Copyright © 2023 S. E. Green

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Cover Design – S. E. Green through Canva

Editor – Scarlett’s Proofreading Services

Alpha Reader – Aurora Hope/Katie Cronin

WEBSITE – segreenauthor.com

Dedication

Hannah Banana

My sister. My friend.

4/21/86 – 9/23/21

Cancer sucks

Table of Contents

Dedication

From the Author

Trigger Warnings

Song List

Chapter 1 – Haddie – Penis Arms

Chapter 2 – Haddie – Kirk of Thunder

Chapter 3 – Beau – Ugh… Happy

Chapter 4 – Haddie – Oh Captain, My Captain

Chapter 5 – Beau – Ride my Spaceship

Chapter 6 – Haddie – Squirrel Nuts

Chapter 7 – Beau – Back in My Day

Chapter 8 – Haddie – Holy Shit

Chapter 9 – Haddie – You’re Not My Mom

Chapter 10 – Beau – Like Like Her

Chapter 11 – Haddie – Not in the Blender!

Chapter 12 – Beau – Dresses and Fire

Chapter 13 – Haddie – He kiss kissed Me!

Chapter 14 – Beau – This is Your Family?

Chapter 15 – Beau – Dinner was Delicious

Chapter 16 – Haddie – Like a Virgin

Chapter 17 – Beau – Eyes on Me

Chapter 18 – Haddie – Fixer Upper

Chapter 19 – Beau – She Didn’t Show

Chapter 20 – Haddie – I Don’t Understand

Chapter 21 – Beau – I’ll Fix It…

Chapter 22 – Haddie – Puzzles!

Chapter 23 – Beau – We Need a Truck

Chapter 24 – Haddie – I Hate This

Chapter 25 – Haddie – Waiting is the Worst

Chapter 26 – Haddie – Sinking

Chapter 27 – Beau – Grief is Real

Chapter 28 – Beau – Just Need Mom

Chapter 29 – Haddie – It’s Time

Chapter 30 – Haddie – The Funeral

Chapter 31 – Beau – Cheers to Marcus

Chapter 32 – Haddie – A New Normal

Chapter 33 – Haddie – H is for Happy

Chapter 34 – Beau – Her Laugh

Epilogue –    Happy – Life is Good

A Note from the Author

About the Author

Books by S.E. Green

From the Author

Normally, this is the part where I write about my inspiration drawn from music. But this story is different. Gah… If you read my dedication, you’ll see that I’ve dedicated this book to my baby sister, Hannah aka Hannah Banana aka Aunt Banana.

Two years ago, on a Thursday morning (in 2021), my sister called our mom because she wasn’t feeling well. Mom went to her apartment to help her to the ER because Hannah wasn’t able to stand up without collapsing. She thought she just had a really bad case of the flu and was dehydrated. Over the next 6 days, we discovered that she had been hiding a tumor on the inside of her thigh for years as well as one on the back of her head, which she hid under ponytails and headbands. The following Tuesday night she was released from the hospital, after having surgery to biopsy the tumor, when we learned that she had melanoma.

Sounds not so bad. Melanoma is that easy one that everyone beats, right? We brought her home, and I had an awesome evening with her. She was sweet and funny and happy and goofy. Good spirits to fight the good fight. Wednesday morning, she woke up not quite herself and by noon that day; she wasn’t aware of what was going on. We rushed her back to the ER where they were able to perform a full body scan (it was originally scheduled to be performed that Friday at her first oncologist appointment).

By the time we got the results from the doctor, Hannah was non-communicative and wasn’t able to follow any instructions. The doctor told us that the cancer was in every single organ of her body. THOUSANDS of tumors, large and small, littered her body. He told us that he had never seen a person with so much cancer in his entire career and made sure we knew that there would be no quality of life for her, that there was no fighting this. She was terminal and we would be lucky to have a couple of weeks with her, but at the most, we were looking at days.

Hearing my parents have to discuss a DNR for their youngest child was horrifying, especially as a mother myself. Hannah was transferred to a larger hospital to their cancer floor, where they were going to work with her to gain us a few extra days to say our goodbyes. That evening, the meds were working. She wasn’t fully lucid, but enough that she could have minimal communication with us. She still wasn’t listening to the doctors, but she listened to me.

We left her that night to rest, music on the radio where she was dancing with her hands, happy and comfortable. Thursday morning, we went back to her room to sit with her, waiting for my father to get into town. My mom, Hannah’s best friend, myself, and a couple of nurses sat around Hannah’s bed and told stories about her. I assured her that her apartment was clean, her pet rabbit had found a home where he was happy and loved, her bills were paid, and dad was on his way.

Around 11:20 that morning, my dad called me to tell me he was in the parking lot. I made the announcement to the room and five minutes later, when I took her hand and looked at her, I noticed that she wasn’t breathing. We were desperate for my father to make it to her room so he could say goodbye, so we begged the medical staff to try to keep her with us a little bit longer.

Those 10 minutes, watching my parents stand outside of her room while they worked on her, was something I would never wish on my worst enemy. They weren’t able to keep her with us and my sister, Hannah Banana, passed away at 11:36 am. All in all, it was almost exactly one week to the minute from that first phone call to her slipping away from us.

This story, LAUGH, isn’t supposed to just be about the loss of someone to cancer, but about how we love, heal, grow, grieve, and survive through laughter. It’s therapeutic and, at least for me, was how I dealt with the loss. I’m so sorry to write about the death of a beloved character, and normally, I wouldn’t. In this instance, though, I felt it was necessary. They say to write what you know, and this… I know. I swear, I won’t do this to any of my readers again, but please, read and know my sister the way I knew her and saw her.

Marcus is my sister, and my sister is Marcus. I hope you love Marcus as much as I love Hannah. And in the end, I hope you love Hannah as much as I love Hannah. LAUGH is my way for you all to meet her.

My love to you.

I hope you laugh.

Trigger Warnings

Please know that there could be some triggering topics addressed that include:

Death of a loved one, verbal and emotional abuse from family members.

Having experienced abuse in my past (one sexual assault and one physically/verbally abusive relationship), I sometimes draw from how I felt and recovered from it. Everyone reacts differently to trauma, so if you doubt that my character(s) reacted in a believable way, please keep in mind we are all wonderfully different. My therapist told me that our bodies tend to subconsciously protect itself the best way it thinks will keep us the safest. Please seek help if you are being hurt or have been hurt in the past. We all want you safe and feeling loved!

Song List

All of the Stars by Ed Sheeran

All That Matters by Christina Perri

Belonging by Muted

Better Place by Rachel Platten

Blessings by Hollow Coves

Dancing On My Own by Calum Scott

Daylight by Shinedown

Elephant by Jason Isbell

Everytime We Touch by Brent Morgan

Four Letters by Tony Ann

Happy by NF

Happy by Pharrell Williams

Honest by Kyndal Inskeep

How Do I Say Goodbye by Dean Lewis

Human by Christina Perri

Hurt by Johnny Cash

I Get to Love You by Ruelle

I Gotta Feeling by Black Eyed Peas

It’s Always Been You by Phil Wickham

Not About Angels by Birdy

Part Of Me by Cian Ducrot

Shape of You by Ed Sheeran

Silhouette by Aquilo

Sinners by Lauren Aquilina

Slow Me Down by Emmy Rossum

Snow On The Beach by Taylor Swift, Lana Del Rey

Time of Our Lives by Tyrone Wells

Unsteady by X Ambassadors, Erich Lee

Want to Want Me    by Jason Derulo

What Sarah Said by Death Cab for Cutie

Wish You the Best by Lewis Capaldi

Wish You Well by Wrabel

With Love by Christina Grimmie

Without You by for King & Country, Courtney

You’re Gonna Be Ok by Jenn Johnson

You Will Be Found by Natalie Grant, Cory Asbury

Chapter 1

Penis Arms

Haddie

“As you slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point the wrong way.”

Snorting, I take my shot and wince at the burn of tequila as it works its way down my throat. Grabbing Marcus’s empty glass, I set them at the edge of the bar so Ricky knows that we’re ready for a new one. “Okay, okay. I got the next one.”

“I want tequila this time too,” Marcus says as he rubs his hands together. This guy is addicted to tequila and I have to ration them. Otherwise, he’d be down within an hour and he’s just too big for me to drag back to his apartment.

“Do you know how an octopus mates?” I ask offhandedly.

“Random. But I don’t. Do tell,” Ricky says as he grabs our shot glasses to refill them.

“Can we get tequila this time?” I ask, batting my lashes at Ricky until he rolls his eyes at my over-the-top fake flirting.

“Only if you tell me how an octopus gets it on.” He grins, leaning forward and resting his weight on his crossed forearms.

Giggling, I sit up straight. “First, you weren’t supposed to hear that, but I’ll tell you anyway. You know how an octopus has eight arms, right? Well, they’re all normally about the same length, except for one of them. There is one arm that’s slightly shorter than the rest. That’s his penis.”

Marcus is chuckling at me because he knows that I’m going somewhere with this idea. “Penis arm, sweet.”

“It is. Oh! Side note. You know how in Finding Nemo, there’s that little pink octopus named Pearl? They’re in class when they go to the drop off–”

“No! Not the drop off!” Marcus cries out, clutching his hands to his chest.

Snorting at his theatrics, I wave my hand in his face. “Shush. So, they’re at the drop off, and Pearl says, ‘See this tentacle? It’s actually shorter than all my other tentacles, but you can’t really tell, especially when I twirl them like this’. Pearl is totally talking about his penis. Fun fact.”

“Sorry to break it to you, Harry, but that part doesn’t happen at the drop off.” Marcus sniffs at me.

I blink at him in surprise. “It doesn’t? I could have sworn it does… either way, you get my point,” I tell him, waving him off.

Ricky frowns. “I thought Pearl was a girl.”

“Nope.” I pop my ‘p’ and shake my head. “Pearl is totally a boy, and he’s shaking his penis at all the other kids in school. Anyway, I digress. So, when an octopus sees a little lady that he wants to boink, instead of swimming over and flirting to see if she’ll go on a date with him, he’ll rip his penis off and throw it at her. Then he swims away like a little bitch.”

Marcus is laughing out loud now, and a few people at the bar are looking at him like he’s a psycho. Ricky is just staring at me like he can’t process what I’m saying. “I’m not sure…”

I nod my head quickly. “Seriously, he just chucks his penis at her and swims away. So, here is this pretty little female octopus with a penis arm floating around her. Like every normal girl, she sees it and immediately thinks, ‘Hmmm… Well, it’s just there… May as well fuck myself with it’. So, she does, and that’s how she gets pregnant.”

Smiling broadly at the two of them, I watch as they process what I’m telling them, extremely proud of my factual education. Ricky opens his mouth a couple of times, not sure what to say. Marcus is analyzing me just before a slow grin spreads across his face. “What’s the title of the book?”

“Are You Squidding Me?” I state, puffing my chest out with pride. I have no worries that Marcus won’t like my idea. He’s always the first to jump on the crazy train and ride into the sunset with me.

“Title? What book?” Ricky is clearly confused, and I don’t blame him.

“It’s my next project. Picture this.” I lean in conspiratorially. You never know if someone is listening, looking to steal my next great idea.

“Ms. Clown fish is minding her own business as she swims through the coral and anemones and she comes upon a gang of octopi gents. They’re all like ‘Hey baby’ and ‘I got something for you right here’, and start pelting her with their penis arms. She’s cornered and scared because all the arms are ganging up on her, then in swims Mr. Squid. He saves her and pulls her to freedom. She’s all hot and bothered by how brave he was, and he’s like ‘I’m better than those other eight-armed guys. I won’t make you do all the work yourself. I’ll keep my penis attached’. Cue the mood lighting and we have liftoff.”

Marcus slowly leans toward Ricky, keeping his eyes on me warily, and tells him from the side of his mouth, “She writes satirical erotica in her free time. That’s what happens when you’re a virgin with no prospects on the horizon.”

My mouth drops open. “Marcus! How could you?”

“I’m not even sure what to say to all of that. What you need is more liquor, purely for my entertainment, of course. I’ll be right back.” Ricky chuckles as he walks away.

“TEQUILA!” we shout at the same time.

“Oh, shit.” My curly haired, Tom Hanks’ lookalike best friend is staring over my shoulder toward the front of O’Reilly’s Irish Pub where the door opens to the busy downtown tonight. It’s Saturday evening and we always try to get here early enough to get a decent spot at the end of the bar to stay out of line from heavier traffic.

“What?” Taking a sip of my beer, I glance over my shoulder to see what he’s talking about, and my shoulders slump when I see my sister walk in with her Bimbo Squad. Tilting my head back, I groan at the ceiling. “Uugghhh. Fucking hide me.”

He’s laughing at my plight as he watches their progress through the crowded bar over the rim of his glass. Then he dips down behind me, using my body as a shield, and winces. “Ah damn, she saw me.”

Scowling, I drink my beer a little faster. Looks like we’re going to have to call it an early night. Don’t get me wrong, I love my sister. I’m not entirely certain if she loves me, but what I am sure of is neither of us like each other. Even though we are only two years apart, she and I couldn’t be more different.

Where Amber is a tall, thin, tan, big-breasted blonde, I’m a short, petite, normal-breasted, freckle skinned red head. You could say I’m the odd man out in my family. My three older brothers and older sister all take after my father. His side of the family is Norwegian, and they all carry predominant Scandinavian traits. Straight blonde hair, blue eyes, straight noses, and clear skin free from imperfections. Amber is the only one that’s tan, but she’s spent a lot of money at tanning booths to earn her golden skin.

I, on the other hand, take after my mother’s Irish heritage. I don’t have many memories of my mom. She passed away when I was four, so I’m really the only one that doesn’t remember her. Looking at the one album we have that’s filled with pictures of her shows me she and I are practically identical.

Deborah, my stepmom, married my dad when I was seven, and she matches the rest of the family. Much better than I do at least. She’s a whole other can of worms I would rather not waste my time thinking about tonight.

I cringe when I hear her grating, high-pitched voice snap out my name, and I know that I’m about to be graced with her presence. I snort to myself when I think ‘graced’ because it’s more like I’m about to be hauled into her den of iniquity.

“Harriet.”

Turning in my seat, I face the she-witch and ready myself for the faceoff. “Bamber.”

It’s remarkable how even her scowl doesn’t create any creases in her caked-on foundation. She hisses, “Don’t fucking call me that. What are you doing here? Are you following me?”

“Sorry Bambi, my bad.” I hold up my half empty pint of beer. “To answer your question, yes. I absolutely am following you. I even made it to the bar, got a beer and drank half of it during your one-minute strut through the masses, only for you to find me here. Clever of me, right?” I sip my drink and raise an eyebrow.

My eyes roll when I hear the tittering giggle of Kelsie behind her. Kelsie was in the same year as me, but she and Amber hit it off when they both cheered together. “Amber! Who are you… oh. Your sister is here.”

Leaning to the side, I look around Amber to respond. “Oh look, Bamber, your friend is here.” I smirk at the growl that I hear under her breath and can’t help but enjoy irritating them. Seriously, they’re the ones who came to me, so why should I feel bad about that?

Marcus leans in behind me to whisper, “The other one is here, too.”

I hold the groan in this time when I see who he’s talking about. Kandii with two i’s has got her tits hanging on the bar, trying to wave down one of the bartenders. All of these girls are terrible on their own, but you get them together and they’re an absolute nightmare. Especially when they set their minds to let me know I’m a plebeian compared to their royal cheer status.

“Save me now,” I mutter, and he chuckles at my dramatic whine.

“HADDIE!” I jump at the loud shout of my name, but my smile turns real when I hear the voice of my other best friend.

“ADDIE!” Handing my beer to my sister, she huffs when I get up and walk around her to give my friend a hug. “You didn’t tell me you were coming here tonight!” I lean in to whisper so the others can’t hear me. “And you brought the Bimbo squad with you. Not even a heads-up?”

She just sighs at me. They assigned Addie and I as dorm roommates our freshman year and immediately hit it off. Where Marcus and I are podmates –you know, the whole ‘two peas in a pod’ thing– who grew up together and feel like the same person, Addie and I are complete opposites that just meshed really well. I think it’s because our names rhymed, so it was just meant to be. I don’t fault her for being friends with them. To her, they’re wonderful and she has a lot of fun with them, so I’ll never begrudge her just because they don’t like me.

“I didn’t know we were coming here. Kandii and Amber fell in with a group of guys that were out at the club and had plans to come here afterwards. So, here we are. You should come hang out with us!” She blinks her baby blues at me and pouts her lip.

“Addie… I love you. I really, really do… but Bamber and her Bambi Bimbos would definitely prefer that not happen.”

“Harry, you should. Honestly, I’m tired tonight and kinda feeling like I just want to head home,” Marcus says. I look at him and he seems like he’s dragging a bit tonight.

“Stop calling me Harry, and are you sure you don’t want to stay? I can go with you, and we can have an Office marathon.” I’m bummed that he’s bailing on me this early in the night. Leaning forward so only Addie and he can hear me. “Are you really going to make me hang out with Bamber? Alone?”

He stands up and throws money on the bar for our drinks. “It’ll do you good. Maybe you two can have a sisterly moment together and bond over Irish car bombs?”

I scowl at him, then even harder when he pats me on my head. “You’re unbelievable and a traitor.”

“Come on, your turn to toast. I’ll do this one with you before I leave. Make sure you call me tomorrow to let me know how bad it went. Also, I need videos when she finds a guy she plans to sink her claws into for the night.”

“Fine, but you’re going to make it up to me.” We lick our hands and sprinkle salt over them. Holding up our glasses, I hit him with a new one. “May you always come more than you go.”

Marcus throws his head back and laughs loudly, then takes his shot with me. “Nice. Let’s see if that one comes true.”

“Literally. Am I right?” I snicker.

Leaning down, he gives me a kiss on the cheek. “Call me tomorrow. Love you more than Drogon loves Daenerys.”

“I love you more than Jamie loves Cersei.”

“Damn…” he mutters, then waves goodbye to Addie and makes his way out of the bar.

“Come on Haddie. I need your moral support. So,” she whispers conspiratorially. “The girls picked up this group of guys, but seriously, there’s this guy named Jensen…” I peek at my friend and watch her face flush as she trails off just from mentioning his name.

“Uh oh. Someone has a crush. Point him out to me. I’ll be the judge on whether he’s good enough for you.” She hooks my arm and I grab the beer left on the counter that Marcus didn’t finish before she pulls me away. Yelling over my shoulder to Ricky, “I’ll be back, Ricky! Marc left his half under the glass. Keep the tequila coming, I’m gonna need it!”

“Hush, come on. It won’t be so bad,” my friend assures me.

“So you think. Bamber is going to make me pay for crashing the cool kids’ table tonight. Make sure you speak well of me at my funeral. There’s already the perfect eulogy written in my journal. It’s in my side table under my vibrator. Make sure you toss it before my dad finds it. Unless Deborah cleans out my room, then make sure you add a butt plug in there for me.”

“So dramatic. That’s what I’ll talk about. How you could turn shaving your legs into a three-hour ordeal that ends with tears and epiphanies.”

Stopping us in the middle of the bar, I grab her shoulder to look at me, then clench my hands under my chin and look up at her. “You know me so well…” I sniffle. She just rolls her eyes at me and bites her cheek to stop from laughing.

“Sometimes I don’t know what to do with you.”

Laughing, I turn her back around to face the direction we were heading in. “My evil plan to keep you on your toes is working. Alright. Show me the guy.”

Chapter 2

Kirk of Thunder

Haddie

Whispering, Addie points out her interest to me. “He’s the guy in the green Henley and brown hair. Don’t be obvious!” she hisses.

“Seriously? I’m not going to ask him to stand up or anything, but I have to look, Addie.” I roll my eyes at her, and then nonchalantly glance around the table like I’m just taking a brief look.

The guy, Jensen, is sitting next to an open chair with his arm over the back of it. I curl my lips under my teeth so I’m not obvious when I smile. But he’s adorable and clearly interested in Addie. He’s staring at her like a lost puppy and definitely not being shy about it.

I look up at my friend, and she’s got a soft smile gracing her face. She holds her hand up a little to wave hi to him. Chuckling to myself, I encourage her to go sit down when he nods his head at the empty chair he’s saving. “Go on, my friend. I have to say, great taste. He’s adorable.”

She turns her back to him and widens her eyes at me, letting out a little squeak of excitement. “Aah! He’s super cute, right? Will you be okay? I really want you to stay.”

I wave her off. “Yeah, I’ll stick around for a bit until you’re sucking face, then I’m out of here.”

“If only I were so lucky,” she sighs out.

“You know what they say about luck. ‘Good luck is a residue of preparation’. Meaning… I hope you shaved.” I wink at her when she glares at me.

“Of course, I did. Have you not met me?” And that’s why I love her.

She turns back around to walk over to him, so I smack her ass. “Go get ‘em, tiger. Make good choices!” She throws me a megawatt smile over her shoulder and finds her way to the open seat Jensen has saved for her.

It’s amazing to me how confident my friend is in her own skin. From the moment I met her, I’ve loved her. She’s kind, bubbly, sweet, and has always accepted me for exactly who I am. For that easy acceptance when my experience has been judgment and awkward encounters, I’ll forever love her.

“Harry, what are you doing?” I briefly close my eyes at Amber’s question before turning to her with a fake smile.

“Bamber!” I call out, sliding between tables to join the group. “I didn’t see you there. I’ve missed you.” Dropping into an empty seat opposite of where Addie sits next to Jensen, I drop my chin into my hand and bat my lashes as my sister.

She places her hand on a muscular arm and leans into him, “Ignore her. That’s just my little sister.” Her hair flies over her shoulder when she flips it at me. She mastered the art of the hair flip before her age hit double digits. I’ve never been able to do it.

Before I get a chance to see my sister’s choice for the night, Addie calls out to everyone. “Guys, this is one of my best friends, Haddie. Haddie, this is Jensen, Garrett, Marshall, and Beau.” I look at each one of them when she points them out, then my gaze settles on Beau. He’s the owner of the muscular arm that my sister has her claws dug into.

The guys ramble out hellos while I raise my eyebrow at my sister’s hand and focus back on Beau’s face. He’s beautiful, and I can honestly say that I think this is the first time I’ve ever been jealous of Amber. His body is linebacker massive, thick arms stretching the short sleeves of his black t-shirt that’s so tight I can see his pecs moving as he shifts in his chair.

He looks like a cross between Chris Hemsworth and Chris Pine, only without the smiles. His dirty dark blonde hair looks messy, but in the way that guys style it so it reminds you of bedroom hair. Just enough to hold on to, but not hanging all the way in his eyes. He’s got a straight broad nose, masculine features with a rugged edge to them. Although that’s probably more due to the ‘probably hasn’t shaved for a few days’ unkempt beard he’s sporting. Eyes blue enough that I can see them across the table in the dim light of the bar.

“Haddie?” My gaze is wrenched from his face over to my friend. Shit, I think my face was frozen with that damn eyebrow hitting my hairline. I’m only able to look at her for a minute before I’m drawn back to look at Captain Thor.

This time, his eyebrow is mimicking mine and paired with a scowl. “Happy? Your name is Happy?”

The other girls giggle at the fact that he couldn’t get my name right. It’s not like it’s any harder than Addie. Honestly, though? I kinda love it.

“No, it’s–” Amber starts to answer him, but I cut her off.

Crossing my arms and leaning back into my chair, I smirk. “Yup. Happy is absolutely my name, Captain Thor.”

“Captain Thor?” A look of confusion crosses his face, and I hold back a shudder at the way his voice scrapes across my skin. It matches his body, big and manly. Deep. Sort of where I’d like him to be if I were a girl who thought about those kinds of things, which I am.

“Captain Thor, Kirk of Thunder… unless you prefer to go by Chris?” The girls all stare at me except for Addie, who’s covering her mouth trying not to laugh out loud. The guy next to me, Garrett, I think, starts laughing.

“Good lord, I can’t believe I never saw it,” he says, then winks at me.

“Saw what?” Beau asks, pulling his arm away from Amber and crossing them to match my pose. I feel like I should put my elbows on the table and lean forward to see if he’ll keep copying me.

Pointing at him, I circle his face. “Dude, you’re like a cross between Captain Kirk and Thor. Chris and Chris.” Looking around at the rest of the table, I ask, “I’m not wrong, am I? It’s uncanny.”

Kandii, who’s sitting on the opposite side of Beau from where Bamber is, titters and twirls her hair at him. “You really do look like Thor, muscles and all.” She runs her hand up his bicep and I deflate a little when he looks away from me and at her with a flirty smile.

I swear to God, he flexed his arm under her hand, causing my fingers to twitch with the desire to feel what she’s feeling.

“Here you go, Haddie. I brought you a double.” Ricky leans over my shoulder to set down two shot glasses of tequila, along with a couple of limes. Gripping my shoulder, he leans in and whispers, “You look like you already need these.”

Once he stands back up, I turn my head to look up at him. “You just earned yourself an extra-large tip, my friend.” Then, letting my eyes roam around the table, I notice Beau is staring at me again. I don’t take my eyes off him as I call out over my shoulder, “Ricky! Wait up a second!”

He pauses in his escape. “Whatcha need?”

Time to test my theory. I lean forward and place my elbows on the table and stare right at Beau, even though I address the entire table. “Did you all want Ricky to grab a round of drinks for everyone? I’d be happy to buy the shots if you all want one with me?”

Some of the guys start calling out their orders while others agree to a shot. Beau stays silent and eventually leans forward to put his elbows on the table. My smile grows, and I try to contain my laughter when his eyes narrow on me. “Chris, did you want a shot as well?”

“It’s Beau, and sure, if everyone else is doing one.” He speaks slowly, seemingly unsure of what to make of me.

“Beau…” my sister purrs at him, pressing her breasts against his arm. “I’ll take a shot with you, too.”

“I’m game!” Kandii calls out.

“Ricky…” I purr, mimicking Amber, unable to cut the sarcasm out of my voice so she can hear how ridiculous she sounds. “Would you mind grabbing a round for everyone?”

Chuckling, he finishes writing down everyone’s drinks orders. “Sure thing, Haddie.”

“You must be a regular here if he knows to keep the drinks coming for you,” Garrett says. I look over at him with a smile. He’s handsome, a little too pretty for my taste, but he seems nice.

“I am. My friend Marcus and I only ever come here if we decide to go out. You want one of these?” I hold out a shot to him and he accepts. “Wait!” I stop him from taking it, his hand pausing midair. “I have to make a toast. It’s tradition.”

“It really is, Garrett,” Addie tells him. She’s leaning into Jensen, and I think I see his hand playing with her hair at the back of her head. “Haddie and Marcus are both super proud of their heritage and compete over who can come up with the better toast. It’s hilarious.”

Tilting his head to the side, Garrett nods his head and holds his shot up. “I’m all ears.”

Holding mine up, I tap his glass, enjoying the clink. “May you die at ninety-five under the covers, shot in the head by a jealous lover.” He laughs as we both take our shots before dropping them to the table with a loud thunk.

Everyone chats amongst themselves while we wait for the round I ordered. I slip out my phone and sneak a photo of Amber hanging on Beau’s arm before sending it on to Marcus.

Me: Pretty sure this is her goal for the evening. Not gonna lie, I’m a little jealous… he’s hot. Don’t think he likes me much.

Marcus: ooohhhh… she’s making eyes. Why doesn’t he like you? How could anyone not like you?! Also, made it home.

Me: Right? I think it’s because I called him Kirk of Thunder.

Marcus: AAAHAHAHAHAHA he DOES look like Captain Kirk had a baby with Thor.

Me: Sigh… I know… he thinks my name is Happy.

Marcus: That’s adorable.

Me: It is… I secretly love it, but I’ll never admit it to him. Also, I think we’re playing a skewed version of copycat.

Marcus: ???

Me: I’ll explain later. Glad you made it home. Get some

sleep.

Marcus: Text when you get in.

Me: aye aye. *kisses*

I put my phone away when Ricky comes back with a tray full of shots and starts handing them out. Slipping him my card, he knows I’m done for the night and will cash out my tab. As much fun as it is hanging out with my sister, I’m thinking they’d have more fun without me here.

Jensen whispers something in Addie’s ear and looks at me. “Thanks for the shots, Haddie. You gonna give us another toast?”

“Seriously?” my sister whines. “I’m sure I could come up with a good one.”

“Sure Bamber, the floor is yours.” God, my teeth ache at how sweet that came out.

Sneering at me, she clears her throat and stands up. I hold back the eye roll when she calls out, “Here’s to meeting new people and maybe some new soulmates!” She looks at Beau out of the corner of her eye, and I can’t help but cringe.

There are a few awkward chuckles, but no one takes their shot. I should feel a little bad for her, but damn, she couldn’t have come across more stalkery if she were the Overly Attached Girlfriend from that one meme.

“That’s sweet, Amber.” Addie tries to cover for her. “Let’s do one more since there are a lot of us drinking, yeah? Haddie? You got the round. Why don’t you add one?” I love her.

Garrett whispers to me, “You gonna stand up and wow us too?” I can’t help but laugh at him.

“No way,” I whisper back. Then to the table, I say louder, “I’ll follow up along the same theme since there seem to be so many new matches being made tonight. I’ll leave you with some sage advice.”

Raising my glass, everyone follows suit except for Amber and Beau. He’s not looking at me, but rather side-eyeing my sister like he doesn’t know if he should be putting some distance between the two of them. I don’t blame you dude… run far, far away. She’s a succubus.

I clear my throat and wait for everyone’s attention, and finally Beau’s eyes land on me. There’s no stopping me when I toss a little smirk at him. “Money in your pocket, beer in your cup, poke her in the butt, and you won’t knock her up!”

Grinning as I swallow my shot, a coughing laugh bubbles out when Beau stops his glass midway to his mouth as he realizes what I’ve implied. The glare he gives me makes my face heat under its force.

Look, yes, the guy is super hot. Did I feel a little flutter in my lady regions when I saw him? Sure did. Did I feel another flutter when he spoke? Yup. What about the gush when his entire focus was directly on me? Abso-freaking-lutely.

Is he interested in me? That’s a hard no. So, I’m not going to worry about what he may or may not think of me. I’m spectacular and if he can’t see that, then it’s his loss.

I can’t stop the little bubble of disappointment at the thought that the odds of Captain Thor choosing me over Bamber or Kandii with two i’s are at a solid zero.

“I’m going to head home,” I announce, grabbing my purse and throwing it over my head so the strap rests between my breasts.

“Thank God…” one of the girls mutters, but I’m not sure which one of them says it. Beau is giving Kandii a hard look, so maybe it was her?

“Yes, we should thank him in all circumstances and rejoice in the Lord always.” Fuck, I’m feeling snarky tonight. “Addie, you lovely lady, you. Call me tomorrow. I love you more than Kanye loves Kanye.”

My night is made when I hear her giggle. “Love you more than macaroni loves cheese.”

Pointing at her, I nod my head. “True… and that’s what I’m gonna make you for lunch tomorrow. If you’re really lucky, you’ll get hot dogs too.”

Turning and taking my leave from the group, I throw a hand up to wave goodbye. “Long live and prosper, Chris!” I can’t help but smile when I think I hear a low growl at my exit.

Chapter 3

Ugh… Happy

Beau

I scrub my face when I see the head coach approach me. He’s frustrated about something, and with the beeline he’s making toward my position on the side of the practice field, I know it must be about some of my players.

Yelling out to my first- and second-string defensive line, I direct their next drill. “Guys! I’m going to step over to the side for a few minutes. Line up and run through shedding blocks. I want you all to cycle through at least five times. Run another five if I’m not back when you’re done.”

“They look good,” Jim says. He’s been the head coach for the teams for the last fifteen years. When he took over, he really elevated the program to an entirely new level. He showed up my freshman year when I was picked up.

“They do. What can I do for you?” I ask while watching the start of the drill.

He sighs, crossing his arms to watch with me. “We have a problem.”

“What’s the problem?” I make a note to talk to Tyler, one of my defensive ends, to correct his starting body position.

“Grades came in for spring semester. Four of your guys are on probation. They’re in trouble of not meeting scholarship requirements to play in the fall.”

Closing my eyes, I pinch the bridge of my nose. “Fuck. Which ones?”

Tugging the paper from his clipboard, he hands it to me. I read through the names and my stomach sinks. Three of them are first string. Tyler, Antoine, and Jeffrey. Colton is on the list as well, a sophomore, and would most likely be moving up depending on how this next season goes for him.

“Want me to talk to them?” he asks.

Shaking my head no, I crumple the paper in my fist. “I will. We’re almost done here, anyway.”

He eyes me, then glances over at the guys. “What’s the plan?”

“I don’t know yet. I’ll figure out what their deal is and fill you in at the next coaches’ meeting.”

“Alright. They’ve got to turn this shit around. School is giving them the summer to bring their grades up. Otherwise, they’re benched until midterms and gone by the end of the semester if nothing has changed.”

“Got it,” I growl. He claps me on the shoulder, then makes his way inside to his office near the locker rooms.

Blowing my whistle, I call the guys over to me and give them some feedback about today’s practice and what to expect tomorrow. “You four, stay behind.” I point at the four fuck-ups and glare at them until everyone heads in.

“What’s going on, coach?” Antoine asks me, drinking water and cooling down.

“You four need to shower, grab your computers and exams from last semester, then meet me at the library in two hours.”

Some of them drop their shoulders, getting ready to pout. Colton is the first to speak up. “What? Why? We’re all done man!”

I pierce him with a glare, then stare at the others. “Wrong. You four just bought yourselves extra classes and tutoring. You all were informed that when you accepted your scholarships to play in our program, you are required to maintain a 2.3 GPA. Guess what the issue is?” I watch as their jaws slacken and Antoine mutters ‘shit’ under his breath.

“I sorta thought that was just paperwork bullshit,” Tyler grumbles.

“You sorta thought wrong. So, get showered and I’ll meet you over there. I want you guys to bring stuff for the classes you struggled in. C and below grades. If it’s all of them,” I look at Colton, “then bring everything.”

Turning around, I leave them to go grab my own shower. Then get online to pull their past class schedules along with their grades and any comments entered by their professors. All of them failed, or almost failed, two of their four classes last semester, but Colton in all four classes.

By the time I make it to the library, I’ve gotten more and more pissed over these guys fucking up their grades and my plans for our season this fall. Tyler sent me a text to tell me where they were sitting and I make my way to them, then halt in my tracks when I see her.

Happy.

I know that’s not her name, but at the moment, I don’t remember what it actually is.

My guys are supposed to be getting their shit together, going through their class materials, so they’re ready for me to come up with a plan. Instead, she’s hovering by their table, laughing and flirting. Distracting them.

The thought ‘I can hardly blame them’ flits through my head before I shove it away. She’s standing there in a pair of tight black jeans and a flowing white sleeveless blouse. Her long, wavy red hair is pinned up into one of those messy buns and she’s wearing glasses this time around. Black-rimmed, round glasses that seem almost too big for her face.

Gritting my teeth, I make it to the table right at the same time that she throws her head back and laughs at something one of the guys said to her. They’re all focused on her instead of what they’re here for, which only serves to anger me more.

“Guys!” I snap out and all five of them whip their heads to look at me. Happy’s eyes widen a fraction before she controls herself and settles on a smirk.

“Oh Captain, my Captain! Fancy meeting you here.” Crossing her arms, she leans her hip against their table.

“Captain?” I hear Tyler ask.

“Hey coach, Haddie was gonna–” Jeffrey starts to say, but I cut him off. I also take a quick note that her name is Haddie, not Happy.

“You all need to get your heads in the game and start focusing on what’s important rather than flirting with pretty girls. Apparently, this is part of your problem.”

“Coach?” Haddie asks. Evidently, no one told her who I was over the weekend when we met. Of course, she doesn’t stop talking there. “Also, I’m super flattered that you think I’m pretty! What sport do you coach?”

I just blink at her. Seriously? “You couldn’t figure that out by the football players you’re hanging all over? I’m sure you have some studying you need to get back to.” I regret the way that came out when I see her shoulders stiffen and she stands up straighter.

“My bad.” Her voice is laced with caustic sweetness. “We just flew right past the introductions and headed right into eyelash batting and sexual innuendos.” Turning to my team, she gives them a more genuine smile. “Alright you ballers, I’ll leave you with your Captain here and I’ll be back in a few.” She gives them one last smile, which then turns into a smirk when she looks at me before leaving the table.

My players are watching her walk away, so I growl at them to shut their mouths. I can’t have them distracted by anything or anyone right now. “Get your shit out. I’ll be right back.” Dropping my bag on the floor, I chase after her.

“Hey! Wait up a second,” I call out. I try to keep my voice down because of where we are, but a handful of students studying watch me. Except for her. She ignores me and keeps walking. “Haddie. STOP.” That worked.

She stops walking and makes a slow turn, eyebrow raised at me, apparently shocked at my audacity. There’s a rude awakening on her horizon. You don’t get to ignore staff here at the school and technically; I am part of it. “Yes, your majesty?” she asks, sarcastic as fuck.

Fuck this shit.

“Look, I’m sure you’re a really nice girl–”

“I really am,” she interrupts.

I put my hand up to stop her from talking. “But you should focus on your own studying and back off from my players. They need to focus, and distractions are the last thing they need at the moment. I would very much appreciate your cooperation in this. If you feel you’ll have difficulty with this, please let me know and I’ll find someone on the staff here to help you out. Agreed? Good. Much appreciated.”

Honestly, I tried to start out politely. But her arrogance and attitude that settled in her features, plus the body language like I’m in the wrong here, has me growing more and more irritated by the second. By the end of my speech, I’m pissed and glaring at her. I also must have shocked her because, for once, she doesn’t have a quick comeback.

Finally, she shakes her head at me and snorts out a quick laugh. “Noted.” Then, with a salute, she walks away from me.

Whatever, at least she agreed. Heading back to the table, I pull out a chair and sit down. “Alright guys. I want each of you to tell me where you’re struggling so we can come up with a game plan. Get you into classes, tutors, whatever it’ll take to pull up your grades this summer. Jeffrey, you first.”

I make notes for the next ten minutes while the guys fill me in. My temper has finally started to abate until I see a flash of red out of the corner of my eye. Looking over, I see Haddie heading back to the table.

“Are you kidding me right now?” I growl and stand up to intercept her.

She ignores me, stepping around where I’m standing, to drop a stack of papers onto the table and speaks to my guys like I’m invisible.

“Alright you football players, here’s what I’ve got for you. I didn’t have time to separate out tutors by topics, so you all get the same packet. You’ll just have to look through them and find what you need. Unfortunately, many of these students are off during the summer, so you may have to take advantage of some of the staff here. I’ll help out where I can. Just let me know.”

What the fuck is happening right now? “What are you–”

My mouth snaps shut when she holds her hand up to me the same way I did to her. “I would also suggest you attend one of our weekly one-hour seminars that’s designed specifically for students in your situation. Typically, they’re held on Thursday afternoons, so if boss man here can let you all out of practice for a bit, you should come. It’ll be a great resource for study tips. Not everyone is the same, so we like to offer a few different ways to utilize your time the best way possible.”

I close my eyes when I realize she is not a student, but a staff member. She just keeps going like I don’t exist.

“Aside from Mr. Colton here, the rest of you are actually eligible to get extra credit as long as your previous semester professors are on board with it. Seeing as you all are football stars, I’m sure they’d be willing to give you the opportunity. Colton, unfortunately for you, you’ll most likely need to retake a couple of courses. Since they’re still fresh in your mind, my suggestion would be to get extra credit from two of them and retake the other two. They’re fast-paced, but with help, I have the utmost confidence that you’ll be able to make it through.”

Colton is looking through the papers and nodding his head, seemingly motivated and not discouraged by anything she’s saying.

“Okie dokie then! My job here is done.” She claps her hands together then looks at me, finally. “Super sorry for all my flirting and distracting your boys, Coach. I’ll get out of your hair now.”

She salutes me. Again. Then walks away with a verbal mic drop. A well-deserved one, too. I doubt I could have been more insulting, and I briefly debate running after her to apologize.

I lose the opportunity as I watch another group of students call her over almost immediately and start pelting her with questions, forcing her to sit with them so she can give them her full attention.

My eyes jerk over to Antoine when I hear him whistle. He’s not looking at me, but staring at her. “I think I just got a boner. Dude, two years until I graduate, then I’m going after her.” He elbows Tyler, who just laughs.

“Not if I get there first,” says Jeffrey as he leans forward on the table. “Next year’s my last year, fuckers.”

“Enough,” I snap at them. “Come on. Let’s come up with a plan.”

We decide on a basic schedule for how to approach all of this, all four of them entirely focused on the task at hand.

Except for me.

I can’t stop my eyes from wandering around the room every few minutes to search for a ball of messy red hair.

Chapter 4

Oh Captain, My Captain

Haddie

“Hi dad,” I say as I lean down and give him a kiss on the cheek.

Once a day on the weekend we have our family dinner nights. Well, they’re supposed to be family dinner nights, but not everyone comes every week. I do, but that’s only to keep the peace.

“Hey pumpkin! Did you just get here?” He flips his watch around to peek at the time and furrows his brows. “I think Debbie needed some help in the kitchen. Did she not message you to see if you could come a little earlier?”

“She did, but I had some stuff I needed to get done and she didn’t message me until, like, an hour before she wanted me here.” She does that all the time. Deborah loves to wait until the last minute to get in contact, knowing good and well that I won’t be able to follow through since I live a solid forty-five minutes from the house. It’s her way of making sure everyone knows that I’m letting them down.

“Oh. Well, I’m sure it’s fine. How was your week?” He mutes the baseball game he was watching as I take a seat next to him on the couch.

“It was good! I was able to–” I’m interrupted by the step-monster yelling from the kitchen.

“Don, honey? Would you call the boys and see what time they’re planning on getting here?” She walks out of the kitchen, wiping her hands on a dish towel. “Oh. Harriet. You finally made it.”

“Deborah, nice to see you too.” I’m not overly sarcastic for my dad’s sake, but she hears the slight dig at her failure to act like she’s happy I’m here.

Sighing, she shakes her head at me and rests her hand on dad’s shoulder. “Honestly Harriet, you know I prefer Debbie. Why do you always insist on making a point to not use it?”

Cocking my head at her, I bite the inside of my cheek to stop myself from saying something snarky. “I just figured you preferred our given names. You know, with you calling me Harriet all the time when you know I prefer Haddie.”

She scoffs. “Harriet is the name your father gave you. You should be proud of it.”

“Seriously? How is that even an–”

“Girls, come on. Let’s not bicker tonight. Everyone is going to be here, so let’s all just enjoy the family time. Yes?”

I watch as Deborah squeezes his shoulder, signaling what I know was the instruction to ‘talk to her’ before releasing it. “When you’re finished, I need your help in the kitchen, honey.”

Waiting for her to leave, I watch my dad’s shoulders slump slightly as he rubs the space between his eyebrows like he’s getting a headache. “Pumpkin, you’ve got to stop trying to antagonize her. It’s respectful to me as your father, and respectful to her as your stepmother and my wife, to be cordial and polite. Constantly picking fights over–”

“Dad, I’ve gotta stop you right there. You understand that her argument is ridiculous, right? Like, you gave me my name so I need to only go by that, but her parents didn’t give her the name Deborah? Come on, dad.” I really hate arguing with him, but I’m freaking 25-years-old. I don’t need my father scolding me over my bully of a stepmom.

“For me? Please keep the peace? It’s a silly thing to even get worked up over. How about you just call her mom like everyone else?” My eyebrows hit my hairline at that request.

“Umm… because she’s not my mom? Dad, I’ve literally never called her that. I’m certainly not going to now.”

“Harriet!” the stepmonster snaps from the kitchen. “Honest to God, would you come in here and pull your own weight for once?”

I open my mouth to respond, instantly fucking pissed. Didn’t she just indicate to my dad that he had to give me a talking to? My dad’s hushed, “Just don’t, Haddie,” stops me.

Gritting my teeth, I walk away from him. Deborah and Amber are talking in low, conspiratorial tones, and when Amber sees me, she shakes her head like ‘shh… we’ll talk about our super awesome secrets later.’

“Deborah!” Because seriously, fuck my dad for asking me to call her mom. “How can I help?”

I swear to God, I can see the dragon breath steaming from her nostrils and it takes everything in me not to pat myself on the back. My sister is scowling at me too, so I just ignore her, keeping my eyes on the largest threat. “I need you to peel the potatoes. Then chop them and put them in the pot. We’re going to finish everything else up.”

Moving over to the island, I sit down and grab the ten-pound bag of potatoes and the peeler, getting to work without further argument. I listen to the two of them half-heartedly for a few minutes until Bamber says something that sparks my interest.

“…so hot, mom, you don’t even understand. I think we really hit it off.” I cock an eyebrow to myself. I’m pretty sure I know who she’s talking about because it hasn’t been but a week since our impromptu hang out session.

“Reeeeally. Tell me about him then!” Deborah gets excited over every aspect of my sister’s dating life.

“So, he’s gotta be at least six foot four. He’s 32, his name is Beau Hudson, and he’s the defensive coach for the college. Division one coach! Muscles out to here.” She holds her hands out, exaggerating the diameter of his arms. Deborah’s giggle, which sounds more like a cackle, sounds like nails on a chalkboard. I want to cringe, but I can admit, Bamber isn’t wrong about them being big. Those muscles are yum-my. “He’s got dirty blonde hair and hazel eyes, too.”

“Blue.” Fuck me. I opened my mouth and I’m pretty sure I heard the record scratch to a halt like what-whaaaaat? Looking up at the two of them, I’m tempted to hold up my peeler in defense of the attack I swear is imminent. “What? They are. You were sitting right next to him, Bamber.”

“How would you know? I think I’d remember since his eyes were on me for most of the night,” she hisses. Bamber and I both know she’s full of shit, and I let her know I’m on to her with my over exaggerated eye-roll.

“I ran into him this week. Aside from the fact that I was there last weekend, he was also spearing me with glares for most of our interactions both times. They’re blue.”

“Harriet, I think it’s awfully inappropriate for you to be trying to create a relationship with someone that is actively interested in your sister. Besides, a man at thirty-two is a little old for you, don’t you think?”

My sister mumbles, “No fucking kidding.”

“Umm… I’m sorry? What world are you two inhabiting? I said he was glaring at me.”

“You can’t speak to people like that, pumpkin. Rudeness is uncalled for in this house,” my dad says as he walks into the kitchen with my brother Alexander following him.

Dropping my head to the counter, I’m not ashamed to say that it’s done with a fantastic dramatic flair. “What sweet hell am I in right now?” I groan out.

“What’s going on is you crossing lines. There’s a code, Harry. You don’t go after the same guy your sister is going after!” Amber cries out, then looks at our father with crocodile tears. “Daddy, there’s a boy that I’ve been talking to and turns out, she’s talking to him behind my back!”

“I’m hardly talking to him, more like accidental run-ins,” I defend.

“What the hell is going on in here?” Matthew, the oldest of us, asks as he walks into the room. Looking up, I see Jonathon behind him. Awesome, the whole fam-damn-ily is here.

“Harriet, you need to–” Deborah starts in on me again, but I stop her.

“No. Are you all kidding me right now? I fucking said that I ran into him. I didn’t go looking for him. The guy doesn’t even like me!”

“There’s no surprise there,” Amber snaps out and my dad shoots her an ineffective ‘dad’ look.

“So, the girls are fighting over a guy? Who’s the guy?” Jonathon asks no one in particular.

Amber is quick to sway them over to her side of a fight that’s completely absurd. “One of the college’s football coaches. I met him last weekend. Our little sister here is talking to him, noticing things like his eye color when she knows that I’m interested in him! Trying to tell me I’m wrong about them being hazel!”

I. Fucking. Explode. “BECAUSE HE HAS BLUE FUCKING EYES!” I drop the peeler on the counter when I feel it slice my finger. Christ, that hurt! Apparently, I was squeezing the shit out of it. “Goddamnit…” I curse, looking for a rag.

“Language! Everyone just needs to calm down. I’m sure this is all just a misunderstanding. Why don’t we sit and talk about this together?” Dad looks around dumbfounded as everyone, except for me, starts talking at once.

“I’m getting a beer.” That’s Matthew.

“Don, you can’t possibly be okay with her treating her sister like this!” Deborah snaps at him.

“Daddy, it’s not fair!” Bamber whines to him.

Alexander just sits down, shaking his head. “Why the hell did we come over if all we are getting is some bullshit girl drama?”

I know I’m not helping the situation when I growl out, “Same Alex… fucking same.”

“Enough of the language!” Dad barks out at me, and I wince.

“I’m not even hungry anymore. This is complete and utter bullshit, Harry!” Amber cries out. She just won’t let it go. It’s like they’re not hearing a word that comes out of my mouth.

Dad, Deborah, my brothers and sister all start arguing over the top of each other. When I feel my phone vibrate, I pull it out with the hand not slowly leaking out my life blood. I snort a laugh when I read the text.

Unknown: Haddie, this is Beau Hudson. The guy from the library with the football players. I got your number from your friend, Addie. Sorry if this is a bad time, but I was wondering if I could persuade you to give some of my players assistance with bringing their grades up. I know you mentioned you could help them, so I wanted to see what that would entail.

As I scan the message, another text pops up with another paragraph. Beau Hudson is a quick texter. I’m impressed. I don’t bother to suppress my giggle when I read the rest.

Unknown: Also, I wanted to apologize for misunderstanding what I walked into at the library. I didn’t know you were staff there. Would you be available to talk sometime this evening? I can compensate you too, if necessary.

“This isn’t funny, Harry!” Amber screeches at me.

“No, it’s not funny. It’s freaking hilarious.” I’m tempted to tell her who just messaged me. I want to say it’s to prove that the guy has no interest in me except for helping him out. But, secretly? I want to rub in her face that he texted me. Talk about the perfect ammo to go ka-boom in the middle of this awesome family bonding time!

The only thing holding me back is the look of pleading desperation on my father’s face. “Haddie…” he begs me.

“Look, you all have completely missed the mark on what is happening here.” Holding my phone up, I wave it at them and keep talking before anyone can say anything else. “Something work related came up, so I have to go. Sorry about dinner, but I’m going to escape before we all descend into the bowels of claws, tears, and running mascara.”

“It’s a family night, pumpkin.” I know dad doesn’t want me to go, but everyone else’s response is enough for me to know that my presence here is only going to create unwanted tension. They don’t want me here.

“Just let her go if she doesn’t want to spend time with us, Don,” Deborah seethes out, her arms crossed. She stands partially in front of Bamber like I’m the one that she needs protection from.

“Yeah, I’m gonna go. I’ll call you later.” I give my dad a quick kiss on the cheek and wave at my brothers, who don’t seem like they could care either way if I stayed or left. “Nice seeing you guys.”

I ignore the bickering behind me as Amber and Deborah explode, directing it all at dad. The uneasy surge of guilt turns in my stomach. I’ve left him there to deal with the shit show I inadvertently contributed to, and that sickens me, but I just can’t stay here for the rest of the evening. This all went south so fast, and I feel like I forgot to wear my seatbelt for the inevitable crash.

Sliding into Marcus’s car, I put my actual seatbelt on and connect my phone to Bluetooth. Dialing the number Beau texted me from, I listen to it ring as I pull out of my family’s driveway and head home.

“Hello?”

“Oh Captain, my Captain! I hear you have need of me.”

Chapter 5

Ride my Spaceship

Beau

“Oh Captain, my Captain! I hear you have need of me.”

I press my lips together tightly so she doesn’t hear the sigh escape me. Getting irritated with her when I’m about to ask for a favor probably isn’t in my best interest, but damn if she doesn’t push my buttons.

“Haddie, thank you for giving me a call.”

“Happy.”

“Excuse me?”

She giggles through the phone. “Nevermind. You messaged you wanted to ask me a favor. What did you need?”

After going through everything with my players this week, we all determined very quickly that we need help. Even though their professors were willing to give them the extra credit needed to bring their grades up, we were screwed with the tutors. Most of the qualified students weren’t around this summer. They were going to have to cycle through multiple tutors for each subject, and schedule them around practices. It would become a nightmare.

Turns out, the library has a program where they’ve got stored videos for a lot of the topics, plus Haddie Byer is qualified as well. I hate admitting it, but the guys like her. They respect her, and she got them motivated during the short amount of time she was helping them out. If she’d be willing to put in extra time, we could limit the number of tutors we’d have to organize. She’s perfect, and we need her.

“So, here’s the thing. My players and I really appreciated all the information you’ve given us to find the assistance we need to get them caught up. The problem, like you stated, is that a lot of the available tutors are gone for the summer. The few who are still here already have a packed schedule. We’re struggling to find consistency without having to keep swapping between people.”

“Yeah, summers are really hard for scheduling. Have their instructors given them additional projects for extra credit?”

“They have. They’ve all been surprisingly willing to extend grace to them, considering how badly they’ve dropped the ball.”

“No pun intended, right?”

I ignore her joke, pressing forward. “Even Colton only needs to retake one class. The other three classes he can make up with the extra work.” I pause to give her a moment to insert another quip, but this time, she doesn’t. I’m relieved that she seems to understand the seriousness of their situation. “What I wanted to ask was if you’d be willing to give us some of your time over the summer to work with them. I’m aware that some of these topics may not be your expertise, but you have the resources to at least guide them in the right direction. Haddie–”

“Happy,” she cuts in. “I much prefer that, Captain.”

Huffing out an exhausted laugh, I shake my head at her through the phone. “Fine. Happy. Would you help us? I can pay you.”

“Yeah… umm, no. I don’t want to be paid. You’ve got nice boys, so I have no issues giving them a hand. What’s their practice schedule like? Maybe we can try to work some of the time while I’m already there.”

Her response surprises me. I can’t believe she doesn’t want anything for all the extra work. “If you don’t want to be paid, what do you want?”

She’s gone quiet, so I peer at my phone to make sure our call hasn’t disconnected. “Haddie?”

“Yeah?”

“Did you hear me?”

“Mhmm, I’m choosing not to answer you.”

“I don’t understand.” I’m thankful she’s willing to help us, but conversing with her is difficult. It feels like I’m walking through a fun house at a carnival. No idea which direction she’s leading me in.

“I said you don’t need to pay me. I’m happy to help. Don’t you think if I wanted something, I’d say ‘Hey, instead of paying me, I’d rather if you dot dot dot’? Chris, this is quite literally my job. If you all are willing to work around my schedule for the most part, I don’t mind putting in a few extra hours when needed.”

