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For Debra. You’re the pepper to my salt, always keeping it spicy.

Prologue: No More Bad Boys

Amie

I scan the room, searching for familiar faces—anyone in my department at Moorehead Media who I know well enough to strike up menial conversation with. As I perform my visual sweep, I note a small cluster of men at three o’clock. The cluster effect isn’t unusual. This entire party is made up of human semicircles, half of them wearing fake smiles, feigning interest in conversations, the other half using it as a means to conduct business under the influence of alcohol.

My gaze snags and catches on one man in particular. He’s not engaged in his semicircle discussion. I know this, because he’s looking at me. Or at least he’s looking in my direction. He’s dressed like every other man in this room—dark suit and tie—but his face, dear lord, is stunning. High cheekbones that belong to a model, strong jaw, plush lips, perfect nose, eyes framed with thick lashes. His dark hair is cut short and styled in a way that reminds me of a 1950s mobster. Clean cut, refined, exactly the opposite of my usual type.

I keep my hands cupped around my empty glass rather than giving in to the urge to fidget.

After what feels like far too many seconds of prolonged eye contact, the same heat that caused my cheeks to flush moves through my body, making my scalp, among other places, tingle. I look over my shoulder, just to make sure it’s really me he’s staring at so intently. Behind me is a group of women in their fifties, so unless he’s into MILFs, I’m the focus of his attention.

A smile pulls the corners of his mouth up, flashing white teeth and popping a dimple. He absently addresses his group and then he’s moving in my direction. I don’t think I know him. I’d remember a face that gorgeous. As he closes in on me I note how arresting his eyes are. A shocking shade of blue, made more vibrant against the dark hair. His patterned tie matches his eyes. I’m sure it’s purposeful.

He stops when he’s just inside my personal space, the tiniest bit too close to be perfectly comfortable for strangers. His smile grows, his dimples deepening, eyes searching my face with an expression I can’t quite read.

“Hi.” His voice is a gentle caress that begins at the column of my throat and travels down my body, all the way to the sensitive place at the back of my knee.

“Hi.” I break the eye contact for a moment, unnerved by his intensity. I take in the rest of him in the seconds of visual disconnection. He’s a big man, broad with heavy shoulders and thick arms. I imagine there’s definition under that suit based on the tapered waist. His dress shoes are two-tone black and white brogues, as if he’s flipping off the pretension of this party with his choice of footwear.

He chuckles softly, bringing my attention back to his face. He shakes his head, tilting it to the side as his grin becomes sheepish. “I’m sorry. It’s just . . . you’re just . . . wow. I’m Lexington.” He extends a manicured hand.

“I’m Amalie.” The awkwardness seems to cut through the intensity. At least until I slip my fingers into his palm. The jolt of energy that floods my body forces me to suppress a shudder.

He envelopes my hand in both of his. “Amalie. That’s a beautiful name for a beautiful woman. I’d say the most captivating woman in the room, really. I wasn’t sure if someone had snuck something into my drink and I was hallucinating. I’m very pleased that isn’t the case.”

Is this guy for real? “I’m sorry, what?”

He bites his lip and drops his gaze, almost shyly, then glances around the ballroom before turning that smile back on me. I can’t decide if this whole shy thing is part of an act.

He makes a sweeping gesture, his gaze following his hand. “You’re a knockout. Where’s your date?” Subtle. He’s a master of flirting, that’s for sure.

“Um, I don’t have a date.”

“Fantastic. Hard to believe, but great news for me.” He lifts my hand and bends his head. The cuff of his shirt pulls up, exposing a sliver of colorful ink at his wrist. Maybe he’s not quite as clean cut as I first assumed. I wonder how far that ink goes. Alarm bells go off in my head as his soft, warm lips brush the back of my hand.

The electric snap of lust has me snatching my hand away. My mouth is suddenly desert dry. What the hell? I laugh, but it’s a needy sound. I don’t know what else to do, so I take a sip from my empty glass, the three ice cubes tinkling in the bottom.

“Let me get you a drink,” he offers.

“Uh . . .”

“I’m not asking you to marry me, yet.” He winks. “Just have a drink with me. We can talk. It’ll give me a valid reason to keep checking you out. It’ll be fun for both of us.”

Oh my God, this guy is full of lines. I laugh again and duck my head.

“Unless you’d rather cut out of the party early and catch the next flight to Vegas. Get to know each other on the way to our wedding instead? I’m pretty sure we could be back for work on Monday.”

I’m sure my smile matches his. He’s having way too much fun with this. “I’ll take the drink.”

“You sure? I can hook us up with a private jet. We could engage in all the wedding night festivities on the way, you know, just to make sure we’re compatible and we’re not making a mistake.”

“You’ve got this all mapped out, don’t you?”

“Not at all. Flying by the seat of my pants, really. I was just giving you options since you seemed on the fence about the drink.”

“I think a drink is a good place to start.”

“Cautious. I like that. What’s your poison?”

Men like you. “A vodka-soda would be lovely.”

“I’ll be right back. Don’t disappear on me.” He winks again and then moves through the crowd toward the bar.

I exhale a deep breath. I really shouldn’t be encouraging him. I’ve promised myself I’m going to take a break from dating after the last fiasco. One of my most recent mistakes in the man department told me he was in the import-export business. It wasn’t until we were on our way back from a weekend trip to Mexico that I discovered he wasn’t talking about legal imports.

Twelve hours detained in an interrogation room in a Mexican airport, followed by a long trip home with my irate father had me promising not to make any more of these bad decisions. But it’s been two months of celibacy and movie nights with my best friend, Ruby. A drink and a little flirting can’t hurt.

“Amalie Whitfield?”

I glance up to find a handsome, vaguely familiar man standing in front of me. He has sandy blond hair, warm blue eyes, and a straight, regal nose. “Hi. Hello.”

He leans in, a soft smile on his lips. “I’m here to save you.”

“I’m sorry?” Maybe there’s a full moon tonight.

“From my cousin, Lexington. I saw him talking to you a moment ago and I felt I should warn you. He’s got quite the reputation in this circle with women. I wouldn’t want you to get caught up with someone like him.”

“Oh, uh . . . thanks?” Of course I attract the bad ones.

“I’m just doing my due diligence, saving a beautiful woman from making a terrible mistake.”

I laugh, disconcerted. The last thing I need is to disappoint my parents again, or almost end up in prison.

“I’m Armstrong.” He extends a hand and I take it. He lifts it to his lips and presses a kiss to my knuckle. “Are you enjoying my party?”

I try to hide my surprise. He’s Armstrong Moorehead, son of the CEO of the company. “Oh, yes. It’s wonderful. I’ve met quite a few new people.”

“Yes, I’m sure you have, although not all of them good.” He gives me a conspiratorial wink. “Would you like to dance with me?” Without waiting for a response, he plucks the empty glass from my hand and sets it on a passing waiter’s tray. Pulling me close, but leaving a respectable distance between us, he settles a palm low on my back and leads me around the dance floor. He’s an excellent dancer, refined, poised. Even less my usual type than his cousin.

“You’re new to the company, aren’t you?” he asks.

“Relatively. I’ve been working for Moorehead for two months now.”

“I thought so. In the magazine branch, correct? I’ll have to make a point of stopping by to see how you’re settling in.”

“That’s not necessary. I’m sure you’re far too busy for that.”

“Not at all. I’d love to take you out for lunch, or maybe dinner would be better. It would alleviate any potential time constraints.”

“To discuss the marketing campaigns I’m working on?” Oh my God. Meeting with the son of the CEO seems incredibly daunting. Especially when our introduction entailed him warning me off his cousin.

He laughs and smiles warmly. “I don’t want to discuss marketing with you, Amalie, I want to take you out.”

“Out?” I can’t believe this is happening. While it isn’t unheard of for me to get hit on occasionally, twice in a span of minutes by two hot men is ridiculous. At least this one seems less likely to add to the unending list of bad-boy mistakes. The first one was too smooth to be real.

“On a date. Surely someone as beautiful as you has been asked on a date before.”

“Wouldn’t that be considered a conflict of interest since I work for Moorehead?” I have no interest in creating more problems for myself.

“I have no direct dealings with the magazine branch of the company. I assure you, it’s perfectly acceptable for you to go out with me. Unless you’re already seeing someone.”

He seems so sweet, and definitely someone who wouldn’t disappoint my family or cause any more scandal. “I’m not seeing anyone.”

His smile grows wider. “That’s wonderful news. Are you busy tomorrow night?”

“I don’t think so?” Ruby and I might have movie plans, but I’m sure she’ll be fine with me canceling on account of having a date with someone like Armstrong.

“Excellent. It’s a date then.” He glances around the ballroom, his smile growing wider as his gaze lands somewhere over my shoulder. When his attention returns to me he winks. “I’m so very glad I could save you from the wolf tonight, Amalie.”

One: Wedding Unbliss

Amie

Ten months later

This is the happiest day of my life. I allow that thought to roll around in my head, trying to figure out why it doesn’t seem to resonate the way it should. This should be the happiest day of my life. So I’m not exactly certain why the uneasy feeling I associate with cold feet is getting worse rather than dissipating. I’ve already done the hard part; walked down the aisle and said “I do.”

My husband excused himself to go to the bathroom several minutes ago and, based on Armstrong’s itinerary for the day, speeches are supposed to begin promptly at eight-thirty. According to my phone, that’s less than two minutes from now, and he’s not here. The emcee for the evening is awaiting Armstrong’s return before he begins. And then the real party can start. The one where we get to celebrate our commitment to each other as partners for life. As in the rest of my breathing days. Dear God, why does that make my stomach twist?

I sip my white wine. Armstrong pointed out that red is not a good idea with my dress, even though it’s my preference. Besides, I don’t want it to stain my teeth. That would make for bad pictures.

I glance around the hall and see my parents, who are probably celebrating the fact that I didn’t walk down the aisle with a convicted felon. And frankly, so am I. My dating history pre-Armstrong wasn’t fabulous.

The sheer number of people in attendance spikes my anxiety. Speaking in front of all of these people makes me want to drink more, which is a bad idea. Tipsy speeches could lead to saying the wrong thing. I check my phone under the table again. It’s after eight-thirty. The longer Armstrong takes to return, the further behind we’ll get. The music playlist, devised by Armstrong with painstaking efficiency, leaves no room for tardiness. If we don’t start on time I’ll have to take out a song, or possibly two, to compensate for his delay and he’s selected the order in such a way as to make that difficult, and that will annoy him. I just want today to be perfect. I want it to be reflective of my decision to marry Armstrong. That I, Amalie Whitfield, can make good choices and am not a disgrace to my family.

“Where the hell is he?” I scan the room and take another small sip of my wine. I should switch to water soon so I don’t end up drunk, especially later, when all of this is over and we can celebrate our lifelong commitment to each other without clothes on. I’m hopeful it will last more than five minutes.

Ruby, my maid of honor and best friend for the past decade, puts a hand on my shoulder. “Would you like Bancroft to find Armstrong?”

Bancroft, or Bane for short, is Ruby’s boyfriend who she’s been living with for several months. Recently I find myself getting a little jealous of how affectionate they still are with each other, even after all this time. Cohabitation hasn’t slowed them down on the sex or their PDA. I have hope that Armstrong and I will be more like Bane and Ruby now that we’ll be sharing the same bed every night.

I’m about to tell Ruby to give him another minute when a low buzz suddenly fills the hall. It sounds like a school PA system. I start to panic—they can’t start the speeches without Armstrong at my side. What’s the point of speeches if the groom isn’t present?

I’m halfway out of my seat, ready to tell the DJ, or whoever is behind the mic, that he needs to wait, when a very loud moan echoes through the room. The acoustics are phenomenal in here, it’s why we chose this venue.

I glance at Ruby to make sure I’m not hearing things. Her eyes are wide. The kind of wide associated with shock. The same shock I’m feeling.

Another moan reverberates through the sound system, followed by the words, “Oh, fuuuck.”

A collective gasp ripples through the now-silent crowd. While the words themselves are scandalous among these guests, it’s the voice groaning them that makes me sit up straighter, and simultaneously consider hiding under the table.

“Fuck yeah. Ah, suck it. That’s it. Deep throat it like a good little slut. Fuuuuuccckkkkk.”

My mouth drops and I look to Ruby to ensure I have not completely lost my mind. “Is that—” I don’t finish the sentence. I already know the answer to the question, so it’s pointless to ask. Besides, I’m cut off by yet another loud groan. I clap a hand over my mouth because I’m not sure I’m able to close it, my disbelief as vast as the ocean.

Ruby’s expression mirrors mine, except hers is incredibly animated since she’s an actress. “Oh my God. Is that Armstrong?” Her words are no more than a whisper, but they sound very much like a scream. Oh no, wait, that’s just Armstrong on the verge of an orgasm. But these sounds are nothing like the ones he makes when he’s in the throes of passion with me.

I clutch Ruby’s hand. The next sound that comes from him is a hybrid between a hyena laugh and a wolf baying at the moon. And every guest at our wedding is hearing the same thing I am. Our wedding. Someone other than me is blowing my husband at my own wedding. My mortification knows no end.

I grab the closest bottle of wine and dump the contents into my glass. Some of it sloshes over the edge and onto the crisp white tablecloth. It doesn’t matter. There’s plenty more where it came from. I chug the glass, then grab Ruby’s.

People lean in and whisper to each other, eyes lifting to the speakers. A few people, the ones who are probably just here for the social-ladder-climbing potential, question who it is.

“Is the DJ watching porn?” That comment comes from a table full of mostly drunk singles in their early twenties.

Several eyes shift my way as I carelessly down Ruby’s wine and someone asks where the groom has disappeared to.

The grunts and groans grow terrifyingly louder. This is nothing like what I’m used to in bed with Armstrong. The dirty words aren’t something he ever uses with me, mostly it’s just noises and sometimes a “Right there” or “I’m close,” but that’s about it. He’s never talked to me like he is to the woman currently providing oral pleasure. And I’m very adept at oral. Although with Armstrong it’s very polite, neat oral, with no sounds other than the occasional hum. Slurping is uncivilized and a definite no-no.

I reach past Ruby for the bottle of red since I don’t really give a flying fuck about purple teeth right now. As I sink low in my seat I pour another glass of wine, surveying the people in the ballroom from behind the cover of the centerpiece. The centerpieces are huge and excessive and I don’t like them at all, but at least they provide a protective barrier between me, the guests, and my disgust, which I’m certain they must share. He sounds like a wild animal rutting. It is entirely unsexy. I have no idea who he’s getting intimate with, but I’m suddenly very glad it’s not me.

And doesn’t that tell me more about our relationship than it should.

It’s only been about thirty seconds—the most humiliating thirty seconds of my life—before Armstrong comes. How do I know this? Because he says, very clearly, “Keep sucking, baby, I’m coming.”

And “baby,” whoever she is, makes these horrific gurgling noises. It sounds like some form of alien communication. It’s way over the top, and apparently Armstrong is loving it, based on the string of vile profanity that spews from his asshole mouth.

“Holy crap. Is this for real? That was really fast,” Ruby mutters.

I guzzle my glass of wine. Then decide the glass is unnecessary and take a long swig from the bottle before Ruby snatches it away. Wine dribbles down my chin and onto my chest, staining the white satin purple. My dress is ruined. I should be freaking out. But I really don’t care.

“Come on,” Ruby tugs on my hand. “We need to get you out of here while people are still distracted.”

My older brother, Pierce, and the emcee are standing in the middle of the hall, gesturing wildly to the speakers above us. My other brother, Lawson, is on his way toward the podium in an attempt to do something. I don’t think there’s anything he can do to stop this train wreck from there.

Ruby tugs again, but I’m frozen, still trying to figure out what exactly just happened. Well, I know what’s happened. I just can’t believe it.

The sound of a zipper and the rustle of clothes follows. “Thanks for that, now I’ll be able to last longer tonight,” Armstrong says.

“What about me?” a female asks. Her voice is nasally and whiny.

“What about you?”

“Well, I helped you, aren’t you going to help me?”

“Didn’t you come with a date?”

“Well, yes, but—” God her voice is familiar. I just can’t figure out where I know it from.

“My cousin, right? He loves my sloppy seconds. Speeches are starting. I gotta get back to my ball and chain.”

Gasps of horror ripple through the room, followed by a few giggles. These people really are assholes.

I think I’m going to throw up. I can’t believe he’s going to come out here and pretend nothing just happened. Like some other woman didn’t just have her lips around his cock. His distinctly average cock. Maybe even slightly below average in length, if I’m being one hundred percent honest.

A door opens and closes.

My brother Lawson turns on the mic behind the podium and taps it, sending screeching feedback through the room, making people cringe. Too bad no one did that a minute ago.

Murmuring grows louder and glances flicker to the head table and then away as Brittany Thorton, a seriously skanky debutante, comes strutting through the doors, using a compact to check her lipstick. She’s made it her mission to attempt to get into the pants of half the eligible men in this room. She’s followed, not five seconds later, by a very smug-looking Armstrong.

“I’m going to kill him.” I grab the closest steak knife, but it appears my hasty, and possibly felonious, plan is unnecessary. My brothers leave their respective posts and stalk toward him. Across the room my mother is gripping my father’s arm, whispering furiously in his ear. Great. Just what I need, additional family drama.

“Oh shit,” Ruby gasps.

I follow her gaze to find Bane converging on Armstrong with my brothers. Bancroft is a tank and he used to play professional rugby. I’ve seen him with his shirt off; he’s built like a superhero and he’ll probably crush Armstrong, or at least break something. Possibly multiple somethings.

For a second I consider that Ruby should probably stop Bane from destroying Armstrong’s pretty, regal face, but then I realize I don’t actually care. In fact, the possibility that he might break Armstrong’s perfectly straight nose fills me with glee. Armstrong’s well-being is no longer my concern, it’s more about Bane ending up in prison for murder.

“I hope Armstrong has a good plastic surgeon, he’s going to need it once Bane is done with him.” Ruby echoes my internal hopes and her chair tips as she jumps up. “Come on, let’s get you out of here.” She nods to the right.

I notice my mother and father engaged in a heated discussion with Armstrong’s parents. I really don’t need this right now. Not the drama. Not the humiliation. All I wanted was a nice wedding. Instead I end up with a husband who gets a blow job during our reception—and it’s broadcast to everyone attending.

Ruby urges me into action. “Don’t worry about them. Get your stuff and we’ll get you the hell out of here. I’ll have the limo meet you by the entrance near your bridal suite as soon as I can.”

I nod and stumble unsteadily to my feet, thanks to having consumed the better part of a bottle of wine in the last minute and a half. It’s amazing how ninety seconds can change a person’s entire life.

All hell breaks loose as more men jump in to either pummel or extract Armstrong from the pummeling. I grab my clutch and phone from the table, gather up my stupid, too-puffy gown, and head for the bridal suite, where I had prepared for what was supposed to be the most amazing day of my life. And now it’s likely the wors— at least, I hope the mortification level I’m experiencing can’t exceed this. I feel like the foulest version of Cinderella ever.

I rush down the empty hall and grab the doorknob as I fumble around in my clutch for the key. I’m surprised when it turns. I thought I’d locked it before we left for the ceremony. Regardless, I need to get away from everyone before I either lose it or commit a felony. Maybe both. Murder in the first. Armstrong will be my victim. And maybe that horrible skank, Brittany.

I thrust the door open and slam it closed behind me, locking it from the inside. Tears threaten to spill over and ruin my makeup. Not that it matters since there’s no way I’m going out there again. I can’t believe my forever lasted less than twelve hours. I can’t believe the man I’m supposed to spend the rest of my life loving couldn’t be faithful to me for even one day. What the hell is wrong with me? With him? I’m as devastated as I am angry and embarrassed. Once I annul this farce of a marriage I’ll become a spinster. I should probably go ahead and adopt six or seven cats tonight.

“I need to get out of this dress,” I say to myself. I reach behind me and pull the bow at the base of my spine. Instead of unfurling, it knots and I only succeed in pulling it tighter. Of course my dress has to be difficult. I growl my annoyance and rush over to my dressing table where my makeup and perfume are scattered from earlier today. Half a mimosa sits unconsumed beside the vase of red roses Armstrong had delivered.

The card read: I can’t wait to spend forever loving you.

What a load of bullshit. I drain the contents of the champagne flute, not caring that the drink is warm and flat. Then I throw the glass, because it feels good and the sound of shattering crystal is satisfying. Next I heave the vase of roses, which explodes impressively against the wall, splattering water and shards of glass across the floor.

I yank out a couple of the drawers and find a pair of scissors. They actually look more like gardening shears and seem rather out of place, but I don’t question it. Instead I reach behind me with my back to the mirror and awkwardly try to cut myself free. It’s not easy with the way I have to crane my neck.

“Goddammit! I need to get out of this stupid dress!” I yell at my reflection. I think I might actually be losing it just a touch now. I stop messing around with the laces in the back and shove the scissors down the front. I nearly nick myself with a blade—they’re a lot sharper than I realized—but that doesn’t slow me down. I start hacking my way through the bodice; layers of satin, lace, and intricate beading sliced apart with every vicious snip.

I just want out of this nightmare.

Two: Fuck Yeah, or Maybe Not

Lexington

I take a swig from the half-empty bottle of half-flat champagne and set it on the bathroom vanity. I’m inebriated enough that it takes me two tries to unbuckle my belt. The button and zipper are less complicated. I expect my aim to be poor based on the amount of alcohol I’ve consumed.

I wish I hadn’t come to this wedding. I wish I was on a flight somewhere, or in another country. Anywhere would be better than here. Anything would be preferable to watching my jackass cousin gloat over getting the girl.

And that’s before I take into account how awful my date is. She’s the absolute worst choice in the world, but dear God, my mother seems to think that Brittany Thorton has potential. My mother has been friends with her mother since we were children and she has some romantic inclination about one of her sons ending up with her, I guess.

She tried to set my brother Bancroft up with Brittany last year, unsuccessfully. Since Bancroft is out of the question and my older brother, Griffin, is in a committed relationship, I’m the last resort. I can’t seem to say no to my mother, I never have, so here I am, hiding out in a bathroom drinking flat champagne straight from the bottle so I can get a break from my date and avoid the speeches.

All night Brittany has been telling me about her love of lollipops. We’re not talking about the candy on a stick, either. I’m not interested in finding out about her sucking skills, even if it means I’d get a break from the incessant talking. I drag a hand down my face and sigh. I wonder if I can just leave Brittany here. Slip out the back door, and send an apology text feigning sickness.

I finish my business, tuck myself back into my boxers, zip my pants, but can’t seem to find the energy, or dexterity, to buckle my belt back up. Besides, I don’t plan to return to the reception right away. Speeches are about to begin and I have zero desire to listen to Armstrong spout his bullshit about how Amalie is his future. About how he loves her more than anything in the world. How he’s devoted to her. The only thing Armstrong is devoted to is his reflection. And making my life miserable when he sees an opportunity.

There’s a TV and a couch in here, so I’m going put my feet up, finish this bottle of champagne, and watch some sports. Or news. Depending on which is less depressing. I grab the bottle and take another swig just as a loud crash comes from somewhere beyond the bathroom. This time I miss my mouth and it spills down my chin, onto my shirt, all the way to my crotch. I spit out an expletive and attempt to mop up the mess with a hand towel, but it’s already soaked in. Whatever. I’ll just stay here until it dries.

I open the bathroom door and freeze. Standing in the middle of the room is Amalie. The bride. The princess of this event. And she’s hacking apart her dress with a pair of gardening shears. For a few moments I wonder if I’ve been drugged and I’m hallucinating this, much like I thought she was a mirage the first time I met her, but I don’t feel drugged, just on the right side of extra drunk.

I consider my options, which seem rather limited. I shouldn’t be in here, and yet I am. She shouldn’t be in here, and yet, she is. By the look of things, she’s not planning on going back out there fully clothed. Which begs the question, What the fuck happened?

She’s swearing a blue streak. Dirty, filthy words pouring out of her sweet mouth as she cuts savagely through the bodice. It’s as ridiculously hot as it is disturbing. It takes quite a bit of work to get through all the fabric at the waist and she still hasn’t noticed my presence.

Instead of doing the considerate thing, which would be to go back in the bathroom, or find an alternate exit, or make her aware of my presence, I continue to stare. Amalie, who is generally very poised and elegant, gentle and polite, is gloriously angry.

“Fucking whore! Fucking asshole! Motherfucking cocksucking dickless bastard!” She grabs the fabric at her waist and yanks in opposite directions. It’s impressive the way the material pulls apart from her aggression.

She shoves the dress down over her hips, revealing a tanned, toned, stunningly gorgeous body wrapped in a white lace and satin corset with matching panties and garters. All things I have no right to be looking at right now. I take a step back, thinking it might be a good time to leave, and the champagne bottle knocks against the doorjamb.

Her head snaps up, fiery gaze meeting mine from across the room. She points the shears at me. “How’d you get in here?”

I don’t see the point in lying. “I jimmied the lock. It wasn’t very hard.”

She frowns, her confusion understandable. “Why are you in here?”

“I was trying to catch a break from my date.” I also didn’t want to watch my cousin gloat over winning again. He got the girl. He got this girl. He’s such an asswipe. Although maybe this time he saved me from a real nightmare. It would serve him right to end up with a loony toon and, from the look in her eyes, she just might be one.

Amalie steps out of the dress, leaving it in a massacred puddle as she struts across the room, those shears swinging dangerously in her hand, along with her hips. As horror-movie scary as she may be, she’s also inordinately sexy in all the white lace and garters—which I’m struggling not to appreciate in an inappropriate way, because based on the dress hacking, I don’t think now is the right time for ogling.

She stops when she’s only inches away. Tilting her head back so she can look at my face, she pokes me in the chest, with her finger, not the shears, thankfully. “Why is your belt undone? Who else is in here with you?”

I raise my hands in surrender, champagne bottle and all. “No one. I’m alone. I just used the bathroom and that was it.” I don’t want her to think I’m in here having sex. I’m not even sure I have the coordination for that right now. I glance down and blink a couple of times as I get caught in her cleavage. Shaking my head, I try to stay focused on whatever the fuck is going on here. Maybe I hit my head and I’m passed out and none of this is happening.

“You brought Brittany Whore-ton as your date, didn’t you?” It’s more accusation than question.

I’m also not sure if I heard that incorrectly or not. It’s difficult to concentrate on her words being as drunk as I am with her standing half-naked in front of me wielding a pair of garden shears.

I gesture to her weapon. “D’ya think you could put those down?”

She glances at the shears, then raises them so they’re only an inch or two from my neck, which is even more unsettling. “Answer the damn question! Did you bring Brittany Whore-ton to my fucking wedding?”

“You mean Thorton? Not because I wanted to, but yeah. Now can you put the shears down, please? You’re kinda freaking me with this whole cutting-apart-your-dress, waving-around-a-weapon thing.” I’m not sure I can grab them from her without either of us getting hurt.

“I’m freaking you out? I’m freaking you out? Do you even know what happened? Do you have any idea the humiliation I just sustained out there?” And there she goes again, waving around the shears.

I make a grab for them, but she’s a wily one. She spins out of reach and points them at me again. “Don’t you do that!” She swipes her bangs aggressively out of her eyes. The pins in her blond hair are coming loose, tendrils falling around her face, and her cheeks are pink, her eyes on fire. She’s the hottest woman I’ve ever had the pleasure of laying eyes on, both fully clothed and in lingerie. Fuck Armstrong and his slimy asshole ways.

It’s time for the calm voice, the one I usually reserve for my mother when she’s upset with me over a stunt I’ve pulled. I still have to use it on occasion, which I realize is sad, since I’m pushing thirty. “Why don’t you tell me what you’re so upset about, Amalie?”

“What I’m so upset about? Your date just blew my husband!”

“What?” My alcohol-soaked brain is slow to process that information. I know Brittany gets around and Armstrong has questionable morals, but that’s low, even for him. I think.

“Your date just sucked off my husband. And the whole sordid ordeal was broadcast over the goddamn motherfucking sound system. You had to have heard it. Everybody did. The entire room full of guests listened to my dickless fuckbag husband come in a mouth that wasn’t mine.”

Well, that was graphic. I almost feel like I should offer to wash her mouth out with soap after that string of creative, vulgar profanity. But then the reality of her statement hits. “You’re shitting me, right? Is this some kind of fucked-up prank?”

“Do I look like I’m joking?” She gestures behind her at the hacked-up gown, then to herself; mostly undressed, hair a wreck, eyes suddenly glassy with what is most likely the threat of tears. No wonder she’s acting like she’s lost her mind. Armstrong has always had asshole tendencies, but this is just too much.

“That motherfucker. Where is he?”

“Probably getting his ass kicked by Bane and my brothers.”

“I’m gonna make that shithead eat his goddamn dick.”

I move to step around her, but she drops the shears and grabs me by the tie, eyes lighting up while an evil grin spreads across those perfect lips. “You’re not going anywhere.”

Taken off-guard, I don’t expect it when she pulls some jujitsu ninja move, kicking my feet out from under me. I smack my head on the floor as I land on my back and lose my hold on the champagne bottle. The pain in my head is as disorienting as the ninja moves, so the next thing I know Amalie’s straddling my hips.

It’s impossible for my body not to react in ways it really shouldn’t. Amalie’s feminine curves are drool-worthy, and right now that perfect ass of hers is positioned right on top of my cock—my suddenly very achy, aware cock. She shifts back, breaking the cock-ass connection, which is probably a good thing, considering what she’s just told me. I can’t believe the one woman I’ve wanted for the past year but couldn’t have is half-naked on top of me. She’s also just married my cheating dickhead of a cousin. It’s like fate can’t get enough of kicking me in the balls.

When her hands go to the zipper on my pants I’m forced into action. Instinctually, I want to do the exact opposite of what I should. I mean goddamn, she’s trying to get her hand in my pants and I’m compelled to stop her. It’s a damn tragedy happening here.

She slaps my hand away and grabs my tie again. Fisting it close to my throat she leans in, eyes wild, angry and desperate. A sneer pulls up the corner of her pretty mouth. “You’re going to let me fuck you and you’re going to like it.”

I’m so goddamn hard right now and those words only serve to make it worse, or better, depending on how one looks at it. And yes, I fully agree with that statement: If she fucked me right now I am positive I would like it, a lot. Maybe more than any other sex I’ve had with any other woman because she is the ultimate in forbidden temptations. But it’s a really bad idea. And I’m pretty sure she’ll regret it two minutes after it’s over. Or maybe even while it’s happening.

Despite knowing this, despite being aware that I must stop her, I hesitate. It makes me a very bad person for those suspended seconds.

In that brief time I consider a number of things, such as how this is a messed-up situation. One where I recognize that having sex with my cousin’s brand-new, jilted wife is a colossally bad plan. Because it is. Even if he doesn’t deserve her and never did.

But, for a protracted moment I consider how this would be the most epic fuck-you to Armstrong, ever. And if anyone deserves it, he does. I shake that asshole thought, because as fun as it would be, I’m not like him. I’d never use someone, especially a woman already on the receiving end of his bullshit, as part of a game.

As this blows through my brain, Amalie grasps my chin, fingernails biting into the skin, and her mouth descends on mine. Her lips are soft, warm, but her mouth is hard, aggressive. Jesus. It appears she’s actually serious about fucking me. She does this thing with her tongue that makes my cock kick . . . and then her free hand edges between our bodies again, gliding down until she’s palming my desperately excited erection through my pants.

That’s when I take action to stop this madness. Clamping an arm around her waist I flip her onto her back. The floor is hardwood and slippery, making it difficult to find any traction.

I fight to get her hand away from my cock, which works, but then she hooks her legs around my waist.

“Amalie, stop!” I groan around her tongue. It’s not the most convincing of attempts. It’s actually pretty poor. She’s like a koala, with the way she’s wrapped around me. Flipping her over may have made it worse.

“You don’t want me to stop. I can feel how much you want to fuck me.” She rolls her hips, as if to prove her point.

She’s right. But if I do this I’m just as bad as Armstrong. I might want her, but I don’t want to hurt her in a bid for the revenge he seems to seek on me endlessly.

I push up with the intention of righting myself, turning my head when she goes for my mouth again. She latches onto my neck instead, bites me, and sucks. That’s definitely going to leave a mark. Probably a big one.

She scrambles to maintain her hold, legs tightening on my waist. She could crack nuts with her inner thighs. “Goddammit! You have to! You want to! Why won’t you just take me?” Her rage melts in to a broken sob. “Please, Lexington. I hate him. I don’t understand. Make it stop.”

And that’s the moment the door slams open.

Three: OMG

Amie

“Holy mother of what the fuckicles! Bane, do not let anyone in here,” Ruby pushes him back through the door, then slams it shut, throwing the lock. Her eyes are saucers. It’s understandable.

I’m still wrapped around Lexington. Still trying to get him to have sex with me, and he’s desperately trying not to. And now I’m crying. Sobbing actually. I’m positive I’m having some kind of mental breakdown. On my best friend’s boyfriend’s brother of all people. And I thought Armstrong getting a blow job from not-me was as bad as it could get. Obviously I was wrong.

Ruby stalks across the room, hissing in an angry whisper. “What in the ever-loving hell are you doing, Lex!” She punches him in the back and shoulder, aiming for places where my body parts are not latched onto him.

“It’s not how it looks.” He scrambles to get up, but I’m still clinging like plastic wrap. I can feel his hard-on—thick and ready against me. It’s clear he likes what he sees, if he’d just given me what I wanted then maybe I wouldn’t feel so empty of everything.

Even as I think it I know it doesn’t make any sense. That my actions come from a place of devastation and desperation. I’m so angry and hurt. I feel broken and lost, stupid and embarrassed. There isn’t any one emotion I can hold on to that fits right now.

“Amie, you need to let go of Lex,” Ruby says softly. As if she’s talking to someone teetering on the edge of reason. Which is about right.

I shake my head even though I know I should do what she says. I’m just humiliating myself even more right now, but letting go means seeing his reaction to my loss of sanity and I’m not ready for that yet. Lexington shifts until he’s on his knees. He’s stopped trying to pry me off. In all honesty, he might need a crowbar. If I hold on to him long enough maybe he’ll just absorb me and I’ll disappear. Yet another strange and implausible thought, proving all rationality has completely evaporated. They’re whispering back and forth, the words not really registering through the haze of pain and anger that’s consuming me.

“Oh my God. Amie, honey, what happened to your dress?” Ruby asks.

“She cut herself out of it.” One hand leaves my body for a second, so I assume he’s gesturing to the pile of satin, lace, and beads I left behind in my transformation from bride to mostly naked crazy person.

There’s a deep inhale followed by a beat of silence, during which Lex’s palm moves up and down my back. It feels nice. Calming. I want it to go on forever and ever. I want him to reach inside my heart and have the same effect on the ache in there.

“Right. Wow. I’m not sure how I missed that. Okay. I guess a robe will have to do for now. She can change on the way home.”

Soft fabric is draped over my shoulders and I shudder at the sensation.

“Shhhh, it’s okay. It’ll be okay,” Lex murmurs as he pushes to his feet.

When I bury my face in his neck he cups my cheek, brushing away the tears with his thumb, which makes me cry even harder. Why does he have to be so tender? And sweet. I don’t want tender and sweet. I want revenge. I want what Armstrong did to me to be erased. I want Lex to forget everything I’ve just said and done and pretend it never happened and I want to be able do the same.

It’s loud on the other side of the door, banging and yelling muffled by the thin wooden barrier. I can hear Armstrong calling my name and what sounds like my father shouting. I just want all of it to stop. I don’t know how to manage any of this.

“We have to get her out of here. Armstrong is going batshit and so is everyone else. I think Bane wants to beat the crap out of him, if he hasn’t already, and Armstrong’s mother is having a complete breakdown. Amie can’t and shouldn’t have to deal with this right now.” Ruby’s hand is on my shoulder, gentle, as if I might shatter. I feel like I could.

“How’re we going to make that happen when they’re all outside the door?” Lex shifts his hold and grips my thigh. Not that it’s necessary, my legs are like a vice around him, thanks to my endless hours of Pilates in preparation for this farce of a wedding.

I try to tell them that I’m right here and they can talk directly to me, but all that comes out is a craggy sob. I get some more shushing from Lex and a few strokes over my hair.

“There’s a car waiting at the back entrance.”

“We’re getting you out of here,” Lex whispers in my hair.

I’m shocked by frigid air as Lex steps out into the winter night. Loud pounding along with Armstrong begging me to let him in is cut off by the slam of the door Lex just carried me through.

Moments later my butt hits cool leather and Lex’s voice is in my ear, deep, mollifying. “Come on, sweetheart, you gotta let go now.”

He’s right, but I’m so embarrassed. Not only has my husband humiliated me in front of everyone we know, and about three hundred people I don’t, I’ve thrown myself at Lex and he turned me down, and now I’ve cried all over him. This is the worst night of my entire life. Even the interrogation room in Mexico has nothing on this.

He strokes my hair again, then gently unhooks my legs from his waist. “It’s okay, baby, I get it. I know I’m irresistible.” My laugh comes out a sob. His lips touch my cheek. “No was the very last thing I wanted to say to you.”

I shiver at the admission, and wonder how much of it is meant to mend my battered ego and broken heart. I have no idea how I’m going to recover from this.

It takes effort to pry my own fingers from his neck. I can’t look at him, my mortification over my own actions finally sinking in. What the hell is wrong with me?

“Hey.” Lexington’s fingers rest under my chin. He tips my head up until I have no choice but to look at him. “I mean it. I’m going to regret this forever.”

Commotion behind him has him straightening quickly. I get a glimpse of him fastening his belt as he closes the car door and then he’s moving toward the hotel as the door bursts open. Armstrong storms out, yelling my name. I don’t know what he could possibly want to say to me. He’s done all the damage he can. His plea for me to come back is cut off when Lex’s fist connects with his face.

I watch what was supposed to be my future fall to his knees, hands cupping his face, and I wonder if his physical pain can in any way match my emotional agony. I don’t think it’s possible.

Four: Fuck You, Motherfucker

Lexington

The first hit sends a shock of pain through my fist and up my arm. It’s been a long time since I’ve been in a fight. It feels unbelievably good to make Armstrong suffer in some way, even if it’s only temporary. When he drops to his knees, cupping his face, I make a grab for his lapels to haul him back up.

“You stupid fuck.” Before I can plant another fist in his face, one that will inevitably result in the necessity for some serious plastic surgery, I’m yanked back.

“Get a handle on yourself,” my brother Bane barks.

Armstrong is carried back into the hotel through the door he just came out of by a couple of his douche friends, screaming his stupid head off while I fight my brother’s hold. It’s pointless. He might be two years younger than I am, but he played professional rugby for seven years and he’s massive. Once the witnesses are gone he spins me around and shoves me, setting me off balance. I land on my ass on the asphalt and then he’s on top of me, his knee pressing into my chest.

“What the—”

He shifts his weight, his knee perilously close to my throat, significantly decreasing my air supply. “You wanna tell me what the hell you were doing?”

“What? I—” I have no clue what he saw, but I’m assuming it doesn’t look good from his point of view.

“Don’t bullshit me. I saw you, Lex. I fucking saw you. You were on her.”

“Get off and let me explain.” I punch him in the side of the leg. I could go for his knee, the one he’s had surgery on, but I don’t want to actually hurt him. I just want his weight off my chest.

He pushes to his feet, then holds out a hand as if he’s going to help me up. I slap it away and roll to the side. It takes me a few seconds to get my bearings. I’m still pretty drunk and now I’m winded.

Gripping the back of his neck, he paces the lot. “You better not’ve had a hand in what when down tonight.”

I glare at him. “Seriously?”

“Do you have any idea how bad this looks, Lex? Your date blows the groom. You end up in the bridal suite, on top of the mostly naked, crying bride. Look at you.” He gestures to my attire.

My belt is still half-undone, my shirt untucked, my tie hanging askew. I can see his point. “I wouldn’t try to sabotage a goddamn wedding to get back at Armstrong for being a cocksucker, Bane.”

“You sure about that? You and Armstrong have a long history of fucking with each other.”

“I would never do something like that.”

He crosses his arms over his chest. “Really? ’Cause as long as I’ve known you, it’s been exactly like that.”

He has a point. Armstrong and I have spent a lot of time screwing each other over since we were teens. When we were kids he was my best friend. He was like another brother—my mother called us Mischief and Malice. I was Mischief, and I didn’t really understand the negative connotations of Malice until I was older. Where I was the kid who lit the firecrackers in a backyard that wasn’t mine, Armstrong was the one who would aim them toward the house instead of away from it. When we got into trouble my mom would gently remind me that I knew better. So my role had been to channel that side into harmless competitions, practical jokes that didn’t damage property or other people.

I seemed to be able to manage him until we got older and that malicious side of Armstrong began to appear more often. Practical jokes gone wrong turned into the occasional fistfight. But then, that’s just how we dealt with things. He’d push buttons and I’d push back.

We were fourteen when things changed. Suddenly my best friend became my worst enemy. The harmless competition became vicious. After that I saw a side of Armstrong that I hadn’t realized existed, and for a while I was convinced I was the one who brought that horrible part of him to the surface.

Our competitive ball-busting turned into an epic, almost lethal clusterfuck after a dare went too far.

I came away with scars and he came out with a bruised ego. Blame was thrown around by my aunt, and after that the healthy competitive edge we had had turned into malicious backbiting.

For a while I tried to smooth things over. But it was clear that it wasn’t going to work. It became his mission to screw with me. If I was involved in a sport or a club or anything, so was he. Whatever I was good at, he wanted to be better and if he couldn’t be, he’d find a way to sabotage me. The competition between us seeped into every single part of our lives, from sports to school to girls.

Sometimes I just took it, but when he’d take it too far I’d retaliate in kind. He’d come back at me and do something worse. I could deal with it when it didn’t involve other people, but Armstrong’s vindictiveness wasn’t containable, and he’d hurt people in his mission to sabotage me. I’d feel guilt over whoever was caught up in the crossfire, because I made him into this. I pushed a button back when we were kids and fucked him up. So I’d given up years ago on making amends.

Except last year it wasn’t just Armstrong being a dick. It was more than that. I saw Amalie first at that party. He couldn’t have cared less who she was until he overheard me asking about her. I tried to remedy it by introducing myself and offering to get her a drink when I noticed hers was empty. Before I could make a move, in he swooped with his bullshit lines and his pearly white smile. I figured it wouldn’t last long. His relationships never did.

Neither did mine, usually thanks to him, but that wasn’t the point.

Getting back at him wasn’t worth it, not if it put someone else’s emotions at risk.

I blow out a breath, aware our history and tonight’s setup make this look exactly like I was trying to mess with him. “Whatever you think happened, it didn’t.”

Bane remains skeptical. “Enlighten me, then.”

“I told Brittany I was going to the bathroom. You know what she’s like, that chick just talks nonstop about nothing. I couldn’t take it. I sure as hell wasn’t drunk enough to manage listening to her for the rest of the night, so I took a breather.”

“In the bridal suite?”

“Yeah, man. Best hiding spot in the damn place. The bride shouldn’t have been in there at all. I was just going to use the bathroom and take a twenty-minute timeout before I headed back. That way I could miss most of the speeches, but when I came out of the bathroom there was Amalie, hacking her dress apart, freaking the fuck out.”

“That still doesn’t explain how you ended up on top of her on the floor.”

“Like I said. She was freaking out. She came at me with a pair of gardening shears. I wasn’t sure if she’d lost her mind or what. Then she told me she was going to fuck me, like revenge on Armstrong for my date blowing him or whatever, and she pulled some ninja move and we ended up on the floor. I said no. She’s feisty though. And strong.”

Bane’s glare tells me he’s unimpressed. “That’s your story?”

“It’s not a story, it’s the damn truth. I’m not an idiot, Bane. I wouldn’t screw a jilted bride. I don’t want to hurt anyone, especially not someone who’s already been hurt.” It doesn’t mean I didn’t want to have sex with her. Amalie in that lingerie, all pissed off and desperate? I was serious when I told her I would regret saying no forever.

I try not to let the way she felt under me become more than a whisper of thought. I look at my brother, whose faith in me as a person is sometimes questionable thanks largely to Armstrong and his constant games. “I’m not that much of an asshole. I’m not Armstrong. I wouldn’t manipulate someone that way. He has to be the stupidest man alive to screw around on Amalie. I don’t get it. She’s damn well perfect. He had it all and he just threw it away. She’s devastated. He gutted her. She cut herself out of her goddamn dress with gardening shears, Bane.” I run a hand down my face and meet his shocked gaze. “He ruined her for a fucking blow job. Who even does that?”

“Our cousin, that’s who. I’m sorry I thought you had something to do with it. Logically I know that’s not how you work, just the whole thing is a fucking mess.” Bane rubs the back of his neck and sighs. “I don’t know what he was thinking, but the fallout from this going to be bad, and you’re right in the middle of it.”

* * *

I should’ve expected that this shit storm wasn’t going to end with punching Armstrong in the face. Half an hour later my cousin has been taken to the hospital to set his broken nose and I’m sitting in one of the penthouse suites. Across from me, my very distraught mother is tucked into my very angry father’s side. He keeps asking if she needs anything, tissues, water, wine, a blanket.

Bane has gone in search of Ruby and the runaway bride. My other brother, Griffin, is tending to his distressed fiancée, who can’t believe that something like this could actually happen. This whole debacle has upset the entire status quo in this community. And apparently I’m in the center of it all because it was my date who “ruined” the wedding. Not Armstrong, who put his dick in someone else’s mouth, but the girl who opened her mouth and me, because I brought her along.

Of course my mother feels directly responsible, because she’s the one who pushed me to take Brittany. It doesn’t matter how many times my father and I assure her she couldn’t have known, and that Armstrong is responsible for his own actions, she’s still going to feel culpable. Just like she did when things with Armstrong became so unstable when we were teenagers.

My mother is a good woman with a great heart, and right now hers is broken because of what’s happened, and her perceived involvement in the demise of this marriage. Never mind that even if Armstrong hadn’t messed up tonight, there’s a good chance he would’ve done it eventually.

I worry about the impact this is going to have on my mother and her health. The stress isn’t good for her. She battled cancer and won a couple of years ago. During that time, she was the most gracious, selfless sick person I’ve ever encountered. The kind of woman who refused to allow her illness to interfere with her charity work or her family dinners.

When she had her cancer scare I was the one she told first, even before my father. It took her months to tell him. At the time, Bancroft was traveling with his team and Griffin was my dad’s right hand, so I took on the role of caretaker and confidant—it’s pulled us closer, although we were already close to begin with.

For that reason, I was the one who witnessed how difficult it was for her. I kept the secret until it was too much for just the two of us, respecting her desire to protect everyone from her pain.

I made it my responsibility to ensure every event she was in charge of still happened, and that she took the time she required to heal. It meant I slacked a lot more with my job working with my father at the Mills hotel empire. It caused some friction, and reinforced the assumption that I wasn’t taking my job seriously, but I took the heat because mothers aren’t replaceable and mine devoted her entire existence to making sure she raised three respectful boys. I’d rather have people think I’m a screwup than take away my mother’s pride and purpose.

The gossip over this is going to be disgusting and Gwendolyn, my mother’s sister and Armstrong’s mother, is bound to cause trouble. Making up excuses for how this couldn’t possibly be her precious son’s fault.

My father is currently ranting about how this generation places no value on the sanctity of marriage. I have to agree as far as Armstrong’s values are concerned. I’m glad I wasn’t raised in a home where marriage is just a word. My parents are devoted to each other and it shows.

“I think it would be best if we got you out of town until the worst of this blows over.”

“Harrison!” my mother chastises.

“I’m sorry, Meredith.” He covers her hand with his and gives it a squeeze. “Poor choice of words. It’s actually a good opportunity. There are some properties that need attention on the Polynesian Islands that you could visit. You’ll need to book a flight as soon as you can and we can get all the files ready before you go. I think it might be best for you to work from home until then, though, just to avoid all the gossip because we know how much your aunt and your cousin like to talk.”

He has a valid point. If my being out of the country will help slow the gossip roll, or take my family out of the line of fire, I’m willing to do what my father asks. I worry how this is going to go down for Amalie, but there’s nothing I can do about that. “Okay. If you think it’s going to make things easier.”

My father taps on the arm of his chair; he’s moved from angry lecture to full-on business mode. Despite my still being under the influence of a substantial amount of alcohol, so am I.

I make notes on my phone while he talks. I pull up the most frequented review sites and check out some of the resorts in the Polynesian Islands. “It looks like I should focus my attention on Bora Bora based on what I’m seeing here.”

“Good. Book yourself a flight, but give yourself enough time to prepare.”

“Should I book a return ticket or leave it open-ended?”

“Open-ended is probably better in case there are other properties that also need attention.”

“That works.” It’s hard to believe that not long ago Amalie was wearing lingerie, begging me to fuck her and now I’m being sent out of the country to avoid the backlash of this bullshit.

“I’ll have your assistant forward along any pertinent information we don’t manage to secure before you leave.”

“I could stop at the office on the way home and grab what I can?” I offer.

“That’s a good idea.” He taps the arm of the chair. “I know this isn’t ideal, Lexington, but these could and should be some of our most exclusive and best performing hotels, so I’m trusting you to stay focused while you’re there and try not to worry about what’s going on here.”

“I fully understand and I’ll do my best.”

“I expect you will. I know you’re capable of great work when your head is in it.”

“Thanks, Dad.” I’ve been working my ass off for the last six months, trying to redeem myself for my fuck-up in London last spring. And I did fuck up. That trip came on the heels of Armstrong and Amalie’s engagement party. I thought I could deal with the whole wedding thing, but it was Armstrong’s need to rub it in my face that pushed me over the edge at the engagement party. All the little digs, the snide comments he dropped, the ostentatious engagement ring, and the constant bragging about taming a wild one were more than I could handle. I spent a good part of the trip alone and shitfaced, micromanaging Bane and generally driving him insane.

I admitted to having dropped the ball, and I had wanted to be the one to rectify the error, but my father had taken me off the project and put my brother on it. Since then I’ve been trying to earn back the trust I lost. Having my younger brother come in and take over was another punch in the balls. It’s not his fault he’s inherently good at everything he does, but sometimes his golden-boy status pisses me off, especially on top of my already shitty shit sundae.

My father takes his glasses off and folds the arms while my mother yawns. “I think we’re all tired here, so it might be best to call it a night and we can discuss any questions in the morning.”

“Sounds good.” I push up out of the chair and my mother rises. She’s still in her heels, but even with them on she barely reaches my chin. Her smile is pained as she steps up and straightens my tie, as is her habit. She purses her lips and adjusts my collar, then rubs at a spot on my neck.

Fuck. I know exactly what that is.

“Is that a—”

I put a hand over hers, hoping my expression conveys the silent message not to finish the question.

Pursing her lips, she moves her palm to my cheek. “That girl has no self-respect at all. I’m so sorry, Lexington. I promise not to play matchmaker with you anymore, obviously my choices lack class.”

I clasp her hand in mine. She’s shaky. “It’s not your fault, Mom. Please don’t blame yourself.” I’m certainly not going to tell her the hickey isn’t from Brittany. Since Brittany is already a villain, it doesn’t hurt to throw some extra fuel on the villainous fire.

She gives me a sad smile. “Thank you.”

I don’t think she’s referring solely to my comment, but also possibly my lack of fight over being sent out of the country for something that essentially isn’t my fault. “Just for you, though.” I hug her, hoping this whole thing doesn’t cause another rift between my mother and my aunt. Just as Armstrong is an ass, Gwendolyn can be a bitch.

I wait until the elevator is heading to the hotel lobby before I pull up flight info for Bora Bora. The elevator doors slide open and I step into the lobby, thankful it’s virtually empty. I should’ve asked my driver to meet me at a side entrance. I walk briskly, keeping my gaze locked on my phone to appear engaged and to avoid making eye contact with anyone who might still be here.

“Lexy!” The shrill, unwelcome voice almost trips me up.

I accelerate and pretend I don’t hear her, but the clip of approaching heels warns me escape is not possible. She reaches me just as I push through the doors and step into the blustery New York night.

