This is a work of fiction. Any references to historical events, real people, or real locales are used fictitiously. Other names, characters, places and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination and her crazy friends. Any resemblance to actual events, locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

This book is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. It cannot be re-sold, reproduced, scanned or distributed in any manner whatsoever without written permission from the author.

Copyright © 2018 Stacey Marie Brown

All rights reserved.

Published by: Twisted Fairy Publishing Inc.

Cover by Hang Le (https://www.facebook.com/designsbyhangle)

Developmental Editor Jordan Rosenfeld (http://jordanrosenfeld.net)

Edited by Hollie (www.hollietheeditor.com)

Formatting by www.formatting4U.com

ALSO BY STACEY MARIE BROWN

Contemporary Romance

Buried Alive

Paranormal Romance

Darkness of Light

(Darkness Series #1)

Fire in the Darkness

(Darkness Series #2)

Beast in the Darkness

(An Elighan Dragen Novelette)

Dwellers of Darkness

(Darkness Series #3)

Blood Beyond Darkness

(Darkness Series #4)

West

(A Darkness Series Novel)

City in Embers

(Collector Series #1)

The Barrier Between

(Collector Series #2)

Across the Divide

(Collector Series #3)

From Burning Ashes

(Collector Series #4)

The Crown of Light

(Lightness Saga #1)

Lightness Falling

(Lightness Saga #2)

The Fall of the King

(Lightness Saga #3)

Rise from the Embers

(Lightness Saga #4)

Dedicated to those who understand:

It’s through the shattered pieces

you find yourself.

Table of Contents

Chapter 01

Chapter 02

Chapter 03

Chapter 04

Chapter 05

Chapter 06

Chapter 07

Chapter 08

Chapter 09

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Chapter 23

Chapter 24

Chapter 25

Chapter 26

Chapter 27

Chapter 28

Chapter 29

Chapter 30

Chapter 31

Chapter 32

Chapter 33

Chapter 34

Chapter 35

Broken Love Excerpt

Acknowledgments

About The Author

Chapter One

My body floated and spun, rolling as if I were strapped to the wings of a wounded bird. Plunging to the harsh terrain below. For one moment it was beautiful, like I was flying, soaring high and free.

Then I dropped from the sky.

Glass splintered, metal crunched and wailed. Pain stole my breath and ripped away my senses like plucked feathers.

Then…nothing.

No sounds.

No taste.

No feeling.

No me.

Only darkness.

“Jaymerson!” My name rang down the hallway. I smiled but did not respond to the voice as I opened my locker. “Hey.” Arms circled my waist and pulled me into the athletic form behind me. A kiss landed on my neck. “You still need me to take you home after football practice?”

I swiveled around in his arms, my five-foot-four frame dwarfed by his six-three height. I stared up into vibrant, playful blue eyes. My eye color was more steel blue, like an ocean in a storm.

Colton Harris embodied the stereotype of the popular boy: wealthy, gorgeous, a football star in a town where people worshipped the game beyond reason. Everyone in town treated him like a celebrity. The whole team was. And if they won another state championship, I was sure the governor would build a statue in their honor. I didn’t help with the cliché. The football star dating the cheerleader.

“Yeah. My dad had to take the car.” I wrapped my arms around his neck. “I have cheerleading practice, then I’ll come over and wait for you.”

His full lips spread into a huge smile, lighting up his face. He leaned down to kiss me. “And then…” His lips found mine again. “Tonight we are going to McKee’s party.” Senior year had just begun. McKee had a lot of parties, but his welcome-back-to-school ones were notorious.

“Sounds fun.” I tipped my head back and our kiss deepened. I didn’t want the year to end. I enjoyed school and my life: Colton, cheerleading, friends, parties. I got top grades and knew I would be nominated for homecoming princess because of Colton. Life was good.

“Get a room,” a guy said behind us, slamming his hand down on Colton’s shoulder. “Or a shower. And can I watch?”

“Keep wishing, Adam.” Colton snorted and turned to his friend. Adam was about five-eight, thin but built. What he lacked in height, he made up for in speed on the field. He had been Colton’s best friend since grammar school. “The only one watching my girl in the shower is me.”

I stepped away, my back pressing into the lockers. My gaze darted to the side, embarrassment heating my face.

“Too bad.” Adam grinned. He had one of those huge smiles, which encompassed his face, causing an irresistible need to grin back. His dark skin highlighted his contagious smile. He patted Colton again. “See you in a few minutes. Heard Coach is on a rampage today after finding out McKee and Speedy got pulled over by the cops last night. Again.”

Colton groaned and dropped his head forward.

In our small town everyone knew each other. Because members of the football team were treated with celebrity status, I had no doubt they’d been let off with merely a warning.

“Okay, I’ll be there in a few.” Adam nodded and walked away. I gave him a small wave.

Colton’s hands came down on my waist, turning my attention back to him. He reached up, sliding his fingers through my long ponytail. The summer left my normally chestnut-brown hair streaked with golden blonde and caramel. “If Coach is in a mood, practice might go longer.”

I pinched my lips together. I hated not having a car of my own. Colton never had that problem. He came from one of the wealthiest families in the town. He had a brand-new car waiting on the day he turned sixteen.

“I’ll wait.” I shrugged.

Colton’s phone buzzed, and I couldn’t keep a small sigh from rising. I teased him all the time that he had a closer relationship with his cell than me. It was always buzzing, beeping, and singing, no matter what time of day. Everyone wanted a piece of the golden boy.

I watched him pull it out of his pocket. “Who is it this time?”

His face was unreadable as he looked at it then shoved it in his pocket. “Uh. Hunter.” Colton brushed a hand over his dark hair. He kept it short and perfectly styled.

I wrinkled my nose, a sour taste filling my mouth at the sound of his twin’s name. Hunter Harris was someone I tried to avoid at all costs.

“I know he’s a freak, but he is my brother.” Colton leaned his head against mine. “Can you pretend to like him?”

“Does he pretend to like me?”

Colton laughed. “Fair enough.”

“I am the cuter one.” Colton pressed me into the lockers, his hands sliding over my shorts and tank, up to my face. He nuzzled my neck.

“You’re twins.” I planted my hands on either side of his face, pulling up his head. “Identical.”

They were clones of each other, down to the dimple in their left cheek. But even though Hunter and Colton were physical clones, their personalities couldn’t have been more different. Colton’s looks were GQ while Hunter’s scruff and tattoos would have been more at home in a motorcycle gang. Hunter hung out with the losers, getting high under the football bleachers, if he decided to show up for school at all. He passed his classes because the teachers were afraid of failing him, undoubtedly because his family practically owned this town.

We had two classes together last year, and we had been paired up in English to do a project together. He barely talked, and when he did, it was to disagree with me on everything. It had been a long, hellish week. Thank goodness I only had one class with him this year, and he sat in the back. Our dislike of each other was the one thing we both agreed on. We stayed away from each other. Far away.

“Not completely identical.” Colton’s eyes sparked, his eyes dipping to his pants. “Maybe something you can fully discover tonight?”

My shoulders tightened, and I glanced away.

Colton let out an irritated growl, and he stepped away from me. “We can’t even tease about this anymore? Will you just think about it? We’ve been together for a year.”

My family moved to town the year before, and I had only been in school a week when Colton shamelessly started flirting with me. By the following weekend we were together. I went from having no friends to a built-in group, which came with Colton. The girls in his crowd talked me into trying out for cheerleading. Within two weeks my life was set and everything in place. Simple and perfect.

“I told you I’m not ready.” Anger shot through me, and I clenched my hands into balls. Sex was a sore subject with us.

I turned to my locker and grabbed my bag, slamming my locker door before heading for the exit. The students had mostly dissipated after the last bell, leaving a few stragglers wandering the hall this Friday afternoon.

“Jayme,” Colton called after me. His hand clutched my elbow, turning me as I walked out the main doors into the afternoon sun. “I’m sorry.” We faced each other on the top stoop. “Really sorry. Forgive me?” He cocked one eyebrow, the dimple in his cheek showing. “Pleeeeaaasse?”

“Damn you.” I shook my head, fighting back the smile tugging at my lips.

“You can’t be mad at me.” He circled his arms around my waist and kissed my nose.

“No.” I went up on my toes, pressing my mouth to his. “I can’t.”

His lips opened mine, kissing me hard, before he stepped away. A grin smothered his face. “See you later.” He winked and jogged off toward the field. He turned toward me, running backward. “Love you.” His goofy grin ate up the last bit of my irritation.

Colton turned, running faster when a whistle blew from the far end of the field, not waiting for me to say it back.

Chapter Two

Voices, low and undisguisable, poked at my comfortable obscurity. The blackness was soft clouds, and I sank into their protective bubble where time, reality, and I were intangible things. I drifted around like an atom, neither concerned nor bothered by anything. I didn’t ask myself if I were dead, or if I understood the connection between life and death.

The outer noises prodded me to the surface, the darkness turning from black to milk chocolate. The rich depth thinned out and turned lighter and lighter until I flinched. The light breaking in blinded me. My lids lifted then closed. A groan came from my raspy throat.

“Jaymerson?” A woman’s voice broke into my eardrums.

Slowly I tried to pry my lashes apart. They felt like they had been glued shut.

“JayJay? Oh my god. Nurse! She’s awake!”

Blurry objects filled my vision but cleared with every blink. Then a woman’s face was over me. Tears streamed down her cheeks, glinting in her russet-colored eyes. A smile pinned her lips up in a pained but elated expression.

“Oh, my baby girl.” She squeezed my arm, moving close to me.

I stared at her. My brain circled around, trying to comprehend what was going on. A basic recognition of the woman followed swiftly.

“Mom?” I croaked.

“Yes, baby. I’m here.” She sat on the edge of my bed.

A woman with coffee-colored skin dressed in scrubs came up to me. “Hello, Jaymerson. You finally decided to join us again.” She grasped my wrist, tugging on her stethoscope. Her nametag read Shelly.

“Your father is going to be happy you’re awake.” Liquid tumbled down my mother’s face faster than she could wipe it away.

“Your vitals look good, Jaymerson,” the short, curvy nurse said, her smile warm and comforting. “We were worried about you.” She placed my arm back to my side.

I watched her from a strange distance. I was here in my body, but I didn’t feel completely tethered to it, as if I could still float away if someone didn’t secure me. My mind wrestled to take in everything coming at it. I concentrated on every word they said and tried to make sense of it, but I couldn’t. It was exhausting, like I was running uphill with a twenty-pound weight on my back. I pressed back into the pillows; my lids fluttered, trying to stay up.

“Mrs. Holloway, she’s going to need her rest. You can call from the nurses’ station.”

“I can’t leave her, Shelly.” My mom stroked my cheek. It was the first time I noticed the strange pressure of a tube in my nose helping me breathe.

“You need your rest too, Amy. You haven’t left her side in days.”

Amy. Yes, my mother’s name.

“Not till she’s asleep.” Her words were a lullaby. My eyes could no longer fight, and I succumbed to her suggestion.

Colton took my hand as we went up the walkway to the imposing Georgian-style mansion on the hill Jason McKee called home. It was walking distance from the Harris’s enormous columned home, but Colton drove because my house was across town and picking me up was what he called his “boy-friendly” duties.

“Have I told you, you look amazing?” He squeezed my fingers.

I glanced down at my black sundress and knee-high boots. Compared to some of the girls in Colton’s group, I tended to dress less sexy and more low key. “Thank you.” I moved my body closer to his. Music pumped from the house. The front door was open, and people wandered in and out freely.

We stepped into the foyer. My house didn’t have a foyer. Or a sunroom. Or pool. Actually, my entire house could fit into their kitchen and living room. Ours was more of a cottage, but it allowed my little sister and me to have our own rooms, which we didn’t have in our last house. My sister recently turned five, and I was grateful for our own spaces.

“Harris!” Several football team members hollered as we walked in the door. Colton was quickly absorbed by his buddies. They patted, hugged, and slapped each other on the shoulder like they hadn’t seen each other in years instead of a few hours.

“Think our captain needs a drink, rookie.” Adam nudged one of the new players.

The boy’s eyes widened and he nodded with eagerness. “What can I get you?”

“Think me and my girl would like a beer—” Colton hardly finished his sentence before the new player ran off to fulfill the wish of his illustrious captain.

I didn’t want one. Colton seemed to forget I didn’t like to drink, and if I did, not beer. Every time I tried to drink and relax, I envisioned my parents’ faces and slumped shoulders of disapproval. They wanted nothing to get between me and a good college, and the only way we could afford one was if I got a scholarship.

“Love the rookies.” Adam flapped his arms wildly, like he’d already had a few. His dark chocolate skin didn’t show the rosiness of alcohol, but his limbs were loose and his eyes couldn’t focus.

“Jayme! Colton!” A girl’s voice rang over the music. Savannah came bouncing up, her long dark brown hair pleated in a messy, sexy fishtail braid that hung over one shoulder. Her cutoff jean shorts were so short the pockets hung below. She wore high-heeled boots and a purple low-cut tank top. Her black, lacy bra was almost completely on display. She was beautiful and captain of the cheerleading squad, and one who immediately “adopted” me when I began dating Colton. She had talked me into trying out for the squad. I had a feeling even if I were bad, I still would have made the team.

“You’re finally here. You took forever.” She looped her arm through mine, walking with us as we made our way through the throng of people in the living room.

The entire school looked to be here, along with Jason McKee’s parents, Carrie and Dan. They were the type who wanted to show they were still young and cool. They smoked weed and provided alcohol. Their rule was you had to stay if you participated in those things, but with no one enforcing them, the rules were blatantly ignored. They actually made a great cover for a party. “Don’t worry, Mom and Dad, his parents will be there.”

“Oh no, there’s Carrie. She still hasn’t forgiven me for breaking up with Jason. Again.” Savannah slipped from my arm and darted for the kitchen, getting lost in the crowd.

“Jaymerson!” Carrie squealed from the sliding door. She ran up and gave me a hug. She was a tiny blonde, dressed in a turquoise-and-yellow flowy dress and expensive jeweled sandals. A gold band wrapped around her head. Both she and Dan were the modern, sophisticated hippies. “Oh, and Colton.” She hugged him. “How is the season looking? Dan and I have our hotel booked in Florida already.”

“We have to make state again before we go there, Carrie.” She had long ago trained us out of calling her Mrs. McKee.

“Please. You boys could do it in your sleep.” She swished her hand. “Jason needs to cut his running time down. Don’t be easy on him this year, Captain. Especially after his stunt last night. Ugh. Boys.” She rolled her eyes then squeezed Colton’s arm, giving him a wink. “Now, go have fun. Be young and beautiful.” She motioned us toward the kitchen.

The rookie returned with two beers in his hand, handing them to us. Colton slammed his down in a couple of gulps. “You drinking your beer?” I shook my head. He took mine and slammed it back. “Don’t look at me like that, Jayme.” He rolled his eyes.

“I wasn’t.”

“Yes, you were. Stop giving me the ‘judgy’ eyes and have fun. It’s our senior year.” He grabbed a Jell-O shot off the table and swallowed it, then handed me one.

My fingers gripped the plastic cup.

“Come on, let’s be crazy tonight.” He bounced on his feet, still full of adrenaline from practice and the alcohol coursing through his veins. I nodded and downed the gelatin mixture. He let out a whoop and tugged me out where our friends were dancing.

I should have fun. Act my age for once.

Chapter Three

“Jaymerson? Open your eyes.” A smooth voice urged me awake.

I opened my eyes. A striking African-American woman looked down at me and smiled with a familiarity I did not reciprocate. My eyes landed on her name tag: Dr. Felicia Williams. My mother sat in the chair next to me.

“I’m glad you came back to us,” the doctor said.

It was the second time someone said this to me. They spoke as if a lot of time had passed. I tried to speak, but words struggled to get beyond my throat.

“It’s all right. Take your time. The tube we removed from your throat will cause it to be sore for a while.” The doctor peered down at me. “Do you remember how you got here?”

I stared at her, trying to center my thoughts. How did I get here? Why was I here? What happened?

“Do you know where you are, Jaymerson? Nod if you do.”

I stared at her, my brain trying to grasp a memory. Nothing stuck.

“Can’t she remember?” My mother’s voice rose in panic.

“I’m trying to discover that, Mrs. Holloway. Jaymerson suffered major trauma to her body and swelling in her brain. She might experience some confusion, even amnesia, for a while. But in case, I’m going to lower the morphine, which could be keeping her memory foggy.”

“Will she be in pain, though?”

“Mrs. Holloway, your daughter is likely to experience pain for some time. Mentally and physically.” Dr. Williams turned, as though to walk out the room. “I’ll give you a few minutes alone before she needs to rest. Staying awake even for a few minutes at a time can be taxing on her system.”

My mother nodded. Her dark brown disheveled bun bobbed loosely back and forth. Strain wore heavily on her makeup-less face.

I sensed pressure on my hand, and I slowly turned my head to see her fingers wrap over mine. Even the small movement was like rolling through sticky oatmeal. Tubes and needles stuck from the veins in my arms, dripping liquid into my system.

Tears flooded her eyes as she swallowed. I could see her fighting back the emotion wanting to burst out. “Your father keeps missing the times you’re awake. I’ll make sure you get to see him and Reece next time.” She took her brown eyes off mine and glanced at the beeping monitor. “They miss you so much. Do you remember me? Your father and little sister?”

Remember? My mind couldn’t focus on anything too long to remember. I understood she was my mother, but like it was instinct. Father. Sister. Yes, those came with the same inherent knowledge. Beyond that, I felt exhausted. Fear clenched my lungs, keeping me from pushing past the wall blocking my memories.

“Please…” my mom whispered. She looked tired, drained. “Tell me you remember us.”

It took all my energy to force my head up and down. I didn’t even realize my lids closed, but I heard her sigh. Her hair and forehead touched the top of my hand before sleep claimed me.

“Chug! Chug! Chug!” The crowd in the kitchen chanted, circling around the man they worshipped.

I grasped the counter; the four Jell-O shots I swallowed spun my head. I watched Colton finish another beer and toss up his arms.

“Whooo!” Colton screamed to the crowd cheering around him.

“Colton is awesome.” Savannah stumbled over to me and grabbed my shoulder to hold herself up. “Seriously, you two are so cute. I’m kinda jealous.” She laughed. “Did I ever tell you we kissed once?”

“No.” My head jerked to her, making it spin more.

“Don’t worry. It was like when we were seven. We were playing spin-the-bottle.” She nudged my shoulder. “I’ll bet he doesn’t even remember it.” Even in my hazy state I saw sadness flicker through her expression before she turned to me with a huge smile plastered on her face. “Let’s go dance.” Without waiting for my reply, she pulled me into the living room. I swayed to the music next to Savannah, Madison, Chloe, and a few other girls from the squad. Sweat from the humid night and packed room clung to our bodies.

“Sexy,” Colton’s voice rumbled in my ear, and his body pressed into my back, moving with me. His hands wandered down my hips, my dress slipping up with his caresses.

“Hey.” I snatched the hem, pulling it back down.

“Come with me.” He grabbed my hand, pulling me toward the stairs.

“You two have fun.” Savannah’s twinkly laugh followed me. I could feel my cheeks burst with embarrassment. With our group of friends nothing seemed private, and everyone told each other everything, directly or through implication.

“Colton?” I took the steps and trailed him. I could sense eyes from below watching us head to a bedroom. They would assume we were going to have sex, but it was the one thing I wasn’t ready for. Not now. And especially not here.

He tugged me into one of the many guest rooms and slammed the door. The moment it was closed his hands were all over me.

“Colton. Hey.” I grabbed his face. “Slow down.”

“Sorry.” He leaned his head against mine, his lids low, his cheeks flushed. “You’re just so damn sexy.” He kissed me. I kissed him back. He slowly moved me to the bed and gently nudged me back. His lips never left mine as he crawled over me, his mouth becoming more fevered.

Colton’s push for sex started a few months after we started to date. We actually broke up for two months over it. It wasn’t until a night at the lake, at the end of school last semester, Colton let down his walls, and I truly fell in love with him. It was me who instigated it that night. He was the one who halted it. He blamed it on not having protection and not being the right place. I was embarrassed and hurt even though he had been right to stop it then. I no longer felt “ready.” Sex put a slight strain on our relationship. In everything else Colton was fun, laid back, and carefree, easy to be around and always the life of the party.

Now it was easy to get caught up in the sensation of his lips on mine and the silk of his fingers sliding down my arm. Our kiss deepened. Did I want to cross the line tonight? We’d come extremely close on several occasions. All stopped by me, except one—the night at the lake. I loved him, so why did I keep stopping us?

I let his hand wander, drifting up my thigh, pushing my dress up. “I want you, Jaymerson,” he whispered hoarsely in my ear. “Now.”

The moment he voiced his desire, the paralyzing fear set in.

He sensed me tense up. “No.” He jerked back, cupping my face. “Don’t do that. I love you. I want to be with you.”

“I know, but…”

“Do you love me?” He kept his gaze locked on mine, almost challenging me.

“Yes.” I nodded. “I’m still scared.”

He leaned in, barely a breath away from me. “There is nothing to be afraid of.” He closed the gap, his mouth soft and hungry. “You are the only one I see in my future,” he mumbled against my lips.

I wasn’t waiting for marriage or anything, but his words eased the fear our relationship was solely about the challenge of getting in my pants. That once he “conquered” me he’d be gone.

“I’m completely in love with you, Jaymerson.”

This time my lips found his, pushing past the anxiety eating at me. Fear would never go away no matter what. I wanted to get beyond it…for Colton.

He sensed my resolve vanishing, his fingers pushed through my hair, bringing my face closer. His lips quickly moved down my neck, his hands slid my dress straps down my shoulders. My nerves rocketed around inside me, but I willed them still, focusing on his touch. He ripped off his shirt over his head, then pressed himself to me with more vigor.

This was happening. Tonight I would lose my virginity… Here? At Jason McKee’s guest bedroom, where countless girls had lost theirs?

“Colton. Wait.” I put a hand to his chest.

“What?” His brows furrowed in confusion and desperation. “Why?”

“Not here.” I shook my head. “You were the one who stopped us from doing it in the back of your car. Well, I don’t want to be here. With everyone downstairs.”

He leaned back on his knees, a frown tugging at his mouth. “I’m all for revisiting the back of my car. I’m definitely okay with it tonight.”

I laughed, pushed him off, and sat up.

“Seriously, Jaymerson. You are killing me.” He groaned, flopping on his back. Right then a rap tune sang, vibrating from his jeans. He looked down and grabbed the mobile from his pocket. “Yeah?” He brought the phone to his ear. “What?” He sat up, responding to the caller on the other end. “Now?”

I stood and straightened my dress, watching Colton’s face line with displeasure.

“Yeah, okay. I’ll meet you outside.” He hung up.

“Who was that?” I asked.

“Hunter,” he replied. He grabbed his shirt and pulled it back on. “He needs to talk to me.”

“Now?”

Colton nodded with a huff, his hand dropping to my lower back as he ushered me toward the door.

“Why?” I let Colton guide me down the hall to the stairs.

“You know Hunter. Some issue he’s going through.”

I knew Hunter as well as I would know a distant cousin. Our paths crossed on occasion after the class project together, and being Colton’s twin, I was bound to interact with him. He was unfriendly and abrupt with me, but in the last couple of months, if I did see him, he was an outright jerk. Only because of Colton did I tolerate him. Colton seemed to be constantly running to his aid. I gave him a wide berth. The boy had only two moods: surly and argumentative or silent and brooding.

“Great.” I sighed. “What did he do now?”

Colton shrugged and clasped my hand as we reached the bottom. We worked our way through the throng of people toward the front door.

“Already done?” Jason walked by and bumped Colton’s shoulder. Jason was a few inches shorter than Colton. He was blond and pale like his mom but had his father’s strong square jaw. He was good looking, in the typical, almost ordinary way. “No wonder she doesn’t look very happy.”

“Shut up, McKee. I can please my girl just fine,” Colton hollered back. “Think you should be wondering why Savannah dumped you. Again. Maybe you’re not up to par.”

“No. I’m just too much to handle.” McKee wiggled his eyebrows at us and spun back to the depths of the party. Colton turned and grabbed the door.

I understood Colton’s reaction in wanting to appear like we had sex, but it still embarrassed me. We already fought about it once tonight, so I didn’t want to go around over it again.

The warm September night relieved us a little from the heat inside the house. The full moon shined down, illuminating the circular driveway and the shadows made by the trees lining it.

Colton jogged down the steps, putting his phone back to his ear.

The Harris’s house was close, and I knew Hunter would walk over. “I’m here,” a deep voice called from the dark. I jumped, twisting to see a large outline move out of the shadows. His broad shoulders and scruffy appearance gave me an irrational chill.

“Jeez, Hunter. You trying to be even creepier?” A goofy smile rolled over Colton’s mouth.

“Just keepin’ it real.” Hunter strolled up, serious where Colton was lighthearted. I could never tell when Hunter was joking. Hunter glanced over at me then looked away with annoyance.

Yeah, the same to you, I thought.

Hunter flicked his head for Colton to follow him.

“I’ll be right back.” Colton squeezed my hand and pulled me into him. He leaned down, his lips meeting mine gently. I thought he would pull away, but instead he kissed me deeper.

I could feel Hunter watching us. The burning of his stare pricked at my skin. “Any time now,” he snarled.

I pulled away first, heat rouging my cheeks.

“Sorry.” Colton grinned, glancing over his shoulder. “Couldn’t help it.”

Hunter clenched his jaw and gave Colton a pointed look.

Colton distinguished its meaning, reacted instantly, and joined Hunter on the other side of the driveway. They stood far enough out of earshot, and I could only make out mumbled voices.

I casually meandered around the drive, appearing to be waiting for them, while I moved in closer. I was curious. Hunter always seemed to be in some trouble. It wasn’t surprising. Drugs. Fights. Reports about being arrested and even rumors about him having a baby with some one-night stand.

Twin or not, it was amazing how patient and caring Colton was after the countless times his brother called on him to bail him out. Even though Colton was good about never telling me directly about his brother’s personal problems, I could figure some of them out.

Their voices grew a little more distinct the closer I got.

“Now? It’s that important?” Colton sighed.

“Yes.”

“Can’t you deal with it?” Colton asked, a slight pleading in his tone. “Come on, it’s McKee’s first party of the year. I’m with Jaymerson. Do you really need me?”

Hunter grunted, irritation thick in his throat.

“Can’t you leave me out of this, Hunter? I don’t want any part of it.”

Through the murky shadows I saw Hunter shake his head. “It’s important. You know I wouldn’t be here otherwise.”

Colton bowed his head in defeat. “Fine.”

What had Hunter got himself into this time? And what was he involving Colton in?

Colton took in a huge breath, swiveling around. “Jayme? I’ve got to go.”

I had overheard but feigned innocence. “What? Where are you going?”

Colton loped back over to me. “I’m sorry. Hunter needs me.” He thumbed back at the figure. “I can drive you home first.”

I tilted my head, a stab of anxiety tingling the back of my neck. “You’ve been drinking.”

“Don’t start.” His shoulders slumped down with aggravation, rolling his eyes. “I’m fine. I had, like, two beers.”

“No, you had five.” And three Jell-O shots, I thought as I twisted my hands, my feet shifting underneath me.

“Seriously, Jayme, you need to relax.” He did seem okay. He even balanced on one leg to prove he was in control. “See?” He kissed my forehead quickly before heading for the car.

“Hey, asshole,” Hunter called out. “You aren’t driving.”

“Really?” Colton held up his keys, wiggling them around as he opened the car door. “Looks like it to me.”

“Col-ton,” I called his name, my legs moving toward the car wanting to stop him. The engine fired to life. “Colton!”

The brake lights ignited, the car squealing as he reversed. Hunter grabbed me, pulling me to the side as the SUV veered around, the driver’s window stopped in front of us.

“Seriously, both of you need to chill out. Look at me. I’m totally fine.”

I’d seen him drunk before, and he usually got rosy cheeks and turned into a giggly juvenile. Still, I wanted to say no, refuse to let him drive. Instead, I bit my lip. I didn’t want to ruffle feathers or cause another fight between us. I sighed, walked around to the passenger side, and climbed in.

I knew I could be uptight. Colton was constantly teasing me about how I followed the rules. I wasn’t a goody-goody, but I didn’t like disappointing or upsetting people. Playing by the rules was easier.

“Colton, come on.” Hunter’s jaw clenched, trying to grab the door handle. “Let me drive.”

“My car.” Colton rolled the car forward, breaking off Hunter’s hold.

I clipped on my seatbelt, watching the two brothers.

“You coming or not?” Colton snarled at Hunter as he lifted his foot off the brake, the car darting forward again. “You’re the one who needs me. I personally would rather stay here partying with my friends or be upstairs, alone with my girl. Actually having fun.”

Hunter’s gaze darted away, and he rubbed the scruff on his chin. Finally his shoulders sank with defeat, and he climbed into the back of the SUV.

I caught his gaze as he got in, and I turned away. We both were excellent at pretending the other wasn’t there.

Colton reached over, switching on the stereo. Hip-hop music erupted out of the speakers, blasting my eardrums with jovial beats.

“Ugh.” Hunter clasped his hands over his ears. “Turn that shit off.”

“My car, my music,” Colton said into the rearview mirror, maneuvering the SUV around the horde of parked cars. He pulled onto the private country road. There were no street lamps, but the moon was so dazzling it reflected off the hood, almost blinding me.

“Seriously. I think my ears are bleeding,” Hunter grumbled from the backseat. My response? I leaned over and turned up the volume. I didn’t care for Colton’s music either, but if it ticked off Hunter, I was all for it.

Colton smirked, putting one hand in the air for me to high-five. The car swayed to the side of the one-lane road.

“Fuck, Colton! Watch where you’re going. There’s a cliff straight down there, you know?” Hunter shouted over the song.

“I know, jerk-face. I’ve grown up on this road my whole life too,” Colton said, his attention on his brother through the mirror. The car swerved, cutting near the side of the mountain.

“Whoa.” Colton corrected the car, cutting around the first curve perfectly. Colton’s pants pocket vibrated. He tugged out his cell, and his gaze darted to the screen.

Right then lights from a car cut around the corner.

“Colton!” My hand grabbed for the steering wheel. He slammed on the brakes, yanking the wheel out of my grip, curving us head on into the vehicle. The other car skidded across the rocks, smashing into our SUV and denting my side of the car with a piercing crunch. Like a carnival ride, we flew and flipped through the air. A scream tore from my lungs as we smashed back down, sliding and rolling down the ravine. I felt the nauseated sensation of not knowing which way was up, as if I had just climbed into the washing machine and put myself on spin cycle.

The seatbelt cut into my stomach and shoulder as it held me in place. Colton stayed suspended in the air as the motion of the car turned, but the moment the roof made contact with the ground, he crashed into it with bone-crunching force. The car continued to roll and slide down the mountain until it slammed into something—I couldn’t see what. All around me metal twisted in agony. Then everything suddenly stopped.

Silence.

Nothing.

Chapter Four

My eyes popped open as I gasped awake with a wail. The blockade usually keeping my memories at bay crashed into me, drowning me.

Laughing. Kissing. Colton’s smile. Hunter. Lights. Screams. Bones crunching. Darkness.

“Jaymerson?” a voice spoke from the door. A figure stood silhouetted in the doorway.

My throat tightened, memories of the night…the accident...

“Hey, honey, it’s okay. I’m here.” I turned to see my mother running up to me, setting a cup of coffee on the side table.

I tried to sit up, but my body wouldn’t obey. “Mom,” my voice cracked. “Colton?”

A film of tears covered her pupils, lines sank around her eyes.

“Where is he?” I could only speak in a harsh whisper. “Is he okay?”

Mom’s mouth pinched together. She took my hand. “I am sorry, sweetie.”

An avalanche of dread slid down my throat, lumping in my intestines.

“The accident was bad…he didn’t…”

“No.” I cut her off before she could say more. If she didn’t say it, then it wasn’t true. “No.” I shook my head violently, the tubes in my nose hissing at the jerky movements. The heart monitor next to me spiked in my ears and sounded like thudding drums, as if it was a soundtrack warning me of doom ahead.

“Hunter is…”

“Shut up. You’re lying to me.” The voice I used sounded foreign and strangled, a wild animal wounded and chained up. The tubes connected to me felt like ropes or snakes, alive and strangling. They kept me pinned in place, forcing me to listen and understand everything happening. A wild cry broke from my chest as I yanked at the needles in my arms.

“Jaymerson, stop!” Mom tried grabbing for my hands, but I pulled them out before she could stop me.

Beeeeeeeeeep.

The shrill sound echoed off the walls, bouncing back in my face. Reminding me this wasn’t a nightmare.

No. No. No. This can’t be real.

An image of Colton filled my head. Us sitting on his tailgate, legs swinging. The lake. Music in the distance. The look in his eyes as he turned to me.

The boy I fell in love with that night.

Gone.

I started to scream.

Three nurses ran into the room; their words blended into more noise that strained my nerves. Their hands stopped me from pulling out more of the intrusive needles and repressing binds. The one thing I understood was I needed to flee the truth heading my way, to outrun it and hide.

My hands obeyed the need to escape, but my legs wouldn’t move. I bit my lower lip with a grunt, all my focus on my legs, shrieking for them to move. Another wave of sickening dread gripped me, and sweat trickled down the back of my neck. Why weren’t my legs moving? It took me a moment to realize I was adding to the noise as my wild grunts and wails vibrated and volleyed in the space.

“Calm down, Jaymerson.” A nurse I recognized from when I first woke up, Shelly, pressed down on my shoulder, pushing me back into my pillow.

“Why can’t I move?” I screeched.

No one answered.

My mom cried out, her hand over her mouth as she watched me. Two nurses held me against the pillow as another grabbed a syringe, stabbing it into my arm. Only a few beats later, the fight in my body gave out, and I sank down, my head drooping to the side.

“She should be calm for a bit.” Shelly put a hand on my mother’s shoulder. “Jaymerson is strong, Amy. She’ll get through this.”

A choked cry came from under my mother’s hand, her lids closed, and she nodded. The nurse squeezed her shoulder and left the room, the other two following behind.

“Amy?” A man came jogging into the room. “What happened? Is Jayme okay?”

My heart called out for my father, but no words made it to my mouth.

Mom turned into my father’s chest, sobs wracking her body. He wordlessly wrapped his arms around her and held her.

The love between them, the implicit bond, emanated off the pair, choking me. He kissed her head and glanced over at me.

I remembered when I’d felt it with Colton. A connection so deep I knew I could finally let my heart go, and it would be safe. It didn’t last, but even getting a taste of it made me jump in every day hoping we could get it back.

My lids slid shut, and I sank into a sea of pain…slipping deep into the darkness, before opening up on a memory, like a movie theater.

“The lake?” Colton glanced at me from the driver’s seat. The glow from the dashboard displayed only half of his face. The moonless night darkened the road in deep shadows.

“Yeah.” I nodded firmly. We had known each other nine months and dated seven of those. We didn’t talk about the two when we broke up. Tonight was our anniversary from when we first started dating.

It was the first time he asked me what I wanted to do, and I snatched up the opportunity eagerly. We usually did fancy dinners, which only made me stiff and awkward the whole night. I hated going to those places but never told him. He always looked so pleased with himself. He thought he was being the perfect boyfriend and doing the thing all the other girls seemed to desire. I didn’t want to take that away from him.

Tonight I didn’t want to sit through another dinner that was supposed to be romantic but only seemed to produce the exact opposite emotions from me.

“Let’s grab a pizza and go to the lake.” The night was warm and the stars sparkled in the dark sky.

Colton shook his head, his brow slightly furrowing. “You don’t like the fancy dinners?” Damn. Caught. I looked down at my lap. I could sense him waiting for my response.

“No,” I replied quietly. “Not especially.”

He went mute, which was unlike Colton.

“No, I mean, they’re great…” I ran my hands down my blue dress, smoothing it out.

Deep laughter burst from him, cutting off my words. “I’ll let you in on a little secret. I hate fancy dinners too.” He gave me a conspiratorial wink.

“Really?” A huge smile spread over my face, laughter dashing up my throat. “Why didn’t you tell me? Why did you look so happy when you took me to them?” We could have avoided six of them if we had been honest with each other.

Colton shrugged, his expression turning serious, his attention on the road in front of us. He tugged at the cuffs of his button-down checkered dress shirt. He’d worn it on our last anniversary dinner, which made me smile. Even though it was far too hot and humid for the slacks and a long-sleeved shirt, he had put on his “anniversary” uniform.

“I guess I thought it’s what your type would want.”

“My type?” I frowned. “You mean a girl?”

He snorted, not giving me much more of a response.

“You’re being weird tonight. You okay?” I reached out rubbing his arm. “You’re quiet.”

An emotion flashed over his features too fast for me to catch. “Thinking about football camp starting tomorrow. Sorry.”

Football. Of course. It ruled his life…the town’s. Here there was never a down season. State champions never took a break. Now that Colton was captain, it would be even more so, even more pressure on him from his father, from his coach, from this town, to be the best.

We grabbed a pizza from our favorite hangout and drove to the lake. Colton’s focus on football didn’t bother me. It was relaxing. Comfortable. Strangely in our silence, I felt a deeper bond growing. Maybe we had finally hit the level where we didn’t have to fill all the silences.

Summer vacation had just started and the lake was filled with cars and people. Most were kids from our school, barbequing and standing around campfires together. At night most drove their cars right to the pits.

“Over there.” I pointed to an empty area across the lake. He steered the SUV over the gravel parking lot onto the grass and parked.

I climbed out and grabbed the pizza box. Music from the other side of the lake drifted over to us, their campfires giving off enough light for us to see each other.

Colton grabbed the box from me, opened the back of the SUV, lowering the tailgate, and motioned me to sit.

“Wow, you’re going to allow me to eat in your car?” I teased, hopping on the back. Football and his car were the only things he seemed to take seriously.

“Don’t tell anyone,” he teased and leaped up next to me, setting the box between us.

“Okay, I won’t tattle on you.” I grinned. “To you.”

“Thanks.” He breathed out in relief and smirked. “I can be a neurotic ass about this car.” He patted the side. I laughed. It was good to hear him joke about his irrational obsession over his car.

We dived into the delicious cheesy pie. My feet wiggled back and forth contentedly. The air was filled with warmth, music, and stars. To me this was the perfect anniversary dinner.

I often teased Colton about having ants in his pants, a saying I got from my Grandma Penny, but tonight he seemed comfortable. It was nice to see him so relaxed. I liked it. A lot. It was as if he finally let himself land, let his guard down, and allowed himself to fully be with me.

I smiled and sighed.

“You look happy,” Colton said.

I turned to him. “I am.”

“Am I the reason?” His eyes crawled over my face, giving me goosebumps. The good kind.

“A little.” I held my fingers a breath apart.

“Only that much? Ouch.” His eyes reflected his amusement.

“Okay, this much.” I widened the gap a hair.

He bobbed his head and snickered, taking another bite of pizza. He chewed and swallowed. “What else makes you happy, Jaymerson Holloway?”

I paused mid-bite, turned to him, and stared at his profile: the dimple, dark hair, clean-shaven face, and mouth I’d come to know well. Colton Harris could still surprise me.

“What? You’re looking at me funny.” He shifted to peer at me.

“Sorry, wasn’t ready for your question.” I shook my head. “What makes me happy…?” I gazed into the darkness, my mind going blank.

I could sense Colton’s intense gaze. Nothing came to my mind. “Um…wow…that’s sad, isn’t it?”

“Cheerleading? School?” he prompted.

“Yeah, of course, cheerleading. I can’t say school makes me happy, but I like getting good grades. Makes my parents happy. I guess friends, family…a great boyfriend.” I smiled at him. “The usual. I’m a simple girl.”

His blue eyes lasered in on me. “I think you’re wrong there. You are anything but simple, and I don’t think any of those things actually makes you happy. You say it because it’s what you’re supposed to say.”

I jerked back. It was as if someone peeled away my façade and saw deep into my soul where I hadn’t even acknowledged all the hidden layers. Shock lodged in my throat along with the dense humid air. It was the first time I realized Colton saw more than he let on. He was silly and fun, but he also had a deep, perceptive side. I wasn’t prepared to be so easily read. I stirred uncomfortably. A hiccup of tension dropped between us.

Colton’s signature goofy smile bobbled on his mouth. “Except for the boyfriend. I know I’m great.”

I smirked. “Yes. People like to tell me that daily.”

He laughed.

“You know what I’ve always wanted to do?” I swung my legs quicker, feeling a nervous buzz in my stomach. Colton and I had never discussed anything past graduation. Telling him my dreams was scary. What if he laughed or it was something he never wanted to experience with me?

“What?” Colton’s voice nudged me to keep talking.

“I’ve always wanted to travel the world. Go into every art museum I can find.”

“You like art?” He lifted his brows in surprise.

“I love art, but not doing it. I’m not creative at all. I would like to do something more like restore or discover it.”

“Why don’t you?”

“You know my parents. It’s not something they see I can do for a living. Dad really wants me to go into medical sciences. I love science, but I don’t know…”

“Not your dream.”

I tipped my head, peering at Colton. He was surprising me, looping a tighter hold on my heart.

“Yeah.” I smiled.

He nodded looking back out at the bonfire across the lake. “I want to travel the world too. Get out of this town and never look back.”

“Really?” It was my turn to be shocked. He always seemed content here. Happy in this small-town life. It was sad it took us this long to really get to know each other.

In just a night there was a shift in our relationship, a deepening, the realization I had not given Colton enough credit. I expected him to be happy and carefree, not thinking past football, food, and sex. But I had been wrong. Here I was blaming him for being superficial, and I had been the same.

My eyes riveted on the flickering fire across the way. My legs swung back and forth again. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

I turned to look at him. “For tonight, for seven months of dating, and for you being you. This guy.” I motioned to him.

“You like this guy?” He tilted his head, peering at me.

“Tonight especially. The more I get to know, the more I like.” My stomach clenched over the last word. I knew “like” wasn’t the word that started to come, but I wasn’t ready to say the other.

Our eyes locked. His hand came up to my mouth, stroking his thumb across my bottom lip. “Sauce.” His voice went deep and gravely, his focus on my bottom lip.

A rush of concentrated emotion rocked through my body, like a flood crashing down my walls. I knew what I wanted to happen tonight. Sex was something I always stopped. Fear kept me from crossing the line. Except tonight the switch, which hadn’t seemed to want to budge, suddenly did. It gave me the confidence I never had. I put his thumb in my mouth, sucking and licking off the sauce. He inhaled, his shoulders going rigid.

My teeth skated over his thumb gently, sucking on it harder. I looked up through my lashes. He watched me watch him. Then his hand roughly slid to the back of my neck, pulling me to him. The moment his lips found mine, desire ignited, intense heat spread over me. His fingers tipped my head back, his tongue opening my mouth for his.

A grunt came from his chest as I groaned, matching his intensity. Desire took over my body and held complete control. All the times I said no in the past seemed impossible now. I wanted this.

Colton must have sensed my change of heart in my kisses. He chucked the pizza box between us out on the grass, pulling me into him. My fingers trailed up his neck and into his hair, pulling him down on top of me as I lay back. The SUV had barely enough space to lie flat so our legs dangled out the opening.

He drew away from me, reached over, and hit the seat knobs, pushing them down flat. Our chests heaved with matching breaths. I wiggled back on my elbows, pushing myself fully into the car. He crawled between my legs and propped himself over me, his eyes dilated and full of need.

We crashed into each other. I curled my legs around him, crushing him closer to me, and I wiggled happily against him.

“Jaymerson…” My name came out like a craving, his hand running up my bare leg.

I was dizzy and no longer wanted to think. When I didn’t think, I became bold. I reached for the bottom of his shirt, unbuttoning it.

“Jaymerson,” he growled this time, almost in warning.

I knew this was what he wanted. He had wanted it for as long as we’d been together. Finally I was with him. I wanted it also. Badly.

“Jaymerson. Stop.”

I wasn’t listening. I gripped my legs harder around his hips, and he moaned. I tilted up, grinding slowly.

“Fuck!” He inhaled deeply, jerking away. He leaned back on his heels.

Shock and confusion halted me. “What? What’s wrong?”

He panted rapidly. The part of his unbuttoned shirt revealed a peek of his toned abs. Even through his dress shirt I could make out his firm, built chest. He was a lot more developed than most of the high school boys. Seeing the tease of skin only incited my need to explore him. I sat up, my lips finding his, beckoning him back.

He let me kiss him but did not return them. I nipped at his bottom lip, my teeth grazing and tugging. He made a warning growl and then gripped the back of my head, knotting my hair firmly in a hold, the other pressing my lower back up into him. It was one of those toe-curling kisses that obliterated your mind. He breathed me in, consumed me.

I was no longer even in this universe.

He laid me back, our mouths hungry and demanding. My hands went back to his shirt, working my way down the buttons, my fingers trailing over his abs, as it opened to me. I wanted to experience his bare skin against mine. I wanted nothing between us.

I started to slip his shirt off his shoulders before a strange sound came from him, and he leaped out of the truck, pulling his shirt closed.

“We can’t do this,” he mumbled, running his hands through his hair.

“Why?” I sat up. Hurt flooded in, coloring my tone. “You’ve been wanting to have sex forever. I was never ready. Now I am.”

“That’s why... not here. Not like this,” he replied.

“I don’t understand.” Embarrassment flooded through me. “You don’t want to have sex with me?”

“It’s not I don’t want to have sex with you.” His gaze found mine. “Believe me. Right now it’s all I want to do.”

“Then?” I held up my arms. I couldn’t believe I was suddenly begging for it and he was saying no. “What’s the problem?”

“For one, I don’t have protection. Not going to do that to either of us. You want to be a pregnant teen mom? I don’t think so.” His words grounded me. Colton was being the responsible one. “And I’m not going to have it in the back of this car.”

Being in the SUV didn’t bother me. I think movies had guys believing most girls wanted a bed-of-roses fairy tale. My desire was dependent on the guy and my emotions, not the place.

He could have told me any wonderful, selfless reasons, but it didn’t matter. The hurt clouded in my chest like a storm crackling across my heart. All I wanted was go home and lick my wounds. I straightened my dress and scooted out of the back.

“Jaymerson?” he called to me as I rounded the car, heading for the passenger side.

“I want to go home.”

Re-buttoning his shirt, he followed me around the side. “I’m doing this for you. Seriously, you will thank me for it.”

“No, I get it. You are being respectful and responsible.” I looked away, tears flooding beneath my lids. “But I just want to go home now.”

He stood in front of me. I kept my gaze on the ground. I loved he was actually being a gentleman, but I didn’t want the gentleman, not when he’d kissed me like that. My discomfort clouded everything, and all I could see was rejection.

“Okay.” He nodded.

The ride home was tense and awkward. I leaned over to give him a goodnight kiss when he pulled into my drive. It was quick, but then he grabbed the back of my head, pressing me close. His mouth told me he still wanted me. Desired me. Loved me.

I let him kiss away my wounds. My chagrin melted, leaking out of the SUV with every nip of his mouth. It was like he demanded it, forbidding me to experience anything but desire.

“I love you,” I mumbled against his lips, the words spurting out before I even realized it.

Colton froze, jerking back.

Oh god. What did I do? Humiliation came flooding back in the car, dropping down on me, painting me a deep shade of maroon.

His finger stayed clipped to my jawline as he stared down at me intently. Not for the first time tonight, I could not read his mood.

“I-I did-didn’t mean…I meant I—” His mouth crashed down on mine, stopping the horrible fumble of my words.

He pressed me back into the seat, his lips taking me prisoner again. His hand ran up my leg, leaving shivers in his wake. His tongue dipped over my mouth and curled around mine. Air seized in my lungs; my blood boiled and responded to him. He broke the kiss, both of us grappling for needed oxygen.

“I love you too,” he said against my mouth, his tone odd, like it was the deepest confession he’d ever made. “Happy anniversary.”

“Happy anniversary,” I replied. I gave him another soft kiss before pulling away. I slipped out of the car and turned toward the house, then waved and went inside.

Besides the sex-gone-wrong part, it had been the night I’d always wanted. No matter how much he pressured me with words, when it came down to it, he didn’t want me to do anything I wasn’t truly ready for.

Colton could drive me nuts, but he was deeper than people thought. He actually saw me.

Tonight something changed for me.

I smiled to myself. I knew I had officially fallen completely in love with Colton Harris.

Chapter Five

When I woke, the room was dim and the hospital still and quiet. My father slept in a chair in the corner, his chin against his chest. He seemed to have aged since I last saw him. He looked pale and exhausted even while he dozed. He was unshaven, his light brown hair messy. I knew underneath his closed lids were the same steel-blue eyes as I had. I took after my mom in height and body frame, five-four and petite boned, but most everything else was like my dad.

Noah Holloway was extremely handsome, only thirty-eight, young for having a seventeen-year-old daughter. My mom was a year younger than Dad. My parents had just met in college, my mom still a freshman, when I came along. I don’t think they ever wished they didn’t have me, but I knew if they could do it over, they would have waited. A lot changed because of me. Dreams, hopes…all put on the back burner to support the sudden family. It was the reason why my sister arrived long after me. She came when they really wanted to start a family.

We moved here so my father could take an assistant athletic trainer job at the university forty-five minutes away. It paid minimally, hoping

the prestige of the college football team would lead to bigger and better things. Mom preferred raising us in the small town. She worked as a secretary in a law office and hated every minute of it. But she did it while she took online classes at night toward her marketing degree.

Maybe it was why I tried so hard to please them. I carried a lot of guilt for changing their lives. I wouldn’t say ruining, but they gave up a lot. I wanted to be as little burden on them as possible.

Now look.

My back ached, and I pulled myself up to shift positions. Dad jumped up, already heading for me.

“JayJay?” He reached my side. “Are you all right?”

I pried my lips apart. “Fine, Dad.” I flinched, a stab of pain shooting up my spine.

He grabbed a glass of water, held it to my mouth. I clutched the side and guzzled down the liquid.

“You scared us, kid,” he said as he set the cup down. He blinked back tears, gently stroking the hair off my forehead.

“How long was I out?” For some reason it felt easier to talk to my dad. He would tell me straight.

He drew in a breath. “You were in a coma for almost a month.”

Panic sprouted in my chest, moving it up and down in frequent bursts. “A month?”

He nodded, pain etched deep in his face.

A month? My brain couldn’t even wrap around the concept. What my parents had gone through must have been horrendous. The next question waited on my tongue, but the fear and the agony that would follow was unfathomable. By acknowledging the question, the pain seeped in.

“Colton… Is Colton really dead?” My bottom lip started to quiver.

Dad looked away, two fingers rubbing across his chin. He did this when he was worried or agitated.

“Dad?”

“Maybe we should wait for morning when the doctor and your mother will be here.”

“No. Tell me, now.” I already knew what he was going to say. I needed to hear the words. “Please.”

His jaw clenched, then he took a deep breath. “Colton is dead, sweetheart. I am so sorry.”

I shook my head. The truth only brushed up against me. I heard and understood, but it did not absorb into my heart.

“They tried to save him.”

My lids blinked rapidly with the beats of my speeding heart.

No-no-no-no.

“And Hunter?”

“He was in critical condition, but the doctors say he is doing better. They are downgrading him. He even woke briefly last night.”

Hunter was barely alive, Colton was dead... and I… I was too far in now. “Why can’t I move? What’s wrong with my legs?”

Dad’s hand went to his mouth again, rubbing ferociously.

“Just tell me.” Everything hurt from the waist up. Nothing below. But words were powerful, truth ignored until the words were said. Out loud.

“They are paralyzed.”

I sucked in air with a gulp, my head spinning.

“The doctors don’t know if it’s temporary or permanent because of the trauma.” He shook his head. “They will better explain it to you. Something about swelling of your spine.”

The tsunami of knowledge about Colton, Hunter, and me was crushing. I thought I wanted to know, but now the ground I had securely walked on crumbled under my feet. My lungs couldn’t catch up, whirling around along with my thoughts. Churning, spiraling, and twisting.

“Oh god. I knew I shouldn’t have told you.” My father leaped over to my bed and pushed the nurse’s button.

I scarcely noticed when the sound of sneakers squeaking across the smooth floor announced Shelly had rushed in.

“What’s happened?” She grabbed for my wrist.

“I told her.” My dad’s voice was at panic level, and he began to pace. “I know I shouldn’t have.”

Shelly leaned over and clicked a button hanging from one of the drips. Immediately warmth swelled over me, like I’d stepped into a bathtub. My muscles relaxed, I sank back, and my breathing deepened.

I did not want to think of the horrific, devastating crash. Actually, I didn’t want to think at all. My gaze tracked my dad’s jolting movements.

“You need to calm down, Mr. Holloway, or I’ll give you a morphine drip too.” The nurse sassed my father.

“Actually, that would be great.” He stopped, placing his palms on my bed and leaned forward.

She snorted.

“And please, Shelly, I’ve told you to call me Noah. We’ve been through too much together.”

She nodded, looking down at me. “Yes, we have. But it’s going to get better now.”

Deep under the influence of drugs, my heart heard her words and twisted with pain. Even part of my conscious brain was saying the opposite—it wouldn’t get any better.

Maybe for them, but for me it was only going to get worse.

Chapter Six

“Jaymerson, do you understand what I’m telling you?”

My gaze drifted over the room, balloons and cards decorated the space with cheerful colors and soft sentiments. They meant little to me. I understood people didn’t know what else to do or how to communicate their sympathy and good will. The fact was there was nothing they could do or say.

“JayJay? Are you listening to the doctor?” Mom grasped my arm, pulling my focus to her.

I turned my head back to Dr. Williams, shifting uncomfortably. The morphine was wearing off, and sharp aches were shooting through my nerves. I was nauseated, and engulfing weariness yanked on me from all sides.

It had only been a few days since my father told me the truth. From then on, they lowered the dosage of drugs and kept me awake for longer periods of time. Morphine had numbed my emotions and my physical pain enough so I could handle being conscious. Now, sober consciousness left space for Colton to pop into my brain. The ache was so cruel and torturous I couldn’t breathe.

Drug-induced sleep was my only relief, the moment I opened my eyes, his face would appear, and the agony returned to me all over again. My thoughts bounced between the loss of him and my legs. The nurses worked with me every day to move them, but nothing happened.

Today was the first time I felt a tingling in my right foot. My mom ran and got the doctor who poked at it and took x-rays. “The swelling in your spine is going down. This is a good sign. There is no physical barrier to you walking again,” the doctor continued.

“Great news, Doctor.” My dad spoke from the other side of me. Both Mom and Dad were here today as my sister was in preschool till one o’clock.

It was great news. But I seemed numb to good, like I was being held underwater by the bad.

“I think you should start getting sensation in your legs soon.”

I stared at my hands in my lap. They had removed the air and food tubes. They left the one that kept me hydrated and, for a couple more days, the morphine drip. But I could only click once. I tried.

“I appreciate you have been through a lot…more than any of us can comprehend.” Dr. Williams cleared her throat. “I need you to concentrate on getting yourself healthy. The mind is a powerful thing. It can block you from making progress. Physically or emotionally.”

“You mean don’t think about my dead boyfriend, right?” The words spilled from my mouth before I realized it.

“No. Of course not.”

“Jaymerson! That was not what she was saying.” Mom frowned, more embarrassed I had talked back to the doctor.

It was exactly what they wanted. For me to forget I would never see him again, to feel his lips, to hear his laugh. Dad told me they held his funeral a few weeks after the accident, while I was still in a coma, and he was buried in the Harris’s family plot. Colton had once told me he hated his family already had a burial plot. It freaked him out. He also loathed the thought of being entombed unground. Trapped. He would despise being interred there. Another thing I should forget. Rage I never experienced before exploded in my chest. Impaling pieces on spikes, tearing until all I saw was red, terrifying me. I bit down on my lip trying to swallow back the emotion.

“Do you understand, Jaymerson?” The doctor gripped her clipboard, her head tilted to the side.

I nodded, not trusting myself to speak.

She acknowledged my answer and glanced at my parents. “Mr. and Mrs. Holloway, I’d like to speak to you about finding Jaymerson someone to talk with.” She motioned for them to follow her into the hallway.

“We’ll be right back, kiddo.” Dad swiped his hand over my head and kissed the top of it. Mom hugged me, making me flinch in pain. Then they both followed the doctor.

I sat in the room with pink and yellow balloons and flowers, appearing as the sweet girl I had always been. Inside I screamed and wailed with agony and fury, wanting to tear every pretty card in half, crash the vases against the wall, and stomp on every balloon.

Inside I was a mess.

And filling with darkness.

“Come on, Jayme. A couple more steps.” The nurse, Shelly, encouraged me to go farther. During the week sensation had returned to my legs. Along with the pain.

Nurses had started to work with me every day, building muscle and flexibility. Agony flooded my senses, and I had thrown up several times when it got to be too much. The muscles down my back sent daggers of torture, sizzling every nerve like it was twisting in a fire. It burned. It ached. It spasmed. By the end of the second week, I was back on my feet. Barely. It was still faster than the doctor expected.

My knuckles were white as they gripped the back of the wheelchair. The deal was I had to walk to the water fountain down the hall, get a drink, then the nurse would wheel me back. The exhaustion, pain, and work it took for me to walk the corridor was depressing. Not too long ago I could have done backflips down and not even have been out of breath.

But I was walking. And alive.

“A few more.”

“Shelly, you said a few more a few steps ago,” I growled through my clenched teeth. Sweat trickled down the side of my face. Both my legs and arms shook with effort.

“And I will keep saying it till you get to the water fountain.”

I glared at her.

She smiled, enjoying tormenting me. I liked Shelly. She was sassy and honest. She didn’t sugarcoat things, which was refreshing, and at the same time she was comforting without being smothering. My parents had teetered over into suffocating with their constant nearness, excessive enthusiasm, and overly inspirational cheers for me to get better.

Sometimes my dad turned into a coach, priming me for a big game, while Mom tried hard to pretend she was all right, overdoing the positive thinking. She wanted to paint me a picture of perfection, like a true marketer.

I completely understood their reasoning. I wanted everyone to be honest, to say whatever they truly felt. My family teased and loved each other, but so much was left unsaid. It had never bothered me before. Maybe I never noticed how much we hid previously.

“I’ll bet you are thirsty,” Shelly taunted, walking backward in front of the wheelchair. Her brightly colored scrubs hurt my eyes. “Cool, refreshing water would feel great down your parched throat.”

“Actually, I would love the water fountain to be full of morphine,” I grumbled.

She frowned. “You know you are being weaned off. Don’t want you to become an addict on top of everything.”

“You’re making me want to be an addict.”

“Oh, someone’s feisty today.” Her eyebrow curved up. When she said that, I realized it wasn’t only today. This was how I felt and thought most of the time now.

I rolled the wheelchair a couple more feet with zombie steps. I might not have been dead, but I didn’t feel alive either.

“Okay, this time it actually is only a few more.” She tapped on the fountain.

My teeth sawed together, the back of my neck was soaked. My robe seemed more like a heavy wool jacket than a cotton one against my skin.

“Your reward, Ms. Holloway.” She motioned to the fountain with a game show host’s flair.

“Wow, all for me?” I shuffled up to the spout and gulped down the cool water.

As I enjoyed the refreshing liquid, I heard a crash behind me and turned to look over my shoulder.

“Fuck you!” A deep voice boomed from the room, plowing down the hallway past me. “You can take your wheelchair and shove it up your ass.”

Ice coated my esophagus. I straightened up, staring through the open doorway. My eyes locked on him, sitting on the edge of his hospital bed.

His face. His voice. Grief covered my throat and spun me like a whirlwind.

“Whoa!” Shelly grabbed me, my knees buckling. The movement drew the attention of the shouter. His head jerked up and familiar blue eyes caught mine. Shelly placed the wheel chair near me, my gaze never leaving his.

Agony wailed throughout my body as I dropped into my wheelchair. It was like seeing a ghost. But it wasn’t.

Hunter.

Shelly turned the chair around, pointed me back toward my room, and pushed me forward. Hunter’s gaze stayed on me, and he bolted up, his hand clutching the bedrail. He looked skinnier than I remembered—pale, sickly, and frail. Those words were not something you ever thought when you said the name Hunter Harris.

His tall, burly male nurse leaped for him. “What are you doing? You can’t walk yet, man. Baby steps.”

Shelly rolled the wheelchair past the doorway, out of view. My attention stayed on the doorway until his piercing eyes disappeared. Seeing him was like someone took a pair of pliers and ripped out my lungs. Colton’s dead. I would never see the man I loved again, but I would see Hunter’s face every day, an excruciating reminder.

Why couldn’t it have been Hunter? A voice in my heart screamed. The truth in the twisted thought chilled me. But anger at him and myself for thinking it won out.

During the next several days, Shelly and I made the same journey often. Hunter’s door was always shut after the first time, as if he knew I would be coming down and didn’t want to see me. But today it was open, the lights off. I tried to ignore the shot of terror. “Where is he?”

“Who, baby girl?” Shelly asked and followed my gaze to his empty room. “Oh, he’s having another operation today. He was in a lot worse shape than you.”

I gulped. Terror halted my steps, the sudden sensation of being abandoned. I was startled by a flash of fear that Hunter would leave me all alone. Whether or not we liked it, we were linked.

“Will he be all right?”

“I hope so. You guys are young and have already gone through so much.” Shelly sighed. “He’s a fighter, just like you. I believe he will come out of this.”

She patted the wheelchair, telling me she would wheel me back. “Take a seat, baby girl.”

“No.” I wagged my head back and forth at her gesture. “I want to walk back.” A handful of steps down the hall and I fell back into the wheelchair defeated and huffing.

Shelly pushed me forward. “You don’t see the incredible strength you have inside. I hope one day you will.”

I rolled my lips together, pushing back the bile rising in my throat. It was the second time today I walked down the corridor, and my body told me in the language of aches it had enough. I could swear the passage had been extended since earlier in the day, the distance to the water fountain growing farther away.

This time I was on my own without Shelly or my wheelchair. Mom had finally left for the night, or rather, the nurses had kicked her out. The quiet hospital wing was in “night” mode. Only a few nurses were on duty who attended emergencies or persistent button-pushers. I would be unchallenged on my quest if they didn’t walk by and catch me. At my speed, the journey didn’t look promising.