“Umm… okay?” I’m not sure what to say now, or how to respond to her calling me Chris. “Are you sure? That seems…” I trail off, my words failing me.

“Like a really nice thing to do? I know, right? Told you I was a nice girl. So, when do you want me?”

I can hear the smirk in her voice, like she finds it funny that she’s thrown me off my game. “Would you be willing to meet with them tomorrow afternoon? We have morning practice, but should be done no later than one. Possibly earlier.”

“So, I actually don’t work tomorrow. I’ll need at least an hour to get there. The bus near me picks up around a quarter after each hour, so if you all don’t want to wait on me, can you just text me with a heads up?”

“You don’t have a car?” What person her age doesn’t have transportation?

“If I had a car, I wouldn’t be taking a bus, silly.” She laughs at me.

Odd, but I can deal with that. “What if I pick you up on my way? That way, you don’t get stuck waiting around for us?”

“Ooohhh, I can take a ride in your spaceship?” The excitement in her voice is cute, but goddamnit if I can’t get her off this Captain Kirk thing.

This time my sigh is audible. “Haddie, do you want me to pick you up?”

“HAPPY, and fine. If you really want to.” She sounds disappointed in me for not playing along.

“Perfect. Text me your address and I’ll let you know when I’m on my way. Thank you for this. You’re saving all our asses.”

“…asses…” she mumbles to herself. At least I think that’s what she said.

“What?” I ask her.

“What?”

“You said–”

She interrupts me. “So, tomorrow then. I’ll await your spaceship, Captain. Talk to you then. Bye!” The phone disconnects.

I’m left frozen on the couch, staring at my phone that shows me our phone call was a little over ten minutes. Unsure of what just happened at the end of our conversation, I shake my head and set it down on the cushion next to me.

I don’t know what to make of Haddie Byer, but tomorrow’s spaceship ride should be interesting, to say the least.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The moment Haddie slides into the passenger seat, she’s got her hand covering her mouth as she tries to hold in her laughter. Face turning pink, her shoulders shaking, and her eyes are beginning to water as she runs her eyes over the dashboard.

“What?” I ask her, looking around for any indication of what has her about to lose her shit.

Snorting, she shakes her head. “Nothing, nothing. Sorry.” She tucks her light pink lips between her teeth in an obvious attempt to stop laughing. What the hell is so funny?

“Seriously, why are you laughing?” Looking down at myself, I study my clothes and determine I’m not dressed weirdly. I don’t have any food stains on my shirt, and a quick look in the rearview mirror shows there’s nothing on my face.

I scowl at her when she snorts out a laugh again, and claps her hands over her mouth. “I’m sorry. I’m not… not laughing at you. Promise.”

“I doubt that,” I grumble as I put the car in drive. My phone is connected to my GPS, and it directs me to make a U-turn so we can head in the other direction.

Apparently, that’s enough for Haddie to lose it, and she bursts out laughing. “Oh God. Your car is an actual spaceship!” She looks around her and then eyes the center display again, grinning from ear to ear. “What kind of car is this?”

“What in the hell are you talking about? It’s an Infiniti SUV. Why?” I’m so goddamn confused right now.

“It’s just… come on, Captain, this thing has dials and displays and gauges. It’s freaking awesome. You have your own space craft that talks to you! Do you go to places where no man has gone before? We should go explore. Go boldly where no man has gone before!” Her giggling is lighthearted, and I know she doesn’t mean any harm. I just don’t know how to react, which means I end up sounding like a dick when I respond.

“Are you always this weird?” I want to take it back almost immediately when those words escape my mouth.

Her smile falters, and the light in her eyes dims slightly. “Yeah, sorry. I’m one of those people that lets their mouth run away from them before their brain catches up. So… How was practice?”

“I didn’t mean–” The wave of her hand cuts me off.

“No worries. Thank you for picking me up. Truly, the bus would have been fine, but I appreciate not having to use it.” Still feeling guilty for hurting the feelings of the person who’s doing me a huge favor, I let her change the subject.

“It’s no problem. So, why don’t you have a car?” I ask, curious because even though we live in a bigger city, things are pretty spread out. Most people have access to some sort of vehicle. I imagine she makes decent money where she works.

Shrugging, she looks out the window to watch the buildings as we fly past them. “Cars are expensive. Gas, maintenance, buying the vehicle itself, tires. When I need to go home home, I just borrow my friend’s car.”

“Where’s home?”

“It’s about a half an hour north. I suppose it’s not really my home anymore, but my dad and stepmom live there. Are you from this area originally?”

“Sort of, a couple of hours from here.” I don’t say anything else. It’s not that I mind talking about my home, but inevitably, talk of family follows and it’s not always my favorite topic.

I glance over at her and see that she’s chewing on her lip. The silence is a little awkward and I try to think of something to say to alleviate it. I swear, I’ve never felt this awkward talking to someone before.

“So, do you have any sib–”

“Do you ever wonder if transformers are real?”

My mouth snaps shut. What? “Uhh…”

Letting out a nervous laugh, she continues on the most bizarre train of thought. “I mean, if you think about it, it’s not out of the realm of possibilities. I’m not saying that they could be aliens or anything, although I won’t throw that idea out because who knows? It’s a huge universe. But you know that, Captain. All I mean is… well, robots, right? Technology has come so far, so who knows if they’ve been able to create that level of artificial intelligence? Then, that leads one to consider the possibility that they’ve become self-aware. I don’t know about you, but I would think that the first thing on their minds would be how to feel more human.”

She trails off a moment before shocking me. “I bet they’d want to have sex. Can’t get much more human than that.”

“I’m, umm, not sure… Where are you going with this?” I’m not uncomfortable with the fact that this woman I barely know is talking about sex. It’s the fact that she’s encased it in so much random shit that I don’t know if she’s joking or not.

She flushes and mumbles, “I’m not some crazy woman or anything.”

“I didn’t say you were.” My brows furrow, not liking that she put herself down. Probably because I called her weird earlier. Being an ass isn’t something I intentionally do, but like her, sometimes I speak before thinking.

Sighing, she tilts her head back against the headrest of her seat and looks at the roof of the car. “No, you didn’t. I’d think I was, though. I write in my free time, and I like to write funny stories. I love reading all genres of books, but some of my favorites are paranormal romances. You know, like vampires and wolves.”

That doesn’t surprise me honestly, and my eyebrows raise in question for more explanation.

“There’s a ton of stuff out there. Books where ideas try to top other ideas with how new and different they can be. Anyway, I read a few where people shifted into dinosaurs, or basilisk snakes, things like that. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed them, but I also thought it was funny and started thinking about odd pairings. Like right now, transformers starring in their own smut film. I’m not creative enough to come up with a good story, but a ridiculous one? That I can do. How funny would it be to read about a transformer? But not one of those muscle cars or a big rig or something. What if it was a super old, puke yellow Volvo? He’s rolling down some old country road and gets hot and bothered by a brand new, pretty little stop sign. How would that happen?”

“Your creativity is a bit beyond my comprehension, I’m afraid.”

I glance over when she’s silent and I see her chewing on her lip. Eventually, she blushes and looks out the window. “That’s probably the nicest insult anyone has ever given me.”

Fuck. “I wasn’t trying to insult you.”

She simply waves me off. “No worries, Cap.”

I really don’t want to have another stilted fake conversation with her. In an odd, sort of nutty way, she’s actually quite endearing. There’s also something in my gut telling me not to brush this off, like it’s actually more important to her than she’s letting on.

Clearing my throat, I tap my thumb on the steering wheel as I glance over at her. “So, aside from being a librarian extraordinaire, you’re also a writer?”

Haddie snorts out a self-deprecating laugh. “You could say that. It brings great shame upon my father’s house, but it’s fun… Hannahbanana.”

“Come again?” I’m not sure if I heard her correctly. She sort of mumbled out that last thing.

Her lip tilts up on the side when she repeats herself, enunciating what she said, but not removing me from my confused state. “Hannah. Banana.”

“What do you mean ‘Hannah Banana’?”

“That’s my pen name. I’ve got a bunch of short stories out there on the interwebs. The stuff I write can be pretty sexually graphic, but I’ve gained quite a following. I don’t write under my name because of my job. Not that I’m ashamed of it or anything, but you know…” Haddie waves her hand in the air toward my general direction and finishes. “People. People can be real freaking judgy.”

My head bounces from side to side in thought as I consider what she said, ignoring that she lumped me in with people who judge. “They can be, for sure. But if you enjoy it, there’s no shame in that. It’s a unique hobby, that’s for sure.” Eyeing her from the corner of my vision, I attempt to throw her off balance. Gain a little even footing. “I’d love to read something sometime.”

It’s comical how quickly her head jerks to stare at me, eyes wide and mouth hanging open. “Shut up.”

“No, I won’t shut up.” It’s easy to keep a straight face and pretend nonchalance with her.

I can’t hold back a bark of laughter when she smacks me on my shoulder with one of the weakest efforts I’ve ever encountered. “Chris! Don’t tease me so. Because if you’re messing with me, I’m going to make you read the most disturbing one I’ve got. I have literally no shame.”

Laughing softly, I pull my SUV into a parking spot in front of the library, putting it in park. Turning toward her, I brace my elbow on the wheel and rest my face against my fist. “Bring it on, Haddie.”

“Happy.”

“Happy. I’m sure I can handle your idea of disturbing.” Running my eyes down her body then back up, I flash her a quick smile. I’m not sure when I started enjoying her, but her quick and unpracticed reactions have me entertained, if nothing else. “I’m not sure I believe you can write something that would shock me.”

Glowering at me, she leans back and crosses her arms. “For that attitude, I’m going to make you wait, and you can read the one about my transforming Volvo. It’s going to be epically messed up, just for you.”

My body leans forward, excited by her threat. “There’s no way you’ll shock me. I’m surrounded by immature, hormonal guys that love to say the nastiest shit in the locker rooms.”

“You drive a hard bargain.”

I blink. Fuck me, she did it again. “What?”

Her smile grows slowly, and that hint of wickedness is fucking sexy. “That’s the title of it. I’ve just decided. A little double entendre if you will. You’ve challenged me and it really fits the theme. I want something from you if I manage to shock you.” I want to say that she is being cocky, but she actually seems really excited by the prospect of the challenge I’ve presented her with.

Turning off my SUV, I fist my keys and eye her warily. “What do you want?”

“Oh my God, wait. I probably shouldn’t ask for anything. Aren’t you dating my sister? She’d be really pissed if I made you do something for me when I blow your mind. She’s kind of a bitch, fyi. I feel like now that we’re such good friends, you should know.”

I rear back, shocked by the vomit of words she just spouted.

“What the hell are you talking about? Who’s your sister?” I literally have no clue what she’s talking about.

I hate that I think it’s cute when she tilts her head to the side to study me. “Bamber?”

“Who the fuck is Bamber?”

She sighs dramatically and this time, I’m irritated by it. I don’t like being in the dark about things, especially when it comes to women in connection with me. “Amber. Amber Byer? My sister. You know, the blonde who was all over your arm the other night down at O’Reilly’s Pub? She told you I was her sister.”

I shake my head slowly, trying to remember that night. “Honest to God, Happy. I barely remember the woman, let alone anything she said. And I’m certainly not dating her.”

Her explosion of tittering laughter catches me off guard. Waving me away, she tries her best to stifle it. “Sorry, sorry. God, it’s like I’m constantly apologizing. It’s just that she thinks you’re dating. To where our family dinner became World War Three. No joke. Hold on, open your eyes for me.”

“Jesus, woman. I can’t make heads or tails of this entire conversation!” I feel so fucking agitated. I’m a smart guy, but Haddie has me off center in a bad way.

“Hush, I know. Again, super sorry. Just, please, open your eyes so I can look at them.”

Huffing out, I decide to say fuck it, and just do what she wants. Maybe she’ll eventually let me catch up and sit at the big kid’s table. Widening my eyes, I stare at her unblinkingly. She mimics my action and we stare at each other silently while her eyes dart back and forth across mine.

In the sunlight, it’s easy to notice that the color of her eyes is a piercing green with gold flecks in the irises. The color is so unique that my breath stalls as we’re locked together, Haddie studying me so closely that she can probably read my soul.

It jars me, and I jerk back, looking away from her. “Had enough?”

“Freaking blue. I knew it.” Her smug answer confuses me even further.

Snapping at her, I don’t hide my frustration. “Knew what, Haddie?”

“Hap–”

I cut her off. “Yeah, I get it. Happy. Fucking explain now, so we’re not late getting in there.”

This time I ignore it when she flinches, and when another blush crawls up her freckled cheeks. “The fight with my family. Amber was telling our stepmom about you and kept insisting that your eyes were hazel, among other ah-mazing attributes you have. When I informed her that your eyes were in fact not hazel, but blue, shit hit the fan. Anyway, it doesn’t matter. We’re going to be late getting in there, you know. We’ll figure out what you owe me later when I rock your world. Got some ballers to get up to par, am I right?”

With that, she flashes me a broad smile with perfectly straight, white teeth, then grips the handle to hop out of my SUV.

Jesus Christ, I can’t keep up with this woman.

Chapter 6

Squirrel Nuts

Haddie

Beau makes me feel unbalanced, and when I’m floundering, I know my mouth gets extra gauche.

I swing my bag in front of me and dig through it as I speed walk toward the library to get a moment alone while I recenter my crazy. Wrenching my phone free of the receipts and other random objects I don’t need; I swipe the screen to search for my text thread with Marcus.

Me: 911!!! I need you to tell me to stop being me.

Marcus: Never.

Marcus: Wait. You’re with the Captain, aren’t you?

Me: God, YES! Foot-in-mouth is a real condition. For the love of God, I need to be talked down.

Marcus: You’re nothing but extra special and fantastic. It’s okay to be yourself.

Me: Marcus. I need you to hear me right now. I PLOTTED A BOOK. With him. In the car. He had no escape.

Marcus: … God no.

Me: I know…

Marcus: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!??!?!

I look skyward and groan. Beau’s footsteps are hurriedly approaching from behind me, and I need Marcus to give me what I need now.

Me: MARCUS. NOW. Help me.

Marcus: Okay okay okay… Hear me out. You are who you are, and there’s nothing wrong with that. I love you so SO SO SO SO SO…

Me: Marcus…

Marcus: SO SO SO SO SO SO SO MUCH. Take a minute and remind yourself that you’re a professional woman and you’re damn good at your job. All you need to do is take a slow breath before you actually open your trap and spew forth the filth that pops into your head. Your brain moves too quickly. This way, it’ll give the other fifty thoughts that are a little slower to emerge to have a fighting chance.

Me: I love you more than squirrels love nuts.

Marcus: I love you more than pimps love canes.

Snorting out a laugh, I let my shoulders drop from where they were pressed against my ears in embarrassment. Fucking Marcus.

“What’s so funny?” Beau’s rumbling voice asks from my side.

I sigh, knowing that my time is up and I need to pull up my big girl panties and act like a normal, functioning human being. Opening my mouth to respond with ‘squirrel nuts’, I freeze. Christ, Marcus is right.

With a slow intake of breath and a rapid flick of my eyes to the side to see him staring down at me with poorly tempered impatience, I blow my air out noisily. Wow. Look at all those pretty normal thoughts drifting in behind teeny tiny nuts.

“I just read a text message from my best friend and he said something funny.” Professional, not weird, and normal. I’m proud of that response.

If it’s possible, Beau’s face turns even more sour than a moment ago. “What’s wrong with you?”

I stumble over my feet, blasted by the hurt that strikes against me with his question. It’s my family’s favorite question to toss around whenever I interject in family dinner talk.

Beau’s hand, which is annoyingly warm and firm, grasps my elbow to prevent me from face planting into the steps in front of us. He jerks me back and my body slams into his, my face hitting his chest and fuck! My fucking nose.

“God, you’re so hard!” I complain, rubbing it, but stop when the brick house of a man in front of me bursts out laughing. My body is still up against his, so the vibration of his chest rattles through me the way I imagine one of those alpha wolves from my books would purr.

The sound rolls through his body, and I can’t stop the hand holding my throbbing nose from reaching out and laying against him to feel the rumble. “Wow,” I whisper, and jerk it back when he abruptly stops at the sound of my voice, pressing my hand against my own chest now.

My eyes find Beau’s face and I’m embarrassed to see that he’s staring at my hand where it lays over my heart. His brows are furrowed, and he seems flustered by whatever thoughts are coming to the surface. Welcome to my world, Captain.

Clearing my throat, I force out a stilted laugh. “Sooo, sorry about that! Yeah, your pectorals are pretty firm there, Captain. About broke my nose!”

I fist my hands next to my sides and bounce them off the sides of my thighs as I look around at anything but him. Whistling feels like a thing I want to do right now, but I refrain from making this any more awkward.

“You going to be okay? Because we really need to get in there. The boys should already be working.” I’m not sure if he’s just going to ignore everything that’s happened in the past half an hour, but I appreciate his attempt to move us on from this atrocious interaction.

Scratching my nose, I wrinkle it when I feel a small twinge from my recent injury, then give him my best attempt at a ‘let’s pretend I’m not psycho’ smile. “Sure, Cap. Thanks for catching me.”

Spinning on my heel, I jog up the stairs to the entrance of the library, not waiting for him to respond. At this point, I’d prefer to continue the afternoon with minimal conversation between the two of us. It’ll save me from further embarrassment and more questions about ‘what’s wrong with me’.

Beau beats me to the door and holds it open for me to go through first. Mumbling a soft thanks, I skirt through the door and find his players sitting at one of the tables against the far wall. At least I know I can handle a few football players.

Weaving between the tables, my phone buzzes. The quick exchange shared with Marcus has me snorting out loudly, and I wave off an apology to the students I distracted.

Marcus: Soo… plotted out a new book? Gimme details.

Me: Yellow Volvo and a stop sign.

Marcus: Title?

Me: You Drive a Hard Bargain.

Marcus: I’m giggling.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Three hours of pulling lecture slides, recordings, and reference materials has me absolutely beat. It wasn’t the actual work itself that was draining, because this is what I do almost daily. Instead, it was the constant, active vocal restraint to watch what I say and how I acted in front of Beau.

You’d probably think that the more ‘normal’ I behaved, the easier our conversation would ebb and flow. Unfortunately for me, this wasn’t the case. Beau rarely took his eyes off me while I flitted around the table to work with each of his guys. He has this permanent crease between his brows now from how hard he has been frowning at me.

When Antoine made the comment ‘it’s so hard’, I bit my tongue to hold back my automatic ‘that’s what she said’. It took everything in me to stay silent and not laugh when Colton managed the comment a few seconds after I would have.

I’d be willing to bet that my face turned red from the strain. A quick glance at Beau showed narrowed, considering eyes, like he was just waiting for it. Waiting for me to crack another joke, yet again. When I said nothing, instead of him relaxing, one of those muscles in his jaw popped in irritation.

I’ll need to remember to add that to one of my books. It’s sexy as hell.

“Haddie? I don’t think these slides are the right lecture. This is talking about shit we never touched on last semester.” Colton looks defeated as he clicks through them.

Looking away from Beau’s intense stare, I sit next to Colton and grab his syllabus to verify the class number with his professor’s outline. Then I examine the notes and attendance history and see that this was one of the multiple lectures he missed when he skipped class.

Giving him a reassuring smile, I’m gentle with my delivery. “Colton, this is the correct one. I’ll help you work through it, but this is one of the first topics you missed when she covered it in class. It looks like it will teach you some of the basic theory foundations, which, if you nail these, should make the rest of the work easier. Don’t feel frustrated by it. I’ll go over it with you, then you can practice by completing the assignment. I think you’ll find the remaining work to be a lot easier going forward. We got this, alright?”

My heart goes out to the kid when he lets out the longest sigh, sounding completely defeated. “I fucking hate this shit.”

Chuckling softly, I pat him on the shoulder. “It’s not so bad. We’ve got all summer. One step at a time, buddy.” Taking the computer mouse from him, I move the slide back to the first one. “Start here. Read through the notes and the corresponding pages in your textbook. Then practice the problems that she demonstrates until you can solve them without looking at the answers. Move through them slowly. I’ll help you with this first one.”

Colton gives me a weary smile and nods his head, pulling his notebook closer and clicking his pen to start writing. Glancing over at Beau, I see him dart his eyes away from me and back to his computer, where he types quickly. He’s been keeping track of everything I’ve set up for his boys, so they’ve now got a written plan laid out as a guide for the next few months.

Tyler calls me to him next, and once I’ve got him situated, I lean back in my chair and rub the back of my neck. My muscles are tight from the stress of the day, and I’m beginning to feel stabby. Hunger can be a torturous bitch.

“Sorry. This is taking longer than we planned.” Beau’s voice was unexpected and I jerk my eyes up to his, noting his worry that I’m upset. “You doing okay?”

Nodding, I force a smile. “I’m all good, Captain.” The boys snicker at my nickname for their coach, and my smile turns genuine when Beau delivers a small kick to their shins.

I’m impressed with Beau’s firmness with them, and it’s clear that even though they push the line with their teasing, they have a ton of respect for him. It makes me curious what his job actually entails. I attended a few games when I went to school here, but not since I was hired as staff. Basic concepts of the game are easy enough to follow, throw the ball around and get it into the end zone. It’s the rules and technicalities that elude me. I want to ask him to explain it all, not because the game is fascinating, but because I’m curious about what he does.

“Alright guys. I think we’ve used up enough of Miss Byer’s time this afternoon. Do any of you have any questions or concerns before we call it a day?” He eyes each one of them and probably notices the same thing that I do. They’re exhausted. Both physically and mentally. Practice all morning, then hours staring at lectures. It would be taxing on anyone.

The four of them all shake their heads and look relieved to be done for the day. Teasing them, I elbow Tyler with a smile. “You all don’t need to look so happy to be rid of me.”

The kid towers over me, even with both of us sitting, and when he looks down at me to respond, I notice his eyes drop to my chest. Beau’s warning growl has Tyler’s eyes shooting as far away from me as possible. He clears his throat, but doesn’t answer me.

That was… unexpected. Not that he looked at my cleavage, but that Beau reacted in that way. Probably for no other reason than it’s inappropriate, but it makes me feel good that he felt the need to warn them to begin with.

With an aggressive bite to his voice, he snaps out, “Pack your shit up. Do the work before you all meet up with Miss Byer next week. She’ll let me know if you’re not prepared.”

Surprised, I look at Beau. “You’re not going to be here when we meet again?”

I’m disappointed when he’s quick to shake his head. “No. I’ll check in down the road, but they’re big boys. They know they need to handle their shit and what the expectations are. You ready to go?”

I know he’s not my biggest fan, and that I shouldn’t feel hurt by his dismissal and eagerness to be rid of me, but I am. I’m not sure what I expected, but this is a favor for him. I’m bummed that seeing him isn’t in his plan over the foreseeable future.

Pushing aside the irritation with him, which I can admit he doesn’t deserve, I’m overly chipper with my answer. “Yup!” I say a quick goodbye to the boys and confirm the next time I’ll meet with them, so we’re all on the same schedule. Standing up, I grab my bag and smile at Beau. “Ready when you are, Cap.”

Eyeing me curiously, he says a gruff goodbye to his team, and without waiting, heads toward the exit of the library. I feel a bit foolish chasing after him and briefly consider just bussing it home, but the next one doesn’t run for another forty minutes and I really am hungry.

It’s nice to see that he eventually remembers I’m trailing behind him when he stops at the door to hold it open for me. Mumbling out a “Thank you,” I skirt past him and speed walk to his vehicle. I consider again to offer I take the bus, but I’m selfish. I also don’t think my ego could handle him saying yes.

The ride back to my apartment begins in silence. Not the good kind where it’s compatible, but the kind where we’re both aware that neither of us knows what to say. I feel like I’ve done something wrong and pissed him off. Whether it was before today, during the drive, or something I did while in the library, I’m unsure. I just don’t like this feeling, knowing he doesn’t want to be around me. I can’t stand the quiet anymore, so I do what I do best, forcing myself not to care if he finds me annoying. I make jokes.

“Why did the football coach go to the bank?”

“Huh?” Beau must have been lost in thought, because he jerks his head sideways briefly to glance at me when I break the silence. “What’d you say?”

Sighing, I turn to watch him. Joke delivery always falls a few notches when you have to repeat yourself. The worst is when you have to explain the punchline, though.

“I said, why did the football coach go to the bank?” Drumming my fingers on my thigh, I relax slightly when the corner of his mouth tilts up.

“I don’t know. Why did the football coach go to the bank?” Thank you for playing along, Captain.

“To get his quarterback.”

Huffing out a tiny laugh, he shakes his head at me. “Terrible, Happy. That’s just terrible.”

I grin at his unprompted use of ‘Happy’ and deliver another one. “What happens to football players when they go blind?”

Flashing me a smile, he signals his car to exit the highway when his GPS indicates my exit is coming up. “Hmm…” He thinks it over then shrugs. “What happens?”

Chuckling, I say, “They become referees.”

“Facts.”

“Which insect doesn’t play well in football?”

Snorting out a laugh, Beau asks, “Did you prep yourself on corny football jokes before I picked you up today?”

“Clearly,” I sniff at him. “Answer my question.” I relax into the seat and hope for a few extra red lights to prolong the drive to my place. Even if he doesn’t want to spend an extended amount of time around me, I find that I like his stoic demeanor. He’s a challenge to me and I really want to know what a full-bodied laugh sounds like coming from him.

“No clue, funny girl.” A shiver runs through my arms when he delivers a wink.

“A fumble bee.”

Shaking his head, he doesn’t laugh, but he is reluctantly smiling. “Jesus. Where did you find these? Just awful.”

Pointing at him, I glare playfully. “I’ll have you know, I only scour the highest of quality google websites. The first link is always the best.”

“Sure, I’ll let you believe that. What’s a librarian’s favorite drink?”

I’m not sure I hear him correctly, but I know all the words that came out of his mouth. Is he telling me a joke? Slowly, I blink at him in shock and ask, “What is it?”

Completely serious and without cracking a smile, he rocks my world.

“Tequila Mockingbird.”

Peals of laughter burst out of me. There’s no way he knows how perfect that was for me. Beau has a proud smirk as I wipe my tears away. “Perfection, Captain. Absolute perfection. Tequila is my favorite, too!”

“Why am I not surprised? You seem like a tequila girl.”

My smile is huge even though I don’t know what it means to be a ‘tequila girl’, then falls when I see my apartment up ahead.

“Ahh, home sweet home. Thank you for the ride today.”

Parking on the street, he turns to face me as I grab my bag and prepare to jump out of his SUV. “Thank you for today, Had… Happy. I’m sure the guys really appreciate all your help.”

The guys appreciate me. Not you? I don’t ask because no one needs to seek out compliments. It’s a pathetic move and I honestly don’t need it. It’s what I’m good for, after all.

“Sure thing. I’m happy to help.” With a quick look toward my building, I face him after I open my door. “Guess I’ll see you around, Beau.”

I don’t give him a chance to respond. Jumping out of the car, I turn to shut the door, but not before I catch his face fall into a look of confusion, maybe even disappointment, as the closing door separates us.

He’s pulling away from the curb before I even make it to my building.

Chapter 7

Back in My Day

Beau

Dropping my keys on the kitchen counter, I lean down to kiss my mom on the cheek. “Hey mom. Smells good in here.”

Rosemary Hudson has been a savant in the kitchen for as long as I can remember. Without formal training, she’s been able to create dishes that would put a five-star chef to shame. I’ve been spoiled throughout my entire life, and now a bit of a snob when I eat out with friends.

Setting her spoon to the side, she quickly wipes her hands off to cup my face. “Let me look at you.” Running her eyes over my face, she presses her lips together, then pulls me down to kiss my forehead. “You seem tired, honey. Are they working you too hard?”

I am tired, but not because I’m overworked. A certain red head has been distracting me when I lay down at night, keeping me from sleep as I work through my feelings about her.

On the surface, you’d think her mouth and bubbly personality are simply who she is. She’s crass and inappropriate at times, but when I watched her with my team last week in the library, it was easy to see that there was more to her than how she presents herself.

Haddie Byer is beautiful. There’s no denying that. She doesn’t look like someone I normally date. Her sister actually fits more of the type I’ve historically gone for, but Haddie is unique. Her hair is a riot of red, slightly auburn waves, barely kept in control even when she ties it up. Vivid green eyes that can pierce you through the chest when she gives you her full attention. Cupid bow lips that are full and immediately make one imagine what it’d be like to kiss them.

She’s much shorter than her sister, from what I remember. Where Amber has legs that go on forever, big tits, tiny waist, and a toned figure, Haddie is the opposite. She’s short. Maybe one would consider her petite. Her curves are less defined, but she’s got them. I noticed almost immediately once she caught my attention. With fair skin, her freckles sprinkled across her nose and cheeks stand out in the summer sun. It’s adorable, which is new for me. I never thought I’d find freckles sexy, but on her, they really fucking are.

Aside from the way she looks, it’s her that has me the most torn up and confused. Sure, I found her inability to be serious irritating at first. But it was the way she reacted when I insulted her that made me think that some of her jokes are just a cover. There seems to be some insecurities there, although I’m not sure what they’re about. She’s also incredibly kind and patient. Fucking smart as hell, quick-witted, easy to banter with, just. And I hate saying this because I feel like people only say it when someone isn’t attractive, but she’s got a phenomenal personality.

I’ve never met someone like her before. I want to know more. I want to know why she held herself back from being herself at the library. Why did it bother me when she called me by my name instead of ‘Captain’ or ‘Chris’? I’ve made her uncomfortable around me, and I don’t like that one bit.

“Beau?”

The sound of mom’s voice jerks me out of my swirling thoughts. Smiling gently down at her, I grab her hands where they’re still warming my cheeks and give them a light squeeze.

“I’m alright. Haven’t been sleeping great, but nothing to be worried about.” I can hear the lie in my voice and silently thank my mom for not calling me out on it.

She eyes me dubiously before patting my cheek and turning back to the stove. “Have you seen your father yet?”

“Not yet. Wanted to say hello to you first. You been good, ma?” She’s always been a quiet woman, introverted, and incredibly supportive of both me and my father. One of the sweetest women I’ve ever known, to be honest.

Smiling over her shoulder at me, she winks. “Never better. Although, I wish I’d get to see you more often. I suppose that’s a complaint every mother has when their only child disappears into the world to do his own thing. I feel like I haven’t seen you in ages.”

Huffing out a laugh, I shake my head at her. She’s full of shit. I see her every week for family dinner, and we talk on the phone two or three times in between. “Liar,” I tease.

“How are the boys? You get the ones causing trouble sorted out?” I told her about my worries of having to bench some of my best players because of their grades. She knows I got them set up with a tutor, but I haven’t told her about Haddie yet.

My father’s booming voice calls out from the living room. “What’s wrong with your boys?”

Rolling my eyes up in agitation, I pinch my nose because I know I’m going to hear it from him. Mom snickers and whispers, “Best go tell him about it.”

“Yeah. He’s going to be–”

George Hudson interrupts me, shouting out in his impatience. “BEAU! The hell is going on?”

Patting my butt when I turn to find my father, I playfully smack mom’s hand away and glare at her. “You get to deal with him after I leave,” I hiss at her, and she simply shrugs me away like it doesn’t matter.

As I walk into the living room, I find my father standing a few feet in front of the TV, remote in hand, as he backs up one of last season’s games. It was one of our few losses, but I know he’s going to have something to say. Dad likes to dwell and critique when he’s got nothing better to do.

“It’s a shame you don’t have Schneider or Williams this year. Those two carried the line. Looking forward to seeing them as pros.” He doesn’t look at me as he hits play, then crosses his arms to study my defense. Pausing, he points at two of my juniors and finally turns toward me. “Those two could be good if you can get them to pull their heads out of their asses and play smart.”

Seeing that he’s pointing at Tyler and one of my other guys, Derek King, I nod in agreement. “They’re good. I’ve got some younger ones that show a lot of promise, too.”

He looks at me like he doesn’t believe me and shuts off the game, tossing the remote on his chair. “What were you two talking about in there?”

I know that if I act like I’m concerned about the trouble with their grades, my father will go off the deep end. Inevitably, it’ll be my fault. My fuck up. I don’t have the energy or patience to deal with his endless disappointment tonight. So, instead, I wave him off.

“Nothing crazy. A few of my guys didn’t do so well in their classes over the spring semester. Just getting them back up to par so we don’t have any issues this fall. How you been this week?”

My attempt to redirect falls flat. I hold back a groan when he pulls his spine straight, standing at full height, and narrows his eyes at me. “How bad is it? How many are a ‘few of my guys’, Beau?”

“Dad,” I groan, rubbing my hand across my face. “It’s four of them. Three of them aren’t too bad. Just need to do some extra credit work. One of them is in deeper shit and close to losing his scholarship. But I don’t need you worrying about this. I’ve got it handled.”

“What? How the hell do you have it handled if four of your defensive line are about to be benched? What kind of lazy habits are you teaching them that they think this is acceptable?”

I’m instantly defensive. My job as the head defensive line coach is fucking tough, and I work my ass off. “Knock it off. I don’t know why you’re so worked up about it. It’s not your team.”

He opens his mouth to argue because he did play for the school a few decades ago, so his loyalty runs deep. I stop him before he blows a gasket.

“I’m not saying you don’t or shouldn’t care. I’m saying that I’ve got it handled. This happens to all of them at some point or another. They get comfortable and forget what they’re working for. We came out of an incredible season, and they went into the spring semester on a high, wanting to relax. Now they’re dealing with the consequences.”

“When I played, our coaches would never have allowed us to fall so far behind that we needed to retake classes. Although, my coaches were able to work with the school to allow a bit of leeway, especially for the boys they knew were going to go pro. Not like they need the degree.”

And here we go… always going with the ‘back in my day’ shit.

“It’s not just this school that has these regulations. Every college has the same requirements for scholarship students to maintain a certain GPA. There’s no way around it. I’ve got it handled.”

“How?” he snaps out.

This fucking man is impossible to please. For as long as I can remember, he’s always been tough on me. Never believing that I can succeed in what I do. If I accomplish something, instead of a ‘good job’ or an ‘I’m proud of you’, I get ‘you could have done this better’. It’s fucking draining and I don’t know why I even bother defending myself.

“I’ve set them up with one of the staff members in the library. Happy has them all on a lecture schedule and is working with them when they’re stuck or have questions about what’s next.”

He pauses and curls his lip at me. “You have them being tutored by someone named Happy? What kind of new generational shit is that? Who names their kid Happy?”

Christ. I’ve gotten used to calling her that at her insistence. Wincing slightly, I correct myself. “Sorry, not Happy. I meant Haddie. Her name is Haddie Byer.”

With one eyebrow lifted, he practically sneers at me. “So, you’ve got your guys walking the fine line of either being benched or kicked off the team, paired up with some woman you’ve nicknamed? You’ve got to take this shit serious and not throw your current flavor of the month in the mix, doing your job.”

“George!” Mom cuts in, scolding him for his attitude. Normally, she’ll let us run our course, but when he gets really heated, that’s when she steps in. “That’s not fair, and you know it. He just said that she works at the library.”

Shoving a finger at me, he defends himself while shouting at her. “He’s fucking calling her Happy. Relying on someone else to take care of his team!”

I’ve had enough of this. Stepping in front of my mom, I square my shoulders and stare my father down, who’s a few inches shorter than me. “Watch your fucking tone, old man.”

George has never raised his hand to either me or my mom, but he’s also never tempered his words. When he gets angry, he easily escalates into a rage and says things he can’t take back. Less with my mother than with me, but I refuse to be the reason he directs his ire at her.

“Don’t you talk to me like that in my house, boy.” He’s fuming, spittle flying out over something as ridiculous as a few players needing some tutoring.

Mom moves around me and steps between us. She’s taller than average for a woman, so it doesn’t take much for her to tilt her head back and glare up at my father. “George Hudson! You need to go take a walk until you calm down. This is nothing for either of you two to be arguing about. Let Beau do his job as he sees fit. I won’t have it tonight. I want a nice dinner with no football talk for the rest of the evening.”

“But Rosie, he’s gotta–”

“Now, George.” For being a quiet woman, she has never been afraid to stand up to him when he’s throwing a tantrum.

Shooting me a glare, he sniffs in irritation, then turns his back to me to walk outside.

I don’t take my eyes off him until he disappears, then I stay frozen in my spot as I battle with myself to calm down. Mom’s gentle pat to my shoulder pulls me out of my darker thoughts. Thoughts of never being good enough. Never making him proud. Never being the man he obviously expected me to become.

“Beau, honey. Ignore him. I’d say his blood sugar is probably low, but he’s just an ass. Come, tell me about this woman you’ve got working with you.”

My shoulders are tight as hell, and I just want to leave. I don’t have the energy to deal with him tonight. “Can I just head out? Maybe we can have dinner another night.”

Mom squares her shoulders and plants her fists on her hips. “Absolutely not. You two need to get over yourselves. Talk to me, Beau.”

“Fine.” I know I’m pouting, but I can’t say no to her. “What do you want to know about her?” I can easily hide how I feel about Haddie with my dad, but not mom. I’m dreading that she’ll see right through me. She’ll know that Haddie is something more than just a librarian to me.

“Tell me about her. What’s with the ‘Happy’ thing?”

I let out a dry chuckle. Fucking Happy. “I met her a few weeks ago when I went out with some friends down at O’Reilly’s. When she was introduced, I misheard and thought her name was Happy. It’s Haddie. She rolled with it and apparently loves the ‘happy’ thing. It’s sort of sticking.”

She covers her mouth when she laughs. “I like it. Does it fit her?”

Snorting, I cross my arms and lean back in the kitchen chair. “Oh yeah, she’s definitely a happy person.”

Mom’s smile slowly grows. “You like her?”

Shrugging, I decide to be honest. “I think so. She’s… different. Not in a bad way, just not like someone I’ve ever been interested in before. She throws me off.”

“Interesting... In what way? You said she works at the library?” I know she’s digging for more than what’s there, but I want to talk it out with someone. Mom is, and always has been, the safest person for me.

“Yeah, she’s one of the librarians there. Not sure how long she’s had the job, but she knows her shit. She’s very outspoken. Cracks jokes all the time and has an interesting side hobby. The woman has no filter and actually did research on awful football jokes before I picked her up last week. They were just awful mom.”

Both of her eyebrows raise when she realizes I know quite a bit about her and I chew on my lip, waiting for her feedback.

“Interesting…” she mumbles again, then trails off.

I’m not angry at her, but I glare nonetheless. “Spit it out, ma. I know you’ve got something rolling around in that head of yours.”

Smirking at me, she levels me with the same glare. I learned from the best.

“It’s interesting that she’s made an impression on you. Normally, when you talk about a woman, the first thing you typically describe is what she looks like. You haven’t described one thing about her physically.”

My jaw drops, then I snap it shut. “She’s really lovely. Long, wavy, crazy red hair, freckles, petite-ish. Bright green eyes.”

I get the ‘mom’ look from her before she leans forward on the counter, planting her chin in her hand, and studies me. “So, this Haddie. She works at the library and is meeting with your boys? Are you there too?”

“I was for the first meeting. Helped get them organized and set up a schedule. They’re meeting three times a week with her for a few hours.”

“That’s a lot of time for her to spend with just them while she’s at work.”

Shaking my head, I explain. “She doesn’t meet with them while she’s working all the time. Sometimes she comes in off hours to help out. From what the guys have told me, she’s been a huge help so far.”

Mom’s face drops into a scowl. “Wait a minute. She’s working with them after hours? Are you paying her?”

“No. She refused money. I did offer,” I defend. It still bothers me that she’s putting in all that work for nothing in return.

Tapping her fingers on her cheek in thought, she asks, “Did they ask her to help them? Or was it you?”

“Me. Why?”

Sighing loudly, she stands up and turns her back to me. “Oh, honey. You’re an idiot.”

“What the hell, ma?” I ask incredulously. What the hell did I do now?

“And you haven’t been there when they meet, aside from the first time?”

I love my mom, but right now, she’s pissing me off. “No. Why does that matter? They don’t need me there!”

Pointing at me with her spatula over her shoulder, she doesn’t look at me when she says, “You. Are. An. Idiot. I’m sure she’s happy to help them out, but she’s not there for them. She’s there for you. Kind of makes you an ass for not showing up. You ought to do something nice for her. That’s a lot of work for someone to put in for no pay and nothing in return. She likes you, sweetheart.”

My shoulders fall. I am an idiot. I don’t know if mom is entirely right about her being there for me, but I should have done something for her. Not dumping my guys on her shoulders and walking away like it’s not my problem.

“What should I do?” I ask softly.

Smiling at me like she used to when I was little and being silly, she walks over to pat me on the cheek. “I’m not sure, but you should do something. Show her you appreciate all her hard work. I’m sure those boys aren’t easy. Young men at that age can be a lot to handle.”

Fuck me.

I didn’t even think about the fact that they’ve already expressed an interest in her. It’s like I left her to the wolves without a care.

Quickly pulling out my phone, I type out a text. I already know she isn’t working tomorrow. She gave me her work schedule for planning purposes.

Me: I’ll pick you up tomorrow for the next meeting with my guys. 1 o’clock?

Happy: Aye Aye, Cap.

I smile when her response comes quick and I remember I changed her name to ‘Happy’ on my phone.

Chapter 8

Holy Shit

Haddie

“Wait, wait, wait. I’m so fucking lost right now. Amber said that she and this guy were basically together.”

Addie looks so confused and I hate being the one to remind her that her friend, my sister, is a dirty, dirty fibber.

“Bambi lives in Pretendsies-ville!” Marcus sings out from where he’s lounging on my couch. He may be thin, but he’s so tall that my ‘munchkin’ couch, as he calls it, is more like a chaise lounge for him.

I’m running around my apartment, picking up stray items of clothing I tend to discard as I move around my place. Bras are just the worst, and I have a habit of yanking them off the moment I get home. There’s nothing more satisfying than chucking it across the room at the end of a long day.

Beau is coming to pick me up soon, so just in case he comes to the door instead of texting me, I figured I’d at least have my apartment looking like I’ve got my shit together.

“But she said–”

I cut my friend off. “Addie, Bamber is a liar. She lives in a fantasy world where what she wants is always the truth. I’m not saying that he wasn’t interested in her. Wait, yes I am. He absolutely wasn’t interested in her the night you all met.”

I’ve got an armful of clothes as I look around to check for any I’ve missed. Marcus whistles to me and when I glance over, my laughter bursts out of me. “Missed this little treat, Harry,” he teases.

Marching over, I snatch the white lace from where it’s dangling on the tip of his index finger. Bending over, I get right in his face. “Stop. Playing. With. My. Panties!”

Addie’s giggle makes it hard to keep a straight face as I mock glare at Marcus.

“I’ll never understand you girls and your need to spend loads of money on crap no one is ever going to see. Hanes brand all the way here.”

Addie scowls at him. “I’ll have you know plenty of people have seen my panties!”

Marcus and I both freeze and stare at her with mouths hanging open, then I fall to the ground howling like a madwoman when Marcus whispers, “You ho…”

“Wait! That’s not what I meant!” The embarrassment on her face makes me attempt to rein it in, but I just can’t. Not yet.

“Oh Addie Shmaddie, be proud of your sexuality! Own it and make no excuses.” I honestly love that she’s so comfortable with her body. Addie has always known what she wants and has no problem getting it. She keeps herself safe, and she’s smart. “Besides, who else would I get details from to put in my books? I’m living vicariously through you, my friend!”

“It still blows my mind that you’re able to write the smut that you do without actually knowing,” Marcus muses.

Glaring at him, I blow my hair out of my face and haul my ass off the ground when Addie prods me with her toe. “Like you’re one to talk. I’d ask you, but you know, you’re just as virginal as I am.”

Huffing in annoyance, he shrugs and crosses his arms across his chest. “My virginal status is by choice.”

Smiling, I remind myself that it’s one of the things I love the most about my best friend. He knows himself and is comfortable with the fact that he’s just not interested in sex. Whether he’s asexual, gay, straight, bi, or somewhere else in the list of orientation, it doesn’t matter. Marcus has never identified one way or the other with words. He’s just not interested in pursuing that type of intimacy.

It also makes him the best person to critique my stories. He loves reading the spicy scenes but is also quick to point out if something doesn’t make sense. I snicker to myself when I realize that the bulk of what I write makes absolutely no sense, but he dives in headfirst every time.

“Someday, sometime, I’ll get a call from you, losing your mind because you’ve finally done the deed.” Addie rubs her hands together like she’s plotting something evil. “I cannot wait!”

Snorting, I shake my head. “Yeah, I doubt that’ll happen for a long, long time. I fear I’m destined to have cobwebs in my vagina and multiple cats requiring diabetes shots and dietary supplements that go up their asses every morning.”

“My God, you’re dramatic. But seriously, tell me about Beau. I will say that it’s driving me nuts that Amber is running her mouth about him,” Addie says as she shoves Marcus’s feet off the end of the couch so she can sit down next to him.

“Umm…” I scratch the side of my face as I process what I know and what I should even share with them. “I’m not sure what to even say, to be honest. Aside from the fact that I’m fairly certain the guy can’t stand me–”

“Bullshit,” Marcus interrupts. “But continue.”

I roll my eyes at him. “It’s true. But I won’t deny that I’m not fascinated by him. He’s dreamy.”

Addie’s giggle makes me blush. I’m embarrassed by the sigh I let out when I said ‘dreamy’.

“Zip it. Seriously though, he really is. You saw him. You know what he looks like. But it’s not even that. He’s amazing. He’s really good with his players; firm, serious, but also supportive and motivating. His work ethic is what I want when I grow up. Plus, oh my God, did I even tell you he told me the best joke ever?”

I’m still all butterfly-y in my stomach over that little tidbit. Like he did it just for me.

“Loved it,” Marcus comments while Addie looks between the two of us.

I forgot I told him about it, but apparently, I didn’t tell Addie. “No? What was it?”

Chuckling, I share it with her. “What’s a librarian’s favorite drink?”

Addie shakes her head with a smirk. “I don’t know, what?”

I pause for dramatic effect before delivering the punchline. “Tequila Mockingbird!” Marcus laughs with me and I beam at Addie, waiting for her reaction. She doesn’t laugh, but the little smirk that tilts the corner of her mouth is enough to make me feel proud of him.

“So dorky. Also, really sweet.” She studies me a moment, then asks, “Are you going to tell him you’re interested in him?”

My smile falls from my face.

“Haddie…” Marcus says gently, then trails off because there’s nothing to really say, is there?

Waving him off, I force a smile. “I’m not going to tell him.” Before Addie can jump in, I explain. “Not because I’m afraid he might say no. It’s because I know he’ll say no. I’m not so clueless that I can’t recognize when someone wants to be around me or if they’re just tolerating me. Beau Hudson tolerates me… barely.”

Both of my friends scowl at me, so I throw my hands up to ward them off.

Addie’s grumbling makes me love her even more. They are always quick to defend me, but we all know that I’m right. “Your fucking family sucks, and I hate every freaking thing about the way they’ve taught you to feel about yourself.”

Giving her a consoling grin, I softly say, “You know it’s not just them. I have a knack for rubbing people the wrong way. I don’t care, though. I yam who I yam.”

Marcus laughs softly. “Alright Popeye. I think you’re wrong, but I haven’t seen you two together. So, for now, I won’t argue with you.”

“And you never will,” I mumble, more to myself than them.

We all jolt and whip our heads to the door when three loud raps sound through my apartment.

“It’s him…” Addie whispers in awe.

“Jesus, you act like he’s actually our Lord and Savior.” Ignoring the increased speed of my heartbeat, I glower at her as I get up to answer the door. Just before I turn the knob, I hiss out a warning. “Don’t embarrass me.”

Marcus chuckles and calls out, “No promises,” just as I’m opening the door to the man of my dreams. Literally.

My mouth opens to greet him, but snaps shut when I realize I was going to say, ‘My God you look edible’. Thankfully, Marcus saves the day, and me, from my humiliation.

“Captain! Welcome to Harry’s lair. She cleaned just for you!”

I lied. Fucking Marcus.

Closing my eyes, I shake my head almost imperceptibly, but Beau surprises me when he rumbles out a low chuckle. Now I’m extra angry at Marcus for making him laugh when I’ve barely gotten a squeak out of him.

“Please, ignore him.” I lean my head on the door and sigh deeply. Christ. Where is a deep hole when you need one?

“Never,” he whispers back, causing my eyes to pop open at his playful tone. Interesting. Chris is in a good mood. “Want to introduce me to your friends?”

Grumbling, I hold the door open so he can walk in. “Not really.”

“I’m offended!” Addie complains, then stands up to walk over to Beau with her hand held out. “I’m Addie. We met the other night at O’Reilly’s, but I don’t think we got a chance to talk much.”

Sneaking around them, I run over to the pile of clothes in the middle of my living room where I dropped them and quickly kick them under my couch. I ignore the small worry that Beau is going to be enchanted by my gorgeous friend, and tell myself that even if he is, I won’t be jealous. If I was into vaginas, I’d be all over her too.

“Nice to meet you, Addie. I remember meeting you. You’ve been seeing a lot of Jensen lately, right?”

I whip my head around so fast that my neck cracks, and stare at my friend. Secrets secrets, dear Addie. “Oh, yeah? Do tell you sneaky, close-lipped asshole.”

Addie’s face turns a lovely shade of pink before she shoots a glare over her shoulder at me. “I just didn’t get a chance yet. You’ve been running your mouth since I showed up!”

“Filthy lies,” Marcus interjects, then looks at me. “She totally told me earlier this week.”

Happy to have the distraction, I dig my feet in. “Tell me! But first, I’d like you to note that I’m crushed to be left in the dark. What’s been going on with you and Jensen? Wait, Beau, this is my other best friend, Marcus O’Brien.”

Addie, under her breath, whispers, “I’ll tell you later. So good.” I wink at her to let her off the hook and watch the guys as they greet each other.

Marcus gets up from the couch, a little slower than normal, and I frown at him. “You tired or something? I’d ask if you went to the gym, but I know you despise treadmills.”

Flashing a quick smile at me, he holds his hand out to Beau. “Nah, just didn’t get a ton of sleep. Nice to meet you, Cap. Heard lots about you.”

Beau grips his hand the way boys do, all firm and dominant like, and I giggle at Marcus when he shakes it out after they separate. “Tight grip you got there, buddy.” Then, clapping his hands together, he looks between us. “So, off to class then? You just dropping this pretty lady off, or are you sticking around today?”

“Marcus,” I grit out between my teeth.

Smirking, Beau surprises all of us. “Nope. I’m sticking around today. I’ve decided to thank the pretty lady for all her hard work when we’re finished.”

My head tilts to peer up at him. I ignore the erupting blush on my cheeks at his ‘pretty lady’ comment because he only repeated what Marcus said. I also ignore the way it feels when he zeroes his gaze directly on me. “The hell you say? I told you I don’t need anything.”

Leaning toward me, he says from the side of his mouth, “Suck it up, happy girl. I’ve decided.”

Addie turns to me, fanning her face, and mouths, “Wow.”

Sputtering, I try to argue, but I’m thrown. For the first time, I don’t actually know what the hell I should say right now. This is why I shouldn’t be allowed into the wild during migration season. I’d be the goose flying west when everyone else is going south.

“You ready to go?” Beau asks me, checking his watch. “We’ve got about forty minutes before the guys are supposed to be there. I cut them out a little early from practice today.”

Addie shoos us out the door while handing me my bag. “Go on. We’ll lock up your place, Haddie. Do good things and make good choices. Behave kids and don’t stay out too late!” The last was delivered as a yell through my front door seconds after she slams it shut.

I stare at the bare wood, silently begging for a chandelier to break and squish me. “I…” Trailing off, I have no words to offer as an excuse for my ex-best friends’ behavior.

“I like them. Let’s get going. Maybe we could grab a coffee on the way, if you’re up for it? I’ve got my car running.” Beau’s hand cups my elbow as he leads me out to his idling SUV.

“You left it running? Ballsy.”

Shrugging me off, he opens the front passenger door so I can slide inside. He didn’t do that last time, and now I’m doubly confused by his change in demeanor. “I figured I’d just pop up to see if you were ready. Didn’t know you had friends over.”

“They’re no longer my friends,” I grumble. He offers me a sympathetic smile as he shuts the door and jogs around to get into his seat. Once he’s in, I continue. “Seriously, I’m so freaking sorry if they embarrassed you. I’d like to say they aren’t normally like that, but they really are.”

Pulling out into mild traffic, he sets me at ease. “They didn’t bother me. Honestly, I like them. Besides, Addie and Jensen have been hitting off pretty well from what I hear, so I’m sure I’ll be seeing her around a lot. Marcus seems like a decent guy. You guys dating or something?”

The explosion of laughter that escapes me physically hurts. It was so loud that Beau glances at me with a look of bewilderment. “Sorry, sorry. No! Marcus and I are not dating. I’ve known him since we were really little.” Wiping away the tears as I try to control my laughter, I add, “I honestly think he’d be horrified if you asked him that question. He’s just my closest friend in the world. My podmate.”

“Podmate?”

Nodding, I relax into the comfy seats. “Yeah. Non-sexual life partner. Two peas in a pod. Podmate. I won’t go anywhere without him.”

Beau hums under his breath as he considers my description of mine and Marcus’s friendship. We really are closer than friends, closer than siblings even. He’s a part of me, and I’m a part of him. I’ve never doubted my status around Marcus. That man has accepted me from day one exactly as I am.

“I’ve got a few pretty close friends. Jensen is one of them. I don’t know if I’d classify any like that, though. How did you both–”

The ringing of my cell interrupts his question, and I groan when I hear the Imperial Death March.

“The fuck is that?” Beau asks me. “The Death March from Star Wars?”

Fishing my phone out, I flick my eyes over to him briefly as I pull out my phone to see my stepmonster calling. “Yeah. I’m so sorry about this, but I have to answer. Ignore everything that’s about to happen in the next five minutes.”

“Huh?” I know he’s confused, but I don’t have time to explain, other than sending him a pleading look as I answer the phone.

“Deborah! To what do I owe the pleasure?”

Chapter 9

You’re Not My Mom

Haddie

“Harriet. Honey. For the love of God, would you stop calling me Deborah? Debbie or mom would suffice.”

