HAPPY TRAIL

Lucas Brothers Book 3

JORDAN MARIE

CONTENTS

Copyright

Title Page

Blurb

1. Petal

2. Luka

3. Petal

4. Luka

5. Petal

6. Petal

7. Luka

8. Petal

9. Luka

10. Petal

11. Luka

12. Luka

13. Petal

14. Luka

15. Petal

16. Luka

17. Petal

18. Luka

19. Petal

20. Luka

21. Petal

22. Luka

23. Petal

24. Luka

25. Petal

26. Luka

27. Petal

28. Petal

29. Luka

30. Petal

31. Luka

32. Petal

33. Petal

34. Luka

35. Petal

36. Luka

37. Petal

38. Luka

39. Petal

40. Luka

41. Petal

42. Luka

43. Petal

44. Luka

45. Ida Sue

46. Ida Sue

47. Luka

48. Petal

49. Luka

50. Petal

51. Luka

Epilogue

Epilogue

Deep Cover

In Too Deep Excerpt

Read More Jordan

Links:

Copyright © 2017 by Jordan Marie

All rights reserved.

No part of this publication may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever, including but not limited to being stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the written permission of the author.

This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, groups, businesses, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual places or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

Cover Art by Robin with Wicked By Design

Model: Mat Wolf

Photographer: Sara Eirew

Editor: Daryl Banner

WARNING: This book contains sexual situations, violence and other adult themes. Recommended for 18 and above.

By:

Jordan Marie

The Path to True Love Can Get A Little Hairy.

Petal

I’ve loved Luka Parish my entire life.

He was my first crush, my first kiss, my first time, and my first heartbreak.

Love isn’t like in the movies or the books you read.

It’s hard, and sometimes it’s just plain doomed.

Have you ever been forced to make a choice that you hate?

One you regret the minute you make it and wish you could take back?

I have. My biggest regret is not fighting for Luka.

But when I see him with another woman, one thing becomes clear:

I have to get him back – and I’ll do anything I can to make that happen.

Luka

Petal was the love of my life.

Losing her gutted me.

I’ve tried to make her see that we needed to work things out.

Ignore everyone and put our family first.

It hasn’t worked, and as much as I love her, a man gets tired of being alone.

It’s time to move on.

Except now I keep running into Petal everywhere—especially my bed.

Do I trust that this time she’ll put me first? Do I give us a second chance?

It’s hard to say no when she’s making every fantasy I ever had come true.

A woman in love, determined to win back her man.

A man, determined to forget the woman who broke his heart.

Who will win?

With any luck, maybe they both will.

DEDICATION

Some days I would give up and stop writing if not for you guys—the readers. This one is completely for you. Thank you for reading. Thank you for reaching out to me, but most of all thank you for reviewing and encouraging me to keep going.

Xoxo

Jordan

1

PETAL

Sweet sixteen and never been kissed. That’s me, but only because I got one look at Luka Parish when I was sixteen and knew he was all I would ever want. I was at family bowling night celebrating my brothers Blue and Black’s birthdays. Luka was in police academy training at the time and had met my brother Black through his work. He came over with some buddies to wish Black a Happy Birthday. He never saw me. Why would he? A man like that looking at me would be laughable. But I saw him. I saw him, and I’m going to make sure I see him again—and soon. I just have to make sure I’m wearing makeup, dressed really nice, and that I definitely don’t look like I’m just sixteen. A man like Luka Parish wouldn’t kiss a sixteen-year-old girl. I want him to see me as a woman, and I definitely want him to kiss me.

Present:

“Petal, it’s your turn!”

“I’m coming,” I tell Mom. The last thing I want to do is be here at family bowling night. I tried everything short of telling her I was dying of the bubonic plague to get out of it. Even that wouldn’t have helped. When Ida Sue wants something, you either fall in line or run away. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wanted to run away.

Don’t get me wrong; I have an amazing mother. She’s funny, talented, fiercely loyal, and a loving parent. She’s strong as hell, too. She’s had to be because she raised nine children completely on her own. I admire and love her as much as I resent her.

“What’s wrong with you, Petal?”

“Nothing, Mom! I just had other things to do tonight. Things I canceled so I could make family night.”

“Well, if you were going to be a grouch and try and ruin the whole night for everyone, maybe you should have just not shown up.”

“It’s Black’s and Blue’s birthday, Mom. Of course I’m going to be here. I just wish you had given me a little more warning, that’s all. I thought we were all going to wait until Blue was back in town.”

“It didn’t seem right not celebrating while Black was here at least. We’ll have dinner for Blue when he gets back in.”

“You still could have told me,” I grouch knowing I’m being a bitch. My mother has a special way of bringing that out in me.

“I might have if you’d been home much the last few weeks.”

“I’ve been home every night!”

“Yeah, but I’m usually in bed by the time you roll in. Honestly, Petal, little River needs more structure than what you’re giving him.”

“Everything I do is for River. Don’t start.”

“Is he the reason you’ve been talking to that man again?”

“That man is River’s father, and he has a name. It’s Luka.”

“You say Luka, I say Puke-a,” she says with a shrug.

“Now who’s acting like a child?” I sigh. It’s an old argument. Mom has never approved of Luka, and he hates her. The friction between them is just one of the many reasons my marriage imploded. Well, that and the fact that I should have never gotten married at seventeen. I was a child playing an adult, and as a result, I made all the wrong choices. Hell, I’m twenty-two, and I’m still making all the wrong choices.

“If you had listened to me to begin with, you would have never had him in your life.”

“Mom, I was pregnant—”

“Big-freakin’-deal! You were sixteen and pregnant. That happens to a lot of girls. It’s not a reason to get married. He should have been arrested for messing with you in the first place, and yet somehow here he is, the sheriff … if that isn’t the biggest joke in years.”

“Mom, he didn’t know I was sixteen when we met. If he had, he never would have talked to me.”

“So you say. I haven’t seen one thing out of Luka Parish that tells me that’s true.”

“I don’t want to argue about this anymore, Mom. Luka and I are working together to make sure our son is happy. That’s it. That’s all it is,” I tell her, and the slash of pain that hits me is real. I’m not lying, even though I wish I was. River has been diagnosed with ADHD and also has some other problems. We’ve been meeting in the evenings to figure out how best to tackle them. He was suspended for a day from kindergarten for biting and hitting other kids. River’s not a bad child. He’s sweet as he can be at home, but around other kids, he becomes different.

We need a solution soon, not only for my child’s sake, but because I need to go back to work fulltime. I can’t keep living with my mom, and I can’t afford to live on my own if I’m just working part time. Yet, living with Mom is toxic. Every time she puts Luka down, I want to scream. Luka has done right by me and River, despite all the shit I’ve put him through. He tried so hard to make our marriage work. He doesn’t know why I divorced him, not really. I won’t tell him. There’s no point. He’s eight years older than me, he’s sheriff now, and the last thing he needs is the local hippy’s daughter being a stone around his neck.

I figure if I say that enough times, I’ll finally believe it. The real problem is that Luka accepted our divorce easily. He never once tried to convince me that we had a future when I left. His father told me he wouldn’t, but I had hoped…

I guess I’m still hoping, which is ridiculous. Even the dinners we have are spent purely talking about our son. There’s nothing else, and being that near to Luka almost every night and not being able to touch him, find out what’s going on in his life—or to just talk to him like we used to—is slowly and painfully destroying me. I miss him.

With a sigh, I go to grab my bowling ball for my turn. The place is loud, but the main reason for that is that almost the entire Lucas clan is out and about tonight, including Gray, CC, and their two-month-old babies Violet and William.

“There’s my girl! I thought you got lost,” Black shouts, wrapping his arm around my back as I straighten up, holding the ball in my hand.

“Wrong, big brother. You were hoping I got lost because with this strike, you and your silly team are going down, down, down.”

“You tell him, Petal!” CC calls out.

We’re playing girls against boys tonight. It’s usually a lot of fun, but tonight, I just wish I was having dinner with Luka. Even though we’ve only discussed River, I live for those dinners with him lately—which admittedly is not a good thing.

“Pride goeth before the fall, ladies. Tonight, it’s all about the boys!” White boasts.

“That’s what you think, sweetheart. Boys drool and girls rule!” Kayla chirps up.

I can’t help but smile. Since she and my brother White have been married, Kayla’s become a different person: confident, happy, and outspoken. Not to mention the fact that she’s sporting a pretty serious baby bump these days. As if my brother knows exactly what I’m thinking, he reaches down and rubs Kayla’s stomach and whispers in her ear. I’m not sure what he said to her, but the blush that blooms on her face makes me entirely envious of the two. They’re so much in love, it’s beautiful, but painful to watch.

“Stand back and watch poetry in motion,” I joke, trying to shake off my thoughts. I take my favorite bowling pose, draw my arm back, and aim. I slowly bring it back, knowing I can make this strike and clinch the game. It’s all mine.

Until…

“Luka!” I hear a woman cry.

My face jerks away from the lane, and I search for the voice. There, standing across from me two lanes down, is Luka with the secretary from his office. He’s laughing with her, and that would be painful enough, but he’s got his arm around her as she leans over to give him a kiss.

It’s in that moment that my world ends. I don’t even realize that I drop the ball until I turn to watch it roll down into the gutter.

Just like my life.

2

LUKA

“Hi,” she says, and I know she’s caught me staring. I can’t help it. She’s the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen. She’s got eyes so blue, they look almost violet, and soft caramel hair that shines and falls in waves around her face. Her lips are plump and covered in a gloss that makes me ache to know what they taste like. My gaze is drawn to them as I watch her smile. It feels like I’ve been punched in the stomach, and all the air has been forced out of my body.

“Hi,” I tell her, leaning on the fender of my old truck, trying to act cool because right now I’m anything but. “You waiting on someone?” I ask like an idiot, but needing to know if she’s alone.

“I was waiting on you,” she admits, her smile deepening. Her words answer dreams I didn’t know I had, and yet they confuse me at the same time.

“On me?” I ask as she takes a step closer to me. My heartbeat quickens.

“You were watching me instead of the football game,” she says boldly. She’s not wrong. We’re outside in the parking lot. Night is beginning to fall, and back out on the field the action is still going on. I walked out here to smoke a cigarette and get away from my buddies. They’re all looking to get laid, and while that would be fucking great, I have to report in at five in the morning to start my police training, so getting laid and staying out all night isn’t on the table.

“And if I was?” I ask her as she gets even closer and brings her hands up to my chest. The instant she touches me it feels as if fire is under her hands. It feels like she’s branding me—and maybe she is.

Present:

Tani leans in to kiss me. I see it. I see her body leaning into me, and I fight the urge to turn away. She’s a good woman, and this is what I’m supposed to be doing: moving on. She’s a good woman, I repeat in my head. She’d give me exactly what I want—a home, a woman I can be proud to have by my side, and someone I could trust with my son. She’s perfect except for one thing: she’s not Petal. Tani’s lips touch mine. I take them, I taste them, I drink from them, and they leave me… full of regret.

What the hell is wrong with me? Petal left me. No. She divorced me. Fuck, if I’m being honest, she destroyed me. She lied, she kept secrets, and still I forgave her. I fought to keep her with me, and in the end, even that wasn’t enough. I was her fool. I’ve always been her fool from the moment she walked into my life.

Tani pulls away, and I can tell from the look on her face that she realizes I wasn’t there in the kiss with her. I give her a tight smile because shit, I don’t know what to say to her.

“Sorry,” she whispers, her face tinting with embarrassment.

“Tani. It’s just—”

“I know. The whole office knows. I was just hoping since you asked me out that it might have changed.”

Shit, isn’t that spectacular? Just what every man wants to hear. His entire office knows he’s hung up on his ex-wife.

“I’m going to go freshen up while it’s your turn,” she says with a fake smile.

This was a mistake. It’s all a mistake. My father keeps on to me about leaving Mason. He’s pushing that damn letter the FBI sent to me down my throat. Maybe I should agree. At one time, all I wanted was to be accepted into them. That was my goal in life. Then, Petal got pregnant and I had River in my life and everything changed—my thought process, my wants, my whole way of life stood on its rear. But without Petal, I’ve been slowly dying inside, and it doesn’t seem to be getting better. I thought time might heal, but a year later, here I am still pining over a woman who lied to me and walked away from me. I can’t ever seem to do anything but wish my family was whole. I need to accept that it never will be that way again. It’s past time I give up and move on.

I’ve been so lost in thought since Tani left for the restroom, I didn’t hear anyone come up to me. That’s not a good thing for a sheriff. Not paying attention can get you killed, even in the small town of Mason where the largest ongoing crime has been Shaster Johnson’s illegal homebrew. I don’t know what the hell he puts in that stuff, but it could strip the hair off your back.

“I can’t believe what I’m seeing. Our sheriff is out pissing the night away while criminals are running the streets of Mason causing nothing but trouble.”

I jerk my head up to see Black standing over me. He was my brother-in-law, and though I liked all of the family—with the exception of Ida Sue, the mother-in-law from hell—Black was probably the one I was closest to.

“Jesus, when did they start stinking up the joint by letting assholes like you in?” I joke, standing up. His hand comes out, and we slap them together roughly in a handshake that feels more like two brothers coming together.

“About the same time this county elected our current sheriff. Damn place is going to pot,” Black jokes.

“Funny. What are you doing back in Mason? I heard you got a promotion to detective. You can’t tell me Dallas has suddenly gotten boring.”

“Nah. I got a week off before I start the new gig. Came home to spend time with the family. You know how Mom gets if we don’t come celebrate birthdays with her.” I ignore all talk of Ida Sue. I begrudgingly respect the old woman for how she raised her family, and they’re all great people. But that woman helped destroy my marriage, and that’s something I will never forgive her for.

“Shit. That’s right, it’s yours and Blue’s birthday. Where’s Blue?” I ask, looking around briefly before bringing my attention back to him. “When Petal said she had a family dinner tonight, I didn’t put it together. What are you guys now? Sixty?” I ask him with a smirk as I take a pull from my beer.

“Fuck you. You are practically the same age. Blue had to go to Amarillo to a Cattleman’s Association meeting.”

“That sounds like fun. At least he won’t be overdoing it on his birthday. You might want to try and be home by nine though. At your age, it’s not good to stay up too late. You need plenty of rest.”

“You’re just a laugh a minute. I’ll remember that when your birthday comes up. It’s, what, in just a week or so, right? You’ll find that shit ain’t nearly as funny as you think it is.”

“Whatever,” I laugh. He’s just telling the truth. I became the youngest sheriff in Mason County history at twenty-seven. Now, I’m just a few weeks from turning thirty, but fuck, some days I feel like I’m fifty.

“Why don’t you come join us? Nothing more pitiful than a man trying to bowl alone.”

“Nah, man, I’m here with a date. Tani just went to the restroom.”

“Date?” I hate that I feel guilt bubbling up inside of me when he questions me. I shouldn’t. Fuck. “Damn. I was hoping with the time you’ve been spending with Lotus Petal, you two might be working things out.”

His words cause my stomach to curl in bitterness and anger. Petal would kill him if she heard him use her whole name. She hates it. Ida Sue is a bitch, at least to me. If she didn’t have such great kids, I would figure she was insane and needed a padded cell. As it is, she fucked them over by giving every one of them crazy ass names. Her daughters are all named after flowers and her sons after colors. It was a family tradition that Petal wanted to add to. I was completely against it, but we managed to settle on elements around us. We named our son River and one day hoped to name our daughter Lake. That’s not going to happen now. I need to face that. Black wasn’t the only one hoping Petal and I would find a way to work it out. I’ve been longing for that since the day she left, and the last few months, we’ve been spending so much time together that hope has come back to life.

We’ve been trying to help River because he’s having trouble in school. At first the dinners and meetings were good, but the more time I spend with Petal, the more fucked up my head becomes. Tonight when she called to cancel our meeting—all because her mom demanded she attend a family dinner—I finally decided I had enough. Again, I was getting pushed aside for her mother. Again, I was on the outside looking in. I used to live for the day when she would proudly take me to these dinners—the man by her side, one she was proud of—and tell her mom to fuck off. That day never came. I’m nothing but the father of her son, and I swore to myself that I was done begging her to stay with me and fight for our marriage. There’s only so much a man’s pride can take. She left me. It’s over. I just need to keep reminding myself of that.

That realization is the reason I asked Tani if she wanted to go out for a drink. She suggested bowling, and I agreed without thinking. I look up beyond Black and see the family there, but I don’t see Petal. Instead, my gaze lands on Ida Sue and the smug look she’s giving me. I wish to fuck I had said no to bowling.

When Petal comes around the corner, I wish it even more.

“That ship has sailed, brother,” I tell Black, then prepare myself for Petal. I watch as she approaches, and Black must notice I’m distracted because he turns around too. She’s changed so much since I met her. The one thing that hasn’t changed is that she’s the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. She’s tiny. When I say that, I mean at 6’1” some of her brothers are a good three to four inches taller than me, but Petal’s not tall at all. She’s 5’5” and curvy as hell. She’s got an hourglass figure that has always brought me to my knees. Having River only made those curves deepen, her breasts larger, and fuck me, even with everything between us, she makes my heart speed up when she smiles. Tonight she’s got her warm caramel hair pulled into a ponytail on the top of her head, and every time she walks, it bounces and swishes around her. I have to tighten my hand into a fist to keep from physically reaching out to grab it. The times I did that when we were together will always be burnt into my memory. Her blue eyes remind me of cornflowers, deep in their hue and bright. Her eyes always make me think the sun itself shines out of them—unless she’s unhappy; that’s a look I can remember all too easily. Right now, I don’t have to remember because she’s looking right at me, and those eyes are dull and lifeless. I instinctively want to reach out and try to bring the light back into them. I have always wanted to do that. She never let me.

“Hi, Luka. I didn’t know you were coming here tonight,” she confesses, her soft voice diving deep inside of me like it always does. God, how this woman haunts me. We’ve been apart for over a year, and still it feels as if she lives inside of me.

“I suggested it,” Tani says, picking that moment to pop back in. She comes to stand beside me, and that feeling inside of me festers again when she puts her arm around my stomach, leaning into my side. How can it be cheating if the woman you love isn’t yours anymore? How can I feel guilt when Petal was the one to push me out of her life? I wish to fuck I knew, because the guilt is there just the same.

“Hi, Tani.” Petal smiles at her. “Nice to see you again,” she adds, and that fucking pisses me off. So adult. So fucking grown-up about it all. Would it be so much to ask if she could show just a little bit of jealousy? Something to let me know I’m not the only one who grieves over what we lost?

“You too, Petal. How have you b—?”

“Daddy! Daddy! I rolled the ball and knocked over pins!” River cries, running toward us. He doesn’t stop until he’s thrown his little body into me. I pick him up, instant warmth spreading through me. My son is everything good in this world and the one thing I’ve done that I take genuine pride in. He’s the best of me. I look over at Petal and see the love in her eyes shining for our son. River’s the best of both of us and the one thing that will always connect us.

The pain of that thought feels like it’s going to cut me in two. When her eyes lock onto mine, I see that same pain reflected back at me.

Why the fuck does this have to be so hard?

3

PETAL

“Luka Parish, are you ever going to kiss me?”

“You’re Black’s sister. He’d have my head.”

“Are you saying you’re afraid of my brother?”

“Hell no, but I haven’t even told him that we’re dating.”

“Does it matter that much?”

“Not really. I mean, we’re both old enough to make our own decisions. I would just feel better if I was upfront with him, honey.”

I love when Luka calls me honey. Especially since he thinks I’m actually my older sister Maggie. It kills me when he calls me Maggie. I hate that I lied to him, but I’m desperate. I need Luka to fall in love with me before he knows how young I am. I need him to be mine first. I need him to love me as much as I love him.

“How about you kiss me, and we’ll worry about my brother later? You may not even like kissing me,” I dare him, praying for time—just some time to make Luka realize I’m the only woman for him.

Present:

Lies have a way of trapping you. You’d think I would have learned that lesson by now, especially if those lies have anything to do with Luka Parish. Yet, that’s exactly what I do when River urges his father to join us bowling. I lie.

“Sure, join us, Luka. It’ll be fun. That’s if Tani here doesn’t mind us butting in on your date.” God, please say something, Tani. It’s not like she doesn’t know this is awkward.

“Sure, I think that’d be fun,” Tani says instead, and I barely know her, but right now I’d like to punch her.

“Okay,” Luka answers, and I can tell from the look on his face that he’s as thrilled about this new turn of events as I am.

“It’ll be okay, sis,” Black assures me, wrapping me into his side and walking back the way we came. I glance over my shoulder and see River walking between Luka and Tani, and the vision hurts me. It cuts me open inside. They look like a family. Anyone seeing them would think River is Tani’s child. That Luka is Tani’s man. It’s wrong. Wrong. Unfair. Viciously cruel and a blow that may kill me. I pull my gaze away from them and look straight ahead, all while fighting the sting of tears in my eyes.

“It hasn’t been okay in years, Black.”

“Then maybe it’s time you make it right.”

“How do I do that? I made so many mistakes, big brother.”

“Do you love him?”

“Since the moment I first saw him.”

“What’s that old saying? ‘All is fair in love and war’,” he recites, kissing the top of my head gently.

“Look what the cat dragged in,” Mom jeers as we make it to the upper bowling lanes off the ramp Luka and Tani had been bowling at earlier. This is the one bowling alley in Mason. It has three main areas. The first is full of video games, pool tables, air hockey, and an in-house diner that serves hamburgers, pizza, and hotdogs. The second contains bowling lanes for small groups, and then the upper deck is the one Mom always reserves. It’s three large lanes that has group tables for everyone to gather, and waitresses always come by and check if any of us want to order anything.

“Ida Sue,” Luka says, and I can tell he’s doing his best to hold back, ever mindful of River being around.

“Daddy is going to bowl with us, Gramma!” River yells excitedly.

“Yippee,” Ida Sue answers sarcastically. “Tani, I didn’t realize you and Luka were dating. Though, I guess that makes sense. Luka works so much, it’s hard for him to find a woman outside of his office.”

The tension intensifies into a physical thing.

“River, let’s go get some fries, and you can share them with your Dad,” C.C. says, taking my son by the hand.

“Yay!” River cries, oblivious to the tension among the adults.

Once River is out of earshot, Luka growls quietly. “Ida Sue, you need to stop.”

“What? I was just pointing out how hard you work. I guess your father never taught you the old saying about not eating where you shit.”

“I think we better be going,” Tani suggests nervously.

“Yeah, I think we should,” Luka agrees.

“Miracles never end. For once we totally agree,” Mom responds.

I need to make a decision here. Maybe I’m a masochist. I should just let Luka leave, but I can’t let this continue. It’s already ugly. With as much hate that lies between these two, it is bound to get even uglier.

“Mom, shut up.”

Ida Sue jerks her head around to stare at me in shock, and she should. I’ve rarely ever talked back to my mother. I should have sooner. God knows I should have.

“River wants his father here tonight,” I go on, “and as much as you don’t like it, Luka has every right to be here. He’s River’s father. He’s Black’s friend, and he’s my… He’s the father of my child,” I finish lamely, unable to say what I want to. “If you can’t respect that, then you need to be the one to leave,” I add quietly. My heart is pounding, but I’m tired. I’m so damned tired, and seeing Luka kiss another woman has shattered something precious inside of me.

“That’s it, sis. It’s time to take control, and I know more than anyone that you love Luka. It’s time for you to do something about it—past time. I’m proud of you, little sister,” Black whispers into my ear.

“I’d put more trust in that if it wasn’t coming from a man whose idea of a long term relationship is using the same brand of coffee every day,” I mutter, only breathing when Mom curses, stomping off. Shit.

“Hey, when you find something good, you hold onto it and don’t let go,” he says with a wink, pulling away from me.

“I guess I should go after her,” I tell him, looking in the direction that our mother disappeared to.

“No. Let her stew for a bit. She’ll get over it eventually. She just may make your life hell in the meantime.”

“That’s what I like about you, Black. You’re so encouraging.”

“It’s what I do,” he jokes before going to stand with the others. “Your turn, Luka,” Black says. I look over at Luka and try to smile. He’s watching me closely, surprise on his face. Black walks between us, breaking the eye contact, and I go over to White and Kayla, hoping and praying that I get through this without Luka and Tani kissing again.

4

LUKA

“Luka, make love to me,” my girl pleads, looking up at me. We’re stretched out on the seat of my truck, her under me, and her body pressed into mine.

“I don’t want to take your virginity in the front seat of my old truck, Pixie. You deserve more than that.”

“I want to belong to you.”

“You do. You’re mine, I’m yours. That’s not changing.”

“Don’t you want to make love to me?” she asks, and even in the darkened cab I can see the tears well up in her eyes—eyes that have wrapped me up in their spell since the first day I saw her, eyes that should never cry. As one big tear slides off of her eyelashes and down her face, I kiss it away.

“More than you will ever know, sweetheart. We just need to wait until your family knows I’m your man, until—”

“No one else matters, Luka. I know you’re my man. Please make love to me. Make me yours in every way,” she pleads, and there’s no way I’m strong enough to deny her. She’s right. She’s mine, and I’m never letting her go.

Present:

Is that what I am now? Just the father of her child? Her words wound—even as the fact that she stood up to Ida Sue soothes me. We’ve been bowling for an hour, and it’s been an hour of pure torture, and yet I can’t make myself leave. Gray, C.C., Kayla, and Tani have gone to the restaurant on the first floor of the building. Ida Sue disappeared as soon as Petal called her out, and now Black, White, Petal, and I are the only ones left. Petal’s off by herself with River. They’re coloring. I watch them while Black and White are talking. I couldn’t for the life of me tell you what they are saying. In fact, their voices are annoying the hell out of me. I can’t pull my face away from my family. Mine. Why can’t Petal see that?

I walk over to her, leaving her brothers behind. Her gaze comes up to me once I’m standing beside her. The words I want to say freeze in my throat. I take the easy escape and direct my attention to my son. “Mommy helping you color?”

“Mommy colors pretty,” River says, and I look over at Petal and give her a smile.

“That she does,” I agree while staring at her. “Can I talk to you over here for a minute?” I ask Petal, trying to get up my nerve.

“Uh… sure. Mommy will be right over there, little man,” she says, moving her fingers through his shaggy hair and then following me to the corner. “What’s up?” she asks, putting her hands in her back pockets. The move thrusts her breasts out, and for a moment I allow myself the pleasure of staring at them. I can’t resist. With most women, I would think it was something she did on purpose—a way of flaunting her body and teasing me with what I can’t have anymore. We’ve been apart too long for that to be the purpose, however. Plus, I know Petal, and because I know her, I realize that this is a nervous gesture for her. It’s how she stops herself from fidgeting with her hands.

“I’m sorry about tonight. I didn’t realize you would be here, or I wouldn’t have come here. With Tani, I mean.”

“I don’t have a problem with Tani,” she says, refusing to look in my eyes.

“Good, then,” I answer, suddenly feeling stupid.

“I mean, we’ve been divorced for over a year really. I was bound to see you out on a date sooner or later,” she continues. She’s right, and I guess that’s just one more sign that I’m stupid.

“You’re right. I was just worrying for nothing. I didn’t want you to be uncomfortable.”

“I’m fine, Luka,” she answers—her voice tight. “We’re in the past.”

“I know. Trust me, I know more than anyone. I wasn’t the one who walked away,” I growl. I lean into her, my hand goes up on the wall boxing her in aggressively. No one pushes my buttons like this woman.

“What do you want from me, Luka? Do you want to hear me say that I hate seeing you with other women? Of course I do. Wouldn’t it bother you if you saw me with another man?”

“I’d want to kill him,” I growl, leaning even closer to her and lowering my voice so no one but us can hear the conversation. Her eyes go round, even dilating, right before I see the anger spark inside of them.

“You don’t think I don’t feel the exact same thing? What do you want from me, Luka? We’re divorced. It’s over!”

“And whose fault is that, Petal? You didn’t give me a choice in that either. Fuck it. I’m done with this. I can’t keep cutting my heart out over you.” Anger is so thick in my words that you can cut it with a knife. It’s ridiculous that after all of the lies between us that I let Petal get to me. She walked out on me, and here I am a year after our divorce, still being drawn to her. I’m a fucking idiot.

I push away from the wall, away from her. I need out of here. I’ll tell River goodbye and pick Tani up at the restaurant and then I’ll grab a bottle and drink until I just don’t give a fuck anymore. “Little man, Daddy’s gonna go. I’ll pick you up tomorrow after I get off work, okay?”

“I don’t want you to leave. Can’t you go home with me and Mommy?” he asks innocently.

I look over at Petal, and in that moment, I think I hate her. Petal swallows, her teeth coming down to gnaw on the corner of her mouth.

“I’m sorry, buddy. But we’ll have fun tomorrow. I promise.” I kneel down and pull him into my arms.

He pulls back to look me in the eyes. “You promise?”

“I promise. Now don’t you cry on me. What does Daddy always tell you?”

“Big boys don’t cry.”

“Exactly. Now you turn back around and continue drawing me a pretty picture to hang on the fridge at home. This is good. Who is it?” I ask, looking down at his picture to distract him. The paper he’s drawing on has circles on it and lines around them. Experience has taught me that these are people and hair.

“That’s me,” he says, pointing, “and this is you, and this is Mommy holding my bunny w’abbit.”

“You don’t have a bunny rabbit, little man,” I tell him, my heart hurting at his picture… at what I’ve lost.

“You can buy me one,” he says so innocently. Petal even manages a laugh, even though it’s stiff.

“We’ll see, buddy. Now who else is in the picture?”

“That’s your girlfriend Tan-knee.”

Petal’s indrawn breath makes me look at her. Her face is pale white, and those blue eyes are shining extra bright… with moisture. I manage to get up and walk away without another word.

It’s over. I can’t let this pain swallow me up. Petal wanted this. I don’t have a choice.

5

PETAL

“Luka, what are you doing here?”

“You’ve been avoiding me, and I need to know why.”

“I’m not avoiding you. I’ve been sick. You have to leave before my brothers see you. Or worse, my mom.” I panic, closing the door behind me so they can’t hear him from inside. I need to lead him away from the front yard. Shit. I need him to get his truck out of here. If they see him, and he tells them we’re dating…

“No.”

“I’ll meet you this evening,” I urge him, heat and terror filling my body. “What did you say?”

“I said I’m not leaving. We’re going to finally tell your family we’re dating. I’m tired of hiding the fact that I’m in love with the most beautiful, amazing woman I’ve ever met in my life.”

“Luka, hey man. I didn’t know you were coming over. I’m getting ready to leave, bro,” Black says, coming out of the door, and my stomach flips. I see disaster crashing down on me, and I can’t do anything but watch.

Present:

“What the hell has crawled up your ass?” Maggie mutters at me after I take her head off for not rinsing out her cereal bowl. She’s right. I am bitchy as hell. I wish I could blame it on PMS, but I can’t. I feel raw inside and have since Luka left the bowling alley. It’s been a week, and each day that goes by only intensifies the pain and anger inside of me. Black keeps urging me to tell Luka how I feel, but what if Black is wrong? What if too much time has passed? It’s been over a year now. That’s a long time and a lot of water under the bridge.

“Try not to mention anything crawling into asses around the table. It skeeves me out to even discuss that knowing what Mom and Jansen do on this table.”

“Oh please, like you haven’t done worse,” she says. I let it go. If she only knew. Luka was my first, and he’ll probably be my last. I seem to be dead below the waist ever since we broke up. Even self-love is boring and just not worth it. And though Luka and I had a great sex life, it’s been so long that I think I’ve forgotten what sex feels like.

“I need chocolate,” I grumble, pushing my spoon around in my cereal, not hungry.

“Maybe what you need is to get laid. Jesus, now that I think about it, you haven’t even gone on a date since Robert, that college professor!”

“Oh, God. Do not even mention him. And he wasn’t a college professor. He was going to college. He was a teacher’s aide.”

“Ehh, same thing,” Maggie says, stuffing the last of her buttered toast into her mouth.

“No, it’s not. It’s not even close to the same thing, and you know what I can’t figure out? How someone could look that good and be so…”

“So what?” she asks around the toast. Maggie doesn’t know the meaning of etiquette. At least I can’t see her food while she’s eating since she’s stuffing more in. That’s an improvement.

“Boring,” I finish.

“Snooze-fest?”

“Watching paint dry was more interesting than listening to him talk. I swear I fell asleep on him in the middle of a concert.”

“Get out of town. Who was the concert of?”

“Banjo Bob and the Down Home Band.”

“You’re shitting me!” she cries, then busts out in laughter. Even in the mood I’m in, I manage to find my smile.

“What’s so funny?” Black asks, entering the kitchen and making a beeline for the gigantic box of Lucky Charms. I watch as he fills up a giant bowl—the kind you buy a pint of ice cream in. Mom washes them out and saves them as plastic containers to store leftovers. He pours some milk into the bowl and then walks toward us. He’s dressed in jeans and a black buttoned-up shirt today. Since he got promoted to detective, it’s been hard getting used to him not wearing his uniforms. He works in Dallas, but ever since he broke up with his girlfriend, he’s been staying here. He says he’s waiting for his crazy ex to move out of their apartment. I don’t know that any bitch is worth hiding out for. I’d just file a restraining order and tell her to stay the fuck away, but what do I know?

“Remember that dude Petal dated awhile back? Robert?” Maggie asks, pulling my attention back to the here and now.

“Yeah, I didn’t like the look of that guy,” Black answers while sitting down and spooning a huge bite of cereal into his mouth. “He reminded me too easily of the men I arrest every day.”

“He took her to a Banjo Bob concert.”

If she doesn’t stop laughing, I may dump the rest of my cereal on her head.

“Who’s that?” Black asks, barely looking up from his bowl.

“The dude who has a call-in radio show in the mornings. He gives banjo lessons in between songs,” I interject before Maggie can irritate me further.

“What the fuck kind of radio stations do you listen to?” Black asks, shaking his head.

I stick my tongue out at him. “I didn’t say I listened. I was only explaining who he was.”

“How did you know how to explain who he was if you don’t listen to him?” Maggie asks innocently and thus irritating me even more.

“Fuck off,” I grumble.

“Do you kiss your Momma with that mouth?” Maggie laughs.

“She never kisses her Momma. She’s too busy bitching at me.”

“You usually deserve it,” I grumble when my mom comes in the kitchen at just the right moment. She has a gift for showing up when she shouldn’t.

“I swear I don’t know how I raised such a surly child. What’s got your panties all knotted up now?” Mom asks, and the cereal I didn’t want looks even less appetizing now. I take the bowl to the sink, giving up all pretense of eating.

“That’s the problem: nothing is happening to her panties. I think it’s time I set my sister up on a few dates,” Maggie explains, striking fear in my heart.

“What would you do that for? I thought you liked Petal,” Black says, looking up at me with a wink.

“Because someone has to help her out. I’m pretty sure the last time she got laid, Bushes were involved.”

“Aren’t bushes involved every time you get laid? Well, unless anal is your cup of tea. I don’t dabble in that too much, though. Those are the few muscles I do not want getting weak. The last thing I need to do is shit myself and have you ingrates send me to a nursing home before my time,” Mom mutters.

“I am not sitting at a table where my mother discusses having anal sex,” Black growls.

“I was talking about having a Bush in the Whitehouse,” Maggie mutters. “And I second what Black said. Please for the love of all that is holy, do not talk about having anal sex. That’s a mental picture I never need.”

“I’m surprised you two find that anal sex bothers you the most, out of all the things Mom has said before,” I tell them, shaking my head. I need out of here. Just… out.

“There’s just some things a man doesn’t need to picture. Some very sacred things. And one of those is seeing his mom bent over and taking it up the ass,” Black growls, following me to the sink.

“Oh, give it a rest, Black. Do you expect me to believe you haven’t ever taken a ride on the Hershey highway?”

I hear Maggie cry in disbelief as Mom does what Mom always does: say things that scare the fuck out of us.

“That, right there, is why Blue is the way he is,” Black announces, talking about his twin brother. Blue is the quiet one out of all of us. He talks pretty good around family, but he’s deathly quiet everywhere else. There’s speculation he’s even a virgin.

“There’s nothing wrong with my Blue. He’s just quiet. He had to share a womb with you, and you probably never shut up. It’s not his fault he’s quiet.”

“I’m never going to be able to look at old women in the nursing home the same.” This comes from my sister Mary, short for Marigold. She’s the youngest out of all of us. She’s just turning nineteen. I envy her. I wish I could go back to nineteen and do everything over. I’m not sure I had a lot of options, but I know I would have tried to talk to Luka more—and be more honest.

“You need to quit working in that damned nursing home and go off and see the world,” Mom complains.

“There’s nothing I want to see. And besides, I write! I love writing! I’m almost finished with my second novel!”

“How many people bought your first one? Writing is never going to pay the bills, Marigold,” Maggie says. I want to argue with her, but she could be right; Maggie was always the more practical out of all of us girls.

“Working in the nursing home is good too, plus it pays the bills. I enjoy the job. Or rather, I did. Now every time I’m called in to clean a patient and it’s a woman, I’m going to wonder how much anal sex she had in her life and if that really makes your muscles weak back there.”

“And that’s my cue to get the fuck out of dodge. Mags, you do not fix Petal up with any of your rejects,” Black warns.

“Hey! They’re good guys and anyone is better than no one! The woman is growing cobwebs down there.”

“Oh dear God, will you shut up, Maggie?” I exclaim. “It doesn’t matter if I have cobwebs down there or not. They’re mine.”

“She’s not growing cobwebs,” Mary says calmly, looking up at me with a smile that should probably chill me to the bone. Mary and I are closer in age than the rest. Which makes us walk this love/hate relationship a little deeper than the rest of us.

“How do you know?” Maggie asks.

I swear, despite being a school principal, she is the most juvenile of any of us. Except maybe Cyan.

“She spends half her check from the Curl Up And Dye Salon in batteries.”

Yep, I knew she was trouble. I don’t bother denying it. It’s not half, but rechargeable batteries are not cheap, and contrary to popular belief, do not last forever.

“Maybe I should fix her up. Petal’s already proven that she has bad taste in men. I can find someone that would be perfect for her,” Mom says.

The entire table yells, “No!” all at once.

“I don’t know where I went wrong with you monkeys. A bunch of goober-heads, the lot of you.”

“I’ll fix Petal up,” Black announces.

I sigh. “How about we all stop the who-is-going-to-fix-up-our-poor-little-sister game? I don’t want to date anyone. My time and my focus needs to be on River right now.”

“No, it doesn’t. I’ll fix you up,” Maggie decides, already scrolling through her damned phone.

“Oh! Oh! I know a guy you would love!” This comes from Mary, which might be the scariest thing about this whole conversation. I’ve seen the men Maggie is drawn to. No, thank you.

“I’ll be fixing her up. It’s clear I have good taste. Jansen is a good man,” Mom says, and I’m just wondering how I can run away to join the circus. I have plenty of experience. Hell, all they have to do is spend ten minutes with my family and know that.

“Give in, Petal. I’m your one shot at normalcy here, and besides, I have a plan,” Black whispers in my ear, and I want to scream.

“What kind of plan?” I ask him. There’s a look on his face that intrigues me.

“Tell them you’re picking me, then follow me outside,” he instructs, and I should worry about the smile he gives me. Instead of worrying, however, I do like I always do with my family: I cave.

“Fine! Black can set me up!”