My determination pushed me through the pain, and finally, with glacial steps, I reached my destination. The door was open, and a dim glow of a nightlight outlined a figure lying in the bed. A ragged sound—the air filtering through a tube in his throat—filled the air.

I wasn’t sure why the need to see him overpowered my aching and lack of energy. I was curious, but I hadn’t thought to ask anyone if his operation went well or if he were all right. I needed to see for myself.

My legs wobbled, and I planted myself on the edge of his bed. Arrows of grief drove into my heart. All I saw was a scruffy Colton, sleeping. I felt at any moment his eyes were going to pop open, then I’d be on the receiving end of the familiar smile when he saw me, charmed by the sparkle in his blue eyes. He would bounce up and tackle-hug me.

A sob spurted from me, and I slammed my hand over my mouth. My shoulders started to shake, and I covered my face. Tears battered at my lids to be let out, but instead a howl of pain broke free. I curled over my lap, trying to hold back the onslaught of anguish.

A hand touched my spine. I sat up with a jolt, looking over my shoulder. Hunter’s blue eyes watched me, his hand slipping off me, dropping like a stone to his side.

“You’re awake.” It came out accusatory. I didn’t like him seeing me a mess like this.

He opened his mouth to speak, but it closed along with his eyes. Pain carved a grimace into his features.

I knew that look. I leaned over and clicked his morphine button and waited.

His face relaxed, and he exhaled. “Thank you.” His lids flickered open.

“Don’t thank me yet. They took mine away. I might be stealing yours on the way out.”

He blinked. A barely-there grin hinted at the side of his mouth. It reminded me of Colton, provoking an inferno of animosity inside me, and I glanced away

“I heard you had another operation today,” I said coolly.

“Yeah,” he croaked, pushing himself higher on the pillow. “Wasn’t like the brochure. I don’t recommend it.”

I snorted. “So far nothing about this vacation has been like the pamphlet.”

The crushing, shattering reality of what happened to us, who we lost, hurtled down on me, like I was actually being crushed underneath Colton’s car this time. It took hold of the air, consuming the space between us. I felt like I might buckle underneath it.

“I’ve got to go.” My words strangled in my throat, keeping the tears at bay. “I only wanted to see if you were all right.”

“Jaymerson.” He grabbed my arm.

“What?”

His lids drooped, and he wiggled his head back and forth. “Nothing,” he whispered, but his hand didn’t leave mine. Hunter mumbled something I couldn’t understand then sleep consumed him.

I started to unwrap his fingers, the need for comfort danced around my broken heart. It was sick and twisted I knew. But for a moment I needed relief from the guilt, anger, and agony. I wanted Colton back. Shocked at my own audacity, I crept in beside Hunter, and curled next to his warm body. I reached out and touched his face, letting myself believe it was Colton.

“I love you too,” I whispered, saying the words I’d never told him the day of the crash. And now I never would. My hand brushed over his face. The boy next to me let out a sigh, his body relaxing into me.

In some way it was the goodbye I’d been denied.

Chapter Seven

A couple days later, Shelly and I made the long loop. Every day she added on a few more rooms to pass before heading back. It was painful and slow, but I pushed myself to keep going. Usually I only encountered Mr. Goldstein, with his hip replacement, on my expedition.

Today it was not Mr. Goldstein when I turned the corner. I stopped, oxygen locking in my lungs.

Hunter and his male nurse were heading directly for us. Using the wheelchair as his walker, Hunter’s face was beet red, perspiration dripping down his forehead.

“Keep going, baby girl.” Shelly encouraged me to continue walking. My slippers slid across the floor, nearing me to Hunter.

After the night I said goodbye to Colton, I avoided going near his room, asking Shelly to take me around the other way. The farewell closed one door and opened a dam. The thought of Hunter, even hearing his name, sent venom into my blood. Resentment coiled in my gut. He lived, but Colton was dead. Anger at his survival over Colton’s drove resentment through my thoughts. These emotions stirred through me now, watching him.

“Come on, man.” The nurse motioned him forward. “A couple more steps.”

I scoffed at that phrase, having heard the lie so much myself.

Hunter lifted his head to look at me, his expression held zero sentiment. But his eyes flashed and a nerve in his jaw twitched.

“Keep going. You’re doing great.” The male nurse motioned for Hunter to keep moving forward. “You’re almost there. See, only a few more steps to the nurses’ station.” Hunter had more than four more rooms to pass before he made it to the destination. Way more than a few painful steps.

“Screw you, Carl,” Hunter growled and shuffled his feet over the smooth surface. “I have trouble walking, not seeing.”

“Wow, someone’s grumpy.” Carl shifted backward, a smirk on his face.

“Maybe if you didn’t cut off the painkillers,” Hunter grumbled.

“Need to wean you off of them now before you become an addict.” All of this felt like déjà vu.

“Too late,” I snorted. The stories of Hunter being heavily into marijuana and harder drugs was frequent chatter around school. Colton never confirmed it, but he didn’t deny it either.

The muscles along Hunter’s neck strained, his lips pressed against each other, turning white. He rolled the wheelchair forward and blocked my path.

“Get your chair out of my way,” I snarled as I stared at him.

“No.” A drop of sweat tracked down the side of his face.

“Get. Out. Of. My. Way.” The words broke over my tongue with incense.

“Get out of mine,” he snarled back.

“Hey, hey, hey, let’s not have any of that.” Shelly grabbed my elbow, steering me around him. I pinned my feet to the surface, hunching forward.

“No! For once you are not going to get your way.” I pushed at his wheelchair, making him wobble.

“For once? My way? What are you talking about?”

“You snapped your fingers and Colton ran, no matter what. You’d get yourself in a mess, but your brother always got you out.” My mouth wouldn’t stop; my wrath boiled and popped. “You’re a selfish bastard! All you ever thought of was yourself.” The words kept coming. “This is all your fault,” I seethed. “He wouldn’t have gotten in the car drunk. If it wasn’t for you, he’d still be alive.” Hunter jerked back as if I slapped him. “If he weren’t jumping to your aid again, running when you beckoned, none of this would have happened.” It might not have been true, but it didn’t seem to matter. My arms and legs shook with emotion. “He was always getting you out of trouble. And you continued to use him.”

“Hey, baby girl. Let’s calm down.” Shelly tried to pull me away, but I yanked out of her grasp.

“He loved you so much and now he’s dead,” I sobbed.

“You don’t think I loved him? I wouldn’t have done anything for him?” Hunter’s face flushed, and his cheeks dotted with red specks. “You know nothing about me.”

“I know enough.”

Hunter’s face twisted into a fevered sneer.

“You’re a selfish asshole. A loser.” Rage spat from me.

Both Carl and Shelly tried to step in, but we didn’t budge, staring each other down.

“You’re shallow and blind.” He leaned into my face.

“I. Hate. You.” In a tightly controlled, cold tone, nothing like my own voice, I heard myself say, “I wish it had been you.”

“So. Do. I.” He met my intensity.

“Okay, that’s enou—” Shelly stopped mid-sentence as Hunter clasped his chest. He sucked in a sharp breath, leaning over the wheelchair.

“Hey, what’s wrong? You okay?” Carl stepped up to him.

Hunter nodded, coughing into his hand. Blood sprayed out of his mouth, coating the floor in a foamy pink liquid.

“Oh no.” Shelly let go of me and ran for Hunter, but she was too late. Hunter’s body dropped, and he fell face-first into the wheelchair, sending it flying against the wall.

I jumped with a cry.

He started convulsing violently as more foam pooled around his mouth.

“Help!” Shelly squatted next to him, yelling down the hall toward the nurses’ station. “Code blue! We have a code blue!”

“What’s happening?” Both she and Carl ignored me, their attention on Hunter. Three more nurses ran to us, pushing me out of the way. Panic and fear strangled my vocals, making it hard to catch my breath. His body continued to jerk on the tile, blood leaking out the side of his mouth.

A flash of the night of the accident came back. A brief memory of red and blue lights and people calling out around me. Me, hanging upside down from my seatbelt, turning my head, and seeing Colton. His body bloody and broken, twisted in an unnatural position against the roof of the car.

Now people shouted medical jargon around me, like a foreign language, their voices intense and constant.

“Tell me what’s happening to him!” Again, no one acknowledged me.

Carl and two other nurses got him on a gurney. The entire team sprinted down the hall, driving air into his lungs with a handheld pump. They curved around the corner out of sight. I stood there in the vacated hallway, staring at empty space. It all happened so fast my brain was trying to catch up.

Dampness nudged my toes and drew my gaze down. Blood stained the front of my cream slippers, dying the tips of them like an Easter egg. Guilt saturated me like the blood on my feet. I just told him I wished he was dead instead of Colton and now he might be.

What kind of person was I?

The anger pouring from me was like nothing I had experienced. I was a stranger to myself. It forced an unsettled, unsure emotion inside me, but it also made me feel alive.

Chapter Eight

“You ready to head home?” Dad clapped his hands, stepping into the room.

I nodded, not sure if it was true. The hospital felt safe, and I feared the moment I walked through the doors where reality waited for me.

“Come on, JayJay.” Dad picked up my bag of personal items they had brought over the weeks. “Your mom is talking to the doctor about your medications and physical therapy.”

I stood the same moment Shelly rolled in the wheelchair. “Your last ride.”

My lashes fluttered, and I walked over to her, wrapping my arms around her.

“Thank you,” I mumbled. “I will miss you.”

“I will miss you too, baby girl.” She squeezed me back. “But I am happy you are leaving here.” I knew what she meant: I had survived.

Shelly told me Hunter had suffered a pulmonary embolism, a sudden blockage in a lung artery. The cause is usually a blood clot in the leg. It was nothing I did or the doctors could have foreseen. It didn’t make me feel better, especially learning that during the three days since the event, he had been heavily monitored to make sure he didn’t fall into another coma. They had moved him back to intensive care, so I didn’t see him. Not that I wanted to.

“Let’s get you home.” Shelly pulled back, nodding toward the wheelchair. I climbed in, and she pushed me forward, my dad following behind.

“Hey, sweetie.” Mom came trotting up, a huge smile on her face. “How are you? Are you ready to go home?”

Of course they would ask me this, but I already cringed against the onslaught of dealing with the same questions over and over once I left these walls.

I smiled, and she clutched my hand, walking next to the chair. Dad ran forward, wanting to have the car ready for me at the curb. We made our way downstairs and out the doors. Our family Subaru idled in front.

“Keep me updated.” Shelly turned to my mom but patted my arm. “I’ve gotten attached to this one.”

“We will, Shelly.” Mom engulfed her in a hug, her voice wobbling. “Thank you. For everything. We couldn’t have gotten through this without you.”

During the weeks of my coma, they had gotten to know her well. Shelly had helped them through all the hours of not knowing if I would wake up.

Shelly came around and assisted me from the chair as Mom dashed forward and opened the back door. Once I was in and belted, Mom gave Shelly another hug and climbed into the passenger seat. Dad pulled the car away, and I waved at Shelly. My gaze never left her till we rounded the corner.

I faced front, taking a deep breath. Fear of what was ahead of me shredded my intestines. I had always known what was ahead of me, my life and future planned out. Now nothing felt sure. I floated like a balloon, with no clue where I was going or how I felt about anything.

Mom rattled on, trying to keep the energy up in the car, but I mostly tuned her out, watching the houses rush by. Deep reds and oranges colored the leaves, falling from the trees like raindrops. The warm summer weather had changed into crisp autumn as I slept.

As we turned down our street, Mom interrupted my thoughts. “Everyone is here waiting for you. They’re excited to see you. To have you home again.”

My back went straight. “Everyone? What are you talking about?”

Dad glanced in the rearview mirror. “Just a few people to welcome you home.”

“What?” Seeing people was the last thing I wanted.

Dad pulled into our driveway. A huge Welcome Home, Jaymerson poster hung across the garage. Cars lined the curb all around our house.

“We thought you’d love to see everyone. Your grandparents are dying to visit with you. So are your sister and your friends.”

Dad set the car in park, ran around to my side, and helped me out of the back, handing me a pair of crutches. The doctor wanted to limit the amount of time I was on my legs. I swung them forward, my stomach coiling as we moved up the path.

No. No. No. My mind rang. I did not want to see anyone, but how could I tell them? It would hurt their feelings.

The front door swung open, and Grandma Penny, my mom’s mother, came running out, her arms spread open. My grandpa died in the war before I was born. He was who I was named after. She lived in Connecticut but came down when she could. Dad’s parents were right behind her. Grandma Nessa and Grandpa T lived in the college town where my father worked, only forty minutes away, to my mother’s dismay.

“Jaymerson!” Grandma Penny’s arms encircled me, pulling me into her. My other grandparents surrounded me and embraced me the moment she loosened her grip.

“JayJay!” My little sister, Reece, came sprinting from the house. Mom grabbed her arm before she barreled into me. Normally I would lean over and pick up her tiny five-year-old body. She was the smallest in her kindergarten class. Reece was a duplicate of our mother. With her round face, light milk-chocolate eyes and dark brown hair, she was adorable and could get away with manslaughter if she tilted her head and smiled big enough. Or pouted.

“Whoa, little one. What did we discuss?”

“Not to jump on JayJay.”

“Exactly.” The moment Mom let her go she came smacking into my leg, clutching it furiously. “Reece!”

I wobbled on my crutches, biting down against the pain and ruffled her hair. Then I leaned over and kissed her head.

“Missed you, JayJay.” Her dark eyes swelled with tears, and her lips trembled with emotion.

“I’ve missed you to the moon and back.” It was a little saying we had with each other. I nuzzled her a little more before straightening up.

Behind my family stood kids from my school, my friends, Savannah, Jason, Adam, Chloe, and my entire cheerleading squad. Also, family friends, and some of our neighbors were here. They all smiled with too much teeth and earnest eyes, looking as awkward as I felt. They waited for me to talk first.

I took a breath and forced myself to look up at everyone. “Hey, guys. Thank you for coming. It means a lot to me.” The lie fell from my mouth.

A steady stream of people hugged me and smiled at me. I said either thank you or I’m good a dozen times over. I was a robot, my real emotions locked way down. No one actually wanted to hear the truth.

I was alive and walking. Sort of. I needed to focus on that.

It was a little chilly, but Grandpa T had the barbeque going out back laden with hamburgers. Drinks, snacks, and condiments were spread over the kitchen counter and dinner table. Music played softly from the TV. People milled around talking. My school friends quickly grouped around the sofas, eating and drinking, no longer paying any attention to me.

After a bit, exhaustion drained me, and I snuck off to my room to escape the parade of people and sympathy. I timidly opened my bedroom door as if I were a visitor, dropping my crutches against the wall. Mom said she’d only gone in to grab some clothes and personal items for me. I expected to see clothes flung over my bed, a whisper, a ghost, left of the night I went to the party with Colton.

But it was spotless. Like Grandma Nessa spotless.

She couldn’t help herself. Growing up with her had never been relaxing, unlike Grandma Penny, who encouraged me to be a kid and get messy. Grandma Nessa was a neat freak and always had her house spotless.

My fingertips brushed along my bedspread. The soft duvet was fluffed and neat. At first glance everything looked as it had before, books on the desk, jewelry boxes, knickknacks, and pictures...

Then I realized what was missing.

My dresser had been filled with pictures of cheerleading competitions and Colton. My favorite one was of us kissing the night he won state championship, the entire team cheering around us. Gone.

I limped out, ignoring the shooting pain in my legs. “Where are they?” I bellowed the moment I hit the living room. The entire room went silent, all turning to me. “What did you do with them?”

Mom moved toward me first. “What, JayJay?”

“Where did you hide them?” I demanded, anger flaming my throat. “Did you think I wouldn’t notice?”

“Hey, calm down.” Mom rubbed my arm as if I were mentally ill. I only screamed louder.

“The pictures! You think taking the pictures of Colton away is going to help? Like if you remove him then he never existed? I would simply forget?” My voice was high and shaky. “I want them now!”

Grandma Nessa rushed from the kitchen. “I’m sorry. I thought it would be better if they weren’t there. If the reminder wasn’t right in front of you.”

“Why? You think this is a simple as out of sight, out of mind? Taking the pictures away would take away my pain?” Tears filled my eyes, but I held them back. She thought she was helping. Sometimes I felt older people didn’t think younger people experienced real pain or love. As though we could easily rebound and move on.

“Shhh, it’s okay.” Mom spoke slowly and quietly. They were not used to seeing me angry or vocal. Ever. “She thought she was helping. Grandma Nessa will put them back.”

I took a breath, my gaze roving over the room. Everyone stared. All my friends on the sofa gaped at me wide-eyed, glancing at each other with a she’s losing it look.

Grandma went to the cupboard in the hall and brought out the pictures and proceeded to my room. I followed behind, the gawking silence burning into the back of my neck.

Mom helped me to my room. Grandma Nessa was already placing the photos back on my dresser. “There. Exactly where they were before.” She fretted with their placement. “I’m sorry. I never meant to upset you.”

“I know.” I stared at the framed candid shots.

Gramma Nessa came over and gave me a squeeze.

I suddenly felt embarrassed for my outburst. It was so unlike me. “Can I have a moment?”

Mom nodded, then kissed my head. They both swiftly left.

I made my way across the room, standing before my dresser. My hand reached out, trailing over Colton’s face. His smile. His bright blue eyes. His dimple.

I clasped the frame to my chest. It was like a semi-truck unloaded pounds of wet concrete on top of me. My knees buckled and I slumped to the floor with a sob, holding the picture to my heart.

I understood intellectually Colton was dead. The hospital was a strange limbo where I didn’t have to accept the truth, where real life stayed outside. A bubble. Being home thrust me back into reality, where I could no longer deny or push aside life while I healed.

He was gone. Forever.

Now that the pictures were back in place, I found I no longer wanted them there. Looking at them was like shredding my heart with glass. But at the same time, if anyone tried to take them away, I would attack them like a wild animal. Protecting him. Us.

A choked cry broke free. The body could heal, but the vast emptiness inside was beyond anything I could mend. It was too immense. A black hole. People could sympathize but couldn’t fully understand. They didn’t like sadness; they wanted to move on and not talk about it. My sadness and I were one.

Music from the living room ventured into my room, snippets of laughter and talking mingled around. It made me aware I was even more like an alien. A foreigner in my body. Alone. The noise suddenly became louder, the whoosh of my door opening.

“JayJay?” My sister’s voice sounded scared and unsure.

I lifted my head. Once she saw my eyes, she ran to me. Her arms wrapped tightly around my neck.

“Don’t be sad, JayJay.” My heart almost burst as this little five-year-old comforted me. “I loooove you.”

“I love you too.” I drew her in, burrowing my head into her neck. The smell of strawberry shampoo wafted from her hair. “So much.”

“To the moon and back?”

I pulled away, brushing her brown hair from her face. “To infinity and beyond.”

She grinned. “Grandma Penny made a cake.” Her eyes grew big and sparkled. “But we can’t have any till you do.”

A smile tugged at my mouth. “Okay, tell them I’ll be right out.” She nodded frantically. “And you can have the biggest piece.”

Her face lit up and she ran out of my room screaming. “She’s coming. JayJay says I can have the biggest piece. With ice cream.”

My sister could be a pain, but now she reminded me everyone outside those doors was here for me. I dropped a wall down on the darkness, banishing it away. I wiped away the few tears that escaped. I felt they were counting on me to make them feel better. To reassure them I was all right.

I pulled myself up, setting the picture back on the bureau. I rubbed at my cheeks and brushed my hair before grabbing my crutches and turning, heading out to my get-together.

I smiled, hugged, and consoled.

And I did it well.

Chapter Nine

“Do you want to go to a movie? Maybe go shopping after your physical therapy?” Mom set my oatmeal in front of me.

“No, thanks.” I shook my head, picking up a spoon.

“Come on, Jayme. You need to get out. You haven’t left this house since you came home, six days ago.”

“I don’t want to go out.” I took a bite of my cereal.

“Savannah has called you a dozen times. Are you ever going to return her calls?”

She had only called once and texted twice. “I will. I promise. I’m not ready.”

“Not ready? She’s your best friend.”

Best friend was a stretch. We hung out, but Colton had been my best friend. Savannah and I only saw each other at practice, parties, or when she wanted to go shopping for something and Chloe was busy.

“Nancy called to see how you were, wondering when you’d be back.” Nancy was my cheerleading coach. She was tough but fiercely loved her girls. She was the one who had called a dozen times. “Reece. Breakfast!” Mom filled a bowl of dry cereal for my sister. This week she liked her cold cereal without milk. “I thought it was sweet. Everyone misses you and wants you back.”

I stuffed another spoonful into my mouth so I didn’t have to respond.

“Reece!” Mom shouted again, placing my sister’s bowl in front of the seat next to me.

Footsteps pounded down the hall, and my sister bounced into the room full of energy and life, jumping onto the chair. I was envious of the innocence, the complete blissful naiveté to her world. Everything and anything was possible. Simple, magical, and innocent.

It was that way only a few months ago for me. It made me want to protect Reece even more. I wanted her to enjoy it as long as she could, where Santa Claus and fairies existed. No pain, no death, no sadness you couldn’t find the bottom of.

“Nancy said she’d loved to have you there. Help with the routines and stuff.”

“I don’t think so.”

“Jayme.” Mom let out a big sigh. It seemed as if her patience was thinning. “You need to do something besides sit here in your PJs watching TV. Get back into a routine.” Aka normal. “You love cheerleading. I think it would be fun to be with your friends.”

I wish it sounded fun. I had enjoyed cheerleading, but the thought of sitting there, watching them learn new dances and cheers for football games made me want to crawl in a ball. It felt meaningless.

“Mom, let me start physical therapy first and go from there.” I was tired all the time anyway. Therapy was going to be a huge challenge.

“La-la-la-la…” My sister sang out, trying to bring attention back on her.

“Reece don’t talk with your mouth full,” Mom said.

“I wasn’t. I was singing.”

Mom glowered at my sister.

“Technically she has you there.” I tried to hide my grin.

Mom’s glare moved to me.

My sister giggled, holding out her spoon to me. I clanked mine against hers in victory. Dad had taught us this move. Whenever we chose his side or he won a banter at dinner against my mother, he would clink our utensils in triumph. Reece did it all the time now.

Mom sighed and rose from the table. “I wonder if I can still run an ad in Craigslist to sell two insubordinate children.”

Dad got off work early to take me to physical therapy. We walked into the building near downtown, an old strip mall that had been gutted and fitted with a gym. There were a handful of rooms for massage and private training, but we headed for the main reception area. The woman there took the medical paperwork from Dad and signed us in.

“Justin will be right with you.” She smiled.

Dad and I nodded and turned to view the room. Treadmills lined the window area facing the parking lot. The opposite wall and the spaces in between were equipped with weight machines for every muscle group you could think of.

A brawny man walked up to us, dressed in workout pants and a tight-fitting shirt. “Hi, Jaymerson. I’m Justin. I’ll be your trainer here.” His large hand enveloped mine, shaking it. His thin T-shirt showed every bulging muscle in his chest and arms.

“Hi,” I squeaked. He was average height and looks, but his smooth bald head, bright green eyes, and fit body caused me to stumble over my words.

“Suzie is the other trainer here.” He nodded to a woman in the corner supervising a middle-aged man on the leg press. He was missing his left leg from the knee down.

Suzie was striking, possibly of Hawaiian decent. She was short but fit and curvy in all the right places. Her long, dark hair was pulled back in a ponytail, showing off her cute round face and bronzed skin. I was glad Justin was my trainer. She’d make me want to slap myself thoroughly.

“Let me give you a rundown of how we run things here,” Justin continued on. My father stood diligently next to me. I could see questions already forming in his head. His job gave him too much knowledge of what I would be going through. “We work with each client for an hour and a half. Forty-five minutes is with us; the other time is stretching and working on machines with a partner. We think the healing process has a lot to do with your mental state.” My father nodded at his statement. “And we’ve noticed over the years clients have mended faster mixing with other people going through the same thing. Do you have any questions?”

My father opened his mouth, and I sighed internally. “I agree being around others helps, but I’m more curious about the routine you have to get Jayme back on her feet. That is very crucial.”

“I feel mental outlook is the most important,” Justin said politely back to my dad. I agreed with him. Dad was used to football, where men pushed their bodies to the extreme, without the psychological stuff.

As Justin obliged my father and went into detail about my workout routine, my attention wandered over the room, taking in the people and machines spread through the space. There were only a few people here and most were older. A girl lounging on the mat caught my attention.

She seemed to be around my age, maybe a little older. She was about five-seven. Her body was average, more on the skinny side but not at all toned. She definitely wasn’t a gym rat or fitness freak like Suzie. Her hair was a white-blonde with red, pink, and green streaks underneath. Her eyebrows looked almost black, and she wore thick black eyeliner. A handful of different style necklaces hung from her neck over a white T-shirt. She had on grey cotton leggings and black Nike shoes.

She noticed me staring at her and rolled off the mat to stand. She waved me over, and I drifted away from the buzz of my father’s questions and walked to her, my steps stiff and awkward.

“Hey, newbie.” A wide playful grin crossed her face. I could sense confidence radiating off her. “Welcome to Justin’s and Suzie’s torture chamber where their pleasure is in hurting you.”

“Sounds like fun.”

The girl snorted. “I’m Stevie Colvin.”

“Stevie?”

“My mom was obsessed with Stevie Nicks.” She shrugged.

“You kind of look like her.”

“Yeah, why not embrace it? Think my mom was hoping I would be able to sing too. No such luck.”

I smiled. “I’m Jaymerson.”

“Were your parents obsessed with whiskey?”

“No, that’s Jameson. I was named after my grandpa.”

“Well, your hair is the color of whiskey. Bet you’d go down as smooth.” She winked. “So, what’s your story, Whiskey? Why are you here?”

“Car accident.” I glanced down at my leg, the brace under my sweats strangled any sensations from the nerves.

“Hit and run,” she said, pointing to herself. “Walking across the road near campus on a Friday night.”

“Seriously? They didn’t stop?”

“Probably some drunk frat boy who didn’t want to get into trouble.” She tightened her tricolored ponytail. “Now I’m back living at home till I’m all healed. Hips and back are all messed up.” Her lips twisted down in a frown. “Just looovve living at home with my mom again.” She shifted around grimacing, not putting her weight anywhere for too long.

“How long do you have left?”

“The doctors say another three months if I keep diligent.” A wicked smile enveloped her features. “But I’m not good at being diligent…unless it’s sex.”

Her bluntness took me aback for a moment, but then I realized I liked it. It was refreshing.

“Speaking of…” She nodded her head behind me. “I mean, seriously, his ass can’t be for real. Love to lick it.”

I turned to look over my shoulder. Justin was talking with my father, his profile to us. His butt and chest bulged and curved almost obscenely.

“Also, that one…now I’d really like that one in my bed.” Stevie motioned with her head over my other shoulder. I twisted to see our other trainer, Suzie, bending over, helping the man to stretch out one leg.

My eyebrow curved in surprise. “You’re bi?” I couldn’t help blurting out. I had never met anyone around my age open about being bi or even gay. I knew there were, statistically speaking, and I’d suspected about some kids at school, but few in my high school had admitted it. Stevie seemed to have no such reservation.

“I’m an opportunist.” Stevie grinned. “Why limit myself when I can have both?”

I thought it might make me uncomfortable, but it didn’t. It seemed to fit her.

“I suspect you’re as straight-laced as they come.”

“No,” I responded, my voice unsure.

“Please.” She tilted her head. “You are the stereotype goody-goody girl. Sheltered, sweet, and obedient. Kinda boring, Whiskey.”

Ouch. I frowned and pressed my lips together, wanting to object, but my mouth stayed closed.

“Not to worry; you’ve met me.” She motioned to herself. “I will soon purge those faults out of you.” She winked and laughed.

Speaking her mind seemed to go with her character, and for some reason even though it was directed at me, I liked her even more for it. If I did anything similar, people would be aghast and upset.

“JayJay?” my dad called over. “I’ll pick you up at four thirty.”

I waved to him as he headed for the door.

Justin walked over to us. “Okay, girls, we are here to work, not talk.”

“How about we watch a movie and eat popcorn? I’ve heard it’s very therapeutic,” Stevie said hopefully.

“And how about you grab a yoga ball and weights instead?”

“You are no fun…I mean zero.” Stevie rolled her eyes. “But hey, I’ve heard having sex is a workout and mentally beneficial. You in?”

Justin didn’t even flinch. I had the impression he was used to her frankness. He lifted a dark brown eyebrow, his demeanor no-nonsense.

“Yeah, yeah, yoga ball.” Stevie turned to the far wall, where the yoga stuff sat heaped in piles. “Doing Tantra fitness moves over a large ball, and he doesn’t want me to include him. Just mean,” she mumbled to herself.

“Jaymerson, you are going to start on the machines with me.” He turned toward the treadmill. “Be prepared. This is going to be an uphill battle for a while. You are going to be in a lot of pain, and you are going to have to work especially hard.”

“Way to sugarcoat it,” Stevie yelled from across the room.

He shrugged. “I don’t sugarcoat things.”

Stevie wagged her head. “He doesn’t.”

Even with dread of what was in store for me, I chuckled at Stevie’s comment. I knew I was going to like her. She was different from anyone else I knew.

It was exactly what I wanted.

Chapter Ten

Justin was right about the effort. The excruciating pain and grueling work during the next two weeks was more than I ever imagined. I hadn’t thought about how hard the simple act of walking on a treadmill or lifting minimal weights with my legs would be.

I also hadn’t expected the unbelievable exhaustion from ordinary activities, the nightmares, which tore me from sleep at night, and the feeling of being lost in a giant sea of people where I used to fit in and belong.

The one thing saving me was Stevie. She brought humor back into my life. On down days, when I felt the happiness was a far-off dream, she would help get me out of my funk. She pushed me to keep going.

“Justin and my doctors say I’m getting better. I will be able to return to school next week.” I breathed through clenched teeth as Stevie pushed down on my back, folding me over my legs. It hurt like hell. “Only half days at first.”

“Ugh, Whiskey. That sucks.” She patted me on the head. “So glad I’m out of high school. College is much better. Though taking this semester off means more mommy and daughter time, which compels me to want to go with you next week.”

“Not even living with your mom could make you want to.” I stretched to touch my ankle briefly, not able to hold it for long.

“Yeah, you’re right. High school was awful. One time was enough for me, especially in this tiny town.”

Stevie had graduated before I moved here. She’d been at art college in New York, before her accident.

“You’re probably one of those people who likes high school, don’t you?” She gave up on pushing me forward and plopped down on the mat with an exaggerated huff like she had been the one working out. “Don’t make me hate you, Whiskey. Not after I’ve invested this much time into corrupting you.”

“I did. Before.” I wiped the bead of sweat from my hairline. “I’m not sure of anything anymore.”

“That gives me hope.” She nudged me with her shoulder, then her head snapped to the door, hearing it squeak open, mine following.

Hunter’s tall figure stepped into the room, halting my lungs. His hair was messy, his scruff thick around his face. He wore a dark grey hoodie and long blue and white basketball shorts. Knee braces covered each leg, crutches stuffed under his arms.

My heart twisted and began to pound. Would I ever get used to the initial sight of him? Lose the sensation it was Colton? Then the heart-wrenching disappointment when I realized it wasn’t?

“Hunter Harris, right?” Justin walked over to him, holding out his hand.

Hunter shook it, his gaze lifted and caught mine. His blue eyes flashed, lids narrowing. The world blurred around me. All I could see was his intense glower. I reciprocated.

I hadn’t seen him since the incident in the hallway when he almost died at my feet. Emotions swirled between us. Anger. Hate. Blame. Guilt. Resentment.

“Is anyone else joining you?” Justin leaned around him, peering down the hallway.

Hunter’s attention broke from mine and moved to Justin. “No.”

“Okay, well, let’s get started then. Follow me.” He motioned for Hunter to shadow him across the room. Hunter’s crutches swung forward and clipped the ground, his feet skimming the surface as he ambled after Justin. He held his head perfectly straight as if he were trying not to look over at me.

“Okay, what’s the deal, Whiskey?” Stevie leaned over to me, her eyes wide, glancing between me and Hunter. “Besides him being seriously sexy as hell and some strange vibe I’m picking up between you two?”

I felt the heat in my cheeks prick and start to flush over my face. “That’s Hunter.” I took in a shaky breath, swallowing the lump in my throat. “The twin brother of my boyfriend who was killed. He was in the car too.”

“Twin brother?”

“Identical.”

“Holy shit.” Stevie’s mouth dropped open. “This is like a soap opera. All we need is some amnesia and him thinking he’s the other twin till the end of the season where the big twist is revealed.”

My lids flickered in annoyance.

“Yeah. Okay, I might be spending too much time on the sofa watching TV.”

“You think?”

“Not much else to do at my house.”

“This is my life, not a soap opera.” I wrapped my arms around my better leg, trying to pull it up. It was still stiff and uncomfortable. “And we’ve never liked each other. I mean, we can’t tolerate each other. Now Colton is gone…we no longer have to play nice.”

“Hate is a funny thing.” Stevie glanced between us again. “All I see is heated friction between you two.”

“Gross, Stevie.” A surge of irritation sizzled up my spine. “My boyfriend’s dead, and all you can joke about is friction with Hunter? That’s twisted, even for you.”

“Nothing is too twisted for me.”

“Hunter is not someone I want in my life. He’s bad news. Constantly got Colton to help clean up his mess, needing to be bailed out of trouble all the time. It’s the reason Colton got in the car that night. Why he is dead.”

“No. Your boyfriend is dead because he was stupid and drove drunk. Without a seatbelt. A sad, too common cautionary tale, which never seems to be learned.”

“I let him do it. I could have tried harder. Been stronger.” I stared down at my hands. “Neither one of us stopped him. It’s our fault he is dead.”

“No. You can’t control other people. Only yourself. It’s not your fault or his.” She lifted her hand at Hunter across the room. “Everyone is always so busy trying to find someone to blame or a reason to make themselves feel better, but sometimes things just happen. Unfair and pointless. But good or bad, this is life, and we have to deal with what it gives us.”

She stared down at her hands; her forehead furrowed. It was the most serious I’d ever seen her. “My dad battled cancer for years and finally won. He was in remission. The doctors said they didn’t see signs of it anymore. Then he went to work and died of a heart attack. Now tell me the fairness or reason in that?” She played with her chipping nails. “There isn’t. And there is no one to blame. It’s just life. Sucks, but we go on.”

“I’m sorry.”

She shrugged. “I’m saying it’s useless to be angry or blame Hunter for something out of your control. He probably hates himself more than you ever could anyway.”

I glanced over at Hunter. Irrational anger still simmered up my throat looking at him. Even if Stevie was right, my ire didn’t budge.

“This is why I don’t give myself limits and try to live life to the fullest. You never know when your number is up.” She used me as a brace as she pushed herself to her feet. “Speaking of that, I’m gonna go see if Suzie does home visits. I could use more one-on-one time.” Stevie winked and walked over to the dark-haired trainer, putting the weights and bands back in their designated spots.

I couldn’t stop the amused grin pulling at the edge of my mouth. I could never be as daring or forward as Stevie, but she made me look at life differently. The version of me before the accident didn’t want to look outside of the box, stay safe, and uncomplicated. But the box was broken into pieces, and I was roaming free in this huge world feeling lost, scared, and alone.

“Stevie, your turn,” Justin called from beside the treadmill. Hunter stepped off. Sweat ran down his face, falling onto his T-shirt, soaking it. He had been a part of our group for a week now and both of us had been able to avoid each other. We had yet to exchange a word. “Hunter, stretch out with Jaymerson. Your legs are going to cramp.”

Until now.

I dropped Stevie’s leg, turning to Justin, my mouth opened to object or come up with some excuse.

“I can stretch out by myself.” Hunter wiped his face with his shirt, beating me to it.

“That’s nice for you.” Justin’s tone conveyed Hunter better walk his butt right over to me. Quickly. “Stevie. Now.”

Stevie rolled up. “Keep your panties on.” She sauntered over to the trainer. “Or better yet, don’t.” She laughed and winked at him.

Hunter’s forehead furrowed, the sides of his mouth inching down in annoyance. He limped over, keeping his gaze from me. He made a noise and lowered himself onto the mat. A wince of pain cut across his features. He lay on his back, staring up at the ceiling but otherwise didn’t speak or move.

“Your leg.” I huffed, lifting my hand. His eyes darted to me, more lines descended down his brow. It was a moment before he lifted his leg, placing his heel in my palm. A nerve twitched in his jaw, and he blew out air.

The fantasy of shoving his leg back toward his head, inflicting tremendous pain, blasted through my head, flinching my hands. I wanted to hurt him, to cause him agony. The same that consumed my heart. Most of the time I could block my emotions, but Hunter stirred them like an electric beater.

I bit down and lifted his leg to his limit.

“You want to hurt me right now, don’t you?” his gaze burned into me.

I almost dropped his leg with surprise.

“It’s all over your face. I know you hate me.” He kept his voice even, staring blankly at the ceiling again. “I don’t really care.”

“I think it’s better if we don’t talk. Or I might do something I’ll regret.”

It was so subtle I almost missed it, but his lips tilted with amusement.

“Go for it.” His smile was replaced with a stiff-lipped challenge. “Do your worst.”

My nails dug into his shoes. I took a staggered breath, trying to calm the raging beast inside. There was so much anger all the time.

“Always well behaved,” he taunted. Something deep in his eyes, an emotion, flittered through. “But I know there’s another side. Go ahead…” I dropped his leg. It slammed down on the mat. A grunt came from deep in his throat and his jaw snapped together. “Feel better?”

“Shut up,” I growled. “You think me hurting you is going to make me feel better?” It was exactly what I wanted to do.

Agony beaded in sweat along his hairline as he pushed himself up to his feet. His body leering over mine. “Yes,” he seethed. “You blame me for Colton.”

“No, I don’t.” Lie. I could sense the attention of others in the room, but nobody stepped in. “Okay, I did, but I don’t anymore.”

Hunter laughed sardonically. “Jesus, you can’t even be honest with yourself.”

“What do you mean?”

“Hit me. Kick me. Get it out, because nothing you can do is going to make me feel worse than I already do.”

I could see Suzie move toward us out of my peripheral vision. Justin shook his head, halting her.

“Now you’re sorry? When it’s too late?” My hands fisted in a ball. “You didn’t seem to have any problem using Colton when he was alive.”

Hunter’s shoulder’s stiffened. “Is that what you think?”

“Yes!” I screamed. Even with the memory of how our fight ended last time, I couldn’t stop the hate from leaping back out. “If he were still alive, would you feel so horrible? No! You’d continue to use him to bail you out. And he would have let you.”

Hunter’s entire body went rigid. “You righteous bitch,” he growled. “You know nothing…and see even less.”

My fist smashed into his chest. “I see you just fine, asshole.”

“Do it,” he sneered. “Let’s see if you feel better or if it puts me in the grave instead of Colton.”

I struck out, hitting his chest over and over. Hunter clenched his muscles, taking every blow, until energy leaked from me, turning my punches into soft taps. I let my arms drop, leaned over my legs, and gulped in staggered breaths. I still wouldn’t let a tear fall from my eyes, but my throat quaked with unreleased sadness.

The room was silent and still around us, as everyone waited and watched. The tension choked the air between us like smoke.

“I’m sorry.” Hunter’s voice was deep and controlled. “But if it makes you feel better, I hate myself more. No matter what you think of me, I loved my brother, and there isn’t a moment goes by I don’t wish he was here. Or I could take his spot. For everyone’s sake.” Hunter swiveled around and hobbled for the door.

When the door shut behind him, a mass of loathing clogged my esophagus. For myself. No matter what kind of person Hunter was, he had lost his brother, his twin. That level of pain had to be unbearable.

Stevie was right. Blaming him didn’t bring Colton back. It only left me feeling emptier inside.

Chapter Eleven

I lifted my backpack over my shoulder and closed the Subaru door. The front of the school loomed over me, filling me with trepidation. I turned and grabbed for the door handle, the automatic locks bolting down with a clank and impeding my way back to security. My eyes flashed up to my father’s. He shook his head, lowering the window just enough I couldn’t reach through.

“You have to go back sometime. Might as well be today.”

“Tomorrow. I promise. I’ll go tomorrow.” I only needed one more day…or a week…of not having people staring, whispering, and asking if I was okay.

“Tomorrow is already Friday.”

“Yeah, works for me. The day after is even better.” They wanted to start me off slow, with a couple of half days, but next week I’d go back full time.

“Mom will pick you up after lunch.” He ignored my pleading. “She thought you might enjoy spending time with your friends.” No, she wanted me to spend time with them. I wanted to go home and hide under my covers.

Inhale, Jayme. You can do this. I bit down on my lip and turned back to the school, giving my dad a little wave over my shoulder. He pulled away quickly, probably afraid I’d change my mind again.

My shoes hit the stone steps, my legs slowly taking me to the main entrance, aching with each tread. I clutched the railing, pausing for a breath. I refused to bring my crutches, not wanting the extra attention. I was already regretting it. My eyes flickered to the main entrance. People moved around me and shuffled through the front doors.

Suddenly memories besieged me: Colton kissing me on the steps. The countless times we walked hand and hand through the front doors. I clutched my chest. I couldn’t stop from looking over my shoulder at the football field. A lacy mist hovered over the green lawn, rays of early morning sun reflecting off the fog. He would never play on that field again. Or any other. Sadness stung my eyes.

I finally crossed the entrance threshold, sweat tickling my brow, and stopped. The familiar hallway lingered before me. It was exactly the same. Ghosts of Colton occupied every inch. Recollections of his voice calling my name down these hallways reverberated in my head.

Gazes burned into me, following me through the hall to my locker, like a I was some freak experiment in a jar. I swallowed and took a deep breath. My cheeks burned, and my throat itched, thickening with the thought that Colton wouldn’t be here to save me. To happily take the attention off me.

The first bell rang, rousing the sleepwalking students from their stupor, looking like electrocuted zombies.

“Jaymerson!” Savannah’s high-pitched squeal jolted me. The brunette beauty dashed straight for me. Her eyes roved over all the people gawking. “You’re back!”

“Hey,” I greeted her as she crashed into the locker next to mine, ignoring the boy trying to get into it.

“Hey?” she repeated, emphasizing the word dramatically. “All I get is hey? Why didn’t you tell me you were coming back today? This is exciting.” Exciting is not how I would classify it. Gut wrenching, awkward, sad, uncomfortable, and strange, maybe. “I’m glad you’re back. We’ve missed you so much at cheerleading practice. You’re coming today, right? Coach will be happy.” She flattened back into the locker, playing with the ends of her long hair before she flung it over her shoulder.

The speed with which she talked spun my head. Her buzzing energy now made me feel as if I kept getting hit by a drive-by.

“Oh my god. Everyone is staring at you.” She whispered loudly, glancing around. Her mouth twisted in a frown, but her eyes glinted with excitement. She liked the attention any way it came. “Move along now.” She swished her hand at the people, directing it mostly at the boy standing next to her.

“I-I’m trying to get into my locker,” the boy stuttered, pointing behind her. He looked to be a freshman and clearly intimated by her.

“So?” she replied.

I slammed my locker, grabbed her arm, and pulled her away. She glared at the boy over her shoulder but quickly turned the moment we stepped away.

“There is so much to catch up on. Jason and I are back together. Well, at least this week. Carrie is all excited and wants to take me shopping.” Savannah rolled her eyes. “Okay, what else? Chloe is seeing this college guy. He’s so hot. I’m going with her to a party this weekend. Do you want to come?” I shook my head. “You should. There will be so many hot guys there.” She winked. Savannah had no clue how insulting and hurtful she could be. Did she think I could easily get over Colton’s death and look for another boyfriend? “Madison still has the hots for Adam, but he’s into a cheerleader at our rival school.” She rattled on. I was barely listening, my focus on trying to walk to my class, without either collapsing or having a breakdown. The pain in my body was nothing compared to my heart.

At least Savannah didn’t ask many questions, mostly talking about herself and her drama. We got to the doorway of my class. “I’ll see you at lunch. Glad you’re back.” She drifted away, waving over her shoulder. “I’ll tell Coach you’ll be there later.”

I didn’t even try to argue. It was pointless. I inhaled deeply and took a step into the room. Colton had been in my first and third-period classes. Today I had to get through them without noticing the empty seat next to mine.

I pinched my lips together as I walked into the room. Mom had sensed this would be a tough day and set up an extra counseling session for later. I didn’t want to go. The counselor would only force me to relive this, talk about it. I didn’t want to do either. I wanted to be left alone.

“Good morning, Jaymerson.” My English teacher, Mr. Foster, nodded at me. “Good to have you back.”

I nodded and moved toward my seat, my gaze drifted to the vacant desk beside mine. I settled down in my chair while students ran in as the final bell rang, filling the seats around me.

I tried not to keep glancing over at Colton’s vacant spot, but my gaze drifted against my will. When I turned to look, Colton sat next to me, a goofy smile on his face. “Hey, babe.” His playful voice sounded like honey to my wounded heart.

I jerked back with a yelp, closing my eyes. When I reopened them, the space was empty.

“Jaymerson?” Mr. Foster called my name. “Are you all right?”

I nodded, suddenly overly aware of everyone in the class staring at me. “Uh. Yes. Fine,” I replied, heat rushing over me.

Mr. Foster didn’t look convinced, but he accepted it. “All right, class, attention back up here. I hope you did the reading, because we are having a pop quiz.”

The class made a collective groan.

“Except you, Jaymerson; you can take it later if you’d like.”

I shook my head. “No, I’ll take it.” It was on a book I had read three times already for pleasure. Most rolled their eyes at my decline. I was ahead of everyone in most of my classes, especially health and science. Dad encouraged me there. I annoyed my friends when I did extra credit even when I didn’t have to. It was all for college. To make sure I got in. To where and for what, I didn’t know. I’d never thought that far ahead.

The rest of the morning went by in a fog, my body a shell yearning for Colton, who was only there in spirit. Loud and strong. Pictures of him, football trophies in the cabinet, his memory saturated everything I looked at. There was even a sign-up sheet for a potluck to raise money to add a memorial for him next to the football field.

At lunch, I thought I kept seeing him out the corner of my eye. It made me jumpy and distracted, not that I had to be attentive to the crowd I sat with. The boys talked about the away game on Friday. The girls whispered about the party Chloe’s new boyfriend was having.

I stared out the window, watching the leaves flitter and glide to the ground, coating the sidewalk in oranges, browns, and reds. I’d never felt so alone. I had considered this group my friends, but without Colton, I realized I was an outsider. I understood what they talked about wasn’t silly and boring to them, but I couldn’t seem to pretend I cared now. Did I ever? If games, school, and cheerleading were important before, why did they so easily become nothing to me?

Since the day I woke up, all I did was question myself and see myself from a different point of view. And so far I didn’t like what I saw. This realization created anger and restlessness. Did I even know who I was? It seemed all I did was play a role. Be the good daughter, student, and girlfriend. I did it to make people happy, to not make waves. But now none of those felt like they fit me.

Losing Colton unraveled me, leaving me broken and stripped down to nothing. But how could you put yourself back together if you didn’t know who you really were in the first place?

“How was it?” Mom pulled Grandma Nessa’s silver Mercedes out of the school parking lot. Dad drove our only car back and forth from the university. Our town was small and quaint enough that Mom usually biked or rode the bus to work. Having one car with three eligible drivers was becoming a huge issue, especially lately with all my appointments and training. Grandma Nessa let us borrow her car.

“Fine.”

Her mouth pinched. “Can you expand?”

“It was fine.”

“Jaymerson.” She sighed.

“What do you want to hear, Mom? Classes are the same; everything else was horrible.”

“Why was it horrible? Wasn’t it nice being with your friends again?”

I glanced out the window. She wanted the best for me. I realized that, but I sensed if I said anything about how I actually felt, it would upset her. She didn’t know how else to help me get through this. My friends, cheerleading, getting back to a routine was how she thought I would get better. Those things seemed to be making it worse. I hated being like this. I had never been the disgruntled teenager, but the emotions inside were too strong for me to fight.

“Nancy called again. She was hoping you’d help with a potluck.”

“It’s not a simple potluck, Mom. It’s for Colton’s memorial.”

“Yes,” she said sadly, keeping her attention fixed on the road. “It might be nice for you to be a part of it. They want to leave a lasting monument in his honor.”

A strange laugh belted out of me. “Sorry your boyfriend is dead, but here is a bench your ass can sit on instead.”

“Jayme, it’s more than that and you know it.”

“Is it?” I responded. “It’s a plaque. A thing people do so they feel better about themselves.”

“Jaymerson Vanessa, what has gotten into you?”

“It doesn’t mean anything, Mom. It doesn’t bring him back. It only means something to the ones who didn’t really know him.”

Mom gripped the steering wheel, her brows furrowing. She went silent, and I knew she was upset.

The tension in the car built. I didn’t regret what I said, but I didn’t like hurting her. I knew she took off work to pick me up, losing much-needed money. I had heard my parents fighting about money, and asking my grandparents, all of them, for help with the medical bills. Insurance only paid so much. And the time they took off work while I was in a coma put us deeper in debt.

Guilt overrode my true emotions. “I’m sorry, Mom,” I said quietly.

She took a moment before letting out her frustration in a heavy exhale. “I only want the best for you, JayJay. I thought being a part of Colton’s dedication might help you have closure.”

A monument to Colton would not give me any kind of closure, but I let it go. “I know you do. Of course, I’ll help with the potluck.”

We drove into the parking lot of my therapist’s office.

“You’ve been by yourself so much lately. It’s not good for you. You need to be with your friends and be part of things again.” She pressed her mouth together like she wanted to say more.

“What?”

She stirred, licking her lips. “Maybe it would help…if you visited Colton’s grave.”

I still hadn’t visited the place where he was buried. I wasn’t ready to go there. He haunted me enough here. “No,” I replied sharply.

“I thin—”

“No. I can’t. Not yet.” I got out of the car. Helping with Colton’s memorial was one thing, visiting his grave was another. I wasn’t ready for that step yet.

“Okay.” She nodded, watching me get out. She leaned over to peer at me. “While you’re here, I’m going to run to the store and get something for dinner. Your sister wants pasta. Again.” Mom rolled her eyes. My sister was in a pasta-with-butter phase. We had it a lot. “I’ll be here when you get out.”

“Okay, thanks.” I closed the door. Mom hit the automatic window on my side.

“I’ll also call Nancy and say you’re going to help out. Maybe in the next couple of weeks you can start going to practice. At least be there.”

“Sure,” I said, when all I wanted to say was no.

As she drove off, it felt as if I were strangling the girl inside, the one who had been there the whole time but was ignored. The new version of me wanted to rise, but the more I put on the old skin, the more she was silenced.

I was at a crossroads. I could either quash this new me and return to what they wanted me to be, or I could let her come out. The problem was she was angry, strong, fierce, and not looking to pacify people.

I was terrified of her.

Chapter Twelve

The weekend passed in a cloud of tension. I had more tiffs with my parents than I had in my entire life. The moment I recognized this new fierce girl inside, she would not sit in the background and stay quiet.

My sister had a strong personality. Stubborn and spirited. I liked that she was gutsy and determined. A pain sometimes, but overall I loved her more for it. I started to watch my family with her, how they responded to her, laughing and enjoying her fierce personality. Yet the moment I said something bold, they stared at me like I had grown four heads and gave each other pointed looks, secretly communicating their displeasure or fear at my actions.

Frustration at home spread to school, taking over through the week. I sat in class twitchy and impatient, staring out the window. It all seemed stupid and pointless. My knees bobbed, waiting to escape the room, to get far away from here. By the next Friday I wanted to implode. The only thing saving me was seeing Stevie during the week. Those were the few times I laughed or felt relaxed. Hunter had missed the week’s session, and I was curious what happened to him but didn’t ask.

Coach Nancy and Savannah had both bombarded me that morning with potluck ideas. I said yes. To what? I had no idea. I didn’t care.

“Ms. Holloway,” Mr. Kisner, the short, stout, uptight math teacher called to me. Today his deep yellow sweater made his round belly look like a jar of mustard. “I would like your attention up here.”

I sat back in my seat, staring at the board. He continued with his lesson. I was ahead in this class too. Everything he talked about I already knew. It made me want to knock my head against my desk, hoping the painfulness of the class would lessen.

I wasn’t naturally smart; I worked hard. But what was I working so hard for? I hadn’t even thought about colleges except the ones my parents wanted me to apply to or where Colton might be going.

Jesus, Jayme, who does that?

What an idiot I had been. Planning to attend a college because of a boy? I hadn’t even cared what school. It’s pathetic.

I waggled my head in disgust at myself. I was honest with Colton the night I told him of my dreams to travel the world, visiting museums, and absorbing life in different places. Paris. London. Florence. Bruges. All sounded amazing. I had read in one of the college pamphlets they had a school abroad program. The thought excited and terrified me. That level of freedom? To not have my parents anywhere near me, to be able to do anything I wanted at any time in another country? I could hear my Grandma Penny whispering in my ear to jump. Live my life.

If Colton were still alive, I would have pushed the thought away. I would have followed him to college. Not venturing out of his world. He was no longer here. My tether was broken, and it scared me to death. But for the first time, the fear was a little exhilarating.

The rain over the weekend left the leaves on the ground wet and soggy, and I stared at them, creating abstract art in the deteriorating foliage.

“Ms. Holloway!” Kisner’s nasal voice bounced off the glass into my face. I snapped forward. “I will not ask you again.”

“Good,” I mumbled and turned my head out the window again.

“Excuse me?” Two red splotches formed on his cheeks.

I forced my gaze to stay on him but didn’t respond.

“Well, Ms. Holloway, if you are sure you will pass this exam, which is worth half your grade, then please…” He swept his hand toward the door, his tone snide. “Be my guest. Go find something that holds your attention more. I hate to bore you. I’m here to teach the students who want to learn.”

My feet itched to move, to get up and leave, to call his bluff, but outright disrespecting a teacher was a line I never thought I’d cross. Even Mr. Kisner. However, lately I wanted to do a lot of things I never imagined I would.

I stayed in my seat.

A smug smile quivered at the edges of his mouth. “Now as I was saying before I was rudely interrupted,” the round man arrogantly stated.

I wanted to punch him.

When the bell rang for lunch, I blended in with everyone. I could sense Kisner wanted to speak with me, but I didn’t trust myself to be left alone with him. I might say or do something detrimental.

It wasn’t going to be long before someone hit my trigger.

“Oh my god, did you hear Aubrey hooked up with a sophomore at the party Saturday?” Chloe leaned over the table with a conspiratorial whisper. She glanced over her shoulder at the girl in question, who was sitting at the next table. “She’s a senior! I mean, yes, he’s on the football team, but he’s like, a kid. A benchwarmer. It’s so gross.”

“Seriously gross.” Savannah let her whisper ride through the air.

I looked over at Aubrey. Her eyes darted to our table, then looked down, her cheeks turning red. She knew she was being talked about. I had never liked to gossip, even when I was dating Colton, tuning it out, ignoring their chatter. Sitting here, watching tears fill the girl’s eyes, I realized my silence was just as bad. Letting them be mean, because I was too scared to stand up and say something.

Now their cruelty was like a hot poker. I growled in my throat, shaking my head, shoving my tray away.

“You okay?” Savannah raised her eyebrows.

“Not hungry. Suddenly feeling sick to my stomach.” And I don’t want to be here.

“Well, please start eating soon because you’re making me feel fat.” She laughed, circling my wrist with her fingers. “Seriously, hospital food might be the best diet!”

Frenzied anger ballooned my chest, and I bolted up, ignoring the pinching sting in my muscles.

“Yeah, Savannah,” my voice vibrating with derision. “I also recommend having your boyfriend die, be in a coma for a month, and go through the most horrendous pain to walk again. It does wonders for your figure.”

The table went silent, everyone stared at me.

“Geez, Jayme. I was only teasing.” Savannah’s brows snapped together. “What crawled up your ass today?”

“Teasing. Right.” I whirled around and left the cafeteria, needing air. My limp pulled focus and boiled more heat under my skin. I pushed through the doors and down the hall, breaking through the back exit toward the football field, gulping for air.

Why did I react like that? Ever since coming out of the coma, I almost believed I had been put in the wrong body. The girl on the outside didn’t fit with the girl on the inside. I was lost, belonging nowhere, and to nothing.

The muscles in my legs twitched, and I strolled across the tennis courts, stretching them out. Lately, I preferred to be by myself than in overcrowded cafeteria. Especially with people I was supposed to consider friends.

Reaching the field, I took in a deep breath, my gaze catching on a figure alone in the stands. My lungs and feet stopped. I recognized him instantly. Hunter stretched out at the top of the bleachers as he leaned back onto the railing. His crutches lay next to him.

He’s back at school? It had to be his first day back. We had fifth period together. I would have definitely noticed his return.

He was alone, which seemed odd. He usually hung around his two friends, Jones and Megan, who still attended this school. Most of his friends didn’t. All of them were the anti-school types. The “tattoo, lip rings, metal music, smoking in their cars during lunch, doing the minimal work to pass” kind. Never a group I had cause to associate with.

I took a step forward. The reasons to turn around and walk away completely outweighed the ones to keep walking, but I didn’t stop. It took me longer than normal and my breath was short, determination keeping me going. I awkwardly climbed the steps and strolled down the aisle where he was.

Hunter kept his head forward, not acknowledging my presence. I sat down on the bench, cold and slightly damp, leaving a gap between us.

Some of the football players were on the field, showing off for a few girls clustered on the edge of the field, giggling and pretending not to notice the boys checking them out.

We both stayed quiet for a while. He finally let out an exasperated sigh. “What are you doing?”

“I don’t know.” I shrugged.

“Aren’t you supposed to be with the cheerleaders and popular crowd? Not hanging around the bad guy on the bleachers.”

“Yeah, I should.” I rubbed my hands over my jeans, warming my muscles.

“Then why are you here?”

“I told you.” I slipped him a glance. “I. Don’t. Know.” His baseball cap blocked his eyes. A light scruff covered his face, framing his strong chin and defining his full lower lip. I looked away.

We both pretended to watch the action on the field, but I was overly aware of his presence beside me. It was suffocating. And strangely comforting.

“Maybe I don’t belong in that crowd anymore.” I kept my head forward, going back to his first question. “I don’t belong anywhere. I thought you might be the one person here who would understand.”

He stayed quiet.

“Ever since the accident nothing is the same, and I can’t pretend everything is fine, like they want me to. Friends, teachers, counselors, my parents… They had two months longer to mourn. They are ready to move on.” Bitterness darted in and out of my words. “I’m not.”

He didn’t move an inch, but I felt him, more palpable than the air surrounding me.

“And some stupid memorial is not going to help.”

He snorted as if he concurred.

“I see things differently now. What I thought was fun, is now meaningless to me. I can see everyone struggling to understand me, thinking it’s a phase, hoping I will be over it soon. Then we can go back to how it used to be.” I swallowed the lump in my throat. I couldn’t even talk to my parents about this. As much as they loved me, I knew they wanted the same thing: to have me back to normal, before the accident.

Yet, I didn’t have a normal anymore.

“I miss him. Every day.” My fingers twisted around each other, aware of the intensity of Hunter’s gaze on me. “I miss being comfortable in my bubble. Blindly happy. Content with my life. But it’s not who I am anymore, and I can’t pretend to be. So, can I sit here, not pretending to be okay for a while?”

Hunter’s gaze held mine for a moment then turned back on the field. “Yeah.”

I leaned back against the railing, both of us content not to talk. He tossed a bag of chips down between us. I tugged out a chip, munching quietly.

“They asked me to be part of the memorial. I told them to fuck off.” He grabbed a chip. “My parents love the idea of course. Like it’s some consolation prize.”

“People don’t know what else to do.”

“Then I wish they would do nothing. Leave me alone.”

Wow. It was exactly what I had thought. “I agree.” We both went quiet again, staring at the action below.

“Being here is torture,” he said softly. “He’s everywhere.”

I looked over at Hunter, his blue eyes peering out from under the hat, locking on mine.

A common thread existed between us. An awareness no one else in the world had. He’d lost a brother, I’d lost a boyfriend, but we both lost a best friend. We lost the life we knew. An innocence to life only death robbed you of.

The bell signaled the end of lunch. I huffed, pulling my jacket in tighter around me.

“Better get going, Jayme. You don’t want to be late.”

“What about you?” This was the class we shared.

He stared over the now empty field. “I’m good here.”

“Have you made it to any class today?”

“No.”

I had never cut school, but the idea suddenly was appealing.

“Then why don’t you go home?”

He tipped his head against the railing.

“Because, sadly, this place is still better than being home.”

“It must be hard to be there. To have so many reminders of him.”

“Yeah, it is. But that’s not the only reason.” His mouth twisted as he chucked the bag of chips toward a garbage can below. It hit the lid and fell outside the can, curling his lip up higher. “Let’s say it’s not a warm, comfortable place to be.”

I’d been to their house enough and heard Colton complain about his parents. Mr. Harris was extremely strict with the boys and seemed constantly at war with Hunter. One time I heard Mitch screaming at Hunter about what a failure and fuck-up he was, wishing he was more like Colton. Julia sat there, letting the abusive words hammer down on her son without lifting her eyes from her manicure. I went home feeling disgusted. No matter if Hunter was a screw-up or not, it was awful to hear a parent talk to his son that way.

Mr. Harris was also tough on Colton, but in a different way. It was always about football, pushing Colton to be better. Mr. and Mrs. Harris came to every game, and the one time I saw Mitch hug Colton was when our team won the state championship.

“Let’s say I’m not the son they wished lived.”

I had no response. Time ticked and I knew the second bell would be sounding soon.

“Go, Jaymerson. You don’t want to get in trouble.” He glanced at me with scorn before he turned back to the field.

I pressed my lips together. I kind of did. A huge part of me wanted to know what it was like to actually rebel, to follow my desire rather than ignore it.

Instead I got up and did what I was supposed to.

I watched him through the safety of glass. He continued to sit on the bleachers all of fifth period, staring off. The history lesson ceased to hold my attention. The window facing the field was too much temptation.

“Jayme?” Mrs. Ambose softly called to me.

Here we go again. I angled my head back to her. I liked her enough, and yet history was the only class I didn’t excel in. I enjoyed the subject, but sweet as she was, her teaching style was dry and dull, never venturing off the set curriculum. No more, no less.