“I’ll try my best to remember that, Deborah. What’s up? I’m kind of in the middle of something.” I flash a quick look over to Beau and pray he can’t hear the other side of this conversation.

“I’m sure you’re not so busy that you can’t take a few minutes for your mom.”

I grit my teeth and bite out, “You’re not my mom, Deborah.”

Beau’s head tilts to the side a little when I say that, but he doesn’t show any other expression.

I roll my eyes when I hear a fake sniffle through the phone, and I know I should have just kept my mouth shut. “Harriet. I’m doing my best here to have a real relationship with you. It’s so important to me and your father that you realize we ARE family. We’re all you’ve got, honey. I wish you wouldn’t put your nose up at that and understand that I love you, and I’m making a real effort here.”

Sighing, I try to twist in the seat and turn my back to Beau to pretend I have some semblance of privacy. “Debbie.” I try to cater a bit to her because dealing with Deborah Byer when she’s like this is draining. “I’m not trying to hurt your feelings. I care about these things. I just don’t feel comfortable being forced into the whole ‘mom’ thing. There’s nothing wrong with calling you by your first name. I’ve done it the entire time you’ve been married to dad. But my mom is my mom. I don’t understand why you can’t just leave it alone.”

“You’re constantly making me compete with a dead woman.”

I suck in a breath at her harsh words and fight back the tingle of tears that want to surface. Done with placating her, I ask, “What did you call for, Deborah?”

“I need you to come a bit earlier for our next dinner. It’s not fair for Amber to be the only one forced into helping. Family dinners are for all of us, and I’d like you to pull your weight for once.”

Clamping my mouth shut to prevent an incredulous laugh from sounding, I grit out, “I’ll do my best. But you all decided to have these dinners on days that I work, so if I get out early enough, I will.”

“Family is important, honey.”

“My job is important.” I ignore the low sound that comes from Beau behind me. I definitely don’t want to look at him to see what it was about.

Her laughter is cruel, and I wish she would call me when dad was around so he could hear this shit. He never believes me when I try to explain.

“Oh? Library work, stacking books, and organizing the index files is such important work? Family is forever. You think your little job is more important than us? You know your father isn’t the healthiest. It’s important to spend time with him now while he’s still around.”

This fucking bitch!

“I thought you just said family was forever?”

“You know exactly what I mean, Harriet.”

Closing my eyes, I press my forehead to the cool window. “I need to go now. I’ll try my best to get to dinner early. Bye.” Without waiting for her to respond, I hang up the call and stay turned away from Beau. I need just a moment to plaster on a fake smile before I face him. How freaking embarrassing.

Beau clears his throat awkwardly. “You, uhh… You okay over there?”

Fake it ‘til you make it, right?

With my grin in place, I turn around to face him. “Just peachy. So, how’s your week been since I saw you last?”

“You’re a terrible liar. If you don’t want to share, that’s perfectly fine. But don’t pretend you’re not upset over your phone call.” Beau sounds impatient with me, and I imagine this type of scolding is what his team likes to avoid. He does disapproval well.

It makes me feel ill.

Swallowing down the feelings of disappointing yet another person, my voice cracks when I answer him. “So-Sorry. My, umm… my stepmom and I don’t exactly see eye to eye. It’s a chore when she calls.”

“Haddie, you don’t have to tell me. I just don’t want you to feel like you need to pretend that you’re alright if you’re not.” He’s frowning at the road ahead of us as he says this.

With a self-deprecating smile, which he doesn’t see, I explain. “I’m not against sharing. I’m an open book if I’m being completely honest. But my family dynamics are a depressing thing, and I didn’t think you’d want me to bring down your good mood.”

“I’d like to circle back to that, but what do you mean my ‘good mood’?”

“You’re in a great mood today! It’d be a shame if that went away. We need to be at the top of our game if we’re about to spend a few hours doing homework.” I smile so he knows I’m teasing when he flicks another glance my way.

Beau considers me as he chews on his cheek. “I’m in the same mood I’m always in, though. What makes you think that today is different?”

My eyebrow lifts. He can’t be serious, right? “Uhh… you’re being super nice to me today. I figured your tolerance level was at an all-time high.”

He whips his head toward me with wide eyes, tugging the wheel slightly to the left. My body tilts into the door from the jerky movement.

“Eyes on the road, Captain! Good Lord, you’re going to kill us!” I screech and grab the ‘oh shit’ bar.

“Christ. Sorry.” After his apology, he gets us back into the center of the lane. Although now he’s scowling at it like it was the road’s fault that he shifted over the line. Thank goodness there wasn’t anyone next to us. “I’m always nice to you! What do you mean I’m being super nice today?”

Is he for real right now? I think back over our previously stellar meetings and try to view it from another perspective, but nothing changes. He absolutely did not enjoy being around me. Beau was tolerant at best.

“Seriously? I know you only tolerate me, which I’m okay with. But today it’s like you woke up and decided you actually want to be around me. It’s nice. Thank you for that!” There. That wasn’t so hard to explain.

“Fuck,” he mutters, then signals the car to change lanes to take our exit for the library. “Happy, I’m sorry if I made you feel like you need to be tolerated. I do like you and find that I actually enjoy being around you. You just caught me off guard. That’s all.”

I wrinkle my nose. “I’m not so sure if that’s a compliment or not. Thanks, I guess?”

Beau grumbles out, “It was supposed to be,” as he reaches to cover my hand. “Honestly. I didn’t intend to make you feel that way. Won’t happen again.” He stresses his point with a gentle squeeze before letting me go to grab the wheel again.

Staring down at my hand where it’s resting on my thigh, my brain short circuits with tingles from where I still feel the residual pressure from where he touched me. I’m not even sure if he realized how much he just fucked up my world with that move. I may be 27 years old, but boys don’t touch me. I get hugs from my friends and my dad, but other than that, I think I’ve been starved of touch.

I like it. I definitely want more of it from Captain Kirk over there.

“Happy?”

Jerking my head up to look at him, I realize he’s been waiting for me to answer some unknown question I never heard.

“Uhh… What’d you ask me?” I blink up at him.

Huffing out a laugh, he shakes his head at me. “I circled back to your family and your phone call, but we’re here now. We’ll have to take a raincheck.”

I blow out a breath, unsure if I’m relieved or disappointed that our time has come to an end. “Well, if you’re still interested when we’re done, I’ll fill you in on all the gory details. It’ll be a fun ‘get to know’ you exercise.” Poking him in the side, I add, “You’ll have to divulge too. As payment for the way I’ll tell the story. It’ll have all the flair and I can make it really entertaining.”

Beau chuckles and gives me one of those ‘stare deep into your soul’ looks like he can’t believe I’m being serious. I totally am. “Can’t wait. Let’s get inside. Want me to carry your bag?”

“So chivalrous, but I’m a big girl. Thank you, though.” I’m really liking this nice thing he’s got going on, and I’ll enjoy it while it lasts.

It’s not long before we’re settled at the table with his players, and elbow’s deep in work when I feel my phone vibrating. Beau’s eyes flick up to mine and he frowns when I pull it out of my bag. Smiling sheepishly, I turn in my seat to face away from everyone as I answer. It’s my dad, so I have to answer.

“Hey, dad. I’m at the library, so I can’t really talk. What’s up?”

I can hear Beau redirecting the guys to give me a moment without ears listening in.

“Hey, pumpkin. I don’t mean to bother you while you’re working, but I feel like I need to address something with you sooner rather than later.”

Closing my eyes against what’s coming, I let out an inaudible sigh and can feel my shoulders dropping. “What new life lesson does Deborah want you to educate me with this time?”

Dad sighs heavily into the phone. “We need to discuss how you speak to her. She’s been your mom for most of your life–”

“Stepmom,” I interrupt.

“This is what I’m talking about. Just because she didn’t give birth to you doesn’t mean she hasn’t been filling the hole that your mom left in our family. When you continue to point out that she’s not your mom, it’s hurtful and, frankly, extremely insensitive. She loves you like you’re her own daughter. When I married her, she became a part of the family. Your constant reminder that she’s not your mother tears her apart every single time.”

“Dad. That’s not at all what happened on our call. She called to scold me for not pulling my weight like my ‘perfect’ sister. Then belittled my job, my career, like I’m simply wasting my time. Can you just take a minute and put yourself in my shoes? All I ever hear from her are insults designed to sound like helpful advice while pointing out how she thinks I’m failing. It’s always been like that. I’ve told you this. You act like you hear me when I try to explain. Then the moment you two sit down to discuss, she twists everything around to victimize herself and justify her bad behavior. How do you not see it?”

“Pumpkin, I think you need to take a minute and put yourself in her shoes. You need to stop bringing up your mom to her. Debbie feels like you do it intentionally, and it makes her feel like she’ll never compare in your eyes. It’s inappropriate, if nothing else.”

I’m so furious right now, I ignore the fact that my voice is rising, allowing the men around me to hear my humiliating argument with my father. “That’s fucking bullshit!”

“Language, Haddie. I’m your father and I don’t appreciate you speaking to me like this. I’m trying to be open and honest with you. These are things we should be able to discuss,” he scolds.

I fight off the tears that are forming and swallow back the lump in my throat. It’s impossible to get him to understand how I feel or to get him to even believe me. Deborah has manipulated him and got him all twisted up inside to such a degree that now he’s begun to think just like her.

“Why won’t you ever take my side? Why can’t you dig down deep and find just an iota of compassion for my feelings about her?” I hate the way my voice wobbles when I choke out my last plea.

“Pumpkin, it’s not like that. I care about your feelings. This is why I’m calling you. We need to come up with a way for you two to get along. Maybe some one-on-one time where the two of you do something together. Bond over something you both have in common. She has such a kind heart. I wish you could see that. This battle between the two of you is putting a strain not just on our relationship, but mine and Debbie’s as well.”

Dad is pleading with me now. I have to fight my decision to stand firm to make a point that I refuse to roll over and give in, or deal with the guilt that he’ll have to suffer when she doesn’t get what she wants.

A warm hand in the center of my back jerks me back to reality, and I flush with embarrassment when I realize that I’m freaking crying in the middle of my workplace. In front of four football players and their coach, a man I just convinced myself I need to keep my cool around.

Beau’s deep frown doesn’t hold any ridicule or censure over my emotional display, thank God. There’s compassion behind his eyes when he wipes a stray tear from my cheek and he mouths, “Are you okay?”

Shaking my head at him, I scan the table and notice that his guys aren’t actually still sitting with us. The tables are cleared off like they were never there. Confused, I look back up at him. “Where’d they go?”

“Haddie? Who are you talking to? Where did who go?” my dad asks, muffled against my ear. Ignoring him, I wait for Beau to answer me.

“We wrapped things up, and I told them to finish up on their own since we’ll be meeting again in a few days.”

“God, I’m so sorry for this.” I’m horrified and kick myself in the ass for not just stepping away when I answered. Who does that?

“Haddie!” my dad barks into the phone. Holding a finger up to Beau, I decide I’m not going to let Deborah dictate my actions any longer.

“Dad, I need to go. I shouldn’t have answered to begin with because I’m working, so I’ll make this quick. I refuse to stand by and let you make me feel guilty for the difficulties in your marriage with her because she doesn’t like something I said or did. I’ll make an attempt to not be rude, but that’s all you’re getting from me. What I will not do is stand by and let her make me feel like less of a person because I’m not the perfect daughter in her eyes. I will never consider her as a replacement for my mom. She never has been and never will be. I need to go. I love you.”

Guilt crashes through me when I hang up on my father. He’s not a bad guy, just misguided, and I hate hurting him.

A chill runs through my body for a completely different reason when Beau circles his palm on my back once more. Running it up to my shoulder, he lightly presses down then lets me go. “Come on, happy girl, let’s get out of here.”

My breath hitches when he calls me that, because I really don’t feel happy right now. Nodding quickly, I gather my things and shove them into my bag. This time, Beau doesn’t let me carry my things. He takes the bag by the straps and throws them over his shoulder and waits for me to walk ahead of him.

Once we’re in his car, he asks, “Do you still feel up for a side trip this afternoon or would you rather me just take you home?”

I’m so disappointed in myself because I know this is my only chance to spend any kind of time with him outside of working, but I just can’t. I’m on the verge of a complete breakdown and I need my pillows and wine and sappy shows before I dissolve into a fit of tears.

“Home, please,” my voice cracks out. “I’m really sorry, but I do appreciate the thought.”

“I don’t want to push you to talk about what happened, because clearly you’re upset about it, but I will listen if you want.” His voice is gentle. I don’t know if he’s just being kind or actually wants to know, though.

To err on the side of caution, I decide to avoid discussing all of it and give him the bare minimum, just in case. Shrugging my shoulder, I watch the scenery as we drive by. “My mom died when I was little. When my dad married Deborah, we almost immediately butted heads. This is just the remnants of that.” Clearing my throat, I add, “I don’t like to disappoint my dad.”

Beau’s hands tighten on the steering wheel. “Disappointing your parents only means that you didn’t follow the path they wanted for you the way they wanted you to do it. Sometimes they forget that you’re your own person, not a copy of them.”

Sucking in a breath, I try to rein in my breakdown. The last thing I want is for this guy to see me at my worst. I appreciate his words, and really wanting to know if they’re from experience, but I can’t ask. I’m feeling so much right now that if I find out he has even close to the same baggage I have, I’ll just lose it.

I don’t want Beau to have been hurt. He’s tough, but even the strongest can be brought down if they’re hit with criticism enough times, especially from those who love them. I’d never want to see him break.

“Thank you,” I whisper. We make the rest of the drive in relative silence. I hear Beau tapping his fingers from time to time, either to fill the silent space or because he’s thinking of something to say.

When we finally arrive at my apartment, I thank him again for the ride before reaching for the handle to exit the car. His hand on my arm stops me.

“Haddie, I don’t… I’m not comfortable knowing that you’re going in there upset.” I’m not sure what to say while he chews on his lip, looking out the front of the car. He seems usure when he asks without eye contact, “Is there anything I can do for you?”

Damn it all to holy hell and back. He is really freaking nice. A small smile frees itself from my morose musings. “I just need a good bottle of wine and some sappy music. I’ll be good to go in no time, Captain.”

Moving toward him, I attempt to give him a quick kiss on the cheek, but my movement draws his attention back to me. Of course he turns his head the moment I reach his cheek and our lips brush against each other.

I can feel my eyes widening in surprise and I freeze right along with him.

Oh. My. God. I’m kissing Thor.

Thor, though, isn’t kissing me back. His body is completely rigid, unmoving, unreciprocating… unimpressed?

Pulling away quickly, I find myself in a complete state of panic. “Oh, fuck. Fuck me. Wait, that’s not what I mean. I’m… Christ, I’m really sorry. I m-meant to just peck your cheek. I’ll, umm, I’ll get out of your hair.” I just essentially forced a kiss on a guy I’m totally crushing on, and he was NOT feeling it.

I won’t cry in front of him, but I really need to call Marcus for an emergency delivery of Skittles. At this point, nothing will make me feel better other than red and orange Skittles. Marcus, bless his soul, always eats the other three colors for me because… gross.

“Happy.” His voice is rough, choked with what I’m sure will be kind words to let me down easy. The grip on my arm tightens as he prevents me from leaving.

Whispering, I plead for him to just let me leave. “Beau, I’m so fucking sorry. Please don’t make me feel worse.”

Beau’s eyes squeeze shut for just a moment before he opens them and focuses directly on me. My breath stalls when I see an entirely different look in them, and I’ve just been rocketed to an entirely new level of male-female interaction I have zero experience with.

His hand releases me only momentarily before he’s cupping the side of my face, threading his fingers through the side of my hair and pulling me forward. This time, he leans in, and without saying anything, presses his lips firmly against mine, coaxing my mouth open with a brush of his tongue.

My heart is racing when I feel the tip touch mine, then slide deeper into my mouth as he tilts his head to kiss me more fully.

He tastes… heavenly.

His free hand connects with the other side of my face as he cradles me to control the angle. Our shared moment escalates quickly, and I feel fire licking through my body, driving me to get closer to him.

I’m just about to reach out when he wrenches his mouth from mine, panting breaths heaving in the small space. His eyes bounce across my face before letting me go and grabbing onto the wheel with both hands.

“I have to go,” he whispers.

This time, I don’t apologize before I open the door and slink out of his car.

The only thing I know is that I could practically taste his regret in the air before I shut the door on him.

Chapter 10

Like Like Her

Beau

Christ, it’s fucking hot out today. It was past 90° by ten in the morning and I’m miserable. So are my guys and I’m debating calling it an early release day for them.

“Hey man. They’re looking good!”

Spinning around, I see Jensen walking up, holding hands with Haddie’s friend Addie. I think it’s funny that the two of them are such good friends with matching names. I used to know two girls named Sarah and Tara that were best friends. When they were together, they insisted on being called Starah as a single unit.

“Thanks Jen. What are you two up to?”

Addie seems hesitant to answer and looks up at Jensen before widening her eyes, wordlessly hinting to him about something. I’m unsure what the look means and begin to feel a touch uneasy when Jensen nods at her and gives me a sheepish look.

“We’re just hanging out today, thinking about an early movie or something before dinner. I, uhh… well, we wanted to talk to you about something.”

Narrowing my eyes at him, the slow ‘okay’ drawls out of me while I wait to hear what they have to say. I don’t know what they want to discuss, but I already feel my defenses coming up.

He rolls his eyes at me, then smirks. “It’s not really a bad thing. Look, Addie had some concerns about some recent events which she brought up to me. So, instead of just telling her what I thought, we figured we should come right to the source.”

“You’re dancing around what you want to ask. Just ask me.” I look between the two of them, trying to figure out what’s going on. Addie’s narrowed gaze matches my own when she steps forward and crosses her arms, letting go of Jensen.

“You kissed her.” It’s not an accusation, merely a statement, but I don’t know what answer she wants from me. I decide to just go with the truth.

“I did,” I admit, raising an eyebrow at her.

She studies me, chewing on the corner of her lip, then says, “Then you didn’t call her.”

Quickly going through the days, I realize I haven’t texted or called her in five days except to let her know I had a meeting and wouldn’t be able to meet with them for their next tutoring session. Shit, I probably should have called her.

Addie nods her head when she sees that I’m putting it together.

I pull my hat off my head to scrub my fingers through my hair, then groan out a sigh. “I didn’t.”

“Dude,” Jensen says, and I can hear the censorship in his voice. “Not cool, man.”

Whipping her head over to frown at him, she snaps, “No, it’s not just that he didn’t call her. It’s that he kissed her then ran.” Glaring back at me, she takes a step closer and points a finger in my face.

“I’m only going to say this once, so hear me well, Captain. Don’t play with my friend. If you aren’t interested in her, that’s completely fine. Although you’d be an idiot to pass her up because she’s a fucking awesome person. But, if it’s what you decide, that’s fine. What I won’t do is stand back and watch a man give her a million mixed signals, only to kiss her like he wants her before running away. You left her in pieces for days, thinking she’s done something wrong.”

My eyes widen in shock. Not just by Addie’s heated scolding, but that Haddie has been messed up about it since I left.

“Fuck.” It comes out soft, but they both hear me. I try to explain, even while knowing I sound like an ass. “Look. I’m an idiot. When it happened, it caught me really off guard and I wasn’t prepared for both of our reactions to it. I’ll make sure she knows that was on me and not her.”

Addie stays silent, waiting for something more from me.

“Today. I’ll talk to her today.”

Nodding once, she relaxes. “Good. If you’re going to let her down, just do it as nicely as possible, please. I’m not saying this to make you feel guilty, so please don’t take this like I’m pressuring you into something you may not want, but you need to know. She doesn’t handle rejection well. Not just from guys specifically, but rejection in general from people she cares about. It hits her harder than it would a normal person because she convinces herself that it was because of something she did or said. Please be aware of that.”

Addie wasn’t trying to make me feel guilty, but I do, nonetheless. If I had to guess, I’d say a lot of that stems from her family by the little she’s shared with me.

“Yeah, her family. She told me a bit about them.” I say this because I want Haddie’s best friend to know that I understand what point she’s trying to make.

Looking away from me for a moment, she’s hesitant again, but still says what’s on her mind. “Yes, her family. But it hasn’t always just been them. She’s dealt a lot with bullying throughout school and has lost a few friends she thought were close. A couple of them just ghosted her, while another few she overheard talking shit about her behind her back.”

She’s frowning now as she continues. “The point is, she takes it incredibly personally. She really likes you, Beau. Maybe I should have let her share that with you, but I don’t care right now. If you aren’t interested, tell her. If you want to be friends, make that clear. And if you do want to date her, you have to make that crystal clear to her, or she’ll never know.”

Jensen starts laughing awkwardly and we both look at him. “Sorry. This is why I wanted to bring Addie here to talk to you. I was going to explain to her you aren’t a guy that gives mixed messages, but you kind of have been in this instance. I’d like to stay in this one’s good graces,” he jokes, poking his thumb out at Addie.

“It’s fine.” Then I smile at Addie. “Thank you for saying something. I wasn’t thinking.”

Some of my players start laughing loudly, and turning around, I see that they’re just messing around after finishing up their last runs. Blowing my whistle, I spin my hand in the air to indicate they should run the field. Laughter wants to escape when I see the looks of despair on their faces, but I hold it in. I truly don’t mean to torture them.

Once I see they’re following my instructions, I turn back to Jensen and Addie, and notice that Addie’s cheeks are bulging and turning pink. Jensen has his mouth covered like he’s trying to hold in a laugh, but he’s failing horribly.

I look between them another moment, then ask a little more loudly than I should. “What now?”

Her voice bursts out of her so explosively, I’m stunned I can actually understand what she asked me. “Butdoyoulikeher?”

“Did you just ask me if I like her? Just making sure I heard you correctly.”

“Yes,” she answers while nodding her head rapidly.

“What are we, in middle school? Do you want to know if I like her or if I like like her?” I’m annoyed because I don’t want to talk about this with a woman I barely know. It’s obvious she loves her friend, but this is between me and Haddie. She deserves to have the words from me first.

“Don’t be an ass,” Jensen hisses, flicking a worried glance toward Addie.

She holds her hand up to stop him, a frightening smile growing across her face. “It’s alright, Jensen. It’s really none of my business, but I got my answer.” Spinning around, her hair whipping out, she faces my friend. “You ready to go, baby?”

“What do you mean you’ve got your answer?” I yell out to her, asking one last question.

Grinning over her shoulder, she sings, “You liiiiiike like her.”

I want to punch Jensen when he begins giggling like an old woman. “How the fuck did you come to that conclusion? I’m not saying whether you’re right or wrong, but you’re making a big assumption.”

Shrugging me off, she grabs his hand to pull him away.

“Addie!” I shout.

They keep walking, but she turns around and walks backwards to answer me. “Because you’re a boy, and any boy that uses the words ‘like like’ means he’s thinking along those lines. Plus, if you didn’t, you would have told me so I could be prepared when you inevitably hurt her feelings and she’ll need someone to pick her back up. So, you like like her, Captain.”

The evil woman grins like the cat who caught the canary as she wiggles her fingers at me in a goodbye wave. Jensen raises his hand to me, and I ignore his laughter when I flip him off.

Jesus, women are infuriating. Especially when they’re right.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I decided to go ahead and just show up at her place to talk to her. Unfortunately, when I got here, I found that she wasn’t home. After sending a quick text to Jensen to see if Addie knew where she was, he informed me Haddie was doing some grocery shopping and should be back shortly.

It’s only a minute of debate on whether I should leave and try again later or stay and wait that I decide I want to wait. I don’t feel good about leaving her with negative feelings regarding that incredible kiss we shared. It fucking wrecked me; I really hope she felt the same connection.

Leaning against the wall next to her apartment door, I wait. And wait. And wait.

Fuck, I can almost guarantee she’s using the bus system to shop. I’m beginning to feel like a creep when one of the other tenants left and came back half an hour later, eyeing me as I stand alone in the hallway.

I’m starting to question if it’s a good idea for me to keep waiting, not knowing how much longer she’s going to be, when I hear her unsure voice.

“Beau?” Jerking my head up, I see her holding half a dozen grocery bags at her sides while breathing heavily from the walk up the stairs. She looks around the hallway like it’ll give her an answer about why I’m here. Then she asks, “What are you doing here?”

Pushing away from the wall, I move toward her and reach out in an offer to take her bags. She doesn’t release them right away, but I think it’s more because her fingers are squeezing so tight that they’re cramped around the handles.

“I wanted to talk to you. Can I take these for you?” I’ve got my hands on them, and I wait until she slowly peels her fingers off of them, and stretches them out.

As she digs for her keys, then unlocks her door, she never once meets my eyes. “Why didn’t you just send a text? Do the boys need something? Our last meeting went well, and none of them called or messaged me that they were stuck.”

Internally groaning, I kick myself in the ass for turning Haddie into whatever this Haddie is. She’s not happy, nor is she acting like my Happy. There are no teasing jokes or smiles, just a woman who’s reserved and probably exhausted now that it’s getting later in the evening.

“No, nothing like that,” I reassure her, following her into her apartment. It looks the same as the last time I was here, maybe only a few extra things strewn around the place. Normally messes make me uncomfortable, but I kind of like her version of messy. Her place is lived in, and I can clearly see the path she takes when she gets home by the pieces of clothing lying in piles next to her kitchen counter and her couch.

Setting the bags on the polished wooden table, she stares at them before finally glancing up at me. “Thanks for the help. Mind if I put these away while you let me know what you need?”

“Let me help you, then we can talk. If you’re good with that? Just tell me where to put stuff.” She gives me a jerky nod, and we make quick work putting everything away.

Haddie leaves a few items out next to the stove, so I assume it’s what she’s preparing for dinner.

Twisting her hands in front of her, she looks to her living room and winces. “I’d offer for you to sit down, but my place is a mess. I wasn’t expecting anyone. Do you want something to drink?”

Forcing a smile, I take a small step toward her. “I don’t mind the mess. Let’s sit and talk for a minute.”

With a quick inhale, she nods again and leads me to her couch. Quickly snatching up her clothes that were on one of the cushions and drops it behind so it’s out of sight, she tries to hide the blush of embarrassment. I’ve had enough of making her feel so awkward around me when she mumbles, “Sorry,” that I accidentally let out a loud sigh.

Her eyes shoot up to mine as she whips around and falls ungracefully on the cushion with a small bounce. “Did I do something wrong? Is that why you’re here?”

“Christ, no! I’m here to apologize!” I blurt out. How in the hell did her head go all the way to thinking I was mad at her?

Haddie’s shoulders relax, and now she’s looking at me in confusion. “Apologize for what? If it’s because you think I’m upset about the whole kissing debacle, you don’t need to. I kissed you, so I should be the one to apologize. Well, I did apologize, but I can again. Although, it was a nice kiss, and I’d feel even more terrible for scaring you away if you totally hated it. Wait, did you–”

I cut her off by placing my hand over her mouth gently. “Hush,” I chuckle. Her nervous ramblings around me get cuter every time she does it, but I’m hating her train of thought and her apology riddled with insecurity. “First off, you may have meant to kiss me on my cheek, but I’m positive that the kiss was me kissing you. And no, I’m not apologizing for that. I’ll never apologize for it. Kissing you was incredible.”

I can feel her mouth drop open in surprise under my hand, but I don’t move it away quite yet. “I’m going to take my hand away, but will you let me keep talking before you say anything?”

She nods her head up and down quickly, eyes wide and focused on mine. Smiling at her, I pull it away slowly then let out a small quick laugh when her mouth stays hanging open. The sound makes her snap her mouth shut with a click and she sucks in her lower lip to stay silent.

Turning to face her, I rest my arm along the back of the couch and lean forward slightly. “What I wanted to apologize for was leaving the way I did. I panicked.”

I give her a look when she opens her mouth, and she swallows down her comment. My hand is close to her head, so I pinch a lock of her hair and let the curl twist around my finger.

“I should have stayed. I should have walked you to the door and asked you out on a date. I should have fucking kissed you again.” Haddie’s cheeks turn pink when I add that, and her small smile hits me right in the chest. “So, Haddie Byer–”

“Happy,” she whispers. A laugh bursts out of me, and I study my lap to get myself under control. I know the moment we start this thing, she’s going to keep me feeling like I’m about to dive off a cliff. She’s thrilling, exciting, and I love how she continues to chip away at me just by being herself.

“Happy Byer, would you go out on a date with me tomorrow night?”

The massive smile that spreads across her face tells me she’s on board, but her silence is a bit concerning. Now that I’m finally ready for her to talk, she doesn’t say a word.

“Happy?”

“Hmm?” She licks her lips and flashes another huge smile while continuing to stare at me.

Scooting a little closer to her, our knees bump against each other and we both look down at the contact. I can hear her breathing pick up, matching the way my heart is racing, waiting for her to accept my invitation.

“Happy,” I murmur, forcing her eyes back up at me. “You haven’t answered me.”

Her eyes widen almost comically, and I’m startled when she shouts, “Yes! Wait, do you mean like an actual date date?”

My brows furrow as I run back through how I asked her. I’m certain that I was clear that this would be a real date. “Yyyeeesss…” I draw out. “An honest to God, real life date. I’ll pick you up, hold your hand, and we’ll get to know each other more. Maybe another kiss or a little more at the end, depending on how our evening goes. A date date.”

“I’m a virgin,” she blurts out, then bites her lip. “Damn it, brain. You know, Marcus told me I should take a deep breath to make sure I let all my normal thoughts through before I say shit that’s, well, shit like that. You said ‘maybe a little more’, and you should probably know that I’m totally all for that. But I, umm, yeah… I have never done ‘a little more at the end’ before because I don’t think I’ve actually ever been on a real date.”

“Happy–” I try to interrupt her, but she just keeps going.

“Unless you consider Donald Knepper from my freshman year, who took me to this reading that our professor told us about. We had to go and write a paper on what it was supposedly about, then maybe I’ve been on one. All we did was go listen to someone talk about gunshots ringing out into the darkness. Which started out super intriguing, but then the whole thing was about volunteerism. It was really boring. But Donald needed someone to drive him, so I borrowed Marcus’s car to take us there. Then I took him home. So, I don’t think that was really a date date.”

“Happy–” I try again, my smile growing as she talks right over me.

She tugs on her bottom lip, fingers shaking slightly. “Addie said that she heard him talking to one of his friends that he thought I was cute. That’s probably why I thought maybe it’d be a real date, but he never actually asked me–”

Leaning forward, I press my lips to hers to shut her up. Immediately, I want to slide my tongue along hers, and take us back to that moment in my car, but I pull back before it gets too far. It was just enough to have her looking back up at me with eyes wide again.

“I’m a virgin,” she whispers again, only this time, she doesn’t ramble.

Cupping the side of her face, I smile at her gently. “I don’t care that you’re a virgin. There’s no rush for anything. We’ll just go with what feels right. Sound good?”

“Yeah.” Her breathy answer makes me want to kiss her again, but I can see she’s overwhelmed.

“Happy?”

“Hmm?” And we’re back to sounds instead of words.

Stroking my thumb over her chin, my eyes dance back and forth between hers. I remember what Addie told me earlier today and the advice she gave me about ensuring I’m perfectly clear with her.

“I really am looking forward to our date. I also want you to know that I like like you.”

She erupts in a borderline hysterical giggle and shakes her head at me. “I like like you too. Did you say that because I said date date?”

Shrugging, I pull back and move to stand up. “I’m just being pulled along whatever train you’re driving. Tomorrow. I’ll pick you up at seven?”

She stands up and follows me to the door, still grinning from ear to ear. “I’ll be ready at seven for our date date.”

Pressing a kiss to her cheek, I whisper, “I can’t wait.” Then leave her apartment. Once I hear the soft click of the door and the sound of her locking up behind me, I head down to my car with an extra spring in my step.

Chapter 11

Not in the Blender!

Haddie

Groaning into my pillow, I yell out, “I can’t do this!” It comes out muffled even to my own ears, but Marcus hears me anyway.

Chuckling, his snarky, condescending voice grates on my eardrums. “Suck it up, buttercup.”

“I wish you could see how hard I’m glaring at you right now.” And I am. I’m glaring so freaking hard; I’m surprised my phone isn’t crawling away to hide in a hole. “Screw this crap. I’m just going to bring all of these dresses over to you since you refuse to come here and help a girl out.”

“No! Sorry, I can’t have you come over right now. If you’re that worried, we can do a video chat.”

My glare turns to concern. “Marcus, why can’t I come over right now? Oh my God, do you have someone over there?” I whisper hiss at him.

I snicker when he actually whines at me. “Noooo. Of course I freaking don’t. It’s just really messy, okay? I’ve been meaning to pick up. I’m going to do it this week because my mom is insisting on bringing over this shelf thing. She found it in the basement, and it was my great great aunt’s or something like that.”

“I’m rolling my eyes at you. I don’t care if you have a mess. You’ve seen me at my worst, but I get it. Which aunt was it? Was it the one who had that freaky Victorian house tucked back in the woods?” I move into the closet to continue flipping through my clothes to find something I’ll be comfortable wearing.

“I swear that place was haunted. Yeah, I think it’s from there. I actually think it’s more of a curio cabinet because it’s got lights and a mirrored back.”

Giggling as I pull out a cream colored, knee length babydoll dress, I hold it up to my body in front of my mirror. “What if you store china in there and it comes to life when you’re sleeping? Ooh, maybe you should put a duster or something in there and it’ll clean for you at midnight!”

“You’re not writing a sex book about my duster and Great Great Aunt Eleanor’s curio cabinet.”

Humming to myself, I refuse to say I won’t write it. “I think I found a good dress. It’s that cream one that I wore to Alex’s college graduation. Do you think that one would be okay?”

“I’ll only answer if you promise not to write about Eleanor,” he grumbles, then yawns loudly into the phone.

“I heard your jaw pop on that one. And fine, I won’t write it. Now tell me, should I wear this?” I pull my shirt off and slip it on while I wait for his answer and continue to turn and look at it from different angles.

“I think it looks great on you. Aren’t you worried it screams ‘bride’, though?”

Pausing, I blink at my reflection, then cry out, “Well, now I’m going to! Jesus, Marcus. Why would you say that to me?”

Laughing hysterically, he snorts once before he calms down. “I’m just messing with you. Bride is a great look on you.”

“Ass.” I decide to say screw it and wear the dress anyway. It’s the only one that doesn’t feel too dressy and it makes me feel pretty. “Are you going out to O’Reilly’s tonight?”

Marcus sounds tired when he sighs into the phone again. “I don’t know. It’s not as fun when you’re not there. Addie said she and the girls are going out tonight and invited me to meet her there since you’re ditching me for the evening, so we’ll see.”

Wrinkling my nose, I definitely don’t blame him for not wanting to spend time with the Bimbo squad. “Well, if Beau decides taking me out on a date date tonight was a bad idea, I may need to drown my disappointment in the bottom of some shot glasses. Keep your phone on.”

“Harry, it’s going to be great. Maybe the Captain will take you to places you’ve never explored before.”

Snorting, I try to hold back my grin. “Sounds naughty.”

“Super naughty. I still can’t believe you screamed out that you were a virgin.” My cheeks turn red at the memory. I can’t believe he didn’t run screaming from the room in terror. Who does that? Me, that’s who. It’s me. I’m that awkward virgin in the room full of adults.

“His knee was touching me,” I whisper as a way to explain my word vomit. “It was so warm…”

“Jesus, you’re adorable. Okay, I need to run. I’m going to take a nap or something before I go out tonight.”

Snickering, I let him off the hook for keeping me entertained while I dissolve into a nervous mess. “Sleep well, my friend. I love you more than Tom Hanks loves Wilson.”

“I love you more than brides love weddings.”

My mouth drops open. “Brilliant. Damn you. Okay, I’ll fill you in tomorrow if I don’t see you tonight. If I do see you tonight, you’re buying.”

“Got it. Later, Harry.”

“Enjoy your nap!” I call out, then spend the next couple of hours prepping for my date with Beau.

I take an ungodly amount of time in the shower washing, then washing again. After that, I shave every inch of skin I can find with even one stray hair. By the time I’m done, I feel a tad more confident. My hair is something I’ll never be able to tame, so I let it air dry while I put on a bit of makeup. Addie taught me how to line my eyes and do my makeup to look like I’m not actually wearing any.

Some days, I wish she could show me how to be a tall, hot blonde with big boobs, but alas, my freckled skin says, ‘no way in hell’.

I’m ready a full thirty minutes before Beau is supposed to show up, so when he knocks on my door ten minutes early, I jump up from where I’m sitting on the couch.

With a racing heart, I smooth my clammy hands down the front of my dress and do some of those half walk, half run steps to the door. I’m not cut out for this. Date dates shouldn’t be a thing people allow me to participate in because I feel like I’m about to melt into a puddle right here before I ever get this door open.

Marcus’s reminder to take a deep breath before I speak goes up in flames completely when I open the door to Beau Hudson standing in the hallway. “Beam me up, Scotty,” flies out of my mouth as I take in his button up forest green dress shirt stretched across his delicious looking muscles. He’s paired his shirt with black slacks that do nothing to hide the size of his thighs. The man is a God. I want to worship him. Maybe even take a bite to see if he tastes as good as he smells.

His deep voice vibrates through me when he teases, “Who’s Scotty?”

“Scotty who?” I ask, confused by his question. Then I spy the bouquet he’s holding at his side. “Sweet Lord in heaven, did you bring me flowers?” I exclaim, pointing at the beautiful array of colors that stand out even more due to his darker clothes.

Beau’s smile is genuine when he hands them to me. “I did. And you said, ‘Beam me up, Scotty’. So, who’s Scotty?”

I pause just as my fingers wrap around the base of the bouquet. “Let’s ignore I said that. But seriously? Scotty from Star Trek. How do you not know that phrase? It’s classic. Like, ‘live long and prosper’,” I tell him, holding up the Vulcan sign.

His lips twist to the side as he considers me. “I hate admitting that I didn’t watch any of that growing up. My father and I were always busy with football practices, camps, and clinics.”

My hand with the flowers flies to my chest. I’m truly heartbroken for him. “I’m going to educate you. Although, if you didn’t start with the original series, you may not love it as much. I’m thinking The Next Generation, which now I’ll refer to as ‘TNG’, is the way to go. True Trek lovers will hate me for that, but I stand by it.”

Walking into my kitchen, Beau follows me as I look around for a vase or something I can place the flowers in. When I find nothing, I grab my blender from my lower cabinet to fill it with water. It only takes a moment to arrange them just the way I want, then I look at my date date. He’s scowling viciously at me.

“What’s wrong?” I ask, a bit of worry lacing my voice. He looks upset as I look between the flower arrangement and back at his face.

Jabbing his finger at the flowers and much louder than I’m sure he wanted to, he exclaims, “You stuck your flowers in a blender!”

Glancing down at them for a second, I nod slowly at him. “It’s big.”

“Haddie! You can’t put them in a blender.”

Damn. Why is he upset by this?

“Well, where the hell should I put them? I don’t have a vase!” I’m panicking as I peer around again, worried about offending him. Although, I don’t know what the big deal is. As I pull cabinet doors open, I mutter, “It’s not like it’s plugged in or anything.”

Beau plucks my hand away from my crockpot as I start to yank it out to check behind it for a damn vase. “It’s fine. You’re right, and they’ll be fine. I have to ask though; how do you not have a vase? I thought those were sort of standard in all kitchens.”

I know I shouldn’t feel embarrassed, but I can’t help the insecure thoughts that this is just another thing that makes me not normal. “I’m sorry, I just don’t have one.”

His low chuckle makes me feel slightly less awkward. “Happy, what’s your middle name?”

Wrinkling my nose, I answer him. “Elena.”

“And Haddie is short for Harriet, correct?” he asks. I answer with a nod because I don’t know why he’s changing the subject on my lack of vase decor. “Alright. Harriet Elena Byer, do you not have a vase because you’ve never received flowers?”

“Ew. Worst full name ever. Also, in my defense, I’ve never asked for them and my dad has always kept his flower buying limited to his wife. I haven’t bought them myself because I’m sure you can suspect that I’d find it difficult to keep them alive.” Dad buys the stepmonster flowers all the time, which I think is sweet because she really loves them.

Bouncing his head up and down like he’s understanding something, he asks, “You ready to go?”

“Uhh, yes? You’re really driving this conversation car all over the road on me.” Apparently, we’re moving on once again.

Snorting out a laugh, he grabs my hand to pull me toward the door. “Welcome to my world. Don’t worry about the flowers dying. Just keep water in there and pour in the plant food when you get home. They never last more than a week.”

“Wait! What’s your middle name?” I tug his hand to stop him, waiting for his answer.

He looks at me with a plea, silently asking me not to force him to answer. “That good, huh?” I ask, bouncing on my toes. With more than a hint of evil glee lacing my tone, I demand, “Spill, Cap.”

I giggle when his eyes close and he blurts out, “Arthur.”

“So, Beau Arthur Hudson?”

“Yep,” he bites out, resigned to his fate.

My smile grows even bigger when my brain sails through all the possibilities. “You gonna show me your sword, King Arthur?”

His eyes widen, then laughter explodes from deep within his chest. “Harriet Elena! We haven’t even gone to dinner yet!”

It only takes me a moment to hear what I said before I’m doubled over laughing like a fucking hyena. I can barely get the words out as I wheeze, trying to catch my breath. “I’m… not even… embarrassed. Fucking epic.”

Both of us continue to laugh for another moment before we calm down while staring at each other. I watch as his smile changes from humorous to warm and welcoming. “You got everything you need?”

“Yeah,” I whisper, picking my purse up from the table we’re standing next to.

Reaching out for my hand again, I place mine in his and shudder when he gives it a gentle squeeze. “Let’s go have some fun.”

Chapter 12

Dresses and Fire

Beau

In my defense, I thought taking Haddie to a hibachi grill for dinner would be a fun first date idea. Not that I was worried about stilted conversation if we were sitting alone together at a table. I figured she’d enjoy the activity and interactions of the cook with the diners.

Things started off great, if you ignore the fact that she put her flowers into a blender. Although, once she explained why she had to use her blender, I came to the decision that this woman was going to get flowers on the regular. With a vase next time.

Walking into the restaurant was the first time we had a casualty. The place I chose had some metal art decorating the outside of the building, and while we were waiting to walk inside, she got too close to it. The lace on her dress caught on the metal, and when she stepped away, the tearing noise startled both of us. When I looked down, I saw that a good six inches of fabric was hanging lower on the right side of her skirt.

I offered to drive us back to her place so she could change, but she simply laughed me off and asked the hostess for a pair of scissors. A couple of minutes in the bathroom solved her problem, and she walked back to me wearing a dress that was considerably shorter than when she started the night. I didn’t complain. Haddie has phenomenal legs and being able to see more of them had my eyes wandering down a bit more often than they should have been.

Now, though? Now, the two of us are staring at a wall of flames that just exploded from the grill top while the chef stares at it with wide eyes and a hint of panic. The flames are rapidly spreading to the grease trap at the end of the cooktop, where we can hear the scraps of food and fat sizzling and popping.

The piece of shrimp that the chef had tossed a moment before is lying limp in Haddie’s lap. She missed catching it in her mouth as the flames erupted in front of us.

“That’s a lot of fire,” she whispers next to me. The sound of her voice is enough to jolt me out of my frozen state to grab her arm and yank her out of her chair.

“Fuck! God, move back Happy!” She stumbles as I pull her away from our table just as the fire suppression system releases a coating to douse the flames. Thankfully, we moved far enough away that it doesn’t hit us, but it splattered our neighbors with the spray.

Wrapping my arms around her, I quickly move us with the crowd to head outside the front doors in an attempt to escape the smoke and smell of burned grease.

I don’t release her as we stand outside, waiting for the staff to let us know what we should do. Haddie’s body is trembling slightly as she stays tucked into my body. I feel fucking terrible that she’s scared by what just happened and can’t help the sinking thoughts that this date has gone all to hell.

Running my hand up and down her back, I press my lips to the top of her head and inhale the scent of her shampoo. “I’m sorry about all of this. Are you okay?” I ask, squeezing her tighter to me before I frown when I hear a distorted snort muffled against my chest.

With the way she’s leaning into me, I can’t see her face to gauge how she’s doing. I frown again when I hear another snort and feel her shoulders start shaking harder. Fuck. Is she sobbing into my chest?

“Happy, baby… Please don’t cry. Their systems did exactly what they were supposed to do, and I’m sure we were never in any danger.” I do my best to soothe her, but a burst of laughter from her finally has me pulling back far enough to scrutinize her face.

Haddie’s cheeks are bright red, her eyes are watering, and those plump, kissable lips are working hard to hold back a smile. Cocking my head to the side, I ask curiously, “Are you laughing because you find this funny, or because you’re having an inappropriate reaction to trauma?”

My question was serious, but when she finally stops holding it in, her raucous laughter causes multiple heads to turn toward us. Some of them glaring at her like she’s insane. I narrow my eyes at them until they look away.

“You’re really lighting my world on fire, Beau.” Her words come out between giggles and attempts to catch her breath. “Seriously, our first date ever and I offend you by putting my flowers in a blender, tear my dress to the point you can practically see my ass, and then…” She sucks in a breath to stifle some of her laughter but fails. “And then, our restaurant almost catches on fire!”

Wiping the tears from her cheeks, she looks up at me with eyes glittering under the outside lights of the building. “It’ll be a story for the kids, amiright?”

I gulp down the immediate knot that forms in my throat at the mention of kids. Not because I hate the idea, but that it sounds reasonable and like exactly what I want. That’s a lot to unpack while in the middle of our first disastrous date. Or, date date as Haddie likes to call it.

Her giggling dies down rapidly, and she clears her throat awkwardly. “Just teasing, Cap. It’ll be a great bar story, though. Like when you and your buddies sit around and decide to one-up each other on who had the worst imaginable date. You can be like, ‘Oh, you think an undercooked steak was bad? Let me tell you about the time our restaurant almost caught on fire’. It’ll be one for the books!”

Nervous rambling. It hasn’t taken me long to know that she does this when she’s trying to cover up her embarrassment from something she’s said, and I hate that it’s a habit of hers. Not that I don’t find the way her mind wanders incredibly cute, but I don’t want her to filter what she says. I like the surprise of her mind’s inner workings.

Humming, I pull her back toward me and wrap an arm around her waist while we wait. “Maybe. We could also try to top this one to see what shenanigans could happen on our date date number two. Fire is a tough one to beat, but maybe we could go hiking and get lost and chased by bears.”

Her eyes light up at that idea and I relax, happy to have moved her past what she probably feels was a slip of the tongue. “Or boating and have a near drowning experience. Good excuse for some mouth-to-mouth resuscitation though! Or take a flight and have engine failure. Honestly, our options are endless.”

Smiling down at her, we toss ideas back and forth, trying to come up with the best ‘worst’ date ideas until we’re allowed back inside to gather our things.

“Want to grab a burger since we didn’t get to eat dinner?” I ask her as I start the engine of my car. The hibachi place gave us vouchers to use at a later time and shut the place down for the evening to clean up the mess.

Haddie is buckled in, but her body is turned toward me. Her smile hasn’t left her face since she started laughing and I realize that even though things haven’t gone to plan, it’s still turning out to be a fun evening. It will be a good story for our history book.

“We could. I don’t know about you, but I could really use a drink, so could we have one afterwards? Only if you’re up for it. I don’t know how long you had planned on enduring the date date, so if you wanted to drop me ba–”

I cut her off before her speech gets too lengthy. “Happy. I’m not ready to call it a night yet, if you’re still good.”

This time, she looks at me with a hint of shyness behind her smile. I love the confident front she puts up with people, but this peek behind her mask has me even more certain that I like the woman I’m trying to get to know.

“Definitely.” Her smile makes me reach out to hold her hand for the rest of our drive to a fast-food place.

Once we order and scarf down burgers and fries, we sit back and let our food settle for a moment, both leaning back and looking at each other while we enjoy the silence. I haven’t really let go of her hand except when we needed to unwrap our dinner. At one point, she flipped hers upside down so she could lace her fingers with mine, and I feel like a teenager holding hands with a pretty girl for the first time. I could literally sit here all night like this, but I know we can’t.

“You want to go grab that drink? We could head over to O’Reilly’s if you’d like.”

Chewing on her lip, she seems hesitant, but then explains why. “We can go there. You should know that everyone is going to be there, though. Marcus told me he was going to meet Addie, along with Bamber and her bimbos.”

I bite back a smile at her use of Bamber. It’s really quite fitting. “Will it be a problem if they’re there?”

“Umm…” She chews on her lip as she considers my question. “Not so much for you, but I’m sure you’ll get questions. Bamber will be pissed because I’m stealing her boyfriend, so… Actually, yeah, let’s go. It’ll be super fun if you don’t care that she’ll blow a gasket.”

Her tone changed halfway through, and I see a spark of playfulness flashing through her face. I couldn’t care less if her sister gets pissed I’m there with Haddie. I never once indicated that she and I were anything more than two people who sat next to each other at a table one time. There was a moment that I had considered asking Kandii out, one of Amber’s friends, but I never got around to it because Haddie very quickly became my sole focus.

“Super fun, huh?” I wink at her as I start the car back up.

Mumbling, she blushes when she adds, “Super fun for me.” Then, quite a bit louder, asks, “Do you want to come with me to our family dinner tomorrow night? Because seriously, it’s going to be a damn war. Wait, no, nevermind. You don’t want to experience all of them at once. You’ll never call me again.”

Chuckling, I pull the car out of the lot and head toward O’Reilly’s. “If you want me to come to dinner to meet the parents and protect you from your sister, I’d be honored.”

Haddie’s eyes widen in surprise. “Really? Like really really?”

Raising a brow at her, I tease, “I find it pretty adorable that you and Addie both repeat words like that. It’s like you’re changing the meaning of the word by saying it twice. And yes, I would go with you to the dinner.”

Tapping her finger on her chin, she thinks out loud. “I suppose it does, actually. Date date means it’s a for real date, not just used as a filler word. Like like means you like someone as more than a friend. I suppose really really is me asking if you’re absolutely sure. I bet you could do that with all sorts of words.”

Huffing out a laugh, I start looking for a parking spot at the bar. Luckily, this place was only a few miles from where we grabbed burgers. “What about a kiss kiss? What would that mean?”

It’s endearing the way her expressions change as she attempts to give me an honest answer, completely missing the fact that I’m pushing to kiss her again. She legitimately considers my question and gives me a thoughtful answer.

“I suppose a regular kiss could mean anything like a quick kiss on the lips or the cheek. But a kiss kiss would be one of those ‘knock you on your ass’ kisses, with tongue and everything.”

Nodding my head solemnly after parking my car, I turn off the engine then fist my keys as I turn to her. “Harriet Elena Byer, can I give you a kiss?”

Her slow blink as she processes my question makes me want to laugh. “Not a kiss kiss?” she asks, clearly disappointed.

Shrugging at her, I playfully tease, “I’d like to give you a kiss kiss later tonight, but I’m afraid if I do that now, we won’t make it inside for that drink.”

She blushes again, and whispers, “I’d like a kiss.”

Leaning forward, I allow my lips to brush against hers before pressing them more firmly. I keep my tongue in check, no matter how much I want to dive inside and taste her again. Once I finish, I pull away and smile at her. “Thank you. As much as everything hasn’t gone according to plan, I am very much enjoying our evening. Let’s go piss your sister off.”

“Tonight, and tomorrow.” Giggling, she hops out of the car and waits for me to come around to her side and grab her hand. I lead us inside, where we quickly find familiar faces toward the back of the bar.

“Haddie!” Addie cries out, clearly excited to see her friend. When she sees us holding hands, she grins, then winks at me. “I’m so glad you guys came out. The waitress is just taking drink orders.”

Looking down at my date, she gives me a nod, then glances around the table. Her friend Marcus is sitting at the end and waves at the two of us. Haddie tugs on my hand, so I follow her over, only releasing her for a moment to grab an extra chair to set next to the empty one by Marcus.

“Marky-poo, what are you drinking?” she asks as we sit down. I notice her sister, Kandii, and a few other girls sitting at the other end of the tables, which have been pushed together. Jensen lifts his hand when I meet his eyes and I flash him a quick smile.

“Guinness. How’s your date going so far?” Marcus gives me a head nod in greeting. He sounds a bit tired, so I check my watch to see what time it is. It’s after nine at this point. I wonder how long they’ve all been out here?

“The restaurant caught on fire!” Haddie exclaims, and I roll my eyes.

Chuckling at the excitement over the drama of the evening, I shake my head. “Not the whole restaurant. Just our table. We went to that hibachi place, and there was a grease fire.”

Marcus seems to find our news humorous since he covers his mouth to hold in a laugh. “Of course it did. I’m not surprised tha–”

A screech interrupts him, and I close my eyes when I hear Amber snap, “A date?”

“Here we go,” Haddie whispers, then clears her throat, readying herself to combat her sister’s ire.

Amber actually stands up and plants her hands on the table, facing us down. “Are you fucking kidding me right now, Harry? You went on a date with him?” She jabs her finger in my direction. I open to my mouth to put her in her place, but Haddie gives my thigh a squeeze.

“It’s not a date, Bamber. Simmer down before you cause a scene.” My head jerks down to stare at her. Did she just shut me down in front of everyone?

Her eyes flick up to mine for just a second before she gives me a sly wink, then faces her sister again.

Amber relaxes and brushes her hair from her face and snorts a nasty huff of laughter. “Figured. Of course it’s not.” She glares at one of the guys to her right before adding, “People should get their facts straight before they go spreading rumors.”

“I agree wholeheartedly, Bamber. It wasn’t a date; it was a date date.” Haddie’s slow grin is dark, and I won’t lie and say her evil ploy to piss off her sister isn’t a turn on. It’s sexy as fuck to see her bait Amber and bait her she does.

Amber is seething as she glares at us. “What the hell do you mean, a date date?” Sneering at me, disgust is written all over her face. “Are you honestly telling me you’d rather take her out for a night? What’d she do, give you some ‘woe is me’ sob story and make you pity her?”

“Amber!” Addie snaps out, then shakes her head, shocked by the vitriol Amber is spewing from her hateful mouth. “How can you say something like that?”

Haddie gives her friend’s arm a small squeeze. I notice Jensen is also staring at Amber in surprise, clearly uncomfortable with the way this adult woman is speaking to her family.

Marcus cuts in, scowling at her. “What the hell is wrong with Haddie?”