“Damn skippy.” He laughs, taking one of Mom’s terms. I hold my head down, pinch my nose, and close my eyes, as the rest of them fight amongst themselves.

I have a feeling I’m going to regret this.

6

PETAL

“You’re pregnant.”

“I’m not. I just have the flu,” I tell him, but I can feel the panic inside of me. He’s right. I know he is—I just can’t face it right now. I’m only sixteen, and Luka can’t stand me. I don’t know anything about being a mother…

“Don’t lie to me, Petal. You’ve been sick for weeks—every morning, just like clockwork.”

“Black, please, just let it go.”

“I can’t do that, sis. I’m going to go kill that bastard.”

“No. It’s not his fault, Black. None of this is his fault.”

“He may not have known the truth about your age—”

“Or who I was. He didn’t even know my real name, Black. He thought I was my sister.”

“Fuck.”

“I can’t face him. I can’t—”

“You have to tell him you’re pregnant, little sister. Either you do, or I will.”

Present:

I follow Black outside, and for some reason, I’m filled with nerves. He turns to look at me, and that grin he has on his face does nothing to ease my nerves—at all.

“So,” Black says, rubbing his hands together like a little kid.

“What’s percolating in that wee little brain of yours, Black?”

“Little sister, is that any way to talk to the brother who loves you?”

“I know that look, and nothing good ever comes from it,” I say, laughing. Black smirks at me.

When you’re blessed with a huge family, you tend to have a love/hate relationship with all of them. But, invariably you tend to have one person you click with the best. My sister Maggie is closer with Green than any of the rest of us. White and Black are close, but White has always been kind of a loner. Gray definitely leans on White more than the rest of us, and Cyan and Mary are really close. Black and Blue are twins, and their relationship is different from any other, but Black and I share a unique relationship. He has always felt responsible for me, and when I was pregnant with River, he was the one who was always there for me. He didn’t judge me for lying to Luka. He held my hand and let me cry. When his girlfriend turned into the she-bitch from Hell, I was the one he would call at night and complain to. I love my big brother. Right now I can already tell he has something up his sleeve. I’m just wondering how me dating fits into it.

“You still love Luka.”

“Black—”

“Don’t bother denying it, you already admitted it at the bowling alley.”

“I’m not denying it. It would be stupid to try. I just don’t see how it possibly matters at this point. The fact that Luka was out with Tani clearly shows he’s moving on.”

“Didn’t look like he was moving on to me—especially when he had you pinned against the wall,” Black responds.

“He was upset—”

“Petal, a man doesn’t react like that to a woman he’s over. The question is, do you want him?”

“Black—”

“Be honest with me, little sister.”

“Of course I do,” I answer giving up all defenses.

“You’ll have to tune out everyone this time, Petal,” Black warns.

“I know, it’s just—”

“No listening to Mom or Luka’s dad. None of it. You’re going to have to trust yourself and trust in Luka.”

“You make that sound so easy.”

“What choice do you have, Petal? You can either try or lose him forever. You can’t keep going like this. You need to decide before it’s too late,” Black says, and for once, he’s completely serious. I’d be lying if I didn’t say I wasn’t terrified, but I also know that Black is right. Seeing Luka with Tani made it clear that Luka is moving on—without me. Can I get him back? Can I make him happy? How will I handle his father?

“Petal, what have you got to lose?” Black encourages me.

“Then, I say we begin Operation Get Luka Back.”

“That’s my little sister,” he says, grinning.

I fight down my nerves and try to smile back at him—and pray I’m not making a mistake.

7

LUKA

“Luka! Stop! You have to let me explain!” Petal cries from the front door. “Luka, please!”

I stop five feet from my truck. My heart slams against my chest like a fucking sledgehammer. I feel sick all over. How the fuck did I let her take me for a ride like this? How could she have lied to me for fucking months and I never knew?

“What the fuck can you explain Mag—Petal?” I ask, and it feels like the words come out in a moan that is torn from my soul. “Can you explain why you fucking lied to me every fucking day for months? Can you tell me why the fuck you played me for a fool?”

“It wasn’t like that, Luka! It wasn’t!”

“Then how was it?” I cry. I feel like my heart is shattering into a million pieces.

“I love you, Luka! I knew you wouldn’t want me if you knew how old I was, I knew, and I had—”

“Had to lie to me? Had to fucking make me fall in love with a kid? Christ, you weren’t even legal when we met! Do you realize your mother is in there right now threatening to have me arrested? How do you think a statutory rape charge will look on my FBI application? You knew how important that job was to me. You knew, and you put everything important to me in jeopardy!”

“I love you, Luka! I wanted to be important to you. We can—”

“We can’t do anything. You don’t know what love is. You’re a kid—a selfish, spoiled fucking kid!” I hurl at her. I hear her crying my name, and her tears hurt me, but the anger inside of me is stronger. And the betrayal… God, the betrayal is drowning me from the inside out.

Present:

“Hey, Luka man, I need to talk to you for a minute.”

“What’s up, Daniel?”

“Can we talk in your office?” He looks around the front lobby of the Sheriff’s office. Daniel is my best deputy. He’s usually laidback and easy-going, but he’s clearly uncomfortable now.

“Sure.” I shrug, wondering what is bothering him. “Have a seat, man. What’s up? You’re not about to quit, are you?”

“What? Oh! Hah! Hell no, you wish. Nah, man. I heard something at the diner today that might not sit well with you. I wanted to give you a heads-up.”

“Please tell me the mayor isn’t getting ready to fuck us over again on the budget.”

“Shit, man, you’d know more about that than me.”

He’s right. The mayor is my father, and he’s an asshole on the best of days. It’d be just like him to cut the budget again, mostly because he wants me to resign and apply for the Bureau again. I’ve been kicking it around not because I really want to, but because it might be good to get some more distance between me and Petal. The only reason I haven’t is because the idea of not seeing my son every day hurts me.

“Tell me what’s up, man.”

“Craig Weston was at the diner,” he says, rubbing the back of his neck.

“What nonsense was that blow-hard spouting today? How he ever got that fucking job in Dallas is beyond me.”

“Well, Boss, he was talking to Black, and—”

“Black Lucas? I thought Black couldn’t stand the asshole.”

“Yeah, I thought that too, but that’s just the thing. They seemed really friendly.”

“Shit. Who knows? Maybe Craig is less of an asshole since working in the city.”

“Come on, Boss. You don’t believe that shit.” Daniel laughs.

“Not for a minute,” I agree.

“Well, the thing is, Black was setting the bastard up on a date—with his sister.”

“You’re kidding. Jesus, why would he do that to Maggie or hell, even Mary? Fuck, I would have thought he would watch over both of them better than that, though I guess anything is better than the idiots they usually—”

“It was Petal, Boss. He was setting him up to go out with Petal,” Daniel says, and it takes everything I have inside of me not to react.

“Maybe they’ll hit it off,” I tell him, and my voice stays as calm as I can make it. I’m almost proud of myself.

“You mean you’re okay with him taking out your—?”

“She’s not my anything, Daniel. Not anymore. River is the only thing Petal and I have in common.” Maybe if I repeat it enough, I will start to believe it.

“You two have been spending more and more time together, and I know you went out with Tani and all, but I just thought—”

“You thought wrong. There’s one bright side to this, however.” I force a laugh out as I get up. Daniel follows suit and follows me back into the lobby.

“What’s that?” he asks, and I don’t think he’s buying my act, but he knows better than to question me further.

“Couldn’t wish a nicer mother-in-law on Craig, that’s for damned sure,” I joke, ignoring the pain the thought of Petal marrying another man—any man—brings me.

Daniel laughs, as I knew he would and says something in return that I don’t really pay attention to it. I finish up going through the paperwork Tani laid out for me and then make an excuse to leave. The air in the office seems stifled. I can’t breathe.

I just need to get away…

8

PETAL

“Luka. I know you’re mad at me, but can you let me in? We need to talk,” I whisper into the door. I’ve been knocking for ten minutes. I see his truck outside in front of the garage, so I know he’s here. I’ve also seen movement behind the curtains in the window. It’s been almost five weeks since he left my house. Five miserable weeks and I hate that I’m here. I wish I didn’t have to be.

“Luka’s not here,” Mr. Parish says, coming out in his fancy suit. I watch as he adjusts his jacket and tie before even bothering to look at me, and when he does, the look makes me nauseated. He doesn’t like me. He hates me. He hates my whole family. That’s never been a secret. The only difference between now and when I was dating Luka is that now I’ve given him reason to hate me. “What are you doing here?”

“I need to speak with Luka. It’s urgent.”

“I think you’ve had your nails dug into my boy enough. Luka wants nothing more to do with you and I, for one, couldn’t be happier. You need to go back across town to the white trash family you belong to. Luka won’t hear any more of your lies.”

“You don’t understand, Mr. Parish. This is important.”

“Your mother was in the local police station today trying to have my son arrested. What could you possibly have to say to my boy? You and that damned hippy mother of yours need to stay away, Lotus Petal, or so help me God, I’ll make it my mission to bury you—all of you. Christ, I can’t even fathom my son talking to a woman who doesn’t even have a real damned name.”

“What? Mom wouldn’t do that. Luka’s not to blame for this! He didn’t know!” I feel the tears and panic welling inside of me. Why would Mom do that? Why would she make this whole situation worse?

“You’re damned right he didn’t know, and now that he does know just how much of a liar you are, he wants nothing to do with you. He’s even asked me to get a restraining order on you. He wants you far away from him.

“A restraining order? But he can’t do that! I’m pregnant, and we have to—”

“My son is gone today signing his papers to go for training at Quantico. He is going places, and nothing you do will keep him from that. You try to pin him as father to that low-class spawn you’re carrying and it will be the last thing any of your family does. You got a brother, right? Wanting to move up in the state police department in Dallas? Or how about that brother of yours, the star football player? He’s looking to go free agent, right? He’s thinking he has millions to put in his pocket. You mess with me, and I have enough connections, none of that will happen.”

“But… Luka deserves to know about his baby.”

“If it’s even his. Women like you spread their legs for anyone, looking for someone to keep you up. Try it and see what happens to your brothers’ careers. Not to mention the mortgage application your mother filled out for that big farm she’s trying to fix up.”

I step back as he disappears back in the house. I know he’s probably watching me through the windows. I hate that I’m crying, but I can’t stop the tears.

I’m all alone.

Present:

“Black, I’m not so sure about this,” I whisper into the mirror, looking at my reflection. When I say I’m not so sure, I mean I’m terrified this is a horrible idea that is going to backfire.

“Damn, my baby sister is a stone cold fox,” Black says, looking me over.

“And it just got weirder,” I mutter, shaking my head.

“Hey, if you got it, flaunt it.” He shrugs.

“I don’t think that’s the kind of attitude a brother should have with his sister,” I mumble.

“Normally I’d agree, but we’re going to have to pull out the big guns to get Luka to cave.”

“He might not,” I whisper, my biggest fear.

“One look at you in that dress and he’ll cave, baby sister. He’ll cave.”

He’s trying to be reassuring, I know, but I’m afraid this is all hopeless. Seeing Luka out with Tani scared me. Even after I left, I never truly imagined him with another woman—which is stupid, I admit it, but it’s true. Luka is mad at me. He has so much anger inside, and it’s directed at me. Even though he tries to keep it hidden, there are times I see it and feel it coming off of him in waves. He doesn’t know the real reason I left and probably never will. Still, he hasn’t left Mason. He’s still here and barely talks to his father now. What if I can have him back? What if I can have Luka after all this time? If there’s the slightest chance, would it be so wrong to grab it?

Which brings me to Black’s plan. Step one happens to be: make Luka jealous—which brings me to what Black and I are doing right now.

Black is getting me ready for a date—that I don’t want to go on. He showed up tonight carrying a large box, and I should have known I was in trouble by the look of pure glee on his face. He reminded me of a kid in a candy factory. Now that I think about it, I’m not sure why the damned box was so big. There’s absolutely nothing to this dress. It’s so short! The minute I sit down I’m going to be flashing my girl bits everywhere. It’s tight and black with no sleeves, barely covers my boobs, leaving way too much cleavage to the naked eye—and it’s backless. I’ve seen pillowcases with more material than this dress. I feel almost nude, and for someone like me—whose body isn’t exactly swimsuit ready—that’s not a good feeling.

“One look at me in this dress and they’ll call Luka to come get me and throw me in jail for indecent exposure!” I complain.

“All the better. We won’t have to depend on word of mouth. He’ll see it himself—close up.”

“I hope he’s not too close, because any minute now my boobs are going to pop out of this tight fabric. If he’s standing too close, my nipple will probably put his eye out.”

“I’d rather not comment on my sister’s nipples—”

“Now you’re going to get all politically correct?” I ask, shaking my head.

“Of course, if they do, try to aim at his mouth instead of his eye. It will be half the battle.”

“I think I hate you,” I mutter.

“Don’t hate the player, hate the game,” he teases with a smirk. “Now I think you need to wear your hair up like this more often,” he adds, standing back a few steps to look at me.

My hand comes up to the back of my neck self-consciously. “Uh… why?”

“A man likes it when a woman wears her hair up. Gives us ideas.”

“Can I ask what kind of ideas?” I have to know what he says next—even if I’m a little afraid to hear it. All this time, I thought Black was the sane sibling in my family.

“We see a good-looking woman with her hair up, and all we can think about is getting her somewhere and taking it down.”

“That could be a problem. In fact, Black, I think we need to call all of this off. It’s a waste of time.”

“Why would you say that, Petal? Talk to me. I thought you loved Luka.”

“I do,” I sigh, feeling miserable.

“Then I don’t see the problem. Unless you’re okay with the man you love moving on to another woman.”

“Of course not, but maybe she could make him happy. Maybe I’m—”

“Petal, you really need to stop. You and Luka love each other—”

“He—” I start to deny it, but Black wraps his hands around my shoulders and holds me still while his eyes bore into me through the reflection of the mirror we’re standing in front of.

“He does love you, Petal. A blind man can see that. A man doesn’t go without having a woman in his life for over a year unless he’s still carrying a major torch for his ex.”

“He’s dating Tani,” I whisper, my biggest fear. “Maybe I’m too late.”

“It was one date, and he spent most of his night with you and our family. But I’m not going to lie to you, little sister. You are running out of time. If you want Luka, you’re going to have to fight for him like you never have in the past.”

“I’m scared, Black.” I admit the cold hard truth, and I let my guard down enough that I know he can see the fear in my eyes.

“You don’t have to be scared, Petal. Whatever happens, you’re not alone. I’m right here with you, and I have your back.”

“I know… it’s just… there’s so much history between Luka and me.”

“Luka doesn’t know the real reason you went through the divorce, does he?”

“No. I wouldn’t do that to him. I had already ruined so much for him.”

“That sounds like his father talking, not you. Petal, you need to ask yourself something. If Luka wanted to get rid of you and wanted another life so much, why is he still here in Mason a year later?”

Before I can answer, the doorbell rings. Black and I are alone at the house tonight—which rarely happens. Mary is out on a date, Cyan’s out God-knows-where, and Jansen took Mom out to dinner. Which is good. The last thing I need is for my family to see me dressed like I am and to quiz my date. I may not want to go out with the guy, but I don’t want my family to embarrass the crap out of me in front of him either.

“I’ll go answer the door. You put on those hooker shoes I brought that go with the dress.”

“Umm… Black, I can’t wear these. I’ll kill myself in them!”

“Nonsense. You’re a woman; walking in heels is second nature.”

“In your world, maybe. Where did you get these anyway?”

“Oh, the whole outfit was left over in the evidence room at work.”

“Wait. The evidence room?” I ask, and suddenly I’m scared for a completely different reason.

“Yeah. Don’t worry, I had them cleaned.”

“Oh. My. God. Whose dress am I wearing, Black?!!”

“Now, Petal…”

“Don’t you ‘Petal’ me. When you said hooker shoes, did you actually mean a hooker’s shoes?”

“Hey. Hookers are people too, Petal. Besides, it’s not like she’ll need them anymore,” he points out, backing away from me and heading for the kitchen.

“Please tell me she didn’t die in this dress,” I whisper, holding my head down and pinching the bridge of my nose.

“Does that really matter? It’s not like she was shot or stabbed…”

“So she did die…”

“We’re all going to die someday,” he calls from the kitchen.

“How did she die?” I cry out.

“Don’t worry, there’s no slashes in the dress from a knife or bullet holes. She was strangled.”

“I’m going to strangle you,” I growl. I stomp over to my closet, intent on finding a dress that I could wear on this crazy date. “There’s no way I’m wearing this damned dress. I can’t believe my idiot brother and I thought he was the smart one in the family…” I’m muttering away, mostly under my breath, violently shoving clothes out of the way.

“Petal?” Black has the gall to be smiling.

“I’m going to kill you, and there’s going to be bullet holes involved!”

“Petal, sweetheart, you have company.”

“Your buddy will just have to wait until—”

“It’s Luka,” Black says, and my stomach feels like it drops down to my feet. I stand there in shock as my brother walks to me. “Told you this would work. Remember, aim the nipple towards the mouth,” he whispers in my ear.

As soon as I learn how to speak again, I really am going to kill him.

9

LUKA

“What the fuck was that for?” I growl at Black, holding my jaw he just rammed his fist into. My first instinct was to fight back, but he and I have always gotten along even after the mess with Petal.

“Get up from there and fight me, you fucking son of a bitch!” he yells. He looks mad as hell, and the anger is all directed at me—which pisses me off to no end. I’m the one who got fucked over by his sister. I’m the one his mother tried to get arrested. Where in the hell does he get off?

I feel like a chump because I’m lying on the ground. Shit. Black’s punch caught me off-guard and rang my jaw. It hurts like a bitch, and there’s blood oozing from the corner of my mouth.

“What the fuck is your damage, man? I told you I didn’t know your sister was only sixteen! I would have never touched her if I had known! If I knew what a lying bitch she was, I wouldn’t have touched her regardless of her age! I wish to God I never met her!”

“You bastard!” Black screams like a crazy person. Fuck, maybe that entire family is unhinged.

Before I have time to react or do anything, he falls down on me, delivering punch after punch to my abdomen and face. I do my best to fend off the hits, and I get a few in myself. The truth is, from where I’m at, it’s hard to get a good angle. I’m getting the shit beat out of me.

I manage to redeem myself enough that Black gets off of me and stands up. I look up at him, the sun is glaring in my eyes, but I see a little blood on his face, so I don’t feel like a total loser. It’s then I notice that it’s not just Black standing there looking like he wants me dead. Fuck. It’s Black, Gray, White, Green, Blue and Cyan… I literally have a rainbow of men wanting to kill me. Jesus.

Dad was right. I should have been more careful where I stuck my dick.

“You need to leave Mason and never fucking come back!” Cyan says, spitting down at my feet, and I swear if I was able, I’d get up and beat the damned asshole. The sad fact is, I’m not. I have to wonder if Black broke a rib or two. Shit, I think my face is swelling.

“You come near our sister again, and I’ll bury you so deep, the crows won’t even find your ass,” Blue threatens me, and his words don’t ring false at all. He’s usually the quiet one of the family, and right now I’m sure he’s completely serious. He delivers his own kick in my side.

I use my hands to push myself off the ground, feeling like a chump. Each of them add their little warnings, and then finally Black is back in front. He grabs some papers out of his back pocket and throws them down at me. “I thought better of you, man. You make me sick. Stay away from my sister, stay away from my family!” I watch as they walk away and then bring my attention back to the papers. One is a check from my dad’s account for fifty thousand, and the other is a note from our family attorney. As I read each line, I feel sick inside.

It’s money for an abortion. Petal is pregnant… with my baby…

Present:

“What the hell are you wearing?” I growl before I can stop myself. When Petal walks into the room, I instantly want to smack her ass and make her go put some clothes on. Is this what she thinks she’s going to wear out on a date with that douche canoe? She’d better think again.

“Luka? What are you doing here? Is River okay?”

“River’s fine. He’s with Mom.” Petal frowns at my words, and that pisses me off too. “Don’t give me that look. He’s fine. My father is out of town at some government conference.” She doesn’t want River around my father, and to be honest, I don’t either—at least not alone. Still, she should know I’d never let my son stay somewhere that wasn’t safe. My parents have been apart for years—a fact my father hates my mother for. It doesn’t matter she left him because he’s a fucking asshole. In my father’s eyes she’s the reason for his failed bid for congress.

“Fine. That still doesn’t tell me what you are doing here.”

“You are not going out with that fuckwad Craig.”

“How do you know I have a date?”

“Please. We live in a small town. The minute you said yes, it was spread from county line to county line. And while we are on the subject, what are you doing having your brother fix you up on dates?”

“Gee, I don’t know! Maybe because my ex was out on a date and they think that’s a sign that I need to be getting out more and stop grieving my marriage.”

“Like you grieved our marriage? You’re the one who walked out.”

“You’re being an ass right now, Luka.”

“That’s better than showing my ass. What the hell do you have on?”

“It’s a dress.”

“That’s not a dress. It’s a fucking bikini.”

“It’s a perfectly fine dress,” Petal argues, but she’s blushing so deeply she is practically glowing in the small foyer. “I was trying to look nice for my date. I wanted to look presentable.”

“You definitely look like you’re presenting something,” I respond, my voice a low rumble because every protective instinct I have is coming out.

“Did you come over here just to be an asshole?” Petal huffs.

“Hey, Luka. You want a beer?” Black asks, coming back into the foyer.

“He’s not staying,” Petal snarls.

“What the fuck were you thinking, Black? Setting Petal up with that piece of shit? Have you gone stupid?”

“What? Petal needs to start getting out there again. Her and Craig will have fun together, and since you’re watching River, she won’t have to worry about whose bed she sleeps in tonight,” Black says.

Petal’s squeak of surprise echoes after his words. Anger is firing through every part of my body. What the hell has happened to him since he moved to Dallas?

“You son of a bitch!” I growl, and I deliver a hard punch to Black’s face, and then another. Then, just because I’m fucking livid, I deliver yet another. Black doesn’t even try to defend himself; he falls to the hard tiled floor with a thud.

“Black!” Petal cries, diving to the floor after him in concern. I thought my anger was at least marginally satisfied until I see the flash of red silk between Petal’s legs. Her fucking dress is so short, you can see her panties. Jesus, the fabric is so small, it’s probably a fucking thong!

“You’re all as fucking nuts as your mother,” I growl, and I leave before I throw Petal over my shoulder and remind her of the one thing we always did right between us.

Because it sure feels like everything has gone horribly wrong right now.

10

PETAL

“I need to talk to Petal,” Luka tells Mom, who is standing at the door looking like she’d like to kill him. I listen some distance away from inside the house.

“Look what the cat dragged in,” Mom returns, not bothering to open the door.

“I want to talk to Petal,” he repeats.

“Well, boy, people in Hell want ice water, but they don’t get it, and you aren’t getting near my daughter again.”

“You can’t keep me from her. She’s having my baby.”

“You mean the baby you and that piece-of-shit-in-a-suit daddy of yours want her to kill?”

“I didn’t know she was pregnant, Ida Sue. I’ll be dealing with my father next. Right now, I just need to see Petal.”

His words should make me feel better, but I’m scared. I don’t know how to be a mother. I don’t know how to fight against Luka’s parents. They have money and influence in Mason, and what if Luka’s dad follows through on his threats and hurts my family? It’s all a mess.

“She doesn’t need to see you. You and your parents have done enough. You’ve nearly destroyed my girl. You aren’t getting your hands on her again.”

“I nearly destroyed her? Has everyone forgotten that I was the one she played for a fool? I was the one who had no idea who I was even dating! It was all a lie! All of it! She’s the one who nearly destroyed me, and now I find out that she’s pregnant? You want to stand there behind the door and act like your daughter was completely innocent, but her decisions have nearly annihilated my entire world.”

“I never meant for that to happen, Luka,” I tell him, coming away from the wall to look out at him. “I know you don’t believe me, but I swear hurting you was the last thing I ever wanted.”

I should have done what Mom said and just remained out of sight, but the anguish in his voice kills me. I’ve made so many mistakes, and I’m so scared of making more. Luka doesn’t believe me, but I love him. I love him so much.

“Petal—”

“I need to talk to him, Mom. I’ll be okay,” I interrupt her. I wish I had taken the time to clean up and put makeup on earlier. I feel defenseless standing in front of Luka wearing my old ratty sweat pants and Green Day t-shirt. He has to notice the deep circles under my eyes, too. Seems like I’ve been sick constantly since finding out I was pregnant. They may call it morning sickness, but it never stops.

“Petal, we need to discuss you being pregnant. This isn’t about us anymore. We have to think about the baby,” Luka urges me, and nausea hits me in waves.

“I know what your father said. I know what you think, Luka, but I didn’t plan on getting pregnant, I swear. We only had sex twice, and you used protection. I thought it was safe… I didn’t know, I swear.”

“Come outside and talk to me, Petal. We need to decide what to do about the baby.” His voice softens a little as he tries to coax me outside.

“I’m not killing my baby, Luka. I know I’m young, and I might not know anything about being a parent, but I’ll figure it out somehow.”

“I think we need to get married,” he announces.

I can’t tell if it’s excitement or fear that runs through me now.

“No way in Hell!” Mom yells from behind me. “She’s still sixteen, and I forbid it. Get off my damned property before I have you arrested,” she warns, pulling me back. My eyes lock with Luka’s right before she slams the door, and I can’t do anything but stand there in shock.

Did Luka just ask me to marry him?

Present:

“I was surprised when Black approached me about taking you out. I didn’t think you knew who I was.”

I have to blink to concentrate on Craig’s words. We’re only thirty minutes into the date, our food has just arrived, and I’m already wishing I was back home. It’s not even because I’m having a bad time. Craig has been nothing but nice, really. He’s not bad to look at, either. He’s got dirty-blond hair and clear blue eyes with a dimple when he smiles. His hair is wavy and a little out of control in spots as if the wind blew through it all day. He’s wearing a suit, which makes me glad I did wear a dress, but I wish I had worn one from my closet. Craig’s also taller than me, which is not a big feat since I’m short. Still, I’d say he’s around six feet tall, has defined muscles, and is broad. Women would be drawn to him, I imagine. Yet, just as I suspected… I feel nothing when he smiles at me.

Maybe there’s something wrong with me. I’m out to dinner with a nice, good-looking guy, and I wish I was home in bed asleep. You would think after the way Luka reacted earlier tonight that I could put the past out of my head and finally move on. Instead, I find myself going over everything Luka did and hoping Black is right. Maybe it is possible and Luka still cares. Maybe he is even jealous, and if he is, there might be a little hope left. Something has to be wrong with me.

“I have a confession to make, Craig. I don’t really know you.”

“Ow! A bullet to the heart,” he jokes, holding his broad hand over his chest. He gives me a look which clearly means I should pity him for the supposed insult. I find myself actually smiling.

“My crazy family has it in their heads that I need to start dating and getting out more. It was either let Black set me up or my mother would have. I wasn’t ready for those kinds of surprises,” I joke.

“Your mother can be quite the character from what I hear,” he laughs. “Does she really have a pet cow named Hamburger?”

“I’m afraid so,” I sigh out. “She’s even trained it to play fetch. I swear that thing thinks he’s a poodle.”

“A poodle?”

“Mom had two miniature poodles she’d go outside and play fetch with, and Hamburger joined in from the time he was a calf. He learned to do all of their tricks. Fetch, sit, lay down, even half-way rollover. He can do them all.”

“You’re pulling my leg!”

“Nope, not at all. I swear, the dang thing thinks he’s a poodle—a very large poodle.”

“I always thought Black was making up the stories he told us about his family,” he says, shaking his head.

“No way. You can’t make up the things my mother does. So, you see why I let Black set me up on a date instead of my mother? I shudder to think who her candidate would have been.”

“Well, I hope I’m at least living up to your expectations, Petal,” Craig says, reaching over to grab my hand. I have to fight the urge to pull my hand away. As it is, I keep the smile on my face by grinding my teeth. “I imagine it’s not easy finding a date after being married to the town sheriff. They’re probably afraid Luka will have them arrested or something.”

“Nah. It’s not like that. Luka and I are friends. We share a son, nothing else.”

Even as I say the words, inside I’m praying I’m wrong. I have this hope inside me now that wasn’t there before. This is Black’s fault. Luka should have hit him harder.

“I’m not sure I could be just friends with a woman who looks as fine as you do, sweetheart,” he says with a lazy smile. His compliment is a throwaway, I’m sure. Still, it’s really nice to hear. About the only person to give me compliments anymore is River, and his usually revolve around the way I color or fix his eggs.

“Yeah right,” I joke back trying to brush it off. It’s been so long, I don’t know how to react to a compliment. I honestly can’t remember getting that many before.

“I’m being completely serious. You are one hot woman, Petal Lucas. A man could lose his head with that dress you’re wearing.” He winks.

“Actually, she’s a Parish. Aren’t you, Petal? She kept my name even after the divorce.”

I look up to see Luka standing over our table, and I’m equal parts happy and irritated.

What does he think he’s doing now? This can’t be normal. Maybe Black is right.

Luka Parish is jealous that another man is taking me out.

11

LUKA

“Luka, my mom will never agree to us getting married!”

“You turn seventeen in three days. She won’t have a say in it.”

“But, I’m not even sure I want to get married.”

“I think it’s a little late for that, Petal. I don’t exactly want to get married either. I had things planned out, you know. Getting married wasn’t on the list,” I growl back, frustrated and hurt. I’m lying. She lied to me, and everything in my life right now is up in the air… but I want to marry her. I want her tied to me. I want her to have my name. I want her and our child under one roof—a roof that I provide. I fucking want it all, and it pisses me off that she doesn’t.

“I’m not sure we should be getting married just because of the baby, Luka.”

“Is there a better reason?” I ask her, doing my best to tap down the anger inside.

“Love?” she suggests, her blue eyes looking up at me, pleading. I ignore it. I can’t go there. She lied to me. I can’t trust her… but maybe I can keep her.

“It’s time you grow up, Petal. We need to be practical. We’ll go get the license today, and then you can meet me at the old ice cream stand Wednesday. We’ll go straight to Dallas and get married at the courthouse.”

“At the courthouse?”

“Is there something wrong?”

“Not really, it’s just… I always imagined a church wedding.” She looks down at the ground. I feel a flash of guilt, but then—I didn’t create this situation; Petal did.

“This is just the way it has to be, Petal. Neither one of us has much of a choice here. We have to think of the baby,” I remind her. She looks up at me then, those blue eyes shining with unshed tears, and there is sorrow there that hurts me to look at. She’s just going to have to accept this. She played with fire, and these are the consequences. Hell, I had hoped for more too. I thought I had more with Petal… I really did…

Present:

“Luka? What are you doing here?”

“Got hungry. I come here a lot,” I tell her casually—and lying through my fucking teeth. I’ve been in this damned restaurant a grand total of two times, and one of those is now. For one thing, it’s a fucking Thai restaurant. I’m a Texas boy. Give me steak and a potato and I’m happy. Secondly, this place is the kind of place my father loves. I like to relax when I eat, not try and figure out how to eat my food with sticks instead of a fork.

“Really? You’ve changed since our divorce then, because I seem to recall you hating all foreign restaurants except for the Mexican one on Baxter Street,” Petal points out, eyeing me carefully. She wants to call me out—not that I could blame her. I should have my head examined for being here. Didn’t I just vow the other night to put Petal behind me? What the hell am I doing here?

“People change, Petal. Fact of life.”

“Yeah, I guess so.” She looks at me like I’m insane—which I am. “Where’s River?”

“I had to work late, so mom is watching him,” I tell her. The look on her face manages to annoy me. “He’ll be fine, Petal.”

“I know… I like your mother—for the most part. I just…”

“If you don’t mind, Luka, Petal and I were trying to enjoy our date,” Craig states, interrupting us.

I’m glad. I really don’t want to argue with Petal about having River around my father. It’s not like my father ever pays River much attention. There’s a part of me that thinks he hates him, so for the most part, I limit their interaction. Mom, however, loves River.

“I don’t mind,” I tell Craig, smiling just to annoy him—and lying my ass off.

I want to punch the asshole in the face. I do mind, dumbass. I want to scream that and then break out those over-bleached capped teeth of his with my fist. I do neither of those things, which is probably for the best, but definitely isn’t satisfying.

“Not at all. I should be getting to my table. I just thought I’d stop by and say hi when I saw you.”

“Hi,” Craig answers, and he’s not bothering to hide his annoyance. That’s fine. He’s about to get a lot more annoyed. Sucks to be him.

“You look like Dallas is agreeing with you, Craig. I guess you don’t miss small town life at all these days.”

“Well, there are a few things that make small town life good,” Craig replies, and the bastard winks at Petal.

I really, really want to bury my fist in his face. I resist, but when Petal blushes, it’s not easy to hold back.

“Shit. Are those flashing lights? I can’t get a night off to save me,” I mention as cool as I can while looking out the window.

“Yeah, I imagine being a sheriff in a town with the population of… what? Six hundred? I imagine that’s really exciting.”

“You’d be surprised. But luckily, it just looks like some big fancy BMW is getting towed away. That’s not me. Nice car. We don’t usually see those around here. Must be someone from the city. They probably parked in the wrong spot or something. Anyway, I’ll let you two get back to your dinner. See you tomorrow, Petal,” I answer, turning around with a smile. With each step I make, I count silently. One. Two. Three. Fo—

“What the fuck?” Craig growls, and it seems like the whole restaurant goes quiet.

“Craig, this is a family restaurant,” Petal says, looking around uncomfortably. It doesn’t matter to Craig though; he’s too busy seeing his expensive convertible hauled off on the back of a wrecker.

“What the fuck??” Craig repeats like a damned parrot. “Did you have me towed, Parish? Because I took your ex on a date?”

“Whoa, man. Is that your car? How would I have done that? I didn’t even know you were here, and what could I have possibly had you towed over? You need to check yourself,” I add helpfully. “If I was you, though, I’d hurry, because if they take your car to the impound this late on a Saturday, you won’t get the thing out until Monday.”

“Motherfucker. Petal—”

“Go on, Craig. I’ll be fine,” she insists.

Craig gives me a hateful look with a growl and stomps off.

“Happy now, Luka Parish?” Petal asks grouchily.

I don’t know what to say to her, really, but I’m pretty sure I don’t need to be telling her the truth that I love that Craig is gone—or that I am the one responsible for having him towed.

12

LUKA

“Are you sure about this, Luka?” Petal asks again.

She’s standing beside me outside of the county judge’s office. We have a one o’clock appointment to get married. Married. Am I sure? Fuck no. I’m marrying a seventeen-year-old pregnant girl who has spent the majority of our relationship pretending to be someone else and lying to me. I’m not sure of anything—except the fact that I’m going to be a father.

She’s trembling beside me, and her face is deathly pale. I reach down and take her hand in mine not because I want to, but because she looks like she might pass out if I don’t. I hate that I’m mad at her. I hate that I feel I can’t trust her. I really hate that I feel like she trapped me into all of this. I resent her now, and I know it’s not fair. Maybe it would have been different if I knew how old she was all along—or hell, if I had known her real name. But I didn’t. How are you supposed to make a marriage work with someone when you are so angry at them that sometimes you can’t function?

I loved her. But love can’t exist where there’s no trust, only anger.

Can it?

“I’m sure,” I tell her, lying my ass off. I’m not sure of anything.

Present:

“Were you responsible for that, Luka?”

“How could I be responsible, Petal? I didn’t even know you were going to be here,” I tell her, and I’m proud of myself for sounding so sincere. I don’t feel guilty either. I’m saving her, really. She should be staying far away from Craig Weston. If Black can’t do his job as her brother, then I’ll do it. It doesn’t mean anything; I’m just protecting the mother of my child. I owe it to her, and I owe it to River.

She watches me closely for a minute before sighing and relaxing back in the seat.

“You’re right. I’m sorry. Well, it looks like this date was a bust.”

“He’s an asshole,” I tell her, sitting down in Craig’s empty seat.

“He was nice. It’s not his fault his car was towed,” she defends.

“Will you still feel that way when I tell you he didn’t stop by to pay the bill?”

“Crap. We just ordered too.”

“What did he order?”

“I didn’t really pay attention. Oh well, I’ll put it on the card and worry about it next month—along with the cab ride home, I guess.”

I feel a little guilty—but not much. If she knew what I knew about Craig, she’d be thanking me.

“I’ll eat it and pay, then take you home.”

“Uh… Luka, I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”

“Why not? I’m hungry. You are too. Your date was a jackass. Seems like the perfect solution to me.”

“What about Tani?” she asks, watching me warily.

“It was one night out, Petal. Tani and I aren’t dating. Besides, you’re the mother of my child. If I want to buy you dinner and take you home, I don’t see why we have to dissect it and make a federal case out of it, do you?”

“I guess not, but you hate Thai food. You hate any food that doesn’t contain a perfectly grilled steak and a loaded baked potato, Luka.”

“I came here to try something different. So, we’ll look at it like an adventure,” I suggest with a shrug, wishing she’d just let it drop.

“If you’re sure.” She looks at me with her first real smile, and because of that, I find myself relaxing.

“I’m sure,” I tell her, but I’m lying. Right now, I’m not sure of anything except that I didn’t want Petal to go out with Craig Weston.

I refuse to examine why.

13

PETAL

“We’re really married.” I look down at the paper that Luka is holding, and my heart is thudding impossibly hard in my chest. I can’t believe I just married Luka Parish.

“We’re really married,” Luka says, raising his head, and when he looks at me, he has the strangest expression on his face.

“What is it?”

“It’s just a little work getting used to your name—Lotus Petal.”

Shame and guilt hit me again. How many times will I experience that? I should have never lied to Luka. I hate that I did, but will I always have to pay for it? I had dreams and hopes about being married to Luka. I had silly fantasies. None of them included getting married at the courthouse wearing a t-shirt and shorts with Luka wearing his uniform.

“I’m sorry, Luka—” I begin to tell him.

“It’s in the past now. We have to forget everything and look ahead now, for the baby. We don’t have a choice.”

His words slice into me as sure as if he was holding a weapon. When we made love in the back of his old truck, looking up at the stars, I felt special. Now I feel like a stone around his neck—a duty. He doesn’t even say our baby; it’s “the” baby. That small difference makes my heart bleed.

“Maybe… do you think you can remember the good things we shared, Luka?” I ask, and I try not to sound like I’m pleading, but I know I am.

“Lotus Petal is a pretty name,” he says instead, and that uneasy feeling inside of me doesn’t go away. If anything, it intensifies.

“I always hated the name. Especially Lotus. Supposedly I was named after my mother—or what she changed her name to when she was younger.”

“Since I don’t really like your mother, I’ll ignore that. Besides, I think Lotus is my favorite part.”

“It is?” I ask, confused.

“That’s what I’ll call you. Lotus.”

“I hate that name, Luka.”

He smiles, and somehow that makes me feel better—at least a little.

“Then I’ll call you Lo’.” He smiles. “Let’s go look at the apartment before I have to go to work.”

“No one has ever called me Lo’ before,” I confess to him, following him out of the small room.

He puts his hand on my back and leads me to his truck. “That’s good. It will be my name for you.” He doesn’t kiss me, but he does kiss the top of my head right before opening the door for me. That’s something, at least. Maybe it will be okay.

There’s no going back now. It has to be okay.

Present:

“What is this shit?” Luka asks, his eyes going round.

“I think it’s some kind of coconut soup,” I say with hope that I’m right because I’m really not sure.

“This has to be some kind of joke. A prank or something. It has to be.”