My body was listless and heavy after lunch and her soft-spoken voice had a sedative effect. History should be exciting, almost conveyed like a drama.

“I’m sorry, but could I please have your attention up here?” I hadn’t realized till then how timid and unsure she was.

I nodded, yet it wasn’t long till her voice numbed my brain again, returning my gaze to the field. Hunter was still and silent, but he demanded my attention.

He pulled a phone from his pocket, putting it to his ear. Who is he talking to? What is he saying? What did I really know about Hunter Harris? He shoved the phone back in his pocket, taking off his hat, rubbing his head, then shoving it back on.

“Jaymerson?”

Oh, for crying out loud. Why can’t anyone just let me daydream?

“Do you have your assignment?” Mrs. Ambose held a bunch of papers in her hand, students passing them forward.

“What?” I glanced around.

“Assignment?”

“No.”

“You don’t have it?” Her eyes widened in surprise.

I was one of her hardest-working students: always turned in assignments on time, passed every test, did extra credit.

“No. I don’t have it.” I stirred in my seat.

“What about yesterday’s?”

“Not that one either.”

Mrs. Ambose’s mouth pinched. She adjusted her glasses. “Come speak to me after class.”

No. I did not need this today. I stood up, reaching for my bag.

“Jaymerson, what are you doing?”

“Sorry. I’m not feeling well. I’m going to the nurse.” I headed for the door.

“You can’t just leave. You need to ask for a pass.”

I walked through the door, ignoring her calls for me to come back. I couldn’t stop. Didn’t they see? I was tumbling into a void with no way of stopping.

Chapter Thirteen

I spent the rest of the period under a tree, near the spot they were dedicating for Colton’s memorial. Sitting here didn’t make me feel better, or closer to him. This would be the last place he’d want to be. But I knew memorials weren’t for the dead; they were to help the living.

When the bell rang for the last period, I went. Health and science was the only class I still enjoyed. Probably because at age six my dad bought me a microscope, encouraging my interest in science, and I’d begun dissecting and examining things. Mr. Fredrick, the teacher, was cool. He made class exciting. Here my mind was occupied, giving me peace from the relentless churning of grief.

After class, I walked to my locker, anxious to leave.

“Jayme!” My name echoed down the hall, Savannah’s voice ping-ponging off the lockers. I hobbled as quickly as I could but knew it was pointless. When she had her sights on you, there was no escape. “Jaymerson!”

I twirled my locker combo, preparing myself for her assault.

“Girl.” Savannah plastered herself over the same boy’s locker, cutting him off from getting in. “I’ve been screaming your name. Did you not hear me?”

“Uh. No.” I swung the door open.

“Did you go deaf too?” She shook her head, her ponytail swishing her brown hair back and forth. “I heard you walked out of Mrs. Ambose’s class. Not that I haven’t thought of it before. She’s so boring. Where did you disappear to at lunch? You just got up and left. You’re not mad at me or anything? Because I was only joking.”

“No,” I lied. “I forgot I had to meet with Mr. Foster for extra credit. I’m still behind.”

Her hazel eyes narrowed and she leaned back, tipping her head to the side. Students moved around us, retrieving their items. “Funny, because Adam said he saw someone who looked like you in the bleachers with Hunter.”

I couldn’t say I had been invisible being with Colton as he had not been the fade-in-the-background type, but now the spotlight was on me, every move under scrutiny and judgment.

“Nope.” I shoved my math book in my bag, shaking my head. “Not me. Adam must have been mistaken.”

“Good.” Savannah rolled her head to me, her shoulders dropping in relief. “Because even though he was Colton’s brother, he’s a weirdo. Hot, but a total future felon.” She scrunched her nose. “And plus hanging out with his twin like he’s some replacement model... it’s definitely creepy.”

Savannah was not known for keeping her thoughts to herself. But unlike Stevie, hers were nasty and gossipy. At one time I found her amusing. That had ceased. Honesty was one thing, but Savannah could be downright cruel.

“You coming to cheerleading practice? We’re doing some final tweaks on the fundraising potluck.” It was set for Sunday evening, and I knew I should be at this meeting.

My locker slammed with a clank. “No. I can’t.”

Savannah rolled her eyes.

“I have physical therapy.” I could even sense the lie hang between us. She knew it was on Wednesdays. “Justin had to cancel Wednesday and rescheduled it for today.”

Savannah pressed her lips together, slowing her energy-filled strides to walk with me. “Whatever.” She waved her hand back and forth. “Then please tell me you’re going to Jason’s party?”

My mouth barely opened.

“Pleeeeaaasse, Jayme?” She linked her arm through mine, leaning her head on my shoulder. “You have to come. Chloe is going out with her college boy, and I have no one to go with.”

“Gee, thanks.”

“Actually, you have no choice.” She giggled and bopped ahead of me. “I’ll pick you up at nine.” She hopped away, like an Energizer Bunny. The more she bounced, the more I felt energy being sucked from me. The last thing in the world I wanted to go to was a party. At that house…

I reversed the fizz of anxiety, swallowing it back. I hitched my backpack higher on my shoulder and strolled into the late afternoon sun. A chill hung in the air, the holidays nearing.

The parking lot was clearing out quickly. I made my way down the school steps, heading for the bus. My gaze drifted to a guy bending over a bench, his firm ass outlined clearly in his jeans. Almost as if he sensed my eyes on him, he straightened, bouncing on one leg, stuffing his crutch under his arm, and glanced over his shoulder at me.

An intense blush crawled over my face.

He still had his hat on adding a pair of aviator sunglasses. He should have blended in with his dark jeans, T-shirt, glasses, jacket, and hat, but it only did the opposite.

I looked down at my feet. “Hey.”

“Hey,” Hunter said, keeping his focus on the cars in the parking lot. The veins in his arms popped under his skin, his hands clutching the handles of the crutches.

I felt like an idiot, but my feet would not walk away. “Getting picked up?” I knew the answer. He wasn’t allowed to drive yet; his legs were still too damaged. My lungs clenched with crippling fear at the thought of getting behind the wheel.

“Clearly,” Hunter curtly replied.

“So…you’re back to being a jerk?” I gripped the strap of my bag.

He scoffed, turning his head to look at me, my reflection catching in his glasses. “I was never not a jerk.”

“You want to hide behind the douchebag image you created.”

“Don’t confuse me for my brother. I am not the nice twin remember?”

“Believe me, Hunter, I could never confuse you two.”

“Really?” He scoffed.

“Definitely.” My lids narrowed. “You’re right; it’s not an image. You’re just a douchebag.”

He smirked, shaking his head. “I thought you hated me, and it was better if we stayed away from each other?”

“I did…do,” I fumbled. Walk away, Jayme. The silence grew between us, but I didn’t budge. Move feet! Move! What is wrong with me? Why am I still standing here with this jackass?

He shifted, hobbling a little, his mouth pinched. “What do you want from me?”

Like a bolt of lightning, emotion flooded my eyes, clogged my throat. “I don’t know,” I whispered. A connection, a lifeline, someone who understood? A piece of Colton back? It wasn’t fair to Hunter… or to me. Colton was gone, and I needed to deal with the loss, not substitute his twin.

A pimped-out blue Pontiac skidded into the parking lot, music blaring. The engine roared, rolling to a stop in front of Hunter. I recognized the driver as one of Hunter’s friends, Doug. Colton called him “Dropout Dougie.” He dropped out his senior year five years ago and worked as a mechanic downtown ever since.

“You say I don’t know a lot. Maybe you need to figure it out before you try to look to me for answers.” Hunter grabbed his bag off the bench and limped to the passenger-side door.

Doug peered over his glasses at me and smacked Hunter when he got in the car. “You’re leaving her standing there?” Doug motioned to me. “And you call me an idiot.”

I could only hear Hunter mumble the words “brother” and “girlfriend” over the loud music.

Doug shrugged. “She’s still hot.” He threw the car into gear, tearing from the parking lot, leaving me alone.

Waves of embarrassment, anger, and disappointment rolled over me. I was furious at Hunter, at life. Mostly I was mad at myself for reaching out to the one person I knew would bite my hand off. There was a big sign, and I ignored it. It only did what was in his nature.

I was an idiot.

“It sounds fun, JayJay. I think you should go.” Mom set the salad bowl on the counter. “You need to have a little fun. Relax. Be a teenager.”

“But it’s at Jason’s.”

“I understand, and I won’t force you.” She put her hands on the counter. “Your father and I think you need to face it. Maybe this is the opportunity. And if at any moment it’s too much, you can come home.” She rubbed my hand. “You will get through this. I know you will.”

Her last words seemed more for her than me. As a mother she wanted, needed, it to be that way.

I picked up a fork and stabbed at a dried cranberry, popping it into my mouth. “I’d rather stay home and watch a movie with you guys.” I dug my fork into the bowl searching for another.

Mom frowned. “Stop picking out all the cranberries.” She turned back to the stove, clicking the burner off. The smell of spiced chicken filled the house. “Believe me, you don’t want to stay home. It’s your sister’s choice of movies tonight.” She lifted her glass of wine with a knowing smile.

I grimaced. “Let me guess…it has a Disney princess in it.”

“I can’t wait till she gets out of this phase,” Mom said, taking a sip.

“Who out of what phase?” Dad strolled in setting down his stuff.

“Your youngest has movie choice tonight.” Mom leaned against the counter with a chuckle.

Dad collapsed over the table, groaning dramatically. I leaned over and patted my father’s arm. He lifted his head. “It’s not too late, right? We can escape. Crawl through the window,” he fake-whispered at me.

“I’m in this... you’re in this.” Mom shook her head. “Like hostages.”

Dad dropped his head again. “I need provisions. Quick!” He opened and closed his hand.

Mom grabbed the beer off the table and dropped it into his hand.

“Thank you.” He looked at Mom with adoration.

“You two are dorks.”

“It runs in our family DNA. But this,” Dad pointed at his beer, “will get me through another musical cartoon with princesses.”

“Whose idea was movie choice night?” Mom grabbed a hot pad from the drawer.

“Yours,” Dad and I said in unison.

“Oh, right.” She grabbed the pot of vegetables. “That was dumb.”

“Yes, it was.” Dad came behind her, kissing her shoulder. She smiled, looking over at him. He leaned in, kissing her again.

“Ugh,” I groaned. “Please stop. I will need more than therapy.”

“Speaking of…” Mom stepped back, bringing the pan over with her and turned to Dad. “Jayme is going to a party tonight. Getting out.”

“Mom,” I growled with annoyance. I hadn’t said I was definitely going.

“Really?” A familiar glance transpired between them. Relief, delight, and a little uncertainty. Scared if they said one thing wrong I would go back into hiding like a frightened animal. “That’s good, JayJay, you need to get out. Be a—”

“Teenager.” We finished together. It was the same spiel everyone was telling me.

“Plus, you’re the lucky one.” He came over, kissing my head. “You get to escape. Your mother and I are the ones to pity. Wait! Can I come? I’m not too old, right? They need a chaperone?”

“No, no, and definitely no.”

“Do you need a ride?”

I grinned. “Sorry, but you’ll have to keep trying to find another way out of here.”

“You going to drive?” Mom raised an eyebrow.

“No. Savannah said she’d pick me up.” Damn! I just committed myself to this.

“Daddy!” My little sister came screaming in the room like a tornado, already dressed in a princess costume with a pink swirly skirt and bright blue top with crystals all over it. She had a sparkly tiara on her head.

“Hey, trouble.” He leaned over, picking her up. She wrapped her arms and legs around him in a hug.

“It’s my movie choice tonight.” She bounced in his arms excitedly.

“Yes, I know,” Dad replied, giving me a look.

“Do you want to know what I picked?”

“Does it have princesses in it?”

My sister’s short ponytail bobbed in a yes. “And fairies!”

“Oh goodie.” His sarcasm floated over her to us.

“Lucky you,” I mouthed to my mom, getting up from the stool. “So jealous.”

She shoved the salad bowl at me with a mocking sneer. “Set the table, ungrateful child.”

“Someone’s bitter.”

“Go away.”

My lightened mood quickly dissipated as I changed clothes, the old and new me battling for dominance. I loved my family, my parents were cool, and we got along great. I appreciated how lucky I was. Still, there was a part of me I had to hide from them. The good, teasing, happy, carefree girl was acceptable. The dark, angry, troubled girl was not.

At nine thirty, Savannah finally pulled up, honking her horn.

“Bye.” I grabbed my jacket.

“Take me with you,” Dad whispered hoarsely to me as chipper music played from the TV. My sister lay on her belly on the rug, singing along. “Or send more provisions.”

“Have fun.” I winked and laughed, heading out the door. I moved toward Savannah’s Mini Cooper. Her family wasn’t extremely wealthy, like Jason’s or Colton’s, but they still spoiled her. She had an older brother, who had left home several years ago, so they treated her like an only child.

Pop music filled the tiny car, almost deafening me. “Hey,” she sang, her eyes roaming over me. “You’re wearing that?”

“Yeah, why?” I looked down at my dark skinny jeans, simple black top, and brown lace-up boots. She had on leather pants, a low-cut red top, and black heeled boots. Her hair was ironed straight, her eyes smoky.

“Oh no, it’s fine,” she chirped and put the car in drive. My knuckles went white, gripping the handle as she tore down my street.

The music kept us from having to converse, but any gap in the song she filled with her dilemmas. “Seriously, I don’t know what to do. The college guy from the party last weekend keeps calling me.”

“Tell him you have a boyfriend.”

Her forehead wrinkled. It was not the answer she was looking for. “I mean, he’s really hot and an extremely good kisser, but it’s, like, stop stalking me.”

I focused on the outlines of the houses zipping by the car.

“Jason is being kind of needy also. So who knows? I might dump them both and go find myself a real man.” She giggled naughtily. “You should have gone last weekend. The party was awesome. So many guys.”

She turned up the road to Jason’s house. My nails dug painfully into the armrest. The car curved around the windy corners.

I gasped for breath. Savannah didn’t notice my panic and sang along with the music. All I could hear was screaming. My screaming. Twisting metal. Crunching of bones. Sirens. Flashes of red and blue. Voices.

She whipped the car around the mountain at full speed.

“Stop,” I whispered, my voice not able to find itself.

She didn’t hear me.

“Please stop.”

The Mini Cooper rounded the corner, passing the turn where we had gone off the road. Strands of caution tape were still tangled in the branches. Air barely twisted through my ragged lungs.

“Uh, I hate this road,” she complained.

Part of me wanted to laugh; the other wanted to cry. She hated this road? Did she not appreciate the significance of it to me? The fact I hadn’t been here since the accident? What it must be like for me? Did she perceive anything but herself? The beast of anger rolled up my esophagus, wanting to lash out. Her shallowness never bothered me much before. I merely accepted it. This made me only see how shallow I had been.

Were we friends? Not really. We never talked or shared anything substantial. I wouldn’t trust her with my secrets, which should have told me enough.

She pulled the car up to McKee’s huge house. Music was pumping; kids milled around. It was exactly like every other Friday here. Nothing changed. Everything and everyone was the same.

Except me. I wanted nothing more than to go home.

Savannah jumped out of the car. I climbed out slowly and stood there, trembling. Her heels clicked up the path. Then she finally noticed I wasn’t beside her and looked back at me. “Come on.”

My head moved back and forth. “I need a minute.”

She frowned with confusion. “What? Why?”

“I need a moment.”

“I don’t want to walk in by myself.” She folded her arms. Irritated.

Are you kidding me? She walked into the house all the time. However, because it was a party, she didn’t want to look stupid, coming by herself. Was that all I was to her? A body to stand next to her so she didn’t look like she was alone?

I slammed the door, but instead of following her up the path, I turned the opposite way.

“Jaymerson,” she yelled. “Where are you going?”

I continued to walk.

“Fine! Nice friend you are.” Her shouts fell on deaf ears. She knew everyone there. She would find a replacement for me the instant she walked into the house.

My feet kept moving down the drive. Facing your fears was one thing but coming back here? It was too soon. The night of the accident was still too vivid. At least, the party was. My brain had trouble with the moments after we got in the car. Bits and pieces came to me in staggering detail, the time on the clock, the reflection of headlights in Colton’s terrified eyes, the weightless sensation in the air. Other moments, the bigger ones, were water through my fingers—an impression, an echoing of sound, flashes of light, the taste of copper in my mouth.

It was stupid to continue. There were no streetlamps or sidewalks, but I couldn’t stop. The spot didn’t solely call me; it impelled me. A few cars passed, heading to Jason’s. I knew I must have looked freaky. Like a ghost haunting the road, I prowled the area where I almost died. Maybe a part of me had.

Distant music from Jason’s house rolled over the hill and floated in the air. Clouds drifted across the moon, dimming the already dark lane, but nothing seemed to stop me. My eyes adjusted enough, spotting bits of Colton’s prized SUV memorialized all over the asphalt. Chunks of glass and plastic from the car’s collision sprinkled the road like ashes. Caution tape still boxed in the scene like a gravestone. A string of it went from a tree near the top all the way down the steep ravine. The car was long gone, but brush and small trees bent or torn from their roots showed the SUV’s path where it flipped and rolled, until we slammed into a huge oak tree.

My arms tucked in around me, protecting me from the panic and sadness jumping around inside. Tears still did not come.

Colton.

I gasped for breath, not realizing I had stopped. But the more air I tugged in the more I seemed to need. I clutched at my chest, bending over. The sound of crickets and faraway music fused, sounding sharp then drowning under the sound of my heart thumping in my ears.

“Colton!” A guttural scream tore from my throat, raw with agony. I couldn’t stop saying his name, hoping my pain would be powerful enough to bring him back.

A surge of hip-hop music came down the road from the house like nothing had happened.

Suddenly my sadness shifted, crawled up my back and around my throat, and coated my chest with burning rage. All I’d been hearing about was what a terrible accident it had been. What a loss to our community. No one talked about the fact he had been drinking. They didn’t want to think their prince was flawed, that he would do something so foolish. The thought of losing the state champion captain to drunk driving was not possible.

Carrie and Dan said they weren’t aware he had been drinking. That they made sure all the kids stayed at their place if they did. What a lie. Fury at them, at the party going on behind me, the kids still drinking and driving because they thought it could never happen to them. And Carrie and Dan continued to let them.

“You stupid idiots!” I bellowed into the cool night air. “You’re supposed to be the adults. The responsible ones.” Bitter fury scalded my lips. I flung my arms around, anger building in my muscles. “And why did I let you? Why didn’t I speak up and say no?” I picked up a rock and threw it at the yellow tape. “Because I didn’t want you upset. To start another fight. I hate I wasn’t strong enough not to be afraid to piss you off.”

Wrath at my weakness, at Carrie and Dan, at Hunter, and Colton’s stupid decision rocked through me. “If I did, would you have left me? If I continued to not have sex, would you have dumped me again?” I didn’t even know what I was saying anymore. Rage tore thoughts from my head and spewed them at the dark hole at the bottom of the basin.

Somewhere in my mind I was aware of the light flooding the right side of my face, but it was part of another dream, another realm my body was in. I continued to scream at Colton, my voice going raw.

“Jaymerson?” The shadowy outline of a body leaped from a car. I ignored the person, too lost in my fury.

Air fought to get into my lungs. They were riddled with pain. And anger. Anger at him for leaving me. Making me see the world harshly. To see and feel nothing but darkness. For missing him so much. For dying.

And because I lived.

I bent over, scooping a handful of gravel and bits of his car. “Fuck you, Colton! You stupid, thoughtless moron!” I bellowed, chucking it down the ravine, warm tears trickled down my cheeks. “Why couldn’t you have lived?”

“Jaymerson. Stop.”

I grabbed at more pieces of his car’s broken headlights, hurling them down with the other ones.

“You told me to relax. I was being too uptight. I’m fine. I had, like, two. Well, who was right, huh? Are you fine now? No. You are dead.” I gasped for air. “You left me.” My throat shredded with my rage. “I hate you.” I knew I didn’t, but I was so angry, so hurt. Blaming him seemed to be the only way air would get back into my lungs, allowing me to breathe.

“Jaymerson, stop.” A hand grabbed my arm, finally snapping my attention to the person next to me.

I looked up into Colton’s face. It was as if my anger and pain brought him back from the dead. I wanted to believe it could happen. He could come back to me. I needed to allow myself the fantasy, even for a moment.

But I couldn’t.

And the harsh truth, crumbled me. I fell against Hunter’s chest, leaning against him like I had no bones left in my body. It went against everything I felt about Colton’s brother, but right then I didn’t care.

He stiffened, but when I didn’t move away he put his arms around me, holding me securely to his chest.

“Why did he have to die?” I whispered against his shirt. He was warm and solid.

“I don’t know.”

“I let him. I didn’t stop him.” I sniffed into his t-shirt. “Why didn’t I stop him? He could be alive right now.”

“I think that every day.”

“He left me.”

“He left me too.”

“I feel so alone.”

“You’re not alone,” he said softly I almost didn’t hear him.

I crushed my lids together briefly, allowing another moment of feeling like I wasn’t drowning, before I pushed him away. Hunter’s arms dropped, we both stood there. My tears left a trail across his T-shirt.

The outside world came hurtling back to me, causing me to be extremely aware we were not alone. I glanced over Hunter’s shoulder. His friend Doug was in the driver’s seat, watching us. No need to ask how they found me. Doug must have been taking him home.

Chagrin warmed my cheeks; he had witnessed my breakdown. For some reason, Hunter seeing me didn’t bother me, but Doug did.

“Uh. Thank you,” I mumbled, wiping my eyes. My feet took a few steps backward. The last thing I wanted to do was go back to Jason’s, but I wanted to get away. From Hunter. From Doug.

From myself.

“I better get back.”

Hunter’s lips turned down, looking over the hill to where the McKee’s residence was. A hard-thumping base danced in the air. “Do you want a ride home?”

My first reaction was to say no, to get far away from him. But the idea of spending the rest of the evening following Savannah around, pretending to have fun, sounded like absolute torture. To have Carrie squeeze my hand while Dan gave me some cheesy platitude. Tonight I would scream at them, letting them know how I felt. It was partly their fault, and they were allowing it to happen again. Even Colton’s death didn’t stop them from wanting to be cool instead of responsible parents.

I shoved my hands into my coat pocket, staring over at the Pontiac. “Actually. Yes.”

Hunter nodded and turned toward the car. His limp was severe without his crutches. I trailed after him, reaching the car in time to hear Hunter mutter something to Doug.

“Yeah, sure, man.” Doug nodded, giving me a smile.

“Thank you. I appreciate this.” My fierce energy was now filled with awkward embarrassment. Hunter tilted the front seat forward to let me to crawl in. I dived in the back, settling into the corner.

“No worries.” Doug glanced in the rearview mirror at me. “It’s Jaymerson, right?”

“Yeah,” I responded.

“So you are—”

“Dougie?” Hunter cut him off, shaking his head, warning him to shut up. Doug smiled, closing his mouth. He cranked the wheel, pulling us back on the road. Hunter turned up the music. Pink Floyd erupted from the speakers, almost making me snort. It seemed to fit Dougie perfectly. I knew every song. It was one of my parents’ favorite bands.

At the first driveway, he turned the car around and drove back down the hill, away from the McKee’s. I curved my body farther into the corner of the car, wanting to disappear. The night encased me as I stared out the window, lost in thought. Hunter’s presence was strangely calming. He sat leaning back in the front seat and didn’t ask me what I was doing on the dark strip of road. He seemed to understand.

Doug hummed to the tunes, happy and content. A few times I caught myself smiling at his childlike contentment.

I texted Savannah I got a ride home. I wanted to put I’m sorry after, but for once I was sick of being sorry. She would never apologize for doing something like this to me, so why was I always tiptoeing around her?

Hunter knew the way to my house—he’d been in the car enough times when Colton came for me. Doug guided the car up to the front of my house. Hunter got out, bouncing on his stronger leg.

“Be careful not to stress the ligaments in your leg. You don’t want to damage your muscle tissue.” I slipped from the backseat, pointing at the leg taking most of his weight.

He grunted in response but gripped the door to ease off his favored leg.

“Thank you, Doug.” I leaned over to look in the car.

“Anytime, pretty one.” He winked at me. It wasn’t creepy, just his charm.

I straightened and did not let my gaze land on Hunter. “Thanks,” I grumbled. “Bye.”

“Bye,” he responded as curtly.

I moved around him, and he got in the car and slammed the door. Walking up the path, I gave them a last glance. Doug smiled as he pulled the car away. Hunter didn’t look at me at all.

We would probably never like each other. There was much resentment and animosity even before the accident. But our shared loss connected us. I hated he was the only one who understood me.

No matter what I felt, I would be forever linked to Hunter Harris. And I wanted nothing more than to unlink us.

Chapter Fourteen

Steam from the casserole my mom made wafted in my face as I set it on the table. Dishes, cold and hot, covered the long surface running down the school’s auditorium.

It should be illegal to have to be at school on a Sunday evening. In only a little more than twelve hours we would be back, blurry eyed and wishing for Friday again.

“Jaymerson, that goes down with the entrees.” Mom pointed at the area where she wanted me to move it. Since I had fallen short on my duties to organize the potluck, Mom made sure I was on the list for setup and break down.

An auction was to be held after the dinner, where the wealthy people in town offered prizes for other wealthies to bid on. Why didn’t they hand the money straight over to Mr. and Mrs. Harris and call it a day? I took in a deep breath. They mean well. They mean well. They did, but I still felt this was being forced on me.

“Jayme, Nancy arrived with the cupcakes. Be sure the dessert table is ready,” Mom called over her shoulder. As she walked through the open doors I could see Nancy’s white blazer at the curb.

I was kept from heavy lifting or walking a lot due to doctor’s orders. Physical work would help me not to think, but I was more the mascot: fluffing napkins, rearranging dishes, stacking cups, standing at the table, looking pretty in my dress, showing how strong and amazing I was through this awful time. I felt anything but strong or amazing. I tucked these thoughts away, plastering a smile on my face.

Savannah huffed, sighed, and looked anywhere but at me. She was doing her best to act as if she were mad for leaving her Friday night. It was all for show and wouldn’t last long. She could hold a serious grudge, but I could tell she wasn’t really angry. The moment she walked into the party she was probably surrounded by dozens of her “best” friends and barely noticed my absence. The more she observed I wasn’t responding with apologies or asking for forgiveness, her demeanor shifted toward me and she started to smile at me. Her ruffled feathers were falling back in place.

I went over to the dessert table, fanning the napkins. Again. When two people entered the cafeteria, people all around moved toward them. My head jerked up to see what was going on.

Mitch and Julia Harris walked through the door. He was in his mid-fifties; she was in her forties. Both impeccably dressed as always. Julia had the same dark hair and unnerving blue eyes her sons had. She was tall, lean, and elegant. Julia’s congenial demeanor always came off a bit fake, like she was playing a part. Mitch was mostly grey haired, which he kept short. He was tall like his boys and had hazel eyes.

Colton and I dated for almost a year, and I saw his parents maybe a dozen times, mostly at games. They were barely ever home. Mr. Harris was usually gone, flying to New York or Chicago for business. He was merging his construction company with another and expanding into building high-rises. Julia went with him, leaving the boys in the empty house alone. Colton used to joke that Tulia, their maid, was more like their mom than Julia ever was.

His dad owned several construction companies and his mother, Julia, came from old money. Her family was connected to firearms, going back to when we were fighting for our freedom from the British. They lived in this small town because Mr. Harris’s ancestors had founded most of this town and because of the football team. I also thought Mitch enjoyed being the extremely large fish in a small pond.

Seeing them was another poke at my heart. No matter what I thought about them, they’d lost a son. I could not begin to fathom their pain.

They greeted everyone graciously, smiling softly as people tried to convey their sorrows. Julia took everyone’s hands, squeezing or touching their arms, consoling them.

An image of Colton and I popped into my mind. If the accident never took him from me, I realized this could have eventually been us. My entire personality before the crash was like Julia. Had he picked me because I reminded him of his mother? Passive and easy to mold? My fingers gripped the table. What if following in his father’s footsteps meant taking a wife who would shadow his mother’s?

Oh, holy shit.

I was the perfect candidate. A complete people pleaser who didn’t want to upset anyone, always working my world to fit around his. My lungs clenched, my heartbeat pounded in my throat, hinting at another panic attack. The truth was suddenly so clear, so real, it spun my head. I would have been her. I would have let myself become her and not even given it any thought.

When would I have looked at my life and realized it wasn’t mine? Julia may want and like this life, but I didn’t. Was I always this passive? When did I stop thinking about what I wanted and instead did what made others happy?

“Jaymerson?” Mom hissed, waving me over to where the Harris’s were. Her look told me, You are being rude. Get over here now.

I limped over, my new epiphany rolling around my intestines, making me sick.

“Are you okay?” Mom clasped my arms with her hands. “You seem cold and you look pale.”

“I’m fine.”

“Jaymerson.” Julia’s smooth voice sailed over to me, along with the woman herself.

“Mrs. Harris.”

“Please, I think we are passed formality.” She took my hand. “Call me Julia.”

“Julia.” It sat wrong on my tongue and knew I’d probably never call her it again. I had known her for a long time, and she had never asked me to call her by her first name. They were decent enough to me in front of people, but in a reserved, critical way. I got the impression they didn’t think I was ever good enough for their perfect boy.

“It is good to see you.” The same compassionate smile pulled at her mouth. “Colton would be happy you are a part of this.”

No, he wouldn’t. He would think this was the biggest joke. He’d be bored out of his mind at all this. But if it had been me instead of Colton, he would have stood here, nodding and smiling.

Hunter, on the other hand, would probably tell everyone here to fuck off. He already was; by not showing up. At this moment I wanted to do the same, but instead I hugged Mrs. Harris and conveyed the genuine sadness I felt to her and her husband.

Like Julia, I went on with the evening playing a role, while on the inside I was screaming.

The lights dimmed, and a screen lowered behind one of the football mothers who volunteered to lead the auction. Images of Colton popped up in back of her: playing football; as a child holding a football, looking so happy; he and Hunter as adorable, dimpled babies laughing in their baby pool; the two of us at the state championship, kissing. One by one more pictures rolled over the screen, candid moments of different times of his life.

“Let’s start the bidding at five-hundred dollars.” She was trying to create sympathy to boost the amount of money people would donate by using Colton’s images. Marketing at its best. All for a piece of metal with his name on it. They weren’t even using his name for a football scholarship or something useful. Just a hunk of rock to pat themselves on the back, thinking they are such giving people.

I bolted from my seat, ignoring my mom’s whispered, “Where are you going?” My dad held Reece on his lap and couldn’t stop me from slipping by.

The cool air hit my lungs, dimpling my flesh. This was the most alive I’d felt the whole evening. I walked around the building wanting to get distance from the people inside. It didn’t surprise me when I realized I was heading for the football field. They could have their dedicated spot under the tree; I was going to the place where Colton would have wanted to be.

The parking lot lamps provided enough light to see where I was going, but enough darkness to stay out of sight. I rubbed at my arms, my sweater back in the auditorium. Lost in thought, I made my way to the middle of the field.

“Had enough?” A deep voice drew my head up.

“Holy crap!” I yelped, my hand clutching the base of my throat as I jumped. The shape of a man lying on the ground at center field stretched out in front of me.

“Had to speak up before you actually stepped on me,” Hunter’s voice rumbled.

“You scared me.” I dropped my hand, moving slowly to him. “What are you doing?”

“What does it look like?”

Yeah. Fair enough. It was exactly what I was going to do. It’s where Colton would want to be. I hesitated for a moment. My conditioned response was to move away from Hunter, but I was starting to despise these knee-jerk reactions.

In my skater-style dress, I inelegantly plopped myself down next to Hunter, then laid back. The grass was damp, the night air chilly, but I relaxed into the earth, staring at the stars.

“Did you go in?” I asked.

“No,” he responded. “I’m surprised I even made it here.”

I tilted my head to peer at him. “Why did you? You don’t seem like the kind who would come to something like this, even if your parents asked.”

“They didn’t ask. They demanded. But you’re right. I told them no way in hell, but somehow I still found myself here anyway.”

“Here, I appreciate.” I tapped at the dirt. “In there? None of it’s for Colton. I had to get out before I imploded.”

“Now that’d be something I’d love to see.”

“What?”

“You. Actually losing it. Telling those pompous asses what you really think of them.”

I stared back up at the sky.

“You don’t have to keep pretending.” He stuffed his arms under his head.

“Pretending what?”

“That you’re all right.”

Our conversation on the bleachers Friday came back to me. “No one wants to know the truth. Teachers, friends, my parents. I’m not even sure I do.”

He made a noise in his throat.

“They are trying to be understanding, but I can tell they want me to be magically better. To get past this. I know they don’t mean to, but it makes things worse. Like something’s wrong with me because I’m not healing fast enough.”

We both stayed quiet, taking in the starry peace above.

“I haven’t been to his grave yet,” I blurted out. Until this moment I hadn’t realized the shame and guilt I bore for not going. “I feel awful I don’t have the strength to go. Not yet.”

He was quiet, and I thought he wasn’t going to say anything, but he finally replied.

“I’ve tried several times, but I haven’t quite made it there either,” he admitted quietly. “But it’s only his body. This is where Colton would rather be.”

“True.” I felt relieved at his confession. I wasn’t alone in my resistance. I rubbed at my bare arms, the clear night holding no heat of the day.

“Cold?”

“A little.” I sighed. “I’m not ready to go back there. Think they’d notice if I never came back?”

“Probably.”

“Yeah.” I had no desire to return. “You know who I wish was here? Stevie. She’d have no fear telling these people where they can do with their memorial.”

Hunter chuckled. “I have no doubt.”

“I swear she’s one of the few people getting me through this. I adore that girl.”

“And she adores girls,” he snickered.

“Oh, are you jealous?” I knocked my hand into his chest, then quickly brought it back.

“No, I know she still ranks my ass above yours.”

Laughter shot out of me. It was true. Stevie had listed Hunter’s third. “Maybe, but Suzie’s and Justin’s still rank above yours.”

“Gives me a goal in life.”

I snickered, the smile on my face seeming foreign, especially around Hunter. I let my eyes drop so I could look at him without being obvious.

Hunter was hot, no doubt about it. Because of his personality and demeanor, I never truly looked at him as anything other than Colton’s pain-in-the-ass brother. Intimidating, scary, and trouble. Qualities people tell you to stay away from, and I did because anything outside of my known circle frightened me. The balloon had popped, and now I was seeing everything through new eyes. Including Hunter.

He turned his head, catching me staring at him. I jerked my head forward, analyzing the night sky, feeling a strange sensation pattering around inside. Heat climbed up my neck to my cheeks. Why was I blushing? His gaze burned the side of my face, but I pretended not to notice.

“Jayme—” Anything he was going to say was cut off by my father hollering my name from outside the auditorium.

I sat with a start, looking over my shoulder. My dad walked in our direction.

“Shit.” I got up, with a sharp ache, my tendons struggling to adjust to my speed. “I gotta go.”

“Yeah.” Hunter didn’t sound like he was surprised at all. “Go do your duties.”

“Shut up. At least I’m being supportive.”

He snorted. “How’s it working for you?”

Not very well.

“Say hi to my parents for me. Give them my condolences.”

I crossed my arms, my lids narrowing. “You really are an asshole.”

“So people tell me.”

“Maybe this should convey something to you.”

“Oh, it does.” The way he said it made me think it wasn’t against himself, but what idiots people are.

Dad got to the edge of the field, and I hobbled angrily away from Hunter, reaching my father.

“Who’s that?” Dad’s chin flicked to the figure.

“No one.” I pushed past him, heading back for the auditorium.

“That’s Hunter, huh?” Dad kept staring at the figure on the field but walked with me. A frown turned down my father’s lips and tugged at his brows. The town was small, and he knew Hunter’s reputation.

“It’s cold out here.” I rubbed my arms and hurried my stiff steps. I wanted my father far away from the topic of Hunter.

Hunter could inflict wrath in me quicker than anyone. It was because he went straight for artery, spilling out the truth. Truths I was starting to see, but not ready to face.

I wanted to hate him for it. However, the more anger he invoked, the less I seemed to hate him.

Chapter Fifteen

Savannah and I were on speaking terms Monday. It surprised me how little I cared either way.

Grabbing books for my first two periods, I spotted Hunter walking through the doors from the corner of my eye, finally making it past the bleachers. Nowadays, I was acutely aware of his presence. Our encounter Friday and then last night replayed in my mind persistently.

Adam stepped into Hunter’s space, drawing my attention. What is he doing talking to Hunter? They hate each other. A strange protectiveness stirred in me. Instinct flexed, signaling trouble. Adam’s back was to me, but his body language was aggressive and taut.

Hunter shook his head and turned away.

“Hey!” Adam’s voice sailed down the corridor, spinning everyone’s heads. “Did you hear me?”

Hunter’s jaw twitched, but he didn’t respond. He stuffed his crutches under his arms. They hit the smooth surface in clipped movements.

“Dude, what’s your problem? I’m trying to say sorry about Colton.” Adam held out his arms, following Hunter. “He was my best friend since we were kids. My teammate,” Adam said.

Hunter kept going, his neck muscles straining with tension.

“What is wrong with you?” Adam stepped around Hunter, blocking him. “Colton always stepped up for you, man. Always had your back. Unlike you.” He shook his head, glancing away. “Fucking loser.”

It was scarcely a breath, a split second of palpable pressure before Hunter’s crutch dropped to the ground, the aluminum ringing off the tile. Hunter grabbed Adam’s collar, slamming him back into a locker. A collective gasp spread down the hall.

My body jerked forward, and my book bag dropped from my arm as I rushed to the guys, disregarding the twinge in my legs.

“What the fuck, man?” Adam glared but didn’t fight back. Hunter was at least six inches taller.

“Don’t talk to me, especially about my brother,” Hunter seethed and pushed his forearm into Adam’s neck.

“Hunter.” I grabbed his arm. “Stop.”

He kept his gaze locked on Adam, not lifting his arm away.

“Hunter?” I tried again, one hand staying on his wrist the other traveling to his back. “Hey.” The moment my fingers slid over his spine, his eyes darted to me, full of ire. “Come on.” I tugged his arm away from Adam. The veins popped along his arms, but he let me draw it back.

Eyes watched us, the feel of their curiosity itching my skin. It seemed like they were all holding their breaths, waiting for what was next.

Hunter pushed his shoulders back, his hand dropped from Adam, and his nostrils flared as he breathed in and out. He bent down, swiping up his crutch. He moved away, heading for the exit.

“Freak,” Adam spat at Hunter’s receding form. “Don’t think everyone doesn’t wish it was you in the grave instead of Colton.”

Reflex drove through me, responding to the rush of anger. My hands slammed into Adam’s chest. Unprepared for my force, Adam flew back, and lockers rattled as his body collided into them. He looked around in disbelief, his mouth agape. “What the hell, Jayme?”

“You call yourself Colton’s best friend? You think he’d like you talking about his brother like that?” I leaned in closer, seething.

“Oh, please, like you haven’t thought the same thing.” His surprise was wearing off, and his expression twisting into spiteful disgust. “Or you did…once.” Adam’s eyes flicked toward the exit and back to me. “Switching brothers, Jaymerson?”

“You are revolting.”

“We all see what’s happening, and you call me the revolting one.”

Another wave of abhorrence commanded my muscles. My fist struck his face. Pain exploded in my hand as my knuckles knocked against his cheek.

“What the fuck, bitch!” Adam grabbed his face. I hadn’t hit hard enough to do much of anything but startle him. I probably did more harm to myself than him, which pissed me off. My hand hurt, but my adrenaline was pumping too high for me to take real notice. It felt good. My skin prickled with life, my heart pumping wildly in my chest.

“Jaymerson!” Hunter’s deep voice called out but was mostly lost behind my rage. All the anger I’d stuffed down, released. Adam shoved me, and I came barreling back for him like a bop bag.

“Jaymerson!” This time the voice did not belong to Hunter. It was a woman’s. “Stop right this instant.” The principal, Victoria Matlin, marched up, deep creases lined her forehead. Strands of grey peeked through her nicely quaffed shoulder-length hair. She was taller than me, and the shadow of her form reflected down over me.

“Jaymerson, I said stop,” she demanded.

I dropped my hands, backing away from Adam.

“Now, can you tell me what is going on?” Ms. Matlin placed her hands on her hips.

“She started it.” Adam pointed at me. “This crazy bitch attacked me out of nowhere.”

“Wha—?”

“Adam, I do not want to hear that language,” Principal Matlin cut me off.

“But it’s true. She went crazy.” He sounded like a ten-year-old kid tattling on his sibling.

“Jaymerson?” She turned to me.

Adam and I glared at each other. I knew he wouldn’t get in trouble. The football boys never did. And the whole school would just back up his theory.

“She did,” a girl hollered out. “I saw the whole thing.”

And it began.

“Yep.” I nodded, my gaze still locked on Adam. “I attacked him.”

Principal Matlin’s lids narrowed trying to decipher if what I admitted was true. The bell for the next class rang. She cleared her throat, deciding on her next move. “Adam, I want you to go to class. I will talk with you later.”

A smug smile hinted his mouth. “Sure thing.”

“All of you need to get to class. Now! Before I start handing out detentions.” She hollered at the onlookers. They immediately jumped, grabbed their stuff, and headed in the location of their rooms.

“Jaymerson, I want you to come with me.” She motioned for me to follow. I nodded, complying, and seized my abandoned backpack on the way.

Her heels clicked down the hall. I trotted behind her, glancing over my shoulder at the exit where Hunter had stood. It was empty. I couldn’t fight my disappointment and annoyance. Here I was sticking up for him, and he didn’t even stay around. What had I expected? And why did I stand by him? What made me lose it like that?

“Have a seat.” Ms. Matlin motioned to the chair across from her desk. She strolled around, settling herself in her seat.

I sat down. I should have been scared or nervous. I never had been called into the principal’s office, not like this. Previously it had been because of an award or special honors.

“I don’t know what to do here. This is so unlike you.”

I was getting tired of that phrase “so unlike you.”

“Jaymerson.” She sighed heavily. “I can’t imagine what you’ve been going through.” She shook her head; compassion coated her face and words. “I know you need some time to adjust, but this isn’t the first complaint I’ve received about your attitude lately.”

My head jerked up.

“Most of your teachers have stated your demeanor in class has changed drastically. Your manner is combative, quick to temper, and insolent. You stare out the window and don’t participate in class anymore. You don’t turn in your homework, you walk out of class, talk back, and are disruptive.”

It was all true.

She sat forward, clasping her hands. “Again, I recognize you have been through a horrific, tragic incident. However, this is not how to deal with it.”

I lifted my chin in defiance.

“And now attacking a student? Isn’t Adam one of your friends?” Friend? At one time I would have said yes. But he never was. He was Colton’s friend. “Can you tell me what happened?”

I pinned my lips together. No way I would snitch or tell her a simple insult had me flip out so badly.

She exhaled with frustration. “Jaymerson, I am really worried about you.” Empathy sat in her eyes. “I don’t want to punish you. You are a good student, and I’m aware you’ve been through a lot. However, I also can’t ignore this and hope it will go away.” She sucked in air between her teeth. “I’m afraid I’m going to have to notify your parents.”

“You’re going to tell my parents?” I scooted to the lip of my chair. “Seriously?” This was another first for me.

“I’m sorry.” She slanted her head. “I don’t see any other way. You are going through a lot of pain right now. Everyone deals with it in their own way, but I have to step in when it is affecting other students and teachers. And most of all you’re hurting what you worked so hard for.” She sighed. “You are failing, Jaymerson. You are one of the brightest students we have here. I can’t sit back and let you not graduate or lose your scholarship because you are not acting like yourself.”

She meant well, I understood that, but I was still annoyed. I was tired of people telling me how they thought I should act and be.

“I will be contacting them today.” She looked over at her desk phone. “I hope you see I have your best interests in mind.”

“Yeah. Thank you.” I stood, swiping up my backpack. “Is that all, Principal Matlin?”

She bowed her head. “For now.”

I gave her a curt nod and hurried out the door. I did understand her reasons, but I couldn’t fight the boiling rage seeping in.

My feet led me down the hall and through the doors. I sucked greedily at the crisp early December air. I let my head fall back and closed my lids for a moment. Clouds blocked the sun’s rays from warming me, and I wrapped my arms around my body. It was only a moment before my skin prickled, the sensation of someone watching me.

I opened my eyes, gazing around. Hunter leaned against the hood of a car, his arms crossed, his face like stone, but his blue eyes flashed with heated anger. Like a magnet I moved down the steps to him. My defenses rose with each step. I stopped in front of him, my silence challenging his.

He scoffed, waggling his head, looking off in the distance. “What were you thinking?”

“What?”

“I said…” He zeroed in on me, his attention razor sharp. “What. Were. You. Thinking?”

I took a step. “I was sticking up for you.”

“Well, don’t.” He leaned toward me. We were only a few feet apart. I could sense his annoyance. “I can take care of myself fine.”

Hurt, embarrassment, frustration, and rage bristled under my skin. I felt like I should have been in a cartoon, where steam actually came out of your ears. “It’s what I thought friends did for each other,” I said deep and evenly. “I was wrong. I won’t make that mistake again.”

He inhaled air through his nose, bringing his face even closer to mine, our anger crashing into each other. He rolled his jaw, his eyes dropping for an instant to my mouth.

Kiss me. Kiss me now. I jerked back as the thought bounded around my head, tapping at my muscles to act on. What the hell, Jaymerson? Ewww. A surge of shame rippled over my soul. How could I even think it? It was disgusting. It was because I missed Colton. That had to be the reason.

He sucked in his breath, looking away. He leaned back against the car. “We can’t be friends.”

“Why not?” What was happening to me lately? I had no filter anymore.

“Your world, your friends, don’t mix with mine.” He kept his focus on the school building. “And you definitely shouldn’t speak up for me.”

“Is this Hunter logic?”

“No, it’s high school.” He folded his arms. “It’s better if you stay away from me.”

The sounds of the PE classes out on the field drifted over to us. We were probably being watched right now.

“We weren’t friends before. Why should we be any different now?”

“Are you serious?” I exclaimed. “You don’t think what we’ve been through kind of changes things?”

“Does it?” He twisted his head back to me. “Would you be seen with my group at lunch? Walk in the halls next to me? Hang out on weekends?” He shook his head. “Only in movies would our worlds be able to mix. Stick to your own kind, Jaymerson. You will be a lot happier in the end.” He pushed himself off the car and grabbed his crutches.

“Excuse me?” I responded. “Stay with my kind? Now who’s sounding like the snob? And how do you know what will make me happier?”

He moved around me, heading for a black car in the parking lot. It was then I noticed someone was in it. His friend Jones sat in the driver’s seat, smoke swirling out the window. I was pretty sure it was not a cigarette.

“I don’t. That’s the point.” He moved for the black Honda Civic. The paint had a matte finish, rendering the car tougher looking than a sedan usually was. Stickers of skulls, pit bulls, and other emblems decorated the sides and back window. “Bye, Jaymerson.”

I popped with fury, trailing after him. “Of all people, I didn’t think you would be telling me what to do or who I should be.”

He grabbed the car door, swinging it open. He threw his crutches hastily in the back, looking to get away from me. It was like a bucket of ice water. I stopped in my tracks.

“Screw you, Hunter.”

He shuffled himself into the low-riding car, a strange look floating over his expression as he shut the door. The car roared to life, loud music pounding the air.

“You are right about one thing,” I bellowed over the noise. “We aren’t friends. We aren’t anything.” I whirled around, my limp carrying me away at a disappointingly slow speed.

The Honda burned from the parking lot, its blaring tunes screeching along with the car. It was like someone punched a hole in my chest and filled it in with more anger. I wanted to say Hunter’s theory was wrong. I would totally be seen with him and his friends. But would I really? How long before the ridicule of everyone dominated me, forced me to turn my back and get in line? We liked to pretend it could be different. And movies loved to show opposites attract and the popular kid could fall in love with the nerd. It was bullshit. It didn’t happen in the real world. The power of our peers in high school ruled. Humans by nature wanted to belong, to be accepted. I used to be no different. Was I now? The thought of going back to that group, being a follower again, scraped against every nerve I had.

I glanced at the front of the school. I pulled out my phone and dialed.

“Hey, Whiskey, what’s up?” Stevie’s voice sang out after the third ring.

“I need to escape. Now. Can you come get me?”

“You’re in luck. I need a reason to get out of this house.” I could hear Stevie’s mom talking behind her. “Mom, I’m on the phone. The woman doesn’t stop talking. She is driving me batty.” Stevie sighed. I could hear her eyes roll from here. “I’ll be right there.”

Chapter Sixteen

My parents were understandably upset after Principal Matlin’s call, but instead of yelling or grounding me, they were quiet, simmering in their dismay. Their calm, firm voices were more painful than any shouting.

“After our chat with Ms. Matlin, we are going to talk to your therapist. Clearly, she is not helping you.” Dad rubbed his chin.

“Clearly. Because I should be fixed by now. All healed and happy.” I lifted the bag of ice to look at my swollen, scraped knuckles. I had to force back a grin. My parents would not appreciate my satisfaction over hitting Adam. Behind his contagious smile he was kind of a pompous jerk.

“That’s not what your father meant.” Mom sat down in the chair across the dining table from me. “We realize you are in a lot of grief. It’s going to take a while to heal, but Jayme…a fight at school? Disrespecting your teachers? Walking out of class?”

I kept my gaze down. I was not sorry for any of it. And I wouldn’t be repentant, which was new for me. Though, I still felt bad for making them upset.

My father gripped the back of Mom’s chair, inhaling through his nose. “We don’t know what to do here, JayJay. We know you’re suffering but acting out like this is not acceptable.”

A heaviness, like a weight fastened to my soul, tugged me further into the chair. They might as well have said I was not acceptable. The way I was dealing with Colton’s death wasn’t up to par.

“It might be our fault.” Mom put her hand to her chest, patting it in emphasis. “You’ve been on your own too much. We let you have too much freedom to dwell on things and weren’t firmer in getting you out with your friends. Activities.”

“What?” My head jerked up.

“Starting tomorrow, you will be going back to cheerleading practice. Justin told me you need to pay attention to your body, but you can slowly start getting back into it.” Dad stood firm. “We’ve called Nancy and let her know you will be back tomorrow.”

“You called Nancy?” I gaped. “Without talking to me first?”

“No. Sorry, but we are going to use the parent card,” Dad responded. I squeezed my eyes closed, holding back my reaction. “After cheerleading practice, you will come straight home and all homework is to be done out here. We want to make sure it is completed. This is not the time to mess up your grades.”

I clamped my teeth, grinding them together.

The sound of little feet thumped behind me. Reece came around my chair, grabbing my knee. Her head bobbed between our parents and me and her face twisted. “Is JayJay in trouble?”

“No, sweetie.” Mom shook her head. “Not with us.”

I wanted to laugh, but instead I tossed the bag of ice to the side and grabbed Reece’s hands, pulling her attention to me. “You want to play Candyland till dinner?”

Her eyes widened, nodding.

“Go get it ready.” I dipped my head to the media console in the living room where we stored the games.

“I get to be red.” She ran for the cabinet as I stood up.

“Jayme?” Mom said my name.

I glanced over my shoulder. “I’ll bring my homework here after dinner.” I walked away, heading for my sister who sweetly dumped decorated cards and bright gingerbread men on the floor.

The next day Savannah didn’t meet me at my locker or acknowledge me when she walked by. It was obvious I hadn’t been fitting in since I returned, but yesterday when I picked Hunter over Adam, it finally pushed me over. No matter that Adam was a dick, it was the axe to my group standing.

When lunch break came, my innards were so wound in knots I couldn’t even think about food. I stepped into the cafeteria, my gaze darting over to my usual table through my lashes. For show I grabbed a sandwich and a drink and turned around, staring at the bustling room. I wanted to leave, to run outside and keep going, but I had nowhere to go. Hunter had made it clear he was not my friend.

Maybe if I apologize to Adam and brush it off? Make it a joke. The idea tipped my feet forward, but instantly flopped, splatting sourly in my gut. No. I couldn’t be untrue to my feelings. But what else can I do? I inhaled, rolling my shoulders back. Savannah looked up, seeing me. My raw, red knuckles clenched around the bottle of water in my hand, crinkling the plastic. She leaned over and whispered into Chloe’s ear. Both their glares landed back on me. Adam and Jason stopped eating, watching me with bitter regard. The four of them seemed to govern the entire room’s focus.

Gazes from everywhere sizzled my back, sending flames to my face. I was being cooked on an open fire pit, while the group in front of me chilled my heart. What am I doing? My shoes clipped the floor, inching toward them.

“I can’t believe after yesterday she’d even think about sitting here,” Chloe’s voice purposely leaked over to me. Her curly black bobbed hair brushed her shoulders as she shook it.

“She better not.” Savannah’s lip hitched, her eyes full of hate.

“Keep walking, bitch,” Adam snarled at me. When I saw the light bruise on his cheekbone, my right hand tingled, like it was proudly boasting, I did that.

I kept my head high as I walked by them, moving toward the back. I pushed through the door, giving them a brief look back. The entire table watched me, scowling. Then Adam turned his back on me, and Savannah followed suit.

I had definitely exiled myself from the kingdom of popularity and friends. I was completely on my own. Eliminated from their world. A displaced vagabond who would be openly targeted.

The arrow came swiftly.

Having Hunter in fifth period was far too tempting for my ex-friends and their followers. A guy I didn’t know well, but who had been on the football team with Colton, sniggered the moment Hunter walked into the room. I had gotten to class early, after spending lunch in the library, turning off my phone, avoiding people and social media.

I couldn’t ignore the way Hunter took up space in the room. His dark jeans were relaxed, but his navy-blue T-shirt fit nicely across his chest. His hair was slightly untidy, but it worked on him. Made him more rugged.

I turned my attention to my notebook. My pen pressed firmly, indenting the paper with loopy designs. Out the corner of my eye I saw him move deeper into the room, heading for his seat in the back, a row over and two behind mine.

“So…you need a girl to protect you, Harris? Maybe next time you can hide behind your mommy’s skirt.”

Hunter didn’t respond. He dropped his bag heavily on top of his desk.

“Your brother’s girl, huh?” He twisted his tone, making it sound lewd.

“Shut up, Lewis,” Hunter growled. Without looking at him, I could still sense Hunter’s anger building.

“Oh, someone’s a bit touchy. Need Jaymerson to come beat me up for you?” Lewis taunted. The teacher and some of the class had yet to arrive, but every moment another trickled in, shooting their gazes at the circus ring. “What about you, Holloway? You can’t seem to stay away from the Harris boys. Bounce from one dick to the other?”

I whirled in my seat, angry words about to shoot from my mouth. But my tongue halted when Hunter’s desk barreled across the tile floor, squealing at a deafening pitch. Hunter’s shoulders and neck twitched with energy. He moved amazingly fast to Lewis and slammed his hands on his desk. Lewis was a linebacker, not a small guy, but Hunter’s broad shoulders dwarfed him as Hunter leaned over.

“I told you: Shut. Up.” Hunter’s voice was low but frighteningly menacing. “You flap your mouth again about her or my brother and you will deal with me. Then we will see how fast you hide behind your mommy.” Hunter grabbed his stuff and walked to the door before Lewis could respond, running into Mrs. Ambose. He pushed past her and disappeared around the corner.

“Hunter, where are you going?” Mrs. Ambose called after him. “Hunter!” Her cries fell on deaf ears.

The bell rang for class to start, but Hunter was lost in the swarm of tardy students. Mrs. Ambose’s brow drew down, and she sighed before shutting the door.

“Okay, everyone. It’s pop quiz time.” She planted her papers and bag on the desk. She told us about it yesterday, so not really a “pop” quiz, but still a chorus of groans rippled through the room. With the attention moving away from me, I stared out the window, watching a tall figure move across the lot, his limp a distinctive characteristic. He flung his backpack on top of Jones’s car, brought a phone to his ear. To anyone else he would appear like a guy waiting for his friend. I saw more. The slight brisk movements of his arms and shoulders, the way he brushed his hair back. Anger coiled in him like a viper.

And maybe I recognized it because I felt the same. Mine was aimed at Lewis, my ex-friends, but especially at him. Hunter left me to fight this war on my own. I couldn’t run away, but he had the liberty of ducking out and letting it pass, while I stood on the mound ready to battle. Even if I knew I’d lose, I wanted to be strong, finally stand up for myself.

A guy in a flat-rimmed baseball cap sauntered toward Hunter. Jones and Hunter clasped hands in greeting. Jones was average height and lacked the toned muscle like Hunter. His wide-brimmed baseball hat was like a uniform, but from his sideburns, you could see his hair was a reddish blond. His pale skin was covered in tattoos up his arms and neck. A stud pierced his chin and black circular earring plugs.

They stood talking and then their other friend, Megan, joined them. She was my height, with a creamy chocolate complexion and dark eyes. Her black hair was naturally curly and hung past her shoulders. She wore skinny, ripped black jeans and an army green jacket. All three got in the car and drove away. I wanted to throw my books at the window.

They’re probably going somewhere to get high, drink, and play video games the rest the day. Foreshadowing the rest of their pitiful lives. It was the anger in me speaking, curling into spiteful words. Deep down I knew Hunter was more than that.

When the last bell rang, I only experienced trepidation. My footsteps moving toward the gym were less than eager. When I walked in, Coach Nancy opened her arms, bringing me in for a quick hug. “Jaymerson, we are happy to have you back. Now I know you need to be careful, but I thought we could use you in front and coordinate it so you don’t have to go up in a stunt or be used as a base.”

I would basically do fluff moves and chant. Before, I’d been the one doing flips in the air or tumbling on the floor. Dad had encouraged gymnastics at an early age. I had given it up when I turned twelve, but I tumbled pretty well for our routines. Not anymore.

I hadn’t considered it a loss until now. Thinking about not doing the stunts rendered cheerleading even less appealing. The other draw had been being part of the group, the popularity, the friends, and the unspoken expectation that the captain of the football team should be dating a cheerleader. I recognized why girls wanted to do it, but it wasn’t my kind of fun anymore. And the camaraderie I once felt was now strained animosity.

“Oh, look who is back.” Savannah walked off the mat, crossing her arms. “To grace us with her presence.”

Coach Nancy’s gaze darted over to Savannah in confusion and then back at me. She had no idea our friendship had dissolved into gooey tar.

“How lucky are we?” Savannah glared at me, her voice full on condescension. “To have you back.”

Let the harassing begin.

“Well, let’s get started.” Coach Nancy clapped her hands together, trying to end the strange vibe in the room. “I’m going to throw you in. I am sure you will catch on quick. Madison can help you.” Out of the girls, Madison was the nicest, but even she looked less than thrilled at being volunteered to be my tutor.

I picked up the routine quickly but with little enthusiasm. My mind began to wander, and I lost count.

“The other way,” Madison whispered, knocking her shoulder into mine. I stumbled, knocking into Chloe, at the base of the pyramid, who teetered. Savannah’s feet slipped from Chloe’s hold, and she crashed to the ground.

Her butt hit the mat with a thump. It was a little fall, something she would normally laugh off, jumping right back up. She and I were used to going up in the stunts. We both had fallen from two to three tiers up, but the redness blistering Savannah’s cheeks told me she would not brush this off like she normally did.

“Did you see that?” Savannah leaped up, pointing at me. “She did it on purpose.”

“No, she didn’t, Savannah.” Coach Nancy swished her hand. “She accidently hit Chloe.”

“No. I saw her. She didn’t trip.” Chloe not surprisingly backed Savannah.

“Are you hurt, Savannah?” Coach sighed.

“No, but—”

“Then we’ll continue on. The state championships are soon, and I want you girls at your best.” Savannah continued to protest. “Enough, Savannah,” Coach snapped. “All of you take a five-minute break, and whatever issue you have, I want gone. Your problem does not return to this mat. Understand?”

The group nodded in consent and wandered away to get water or check their phones. I headed for the water fountain, knowing the problem wouldn’t go away.

“Why don’t you do us a favor and leave? No one wants you here.” Savannah came up behind me. I took a drink, wiped my mouth, and turned around. She stood with her hands on her hips, a snarl curling her top lip. Savannah was treating me like I had betrayed her. She could be flaky and vapid, but when she narrowed in on something—a boy, a pair of jeans, a grudge—she got what she wanted.

And she wanted me gone.

“We brought you into our group. Let you be a part of us, and this is how you treat us?”

“Let me?” I scoffed.

“Yes. You wouldn’t even be a cheerleader if it weren’t for me.” She tapped her chest. “You can’t dance, and you can barely cheer. The only thing going for you was you’re little and could tumble. Oh, and you were dating Colton.”

“Be honest. Colton was the deciding factor. Not the rest.” I put my hands on my hips.

“He was our friend. It’s what friends do,” she hissed. “But you wouldn’t appreciate the concept.”

“Yeah, Savannah, and you are the epitome of a true friend,” I said so sincerely, her eyes narrowed in confusion. “When it suits you.”

I saw it a little too late. Savannah’s hot temper coming at me. It was a combination of a slap and a push. What she lacked in technique she made up in ferocity. I flew against the wall, another blow creaming the side of my face. My arms flew up, defending and fighting back.

“You bitch!” Savannah screamed.

The air split with the sound of a shrill whistle. Coach ran for us, followed by the rest of the squad, but my fury was centered on Savannah. The anger building in me for so long was finding its way to the surface. I was shorter and smaller than Savannah but I held my own, retaliating with a fierceness that overpowered hers. The anger ran deep and strong. I struck her face, and my already sore hand throbbed harder.

“Stop it!” Coach Nancy jumped in between us. “Both of you. STOP!”

Savannah got one more smack in before Coach divided us, her hands held up, holding us back. Both Savannah and I breathed heavily in and out.

“What is going on?” Coach exclaimed. “You two should be ashamed. You’re friends.”

“No, we’re not,” Savannah said coldly, touching her cheek with a flinch. “Why are you here anyway?” Savannah yelled, still held back by Coach’s arm. “You don’t want to be. And we don’t want you here.”

“You’re right,” I spoke. My lip stung. I reached up and my fingers came away wet with blood.

“Whatever is going on, I will not accept this behavior on my squad. At all. Now start talking before I decide to suspend you both for a few weeks. Possibly from the state championships if our team achieves it.”

“You can’t do that.” Savannah gaped at Coach.