“Let’s not broach that topic, shall we?” Haddie mumbles under her breath. I can’t stop the coursing need to shield her from her sister, so I put my arm across the back of Haddie’s chair and scoot her closer to my side.

Pointing a finger at Haddie, Amber looks to her friends for support and sneers, “Did you know that not only is she a fucking librarian–”

“A respectable job,” Haddie defends, affronted by the way Amber belittles her job.

“But she writes porn? Did you know that, Beau? The woman you’re wining and dining writes porn in her free time!” Amber is breathing heavily, and her friends start laughing behind their hands, mocking Haddie. Amber grins like she thinks she’s won a point in her favor.

Leaning forward, I lay into her. “I did know that. Although, I suspect it’s not porn, is it Happy?” She shakes her head, so I continue. “From what I understand, your sister has quite the following with her writing, so how about you try being informed before you fly off the handle? Your jealousy is showing. Green isn’t your color.”

“Jealousy?” she screeches. Huffing out a breath, she picks up her purse, and shoots a malicious glare toward Haddie. “I’m not going to sit here and let you embarrass me, our family, and Beau. You should be ashamed of yourself for tricking someone into taking you out on a date. Fucking pathetic if you ask me.”

Haddie is chewing on her lip as her sister’s tongue lashing whips her. “I wouldn’t say I’m an embarrassment, just more like I’m not everyone’s favorite ice cream flavor.” Her statement comes out more like she’s considering Amber’s accusations rather than being upset by them.

“What is wrong with you?” Haddie winces slightly when her sister’s question silences everyone in the bar, not just the people in our group.

I’m absolutely seething at the audacity of this woman, but my girl’s quiet snort of laughter stops me from reacting. Then she whispers, “If you say more, she’ll stay.”

My jaw is grinding as we watch Amber storm out of the bar, her friends following behind slowly, unsure if they should stay or go.

As Kandii walks past us along with her muttered “bitch,” I see fucking red and move to stand up to confront her. But Haddie’s warm hand on my forearm draws my attention away from her.

“It’s fine,” she insists. Then, looking around the table, she gives everyone a sheepish smile. “I’m really sorry, guys. I’d love to say that if I’d known she’d behave like that, I wouldn’t have come here. But it’s a total lie. It was totally my idea to piss her off tonight.”

Jensen laughs loudly, then waves the waitress over again. We were so distracted when we sat down that we never did get to place our order.

Haddie leans toward Marcus. “What are we drinking tonight? I really don’t want to stick with beer.”

His eyes light up, then drains his glass. “Tequila? Please?”

“You guys really like your tequila, huh?” I ask with a grin. It’s never been my favorite liquor, but I’d be okay taking a couple shots with them tonight.

Addie snickers. “They are obsessed with the stuff, but the toasts are worth it.”

My eyebrows rise as I remember the first night I met this woman, and how she insulted me with her toast. “Are you going to bless us with more?”

Haddie bites her lip and grins up at me. “If you’re lucky, which you are, because I’ve got a few brewing in my head.”

“After that, I want to hear more about this not porn you’re writing, Haddie,” Jensen teases.

Addie leans into his side. “Her stories are brilliant. Twisted, and really weird, but so freaking hilarious.”

Thankful that he isn’t making her feel like she should be ashamed of her side job, I grin at everyone at the table. “She came up with one in my car a couple of weeks ago. It’ll be the first one I get to read.”

Haddie blushes, but I can tell she’s relieved that no one else is making fun of her. I suspect she hears a lot of shit about it from her worthless family, if Amber’s reaction is any indication. The bartender drops off two shots of tequila for everyone. When she sits up straight while picking up her glass, I know we’re in for a treat.

“You want to go first, Marcus?” she asks.

I hold back a laugh as he raises his glass and stares at all of us before he says, “Here’s to all my friends and lovers. May all your ups and downs be under the covers!”

Haddie, along with everyone else, bursts out laughing as we choke down our shots. Addie slams down her glass, then claps her hands together. “You next, you next!” she chants, cheering Haddie on. Everyone is holding up their second shots, ready for the second round.

I guess we’re doing these back-to-back.

Haddie giggles before she even starts, and I watch as Marcus’s smile grows until he’s fighting back a laugh. Leaning toward him, I ask, “Why are you already laughing?”

From the side of his mouth, he whispers, “Because she’s gearing up for a good one.”

“Hush, boys. Alright, you all ready?” Haddie asks after scolding us. Once she has our attention, she clears her throat. “When God made man, he had a little left, so he left a little thing. When God made woman, there wasn’t quite enough, so he left a little space. Here’s a toast to ‘little things in space’.”

Jesus Christ, this woman.

Chapter 13

He kiss kissed Me!

Haddie

Once Bamber and her friends left, the rest of the evening went smoothly. By the time eleven rolled around, I noticed Marcus was fighting to keep his eyes open and looking a little pale.

Whispering so no one else can hear, I lean toward him. “Marcus, are you doing okay? You don’t look like you feel very well.”

I grow concerned when he gives me a slow blink, then shakes his head like he’s fighting off his sleepiness and gives me a sheepish smile. “I’m good, Harry. But I think I’m going to head home. I sort of put off some of my work this week, so I need to play catch up this weekend. Early morning for me!”

My frown grows because I feel like he’s bullshitting me. Marcus doesn’t ever lie to me, so this feeling that he’s making excuses doesn’t sit well. He works remotely from home doing data entry, and he told me earlier this week that he couldn’t come over because he was busy working.

“You can go if you want, but I thought you told me I couldn’t come over to see you because you were busy working? Do they have you doing extra hours or something?”

I feel Beau’s hand slowly rub my back and I try to tamp down on my body shiver at his touch. It’s probably meant to be reassuring since I’m certain he’s listening in, but all it does is make thoughts of ‘Oh God, he’s touching my body’ race through my head.

Marcus can read me like the back of his hand, and he smirks. “No extra hours. I just had some late nights, so I overslept a few days.” Leaning forward, he presses a quick kiss to my cheek. “I’ll get my shit done so you can call me tomorrow afternoon and tell me all about tonight.”

Sighing, I nod my head. “Text me when you get home. Are you okay to drive?” After the two shots of tequila a few hours ago, he stuck to water for the rest of the evening, so I’m not too concerned that he isn’t safe to drive home, but I have to ask.

“Promise. Do you need my car for tomorrow night?” he asks, knowing that I normally need it to drive out to my parents’ place.

Looking over at Beau, silently asking if he still wants to go with me, I raise a brow in question. “I’m going with her tomorrow, so I’ll drive us over.” I knew he was listening in.

Smiling at Marcus, I whisper, “He’s coming for the extended version of Bamber’s meltdown. Maybe I’ll call you after that instead, because I think that altercation is going to be a much better story!”

Laughing, he hands me some cash to cover his portion of the tab, then gets up to say goodbye to everyone at the table. Turning to Beau and me, he lifts his hand in a wave. “See ya, Cap. Glad to hear you guys survived your night.” Then to me, he says, “I love you more than Michael Scott loves saying ‘that’s what she said’.”

I giggle, pushing away my worry. There’s no major reason he would lie, so I’ll just dig a little more tomorrow. “I love you more than Dwight Schrute loves beets.”

Beau snorts a laugh, and I beam up at him. “You guys are Office fans?” he asks, eyes dancing between the two of us.

“Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica. Hell yes, we are!” I cross my fingers, hoping that even though he doesn’t know Star Trek, he knows this. That show is my go-to when I need to not think and find my happy place.

I wave to Marcus as he leaves, knowing I’ll be calling him with all the details soon enough.

Beau nods his head seriously. “Honestly, one of my favorite series.”

I can’t stop from clapping my hands together in excitement. “We should start it over and watch it together!”

“I think that can be arranged. You ready to get out of here?” The look he gives me when he asks is more heated rather than one screaming he’s ready for the night to end.

Swallowing back my nerves, I nod my head. Beau stands by my side as I make my rounds of goodbyes, giving Addie an extra long hug. Her whisper of encouragement followed by a double thumbs up eases my nerves. It’s nice to know that she approves of him. He keeps my hand wrapped up in his during the walk to his car, the drive back to my place, and up to my door.

His voice is low when he asks, “Will you invite me inside, Happy?”

My body trembles. There’s no stopping the verbal spillage as my cheeks heat. “Do you want to come in so we can have a kiss kiss? Because I’ll be really honest here, I’m nervous as hell. Not just because of the virgin thing, but the not knowing what the expectations are. Is this one of those cases where it’s a codeword for getting naked together and doing the horizontal tango? I’m not against that, but I should note that all womankind would probably think that doing that after a first date will probably give you the wrong–”

My mouth snaps shut when Beau takes a step closer to me, but since I’m already backed against my door, it only brings his body in contact with mine. Dropping his head down, his lips brush my cheek, before he presses his face against mine. His lips are close to my ear, and I can feel his breath when he rasps out, “Invite me in.”

“O-Okay,” I whisper, then spin around to unlock my door. I can feel the heat of his chest seeping through my dress, warming my back. The moment we both hear the door lock disengage, he turns my doorknob quickly to move us inside.

His arm wraps around my waist as he leads us forward. The sound of the door clicking shut makes me suck in a gasp of air. I release my keys and purse when he pulls me against him tighter. The thud echoes through my empty apartment. The sound barely registers as Beau’s lips trace up the side of my neck, causing my breath to hitch as my head falls to the side.

“I’m going to kiss kiss you, happy girl,” he murmurs against my skin.

“Yes, please,” I breathe out, then gasp when he spins me around and presses me up against my wall with his hands on my hips.

His head dips down, bringing his mouth a hair’s breadth from mine, but he doesn’t make the connection yet. His hands squeeze my hips once more before he lets go to run them up my side and to my upper arms. Grabbing hold of my wrists, he guides one arm over his shoulder and around his neck. My other arm follows the same wordless order and I cling to him, digging my fingers into the solid muscles on his upper back.

He’s still breathing against my mouth when he reaches down to grasp my ass and hike me up the wall. The movement forces my legs to wrap around his waist as my feet leave the floor.

Beau’s lips brush against mine as he promises, “This can just be a kiss kiss, or it can be more. It’s your choice, but don’t think for a second that I won’t be here again, no matter what happens tonight.”

My eyes flicker between his to make sure that he’s being honest, and I can see the truth of his words written all over his face. When I nod my head yes, our lips brush again, both of us shivering at the contact.

His body relaxes against mine, bringing us even closer, if that’s possible. He whispers while staring down at my mouth. “I’ve been thinking about this since the last time I tasted your lips. I can’t get you out of my head.” This man’s confession fucking melts me.

Stars and bright lights slam into me when his mouth finally descends on mine. There’s no hesitation or unsure movements this time around. Beau devours me like he’s starving. I can’t move except to open further to breathe in much needed air before I pass out, and he takes advantage of the newfound freedom in our kiss. As his tongue slips inside, licking against mine, I tighten my hold so he can’t get away. I need to live here, being consumed by him while he holds on to keep me from floating away.

We exchange gasps and moans as our tongues battle with each other, trying to get deeper and impossibly closer than we are now. Beau’s grip under my thighs gets tighter and I can feel his chest rapidly rising and falling against mine, heaving as we continue to make out. My hips circle slightly, trying to get closer, and it makes him groan against me when I feel his cock press up between my legs.

Sweet Jesus, I can feel Beau’s cock.

He tears his lips away from mine and presses his head in the crook of my neck, groaning as he shifts against me. His shaking hands move to my hips and take control as he grinds me against him slowly, inciting both of us to moan at the feeling.

“Christ, Haddie. You feel so fucking good.”

“Happy!” It’s the only thing I can formulate the words for.

“Happy.” He punctuates my name with a thrust that drives him hard right against my clit.

“Yes,” I cry out, then pull his face up to my mouth to kiss him again. “Let’s do all the things. Not… not nervous anymore,” I pant against his lips.

His chuckle rolls through his chest, the vibration making its way through my body and sending my nerve endings haywire.

Pulling only his head back, he looks down at me with his smile tilted up on one side and lifts a hand to brush my hair away from my face. “I want to do all the things, but let’s slow down a bit. We’ve got so much time, happy girl.”

There’s no stopping my pout, but I know that I’ll appreciate his restraint tomorrow. “But what about all the things?”

Holding on to me to make sure I’m steady as he waits for my feet to become settled under me, he grins. “How about we try another thing tomorrow after dinner with your family?”

I wrinkle my nose at the reminder of seeing them. It’s not that I don’t love them, but these past few visits have been hell. “Better be a good thing if we have to endure that.”

“It’ll be the best thing,” he promises.

My eyes light up, curious about what that means. “Now I want to know what that means!”

Giving me a sly smile, he kisses me softly, then cups my face. “I’d like to try my tongue out on some different places.”

His smirk when my mouth drops open is so fucking sexy that I swear I feel my pussy muscles spasm in need. “You’re going to destroy me, Captain.”

Throwing his head back, he laughs as he grabs my hand and tugs me toward the living room. “That’s the plan. Let’s watch a movie or something until you’re ready to kick me out.”

Grinning, I kick my shoes off and let him pull me along. We spend the next few hours watching episodes of The Office after disagreeing on each other’s movie suggestions. I’d love to say that we spent some of that time with more kissing, but we didn’t. We laid together and laughed our asses off until both of us passed out on the couch, my body tucked into his with his arms wrapped around me, holding tight.

I wasn’t disappointed to find him gone in the morning because he had told me he had a meeting at nine.

The note he left on my counter, though, has me racing for my phone to have a group call with Marcus and Addie.

Breathing heavily with excitement as they get settled in, I screech into the phone, reading the note.

“Happy girl. You looked too beautiful this morning to wake, so I apologize for not saying goodbye. Thanks for the best date date I’ve ever had the pleasure of being a part of. I’ll pick you up at 4:30. I can’t wait to see you tonight to do ‘all the things’. – Cap”

Chapter 14

This is Your Family?

Beau

Haddie opens her door within seconds of me knocking, and I thought it was because she was excited to see me, but the moment I see her face, I know something’s not right.

I go to ask what’s wrong, but she holds her finger to her mouth to keep me from talking. That’s when I notice that she’s got her phone up to her ear.

“Do you want me to go over there tonight and check on him, Mrs. O’Brien?”

Thinking quickly, I remember that Marcus’s last name was O’Brien, so maybe it’s his mom that she’s talking to? She’s looking up at me while she listens, opens her mouth to say something, then snaps it shut again. Finally, she responds.

“I saw him last night when we were all out. He seemed like he was a bit tired, but he said that he had to work early today. When we spoke this afternoon, nothing seemed out of the ordinary. But I have noticed that he’s not been quite himself over the past couple of weeks. Honestly, I can go over there. I have no problems canceling my plans with the ‘rents.”

There’s worry written all over her face, but once she lets out a quick laugh and relaxes, I find my muscles loosening right along with her.

“Maybe you should come along and protect us.” She pauses, then gives me a shy smile. “Oh, right. I suppose it’s been a minute since we’ve talked. I’m sort of bringing a boy–” I cut her off with a raised eyebrow and she snickers. “Excuse me, a man with me to dinner tonight. I’m sort of seeing someone right now.”

Mrs. O’Brien’s voice raises through the speaker in what sounds like excitement, but I can’t make out what she’s saying. Haddie turns her back to me and hisses, not quietly, “Go ask your son for details, Miss Buttinsky. I’ll tell you nothing. Nothing I say!”

Her affronted gasp has me chuckling out loud. “You take that back! You can’t be trusted with secrets. You’ll run to your cribbage group so quickly to fill them in that I’ll have a call from my dad before I even make it to his house. Don’t deny it.”

The look she gives me over her shoulder makes me take an involuntary step closer, and I wrap my arms around her from behind. Leaning down, I can hear the end of Mrs. O’Brien’s rant.

“–all about it tomorrow then. I refuse to get secondhand details from Marc or anyone else around here. I want ALL the details. Is he a nice boy? Treating you right? He better–”

Clearing my throat, I know she hears me when she immediately stops talking. “I’m going to try my best, Mrs. O’Brien,” I tell her.

“Oh my. Well, I’m so happy to hear that. Our Harry is a special girl, and we only want the best for her.”

Groaning, Haddie closes her eyes. “Don’t be weird, Mrs. O. He hasn’t even met the whole family yet.”

I press a kiss to her cheek and step back from eavesdropping on their conversation. Jingling my keys at her, I grin when she nods quickly, shoving her phone between her shoulder and ear as she picks up her purse. “Listen, I need to run. Are you sure you don’t want me to go over there?”

Another pause and her shoulders drop and a giant smile spreads across her face. “Awesome, I’m glad he’s calling you right now. Tell him I’m going to kick his ass tomorrow. Love you.”

Haddie hangs up the phone and gives me an apologetic smile. “Sorry about that. Mrs. O’Brien had tried to call Marcus today a few times and couldn’t get a hold of him. She’s been worried about him because he’s been doing that a lot lately.”

There’s worry in her voice, which makes my concern grow. She knows him well, so if that’s out of the norm for him, I don’t like it either. “Do we need to go over to his place? I’m at your disposal, happy girl.”

The smile that lights up her face is absolutely breathtaking. “He was calling through at the end of the conversation. I’ll go see him tomorrow. As much as I’d love to avoid the stepmonster tonight, I’m not letting you off the hook. I need protection from her passive aggressive complimentary insults.”

Smirking, I hold the door open for her. “It’ll be my pleasure. Can’t wait,” I say sarcastically.

Haddie’s little snort is adorable and makes me chuckle. “I was slightly worried that this would be the last time you’d ever want to see me again, but I think you’ll hold up well enough.” She pats my chest as she walks by. “Deborah likes a man with muscles.”

We make our way down to my car and, of course, she makes more comments about it being equivalent to a spaceship. Her obsession with the technology in here is actually pretty flattering. I’m glad she likes it, especially because I love having her in here with me.

Every other time I’ve driven a date, the drive has seemed uneventful and slightly boring. It’s always been about getting to the destination. But with Haddie, I have just as much fun during the between parts and it’s refreshing to feel that. Looking forward to just hanging out with her has been some of my favorite parts of spending time with her.

By the time we make it to her dad’s place, her mood has changed. She’s still cracking jokes, but now her smile is brittle and shifting around nervously. She shoots quick looks out the window toward the house, like she’s having difficulty making eye contact with me.

“Happy,” I say carefully, interrupting another rambling speech she’s making about the different tassels of sweet corn and field corn. “We don’t have to go in if you’re not comfortable. If you want to go home, I’ll turn the car around and pretend we never stopped. If you’d like to go in there alone, I’ll wait until you’re ready to be picked up. I’d offer to go in there alone, but I don’t think you’d want that because you’re too sweet to subject me to them without reinforcements. Just tell me what you want to do.”

Haddie looks me over, presumably deciding how serious I’m being. When she finally realizes that I mean every word, she leans forward and plants her lips heavily against mine.

Cupping the sides of my face when she pulls back, her eyes dance back and forth. “I think that’s probably the sweetest, most gracious offer I’ve ever been tempted to take. It’ll be okay though. Just… please don’t judge me for the way they are.”

Her pleading breaks my heart because I feel her anxiety in my soul. It’s the same when I introduce my father to anyone I care about. Kissing her forehead, then the tip of her nose, I pinch her chin and tilt her face up to look at me. “Your family doesn’t make you who you are. I’d never hold their sins against you. Someday, I hope you’ll meet mine, and when that day happens, I’ll need the same reassurance from you.”

Her smile of understanding is enough to let me know she and I are on the same page. “You ready to head in there?”

Nodding, she rolls her shoulders and straightens her spine. “Yup. Looks like everyone’s cars are here, so that’ll be fun. My stepmonster wanted me here early to help with dinner, but I backed out when I texted my dad that I was bringing a guest.”

Grabbing her hand once we’re outside of the car, I ask, “Did you tell them who you were bringing tonight?”

She comes up short and holds her finger to her lip, playing innocent. “Whoops. Probably should have done that.” Her sly grin makes me chuckle. “Guess we’re both in for a treat. You don’t mind, do you? It’s not very often I get to bait Deborah or my sister. Oh! Make sure you call my stepmom Deborah. She’s going to insist on Debbie. It’s an inside joke.”

Her giggle tells me she’s absolutely lying to me about the inside joke thing, but I’ll do anything to keep her happy tonight.

The moment we walk inside the house, the smell of Italian food assaults my senses. The instant rumble in my stomach reminds me I haven’t eaten since this morning. Haddie pulls me away from the direction of the kitchen, calling out, “Hey everyone!” Then drags me into the living room.

Four pairs of eyes fall on me immediately, and all of them widen, eyebrows practically hitting their hairlines.

“Holy shit. Are you Beau Hudson?” one of her brothers asks as he stands up and walks toward us with an outstretched hand.

Haddie steps away to greet her father while I shake her brother’s hand. “I am. I know you’re one of Haddie’s brothers, but I’m not sure who’s who yet.”

He laughs awkwardly while casting quick glances at his sister in confusion. “I’m Jonathon. I went to school at the same time as you when you were playing ball. Went to all your home games.”

“Thanks man. It was good times for sure.” Jonathon slaps me on the shoulder and Haddie’s other brothers step up to introduce themselves as well. Alexander and Matthew seem like decent guys, both mentioning that they follow my team.

Before any of them can dive into more in depth questions, Haddie calls for me. “Beau, this is my dad, Donald Byer.”

“Donny, please,” he says, reaching a hand out to me. I’m only a couple inches taller than him, and when we shake, he holds mine with a firm grip as he gives me the once over.

“Nice to meet you, Donny, and thank you for having me for dinner tonight. It all smells great.” He must like the compliment because he gives me an easy smile.

There aren’t a lot of common features between Haddie and the men in her family, aside from skin tone. Where their eyes are blue, hers are green. Add in her red hair and petite stature, she’s completely the opposite of their bulky sizes and blonde hair.

I hear Alexander ask Haddie under his breath, “What the hell are you doing bringing one of the head coaches to dinner, Haddie? How the hell did this happen?”

She looks at them, then at me with wide eyes. “You’re a coach? For what sport?”

Matthew’s mouth drops open as he scowls at her. “Are you kidding me?” He looks between the two of us, bewildered that she might not know. Shoving a finger in my direction, he shouts, “He’s one of the best goddamn defensive football coaches on the collegiate level!”

“Language, Matt!” Donny bites out, but Matthew only waves him off.

She gasps and presses a hand to her chest. “He is? Oh my God! We met at the gas station yesterday and I thought he was cute, so I invited him to come along tonight.” Turning to me as she twirls a strand of hair around her finger, she asks, “So, like, is it super hard being a coach for football players?”

I wipe my hand over my mouth to stop myself from laughing out loud at her while her brothers and dad continue to stare like she’s lost her mind. Do they not understand her at all?

“Oh my God, wait! I need some bubble gum to snap,” she cries as she looks around. “I gotta perfect the brainless bimbo thing and bubble gum is key!”

“Happy, quit teasing them,” I snicker, then look over at Alexander. “She’s very aware of what my job is. It’s the reason we met.”

“I don’t know about that,” she mumbles at the same time one of her brothers asks, “Happy?”

To Matthew, Haddie asks, “You rang?”

“What the hell is going on?” Jonathon asks, as lost as I felt those first few interactions I had with this woman.

Her dad cuts in, stopping Haddie’s joke. “Boys, your sister is obviously teasing you. Beau, welcome to our home. I look forward to getting to know a little more about you.” He puts an arm around Haddie’s shoulders and pulls her into his side. “My pumpkin hasn’t told me much other than who you were and that you two have recently started seeing each other.”

She’s blushing at his comments and mutters, “You forgot I told you he drives a spaceship.”

Her brothers are looking at us like they can’t believe what her father just shared. I immediately get pissed when Matthew plants his hands on his hips and frowns at me. “You’re actually dating her?”

Snapping at him, I do my best to balance my need to defend her against his implied insult and not be rude. “I think you meant to ask if she’s actually dating me.”

“But… why?” he asks, not taking the hint.

Haddie snorts and rolls her eyes. “Rude.”

“Matthew! Don’t be rude,” their dad scolds. “Your sister is a wonderful woman, and any man would be lucky to win her.”

He throws his hands up and gives his sister an apologetic smile. “Didn’t mean any offense, sis. I’m just surprised because you two don’t really seem like…” He trails off, trying to decide how he wants to word his thinly veiled insult to come across as kind. “Like you would have a lot of similar interests. That’s all I’m saying.”

Ignoring her brother, Haddie claps her hands together once, drawing our attention to her. “Well, now that these introductions are out of the way, Beau, would you like something to drink?”

Holding my hand out, she doesn’t hesitate to place hers in mine and lean against me. I’m determined for these men to see that I am invested in Haddie and seeing where this thing goes between us.

“I’ll come with you.” Smiling down at her, I can tell that her brothers’ words have cut her, but she’s putting on a brave face so they don’t know how affected she is. I bring our joined hands up to my lips and kiss the back of hers. The hitch of her breath sets my blood pumping harder, easing my frustration with them.

“Why don’t we all go in? I’m sure it’s about time to eat,” her dad says, holding his hand out for me and Haddie to walk ahead of him.

As we walk toward the back of the house where the kitchen is, I can hear him talking quietly, but urgently, to her brothers. Hopefully, he’s telling them to stop being asses.

Haddie glances up at me as we make our way through the house. “Sorry about that,” she whispers. “Deborah and my sister are in the kitchen, and I don’t think this is going to go as well as it just did with them.” She jerks her thumb over her shoulder to point at her family members behind us. “Just a head’s up.”

“It’ll be what it’ll be. I don’t care what they say as long as you know that I don’t agree,” I whisper in her ear.

Her giggle proceeds us into the kitchen, and I can’t stop my grin from spreading ear to ear.

“Debbie, honey. Come over and meet the man Haddie’s brought with her to dinner tonight.” Donny smacks me on the shoulder as he moves past us toward his wife and Haddie’s sister.

The two of them are facing away from us. Amber sitting at the large island, cupping a wineglass between her hands while Deborah is placing what, I think, is garlic bread into a basket. Both of them turn around at the same time and things happen quickly after that.

Deborah looks at me first, her eyes quickly dropping down my body then back up, eyes wide like she’s shocked to see me standing there. Then they slide over to Haddie, who isn’t moving by my side, and her eyes narrow. Her wrinkles crease deeply above the bridge of her nose. She’s clearly not pleased that Haddie has brought a man to dinner.

Amber, on the other hand, jumps up from her seat with eyes wide as saucers as she looks back and forth between the two of us. The moment she locks her gaze on our joined hands, her face immediately changes into a furious expression. She slams her glass down on the counter, causing it to shatter, sending red wine everywhere.

“Amber, honey! My goodness, what are you doing?” Donny exclaims, rushing over to her side.

“Daddy! Are you fucking kidding me right now?” Huge crocodile tears fill her eyes as she stares up at him. “Haddie is here with the guy I was going to date!”

Her screeching actually makes me wince, but my happy girl’s eyes are dancing with humor as she watches her sister dissolve into a fit of rage.

Neither of us notices Deborah slinking closer until I feel Haddie jump when we both hear this woman hiss under her breath. “Harriet Byer. This is cruel, even for you! You should be ashamed of yourself.”

The only thing I can think to say right now is, “She prefers Haddie.”

Chapter 15

Dinner was Delicious

Beau

It took about fifteen minutes before everyone settled down and composed themselves. Whether they’re calmed down is debatable, but for now, there is a tenuous peace between the women. I’d be willing to bet my life savings that if her father wasn’t in here right now, the tension would snap, and Deborah and Amber would explode.

Haddie is sitting to my left and when I see her shift in my peripheral vision, I turn my head toward her. “So,” she says out of the side of her mouth while keeping an eye on her enemies sitting across from us. “How about that weather, huh?”

My hands are resting on my lap while waiting for everyone to serve themselves food. I use the opportunity to slip my hand over to her thigh and give it a gentle squeeze.

Amber’s eyes narrow marginally, probably knowing something is happening, but not exactly sure what it is. “The heat is supposed to break soon, which will be a relief to the team,” I say.

“I bet they’re melting in full pads every day,” Donny says, picking up the change in topic so we can move past the fact that Haddie’s sister is a delusional psycho woman.

Nodding, I give him a small but genuine smile. “We’ve been utilizing the cooler temperatures in the morning. So, crack of dawn practices for a while.”

Deborah passes the salad bowl across the table to me and I’m disappointed that I have to pull my hand away from Haddie to grab it. “Thank you, Deborah.”

“Oh, please, I prefer Debbie.” Her smile is forced, and I know that she and I will never move past false pleasantries. I have a hunch that if I were sitting next to the other daughter at this table, her attitude would be significantly different.

All I can do is hum under my breath, refusing to acquiesce to her request. Haddie didn’t fully explain why she asked me to call her Deborah, but the moment she called her Harriet, I knew that was the reason.

We all dig in and eat with easy conversation. The brothers ask more questions about my team while Deborah and Amber chat quietly with each other. Haddie is silent for the most part, allowing them to pester me with questions. It doesn’t take long for me to realize that she’s not intentionally staying quiet so they can get to know me. It’s because they actually don’t converse with her.

There have been no ‘How’s work been going?’ or ‘What’s new with you?’ questions. I’m sure not all of them ignore her intentionally, but there’s a lot of disinterest and indifferent attitudes when it comes to Haddie.

I don’t like it.

Clearing my throat, I lean back and place my arm across the back of her chair. “I’m going to have to set up a dinner with my parents soon. My mom was very excited to finally get to meet you after all the things I told her about you.”

Haddie looks surprised. The fork she’s holding pauses halfway to her mouth as she looks at me. “Really? I’d love to meet them, but I didn’t know you had told her much about me.”

Her family is curiously quiet as I continue my conversation with her, ignoring them. Brushing a strand of hair from her cheek, I nod slowly. “Sure did. I shared how often I put my foot in my mouth around you during our first few run-ins. Actually, when I explained what you were doing for some of my guys–”

Alexander interrupts me. “What is she doing?” I don’t answer him right away. I hold up a finger, letting him know I’ll get back to him in a moment. Frankly, he could ask her what she’s doing, but I know it’ll take a while to retrain them on how not to be dicks.

“She’s the one who knocked me upside the head and pointed out I was dropping the ball where you were concerned. Oh! I need you to find the safest story for her to read because she’s absolutely fascinated by what you do.” Chuckling, I shake my head, remembering how mom’s eyes got huge when I showed her all of Haddie’s stories online. “Mom is very much looking forward to discussing it with you.”

Haddie’s giggle erupts out of her. “I can only imagine how that conversation will go.”

Amber’s scoff pulls Haddie’s attention away from me. “Gross. Can we not talk about your weird sex books? I’m trying to enjoy dinner.”

Sighing, Donny shoots her a pleading look. “Please stop, Amber. But she’s right, pumpkin. I don’t think your little hobby is an appropriate topic.”

I’m surprised by his referral to her writing as a ‘little hobby’. I spent over an hour clicking on every single one of her books to read the synopsis. Not only does she have dozens of them published, but the reviews and ratings are filled with praise for how well written they are. She also has a huge following, a few thousand ratings on a lot of them.

“I can understand not discussing the details of the stories, but have you seen how well she’s doing? Hannah Banana is incredibly popular. I wouldn’t call it just a little hobby,” I defend.

Haddie sucks in a breath when I confront her dad, then asks, “You looked me up?”

“What’s Hannah Banana?” Deborah asks.

Haddie turns to her, surprised by the question. “Uhh… my pen name?”

“You don’t know her pen name?” I ask, then look around at everyone and immediately know they had no idea. “Have any of you actually looked into it? She’s incredibly successful. Happy probably doesn’t even need her day-to-day job at the school.”

Haddie’s pout is adorable. “But I like my job there.”

Her father doesn’t seem pleased with the direction we’re heading in, i.e., being called out for not knowing something major about his youngest child.

“Look, I’m sure it’s all fun and games that people are interested in it, but it’s not something we love around here,” he tries to explain to me. Haddie’s brothers actually look embarrassed by Donny’s words, Jonathon going so far as to wince.

“Dad,” she whispers. I’m not sure exactly how it changed, but she went from being flattered that I shared how much I knew about her, to caving in on herself. “I know you’ve got ideas about the things I write, but if you’d let me explain what I actually do…”

Her voice trails off when she sees the look on his face. With a quick glance toward the other two women, I seethe at the small smirks gracing their lips. Matthew, Jonathon, and Alexander are all silently sitting, staring at anything but my girl.

Donald Byer loses every ounce of respect I would have considered giving him when his lip curls. “What? Should I be proud of you? Proud that you’re writing about animal sex and monsters and orgies? I’m not proud of you for that. I’m embarrassed.”

Standing up, I set my napkin across my plate and draw everyone’s eye to me. “You should be proud. I haven’t even had the opportunity to read any of them yet, and I’m fucking proud of her.”

Looking down at Haddie, it doesn’t seem like her father’s words have affected her. Not until I see the small tremble of her lower lip, do I decide it’s time for us to leave.

Making eye contact with Deborah, I say, “Dinner was delicious, Deborah. I’m not sure when we’ll be ready to repeat it. Amber?” I wait for her to look at me with hopeful eyes and find a bit of joy as I extinguish it. “I wasn’t ever interested. Not for one second.” Then, I turn to her brothers, and they know that my next words are going to sting. “You three should be ashamed of yourselves. Sitting there letting your baby sister get treated like this. I’ve been here for less than an hour and can see the amount of toxicity she, I assume, has dealt with for years.”

I wait for them to meet my eyes. They seem to be decent guys, so I soften my next two words.

“Man up.”

Grabbing Haddie’s hand, I pull her from her chair and without a goodbye, walk her out of the dining room. I grab her purse from the hook by the door without stopping, and deposit her into the passenger seat.

She’s silent the whole time, and I don’t know what that means. I’ve been picking up on her tells. When she makes silly jokes and plays around by teasing me, it’s because she’s comfortable and in a good mood. When she straightens her shoulders and delivers a blow to the ego, it’s because she’s putting up her defenses against someone she believes is going to hurt her. The rambling happens when she’s nervous and she loses all control of her filter. Those are my absolute favorite because I find it fascinating what jumbled mess comes spouting out from her brain.

The silence though? I don’t know what it means. Sliding into the driver’s seat, I turn on the car and let it idle, gripping the steering wheel and squeezing until my knuckles turn white. I’m so angry for her.

When I look over at Haddie, I catch her staring out the window with unblinking eyes. There’s no indication of what she’s thinking, and it’s just another moment for me to I realize I’ve got more to learn about this woman. She’s so much more than what you first assume.

“Happy,” I call out softly, my voice cracking a bit. I wait until she turns her head slowly toward me, the empty look on her face still there. With my eyes, I plead for her to believe every word I’m about to say to her. “I don’t give a fuck what they say. I’m so goddamn proud of you, and I need you to believe that.”

Her reaction is instantaneous. Haddie’s eyes brim with tears as she throws her entire body at me and wraps her arms around my neck, practically crawling into my lap.

I circle my arms around her, and when the first sob rocks her body, I tighten my hold and tug her further against me. “Baby,” I coo to her and press my cheek against the top of her head. She buries her face in my neck as she cries. My throat feels tight when I swallow, wanting to give anything to annihilate the sadness she’s encased in. “Happy girl, I’m so fucking sorry you’ve had to deal with that bullshit.”

She shakes her head without pulling away from me, unable to speak just yet. I run my hands over her back, cradling her against me, then hold the back of her head as she breaks down. I notice movement from the living room window, and glare at whomever is peeking out to see what’s going on. Let them fucking see. Let them see how they’ve torn down an amazing and wonderful person.

Eventually, she pulls away from me, wiping her tears with her arm. Her smile wobbles, but it’s not forced. “You’re really–” A hiccup stops her, and she laughs at herself. “You’re, umm… You’re so…”

My smile grows as she fumbles for her words. “I’m so what?”

Sighing, she looks at me, and with all seriousness, says, “Incredible. You’re incredible.”

“I would agree,” I tease, and her laughter eases something in my soul. The sound of it makes me feel like all is right in the world, or at least right with us. “Do you want to go anywhere? Grab some food since we didn’t finish eating?”

The shy look she gives me is so sweet it makes my teeth ache. “I think I’d like for us to go home, please. I’m not hungry anymore.”

Nodding, I wait for her to fasten her seatbelt. Once we hit the road, her words replay in my head. ‘I’d like for us to go home.’ Casting a quick glance in her direction, she seems comfortable just watching the scenery as we drive back to her place. I have to know, though.

“Uh, Happy?”

“Yeah?”

“So, when you said you’d like for us to go home… I’m going to go out on a limb here because I know you haven’t dated a ton. Are you cool with me coming up with you? Because I’d really like to.”

I want to laugh at how awkward I sound, but Addie told me I needed to be clear with her. Letting her know I want to spend more time with her shouldn’t be something that’s embarrassing. Communication and all that. It’s what they say is key to a good relationship. I can do that.

She bites her lip and smiles at me. “I would really like that… and maybe try out another thing.”

My smile grows as I step on the gas a little harder, eager to get her home. “Maybe a few things, happy girl.” My cock swells, forcing me to shift in my seat.

I’d say he’s onboard.

Chapter 16

Like a Virgin

Haddie

Holy fuck. We’re gonna do some ‘things’.

I throw up a quick thank you to my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, that I decided to do an extra shave around the lady bits earlier today. Wincing to myself, I think up another prayer asking for forgiveness that there may be some premeditated premarital sex tonight.

I don’t want to jump the gun and assume that this is going to happen, but Beau’s freaking speeding. The faster he drives on the highway, the faster my heart races, matching the thrumming of his car engine. We make it to my place in short order, and Beau doesn’t waste any time shutting off the car so he can meet me as I get out as well.

“Give me your keys,” he says, holding out his hand.

Well, alrighty then, I guess we aren’t going to pregame this thing.

I know I should feel nervous, which maybe I do a tiny bit, but I’m not scared. It all just seems right, like this is how it’s supposed to happen. This is our next step, and it makes the whirlwind that is Beau real. Placing my keys in his hand, he grabs mine and tugs me along behind him at a clipped pace. We pass one of my neighbors as they exit my building and I barely have time to wave hello as he ignores them and keeps walking, focused on getting to our destination.

“Beau?” I ask, huffing out a breath.

He pulls up short, then looks down at me, giving me his full attention.

I can’t control the chuckle that escapes. He actually seems impatient and like I’ve inconvenienced him. “We don’t have to run. I’m pretty much a sure thing… just saying.”

Dropping his head, his shoulders shake with silent laughter. “Sorry, happy girl. I just felt this need to get you home so I can have you all to myself behind closed doors.” Stepping closer to me, he tilts my chin up and holds it while he smiles sweetly at me. “This is all on your terms, whatever we do or don’t do. Okay?”

Nodding, I push up on my toes to lay a soft kiss on his lips. “Thank you, but just so you know, I’m good with all the things.”

He kisses me fast and hard with a low groan, then releases me to spin around and continue tugging me to my apartment.

Before I can process what’s happening, I’m standing in front of him inside my dark apartment.

Okay, now I’m a little scared. And by a little scared, I mean a lot scared.

A tremble rolls through my body and I try to cover it up by shifting awkwardly on my feet as I consider all the things that could go wrong. What if it hurts? What if I’m terrible in bed? Oh my God, what if he can’t get it up because when he sees me naked, he doesn’t find me attractive or thinks I’m funny looking?

Beau moves closer and lifts his hands to frame my face. Taking a deep breath, he leans down and presses his forehead to mine, closing his eyes. “Happy, I can see every single thought that’s going through that beautiful head of yours.” Then, he whispers, “Don’t be afraid. I’ll be so good to you.”

When I swallow back my nerves, I bring my shaky hands to hold him the same way he’s holding me. “Sorry, I just had a moment. I trust you.”

He blows out a relieved breath, then lets me go. I assume he’s going to pull back. Instead, he squats down a bit quickly to lift me up and asks with a head nod toward my room, “That way?”

“Uhh… yes. That is definitely the way to my bedroom.”

Beau flashes his teeth in a wide grin, then carries me until we’re next to my bed. Another bout of fear races through me when he sets me on my feet, but this time I’m able to remind myself that it’s not Beau I’m afraid of. I’ve written countless sex scenes, but it’s all information gleaned from other smutty books I’ve read over the years. How it’s actually going to feel? That’s the scary part to me. The unknown.

Touching his shirt and pressing against his chest, I can feel his heart beating almost as quickly as mine. Knowing that he’s just as nervous as I am calms me down. It’s like we’re in this together. A silly thought because, of course we’re in this together, but it’s like we’re on the same page on a different level. This feels like… more, and I think he feels the same.

Beau lifts his hand and places it over where mine is resting on his chest and covers it, pressing my palm more firmly against him. I take a deep breath, steadying myself as I wait for the next part. We could be tearing our clothes off and attacking each other, but I need him to take the lead here. My false confidence can only get me so far in life, but at this moment, I’m lost and relying on him to show me how to do this.

After a light squeeze to my hand, he lets me go to reach above his head and tug his shirt off. Good God, I really do have Thor standing in my bedroom. My eyes roam over his shoulders and pecs, taking in the lines of cut muscles. At first glance, it looks smooth, but up close, I can see the light smattering of hair that leads down to a thin line running down his stomach. Dropping my eyes, I follow the path to where it disappears behind his pants. My eyes widen when I notice the large bulge at the front. My God. I’m really going to do this.

Chuckling softly, he steps forward, pressing his body against mine. There’s no forgetting what I just saw when I can feel it pressing against my lower stomach now. I lean my forehead against his chest, my nose pressed against his skin to breathe him in. He smells like cedar and man with a hint of whatever cologne he uses. So, so good.

Beau wraps his arms around me and balls the fabric of the dress I chose to wear today in his fist at my lower back. He pulls at it and when I feel cool air at the back of my thighs; I realize he’s inching it upwards. Tilting my head back, I raise my arms so he can continue tugging until my face is briefly covered as he removes my dress. My clothes join his shirt on the floor next to us while we both stay locked on one another’s eyes.

I shiver when his gaze eventually drops. He leans back to look at my bra and panty clad body, taking in every inch of my skin the way I did him. Goosebumps erupt over my skin when he runs his fingertips across my chest, fingers walking along the swell of my breasts. I drop my chin to watch and smile when I notice he’s following the path of my freckles dotting my skin.

“I like that your freckles made it here too. Your body…” He blows out a gust of air, and rumbles out, “You’re stunning, Haddie.”

“Happy,” I whisper back, feeling a whole plethora of emotions, one of them being relief that he likes what he sees.

Groaning, he quickly strips his pants off and steps out of them as he walks me back until we tumble onto my bed. A small squeak escapes me when we land. Blushing furiously at the ridiculous sound I made, I cover my mouth with both of my hands to ensure that doesn’t happen again.

Beau wastes no time pulling them away, then presses my hands to the side of my head so he can look down at me. His eyes roam over my face before falling to my lips where they stay as he repeats, “Happy.”

“Captain.”

It’s all I can think to say with the way he’s looking at me and the feel of his weight covering me. I know when I’ve read other books, some have mentioned what it feels like, but I’ve never had the experience to truly understand what it’s actually like. How it makes me feel coveted and secure, completely safe. I would have compared it to a hug before, but it’s so much more than that. We’re cocooned in this little bubble with his arms braced around me, shielding me from the real world.

“You’re wandering away from me again,” he teases, dipping down to brush his lips over my brows. He moves his mouth lower to kiss my eyelids when I close them.

I press my lips together to fight off my smile. “To be fair, this time my mind was wandering about you.”

“What in particular were you thinking about?” This time, he’s more curious than teasing. I don’t think he’s fishing for compliments, but even if he were, I’d give them to him.

Grazing my fingers along his and threading them together, I share my thoughts. “I was just thinking about how no one tells you what this feels like, having someone’s weight against your body. It’s like everything disappears and I really like that I can only see you right now.”

He hums in thought. “It’s like nothing else, that’s for sure.” Beau’s fingers tighten against mine and a serious look comes over his face. “I’m going to start kissing you now, so–”

“Condoms!” I blurt out before I even register the thoughts of using protection entering my brain. “That’s something we should discuss, right?”

“Fuck. Right. We should probably talk about that.” He squeezes his eyes shut for a moment and shifts like he’s going to move away from me, but I stop him.

“Don’t move. I like our bubble.”

His eyes soften and he settles back down and lifts a hand to brush a lock of hair from my face. “I normally use protection and haven’t been intimate since my last physical. Are you on any kind of birth control?”

My cheeks heat, which is silly because these are things we should talk about. Adulting is serious business. “Yeah, I have been for a while.”

The smirk that lifts the corner of his mouth is sexy as hell, but I’m not sure what I said has him smiling. “Well then, happy girl. What would you prefer to do? I’ve got one in my wallet that I can grab.”

Chewing on my lip, I debate internally as quick as possible. Everyone always says it’s important to always protect yourself, but I also really want to know exactly what this is going to feel like. The whole experience and all that. Plus, I have no doubt that he’s being truthful with me.

“Is it bad that I’d rather not use one?”

His hand slipping behind my back to unclasp my bra is all the answer I need. Dipping his head down, he brushes his lips across mine, slightly sore from how hard I was chewing on it. Then he slants his mouth and draws me into nothingness where the only thing I can think about is how he tastes and the feel of his tongue.

The moment he frees my hands to stroke my skin, mine are reaching, desperate to touch any part of him I can. His skin is soft, but firm under my fingers tips as I explore the ridges of his muscles, bunching together at every spot I touch. He feels like strength.

I’m completely lost to him and the feel of our bodies as they slide together, trying to get closer and meld into one. Every path his hands take, tingles follow until my whole body is singing with nerves firing. It’s like every part of my body is connected, all paths leading directly between my legs. I can’t stop myself from shifting against his cock that’s pressed firmly against me.

We’re both breathing heavily until I feel his hand slip to the band of my underwear resting low below my stomach. I freeze, my eyes widening slightly, knowing this is the moment where things really change between us. He searches my eyes for a sign that he can go further. Shifting my hips up, I give him silent permission. His gaze stays locked on mine as he dips his fingers under the fabric. I cry out softly against his mouth when he just barely grazes my clit, already drenched with my arousal.

Hunger flashes through his eyes as he watches me while he does it again, and again, each time pressing more firmly and dipping lower toward my opening. My hands are resting low on his hips, and I dig my nails in when, on his next pass, he slides a finger inside me. The feeling is indescribable, like all the goosebumps and shivers and tingles shoot to the spot right inside of me where he’s settled.

“Nooo,” falls from my lips as his finger slides out slowly. I’m panicked that he’s pulling away from me. It’s short-lived when he pushes it back in, quicker than before.

Running his lips over the edge of my jaw, he reassures me. “I’ve got you, Happy.”

My hands slide everywhere on his body, not sure where I need to hold on to him as he nips and sucks across the sensitive skin of my neck and collarbone. His fingers don’t slow down, driving into me, pulling more wetness by the second. This time, when his lips find mine again, there’s a new urgent need as our tongues battle and bodies grind against each other.

I’m not sure when I decide, but I grab the boxers he’s still wearing and try to shove them down his hips. Growling in frustration when I realize my arms are too short, he laughs and drags his finger from my body slowly as he backs away from me.

Tilting his head toward my own sparse clothing I’m still wearing, he orders, “Take them off,” as he quickly removes his own.

There’s no embarrassment on my part as I quickly toss my bra hanging from my arms off the bed and wiggle out of my panties. I’m sure it’s not graceful, but I can’t think hard enough to make it provocative. I’m also certain that Beau doesn’t care either.

Both of us now fully divested of our clothes, there’s no hesitation as we reach for each other and find the intensity hasn’t fizzled out. Now that my breasts are bare, his tongue immediately runs down the center of my chest as he works his way over to my peaked nipples. Sucking the first one into his mouth, he presses his cock against my pussy again and begins a slow thrust between my soaked lips. His tongue flicks against the sensitive tip, desire rising higher with each pass.

My fingers thread into his hair and hold him to my chest as he moves his mouth to my other nipple, giving it the same treatment as the first. I can barely focus on how good it feels when all I can think about is the head of his cock and shaft sliding back and forth over my clit. Bolts of pleasure make me shudder with every pass. I’m sure the sounds escaping my lips are growing louder as he continues to move against me, his hands stroking over my sides.

His movements speed up until his tip nestles against my opening and when he tilts his hips to move again, this time it slides a fraction inside of me. Beau’s tongue pauses, his warm breath fanning over the wetness he’s left behind.

I crack my eyes open, only to find him already looking at me. Laying a sweet kiss to my nipple, he lifts his body up to rest his chest against mine without pulling his hips back from where he’s resting just inside of me. Holding his weight up on his elbows, he uses both hands to cup my face to run his thumbs softly against my cheeks.

“I’m going to do it quick to get the painful part over with. Do you trust me?” His eyes don’t move away from mine when I give him a small nod of permission.

Kissing me slowly for a moment, he watches my face as he pushes his way into me. Concern wrinkles his brow when I wince at the pinch of pain as he breaks through my virginity. Beau pauses when I clench my muscles, afraid of him moving both deeper and pulling out. I need him to stay right where he is because fuck, that hurts more than I thought it would.

Dropping kisses all over my face, he continues stroking his thumbs, every now and then reaching up to wipe away a tear that frees itself from my eyes.

“S-sorry. I’m okay. It just hurt a little more than I thought it would.” My words come out raspy and slightly wobbly.

His smile makes me feel better about my reaction. “Don’t apologize. I’m sorry I hurt you. We’re not in any hurry, so we’ll take as long as you need, alright?”

“Alright,” I whisper. My eyes close when he lays his lips on mine, his kiss gentle and sweet. Our lips continue to move against each other as I get used to having him inside of me.

“How are you feeling?” he asks after a few minutes. I do a mental check and smile when I find that the stinging pain is mainly gone. It’s more of a dull throbbing ache, but I suspect that’s probably not going away tonight.

“Good, I think.” I don’t know why it’s this moment when I feel shyness overtake me for the first time. I think it’s when I feel his cock twitching inside of me that really brings what we’re doing to the forefront of my brain. My God, that’s a really weird feeling. My mouth runs before I can stop it. “It’s kind of a weird thing if you think about it. I can actually feel you inside of me. Like, I can feel your heartbeat pulsing down there and–”

His lips cut me off, and I kiss him hard in thanks. Beau pulls out of me slightly, and I hold on to him tighter when I feel his hips roll to press forward, sliding inside of me deeper than he had stopped before.

“Oh, holy fuck,” I mumble against his lips. I love the feel of his smile as he continues to distract me with his tongue.

He starts off slow, giving me the chance to get used to all the new touches and sensations. With each thrust forward, my fingers and toes begin to tingle more and more. I’m practically going numb from the overabundance of pleasure racing through my body. I feel like my body is out of my control, just along for this ride that Beau is taking me on. What I don’t expect is the powerful surge of emotions that slam into me when Beau begins to kiss me more passionately.

His groan of pleasure and trembling hands that dig into my skin as he holds me closer to him has a new wave a tears building in my eyes.

“I know,” he whispers into my mouth, then drives his tongue inside more deeply, absorbing the sob that escapes from my throat.

We move together, exchanging equal breaths and touches until I feel my nipples tighten harder and a flutter of an orgasm settling low in my belly.

“Beau, I’m…” I trail off when I feel him nod, then reach between where our bodies are pressed together to slide his fingers roughly against my clit. The double sensation of his movements fucking into me added to his fingers stroking me sends me racing faster to an explosion.

“I can feel it. Are you going to come for me, happy girl?” His voice is choppy, like he’s fighting to hold himself back until I find my own release.

His words do something to my soul. All I can do is tear my mouth away from his and scream out as one of the most powerful orgasms I’ve ever experienced crashes into my body. I can’t see anything as the room spins in time with my muscles convulsing around him. Beau slams into me with rapid thrusts, fighting against the tightness of my body engulfing him, and gritting his teeth.

“Christ, Haddie. You feel so fucking good. I don’t think I can hold back any longer.” He sounds like he’s actually sorry for what he’s putting my body through.

All I can manage is to wrap my arms around his neck and pull him on top of me. “Please, don’t hold back,” I beg him.

Burying his face in my neck, he grips my shoulders and thrusts into me harder than he was before, until he freezes. Biting into my skin, he moans just as I feel his cock expanding and pulsing inside of me, pumping out his release and emptying himself.

I’m surprised that I was able to feel as much as I did, and I never thought that it would be as intimate as it was with every pulse. Our bodies are damp with sweat as we both gasp for air, his face still resting in the crook of my neck. I lift my shaking hands to stroke the back of his head, holding him against me as we both continue to shiver in the aftermath.

After I’m able to get my mind working again, my first thought to say out loud is, “So, I’m definitely down with all the things.”

His shoulders begin to shake before I hear him laughing into my skin. Squeezing me tighter before letting go, he lifts his body from mine and looks down at me.

“You’re something else, you know that, happy girl?”

Chapter 17

Eyes on Me

Beau

Due to the rain this morning, we had practice in the afternoon. Unfortunately, this means that I need to cancel the library meeting with Haddie and the guys. I’m disappointed that I haven’t had the chance to see her again since spending the night this past weekend.

The whole night took me by complete surprise in the best of ways. I never would have thought I’d have spent as much time laughing and smiling with her during and in between intimate moments.

I wasn’t prepared for the number of emotions that gripped my chest when she gave herself to me the first time. Her tears from the pain physically hurt my heart, and I wanted to berate myself for being the cause. Then, her cries when it began to feel good eased my conscience and gave me an extra drive to make it even more fantastic for her. When she teared up at the end because she was so overwhelmed, I felt like a God.

She’s more than I expected and even more than I could have ever hoped for. I’m not embarrassed to admit that I’m falling hard and fucking fast for her.

I direct my defensive line to start running for their warmup and pull out my phone to check to see if she’s responded to my earlier text yet. I need to get my head out of the clouds and focus on my job. That goes out the window when I see a new text. Blowing out air in relief, I read her response.

Me: Hey Happy. We’re going to have to cancel this afternoon’s tutoring session because of the weather this morning. The other coaches and I decided to push practice to the afternoon. I’m really sorry for the late notice.

Happy: Well shoot… I mean, I totally get it, but I’m bummed. Now I’m going to have to find someone else to bother today. ;-)

Grinning, I shoot a quick response, hoping she’ll consider my offer.

Me: Since you no longer have plans, you’re more than welcome to come over to practice. I’d love to show you what I do.