“Hey!” Brittany grabs my arm.

“Don’t.” I yank free of her grasp and she stumbles back a step, wide eyes sad and glassy.

She clasps her hands in front of her chest and drops her head. “I’m sorry.”

I ignore the apology. “What’re you still doing here?”

She lifts a shoulder. It’s cold and she’s not dressed appropriately for the weather. The shawl covering her arms does nothing to stop the wind blowing up her too-short skirt. “My parents left without me. I thought maybe I should wait for you . . . but that was probably a bad idea, huh?”

I take a deep breath. A headache knocks against my temples. “Yes, it was a bad idea, Brittany. Do you have any idea how much trouble you’ve caused tonight?”

She fidgets a little with her purse and her hair, then sighs before she says something that makes me hate Armstrong even more. “Armstrong said he could help me get a modeling contract through Moorehead Media.” She rushes on. “No one was ever supposed to find out, and no one is ever really faithful anymore, and it’s not like you were all that interested tonight what with how mopey you were. And then you just up and disappeared after dinner, so I took the opportunity. I didn’t mean to ruin the wedding.”

I can’t believe what I’m hearing. Armstrong and Brittany definitely deserve each other. I really don’t have the energy to manage this situation right now. My anger is too big, and if Brittany keeps talking I’m going to say something regrettable. “You should go home.”

I take her by the elbow and lead her to a waiting cab. I open the door and motion for her to get in. She slides over as if I’m joining her. “You have a credit card to pay for this?” I ask.

“So you’re not coming with me?”

“No, Brittany.”

“Why not?”

I rub the space between my eyes. “Do you honestly need to ask?”

She adjusts her skirt so she’s not at risk of flashing me or the cab driver. “But Armstrong said you wouldn’t care.”

I bark out a laugh. “You blew the groom at a wedding that wasn’t yours. Even if I didn’t care, what you’ve done is morally reprehensible.”

Her brow furrows. I assume it’s because I’ve used a word that has far too many syllables. She cocks her head to the side, her gaze focused on my neck. “Is that a hickey?”

“Good night, Brittany.” I slam the door and knock on the roof, then drop into the backseat of my own waiting car. This has been a miserable night, and I feel like the coming days are going to be more of the same until I’m out of the country and away from Armstrong’s drama. I wonder if it’s going to be as easy for Amalie.

Five: Anti-Honeymoon

Amie

I think I’ve cried more in the past three hours than I have in my entire life. What’s most telling is that my tears are primarily over how I’m going to manage this humiliation, not that Armstrong cheated on me. I think it might be shock. I’m sitting in Ruby and Bane’s living room nursing a glass of Perrier.

My luggage had been in the bridal suite, still waiting to be brought to our honeymoon penthouse for the night, but we’d run out of time and I’d forgotten to ask someone to take it up. Turns out that was for the best. Bane grabbed the luggage when he left the hotel and brought it back here.

Ruby felt her and Bane’s place would be a safer bet than mine, since there’s security and a doorman to prevent Armstrong from gaining access. And then there’s Bane, of course, who seems to be more than happy to act as my bodyguard.

Armstrong has been texting me incessantly. The messages have grown increasingly desperate over the past couple of hours.

The latest ones read:

Please respond, Amalie, we need to discuss how to manage this misunderstanding.

I’m certain we can find a reasonable way to handle this if you’ll just answer me.

We need to present a united front to alleviate the negative media attention.

I’m at your apartment but since you never gave me a key I can’t get in.

He’s never had a key because he never wanted to come to my apartment on account of the lack of amenities. I don’t respond, but a few minutes later I receive another series of messages:

I can see that you’re reading my messages. Are you home? Can you hear me knocking?

Where are you? Why aren’t you home yet?

We need to talk.

This wasn’t intentional.

The police are here. Did you call them? For God’s sake, Amalie, answer me!

I toss my phone on the couch and sigh. In the few hours I’ve been at Ruby’s I’ve only spoken to my mother, and very briefly. I was surprised, and relieved, when she didn’t mention forgiving Armstrong for his transgression even once during our conversation. She only wanted to know if I was safe, and to make sure I wasn’t with that “perverted liar of a husband.”

She also wanted to come to me, but I told her I’d be okay, and that I’d call her in the morning. When I asked where Dad was she mumbled something about the hotel bar. I sincerely hope this doesn’t result in another one of my father’s extended business trips or a monthlong excursion to a relaxation spa for my mother.

They’ve been off and on for as long as I can remember, but this wedding has been something that united them. They’d been so supportive of what they believed was a good choice for my future.

Any kind of stress is bad for my mother’s health and I worry that this could have some kind of ripple effect. Not that there’s anything I can reasonably do to prevent it now. It’s my own mess of a life I’m going to have to focus on.

I rest my forehead on my knee. “I can’t believe I threw myself at Lexington.”

“I’m sure you’re not the first and you won’t be the last.”

“That makes me feel so much better.” I huff a laugh, then shiver at the memory of the way I’d taken him to the ground and straddled him. At the way he’d flipped me over and tried to stop me. I’d felt him, against my palm and between my legs. He’d been hard. And big. Big and hard. He’s a big man all over. I never really considered how big until he was on top of me.

His words ping-pong around in my head. No was the very last thing I wanted to say to you. I can’t imagine he meant it. I seriously must’ve had a complete mental break to act the way I did.

“You were pretty upset.”

“I cut a fifteen-thousand-dollar dress in half.” In all fairness, I’d wanted something vintage and off the rack, but Armstrong and Gwendolyn were totally against it, so I’d ended up with an overly poofy, excessively expensive dress.

Ruby pets my hair. “It was a very Anarchy Amie thing to do, and understandable, considering.”

I lost that nickname, for the most part, when I started dating Armstrong. It came on the heels of my sometimes unruly behavior as a teen. I had a tendency to get into trouble. Often it was directly related to the boys I liked to date. Once my parents went away for a weekend and the guy I was seeing at the time thought we should throw a house party. It wasn’t the first and it wouldn’t be the last either. It seemed like a good idea—until it went viral and my entire school population showed up—along with some college boy who’d been chatting me up on social media. That was a messy night.

The nickname was well earned over the years considering all the stunts I’d pulled. I discovered that when I caused trouble during one of their business trips/spa escapes, my parents would be forced to cut the trip short so they could deal with me. It was definitely a classic case of me seeking my parents’ attention. It resulted in a couple of near expulsions from school, a slew of boyfriends who I assume all ended up in prison, and several parties where the police were called.

But I’m an adult now, and I don’t want my own police record—which almost happened with my most recent ex. I never wanted to see or experience that kind of disappointment from my family again, so I tried to be a better, less rebellious version of myself.

After the almost-arrest in the Mexico airport, I felt like if I picked someone good, someone they’d approve of, I could undo some of the damage that last relationship had caused and make them proud again. They’d been so excited for the wedding, and it made me feel like I was doing the right thing. I don’t want this failure to affect them negatively, but if I’m honest, it felt good to cut that stupid fucking dress in half. Freeing, really. I hated it. The frills, the lace-up back, the poof—none of it was for me. All of it was for someone else.

I peek up at Ruby. My head is all over the place. I don’t know how to deal with all of these conflicting emotions, the ones I’ve been fighting this entire time. The ones I’m going to have to face now that my future has been blown apart by public fellatio.

“I’m going to have to annul this marriage.”

Ruby rubs my back soothingly. “Can Pierce help with the annulment? Can you call him in the morning and get the paperwork started?”

“I’m pretty sure. He’s not a divorce attorney, but someone at his firm can probably help. Oh my God, what am I going to do about my job?” Maybe I need something stronger than Perrier.

There’s no way I can go back to Moorehead Media after this. I’ve sustained enough humiliation where Armstrong is concerned.

“Let’s just deal with one thing at a time. That’s not something you need to think about right now. You have weeks to figure that out.”

She’s right, but thinking about my job is easier than thinking about how all of my choices over the past year lead to the horror of this night. “I can’t believe this happened. Or maybe I can. I don’t know.”

“What do you mean?”

“Just before Armstrong asked me to marry him, I told my mom I wasn’t sure about my feelings for him.”

The briefest flash of hurt passes across Ruby’s face. Of all the people I should’ve had that conversation with, it’s her. But then maybe her honesty was what I’d been afraid of. “What did she say?”

“No relationship is perfect. She said it was probably because he was so different from what I was used to, and that we’d have a stable life, and wasn’t that what I wanted? I thought it was. I thought I could make it work and it didn’t even last a night.” Tears well and spill over, coasting down my cheeks. My eyes are swollen and red. Cucumber slices and tea bag compresses will not make this go away—not outside or inside.

Ruby wraps her arms around me, which makes the tears fall even faster. “He’s an idiot and your mom probably isn’t the best judge of stable relationships.”

“I know. I just thought it would be better. I really thought it was going to be good for me to have this one person who I could manage all the hard stuff with, but this is just . . . way worse than any of the other guys I dated. At least I had no expectations then. Maybe I’m destined to wind up with an asshole for life. Maybe my good-man radar is broken.”

“I don’t think it’s broken, Amie, I just think you’ve spent so much time dating guys you have no intention of getting serious with that you don’t even know what to look for, or what you want. Look at it this way, at least this happened before you merged your lives. An annulment is much easier than a divorce a year down the road.”

She’s right. As supportive as she’s been, Ruby has always been wary of Armstrong. It’s clear now that she was right; my cold feet and concerns were warranted. I shouldn’t have brushed it off the way I did. “I don’t even get to have my honeymoon.” I picked the most amazing location. It was the only part of this entire wedding that was my choice. Armstrong wasn’t completely sold, but then I gave him an outstanding blow job and he relented. Mostly—he didn’t like the resort so I compromised on that. Penisface. Seems like oral must be his Achilles’ heel.

She leans back, pensive. “Who says you can’t have it?”

I snort at the ludicrousness of the idea. “As if I’m going to fly halfway around the world by myself.”

“Why not?” She motions to my luggage. “You’re already packed and you have the time off. Why not go?”

“On my own?” I’ve never traveled anywhere on my own, not like this. Even when I moved to New York, I didn’t come alone—Ruby was with me.

“You took time off work, you don’t have anything keeping you here. It could be good to get some distance from all of this.”

“Won’t I just be avoiding? What about the fallout?”

Ruby gives me a sympathetic smile. “The fallout is Armstrong’s to deal with, so let him. I don’t think it’s avoiding, I think it’s circumventing. It’s better than being bombarded with all the gossip and stupidity. Going away would be good for you because it’ll force him to manage his own shitty behavior.”

I consider this. The aftermath is going to be brutal, I’m sure. The rumors will be vile at best. I don’t want to deal with that on top of everything else. Fuck Armstrong. Fuck everyone. If anyone deserves a honeymoon it’s me, even if it doesn’t include a groom. “So I’ll go on my own.”

She squeezes my shoulder. “If I could take three weeks off, I would go with you.”

“I know.” Ruby’s in theater, and her schedule doesn’t allow her to take these kinds of vacations on a whim. “What if Armstrong tries to come?” It’s definitely something he’s likely to attempt based on the number of calls and messages he’s sent tonight.

Ruby grins. “Don’t you have his passport?”

I perk up. “I do.” Along with all of our travel documents. Everything for the trip was left up to me to manage. “But what if he shows up at the airport?”

“Reschedule your flight. Give yourself a couple of days to get the annulment under way and lay low here, then you can go feeling like things are at least partway resolved.”

“That’s a good idea. I definitely don’t want that hanging over my head while I’m lying on a beach.”

“Agreed. I really think you should do this, Amie. You need this. Time away. Armstrong was such a wet blanket for you.” Her smile grows. “Let Anarchy Amie out of the cage for a few weeks. Get reacquainted with your wild side. Hook up with some random island hottie. Hook up with more than one. Life will still be waiting for you to sort out when you get back.”

She’s absolutely right. Making what I thought was the right decision backfired completely. Whether I deal with the consequences of this failed wedding now or later is irrelevant. There’s no way I’ll be able to gain any kind of perspective if I stay in New York. There are just too many things to worry about.

“I guess it’s decided. I’m going on my honeymoon.”

Alone. But it’s better than being here, with another one of my mistakes hanging over my head.

* * *

The next day I reschedule my flight, cancel Armstrong’s, confirm my reservation for the hotel—which is in my name, but paid in full by Armstrong, which I think is still reasonable since he’s the one who messed this up.

Two days post–wedding humiliation, Pierce comes by Bane’s condo to start the paperwork. He’s come straight from work, fitting me in between meetings, his gray suit jacket still buttoned. His forest green tie almost matches his eyes. His sandy hair is the only thing about him that isn’t perfectly put together. The cowlick at the front has succumbed to the elements, curling over his forehead. Of my two brothers, he’s the most buttoned up.

While he’s not generally a big hugger, I find myself wrapped up in his embrace for several long seconds, enough that I’m at risk of crying again.

I push away, and take a deep breath, hoping to keep my emotions in check while he’s here. The last time he saw me cry was after the Mexico fiasco when Dad needed his legal advice. I’d like to avoid that now. “Thanks for coming, I know you’re busy.”

He regards me with affectionate sympathy. “Never too busy for my little sister. I’m just sorry I wasn’t the one who broke that shit stain’s nose.”

“I think there might be a line for that, and I’ll be at the front of it.”

“I would hold his arms and get you a set of brass knuckles.”

“That would qualify you for the Brother of the Year Award.” I gesture to the dining room table. “Why don’t you have a seat and we can figure out how to get me out of yet another mess.”

I pour him a glass of scotch and myself a glass of red wine, despite it barely being noon.

Pierce pulls a bunch of papers out of his briefcase, and separates them into piles. “We have a couple of options.”

“Whatever is easiest and quickest, I want this over with as soon as possible.”

“Divorce could be quick.”

I flinch—divorce is such an ugly word in our world. “He cheated on me less than twelve hours into our marriage. It hasn’t and won’t ever be consummated.”

He clears his throat and taps his pen on the table. “Right. Okay. So we’ll proceed with the annulment, which is option two. We’ll cite it as fraudulent, since he entered the marriage without the intention of upholding fidelity.”

I snort. “That’s a nice way of putting it. Is there an option three?”

“Hire a hitman and dump the body in the river, but there’s a lot of loose ends there and it’s sort of a legal nightmare.”

I smile at his horrible attempt at legal humor. “Let’s go with option two, shall we?”

It turns out to be fairly straightforward, so I’m able to sign before I leave.

His team just needs to get the documents into Armstrong’s hands so he can sign and then it will be done. I won’t be married anymore. I’m not sure he’s going to make it that easy though, considering the number of calls and texts he’s sent since I left him in the parking lot.

Most of them are requests to speak, a few cite his frustration with being ignored, and a voicemail details his experience waiting to have his nose set by a plastic surgeon. He also expresses his displeasure at finding out his flight was canceled and says that he would like his passport. Not once does he apologize. No I’m sorry. No Please forgive me. Well, fuck that and fuck him.

So it’s with very little in the way of remorse and all the middle fingers in the world pointed in his direction that I head to the airport a few days following the freak show that was my wedding. Bane and Ruby accompany me, but I’m still paranoid that Armstrong is going to magically show up, so I’m sweaty and distracted by the time I’m finished checking all but my carry-on.

They hug me and send me through the security checkpoint. Alone. On my way to my dream honeymoon destination half a world away. Without a husband. No one here knows that my husband got blown at my wedding by someone other than me. As far as they’re concerned I’m just a single woman going on vacation.

I lift my carry-on onto the belt and watch it move down the line. I start daydreaming about relaxing in the VIP lounge, a perk of flying first class, since they serve alcohol no matter what the hour. I plan to order a bottle of champagne and drink the entire thing on Armstrong’s dime as I’m still in possession of one of his credit cards. I don’t think it’ll take much to get a solid buzz going considering my lack of sleep or food over the past few days.

I step into the full-body X-Ray, noting commotion at the carry-on conveyor belt and hope someone hasn’t brought something they shouldn’t. That’ll delay my champagne plans. The rules and regulations are clearly outlined on the website. Armstrong reviewed it at least three times and crosschecked his luggage at least three more. His meticulousness was endearing at first, but now I can admit that after a while it became frustrating and annoying. I don’t need to be reminded a dozen times that I can’t bring scissors on a plane.

I smile at the well-built, attractive security guard when he motions me through. I wouldn’t mind having this one frisk me right about now. I have plans to get frisked repeatedly on this honeymoon of mine, but not because I’ve broken the law. I’m going to let my wild side out just as Ruby suggested.

“Carry-on check!” another guards yells.

Security guy doesn’t return my smile. He seems rather unfriendly. Instead, his somber expression grows even more somber as he looks to the yelling guard.

I step toward the line of people putting on shoes, collecting purses and phones, and do the same, but my carry-on isn’t on the belt. I look around for it, worried someone has taken it by accident. I’m relieved when I spot it over on a separate bay where a serious-faced guard stands with his fists on his hips, engaged in a conversation with the unfriendly one who didn’t return my smile.

I make sure I have the rest of my things, including my passport, and wave at them. “Hi, hello!” I tuck my hair behind my ear and smile again, hoping Serious Face is friendlier, and that I come across as sweet and unassuming. “Um, can I just—” I reach for my carry-on but they both put up a hand to stop me.

“Is this your bag, ma’am?” Unfriendly asks. They’re both attractive in an authoritative, uniform-wearing kind of way. Or maybe it’s the only reason they’re attractive. That and the fact that Unfriendly has a sleeve, which immediately puts him in my Anarchy Amie Bad Boy Fuckable category.

I really need to get laid on this trip. A lot. A year of polite sex is more than anyone should have to tolerate.

“Ma’am?”

“I’m sorry. Pardon?” Have I really just been ogling two security guards? The answer to that is yes. For a second I feel shame and then I remember that my marriage is a sham and I can ogle whoever I damn well want. I could even offer oral services if I felt like it, not that I would, just that I’m free to do as I please.

It’s at this moment that I notice a humming sound. I rub behind my ear, thinking maybe it’s ringing thanks to extreme exhaustion. Or maybe it’s my phone. Except the hum isn’t coming from my purse, it’s coming from behind the guards.

“Are you carrying any weapons?” Unfriendly asks. He doesn’t have a nametag, so that one is sticking.

“Excuse me?” What the hell is he talking about?

“Do you have arms to declare?”

What an odd question. I can’t imagine I look like someone who would carry a weapon. “Arms? Apart from the ones attached to my body, no.” Neither of them smiles at my joke.

“Carrying an undisclosed weapon is a serious offense, punishable by law, ma’am.”

“I understand that, and agree wholly with that law, however I’m not carrying any weapons. All I have in my purse are tweezers. I thought those were okay.” Oh my God. Why are my palms damp?

They look at each other, and then me. “Ma’am, I’m going to ask you one more time if there’s anything in your carry-on that could be considered a weapon.”

I mentally review the items in the bag: I have a change of clothes, my makeup, jewelry, extra panties, and . . . “Oh God.” I slap my hand over my mouth as I note the winky emoticon sticker on my carry-on bag. I have two carry - on - sized bags packed for this trip, which are coincidentally the same color. The one with all my special items is marked with the winky face. The emergency, if - my - bag - gets - lost carry-on doesn’t have a sticker at all. The wrong suitcase is on its way to the baggage hold.

Serious Face’s hand goes to his holster. Sweet lord, he thinks I’m a criminal. “We’re going to have to check your bag, ma’am.”

“No!”

I take one step toward him and he puts his massive palm out. “Do not take another step, ma’am, or I’ll be forced to restrain you.”

People are watching. I’m causing a scene. Well, I’m not, but my suitcase is. And this unfriendly, dickwad security guard. I lower my voice. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. You don’t need to check my bag.”

“I’m afraid we do, ma’am.”

“You don’t understand. I checked the wrong bag. That one has all my . . . special items in it.” My plea has absolutely no impact. The one opening my bag pauses to glance at me. Unfriendly’s eyes widen just a bit. It’s the most expression he’s had since this whole debacle started.

Serious Face carefully flips my bag open. The buzzing grows louder. Oh shit. I threw my favorite vibrator in there as an afterthought, and I forgot to take the batteries out. This is the second time this has happened with this stupid vibrator. I should’ve learned this lesson by now.

Unfriendly glances in the bag. Serious Face adjusts his ball cap and his gaze flips up to me. The hint of a smirk tugs at the right side of his mouth. I’m not sure if it’s actually possible to die from embarrassment, but I would really like to right now. Or I’d like to be Hermione Granger and perform a memory erasing charm on everyone currently witnessing this.

Serious Face must take pity on me, because the vibrating ceases. Thank God. Except he can’t leave it there. He twists the end and the vibrations start up again. “This has some power,” he says to Unfriendly.

Awesome, they’re making fun of me. Well fuck them. I can make them just as uncomfortable as they’re making me. Probably even more. I let Anarchy Amie take the wheel. “It’s actually amazing for prostate stimulation.” I give them a conspiratorial wink.

Serious Face fumbles the vibrator and drops it back in the case, where it continues to bump around ominously.

I drag my finger down the side of my neck and bat my lashes. “The bulbous, curved head is specially designed for that exact purpose. The sensation it produces is quite intense. Of course I would never suggest using a toy like that without the appropriate preparation.”

They look anywhere but each other.

Serious Face nervously reaches back in to my bag and quickly shuts off the vibrator, then unscrews the end and dumps the batteries out. He places the unit on the steel table, possibly in retaliation to the prostate stimulation revelation. Jerk.

He takes a little stick—as if the contents of my bag are lethal—and pokes around in it some more. A few lingerie pieces make an appearance, along with a studded thong that he holds up for far too long.

I think I’m finally safe, but then he unzips the other side, which contains all of my fun plastic, glass, silicone, and stainless-steel friends. All of them. Because my plan for this week was to introduce Armstrong to the amazing world of sex toys and show him just how much fun they can be. Could’ve been. Also, I actually wanted to be able to orgasm without a whole hell of a lot of effort. I figured I might as well bring all of it along to ensure there would be no shortage of orgasms for me.

Serious Face peeks inside. His eyebrows climb his forehead. This should be interesting. He seems particularly fascinated by the steel butt plug. He opens the bubble wrap envelope and withdraws the contents, which are also covered with more bubble wrap. I’m very cautious with my toys since they’re rather expensive. At least it’s mostly out of view of the people still rubber-necking as these goons search my carry-on for weapons. I suppose some of these could be considered weapons—of pleasure.

I cross my arms over my chest. I’m past mortification and have moved into annoyed territory. “Please be careful, that’s glass.”

I blow out a breath as he finishes unwrapping it and frowns. Boys, so clueless.

“It’s a glass dildo.”

“Fuck,” Unfriendly mutters.

“That’s exactly what it’s for.”

This time I get a smile out of him. I don’t like his teeth. They’re too white. And he’s only smiling because he wants to be the one to use that on me. I suppose the one important thing I’ve discovered about myself is that I own an extraordinary number of sex toys and it’s a real shame I was dumb enough to marry a man who is too insecure to enjoy them with me. I guess I can thank Brittany Whore-ton for forcing me to see the light.

“This should be okay for your carry-on.” Serious Face returns it to the padded envelope.

I think I’m almost free when he pulls out a very sizable bottle of lube. And the anal lube. And my toy cleaner. None of which conform to carry-on regulations. I know this. It’s why they’re in what was supposed to be my checked bag. I had high hopes for the coming weeks.

I close my eyes, worried that I’m moving from annoyed embarrassment to the tearful kind, and pray to some random God, hopefully a female one, that this will all be over soon. When I open my eyes, the guards are inspecting my bottles of lube. I glance to the line of waiting, would-be flyers. A few look my way, but quickly avert their eyes when they see my delicates vomiting out of my case.

And then I think I’ve completely lost my mind. Passing through the X-ray machine, dressed in a navy suit, with a five o’clock shadow that could kill a specter, is Lexington Mills. I blink. And blink again. “No effing way.”

I’m going to fuck you and you’re going to like it. I said that to him the last time I saw him. While attempting to choke him with his tie. For all intents and purposes that’s considered sexual assault.

He fastens a watch around his wrist. Who even wears a watch these days? Lexington pockets his passport, phone, and wallet and shoulders his messenger bag. It’s masculine for a man-purse, just like he is. I felt just how masculine he is between my legs when I begged him to have sex with me. Oh God, I begged him. Now that I’m past the shock stage and fully immersed and basking in my anger, I can clearly see how unhinged I was. My mortification is doubled by my suitcase of fuck toys.

Before he slips his feet back into his shoes I note his socks. They’re patterned. And not just with dots or diamonds or some pretentious houndstooth check. His socks are bright blue with what appear to be little bacon strips decorating them. Who is this man?

As I take a moment to reverse the circuit, checking out his ass on the way back up to his face, I realize he’s staring back at me. I look away quickly, but pretending I don’t recognize him isn’t going to work. Especially since these guys are still going through my damn bag, and my sex toys and lingerie are on display for everyone passing by, including Lexington.

He seems just as shocked to see me as I am to see him. His expression grows serious as he shoves his feet in his shoes and surveys the area around me.

I brace myself for some kind of confrontation as he heads toward me, but that’s not what happens. I’m stunned when he pulls me in for a quick hug and a peck on the cheek. Keeping his hold on my arms as he backs away, tight smile still in place. “Amalie! So good to see you! Are you traveling alone?”

I’m speechless at first, unable to understand why he’s being so pleasant. “I-I. Yes. I’m alone.” I feel my chin start to quiver. Dammit. I can’t cry right now.

“That’s good.” He nods, eyes moving over my face, seeming strangely concerned. “I was worried—”

When he doesn’t finish the sentence, I fill the awkward silence. “I thought I deserved an escape.”

“You do. Definitely.” He glances at my open luggage, and leans in to whisper. “Is that yours?”

I purse my lips and nod. This feels a lot like a pap. I might as well show everyone my vagina with all the things I generally put on, or in, it, already available for public viewing.

He steps back, his expression somewhere between amused and intrigued. I wait for some snarky comment to add to my humiliation that never seems to end, one that will send me over the edge, back into the land of tears and sadness. Anger is so much easier. “It’s a real shame you have to attend the conference alone.”

What the hell is he talking about?

Lexington turns his megawatt smile on the guards. “Amalie is the queen of sex, obviously.” He gestures to my bag. “I’m so glad to see you’ve brought so many of the new products for the Extreme Pleasure line.”

I cough. The Extreme what? I don’t get what’s happening here.

Lexington points to the black bottle. “Do you mind?”

I look to the guards who seem very confused. “You know this guy?”

“We work for the same company,” Lexington says.

I’m so discombobulated. I don’t understand where he’s going with this.

He leans close to me again and whispers. “Follow my lead.” Then he gives me a knowing wink as he grabs the bottle, addressing the guards. “This is great stuff.” He flips it in his hand, possibly judging the heft as he checks the label. It’s not even close to full. I’m sure he’s noticed. He turns his charming white-toothed smile on me, his tongue peeking out just a little.

My stomach twists uncomfortably. I kissed him. On my wedding night. I had my tongue in his mouth. I know how soft his lips are. It was short-lived, because he was fighting off my advances—sort of—but I still remember every second of it. Especially the part where his tongue tangled with mine briefly.

He rolls the bottle between his palms, as if he’s warming it up. “Very effective, isn’t it, Amalie?”

It finally dawns on me that he’s trying to save me, and it’s possible that he can tell I’m on the verge of tears since he’s witnessed me shed them rather recently. I clear my throat and do my best to play along. “Oh, yes.” I nod. “Extremely effective.”

“So much better than products that numb, wouldn’t you agree?” He’s still holding my gaze, his concern still obvious even though he’s pretending this is a normal conversation to have in the middle of airport security. Meanwhile the lines continue to build behind us.

I return his smile with a wavering one of my own and address the security guards, who look so incredibly confused. “Definitely. I one hundred percent agree. What would be the point of using something that numbs? Then no one feels anything, and that defeats the whole purpose.” I place a hand on his bicep, the squeeze for me, but also to demonstrate my appreciation for what he’s doing.

“That’s right, Amalie.” He leans toward the guys, lowering his voice. “This is a muscle relaxant, to help accommodate for larger insertions.”

Both guards look at me, then back down at the contents of the bag. As it is, I’m working to hold back the hysterical laughter that very well may turn into tears. Lex leans in further and taps the stainless-steel plug. It’s new. I haven’t used it before. I’m not even sure I’m ready for something like that. The two smaller ones are silicone. Obviously I’ve been using them by myself because the only anal thing about Armstrong was his personality.

Lexington strokes the steel like a lover while he holds my gaze. “This beauty right here is exactly what I’m referring to.”

And I think I just came in my damn panties.

Serious Face gives me a look I can’t quite decipher, until he speaks. He sounds like a pre-pubescent teen. “I’m so sorry, but I can’t allow you to take the liquid items on the plane. It’s against regulations.”

I wave him off, relieved the tension seems to be broken. “It’s fine. I have travel sizes of everything anyway.” Why did I say that out loud?

Lexington puts his arm around me and squeezes my shoulder. I must really look like I’m about to lose it if he’s being this nice after what I did to him. “She’s always prepared. A regular Girl Scout of sexpertise.”

They begin the process of repacking my bag, leaving out the items that have been confiscated; so, everything apart from my gigantic bottles of lube and my brand-new bottle of toy cleaner.

At least the embarrassment is over. I hope. I just need to keep it together long enough to finish repacking my bag and then I need to get away from Lexington, because my emotional hold is close to snapping.

Six: Fuck Toy Warehouse

Lexington

I think my brain might explode. Amalie—poised, put-together (apart from the night of her wedding, understandably) demure, sexy-as-fuck Amalie—has the Willy Wonka equivalent of a portable sex shop stored in her goddamn carry-on.

“I’m going to have to clean everything,” she gripes.

The security guards are acting as if they’ve found a bag of candy and they’re about to fight over who gets to eat it. She’s right about the cleanliness issue. Those two have touched pretty much every item in that bag. Although they are wearing gloves.

I have to wonder what happened to make them open it in the first place. She hardly looks the criminal type. In fact, she’s exactly the opposite. Amalie’s appearance fits into the sweetly sexy category, and she’s become infinitely sexier thanks to the fuck toy factory she’s warehousing in that bag. The stainless-steel plug is rather intriguing. Amalie appears to be a naughty, dirty girl. Which begs the question: why the hell was Armstrong putting his dick in other mouths?

“May I please assist? The steel and the glass shouldn’t be next to each other.” Amalie’s voice is matter of fact, sweet like sugar with a hint of a waver. But her posture reflects her annoyance.

“Oh yeah, sure, sorry.” The security jerks step back and watch her do her thing, rearranging items, wrapping, moving things around. She’s gentle and efficient, her embarrassment over this only visible in the hint of pink in her cheeks and the single bead of sweat working its way down her temple, along with the tremulous exhalation of breath.

This is the version of her I’m most familiar with—minus the bag of sex toys. The polite smile, calm, even demeanor, despite present circumstances. That she’s keeping it together as well as she is, considering what she’s been through, is a testament to her strength as a person.

I note the barely imperceptible tremor in her hand and the heavy bob of her throat as she shifts the items in her carry-on around. There’s plenty of space for adjustments now that the bottles of lube are missing. She zips the interior compartment, then closes the bag.

“I can get that for you,” one of the security douches offers.

“It’s fine. I’ve got it.” In her rush to zip the case closed, her fingernail catches on the teeth, tearing it. “Shit!” She shakes out her hand and inspects the damage. She’s torn it to the quick, blood pooling and dripping down her ring finger. Which I note is diamond-free.

I reach into my jacket pocket and root around for a tissue, but all I can find is a pocket square, likely from a past event. “Here, let me see.”

I take her hand before she has a chance to protest and wrap the fabric around her finger, gently pressing below the nail bed. Red expands across the gray.

She tries to pull her hand away, but I hold tight. “I’m fine, Lexington, really. You’ll never get the blood out.”

“I’m not too concerned about a scrap of fabric that essentially serves no purpose other than to be decorative.” Long, slender fingers with perfectly manicured nails, apart from the torn one, flex around my palm. She has delicate hands, soft skin. My asshole cousin had access to these hands and he was dumb enough to ruin it. He really is an idiot.

Amalie places her free hand on my forearm. “Lexington, please.” The tremor is more prominent, and it echoes in her voice. Her panic is clear when I lift my eyes to hers. She blinks rapidly, her lashes wetting with each frantic attempt to keep her emotions in check. “Please.” It’s barely a sound.

I release her hand and my pocket square flutters to the ground.

“I’m sorry.” She shoulders her purse, grabs her carry-on, and nods to the security guards before striding through the doors, toward the departure gates.

I scoop up the stained fabric, jam it in my pocket, and follow her. She’s speed walking in heels. “Hey!” I call out, even though it’s clear she’s trying to escape me now that this most recent fiasco is over.

I don’t know when I’ll see her again, and with the way things happened at the wedding, and just now, that doesn’t sit well with me. I don’t want her to feel bad about what went down in her bridal suite. “Hey! Amalie.” I grab her elbow.

Her head drops along with her shoulders. The submissive posture doesn’t last long. She straightens her spine on a deep exhale, turns her despondent gaze on me, and gives me her signature polite smile. “Thank you for helping me out of an awkward situation.” She inclines her head in the direction of the security checkpoint. “It was very . . . creative.”

Her eyes flutter shut again for a brief moment. She tucks blond strands behind her ear, releasing another tremulous breath. “I’d also like to apologize for my behavior in the bridal suite. I was very . . . distressed and I acted inappropriately. I shouldn’t have . . . attacked you like that.”

That’s one way to interpret it I suppose. “I’m very capable of defending myself when necessary, and I at no point felt attacked.”

Her smile falters and her chin trembles. “I somehow seriously doubt that’s true. I’m not usually a lunatic. Anyway, I’m very sorry. Have a safe trip, Lexington.”

She turns to walk away, but I’m still gripping her elbow. “Amalie, wait.” I don’t know what I’m going to say, or if there is a combination of words that will make what happened less awkward for her. My initial response is to make light of things, but I’m not sure a joke is appropriate with the way she seems like she’s about to fall apart.

“Please, Lex, I need to go. I need—” A tear leaks out of the corner of her eye and she swipes it away, pulling free of my grasp.

Her kitten heels clip on the tile floor as she rushes away, disappearing into the ladies’ bathroom. I consider waiting, but I feel like I might make things worse if I do. I hope the next time I see her it’s under better circumstances and she’s less distressed and embarrassed.

Resigned, I make my way to the lounge—which I’m grateful I have access to. I’m also thankful there was a first-class seat available on this flight. Eighteen hours on a plane in coach would’ve been a form of torture. I’m tall, and not particularly narrow, so anything over four hours in cramped seating leads to all kinds of muscles seizing up.

I order a coffee and browse the menu. At this odd hour, I feel like breakfast. While I’m waiting for my eggs Benedict to arrive I check emails. Ursula, my assistant, has forwarded all the information I requested on the hotels I’ll be visiting. I guess it’s good I have eighteen hours in which I’ll be stuck in a seat, unable to go anywhere but the bathroom, to review it all.

I spend the next twenty minutes reading emails, only breaking long enough to inhale the eggs Benny and request a coffee refill. My plates have been cleared, apart from the coffee cup, and I’m considering a bloody Mary since boarding is still another thirty minutes away, when the clip of heels draws my gaze toward the lounge entrance. Amalie freezes when she sees me. For a second I think she might turn around and bolt again, but I push out the club chair next to mine with my foot. She sighs, but takes the offer, dropping into the chair.

Her eyes are puffy and so are her lips. Has she spent the last half hour locked in the bathroom crying? “Are you okay?”

“I think the answer to that question is probably obvious.” She gestures to her face, then shakes her head. Her smile is soft but strained. “Shall we just pretend I’m fine and that everything between Saturday and just now didn’t happen?”

“Sure.” I don’t want to push her to talk, but her being here and Armstrong’s absence has me curious as to what exactly happened between my putting her in that car with Ruby and now.

She fingers a sugar packet from the table, that small smile lifting fractionally. “Thank you. Again.”

I lean back in my chair, giving her space. “Anytime. I’m the king of avoidance.”

The noise she makes is somewhere between a laugh and a huff. It’s much better than tears. I can handle tears just fine, but I’d prefer to make her smile, if at all possible.

Despite the hour, she orders a bottle of champagne when the server comes around to check on our table.

“Why don’t you get something to eat with that?” I suggest before the server can leave.

She makes a face. “I’m not hungry.”

“You can’t just drink champagne.” At least I wouldn’t suggest it.

Her smile is patronizing. “Sure I can. And you’re going to watch me.”

I bite back a reply referencing what she said to me in the bridal suite, thinking it’s too early to make a joke out of it, and place another order identical to the one I just consumed, as well as a coffee refill, and a glass of orange juice for Amalie, in case she’d like to make very expensive mimosas, or simply dilute the alcohol she feels compelled to consume.

“I assume this is a business trip for you,” she says once the waiter leaves.

“It is, a bit unexpected, but not unwelcome.” I suppose one positive out of this is knowing with absolute certainty that her being here without Armstrong means he won’t have an opportunity to come up with some creative excuse for his behavior.

“Oh? Is everything okay?” Her concern is strangely genuine. Or maybe it isn’t strange, but the situation and our circumstances, along with the events from the wedding, make it that way.

“Everything’s fine.”

The right side of her mouth quirks up. “Fine is what people say when they don’t want to tell you the truth.”

“You told me you were fine earlier.”

“And I was lying, just like you are now.” She flips the sugar packet between her fingers, maybe so she has something to focus on that isn’t me.

“That’s a little hypocritical, don’t you think? Why should I tell you the truth when you won’t give me the same courtesy?”

Her gaze lifts for a brief moment, her sadness almost palpable. “Because you already know the reason why I’m not fine. You were there.”

Our server interrupts, and her expression morphs into polite relief as he presents her with the bottle of champagne. At her nod, he pops the cork and pours her a sample. I decline when it’s offered to me.

He waits for her to take a sip and voice her approval before he tops up her glass and leaves us alone again. Her eyes flutter closed and she sighs, her smile rueful as she takes another, more robust sip. Actually it’s more of a gulp. “So?” she asks.

“So?” I’m too busy watching her tongue drag across her lip to remember what her question is.

“Why are things fine?”

“I suppose for the same reason things are fine for you right now.”

She pauses with her glass halfway to her mouth, brow furrowed in confusion. She really is absolutely stunning, even with the puffy, slightly bloodshot eyes. “How so?”

“My date created the problem and I have an interesting history with Armstrong that may lead some to think I orchestrated what happened, so getting away from the gossip is for the best.” I take a sip of my coffee. It’s too hot and burns the roof of my mouth, but it prevents me from elaborating further.

“Are you being punished?” She seems appalled and possibly guilt-stricken at the idea.

“Not at all. My aunt likes to cause drama, as does my cousin, so I’m avoiding it.” I add a packet of sugar to my coffee. “Anyway, this trip is necessary regardless, and the timing happens to be good for avoiding additional conflict, so I’m taking a break from New York. Don’t feel too bad for me, I get to spend the next several weeks in a luxury hotel.”

I’m rewarded with a sweet little laugh. It’s pretty, but I can hear the note of bitterness tainting the sound. Amalie finishes her first glass of champagne and pours herself another. Thankfully her food arrives.

She acts as if someone dropped a dead body in front her when the waiter tries to set the plate down. “No, no, no. That’s not for me. That’s for him.”

I let the server know it’s fine. “I’ve already eaten.”

Amalie leans as far back in her chair as she can and gestures to the plate, absolutely horror-stricken. “I can’t eat this.”

“Do you have food allergies?” I hadn’t considered that as a possibility.

“No.”

“You don’t like eggs?”

“No. I mean yes, I like eggs.” She starts playing with her hair, twisting the end around her finger.

“But not hollandaise sauce?”

“Well yes, I like that, too.” She drops her hands and clasps them together.

“Are you a vegetarian? You can’t eat ham?” They served filet mignon at the wedding, so I’m doubtful this is the case.

“I can eat ham.” Her gaze drops to the meal in front of her, longing reflected in her eyes. The kind I’d like to see directed at me, in a similar scenario to the one I experienced recently, but not resulting from desperation.

“So, what’s the problem?”

“It’s not on my diet.”

I have to strain to catch her whispery voice, so I assume I’ve heard her incorrectly. “Did you say diet?”

She shrinks back, maybe because of my tone. I don’t mean to sound harsh, but seriously, Amalie has a rocking body. She’s likely the star of many male fantasies, and as much as she shouldn’t be, she’s had occasion to be the star of mine.

“Maybe diet is the wrong word.”

I slide my chair closer to hers and separate the linen napkin from the silverware. “There is no conceivable reason for you to be watching what you eat.”

“I needed to be able to fit into my dress,” she mumbles, “and I wanted to look nice out of it.”

I drape the linen over her lap. I’m right in her space. I should back off. She’s had a rough few days, I’m sure, and me flirting with her isn’t likely to make it better, but my mouth and my brain aren’t working in sync, so I say the thing I shouldn’t anyway. “I think you’re forgetting I’ve seen you out of that dress, and I stand by my original statement. There’s absolutely no need for you to watch what you eat.”

“I thought we agreed not to talk about that.” Her eyes are fixed on where I’m cutting a square out of her breakfast.

“It’s an indirect reference with the intention of making a point. Open, please.” I raise the fork, getting within an inch of her mouth before she grabs it from me.

“I can feed myself, thanks.” She glares while she chews, but her disgruntled expression doesn’t last long. Her eyes close as she swallows and moans, “Oh my God.”

“Good, isn’t it?”

“Amazing.” She plows through the rest quickly, which is good, especially if she’s planning to drink the entire bottle of champagne. It seems rather likely as it’s already half gone and she’s decided to pour another glass. She holds the bottle up with a pithy grin. “Are you sure you wouldn’t like some of Armstrong’s liquefied money? It’s delicious, tastes like dollar bills sliding down my throat.”

I’ve had far too much half-flat champagne recently; however, if it reduces the amount she consumes before she boards her flight, I’ll bite the bullet. She almost knocks over my glass in her attempt to pour, so I take the bottle and manage the task on my own.

There’s a lull in the conversation and she spins the flute between her fingers. “I really am sor—”

Before she can finish issuing another apology, the PA system crackles to life. “Flight six-nine-one-four to Bora Bora now boarding first-class passengers at gate thirty-seven.” The message repeats one more time and we both raise our hands to signal the waiter. Amalie does this while chugging champagne.

She sets the flute down and wipes a dribble from her chin. Her cheeks flush, maybe because of the alcohol consumption, maybe because she’s just realized what I have.

We’re on the same flight.

Seven: Mile High

Amie

“You’re going to Bora Bora?” I’m trying not to show my shock. I’m sure I’m failing.

“I am. And, it appears, so are you.”

“That’s rather coincidental.” I don’t understand how this is possible. Why can’t my nightmare of humiliation just end?

His expression is carefully neutral. “It very much is. But rest assured I had no idea this was where you were going.”

Spending an hour in the airport with Lexington is not the same as coming to the realization that we’re heading for the same destination.

Bora Bora is small and he’s on hotel business. My honeymoon was booked in a Mills hotel. Because they’re the best. There’s a better than average chance we’re going to be in the same place at the same time during my three weeks on the island. I don’t like how excited my entire body seems to be about that. No was the very last thing I wanted to say to you.

I do not need to be thinking about what he said, or how desperately irrational I was during those inerasable minutes. Or how much I wanted that retribution and maybe still do. Except I’m not sure it would be retribution anymore. I might be past that point. I’m not sure how to feel about that, other than conflicted. I can certainly admit that I’m attracted to Lex and have been from the moment I met him. But acting on that attraction isn’t smart beyond the harmless flirting we’ve been doing. Except now we’re going to the same place, on the same plane. That’s bad. Very, very bad, because the Anarchy part of me thinks it’s very, very good.

I reach across the table with a trembling hand and pick up the nearly empty bottle of champagne. It’ll cost at least five hundred dollars, if not more. I’m looking forward to charging it to Armstrong’s credit card, and finishing what’s left.

Except when the bill comes, it hasn’t been separated and Lexington refuses to let me pay for my share.

“Please let me get this.” It’s a statement, not a question, and the lilt of his voice is both authoritative and gently persuasive.

“The whole point is to charge that bottle to Armstrong’s card,” I argue.

“It might be best to wait until you’re out of the country, don’t you think? You can rack up charges on the plane, on your whole damn holiday if you want.”

There are no charges to rack up on the plane since I’m in first class, and the honeymoon is all-inclusive. I relent, but only because he makes a good point. Spa services aren’t covered at the resort, so I can charge those, and any clothes or jewelry that catch my eye. I may need to do a lot of shopping, at least until Armstrong realizes I’m charging things to his card and cuts me off.

While Lexington pays for my extraordinarily expensive bottle of champagne, I gulp down what’s left in my glass. There’s still an inch in the bottle, and if it didn’t look extremely tacky, I’d drink that too. Instead, I gather my purse and coat, smooth out my skirt—yes, I’m wearing a skirt on an eighteen-hour flight. I wanted to at least look good should I run into anyone I know. So on the off chance it got back to Armstrong, I at least appear as if I’m unfazed by all of this. Unfortunately, the change of clothes I’d packed, yoga pants and a T-shirt, are safely stowed in the undercarriage of the plane, so I’m stuck in this.

The champagne hits me as I stand. I wobble, grabbing the closest thing to steady me, which happens to be Lexington’s arm. His rock-hard arm. His rock-hard arm that I know is decorated in a very elaborate tattoo, hidden under his white dress shirt and navy jacket.

The Mills men like body art. Bancroft has a half sleeve, which runs from his shoulder to the middle of his bicep. Lexington’s spans his entire arm. I’ve seen the entire thing once. Although, at the time, I didn’t take the opportunity to admire it, as it was during a Halloween soirée last year. He was dressed as a gladiator. His costume was brilliant, and it showed off the incredible body currently hidden under his suit, which raised more than a hundred thousand dollars during our charity bachelor auction.

He gives me a knowing, dimpled smile. He really is very attractive and in exactly the opposite way Armstrong is. His hair is dark to Armstrong’s light. He’s built where Armstrong is lean. His features are chiseled as opposed to regally pretty. Lexington is polished, but beneath that smooth exterior is the kind of bad boy I’ve always found myself hopelessly attracted to.

The kind of man with full-sleeve tattoos. The kind that suggests flying to Vegas to elope within two minutes of meeting me. The same kind of man who flashes an entire room at a Halloween soirée and gets away with it. Or at least he gave off the impression of being a bad boy. I’m not entirely sure that’s true anymore with the way he’s come to my rescue more than once. And most of what I’ve been told about him has come from Armstrong and highbrow gossip, the truth of which is always up for debate.

While I probably would’ve thrown myself at any available man at my farce of a wedding, all of these traits certainly made it a lot easier to do the other night.

He whispers, “Champagne hitting you harder than expected?”

I realize I’m holding on to him rather tightly, so I release his arm and attempt to find my balance. “I’m fine.”

His fingers press gently against the dip in my spine. “Aren’t you glad I insisted you eat?”

I brush his hand away, unnerved by the way the contact is heating me up from the inside and that I’d like more of it. Which is inappropriate. I can’t want this man. He’s my estranged husband’s cousin. He’s my best friend’s boyfriend’s brother. I’ll see him constantly at events. It’s bad enough that I’ve already thrown myself at him once and been rejected.

No was the very last thing I wanted to say to you.

I shake my head and reach for my carry-on. Unfortunately, little sleep and almost an entire bottle of champagne renders me inebriated, even with the breakfast I stuffed in my face. I miss the handle and stumble forward.

“Whoa.” Lexington’s wide palms wrap around my waist, preventing me from face-planting into the floor.

Crap. I need to get it together. I’m embarrassing myself in front of him yet again. He pulls out a chair, turns me around, and forces me to sit down.

“Drink this, please.” He hands me the glass of orange juice I ignored up until now.

“It has too much sugar in it.” I realize it’s a ridiculous excuse, and one I don’t need to use anymore since fitting into a dress is no longer a priority.

He laughs, then grows serious. Grabbing the chair by both arms, he leans in close. It’s intimate and dominating, the way he has me penned in. Energy crackles between us and I can’t decide if it’s in my head, or maybe because I’m slightly intoxicated, but for a very protracted moment I want to be alone with him. Naked and alone. I want to forget the mess my life is.

He keeps his eyes on mine, his voice low, reserved. “You just polished off most of a bottle of champagne and you’re worried about your sugar consumption? You need liquid that is not alcohol in your system if you want to get on that plane.”

And I’m no longer thinking about him naked. They won’t allow me to board if I’m shit-faced. If I don’t get on that plane now I’ll be stuck here, dealing with the aftermath of my failure of a relationship. I chug the glass and he trades it for the tumbler of water, which I also drain. Lexington pulls a pack of gum from inside his breast pocket. It crinkles as he pushes a square free of the packaging and pops it into his mouth. Repeating the action, he holds the square up to my mouth. Instead of using my fingers, like I should, I part my lips and take what he’s offering.

“Good girl.” His barely audible whisper sends a shiver down my spine.

Our flight number is called again for boarding, this time first class along with zones one and two.

He straightens, holding out a hand. “Shall we?”

I regard his wide palm and long fingers, then lift my gaze to meet his. “Why’re you being so nice to me?”

“Because I want to. Because you don’t deserve what’s happened to you.” His smile is more than sad, some emotion I can’t quite pin down lingering in his gaze. “Come. Let’s get you on that plane.”

I place my fingers on his palm and let him help me out of the chair. The water and juice have dulled the effects of the alcohol marginally, but I accept his assistance when he threads his arm through mine and takes my carry-on in his free hand.

Since we’re seated in first class, we don’t have to wait. Lex keeps a protective hand on my back as we walk down the ramp to the plane. He allows me to go first. As soon as I’m in the cabin I make note of one very important detail: There are only two empty seats in first class and they’re next to each other. Of course we’re sitting together.

I glance at him, then at the seats. “Do you have the window or aisle?”

“I’m fine with either, so you take the one you want the most.” His fingertips press into my spine, urging me forward.

Usually when I traveled with Armstrong I had to take the aisle because he hates it when his elbow gets bumped by the flight attendant’s cart. I selfishly take the window seat.

“Do you need anything from here before I stow this?” Lexington taps the side of my carry-on, a devilish smile pulling up the corner of his mouth.

I resist the urge to flip him off, especially since he just bought me expensive champagne and saved me from being denied access to the plane. I smile cheekily instead and bat my lashes. “I should be fine, thanks, though.”

That smirk of his stays firmly in place as he lifts the bag over his head, securing it in the overhead bin. He moves out of the aisle to allow passengers to pass. I busy myself with the contents of my purse while Lexington shrugs out of his jacket. He’s precise about folding it before he lays it across the arm of his seat. Dropping down beside me, he unfastens his cuff links and rolls his sleeves halfway up his forearms, exposing the colorful artwork on the arm closest to me.

I try not to stare, but it’s so very pretty, and his forearm is so . . . defined. Thickly muscled. All of his muscles are thick. Even the one in his pants. Oh God. I’ve felt his penis.

My cheeks flush and I avert my gaze, focusing on the luggage carts moving across the tarmac outside.

I close my eyes, suddenly exhausted. My brain isn’t even working right. I’ve hardly slept since the wedding and I’m a little drunk. Maybe more than a little. Karmic intervention has nothing to do with us ending up on this plane together. It’s just a strange coincidence.

The feel of my purse being lifted from my lap startles me awake. I reflexively grab it. Strong, warm hands cover mine. “It’s okay, Amalie, it’s just me. I’m not stealing your purse.”

I blink blearily and look around. Right. I’m on a plane. With Lex. Not my husband. Or non-husband. “What’re you doing?” It comes out all slurry.

“We’re taking off. We have to stow this under the seat.”

His use of we makes my heart hurt because I’m just a me now, and my we status lasted less than twelve hours. “Oh. Right.” I relinquish my hold.