“I can and I will.” We all knew it was an empty threat. Coach could not do without Savannah. On the other hand, they had gotten used to being without me and built routines without me. I was frivolous.

What am I fighting for? The threat of being suspended sent relief down my spine. If I wanted to stay, this should have scared me into wanting to fight for it. But it didn’t. Quite the opposite. What am I staying for? To make my parents happy? To do what people expect of me?

I patted at my bleeding lip and stepped back. Coach Nancy’s hand dropped, her gaze landing on me.

“I don’t want to cause tension in this squad. I think I should leave.”

“No, Jayme. It’s not—”

I held up my hand, cutting her off. “I’m sorry for disappointing you, Coach, but I quit. I think it’s for the best.” The whole room stood still. Even Savannah seemed stunned at my sudden resignation.

I turned to leave, but Coach grabbed my arm. “Jaymerson, I don’t want you to quit. We can work this out.”

“I don’t think we can.” When I smiled, a burst of soreness rocked my cheek. “But it’s not about that. You should have a girl who wants to be here. Who dreams about being on the squad and will give everything to it.”

“And you are not that person?”

“No. I’m not.” I pulled free of her grip, walked over to the bleachers, grabbed my stuff, and left the gym. No one spoke or tried to stop me as I left another piece of my old life behind.

My mother still had my grandparents’ car, but it was my dad who was going to pick me up on his way home from work. He wouldn’t be back in town for another hour. I texted him I no longer needed a ride, omitting the reason why, and jumped on the bus. Our neighborhood had a bus stop at the end of the road.

Wearing practice shorts, sneakers, tank, and light jacket I shivered in the cold while waiting for the bus in front of the school. I bundled my coat tighter around me and hooked my bag over my shoulder, dipping my chin inside the warmth of my jacket.

“Whoa, someone got into a tussle.” The bus driver gaped at my face as soon as she opened the door. “You look too sweet to be getting in a fight.”

“Looks can be deceiving,” I retorted, making my way down the aisle to an open seat.

My mind replayed what happened, reliving the rage and relief. I was glad I finally made my decision about the squad. It was done and there was no going back. Anger at Savannah still bubbled in my veins, keeping me from capturing the scenery as the bus toddled through downtown. Businesses closed at five in our tiny town and most were dark. Night came early this time of year, and the moon already dangled in the sky.

The bus slowed, then stopped. A familiar strip-mall building with a Reconstructive Fitness & Therapy sign on the door drew my attention away from my internal thoughts. Most days it was open till eight or nine, for all the people who had to work or go to school. This week they had closed for Thanksgiving break, giving their hardworking employees a full week off.

I assumed to see it dark and closed. I did not expect to see Hunter’s blue pickup truck in the parking lot.

What is he doing here? Does he not know it’s closed? He was standing right next to me when Justin informed us. Is he driving again? Is he allowed to with his leg?

But all those questions were pushed aside by a current of rage. The cut in my lip, nail scratches over my chest, and the bruise penetrating my cheek were suddenly his fault.

The bus doors closed, the driver stepping on the gas. I reacted without thought. “Stop!” I yelled.

The bus came to a screeching halt, rocking the bus back and forth. I tumbled into the aisle, almost falling with the violent sway. Grabbing my bag, I moved to the back doors. When they opened, I rushed down the steps, trying not to think about what I was going to do.

Chapter Seventeen

The front doors were locked so I went around to the alley, trying the door in the back. The handle twisted in my hand. The knob rattled, telling me the lock inside had been broken. I smirked. Hunter could break into a building. Why was I not surprised? I slunk down the unlit passage, nerves heating my body.

The sound of a treadmill rolled into my ears the closer I got. He broke in to run? How demented is that? I opened the door and slipped in without him hearing me. Hunter wore basketball-style shorts, a T-shirt, and sneakers. Beads of sweat formed along his forehead. He grunted in pain, pressing the arrow button up another level. His muscular back rippled through the thin T-shirt. The ass Stevie loved to ogle flexed as he pushed his legs harder. Everything about him sent thunder into my lungs.

“You are a coward.”

“Shit.” Hunter jumped, twisting around to see me. “You scared me.”

“Good.”

“What are you doing here?”

“I could ask you the same thing.”

His lids narrowed. “What the hell happened to your face?”

“I stood up for myself.”

“Who. Hit. You?” Each word was a demand.

“Does it matter? We aren’t friends anyway, right?”

He sucked in a deep breath and twisted his head back around, stabbing at the buttons. His legs moved to match the treadmill’s pace.

“Like I said, you’re a coward, Hunter Harris.”

“I’m a what?” He slammed the stop button.

“A coward.” I marched up to the treadmill. “You accuse me of not having the guts to be seen with you, when it’s you who has the problem.”

He grabbed onto the rails, whipping his head to me. “I’m the one with the problem?”

“Yes.” I bobbed my head.

He gave a derisive laugh. “You think I don’t want to be seen with you?”

“I think you imagine yourself all sacrificing and doing the right thing for me, when in reality you are taking the easy way out for yourself. You don’t stand up. You hide.”

He twisted fully to face me, peering down. His large frame dwarfed mine, but I didn’t let it bother me. Or at least I tried to appear he didn’t intimidate me.

“It’s what you do. Disappear into the background because it’s easier than standing up.”

His eyes flickered anger. “You know nothing about me,” he seethed.

“Because you won’t let me. You don’t let anyone. I realized I only know rumors about you, little things Colton said, what kids at school say. What’s true? What’s false? I have no idea.” I threw up my arms. “I appreciate not wanting to talk to just anybody, but me?” I pointed to myself. “If anyone could appreciate what you’re going through, it would be me.”

“Not even you would understand.”

“Why?” I slammed my hand on the handrail. “Why wouldn’t I?”

Hunter growled something under his breath and faced forward again.

“I am doing you a favor, Jaymerson.” He hit the start button, and the treadmill jolted forward again.

My fist curled in a ball and dropped to my side. He punched at the up arrow, his limp growing more apparent the faster it went.

“Fine.” I nodded more in defeat than in anger. It might have been selfish, but the loss of our insignificant friendship made me even more volatile and unbalanced and alone. I stepped away, fixed on the exit.

I heard Hunter’s hand slam down on the panel, the machine speeding up. He growled and hit it over and over. I glanced over my shoulder. He leaned forward, his features strained as he struggled to keep up with the speed.

I should have kept walking, let him harm himself. But with Hunter, I acted first, thought later. Years of my father’s wisdom about conditioning and muscle therapy had absorbed into me. All I could see was the damage he was doing to his leg. Pushing it so hard it would never recover.

“Hunter. Stop,” I called out, but he upped the motion of the machine. “Hey.” I trotted back over to him, reaching for his arm. He brushed me off, pushing his legs faster. His face contorted and he grunted in pain. “Hunter! You’re only hurting yourself.”

He ignored me, a strangled cry vibrating deep in his chest. His legs suddenly collapsed underneath him, and he crashed down on the machine. The treadmill flung him off and back against the wall with a loud bang.

“Hunter!” I dashed over, crouching on the floor next to him.

“I’m fine.” He pushed himself to sit as I persisted in helping him. “I’m fine!” He batted my hands away and collapsed against the wall, his injured legs stretched in front of him. He tilted his head against the wall, staring at the ceiling, breathing laboriously.

“What the hell were you thinking? You could have hurt yourself.”

“Yes, Mom.” A smirk hooked up the side of his mouth, but sadness reflected in his eyes. His shoulders lowered, and I sensed his barriers lowering. I slid next to him, my legs barely reaching his calves when I extended them out.

The parking lot lights streamed into the dark room, generating murky shadows around us. The treadmill continued to roll, creating a soft rhythmic grinding sound, like shaking maracas.

We stayed silent.

As intense as Hunter could be, being here with him was the most real and centered I felt all week. I didn’t have to fake being happy or being all right around him. For one moment I was simply me.

“I keep thinking I’m going to wake up.” His voice was low. He rubbed the sweat from his face, brushing his hair back. “This is all some nightmare, and my brother is actually alive.”

I lay my head back with a sigh. “Yeah, me too.”

“But you know what really gets me? Most of the time I’m so fucking furious at him. I hate him for leaving me alone. For driving drunk. For looking at his phone. Then I get mad at myself for blaming him when he was the one who died. I was the one who let him die.”

I kept my mouth closed, hoping this rare moment with him opening up would continue.

“Selfish bastard.” Hunter slammed his head back against the wall. “Everyone is right. If one of us should have died, it should have been me.”

My head jerked toward him.

“You said it yourself,” he jeered. “Everyone, according to Adam, feels this way. Fuck, even my parents think it. Colton was the golden boy, the football star, great student, loved by everyone, on track for an Ivy League school. Model son. All they see when they look at me is the screw-up and said it’s too bad I wasn’t more like my brother. Even as a baby, he was always the one they favored. The one who was the perfect charmer and would follow in dear ol’ Dad’s footsteps. I never wanted that life, seeing my parents and their shallow, fake existence. I hated it. I hated them. I could never pretend. Colton was great at making them happy.

I gave up trying after a while. Decided I’d rather piss them off instead. Something I was good at.” A pained smile wobbled on his mouth.

I opened my mouth.

“Don’t.” He shook his head, anger steaming under the surface. “No matter how stupid people think I am, I can see and hear. I know what they say about me.”

“You are not stupid.”

“When did that change?” he scoffed. “I think I recollect you saying something to Colton one time about me being an idiot. Scary, mean, and a loser also came up numerous times.”

I cringed and glanced down at my hands. I had said those things. “When I recall the times before the crash, it’s like watching a movie…of another girl…someone who was happily one dimensional. I am no longer the same girl.”

“Do you wish you still were? The girl you were before?”

I exhaled slowly, finding my words. “No.” I shook my head. “It’s like before I was living with blinders on. I didn’t even think about the possibility of seeing more, but now that I have, even if it’s painful and cruel, I don’t want to go back.”

Hunter nodded in understanding.

“And I’m sorry for calling you those things. None of them are true.”

“Aw, I kinda liked being scary.” He dropped his head over to look at me, grinning.

I smiled, turning my face to his.

His gaze found mine and a zap of electricity fired through my system. He quickly looked away.

“Little secret. I’m not a druggie, never done any of the hard stuff.” The rumors he was a user and seller were rampant in our school. He never once tried to change this notion of him. “And I’ve only smoked pot once and hated it. Not my thing.”

“Then why do you let people think that?”

He angled his face to me. Like magnets, our eyes went directly to each other’s. Shame pitted heavy in my stomach as my eyes drifted down to his lips. I wanted them on mine. Colton’s ghost was there, but it didn’t scare me away from Hunter like it should have.

“Because I don’t care what anyone thinks of me.” His gaze dove deep into mine, holding me hostage.

“Then why tell me?”

“With you I suddenly seem to care.” His stare grew more intense, his eyebrows lifting slightly. He raised his hand and grazed my cheek with his knuckles. I flinched. “Who did this?” he whispered. His fingers dropped to my split lip, skating over it gently.

I felt my lungs lock down. My heart thumping in my ears. “Savannah.” The answer barely came up my throat. “I quit the squad tonight.” Jayme, get up. Go! My back stayed plastered to the wall.

“Really?” Hunter’s eyebrows curved up.

I nodded. “No one, including myself, wanted me there. It was time to stop forcing something no longer making me happy. I need to start letting go of my past.”

The space between his eyes wrinkled.

“What?”

“Nothing.” He shook his head, looking down. “How’s your hand?” He reached over and picked up my fingers, rubbing his thumb over my bruised knuckles.

“O-kay.” My voice cracked, his touch stealing oxygen from me.

“I’m sorry,” he muttered, his eyes coming back to mine. “I should have backed you up.”

Soft light from the window shadowed the side of his face to his mouth, reflecting in his blue eyes. Something I had never seen in them before caught me. Want. Heat flushed over me, tingling my skin. The yearning to lean in, to taste his lips, devoured me, stealing my reflex to breathe.

“What do you want from me, Jaymerson?”

“I don—”

“No.” He cut me off, leaning in. He licked at his bottom lip. “What do you want? Why did you come here?”

I was entranced by his mouth. “Because I’m an idiot.” He seemed to be getting closer, and my voice went husky. “Because I can’t seem to stay away from you.”

There was a pause, then his mouth crashed down on mine. It was like lightning zapped through me, sizzling the blood in my veins. The sensation of his lips hungrily moving against mine sent desire through me in a fevered swirl. Yet it was mixed with grief, hate, blame, guilt, and anger. We weren’t so much kissing as trying to destroy each other. Needing to forget our bottomless pain.

His hands slipped under my jaw to the back of my head, his fingers gripping roughly into my hair, loosening my ponytail. My hair fell down my shoulders, and he tugged me closer with a primal desperation. My lips parted, opening my mouth to him. A low rumble vibrated his chest.

The furnace in my blood flamed my desire to feel more of this, of him. It devoured me with a wild, ruthless sensation. For once I didn’t analyze the consequences. I acted. Pushing forward on my knees, I crawled onto his lap, straddling him. My nails raked through his hair, needing to pull him even closer to me. He nipped at my bottom lip, tugging it. The tickle of his scruff rubbed along my jaw.

He opened my mouth wider, his tongue curling in with a tantalizing flick. One hand stayed in my hair, pressing me closer into him, the other skated over my shoulders, pushing my jacket off my shoulders. I wrenched it off, my mouth never leaving his.

Once my hands were free, they went to his cheeks and into his hair, anything to bring him nearer. It was like a simmering fire turned on full blast. Every nerve was highly aware of his hands roving over my skin.

Before tonight I had kissed four boys counting Colton. None of them made me feel like this. I had enjoyed making out with them. A lot. A few times it had almost led to more, but I easily stopped it. Fear always won out.

Tonight I had no such emotion. Hunter was like nothing I had experienced. The desperation and desire for him was like a monster I couldn’t control—something that took hold of me and burned out any thoughts or apprehension. I wanted him. I let myself be consumed by the need.

His rough palms moved under my tank top, skating over my sides. Tingles erupted over my skin, and I moaned softly. He was hard against me and it felt amazing. I wanted more. I ground into him, and he sucked in a harsh breath.

His hands gripped my hips, and he flipped me over on my back, quickly crawling between my legs. His warm mouth found mine with a force. I wrapped my legs around him, wanting him close. Inside.

My hands yanked at his running shorts, pushing them down. I slipped my fingers under his boxer briefs, drawing him nearer to me. He growled my name and ripped my tank top over my head. With every touch of his hands or lips, my skin became more sensitive, yearning to remove all barriers between us.

“Hunter,” I whispered in his ear, conveying to him what I desired. I didn’t want to think or be responsible or feel guilty. Being good and afraid ruled the girl before. Now I wanted to feel, to be alive, live the life I almost lost. Drown myself in euphoria, where no pain existed.

He braced himself on one arm as he tugged at the string of my workout shorts, his mouth never leaving mine. His knuckles brushing so low, my body reacted. I nipped down on his lip, which only enticed his fervor. He yanked harshly at my shorts, inching them over my hips.

Yes. Now.

The sound of the door squeaked open. A light suddenly flickered into my eyes, and I flinched, looking away.

“Shit.” Hunter jerked back. I turned to see a security guard walking into the room, peering around the room with his flashlights.

Hunter yanked up his shorts as he scrambled to his feet, snatching my top, which lay near him. He grabbed my hand and pulled me up, shoving my tank top into my arms. It was too late to hide; the man shined his light on us.

“Don’t move.”

“Jaymerson Holloway?” My name rang briskly through the holding cell. A woman cop motioned me forward.

Upon hearing my name, I jumped to my feet. Part of me thought staying here would have been safer. My parents were cool…to a point. Explaining this to them? Not so much.

“The charges have been dropped. Your father’s here to take you home.”

There were snickers from some of the “working women” in the corner. I thought when the women saw me, in my little purple cheerleading shorts and tank, they’d descend on me like sharks, but most of them fiddled with their nails or tried to sleep. Two homeless women curled up in the corner reeking of body odor, piss, and alcohol. Fear had kept me primed on the edge of the bench, trying not to touch anyone or make eye contact.

At eighteen, they said Hunter would be processed as adult, and I didn’t see him once they took our fingerprints, not that he would have given me comfort. He didn’t speak the whole ride over, keeping his focus out the window, or while they stained my fingers with ink. If anything, he seemed to get more and more angry and irritable. His muscles along his shoulders rippled under his shirt every time I moved too close or bumped against him when we got our digits doused in ink.

The cop unlocked the door and slid it open. I slipped out, following her down the hallway. I spotted Hunter as soon as we entered the main area. He sat across from a balding police officer, shaking his head, his dark hair falling down into his eyes. As if he could sense my gaze on him, he lifted his head and looked over.

Our eyes caught. He held my gaze for a moment, then frowned. Anger flashed in his eyes, and then he turned away from me.

I clenched my teeth as I walked past him and tried not to look at him. The cop led me to the waiting area, where my dad leaped up the moment he saw me.

“She’s all yours.” The cop nodded and returned to the main station.

My dad opened his mouth, his arms slightly lifting, like he didn’t know if he wanted to hug me or scream at me. “Oh my god, are you all right?” He clutched my chin, taking in my shiner. His eyes widened as he took in more of my cuts and scrapes. “Did he do this?”

“No! Of course not!” I stepped from his grip.

“Is this from your fight with Savannah?” My eyes widened. Wow, Coach didn’t waste any time. Dad clenched his teeth, scanning me. In his silence I could detect the lecture building. Then he opened his mouth.

“What the hell happened, Jaymerson? Do you know how sick with worry your mom and I were? What we were going through? Do you have any idea how it felt when I got home and you still weren’t there? To hear from Nancy that you left school hours ago. We thought something happened to you.” He shook his head, bellowing at me. “After almost losing you once, do you know what was going through our minds?” He tapped angrily at his head. “Then to get a call from the police to come get our daughter, that you were caught with a boy, not only breaking and entering, but for indecency.”

Indecency? I still had on my sports bra and shorts. True, it wouldn’t have been long till those things were off, which was why I decided to kept my mouth shut. My dad wasn’t stupid, and it would be worse if I tried to make those kinds of points.

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“Are you?” He folded his arms.

“Yes. I’m sorry for worrying you.”

His two fingers rubbed at his chin. Uh-oh. He was upset.

“Nancy told us you quit the squad tonight.”

“Yes.”

“Is it because of him?” Dad held his hand toward the inside of the police station. “Why you are no longer finding interest in things you used to love? Is he the reason you quit?”

“Are you serious?” I sputtered. “Quitting was my decision. It had nothing to do with Hunter. I no longer enjoyed it. Why can’t it be okay? Why can’t I change without feeling like I am letting everyone down?”

“Is it that, though?” Dad’s frustration with me echoed in his eyes. “Because it seems since he has become more of a part in your life, the more the things you used to enjoy are falling away.”

Dad only saw my change as being connected with Hunter. Not the accident, not losing Colton, or me growing up. He was scared of Hunter. In this small town you couldn’t help but know about everyone, especially the Harris twins. One good. One bad.

“I know you’ve been going through a lot, more than most teenagers should, and it is probably natural to want to bond with someone else who has gone through the same thing. But Hunter?” He looked up, trying to choose his words carefully. “You know what your therapist said about confusing intense emotional situations for true feelings. For you it’s even more so. You tragically lost someone you genuinely cared about, and you share this loss with his twin brother. No one can blame you for getting a little confused.”

“Confused?”

“Honey, both your mother and I think you shouldn’t see him anymore.”

“Not see him? He goes to my school. We have physical therapy together.”

“At school, I can ask you keep your distance. But starting next week, we are moving your therapy to a different time.”

“What?”

“It’s for the best. You need a little space and time to get over what happened, to heal, inside and out, and move on. It is almost impossible to do when every day you spend time with him.” Dad motioned to the door where I came out. “Who looks exactly like the boy you recently lost.”

I looked away, feeling both anger and guilt roll up my shoulders like a sleeping bag.

“I know you don’t want to listen to me. Hunter is trouble. Dangerous. And will lead you down a bad path.” His eyes flicked around the police waiting room. “You are my little girl, and I don’t want to see you get hurt. You’ve already suffered enough.” He pulled me into a hug. “I love you, and I want to keep you safe. Forever. Is this too much to ask?”

“I’m not a little girl anymore.”

“You and your sister will always be my little girls, and I will always want to protect you.” He kissed the top of my head. “Now, let’s go home. Think there’s some chocolate ice cream in the freezer.”

“Yeah, like Mom will let me have ice cream.”

He put his arm around me, steering me through the door into the cool night. “Let me handle her.”

“Really?” I looked at him in shock.

“Nooo…I’m throwing you to the wolves, grabbing the ice cream and running.”

“What I figured.”

As Dad pulled the car out of the lot, I watched the front of the station. I couldn’t see him, but I knew he was in there. Alone. I doubted he called his parents; legally he didn’t have to. But I wondered if they would have even come if he did.

Dad might think the topic of Hunter was finished, but I couldn’t walk away so easily.

I’d always listened to my parents and did what they asked. I was their good girl. Not because they demanded it of me; it was what I did. Honor roll, check. Cheerleader, check. Did chores unasked, check. Did my homework, watched my sister, never got in trouble: check, check, check. I didn’t even think about rebelling. I never needed to.

Take this all away and who was I? What did I really want? Now I was staring down an endless road of questions with no clear answers.

Chapter Eighteen

“What is this gibberish you’re sending me, Whiskey? It’s way too early to be cryptic,” Stevie demanded over the phone the next morning.

I knew this call was coming. I had texted her an enigmatic message about not seeing me at physical therapy anymore. Her call came swiftly after. I didn’t want to talk because I couldn’t get around this without telling her what happened. It would be difficult to admit my protests of hating Hunter had completely changed.

After my mother’s silent treatment ended in tears, I crawled into bed, my mind going straight to the kiss. Replaying it over and over in my head. The way his lips devoured mine. The hungry way our mouths claimed each other’s. The feel of his fingers skimming over my bare skin, the weight of him between my legs...

I had a very sleepless night.

Not all of the restlessness was because of Hunter. I held a lot of guilt for hurting my parents. My mother didn’t talk to me for the first two hours, then after putting Reece to bed, they sat me down.

After an hour of lecturing, Mom still struggled to look at my black-and-blue face and the ink stains on my fingers. She burst into tears and shut herself in her room. Dad gave me a hug and told me we’d talk more in the morning.

“What do you mean you’re no longer going to physical therapy?” Stevie exclaimed, bringing me back to the present. Her voice was filled with confusion. She knew I was months away from being done.

“The Tuesday-Thursday sessions. I’m being moved to Monday-Wednesday.”

“And why?”

“Uh…” Words died in my throat.

“Whisk-ey?” She emphasized my pet name, knowing a story lay behind what I wasn’t saying.

My cheeks stung as dots of embarrassment peppered my face like freckles. “Um…well…my parents think it is best I’m not around Hunter any longer.”

There was a lengthy silence. “And again I will ask…why is that?”

I could have lied and said it was for my mental health. Being around a duplicate of my dead boyfriend was stunting my recovery. To my parents this was true, but I couldn’t lie to Stevie. She was my only friend, and I had no doubt she would either figure it out or hear about our little break-in from the staff.

“Hunter and I were arrested last night for breaking and entering.”

Another pregnant pause. “I’m sorry. Can you repeat, please?”

“Oh, and we were charged for indecency as well.” I couldn’t help the slight impish smile that formed.

“Whuu-ttt?”

“I only had my tank top off so I’m not sure what was so indecent. The security guard was a bit of a prude.”

“Top. Off?” Stevie repeated slowly. “Holy shit. I knew it! Did I not call this from the moment he walked in?” she demanded. “Now tell me every single detail, especially the indecency part.”

“Do you want to hear about the brawl between me and my ex-best friend that ended in a fistfight and me quitting the squad before ending up in jail?

“Oh, holy bejesus,” her throat croaked. “I am so proud of you. My little girl is growing up.”

“Because I got into a fight and ended up behind bars?”

“No. Because you are finally being true to yourself. Most people might see this as a cry for help or you having issues. But those people don’t really know you. Jeez, the worst you did was get caught. You are anything but ordinary, Whiskey. You just need to let yourself be okay with it. You have a freak flag, girl. Wave it!”

Talking to Stevie was like ointment to my soul. Sounded cheesy, but it was true. She was the one person who accepted me the way I was—a mess.

My mouth weaved around the story, telling her everything that happened. I didn’t hold back or hide any of it, even down to Hunter’s rejection later. And as much as the kiss replayed in my mind with giddy revival, I had many doubts and much guilt. Our attraction was no doubt from the heightened emotions getting the best of us. It would make the most sense. All those complicated feelings needed a way out.

And it did. Through a kiss.

Actually, through an incredibly hot make-out session.

Thanksgiving break was awful. It was still tense around the house, and my grandparents descending on us for Thanksgiving only created more friction. Grandma Nessa criticized everything my mother did, then made little jabs about how tired and skinny I looked, or how willful Reece behaved.

I felt like dry pasta, ready to snap. But it wasn’t my family which caused me to lose sleep or stop eating. The moment I quit cheerleading, officially ending my friendships, I got attacked. Virally.

Welcome to growing up in the Internet age.

Nasty posts and cruel tweets dominated my social media. Savannah was the leader, but lots of people I didn’t even really know started copying her, displaying mean memes and spiteful tags. It was devastating. I became so sick to my stomach by the assaults, I stayed curled in my bed most of the vacation. I talked to Stevie a lot, just to keep my head above water and not drown in my own tears. But I didn’t admit even to her the thing which hurt the most was I hadn’t heard a word from Hunter.

When school began again I had convinced myself kissing him was the worst choice I had ever made. With most of the school using me as a pincushion, he was the last thing I had time to think about. My certainty lasted till Monday. Fifth period.

I ignored the crunching nerves in my abdomen, but it was harder to overlook the shaking of my hand as I tried to hold my pencil. I had seen him hanging out by the bleachers with his friends on my way to the library at lunch. Waiting for him to enter the class transformed my nervousness into annoyance.

Just get here. Then it could be over—the initial seeing-each-other-for-the-first-time-since-going-at-it-on-the-therapy-floor-then-ending-up-in-a-holding-cell encounter. You know, like most first kisses.

My hand rattled over the paper as I tried to distract myself by working on the history report due before the next upcoming holiday break. But I could write no words: Hunter had walked in.

I sighed, stirring in my chair, keeping my head down, pretending I hadn’t noticed his entrance. Nothing about him blended in with the walls or other students. As much as he tried to appear to be nonexistent at school, he couldn’t. Not to me. Not anymore.

Under heavy lashes, I watched him. He wore faded jeans and a short-sleeved, steel-grey T-shirt, as if he were defying the cold air outside. A blue cap coved his head, hiding his eyes from view. But once again it only seemed to pinpoint his strong jaw and mouth. The same lips I could still imagine on mine, moving, exploring. I shook my head, dislodging the thought, trying to prevent the heat from creeping up my body.

Hunter strolled down the aisle and, against my better judgment, I looked up. Under the shadow of his hat I saw his eyes. For the briefest moment, his gaze darted to me, but snapped away with quick speed. He pressed his lips together and his shoulders constricted around his neck. He passed me, dropping his books on his desk and sat down, quickly opening his notebook and turning all his focus on it.

My heart pounded in my chest, impelling the disappointment from my thoughts. This was what I wanted also. To pretend it never happened and cut all ties with each other.

He clearly thought it was a mistake. Like I did.

Right?

My head involuntarily dropped to my desk with a thud of frustration. The moment it hit, I snapped it back up, hoping he didn’t see me or think it had anything to do with him.

Lately my emotions had been leaking through and were out there for everyone to see. As if years of keeping them still and under the surface, even when I wasn’t aware I was doing it, was no longer a talent I possessed.

I tried to concentrate on the class, but Hunter held way more sway than Mrs. Ambose. He sat behind me, which created a difficulty in glancing his way unnoticed. When my pencil dropped, or anyone spoke, I let my gaze fall briefly on him. All I saw was the top of his baseball hat, his gaze never leaving his paper.

Okay. Stop, Jaymerson. He does not feel the same.

The problem was I didn’t even know how I felt. I couldn’t deny I longed for him to look at me and give me an indication to how he was feeling. Embarrassed? Ashamed? Remorseful?

When the bell rang and he darted from class before most others had even closed their books, I made a decision: I was going to forget all about what happened with Hunter Harris. Concentrate on staying out of trouble, getting my grades back up, and running off to college the first moment I could.

I jumped wholeheartedly into my plan in the following weeks, using all the breaks to study in the library and do extra credit in my health and science class, the only one I still somewhat enjoyed.

My fall from grace had lost its novelty to some people. I was not lucky enough, however, to go unnoticed by my old friends or those trying to be part of their group. The daily viral assaults on my different accounts became too much. I ended up closing all of them, something I kept from my parents since they couldn’t do anything about it. Hopefully with no outlet for them to insult me directly and football season gaining more of their attention the closer they got to the state finals, the more the jabs would diminish.

Stevie helped me get through. She had moved her schedule to accommodate mine, to Justin’s dismay and delight. He saw how much we supported and helped each other, but he also saw how distracted and inattentive we were with the actual exercises.

“I’m not kidding. I’m happy you’re helping each other, but I will separate you if you don’t finish your reps,” Justin hollered at us, preparing the mat with bands and weights for our next round of strength training.

Stevie scoffed, knowing he would never follow through with it.

“He will torture us more though.” With my arms behind my head, I lifted my head off the yoga ball, crunching up.

“True. But that’s later.” Stevie did a tiny curl forward.

“You mean in two minutes from now.”

“Like I said. In the future,” she reaffirmed. “Anyway, before he rudely interrupted us…as he seems to do a lot when we are here,” she grumbled in mocking bewilderment. “I’m worried about you. All my work on you seems to be dwindling slowly.” I did another sit-up, ignoring her. She rolled forward on the ball. “I’m serious, Whiskey.”

“Sorry I haven’t been arrested lately. Taking a break from the jail scene,” I said.

She crossed her arms, then squinted. “You know it’s not what I mean. You are sliding back into your old habits again.”

Indignation drove my spine straight, sitting up. “What are you talking about?”

“You. You’re becoming the boring shell of a girl again.”

“Excuse me?”

“The fact you’re getting pissed at me right now tells me you know it’s true.” Stevie moved her finger, motioning around me. “Behind that extremely smart brain of yours, you can feel it happening. You’re letting your true character die.”

“What if this is really me?” I snapped, sitting straight on the ball.

She licked her lips, a newly pierced eyebrow hitching up. “Would you be so angry with me if I weren’t right?”

I opened, then shut, my mouth.

“You have been miserable lately. Angry, irritable, vacant, but doing everything you think is expected of you. I see you shutting down again, letting them win.”

“Who wins?”

“The Savannahs of this world, your parents, even Hunter.”

I stared down at my hands the moment she said his name. A steady fury burned in my lungs. He left me alone in hostile waters. I doubted he got hounded on social media, if he was even on it. Nor was he laughed at and ridiculed in the hallways. He stuck to the safety of his friends, far from the inner circle of the school. I gritted my teeth, realizing my anger wasn’t at him. It was at me. I put my head in my hands.

“This is why you have me.” Stevie patted the back of my head. “To hold up a mirror every once in a while. I adore you, Whiskey, but I really love the girl you were becoming. Feisty, strong, living life.” She leaned over, wrapping her arms around my shoulders. “And can I say with a really nice ass?”

A snorted chuckle leaped from my throat.

“No, I’m not kidding. It’s amazing. Who knew exercise would do that?”

“Suzie-amazing?” I twisted my head to peer at her.

“Oh, well, let’s not get carried away.” She winked. “Her ass is epic.”

Laughter released from deep inside me, and immediately the muscles along my shoulders relaxed. Stevie was right: it was easy for me to fall into the rut of living under the radar, not causing trouble, or upsetting the flow of everyone around me. But it really didn’t make anyone happy. Most of all, myself.

“Because of this slight setback, you’re going with me to a party Friday night.”

“Oh, am I?” I retorted with a smile.

She nodded. “It will be fun. I promise.”

Chapter Nineteen

Friday was the last day of school before the holidays. The teachers were grinning with elation, and the students were bouncing in their seats. Finals were over and everyone was ready for the break. When the bell rang, the class moved toward the door like a wave and exploded in ear-piercing laughter and cheers.

I was especially looking forward to getting away. Not to have to face Hunter or my ex-friends on a daily basis made me giddy, and I could sense a big grin spreading across my face.

Stevie told me to be ready by eight thirty. We’d go get something to eat, then head to the party. She said it was low-key, nothing fancy. It sounded perfect to relax and hang out with people I didn’t know. No one would know my recent past, or have any knowledge of Colton, or my harsh fall from the inner group. I’d only be a girl at a party.

The rain had tapered off to sprinkles by the time Stevie picked me up.

“Ready to go, Whiskey?” She was dressed in black skinny torn jeans, a rocker tank top, leather jacket, and heeled, suede booties. Thick black eyeliner embellished her eyes. Her blonde hair, black and purple underneath, was loose and un-brushed. It always fashioned her more like a sexy rocker chick than unkempt.

“Yep.” I slipped on a scarf and coat disguising a formfitting black sweater, skinny jeans, and my usual knee-length boots. I curled my long hair, but the damp weather layered it into waves.

We grabbed pizza at my favorite spot, and I let myself think of Colton. We had come here all the time. It reminded me mostly of the night at the lake.

Around ten we drove to a house off Main Street, near downtown, at the east end and the lower-income side. The place was a small ranch-style house. Clean but chipping paint and warped wood gave it an antique appearance. Chairs and an old sofa sat on the porch where some people mingled, smoking and talking. Cars of all types filled the driveway and bled into the street parking. Two were even parked on the lawn. Muffled music pumped from the backyard. This wasn’t the type of neighborhood where people would call the cops for loud music.

It was a far cry from the party where most of my school would be tonight. It wasn’t even a question that every one of my old friends would be at Jason’s tonight. Carrie would have it professionally decorated for the last party of the year because every Christmas to New Year’s their whole family left for the Bahamas. It was comforting knowing there would be no chance I would run into anyone from that group.

I got out of Stevie’s white hatchback Corsica and followed her up the path.

“How did you hear about this party?” I pulled my jacket tighter around me, sudden nerves scratched at my calm exterior. Going into groups always unnerved me. I used to have Colton as a human shield, and he happily gobbled up the attention.

“You don’t think I still have friends or connections here?” She hit her chest as if I insulted her.

“With you I don’t doubt anything.”

“Learning well.” She patted my arm. “The crowd here is a little older. I can almost promise you won’t run into anyone you know. Now relax and have fun.” She wiggled us past the crowd on the porch and walked inside.

Immediately I wanted to peel away my coat. The room was full of bodies, the room temperature close to a sauna. People of all of shapes, races, sizes, and hair color milled through the room. The music filtered in from the backyard. Various liquors, beers, and wine bottles occupied the kitchen counter. A bowl of chips and salsa was the only food item on the table. Twinkly white Christmas lights were haphazardly strung around the house. The main space held a sectional and a La-Z-Boy, which were occupied with people conversing and laughing. The front area was packed with bodies, and with an invisible line between it and the open dining room/kitchen, which was crammed with even more individuals.

No one gawked, made a snide remark, or whispered about me. It was awesome.

“Stevie,” a girl of Asian descent cried from the kitchen, throwing up her arms and waving. She had short-cropped hair, a tattoo on her neck, a nose ring, bright red lipstick, and wore all black except for the Santa hat on her head. She was pretty and petite with cords of muscles flexing her biceps. She could kick my ass.

“Hey…you.” Stevie waved back.

“You don’t know her name, do you?” I mumbled.

“No.” She kept her face forward as the girl made her way to us. “She’s in my phone as Mulan.”

I clapped my hand to my mouth, trying to cover my laugh. “You are awful.”

“Hey, you should be thankful I care to remember yours.”

“You call me Whiskey.”

“Yeah, close enough.”

I snorted. Stevie had a way of constantly making me laugh. “Probably because you’re not trying to sleep with me.”

“I actually like you too much to put you in that group now.” She winked at me. “Too bad. You could have been fun.”

“Shut up.” I knocked my shoulder into hers.

She laughed, opening her arms to greet Mulan, who leaned in and gave her a quick kiss, her eyes sparkling with joy. I suddenly felt like the baby-pink crayon in a box of neon-colored ones.

It wasn’t like I wanted to dye my long caramel hair black or green or get a nose ring, but the sweet, dismissive girl in the mirror didn’t match the girl inside. She was rapping against the cage, wanting to fly free.

“This is my friend, Whiskey.” Stevie motioned to me.

Mulan’s black eyes rolled slowly over me, a slight hitch in her upper lip. Oh, man, she really was going to kick my ass.

“Friend. Only friend,” I clarified. Mulan seemed a bit possessive of her toys.

“Hi,” she said, then turned back to Stevie. “Want a drink?”

“Of course.” Stevie turned to me. “You want one?”

“I’m going to be our designated driver. I’ll take a soda.”

Stevie nodded. She knew drinking and driving was not something I would even remotely consider.

“I was going to have one, then water.”

I shook my head. “Give me your keys. I’m not a huge fan of beer or liquor.”

“You sure? The whole point was for you to have fun.”

“Yes. And I still can enjoy myself.”

She placed the keys in my palm. “Next time I’m being the good one and you’re having fun.”

“Fine. We’ll tag team it.”

“Tag team who now?” Mulan stepped up.

“Not that kind of tag-teaming.” I shook my head.

Mulan huffed and turned toward the kitchen as we trailed behind. Stevie stopped to greet quite a few people as we moved deeper into the room. People she knew from when she went to school here.

“Here. A closed can of regular soda.” Stevie handed me a Coke. “If you can’t get drunk, you might as well get so pumped on sugar you’re hanging from the chandeliers with me.”

“I love we set such lofty goals for ourselves.”

“It’s good to have a higher calling.”

I cheered her glass and took a sip of the overly sweet liquid. “Ick.” My parents weren’t big on us drinking soda in the house so we usually had natural sparkling lemonade or juice. This tasted like I had put a dozen sugar cubes on my tongue.

Mulan’s friends moved in, stealing Stevie’s attention as they asked her about her accident, and how she liked New York. She tried to keep me involved, but quickly the conversation got away from me. As they switched topic to some naked woman’s art show in the city, my attention drifted to the small bonfire in the back.

People hung out near it, drinking and being silly, wiggling their butts to the music. A guy squirted some lighter fluid on it, sparking it high. My gaze landed on him, taking in a familiar flat brimmed hat, black T-shirt with a marijuana symbol on it, and tattoos.

I froze. Shit. Jones. Hunter’s best friend. Is Hunter here? A bead of sweat lined the back of my neck as my eyes darted over every person I could see. Doug stood across from Jones, throwing in a chunk of wood, a beer in his hand. Oh no, no, no! There was no way they would be here and he wouldn’t. I wasn’t sure if I were experiencing a zing of excitement or the effects of caffeine and sugar in my system.

“Stevie.” I grabbed her arm. “Whose house is this?”

She bit her lip. “I think his name is Duke, or Don, or Dom…”

“Doug,” I stated. Crap. “He’s here, isn’t he?”

It was the first time I’d ever seen her look rueful.

“Stevie!” I hissed.

“I didn’t know for sure. I know his friend Dwayne.”

“Doug.”

“Whatever. I know he hangs out with a lot of these people. So…I might have figured...” She held up her hand. “But I didn’t know if he would be here. I swear.”

“You promised I wouldn’t run into anyone I knew.”

“I said I could almost promise.”

I rolled my bottom lip between my teeth. I wanted to be mad, but I wasn’t. I wanted not to care he was here, but I did. I especially did not want to be searching for him, but of course I was.

“I’m sorry. You mad?”

I exhaled. “No.”

“I personally think you need to talk. Fight, kiss, have sex…I don’t care. Just figure it out. You have been especially tense and grumpy.”

“It’s not because of Hunter.”

She tipped her head. “Maybe not entirely, but a good chunk.”

I was terrified, but mostly afraid he wouldn’t want to talk to me. We needed to chat so I could move on. Let it go.

“Go, girl. I’ll be here for you when you’re ready to leave. Or need to flee from some uptight security guard.”

I nodded and walked from the kitchen, pulling on my jacket. A few people were heading out back, and I attached myself to them, using them as a cloak. I scanned the space, trying to distinguish individuals in the darkness. He wasn’t there. Hunter was distinctive. His physique was tall and extremely fit with broad shoulders and a narrow, toned waist, and as Stevie put it, an ass that made you want to lick frosting off it. None of the guys here came close. Being with Colton so long, I could pick out the twins’ forms instantly. And Hunter had an even more distinguishing way of holding himself. A primal sexual magnetism and quiet confidence Colton never had.

I went back in, staying on high alert while wandering through the living room, a bit of doubt started to seep in. What if he didn’t come?

I stepped onto the front porch, the blockade of people who were here when we first arrived had moved back inside. Now it was empty.

My chest sank in disappointment as I walked to the porch rail, where I sucked in a gulp of night air. Of all the parties he’d probably go to it would be Doug’s, but, of course, he wasn’t at this one. I sighed, my breath evaporating into the sky. Drops of water from the earlier rain pattered from the trees and roof onto the ground in a soft repetitive beat.

“Too crowded in there for you?” A low, deep voice came from the shadows behind me.

“Shit.” I swung around, the familiar voice rattling me.

At the far end of the porch Hunter hunkered in a low porch chair. The light pointed outward, drowning him in shadows. He wore what he had on at school: dark jeans, biker boots, and a black T-shirt under his jacket.

I gulped and exhaled, my hand touching my chest. “You’re good at blending into the background, huh? Letting yourself disappear.”

“I am.” His mouth wavered in a bemused smile. “It’s easier. You know, the coward’s way out.”

I pinched my lips together. “You do prefer that.”

“Uh-oh. I sense another lecture coming.” He stretched out farther in his chair.

“What would I have to lecture you about?” Yes, I was being coy, playing games, trying to get him to talk first.

As usual he stayed quiet. I strolled over to him. For weeks I held onto a lot of anger. Now as he sat in front of me, I felt nothing but a serenity, which I hadn’t experienced since the day we stopped talking.

“You hiding out here?” I settled on the railing, letting my legs dangle.

“Yeah.” He shifted in the chair, his gaze dropped from me. “Too many people wanting to small talk or tell me again how sorry they are. Needed to get some air.” This was something I could understand and relate to. A few beats passed before he spoke again. “What brought you to a Dougie Roe party?”

“Stevie.”

“Ah.” He nodded.

“I guess she knows your friend Doug?” I crossed my ankles, sitting farther back on the rail.

“They went to school together briefly. She was a freshman before he dropped out.” He took a swig of his beer. “Wouldn’t think this would be your scene.”

“Because you know my scene?” I challenged. He lifted his eyebrow. “Don’t make assumptions. You know nothing about me.”

“Do you?”

I inhaled deeply at his words. I had been asking myself the same question lately, and he called me out on it in thirty seconds. “Screw you, Hunter.” I jumped off the rail. “I don’t know why I try.” I spun and rushed to the back door.

“Jayme, wait.” Hunter leaned out of his chair, his fingers wrapping around mine. He tugged at my hand, turning me to face him. He looked up. “Look, I’m—”

The screen door whined as it opened. Hunter stopped talking but didn’t let go of my hand.

“Hunter. There you are.” A woman’s raspy, deep voice poured over us like bourbon. The door banged behind her. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you, sexy.” Hunter dropped my hand the same time I glanced over my shoulder at the intruder.

Enough light shined through to show the woman had to be in her mid-twenties. Tall, with dark blonde hair, and skin which looked like it was constantly exposed to the sun. Heavy black eyeliner popped her blue eyes. She wore cut-off jean shorts, cowboy boots, and a Led Zeppelin T-shirt. In December. She was the cliché of sex, drugs, and rock ‘n’ roll.

As she sauntered up, her brash confidence had me stepping back, hitting the support beam. Her eyes moved up and down me, deciphering my threat level.

“You’re adorable.” She winked, tilting her head at Hunter. “Stay away from this one, sweetie. Unbelievable in bed, but all trouble.”

He slept with her? When I tried to swallow, it felt like a foot was pressed against my throat.

“Sunny.” Hunter sighed, rising. “Did you need something?”

“Besides you?” She smiled. “I haven’t seen you around in a while. Missed you.”

“Been kind of busy.”

Busy? Is that what he called it? Car accident, coma, finding out his brother was dead, aneurysm, retraining his legs to walk again, kissing his twin’s girlfriend, jail. Yeah. Busy. I couldn’t help but scoff, and his eyes darted to me.

Her gaze followed. A crease edged her mouth before she returned to Hunter, clearing her throat to get his full attention back on her. “I heard about your brother. I’m sorry.”

“Thanks,” Hunter said automatically, his eyes went to mine again as if to say, See?

Sunny noticed our gaze. “Well.” She grabbed his chin, turning him to her. “If you need anything. Comfort. From someone who does more than missionary. Come find me.”

“Excuse me?” My mouth opened before I even realized it, bristling with anger. Here was another person who took one look at me and thought they had me pegged. I was tired of it. And I realized I didn’t like her touching him.

I stepped into her face. “Listen, sweetie. You don’t know anything about me. Don’t look at me and assume I’m adorable.” She was a few inches taller, but my anger didn’t seem to notice. “Because I’m not. And if you don’t back off right now and stop whoring yourself to a man who recently had his world ripped into shreds, so you can get laid…”

I took another step and she stumbled backward, her eyes wide with shock. I heard Hunter say my name, but I ignored him. “I’m gonna show you how sweet I can be.”

Sunny blinked, stunned. She shifted up taller, as though preparing for retaliation. Hunter must have also seen it.

“Sunny. Don’t,” he warned. He reached for my arms and tried to pull me back. I didn’t give an inch. “Jayme, come on. We’re going for a walk.”

Finally, he tugged me away, leading me off the porch. Sunny and I stared at each other before she smirked. “She really is adorable.”

“And you’re revolting!” Rage tensed my limbs, and I tried to turn back, but Hunter had a firm grip on me.

“Come on.” He kept walking till the house was no longer in sight.

“Where are we going?” I grumbled, shaking off his hold.

“To cool off.” He glanced over at me and chuckled. “Wow, I thought your little scuffle with Adam and Savannah was a fluke, but there’s a bit of scrapper in you.”

A smile grew on my mouth. “Yeah, I wanted to punch her.” A buzz ignited through me, making me feel lighter.

Alive.

Hunter and I kept moving, a comfortable silence falling between us. Colton hated silence, and he constantly filled it with talk, music, TV, or sleep. The people he hung out with were the same, as if they were left alone with their thoughts too long they’d melt.

Hunter was comfortable with being quiet. I had to admit it was nice. Relaxing. Well, as comfortable as I could be with the guy I almost had sex with and hadn’t talked to since. I still didn’t know if I was relieved the security guard stopped us…or disappointed.

Relieved. Definitely relieved, I told myself.

His limp made him slow enough for me to match his steps, clouds of air billowing out our mouths from the brittle night. The rain from earlier still pooled the streets and sidewalks.

“How have you been?” I finally asked.

He glanced over at me and his brow furrowed. Without a word I understood. We were asked constantly how we were, but nobody actually wanted to know. They wanted to hear “Good. Thank you.” Not the truth.

“It’s me.” I wanted honesty.

He stared far down the road. “Some moments are okay, like I might make it to the next one. Other times… I wish a car would come along and finish the job. End the pain and remorse.”

“Yeah.” I shoved my hands deep in my pockets. “You know what’s strange?”

“What?”

“I’m scared I won’t stop feeling this way. And even more scared I will.” I looked up at the night sky, a few stars poked through the clouds. “I’m terrified if I really let myself think about what happened, I won’t come back. The pain will be too much and it will break me.”

I moved my focus to the streetlights glinting off the wet cement. “But then I experience horrendous guilt for wanting to move on, like I’m over his death so easily. So…where do I live? In a perpetual state of numbness? A zombie in life? Doing what I always did? Let myself forget the sound of his voice, his laugh?” I hadn’t told anyone these thoughts, not even the therapist.

Hunter stayed quiet, our boots clipping over the road.

“Will his death be what defines me?”

“It will shape you, not define you,” he said quietly.

A dash of hope lifted me. He amazed me. Here was this guy holding so much agony and grief inside, but he could still make things better.

“Tell me yours, Hunter. I want to know. What’s your fear?”

A strange scoffing laugh came from him. His gaze went to me then quickly darted away. “Everything,” he finally said. Then he turned his head to look behind us. “You want to turn back?”

“No,” I automatically responded, my hair tumbling around my shoulders. “Not yet.”

“You hungry?” He pulled one hand from his pocket, motioning for me around the corner onto Main Street.

“Possibly.” I shrugged. “I better let Stevie know.” I tugged out my phone and texted her: I’m with Hunter. Not like that. Just walking. Maybe second dinner. How is Mulan?

It was only a minute before I got a text back.

Moved on from Mulan (Too clingy! Ugh.) Found me Pocahontas. Hot and flirty. Just the way I like ‘em. You call it dinner; some people call it eating out. A blush heated my cheeks, and I quickly shoved my phone away.

“What?” Hunter asked.

“Nothing. Stevie being Stevie.”

“That leaves a lot of room for interpretation.”

Tension still hung between us. Like pros we skirted the topic of our make-out session. We walked down the sidewalk full of shops and cafes, then my eyes landed on the front of a shop, the glowing neon sign lighting up my face. The girl I kept contained inside flapped with eagerness. She filled my body, urging me forward, telling me exactly what she wanted.

It was time to let her out. Let her fly.

Chapter Twenty

The grin over my face grew, hurting my cheeks.

“Are you sure?” He lifted an eyebrow. “It’s permanent.”

“Yeah? So?” I bounced on my toes. “You have one.”

“Several, actually.” He rubbed at his chin. “But I’m less likely to regret mine.”

“What?” I burst out in a laugh. “What kind of sexist logic is that?”

“It’s not sexist. It’s about the person you are.”

“And what kind of person am I?” I put my hands on my hips.

“Wow, if that’s not a loaded question.” He snorted. “Is there any way I can answer without finding myself in trouble?”

I grinned. “Probably not.”

He looked down, his upper lip hitched on the side. Our eyes latched on to each other. Fire scalded my airways, making it difficult to breathe. It was as though a break in the atmosphere waited for us to collide. My gaze drifted to his mouth. The bad-boy grin fell from his face, and turned serious, sparking the intensity between us. Neither of us moved, but the space between us tapered. He lifted his hand, slowly running his fingers over my ear, tucking my hair behind it. He let his hand slide, slowly trailing down the side of my neck. We watched each other. His fingers moved to my jawline, sliding back, his hand cupping my cheek.

“Who’s next?” A man stepped from behind the curtain, his voice gruff.

We both jumped, jerking away from each other. I swiveled around to see a six-foot, barrel-chested man in front of us, dressed in shorts and a white T-shirt. Did no one get the memo it’s winter?

“Hey, man, you’re back.” He nodded at Hunter. The man was bald and tattoos covered his arms, legs, neck, and half his scalp.

“Hey, Benji.” Hunter tilted his head back in acknowledgment. “This time it’s for her.”

“Really?” The man’s brown eyes ran up and down me with an assessing stare.

“Yeah, why?” My shoulders tightened defensively. “Let me guess? You don’t think I’m the tattoo type?”

“Honestly, no. But I’ve seen your type here before. Tipsy and feeling rebellious.” He shrugged. “Usually end up with a pretty butterfly or heart. But if you’ve got cash, then I don’t care if you get Donald Duck inked on your forehead.”

“Oh please, tell me that’s your next one.” I turned to Hunter.

He gave a throaty chuckle, something I rarely heard.

“You look too sweet to be with this guy.” Benji smirked, nodding to Hunter.

“Why does everyone keep saying that?” I threw up my arms. “I’m not sweet.”

“She’s really not.” Hunter shook his head.

I elbowed him in the ribs.

“Uffft.” He rubbed at his side. “See?”

Benji glanced between us, his forehead frowning like he was trying to figure something out.

“I knew no matter what I said, I’d get hit.” Hunter nudged me. “Go.”

I followed Benji into the back room. Two black leather chairs sat next to each other with a padded table and a recliner. The place had red brick walls along with cartoon-style art work with images of a grotesque Alice in Wonderland, death, Beetlejuice, and dogs from the underworld. They were cool, and kind of pretty, in a twisted way.

I handed him the design. “Not a butterfly or a heart.”

His mouth pinched, amusement hinting around his eyes. “Good choice.”

“I know,” I said. “And I won’t regret it. Life is too short, and I won’t waste mine on not being myself anymore.”

Benji considered us, his gaze jumping from me to Hunter. He nodded, as if something suddenly made sense.

He stenciled the design on my wrist. There were many cool places it could go, but I wanted to see it every day, be reminded of what I had gone through and where I was heading.

“You ready?” Benji was poised with the ink needle, humming with a high-pitched dentist drill sound.

I nodded. “Definitely.”

“I love it!” I looked down, my eyes wide. Only an hour later my forearm had an everlasting mark etched on it.

“Let me see?” Hunter tenderly cupped my arm, looking at it. “It fits you.”

It did. The solid black raven was inked in mid-flight. Intricate feathers shed off it, growing more and more detailed the farther they went up my arm and away from the bird. It symbolized letting go, casting off the past, the old me. Letting the real Jaymerson fly free.

Benji gave me instructions on taking care of it, wrapped it with cellophane, took my money, and sent me on my way.

“Good to see ya, man,” Benji said to Hunter. “Whenever you’re ready, I’ll finish the one on your shoulder.”

“Thanks.” Hunter ushered me out the door into the chilly night air. His hand pressed against my lower back.

“What one on your shoulder?”

Hunter’s hand dropped from me, stuffing them into his jacket pockets. We walked down the street, heading back toward the house.

“I eventually want to finish filling one in,” he said ambiguously.

“Why are you being evasive?”

“I’m not.” He kept his attention on the street, the cars driving by.

“Then tell me.”

“I got something…” I watched his profile, his head remaining forward. “To represent Colton.”

The name was like ice on the mood and conversation. The enormous elephant in the room came stomping back in, breaking all the good china.

I slipped my frozen hands into my pockets. We both continued down the street in silence. It grew more and more awkward. We neared the house where people sat on the deck. Spurts of laughter and murmured voices reached us.

I could sense the opportunity slipping by. If we didn’t talk now, we never would. “Okay, I can’t take this.” I suddenly stopped, almost tripping him. “Are we going to talk about it?”

He pressed his mouth together, looking at his feet.

In one gesture, my heart started to pound. I didn’t even know what I wanted him to say. I certainly wasn’t sure what I wanted, but I already sensed the goodbye on his lips. The rejection. Spikes of trepidation and sorrow stabbed at my heart. “Don’t worry about it.” My throat constricted. “It was a mistake. We can both forget it happened.”

“Jaymerson…we—”

“Seriously, Hunter.” I cut off any emotion from my voice. “It’s understandable. My therapist calls it transference or something like it. We’ve gone through a lot together. Emotions were high, and we got caught in the moment. It meant nothing.”

His eyes darted to mine, his nostrils flared, but he didn’t respond. His muteness hurt more than anything. He was silently agreeing, letting us—this—go without a fight.

“It certainly didn’t mean anything to me.” Anger stacked a barricade against him, shielding myself. “I used you because I was sad and missing Colton. I saw Colton in you that night. It was wrong, and I apologize.”

And it was a lie.

His face was emotionless. His dimple twitched, straining against his jaw. He watched the street, the sound of tires rolling over damp pavement echoed around us. Slushing and crunching.

“You know what I fear?” he said. “I’m afraid I will never break free from Colton’s shadow. I’m the brother who shouldn’t have lived.”

I’d hated when he told me this the night we kissed, that even his parents wished it had been him. How could anyone live under such a weight? It was crippling.

“I don’t agree.” I turned to him.

“You don’t wish Colton were still alive?”

“Of course I do!” I grabbed onto his jacket. “I want Colton alive more than anything. But it doesn’t mean I’m not grateful you lived. This choice wasn’t ours to make. He’s gone. It’s awful and horrible. But you can’t feel guilty for surviving. Do you think he would? Hell no. That wasn’t Colton’s style.”

He clenched his jaw.

“I’m glad you’re here,” I uttered quietly, dropping my arms. “With me.”

Hunter sucked in air. “Funny, those are words you probably never imagined saying, huh?” he mumbled.

“No,” I agreed. “But a lot has changed. I’ve changed.”

“And that’s the problem.”

“What do you mean?”

“Everyone wants us move on, but no one wants us to change.” He backed away from me, clearly ending our conversation. “I think we need to return…before you decide to get Donald Duck on your forehead.”

“It wouldn’t be Donald Duck.” I was quite aware he had avoided talking about our kiss, but I got the hint. Only friends.

“What would it be?” We aimed back for the house, his body language guarded.

“It would be Daffy Duck.”

“Now that would be cool.” We walked a little more. His phone buzzed in his pocket. He pulled it out, a slight frown creased his forehead. “I’ve got to go.”

“Where?”

He walked backward toward his truck. When Stevie and I drove up, I hadn’t noticed it a few cars down on the street. “If Doug or Jones ask, tell them I had to go. They’ll understand.”

“Oh. Okay.” Disappointment crept into my voice.

“You good?” He looked between me and the house.

“Yeah.” I snorted. “I have like twenty yards. I think I’m good.”

There was still a slight hesitation in his step, but the cell chirped again, and he took off for his truck.

Who is calling him? Where does he have to go in such a hurry?

I longed to have an answer to these questions, but at the same time knew it was better if I didn’t. The less I got involved with Hunter’s personal business, the better.

My heart had already been shattered by one Harris.

When I walked into my house, my mom sat at the table with a glass of wine, playing solitaire on her laptop. The TV was on in the living room, my dad asleep in the chair. Reece would have been down hours earlier. This was my parents’ cherished time to relax.

“Hey. You’re back earlier than I thought.” Mom glanced over at me.

“Yeah. Felt like coming home.” I took off my jacket, keeping my sweater pulled down my arms. I knew it was pointless to hide my ink from them forever, but I wasn’t in the mood to show them tonight.

Mom seemed to have some psychic intuition. Her gaze grew more concentrated. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing?”

“Jayme, you’re yanking at your sleeves and dancing around like a nervous chicken.”

Ugh. I was bad at hiding things from them. I didn’t have much experience in doing it before. Never needed to. I huffed and walked over to her. “Promise you won’t get mad?”

Immediately she became wary, her head slanting to the side. “Now I’m really curious. Spill, girl.” She leaned back in her chair, picking up her glass as if she knew she would need the wine soon.

I rolled my lips together, then exhaled, shoving the fabric of my sweater up my arm. I twisted it to face her.

“What is that?” Mom’s eyes widened as she stared at my wrist.

“A tattoo.”

“It better be a henna or temporary.” Her shoulders rose several inches.

“No. It’s real.”

She slammed down her wine glass, liquid spilling out the top onto the table. “Are you joking?” She stood up.

“No.” I planted my feet firmer underneath me.

“You went to a house party.” She blinked several times. “Tell me how you came back with a tattoo?”

“They were giving them as party favors.” She glared at my insolence. “What? The house was close to Main Street. I walked over there and got one.”

“Don’t get smart with me.” Her voice rose with the realization this was not a joke. “You got a tattoo? Why? They are permanent, Jaymerson.”

“I know.” My lids narrowed. “And I love it.” I turned and moved down the hallway for my room.

“I’m not done talking to you.” Mom trailed behind me, her voice straining against her vocal chords. “What the hell were you thinking?”

“For once I wasn’t.” I walked into my bedroom. “I’m tired of overthinking things.”

“Getting a tattoo is when you decide to stop thinking,” she exclaimed, standing in my doorway. “It’s forever, Jaymerson. Do you get that? They are painful and expensive to remove.”

“You’re acting like I’m going to want to.”

“You will,” she shouted. “You’re seventeen. This is going to be on your arm when you’re wrinkled and old. Is it going to still be awesome then?”

“Yes.” I swung around. “Because when I’m old and grey, I’m going to remember it was one time I let myself live.”

“Getting a tattoo is living?”

I stared at my mother. I loved her. We had always been close, but she had stopped seeing me. It was not her fault entirely. I had molded myself that way. No troubles, no surprises. Easy and simple. Dependable and good. That girl was slipping further and further away.

“What is all the yelling about?” My father came up behind my mom, rubbing his eyes.

“Your daughter…” Mom’s teeth pressed together. I always became my father’s daughter when I did anything out of character. “Has gotten a tattoo.”

“What?” My dad’s eyes widened. “Are you serious? Tell me she’s kidding, Jaymerson.”

Mom pointed at my ink, then folded her arms in a huff.

“What were you thinking?”

“Great. You too. Sorry, Dad. Mom’s beat you to the you’re going to regret it speech.”

He pushed past her, striding deeper into my room. “Do not give me lip, young lady. I want to know what possessed you to mark and mutilate your body.”

“Mutilate?” A laugh bolted out of my throat.

“Did Stevie talk you into this?” Mom asked.

“No. Of course not. She wasn’t even there.”

“What do you mean? Who were you with?” She tossed out her arms.

I paused a little too long.

“You were with him, weren’t you? Hunter,” Dad snarled his name. He began to pace the room. “Did he get you to do this? Because I know you wouldn’t have done it otherwise.”

“Don’t blame this on him. Hunter had nothing to do with it. He actually tried to talk me out of it.” Anger coated my tongue, tasting harsh. “I’m my own person. I can make my own decisions. Even if you don’t agree with them.”

“Not under my roof,” Dad hollered. “And for another month you are still under age.”

I stood staring at him with surprise and bewilderment.

Mom came to my bed. “We’re worried about you. You’re acting so out of character lately.”

I growled with frustration. They could sympathize, but they hadn’t gone through what I had, felt the moment life had left me, or the desperate need to really let myself live. No one understood but Hunter.

“Jesus, didn’t you do anything rebellious? Smoke pot? Cut school?”

“Those are not permanent.” Dad rubbed at his chin, his warning he was angry. “And we…” He motioned between himself and Mom. “Never had the luxury. We were too busy raising a baby and trying to earn enough to keep food on the table and you in diapers. We never got to be kids because we already had one.”

A knife full of guilt drove deep in my chest, and I took a step back with a sharp inhale. There it was…the unspoken topic. Why I always walked the straight and narrow.

“Noah,” Mom called my father’s name sharply.

