wanted to hear and one night…”

Dad tries to give me all the details of what happened, being mindful of my feelings. But with each new detail, I grow more and more sick. A sour feeling runs rampant in my gut and it takes everything in me to keep it from expelling from my mouth.

All of these years, the ideal of my mom Steph and dad and I as a perfect and happy family was the image that stuck with me. But now I wondered if it was an image I had conjured up. Because according to what my dad is telling me, he and Steph were never happy. And after what she did, how could he be?

“Stop. Please. Just…stop.” My chest is tight and I feel a wave of dizziness wash over me.

“Honey,” mom sits next to me and takes my hand in hers, giving me those three squeezes to reassure me that she’s here. “We never wanted you to find out about this. Dad made a decision many years ago to be there for you, and together we decided that the manner in which you were created was not something we felt we needed to share with you. The fact that you are here with us is all that matters. We love you with all our hearts and I’m sure your mom did, too.”

I shake my head, tears now running down my face, and pull my hand from hers.

“How can you say the way I was conceived doesn’t matter? Of course it does. That’s all that matters.” My voice was a mixture of sobs and anger.

“But Day, it doesn’t–”

“Dad! She drugged you and took advantage of your unconscious state. If she was a man, she’d be behind bars. And you-you never reported her? Why? I don’t…”

I jumped up from where I sat and began pacing furiously in their room. My head was a swirl of emotions and I didn’t know who to place blame on. The woman who drugged a man to take something that wasn’t hers? Or the man who let a manipulative, evil person ruin his life by breaking up a relationship and producing a child he never wanted?

Had he wanted me?

“Did you even want me, dad? I mean…how could you?”

“Dagen. Of course I did. I figured…I figured that mo-Cami and I would get back together and we would work to raise you as best we could with Steph. But things didn’t happen that way and there was no way that I could live without you. No way.” His voice is choked and I can see the glistening in his eyes.

“You should’ve told me. I had the right to know!” Hot, angry tears pour from my eyes and words burn my throat. “All these years you let me believe that Steph was a loving mother.”

“She was, Day. She loved you. Believe me. That is the one thing I know for sure,” dad pleads with me.

“No,” my scoff comes out with an ironic smirk. “No, people with a conscience and good heart don’t ra–don’t do that.” The words won’t come out no matter how I try to make them. “She was sick. And now that sickness lives in me.”

I tug at my hair and can feel myself on the edge of a breakdown.

“I need to get outta here.” My breathing is frantic and all I can think about is getting as far away from this lie that is my life.

I run out of their room and fly down the stairs. They both yell my name and beg me to stop, but I’m flying through the house and plucking the first set of keys I find before racing into the garage.

I click the key fob and the lights to mom’s BMW blink and I hop in. I click the button to open the garage door and it cranks to life. The minute I’m sure it’s high enough for the car to clear it, I gun it in reverse and tear out of the driveway.

Dad and Mom, Sam, Jenelle, Mara and Lizzie, all come running after me. Dad is chugging his arms to catch up with me at the end of the driveway, but I’m going so fast that he can't catch me. I swerve out on the street, fishtailing over the gravel, and throw the car into drive.

I didn't know where I’m going, only that I needed to get as far away as possible. Preferably somewhere where the truth of who I am doesn’t follow me. If such a place exists.

Find out what happens to Dagen in her own story.

Releasing 2024.

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Acknowledgments

Phew! That was nerve wracking and pure excitement all in one. There are some amazing people I’d like to thank so let’s get to it.

I first want to thank my husband for putting up with my moodiness and ignoring him on those nights when I just had to finish one more thing. Without you working hard for our family, I never would have been able to live out this dream.

To my daughter, BrookeLyn, who was always a burst of encouragement and sounding board when I got a little too anxious over my first dip into the publishing world. Though she will probably never read my stories -you won’t hear me complaining– I am more grateful for your love and support than you could ever imagine.

To my friends, Darshana and Sandra, who were by my side through this journey of uncertainty and self doubt. It warms my heart knowing you are in my corner, rooting for me. If only every gal had friends like you two, there would be no Regina George’s.

There is a talented group of writers who were the source of much advice, education and inspiration. Melanie Harlow’s Harlot Authors…you may not know me personally, but without your valuable insights and guidance, I never would have had the strength to push forward. When things were bad, I knew I could always count on you ladies to pull me out of a pity party and keep trudging through the mud. You all helped me into the light and I am forever grateful.

To Melanie Harlow. You are my daily motivation to keep doing what I love. Your impact on new authors –or simply authors, in general– is beyond measure. Without knowing, you gave me the confidence I needed to never give up. It was a long, hard road for me, but your reassuring words helped me realize that I could do it. When I grow up, I want to be just like you.

Finally, if you or someone you know is suffering from depression, please reach out. Having suffered from depression and anxiety, I know how difficult it can be to see you way out of the dark. It is a grueling journey to mental health, but always know that someone is there to listen. Nothing is ever so hard that you can’t find your way through it. Never be afraid to reach out for a helping hand.

For more information, contact https://www.mentalhealth.gov/. Trained crisis workers are available 24/7 for those who are suffering from suicidal thoughts or emotional distress. A Lifeline network is here to listen. Contact https://988lifeline.org/ for immediate help.

About the Author

Ryan Marie is an indie author who is living out her dream. An avid reader of all things romance, Ryan enjoys cuddling up in bed with her favorite authors. In her downtime, you can find her embarrassing her kids with her superior dance moves, telling herself she’s exercising, and spending hours dreaming up everyone’s next book boyfriend. But during football season, you can find her on the couch, screaming at the television and rooting for her beloved San Francisco 49ers.

Ryan lives in a suburb of Houston where she’s killing it at the mom gig to three awesome kids, laughing far too much with her husband and high school sweetheart (a man with the patience of a saint), and her two giant dogs.

Table of Contents

Title Page

Copyright

Dedication

Contents

Mood Music

A Note to Readers

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Chapter 23

Chapter 24

Chapter 25

Chapter 26

Chapter 27

Chapter 28

Chapter 29

Chapter 30

Chapter 31

Chapter 32

Chapter 33

Chapter 34

Chapter 35

Chapter 36

Chapter 37

Chapter 38

Chapter 39

Chapter 40

Chapter 41

Chapter 42

Chapter 43

Chapter 44

Chapter 45

Chapter 46

Chapter 47

Epilogue

Dagen’s Epilogue

Acknowledgments

About the Author