“Luka…”

“Swear to God, Petal, it looks like they ran out of food and threw the leftovers in a bowl and said ‘Here you go’!”

“Oh, they did not. Now you’re overreacting!” I laugh. I can’t stop myself.

“I am not! Look at this crap,” he growls. People are starting to look at us, but I don’t care. I can’t stop myself from laughing either.

“What’s wrong with it?”

“There’s fish in it, Petal,” he answers, his eyes glued to his bowl.

“You like fish.”

“It still has eyeballs, woman. In my world, the head does not stay on!” he all but growls loudly. I lose it then, laughing so hard I can’t control myself.

“So if I ever want to torture you, all I have to do is dump fish heads in your fridge. You should never let your enemies know your weaknesses, Luka. I sense a blackmail opportunity coming my way,” I joke.

“Is that what you are now, Petal? An enemy?” he asks as the mood in the room suddenly gets heavy.

“I don’t want to be,” I tell him truthfully. “I’ve never wanted that.”

“Me neither. We sure made a mess out of everything, didn’t we?”

“Not everything. We have a beautiful son,” I point out, emotion and old pain squeezing my heart.

“That we do. Do you ever wish we could go back, Petal? Go back in the past and fix things…”

“I wish I could go back in time and tell you the truth from the beginning. If I had told you up front who I was and my real age… maybe things would have been different.”

“Maybe. Still, if you had done that, River might not be here, and I can’t imagine a world without him in it,” Luka says, and his words are both bitter and sweet. Sweet because I love that he cares for his son so deeply. Luka has always been an amazing father, yet at the same time, the words are bitter. He as much as admitted, yet again, that I wasn’t enough. I’ve always felt like that from the day Luka told me that we were getting married, I was just a necessary evil—nothing of consequence. Our entire adult relationship is based on the sole fact that Luka got me pregnant and wanted his son.

“True,” I tell him, brushing off old hurts, old anger, and old ghosts.

“I’ve missed your laugh,” he says unexpectedly.

I don’t really know how to react. I try to control that wild hope blooming in my chest. Could Black be right? Could I get Luka back? Is there a chance for us?

“We never had much to laugh about. Especially there at the end,” I tell him truthfully, even though—especially in this instance—the truth is painful.

“What is that you’re eating?” he asks, causing me to jerk my head back to my plate.

“Som Tum?” I question.

“What the hell is that?”

“Basically a papaya salad.”

“A salad is not a meal,” he grumbles.

I blush. “I’ve been trying to diet.”

“Lo’,” Luka mutters, and my heart turns over in my chest. It’s been so long since he’s called me Lo’. I can’t even remember the last time, but I know that I’ve missed it. It’s funny how a nickname can make you feel beautiful, but Luka calling me Lo’ can do that every time. Every. Time. “You don’t need to diet. You’re perfect the way you are.” I look at him, confused, when he stands up. He throws some money on the table, definitely more than enough to pay the bill. Then he comes around to where I’m sitting and reaches out his hand. “Let’s go.”

“Um… where are we going?”

“To find a damned hamburger and a milkshake,” he mutters. I put my hand in his and let him lead me away. I’m doing my best to tap down the hope that keeps rising inside of me, because I know if this is nothing or if it falls apart, I’ll never survive the crash.

The problem is I think it’s much too late.

14

LUKA

“Fuck, Lo’, that’s it. God yes, take it baby,” I urge her as she tightens that pussy on my cock, riding the hell out of me. I look up at her and watch, unable to take my eyes away from her. Her thighs are pressed tightly against me, her head bent down with her hair falling around her face, and her eyes are closed. My hands are grabbing that lush ass, holding the cheeks and pressing them, molding them as I help push her deeper onto my cock. She grinds her hips, and my cock scrapes the inside of her walls. It feels so fucking good, I have to fight not to come. Every fucking time, it just gets better and better.

Her hands slap against the back of the couch as she supports herself, her fingers biting into the cushions so hard, it’s a wonder she doesn’t tear the fabric. The movement brings her tits down to my face, and I grab one like the greedy bastard I am when it comes to her body. I suck the nipple into my mouth roughly. I couldn’t be tender if I wanted to right now.

“Luka. I’m going to come, baby. I’m going to come,” she cries out loudly. I let go of her breast and grab her neck, quickly bringing her mouth to mine. I take it hard, the pressure so forceful it’s almost painful, and I know her lips will be bruised. I growl as I taste her mouth, sucking on her tongue, and I take over her mouth just as I feel her come all over my cock.

Petal is the sweetest taste of Heaven… and one I’ll never get tired of.

Present:

“Thanks for dinner, Luka. It was nice,” Petal whispers as we walk back to my car. Things have turned kind of quiet after leaving the small diner just outside of Mason. Maybe she’s worried because I took her out of town for dinner. I don’t have an explanation, other than I just didn’t want to deal with any of the bullshit that would ensue if her mother or my parents found us. At my age I shouldn’t give a shit what they say, but it was something I didn’t want to deal with tonight. Even thinking about it is just another reminder of all the shit that got in the way of my relationship with Petal.

“It was,” I agree. “It got even better after we got real food,” I add, trying to cover up the uncomfortable vibe between us and hating that it’s there.

“You never know. You might have liked coconut fish heads,” Petal jokes as I open the car door.

“Not in this lifetime,” I declare with a laugh, helping her inside.

I take my time walking to my side of the car. I’m a bundle of nerves, which is fucking ridiculous. I’m practically a thirty-year-old man, a damned sheriff for fuck’s sake. Yeah, Mason isn’t a town that is riddled with crime, but I have still found myself on the wrong end of a shotgun from time to time. I shake it off as best as I can—angry with myself for even letting Petal being this near affect me.

I’m driving down the road and neither of us have said a word since. I turn up the radio to cover the silence. Jason Aldean plays quietly in the background. I chance a look over at Petal. She’s staring out the window. Her guard is down, and just seeing the side of her face is enough because I can see the sadness there. Maybe this was a bad idea. I didn’t want Petal with Craig, but being around each other shouldn’t be this hard or complicated either. I force myself to look back at the road. I’ll take her home and then that’s it. I won’t try to stop Petal from making mistakes. I won’t try to control who she sees and who she doesn’t. This is out of my hands—it’s all of out of my hands.

“You can just drop me off at Maggie’s, Luka.”

“Maggie’s? You staying there now?”

“No. It will just be easier tonight. I’ll get Maggie to take me to Mom’s in the morning before she goes to work.”

My fingers tighten on my steering wheel. “I’ll take you home, Petal,” I tell her gruffly, unable to keep the annoyance out of my voice. “Jesus,” I mutter under my breath, and that whole feeling of this being a mistake explodes inside of me.

“I said I want to go to Maggie’s,” she insists.

I lose it. “Are you that damned afraid of what your mother will do if she sees me bringing you home? Christ, you’re twenty-two now. Are you ever going to grow up, Petal?”

“Why do you always do this?” she asks, shaking her head.

“Do what? Insist you start taking responsibility for your own choices?” I growl, and I didn’t mean my words that way—not like I know she takes it. I see how my words slap her in the face. She visibly flinches, and I feel horrible.

“Stop the car, Luka,” she whispers, and the words are so soft I have to strain to hear them.

“Damn it, Petal!”

“I said, stop the goddamned car!” she yells.

I pull to the side of the road, and she’s out before I can even put the car into park. I jump out and catch her, grabbing her arm and pulling her between me and the hood.

“Will you just calm down?”

“I’m not the one who is being a horse’s ass right now,” she sputters out, her face tight with anger and deep red in color.

“I didn’t mean it the way it sounded,” I mutter, rubbing the back of my neck in frustration as she pulls free from my hold.

“You never do, but you can’t resist throwing the past in my face. I’m so tired of it, Luka. I’ve made a hell of a lot of mistakes—”

“Petal,” I start, wanting to stop her before she goes down that road, because I truthfully did not mean to bring the past up between us. I just got frustrated because she didn’t want her mother to know she was spending time with me. It was childish of me, and it was a low-blow. I wish I could go back and take the words away. Then again, it seems I’m always wishing that where Petal is involved.

“But I wasn’t in our relationship alone, Luka Parish! You made a lot of damned mistakes too, and I refuse to let you rake me through the coals over and over…” she continues, just talking over me and so angry that her body is literally shaking.

It’s stupid and a million other things, but I don’t think. I don’t take the time to calm down, and I sure as hell don’t stop myself. I grab her shoulders and haul her body to mine, then take her mouth. Take is the perfect description, too. The force of my kiss is almost violent. Our teeth clash and I’m pretty sure she somehow cuts my mouth when I feel the bitter, coppery taste of blood. I ignore it, intent only on getting Petal to submit to me—to assert my dominance over her. She does her best to close her lips, shutting me out. My hand moves to her neck, and I hold the side of her face, not letting her get away, not letting her shut me out. My tongue pushes into her mouth, seeking hers. Petal remains stiff, fighting against the kiss. My hand moves up to cup her breast, my thumb and forefinger pulling on the hardened nipple I feel through her dress.

“Damn it, Lo’,” I growl, my voice hoarse and needful. “Kiss me,” I demand, pulling the nipple and surging back in. She softens against me slowly, and then her tongue slides against mine. I swallow down her whimper and lose myself in the flavor that is Petal, the one woman who has always owned my heart.

It’s been so long since I’ve had her lips, and yet in this moment—this stolen moment in time—it feels like yesterday, and somehow she tastes even sweeter.

15

PETAL

“You think you’ve won, don’t you, girl?”

“Mr. Parish, I know you’re upset, but I love Luka.”

“I warned you to stay away from my son. You should have listened to me.”

“If you’ll just give me a chance, you’ll see. I’ll be a good wife to Luka, I promise. I love him. I will do everything I can to make sure he reaches every goal he has. I—”

“How’s he going to do that when you’re over there with your stomach growing more every day with that—?”

“He will be your grandson!” I argue, rushing to say the words before he can finish his sentence.

“He’ll be nothing. His blood is tainted by that white-trash family of yours. Luka tried to be a man and pay for his mistakes. He regrets it, though. He knows you probably spread your legs for every man coming and going. I bet you’d even give me pussy if I offered you enough money.”

“Mr. Parish,” I whisper, sick to my stomach at the vile, horrific things he says to me. “You’re Luka’s father…”

“Yeah, and that’s what girls like you want, right? Doesn’t matter the man, just how much money you can get. You’re just like your mother. I wonder if you fuck like her, too?”

“What? You can’t mean that—”

“What’s going on here?” Luka asks, coming in the front door. My words are frozen. My heart is beating a million miles per minute.

“Nothing, son. Petal here was just asking me if I could help you two move into a bigger home. She says this little apartment just won’t be big enough for all of you when the baby comes.”

“You did what?” Luka yells, and his face contorts with anger. I need to defend myself, but after months of this, I’m not sure I care. I’m not sure I want to anymore.

And what did Luka’s father mean about my mother?

Present:

Is Luka really kissing me? I mean, I’m in the middle of the kiss, and I’m not sure I believe it. His firm hold on me loosens, and then his hand moves under my dress. I should push him away. We were arguing. He was throwing the past back at me. This can never work. The reasons this kiss is a bad idea are innumerable, and I should really listen to the voice in my head telling me to pull away. When I feel his hand pull my leg up to his hip and his tongue slides over and over mine before pulling away enough to suck on my bottom lip—the voice of reason disappears.

His firm, thick fingers curl around the scanty lace of my red silk thong and pull on it. The thin fabric tears so easily. The cool night air hits my warmed, sensitive skin, and a chill runs through me. Luka pulls away just a step, and I think this is it—he’s come to his senses. I don’t know if I should be glad or curse him. I get the chance to do neither because in the next instant, he stretches my dress so that my breasts pops out. My nipples are already so hard, they’re painful. The cold air blasts against them, taking the pain up a notch. There’s something so dirty and forbidden about having my pussy and breasts exposed outside in the night air. That’s the last thought I have right before Luka’s lips grab hold of my nipple, sucking so hard it pushes into the roof of his mouth. I thrust my fingers in his hair almost violently, as I feel his fingers slide inside of me. It’s been so long… so fucking long since he’s touched me—since anyone has touched me. I cry out at the intrusion, but not from pain. No—not at all. It’s because it feels so good.

“Goddamn Lo’, you’re so fucking wet. You’re dying to be fucked,” Luka growls around my breast. I dig my nails into his scalp and try to force his mouth back on my breast, all while thrusting my hips against him trying to get his fingers deeper. I don’t argue with him. It would be useless to try, and he’s not wrong: I do want him to fuck me. My body has missed him almost as much as my heart has.

“Luka, please…” I beg, beyond thinking of anything other than his fingers pushing deep inside of me. My eyes close and my head goes back as he lifts me against the hood of his squad car.

“Fuck, honey. I’ve got you, Lo’. I’ve got you,” he groans. I look at him in shock. My heels click against the grill of the car as I feel his tongue slide against the lips of my pussy.

“Luka, we shouldn’t…” I gasp, panicking, looking around. It’s a quiet road, but we’re still out in the open. The shock begins bringing me out of the sexual haze I’ve been in. In response, Luka’s fingers dig into my hips as he holds me for his pleasure.

“You’re coming on my tongue, Lo’,” he snarls, not giving me a choice. His tongue flattens out on the sensitive lips of my pussy. I can feel his tongue slide into my entrance, curling inside a second before one of his fingers joins, and he fucks me with both. Then his tongue moves up my pussy and centers in on the swollen clit. He flicks against it, almost spanking me with his tongue, and then sucks it into his mouth at the same time two of his fingers thrust deeply inside of me. He fucks me like that over and over, never letting go of my clit. My body begins trembling as I feel my climax begin to overtake me.

“I’m coming!” I scream just before I fall over the edge. I feel my cum flood through me, bathing his fingers and his tongue, and he eats at my pussy, licking it all up and drinking it down. The entire time, he’s still continuously fucking me with his fingers.

It’s beautiful, it’s amazing, and fucking hot… and yet it’s not enough. I want him. I want Luka buried deep inside of me.

16

LUKA

“You have the light off, Lo’. Turn the light on.”

“I like it better in the dark, Luka. Please? Just make love to me.”

“I want to see you,” I growl, fumbling around in the dark. My cock is so hard it’s physically painful. I woke up to Petal’s shy hand wrapped around it, sliding up and down, and her lips on my stomach. I can feel her breasts pushed against my balls. The heat from her body is like a drug. Her breath teases the head of my cock. God, this woman owns me. Despite everything, she’s had me from the first time she smiled my way. I have so much anger inside of me directed at her, and God help me, I’m trying to let it go. I need to, because I want to move forward and make a home with her for our child’s sake.

“I love you, Luka,” she whispers in the darkness before her mouth slides down on my cock. “I’ve always loved you.”

It’s on the tip of my tongue to say the words back. I do love her, but I haven’t said those words to her since the moment I found out she lied to me. I’m being an asshole, I know it. I need to get over it. I need to forgive her. I shake off my thoughts. If I give her the words now, I can’t be a hundred percent sure they’re truthful, especially since I’m lost in the way she’s sucking my dick. The last thing our relationship needs is more lies.

So I say nothing…

Present:

I should feel guilt. I just finger-fucked my wife—my ex-wife—by the side of the road on the top of my squad car. Anyone could have seen us. Fuck… maybe they did. I sure wasn’t noticing if cars were traveling the road. I was too busy feeling Petal’s greedy little snatch try to break my fingers as she rode them. I don’t feel guilt, though. I feel exhilarated, alive, and horny as hell. Still, discretion is the better part of valor here, or whatever the hell that saying is. I gather Petal’s limp body up and pull her into mine, maneuvering us so we have the car between us and the road. I lean against the passenger door and drink in her scent. I’ve missed having her in my arms more than I should. I can’t explain what the fuck is happening, but I’m going to enjoy it for as long as I can because it can’t last. There’s too much past between us.

“Well, that was one way to win an argument,” Petal whispers against my chest.

I’m feeling as edgy as a fucking teenager inside. I have so many emotions running through me, I can’t begin to name them. Yet Petal’s shaky reply somehow makes me laugh.

“I think you might have been the winner in this one, Lo’,” I whisper back softly, kissing the top of her head. I’m totally lying my ass off. I might have given her the orgasm, but the pleasure of just being able to touch her, to have her react to me the way she did, was the best gift I could have received. It’s something I thought I’d never have again.

“Can’t argue with that, Sheriff,” she replies, pulling away slightly to grin up at me. “What would the loyal citizens of Mason do if they knew how their sheriff spends his time off?”

“Congratulate me? You were always the more reserved one when it came to sex, Lo’. I would have taken you anywhere and any way I could get you. It wouldn’t have mattered to me who was around,” I tell her truthfully. There was a time in my life when Petal’s body was my prime drug, and I was a hopeless addict.

“I was always worried about things…” she whispers, and she gets this sad look on her face. My hand cups the side of her neck, my thumb lightly stroking against her lips. I want the power to wipe away her sadness. There’s so much between us that I wish I could erase…

“Hey, Lo’ we—”

“I don’t want to talk, Luka.” Her thick lips spread into a smile. “Talking is the last thing I want to do.” She grips my hips as she lowers down in front of me.

“Lo’…what are you doing? Get up from there.”

“You made me feel so good, Luka. It’s my turn to make you feel good now.” She’s not looking at me. Her attention is focused on my belt—the same belt she’s unlatching.

“Lo’ that’s not why I… Fuck,” I hiss out the word as her hand wraps around my cock and holds it tightly. My head goes back so it rests on the top of the car as she slowly but firmly strokes me.

“I forgot how big you are, Luka. Somehow, I forgot how you feel in my hand.” Her hot breath bathes my shaft. I slowly pull my head up to look down at her. The moonlight catches her eyes, and in that moment, it hits me down in my gut: There will never be another woman who makes me feel the way Petal does.

“Christ, woman,” I groan as she takes me inside her mouth. I watch as the head of my cock disappears between those deep red lips that glow in the light of the full moon above us. She hums, and I can feel the vibrations all the way to my damned toes as she slides down on my cock, sucking it until her lips rest against my groin and the tip presses against the back of her throat. Maybe it’s because it has been so long, maybe it’s because we’ve both changed, but I can’t remember it ever feeling this good between us.

I watch as she slowly backs off my shaft. Every inch she reveals is wet and covered in a mixture of my pre-cum and her saliva. She lets go of the head with a pop. The sound echoes as she looks up at me wearing a grin and full of mischief.

“I forgot how good you taste, Luka,” she says, and in that moment, she’s unlike the Petal in my mind. This is a woman who’s free of her old issues, who enjoys sex—and enjoys me.

The sound of a car coming around the curve has my body crying in denial. I wasn’t ready for this game to be finished quite so soon. I turn around to see the road while pulling my pants up—or trying to. I look down to see that Petal has followed me on her knees. Her back is now against the car door and she’s pushing against my pants with one hand while her other has wrapped around my cock again.

“Damn it, Petal! Get up here! There’s someone coming!” I hiss just as the car pulls to the curb and starts slowing down.

“Better keep them in the car, Luka,” she says with a giggle.

“What?” I squeak. She can’t mean what I think she’s meaning. Before I can demand she quit fooling around, I feel her hand come up and palm my balls, massaging them. “Damn it, Pet—” She squeezes my sack firmly, not with a lot of force, but enough so there’s a small sting of pain that runs up my spine. My fucking cock jerks, and I look down to see a long drizzle of cum leaking from the head and running down the shaft. Petal flattens her tongue out to scoop it up. She slowly gathers it all before ending on my tip and running her tongue over the small opening to make sure she gets every drop.

“Keep them busy, Luka,” she whispers. I want to argue, but I can’t. When she swallows my cock down and takes me all the way into the back of her throat again… I’m lost.

I force myself to breathe and look up at the car just as a passenger window goes down. I want to cry when I see who is driving the red Ford pickup. On the driver side and leaning down to look out through the passenger window to talk to me is…

17

PETAL

“Mom, are you here?”

“I’m in the kitchen,” she answers, and as I walk into the room, her gaze rakes over me. I know she’s taking in my disheveled appearance and definitely the circles under my eyes.

“You look like hell, baby girl.”

“Gee, thanks. Do you have a few minutes to talk?”

“Are we going to discuss how you should have never married that asshole you—?”

“Are you going to tell me the real reason you dislike Luka so much, Mom?” I ask her right back, my heart hurting.

“Other than the fact that he knocked-up my underage daughter, convinced her to marry him without telling me, and obviously isn’t taking good care of her now? Other than those reasons, Lotus Petal?” Mom asks, and I know she’s more upset than normal because she used my full name.

“How many times do I have to explain that Luka didn’t know how old I was? If he had—”

“It wouldn’t have changed a thing. He’s just like his father. He goes through life taking what he wants and doesn’t give a damn who he hurts in the process.”

“That’s not true. Luka is nothing like his father.”

“You’re blinded by love. Sooner or later you’ll see it, my girl, and when you do, it will be too late.”

“You’re never going to like Luka. I get that, Mom. How about we talk about something else?” I suggest, wringing my hands together.

“Like what?”

My breath stalls in my chest before I force it out and bring my gaze up to her face.

“Like what the real reason is that you hate Luka’s father so much. What happened between the two of you, Mom?”

Present:

“Luka? What are you doing by the side of the road? Your car break down?” my brother Blue asks.

I curl against the truck, adrenaline firing through me.

I have two choices here. I could stop this game that Luka and I are playing. That’s probably exactly what he expects. It’s what I would do—what the old Petal would do. Honestly, this wouldn’t have even been a game. The old Petal would never be giving Luka a blowjob on the side of the road. It wouldn’t have happened. I know that’s what Luka thinks too, and I hate it. I hate the person I was when I was married to Luka. It’s that complicated, and it’s that simple. I got married as a child. I was pregnant, but I was still a child. I didn’t have time to become the person I should have been, and before I had time to figure out who that was exactly, I ran up against life and… Luka’s dad.

In that life, I was weak, but I’m not now. Not really. Yeah, I’ve not accomplished a lot, and I live with my mom, but I’m a damned good mother. I survived losing the love of my life, and maybe being a hairdresser isn’t what most people aspire to be, but I happen to love it. I’m also really good at it. I stay booked up a month in advance. When did I become this person? This woman who is afraid to jump without looking?

I ask myself that, but I don’t need to. Immediately the answer comes to me. The last time I jumped without looking was when I saw Luka Parish and decided I would make him mine. Maybe it was because of the lie—because that wasn’t the way I should have handled things, I’ll be the first to admit that. Maybe it was because of the people I was forced to deal with. Maybe it was because of the secrets of the past, or the fact that my ex-father-in-law is a bastard of epic proportions. Maybe it is quite simply all of those things rolled up together. Whichever answer I choose, the result is still the same.

I began to lose myself when I fell in love with Luka Parish.

If I think about that too long, it will remind me that Luka never knew the real Petal. Not really.

“I thought I saw a bear. Old man Duncan has had cattle going missing,” Luka lies, pulling my thoughts back to the here and now. “You can’t be too careful.”

“True enough. Do you need help?” Blue responds, but I have my thoughts on other things. I tune my brother out because if I think about him being here, I’ll stop. Luka’s dick is already starting to soften. There’s no way I want that. I want him to see me as a new woman, one who knows what she wants… and the only thing similar between the woman I know I am now and the girl Luka married is one thing.

The one thing I’ve always wanted: Luka.

18

LUKA

“Petal, are you going to come out of there? We’ll be late for dinner,” I call out for the third time. I lean my head against the wall by the bathroom door. I’ve had a rough day at work, I’m worn out, and the last thing I really want to be doing is going to dinner at my parents’. Petal’s making an already bad day worse, and arguing with her isn’t what I want either.

Fuck, I don’t know what I want anymore. I pinch the bridge of my nose and squint my eyes, hating the tension headache that is beginning to mount. I can feel the pressure and the dull ache of pain already.

“I don’t want to go to dinner, Luka. You should just go without me,” she says softly, finally opening the door.

“Petal—”

“I’m serious, Luka. They don’t want me there anyway—especially your dad. The only reason they included me on the invite is that it would look bad if they didn’t. It’s a big, fancy party and your father is going to have people there about his campaign for mayor. The last thing he needs is his fat daughter-in-law that he hates there to embarrass him further.”

“You’re not fat, Petal. You’re pregnant. My father will be on his best behavior tonight. Let’s just go and try and have a good time. Please, don’t make things more difficult. You’ve done enough. For once, just try to make things easier for me,” I tell her, feeling like an ass, but too worn out to keep arguing about the same things. Every day that goes by, Petal seems to get more and more miserable, and I can’t seem to work past my resentment to try and make it better. I wish we could just… start over, because everything just seems wrong right now…

Present:

I’m trying to keep my mind on the fact that my cock is hanging out in the air while my ex-brother-in-law is sitting not ten feet away from me. This wasn’t how I planned my evening. Then again, I sure as hell wouldn’t change any of it either. I still can feel the way the muscles of Petal’s pussy clenched against my fingers. I want more, and I don’t know what this means, but I know I’m not going to give it up easily. Sadly, she seems to have changed her mind about sucking me. I thought her courage might falter when she heard her brother’s voice. Petal was never really daring when it came to sex in the first place.

I clear my throat, trying to figure out a way to reach down and pull my pants back in place and button them without making it obvious.

“Nah. I’m about to leave,” I tell Blue—and the word “leave” ends with a squeak because it’s that moment when I feel Petal’s tongue slide against my balls.

“You alright?” Blue asks, and motherfucker if his car door doesn’t open. Shit! I need to get rid of him.

“Yeah. Told you I’m fine.” I reach down to pull away from Petal. I need to get my pants up before Blue decides to walk over here. My hands grab the waistband of my jeans and, like some kind of idiot, I paste a fucking fake smile on my face and look at Blue while pulling on my clothes. I get them to the top of my hips when Petal’s teeth sink into my hand. “Motherfucker!” I growl out without thinking.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Blue asks.

I start to panic because I hear gravel crunching under his feet. He’s walking around his car.

“A mosquito bit me,” I mutter, bringing my hand up. “Damn pests. I’ll make sure to smack its ass when I catch it again.”

“Smack its ass? Luka, are you sure you’re okay, buddy? It was hot today, maybe you’ve been out in the sun too much.”

“Yeah. Smack. Its. Ass,” I repeat, slowly casting my gaze down to Petal. She’s looking up at me… and she’s grinning. She’s sitting on the ground like she doesn’t have a care in the world and is close to laughing. Her brother could discover us like this at any moment, and unless I’m reading her wrong, I don’t think she gives a damn. In that moment, it feels like a string has been untied around my heart. There’s a pressure—a restriction—gone from it, and it beats harder, freer… happier. I don’t think; I just smile down at her, too, my hand sifting gently through her hair. We stare at each other like that. I’m not sure how long. A moment, maybe two. It would have been much longer if Blue hadn’t cleared his throat, bringing my attention back to him. Now he’s standing across from my car, leaning on the driver’s side door and staring at me over the top of it.

“What are you doing?”

“Trying to take a piss in private, okay?” I mumble, wishing he would leave—especially when Petal picks that moment to press her face against my cock, nuzzling me. Her hands move to my ass, clawing into the cheeks as she pulls me tighter against her. I really expected her to stop our game by now. I brace myself on the roof of the car and try to ignore what Petal is doing and pay attention to Blue… which is not fucking easy.

“Christ. I’ve never seen a man smile at his dick the way you just did while pissing.”

“It’s been a long time since I’ve done it. Got a lot stored up,” I mumble, telling the fucking truth, not that he or Petal would understand.

“Damn, Mason County can’t be keeping you that busy.”

I fight down the urge to groan as Petal’s tongue flattens against the bottom of my cock and licks slowly from the base all the way to the tip.

“It’s keeping me pretty occupied,” I assure him, my voice dropping down a notch. My eyes almost close as her tongue curls into the opening on my tip. I can literally feel her take my pre-cum into her mouth. In reaction, my balls tighten. A vision of me jerking off on her face and bathing her in my cum flashes through my mind, and it’s all I can do not to take control—and do exactly that.

“I can see that. Hey, I was wondering if I could ask a favor?”

Fucking hell, if he would ask whatever it is and then leave, I’d agree to anything right now.

Petal chooses that moment to slide down on my hard cock, not stopping until I’m completely lodged in her mouth, the head against the back of her throat. I can feel her throat muscles working against my shaft, flexing against them, squeezing until I know she’s taken me as far as possible. Her nose pushes against my groin. Her fingers have dug into my ass cheeks so harshly that I know I could see imprints of them if I were to look.

“Luka?” Blue prompts me.

“Ask away,” I tell him, my voice strained, my balls so fucking tight, I know it wouldn’t take much and I would be pouring my cum down his sister’s throat and not giving a fuck that he was standing there.

“I was wondering if I could get you to check out that new club they set up on the outskirts of town. The Shambles?”

“Oh fuck!” I growl out as Petal slides up and down on my cock, pumping it with her mouth. When her hand palms my balls, massaging them while she sucks me, I know I’m a goner. There’s no way I can last now.

“Hey. It’s not like I ask you for a lot of favors, but I need you to do this for me. I met a girl the other day while I was out of town. She says she’s going to be moving here and working at this place. I swear, Luka, I don’t think she’s old enough to work at a bar.”

“She has to be, or they wouldn’t hire her,” I rumble out, chancing a look down when the cool night air hits my heated dick. Petal flattens her tongue out again and looks up at me. Thanks to the pale light from Blue’s headlights and the streetlight a few feet away from me, I’m able to see her gather pre-cum on the tip of her tongue. I can’t look away as she follows the drop all the way up the rigid vein on my shaft onto the head.

“Still. Just to be sure, Luka. Will you check it out for me?”

Blue rarely talks. It pisses me off that he would pick tonight to become a Chatty Cathy. I’m doing the best I can to stay on top of the conversation when what I really want to do is get on top of his sister and fuck her until she’s screaming out my name, my balls are empty, and neither one of us can walk for a damned week.

“Oh, motherfucker! Don’t do this to me!” I all but cry when I look back down to see Petal has her breasts out. She’s rubbing the tip of my cock onto one of her nipples and covering it in my fucking pre-cum.

“It won’t take you ten minutes, man. Wouldn’t you like to know if the place is hiring underage women to dance?”

I really lose all track of the conversation at this point because I watch as Petal brings one of her breasts up to her mouth and licks the nipple before sucking it into her mouth.

“Holy fuck,” I groan, because this Petal is completely different from my wife. This Petal is every fucking wet dream I’ve ever had—personified.

“That’s what I thought. You could go down there just to look around. You don’t have to go as the sheriff,” Blue responds.

God, why won’t he leave already?

Petal lets go of her breast and uses her hand to stroke me. She holds me firmly and jacks me in one slow, strong stroke that makes me want to beg her to go faster—or put my hand over hers so that we can stroke my cock together. That’s when I watch as she brings her other hand from around me. I instantly miss the way she was holding onto my ass, but that thought flies out of my head when she sucks on one of her fingers. She does it while giving my cock another stroke.

Does she think she can fucking tease me? I should teach her a lesson and ram my cock in that mouth. That’d teach her to tease me.

“Lo’,” I growl warningly, feeling like a fucking tiger that’s pacing his cage.

“What?” Blue asks, and it takes me a minute to remember what the hell he said.

“I said that’d be kind of low. I’d rather just go down and tell them I’ve had complaints,” I mutter, and I can feel Petal’s wet fingers slide against the underside of my balls. Christ. I really can’t take much more.

“That’s fine. Hell. I’ll even come down and sign out a damned complaint. The last thing this town needs is trouble, and that girl shouldn’t move here especially for a job like that,” Blue says. I’d like to answer him, but speech is beyond me at the moment. I have my woman’s fingers moving over the backside of my balls, her hand jacking me off, and her breasts moving gently with each movement, her nipples hard and erect in the night air. I’m going to come all over her face and watch as my jizz drips down onto those nipples.

“I don’t need a complaint signed,” I breathe out, praying I last a few more minutes until Blue decides to get in his fucking truck and leave.

“Does that mean you’re going to go check it out? Or do I need to go down there?”

Blue keeps talking, but I don’t know a man alive that could endure what I’m going through and follow every little thing he says. My body tenses up when I feel Petal’s finger snake against the opening of my ass and press against it.

What the ever loving fuck?

She can’t be thinking. Even as the thought comes to me, I feel her pushing harder against my ass, her finger entering.

Petal and I never played much before. Sex was always good, but Petal was shy in bed, and it took a lot to get her to lose herself in the moment. Don’t get me wrong; it was better with her than I ever remember it being with anyone else. And fuck, after one taste of her, my dick didn’t want another woman. I didn’t want another woman.

I still don’t.

I’d give her just about anything, but as much as I’m okay with playing with her…

“No,” I mutter, my body tensing up. “There’s no going there,” I growl. She wants ass play, she can have my dick in her ass, my fingers in her ass, even my tongue in her ass—but, here’s where I’ll draw a hard line in the sand. There will be absolutely nothing going in my ass.

I look down at Petal, and she’s looking up at me with her lip sticking out, her eyes big and round. She’s pouting, and it’s a fucking good look on her. It’ll look better when she’s covered in my cum.

“Luka—” Blue begins, but I cut him off. I’ve hit my limit. I’ve never been a fucking saint, and I’m not about to start now.

“Leave, Blue.”

“What the hell has—”

“Either leave, or you can stand there while I fuck your sister and make her sorry for teasing me. Your choice, but you’re running out of time,” I growl, completely gone.

Petal lets out a soft gasp that makes my dick jerk in her hand.

“Yeah, I think I’ll pass on that. Watch the gravel on your knees, Lotus Petal. See you later,” Blue calls, turning immediately and going to his truck.

“Bye, Blue,” she whispers back, but her eyes never leave mine. Once his truck is gone, Petal starts to stand up.

“No. You sit right there and don’t move, Lo’,” I growl.

Her body locks in place. I move my hand to the base of my cock and begin stroking the fucker hard.

“What are you doing?” she asks, confused.

My hand slides up and down my shaft easily, a combination of the wetness from the way she sucked my cock down and the pre-cum that is practically running down the head. There’s no way I can last long enough to get inside of her, not this time. She has me too far gone. I’ll make her pay for that… later.

“I’m going to come all over those pretty little lips of yours… and those tits.”

“Luka,” Petal gasps. I’ve never talked to her like this before. Sex with us has been more sweet than anything. She’s rattled the beast inside of me, though, and I’ve been a fucking long time without a woman—without my woman. Still, I can try and hold back—if she’s not happy.

“If you don’t want this, you better tell me now, Lo’.” In response, she does something my wife would have never done: she holds her breasts up and leans toward my cock. “Lo?” I question, praying inside that it means what I think it does—yet, needing the words.

“Come for me, Luka. Come on me,” she whispers like a fucking siren leading me into deep water.

I jerk my cock again, moving my hand up and down. I can feel my balls expand and heat begin to spread up my back. Fuck yeah, I’m going to come on her. I stroke myself once, twice, and on the third stroke, a large strand of white cum splashes out and lands on her mouth. Her tongue instantly comes out to take some of it inside. I follow it up with another stream of cum, then another, and still yet another. I come all over her mouth and face. It goes in her hair and runs down her neck. And even when I’m finished, I keep jerking my cock, mesmerized by the way my woman is covered in my cum, at the way she’s rubbing it into her breasts and still licking it from her lips.

I feel like I’ve somehow slipped into an alternate universe. In this world, every dream and fantasy I’ve ever had is coming true. In this world, Petal is finally mine again. In this world, life is perfect.

God help me, I never want to leave.

19

PETAL

“Are you okay?” Luka asks. I don’t know how to answer him. I’m anything but okay. The party was a disaster. I knew it would be; it was only one of the reasons I tried to get Luka to keep me home. Still, even I couldn’t have guessed how epically wrong things went. “Petal, you can’t just not talk to me.”

“I don’t know what you expect me to say.” I whisper.

I have my eyes glued on the steering wheel of Luka’s truck. His hands are clenched so tight against it that his knuckles are white in color. The entire cab of the truck radiates with anger. I can’t be sure if it’s directed at me or his father. I have a feeling the majority of it is at me. It’s not that I expected him to take my side—not really. I just hoped. I seem to do a lot of hoping around Luka.

“I expect you to answer the question. Are you okay?”

“The baby’s fine,” I tell him, avoiding the question as best as I can.

Tonight at the party when his father cornered me in the study, I was scared. No. That’s not right. The truth was that I was terrified, even if I didn’t know why.

I soon found out, though. My stomach churns as I remember the vile things he said to me under his breath, all while posing for pictures with a smile on his face.

“You make him worse, you know.” Luka’s words cut at what little self-confidence I have left. He’s blaming me. Of course he has no idea the horrible things his father says to me, about me… about my mother. I start to tell him, but would it really make that much of a difference? I’m scared that if I do tell him, he’d still blame me, and that would kill me. I hate that I’m not brave enough to try.

“You would think that,” I whisper, turning my head to look out the window instead.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing, Luka. It means nothing.”

“Petal, you screamed at him in front of the press, and then you slapped him. He shouldn’t have grabbed you, but—”

“Don’t you dare defend him to me, Luka, and don’t you make excuses for him. He’s an asshole, and I should have shoved my foot up his ass!” Anger hits me and pushes me past the shock now.

“God, now you’re starting to sound like your mother.”

“There are worse things, Luka,” I whisper, laying my head against the seat.

“I don’t know what it could be.”

We ride back to the house in silence. It’s just as well. If I said anything, it would be to tell him that he sounds just like his father, and that’s much, much worse. In fact, it’s downright heartbreaking.

I rub my stomach wondering for the millionth time if my mother was right. Maybe I shouldn’t have gotten married. How can this atmosphere be healthy for a child? As I look at the tense figure of my husband and the way he’s still clutching the steering wheel, I sigh.

It’s not even healthy for the adults.

Present:

“You’re being awfully quiet, Petal,” Luka notes when we get back in the car. The atmosphere around us has changed, and I’m doing my best to shake off my nerves. The problem is that what we just did—as wonderful as it was—changes things. I’m not sure exactly what all it changes, but the ramifications could be huge, especially if you take into consideration that Blue knows. With my family, once one member knows, they all will. It will just be a matter of time.

I moisten my lips and take a deep breath. “Tonight kind of… escalated.”

“Are you having regrets?” he asks.

I chance a look at him. He’s staring straight ahead, eyes on the road. His profile is giving nothing away, and I’m not sure how to answer him. There’s a lot of things I could say, but none of them feel right. I decided to give him the truth—the part I can without totally exposing my heart.

“Not about what we did. I wanted it. I’ve missed you, Luka.” There’s silence, but the mood seems to shift somehow. I get the feeling I surprised him. “I just… I’m not sure what this means… now? You know?”

“Why does it have to mean anything?”

His words aren’t what I want to hear. I don’t know what I expected him to say. Maybe, if I’m brutally honest, I wanted to hear him say he loves me—that he’s always loved me, and that he’s tired of being without me. Maybe I really wanted to hear him tell me that he’s sorry he didn’t fight harder, didn’t try harder…

Maybe I want to hear him tell me he has the same regrets I do.

“So you’re saying nothing has changed?” I murmur, my stomach lurching with the words, because while that might be true for him, everything has changed for me.

“Well, it hasn’t, has it?”

“I guess not,” I agree, feeling like a kite that once was soaring in the sky with the wind pushing me higher and higher toward the warmth of the sun, but now is tattered and crashing back to earth with a harshness that only reality can bring.