Shame immediately crimped his features. “I-I didn’t mean that.”

“Yes, you did.” My chest rose and lowered in shallow movements. “Don’t you think I haven’t felt it all my life? What you guys could have done and been if you hadn’t had me?”

“No.” Mom shook her head feverishly. “There is not one moment we regret having you. You are the best thing that happened to us.”

“I was forced on you earlier than you wanted.” I stepped back away from them. “I get it, believe me. I couldn’t imagine having a baby at my age, but don’t lie to me. I was not the best thing. Not then.”

Mom and Dad both stayed quiet.

“I know you love me. I’ve never doubted it. But I also know, if you were to do it again, you wouldn’t.”

“That is not true,” Dad replied.

I tilted my head, Dad and I watched each other in some kind of standoff.

“Jaymerson, we don’t regret you for an instant. We love you more than anything. But if you want the brutal honestly, then you’re right, we would have waited. We were too young. It’s why we want better for you. Go to college and have all the chances we didn’t then.”

“You guys act like college is the answer to everything. Like if I go, life will be perfect. Sometimes I think you want me to go so badly so you can live vicariously through me. Have the college experience you never had.” I put my hands on my hips, readying myself for the response of my next statement. “I don’t even know if I want to go to college.”

Dad’s shoulders rolled back. “What?”

“I don’t know if I do or don’t. I’ve never asked myself. I basically did what you guys wanted me to do.”

“You. Are. Going. To. College,” Dad said, enunciating each word through gritted teeth.

“Jaymerson, what is going on?” Mom’s arms went fluttering again. “Now you don’t want to go?”

“I want to decide for myself. Maybe take an art class. Travel or something. I have no idea what I even want to do.”

“Art class? When did you become interested in art?” Dad threw up his arms. “What happened to medicine?”

“Nothing.” Irritation pressed my mouth together. “And I’ve always been interested in art. You never let me think an option existed outside of medicine and science.”

“Art is a hobby. What career is there in it?”

“I don’t know. I want to figure it out. Find what I really want to do.”

“That’s what you figure out in a university. Take an elective in art if you want, but you are going to college.” Dad folded his arms. Tension twitched the vein in his neck.

“Waste thousands of dollars you worked hard for, for me to figure it out? Basically, paying for me to drink, party, and have sex with random guys.”

Dad sucked in a sharp breath.

“Sorry, Dad. It’s going to happen. I’m almost eighteen. And just because you guys skipped over that part and went straight to family and a job doesn’t mean most kids aren’t doing those things.”

“I don’t know what’s gotten into you.” Dad almost panted with fury. “But this new attitude of yours is going to stop.”

“Because I’m actually sticking up for myself? Figuring myself out? I’m sorry if I’m not up to par, if everything I do isn’t something you want, but I’m tired of being the perfect daughter to keep you happy.”

“We only want you to be yourself,” Mom exclaimed.

“No, you don’t,” I barked back. “You want me to be the person you think I am. The girl before. The girl who would go to college, not get a tattoo or question what she wanted. Well, I’m no longer that girl, and I’m sorry if it’s what you want. I’m not going to feel guilty because you two didn’t use protection.”

My words went too far, I knew this, but I had kept my hurt for so long knowing I was a mistake.

It was like I punched them both in the face. Pain, distress, and anger flashed over their features.

“I can’t talk to you right now.” Dad’s voice was eerily calm. He was trying to reign in his temper. “And you’re grounded. Indefinitely. You are not allowed to see that boy. Ever,” he yelled and strode from the room. He slipped by Mom, who stood with her arms folded over her chest. She was quiet, the silence growing tense.

“This is not Hunter’s fault. I wish you guys would stop blaming him.”

She sighed heavily. “Jayme, we don’t want to see you hurt. You haven’t even mourned Colton. You just jumped from him to Hunter. It’s not healthy or right. You can’t blame us for worrying. Since you’ve been hanging out with him, you’ve been to jail and gotten a tattoo. It’s not like you.”

I glanced down at the wood planks. “Maybe it is,” I murmured.

Mom took another breath and nodded with defeat. “I’ll talk to your father, try to calm him down. But you are grounded for at least two weeks. During which you cannot see him. I want you to focus on yourself, get healthy again.” She turned, sadness riding her shoulders down. She closed my door softly behind her.

The moment she stepped from my room, tears pricked at my lids, warning me of their rush to my face. It was horrible to fight with my parents and cause them pain, but I could no longer be quiet. Unrestricted emotions attacked my body.

I grabbed onto my dresser to steady myself. All the trinkets and cutesy items decorating the surface, pictures of cheerleading, Colton, and sweet delicate pink boxes full of jewelry, felt like another jab at me, telling me who I should be: Step back into this role, Jaymerson. It would be easy and everyone will be happier.

Except me.

A cry wailed from my throat as I swiped all the items off of my dresser. With a crash, items clattered to the floor. Porcelain, glass, and ceramic items splintered into tiny pieces across the wood floor.

I fell back on my bed, curling in a ball. A few tears wiggled down my cheeks, but I bit the rest back. I could sense the turbulence underneath. Like I told Hunter, if I let go, really let in the grief, it would overtake me, pulling me down in the far depths.

What if I never came back?

Chapter Twenty-One

The first half of the holiday break passed with numb awareness. Christmas had always been my favorite holiday, but this year I struggled to feel the joy. I was grateful to be alive and have this time with my family, but sorrow trailed me like a shadow. My sister’s excitement was the only thing I indulged in, wanting her Christmas to be even more magical.

“Reece?” I wiggled my finger, motioning her to follow me. She was dressed in her Christmas Eve present: holiday-themed pajamas. Mom got us all a set. I smiled when I saw Dad open his Heat Miser flannel bottoms. This year I got Rudolph, and Reece got holiday Tinker Bell.

“What?” She stepped off her stool at the sink.

“Come with me. I have a surprise.”

She bolted from the bathroom. “What? What is it, JayJay?”

“You’ll have to wait and see.” I turned to my room, I had wanted to do it in hers, but there was no way to keep her out the length of time I needed.

She came into my room, inspecting it for a present or obvious surprise. “Sit here.” I motioned to the pillows and lantern on the floor.

“What’s that?” She pointed.

“Sit.” I went over and turned off the lights. She stiffened, still afraid of the dark. “Do you trust me?” I sat down next to her.

“Yes.” She cuddled into my side. I laid back and she followed. Then I flicked the lantern. The ceiling burst with white Christmas bulbs and dangling snowflake lights.

“Ohhh,” she cried.

I hit another remote and another light began to swirl around the ceiling, making it look like it was snowing. Lights glinted and sparkled. It was beautiful.

“It’s so pretty,” she whispered. “It’s magical.”

“It is.” I snuggled closer into her. “I love you, squirt.”

“I love you… to the moon and back,” she whispered, leaning her head on my shoulder.

“I love you to infinity and beyond.”

She tried to fight her sleepiness but soon succumbed. Her chest rose in even, peaceful beats.

“Reece?” Mom called from down the hall. “It’s past your bedtime. If you want Santa Cla—” Mom stopped, sounding like she was by Reece’s bedroom. “Reece, where did you go, baby?”

Soon after, my door opened, and Mom stepped in. I put a finger to my lips. Mom folded her arms, leaning her hip against the door, a warm smile covering her face. It only took her a few beats before she lay on the ground on the other side of Reece.

“So this is what you were doing all day,” Mom whispered. “It’s beautiful, Jayme.” We stared up, watching the lights dance around.

“What’s going on?” Dad came to my doorway then looked up. “Wow. This is incredible, JayJay.”

Things had been chilly between my parents and me since the tattoo incident. We hadn’t fought about it again, but they got snippy every time they saw it.

He walked in and lowered himself next to me. The four of us lay there, Reece’s soft breathing fluttering against my cheek.

Dad broke the silence. “You know there isn’t anything we wouldn’t do for you and your sister. It’s hard to let go; we want to keep you safe.”

“Yeah, I know.”

Mom reached over Reece and grabbed my hand. “We love you so much, Jayme.”

“I love you guys too.”

Dad grabbed my other hand. I looked down at the hand my dad was holding, the inked bird dancing across my forearm. It was like I could see another feather peeling away, flying free.

A smile grew on my mouth.

I squeezed both their hands. “Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas,” they replied in unison.

The rest of the vacation elapsed in a fog of holiday gatherings and hanging out with my family. Even when my parents lifted my grounding, I stayed close to home. Stevie and I saw each other a few times. I needed her to keep me sane. She was supposed to be ending her treatment after the holidays, but her mother talked the doctors into another month. I think it was a way of keeping Stevie home. I was grateful since I didn’t want her to leave.

Therapy, both physical and mental, closed for a week, so I only went twice during the vacation. And after the new year, one of my Monday sessions was temporarily moved to Tuesday, Hunter’s day, but he never showed up.

Not that I was watching the door or anything.

“Hello? Need a little help here.” Stevie groaned and tapped my leg with her heels. I whipped around, heat pinking my cheeks, hoping she wouldn’t notice my attention on every person who entered or moved near the entrance.

“Sorry.” I pushed her leg toward the ground. Today was lower abs and back strengthening exercises.

“Hoping for Tall, Dark, and Sexy to walk in?”

“No,” I responded. Too quickly.

“Uh-huh. Sure.” A knowing smile crept over her face. “Hey, I don’t blame you. The boy’s ass is definitely in my top favorites. I miss staring at it too.”

“All I hear is talking,” Justin called over.

Stevie rolled her eyes and kicked her legs up for me to thrust down. We did it a few more times before she let them flop on the mat, wiping the tiny bit of sweat off her forehead. “Whooo…think I’ve had enough for today. Your turn, Whiskey.”

“Wow. Five whole leg lifts.”

“Look who’s getting sassy.” Stevie’s eyebrow rose as she brushed her blonde hair off her face. Today it was dyed black underneath. She rolled to her feet, tightening her ponytail. “I am training you well, young apprentice. I approve of this new attitude.”

“You’re the only one.” I sat down on the mat, dreading this exercise. My injury extended into my lower back and my muscles along my spine always ached.

“Aww. Are school and the parents still struggling with the new-and-improved Jayme?”

“Struggling is a good way of putting it.” I lay back, kicking up my legs. I could already notice the strain in my back. “My parents have decided to ignore the tattoo. If they don’t acknowledge it, it’s not there. Mom keeps trying to urge me back into my cheerleading or trying out for volleyball, anything to get me involved again.”

“They’ll come around.” She lazily pushed at my legs, but it was enough for my jaw to clench down. Straining. “It’s an adjustment period for all of you.”

“Their secret hope is if they keep me away from Hunter, I will eventually forget and move on. Like he’s a shiny, new toy.”

“He would be fun to play with.” She winked, shoving my legs down faster this time. I grunted. “Actually, both of you would be.”

I rolled my eyes. “They have turned insanely protective lately. Like if they let me out the door, I will run to Hunter and turn to a life of crime. Mom calls me every five minutes. If I walk in the door a minute after what I said, she freaks out.”

Stevie snorted. “My mom basically threatened the doctor so he would say I needed another month in physical therapy to keep me at home with her.”

“I know they mean well, but I feel smothered.”

“What it sounds like to me is you need another night out.” Stevie propped her elbows on the souls of my feet, staring down at me, her eyebrows wiggling.

I groaned.

“It’s not a party this time.” She held up three fingers in a Girl Scout pledge. “I promise.”

“Were you even in the Girl Scouts?”

“Uh, for an hour. Then I was kicked out.”

I lifted my eyebrows.

“Long story, but you’re getting off the point. You are coming with me next Friday.”

“If my parents let me.”

“They can’t say no because you’re with me. Not Hunter. They want you to be social again. Well, it’s what we will do. I know of the perfect event.”

“They want me socializing under their terms.” I folded my legs, placing them back on the ground.

“They don’t need to know what we’re doing.” She curled down next to me on the mat.

“What are we doing?”

A mischievous smile grew over her face. “You’ll see.”

“Stevie!” Justin’s voice soared over to us. “Get over here. Squat and weights time.” He stood with his hands on his hips, his huge chest and legs making him look like a linebacker, ready to plow us down instead of train our fragile bodies.

Stevie’s mouth twisted in a frown, but she clambered back to her feet, heading for Justin.

“Oh, and dress warm,” she said over her shoulder.

“Dress warm? You don’t like the outdoors. What are we doing?”

“Jaymerson, I see the mouth moving but not the legs.” Justin wiggled his fingers like scissors. “Give me another five sets of ten and then grab the band and do ten more.”

Stevie smiled and winked. I knew whatever she had planned might entail me ending up in jail again.

And I couldn’t wait.

Chapter Twenty-Two

School started again, but Hunter was rarely there, or at least not in fifth period. When I did see him in the hall, he was usually on the phone or texting, his brows furrowed. Many times I saw him, Megan, and Jones take off in the middle of the day. Dark circles ringed his eyes, and he was constantly rubbing his face and sighing.

What is he involved in? Is he in trouble? My instinct was to go to him, to see if he needed help, needed me. But I took all those emotions and shoved them down deep. You can’t help someone who doesn’t want it.

Before getting to know him better, I was sure he was dealing drugs or something else illegal. There were countless times he called Colton or Colton cancelled on me because of Hunter. A perpetual need to be bailed out of trouble. He told me he didn’t take drugs, but it didn’t mean he wasn’t selling them. Something was definitely going on with him. Everyone had a dark side. I just didn’t know how deep his went.

Did it scare me? Yes. Did it cause me to not want to be in his life? Not at all. I missed him. Not to fill the gap Colton left or because we had been through this horrible ordeal together, but him. He made me feel alive in a way I’d never experienced.

I had been happy with Colton. Content in our little world. I had loved him, but you couldn’t base a relationship off one amazing night. All you did was spend the rest of the time trying to re-create it, hoping you’d have the same connection again.

I couldn’t tell the difference before between loving Colton as a boyfriend and loving him as a friend. Hunter was different. He inflicted a deep passion that was almost consuming. Seeing him spurred my heart and locked my breath in my throat. When he did show up to class, I could sense him behind me. His presence tingled my skin till it was so sensitive I could hardly move.

But some things weren’t meant to be. I had learned life wasn’t fair. It was how you handled the mess and moved on. Sometimes you needed to let it rain on you, let the pieces fall where they wanted.

I went back to spending my lunch breaks between the library and the science lab. Mr. Fredrick, my science teacher, became accustomed to having me there with him. He even started letting me do research for him on a theory he was trying to prove.

Even though I was back to a routine, my outlook was different this time. I tried to listen to my inner voice and do what I wanted to do. Somedays I would cut a class and sit out at the bleachers. Other days I would be in the library, looking at art books or learning more for Mr. Fredrick. I pushed all the bullshit of school drama in the background and instantly felt lighter.

I was thrilled when Friday came. Stevie had been texting me all day with cryptic hints like:

Dark clothes.

Gloves. Black.

Comfy shoes. Black.

Flashlight.

Finally I texted her back. Either we are becoming cat burglars or you are taking me to some beatnik poetry night without electricity.

My phone buzzed. Beatnik poetry is only fun when everyone is nude. Trust me. Knowing Stevie, she was probably speaking from experience.

I got another text. Oh, and you’re staying at my place tonight. Since I can’t be with you tomorrow, we’ll have a little pre-birthday slumber party.

Saturday was my birthday, but with one friend—who had to go to her cousin’s wedding—it didn’t seem all that exciting. I would be eighteen. A ping hit my heart with the realization I had caught up to Colton. As I continued to celebrate birthdays, he would forever be eighteen. Frozen in time.

Colton’s memorial was going to be held in early spring, when the ground thawed, and it was a better time to have a commemorative celebration. It felt as hollow to me now as it did when it was first planned.

I had been thinking about him a lot. Last year around this time we had gotten back together. I had the memory of him taking my hand in the hallway for the first time since our breakup, confirming to everyone I was his girl. I remembered thinking he was it. We were in it for the long haul. How lucky I was.

Life had its own ideas, taking turns and dives you never dreamed of happening. Less than a year later, Colton was dead, I came out of a coma and learned to walk again, lost all my friends, was off the squad, had gotten into fights, been in jail, acquired a tattoo, and was now fighting feelings for his twin brother.

I put my face in my palms.

Jesus, you are a walking soap opera, Jaymerson.

When Stevie picked me up, Mom was still hounding me with questions.

“You’re staying at Stevie’s tonight?” She folded her arms with apprehension, watching me put on my coat.

“Yes.”

“Her mother’s going to be there?”

“Yes, Mom.”

“You have your cell phone on you?”

“Don’t I always?” I zipped up my grey, puffy winter coat, grabbing a beanie and slipping it on my head. “Mom, relax. Why is this different from any other night I go out?”

She frowned, letting her shoulders drop. “I’m sorry. I’m being nutty, huh?”

“Kinda.” I squeezed her arm.

“Oh god.” She leaned her head into her hand. “I’m turning into my mother.”

I snorted. “Grandma Penny? She’s not a worrywart. She’d be telling me to go out and sow those wild oats.”

“She wasn’t always that way,” Mom scoffed. “The woman you know now is not the one I grew up with.”

“Grandma Penny was uptight?”

“Are you saying I’m uptight?” Mom teased.

“Uh. No.”

“She was pretty strict when I was young. She changed after Grandpa’s death. Instead of turning into a sad, mourning widow, she decided to take life by the horns and ride the bull. I think that’s how she phrased it.”

And she had. She had travelled the world with her bunco group, bungee jumped, skydived, and took a painting class in Italy. She was my role model. After losing her love, she didn’t sit on the sofa or follow any mourning guidelines. She jumped into life with no life preserver. She inspired me to leap with her.

A sharp knock on the front door interrupted us. I hooked my overnight bag on my shoulder and leaned over, giving my mom a quick hug. “See you tomorrow, Mom. Love you.”

“Okay. Be safe. And happy early birthday.” She touched my face as I leaned back. “Have fun. I know I worry, but I do want you to have a great time.”

“Thanks, Mom.” I swung around, opening the door.

“Hey, Mrs. Holloway.” Stevie waved.

“Please, Stevie, call me Amy. Mrs. Holloway is my mother-in-law.” Her lips hitched up in exasperation.

I looked back at Stevie. “Think her expression says it all. Let’s go.”

“Have fun, girls.” Mom motioned from the door.

“We will. Don’t worry, I’ve got her back. I’ll protect it with my life.” Stevie walked backward, tripping over a flower bed. “Oh crap.”

“Now I’m even more afraid.” Mom shook her head with a chuckle.

We gave our last goodbyes and got into her car.

“Okay, what adventure is in store for us tonight?” I rubbed my hands together with excitement.

“Flashlight?”

“Check.” I pulled it out.

“Ski hat?”

“Check.”

“Passport in case we need to run?”

“What?”

Stevie grinned, putting the car in reverse. “The more time you hang out with me the more you will realize I’m really not kidding.”

Stevie pulled the car into a large, open lot twenty minutes from town. The suburbs had given way to fields and farms. Only an occasional streetlight dotted the road. Gravel crunched under wheels as she parked the car next to a row of other cars. Thirty or more people mulled around a red barn with an old sign displaying “Pumpkin Farm and Corn Maze” on it.

“Okay, you have me thoroughly confused.” I tried to see through the dark. One lamp on the barn bled over into the lot, giving the place an eerie glow. “And a little creeped out. You brought me here to kill me, huh? Children of the Corn style.”

Stevie grabbed her black ski hat and pulled it over her black-and-blonde hair. “Trust me. You will love it.”

I popped open the door, getting out. Her lips held a mischievous smile as she locked the car and proceeded toward the group. “Now I’m terrified.” I pointed at her expression, walking next to her.

We inched closer to the group huddled around the barn against the cold. Everyone was dressed in shades of black or dark grey, making it hard to differentiate between them.

Stevie turned to me and grabbed my hands. “Just don’t murder me. I’m too pretty to die by brats in Amish clothing.”

My stomach dipped. “What are you talking about?”

She turned me forward and my eyes landed immediately on the source of her worry.

“I’m going to kill you,” I muttered to her, my gaze never breaking from the figure across from me, talking to his friends—Doug, Jones, Megan…and Sunny.

“Did you know he was going to be here?” I asked.

“Yes. I learned about this from him.”

“Stevie,” I exclaimed, turning to face her.

“I know. I’m sorry…okay, that’s kind of a lie. I’m not.”

“How am I supposed to move beyond Colton, beyond Hunter, if you keep bringing me around him?” I hissed.

“I think you have this all wrong.”

“What do you mean?”

“I think you have moved on from Colton, which may be the problem.” She held up her hand, blocking my protest. “Of course you miss him. You always will. Your problem is you are afraid to let go of him. To be okay being with another and you feel guilty about wanting to.”

I shook my head. “I’m not ready to meet someone else.”

“Because you already have.” She clutched my arms, forcing me to not turn away. “I’ve seen you two together. The fact he’s Colton’s twin is awful luck. But look beyond his dashing, panty-dropping good looks and unfortunate family ties.” She winked playfully. “Are you happy around Hunter? Do you laugh? Do you miss him when he’s not around?”

I gulped and looked down at my shoes.

“The situation sucks, but life is messy, babe. Don’t cut yourself off from something because you are afraid or worried what other people think. You like this guy, I can tell. It just happens to be Colton’s brother.” She squeezed my hands. “I never knew you with Colton, but even the way you talk about him sounds more like a friend. You should see how you come alive when Hunter is near.”

I took a deep breath, lifting my head.

“Want to kill me a little less?”

“Maybe. Only a little less.” She grinned, causing me to laugh. “Jeez, girl, you could sell ice to an Eskimo. I should hire you to be my therapist.”

“Ugh, no. Listening to other people whine all day? I only want to hear myself... and occasionally you.”

“Wow, thanks.”

“What are friends for?” She shrugged. “Now let’s go have some fun.” She grabbed my arm and tugged me into the group.

“Stevie. You made it.” A tall, lean girl with long, silky brown hair, olive skin, and dark eyes waved at her. She was gorgeous.

“Wow. Is that Pocahontas?” I muttered.

“Yep.” Stevie fluttered her eyes dreamily. “Hot, isn’t she?”

“And she likes you?”

Stevie jabbed her hip into mine, and I chuckled.

“Hey, girl.” Stevie went over to her, giving her a hug. As they talked, the side of my face began to prickle. I swiveled my head to see Hunter staring at me. My stomach plunged, reminding me of slipping down a huge waterslide. Fun, exhilarating, but terrifying. I lifted my hand in greeting.

He dipped his head in acknowledgment, his eyes never leaving me. It was cold enough to snow, but my body blistered with heat. The jacket clung to my frame, suffocating me. Oh crap. I’m so in trouble.

“Hello, everyone! Most of you know me, but to the newbies, I’m Will.” A guy broke my gaze from Hunter, pulling it to a large hay cart on the side of the barn. He looked to be in his early twenties and dressed in all black like the rest of us. He pitched himself on top the railing of the cart for everyone to see him clearly. “Welcome to our fourth annual flashlight tag-scavenger hunt.” A round of cheers erupted from the group. “As many of you know, this is secret and we change locations each time because the cops do not like us having any fun.” The crowd booed. “This year the hunt is taking place in the maze. The object you are searching for is a key, the prize is in what the key opens.” I could feel the excitement building in the air, bustling through me, and I bounced on my toes with anticipation.

“See, what did I tell you?” Stevie leaned over to me. “This is going to be fun.”

I nodded eagerly.

“Okay, now for the rules.” Groans flowed over the gathering. “I know. I know. But they are simple enough. First, there are two on each team. Second, each one of you has to wear a light-sensing monitor.” Will pointed down to two guys holding boxes. “If it goes off, you are out. No exceptions. Perry here is a computer genius and is tracking all the monitors. So, no cheating. Other than that, let’s have fun!” Cheers burst up, creating an eagerness through the throng. “Okay, everyone pair up. We will begin in five minutes.” Will jumped down from the cart, and the crowd moved with intention and excitement.

“Stevie.” Pocahontas grabbed her arm. “You have to be with me.”

Stevie’s gaze darted over her shoulder to me. “Oh, I can’t.”

“No. Go ahead.” I waved at them.

Stevie’s mouth thinned into a line. Then she looked behind me. I instantly sensed what she was planning. The moment felt like someone pushed the slow-motion button on me but sped everything else up. My mouth opened to stop her.

“Hunter!” Stevie yelled. “Partner up with my girl, will ya? You know how much I hate physical activity. Well, not all.” She gave Pocahontas a wink.

Ohgodohgodohgod. My cheeks scorched with heat as I stood immobile with my mouth partway open. I felt him come up behind me, like his body had minuscule feelers skating over my skin.

“You got her back?” Stevie’s gaze drifted over my shoulder at the form behind. “Because you know I will hurt you if you don’t. You know how much I hate getting dirty or having blood on my clothes, but for her I will.”

“Think I can handle it.” His husky voice vibrated through me, knocking around in my chest.

Stevie grinned, leaning into my ear. “If the running and exertion doesn’t end me first, you have free reign to kill me later.”

“I will take you up on that.” I kept my voice even. She gave me a poignant look before turning to her warrior princess.

I stared after her, chagrin holding my feet in place.

“Jaymerson?” He said my name and my lids shut briefly.

“Yes?”

“Are you going to turn around?”

“Probably not.”

His hands slid down my shoulders, clutched my biceps and spun me around to face him. Hunter’s eyebrows arched up to his black beanie in question.

“I could claim temporary insanity if I killed her, right?”

Hunter snorted. “Anyone who knows her would get behind you.”

I felt myself relax under his hold, but he quickly dropped his hands from me, looking away. “She is definitely not subtle.”

I laughed. “No. She’s not. But it’s why I love her. I need some non-bullshit in my life.”

Hunter lips twisted in a smirk, shaking his head slightly, picking up on the pointed meaning of my words.

Stevie and Pocahontas stood next to me. Jones and Doug were on the other side of Hunter. Megan and Sunny were in front of us. Sunny kept looking over her shoulder shooting me dirty looks. She clearly was not happy with Hunter’s choice of partner. Not that he had much of a choice... damn Stevie.

“All right, everyone. Come grab your monitors.” Will beckoned us over. Pairs of people went up, getting an assigned monitor. The computer savvy Perry was linking our monitors to his laptop. We got ours and moved to the opening of the maze. I pulled my flashlight out of my pocket.

“You ready?” Hunter fished his out.

“Yep.” I nodded a huge grin taking over my face. “Let’s do this.”

Hunter’s gaze darted over my face, scouring it intensely, his eyes glinting.

I was relieved when I heard Will yell out. “Okay, five, four, three, two, one... GO!”

People darted in all directions, like shopping on Black Friday when the doors first open. Hunter grabbed my arm and took a sharp turn, slipping us down a narrow path, away from the swarm.

My feet and heart pounded the frozen earth, fleeing the danger of open space. Thrill fluttered through every inch of me. Watching Hunter slowly jog in front of me turned the flutter into a tizzy of beating wings in my stomach.

I could say I was mad at Stevie, but I wasn’t that good of a liar.

Hunter and I moved through the maze, quickly getting to know each other’s signals without talking. The maze was huge and the key was tiny. The chances of any of us finding it were slim. But it wasn’t about the prize; it was all about the hunt.

We snuck down a long lane, the dried cornstalks frozen in fragile sticks. Hunter suddenly stopped, and I halted my own feet instantly.

“Shhh.” He glanced over to me, putting a finger to his lips.

I nodded, hearing the low-speaking voices and rustling of feet. We tiptoed to the edge of the hedge. He motioned for me to get behind him as he peered around the corner. Hunter’s head jerked back, hiding behind the shrubbery, his arm pushing me farther into the bush.

Sounds of gravel broke underfoot and moved closer. A girl’s voice murmured. Another girl’s, deeper sounding, responded. I could sense them progressing in our direction, choosing our path instead of the other.

Crap. Hunter looked over his shoulder, his head flicking up, preparing me for the attack. I nibbled on my lower lip, my finger rubbing over the on button of the flashlight.

A ray of light shot across the ground from a different angle than the pair coming our way. “Got you,” a guy yelled, his voice emanating from another path, directed on the other pair. I realized quickly we were well hidden. He couldn’t see us. Yet.

Hunter swiftly turned, grabbed my hips, and shuffled us deep into the shadowy corner, driving me firmly into the stalks, his body pressed against mine. He tucked his head down, his breath trickling down my neck.

“No, you didn’t get me,” a familiar girl’s voice yelled back. Sunny. Anxiety immediately bolted through my veins. If she saw us like this? Not pretty. “My monitor didn’t go off.”

“Dude. I totally got you.” I knew immediately it was Jones.

“No, you didn’t, and you’re not going to. You can’t even beat me at Wii,” Megan jeered back.

A snicker escaped Hunter, his head slightly shaking. It made me believe this might have been a running competition between the two of them.

“Are you seriously dissing me right now? You won once.” Irritation sang through Jones’s words.

“Four times,” Megan replied. “But come on, Jonesy, let’s see if you can now.”

Strobes of light, feet pounding the gravel, and shouts circled around us. Doug let out a battle cry as both he and Jones ran into our area.

Hunter’s form pushed harder into mine, shielding me completely from view, dissolving us into the shadows. I held my breath as the commotion stirred, coming around us. Hunter’s finger’s dug into my hips, holding us still.

Even with everything going on, I was highly aware of our aligned bodies. My chest pressed to his ribs. The feel of his muscles and taut physique smashed into every inch of mine, stabbing a dozen shrub branches into my back, through my jacket. I lowered my lids, my pulse thumping in my ears, oxygen locked up tight. It was exquisite torture.

“Come on, Megan,” Sunny shouted, forcing my eyes to flare open. Pairs of feet hit the ground, driving away from the area.

“Cowards!” Doug and Jones gave chase, advancing past us.

We both held still for another few moments, our shallow breaths in sync. Twisting his neck, Hunter looked over his shoulder.

“Are they gone?” I whispered.

He snapped back to me, his finger came to my mouth, hushing me, then gazed back over his shoulder. I went still. Heat raced up my back, flooding over my shoulders and up my neck. He dropped his arm, his hand slipping slowly over my lips. I sucked in a breath, my heartbeat faltered, rushing blood through my system.

He took another moment, his head cocked, listening for any sounds, then turned back to me. “I think they’re gone,” he whispered, his mouth barely a few inches from mine. “We’re clear to go.” He didn’t move away. Tension expanded in the air around us. Growing. Poking at us, reminding me of the night we kissed. The nearness of our bodies became the only thing I could think about or feel.

We should move away from each other.

Neither of us did. His gaze dropped down to my mouth.

Thoughts stopped.

The world stopped.

Ever so slightly he leaned forward, diminishing the gap between. My head tilted up, not wanting to stop what was coming. His breath tickled my lips, my lids fluttering closed. His lips lightly grazed mine.

The crunch of gravel sounded behind us, snapping our heads away from each other. Hunter went rigid, his back straightening, his head tipping to listen. Footsteps bordered the end of the hedge, nearing us. Hunter’s eyes went to mine, his forehead crinkling in a worried expression.

“Let’s go that way, the far passage,” said a man’s voice I didn’t recognize. Of course, it was the exact passage we were near. There was no way we wouldn’t be seen this time.

Hunter clenched his hands firmer around my waist. I tipped slightly to the side, seeing two outlines heading our way. Hunter’s fingers squeezed me again, trying to get my attention. I met his gaze, his face set with determination. He flicked his head slightly to the oncoming enemies.

We would attack.

Every step brought them closer to us. Any second they would discover us. I drew my flashlight up, keeping it hidden between Hunter and me. My finger hovering over the on switch while my eyes locked on Hunter’s, trying to convey what I was planning.

He seemed to understand because a grin hitched the side of his face. “On three,” he mouthed to me.

I nodded.

One.

Two.

Three.

He then twisted his upper half sharply to the side, out of my way. At the same time, my thumb rammed at the button shooting light from my torch.

“Tag!” The beam of light hit the girl’s chest, dinging her monitor. “Tag!” I slid it over to her male partner, doing the same. Both were out.

“Dammit,” she cried out, stomping her foot. She was a gorgeous, leggy blonde. Even bundled in a beanie, scarf, and puffy jacket she looked stylish. Her skintight jeans and thin-heeled boots were not necessarily suitable for running around playing flashlight tag at night, but she didn’t look like the kind who dressed for comfort.

The man swore, throwing down his flashlight, breaking the top off, the batteries spilling out. Someone has a temper. He was shorter than her, and not at all attractive with his small brown eyes, round face, and pug nose. He had an air about him. You could see it by the way he pinned back his shoulders, held his head, and puffed his chest out so far he might topple over. He was trying extra hard to convey to people he was the shit. He strutted around the space, kicking dirt up.

“It had to be you.” The guy motioned to Hunter.

A huge smile broke over Hunter’s face. “Bet it stings, huh, Zack? Can’t even beat me here.”

“Just wait.” Zack pointed at him, his chest puffing up. “I won’t go easy on you because of the accident.”

“There’ll be no need. You’ll still only see the back of my head.” Hunter cocked his eyebrow up. His demeanor was always self-assured. Not arrogant, but matter of fact, as if he knew something the rest of us didn’t. Colton and his guy friends were always goading, taunting, and trying to outdo each other in everything. Hunter never gave that impression, even if his words were saying it.

Zack rubbed the back of his neck, mumbling under his breath.

“Come on, Zack.” The girl sighed, brushing her long, silky hair off her shoulders. “At least now we can go get a drink and slip into the backseat of your car.”

That seemed to pacify Zack’s tantrum. “Yeah. You actually did me a favor,” Zack said to Hunter, grabbing the back of the girl’s neck, steering her away like a pet. The possessive ownership turned my stomach. But her brown eyes glinted at his touch, letting him lead her. Zack stuck his finger at Hunter. “Expect a different outcome this weekend.” Zack and the blonde strolled down the path heading for the exit, his hand moved to her ass.

“What a douchebag.” The words fell out of my mouth before I even thought.

A snorted laugh came from Hunter. “Yeah, you could say that.”

“What was he talking about? About not going easy on you?”

Hunter frowned in the direction Zack disappeared. “Everything with Zack is a competition. Ignore him.” He didn’t actually answer my question, but I didn’t pressure him to explain. Hunter was secretive, unlike Colton, who had been an open book.

Silence expanded between us. We shouldn’t have been partners. Being near each other was asking for trouble.

Hunter cleared his throat, glancing around. “Let’s get out of here.”

“Which way?” The moment the question came out, loud pounding feet and a cry from the path where we were headed came hurtling our way.

“I see you, Whiskey,” Stevie’s familiar voice sang down the lane. A spray of light, flickered at our toes. I jumped away from the light with a chirp of alarm.

Hunter instinctively grabbed for my hand, swiveling us around, and we ran down another path. Adrenaline blasted into my legs so I didn’t experience any pain or stiffness. I still hobbled a little, but Hunter’s limp was a lot more noticeable. I glanced over my shoulder as we escaped. Stevie had stopped, bending over her legs.

“Damn all this running,” Stevie gasped. Her girlfriend patted her back. “Who voluntarily does this?”

I giggled. I loved that girl.

“They got away,” I heard Pocahontas say to her.

“Oh. Good. Does it mean I can stop running now?”

“You ran two feet,” her partner responded dryly.

“Yeah. Whew. I’m exhausted.”

The grin on my face only grew and turned into exhilaration as Hunter and I escaped again. I had never felt so free. So happy.

“This way.” He took a severe curve, getting us away from them. The lane was empty and dark, but we could hear voices and yells of other teams close by. With our hands still locked we went down the trail, coming to a three-way fork. He slowed his pace, both of us out of breath. Yells from behind jolted us again. I yanked his arm, taking us down the path closest to me.

His bad leg was not ready for my change of direction. “Shit!” He pitched forward, his feet tangling with mine, tripping us. I yelped as he hit my back and both of us went down in heap of arms and legs. The impact of his body dropped me hard, skating my face and hands over the rocks. He stumbled over me, trying not to fully fall on me. His face planted over my shoulder, half of his frame covering mine.

We both lay there for a moment. I lifted my head to look at him. “Are you okay?”

He twisted his head to look at me. “Damn. That hurt.” A slight smile played on his mouth. He rolled off me onto his back. “You don’t provide a lot of cushion there, girl.”

“Then next time I recommend you being on bottom.” I instantly bit my lip. The blatant sexual insinuation hung in the air.

Hunter stared at me. Slowly a bad-boy grin hinted along his mouth. “Take turns?”

We watched each other.

I burst out laughing. Nerves and humor at the entire situation surged from deep inside, inducing the kind of laughter which hurts your stomach and pulls tears from your eyes. Hunter’s chuckles joined mine. The two of us sprawled out, giggling till we couldn’t breathe. When our laughter turned to spotted gasps of air I heard him call me.

“Jayme?” He rolled over to his side, flicking his chin to the hedge in front of us. “Look.”

I picked up my head, glancing to where he pointed. There on a bush across from us hung a key.

“Are you kidding me?” I exclaimed, guffawing at the luck of our fluke plunge.

“Seriously.” Hunter shook his head, rolling up. “That’s a little strange.”

“Freaky.” I pushed myself to sit, groaning as my body responded to the fall. “Damn, we went down hard.”

He nodded. I wiped at the tears dampening my face with my knuckles. Dirt covered my hands, and I rubbed my palms together, dropping embedded pebbles from my palms.

“You’re bleeding.” He reached out touching my cheek, then quickly let his hand drop.

“So are you.” I pointed at his forehead.

“War wound.” He grinned. My mouth responding in kind. He pushed himself to his feet and held out his hand, helping me to mine. “Come on. Let’s grab the key and claim our prize.”

I stared at him with a huge impish smile.

“What?” He eyed me curiously.

“You have gravel up your nose.”

Chapter Twenty-Three

Our prize ended up being a car trunk full of beer, various bottled cocktails, and a few sodas, which we shared with the whole group in the parking lot.

“See, wasn’t I right?” Stevie threw her arm around my shoulders, coming up to Hunter and me. “Pairing you two up? You work well together. Like two fine-assed ninjas.”

I shot her a warning look. She winked back.

“Think it was more gravity than our ninja skills.” Hunter chuckled, playing with the wilted label on his beer someone forced in his hand. He had yet to take one sip from it. It was more like a prop to him. Something to hold. Drinking and driving wasn’t even a fleeting thought to us anymore. We had been forced to learn that lesson painfully.

The light from the barn lit the side of his face that was scratched up. The incident of our tumble flashed in my mind. As if I were a marionette being controlled, my lips tugged at the corners of my mouth, instantly covering my face in an enormous grin, until a snicker escaped. Hunter caught my gaze, his eyes glinting with the shared joke. Lightning crackled up my spine. I looked down at my feet nudging at a rock.

“Yeah, what did happen?” Stevie motioned between our scratched faces, with one eyebrow curved. “Things tend to get really physical when you two are left alone together.”

Shut up, my eyes conveyed to her. I didn’t want him to know I told Stevie about the night we made out on the floor of the physical therapy room.

Instead of getting weird, Hunter laughed, nodding his head. “It seems so.”

“Where is your girl?” I asked Stevie, wanting to distract her from the topic of Hunter and me.

Stevie looked over her shoulder, shrugging. “Not sure.”

“Uh-oh. Trouble in paradise already?”

“It’s why I don’t bother learning their names.” She nudged me with her hip, dropping her arm from me. “She’s too sweet, not experimental enough. She only likes girls.” Stevie winked, tapping both mine and Hunter’s butts. “And with asses like his, I can’t leave out either. It would be too selfish and cruel of me. You good here for a bit?” She took a few steps away from us.

“Good.”

“Awesome because I already have my eye on Tarzan over there.” I loved instead of learning their names she had Disney nicknames for them.

I looked at the bonfire to see a tall guy with broad shoulders and long brown hair, which waved past his shoulders. Very fit. “Nice ass.” I gave her a thumbs up.

“I know.” She nibbled on her bottom lip and smiled mischievously, then lifted an eyebrow in seriousness. “I promise I will not drink, leave, or abandon you. Friends first. And if you want to go, let me know.” When she saw me nod, she turned to Hunter. “You take care of my girl till I get back.”

“Of course.” Hunter tipped his bottle at her.

She twirled around, sashaying up to her new conquest.

“I feel bad for him,” I sniggered.

“Don’t.” Hunter leaned back into the car, propping his leg on the bumper. “She might have met her match. I know him. Chris is a serious player. At least a girl a night with him.”

“Then they’ll both be fighting to escape through the door first tomorrow morning.”

“Try the car door in forty minutes.” Hunter smirked, and I laughed. He was probably far more accurate.

“Hey, sexy.” Sunny came up from behind me. At the sound of her voice, my spine seemed to grow spikes. Jayme, he’s allowed to talk to anyone he likes. You are only friends. Why was I getting jealous? I never got jealous with girls flirting with Colton. And they did. All the time.

“Hey,” Hunter responded neutrally.

She didn’t even look my way as she sidled up next to Hunter against the car, a beer in one hand, a cigarette in the other. “You haven’t been around much.”

“Nope.” Again, I couldn’t pick up on what he was feeling. He wasn’t inviting conversation, but he also didn’t sound put out either.

“You gonna be around later tonight? I’d love see you.” Her voice went low and full of intention.

“Not sure.” He shrugged, his gaze going over my head.

Muscles along my jaw clenched. Hello? Was I even here?

Sunny looked over at me and her head bobbed. “Ah, got it.” She shuffled her foot over the gravel, taking a drag of her smoke.

Hunter stayed silent, not meeting my gaze.

I wanted her to go, which made me want to go. Run, Jaymerson. You know it’s for the best. I took a step back. Hunter’s eyes darted to me.

“Where are you going?”

“I think I’m gonna go find Stevie.” I pointed over my shoulder.

“Thought she put me in charge of you tonight?”

My eyebrow curved up. “Are you saying I need a babysitter?”

“Definitely.” A barely-there grin crept up his mouth.

“You should talk.” I teased back, motioning toward his face. Cuts and grazes covered one side of his face.

“You should see yours.” He used his beer bottle to point at my face.

Out of the corner of my eye I could see Sunny watching us, her face hard. She flicked the ashes of her cigarette on the ground with a snap of her wrist.

“We should probably clean the one on your cheek, looks kind of deep.” He dropped his foot from the car bumper. “I have a first-aid kit in my truck.”

I reached up and touched the cut on my cheek and cringed. Dried blood and gravel coated the wound.

“Don’t want it to get infected.” Hunter tipped forward, peeling his body off the car and standing straight. He set down the full beer on the bumper. “Truck’s down there.” He turned toward the end of the lot and glanced back at Sunny. “See you later.”

She flicked her smoke again and looked away. “Yeah. Later.” She did not sound happy.

I spun around and followed Hunter. We walked silently together to his car. I desperately wanted to know how he felt about Sunny, if he would be seeing her later. But I would never ask.

When we got to Hunter’s truck, he opened the passenger door, where he pulled a box from the glove compartment and unlatched it, grabbing a packet of disinfectant wipes. Struggling to open it, he put the corner of it between his teeth and ripped it, spitting out the top.

My hand automatically went to grasp it from him, but he ducked it out of my way.

“Let me do it. You can’t see.” He stepped in closer, his fingers tapping at my jawline, tilting my head back. My gaze landed on him. He was so close I couldn’t focus on him. I gazed over his shoulder, staring at the cloudy night sky, watching my breath vapor in the crisp air.

The cool cloth touched my cut, and I flinched. “Sorry,” he whispered, his brows creasing.

“It’s okay,” I replied, then smiled. “You’d think I’d be able to handle a little cut, especially after what we went through.”

His lips pressed together as he continued to clean my cut. One hand gripped my jaw, to hold my head in place. “It’s because we’re not expecting such a small thing to cause so much pain.” His attention shifted to my eyes, then back on my cut. His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed. His words could have meant nothing, but my stomach still rolled with nerves. Tense energy gathered like a dust storm in my chest. Through my lashes, I watched him. His blue eyes held such intensity and depth.

“You are different from what I thought,” my voice came out soft.

“Really? How so?” I could hear a slight mocking to his words.

“Why do you let people believe those things about you?”

“What things?”

“You’re going to force me say it, aren’t you?” My lids narrowed. “Fine. All the things you’ve heard me say about you: failure, druggie, stupid, bad boy, has a baby…” This was the biggest rumor of all. I’d tried to hint about it to Colton a couple of times, but he had steered the topic away, and I didn’t feel right bluntly asking.

“How do you know they’re not true?” He stopped cleaning my wound and stared down on me.

My throat constricted, struggling to swallow. “Because I know.”

“You don’t.”

“Are you sure?” I challenged, not sure where the sudden brazenness came from. His eyes locked on me, examining. The moment became intimate. Terrifying. A hint of emotion flashed over his face but disappeared quickly, making me question if I even saw it.

His phone buzzed, shattering the tense moment.

His gaze dropped away from mine as he plucked his cell out of his pocket, looked at his message, and shoved it back into his pocket. The boy was constantly being texted. By who? For what? I had no idea.

He leaned past me, grabbing a small butterfly bandage from the kit and placed it gently on my cheek.

“There,” he breathed out, taking a step back.

“Thank you.” I touched the binding. “We should clean yours too.”

“I’m good.” He shook his head, moving around me. “I’m used to being cut up and bruised.” I stepped to the side as he stuffed the kit back in his glovebox and shut the truck door. The dark encased us in a private world. His phone vibrated again, but this time he ignored it.

“Hey, you two, stop making out over there and join the party.” A slightly accented man’s voice, sounding to be Australian, hollered over at us. Embarrassment immediately struck my cheeks like a hammer. I jerked my head to see the guy, Chris, aka Tarzan, beckoning us over.

“Seriously? What did I just say?” Stevie smacked him.

“Oh, right. Sorry. Carry on.” Tarzan gestured for us to stay put.

With everyone opposing our friendship, it was nice to have one person encouraging it. Even if she was not sly about it. Stevie was blunt, loud, direct, and non-apologetic, and I liked her for that. She wouldn’t stab you in the back or betray you. She’d tell you what she thought, straight to your face.

Embarrassment still controlled most of my emotions, and I looked through my lashes at Hunter.

He cleared his throat. “Probably should get back.”

“Yeah,” I agreed.

He moved to let me walk past him first, then got in stride with me. Music abruptly blasted from Jones’s black Honda, filling the air with energy. It slipped over my skin, giving me a bounce in my step.

“You want a drink?” Hunter pointed to the huge trunk full of alcohol. “Technically it is half yours.”

“No.” My automatic response mindlessly replied. I paused. Was I saying no because I really didn’t want one or because my parents would disapprove? Had the word no been programmed in me? Stevie said she would not drink tonight. What was stopping me? Because I did want to have a drink. Not get drunk or anything. Just relax. “Actually, yes. But do they have anything else than beer?”

“Let’s check.” Hunter’s shoulder brushed mine, steering me toward the ice chests. He leaned over, going through the hodgepodge of bottles. “Think you’ll like this.” He palmed a bottle and stood up, twirling it before he twisted the top off and handed it to me.

“Impressive.” The dew from the bottle trailed down the dark glass, dampening my already cold hands. “Thanks.”

“Part of the service.”

“Part of what service?”

“Babysitting.” He winked.

“Future father of the year award here.”

I felt my foot being inserted into my mouth before I even finished. Hunter glanced away, a nerve in his jaw twitching. What if the rumor is true? What if Hunter does have a baby with someone? My intestines clutched with the thought.

I stared down at the label of the drink. A ripped apple cider sticker hung loosely from the bottle, showing signs it had been sitting in melting ice for too long. The beverage met my lips, and I swallowed a huge gulp. The sweet liquid cascaded down my throat. I smacked my lips together.

“Like it?”

“Yeah.” I read the label. “It’s good.” I took another sip.

“Thought you’d like it.” We both grinned at each other.

I glanced over at Stevie, flirting shamelessly with Tarzan. I still was uncomfortable drinking, knowing Stevie probably would love to be having a beer right now. She liked her flirting along with a cocktail.

“I’m not drinking tonight.” Hunter nodded over at Stevie. “I’ll get you both home.”

“I’m staying at Stevie’s tonight.”

“Well, then I’ll be sure you get there.” He meant it. I had no doubt we shared the same philosophy on drinking and driving now.

“For once don’t worry about everyone else. Have fun. I promise I will get you home safe.” Hunter made me feel protected, and his gesture was like someone handed me a free pass. An unexpected urge to not think for a moment took over.

In a few hours it would be my eighteenth birthday, and I wanted to let go. Forget for one night what had happened in the last six months.

“Okay. Let’s make a deal tonight. I will loosen up if we don’t talk about the past or the future. Nothing outside of this parking lot. Only fun,” I challenged him.

An impish smile bowed up the side of his mouth. “Deal.” He picked a soda from the chest and clanked it against mine, my grin matching his. He took a small swig of his soda, while I slugged back my cider. A tingling sensation warmed my muscles and relaxed my shoulders.

“How’s my girl doing?” Stevie’s arm slid around my shoulders. Chris strolled up beside her.

“Good.” A smile spread over my face.

“I see you are following my guidance tonight. I couldn’t be more proud.”

“Hunter said he will get us home.”

Her eyebrows arched up. “Oh, did he?”

Hunter didn’t respond, just held Stevie’s stare. She turned back to me. “I think it’s a good plan. Tonight of all nights, you need to get silly. Celebrate.”

“Is tonight special?” Chris’s Aussie accent was slight but you could hear it.

“It’s my girl’s—”

I knocked my hip into hers. “Because we kicked your ass at flashlight tag.” I motioned at Hunter and myself. I hated people knowing it was my birthday or making a big deal of it. I shied away from being the center of attention and only wanted to be the one who planned someone else’s party.

I normally stayed home on my birthday and had dinner and cake with my family. The cake was usually one Reece picked out.

“Kicked my ass?” Chris thumbed at himself. “I don’t think so.”

“Come on, Singer. You should be used to that feeling by now.” Hunter nudged him playfully with his elbow.

“Don’t be mucking with me in front of the ladies.” Tarzan charmingly winked at us, then muttered to Hunter, “Wanker.”

Hunter nodded in compliance, chuckling.

“Boys.” Stevie rolled her eyes. “It’s why I sleep with girls.”

“Wait, what?” Chris’s face perked up, looking over at Stevie in disbelief and interest. “Seriously?”

She grinned, grabbing my arm. “Since the hot piece of ass over here is getting us home tonight, want to get a drink with me, Whiskey?” Stevie gave Hunter and Chris a playful wink and led me over to the trunk containing the alcohol. She glanced over her shoulder.

Chris stood with his mouth ajar, staring at her. “Oh yeah. Hook. Line. And sinker.” She leered, smiling wickedly at him.

I leaned over to grab another cider when a deep siren blared through the cool night air. All our heads glanced down the lot. Blue and red lights began to circle the parking lot, coming in from the entrance.

“The cops,” someone yelled, cracking a bolt of fear in my chest. Clusters of bodies began to beeline in all directions, running from the patrol. Their sudden movement sparked a panic to jerk my head and body around in circles.

“We need to get out of here.” Chris took a few steps back, talking to Hunter. “You and I can’t be caught. Not with tomorrow night…”

Hunter instantly reached out, grabbing my arm. “Come on.” He nodded to his truck.

“This is the police. Stay where you are,” a deep man’s voice shouted into the night.

Yeah, right. The four of us ran, our feet hammering the ground. The last thing I wanted was to call my parents from jail. Again.

Swirls of people, lights, and cars created a buzz of confusion and chaos. Dirt from the vehicles peeling out dusted the air with a thick haze, quickly dividing the four of us. I searched around frantically.

“Hunter?” I screamed, scurrying bodies blurred around me. The cloud of dust created faceless figures, like a tornado of ghosts circling around me. “Hunter!”

A hand darted through the hazy whirlwind, interlacing with mine. “Don’t let go,” Hunter ordered, tugging me through the maze of people.

“Whiskey?” Stevie’s voice hollowed over the commotion, her tone anxious. I could barely distinguish her as she moved farther away from me.

“Stevie, she’s with me,” Hunter hollered back. “Head to my house. Chris knows where it is.”

We darted for his truck, scrambling in. He tore from the parking lot, and down the road, away from the red and blue flashing lights.

Chapter Twenty-Four

We pulled into his long, circular drive, which was illuminated by white lights trimming the roof and bushes along the path. I sucked in a sharp breath. It was the first time I’d been back to the house since the accident. Hunter glanced over at me, but he didn’t say anything. He didn’t need to. We both knew how strange and awkward this was. For both of us.

He parked by the garage, and I trailed after him to the house. “No one’s home, if you’re worried about seeing my parents or anything.”

Alone with Hunter? My stomach jumped for completely other reasons now.

He opened the front door, turning on the inside lights. The familiar large foyer glowed with a buttery radiance from the elaborate chandelier above our heads. Trying to ignore the flood of emotion and strangeness, I hurriedly shed the top-tier of clothes, placing my jacket and hat on the foyer bench. I tugged off my muddy boots and left them by the door.

Every time I had ever entered this house it had been on Colton’s arm. Now it was his brother I trailed into the house, a boy who created such nervous butterflies in my stomach I could hardly sit still. A ribbon of guilt wrapped around my gut like a present. I sucked in a breath and forced myself to move forward. The holiday decorations were still up and drew me into their formal living room. The twelve-foot frosted Christmas tree glistened with white lights and ribbons, looking elegant and regal.

“How was your Christmas?” I touched the tree, rubbing the plastic needles between my fingers. I was all for the environment, but a real tree was a must. Fake trees didn’t feel, smell, or look right to me. “Must have been hard.”

“Yeah.” The space between Hunter’s eyes wrinkled. “But not spending it together is how the Harris family celebrates. My parents head off to the Caribbean every year. Colton and I would either hang out and watch movies or go with our friends.”

“They left you guys? At Christmas?”

“And all of January. They invited us to come at first, but Colton and I learned at ten we’d rather be home with the housekeeper than stuck on a boat with them and a bunch of their elitist friends. After that they stopped asking.” He stared at the lit tree. “We could tell they’d rather we not be there. They liked the freedom of not having kids around.”

My family was so different from theirs. Christmas was centered on us kids, especially Reece. I couldn’t imagine my parents choosing to leave us behind to go off by themselves. Maybe sometime during the year, but not at Christmas.

“Never knew that. Colton and I were broken up at Christmas last year. He never said anything, even when he called me.” Colton ended things with me in November, but he called me on Christmas saying he missed me, and we slowly started to talk. We were back together a little after school resumed mid-January. “Where did you go this year?” The thought of him being utterly alone drilled a hole in my heart.

“My friend Krista’s and then Jones’s.” Hunter folded his arms. “His house is always a good place if you want to forget your problems. He has three older sisters who all have kids. One married, two who aren’t, but they all live at home.” He smiled, staring down, looking to be lost in a memory. “It’s so loud and hectic you get lost in the chaos. Their house is like the wild kingdom.”

“Well, you’re always welcome at mine.” The words fell from my mouth before my brain realized what I was saying.

His blue irises glinted as he lifted his chin, catching my gaze. His lip hitched up. “You and I both know that isn’t true.”

My parents didn’t want me hanging around him, but they’d never turn anyone away if they had no place to go. But I understood his meaning. I nodded and looked down at my blue-and-black striped socks.

The door opened, turning both of our heads toward the entry.

“Hey, honey, we’re home,” Chris’s voice hollered from the front door, echoing off the high ceilings. “You better have something to drink in this pitiful excuse of a house.” I heard Stevie snort at his comment, coming in behind him.

Hunter headed for them. “Toilet water. It’s all we can afford here.”

“And let me guess. Your toilet water is Evian.”

“Perrier.”

“Of course,” Stevie responded, taking off her coat, scarf, hat, and shoes, placing them with mine. She ventured into the living room where I was, her eyes growing a bit. “Wow.”

“Wait till you see the kitchen and the pool,” I said.

Stevie slanted her head. “Oh, right.” She nodded. “I forgot you’ve been here before.” Yes. I had been here before. I shifted, feeling the uncomfortable moment pressing down on the room, creating walls between Hunter and me.

“Okay. Awk-ward.” Chris came up behind Stevie, wrapping one arm around her shoulder till his hand covered her mouth. “Think this one needs a drink. Maybe then she’ll stop talking.”

“Hey!” She laughed, tearing away from his grip. “But I heartily agree with this sentiment. My mouth needs something to do.”

Chris’s eyebrows went up, fully facing her. “I’ll give it something to do.” He stepped up to her with a grin.

“Okay, wow. It went from awkward to nauseating.” Hunter twisted, heading for the kitchen/family room.

I quickly followed him, but out the corner of my eye I saw Chris lean down and kiss Stevie. The Christmas lights dusted her face and cast a glowing light on her hair. My heart twisted in my chest. I was jealous. How easy it was with them. She liked him; he liked her. Simple. Sweet. No baggage or obstacles.

Stevie and Chris came into the kitchen a few moments after me. “Holy shit. You were right.” Stevie slid her hands over the white marble worktops. “This kitchen is gorgeous. I could have sex on these counters.” She laid her head down on the surface.

Chris opened his mouth, but Hunter pointed at him. “Don’t even think about it.”

Too late. We had all thought of it already, and it wasn’t Stevie and Chris I imagined there. The image was so sharp I inhaled and walked from the room, heading for the family room. I curled on the large sectional sofa. What am I doing here? No matter how stupid I deemed being here, there was no way I would leave. The path may have been on fire, but still I took steps down it, knowing I was going to burn.

“Are you kidding me?” Stevie went to the sliding glass door, looking out on the deck and pool area lit with path lights. The waterfall cascading into the pool and hot tub blazed with underwater lights.

Hunter gave them each a beer and came over to me, handing me a bottle of cider.

“Thanks.”

He nodded and moved to the other side of the couch, putting as much space between us as possible.

“How about strip Wii?” Chris jumped over the back, bouncing on the cushions.

“No,” Hunter and I said in unison.

“You guys are no fun.” Chris looked back and forth between us. “Normally you are all for it, Harris. What’s up?”

“Denial of sexual tension.” Stevie came behind Chris, going straight for the hot button.

“Speaking of.” He grabbed her and pulled her over his shoulder, onto the couch. Stevie squealed and squirmed, brushing her hair back into place as she sat up. Chris stretched out his long legs, watching her ruffle her hair, and though he didn’t make a move to touch her, his eyes said enough.

Hunter and I didn’t look at each other, but I could see him shift in his seat.

“All right, let’s play a game.” Stevie clapped her hands. By the time we finally decided on a bowling drinking game, Stevie and Chris were barely paying attention. It quickly lost its interest for all of us.

“Show me where the bathroom is?” Stevie grabbed my hand, pulling me from the room. I knew this had nothing to do with her needing me to show her. Stevie was not the kind of girl who went to the bathroom in packs, unless she wanted to talk.

I took her to the one on the first floor by Mr. Harris’s office. She closed the door and sucked in a breath.

“What?” I folded my arms.

“Is this okay with you?” She nibbled on her lower lip. “I mean are you okay with staying here tonight? Do you want to go? Because I totally will…”

A snicker cracked from my throat, and I turned to the mirror, peeling off the bandage from my cheek. “I love you, Stevie, but leaving is the last thing you want to do.” I caught a glimpse of her in the reflection. A soft smile, one I had never seen, snaked across her face.

“No. But I will.” She placed her hand on my arm, bringing me back around. “I will always pick you first.”

The sentiment hit me, careening into heart. My arms circled around her in a tight hug. “Thank you,” I whispered. Sadly friends like her were rare. I’d hold on to her with all I had. “But, yes.” I leaned back. “I’m fine with staying here.”

Her face grew into a bigger grin. “I don’t know what it is about Tarzan.” She fanned herself. “Thought of myself as more of a Jane kind of girl, but damn.”

“I think you’ve met your match.” I winked and grabbed the doorknob.

“So have you,” Stevie replied. I briefly squeezed my lids together but continued to walk through the door, not responding.

Chris was strolling down the hall as I came out, pretending to appear lost. “Oh, is that the bathroom?” He pointed, progressing to the door I exited.

“You’re not sly, Chris.” I shook my head, moving past him. Chris had been here before, and he knew Stevie was still in there.

I quickened my steps so I wouldn’t hear anything coming from there. When I got back to the family room, it was empty. I stood, suddenly lost and alone. A picture of the family when the boys were young sat on the shelf. They looked happy, but I knew appearances could be deceiving. I looked fine on the outside but was a complete mess inside. My response to Stevie was not because I knew she wanted to stay, but because I did too. For Hunter.

Fear struck like lightning at the awareness. I had a sudden longing to be near Colton, to feel safe, remember my feelings for him, and to forget the ones for Hunter.

The path to his room was automatic, but I was aware of every footstep up the stairs, apprehension weighing down my heels. I pushed the door open, flicking on the light. The stab of pain behind my eyes was instant. Everything was exactly like I remembered it. The walls were adorned with football memorabilia, and his desk covered with schoolbooks and comics. His king-sized bed against the wall had the familiar green comforter on it. A shelf above his bed held pictures and trophies.

It wasn’t the fact it was decorated the same, it was the realization it was exactly how he must have left it before he came to pick me up that fateful night. The shoes he wore to school that day were kicked off right at the foot of his bed, the T-shirt he had on, hung over his computer chair. His backpack on the seat, his gym bag with his practice uniform still inside by his dresser.

It seemed at any moment he would walk back in. I could almost imagine him coming from the shared bathroom connected to Hunter’s room rubbing his hair with a towel with a big goofy smile on his face at seeing me. I could even smell his shampoo.

I wrapped my arms around my waist as I walked deeper into the room. My eyes latched on to the picture above his bed. The one I gave him after the state championships as a gift. The same one I had in my room. The one of us kissing. I reached up, pulling it off the shelf. I pressed the frame to my chest, swallowing back the surge of grief. My legs caved under the agony, bringing me down on his bed, letting a few tears escape.

I felt Hunter even before I heard him come into the room. It was like his presence brushed at my skin, leaving snail-like trails over me. I stared at my feet, wiping the evidence of my sorrow away.

“It doesn’t get easier coming in here,” he said quietly. “My parents haven’t touched it since his death. I think they keep hoping there’s been some mistake and Colton will walk back through the door.” I glanced up, watching him step into Colton’s room. “It took me awhile to come back in here after I returned home. When I did…” Hunter rubbed his forehead, letting his sentence trail off. “About a month ago, dear ol’ Dad and I had it out when I’d had enough of the immortalized shrine.” He came up, standing over me, looking around. “His football gear and socks are still in his gym bag. How fucking sick is that?”