Lex leans forward, his shoulder brushing my knee as he carefully places my purse under the seat in front of me. The contact is brief. “You can go back to sleep,” he whispers, squeezing my hand.

I let my eyes fall closed again. I want to thank him, but everything feels too heavy and blackness is so much more alluring than life. So I let consciousness melt away.

Awareness returns with a vengeance. I need to use the bathroom. Badly. Also, my neck is sore. As I adjust my position, it becomes clear that Lex has been functioning as my pillow. I don’t really have time to be embarrassed—yet again—because my bladder is literally screaming at me. Also, Lex is asleep, so maybe he didn’t notice my snuggling with his arm.

I fight with my seatbelt, groaning when I don’t get it on first try. I have to kegel like crazy as I finally manage to unbuckle myself. At least I’m not drunk anymore. Or as drunk. Standing only makes it worse and my knees nearly buckle. Lex’s legs are spread wide, hands clasped in his lap. He looks so put together even while sleeping, and with all that five o’clock shadow covering his jaw. I try to shuffle around him, but my foot gets caught on my purse strap and I stumble, falling right top of him. I brace a hand on each of his shoulders so I don’t smother him with my boobs.

He startles awake. “What the fu—” His hands go to my hips. Low on my hips. Fingertips pressing into the fleshy part of my ass. I’m straddling one of his legs and my skirt is hiked up, the lace band of my thigh-highs barely visible. This is the most impractical outfit to fly in. I should’ve just worn my yoga pants, T-shirt, and flats. Who cares if someone saw me. I could’ve bought a pair of sweats or something in the airport instead of crying in the bathroom, but now I’m stuck in this until we land.

Lex’s confused gaze falls on my chest, which is right in front of his face, and then moves down to where his hands are, and then lower.

“So sorry. Need to pee.” My heel is still caught in my purse strap, though, so I can’t escape. I try to bend to get it, but I can’t reach and I’m making this situation worse with the way my chest bumps his face. I can barely think around my need to pee.

“Hold on. Let me help.” Lex’s hand trails down the outside of my thigh. I grip his shoulder, unsure whether the aching throb between my legs is related to my bursting bladder, or if the feel of his hand skimming the entire length of my leg is creating a different kind of ache. He turns his face, his cheek pressed up against my hip as he wrestles with my tangled purse strap.

“Okay, you’re good.” He pats my ass and sits back in his seat.

His eyes go wide, just like mine, but I don’t have time to call him on the ass tap because my bladder reminds me just how precarious my situation is, and how much more embarrassing it could get.

I rush down the aisle, more grateful than I’ve ever been in my life to see that little green vacant sign. I throw myself into the bathroom, pull the door shut, hike up my skirt, and drop my panties. They’re sapphire blue satin with black lace accents. I bought them a long time ago, before Armstrong and his “I only like white lingerie” ridiculousness. Now I get to wear them whenever I want. I wonder if Lexington would like them.

“Stop it,” I chastise myself. I can still feel his hand on my butt, though. It was clearly an accident. I shocked him awake with my boobs in his face. The ass tap was purely reflexive.

I sigh with relief as the pressure in my bladder slowly dissipates, but that ache, the one low in my belly, still remains. I have no idea how many more hours I have on this plane with Lex, but it’s going to be serious torture to sit beside his hotness, replaying the humiliating, albeit clit-throbbingly, amazing moments in which his mouth was connected to mine and his hard-on was between my legs.

As I’m reliving that moment in my head, a sudden bout of turbulence shakes the plane and rattles the door. I hope it’s an isolated event and that this isn’t going to be one of those flights where I spend the entire time white-knuckling the armrests. I rush to finish my business so I can get back to my seat before we’re hit with more turbulence. I open the door, still adjusting my stupid skirt so it covers the damn garters, and find Lex standing on the other side, wearing a placid smile. My cheeks are once again hot as I move past him, muttering “Excuse me” to the man waiting behind him.

I return to my seat and check my phone for the time. We’ve only been in the air for little more than two hours. Awesome. More than fifteen hours to go and the embarrassing moments keep running like ticker tape. I realize I didn’t even let Ruby know I made it through security safely, or that I’m in the air. I quickly connect to WiFi and compose an email.

Made it through security. Full carry-on search—which was awesome considering I packed ALL of my toys and checked the wrong bag. My humiliation is extreme and overwhelming. I also have an interesting seat partner on the plane. I’ll call when I land and tell you all about it.

XO

Anarchy Amie

I fire it off just as Lexington sits back down. The flight attendant stops by with drinks and snacks. I accept some champagne, because it’s free and I might as well get my buzz back. Or fall asleep again if I’m lucky. Lexington orders coffee and water. He’s too well behaved to be the bad boy I originally thought he was.

He smiles wryly at my champagne, pulls out his laptop and a couple of files, and unfolds his seat tray from the armrest. I pretend to leaf through the airplane magazine while I sip my bubbly, watching curiously as he reaches into his messenger bag and pulls out a small case. Flipping it open, he withdraws a pair of glasses and slides them on.

Dear sweet lord of all things panty melting, this has to be the sexiest man to ever walk the planet. The only thing that would make him sexier would be if he was holding a puppy, or better yet, a baby.

“I didn’t know you wore glasses.” It comes out all soft and breathless.

He touches the frames, and for the first time he looks a little embarrassed. “I don’t wear them often, mostly just when I’m on the computer for long periods of time.”

“They suit you.”

That earns me a smile. “Thanks.”

I gesture to his laptop, struggling for topics of conversation. I don’t know why I’m bothering. Clearly, he wants to work and I should just leave him alone. “You expect to get a lot done during the flight?” I don’t know Lexington well apart from the occasional mutual dinner parties we attend, mostly because I’ve only ever been around him with Armstrong present, and their dislike for each other has always been very apparent. My first impression of him, which initially was of his overwhelming attractiveness and his intense flirty-ness, was also tainted by Armstrong’s warning that he was bad news. Based on what I now know about Armstrong, I’m not so sure I should’ve listened to him in the first place.

Lex shrugs. “We’ll see. I have a few properties I have to visit and some projects to work on, so it doesn’t hurt to start laying some of the groundwork before I get there. Besides, I fully expect my father to come at me with a million questions within an hour of landing, so it helps to be prepared.”

Lexington tugs at his tie, loosening it until he can lift it over his head. He unfastens the top two buttons on his shirt. I gasp and skim my fingertips over the faint purple mark low on his neck. Touching him feels like running my fingers past a live wire. He jerks at the contact and I snatch my hand away, pressing it to my lips. I can both smell and taste his cologne.

“I’m so sorry about that,” I say from behind my fingers.

He chuckles and strokes the dark spot. “Don’t be. It makes me nostalgic for my teen years.”

I bite my lip to contain my grin. “Oh my God. I was grounded for a month the first time I came home with a hickey.”

“First time? Were there multiple infractions?”

“I had a boyfriend in high school who liked to mark his territory. Needless to stay, he was not a family favorite.” But he sure was good with his mouth. I don’t mention that while I was in high school he was in his second year of college.

“I dated a girl who hickeyed her name across my stomach.” Lexington’s eyes light up with the memory.

“Did she at least have a short name?”

“It was Jennifer, but she went by Jen with one N, so it wasn’t as bad as it sounds. Well, that’s not true. She made those letters big and it was pool weather.”

“Oh my God.” I can totally imagine Lexington with abs covered in hickeys.

“I was a lifeguard. I had to wear a tank top in the water for almost two weeks. Mimi was not happy.”

Mimi, or Meredith—Lex’s mother—is a lovely, mostly proper woman, but every once in a while I catch a glimpse of what might be impishness. It’s just the little things she says, the digs she gets in with her sister, Gwendolyn—Armstrong’s mother. “How old were you?”

“Maybe seventeen or eighteen. She was concerned about the negative influence on Bancroft, not that she had to worry, he was all sports, all the time. I don’t think he even knew girls existed until college.”

“I find that hard to believe.” Especially with the way he is with Ruby. Those two treat sex like it’s an Olympic sport. I want that kind of connection with someone. I’d hoped I would have that with Armstrong, eventually, but in the back of my mind I think I knew it would never be like that.

“He was a bit oblivious.”

“What about Griffin?” He’s the oldest of the Mills brothers, Lexington being in the middle.

“He was born ready to fall in love. He dated the same girl all through high school and was crushed when it ended. He dated another girl in college for three years, but she moved to Texas for medical school and it just didn’t work out. Then he met Imogen.”

“He’s only had three relationships?” I can’t even imagine that. I dated so much in high school and college.

“Yeah. Three long ones.”

“What about you?” I cringe at the inappropriateness of the question considering our circumstances. “You don’t have to answer that. I shouldn’t have asked.”

“It’s fine.” He traces the edge of his laptop. “And I actually mean that it is fine to ask. I didn’t really do serious relationships in high school.”

“Too busy getting hickeys?”

“Something like that. What about you? I bet you had a high school sweetheart and when you moved to New York you broke his poor, lovesick heart.”

I laugh at that. “Not quite. I didn’t have very good taste in boys when I was young. Well, clearly that hasn’t changed, but I used to chase the bad ones, or more like they used to chase me.”

His gaze moves over my face. “I bet the bad boys loved you.”

I wag my eyebrows. “I looked a lot more innocent than I was. Ruby used to call me Anarchy Amie.”

“That’s quite the nickname. I can only imagine how that came about.”

“I was a little wild. Youngest of three, only girl and all that. I probably would’ve hickeyed my name across your stomach.” I guess the champagne is loosening up my tongue. I look away. “I didn’t mean it the way it came out. I’m going to stop talking now and let you work.”

He ignores the last part, closes his laptop, and takes off his glasses, setting them on his tray. “It’s probably good I didn’t meet you in high school.”

“Afraid you would’ve corrupted me?” I’m being sarcastic. Obviously.

“I think you might’ve been the one doing the corrupting, Miss-I-wear-garters-on-a-plane.”

I give him the side eye. “I knew you weren’t going to be able to let that go.”

“I was just waiting for the right time to slip it in.” His smile is full lecher.

“I have a feeling the corruption would’ve been mutual had we met in our younger years.” Why can’t I just keep my thoughts to myself?

His expression sobers. “I would’ve been too stupid to see what I had.” That smirk returns just as quickly as it disappeared. “And you wouldn’t have had your sex toy chest, yet, I’m guessing.”

“Here we go.” I roll my eyes. But I’m sure the flush in my cheeks shows my embarrassment.

He’s mostly right about my toy collection. Although, I think I was probably an early bloomer when it came to toys and experimenting. I owned my first vibrator before most of my friends had even had sex. Including Ruby. I go back to flipping through my magazine when the silence stretches out too long to be comfortable anymore, and I start imagining what it might’ve been like to have met Lexington when I was going through my wild phase. One of them, anyway.

“Can I ask you something?”

I stiffen. Partly because he’s leaning in so close his arm touches mine. And his voice is like sex. The naughty, dirty kind. The kind I haven’t had since I started dating Armstrong. I’m so sick of polite sex. I want someone to pull my hair. I want my ass smacked, I want fuzzy handcuffs and maybe some mild restraints—I’m not that kinky that I want the whole whips and chains deal, at least I don’t think I do, but some light bondage and a good hard fuck, the kind I’ll feel long into the next day, that I can totally handle.

I inhale slowly, breathing him in and turn to meet his gaze. God, those eyes. They’re stunning. A gorgeous shade of blue I want to dive into. And that jaw. I want to bite my way across it. He drags his tongue across his bottom lip. I’ve bitten that tongue. Sucked on it. Stroked it with my own.

Sweet lord, I forced myself on this man and I’m thinking about doing it again. Maybe I really have kept my rebellious side tamped down for too long. Maybe this is what happens when I try to be something I’m not. As much as I rebelled as a way to get my parents’ attention when I was younger, I also reveled in the thrill of being a little bad.

“It’s personal,” he says.

“What?” I stop imagining sitting on his face and meet his gaze.

There’s humor dancing in his eyes, but he doesn’t let the smile form on his lips. “My question is personal.” He sweeps my hair away from my face. The unwarranted contact might be a ploy to disarm me. Unwarranted but wanted.

“Then I reserve the right to not answer if I don’t like the question, then.” I sip my champagne and make a mental note to ask for sparkling water when the attendant comes around since I’m starting to feel tipsy again.

“The contents of your carry-on.”

I wait for more. For something else to come out of his mouth, but nothing does.

“What about them?” The bad girl in me wants him to bring it on. Ask me about my butt plugs. All three of them.

His jaw flexes and his fingers tap restlessly on the center console, making my drink shake. “How did Armstrong feel about them?” His voice is low and hard like diamonds. I wish I knew what their problem is with each other.

For some reason I want to tell him the truth. I’m blaming it on the champagne and altitude. And how captivating his eyes are. I feel like I’m being hypnotized into telling him things I shouldn’t. “Armstrong didn’t know about them.”

His eyes flare, as if this information, this bare truth, shocks him. “At all?”

I shrug, as if it’s nothing. Not a big deal. But it is. It’s a huge deal. A huge massive deal made up of orgasm-providing implements. I had to hide my arsenal of fuck toys—as Ruby and I called them—from Armstrong, considering his reaction to my vibrator. Armstrong does not like what he considers unfair competition.

Lex shifts in his seat, his knee knocking mine. He no longer looks amused or angry. He’s flabbergasted. “Like at all?”

“He’s aware I own a vibrator. Was aware. I guess he still is aware.” I shake my head and turn away from his slack jaw, gulping my champagne. I better not cry. Again. That man does not deserve my tears. What he does deserve is a swift kick in the groin, with cactus shoes on. I hope this emotional crap where I feel horrible in unsuspecting waves ceases quickly. I’m not a fan of spontaneous tears.

“He’s a fucking idiot. He doesn’t deserve you, or your traveling sex shop.”

I laugh halfheartedly, then drop my head. “I think I might be the idiot. I don’t know how I didn’t see it.” Or I chose not to acknowledge it until it was too late to turn back. These past few days have given me time to think, and I came to the conclusion that I shouldn’t have married Armstrong. Not just because he disapproved of my vibrator, or because he cheated on me at our wedding, but because he was never right for me, even if I’d tried to force myself into believing he was. My reasons for marrying him were all the wrong ones. The anger I’ve been holding on to turns to sadness over my terrible choices and my throat tightens.

“Don’t do that.” Lex leans in closer, tucking a finger under my chin. I feel that single point of connection through my entire body. Every cell is suddenly alert and aware and every nerve ending between my thighs screams for attention. “Hey. Look at me.”

It takes me a second to meet his gaze. He’s just so intense. Flirty and sarcastic one second, demanding the next.

His thumb traces my bottom lip. It’s the gentlest, barely there touch. I almost think I imagine it. “Don’t do that.”

“Do what?” I try to compartmentalize the emotions I don’t seem to have control over.

“Let him make you feel like you’re anything less than perfect. He has no idea what he’s given up. That he had you at all is a travesty. He doesn’t deserve any part of you, least of all your heart.” He searches my face, eyes warm and honest.

I brush his forearm with shaking fingertips and find myself leaning in. Which is the exact moment the goddamn flight attendant stops by with her cart of beverages and her too-sweet smile. Wasn’t she just here?

Lex clears his throat and points to my empty bottle. “Would you like another?”

I place a hand on his forearm. “That would be lovely.” It’s a possessive, unnecessary action. I need to stop flirting with him and save it for someone else. Some single hottie in Bora Bora looking for a good time who I’ll never have to see again once I leave.

I quickly move my hand to my own lap, smoothing down my skirt. “And sparkling water, please,” I add. Too much more in the booze department and there’s no way I’ll be able to keep Anarchy Amie on a leash.

Lexington passes me the champagne first and then the glass of sparkling water. I sip it daintily, and when the attendant moves on I chug the rest.

“You all right there?” he asks, as if that moment never happened. As if I hadn’t almost considered kissing him again.

“Fine. Just thirsty.” I struggle with the champagne. The flight attendant didn’t even offer to open it for me.

“Need some help with that?”

“I’ve got it.” I put the bottle between my legs and attempt to twist out the cork.

Lexington’s hand covers mine and his fingers curl under to stop me. “You’re going to take your eye out, or soak yourself, or both.”

“I can cork a bottle,” I snap defiantly.

“I’m sure you can, but I’m trying to be a gentleman, Amalie.”

I realize I’m being unnecessarily difficult, so I let him take the bottle and remove the cork with a soft hiss. He leans over enough that his arm grazes my breast as he pours me a glass, and I might lean into him to help maintain the contact.

His eyes dart to mine.

“Thank you.” Dammit. Why do I have to sound so breathless?

“Anytime you need to be corked, you just find me and I’ll help you out.”

I roll my eyes and sip my fresh champagne.

“And if you’re bored while you’re working on your tan, or you need any assistance with that treasure chest in your carry-on, I’m more than happy to lend a hand with that, too. Both, actually.”

And we’re back to the flirting. “Is that right?”

“I could be your beta tester.”

“Beta tester?”

“That’s a thing, you know. I’m sure the wrist strain must be difficult to manage. You’re on holiday, you should be relaxing. I could help out. Take the pressure off.” He winks.

I scoff even though I suddenly feel hot everywhere. And there’s an ache between my legs again that I’d like to take care of. Actually, I’d like Lex to take care of it for me. Which is just . . . so messed up.

“Thanks for the offer, but I can manage myself just fine.” I cross my legs. Uncross them, smooth my skirt out, and cross them again. I need to stop fidgeting.

“I’m sure you can. I’m sure you’re orgasmically good at it.” He puts away his lap tray and grabs his armrests.

“What’re you doing?”

He pauses, his forearms flexing and points to the overhead storage. “Just getting something. You need me to grab anything from your carry-on while I’m up?”

“Wouldn’t you just love it if I said yes.” I flip open my magazine, dismissing him.

He chuckles and stands. I sneakily check out his package. At least I think I’m being sneaky.

He drops back down beside me, arm touching mine as he whispers, “Wondering whether what I have is better than what you’ve got in your treasure chest?”

I choke back a snort, flip the magazine shut, and decide a pretend nap is a smart idea. How did I get into this situation? Why does he have to be so flirty and hot? I always assumed that Lex’s reputation with women was a given truth. But I’m really not so sure. In all the time I’ve known him he’s never had a girlfriend—not one that I’ve seen. And then there was that one rumor about how well he took care of his bachelor auction date last year—she paid over one hundred grand, so I suppose it’s possible he gave her full service, but it’s all just gossip.

The part of me that I’ve kept buried for the past year, the part that says fuck all the consequences, would very much like to find out if the rumors are true. That’s asking for trouble, though.

So much trouble.

But I kind of want to get into a little of that while I’m in Bora Bora. Or maybe a lot.

Eight: Don’t Touch That

Lexington

Amalie fell asleep an hour ago, which is a good thing. I can’t flirt with her when she’s unconscious. I can, however, be considerate and thoughtful.

I tipped her seat back and pulled out the footrest—all without disturbing her. I’m that smooth. I secured a pillow for her and even tucked it under her head, twice, but she seems to prefer my shoulder. She’s currently curled up on her side, hugging my bicep. I’ve used my jacket to cover her from the waist down, because her skirt keeps riding up, exposing the lacy top of her thigh highs. I’d like to say I’ve covered her up because I’m a decent human being, but the truth is, there’s an old guy to the left of us who keeps looking over every time she moves. It’s okay for me to check out her thigh-highs—him, not so much. Also, it’s giving me a hard-on I can’t do anything about.

Amalie’s not a silent sleeper. She makes these soft little sounds, moans and sighs. She mumbles too, and based on the way she keeps inching closer, she’s a snuggler.

I hate that the image of her curled around my cousin’s arm pops into my head. I hate that he’s had her, been inside her, knows what she sounds like when she comes. I hate that he’s humiliated her in such a public way, made her question her value as a person, her worth. I hate that he asked her out before I could.

I’d been watching her all night, just completely in awe of the way she handled the room, her interactions with people. I’d wanted a chance to find out what was under that sweetly polished exterior. I never should have left her side the night I met her. If I’d been smart I would’ve taken her with me to the bar, and kept her away from Armstrong. But then, even if I’d managed to get her to go out with me, he would’ve found a way to fuck it up for me. He always has. I don’t intend to allow him another opportunity to mess with me. Not after this.

I move stray hairs from her cheek. She really is absolutely gorgeous. The vibe she gives off isn’t quite sex kitten. Her face is too sweet, her features fine, delicate. It’s what makes the fact that she has a trunk of sex toys that much more intriguing. She certainly doesn’t look like the kind of woman who would be toting a collection of butt plugs. And that stainless-steel number. Fucking hell. I’d give my left nut to put that to use. Okay, maybe not a nut, but I’d give up something good to have that opportunity.

It’s gratifying to know that Armstrong hasn’t benefited at all from her collection, pretentious prick that he is. I’ll bet he felt threatened. I’ve seen him strutting around in the locker room. He doesn’t have anything to peacock about.

Amalie makes another little noise and presses her cheek against my arm. I return my attention to spreadsheets and the figures on the screen instead of perverted thoughts, but it’s a losing battle.

The flight attendant pauses when she reaches me and passes over two blankets. “For you and your girlfriend.”

“Thank you.” I don’t correct her.

I don’t remove my jacket from Amie’s legs. I just drape the blanket over her and tuck her in. I give up on working. I’ll have plenty of time when I get to Bora Bora to review the rest of the material. Sleep hasn’t been great the past few days. I have meetings four hours after I arrive with the resort manager, and I’ve reviewed the critical details. I should get some sleep.

I pull up my leg rest and recline, pushing back Amie’s chair until we’re both fully prone. The console makes it impossible for her to get any closer, which is probably a good thing.

I adjust her position and try the pillow again, but it doesn’t seem to dissuade her. In fact, now that we’re both prone, she pushes her forehead against my bicep, and she starts murmuring, my name is in there, a soft, tiny whisper.

As I close my eyes and settle in, I have to wonder what the purpose of all of this is. The series of events that put me beside Amalie on this plane seem like too much of a coincidence to ignore. I have a woman with a shattered heart at my side. A causality of Armstrong’s endless need to screw with me. I missed my chance before, but maybe now I can be part of what helps put her back together.

* * *

“Excuse me, sir.” Light tapping on my shoulder becomes slightly more vigorous until I open my eyes. I blink against the brightness and look up into the smiling face of our flight attendant. “We’re serving breakfast prior to landing.”

Prior to landing? How long have I been asleep? “Oh. Okay. How much longer until we land?”

“Just under two hours, sir. Would your travel companion be interested in breakfast, as well?”

It’s then that I take stock of Amalie, cuddled up next to me. Her face still pressed against my arm, as if she hasn’t moved in the time we’ve been asleep. I can’t remember the last time I’ve slept for that many hours consecutively. My gaze drops lower, to where she’s thrown her blanket off and her skirt has ridden up obscenely high. Her top has done the same, exposing a strip of toned stomach. I quickly pull her blanket back in place.

“Yes, please. That would be wonderful.”

“I’ll leave the menu with you and give you a few minutes to decide.” She moves on to the old man, who I’m sure has been enjoying the view, based on his upside-down magazine.

I shift Amie so her head is on her pillow before I right my seat and fold down the footrest. Once more, I contemplate the purpose of this—us being thrown together in unconventional circumstances. I don’t buy the divine intervention bullshit. But, knowing I’m going to be near her for the next few weeks—that’s a strange kind of torture.

“Amie.” I give her shoulder a gentle shake and smile, appreciating the shortened version of her name now that I know how she came by it.

She blinks and looks around, disoriented. She scrambles up, the blanket falling away, giving me yet another glimpse of those blue-ball-inducing garters. She looks around frantically, blows out a breath, and settles in her seat. She touches her lips. “I had the strangest dream.”

“Oh yeah, what was it about?”

Her cheeks flush as she looks me over. “Oh, um . . . I can’t remember.” She busies herself, adjusting her skirt and blouse. “I’m a wrinkled mess.”

“You’re gorgeous.” I realize I’m staring and focus on the menu. “They’re serving breakfast. Are you hungry?’

“Starving.” She yawns and stretches. “Wait, breakfast? How long have I been asleep? How many more hours until we land?”

“Less than two according to the flight attendant.” I set the menu on the console between us.

“Seriously? I slept for nine hours? I think the last time I did that was in high school.”

“You obviously needed it.”

“Clearly.” She browses the options. “Everything sounds good. Oh God, waffles. I think it’s been more than a year since I’ve eaten a waffle. What’re you getting?” She leans in, her forearm resting against mine.

It really shouldn’t feel this natural to wake up beside her. “I was thinking the yogurt parfait or the muesli.” I tap the options under the healthy selection.

Amalie wrinkles her nose. “Seriously?”

I laugh. “No. Not seriously. I’m either feeling the bacon and eggs or the omelet.”

“Oooh, those both sound good.” She bites that plush bottom lip. “It’s so hard to decide. I haven’t had bacon in forever, either.” After a few more seconds of mulling, she grabs my forearm. “I have an idea. Why don’t I get the waffle, and you get the bacon and eggs, or the omelet, and we can share?” She withdraws her hand. “Unless you’re worried about germs.”

“I’m not worried about germs unless you plan on licking everything on the plate first.”

She makes a face. It’s so fucking cute. I don’t know how one woman can be so sexy and so sweet at the same time. “Um, no, that’s just gross.”

“I think we’re good then.”

The flight attendant returns with the breakfast cart. Amalie declines the mimosa and opts for coffee and water. We eat off each other’s plates like it’s the most normal thing in the world. It feels like too short a time before we begin our descent. I’ve never wanted a flight to be longer, but today I do. Amalie is quiet, staring out the window as we approach the island. She grips the armrest when the wheels touch down. I note her crossed fingers and then the way she relaxes when the plane slows.

“Are you afraid of flying?” I ask.

She looks over at me. “What?”

“You were crossing your fingers when we landed.”

“Oh.” Her smile is wry. “I’m not afraid of being in the air. It’s the takeoff and landing that make me nervous. It’s why I always have a couple of drinks before I fly, cuts the nerves.”

“I’m pretty sure an entire bottle of champagne qualifies as more than a couple of drinks.”

Amalie rolls her eyes, but she’s smiling. She retrieves her purse from under the seat, pops a square of gum into her mouth, and checks her reflection in a small compact mirror. “I look like last night’s hooker. Why didn’t you tell me my hair was this bad?”

“It looks good to me.”

While she works on fixing her perfectly acceptable appearance, I put all my files back in my bag and make sure I have my phone, iPad, and laptop. Last year Bane left his phone and iPad on a plane and couldn’t communicate with anyone until he had them replaced. That caused a shit show with Ruby, his now live-in girlfriend. And while I don’t have anyone waiting for me back home, I can’t afford to be without my laptop on this trip, or my phone.

“Could you pass me my jacket please?” I point to the floor at her feet.

Amalie reaches down and picks up my jacket. “How’d that get over here?”

“It was a makeshift blanket until the flight attendant came by with a real one.” I leave out the part where I did it to cover her thigh highs and the thin strap of her garters.

She passes it to me. “Thank you. That was thoughtful.”

“It was really nothing.”

“Armstrong would’ve been too worried I’d wrinkle his jacket to do something that considerate.”

“That’s because Armstrong’s a dick.”

Amalie regards me for a few seconds. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.” I shrug into my jacket, adjusting my collar and tightening my tie.

“Why don’t you two get along?”

“Because he’s a dick.”

“Funny. That’s the same answer I got out of him.”

I sigh. I don’t want to get into this with her. “Sometimes people just don’t see eye to eye. Armstrong and I are like that. And he’s an actual dick who does dickhead things because he enjoys it.”

“I learned that too late, I think.”

The seat-belt light dings and the first-class cabin begins to disembark. I help Amalie with her carry-on and we head for baggage claim together.

“Where are you staying?” I ask as we wait for her bags to come around. She has more than one, likely because she’d planned to spend half of her vacation in lingerie. I throw a mental middle finger at Armstrong for missing out on it. Then I consider that someone else, some random hook-up, might get to see what Armstrong is missing.

“At the Haven.”

“You’ll love it there.” Of course she’s staying at one of my family’s properties. I can’t believe I didn’t ask before now. It’s on the opposite end of the island from where I’m staying, but it’s a small island, so it’s still not very far. I can’t decide if being at the same resort would be good or bad. I’d be tempted to find reasons to see her, and that would inevitably lead to more flirting, which could lead to other, more complicated adventures. If she offered the opportunity, I’d be hard-pressed not to take it.

“Armstrong and I came here several months ago and stayed a couple of nights at each of your resorts. I liked the Mills Resort and Spa best, but Armstrong thought this would be nicer. More private.”

He was right about that. The Haven is far more secluded, with private beachhouses set into the lush landscape. The Mills Resort and Spa is set on the water with a fabulous view of the inactive volcano, which is where I’m staying for now. I imagine Armstrong wanted the beachhouse because he’s not a huge fan of water and the shallow beach would be a better option. Where Amalie is staying is also our honeymoon resort. It’s the newest, the most recently updated, and needs the least of my attention while I’m here.

I collect our bags from the carousel and we head out into the beautiful, hot sunny day. Amalie slips on a pair of huge sunglasses. “What about you? Where are you staying?”

“On the other side of the island at the Resort and Spa.”

“Oh.” The sunglasses cover her eyes, but disappointment colors the single word.

I’m a familiar face on an otherwise solitary holiday. It won’t hurt to give her the ability to reach out should she want company, and I’m hoping she does. “Why don’t I give you my number in case you run into any problems, or you need anything?”

“Um. Okay. Sure. That sounds good.” Amalie rummages around in her purse until she finds her phone. She takes it off airplane mode and alerts and messages blow up the screen. “I guess I should call Ruby so she knows I’m alive.” She ignores the messages and brings up her contact list, adding my name before she passes me the device.

“Like I said, if you need anything while you’re here, I’m just a phone call away.”

“Thank you, Lex. For being so understanding about everything.”

“You didn’t ask for any of this.”

“Maybe not, but you got dragged into it unfairly. Anyway, your kindness has been appreciated.” She steps in, her body pressing against me as her arms wind around my waist. With her heels on, the top of her head reaches my chin. I return her brief embrace, enjoying far too much the way her body feels against mine. When she pulls away, her lips brush against the edge of my jaw. Fresh awkwardness replaces the easy, light mood.

I can fix that. “Just remember, my offer stands.”

She adjusts her purse strap. “What offer?”

I tap her carry-on case with my toe. “To be your beta tester.”

She laughs and shakes her head. I help put her cases in the trunk of one of the waiting cars and hold the door for her.

She waves as the car pulls away, her fingertips sliding down the glass as that soft smile falls. I hope she calls, and even if she doesn’t, I’m not sure I’ll be able to stay away from her. Not when she’s this close and I seem to be getting back my lost opportunity.

Nine: Honeymoon Blues

Amie

“I’m here and safe, I’m sorry I didn’t call you before takeoff.” Ruby’s slightly miffed by my lack of communication over the past eighteen hours. Apparently my email was insufficient and did not provide nearly enough details.

“Are you at the resort now? Did you meet a hottie on the plane? Did you hump him in the bathroom?”

“I’m in a car on my way. I didn’t hump anyone in the bathroom, that’s just gross.”

“Your email made it seem like the plane ride was going to be exciting.” She sounds pouty now.

The man driving glances in the rearview mirror. I smile and go back to my conversation with Ruby as I watch the endless expanse of white sand and pale blue water pass. I can’t wait to go for a swim. Alone.

“It was more exciting than most.” I’m twirling my hair. I sit on my free hand to stop the fidgeting.

“I knew it! Did you get it on with some sex god in your seats? That’s totally an old-you move!”

I snort. “I was never that wild.”

“Pretty close. Anyway, tell me about your seat partner! Was he hot? Did you get a number? Is he staying at your resort?”

“Yes he’s hot, yes I have his number, and no, he’s not staying at my resort.”

“Ohhh! Yay! Too bad about the last part, but Bora Bora is small, right? That means you can go visit him at his resort and then find another hottie to get freaky with at your own. It’s actually perfect.”

I laugh. “I love that you’re condoning such bad behavior, but I’m not going to sleep with him.”

“Why the hell not? You’ve spent the last year with a douchebag, you deserve a few sex-filled weeks.”

“Because Lexington sat beside me on the plane.”

Several seconds of silence follow. I smile as I imagine her shocked expression. “I’m sorry. What?”

“Lexington was on the plane. Beside me.”

Her voice is about seven thousand octaves higher. “As in Bancroft’s brother?”

“Do you know any other men named Lexington?”

“Just that porn star. Holy shit. Wait. Lex is in Bora Bora? How don’t I know this? Hold on.” Her voice is muffled briefly, but her finger must slip, because all of a sudden I hear Bancroft in the background and then it sounds like the phone is being dropped. Ruby returns, her voice still high. “Bancroft didn’t realize Lex was in Bora Bora. No, you can’t have the phone, Bane, just call your damn brother if you want information, I’m having a conversation right now. No. No. Do not make threats you know you can’t follow up on.” There’s more static and movement. “Sorry about that. So Lex was on your flight, in the seat next to you?”

“Yes.”

“How in the world did that happen?”

“There aren’t a lot of flights to Bora Bora, I guess we just happened to book the same one.”

“I mean, why the hell is he in Bora Bora of all places?” It’s more a mutter than an actual question.

“He said it was last minute. I guess since his date was responsible for ruining my wedding he was getting out of Dodge.”

“So it wasn’t orchestrated?”

“Orchestrated? What do you mean?”

“Nothing, never mind. Bane is talking to Lex. It sounds like their father pushed a project that wasn’t supposed to happen for a few months forward because of Brittany Whore-ton’s dick gargling. That’s crazy that you’re in the same place at the same time. Too bad he’s not at the same resort as you.”

“It’s probably better he’s not. I’ve embarrassed myself around him enough as it is. I’d rather he not witness more of my drunk and disorderly behavior.” I’m fidgeting again.

“Come on, Amie, how wild of a coincidence is this? I mean really? How does that even happen?”

I’ve asked myself the same thing and I really can’t answer it. “It’s no big deal. He’s on the other side of the island.”

“For now. I can’t imagine he’ll stay at the same place the entire time. He’ll probably have to move around.” I can hear Bancroft in the background, his tone annoyed but the words too muffled to catch. “I’m glad he’s there. You said you have his number, right?”

“Yeah, but it’s not like I’m going to call him. He’s here on business. He’ll be busy.” The beta testing comment was just a joke, and he’s notoriously flirty. At least that’s what I’m going to keep telling myself. I have a feeling if I call him, I’m going to do exactly the same thing I did when I found him in my bridal suite, and I won’t have any kind of logical excuse for it other than the sheer desire to get him naked and ride him.

“At least you know someone local.”

“I guess that’s true.”

The driver pulls off the main road, and suddenly we’re in the cover of palm trees and the reception becomes shoddy. We try to talk around it, but it proves impossible. “Can I call you later, once I’m settled?”

“Of course. Have some fun and wear sunscreen!”

“I’ll do my best.”

I end the call as we pull up to the main resort building. In the distance the inactive volcano cuts deep green in to the backdrop of pale blue water and the white sand beach. I check into the resort and my bags are transferred into a golf cart. We make the short trip down a narrow path to my private hut tucked between the palm trees lining the water.

Once my bags are brought inside, I tip the concierge and then I’m left to take in the lavish accommodations.

While the exterior is quaint, the interior is sheer luxury. Rose petals dot the white comforter covering the king-size bed, a gauzy canopy lending a hint of privacy and sensuality. A living room with a couch and a TV is set to the left, a small kitchen with a table for two is positioned close to the sliding doors that lead outside. Beyond that is a massive bathroom, boasting a beautiful soaker tub.

I cross the bungalow and step out on to the private deck. The view is spectacular. It’s the perfect location. The perfect honeymoon. Except I’m alone. The anger and the sadness I’ve wavered between coalesces and becomes thicker; a sludge I feel stuck in.

I pull up the most recent voicemail from Armstrong and debate whether I want to hear what he has to say. I’ll have to listen to it eventually, so I bite the bullet and hit the play button:

“This is the fourth time I’ve called in the past twenty-four hours. This standoff is unhelpful, Amalie. Do you realize how embarrassing this is for me? How can I account for your disappearance? What will people think? Do you have any idea what they’re saying? I don’t know what else I can say or do to rectify this situation. As I’ve said before, it was an unintentional mishap. Haven’t you made mistakes in the past? Surely you can find it in your heart to forgive me this transgression.”

“You’re the fucking mistake.” I delete it so I don’t succumb to the temptation to stew in my own idiocy and listen to it again. In all the messages he’s sent he continually mentions forgiveness, but it seems like he doesn’t actually care about the forgiveness part, it’s just about saving face. It’s disgusting and appalling. There’s no excuse for what he’s done.

The view grows blurry as the tears break free. I step off the deck and sink into the sand, wishing this wasn’t my life, and that I didn’t feel so empty.

* * *

Bora Bora is incredible. The resort is beautiful. It’s also the absolute worst place for a rejected bride. There’s a reason why this hotel is touted as the most romantic honeymoon destination in the world. Because those are the only people here. Happy couples in love greet me at every turn. Gorgeous, sexy people kiss and hold hands and stroll the beaches. They sit across from me at every meal and feed each other chocolate-dipped strawberries. I can literally feel people’s pity. There’s no escaping the humiliation or the loneliness.

For the first twenty-four hours, the concierge kept asking after my husband. I may or may not have accidentally said he was probably off getting a blow job, so he was unlikely to arrive anytime soon.

Three days in and I’m miserable. It doesn’t matter how beautiful my surroundings are, the endless happiness of other couples celebrating their love is painful to witness, in part because I’m alone, but also because over the past few days I’ve begun to truly accept the awful mistake I made in marrying Armstrong. I should’ve trusted my instincts and not listened to my mother, because I need to face reality.

The truth is, I married Armstrong because I got wrapped up in the idea of a perfect love instead of trying to find the real thing. I wanted this to work so badly that I allowed him to dictate my choices, not just for the wedding, but in every single part of my life.

It was so much bigger than just manipulating what I wore and ate, although that was definitely part of it. He was subtle in his manipulations, making comments about how things looked on me, what was appropriate and what wasn’t.

All of the things he said and did were meant to make me question myself and undermine my confidence. Worse than that is the way I let him drag me down and make me feel less—less important, less valued, less than good enough. If I had stayed with him I would’ve continually questioned my worth and I probably would’ve ended up falling down a rabbit hole of self-loathing filled with Botox injections and insecurity.

I should’ve taken Ruby’s concerns seriously, but I didn’t and now here I am, alone on my honeymoon, wishing I could go back in time and erase the past year of my life. But I can’t. So this loneliness is my present.

Messages from Armstrong have been constant. It appears my brother made an attempt to deliver the annulment papers a couple of days ago according to one of Armstrong’s many voicemails.

“Annulment papers, Amalie? Honestly? Don’t you think that’s rash? It’s imperative that we have a reasonable discussion, but it doesn’t appear I’ll be able to do that face-to-face with you considering you’re on our honeymoon. Don’t think I didn’t notice the charges on my credit card for the new bathing suit! Or the other items you’ve purchased. I know you went. Do you have my passport? You’re making this extraordinarily difficult.”

This morning I received a message from his mother, which is a new level of horrifying. I’ve avoided listening to it up until now. Her voice is worse than death metal with a migraine.

“Amalie, darling, you’ve made your point. I understand that Armstrong has upset you, however, I think we all know what’s best here. This happens to all of us. Now I realize in this case the circumstances were less than ideal, but I’ve talked to Armstrong and he’s willing to find a way to make amends for this indiscretion. You can’t run from this forever, darling.”

She’s partially right, I’m running from the bad decisions I’ve made in the name of making my family happy, which is hilariously ironic, because it seems like no matter what I do, I make the wrong decision. I’m also running from the fear that I’m destined to end up like my parents, always pushing away instead of finding someone I can stand next to in this life. But, it doesn’t mean I have any desire to reconcile with Armstrong.

Since I arrived, I’ve talked to my own mother once to let her know I’m safe. My dad was out golfing when I called, but she assured me twice that everything was fine. I don’t want the stress to impact her health, and fights between her and my father can do that. Her major concern seems to lie with me making poor choices while I’m away. She reminded me that we don’t want a repeat of Mexico, especially since I’m still technically married to Armstrong. Something I’ve been trying to forget.

A brief text conversation with Pierce informs me he’s still working on getting the annulment papers into Armstrong’s hands, but he’s having trouble getting past his secretary, which explains Armstrong’s most recent voicemail.

I’m currently sitting in one of the lounge chairs facing the beach. I’ve stopped eating meals in the dining hall. Instead, I order room service so I don’t have to deal with all the happy, in love couples.

I’ve read four books, all of them murder mysteries because I can’t stomach romance. As I bring up the latest one on my e-reader, the crunch of tires on gravel draws my gaze toward the path beyond the hut. I can’t see anything, though, my location is that private. I sigh at the thought of another excessively happy couple coming to join the endless party of love. Screw everyone and their happiness. My bitterness is like a black cloud of doom, blocking out the warmth and sunshine. I hate this fucking place.

The golf cart doesn’t continue past my hut; instead it slows. I already have my breakfast. I haven’t planned an excursion for today—yesterday’s scuba diving was horrible since, as usual, I was the only single one. The worst part of the whole trip so far has been being propositioned by the newly married couple in their early fifties to join them in a threesome.

My stomach does a flippy thing at the possibility that I might have a visitor. What if Lexington has come to check up on me? I haven’t messaged or called him, even though I’ve thought about it every day, multiple times a day. I rationalize that he was nice to me in the airport and on the plane because he felt bad for me, and because he didn’t have much of a choice since he was stuck beside me for eighteen hours.

My phone rings. It’s Ruby. Conversations with her haven’t been easy since the reception is weak everywhere apart from the resort lounge. Again, it’s all couples being coupley there, too, so I try to avoid it. I answer the call, the terrible reception making her difficult to hear.

“Hey, hold on. I’m going to try and find the magic spot.” I push out of my chair and head for the spot where I get reasonable reception.

“Armstrong . . . for you . . .”

“What?” Her tone makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end.

A blip of static-free reception means the next words from Ruby are clear. “He’s in Bora Bora.”

“But he doesn’t have a passport.”

“Apparently he has a new one. Or a spare. I don’t know the details but I do know he’s on his way to you. He posted on social media.”

“Fuckerdoodles.” I check the accounts he posts to most often. There’s a selfie of him in front of the resort sign. He really is here. As in here, here. I do not want to deal with Armstrong. I’m not ready. I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready. I’m actually perfectly content to have my brother, or someone from his firm and Armstrong’s lawyer, hash it all out without ever speaking to him again.

“I would’ve called sooner, but he posted it like five minutes ago and Bane saw it so he called me, now I’m telling you.”

As I step onto the deck, the hut door opens and one of the bellhops wheels in Armstrong’s suitcases. He has four. I came with two, plus my tickle trunk. “He’s here. I have to go.”

“Oh shit. What’re you going to do?”

“Mostly I just want to punch him.”

“That’s a fabulous idea. You should do that then, just don’t break anything. Maybe aim for soft spots, like his abs, or his balls.”

I laugh. “I’ll call you back when I get rid of him.” I set my phone on the table, crossing my arms over my chest to stop the tremble in my hands.

Armstrong appears behind the concierge. He’s wearing a pair of khaki pants, white shoes, and a bright pink polo. His blond hair is styled with what is likely the majority of a bottle of some kind of product. A splint across his nose and the black eye hidden behind sunglasses mars his face.

“What the fuck are you doing here?”

The concierge’s eyes go wide. Armstrong hurriedly stuffs money in his hand and pushes him out the door.

He gives me his signature smile. “Darling, please.”

“Don’t ‘darling, please’ me, you prickless asshole.”

“Amalie.” That’s his warning tone because my language isn’t to his liking.

“Fuck you, Armstrong. You don’t get to come here and chastise me. I will use whatever the fuck kind of language I damn well feel like.” I stress every curse word. “You might as well turn your ass around and find somewhere else to go, there’s no goddamn way you’re staying here with me.”

“This is our honeymoon. I came all this way for you. I had to jump through hoops to get a passport. I would’ve been here sooner if you hadn’t left me without one.” His tone is accusatory.

“Did you consider that maybe I didn’t want your cheating, lying ass here?”

He takes a step toward me. “You need to let me explain.”

“Explain what exactly? How your dick accidentally slipped into someone else’s mouth at our fucking wedding?” I gesture wildly, as if I’m giving him the floor to speak. “Please. This story has to be amazing.”

He rubs his chest. “I did it for you. I wanted to be able to last.”

“I’m sorry? Pardon?” I must’ve heard that wrong.

“I wanted to last for you. Later. After the reception.”

I honestly feel like my head’s going to explode. I pinch the bridge of my nose. “Are you serious with this? You have hands, you could’ve whacked off in the bathroom if you were worried about your longevity, which by the way, is pretty fucking pathetic at the best of times.”

“I just get ex—”

I point a finger at him. “Shut the fuck up.”

His mouth snaps closed, possibly at my language, possibly because I might look a little crazy right now. “Did you honestly think that coming here and telling me you let Brittany, of all people, blow you during our wedding reception for my benefit was going to win me back? How delusional are you?”

“Amalie, you know how this works. I love you. You’re my wife. I hold you to a higher standard. Everyone needs a mistress or two. They’re what deep throating is for, and maybe anal.”

My mouth opens and closes a few times. I can’t even process what he’s telling me. “A mistress or two?”

“For variety.”

“What about the sanctity of marriage?” I’m starting to feel ill as this new, horrifying reality sets in.

Armstrong shakes his head and purses his lips as he struggles to find the right words. “It’s really just a guideline.”

I sink into the chair, my knees weak. I thought I’d moved past all the anger and sadness into some level of acceptance, but I’ve just been slingshotted back to ground zero. My head is swimming, it feels like I’m drunk, even though I haven’t even had my morning mimosa yet. “Were you ever faithful to me? At all?”

“I’ve never had sex with anyone but you since we’ve been together.” He adds, “I’ve never kissed anyone, either.”

“I don’t understand what that means.”

“It’s just a blow job, Amalie. That’s all. Nothing more.”

“Nothing more?” I echo. “You let someone who is not me blow you at our wedding. That’s not nothing, Armstrong, that’s cheating.”

“I think you’re working under an antiquated view of what constitutes infidelity. A blow job doesn’t qualify as cheating.”

My shock seems to be boundless. “In what world?”

He rests his palm against his chest. “Amalie, you have my heart. That’s the only thing that matters here. We can work this out. It’s an excellent partnership.”

I can’t listen to any more of this. If I do, there’s a good chance I’ll end up committing murder. I don’t know what Bora Bora’s prison system is like but I’d prefer not to find out. I point to the door. “Get the fuck out.”

“Amalie, you need to be reasonable.” He’s standing right in front of me. His crotch level with my face.

“Or what?” I wonder how many times Brittany has gotten on her knees for him. I wonder if she’s the only one. It seems unlikely based on what he’s just said.

“I’m being nice right now, Amalie. You’ve had a week to adjust your expectations. And people are talking. I don’t think you really want to push my buttons any more than you already have, do you?” His eyes are dark and angry as his fingers wrap tightly around my bicep, squeezing.

“Get your hands off me!” I try to shake free of him, but his grip tightens.

My reaction is instinctual, my years of self-defense kicking in. I cock my fist and punch him square in the nuts, bringing him to his knees.

His mouth drops open in shock as he cups himself and falls to his side on the floor, curled up in the fetal position. “Why?” he gasps.

My chair tips back as I push up to stand. “Because you’re a pussy, and a cheater, and you tried to threaten me with force.” I grab my phone with shaking hands and pull up my contact list, stepping over Armstrong as I scroll to the one and only person who can help me right now.

Ten: Dick Punch

Lexington

“Hi, Lex? It’s Amie. Amalie. Hi.”

I’m shocked to hear her voice so it takes a second before I answer, less than eloquently. “Hey. Hi, Amie. How’re you?”

“I’m fine.” She laughs uncertainly. “I hope I haven’t caught you at a bad time.”

The waver in her voice makes me sit up straighter. “Are you sure you’re fine? You don’t sound fine.”

She sighs softly. “Not really. I need your help.”

Based on her tone, I don’t think this is about being her toy chest beta tester. I’m sitting on my deck with a pile of file folders, crunching numbers between dips in the water. Yesterday was full of meetings, today I’m reviewing the most important things that need to be managed. In three hours I have another meeting at the sister resort a ways down the island. “What’s going on? Are you in trouble?”

“Um. I think . . . I think I need to get out of here. Could you come get me? Or . . . never mind. You’re probably in the middle of a meeting. I don’t know what I’m doing.”

I move my laptop to the table. “I’m not in the middle of anything. I can come right now. What’s happened?”

“Armstrong’s here.”

“I’m sorry, did I hear that correctly?”

“Armstrong is in Bora Bora.”

I slip my feet into my flip-flops. “Is he with you right now?”

“He is.”

“Has he hurt you?” I grab the keys for the hotel jeep I’ve been using during my stay and rush down the dock, forcing a smile as I pass a couple of the cleaning staff and resort guests.

“Hurt me?”

“Put his hands on you, touched you, harmed you?”

“I don’t think so. No. I mean, he put his hand on me, but I punched him, so I’m okay.”

This time my smile is real. “Good girl. I’m on my way. Do you want me to stay on the phone with you?”

“I’m okay. I think. I need to pack. I should pack.”

She sounds like she’s in shock. It’s a different kind of shock than the night of the wedding. “Are you sure? I can stay on the line.”

“How long will you be?”

“Ten minutes. Fifteen at the most. I’m not far.”

“Okay. I’ll be fine until then. I’ll see you soon.”

Amalie ends the call. I stare at my phone for a few seconds, debating whether I should call her back and make sure she really is fine. Or as fine as she can be considering the circumstances. Of course Armstrong would come to get her. He can’t stand losing and he hates the idea that people may be talking negatively about him because of this.

Over the past few days I’ve been in constant contact with Bane. The first call I received wasn’t all that friendly. He assumed I’d somehow known Amalie was going to Bora Bora. Armstrong’s honeymoon had never been something I’d cared to hear about. When Bane realized how ridiculous that was he calmed down and apologized. If this had been a few years ago his worry might’ve been valid, but I haven’t fucked with Armstrong in a long time.

Beyond calls from Bane, I’ve been fielding endless messages from Ruby updating me on her best friend’s status, including her hut number, should I need it. The temptation to check on Amalie has been strong, however, I wasn’t going to initiate contact. I will not be the asshole in this situation by taking advantage of her in a weak moment. But her coming to me, well, that’s different. She’s asking me for help. I don’t know how Armstrong is going to react to seeing me, but I’m not about to let him mess with her any more than he already has. I’ve had enough of his bullshit to last an entire lifetime.

I jump into the jeep and head toward the Haven. Once there, I secure a golf cart so I can navigate the narrow paths leading to the beachfront huts. It doesn’t take me long to locate Amalie’s hut. She’s wheeling her suitcases out the door while Armstrong grabs her arm, in an attempt to pull her back inside.

I barely have the cart in park before I’m rushing him. “Get your hands off her!”

He releases her, face scrunching in confusion. Obviously she didn’t mention me coming to get her, and no one told him I was here, which gives me an element-of-surprise advantage. I come in low like a linebacker, jamming my shoulder into his stomach, launching him back into the hut. We land on the floor in a heap.

“What the hell are you doing here? You fucker. This is your fault—” Before he can get another word out I punch him in the mouth.

“You fucked this up all on your own. Don’t get mad ’cause she came to me for help.” To keep him from speaking I give him a shot in the nuts.

He sucks in a heaving, gasping breath as he cups his balls, groaning profanity.

“My bags are in the cart, let’s go.” Amalie comes stomping back through the door and stops when she sees Armstrong curled in a ball on the floor. “What’d you do?”

“I punched him.”

“In the dick?” she asks.

“And the face first, but yeah.”