Happy: Alright Cap. Although, I feel like you’ve already showed me what you can do, amiright? Hehehe

Happy: It won’t cause any problems if I come sit and watch you?

Me: None at all. Just come down on the field and find me when you get here. I’ll show you where you should sit. Bring an umbrella just in case it rains again.

Me: And I haven’t shown you everything I can do yet, so buckle up, sweetheart.

Happy: Oooh, color me intrigued! I’m going to bring my laptop and maybe work on some writing in between all the man ogling I’m about to do. See you in a bit!

I spend the next thirty minutes focused on running drills and preventing myself from searching the entrances to the field for a gorgeous, slightly adorably awkward redhead.

Around the fifth time I look, I grin when I see her standing off to the side, leaning against a wall. Her eyes widen with shock as I hear my guys slamming into the dummies behind me, grunting out with the effort and strength it takes to push them across the grass.

Making my way over to her, I chuckle because she hasn’t looked away from the team. Leaning over, I press a kiss to her cheek then laugh when she jolts at the contact, having been completely focused. “You made it,” I say, guiding her closer with my hand on her lower back.

“You know, up close, they’re a whole lot scarier than when you see them the size of ants on a TV.” She points at them, then looks up at me, completely serious. “They’re like freaking giants riding trains as they slam into a mountain. Doesn’t that hurt them? Because I swear, if one of them hit me like that, I think I’d probably die.”

Moving to stand behind her, I point out the different players and why they’re doing what they’re doing. “Their bodies are built to sustain, give, and receive hits like that. We also have extensive concussion testing throughout the season to ensure they’re healthy. It’s why I work them the way I do. Outside of practicing plays, I keep them in shape by having them run as well as do weight training.”

The more I explain between bouts of redirecting the guys through each set of drills, the more Haddie becomes fascinated. Her questions are intuitive and it’s clear that she finds the concepts easy to understand and gets the reasoning behind why I do what I do.

I can see my guys looking over at us from time to time, curious about the woman standing with me, except for the four she’s been tutoring. Yelling out to the guys, I tell them to take a ten-minute break to get water and stretch out any sore muscles.

Taking a deep breath, I study her face and ask, “So, what do you think so far?”

She looks around the field at the guys sitting down and taking their much-needed break and holds her hand out to indicate all of them.

“I never would have thought this was as involved as this. It’s incredibly impressive, Captain.” She turns her eyes up to me now, and I can see how honest she’s being. “I’m in awe. You’re doing an incredible job with them. It’s amazing to see how much they respect you.”

Her words soothe something inside of me, like I should be proud of everything I’ve accomplished until this point in my life. It’s easy to let the doubts eat away at your confidence when you haven’t received any reassurance for a long time. I know she doesn’t fully understand what it takes to coach a team at this level, but she believes everything she’s saying. It makes me believe in myself just a bit more.

Cupping her face, I start to dip my head to give her a quick kiss, but I jerk my head up when I hear, “Beau? What’s going on here?”

Looking over Haddie’s shoulder, I see my father walking toward me. He frowns as he glances at her standing next to me, then over to where my team is taking their break.

Straightening my shoulders, I notice confusion cross Haddie’s face, then she closes down as I take a step back from her. Fuck. This isn’t how I wanted them to meet, and I haven’t fully explained to her the tumultuous relationship I have with my father.

“Dad. What are you doing here?” I bite out, probably harsher than he’s used to hearing from me. He’s stopped by before, but it’s been a while since the last time, so him showing up out of the blue is completely unexpected and really poor timing.

His eyes narrow on me as he comes to a stop a few feet away from us. “I was in the area and wanted to come down and see how the boys were doing.” Studying Haddie, he asks me instead of her, “Who’s this?”

As much as I love the quirkiness she normally has, I feel guilty when I silently pray that she doesn’t say anything that’ll piss off my father. It’s obvious that she’s unsure of the sudden turn of mood and raised tension in the air, so I reach down to grab her hand and tug her closer for an introduction.

“Dad, this is Haddie Byer, the woman I told you about the other week who’s been working with some of my players that struggled in school last semester. She’s one of the librarians here at school,” I share, knowing he won’t give a shit what her job is.

“I’m actually the Assistant Dean of Libraries,” she mutters, and I look at her, surprised. That means she’s second in line to being the Dean of Libraries. At her age, it’s a huge accomplishment.

My mouth drops open. “Are you serious? You never told me that. Christ, that makes me feel even worse with the way I spoke to you that first day I ran into you there.”

My confession seems to make her uncomfortable as she looks between me and my father. “It’s umm, it’s alright. It’s nice to meet you, Mr. Hudson,” she says, reaching out a hand to him.

The asshole that is my father completely ignores her and waits silently with me staring at him, until I say, “Please don’t be rude to her.”

Clearing his throat, he finally reaches out slowly, where she’s still awkwardly holding her hand out to him. Grasping it, he gives her a quick shake and says, “It’s nice to meet you, Miss Byer. So, tell me, what brings a librarian to football practice in the middle of a work week?”

I fucking hate that my happy girl is quiet again. She’s clearly unsure how to act around him and is picking up on the fact that he’s not thrilled she’s here. I invited her to come, so I refuse to let him intimidate her into leaving.

“Dad,” I snap at him, drawing his critical gaze away from her. “Haddie and I have recently started dating. I’m pretty sure you already know this since I’ve already filled mom in. I asked her to come by so I can share this part of my life with her.”

Snorting, he looks back at my team where most are watching us, probably thinking there’s about to be some drama. “Not sure what you’re showing her, since they’re all just sitting on their asses. You need to focus on your job instead of standing around flirting with a pretty girl. No offense to you,” he says, nodding toward her.

“Oh, you think I’m pretty? Beau said something just like that when we first met,” she says, then slaps a hand over her mouth and looks up at me, embarrassed. Dragging her hand down her mouth, she whispers, “Sorry,” to me and I just shake my head at her, indicating not to worry about it.

Glaring at my father, I step partially in front of Haddie. “Not that I need to give you an explanation, but they just went on break. If you don’t need anything, I’ll see you next time I come over for dinner.”

He hesitates before nodding once. “Maybe you should bring your girlfriend to dinner instead of your job next time. Your mother, I’m sure, would love to meet her.”

I grit my teeth at his underhanded insult, wanting to follow and tear into him for not only making Haddie feel like she’s a hindrance. But I’m also fighting the need to hold my tongue, hoping that at some point, he’ll fucking respect me.

Shoving the whistle into my mouth, I spin around and get the team’s attention. Once they’re on the move and diving into the next round of drills I had scheduled for today, Haddie gets my attention.

She bumps into me with her shoulder and gives me a playful smile. “Hey Chris, what do you call a dad who falls through the ice?”

The corner of my mouth wavers, wanting to smile at her attempt to cheer up my noticeably sour mood. I have no desire for her to think I want her to leave. So, I lift my shoulder in a shrug and play along. “I dunno, Happy, what do you call him?”

She curls her lips between her teeth as she fights her grin, then loses the battle. “A pop-sicle.”

It’s tough to laugh because he really did upset me, but Christ, she’s adorable. Smiling appreciatively at her, I sling my arm over her shoulder and tug her into my side, then press a kiss to the top of her head.

“Thanks, happy girl,” I say softly, grinning a little bigger when she nods her head in understanding. A random thought pops into my head while we’re watching the guys rotate through their lineups. “Hey, how’s Marcus doing? Were you able to figure out whatever his mom was upset about?”

She frowns at my question, chewing on her lip before answering. “I spoke to him on Sunday. He was supposed to come over, but ended up canceling at the last minute. His mom had been trying to get a hold of him for two days and he wasn’t answering the phone. Marcus said he was busy with work and got in a little extra sleep.”

I watch her face and can tell something is bothering her. “What’s your concern?”

Sighing, she tilts her face up to me. “I’m not sure. He seems off. Lately, he’s been dipping out on our plans and he hasn’t let me go over to his place in quite a while.”

“How long has been since you’ve been over there?” The two of them seem extremely close, so keeping her away seems like an out of character thing to me as well.

“It’s probably been a couple of months now that I think about it. He’s coming over later tonight, though. We’re going to have an Office marathon while I work on edits for my next submission.”

“Is this going to be the one I get to read?” I ask, teasing her in an attempt to draw her away from worrying over her friend.

Giggling, she pretends like she’s considering it. “Maaaybe. How do you feel about vegetables and fruits getting it on in a refrigerator?”

I blink slowly at her, trying to decipher if she’s being serious or not. The twinkle in her eyes tells me she’s being one hundred percent serious. “Explain.”

Bouncing on her toes, she clasps her hands in front of her chest. “Okay, so it’s called Crisp This, and it’s about a torrid love affair between Mr. Cucumber and Ms. Raspberry. They live in Crispland, which is run by the Mayor, Mr. Tomato–”

Interrupting her, I have to ask, “Why is a tomato the mayor? I don’t feel like a tomato is a very intimidating vegetable.”

“Ah-ha! That’s the thing! Is a tomato a vegetable? Or is it a fruit? It’s one of the rare types of produce that carries both fruit and vegetable qualities, so I thought he’d be perfect as the leader of everyone. See, the vegetables and fruits are segregated so that there’s no inter-produce matings. If a vegetable ran Crispland, then they would show favoritism to the other vegetables, and the same if the leader were a fruit.”

I’m trying to picture what she’s explaining, but I keep circling back to one question, which I’m almost embarrassed to ask. Scratching the side of my face in thought, I decide to just suck it up when she’s obviously very excited about sharing this with me.

“Okay, I have to ask. How the fuck does a cucumber fuck a raspberry?”

Her loud burst of laughter has my guys pausing and turning to watch us. Yelling at them, I call, “Get back to it!”

“Sorry,” Haddie says through her giggles, but I suspect she doesn’t really mean it.

Planting my hands on my hips, I narrow my eyes at her. “Seriously, answer my question. How is that even remotely possible?”

Winking at me, she shrugs. “You’ll just have to read it and find out. Maybe suspend your belief in reality before you start as well.”

My mind dances between running my drills and trying to figure out how the size difference would work after Haddie pats my shoulder, informing me she’s going to go sit in the bleachers and work on a bit of writing. I also realize that she’s completely drawn me out of my dark mood that my father dragged me into with his unplanned visit. My mom is going to love her.

Chapter 18

Fixer Upper

Haddie

“Marcus, you should have seen him out there. Cap was incredible,” I say, tossing him a bottle of water before sitting on the couch. “He did the whole walking around with his hands on his hips thing with a clipboard tucked under his arm.”

I’m so relieved that Marcus didn’t cancel on me tonight. Granted, he was late showing up, but I overlooked it when he got inside and immediately curled up with an oversized crocheted blanket he brought along.

He lets out a soft chuckle as he opens up his drink and takes a sip. “I’m not sure walking around with a clipboard is what makes a coach great.”

I huff in indignation, ready to defend Beau until my dying breath. “He has a whistle!”

Now the ass is laughing outright, then chokes it back and nods solemnly. “You’re right, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize he was at whistling status. But honestly, I think it’s really badass that you got to experience that with him.”

Sighing, I lean back and stare up at the ceiling. “It was really neat. But truly Marcus, the way he encourages them is so wonderful. He’s definitely strict and pushes them pretty hard. But when someone is struggling, he takes the time to explain what he needs and alters the suggestions to work within their personal strengths. It goes beyond just understanding the rules of the game. I imagine he must be incredibly intuitive and quick thinking to page through all of his knowledge.”

Poking my thigh with his toe, he smiles at me. “I’m really happy for you, Harry.”

Blushing, I twist the bottom of my shirt as his words lift me up. “Thanks,” I whisper. “I’m really happy for me, too.”

“Have you heard from your dad yet?” Marcus asks after we’re quiet for a moment.

I deflate at his question. “No. I think he’s really pissed at me this time. I did get one of those passive aggressive text messages from Deborah, though.”

Marcus’s eyebrow rises slightly, and he holds out his hand. “Gimme. I want to read it.”

With a quiet laugh, I unlock my phone and hand it over. “It’s extra special this time,” I warn.

“Oooooh, filled with gaslighting and everything?”

“You know it,” I tease with a wink.

I have the entire thing memorized and I recite it to myself as I watch Marcus scan his eyes back and forth across my screen.

De-BOR-ah: Harriet, I think we need to talk about what happened Saturday night. Things got out of hand, and I think all of us could have handled it better. The way you and your friend left without saying goodbye deeply hurt your father. Had we known WHO was coming to dinner, I don’t believe the evening would have gone the way it did. You should also know that Amber is crushed that you’ve essentially blocked her from an opportunity to get to know him better, considering she’s the reason the two of you even met. All I’m saying is, things could have gone better. I’m asking you to reach out to your father, apologize to him, talk things through, and maybe have that boy reach out as well, considering he was a guest in our home. Your father isn’t going to be around forever, so you should make the effort to fix the relationship. He’s done so much for you. I love you.

I can tell what parts Marcus is reading by the ever-changing expression on his face. He reads it once through then scrolls back to the beginning to read again. Taking this quiet moment while he’s absorbed in everything Deborah, I study him. I haven’t brought up the call I received from his mom over the weekend yet, but I plan to. Worry for my podmate has been circulating low in my gut ever since Mrs. O’Brien and I hung up the phone.

There’s something off with my best friend. He’s always been on the thinner side, long-limbed without having overly large muscles. Giggling to myself, I love the fact that he despises the gym just as much as I do. But it seems like he’s lost some weight he didn’t have to lose. His cheekbones are sharper, and his face is beginning to look a little gaunt. Almost like his aging process has been sped up by a decade.

Thinking back over the past few years, I consider that maybe I’m just looking for signs of something wrong, or something that’s not there, but I don’t think so. There are darkened circles under his eyes which coincide with his sharing that he hasn’t been sleeping well, and he’s borderline lethargic. No, there’s definitely something going on and I’m going to push him tonight to tell me.

Without looking up at me, Marcus mutters, “Spit it out, Harry. Your brain is working way too loudly right now, and you’re shaking the couch with your fidgeting.” He’s always been able to read me so well, and I snicker at the way he’s beaten me to the punch.

Opening my mouth to ask my questions, I stop when he hands my phone back to me and lays his head back on the couch. “Your dad married a bitch. I know I’ve said it before, but it deserves repeating. Now you may say what you’re itching to say.”

Chewing on my lip for just a second, I stare at him and pray that he takes this as seriously as I am. Then, I just suck it up and ask.

“There’s something wrong, but I don’t know what it is. I need you to tell me so I can help you fix it.”

Without lifting his head, he cracks an eye open to peek at me, giving me a lazy smile. “Harry, there’s nothing wrong.” He reaches out an arm and pats the top of my foot. “Nothing to fix, I promise.”

There. There it is again. I know for a fact that he just lied to me again. This is twice in a month after never happening for years.

“I don’t believe you. Are you overworked or something? Do you have a secret lover that you’re afraid to tell me about? Oh! Have you started a new career as a man-of-the-night and all of your clients are keeping you awake into the wee hours of the morning? Are you sick? Are you mad at me?”

My last question comes out panicked because even though my questions were ridiculous, I’m realizing that all of them aren’t what’s going on. What if the reason he’s been distant is that I’ve done something wrong?

He pulls himself up from where he’s lying back to give me his full attention. “Of course I’m not mad at you, crazy pants. Seriously, there’s nothing major going on. I’ve been a bit run down lately, so I probably just picked up the flu or a bug at some point.”

My eyes begin to water in frustration, and I shake my head violently at him. “No, it’s something more than that. You’ve been canceling plans a lot lately, and you won’t let me come over to your apartment anymore.”

This time, he looks away from me. Okay, I’m getting somewhere now.

Rubbing the back of his head, he flicks his eyes over to me and mumbles, “It’s really messy.”

“You haven’t let me come over because it’s messy? I don’t care if your stuff is on the floor. Have you seen my place? You’ve literally had to help me wash dishes that sat too long in my sink because I couldn’t handle the bacterial universe that grew an entirely new species!”

Groaning, he lays back again and closes his eyes. This time, I suspect it’s to hide from me. “It’s not just messy, Harry. It’s seriously awful. I really think I was sick for a bit and things started piling up. Before I realized it, it got out of control. I kept telling myself that I’d get to it tomorrow, but then tomorrow came and it was too daunting. So, I waited for the next tomorrow, and the next, and then the next.”

When I notice that I’ve been slowly nodding my head up and down as he was speaking, I immediately stop and shift my body over to him, leaning in for a hug.

“Look,” I whisper against his shoulder. “So, it’s bad. So what? Let’s fix it together. I’ll take a day off and come over bright and early in the morning and we’ll just tackle it room by room until it’s manageable.”

Denial immediately flies to his lips. “No, I don’t want you to see it.”

Swallowing back the clogging heaviness in my throat, that worry in my stomach expands so much that I feel slightly nauseous. He’s really worried about this.

“Please,” I choke out. “Please let me help you.”

He remains silent for a couple of minutes, and I leave him to decide while I enjoy snuggling into him. I hate that he’s this ashamed of his place, but he must know I’d never judge him for it. Never.

Finally, in a small voice that I fucking hate hearing, he asks, “You swear you won’t be mad at me for it? It’s…” he pauses to swallow loudly. “I need you to expect the worst. Please. I’m really fucking embarrassed.”

There’s a wobble to his voice and I know he’s on the verge of tears himself. Normally, I’d scold him for even questioning me, but this isn’t my Marcus right now. This is bigger than I think I had expected when I first brought this up tonight.

“I swear it, my friend.”

He doesn’t answer, but he nods once and relaxes against me in relief. I decide that he’s had enough of my prodding for one night. I pick up the remote and turn on the TV so we can pretend that neither of us feels a heavy weight over what we’re going to do soon.

Our forced laughter at the characters’ antics in the show eventually turns genuine over the course of the next two hours. I order in pizza for us so we don’t have to worry about cooking or cleaning up tonight. Eventually, it grows late, and I know he’s going to head home soon. Neither of us moves away from our snuggle positions until I hear him whisper, “I love you more than serial killers love conversion vans.”

Pure, undiluted laughter explodes from me, and I dissolve into a fit of giggles. “Goddamnit, Marcus! That may be one of my favorites to date!”

His easy rolling laugh reassures my heart that he’s going to be alright. The problems at his apartment are something the two of us can most definitely fix. I’m so fucking relieved that now I know what he’s been keeping secret from me, finally.

“I thought of it the other day and have been waiting until the perfect time to use it,” he shares, wiping away the tears and breathing heavily through his laughter. “I need to get going, though. Early morning and all that.”

Disappointed that we’re calling it a night, I don’t argue because I have to get up early too. “Boo. Text me when you get home, so I know you made it okay. I’ll look at my work schedule tomorrow and we’ll figure out a good time to attack your place.”

Groaning, this time without feelings of embarrassment over the mess, he agrees. “Fine. I’ll gift you with lots of bottles of tequila as a thank you.”

“I accept that. I love you more than Bamber loves spray tan.”

He pauses on his way to the door and turns to look at me. Then bends over, clutching his stomach as he loses it all over again. “Fucking brilliant. Later, skater.”

Waving, I tell him goodbye then lock the door behind him once he leaves. I open my computer and then a new document to list things I think we’ll need for a good, solid day of cleaning a very messy apartment.

Marcus’s reminder that I need to expect the worst has me increasing the number of trash bags I’ll buy. I even throw in a note to ask around to see if I can borrow a truck from one of our friends for the day.

I briefly consider calling Addie and asking if she’d be willing to take a day off to help but decide against it. Marcus was clearly ashamed, and I’d never want to expose him like that to anyone.

He and I can tackle this together. It’ll be great to get him all fixed up.

Chapter 19

She Didn’t Show

Beau

“Will you invite her over for dinner tomorrow night?” Mom asks me from where she’s sitting on the floor next to me. Although, I’m not sitting like her. I’m currently lying on my back with my head under her bathroom sink trying to tighten one of the connections to stop a leak.

My father tried, but with his back bothering him, he wasn’t able to get a good angle without wrenching his muscles further.

I consider mom’s request to bring Haddie home this soon into dating. It’s been over a week since the run in with my dad at the field and I’m not sure that he won’t continue to be an ass if I invite her here. An idea pops into my head that I think would make her feel more comfortable, though.

Shoving my body out of the cupboard, I sit up and peek at my mom. “Would you be okay if I invited Jensen and his girlfriend to dinner as well? It’s been a while since he’s been over and the woman he’s dating is actually one of Haddie’s best friends.”

Her lip quirks up because she knows exactly why I’m asking. “Are you trying to get her some extra protection against your dad’s misguided attitude toward her?”

“Hell yes I am. You’ll understand as you get to know her. When she’s nervous, she tends to ramble, and a lot of times, the things she says could be considered inappropriate. Dad isn’t going to love that, and I think she’s already scared of him.”

I’m still pissed at him for his snide remark as he left, and we got into it when I showed up today. He thinks it was ridiculous for me to drag ‘some woman’ to work; that it was disgustingly unprofessional. When he said she seemed ‘awfully flighty for a librarian’, I had to walk out of the room before I lost it.

I’ll never share his hurtful words with Haddie because I truly believe it would crush her. I suspect making a good impression on my parents is going to be incredibly important to her.

“If you think having Jensen and his girlfriend here would help her feel more comfortable meeting us, then by all means, please invite them.”

Getting up to pick up my rag and dad’s toolbox, she stands with me and takes the tools from my hand.

“Thanks for coming over to fix that for us, honey. Let me know once you speak with Haddie and Jensen, so I know how many to people to plan for.”

Leaning down, I kiss her cheek, then give her a smile. Mom really is a sweet woman. “Will do. Love you. I’ll be in touch.”

I stick my head into the living room to say goodbye to my father on my way to the front door and he grunts out something inaudible, throwing his hand up in a wave. I love the guy; I just wish he weren’t so judgmental and difficult to please. As I make my way back to my place, I give Jensen a call first. Haddie and I had already planned to see each other tomorrow, so I’m fairly certain that she’ll be okay with doing dinner at my parents’ house. Obviously, I’ll make sure before I make mom any promises, but I think she’ll be agreeable.

“Hey man, what’s up?” Jensen yells into the phone, and I quickly lower the volume on the speaker in my car.

“Good God, why are you screaming?” I ask him. It sounds like he’s in the middle of a crowded concert or something.

He huffs out a groan in annoyance. “Addie wanted to swing by the mall and this place is a damn madhouse. I’m waiting outside a store for her and there’s music blaring and people all around me. Seriously, we’ve been here an hour already, and I want to stab my eardrums.”

“Sounds like a fucking nightmare. Listen, what are you and Addie doing tomorrow night?” I ask him, already anxious to get off the phone. The background noise is giving me a headache.

“Umm, not sure. Why?”

“Mom wants me to bring Haddie over for dinner to do the whole meet the parents thing. Unfortunately, she’s already met dad, and it didn’t go that great. I was thinking if you came and brought Addie, she might feel more comfortable with people she knows in case dad acts like an ass.”

Barking out a laugh, Jensen tells me to hold on a second, then muffles the phone. He has me wait for a few minutes while, I assume, he runs into the store to find Addie and deliver my invitation. When the music gets significantly louder again, I know that he’s got an answer for me.

“So, Addie said she’s in, but she wanted me to warn you that if your dad’s a dick to, and I quote, ‘my bestest friend in the entire fucking world’, she’s going to light him on fire.” I laugh when it’s obvious Jensen is finding Addie’s threats adorable.

He can’t see me nodding my head, but I say, “Tell her she has both mine and my mom’s permission. I want to say I don’t expect him to be an ass, but he’s been extra pissy lately.”

“Yeah…” he trails off because he knows how my dad can be. If George Hudson doesn’t approve of your life choices, he’ll fucking let you know you’re screwing up in his eyes. Jensen clears his throat and lightens his tone. “We’ll be there. Just text me what time and if Momma Hudson wants us to bring anything for her.”

Thanking him, I hang up and make my way to Haddie’s apartment for a surprise visit. I haven’t showed up unannounced yet, and my excitement grows with every mile I cover with the drive there.

I swing through downtown and run into a flower shop just before they close to buy some flowers for her. The damn woman needs a vase in her cabinet because I have every intention of keeping it filled for her. I find a bouquet that has a rainbow colored vase included with it.

The older woman behind the counter gives me a wink and pats my shoulder once she hands me my receipt. “Beautiful choice for whom I assume is a beautiful girl.”

Flashing a grin at her, I confess, “She’s the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met. Thank you for these.”

Ten minutes later, I’m standing outside Haddie’s door knocking, energized to see her. My blood is thumping through my chest when I hear the lock disengage. Then catch my first glimpse of gorgeous green eyes and a freckled nose hidden under her glasses.

She’s confused for only a second before her entire face lights up with a radiant smile, and she throws her door open all the way. “Captain! What are you doing here? Oh shit,” she cries, then runs over to her phone. “Wait, it’s not Thursday. Did we have plans tonight? Because if we did, I’m grossly underdressed and haven’t even washed my hair!”

Kicking her door shut behind me, I set the flowers on her table and follow her. “Baby, relax. We didn’t have plans. I wanted to surprise you and talk to you about something.”

Her shoulders droop, relieved, but then tense up again. “Talk about something? Nothing bad, right?”

Pulling her phone from her hand and tossing it to the couch, I drag her into my arms to hold her. “Nah, nothing bad. How’s your day been? Sorry I couldn’t make it to your meeting with the guys.”

I feel her slender arms wrap around my waist as she sets her chin on my chest to gaze up at me. “Today has been good. Busy, but good. I’ve just been writing tonight, so I’m glad you came over because this story is giving me problems.”

“Problems, huh? Want to talk it out?” I ask after pressing my lips to hers. I plan on doing more of that in a few minutes, but right now I’m happy just to talk with her.

Snickering, she shakes her head. “Not yet. I’ll definitely come to you if I change my mind, though. That reminds me,” she says as she pulls away from me. I instantly want her back in my arms. “I just got my proofs in for Crisp This. I ordered an extra one so you can have the first peek at how a cucumber fucks a raspberry.”

Studying the cover, I laugh when I see that it’s simply an actual cucumber and raspberry on the cover. It has a white background, and ‘Crisp This’ written in bright yellow lettering. “Fancy,” I tease her, opening the book and flipping through the pages. It’s not very long, which was expected. Haddie told me they’re short stories. I just didn’t realize she also had them in physical copies as well. “I didn’t know you offered them in paperback,” I tell her.

“Oh, yeah, I do. They’re cheap because they’re so little. I try to offer them in box sets so people can order them all at once.” Taking my hand, she pulls me into the second bedroom of her apartment that I haven’t explored yet. The set up she’s got in here shocks me.

“Holy shit, you have a fucking library in here!”

Jabbing her elbow in my side, she grins, and then walks us over to one of the two walls that contain floor to ceiling built-in shelves. “I am a librarian. These are mine,” she says, point out a long line of white books set directly center on display. “Marcus and Addie helped me build all these shelves and mounted them on the walls. It took a few tries because the first couple of times, we may have over imbibed with the wine, and they came out crooked.”

She looks around the room with a look of pride written all over her face.

“This is really incredible, Happy. I love that you’ve found something you’re so passionate about.”

Blowing out a pleased breath, she says, “Like how you found coaching. I’m sure you loved playing, but I can tell that you’re passionate about the job you have with the team. Thank you for letting me be a part of that.”

Cupping her cheek, I turn her face so I can kiss her better this time. The moment grows heated pretty quickly. When I let out a groan as I pull away, she pouts in disappointment that I’ve ended this before we get any further.

“We’ll go back to that in a minute, but I want to ask you something.”

“Did you want to ask if I noticed the flowers you brought in here? Because I did and I really want to go smell them. I also noticed that you included a vase this time. I can take a hint,” she teases, then jumps up on her toes to wrap her arms around my neck, planting a fast kiss on my chin. “Thank you for them. They looked gorgeous.”

Chuckling, I kiss her back hard and fast. “You’re welcome, happy girl, but no, that’s not what I was talking about. So, you know how we were going to get together tomorrow night?”

“Yes… do you need to reschedule?” She asks this cautiously, but I can see her trying to hide her disappointment that I might be here to cancel on her.

“No, we’re definitely on for tomorrow. But would you be willing to change up the plans a little? My parents invited us over for dinner. Mom really wants to meet you, and I’d love for you to get to know her as well.”

Her face falls, and I know it’s because of that first meeting with my dad, so I’m quick to reassure her. “I know my dad was an ass, and I can’t promise he won’t be one tomorrow. But I did plan for reinforcements before I proposed the idea. Jensen and Addie already agreed to come along. I figured having an ally in your corner would make you more comfortable.”

I’m nervous as she worries her lip. Maybe I was wrong thinking that she’d be up for it, especially after our last family dinner went so terribly.

“I’d love to meet her. I’m really nervous though, because I’m positive your dad hates me.”

“My dad doesn’t hate anyone; I just don’t think he actually likes anyone either except for my mom.” It’s probably a terrible thing to say right now, but it’s the truth.

Haddie scowls at me. “That’s absurd. He likes you.”

Snorting, I shake my head. “I’m pretty sure he doesn’t, but I’m his only kid, so he tolerates me.”

“I don’t like that,” she says softly, frowning up at me.

Bending down so I’m eye level with her, I admit, “I don’t like the sad face you’ve got going on, so I’m going to fix it.”

Her eyes light up. “What are you going to do?”

Laughing, I bend even further to hike her over my shoulder and take us out of her personal library and toward her bedroom.

“I’m going to show you all the things I can do with my tongue.”

I grin from ear to ear when I hear her giggle ringing through her apartment as I hurry us through, aching to show her there are many, many things I can do with my tongue.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I’m fucking exhausted this evening.

I stayed late at Haddie’s last night. Once I made good on my promise to show her all of my tricks, we laid together while I shared the ins and outs of my relationship with my father.

It took some time to explain that my dad was a pro player years ago, and he’s been a hardass for as long as I could remember. I’ve never argued with him about my desire to follow in his shoes with the sport, but there was never room in his eyes for anything but being the best.

Any deviation from the plans he felt were the best laid ones, did nothing but piss him off. The moment I stopped playing and went to coaching instead, he became outraged. Not because he doesn’t think it’s a bad job, but because of his mentality that those who can’t do, coach. I could have continued a career playing, but I wouldn’t have been anything beyond mediocre at that level. I knew my limits, and I’ve always felt called to educate and guide athletes into going from good to great.

It was also difficult to admit that I get anxious around him and have a major insecurity over the fact that he is so disappointed in me. I told her it meant a lot to me that she was willing to set aside her nerves to be there for me.

Haddie soothed me with reassuring promises that she’d always be there for me anytime I needed. After exposing myself like that to her and sharing things that I’ve never admitted, even to my best friends, I ended up showing her how much I appreciated her for a second time. I didn’t make it home until after two in the morning.

What I hadn’t planned on was getting a frantic call from my mom hours before I was supposed to pick Haddie up tonight. She begged me to come over because the repair I did under the sink blew. She had my father turn off the water until I could run to the store to pick up piping to change it out completely.

Jensen assured me he and Addie would pick my happy girl up, who also swore it was completely fine that our plans changed slightly. She teased me, swearing she wouldn’t take tequila shots to suppress her nerves before showing up, which made me feel so much better about coming here to help my mom out.

Mom is busy in the kitchen, slamming pans around as she tries to make the perfect meal for Haddie. I grin when I hear the doorbell, knowing that she’s just as nervous about making a good impression for the girl I’ve fallen hard for as Haddie is. The smile I’m wearing as I open the door is the first one I’ve managed all day. I’ve been in a terrible mood from lack of sleep and dealing with my dad telling me I’m fixing the sink wrong.

The smile falls from my face when I only see Jensen and Addie standing on the other side, shifting awkwardly.

Lowering my voice, I glare at them and hiss, “Did you fucking forget her?”

Jensen puts his hands up in defense. “We did not forget her. I’ve been trying to text for the last hour, man. Haddie wasn’t home. We waited and tried calling her, but no answer.”

Slipping my phone out of my pocket, I check it and realize I’ve had it on silent ever since my meeting this morning. Fuck, maybe Haddie texted me? I’m frustrated to see there’s nothing from her, just three missed calls and a few texts from Jensen.

I hear mom ask from the kitchen, “Are they here? Is Haddie here?”

Ignoring her, I unlock my phone and try to call her, but it goes straight to voicemail. I leave a quick message, asking her to call me, then open our text thread and send her a message.

Me: Where are you? Did you forget about dinner tonight?

I wait for a few moments, but don’t see it swap over from delivered to read and scowl at my phone. Looking back up, I lock eyes with her friend. “Why wouldn’t she have been home?”

Anxiety over tonight has been eating away at me all day. I fight off the rising irritation that Haddie didn’t even bother to text that she needed to cancel tonight.

Addie looks uncomfortable and slightly worried. “Honestly, I have no idea. She didn’t reach out to me either. The only thing I can think of is that she got held up at work, or something? Maybe she lost track of time? Sometimes she loses track of time…” She trails off, giving me a sympathetic smile.

Jensen adds, “When I couldn’t get a hold of you to let you know we should cancel, we figured we should come so you all weren’t waiting.”

“What’s going on?” my mom asks, wiping her hands on a towel as she walks up behind me.

Looking back at her, I see my father standing in the entrance to the living room, watching and listening to what’s going on. To my mom, I say, “Haddie wasn’t home when they went to pick her up. We haven’t been able to get a hold of her.”

“Oh,” mom breathes out, clearly disappointed. “That’s a shame. I was really looking forward to tonight.”

My hackles rise when I hear my dad let out a loud snort. “I told you she seemed flighty, Rosemary.” With that, he turns around and walks back into the living room, most likely planting his ass back in his chair. Seconds later, I hear the television volume increase and know that I’m right.

“Well, that doesn’t mean we can’t all have a lovely dinner tonight,” mom says, trying to make the situation better with her never-ending happy attitude. “Jensen, honey, I’m so glad you came over. Introduce me to this lovely woman you’ve got next to you.”

“I’ll be right back,” I tell them, letting Jensen take over introductions, and step around my friend to go outside for a minute to cool off.

Gripping my phone tightly, I walk out into the yard and take a few grounding deep breaths before I try calling her again.

Again, it goes straight to voicemail. Again, I text her.

Me: Whatever is going on, I hope it was important enough for you to not show up tonight. I’m trying not to be angry that you didn’t take a minute to let me know you weren’t coming. I’ll talk to you tomorrow. We’re about to eat dinner.

Chapter 20

I Don’t Understand

Haddie

~ A few hours earlier ~

After Beau called to tell me he wouldn’t be able to pick me up for tonight’s dinner, I did everything in my power to hide in my voice that I was upset. Not upset with him, because I understand it was an emergency, but I was already riddled with anxiety over seeing his father again. I’m also desperate to make a good impression on his mom. How is it fair that I have to go to my first meet and greet of the ‘rents only weeks after beginning a relationship with my very first, honest to God, real boyfriend?

One that I have SEX with and everything!

Rolling my eyes at myself over how childish my brain acts, I study the three outfits laid across my bed. The internal debate over which one screams ‘I’d be a phenomenal addition to your family’ has been violent. Different parts of me are picking different outfits for ridiculous reasons. There’s a fourth voice scolding me for thinking that being a part of the family is terribly presumptuous.

I hear my phone alert me that I have a text, and my heart beats faster, thinking it’s Beau. It’s not, but I’m just as happy to get a message from Marcus, until I read what he’s sent. My smile slowly falls into a deep frown the longer my eyes scan over my screen.

Marcus: Hey Harry. I think I need you to come over here. I thought I was getting the flu again a few days ago because I’ve been throwing up and had some terrible headaches, but this morning it got a lot worse. I haven’t been able to get out of bed without struggling. I called the walk-in clinic, and they said I should go to the emergency room because it sounds like I’m extremely dehydrated, and I shouldn’t drive. I need you to bring your key to get in because I don’t think I can get to the door. Please don’t hate me for the mess. I love you.

I’m frozen as I read the text over again. He didn’t say what he loves me more than…

Flicking my eyes up to the time in the corner of my phone, I realize that if I leave now and run, I can get to the bus before it leaves this hour. I grab my keys and purse, slipping on my flip-flops as I hurry out the door. Moving quickly to the bus stop, I send him a text back.

Me: I’ll be there in 20. I’ll never hate you because I love you more than Pooh loves honey.

I pick up my pace when he doesn’t answer me. Thank God, I make the bus just in time and settle into the seat, agitated within the first few minutes of the ride that we aren’t speeding. My thoughts are racing between worst- and best-case scenarios. He said he is nauseous, throwing up, and has a headache. That’s like… I run through the symptoms of all four diseases I know of and roll my eyes at how ridiculous I’m being. It’s the fucking flu.

Still, I still can’t stop the niggling feeling of something at the back of my head that I’ve fucked up somehow. He shouldn’t have been battling a stupid bug for this many weeks, right? Twenty minutes pass quickly as I zone out, trying to figure out why I’m feeling sick to my stomach over this. Marcus has been sick before. He’s had strep throat more times than I can count, and when we were in the sixth grade, he was in the hospital for like four days with pneumonia.

The keys to his place are in my hand when I jog up to his first-floor apartment and I’m shaking as I shove the key into the lock. I turn it until I hear the lock disengage and shove the door open. It stops halfway and I frown, pushing again, harder. This time it opens, but it’s heavier as I use the door to move whatever is behind it out of the way so I can go inside. Stepping in, I halt after two steps, ignoring the door as it closes on its own behind me.

“Jesus,” I whisper to no one.

I don’t understand…

My eyes fill with tears as the condition of my soul-fated friend’s apartment settles into my heart. Clutching my chest, I bend over to catch my breath. My God, I think I’m having my very first panic attack. I can’t breathe…

“Haddie?”

Jerking my head up, I squint through my hazy vision toward the back of the apartment where Marcus’s bedroom is. I choke out, “I-I’m here!”

I think I hear him sigh as I pick my way through the piles of papers, takeout bags, and delivery boxes. They’re all filled with more things that I don’t think are original to the box. He told me to expect the worst, so I’m going to ignore this for now. Once we get him fixed up, this can be the next on our agenda. Nothing a little elbow grease and a lot of trash bags won’t take care of.

As I enter his room, I suck in a breath and hold it as I study him. He’s lying in his bed on his side, and he looks like he’s aged years, but it’s only been like a week since I’ve last seen him. I thought he was looking a little pale before when he was in my apartment, but now, his skin is almost transparent white. Even his lips look bloodless, and I don’t know what to do.

“Marcus,” I whisper. “What do you need me to do? I know you need to go to the emergency room, but can you make it out of bed? Maybe I should call the ambulance.” Looking around his room, I see an empty duffle bag and start piling clothes inside. Then I move over to his side table to tear his phone charger out of the wall and shove it, along with his phone, inside as well. “I don’t know what you need, but I can come back if I need to. What should I do? Should I call 911?” I stare at him, pleading for him to tell me something, anything.

Groaning, he forces himself to sit up and I immediately rush over to his side to help balance him. “I can make it to the car if I can use your shoulder.” He looks up at me and winces at whatever look he sees on my face. “Are you mad at me for my apartment?”

“God no!” I cry. “I don’t care about your fucking apartment. This will only take a day or two to fix up for you. I care about you. Are you sure you’re okay to walk?”

He nods slowly. I whip my hand out when he reaches for me and stands on wobbly legs. It takes him a few moments to balance himself, and when he’s got his feet under him, he smiles at me. Blowing out a breath in relief, I nod my head at him. “Okay, let’s get you to the car.”

Wrapping an arm around him, I pick up his bag with my free hand and we take our time inching our way out to his car. Thankfully, his keys were hanging on the hook by his front door, so we don’t need to waste any time looking for them.

Once he’s settled in the front seat, I hurry back to lock his door then hop into the driver’s seat. Marcus doesn’t talk during the drive. We ride in silence while I continuously shoot glances over at him, worried that he’s kept his eyes shut for the whole drive. Normally, falling asleep in the car makes him carsick, so he does everything he can to not doze off.

The moment I pull into the lot of the hospital, I decide to say fuck it and drive right up to the entrance to the emergency room. Keeping the car idling in park, I rest my hand over his and tell him in a soft voice, “I’m going to run inside and get someone to help us. Don’t go running off on me or anything.”

Marcus doesn’t open his eyes, but the side of his mouth tilts up in a small smile. “You’re never gonna catch me,” he mumbles, forcing a half laugh, half sob out of me.

I’m shocked at how quickly the hospital staff moves after I charge in, completely panicked and crying for them to help me.

Over dramatic much? Probably.

Did I randomly check myself to make sure I wasn’t covered in blood by the looks of panic on their faces? Sure fucking did.

Do I regret it? Absolutely fucking not.

Within ten minutes, we’re shuffled to one of the triage rooms and I tuck myself into the corner to stay out of the way. As they ask Marcus and me questions about his symptoms, I grow increasingly upset over the fact that I don’t know any of the answers because he hasn’t told me anything. For the most part, the questions are centered around his nausea and headaches, and they are quick to get him hooked up to an IV so he can get some fluids for his dehydration.

When the questions turn more specific and unexpected, I pull out my phone to take notes. This way, when I speak to his parents, I’ll be able to fill them in. It’s almost like the doctor and nurses are trying to gently lead him toward something, but I don’t know what they’re looking for. Probably why I’m not a damn doctor.

When Marcus answers the last question, my head lifts to stare at my friend in shock.

“Is there anything else that’s been going on that we should know about? Even if you don’t think it’s related to this?”

Marcus looks away from everyone, even me, when he answers, “I have a spot on the inside of my thigh. It’s gotten a little bigger since it showed up.” What the fuck? What spot? Quickly racing through my head, I can’t remember when his legs have been bare recently. Marcus has always been a jeans and t-shirt kind of guy. He despises summer for the heat and much prefers to stay inside where it’s always cold.

“Do you mind if we see it?” the doctor asks.

If Marcus had any color in his features, I know he’d be blushing right about now, especially when he looks over at me. The doctor follows his gaze and asks, “Would you like her to step out while we check you over?”

My friend shakes his head, and instead of answering him, he says to me, “I’m really sorry I didn’t tell you, Harry.”

Swallowing hard against the bile that’s stinging the back of my throat, I let him know without words that it’ll be okay. The moment the sheet is pulled back, and they shift his leg to the side to take a look at the spot, I realize I’m going to be sick. This is more than a little fucking spot.

He has a massive tumor that I’d guess is close to the length of my hand there, and the shock on everyone’s faces makes my head spin. Stepping up next to Marcus, I grab his hand and work the hardest I’ve ever had to in my life to get my words out.

“I’m going to step out while they check you over and give your mom a call. Is that alright? I’ll only be like ten minutes.”

Squeezing my hand hard, he begs me, “Don’t let her go to my place. I don’t want her to see it like that.”

Shaking my head hard, I promise, “I swear I won’t. I’ll take care of it tomorrow and Saturday. They’ll never know. I’ll be right back.”

He nods once, so I let him go and pull away as the doctor asks, “Marcus, I’m sure that this is the source of what’s causing all the other concerning symptoms. I’d like to know how long this has been here.”

I shut the door behind me after I hear Marcus’s answer, and immediately start sobbing into my hands.

“Four years… I think.”

Chapter 21

I’ll Fix It…

Beau

My ringing phone pulls me from the much needed, deep sleep I had sunk into. Squinting one eye open at my alarm clock on my bedside table, I groan into my pillow when I see it’s barely 7:30 in the morning.

Jensen better have a good fucking reason for waking me.

Getting a day to sleep in is rare, and he knows the mood I was in last night when we all headed home. Especially after an awkwardly cheerful dinner where my mom did her best to keep the conversation going. My father only grunted out curt responses and glared at me.

Grabbing my phone, I keep my face pressed into my pillow and mumble out a garbled, “What the fuck do you want, Jens?”

“It’s Addie, not Jensen.”

That wakes me up quicker than I thought I was capable of. “Addie? What the hell? What’s going on?”

“Hey Beau. I’m sorry for waking you so early because I know yesterday was rough. I just got a phone call from Marcus’s mom and wanted to get a hold of you right away. They admitted him to the hospital last night. That’s why Haddie wasn’t home when we went to pick her up. She had to take him to the ER in the afternoon and had no reception all night.”

Closing my eyes, I pinch my nose and rub it hard as she explains why Haddie wasn’t taking my calls. I had tried calling her once more when I got home but decided against leaving a pissed off voicemail for her. I’ve never been more thankful to make a quick decision like that in my life. I’m already feeling the guilt with the way I texted her when I found out she was a no show.

Clearing the morning roughness from my throat, I ask, “Is Marcus okay? What happened?”

Addie sighs into the phone, and I can practically hear her shaking her head. “I don’t know what’s going on. Only that he was really sick and asked Haddie for help. He’s also having surgery this morning, but I don’t know what it’s for.”

Pulling my phone away from my ear, I place the call on speaker and swipe out of the call screen to see if I’ve missed anything from Haddie. Sure enough, I’ve got four missed texts that came in a few hours ago.

“Listen, I’m going to let you go. I’ve got some missed texts from her and I want to give her a call.”

“Yeah, definitely. Tell her I love her. I sent her a couple more texts last night, but she hasn’t written anything back. Will you ask her to call me if you get a hold of her?”

“I will,” I promise, then say a quick goodbye so I can read what Haddie sent me.

(3:47 am)

Happy: Beau, I’m SO SO SORRY I didn’t call you. Marcus had an emergency, and he needed me to come get him and take him to the emergency room. We were stuck in there for literal hours, and I had zero reception and I realized around nine that I missed dinner. I was going to step out to call you, but I just couldn’t. I couldn’t leave the room, Beau. I’m also really sorry for texting you so early in the morning, but I wanted you to know that I was heading home to change my clothes and shower. Then I need to go to Marcus’s apartment because there are things I need to do. I think I need help. But I need you to not judge my friend, not that I think you’re a judgy person because I don’t, but it’s… I’ll explain when/if you want to talk to me today. When you wake up, if you’re not still terribly angry at me, would you come to his place? But call me when you get here so I can explain some things before you come inside.

Happy: *Address forwarded*

Happy: Please don’t be mad at me. I would have given everything to come to dinner with you to meet your mom and see your mean dad… sorry, that was mean, but I’m exhausted.

Happy: I really didn’t mean to hurt you by not calling.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Quickly, I send a text to her, feeling like the biggest asshole in the world for being so pissed last night.

Me: Happy girl, don’t EVEN worry about it. How is Marcus doing? How are YOU doing? I’m getting up right now and I’ll head over there shortly.

I begin to type out the words ‘I love you’, but quickly delete them. What the fuck? Are we even there yet? Also, wouldn’t it be really selfish of me to send something like that when she’s clearly been up all night and probably emotionally drained after dealing with whatever is happening with Marcus?

Besides that, I’ve got some serious apologizing to do for not questioning if something serious was going on and that’s the reason she didn’t show. Haddie is nothing if not passionately loyal to those she considers ‘her people’.

Me: I’m hopping in the shower now. Ignore everything I texted last night. You have absolutely nothing to be sorry for. I’m sorry I was such a dick, but I’m going to give you a better apology when I see you.

Throwing my blankets off my body, I quickly shower and dress while still damp. I grab an apple off the counter to eat on the way to the address she sent me for Marcus’s place. I pause before the door and decide to grab another two, just in case my happy girl has nothing to eat this morning, before quickly making my way to her.

Marcus lives about fifteen minutes from my house. This makes me realize I’ve never had Haddie over and I need to remedy that soon. Pulling into the parking lot in front of his building, I turn off my car and call Haddie.

She picks up on the second ring.

“Hi Beau,” she says tiredly into the phone.

My brows furrow because this is probably the first time she hasn’t called me Captain, or Thor, or Chris, or even King Arthur. She sounds absolutely exhausted, and I want to fix it for her.

“Hey baby. I’m here.”

I can hear the emotion clogging her words when she whispers, “I’ll be out in thirty-two seconds.”

Chuckling into the phone, I tease, “Oddly specific, but I’ll take it. I’ll be here.” I hear her suck in a breath and movement until I see her running out the door with her phone to her ear. “I see you,” I say, before I hang up and get out of the car.

I barely have the door shut when she’s in front of me and throwing herself into my arms, instantly sobbing against my chest. Christ, what the fuck is happening with Marcus to have her reacting like this?

“Baby… Happy, shh…” I soothe, holding her tightly against me as she attempts to climb my body to get closer. I press my lips to the top of her head as I help her up so she can wrap her legs around me. “Take a minute, but tell me where to go so I can get you inside.”

“Noo!” she cries out. “J-Just wait. We can’t go in there yet. I just need a-a freaking m-minute to be pathetic.”

“Fuck,” I mutter, my heart cracks at the despair in her voice. “Haddie, my God, you’re not pathetic! You’re clearly exhausted and overwhelmed. Just…” I trail off, looking around, eventually seeing a bench outside the front door and walk us over there. “Take all the time you need and when you’re ready, tell me what’s going on.”

I sit with her straddling my lap and with the new angle, she buries her face into my neck. Her tears are dampening my skin, and all I can think to do is hold her and run my hand over her half falling out messy bun hanging low at the back of her head. Time passes as she breaks down in my arms while I continue to rock her slowly from side to side. I whisper encouraging words and promises in her ear until finally she releases a long, shuddering breath.

My hands stay on her waist as she pulls back from me and forces out a trembling smile. “Thank you for letting me have my moment. I think I really needed to get that all out. I’m, umm…. I’m very overwhelmed right now.”

Brushing the tear-soaked strands away from her puffy eyes and reddened cheeks, I lean forward and kiss her nose. “Tell me how I can underwhelm you then. Let’s get you back to a comfortable, only slightly stressed mindset.”

I feel the tightness release in my chest when she giggles and covers her mouth, then drops her hands into her lap and bites back a real smile this time. “You underwhelm me every day, and I appreciate that about you,” she teases.

Reaching around, I smack her on the ass lightly and mock glare at her. “I’ll make you eat those words. Now that you’re back to your sassy self, tell me what’s going on. How is Marcus?”

Her laughter cuts off abruptly and her face falls. Picking at my shirt, she explains what happened. “Marcus called me yesterday afternoon and told me he needed my help to get to the emergency room. I’ll explain why he called me instead of his parents in just a minute, and also, I’m really, really sorry I didn’t call you yesterday. My mind was so focused on what I needed to do that I–”

I cover her mouth and shake my head fiercely. “Don’t apologize. Never apologize for doing what you have to do. We’ll try again when Marcus gets sorted out. So, keep talking about the problem at hand so I can fix it,” I tease, winking at her.

The smile that spreads across her lips is soft and filled with an emotion I really don’t think I should put a name to at this moment.

“So, we got to the hospital and pretty quickly found out what the issue was. He, uh, he has this really big tumor on his leg.” She shows me the size with her hands and I close my eyes because it’s fucking huge. “He’s going in for surgery to remove it sometime this morning so they can perform a biopsy. They couldn’t do it last night because his blood count was really low, so he needed to get a blood transfusion before they could operate.”

“Do they have any idea what’s caused this?” I ask.

Haddie shakes her head sadly. “Not really. Well, kind of. They said that the most likely cause is between two things. Either it’s some sort of bowel infection that can cause these types of tumors to pop up anywhere on the body, or cancer.”

My eyes widen when she says the second one. “What are they…” I trail off, not sure what to ask.

“They’re leaning toward the bowel thing because of his age and stuff. But that’s why they’re doing the surgery so quickly, so they can find out and come up with a treatment plan depending on the results. His parents were out of town yesterday, but hurried back when I was able to reach them right after we got there. They showed up around three this morning and are with him now.”

Straightening my shoulders, I work through everything she’s said. “Okay, so Marcus is doing alright at the moment?”

“Yeah. Once he got the blood, his color started to come back, and he perked up pretty decently. He’s tired, but it seems like he’s in good spirits. They’ve admitted him and he’ll stay there until the biopsy results come in, which they think will be either Monday or Tuesday.”

I’m not sure if it’s the way that I’m asking questions in a clinical manner, but I think being able to detach for a moment and only talk about the facts is helping her refocus on what needs to be done.

“Good, I’m really glad that he’s doing better. Before we get to what you needed help with, how are you doing?”

I chuckle when she groans and falls forward, dropping head onto my shoulder, mumbling, “I’m fucking exhausted. Sad and scared and a little angry…” Her voice trails off, and she’s silent as she breathes against me deeply.

“Baby,” I murmur against her head. “Did you just fall asleep on me?”

“I wish,” her muffled voice answers.

Grinning, I ask, “Why are you a little angry?”

Turning her head so she can still lay her head where it’s at on my shoulder, she looks up at me. “I might be more than a little angry, and I’m really fucking ashamed of that.”

Furrowing my brows, I ask, “Why?”

Blowing out a breath, she sits back up. “The tumor on his leg? It’s been there for over four years, Beau. Four years! Why the hell didn’t he go to the doctor when it first showed up? Or even six freaking months ago?”

I don’t have an answer for her because it’s a good fucking question, and I find myself growing frustrated with him as well. “I don’t know, happy girl. But what’s done is done. He didn’t before, but he’s there now.”

“Yeah, I suppose,” she grumbles, picking at my shirt again. “I need to tell you something else, the reason I told you I needed your help. But, well… here’s the thing. It’s something that’s going to be awful and incredibly embarrassing for Marcus. I only just found out about it, and he begged me to not let his parents find out. So, I’ve got like two days to fix it for him.”

I can’t think of anything that she could possibly be talking about. Confused, I ask slowly, “Okaaay? What is it?”

Closing her eyes briefly before opening them and staring at me with all the seriousness she can muster, she breathes deeply, readying herself. She’s geared up to share whatever Marcus’s huge secret is. “His apartment is a disaster. Like, I think we may be looking at something that’s comparable to borderline hoarding. But I need you to know, this isn’t the Marcus that I know. I’ve been to his apartment a million times, and it’s been messy before, but it’s been nowhere near something like this. I haven’t been here for about six weeks; I did the math. So, what happened in there must have been because he’s been sicker than he was letting on.”

Okay, so we need to get some cleaning done. I can handle that.

“Two days? I’m assuming this is something staying between the two of us. No calling in extra reinforcements?” Haddie shakes her head so hard I’m afraid she’s going to give herself whiplash. I reach up and hold the sides of her face to stop her movement. “Got it. It stays between us.”