I lowered the picture still flattened against my chest, staring at the happy faces. “God, we look happy here, clueless to what was ahead of us.”

“You were.” Hunter grabbed the picture from my hands, looking at it. “It’s not a bad thing. We were all naive and innocent once. But there is a moment when life forces you to grow up. Most don’t have to go through something like this, but we all grow up. Loss is a part of life.”

I stared at him in complete wonder.

“What?” He lifted his gaze away from the picture, handing it back to me.

“Nothing.” I took the frame, shaking my head. “You two couldn’t have been more different.”

“Tell me about it.” Hunter chuckled. “Except for our stellar good looks.”

“Ah, there’s Colton coming out.” I laughed.

“We were opposites in most things, but it worked for us. He wasn’t just my brother, but my twin—it’s a special bond. We may have had separate groups and lives, but I loved the guy more than anything. I would have done anything for him.”

I tilted my head, thinking about the numerous times Colton ran when Hunter called. “And he felt the same about you. Believe me. Out of his friends or me, when it came down to it, you would always win.”

His lips pursued and he turned, walking away.

“Stevie and Chris are getting into the hot tub. Did you want to join them?” His sudden switch in conversation was not lost on me.

“You’re asking if I want to get into a bacteria-breeding cesspool with two people who will proclaim bathing suits optional as a declaration to go naked and do things I don’t want to see a friend doing.”

“It’s a no then?” He turned back around to face me, a smile tugging one side of his mouth.

I smiled back. “What do you think?”

“No. I agree, but I swear you are probably the one seventeen-year-old girl who thinks of a hot tub as petri dish.”

“Instead of a seduction mechanism leading to sex? Girls aren’t stupid, you know? We realize when a guy asks if we want to go hot tubbing, it’s basically code for ‘I’m hoping this warm water and lack of clothes leads to sex.’”

Hunter popped up an eyebrow at my comment. “We’re guys; we’re always hoping it leads there.”

My cheeks flushed. The topic of sex should have been off limits between us. “I sound like such a prude. I swear I’m not. Once you learn stuff like that in science class, you don’t unlearn it.”

“I know you’re not.” Hunter stood in the doorway, a strange expression I couldn’t decipher extended over his features, and then quickly disappeared. “I’m actually not a hot tub guy either. Never liked it.”

I eyed him. “Please don’t tell me you never used it as a lure to get a girl in a very tiny bikini or nothing at all to have sex with you.”

“Never,” he answered, a sexy, bad-boy side grin on his face.

“Liar.”

“Jaymerson.” He stared straight into my eyes. “I don’t need a ruse to get a girl to want to have sex with me.” He dipped out of the doorway, leaving the room, walking down the hall.

Air sucked noisily through my nose. No. Hunter did not need any kind of trick. He was a walking seduction.

With another shaky inhale, I lifted myself from the bed, placing the picture back on the shelf. I needed to get out of the room. It seemed terribly wrong for my heart to be pounding, my skin flushing over Hunter, while sitting on Colton’s bed.

This was really fucked up.

I stepped into the hallway, shutting the door behind me. I looked toward the stairs. I could hear Stevie and Chris play-fighting on their way to the hot tub. The sounds of giggling and yelping, echoes of towels snapping before the door closed. I turned to stare at the light coming from the open door on the other side of the joining bathroom. Hunter’s room.

Fear and logic battled in my heart. Fear was a strong ruler, dictating most of my actions. Also the terror of rejection pinned my toes to the floor. Grab the bull by the horns and hold on tight. Grandma Penny’s voice sounded through my head, making me groan and laugh at the same time.

I knew this wasn’t exactly what she had in mind, but I was going to live by Grandma’s philosophy. It took her losing someone to see how precious life was. I didn’t want to look back and realize I let these times go by because I was scared.

I don’t know if I walked to his room with any thoughts past getting to the door. All I knew was I wanted to be around him. I didn’t want to think beyond that. I landed in his doorway, resting against it, searching around his space. I had briefly been in here before, looking for Colton, but hadn’t lingered. The room was designed identical to Colton’s, down to the huge walk-in closet and large bay windows.

But unlike Colton’s, Hunter’s room was void of any trophies or football memorabilia. It was actually empty of anything personal. On the wall with the entrance to the bathroom, was his king-size bed, donned with navy-and-grey bedding. Plain wooden nightstands framed the bed. On the other wall was the walk-in closet, a workstation with a top-of-the-line computer and flat-screen TV. No pictures, posters, or objects gave it personality.

My attention was quickly ripped from the lack of items on his walls to the lack of clothing on his body. He strolled out of his closet, stripped of his long-sleeved Henley, his jeans dipping low, and holding a T-shirt.

Several tattoos inked his back and down his side, but it was the one scrolling up his arm to his shoulder which captured me. It was a beautiful dragon, the tail of the beast wrapping down his bicep. The most beautiful part was the work around his shoulder. The neck of the dragon split in half, two heads curling on either side of his shoulder, looking at each other. Twin dragons. But one of them had a number twenty-two scrolled on the back of its neck. Colton’s football jersey number.

“It’s beautiful.” I swallowed the lump in my throat.

“Thanks.” Hunter reached up, running his hand over the markings. “Benji just finished filling it in.” Hunter touched the number on the dragon’s neck. “Even if he’s not here anymore, Colton always will be part of me. I don’t stop being his twin.”

I pressed my lips together, the emotion in his voice reaching my heart. I stared at the details of the tattoo, but my gaze slipped slowly to his torso, greedily taking in his toned abs and the deep V indention hinting above his jeans. I heard him snort, and I lifted my gaze, realizing he caught me ogling him.

“Sorry.” I looked away but quickly glanced back through my lashes. His torso was meant to be stared at: trim and muscled in all the right places but not bulky. Less bodybuilder more swimmer.

“Sorry for what?” he replied.

I shifted my weight, my mouth opening. “I mean, is that even fair?” I motioned to his chest.

“Are we competing?” Hunter lifted his brow. “Because if we are, then it’s only fair I see you topless.”

I blushed, trying not to think about his retort. “It’s just mean. What? You do, like, two sit-ups to get those abs?”

“Hey, I work hard. I do at least five before eating a whole pizza,” he teased.

“Bastard.” I gave him the evil eye.

“How do you know my middle name?” he joked, covering the beautiful canvas with a grey shirt he tugged on. Damn.

“What is your middle name?” I asked.

“You don’t want to know.”

“Yes, I do.”

He sighed, straightening his shirt. “Browning.”

“Browning? Like the guns? Hunter Browning. Seriously?”

“Seriously.”

“Wow.” I chuckled.

“My parents wanted to make sure everyone knew we came from famous lineage. Old money.” He scoffed. “Manufacturers of rifles. Talk about a lineage of blood and death. Not an ancestry you should be proud of.”

“But that doesn’t matter around here. It’s about the prestige and pedigree.” I tucked my arms over each other. “And if you don’t have status, they name you after every grandparent you have.”

“Jaymerson is your grandfather’s name, right?” He sat down on his bed.

“Yeah. How did you know?”

“I must have overheard you tell someone.” He shrugged. “Jaymerson, what?”

“Jaymerson Vanessa,” I said. “Covered a grandparent on either side of the family.”

“It’s pretty.”

“Thanks.” I shuffled my foot, patting it into the rug.

“Jaymerson Vanessa?” His husky voice wrapped around my name.

I looked up.

“Are you going to come in or should I put a pillow at the invisible line at my doorway for you to sleep on?”

Fire bloomed through my entire body. How could he read me so easily?

I took a step, breaking the hidden thread that held so much weight. I kept my arms folded, watching my socks move over his carpet, until I arrived in front of him.

“You want to sleep here?” he asked, almost in a whisper. I knew he meant only sleeping, not sex.

My voice couldn’t find the way to the surface, and I nodded.

He stood up, brushing past me, and went into his closet. He returned promptly with a pair of cotton shorts. “Here.” He threw them at me.

I actually had a pair of pajamas in my bag, locked in Stevie’s car, along with a toothbrush, but I wasn’t going to interrupt Stevie to get her keys. Plus I didn’t want to leave this room. I might come to my senses and run. For once I didn’t want logic coming into play here.

I grabbed the shorts and walked around to the opposite side of the bed. I sat, slipping off my jeans and socks, pulling up the borrowed shorts quickly. I stood, clasping them at the waistline so they didn’t drop back to the floor. They were huge on me.

“Uh?” I turned to him.

“Come here.” He chuckled, wiggling his finger for me to move to him. He sat while I strode over, stopping in front of him. He inched me between his legs, corralling me close. “There is a tie on the inside, but it’s double knotted.” He reached up, flipping the large waistband to face him. His knuckles swept along my lower abdomen, flaring my body with tingles. He tugged at the cord, bringing the shorts closer around my hips.

Standing there between his legs, his breath and fingers tickled the skin across my stomach. Every sense was on overload. The side of his hand skimmed below the band on my underwear, and I felt all my muscles tighten. I struggled to breathe properly. How could he affect me so much, but he seemed calm and at ease?

“There.” He finished knotting the string, his hands going to my hips.

“Tha-anks.” A frog croaked, dying in my throat.

“What are friends for?” He stood, his hands still on me, but dropped them the moment he was fully on his feet, moving around me.

Friends. Right.

He clicked on the lamp at his bedside, then walked over to the door, closing it and turning off the main light, dimming the room to a shadowy glow.

I crawled on the bed, plopping myself in the middle. Don’t think. Don’t think. I repeated over and over to myself. “Why is your room void of you? It holds nothing personal.”

He walked back to the bed. “Because this place isn’t home to me. It’s where I live sometimes, but it’s not my home.”

“Where is your home then?” A sudden sadness for him, the lack of family who supported and loved him, washed over me.

“Not sure I really have one,” he replied. “But I’m the most relaxed at Jones’s, Doug’s, or Krista’s.”

That girl’s name again. Who is she? What did she mean to him? I hated being jealous. It wasn’t something I dealt with much before. Hunter seemed to raise this possessive beast in me.

He sat at the end of the bed, the hum of a zipper, the swish of fabric being pulled off. I bit my lip. He stood and leaned over to turn off the lamp. The boxer-briefs type.

The room went black, and I blinked trying to adjust my vision to the darkness. A glow from the twinkle lights outside leaked through his blinds. His outline moved, pulling back the covers. The bed indented with his weight.

“Scoot over.” His voice was low as he nudged me over. He seemed so relaxed as if this was no big deal. It probably wasn’t. He undoubtedly had girls in his bed all the time. I was the one making it an issue. But I wasn’t just any girl. Like he wasn’t just any boy. And this was anything but a boy and girl sleeping in the same bed together. Innocent as it could be. It wasn’t.

I crawled to the top and slipped under the comforter, sinking into the pillow. Every move Hunter made settling in was like an injection of adrenaline to my system. He stretched his legs, bumping into mine.

“Sorry,” he mumbled, letting his head drop to the side. “Not used to sharing. Kind of a bed hog.”

“You have a king and you’re bitching about room? Mine’s a double and that’s luxury to me. I had a twin till last year.” I turned on my side, facing him. “And until we moved I had shared a room with my sister.”

“Harsh,” he teased, folding his arms under his head.

“I know, right?”

He tipped his head farther to the side to see me, the light outside reflecting off his irises. “I could learn to share.”

I gulped. Did he mean what I thought he did?

He angled his head toward the ceiling again. “Having a twin brother, you get used to sharing, or fighting, over everything. He usually won, and I was fine with it. It never bothered me…there were only a few things I knew I never could share.”

“What?”

He didn’t answer but shifted to his side facing me, laying his head on the edge of the pillow. His mouth was only an inch from mine, and his breath fanned down my neck. Oh. My. God. Thoughts in my head hit the pause button. His lips and body were too close and warm to let logic enter my mind. We both lay there, watching each other, hesitant to cross the invisible line, step over the edge and let ourselves fall. It was too dangerous and forbidden.

How silly it was to keep putting myself in situations like this and feigning innocence. I knew what I was doing. Even going against what I thought was right, I still found myself lying in bed next to Hunter Harris, wanting more.

His body beckoned me to touch it. To feel the ripple of his muscles under my fingertips, the warmth of his skin beneath his T-shirt. I balled my hands into fists, the desire overpowering my senses.

“What?” he whispered, causing my lids to flip back up. I hadn’t even realized I had shut my eyes, squeezing them like I was in pain.

“Nothing.”

“Is this too weird…or uncomfortable?”

“No.” I shook my head. Actually it was, but not for the reasons he was hinting at. “I feel safe here.”

He continued to stare at me, not embarrassed or bashful to blatantly watch me. Colton and I had a staring contest once. He lasted for ten seconds before blushing and laughing like a schoolboy. I hadn’t thought about it then, but true intimacy probably scared the bejesus out of him.

Now I was the one blushing.

He moved his knee, and his skin rubbed against mine. I swallowed, almost choking over the thickness in my throat.

He reached out one finger, tracing the tattoo on my arm, tucked under my head. He didn’t say anything but let his hands speak instead. He pressed his lips together, outlining the last feather before drifting to my cheek. My heart thumped so wildly in my chest I was sure he could hear it. His thumb padded over the cut on my chin and skimmed my bottom lip. I had the consuming need to let my tongue wrap around his thumb. Kiss me, a voice cried inside me, flooding my face with more heat.

It was like he heard me.

He tilted forward; his hand gripped the side of my face. His eyes watching me with reservation, like he was waiting for me to stop him.

I should have. This was foolish and wrong in many ways. But I knew I wouldn’t. I wanted this more than anything.

His gaze on me changed, narrowing in on my mouth, it burned with want as he pulled my face closer.

This is happening.

It felt like forever, but finally his lips touched mine. His fingers held my face still as he brushed his sensually over mine. The feel of his mouth was like someone fired a flare up my spine, halting oxygen in my lungs. He nipped my bottom lip, tugging and sucking it, slamming fire through me. I moved in closer, my leg hooking over his hip. His hand slipped up the back of my neck, gripping my hair roughly as his mouth came down on mine with ferocity. A strange noise came from me, my leg clutching him tighter, pulling him into my body, kissing him back with matching intensity. A rumble came from his chest, rolling me on my back as he moved over me, fitting perfectly between my legs.

Oh Jesus, he felt good.

Hunter’s hand glided up my side, drifting under my shirt as his kiss deepened.

Buzzzzz. His phone rattled the nightstand, making us break a part.

Seriously? Now? I hated his phone.

He pulled back, staring at me, then at the phone. He swore under his breath and moved off me, picking up his mobile. He tapped at the screen, reading. My gaze went to the clock on the side of his bed—2:14 a.m. Who would be texting him at this time?

Sunny. The answer was quick. She was probably hoping he had gotten rid of me by now and was looking for a late-night hookup. Or was it this Krista he spoke of? Insecurity, guilt, embarrassment finally decided to show up, feeding off the silence and awkwardness between us.

Hunter grumbled and rolled to the edge of the mattress.

“What’s wrong?”

He pinched his lips in a thin line, shaking his head. “I have to go.”

“What?” I sat up.

He grabbed his jeans off the end of the bed, pulling them on.

“Where are you going?”

“I’ll be back.” He tipped forward, snatching his shoes. He shoved his feet in his boots and laced them.

“Are you serious? It’s two in the morning.”

This wasn’t the first time he had left me, running to whoever was texting or calling him. This took me back to the numerous nights Colton and I were hanging out and Hunter would call, dragging Colton away from me. Was he a drug dealer?

“I know. I’m sorry, but I have to go.”

He stood, tugged on a hoodie, and moved toward the door, his eyebrows pinched.

“Hunter?”

He gripped the doorknob and glanced back at me, eyes softening as his eyes slipped over me. “Don’t move. I’ll be back later. I promise.” He slinked soundlessly through the door and was gone.

Flabbergasted, I sat gaping at the door. What was he doing in the middle of the night? He was secretive and cryptic about his life. Besides his close friends, I was one of the few who saw beyond his reputation, but I had been looking. Hard. And he still was a mystery to me.

I flopped back on the pillow, my hand rolling over my mouth, still feeling the sensation of his lips on mine. Holy crap. We kissed, again. But then he left. My hurt and embarrassment wanted me to get up and leave, but a stronger desire to stay here in his bed won out. Stevie would go if I asked, but I didn’t want to do that to her. She seemed to be enjoying Tarzan—possibly a little too much—right now. Another reason I did not want to look for her.

These were all excuses. All reasons to snuggle deeper into his comfy bed. My nose drifted over the sheets, smelling his scent.

Stop. Jaymerson. Now. You are only friends. Friends who kept kissing.

My mind went around and around with examples showing there was nothing between us except the bond of Colton’s death, the comfort and desperation to find someone who understood, when finally the cocoon of his blankets silenced the voices, taking me away to sleep.

Chapter Twenty-Five

My lids blinked open; a beam of light slammed them back shut. A soft groan escaped my lips, and I rolled away from the brightness, digging my head deeper under the supple blankets. It was so comfortable it was like floating on marshmallows. I wiggled in farther, pressing against something firm. Warm. Smelling amazing. Stirring emotions and desire.

A hand slipped through the covers, landing on my hip, pulling me in. The gentle caress of his body against me, flooded memories of the night before into my head.

My eyes shot open.

Directly in front of my face was Hunter’s bare chest. The muscles along his abs moved in and out as he breathed. My gaze dipped lower. All he wore was a pair of boxer briefs. They dipped enough to see the V indentation carved into his lower torso.

The fabric did nothing to hide him.

All of him.

Oh my god.

A zing ran through me at seeing him. Again the desire to touch him was hard to ignore, but the thought of waking him stopped me.

When did he get back? How did I not wake when he crawled into bed with me? I was a light sleeper. I could hear my sister’s footsteps from down the hall coming for me the moment she stepped out of her bed. I was always ready to jump up and go if anyone needed me. But sometime in the night, Hunter crept into bed, almost naked, without my notice.

Every detail of the kiss came back, but the daylight twisted it into a tarnished dream. It rotted in my stomach as visions of Colton popped into my head, his face twisted with disgust and hurt. How could you, Jayme? My twin brother?

Hunter stirred, his fingers sliding under the shorts I was wearing and up my thigh. The punch of energy soared over my skin.

I gnashed my teeth together. Why did he invoke such exhilaration through me? Why him? It could have been anyone, a boy I met at a party or standing in line getting coffee. Why did Hunter have to be the one who could ignite the blood in my veins?

He was the one boy I shouldn’t want. The one I couldn’t have. What was wrong with me? I should be repulsed. Why did the thought of stripping off my clothes, feeling his bare skin, his body moving against mine, cause my heart to thump, ripping desire through my system?

I rolled away, sitting up.

He jerked awake, his head popping up.

“Are you okay?” His voice was husky, full of sleep. Sexy.

“Yes. Fine.” My mouth felt like cotton balls, stuffed with something that died.

He closed his eyes, laying his head back down. His face was free of conflict. Relaxed and comfortable. Gorgeous. I rubbed my head in irritation.

“When did you get home last night?” I inquired when I really wanted to ask: Did you sleep with Sunny or Krista, then crawl back into bed with me? Damn! When did I start sounding like a jealous girlfriend?

He grunted, not answering my question. His lids fluttered open again when I slipped off the bed, and he glanced over his shoulder at the clock.

“It’s only seven, Jayme.” He rubbed at his forehead.

“Go back to sleep.” My feet padded over his soft rug. “I need to head home.” After I brush the sewage out of my mouth.

“You need to go home…now?” His eyebrows curved up.

Yes, I thought. Because the longer I stay here, the more likely I’m going to do something extremely stupid. Something I won’t be able to take back.

“Soon.” I shrugged, heading into the Jack and Jill bathroom. I knew from past visits they had a ton of disposable toothbrushes in the bottom drawer for guests to use.

Guests? A voiced in me sassed. You mean an overnight visitor like Sunny or Krista?

I grabbed one, longing to dispose of the awful taste in my mouth. I brushed vigorously. My mood coiled tighter than a gnarled barbwire fence. I needed to go for a run. Kick-box. Do anything I could to forget how his body and mouth felt on mine.

Footsteps stopped at the door, and I glanced up, looking at him through the mirror. My lungs contracted. Still only in his boxer briefs, he leaned against the jamb, his arms crossed over his chest, watching me intently with a slight amused lift to his lip. His hair was in disarray and made him sexier than anyone had the right to be.

He looked nothing like any other eighteen-year-old boy at school. He had grown up fast, developing in body and mind before the rest. Even the crowd he hung out with was older. He seemed way too mature and advanced for someone like me. Everything about him frightened me. Nerves I never experienced before rocked me, shaking the foundation, especially when he looked at me so attentively.

My eyes lowered, and I moved away from the sink, throwing the toothbrush away. I could still sense his eyes on me. Hunter had the knack for staying silent. Observing. Right then I longed for Colton’s endless yammering and threadlike attention span. Hunter was intense.

Bottled energy flicked off me like sparks, and I could feel me fluttering around the space with no direct intension. “Stop.” I fingered the snarls in my hair, wrapping it up in a hasty bun.

“Stop what?”

“That.” I motioned to him. “Staring at me… making me feel…” My tongue couldn’t find the words to complete the sentence, not ones that wouldn’t insinuate something.

“Making you feel what?” He tipped his head against the door. He was calm and direct. His confidence made me want to get away. I went for the exit, and he stepped in my way, blocking my path. It was as though he was challenging me, daring me to confess. There was no way I would utter any of my thoughts.

“Move out of my way, please.”

“Say the magic words.”

“I said please.”

“Not the magic words.”

“Hunter.” Desperation filled my eyes. What did he want from me?

“Hey.” He grabbed my arms. “Relax. Okay? There is nothing to be upset about.”

Was he telling me the kiss meant nothing? To forget it? It was the best thing to do, but why did it sting so bad to know he didn’t think it was that big of deal?

“It’s all right.” He gazed down at me intently.

I nodded, forcing myself to exhale. He let me go and turned back for the bed.

“Don’t tell me you’re a morning person.” He strolled to the bed and flopped face-first onto it. I tried to ignore the curve of his ass.

“Kind of,” I admitted, hesitantly following him. We kissed. No big deal. Why am I so uptight about being in the same bed as him? I’d slept next to boys before. Colton and I had fallen asleep together several times. Why did this seem different? “Comes with having a little sister. Reece has yet to sleep past seven thirty.”

Hunter groaned. “I’m gonna have to beat that out of you.”

I went to my side of the bed and crawled back on. “Oh, really?”

“Yes.” He turned his head on the pillow toward me.

“I don’t think so.” A mischievous smile plucked at my face.

He lifted one eyebrow. His eyes darted to my hand as it moved. “Don’t think about it.”

I bolted to my feet, grabbing a pillow and creamed him as he reached for my ankle, yanking me back down. I yelped and laughed, the bed bouncing as I dropped down.

“You just declared war.” He grabbed his pillow, getting to his feet, bouncing. I quickly rebounded, clutched my weapon, and swung. He countered and I twisted, the cushion hitting my hip. I quickly darted to the side, jumping off the bed.

“Out of bounds.”

“Who says?” I countered. “War has no rules.”

He grinned jumping off the bed, charging me. The moment he got close enough, I struck him, knocking him to the side. I veered around, trying to get back to the bed. An arm darted out, encircling my waist. I shrieked as he easily picked me off the floor. I squirmed against him, trying to break free.

“You started it. Now you must face the consequences.” He tossed me back on the bed. “But let me warn you. I always win.” He grabbed my foot and started to tickle it.

A half laugh, half cry broke from my throat. “Stop.” I kicked back. “Not fair.”

“I didn’t say I won fairly.” He smirked. “Remember, war has no rules.”

If I weren’t being tormented, I would have been more aware of him, mostly naked, wrestling on the bed with me, but I didn’t really notice. Nope. Not at all.

“Stop! Please.” I laughed painfully. My feet were sensitive, and it was torture when someone tickled them. I wiggled around, clasping a pillow and swung my arm back. His grip loosened, and I slithered toward the end of the bed, slipping over the edge. He caught my calf to bring me back, but my motion pulled him over the side with me. We both landed in a heap on the floor. Laughing. Once again, Hunter lay across me. This time I was on my back, looking up at his beautiful mouth.

“We really are dangerous.” Hunter turned serious, his eyes roaming over my face.

Yes, we were. In so many ways.

Friction strained the air. I wanted him to kiss me. Badly.

An emotion flickered across his face, before I could make it out, he sucked in a deep breath through his nose and pulled back off me. He sat back, thrusting his spine against the bed. His form was rigid, like he was warning me to stay away. His eyes tracked me as I slowly sat up, his face expressionless. He inhaled and looked down at the floor, tapping his knuckle absently against the area rug. “We can’t do this.”

He was right. It was the same I had been thinking, but to hear it from him twisted my heart in my chest. “I know.”

An eruption of awkward silence gushed between us, neither of us seeming to know what to say or do next. Thankfully we didn’t have to.

Hunter’s bedroom door swung open, slamming into the wall, hauling our attention to the figure in the doorway.

“There better be rampant sex going on in here or I’m gonna be pissed.” Stevie stood in the doorway, only in a T-shirt and underwear, rubbing her eyes and yawning. “Seriously, who makes this much noise at this ungodly hour? Especially when I am hungover.” Her hair was in knotted disarray, her eyeliner smeared, and her pale complexion looked even more sallow. Somehow she still pulled it off.

“What are you two doing?” She blinked, taking in the pillows scattered around and one still in my clutches. “Oh my god, did I just step into a teenage boy’s fantasy? Are you guys pillow fighting?”

Hunter pushed up, sitting on the edge of the bed. “If it was a teenage boy’s fantasy, it would be a room full of women pillow fighting…in lingerie.”

“Wow. It actually sounds an awful lot like my teenage fantasy.” She put a hand on her hip, then motioned to us. “But this one works too.”

Chris came up behind her, putting his hands on her waist. “You get in there, Hunter comes out, and I’m all for it.” He leaned down and kissed her passionately

She smiled at him wickedly. “You might get your wish.”

Hunter and I looked at each other, our eyebrows curved in duel shock. Neither one had run for the door yet?

“Can you check outside to see if the huge birds in the sky resemble pigs?” I pointed to the window.

“I’m scared,” Hunter said, his eyes wide in mock fear.

“Me too.”

“I’ll deal with you two…” Stevie broke away from Chris, pointing at both of us. “But in, like, five minutes.” She pushed Chris back down the hall.

“Ten!” Chris yelled over her shoulder. They both disappeared.

“This is a first.” Hunter stared after them. “Chris never sticks around for the morning.”

As far as I heard, Stevie didn’t either. “Maybe they did meet their match.”

“I guess anything is possible.” Hunter’s gaze landed on me.

“Yeah. I guess it is.” I smiled shyly back.

Crap. I was really, really in trouble.

Chapter Twenty-Six

Stevie pulled up to my house, and my gaze landed on an unfamiliar red Jeep Wrangler parked next to my grandparent’s Mercedes in the driveway. We still had their car on “loan.” Something my mother noted every day when Grandma Nessa would call to see how everything was going.

“Whose car is that?” Stevie nodded at the jeep.

“I have no idea.” I shook my head. “Maybe one of my dad’s co-workers or something.”

Stevie already lost interest and riffled through her bag next to her, pulling out a card. “Happy birthday, Whiskey.”

My heart dipped with softness, taking the card from her hand. “Thank you,” I uttered quietly.

“It’s a card. Don’t get all emotional.”

“It’s my favorite present so far.”

“Your only gift so far.” She snorted. “Well, unless you count me. Be honest. I’m your favorite present ever.”

“True,” I said honestly. I looked back at her and saw spots of blush dotting her pale cheeks.

“Open it later.” Stevie waved me off. “I don’t want emotions all over my car. Ruins the interior.”

I grinned, pulling her into a huge hug. “I love you.”

“Yeah, yeah. Get out of my car now.”

Her grumpiness didn’t fool me. “Someone’s unhappy leaving her boyfriend behind.” I dropped my lip in a fake pout.

“Not my boyfriend.” She glared.

“Uh-huh. Sure. I saw you this morning, and when we were leaving. Someone’s smitten.”

“Out. Now.” She pointed out the car.

I laughed and opened the car door, sliding out.

“And you have no room to talk, missy. When I get home tonight, I’m getting a play-by-play of what happened with you and Hunter.”

“I told you, nothing.” Hunter didn’t bring up the kiss, not once. His “we can’t do this” comment told me what I needed to know. I was going to play it like it never happened as well. Better for everyone.

“Yeah, it looked like nothing this morning.” She winked.

“I hope they play ‘We are Family’ or ‘Celebration’ over and over at the wedding. And everyone forces you to do the Macarena with them in a conga line.”

Stevie hissed, jerking back. “Oh, you’re evil.”

“Learned from you.” I smiled. “Have fun tonight.”

Stevie groaned. “Please let me spend it with you instead of pretending to have manners and wear a dress.”

“You actually pretend?”

“You’re right, I don’t. But because I’m family, they are forced to invite me.” She put the car in drive. “They love it. I spice things up. I’ll call you later.”

I slammed the door at the same time she sped away from the curb, tires screeching. I strolled up the path to the front door.

The voices from the kitchen reached me the moment I walked in. I recognized my Grandma Nessa’s strained voice calling to my sister.

“Reece, don’t eat with your fingers. You use a spoon.”

I snorted. Good luck with that. Reece had decided a few weeks ago anything entering her mouth would happen by way of her fingers, including cereal, which she was eating with milk again. It was a battle my parents quickly gave up, realizing the more they fought her on it the more she did it. She’d grow out of it in another week. But Grandma Nessa was old school. Manners and etiquette, even by a five-year-old, were a must. I forced on a smile when I heard my grandmother sigh with frustration.

“Hey!” I came around the corner, dropping my bag on the floor. My grandpa and dad sat at the table eating coffee cake, something my grandma probably brought over. My sister sat on her knees on the chair next to Dad picking out loops of cereal and dropping them into her mouth, milk dribbling down her face and the front of her pajamas. Grandma Nessa stood over her, holding a towel. Mom hovered by the coffee machine staring at it like it was the lone thing holding her sanity together.

“Hey!” Dad mumbled over a mouth of pastry. “It’s the birthday girl.”

“Jaymerson, you’re home early,” Mom chirped, a relieved smile covering her face.

Reece scrambled off the chair and ran to me. “Happy Burp-day, JayJay.” She giggled.

I swung down, picking her up. “Thank you, squirt.”

“Burp-day.” She laughed, her dark eyes sparkling. “Get it?”

“Yes. Funny.”

“Thank your grandpa for that one.” Dad stood up, shooting a glare at his father. Grandpa T beamed back at his son.

“Grandpa T, do it. Do it!” She wiggled from my arms, running to him. She patted his leg with encouragement.

He leaned over, getting close to her face. “Happy.” He made a sound more like a hiccup. “Burp-day.”

Reece howled, her giggles wild and uninhibited. Her joy so contagious it only encouraged him to do it again.

This was not the grandfather I grew up with. He had been stern, reserved, and hands off with me. He and Grandma Nessa thought a wife and child had been an unsuitable choice for their young son. We limited him, keeping Noah from achieving greatness. It was as if my grandfather believed if he accepted me and showed me love, he would be approving of my father’s decisions. He had mellowed by the time Reece came along. She was a fresh opportunity for him to be a real grandpa. They adored each other. I was happy Reece got to have him, but it still hurt a little to watch.

“Trevor, that’s enough.” Grandma Nessa spoke to him like a child. Her attention went back to me, her eyes scanning my body. “You look awful. Did you sleep in your clothes?”

Happy birthday to me.

“Uh.” I smoothed down the front of my shirt. I had changed shirts, but this one was wrinkled from being balled up in my bag all night. “No.”

“Did you and Stevie have fun last night?” Mom advanced toward me, I could feel her wanting to stand between me and her mother-in-law.

“Yeah.” I nodded.

“What’d you do?”

A recollection of rolling around the bed with Hunter this morning played out in my head. I felt my cheeks heat up at the image.

“Hung out. Played some games. Nothing big.” I wasn’t lying. Technically.

“What happened?” Mom touched the new cuts on my cheek.

“Tripped.” Again, technically true. “No big deal.”

I gestured my thumb toward the front door to change the subject. “Did you guys get a new car or something? Is that how you got here?” I asked my grandparents. My grandma’s face lit up with excitement at the same time annoyance fluttered over my mother’s.

“Not exactly.” Grandma Nessa clapped her hands. “You know how your grandfather is good friends with the mayor and plays golf with him every Sunday.” She motioned dismissively at the man still playing with Reece. “Well, his brother owns several car dealerships...” She left off for dramatic pause. A twist of excitement coiled around me. “We thought since you will be going off to college soon and because I would like my car back, you needed your own car. Happy birthday!” She rushed to me, wrapping her arms around me in a quick hug.

I stood motionless, absorbing what she was telling me. They were giving me a car for my birthday? The one thing I had wanted since I was sixteen but knew Mom and Dad couldn’t afford it.

My gaze shifted over to my mom. She schooled her expression into a neutral, generally happy expression, but I could see through it. This was another stab at her inadequacies as a mother, a wife, a provider…a daughter-in-law.

“Grandma Nessa, I can’t possibly…it’s too much.” I shook my head.

“Nonsense. We’ve already purchased it and for a great deal,” she said. “Your mother and father have agreed to it. We will help you with the insurance payments at first, but when you get a job, you will take those over. To understand responsibility.” Understand responsibility? I bit my lip, smothering the sprout of irritation at her zing.

“Don’t you want to go take a look at it?” Dad stood, holding up his hand, a set of keys dangling from them. “It’s in great condition. Still a lot of miles left on it.”

A squeal of delight bubbled up and out into my limbs. I bounced on my toes, running around hugging everyone before snatching the keys from Dad.

“Come on, let’s check that baby out.” Dad’s enthusiasm glinted in his eyes as he proceeded outside with me to my new “used” car.

“It’s pretty.” I petted the hood. The deep red color gleamed under the soft winter sun.

“Let’s take it for a spin.” Dad ran around to the passenger side. The rest of the family walked down the path to join us.

“I wanna go.” Reece ran for me.

“Sorry, squirt.” Mom swooped down and retrieved her. “No car seat.”

“But I wanna go.”

“It’s not safe, little one.” I reached over and rumpled her hair. “But I promise I will get a seat for you so you can ride with me. Okay?” She nodded, content with the compromise.

I slid into the front seat. The soft, warm fabric seats welcomed me against the cold morning air. I shut the door, strapping myself in, my father doing the same next to me.

I turned over the ignition; it roared to life. Anticipation speared fear into my muscles like a drug, shaking my hands and legs. I had driven many times, before the accident. Since then I had somehow avoided getting behind the wheel. The power of the vehicle suddenly felt immense. I gulped.

“Let’s go.” Dad tapped his hand on the console eagerly.

I lifted my hand to shift the car into drive, my tattoo peeking out of my sleeve. Seeing it gave me strength, remembering not to let fear inhibit me but allow me to soar above.

And not be afraid of change, of growth, of being hurt... or loving.

Grandma Penny arrived later in the afternoon for my birthday lunch. She had also been elected to babysit Reece for the night.

My parents had been compelled to attend a football fundraiser at the college where my father worked. My grandparents were generous donors to the football program. They said it was because they loved the game, but I think they hoped their contribution would help advance my father’s career.

At least my birthday got me out of being forced to attend. I didn’t have plans, but my mom didn’t want me to have to babysit on my birthday, probably hoping I would go out with my old friends. I hadn’t the heart to tell her how far from grace I had fallen. Mom had no idea I had no friends and sat in the library reading or hanging out with Mr. Fredrick working on lab research during lunch.

After blowing out my birthday candles and filling myself with chocolate-chip cake, I took a shower. When I entered my room, the bag I threw on the floor by the door was laying across my bed. Along with a sweater of mine. Folded nicely.

Grandma Nessa. I smiled, grabbing the bag. The handle slipped from my hands, and the bag fell, scattering the items across my floor.

My gaze instantly locked on a small sloppily wrapped package. Paper decorated in bright balloons covered the fist-size box. I reached over and picked it up. My throat quivered. Did Stevie slip it into my bag? It didn’t seem like her. She would have shoved it at me and told me to get lost.

I tore into the paper, unwrapping the package. The paper shredded and fluttered to the floor, giving way to a small brown cardboard box. My fingers tugged at the lid, peeling it off. I suddenly struggled to swallow.

A necklace lay on a bed of cotton. A silver feather carved in detail hung on a chain. It looked like one of the feathers on my tattoo. No card or note, but there didn’t need to be. Only one person would give me such a meaningful gift. He had known it was my birthday.

I rose and went over to my mirror and latched the gift around my neck. The necklace dropped past my collarbone, the feather falling right at my breastbone. It was so simple. So little. And it meant more to me than anything. More than a dozen cars ever could.

My hand stroked the charm. The symbolism of his gift almost too much.

Shed your feathers and soar.

Be yourself.

Fly free.

When I had gotten my bag from Stevie’s car to change shirts, he must have slipped it in then.

My body moved before I even had time to think, dashing for the closet. I pulled on a pair of skinny jeans, a deep V-necked shirt, and my boots. I quickly dried my hair and put on a little mascara before bolting from my room.

“You going out?” Mom asked from the kitchen, putting the last of the plates in the dishwasher. Grandma Penny was wrapping the leftovers. Grandma Nessa and Grandpa T had already left for home to get ready for tonight’s gala.

“Yeah.” I grabbed my jacket off the coat hook.

“I thought Stevie had a wedding to go to?” Mom tipped her head.

“I’ll be home by curfew.” I ignored her question.

“Okay. Text me or Grandma Penny if you’re going to be late. Your father and I will be staying at your grandparents’ place tonight.”

“I will.” I went over and gave them both a hug.

Grandma Penny clasped me tightly, leaning into my ear. “It’s your birthday…you’re eighteen now. Stay out and have fun. I won’t tell.”

“Mom, what are you telling her?” My mom crossed her arms.

“Shush, Amy. This is between my beautiful granddaughter and me.” She winked at me. “Now go.”

I gave her another hug before dashing for the door. I grabbed the keys to my new car and stepped into the cold air, the sky already darkening and hinting at the approaching evening.

I wouldn’t let myself think. Reason would stop me. It would let doubt take hold and prevent me from acting. I probably should let sense obstruct me and stop me from being the biggest idiot. But I was way past that.

I slammed the door on logic and was ready to jump off the cliff. Either I’d fall or fly.

Chapter Twenty-Seven

I drove the long, winding road to the Harris’s house. My determination had turned into full-blown nerves, but my foot and hands still kept on the set path. I rolled the jeep up the curved driveway to the glamorous house on the hill. The lights on the path and trimming the house were on, but the house inside was completely dark.

Shit. I didn’t even consider he might not be here. Now it seemed stupid. He hardly ever stayed at the house if he could help it. Probably at Jones’s or Doug’s. Or Krista’s, my mind sang cruelly at me. My brain was telling me to go, relieved no one was here to witness my lapse in judgment, but I hit the brakes.

You’re coming to say thank you. That’s it. Then you can go back home and snuggle in the safety of the couch. Watch a movie with Grandma Penny and Reece. All the reasoning in the world didn’t hold back the truth of why I was really here.

I turned the car off and slid out the door. Halfway up the walkway nerves flooded my lungs with debilitating fear.

Go, before anyone sees you. I turned, heading back down the path.

Shit, Jaymerson. You’re letting fear rule you again. You’re not doing anything wrong. I changed directions again, setting my shoulders with stronger determination.

Go ahead lie to yourself. But we all know you are not here to simply thank him. All day he was the only thing you could think about. He’ll be able to see through you. I stopped, twisting back for the car again.

Stop being a weenie.

“Jaymerson?” Hunter’s voice came out of the dark.

A sharp squeak vaulted from my throat, and I covered my mouth.

“What are you doing?” He leaned against his truck, arms and ankles crossed as if he had been there for a while. The garage door was open, but no light was on, blending him in with the night.

“You scared me.” I dropped my hands, trying to catch my breath.

“Well, your little dance at my front door was starting to frighten me.” He uncrossed his ankles and dropped his arms. “Out of curiosity, I almost let you continue with your internal debate but thought I might be here all night.”

I folded my arms, embarrassment coating me in a sticky sweat.

“Tell me.” He pushed off the car, standing tall. “Which decision would have won in the end?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Don’t tell me you weren’t deliberating between knocking on the door and running like hell before anyone saw you.”

I licked my bottom lip and stared off to the side, not answering.

“What are you doing here, Jayme?” A thin shade of annoyance braided his tone. He moved closer but still kept his distance.

“I came…I came to say thank you.”

“For what?”

Damn him. He always did this to me. Made me voice it.

“The necklace.” My hand automatically went up to touch it. “I love it. Thank you.” His blue eyes grew intense, and I shifted nervously under his gaze. “How did you know it was my birthday?”

“I know things,” he said evenly. I crossed my arms, lifting an eyebrow. “You dated my brother.”

“Yeah.” I tilted my head. “Funny, because Colton never remembered when it was. He thought my birthday was in July.”

“I have a good memory.” Hunter shrugged.

“Well, thank you. Seriously. It’s beautiful.” I touched the charm again.

A hush sprouted between us. Normally it was natural, but tonight it was uneasy. He looked away, clearing his throat. “You doing anything?”

“No. Just playing with my new toy.” I motioned to my jeep.

“Nice.” He scanned the vehicle, walking over to it. “Always wanted a Wrangler, but logistically I couldn’t.”

“Why?” I followed him back over to the jeep.

“Can’t cart or hold things in it,” he responded aloofly, running his hand over the hood. “You’re not going out with your friends?”

“Friends? Like who?” I laughed. “Don’t actually have those anymore.”

“Stevie?”

“She had to go to her cousin’s wedding.”

He nodded, staring over my shoulder. His eyebrows scrunched together.

Oh jeez, you made him uncomfortable. Nice job. Especially when we were getting along so well. I didn’t want him to think I was fishing, or I was following him like a lost puppy or something.

“Well, I only wanted to stop by and say th—”

“You’re coming with me.” He cut me off, his expression relaxed but set with determination.

“Go with you where?”

“I have something to do tonight, and I want you to come.” He glanced back at his truck.

I followed his gaze. It was then I noticed a canvas over the bed of the truck, cords and rope tying down a large object underneath. “What?”

He waggled his head, mischief filled his eyes. “You’ll have to wait and see.”

“What are we doing?”

“Not telling you.” Hunter veered the truck off the freeway, turning toward the fairgrounds near the college. My grandparent’s house was barely ten minutes away on the other side of town. Compared to my pintsize village, this town felt like a city.

‘Event Parking’ signs dotted the road. Traffic grew thick and clogged the closer we got. “Concert? Horse races?” I mulled over ideas. The fair was in the summer, and I had long grown out of finding it fun.

He only grinned, enjoying my uncertainty. A huge poster hung over the entrance, but he turned the car before I could get a good look at it. He drove up to a guy monitoring a parking lot. The teenage boy, a few years younger than us, sauntered up to the car. Skinny, tall, with a mop of brown curls.

“This is the competitor’s par—hey, man. Good to see you.” He grasped for Hunter’s hand.

“Yeah, thanks,” Hunter replied, gripping it back.

“I’m glad you’re back. Show those toshers true talent.” The boy was trying not to gush, but his excitement at seeing Hunter was tangible. Not the usual response, and it piqued my curiosity.

“I need to unload.” Hunter pointed to the back.

“Oh, yeah. Unloading area is there.” The kid pointed to a ramp, a black curtain draped over the large gap allowing people to walk in and out. Someone came through, but blazing light reflected off the window, keeping me from seeing what was going on inside. It was like he coordinated it so I couldn’t figure it out. “Then you can park in the front. I’m telling all your rivals they have to park way out here.” He smirked, pleased with himself.

“Thanks, man.”

“Gonna try and sneak away to watch you. You are the favored leader. I know you got this,” the boy said as Hunter hit the gas, moving deeper into the parking lot.

“Wow, Hunter Harris has a fan boy.” I winked over at the driver.

“Shut up.” He shook his head, but a grin hinted at his mouth. He rolled the car to the front by the main events building. That’s when I saw the giant banner over the doorway.

AMA Supercross Finals. With an image of a guy on a motorbike soaring in the air.

“Supercross?” I stared at the picture in amazement. “You compete?”

Hunter pulled into a front spot. “Yeah. Not bad, either. Something I got into a few years ago.”

“Seriously? How come I didn’t know this about you? How come no one does?” Colton never even hinted his brother was involved in motocross.

He shrugged and unlatched his seatbelt. “I don’t like people knowing my business. Let them think what they want.”

I was envious of the security he had in himself—to not care what people thought, and not defend himself when he knew they were wrong. Everything I thought about Hunter turned to be incorrect. He was nothing like the pot-smoking loser I chalked him up to be.

“Come on. I’m putting you to work.” He slipped out of the truck.

“Work? On my birthday?” I teased.

“Oh, yeah. You are not getting a free ride here.” He untied the rope on his side, flinging it over to me. “You are going to be my assistant.”

I grabbed the rope and unhooked it. He grasped the tarp and pulled it back. I followed, mimicking his actions as he tugged the cover off.

“Wow.” I stared at the bike. It was black with electric-blue stripes down the front and back. It was well used but spotless. The paint reflected the streetlight and gave it a shimmer.

Hunter lowered the tailgate and jumped into the bed of the truck. “This is my baby.” He ran his fingers up the handlebars, his expression besotted.

“It doesn’t have a name or anything?”

His eyes lidded as if I insulted him.

“Do you have a moniker?” I walked around to the back. He stayed quiet as he backed the bike out of the truck. “You do, don’t you?” I grabbed the back wheel, lowering it to the ground as he jumped down, taking the bike back. We stood on either side of it, our gazes finding each other. “Not going to tell me?” I tried to tease, but it came out croaky.

He leaned over and inched close to my face, his breath tickling my lips. Air halted in my lungs. Hunter tilted his head, looking like he was about to kiss me. “You’re going to have to find out for yourself.” His voice sounded low and gravelly. He pulled back, flipped up the tailgate, and strolled with the bike to the entrance.

My heart slammed against my chest, and I inhaled through my nose. I did not like how easily he could twist me into a knot. I shouldn’t have these feelings. He was a friend. That was all.

Say it again, Jaymerson. Maybe this time you’ll believe it.

“Wow, I think you underestimate your ability.” I scanned the enormous arena set in the rodeo/concert stadium. The seats surrounded the event and looked down on the middle, which contained mountains of dirt with a track running through. Hundreds if not a thousand onlookers were already filling in the seats. Wails of motorbikes and rock music blasted through the space, upping the energy in the building.

It was overwhelming but also exhilarating. Excitement pumped in the area, bouncing off me, making my feet bob up and down.

“Hunter Harris.” A black-haired beauty strolled over and looked him up and down, saying his name salaciously. “Was wondering where you were. Good to see you back.”

Air caught in my throat. She was stunning, but her face was so thick with makeup I felt claustrophobic for her skin. She was dressed in a black spandex crop top, pushing her boobs into everyone’s face and displaying her flat, ripped abdomen. A sports drink company logo was stenciled across the front of the shirt. A slip of a black-and-white plaid skirt covered her bottom. Well, covered was a bit of a fabrication.

I peered down at my dark jeans, brown boots, and V-neck T-shirt. They were cute enough when I left but now seemed boring.

“It’s good to be back.” He smiled at the girl.

How can I compare with someone like her? The thought popped into my head, then I quickly shoved it out. Why do you need to compete with her, Jaymerson? He can be with anyone he wants.

“Hey, you all right?” Hunter grabbed my wrist, pulling me up to the table with him.

“Yeah. Fine.” Lie.

The girl’s gaze scoured me, but she kept a smile on her face.

“You’re scowling.” Hunter squeezed my arm and turned back around to face the girl. “Can I get an extra sideline pass?”

Her lips twitched, but the plastered grin didn’t budge. “Of course.” She handed Hunter some promo items, a tag with the number eight on it, along with a pass. He grabbed it and slipped it over my neck, his knuckles brushed my ribs as he brought it down.

“Looks good on you,” Hunter murmured, tilting in close to me. “Never thought you’d be at one of my races.”

“Never knew there were races to be at.”

“You might want to get going. Most are already at the start.” The girl’s voice cut through the small space between us.

Hunter stepped back and nodded. He rolled the bike past the table, with me tailing behind. My brain couldn’t take in all the sights and sounds as we moved closer to the track.

“Let me know if it gets too loud for you,” Hunter said over his shoulder. “I have earplugs if you need them.”

I nodded, taking everything in. Supercross had not been in my realm. I would never have associated with this crowd, which made it even more thrilling to be here now.

We turned the corner, and the large track lay out in front of me. The smell of damp dirt, motor oil, and fumes penetrated the air. A banner hung from the ceiling and showed large images of riders and their bikes.

“Holy shit.” I stopped short. One banner displayed an image of Hunter covered with dirt and mud, wearing blue-and-black riding gear, holding up a trophy. His face bore a smile I had never seen on his face. Utter joy sparked his expression.

“That’s you.”

Hunter looked up and nodded. “It was a couple of months before the accident.”

I was about to ask him more, but he slipped in the swarming crowd mulling around. I jogged forward, trying to keep up.

“It’s The Haze!” A guy passing by patted him on the back.

The deeper we went, the more people responded to him, calling him “The Haze.” Tons of girls similar to the registration girl circled him, waving and smiling. He gave the same little head nod to them all.

“Cuttin’ it close, aren’t you?” A tall, brown-haired guy stepped from the horde, dressed in a biking outfit, taking Hunter’s hand. “Oh, and you brought your good luck charm I see.”

I knew that accent. “Chris!” I grinned seeing the familiar face. “You compete too?”

“Hey, sweetheart.” He swung his arm around my shoulders, drawing me in for a quick squeeze before letting me go. “I do, but I’m nowhere near the level of your boy here.”

Both Hunter and I shifted at the last bit.

Someone yelled Chris’s name, and he waved. “Got to go, man; see you out there.” Chris and Hunter exchanged the guy handshake-pat-on-the-back thing. Chris grabbed my shoulder as he passed. “Next time, bring your girl with you.”

“Call her and ask her yourself. She’d love it here.”

“I might do that.” A secretive smile drew up his lips, then he whirled around, getting lost in the swarm.

“I never thought I’d see the day.” Hunter stared off at Chris in astonishment before twisting back and walking the opposite way.

We only walked a few yards when I heard a girl call for Hunter.

“Hunter!” His friend Megan jogged up to him. She wore her usual army green jacket and black ripped jeans, but had switched the black shirt for a white shirt and black combat boots for red.

“Hey, Megan,” Hunter greeted her. “Did Jones remember to bring my stuff?”

“Yeah, he’s over by the start gate.” Megan pointed, but her attention went to me. Her brown eyes widened in surprise. “You brought her?” Her pierced eyebrow lifted.

Hunter tilted his head, warning her.

“Okay. Your funeral.” She wagged her head in disbelief, her curly black hair brushing over her shoulders. “We’re over here.”

Megan led the way. Hunter, his bike, and I followed. When we reached the starting gate, a man with a headset ran over, conversed with Hunter, and motioned to the starting place.

Commotion was blurry around me, so many things at once, people needing Hunter, wanting to talk with him. I stood to the side.

“Hey.” Megan motioned me over. “This way.”

We went closer to the stands where Jones stood. Doug had a tall, thin blonde girl I didn’t know standing beside him. None of them could hide their surprise at seeing me.

“Jaymerson.” Jones nodded at me.

“Hey,” I said to the group. They stared at me, and I felt like the gawky, uncool kid.

The blonde at the end glowered at me, then spun around and stormed away.

“Uh-oh. Knew this was gonna happen.” Megan sighed, following the blonde. “Krista, wait.”

Krista. That was her? She ran off before I got a good look at her, but she reminded me a bit of Sunny. Was she Hunter’s type? Tall, blonde, pretty, but with a hard edge. Definitely not prudish or naïve.

Jones immediately sidled over to me. Like Megan, he didn’t stray too far from his usual logo T-shirt, jeans, and black chucks, with his ever-present flat-brimmed hat on his head. “Hunter brought you?”

“No.” I turned serious. “I work here. Oh, you probably don’t recognize me out of my sports drink promo outfit.” I pointed at one of the scarcely dressed girls passing by. “They fired me because it actually covered my ass.”

Jones chuckled. “I’d pay money to see that.”

“Me too.” Doug held up his beer, toasting me. I was not surprised to see his staple of worn jeans, black T-shirt with some phrase on it, and a hat on backward. He peered at me like he was trying to place me, even though he had met me several times now. “You were Colton’s girl, right?”

The mood shifted. My face flushed hot, fuming like a volcano as the inside froze over, solidifying in painful shards.

“Dude…” Jones hand went to his face. “Dougie, man, you need to filter that shit.”

“What? She was, right?” He looked back and forth between Jones and me with confusion, not recognizing the blunder he stepped in.

“Doug, you’ve talked to her a dozen times. Driven her home,” Jones exclaimed, holding out his arms.

Doug blinked, looking at me then at Jones. “Huh.” He grinned with a shrug, taking a sip of beer.

He definitely wasn’t the sharpest tool in the shed, but he had such a laidback, happy personality it was easy to let anything stupid he said slide. It didn’t seem intentional or ill intended.

Jones waggled his head back and forth. “Ignore him.” There was something about Jones I really liked.

“Hey.” Hunter came through the crowd toward us. He stood so close the heat from his body crawled down my arm. “You have my stuff?”

“Your gear is all here, man.” Jones picked up a large duffel bag. “Boots too.”

“Thanks for picking it up from Krista’s. Since the accident Mom is even more set against me doing this.” His stuff was at her house? A spike of jealousy rolled my shoulders back. Why was I here if he were hooking up with her? “What happened to Megan and Krista?”

“What do you think, man?” Jones tipped his head at me.

Did they hate me that much? Did she think I was encroaching on her territory? Was I going to have to watch my back? Was a possessive girlfriend or ex-girlfriend coming after me?

“Don’t worry.” Hunter noticed my distress. He tossed the bag over his shoulder. “I need to change. You got her?”

“Yeah,” Jones replied.

“Stay with them.” Hunter’s hand slipped down my arm, leaving goosebumps in its wake. “I’ll catch you after the race.”

I nodded. “Good luck.”

He stared at me for a beat as if he wanted to say or do something. He abruptly circled around and rambled off.

I watched him walk away, his broad shoulders and firm body were all I focused on as craziness swirled around, slowly enveloping him.

Friend. Friend. Friend, I chanted to myself.

Nothing was working.

The lights flooded down on the bikers, people chanting and yelling, while music thumped in the background. I soared along with the collective high of the room and rode the swell, as if I were back on morphine.

“He’s there.” Jones leaned over, yelling into my ear. I followed Jones’s finger to the figure in the middle. The number eight stood out on his chest, and the blue, black, and silver bike vibrated below him.

A barely dressed girl walked out onto the track, holding up a sign with the number thirty on it. The engines revved louder with the excitement in the room.

“Means they have thirty seconds before they start. When she turns it sideways, they have about five,” Jones explained, pointing at the girl.

A few beats after she turned it the individual gates in front of the contestants folded down, letting the bikes loose. Dirt, engines, and screams billowed in the air, stoking my feet to dance around. The announcer’s voice sped as fast as the bikes. Hunter quickly gained speed, lurching into the front of the pack.

“Yes! He got the holeshot,” Jones exclaimed, cheering. I gathered it was a good thing. Hunter’s number was in the lead, curving around the first corner.

“What’s a holeshot?”

“The start is the most important part, it can set the entire race. You want to be the first one to get around the corner and ahead of the rest who are all fighting to do the same thing. If you get it, it’s called a holeshot.”

“Got it.” I nodded, watching Hunter’s bike bounce over a dozen tiny mounds, other riders catching up to him.

Doug slapped his hands on the rail. “Dude, that asshole is such a goon rider.”

“Zack?” Jones seemed to know exactly who he was referring to.

“Yeah.” Doug nodded. “Hate him.”

“Wait… Zack?” I repeated. “You mean the douchebag who was at the hunt last night? He’s out there?”

“Yeah, number fifteen.” Jones jerked his head toward the racetrack.

Now Zack’s quips in the maze and his Neanderthal knuckle-dragging made sense to me.

The motorbikes moved through the course, a few nipping at Hunter’s back wheel. Nerves gnawed at my stomach lining while my nails dug into my palms. “Come on, Hunter,” I screamed.

His motorbike went high in the air, and he gripped the handles and twisted the frame of the bike right and left.

“See that?” Jones indicated at Hunter. “It’s called a whip.”

Whatever it was called, it was impressive. “He’s really good at this.” It wasn’t a question.

“Are you kidding? Your boy—” Jones caught himself. “He is one of the best in the state. Before the accident he was on his way to the championships. He was being looked at by the top factories to become one of their riders.”

“Before? Can he get back there again?”

“It’s what tonight is for, to get back in the ring. This is his first race since the accident.”

“First? Tonight?” He gave no hint how important the night was.

“Yup,” Jones confirmed. “He could go professional someday.”

My head could not wrap around this new side of Hunter. At school people treated him like a loser. They had no idea outside those brick walls he was worshipped by men and fawned over by women. Seeing him out there was as if I had finally walked through the dark tunnel into the light and saw the real Hunter. Entered Wonderland where everything was the opposite of what I thought. I was honored he allowed me to see it, be a part of it.

The buzz of all the engines made it hard to talk, but I was solely focused on Hunter anyway. The way he shifted, soared, and curved around the route. A biker hovered close to him, riding his butt as they started to curve around another corner.

“Zack is trying to block pass. On a corner,” Doug shouted out, waving his arm in the air with irritation.

I saw Hunter’s helmeted head turn to look over his shoulder, pushing his bike faster to get away from him. Zack swerved, nipping at Hunter’s back tire, and the wheels collided again. A crunching sound broke through the engine wails. My heart faltered in my chest.

The two motorbikes slid out from under the riders as they rounded the turn and smashed into the wall. Another bike tried to veer out of the way but twisted too sharply. He and his bike crashed to the ground, skidding into the wall, right where Hunter was.

I heard a gasp from the crowd and from myself.

“Number 8, 20, and 14 are down,” the announcer called over the speakers. “This is disappointing for The Haze, just returning. He needs this win to get back on the circuit.”

“Jaymerson!” I realized I was running when I heard Jones call my name. My shoulder bashed against people as I tore through the crowd. “Jaymerson, where are you going?” I ignored him and kept going, trying to get myself as near as I could.

“Dude, girl... you can’t go out there.” Jones grabbed my arm as he caught up with me.

“Is he okay?” Panic strained my vocals. “I can’t see him!”

Doug rushed to the other side of me. I pushed up on my toes to see the track better, scanning the chaos circling the fallen drivers. Paramedics with portable emergency treatment bags ran out.

“There he is.” Doug pointed. In a black, white, and blue uniform, number eight lay on the ground, an EMT squatted next to him as they pulled a bike off him. He was not moving.

Oh god. No. Please, I can’t lose him. Once again I was running for Hunter, not thinking, purely acting.

“Miss? Miss? You can’t go out there,” staff members shouted at me, their hands stretching to grab me, but I slipped through, dodging their reach.

I ran to Hunter and skidded to my knees through the dirt as I got near.

“Excuse me. You shouldn’t be here,” the EMT shouted at me.

“Hunter?” I ignored her, reaching for him. “He’s been in a previous accident and had injuries in his lower spine and legs. You need to look for swelling—”

Hunter’s hand grabbed my wrist, stopping me mid-sentence.

“What are you doing?” he muffled through his helmet. “Taking this woman’s job?”

A relieved laugh popped out. “Are you okay?”

He reached up to slip off his helmet. The EMT stopped him. “We need to check you out first.”

“I’m fine.” He pushed past our hands and tugged off his helmet, sweat lined his face and patted down his hair. Of course, it only made him sexier. “Just got the wind knocked out of me.”

“I really should—” she started again.

“No. I’m fine.” He pushed himself up, both of us rising with him. “Seriously.”

The paramedic hesitated but nodded and left us.

“You should have told me you wanted to play doctor.” He peered down at me with a grin, then looked over my shoulder. “It’s okay, she’s with me.”

I twisted my neck to see a security guard walking up. He nodded and changed direction.

“Sorry. Growing up with my father.” I shrugged, embarrassed.

“No.” A bad-boy grin curled the side of his face. “I like that you’re worried about me. But I’m fine. I’ve taken a lot worse hits in my career.”

“So…are you out of the race now? The announcer said this was your return. You needed to win to continue on.”

“Because of my status they’ll give me LCQ.” He noticed my furrowed brown. “Means last chance qualifier. Gives those of us who had a bad first heat a last chance to qualify for the main event.” He lifted his gaze, looking into the stands, the crowd cheering and chanting. “Now get your ass off the course, Jaymerson Vanessa, because if the guards don’t drag you out of here, I will. You and I are too reckless together to be around a dozen moving motorbikes.”

“And the winner of the Tenth Annual AMA Supercross Finals...” The announcer punched each word with a higher emphasis. “Hunter “The Haze” Harris!” Hunter’s bike sailed over the finish line, shooting into the air. He threw his arms out, holding on to the bike with his thighs. His hands returned to the handlebars the moment the front touched the ground.

Jones whooped next to me. “Fuck, yeah!”

The crowd went insane—screaming, cheering, and jumping up and down. It reminded me of when our football team won state. Now TV cameras, magazine reporters, and fans all tried to get to Hunter. He got off the bike, and a staff member took it from him. He held up his hands in victory, and the fans screamed louder. He then jogged to the sidelines and scanned the area where we were. My intestines squeezed, folding in on themselves. Was he looking for me? He found me, his eyes latching on to mine.

He wiggled his two fingers, motioning me to come.

“Go.” Jones nudged me.

I pushed through hordes of onlookers. The crowd seemed to understand and parted, making room for me to get through. The energy buzzed in me; the adrenaline of the race rushed in my blood. He stood a few feet away, and I rushed into his arms. He picked me up, swinging me around.

“So proud of you,” I whispered into his ear. His only response was to grip me tighter, his head digging in the crook of my neck. I could feel his breath. His body dirty and sweaty. It was heaven.

He set me back on my feet, his hand brushing across my face, his gaze dropped to my mouth. The outside world disappeared, blurring around at the edges. Sound became distant and muffled.