She smiles. It’s a little manic. “So did I. The dick punch, I mean.” She steps around me to stand over Armstrong. “From now on, any communication you have with me will be through our lawyers. Don’t contact me directly. I have nothing to say to you. Actually, that’s not true. I have a lot to say to you, but I don’t really think any of it matters anymore because you’re clearly a morally defunct asshole. And for the record, I’m excellent at deep-throating, and I totally would’ve been up for anal.”

Now I want to know what I missed before I arrived.

“Amalie. You can’t—” Armstrong tries to sit up, but he doesn’t seem to be able to coordinate the movement.

“Shut up. Just shut the fuck up. I’m not done.” When he remains silent she continues. “The fact that you wanted me to act like your virgin bride every time we had sex was demeaning and I’ve been faking my orgasms for months. Also, your penis is small. It’s the smallest penis I’ve ever ridden. Or tried to ride. In fact, half the time I wasn’t even sure you were in. And you’re a premature ejaculator. I hope Brittany and whoever else you put your dick in enjoy their two minutes of humping followed by your horrifying orgasms. Let’s go, Lex.”

“Sure thing.”

She breezes past me, her hands curled into fists, eyes on fire.

Armstrong pushes to a sitting position and tries to stand, but he can’t seem to manage getting off his ass. His voice is a low, barely audible rasp. “You bastard. You set me up.”

“That would be very convenient for you, and even if it was true, which it’s not, you screwed yourself, not me. Thanks for fucking up, though. I knew you’d never be able to keep her. And it sure makes it a lot easier for me to be the good guy.”

Amalie honks the horn and I flip Armstrong the bird before I turn around and walk back to the golf cart.

I drop into the driver’s seat. “You okay?”

“I don’t have an answer for that question.”

“Let’s get you out of here.” I put the cart in reverse and turn us around.

Just as we’re about to pull away, Armstrong makes it to the door, still cupping his balls. “Amalie, please! We can work this out. You can’t have her, Lex!”

“I hope your dick is broken forever!” Amalie shoots him the double bird as we zip down the path. She drops her head against the back of the seat as we disappear around a corner. “If I never see his face again it’ll be too soon.”

Amalie helps transfer her bags to the back of the jeep even though I tell her I can manage. I’m glad Armstrong hasn’t followed us out to the lot. I don’t want him to say anything else that could give Amalie the wrong impression. Once the bags are loaded, we get in the jeep and leave the resort lot. I remind myself that right now she needs a friend, and I’m literally the only person she has access to. I can definitely understand how Armstrong might assume I set this entire thing up. If I were him that’s exactly the conclusion I would’ve come to as well. Hell, even my brother thought the same thing.

Amalie pulls her hair up into a high ponytail to keep it from whipping her in the face. “How is this my life?”

“Wanna talk about what happened?”

She sighs and drops her head back against the seat, staring up at the sky for a few long moments before she finally says. “The Whore-ton blow job wasn’t an isolated incident. I think he’s been cheating on me this whole time.”

“Did he admit to that?” I don’t want to push for information she doesn’t want to give, but I’d like some insight as to what exactly happened to make her call me. Considering Armstrong’s history of screwing around with the girls I was seeing in the past, it wouldn’t be much of a stretch to believe he’s been cheating on her right from the start. He doesn’t seem to have a moral compass of any kind when it comes to relationships.

Her sunglasses don’t hide the tear tracking down her cheek. She swipes at it with frustration. “He said he hasn’t slept with anyone but me since we’ve been together. Or kissed anyone. He also said blow jobs don’t qualify as cheating.”

I grip the wheel tighter, fighting the urge to hit the brakes, turn the jeep around, and finish kicking his ass. “He actually said that? Those are the words he used?”

“Yes. Those are the words. He made it seem like I should expect him to have women on the side. Actually, he implied multiple women. Mistresses in fact. Plural. That it’s just part of how things are and I should be fine with it. What’s wrong with him? What’s wrong with me that I didn’t even know? How could I be blind to the fact that he was screwing around with other women?”

I choose my words carefully. “Armstrong has always been very adept at manipulating situations, Amalie. He’s also good at spinning things in ways that suit him, and he’s very used to getting what he wants.”

“How does one convince himself that a blow job isn’t cheating?” she scoffs.

“I’m sure in his head his argument was convincing.”

Amalie rubs her eyes. “This is such a mess. I don’t understand how he managed to get a passport so quickly.”

“The Mooreheads have connections at the US embassy.” I know this because Griffin had to use them thanks to a lost passport in London last year. It was the same time Bane lost his phone and iPad. That trip was a nightmare.

“Of course they do. I wonder which woman is on his BJ list over there.” She makes an annoyed sound. “I’m so sorry I dragged you into this again, Lexington.”

“Don’t apologize. I got to punch my cousin more than once, and in the dick. It’s probably going to be the highlight of this trip.”

That gets a weak laugh out of her. “Same for me. I can’t believe I did that. I mean, kneeing someone in the balls I get, but I punched him. Hard.”

“Lot of gratification in that, huh?”

“I should feel some kind of remorse, but I really don’t.”

“Same.”

It doesn’t take long to get back to my resort. I park near the concierge and motion to the bungalows on stilts out on the water. “You have two options, you can either stay out there, or in one of the beachfront villas.”

“This is where I wanted to stay when we booked the trip.” She jumps down and closes the door. “Where are you?”

I nod toward the water. “I’m out there.”

“Would it be okay if I stay there, too?”

For a split second I think she means that she wants to stay with me. Which would not be a good idea at all. I am well aware that if she stays in my bungalow I will most definitely fuck her. She’s too much of a temptation and I’m compelled to flirt with her. She’s also under far too much emotional stress and much too vulnerable to make good decisions, and I sure as hell don’t want to end up as a bad one.

I must be silent for too long, because she looks away and fidgets with her purse strap. “You don’t have to entertain me or anything. I know you’re here to work. I won’t be a problem. Just . . . in case Armstrong tries to find me, or wants to talk again, I’d feel safer knowing you were close.”

“It’s fine. And it’s exactly what I was thinking, about you being safe, I mean. Although, I don’t know how much I actually have to worry since you seem to be able to defend yourself fairly well.”

She smiles and ducks her head as we cross the lot to check her in at the concierge. “I had to take self-defense courses as part of a punishment when I was a teenager. Turns out I actually liked them.”

“As punishment? What the hell did you do that would make self-defense classes a punishment?”

“It’s a long story. One I don’t usually tell unless I’m really drunk.”

“Huh. Interesting. Remind me to get you really drunk later.”

“I have a feeling that won’t be difficult. I plan to consume copious quantities of booze in hopes of erasing the past year from my memory.”

And we’re back to Armstrong and his assholery. For someone as smart as Amalie seems to be, I have a hard time understanding how she managed to fall for his bullshit in the first place. It’s not a question I feel I have the right to ask just yet, though.

Owning the resort means it’s easy to secure an over-water bungalow for Amalie when we’re typically fully booked a year in advance. Interestingly, the one beside mine just happens to be empty for the next week. Very convenient. I’m sure we can shift the guests around so she can stay there as long as she wants. I help Amalie bring her bags out to the bungalow. The bed—a massive king—is set in such a way that it provides an unobstructed view of the inactive volcano across the water. The bar fridge is stocked and a bowl of fruit sits in the center of the small table.

“Everything will be taken care of, all your food, drink, everything’s included while you’re here and feel free to take advantage of the spa. I’ll have credits applied to your room so you can use it whenever you want.” I open the sliding doors and we step out onto the deck.

“That’s not necessary. You’ve been more than generous bringing me here.”

“Consider it market research. We need to update the service list, and your experiences will help me make better decisions on what changes should be implemented.” I point to the left, at the neighboring bungalow. “That’s me, right there. I have to attend a meeting shortly, but I’ll be back later this evening, just knock on my door if you need anything.”

“Right. Of course. Thank you again for your kindness.” Amalie closes the gap between us and wraps her arms around my waist. She’s wearing flip-flops instead of heels, so the top of her head doesn’t even reach my chin.

I return the embrace, enjoying the feel of her body against mine. I’d like to stay with her and help her settle in, but I have a meeting to prepare for. I can check on her when I get back. She looks a little lost when I leave, and I hate to admit it, but I kind of like the way she seems to need me.

Eleven: Martini Mouth

Lexington

My afternoon meeting turns into dinner and drinks with several of the managerial staff and a few of the high-rolling clients who frequent the resort on a regular basis.

My father sending me here is a big deal. While it gets me out of the line of fire for Armstrong’s bullshit, it’s also his way of telling me, not so subtly, that he’d like to see me up my game. Until the past six months, he thought I was coasting.

I can attribute it in part to my mother’s illness, and it’s for that reason that my father hasn’t really pushed for more from me. Until now. But the truth is, it’s more than that. Griffin is good at what he does, but he’s quiet and the people part of the business isn’t really his thing. Bancroft shows promise in the renovation side of the business, but he doesn’t want to head the company. I’m the one my dad is relying on to keep the Mills empire running when he’s set to retire. It’s what I want, even if I haven’t been particularly good at expressing it up until now.

That’s a lot of responsibility for me since I’ve been seen as a fuck-up for most of my life, thanks to my constant battles with Armstrong. He’s done a great job of making me look incompetent, and more often than not, I’ve fed right into the games he played. It hasn’t been helpful in restoring my father’s faith in my ability to manage this business with a level head. He worries about me being reactive, which has been a valid concern.

Bancroft joining the team last year has pushed me to look at how I haven’t been doing my best. I don’t want to let my father down, and more than that, I don’t want to let myself down. This is my opportunity to demonstrate to him, and myself, that I’ll be able to take over the business when he retires. It’s not that I was a complete slacker until recently, it was more that I was used to getting great results without putting in maximum effort. That’s changed, though. I see how hard Bane works, and I recognize that if I put in the same amount of effort, we’d see even greater results. It’s not a competition, it’s a collaboration.

My father will never walk away fully, but my mother’s cancer scare has made him realize just how important she is, and that he doesn’t want to miss out on these years because he still feels compelled to work seventy hours a week. There’s some good in the bad, I suppose.

It’s late by the time I return to the resort. I’d like to check on Amalie, but her bungalow is dark. I don’t want to bother her if she’s sleeping. Still wired from the day, I change and head to the bar for a quick drink.

The nightlife here is always on point. Unlike Amalie’s previous resort, this place isn’t all couples and honeymooners, although there are plenty of them. Singles come here for a getaway. Families and their nannies will spend two weeks enjoying the sun and scenery. It’s a mixed group, which makes it a better option for those who are unattached.

I was born to socialize. In high school I had friends in every group. I had connections with the potheads; I spent time with the rockers and always went to dive bars to listen to them play; I was tight with the study nerds, the kids in metal shop, the drama geeks, you name it, I could find a way to relate. It’s why my father sends me on these trips. Beyond the fact that I’m unattached and he doesn’t need to worry about taking me away from someone important, I’m good at schmoozing. People like to talk to me. It’s as much a gift as it is a curse.

I make my way to the bar and watch people interact. Singles mingle and flirt, couples and honeymooners close-talk, eyes straying to the people on the dance floor. It’s loud in here. I survey the length of the bar and take note of the familiar long wavy blond hair. Amalie.

She’s not hiding out in her room. She’s angled toward the man leaning on the bar next to her. His intentions are clear in the way his eyes roam over her body when she crosses her legs. Nope. No fucking way am I going to allow some random douche to hook up with her.

As I close in on them I notice a few things. Her dress is a second skin, clinging to her toned, luscious body. I have my doubts Armstrong would approve of her wearing something like this in public. And I get why. I wouldn’t want anyone else to see her in something quite so provocative unless she’s hanging off my arm, and everyone in the room knows she’s off-limits.

I move in behind her, sizing up the guy flirting with her. He glances up at me, gives me one of those conspiratorial smiles that says, Watch me bag this one. I keep my gaze locked on his as I lean down until my mouth is at her ear. “Having a good time?”

Amalie gasps and spins around. Sweet mother of fuck. She looks like sin. The neckline of the dress plunges low, giving me an incredible view of her cleavage. And the dress, if it even qualifies as one, is white. And so very, very short. I bet when she stands up it barely covers her ass. Her lips are glossy pink and pouty, and those pretty blue eyes find mine.

She bites her lip, and then her tongue peeks out as a slow smile spreads across her face. She puts a hand on my chest. “Lexington. You’re here.” She makes a fist and taps on my chest. “I knocked but no one answered.” She turns back to her friend, her hand still on me. “Rick. Rich. Ricky?”

His smile is stiff. “It’s Eric.”

“Right! Eric.” She smacks her forehead and giggles. “I’m so bad with names. Eric, this is Lex. He’s my friend. He’s so nice to me. He punched my husband in the dick today.” She leans into me, her head resting on my pec as she looks up, smiling. “It was so sweet. You’re so sweet.” She pats my cheek. I wonder if she might be a little tipsy.

Eric’s smug smile drops. “Husband?”

Amalie waves a floppy hand around in the air. “Non-husband. Or he will be when he signs the annulment papers. He got a blow job at our wedding, not from me.”

“Eric, could you excuse us, please.” I smile, but it’s not friendly at all.

“He doesn’t have to go.” Amalie frowns and turns to Eric. “You don’t have to go. He’s being rude.”

He glances from Amalie to me and back again. He seems to realize that his conquest is over. “Nice to meet you, Emily. Maybe I’ll see you around.”

I move into his now-vacant seat. “Emily?”

“He got it wrong the first time and I didn’t feel like correcting him.” She sips her martini. “Why’d you send him away? I liked him. He was a good listener.” She crooks a finger and beckons me closer. “I think Eric wanted to fuck me.”

“Oh, and why do you think that?” Of course he wants to fuck her. Every guy in this room wants to, married, single, almost dead, it doesn’t matter, as long as he has a dick and it’ll get hard, they want to get in her. Myself included.

“Well.” Amalie props her chin on her fist. “He said he wanted to fuck me, so that’s how I know.”

“He what?” I scan the bar, looking for Eric, who I’d like to punch now, but Amalie fists my shirt, drawing my attention back to her.

Her eyes bounce around my face. “Do you wanna fuck me?” She drags her fingertips down my cheek. “God you’re so hot. Why’re you so hot? Did I say that aloud? I did. I can hear myself talking. That was supposed to be in my head.”

I cup her chin. “How many drinks did you have?”

“Just two? Fuck-me Eric bought me one and I had one before that on my own. Wasn’t that nice? What time is it?”

“It’s an all-inclusive resort, Amalie, he didn’t buy you anything.”

“Oh, right. Hmm. Well, now I’m less impressed.”

I laugh, because I’m not sure how to gauge her right now. She’s definitely tipsy, but not full-out drunk as far I can tell. “I’m going to get you some water, okay?”

“That’s probably a very good idea. I spent a lot of time in the sun today. Water might help me keep my inside thoughts from coming out of my mouth.”

“I like it when your inside thoughts come out of your mouth.” I signal the bartender and order water. A few drinks is understandable after what she’s been through. Although, I would prefer if she didn’t get drunk without me around to keep her safe. She’s far too vulnerable to be left to her own devices.

“Of course you do. All my inside thoughts about you are filthy.” She makes a face, like maybe she didn’t mean to say that.

I push anyway, because tipsy, filterless Amalie is fun, as long as her lack of filter isn’t directed at douches like Fuck-me Eric. “Is that right? How filthy are we talking?”

“I think I should take a vow of silence for the rest of the night. Talking to you is going to get me into trouble.” The bartender sets a glass of water in front of her. “Oh! Thank you.” She drains the glass in three long gulps. I wait until she’s done before I introduce them.

“Declan, this is Amalie. She’s a personal friend, here on vacation from New York. Amalie, this is Declan, the head bartender.”

“Hi.” Her hand shoots out. “Excuse my rudeness. It’s so nice to meet you.”

The bartender gives me a questioning look but takes her hand and kisses her knuckle. My expression must tell him I’m not pleased because he releases it quickly and offers her a refill.

I sit at the bar and chat with people most nights, but I don’t get involved with guests. That’s bad for business. Amalie isn’t a typical guest, though, and I’m taking it upon myself to make her well-being my priority.

Declan sets a fresh glass of water in front of Amalie.

“Thank you. I didn’t even realize how thirsty I was. Plus, if I’m chugging water it saves me from saying more incriminating things to this one.” She thumbs over her shoulder and pokes me in the chest. “He already knows he’s hot, so he doesn’t really need me to tell him. But seriously, so hot.” She raises her glass, takes a few small sips and chugs the rest. She frowns as the ice cubes clink in the bottom, then turns to me. “I don’t think the water is helping me censor myself the way I’d hoped.”

A few stray hairs stick to her glossy lips. I carefully pull them away, skimming her cheek. “I think we’ve already established that I don’t mind your lack of censor.”

Her eyes flutter shut, fingers coming up to graze the back of my hand. “When you touch me like that I feel it right between my . . .” Her eyes pop open and she purses her lip. I’m disappointed I don’t get to hear the end of that sentence. “I should probably go back to my room before my mouth embarrasses me more than it already has. I’m not always this unstable. I promise I don’t do this all the time. The drama or the martinis.”

I fight to keep my smile from turning into a laugh. “Would you like me to walk you back to your bungalow?”

“You don’t have to do that. I’ll be fine.”

“There’s that word again. Let me make sure you’re safe, Amalie.”

Her eyes are wide and searching. “You’re so nice to me. Why’re you so nice?”

“Do I need to have a reason?”

I hold out a hand and she places her warm hand in mine as she slips off her chair. Her hands are delicate, just like her face.

Her heel catches though, so she stumbles forward, grabbing for my bicep as she steadies herself. “I’m not drunk, these heels are just new.”

“However you want to spin it.”

“Seriously. It’s the first time I’ve worn them.” She uses the edge of the bar for balance and adjusts the strap at her heel.

“I’m not judging.” But I sure am checking her out.

I don’t want to think about what might’ve happened with Fuck-Me Eric if I hadn’t shown up when I did, though. I don’t know Amalie well enough to be able to say with any certainty how compromised her decision-making is when she’s been drinking and under stress apart from at her wedding, and those were extreme circumstances.

I nod to the staff as we make our way through the lobby and outside into the warm night air, my arm threaded through hers to help keep her steady. She’s watching her feet, her steps deliberate as we descend the stairs.

“Hold on.” She pulls me to a stop and pets my arm. “This is pretty. I mean the tattoos, not your arm, well that’s pretty, too, but the art is nice. I like it. It’s sexy just like the rest of you.” She blinks up at me with a grin. “Sexy Lexy.”

“That’s the only time you get to call me that.” I think I like her with her guard down.

“Really? I thought it was a great nickname.” She shakes her head. “Oh! Sorry. I’m a little distracted tonight.” Her breasts press against my arm as she lifts her foot and takes off one shoe and then the other. “These are giving me blisters.”

“Probably safer this way, considering the hazards of the deck boards. The last thing you need is a twisted ankle.”

“God, that would be awful. Thanks for this. Again. I’m going to owe you so many favors.”

My mind makes every single one of those sexual in nature. “Your company is favor enough.”

“Does it get lonely, being somewhere so beautiful, surrounded by all these couples? Especially since you’re here on business and not just for fun?”

“Most of the time I’m too busy to think about it, but downtime can be a challenge. I can’t really go to the bar just to have a drink and unwind. I’m always on, unless I’m in my suite, and then I’m on my own.”

“That sounds depressing.”

“It’s not really that bad. Most of the time it’s all work with a beautiful backdrop.”

Amie stumbles and I tighten my hold on her.

“Ow! Shit! I stubbed my toe!”

“You’re having a rough night, aren’t you?”

“Seems to be a trend for me.” She hobbles the last few feet to her bungalow. It takes her a few seconds of rooting around in her purse to find her keycard and open the door. She drops everything on the floor and makes her way cautiously to the bed. Spinning around, she flops down on the mattress, her skirt riding obscenely high, her legs parted enough that I have a very, very clear view of the scrap of fabric between her thighs. It’s pale pink. Lacy. I’m assuming it’s probably a thong since I didn’t notice panty lines in the bar when I was checking out her ass.

I probably shouldn’t be in here with her right now. Not while she’s under the influence of martinis, and not while I’m thinking about how easy it would be to push that tiny skirt up over her hips and yank those panties down her thighs. What I should do is go back to my own bungalow and rub one out in the shower. But it’s not really all that appealing.

“I can see up your skirt.”

She presses her knees together and tugs on the hem. “I’m wearing panties.”

“I know.”

Her eyes light up with mischief. “They’re pink.”

I cough. I have to fight with my body to stay on this side of the room. I head for the fridge and grab a bottle of water. “I know that, too.”

“Did you know that Armstrong only likes white lingerie? Or at least on me he does. Did. He liked to pretend he was conquering a virgin every time we have sex. Had sex. Because we will not have sex ever again.”

Amen to that. I can totally understand the allure of Amalie in white. She has a sweet face. Pair her delicate features and curvy, lean body with white lingerie and she would be the perfect picture of sexy innocence. I, on the other hand, can also appreciate how hot she’d look in black lace, or leather, or any other color and fabric combination the lingerie industry can come up with. I don’t say any of these things, because I think it would be a bad idea to express my opinion on this. Instead, I say, “Armstrong is an asshole.”

“That he is. And I married him. I don’t even know what I was thinking. On the bright side, at least I don’t have to fake orgasms anymore.” She pushes up on her elbows and blows her hair out of her face. “My toe really hurts.”

She really is all over the place. Although, I can’t blame her for being that way considering the day she’s had. Straightening her leg, but keeping her knees together, she inspects her foot. “Oh, wow! I’m bleeding! Check it out!”

As I move closer, she lowers her foot enough that I can see the red pooling in the nail bed of her big toe. It’s a significant amount of blood.

“I think I cracked the nail.” She brings her knee to her chest so she can get a better look, giving me, once again, an excellent view of her panties.

“Amalie.” I close my eyes. Fuck. My dick is pretty goddamn desperate to get out of my pants right now and into what’s under that pale pink satin and lace.

“Oh yeah, the nail is definitely cracked. Ooooh. It’s pretty gross. Why’re your eyes closed? Are you afraid of blood?” I motion to her with one lid half-open. “Your panties.”

“You’re afraid of my panties?”

I give up on not looking and pointedly glance at her crotch. She drops her gaze. “Oh. Oops.” Closing her legs, she reaches over to the nightstand and grabs a tissue, dabbing at her toe while she sucks in a breath.

Part of me wishes I hadn’t pointed out the panty display. “Does it hurt?”

“Yeah, but probably only because I can see the damage. This is like, way bad.”

“Is that your clinical diagnosis?”

She gives me the eye. “You know, you could be helpful by getting me the first aid kit instead of standing there, poking fun at me when I’m bleeding to death over here.”

“Dramatic much? And if I do that I might miss out on you flashing me your panties.”

“You’re the one who keeps telling me to close my legs. Make up your mind, Lexington, do you or don’t you?”

I can’t tell if she’s baiting me or not. This isn’t the Amalie I’ve dealt with at family functions and events over the past year. That woman is poised and controlled. She’s polite, sweet, warm and yet a bit reserved. This version is brazen, lippy, and fucking hot. I want to know which one is the real her. Or maybe it’s both. Maybe this is the Anarchy Amie she was referring to on the plane. The one who wears obscenely short dresses and picks up guys named Fuck-me Eric at bars, then flashes her panties.

“I’ll get the first-aid kit.” I toss the bottle of water on the bed and cross through to the bathroom. There’s one in every linen closet for such emergencies. I pause for a moment when I cross the threshold. It’s like a woman’s makeup case vomited all over the vanity.

But that’s not where my attention goes. It’s the glass dildo with the spiral of pink through the center, one end round, the other torpedo shaped, the length of it textured, sitting on a hand towel. A small travel bottle of cleaning solution sits beside it. Did she clean it because she used it recently, or because those security guards put their hands on pretty much everything in her carry-on?

My hard-on is raging now, and requires adjusting. I don’t know how I’m going to make it through the next ten minutes without doing something I shouldn’t, let alone the next two weeks. But God, do I ever want to. And if I’m reading her correctly, she would like very much to show me what’s under those pretty pink panties.

Sex with Amalie is probably a bad call. Picking her up from the other resort will inevitably cause more problems. Armstrong—paranoid dickwad that he is—will definitely believe that this was planned and he’ll likely convey that to Gwendolyn, who will inevitably say something to my mother. The reality is, I’ve done just as many reprehensible things to him as he’s done to me over the years.

But this is different. I’m not stealing something he thinks is his. He fucked this up. He ruined the good thing he had. That’s not my fault. And if I’m completely honest with myself, I don’t want the Fuck-Me Erics on this resort to get anywhere near her again. If she keeps pushing I’m likely to break, and I think I might be okay with that.

“Did you find the first-aid kit?” Amalie calls from the other room.

“Yup. Got it.” I bring it back to the main room, along with a towel so she doesn’t get blood on the sheets. Amalie’s sitting on the edge of the bed, inspecting her big toe. I notice the water bottle has been opened and most of the contents have disappeared, which is good. I drop the case on the bed and flip it open, plucking out the things I need. I tap her hip. “Scoot back and let me take a look.”

“I can handle it.”

“So can I.”

She smiles wickedly. “Is this your way of getting in bed with me?”

I slip an arm under her knees and one behind her back, lifting her until she’s settled against the pillows. I edge a knee between hers, holding myself above her. What the fuck am I doing? Her eyes are wide, full of surprise and heat. Longing and maybe just a hint of uncertainty follow. “Is that what you want, Amie? Me in your bed?”

She bites her lip, teeth pressing gently into the skin as she regards me. “What if I do?”

“That’s the martinis talking,” I whisper, trying to make it a joke when what I really want is to just give in.

“It’s not the martinis talking,” she whispers.

“What if tomorrow I’m a mistake you can’t take back?” I sit back on my heels and press her knees together. I run my hands down the back of her calves. Her skin is so smooth, soft, warm.

When her eyes drop I know I have my answer. I might want her, and she might think she wants me, but I don’t want to be her regrettable decision. Not the kind she wants to erase like the last year of her life. I lift her foot and set it on my thigh, taking in the damage.

“What’re you doing?”

“Taking care of your toe, like I said I would.” It really is a mess. The nail is cracked in half and there’s a piece missing. It needs to be disinfected, clipped, and bandaged.

I pick up the antiseptic spray and Amalie tries to jerk her foot from my grasp.

“You can’t use that! It’ll hurt.”

“It’ll be fine. This needs to be cleaned.” I give it a couple of quick squirts.

Amalie shrieks like I’ve just sprayed her with acid and then her mouth turns down. “Oh. That wasn’t so bad.”

I chuckle at her chagrined expression. “I told you it would be fine.”

“Yeah, but fine usually means the exact opposite, so I expected it to be not fine.”

“In this case fine doesn’t have an alternate meaning. I’m going to clean up the nail so it’s not so jagged, okay?” This is easier to deal with. The taking care of her part I can manage, when there’s a task to focus on, so I’m distracted from the other, less acceptable things I want to do to her.

“Okay.” She exhales quickly, then pulls her other leg up to her chest, tucking her toes under her knee, obstructing any view I might have of those damn panties.

I get out the little pair of scissors, and the first snip is fine, but she jumps at the next one. “Amalie. You need to hold still.”

“It hurts!”

“Stop looking and it’ll hurt less.”

“I hate you right now.” She flops back on the bed and grabs a pillow, pulling it over her head. It’s pretty entertaining. She stretches out her other leg and tucks it under mine, her toes digging in as I keep clipping the nail back as far as I can, smoothing out the rough edge.

I have a feeling she should probably have this looked at, but we’ll know better in the morning when the bleeding has stopped. Or she’ll know, since I won’t be here by then.

Once I’m finished, I wrap it in gauze so she doesn’t catch it in her sleep or bleed on the sheets. I pat her knee. “All done.”

One eye peeks out from under the pillow. “That’s it?”

“That’s it.” I put everything back into the first-aid kit and move to the edge of the bed.

“Where’re you going?”

I pause. “To put this away.”

Amalie starts to pull her knees up to her chest, but thinks better of it. “Are you going to leave after that?”

I should. Definitely. “Do you want me to?”

With a shake of her head she tucks her hair behind her ear. “I was alone all day. I don’t want to be alone again. Yet.” And there it is, that innocent look. I wonder if she even realizes the kind of power she has, or if she’s oblivious to it.

“I’ll stay for a while on one condition.”

Her tongue peeks out and a small smile curves those luscious lips. “What’s that?”

“You change out of this dress.”

“What’s wrong with my dress?”

“Absolutely everything.”

She looks down at herself with a frown. “I thought it looked . . . nice.”

“Nice is not the word I would use to describe this.” I motion to the dress.

Her mouth drops open, then snaps shut in irritation. “It’s sexy!”

“Ya think?” Before I really consider my actions I slip my hands under the backs of her knees and bend them, giving me an incredible view of those motherfucking panties. I hold her knees tight together, otherwise I’m going to find myself between her legs. “I’m human, Amie, I can only behave myself for so long.”

“Maybe I don’t want you to behave.” I can feel pressure on my palms, as if she’s trying to push her knees apart.

“Amie.” It’s as much as warning as a plea.

She places her hands over mine, keeping them there. “Did you really mean what you said?”

“Probably, I don’t have a reason to lie to you, but it would help if I knew what exactly you’re referring to.” I’ve said a lot of things that I probably shouldn’t have tonight, on the plane, the night of her wedding.

“That ‘no was the last thing you wanted to say.’” She drops her head. “Or were you just being nice? Is that what you’re doing now?”

“You think this is me being nice?”

She lifts her shoulder and lets it fall. I don’t know how to read her, one second she’s pushing all my buttons and the next she’s timid and uncertain.

“I shouldn’t have said that.” Her face falls so I elaborate. “About ‘no being the last thing I wanted to say.’ That wasn’t fair to you.”

How badly had I wanted to say fuck it and get in her then? It feels like a lifetime ago, not days. But the memories, the sensations, they’re all still vivid; the feel of her body on me and under me. The taste of her tongue, bathed in champagne and desperation, her pleas, her tears, her humiliation, and her anger. God her fury was stunning, but her devastation was sobering.

Her blond hair falls, covering her face. She tries to pull away, but I’m still holding on to her legs.

“I meant it. I didn’t want to say no. But I would’ve been an asshole if I hadn’t. I would be an asshole right now if I didn’t at least attempt to control myself.”

Her bottom lip is caught between her teeth for a moment. “You’re just being nice again.”

My laugh is dark. “I’m really not that nice.”

She traces the edge of my fingers pressed against her skin. “You’ve been nice to me.”

“It’s very self-serving, Amalie.”

She tips her head up, defiance in her gaze. “How?”

“Look where I am right now.” I motion to her bed. “I don’t want anyone else to be invited back here.”

“Why not?”

“You’re vulnerable and you’ve been drinking.”

“I had two martinis and too much sun. I’ve consumed a gallon of water in the past half hour. I know what I’m doing right now.”

I don’t know why I’m being such a pussy about this, why I can’t commit one way or another to a decision. Do or don’t. Give in or get out. “Regardless, I can’t knowingly take advantage of you, not when you’ve been hurt the way you have.”

“I don’t need you to protect my poor heart, Lex.” Anger makes the words sharp. “I’m not about to let anyone else get near it after what Armstrong did to me. The least you can do is stop chasing guys away and let me get laid while I’m here instead of sending all these mixed signals and messing with my head. It’s already messed up enough.”

“I’m not letting some random douche take advantage of you.”

“What if I want to be taken advantage of?” She heaves a frustrated sigh. “That didn’t come out right. I’m on an island, on what’s supposed to be my honeymoon. I should be fucking my brains out, having the best sex of my life, but instead I’m hanging out at the bar alone, getting hit on by questionably sleazy guys who can probably sense how messed up I am, and then I’m forced to come back here and get myself off. Also alone. I don’t want to be alone. I don’t want to think about how fucked up my life is. I just want to get laid. I just want to feel something other than this goddamn emptiness that’s sucking all the fucking fun out of this trip.”

“You just wanna get laid?” Out of everything I could’ve taken from that, this is a bad question to lead with. The worst and the best question ever. But fuck it. There’s no way I’m letting another nameless Fuck-me Eric have her. If anyone’s going to get to put their hands on her it’s going to be me. She has two weeks left here. She should enjoy it. And if she wants me to, I’m going to make sure that happens, and that it includes lots of orgasms. And toys if she’ll let me into her tickle trunk.

“Yes, I want to get laid!” She throws her hands up in the air. “I’m tired of seeing all these happy couples, knowing they’re all going back to their little huts to fuck their faces off and I don’t get to.”

“Do you want me to fix that for you?”

Amalie’s eyes go wide as I move in closer.

“If you’d like some assistance with the fucking your face off part, I’d be happy to help out.” I loosen my tie.

She pushes on my chest. “Don’t play with me!”

I grab her hand and fit myself between her legs, pressing my hips into hers. I’m hard. I’ve been hard since I walked into the bar and saw her in this skimpy little nothing of a dress. Her mouth drops open.

“I’m assuming you can feel that.” I roll my hips, just to be clear what that is.

“Yes.”

I lower my head so my lips are inches from hers. “What does that feel like to you, Amie?”

“It feels l-like—”

“—like I’m playing you?” I skim the length of her throat with my free hand.

“No.” It’s the softest whisper.

“Does it feel like I’m being nice?” I rest a finger under her chin and tip it up so she meets my gaze. “I assure you, there’s nothing nice about the things I want to do to you, the ways I want to have you.”

“Oh. Well, that’s good to know.” The wide eyes and innocent stare morph into the same wild look I caught a glimpse of in her bridal suite. “Because I’m pretty sick and fucking tired of nice, polite sex.”

She grabs the back of my neck and pulls my mouth to hers. It’s not a soft, gentle kiss. It’s sure as fuck not polite. It’s tongues battling, her nails digging in to my skin, lips fusing, fire in my veins invoking. Her tongue finds mine, aggressive and searching. She slides her hands down my chest and works on my belt buckle. Jerking hard on the clasp, she whips it through the loops, tossing it on the floor.

Amie yanks my shirt free from my pants, then pushes on my chest, breaking the kiss. For a brief moment I think maybe she’s decided this is a mistake. But then she says, “Sorry about your shirt.” Instead of unbuttoning it, she grips the sides and pulls. A couple of buttons pop off. She does it again, and this time the rest of them come free apart from the two at the top since my tie is still around my neck. “Hmm. Didn’t work as well as I’d planned.”

I laugh and sit back on my heels, loosening my tie enough that I can unfasten the remaining buttons. Before I can remove the tie, Amie’s there to push my shirt over my shoulders.

“Look at you.” Her tongue peeks out as she drags her manicured nails across my chest and down my stomach.

The muscles jump under the lightness of her touch.

Her eyes flip up to mine. “Are you flexing?”

I shrug. Maybe a little.

“God. You’re so . . . Look at all these ridges.” She sighs when she reaches the waist of my pants. Eyes flipping up to mine, her smile is anything but innocent as she pops the button and drags down the zipper, chest rising and falling faster with each breath. I need to get her out of this dress.

Amalie keeps her gaze focused on where her hands are. She drags my pants and boxers over my hips. My dick, which is already really fucking hard, springs free.

“Oh,” she breathes. “Wow.”

I chuckle.

Her fingers flutter to her mouth and she lifts those wide, shocked eyes. “That’s, um . . . God.”

“If that’s what you want to call him, go right ahead.” I shove my pants and boxers off the rest of the way, leaving them in a heap on the comforter.

She brushes her fingers along the length. “I wasn’t sure if I’d exaggerated to Ruby when I told her about this, you know, when you flashed everyone at the Halloween soirée? It’s good to know I didn’t.”

She rises up on her knees, her dress hiked to her hips, those pretty pink panties totally on display now. Amalie pulls the cuffs of my shirt free from my wrists, then pats the pillow behind her. “You come here.” She takes me by the shoulders, encouraging me to lie where she was a second ago.

I don’t argue. She’s had little control over the things that have happened during the past week, so if she’s looking for power, she can sure as hell have it. As soon as I’m reclined on the pillows she lowers the zipper on her dress and lifts it over her head.

She’s braless, which I should’ve expected with the cleavage she’s rocking, and my cock jerks at the sight of her nipples. All that’s left is the pink lace panties with pale gray satin ribbons woven at the edges. Everything about her is fucking perfect.

Her expression is the tiniest bit uncertain until I wrap my hand around my cock and give it a slow stroke. “How long are you planning to torture me from over there?”

That gets a grin out of her. She hooks a finger under the lace band around her waist and drags it slowly over her hips and down her thighs.

This woman is a goddamn vision. She’s tanned and toned, long legs and sexy curves. And that sweet, bare pussy. I bet she tastes as amazing as she looks. “Fuck, your body,” I mutter.

“That’s the plan,” she says as she drops a knee beside my thigh and straddles my hips.

She traces my lips with her fingers and whispers, “Open.”

So I do, without thinking, because she’s gorgeous and naked and looking to ride my cock.

She slips her fingertip into my mouth. “Suck.”

I chuckle, but do as she asks, watching her teeth press into her lip. She trades her index finger for her middle finger, so I suck that, too. I don’t know why it takes me until she drops her hand, ready to hit the sweet spot between her thighs, to clue in to what she’s doing.

“Oh, hell no.” I grab her hand and latch onto the other one, too, just to be safe.

Her irritated confusion is fucking adorable. “What’re you doing?”

“If I’m fucking you, I’m prepping you. I get to do that.” She’s all delicate bones and narrow wrists, so I can easily hold them with one hand.

This time I’m the one slipping a finger into her mouth, telling her to suck. And she does. Her cheeks hollow out, and I think about what her mouth will feel like wrapped around my cock. Hopefully we’ll have a chance to get to that later. I drag a single finger along her slit, circling her clit a few times before I go lower and find her hot and wet. Easing in, I watch her mouth drop open and her lids lower.

After a few slow pumps, I add a second finger, and curl forward, getting the sweetest moan in response. I release her hands and lean in to suck one of those pretty little nipples of hers into my mouth while I rub on her clit with my thumb.

She breathes out, “Oh God,” and threads her fingers through my hair, keeping my mouth locked around her nipple.

“You still want me to fuck you.” It’s mostly a statement and not a question.

“You better not be thinking about stopping now.”

I chuckle and fumble around for my pants, which are thankfully still on the bed and search for my wallet. I still have my fingers inside her and I’m trying to maintain some kind of rhythm since every pump and curl causes her to moan. Flipping my wallet open, I find a pair of condoms. Amalie tears one free. Using her teeth, she rips it open and then rolls it on. She nudges my hand out of the way so she can run the head over her clit. And then she sinks down.

Her sharp inhalation and the way her eyes widen are a good indicator she’s taking it too fast.

I grab onto her hips to keep her still and steady. Sweet mother of fuck, she feels incredible. “Easy. I don’t want to break this perfect pussy.”

She snorts and rolls her eyes, but she doesn’t fight my hold. I lower her slowly, watching my cock disappear inside her until her ass rests on my thighs. Amalie’s nails dig into my shoulders and she makes a delicious, needy sound.

“See, I’m not broken,” she says, all soft-sweet.

“You’re fucking incredible.” A perfect, snug place to keep my cock buried.

She lets out this breathy little laugh.

I trail my fingers over her breast, gently skimming her nipple. “You ready to be fucked?”

Her cheeks flush, and then her lip curls up at the corner. “Are you?”

“Fuck yeah.” I lace my hands behind my head and lean back against the pillows. “Have at it, baby.”

She snorts. “Could you be any more cocky?”

“I don’t know, you’re the one who’s full of mine, you tell me.”

“You should shut up and just lie there and look good so you don’t ruin this for me.”

I’m about to give her some of that sass back, but she clamps a hand over my mouth. She leans in close, until her nipples brush my chest. “Shh. The only thing you should be doing with that mouth is kissing me.”

She drops her palm and sucks on my bottom lip while she rolls her hips. “Oh God.” She does it again, her tongue sweeping my mouth at the same pace as she rocks in my lap. She goes slow at first, but it doesn’t take long for her seek more friction, swiveling faster, rocking harder.

“Jesus. That just . . . oh God. I can feel that right—” She stops talking against my lips. Gripping one shoulder, she pushes back enough so she can see me clearly and I can see her. She grabs my jaw with the other hand, her eyes are wide, shock and desire making them bright. “I can’t—every time, you’re hitting that spot every damn time.”

She makes this noise as she shifts again—if pleasure was a sound, this would be it.

“Are you gonna come?” I ask.

“I-I-I—” She trembles violently.

I grab her hips on the next roll and shift as she grinds down.

“Oh, fuck,” she groans. “Do that again.”

“Do this?” I lift her up a couple of inches and drop her back down.

“Again,” she orders.

I’m all about pleasing her, so I comply.

Her mouth is less than an inch from mine. “Harder.”

I grip her hips, feel the tension in her body, the way she’s fighting against me. “Harder?”

“Fuck me like you’re supposed to,” she grits through clamped teeth, her frustration obvious, but it’s more than that. She’s so close to coming.

I stop holding her back. Instead, I help pull her down as I lift my hips.

Her eyes go wide. “Yessss.”

“Again?” I ask.

“Just like that.”

And so I do. And she comes. Violently. Her nails dig in, cutting my skin. She has absolutely no control over her body, so I keep pumping while she shakes and chants oh God, oh God, oh God. She’s gorgeous when she’s falling apart.

I grab her chin. “Look at me.”

She struggles to open her eyes, but eventually she manages to lift her lids and meet my gaze.

“Who’s fucking you?”

She shudders. “You are.”

“Who made you come?”

She blinks, slow and hazy. “You did.”

“Wanna come again?”

Her eyes go wide again. “Oh God.”

I grab her ass and flip her over so I’m on top. “He’s not gonna save you from me, baby.” And I make her come again. So hard she bites my shoulder to muffle her scream. I’m close, but I want to see if I can get one more orgasm out of her. I slow it down, grinding against her. Amalie’s hands are in my hair, and then her nails rake down my back and dig into my ass.

“I’m gonna come soon,” I tell her. “You getting close again?”

“I don’t know if I can have another one.”

“You sure as hell can.” I hook my arm under her knee and draw it up, getting another sweet groan out of her when I roll my hips. I keep up the rhythm, slow and steady, watching her face. Her head is thrown back, lips parted, eyes closed tight. With my mouth beside her ear, I whisper, “I can feel you squeezing my cock, you better make it happen soon, baby, ’cause I don’t think I can hold out much longer.”

“Don’t stop doing what you’re doing,” she pleads.

“Want it harder?”

She nods.

“What about faster?”

“Please.”

I slide my fingers into the hair at the nape of her neck and tilt her head down, holding it still as I give her what she wants. I’d say I have about six more thrusts before I’m done for, but with the way she’s started shaking again, and the whimpering moans I’m getting, she’s about to come anyway. I make it to thrust five before the orgasm kicks me in the spine.

I crush my mouth to Amalie’s, swallowing her scream, because she’s coming, too. It’s not a very coordinated kiss. It’s messy and teeth-clashing. It’s want and need. It’s possession. Hers and mine.

Twelve: After the Orgasms

Amie

Well, that just happened.

Lex is still kissing me. It’s slower now, soft, the frantic need having dissipated. I wait for guilt or regret to set in. Something to ruin the peacefulness of the moment, something to break the orgasmic bliss bubble I’m floating around in. But all I feel is the heavenly weightlessness that follows amazing sex.

Once in college I dated a guy for a few weeks who was amazing at sex. And by dated, I mean that we went out a few times and eventually got our fuck on. It wasn’t serious. I knew it never would be. By the time I hit college most of my relationships were casual dates, and if they moved into feelings territory I typically ended it. I never wanted to be my mother, always waiting for my dad to come back from a business trip only to fall apart and run away from him when he returned. It was a punishment for everyone, especially me.

But this man-boy of mine at the time was so, so pretty. And built. But under all the pretty was . . . nothing. No personality. No conversation skills. Just a beautiful outside and an empty inside, like opening a book with a fabulous cover to find the pages bereft of words. Blank page after blank page. It was such a disappointment. The only reason it lasted as long as it did was because he could screw like it was his profession. Actually, it probably should’ve been his job. He knew exactly how to move and every single time we had sex I came. It was amazing.

Except he only had one position. He was a one-trick pony. Any other position but missionary and the orgasm magic died. So no matter how pretty he was, I couldn’t continue to see him and his one-position magic man handle.

But Lex.

Lex.

He sets the bar so high I’m not sure anyone else can or will ever come close to what I just experienced.

I came three times. During sex. That’s like being told unicorns are real. And then actually seeing one.

My stomach rumbles, breaking the silence—well, silent apart from our heavy breathing and my barely audible residual moans every time I have an unexpected, but not unwelcome muscle clench below the waist.

Lex’s lips turn up against mine. The muscles in his shoulders pull tight and his chest flexes as he braces himself on his forearms. He’s sweaty, I’m sweaty, we’re both glistening from the exertion. I glance down, checking out his abs as they ripple. His body is unreal. He should never wear clothes again. Ever.

“Hungry?” He’s grinning.

“That was my vagina asking for more orgasms. We need to know how long it’s going to be before ‘Oh God’ can provide more of those.”

He laughs, then dips down to kiss my chin. “How about I order some food first and we can follow it with more orgasms?”

I purse my lips and consider the offer. I am hungry. “I suppose that would work.”

Lex lifts his hips and I raise mine, keeping the connection for another second or two before he eases out and removes the condom, tying it off and disposing of it. His gaze drops between my legs, which are spread shamelessly wide. He sucks in breath, tongue dragging over his bottom lip.

“On second thought . . .” He smoothes his hands down the inside of my thighs and presses a kiss to my knee.

I close my legs reflexively. “Are you sure you want to—” I don’t finish the sentence. Armstrong would never, ever even consider going to taco town unless I was fresh from the shower.

He pauses, eyes lifting. “Am I sure I want to eat your pussy? Fuck yes, is the answer to that, Amie. I’ve been thinking about it since the other night when you were mostly naked and under me. Unless you’re opposed to my eating you.”

Well then. I lift my hips encouragingly. “I’m definitely not opposed.”

“I didn’t think you would be.” He bites his way down the inside of my thigh, stopping to suck the skin a few times until it blushes a deep pink that might not fade by morning. Not that I care.

I don’t dare look away as those full lips reach the juncture of my thigh and then he brushes them gently over my swollen clit. I moan.

His eyes meet mine as his tongue flicks out, sweeping over the sensitive skin. I buck and grab the comforter, needing some kind of anchor. I have a feeling this man is going to be just as good with his tongue as he is with his cock.

And I’m 100 percent accurate about that. Lex alternates slow, leisurely strokes with sucking, and as soon as I think I’m on the verge of coming, he changes it up, pulls me away from the edge, only to bring me back again, higher and higher each time. When I try to lift my hips his grip on me tightens, and then his fingers—oh God—hit the right spot from inside while he tongues me. I’m so close.

This time I grab onto his hair to keep him where he is. “Make me come,” I order.

He’s stronger than me, by a lot. So it takes less effort than I’d like for him to force his head up while I continue to push down. When it’s clear I’m not going to succeed, I try lifting my hips, but he bars his tattooed arm across my stomach, keeping me pinned. As pretty as it is, I’m far too preoccupied to admire it the way I’d like to.

His smile is sinister. “What was that?”

“I’m so close.” Oh my God, I’m whining. But really, I was right there, my clit practically singing. He must be able to feel it, the way everything is tightening; a coiled spring pulled taut and ready to snap.

The fingers inside me withdraw.

I clench in an attempt to keep them where they are. “No!”

Lex’s chuckle is heavy. “Maybe you should ask nicely.”

I don’t think twice. Not when I’m right on the edge like this. Not when, for the first time in what feels like forever, I’m not responsible for my own goddamn orgasms. Not when I’m having the best sex of my life. “Please, Lex.”

That gets me one finger, which isn’t nearly enough.

“Please what?” His smirk is so infuriating.

I’m totally getting him back for this later. “Please make me come.”

I get a second finger and then a curl.

“Please. Oh God.”

He drops his head, his breath warm against my aching clit. Another finger.

“Fuck, Lex.”

I’m rewarded with the feel of his tongue, followed by teeth and the finger flutter and lastly, mind-bending suction. I come in waves, sensation rolls through me, Lex’s name a scream I can’t control, along with a slew of uncensored profanity. And the orgasm doesn’t stop, it keeps going, stealing my breath, cutting out sound, my vision going white with the intensity.

“My turn.”

I don’t have the time to process that comment, or come down from the insane orgasm high I’m riding. Before I can ask questions, or tell him he’s a god, I find myself being flipped over on my stomach, face mashed into the comforter, not because Lex is doing any mashing, but because my limbs are completely incapable of doing anything constructive since they are currently the consistency of pudding.

“Show me that ass.”

I yelp when that order is accompanied by a swift slap across my left cheek. Lex chuckles, a sound full of cocky arrogance and self-satisfaction. I’d make some kind of snarky retort but I’m still trying to figure out how to use my tongue for things other than random noises. Also, that was an astounding orgasm, so he has a right to be cocky about it.

When I don’t move fast enough, Lex grabs me by the hips and drags me up onto my knees. I make a very weak, sort of pathetic attempt at pushing up on my arms so I’m on all fours, and showing him “that ass,” but my arms are incapable of holding my weight and I drop back to my elbows, resting my forehead on my clasped hands.

“How you feelin’, baby?” He runs his palms over my ass in a wax on, wax off motion again and again.

I try a word, but it comes out garbled.

“What was that?” The press of his hips against me, and the slide of his cock between my ass cheeks, makes me suddenly alert.

I manage to string a bunch of words together, they’re a little slurry, but there’s some snark in there. “I thought we were eating first.”

“I did eat. Now I want to fuck you again.”

My saucy reply gets caught in my throat at the tear of the condom, which is followed by the feel of Lex’s cock sliding low and easing in. I groan and push back until his hips rest against my ass. His fingers trail a line along my spine.

“Ready?”

I nod.

There’s no easy start up. No slow build, no shallow thrusts. Lex grips my hips tight, pulls out, almost all the way, and then slams back in. Over and over, faster and faster, harder and harder. I consider giving my marble a roll, but the thrusting is just too vigorous, and honestly, I’m beyond the point of being able to coordinate the movements. But I can feel the pressure building again, the tightening of muscles, the heat funneling low and building fast.

As if Lex can sense how close I am, he releases one hip, slows down long enough to grab me by the shoulder and haul me up so my back is pressed against his sweaty, hard chest. Instead of resuming the thrust-a-thon, he starts a hard grind.

Running his fingertips down my arm, he takes my hand and brings it up. “Hold on to the back of my neck.”

I do as I’m told, because independent thought has ceased to exist. Also, if he releases me right now, I’ll face-plant back into the comforter. Beyond the other current issues impeding my ability to use full sentences, this position is incredible and it’s pushing me closer to the edge.

Lex anchors me to him using my left boob, and then the other hand, the one on my hip, moves lower and he does the thing I’m too uncoordinated to manage on my own. He circles my clit, slow and hard, grinding to the same rhythm. And I come. Viciously. Like the hardest I think I’ve ever come in my life. I’m a moaning, screaming, boneless mass of useless limbs.

Lex must’ve come too, because I find myself back on the bed, him stretched out on top of me.

“Holy hot damn,” I groan.

“Sounds about right.” His lips are on my shoulder, soft, warm, a stark contrast the way he just fucked me.

We lay there for a good minute, or seven, or an hour—I’m too sated to know or care—before he rolls off me. My hair is in my face, I blow at it, my limbs still refusing to do anything apart from remain attached to my body. Gentle fingers move the hair away until he comes into view. There’s a sheen of sweat on his forehead, all over him really. His hair is a mess, the longer strands sticking up or falling forward, curling on his forehead.

He traces the contour of my face, his gaze following the same path until his eyes come back to mine. His expression is intense.

I clear my throat, not looking away. “Soooo . . . yeah.” My voice is raspy and my mouth is dry. I could use a gallon of water, and maybe a few shots.

He barks out a laugh. “Was that nice?”

Sarcastic bastard. I can’t even muster the energy to pinch his nipple. “Feed me.”