“All I’m saying is, it was just sex, Petal. It doesn’t exactly have to mean anything. Everyone has sex.”

“I’ve never been… like everyone, Luka,” I whisper softly, wondering why it hurts so much that he doesn’t understand that. “Maybe it would have been better if I could be, but I’m not. I’ve only…”

“Only what?” Luka prompts me when I trail off, panicking I am giving away too much.

“It’s not important.”

“Finish what you were saying, Lo’.”

“Do you realize you only call me Lo’ when you’re trying to get me to agree or—?”

“Trying to get in your pants?” he jokes, and he quickly turns to look at me. His eyebrow is quirked up in question, he’s wearing a lazy smile, and strangely enough he looks more relaxed—more like the Luka I fell in love with.

“I’d say you already succeeded in that tonight,” I tell him, shaking my head, but I find myself smiling at him too.

“Finish what you were saying, Lo’.”

“It wasn’t anything important, Luka,” I lie. “I know you’re right. My sisters tell me often enough. I shouldn’t take things so seriously, but I’ve never really been like most people are when it comes to relationships.”

“Well, most aren’t married at seventeen,” he sighs.

“Yeah. And most are okay with enjoying sex without worrying about anything else.”

“You don’t enjoy sex?” he asks, and I know he’s dying to call me a liar.

“I do… but I’ve only ever shared that… with you.”

God. Why did I go there? Why did I tell him that?

“You’ve not been with anyone else since our divorce?”

“Go ahead, Luka, you can laugh. God knows my brothers and sisters do. That’s the reason they started this whole ‘Get-Petal-A-Date’ campaign.”

“I’m not laughing Lo’. Are you telling me the reason you went out with that asshole tonight was to get laid?”

“No! Well, not specifically.”

I watch as Luka’s hands flex against the steering wheel. This was not the conversation I thought we’d be having after sex.

How did I manage to mess things up with Luka yet again?

20

LUKA

Present:

“What was I, Lo’? Just a stand-in? Jesus!”

“Will you shut up? Geez. Shouldn’t the past have shown both of us not to jump to conclusions? You know how my family is. They think it’s their right to know everything, and since I haven’t gone on a date in forever—”

“But you have dated, Lo’. You’ve gone on dates since the divorce,” I growl. I can’t help that the tone of my voice comes out accusatory. It’s something that’s always pissed me off. It’s hard for a man to see the woman he has thought of as his forever go out with other men. There were nights I had to drink until I passed out just to keep from killing one of the bastards.

“Well, yeah. A couple of times in the beginning. Mostly because Mom, Maggie, and Mary wouldn’t shut up,” she mutters. I glance over at her, and she looking down at her hands. She’s picking imaginary lint from her clothes. It’s another one of her nervous gestures, and for some reason, it makes me smile.

“One day you’re going to have to learn to live your life without letting them have a say in it,” I chastise, and I know I shouldn’t have. Still, there’s an old bitterness inside of me that I’ve never been able to let go.

“Believe it or not, Luka, I have… or at least I was, until…”

“Until?”

“Can we just drop this?” she mutters, looking out the window.

“Maybe you and I have dropped things way too often, Lo’. Don’t you look back sometimes with regrets? Wish we had done things differently?”

“Every. Damned. Day,” she answers unequivocally and immediately.

“So have I, Lo’. So have I.”

“Let’s just say,” she begins, “seeing you with Tani was like a giant sign from the universe that I need to stop living in the past. It wasn’t that spectacular to begin with.”

Her words register, and I’m not sure how I feel about them. She’s not wrong, but then again, she’s not completely right either. There’s so much I would like to say to her, but they are things I don’t want to bring up between us. I feel like I’m walking on eggshells with Petal, and somehow that has to stop.

“Not all of it was bad, Lo’,” I tell her, and it seems to be a familiar refrain between the two of us—especially tonight. But I need her to keep admitting it to me at least.

“No. Not all of it was bad,” she says with a sad smile, “but still, seeing another woman hug you, kiss you… I couldn’t argue with Maggie. I can’t keep hiding from the world. I love my son, but I’m also a woman… my own person. It’s not healthy to ignore that.”

“Have you been ignoring that?” I ask before I can stop myself.

She lets out a loud sigh, and I figure she’s going to ignore my question. Instead, she surprises me.

“Mentions of cobwebs growing in undisclosed areas were made,” she jokes, and even in the low light in the cab of the car, I can see her blush.

“I think we just took care of any cobwebs,” I tell her, slowing down so that I can stare at her a little longer.

“I guess we did.” She smiles, and her gaze holds mine for a minute before I am forced to look back at the road.

“Ask me how many dates I’ve been on in the year we’ve been divorced, Lo’.”

“Luka, it’s really none of my business.”

“Ask me, Lotus Petal,” I order, and fight my smile when she visibly reacts in distaste.

“How many dates have you been on?”

“The other night with Tani was the first time I’ve asked a woman out since our divorce papers were signed. I knew it was a mistake when I did it, and after she tried to kiss me—she knew it, too.”

“You don’t have to say that, Luka,” she whispers, and she’s not looking at me, but I can hear the doubt in her voice. With a sigh, I pull over to the side of the road yet again—although sadly, not for the same reason as earlier. “Luka? What are you doing?” Petal asks, surprised. “Listen, I know we got carried away earlier, but maybe—”

I reach over and pull her hand to my groin, and then I flatten the palm of her hand against the outline of the raging cock-stand I still have—despite coming just a little bit ago.

“Do you feel that, Lo’?” I know she does, because she’s pressing her hand hard against the rigid shaft. I watch her face, and when her tongue comes out to lick hungrily against her lips, I groan. I wrap my hand around the side of her neck and bring her lips to mine. I curse the damned seatbelt that keeps me from scooping her up and pulling her onto my lap.

She immediately opens her mouth for me, hungry for my kiss in a way she’s never been before. She’s almost as aggressive as me, and feeling her hunger for me is the sweetest taste of heaven I’ve ever had. I own her mouth, devouring her with my kiss and bruising her lips carelessly. I could get drunk just from the taste of her.

“Luka,” she whispers breathlessly when we finally break apart.

“I need you again already. I have never come harder in my life than I did back there beside the road, Lo’, and I’m already close to coming again. That doesn’t just happen, honey. I’ve been without a woman for a long time.”

My lungs feeling like they’re on fire from the burning need raging through me. I didn’t think about my words, but I immediately feel the way her body tenses. I guess I’m not the only one to jump to conclusions.

“Lo’, I’ll spell it out for you,” I tell her, putting my fingers under her chin to bring those blue eyes up to my face. I need her to see me when I talk. I need her to see the truth. “I haven’t wanted another woman—but you.”

I watch as the truth hits her. Her dark blue eyes widen, and her pupils dilate. Her breathing stalls as her hand flexes against my cock.

“I haven’t wanted anyone else either, Luka. I never have, but there’s so much between us…”

“How about we go with whatever happened tonight and take it day by day?”

“Day by day?” she whispers, her stare clouding with confusion.

“No expectations, no demands, Lo’. Let’s just… go slow and take it—”

“Day by day,” she finishes, biting on her bottom lip.

“Can you do that?”

“Can you?” she asks me in return.

“I think it’s the best way. We have to worry about River. We don’t want to confuse him.”

“Blue’s not going to keep his mouth quiet…”

“I’ll deal with your brother.”

“Please,” she responds. “You know as well as I do, it’s not going to be contained to just one brother,” she half laughs, but I hear the stress in her voice.

“I learned how to tangle with the Crayon boys years ago when it came to you. I think I can handle it.”

“I’m just not sure why you want to,” she whispers, her teeth worrying the side of her bottom lip.

“The reason is what it has always been, Lo’. I want more of you.”

“I want more of you, too.”

“Then we start tonight,” I tell her, giving her a quick kiss and then turning away from her before I give in to my desire to fuck her right here in the truck.

“We start… What do you mean?”

“I mean River is with your mother. The house is empty, and I’m not done with you tonight, Lo’. Not by a long shot.”

“Oh…” she breathes out as I pull onto the main road.

I look over at her briefly. “Any arguments?”

“None,” she says, surprising me. I find myself hoping she has a lot more surprises in store for me tonight.

21

PETAL

Present:

“Look what the cat dragged in,” Mom mutters from the breakfast table the next morning. I ignore her, although I know I am blushing.

“I’d say it’s more like: ‘Look what the worn-out pussy dragged in’,” Maggie teases with a laugh.

I cut her a mean look. “Don’t you have a home to eat breakfast in?”

“I do, but then I’d have to go grocery shopping, and that requires too much effort. I guess we don’t need to ask you how your date went.”

“We should probably ask her if she used protection,” Cyan smirks.

“I raised nothing but a bunch of horny boys and easy daughters,” Mom grumbles, taking a drink of her coffee.

“Hey! I resemble that remark!” Cyan jokes.

“We all do,” Maggie agrees.

“I thought you were the ones who said I needed to get laid?” I exclaim, going to the cabinet to find a bowl. After the workout Luka gave me this morning, I’m starved.

“You did, but Jesus, make them work for it a little bit,” Mom says, shaking her head. “In my day, a girl didn’t just spread her legs and roll out the welcome mat. A man had to work for it.”

“I thought you told us White and Gray were products of free love rallies in Kansas?” Maggie asks, smiling sweetly.

“Just because it was free, dear, doesn’t mean it was easy,” Mom answers. Maggie and I look at each other as I sit down, each of us clearly rolling our eyes and not getting the distinction.

“Bullshit,” Cyan coughs.

“Is that any way to talk to your poor, sainted mother?” Ida Sue asks, trying to look upset, but ruining the effect by sticking out her tongue.

“Did I miss something? When did they give you sainthood?”

“They haven’t yet. Damned bureaucrats. I’m sure it’s coming soon, however,” Mom answers Cyan, and I swear I think she might be serious. Maggie and I grin at each other.

“So was it good?” Maggie asks me.

I can’t stop myself from grinning in return. “There’s no cobwebs now, that’s for sure,” I brag, taking a bite.

“I don’t want to hear about my sister getting laid,” Cyan groans.

“My stomach is even sore,” I add—my grin growing larger.

“La, la, la, la! I can’t hear you!” Cyan sings.

“And I may not walk the same for a week,” I add just to irritate him more, but I’m not really lying either. Luka was a machine last night. I didn’t think a man could go that many times. Once we got to the house, he had me against the wall, on the couch, in the shower, and then woke me up two more times through the night. When he said he had been storing up, apparently he wasn’t lying. This morning, he was complaining his balls were sore, but that didn’t stop him from using his mouth on me before I left.

“Now you’re just bragging,” Maggie sighs.

“Of course I’m not. If I was bragging, I’d tell you how I discovered I’m double-jointed and can put my legs up around my—”

“And,” Cyan all but yells, “I’m out of here! I’d rather walk in on Mom and Jansen again than hear how my little sister spent her night of debauchery.”

“You’re a fine one to talk about debauchery. I know the kind of clubs you hang in, Cyan,” Maggie says with a smirk.

“Why are we even using the word ‘debauchery’?” asks Mom. “Is that even a word anymore?”

“After last night, I think it should be,” I giggle, and Maggie gives me a high-five.

“See? All my girls are easy,” Mom complains, sounding like she might be going into mourning. She really would if she knew Craig Weston wasn’t the reason I was smiling and sore this morning. I can’t find it in me to care either. Last night was one of the best nights of my life, and I already want more. There’s even this small hope inside of me that thinks maybe there’s a chance Luka and I can get things right this time.

“So you’re saying they’re taking after you?” Jansen asks, coming in the kitchen and smacking Mom’s ass with the back of his newspaper.

“Jansen, you take that back right this instant!” Mom growls.

“Hush your whining, Lovey. I like you just the way you are.”

“You’re an old goat,” she huffs, but she’s smiling when he walks behind her and hugs her close, nuzzling the side of her neck.

My mother has made parts of my life hell, but I’m not stupid. I know she had a reason, and I don’t judge her for it. I can’t even say I wouldn’t have done the same in her shoes. I’m so glad she found her happily-ever-after with Jansen. He’s a good man, and they’re good together. My mom deserves that after the hell she’s been through.

“I’m out of here. I got a meeting at eleven,” Cyan says as he kisses Mom on the cheek.

“What kind of meeting?” I ask, curious. Cyan keeps things close, but he’s been more and more secretive lately.

“Never you mind, nosy-britches.”

“Britches?” I snort.

He laughs, leaving and shutting the door behind him.

“When is Luka bringing River home?” asks Mom. “Jansen and I were going to take him fishing out at the old goose pond.”

Just the mention of Luka makes my body flush.

“No name-calling today?” Maggie asks.

“No need now that my Petal has seen the light and moved on. So what time?” she prompts.

I have to bite my tongue before I tell her I’m not moving on. I won’t tell her. I am not sure where Luka’s mind is, and we promised to take it day by day with no stress. My mom would definitely be stress.

“Sometime after dinner. He decided he’d take some alone-time with River this evening, because I have a color job at the shop scheduled at four.”

“Well, shit. I hope he doesn’t keep him too late,” Mom whines.

I want to add that I don’t either, but our reasons are completely different. I just want to see Luka again. I’ve barely been away from him for an hour, and my body is already craving him again.

I might be in trouble.

22

LUKA

“I’ll have a beer.”

I look up to see Black standing beside me at the bar. Just what I fucking need. He sits down, despite me giving him a look that clearly says: “Back the fuck away.”

“Imagine my surprise when I go to check on my sister and find her crying her eyes out.”

“Back off, Black. What goes on between me and Petal is none of your business.”

“That’s where you’re wrong. When it involves me finding my sister crying, sick, and alone while she’s ready to give birth to my nephew, it is my fucking business.”

“Sick? She’s not sick. I just left her. She was fine.”

“Except she’s cried so much, she’s made herself sick. You promised me you were going to take care of her. That’s the only reason I stood back and let you marry her,” Black tells me, and he’s pissing me off.

“Stay out of it, Black. This is none of your business,” I warn him.

He grabs my collar and pulls me around to him. I jerk away—but when I see the anger on his face, I stop. I’ve seen Black angry before. I’ve seen Black angry and even had it directed at me before. This is different.

“My sister made mistakes, Luka. I won’t deny that. But, she was sixteen. You don’t have that excuse.”

“I didn’t know she—”

“Save it. I’ve heard it all before. It doesn’t matter. Petal made mistakes, but at least she owned up to them, and she’s giving a hundred percent now to try and fix them. You, on the other hand—”

“You have no idea what I’m doing or going through! Don’t try—”

“I know that people want to talk shit about my family in this damned town, but at least we know how to take care of our own. We don’t fucking let others treat them like shit and then punish them for taking up for themselves.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” I growl, but I get the feeling he does.

“Before you walk out on my sister leaving her crying and alone, maybe you need to ask yourself what the hell your father did to her before you showed up.”

“Listen, my father’s a bastard, but Petal should have—”

“She should have a man with enough balls to protect her. I like you, Luka. I always have, and the fucked up part about all of this is I think you truly love my sister.”

“I do.”

“Then I’m sad for you. Because if you don’t wake the hell up, she’s going to leave you. She’ll leave you, and I’ll be the first one in line to help her,” Black finishes, and then he walks out.

The bartender puts his drink on the bar, and I grab it. No sense in letting it go to waste, especially when I’ll probably have to pay for it anyway.

Fuck.

Present:

“Well, well…What do we have here?” Black asks, opening the door.

“Uncle Black!” River yells, tackling his uncle’s legs.

“Hey, buddy! You’re just in time. Terry is in the family room playing video games, and Aunt CC is bringing over the twins.”

“Cool! Bye, Dad! Love ya!” River yells without so much as looking back. There’s nothing like feeling appreciated—I guess. Once he leaves, I look at Black. He’s wearing a smile that’s a fucking mile long. His arms are crossed at his chest, and he looks cocky as hell. That would be enough to set off alarm bells, but it is what I see behind him that could strike fear in any man. Cyan, Green, White, Gray, and Blue. They’re all sitting there giving me similar looks, and at the head of the table is the biggest worry of all: Jansen.

Fuck. This is not going to be pleasant.

“Luka. We were all just talking about you,” Green says. I bet they were.

“Is that a fact?”

“Come on in,” Black says with a grin.

“I need to be going. I’ve got plans for later.”

“I’m sure you do,” Cyan mutters.

“What’s that mean?” I growl.

I’m not taking their shit. Whatever is going on between me and Petal now will stay just that: between me and Petal. We’ve had too much family involvement when it comes to our relationship.

“Blue had an interesting story to tell us tonight,” White informs me. “Care to guess what it was about?”

I cast Blue a look, and the bastard just shrugs. Slowly, I look at each of Petal’s brothers, and then, finally, Jansen. Whereas the brothers are all smiling and staring at me like they have something over me, Jansen’s face is impassive, giving nothing away. Ida Sue has always hated me, but for some reason, Jansen always remained out of it. I grudgingly respected him for that. Now, I have to wonder if he’s about to get involved. Christ! Of course I would have to love a woman with a family who are all flirting with being clinically insane.

Loved. Loved a woman. I mean, I respect Petal now. She’s the mother of my child, and despite our history, she’s an amazing mother. That’s it, though. What’s between us has more to do with sex, not…

I need to quit fucking being a pussy and man-up. A man doesn’t go a year without a woman. He doesn’t turn down a woman like Tani unless… he’s completely in love.

I love Petal. I’ve always loved her, and if after everything between us I can still say that, it’s clear that it will never change. Which means I might as well deal with these assholes, because they aren’t going anywhere, and I’m not giving my wife up—not again.

Which also means, I might as well get used to having Ida Sue as a mother-in-law for the rest of my life.

Fuck.

“You’re not even going to ask what Blue’s story was about?” Green adds.

“The weather?” I ask, doing my best to sound like I’m bored.

“No. Though I did hear something got pretty wet last night,” Cyan jokes.

“Cut it out, dumbass! That’s our sister you’re talking about,” Black growls, hitting him on the back of the head.

“Ow! Damn it! Stop that! I was talking about Luka’s dick!”

Just for fun—and because I can—I reach over and slap Cyan on the back of his head, too.

“Stop even thinking about my dick.”

“Asshole,” he growls, but he’s still laughing.

“I forgot what a joy it was to be around all of you dumbasses,” I sigh, sitting down at the table because apparently I’m going to be here for a while.

“We are fucking awesome,” Gray insists, and I flip him off.

“What’s going on between you and Petal?” White asks, and just like that, any pretense of joking is gone. It’s as if someone flipped a switch and immediately the mood shifts to serious.

“That’s really none of your business,” I tell him and just wait for the fallout.

“The hell it’s not. She’s our sister,” Green yells, and several other brothers chime in. Two of them don’t, however—the two I’m actually the most concerned with.

Black and Jansen.

“She’s my wife,” I answer, my fist clenching with the need to lash out. I don’t want to be discussing this with them. I won’t have her family being part of our relationship—not again.

“Odd. I could have sworn you were divorced,” Jansen answers, and it occurs to me what I said. I swallow down the retort.

“And that you were just out with another woman a few days ago,” White adds, and that’s it.

“Listen. I know you all love your sister, but this isn’t your business. What happens between me and Lo’ is our business. Whatever happens from here on out will remain just that—ours,” I growl, getting up. I need out of here before I go off on every one of them.

“Do you love my daughter?” Jansen asks. The room goes quiet.

“I didn’t realize that—”

“I may have not been the seed that planted this crazy garden, but I’m damn well claiming them, and I have for a while now. So, my question to you, son, is simple: do you love my daughter?”

I look at Jansen. There’s different things I could say here. I could walk away, I could lie, or I could just give him the truth. Jansen’s always been a straight shooter with me, and I find myself wanting to give that back to him.

“I love her. Are you going to cause problems?”

“Good enough. I reckon you will have your hands full enough with Lovey.”

“I figure you’re right. She’s never liked me. I don’t imagine that’s going to change, and all respect Jansen, I don’t really give a fuck at this point.”

“Ida Sue is a good woman. She has a heart of gold, but in every heart there’s a little darkness. I don’t expect you to sympathize,” he says, likely because he can see the coldness that comes over my face. Before I can respond, he starts again. “But you need to know Ida Sue has her reasons for feeling like she does.”

“I don’t see what. I’ve never done a damned thing to her. I realize the way Petal and I got started wasn’t ideal, but that wasn’t entirely on my shoulders either.” I sigh, rubbing the back of my neck and feeling the tension build there. I need to see Petal again. I need to make sure I’m not alone in this, because right now, I’m feeling as if I’m out facing the storm by myself.

“They’re not my secrets to tell, and I won’t be giving them away. I’m just letting you know they’re there. So before you lash out, remember, a woman’s heart is a deep well. It can hold a lot more pain than a man’s can. That’s just truth,” he says mysteriously. He walks over to me and slaps his weathered hand on my shoulder. He leans in where only I can hear him. “Good luck, son. You’re in for a fight, but then again, most good things are a fight to hold on to.” Then he walks away.

I half-turn so that I can watch him leave. Once the door closes, I realize I’m alone with the Crayon brothers, and this time, every damned one of them is grinning at me like the loons they are.

Great. Just great.

23

PETAL

Present:

My final customer leaves, and I lean against the door with a sigh of relief. It feels like today has gone on forever. I haven’t heard from Luka, and I have to admit that it makes me nervous. I thought he would have at least called me or texted or something.

I have this nagging fear that I can’t get rid of, but I keep doing my best to push it away.

I go to the back of the salon and flip on the radio, tuning the music to my favorite station. Immediately, the sounds of Ray LaMontagne float through the air. I close my eyes and listen as the music fills the room with the song “Trouble”. I grab the broom, return to my work station, and start sweeping, swaying to the music.

I’m lost in the lyrics and my thoughts so much so that when there’s a knock at the door, I jump. I look across the room at the glass door to the shop.

My breath catches, lodging in my chest. I’ve loved this man my entire life. My. Entire. Life. He stands there watching me, and for a moment, I can’t move. I couldn’t move if my life depended on it. His dark gaze is staring into me, and I can feel our connection even from this distance—even through the door that separates us. He didn’t shave this morning, and he has new stubble on his face. Somehow, that makes him even more appealing. He’s wearing his uniform and I don’t think I’ll ever get over how commanding that makes him look, or how my knees go weak from the sight of him. Maybe it’s because I know what is under that uniform, but I think it has more to do with the fact that it’s just Luka. If I’m going to be entirely honest with myself, it will always be him.

It doesn’t matter what happens to him or what changes take place in life; Luka Parish will always be the man I love.

My gaze drops down to his hands. His hands are rough and callused, and I love the way they feel when they move over my body, instantly teasing the skin and causing chills to fire through my system. I knew the moment that hand first reached out and touched me, the moment his fingers first wrapped around mine… that his hand was the one I would want to hold for all of my life. This hand—Luka’s hand—was one I would want to hold when I was old and gray. The hand that would give me comfort during times of sadness, the hand that I would hold to share my greatest moments. Luka Parish’s hand was the one I wanted to hold as I marked every moment of my life on this earth. Divorce never changed that. Life never changed that either, and somehow, not even his father managed to change that.

As if on cue, Bonnie Raitt begins singing “I Can’t Make You Love Me”, and the irony of the song isn’t lost on me. I lean my broom up against my chair and wipe my hands on my pants, suddenly feeling more than a little lost. I paste a smile on my face and go to the door to let him in.

“Hey, Lo’,” he greets me softly. His graveled voice feels as sweet as a touch.

“Hey,” I whisper, and the smile on my face deepens as he leans into me.

“I missed you.” He can’t know just how much those three words make joy spread inside of me.

“You just saw me this morning,” I respond, biting back my reply of missing him in return. I step away from the door, and he slides past me to get inside. Once he does, I lock the door. I take a moment to collect my emotions before turning to face him.

“It’s been a long day,” he says, and he’s staring at me intently. I get the feeling he’s searching for something. The idea makes me nervous. I want to just ask him what he’s looking for, what is he thinking, what does he need from me. The words are frozen somewhere in my heart—along with the vow that I would give him anything in the world that I could possibly give just to make him happy.

“Luka…”

“Lo’…”

We say this simultaneously. Which causes Luka to let out a dry laugh and rake his hand through his hair in agitation.

“You first,” I urge him, but he shakes his head.

“You,” he insists. “What did you start to say?”

“I really want to… Can I kiss you, Luka?” I ask him frankly, feeling my face heat.

“I wish like fuck you would, Lo’,” he groans. For some reason, I feel like my words give him exactly what he was searching for a moment ago. That’s good, because as I step into his arms and feel them close around me, I feel like I’m in the one place I’ve always belonged. I stretch up on my tiptoes and then link my hands behind Luka’s neck to bring his lips to mine.

This… this is everything. Luka is everything.

24

LUKA

Present:

The minute Petal moves into my arms and presses her lips against mine, the chaos and worry of today fades away. Everything but the two of use cease to exist, and my world is filled with hope. Maybe it’s just one more sign that things might be better this time around. I’m holding onto that as I take back control and deepen the kiss. There’s a part of me that says I should pull back and think about this more, especially considering the conversation with Petal’s brothers and Jansen earlier. But holding back with Petal in my arms takes a stronger man than I will ever be.

“God, I’ve missed you today,” she admits, and I smile. I fucking smile.

“I’ve missed you too, Lo’.” I lean down to kiss the side of her neck and breathe in her scent. Her fingers bite into my back as she pushes her body into me. Was she always this responsive? I don’t think so.

“I don’t know what we’re doing here, Luka,” she whispers, her head going back to give me better access. I push her shirt up, and she helps me pull it over her head, revealing her breasts to me. They’re encased in a silky red bra, and the tits themselves are overfilling the straining cups of her bra. Christ.

“That’s easy, Lo’. We’re fucking,” I growl, but I’m not being truthful. It’s not fucking with Petal. With Petal, it’s always been making love.

I reach down and grab her thighs as she pulls my head down to her and kisses me again. Our breathing is out of control, but who needs air when you have a kiss so hot it brands your soul? The hunger between us burns like an out of control forest fire and is just as hot. Our time apart has done nothing to quench that; if anything, it’s made that part of our relationship stronger.

I pull her up my body, she hooks her legs around me, never letting go of my mouth. I force myself to pull back just enough to look around. There’s a sofa at the front of the store, but it’s not ideal because the store has too many damned windows. It might be dark outside, or on the verge of getting dark, but the streetlights still shine bright, and looking into the shop with the lights on is easy.

“Luka?” Petal questions, her voice pleading and confused all at the same time.

“Don’t you have somewhere private in here, Lo’?” I mutter out in my frustration. I’m torn between letting her go and fucking her against the wall. I’m not sure I care who sees us at this point.

“The room in the back, but it’s tiny,” she whispers while slowly undoing my pants. When her sweet little hand wraps around my cock, I know I’m done for. I sit down in one of the salon chairs, bringing Petal with me. The sides of the chair come up too high, and there’s very little room to move let alone get her knees where I need them so she can ride me.

“Fuck,” I growl in frustration. Petal’s hands still, and I look up at her in regret—only to find her smiling at me. “I didn’t really plan this through,” I admit to her, and the annoyance in my voice is thick. “You got time to come by the house?” I add, hoping against hope.

Her smile dims instantly, and I read the regret on her face at once.

“I can’t. I’ll have to get home to River. By the time we drive out to the house and then back here, I’d be really late getting back, and—”

“He needs you,” I finish for her, knowing it’s true and hating this whole situation even more. I should have my family under my roof. I should be able to make love to my woman anytime I want. Old anger is pushing at me, and I have to fight the urge to give in to it. Arguing with Petal is the last thing I want. I made her promise to take it day by day, and I need to do the same.

“Yeah, but…” she whispers, and she’s smiling again.

“But?” I ask, praying I’m reading the look on her face correctly.

She slides off my lap, stands up, then reaches her hand out to me. I stand up, curious as to what she has on her mind. She turns us so my back is to the front of the shop, and then slowly begins unbuttoning my uniform shirt.

“What do you think you’re doing, Lo’?” I ask, shrugging out of my shirt when she finishes. She ignores me for a moment, choosing instead to let her hand travel over my chest and down over my abdomen.

“I’ve always loved your body, Luka. Always. I have to admit though that there’s one part I’ve always been fascinated with,” she murmurs, her gaze following the path her hand makes.

I grab her hand and bring it down to my cock which is straining against my pants. “He’s always been fascinated with you, too,” I tell her. She laughs, and the sound is free, giving, and warm—everything I’d loved about Petal in the early days of our relationship before all of the lies, secrets, and families got in our way.

“Cute, but that’s not the part I meant,” she laughs.

“Honey—”

“It’s this little trail of hair you keep right here,” she whispers, going down to her knees in front of me.

“Lo’,” I warn her right before she flattens her tongue out against my navel and uses her tongue to follow alongside the small strip of hair. “Christ, honey,” I groan, my eyes closing. My hands go to her hair, needing that connection with my fingers as she tortures me.

“It does make me… happy, Luka,” she whispers, her tongue flicking into my navel. She begins working on my belt, unlatching it along with my pants. I take the belt from her, being careful with the gun and holster, and place them on the chair beside me. “And I can’t lie,” she whispers, pulling my pants down easily. “I do like the path it takes me on.”

She says those words in her soft voice just as her hand wraps around my cock again. I should stop her. Essentially, my ass is hanging out for anyone that passes the shop to see. Main Street isn’t really busy in our town at this time of night, but that doesn’t mean it’s deserted either.

“Lo’, I don’t think this is a good idea,” I warn her.

“I really like that you still go commando,” she says, her eyes glued to my dick as she strokes it tightly in her fist. Maybe she didn’t hear me. Hell, right now, I’m not sure I care.

“Lo’, honey, right now that means my ass is on display to anyone passing down the street.”

The word “street” comes out as a growl because Petal chooses that moment to drag her tongue up the side of my cock. She twirls her tongue on the head, gathering up my pre-cum which is covering not only the head, but running down the sides. Shit. I can’t help but watch as she gathers it on her tongue. I may come just like this.

“Do you want me to stop?” she asks before sliding that fucking mouth of hers down on my shaft and taking me all the way to the back of her throat. She comes off of me so slowly that I can literally feel each jerk of my cock against her tongue. She releases me with a loud pop of a sound and looks up at me, begging me to say no.

Her hair is mussed around her flushed face, her lips are wet and swollen from what we’ve done, and I can see a little of my pre-cum on her chin. Her breasts are bare to me, the nipples hardened and pointing up toward me. Every fucking fantasy I’ve ever had. That’s Petal.

“Finish me, Lo’,” I growl, and the joy that spreads over her face is my reward. I close my eyes and lose myself in my woman. I tangle my fingers deeper in her hair and fuck her mouth with a hunger and a need I’ve kept hidden for years.

When I shoot her mouth full of my cum—so fucking full that it leaks from her mouth and drips back down the shaft that she’s still eagerly sucking—it’s her name I cry out. As I watch my cum drip down onto her breasts, I vow that whatever I do, I will find a way to put my family back together.

I don’t care what I have to do; it’s happening. Our families can go to hell. The only ones that matter are me, Petal and River.

Which is ironic, since if I had been watching out the front window, I might have seen disaster approaching us way before it arrived. I was occupied, however—delightfully so—and I didn’t notice the person standing in front of the door taking in the show Petal and I were unknowingly providing. I didn’t see the anger on their face and I didn’t see them walk away.

Thankfully I saw none of that. I only saw the woman I love.

25

PETAL

“I told you I don’t want River at that man’s house! You know that, Luka!” I yell, feeling desperation circle in on me.

“That man is my father, Lo’! He has a right to spend time with his only grandchild!” Luka growls back at me.

He doesn’t understand. He thinks I’m being unreasonable. He doesn’t have any idea what a bastard his father is. The thought of that man around my child chills me to the bone. The few times I’ve had to be in a room with him have been hard enough.

Maybe I am being unreasonable. I don’t have proof exactly that he did anything to my mom. She refuses to even discuss it, but just from the man’s comments, I know something happened. I have a feeling deep inside of me that tells me whatever it was, it wasn’t good. I know that’s what is behind my mom’s resentment of Luka.

I haven’t pushed it further. How can I? What if I’m right? If I find out that my father-in-law in fact raped my mother…

Just the thought causes bile to rise up in my throat. I can’t allow that man to be alone with my son—or to be around my son at all. I can’t let a monster have any influence over my child.

“He has zero right when it comes to River,” I tell Luka, but I’m mostly speaking the thought aloud to remind myself. I turn away from Luka to grab my jacket off the side of the couch.

“Where are you going?” Luka questions, clearly exasperated with me.

“I’m going to go get my son,” I tell him, turning to head for the door. My hand is on the knob about ready to turn it when Luka says something that hurts me deeper than anything we’ve said to each other to date.

“Will you quit being stupid, Petal? I swear, I can’t stand it when you act like an immature brat just because you don’t get your way.”

“Luka,” I start. Having him call me stupid feels like he’s carving my heart out of my chest. I want to tell him to stop, to let him know how much he just hurt me, but he doesn’t let me say anything. He has no interest in what I have to say. I’m starting to wonder if he’s listened to anything I’ve said to him since the day he found out I lied.

“I’ve had enough of this shit. River is staying with my father tonight and that’s it.”

“That’s not it. I forbid it,” I state, standing up to Luka like I never have before.

“You don’t have a say. Short of a court order that says he can’t, then nothing can stop a grandparent from spending time with their grandchild—especially when a parent agrees.”

“Luka—”

“And last time I checked, I was still River’s father, Petal.”

“So, nothing I say matters? You don’t care how I feel? I’ve tried and tried to talk to you about your father!”

“You’ve always had it out for my father. I know he can be harsh—”

“Harsh? He’s a monster, Luka.”

“Quit exaggerating Petal. I’m not listening to this anymore.

“Then I want a divorce,” I whisper, the words out before I know it. The words being torn from my very soul.

The words that would change my life forever…

Present:

“Hey, honey,” Luka says into the phone.

I get tingly all over. I swear his voice—all slumbered and soft—makes my toes curl. We’ve been kind of together now for three months.

Kind of together…

Crap. I don’t know what you call it. I’d say sleeping together, but not much sleep has been going on. I’d say having sex, but there’s actually been very little insert-penis-inside-the-hole type of sex. Lots of oral sex, and definitely loads of foreplay, but except for that first night…

It’s been great yet frustrating at the same time. If we don’t go all the way again—and soon—I may lose my mind.

“Hey,” I answer softly, curling into my pillow.

“Did you make it there okay?”

“Yeah, I got in around three.”

“I hate that I couldn’t take you.” Luka sighs, and I have to agree with him. The owner of the salon asked me to attend a tradeshow in Dallas with her. It’s spotlighting the hottest designs and trends in our industry and some of the newest equipment on the market. I didn’t really want to go. I hate the idea of being away from River. He’s getting sick, and I hate not being close to him.

I can’t lie either. I hate being away from Luka, too. Being away from him might give him time to think twice about whatever we’re doing together. He might decide to end it if I’m not there reminding him why he shouldn’t—and I think that might kill me.

I’m not sure what we’re doing together or where it might go, but somewhere in the back of my head, I’m praying a miracle happens and I finally get the life I’ve always wanted with Luka. I know we still have the world between us, but we’re older now. We’re wiser too, and surely there has to be a way to make it all work out.

I know I’m probably fooling myself, but I have to believe it. I have to.

“I hate it, too.” I grin into the phone. “But if you had, we probably wouldn’t have made it here,” I add, only half joking.

“What are you implying?”

“I’m not implying. I’m saying flat-out that we would have still been in the bathroom of the service station I filled my car up at,” I say with a laugh.

“You didn’t complain last time we played in a bathroom,” he murmurs. His voice is dropping down a notch and making me feel all warm and soft.

“That’s because the last time we played in a bathroom, it was at Legions,” I tell him, naming the local steakhouse just outside of Mason.

“I thought you liked Legions?” Luka asks innocently.

“I do, but their bathrooms are clean. Gas station restrooms, not so much.”

“I bet I could have made you like it.”

“Probably.” I’m not even bothering to deny it.

“I miss you baby,” he whispers, and maybe it’s wishful thinking, but I think he’s smiling.

“I miss you, too.”

“Hurry home soon.”

I want to ask him what would happen if I moved in his house when I got back. I want to ask him what we’re doing here, or how much longer it will last. I have so many questions, but I’m terrified to ask any of them.

“I will,” I answer lamely—refusing to give voice to all my other questions.

“When you get back, we need to… Shit, honey. Hold on a second. My beeper is going off.”

“Okay.” I’m instantly worried. Luka might only be the sheriff in a small town, but that can still be dangerous, and having his beeper go off this close to midnight is never a good thing. I wait in silence for him to come back to the phone, and I wonder exactly what he started to say. Is he tired of keeping our relationship quiet, too? Is he ready to risk more?

“I’m sorry, honey. I have to go.”

“What’s going on?”

“Shots fired out on Paradise Road. Tani sent Ronald out, but he’s not checked in.”

“Shit. Luka, I don’t…”

“I’m taking backup with me, honey. Don’t worry.”

“What about River? Do you need me to get one of—”

“Nah, honey. I’ll call Mom. She can be here in five minutes. I’ve got this. Honest.”

“Will you be careful, please?”

“I’m always careful, Lo’,” he answers, and I can hear him rummaging around in the background, already getting dressed.

“Be extra careful. I couldn’t handle it if anything happened to you, Luka.”

“I’ll be careful, I promise. Though I have to admit, I like having you worry about me again,” he adds quietly.

“I’ve never stopped worrying about you, Luka.”

“That sounds serious.”

“I care about you. I always have,” I tell him, tapping down my nerves.

“Care? Could there be more than just ‘care’ involved here, Petal? Because care doesn’t come close to summing up how I feel about you,” Luka says, and heat rushes through me like the force of a knife in my stomach. Could he be saying what I think he is?

I could play it cool here. That might be the wiser choice. I’ve made so many mistakes with Luka, and somehow I think playing it safe would be another one. I’m tired of games. What does it matter if I give him the words? Nothing is going to change. If I lose him now with or without the words, I will still be devastated.

“I love you, Luka,” I tell him, the words rushing out in a panic before I lose my nerve.

“Jesus Christ, woman, you have bad timing,” he growls.

There’s a moment of disappointment that he didn’t give the words back. Still, I’m a big girl. If he doesn’t feel the same, it is better to know now.

I just need to convince myself of that before I cry.

“I’m sorry. I mean, you don’t have to say anything. Nothing has to change. I mean, it doesn’t have to mean anything even. I probably—”

“It means everything, Lo’. I’ve needed those words from you for years. It’s just now that you’ve given them to me, I can’t touch you, and I have to go.”

That’s not an “I love you” in return, but there’s emotion there. He wants me to love him. That has to mean something.

Doesn’t it?

“Okay, then. We’ll talk when you get back, yeah?” Luka asks, and I fight through all the emotions I’m feeling to answer him.

“Sounds good.”

“Shit, Lo’, honey, I have to go. Someone is knocking on the door.”

“Who would be knocking this late?”

“It’s probably Mom. I sent her a text when Tani called. I’ll check in with you tomorrow. Okay, sweetheart?”

“Promise you will be careful.”

“You can count on it. Especially now,” he adds.

He hangs up with those words, and I’m left lying here in the dark wishing he could have said he loves me, too.

26

LUKA

“What do you mean she agreed to everything?” I growl.