“Marcus can’t know you know either. I just got in there this morning and was so overwhelmed I knew I couldn’t handle it all by myself. Addie, and you know how much I love her, wouldn’t be able to handle this. She’s a clean freak and would lose her shit. His parents are dealing with enough at the hospital and they don’t need this extra burden. This is something I can do,” she admits, explaining the situation a little better for me.

“We. This is something we can do for him. Just tell me what you need from me.”

Her eyes fill with tears right before she leans into me and presses a slow kiss to my lips, then murmurs, “You’re amazing.”

Chuckling, I pull back and lift her from my lap. “I know. Let’s go see what we’re getting into.”

I follow Haddie into her best friend’s apartment and give myself props for keeping my face neutral when she looks up at me. She’s blushing, clearly embarrassed on behalf of her friend.

Her lip is being abused by her teeth as she digs into it, worried over my reaction. When I don’t say anything right away, she admits, “I know. It’s really bad.”

I resolve myself to get this done with her, no matter how long it takes. Tugging my phone out of my pocket, I scroll through my contacts, looking for someone, anyone, to call.

“What are you doing?” she asks, worry lacing her voice.

I ease her with a wink as I hit the call button for a friend of mine. “I’m getting us a truck.”

Chapter 22

Puzzles!

Haddie

“Oh my God! I forgot about all of these!” I cry out after I open one of the countless totes stored in Marcus’s second bedroom.

Beau stands up from where he’s bending over and shoving broken down boxes into one of those thick black trash bags that people normally use for leaves. Stretching his back, he cracks his neck in both directions before coming over to see what I’m looking at.

Turning his head to the side, he studies them with a raised brow, then looks at me. “They’re jigsaw puzzles.”

“Yeah,” I grin, bouncing on my knees, staring up at him. I pick out one of my favorites, which is a painting of an entire underwater ecosystem to show him. I’m not sure where mermaids fit in, but I didn’t complain when I was twelve. “This one was our favorite. I think we did it like six times. We used to sit around his coffee table for hours on end and work on them, especially on the weekends. My older brothers played sports all the time, so my family would always travel for events and clinics and practices to take the boys everywhere. Amber too, once she got big into competitive cheerleading. As much as I think she’s a bitch, she is great at what she does.”

“You didn’t go along with them?” he asks me, frowning at the idea that they left me behind when the rest of my family would take off.

Laughing, I shake my head. “Not unless it was a game. I always begged my way out of going just to watch them get yelled at and run laps. So, I’d stay the weekends at Marcus’s house. We were addicted to jigsaw puzzles.”

I swallow against the rush of emotion as it slams into me, remembering how we separated out the colors before ever starting. I’d always put in the ‘girl’ colors and he would put in the ‘boy’ colors. We truly did them together, debating which piece we should try next.

Beau squats down and grips the side of my neck. “Hey, happy girl,” he says gently. “Just say the word and we can call it a night. We’re about done with going through everything anyway, and you look absolutely wrecked.”

Well, that yanked me right out of my pity party. There’s no stopping my eyes from narrowing at him, hurt that he would comment about how terrible I look after we’ve been busting our asses for two full days. “Thanks for reminding me I’m not still sexy as fuck after working for hours, elbows deep in Marcus’s underwear and–”

Beau throws his head back and starts laughing, the sound echoing through the room, shutting me up. Lord help me. Captain Thor, in the grip of uninhibited, pure laughter is just… beautiful.

When he looks back at me, I know he notices my mouth hanging open, but he doesn’t stop chuckling as he uses his finger under my chin to push it shut. Moving toward me slowly, I back up with my eyes locked on his. He ends up crawling over me when I lean back on my elbows. His hands are on either side of me as he lowers his head to nip my bottom lip.

“You’re still sexy as fuck, Happy. But like you said, you’ve been elbows deep in underwear for too many hours. Let me take you home, put you in the bath, then my bed, and fall into an exhausted sleep with you.”

“Yeah… okay,” I breathe out. Then I panic over leaving as I look around the room we’ve been working in.

My brain is fried.

I need to call Marcus.

We need to finish organizing.

Probably should pee at some point.

“Come on, gorgeous. We can finish this up tomorrow. It’ll take an hour. If you leave with me now, maybe I’ll even do another thing tonight.” His brows bounce up and down, making me clamp my teeth down on the inside of my lips to stay silent.

Beau grabs my hand as he stands up, yanking me along with him. “Baths and pizza and pillows. Let’s go.” His order is accompanied with a smack to my ass and I squeak, hopping forward from the sting.

Just before I reach for the light switch, I spin around and run back to the tote in the center of the room. “Wait! I want to bring this with me.” Tucking the puzzle under my arm, I hurry back to him, flicking off the light as I follow him out of the room.

“You think you’ll be in the mood for that tonight? I give you five, maybe ten minutes before you’re passed out.”

Beau takes my keys from me to lock up the apartment once we step out the front door. “It’s not for tonight,” I tell him. “I’m going to bring it with me to the hospital tomorrow because I guarantee that stinker is bored out of his mind.”

I know this because he’s already texted me three different times with GIFs of someone groaning and throwing their head back. There was also one where a guy was tapping his fingers on a table and blowing out a slow breath, looking super sad.

Chuckling, he holds the passenger door to his car open for me, and I sink into the seat, groaning at the way the soft leather cradles my sore body. Both today and yesterday have been some of the most physically draining days of my life. I’d do it every day for my friend, but I’m not ashamed to admit that I really hope I never have to do it again.

I don’t even realize he’s started the engine because I’m asleep before we pull out of the parking lot.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Hugging Mrs. O’Brien goodbye, I feel relieved that Beau and I woke as early as we did. I think Beau’s use of ‘absolutely wrecked’ is much more fitting for her. I can’t even imagine how stressed and worried she’s been with her only child having this huge medical emergency.

On top of looking haggard, her eyes are swollen, like she’s been sobbing for a week straight. I don’t think she’s slept anywhere other than the chair next to Marcus’s bed since they admitted him on Thursday. Considering it’s Sunday, she deserves a shot of tequila and a thick blanket at a minimum.

Beau is with me, but he told me he had only planned on staying for a few minutes. Long enough to say hi to Marcus and see how he’s feeling. I smile when he asks if there’s anything Marcus would like him to pick up at the store, offering to swing it by this morning. When he declines, Beau bumps fists with him, then comes back to me where I’m hanging back by the entrance to the room and brushes his lips across my cheek.

“Call me if you need anything, Happy. I’ll come pick you up when you’re ready. I want you at my place tonight. You barely got to see it and I’m feeling the urge to christen some very specific areas.”

With a wink, he walks out the door, my eyes following him until he disappears around the nurses’ station. The three women sitting behind the counter all follow his body and I wish I could yell at them for ogling my man, but… I don’t fucking blame them. Superhero. That’s what he is. God-like. Otherworldly.

“You’re drooling,” Marcus’s raspy voice calls out behind me.

Whipping my head around, I quickly wipe the back of my hand across my mouth, then scowl when it comes away dry. Laughing at me, he clutches his stomach and winces from the pain.

“Asshole. I’ve brought you something. Actually, I’ve brought you two things, but one is lame.”

Hurrying over to him, I drop my oversized bag I stole from Beau’s place into an empty chair. Then I tug the rolling table that fits over his bed around until it’s between his bed and my chair.

Watching me, he covers his smile. “I’ve always wanted a bedside table. Especially one of the ones with the beautiful plastic wood grain tops. How did you know?”

Giggling, I whack his foot because it’s the only thing I can reach. “You’ll be thanking me a minute because…” I pause for dramatic effect as I pull our puzzle from my bag, holding it up for him to see, and sing, “I foooound something!”

I’m absolutely thrilled by the excitement and happiness I see on his face. I’m also relieved that I’ve distracted him from his shitty hospital stay.

“I totally forgot I even had those in my place! Shit, were they all in there?”

“Fuck yes, they were. Seriously, Marky, we’re going to redo every single one of them. Screw reruns. I want card tables, puzzles, and wine for the next three years’ worth of friend nights.”

Marcus throws a fist pump into the air, completely on board with my idea. “Sold. What else did you bring me?”

He eyes my bag, eager for more presents. He’s always been easy to please, and even though the second thing isn’t anything special, I know he’ll get a kick out of it. Grinning, I reach into the bag and pull out a card I grabbed at the gas station this morning. Holding it away from him, I explain some things first.

“It’s not exciting, and you need to know that the Stop’n’Shop really needs to upgrade their greeting card selection. Pathetic, really. I actually considered starting another side gig designing cards. Got a sliver in your finger? Go check out Bananamark’s seventeen different options. Dog was spayed or neutered? Bananamark has at least twenty, most of which would include some version of Bob Barker on the front.”

“Catch phrase: ‘And don’t forget to get your cats spayed or neutered, folks’,” Marcus finishes for me, causing us both to dissolve into a fit of giggles.

Finally sitting down, I hand him the get well soon card and can barely control my pleasure over his reaction reading the stupidest card I’ve ever found. There’s a single round rock on the front where I’ve drawn an arrow pointing at it and wrote ‘YOU’ at the end. The inside reads:

I know this isn’t an impressive card, but thanks for always being my rock.

Get well soon so we can rock and roll.

My smile falls when his does, right before he looks up at me with tears glistening in his eyes. “I’m not your rock, Harry. You’re mine.”

I force down the urge to sob and jab my finger in the air at him. “None of that shit, Marcus. Today is going to be a happy day, because coincidentally enough, that’s my goddamn name now, which means I get to decide.” Looking away from him, I drag the box for the puzzle over to me and open it up, dumping out the pieces. “And you’re fucking wrong. I don’t know what I’d ever do without you.”

Blinking away my tears, I start flipping over the pieces so they’re all face up, taking a moment to get myself under control. After a few moments, Marcus’s hand slowly reaches out to help me. We’re both silent as we work and I fucking hate it.

Finally, he breaks the silence, and my shoulders fall with the release of tension from my muscles. “You could probably write a book about two rocks getting it on… just saying,” he mumbles out.

Humming, I think it over, thankful for his attempt to lighten the mood. “Maybe. Oh, what if it was a rock and a geode?”

Bobbing his head back and forth, he considers the question. “That could work, but isn’t a geode considered a rock?”

Pausing my hands, I blink up at him. “Huh. I don’t know. I’ll look it up.” Grabbing my phone, I quickly search the question on whether or not a geode is a rock then smile when I see the answer. “It’s a hollow rock where the insides are lined with crystals. Sort of perfect to be the lady. Gotta have a hole if you’re gonna take something hard, amiright?”

Laughing softly, he shakes his head at me, amused by my antics. I continue a running commentary as we organize our pieces, plotting out what’s quickly becoming my new favorite idea.

“Have you ever heard of that desert where the rocks move, but no one knows why? They leave the trails in the sand and go all the way across the valley. I should set up the story that ol’ Rocky is on one end and the moment he spies little Ode on the other side, he knows he just has to have her. So, he spends years inching his way across the sand until, one night, he finally makes it. Then she could open herself up and show him her gems.”

Snickering, he says, “A true love story.”

“Epic!” I agree.

“Kind of like you and ol’ Cap,” he adds, peeking up at me for my reaction.

Frowning at him, I can’t stop myself from arguing. “I’m not sure he’s thinking along those lines. Not now, anyway. It’s only been like a month and he hasn’t really said anything regarding how he feels about me.”

Raising a brow, Marcus stares at me like I’m an idiot. “He’s not thinking along those lines? What about you? Also, I think you’re wrong. I think that guy is head over heels for you. You’re just clueless.” When I open my mouth to argue, he quickly adds, “In all the best of ways. It’s adorable.”

“I think you’re delusional,” I say, glaring at him.

He matches my glare with an even better one. “I think you’re in denial.”

Sniffing, I sit up straighter. “Whatever. I’d say we can agree to disagree, but we’re going to agree that I’m right.” He simply rolls his eyes at me.

We spend the rest of the day chatting, laughing, and reminiscing over stupid things we remember from the moment we first met. I ignore the niggling feeling that I need to remember every single second of this day, and instead just enjoy the peace.

While we eat lunch, pausing on our puzzling, Marcus is acting sheepish when he asks, “Sooo… how’s my, umm… how’s my apartment?”

Waving him off, I refuse to allow him to stress about his place another second. “Fine. Perfect even. I got you, boo. It’s all taken care of. I even left you little stickers of happy faces in random places, so you’re surprised when you find them. There are…” I pretend to count on my fingers, “twenty-six of them.”

He still looks worried, and I just know he’s more concerned about how I felt about it, so I try my best to reassure him.

“Look, was it bad? Yes, yes it was. You know this and I know this. Do I care? Absolutely not. I know that that has never happened before, which means it’s a symptom of your declining health over the past few months. I’m not mad at you, Marcus, and I’m honored that you allowed me to do this thing for you. It gave me a purpose this weekend.”

I stare at him until he can read every bit of truth behind my eyes. Then, slowly, he nods his head and sighs loudly. Nothing more is said as we slide the table back over after finishing our lunch to get back to work.

I hide my smile when he whispers, “Thanks for being my geode.”

Chapter 23

We Need a Truck

Beau

Walking into the library, I search for my beautiful redhead and spy her leaning over a book behind the main counter.

We finished up at Marcus’s apartment over the weekend. Then she spent two days sitting in the hospital with Marcus, joking around while doing that jigsaw puzzle together. Haddie finally looks refreshed. She slept at my place again last night and barely made it through dinner before passing out.

We’ve yet to christen my bed, but I have plans for tonight if I get to have it my way. Smirking over thoughts of all the ways I plan on distracting her, I quickly make my way to her. I bite my cheek when I lean over the counter because she still hasn’t noticed me. The sly minx is working on a crossword puzzle, completely engrossed and lost to anything around her.

Releasing a sigh, I tap the top of her head, causing her to jump in surprise and look up at me with startled eyes. “Fuck a duck!” she cries out, then winces when we both hear more than a few students snickering behind us.

With a click of my tongue, I shake my head slowly and cross my arms. “Terrible language, Miss Byer.”

Giggling, she waves her hand at the students to let them know they should look away. I can’t stop the grin from spreading across my face as she looks up at me, an equally large smile on hers.

“Ew. You two are so gross. Seriously.”

We both jerk our heads to the right and see Addie leaning against the counter next to me. When the hell did she show up?

“Addie! What are you doing here?” Haddie asks, clearly thrilled to have two of her three people here.

Looking at her nails, she raises a brow. “Well, I certainly didn’t come to watch the two of you make eyes at each other.” She winks at Haddie when she giggles and blushes at her teasing. “But I actually came because Marcus’s mom sent me a text to come find you so that we’re together when she calls.”

My smile falls away, confused about why Haddie is going to need people around when she calls. The grin on her face also fades away, and now she simply looks worried. Picking up her phone, she opens the screen to check her phone.

“She hasn’t sent me anything. Let me grab my things and we can go outside, then I’ll give her a quick call.” Haddie picks up her bag and shoves her things inside. She steps into the back office to let whomever she’s working with know that she’s heading out, then meets us on the other side of the desk.

Addie and I wait for her in silence, and I can feel the tension building as we make our way outside. Haddie makes the call the moment we’re away from listening ears and she’s bouncing on her toes as it rings. It’s not long before she relaxes when she hears Mrs. O’Brien answer.

“Hey Momma B, Addie is here with me. She said you told her to come find me for a phone call. What’s going on?” Her voice is a bit shaky, and she’s speaking at a rapid speed, trying to get to the point. She pauses before she nods her head to whatever Marcus’s mom said, then pulls her phone away to flip it over to speaker phone. “Alright, you’re on speaker. Wait, Beau is here as well. Is that alright?”

“Oh, wonderful! Nice to talk to you again, Beau. You still treating our girl properly?”

Snorting, I bump Haddie’s shoulder and wink at her. “Trying to, Mrs. O’Brien. How is everyone doing?”

“We’re doing as best as we can be. Listen, I’m glad you’re there too, because the girls will probably need your help if they say yes.”

“Say yes to what? I mean, of course I’ll say yes to whatever you need, but what am I agreeing to?” Haddie asks, casting a glance at Addie, who nods her head quickly. “Addie says yes too.”

Blowing out a breath into the phone, I can hear the relief pouring out of her. “So, okay. I need you to not panic because we don’t know everything just yet and we’re sort of in a whirlwind of ‘what the hell do we need to do’ mode. I need to get back into the room, so I’m so, SO sorry to be abrupt with this.”

Haddie’s hand shoots out and grips my arm, her nails digging in with shaking fingers. “You’re freaking me out, Mrs. B.”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I’m not trying to. Okay, so the doctors just met with us and the results of Marcus’s biopsy came in. Honey, it’s melanoma. Cancer. We don’t–”

“CANCER?!” Haddie’s panicked voice interrupts and her eyes look up at me, then over to Addie, who has the same touch of fear behind them. “He has cancer? I thought they thought it was a fucking bowel infection!”

Her breathing has picked up and the only thing I can think to do is start rubbing her back to soothe her. I’m not quite sure what to say right now because we need to hear the rest of what his mom has to say. Addie steps closer, moving to Haddie’s other side, and she frowns down at the phone.

“Mrs. B, I’m so sorry. How is Marcus doing with it? How are you and your husband feeling? What can we do?” Addie asks while Haddie tries to control her breathing.

“Like I said, we’re doing the best we can. We don’t know much more than that right now. He’s going to have some sort of treatment, but the appointment with the oncologist isn’t until Friday. That’s when they’ll tell us his prognosis and what our next steps will be.”

Quickly thinking, I note that today is Tuesday, so we’ve got three days until we have more answers.

“I need to do something. What do you need me to do, Momma?” Haddie’s choked voice asks.

“Oh, sweet girl. I know.” Her own voice is filled with so much emotion and it’s obvious she’s trying to hold it together. “Listen, I need some help with something, and I know it’s going to be inconvenient, but I’m not sure who else to ask.”

“Anything,” Haddie cries vehemently. “Anything at all. Tell me what to do!”

“We need to bring him home. They didn’t say how bad it is because they just don’t know yet. But I need him home. I need him to be here so I can take care of him through this. I suspect he’ll be with us for a while. If I give you the code to get into the garage, would you be able to get some people together to his apartment and clear it out? I know it’s a massive ask, but I need my baby home.”

Mrs. O’Brien finishes her ask with a broken sob, and with a quick glance at the girls, I see that they’re fighting back their own tears. Addie’s lower lip is wobbling, and Haddie is quickly wiping away the rapidly falling drops running down her cheeks.

Clearing my throat, I decide to take over. “We’ll get it done for you. Should we just move everything, or what specifically are you needing?”

“Everything,” she whispers. “I just need him home, Beau. The door to the house is unlocked from inside the garage. Haddie knows where his room is. I’m hoping you all could just stack his things in the garage and move his bedroom stuff into the house and get it set back up. I know it’s so last minute, and we can make do if you all aren’t able to get it done today. We’re bringing him tonight.”

Shit, we’ve only got this afternoon. Running things through my head on how we can pull this off, I start thinking of people I know I can call.

“Got it. We’re going to go so we can figure this out. Keep in touch with any updates today, would you?”

“Always. Girls? Are you still there?”

“Yeah,” Haddie croaks out. “Will you tell him I’m going to kick his ass for getting cancer when I see him tonight?”

Mrs. O’Brien’s laugh is watery, but I think it’s lightened the mood. “Kick it good. We’ve already decided we’re grounding his ass for this stunt.”

Snickering, Addie uses a finger to wipe away her own tears. “Good. Asshole deserves it. We got you, Mrs. B. All our love.”

“Tell him I love him more than old people love talking about their bowel movements!” Haddie calls out.

She giggles as we all say our quick goodbyes. Standing together in silence for a moment, I watch my girl as she takes a few deep breaths with her eyes closed, centering herself. I don’t want to push her quite yet. Both of them need a minute to take in the news and refocus.

Addie is the first to snap out of it. “I’m going to call work then Jensen. Haddie, you need to run back inside and take off work for the rest of the day. Maybe give your brothers a call and see if any of them are free.” Haddie wrinkles her nose at that last suggestion but doesn’t argue. “Beau? Do you have anyone with a truck or trucks that you could reach out to? We’re going to need boxes, totes, garbage bags in case we need to do some quick cleaning–”

“His place is clean,” are Haddie’s first words.

My stomach turns over at the realization that she and I have effectively already packed up his apartment. Aside from stuff in drawers, which we can just remove and pour into boxes, it will mainly be dismantling furniture and heavy lifting. It’s like the universe was pre-emptively getting us prepared to handle this today and do this as fast as possible.

Addie looks surprised. “Really? He’s normally a disaster.”

Huffing out a laugh, Haddie looks at the sky for a moment. “Your disaster is much different from everyone else’s disaster, my friend. You’re a freak.”

The scowl on Addie’s face is priceless. “I am not,” she hisses, then flips her hair over her shoulder.

Giggling, Haddie pokes her friend in the arm. “Seriously though, I was just there to grab things to take to the hospital. It’s perfect.” With a glance up at me, she silently thanks me for not adding in that we’re the ones who got it ‘move out’ ready. “I’m going to run inside to speak with my boss, then we can get moving.”

I press a kiss to her lips, lingering for a moment because I haven’t had a chance to kiss her since I got here. I pat her bottom toward the library. “Get going, happy girl. I’ll wait for you.”

Shooting a scathing look over her shoulder, she hauls ass into the building. Addie is already deep into conversation, organizing plans for today. I quickly run through who I should call first and remember a friend I’ve kept in touch with since we played in college together. He also lives with a few guys and all of them own trucks. That’s the most important part.

Picking up my phone, I dial Vincent Mercer, and pray he’s off today and answers his phone.

“Beau! My man! How you been?”

Quirking my lip, I fight back the smile over my friend’s exuberance. He’s always been a pretty friendly and energetic guy.

“I’ve been good. Busy. Listen, I’m actually calling for a huge favor. Are you and the guys free today?”

“Umm, yes? Sort of. We’re on vacation this week. We planned a surprise camping trip for the little lady. Heading out tomorrow. What’s going on?”

It took me a bit of time to come back from my surprise when I learned that he, along with his best friends Max and Ethan, were all dating the same woman. I’d never judge what they do in their personal lives, and it does seem to be working well for all of them, thankfully. Mina is a sweet woman and they’re all head over heels for her. There’s no way I’d be able to share Haddie with anyone. I’m entirely too selfish and want all of her attention focused on me. Maybe it’s an only child thing, but it’s definitely not something I foresee for our future.

Quickly, I explain what’s going on with Haddie’s best friend Marcus, and what we’re trying to accomplish today. I cross my fingers after I finish with a request for their vehicles and their help to move things out quickly. Vincent is silent for a moment, then says, “Hold on a second. Let me run it by them.”

A minute later, he comes back, and I feel a massive rush of relief that I’m able to pull this off for Haddie and Mrs. O’Brien.

“Yeah, we’ll help out today. Ethan’s a little pissy, but when isn’t he?” He snickers into the phone. “Send me the address and the time you want us there. We’ll just push our trip back a day since we aren’t on a tight schedule. Mina said she’d like to help. She’s already in the kitchen throwing together snacks. We’ve only got two trucks now, though, but we’ll bring both of them.”

Sighing in relief, I thank him profusely and turn to Addie, who’s staring at me. “Who was that?” she asks curiously.

“Friend from school. I’ve got four bodies and two trucks. Is Jensen coming?”

With a quick nod, she says, “Yes, but no truck. So, your four, then the four of us, that’s eight people. We really need another truck or two in order to get this done today.”

Chewing on my lip, I glance over at the library to see Haddie isn’t on her way out yet. Then ask Addie with a hint of hesitation, “Do you think I’d be stepping over the line if I reach out to her brothers?” I saw a couple of trucks there when we went to dinner a few weeks ago. I assume a couple of them belong to them and not her dad.

“Uhh…” She thinks it over. “I think it would be okay. She doesn’t really have issues with her brothers for the most part. They’re just not super close or anything. Let’s call and just say sorry later if Haddie’s upset about it. I don’t think she will be, though. This isn’t about them and their fucked up family drama.”

“You have any of their numbers?”

She nods and forwards me their contacts. Another five minutes and I’ve got both Matthew and Alexander lined up to help as well. I may have pushed my ‘man up’ narrative at them as a little guilt-tripped incentive. They’re not bad guys. Just idiots. Maybe this will help repair a bit of the disaster that happened between all of them.

Finally, Haddie makes her way out at a clipped pace and comes up short. “Okay, so I was thinking. Maybe we could steal a few of the guys from your team? Big ol’ muscles and all that. They probably won’t want to tell their coach no, right? I drove Marcus’s car today because I told him I was going to take advantage of the gas he still had in his tank. Wouldn’t want it going to waste and going bad. Wait, does gas even go bad?”

I wrap my arms around her and plant another loud kiss on her lips to shut her up. “Baby, you’re stressing. Addie and I have it worked out. With the three of us, we’ve got a total of ten bodies and four trucks. Think that’ll be good enough?”

Her mouth falls open as she looks between the two of us. “Who?”

With a chuckle, I lead her toward Marcus’s car and hold the door open for her to slide in. “Let’s get on the road and I’ll call you on the way. We’ll get this done, Happy.”

She nods, swallowing down another rush of emotion as she slips into the car. Leaning down, I wrap my hand around the side of her neck and tilt her head back. “One step at a time. Take the drive to breathe and focus on this one thing in front of us. Marcus is fine where he’s at. His parents are with him and he’s coming home. You’ll see him tonight and get your weird friend talk in. Then,” I kiss her deeply, showing her what ‘then’ means. Pulling back slightly, I grin against her mouth. “Then I’m going to take care of you in the best of ways.”

Breathing heavily, she touches my face with her fingertips. “Aye aye, Captain.”

Chapter 24

I Hate This

Haddie

“Haddie?”

I spin around and find all three of my brothers standing in front of me. I had just shoved a box in the back of Beau’s friend Vince’s truck and my arms feel sluggish already. It’s been fifteen minutes.

Bouncing my eyes across their faces, it’s obvious that they feel uncomfortable standing in front of me. When my eyes fall on Jonathon, I raise a brow. “I didn’t know you were coming too.”

His smile is forced when he shrugs his shoulder. “I didn’t hear my phone ring. When they called me to tell me what was going on, I wanted to help. How are you doing, sis?”

I answer with a shrug, like he did. I’m not sure I’m ready to talk about my deepest, darkest secrets and fears with my brothers. Outside of the fact that we never have those kinds of conversations, today isn’t the day. Plus, I’m still pissed at them. They never reached out after I left dinner and I haven’t been back since. Come to think of it, my dad hasn’t either. All I got was that one text from the stepmonster that I ignored like the plague.

“I’ve been better. Thank you for coming to help. There’s a room in the back that has a ton of things already packed up that need to be loaded. Addie’s in the kitchen with Mina, whom I just met today and is freaking awesome, packing up his kitchen. The rest of the guys are breaking down furniture and doing stuff with screws and bolts or something.”

Spinning around, I turn to hightail it back into the apartment, but Alex’s voice stops me. “Haddie, wait a second.”

My shoulders inch up to my ears as I turn back to face them, slower this time. I don’t think I’m ready to hear what they have to say. Not right now. A lecture is going to send me over the edge. They move closer to me, Jonathon bumping his fists at his sides like he’s nervous and looking anywhere but at me.

“Yeah? We really need to get in there.”

“Haddie, just… listen for a minute. We’re really sorry for what happened at dinner,” Alex says softly.

I raise my brow, waiting for more. There has to be more than that because, well, because I said so.

“Not just for that,” Matthew adds. “Beau was right with what he said to us. We’ve seen how mo–” I suck in a breath and he stops himself, then corrects the ‘mom’. “Debbie treats you, especially when dad isn’t around.”

“And Bamber,” I add, narrowing my eyes at him.

Jonathon snorts out a laugh. “And Bamber. We all had a pretty big argument with them at the last dinner when you didn’t show up. Dad bitched that you didn’t come and we all sort of lost it.”

Matthew cuts in. “We can’t change the past, but we won’t let it keep happening. Will you forgive us?”

“Please?” Alex asks, giving me a sad puppy face.

I hear a loud grunt and bang behind me and with a peek over my shoulder; I see Beau and his friend Ethan carrying out Marcus’s couch. That guy is seriously a tatted-up beast, but when he walked in holding Mina’s hand, he was all hearts and oozing love. Super cute.

Beau looks between me and my brothers, then calls out, “You all good out here?” There’s a hint of warning in his voice for my brothers and there’s no stopping my grin.

“All good, Cap,” I reassure him.

With a quick nod, he continues his careful descent down a few stairs to the back of the truck, where I guess we’re going to start loading the big stuff.

Facing my brothers again, I sigh and let my body relax. “Look, let’s just put it behind us. I accept your apology, but I’m still going to be angry because I am angry. Right now, though, I need to focus on this,” I say, holding my hand out toward the apartment. “I truly am so appreciative that you three came over to help. It really means a lot to me.”

The men who avoid feelings like they’re the devil quickly nod and move past me to get started. Alex stops next to me and leans down to give me a fast, one-armed hug. “Thanks, Haddie. We’ll be better.”

“Thank you,” I mumble.

Shaking off the moment, I gather myself and follow them back inside. Taking a look around, I’m thrilled about the amount of progress we’ve made already. I honestly think we can finish this with two trips. Marcus never really had a lot, and with the cleaning that Beau and I did earlier, it truly is practically move out ready.

It’s bittersweet to see all his stuff disappearing like this, but I know that being home with his parents is the best place for him. I wish he would come to stay with me, I truly do, but I know that it’ll take more than just me to get us all through this. I’m determined to be there every fucking step of the way, though. He’ll probably need chemo or radiation, and pills and treatments. Even if I sympathy puke, I’ll suck it up and do it with a goddamn smile on my face.

It’s funny to watch as the red headed, fully bearded mountain man Max runs up behind Mina, who’s standing on the kitchen counter, and worries over her risk of falling to the ground. She shoos him away, ignoring his hands on her waist as she reaches up to the top cupboard to grab whatever Marcus has stored up there.

“I’ll catch her, Max,” I tease, stepping up next to him. “If you need to get back to what you were doing.”

Frowning down at me, he shakes his head. “No way, you’re just as small as her. You’ll both break.”

I can’t stop the giggle over how worried he seems, and he gives me an embarrassed half smile. “What were you doing? I’ll get that done while you catch your damsel in distress.”

“Don’t egg him on!” Mina calls, giggling with me.

“Boxes over there need to go out,” he rumbles, never taking his eyes off his girlfriend’s ass. He tilts his head to the left of us.

With a pat to his shoulder, I find the boxes and pick up the top one, hauling it outside. Every box and table that gets stacked into the beds of all these trucks eases my worry that we may not get this done in time for the O’Brien’s. I’m so fucking happy that we are able to make this happen for them.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Five hours. That’s how long it took us to move Marcus’s entire life out of an 800 square-foot apartment.

Standing in front of the filled garage of his childhood, I swallow back how upset I’m feeling over this change. I fucking hate it. I hate this.

I hate change.

I hate cancer.

I hate that my best friend has been suffering, and I had no fucking idea.

Why didn’t he say anything?

I know he was scared, but it’s so hard to accept that he hid this from everyone for so long. A simple phone call to his doctor could have resolved this well before it got to where he was missing half of his blood. Yeah, found that little tidbit out, and I think that scared me just as much as the ‘C’ word. Why was he missing blood? I don’t understand, but I also don’t want to bug his parents with questions while they’re just trying to make it through each day.

Beau and I thanked everyone profusely for all their help today. My brothers really stepped up and dove right in until the moment everything was done. I gave them all extra-long hugs, along with promises to call them later with updates. Matthew mentioned that he’d let dad know what was going on, which I appreciate because although I’m not ready to talk to him, he should know. Our families were close with each other for a long time.

The friends who Beau asked to come help were absolutely wonderful. I was able to chat with Vince and Max a bit. Ethan mainly grunted and made other noises with a random word here and there, but Mina is delightful. We exchanged numbers before they left, and I think Addie got her number as well. Yay for new friends!

Warm arms circle around my waist from behind, and I feel Beau’s lips press against the side of my neck before he settles his chin on my shoulder.

“Ready to go in there, baby? I think they’ve got him up to his room now.” His voice is low and the vibrations against my back soothe my soul. It eases something in me, like I don’t have to face this alone and he’s right here with me.

Seeing Marcus outside of the hospital, where everyone always looks sick, was a shock to my system. I suck in a quick breath and turn in his arms, pushing my face into his chest. “He looks so bad, Beau. So bad. I…” I gulp against the knot in my throat and push through it. “I think it’s a lot worse than what they’re hoping for.”

I wish Beau would tell me I was wrong, but he doesn’t. His sympathetic sigh tells me he sees it, too.

“Look at me, happy girl.”

I shake my head, refusing to pull away. I don’t want to look at him because I don’t want to see the truth of my fears written all over his face.

“Happy,” he urges, but still… I just can’t.

“I don’t want to,” I cry into his shirt. His chest vibrates with a low rumble of laughter. Cupping my face, he pulls my head back to look up at him. When he sees that I’ve got my eyes squeezed shut, he barks out a laugh.

“Sweetheart, please. Give me your eyes because I want you to hear what I’m about to say to you.”

I keep myself from sobbing and before I open my eyes, I plead, “I’ll look at you, but I need you to tell me my friend isn’t going to die, Beau. I need you to tell me that.” My words are choked and I’m desperate for him to promise me this.

“Happy,” he whispers, this time with urgency.

Finally, I slowly peer up at him and release a cry when I see it. I see it all over his face. The truth I don’t want to believe.

“Baby, we don’t know what’s going to happen. But what we do know is that your best friend is upstairs waiting to spend time with you. Go hang out. Go make jokes or watch a movie. Hell, just sit with him. But spend this time with him. It’ll be good for both of you.”

Digging my teeth into my lower lip to stop it from wobbling, I ask, “You’re not leaving, right? You’ll still be here?”

With a kiss on my forehead, he promises, “I’ll stay with his parents. I’m sure they’ve got some stuff they could use a hand with. Take all the time you want; I’m not going anywhere.”

Pushing up to my toes, I slam my mouth onto his. He grips my arms, then quickly wraps his own around me, pulling me closer. It’s hot and aggressive, exactly what I need to pull myself out of this pit of hell that I feel like I’m falling into.

“Thank you, Beau,” I whisper.

“Captain,” he teases, and that little joke melts my heart.

Giggling, I pull away. “My apologies, Captain.”

I don’t remember the walk up to his room. As I open the door to Marcus’s bedroom, I ignore his frail body and pale skin. Instead, I focus on how his eyes light up when he sees me. That’s what I’m going to concentrate on because Marcus is there, all of him, right there in that glimpse of happiness when he looks at me.

“Well, my friend, you’re quite the asshole, you know that?”

I refuse to give him anything other than the Haddie he’s known since we were in diapers.

“Finally! My God, my parents are going to drive me insane. I need you to come over here as often as possible and save me from the doting pats to my face and my dad doing that whole manly shoulder punch. Poor guy doesn’t do well in these sorts of situations.” Marcus seems happy now that he’s home, and he relaxes into his pillow as he jokes about his parents.

Crawling onto the bed, I shimmy my way over next to him, so the sides of our bodies are pressed against each other.

“Poor Daddy O’Brien,” I tease. “And what do you mean, ‘these sorts of situations’? What, he doesn’t know how to deal with the whole cancer thing?”

Snickering, he shakes his head. “Turns out, it’s new to all of us.”

We’re both quiet for a minute, trying to pretend that we’re okay with what’s going on, but I can’t stop myself when I feel my frustration building. “I’m so angry at you, Marcus! Like, I’m going to freaking make you pay for so many friend-dates when you’re done beating this thing! Because this is absolute bullshit.”

Marcus swallows and nods his head once. “I’ll get you all the fru-fru coffee you want.” Then he looks away. “I know you’re angry at me and I don’t have an excuse other than to say, I was just fucking scared.”

“Why did you wait?” I need to know the answer.

His breathing is heavy as he considers my question. “I… I don’t know. Besides being scared, I knew I’d have to pay the piper eventually.”

Frowning at his words, I try to make sense of them. Pay the piper? “I don’t know what that means.”

“Do you want to watch a movie?” he asks, completely changing the subject.

“Not yet. What do you mean you knew you’d have to pay the piper?”

Marcus tilts his head, confused by my question. “What am I supposed to pay him?”

“You said you had to pay the piper.” I can’t stop the frustration from crossing my face as I repeat myself. Then my heart sinks into my stomach when he blinks a few times and looks at his TV while he picks up the remote.

“Want to watch Anchorman?”

“Yeah,” I murmur slowly, now studying his profile as he flips through the menu to find one of our favorite movies. He’s probably exhausted after spending so many days in the hospital, plus the surgery and the trip home. All of it must have drained him.

Brushing off his confusion, I settle in next to him when the intro to the movie begins. I’m relieved that he stays awake throughout the entire thing. My worry over his memory completely dissipates the further along we get into it, both saying the lines of our favorite parts. He nails every single one of them.

I love every second of it and I’m disappointed when the movie comes to an end. Sighing, I lean back and roll my head back to face my friend. He looks exhausted and I know it’s time for me to go home.

“Can I come see you tomorrow?” I ask him, not ready to leave, but knowing I have to.

“Please. Bring snacks too because my mom has already started making this whole notebook of all the things I should be eating. I’m going to starve if I have to eat in all the food pyramid categories.”

Giggling, I wrap my arm over his stomach and hug him. “Got it. I’ll bring all the candy and chips I can manage to fit in a well-disguised bag. She’ll never suspect a thing.”

“Thank God,” he moans, patting the back of my hand and closing his eyes.

“Get some sleep, podmate. I love you more than Ron Burgundy loves whiskey.”

Marcus is quiet for a moment, and I worry that he’s already fallen asleep. When a slow smile spreads across his face, my heart rate picks up. “Got it,” he says, leaving me hanging.

“Got what?”

“The best one.” Cracking an eye open, he looks at me, his smile broad and almost cocky, like he knows he’s about to win. “I love you more than Brick loves lamp.”

I explode, laughing into his shoulder. His shaking body as he laughs is so jittery that he almost bounces me off of him. Wiping away a stray tear, I sit up and smile down at where he’s laying against his pillow.

“Best one ever. Well played, my friend. Well played.”

I lean down and give him another hug before moving off the bed. His sleepy voice teases, “I’ve got lots of time to come up with more. Be prepared to bring your A-game.”

Tapping the side of my nose, I throw him a wink. “I’ll be prepared. Get some rest and I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Night, Harry,” he mumbles, already falling into a much-needed sleep.

“Night, Marcus,” I whisper into the room and shut the door behind me.

I wait outside his room for a few minutes to collect myself, then make my way downstairs. I’m ready to go home because I’ve got some serious research to do tonight.

Chapter 25

Waiting is the Worst

Haddie

When I went to work yesterday to talk to my boss, I decided to ask for the rest of the week off. Never once in all the time I’ve worked there have I taken a last-minute vacation. The few I have taken were planned well ahead of time and approved after I ensured that they’d have plenty of staff to cover my responsibilities. They were happy to accommodate my emergency.

Right now, I’m curled in the middle of Beau’s bed, wrapped around him like a fucking parasite, and don’t want to be anywhere else. The feel of his bare legs intertwined with mine, his weight pinning me down to the bed, is heaven. It’s like I can live in a fantasy land where it’s only him and me, naked, snuggled, and if the hardness against my thigh is any indication, quite a bit turned on.

Sex is still new to me, and I can’t help but question if I should instigate. The worry that he’s not in the mood or he thinks I’m being silly is tickling at the back of my mind, but honestly? I really want to put his cock in my mouth.

It’s. Right. There.

Beau is still lightly snoring next to me, so I know that his hard on is a result of morning wood combined with my light, accidental bumps up against him. We got home so late last night that we only had enough energy to shower and fall into bed in our towels, now wadded up somewhere at the foot of the bed.

I woke with my fingers idly playing with the sparse hair on his chest. When my brain was functional, I slid my hand down the little trail of hair leading to the glorious piece of him lying hard and pulsing against his lower stomach.

His skin is heated, and when my hand touches his stomach, his muscles clench from the contact. Biting the inside of my cheek, I glance up at him and reassure myself that he’s still asleep. That spot between his eyebrows is completely relaxed, and he’s at peace. Not for long, Captain Thor.

Trailing my fingers lower, I graze the skin just above where his cock is resting and giggle when I feel his hand wrap around mine. He doesn’t stop me. Instead, he moves my hand lower and guides me to wrap my fingers around his shaft and squeezes along with me.

We both release our held breaths at the same. I can feel him in my palm, scorching my skin and throbbing. I tucked my head against his shoulder, so he lets my hand go and reaches up to thread his fingers through my loose hair, then grips it by the root to tilt my head toward him.

Turning his face, he brushes his lips across mine and mumbles, “Morning, baby.”

“Morning,” I whisper back, stroking him slowly and enjoying this feeling of giddiness when he groans just before greeting me properly. Gripping him and sliding my hand up and down his length drives our kiss into desperate wanting. We sink into our own world of lust and touch. No thought required.

Just as I move away to slide my body lower, holding him tighter in my hand as my breath fans across the tip, the ringing of my phone pops our bubble. Beau’s hand hasn’t released my hair, and he tightens his fingers marginally, pleading with me to not stop. His eyes are hooded and heated and my tongue darts out to taste the flavor of his kiss on my lips.

“Please, baby…” His voice trails off on a loud moan when I swipe my tongue over the drop of pre-cum that decorates the tip of his head. My phone can wait. His flavor is unique and slightly musky. I want more.

Wrapping my mouth around his head, I roll my tongue along the underside, tracing a path down to the base while I continue to stroke him. Shifting, I lay between his legs as I worship him, running my tongue up and down his length. Each time taking a moment to sink him inside my mouth, tasting more of his flavor as he hardens further.

Holding my face, and running his hand through my hair without thought, he bucks slowly up, driving himself further into my mouth. I grin to myself when he starts to lose a bit of that control he holds onto so tightly.

“Happy,” he breathes out, pushing himself up on one elbow as he brushes the hair from my face. “Christ, baby, that feels so fucking good. Keep going for me,” he begs. Nodding quickly, I pull him into my mouth again, this time allowing his thrust to control the depth.

With my free hand, I press his hand to my head tighter, silently giving him permission to take control. I need this. This distraction to just focus on him and nothing else. A distraction from my real life worries and obligations over things I can’t control. This, this I can control. I can give him my mouth and my body, surrendering to our pleasure.

“More,” I murmur when I pull back to take a deep breath, then take him again. Beau takes over and holds me steady as he thrusts into my mouth, controlling the angle and depth I take him. I simply close my eyes and live in this bliss, swallowing against him to drink him in.

“Baby, I’m going to come. You want to swallow me, or should I pull back?” His words are choppy, like he’s trying his best to give me a chance to answer.

Digging my nails into his hips, I hold him to me in answer and moan again. He speeds up, then releases against my tongue. Pulse after pulse of his flavor pours into me, and I keep sucking and swallowing until his cock is softening, twitching from each stroke of my tongue.

I giggle when he wrenches me away from him, then tugs me up his body. “Too sensitive,” he pants. I lay my head against his chest, my body connected to every part of him as he runs his hands up and down my back. “Give me a second, then I’m going to devour your pussy until you can’t walk straight.”

“Mmm, promises,” I murmur, perfectly content to stay right here even though I am dripping for him. “Blowjobs are hot, just saying.”

Rumbling out a laugh, he hugs me tighter to him. “That they are. Fuck, that was amazing.”

“I think–” The ringing of my phone cuts me off and this time we both look where it’s lit up, lying next to his on the nightstand. “That’s two calls. I need to answer it.”

Groaning, he reaches over and picks it up before handing it to me. “You can answer, but don’t go anywhere. I want to keep you like this forever.”

My chest pounds when he says forever and I’m tempted to ask if he’s really thinking he wants that, because I definitely like how that sounds. Taking my phone from him, I lean my head against his chest again and swipe the answer button, putting the phone to my ear.

“Hello?”

“Haddie, honey. I’m so sorry to call you again so soon. I… we need to take Marcus back to the hospital. But he’s upstairs and his dad and I can’t get him to focus long enough to walk down with us. I don’t think we need an ambulance, but I think we need help to get him to the car.” Mrs. O’Brien’s voice is filled with panic, causing me to jerk upright. I straddle Beau’s waist as I stare at nothing on his far wall.

“We’ll come right now, Momma B. Why does he need to go to the hospital?” I feel Beau’s hand tap my thigh to move, so I let my body fall to the side, not letting go of my phone gripped in my fist. I barely notice him yanking some jeans on, then a shirt until he tosses my clothes at me. Looking down at them blankly, I continue to listen as she fills me in.

“We don’t know what’s happening. Last night, he slept great. Only needed to get up a couple times for the bathroom. Then, when he woke this morning, he was talking about a few things that didn’t make any sense. He mentioned something about sea turtles and needing to make sure they stay out of the road. We figured it was just because he wasn’t quite awake. But now, he’s not able to do what we ask him to. I tried to get him to take a drink out of a straw, but he kept trying to pour it into his hand. Haddie, his words are sort of jumbled, and it’s a bit hard to understand him.”

My mind is racing as I remember last night when he made the odd statement about paying the piper and forgetting he ever said it. This causes me to jolt upright and scramble off the bed, dropping my phone after swapping it to speaker so I can dress.

“I’m getting dressed now. I’m assuming you called the doctor. What did they say?”

My heart breaks when I hear her choke back a sob and my eyes fly to where Beau’s standing, ready to go, and staring at me like a sentry guard ready for his next orders.

“They are concerned it could be a stroke from the surgery. But that doesn’t make sense because it’s been five days. Maybe his medications? They said we should bring him in just in case.”

“Okay. Listen, I’m going to hang up. We’ll be there soon. Hang in there, momma. It’ll be o-okay.” My voice cracks, knowing that I’m not entirely sure I’m being honest.

“See you soon. Thank you for coming. I didn’t know who else to call.”

I feel terrible, but I brush aside her tears as I quickly say goodbye and hang up the phone, then look at my boyfriend. We’re both frozen until I release a strangled cry and he rushes to my side. Hauling me up his body, I wrap my legs around his waist and let him hold me.

“We’ll get through this, Happy. I’ll get you through this. Let’s just go, help out however we can, and see what’s going on. No reason to focus on what we don’t know. Okay, baby?”

“I can’t lose him, Beau!” I sob out. I just can’t. There’s no world that’s good without him here with me. He’s my favorite person in the whole world. My lifeline. My person.

He presses a kiss to the side of my face with a sigh. “I know, baby. I know.” He holds me for another few moments while I have a mini breakdown.

A sense of panic rushes over me, and I wiggle out of his hold. “We need to go.”

He doesn’t fully release me, not before he bends me backwards and takes my mouth with an urgent need to tell me it’ll be alright. It’s all his words without saying them and I know, right at this moment, Beau is telling me he loves me.

The moment he’s done, he looks into my eyes like he wants an answer to the question he just asked. I have no words… that doesn’t happen a lot to me. Swallowing hard, he gives me a firm nod, then pulls us from the room, apparently satisfied with whatever he read on my face.

I barely notice the time we take to drive over to Momma B’s house. I’m totally engrossed in the thoughts that are bouncing back and forth between that kiss and what’s happening to Marcus.

Once we park, I’m shooting out of the car and racing inside, up to Marcus’s bedroom, where I’m immediately stopped by what I see. His mom is sitting on the bed next to him, quietly imploring him to take a drink of the shake she’s gripping with white knuckles. Marcus is lying on his side, facing the door, but not looking at anything in particular. And he looks just plain sad.

I feel Beau’s heat behind me, reinforced when his hand spreads across my lower back, urging me gently to step forward into the room. “Marcus?” I call out quietly then blow out a breath in relief when his eyes slide over to where I’m standing.

“Harry,” he mumbles out, but it’s not entirely clear. Flicking a look up at his mom, she gives me a helpless smile, like she knows that something is happening to her son.

“Hey, best friend,” I say, forcing a smile when I look back at him. I quickly make my way to the opposite side of where she’s sitting and ease my body down so that Marcus can see me better. There’s no stopping my hand from reaching out to stroke his hair back from his face. “How are you feeling today?”

His brows furrow just before he looks at his mom for an explanation. She pats his shoulder before standing. “He’s got a bit of a headache this morning. We’ve been trying to get him to take these.” She holds out her hand with some little blue tablets. “But he’s having a tough time getting them down. Maybe he’ll let you help him with that? I want to run and change my clothes before we go.”

Nodding at her, I let her drop the pills into my hand without taking my eyes away from Marcus. I keep my voice gentle when I ask, “Want to try to sit up and take these, Marcus? I can help you.”

“My head hurts, Harry.”

Blinking back tears, I peek over at Beau, who’s squatting down next to us, holding the meal replacement drink Mrs. O’Brien must have handed him on the way out. I feel him reach around and ground me with his hand, wrapping around my calf. Turning back to Marcus, I give him a watery smile.

“I know, honey. Can you try to take a drink for me? It’ll make you feel better, I’m sure of it.” I know I’m begging, but I’m desperate for him to do something that would make it feel like our world isn’t ending right at this moment.

He doesn’t move to sit up, and he doesn’t answer my question. Instead, he continues to run his eyes over my face, breaking my heart in the process. “I don’t understand what’s happening.”

Sucking a sob that tries to work its way out of me, I shake my head and lean down to kiss him on the cheek. My tears are finding their way out, but I quickly swipe them away, along with the one that falls on Marcus’s cheek. “I know you don’t understand. But it’ll be okay, I swear it. We’re going to take you to the hospital in a few minutes. They’ll make you feel all better.”

My words are false, even to my own ears. I watch as a single tear runs down his nose and drips off the end onto his pillow. His eyes haven’t wavered from mine. Unmoving, he doesn’t react to where my hand is holding his. “I don’t know what’s going on,” he pleads again, another tear quickly replacing the one that soaked into the pillow.

I feel Beau’s hand grip my calf harder and I look over at him. His eyes are glassy; sorrow pouring off of him as he watches me try to reassure my friend that everything’s going to be okay. With a subtle shake of my head, I plead with him to help me out here. Blowing out a breath, he fortifies his own emotions before leaning down and resting his hand on Marcus’s shoulder. My podmate doesn’t register it, still staring at me, begging me to tell him what’s happening to him.

“Hey, man. You ready to get up and go downstairs?”

Finally, Marcus looks up at him. “Why?”

I go to try to explain again, but his parents come into the room, dressed and keys in hand. “Are we ready to go?” Mr. O’Brien asks. He’s always been a quiet man, so it crushes me to hear his voice waver while trying to stay strong for his son and wife.

I slip off the bed, letting my hand slide from Marcus’s as I step back to allow Mr. O’Brien to try to coerce Marcus to get up from the bed. My best friend is a stubborn little shit and is getting irritated with the two of them.

Eventually, Beau looks down at him, then asks everyone in the room, “Any of you have a problem if I just pick him up? Marcus, are you alright with that?”

He doesn’t answer him, just looks back into the distance like he can’t be bothered with what’s going on around him. With his parents’ permission, Beau quickly shifts Marcus around and lifts him into his arms.

Seeing the two of them like this really makes it hit home how frail he is now. How unhealthy his weight is. Beau doesn’t struggle at all as he carries him down the stairs and out to their vehicle. Marcus is pissed and struggling a bit, but Beau whispers calming words in his ear. They seem to do the trick as he settles into the front and curls up into a ball as best he can.

Shutting the door, Beau spins around and grabs my hand, tugging me to his car and helps me inside, practically lifting me onto the seat. I think he’s as overcome as I am as we both ride to the hospital behind their car, silently gripping each other’s hands. When we make it to the emergency room, they rush Marcus into the back with his parents quickly following. The staff told me that they’re only allowing a limited number of people in the rooms, so we have to wait in the waiting room.

Wait, wait, wait.

That’s all we’re doing. Waiting for word on what’s happening and what the plan is. Beau, bless his heart, has been doing his best looking up awful jokes and making me laugh.

Snorting at the last one he shared, I look over at where he’s squeezed into an uncomfortable chair, two sizes too large for the seat. “You’re terrible at these! What the hell site did you go to?”

Frowning down at his phone, he squints to read the web page. “I dunno. It’s some dad joke link I clicked on. They’re pretty bad.”

Giggling, I cover my mouth when the nurse behind the counter looks up at us. “Pretty bad is an understatement. I need you to send me the link. These are epic!”

“Anything to keep that smile on your face, happy girl,” he teases, throwing one of those sexy as fuck winks in my direction.

We both look at the other side of the room when we hear the doors burst open. Mrs. O’Brien comes running out of the back, breathing heavily as she chokes on sob after sob. Her husband is behind her seconds later and I jolt to my feet, wanting to rush over to them. Beau’s hand on my arm keeps me in place while I vibrate with tension, desperate to know what’s happening. A man in a white coat is behind them and he guides them to one of the private rooms off to the side.

Just before they step inside, I can’t stop myself from crying out, “Momma B?”

She jerks her head in my direction, then says something to her husband and the doctor before moving toward me. This time, Beau doesn’t stop me as I run toward her, meeting her halfway.

“What’s happening?” I spit out, watching as her face crumples.

“Oh Haddie. It-it’s not good, honey.” Her eyes are bouncing back and forth across mine, and I stay silent, rigid, waiting for the news.

When she says nothing, I whisper, “Please, momma… tell me?”

With a quick glance at Beau standing by my side, she swallows hard. “They took him back for an MRI to see what we were dealing with. He was supposed to get it on Friday, but they don’t have a bed for him right now, so they decided to use the time, and get it done while we wait. He…” she chokes, and tries again. “He has cancer everywhere. It’s in every single one of his organs. The d-doctor said he has never seen someone with so much cancer in their body.”

A white haze covers the area around Mrs. O’Brien, and the rushing of blood interrupts my hearing as it races through my body. But she keeps talking.

“Th-They said that there is no quality of life for him, and it’ll just be a matter of days, maybe a week, before we lose him. W-We have to decide if we’re g-going to sign a DNR. They said it’s just a m-matter of making him comfortable.”

My mouth is dry as I try to process what she’s telling me. What the fuck do they mean there’s no quality of life for him? HE HAS SKIN CANCER!

Beau’s hand is rubbing along my back, realizing I can’t say anything right now. Clearing his throat, he asks, “So what happens now?”