“I’ll call room service.” He rolls off the bed, popping up with far more energy than is reasonable considering the amount of it we’ve just expended. I admire his hot body as he crosses the room, the flex and pull of muscles, the amazingly solid contours of his ass, the narrow waist, the heavily cut back, sinew pulling tight as he runs his hand through his hair, smoothing out some of the wayward strands. I’d hand wash clothes on those abs and use that ass as pillow—after I bit it, of course. I get caught at the two thick lines crisscrossing across the left side of his upper back.

I’ve seen those scars before, when he dressed as a gladiator at the Halloween soirée months ago. I thought they were some elaborate makeup to augment the authenticity of the gladiator costume he was wearing. I didn’t think they were real. They’re jagged and thick, but pale, as if they’ve been there for a long time.

Lex picks up the phone and leans on the table, arms flexing. I pause to finally appreciate the intricate sleeve. A thunderous sky wraps around his shoulder, lightning bolts shooting down his bicep to end at his elbow. His forearm is covered in bright watercolor flowers, and on the inside of his forearm is a three-dimensional clock in black and white.

I could literally spend the next two weeks watching him like a TV show. All he would have to do is walk around my bungalow exactly as he is now, bending over to pick things up, stretching. He could just sit and read the paper. I’m not picky. My gaze moves up, and then back down. He really is immensely hung. I’m not sure I’ve had bigger. I definitely haven’t had better.

“What’re you hungry for?”

“Huh?” I pause my ogling.

“What do you want to eat? Apart from the obvious.” He gestures to his crotch with a smile.

I roll my eyes and flop back down on the comforter. “I don’t know. Anything.”

“Burger and fries?”

In all honesty, the idea of a burger and fries makes my mouth water, but I’ve avoided food that tastes like anything for so long I’m not sure my body can handle a burger. Also, I’d have to eat with my hands, and burgers are messy. Not sexy.

“What about antipasto? A cheese and fruit platter? Desserts?”

“Sure.”

Lex taps on the counter as he places an order. “You can put it on my account but deliver to bungalow seven. Yes. Yes. Thank you.” He hangs up and saunters back to the bed, holding out his hand, and he nods to the sliding glass doors. “It’ll be about half an hour. Want to take a dip?”

I give him my hand and let him pull me up. It takes some effort to get my legs to swing over the edge of the bed, but my muscles are taking cues from my brain again, so that’s a good sign. “I’ll just grab a suit.”

“Why bother? It’s late. It’s not like anyone can see.” Stepping over our discarded clothes, I note his socks are purple and covered in happy faces and that his boxers have the same pattern. I must’ve been pretty preoccupied with getting inside his pants to have missed that earlier.

I follow him to the deck, checking to make sure we’re the only ones taking a midnight swim, or whatever time it is. The water is like glass, the night quiet. Millions of stars flicker in the black sky. The moon is massive, a gorgeous pale disc reflected across the water.

Lex descends and dives in, seamless and smooth, hardly making a splash as water ripples out, lapping softly against the deck. He surfaces, running his hand through his dark hair. “You coming?”

The last time I went skinny-dipping was my first year of college. I’d been with Ruby, and some guy I was seeing at the time and his friend. My hope had been to set them up, but he turned out to be a dud, in all departments.

Lex treads water as I make my way carefully down the steps. Now that I’m not having multiple orgasms, and the endorphins are settling, my toe has started to throb. Maybe the water will make it feel better. “Is it cold?”

“We’re on a tropical island, Amalie. It’s beautiful.”

I dip a toe—one on the foot I didn’t hurt. It’s tepid, like a cooling bath. Perfectly refreshing. My plan is to sit on the edge and ease into the water, but Lex has other ideas. He shoots up out of the water, grabs me around the knees and pulls me in with a shriek that echoes across the empty, silent water.

“Shh. You’re going to wake everyone up and then they’ll know you’re naked,” he murmurs in my ear with a laugh.

I push on his chest in an attempt to get free, but he has me by the waist. It’s barely deep enough for me to tread water. If I stretch, my toes touch the sandy bottom. I stop fighting, because his body is warm against mine, and drape my arms over his shoulders. Clasping my hands behind his neck, I lift my chin and take in the stars. The Milky Way is a thick band of cloudy shimmer streaking across the night sky.

“It’s so beautiful,” I whisper, truly appreciating it for the first time since I arrived here. Although, hot sex has a way of making even the most dreary of environments seem pretty awesome.

“Stunning really,” Lex whispers.

I drop my gaze to find he’s not looking at the stars, but at me. “I’m sure my post-sex hair is amazing right now.”

“You look like you belong in an eighties hair band video.” Lex kisses me on the chin, then releases me from his protective hold. Flipping over onto his back, he spreads his arms. “It’s too bad we have to fly halfway across the world for an experience like this.”

I mirror his position. I suppose outside of the city we could’ve had the same view of the stars, but it wouldn’t be anything like this, with white sand and pale blue water, an inactive volcano rising in the distance. And there wouldn’t be Lex either. I have a sudden moment of panic over what I’ve done and what this means. Is it just tonight? Will things be awkward in the morning? Will he even stay? Do I want him to? I think the answer to that is yes. I like what I know of him, beyond just his ability to make me come. I have no idea what Lex’s usual style is. Armstrong painted him as a playboy, and our introduction, along with his antics at the Halloween soirée last year, lead me to believe it was true. But I’ve been wrong before, so maybe I’m wrong now.

Lex’s fingers skimming the tips of my own startles me. I turn my head toward him.

“Where’d you go?” There’s softness in his eyes, worry maybe. I don’t know what it means.

“To the moon.” I gesture to the sky. “I wonder if this stops being beautiful if you see it every day.”

“I don’t think it stops being beautiful. I think people get used to having that beauty around them all the time, though, and sometimes they just take for granted that it will always be there.”

Maybe that’s what happened with Armstrong; the things that attracted him to me in the first place became commonplace. Or maybe what he saw on the inside made him change his mind about what was on the outside. I think I wanted his inside to be like his outside, but it wasn’t. Is that just how life is? I really hope not. I hope that one day, someone will see me, all of me, and that I’ll be enough. I don’t want to settle but I also don’t want to end up alone and lonely.

“Hey.” Lex grabs my hand and pulls me to him, wrapping me back up in his arms. I shiver, not from cold, but from the intensity and the sudden wave of sadness that passes through me. He tips my chin up. “Wherever you keep going in that head of yours, don’t. Okay? Just be with me, right here, in this moment. Just soak up this beauty and stay with me.”

The sudden knock at the door prevents a response. Lex sighs and drops a quick kiss on my lips. “Be right back.”

He pulls himself out of the water, hopping up onto the deck and grabbing a towel on the way to the door. I don’t like the idea of being in the water alone in the dark, but I can’t very well follow after him otherwise I’ll be flashing the concierge, and with Lex being who he is, that’s definitely not a good idea, so I float over to the ladder and wait for him to close the door before I climb out, careful not to catch my toe on the boards. I wring out my hair and grab a robe.

Lex sets the tray on the coffee table. It’s quite the spread; I don’t even know where to start. I sit on the couch cross-legged and pop a strawberry in my mouth, groaning at the sweet explosion. I could probably inhale almost everything on this platter.

“Sparkling wine or water?” A bottle of San Pellegrino and a sister bottle of sparkling wine accompany the food.

“Both?” I’m not feeling the martinis I drank this evening anymore, or the wine I consumed over the course of the afternoon.

Lex pours a glass of each for me and does the same for himself. He’s still just wearing a towel around his waist, and I’m in the robe, but neither one of us seems to mind. I certainly don’t have a problem looking at his chest.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.” He pops an olive in his mouth.

He’s so easygoing. The exact opposite of Armstrong. We would never eat on the couch, wrapped in towels or bathrobes, fresh from the ocean. He would’ve insisted on a shower, and getting changed, and eating at the table.

“How’d you get those scars on your back?” I go for a piece of cheese next.

“An accident when I was younger. Fucking around, being dumb. I fell and ripped my back open, needed a lot of stitches.”

“How many stitches did you have? That must’ve hurt.”

Lex shrugs and picks at the platter. “Dunno. It didn’t feel good, but I survived, so there’s that.”

Survived? Jesus. “What kind of accident? What did you fall on?”

“Some rocks. We were swimming where we shouldn’t have been.”

“We? Who were you with?”

He hesitates for a few seconds, fingers tapping restlessly on the arm of the couch. “Some buddies. Armstrong was there.”

“He’s not big on swimming.” Part of the reason for the beachfront hut was his dislike of deep water. That we ended up at a beach resort at all is pretty much a miracle.

“No. He’s not.” The finger tapping continues. “We used to spend a lot of time together as kids. We were pretty competitive with each other, sometimes not in a good way. That day we were drinking and things got a little out of hand. He jumped into the river and the current was way too fast.”

“I can’t even imagine Armstrong willingly jumping into a river.” He gets nervous when he’s anywhere near water that’s more than waist deep.

“He wasn’t one to back down from a challenge and the booze gave him some balls. He panicked and I went in after him. He came out with a couple of bruises and I came out with some scars.” He clears his throat. “Anyway, speaking of accidents, how’s that toe feeling? We should probably change the bandage now that you’ve been in the water.”

Obviously he doesn’t want to talk about it anymore, based on the swift change of topic. I still don’t quite understand why they hate each other so much when it seems like Lex saved Armstrong’s life.

“We can look at it when we’re done eating. I’m salty, and I need a shower.”

He leans in and kisses my neck, tongue sweeping across the skin. “You are salty.” He nabs a strawberry and, biting the end, drags it across my lips, sucking on the bottom one. “And sweet.”

I get caught up in kissing him for a few minutes. After that, we make out between bites of fruit.

When we’re full we head to the bathroom. I don’t know what to expect after the shower, but I’m hoping he’ll want to stay the night. Or what’s left of it.

I pause when I see my glass friend sitting on the vanity. Lex is right behind me, clearly having recovered from the last round of sex based on the way he’s poking me in the back, not with his finger. His mouth is at my ear. “I’d like to see what exactly you do with that.”

“Right now?” My voice is high, nervous.

He chuckles. “Not right now. Later. Tomorrow maybe. Or the day after that. I’d actually like to get my hands on that tickle trunk of yours. I wasn’t kidding about being your beta tester.”

Oh God. He’s talking like tonight is going to continue, possibly as a regular occurrence. Maybe the entire time we’re here. And I want that. I want him.

“Come, shower, we need to manage the mess I’ve made of your hair.” I catch a horrifying glimpse of my reflection in the mirror.

The shower inevitably leads to sex—thankfully I packed condoms—which leads to more orgasms, which exhausts me. By the time we’re done it’s almost three in the morning. I fall naked onto my bed, and roll onto my back while Lex rewraps my toe.

“Will you stay?” My stomach dips at the tilt of his head. “The night? Will you . . .” I stop. Bite my lip. I hate how nervous I am. This is uncharted territory. It’s not simple. It’s a complicated situation that’s suddenly even more complicated because I actually want him to stay. I don’t want to be alone here. I want to be wrapped up in him, grounded, protected from all the things I’m not ready to deal with. Is it fair? I don’t know. Probably not, but I still want him anyway. Even if it’s just for this two-week span of time. I want hot sex and easy companionship. I want this chemistry even though I’m afraid of it. I want to not be an emotional mess. The silence between us drags out. “Never mind. I shouldn’t have asked that.”

Lex clears his throat. He’s still holding my bandaged toe. I’m still naked. He’s only in a towel. “If you want me to, I can.”

“You don’t have to.”

“But you want me to?”

“Not if you don’t want to.” I wish I was wearing something. I wish I didn’t feel so naked, and not just physically.

There’s softness in his eyes and his voice with his reply. “Tell me what you want, Amie.”

I like the way it sounds when he says my name like that. “I want you to stay.”

He drops the towel, parts my legs, and climbs between them. “Now was that so difficult to say?”

“Yes.”

He pushes up on one arm. “Why was that hard?”

A piece of truth slips out. “I don’t know what we’re doing.”

He drags gentle fingers down my cheek. “Well, I guess that depends.”

“On?”

“On what you want.”

“What about what you want?”

“I’m already getting what I want.”

“Which is?”

He drops his hips. “You. Naked. Me, inside you.”

“Again?”

“Only if you want.”

“Yes. Please.”

* * *

“Amie, baby, I gotta go.”

My eyes flip open and I blink against bright sunshine. The male voice does not belong to Armstrong, and it takes me a second to remember where I am.

It takes another second or two to process the incredible vision of man in front of me. Lexington Mills is standing beside the bed dressed in a charcoal gray suit. I can’t believe he’s not sweating. I’m naked and covered only in a sheet and I’m extremely warm.

And it all hits me, like a huge cock in the face. I slept with Lex. Literally and figuratively.

Four times. Four unbelievable, nerve-shattering, mind-bendingly orgasmic times. It’s no wonder I’m sore. I need an Epsom salts bath, for like six hours.

“You doing okay there?” Lex’s expression is carefully neutral.

“Other than needing Tylenol I think I’m good.”

“There’s some right here for you.” He taps the nightstand.

I stretch and then groan. “What time is it? Where’re you going?”

Lex reaches out and caresses a bare nipple with his fingertip. “It’s eight-thirty. I have a meeting. I actually have meetings most of the day, but I’ll be back around dinner. Would you like to eat with me tonight?”

“Sure. Yes. Okay.” I guess this means he was serious about this not being a one-night thing. Relief threads through my anxiety.

“We can talk then.”

“Talk?”

“I can see your mind working, Amie. The second your eyes opened. Everything is going to be fine. Go back to sleep, but make sure you’re up by noon.”

“Why noon?”

“I set up some spa appointments, market research and all that. I’ll message later.” He presses a soft kiss to my lips and then he’s crossing the room.

“Wait,” I call out. “Let me see your socks.”

He pauses. “My socks?”

“I want to see them.”

He lifts the hem of his right pant leg. His socks are sky blue.

“Are those palm trees?”

“Fitting for the location. Anything else you need to see?”

“Do your boxers match?”

“You’ll find out the answer to that later.” With a wink, he turns and walks out the door.

He’s such an interesting paradox. The intense sexuality he oozes seems to be balanced with this fun side I’m getting to know better. I like that he doesn’t take himself too seriously.

I flop back on the pillow, my smile slipping a little. Spa appointments? Dinner? Talking?

I have to wonder exactly how complicated we’re about to make things.

He said everything will be fine. I want to believe him.

I want him to be right, even though I know he isn’t.

Thirteen: Swoon

Amie

At noon a tiny woman shows up at my door and escorts me to the spa. I spend the afternoon being pampered, starting with a full body soak, followed by a wrap, a massage, a facial, and ending with a blow out and a mani-pedi. My toe is bruised and the nail is destroyed. Heels won’t be an option for a while, but I can walk in flats without a limp.

It’s five by the time I return to the bungalow. A gorgeous bouquet of flowers sits in the middle of the table. I pluck the card from the center.

Looking forward to dinner. See you at 7:30. Check your closet.

~Lex

I do exactly as the card demands. Sadly, Lex is not inside, naked, but there is a garment bag. Dragging the zipper down, I reveal a gorgeous flowy dress in a shade of blue that I’m almost positive matches my eyes. Based on the designer, it was probably expensive, and it’s also my size. I wonder how Lex managed that.

I left my phone to charge while I was busy being pampered, so it’s full of texts and messages. I have several from Ruby, a couple from my mother, one from Armstrong’s mother, and more than I’d like from Armstrong, including a few voicemails.

The only ones I check are Ruby’s, asking if I’m okay, and to please give her a call when I’m done with the dick in my mouth. I really do love her and her faith that I’ve managed to secure a hook-up while I’m here. But that gets me thinking about what happened last night, and what’s likely going to happen tonight, as well.

Lex setting up a day of spa treatments, sending me flowers, buying me a dress—which is totally unnecessary but so thoughtful—and arranging a dinner date is beyond sweet, but it raises a lot of questions. I need to squelch any ideas that this can be more than just two people having sex. Getting comfortable with him isn’t a good idea. I’m worried it’s already happening, that it started when we sat next to each other on a plane for all those hours, and that I want it to continue. I shouldn’t even be considering anything beyond my time here, but I am.

I’m amazed at how much lighter I feel emotionally today, despite everything. These simple, but thoughtful gifts and all this pampering make me feel appreciated in a way I never did with Armstrong.

Sex and drinks is one thing, sex and food and gifts and thoughtfulness make me want to swoon, and that’s dangerous. Swooning leads to feelings, and I’m only in the beginning stages of dealing with what Armstrong has done. The annulment papers haven’t even made it into his hands. I’m aware that by seeking comfort in Lex physically, making him my escape from reality, I’m transferring my emotional state onto him. Either way, tonight we should set boundaries.

I don’t even know if I can or should tell Ruby about this. It adds another layer of complication. I don’t reply to her messages yet, she’ll have just finished her performance for the night. She’s usually hopped up afterward, and that means she’ll want to talk and I’m not sure what I should or shouldn’t say.

I grab a bottle of water from the bar fridge and head out to the deck so I can enjoy the fabulous view and the sunshine. The volcano rises out of the pale blue water, vibrant green against the cloudless sky. I wonder if the people who live here ever worry that one day a switch will flip and that sleepy volcano will awaken and destroy all this beauty. Sort of like Armstrong did to our relationship by putting his penis in Brittany’s mouth.

No matter how hard I try, when I’m alone like this, I can see very clearly how I ended up in this situation. I tried to make the idea of Armstrong into something real.

Only too soon will I be home and forced to face the mess that is now my life. At least with Lex I can play pretend, and he seems to be willing to be part of the fantasy.

Tonight I’m going to be my best, uninhibited self. I have plans to deep throat Lex since I haven’t done that yet. I’d go straight for anal as a big double middle finger to Armstrong for being so vanilla about sex, but Lex has a lot of cock and I think I’m going to need to work my way up to the stainless-steel butt plug before I can honestly make an attempt with his man dangle. I’d be willing to give it a shot out of more than just sheer spite, though.

Unable to relax thanks to nerves and giddiness, I grab my makeup case from the bathroom and bring it outside. Creating a video tutorial with a volcano background is exactly the kind of distraction I need. The last time I put up a makeup tutorial was just before the Halloween soirée, which was months ago. My makeup wasn’t particularly exciting, but I’d had some fun ideas and it had been months since I’d uploaded a video. Mostly I just wanted to see if I still had any kind of audience. The video garnered over a quarter of a million views in twenty-four hours.

I spend the next half-hour making a short “Island Makeup” tutorial. Then I spend another hour editing it down to a reasonable seven-minute video. I’ve learned that’s about the amount of time an average person is willing to spend on things like makeup prep. I’m in the middle of reviewing the video post-upload when a shadow passes behind me. I startle as warm fingertips caress my shoulder and yank the earbud free.

I press my hand to my heart and exhale a relieved breath when I realize it’s just Lex. “You scared the crap out of me!” My entire body warms at the sight of him. I don’t ever remember having this kind of reaction to Armstrong. Sure, he was Prince Charming handsome, but Lex is just . . . dark and sexy. Charisma wrapped in a perfect package.

He isn’t wearing a suit like he was this morning. Instead, he’s paired khakis and a white golf shirt with casual shoes, showing off the vibrant sleeve tattoo that’s usually hidden under button-downs and suit jackets. His hair is perfect, combed neatly to the side, the dark strands yielding to his whim. I’d like to yield in the same way, which is very unlike me.

His smile holds as much humor as his eyes hold heat. “I knocked first, but you clearly didn’t hear me. What’re you doing?”

I turn back to my iPad, the video still running. Embarrassed, I rush to turn it off, but Lex snatches it before I can.

“It’s nothing. I was just messing around.” I make a grab for it, but he holds it out of reach.

“It doesn’t look like nothing. What is this?” He unplugs the earphones and my voice becomes audible.

He holds it over his head, still trying to watch it. I grab onto his shoulder and attempt to propel myself high enough to take it back. “Give it!”

“I’m trying to listen. Is this a tutorial?”

“It’s not important.” I jump again.

Lex glances down at me. “You wanna take your bikini top off and do that again?”

I pinch his nipple through his shirt. In one swift move he spins me around, pulling me into him with my back to his chest, arms pinned to my sides. His lips are at my ear. “Settle down, Anarchy Amie, why don’t you want me to see this?” He lowers the iPad so I can see myself on the small screen.

“I don’t know. It’s stupid. It’s just a hobby.” I cringe and avert my gaze, not wanting to see my own face reflected back at me with someone else watching, too. It makes me feel oddly exposed.

“Why is it stupid?” The video ends and my most recent tutorials appear on the screen. “How many of these are there? Holy shit, this one has a million views.”

“Some of them are a few years old.”

He releases me and takes a step back, his expression curious. “Why are you embarrassed about this?”

I can feel how hot my face is. “I don’t know. I don’t want to seem vain.” In social circles like ours, people love to be critical, and some of the negative comments are rather scathing in the feed below the videos.

“How would this make you seem vain?” He scrolls through the videos, clicking on one I made when my mom was sick while I was in college. It had taken a bit of convincing for her to let me make that video, but it was one of several in that series that garnered a lot of views. Lex’s eyes go wide as he watches. “This is your mom?”

I nod.

His voice is soft when he asks, “What kind of cancer?”

I swallow thickly, thinking about how scared I was when she finally told me. It had been at the end of my third year of college. I hadn’t been home in months and she’d encouraged me to stay in New York during the fall semester, citing trips and spa vacations. But when I finally came home for a visit at Christmas I realized she’d been keeping me away on purpose. She was in the middle of a course of radiation treatment. “Breast. We were really lucky to have caught it early. Stage two.”

“That’s good.” His words are genuine, as is the understanding look in his eyes.

“It was. They were able to perform a lumpectomy and remove it. She’s been cancer free since. She had all these holiday events while she was undergoing treatment. She didn’t want everyone to know, so I did her makeup. No one would’ve guessed there was anything wrong, which is what she wanted. She just didn’t want the focus to be on her illness, you know?”

Lex nods somberly, continuing to scroll through the series of videos. “I do. My mom would’ve loved these when she went through treatment.”

“I didn’t know Mimi had cancer.” Ruby had never mentioned it.

“It wasn’t something she broadcasted. You know how it is. She just sort of disappeared for a while. People suspected, but we kept it pretty quiet. It’s the reason behind the Halloween fundraiser.”

“She’s okay now though?”

Lex smiles. “She is. She’s a real fighter. She wasn’t as lucky as your mom, she had to have a mastectomy, but she had reconstructive surgery at the same time. Anyway, this is really incredible.”

I blush and look away, unable to manage the compliment. “They’re not all like that. Some of them are just Halloween makeup and how to be a sexy zombie, but that series was special. It was hard for my mom to be around people when all they wanted to do was be sympathetic. This made her feel normal.”

“What’s this one?” He taps the screen.

“We went to the cancer ward over the Christmas holidays and I did makeup for the terminal teens. We had to get waivers signed by the parents to make the video, but we raised something like seventy thousand dollars, so as hard as it was to see, it was totally worth it.” I wave my hand around in the air because talking about it makes me teary.

Lex sets the iPad on the lounge chair and takes my face between his palms. His expression steals my breath, something like reverence passes behind his eyes as he searches my face. “You’re an incredible woman, I hope you realize that.” I attempt to shake my head, but Lex keeps me still between his palms, thumbs stroking my cheeks. “Don’t argue with me, just say I know.”

I smile and whisper the words.

“Good girl.”

I shiver when he brushes his lips over mine, the sadness washing away, everything ceasing to exist except for him. All it takes from this man is a touch to melt me from the inside.

“So incredible.” I tip my head back when he tugs the end of my hair so he can nip along my jaw. “You taste like coffee and oranges,” he murmurs.

“That’s because someone sent me to be pampered today.” I’m glad for the change of topic, I don’t want to think about sad things right now. I just want to enjoy this time with Lex while I have it.

He skims along my collarbone, and follows the contour of my breast. My nipples harden with the simple touch, then tighten further when he grazes one with his thumb. He moves in closer, until his chest comes flush with mine, and his roaming hands finds the center of my back, thumbs smoothing down my spine until he reached the waist of my bikini bottoms.

“You enjoyed yourself, then?”

“Immensely.” I run my palms over his chest, his gentleness sparking need. I don’t know if we have enough time before dinner to enjoy each other, and waiting until after dessert seems like unnecessary torture.

“Good. I’m glad.” He’s still looking at me intently, eyes traveling over my face. I wish he was kissing me again, with tongue this time. “What was your favorite part?”

“The flowers, the dress, and you here, right now.”

His smile widens. “I meant the spa services.”

“Oh, right. The massage was nice. Everything was, actually.” I palm the back of his neck and tug.

He resists slightly, that smile still playing on his lips. “Not interested in conversation anymore?”

“That’s what dinner’s for, isn’t it?” I slide the screen door open and step inside the bungalow, pulling him along with me. The clock to my right indicates it’s just seven. We have plenty of time for pre-dinner sex. I pull the tie at my neck, and the one between my shoulder blades. My bikini top falls between us at our feet. “I thought maybe I could be your appetizer.”

“Did you now?”

I tug the ones at my hips and the bottoms join my top on the floor. His erection strains against his pressed khakis. “I wouldn’t want you to be uncomfortable through dinner.”

“That’s very considerate of you.”

I palm him through his pants. “That’s me, Miss Considerate.”

Lex runs his hands down my sides and cups my ass. His lips glide along my shoulder, teeth nipping at my neck until he reaches my ear. “I was very distracted during my meetings this afternoon.”

I free the clasp on his belt. “Oh? What was the issue?”

“I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”

“What kind of things were you thinking about?”

“About the ways I want to have you, about the hours I had to wait before I could touch you again. Kiss you”—his mouth descends on mine as he walks us further into the room, but not in the direction of the bed—“fuck you.” Lex spins me around and bends me over the back of the couch. His warm palm travels down my back. “Here is okay?”

“Anywhere is fine, as long as your plan is to get inside me.”

His hands move to my ass, staying there for a moment before he slips one between my legs. I clutch the back of the couch as he eases two fingers inside me. I’m already wet, but he plays with me, teases, strokes, and caresses until my knees are weak and I’m shaking with the promise of release. The rip of the condom follows and then he’s pushing inside, groaning as his hips come flush with my ass. “I promise I’ll take my time with you later.”

His shirt appears beside me, and then his chest is flush against my back. Trailing gentle fingers down my arm he lifts my hand and wraps it around the back of his neck. I need the other one to keep my balance, so I’m unable to rub my throbbing, needy clit. I moan when he grabs my hip and rolls his own. He’s deep, the head of his cock hitting the same magic spot with every thrust. I shudder and he chuckles.

“Fuck, Amie, all day.” He shifts his hips back and pushes in slowly, lips still at my ear. “All I could think about was being inside you.” Another deep thrust. “About those sexy, sweet sounds you make when I fuck you.”

I groan at the grind of his hips against my ass.

As he straightens I rise with him. His hand moves down the outside of my thigh and he lifts my leg, setting my knee on the back of the couch, spreading me wider, changing the angle so he goes even deeper.

“You know what I thought about the most?” His fingers drift slowly over my hip until they rest above the crest of my pelvis, so close to where I need them.

I shake my head, the word please falls from my lips almost like a plea.

“How much I love the sound of you coming for me.”

His fingers dip low and he rubs slow, soft circles. It’s more than enough, almost too much, and I whimper his name, the sensation electrifying, overwhelming.

He keeps his fingers clamped over my clit as the orgasm starts to wane, and that’s when the real fucking commences. I tighten my grip on the back of his neck as he pounds into me, his hot breath on my shoulder as he says things like, “so fucking good” and “nothing feels better than this” and “so sexy.”

When he comes he bites my shoulder and slaps my clit, causing me to jerk in his arms and come again.

Once we’re both capable of doing more than moaning and breathing, he sets my foot back on the floor and I drop my hand from his neck, bracing myself on the couch as he eases out.

I turn and use the back rest to support my ass, my knees weak from the orgasm. “Well, that’s one way to work up an appetite.”

Lex cups my cheek in his palm and plants a soft kiss on my lips. “You’re my favorite appetizer. I’d have you before every meal if I could.”

While he disposes of the condom, I retrieve my dress from the closet. It has an open back, making a bra impossible. I’m sure that was intentional. Lex helps me step into it. “I think you should forgo panties,” he says as the fabric slides over my hips.

“So you have easier access?”

His grin is devious mischief. “I was going to say to avoid panty lines, but that’s another good reason.”

Putting on a pair of open-toed flats, I grab my purse and follow Lex outside. Instead of heading for one of the resort restaurants, Lex takes me to the beach where a table for two is set up on the sand. Strings of lights flicker, reflecting off the water as the sun falls to touch the horizon; pale blue streaks with light purple, pink, and orange mix into the watercolor palette. It’s gorgeously romantic.

I pull out my phone and snap a few pictures of the view. My smile feels suddenly wooden as I swing around, camera poised to take a picture of Lex. A pang of sadness makes my heart ache for what could’ve been. What would’ve happened if I hadn’t accepted Armstrong’s invitation to dance, if I’d waited for Lex to bring that drink back? Would this be our honeymoon instead?

If Armstrong hadn’t cheated on me, would he have thought to organize a special moonlight dinner on a private beach? Would he schedule a spa day for me, fuck me over the side of the couch? Would he have ever been ravenous for me? Had he ever been? I feel like I already have the answer to that.

Lex’s smile is soft and easy as his fingers circle my wrist. “Just enjoy it for what it is, Amie.”

I don’t want to ruin the moment with sadness over things that can’t be. He turns me around to face the view. Pale blue water darkens along with the setting sun. He wraps his arms around my waist and hugs me from behind, his strong, solid body grounding me in the present. I lift my phone and snap a panorama of shots, hoping to preserve this feeling in the images I collect while I’m with him.

I want to flip it on him and take a selfie, but that would make this too real, so I just appreciate his arms around me and his cheek against mine.

“How were your meetings today?” I ask once we’re settled at the table, glasses of champagne poured and appetizers, of the actual consumable variety, set between us.

“Other than being highly distracted, they were informative.”

I prop my chin on my fist. “Is it okay to ask you to elaborate?”

Lex leans back in his chair. “Of course. It’s not exactly riveting stuff if you’re not involved in the hotel industry, so when you start falling asleep, feel free to throw things at me and I’ll shut up about it.”

“I’m sure it’s far from boring.”

Lex shrugs. “I find it interesting, but it’s my job, so that’s probably part of it. I’m here because we have four resorts and one of them isn’t performing as well as the others. The ratings are down over the past twelve months and it’s my job to find a way to bring them back up.”

“Is it this property?” I can’t see how. This is perfect vacation spot, nothing like real life.

Lex shakes his head. “It’s down the beach a ways, at a slightly more affordable location, well, more affordable for here. I’ll need to stay there for a while later in the month. This is our best performing resort on the island, and it’s my favorite, so I chose to stay here first.”

“What makes this one your favorite?”

“Well, other than the obvious.” His gaze roams over me. “It’s romantic without being overly honeymoon driven. The view is spectacular, the accommodations are grand, but comfortable. Plus the nightlife is accessible and exciting.”

I agree with everything he’s said. “So what’s the other resort missing?”

“That’s what I’m trying to figure out. It’s almost an exact copy of this resort, only more budget friendly. I’m heading there tomorrow to review services and sit down with management so I have comparative data for analysis.”

“That makes sense.” I focus on my champagne flute. “So you’ll be gone all day?” I fight a cringe at how disappointed I sound.

“You could come with me. If you’d like.”

I lift my gaze, uncertain if this is him just being nice, or worse, feeling sorry for me. “I don’t want to interfere with your meetings.”

“It would actually be quite helpful to have a female perspective. I can book you in for a couple of spa treatments, since that seems to be an area that needs work, and you can compare them.”

“Um . . . okay, I could do that.”

“Great.”

God his smile is beautiful.

Halfway through dinner my phone starts buzzing. Anxiety makes my mouth dry. I don’t want it to be Armstrong, ruining a perfect evening, so I ignore it. When it starts again seconds after it stopped, I check to make sure it’s not an emergency.

“Everything okay?” Lex’s concern mirrors my own.

My anxiety dissipates when I see the name on the screen. “It’s Ruby.”

Lex taps on the edge of the table. “When was the last time you talked to her?”

I know what he’s asking without saying it aloud. “I messaged yesterday to tell her I’m fine and I’d switched hotels. I planned to call today, but then I had all these appointments, and this dinner, so . . .” My throat feels tight like the words want to stay inside. This is a necessary conversation. We’re living in this bubble together and this is how it must remain. I motion between us. “I won’t say anything to her about this.”

Lex nods and traces the edge of his cutlery. “Will that be hard for you? To keep this from her?”

Ruby and I tell each other almost everything, but this is different. “I don’t want to put her in a precarious position. Would you tell Bane?”

Lex barks out a laugh. “We don’t share that kind of information.” He reaches across the table and takes my hand. “I don’t want to make this situation more difficult for you. I’m happy to be a distraction for you while you’re here, if that’s what you want me to be.”

“Is that what this is all about?” I gesture to our surroundings.

His smile is warm. “You deserve all the best things, and I can give you a few of them, so that’s what I’m trying to do. If it’s too much just tell me, but I’m willing to give you whatever you want while you’re here with me.”

“What do you want?” I don’t know why I’m asking this. Clearly he wants to get laid, just like I do. This suaveness is innate. No wonder women fall all over themselves to go out with him.

Lifting my hand, he kisses my knuckles. “To enjoy this time I have with you.”

I should feel relief, not disappointment, especially considering I’m still technically married. “We’ll just keep it between us,” I whisper as he bites the tip of my pinkie.

“You’ll be my favorite secret.” His eyes burn, but sadness tints his words with the same shadows cast by the waning sun.

Fourteen: Complicated

Lexington

The morning following dinner on the beach Amie and I head to the sister resort via jeep. Her hair is pulled up in a messy bun, her face is makeup-free apart from some clear lip gloss that tastes like artificial grapes. I’ve kissed it off three times already.

It isn’t hard to convince myself that bringing her along is smart and will be beneficial for research purposes. She’s the perfect person to compare spa services between hotels. She’s also gorgeous, alluring, and charming. She’ll have the staff eating out of her hand.

While I meet with the hotel manager I send her off for a morning of pampering. We reconvene at lunch to discuss what she liked best between the two resorts with the spa and hotel managers. The ambiance is better at the other hotel, but the services are on par. She’s eloquent and intelligent as she reviews the spa menu and makes suggested tweaks.

If I weren’t sleeping with her I’d poach her for my team. She has an excellent mind for marketing and management. I doubt she’s being used to her full potential over at Moorehead. What makes her stand apart is that she not only sees the flaws in a plan, but she can then find a workable solution. And as predicted, every single person in the room, male and female, has fallen completely in love with her by the time we come up with what seems to be a viable strategy for minor renovations to the hotel spa and revamping the services offered, including makeup prep for evening events.

This gives me an idea for an entirely new spin on how the spa experiences are promoted. We have a significant market for on-site weddings, and we’ve been building on that for the past few years, but this could add another dimension, expanding the luxury beyond the spa and right into the comfort of guest suites.

After the meeting I show Amie around the grounds, and take her on a tour of the accommodations. We make good use of a honeymoon suite before having dinner with the managerial staff.

Being with her like this is dangerous, seeing her in her element, pulling her into my world, learning more about who she is beyond the kink in the bedroom and her smart mouth—but I don’t seem to be able to stop myself. And what’s more, I don’t want to. I get that she’s not in the right headspace for this to be more for the time being, but that doesn’t mean I can’t push for that later, once we’re back in the real world and things have settled down for her.

It’s late by the time we finish. I would suggest staying the night, but I have meetings in the morning and I’ll need a fresh suit, so we head back to the Mills Resort.

I send her off to the bungalow without me so I can pick up a few things from the concierge. I don’t want to wait for room service, and once we’re in her bungalow I intend to avoid disruptions. Except on my way back I receive a text from Amie telling me Armstrong is at the resort.

I should’ve expected this. He had to know I was bringing her to a sister hotel on the island, and eventually he’d make his way to her, because Armstrong doesn’t like to lose.

The dock is silent as I head to my bungalow and drop the bottle of champagne and basket of desserts inside the door, uncertain how to proceed. Amie hasn’t left additional messages, and I assume if she wants my help she’ll ask for it. I don’t want to make this situation any more difficult than it needs to be, but I also don’t want Armstrong filling her head with stories about me, or finding out what’s going on here, should he manipulate her into saying something.

There aren’t a lot of options. I open the sliding door and step outside, moving to the lower platform in case I can see or hear anything going on in her bungalow. From here I can just make out the edge of Amie’s dock. Through the window I see her pacing, arms flailing as Armstrong’s silhouette follows behind her. Their voices become clear when Amie throws open the sliding door.

“Why are we out here?” The waver in Armstrong’s voice is expected, considering how nervous water makes him.

“I need air,” Amie snaps.

“Amalie, you need to be reasonable. You’ve made your point. I’m sorry that you feel the need to degrade yourself like this—”

“Degrade myself?”

“By coming here with my cousin. It’s fine that you needed to get your anger out of your system. I understand your rebellion and I won’t ask questions, just come back to the resort with me.”

“You realize you’re not making any sense at all, right?”

“You can’t tell me that Lexington hasn’t filled your head with lies about me. I warned you about him once, Amalie. I shouldn’t have to do it again.” He waves a hand in the air. “What’s happened is irrelevant, as long as you come back with me. I’m sure you’ve received the messages from my mother. It doesn’t look good for you to be here without me.”

“What do messages from Gwendolyn have to do with anything?”

“She’s convinced my coming here will help make things right. It’ll look better.” Armstrong sighs, as if he’s annoyed.

“You can’t be serious. You’re here because your mother told you to come?”

“I’m here to show you I can be understanding about this. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to get a passport on such short notice? I had to take a flight with a layover. And I had to sit in coach.”

“Oh poor you! Understanding? You cheated on me, at our fucking wedding, Armstrong. There’s nothing to be understanding about, and there is no together anymore.”

Armstrong makes a tsking sound.

“Don’t you dare make that goddamn fucking sound. I will use whatever fucking language I feel like. You don’t get to come here and shove your disapproval down my throat.”

He raises his hands in supplication. “I’m not here to fight with you, Amalie. You need to think about this, about the impact it’s going to have on you, on us. The media will tear you apart.”

“Me?” She crosses her arms over her chest. “I’m not the one who got caught cheating at my own wedding.”

Armstrong takes a halting step toward her, but backs up again so he’s close to the door. “Darling, can we just go inside and talk about this?”

“Don’t darling me. If the media is going to tear anyone apart it’s you.”

Armstrong laughs, and it’s one I know well. It’s his leverage laugh. As if he has something on her. “Do you even know what the rumors are?”

Amie’s voice goes flat. “I’m sure you’re about to tell me.”

“Have you even checked in with your family since you ran away?” Silence stretches out for a few seconds, followed by Armstrong’s exaggerated sigh.

“Are you just here hiding then? Pretending none of this matters? As if it has no bearing on your family or mine? Were you aware that there’s speculation regarding the unfortunate event at the wedding? That people are saying it was a setup, that it was a recording of me with you.”

Amie’s voice is softer, lower now. “You have to be kidding me.”

“Oh, I’m quite serious. Imagine if it happened to get out that you’ve run off on our honeymoon and that you’re sleeping around on me because of a miscommunication? You think the media is critical of you now, just imagine how much worse it could get.”

“That’s not even logical, and you know it.”

“That’s the funny thing about the media, logic doesn’t necessarily apply, does it? This marriage is good for our families. We’ll both benefit. I’m good for your family’s social standing and you’re good for my bank account.”

“You’re making this about money and social status? Wow, there’s a real sales pitch for relationship longevity.” I can practically hear the grit in her teeth.

“Oh come on, Amalie. You know how this goes. If you want me to treat you less like my wife and more like a mistress I certainly can try. But don’t you think it would be in your best interest to attempt to rise to the social standing my family will bring you, rather than act like a cheap slut? It would be a shame to see all my hard work undone in a span of weeks.”

“Hard work? What are you even talking about?”

“I put so much time and energy into molding you to be the perfect partner to stand by my side. Especially when I run Moorehead Media with my father. It hasn’t even been two weeks and look at you.”

“There’s nothing wrong with the way I look.”

“If you’re more interested in being someone’s mistress, I suppose you’re well on your way there.”

“You really are a vile human being.” Barely contained rage makes her voice gravelly. “How many?”

“How many what?”

“How many women did you cheat on me with? How many were there besides Brittany?”

“That’s irrelevant.”

“Irrelevant? Is that your new favorite word? Do you even know? Can you guess?”

“Based on your views of what constitutes cheating, a few, I guess. Not that many.”

“A few? How can you think this is okay?”

“Stop being so obtuse, Amalie. This is how it is. You’ll get used to it.”

“I don’t want to get used to it. I don’t want to be with you, not ever. What is it going to take for you to understand that?”

“This isn’t just about you. You’re leaving a big mess behind in New York. Who do you think is dealing with it?”

“Definitely not you.”

“That’s because I’m here. This running and hiding and acting out is juvenile, Amalie. You’re being a spoiled brat, it’s rather tiring.”

“Get out.” She reaches around him and opens the screen door with a hard slam. “Do not think you can manipulate or blackmail me into reconciling. When you get back to New York the annulment papers will be waiting for you to sign. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, further contact will be through my lawyer, otherwise I’ll file a restraining order. Now leave or I’ll call security.”

He stumbles back through the door as she pushes past him. “You’ll regret this, Amalie.”

“I already do, more than you can even imagine. But not for the reasons you want me to.”

After less than a minute of tense silence the door of her bungalow opens and Armstrong steps out in the dark night, walking briskly down the dock, nearly breaking into a run. I’d like to follow after him and kick his ass for her, but I stay where I am, aware I’d only be doing more damage.

I’m not sure what to expect from Amie at this point. Not that I expect anything from her after that bullshit, but I wait until he’s long gone before I fire off a message.

You okay?

It feels like forever before she responds.

I don’t know. Did you hear any or all of that?

It’s an honest answer. And it doesn’t make it any easier to decide how to proceed. I give her another minute before sending a message:

I did. I wanted to make sure you were safe. I’ll understand if you want space right now.

The dots appear and then disappear three times before a message finally comes through:

I probably should.

That’s not a yes. It’s not a no either. It’s conflict. Understandable, reasonable conflict. I wait for more, some kind of confirmation that she wants me to stay away after what just went down with Armstrong.

After several long minutes I hear nothing and assume her silence means I’m staying put. Except a timid, barely there knock has me out of the chair and across the room. As much as I know she’s probably coming here for comfort, not sex, my body doesn’t seem to recognize that. Maybe she needs a shoulder to cry on. I can be that. I can be a friend if she needs one tonight.

Amie doesn’t say anything as she steps inside. Pain makes her eyes shiny, the emotional kind, the embarrassed kind.

“I feel guilty for wanting this, for wanting you.” She runs her fingers across my jaw and rests her palm on my chest. “But not enough to stay away. What does that say about me? What kind of person does that make me?”

“It makes you human, Amie. Armstrong is a self-serving bastard. He’s good at manipulating.”

She drops her hand and remains silent, maybe absorbing the truth. We haven’t talked about her relationship with Armstrong apart from vague, snide comments. I don’t want to remind her why this is a bad idea, which is what his showing up has done.

“Do you want to talk about it?” I worry—selfishly—that his brief appearance will ruin this. I don’t want to lose any of my time with her because Armstrong’s idiocy has gotten in the way again.

She shakes her head, glassy eyes shimmering. Her fingertips flutter to her throat, then drop to touch the back of my hand.

“What can I do for you?”

Her tongue drags across her bottom lip. White teeth press into plush, wet flesh. Her gaze darts down and then back up, uncertainty mixing with need. How someone can look so innocent and be so incredibly sexy is a mystery I’m glad I get to discover. She wraps her fingers around my wrist and brings my hand up, curving my palm around her delicate neck. “Tell me you want to fuck me,” she whispers.

I sweep my thumb along her throat. “Amie.”

Her eyes flutter shut. “Tell me. Please.”

The truth is, this little slice of pretend we’re living in is quickly becoming real for me. But I can’t tell her that. She’s in no place mentally or emotionally for anything more than physical gratification, and putting that on her will destroy her. She’s so fragile already. So I give her the thing she needs from me, an escape from the dark place she’s going in that beautiful head of hers.

I brush my lips gently over hers. “I want you.”

Her breath leaves her on a tiny gasp when I press my fingertips into her jaw and tilt her head back.

I take a step closer, forcing her back against the door. “You know what I’m going to do?”

She makes a wanton, desperate sound. I feel it, all the way to my bones. I know all I am is a distraction from reality, but I still want her, even if I shouldn’t.

I press my hips into hers so she can feel how hard I am for her. “I’m going to fuck you.” I bite her chin and kiss my way to her lips. “And you’re going to love it.”

* * *

“Tell me you’re not hooking up with her.” Bancroft sounds pissed.

Of all the things I shouldn’t be doing, sleeping with Amalie is at the top of a very long list. As is taking her out for dinner, buying her clothes, flowers, spending nights staring at the stars, taking her to sister resorts and comparing spa services, introducing her to the managerial staff, and spending the night in her bed. Or mine. Also, fucking her up against my door after Armstrong shat all over their relationship, and then again in my bed, and again in the morning is also not the best in terms of planning. Especially considering how I’m enjoying the sleeping part as much as I am the fucking. But I have no desire to stop and neither does she, so I’m going to continue to take advantage of this arrangement until I can’t anymore.

“Isn’t that what college kids do?” I suppose it applies to this situation regardless.

“Just answer the damn question.”

“And what if I am?”

“You better be kidding, Lex. She’s still married.”

I scoff. “Do you have any idea what kind of bullshit Armstrong has been pulling on her?”

“Amie called Ruby this morning. Apparently he showed up last night.”

“So you know he admitted to screwing around on her with multiple women.” I drop down into a chair because I’m pacing, and my voice is rising.

“It’s a good thing he’s not in this country or I’d give him the beatdown he deserves. Ruby’s also encouraging Amie to hook up while she’s out there in Bora Bora.”

“I’m sorry, what?” That explains what she was doing in the bar with Fuck-me Eric the first night.

“She told Amie to let loose. Go wild. Get laid like it’s spring break.” He doesn’t sound impressed with this advice.

“Well, I guess it’s her vacation, she should feel free to hook up with whoever she wants.”

“Except for you, though, right?” There’s the hint of suspicion I was waiting for.

“She doesn’t want to hook up with me.” Shit, I sound angry. I need to level out.

“You’re sure about that? Kinda looked like it in that bridal suite.”

“Get off my dick. She was upset and not thinking clearly. She’d just been humiliated in front of everyone she knows and she was out for vengeance.” I don’t tell him I let her have it, hard and repeatedly. While we’re both adults who are capable of making adult decisions, I don’t think it’s a good idea to be truthful with my brother. I doubt Bane would intentionally out me, but it’s better to keep this quiet just to be safe. I don’t think my father would be very impressed if he found out my attention was quite so divided. I’m here to avoid the bullshit, not add to it by sleeping with Amie.

“This is a business trip. I helped her out when our dickhead cousin showed up. Her situation is fucked and I’m not interested in more drama than I already have.” I really have gotten myself in a lot deeper than I meant to. And the repercussions of this, if anyone finds out, are further reaching than Amie can understand. My history with Armstrong is tumultuous. He’s too self-absorbed to believe this wasn’t just a revenge screw.

Bane’s silent for a few seconds. “Are you spending time with her?”

“I have meetings and work. I can’t lie on the beach and ward off the predators. She’s a big girl, and I’m not her babysitter. I can’t protect someone who’s not interested in being protected, Bane.” It’s true. I made an attempt to protect her from me at the very beginning, but she sure didn’t make it easy.

“I get that. Just watch out for her if you can. Ruby’s pretty worried. I don’t know that Amie makes the best choices when she’s stressed out.”

“So one second you’re concerned I’m going to hook up with her and now you want me to be her guard dog. Make up your mind, little brother, either you want me involved or you don’t.”

His sigh echoes my frustration. “Sorry. I’m stressed because Ruby is stressed. Apparently Amie doesn’t want to deal with the Armstrong situation, and whenever Ruby brings it up she changes the subject.”

“Can you blame her?”

“Nope. Not at all, but Ruby says this is worse than the way she usually manages things.”

“Worse how? It’s not as if there’s a precedent for her circumstances.” I can’t imagine it’s every day the groom gets caught cheating on the bride at the wedding.

“I get that and I don’t know exactly. She’s just . . . quiet. Ruby’s worried she’s in a bad headspace. Just . . . don’t let anyone take advantage of her if you can help it.”

“I’ll try and keep an eye on her.” And every other part of my body. “Do you know how bad the rumors are? How are the Mooreheads spinning this in the media?” I’ve done the requisite searches, but I haven’t seen anything that corroborates what Armstrong said about it being a recording of the two of them. I can’t imagine anyone believing it.

“It’s mostly social media gossip, but everything is pulled down as fast as it goes up. I can’t fathom the money they’re parting with to keep this so quiet.”

“Maybe they’ll bankrupt themselves in the process.”

“Wouldn’t that be some justice. Armstrong is heading back to New York today, according to Mom, so at least Amie won’t have to deal with him anymore.”

That’s good news for Amie, great news for me.

Bane moves on to the much safer topic of business.

But the things he says about Amie stay with me. I know I told her I was fine with being a temporary diversion, but I’m not so sure I’ll be able to leave this thing between us here like I’m supposed to.

Fifteen: Toys Toys Toys

Amie

“Are you sure you don’t want me to meet you at the airport?” Ruby asks for the third time.

“I get in at seven in the morning, there’s no point.”

“What if Armstrong shows up?”

“He’s not going to show up.” It’s something I’ve considered might happen, but in the two weeks since I threatened a restraining order I haven’t heard from him at all. I haven’t heard from his lawyer either, even though I know he’s back in New York. Ruby’s kept me abreast of all the happenings, whether I wanted to hear about them or not. But I have a feeling she’s censored quite a bit, and my knowledge is blissfully limited.

Ruby sighs. “Okay. Fine. But message me as soon as you land, and again when you get back to your apartment.”

“Of course I’ll message, but you’ll be asleep, so it’s not like it matters.” I fold another dress and tuck it into my suitcase. Most of my clothes are packed. The only things left are the dress I’m wearing tonight and my outfit for the plane tomorrow.

And my tickle trunk of toys, but I’m not packing that until later.

“So what’re you doing on your last night?”

“I don’t know. I might go to the bar, have a couple of cocktails, and then stare at the stars and reflect on my time here.”

“What about Hottie Hook-Up? Is he still there? You should get in a few last orgasms before you leave.”

Ruby kept on me about hooking up, so I finally relented and admitted I might’ve slept with someone. I told her his name was Dick, mostly because I was floundering and it was the first thing I came up with since Lex has a very nice one. Ruby decided it wasn’t appealing, so she called him Hottie-Hook Up. It felt good to tell her something, even if it couldn’t be the truth. If I tell Ruby she won’t be able to keep it from Bane and then the circle of secrecy expands too much and becomes murky. I can’t ask her to lie to Bane for me, it’s not fair.

“We’ll see.” I’m purposely noncommittal, because talking about it makes me feel guilty for lying, but it’s too complicated. And it’s not like it’s going to happen again after I leave this island.

It’s not his fault I’m far more interested in him than I should be. I’m sure the feelings will wane once I’m home and he’s not my sole source of support. I think I’ve assigned him some kind of savior role, which is making it feel like feelings, when really it’s my desperate need to cling to something that isn’t my very shitty life. The one I’m going to have to face much sooner than I’d like.

“What about Lex?”

“What about Lex?” I wish I could keep my voice from rising octaves whenever he’s mentioned. I’ve tried hard to avoid talking about him. It makes my heart hurt that I have to leave what we have here, but we’ve agreed it’s for the best.

“Will you see him before you go?”

It’s a good thing we’re not video chatting this conversation, because Ruby would see right through me. “I don’t know. Maybe? He’s been pretty busy with work stuff. I’m sure he has better things to do than entertain me on the last night of my failed honeymoon.”