I demanded things I never should have, hoping like hell Petal would fight the divorce. There’s no way she should have agreed to any of it. In the deal my lawyer just gave me, I keep possession of the house, my retirement account, the furniture, our personal savings account, and both vehicles. All of it. In addition, I will keep River one week, and she will keep him the next. It’s shared custody in the most basic sense. She literally walks away from our marriage with nothing. Who would agree to that?

But the part I truly don’t understand is that I made the demand that she keep my last name. It’s a ridiculous request, and probably one of the first times it’s ever been asked. I’ve basically demanded something she should get pissed I even bring up. It’s also against one of the main requests she had. Initially, she asked the court to restore her maiden name. I thought for sure she would fight me on some of these—if not all. Does she want rid of me so much that she’s willing to give me everything?

“Just what I said: she gave into every demand without a word.”

“I won’t agree to it!” I growl, throwing the papers across the conference table.

“Luka, you’re the one who made the demands,” he points out.

I’d like to introduce my fist to his face. “I know that, Tom! But, I only did it to delay the divorce. If she fights things, then there’s still time.”

“Time for what? She filed for divorce, Luka. She moved out. She’s given in to ridiculous demands—all to go through with the divorce quickly. Through it all, she’s only asked for one thing. I know you’re trying to hold onto the marriage, but I’ve got to tell you, buddy: she’s going to get her divorce, and you’d be insane not to take this offer and run away with it.”

“Wait. What did she ask for?”

“What?”

“You said she asked for one thing. What was it?”

“She demands that your father only have supervised visitation with your son. She requests that you or your mother always be present during his visits.”

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me!”

“Afraid not, and I know that’s not going to make you happy, but…”

“But what? That’s insane!”

“If I were you, I’d agree to it. I know your father is pretty powerful here in town, but you’re getting everything here, and let’s face it, Luka...”

“Tom—”

“Your father wants nothing to do with River. You’ve said that yourself time and time again. Take the deal and run, buddy.”

Over the last few months Petal has become more and more insistent about keeping River away from my father. I’ve tried to work it out and talk about it. I know there is so much animosity between the two of them that Dad hasn’t bothered to hide it—even in front of River. I thought that was all that was involved.

Yet, I’ve also seen my father changing lately. His ambition is taking over everything he does. He became unhinged after losing his bid for Congress. He blames Petal because I didn’t go into the FBI. Somehow in his brain, having a son in the FBI meant he would get elected easily.

I’m tired of getting caught in between both of them, but I never thought, even with everything going on it would end in a divorce. I love Petal.

“I don’t want a divorce, Tom.”

“You’re going to get one, buddy.”

Fuck.

Present:

“Just a minute!” I yell out, securing my gun and holster as I walk toward the door. I open it, not really looking at who is standing there and assuming it’s my mother. That’s my first mistake, apparently.

“We need to talk,” my father says, and I immediately jerk my head around to look at him.

I don’t feel much for my father. Our relationship has always been a little strained, but after Petal, it just got worse. When I look at him now, it is with surprise, but also disbelief. His suit is disheveled to say the least. There’s a red stain on his white shirt. I venture to say it’s lipstick. It looks as if he hasn’t shaved in a couple days, at least. I can’t smell the alcohol, but I have to wonder if he’s been drinking. Shit! This is the last thing I need tonight.

“What are you doing here?” I growl, rubbing the back of my neck in frustration.

“I’m here to see you,” my father answers, pushing his way inside.

“Dad, I’m in a hurry here.”

“Where are you going? To meet that little cunt again? Jesus, have I taught you nothing, Luka boy?”

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“You know what I’m talking about. You’ve been using that Lucas pussy to wet your dick again.”

I don’t think; I just punch him on instinct. He goes down instantly, staggering against the sofa.

“You don’t talk about Petal like that, you sorry son of a bitch!” I warn him.

He stays where he’s at, rubbing the side of his face. I feel a little bit of vindication when I see his bottom lip is split and I can see blood.

“Is this what we’ve come to? You’re picking that—?”

“I’m not warning you again,” I growl, stopping him before he calls Petal anything else. He shouldn’t even be able to say her name.

“You’re picking her over your family again. Wasn’t it enough that she ruined your life?”

“She didn’t ruin my life. You never understood that. It didn’t matter how much I told you, you never listened. Petal made life better.”

“She destroyed everything!” he growls.

“How can you say that? You son of a bitch! She’s never done anything to you. She tried like hell to fit in our family, but you never let her.”

“She’s a lying bitch! She trapped you in that marriage!”

“She gave me a son I love!”

“She destroyed all your plans! Because of her—”

“Because of her, I’m happy!”

“Bullshit. You’re just thinking with your dick.”

“I don’t have time for this right now. I’ve got a call I have to go out on. You need to leave.”

“Not until we talk—”

“We have nothing to say to each other. You would think you’d at least try to get along with the woman who gave you your only grandchild.”

“I don’t even know if he’s your kid.”

“Daddy? What’s going on?” River asks from the door.

Fuck. That’s just what I need.

“Nothing, son. Go back to bed. Daddy will be there in a minute,” I tell him, doing my best to keep the anger out of my voice. I’ve got my fists clenched in anger to keep from tearing my father apart.

“What’s Papaw Parish mean when he says I’m not your kid? You’re my dad.” River’s face is full of worry and confusion as he confirms my worst fears in that he heard my father.

“Papaw is just kidding, River,” I try again.

My father snorts in disbelief. If I can get River back to his room, I’m going to kill my father.

“It’s not funny,” he says, rubbing his eyes. I can see the tears even from here.

“No. It sure as hell is not. Come here, sport.” I kneel down so I’m more on his level. He comes running to me and wraps his little arms around me. I stand up with River hanging on to me. “You need to leave,” I warn the man who might have fathered me, but is someone I don’t even recognize these days. Maybe I never knew him.

“This isn’t over,” he growls.

“Damn straight,” I agree because I’m going to make sure he never talks about Petal like this again. He walks out, leaving the door open as he goes. I watch him walk away, and I’ve got a bad feeling about what just went on. I need to talk to Petal. We need to be prepared. I don’t know what my father can do, but I know him well enough to understand he’s going to try and cause trouble between me and Petal any way he can.

“Papaw is mad,” River says.

I hug him a little tighter, watching as my father squeals his tires pulling out of the driveway. “Yeah, son. I guess he is,” I answer. “I guess he is.”

27

PETAL

Present:

“Ms. Parish, we need you to come to the school,” Ms. Selfmore’s voice drones on my phone while I’m driving.

“Is something wrong?” I ask, but I already know that. Ms. Selfmore never calls unless something is wrong—and that usually means River has gotten into trouble at school.

“It’s not something I wish to discuss over the phone. I will expect you here at two, which is our usual dismissal time, as you well know,” she says in that condescending tone she always uses.

That right there is just one of the reasons that I can’t stand the woman. It’s her tone, the things she implies, and how she never lets anything go. I was late to pick River up one time. Just once! I had a flat and was thirty minutes late. You would have thought I was more like a week late from the way she carried on. I want to put him in a private school, but honestly I haven’t been able to afford it. Still, the help and understanding he is getting with his ADHD has been ridiculous. They’re doing nothing to help him. Actually, I think there are times that they make him feel worse, maybe even single him out. I hope that’s not the case right now, but I have a bad feeling.

“I’ve been out of town, but I’m on my way back. I may be about ten minutes late,” I answer nervously, glancing down at the speedometer and pushing down a little farther on the gas.

“Ms. Parish, this is very important,” she snaps, like I’m not aware that anything to do with my child would be of the upmost importance. I really would like to claw her eyes out, throat punch her, kick her… something.

“I’m aware of that, Ms. Selfmore. I’ll be there as fast as humanly possible. My hus— River’s father will be there to pick him up. You can talk with him until I get there.”

“I’ve already spoken with Mr. Parish. He wasn’t quite helpful. I’m afraid he’s at home sick today. He has his mother picking River up and dropping him off today, because obviously, there is no one else.”

“Luka is sick?” I ask, alarmed, ignoring her barb about me not being there to take care of my child.

Luka and I didn’t talk on the phone last night like the other two nights I’ve been gone. I didn’t get in until really late, and I didn’t want to disturb him. We did text through the day, however. He never mentioned being sick.

I miss him so much so that I almost called him my husband when talking with Ms. Selfmore. Luka has never really stopped being my husband, not in my heart. Still, it’s dangerous to keep thinking along those lines. Luka has never mentioned how he truly feels about me, and as much as I want my family back, I can’t do this. I can’t go through this with our families again if he doesn’t love me.

I keep telling myself things will be different this time. That Luka and I have both changed, that we’ve grown up, that our families are less of a factor, that this time we can be stronger—I’ve said it all in my head over and over. The simple truth, however, is that I don’t want to be without Luka again. I can’t see him with another woman. I don’t want to lose him. I love him.

I love him more today than before.

“Ms. Parish? Did you hear me?” she asks, her voice filled with annoyance.

I didn’t. I completely spaced out, but I doubt she had anything of importance to say.

“I’ll be there when River gets out of class,” I answer, and this time I don’t bother to be professional and let my annoyance bleed through my voice.

I also don’t offer a goodbye; I merely hang up the telephone. Then without taking a break, I use my phone’s voice option and tell it to call Luka. The last thing I need to do is get in a wreck trying to dial the dang phone.

“Hello,” comes Luka’s voice, and it sounds soft and sleepy like it did over the weekend, but it’s also different.

“You’re sick,” I whisper, hating the idea of him not feeling good.

“Lo’? You on your way back home?”

“Yeah, I’m almost back. I didn’t know you were sick. You should have told me.”

“I just woke up this way. I think it’s just a stomach virus. Hopefully it will be gone in a day or two. You didn’t call me this morning.”

“I started moving early, I didn’t want to bother you,” I tell him, and I’m only partially lying. I had hoped he would call me last night. I know it was late, but I haven’t gone the entire day without talking to him since we started… whatever this is between us. I wanted to call him, but second-guessed myself and didn’t. I thought for sure he would call me this morning, and when he didn’t…

“I missed you. I would have called, but I felt like hell,” he responds, and his words make my heart swell. How can someone missing you change your entire day? I’m not sure, but it does.

“I missed you too. I wanted to, I just wasn’t sure if it was okay… I mean… Crap, Luka. I chickened out. This thing between us…”

“Is good,” he answers firmly, even if he is sick.

“Yeah, it is. I’ll stop second-guessing everything,” I tell him. I really hope I can do that.

“I need to do some of that myself. I wanted to call last night, but you had been out to dinner with your friends and coworkers. I figured you were having fun, and—”

“I really just wanted to be back in the hotel room curled up in bed and talking to you.”

“I would have rather you were curled up next to me talking to me,” he whispers.

“Me too,” I answer, but Luka starts coughing, and I cringe at how miserable he sounds.

“I’m making you talk too much. I’ll swing by and check on you after I go talk to Ms. Selfmore.”

“The old bat called you?”

“Unfortunately.” I laugh. “You can let your mom know I’ll be picking River up.”

I’d call her myself, but we don’t really talk. I don’t have anything for or against her, not really. She’s been decent enough to me—in that she mostly ignores I exist. She’s good to River, so I try not to hold it against her that she was married to Satan himself. I figure if anything I have her to thank for the good that’s inside Luka—because he sure didn’t get it from his father.

“I’m sorry,” he says, sounding miserable.

“Just rest. I’ll take care of it. If you want, River and I could come by and… No… you should probably sleep and—”

“God, Lo’. Please come by. I miss you,” he says, and if it was possible, I think I could fly in that moment.

“See you soon,” I tell him, smiling into the phone. I might also speed up even more. If I get a ticket, at least there’s a good reason.

“See you soon, honey.”

I hang up smiling.

28

PETAL

“You need to leave.”

“Isn’t that rich, coming from you?” Luka’s dad sneers. “This is my son’s home. I have more than enough right to visit. You are the trespasser here, Petal Lucas. You always were.”

“Luka said I could come by and get my things today. I’ll be gone soon,” I assure him, but I keep the chain attached on the door, not opening it up for him. I don’t want him anywhere near me.

“I know. He told me. You can’t imagine how thankful we all are to finally see you go.”

“I never did anything to you, Mr. Parish. I never have.” I’m tired of trying to defend myself. He doesn’t deserve it. He’s the monster here. I may not know everything, but I know more than enough.

“You are just like your mother. You tried to sink your claws into my boy, just like she tried with me. It didn’t work for her, though, and despite River’s existence, it won’t work for you, either. It took time for my son to wise up, but he has. You won’t get another chance.”

“My mother should have pressed charges against you!”

“Charges? What tales has that bitch been telling you? It’s all lies, and if you start spreading them, I’ll make sure you regret it! She was a whore, spreading her legs for every man who looked her way.”

“She didn’t for you. Not willingly!” I hiss at him.

He makes me sick. I’m used to the way people talk about my mother. My brothers and sisters and I have had to get used to that. Whatever mom’s faults were or are, she’s always been an amazing mother, and she has always put her children first. Still, maybe I shouldn’t have accused him like this. I don’t know completely if he raped my mother, but after some of the things he’s said and after seeing the way he treats me, I would be stupid not to suspect it. If you add in how unreasonable Mom is when it comes to Luka…

“You cunt!” he growls, and his hand comes through the small crack between the doorframe and the door before I even think or get the chance to slam it in his face. “Your mother lied. She wanted what I gave her, and I’ve seen the way you look at me, too. You’re a gold-digging whore just like your mother. If you thought you could make time with me behind my son’s back, you would. It’s all about the money,” he adds. He can’t get his hand in enough to choke me, which I think is what he really wants. Instead, he wraps his fingers in my hair and yanks it to bring my face closer. I resist and pull away. His hand remains, only it’s covered in a small bunch of hair he just tore from my scalp. Tears sting my eyes, but I do my best to hold them back. I don’t want to give him the satisfaction.

“Not if I were dying and my life depended on it,” I declare proudly. He pulls his hand back. I think he’s about to slam both his hands into the door to break the small sliding chain. Before he gets the chance, I spit on him. “Get the hell away from here, or I’ll call the law to deal with you, and I bet that wouldn’t go over well for the next election!” I warn him before slamming the door.

He starts cursing. I hear him just as the door slams closed. I quickly turn the lock and then rest with my back against it, preparing for him to try and break it.

He slams on the door. I close my eyes as disgust, fear, and this sick feeling in my stomach all wash over me. There was a part of me hoping he could tell me I’m wrong, deny it, or make me believe he didn’t rape my mother. Instead, he’s just made me more certain.

“I am the fucking law in this town! You crawl back to that whore you call a mother and you stay away from me and my family! Do you hear me? You ever try to sink your hooks back into my son, and I will finish all of you!” he threatens.

After a few minutes, he gives up. Now, if I could just stop crying.

Present:

“What are you doing here?” I ask, my anger still close to the surface after dealing with Ms. Selfmore. The woman is just a bitch. There’s no other way to put it. Her very important issue with River was that he didn’t have his homework to turn in today, which admittedly is bad, but I still can’t believe it’s something the principal needs to involve herself with. When I asked how many other kids had she gotten involved with over lost homework, she gave me a song and a dance about how River was a repeat offender and a constant issue—which is not true. He’s had issues with his attention span, but he’s a good child. I just think that she doesn’t like me, and that’s bleeding over through her job.

I didn’t leave things on good terms with her when I left the meeting. I still haven’t made up my mind on if I want to take River out of school or talk to the County Superintendent. I want to talk to my sister about things. She knows the education system best. Maybe she can give me direction. Still, I have all of this running through my head. River is clearly upset, and I want to check on Luka. The last thing I need is to run into Luka’s father. I never want to on a normal day. The fact that I’m running into him at River’s school is even more worrisome. He has no business being anywhere near River.

“I was told that my grandchild caused trouble today at school. I thought I’d come down here and see what’s going on for myself.”

I lean down and pull River’s face close to mine, doing my best to keep the tension out of my voice. River doesn’t need that. He feeds from my tension and negative emotions. They make him nervous.

“River, I’m going to talk to your grandfather for a minute. Why don’t you go over there where the snack machines are and find something to eat? I’ll be right there,” I assure him, giving him a dollar.

“Can I have a cookie?” he asks slyly.

“If you have a cookie, you can’t have any of my fried chicken I’m making for dinner,” I warn him, knowing that chicken is his favorite.

“Man! Okay, fine. I won’t have a cookie!” he all but yells as he speeds off to the vending machines. I watch him go, take a deep breath, and then stand back up to look at the man who tends to terrorize my worst nightmares—for many reasons.

“No one should have contacted you. You have nothing to do with River. You and I have an understanding,” I whisper, keeping my voice down so that we’re not overheard.

“I warned you once before. My reach is all over this town. You should have never crossed me.”

“Luka and I are divorced. What more could you possibly want? I stayed away from him so he could do whatever he wanted in life.”

“It’s your fault he stayed around this small town. Yours and that child you try to pawn off as his.”

“Luka was free to take the training at Quantico. He was free to do whatever he wanted. I never stood in his way. And despite what you think, River is Luka’s! Nothing you can say or do will ever change that!”

“He didn’t want to leave his son. You see, Petal, unlike your mother, I raised my child to stand up to his responsibilities. He just never had the brains to see he should have never fooled around with trash. I had that flaw, too, but at least I had the good sense to scrape her off my shoe before—”

I slap him. I don’t plan it. It just happens. I do it without thought. He holds the side of his face and appraises me. There’s pure hate in his eyes, but also something else. I think maybe it’s interest, and that causes fear and revulsion to coil inside of me.

“You need to leave me alone. You got what you wanted. Luka and I are divorced, and we have been for a while,” I tell him, my voice sounding slightly unsteady. I don’t look at him—I don’t have the strength. I go to walk away, to get to my son and get out of here. He grabs my upper arm, stopping me and inflicting enough pain on his hold that I’m rooted in place.

“You have more courage than your mother. Maybe I should give you a whirl. Maybe then I would see what has my son all tied up in knots.”

“I would die first,” I snarl, keeping my voice as hushed as I can.

“That could be arranged, too,” he says calmly. Too calmly. He lets go of my arm, practically pushing me away. I stumble, but recover quickly. “Keep away from my son, Petal Lucas.”

“Is there a problem here?” This comes from Daniel, one of Luka’s deputies.

Mr. Parish looks over at Daniel, and instantly all the visible ugliness he wore and the hate he was showing me wipes from his face. He even laughs. The change is both miraculous and terrifying at once.

“No problem, Daniel. Petal and I were just discussing how best to discipline River for getting in trouble at school today,” he explains, the sound of his fake laugh still lying heavily in the air.

“Is there a problem, Petal?” Daniel asks, concern etched on his face.

I look back at Luka’s father, wondering how someone that evil could ever be Luka’s father. It seems impossible that his blood could flow through Luka’s veins.

“No problem, Daniel. I was just explaining to Mr. Parish that how I choose to discipline my son only concerns me, River, and Luka. I think we’ve said all we need to say to each other, wouldn’t you agree, Mr. Parish?”

“For now.”

“I’d say forever,” I counter. “Thanks, Daniel,” I tell him with a weak smile. I take maybe three steps when I hear Luka’s father give one last warning. I guess he decided to ignore the fact that Daniel is standing there. Maybe he thinks he can buy him off—and maybe he can. I don’t know, and I’m too tired to care at this point.

“Ms. Lucas. Stay away from my son.”

I look over my shoulder toward him. “My name is Parish, too. You keep forgetting that.”

I walk away. There’s more that I want to say, but you should never poke a bear with a stick. I smile, because I’m pretty sure Mom would push the stick up this particular bear’s ass if she could.

I’m going to have to talk to Luka and my mother both soon. Neither of those conversations are going to be fun. I bend down at the vending machines and hug River close for a minute, just absorbing the feel of his arms around me and that sweet scent that is my son that never goes away—even if it’s covered in mud and whatever animal he manages to find to play with. Yesterday, it was a frog.

“You okay, Mom?”

“Yep. What do you say we go to the store and I pick up stuff to make fried chicken for dinner, and then we go visit your Dad?”

“Yes! And we can watch movies, too! Just the three of us!”

“Just the three of us,” I agree.

“This is the best day ever!” he proclaims excitedly.

I laugh. It does seem like a good day, even after having to deal with Luka’s dad.

29

LUKA

Present:

“You didn’t have to do this,” I tell Petal again.

We’re snuggled on the couch, River between us, watching one of River’s favorite movies about a boy with a pet dragon. Petal showed up with River in tow and a bag full of groceries. While I was on the couch with River watching TV, she made supper. She fixed River’s favorite fried chicken with mashed potatoes and gravy. I would have been fine eating that, since I’ve missed Petal’s cooking, but she insisted I had to eat soup and crackers. I didn’t argue because my stomach did feel like the ninth level of hell. Still, I made her store the chicken in the fridge. You better believe as soon as I’m able, I’ll be eating that.

“I’m enjoying it,” she murmurs, kissing the top of River’s head and running her fingers through his blond tresses. “It’s really nice.” That seems like the understatement of the century to me; it’s more than nice. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m okay honey,” I answer. I feel like crap, truthfully, and yet I still have never been happier.

“I’m sorry, Daddy,” River says, leaning against Petal, his big blue eyes—so much like his mother’s—filled with the need to sleep.

“It’s okay, little man, but we do need to talk.”

“Daddy’s mad like Grandfadder.”

“I’m not mad,” I answer with a sigh, hating that my father has to be such a miserable human that my son will never know what it means to have that figure in his life. He’s got Jansen and he’s a good man. Ida Sue would never believe me, but I’m glad they both are part of my son’s world.

“Your grandfather wasn’t mad either, little man,” Petal adds in. “He’s just…” She seems unable to find the right word. I’d like to say he’s just an asshole, but we try not to use words River will repeat way too easily.

“Grumpy?” I add helpfully.

“You can say that again,” she agrees with a laugh.

“We need to talk about you not getting your homework done,” I tell River, directing the conversation back to him. I’m pretty sure he knows what’s coming next though, because he throws me a curve—one that I didn’t see coming.

“I was bad. Will Mommy slap me like she did Grandfadder?”

“Crap,” Petal murmurs.

“You what?” The words come out as a snarl. I know Petal thinks I’m upset with her because I see the way her face drains of color. That’s not it—not even close. I saw the shape my father was in the other night.

“Can we talk about it later? After we talk with River and get him to bed?”

“You slapped him, Petal. I need to know what he said to you,” I insist.

“And I will tell you… later,” she says, and something about the way she says it makes me think I might not want to hear.

“You will tell me,” I insist like a dog with a bone.

“I said I would, Luka.”

“Mommy and Daddy fighting?” River interjects.

“No, honey. We’re not. I promise. Now let’s talk about homework,” Petal says, changing the subject.

“Uh-oh…” River mumbles, and I almost want to laugh at the look on his face. I turn my attention back to my son, but I’ll find out just what kind of poison my father is trying to spread soon. I can’t let anyone ruin this chance with Petal. If tonight has shown me anything, it’s that my world revolves around my wife and my son.

I’m not giving this up. Not again.

30

PETAL

“This is beautiful, Luka,” I whisper, looking around in awe. When he showed up at my mom’s this morning, I wasn’t sure what to expect. He even asked to let my mom babysit. She’s still not what one could say her “old self” around him, but she’s making an effort to be nicer… or at least civil. Maybe she feels since we’re getting divorced that she won. Maybe she is starting to see that Luka is nothing like his father.

After we left River, we drove for an hour with very little talking between us. He begged me to spend the day with him, and because I’m weak where Luka is concerned, I agreed. Now we’re standing in front of a beach along the Texas coastline. Luka comes up behind me and wraps his arms around me, bending so that he can burrow his lips against my neck and kiss me. I close my eyes and drink it in.

I thought our marriage was over…

“It’s nowhere near as beautiful as you are,” he murmurs against my neck.

“Luka… what’s going on? What is this all about? We’re supposed to be getting divorced next week. I’ve moved out…”

“I don’t want a divorce, Lo’. I don’t want any of that. I want my family back. There’s still reason to fight for our marriage—to fight for us.”

“River will be—”

“I’m not talking about River, Petal. I love our son, I do. But I love his mother. This is about you and me. There’s still something between us. That same thing that pulled us together to begin with. We’re magic together, Petal. You don’t just turn your back on that,” he says urgently, and he turns me around to face him.

I see so much in his face. A face I love with all my heart. I want to believe him, but I can’t be the naïve child I was coming into this marriage—not anymore. I have River and his welfare to think of. I have to protect my son.

“We are. But we are surrounded by so much toxic—”

“They don’t matter, Lo’. This is about you, me, and River. We’re the ones who matter.”

“The world doesn’t work that way, Luka. If I agree to this—and you know I want to, you even know I love you—what else changes?”

“What do you mean?”

“Are you willing to move? To start over somewhere else, away from Mason and—”

“My parents? That’s what this is about, isn’t it, Petal? You hate my parents.”

“They hate me, Luka. This can’t work as long as your father continues to direct his hate at me.”

“What about the hate your mother turns my way? I put up with it, Petal. For you, I put up with it. Why can’t you?”

“My mother can’t hold a candle to your family, Luka. Besides, she’s really trying. She has been since River was born.”

“Trust me, Petal. She might have calmed down, but she’s not going out of her way to make me feel part of the family.”

“I think you’re wrong, but if we move…”

“What about my job here? My career? I’m not going to get that anywhere else, Petal. You expect me to turn my back on that?”

“You don’t know if you will or not if you don’t try. It could happen…”

“Same old Petal. You’re seeing all of this from what you want and need. You’re not taking anything else into consideration.”

“If you believe that, then you don’t really know me at all,” I say, my heart feeling broken. Why can’t he understand that moving is not what I want either? I love my brothers and sisters. I love my mom. Moving isn’t an easy solution for me, but I’d be willing to do it… for Luka.

“We can make this work, Petal. I know we can. We can make it work in Mason.”

“Move with me, Luka.”

“Petal…” he starts, but I see the answer in his face. I see it, and it’s a white flag waving in front of my face. It’s time to give in. Time to walk away.

It’s over…

Present:

“Spill,” Luka tells me.

We talked to River about his homework. It was really our fault. We had been sitting down with him and going through his assignments in class. With my trip and Luka working more hours after one of his deputies quit… things just got away from us. We have to work harder to keep that from happening. River has to be our number one priority.

We worked together to get River to sleep, and I’ve somehow managed to dodge Luka’s looks or whispered questions up until this point. I look at the clock on the wall. It’s 9:30 at night. I know we’ve been sleeping and spending every moment we can together, but I don’t want to take it for granted that he’s okay with me staying late—or all night. I used to worry about getting found out myself, but the closer I get with Luka, the less I care. I faced his father today and survived. It may have just been a year, but it’s a year in my life that I’ve grown wiser and stronger being on my own. I won’t let him—or my mother—intimidate me anymore. Mom may have good reason for her hate toward the Parish family, but Luka is not his father. He’s not even close. Somehow, I have to make her understand that.

“It’s getting late, Luka…” I start, trying to warn him, but I don’t get the chance to elaborate before Luka walks over, pulls me close into his arms, and looks down at me sternly.

“Tell me what happened, Petal.”

I sigh, realizing I’m not going to get out of this.

“It’s nothing, Luka. The same old crap your father always pulls on me. ‘Stay away from my son, you ruined his life.’ Same old story, different day.” I shrug it off.

I’ve purposely kept Luka in the dark about what I suspected—and confirmed—about his father and my mother. I’d like to say it’s because I don’t want to hurt Luka by telling him how truly awful his father is. That’s not it, however. It has more to do with the fact that I’m afraid to know how he would react. Would he believe me? Would this ruin all chances we have of making this thing between us last? Would Luka say something about my mother that I could never forgive? I have so many questions and fears when it comes to it all, it has just been easier to remain silent. That’s going to have to change if Luka and I are going to try and make this last long term. I know it, but it doesn’t mean I’m not dreading it. Nor does it mean that I’m ready to face it all right now. I’m not. I need a little more of the happy we have right now between us. I want more time with Luka just in case it doesn’t last.

“Where did you see him?” Luka asks, and the anger on his face is visible. So much for having a nice relaxing night and trying to make him feel better. It’s things like this that always made me feel defeated.

“He was at River’s school,” I tell him, flopping down on the couch in disgust. Talking about Luka’s father is draining.

“What on Earth for?”

“Someone called him to tell him that River was called into the principal’s office.”

“Why would they do that? My father barely sees River. Besides, what happens with our son should not involve anyone else but us.”

“I said something similar,” I mutter as Luka sits down beside me.

“What did he tell you?”

“He reminded me of who he is, his power and his connections. Do we really have to talk about this right now? Wouldn’t you rather see me naked or something?”

“We can talk about it while you’re naked—but we are still going to talk.”

“You’re killing the mood,” I grumble. “There’s nothing to discuss. Your father is an asshole. He always has been, and I’m pretty sure he always will be.”

“It must have been pretty bad for River to see you slap him,” Luka answers, his voice full of concern.

“I’m sorry about that, Luka,” I answer regretfully. That sick feeling in my stomach I used to get in the past lodges in my throat—making me second-guess everything.

“Petal—”

“I know you hate when your father and I… Crap! Luka, I swear, I didn’t mean for River to see anything. I sent him to the vending machines for a snack until I could get away…”

“Whoa, slow down. I wasn’t blaming you, honey. I want us to talk about what happened, that’s all.”

“That’s different,” I whisper.

“Different?”

“Talking about things. Before, it was always a fight, and it was me you usually were disappointed in.”

“We got started off all wrong, Lo’. If I could go back and change things, I would,” Luka insists, his voice oozing with regret.

“That’s my fault. I should have never lied to you,” I confess. Out of everything, that’s the one thing I feel guilty about—the one thing that I always wish I could go back and change.

“You shouldn’t have, but I helped make it easier by keeping our relationship a secret.”

“I asked you to do that, too. I didn’t think I was, Luka, but the older I get, the more I see how stupid I was at sixteen. Heck, I didn’t get much smarter at seventeen.”

“If you were stupid, then so was I, Lo’. I should have agreed to move. I could have stopped the divorce. I stubbornly wanted to be enough…”

“You were. It’s just…”

“Why do I feel like there are things you’re not telling me, Lo’?”

I swallow down words that want to bubble out. I swallow down the guilt of keeping my secrets.

Still, what if I tell Luka what I suspect about his father? What if I tell him exactly what the man has been saying to me? Luka never believed me in the past, and I truly did try to tell him. What if this new Luka, the one I’m starting to love even more than the old one, still refuses to believe me when it comes to his dad’s hate toward me and my family?

Will it kill all of the hope I have inside where Luka is concerned? Am I being stupid in even hoping we have a future? Was all of this a big mistake?

“Petal?” I hear Luka ask, then his voice drops down. “Lo’, talk to me.” My gaze—which I am sure is full of panic—centers on him. “Talk to me. Let’s do it right this time. We can’t change the past, honey, though we can learn from it. I know you have no reason to believe me, but I’m here, and I’m in this thing one hundred and ten percent. Trust me. Talk to me.”

His hand curves into the side of my neck as he pleads with me. I swallow down the fear.

Can I do this?

31

LUKA

“We need to talk.”

I stare at my door, unable to process what I’m seeing.

“The mother-in-law from hell. What the fuck are you doing here? Haven’t you done enough damage?” I’m drunk. I’ve been drunk for three days. If my mind doesn’t change, I’m going to be drunk the rest of the week—maybe longer. I got my divorce papers in the mail, and I’m celebrating with a bottle of Jim Beam. It seemed appropriate. Doesn’t everyone celebrate like that when they lose everyone they love?

“Petal has been crying for three days.”

“I don’t know why. She got exactly what she wanted,” I growl. “She’s a single woman now. It’s like we were never together. You should be out celebrating, too. Here, let me pour you a glass,” I tell her, holding up the bottle. Then I notice there’s only one drink left in it. It sure isn’t going to that bitch. “Never mind, there’s none left,” I tell her before downing the last of it.

“Do you really think staying drunk is the best way to fix this shit storm?” she mutters, her nose scrunching on her face as she looks at me.

“The best way to fix this mess would have been to kill you. You destroyed everything,” I mumble, the room starting to move without me. I need to sit down before I fall down.

“That would be how you see things.”

“That’s not how I see them, lady, that’s how they are! You sabotaged my marriage from the very beginning,” I yell, falling back on the couch and suddenly feeling sick to my stomach. That’s Ida Sue’s fault, too. She’s probably poisoning my air.

“You don’t think the fact you were messing around with my underage daughter gave me a right to be pissed off?”

“I didn’t know she was underage! I did everything I could to make it right! I married her!”

“That’s why you married her?”

“Yes! No! Fuck! I don’t know! I loved her, alright? I know it’s crazy, but I would have married her even if she wasn’t pregnant! Despite all the lies and shit… I loved her.”

“You ever tell her that?” Ida Sue asks, watching me way too closely. Does she see what I am now with Petal gone? A man alive, but dying inside?

“What’s the point?”

“If you don’t know the answer to that, you’re a bigger horse’s ass than I gave you credit for,” she mutters, walking off to my kitchen.

“Where are you going?” I ask, but I don’t really care. She left and that’s good enough. I lean back against the couch, my head spinning, and close my eyes. The next moment, they jerk awake with shock as cold water pours over me with the force of a hurricane. Hurricane Ida. “What the fuck did you do that for?” I growl, drenched because she poured a huge kettle of cold water over me, soaking me and my couch.

“You need to wake up. If you want my daughter, then do what you need to do to make her happy. Do it for her, yourself, but most importantly, for my grandson!”

“Fuck you. Why can’t Petal be the one to give in this time? Why must it always be me? I’m sick of being the only one who bends for this relationship, and if this is your show of motherly concern, you’re a little late.”

“I’m not your mother, Luka. I’d die before I would ever be your mother,” she answers. Her voice is quiet now, her face turning so stiff it’s almost stone. I get the feeling I missed part of this conversation, but it doesn’t matter. Nothing matters anymore.

“Get the fuck out of my house. I’m done with you, and I’m done with Petal. I’m done with it all.”

“Luka, are you alright out there?”

“Is there a woman in your fucking bedroom?” Ida Sue screams at me which pisses me off. She doesn’t have the right to know what’s going on. She never did, and Petal sure as hell doesn’t anymore. I bite down the urge to explain.

“So what if there is?” I shrug, feeling sicker and sicker by the moment, and somehow that’s Ida Sue’s fault, too.

“Then I was right all along, and your father’s blood runs too deep in your veins.”

“What the fuck does that mean?” I growl, wishing she would just leave.

“The apple doesn’t fall far from the fucking tree, and this tree is fucking riddled with worms,” she mutters, turning to the door.

“Don’t let the door hit you on the way out,” I grumble, closing my eyes again.

“Drop dead, Luka,” she growls back, jerking the door open.

“That doesn’t sound like a worthy Ida Sue comeback. You’re losing your touch!”

“You aren’t worth the effort,” she answers, slamming the door.

“What’s going on?” Mom asks, coming out of the bedroom where she’s been trying to clean it up, proclaiming that her son isn’t about to live in filth. If only she knew that I don’t even want to live. “Good lord, Luka! You’re all wet!” she exclaims.

I don’t answer. I just close my eyes and pray the world stops moving soon.

Present:

“Luka, your father hates me.” That’s never going to change.

“Do you still think the only way we can make this thing work between us is to move away from here?”

“It’d be simpler. We had so much between us when we got married, Luka. That would have been hard enough to overcome, but I think we had the past between us, too.”

“The past?” I ask, not quite understanding what Petal is saying.

“The horrible history my mother and your father have. You can’t be blind to it,” she exclaims, and I pull her into my arms, letting her head rest against my chest. I kick my legs out on the coffee table and send up a silent prayer that we can just stay like this and the outside world would just disappear. I don’t need anything other than Petal and River. I never did; I was just too stubborn to admit it.

“I’m not blind to it. I don’t know what it is, but I can admit they hate each other and that hate has managed to hurt us both. Still, that’s on them, Lo’. We can’t let their past ruin what we have—not anymore. We let that happen once. We let everything get between us, but there’s only one thing that really mattered: how we felt about each other.” I link our hands together and thread our fingers. My hand is rougher and larger than hers, but it never feels stronger than when it’s holding hers.

“Some pasts are so painful… so huge. Nothing overcomes them, Luka,” she says, and for some reason, it feels like she’s warning me. I pull her onto my lap, deciding she’s not close enough. “Luka, stop. You’re sick,” she halfheartedly argues, but once I get her settled against me, she doesn’t move.

“Holding you makes it all better.”

“Liar,” she laughs.

“Just let me hold you, Lo’. I don’t need anything else tonight. Just let me hold you.”

“All night?”

“All fucking night.”

“Your father and my mother will find out…”

“I don’t give a fuck.”

“When you hold me like this, I’m not sure I do either.”

“Then stay and let’s worry about everything else tomorrow.”

“Sounds good,” she whispers, and she raises her head to kiss under my chin. “Better than good.” For once, Petal and I are in complete agreement.

32

PETAL

Present:

I can’t lie. I feel like I’m living on borrowed time. Eventually everything is going to explode, and when it does, I’m not sure who or what will be left standing in the aftermath. I need to prepare Luka. I need to express to him exactly the hate his father keeps directing towards me, but I keep chickening out. The worst part is that I know why I’m doing it, and yet can’t store up enough courage to face it.

Luka never believed me when it came to his father—not while we were married. I have no guarantee he would listen to me now, and if he didn’t, there would be no coming back from it. So I’ve been stupid. I’m the chick sitting on a powder keg holding a match and wondering when it’s all going to blow.

It’s been a week since his father cornered me at the school. A week in which I’m practically living with Luka. My mother thinks I’m being a whore with the man Black set me up on a date with, and I’ve done nothing to make her think otherwise.

Which essentially means I’m lying to my mother.

God. You would think after all this time, I would have found a way to grow up and grow some lady-balls and just live my life. I’m disgusted with myself. I admit it. But let me tell you, there isn’t a greeting card around that says, “I’m sleeping with the offspring of the slime-secreting, fly-sucking, pond-scum-dwelling tree frog who raped you. P.S. Were you raped?” I’ve looked for a card, too, not because I thought there might actually be one, but because I was hiding out at the local Walmart card aisle to avoid talking to Luka’s mother when I saw her standing at the checkout lane. When I told Luka moving would be an easier option, I wasn’t lying.

“What are you thinking?” Luka asks, looking up from the table where he’s helping River with his homework.

“Just that our parents are going to catch on to what we’re doing soon.”

“Yeah, I think my father might have already,” Luka confesses before turning around to laugh at something River said about his writing homework.

He has no idea the cold fist that wrapped around my heart at his words. “What do you mean?”

“He’s come by the office a few times and made some snide remarks. Nothing concrete, but…” He shrugs.

“This is not good, Luka.”

“Lo’, quit worrying. There’s not a damned thing he can do about it,” Luka laughs. He laughs. I swear, for a man who is so smart, when it comes to how truly evil his father can be, Luka can be downright stupid. Maybe it’s because Luka tries to deal with people being straightforward and honest. He can’t understand how his own father can be as dark and evil as the Devil himself. “River is sleeping over at Green’s tomorrow night with Allen, right?” Luka asks, changing the subject.

As much as I worry, I let it go. I might as well be like an ostrich with its head buried in the sand and ignore all potential threats… and Luka’s father is definitely a threat.

“Yeah, it’s Allen’s birthday. Green promised him a sleepover with all his buddies… though I doubt he planned on Allen inviting fifteen boys over,” I add with a laugh.