With a trembling lip, she looks at the man standing next to me. “They’re working on transferring him up to the larger hospital in the next town over to the cancer wing. Th-They said that we have to meet with hospice care.” Looking back at me, I stand unmoving when she throws her arms around me and sobs. “I’m sorry. I have to go in there. You should go home for a bit and get some rest. I’ll-I’ll call you and let you know where he’s at when we get him settled.”

I can only nod and hold on to her as tight as my arms will allow. Finally, I’m able to croak out, “I love you.”

Pulling back, Momma B cups my face, ignoring both her tears and mine as they fall freely. “I love you too, so much, baby girl.” With a kiss to my cheek, she looks at me once more before pulling away, hurrying back to where her husband and the doctor wait for her.

No quality of life.

Just a matter of days.

Chapter 26

Sinking

Haddie

Stepping into the shower, I slide the door shut quickly to keep the cool air out. Then I slide my arms around Beau and lay my head in the center of his back. He is so comfortable that I have to force myself to keep my eyes open.

He hasn’t stopped washing himself since I stepped in, just shifted to give me room. Which, when you think about it, is super fucking amazing. It’s like I haven’t disrupted his life, I’ve just melded into it. He doesn’t slow down; he just gives me a little space.

Tilting my head down, I pause when I see… “Christ Cap, you’ve got a fine ass.”

Beau’s body begins to shake with laughter, but my eyes don’t move away. I have to touch it. I pout when I’ve barely grazed my finger over the firm globe when he turns around to face me.

“As much as I’d love to stand here and let you admire my ass all morning, I want to drop you off before I have to be in for my meeting.”

He tucks a finger under my chin so I will look at him rather than his cock. Because that’s what’s on the opposite side of his body from his ass. His long, delicious, thick cock. I have to touch it.

“I’ve corrupted you,” he chuckles, pulling me against him.

“Your penis corrupted me. You’re trying to drag me away from it and into the land of responsibilities. I’m a little angry at your entire body except your cock… and your ass. I’m not mad at that either. If your tongue wishes to participate, I’ll forgive it, too.”

With a low groan, he holds me tighter against him. “Fuck.” Swooping down, he kisses me hard and nips my lip in punishment for teasing him. “Tonight. Tonight, I’m going to fuck this body.” He slides his hand between my legs and drags his fingers through my pussy to stress his point. He groans again before moving me directly under the spray of the shower.

“I’m going to be mad at you all day. Just… be prepared for that,” I warn, then sigh as I let the heat of the pulsing spray beat down on my tense muscles. “But God, this feels almost as good. Go away, I need to shower.”

With a laugh, he steps out and I take my time washing my hair and body, not thinking about how freaking awful today is going to be. Once I’m out, Beau and I move silently between the bathroom and his bedroom in companionable silence while we both get ready. Then, we’re on the road before the clock hits eight am.

I’m anxious to get to the hospital. I know where I’m going, so I don’t need to waste time trying to ask someone for information on Marcus. His parents got him transferred to the new hospital, which is only an extra twenty-minute drive. Beau took me over late last night so I could say goodnight and make sure his mom and dad had everything they needed for the long night ahead of them.

My heart is breaking for the two of them. Watching and waiting for your child to pass away has got to be the most horrific moment of any parent’s life. Just the thought makes bile rise in the back of my throat. I appreciate them so much for allowing me to be involved in this private moment with them. They’ve always treated me like one of their own and the fact that they have kept me included the entire time means more to me than they’ll ever know.

Beau parks in front of the entrance and lets his car idle as he leans over to give me a much less heated kiss goodbye. This one is more comforting, and I’m already blinking back tears when I reach for the handle to get out of the car.

“Happy,” Beau calls to me, his voice quiet and filled with understanding.

When I look back at him, his eyes are studying me to see where my head is at. My smile is brittle, but I’m able to keep it there.

His smile is warm when his eyes soften. “We’ll get through this, baby. I won’t be long at my meeting and I’ll be back here right away. Text me if you need anything between now and then. I’ll even buy you snacks.”

My giggle is watery, and this time my smile is honest. Quickly moving forward, I kiss his chin. “I think I need a cupcake.”

With a sharp nod and a chin lift for me to get out of the car, he hurries me off. “Cupcake it is.”

As I get out, I lean my head down before I shut the door and tell him, “Thanks for being incredible. You’re incredible, do you know that? Best boyfriend I’ve ever had.”

With a snort, he waves off my compliment. “I’m the only one you’ve had, but I like that I have that claim. Now go. Let me know how things are going when you get up there.”

“Bye, Cap,” I whisper, then shut the door. I wait until he’s pulled away before I turn and look up at the massive building, anxious to get in there, but also not ready to take that step inside.

One foot in front of the other. Beau will be here soon. Marcus is upstairs.

With that unhelpful little pep talk, I repeat it in my head as I ignore everyone passing me in the hall. Until I find myself knocking quietly on the door to Marcus’s assigned room. The door is cracked, and I can hear movement, so I peek my head in and find both Momma B and Mr. O’Brien sitting inside.

Mr. O’Brien is leaning back in his chair with his head leaned against the wall, eyes locked on Marcus, who’s sleeping in the bed. My eyes fill again when I find Momma B asleep next to my friend. Her head is laid on the bed near his knee and his hand is gripped under hers.

She doesn’t move as I come in closer to check on Marcus. He doesn’t seem to have changed much since last night. There’s no tension in his face, and he’s actually snoring. Snoring like he hasn’t a care in the world where he’s at right now.

“He had a good night.” Looking back, I take in Mr. O’Brien’s haggard face. My breath blows out in a whoosh. I stroke my finger down the side of Marcus’s face, but he doesn’t react to my touch, then tiptoe to the empty chair and settle in next to my second dad.

Leaning my head on his shoulder, we both sit in silence and watch the two of them sleep. “How are you doing?” I whisper, not commenting on his quick intake of breath.

I can hear his teeth grinding as he works through his feelings, trying to answer. My eyes close in pain when he admits softly, “I can’t fix him. I can’t fix him for her.” His head tilts toward his wife. “It’s not right. A mother should never have to bury her child.”

Sniffing, I try my best to rein in my emotions so I can be here for him as he shares what he views as his failure. “Neither should a father,” I tell him. His body shakes, silently crying over my words. I have literally never seen this man cry.

“I just have to tell myself that this isn’t forever. I have to believe that there’s something after all this because I can’t imagine the thought that we’ll never see him again. Heaven sounds like a good place for that boy.” His voice cracks at the end, causing Mrs. B to stir where she’s been lying for God knows how long.

Hiccupping back a cry, I nod my head rapidly, praying that he’s right. This time, there’s no hiding my tears from him when I whisper, “Heaven seems like the perfect place for him.”

Momma B gets up and stretches her back, taking a moment to straighten up Marcus’s blankets before coming over to us to give me a hug. “Morning, sweet girl.”

“Good morning. You guys want me to go grab you anything? Coffee? Water? I can go get some breakfast from the cafeteria. I’m sure it’s still open, even though their food probably sucks. Powdered eggs are not the breakfast of champions, in my opinion.”

Grinning down at me, she cups my face and thumbs away the tears still on my cheek. “We’re fine, dear. Would you mind terribly if we ran home for about an hour or so? I think we’re both due for a shower and clean clothes.”

“Absolutely. Wait, what should I do? Do I need to know anything?” I look frantically over at Marcus, but he hasn’t moved. He’s still snoring like a trucker. I can’t wait to tease him because that man has always sworn up and down that he doesn’t snore.

I sit up as Mr. O’Brien stands, groaning when his back and knees crack after sitting in the same spot for so long. “The doctors have already been in this morning. He was agitated earlier this morning, so they’ve given him some morphine to help with that. There’s no timeline for this, but call us if anything changes and we’ll come right back.”

“Alright,” I say softly, my eyes locked on my best friend, and I find that I’m afraid to move closer to him. I drag my eyes away to look up at them. “Should I talk to him?”

“Yes, honey. I think that would be lovely.”

My throat closes up when I nod and move over to the chair Momma B vacated. They murmur their goodbyes to the both of us and slip out of the room, leaving me alone with my best friend.

I run my eyes over his features, doing my best to remember every freckle, scar, and wrinkle he has. At this moment, he looks like my Marcus. I can almost ignore everything else and look and watch him like he’s simply sleeping, like the last week hasn’t been a part of our history.

“I should probably say something super sappy and tell you how much I love you and miss you, but I don’t want to. I can’t say goodbye to you, because if I do, then it makes this all so final.”

Looking down at his hand, I run my finger over his knuckles, my mind whirring with thousands of things I want him to know.

“I came up with another book idea,” I blurt out, flicking my eyes up to his face to see if he’ll react to that. He’s always gotten excited about a new, crazy idea, and I try not to let my heart sink when he doesn’t even flinch. Taking a breath, I keep talking.

“The title is still up in the air, but I’m thinking Cock-a-Doodle-Doo.” Snorting out a laugh, I shake my head at myself. “Bet you can guess what it’s about, too. Okay, so get this. I was looking up the mating habits of animals. No, I won’t tell you why I was looking them up, but I was curious. Did you know roosters are assholes?”

I pause, giving him a moment to answer, imagining him laughing and urging me to go on. “They are. Birds in general have a few different practices. Some of them will bring materials for nests, or dance. A lot will bring food to the female they’re trying to woo. Fucking roosters are sneaky little shits, though. When they find a chicken they want, they’ll pretend to set down food on the ground for her. So, when she waddles over to check it out and bends over to eat it, they’ll sneak around behind and mount her.”

Laughing at myself, I lean forward and brace my elbows on his bed, talking directly to him. I honestly think this is one of my favorite ideas so far, and I’d love to hear him laugh and plan it out with me.

“I told Beau about it and he was confused why I’d want to write about a rooster and chicken getting freaky together. I had to explain the concepts of shifters and told him I would have them be able to shift into human form. Then he asked what the point was of making them shifters to begin with. It was a good question, which then gave me the idea to make them squawk when they talked. Like the rooster, who I think I should name Brock because it rhymes with cock, would walk up to her and say, ‘Hey bok-bok-baby, you’re looking mighty fine today’. They could ‘bok’ on all the ‘b’ words.”

Giggling, I shake my head. “I don’t think he realizes how clever I am. He’ll learn, though.”

“I already know you’re clever, happy girl.”

My head jerks up and I’m surprised that time has gone by so quickly. Then I frown over the fact that it’s only been an hour and Beau is already standing in the doorway. “I thought you had a meeting?”

Shrugging, he comes over, kissing me on the top of my head. “I called in and asked if I could participate over the phone. Explained the situation. They were good with it and I just finished up in the parking lot. I actually never left. Where are his parents?”

With a sigh, I lean back, never letting go of Marcus’s hand. “They ran home to shower and change. They should be back soon.”

He looks at Marcus and asks, “How’s he doing?”

“They gave him some medicine to keep him comfortable,” I share, not sure what else to say. What else is there to say?

Cocking his head to the side, his mouth tries to pull up in a smile. “He’s snoring.”

“Hush, don’t let him hear that accusation. He’ll deny it until his dying breath…” I trail off, realizing what I’ve said and widen my eyes at Beau.

Brushing off my slip of the tongue, he chuckles while running his hand over my head. “I’ll never tell a soul. Want me in here with you until they come back? Or should I wait outside, give you some time alone?”

“Stay, please,” I beg. It’s easier to talk when I don’t only have the sound of my voice to keep me company. Without another word, Beau drags a chair next to me. Once he’s settled, I can feel him studying my profile.

“Tell me stories about the two of you.”

Grinning at my best friend, I share story after story with the man I’m certain I’ve fallen in love with, about the man who’s had my heart since before I can remember.

Each story flows into the next while Beau laughs at the funniest parts with me. I fall for him even harder as he tries to hide when he wipes a tear away, but his smile never falls from his face. He’s here for me as I tell him about the pranks we played on my sister and brothers. A couple of nurses come in to check his vitals, but I just keep talking. I don’t mind when they stick around and learn all about the man they’ve been caring for since last night.

Mr. and Mrs. O’Brien slip back into the room after an hour passes, and the two of them join in with the tears I’ve got them all chuckling through. It’s a somber mood, but also beautiful. I love that I have this opportunity to share parts of Marcus with people who haven’t had a chance to know him like only a few of us do.

When Beau asks Momma B a question about how she reacted when she found out that Marcus and I had stolen all of her left socks, I glance down again at my friend. I can’t process what seems different, so I narrow my eyes, trying to make my brain register what I’m seeing. Then dawning horror slams into me and I suck in a breath.

“He’s not breathing…”

My words silence everyone. Then, with a cry, Momma B shoots to her feet to bend over her son. “Marcus?” she cries, and all I can feel are chills running down my body.

The nurses have us move back quickly so they can have us all out of the way. Beau slips his arms around me and physically moves me away from the bed so they can focus on stopping my world from ending.

The sounds of voices and machines, Mr. O’Brien’s sob of “Oh God,” and orders from staff all become white noise as I stare down at the bed. At my friend slipping away from me. As much as I want to stay in here, I know I need to leave. His parents don’t need to hear me losing myself while they’re suffering. Turning my face into Beau’s chest, I realize he’s trembling behind me.

“We need to get out of here,” I whisper to him.

Beau picks me up like I weigh nothing and weaves us out of the room, trying to stay out of the way as more bodies flow into the room. The moment we’re out and in the spacious waiting room, the noise all stops. All I can hear is my heavy breathing and the pounding of Beau’s heart against my ear. Setting me down to my feet, he keeps his arms circled around me as I wrap my head around what just happened.

“Baby…” he says, trailing off, unsure what to say.

Then I hear Momma B’s agonized cry, cutting through the silence and ripping apart my heart. I sink to my knees with a strangled scream burning my throat. Feeling nothing but hurt and Beau’s arms as he sinks down with me, never letting me go.

Chapter 27

Grief is Real

Beau

You’d think that when someone passes away, there would be a lot that happens afterwards. But there’s this moment where you’re all just together in a waiting room with no direction, and no idea what you should be doing. The whole event is just… final.

Haddie, my happy girl, is irrevocably broken right now. I feel sick over the fact that I can’t take this loss away from her. There’s no making this better. No jokes I can tell her, no distraction I can provide, no bringing Marcus back.

When the O’Brien’s shuffled their feet out of the room, an hour after Marcus passed away, their shoulders were hunched, and they were hanging on to each other. Like they were the only ones who could hold each other up. They’re absolutely devastated, and I find I don’t have the words to express how sorry I am for their loss.

I’m an outsider, not having known Marcus for long. I feel like I don’t belong here and like I have no right to be witness to their most vulnerable heartache, but there’s no way I’m going to walk away. I promised Haddie I’d get her through this, and I’ve never felt more resolved and determined to do just that. It starts right now. Being here for her during this moment is the only place I should be.

Marcus’s parents wrapped her up as they cried together, with me standing slightly away while still gripping her hand. She hasn’t let me go since she collapsed in my arms, my emotions clogging my throat seeing the hurt written all over her face. She was finally able to slide her hand out of mine when they asked her if she wanted a moment to sit with him before they removed his body from the room.

Now, I’m standing in the doorway, watching my girl break again over her best friend’s body as she sobs into his chest. I can’t hear the words she’s whispering, and I refuse to ask what she’s saying. Those words are between the two of them. Intimate words shared between lifelong friends, one who’s left much too soon.

She’s not with him long after she says her goodbyes. Then she’s standing before me, staring up with a look of hopelessness and sorrow, pleading with me to do something.

“Let me take you home, baby.”

She nods, causing the tears to drip down her face faster as she steps into me.

Sighing, I hold her in the doorway and ask, “Do you want to go to your apartment, or can I take you to mine?”

“Yours.” Her voice cracks, but she’s able to answer. “You have a bigger bathtub.”

Chuckling, I rub her back while pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “A bath sounds like the perfect thing right now. Just hang on until then, alright?”

She doesn’t answer but allows me to lead her from the room. Haddie doesn’t look back to where Marcus is lying, and I send thoughts of farewells to him right before we say our goodbyes to his parents. After another round of hugs and promises to be in touch if they need help with anything, we eventually make it to my car.

The ride is silent as Haddie cries silently next to me. I know there’s nothing I can say, but I hate being so tongue-tied right now. At least a long afternoon of holding her is something I can do. I think I need it right now too. That was hard as fuck to be a part of. Witnessing the loss of life is something that stays with you forever.

When Haddie settles in the bath, I send some quick text messages to not only my mom, letting her know what’s going on, but I also text Addie to find out how she’s doing. Haddie spoke to her shortly on the phone while we were waiting for his parents to say goodbye. I also send a group text to her brothers to let them know where Haddie will be for the next few days. One last email to the staff at the library asking them to help with tutoring duties and covering her shift. I only have to wait a few more minutes for her before she’s shuffling out of the bathroom, wrapped in a towel.

I quickly get up and pull the blankets back for her. She doesn’t hesitate to drop the damp material and crawl into bed. Following her in, I cover both of us up, burying our heads to keep the rest of the world out. She turns into me and weaves every limb between mine, pressing her face into my chest. I breathe her in, smiling at the fact that she’s used my shampoo and wash because she smells exactly like me.

With a gentle squeeze, I whisper against her ear, “I’ve got you, baby.”

Then… she breaks.

Her tears soak my chest with her gut-wrenching sobs as she falls apart against me, and all I can do is hold her, promising the world that I want to give her. She cries until her voice is rough and she’s struggling to catch her breath. She cries until she exhausts herself and she falls asleep in my arms. I just hold her. It’s all I can do until the emotionally fueled exhaustion drags me along with her. Neither of us moves, clinging to each other, thankful that at least we have this right now.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Hot, wet heat. I’m consumed by it as I’m dragged out of sleep. It only takes me a moment to focus my mind on the fact that Haddie’s got my cock deep in her throat, laving her tongue across the underside, just below my head. Groaning, I glance down and find her completely invested, worshipping me like she can’t get enough. Jesus Christ, I’m already about to explode.

My head falls back, and I squeeze my eyes shut against the sensation of her lips sliding off with a pop. She brushes them across the tip, then I groan again when she sinks me back inside.

“Fuck, baby…” Trickles of thoughts from earlier today make their way into the haze of lust I’m engulfed in and I sit back up to check on her. “Happy, sweetheart. Are you–”

She pulls away, stroking me as she looks up with puffy, red-rimmed eyes. I open my mouth to tell her we don’t need to start this right now, but she doesn’t let me.

“I need you… I need to feel something.” Understanding her desperate pleas for distraction, I nod my head.

Patting her side, I say, “Turn your body around. I want to eat your pussy.”

Yesterday’s Haddie would have been hesitant or nervous to try something new that we haven’t had a chance to explore yet. But this Haddie, the one that wants to be driven away from the pain she’s feeling, is eager, quickly spinning to settle her body over me.

I slide my tongue across her folds and smile against her flesh when she cries out against my cock. She’s gripping me in her hand and nuzzles against me, enjoying the feel of me tasting her from clit to hole.

Wrapping my arms around her lower body, I pull her closer, enraptured the little rolls of her hips as she grinds against the pressure of my tongue on her nerves. Haddie isn’t one of those girls where you can rub her a couple of times and she orgasms almost immediately. It takes her some time to build up for the main event and I feel like I’ve rocked her world when I get two from her in an evening.

Not now though. I’ve barely had a chance to enjoy her taste on my tongue when she tears her mouth away from me and screams out her release.

Fuck. I can feel her juices covering my mouth, but I don’t stop, wanting more from her. Haddie is back to giving my cock her full attention. I’m so close, but not ready to end this yet. She wants a distraction, wants to feel something, and I plan to help with that. Lifting her hips from my mouth, I displace her mouth from my cock and quickly spin her around to face me. I release a devious chuckle at the surprise on her face over the fact that I’ve pulled her away from swallowing me down.

Her face changes from shock to relief when I yank her over my lap and quickly seat myself deeply inside of her. Pushing her hair from her face, I enjoy the way her eyes roll back when I thrust and grind into her.

“More,” she cries out. She’s not looking at me; her eyes are everywhere except for me and I’m not going to accept that.

“Eyes on me, baby. Don’t go anywhere without me. Understand?” My words come out between gasps of air as I fuck into her. I can feel the shiver racing through her body as she drops her chin down to look at me.

Pain and agony and lust and love are all radiating from her swollen eyes, and I want to take it all away from her. Shoving myself up, I sit with her in my lap to wrap my arms around her, bringing our faces nose to nose.

I don’t look away and neither does she as I rock her against me. We’re fused, unblinking, and breathing against each other. “I have you,” I whisper, then take her lips when her lower one starts trembling.

She sobs brokenly into me and I swallow every cry down as we continue to roll and move together. There’s no place we aren’t connected as our tongues duel and hands roam over the other’s body, gripping and grasping just to feel more.

Her breasts are smashed against my chest as she climbs further up, only to drop her body down harder, forcing me even deeper, hitting her depths with every forceful thrust. She fucking owns me.

Those three words are at the tip of my tongue again, but I swallow them down. I know they’re true, and there’s no doubt deep in my soul that she feels the same. But right now, it’s not the time.

Haddie needs to grieve and expel the restless energy that’s pent up inside of her and I’ll give her the outlet she needs. Tipping her backwards, I don’t let go when I find myself on top of her except to hook an arm under her knee, spreading her further open for me.

“Harder,” she begs me, digging her nails into my ass to tug me closer, deeper into her.

Canting my hips back, I pound into her, driving her toward the end of the bed with every thrust. “Happy gi–”

“Nooo,” she cries out. My throat tightens at the sound of her anguish. “Not happy,” she sobs, shaking her head from side to side. “Not happy right now, but I feel you… I f-feel good.”

Fisting her hair at the back of her head, I wrench her face toward me when she tries to look away, squeezing her eyes shut.

“Open your eyes!” I practically growl, never slowing down as I shove into her. The second I have those beautiful green orbs on me again, I press my forehead against hers. “You’re my fucking Happy. You might not feel it right now, but you are my happy place, my home, and I’ll get you there again. This will pass, love.”

I keep pressing forward as her sobs mix with passion, and fill the room, not stopping until she breaks under me. I recognize I said that four letter word, but I don’t think it registered with her. That’s okay. It’s okay for now.

“We will get through this. I know it’s hard, and you can be angry and sad and fucking pissed, but you’re going to be happy again, goddamnit!”

Yanking myself from her body, I flip her over and shove my knees between her legs to spread her open, and slam inside her again. As I lower my weight across her back, I grind into her and tuck my arms under her body, holding her against me.

My lips find her ear, and I continue making her promises. “Today is the hardest day. Tomorrow will be hard, and a lot of days after that, but today is the hardest one,” I breathe out against her.

I don’t know where my words are coming from, I just know that she needs to hear them. She’s gripping my arm across her upper chest, her nails clawing at me as she cries against my mattress.

“Just feel me. Do you feel how my cock is sliding inside of you? Can you feel my heartbeat against your back? It’s beating for you, happy girl. Only for you. I want you to fucking come for me. Squeeze me tight and scream and cry and yell. I’ll keep fucking you until you beg me to stop.”

With my fingers dug into her skin, I make good on my promise until she starts shaking underneath me. The muscles in her pussy convulse around me as she finally, finally detonates. Her body is tense as she screams out her orgasm, muffled by my wadded-up blankets, and I can’t hold my own back any longer.

With a roar, I slam into her again and hold myself deep as I unload every ounce of cum inside of her. I only take a moment to catch my breath with my head resting on the back of hers, then I pull out, ignoring the rush of fluids that follow me and flip her around.

Tugging her into my arms, I keep her tight against me, and run my fingers over her skin, fascinated by the trail of goosebumps that follow every stroke.

I let her cry and kiss her each time she murmurs “thank you,” against my damp skin. We lay like this for a long time until she brushes her lips across my pecs. When she licks her tongue out against my nipple, it causes a shudder to wrack through my body.

Climbing on top of me, she slides her dripping pussy, my release and hers combined, across my shaft. “I need you again. Please, Beau. I need you again.”

Turning her body so I can spoon her, I lift her leg up and back over my hip so I can slide inside of her once more. Once I’m seated inside as far as I’ll go, I wrap my arm across her chest, my hand gripping her shoulder to keep her pinned to me.

Burying my face in her neck, I fuck into her again. I take her back to that place where she can’t think of anything except the two of us and the orgasms that I can give her for the rest of the night.

Chapter 28

Just Need Mom

Beau

“Hi honey,” my mom says, cupping my face the moment I shut the door behind her.

Leaning down, I wrap her in a tight hug and breathe out a sigh of relief that she’s here. “Hey momma. Thanks for coming over.” Pulling back from her, I hold on to her shoulders and grin at the Tupperware container she’s holding at her side. “Please tell me there are some of those for me, too.” My mom makes the world’s best seven-layer bars because she always adds in an eighth ingredient that she keeps secret.

Laughing softly, she shakes her head. “Nope. They’re all for that sweet girl you’ve got hidden away.” With the mention of Haddie, the smile I have at seeing my mom slips away and I frown, looking back at my bedroom.

“Oh sweetheart. This is the hard part, but you’re doing so well, being here for her. That’s all you can do while she works through her grief.” Mom’s voice is gentle, and I feel a rush of appreciation for her.

Haddie’s dad has been nowhere to be seen. Completely disconnected. Except for a brief text message stating that he heard of Marcus’s passing and asked her to pass on his condolences to the family for now. Fucking bastard should be here. She needs a goddamn hug from a parent.

Turning back to my mom, I ask her for help. “She’s devastated, mom. I’m not saying that she’s not talking with me, because she is. I don’t expect her to just snap out of how she’s feeling, and I know it’s going to take a while for her to have a good day. But I’m so fucking worried and her dad is still nowhere to be fucking found,” I grit out. She knows what I’m talking about because I filled her in the other day.

“She needs a mom,” my mom says with understanding.

I nod, fighting back my sorrow for all that Haddie has lost in her life. “Yeah, I really think she does. Would, ummm… would you like to meet her?” I ask, scratching the back of my head awkwardly. I feel foolish asking, because this is why she’s here.

Nodding, then waving the container at me until I take it, she scrubs her hands down her slacks and asks, “Is she in your room?”

“She’s lying down. I’ll introduce you.” I move to lead her into the room, but mom stops me with a hand on my arm.

“I got it, honey. Why don’t you make some lunch for us and have a beer or something? Take a break. You look exhausted too, and you can’t help her if you’re not taking care of yourself.”

After cracking my neck, I lean over and press a kiss to her cheek, wordlessly thanking her. I watch as she strolls back toward my bedroom before I head into the kitchen. Setting the container on the counter, I brace my hands and hang my head.

My happy girl has been inconsolable for the last seventy-two hours. I spent the first half fucking her until she passed out in exhaustion to the point I actually worried about dehydration. I’m not sure if it was the best idea, but her pleas for me to take away her pain were more than I could bear. It was a nice way for me to distract myself as well. But now she’s hidden herself away so deeply into a hellish hole of depression that I’m lost on how to draw her back out.

She’s absolutely lost without her friend and there’s nothing I can do to bring him back, as much as I’d give anything to try for her. I haven’t heard her laugh in over three days, and I never could have anticipated how much that would crush me. I’m going to work until I get it back, then it’ll be my laugh.

Instead of gathering things for lunch, my eyes move toward the bedroom and find that I can’t stay away. I promised her I’d be here for her, and she shouldn’t meet my mom for the first time without me. With that thought, I shove away from the counter and hurry to my bedroom. I stop in the doorway just as my mom leans down to look into Haddie’s face where she’s lying on her side, staring blankly at the wall.

Mom reaches out a hand and brushes my girl’s hair away from her face and cups her cheek the same way she always does me. She moves in closer while still touching her, and whispers something that has Haddie nodding her head quickly as she releases silent sobs into her pillow.

“Oh, baby girl… Can I hold you?” Mom’s voice is filled with tears, always sensitive to those who are hurting around her. Haddie turns her head to peer over at me with a question in her eyes.

“Happy, this is my mom, Rosemary,” I say, reassuring her silently with more than just my words that she can use her.

Looking back to my mom, she nods once and can barely sit up before my mom slides onto the bed next to her and wraps her into one of those hugs that only moms know how to give. So much relief washes through me when I watch Haddie collapse into my mom and cry against her. Her arms are shaking as they wrap around my mom’s frame and mom simply rests her cheek on the top of her head.

Her eyes find mine without moving away from my girl just before she speaks. She doesn’t look away from me as she shares her words with both of us.

“Sweet, sweet Haddie. I’m so incredibly sorry to hear about the passing of your best friend. There’s nothing I can say that will take the ache for him away from you, but I can tell you that this will all get easier with time. Keep him alive by talking about him. Share your stories and memories. Remember all of the fun you two had together and know that if he could have stayed with you, he would have.”

She pauses to wipe away a tear from the corner of her eye before continuing.

“Death is such a sad thing, but it’s only sad for us… and only for a while. You’ll see, one day soon, that when something big happens and you find yourself wanting to tell him about it, you can still speak with him. He’ll always be right here with you,” she says, tapping Haddie’s chest right over her heart. “He’ll never be truly gone, and you’ll get to remember him with smiles and love.”

I blink away my tears and mouth, “Thank you,” to my mom, who smiles while shushing the woman I can tell she’s already considering her own.

Without letting Haddie go, mom slides further on the bed and leans against the headboard to hold Haddie as she quietly cries against her. I can’t stay away any longer, wanting to hold both women who mean the world to me.

I crawl onto the other side of her and wrap an arm around my mom’s shoulder and Haddie’s waist. Mom leans her head on my shoulder as she silently cries along with her. After some time, when I think Haddie is asleep between the two of us, I roll my head to the side to study my mom. She has her eyes closed, but I know she’s not asleep.

“Thank you for coming, mom. I think this was good.”

“I’ll always be here for you two, honey. I feel so awful that you both are going through this. It’s never an easy thing to experience, and it sounds like he was much too young. But you’re never ready, no matter the age.”

Haddie doesn’t move, but her sweet voice interrupts us. “Can I tell you about him? About my friend, I mean?”

Mom chuckles softly and runs a firmer hand across Haddie’s head. “Oh, please do. I’d love to hear everything about him! Then I’ll get to learn a bit more about you as well.”

Haddie lifts herself off us quickly at that, looks at me with frantic eyes, and pushes her hair off her face. “Oh my God! Beau, I met your mom and I look like shit!” Then a look of horror crosses her face and she whispers, “I just swore in front of your mom. Fuck…. Fuck! Why won’t I stop?” she cries out loudly.

Bursting out in laughter, I hold my stomach as I let all the pent-up stress flow out of me. I love that she just panicked over something so trivial.

Haddie’s face turns bright red with embarrassment as she glares at me, wiping the tears from her face. “It’s not freaking funny, Beau.”

Giggling, mom pats her on the arm and shoves my arm in annoyance. “My son’s an ass, dear. But you look beautiful to me, and you can’t say anything I haven’t heard before. Thankfully, he’s a good boy and listens to his mom. So, he’s going to get his butt out of here and make us some lunch. We’ll talk all about you, your life, your friend, and I’m going to dig for information about the two of you together.”

“Oh. God.” The sound of panic in her voice has the chuckles that were dying down erupt again. Haddie kicks me in the side until I move off the bed.

“I’m going,” I say through snickers. “Mom, don’t scare her away. I want to keep her.”

Haddie’s glare at me softens, and her lip quirks up slightly on one side. It’s not a laugh, but it’s a start. Hurrying out to the kitchen, I throw together as much food as I can, adding anything to the table that I think Haddie might want to eat. Her appetite has been next to nothing since we left the hospital, and I’m eager to feed her.

When I can hear the two of them softly talking in my bedroom, I slow down and take my time. I give them some much needed privacy as Haddie shares her heartache with my mom, and mom gets to know the girl I have every intention of spending the rest of my life with. Admitting that to myself brings a smile to my face. As I study the spread of food I’ve laid out, I nod once before heading back to them to announce lunch is ready.

Haddie is bundled up in a pair of leggings and one of my sweatshirts that’s about four sizes too big on her, but she hasn’t looked more beautiful than she does right now. Her eyes are still red and there are dark circles under them. Her hair is a mess, and she doesn’t have one ounce of makeup on her face. But there’s this small little area between her brows that looks less stressed, more relaxed. Like she’s been able to let go of a tiny bit of the pain she’s been feeling throughout her entire body.

We take our time eating lunch, Haddie eventually quieting as she tires from the past few hours with mom’s visit. My mom, bless her, takes over the conversation, sharing terrible stories of me in an attempt to lighten the mood. My girl doesn’t laugh, not yet… but the smiles start to come a little easier when she hears something extra ridiculous.

I’m about ready to call it a night when Haddie’s phone rings. She looks at the screen where it’s lighting up next to her and blows out a breath.

“It’s Mrs. O’Brien,” she tells me, not making a move to answer.

“Would you like me to answer for you?” I know she’ll feel bad if she doesn’t take the call, but I can tell she’s not ready for it.

Mom reaches a hand out and rests it on top of Haddie’s. “You should answer, sweetheart.”

With a deep breath, Haddie slides the answer button and puts the phone to her ear. “Hi Momma B. How are you doing?”

She listens for a moment and looks over at me the longer Mrs. O’Brien speaks. I can hear her voice through the phone, but not what she’s asking.

Finally, she nods slowly and answers. “I’d be honored to. Are you sure you only want me? You or Mr. O’Brien won’t want to speak?”

Another pause and she closes her eyes slowly, a tear slipping free, but my girl holds herself together. “Thank you, Momma B. I’d love to. Is there anything else you need? Anything I can do?”

Tilting my head to the side, I try to ask her what’s going on, but she holds a finger up to give her a moment. “Alright. Give my love to Mr. O’Brien. You guys hang in there and I’ll see you on Saturday, unless you need anything before then. Love you… bye.”

Mom and I give her a minute to mull over her conversation, then she looks up, finding me. “They want me to speak at his service. She said that since I knew him better than anyone else, I’ll be able to share with everyone who he was.”

“I heard you ask about them speaking. They aren’t going to?” I’m happy for her to get to talk about him, but also worried that this is going to drive her back into her dark place.

Shaking her head slowly, she says, “No. She said they want to just listen and use that time to say goodbye with everyone else. They want to keep it simple.”

With a squeeze to gain her attention, Haddie looks at mom when she asks, “How do you feel about that? Is this something you’ll be comfortable doing?”

Haddie’s eyes look at the ceiling for a moment as she considers the question. “I think I’m relieved about it. And really honored that they’ve asked me. There are so many things that I want to say about him, but it’ll be nice to have this to focus on for a bit.”

“That’s good. This is good. Maybe you’ll find some comfort as you write everything out. I’ll get out of here, give the two of you some time to relax. Will you let me know if I can do anything to help?”

Standing, I walk around the table to hug her, whispering a soft thanks into her ear, then louder, “We’ll let you know. Thanks for coming by mom.”

Haddie stands when I release mom and takes a hesitant step toward her. When mom opens her arms, she flies into them and relaxes into their embrace. “Thank you so much for coming over. I’m sorry I’m such a mess and wish I could have made a better first impression.”

Laughing, my mom pulls away and cups her cheeks. “You’re perfect, my dear. I’m glad to have come and finally met the girl that has my boy all twisted up.”

“Christ, mom,” I complain.

“Hush, I said what I said.” She sniffs at me. “Get my number from Beau. Call me. We’ll have lunch.”

Nodding quickly, Haddie sniffles, trying not to cry again. I grab her hand and pull her with me as we walk my mom to the door. After another round of hugs, we say goodbye, then find ourselves alone in the entryway.

Tugging gently on my hand, I look down at my happy girl. “You doing okay, baby?”

“I think so. I feel a little better. I really like your mom.”

Laughing, I kiss her forehead. “Yeah, she’s pretty nice.”

“Ummm, she’s beyond nice. She’s perfect! I want to keep her,” she says with a scowl, not happy with my underwhelming description.

“You two can keep each other as long as I come with her. Let’s curl up and watch a movie.”

I smile as Haddie walks beside me back to the room. I enjoy the peace that seems to have come over us as we spend the rest of the evening watching movies curled up against each other.

Chapter 29

It’s Time

Haddie

Shutting the journal, I hold it on my lap and finger the small scratches littering the cover. I’m… wow.

“Harry?” and “Baby?” both come from either side of me, but I ignore them. Addie’s thigh is pressed to my right, Beau my left, and their presence is everything to me right now.

“I’m going to say something, but I just need a moment,” I tell them quietly.

It’s been nine days since Marcus died. He died. People like to say he went to the other side, or that he passed away, or he’s an angel now. I don’t. He’s dead, and that’s now my life. It’s his parents’ life, and Addie’s, and anyone else who came in contact with him over the years he spent on this earth.

I look toward the closed door that’s keeping the three of us separate from the few hundred people milling around the church.

Today is his funeral, and I have to talk about him. I have everything I want to say written. Even after reading the bookmarked portion of Marcus’s journal that Momma B handed me half an hour ago, I feel good about what I’m going to say.

With a deep breath through my nose, I blow it out shakily and look over to Addie with a smile. She looks absolutely gorgeous today. Normally, my other best friend wears bright colors and stylish clothes, but today she’s dressed in a beautiful, cap-sleeved black lace dress.

Looking to my other side, I deliver the same smile to Beau, who’s looking mouthwatering in his black suit and thin tie. It’s cut so perfectly; I can practically see the lines of his muscles. I melt at his deep concern in his gaze as he studies my face, looking for any sign that I’m going to dissolve into yet another fit of tears.

“You don’t need to worry. I’m not going to have another tantrum,” I tease.

His worry quickly turns into a scowl as he huffs out a breath. “Not a fuc–” He cuts himself off with a cough, remembering we’re sitting in a church, then he clears his throat. “Not a tantrum.”

I smile to myself and look back down at the journal, running my finger over it again. “This is beautiful to read. Did you know he wrote this?” I ask Addie.

She shakes her head slowly, frowning at the book. “I didn’t. I thought you were our resident writer.”

With a sigh, I stand up and turn to face them, holding the book to my chest like it’s the most valuable possession I’ve ever touched. “I’ll read the rest of it later, but the part that she wanted me to read was about our friendship. I think… I think maybe he knew something was going on with him. Not necessarily that it was as big as what ended up happening, but he knew something.”

I know I said that I wasn’t going to have another meltdown, and I’m really not, but I can’t stop the few tears from escaping when I beam at them. “He was happy. Happy with his life and you and me and his job. Everything. He was happy and content.” I look down at the book and my smile grows even bigger. “He said that the thing he loved most about me was my light inside. I made his life bright and beautiful.”

I almost giggle when I add, “He also really doesn’t like Deborah.”

Addie snorts out a laugh and says, “Him and me both.” She crosses her arms and glares at the door. “They’re out there, you know. Have you even seen your dad?”

Shaking my head, I wait for the hurt to hit me, but it doesn’t. There’s just this resigned acceptance that it is what it is. I can’t make my dad feel the way I want him to.

“He sent her a text,” Beau snaps out. Apparently, they’re both on the ‘fuck Haddie’s dad’ train today. What I don’t want is any drama here. Not today.

“It doesn’t matter. What we’re all going to do is be kind, give hugs, and avoid, avoid, avoid like the plague for the O’Brien’s.”

Addie’s mumbled, “Fine,” makes Beau laugh and these two actually high-five each other in solidarity.

Rolling my eyes, I spin around and call out, “Let’s get out there.”

“Wait, baby. Addie, would you give us a minute?” Beau pulls me back toward him as she waves us off and slips through the door, closing it again behind her. When he looks down at me, I marvel again at how far I have to tilt my head back to peer up at him when we stand like this.

“Your mom did every woman a disservice by breeding you to be so ridiculously tall, you know that?”

Smirking, he says, “She only screwed you over. Although, the argument could be made that your parents fucked you over by making you so short. No one else matters to me, though. Are you sure you’re doing okay today? I know they would understand if this is too much for you.”

I soften at how worried he is about me, and I wish there was a way to reassure him. There may be a niggling doubt way far back in my mind that I’m not going to make it through this. But the need to do this for him, and for his parents, outweighs the need to run back to Beau’s bed and hide under the covers.

“I feel okay right now. I want to do this, though. Besides, I could talk about him for hours.” Playing with his tie, I straighten it out, then run my hand down his chest. “Thanks for putting up with me. This has been… a lot.”

His arms wind around me, and I breathe in his scent when I lay my head against him. “You’re easy to put up with.” Beau pauses, then sighs when I don’t laugh. “I’m going to get you to laugh, and soon.”

I feel terrible because I know he’s taking it like a personal failure. The urge to tell him again that I’ll be fine dies in my throat because it doesn’t feel like I will be.

Without responding to him, I pull away and take his hand so we can go back out into the crowd. Most of the people have wandered inside the sanctuary where the service will be held, but I come to a stop when I see my family. They’re all standing around the poster boards, looking at all the photos of Marcus from the day he was born until just a couple of months before he died.

Jonathon sees me first and immediately walks over to us, pulling his hands from his pockets as he gets close to drag me into a hug. “Hey sis, fucking sucky ass day, huh?”

“You can’t swear in church,” I scold him, enjoying his warmth.

“Language,” my dad’s voice chimes in.

A quick glance at Beau, who is still gripping my hand, shows me he’s still pissed as hell at him. “Nice to see you, finally,” he says. I have to say, his passive aggressiveness is kind of hot.

My dad blinks up at him in surprise, then holds out a hand. “Beau. It’s nice to see you too.” Dad then looks at me, “How you doing, pumpkin? I’m sorry about your friend.”

I wrinkle my nose, bothered by his seemingly fake words. It’s like he’s forgotten that he’s known Marcus for the last quarter of a century.

Deborah’s grating voice interjects. “Very terrible, honey. It’s just so sad, losing their only son in such a tragic way. We’re all just torn up for them.”

Snorting, I study her. “I’ll bet.”

“Harriet, do you think there’s anything they need?” she asks, ignoring my comment. “I would love to help in any way I can. All of this really makes you realize how important family is.” Her statement hits me hard, but not in a good way. I take a step back, hitting Beau when she moves toward me like she’s going to give me a hug. Nope. Not happening, especially today.

“Come on, happy girl. Let’s get inside,” he says softly against my ear.

Beau slides his arm around my shoulder and guides me away from the stepmonster and my dad. Amber was standing with them, but thankfully, she stayed quiet. Just as we’re walking away, she calls out to me.

“Harry, I’m sorry for your loss.” Shooting her a grateful look, I decide to give her a point for at least attempting to be a decent person, today of all days.

Ignoring my dad’s whispered comment to Deborah, I’m relieved when my brothers follow us into the larger room. They flank our sides like they’re going to block out the negative feelings surrounding my relationship with the other three.

We find our seats a couple of rows behind Marcus’s parents and extended family, where Addie has saved a few seats for us. Doing a quick count, I blow out a breath to see that there is only room for me and Beau. My brothers quickly fill the seats behind us, forcing my dad, stepmom, and sister to sit further away from me.

Today is definitely not the day that I’m going to face off with them. But it’s coming. It has to. Deborah was right when she said that something like this makes you realize how important family is. What she doesn’t realize is that your family is the one that you choose to be around. Blood doesn’t mean everything. Marcus was my family. He was closer to me than my own brothers. I love them, but I don’t know them.

Beau’s arm is resting across the back of my chair when the service starts. He doesn’t even flinch when I dig my nails into his thigh as the pastor speaks, filling us in on all things related to life and death. His words fill my ears, but I’m not hearing what he’s saying. I don’t want to hear anything. All I can do is stare at the blue, shiny urn surrounded by a floral arrangement where Marcus’s body is now held.

Tilting my head to the side, I’m fascinated by the fact that his tall, thin body can fit inside that tiny thing. It’s so hard to fathom that he’s right there, but not really there.

“Baby,” Beau whispers into my ear, jerking me from my thoughts. I look up at him in confusion. He nods his head toward the front, where the pastor has his eyes on me with a gentle smile on his face. “It’s time, happy girl.”

With a deep breath, I stand up and straighten the skirt of my dress. I look over at Momma B and her husband, both looking at me with watery smiles, and I force one back. Bending over, I press a kiss to the corner of Beau’s mouth, grab the few pieces of paper where I’ve written my goodbye to my best friend, and make my way to the podium.

The pastor moves to the side to give me space and when I turn around; I find Beau. I didn’t realize it, but he followed me to the front where he’s now squatting next to Mr. O’Brien’s chair so he could be right here with me.

Beau’s eyes are filled with compassion and support and love. I know I have to start talking, but I can’t. Not until he knows how much he means to me.

Looking directly at him, I smile the biggest one I can muster and mouth, “I love you”. Warmth fills me when he straightens up, like he wants to come to me, but he stops himself. He doesn’t say it back, but he nods his head once. His eyes screaming everything; all the words he wants to say back to me.

Looking away from him, I find Cara O’Brien’s eyes, then Declan O’Brien, and run my gaze over the rest of bodies sitting in the room with them.

This feels like the longest goodbye I’ve ever had to say, but it also happened in the blink of an eye.

Chapter 30

The Funeral

Haddie

Swallowing, I take a moment to ground myself then look out.

“My name is Haddie Byer, and Marcus’s parents asked me to speak today. To share what I could about the man who’s been my absolute best friend throughout my entire life. Some of you may find it shocking to know, but Marcus was incredibly proud of his Irish heritage, which is something the two of us bonded over and ran with. He and I would spend hours scouring the internet, then memorizing the most awful and hilarious drinking toasts out there, and it became a tradition for us.

“Marcus was nothing if not competitive, and he had some doozies. I’d share one of his crasser ones, but I don’t think the pastor here would appreciate that.” Offering an apologetic smile to the man I’m speaking of, he simply grins and nods for me to continue. “So instead, I’d like to give Marcus an Irish blessing.”

May the road rise up to meet you.

May the wind be always at your back.

May the sun shine warm upon your face,

The rains fall soft upon your fields,

And, until we meet again,

May God hold you in the palm of His hand.

Fighting back tears, I admit, “I miss him. I miss him more than I need air to breathe, and I can’t stand the thought of a world where we all don’t get to spend just one more day with him. Twenty-eight years was not nearly enough of his smiles and laughter and kind words. It’s clear how many people he’s touched, some every day, some less, but it doesn’t matter. What matters is that you experienced him and get to hold those memories forever.

“As much as I want to stand here and share with you every memory I have of him, I’m afraid we’ll be here for much too long. The most important thing I want you to know is how much you all meant to him. You were what made him rich in life.” I smile at everyone, and I see a few people nod their heads in agreement.

Looking at Beau again, I feel my heart skip a beat over the way he’s staring at me, absorbing every word I share about my friend. I seriously couldn’t be doing this without him.

“Marcus always shared with me when he got to speak to his aunt for an extra half an hour on the phone,” I say, looking over at Momma B’s sister, who sucks in a shaky breath. “Or when he ran into a friend we haven’t seen since high school.” My eyes find one of the boys we graduated with. “He spoke about the people he worked with and found true friendships with you all.” I point toward the group in the back where all of his coworkers are sitting together.

Then I find Addie’s eyes, so happy that Jensen is sitting next to her, holding her as she sobs quietly into his side. “In college, the two of us found some very special people he was quick to welcome into his fold. Every single one of you meant the world to him. Know that you made his life feel full.”

I stop to collect myself before I get to the hardest part of this entire thing. Turning my body toward his parents, I wait until Mr. O’Brien finds my eyes.

“Marcus was your pride and joy. I could see it with every interaction you two had together. He respected the hell out of you and would always hold his head just a little higher when you told him how proud of him you were. You taught him how to be a man, and I swear to you, he was a good man. The best,” I choke out when I see him cover his face. “Declan, you are a phenomenal father and I hope you know how proud he was to be your son.”

I watch as Beau lays his hand over the man’s heaving shoulders in comfort and blink away my rapidly rising tears.

Finding Momma B’s eyes, I gaze at her with as much compassion as I can muster. “Momma B, Cara. God… You were his world. The way you encouraged him to always be himself, accepted him just as he was, was everything to him. He never felt like he needed to be anyone but a son and a friend. Your hugs and kisses, loving words, comfort when he was sick, understanding when his heart ached, was truly an honor to be a part of and watch.”

Wiping away tears, I keep going. “You are the best mom ever. That’s what he told me time and time again. He loved you, both of you, until the day he died. Take comfort knowing that he was well loved and really, really happy.”

Looking down at his journal in front of me, I trace the indentations on the cover again, deciding to share something I hadn’t planned. Finding Beau’s eyes again, I raise a finger in a small wave to him, hoping he knows I believe every word I’m about to say.

“When you have to face tragedy, whether it be death or sickness or injury, sometimes it helps just to talk about it. Vocalize what you’re going through and continue talking about it. Someone new to me said that the more you talk, the easier it gets every time. Marcus leaving this world is a tragedy, and it seems absurd to me that he isn’t here anymore, which makes it seem surreal.

“The more we talk about it, the more I’ve talked about it, it’s helped me to cope and allowed those good feelings to filter back in when I think of him. And when we find we can’t do anything else but cry, why not try laughing? There’s nothing we can do to change what happened, but we can laugh at the absurd and happy memories. Marcus really loved to laugh.”

Shrugging more to myself, I add almost as an afterthought as I realize the truth of my words. “If you can laugh at something, it can’t be so overwhelming. Remember Marcus. Talk about him. Laugh about his crazy antics and funny stories. Find happiness in the times we were able to share with him and take comfort knowing that he loved every single one of you.”

As I come to the end of my speech, I grin at his parents through my tears fighting to fall. “Thank you, Declan and Cara, for giving me the privilege of speaking about my best friend. I love him more than superheroes love capes. He was my superhero, and I swear, that man would have worn a cape every day if he knew it was an option.”

I let the chuckles fill the room as I place a poem in front of me. “I know it’s sappy, but there’s one more thing I’d like to read that’s eerily fitting for today. One of the nights Marcus and I found ourselves sitting at the bar at O’Reilly’s, he showed me this amazing poem he was incredibly moved by. It’s called ‘The Parting Glass’ and I hope you feel the peace I did when I read it again last night.”

Once it quiets down from the soft chuckles, I read it, then find my way back to Beau’s arms as he wraps me up tight, whispering words of praise and support.

The Parting Glass

Of all the money that e’er I had

I have spent it in good company

Oh and all the harm I’ve ever done

Alas, it was to none but me

And all I’ve done for want of wit

To memory now I can’t recall

So fill to me the parting glass

Good night and joy be to you all

So fill to me the parting glass

And drink a health whate’er befalls

Then gently rise and softly call

Good night and joy be to you all

Of all the comrades that e’er I had

They’re sorry for my going away

And all the sweethearts that e’er I had

They would wish me one more day to stay

But since it fell into my lot

That I should rise and you should not

I’ll gently rise and softly call

Good night and joy be to you all

So fill to me the parting glass

And drink a health whate’er befalls

Then gently rise and softly call…

Good night and joy be to you all.

Chapter 31

Cheer to Marcus

Beau

Today was a long as fuck day, and I imagine the moment I yank my tie off is similar to the way women feel when they pull off their bras.

“It’s like freeing the ta-tas. Amiright?” I blink at her, wondering if I said that out loud. “So jealous right now,” she mumbles, turning to watch out the window as I drive my car out of the parking lot.

“I swear to God, I just had that thought and you said it.”

Turning back to me, she looks confused. “You wanted to let your boobs air out?”

Chuckling, I enjoy the feeling of sitting down for a few minutes before we get to the bar. “No, crazy. I mean, I wondered if that feeling of relief when I took my tie off was similar to what women feel when they remove their bras.”

Haddie’s brows raise slowly in understanding. “I imagine it’s probably pretty damn close.” Then she scowls down at her chest. “I want to take mine off so bad. I feel like they’re practically to my chin.”

Winking at her, I tease, “But they look soooo good like that.”

She still doesn’t laugh, but I manage to get her to smile. “Thank you. They do look rather perky.”

A group of us decided to go out to O’Reilly’s Pub to have some drinks in Marcus’s honor. His parents aren’t coming, which is understandable. I’m sure they’re ready for some downtime after the whirlwind of the week-long stay in the hospital, then planning for his funeral immediately after.

Haddie’s speech was incredibly moving, and I’m so fucking proud of her for saying what she did. Remembering the way she mouthed she loves me shook me to my core. I haven’t said anything back yet because people have surrounded us all afternoon. I’d tell her now, but I want to get her home and under me when I tell her those four letters. Love. It’s a real thing, and I feel every bit of it in my bones for her.

I let Haddie close her eyes to rest for the short drive, knowing that we probably won’t stay out for very long. Doing this tonight, though, feels right.

When we make it to the bar, my girl’s face lights up as a cheer erupts when they see us. Ricky, the bartender, rolls his eyes at them, avoiding waving arms as he walks around the tables, dropping shots off in front of everyone.

Once the tray is empty, and we make it to the back of the room, he shoves it under his arm and pulls Haddie into a hug. “Christ, girl. I’m gonna miss that motherfucker. You doing good? Are we double fisting regular shots or just going straight for the doubles? All on the house. I’m saving the good bottle for ya.”

Haddie lets me go to hold on to Ricky. “I really want to say doubles, but I haven’t eaten much today, so I need you to keep me walking upright tonight. My dress is too pretty to puke in.”

Ricky pulls back from her and pats her shoulders, a little too roughly in my opinion, and I itch to drag her back against me. Clearing his throat, he doesn’t hide his emotions well from us, so we both pretend not to notice. “Got it. I’ll grab you both drinks.” He pauses and looks at me with a raised brow, asking what I want.

“I’ll have the same as her,” I tell him, and he leaves with a nod. Before he gets too far, I call out, “Bring yourself a couple too! We’re going to do a few rounds with friends.”

He waves to me over his shoulder and heads back to the bar to pour more shots. Looking around the tables, I’m thrilled to see how many people showed up. I know Haddie thinks they’re all here for Marcus, but they’re not. They’re here for her.

Addie, Jensen, my parents, Haddie’s brothers, and a couple dozen of other mutual friends and family members are all chatting with each other and waving at Haddie and I to come sit down. I ignore that her dad isn’t here because I’m glad for it. She needs this time to celebrate and be loved by her friends.

When Ricky returns with more shots, he sets down an extra one for everyone, so by the time he’s done, we all have two. My happy girl is staring at her glasses with a touch of melancholy that hasn’t quite disappeared yet, frowning, deep in thought.

“Harry, you need to make the toast!” Addie calls out so everyone can hear. “You have to say the one that you mentioned today. Marcus’s favorite.”