“It’s not a failed honeymoon, Amie. It’s not your fault Armstrong is a douche.”

I might not be at fault, but despite Lex’s ability to be an excellent distraction, I’ve had more than enough time to consider my own part in this travesty of a wedding. I ignored so many signs along the way. And this time with Lex reinforces that. He’s so easy to be with. I don’t have to watch myself, or be anything I’m not when we’re together. “You know what I mean. Anyway, I should go. I need to finish packing, then I need to get my drink on so I can sleep through most of the flight tomorrow.”

“Okay. I love you. Go get laid one last time. I’ll see you soon.” Ruby hangs up before I can respond with anything pithy.

I check the time. I have two hours before Lex is supposed to be back from his meeting. He was going to reschedule, but I told him not to. I don’t want to interfere with his work, and canceling it would mean spending more time together when really, what I need is to separate myself from him, not hold on tighter.

This has been the fastest, most orgasm replete vacation of my entire life. I don’t want it to end, and not just because of the incredible sex. I like Lex. I like hanging out with him, and watching him work is sexy. Actually, Lex is just sexy period. Sexy Lexy is what I call him in my head, but not out loud, because he doesn’t like that nickname at all.

Regardless, it doesn’t matter if he’s dressed in a suit, wearing his glasses, screwing around on his laptop, wearing a pair of board shorts, naked and fucking me—he’s just sexy. And kind, and sweet, and smart, and fun.

And tonight is my last chance to appreciate all of those incredible qualities.

I don’t want to go home.

Home means facing my messed-up life. Home means no more Lex. It means appointments with lawyers and an annulment and looking for a new job. Going back to New York means facing a reality I’ve been avoiding—rather successfully—for the past few weeks, apart from the two occasions in which Armstrong kindly showed up to remind me how upside down my life is.

So tonight I’ve decided I’m not going classy. My plan is to be the dirtiest, naughtiest version of myself, because I can’t deal with Lex’s sweetness tonight. It speaks too much to the part of me that would like this to be something more. Instead, I pull on my skimpiest dress and skip the bra and underwear, just in case he thinks we’re doing anything apart from ordering room service. Then I dump the contents of my tickle trunk of sex toys on the bed so I can select a few fun ones. The plan being to fuck our way through my last night here. If this is the only way I can have him, then I’m going to have him as much as humanly possible.

Tomorrow I can be sad about it being over. Tomorrow I can be angry at Armstrong. Tonight I’m going to enjoy what’s left of my time with Lex.

Forty-five minutes later I’m still standing at the edge of my bed, trying to make important decisions. My comforter is covered in orgasm-providing devices. They’re organized into three groups; the ones Lex has already tried out with me, the ones I think we should try tonight, and then the ones I’m not totally certain I should bring into the mix. Group one is considerably larger than groups two and three combined.

I keep looking at the stainless-steel butt plug, trying to decide if I want to move it from group three to group two. I bite my thumb, staring at that innocuous piece of virgin steel. It’s about the right size. Almost perfect.

Lex has mentioned this particular toy at least ten times over the course of this vacation. Maybe more. It’s always been in passing, a whisper in my ear when he’s fucking me, telling me how good I feel, how fantastic my ass looks. I’ve been adventurous in my toy selection. Lex is hands down the most fun bed partner I’ve ever had. He never, ever disappoints. Which is why I keep coming back to this. To the possibility that maybe I should give him this one thing I know he wants, because if I’m honest with myself, I want it too. And it’s the one thing Armstrong has never had.

I’m still biting my thumb when the door to my bungalow swings open. I glance at the clock, wondering how long I’ve been standing here, musing over the butt plug. Lex is early. By an hour. He shuts the door behind him, takes a step and then stops, a smirk curving the corner of his sinfully sexy mouth as he motions to the bed. “Had an eventful afternoon?”

I quickly gather the group two and three items. I’m still on the fence about the stainless-steel number, and several other items.

“Don’t feel like you have to put them away. It’s not like I haven’t seen most of it before.”

I can’t get all of the toys to fit in my arms. I consider shoving them off the side of the bed, but at least one is glass, and I don’t want it to break, no matter how sturdy it is. I have to stretch to reach the black rubber cock. It was a bachelorette party gift from Ruby. She thought it was hilarious because it sparkles, she calls it my disco dick. It’s not particularly exciting apart from that, but I brought it anyway.

“I hope you didn’t leave the bungalow in that dress today.”

It’s short. So short that bending over is a hazard, as it’s supposed to be. I decide to play dumb, because it’s fun and that’s what I want tonight to be. Fun. I have a feeling it’s going to be the last I hear of that word for a while once I leave here. “What’s wrong with it?”

“What’s wrong with it?” he echoes.

I glance over my shoulder, fighting a smile as I take in Lex’s dark expression and his parted lips. I drop the armload of sex toys and check the status of my dress. Oh yeah, I’m definitely showing some cheek.

I bought this dress back in college when nightclubbing and barely covered asses seemed like a fun way to rebel. It’s definitely not leave-the-house appropriate, unless I’m getting ready for a shift on a street corner. When I ran across it while packing, I figured Lex might give me a little spanky-spank for wearing something so obscenely short.

“Are you even wearing panties under that?” His voice is low and rough.

I tug at the hem. I can’t believe I ever went out in this. Or that Ruby let me. “Maybe you should check for panty lines.”

Lex’s hands are on my hips and then smoothing over my ass right before he presses his chest against my back. His mouth is at my ear, lips trailing a hot line up my neck. “I had a lot of plans for tonight, but I’m not sure mine match yours.”

“What kind of plans?” I tilt my head and arch so my ass presses against the hard-on making itself known behind Lex’s fly.

“A nice candlelit dinner, maybe a walk on the beach, and then we can come back here and play with some of your toys since you haven’t packed them, and I’m noticing a few I haven’t had an opportunity to try out yet.” His hands come around to cup my breasts and squeeze. “No bra,” he mutters, before trailing a palm down my stomach.

“That all sounds nice, but maybe it would be better if we ordered room service, that way we have more play time.”

“If that’s what you want, I can certainly have dinner brought to us.” Lex skims the hem of my dress and his fingertips dip under. He doesn’t push much material out of the way to confirm what I’m sure he already knows.

“No panties either. I was going to steal them and make them my new pocket square.”

I slap his thigh over the reference to the Halloween soirée several months ago. Armstrong had to cancel at the last minute, which turned out to be a blessing, since my crazy ex with a panty-stealing fetish showed up.

The lightness is replaced with that electric energy that always seems to arc between us as soon as we’re touching. “No matter. I prefer you bare anyway.” Lex brushes over my clit and I exhale a shaky breath.

I will sensation to overpower emotion. I don’t know if it can, though. Everything seems to be blending together. I push down the fear, bottling it up, because I don’t want tonight tainted with the overwhelming sadness I know is coming for me.

“Such a naughty, girl, aren’t you?” His fingers stroke feather light along my slit, barely grazing my clit with each slow pass.

I nod fervently, pressing against his erection, parting my legs to give him better access. I want him to erase everything that came before him. I want this night to last forever. I moan when he continues with the gentle passes, a touch that can’t come close to sating me.

“What am I going to do with you tonight?” He nibbles on my neck.

I turn toward his lips, until they meet my cheek. “You’re going to fuck me, hard and repeatedly.”

“You’re sure about that?” He’s teasing, fingertips sweeping back and forth along the crest of my pelvis.

“Positive.” I hike my dress over my hips so my bare ass is rubbing on his fly. The cool steel of his belt buckle makes my clit throb. Then I reach up to grab the back of his neck so I can gain access to his mouth. “And you’re gonna like it, too.”

He chuckles against my lips, his smile dropping when he cups me with his palm, then pushes two fingers inside. I cry out at the welcome invasion.

“I’m one hundred percent sure I’m going to love every second.” He slips his tongue between my lips, fucking my mouth to the same rhythm as his fingers inside me.

I’m needy, desperate for him. I cover his hand with mine, pushing his fingers deeper, grinding my ass on his cock. I want him naked and inside me. I want this feeling to never end. He keeps pumping his fingers, curling them faster and harder until I’m moaning and shaking, no longer able to kiss him because I’m coming too hard.

With his arm wrapped around my waist to keep me upright, Lex leans over and swipes his free arm across the mattress, moving sex toys aside, turns me around, and sets me on the edge. I’m still trembling, still pulsing even though his fingers aren’t inside me anymore. I yank the dress over my head and then reach for his belt, fumbling hopelessly as I try to unclasp it. I growl in frustration when I can’t get it right away.

“Hey.” Lex’s hand covers mine.

My eyes flip up to his. “I want this off,” I snap.

His gaze searches mine and then his free hand moves up to cup my cheek, thumb stroking along my jaw. “We have all night, Amie.”

“We only have tonight left.” I want to take the words back as soon as they’re out.

His lips touch mine. “And there are lots of hours in it, so we can take our time enjoying it, can’t we?”

“I don’t want to sleep.”

“Me either.”

“Good.” My relief is already steeped in anguish.

Sixteen: Claim

Lexington

I keep my eyes on Amie as I lean in to kiss her, trying to slow this down. But I feel and understand her panic, even though mine is different than hers. She has to go home to real life and the mess she left behind while I continue to avoid the drama.

Amie slips off the edge of the bed so she’s on her knees in front of me. “I’ll get your pants, you get your shirt.”

“Bossy and impatient, aren’t you?”

“I prefer efficient and excited.”

I caress her cheek, wanting her to know that I’m playing with her, that her impatience is echoed in me. That I want her with the same kind of ravenous hunger she seems to have for me, that the end of our time together is not something I want either.

“Help me get you naked,” she says softly, unfastening the clasp on my belt with shaking fingers.

While I manage my shirt, she unzips my pants and pushes them down my thighs. She laughs in a burst at the boxers covered in lip prints before they’re on the floor, too. She braces one palm on my abs and grips my erection with the other, giving it a slow stroke.

Leaning in, she looks up at me and brushes her lips over the tip, all soft and sweet, those lashes fluttering, those stunning blue eyes locked on mine. They drift closed for a few seconds, and her lips trail back and forth before she turns her head and nuzzles my cock. Fucking nuzzles it. And I know in this moment that I will probably never get over this woman. That these two weeks with her have been simultaneously the best and worst of my life because there will never be another Amie.

There’s no vengeance in this. This isn’t a game for me and it never has been.

I just wanted her. I want her. She’s going to take a huge piece of me with her, a part that isn’t just fueled by lust and desire, but something bigger. A connection I’m not sure exists more than once in a lifetime. And isn’t that just fucked up? She still belongs to someone else on a technicality and there’s no goddamn way she’s ready for what I want from her. Which is everything. All of her. The parts that I can’t have. The heart that’s still broken.

I stroke her cheek, the one my cock isn’t pressed up against, and her eyes open and lift.

Her tongue peeks to touch the slit, purposefully light. “Can you hold my hair for me?” The question is soft, deceptively innocent.

“Amie.” I won’t last two minutes if she does this.

“Please.” She holds up her makeshift ponytail.

I have to close my eyes against the sight of her for a second. In that moment of darkness she gives the tip a wet, open-mouthed kiss.

It’s pointless to fight her, so I push my fingers under hers and wrap her hair around my fist. She’s wild between the sheets, as evidenced by the extensive collection of toys covering the comforter. I watch her face, lids lowered, lashes resting on her cheeks, and wait.

I’m not disappointed. Her eyes open and meet mine at the same time as her fingertips trail from the outside of my thighs to my knees. Then she strokes up her own thighs, reaching behind her to grip her ankles, giving me control.

I groan, because even though I know this is coming, it still gets me every single time. This woman, so ferocious in bed, puts me in charge of how she moves, how much she takes, how deep I go when I fuck her gorgeous mouth. As predicted I don’t have the longevity I’d like. Far too soon I’m chanting the word fuck as I come.

Lifting her up with one arm around her waist, I shove things out of the way as I lay her on the comforter and shoulder my way between her thighs, licking her until she comes again, giving me enough time to recuperate. Not that I need much, because my hard-on doesn’t ease up in the slightest.

I kiss a leisurely path up her body, pausing at her nipples before I finally return to her mouth. Something cold bumps against my forearm, dragging my attention away from her perfect face.

I grin as soon as I realize what it is. Pushing up on one arm, I nab the toy. It has some heft to it, and it’s cool to the touch. I hold it up for Amie to see. “I want you to tell me about this.”

She pulls out the sass. “Well, it’s called a butt plug and it’s made of stainless steel.”

“Interesting.” I drop my hips so my cock is nestled between her legs and grin. “Do you like it?”

“It’s new. I haven’t had a chance to use it.”

Ah, fuck. This just keeps getting better and better. “Do you think we should fix that tonight?”

She bites her lip, glancing at the plug in my hand and then back at me. “We can try. Maybe see if I can handle it?”

“If you can handle this, you can handle me.” My cock kicks. “Would you like that?”

She moans softly.

“Is that a yes? You want me to fuck your pretty ass, Amie?” She nods once and I roll my hips, cock sliding over her clit. “Talk to me. Tell me what you want.”

On a tremulous breath, she wraps her legs around my waist, tilting her hips up. “I want you in me everywhere.”

My smile echoes hers. “Be explicit, please.”

“I want you to fuck me like this.” She shifts her hips and I slip low, the head nudging inside all that soft, warm, and wet. “With nothing between us.”

We’ve had condomless sex a few times over the past two weeks on the heels of a brief discussion about safety. Amie’s on the pill, but we still use condoms most of the time just to be safe. Tonight I’ll give in to her, though. I ease inside, slow and controlled.

“And then I want you to get my ass ready for your cock.”

My hips meet hers on a low groan.

“Was that explicit enough for you? Or do you need more details?”

“I like details.” I rock against her, staying deep so I can hit that spot that makes her eyes roll up and her muscles clench.

“I want you to take me every way you can. I want you to fuck my ass until I come. I want to feel you everywhere in me even when you’re not with me.”

My thrusts speed with every dirty admission and detail she provides until we’re skin slapping, sweat dripping, bed rocking. I don’t slow down until she’s screaming my name as an orgasm rolls through her. When she recovers, I pull out and flip her onto her stomach. Then I take a moment to move most of the sex toys to the carry-on lying open on the floor, keeping only the lube and the plugs—all three of them.

Amie watches me with her cheek resting on her folded arms, her breaths still quick and shallow. Once the comforter is cleared, I drag a single finger down her spine, enjoying her shiver.

She starts to push up, lifting her ass in the air, so I place a palm at the base of her spine to stop her. She glances over her shoulder at me, confused until I stretch out on top of her, moving her hair to the side so I can kiss and nibble her neck. “We’re going to take it slow tonight from here.” She twists enough that she can find the back of my neck with her palm. As we kiss she pushes her hips up, my cock nestling in the cleft of her ass.

I’m in no rush, even though I’m aware that every passing moment brings us closer to the end. I want to draw it out, make these hours last for years. Eventually her moans turn into pleas for more, so I kiss a leisurely path down her spine until I reach her ass. I don’t stop though, instead I nibble my way across the plush flesh, kneading and kissing and biting. I’m straddling her legs, so she can’t push up the way she’d like to. The longer I hold back, the more she wants what I haven’t given her.

As soon as I lift my weight she pushes up on all fours and smoothes her hand across the comforter, grabbing for the travel-sized version of the lube that was not confiscated at the airport.

Popping the cap she holds it out, but instead of dropping it in my hand she squeezes, cool liquid running down my fingers. I rub them together, then drag the tips along the divide. I circle the tight opening over and over, not penetrating, applying the tiniest bit of pressure before I circle again. At least until she pushes back. Resistance gives way and her head drops, back arching as I ease one finger into her perfect, tight ass. As promised, I take it slow, adding a second finger, listening to her soft sounds grow deeper and louder, less delicate and more primal.

She groans my name when I add another finger and clutches the comforter tightly.

“Is this okay, baby?” I think it is. I’ve become fairly adept at reading her level of enjoyment over the past two weeks.

She exhales a shuddering breath with the slow, deep penetration. “Better than okay. So good, Lex.”

“You’ve got three of my fingers, what do you want me to replace them with?”

She stills. “Three?”

“You sound surprised.”

“You have big hands,” she murmurs.

I keep finger fucking her ass, slow and easy, spreading them, stretching her. “Should I just try the steel?”

Long moments pass and I beg the gods of anal to give me the all-clear, which is when she says, “You can try.”

I leave my fingers where they are, hoping this is going to help pave the way for my cock. I grab the plug, sliding the cold steel over her clit. Amie sucks in a breath. “What are you going to do?”

“Warm it up for you.” My fingers stay where they are while I tease her pussy with the plug. When she’s ready I exchange my fingers for the plug, easing it in inch by slow, steady inch.

The needy sounds she makes, and her soft whimpers and pleas, are exactly what I want to hear.

When her ass is full of plug, I fuck her, holding her body against me, keeping pressure on the end. Her neck is craned at an awkward angle, so we can kiss and maintain our connection. She comes on a scream, nails raking across my shoulders as she tries to hold on, biting my lip as she bucks.

When she sags in my arms. I lay her on her side.

“God that was intense,” she sighs.

I tuck her body in close to mine, her back against my chest, her damp hair sticking to her neck. I kiss her shoulder. “If you can’t handle more we don’t have to go there.”

She shifts, eyes rolling up at the movement since the plug is still filling up her ass and I’m still filling her pussy—and I’m still hard because I haven’t come.

She touches my lips with fingers that tremble. “I want it. I want you everywhere. I want this with you.”

I kiss her softly for minutes that seem like hours. When she’s languid in my arms I ease out and then I remove the plug. I’m not much bigger, so she’s as ready as she’s ever going to be to accommodate me.

And she does accommodate. She’s still on her side, eyes on mine as I sink into her, pushing past the resistance. I ease inside her, tight and slow and controlled. When my cock is finally all snug up in her ass I slip my fingers between her legs and circle her clit. She arches and fists the sheets, chanting oh my god as an orgasm rolls through her.

Amie’s mouth drops open, eyes hazy with need and desire when my hips meet her ass. “That’s it, baby, you’ve got all of me.”

“This feeling, it’s indescribable.” Her shaking fingers brush over the base of my cock.

“Talk to me. Try and find the words to explain the feeling.” I lean over her, getting in close, one hand on either side of her, caging her, protecting her, my thigh pressed into the crook of her knees. We stay like that, lips barely touching as I stay deep and fuck her slow.

“You make everything so . . .”

“Everything so what?”

“Real. Perfect. Endless. I don’t want it to end. I don’t want to lose this.” I feel the pain of her words in my chest.

“I’m right here, going nowhere.” But she is, sooner than either of us want.

There’s nothing wild and untamed about the way we claim each other. It’s not fast and hard. It’s intimate and soft, it’s trust and gentleness. When she comes her eyes are on mine.

Afterward we go for a swim, followed by a bath. It’s late by the time we order dinner and later still when we climb back into bed again. I can feel her fear expanding with every passing hour. At three in the morning I watch her pack up all her sex toys. She rides me hard after that, desperation bringing back the wildness.

At four-thirty she curls into my side. “Set an alarm just in case I nap for too long,” she whispers.

She has to leave for the airport in two hours. I’m going with her. I stroke her hair and kiss her forehead. “For how long from now?”

“Half an hour.”

I set it for an hour. We’re both exhausted. Bodies spent. I feel her tears on my chest and I hold her tighter. “You want to talk about it?”

She shakes her head and sniffs. “I don’t want to go home.”

I kiss her forehead. “I know.”

“I wish I could play pretend a little longer.”

“Me, too. Then I could go anal on you again.” I make light of it, because if I don’t I’m going to say something I shouldn’t. Like telling her she should cancel her flight. That she should stay here with me until I go home—I have no set end date, we could stay here for weeks if she wanted to. I want to tell her it doesn’t have to end here. But I know it does. She has an estranged husband to deal with back in New York. One I’m related to. I’m an escape, not a long-term reality for Amalie.

She laughs but it ends on a soft sob. “I’m sorry. I didn’t want to do this.”

“Do what?” There’s a tightness in my chest I don’t want to think too much about.

“Get emotional.”

I caress her cheek, wetness cooling my fingertips. “Can I help distract you?”

“I don’t know if my body can handle any more of your distractions.”

“I could just kiss you, wherever you want me to.”

She lifts her head, eyes shiny with tears she’s losing the fight against.

Amie taps my lips and then hers. “Start right here.”

So I do. I kiss her until the alarm goes off and our time runs out.

Seventeen: Alone and Lonely

Amie

“This is me.” I turn to Lex, who looks amazing and exhausted, the latter of which I’m sure is mirrored in me. Neither of us has slept, not even for a second. My lips are chapped, my body is sore, muscles aching and tight. My eyes are puffy and they feel like they have sand in them every time I blink.

He rolls my carry-on to a stop, which he insisted on being responsible for. This time it’s not full of sex toys, those are checked, so I won’t have to worry about being embarrassed while going through security.

He sweeps my hair over my shoulder and smiles. That’s his thing, I realize, the hair touching. He did it countless times last night. When we weren’t having sex, we were touching endlessly, like we were trying to fit in a lifetime of physical connection into those remaining hours.

“Thanks for making my honeymoon not suck.” I laugh at how awful that sounds. God, this is harder than I thought it would be. I can’t decide if I don’t want to go home because of what I have to face, or because I really don’t want to leave Lex, or if it’s a combination of both, or if one influences the other. My emotions are frayed like spliced wire.

“Thanks for making this the best work trip I’ve ever been forced to take.” He steps into me, wrapping me up in a tight hug.

I press my face into his chest, willing the tears not to come, but they do anyway. I should be out of them by now. My body shakes with the effort to silence the sob pushing its way up my throat. Lex’s lips brush my temple, his palm curving to cup the back of my head. “Shhh, it’s okay, baby, everything is going to be fine. You’re going to be fine. You’re stronger than you realize.”

“I don’t want to go.”

“I know. I don’t want you to go either.” He tips my chin up. His eyes meet mine for the briefest moment before they fall closed, sealing his emotions behind them. Ones I recognize. Ones that feel all too familiar. He dips down to press a soft kiss to my lips.

I’m sure he means to keep it chaste, but the second we connect all the desperation comes bubbling to the surface, erupting like a volcano, and suddenly we’re devouring each other. I feel the loss of him in my chest already. I don’t want to walk away from this, but there’s no other choice. This isn’t love, this is lust and comfort, this is a diversion from a life I don’t want to go back to. These are the things I tell myself so I’ll be able to let him go.

I pull away first. His resigned sigh echoes in my heart. He presses his lips against my forehead and then releases me. When our eyes meet his gaze is void of emotion, as if he’s shut them all down, locked them away. I don’t know if I’m as successful at hiding the way I feel right now.

His voice is as flat as his expression. “Have a safe flight.”

My smile is forced, weak. “I will.”

“Bye, Amalie.” I like it better when he calls me Amie.

“Bye, Lex.” I grab the handle of my carry-on. My legs feel wooden as I walk toward the security check. Tears track down my cheeks and drop to my shirt faster than I can wipe them away. I don’t turn to see if he’s still there.

I don’t understand why it feels like my heart is cracking open in my chest. Or why this ending hurts so much worse than what Armstrong did to me.

My security check goes without incident. I sit in the lounge and order a breakfast that goes uneaten, my exhaustion so complete that all I can do is periodically lift the napkin in my lap to wipe away the tears that won’t stop falling. There’s no relief in getting on the plane, just dread rooting itself deep in my stomach, making it roll.

An elderly woman who apparently doused herself in an entire bottle of perfume takes up the seat next to me. She seems rather preoccupied with my teary face and my constant sniffles, but my one-word responses eventually dissuade her from her continued questions and I’m able to close my eyes. The tears don’t stop for a long time, and my mind is spinning, but I finally fall asleep with the help of some sinus meds and a small bottle of champagne.

The eighteen-hour flight home seems to take twice as long, even though I sleep through a good portion of it. My eyes are puffy and swollen, so I cover them with sunglasses. Cold New York weather greets me after I’ve collected my bags. The dismal, dreary winter the perfect accompaniment to my somber mood.

My apartment is exactly how I left it; tidy, apart from a few papers on the counter and the checklist for the wedding stuck to the fridge. I tear down the list and the magnet keeping it there falls to the floor, breaking in two neat pieces. It’s a heart with Armstrong + Amalie written in the middle. I toss the fragments into the garbage, thinking about how it’s pretty much my life right now; fractured crap. I haven’t checked email once since I’ve been away, which was probably a bad idea, but then so was marrying Armstrong. Complete avoidance mode seemed easier than dealing with life for the past three weeks.

I fire up my laptop. While I wait for the updates to load, I message Ruby to let her know I’m home safely. Lex’s contact sits below it, my mother farther down, my brothers below that. I kept in touch with everyone while I was away, but there was no real discussion about how I would handle things with Armstrong upon my return, beyond getting him to sign the annulment papers, which still hasn’t happened.

I stare at my phone for a long while, debating whether I should let Lex know I’m home. He didn’t ask me to message. At no point did he suggest continued communication once I returned to New York, and neither did I. And as much as I want to maintain contact, I don’t know that it’s fair to him or me. We defined the boundaries in Bora Bora. It can’t be anything more. Not while I’m still married and not while I’m trying to put my life back together.

Besides, I don’t even know if it’s possible for it to be more anyway. Being together will complicate his life and mine, especially since he’s related to my soon - to - be - ex - husband. I can’t imagine Lex wanting to invite that kind of discord into his life. Keeping the lines of communication open will just confuse things—and make it harder for me to let go.

I scroll through the endless messages back and forth over the past weeks. And, of course, I start to cry again. I miss him so much already. Which is why I go to his contact, scroll down, and hover my thumb over the red delete button. I have to take several deep breaths before I screw my eyes shut and touch the screen, erasing him. My heart aches sharply, and my regret is immediate and painful as tears pool and fall. My reaction to this loss is how I know I’ve done the right thing. I can’t change what’s happened between us, or make it more than what it is.

After half an hour of tears, I finally get it together and log into my email. I have 357 new ones. This requires coffee. I put on a pot, take a much-needed shower while I wait for it to brew, and return to my laptop feeling slightly refreshed. Not even close to decent, but better than I did fifteen minutes ago. I begin the process of opening emails, responding to the important ones, deleting anything junky.

I’m through the first two hundred—most of them emails from all the wedding vendors I subscribed to—when I spot the one from work, which is odd, since this is my personal account. I wasn’t even going to tackle the work ones until later. I’m not expected for another two days. Not that I’m going to go in. At least not to perform any kind of actual job. My plan is to draft a resignation letter and drop it off. I have enough contacts in this industry, I’m highly employable, and the last thing I want is to be under Armstrong’s thumb.

I click the email, which is tagged as urgent. A single paragraph appears on the screen; it’s from Armstrong’s personal assistant, Savannah. I wonder if she’s on the list of women he cheated on me with.

I have to read the email twice before it sinks in. I’m being transferred to another department. Or I already have been. The date seems to correspond quite nicely with our second altercation in Bora Bora. As I read on, my irritation turns to rage. Based on my new job title this isn’t a department transfer, it’s a demotion. My salary is being cut by nearly fifty percent.

That fucker.

I have to hold on to the edge of the table so I don’t throw my computer, or my coffee mug, or any other breakable thing across the room.

This shouldn’t come as a surprise, now that I’ve experienced the real Armstrong. There’s no way he’s getting away with this. I shove away from the table and stalk to my bedroom, aggressively searching my closet for my most professional-yet-sexy outfit. I ruin three pairs of hose with my jabby frustration. Anger is so much easier to manage than sadness and heartbreak.

I’m further delayed by my rightful wrath-fueled vengeance when I realize my eyes are still disturbingly puffy. I have to lie on my bed for thirty minutes with chamomile tea bags over them until the swelling has gone down enough that I look human again.

I spend another forty-five minutes on makeup that looks deceptively natural, a few minutes on my hair, which thankfully doesn’t need much work, and then I gather all of Armstrong’s things, print out the paperwork Pierce and his colleague sent me regarding the annulment, and call an Uber.

The eyes of my soon-to-be-former colleagues follow me as I strut, head held high, through the office. I feel none of my fake confidence as I spot Savannah sitting at her desk, the very pretty barrier barring my way to Armstrong’s office. She furiously thumb types a message on her phone when she sees me coming, but I pick up the pace, heedless of the pain in my big toe—I’d forgotten how beaten up the nail was after two weeks without heels.

I slam Armstrong’s box of crap on her desk, causing her to fumble her phone. Before she can recover, I snatch it from her desk.

She pushes up and hisses lowly. “That’s mine! You can’t be here!”

I hide it behind my back. “Oh? I can’t be here? I work here, Suzanna.”

“It’s Savannah.” She comes around the desk as I check the message she just sent. It’s a warning to Armstrong that I’m here. Except she refers to me as the Frigid Bitch. I’m far from frigid. She makes a grab for the phone, but I hold it over my head. I’m taller than she is by several inches, so it’s well out of reach.

I recognize that I’m being extremely juvenile, that people are watching this exchange. I should be leaving this job with some dignity still intact, but based on the way people are whispering and looking at me, I have a feeling that’s not the way it’s going to go down, so I’m going to be my best bad self.

“What else would I find if I scrolled through these messages? Huh, Shannon?”

The rapid flutter of her lashes and her wide-eyed, panicked stare indicate that I already have the answer. Her fists clench and release, she takes a step forward, then stops. “Don’t make a scene.”

I laugh. Loudly. If I’m going to embarrass myself, I’m taking her along for the ride. “Don’t make a scene? Don’t make a scene?” I cross my arms over my chest. “I know.”

“Know what?” She’s a terrible liar.

“Oh come on. You’ve been blowing my goddamn husband.”

She blinks like she’s staring at a strobe light. “I-I-I. You’re . . . you . . . I’m not—”

I wave my hand dismissively. “You’re just one of many mouths he likes to put his dick in, so don’t feel special. Speaking of the cheating dickbag, where is Armstrong?”

Her spine straightens. “You’re just jealous because you weren’t enough for him.”

Dear God, I have never wanted to bitch slap someone so much as I do right now. I don’t bother responding. She’s right, in a way. I’m not enough for him, but no one seems to be. How someone can have such a big ego when they lack competence in the bedroom is a real wonder. I’m stunned by how many women are willing to put his subpar penis in their mouth. I have to wonder exactly what these women are getting out of it.

I move around her, toward his office. I have a resignation letter to submit and annulment papers to hand him, since he’s been avoiding them.

She rushes to get in front of me in her hooker heels and her Ace bandage skirt. “He’s not in his office.”

Seriously, her acting skills are weak. “Oh no?”

“He’s in a meeting. You can’t see him right now.”

“Really? Well, Shelly, since I’m still legally his wife, I’m pretty sure I have a right to do whatever I feel like.”

I fake right and she stumbles back a step, clearly afraid of me, which is smart. I’m a bit unhinged right now. I yank open the door, half hoping his meeting is with one of the women he’s cheated on me with.

Unfortunately, it’s not. It’s some plugged-up CEO type who I vaguely recognize.

“Amalie!” Armstrong feigns surprise, his wide eyes darting to Savannah in accusation.

“You pencil-dicked little shit.”

He laughs, as if it’s a joke, and nervously tugs his tie. “I’m in the middle of a meeting, darling. Now really isn’t the time.” Warning puts bite into his tone.

Screw his disapproval.

“It’s too bad I don’t really give a fuck what you’re in the middle of. You know what else is too bad, that you didn’t give a fuck that we were in the middle of our wedding reception when you decided to get a blow job from someone who wasn’t me! And then you have the gall to demote me? You’re a spineless sonofabitch.” I’m surprised I haven’t broken glass with the way my voice rises. I take it down a notch or seven as I address Mr. Plugs. “I’m so sorry to interrupt. This will just take a minute.”

Armstrong lifts a hand to placate him, which is stupid, because I’m about to go off. All these months of pent-up irritation are about to explode out of me. “It’s fine, there’s no need to leave, Thurston.”

His gaze darts back and forth between me and Armstrong. “You clearly have bigger issues to deal with at the moment.”

“Amalie can come back when our meeting’s over, can’t you, darling?”

I flip him the bird. “Don’t you darling me, you cheating ass.”

Armstrong’s smile is appropriately strained as he tugs on his tie. “I’ll have Savannah call you to reschedule.”

“I don’t think that will be necessary.”

“But we—”

He stops him with a wave of his hand. “I’ll call your father and explain. I’m not sure a merger with Moorehead Media is in our best interests right now.”

He gathers his briefcase and turns his rueful smile on me. “Miss Whitfield, I hope the next time I see you it’s under better circumstances.”

I return his smile with a fake one of my own. “Me too. My apologies for interrupting your meeting, but I just found out my useless husband demoted me while I was out of the country and he was off screwing around on me with every debutante in New York.” I’m definitely unbalanced. Thank God the door is closed and it’s only Armstrong and Thurston here to witness my spiral down.

Thurston purses his lips and glances at Armstrong, his distaste clear. “I might just stop by your father’s office so I can explain in person why I feel like business with this company is an unsavory option.”

As soon as he leaves Armstrong slaps his palm on the table. “What the hell is wrong with you? You just sabotaged a deal!”

“It’s always about you, isn’t it?” I toss the phone on the desk. “That’s Savannah’s.”

He blinks and blinks again.

“Nothing to say about that?” I cock my head to the side. “How many of your employees are you screwing around with? What kind of incentive are you providing for their services, because it certainly isn’t your exemplary bedroom skills.”

His smooths his tie again, as is his nervous habit. “This kind of childish reactionary behavior is rather beneath you, don’t you think, Amalie?”

“You’re one to talk! Doesn’t demoting me fit into that category?”

“You assaulted me and threatened me. You used my credit card without my permission, destroyed my personal property, whored yourself out during our honeymoon. You’re lucky my lawyer convinced me not to press charges or sue you.”

I can’t believe what I’m hearing. I don’t even recognize the man I’m looking at right now. Or maybe I do. Maybe I chose not to see this version of him, always lurking beneath the pretty, polished exterior. “Who are you?”

“You need to consider carefully how you want to proceed, Amalie. Some things we just need to put behind us, don’t we? Now it’s clear you’re still struggling with how this is going to work—”

“I’m not struggling at all.” I slap the annulment papers on his desk.

He frowns. “What are these?”

“Annulment papers. The same ones you’ve been sent three times, according to Pierce. Sign them.”

“You’re being rash, Amalie.”

“What planet are you living on? How delusional are you? You’ve admitted to cheating on me even though you don’t think blowjobs qualify for whatever convoluted reason. Just sign the papers and this can be over.”

He slides them calmly across the desk and shuffles them together. “I’ll have my lawyer review them.”

I fight with my fists not to slam into his horrible, smug face. With shaking hands I withdraw my letter of resignation from my bag and drop it on the desk. “I quit, by the way.”

“Are you certain you want to do that?”

I don’t understand how he can be so calm. I think he might actually be psychotic. “I’ve never been so certain of anything in my life.” I lean in close, meeting his placid blue gaze. There’s no emotion behind him. Nothing at all. “I hate you, Armstrong. I loathe you. You make me sick, the thought of you ever touching me again makes me want to vomit. If I never see you again it would be too soon.”

“Well that’s not going to happen, is it? Your best friend is dating my cousin. It’s only a matter of time before Bancroft proposes. I’ve heard he’s only holding off because of your unstable mental state.”

His words are a slap in the face. Ruby and Bane having been living together for a while, but it hasn’t even been a year. I can’t tell if this is Armstrong’s way of baiting me, or if this ridiculousness he’s spewing actually has merit.

“And even if he doesn’t propose, we’re bound to be at the same events, dinners, that kind of thing. You’ll come around eventually, Amalie. I’d hoped your time in Bora Bora would have gotten all this rebellion out of your system, but it’s clear you need more time. You should try to get yourself under control soon, before you completely undo all my hard work.” He gestures to my face. “I’m amazed you would leave the house looking like that.”

“You’re unbelievable.” I have to force myself away from him, lest I wrap my hands around his throat and squeeze until his stupid, unjustly inflated head pops off.

I leave before I can say or do anything else that could get me sued. Or sent to prison.

Eighteen: Home

Lexington

“I’m impressed.”

Those are words I rarely hear from my father. I keep my fingertips pressed against the table so I don’t give away my nerves. “Based on the stats I ran, with the proposed changes we could see an increase in revenue by five percent this year.”

My father taps on the arm of his chair, exactly the way I want to. All the Mills men seem to have adopted that habit. I’m working to curtail it. “Those are excellent numbers.”

“It should also translate into a boost in ratings, putting us back over a four-point-six for the review sites.”

“That’s even better news.” My father leafs through the spreadsheets. “You really put in some serious effort, Lexington. I was worried when you wanted to extend the trip that maybe things hadn’t gone as I’d hoped, but you covered a lot of ground and managed projects I hadn’t intended to tackle until next year. We’re well ahead of schedule. I know this was a difficult situation for you, so I’m glad so much good could come out of it. I’m proud of the way you handled this.”

Instead of coming home when I was finished working on the Bora Bora projects the week after Amie left, I took it upon myself to head to California, with my father’s permission. I spent an additional three weeks planning a similar overhaul to the spa services department there, emulating closely the changes we made in Bora Bora, thanks to Amie’s suggestions.

I haven’t heard from her since she left. Nothing. Not a single text. I figured she’d at least message to let me know she made it home. But it’s been silence since she walked away from me in the airport.

It should be a good thing. We agreed that what happened between us would stay in Bora Bora. It’s far too complicated to bring it back here. She’s fragile. But during the time we spent together it felt like more than just sex and distractions, and that’s not her fault. It’s mine. These are the things I keep telling myself every time I compose a message to ask how she is. I delete it before I give in to the urge to send it. I can’t delete her contact though, even if I should.

If things were different, then maybe . . . but they’re not.

And now that I’m home, back in the same city she is, all those what-ifs are clawing their way to the surface of the mental grave I buried them in.

“So what’s next?”

“You should take a few days off. You deserve it.”

I nearly fall out of my chair. That’s huge coming from my father. But I can’t do that right now. I need to get out of my head. I need something to focus on that isn’t Amie. “I just spent the better part of two months by the ocean, I’m good. I just want to get back to work.”

He’s silent for a few moments, possibly shocked. I’m usually the first one to jump on the chance for a few days of sweet fuck all. “Griffin and Bancroft are working on the New York hotel renovations. Would you like to consult with them about the spa service upgrades you’re proposing in Bora Bora and California and see if anything would work here? I’m sure Bancroft would be happy to have the help with Griffin heading to Asia in a few weeks.”

“I can do that. What about an independent project after that?”

The tapping starts again. “Everything okay with you and your brothers?”

“Everything’s fine.” I’m just worried Bane is going to pick up on things I don’t want him to. We talked regularly while Amie was in Bora Bora, mostly him checking up on me, making sure I wasn’t doing things I shouldn’t, even though I was.

“Give me a couple of days, I’ll see what I can come up with.”

“Perfect. Thanks, Dad.” I gather up the folders, already mentally reviewing what I think will transfer seamlessly from the Bora Bora hotels to New York.

“Lexington.”

I shift my gaze from the stacks of paper in front of me to him.

“This is the kind of work I’ve been waiting for from you. Keep it up.”

This is what I’ve been striving for, and I’m surprised by how much it means to have my dad’s approval and praise on this. I worked hard, despite being a little distracted for a couple of weeks. This proves, not only to my father, but to myself, that I can do this. I can take over this company and make my father proud.

“I can’t take full credit for it. Amalie was a big help.”

He sits up straighter. “Oh? In what way?”

“Revamping the spa services. The best suggestions are hers.”

My father smiles. “Well, I’ll have to send her a thank-you for that.”

“I could do that.” What am I thinking, telling my dad about her involvement?

“You don’t need to worry about that. Just have Ursula organize it. Maybe Amalie would like some services at one of the New York hotels.”

“That would be perfect. I could include Ruby. They could go together.”

“Excellent idea. I feel bad for that poor girl. Your cousin’s behavior has been unconscionable. Your mother is just disgusted with the whole thing.”

“Is Mom okay?” The stress of this would be bad for her emotionally and physically. I spoke to her at least every other day while I was away, but my mother is very good at covering things when she needs to. It’s how she made it through the cancer scare with very few people being aware.

My father drums on the desk. “She’s not talking to Gwendolyn right now, which, between us, isn’t a bad thing, but it’s upsetting your mother and I don’t know what to do about it.”

My father has never been a fan of my aunt, but he tolerates her because he loves my mother. Despite the love-hate relationship my mother has with her sister, she’s always been close to her, as close as she can get, anyway.

“I’d planned to stop by and see Mom this afternoon.”

“I suspected you would. She’s missed you, as she does.” The tapping resumes. “I would never say this to your brothers, and she would never in a million years admit it, but if there was a favorite . . .” He lets it hang before he switches gears. “She’ll be free this afternoon. She always tells you things she won’t tell anyone else. Take the afternoon off and spend some time with her, that’s an order.”

“Yes, sir.”

I gather my things and call my mother, who’s ecstatic to have me home and can’t wait to see me. I’m not exactly a momma’s boy, but she and I have always been close. When I was younger and got into trouble—which happened most when I was around Armstrong—she was always the one to come to my defense. I think she felt some level of responsibility for always throwing us together, even though we didn’t always get along.

Since my mother won’t be available for a while and the jet lag is starting to catch up with me, I pack my bag, tell my assistant I’m leaving for the day, and head out. I need some coffee if I’m going to make it through this day.

There’s a nice little café a couple of blocks down and the walk will do me good. I can stop and grab a bite to eat before I call the car. The café is busy, the smell of fresh-baked bread and coffee making my stomach rumble and my mouth water. I join the line, pull out my phone, and check emails out of habit. There are fifteen new ones since I left the office. I review them as the line inches forward, slipping the phone back into my pocket when I reach the counter.

“Hi, Jennie.”

“Lex! It’s been forever! Have you been somewhere warm? You’re so tanned!” She’s in her early twenties with dreads and more piercings than I can count. I like that she doesn’t treat me differently than the bearded hipsters.

“Away on business. Nothing like a beach and a laptop.” I wink.

“So jealous, except the laptop part. The usual?”

“That’d be great. Double espresso, I need the caffeine today, and the Coronation Chicken wrap with the soup of the day, please.”

“Good call. The coconut pumpkin curry is to die for.”

“Everything’s to die for here.” It’s not a chain, which is why I come here.

I pass over my credit card, drop a tip in the jar, and move aside to wait for my order. I scan the tables, there doesn’t seem to be an empty spot in the place.

And that’s when I notice the cascade of blond hair across the room, close to the window facing the street. I know that hair. I’ve had it wrapped around my fist. I’ve had my nose in it, buried my face in it, touched it countless times. I know how it smells and how it feels on my skin.

Her elbow is propped on the table, coffee cup held in one hand. Long legs are crossed over each other, her foot bouncing restlessly, a red heel lying on the floor. The jolt in my chest is echoed in my pants. The chair across from hers sits vacant, a jacket draped over the back. A coffee cup indicates that someone has been sitting across from her recently. I can’t tell if it belongs to a man or a woman. Electric jealousy propels me forward before reasonable thought allows me to better assess my actions.

She doesn’t look up right away as I move into her personal space. I step closer, until my shadow crosses the papers scattered before her and her toe brushes my pant leg. Her head lifts slowly, her coffee cup held daintily in her hands. Her nails are pale pink. The same color they were in Bora Bora.

A thousand images flash through my mind, all of them lurid, all of them making the sudden stiffness in my pants that much harder to control. She sucks in a quick breath and nearly drops her cup. As it is, the contents slosh over the side, onto the papers scattered on the table. The cup rattles against the saucer as she sets it down and lifts her fingers to her lips.

Her eyes, those blue, fathomless eyes, widen as they move over my face and then down my chest before they come back up. She can’t see that I’m hard. My coat covers that issue.

“Lex.” It’s barely a sound in the noisy, crowded café.

I gesture to the empty chair. “Lunch date?” Bitterness serrates the words. It’s an emotion I have no right to.

She glances at the void space, confusion knitting her brow. “What?” Her fingers drift down her throat.

I follow them to the open buttons of her blouse. It’s white, crisp, now dotted with coffee stains. I wonder what kind of bra she’s wearing under it. I wonder if it’s pale satin, or lacy. I wonder if I’ve seen it on her before. If I’ve taken it off her body.

Before I can say anything else a tall man, likely in his mid-to-late thirties, approaches the table. I size him up. He’s average, at best, with a receding hairline. He looks at me uncertainly and then turns his questioning smile on Amie. The color has drained completely from her face.

“Everything okay here, Amalie?” He glances my way briefly.

She forces a tremulous smile. “Yes. F-fine. Norman, this is Lexington Mills, my um, best friend’s boyfriend’s brother, who is also . . . a friend of mine.” She laughs breathily and shakes her head at her explanation. “Lex, this is my colleague, Norman. We were having a working lunch.”

“Your colleague?” The tightness in my chest eases a little. What the hell is wrong with me?

She nods. “Um, yes. Norman has been very helpful showing me the ropes while I settle in at Williams Media.”

Norman’s answering smile is one I want to erase with my fist. “You’re a quick study. It really hasn’t been work at all.”

“You have a new job.” Of course she does. She was working for one of the Moorehead magazines.

“I do. It was a necessary move, all things considered. And more in line with my interests and strengths.” The color rises in her cheeks.

Norman, being the gentleman he apparently is, picks up his jacket. “I’m uh, going to head back to the office and uh, leave you two to catch up, unless . . .” It’s phrased in such a way that he leaves it open for her to join him.

“That would be great. I’ll be back shortly.”

“Take your time. We’ve accomplished about four hours of work in one, so don’t feel rushed.”

“Okay. Thanks.”

He holds out his hand to me. “It was nice to meet you, Lexington.”

I take it because I don’t have another choice, squeezing back harder than necessary. “Likewise, Norman.”

I watch him leave before I turn my attention back to Amie. Amalie. I don’t know who I’m getting right now.

Her fingers flutter close to her lips, lingering there before they drift lower, down to the open buttons at the collar of her shirt. “How”—she has to clear her throat before she can continue—“are you? When did you get back?”

I avoid the first question, because I don’t have an answer to it yet. “Just yesterday.”

She motions to me. “How is it possible you can look this good with jet lag?”

I huff a laugh. “I’m hitting a wall. I’m here for the intravenous caffeine drip.”

“I’d like to hit your wall.” She closes her eyes and cringes. “That came out wrong.”

My name is called, breaking the tension. “My lunch is ready.”

“Do you want to sit with me?” She gestures to the now empty seat.

“Do you want me to?”

Her smile is small, nervous. She nods once.

“I’ll be right back.” I take the empty coffee cup and plate across from her to the counter and grab my lunch, returning to the table, which Amie has cleared of papers.

I shrug out of my jacket and pull my chair in close. “You look good.”

She laughs and looks away, eyes dropping briefly before rising to meet mine again. “Thanks. So do you.”

“How’ve you been?” I don’t like how awkward this is. It was never like this in Bora Bora, but then that was different I guess. We were isolated. Just us and endless hours of exploration without reality to dampen it. Without weeks of separation and another life to get in the way.

“Good. Okay. Coming home was hard.” She fidgets with her coffee cup, opens her mouth like she wants to say something else, but no words come out. She sighs and closes her eyes. “Dealing with all of this has been . . . challenging.”

“Is Armstrong being a jerk?”

“Isn’t he always?”

“If you need anything . . .” I let it hang there, because really, what can I offer her?

“Pierce deals with his lawyer so I don’t have to speak to him directly. I just can’t believe I didn’t see how awful he can be. Or I didn’t want to. He just needs to sign the papers. Anyway, I have this new job, and I like it.”

“Norman seems pretty happy about working with you.”

She crosses her arms over her chest. “He’s married.”

“Doesn’t mean he’s not interested.”

“He can be interested all he wants, I’m not interested in making my life any messier than it already is.”

I should keep my mouth shut and leave it alone, but I can’t. “Is that why I haven’t heard from you?”

Her eyes, which have been focused on her coffee cup, lift to meet mine. I’m not sure how to read the emotion in them, but she seems surprised by the question. “I thought that’s what you wanted. What we agreed was best.”

“To not hear from you at all? Amie, we’re going to see each other on occasion. It’s unavoidable. You can still talk to me. I can still be a friend.”

Her fingers shake against the cup. “Can you?”

The answer to that question is I don’t know. Probably not is more accurate. But seeing her, being here with her, makes me want to see more of her. “Be your friend? I can be whatever you want.” I reach across the table and stroke the back of her hand. Even the benign contact meant to soothe sends fire through my veins. All that electric lust shuts down every rational part of my brain. The parts that knows I should walk away, but can’t. Her eyes drift closed and her breath leaves her on a soft whimper. “Tell me what you want, Amie.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Why not?”

She meets my gaze with an imploring one of her own. “I’m still married, even if it’s only on paper. If anyone found out about us, it would make this so much worse.”

“That’s okay. No one has to know.”

“Is that really okay for you?”

“It is if you want it to be.” I shouldn’t be pushing her, but I don’t want to leave behind what happened in Bora Bora. It’s not fair of me. She’s right to say it’s not a good idea. The wedding was two months ago, and she’s only been home for a few weeks. Not nearly enough time to get over what’s happened. They’re still sorting things out with lawyers. She’s still technically married and trying to get her feet back under her, and here I am, pulling the rug out by offering her things I shouldn’t.

“I can’t get you out of my head,” she says softly, eyes brimming with conflicted emotion.

I don’t know what the message is that she’s trying to convey. Keep pushing? Don’t push? “Do you want me out of your head?”

Her teeth press into her lip. She doesn’t nod.

“So then stop trying.”

“I should really get back to work.” The waver in her voice is telling. She wants to leave but she can’t. And I’m enough of an asshole to make it even harder to walk away from me.

“How far is work?”

“A couple of blocks.”

“I’ll have my car come get us.” I pick up my phone and fire off a message.

“I can walk that distance faster than a car can drive it.”

“I know.”

“Lex.” Her breathing is shallow, quick.

“He’s around the corner, he’ll be here in less than two minutes.”

She hesitates for a second, then gathers her things, hands trembling as she shoves file folders in her bag. I help her into her coat, fingers grazing the back of her neck. She makes a soft noise and leans into the touch, and then we’re out the door, stepping into the cold New York afternoon. The car doesn’t even come to a full stop in front of the café before I wrench the door open, motioning for Amie to get in.

“Where’s your office?” I ask as she slides across the seat to make room for me.

She murmurs the address and I bark it to the driver, hitting the button for privacy.

The divider isn’t even fully closed before I’m on her, lips crashing together, teeth clashing. She grabs the back of my neck and moans into my mouth. I mirror the sound, hands roaming her curves through her clothes.

Mouths still connected, she yanks down the zipper on her skirt and shimmies out of it. She’s wearing thigh highs and pale lace panties. “Don’t want to go back to work a wrinkled mess.” She straddles me, fighting with the buttons on my suit jacket because her hands are shaking so much.

I cover them with one of mine. “Are you sure you want to do this?” What the fuck?

“Why ask now?” she snaps.

“I don’t want you to regret me again.”

“I didn’t regret you in the first place.” She gets to work on my belt, freeing the clasp, and popping the button on my pants, pulling down the zipper. Her soft, warm hand wraps around my cock and we both groan. “I can’t wait to feel you in me again. Why do you have to be so good at fucking me?” She’s almost angry, a lamented sound falls from her lips as she strokes me. “Get a condom.”

“Yes, ma’am.” I lift my hips and dig around for my wallet.

She snatches it from me, flipping it open. She pauses for a second, her gaze suddenly hard as she retrieves the foil square. “Have you fucked anyone else?”

I shake my head.

“Good.” She tears the wrapper.

“You?”

“No.”

I cup her through her panties and she arches into the touch. When I try to get under the lace and satin, she pushes my hand out of the way. “You don’t want my fingers first?”

“I just want you.”