“Jesus. I don’t even think our house could hold fifteen kids.” Luka ruffles up River’s hair.

My heart literally flips over in my chest. Does Luka even realize he called this place our house? He’s been calling me Lo’ more and more lately, whereas before, it was only during sex.

I’m noticing other things, too, and Luka probably doesn’t have any idea he’s doing them, but he is. It’s like I’m finally touching the dream I always had of the two of us being together. In the evenings when I am here and it’s just me, him, and River, we feel like a family—a family that is together and strong—and I’m right where I’m supposed to be.

I don’t want to lose it. I can’t.

“I don’t think Green realizes just how bad it’s going to be yet,” I say with a grin. “We may have to do some investigating and film it… for research purposes.”

“Research purposes?” he questions with a laugh.

“You know, in case River ever wants to have a sleepover.”

“I do!” River pipes up. Luka looks at me with terror in his eyes, and I probably shouldn’t, but I can’t help laughing.

“I’ll have to visit Mary that night,” I mumble.

“No way, woman. You will be right here where you belong,” he says, his voice quiet and whisper-soft and his dark eyes so warm, they make me melt.

I love Luka Parish… more every day.

33

PETAL

Present:

“Luka? What are you doing here?”

“You got a problem with me being here?” he asks, and a look passes over his face I don’t necessarily like. I understand why it’s there; we didn’t get to spy on Green’s party. We haven’t had many nights together at all since then. In fact, I haven’t even seen Luka in two days. It’s also kind of my fault. I couldn’t get what he said about his father out of my head, and I’ve been cautious—maybe even extra cautious.

It might be completely irrational, but Luka’s dad is like the proverbial monster under my bed, and no matter how I try to ignore it, no matter how hard I try to stand up to him, he scares me. Not because of what he can do to me, but what he can do to the people I love. He’s used that threat often enough, and I am almost positive his follow-through would be worse than the threat. I also think that Roger Parish is so evil that he wouldn’t even blink at destroying his own son if it meant getting even with people who crossed him.

“Of course not,” I answer, but I can tell from the look in Luka’s eyes that I didn’t answer quick enough. I glance around the shop. It’s empty except for one of my coworkers. We’re set to close in another hour, but having Luka here without River makes me nervous. I’ve been practically living with Luka, and now I’m scared because he’s at my shop. No wonder Luka is frustrated… and he is. I see it written all over him.

“Alright, that’s enough. Let’s go.”

“Go?” I ask, confused.

“We’re getting out of here, and we’re talking. Really talking, Petal,” he warns me.

“I’m working, Luka! I can’t just leave!” I argue.

“Sure you can. I’ll close up,” Melissa pipes up helpfully—the bitch.

“Then it’s settled. Let’s go,” Luka demands, crossing his arms against his chest, daring me to argue.

“Luka—”

Before I can continue, he steps toward me, wraps his arms around me, and throws me over his shoulder.

“There we go,” he says, taking us out of the shop.

“What are you doing? Let me down!”

“I can’t hear you,” he sings. “Later, Melissa!”

“See ya, Luka!” Melissa happily yells after us as we leave.

“I can’t believe you did that! You know how much Melissa loves to gossip. It’s going to be all over town by morning.”

“Who gives a shit?”

“Then you know what will happen—Wait. What did you just say?”

“I said: Who. Gives. A. Shit.”

“Luka! Your dad will—”

“I don’t think you understand, Petal. I don’t give a fuck,” Luka mutters. He takes me to his squad car and opens the door to the back. He stands me up, and before I can give him hell, he kisses me. It’s not a gentle kiss, either; it’s a forceful one with his tongue pushing into my mouth and laying claim to me. For a minute, I’m too stunned to react. Then, I get lost in the kiss. Our tongues war with one another, his hands moving down to my ass and pulling me close. My hands dive into his hair and my fingers curl as I give myself over to him. “That’s better,” he growls, pulling away from me. I’m still in a Luka-kissed-me-and-made-me-melt phase, so I don’t even offer up resistance when he moves my hands behind my back. I don’t come through the kiss-fog until I feel the cold metal of handcuffs encircle my wrists.

“Luka?” I ask questioningly, and I still must be in some kind of haze because I’m not really resisting even as he maneuvers me inside the car. I don’t come out of it until I hear the door slam, signaling I’m closed in… in the back of a squad car… with handcuffs on… like I’ve been arrested. “What are you doing?” I ask, and that’s when I know there’s no haze left in my mind, only anger, because I literally screech the question out.

“I’m arresting my wife,” he answers calmly as he climbs in the driver’s side and starts up the car. There’s a black metal guard between the backseat and the front. I look through it in disbelief.

“We’re not married!”

“It’s funny that out of that sentence, that’s the part you want to argue with.”

“We’re not!” I argue again, my heart beating a hundred miles per hour. In response, he turns on the radio. “Luka! You cannot arrest me!”

“But I can,” he says calmly.

“What on Earth for?”

“Alienation of affection.”

“Alienation… Will you please use English!?”

“It’s a law that enables a spouse to pursue a third party for the destruction of their marriage.”

“A third party? You’re talking insane, and I’d just like to point out yet again that we are not married!”

“Usually a marriage ends because of cheating. In this case, you’re the cause, and instead of standing by and watching you destroy everything again, I’ve decided to take action.”

“Watching me… I’m the cause… You have completely lost your marbles!”

“If I have, Lotus Petal Parish, you have driven me to it!” he growls back, showing his first real sign of emotion other than the kiss since he picked me up.

“Luka, be reasonable! You’re not making any sense here!”

“That happens when a man’s woman ignores him for days!”

“I’ve been busy!”

“Do you really expect me to believe that shit?”

“I have! You can’t get all bent out of shape just because I haven’t been around to—”

“Petal, I’m only going to warn you once to not finish that sentence,” he threatens, his voice dropping down low in a tone that would chill a smarter woman—a woman who wasn’t upset.

“You just blamed me for our marriage ending, you jackass. You are threatening to have me arrested on a stupid law—which I don’t even think applies to the state of Texas, by the way!”

“I’m the sheriff, and I say it does!”

“You’re a fucking asshole who is acting pissy because I haven’t touched his dick for two days.”

“And that’s it! I warned you!” he growls.

“Oh gee, Luka! What are you going to do to me? Have me arrested?”

He pulls his car over to the edge of road. I look outside and I can tell we’re on Hickory Road, which is an old pasture road that connects to my brother Blue’s farm. I guess I should just be thankful that it is not his father’s driveway at this point.

“You are the single most stubborn, pig-headed—”

“I couldn’t even begin to hold a candle to you!”

“You wish,” he growls, getting out of the car. He walks over to my door and opens it. He looks down at me with so much anger on his face that I’m not sure what to do—so I do nothing. It seems the wisest thing to do right now. “You and I are going to have a come-to-Jesus moment, Lotus Petal!”

“Stop calling me that! And stop sounding like my mother!”

“Then stop acting like a spoiled brat! Fuck! Why does it always feel like I’m the only one fighting to save this marriage?”

“We’re not married! I’ve been busy, Luka! That’s all! I don’t know why we’re fighting!”

“Stop lying! Something has freaked you out and you’ve been avoiding me! We’ve come too far to turn back now, Petal. I’m warning you, if you do this, there will be no more chances. It will finally be over. I don’t have the energy to go through it again. Is that what you want?”

His words sober me like nothing else could. In this moment, I can clearly see two paths, and both of them terrify me.

34

LUKA

Present:

“Well?” I prod, demanding Petal answer me. I’m at the end of my rope. This woman has me going in circles, and I can’t take it anymore. I refuse to let her withdraw again. She’ll either fight and hold on or it’s done.

Enough is enough.

“Okay, fine. I have been avoiding you,” she whispers.

You would think her answer would make me feel better, but instead, it does the opposite.

“What the fuck for?” I growl, shoving my hand in my hair to keep from reaching out and wringing her neck.

“People are going to find out!”

“You have to be fucking kidding me right now. Christ, Petal, we’re not kids here, not anymore. We’ve got a son together. I doubt people will bat an eye over the fact that we’re back together.”

“People might not, but our parents…”

“Do not tell me this is all because you’re afraid of the hissy fit your mother is going to throw. Jesus, woman, every time I think we’ve made progress, you turn around and make me feel like I’m hitting my head against a brick wall again.”

“You always do this. You know what, Luka? It might surprise you, but my mother is the last person I’m worried about. She’s got her issues when it comes to you, but she loves me, and she would work through them—and trust me when I tell you that it wouldn’t be easy for her, and I don’t judge her for it. I’m not even sure how I would be able to deal with it all if our roles were reversed.”

“What the hell are you talking about now?” I growl.

“Never mind,” she says, disgusted.

“No. Hell no. You are not doing that. We’re going to have this out once and for all. Before the night is over, we’re going to make sure there’s not one secret between us, Petal!”

“Be careful what you ask for, Luka!”

“If you don’t start making sense—”

“Your father is an asshole!” she screams, her face red, her hair coming loose from the clasp she has it in and strands falling in her face. She looks beautiful. Beautiful and infuriating.

“Honey, that’s not exactly a secret.”

“He’s evil, Luka. You never believed me when we were together, but he’s dangerously evil,” she whispers, and for the first time, I notice the true fear on her face. Did she have that in the past when she talked about my father? Was I so blind that I didn’t see it?

I bend down, using my body to slide her over in the seat, and I sit down beside her. I pull her up onto my lap, and she rests each of her knees at my hips, her head down. It’s getting dark outside and her face is shadowed, but the fear on it still breaks my heart. God. I was so wrapped up in the betrayal I felt at Petal’s lies, so wrapped up in my own frustration, that I somehow missed the hell she was in. It’s all here on her face right now, though.

“Are you truly this scared of my father?” I ask, still not understanding it. He’s a fucking jerk. I admit it. He’s a toxic person. So toxic that I didn’t really understand it until I was divorced and realized how he added fuel to my anger towards Petal. Yet how could I have missed the fear which is coming off of Petal in waves right now?

“He despises me and my family, Luka. I thought after all this time he would have tired of his threats… that now there would be no reason for him to continue, but…”

“Whoa, slow down, honey. What threats?”

“I told you he’s always demanded I leave you alone, accused me of being the reason you never achieved your dreams.”

“You said he blamed you for me not going to the FBI. You did not tell me that he has threatened you, Lo’.”

“Well not me… directly, but…”

“But he did threaten you? Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” I ask her, and then grimace at the accusation in my voice, especially when I see Petal jerk her head as if I physically hit her.

“He warned me if I didn’t walk away—that if I continued to ruin your life—he’d make sure my family … paid the price.”

“What the fuck, Lo’? You didn’t think I needed to know that?”

“Luka, every time we did much more than talk about your father, you’d get upset. You thought I was being petty and keeping the animosity going.”

“Maybe that would have changed if you had told me—”

“Quite honestly, Luka, whether deserved or not, you didn’t really believe me when I said things about your father.”

I want to deny her accusation, but if I look back on our early days together, I can’t. I did hold a grudge against Petal back then. I was so upset with her, I let my anger blind me, and I can look back and see how my father helped feed that anger. I can’t even lay that at my father’s feet, though. It’s on me. Petal may have made some huge mistakes, but I’m just as guilty in my way for adding to our problems.

“I fucked up back then, didn’t I, Lo’?” I sigh out, feeling much older than my years. I pinch the bridge of my nose, wishing I could go back and just fix everything from the very beginning.

“We both did, Luka,” she whispers.

“If I could go back, I would,” I tell her, kissing the top of her shoulder.

“If I could go back, I’d do it all again. We may have sucked at being married, but when it was good…”

“It was everything,” I finish for her. There’s no other way to describe it. This woman is part of my soul. From the moment we first started talking, it felt as if she was the reason my heart was beating. Her smiles, her laughter, her touch… I lived for each of them.

“It was,” she says simply, and there’s a tear sliding out of the corner of her eye. I reach up and wipe it away. Petal and I have had enough tears. It’s time we move forward—together.

“I’ll handle my father, Lo’. But I’m not letting you pull away from me.”

“Luka,” she starts, but I don’t let her finish. I kiss her gently on the lips.

“I’ll handle it. What I’m not doing is letting you go again.”

“I don’t want you to,” she whispers. “Though if you did… things might be simpler.”

“Simple is boring,” I tell her, grinning.

“Whatever you say. Personally, I think I might like to try it sometime.”

“I need to hear you say you’re going to stop running away from me,” I tell her, not sure I can rest until she does.

“If I tell you that, will you undo these freaking handcuffs? I’m starting to get a cramp in my shoulder.” I grin. “Oh no, Luka Parish. I know that grin, and just… No.”

“But honey, don’t worry. I know exactly how to stretch you so you don’t cramp at all,” I tell her, and as a compromise—only not really, it’s just better this way—I change the way she’s cuffed. I unlatch the cuffs quickly, moving her hands to her stomach. I massage the kink her shoulder, and then kiss each of her wrists, before latching them in the cuffs again.

She doesn’t resist or pull away from me. In fat, her body softens against me. “Stretch me?” she whispers those eyes of her widening, her breathing quickening, betraying her excitement.

“Definitely. Stretch you.” I kiss along the side of her neck. “I’ll lay you out against the seat, pull your hands above your head…” I describe to her, letting my tongue move along her neck and bite down where her neck and shoulder meet—in that spot that always drives her wild. I bring my hands up to cup her breasts at the same time, my thumbs brushing against the pebbled nipples pushing against her shirt. “Then I’ll slowly undress you, kissing every inch of your body that I expose.”

“Oh… fuck,” she murmurs, her voice as soft as a caress.

I slide her off my lap, stretching her body across the back seat. I bring her hands up and loop them on a hook above the door. I had them installed to hold the lead ropes for when we use the canine units. I’m not about to explain that to her, but I’m thanking the Lord they’re there. I start unbuttoning her shirt, revealing her breasts to me, one creamy inch at a time. I kiss the pale skin I expose, let my tongue dip down into the valley between her tits, admiring the way they overfill the lavender cups of her lace bra. I slowly undo the clasp of her bra, my eyes glued to her body.

“And when I’m done kissing this gorgeous body, Lo’ … this body that belongs to me…” I whisper, running my tongue across her nipple and then sucking it into my mouth. “I’m going to slide my cock inside your tight little body. And feed it to you inch by inch.”

“I do belong to you, Luka. I always have,” she whimpers, her body shuddering beneath my touch as I undo her pants. I pull them and her panties down together, and she eagerly lifts herself to help me. I can’t resist placing a kiss against her bare pussy, letting my tongue dip against the lips, sliding in to graze against the swollen button of her clit. The sweet tangy taste of her desire fills my mouth at the same time her low moan echoes in the car.

I want inside of her. I have to get inside of her. It would take a stronger man that I am to pass up what is before me right now. I slide back on the seat, pulling Petal’s legs over my shoulders, and then use my fingers to pull the lips of her pussy apart, revealing the tender pink skin of her pussy to me. The scent of her desire calls to me like water to a man who has been living in the desert for much too long. I flatten my tongue out against her clit, feeling it pulsate against me, and I lick her slowly, gathering all of her juices that I can and practically drinking her down.

All thoughts of the past or even the future are gone for now. Just like always, everything fades except Petal when the two of us are alone. She says she’s always belonged to me.

What she doesn’t realize is that I’ve always been hers, too.

She owns me. She always has.

35

PETAL

Present:

“Luka! Set me free!” I whine, tugging on my restraints again as I feel his fingers slide inside of me. I’m close to coming, but I don’t want to let go yet. I need him inside of me. I should worry that once again we find ourselves inside his squad car, but I don’t. I’ve lost the ability to reason. I just want Luka, more of Luka… Always Luka.

“Not on your life, honey,” he whispers, his hot breath grazing my tender skin. I’m so wet, I feel my juices sliding around the lips of my pussy and coating my thighs. “I like having you at my mercy, Lo’.”

I feel his fingers push back inside of me. I actually hear them slide into my wet depths. His thumb glides against my throbbing clit, and I can feel him curl his fingers. I thrust up in the air, clenching my muscles around his hand and trying to ride him. The heels of my feet dig into his back.

“Luka,” I cry as I feel his tongue lick my clit, stroking it and then pushing against it right before he sucks it into his mouth. The entire time he does that, his fingers continue fucking me harder and faster. I feel a cool sweat break out across my skin as I fight my orgasm, not willing to give in.

“I love the way you taste, Lo’. So fucking sweet,” he growls.

“Luka, please! I need you inside of me,” I whimper, all thoughts of getting free gone. I just need to feel his cock…

“But I don’t want to stop eating out this sweet little snatch,” he growls, capturing my clit between his teeth and pulling at the exact moment his fingers push back inside of me and curl against my walls.

“Luka,” I whimper, his name breaking off into a moan.

“Come all over my face, Lo’, and maybe then I’ll give you my dick,” he demands, flattening his tongue out to lick me. I feel his tongue move across my pussy, and I still try to fight it.

“I don’t want to come until you’re… in me,” I breathe, trying to resist.

“I’m in charge, Lo’, not you. You’re going to come for me, or I won’t give you my dick.”

“Please, Luka.”

“I’ll come outside your pussy, jack off all over your tits, and paint them in my cum.”

“Luka,” I nearly cry at this point, feeling so empty I can’t stand it. “Please, honey. Please,” I whisper, my head going back, my body thrusting wilding towards him. I pull on my hands, trying to break free so I can hold onto him and take what I want. I’m completely helpless—completely at his mercy. “I need you. I need you so much.”

“Fuck Lo’. I should make you wait, but I can’t. I need you just as much, honey,” he whispers. I cry out in desperation as he moves away from me. I don’t have long to wait until he’s back and I can feel the tip of his cock push against my opening.

“Lo’, look at me.” I pull my head up, forcing my eyes to open as I do as he commands. “I want to see your eyes when I slide inside of you, honey.” My heart feels as if a hand is squeezing it. “You’re mine, Lo’.”

“I’m yours.” I’ve always belonged to him since the moment I first met him. He slams inside of me once he gets my words. His cock tears through me hard and fast—and beautiful. He doesn’t stop until he’s sunk all the way inside of me. I can’t catch my breath at the fierce invasion.

“Goddamn, Lo’. Every time… Every. Fucking. Time,” he breathes. “Every time it feels like coming home when I’m inside of you. It feels like finding a piece I’ve been missing my whole life,” he growls, pulling out only to slam back inside. “How the fuck do you do that, woman? How do you make me feel like I’ve been half dead and you’re the only one who can make me live again?” he cries, and he fucks me hard the entire time—sliding out only to tunnel back inside of me harder, fiercer, and with a touch of desperation that feeds my soul.

“I love you, Luka,” I cry. “I love you.”

I don’t know if he hears me say the words. I think he might be too far gone to understand them. He’s growling over me, and I watch him as he fucks me. He looks like a man possessed, almost as if he’s in pain. He’s finding his pleasure and claiming my body violently and in a way I know I’ll never forget.

“I love you,” I whisper just as my orgasm shatters and I come all over his cock. He rides me faster and faster, and I feel the exact moment he falls over the edge with me. His hot cum bathes my insides, flooding through me with the force of a hurricane. “I love you,” I whisper again just as he lets out a loud roar of victory.

Which is fitting, because in that moment, I am his, and he looks every inch the conqueror.

36

LUKA

Present:

“Very funny, Luka. Hah, hah. Now take off these cuffs.”

“Honey, that’s what I’m trying to tell you. I can’t. The key is outside—in my pants pocket.”

“Well, then march outside and get it,” she sighs.

I help her sit up, the vinyl on the seat sticking to her body. She’s still heated from making love, and I find even in my mild panic that I can’t keep my hands off of her.

“I just told you, Lo’. I can’t. The door is locked.”

“Then unlock it,” she huffs, blowing her bangs out of her eyes.

“I can’t. It’s a police car.”

“So? Really, Luka, I’m getting cold here, and someone might come by. Joking time is over.”

“Lo’, the back doors don’t open from the inside or else prisoners would just get out of the car after we arrest them,” I try to explain patiently. Then I wait for the reality of our situation to hit her.

“Oh, shit…”

“Exactly,” I sigh, trying to think of a way out of the situation.

“Luka! We’re locked in!”

“Uh… I believe I said that.”

“The doors won’t open from the inside!” she cries.

“Lo’,” I start, sensing her panic might be bigger than I imagined.

“Why did you throw our clothes outside?” she cries.

“Well, I didn’t think about it. I just wanted you naked.”

“Why did you close the door?”

“I didn’t, honey. It must have closed during…”

“During?” she presses, her voice almost shrill.

“Well, the car was rocking…” I laugh, grinning, which is probably not the right thing to do because she slaps my chest hard.

“This is not funny! We’re naked!”

“Well, yeah, but…”

“And locked in the car!”

“Lo’, honey. Relax. There has to be a way out of this.”

“Oh really? What do you suggest, Einstein?”

“You’re kind of bitchy when you panic,” I mutter, thinking she probably wouldn’t appreciate me spanking her ass.

“Maybe I wouldn’t be if I wasn’t handcuffed and naked while being locked in a police car!”

“If it makes you feel better, you aren’t the first,” I tell her helpfully while inspecting the panel between the seats. If I could get it loose, I can slide through to the front…

“I’m not the… What do you mean I’m not the first? Luka Parish, if you tell me you’ve had another girl in your—”

I slap my hand over her mouth. She narrows her eyes at me. If looks could kill, there’s a very real possibility I wouldn’t be breathing right now. I never realized Petal had such a temper before. It’s kind of sexy. I doubt she’d appreciate that observation either.

“Before you say something that might make this situation worse—”

“Mm-mmm, mmm, mmm!”

“I don’t understand what you’re trying to say, Lo’. Ow!” I cry out as she sinks her teeth into my hand. “You bit me!”

“You wouldn’t move your hand! And I said that I don’t think this situation could get any worse.”

“Of course it can. But what I was trying to explain was that I didn’t have another girl back here. I arrested old man Simpkins for drunk and disorderly conduct one night.”

“Old man Simpkins? But, Luka… he’s, like, eighty years old.”

“He’s eighty-four, actually, and he got into his wife’s homemade wine one night and was feeling frisky.”

“Feeling frisky?” Petal asks, her panic at being locked in the cop car naked momentarily forgotten.

“He stripped down to nothing but his tube socks, and when he couldn’t get inside the house, he stood outside the window and started serenading his woman in song.”

Petal actually laughs at that. I enjoy the sound while I rummage around in the back floorboard for anything that might help me take the screws out of the panel. If I can get just two of the screws out…

“I take it Mrs. Simpkins wasn’t in the mood?”

“Oh, she might have been, but it turns out Mr. Simpkins had a crush on the widow Langley, two doors down.”

“Oh, no.”

“Yep. So he slipped into his Viagra prescription that his wife made him keep and left a trail of clothes down the sidewalk to the Langley home.”

“You’re lying!” Petal exclaims, laughing harder.

“I wish. Honey, you don’t want to know what the sight of an eighty-four-year-old man with a chemically induced woody and shriveled up balls can do to you.”

“I can imagine,” she says, visibly cringing.

“Trust me, you can’t.”

“Maybe not. What are you doing with that penny?” she asks.

I look over my shoulder at her. She’s got her arms wrapped in front of her, hiding her boobs, with her bra lying across her lap like she’s hiding her pussy.

Cute. Damn cute.

“Trying to use it to get these screws loose. If I can get this panel weakened, I may be able to get through to the front seat.”

“Yes! Do that!” she encourages me, and I hide my smile, turning back around to try.

“I’m trying,” I say through my laughter. We’re silent for a few minutes while I continue to try—and fail at—loosening the panel.

“What song did he try and serenade Ms. Langley with?” she asks, leaning in so close against me that I can feel her breath against the side of my neck.

“Honey, I love it when you’re pressed against me, but maybe you could give me a little room to work?”

“Oh! Sorry,” she says, biting on her nail nervously and pulling away from me. “So what song did he sing?”

“Why Don’t We Get Drunk And Screw,” I answer with a smirk.

“You’re making that up!”

“Nope.”

“Oh, gosh!” she says, laughing. “What did Mrs. Simpkins do?”

“Well… I made the mistake of letting her talk to him before I arrested him.”

“Why was that a mistake?”

“The first question she asked was why he never wanted to have sex with her anymore.”

“Yikes. What was his answer?”

“Well, I guess old man Simpkins likes singing, because he immediately started singing ‘It’s Hard to Kiss the Lips At Night That Chew Your Ass Out All Day Long’. Needless to say, Mrs. Simpkins wasn’t happy.”

“Oh my God! Is that a real song?”

“Apparently.”

“Your job is interesting.”

“It’s about to get a lot more interesting.”

“Why is that?”

“Now, Lo’. Don’t get upset, but…”

“But?”

“This ain’t going to work, honey.”

“Oh shit. We’re stuck here?”

“Well, no…”

“We’re not? But I thought you said…”

I watch as realization sinks in her face, and it does… when the cold, bright lights of a truck pull in behind us.

“Luka!!!” she screams, and it’s not the kind of scream a man wants to ever hear from a woman when she calls his name. Unfortunately, there’s not a damned thing I can do about it but wrap her up in my arms and try to hide her body.

Fuck.

37

PETAL

Present:

Do you ever wish the ground would just swallow you up? Right now, that’s the prayer I keep repeating over and over as I burrow into Luka’s naked body. My mind keeps flashing through a list of people that could be pulling up behind us, and all of them are definitely worst case scenarios.

I expected Blue. I mean, we’re close to his farm. That would be embarrassing, but I can deal. It could be Gray and CC since they’re not too far from here, either. Worst case and a nightmare for me would definitely be my mother. I wouldn’t put it past Black to be the one who shows up, because somehow he always knows when to annoy me. Nothing could have prepared me, however, for what was about to happen.

“Motherfucker,” Luka growls above me, his chin at the top of my head. I try to pull away and look up at him, but he doesn’t let me.

“Luka?”

“Don’t move, Lo’. Stay right there, and don’t move a muscle,” he orders.

“What’s wrong?” I ask, which might be the stupidest thing I’ve ever asked. I mean I’m locked in the back of a police car with a pair of handcuffs on, and just to make it worse, I’m wearing nothing but a smile. What could possibly be wrong?

“What the hell is going on here?”

“Just open the door,” Luka growls, and I know he’s saying it loudly, but I can barely hear him over the pounding of my heart. Maybe in the back of my mind I thought his father could show up, but never in a million years did I really think it was him.

That voice, however, is unmistakable.

The door opens, and I tense up. Thankfully, Luka doesn’t move. If anything, his hold on me tightens, not allowing me to move either.

“What the fuck are you doing?”

“Shut up, Dad, and just hand me my shirt,” Luka growls. He reaches behind him and his dad must hand it to him. Color me surprised.

I feel Luka pull his shirt around my back. He holds it together and carefully backs out of the car. Luckily I am short where Luka is tall, so the shirt falls close to my knees. Still it’s entirely too short and revealing to be around Luka’s father.

“Well, I always knew she was a whore,” Mr. Parish sneers.

Luka spins around and nails him dead center of his nose with a fist. Mr. Parish instantly goes down, and blood streams from the punch.

“Stay right here, honey,” Luka tells me, turning away. He bends down to find his pants and quickly puts them on, buttoning them up and not worrying about his belt. He fishes through his pocket and finds the key to his handcuffs, undoing them.

“And she likes it kinky. Like mother, like daughter, I guess. I knew I should have given you a whirl.” Mr. Parish laughs cruelly.

“If you want to keep your fucking teeth in your head, you’ll shut the fuck up,” Luka yells. “I’m sorry, Lo’,” he whispers much softer to me.

I feel a little shell-shocked. I can’t lie. I don’t know what to say, and I figure anything I say will cause Luka’s dad to get uglier, so I just remain quiet.

For his part, Luka stands in front of me, his stance protective as he helps me with his shirt. I clumsily thread my hands through his sleeves, and only when Luka has it on me does he lean back enough to button it up. It’s tight right at the chest area. I’m not exactly small, and Luka obviously does not have the double Ds that I pack around. I would probably be blushing except I’m pretty sure the fact that Roger Parish is standing here has drained all the color from my face. I make myself look up into Luka’s eyes. I see the tension on his face and instantly want to brush it away, but I can’t.

“What? I’m just saying the truth,” Luka’s father insists. “I thought you were fucking smarter than to get hung up on easy pussy, son. You’ve always been a disappointment. Too much of your mother’s blood.”

It’s then that I realize Mr. Parish is drunk—and not just a little. He reeks of alcohol. Even from this distance, I can smell it on him.

“You fucking bastard,” Luka growls.

He turns on his father. I find myself holding on to him to keep him from hitting the man again, not because I care if Luka’s father gets the shit kicked out of him, but only because I know that even if Luka doesn’t respect his father anymore, this hurts him.

“I’m just saying the truth, son. You play with easy pussy; you don’t get tangled up in it. You don’t give up a career! You ruined both our lives. I would have won the congress seat easily if my son had been in the FBI. Christ, you just threw away your whole life for this—”

He doesn’t get the words out because Luka’s fist connects with his mouth. Then again, and again. It becomes kind of a blur, really. I reach down and fish my jeans out from the bottom of the pile on the ground, quickly getting into them. Only when I have them on and buttoned do I turn my attention back to Luka.

Luka’s stopped hitting his father, but from the look of the blood and the way Mr. Parish’s face is already swelling, he definitely got in quite a few punches.

“You don’t look at Petal. You don’t so much as say her name. If I had known this was the kind of filth you spewed at her, I would have cut you out of my life years ago. You’re dead to me,” Luka growls.

I just stand there looking at Mr. Parish, my heart beating erratically, and it’s not because of what Luka just said or did. It’s the look of hate in Mr. Parish’s eyes—hate that is all directed at me and promising retribution. I swallow as fear settles deep inside of me.

Luka takes my hand and helps me inside the passenger seat of his car. He has me buckled in and kisses my forehead, and I remain quiet. We’re pulling away and I’m looking at Luka’s dad in the rearview mirror, and I still say nothing. I’m not sure what there is to say.

38

LUKA

Present:

“Luka,” Petal whispers.

“Is this the kind of shit he threw at you when we were together, Lo’?” I bark at her, and I’m not careful with my tone—despite what she’s just witnessed and gone through. I can’t. I’m so angry right now, I want to turn around, go back, and pound in my father’s face again. My father.

I haven’t been proud of him in a damned long time, but after witnessing what I did tonight, all I can feel is shame and disgust that this man’s blood flows through my veins.

“Luka,” she says again, and I shake my head no, because I’m not letting her out of this. For once, by God, she’s going to answer me, and she’s going to answer me directly.

“Answer me, Lo’! Is this the shit you put up with when we were married? Is this why you left me?”

“We’ve already had this conversation,” she says, her voice sound resigned.

“We didn’t! You told me he said shit to get to you. You let me believe it was normal animosity between the two of you. Then tonight, I find out that he threatened you… and after what I saw just now. Fuck, Lo’. Just what kind of threats did he make?”

“Just let it go, Luka. We can’t change it.”

“You should have told me. You should have come to me. I was your husband.”

“A husband who I had lied to. A husband who only married me because I was pregnant,” she says, looking out the window. I turn my eyes back to the road. I have so many emotions running through me, I’m dangerous enough behind the wheel. I have to focus. “A husband who didn’t really trust me,” she adds so softly, I have to strain to hear it.

The truth of everything she says kicks me in the gut—hard. She’s right. She may have been the one who lied to me, but I spent the duration of our marriage holding it against her… punishing her for it. I did it without even realizing it.

“Lo’.”

“Yeah?” She sounds so tired it hurts me.

“I didn’t marry you because you were pregnant.”

“Come on, Luka. We’re both realists.”

“Maybe so, but I’m telling you that’s not why I asked you to marry me. I wanted my family with me, and yeah, you were too young, and I used the pregnancy as an excuse, but damn it, Lo’… I wanted my ring on your finger. I wanted my name on you. I wanted it so every asshole who came close to you knew you belonged to me.”

“Luka…” she whispers just as I pull into our driveway.

I shut off the car and look straight ahead. I look at the house I bought with my family in mind. I look at everything around me that I did and created, thinking of nothing more than providing for my family and putting us all under one roof. Jesus. I made so many mistakes.

“I didn’t include you in anything, did I, Lo’? Not really. Even this house, I picked it out and bought it without even consulting with you.”

“I loved this house, Luka.”

“But it was to be your home, too. You should have had input in that. You should have had input in everything. I should have listened. I should have talked to you about my father. This is why you only asked in the divorce that my father didn’t get River by himself, isn’t it, Lo’? Why the fuck didn’t that clue me in?” I growl, slamming my hands down on the steering wheel as suddenly things that didn’t make sense before now click into place. “I was being so self-righteous, playing the wronged—”

“Luka, stop. Don’t you think I have regrets? I lied to you. I didn’t talk to you about your father, and I should have. I lived in fear of alienating you further, and because of that, I let it destroy our marriage. I kept trying to be an adult, a mother to River. Instead, I was making childish mistake after childish mistake. I have the same regrets, Luka, but we can’t go back,” she whispers.

“My father isn’t going to take this quietly. It might get uglier, Lo’. Until I know exactly how unhinged he is, I don’t want you or River alone.”

“You really think he’ll get that bad, Luka? I mean, he’s evil, but he’s also the mayor. He can’t do anything overt…”

“I think he’s been drunk more than sober lately. I think the man I saw tonight had nothing but hate inside of him, and I know there’s no way he will win re-election, which makes him dangerous—more so than before.”

“He was always dangerous, Luka. Nothing has really changed.”

“Except now you have me with you, Lo’. I’m right here with you.” I put my hand on her lap, palm up. She stares at me and then down at my hand. Slowly she puts her hand in mine, linking our fingers together.

And just like that, some of the anger inside of me lessens.

39

PETAL

Present:

“Lo’, wake up,” Luka says, nudging my shoulder.

I blink a few times trying to focus. It’s barely daylight. I stretch and yawn before I can even speak.

“What’s going on?” I ask. “Are you going into work?”

“Later today, yeah. I have some things I need to take care of first. I thought I’d drive you to your mother’s or Gray and CC’s for the day.”

“What? Why?”

“No reason.” He shrugs. “I just thought you’d like the company.”

“Bullshit. What’s going on?”

I know there’s no way that Luka would willingly drive me to my mothers. Heck, I don’t even want him to. My mother would have an aneurysm if she knew I have been spending the night with Luka like I have been. I mean, I know realistically that I’m going to have to come clean soon, but I’d like to put that moment off as long as I can.

Luka starts rubbing the side of his neck, and I’m awake enough now that I can see the tension on his face he’s trying to hide.

“Daniel called me,” he explains.

I frown. “Your deputy? Do you need to go into work sooner? If this is about what we talked about last night, you need to stop worrying. I really don’t think your father will try anything obvious, but even so, I can stay here and have Mary or Maggie pick me up. I won’t go out alone—”

“Lo’, he called me to give me a heads-up.”

“Heads-up? About what?”

“My father went in this morning and swore out a warrant for my arrest,” he says.

For a minute, I can’t breathe. It feels like the air has been knocked out of me. Then that feeling is quickly replaced with a sick dread that makes me want to vomit.

“He’s trying to get you arrested?”

“He’s not trying, Lo’. He has a warrant issued for me. I will be arrested. It’s just a matter of time. Daniel is delaying things as best as he can right now, but we need to hurry.”

“Hurry? Why? Luka, you can’t go on the lam!” I cry in a panic.

He stops and stares at me, a stunned look coming across his face, and then he laughs. How he can laugh at a time like this is beyond me.

“I fail to see anything funny about this situation, Luka,” I grumble, getting out of bed.

“I just realized I married Ida Sue.”

“That’s a mean thing to say, and we’re not married,” I grumble. It’s not the first time people have said I’m just like my mother, and sadly, the older I get, the more I see it.

“We need to fix that.”

“Fix… What did you just say?”

“I said we need to get married.”

“You just proposed to me as if it was the answer to a problem while I’m wearing a t-shirt and have bed hair, and when you are moments away from being hauled off to jail!”

“So?”

“That’s not when you propose to someone, Luka. Not even close.”

“It’s not like we haven’t already been married, and honestly in my mind we’ve never really been divorced. This is just like… dotting our I’s and crossing our T’s.”

“Dotting our… Crossing our… If your father doesn’t succeed in destroying you, Luka Parish, I may kill you.”

“But you’ll marry me?”

“I’m not having this conversation. We need to talk with Black. He’s a detective now, so he can help us figure this thing out,” I mumble, picking up some jogging pants, a t-shirt, bra, and panties out of the overnight bag I keep stocked in Luka’s closet. I barely pay attention to what I’m doing, intent only on getting to the bathroom, dressing, brushing my teeth, and trying to keep Luka on the right side of the steel bars.

“Seems like you should have more faith in me to handle this instead of your brother. I am your man, after all,” Luka grumbles like a sullen child.

I look up at him once I have my clothes thrown on. “Are you really going to pout? Shouldn’t you be getting dressed?” I ask him disbelievingly. I put toothpaste on my brush with a sigh. Men are such big babies.

“I’m not pouting. I’m merely pointing out a fact. You should have more confidence in me. This is my father I’m dealing with. I have this under control,” he gripes.

It’s clear he’s put out with me. “Will you cut me some slack? You woke me up to inform me you’re going on the lam—”

“I am not going on the lam. I’m not even sure what you think that means. I’m going to take you somewhere where you are surrounded by your family and River is with you. That way, I don’t worry about what my father is trying to plan, and I will deal with this shit head on.”

“If you think that I am going to stand back and let you deal with all of this alone, you’re crazier than a Bessie bug!”

“Lo’, I love you, but you’re starting to scare me with just how much you are sounding like your mother.”

“She’s like a disease inside of me! She comes out when I’m nervous or upset… Wait, Luka! Did you just tell me you loved me?”

“It’s not like that’s a big secret, honey.”

“You’ve never said it!”

“Of course I have,” he says, shaking off my concerns as if they are nothing.

“No. No you have not, Luka. You have only said you loved me one time in my entire life, and that’s when we broke up!”

“Lo’, you’re wrong.” But I can see him thinking back. I see it on his face, and I see the exact moment he realizes I am right. “Fuck.”

“You love me,” I whisper, and I don’t bother keeping the tears back. I let them fall. I couldn’t stop them right now if I wanted to.

Luka loves me.

“God, Lo’, every day I realize just how stupid I was. I love you, honey. I’ve always loved you.”

“You love me,” I say again, because those are literally the only words I can get out. The next moment, I’m gathered up in his arms, my toothbrush tossed in the sink. I cling to his warm body as he holds me close. His hands slide into my hair, combing through it slowly but with purpose.

“I love you, Lo’. God, woman, I love you more than life.”

We stay like that for a while. I couldn’t tell you how long exactly; I just know that it will be one of those moments that I will never forget as long as I live. We only break apart when the doorbell rings and reality starts to settle back in.

“Crap.”

“Let me go see who it is,” Luka whispers, kissing my cheek gently and pulling away.

“No!” I screech like some kind of harpy. “I’ll go! You can’t! It could be the law coming to get you!”

“Lo’ honey, I am the law.”

“You also have a warrant out on you. I’ll go!” I growl at him, already making my way into the living room. I open the door to the last sight I ever expected.

My entire family is standing at Luka’s door. Mom is in the front, Jansen standing beside her. Mom looks ready to spit nails, and Jansen has a more resigned look on his face. Behind her stands Black, Blue, Green, and Cyan. Off to the side of them are CC and Gray with their babies, Kayla and White and their family, along with River, who is standing with Green’s son. My sisters are standing beside them.