Blinking quickly, she drags herself back to the present and smiles at her friend. Then, standing up, she holds out one of the shot glasses filled with tequila, waiting for everyone. Once we’ve all got ours raised, with a broken, but loud voice, she says, “When God made man, he had a little left, so he left a little thing. When God made woman, there wasn’t quite enough, so he left a little space. Here’s a toast to ‘things in space’.”

Everyone shouts, “To Marcus!” between fits of laughter.

Haddie grins and repeats, “To Marcus!” and tosses it back. I swallow mine, ignoring the burn, and reach out to help my girl as she sits back down. She’s the only one that didn’t laugh, and Addie notices too.

She reaches her hand across the table and grips my girl’s wrist, trying her best to give her a consoling smile. But Haddie isn’t paying attention. Her eyes are locked on the second shot glass and my heart cracks a bit more for her.

“Marcus always did a toast with you,” I tell her softly, not asking because I know the answer.

With a shaky nod, she forces a smile when she looks up. “Yeah. It just doesn’t feel right. He’s supposed to say one that’s better than mine.”

She leans into my side after I press a kiss to her temple. My mom and dad are watching us from a different table, mom’s eyes filled with concern and dad watching curiously. He doesn’t seem to be offended by her words, and I’m thankful that I don’t have to worry about any negativity from him tonight. It says something that he’s here for her, and I’ll thank mom for that later.

Haddie doesn’t know, but while I was searching for funny stories and jokes to try to draw her out of her sorrow, I also looked up toasts to see how many were out there. From my short experience around both Marcus and Haddie, I suspected there are quite a bit. So, I decide to give her the second toast she is desperately missing right now. Sitting her away from me, she looks up with confusion when I stand and hold out the second shot glass. Once our friends notice and quiet down again after picking their shots up, I stare down at my girl.

“I know it’s not the same, Happy, but I’m going to try my best for you.” Then I clear my throat and look at everyone’s smiling faces. “To Haddie. No matter how beautiful, smart, and full of class, to somebody, somewhere, she’s a pain in the ass.”

My pulse is racing as I throw back my shot, enjoying the sound of another round of laughter, then tentatively peek at Haddie.

Thank God, she’s not upset. She’s got her mouth hanging open in shock, staring at me like she’s never seen me before. Sitting back down, I shrug at her and say, “What? You are a pain in the ass.”

Laughter literally explodes from her body, the sound tinkling through my chest like a balm to my soul. That fucking sound is everything I needed to hear and everything that makes her, her.

She doesn’t stop laughing, holding her stomach, ignoring the tears as they start to fall, and I actually grow concerned. It’s like she’s snapped, a shaken champagne bottle that’s been uncorked, and her laughter is spreading quickly over everyone. The woman I love is contagious, and I start chuckling when a new round of giggles emerges again from our friends.

When she looks at them, then over at me, her face turns from pure delight to something I can’t describe, and her boisterous laugh turns into a gut-wrenching sob.

Her body comes flying at me after she shoves her chair back and she wraps her body around mine. I have to grab hold of the table to keep us from tipping over from the way our weight has shifted in my chair.

“Happy, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I didn’t say that to upset you. I thought–” I plead with her, feeling like I really fucked up, but she cuts me off when she plants her lips against mine, crying against my mouth.

“No! It was perfect!” she cries out. She hugs me to her before pressing kisses all over my face. Her sobbing turns back into laughter, and I melt, hanging on to her as she wavers between laughing and crying.

“I’ve missed that,” I whisper to her. “I’ve missed your laugh so much, baby.” My confession urges me to make another one, and I no longer care if we’re alone or not. I can’t go one fucking second without telling her how in love with her I am. How much I need her in my life and how she’s a part of me now.

Grasping her face, I tilt her head back and pepper kisses across her cheeks, nose, and lips. When I have her eyes locked on me, I say, “I love you more than football.”

She blinks slowly at me, her grin spreading until it’s stretched from ear to ear. “That’s a lot of love.”

I nod solemnly. “It is because I really love football.”

She holds my face in the same way, brushing her thumbs along my jaw with eyes bouncing back and forth as she takes me in. This time, when she leans in for a kiss, it’s slower, deeper, filled with so much emotion that I begin to feel overwhelmed by having everyone around us. I want her home.

When she finally pulls away, she doesn’t take her eyes off me as she reaches over for her shot, which she never took, throws it back, then grins at me. “I love you more than tequila.”

Chuckling, I repeat her earlier statement. “That’s a lot of love.”

She mimics my slow nod of seriousness. “It is because I really love tequila. And you. I really, really love you.”

“I know you do, happy girl. You said really twice. You want to get out of here?”

She groans as she looks around. “No, but yes. I want today to be over.”

“Yeah. It was a pretty shitty day. Let’s say our goodbyes and we’ll go home.” I don’t ask if she wants to go to her place or mine. We’re going to mine. That’s where we’ve been, and I don’t want her anywhere except next to me in my bed. There won’t be another night where she’s not there and I’ll be telling her that tomorrow.

Haddie makes her rounds, which takes close to an hour, but eventually I tell her I’ll meet her outside so I can walk my parents to their car.

“She’s doing good,” mom says once we’re away from the noise of the bar. “Really good. I want you two to come over soon so we can have that dinner.”

“We will. I’m sure she’s got crap piled up at work the same as I do. Once we’re caught up, I’ll schedule something,” I promise her, leaning down to kiss her on the cheek.

“How much slack did the other coaches have to pick up for you while you took off?” my dad asks, immediately putting me on edge.

“I took off the time I needed to. It was no problem having my assistant run practices for a few days.”

Grunting, he looks away. “I hope he didn’t throw them off. Consistency is key to having a winning team. You know that.”

“George,” mom snaps out, scowling in frustration.

“What?” he asks, clueless why she’s acting like he’s being an asshole.

I don’t want to fight, at least not tonight. Sighing, I pinch the bridge of my nose and ask, “Dad, can you just take a break from the criticisms for one night? I need a break from it.”

“I’m just saying–” he cuts off at the same time I feel a slender arm wrap around my side, and I know Haddie is here. Instead of tucking herself into my side, she pushes me back and behind her.

I look down at the back of her head in surprise when she plants her hands on her hips and stares down my father. With a finger jabbed in his direction, she hisses out, “Enough. Be proud of him.”

My eyes shoot up to my dad and I want to laugh at the look on his face. He’s utterly dumbstruck, looking down at the petite woman facing off with him. Opening and closing his mouth a few times, he says, “I am proud of him.”

I jerk my head back at his words. I’ve never heard him say that before, not in my thirty-four years of life. George Hudson is a man of few words other than how you can always ‘be better’.

My girl sniffs at him and crosses her arms. “Jesus Christ, George. Why can’t people just be satisfied with how their children decide to live their lives? It’s not hard. He’s one of the top coaches out there. He’s healthy, he’s happy, he’s stable. What more could you possibly want for him?”

I bite back a laugh when I hear my mom giggle behind her hand. “You tell him, baby girl,” she urges.

Now he’s scowling and crosses his arms back at her, but she doesn’t back down. “I said I am proud of him. I always have been.”

“Then fucking tell him that. But not tonight, because we’re going home. This was good enough for now.” She spins around and looks at me with tired eyes. “I’m ready to go.”

“You got it,” I say, kissing her forehead and leading her away from my parents to walk to my car.

“Told you,” I hear my mom say to my dad.

Haddie ducks out from under my arm and turns back around. “Sorry, I forgot to say goodbye. Thank you both for coming out tonight. It really means a lot to me, and I think Captain too. I think… I think you both would have really liked Marcus.”

My mom’s gaze softens on her, and my dad looks clueless. “Captain?” he asks, but Haddie just keeps rambling, more from being worn out, I think, rather than embarrassment.

“Oh, and George?” Dad looks at her when she calls his name. “I need you to forgive me next time I see you for talking to you like that. I’m really freaking emotional right now and beyond exhausted. But seriously, I meant every word. Just… forgive me for them, please and thank you.”

He waves her off, and I know that he’s not upset. I think what she said to him may have hit him harder than he was prepared for. I truly believe that my father means well. He’s just terrible at expressing himself. What he views as helpful suggestions comes across as disappointment and critique.

“You’re humming,” I tell her as Haddie sits in the car. And she is. She’s been humming since we walked away from them. A song that’s nonsensical, something unique to her.

Nodding that she knows, she stops to say, “I’m keeping the noise going so I don’t think about the fact that I just yelled at your dad.” Then she picks up the soft humming again as I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket.

With the car idling, I pull it out to read before we get on the road. Haddie’s fingers are tapping her thighs nervously in tune with her song while I read the text from my mom.

Mom: Tell Haddie that your father is already trying to figure out a way to make sure you know how proud he is of you without, and I quote, ‘sounding like a sappy shit’. Also, he likes her. Come to dinner soon. xoxo

I hand my phone over to my girl so she can read. Pulling out of the parking lot, I smile when I hear her soft sigh in relief. She’s also stopped humming.

Harriet “Happy” Elena Byer just fixed my dad.

Chapter 32

A New Normal

Haddie

Whispering from the corner of my mouth as we walk in my front door, I say, “I’m gonna need a milkshake the second we get out of here. I don’t think dinner is going to be palatable.”

Huffing out a laugh, he shakes his head at me. “Nice word.”

“Thanks!” I say, beaming up at him.

Normally when I walk into the house, I find my dad first to tell him hello, but I come to a halt when Deborah is standing in front of me in the entryway, ready to intercept.

“Harriet,” she says, then looks over at Beau, her eyes running down his body with something like irritation or annoyance written all over her face. “Nice to see you again, Beau.”

“Hey, eyes up here, Deborah,” I snap out, really disliking the way she’s scrutinizing him. It was rude as fuck and I’m feeling the urge to fight.

Ignoring my censure, she lowers her voice. “Before you go in there, I wanted to have a quick chat with you. Well, both of you since you brought him with you.”

I can feel Beau stiffen behind me. I know if I don’t say something now, he’s going to blow up at her, ready to wear my colors and battle for my honor. So freaking romantic.

Placing a hand on his chest to stop him, I quickly decide that I want to hear what she has to say. Just this one more time, because I have a feeling that I’m going to make a life-changing decision tonight and I want to ensure that I’m making the right one.

“What did you want to talk about?”

She’s eyeing Beau, but then flicks her gaze at me. “I know the past few weeks have been a struggle for you, so I’m willing to excuse the fact that you’ve been ignoring your father and I. Even with the completely inappropriate way you acted at the funeral when it’s a time for families to cling to one another.”

“You barely knew Marcus,” I bite out. “In fact, I can remember numerous occasions where you only had shitty things to say about how he was an ‘odd boy’ or ‘weird’. Don’t pretend that I was going to fall into your arms and sob, looking to you for comfort.”

Deborah’s face turns red, but she still manages to keep her voice low. “This is what I’m talking about. You can’t talk to me like this! I’m your mother–”

I’m fucking seething when I have to, yet again, correct her. “Not my mom.”

“We’ll talk about the way you continue to be disrespectful toward me when we’re not in the presence of company. All I ask is that you grow up, act like the loving child I know you are, and make things right with your father. He’s been so hurt that you have been acting like you want nothing to do with him. I think, especially with recent events, it’s clear that we never know how much time we have left.”

She softens her voice like she actually cares before continuing with a painful blow to my chest. “I would never want you to live your life with regrets, wishing you could go back and change things.”

“Nope.” Beau’s single word makes me blink away the haze of fury and utter shock at Deborah’s insensitive words. “Baby,” he begs pleadingly, turning me to face him. “I can’t. I can’t let you stand here and listen to this garbage.”

Her quick intake of breath, and the “Excuse me?” she cries out, goes ignored by us.

I nod my head quickly and pull his face down to kiss me. It’s not long, but it helps ground me. Leaning back slightly, I look up at him with a reassuring smile. “I know. I just wanted to hear her. It’ll help me when I talk to dad.”

“Help you with what?” Deborah asks when I tug on Beau’s hand, dragging the both of us past her. I pay no mind to the way she follows, spitting out questions and trying to get me to stop so she can convince me of her way of thinking. “Harriet!” she hisses out through her teeth.

I just want to ignore her, but Beau is fed up. “Deborah?” he snaps back at her and I’m relieved when she comes up short. His glare keeps her frozen in place and I want to climb him like a koala. Deborah really hates her first name.

“Let’s just find my dad, Thor.” My voice is soft, cajoling, trying to urge him away from his increasing desire to face down my stepmonster.

“Stay. Here,” he warns her, then turns around and pushes me forward with his hands low on my back. “Just remember, baby, milkshakes are on your horizon.”

“And French fries, maybe. Depending on how I’m feeling.” I’m deadly serious too. Salty fries definitely help to counteract salty moods.

Chuckling, he whispers his agreement as we find our way into the living room where my dad and brothers are all sitting. I quickly search and don’t find Amber anywhere. Not that it would matter if she were, but this is going to be hard enough with an audience. Bamber’s absence makes it a touch easier.

My dad doesn’t stand to give me a hug when he notices that I’ve arrived. Normally he’s up and pulling me into his arms with hugs and ‘pumpkin’ endearments and love. I don’t know, but it feels like his love is conditional and I don’t think that’s something I can handle anymore.

“Dad, we need to talk.”

He doesn’t look at me when he crosses his arms. With his eyes locked on the television, he grumbles, “I wanted to talk weeks ago, but you’ve been ignoring me.”

“You could have called me, you know,” I tell him, but he stays silent, refusing to respond.

I wait a moment for his impetuous attitude to fade away, but he continues to watch the TV like I’m not even standing here.

“Dad, come on. Haddie wants to talk to you,” Alexander scolds him. Jonathon is nodding quickly in agreement in my peripheral.

Matthew adds quietly, “Don’t be stubborn, old man.”

My father sighs loudly, then faces me. When he notices Beau standing at my side, he looks surprised and maybe a tad embarrassed to have someone outside the family witness his childish attitude.

“Sorry, pumpkin. I’m just feeling out of sorts tonight. How have you been?”

Fake. It’s all so fake and he’s only changing his tune to put up a front.

“I don’t want to talk about how I’ve been doing, but we need to talk about some things that are going to change moving forward.”

Am I nervous about confronting him like this? Absolutely, I am. There’s never going to be a good feeling when you know that the words you’re going to say will hurt someone. I also can’t let myself be hurt anymore by giving in and rolling over just to make other people happy. Especially a person who I truly don’t like.

“What are you talking about, pumpkin? Change what?” He’s confused, but he wouldn’t be if he would ever take a moment to hear me.

With a deep breath, I say what I need to say with just enough gentleness to soften the blow, but also while staying firm.

“I won’t be coming to dinners anymore.” I hold a hand up when his brows immediately furrow, and he goes to argue. “I can’t be around her any longer. I just can’t, dad. She’s manipulative, mean, and cruel. With every comment she offers up as pretend advice, it’s laced with gaslighting undertones and meant to make me feel guilty. I’ve shown you the texts. I’ve told you what she’s said to me. Yet you continue to urge me to ‘make nice’ and try to understand her feelings while ignoring my own.”

“Haddie, I’m not wrong to want you two to get along with each other. Debbie has always tried to be there for you and loves you like her own flesh and blood.” It’s the same rhetoric that he always spouts, and I’m just over it.

Shaking my head sadly, I whisper, “No, she doesn’t. She holds you hostage to get what she wants, and she uses me to do it. Every time I cave and apologize for standing up for myself because you asked me to, it takes a piece of me and gives it to her. She’s emotionally abusive toward the both of us by holding your happiness over my head. I refuse to live like that anymore.”

My dad stands up and moves closer to me, desperate to make me understand him. “No, that’s not what she does. Sure, sometimes she may say things in anger, but it’s never with intentions to actually hurt you. She’s got a beautiful heart, and I wish you could see that.”

“Dad,” I beg him, fighting off the tears that want to build, but I refuse to cry. “I wish you could see what she’s doing to you. You’re not happy, and you’re always wanting me to fix things for you. So you can have peace in your marriage with her. That’s not my job.”

He seems angry, but doesn’t know what to say to argue with me. Donny Byer doesn’t handle confrontation well. It takes him time to sit and process it out, then discuss it for hours with his wife until the two of them, together, can justify their behavior. That’s when he comes back with a defense that’s almost impossible to argue with.

“Listen, I don’t want to lose my relationship with you, but we need to try something different. A new normal.” Swallowing deeply, I continue. I know my brothers and Beau are listening, but thankfully, nobody interjects to tell me I’m overreacting. “I can’t be here anymore, not in this house. I can’t be around her anymore. Frankly, I don’t know if I can handle Amber, at least not right now, but I’m not including her in this.”

Dad is not happy with me right now and I’m sure his mind is whirling on how to convince me to back off and persuade me I’m being ridiculous.

“I think you’re making a big deal out of nothing, Haddie,” he grumbles, refusing to agree.

“No, she’s not, dad,” Matthew pipes in. “Debbie is terrible to her and you’re incredibly judgmental because of Debbie’s opinions.”

Beau hasn’t moved away from me, but when his hand slides up my back to rest at the base of my neck, I glance up at him. He’s not glaring at my dad, but he is giving him that look. “It took me twenty minutes in your presence to see it, Donny. Open your eyes and see what’s going on around you.”

My dad looks affronted by Beau’s words, and he stands up straighter. “So, what? What are you going to do? You’re my damn daughter. I’m not going to be okay with not being involved in your life.”

Shrugging, I tell him truthfully, “I have no idea. But I’m not going to come back here. We can talk on the phone as much as you want, which, by the way, works both ways. You’re perfectly capable of picking it up and calling me. We can meet for lunches or dinners and you’re welcome at my home anytime you want.”

He opens his mouth and I hold up a finger. “But she will not come with you. I’m done with her, dad. I’m serious and I need you to hear me. No more contact, no more lengthy text messages, no more accusations and blaming me for things that aren’t my fault.”

“But she’s my wife.” It’s his only defense and I feel bad, like I’m making him choose between us. I’m not. I’m just asking him for a relationship that doesn’t involve her.

“She is, but you have to understand. Her feelings are not my responsibility. Not when I was ten and not now. Your marriage isn’t either. That’s between the two of you.” Beau squeezes my neck gently, showing me he’s proud of me for saying all of this.

Dad is quiet, his eyes moving over my face. I assume, to see if I’m going to cave and take it all back. “I love you very much. We’re going to get out of here and I am sorry for any hurt I’ve caused you. I don’t want that, even though I feel it needed to be said. Let’s work on our new normal and figure things out. I’ll call you.”

Stepping closer, I wrap my arms around his waist, squeezing my eyes shut when he doesn’t immediately return the gesture. After a moment, I feel his arms come around me and I sigh against him.

“I don’t like this,” he whispers into my hair.

I nod my head quickly in agreement. “Neither do I, but we’ll figure it out.”

“Love you, pumpkin.”

Pulling away, I give him a watery smile. It’s small, but I want him to know that I do love him. “I love you too. We’ll talk soon.”

Quickly, I make my way over to my brothers and whisper my thanks for their mostly silent support and tell them I’ll call them later. Alexander promises to fill me in on the rest of the evening’s antics, but I shake my head.

“I don’t need to know.” And I really don’t. If I want this change, I can’t worry about what happens when we leave. “Love you guys,” I say, looking around them. Then tilt my head to the door for Beau, letting him know we can go now.

I’ll never know if Deborah was listening to what I said to my dad. She’s been known to eavesdrop on occasion, and I sort of hope that she did hear me. It’s always a wish for the person who you feel has wronged you to finally get the hint to make the change and just be better.

It rarely works that way, which is a shame. But like I told my dad, I’m not responsible for her feelings, just like she’s not responsible for mine.

Beau and I walk silently to the car and continue to say nothing until we’re parking in front of the restaurant, where I’ll get my promised milkshake.

He shuts the car off and turns to face me, worry etched on his face.

“You know how I told my dad that I’m not responsible for her feelings?” I ask him, forcing my face to stay serious because, honest to God, I need the mood to lighten. It’s time to fuck with him just a bit.

He tilts his chin down, eyes locked on me. “I do. I think that was part of what made him actually listen to you. You did good, happy girl. Really good.”

Waving him off, I don’t let him see how much his praise affects me. I could be a goddamn actor. “Yeah, I did good. But that’s not what I’m trying to get at. I don’t want you to get any misconceptions about how this relationship is going to go.”

I bite my cheek when his brows furrow slightly and his head jerks back. “What do you mean ‘how this relationship is going to go’?”

Blinking slowly, with as much of a straight face as I can muster, I say slowly, “You are responsible for my feelings. I may not have a lot of dating experience, but if I’m not happy, that’s on you to fix. Us women have lots of hormones that we can’t always control, and I can’t always be held responsible if I get a little crazy now and then.”

“Are you serious right now?” His question comes out like he doesn’t want to set me off but can’t quite believe I’m actually being serious.

“I am. And right now, I’m feeling sad because my friend died, and I had to be mean to my dad.” I almost feel bad when his eyes soften, but then they narrow on me, and I stop myself from clapping with joy. I toss a quick sorry up to Marcus for pulling the dead-best-friend card, but a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do when she wants to make her boyfriend laugh.

Beau’s body leans forward slowly, his glare slightly intimidating, but I keep a straight face. “I ought to get you a small milkshake for being a smartass.”

My mouth drops open in shock. “But I had a hard night!”

His finger slides under my chin and snaps it shut. “Serves you right. But if you’re a good girl, I’ll still get you fries.”

“Sold! Let’s go, Cap!” I start to laugh when he grips my chin in his hand the moment I try to pull away, stopping me. My breath halts for just a moment when I feel the heat of his mouth hovering. As he speaks, I can feel his bottom lip graze mine.

“I want a kiss from my happy girl first.”

My eyes drop to his lips, then back up to his eyes, and I smile. “But… milkshakes.”

“Kiss,” he growls.

My tongue peeks out to lick my bottom lip at the sound of his lust filled voice, inadvertently swiping his. The moan that rumbles deep in his chest makes my thighs clench. Instead of climbing on top of him like I want to, I swipe my tongue across his lower lip again, more firmly this time, to tease him.

Beau’s hand grips my chin harder and the heat from his hand causes a shiver to race through my spine, my body aching over his display of need for me.

“Fuck. Kiss me, Happy.”

He sounds on the edge, somewhere between begging and taking.

“Because you were so amazing tonight, I’ll just give you a small one.”

His eyes flare with heat and I wrinkle my nose as my smile grows when he leans in to graze his lips along mine once again. Tilting his head slightly, bringing our mouths a hair’s breadth away.

“I want all of it. All of you. Give me everything, Happy.”

Leaning in, I fuse our mouths together, and slide my tongue along his to give him everything I have. Beau doesn’t release my chin. He brings his other hand up to thread through my hair and grip the back of my head, holding me close so he can dive his tongue deep inside.

Beau tastes… better than milkshakes.

He attacks my mouth with fervor, like he can’t stop until he’s consumed me and thoughts of anything but going home and riding him like the God he is escapes me. When he uses his hand on my chin to pull down, forcing me to open further for him, I moan into his mouth and claw at him to bring our bodies closer.

I don’t care if people can see us sitting here in the car, practically eating each other alive. They can be jealous. I would be if I were them because Beau’s mouth is fucking heaven. I’m not sure when our kiss slowed down, but I melt into the way that Beau is sipping from my lips. It’s like he just can’t stop, and I really really don’t want him to.

Finally, he blows out a breath against my kiss swollen mouth and grins. “Fries?”

“And a large milkshake,” I groan.

Chuckling, he pulls back and brushes my hair from my face, looking me over. I see nothing but desire and need and happiness dancing in his eyes.

“Anything for you, love.”

Chapter 33

H is for Happy

Haddie

“Look,” I tell Beau, handing him my phone. When he starts reading, his face instantly hardens, and he looks pissed as hell. “She just won’t stop,” I add unhelpfully.

“This fucking woman. I swear to God, Happy, I’m going to go over there and light both of them up.” He’s absolutely seething. I love that he’s so protective of my feelings, but I don’t want him to take this burden on for me. Frankly, responding to one of the multiple text messages I’ve received from Deborah over the past three months since I walked out of their house is not his responsibility.

“I’m just going to ignore it. Again,” I say, plucking my phone from his hands.

Neither of us has crawled out of bed yet this morning. It’s Christmas Eve… well, it’s the day of Christmas Eve if you consider that eve means evening. I think?

So, waking up to another text from Deborah attempting to guilt me into making my dad feel better sort of puts a dark snow cloud on my day.

Beau’s phone buzzes and he reaches over to grab it, reads the text, then shuts it off.

“Seriously? It’s not even eight in the morning and people are already blowing up our phones!” I grumble, feeling a little extra spiteful today.

He hurls his body quickly on top of mine, flattening me to the bed. “I need you to cheer the fuck up.” Slamming his lips on mine, he gives me a deep, urgent kiss, which quickly distracts me from our interruptions. “I’ll be right back.”

“Wait. What? You can’t do that to me! Come back here and fuck me like the goddess I am!”

Snorting at me, my boyfriend completely ignores me as he struggles into some sweatpants as quick as possible and races out of the bedroom door.

“I’m going to do it myself, then!” I yell out after him.

I grin when I hear his feet come padding back toward me and know I’ve got him when he pops his head around the doorframe. My smile falls away when he only glares at me. “Hands off the goods. I’ll touch it when I get back.”

With that order, he disappears again.

Fucking hell.

Thinking back over the text, I try my best to push away the feelings of guilt and sorrow with how I’ve had to put my foot down with my dad. It took him a few times to understand that I was serious. For a while, he kept inviting me to come over for dinner, forcing me to remind him I won’t go. We decided to meet for lunch, and he brought Deborah with him, stating that it’s not fair for me to make him exclude his wife. I, as politely as I could, told him it’s not fair to force me to spend time with someone I’m not comfortable around.

I think he finally gets it after a talk last month where I told him, ‘I need you to really hear me. Don’t ask me to reconnect with Deborah. It’s off the table and if you can’t respect that, I’m going to have to cut all ties’.

It broke his heart. I know it did, but he did promise to not bring it up again. And he hasn’t, which I appreciate. Our conversations now are stilted and superficial, but we’re having them. It’s better than nothing.

Looking up, Beau’s arrival back to our bedroom draws me out of my deep thoughts. Glancing at his hands, I see they’re empty, so I ask, “What’d you go running out of here for?”

Then I screech at him as he yanks the blankets off my body, letting all the cold air chill my skin. “Shower. I need to fuck you.”

“Alright, you caveman. You could have warmed up the water first.” I’m annoyed, but the prospect of getting up close and personal with Beau Hudson’s naked, wet body lessens the irritation.

Another scream leaves me when he drags me by the foot to the end of the bed, only to haul me up and over his shoulder, marching us to the bathroom.

He leaves me hanging with quite the view of his ass as he leans forward to turn on the water. I didn’t even see him take off his sweatpants. The movement makes me shriek again, grabbing onto his waist to keep me steady.

“Honestly, Happy, I’m not going to drop you.”

“Well, I don’t know that,” I rasp out, catching my breath from the genuine fear I felt over the possibility of my head slamming into the tiled floor.

I can already feel the heated steam warming my backside. Beau doesn’t take me off his shoulder until he’s stepping inside, making me bring up a hand to stop my head from whacking into the shower door.

“Jesus, you’re going to decapitate me,” I complain, then moan when I feel his hand trail up between my legs, his fingers sliding carefully through my folds.

“Baby, you’re already soaking for me,” he groans, clearly proud of my body’s reaction to him.

Mumbling into his back, I tell him, “I’m always ready around you, but when you toss me around, it gives my lady bits a little extra tingle down there. It’s pretty hot.”

“Good, this is gonna be quick.” Quick? Why does it have to be quick?

You’d think he’d set me down at this point, and he does move me, but not to my feet. Sliding to the front of him, he lets my legs dangle as he presses me against the cold tile wall of the shower space. Hissing in a breath, my nipples bead tightly and scrape against his chest.

“Wrap your legs around me.” He’s not messing around, so I quickly lift them around his back, crossing my ankles just above his ass.

Squinting against the water that’s hitting the side of my face, I grin up at him. “You weren’t lying wh–” My words choke out when he slams his cock inside of me, planting so deeply I can feel the base pulsing against me.

He doesn’t pull away immediately, but he reaches below me and grips my ass to hike me up higher for a better angle. Grunting once he has me in the right place, he dips his head down and whispers, “Hold on,” before thrusting his tongue into my mouth.

When he drags out of me slowly, we both moan against each other, and I frantically grab onto his slick skin as he thrusts in hard again. My fucking God, he’s going to eviscerate me this morning. The thought makes me almost giggle as he quickly pulls out and fucks into me again, harder and faster, rapidly picking up his pace.

This is straight up, animalistic fucking, and I’m so freaking here for it. His teeth are nipping at my lip as he continues to drive his tongue into my mouth in tempo with the way he’s bouncing me over and over on his cock. The position he has me in is causing him to strike deep and hard, and I can barely catch my breath. Growling against me, he tears his mouth away and lifts me higher up the wall, where I’ve slid down, reaching a hand out to the wall to brace himself while I cling to him.

He buries his face into my neck and picks up his speed even more, which I didn’t think was possible. My clit is constantly rubbing against his body as he grinds and twists his hips to get closer, whispering words I don’t immediately register. I can feel my orgasm climbing rapidly, and I claw my hands over his shoulders, crying out loudly into the space surrounding us. He doesn’t slow down, but he keeps panting out pleas against my skin.

His desperate words finally make sense to my ears, and I hear him. “Please baby, please. Come for me. I love you so fucking much, I need you to come… Can’t hold back… Need you so fucking much.”

When the tears form this time, it’s not because of hurt or pain or devastatingly life-altering sorrow. No, these tears are from an overwhelming outpouring of love and thankfulness for the man irrevocably destroying my soul right now. My body gives him exactly what he wants, what he’s begging me for.

I fucking shatter.

Screaming out a sob, I clench his skin, his hair, his neck, anything I grab hold of. Anything to get closer to him as I break apart on him. I am shaken to the core as he roars his release into me, pulsing and throbbing, filling me with everything that is him.

We’re both gasping for breath, and I can feel his legs trembling to hold us both up. The squeak of his hand on the wall as he controls us so he can sink us to the floor barely registers over the pounding of my heartbeat in my ears.

I don’t let go. I can’t let him go. Not yet.

Beau arranges us so his back is to the wall, and I ignore the chilly tiles pressed against the front of my legs that are still wrapped around him. He hasn’t pulled out and I can’t bear the thought of being separated right now.

With gentle kisses that start slowly on the crown of my head, he trails kiss after kiss across my forehead. Then my eyebrows, cheeks, jaw, neck, chin, until finally he kisses me against my lips. My throat feels raw when I swallow against all my feelings for this man. He wipes away the tears dripping down my cheeks, quick to get them before the water washes them away.

“You’re my heart, happy girl. I love you so much it hurts, right here,” he tells me, laying his hand over his chest. “I feel you here all the time and it flares to life with every smile and laugh you give me.” There’s so much emotion and promise swimming in his eyes. I know I’ll never doubt him. I’ll never doubt the way he feels about me and that he’ll always be mine. He’s my future and my family.

Nodding my head quickly, I kiss him back, then lay my head against his shoulder. “You’re my laugh, my happiness. It’s forever yours. It’ll always be yours. I love you too.” I hiccup. “So freaking much.”

I can feel his pulse racing against my ear, and I trail my finger over his skin, chasing the path of water droplets as it continues to rain down over us. There’s so much gratitude for him with the way he’s been my support, my rock, through the end of this year.

You’d think, as an author, I’d have the right words, but I can only think of one thing to tell him right now. “You’re my hero.”

Chuckling, he doesn’t say anything, just squeezes me tighter in his arms. We rest for a few minutes, just enjoying being here and together like this, curled up in the corner of the shower.

Finally, he lets out a loud sigh and says, “We should probably shower. I have a present for you.”

Whipping my head up, he avoids me cracking him in the jaw. “Present? What present? Wait, it’s not Christmas! I don’t have yours here, though. Addie was going to bring it over tonight, so I wasn’t tempted to give it to you early. It’s really good too. Oh my God, you’re going to hate me.”

Laughing loudly, he helps me stand while I ramble, excited over the prospect of a present but also nervous because I really don’t know if he’s going to love it. I got him some nice things, like a really beautiful watch to replace the one that he wears every day. His current one is all beat up, but that’s not the one I’m excited about.

I had a custom-made clipboard he can use at the football games. An artist hand-painted the Enterprise from Star Trek on the back of it, but I had her add Thor’s symbol to it. So when he covers his mouth to talk into his headset, everyone is going to be able to see it. I even had a whistle added with a couple of Excalibur swords on each side for the whole King Arthur thing, which he loves.

“Relax, Happy. This one has to be today. We’ll have our Christmas in the morning like everyone else. Hurry up. I’d probably skip washing your hair. You may need a shower again soon.” With a wink, he turns and grabs our body wash bottles that are nestled together in a holder hanging from the shower head.

“Fine, but you have to love what I got you. Please. I think it’s perfect,” I tell him, scrubbing my body and quickly rinsing off.

“I can’t wait,” he says with a grin.

The moment we’re out of there, dried and dressed, he’s practically dragging me out of the bedroom.

“Jesus, what is it? Like a bomb or something that’s going to go off in three minutes unless we disarm it for me to get to my pre–”

The sound of a tiny yip cuts me off, and I freeze.

Beau flashes me a huge, toothy grin as he walks around the counter in the kitchen, leans down for a moment, then stands.

Captain Thor is holding a tiny, dark gray, curly haired puppy in his arms.

And it’s looking right at me. Tilting my head to the side, the little guy literally does the exact same thing and I absolutely lose it.

“Oh my fucking God! You got me a puppy?”

Chapter 34

Her Laugh

Beau

“Oh my fucking God! You got me a puppy?”

Haddie’s cry pierces my ears, and I wince, covering the puppy’s ears. “Careful, you’re going to scare him,” I warn, pulling my hand away quickly when he nips my fingers. “Fuck, ouch little buddy,” I scold, shaking out my hand.

My girl is at my side before I can blink, reaching out for him. I already know he’s going to be a little shit because instead of nipping, he licks her fingers like a madman.

Haddie’s giggle comes out uncontrolled and I honestly don’t think I’ve ever seen her this happy before. This time, she whispers when she asks, “Oh my God, Beau, you actually got me a puppy?”

There’s a small moment of pure fear that she actually wouldn’t want him, but the utter devotion on her face tells me I’m being ridiculous. She’s never mentioned that she wanted a dog. After grilling her brothers for hours, I learned she asked for one for years growing up, but Deborah always said no, claiming an allergy to them.

I know I knocked this gift out of the ballpark when she blinks away a few tears, completely overcome. The puppy fights against my hold. Haddie’s broken cry of happiness when she reaches out her arms for him absolutely melts me.

“I love him so much! You know who he looks like?” she asks, never taking her eyes off of him. Once she’s got him settled in his arms, his little tongue darts out, delivering kisses all over her face and she laughs with unadulterated glee.

Leaning against the counter, I cross my arms and watch the two of them get to know each other. “Who does he look like?”

Sniffing, she rubs her eyes across her shoulder and smiles back at him, pressing kisses to his head. “He sort of looks like Marcus. With all the curly hair hanging in his head. Skinny and a little unkempt. Plus, with those brown eyes, he looks just like him.”

Snickering, I study the dog and realize there is a bit of resemblance. “Maybe a bit. I can see it.”

“Have you named him?” This time, she looks up at me, eyes sparkling with happiness.

Shaking my head slowly, I move closer to put an arm around her. I want to hold her, but I know this is all I’ll get at the moment while the puppy attempts to taste every inch of her skin. I don’t blame him. This woman tastes divine.

“I haven’t. I wanted you to pick it out. He’s your dog.”

“Barkus.”

I blink at her. “Barkus? Seriously?”

“Mhmm,” she tells me, now nose to nose with her dog. “Rhymes with Marcus. It’s pretty perfect, right?” She looks up at me owlishly and I know to say the only answer I’ll be allowed to give her.

“It’s. Perfect,” I grit out with a forced smile. It’s a ridiculous name and I can’t believe she’s going to make me call him that. What man in his right mind would be comfortable calling out for ‘Barkus’ to come back inside? None. Not a single one.

There’s a spark of evil in her eyes, and I know she’s done it on purpose. “Perfect.” She lets the world roll off her tongue, purring it out with so much promise now that I’ve agreed.

“You’re going to emasculate me.”

“Oh, absolutely. I love you for letting me.” Standing up on her toes, I ignore the dog wiggling between us when she presses her lips against mine. “Truly. Thank you so much. I love him already and I promise I’ll take such good care of him. I can tell he’s already a perfect good boy. Aren’t you, Barkus?”

She directs the last question to… Barkus, and it’s like the damn thing already recognizes his name.

We spend all afternoon getting to know our new family member. We haven’t done anything except play with him on the floor, take him for a quick walk to show him the backyard where his new toilet is, then we showed him where the kennel will be set up. For now, we decided to keep him in one of the guest bedrooms that’s right next to ours.

Haddie suggested a baby monitor, but I promised her she’ll hear him just fine. Dogs are not quiet when they want your attention, and this little guy is extra yippy. As the sky begins to darken, bringing the night quicker than we realize, the three of us are lying on the floor in the living room with Barkus knocked out between our bodies.

Haddie has her head on a pillow, just watching me while I study her. She’s unbelievably beautiful and my heart thumps hard once as I feel content knowing that this woman is going to be with me forever. I know it in my soul.

She breaks the silence first.

“I love you with all my butt.” It comes out so sweet and filled with love but has that special little Happy touch to it.

“Because your butt is bigger than your heart?” I ask her, knowing exactly what she’s trying to say.

Her eyes light up. “Yes! You’ve heard… wait, did you just tell me I have a fat ass?”

I can’t stop my eyes from rolling at her question. “Seriously?”

“Yes, seriously. It’s not a common saying. ‘I love you with all my butt because it’s bigger than my heart’. You’ve seriously heard that?” She actually looks pissed at me for disrupting her proclamation of love.

I scowl at her. I’m not completely disconnected from the world. No matter how much time I spent completely focused on sports and school, under my dad’s thumb and heavy guidance, I wasn’t disconnected.

It still blows my mind how much he’s changed since Haddie put him in his place. We actually had a very long, uncomfortable talk a few days later where I was able to express to him how I’ve always felt like I’ve been nothing but a disappointment for him. It horrified him that I felt that way and he actually got choked up, like he failed me as a father. Our discussion got heated at one point, but Rosemary Hudson was quick to rein us in with a smack to the back of our heads.

I realize my mind ran off when I find I’m still scowling at her.

“Alright,” she breathes out. “Apparently, you’ve heard it. Thanks for ruining my declaration of love here.”

Carefully leaning over the sleeping dog, I deliver a soft, but brief, kiss. “Sorry. Feel free to try again.”

Her eyes find the puppy to make sure I didn’t wake him up, and she smirks. “It’s kind of funny. He even snores like Marcus did. I bet if I told him that, he’d put his nose up at me and walk away with a snooty little strut and his tail straight up. He’s going to be sassy, don’t you think?”

My laugh rumbles out of me, and I have to bite my cheek from laughing louder when I notice myself trying to stay quiet so not to wake the dog.

“You got yourself distracted. You were professing your undying love for me.” I tap her nose and grin when she crosses her eyes, trying to follow my finger. I want to rub the skin across the bridge when she wrinkles it after I touch her.

Then her face smooths out, and she relaxes against the pillow once again. “I apologize for getting distracted. I was trying to tell you I love you more than MacGyver loves duct tape.”

I’ve been ready for the next one, and I’m determined to stick to football topics while still keeping it diverse. With exaggeration, I clear my throat and pretend to prepare myself for something great. “I love you more than coaches love sprints.”

Haddie covers her mouth, keeping the giggle from coming out. “So… wow, that must mean you love me a lot? Does that mean you’re going to give me pretend food now so you can mount me from behind?”

I can’t do anything but groan internally and shake my head at her. I literally just read her rough draft for ‘Cock-A-Doodle-Doo’. “I… I just… fuck, Happy. Your head is all over the place and I’m not sure if I should be worried or proud of the fact that I know where you’re coming from?”

A slow, radiant smile stretches across her face from where she’s watching me as she lays on the floor, snuggling the dog. “Proud. Definitely proud. Never be worried about the two of us. Well… three of us. Isn’t that right, Barkus? Who’s my good boy?”

When she speaks his name, instantly his head pops up with a quick look around. It’s like his battery just finished charging and he’s ready to go. He shoves his body right into her chest, forcing her to roll on her back with laughter as he attacks her face with more licks.

I scowl at the thing, grumbling, “I shouldn’t have given you that damn dog.”

Haddie fights against his attack in an attempt to cover his ears before glaring at me. “Beau! How could you? Dogs understand more than you know. You don’t want him to feel unwelcome in his own home, right?”

“I feel like this whole conversation has completely gone off track faster than I was ready for.” Completely derailed by the gift I thought was a good idea. I really fucking hope I don’t regret giving him to her. I’ll just need to remind myself to look at her face when she’s with him and remember her reaction when she saw him for the very first time.

“Gotta keep up or you’ll be left behind,” she teases me with a wink.

Growling playfully, I pluck the dog from her chest, ignoring her pout. “I’ll get behind you,” I tell her.

“Promises. Promises.” She puts her nose up at me and is actually acting like she’s annoyed as I carry him to his bedroom for the night.

“And that’s one promise I’ll have no problems keeping, happy girl,” I call to her over my shoulder. I can hear her movement as she quickly gets up and follows me.

She helps me get him settled into his kennel, setting one of her old t-shirts from the laundry so he’ll be able to sleep with her scent. We both tell him goodnight and I quickly plug in a night light for him, just in case.

Shutting the door, leaving it barely cracked open, we both stand outside the room, waiting to see if he’ll freak out. After a few minutes of listening to his shuffling around, we hear him plop down and let out a loud sigh, but he doesn’t whine.

“I think we got lucky,” I whisper once I lead her to our bedroom and shut the door, leaving it cracked like I did for the dog.

She giggles and just shakes her head.

“Ahh, there it is,” I groan out, tugging her into my arms.

Settling her hands on my chest, her arms pinned between us, she looks up and tilts her head in curiosity. “There what is?”

Leaning down, I stop just before our lips connect and murmur, “There’s my laugh…”

Epilogue

Life is Good

Happy

~ Four years later ~

“Momma B is doing really good, just so you know. We had her and your dad over for dinner the other night because I hadn’t seen them since the wedding.”

I tear the grass in front of me where I’m sitting cross-legged in front of Marcus’s grave. There’s a fine line I dance between visiting him too much and where I sink into a low point emotionally. I don’t know if I’d call it depression, but I think it just makes me really sad. Or I don’t visit him enough and I’m riddled with guilt.

Beau and I discussed where my happy medium should be. We’ve discovered that when I come by and fill my friend in on my major life events, I feel a sense of peace that he’s getting to share all these things with me.

“Sooo…” I drag out, yanking out another fistful of green blades. “So, obviously, we got married because I’m pretty sure I’ve been talking about it for the last two years. It was a freaking awesome party and let me tell you, the honeymoon? Chef’s kiss my friend.” I can’t help the giggle that bursts out of me when I add, “Sure hope you weren’t watching because no friend should ever see their best friend do some of the things I did that week.”

“The hell are you talking about over there?” Beau calls to me. Looking over my shoulder, I spy my husband leaning against our car with his arms crossed, scowling at me.

“None of your damn business, Captain Christopher Arthur Thor!” I shout back at him.

“For Christ’s sake,” he mumbles out.

I turn around a bit more, leaning back on my hands. “Want me to call you Daddy?”

The way he stands up straight and drops his arms to his sides, his irritation with me for grouping all of his names together fades away. “Are you talking about in a purely platonic way because I’m going to be a daddy? Or you asking in a naughty way? Like for the bedroom?”

Tilting my head, I consider his question. “Does it matter?”

“Not really,” he quickly answers.

I bite my lip and nod seriously. “Good to know. Now, if you don’t mind, I’m having a meeting.”

Waving his hand at me, he leans back into his original position to wait for me. “Carry on, happy girl.”

“Thank you,” I say snootily, then turn back to face Marcus’s headstone. “Anyway…” I drag out, then chuckle when I hear Beau sigh.

“So, yeah. That’s my big news for the visit. Totally pregnant. I’m gonna have a baby and holy shit, incubating a fetus is a lot of work. Seriously, my friend, I don’t know why people think this is the greatest thing to be blessed with, because it freaking sucks.”

I turn my eyes down to study the small swell protruding from the lower part of my stomach and run a hand over the bump. “I’m eighteen weeks and four days along. We had an appointment this morning to find out if it was a boy or girl. I really wanted to tell you first because, well… you’re my best friend.”

Leaning back again, I yell out to Beau. “I’m gonna tell him the gender of the baby!”

“You do you, baby!” he hollers back.

“I swear to Christ, Marcus, the romance is dead. Dead, I tell you! I don’t think he finds me adorable anymore. Now I’m just a fat mom that he has to watch puke all the time, who cries over poor little puppies stuck in shelters. Which, by the way, why the fuck do channels think it’s a good idea to put those on during every single break for a sitcom? I’ll be laughing like crazy, eating my ice cream and barbeque chips, minding my own business, and then boom. Fucking puppies with their sad puppy eyes, staring at me through the bars of their cages.”

Picturing the commercial as I describe it brings tears to my eyes, and I get pissed all over again. “See what I mean? I’m a goddamn hormonal fat woman who wears more crumbs on my big old fat tits instead of makeup!”

A shadow moves over me, and I feel Beau sit down behind me, his legs stretching out on either side of my crossed legs. When his arms come around me, I lean back against his chest.

“Happy, you’re fucking gorgeous. Not that there’s anything wrong with women carrying a bit of weight, you are perfectly perfect.” He rests his hand over our baby bump, and I place mine over it, holding on tightly. “This little guy is just preparing you for the hell he’s going to raise when he slips into the world, completely pain free.”

Snorting at his real fear that I’m going to suffer through delivery, I tilt my head back to kiss him under the chin. “Keep telling yourself that, buddy.”

His rumbling laugh soothes me, bringing me back to focus on my news. “Since Beau already said it, we’re totally having a boy. Can you believe it? I’m going to be a soccer mom!”

Grunting, Beau jerks me back, carefully because he’s treating me like spun glass, and hisses out, “Football mom. He can wrestle in the winter and maybe track in the spring. It’s important that he does strength training and keeps his speed up by the time football season rolls around again. Plus, there are clinics and camps we’ll have to enroll him in for the summer.”

“Mhmm,” I hum out, patting his hand. “Look at you, you already sound like your father.”

A giggle bursts out of me when I feel him freeze behind me. “You take that back.”

I shake my head quickly, still laughing at his affronted comment. “Never. But he’s been really good, so it’s not a bad thing. Marcus, Beau’s dad has been amazing. Ever since I yelled at him, he’s really tried to think before he speaks to make sure his endless amounts of advice come out in a very loving and caring way. And he totally loves me. I swear to God, when we told them we were having a baby, his entire face lit up with pride. He’s been referring to himself as grandpa ever since. It’s actually super adorable.”

“I don’t know if ‘adorable’ is the right word for him,” Beau grumbles out. But he and I both know that George Hudson has done a complete overhaul on how he speaks to his son. He’s trying, and that’s all that matters because it means he cares.

The relationship with my father, not quite so much. Our new normal has been conversations on the phone a few times a month and we meet up for lunch here and there. He’s still struggling with our ‘new normal’, one that doesn’t involve his wife. Dad will try to bring Deborah up once in a while, but I’m always quick to change the subject. I don’t hate the woman; I just don’t feel anything about her. She’s a person who I’ve chosen to not include in my life.

My brothers have all done the same in varying degrees. They haven’t completely cut her out, which I’ve never asked them to do, but they have put distance between them. From what they tell me, anytime she tries to bring me up, they put a stop to it.

Amber, I’m not sure about. We just don’t talk. There is a sadness somewhere buried deep about that, but it is what it is. I can’t force us to get along, and I can’t make her like me. From what the rest of my family tells me, she’s content in her life. Happy even. I don’t want anything less for her.

“Oh! I almost forgot to tell you! Jensen and Addie had their third kid a few weeks ago. Can you believe it? It was a girl this time, and oh man, is that baby cute!”

“She’s… something,” Beau adds, and I scowl at him.

“That baby is beautiful, and you know it.”

Smiling at me, he presses a kiss to my lips. “Well, maybe, but ours is going to be better. Anything else you want to tell him? Or are you ready for me to haul you off the ground?”

Sniffing in annoyance, I close my eyes and turn away from him. “I’m still perfectly capable of standing up all by myself. I’m not an invalid. But yes, I think I’m done.”

“We’ll see,” he murmurs, giving me another kiss, this time to the side of my head. “Say your goodbyes, happy girl. I want to feed the boy.”

My heart melts over how excited Beau has been about becoming a dad. “Thank you, daddy. I’ll be quick.”

His heated growl makes me shiver, and I bite my lip as I watch him saunter back over to the car. I turn back once more to Marcus.

I cup my mouth and whisper, “He’s so hot, right?” Laughing to myself, I let it die down and take a moment to run my eyes over the words engraved on his stone. The date of his death, September 23rd searing into my brain.

“I still miss you. So freaking much. Beau’s mom, Rosemary, was right when she told me it would get easier. And it has, but it still hurts. You took a piece of me when you died, and I’m still a little angry at you for that.”

Taking another breath, I run through the past few months since I last visited and am sad that I don’t have anything else to share with him right now. “That’s all for now, but I’ll be back to show you how big my stomach is right before I have the baby, and what we decided to name him. I love you more than cats love water glasses.”

I slide my legs under me to stand up and immediately realize that I can’t get up as easily as I thought I could. Refusing to give Beau the opportunity to say “I told you so,” I roll over to my side and get on my hands and knees, making it much, much easier to get my feet under me.

“You all good, baby?” Beau calls to me, fighting back a laugh. Glaring at him, I flip him off.

Placing a hand on top of Marcus’s stone, I whisper, “I hope you’re happy, Marcus. Thank you for being my best friend and for all the years you made me laugh. I haven’t forgotten the sound of yours.”

A sense of peace fills me as I head back to my husband, and I feel lighter. Bubbles of laughter fill me and pour out as I keep my eyes locked on the God-like man I married, and unnatural levels of happiness make tingles erupt over my skin.

I really am Happy.

Mortality/Levity

The state or condition of being subject to death.

Obsolete.

Lack of appropriate seriousness or earnestness

The treatment of a serious matter with humor

Laughter.

Hannah Banana

A Note from the Author

A HUGE thank you to my husband for giving me the time at home to write. Between both of us working full time and raising three children, it can be difficult to try to do a second thing almost full time as well. (Plenty of late nights). He’s been incredibly supportive, even though this type of genre is not his cup of tea. He hasn’t read anything yet (I’ll make him at some point), but he’s allowed me to use him as a sounding board. He’s literally my biggest support and the reason I’m writing.

Scarlett Chase, you got me through edits, proofreading, and helped polish this sucker up. :) Not only have you provided me with hours of in-depth work, but you kept me motivated and in a great state of mind while I wrote this book.

My ALPHA readers deserve a massive shout out as well! Katie Cronin and Aurora Hope read each chapter as I popped them out with immediate feedback. They laughed, cried, awed, and got angry right along with me.

To my BETA/ARC readers. Holly, Jordan, Brittany, Amanda-Jane, Jennifer, Alanys, Tonya, Miriam, Katie, Faith, and Angelica. You ALL just… made me feel like I really wrote something special here. THANK YOU SO MUCH.

Aurora Hope gets a huge shout out for not only helping me talk this story out when I felt stuck, but for also helping me with graphics and PA work!!! To let you all know a little secret, we have big plans to co-author in the near future! Keep an eye out for her, she’s gonna be big!!

Delta, you adopted me right away and said “We’re gonna do this!” and just took over my PA stuff, the social media, everything my old brain struggles to understand. You’re invaluable and so appreciated!

To you, my readers. I write stories that speak to me and are largely ones that I would want to read. Thank you so much for allowing me into your home (on your bookshelf/in your kindle) and giving up a few hours of your time. I’m speechless over the love and support that you all have shown me.

Lastly, to my sister Hannah. I hate that you gave me this story to tell, but what I hate more is that you don’t get to read it. You’re missed every day, but know that we keep you alive constantly through our words and memories. We talk about you ALL THE TIME. So, even though you aren’t with us anymore, you’re with US. Also, the kids make sure I honk my horn for you every time we drive by the cemetery. It’s their thing, and it makes them giggle. I fucking miss you.

About S. E. Green

S.E. Green is a Navy Veteran, having served for 9 years. She lives in the middle of Wisconsin with her husband, three loving children, and her mom. Wanting to do something entirely different from the work she did while she served, she joined up with her mom, where they work together to sell products in the incredibly interesting and fascinating world of insurance. (Insert sarcasm here – but seriously, I really do find insurance fascinating… it’s embarrassing)

S. E. Green is a passionate reader, some would say (her family) that she’s bordering on obsessive. She found that when she was craving certain types of books or scenes, they were difficult to find, OR she’s already read them over and over. She decided that she wanted to write exactly what she likes to read. With the groveling and the white knight and the innocent and the stalkers and the antiheroes and the alpha males and… Each piece she writes hits one of those buttons for her.

She’s just a mom with a computer and an imagination; building romance around dreams.

BOOKS BY S. E. GREEN

THE DISSONANCE SERIES (novels)

ATONE

TEACH

BREAK

LAUGH

MUTED (coming soon)

THE DISSONANCE SERIES (novels)

ROUGH (12/15/2023)

RIVAL (coming soon)

REBEL (coming soon)

ROOTS (coming soon)

THE INNOCENCE SERIES (novellas)

NORA

FAITH

EDEN

LILY

THE COMPLETE INNOCENCE SERIES

BONUS EPILOGUES (ebook only)

Thank you for Reading!

Table of Contents

Dedication

From the Author

Trigger Warnings

Song List

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Chapter 23

Chapter 24

Chapter 25

Chapter 26

Chapter 27

Chapter 28

Chapter 29

Chapter 30

Chapter 31

Chapter 32

Chapter 33

Chapter 34

Epilogue

A Note from the Author

About S. E. Green

BOOKS BY S. E. GREEN