“You sure? You’re gonna be sore.” I know this because we’d done it before in Bora Bora and it slowed us down for about twenty-four hours. In the days after she left, I kept going back to that night in particular, thinking about how I would’ve done things differently so I could’ve had more of her.

“Good. I want to feel you into next week.” She uses the head of my cock to push her panties to the side and drops down without any warning.

Her mouth falls open, her shocked gasp a good indicator that some prep would’ve been a better idea. But Christ, does it ever feel good to be inside her again. She grabs my chin, her nails digging into my jaw, lips brushing over mine. “This. You. I can’t.” She bites my bottom lip, fingertip sliding over the tender flesh after she releases it from her teeth.

“You can’t what?”

“Stop. I can’t stop. I don’t want to stop.” Her tongue is in my mouth, hips circling hard, keeping me deep. “Fuck me. Please.”

I grab her hips and lift her, thrusting up as I drop her back down, sheathing myself in her. Her moan is loud, pained even.

I stop, uncertain how to read the tension in her body. This is different than what I know of her. This isn’t like Bora Bora. “Amie.”

She pulls back, eyes blazing, but her words are a plea. “We don’t have a lot of time. Fuck me.”

She lifts until only the head is still inside. I hold her hips, pulling her onto me as she drops. “Like that?”

“Harder.”

I do it again.

“Faster.”

And again.

“More.”

I want this to last. I want it to go on for hours. I want to take her back to my place and get her naked, keep her that way until tomorrow morning. I want coffee and breakfast, I want to watch her get dressed, I want to kiss her as she walks out my door, but all we have are two blocks.

She rides me hard, meeting each thrust, slamming down on me until her mouth falls open and she buries her face against my chest. I can feel her teeth through my suit. The tremor that runs through her body is violent, fabric muffling the sound of her orgasm.

I keep pumping, chasing my release, the feel of her clenching around me pushes me closer to the edge. And then I’m coming, blindingly hard, my rhythm falters, erratic and strained until I still. Amie nuzzles into my neck, breath evening out. I wrap my arms around her, holding her against me, feeling the chasm growing between us even though we’re still connected physically. I’m suddenly exhausted. All this waiting and all I get are five frantic minutes in the back of a car.

We come to a stop and the intercom buzzes. “We’ve arrived, sir.”

I hold her tighter. Our stolen time is about to disappear, and there’s nothing I can do to keep her.

Amie braces on my shoulders and lifts off. She can’t look at me as she adjusts her panties and shimmies back into her skirt, tucking in her blouse and shrugging into her coat almost as quickly as she took it off in the first place. Her hair falls forward, covering her face, palms smoothing down her thighs, nails pressing against her knees. I settle a hand on her back and she shivers.

“Amie.”

“I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

She shakes her head. “Thank you for the ride.” Her breath hitches, her laugh sounds like a sob. “That was . . . I have to go. I need to go.” She grabs her bag and opens the door.

She’s gone before I can say anything else. And really, what can I say? I’m not supposed to have her beyond this even if I want her.

And I do.

I can still taste her. I can still smell her. I can still feel her even though she’s gone. Again.

Nineteen: New News

Amie

Life returns to normal in the month that follows car sex with Lex. Well, as normal as it can be with an estranged husband who still refuses to sign the goddamn annulment papers because he’s an egomaniac. Aside from that one small, annoying glitch, I’m managing fine.

Okay. That’s not 100 percent accurate. My job is good, great even. We’ve started a new series of tutorials that are similar to the ones I made with my mom a few years ago. Not only are they getting great traction for Williams Media, but I’ve also been put in charge of a fundraising event. I’m less than two months in and they’re already talking about giving me a raise and a promotion.

Aside from Ruby, yoga is my best friend, as is Pilates, spin class, and the new self-defense course I’m taking. The post-wedding fiasco rumors are no longer high priority in the pretentious gossip sphere, everyone seems to have moved on to the newest scandal. Pierce is now combing through the prenup I signed to see if we can’t find a way to force Armstrong to stop stalling.

Lex continues to stay on my mind. I dream about him, think about him, fantasize about him, and occasionally I stalk his social media profiles and then cry. But I haven’t messaged him and he hasn’t messaged me. I can’t blame him, considering the way I acted the last time I saw him, or the way I bolted after I rode him like my personal sex toy. I’ve wanted to reach out, but it’s not a good idea since I don’t want to give Armstrong any more ammunition against me, or a reason for new rumors. I need to put Armstrong in my past before I dive into anything else and I can’t ask Lex to be part of that. He doesn’t deserve to be dragged into my crazy.

Beyond that I still haven’t told my best friend that I slept with him. It’s an issue. A big one. I’ve declined three dinners with the Mills family over the past several weeks because I’m afraid Lex might be there. If I see him, I worry the same thing that happened in his car will happen again because I don’t have the willpower necessary to say no.

It’s girls’ night in, since Bane is out with his brothers watching sports, or playing sports, or doing something sporty, because that’s how Bane is. I hate how excited I am over the prospect of being separated from Lex by mere degrees. I also hate that I hope they find a reason to stop by here, even though it’s unlikely.

Ruby pours us both a glass of wine. She’s jittery tonight. Francesca, their illegal pet ferret, is curled up in my lap. She’s adorable, even if she’s a little stinky, and she makes my eyes itchy if I don’t take an antihistamine before I come over. Instead of sitting in the armchair, Ruby drops down on the other end of the couch.

“Are you okay?”

She’s seriously edgy. She keeps wringing her hands and then sitting on them.

“I have to tell you something,” she blurts.

“Is everything all right? Are you knocked up?” It’s entirely possible. She and Bane fuck like feral rabbits. I’d say ferrets, but I don’t actually know the fucking habits of ferrets.

“I’m drinking.” She holds up her glass and takes a sizable sip to assure me that she is not, in fact, knocked up.

“Right. Okay. So what’s going on? You’re kind of freaking me out here.”

“Sorry.” She fidgets some more. “I’m just going to come out and tell you.”

“Tell me what?” I worry it has something to do with Armstrong. He’s been quiet the past few days, not emailing or leaving messages at all. He’s also avoiding the calls from Pierce.

“Bancroft proposed.”

Thanks to my shock, it takes more time than it should before I’m able to open my mouth and make words come out. “Oh my God!” Bancroft is really the perfect person for her.

It breaks my heart that she looks legitimately scared to be telling me this. What’s worse is she has a right to be, because as okay as I try to appear most of the time, she’s the one who sees me fall apart over this whole thing, more often than I’d like. And I haven’t even told her what I’m really falling apart over. I try to keep my voice level. “When did he propose?”

She looks guilty rather than excited. “Don’t be mad, okay?”

I’m reminded of the conversation I had with Armstrong when I handed in my resignation. I wonder if he was right, that they were waiting for me to be okay, and if that’s the case, how off balance have I been this whole time? “I won’t be mad. How long ago did he propose?”

“Last week.”

My stomach feels like is in my throat. “Last week when?”

“Sunday. He took me out for dinner and then when we came home he strapped the ring box to Francesca’s back, it was weird and sweet.”

I laugh, because seriously, what an odd way to propose to someone, but it really is fitting for the two of them. Francesca brought them together. “It sounds perfect. Why didn’t you tell me before now?”

She’s sitting on her hands again. “I should’ve. I was going to, but then you had that bad day and I thought it might be better to wait awhile.”

I filter back through the past week. The last bad day I had came on the heels of an email from Armstrong citing his refusal to sign the annulment until we’d met to discuss the terms. I hated being in this constant state of limbo, with the person I didn’t want keeping me tied to him and the person I wanted completely out of reach. I missed Lex. I wanted to call him, see him, just be with him, but I couldn’t. Not here in New York, not while Armstrong refuses to set me free.

“I’m sorry you couldn’t share your excitement with me.” I don’t want to be sad right now. I want to be happy for my best friend, for the person who put aside her elation to shield me from my self-inflicted pain.

She pats my knee. “It’s okay. I know how hard this has been for you.”

I wave a hand around determined not to break down. “Let me see the damn ring!”

She laughs, her relief understandable since my emotions have been so tenuous lately, and holds out her hand. It’s stunning and exactly perfect for Ruby. It’s not a huge rock. Instead, a princess-cut diamond sits nestled in white gold, smaller diamonds encasing it and fanning out along the band. It’s unique and beautiful.

I skim the diamonds. “He picked this out on his own?”

“I think Mimi helped him a little.”

“It’s gorgeous. Have you thought about a date?” I wonder if it’s possible to have wedding PTSD, or to develop a phobia of weddings with how clammy my skin is.

“Maybe summer. Or fall? I know it’s not really a lot of time, but I don’t know that we need it. I already live with him. I don’t need some big to-do. We’ll see. It’s all kind of new, right? Mimi’s already talking about an engagement party, and of course she wants it to be in one of the New York hotels.” She’s fidgeting again, like she’s nervous. “I’ll understand if you don’t want to be in the wedding party . . .” She trails off.

“Of course I’ll be in your wedding. My experience isn’t going to get in the way of me standing up for my best friend.”

“I just . . . I know how stressful he’s made this. I can’t guarantee Armstrong won’t be at the wedding. I mean, I don’t want him there, but he’s Bancroft’s family, and it’s kind of a complicated situation. I can tell you that Bancroft won’t hesitate to punch him out if he’s a jerk to you, though.”

“I can deal with Armstrong.” It’s Lex who’s going to be the problem. I have no idea how to handle this situation with him anymore.

“We’re having dinner with Bane’s family tomorrow night. Mimi wants to talk about the engagement party, and if you’re okay to be part of the planning, you could come, but I totally understand if it’s too much too soon.”

“Of course I’ll come. I want to be involved.”

“Great. Awesome. I’ll tell Mimi. Griffin is going to be there, and Lex, obviously. They’ll both be in the wedding party.”

Oh God. Of course he’s going to be involved. Probably heavily. We’re going to be seeing a lot of each other in the coming months.

Ruby eyes me warily. “What is that face about?”

Telling Ruby about what happened in Bora Bora now will just make things more awkward. Not only did I lie to her while I was there and in the months since I’ve been back, but I also do not want Bane knowing. Besides, this is between me and Lex and, no matter what, I won’t betray his confidence over this. “Sorry. It’s nothing.”

Ruby narrows her eyes. “Is it about Lex?”

I shake my head, trying to keep the vigor to a minimum.

“Amie, come on, talk to me. Don’t think I haven’t noticed how you react every time I bring him up. Did something happen in Bora Bora that you’re not telling me about?”

“No. Nothing happened.” I focus on my glass, wishing I didn’t have to keep this from her.

“Are you sure, because you’re being really weird and evasive right now. You’ve declined every dinner you’ve been invited to at the Mills and just the mention of Lex’s name seems to freak you out. Don’t think I haven’t noticed.”

I sigh, preparing for the bitterness of the lie before it comes out of my mouth. I’m a pretty decent liar. I’ve had lots of experience with it over the years, but most of the time I’m concocting lies with Ruby, not telling them to her. “He was nothing but nice to me in Bora Bora. I’m just embarrassed about the way things happened at the wedding, and how he had to come to my rescue on my non-honeymoon. I’m making a bigger deal out of it than it needs to be.”

“You’re sure? It’s okay if you’re not ready for this. I really will understand.”

“I know you would, but honestly, Ruby, it’s nothing I can’t handle.” I lift my glass to my lips and don an impish smile. “It’s not an interrogation room in a Mexican airport, it’s a dinner party with a guy I tried to make screw me.”

Ruby laughs, looking relieved but still uncertain. “I bet he wishes we hadn’t busted in on you.”

“I don’t know about that, I waved gardening shears at him, he was pretty terrified.”

“How did I not know about the gardening shears?”

“How do you think I cut myself out of the dress?”

“I sort of wish I’d been there to witness it.”

“There is only one witness, and thankfully he seems to be good at keeping those details to himself on account of my threats with the shears.”

“That was a real Anarchy Amie moment for you, or series of moments, I guess. I’m glad you let her out to play in Bora Bora, even though I didn’t even get to see one picture of Mr. Hottie Hook-Up.”

“I figured it was better to leave all the evidence behind.” I’m glad I don’t have any pictures of Lex on my phone. Then I’d be able to connect them to specific memories, to a night, to the scent of his skin, to the feel of his lips, to the sound of his voice in my ear.

I have no idea how I’m going to manage seeing him again.

At least it’s a dinner party. I just have to make sure we don’t end up alone.

Twenty: Private Party

Lexington

It’s been more than a month since I’ve seen Amie. Not that I’m keeping track. I’m not obsessed. I’m not fixated. I don’t stroke myself to the pictures I took of her sunbathing in Bora Bora. Because that would be wrong. And a little desperate.

I run my fingers across my ties, trying to decide which one I want to wear tonight. We’re having a dinner party to celebrate Bancroft’s engagement and likely to plan the actual engagement party, because my mother’s favorite thing in the world is party planning. Nothing makes her happier.

Amie’s going to be there. At least I assume she is. She’s Ruby’s best friend. She’ll be in the wedding. I have to wonder how she’s handling this. I’m aware, thanks to Bancroft, that Ruby waited almost a full week after Bane proposed to tell Amie—because she wasn’t managing things well. When I asked what that meant, Bane shrugged and clammed up.

I don’t know if I’m part of the reason for Amie’s inability to handle things. I don’t want to make her life more difficult than it already is, especially since Armstrong is being a huge jackass about the annulment. But I can’t pretend I’m not looking forward to seeing her even if I can’t sleep with her anymore.

It’s obviously a bad idea considering the runner she pulled last time. I should’ve just left things alone, but once we were in the car reasoning took a vacation with logic, leaving my dick in charge. I’ve almost texted her a hundred times over the past few days, but I’m not going to push her to talk to me if she’s not ready. Except tonight we’re going to have to find a way to deal with this, because we’ll be spending time together, no matter what. Maybe not alone time, but time nonetheless.

I choose a purple tie and a white dress shirt to go with my black dress pants and leave my condo early so I can pick up some flowers for my mother on the way.

Traffic is worse than I anticipated, so I’m late instead of on time. My mother greets me at the door, her expression changing from chastising for my lateness to emotional when I present her with flowers, which is silly because it’s not unusual for me to bring them for her. She doesn’t pass them off to one of the staff to put them in water. Instead, she makes me come with her to the pantry to select the right vase, then she has me arrange them and put them on the table in the entryway so she can see them every time she comes home or goes out.

It’s a small gathering, just immediate family and a couple of Bancroft’s old rugby friends, so Amie is the first person I see even though she’s on the other side of the room. Her long blond hair hangs loose around her shoulders. Her knee-length lavender dress skims her curves but doesn’t conform, hiding the perfection that lies underneath. Her heels are gray, and low. The champagne glass in her hand is half full.

“Lex! You’re here!” Ruby abandons her side and runs over, throwing her arms around my neck. She never lacks for an enthusiastic greeting.

“As if I would miss your pre-engagement-party party.” I met Amie’s gaze from over Ruby’s shoulder.

Her smile is tentative and uncertain. She’s in the middle of a conversation with one of my mother’s friends. Her attention returns to her when she leans in and whispers something to Amie.

I don’t have an opportunity to talk to Amie before we’re seated for dinner because I’m pulled into a conversation with my father over business matters, which is not unusual.

She’s seated directly across from me at dinner, beside Ruby, who keeps leaning over and whispering in her ear. Amie seems to be unable to make eye contact with me. I need to get five minutes alone with her, and not to get her naked—which I would definitely like to do—but so we can figure out a way to be near each other without it being incredibly awkward, or obvious that there’s something going on. Or there had been something going on. I’m concerned that Ruby is already suspicious with all the whispering.

“Amalie, I wanted to check in with you about your experience with the Mills New York hotel spa services,” my father asks.

Shit. I don’t think I ever followed up on that with my assistant, Ursula.

Amalie gives my dad her signature polite, inquisitive smile. “New York hotels?”

My dad glances at me, somewhat questioningly, and then addresses Amie again. “Lexington mentioned how much help you were in Bora Bora with revising the spa service menu. He even went so far as to give you credit for the best ideas.”

“Oh?” Amie’s eyes flare, and for the first time, she actually meets my gaze for a fleeting second in which the question What the fuck? hangs heavy. “I think Lexington is exaggerating. I just spent a few hours being pampered.”

“Don’t be so modest, Amalie. Your input at the sister hotels is the reason we’re up on ratings again, isn’t that right, Lex?”

I can feel Bane’s eyes on me as I fight not to fidget. “Amalie was incredibly helpful.”

Ruby props her chin on her fist as she addresses Amie. “I didn’t know you were helping Lex while you were in Bora Bora.”

Amie waves her hand around in the air dismissively. “Lex was just being kind, giving me something to do so I wasn’t bored. While he went to meetings and did all the important things I sampled spa services.”

“That was really sweet of you, Lex,” Ruby says, but she’s looking at Amie and there’s a whole hell of a lot of suspicion on her face. “And here I thought all you had time for was Hottie Hook-Up.”

Amie coughs and gives Ruby the eye. Who the hell is Hottie Hook-Up?

My dad glosses right over that comment, or maybe he misses it. “There’s no need to be modest about your assistance, Amalie. We’re very grateful for your input, isn’t that right, Lexington?”

“Yeah. Yes, definitely.” Shit. I am not keeping it together right now, and it doesn’t help that Amie looks anything but comfortable with this conversation.

My dad gives me an odd look. “Lexington suggested you might be interested in experiencing some of the same services here in the city, and he thought it would be lovely to include Ruby. I assumed Lexington had already extended the invitation, but then I realize maybe you’ve been busy, all things considering. You’re working for Williams Media now, aren’t you?”

I don’t even know how my dad would know this. Or maybe it’s just been part of the gossip circuit.

“I am.”

“I’ve heard it’s going well. Wasn’t Thurston’s wife singing Amalie’s praises, Mimi?” he asks my mom.

Mimi places a hand over his. “Yes, but I think you’re embarrassing the poor girl with all this attention.”

“Right, of course. My apologies. Well, the invitation still stands to take advantage of the New York hotel spa services. It would be wonderful to get your opinion on how they stack up against the services at the Bora Bora hotels. Lex, you can have Ursula organize that for Amalie and Ruby, whenever it fits their schedules.”

“I can do that.” Please let this conversation be over.

“Perfect. I think it would be advisable to organize a lunch or dinner afterward, and Amalie can brief you on her opinions while they’re fresh, you too, Ruby.”

Amie and I exchange a quick glance. She looks completely shell-shocked. I don’t know whether I should be offended or not, or what the root of that emotion is. Now I really need to get her alone so I can talk to her without all of these people around.

The opportunity doesn’t arise until the dishes are cleared and we have an intermission before coffee and dessert. Amie excuses herself to the bathroom as people disperse from the table. I use the opportunity to take the shortcut to the powder room I assume she’ll use.

“Oh!” She stumbles back, her palm covering her mouth when she steps into the bathroom and finds me already in there. I follow her into the hall, grab her wrist, and pull her down to the next door, which happens to be my childhood bedroom. The room has been redecorated, everything a subtle, cool gray with white and black accents.

I close the door and flip the lock for privacy, standing in front of it so she can’t continue to evade me.

“What’re you doing?” Amie backs away from me as if I’m a grenade missing the pin.

I stay where I am, hoping I can calm her. “I think we need to talk.”

“I don’t think we should be alone together right now.” She looks around. “Especially not with a—” She gestures to the king bed to the right.

“Worried you’re going to end up naked?”

Her mouth drops, and she props her fist on her hip. “No!” Her irritation is more entertaining than it should be.

“Good to know you have some self-control.” There’s no sarcasm, just bitterness. I’m angry at the way she ran off the last time I saw her, and the way she’s ignored me all night tonight.

She purses her lips, color rising in her cheeks. “Why would you tell your father I helped you with the spa menu?”

“Because you did.”

“I thought we were supposed to keep what happened in Bora Bora between us.”

“I didn’t tell him we fucked each other, Amie. I told him you were helpful with spa service suggestions.”

“Well I didn’t tell Ruby about all the spa service help I gave you, so it’s going to make her more suspicious than she already is.”

“Why is she suspicious in the first place?”

“Because I’m not good at lying to her. It’s not something I’ve had to do before and I don’t know how to handle it. We shouldn’t be in here together. I shouldn’t be alone with you.”

She makes a move for the door but I’m faster, I step in front of it. She closes her eyes and exhales a frustrated breath. When they open again, fear makes them fiery.

I don’t understand what would create that emotion in her. “Amie, I’m not going to hurt you.”

She drops her head and barks a laugh. “No. You’re just going to lock me in a room with you against my will.”

I lean against the door and cross my arms over my chest. “You spent two weeks locked in a room with me and I didn’t hear any complaints then. Actually, all I heard were a lot of moans.”

She narrows her eyes. “Why are you doing this to me?”

“Doing this to you? All I want to do is talk. I’m not the one who pulled a fuck and run the last time we saw each other. We’re going to be seeing more of each other whether you like it or not. I’m sorry if you regret what happened, but I can’t undo it and, frankly, I don’t really want to.”

Her eyes are wide and she fidgets nervously. I just want to touch her, hold her, make that panicked look disappear.

She touches her lips with shaky fingers and whispers, “I didn’t mean to run.”

“Well then why did you?”

Amie drags her hand down her face. “I was scared. I’m still scared.”

“Scared of what? I told you I’m not going to hurt you and I mean it.”

“You can’t know that, Lex. You can say it, but you can’t make that kind of guarantee. I don’t trust myself around you, okay?”

“I won’t do what I did last time again. I won’t push you like that. You don’t have to worry about me trying to get you naked.”

She throws her hands up in the air, they fall limply to her sides. “It’s not you I’m worried about, it’s me. My complete lack of self-control around you is a problem, Lex. This was supposed to stay in Bora Bora. I can’t keep doing this with you.”

“All we’re doing is talking.”

“In a bedroom. Alone. With a bed!” Her hands are balled into fists, her chest rises and falls, a flush creeping across her neck. “I’m still married, Lex.”

“Because Armstrong won’t sign a piece of paper.”

“It doesn’t change the fact that I’m still married to him.”

“And what if you weren’t?”

“But I am and he’s making this so difficult.”

I’m doing exactly what I said I wouldn’t, pushing. I’m falling for this woman and her heart isn’t mended from the last blow it took. I still want this though, I want her and I don’t think I’m capable of letting her run away again. I take a step forward and brush my fingers across her cheek. Her reaction is visceral, the shock of sensation that makes her skin pebble doing the same to mine. “Tell me you don’t feel this pull, Amie.”

Her gaze stays fixed on my chest. “I can’t.”

“You can’t tell me or you can’t feel it.”

“Lex.”

I lift her chin up, forcing her to meet my gaze. “If Armstrong wasn’t in the way what would you want?”

She tips her cheek into my palm.

“You know what I’d want?” I step in closer, until our bodies are almost touching. “You. Not just for a couple of stolen weeks.”

“I don’t trust my feelings right now, Lex.”

“That’s okay. Just trust mine.” I close the distance and kiss her.

Amie moans, soft and desperate as she fists my tie and presses her body against mine. “I missed you. I miss you. I’m sorry I ran.”

I wrap my arms around her, absorbing the feel of her close to me. I missed this. The connection we have. The electric burst of lust that rules my body every time she puts her hands on me. This is how it is between us. Always intense, out of control. I don’t want to lose it, but I’m not sure if I’ll be able to keep it.

When my hands start to roam she pushes away and stumbles back. “We can’t do this right now. We’re at a dinner party. Your family is out there.”

She has a point. This isn’t the best place for a discussion or getting naked, which I told her I wasn’t going to do. “I’m taking you home tonight. You’re not running away on me again, and we’re going to finish this.”

She nods, fingers sweeping back and forth over her lips. “I won’t run. I don’t even think I can anymore.”

If I’d been smarter I wouldn’t have slept with her in Bora Bora. If I’d been thinking with something other than my dick I would’ve waited it out, until this shit with Armstrong was over, until she was ready for something more than sex. Just because we’ve set the boundaries, doesn’t mean there isn’t a way to readjust them in my favor.

Twenty-One: I Can’t Stop

Amie

Lex leaves the bedroom first, which gives me a few minutes to collect myself before I go back to the party. I’m nervous about how to deal with Ruby. I’m grateful she won’t be able to get me alone before Lex and I can figure out how we’re going to deal with this.

I don’t even know what the hell is going on right now. Despite my actions he still seems invested and I’m unsure what to do with that.

Especially now that I have to deal with him on a regular basis again. I wish it was just about the sex. It would be so much easier if it was limited to physical attraction. As much as it seems that he was designed by my own personal orgasm team to provide the best, most amazing releases in the entire world, it’s far more complex than that. Or at least that’s how it feels.

I take a deep breath and prepare to manage being near Lex and acting normal.

When I return to the party everyone is seated in the living room, drinking coffee and eating petit fours. I might be on the other side of the room, but I can feel Lex’s proximity, and it’s making me anxious for the conversation I know is coming.

Beyond getting into bed with him, what I really want right now is to curl up beside him and have him tell me stories about his childhood like he did in Bora Bora. I want to listen to him talk about Mimi, to hear the reverence in his voice. More than that I want that reverence directed at me. And that scares me, because I don’t know if that desire is real or a projection of another idealized version of him that I created in Bora Bora.

“Everything okay?” Ruby asks as I take the seat beside her. “You were gone awhile.” She glances in Lex’s direction and he quickly refocuses his attention away from me, to his father.

“Everything’s fine. Just messages from Pierce about some legal stuff.”

“Armstrong stuff?”

I nod. It’s not an out and out lie. Pierce did send me a bunch of messages today about the language in the pre-nup. I’m not sure if it means anything yet, but he’s still digging.

Mimi drops into the armchair across from us. “Amie, you’re so good at organizing events, do you think you’d have some time available to help plan the menu for the engagement party?”

“Oh! That’s a great idea!” Ruby says enthusiastically. “Where should we hold it?”

“What about the Concord?” I glance in Lex’s direction, surprised by his participation in the conversation.

“In the Inception ballroom! Where we held the Halloween soirée!” Mimi claps her hands excitedly. “Lex, you’re there later this week, aren’t you? With Bane, yes?”

“I’ll be between the Concord and the Mills Hotel next week,” Bane replies. “With Griffin out of the country, I’m juggling both hotels.”

“Hopefully he won’t miss the engagement party.” Mimi seems worried about that. “He mentioned Lincoln is out there, too.”

“Our cousin Lincoln?” Bane asks.

The mention of Armstrong’s older brother is jarring. I’ve never met him, but, from what I’ve been told, he’s not particularly involved with his family. It’s not hard to understand why.

“Mmm. Funny how Griffin is on the other side of the world and runs into him,” Mimi replies.

“I haven’t seen Lincoln in ages,” Bane says.

“Well, he avoids his family as much as possible, doesn’t he?” Mimi replies, lips pursed in what might be disapproval.

“Can you blame him? Anyway, I’m at the Concord all week.” Lex drums his long, capable fingers on the arm of his chair. It’s something he does when he’s anxious, or thinking about something that bothers him. He foot taps the floor twice before stilling. I glance up and his eyes dart away from me and focus back on Mimi. “How can I help?”

“Why don’t you arrange a dinner with catering so we can set the menu for the party, Lex? Amie, would you be available for something like that? You and Ruby did such an amazing job with the Halloween party in the fall and this kind of planning isn’t really Bancroft’s strong suit.”

“Of course, anything I can do.” At least I can attribute the excitement to the party planning, even though in my head I’m planning ways to be alone with him.

It’s after eleven by the time we’ve finished preliminary engagement party planning. Mimi offers to have a car take me home when Lex holds up a hand. “I’m heading home, too. I can have you dropped off.”

“Are you sure it isn’t out of the way?” I feel the waver in my smile. God, I hope we’re not obvious right now.

The tapping on the arm of his chair continues. “It’s really no trouble.”

“If you’re sure.” The last time I got into a vehicle with Lex things got out of hand. Regardless of the chemistry between us, this is about more than that. I’m sure I’ll be better able to restrain myself since the plan is to have an actual conversation with real words.

I gather my things and say goodbye to Ruby, while Bane and Lex have a brief, whispered conversation. I thank Mimi and Harrison for the lovely dinner, and follow Lex down the sprawling front steps to the waiting car.

I slide across the leather bench all the way to the far side and buckle myself in. Restraints are good. Necessary even. And not the kind I kept in my sex toy tickle trunk. This one will keep me on this side of the car, rather than straddling Lex’s lap. It’s instinctual I think, the desire to manage the emotional strain with physical release. It might even be a Pavlovian response to Lex at this point.

He lowers himself into the vehicle and the driver closes us inside together. I inhale a deep breath, hoping to remain calm in the face of my sudden panic, except it’s more like I’m huffing the scent of him. I immediately feel drunk, and it has nothing to do with the wine I consumed tonight and everything to do with the man beside me. Now that there’s nothing preventing us from having a frank discussion about what the hell we’re doing, or not doing, my heart seems to have taken up sprinting.

Lex is sitting on the far side of the seat, two feet of soft leather separating our bodies. Two feet that feels simultaneously too far and too close. He slouches, posture relaxed, legs spread wide. Like I’d like mine to be, with him in between them.

I need to focus, but my lady parts are lubing up in anticipation. It would be wonderful if my brain and my body could stop working against each other.

He stretches his arm across the back of the seat but he’s about three inches shy of making contact. “What’s your address, Amie?”

I’m so focused on how close he is to touching me that I miss the question. “I’m sorry?”

“Your address, you need to give it to the driver, unless you’re planning to come home with me.” And there it is, that cocky grin.

“It might be better than my place.”

He cocks his head. “Do you intend to stay the night?”

“I-I don’t know.” I’m biting the end of my nail. “Do you want me to?”

“What do you think?”

“I think maybe you do, but I’m still unclear as to your motivation.” I dip my head, exhaling slowly. “I’m sorry I ran last time. I’m sorry I’ve been silent. I thought it would be better, easier, but I still can’t get you out of my head, and I don’t know what that means or how to manage it.”

Lex regards me for a few long moments before he asks the driver to take the scenic route along the water toward the city. “I should’ve said something before you left Bora Bora, but I didn’t think you were ready to hear it.”

“Hear what?”

“Look, Amie, I know things are messy for you right now, but whatever this thing is that’s happening between us, I don’t really want to walk away from it again.”

“What do you want then?”

His fingers sift through the ends of my hair. “Let’s just see where this goes. We’ll be spending time together regardless, let’s make it count.”

“I’m not sure I understand.” My uncertainty wavers.

“I want to date you, Amie.”

“But I’m still—”

He holds up a hand. “I know the annulment hasn’t gone through yet, so let’s do what we did in Bora Bora, minus the beach. Let’s just hang out, spend time together, sometimes naked, sometimes not. We’ll just keep it between us and when the annulment is finalized we can go from there.”

God, he seems so sincere. “And you’d be okay with keeping it just between us?”

“I know what Armstrong is like, Amie. He doesn’t like to lose and right now that’s what’s happening. I don’t want to make this more difficult, but I don’t want to give you up either. If this is how it has to be for now, I can accept that.”

“Okay.”

“Okay? Is that the only reaction I’m going to get?”

I laugh and then sigh. “I’m sorry. It’s just . . . a lot to process. I want this.” I gesture between us. “But it’s hard to trust how I feel right now.”

Lex’s smile is soft, just like his fingertips as he strokes my cheek. “That’s okay. We can take the feelings part slow if that’s what you need, and I’ll use my incredible skill set in the bedroom to distract you from all the things you’re worried about. How does that sound?”

I bite my lip through a smile. “That sounds good.”

“Excellent.” Lex’s smile stays firmly in place. “Now you want to tell me about Hottie Hook-Up?”

Oh God. Of all the things to bring up at the dinner table. If I hadn’t already been stressed out I would’ve given her hell for that. “I needed to tell Ruby something.”

“Oh, of course. That explains everything.” He nods as if this makes sense. “What exactly did you tell her?” Lex leans closer, his hand sliding along the back of the seat, fingertips grazing my shoulder. Maybe we’re done with the serious discussions for tonight.

“Don’t tell me you haven’t told anyone. You must’ve bragged to one of your golf buddies.”

“It’s not golf season. And is that what you were doing? Bragging?”

“I couldn’t very well tell her nothing.”

“What exactly did you brag to Ruby about?”

“I told her I hooked up with someone. That’s it.”

His knee bounces a couple of times, but stops quickly. His fingers tap beside my shoulder for a few beats. “Did you give her any details?”

“Details?” God it’s hot in here.

He fingers a lock of hair. “An orgasm tally, maybe? A comparative cock analysis?”

“Someone needs to check their ego.” I’m too breathless for the snark to come through.

Lex’s eyes roam over me hotly. “Did you tell her you let your hook-up into your tickle trunk of sex toys?”

I shake my head.

“No?” His fingers brush along my throat.

“Lex.”

“You want me to stop touching you?”

“No.”

“Good. I turned you down once, I’d have to be insane to do it again, Amie.” The sincerity behind that statement is staggering. It makes me wish this thing with Armstrong was behind me so I can be free to see where this thing with Lex can really go, without restraints.

We stare at each other for a few long seconds, the heat in his gaze sparking the fire inside; the one I don’t need to douse with logic or doubt anymore. Apparently Lex feels the same way, because he hits the release on his seatbelt and slides across the bench, reaching over to free me from mine before I can. “Come here.” He moves me to straddle him, palms sliding up my legs. “Always with the fucking garters,” he mumbles when his fingertips find the lace band at the top of my thighs.

I nibble on his bottom lip. “You love the garters.”

“I really do.”

When I make a move to unbuckle his belt, he covers my hands with his. “I’m not fucking you in the car, Amie.”

“What’re we doing then?”

He nibbles along my jaw. “Making out with our clothes on.”

“I like making out with you.”

“I know.” He sucks on my bottom lip. “If you have plans tomorrow I suggest you cancel them, because once we’re in my bed and I’m inside you I’m staying there for a long fucking time.”

He kisses me, and I surrender to the control he seems to have over my body, aware that if he keeps this up, he’s going to have the same control over my heart.

Twenty-Two: No Self-Control

Amie

Over the weeks leading up to the engagement party Lex and I do exactly what we did in Bora Bora; we spend time together. We’re dating. In secret, but still dating. It’s made that much easier because of Mimi’s elaborate engagement party plans. The whole thing has taken far longer to organize than I expected, and since Lex and I are co-organizers, no one questions it—much.

Lex seems to enjoy testing my self-control on a regular basis. It really hasn’t improved much. Although, last time I made it a full seventy-three minutes before I finally gave in, which was a real feat since he came to my apartment and sat on my couch, looking hot in a pair of jeans and a T-shirt. And he was wearing his glasses. I made him keep them on, even though they fogged up when he went down on me.

I’m frustrated that we still have to hide since Armstrong continues to find reasons not to sign the annulment papers. There seems to be no other purpose than his enjoyment of my suffering.

But tonight I’m not worrying about Armstrong being difficult. Ruby and Bane’s engagement party has finally arrived and we’re all staying at the hotel, because it’s easier and it makes the most sense. Also, the penthouse suites are to die for. I check my phone as messages flood in from Ruby, who’s panicked over this whole thing. She’s used to being the center of attention, but not like this.

Except this time it’s not Ruby, it’s Lex, regarding early check-in at the hotel. He’s suggesting we go now, so we have some extra time before everyone else shows up. It seems smart, especially when he spins it as a pre-engagement party de-stressing meeting that will take place on one of the enormous king-size beds.

I gather my things, call an Uber, and head to street level. Lex texts me his room number. I have my own for the sake of appearances, but that’s its only purpose. I feel bad that a room costing a thousand dollars a night will be wasted, but we can have sex in there later so it’s not a complete waste of a room.

Excitement makes my fingers tremble as I collect my key card from the concierge, then wait for the elevator. I check my reflection in the mirror. This is far more than orgasm anticipation, and if I’m completely honest with myself, it’s been more than that since Bora Bora, I just wasn’t ready to accept it. I see him at least three times a week, but the secrecy is becoming difficult to manage. We both struggle to maintain distance from each other when we’re in the presence of our friends and his family.

My heart speeds up as the elevator dings and the doors open. I drop my things in my room, unlock the adjoining door, and knock. The way my lips curve up in a smile that matches his when he opens the door for me tells me how deep I’m in.

I barely have a chance to cross the threshold before I’m in his arms, his lips on mine. Lex tugs on the tie at my waist and quickly unbuttons my coat, parting the fabric. He freezes, eyes sliding hotly down my body. “Fuck, Amie. This is how you left your apartment?”

I’m wearing a demi bra in lilac with matching lace garters, panties, and nothing else. My dress is in the garment bag tossed carelessly on my bed. “I was in a rush, I thought I’d get dressed here.”

“I don’t know whether I want to spank you or fuck you.”

I lace my fingers with his, tugging him toward the bed. “How about you do both?”

* * *

Sometime later I’m lying on the comforter of the king-sized bed, staring at the ceiling, trying to catch my breath. Lex is using the space between my breasts as a pillow.

“Don’t expect to get a lot of sleep tonight.” He nuzzles in a bit more.

“What time do we have to check out tomorrow?” I attempt to smooth his messed-up hair. I think he’s probably going to have to wash it to fix it with how much my fingers were in it.

“Whenever I feel like it.” He kisses between my breasts. “We could stay here all weekend, order room service, pretend we’re in Bora Bora without the sand and sun.”

“I like that idea.” My bra and garters never came off, and I’m still wearing my panties since Lex only moved them to the side, so it’s just a matter of putting on my dress—although I’m a little dewy from the exertion, so a quick wipe down with a wash cloth might be helpful. “I should probably think about putting some clothes on.”

Before Lex has a chance to respond, there’s a knock at his door.

“Did you order room service?” I ask.

He shakes his head and nabs his phone from the nightstand. “Ah, hell.” It’s blowing up with messages.

The knock comes again, harder this time, followed by grumbling and then, “I know you’re here, Lex. I checked with the front desk.”

It’s Bane. I meet Lex’s gaze, the panic in his expression matching mine.

Suddenly, Lex’s phone rings. “Shit.” He fumbles around to silence it, but it’s too late.

“Get dressed so we can deal with this.” I push him off me and rush across the room, slipping through the adjoining door, grateful I had the foresight to go to my own damn room first, otherwise there would be no way to hide this.

“Open the damn door, Lex. We have an issue with catering and Amie isn’t answering her phone and Ruby’s freaking out. We need one or both of you before my fiancée has a total meltdown.”

Ruby is usually pretty calm in the face of stress, but this whole thing is beyond her comfort zone. I feel horrible as I pull my phone from my purse to find six missed calls and at least twenty messages from her, all in the past thirty minutes. I’m a terrible best friend.

“I have a master key. If you don’t open this door in the next thirty seconds I’m coming in,” he threatens.

“Gimme a sec,” Lex calls out.

I rush to my own bathroom and quickly wipe down with a washcloth, then jab my legs into my dress while texting a panicked Ruby back.

Over the past several weeks, there have been some close calls. More than what’s reasonable for two people who are trying to avoid involving more people than necessary in the secrecy. And if I’m honest, I kind of like that this is our thing. That we don’t have to deal with the gossip and the questions that will eventually come with going public.

I don’t want this to be the way Ruby or Bane finds out Lex and I are sleeping with each other. I hadn’t expected Armstrong to draw the annulment out so long. I thought it would done long before this and that Lex and I would eventually be able to stop hiding from everyone. And now my selfishness and the secrecy are causing my best friend unnecessary stress.

As I shimmy into my dress, I hear Bane and Lex talking, their voices muffled. I’m not even sure I closed the door all the way.

“Why the hell are you half-dressed? What’s going on with your hair?” Bane snaps. “Why does it smell like sex in here?”

“It doesn’t smell like sex.”

“Don’t bullshit me. I know what sex smells like.” Bane sounds incredulous. “Why’s your bed all messed up? You better not be bringing a date with you. Where’s Amie?” I can feel my face heating at Bane’s questions.

“I took a nap when I got here because I’ve been pulling long hours at work. What’s the deal? Why are you all over my ass?”

There’s silence from Bane for a few long seconds. “I don’t know, man. You’ve been spending a lot of time with Amie lately. I hope you haven’t forgotten that she’s still married to our asshole cousin. You remember who he is, right? The same guy who’s spent most of his life fucking with you because he can. Don’t do anything stupid.”

“Are you serious with this?”

“Come on, Lex. You can’t tell me I don’t have a right to be worried what with you and Armstrong and the competitive bullshit you’ve pulled on each other. If something’s going on, you better hope he doesn’t find out, or he’s going to make Amie’s life more miserable than it already is—”

Bane is cut off by my phone. It’s Ruby. I start with an apology. “I’m so sorry I missed your calls.” I hate that I’ve done this to her, especially when she’s been such a huge support for me through all of this Armstrong crap. “I’m in my room, do you want me to come to you or do you want to come here?”

“Thank God you’re here. You have all the makeup right? Can you hide tear stains?” Ruby’s on edge.

“I’ll fix everything, don’t worry.”

I should’ve gone straight to the hall when I arrived, to check on things, but I was too focused on myself and what I wanted. I’m angry for letting this happen.

There’s a knock on the adjoining door between mine and Lex’s room before it swings open. Bane stands in the doorway wearing a suspicious frown with an anxious Lex behind him. I force a smile, aware nothing here looks innocent and avoid making eye contact with Lex. “Ruby’s on her way here. I can take care of makeup and calming her down if you can take care of catering. Lex and I went through everything last week, so I’m sure it’s just a misunderstanding.”

“I really hope so.” Bane looks between me and his brother.

“I’m sorry.” The knock at my door means I don’t have to elaborate on the why. As soon as I turn the lock, Ruby comes barreling into my room, laden with what appears to be the entire contents of her closet.

I take most of it from her and dump it on the bed, making sure I’m careful with her garment bag so her dress doesn’t wrinkle.

Ruby startles when she sees Bane standing in the middle of the doorway connecting the rooms. “I thought you were going to find Lex.”

“I did.”

“Oh.” Ruby glances between us.

“Hey Ruby, catering is waiting on us. I think Amie is right and that it’s just a misunderstanding. Bane and I will sort it out. Text if you need anything?” Lex looks uncomfortable and guilty.

Ruby grabs Bane’s sleeve before he can leave. “Let me know when you get the catering stuff figured out so I can stop worrying.”

He cups her face in his palms and drops a gentle kiss on her lips. They’re so in love. Always touching, always close, as if they’re orbiting each other. I wish it could be like that for Lex and me. “You got it, babe, I’m sure they’re right about it being a misunderstanding. You get ready with Amie. I’ll have champagne and orange juice sent up, along with an antipasto platter.” He glances at me and gives me the don’t-let-her-get-drunk look. I nod, so he knows I understand.

As soon as he’s gone I make Ruby lie on the bed and use the cold compresses that work like magic on swelling while I set up a chair by the window so I have natural light for makeup prep. “Are you okay?” I flip my case open and start setting up.

She lifts the cloth to peek out at me. “This is just a lot, like more than I expected, you know? There’s just so much to take care of, and so many people will be here. I think the guest list is something like three hundred people.”

I pat her ankle. “You perform in front of almost three times as many people five nights a week, Ruby. You’ll be fine.”

“That’s different. I’m not being me, I’m someone else. This is like the worst case of stage fright ever.”

“You’re lovely and charming and charismatic, just like Bane. You’ll be fabulous tonight. Think of this like a dress rehearsal. Take a few deep breaths and let all the anxiety out.” I wish that would work for me.

She inhales and exhales deeply a few times. “I honestly have no idea how you survived your engagement party and a wedding with Gwendolyn up your ass. Mimi is sweet as pie and I’m still overwhelmed.”

“Well, I’m clearly adept at dealing with dicks since I married one and all.”

She makes a sympathetic face. “I can’t believe he still hasn’t signed the annulment papers.”

“Last time he changed one paragraph, tried to swap it out like no one would notice. That seems to be his current strategy. You’d think he’d realize by now I’m not interested in spending the rest of my life with someone who can’t even remain faithful through the wedding reception.” I lift the cloth and check her eyes; the puffiness has gone down enough that we should be able to get started. Ruby has flawless skin, so makeup won’t take long. “You can have a seat by the window.”

She rolls off the bed and drops into the chair, checking her reflection in the compact on the table. “I wasn’t his biggest fan, but this is a whole new level of jerk.”

“The dickishness was always there, I guess I just glossed over it until I got slapped in the face with it.”

“He did a decent job of masking it with a pretty anal-retentive veneer.”

“I just figured he had to be better than any of the guys I previously dated, considering how poor those choices were, right? And on the outside he was.” I sigh softly. “Anyway, he doesn’t really have a reason not to sign the papers other than to prolong the inevitable, so hopefully he gives up soon.”

“I don’t see why he would still be holding out. Unless it has something to do with you and Lex.”

I almost fumble the under-eye concealer. “I’m sorry, what does Lex have to do with my annulment?”

Ruby gestures to the closed door that adjoins our rooms. “Seriously, Amie? Pretty convenient that you have a door connecting your rooms to each other. Didn’t Lex book your room?”

“He booked all the rooms.” I’m digging around in my bag, pulling out every single color of eyeliner and brow liner I have, setting them on the table with my back to her.

She grabs my wrist. “What’s going on, Amie?”

I stop avoiding her gaze—well, mostly; I’m looking at her eyelids rather than directly into her eyes. It’s a trick I learned with my parents as a teen. It makes the lies far more convincing. “What do you mean?”

“You and Lex are spending a lot of time together. We’ve all noticed.”

“Well we’ve been planning the engagement party.” I’m far too pitchy.

“Are you sleeping with him?” Leave it to Ruby to just come out and ask the question.

“Why would you think that?” Dammit. Now I sound like I’ve been sucking on helium.

Her mouth drops open. “You totally are.”

“I’m not.” I have no idea why I bother to lie, apart from maybe habit and the compulsion to keep this a secret.

“Don’t even. I know when you’re lying.” She stares at me for a few long seconds before she asks, “How long has this been going on?”

I do what I do best. Avoid. “It’s not really a thing. I mean, it’s just—I don’t—we should keep the focus where it belongs.”

Ruby laughs. “Oh, no. You can pull that on your mother, but you sure as hell can’t pull it on me. How long?” She looks angry and maybe annoyed, and a bit hurt.

This is not the time to get Ruby all worked up, since she’s already most of the way there thanks to the catering issues.

“Oh my god. Oh my god!” Ruby’s expression becomes even more animated, she grabs my arm as if she’s preparing for an epic descent on a roller coaster. “Did you sleep with him in Bora Bora? Is he Hottie Hook-Up?”

A knock at the door delays my response. I rush to get it, grateful for the interruption. I suppose I’m being forced into telling her the truth, which wouldn’t be so much of an issue if I hadn’t been hiding this from her for months now. She’s going to be hurt, and understandably so.

It’s room service with our champagne and orange juice. I’ve never been so thankful for alcohol in my entire life. Ruby’s silent while he shows us the bottle and takes his time pouring. Then she throws money at him and practically pushes him out of the room.

As soon as the door closes she spins around. “You kept this from me the entire time? What’s it been, like four months? Have you been sleeping with each other this whole time?”

I drop onto the bed with a sigh. “It wasn’t intentional. And it wasn’t really supposed to be anything beyond Bora Bora.”

“So what happened? And why keep it from me? I wouldn’t have said anything to anyone.”

“He’s Bane’s brother and Armstrong’s cousin. It’s a complicated situation made more complicated by the fact that I’m still married to Armstrong. I honestly didn’t think he was going to drag this out for so long and Lex and I thought it would be better to keep it between us until the annulment went through to avoid more complications. I couldn’t ask you to keep this from Bane. That’s not fair when he’s your person and Lex is his brother.”

“You’re my person, too.”

I try to reason with her. “I’m your best girl. He’s the rest of your life, it’s not the same.”

She purses her lips. “You’re my other person.”

“I know. And that’s why I didn’t tell you, because I didn’t want to put you in the middle of your two people. Bane will always be your first priority now, Ruby, as he should be. I didn’t want you to feel like you had to keep something from him.”

Ruby waves her hand around in the air and takes a hefty swig of champagne. “Bane’s been pretty suspicious for a while. I just figured you would’ve told me if you were sleeping together . . . is that what is this? Are you just . . . sleeping together?”

“It was supposed to be a fling. We meant for it to end when I left Bora Bora.”

“But clearly it didn’t. Did you stay in touch when you came home and he went to California?”

I shake my head no. “I was really conflicted. I mean, I was still married, and still am, even if it’s just a signature on a piece of paper that’s tying us together. Then I ran into Lex in a coffee shop and he ended up taking me back to work in his car . . . but I didn’t see him again for weeks. Not until after you got engaged—”

“Did you two get it on at the engagement planning dinner?”

I shake my head. “No, we were just talking—well and kissing, but it was mostly talking . . . later though—”

“I knew it!” Her smile drops. “That was almost two months ago.”

“I really didn’t think I would still be waiting for the annulment to go through. And I wasn’t sure exactly where it was going between us.”

“So where is it going?”

I sigh. “I don’t know. We’re covert dating for now.”

I can feel Ruby’s eyes on me. It’s not good. She knows me better than anyone else in this world. Better than my family. She’s been instrumental in almost every fabrication or lie I’ve concocted to get me out of trouble. This time there doesn’t seem to be a good out. “Do you have feelings for Lex? Like feeling feelings.”

We spend a lot of time together, just as much clothed as unclothed, and while we talk, Lex never mentions the future, because right now we’re stuck in the present. “I think so.”

“You think you have feelings for him?”

“For a while I wasn’t sure if I could trust them or not. Look at the man I married. He seemed perfect. Or I wanted him to be. I ticked all the right boxes with him and look at how horribly that turned out. Sometimes I worry that I’m projecting an ideal onto Lex like I did with Armstrong. Like I’ve made him into this savior and it’s all going to fall apart on me as soon as the marriage is annulled.”

I do know with absolute certainty that Armstrong was never right for me. I’d just made so many bad boyfriend choices before him—ones that had nearly caused scandals for my family. As a teenager I made bad choices as a means to force my parents to deal with me together instead of separately. Besides, it wasn’t like I ever wanted to get serious with any of those bad choices.

“How’s the sex?” Ruby asks.

“What?”

“The sex, how is it?”

I’m not sure why the sudden shift in topic, but my reply comes without hesitation. “Beyond amazing.”

Her eyebrow lifts. “Lots of orgasms?”

“Countless.”

“So it’s safe to say you’re not projecting the ideal of awesome sex.”

“Phenomenal sex isn’t going to make Armstrong sign the annulment papers. Until I’m free of him, this needs to stay under the radar.”

“Good luck with that.”

I ignore the barb and switch positions with Ruby so I can resume primer application. After a few moments, I ask the question that’s been eating at me since I overheard that conversation between Lex and Bane. “Do you know much about the competitive stuff between Lex and Armstrong?”

“I know they used to be best friends as kids and that they were always competitive with each other.”

“With sports and stuff, right? They used to mess with each other, it’s how Lex got those scars on his back.”

Ruby nods. “Oh yeah, the bridge jumping accident.”

“Bridge jumping? I thought it was a swimming accident. Lex mentioned something about a river.”

“It was a swimming accident. They were bridge jumping into a river and Lex had to go in after Armstrong. It caused a big rift in the family. Gwendolyn and Mimi had a falling out for a while. Apparently it was bad. I don’t have all the details. Anyway, Bane said after that the competition took a nasty turn. They’d go after the girls each other liked, sabotage each other. It got worse in college until Lex just had enough, and stopped playing into it. I think it got really bad for a while, though.”

I frown, filtering through the conversations Lex and I have had over the months we’ve been doing this. As much as we talk, he’s never really gone into detail about his disdain for Armstrong. “What do you mean they’d go after the girls each other liked?”

“Like whenever Lex liked a girl back in high school, Armstrong would find a way to interfere. He’d ask her out before Lex could, or do something shitty to screw it up for Lex. I guess when it pissed Lex off enough, he started to do the same thing back. It escalated, but after a while it stopped, mainly because Lex stopped feeding into it I guess.”