Damn. For the entire family to be here, this has to be bad.

“Care to explain this, Lotus Petal?” Mom asks, and she unrolls a newspaper—a newspaper which has a picture of Luka shielding me. You can’t really tell it’s me, but I know it is, and there’s enough of my hair and arms showing that I know my mother—and the rest of my family—can recognize me, too. Luka, however, can’t be confused because he’s standing with his back to the camera, and he doesn’t have any clothes on. Underneath the black and white grainy picture is a headline—a headline that might be comical if I wasn’t involved: Mason County Sheriff caught with his pants down!

“Fuck,” Luka grumbles, taking the paper out of Mom’s hands.

I say nothing. That one word pretty much sums it up.

40

LUKA

Present:

There’s a lot of things on my list of things I never want to happen. Having an arrest warrant sworn out against me by my father would be right up there. Closely following that, however, would be having Petal’s entire family show up on my doorstep—led by her mother—which means that today is officially a fucked up day from Hell.

Petal and I step back to allow the crazy train to charge inside. I can feel Ida Sue’s eyes on me, the heat of her gaze making me nervous. I do my best to ignore it, and I give Petal’s hand a squeeze. She looks up at me with those beautiful blue eyes, and I see the worry in them… worry for me. I bend down and kiss her lips, ignoring her family completely. It’s a brief kiss, but one to show her what she means to me, one given to prove I’m not going to be the idiot I was in the past—one to reaffirm that together, we are strong, and I will not make the same mistakes. I won’t allow it. As I pull away, I kiss her forehead.

“Love you, Lo’.”

My reward comes when she smiles, and those blue eyes warm, the worry in them slowly dissipating.

“I love you,” she returns.

“Your Dad kissed Aunt Pet!” Allen proclaims loudly, and Petal presses her head against my chest.

“They kiss all the time,” River sighs. “It’s gross.”

“Out of the mouths of babes,” Ida Sue mutters.

“Don’t start, Mom. Luka and I have enough shit going on without you adding in right now,” Petal growls back, and damn if that’s not enough to make a man smile, even in the face of the Crayon gang.

“I’ll go make some coffee,” I sigh, heading into the kitchen.

“Luka—”

“It’s going to be okay, Lo’, now that your family is here. They can protect you while I go in and get things situated.”

“What would you need to protect her from?” asks Ida Sue. Strangely enough, she doesn’t sound like she wants to take my head off and grind it up to feed to her dog—which I guess I should be thankful for.

“River, why don’t you take your cousins to your room and play that new video game I bought you?” I tell my son, not wanting them to overhear what’s going on.

“Before breakfast?” he asks, knowing the house rule.

“It’s a special day,” I tell him.

“How come it’s special?” he asks in all innocence.

I want to tell him, but somehow, I think telling him on the day I’m being arrested won’t really work.

“I’ll tell you later,” I answer instead.

“It’s a surprise?” he asks. “I love surprises! This is the best day ever!” he exclaims, and then he and his cousins run out of the room excitedly. I look around at all of the Lucas family staring at me—some with mocking looks and smiles I’d like to punch right off, some with confusion—and then I see Ida Sue’s expression, which isn’t filled with her normal hate, but still isn’t welcoming. I wish I could share my son’s blind enthusiasm.

I don’t.

41

PETAL

Present:

“Just how long were you planning on sneaking around like—?”

“Don’t start, Mom. Not right now.”

“Don’t start? I swear you were never this disrespectful to me until that man came into your life.”

“That man is the father of my son—your grandchild.”

“Trust me, Lotus Petal, I’m not about to forget.”

“Then maybe you can try and give him a little respect. He is not his father, Momma. I’ve watched you open your heart to CC and Kayla. You even tried with Green’s ex—”

“I did not. You take that shit back right now. That woman was a wart on the ass of humanity,” Mom interrupts me.

“One that was festered and oozing pus,” Blue adds.

“She wasn’t that bad,” Green defends, looking uncomfortable.

“Name one redeeming thing about that cow,” Gray demands.

“Gray, that’s not a nice thing to call her,” CC mumbles.

“You didn’t meet her, sweetheart,” Gray answers.

“Yeah, but I did, and you’re insulting Hamburger by calling her that,” Mom injects, and several of us laugh. It’s pretty much true; there’s no point in arguing with her.

Luka comes over and stands behind me. He wraps his arms around me, and I lean back into him, breathing a sigh of relief. Mom’s giving me looks, but she’s not looking like she wants to kill either of us—at least not as much as I expected. I’m taking that as a good sign. Honestly, it feels good to not be hiding and keeping secrets. It’d almost be perfect… if Luka didn’t have a warrant hanging over his head.

“We’re waiting,” Jansen says.

The room gets quiet, and everyone is staring at me and Luka like we have answers. Maybe we should, but right now I’m at a loss.

“Yeah. Why does my daughter need protection?” Mom asks. She’s looking at Luka, and her face doesn’t have any discernable emotion on it. I can’t figure out for the life of me what she’s thinking. With Mom, that can be both good and bad…

“She probably doesn’t,” Luka hedges. I look above me to see him frowning. He’s uncomfortable and embarrassed and who knows what else. I hate it for him. I hate everything about this.

“But she might,” Black adds, and at once, the mood changes in the room.

“I don’t want to take any chances,” Luka finally admits. He goes to the empty chair in the room since my family has commandeered the sectional sofa and floor. He pulls me onto his lap, and I don’t try to argue. I need to be close to him, but I get the feeling he needs me close to him even more.

“Maybe you better start at the beginning,” Green says.

“My father… he’s not reacting well to Lo’ and I getting back together,” Luka says, his voice strained.

“I bet,” Mom snorts.

“He said some things… things about Lo’ that I wasn’t about to let slide.”

“I don’t think I understand. What does it matter what he says? What happens between you and Petal doesn’t involve him. What could he possibly say to upset you so much?”

That statement comes from CC which, not being from here, leaves her clueless to Luka’s father and the way he is.

“Honey, that old rooster thinks the sun comes up every morning just because he crows,” Mom chastises. “What did he say to my daughter?” she asks, ignoring me and directing her question directly to Luka.

“Mom, it’s not important,” I start, not wanting Luka to repeat the things his father said—for many reasons.

“Bullshit it’s not important. I spent too many damned years watching that family try and destroy you. I’m not about to watch you go through that shit anymore.”

“Luka is taking care of things—”

“He didn’t exactly take care of things before, now did he?”

“He didn’t know, Mom.”

“He didn’t want to know. He sure as hell didn’t want to listen,” she growls, and I guess I was just fooling myself thinking Mom seemed to have softened about Luka.

“That’s it. Mom—”

“Lo’, let it go. In this, your mother is right,” Luka says quietly, and in that moment everyone freezes in position. The difference is that noticeable. Tension spikes up around us, and I want to cry at the look of sadness on Luka’s face. He’s taking all of this on his shoulders.

“No. She’s not! I should have talked to you back then. You didn’t know—”

“I was busy wallowing in being the one who had been lied to,” he whispers, cupping the side of my face. “Whether it was intentional or not, I held that over you, honey.”

“Wallowed like a pig in mud,” Mom mutters, but I tune her out.

“I let you down, and even when I lost you, I didn’t try to fix it—to fight. I told myself I did, but I didn’t really. Ida Sue reached out to me back then, and I shut her down. I shut everything down.”

“I… What? She did?” I ask, completely confused. I turn back to look at my mother. “You did?”

“You loved him, and I hadn’t exactly been supportive.” She sighs, and that’s when I see the sadness in my mother’s eyes. Sadness and pain. I slide off of Luka’s lap and walk over to her. I go down on my knees in front of her and hug her tightly.

“I’m so sorry that me loving Luka caused you pain, Momma. I never wanted that, and sadly, I began to understand. I just never knew how to talk to you. I wanted to… I just…”

Mom wraps her arms around me and holds me close. We don’t talk. I figure that will come later—when we’re alone. For now, this is enough.

For a moment, now that I know I have my mother’s support, I feel like everything will be okay.

What is it about having your mother hold you close that makes you feel like she can save you from the world? That one hug makes you believe that somehow everything will be better in the ray of the sunshine and new morning.

I feel that way for a moment, and then comes the knock on the door. My eyes dart to Luka, and I see the dread there. He gives me a half-smile as if to reassure me.

“I’ll get it,” he says, standing up.

“No! Luka!” I stand up to go to him, but before I can, he’s already opened the door.

His deputy Daniel is standing there. “Man, I’m sorry about this,” Daniel says. “I couldn’t hold them back any longer.”

“It’s okay,” Luka answers just as I get to him.

“No. It’s not okay! Luka didn’t do anything wrong!”

“What’s this about Daniel?” That comes from Black. It’s then that I notice my whole family have come to the door and are circling around us.

“It’s not my choice I’m here, Black,” Daniel says, looking to Luka for reassurance.

“Then tell them no! Luka didn’t do anything to Roger Parrish! He was defending me!” I cry.

“Why do I feel like I should have been told this shit sooner?” Mom growls.

“What the hell is going on?” Black yells, the anger in his voice making me nervous. Black hardly ever gets angry—but when he does…

“It’s okay. I’ve got this handled. I knew it was coming. Just make sure Lo’ and River are safe. Take them back to your place, Ida Sue. I’ll be there as soon as I get this taken care of,” Luka assures us, trying to make sure everyone remains calm.

“I’m going with you!” I insist this time. He’s crazy if he thinks I am about to let him go through this all alone.

“Lo’, I need you to take care of our son.”

I want to cry, because as if on cue, River comes running out of his room.

“Daddy! Daddy!”

Daniel turns Luka around and takes out his handcuffs, and that’s the part that almost kills me.

“Why are you doing that? You don’t need to do that! Damn it, Daniel! You know Luka!” I yell just as River pushes through to get to his father. He is crying out for his father as I pull him back against me.

“Everything will be fine,” Luka assures me. I know he hates that River is watching all of this.

“I’ll take care of them,” Mom promises.

“And I’ll take my car and be right behind you, Luka,” Black adds. “I want to make sure you don’t get railroaded.” That makes me feel better since it already feels like that’s exactly what’s happening.

“I don’t have a choice,” Daniel says softly, and I can see that he feels bad about all of this, but still…

“Seems to me you’ve made your choice, Daniel Patton. Your mother is probably rolling over in her grave,” Mom complains.

“I’m just doing my job,” Daniel defends as he starts to walk Luka away. I pull River over to Green and run out to Luka.

“I would have quit before I agreed to do something like this,” Black says to Daniel in response.

“If it wasn’t me, it would have been someone else,” Daniel answers.

“Then it would have been someone else,” Black responds, crossing his arms and refusing to back down.

“I’m so sorry, Luka. I’m so sorry. I should have paid attention to your father’s threats. I should have—”

“You shouldn’t have to deal with any threats, Lo’. The only thing you did wrong was not telling me sooner. We’ll get through this. You don’t see it now, honey, but trust me when I tell you the hard part is over. You and I have this… together.”

“Together,” I agree, wishing I wasn’t crying in front of him. I go up on my tiptoes to kiss him right before Daniel pulls him away.

“Don’t bend over to get the soap!” Mom yells out helpfully.

“Really, Lovey?” Jansen complains.

“What? I watch those crime dramas,” Mom mutters. I close my eyes, pulling my son back to me. I’d yell at Mom, but what she says next assures me she’s got Luka’s back. “I think it’s time we make sure our town mayor gets a little payback. If there’s any justice, picking up the soap will be the least of his worries in the big house.”

“About time,” Jansen says, hugging her close. “You’ve been holding this in for too dang long.”

“You’re right,” Mom agrees, but I can see the fear in her eyes. I don’t want her to have to relive her past. She should have the right to keep that to herself.

There has to be another way…

42

LUKA

Present:

“Well, you don’t look worse for the wear,” Ida Sue says, standing at the door.

I admit, I had hoped the first person I saw when I got here would be Petal.

“I took your advice and didn’t pick up any soap.” I sigh. “Where’s Lo’?”

“She’s getting River to bed. He’s understandably upset after today. It’s good to see they let you out,” she says, watching me closely.

“I understand I have you to thank for that,” I tell her, still surprised she did it and wishing she hadn’t. “I don’t want you putting up your farm, though. I’ll make sure bail is changed at my first court date.”

“I just signed some papers.” She shrugs, as if putting up her entire farm as collateral for my bond is no big deal.

“It’s a really big deal, and I didn’t ask… I didn’t want you—”

“Listen, Black called and said you were trying to arrange it so your house was collateral for it all, but it just wasn’t enough for what you owe. It’s ridiculous that your bail was set so high anyway.”

“Yeah. When dear old Dad wants to fuck people over, he makes sure he does it good—especially if it’s his son, I guess.”

“So I just signed some papers. Orange ain’t exactly your color.”

“Still, I know I’m not your favorite person, and it was—”

“Can we not talk this to death? Just let it go. You’re planning on having your ass in court, right? Not planning on skipping the country? Taking off for Fiji or Russia or something?”

I study the woman in front of me, and for the first time today, I find a ghost of a smile rising on my face.

“I’m planning on being in court. I don’t believe I’ll ever make it to Russia. I’m not much on flying in general, to be honest. I like having both feet on the ground.”

“They say flying is safer than driving.”

Of all the conversations I thought of having with my mother-in-law tonight, this wasn’t one of them. “Yeah, well, I’m the one driving, and I’m not putting my life in the hands of someone I don’t know in a car.”

“You may have more sense than I gave you credit for. Still, I wouldn’t let Lotus Petal know you’re afraid to get on a plane—”

“I didn’t say I was afraid, really.”

“Whatever. You don’t want to come off like a giant pussy. You already are fighting the blood you got running in your body. Don’t give her any other reason to leave you.”

“I would think you’d much rather her leave me way behind,” I tell her honestly.

“You’re growing on me,” she mutters.

“Damn…”

“Like a rash from an outbreak of poison oak,” she adds with a smirk.

“That sounds more like it,” I laugh.

“Especially if the rash gets between the butt cheeks so it chafes every time you walk.”

“I get the picture.”

“Or under the boob so it sweats and gets all smelly. Kind of reminding you of a pig pen…”

“And on that note, I’m out of here,” I mumble, turning away. The last thing I ever want to think about is Ida Sue and her smelly boobs.

“Hey, Luka?” she calls out softly.

I look over my shoulder at her. “Yeah?”

“Lotus Petal told me what happened. I reckon you have a lot going on in your head right now.”

“You could say that.”

“I never had sex with your father,” she whispers.

“You really don’t have to tell me that. It’s none of my business, Ida Sue.”

“Not willingly,” she adds.

It feels as if someone has sucker punched me in the gut.

“Fuck. Is that why you’ve always hated me? Why didn’t you press charges against him? Nail his ass to the wall?” I ask, but inside, it feels like I can’t breathe.

I know my father is unhinged… but could he be a rapist? I have so many questions, but I don’t say them out loud. Ida Sue doesn’t deserve that, and I’m starting to realize I never knew my father at all. The man I thought was my father would have never said those things to Petal, and he would have never had me arrested and tried to destroy my life.

“Come on, Luka. We both know how the judicial system works. Who is going to take my word over a man with your father’s background? A man who was already being groomed to run for office and have a long political career? I was already famous for free love rallies and being judged for the way I lived my life. It’s that life that made your father think I would willingly give in to him.”

I wish I could tell her she was wrong, but she’s not. We both know that, and my father had money. He would have buried her alive back then—maybe literally.

“This is why you never wanted me around Lo’. Why you hated me so much. You saw her as a kid another Parish was taking advantage of. You thought I…”

“My mind wasn’t exactly clear back then, Luka. I tend to react to things emotionally,” she admits, not looking at me. Instead, she looks down at the coffee cup she’s holding, and I’m suddenly glad the room is mostly dark. I don’t want to see the pain on Ida Sue’s face that I know must be there.

“I’ll just go check on Lo’ and River, and then I’ll leave,” I tell her, because there’s really not much more I can say. Suddenly my entire life has been turned upside-down, and things I thought were written in stone were just penciled in the sand. The heroes and the villains have all changed. I can’t even process it right now.

“When I’m wrong, Luka, I say I am. You need to stay here. Petal needs you, and so does that grandson of mine. Really, this is the safest place for you.”

“What are you saying?” I ask, thinking I know, but deeply shocked.

“Something I should have said years ago.” She sighs, putting her cup down and walking to me. “Welcome to the family, Luka.” She pats me on the shoulder. Then she keeps walking, but in true Ida Sue form, has to get the last word in. “But if you ever hurt my daughter, I will kick your balls so far up inside of you that you will be singing like Julie Andrews.”

“I—”

“Then I’ll bury your body so deep, Satan’s pitchfork will be playing with your ass for eternity. Understood?”

“Uh… understood,” I tell her, because damn if I know what else to say.

“Good enough,” she says, walking out of the room and leaving me staring after her, wondering just how much stranger my life can get.

43

PETAL

Present:

“I can’t believe they postponed your trial for a freaking month! You have a life. You have a job as sheriff! You need this fixed!”

“Honey, calm down,” Luka says—and probably for the tenth time, because I keep repeating myself. I just can’t wrap my head around it. Luka’s father is getting everything he wants. Luka went to ask his mother for help, and she basically told him he was on his own and then left town for a long extended vacation in the Caribbean. Luka did not exactly hit the parent lottery.

“I can’t calm down! This is your life they are destroying, Luka.”

“They’re not doing anything. The way I see it, my father is doing me a favor.”

“You are freaking insane!” I argue. There’s no way he could possibly even think that.

“I’ve been saying that for years,” Mom mutters, but she says it with a wink at Luka.

“Lo’, all of this will get straightened out, and in the meantime… look at me.”

“What?” I ask, stopping because I fail to see why he should be happy and smiling.

“I’ve got my family back. I sleep with the woman I love every night, and I’m not singing like Julie Andrews,” he says, completely serious.

“Julie Andrews?” I ask, confused. “Luka, did you bump your head or something?”

“There’s still time,” Mom grumbles, adding to my confusion.

“What am I missing here?”

“Nothing. Just the fact that I’m growing on your mother.”

“Like a wart… a pus-filled wart,” she sighs.

“I think you’ve all lost your minds.”

“Well, to be fair, it’s not a long trip for any of us,” Black says, walking through the front door.

“I can amen that one,” Jansen says.

“What are you doing home, son?” Mom asks.

“It seems I’ve been put on administrative leave,” Black says, walking into the kitchen and grabbing a doughnut out of the open container we’ve all been munching on since we got back from court. River is in school, which is probably a good thing because I don’t want him to see how truly upset I am. Luka and I have been doing our best to keep things hidden from him whenever possible, and my family has tried to help with that. Still, he’s picking up things here and there—mostly at school from the other kids—and I know it’s affecting him.

“Administrative leave? What the hell for?” Blue yells, and that’s scary enough, because Blue never yells. Where Black is laidback, Blue is just reserved and quiet, preferring to stay to his own company most of the time.

“I have no idea. My supervisor said they had reports that I was violating ROP.”

“ROP?” Mom asks, confused.

“Rules of Procedure,” Luka explains quietly. “You think my father is behind it?”

“Since my captain and your father golf on the weekends, I’d lay odds on it, man.”

“Motherfucker. I’m sorry, Black. I can try—”

“You will not do one damned thing. It will get straightened out. I want to see your father’s head on a platter as much as you do. My captain will get his head out of his ass eventually,” Black promises, but I have my doubts.

“I swear some men have to be conceived during anal sex. That’s the only reason for the explosion of assholes we keep coming across,” Mom says with a yawn.

“What are you going to do?” Blue asks.

“I filed a grievance with IAB.”

“I bet that’s going to make you really popular,” Luka sighs.

“Ask me how many fucks I have to give?” Black shrugs.

“I think it’s time I go and see a lawyer,” Mom grumbles.

“A lawyer? About what?” I ask Mom. I’m scared, but this was the one thing I was hoping she wouldn’t have to face.

“There’s more than one way to skin a cat, Lotus Petal,” Mom says with a sad smile.

“Mom, Luka’s father isn’t going to fight fair, and it could get really… bad.” I finish the last word lamely, knowing it doesn’t even begin to cover what the fallout could be if Luka’s dad turns his hate on my mother.

“I said there was more than one way to skin a cat, honey. Don’t matter which way you do it, though. It’s going to be a bloody mess.” She shrugs, leaving the room.

“Why do I have a bad feeling about this?” Black asks once Mom is gone and we’re all staring at the door she walked out of.

“Because you’re smart,” Jansen answers, sounding weary. “Still, some things need to be done, or they just sit inside us and fester.” Then he quietly gets up and follows my mom out of the room.

“Fuck,” Luka mutters.

I see my worry reflected on his face. “That about sums it up,” I agree, wishing I had a magic answer for all of us.

I don’t.

44

LUKA

Present:

“Lo’, you’ve got to quit worrying. It’s going to go fine,” I answer into the phone.

“I should be there with you!” she whines, but she sounds horrible. River came home with a stomach virus a few days ago, and Petal managed to pick it up, too. I left her at her mother’s house this morning—in bed with a temperature of one hundred and two.

“There’s no point. It’s a set hearing, honey. The Commonwealth has suggested all charges be dropped if I agree to six months of probation and mandatory anger management classes. I’ll show up, agree, and then be home to feed you chicken soup for supper.”

“Ugh, Luka. Don’t mention food. It pisses me off that you’re agreeing to this stuff! You didn’t do anything wrong! We should be pressing charges against your father!”

“Lo’, I did hit him and threaten him. I can’t lie about that under oath, and I won’t. The way I look at it, if this gets rid of him and your mother doesn’t try to get involved, it’s worth it.”

“I still don’t like it,” she mumbles.

“Duly noted.” I laugh because she sounds like a child pouting. “I just pulled into our driveway. I’m going to go in and get changed into my suit and head out. I’ll be back soon.”

“Be careful, please? I don’t like you not having someone watching your back.” She sighs. “I can’t believe I got sick!”

“Will you stop worrying? We haven’t heard from my father in a month. There’s not much he can do, honey. It’s all finished now.”

“Tell that to Black. He still hasn’t been called back to work.”

“That’s because of the IAB investigation. The wheels of justice turn slow, Lo’—but they do turn,” I assure her, and for the most part, I believe it. I am becoming more than a little bit jaded about the system lately, however.

“Just watch your back. Please?”

“I’ll watch my back,” I promise her. “Besides, Ida Sue, Jansen, and Black are all going to meet me at the courthouse. It’s not like I’ll be alone.”

“Yeah, I know. I just wish I was going to be there,” she says with a sigh, disgusted.

“Just get better. It seems like forever since I’ve been inside you.”

“Trust me, Luka, I know. I miss you. I just… Mom’s house—you know?”

“Yeah, honey. I get it. That’s another thing that’s changing after the hearing today. We’re moving back home. I wanted to earlier, but your mother convinced me it would be safer to wait until the threat of jail was gone from over my head. She worried my father might try to pull something else.”

I push the key into the lock, and it doesn’t want to turn. I have to jiggle it a little bit to finally get it to work.

“And she was right. Ugh, I’ve got to go, Luka. Time for my every-fifteen-minute-run to the bathroom.”

“Too much information, Lo’. Damn, the romance is gone from our relationship.”

“It so is,” she cries mournfully.

“We’ll get it back,” I laugh. “Love you, Lo’.”

“Love you too, Luka,” she whispers before hanging up. I smile. I’ll never get tired of hearing that.

I hit the button on my phone and step into the house. I’ve missed this place. I can’t wait until finally Lo’ and I can move in here together and live with our son… the way we were always meant to be. It’s been a fucking long road, but I think I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. I reach up and turn on the light. The switch clicks, but the light doesn’t come on. The bulb must be blown. I walk into the bedroom wanting to hurry and get this done.

I just cross the threshold when I hear a sound behind me. I turn to see what it is, but before I can, something heavy comes crashing down on the side of my head. I fall down like a rock. There’s a ringing in my ears and everything is fading away, colors slowly leaking into grays and blacks. I’m going under, and I know I am. I try to force my eyes to focus, but the world is swimming in front of me.

“You shouldn’t have fucked with me.”

I hear the voice over me, but I can’t see who it is. I try to shake myself, to be able to defend myself. I think I see a flash of metal. Fuck. Is it someone I’ve arrested in the past? Are they going to kill me? Is that a gun? Is this how it ends?

Am I about to lose everything just when I finally have everything I’ve ever wanted?

All those questions bombard me at once. I wait for the gunshot, but it doesn’t come. Instead I feel something fall on my chest. The man kicks me and shoves me to my side, and I feel him fish in my back pocket for my billfold. Is he robbing me? Is that what this is about?

Then I know I’m done. Blackness begins to swallow me. I picture Petal’s face in my mind and allow it to take me—praying that I wake up.

45

IDA SUE

Present:

“What do you mean my son-in-law’s nowhere to be found?” I ask the lawyer again.

I don’t believe this shit. We’re all here for Luka’s court hearing—all but Luka himself. He was supposed to be here two hours ago. He’s yet to show. I didn’t get worried at first, but the more time that goes by, the more my anxiety does, too. There’s something going on here, and it’s definitely something I don’t like.

“Just what I said. The judge has sent cops out to Luka’s home to bring him in. They already went to your house. Cyan let them search, and he was nowhere to be found,” the lawyer explains, his beady little eyes giving me the creeps. I hate lawyers. I’ve never trusted any of them—even the one I hired to help me. Something about this guy sets off even more warning bells than normal, however.

“I already told you he wasn’t there. Christ! I swear the people in charge of this town all have shit for brains,” I complain.

I spend the next fifteen minutes doing my best to calm down Lotus Petal on the phone. I don’t really succeed, but I manage to keep her home for a little while longer. That’s a miracle in and of itself, but I think it has more to do with being glued to the toilet than my powers of persuasion. The doors to the courtroom open just as I’m starting to pace back and forth like a dog walking the fence and looking for a place to find freedom.

Cops come in, and my boy Black is close behind them. There is no Luka, however. I watch as they march by me, going straight to the judge’s chambers.

“I’ll go see what’s going on,” Luka’s lawyer tells me, and I wish I held out hope it was good news. I don’t. I also have zero confidence that the snake in the grass that is supposed to be helping Luka will actually do so.

“What’s happening?” I ask Black when we’re finally alone. Jansen wraps his hands on each of my shoulders, standing close behind me for moral support. He’s a good man. I wish I could go back and have met him sooner.

“It’s not good, Mom,” he says, raking his hand across the side of his face in irritation.

“Well, I didn’t figure you were coming in here to spout horseshit and grow daisies. What’s going on?”

“Luka was nowhere to be found.”

“What’s that mean?”

“That’s just it. I don’t know. His closets were cleaned out. There were papers on the floor about closing out his bank accounts, and there were receipts for purchased plane tickets to Mexico.”

“You think he’s skipped out on bail?” Jansen asks.

“Bullshit,” I growl. “I’ve come to realize a few things over this past month, and by some miracle, Roger Parish’s blood didn’t destroy Luka. He seems to be a good man, and there’s no way he would just up and leave my daughter and their son. Not on some trumped-up charge that he would spend very little jail time for, even if he was found guilty.”

“I agree with you, but someone is trying very hard to make it look like he’s doing exactly that, and they’ve gone to a lot of trouble to do it,” Black says.

“His father,” Lotus Petal says, walking in and looking like one of those fucking zombies on that TV show that Cyan never misses.

“I thought I told you to keep your ass in bed!” I mutter.

“I was already in the car and driving when we were talking.”

“You look like fucking hell, sis,” Black says.

“Thanks. So what do we do? I need my husband found.”

“I’m positive the cops will be hunting for him, and there will be an APB out on him for sure,” Black tells her with a sigh.

“Will these be the same cops who turned their backs on Luka when he needed him and the state ones that our resident mayor have under their thumb?” Petal mumbles the question while letting the wall hold her up.

“Afraid so,” Black agrees.

“Which means they are going to be about as useful at tits on a boar hog.”

We all look up as the judge comes out. The bailiff calls us all to order and slams his gavel on his desk.

“In light of the new evidence, this court has no recourse other than to issue an arrest warrant for Luka Parish. Previous bail has been revoked.”

“Fucking hell,” Jansen growls behind me.

“Luka’s father is behind this, Mom. Luka would never put your farm in jeopardy, and he would die before he would leave me and River behind,” Lotus Petal cries. “I’m going to kill him.”

“Not if I beat you to it,” I answer, but I’m already heading out of the courtroom.

“Where are you going?”

“It’s time to stop pussyfooting around and fight fire with fire,” I answer. I put things off and I shouldn’t have. That’s not who I am now. I’m not some scared sixteen-year-old girl who thinks she has the world figured out—then gets attacked by a monster who proves she doesn’t have it figured out. It’s about time I remember that. Roger Parish thinks he can mess with my family? He thinks he can knock me down again? This time, he better knock me down a lot harder than he did before, and he better damned well pray once he does that I don’t get back up.

Because if I do, there won’t be a person on the face of the Earth who can save him.

46

IDA SUE

Present:

“I’m sorry, sir. She refused to stay outside,” Roger Parish’s secretary says once I push my way inside. Jansen is behind me. I’m surprised he’s allowing me to take the lead here, but he is. Maybe he understands this is something I need to do. He’s always let me spread my wings and be who I am, but he’s always had my back, too. It’s just one of the many reasons I love him like I do.

“Well, look what dragged herself out of the gutter to come visit,” says Roger at his desk. “Sorry, Peace Lily, my days of slumming are over. Besides, I like my women younger now.”

“You always did. But then I know that better than anyone, don’t I, Roger?”

His face tightens and goes red with anger. “You need to leave before I have you thrown in jail with that no good son of mine.”

“I take it you haven’t heard your son has gone missing?” I ask him.

He looks up at me, his gaze locks with mine, and the one thing I notice above anything else is that there’s not an ounce of surprise on his face.

“Maybe he finally got wise and untangled himself from that piece of—”

“Before you say something to insult my daughter, I feel it only fair to warn you that I have a 22 pistol in this purse I’m carrying. I have it aimed right at your balls, and I have an itchy trigger finger.”

“You’re lying. There are metal detectors,” he states, but I can see the worry on his face.

“Try me. Now I suggest you tell your secretary here to leave.”

“I—”

“Unless you would rather she hear everything we have to discuss. She might enjoy hearing about the latest visit I had with my attorney.”

“I can’t for the life of me imagine why.” The asshole smirks at me as if he doesn’t have a care in the world.

“She might find it interesting. I sure did, and I already knew the beginning of the story. I’ll be glad to tell her though,” I hedge, waiting to see if he takes the bait.

“Abigail, leave,” he barks.

I don’t smile. This is just phase one of my plan. I have to keep a clear head here if I’m going to get victory over Roger Parish once and for all… and I have to. It’s more important now than it ever was.

“Sir?”

“I said leave!” He yells the order. “And see to it I’m not disturbed!”

“Yes, sir,” the secretary says nervously, then quickly leaves the room.

For a minute, none of us say anything. I can’t be sure what Jansen is doing because I don’t want to take my eyes away from Roger. The quickest way to end up dead is to turn your attention away from an enemy when they’re ready to go for the kill shot. I can’t give him the opportunity.

“Alright, Lily love, why don’t we cut the bullshit and you tell me why you’re here?” he prompts me, as if he doesn’t have a care in the world nor any idea why I would show up here.

His use of my old name makes me sick to my stomach. He’s one of the main reasons I went back to the legal name my grandparents made sure was on my birth certificate. The memory of him groaning out the name I once loved as he violated me will haunt me the rest of my life. Ida Sue more than suits me now. His use of that name is what spurs me into action like nothing else could. I forget my nerves and focus on the hate and the need for this meeting. I pull my gun all the way out of my purse, letting the purse fall to the sofa beside me.

“Call me that again, Roger, and I’ll turn you from stud to a gelding so fast you won’t have time to blink.”

“Always so crass. I’m suddenly remembering why I liked to stuff other things into that mouth of yours. Do you remember that, Lily?”

“Lovey—” Jansen growls warningly. It’s killing him not to end Roger Parish right now, and I really wish I could let him. But that’s not what makes the most sense right now.

“Not right now, honey,” I tell him, keeping my gun and eyes trained on Roger.

“Is that the kind of men you prefer now, Lily? Ones you can lead around by their… nose?”

“Enough small talk, Roger. You know why I’m here. I don’t know what you’ve done with Luka, but I want him found. I want him back on my farm, and I want every charge you’ve trumped up against him dropped.”

“Since when has my son became any concern of yours?”

“Since the moment I decided that somehow the good Lord saw fit that Luka turn out to be a good man despite the rooster who spawned him.”

“He’s nothing but a disappointment.” Roger shrugs.

“That’s what you would see. You don’t need to worry about him anymore, though, because I’ve decided to adopt him as one of mine, and you’ll never get the chance to be around him ever again.”

“Whatever. I grow tired of your games, Lily. I don’t know where Luka is, and even if I did, why would I do one thing you’ve asked?”

“Because if you don’t, you will find the state police at your office door in the morning with a warrant for your arrest,” I answer.

He tries to hide it, but I see the exact moment uncertainty flashes on his face. For the first time since I came up with this damned plan, I breathe just a little bit easier.

“How could you possibly arrange that?”

“After visiting with my lawyer, I found out something very interesting.”

“I can’t imagine what it would be,” he says, trying to sound bored.

“Most things in law, you have a statute of limitations. Were you aware of that?”

“Please, don’t try to school me when it comes to the law, Lily. I’m the one with degrees.”

“True, you always did have all kinds of book sense, just not a load of common sense. But just to hurry this along…”

“I would appreciate that.”

“Mostly because I’m starting to smell you and remember how sick that makes me,” I add, and I can see he doesn’t like my insult. His hand visibly shakes with the need to slap me. I see it, but somehow he resists, which is a shame. If he had hit me, maybe my finger would have slipped off the trigger. The 22 pistol is not ideal, and was almost too long to fit in my purse. A smaller gun would have been more ideal but is nowhere near as comfortable in my hand.

“Get on with it, Lily. I’m growing bored.”

“Turns out, for sexual assault—rape—there’s no statute of limitations. I could have you arrested today or twenty years from now. Time is irrelevant.”

“You’re forgetting one thing, Lily.”

“What would that be?”

“You have to prove you were raped.”

“I don’t think that will be a problem.”

“Are you kidding me? Really, Lily, if you’re going to come at me, at least make it sporting. It’s been, what… thirty years? You really think you can cry rape after all this time? You’re even more pathetic than I thought you were.”

“You convinced me all those years ago no one would listen to me. Remember, Roger? How you lorded over the fact that you had money and breeding and I was just a whore people made fun of?”

“I remember every delicious detail, Lily. I relive it and jack off to it sometimes when I’m bored. Does that make you feel better? To know I haven’t forgotten you? I’ve even thought of giving your daughter a whirl. If I close my eyes, I’ll imagine she’s you back before gravity and age destroyed your body.”

“Lovey, I’m about done staying silent,” warns Jansen.

“I was sixteen and scared,” I continue, “but you left a trail, Roger. Some girls even thought they could fight you. Do you remember Starla? Or the butcher’s daughter Lana?”

That question stops the sneering look of control and victory on his face cold. I even think I see a flash of fear, and it’s funny how that one look on his face can empower me, but it does. I’ve spent my life trying to ingrain it into my kids that you let no one hold you down or make you feel powerless. It’s time I take those lessons to heart.

“Bitches who go snooping where they don’t belong have a strange way of ending up dead, Lily.”

“Like Lana did? The police never did find out who hit her that night or what she was doing out on old Mill Pond Road, did they? But then, there was talk the county dropped the investigation because of pressure from higher up. Strange, right?”

“It was an unfortunate accident, and one the county couldn’t afford to waste more resources on. You should learn from Lana’s mistakes and not do stupid things. Never know what might happen.” There’s so much hate on Roger’s face, it’s coming off of him in waves now—but oddly enough, the old fear I had where he was concerned seems to be missing.

“Why, Roger, that sounded like a threat.”

“Maybe just a friendly warning,” he shrugs.

“Then maybe you can say it a little louder so Jansen’s device can record it again. You know, just so I can replay it later.”

“His… You, bitch!”

“Sticks and stones.” I shrug, backing away and picking my purse up as I go, holding my gun on him so he doesn’t move. “You have until ten in the morning to have the charges dropped, and Luka better show up unharmed or trust me when I tell you, Roger, it is you who will regret it.”

“I—”

“I’m not the scared little girl I used to be. Not by a longshot. You don’t believe me, you go ahead and try me,” I warn him. “Jansen, let’s go.”

“You’re done now?” Jansen asks patiently, dropping the recording device into my purse.

“More than done,” I tell him, just anxious to leave now and try and find clean air to breathe in. This air around Roger Parish feels like anything but clean.

“That makes one of us,” he growls, and before I can ask him not to, before I can even blink, he’s on Roger and is slamming his fists into him repeatedly. I think Roger tries to fight back, but he’s not a match for Jansen—he’s not even close. Jansen delivers body blow after body blow, and I’m watching, but I don’t know what to say. I don’t ask him to stop, and maybe that makes me a bad guy, but I’m enjoying it. Every hit Jansen delivers feels like vindication. Eventually, Jansen stops when Roger is barely moving and covered in his own blood with his face swollen. He’s breathing as if he has broken ribs. He probably does.

I take a few steps to look at Jansen who is standing over Roger—who happens to be a crumpled mess on the floor. Jansen is breathing hard. The only blood on him is from his knuckles, which are a little raw from delivering blow after blow to Roger.

“You’re ready now?” I ask. I love Jansen like I’ve never loved anyone in my life. I’ve always wanted him, but right now, I’m pretty sure he’s the only man on the planet in my mind. He’s everything.

“I’m ready. Let’s go home, Lovey,” he says, putting his hand at the small of my back to try and turn me towards the door. I resist, but only so I can spit on the lump of crap that is Roger Parish.

“I’ll expect my wishes carried out by ten tomorrow morning. If they’re not, I’ve already left instructions with my attorney,” I tell him again before turning to leave.

I’m prepared to call him out with my threats. I just hope like hell that Luka is back in the morning and I don’t have to.

47

LUKA

Present:

“I always knew you had a hard head,” Ida Sue says, bringing me some more tea. The shit is horrible, but she swears it will take away the pain in my head.

“Funny,” I mutter, and it hurts to talk that much. I take the tea, my hands so fucking weak that it’s embarrassing.

“Here’s the pain pill the doctor prescribed,” Petal says, coming in behind her mom. She looks so scattered with dark circles under her eyes, and she’s still pale from being sick. All that, and she’s still the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen in my life.

“Well, it looks like you have two of the prettiest nurses around,” Jansen says as he comes in, too. I wince because his voice is loud and booming.

I don’t really know what happened to me after I was attacked at the house. I went down, and when everything faded, the next thing I knew I was tied up in an old abandoned Bi Rite grocery store. I kept waiting for someone to show up, but no one did until Daniel and a couple others from the Sheriff’s office showed up to free me. Daniel said he was working on an anonymous tip. After hearing from Petal how her mother confronted my father and remembering the voice above me just before the world went black… I can pretty much piece it all together. I just wish I couldn’t. No one wants to admit their own father is a fucked-up asshole who deserves to hang. I’m not sure how I feel about it all, and I know someday that my father and I will have to square off. If I get my job as sheriff back, I will make it my mission to pin him to the wall. All of that can wait for now. Right now, just holding my dick to piss takes major effort.