We can’t do this.

I know.

The memory of our words whispered in my ear.

It was like he heard them as well. He stepped back and tore his gaze from mine to the dozens of people trying to get his attention.

“Hunter. How does it feel to be back on top after such a horrible accident?” A beautiful brunette stuffed her microphone into his face. Her camera man came around, knocking into me.

Hunter turned to her with a flirty smile. “I won’t lie. It’s awesome.” He continued to rattle on, answering more of her questions. Her body language was fully turned to him, her eyes sparkling with attraction.

I stepped back and let the crowd absorb me.

We kept pretending we were friends, hinting at more, then backing away when daylight forced us to acknowledge the reality of our situation. Too much stood between us. Emotions we could not deny. History we couldn’t forget.

Hurt speared at my chest, and I tried to shove it away. This was his moment, and it was amazing. It stung to watch him, his eyes scanning the girl interviewing him. She was young and sexy, dressed in tight black jeans and a red tank top, her long hair curled in waves.

It’s for the better. He should be with someone like her. My feet moved back, veering me to an exit. Air. I need air. When I reached the way out, instinct turned me to look at him once more.

His interview was done, and several promo girls were hanging on him for pictures. The blonde next to him grabbed his face and kissed him. The crowd went crazy. He pulled away, gazing into the stands with an enormous grin. Then leaned back in, kissing her. Hard. The crowd cheered even louder.

Emotion strangled my windpipes. I whirled around and broke through the large doors to the other side.

It wasn’t fair to be angry. I recognized that, but my pain didn’t care. I bit back the tears wanting to explode from under my lids. No. I will not cry. The frustration at the fact I didn’t have a right to cry prodded me more. I ran to his truck, falling against it. I leaned over my knees, sucking in gulps of cold air. It stung my lungs, but I liked it. Woke me up.

“Jaymerson?” My name came through the night.

Even though a tear hadn’t fallen, I automatically wiped at my eyes, brushing the emotion off my face.

“Jayme?” Jones called again.

“Yeah?” I straightened, forcing my voice several levels lighter than I felt. “What’s up?”

Jones’s black Converse shoes scraped over the concrete as he walked to me. “I saw you run out here and I thought…?”

“Thought what?” I smiled. It felt false and wrong. My “everything is okay” demeanor was like trying to wiggle back into an outfit I had outgrown.

Jones tilted his head. He wasn’t buying it either. “You want a ride home?”

He had thrown me a raft. The sudden urge to hug him took over, but I kept the impulse in check. “I left my car at Hunter’s.”

“No worries. I’ll take you there so you can get it.”

“That would be great. Thanks.” I nodded. “I actually told my family I’d be home early so we could celebrate my birthday. Cake or something.” More lies.

“It’s your birthday?”

“Yeah.” I blinked and stared at the moon.

“Happy birthday.”

“Thanks.”

“My car is this way.” Jones pointed to the far end. “Way out there.”

We finally found Jones’s black Honda Civic covered in logos parked in the back part of a field. The inside was clean, which surprised me. We climbed in, and he turned on the engine. Hard rock music blared from the stereo. Guitars wailed, a man roughly screaming lyrics, with a strong drum base in the background.

“Sorry.” He twisted the knob.

“It’s okay. Driver has full music control.”

He smiled and nodded, but he kept the music low. We stayed wordless most of the drive, though I could feel Jones wanting to say something by the way he looked over at me and stirred in his seat. He turned up the steep curving road to the Harris’s house, and he cleared his throat.

Here it comes.

“Hunter’s a good guy. One of the best.”

My gaze went into my lap, my fingers twisting together.

“But after everything, he’s not thinking clearly.” Jones stumbled around his words. I could tell he was trying to get out his thoughts while not offending me. “Between Colton, the accident, his parents, and...” Jones sucked his bottom lip in, then blew out. “I think you are confusing him.”

“Confusing him?”

“I get you’ve gone through a lot, too, but I know him. He may appear to be fine, but believe me, he’s not. I can see why he would turn to you. But—”

“But he shouldn’t,” I finished for him.

“No.” Jones’s face filled with regret. He turned the car into the Harris’s driveway, the house sat dark and forbidding. Jones idled his car behind my Jeep. “Sorry, but I think you are making it worse. When he sees you, he sees Colton. Maybe being around you is his way of not feeling so guilty or accountable.”

“Like he is taking care of Colton’s girl?” Irritation and guilt set my jaw together.

“Or in a small way, being with Colton again. You guys share those memories. Reliving the past.”

But it was exactly the opposite of Hunter’s and my relationship. We avoided and barely ever dwelled on memories of Colton. Our relationship did not stem from a need to live in Colton’s memories. Still I understood what Jones was saying. Here was another person telling us what we were blind to the unhealthy connection between us. After a while there were only so many warnings you could push away before you started to listen.

“Hunter’s life is very complicated. So I’m saying this for you too. He couldn’t be the person you’d want him to be. He can’t…” Jones dwindled off. It seemed like he was holding something back. More secrets. “Even if he wanted to be.”

“Thank you for the ride, Jones.” I pulled the handle, opening the door. “And I appreciate your advice. You care about him. I do too.” I took a breath then climbed out of the car. “I want the best for him too. I’ll back away.”

“Thanks,” Jones responded. “I like you, Jaymerson. You’re different from what I thought, but he’s like my brother. I look out for him first.”

“As you should.” I pushed the door shut. “Night, Jones.”

I didn’t let him respond before I walked around my car and opened the door. The car headlights flickered over me as he reversed, pulling out, and driving down the road. The sound of his music suddenly filled the night with screeching, thumping, and wailing.

Just like my heart.

Chapter Twenty-Eight

I pulled my jeep into the driveway, my parents’ car absent, Grandma Penny’s at the curb. I got out, locking my door. Walking up the drive, the sound of a car rumbled behind me. Twisting, I glanced over my shoulder. Hunter’s truck screeched to a stop behind my car.

Thump. Thump. My heart threw itself against my ribs.

He climbed from the truck. His bike was thrown hastily in the back, not even tied down.

“What the fuck, Jaymerson!” He stomped up the path, storming over to me. “What the hell happened to you? You take off without telling me?”

Indignation ran frenzied up my spine and out my mouth. “I can do whatever I want without having to ask your permission.” I shot at him. “We are not together. We’re not even friends.”

“What?” His lids narrowed.

“Go home, Hunter.”

“What is going on?” Fury blazed in his eyes. “Did Jones say something to you?”

“No.”

“Then tell me what changed from an hour ago?”

“Nothing changed. That’s our problem, Hunter. We need to stay away from each other, so we can grow and heal.”

“Jesus, Jayme. You sound like the therapists.”

“Well, maybe we should listen to them. All of them. No one thinks this is healthy.” I motioned between us.

“What do you think?” Hunter’s voice went deep, almost like a challenge.

“They’re probably right. We obviously can’t see it.”

“No,” he growled. “What do you think?”

I picked up my chin. “Seeing you kiss that girl was exactly what I needed to open my eyes.” His clenched his teeth, not responding. I turned back for the front door.

“Jayme, wait.” He lunged, grabbing my wrist.

I glanced down at his hand, pulling from his grasp. “No. I’m done.”

“I’m sorry.”

“There is nothing to be sorry for.”

“Dammit, Jaymerson,” Hunter growled.

“What?” I yelled.

He rubbed his face, which was still streaked with dirt.

“Goodbye, Hunter.” I sighed and reached for the door handle.

“Do you know why I kissed her?” he shouted. I stopped. “Because I didn’t kiss you.”

“What?” I whirled around. “What the hell does that mean? Makes no sense.”

“The first time we could chalk it up to our mutual sorrow getting the best of us. You wanted me to be Colton.” His words came out angry and sharp. “Even last night, after being in his room, you were searching to not feel lonely anymore. For a moment the pain stops. But tonight…in front of everyone. This time would have been us…”

It was not Colton I wanted the night in the physical therapy room or him I was thinking about when I crawled into Hunter’s bed. It had been Hunter. Completely.

“I kissed her because I knew, for once, you weren’t thinking of Colton. You saw me. Finally.”

“So…you kissed another girl?”

“Yes,” he bellowed. In the distance I could hear dogs barking in response to our commotion. The whole neighborhood probably heard us. I was glad my parents were gone. Grandma Penny was too hard of hearing to wake up. “Because with her it was simple. Easy. You, shit…there is nothing simple or easy about us.” He tipped his head back. “And when you learn the truth…”

“What truth?”

He glanced away, his dimple twitching. His muteness continued, the crickets, yapping dogs, and distant car noises emphasized our silence.

I grabbed the door handle. It clicked in my hand.

Hunter let out a frustrated growl and uncertainly said, “It was me.”

I stopped, more out of confusion than anything. “What?” I turned to look at him. “Is this supposed to be some great confession?”

“No.” He shrugged. “Yes.”

“Which is it?” His silence twisted frustration deep in my heart. This time I knew when I walked through the door it would be for good. I turned to the door.

He limped forward. “Stop.”

“Then talk.”

Another noise came his throat. “You know the night at the lake? Your anniversary. The ‘moment’ you said when you knew you loved Colton?”

“Yes.”

He took another step; the tips of his shoes brushed mine. “It was me.”

“What?” I stepped back. “What are you talking about?”

“I was with you the night at the lake. Not Colton.”

“No. No.” My head wiggled back and forth in protest, a sinking ship plummeting in my stomach. “Why are you saying this?”

“Because it’s true.”

“Shut. Up.” The words hurled out of my mouth. “How can you say these things? Your brother’s dead. Are you that much of an asshole? So jealous of him you have to taint my memories of him?”

Hunter’s hand reached for my arm.

“Don’t touch me.” I slapped his hand, but he dodged my flaying hands and clutched both of my biceps. “Let me go!”

“I am not lying to you.” He strained against my struggles trying to keep me in place. “I loved him. More than anything. He was my brother. But he was not what everyone thought.”

“Shut up!” Tears pricked under my lids, filling my eyes.

“Listen to me.” He shook me. “Do you want to know why it was me instead of him?” Hunter leaned in closer to my face. “Do you want to know what your perfect boyfriend was doing that night?”

“No,” I seethed, pulling against his hold.

“Colton liked you. A lot. You were perfect to have as a girlfriend, on his arm at school and games, but you were naïve and innocent. Perfect to date, but behind your back? He loved the attention of other girls far too much. And he got a lot of it. He wasn’t faithful to you. You know that, right? He cheated on you all the time.”

“Stop it! Stop lying to me!” My voice rang in my ears, echoing down the block.

“I shouldn’t have done it. I know it was wrong. I’m sorry, Jaymerson.”

I slapped his face. “Screw you.”

“You tried, remember?”

I shoved him, his balance faltering a little before he grabbed my hands, holding them away from striking him again.

“I stopped it. I’ve done a lot of messed-up things, but I would never have crossed that line.”

“Aren’t you my hero?” Hot tears pricked at my eyes.

“Far from.”

“And what about the night on the floor of physical therapy? When you were pulling down my underwear. You weren’t such a good guy then.”

A nerve twitched along his jaw, his expression filling with fury. “Don’t you dare act like you didn’t want it to happen. That’s bullshit. I was not taking advantage or deceiving you.” He ground down on his jaw. “It was the most completely honest you’ve ever been with yourself. You just couldn’t admit it to yourself.”

“You twisted asshole. Do you get off on this? Telling lies?” I ripped my hand from his, shoving my palms against his chest. Anger fired every muscle in my body. No…this can’t be true. Betrayal, humiliation, and rage thundered through me.

“You can pretend you don’t know the truth, but you do, Jaymerson.” He pulled me into him, lining our bodies. “You always have. Don’t tell me deep down you didn’t sense the difference that night. You knew it wasn’t Colton touching you.” Hunter’s fingers clasped the sides of my face, his breath trailing over my lips as he leaned in. His voice going low and grave. “Kissing you. Making you go crazy.”

My body was betraying me, desiring his closeness. But fury and pain overrode everything. “No.” I jerked away, stepping from his grasp. “It was Colton. Of course you look alike, but even I’m not that stupid.” Yet I heard the doubt in my voice. I remember how different he was that night. How I felt he truly saw through me, deep in my soul. The undeniable chemistry, I had never experienced before then, suddenly flared between us. Our connection was stronger than it ever had been before or after. Like the magnet had finally flipped.

“Come on, Jayme.” He tossed out his arms. “I dressed in his clothes, drove his car, shaved and cut my hair. It was easy since it was summer. I made sure we barely ever saw each other during the three months, and it grew back by school.”

“You made sure?” I snarled. “So your sick, perverse plan could never be found out?”

“No.” He shook his head. “Because I couldn’t handle seeing you.”

Confusion, hurt, and fury boiled through my veins, burning. I turned for the door.

“Jay—”

“Stay away from me.” I held up my hand, walking backward. “Don’t ever come near me again.” I ran inside, slamming the door behind me.

I needed to barricade myself away from what I knew deep down to be true.

I had fallen in love that night. Only not with Colton.

Sleep did not come. My brain could not stop revolving back to the evening by the lake, looking for clues I missed, telling me definitely one way or the other. Then it would remember tiny things like Colton wearing a long-sleeved shirt in June and as soon I went to take it off, he stopped me. Was it because Hunter didn’t want me to see the distinctive tattoos on his body? I tried to think of another reason. Maybe it was a coincidence.

No. This can’t be true. But I knew Hunter wouldn’t lie about something like this. It was beyond twisted. And I could easily ask him a question only the person there would know.

I kept trying to find the holes I had missed with Colton. How many times had he received a call from a girl and pinned it on Hunter? How many times did he leave me after a date and go sleep with another girl? Did he sleep with Savannah? Was it why she always pined over him?

I flopped angrily to my side, my bed more like a torture device. My body was too restless to get comfortable. I threw off my covers and sat up, my feet brushing the rug. The bed creaked as I stood and walked over to my dresser and opened the drawer. The frameless picture of Colton and I lay inside. After clearing off my chest of clutter the other night, nothing breakable had survived and now it lay bare of ornamentation.

My finger skated lightly over Colton’s face. He was becoming a stranger to me. Did we know each other at all? Colton wasn’t big on “serious” talk. He never asked me about my dreams or fears. It was always pretty superficial stuff, except the night by the lake. I couldn’t deny it was strange it was the only night Colton had suddenly turned quiet and introspective.

All the things I told him about my secret hopes of getting out of this town and traveling the world. He had said he wanted the same thing. I had found it odd because Colton never talked about wanting to venture past a football stadium.

“What else makes you happy, Jaymerson Holloway?”

“What makes me happy...? Um…wow…that’s sad, isn’t it?”

“Cheerleading? School?”

“Yeah, of course cheerleading. I can’t say school does, but I like getting good grades. Makes my parents happy. I guess friends, family, a great boyfriend. The usual. I’m a simple girl.”

“I think you’re wrong there. You are anything but simple, and I think none of those things actually makes you happy. You say it because it’s what you’re supposed to say.”

How could I have been so stupid? So blind? Could I really not have been able to tell the difference between them?

“Don’t confuse me for my brother, Jaymerson. I am not the nice twin.”

“Believe me, Hunter, I could never confuse you two.”

“Really?”

“Definitely.”

My hand curled around the photo, and I had to force myself not to crumble it into a ball. I shoved it back in the drawer and slammed it shut. Reaching over, I plucked my mobile off the desk, typing frantically. I didn’t care if it was three thirty in the morning.

Answer me this. What did you ask me at the lake? And what did I say I secretly wanted to do?

Unless he was actually there, he couldn’t know this. I placed my phone down, figuring I probably wouldn’t hear anything till a more reasonable hour, but my phone buzzed instantly. He wasn’t sleeping either.

My fingers timidly picked it back up, nerves in my shoulders coiling like snakes. I pressed the button to open the message from Hunter.

I asked you what makes you happy.

Another text came in.

You want to study art abroad. Travel the world. And I said I did too. I may have pretended to be Colton, but everything I said was true.

A cry lodged in my throat, and I dropped my phone like it stung me, sitting back on my bed. My gut knew the truth as my heart held the last bit of hope, grasping for the rope before it fell. I scooted back into my headboard, letting the facts cascade down on me. I waited to flip out or become so ragingly mad the hulk would be frightened, but nothing happened.

Deep down, I had sensed it the whole time; the connection with Hunter was unlike any other. An instant spark that ignited my blood. I hadn’t wanted to see something had ultimately been lacking between Colton and me.

My cell hummed again. Meet me. Tomorrow night. No time or place, but I wasn’t going to ask. Besides, I never wanted to see him again.

Chapter Twenty-Nine

The moon was so large and bright you could see deep into the shadows. I drove my jeep off the designated parking lot, taking it across the grass and closer to the water. The spot I was headed for was already occupied.

I gulped; the trickle of recognition rushed through me. A familiar navy-blue truck sat in the exact spot where Colton/Hunter and I came for our anniversary. The lake was now deserted, cold, and quiet, but I could see that night play before me like it was a movie.

My boots stomped on the brake, my fingers primed on the steering wheel, ready to turn around and fly out of here. But my hands didn’t crank the wheel, nor did my foot push the gas. The same draw, the magnetic pull I felt every time I saw Hunter kept me from fleeing. Deep down, it’s why you came here, Jaymerson. You knew he’d be here. You are tired of pretending. You want to know the truth. The full truth, the nibbling voice inside me said.

“Dammit.” I hit the steering wheel, decision made. I took my foot off the pedal, letting it coast closer to his truck. I put it in park and slid from the car, shutting the door.

The moon sprinkled beams down on the trees and lake, the water reflecting the light. I saw his form sitting on the edge of the open tailgate.

He glanced over his shoulder but quickly went back to watching the water. I strolled over to him, coming around the back of the truck to face him. I stuffed my hands in my pockets, staring at my boots, the icy temperatures nipping at my nose and ears.

Neither one of us spoke. Tension sprouted under us like grass.

“You came,” he finally said, keeping his gaze out on the lake.

“Yes.” I kicked at an imbedded rock in the dirt. “Only because I have questions.”

He nodded. “Go ahead, ask me.”

There were many things I wanted to know, but one popped out of my mouth first. “Why did you do it?”

He toed at his boot. “Ask me an easier one.”

My hand fisted in my pocket. “Fine, we’ll start with Colton. How many others were there?”

“It’s not important.”

I nodded, pinching my mouth together. “That many, huh?”

Hunter stayed silent.

“Anyone I know?”

“A few, but mostly college girls.”

“Any of the girls in our group? Like Savannah?”

“No.” Hunter shook his head. “He wasn’t stupid. He kept it out of the circle. And he didn’t like any of them in that way. He actually wouldn’t go after a friend’s girl.”

Unlike us.

I could now recall how much Colton’s phone would buzz, all times of night and day. He told me it was friends, Coach, Hunter. What a fool I had been.

“What else?” I asked. Hunter looked down at his boots, immediately telling me there was more. “Tell me. I think I deserve to know.”

“Even in death there is still an oath to my brother.”

“Tell me.” I moved to him. “Hunter, I need to know the truth. All of it. I don’t want to be the fool anymore.”

He nodded, his gaze still not connecting with mine. “He has a kid.”

I froze. “Wha-what?”

“My winnings from motocross went to a couple of girls to ‘take care’ of things. He didn’t want to ask our parents for money.” Hunter spoke low, his arms and legs crossed in a defensive pose. “But one of them came to him, told him she was pregnant and was keeping it.”

“He has a kid?” My head shook in disbelief. My brain couldn’t wrap around how blind I had been. How little I saw of the real Colton. I assumed it was Hunter who always needed Colton when in reality it was the other way around.

“Cute guy. Looks just like him.”

“And you.” I rubbed my face, not sure how to soak in the news.

“The night of the accident I came to get him because the baby got really sick. The mother was freaking out and called me. She kept screaming for me to get Colton.” His breath coiled in the air. “But now, I keep thinking, what if I had gone there myself? Left Colton out of it like I normally did? Not forced him to go…” He paused. “Or if I demanded I drive. He’d still be alive.”

I eavesdropped that night, and I remember them fighting about something. I thought it was about Hunter. Seeing it through different eyes, it sickened me how Colton put all the blame on Hunter, letting me believe he was the one helping Hunter out. Jason McKee’s party was more important to him than his own child.

“I wish I’d stood up and not let him drive. Believe me, every day I regret not stopping him,” I responded. “But the baby was Colton’s responsibility. He should have been there. Not you. Do your parents know?”

“They believe it’s mine.” Hunter lifted his head, peering at me. “I claimed him.”

Now I understood why Hunter was rumored to have the kid.

“Why would you do this?”

“Ever since we were babies, Colton had this power over me. I always gave him the better toys, the bigger scoop of ice cream. I was only older by minutes, but I felt this protectiveness over him.” Hunter shrugged. “My parents would expect an illegitimate child from me. Colton had a clear path, which would be ruined: his football scholarships, top-tier college, reputation. You.”

More of Hunter’s character came clear to me. “Are you serious? You took responsibility for Colton’s baby because you were the alleged fuck-up, so why not?”

“Pretty much.”

“That’s crazy, Hunter.” I threw out my arms. “No wonder Colton wouldn’t be held accountable, or be serious, or care…you did it for him. We all did. We coddled him. He could get away with anything because of my ignorance, your willingness, and your parents’ delusions.”

He pushed himself off the back of the tailgate. “Don’t judge me. I did it because I loved him.”

“You let him walk all over you. Our difference is I didn’t know he was walking all over me.”

“And if you did?” His eyebrow lifted. “You would have laid down, taken it, and asked for more.”

“Fuck you,” I growled. I wanted to believe I wouldn’t have, but the girl then might have. It pissed me off.

“You put on blinders. The denial came with popularity, cheerleading, football players, and parties,” he accused, getting into my face.

I screamed, pushing his chest. “I wasn’t the one who took out his girlfriend so he could go get laid!”

“And I was the one who almost did.” He angled his head to the side.

Rage burned my cheeks. “Don’t tell me you didn’t get off on messing with me. I’m surprised you didn’t go all the way…tell your friends how the stupid cheerleader screwed you because she was too dumb to tell the difference.” He jerked back at my words, his shoulders rising with fury. “You say I was in denial. Look at yourself. You claim a child for him, ran when he called, used your own money for his conquests, dated his girlfriend. Who are you without him?”

“Better? Worse? What do you want me to say?” Hunter roared. “I’m both. How horrible am I for feeling I might be better without him leaning on me? But no matter what, I want him here. I’d rather be a fucked-up mess if it meant he was still alive!” Hunter spun away from me, walking to the edge of the lake.

The lapping of water and rasp of the breeze between the trees accompanied our heavy breathing.

“How could you do that to me?” At the time he didn’t know or like me, but it still felt like a betrayal to me now.

Hunter looked up at the sky, his shoulders dropping.

“Colton wasn’t just going out to get laid. It was important. But even if he had been, I probably would have still agreed to do it.” Hunter swung around, all pretense gone.

“Why?” I whispered, moving closer. “So you could laugh at me? Revel in how blind and stupid I was?”

“No. Of course not.”

“Then why?”

“Because of you.”

“Me?” I stilled, motioning to myself. “Why me? You didn’t even like me. We couldn’t tolerate each other till a few months ago.”

“Yeah…” He chuckled, lacking any humor.

“What do you mean?”

He licked his lips, glancing at the ground. “I convinced myself I hated you. I had to.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Because.” Annoyance coated his words. “I was actually in love with you.”

My mouth gaped. “What?”

“Do you know how hard it was to hear you say you loved me but it was for him? Especially because in the moment it felt like you were saying it to me. Not Colton, but me.” He crunched his fists into his forehead. “Jesus, this is all so messed up.”

“Wait.” I held out my hand. “Go back.”

He shifted his weight, running his hand through his hair.

“You said was...” The dread in my lungs made it hard to breath. “You were, but not anymore?”

“Would it make a difference?”

“Uh. Yeah.”

“Why?” He threw his arms up. “Is either one going to make it okay?” No, but it made a hell of a difference to me.

“But you acted like you hated me?”

He blew out air. “It was simpler. And it got easier after the night here. A part of me was angry you didn’t notice the difference. Didn’t see through the façade. Then I started to convince myself you were not the girl I thought, no more than any other superficial cheerleader my brother hung out with. You guys were perfect for each other.”

I was then. But no matter how shallow I let myself become, the boy I was with at the lake was my anchor. No matter how jerky Colton would act sometimes, or how hollow our relationship felt at times, I always had that night. The moment when I knew I loved him.

It just had been the wrong brother.

“It’s funny, because you were not my type. Any other time I could have easily brushed a girl like you off and forgotten, but everything changed when we did the project together in English class last year, remember?”

I did. It had felt like the longest, most painful week ever.

“The more I seemed to annoy you, the more this other person came out. She was fierce, smart, opinionated, strong, funny, stubborn, and passionate. I knew I was the only one who truly saw the girl beneath. I think I went out of my way to piss you off just to get you riled.” Now it made sense why he made that week extra hellish for me. “I couldn’t stop thinking about you. Watching when something made you laugh or secretly annoyed you. I can’t explain it, but you were like a magnet to me. An attraction I wanted to ignore, but I couldn’t, no matter how hard I tried.” He huffed out. “Still can’t.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

He snorted.

“Or even hint about Colton cheating?”

“I wasn’t going to be the one to tell you. And be honest, you would have never listened or believed me.” He was right. I wouldn’t have then. I would have just hated him more. “And frankly, I thought it was obvious. You would eventually see.” He shoved his hands in his pockets. “I knew I could never be with you and watch you with my brother. It was the only way I could move on.”

His confession altered things. It no longer felt like such a betrayal what he did. There was a long silence, both of unsure where this left us.

“What now?” I asked quietly, watching the lake slap against the shore.

“What do you mean?” he responded. “This doesn’t change anything.”

“What? How can you tell me this doesn’t change things?”

“I’m still not good for you.”

“Not good for me?” I sputtered with a laugh. “You sound like you’re the bad boy from the other side of the tracks. Your parents own half the town. Going by that, I’m actually the one from the wrong side of town.”

“Money does not make you good. Believe me.” He took a step back. “I’m not going to an Ivy school or getting a cushy office job in my father’s business.”

“Do you think I care?”

“Yes, eventually you will. I will never be what you need.” He stepped away, heading to his truck. My feet moved to him without a thought, my hands reaching for his face. He halted, stiffening at my touch.

“You are exactly what I need.” I forced his chin down to look me in the eyes. “The only thing.”

Hunter sucked in a sharp breath.

“I don’t care what everyone else thinks. You make me feel alive. Happy. I can be completely myself. Real.”

His eyes searched mine, and he pressed his lips together. His face showed no emotion.

“Hunter?” A sinking sensation dropped my stomach.

“I’m going to kiss you.”

A relieved grin toyed over my mouth, my heart leaping in my throat. “Are you asking me?”

“No.” Hunter shook his head, his voice gravelly and low. “I was preparing you.” His hands grabbed my face and pulled me to him. His lips met mine with intensity. I greedily kissed him back, desire sizzling along my spine.

His hands clutched my sides and picked me up. I wrapped my legs around him as he carried me, pushing me back against the jeep. His body pressed into me with force. I could feel every inch of him, and it still wasn’t close enough.

Hunger. Desperate. Raw. I bit at his bottom lip and he growled, parting my mouth more, his tongue exploring. My thighs tightened around him, matching his fervor. His fingers went to the back of my head, gripping my hair with a firm tug. I groaned.

His hands scooted under my ass, and he carried me to his truck. The tailgate was still down, and he deposited me on it. His mouth never left mine as he tore off his jacket, stuffing it behind me. I tugged at the bottom of his shirt, ripping it over his head. It was cold, but his skin was hot against my touch. My fingers skated down his abs and over every toned muscle. Freedom to explore, touch, and kiss. I ran my hands over his tattoo, then leaned over, skating my lips over the dragon. He yanked my sweater over my head, leaving me only in my bra and jeans. My hair tickled my exposed arms and back. He tipped me back on his coat as he crawled between my legs, laying his weight on top of me, his bare chest on mine.

It made me dizzy. This was when fear usually kicked in. The need to say I wasn’t ready. Except it didn’t kick in with Hunter. It never had. Fire replaced fear. Every inch of me burned for him.

His lips devoured me, and I pushed back with more need. My fingers slid to his jeans, popping each button open till I could glide my hands under, cupping his ass over his boxer briefs. I pulled him into me, rubbing myself against him.

“Fuck, Jaymerson.” He sucked in air, his voice gruff.

“The idea.” I bit at his ear.

“You need to stop doing that.”

“Why?”

He pulled back enough to look in my eyes. “In the back of a truck?”

“Stop thinking I’m the girl who has her wedding planned and wants the perfect guy or date.” I ran my hands over his jaw, into his hair. “Perfect is boring. I lived like a zombie for eighteen years. I want you. I always did, even when I didn’t know it. It was you I was saying I love you to. Not Colton. You’re the one I fell in love with.”

He stared at me.

“I wanted to be with you the night we were here in the summer. That hasn’t changed. I now have the right name this time.”

He inhaled sharply through his teeth.

“It was never Colton. He was more my best friend. I cared about him so much, but he was never meant to be more. You were.” I pulled his face to mine, my mouth trying to convince him in another way.

His kiss became violent and demanding, heating me to the point I could no longer think.

“You better have protection this time because I will kill you,” I muttered.

“I’d kill myself,” he retorted, kicking off his boots, then unzipping mine and pulling them off my feet, along with my socks. I wrenched his pants down, wanting nothing between us. No lies and no clothes.

He heaved his jeans off and tossed them over the side. Mine followed right after. Our heads popped up at the sound of water splashing. The moon shone off the wet fabric, as my jeans sunk into the water.

“Shit,” Hunter said, leaning back on his heels.

I began to laugh, then shrugged.

He turned back to me, his eyes sparking with primal desire, his voice low and gravely. “Guess, you will have to stay pants-less the rest of the night.”

“Darn.” I kissed him. “But it’s only fair you do too.”

“Was thinking the same thing,” he mumbled against my mouth, his scruff tickling me as his lips moved to my neck, sliding my bra strap over my shoulder, his hot mouth trailing over it.

He undid the hook, slipping it off and throwing the item on top of his jeans. The night air nipped at my skin. I felt exhilarated. Free.

I yanked his boxer briefs over his hips, my hands sliding over his bare hips and ass, pulling him to me. The only thing between us was a tiny bit of cotton. I wrapped my legs around him, our lips hungry. His fingers played with the edges of my underwear and began to slowly pull them down.

The sound of a car door slammed. Hunter stiffened over me. It was winter. No one came to the lake this time of year, and no one had been here earlier.

Hunter tipped back, his head bobbing up over the side of the truck. His eyes squinted.

“What?” I whispered. “Is someone here?”

He turned his head, looking all around. “No. I don’t see anyone.”

We both knew there were no houses around here or reason a car, if not in the parking lot, should be by the lake now.

A car engine fired, and I sat up.

Out of the woods next to us headlights turned on, flickering us with light. I ducked down, enough to hide my nearly naked body. The car turned onto the road, passing near enough for us to see. The car was familiar. It was the same make and model as Jason McKee’s, one of Colton’s best friends and the on-and-off-again boyfriend of Savannah. We watched it race down the hill, disappearing in the dark.

“Please, please say that wasn’t who I think it was,” I entreated.

Hunter faced me. “I couldn’t see who was in it.”

“Jason drives the same type of car.” I scooted to the end tailgate. He fell away from me, letting me pass. I reached for my sweater, wrenching it back over my head. The mood had shattered in a breath. My attention was on the taillights driving down the lane toward town. Hunter seemed to understand, grabbing his boxer briefs and pulling them back on.

I swiped up my discarded bra on the ground and wadded it into my hand. My naked feet padded over the cold dirt as I stared at where my jeans drowned in the lake.

Suddenly freezing. Disappointed. Angry. Sad.

Hunter strolled over to me, shoving his arms and head into his T-shirt. “Do you want me to swim down and get them?”

“No.” I shook my head. I bit my lip. “What if someone’s trying to tell us something?”

“What do you mean?”

“Colton. The universe.” I tipped my head back, the stars bright and winking. As if they were in on the joke. “It seems like it wants to keep us apart.”

Hunter moved in front of me, widening his stance so he could match my height better. He cupped the sides of my face, breathing me in, his lips finding mine. The spark was instantly back, curling my toes.

“The universe gets no say. We choose our lives.” He tipped my head so I had to look him in the eyes. “Colton was selfish, but he would still want us to be happy. Am I what you want?”

I nodded vigorously, laying my hands over his.

He brought me in for another kiss, pressing me into his body. “I think I’m gonna have to jump in the freezing lake anyway.” He stepped back, slugging in a deep gulp of air. The chilly temperature revealed his breath when he let it out.

“Put your pants on.” I crossed my arms, grinning. My gaze wandered down his body. “You’re distracting.”

He curved up one eyebrow, a mischievous twinkle in his eye. He then leaped, his arm coming around my waist. I yelped, trying to get away, but he was too quick. His arms circled me, picking me up.

I tried to fight, to get away, but he easily carried me back to my jeep, opening the door and setting me down on the driver’s seat.

“I am not the distracting one.” He nudged between my legs, his mouth crashing against mine. He only had to touch me, and I burned with need again.

My knees clenched his hips, my back curving me into him. With one hand he grabbed the keys off my dash and put them in the ignition, turning it over.

“You trying to get me to go?” I nibbled at his bottom lip.

He snorted, flicking on the heater, blasting it on me.

“No.” He replied. “But I like when you’re thawed.”

“Are you saying I’m cold and frigid?” I teased.

“No, I’m saying you’re more limber and flexible when you’re not frozen.”

My response was to curl my legs more around him, lying back against the console, bringing him with me.

With both of us still in not much more than our underwear, things quickly escalated. Touching, exploring each other.

This time my cell phone went off, the screen flashing with my home number.

“Dammit.” I sighed. Nothing kills the mood faster than your parents calling. “I better answer.” I let me hands drop from Hunter. “They’ve been freaking out a lot lately. This new me isn’t as obliging and dependable. They don’t seem to know what to do with me anymore.”

“Nor the bad boy you can’t seem to stay away from.” He kissed my nose.

“You are a bad influence.”

His eyebrow went up. “I am…?” His gaze went over me, giving me a zing of heat. He pushed off me, walking away from the jeep.

“Hello?” I picked up the phone.

“Jaymerson?” Mom’s voice came over the line, full of worry.

“Yeah, who else would it be?”

“Where are you?”

“Why?” I glanced at the clock. “It’s not curfew yet.”

“I just want to know. I was worried. It’s getting late and the roads are icy.”

Bullshit. Irritation inflamed my chest. Before they pushed me to hang out with my friends. Now they wanted me home because they feared I was spending time with Hunter.

“I’ll be home in an hour, like I told you I would,” I said.

I could feel her hemming and hawing with uncertainty as though she both wanted to know where I was and who I was with, but she also didn’t.

I stayed quiet, and eventually she seemed to come to the same conclusion.

“Okay. One hour,” she stressed “Yeah. See you then.” She’d be waiting by the window for me. “Love you.”

“Love you too, Mom.” I hung up, shaking my head.

Hunter came back, this time fully dressed. He held my shoes and socks with one hand.

“I’m screwed.” I grabbed the items, setting them next to me.

“You were about to be.”

“Ha-ha.” I rolled my eyes, not able to stop the grin from twitching at my face. “No, my mother is going to be standing at the window waiting for me.” I motioned to my legs. “And I have no pants.”

Hunter leaned against the door, crossing his arms in thought. He straightened, reaching up and grabbing onto the frame above my head, leaning in close. “Follow me.”

“Follow you where?”

He bent over his mouth skating over mine. “To a friend’s place. She’ll have something you can borrow.”

“She?”

“Isn’t that the whole point? Finding girl stuff so you don’t have to wear my clothes home?”

“Yes.” I scowled.

“Jealous?” He nipped at my lip.

I was. Though only with Hunter. I was never jealous of girls flirting with Colton, though it sounded like I should have been. Yet even knowing he had cheated on me, I still didn’t experience the crazy envy I did with Hunter.

“Should I be?”

He grinned. “Don’t worry about it.”

“You know, saying that makes me more worried,” I huffed, grabbing my seatbelt. He closed the door as I opened the window. He leaned on the frame.

“I like you being jealous.” He smirked.

I shot him a glare. “Don’t lose me.”

“I won’t.”

He twisted around and walked to his truck.

Chapter Thirty

I shadowed him across town, to a neighborhood not far from mine. Doug’s pimped-out blue Pontiac and Jones’s black Civic sat in front of the house.

Nerves fired all through me with apprehension. I suddenly recalled the ominous way Jones told me to steer clear of him, and I suspected Megan and Krista couldn’t stand me. They took one look at me and put me in with the likes of Savannah and the rest of the popular crowd I’d left behind.

Hunter’s knuckles rapped at my window and I jumped. I pushed the button for the window. “You’re going to go get them for me, right?”

“You don’t want to see my friends?” Humor hinted under his words.

“With no pants?” I rubbed at my knees. “I don’t think so.”

“Okay, I’ll be right back.” He made his way to the front door and knocked. A few moments later a girl answered the door. I recognized her from the day at the Supercross, the one who had stormed away after seeing me. Krista. Blonde, tall, and thin. Dressed in a black T-shirt, hoodie, and boxer shorts, her hair up in a ponytail. She was pretty, but her face was in a permanent scowl every time I saw her. Even seeing Hunter at her door, her face didn’t change much, but her body language did. Dropping a shoulder, she rested against the doorjamb, crossing her long legs.

She listened to Hunter, who pointed toward me. Her eyes followed his gesture. Krista’s stern expression crinkled even more. Her head waggled back and forth, and her raised voice reached me.

“No. Absolutely not, Hunter.”

“It’s only a pair of pants, Krista.” His voice rose with hers. “I’ll get them back to you.”

“Fuck the pants, Hunter. That’s not what this is about.” She put her hands on her hips. “What are you doing?”

“Don’t start with me.”

“Someone needs to. They…” She stuck her thumb out, pointing it into the house. “Have not broken through your thick skull.”

“I know what I’m doing.”

“No. You don’t.”

“Krista…”

She cut him off. “Listen to me, Hunter, I’m actually being your friend here. Telling you what everyone is thinking.”

“When did you start caring what people think?”

She folded her arms, shaking her head. “How can you not see it? Hooking up with her? Colton’s girlfriend. That should tell you enough. She’s not for you. You think she’ll ever be okay with who you really are? I know you. I can see it already. You don’t allow yourself to fall for anyone, but when you do…” She paused. “I don’t want you to get hurt. This is a novelty for her. The hot Supercross guy. Check. She recently lost her boyfriend, who incidentally looks exactly like you. Don’t be a fool, Hunter.”

Tears pricked behind my lids, my heart tumbling down into my intestines. Her hurtful words switched on my anger. I clamped my jaw, and before I realized it, I zipped on my boots and grabbed the handle, opening the door.

What the hell are you doing, Jaymerson? I ignored the voice, the old, tired one I’d been listening to for years, keeping me behaved.

In my underwear, sweater, and knee-high boots I marched up the path to her house. Hunter turned around, his eyes widened, then filled with amusement, a grin on his lips.

Krista’s face was no longer sharp and tight—it had exploded open as if in shock at the sight of me. Behind her I could see Jones, Megan, Doug, and Chris in the living room playing video games and drinking. They stopped. All eyes were on me.

“Whoa!” Doug said, his beer bottle paused at his mouth. “My night just got better.”

I folded my arms across my chest but kept my feet firmly on the ground.

“You know, I see girls barely clothed all the time…” Chris sat on the sofa, closest to me. “Never gets old. But I will say this is hotter. Love the boots, sweetheart.” He tipped his drink to me.

“Cheers to that!” Jones clinked his bottle with Chris and Doug. Megan watched me, amusement twitching her eyebrows.

“Thanks.” I rolled my eyes, turning to Krista. “It’s clear you don’t like me. Fine. But you like Hunter. Do this little favor for him.”

Krista gaze wandered up and down me. I did not flinch under her critical glare.

“Personally, I vote no,” Chris spoke again.

“Yeah, no one wants your opinion.” I leaned around Krista, speaking to him. “Aren’t you supposed to be out with Stevie?”

“Meeting up later.” A grin took over his features.

“Just give her some pants, Krista,” Megan said from the floor, resting her elbows on the coffee table.

“Fine.” Krista swung around, heading back into the house and down the hallway. Hunter nudged me to follow. I scrambled after her, suddenly shy. I kept my attention on Krista, only giving a little nod to the room as I passed by. I heard Hunter behind me joining his friends, while I went down the hallway, walking to my doom.

Krista turned into a room, flipping on the light. I tentatively stepped in. She went to a drawer pulling out a pair of leggings and threw them at me.

“Here.”

“Thanks.”

She tilted her head, her eyes lasered on me. “If you hurt him, I will hurt you.”

My mouth opened to respond but nothing came out.

“I know you’ve been through stuff, but Hunter’s been through way more. His trust and heart have been broken enough by his parents, his brother…you will only destroy him.” She took a step closer to me. “If you have any conscience, you will end whatever this is now.”

“You don’t know me.”

“I know enough.” She took another step, leering over me. “Hunter is not the bad boy you can check off your list. And it’s even more demented you turning to him, using him, placing him in Colton’s spot. He is a completely different person.”

“I know,” I growled, shoving my chin up to stare at her. “I know exactly who Hunter is.”

“Do you?” she questioned. “Because Hunter is not the picket-fence, vacations-in-the-Bahamas, comfy-job type.”

“And you take one look at me and automatically think that’s what I want? Why do you care so much who he’s hanging out with?” I folded my arms. “Are you in love with him?”

“Hunter? No.” She scoffed, staring at me with dislike. “But I can see he is falling for you. Hunter comes off as tough, but when he gives his heart, it’s all of it. After losing his brother, he couldn’t take another asshole ripping it in two.” Contempt strained her voice. She strolled around me, bumping my shoulder on the way to the door. “So again I warn you, stop messing with him. End this now…or I will end you.”

“Why do you hate me? What did I do to you?”

She smirked again as though I was the butt of some secret joke, then she left, shutting the door behind her.

My fingers clutched at my boots, pulling them off as my gaze wandered the room, which held a bed, two night tables, a side chair and dresser. The chest and side tables were decorated with pictures. I took a step closer, picking one up. An image of the cutest baby boy with bright blue eyes, a mass of dark hair, and a dimple in his left cheek.

“Holy…” I dropped the picture back on the surface. My attention darted to each of the images. Comprehension flowing in.

There was no denying. The little boy was a spitting image of Colton. He slept with Krista? My head struggled to see the goofy, happy, football star getting it on with the hard, rocker chick. Her hatred of me suddenly became clear. I was the girl he took out and paraded around, and she was a “dirty secret” he wanted no one to know about, which resulted in proof he cheated.

Hunter telling me was one thing. Seeing the evidence shredded my last bit of doubt. Embarrassment flamed inside me, sprouting up my face like weeds. How could I have been so blind to Colton’s betrayal? He didn’t cheat on me once or twice.

Colton had a son.

As if on cue, a baby’s cry wailed through the door, forcing a sharp inhale from my lungs.

“Pause it,” I heard Krista’s voice yell. “I’ll be right back.” Her footsteps plodded from the hallway, sounding close to the door.

I tugged on the leggings, put back on my boots, and hurried to the door. I quietly opened it, peering out. A nightlight flooded the room across the hall with enough light to see clearly. She cradled a baby, six to eight months old, rocking him back and forth as he sucked on a bottle.

My gaze was glued on the wiggling bundle, my stomach braiding around my heart. The boy was a magnet, like his father, like his uncle, and I bent to his will. I stepped into the room. Krista swung around, her jaw clenching at seeing me.

I watched the baby, his tiny fingers trying to curl around the bottle.

“I know,” I muttered. “I know he’s Colton’s.”

She rolled her jaw, staring down at the baby. Her eyes softened, but then went cold when she looked back at me. “Maybe biologically. But Hunter’s been more of a father to this child than Colton ever was or would have been.” Her anger was directed at me.

I knew Hunter well enough to know he would take this child on as his own, not only claim it, but be his full-time father. Was it fair to Hunter? Looking at the little boy, the innocent in our crazy mess, it didn’t matter. Hunter would do it willingly. And I understood. In a way Colton did live on.

“What’s his name?”

“Cody.”

“He’s beautiful.” I stepped closer. “How old is he?”

“Eight months.” Krista ran her fingers through the baby’s thick, dark hair. Eight months which would make him a June baby. My heart ping-ponged through my insides.

“When’s his birthday?” I knew the answer before she even said it.

“He was born June fifteenth.”

My lids fell.

I swallowed, reopening my eyes. “Was Colton with you when he was born?”

She huffed. “Yes. The only night he was ever there for us.”

June fifteenth was the night of our anniversary. The night Colton and I went to the lake—or so I thought. The night Hunter stepped in, so Colton could be at the birth of his baby. Acid burned my throat.

“Hunter is one of the good guys.” She adjusted the boy in her arms. “Cody, Hunter, and I are a family…go back to your football games, shopping, and parties. Leave him alone.”

My mouth opened when Hunter appeared behind me, he glanced between us. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing,” Krista replied, her attention back on Cody. “Just feeding this little guy. His appetite has doubled.”

Hunter strode over, and she instantly handed the baby to him. Cody cooed at Hunter, his dimple showing when he smiled, his legs kicking out with excitement. He knew Hunter. As his father.

Krista placed the burp towel over Hunter’s shoulder. “The doctor says he’s going through another growth spurt. He’s already in the eightieth percentile.”

The love and pride on Hunter’s face mirrored Krista’s. I became invisible, intruding on this family’s private moment.

I suddenly understood Krista’s hatred, her warning. I didn’t belong here. “I’m gonna…go.” I took a step back. No one looked up. I left the room, halfway to the front door before I heard Hunter call for me. “Nice seeing you guys.” I waved to the group in the living room and rushed through the door.

“Jayme!” Hunter yelled after me.

“It all makes sense now,” I exclaimed into the night air, talking to myself. “The reasons for the constant texts, all the times you had to run off. It wasn’t drugs or sex…it was Cody.”

“Jaymerson, where are you going?” Hunter jogged after me, reaching me at the car. “Hey.” He spun me to face him. “What’s wrong?”

“Are you kidding me? Everything,” I cried out. “You stepped in to play Colton because he was having a baby. A baby, Hunter. Who somehow became your responsibility.” I sucked in a breath, the cold air tearing at my lungs. “How could you bring me here? Do you know how stupid I feel? Everyone in there knows he’s Colton’s, don’t they? They knew what he was really like?”

He nodded.

“Why does she call you all the time? Why does it have to be you?”

Hunter’s mouth thinned. “Krista’s parents disowned her the moment they found out about the baby. She struggles to make rent. She has no one else except me.”

“Help pay for him, her bills, you mean? Colton didn’t even do that, did he?”

“No.”

I scoffed, glancing away, blinking the tears back.

“Jayme.” He reached for my hand.

I jerked away. “Did you think how I would feel actually seeing him? I just discovered Colton cheated on me. Multiple times. I wasn’t ready for this.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t—”

“No, you don’t know.” Fury pumped through my heart, trying to dull the pain. “In the last five months my world has been turned upside down. I am trying to get up, stand on my own…and the ground continues to crumble under me. I’m starting to think it’s time to stop fighting. Let it go. Start over somewhere else.”

“You mean us?” His eyes narrowed.

“Aren’t you tired of fighting? For this?” I motioned between us. “For something which might not even be real.”

His jaw strained, his shoulders expanding. “You don’t think this is real?”

“I want to say yes, but in truth, Hunter, I don’t know.” I put one of my hands on my hip, the other flung toward the house. “All I do know is watching you in there with him…that was real. You guys looked…I don’t belong here.”

“You belong with me,” he growled, anger coating his declaration.

I shifted, sadness flooded my soul. “Don’t you see it? We are fighting a losing battle.”

He cupped my face roughly. “Then we fight harder.”

I bit down on my bottom lip.

Realization struck his face. “But you’re not going to. Are you?” He dropped his hand, hurt causing him to stand straighter as he stepped away from me.

I didn’t know how to answer. Emotion was distorting my thoughts, torturing me with humiliation, anger, sadness, and fear. “I need to go,” I whispered, craving to run far away. I turned and opened the door to the jeep.

“No.” He slammed his fist on my door, blocking my way. “You are not going to run away from me. Not before you tell me to my face.”

I glanced away.

“Tell me, Jaymerson. I want to hear you say it. Now.” He knew I struggled with hurting people or making trouble. He was forcing me to face what I wanted. To declare it out loud. Good or bad.

“Hunter, I’m—I…” I muttered softly.

“I swear, if you say something polite or passive right now, I will lose it,” he growled. “Yell. Scream. Tell me to fuck off. I don’t care, but don’t pacify me. I want to hear the truth. What do you want, Jaymerson?”

I stayed silent.

He grasped my arm, turning me to face him. “Look at me.”

The ripple of grief tapped at the dam, under my skin.

“Say it!” He stabbed at my dam. “Say. It!”

It broke.

“I can’t do this!” I screamed, tears pricking at my eyes. “I thought I could, but this…you are father to a baby, Hunter. He might not be yours biologically, but he is yours. Krista made it exceptionally clear. You have your place here, a family. I am nowhere in it. And I’m not sure I want to be.” I regretted the last sentence the moment it came out, though there was truth in it, no matter how much I wanted to take it back. I finally was figuring out who I was, I wanted to explore the world, find my passion, be silly, make mistakes, and have no restrictions. A baby was nowhere in my plans for now.

This was all too much.

He stared at me, inhaling deeply through his nose. Then he let his head fall forward. “Was that so hard?”

“Hunter…I…” I reached for him.

“No.” He stepped from my grasp, shaking his head. “You’re right. This is my responsibility. You have to find your own life. Outside of Colton…and me.”

“But it’s actually not your burden either.” I knew I was clawing at water, hoping to find something substantial to hold on to. Hunter would not abandon Cody. Even if he sacrificed his future, he would raise the child like his own.

“Cody will never be a burden,” he gritted through his teeth. “I will never let him be raised like I was. He will always have a father.”

“I know,” I whispered, my eyes filling with the truth of our situation. We both stood there, knowing it was the end, but I still couldn’t walk away.

Hunter did it for me. “Good night, Jaymerson.”

My heart snapped into tiny pieces, and each one exploded with stabbing agony. I wanted to hit him, beg him to tell me to shut up, to fight for me. For us.

But I didn’t. I swallowed back the enormous knot, full of doubting voices, reached for the car door, and climbed in.

He didn’t talk as he shut my door. A pained grunt came from his throat, then he inclined forward through the open window and kissed me, fierce and demanding. Then he walked quickly back to the house. He stopped on the stoop and watched me pull away, his outline growing dimmer in the rearview mirror.

My heart remained with him while the strain of my foot hitting the gas pedal put more distance between us. It felt wrong, but I tried to convince myself it was for the best. Everything about us had been doomed from the start. Everyone against us.

Only Hunter and I believed it was more. But our belief buckled under the weight of our circumstances.

Chapter Thirty-One

“You were with him, weren’t you?” Mom said from the doorway of my bedroom.

I exhaled and grabbed my pajamas from the drawer.

“Jaymerson.” Frustration and exhaustion draped heavy on my name. “What did your father and I tell you?”

“At eighteen I have no say about who I can or can’t hang out with?” I grabbed some clean underwear, wanting to head for the shower.

“That is not what we are doing.”

I slammed my dresser shut. “Forbidding me to see Hunter is exactly that.”

“We love you. We want to keep you protected.”

“You can’t keep me bubble wrapped. I need to experience things.”

“You can—”

“Only not with Hunter.” I finished her sentence. “Funny, his friends seem to feel the same about me. So…who is really being protected here?”

“They do?” Surprise flashed over her face. “Well, maybe one of you will listen.”

Rage crawled up my neck like fingers and poked at my eyes till they started to water. “No need to worry anymore. I won’t be hanging out with Hunter anymore. You all win.”

“What?”

“Hunter and I are no longer friends. You got your wish. Happy now?”

“No, of course not.” Concern and sadness, knotted her eyebrows. “What happened?”

“Oh, no. You don’t get to do that.” I wagged my head. “Don’t pretend you aren’t happy about this. I can’t take it. Not tonight.”

“I’m not pretending.” She took a step to me. “You are my daughter, and I don’t want you hurting.”

“But it seemed all right before, when you were keeping me away from him.”

“It was not my intention.”

“It wasn’t?” Screams gurgled from my throat. “Please, Mom. Just be honest and say it. You didn’t want me to be with him. Now you are relieved because I’m not.”

Hunter challenged me, dared me to be myself. To be honest. Even if it was ugly, messy, or mean.

“Please…” I begged.

“Fine.” She gulped, looking away. “I’m relieved you’re not seeing him. I don’t think he’s good for you. I don’t want anything keeping you from your dreams. College, a career, the chance to meet other boys.”

“Those are your dreams.”

Mom bit her lip, pain wrinkling her brows. My shoulders dropped, the fight in me dissolving.

“I know you want the best for me. Both you and Dad. I wish you’d let me figure it out instead of planting in my head what you think I should do, as though it’s my idea.”

“Okay. What do you want then?” Mom sat on the edge of my bed. “You spoke of art before?”

“Yeah.” I sighed, sitting down next to her. “I also really want to do a semester abroad or a road trip across the states.” I ran my fingers through my hair.

“Abroad?” Mom’s eyes widened.

“I want to at least explore the idea. After Colton’s death, I realized I had no clue who I was, what I wanted. I want to figure it out. Discover new places. People.”

Mom curled her hands together and exhaled tightly.

“I’m not saying I don’t want to go to college. I do. Eventually. But I want to discover the world first. Don’t you see? This is what I want.”

“But you’re so young—”

“I know I have a lot to learn, but I need to figure it out. Fall on my face. Date guys or do things you might not approve of. This past year has pushed me out of my box. You have to let me go to stand on my own two feet.”

Mom sniffled, wiping at her face. “I know. It’s hard to do. You’re my baby.”

I heaved a sigh. “I’m not a baby anymore.”

“I wish I could prevent that too.” She tipped her head back with a groan.

“You can’t stop me from growing up.”

She looked at me intently. It was the first time I felt she was really looking at me. Seeing me.

“When did you become the adult here?”

I snorted.

“You really want to go abroad?” Fear lined her brows.

“Yes.”

She nodded, gazing down at her hands.

“Is it something you and Dad would be okay with letting me do?”

“Okay is not the right word... but…I will…consider it.” She held up her hand, seeing me respond. “I’ll need to talk with your father first. He needs to come around to the idea, which might take some work. You know how stubborn he can be.”

“Thank you.” I threw my arms around her.

“I didn’t say it was definite.” I hugged her tighter, forcing a laugh from her. She stroked my hair. “Oh, my girl.” She kissed the top of my head. “I’m sorry if you think I was trying to keep you away from Hunter to hurt or stop you from growing up. In wanting to shield you from pain, I ended up hurting you more.”

“I know you were only trying to protect me.”

“Kids don’t come with manuals. I’ve made mistakes and probably will again. But remember everything I do is because I love you so much. You and your sister are my world. My heart.” She dropped her head on mine. “But you are special, JayJay. Your dad and I had no clue what we were doing with you, but in spite of all our screw-ups, you have grown into such an amazing person. I couldn’t be more proud of you.”

A hiccupped sob rattled my throat. “Even this feistier version of me?”

“More so.” Her lips softly grazed my head again. “I want you to always be yourself. I’m sorry if I’ve been struggling. I was scared. Am scared. My quiet, sweet, well-mannered girl was turning into me.”

“What?” I lifted my head.

Mom wiggled her eyebrows. “Ask Grandma Penny, I was quite a handful in my teenage years. She threatened daily to ship me off to boarding school. What I imagine Reece will be like in a few years.”

“Payback is a bitch.”

She snickered. “Yeah, Grandma laughs at me every time Reece gets a certain scowl on her face, stomps her foot, and defies me.” She took my hand in hers. “But don’t force yourself into a role you no longer fit. I’d rather have two spirited girls than one who feels she has to play a part.”

I hugged her.

“And again, I’m sorry you are hurting.” She squeezed my hand and stood up. “To be honest, Colton never scared me. I figured you’d go off to school and find you wanted more than him. He was a nice guy, but I always sensed you’d move on from him.” Colton, nice? If she only knew the truth. Nothing was what it seemed. It reminded me of a line from Pride and Prejudice: “One has got all the goodness, and the other all the appearance of it.”

“There’s a ‘but’ in there.”

She smiled thinly. “Hunter terrifies me.”

“Why?”

“Besides the obvious?”

“You mean the rumors?” She nodded at my question. “Looking past what you think Hunter is like. What worries you?”

“Well, because even when I didn’t want to see it happening, I saw you change and grow with him. You have become a strong person, on your own, but he’s had more influence on you than Colton ever had. He challenged you, pushed you to want more. Your connection to him was strong. Selfishly I think part of me was upset because you no longer looked to me. I wanted to believe he was influencing you to rebel. But I wasn’t giving you enough credit, was I?” She cupped my cheek. “You’re stronger than that. He helped you see, didn’t he?”

A lump inflated in my throat. The thought of Hunter swirled my heart with happy agony. I didn’t realize every time I fought against my own ghost, he had silently been there giving me strength to keep driving forward.

“I’m sorry, honey. For everything.” Mom stood, opening her arms. I rose and stepped into her embrace. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too, Mom.” I held her for a moment before I stepped back.

She wiped a tear from her eye. “I’ll let you take your shower now.” Mom shut the door behind her. I felt lighter as I headed to the bathroom. Months of tension seemed to lift off me. I flicked on the light, catching my reflection.

A boulder plunged into my abdomen. I stared at myself in the bathroom mirror, hair a mess, scruff burns along my jaw and face, my lips swollen. Signs of Hunter were all over me.

I was completely in love with Hunter Harris, and I had to let him go.

But deep in my brain his words repeated in a loop.

We fight harder.

It wasn’t until I drove into the lot the next morning and spotted Jason’s silver Range Rover did the memory of seeing it at the lake the night before return to me. I hooked up my bag, apprehension swirling inside, measured steps, each one precise, deliberately slowing me down. I still wanted to believe it was someone else.

I let my hair fall into my face and kept my head down as I walked up the steps and through the door. I shielded myself behind my tresses from the voices both loud and murmured, the banging of lockers, and the squeaks of feet on linoleum.

As I slipped toward my locker, the voices went noticeably quiet. The feel of eyes burned down my spine. My gaze drifted around. Classmates stared at me, all stopping whatever they were doing. My gut recoiled, reducing my air intake. A group of coeds I recognized stood in front of my locker. They watched me, giving me a once over through disgusted expressions. A girl coughed, the word slut muffled in her hand.

“Excuse me,” I kept my voice even, but not friendly.

They parted, quickly dispersing from my locker. My eyes landed on what they were obstructing. Air caught in my throat. Perspiration prickled at my forehead, neck, and down my back.

Scrawled in large, hasty letters, in bright yellow and white was: Brother Fucker. Whore. Slut! Behind me I heard snickers and hissed conversation.

Keep it together, Jaymerson. Don’t let them see they can get to you.

“Did you even bother calling out a different name?” a guy hollered.

Another guy pointed at his phone, watching the screen. “My favorite part…ohhh…there go the pants into the water.”

Oh god. There’s a video.

I closed all my social media accounts; not aware last night’s escapade had gone viral.

“Can’t tell if those mosquito bites are supposed to be boobs?”

“Sexy black bra, Holloway.”

More comments came hurling at me bookended with chuckles, but I could no longer distinguish the voices. Their mouths moved in a blur, their voices becoming one collective buzz that droned in my ear, echoing my sharp intakes of breath. Stay strong. Stay strong.

Gritting my teeth, I whirled around, forcing my chin to stay level and pushed through a clustered group into the bathroom. Anger and humiliation fueled me. I wouldn’t look at myself in the mirror as I yanked paper towels from the dispenser, wet them, and went back out. Halfway back the bell rang. The crowd scattered, heading for first period.

“Did you wait till Colton’s body was cold before you started screwing his twin?”

“Slut.”

“Disgusting.”

I tried to build a wall while people condemned me as they passed by, focusing on scouring the vile words off my locker. Vigorous scrubbing only faded the letters, leaving their vicious intention still visible. My teeth sawed at my bottom lip, and I forced any emotion I had deep down. I don’t care what they say. I don’t.

A figure fell against the locker next to me. Savannah crossed her arms over her chest, her phone clenched in one hand. Her cheerleading shirt swished against the metal. There must be a game tonight. Funny, I hadn’t thought about cheerleading in a long time.

“I can’t believe you.” Savannah’s nose scrunched, and she shook her head. “How do you even look at yourself?”

My teeth dove into my bottom lip, keeping my head straight.

“It’s sickening, Jayme.” Her voice rose and she straighten up. I dropped my arm and looked at her. “His twin? How could you do that to Colton?”

“I didn’t do anything to Colton.” My teeth ground together.

She shook her cell’s screen in my face. “Funny, this video says different. It was even more sickening to watch in person.”

“You taped us?” Air blew from my nose.

She had been there with Jason. Probably to have sex, but I was the one being crucified.

She scoffed. “Colton always deserved better than you.”

Her insult slapped me in the face, especially now I’d seen the bundle of evidence of his infidelity last night.

I fully turned on her. “Were you hoping he’d eventually look at you? Be the one he chose?”

She put her hands on her hips. “You pretend to be sweet and kind, but you’re just a slutty whore. You and the druggie actually deserve each other.” She moved around me, flipping her ponytail. “And just so you know, we were never friends. You were never one of us. We were only nice to you because of Colton.” She swished back around and strode down the hallway.

I took in a shaky breath and opened my locker, trying to ignore the storm brewing inside. A note lay folded at the bottom, the edges ruffled from it being shoved through the door slits.

The paper brushed my fingers tips as I opened and read it. Crunching my jaw, I crumpled it up, shoving it into my pocket, and slamming my locker shut. I wanted to flee. To retreat to my room and hide. Forever. But if I left it would kindle the fire of their rumors and prove they could rattle me. I had to stay strong…or at least pretend to be.

The morning ticked by, each class was torture with students staring, whispering vulgar comments and texting. I turned my phone off and kept my attention on class, trying to block the onslaught of hurtful comments and salacious jeers. People shoved the video in my face when I ignored their remarks, pointing and laughing. Outside, I kept my chin up and forward, but inside the layers of my protective shield were crumbling. It was getting harder and harder to keep my chin from wobbling with emotion. The strong girl I had been developing into was not able to take the weight.

Just get through today. I blinked back the tears wanting to breach my feeble walls.

I had yet to see Hunter and part of me was grateful. Considering how we ended things last night, his presence would only fuel the fire. I actually hoped he’d decided to skip the day. These hopes were quickly shattered as I grabbed my books for the next class.

“Hey,” a deep voice spoke into my ear.

The thrill at hearing his voice was quickly overshadowed by dread. I continued to reach for my book, not responding.

“You all right?” He moved in a little closer to me, his body heat warm and inviting. His expression heavy with exhaustion, his hair tousled, clothes slightly disheveled. Only he could make rumpled look unbearably sexy.

“Hunter,” I warned, scanning the crowd nervously for onlookers. “What are you doing?”

A frown lined the gap between his brows. “Seeing if you are all right.”

“All right?” Anger catapulted over my tongue, and I slammed my locker. “Far from.” I took a step to move around him, but he countered my step. My lids narrowed. “I-I can’t do this right now. Not here.”

“What does it matter? Everyone already knows.” He challenged me, his tone full of resentment. Then he exhaled, letting his shoulders drop. “I wasn’t coming here expecting anything. I got the message last night. Clear. I just wanted to check on you.”

Out of the corner of my eye I could see students halting in their tracks, watching us.

“Well, I’m awesome. Thanks,” I sneered, my voice straining over each word.

“What do you care what these assholes think anyway?” He lifted his arms.

More and more people stopped to watch us.

“I’m sorry I’m not as strong or unfeeling as you.” Anger shook my voice. His back stiffened, fury growing in his eyes. “I can’t pretend it doesn’t bother me. Especially after the umpteenth time someone has shoved the video of me naked in my face, calling me a slut.”

“I’ve seen it. All they have is a blurry, faraway, dark video of me and someone. No real proof.”

They didn’t need proof. The accusation was enough.

“Please don’t make this any harder.” I glanced away.

He nodded, a disapproving glaze covered his features. “Sorry, if I was concerned.”

“Dammit, Hunter give me a break. I just scrubbed ‘slut’ and ‘brother fucker’ off my locker this morning,” I hissed at him. “What do you want from me?”

“You don’t think I’m not getting shit? I got an ‘intervention’ from my friends last night. And Dougie has hooked me up with his fourth cousin.” He motioned to himself. “I’m the bigger asshole here. He was my brother.”

“It’s different for guys.”

“No, I just don’t give a shit what they say.”

“Well, I do.”

Hunter watched me. I could feel the final nail being hammered in the coffin. He bowed his head. “I can see that.”

“Hunter…”

“What’s funny is you accused me of being a coward. Not having the guts to be seen with you or to tell everyone you’re my friend. When it came down to it, who is the actual coward here, Jaymerson?” He moved really close, body touching mine, his voice lowering roughly. His proximity drove my desire to a boil. “I am not going to be someone’s dirty secret because they care too much about what these jerk-offs think.”

He then stepped away, pivoted, and walked back down the hallway, disappearing into the crowd.

A swirl of rage and frustration zipped down my nerves, festering. An angry cry bobbed around my tongue. I spun back to my locker, kicking the door with such force it vibrated off the wall, rattling the rest of the row. Stares baked into my skin from all around, watching me roast. I was an animal in the zoo.

The final bell for class took their attention away from me. The corridor cleared out, but I stood there, staring at my locker. The outline of letters spelling out the hateful words still visible across the front. The note I found in my locker, in my pocket, stated in blocky black scrawl: “You should be ashamed, c*nt.”

The worst part was I had secretly thought these things about myself and now they were being brought to life for everyone to see and comment on. It was hard enough to hate yourself, but being ostracized by your peers was harsher than anything I’d imagined.

A door down the hallway slammed, and I hurried for the bathroom, not wanting to face anyone. The last thing I needed was more gossip about me. My tears would not create sympathy. They would think I was getting what I deserved. I locked myself behind the bathroom stall door, grabbing some toilet paper to wipe my eyes.

The door to the restroom opened. The sound of feet bounded in the room. “Oh my god, did you hear about what happened in the hallway between Jaymerson and Hunter?” a girl exclaimed, her shoes clicking toward the mirror.

Every muscle in my body locked up, going still.

“No! What?” another girl asked, her voice high and baby-like.

“Well, Jennifer said she saw them arguing by her locker. It looked really intense,” the girl said, stringing each word out dramatically. The sound of a bag unzipping echoed. “Like a lover’s spat or something.”

“Really?” The baby-voiced girl responded with excitement. “So…do you think it was them in the video?”

“Totally! She’s completely banging her dead boyfriend’s brother,” the first girl replied salaciously. “And them arguing in the hallway? Sorry, but you don’t have fights like that unless there is something going on.”

This coming from the girl who wasn’t actually there but heard about it from another person. It didn’t matter if it was true, and even less if we weren’t actually sleeping together. Their version was more exciting. Juicier gossip about others was more entertaining to spread. It was fun as long as they weren’t the ones being talked about.

“I think it’s disgusting,” the girl continued. “A brother is bad enough, but his identical twin? Ugh... like they are interchangeable or something. Colton was way hotter.”

“They were identical twins.” The other replied dryly.

“Yeah, but Hunter is, like, a poor man’s Colton. Hunter might be smokin’ hot with the tattoos and bad-boy thing, but you can tell he’s going nowhere. Like he’ll be a gas attendant or a convenience store clerk. I’ve heard he already has several illegitimate kids. Probably in every trailer park across the state. I mean, look at the crowd he hangs with. They probably only have one brain cell left between them. I don’t think I’ve ever heard him talk in class, like, ever. And now Mr. Anti-social is all into his brother’s girl… a cheerleader? It’s weird.”

A gasp came from the baby-voiced girl. “Maybe he killed his brother so he could have her.”

“They were in a car accident.”

“I know. What if it wasn’t an accident?” she whispered conspiratorially.

“Oh my god. You are awful.” The first girl giggled.

“Like you weren’t thinking it.”

I squeezed my lids closed and swallowed the lump of bile forming in my throat.

“Well, no matter what, it’s gross.” A bag zipped closed. “Poor Colton. Little did he know his perfect little girlfriend was a complete tramp. I would have loved to be the one to comfort him.” The first girl sighed.

“I think it should be illegal for hot boys to die. Such a waste.”

“Seriously,” baby-voice agreed.

“I better get back before Mr. Kisner sends his little teacher’s pet after me.” Shoes moved across the tile. The door squeaked open then shut, leaving the room in silence.

Their insensitive, malicious words echoed in my ears, flooding the tears forward again. I placed my face in my hands. Words could hurt more than any knife could. I had gone through excruciating pain with learning to walk again, but this was far more brutal. It ate at your insides and destroyed you. Unless it was them under the microscope, people had such little empathy for others. Quick to judge and condemn, even though they might have done the same or worse.

It made me realize how alone I was.

Dating Colton had brought me popularity and an instant group of friends. I innocently accepted their friendship and their world, taking it on like it was real and true. Not one of them stood by me now.

The only person I wanted to run to was the exact person I couldn’t…the reason they banished me and put me on stage with a scarlet letter on my chest.

Rage simmered. The things they said about Hunter were completely untrue. If they knew how smart he was, what he wanted to do, what he had done… they’d think differently. His road may not have been typical, but neither was he.

I wanted nothing more for him than to free himself of his parents, this town, all the sadness and bullshit he carried with him. He would never abandon Cody, but I hoped he would still follow his dreams. Find a way to do both.

I sucked in a gulp of determination, wiping my eyes dry. My chin jutted out as I marched from the stall.

One day we both would look back and be relieved we ended it now. We chained each other to the past. We needed to move on. He had his own path to follow. I had mine. Both better off without the other in it.

I had to believe that.

Chapter Thirty-Two

“I’m sorry, but what a bunch of shit.” Stevie bounced on her yoga ball. It was her last week at the clinic. I still had another month to go.

I sat on a blue one across from her. Justin left us to stretch before he put us on the machines.

“It’s not. It’s for the best.” Stevie was the one I felt I could actually talk to. This was not something I could discuss with my parents.

“Dude, Whiskey, you are seriously overthinking all this. You will find all this high school stuff is utter crap and means nothing once you’re out. There should be no restrictions when it comes to love.”

I lifted an eyebrow.

“Well, children and animals are off limits. But if you are of age, human, and can decide for yourself, then all is fair game.” She leaned her elbows on her knees. “Love is love.”

“I didn’t say anything about love.” I stretched back.

“Oh, please, you two are the definition of epic love. The ultimate star-crossed lovers. They should write a crappy movie about this depressing shit.”

I smiled thinly. “It’s not only about the high school shit.” I rolled back and forth on the ball. “That actually is nothing in comparison.”

“But the kid is not even his.” Stevie was the only one I told about Cody and Colton.

“Stevie, I don’t see you stretching,” Justin yelled from across the room. “I’m watching you too, Jaymerson.”

“Fuck.” Stevie rolled her eyes. “He had to be a drill sergeant before this. No one is that much of a tight ass.”

“Well, he does have an exceptionally nice, tight ass.” I grinned, rolling back on the ball.

“No kidding.” Stevie flopped back, doing half-assed stretches. “I wouldn’t mind it bouncing on my kitchen counter.”

I covered my face with a snort.

“Suzie’s can be on the washer…when it’s on spin cycle.”

I rolled off the ball, groaning.

“I don’t want you to feel left out. Want the hamper or the breakfast nook? Your lunch table at school? Now we could really get them talking.” She continued to list random places at school till I was grabbing my sides, trying to breathe through the giggles.

“Nope. I’m out of this one. I’m not having my ass compared with theirs.” I shook my head.

“Don’t worry.” She patted my knee and winked. “I’ll grade on a curve.”

We both burst into fits of laughter. It might have been silly, but it was exactly what I needed. Tears only released a portion of stress. Laughter was still the best medicine, and I seemed to laugh little these days.

“Stevie, Jaymerson. Machines,” Justin called over to us.

“Jeez, he seriously needs to relax.” Stevie reached her hand out for me to help her up. “Sex. Have some. Might loosen that stick in your ass,” she yelled over at him.

“Machines now, Stevie,” Justin ordered, ignoring her. He, like everyone here, was used to her mouth.

“Speaking of sex?” I nudged her shoulder, my eyebrows wiggling. “Seen Tarzan lately?”

“Maybe…” Stevie dipped her head, a slight blush coating her pale coloring. “He wants me to come to the next race to watch him. Chris on a bike covered in dirt and sweat? Yes. Please.”

“Chris?” I transferred my weight to my good leg, watching her closely. My mouth fell open. “Oh my god. You really, really like him.”

“What? No, I don’t.” She contradicted me, her cheeks turning a deeper ruddy color.

“You called him by his name.”

“No, I didn’t.”

“Yes, you did.” My smile grew. “Holy shit. You are completely smitten with him.”

“No.” She shook her head. “We had some fun, but that’s all it is. In all honesty he’s making me want to go back to women,” she said, but there was no strength behind her statement.

“Wow. The one thing Stevie Colvin can’t be truthful about is actually liking someone.”

She shifted uncomfortably. We all had our things. Stevie had lost her father. She was not immune to hiding and protecting her heart from getting hurt, like the rest of us.

“He’s cool. We have a good time…whatever.”

“Sure.” I smiled, letting the subject drop. “Come on. Before Justin adds more repetitions.”

“It’s my last week here. Shouldn’t I get a break?” She strolled over to the leg press grumbling.

I bent over and reached for my hoodie on the floor. As I stood, someone came around the corner, slamming into me. I stumbled to the side. Large hands grabbed me, pulling me firmly against them, keeping me from falling.

My body knew before I even looked into his blue eyes. I hummed with energy and desire, a chemical reaction I could not control. My eyes drifted up and locked on his.

What the hell is he doing here? This is not his day.

“Sorry,” he muttered. The feel of him against me was like taking a dose of ecstasy. He held me for another beat, his expression flat, giving nothing away. He stepped away, his gaze drifting over my head to Justin by the treadmill. Hunter’s shoulders set in a firm line, his tall, broad backside was firm, and every tight muscle showed through his shirt and workout shorts as he walked over to the trainer.

His nonchalant, indifferent attitude toward me cut as sharply as bare feet on a floor of broken glass. Even if it had been my decision, I felt like I was the one standing holding my heart, gasping and flopping around like a dying fish.

It wasn’t till I looked over at Stevie, her eyebrow lifted, did I realize I’d been caught outright staring at him like a lost puppy. A heartbroken puppy. She shook her head. I jerked my chin, pointing it at the floor and moved to the leg-lift machine.

“Hey, Hunter, glad we could switch your appointment.” I heard Justin say.

“Yeah, sorry. Had a family situation to deal with.”

Family? Was it Cody?

The book closed. The final confirmation I’d been looking for. Just not the one I wanted. His life was with them. Cody and Krista were his family. His priority. It would always be.

“Oh sure. For the best.” Stevie walked up next to me. “I believe that like my mother believes finding me in bed with my college roommate was only because the heat went out in our room.”

My eyes roamed back over to Hunter. His back was to me as he slowly jogged on the treadmill he fell off of before we first kissed. I couldn’t help glancing at the spot where he laid me on the ground. A kiss leading to jail.

That should have warned me…

Chapter Thirty-Three

The next month slipped by in a strange fog. Dad was willing to talk about the semester abroad program, which was a huge improvement. Mom and I had to work slowly at introducing the idea so he wouldn’t outright say no and close the door on it. He still had me filling out college applications where he wanted me to attend, but the compromise seemed to make him more open to my concept of me going to Europe.

Even though Stevie wasn’t at physical therapy anymore, I actually saw her more. She decided she’d wait till next fall to go back to school, which had a lot to do with me and a certain Aussie. They were happy being only with each other. It was kind of disturbing in a sweet way. They both teased about being bored and ready to move on, but they couldn’t keep their hands off each other.

Love was strange. It definitely chose you. It took hold even of those who laughed at the notion and were content playing around. Stevie couldn’t even explain why Chris broke her string of one-night stands. Nor did I think he could clarify why he didn’t want to be with other girls besides her. It didn’t matter. They both felt the same.

I was happy for them. Many nights they demanded I hang out with them, both teasing about having a threesome. I always felt there was an elephant in the room, especially when I knew they had seen Hunter or were talking about a Supercross event.

Even at school Hunter’s ghost lingered, but his physical person had vanished. After a week of his missing history class, I went to Mrs. Ambose. “Sorry to bother you, but I saw Hunter wasn’t in class this week. I wanted to see if I could get his assignments so he could keep up.”

She tilted her head in confusion. “Hunter transferred out. He needed to rearrange his schedule to have the last two periods free.”

“Oh.” Chagrin prickled at my hairline. Did he transfer because of me? “Thank you.”

The few times I did see him, it was across the hall, and he quickly dissipated into the crowd, almost like he was never there.

Soon winter released its reins and handed them over to spring.

The day of Colton’s memorial finally came, drawing most of the town to the campus. Rain threatened to descend at any moment, as if it was sympathetic to the occasion. The area between the gym and the football field was full of townsfolk and students. Ms. Matlin gave the school the last two periods off to attend the tribute.

The mayor, Mary Dunn, stood on top of the makeshift platform, speaking into the microphone about Colton. A tarp blocked us from seeing what was built in Colton’s honor.

Mom and Dad stood next to me as I stared absently at the ground at the base of the podium. The mayor’s words soared through the air like vapor.

Mr. and Mrs. Harris stood near the stage. Julia kept her head low, her husband’s arm around her. The football coach and the assistant coach stood next to them. Hunter was nowhere to be seen. I hadn’t expected him to be. My gaze wandered over the crowd, spotting familiar faces: students, the clerk at the market, the owner of the pizza parlor. Everyone was here.

Savannah clung to Jason. She was dressed in a cute black dress and a pair of large sunglasses and heels. Chloe held her other arm, patting at her eyes. Adam stood next to her. Madison next to Adam. Carrie and Dan were behind them, Dan texting away on his phone.

Scanning the faces, I couldn’t read the amount of sadness they felt or didn’t feel, but most seemed to stir restlessly like they’d rather not be here. It had been more than seven months since his death. The shock of his sudden demise was lessening a bit. Those not close to him had moved on, and those close were trying. Now we were being yanked back. I didn’t need to recall the anguish of his loss or be reminded of his character. Or even how much I missed him.

“Colton was a fierce friend, kind, loyal, considerate. A loving son and boyfriend, amazing athlete, and trusted friend.” The mayor nodded at his parents, then over at me. Mom’s hand came up, rubbing my arm.

I shifted. Just because he was dead didn’t make me not want to call bullshit on at least one of those. It was strange to think the one person who ever truly knew the real Colton was Hunter. Not even his best friends knew Colton had a son.

“His loss devastated our community…” Mary went on.

I knew she was a family friend of the Harris’s. Friend might be a stretch. Colton told me it was a “scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours” kind of thing. Politics meets money and influence. He couldn’t stand her. And Colton liked almost everybody. Her presence gave his memorial a false edge.

“Now in dedication to Colton Mitchel Harris.” Mary swished her hand as some of the football players withdrew the tarp. Under the oak tree stood a large iron fountain formed in the shape of a football with the number twenty-two on it, his jersey number. Mitch and Julia walked up and pressed a button on the fountain. Water trickled out of the football and down the side to where a plaque was carved, with his name, years of birth and death, and a quote.

I could almost hear Colton groaning in my head. A fountain? Seriously?

The wind blew, swishing my hair around, but I needed air. To breathe. I can’t stay here. I began to turn. And stopped. In a featureless swarm of congregating bodies, only one burst to life, becoming my anchor in the sea of faces. A life raft of strength. Hunter stood in the distance, under a tree, blending in the shadows of the grey afternoon. No one seemed to notice him.

He sensed my gaze and turned his head. Our eyes locked on each other. The people and scenery around me became abstract paintings. He was the only thing clear and substantial. The muscles around my heart clenched, and the air seemed to compress around me. But the air he stole from me was different. This was laced with pleasure, a speeding of my heart, drilling into me an understanding I wanted nothing more than to run to him. Pressure went to the tips of my toes, pushing down into the ground.

“Jaymerson?” My name rang out over the speakers, jerking my head to the front with dread. Mary stared down at me in expectation. “Would you like to come up here and say something? I know you missed his funeral while still in the hospital yourself. I thought you might want a chance to say a few words?”

Oh god. No. “Um.” No words came to my head.

“It’s okay. You don’t have to.” Mom clutched my hand, giving me a knowing smile. Standing by myself in front of this crowd of people who mostly mocked and hated me was the last thing I wanted to do. What would I even say?

“Jaymerson?”

I gulped and went up to the platform and took the mic. I could hear my ex-friends mumbling and shaking their heads.

“Hi.” The speaker squeaked, and I took a step back, my tongue sliding over my dry lips. It’s okay. You can do this, Jayme. My gaze landed on Hunter. His face was expressionless, but the way he watched me gave me strength, propelling me to start. “Everyone here has a memory, a story about Colton. We can stand here and give a breathtaking impression of Colton’s character. Loyal, kind, caring, life of the party, goofy, charming… He was all of those things, but…”

I heard a rumbling through the crowd, clenching my throat. It was slight, but I saw Hunter tip his head, telling me to go on.

I swallowed, taking a breath. “In death we seem to want to put a person on a pedestal, make them this one-dimensional, faultless person. He wasn’t. Colton had many faults. But now I realize it’s what I liked most about him. He was flawed. Real. Made mistakes.” I inhaled shakily, my mouth dry. “I miss him. It’s not the boyfriend I mourn, but my friend. My best friend... Someone who makes you laugh, feel safe, happy, knows all your different sides, and likes you more for them.”

Sometimes things come to you in a flash of undeniable truth. So powerful and strong it was like a light had switched on, showing you clearly in stark harsh light what has been there the whole time.

I wasn’t talking about Colton. He was never that person. Only one was all those things to me.

Hunter.

Anxiety quickened my breath, my eyes searching for the one person who made sense to me. My eyes flew back to the tree, wanting somehow to convey to him he was that person to me. But emptiness surrounded the spot where he once stood.

Hunter was gone.

My gaze darted around searching frantically for his retreating figure. Hunter! My heart and mind screamed. Where did he go?

It was like I’d lost my refuge, my one lifeline keeping me afloat. He gave me strength and confidence to stand here and be strong. Why did he leave?

Only when I felt a hand on my shoulder and looked up to see Mary did I realize I had stopped talking.

“Um, well—” My thoughts bumbled around on my tongue, wandering aimlessly with no set direction. “I mean…well.” Fire raced up my neck into my cheeks, feeling the stares from the crowd, further causing me to stumble over my words.

The mayor patted me on the back, nudging me away from the microphone. “I know this is extremely difficult for you, perhaps you can collect your thoughts and then come back. Now I’ll open it to anyone who wants to come up and say a few words about Colton.” She took control of the podium, sliding her attention over the audience.

I moved to the stairs and passed one of Colton’s football buddies running up the stairs to talk next. I made my way back to my parents, people surrounded me in every direction and yet I’d never felt more alone.

When the memorial ended, I strolled slowly back to my car, my head down, trying to avoid eye contact with anyone.

“Honey?” I heard my mom, but I was lost out in space.

“JayJay?” Dad’s voice swung my head to the side, linking me back to earth. “You coming straight home?”

My lips parted to say “yes” when I heard “no” come out instead. “I think I’m gonna go to Colton’s grave.” I twisted my finger around my key ring.

Mom and Dad nodded, giving each other a quick, pointed glance. Dad exhaled and smiled warmly. “We’re going to get Reece from daycare, then pick up a pizza for dinner. Sound good?”

“Yeah. I’ll see you later.”

Mom came over and gave me a quick hug. “You were so brave today.”

I stepped from her embrace, waved at my dad, and got in the jeep. I had yet to go to Colton’s grave, something I kept pushing off. I felt today was the day. A final door I needed to close.

Large droplets splattered on the leaves as I stepped from the car. I strolled over to the plot where Colton rested. The soft drumming of rain set a peaceful but sad melancholy mood to the cemetery. My chest clenched when his gravestone came into full view. His name, displayed in large block letters, finalized his death. I stopped close to the headstone. A leaf fluttered down, landing on the top. My hand automatically picked it off.

“Sorry it took me this long.” My voice came out uneven, breaking the silence. I shifted on my feet, not sure what to say. It was so quiet, only the pattering of rain on the leaves made any sound. “Damn, you would hate this.” A snort burst from me, imagining Colton pacing back and forth beside me yelling, “I’m so bored.”

The smile dropped from my face, and I folded my arms over each other. “I am so mad at you.” I blinked, a slight pressure behind my eyes. “How could you do that to me, Colton? You lied, cheated, and deceived me. You let your brother claim your baby. Have him pretend to be you so I wouldn’t know about your son and the fact you betrayed me. I thought you were my best friend, Colton, but friends don’t do that to each other.” I rubbed between my eyes. “You know what makes me even angrier? I don’t have the right to be mad at you because you’re dead. How can I? You can’t fight back and tell me why you did those things. Now I have to live with this sitting on my chest.” I tapped at my rib cage. “And what’s even worse is after all the shit you did, I’m the one who feels guilty. The one who feels I’m doing something wrong.” The knot in my throat swelled, and I took a couple of breaths. “I have fallen in love with your brother.” My legs crumpled into the soft dirt, a choked sob tore from my throat. “I am so sorry.”

I missed Colton. The Colton I thought I knew. His presence in my life, his laugh, his carefree, happy personality. I would never see him laugh or smile again. But my heart ached for Hunter. I was overwhelmed by the absence he left in my soul, and the craving I had to be near him.

I didn’t realize how much I wanted Colton’s forgiveness. No matter what Colton did to me in the past, loving his brother felt worse. I’d fallen in love with Hunter because Colton died. He could not retaliate, be mad, or hate me, but I had the luxury of experiencing both emotions about him.

The silent guilt had been eating at me. It was probably why I had avoided coming here. I would finally have to face it. I liked who I was becoming, but I couldn’t fully move on until I dealt with the past and my feelings for both Colton and Hunter.

“Please forgive me,” I whispered, the tears rolling faster. I let them come. My shoulders heaved with heavy sobs rendering my arms almost useless at keeping me from folding over into a ball. Sadness tore through me and I surrendered to it, letting the dark in.

The pain was real, but it didn’t consume me like I thought it would. In that moment I knew I was beginning to let him go. After a while the tears subsided, and I wiped the liquid from my cheeks.

The sound of birds crowing twisted my neck to look up. A dozen black birds grouped in the sky, flying over. The way they were positioned reminded me of my tattoo. It was happenstance, but a smile curled my mouth seeing the birds soar in the air.

I glanced back down at the grave. “I think I need to forgive you too,” I muttered. It was all in my head, but it felt like a heaviness stepped off my heart. My body wanted to fly up and join the flock.

“Losing you was the most horrendous, unbearable thing, and I didn’t think I would ever come back from it. But I’m starting to, and I’m even stronger. I hate it took losing you to find myself.” I wiped the last of the tears off my face and set my hands down in my lap, the wet earth soaking through my leggings. “I love him, Colton,” I confessed. “I never imagined it, but I don’t want to be without him. I want to believe you’d want us to be happy. To be okay we found each other through this horrible ordeal.”

The birds continued to dance above my head, circling and curving near the oak tree he was buried under. Music from a car passing on the main road pumped through the cemetery, scaring the birds away. The thumping bass gave away an extremely bad rap song. It was one of Colton’s favorites. “Still torturing me with your bad music.” I shook my head, a smile pulling the edges of my mouth. There was no clear sign or evident indication, but in my soul I felt as though he’d given me his permission to love Hunter.

“Thank you.” I stood, brushing off my damp knees. “Goodbye, Colton.”

I would always love him in my way, but right then the road to where my heart truly lay was open. For once, I held no guilt or shame running from here to Hunter.

If anything, I felt Colton pushing me to go.

And I did.

Chapter Thirty-Four

The evening quickly absorbed the last of the afternoon light, the cloudy sky plummeting the damp road to the Harris’s house in murkiness.

I had texted and called Hunter when I got to the car, but he didn’t respond to either. I dialed another number.

“Jones?” I said when a guy answered.

“Jaymerson?”

“Yeah. Is Hunter with you?”

“No. Not yet. I think he’s heading over here later.”

“Do you know where he is?”

“I think he’s home.”

“Thank you.” I hung up, put the car in drive, and pointed it up the hill.

The house lights glowed through the trees as I drove up. This time I held no reservations. I knew exactly what I wanted, and I needed to tell him truthfully how I felt. Whatever obstacles came our way, I was willing to tackle them. The thought of Cody didn’t frighten me, nor did Krista or any other person who might judge us for being together. I wanted him, and we would make it work.

My excitement quickly drained into trepidation, filling my stomach with bile as I struggled to compute the scene in front of me. I slammed my foot on the brake.

Two figures lit by the outside lights thrashed around in the driveway, one shoving and punching the other.

Holy shit.

Mr. Harris, still dressed in his suit and tie, wrapped his arm was around Hunter’s neck, pinning Hunter to his side. Julia stood on the top steps to the house screaming indistinctly.

I climbed out of the car and raced down the drive. “Hunter!” No one seemed to hear me.

“You are such a fucking disgrace,” his dad seethed. “You can’t even be there at your own brother’s memorial. The whole town was there. The mayor. Even Jaymerson. How do you think it looked to your mother and me? How humiliating that our son can’t even show up?”

Hunter ripped his head from his father’s grip, pulling away. “I don’t give a shit how it looked to others.” Blood leaked from Hunter’s nose, and the side of his face was puffed and bruised.

“You don’t care about anyone but yourself.”

“Me?” Hunter screamed confoundedly. “All you are concerned about is yourself and your stupid image! Not me. Your son. Just how it will appear to others.”

“How dare you!” Mr. Harris moved forward, diving back at Hunter.

“Stop!” I jumped in between them.

“Mitchel!” Julia screamed in warning, her hand at the base of her throat in horror. Mr. Harris reared back in shock at my sudden appearance.

“Jaymerson,” Hunter shouted, trying to shove me out of the way. “Get away from here.”

“No!” I barked, standing my ground. Rage took over. His father’s words and blows shredded the last of my self-doubt.

“You need to leave, Jaymerson. This is family business,” Mr. Harris said through clenched teeth, his hand wiping his mouth.

“Then how come you know so little about yours?”

“Jayme,” Hunter growled, his hands reaching for my shoulder, but I jerked away.

“No. He needs to hear this,” I shot at Hunter, then faced Mr. Harris, my eyes narrowing. “How can you not see the truth? Or is it you don’t want to?” I moved closer to Mitch. “All you care about is if Hunter shows up and plays a part?”

“You need to go. Now!” Mr. Harris yelled, pointing at my car.

“Colton was the boy you dreamed about. One to brag to your friends and model after you. The captain of the football team, with good grades, and a sweet, dismissive girlfriend. The golden boy going off to Princeton. Right?” I swung my arm, gesturing to Hunter. “Hunter, on the other hand, never fit your ideals. He has a strong personality, he stands up to you. Chooses to be himself. You hate it.” The tension in the air was palpable, but no one stopped me. “Did you ever once try and support Hunter, love him for who he is?”

“Jayme…” Hunter took a step to me.

“Because he is the only real one here,” I stressed. “And you’re too blind to see it.”

“You don’t know anything about us or this family.” Mr. Harris’s voice was cold and hard.

“Don’t I?” I matched his tone. “Then how is it I know the tru—”

“Jaymerson. Stop.”

“The baby you think is Hunter’s? It is Colton’s!” I shouted, looking back and forth between the wife and husband. Mrs. Harris paled, her hand going to her mouth. “Hunter claimed it, wanting to protect his brother, the football scholarship, your love…” I tapered off, my focus on Mr. Harris. “But you knew, didn’t you?”

“Stop!” Hunter grabbed my arm.

“And Colton let him,” I whispered hoarsely. “You let him... all to save your precious boy’s reputation.”

A gasp came from the steps. Julia stared at her husband, waiting for him to respond. “Is it true, Mitch? Is it Colton’s?”

He ignored her question, his rage pulsing in my direction.

“Answer me!” Julia demanded, venturing down the steps.

Fury blistered Mr. Harris’s eyes. “How dare you come here and act like you know anything about me. Or my family.” His fists clenched at his sides. “I love my boys. Both of them.”

“Just not equally.”

His chest doubled in size.

Hunter grabbed me by the shoulders, forcing me to back away. “That’s enough, Jayme.”

“You were never good enough for our son. Either of them. You’re merely a gold digger,” his dad spat. “One died so you took up with the other?”

A glitch of silence. Hunter’s hands dropped away from me, fury trundling off him. He stormed up to his father, grabbing him by the collar and yanking him close to his face, showing how easily he could overpower his father if he wanted to.

“Don’t ever talk about her like that.”

“And you don’t talk to me like this.” His dad shoved him back. “Why am I not surprised you’d defend her? She’s wrapped you around her finger like she did Colton. What is it about her? She’s nothing special.” The energy in the air was swelling, violence nibbling at the edges.

“Both of you stop this!” Julia ran down the steps, rushing to them. “I’ve had enough of you two constantly at each other’s throats.” She shoved at their entangled arms. Hunter stepped back, releasing his father.

Mr. Harris straightened his suit, as if he could make the scene right by doing so.

“Is it true? Is the baby Colton’s? I need to know now.” Julia glanced back and forth at the two men. “Hunter?”

Hunter looked away. “Yes,” he murmured.

Pain flashed over her face, and she turned to her husband. “Mitch, look at me. Did you know about Colton?” Julia grabbed his arm, forcing his attention on her. “That the baby was his?”

Mitch shook her hand off, walking a few steps away. He ran his hand over his short hair.

“Tell me!” Julia demanded.

Mitch swung around. “Not for sure.”

“But you suspected?”

He grunted, shrugging his shoulders in a noncommittal response.

Hunter exhaled, shaking his head in resolved disappointment. “If it was me, you could ignore the ‘bastard,’ right? But if anyone found out it was Colton’s, you’d have to accept you had a grandchild. Take care of it.”

“The girl probably got pregnant on purpose.” Mitch swung around. “Tried to trap Colton. I would not give that trash our money or our name.”

Everyone froze, staring at him in disbelief.

“It may be harsh, but it doesn’t make it any less true. It was better this way,” Mr. Harris continued. “He had a future. She would have sucked us dry and opened us up for more trollops looking for a payout.”

“Mitch!” Shock and sadness seeped into Julia’s voice.

“I only wanted to protect him, Julia.” Grief crawled over his features, tearing down the anger. “I only wanted the best for him. Our boy.” A sob wrenched from his throat. “And now he’s gone…” He grabbed his wife, pulling her in.

They both held each other, sobbing. Not once did they look at Hunter, to bring him in and share their pain together. It broke my heart.

Hunter slowly turned from them and walked away.

“Hunter?” I chased after him.

“Go home, Jaymerson.”

“I’m sorry. I lost it when I saw him fighting you. I felt like they needed to know the truth.”

He sucked in a breath, curling and flexing his hand.

“I’m so sorry,” I whispered.

“I’m not mad. You’re right; they needed to know. I’m relieved the truth is out.” He opened the jeep door, his voice void of any emotion.

“Hunter…?”

“Goodbye, Jayme.” I bit my lip and nodded, climbing in.

“Hunter?” Julia’s voice came down the drive.

“I’ll be right there,” he responded. Turning back to me, he closed the jeep door. “Good night.”

“Will I see you tomorrow?”

He stared at me, then gave me a quick nod. “Yeah, see you tomorrow.” He pushed off from the door and walked away.

Diving home, emotion swelled around my throat, choking me. I swallowed them back. I will see him tomorrow, I told myself. But trepidation settled in, pulling me down like an anchor.

I went there to tell him I wanted to be with him but left with the deep resonating feeling he’d just said goodbye.

Chapter Thirty-Five

I was restless all morning, a nervous energy waging war in my limbs, making it difficult for me to sit still. I tried calling Hunter several times, but I only got his voicemail. No matter how much I told myself to relax, I couldn’t fight the sinking sensation inside me.

With every passing hour, the foreboding grew worse. I practically sprinted out of my fourth-period class, already typing on my phone.

Where are you? I sent.

Nothing.

“Dammit.” I tapped the phone against my leg. From the other end of the hall, I saw a familiar black hat bobbing through the crowd.

“Jones.” I elbowed my way through, determined not to lose him. “Jones!”

He jolted, spinning around, shocked I had screamed his name down the hall.

“What’s up?”

“Where’s Hunter? Have you heard from him? Seen him?”

Jones shifted the weight between his legs, his gaze shooting away from mine.

The foreboding turned into full-blown dread. “What?”

He rubbed nervously at his chin.

“Tell me, Jones.”

He huffed, his light green eyes falling back on me. “He doesn’t want you to know.”

“Know what?”

“I promised him, Jayme.”

I stepped up, grabbing Jones’s T-shirt collar, rolling it around my fist and pulling him in close. “Tell. Me. Now.”

“Damn,” he exclaimed, looking down at my hand then up to my no-nonsense expression. “You’re not as timid as you look.”

“Jones,” I warned.

“Fine.” He uncurled my fingers and stepped away. “He’s leaving.”

“Wh-what?” I sputtered. “What do you mean leaving?”

“Leaving town.”

Dread swelled in my throat and slammed my heart against my ribs. I was right. It had been a goodbye. “When?”

“Right now.” Jones pinned his lips, then blew out, pointing toward the front entrance. “He actually just dropped off my house keys. He might still be in the—”

I heard nothing else Jones said; my feet were already sprinting for the door, knocking into anyone in my way.

“Move!” I bellowed, not caring who I rammed into. The lunch hour created a clog of human bodies near the door. From the day I returned after the accident, I’d felt watched like a caged animal. Today was no different.

“I said move!” I shoved a huge guy who stood staring at me. All I could think was with every second they deterred me, Hunter’s truck could slip out of the parking lot. Gone for good. I broke through the front doors, pausing for a moment at the top of the steps, my gaze scanning over the parking lot. Rain sprayed down, denting the puddles of water between the cars.

Panic gurgled in my throat when I couldn’t find Hunter’s blue truck. The parking lot was still, only the sound of rain tapping on the roof above my head. The realization I missed him, he’d left without saying goodbye, hollowed me out like a gutted pumpkin. Oh my god. He’s gone.

I couldn’t move. I barely registered people watching me through the windows and open doors. I stood staring at the beads of water dripping off the overhang, sorrow enfolding me in its arms.

Then deep in the parking lot, behind an SUV, a car engine turned over, headlights breaking through the gloom. My head snapped up as I stepped forward. Hunter’s truck slowly backed out of the spot.

“Hunter!” I bellowed, forcing my legs to move down the steps quicker than they wanted. I hit the sidewalk and bolted for the lot, dodging and diving between cars.

The truck shifted into drive and began to head for the exit.

“No!” I felt the moment slipping through my fingers.

“HUNTER!” My throat burned with the force I used. Keeping the car in my sights, I darted through a row of vehicles and splashed through puddles, legs aching, air burning in my lungs.

Only yards from the exit, the truck curved, heading to the school gates. I jumped in front of it. Headlights blinded me as brakes squeaked, the hood of the car stopping just feet from me. Rain cascaded down my face, and I licked my lips with a sigh of relief.

The truck door opened.

“What the fuck are you thinking, Jaymerson?” Hunter roared, stepping from the truck, exploding my heart. Deep black circles rimmed his eyes, and his nose and the side of his face were bruised and puffy from his scuffle with his father. He looked amazing to me. Dressed in a thin black shirt, jacket, dark blue jeans, and boots, he came barreling toward me like an angry bear. “I almost hit you. You want me to live with that on my conscience too?” Rain fell heavy, dripping off his face and hair. “What are you doing?”

I marched up, putting my hands on my hips. “You first.”

He cocked his head wearily.

“You were going to leave. Without saying goodbye?”

He stepped back on one leg, rubbing water off his face. I was fully aware of the audience watching us from the cafeteria window and the front stoop of the school. I didn’t care. Nothing mattered except us.

He ran a hand over his wet hair, his eyes darting away. “I can’t stay.”

“You can’t leave.”

“Why not?” He kicked at a puddle below him. “I have no home. My father kicked me out last night.”

Jesus, Mitch Harris was a bastard.

“I’m sorry. But you said it wasn’t your home anyway. Stay with Jones. Doug. Krista.”

He glanced away.

“What about Cody?”

A sardonic chuckle came from his chest. “Now that my mother knows the baby is Colton’s, she wants to step up and help. Be a true grandmother. Help Krista with bills.” I could sense the hurt under every word. “Funny, when she thought he was mine, she wanted nothing to do with him.”

It was hard not to hate his parents when I thought about the pain they caused him, the blatant favoritism and cruelty. It made me even more determined to show him I was there for him. No matter what.

“I will still be there for both of them. Whenever they need me. Cody will have a father.” He crossed his arms. “Right now, though, I need to get away from all this for a bit.”

Did that include me?

“Where are you going?” Water poured from my lashes and lips no matter how much I wiped at my face.

“Have a cousin who lives in San Diego. There’s a huge Supercross and Motocross crowd there.” He waited for a second before he shook his head. “I can’t do this again.” Pain flashed in his eyes, retreating for the car. “I can’t keep doing this with you, Jayme.”

“Wait!” I reached out, my finger digging into his jacket. “Don’t go.”

He took in a deep gulp of air but kept his gaze off me. “Don’t do this. It’s too late,” he said quietly and reached for the door handle.

My heart thumped in my chest, ringing in my ears. “No!” I grabbed his arm again, swinging him back to face me. “You were the one who said we have to fight harder. You are not going to walk away. Not after all we’ve been through.” I jabbed at his chest. “I’m in love with you, Hunter Browning Harris. Utterly. I am going to fight for us and anyone who dares get in our way. Hell, I’ll even kick your ass if I have to, but you are not giving up on us.”

He stood watching me with an unreadable expression on his face.

“Say something. Yell. Scream. Tell me to fuck off, I don’t care, but don’t pacify me.” I quoted him from the night I had walked away at Krista’s. “I want to hear the truth. What do you want, Hunter?”

The headlights of his car flickered through the torrent of water drenching us. I couldn’t feel anything.

“Say it,” I demanded, my voice low.

He tilted his head, watching me carefully.

“Say it!”

He rolled his jaw, his face hard. His eyes bored into me.

It was no. He didn’t want me anymore.

I felt my heart crack, pain flooding into my gut. I blinked, looking down, trying to fight the tears.

“You.” The word came out gruff.

“What?” My head snapped back up.

“I want you.”

Exhilaration and relief forced me to gasp for breath.

“Always have.” A slight mischievous glint hinted on his mouth.

We both moved at the same time. His hands slid roughly up my jaw, pulling me to him. His lips came down on mine with crushing force. I responded with desperation. Claiming him. The passion we held back for so long sizzled through us. He pulled me against him, one hand clasping my neck, the other on my lower back. Our mouths were needy and demanding and we gave ourselves over to the desire.

Gasps and exclamations went through the crowd of onlookers. No more rumors; this was real.

I took a breath. “Stay,” I whispered against his lips. “Stay till graduation. Then we both can go.”

He smiled, his grip moving to the sides of my face. “I think I need more convincing.” He brought his mouth back on mine, kissing away the water pelting down from the sky.

I didn’t care what people were doing or saying around us. At last, I was holding the man I loved. Whatever was ahead of us, wherever we were, we would deal with it.

My world had shattered, along with my bones, and heart. But in losing someone, I found myself, the person I wanted to be, inside and out. And I found him.

My reality and truth.

The reason I shed my feathers and could soar into the sky and fly.

Thank you to all my readers. Your opinion really matters to me and helps others decide if they want to purchase my book. If you enjoyed this book, please consider leaving a review on the site where you purchased it. It would mean a lot. Thank you.

Want more Jaymerson and Hunter? Read the first chapter in their duet story, Broken Love, next! Sign up for my newsletter to stay updated my other contemporary romance novels.

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Broken Love

Chapter One

Flags of blue and gold flapped in the light breeze, doing nothing to cool me from the June heat simmering under my gown. The sticky humidity plastered the dress to my skin. The sun was slowly setting, but it only intensified the temperature on the stands set in the middle of the football field. “Congratulations” signs to our class were plastered everywhere, and our principal, Victoria Matlin, dressed in a dark skirt suit with nylons, which had to be unbearable, addressed the crowd.

I stopped listening after I got my diploma, lost in thought, and the need to be done with this school. This entire year.

Shading my eyes, I spotted my sister standing on my father’s legs, screaming my name. “Jay-Jay!” She waved one of my old gold-and-blue cheerleading pom-poms. Smiling, I waved back, my gaze falling over Mom, Dad, Grandma Nessa and Grandpa T, Grandma Penny, and then my best friend, Stevie. Today her hair was tinted gold and blue beneath her white-blonde locks, in honor of my graduation. She sat next to my mom on the bleachers, putting a finger to her head, mimicking shooting herself, making me laugh. I told her she didn’t have to come, but she insisted she wanted to be here for me.

“You need at least one friend out there. Not like you have any left at that awful school,” Stevie had said the night before while out for dinner.

“Wow, thanks.” The truth still hurt.

“I’m sorry, but do you have any other friends?”

“No.” I groaned laying my head on the table, pizza steaming between us. I had gone from one of the most popular girls to a complete and total outcast.

“Wait, that’s not true.” I sat back. “I do. Chris, Jones, Doug, and Megan…  Can I count Megan?”

“No.” Stevie shook her head with a dramatic sigh. “She doesn’t like you. She’s Krista’s best friend. And none of them will be there anyway. Just sad, Whiskey… tragic, really.”

“Stop, please. I feel overwhelmed with warm fuzzies.”

“You know I must love you. I have not stepped foot on campus since the day I graduated. I even dyed my hair in your honor. This is epic love, I’m telling you.” She slid a slice onto her plate, then licked her fingers.

“When was what? Fifteen- twenty years ago you graduated from there?” I tried to fight back my grin, sipping my soda. It was barely five. “And you’re still here… tragic, really…  Maybe you and Doug could room together like the Golden Girls. Reminisce about your peak years.”

“Careful, you’re precariously close to having no friends.” She had glared at me, taking a bite of pizza. I couldn’t contain a laugh. We both knew this friendship was for life; our bond and love went way too deep.

This year had been excruciating, both physically and mentally. If I hadn’t almost died and wound up temporarily paralyzed, I’d have been a lot more upset about losing all my “supposed” friends. After months, their torment in person and on social media had only slightly waned. It seemed as though the only way they could get through the day was to make mine hell. I was looking forward to moving on. From school and from this town, which kept me in a time capsule. I could never break from the tragedy that colored everyone’s view of me, but I was tired of fighting their judgment, pity, and disgust.

“I’ve been here a long time.” Principal Matlin glanced back at the students in the stands, bringing me back to the present. “And this class will always be one that stays in my heart. The tragic loss of Colton Harris was far, far too great of a price. And we nearly lost two others.”

I could feel everyone’s regard turn to me, sizzling my already scorching skin. Their sympathy was laced heavily with scorn; the scarlet letter branded into my chest, crucifying me. I could almost hear their thoughts: Why did she live while our golden boy, the local football hero, the one destined to bring this town glory, is dead?

Everyone treated Colton like a king in life and a saint in death. The perfect wholesome boy. But I knew the truth.

The mention of his name still made my stomach tighten with agony. I had come to peace with Colton, but his name still evoked emotions, memories, and the naive, simple world I had lived in before the accident. Sounds of his laughter and images of his easygoing smile mixed with tires squealing and the crunching of metal, pumped my heart into panic.

“He was a bright star whose light went out way too soon. Someone whose pure heart and soul were almost bigger than his talent in football.” I tipped my head down at Matlin’s statement, pressing my lips together. Pure? Colton was certainly far from that. “He should be here, sitting next to his peers, planning his future. It reminds me to tell you that while you should go out and celebrate this big step and achievement, I beg you to please be safe.”

Looking over at my ex-friends, Colton’s friends, I knew none of them would heed her warning. Most of the school would be at Jason’s house, a huge graduation party catered to our class, while Carrie and Dan provided alcohol and pot. The parties paused but didn’t really stop after the accident. It had been a full school year since Colton died, and their memory of his death faded like a faraway dream. Colton may have died, but it wouldn’t happen to them, right? They were invincible.

I wiggled on the bench. I knew if nothing had happened that fateful night, I’d still be sitting with them, next to Colton, ignoring the principal, and talking about the party that night. Colton would be hinting at getting laid. I could see it perfectly. But it was like watching a movie. Another girl. Another life. I certainly wasn’t the same person I had been last September.

That night I almost died, my world shattered, but instead of crippling me, I woke up. The bubble of my perfect life popped, and I realized I had been blind. I’d played a part, pleased others, and acted as the girl everyone liked, with no real clue to who I really was.

That girl was long gone.

“Congratulations, graduates!” The principal yelled into the mic and the entire football field and stands exploded in cheers and applause of excitement. Caps sailed into the air, along with hundreds of balloons.

It was bittersweet. I was glad to end this chapter in my life, but Colton’s loss still numbed the excitement I should have felt. No matter what he had done, I missed him so much. He had been my friend, my boyfriend. He should have been here… with his twin, whose seat was also vacant.

Throngs of people moved around, hugging and cheering, running to their friends. The elation in the atmosphere should have been contagious, but it only scraped against my nerves. Squeals pierced my ears as groups of girls jumped up and down, hugging each other. Guys bounced off each other’s chests in a display of amplified testosterone. I knew every single person here, but not one person from my class took notice of me, except for a quick glance and scowl.

The only group I might get a welcome from wasn’t even here.

“Whiskey!” A loud voice penetrated through the horde, cutting out all other noise like a scalpel. Stevie’s nickname for me was because not only did my name sound like a brand of whiskey, she also thought my hair was the color of it.

Actually, it was probably because she didn’t remember my name.

I turned to see Stevie trotting up to me, Reece holding her hand. My parents stood several yards behind. “Congrats, girl!” She hugged me as Reece bounced on her toes, shaking the pom-poms. Since she had discovered them in the back of my closet, she had procured them as hers and went from wanting to be a princess to a cheerleader. Made me miss the princess days.

“Con-gats, Jay-Jay,” she chanted, waving her arms around in a cheerleading move I showed her. I picked up my little sister and squeezed her body into mine. Despite our huge age gap—she was only six—we were exceptionally close. She was my shadow and my buddy. “I made up a cheer for you. Want to see?” She wriggled in my arms until I set her down.

“Of course.” I rubbed her head, pulling away the blue graduation gown from my sticky frame, the light breeze touching where my short black dress didn’t. I wore chucks instead of heels, going for comfort. I never liked heels, but after the accident, my injured leg ached in flat shoes, so I knew heels would have been torture.

As Reece did her little routine, consisting of a jump, twirl, and shake of the pom-poms, I clapped, which encouraged her to do it again.

“Another Holloway I will need to guide and shape.” Stevie grinned, shaking her head. “Get them young so it’s easier to train the horrible ideals out of them.”

“You mean you’ll corrupt her.”

“Tom-ay-to, tom-ah-to.” Stevie clapped along with me as Reece finished her dance again.

“Jay-Jay!” Mom and Dad moved closer, hugging me. “We are so proud of you.”

“Because I actually graduated?”

“Pretty much.” Dad curled an arm around me. “You were our first, so our expectations were low.”

“Shut up.” I laughed, knocking my hip into his, knowing the truth was exactly the opposite. They had laid a lot of pressure on my shoulders. They’d been young when they had me. I got the strict parents, while Reece gained the easygoing, fun parents. Dad and I had always been close, though it had been a bit rocky lately, our relationship going through some growing pains. The shift in my personality hadn’t been a smooth ride.

Dad laughed, kissing my temple, while girls and teachers openly gawked at him. At only thirty-nine, Noah Holloway was tall, handsome, and fit from his job as an assistant football coach, with tousled light brown hair and steel-blue eyes. I was always disturbed by the amount of attention he got from women of all ages, though he only had eyes for my mother and constantly said he “married up.” My mother, Amy Holloway, was equally a knockout, with her shoulder-length, wavy dark hair and brown eyes, her figure toned from all the biking she did. I couldn’t deny I came from excellent genes.

“My baby is a graduate…  When did that happen?” Mom wrapped her arms around me, emotion moistening her eyes. She pulled away but kept her fingers on my face. “I am so proud of you.”

“Thanks, Mom.”

I knew her tears were for more than my graduation. It was pure luck I stood here at all, or that I wasn’t in a wheelchair. I spent months fighting to walk again, but I was still plagued with a limp. But by a slim chance, I had survived the accident, making this moment even more monumental.

“Mom, don’t.” I waggled my head.

“I’m sorry…” She sniffed. “I’m so happy we’re here. You’re here.” Her palm brushed down my long chestnut hair.

“I know.” I covered her hand with mine, keenly aware of the fragility of life, the possibility this could have been a memorial instead of a celebration.

“Okay, I want to congratulate my granddaughter.” Grandma Nessa bumped my mom away, her arms wrapping around me in a hasty hug. My dad’s mom was a dominating control freak. I loved her, but I wasn’t especially close to her or my Grandpa T, who hugged me stiffly. They were completely opposite of my Grandma Penny, Mom’s mother. After Grandpa Jaymerson died, she turned into a free spirit, always going on trips with her Bunco group, and doing things like skydiving and parasailing. She was my hero.

“So happy for you, my beautiful girl.” Grandma Penny hugged me to her soft, squishy frame, love and light whisking off her in thick strands. She held me close, whispering in my ear. “I know we have a little party for you at home before you go out with your friends.” I didn’t bother correcting her it was friend, not friends. “But before you get dragged away, I think there is someone here who would also like to congratulate you.” Without notice, she clutched my arms tighter than any sixty-five-year old should and pirouetted me around.

In a blink my entire universe centered on the silhouette hanging back, leaning on a tree near Colton’s memorial fountain, accelerating my heart and breath.

He’s here.

At six feet three with vibrant blue eyes visible under his cap, tattoos, scruff, broad shoulders, and a slight smirk dimpling his left cheek, Hunter Harris embodied everything sexy and dangerous I ever wanted in a guy. A recipe I had come to find out over the past nine months, I had no resistance to.

Wearing a gray T-shirt, dark jeans, and black riding boots as if the weather had no jurisdiction on him, he appeared cool and reserved.

Shit. How did I forget how unbelievably gorgeous he is?

“Go, girl. Seize life. And that handsome boy.” Grandma Penny shoved me forward, tearing the silly grad cap from my head. “Unless he would prefer an older woman? I need a new pool boy.”

“You don’t have a pool.”

“I could get one.”

I couldn’t help but laugh as I strode forward, my stomach spinning, my pulse pounding in my ears. Seeing him again made my legs wobble and drenched my skin with more heat.

My rapid steps slowed when I stepped under the canopy of trees. “Hey.” My voice came out softer than I intended, almost unsure.

“Hey.” Not moving from the tree, his gaze moved slowly over me, his deep voice tingling my body.

“You’re back.” My throat was so tight I could barely swallow.

“I am.” His eyes met mine, intense, but not giving anything away.

“How was Albuquerque?” Licking my lips, I stepped closer, out of habit, peering over my shoulder, searching for witnesses. As usual when it came to Hunter and me, eyes seemed to find us, like our connection announced itself with some sort of electrical impulse the moment we were near each other. I didn’t care about most people’s opinions, but I gulped nervously at my father’s glower.

Following my gaze, Hunter snorted, shaking his head. “I see my biggest fan is thrilled I’m back too.”

“Ignore him.” I took another step, stopping only a few feet from him, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. “I watched you on TV. Congrats on your win.”

“Thanks.” A brief smile ghosted his mouth. True to Hunter, he didn’t elaborate or brag about his latest supercross championship win. He had pummeled the competition, and I knew the sponsors, agents, and press had to be swarming him after he came out of nowhere and beat some of the best riders.

“What are you doing back? I thought you were heading to Colorado next?”

“I am.” His attention ran down me again, creating a shiver up my spine. “But I have a few days in between.” For the past two months he had been on the supercross tour circuit, leaving school and me behind, obtaining a GED while touring the States.

“You told me you didn’t want to be anywhere near here on graduation.” With his twin brother’s memorial only feet away, I didn’t blame him. Graduation without Colton, standing there without your other half, would have been anything but celebratory. I lived every day with guilt for letting Colton drive that night; I couldn’t imagine Hunter’s. Hunter had never been a fan of high school, being the dark shadow on the edges of the campus, doing just enough to graduate and leave. Colton, on the other hand, had been the sun everyone revolved around. If anyone should have been here, it should have been him.

I had dated Colton but fell in love with Hunter long before I realized I had. Hunter and I drew close. Our feelings were encouraged by the hardship we’d been through, but we’d been discouraged by anyone with an opinion. The scandal of us being together seemed to disgust the whole town. I heard the gossip, by young and old, and the ruthless censure on my character, my behavior. I was called a “whore” and “brother fucker” by my peers and severely ridiculed by the elders. They no longer saw me as someone who went through a tragedy but as a “harlot.”

I could say other people’s opinions didn’t matter, but it was bullshit. Even the strongest person would crumble under the weight of so much cruelty, especially when many launched their attacks from the safety of their computer screens.

“I didn’t want to.” Hunter shoved off the tree, his height looming over my five-foot-four frame. “But…” He tapered off, his fingers reaching out, softly threading through my hair. “Congrats, Jayme,” he whispered hoarsely, dipping his head, his gaze dropping to my mouth, compelling me to lick them nervously. “You look pretty.”

What was it about him? The minute he came near me I was reduced to a puddle of lust. Nothing in my brain functioned.

“Hunter…” I nipped my bottom lip, glimpsing over my shoulder. “I haven’t seen you for over two months, barely heard from you, and you just show up here like nothing happened?”

That day in the rain, when I jumped out in front of his truck, my heart in my hands, was still the talk of the town. Everything in that moment had been perfect. A movie ending. But that wasn’t how life worked; it kept going, throwing more hurdles at you.

We had two days of bliss, our hands and lips never venturing far from each other, when Hunter got the call he had been anticipating for years. To participate in the Pro AMA Supercross Tour, starting in Las Vegas. A small but respected sponsor wanted him to wear their logo. It was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, and I could never begrudge him that. He left the next day with promises we’d talk every day. That lasted for about a week and a half before the calls dwindled. Between working to get my grades back up and his crazy schedule with press junkets and meetings, our communications grew fewer and further between. I ended up talking to Jones more than Hunter. Jones had gotten his GED as well and went on the road with Hunter, taking over as his and Chris’s manager. Chris, called Tarzan by Stevie, was called to be a sub if anything happened to a rider, and their lives became a whirlwind, slowly disappearing from ours.

Resentment at being left behind grew in me like a nasty mold. I was stuck listening to all the negative talk and taking the daily beatings online from ex-friends, witnessing my parents frowns when I spoke his name, and scrubbing my locker weekly of chalked-on insults.

My world was reduced to the size of Stevie and my family, and my concentration turned to getting my father to say yes to summer school abroad in Italy. The summer’s focus was on art history. My dream. With reluctance, my father finally agreed, and I was leaving in two weeks.

“I know.” Hunter inched in closer, the feel of him encasing me. His sexy familiar smell, something deeply manly and clean with hints of his soap lingering through, make me even stupider. “I’m so sorry. My schedule barely let me sleep, but if it makes you feel better, you were in my thoughts a lot… especially in the shower.”

I glanced to the side, blushing, and tried not to laugh, my head shaking, pretending as though he hadn’t been the star in mine as well. For two people whose clothes seemed to peel away in each other’s presence, we had yet to cross that line, not in real life anyway. Though in my mind we had countless times.

“Is Chris back with you?” I cleared my throat, trying to erase visions of naked Hunter dancing around in my head.

“Yeah.” Hunter’s gaze went over my head to Stevie. “But I’m not sure he will get a warm welcome.”

“No, he won’t,” I scoffed. Stevie and Chris were like the spider and a fly, both thinking they were the spider, only to get more tangled in the web.

Hunter’s heated gaze fell on me again, his voice dropping so low it was a rumble in his chest. “I’ve missed you.”

My lids squeezed together, my head dropping. “That’s not fair.”

“Never liked playing fair.”

“Don’t I know it.”

“I’m staying with Doug.” Somehow he got even closer to me, his fingers trailing up my arms. “I assume you’ll be with Stevie tonight. Chris will be at Doug’s too. Please come by.”

Folding my lips together, I tried to keep back the flood of emotion Hunter could inflict through me, my will caving like dry, thin crackers.

“Please, Jayme.”

“Damn you,” I whispered, my shoulders sagging in defeat.

“Was that a yes?”

“Yes,” I grunted, rubbing my head.

“Thank you.” His hand skated over my jaw. “I have to go see Krista and Cody, but I’ll be back at the house around nine. See you then?”

I swallowed, only able to nod in agreement. Damn him.

“Happy graduation, again.” He stepped back.

“This is technically your graduation too.” I signaled to the celebration happening behind us.

“No.” He shook his head, his eyes going over toward Colton’s monument before they came back to mine, a sadness tinting them. “This is my brother’s day.”

He slipped back into the shadows, disappearing like only Hunter Harris could.

CONTINUE JAYMERSON AND HUNTERS STORY NOW!

Acknowledgments

Even though this book was my first contemporary I had written, I didn’t want it to be my first one released. This story came to me while writing From Burning Ashes (Collector Series) and wouldn’t let me go. This was the first time I wrote two books at one time. I fell so much in love with these characters, and I hope you do too, and want their story to continue!

As usual the help I got bringing this book to life was amazing.

A HUGE thanks to:

- Mom- Every book exists because of your help. Thank you.

- Kiki at Next Step P.R- Thank you for all your hard work! Love you girl. https://thenextsteppr.org/

- Colleen- Please don’t ever leave me! I can’t do without you now! You rock as my assistant.

- Jordan- Every book is better because of you. I have your voice constantly in my head as I write. http://jordanrosenfeld.net/

- Hollie “the editor”- Always wonderful, supportive, and a dream to work with. http://www.hollietheeditor.com/.

- Cover by Dane at E-book Launch- Beautiful cover as always! https://ebooklaunch.com/

- To Judi at http://www.formatting4u.com/: Thank you!

- To all the readers who have supported me: My gratitude is for all you do and how much you help indie authors out of the pure love of reading.

- To all the indie/hybrid authors out there who inspire, challenge, support, and push me to be better: I love you!

- And to anyone who has picked up an indie book and given an unknown author a chance. THANK YOU!

About the Author

Stacey Marie Brown is a lover of hot fictional bad boys and sarcastic heroines who kick butt. She also enjoys books, travel, TV shows, hiking, writing, design, and archery. Stacey swears she is part gypsy, being lucky enough to live and travel all over the world.

She grew up in Northern California, where she ran around on her family’s farm, raising animals, riding horses, playing flashlight tag, and turning hay bales into cool forts.

When she’s not writing she’s out hiking, spending time with friends, and traveling. She also volunteers helping animals and is eco-friendly. She feels all animals, people, and the environment should be treated kindly and equally.

To learn more about Stacey or her books, visit her at:

Author website & Newsletter: www.staceymariebrown.com

Facebook Author page: www.facebook.com/SMBauthorpage

Pinterest: www.pinterest.com/s.mariebrown

Twitter: @S_MarieBrown

Instagram: www.instagram.com/staceymariebrown/

Amazon page: www.amazon.com/Stacey-Marie-Brown/e/B00BFWHB9U

Goodreads: www.goodreads.com/author/show/6938728.Stacey_Marie_Brown

Her Facebook group: www.facebook.com/groups/1648368945376239/

Bookbub: www.bookbub.com/authors/stacey-marie-brown

Table of Contents

ALSO BY STACEY MARIE BROWN

Table of Contents

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Nineteen

Chapter Twenty

Chapter Twenty-One

Chapter Twenty-Two

Chapter Twenty-Three

Chapter Twenty-Four

Chapter Twenty-Five

Chapter Twenty-Six

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Chapter Thirty

Chapter Thirty-One

Chapter Thirty-Two

Chapter Thirty-Three

Chapter Thirty-Four

Chapter Thirty-Five

Acknowledgments

About the Author