“Damn, Luka, you look like you got the wrong end of a grizzly bear,” White says, coming in Petal’s bedroom, which once felt large, but with everyone in here, it’s starting to feel small and in need of oxygen.

“Is there a right end?” Petal asks dryly. I almost want to smile, but it just hurts too much.

“Good point. You always were the wise sister,” White jokes.

“I heard that!” Maggie says on her way in. I try not to groan, but the noise and all of the action is slowly getting to me. Oddly enough, it’s my mother-in-law who comes to my rescue… again.

“Okay, we’re wearing the poor boy out. Let’s all head out to the kitchen.”

“I made jelly rolls!” Maggie announces.

“Oh, God,” White whimpers, holding his stomach.

“I have cereal,” Ida Sue says, gathering everyone up and heading them out of the room.

“You guys never want to eat what I cook. I swear I’m getting better!”

“I’m sure you are, Magnolia,” Ida Sue mutters with a smirk, looking over her shoulder at me and Petal. “She’s not,” she mouths, and that does make me smile.

“I told you never to call me that! I hate that name.”

“Oh, stop whining! At least I didn’t name you Magnolia Outhouse!”

“Oh my God! Are you saying I was conceived in an outhouse?!”

“I’m not saying you weren’t,” Ida Sue answers. She turns around, winks at us, then closes the door, muffling Maggie’s screams. Thankfully.

“Your family really is crazy, Lo’.”

“Yeah, but they’re a good kind of crazy.” She laughs, helping me to take the medicine the doctor prescribed. She has to take the tea away from me, and once I get the pill swallowed, I fall back against the pillow—weak as a kitten.

“True. At least you don’t have someone who rapes, kidnaps, and—possibly worse—lurking in your family tree,” I answer dejectedly.

“Oh, Luka. Sweetheart, I didn’t mean that,” Petal whispers, kissing the knot that’s still swollen on the side of my head—one probably put there by my own father. Realistically, I know he did; I just can’t make myself admit it completely yet. That might make me weak, but it’s there just the same.

“I know you didn’t, Lo’. It’s just the truth. I’m so sorry I exposed you to a man like that—you and River. I wish I had gotten my head out of my ass sooner.”

“To be fair, you have a cute ass. It’s hard for me to pull away from it myself.”

“God. I can’t believe you went there,” I laugh weakly. “I hate to say this, Lo’, but I think everyone is right. You are like your mother, more and more every day.”

“There are worse things. I’m starting to gain a new respect for my mother.” She leans from her chair, stretching against the bed and my torso to brush some of my hair from my face.

“I am, too. She’s quite a woman. And she has one hell of a daughter.”

“Maggie’s not too bad.”

“Brat. You know what I meant.”

She moves so she can lean a little farther and kiss me softly on the lips. I take the kiss, her taste and touch comforting me like nothing else can—except the words she gives me next.

“I love you, Luka.”

“I love you too, Lo’, so much it hurts.”

“No more hurting. We’ve had enough of that.”

“My father is still out there running free,” I whisper, hating him more than I could even begin to explain.

“You’ll take care of him too, eventually.”

“I will,” I vow. It won’t be easy, but I won’t let what he’s done go unpunished. Hopefully I will be able to do it as Sheriff of Mason, but if not, I’ll find other ways.

“Don’t worry about it right now. We’ll deal with it after you get healthy. I want you to rest. I have to go to River’s school. He’s getting an award today for his letters and colors.”

“Damn it. I should be there. I could—”

“No, you couldn’t. You’re going to lay right there and do nothing Luka Parish, or I swear I’ll tie you to this bed!”

“Damn, Lo’. I didn’t realize your tastes were that kinky. If you wait until I’m better, I might be able to work that out for you—but I’m thinking you will be the one tied to the bed.”

“We’ll negotiate after you get better.” She smiles, her face blushing slightly. She stands up and bends down to give me another kiss. “Please rest, sweetheart. I need you healthy.”

“I will. Have I told you how much I love you, Lotus Petal Parish?”

“I still hate when you use my full name, but you’re forgiven this time. See you in a little while.”

I watch her leave, and something shifts inside of me. Despite the anger, hurt, and hate boiling inside of me because of my father, right now I feel happiness and love. I have Petal back, and I have my family back.

That’s all I need.

48

PETAL

Present:

“Why, Ms. Lucas, what are you doing here?”

I look up at Ms. Selfmore as I walk through the front door. I had hoped I would get out of here before having to deal with her. Next year, River will be going to a new school, one where Maggie can help watch over him and let me know how he’s doing. Definitely not where this battle axe is over him. The more I see of her, the more I dislike her. She’s had it in for my family ever since Maggie applied for this job. Obviously she didn’t get it, but for some reason, the fact that she even tried has made Ms. Selfmore impossible to deal with. I can’t believe the board was stupid enough to pass on Maggie and give the position to her. I know Maggie is younger than they like, but she’s more than qualified. She also relates to people and kids more than this woman ever could.

“My son is getting ribbons for most improved student today and for moving forward into another grade next year, Ms. Selfmore. Where else would I be?”

“But your son isn’t taking part in the awards ceremony!” she says, her face crinkling up. She really should moisturize. However, my anger is about to rival anything my mother could put out.

“Why the hell isn’t River taking part? Listen, I know you, and I have had our issues in the past, but if you do anything—”

“Ms. Lucas—”

“It’s Parish!” I growl. “It’s not that hard. My name is Parish, the same as my child and his father. Now as I was saying, River has worked hard to earn this recognition, and if you don’t allow him to take part in the award—”

“You don’t understand, Ms. Lu—Parish. River’s not taking part because he was picked up early.”

“You’re obviously mistaken. I just got here to see River, and his father is home recovering from an accident. No one else has permission to pick up my child except my mother and sister—both of whom I just left.”

“No. River’s grandfather picked him up about thirty minutes ago.”

Her words make my heart freeze in my chest and absolute terror runs through me.

“What did you say?” I ask, the words heavy on my tongue because it feels like I have no breath. I’m scared to death. This can’t be real. It can’t be.

“Mayor Parish picked River up—”

“How could you let that man take my child!?!?” I scream, the words feeling as if they were ripped from my very soul.

“He’s the child’s grandfather,” she says nervously, her face etched with worry.

She should worry. She should fucking be scared for her life, because right now, I want to wrap my hands around her throat and squeeze.

“He’s not on the pick-up list!”

“But Ms. Pa… Parish, he’s the child’s grandfather and the town Mayor. Surely—”

“Surely you’re insane, you fucking bitch! You knew! I’ve told you he’s to have no access to River! I’ll have your job for this! And if my child is hurt in any way, you better run and you better hide, because let me tell you, if something happens to River because of your incompetence, there won’t be a rock big enough for you to crawl under!”

I’m screaming so loud now, we have a crowd gathered around us. Ms. Selfmore has gone white. She should be terrified because I’m not giving her empty threats. My hands are shaking. I need to call the police, but on instinct, I call Luka.

“Lo’? You okay, sweetheart? I thought you were going to River’s school and—”

“Luka!” I cry, and the tears hit me then. I’m ready to crumble, and now that I have Luka’s voice in my ear, I can’t hold it together anymore.

“What’s wrong, Lo’? Talk to me.”

“River. He’s not here. He’s gone!”

“Gone? Honey, calm down. It’s hard to understand you over the tears. Where is River?”

“Your father, Luka. Your father signed him out. They let him take our son.”

“I’ll be right there, Lo’. I’m calling Daniel and Black is with me now. We’ll be there in just a bit. Hold on, honey. It will be okay.”

“I’ll hold on,” I tell him, but all I can see is my son with his beautiful blue eyes. I’m scared to death he’s hurt, and I can’t get to him. Does he even know what’s going on?

“I’ll be right there, Lo’,” Luka says.

Somewhere in the back of my mind, I worry, because Luka should be in bed, but the terror for my son overtakes that.

“Please let my son be okay,” I whimper looking up towards the heavens. “Please let him be okay.”

49

LUKA

Present:

“Luka, man. You need sit down before you fall down.”

“I need my son found!” I growl.

We’re at the sheriff’s office. Daniel and Black are working together to try and find River. We’ve put out an APB, we’ve contacted every county close to us, and we’ve alerted all bus stations, taxi services, and airports anywhere near Mason. Still, not one report has come in. I’ve put up a reward for information, and gave all the physical details I can of my father and his vehicles. All of that has been done, and still, there’s nothing to go on. Petal is so upset. She’s a mess. She doesn’t blame me, but fuck… I blame me.

“We’re doing everything possible, man. Something will break soon,” Black says, and I know logically he’s right, but I can’t sit here and wait. It’s driving me crazy.

“I’m going to go drive in the direction my father’s car was last seen. Maybe I can catch up to him,” I tell him, looking across the room at Petal and hating to leave her, but knowing I have to do something or I truly will go insane.

“You’re not able to drive. You get behind the wheel and you’re liable to kill yourself.”

“I’m going, Black,” I tell him, ignoring his concern. I walk towards Petal. Her big blue eyes look up at me with a moment of hope. I see the moment she realizes I have nothing new to tell her. She curls into her mom, who hugs her close as fresh tears wash over her face.

“Lo’, honey. I’m going to go out and try and see if I can find my father’s vehicle on my own. I’ll have my phone and a police radio with me. The minute—”

“Luka, you can’t drive,” she whispers.

“I’ll be driving him,” says Black. “I’ll keep him safe, sis, and I’m going to make sure he and little River come back to you.”

I don’t argue. Honestly at this point, I’d feel better if someone else was driving. I feel like hell, but there’s no way I’m not going to be here trying to do everything I can to get my son back.

I bend down, putting a hand on each of Petal’s knees.

“I love you, Lo’. I promise you, I’m going to bring our son home,” I vow to her, and one way or another, I will find a way to do that.

“I know you will,” she whispers through her fear, doing her best to give me encouragement. I kiss her forehead, get to my feet, and then look back at Black. “Let’s go if you’re going.”

“Luka, man, I know you’re upset, but this driving around in circles isn’t helping,” Black says.

He’s probably right. We’ve seen nothing in the forty minutes or so that we’ve been out here. I foolishly was hoping I’d find my father right away, like I would be able to tap into some sixth sense and find him where others have failed. That’s not the case—not even close.

“I know man,” I sigh out, defeated. “I just really can’t sit and do nothing. It’s killing me. I have to find my son. I have to,” I tell him, and I know he can hear the desperation in my voice.

“Okay, so where else do you think he would go? Does he have hotels or a second home he goes where he—”

“Rapes other women?”

“Luka, man. That’s not—”

“God, I can’t believe I’ve been so blind.”

“You are not your father. You’re nowhere close to the man he is.”

“He’s not a man,” I bark, my fist punching into the dash.

“He’s not, but you are. You have shit to prove, man.”

“Tell that to your sister. I allowed him to hurt Lo’, and I reacted like it was her fault. I let the man into River’s life!”

“Man. He’s your father. You knew he could be a dick, but come on. No one wants to admit that the man who raised them is about three bricks shy of a load.”

“I just want to find my son. I want to find my son, bring him home to my wife, and put the past behind us.”

“Technically she’s not your wife now.”

“She never stopped.”

“I’m just saying, you might want to put a ring on it someday soon.”

“I plan on it. If she’ll still have me.”

“She’s been in love with you her entire life. You know that.”

“Will she still love me if I’m the reason we lose our child?”

“Luka. You can’t think like that. You have to remain positive. I can’t see him purposely hurting River. He’s done this to get back at you, Petal, and Mom. He wouldn’t hurt an innocent child.”

“That’s what your mother was,” I answer, looking out the window.

That’s when I see him. My father gets inside an old, red Ford Explorer in front of a Speedway gas station. Through the passenger window of the vehicle, I can see a splash of bright blond hair.

River!

“Luka, we’ve crossed over into Carter that’s more than ten miles outside of Mason. I think maybe it’s time to—”

“Black! Over there in the parking lot. That Explorer that’s pulling out! That’s my father!”

“What? Are you sure?” he asks, the vehicle swerving hard into another lane as he tries to get into the turning lane.

“Positive!” I yell, flipping the switch that turns on the siren. I grab the radio and key up the mic. “This is Luka. We found the suspect in Carter in front of the Speedway on First and Lime Street. Send backup. The child was spotted in the vehicle. Approach with care and make sure you let my wife know what’s going on.”

“Roger that, sheriff,” Tani comes back over the speaker. She’s been really good to Petal through this. I hate that there’s a new tension between any of us. I’ve seen the way she keeps eyeing Blue though, so maybe…

“Luka.”

“Yeah, I see him,” I answer Black before he can finish. My father is driving into a one-way traffic street—the wrong way—and at a crazy speed.

“I’m going to cut across Caroline and try to get to Main before he reaches it,” Black explains.

I hate it. I don’t want River out of my sight for even a second, but Black is right; that makes the most sense.

We get to Main Street within just a few minutes, but they’re the longest minutes of my life. I’m pretty sure I hear more sirens behind us. I don’t look back to confirm. I figure it’s the state police that Tani would have notified. We get to Main just as my father swerves out onto the main drag—and not quick enough to block him off. Black pushes down on the accelerator as we follow my father out onto the main highway. I breathe a little easier because less vehicles on the road makes things easier to maneuver. The drawback to that is the increased speed, however. My father doesn’t even blink, and I know he has to be traveling over one hundred miles per hour.

My damned heart is in my chest as we follow him. In my head, I’m sending up prayer after prayer, and I just hope the man upstairs is listening.

That’s when it happens. Ahead of us is a road block. I see the spikes laid out on the road and a barricade of at least ten other cars crossed behind those. My father is trapped. He slows down enough so that Black can go into another lane, keeping him from trying to make a U-turn and go back the way he came. I roll my window down and motion for my father to pull over. The asshole looks at me, and finally I see the madness in his eyes that he’s kept hidden. He flips me off, then cuts his vehicle towards the guardrail on the opposite side of his car. He somehow avoids hitting it, and instead weaves down the grassy embankment where there is a small opening between a mountain and the guardrail. I don’t understand what he’s doing until I see it. Middlefork River. The name freezes on my lips as I see the Explorer my father is driving jumping up off an incline and then plummeting nose-first into the river.

50

PETAL

Present:

The moment Luka radioed in, I was on the move. Mom and Jansen loaded me into their truck, and we took off. It seemed to take forever before we caught up with the others. I don’t know who Jansen was talking to on his phone, and I didn’t really care. All that mattered was he got me to where my son and Luka were in record time.

What I didn’t know and didn’t understand until we pulled up was what I would find. We weaved through the crowd of people and policemen. Somewhere in my mind, I thought I would find Luka holding our son and his father in handcuffs. Instead, I didn’t see them at all. I heard them talking about an ambulance being just a few minutes out and a bigger crowd across the road than at the actual barricade.

That’s when I start to hear what everyone was saying. That’s when reality hits me.

My son was in a vehicle that dove into the river.

I scream out River’s name, and I begin to run. I ran so hard that everything around me was a blur. I didn’t stop until I got to the river’s edge. Men were standing around, but on the ground were the two people that are the most important people in my world.

A drenched Luka is leaning over our son—our son who is just as wet, but who is not moving.

“Oh God. No!” I cry, feeling like I’m dying.

Black wraps me up in his arms, but I pull away from him, going to my knees beside my child. Luka is administering CPR, and I do nothing to interfere. I’m lost in grief, but I know if anyone can save our child, it would be Luka.

I watch helplessly as he blows life-giving air into River’s mouth. I immediately take over the chest compressions he was doing, letting him concentrate on what he needs to while I take over what I can. From the moment I found out I was pregnant, I hounded Luka to do a CPR class and teach me everything I needed to know to help our child in an emergency. He used to think I was insane, but I was terrified of SIDS or anything else that might take my child from me. I’m thankful, because now I know exactly what to do.

Luka and I work together to bring our son back. We work together seamlessly, and I fight away the panic. I have to.

Then it happens: River coughs. He coughs!

I’ve never heard a sound more beautiful in my entire life. My hands freeze as Luka turns him and River begins vomiting up water from his lungs. Luka pulls him up, holding him close. Someone brings a blanket over, and they pull it around Luka and River. Luka’s deep, emotional gaze finds mine, tears and water mixing on his face and running down his cheeks unashamedly as River cries.

“You’re okay, son,” he says, calming our child. He reaches out an arm to me, and I fall against my family, crying too. “We’re okay, now. We’re all okay,” Luka whispers, and I have no idea if he’s saying that to our son, to me, or even to himself.

I just know I love the words.

51

LUKA

Present:

“Who was on the phone?” Petal asks, coming through to the living room. We’re finally home again. We’ve been living here together for the past week. Sometimes, it still feels like a dream. I’m living with my wife and son. I’m living with them out in the open, and we’re happy. My mother-in-law is even bringing me lunch to the station. If anyone had told me this would be my life a year ago—hell, even a month ago—I would have called them a liar.

I got my job back as sheriff. The only dark spot about that was Daniel resigning. He said he felt like he had let me down. I’ll admit, if the roles had been reversed, I may have handled things differently, but I didn’t harbor any grudges against him. Still, he moved to Oklahoma to take a position there, and it’s something he’s been wanting to do for a while. Of course, that leaves me with trying to find a deputy I can trust.

“That was my mother. She was asking if I was attending the memorial service for him.”

“Are you?”

“Lo’, why would you even ask me that?”

“Well, despite everything, Luka, he still is your father. You said yourself the man you discovered he is isn’t the man you remember growing up,” she reminds me softly, coming to stand next to me.

I wrap her in my arms. That’s my woman. She has every right to hate the man. Shit, she has every right to hate me for allowing him into our lives and for helping to destroy our relationship early on, and yet she doesn’t. She loves me. She loves me so deeply that I will never doubt it. It shows in everything she does. I don’t deserve her, but I sure as hell am going to do everything in my power to keep her and make sure she never regrets that love.

“He nearly cost me the two people I cherish most in the world. I have nothing left to say to my father.”

“If you’re sure. I just don’t want you to feel like you can’t go to say goodbye because of me.”

“I don’t, honey,” I tell her, sitting down on the sofa and pulling her into my arms.

“This is nice,” she whispers, laying her head on my shoulder. “I’m never taking this for granted.”

“What’s that?”

“This. You and me alone, loving each other. Our son asleep in his room, all of it. It’s a gift, and I’m never taking it for granted.”

“I know exactly what you mean. I have been thinking, though,” I tell her, kissing on her bare shoulder while lifting the spaghetti strap of her pajama top to kiss there, too.

“What about?” she whispers, wiggling in my lap.

I’m sure she can feel my hard cock pushing against her ass. Any more moving and this will be over much quicker than I want it to be.

“Our family is almost perfect,” I tell her, letting my tongue slide up to the side of her neck and raking my teeth across the tender skin.

“Almost?” she whispers.

“Mmm… hmm…” I moan in her ear as my hand captures her breast. “Only one more thing would make it really perfect.”

“What’s that?” she asks, her fingers pushing into my hair as she holds my head close.

“We need a little girl.”

“We… we do?” she asks, pulling back to look at me.

“River needs a little sister to look out for.”

“What are you saying, Luka?”

“That I have this deep need to see you pregnant with my child again, Lo’. There was too much in the way before. This time, everything will be different. I want another child with you. I want your stomach stretched,” I tell her softly, my hand gently squeezing her tit. “I want your breasts growing, filling with milk to nurture our child. I want to feel our child kick inside of you, I want all of that and more.”

“I don’t think I realized just how romantic you could be, Luka.”

“If it helps, I also want to relive how damned horny you get when you’re pregnant,” I tell her honestly, making her laugh.

“I’m not having another child with you unless we’re married, Luka.”

“Are you proposing to me, Lotus Petal?”

“Well, now that you mention it… I think I am.”

“Shouldn’t you be on your knees?”

“Are you serious?”

“I think that’s tradition. You don’t want to fuck with tradition, do you, Lo’?”

“You’re starting to annoy me, Luka Parish,” she sighs, but she slides down from my lap to get on her knees in front of me.

“Damn, but I like you in this position.”

“I can tell,” she notes, laughing and rolling her eyes as she looks at my cock, which is tenting my pajama pants.

“Since you’re down there…”

“Did you seriously just do this so you could get a blowjob?”

“Lotus Petal Parish! Just because your mind is in the gutter doesn’t mean mine is. I was just going to ask you if you could reach under the couch. Something keeps hitting my foot. It’s annoying me.”

“Are you for real?”

“Honey, it could be something dangerous. You know how River is always trying to put things in his mouth. He kind of reminds me of his mother,” I tell her with a wink.

“Keep it up, mister, and it will be a cold day in Hell before I put anything back in my—”

“In your what?” I ask, but she’s found the box I had hidden under the edge of the couch. She leans back on her heels holding the blue box with the ivory ribbon in the palm of one hand.

She stares at the box. “Luka?” Slowly she lifts her gaze to me. I bend down to take the top off of the box, revealing the ring underneath. It’s a beautifully cut diamond wedding ring, the diamonds make a heart and surround the biggest diamond in the center: a diamond that came from Petal’s original ring.

“Years ago, I asked this seventeen-year-old girl to marry me in the worst way possible. I loved her with all of my heart, but I lost sight of that. I allowed people to get in my head, and I held her mistakes against her, ignoring the ones I made.”

“That’s the diamond from my wedding ring. I recognize it… but how?”

“I never wanted our marriage to end. I never got rid of the ring, Lo’. Even when you gave it back to me, I held out hope that someday, you would wear it again. We may have been apart, Lo’, but it was always you for me. It will always be you for me.”

“Oh God, Luka,” she gasps, and she’s crying, but I’m thinking that it all means good things. There’s joy on her face.

I take the ring out and hold it out in front of her hand.

“Will you marry me one more time, Lo’? Will you marry me again—for the very last time?”

“Yes!” She cries as I slide the ring onto her finger.

I pull her back onto my lap, and she holds me close, hugging me tightly. Finally, everything is right in my world.

“I love you, Lo. I will love you until the day they put me in the ground.”

“I don’t think you’re supposed to put the ring on my finger until after a ceremony,” she says eventually, still in my lap, curled into me and staring down at the ring.

“That ring is not coming off your hand. I got you a new engagement ring. We can use that in the ceremony.”

“Isn’t that doing things a little backwards?”

“We’ve never done anything exactly the way it’s supposed to be, Lo’, and look where it’s led us,” I remind her.

“It has been a curvy road, for sure, to get to our happy ending.”

“Honey, it’s not an ending. It’s just a beginning.”

“That it is,” she agrees, and her lips find mine. The kiss is one of emotion, one filled with love, one filled with promises.

Promises that I will make sure I fulfill for the rest of my life.

The End

EPILOGUE

Petal

“Oh, God! I’m dying. I know I am,” I whimper.

“Stop that! You are not dying. You’re just a little green around the gills.”

“I’m dying!”

“Lotus Petal, if you don’t stop spouting that nonsense, I’m going to clobber you!”

“Clobber?”

“It seems more effective than spanking,” Mom says with a shrug.

“I can’t go out there and face everyone, Mom!”

“Of course you can! Why on Earth can’t you?”

“I just threw up!”

“So? People throw up all the time! Stop being dramatic!”

“I threw up on Luka after the preacher announced us man and wife!”

“It’s okay. I got a little sick myself at that part,” Mom says helpfully.

“Mother!” I cry, unable to believe her right now.

“What? I may like Luka now, but I don’t have to like his last name. I swear, I don’t see why he couldn’t have let me adopt him. He’d be so much better with the last name Lucas,” she grumbles. “Orange Lucas.”

“Orange?”

“For the color of his prison uniform! What do you think?”

“I think you might really be insane, and besides you couldn’t have adopted him,” I sigh, having had this conversation with my mother at least a hundred times—at least it feels like that many.

“Of course I could have! Why do you and Luka keep insisting on that?”

“Because he’s a grown man!”

“So it’s still perfectly acceptable. I checked into it—numerous times,” she huffs.

“Then you couldn’t have because it would have made Luka my brother! I can’t marry my brother!”

“He wouldn’t have been your brother, dear, at least not by blood. It would have been fine. They make made-for-TV movies about that sort of thing all the time.”

“Mom, please,” I whimper, holding my stomach.

“And you should see the romance novels about this kind of thing. I found this one book by an author… What was her name, again…?”

“Mother,” I sigh, knowing it won’t help at this point.

“She writes the naughtiest stories about stepbrothers and sisters. They’re very hot actually. Why can’t I remember her name??”

“Kill me now,” I plead, looking up at the sky for mercy. God doesn’t feel giving, though, because I’m not carried up into the clouds.

“Actually, if you think about it, having Luka as your stepbrother might have spiced up your sex life. There was this one scene involving butt plugs that looked like rainbow—”

“Oh, God, I’m going to be sick again,” I whine, then pull away from my crazy mother and lean over the commode, emptying what’s left of my stomach.

“Lo’, are you okay?” Luka cries, worry thick in his voice as he comes barging into the bathroom. He somehow manages to get around my whack-a-doo mother and holds my hair while I puke my guts out—literally.

“I’m dying.”

“We have to get you to the emergency room,” Luka insists, trying to gather me in his arms.

“She’s not dying,” my Mom interjects. “She’s being overly-dramatic. It’s a flaw she has. I think she got it from her father’s side. I can’t remember him that well, but he had that gift.”

I turn to face her just as she’s giving Luka a cool cloth for me. I’m grateful for it, so her act of kindness ruins my look of annoyance I give her.

“We need to have her checked out anyway. We can take my truck.”

“There’s no need, dear. Lotus Petal will be fine.”

“You can’t know that.”

“I’m not going to be fine. I just threw up on my husband! At our wedding!” I cry.

“Lo’ honey, calm down. That doesn’t matter. Let’s get you to the truck—”

“Oh, Lord in Heaven. Will you two cut it out? Lotus Petal is fine. She’s just pregnant.”

“She’s not… Wait… Lo’? Is she right? Are you pregnant?”

“I… don’t know? I could be? I haven’t really been keeping track.”

“Of course she is! You two have been going at it like rabbits. Besides, I’ve been making sure you drink the tea I make. What did you think was in that?”

“You said it was medicine to help with the migraines I’ve been getting,” Luka mutters. “Stuff tastes like shit, though.”

“Well, it does help with migraines, but its main purpose is to give some extra strength to your soldiers.”

“I… My… Lo’, did you know about this?”

“Of course not,” I whisper, but I’m holding my stomach. “I’m pregnant…?”

“Definitely,” Mom assures me with a grin.

“I’m going to be a dad again,” breathes Luka.

“And I’m going to be a mother,” I whisper back, barely noticing my mother leaving the room.

“Lo’. We’re getting our daughter.”

“It could be a boy,” I warn him.

“If it is, we’ll just keep trying,” he says with a smile.

“I’m sorry I threw up on you and ruined our wedding.”

“We’re man and wife. There’s not a thing ruined.”

“We’re man and wife,” I agree.

“Do you feel up to going outside to cut the cake?” he asks.

“I’d rather lie on the bed and just let you hold me until the room stops spinning,” I tell him honestly.

“Then that’s what we’ll do.” He takes me into his arms.

As we settle on the bed and his fingers play in my hair, I can feel my eyes grow heavy. I know I’m going to fall asleep. There’s just one thing I want to say before I do.

“Luka? Promise me no matter what happens in our lives together, you never ever get near me with butt plugs of any kind—especially rainbow-colored ones.”

“Now Lo’—”

“Promise me!”

“We’ll negotiate,” he says as I drift off. I realize I’m going to lose the negotiation, but that’s okay. I have a feeling it will be a good loss.

EPILOGUE

Luka

“Why are you in here alone at your wedding reception looking like you just lost your best friend?” Ida Sue asks as she comes into the kitchen.

Lo’ and I got married at the farm. It’s become a family tradition, and since I’ve been accepted into the fold, I wanted that almost as much as Lo’ did. I want family. I want tradition. I want things to pass along to my children. It’s just…

“I’m going to be a father again,” I tell Ida Sue.

“You can’t tell me you’re not happy about that. You’ve been nailing my daughter every chance you get.”

“I wouldn’t say—”

“I can’t even go to the restroom at the bowling alley without seeing the two of you there.”

“You really should have knocked before coming into that stall,” I tell her with a smile.

“You really should have locked the door. I even lock the door to the kitchen when Jansen and I decide to give our thanks to the Lord above on the table.”

“I really don’t think sex should be compared to praying.”

“Then maybe you aren’t doing it right, son. So tell me. What’s really going on in that head of yours?”

“Well, I mean, River’s a good kid. He takes after his mother, though. What if us having another child…?”

“It’s a little too late to worry about what you’re passing on to your child, Luka. Is that what this is all about? Are you afraid you have some kind of crazy gene from your father?”

I sigh, shaking my head.

“You really have ‘being blunt’ down to a lifestyle, Ida Sue,” I complain.

“I like people who are blunt. You never have to worry about what’s going on in their heads. And I’m about to be blunt again. Are you ready?”

“As ready as I’ll ever be,” I tell her honestly, almost afraid of what she has to say.

“I cornered the market on bad parents, Luka.”

“What? Now you’re talking crazy. Petal talks about her grandparents fondly.”

“That’s because they don’t really remember them, and I let them think all good things. That’s my way of protecting them. But let me ask you a question. What kind of parents allow their sixteen-year-old daughter to attend free love rallies?”

“I… well…”

“What kind of parents encourage their sixteen-year-old to take part in those rallies?”

“Ida Sue, I mean… but you did live that lifestyle,” I answer, trying to keep anything near condemnation out of my voice. I’m not condemning her in the least. I’ve come to admire my mother-in-law quite a bit.

“I did, eventually. But I didn’t before your father.”

“Fuck. Ida Sue…”

“That’s not said to make you feel guilty, sweetheart. I’m just saying parents are supposed to protect their children. My parents left me exposed. They let people think I was one type of girl, and they left me exposed to monsters… like your father who preyed on innocents.”

“I’m so sorry, Ida Sue.”

“That’s just it, Luka. You don’t have to be sorry. You didn’t do it. I survived, and I found a life for myself inside that commune for a while. I met men who made me realize that sex could be beautiful and that love wasn’t something I should be ashamed of. I found life in that commune.”

“I’m not sure I want to discuss my mother-in-law’s sex life—no offense.”

“None taken,” she says and laughs. “I’m just saying, good people grow from their life and the trials they’ve had. Bad ones just rot at their very core.”

“Okay.”

“You’re good people, Luka. I’m not my parents. I fight for my kids. I protect my kids, and I’m damned proud of them.”

“I can see that—”

“In the same way that you aren’t your father. You were barely able to stand, and yet you dove into that water to save your son. You did everything you had to do to protect him. You are a dad. A damned good one.”

I let her words wash over me. Somehow, they give me a peace like nothing else could have.

“I’m damned proud to have you as a son-in-law, Luka.”

“I feel the same about you, Ida Sue.”

“I still wish you’d let me adopt you, though. The Lucas name is a good one.”

“That it is. Maybe I can name my next son Lucas.”

“Or you could let me adopt you.” She shrugs, getting up.

“Ida Sue,” I begin, not sure what to say.

“Let’s just leave the offer on the table,” she winks.

“Luka?”

I look up as I hear Petal’s voice. She’s standing at the door looking sleepy and beautiful.

“Go claim your bride, son. If you need a bit of privacy, there’s a playhouse out front that works real well,” Ida Sue says with a smirk, slapping me on the shoulder before walking to Petal and kissing her gently on the forehead and then leaving the room.

I walk over to Petal, smiling, and for the first time since watching my father drive my son into the river, I feel free.

“Are you okay, Luka?”

“I’m better than okay,” I tell her completely truthfully. Then I pull her up in my arms carefully.

“What are you doing? I think you’re supposed to wait to carry me over the threshold until we’re actually at a threshold!” She laughs, linking her arms up around my neck.

“I was thinking you and I should go visit that playhouse out front while everyone else is partying.”

“The playhouse? The same playhouse my entire family abuse at every wedding this family has?”

“Traditions are important to uphold, Lo’. Very important.” I smirk walking toward the back door.

“Then lead the way, husband. I’m all yours.”

“I like the way that sounds,” I tell her. “And just so we’re clear, I’m all yours too, Lo’.”

“Never doubted it a second, Luka. You always have been. We were made for each other.”

I have the smartest wife ever.

Keep Reading for a special excerpt from my upcoming book: In Too Deep! Now available for preorder.

IN TOO DEEP EXCERPT

Hope

“Is this the only hotel in Clancy?”

I look up in shock at the door. I could have sworn I locked that door. It’s ten o’clock at night, and my brain is going in circles. I’ve watched enough true crime television to know leaving my door unlocked in the middle of the night is a recipe for disaster.

“I believe so, yes,” I answer, looking around the counter for a weapon. He doesn’t look like an axe murderer, but then again, I’m not sure what one would look like. He’s got a beard, some crazy looking tattoos on his arm, and he’s tall and wide—kind of like my cousin White who plays football, only a little more dangerous and less good ole boy from Texas.

I see a box of paperclips. Can you kill someone with paperclips? They’re the large ones, so maybe I could stab his eye out… God. I’m pathetic. What kind of idiot doesn’t have some kind of weapon in her desk?

“That’d be my luck,” he growls, and his growl does sound dangerous. I frantically look one last time for a weapon and finally decide on the stapler. I know it’s pitiful, but it’s all I have.

“Is there a problem?” I ask, trying to nonchalantly pick up the stapler in my hand and grip it.

“I have a reservation.” He sighs out the words like they’re being ripped from his soul and steeped with regret—which kind of pisses me off. I mean, the place doesn’t look great, but I’ve done a lot of work, and it’s not open for another two weeks—thanks to the electrical inspector.

“I’m sorry. I’m not open for two weeks. You must have the wrong place,” I tell him sweetly.

My grip has eased on the stapler a little. He’s probably not an axe murderer, so at least there’s that. He’s just someone who is afraid he’s here to stay in my hotel. Which is understandable. I’ve sunk every dime I have into the place, and there’s times at night when I cry because I’m here. Still, he’s kind of rude about it, and that makes me want to hit him with my stapler anyway.

“I’m early. It’s there if you look. Aden Mc—Aden Smith,” he says.

I frown. Okay, I realize there are reasons people check into hotels with the last name Smith. He doesn’t seem to have a woman with him, however, so I doubt he’s hiding from jealous husbands. It’s not my problem, though.

“I recognize the name, but it’s not until the twenty-sixth, and as I said, we’re not open yet,” I explain.

I look down at the hotel registry as if there are a million bookings—which is laughable. There’s only this guy, and I doubt many people will be knocking down my doors to book this place in advance. Still, a girl has to have hope.

The irony that my name is Hope does not escape me. My mother had a twisted sense of humor when it came to naming her children.

“Well, I’m early,” he replies.

“I see that. It’s just that we’re not opening for—”

“For another two weeks, I heard you the first time. However, I’m early, and I need a room. Since you’re the only hotel in the area, we’re stuck,” he answers, as if he’s explaining things to a small child.

I grip the stapler tightly again. I wonder if it would hurt business if the owner gets arrested for hurling a stapler at the head of a would-be guest. I’m guessing it might. Damn it.

“I’m sorry. I can’t accept guests until after I pass inspection. That’s why when you called, I specifically informed you that I would not be open for—”

“Let’s cut the crap, shall we?” he says abruptly, walking towards me. He struts long stealthy strides that look angry. I have no doubt his walk is meant to intimidate, because it does.

“Stop!” I order him without taking a minute to think about it.

He does stop, however—mid-step.

“Listen, why don’t you quit angling here, and name your price,” he demands, then immediately starts walking toward me again.

I hold up the stapler as if it was a weapon that was about to save the world from mass destruction.

“I think you’d better leave.”

“The nearest hotel I’ve passed besides this shithole is about three hours away, and I’m too damned tired. How about you be a nice little girl, hand me a room key, and let me crash?”

“I think maybe we have a language barrier, so I need you to listen, and I’ll speak slowly so you understand. We. Aren’t. Open.”

“Name your price.”

“Excuse me?”

“I said name your price, lady. Everybody has one, and from the looks of this place, you definitely do. So how much to rent this place a couple of weeks earlier?”

“I can’t—” I begin, but my mouth snaps shut quickly when he lays out a roll of hundreds on the counter. I actually drop the stapler. It crashes onto the counter with a loud clanging noise causing me to jump. I can’t make myself look away to see if it’s destroyed.

“That’s twelve hundred dollars for your crappy room for one week. I doubt you’ll find that anywhere else, do you?”

“But we’re not ready for business. I haven’t had my final inspection,” I tell him again, trying to ignore his insults. The rooms aren’t great, but they’re much better than what they were. He’s just an asshole.

“I won’t tell if you don’t. So, do we have a deal?” he asks in a manner that sounds like he fully expects me to agree.

I wish I could tell him to stuff his money, but the new air conditioning and wiring I have to get done before the inspection is a reality. This money and the money for the following week would pay for that. I can’t afford to say no… no matter how much I really want to.

“Twelve hundred for this week… and twelve hundred for next?” I question him.

I hate the look of victory that comes over his face. “Yes.”

“Fine. The rooms aren’t completely ready, but I’ll give you our best one. It’s mostly finished, and the air conditioning works well in there,” I tell him, and okay, I’m kind of lying. The air conditioning does work, but sometimes the breakers blow if you use the receptacles in the bathroom. This guy looks haggard as hell, though. I doubt he knows what a blow dryer is, and that’s really the only thing you use in the bathroom, right?

“I’m sure it’s beautiful,” he mocks as I grab the key to room number seven. Seven is supposed to be a lucky number, but considering I’m contemplating picking my stapler back up and bludgeoning my new tenant with it, I have a feeling it’s not lucky at all for me.

Preorder Available on All Markets! Coming your way October 17th!

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READ MORE JORDAN

With These Titles:

Doing Bad Things Series

Going Down Hard (Free On All Markets)

In Too Deep ( Preorder Available)

Savage Brothers MC

Breaking Dragon

Saving Dancer

Loving Nicole

Claiming Crusher

Trusting Bull

Needing Carrie

Devil’s Blaze MC

Captured

Burned

Released

Shafted

Beast

Beauty

Lucas Brothers Series

Perfect Stroke

Raging Heart On

Happy Trail

Pen Name Baylee Rose & Re-released

Filthy Florida Alphas Series

Unlawful Seizure

Unjustified Demands

Unwritten Rules Coming Soon!

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Table of Contents

Table of Contents

Copyright

Title Page

Blurb

Dedication

1. Petal

2. Luka

3. Petal

4. Luka

5. Petal

6. Petal

7. Luka

8. Petal

9. Luka

10. Petal

11. Luka

12. Luka

13. Petal

14. Luka

15. Petal

16. Luka

17. Petal

18. Luka

19. Petal

20. Luka

21. Petal

22. Luka

23. Petal

24. Luka

25. Petal

26. Luka

27. Petal

28. Petal

29. Luka

30. Petal

31. Luka

32. Petal

33. Petal

34. Luka

35. Petal

36. Luka

37. Petal

38. Luka

39. Petal

40. Luka

41. Petal

42. Luka

43. Petal

44. Luka

45. Ida Sue

46. Ida Sue

47. Luka

48. Petal

49. Luka

50. Petal

51. Luka

Epilogue

Epilogue

Deep Cover

In Too Deep Excerpt

Read More Jordan

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