I think about the night I met Lex, the same night Armstrong formally asked me on a date. Had I been part of a competition back then? Was I still part of one now?

Ruby touches my wrist. “Amie? Are you okay?”

“I met Lex the same night Armstrong asked me out.”

“I don’t understand.”

“The night Armstrong asked me out, Lex was there. He introduced himself to me first, it was . . . intense. He offered to get me a drink, and when he did, Armstrong came over and asked me to dance. He told me he was saving me from making a bad decision with Lex, then he asked me out.”

I can see Ruby putting it together. “Armstrong wouldn’t have married you to win a stupid competition.”

“I really hope you’re right about that.” As I sift through memories, putting together the times Lex and Armstrong were in the same room before we were engaged, and after, how protective he was, how touchy, how condescending he was with Lex and how Lex just seemed to take it. And then the wedding and Bora Bora happened.

I should’ve asked this question ages ago, of either Armstrong or Lex, although I doubt I would’ve gotten a truthful answer from Armstrong. Maybe not Lex, either. Now I have to wonder how deep their hatred for each other runs, and if it’s enough to make me nothing more than a pawn in a game.

Twenty-Three: Hurtful Truths

Amie

Lex and Bane work out the catering issue, which thankfully was just a small miscommunication. Or at least that’s what Bane tells Ruby. Either way, as long as the situation is handled it’ll be fine. Ruby agrees to keep quiet about Lex at least until I’ve had a chance to talk to him; after that she tells me she plans to harass the crap out of him. Which likely won’t be until much later. I don’t have time to dwell on the impending conversation because I’m put to work by Mimi the moment I step into the ballroom. My job is to double check place cards and verify seating arrangements, making adjustments for last-minute changes.

Mimi hands me a glass of champagne and a clipboard with a seating chart before she puts her hand on my shoulder. “I have to tell you something.”

For a moment I consider the possibility that she’s found out her son and I are sleeping together, then I realize she probably wouldn’t be all sweet about it if she did. I force a smile and wait. She really is lovely. If I hadn’t married Armstrong maybe I’d have a nice mother-in-law, rather than a fire-breathing dragon. But I did and that’s on no one but me. Armstrong was another poor decision in my history of bad boyfriends, and I’d made him a permanent one. Hopefully that will be rectified soon. If I turn out to be some kind of revenge screw for Lex, then I probably deserve it for being so blind and stupid in the first place. I really hope I’m not.

I realize I’ve missed Mimi’s revelation. “I’m sorry, pardon?”

“I’ve told her that she’s not to bring up Armstrong with you.”

“You’ve told who?”

“Gwendolyn, my sister. She’s coming tonight.”

“Oh, okay.” I’m fairly certain my eyes are going to pop out of my head. I suck in a few deep breaths.

Mimi encourages me to take a sip of my champagne, then tips the glass up for me so I take another.

“I have her seated on the other side of the room during dinner.”

“Okay. That’s good.” My anxiety still spikes. “What about Armstrong? Is he coming?”

“He wasn’t invited.”

But that doesn’t mean he won’t come. Being the pampered baby he is, Armstrong doesn’t like being left out.

“I wanted you to be prepared. I know Gwen can be . . . difficult, and that Armstrong is”—she glances around, making sure no one is close enough to hear our conversation—“a bit of a prick.”

I laugh. “That’s one way to describe him.”

She smiles piteously and takes my hand. “To be quite honest, I was rather surprised when he announced your engagement since you’re so sweet, but then I thought maybe you inspired change in him.” She sighs. “Anyway, there’s a lot going on with my sister’s family and regardless of what’s happened between you and Armstrong, I just want you to know that I think the world of you, and I’m so sorry for my nephew’s behavior.”

“You don’t need to apologize, Mimi.”

“Well, someone should after what he’s put you through. He’s always been competitive and as he got older he became rather . . . self-absorbed. We had some difficulties when he and Lex were younger.”

“They really don’t get along at all, do they?” I’m baiting her, because I want to hear what she has to say.

“Unfortunately, no. I suppose part of that is my fault.”

“I don’t understand how you could be responsible for how they feel about each other.”

“They were forced together as children, and as a result they were very close, but often antagonistic. Lexington has always been mischievous.” She leans closer and winks. “Kind of like me and you, I think, and maybe Ruby, which is why I like her so much. Armstrong always seemed to toe the line better. At least that’s how it appeared. Armstrong could be malicious. It’s very different from a bit of harmless trouble, you understand?”

“I think so.” I’m very familiar with Lex’s mischievous side. It comes out frequently in the bedroom, and in the sneaking around we’ve been doing since returning to New York, not to mention how things played out in Bora Bora. But, I can also see what Mimi is saying about Armstrong being spiteful, especially with his refusal to sign the annulment papers.

“Lex didn’t do things with the intention of hurting anyone, but Armstrong was different. He tended to go a step too far. He liked getting under Lexington’s skin. There was an incident when they were teenagers. I’m afraid my sister and I didn’t handle it well and things were never the same between those boys. I’d hoped as adults that might change, but I don’t know that it’s in Armstrong’s nature to forgive, or Lex’s to forget.” She gives me a sad, questioning smile, but before I can respond, or ask more questions, the event organizer interrupts, requiring her attention.

She hugs me and hands me the seating arrangements before she leaves me on my own, with all of my churning thoughts and fears. I don’t see Lex before the party begins and when I do, I purposely remain in highly public areas, forcing him to keep an acceptable distance.

By five, cocktail hour has begun and I’m a mess—at least on the inside. Engagement parties thrown by the Millses are almost as elaborate as a wedding. This far exceeds my engagement party with Armstrong, and I thought that was extravagant.

Appetizers are served, a plated dinner follows, then more cocktails, conversation, and music. It’s an evening of excess with a room full of incredibly wealthy people, and a precursor to what Bane and Ruby’s wedding will be like, if they allow Mimi to take control of it. I’m not entirely convinced that’s going to happen. Ruby, who’s very accustomed to being the center of attention, still seems overwhelmed, and that’s saying something.

I can barely eat during dinner, constantly on guard. Gwendolyn might be sitting on the opposite end of the ballroom, but she’s certainly keeping tabs on me. Not to mention, I can feel Lex’s eyes on me from the opposite side of the table. I wish we were at a long table and not a round one.

As the conflict piles on, and I watch Ruby interact with Bancroft’s family, I begin to see exactly how challenging this thing with Lex really is, with or without these new developments. If what’s happening between us becomes public the complications will grow exponentially. I won’t be able to avoid Gwendolyn or Armstrong, or the rest of his family, because it will tie me to them irrevocably. It’ll invite all kinds of new issues.

Ones I’m not sure I’m prepared for yet, even if I want to be.

It would be another messy situation that could bring more negative attention to my family. The kind I thought I was going to leave behind when I married Armstrong. As I sit here, I mourn the future I thought I would have with the version of Armstrong who didn’t really exist and my fear over the potential loss of something amazing with Lex. With him I don’t feel confined by someone else’s idea of who or what I should be. I worry that part of that freedom is rooted in the secrecy of it all.

After dinner, I busy myself with more duties that keep me away from Lex, who’s engaged in conversations with the suits. Even so, I can feel his eyes on me whenever I pass him. I know he’s concerned, but I don’t have time to acknowledge it now. And I don’t want to. All I want is to escape. To run. Because I’m scared to face all of this.

The emotions swirl with the cocktail combination swimming in my system. I should probably slow down on the wine. I excuse myself to the restroom so I can take a moment to collect myself.

I manage to make it to the foyer unaccosted. But before I can get much further I spot the one person in the entire world I definitely don’t want to see. Well, actually, there are a few people I would be happy to never see again. I have a short list of ex-boyfriends who fit that profile, but Armstrong tops that list.

He’s skulking in a corner, like some kind of creep. I make a beeline for the ladies’ bathroom, hoping I can get there before he makes it to me. I’m not quick enough in my heels. Also, I’ve had three glasses of wine and not enough food. My head isn’t a hundred percent clear and I’m a little turned around.

The hand at my elbow catches me off guard, but the mouth at my ear makes my skin crawl. “Don’t make a scene, darling.”

It’s exactly what I should do, but before I can react and make a smart decision, I’m led through the closest door, which happens to be a coatroom.

“Get your hands off me.” I yank my arm out of Armstrong’s grip and shove away from him.

There’s no residual evidence of his broken nose, the marks on his face have all disappeared, nothing compared to the marks he’s left on my heart. Not just because he broke it with his actions, but because his dishonesty is and was so horribly hurtful, and he still refuses to set me free.

He looks me over, his cheek ticking as he takes in my dress. I can practically feel his disapproval. If only he could see what I’m wearing under this. Zero white lace or satin happening.

“Why are you here?” There’s a tremor in my voice, but it’s not fear, it’s anger. Anger at this situation. Anger at myself for making such a poor decision for all the wrong reasons. Because I didn’t trust my gut. And now I have to wonder if I’ve misread everything and I’m making another mistake with Lex.

Armstrong gives me a look that makes me feel about two inches tall. Until he speaks. “You won’t take my calls and they won’t let me past the front desk at your work, when else was I going to have an opportunity to see you?”

“You don’t need to see me. At all. Ever. That’s what our lawyers are for. It’s been months of back and forth over this. Just sign the papers and be done with me, Armstrong.”

He blinks several times, his agitation obvious. I doubt it in any way matches mine. “I don’t want to be done with you.”

I throw my hands in the air. “You can’t win me back. Nothing you can say or do is going to change my mind. You will never convince me to get over what you’ve done.”

He seems to consider that for a second, and then his eyes light up a little. “What if you were the only one?”

“For the love of God, Armstrong, that shouldn’t even be a question. It should’ve been only me from the beginning. For the rest of our lives.” I flail angrily. “But that’s not even the point now. I don’t want to be with you. The knowledge that I ever let you touch me, let you inside my body, makes me want to vomit. Do you get that? I can’t even stand your face.”

“Your explanation is sufficient, if not excessively dramatic.” He lifts one placating hand.

I would like to cut it off with a hacksaw and shove it down his stupid, useless throat. I think I should stop watching horror movies with Ruby for a while.

“You can’t hold this grudge forever, it’s unreasonable.”

I wonder if there’s a clinical diagnosis for his kind of messed up. I’ve had about as much of Armstrong as I can handle. I need to get out of here and away from him. “I don’t have anything else to say to you.”

I turn away, toward the door. His next words freeze me.

“I know about Mexico.”

The pit in my stomach opens back up, churning. I slowly turn to face him. “Excuse me?”

His smile is smug. “Mexico. I know about it.”

I cross my arms over my chest so he can’t see my shaking hands. “What exactly do you think you know about Mexico?”

“You have quite the history of bad behavior, don’t you, Amalie?”

“Your definition of bad behavior is rather skewed, don’t you think?”

“I think an arrest record counts. Your father had to work pretty hard to keep that under wraps, didn’t he? It really isn’t very good for business, is it?”

“I don’t have an arrest record.” I was just hanging out with someone who did, which was essentially the issue.

“I wonder how that would go over with your current employer, knowing how closely aligned you’ve been with known felons.”

“Are you trying to blackmail me into staying married to your pathetic, tiny-dicked ass?”

“My dick is more than adequate. Maybe you’ve just been overly free with who you put out for and you’re too worked in.”

I cross the room in three quick strides, hand poised to slap that smug smile off his face, but he’s expecting the attack. He grabs my wrist and steps into me, folding my arm behind my back as he pushes me against the wall. His grip on my arm sends a shot of pain to my shoulder. “You’re hurting me.”

“You were going to hit me, again, I’m defending myself.”

“This is harassment.”

He scoffs and suddenly his expression is dark, that smug smile dropping. “You may want to reconsider your position on this annulment, Amalie. In addition to your history of physical violence, I don’t think it would go over well if people found out about your time in prison.”

I didn’t spend any time in a cell, but the eight hours I spent in an interrogation room inside a Mexican airport surrounded by men who wore sashes made of bullets was enough to scare me straight. It’s also one of the reasons I ended up with Armstrong.

He has the ability to spin this however he wants. Truth doesn’t necessarily trump the excitement of scandal. Regardless of how much he embellishes, this kind of thing would be highly damaging and hard to recover from. It could be on the same level as the events at our wedding, which were easy to hide with his family being in control of so many of the media-related sites. Even if it’s untrue, it could certainly taint my reputation and cost me a lot more than dignity. “Why are you doing this? What do you want from me?”

He’s so close. I can feel the warmth of his breath on my cheek. I hate that he’s touching me. “Finally, a reasonable question. I want you to be my wife, at least on paper. I can overlook your past and your promiscuity and you can overlook my extracurriculars and we can both be happy.”

“My promiscuity?” I struggle against his hold on my wrist. “Get off me.”

Armstrong releases me and steps back quickly, possibly to avoid my potential wrath. I’m spitting mad, but he has my attention, that’s for sure.

He adjusts his suit jacket, that dark smile still curving the corner of his mouth. “Do you really think I would marry someone I hadn’t done a background check on? I’m pragmatic, Amalie. Your family has money. My family has a well-established business that requires some support. Like I said before, when I came to Bora Bora, I can help elevate your social status and you can assist my family in keeping our empire afloat.”

Mimi said there were things going on with his family, now I have to wonder if this is what she meant. “Did you ever even like me? Does that even matter to you?”

“You’re lovely to look at and you complement me well when you’re behaving. I also quite enjoyed fucking you.” His smile is more of a leer. “I thought with time you’d settle into your role. I assumed you’d managed your vengeful side while you were in Bora Bora, getting played by my cousin. You do realize Lexington is just using you to get back at me.”

“Why would he do that?” This conversation makes it feel like my wine wants to come back up and revisit the world.

Armstrong’s smile is triumphant. “So you are letting my cousin fuck you.”

“That’s not what I said. I asked you why he would use me to get back at you. What would be the purpose of that?”

Armstrong’s expression is one of pompous satisfaction. “Because he doesn’t like it when I take the things he wants.”

“Am I somehow one of those things? Tell me, Armstrong, why did you ask me out in the first place?”

His brow furrows, the shift confusing him. “Don’t try to change the topic.”

“I’m not. It’s a question directly related to this conversation. Why did you introduce yourself and ask me to dance?”

He adjusts his tie. It’s a tell. A sign he’s uncomfortable, or being caught in some kind of lie. He does it a lot. “I told you why. I was saving you from making a mistake, one it appears you’ve decided to make anyway, despite my best efforts. I also thought you were attractive.”

“Right, of course, you were saving me from Lex. Can you explain what you meant when you said Lex doesn’t like it when you take the things he wants?”

“He has an inferiority complex when it comes to me.”

“Is that why you hate each other?” I can’t trust anything that Armstrong says, but I’m still interested in the answer.

“I don’t hate Lexington. I feel sorry for him, because he thinks he can best me, and he can’t.”

“And what is he trying to best you at?”

“You, of course.” He gives me a withering look. “You can stop lying, Amalie. I can smell his cologne all over you. I have to admit, he’s played this very smartly, although Ruby and Bancroft’s engagement party gave him an advantage.”

I have to cross my arms over my chest so I don’t dick punch him again. “This a game to you.”

“Not at all.”

“Are you sure? Because that’s exactly how it sounds. Like I was a game you were playing to win.”

“He walked away from you. That’s not my fault.”

“Are you referring to the night we met? If so I’ll assume this entire thing with me is game to you. Good job on winning, too bad I’m not some medal you can show off.”

He has the audacity to look affronted. “That’s not why I asked you to marry me, though.”

I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. “No. That was about money. Jesus Christ, Armstrong, this whole thing between us has been about you getting what someone else wanted, or whatever would best benefit your status. Is that the world you live in? Where people’s emotions are just an inconvenient side effect of the games you play with them?”

“I’m not the only one involved here. Have you questioned why Lexington was in your bridal suite on our wedding day?”

It feels like I’ve stepped in quicksand I can’t get free from. I can’t tell truth from lies anymore.

My lack of immediate response spurs him on. “Do you really think it’s a coincidence that his date seduced me and then he ends up alone with you? Come on, Amalie, you’re smarter than that.”

“Seduced? What a crock of shit.” My whole body feels suddenly numb.

“Regardless of your perception, Brittany came on to me, not the other way around.”

“And that’s supposed to make it okay?”

“I’m just explaining. People make mistakes.” It might be easier to hear if he sounded contrite rather than annoyed.

“You admitted to making the same mistake multiple times. With several different people,” I remind him.

“I may have exaggerated out of anger.”

“You are unbelievable.”

He sighs, as if my continued resentment is inconveniencing him. “You can be angry, but this isn’t all on me. I’m trying to get you to see that I’m not the only one culpable here. How the hell did Lex end up in Bora Bora with you on our honeymoon? That’s far too convenient to be coincidental.”

Until all of these cards were laid out for me, I wouldn’t have agreed with Armstrong, but it seems far too impossible with all of tonight’s revelations. I recognize this is Armstrong manipulating me, but I have to wonder where the fabrications begin and where they end. Because even though I don’t want him to be right, this sounds horribly suspect. I don’t want these puzzle pieces to fit together, because it means not only was my relationship with Armstrong a lie, but this thing with Lex could be as well. And it would explain why he’s been so easy about the secrecy, encouraging it even, maybe making a game of it.

“Be honest, Amalie, how long have you been letting him fuck you? Since you left me in New York to go on our honeymoon?”

I can’t listen to Armstrong anymore or I’m going to start believing the lies he spews. If any portion of it is true, I think I may have a breakdown, the kind that might just result in some time in a padded room. I spin around, groping for the door handle.

He grabs for my arm. “Where do you think you’re going?”

“Away from you.”

“You can’t run from me forever, Amalie.”

He’s right. I can’t escape this. But listening to him isn’t helping. Not when it makes me feel like I’ve run from one colossal mistake only to make even bigger one.

Twenty-Four: Falling Apart

Lexington

I’ve been stuck talking business with my father and one of his associates for a while now, and I can’t locate Amie anywhere in the ballroom. I saw her leave about fifteen minutes ago and I’ve texted her recently, but the messages go unanswered. Things are not going the way I’d like tonight.

Gwendolyn is here, watching Amie like a vulture that hasn’t been fed in the last six months. I should’ve anticipated her presence. But it’s more than that. Amie’s been off ever since we almost got caught by Bane. I’m afraid of the questions she’s going to ask tonight and I’m worried that in her time alone with Ruby, she’s been given answers that will inevitably lead to more questions. I should’ve been upfront with her about the discord between me and Armstrong and how bad it had been, but I didn’t and I worry it’s going to give her cause to mistrust me.

Tonight has made me hyperaware of how much I don’t want to hide this anymore. I want to be with her and not paranoid that someone’s going to find out before we’re ready. I don’t want to sneak around like we’re doing something wrong. I want to be at her side and not worry about accidentally touching her in a way I shouldn’t. I don’t care that she’s technically still married. Everyone knows the truth about that sham of a marriage.

It’s only been a handful of months since that debacle of a wedding and I’m concerned that pushing for what I want is going to make her run. What’s more, I fear that’s already happened.

Apart from the tenuous situation with Amie, my mother is a nervous wreck, although she’s masking it with excessive positivity. I’d hoped that Gwendolyn’s presence would help smooth things over and convince Armstrong to just let it go, let Amie go, but that’s not really how he works. I’m sure my appearance in Bora Bora and my parting comment to him is partly responsible for his inability to walk away from her. Goading him is never a good idea and I have difficulty with that.

At a break in the conversation I excuse myself and go in search of Amie. Scanning the ballroom I come up empty, so I head for the foyer. There are very few people out here, most of them tucked away in corners, frantically typing on their phones, or engaged in hushed conversations. In this social sphere it’s not unusual for business transactions to take place at all hours of the day and night, even in the middle of a party.

It’s at that moment that I spot my cousin Armstrong, lurking near the women’s bathroom.

A hateful smile pulls up the corner of his mouth when he sees me heading for him. “Hello, Lexington.”

“What’re you doing here?”

“It’s my cousin’s engagement party, it would be rude not to attend, don’t you think?” He slips one hand into his pocket, that wry grin of his growing wider. “Besides, I thought it would be a good opportunity to see my wife.”

“You need to stay away from Amie.”

“Amie? That’s rather familiar. Didn’t take you long to move in on what’s mine.”

I ignore the comment. “You need to leave.”

“Is there a threat behind that? What exactly are you going to do if I don’t?”

“Don’t you think it’s time to let it go? You’re not winning this one, Armstrong. She’s not a trophy for you to put in a case. You’ve screwed with her enough.”

“What about you, Lex? Are you screwing with her?” His grin is calculated. “Always picking up my sloppy seconds. I find it fascinating how much you love to put your dick where mine’s already been, don’t you?”

“You fucker.” I take a step forward, ready to break his damn nose again.

He holds up a hand. “Think about how bad it would look if you attacked me, again, and for no apparent reason. I’m just here to support my cousin and his fiancée. It would be a pity if you ruined their night by making a scene, as you so often do.”

“Do you ever get tired of being an asshole?”

He laughs again, leaning against the wall. “You act like you haven’t been one, too. I understand why you hate me, Lex. I keep taking the things you want, and there’s really nothing you can do about it. Jealousy and envy are hard emotions to control, and yours is really quite reasonable considering the number of times I’ve fucked you, or maybe fucked what you thought was yours is a better way to put it.”

I know he wants me to lose it and he’s pushing buttons to make that happen. “She’s not yours anymore, though, is she?”

“On paper she is. Do you have any idea how satisfying it was when I stole her right out from under you?”

“Stole, but lost.”

“So you say, but I’m still married to Amalie. I made her mine. Nothing you do or say is going to change that. Unless I sign those papers, we’re still legally married.” He waves his hand around in the air. “You can’t win this one, Lex, no matter how hard you try.”

“Are you even hearing me? It’s not about winning. It’s not a game. She’s not your toy. She’s not something you get to play with until she breaks.”

“She is rather fun to play with, though.” He leans in close and lowers his voice, his smile full of malice. “That mouth of hers, so hard to tame, but so pretty when it’s full of cock, isn’t it?”

I hate that he knows her body, but I take solace in the fact that there’s no way he knows it half as well as I do. “You think you know Amie, but you don’t. Not even a little, which is ironic considering you’re married to her and all.”

“You think you know something I don’t?”

I laugh at his annoyance. “You know what I’m better at than you, Armstrong? Pretty much everything. I’m an especially good listener, and I definitely don’t have the performance issues you seem to.”

He takes another step closer, voice low and angry. “Did you fuck my wife?”

“Did you know that she faked every single orgasm with you?” I’m pushing the line and stretching the truth, based on the things Amie confided in me. “You don’t even know what she sounds like when she comes. That’s pretty fucking sad, Armstrong, don’t you think? Especially since she’s your wife and all.”

“Answer the question, Lexington. Did you fuck her?” He clenches his fists, as if he’s considering punching me.

“Did you know that she packed an entire suitcase of sex toys? It’s quite an extensive collection. Looks like maybe you didn’t tame her nearly as well as you think you did.” I need to shut up. I don’t know enough about the prenup Amie signed to be certain I won’t make a mess of things if I imply anything else—well, more of a mess than I may have already with the Bane conversation earlier—but my mouth is working faster than my brain and Armstrong brings out the very worst side of me. “It’s unfortunate you’re too insecure to enjoy her the way you could’ve.”

His jaw ticks, eyes narrowed. “But you did? Is that what you’re saying?”

“You have no idea what you gave up. You might’ve had her, but you’re not getting her back. Not ever.” I need to stop talking. I know better than anyone the results of provoking Armstrong.

A malignant sneer distorts his face. “And you think she won’t be done with you when she finds out you’re only fucking her to even the score?”

That he still thinks this is about some kind of long-sought-after vengeance is mind-boggling. “You don’t even know the half of it. I did a hell of a lot more than even the score. You’re not even in the race anymore.”

His smile is triumphantly vicious as his gaze moves over my shoulder. “Is that right? I’d love to hear more about that.”

“So would I.” I find Amie standing behind us with her arms crossed over her chest. I have to wonder how long she’s been there and how much she heard.

I take a step toward her. “You should come with me, Amie.”

She takes several steps back, putting distance between us. I’m familiar with her expression, and it’s not one I’m happy to be involved in causing. “Don’t.”

It’s not the response I want, particularly because it tells me what kind of damage Armstrong has done with one conversation. I move in closer, lowering my voice. “I don’t know what he said to you, but whatever it is, it’s not true, Amie. He said it just to hurt you and get back at me.”

Her anger is etched through with sadness. She’s on the verge of tears. “Which part isn’t true? The part about evening the score, or maybe it was about how he failed to tame me. Or is it the insinuation that somehow you did?”

“Someone wanna tell me what the fuck is going on here?” Bancroft’s deep, loud voice drowns out the rest of my plea.

Amie’s relief is a slap in the face.

“What’re you doing here?” Bane directs the question at Armstrong.

His annoyed sneer is replaced by a fake, friendly smile as he turns to Bancroft. “I came to congratulate you on your engagement.”

Bane looks at him as if he’s lost his mind. “You weren’t invited, Armstrong, and the reason for that is standing right there.”

Armstrong glances at Amie, as if he’s just noticing her presence. “Amalie and I are working things out.”

Amie snorts derisively. “On a cold day in hell.”

“I seriously doubt that, unless you’re blackmailing her somehow, which really wouldn’t surprise me.” Bane glances at Amie. “You okay?”

She gives him a curt nod and a tight smile. “Fine.”

I’ve never hated that word more than I do right now.

“Why don’t you go back into the ballroom? Ruby’s been forced onto the dance floor with my grandfather and she might need some saving, or he might. It’s hard to tell.”

“Of course.” She squares her shoulders and gives both Armstrong and me a wide berth as she skirts us. “Thank you,” she murmurs, squeezing Bancroft’s arm as she passes.

When I try to follow her, he puts out a hand to stop me. “I don’t think so.”

Bane might be younger than me, but he’s still bigger, stronger, and faster. And in this case, he might have a right to keep me away from her.

“Someone want to tell me what’s going on?”

“Your brother is fucking my wife,” Armstrong says, rather loudly.

Thankfully there aren’t very many people out here, and the chatter and music from the ballroom filters into the foyer with the opening of the door.

Bane’s lip curls and he claps a palm on the back of Armstrong’s neck, holding tight and getting in close. “You might want to keep your voice down, unless you’d like your nose broken again. I promise, cousin, no amount of surgery will make your face pretty again when I’m done with you.”

Bane keeps the pressure on as he moves Armstrong around the corner. I follow, partly because I don’t want to miss it should Bane lay out Armstrong, and partly because, now that I have reinforcements and some privacy, I can say a few of the things I want to.

“Listen to me.” Bane drops his hand but gets right up in Armstrong’s face. “You’re ruining my engagement party because you can’t let shit go. I get that it’s hard for you to grasp that the world doesn’t revolve around you, but this isn’t the time or the place to air your grievances, or plead your case with Amie.”

“I can’t get to her any other way. Everyone has made it impossible otherwise.”

“And why do you think that is, Armstrong?”

He peeks out from behind Bane. “Fuck you, Lexington. You can’t have what’s mine.”

“Can I just punch him?” I look to my brother who’s wearing an incredulous expression, before I turn my attention back to Armstrong. “Amie is not a possession. I don’t understand how you don’t get that. You destroyed what you had. No one is responsible for that but you. You ruined her and I put her back together.”

“Isn’t that convenient for you, always playing the hero like you do. Not anymore, though, not now that she knows you were just after her because of me.” He’s back to looking smug.

Bancroft shakes his head and rolls his shoulders. He’s been pushed to his limits. Frankly so have I. “I’m very close to knocking you out if you don’t shut up. Your history with Lex is not a reason to torture Amie. She’s been through enough. You humiliated her and you continue to torment her by refusing to sign the annulment papers. You’re dragging your family’s name through the dirt by acting like this. As much as you’d like to think your family controls the media, people talk. Your competition hired her for Christ’s sake. Now I’m going to escort you to the elevators and one of the security guards is going to make sure you get in a car. If you come back, I’ll have you arrested for trespassing.”

When I make a move to go with them, Bane points a finger at me. “You stay here and don’t move.”

Normally I wouldn’t be inclined to take orders from my little brother, but in this case I think it’s imperative that I do.

He’s back less than a minute later. “How long?”

I don’t need to ask him what he’s referring to. “A while.”

“Be more specific. What’s a while? A week? A month? Longer?”

Shit. I don’t want to come clean about this right now, not before I can talk to Amie. “It’s been months.”

Bane’s eyes go wide and his hands curl into fists. “What?”

“It’s not what you think.” I should expect the punch, but I’m not prepared for it. I double over, clutching my gut. I cough a few times and try not to throw up the scotch or my dinner. It hurts a lot more than it did when we were kids.

“Were you with her this afternoon?”

I’m still trying to catch my breath, so I nod.

“You fuckhead.” He grabs me by the lapels and hoists me up so we’re eye to eye. “What were you thinking? Of all the women you could screw, why her? Why my fiancée’s best friend? Why Armstrong’s goddamn wife? Do you have any idea how bad this looks, especially with your history with Armstrong? Does she even know about that? I told you to keep an eye on her, I fucking told you to watch yourself, and did you listen? Of course not.”

He shoves me and I stumble back into the wall. It looks like he’s thinking about hitting me again. When we were kids we used to wrestle a lot. Until we were teenagers I always won. Then Bancroft hit a growth spurt and I started losing, every damn time. He cocks a fist, possibly to break my nose, so I blurt, “I’m in love with her.”

His frowns and hesitates.

“I love her,” I repeat.

“You better not be saying that just to avoid getting punched in the face.”

I shake my head and bend at the waist, bracing my hands on my knees. Bane has a mean right hook. “I mean it. I’m in love with her.”

He stares at me for a few very long seconds, then runs his hand through his hair. It’s not a great move, since it’s curly and has product in it keep it from getting out of control, which it now is. “You’re serious.” He’s definitely stunned.

“Yeah. It’s pretty bad. I’m kinda fucked right now.”

“When did this happen?”

“You mean the feelings part?”

“The whole thing.”

“You have to promise not to punch me again.”

Bane gives me a look. “Did this start in Bora Bora?”

At my nod Bane flexes his hands and releases a slow breath. “You’ve been hiding this the entire time?”

“No. Well, yes. It wasn’t supposed to be anything beyond just hooking up when we were there, because we knew it wasn’t a good idea, but then you got engaged and things just . . . happened. And then we kept it quiet because Armstrong wouldn’t sign the annulment papers.”

Bane rubs the back of his neck. “Couldn’t have picked a more complicated person to fall for?”

I shrug. “We both know I don’t like doing things the easy way.”

“Isn’t that the truth?”

“Armstrong has done a pretty good job of screwing things up for me, as he does.”

Bane puts a heavy hand on my shoulder. “You’ve fixed worse.”

I don’t know if he’s right. I don’t know if there is worse than this.

* * *

Not long after Bane and I return to the hall we’re called on by Mimi, who thanks us for our help in organizing the party. Amie’s gracious and well spoken, turning her smile on me as she tells the attendees how she couldn’t have done it without my help. Her anger simmers just under the surface, though. I want an opportunity to make that emotion disappear. But I don’t get a chance to talk to her before she leaves the stage and moves through the crowd of guests. By the time I’m finished saying good night to everyone I can’t find her anywhere.

I sneak out of the ballroom and head for the elevators that will take me to the penthouse floor, pulling up her contact on the way. I’m unsurprised when it goes to voicemail. “Amie, baby, I know you probably have some questions. A lot of questions, and that’s understandable. I just want you to give me a chance to answer them, so please when you get this message call me back.”

I hit end and tap restlessly on the handrail. This elevator is taking forever. When I reach the penthouse floor I bypass my room and knock on her door. I get no response. What if she went somewhere other than her room? Would she go to the lobby bar? I don’t think so, but it’s possible that she’s planning to run, as she sometimes does.

I go to my own room, debating my options in this situation. I should’ve been prepared for this eventuality, but our bubble of secrecy made me feel falsely protected even if I wanted it to disappear.

I cross over to the door connecting our rooms and knock quietly, but get no response. I call her again, put my ear to the door and listen, pressing the phone against my thigh to muffle the ringing on my end. I catch the faint sound of her phone through the steel barrier and hear a muffled thump, followed by Amie swearing.

“Amie, baby, can you open the door for me, please? I just want to talk. Can we do that? You know how Armstrong is, how he twists things around. He’s a liar and a manipulator. I’ll answer any questions you have if you just open the door. I’ll explain so it makes sense.”

The silence stretches out, vast and empty.

“Let me try and make it better, Amie, please.”

A muted click has me rushing to my door and throwing it open just as Amie attempts to sneak past with her suitcase. I step out into the hall, blocking her way. “You’re really going to run away without giving me a chance to explain?”

“What’re you going to explain, Lex? How you were getting back at Armstrong for stealing the toy you saw first? How amazing it must’ve felt to steal it back and play with it? I trusted you. How far were you going to take this?”

“You only heard part of the conversation and it was taken out of context. Amie, please come in and talk to me. You know me better than this.”

“I thought I did. I don’t know who to trust.” She closes her eyes and tears track down her cheeks. “I just keep making these bad decisions and I didn’t want you to be one of them.”

“I promise I’m not.”

“Then why does it feel like I’m part of some pissing contest?”

“Look, I should’ve told you about my history with Armstrong and how bad things got when we were kids. Eventually I just backed down and let him have what he wanted because he treats people the same way he treats everything else, with complete disregard. But after what happened at the wedding I was done letting him have things he didn’t deserve. But I promise, Amie, it was never about getting him back. Not for me. I never planned to rub it in his face like he rubbed you in mine.”

I touch her arm and she jerks away. “Don’t.”

“I’m sorry. I only want to talk, Amalie. I won’t touch you again if you don’t want me to.” I motion inside my room.

She sighs and crosses the threshold. I hope my words are going to be enough to keep her from running again.

Twenty-Five: Believe Me

Amie

I feel broken. Shattered might be a better word.

As I stand in the middle of Lex’s room, I acknowledge for a moment that so much of this is my fault. This position I find myself in is my own doing. I’ve created this situation, maybe not consciously, but I’m still the one who should be held responsible for my emotional state.

I hate that Armstrong still has the ability to make me question myself and the people I trust.

“Can I get you something to drink?” Lex asks softly.

I think I’m even in love with his voice.

“Please.” It’s more whisper than word.

“Do you have any preference? I have sparkling water and orange juice.”

I close my eyes against the razorblade edge of pain that simple offering brings. Because Lex knows what my favorite things are. He knows the exact ratio of orange juice to sparkling water I like. He pays attention to the small details. The little things are what made me fall. I want him to fall with me. I don’t want to be alone in this love.

“That would be perfect, thank you.”

“Why don’t you have a seat?” He gestures to the couch.

My legs carry me weakly across the soft carpet and I drop down on the plush red velvet. Hours ago I’d considered how I’d planned to change into sexy lingerie and make good use of this particular piece of furniture. Now I’m sitting here, watching my life fall apart all over again, and the only constant is Lex and my bad decisions. I don’t want them to be one and the same.

I try to breathe through the pain in my chest as the conversations over the past several hours filter through my head, starting with Bane and Lex in this room, mine with Ruby next door, Armstrong’s vicious attempt at blackmail and finally the overheard conversation between Lex and Armstrong.

Dominos line up just to knock each other over, the last one threatening to tip me over the edge.

Lex sets a glass in front of me and sits at the other end of the couch, giving me space. He stretches his arm across the back of the cushions, regarding me sadly. “I think I should probably start with the discord between Armstrong and me.”

“Was I one of your competitions?”

“For Armstrong? Possibly. For me, no.”

“And I should believe you because?”

Lex exhales a heavy breath. “I don’t have a reason to lie to you, Amie. It’s not going to get me what I want and it’s only going to widen the chasm between us. I’d prefer to narrow that gap with long overdue truths.”

I motion for him to continue. My hands are shaking so much I have to hold my glass with two hands to keep it steady.

“Armstrong was my best friend growing up, as much as he could be anyone’s best friend, I suppose. Gwendolyn and my mother had very different approaches to parenting. Gwendolyn wasn’t interested in being a mother, and if she’d had her way, he would’ve been sent to boarding school like Lincoln, but for some reason that didn’t happen. My mother felt bad for him, and as a result Armstrong spent a lot of time with my family.”

“He doesn’t have a relationship with his older brother at all?” I’ve only heard mention of him in passing, Gwendolyn and Fredrick don’t even talk about him. I’m not even sure if he was invited to the wedding at all.

“He didn’t while we were growing up. Armstrong and I are the same age, so for me it was like having another brother. We were in the same classes together all the way through to high school. We joined a lot of the same teams, shared a lot of the same interests. The competitiveness started out innocently enough. It was just the usual kid stuff, who got the highest marks, the most goals, the best golf score.”

He pauses to take a sip of his drink. “We got into a lot of trouble together. I got in more when I was with him, but he was really good at pushing the blame on me, and I took it most of the time because my parents weren’t as hard on me as his were on him.

“Anyway, in high school things started to change. You know how it is, new friends, new interests. I had an easier time making friends than he did, and he didn’t really like that. One day me and a bunch of guys decided to go down to the river and Armstrong wanted to come even though water and heights freak him out.”

“The bridge-jumping accident?”

“Did Ruby tell you about that?” He taps restlessly on the back of the couch.

“She didn’t have much in the way of details. I can’t imagine Armstrong jumping off a bridge into water.”

“He shouldn’t have done it, and it was my fault he did.” He sighs but keeps talking. “Armstrong had managed to steal a bottle of his dad’s scotch, so the guys were all over him being there, even though most of them didn’t really like him, because as you know, Armstrong can be a dick when he wants to. I was used to it, but sometimes it got tiring. We were drinking and being stupid. Armstrong wouldn’t stop one-upping me on everything. It was petty teenage posturing. I should’ve just let it go, but I’d had enough that day, so when the guys decided to bridge jump, I dared Armstrong to do it. At first I didn’t think he would, but I just kept pushing. I should’ve known better.”

“I can’t believe he went through with it.”

“Neither could I, to be honest. He’d had a lot of shots. He was trying to be cool. We all were. It didn’t take long for me to realize it was a really bad idea. He full on panicked as soon as he hit the water. One of the guys took a bunch of pictures of the whole thing, from Armstrong jumping to me going in after him. He almost ended up drowning us both. He pulled me under trying to use me to stay afloat. That’s when I ripped my back open on the rocks. Eventually I managed to get us out.”

I can only imagine how terrifying that would’ve been. And how guilty Lex must have felt after that. “What happened with the pictures?”

Lex exhales a tired breath. “He posted them all over the place. Most of the school saw them and drew their own conclusions. They weren’t flattering for Armstrong.”

“Oh God.” The humiliation must have been awful for him.

“Yeah. It was like teenage social murder for Armstrong. It made me look like some kind of hero and Armstrong just like this self-indulgent brat, when really it was my fault he jumped at all. If I hadn’t gone in after him he might not have survived. I couldn’t have lived with that. Eventually his family was able to have the images removed, but the damage was already done.”

It’s hard not to feel for both of them in that situation. Kids can be cruel to each other, and it seems like there were no innocents here. “What happened after that?”

“Gwen blamed it on me, and my mother blamed it on Armstrong. They separated us. For me it was manageable, I had two brothers, but he had no one, and school wasn’t a great place for him. After that the competition between us got a lot worse, and became less . . . innocuous. He couldn’t get over what had happened so he went out of his way to do things to mess with me. If I was interested in someone he’d find a way to fuck it up or get in there before I could. That wasn’t anything I couldn’t handle, but sometimes it got nasty. I was complicit more than I should’ve been. He’d sabotage me and then I’d do the same to him.”

“Sabotage how?” I don’t know this side of Lex and I’m not sure I like it.

“Some of it was just prank stuff. Once he put laxatives in my protein shake when we were on the soccer team. It was a huge game. I was better than he was, but then I couldn’t play and he got more time on the field because of it. And once I gave him a bogus copy of an exam so he’d memorized all the wrong things and tanked. It ruined his GPA that year.”

I got into trouble, but not that kind. “That’s—”

“Vindictive.” Lex purses his lips, watching my reaction. “It wasn’t good and those weren’t even close to the worst things we did to each other. Armstrong’s retaliations were creative, but mine were just as bad. There were a couple of summers I got sent to work with my dad on projects out of the country because Armstrong and I together was bad news. By college we didn’t get along at all.

“He’d do things to make me look incompetent, embarrass me at family functions, really just anything he could do to make things difficult for me. A few times he managed to hack into my work email and mess with files when I first started working with my father. There weren’t any lines he wouldn’t cross, and it seemed like it was confined to me and no one else. And then he started using people against me.”

“Using people how?” I have to wonder if this is where I come in.

Lex watches the ice cubes swirl in his glass. “He’d screw a girl I was dating just to piss me off. He made relationships impossible for a while and I just kind of took it, because he was already fucked up and I felt like it was my fault that it got worse. But he just kept pushing, and every time I pushed back it would escalate. I didn’t want to keep perpetuating that kind of toxic conflict, it was too consuming, and it was making a mess of my life. So after a while if he wanted something, I just let him have it.”

So much makes sense now. I ask the question I have half an answer to already. “Is that what happened with me?”

“I pointed you out to someone at that event. I didn’t realize Armstrong was listening. I called dibs like an asshole and went to talk to you.”

“And when you went to get me a drink . . .”

Lex smiles ruefully. “Armstrong did what he does best, he stepped in and put on the charm.”

“He warned me about you, said he was saving me from making a mistake.”

“Sounds exactly like something he would say, and I’m sure in his mind it’s true.”

My mouth is dry and my palms are clammy. “And how did you retaliate?”

“I didn’t. I mean, sure, I was annoyed, and yeah, I wanted to, but that’s just what Armstrong does. I figured he would screw up somehow and that whatever was going on between you wouldn’t last long. I was shocked when you got engaged. And then I figured maybe you were really good for him. That you’d been able to bring out better parts in him, if there were any left.”

“But I didn’t.”

“In your defense, I don’t think there is any good in Armstrong to bring out. I just really couldn’t understand how he managed to get you to agree to marry him.” Lex looks at me like he’s expecting answers of his own.

Explaining is hard, because my reasons for agreeing to marry Armstrong weren’t the right ones. “Obviously I made a huge mistake.”

“I want you to know that as much as I didn’t like that Armstrong was marrying you, I never would’ve done anything to compromise that. I get that it might be difficult not to see the coincidences as more than that, but I had no plans to sabotage him, not with Brittany, not with me being in your bridal suite. It was the best place to hide.”

“What about Bora Bora?”

“My being there was another very odd coincidence. I’d like to think of it more as fate pulling strings.” He gives me a small smile.

“So sleeping with me wasn’t about getting back at Armstrong?”

“You were in a bad headspace, Amie. Revenge isn’t a good enough reason to hurt someone who’s already hurting. I really tried to do the right thing, but then you were in the bar, and that guy was hitting on you. The last thing I wanted was you getting taken advantage of by some island rando. I thought I was a better distraction.”

I drop my eyes, unable to meet his gaze right now. “You were an excellent distraction.”

“But I wasn’t just a distraction, was I? I might be able to understand if Bora Bora was a complete fuckfest, but that’s not what it felt like to me. The only time we weren’t together was when I had meetings, and even then I found ways to keep you with me. And what about the past two months? You sleep in my bed. I sleep in yours. You have a toothbrush in my bathroom and the code to my condo.

“That would have to be a pretty elaborate ruse, and I would have to be a pretty awful person to string you along like that, especially after what you’ve been through. That would make me far worse than Armstrong. I hope you don’t think I’m capable of that kind of maliciousness.”

I shift so I’m facing him. “I would never want to believe you could be that spiteful. I just . . . I’ve just made so many bad choices. Even the ones I thought were good ended up being bad.”

“And that’s what you’re worried about? That I’m another bad choice?”

“Not exactly. I’m worried Armstrong won’t sign the papers. And even when he does, can you honestly tell me you want to get caught up in all of this with me?” I want to be right about him. I want him to want me the way I want him.

“Come on, Amie. I thought we were past this. I know you’ve been through a lot and I haven’t wanted to push you into something you’re not ready for, but now . . . I don’t know. Knowing you the way I do, I’m just trying to understand what you were doing with Armstrong in the first place and whether the papers are just an excuse to keep this”—he motions between us—“from being something real.”

I hadn’t really considered that; the possibility that the papers are just another way to keep myself guarded from the things I want but fear I’m not meant to have, like happiness and love. “I just wanted to make the right choice for once.”

“You keep saying that, and I’m not sure I understand what it means.”

“I made a lot of bad boyfriend decisions when I was younger, and that didn’t really change as I got older. Before Armstrong, I got involved with someone who caused a lot of problems.”

“What kind of problems?”

“The kind where I ended up detained in an interrogation room in a Mexican airport with a room full of armed guards.”

His eyes widen in shock. “You want to elaborate?”

“Apparently the import-export business isn’t always aboveboard.”

“Apparently.”

“That was the worst trouble I’d ever gotten into, and I promised myself and my family it wouldn’t happen again. When you introduced yourself that night I was so taken. You seemed like exactly my type; gorgeous, smooth, and that sleeve . . .” I tilt my head to the side, remembering the way his cuff had pulled up when he kissed the back of my hand. How electric that feeling had been. “But when Armstrong followed it up with a warning—”

“You heeded it.”

“He was the exact opposite of the guys I usually ended up with, and he seemed like a safe choice.”

After a brief silence he asks, “Did you love him?”

“I thought I did. I wanted to believe I did, but I fell in love with the idea of him, not the reality. At the time I couldn’t differentiate between the two.” I rub my temple, trying to ease the ache. “It’s hard to come to terms with knowing the entire relationship was a lie. He only wanted me so you couldn’t have me.”

“I don’t know that it’s that simple.”

“It feels that simple.” It’s so much to process, and I worry that this honesty will make Lex look at me differently, make him want me less, or maybe not at all.

“He cared about you as much as he knows how to care about anyone other than himself.”

“It just makes me question everything. All my choices.”

“Am I included in those choices?”

There’s pain in his voice. I don’t want to look at him and see the hurt. So much has changed over the course of this evening, and yet, so much is still the same. “I don’t want you to be. I’m confused. I was already conflicted tonight when we almost got caught, and then all this stuff with Armstrong happened. My head is mixed up. I’m still afraid to trust my own feelings.”

Lex taps the edge of the couch. “And what are your feelings?”

I love you. I want to be with you. I should’ve waited for you to come back with that drink. I say none of those things. I can’t even look at him when I whisper, “I’m afraid I can’t answer that right now.”

He moves in close and runs soft fingertips along my cheek. “Okay. I’m going to stop pushing you for answers you’re not ready to give.”

I lean in to the touch. It’s like everything else ceases to exist as soon as we’re connected this way. I want to lose myself in him, but I know I can’t. Not when there are things I need to take care of first. Not when there are endings that need to happen before we start a new beginning. I turn my face and hold his hand in mine, pressing my lips against his palm.

Lex’s eyes fall shut as a rueful smile curves the corner of his mouth. “You know I don’t ever want to say no to you.”

I nod. “I know.” I think I love him all the more for wanting to be more than just a distraction from tonight.

“I know what I want, and I know exactly how I feel about you. As soon as you figure you out, we can figure us out.”

Twenty-Six: Unbreak Me

Amie

Three Weeks Later

Today is the big day. After months of saying I did not want to get a divorce—who would want to be divorced after less than a day of marriage—Pierce and his colleague, who specializes in family law at his firm, finally talked me into filing divorce papers. I was tired of being unwillingly chained to Armstrong. Pierce took real pleasure in telling Armstrong. But the real satisfaction came when he mentioned that the divorce would activate a fidelity clause in the prenup. After realizing how much money and stock in Moorehead Media he’d have to give me, he quickly signed the annulment papers. I would’ve been offended if I hadn’t been so relieved.

Finally the nightmare is over and Armstrong is out of my life—well, as out of it as he can be since he’s related to my best friend’s fiancé and my boyfriend. But at least seeing him will be isolated to her wedding and the occasional social event.

I call Ruby the second the paperwork is filed. “I’m free!”

She squeals excitedly. “Finally! Want to come over for an Anti-Armstrong celebration cocktail? I’m pretty sure we have champagne chilling in the wine fridge.”

I get into the waiting Uber. “Thanks for the offer, but I have something I need to do.”

“Don’t you mean someone you need to do?”

“Ha ha. It’s the middle of the day, I’m just stopping by the Concord to say hi.”

“In case you didn’t realize it, Amie, that’s a hotel, with literally hundreds of beds. There’s plenty of opportunity for you to use your vagina to say hi to his penis if you want.”

I snort. While I’m certainly looking forward to all variety of greetings, what I’m most excited and nervous about is finally being able to do away with the secrecy. The people closest to us know, but this means we’ll be able to attend functions together and not worry about backlash or gossip. And go on dates, and eat in restaurants, and hold hands in public. I’ve never been so excited about PDAs.

“So does this mean you two don’t need chaperones anymore?”

“We didn’t need chaperones in the first place.”

Now it’s Ruby’s turn to make a disbelieving sound. “You do realize the last time we had dinner the two of you made fuck-eyes at each other the entire time.”

“Like you’re one to talk. You and Bane make fuck-eyes at each other constantly.”

“We do n— Okay, you have a point, we do that often. Can I tell you how proud I am of you right now?”

“For getting Armstrong to sign the annulment papers?”

“For allowing yourself to take a chance on someone who actually deserves you.”

“Okay, I’m getting off the phone before you make me cry and my mascara runs.”

“Your mascara is always waterproof.”

“I don’t want cry-eyes, only fuck-eyes. I love you. Wish me luck.”

“Luck.”

I hang up and take a deep breath as the car pulls up in front of the Concord, where Lex is working this afternoon.

In the weeks since the engagement party he’s been in regular contact. To be completely honest, almost nothing has changed between us apart from how often we see each other. Phone calls, texts, some video chats all became our norm. But sex is off the table and so are sleepovers. Which is part of the reason we haven’t seen as much of each other.

It’s not just about my limited control, it’s his as well, which makes me feel slightly better. When we’re together we’re compelled to touch, and that can be dangerous. I am ashamed to report I have tried to get into his pants every time I’ve seen him. I even suggested just the tip once. And dry humping. He still said no, although I could tell it wasn’t easy.

The six times I’ve seen Lex—all planned and in public places—the only contact I’m allowed is a hug and some hand holding. He won’t even kiss me—well he did, but it was on the cheek. I tried the sneaky-quick head turn to get some lip-on-lip contact. It didn’t work the way I wanted it to.

Lex has made it perfectly clear that until I’m where I need to be emotionally, his dick is staying in his pants and out of me. It’s some solid incentive to sort myself out. I miss him. Not just the sex, which I definitely miss, but just being near him. I hadn’t realized in the months since we started sleeping together just how close we’d become. I miss the constant contact. I miss snuggling. I miss sleeping beside him and the warmth of his body next to mine. I feel as though an extension of myself has been removed without that closeness.

I tried to expedite the process, but the truth is I’ve had a lot of personal sorting to do that no amount of yoga or self-defense classes could help me with. I don’t let people get too close to me because I’m afraid I’ll end up like my parents, who are constantly running away from each other. I fear being let down or being left behind.

The only person I’ve ever allowed to get close and stay close is Ruby, because she’s been there with me through everything, my endless rebellions, my parents’ unstable, tumultuous relationship, moving to New York, my string of hot yet terrible boyfriends.

Armstrong seemed safe because he appeared to be the polar opposite of who I’d been attracted to. I fell in love with the idea of safety instead of an actual person. Spending the rest of my life in a loveless marriage would’ve been torture. And then Lex came and turned everything upside down. I tried to run, but I just ended up going in circles, because I finally had a taste of what real love, the kind that makes a person want to stay, could be like.

Through this entire thing Lex has been my constant. After Ruby’s engagement party he didn’t give me space like I expected. Instead he messaged daily, just to tell me he was thinking about me and that he was here if I needed him. It’s the way he’s been from the beginning—since he saved me in the airport from the security jerks rummaging through my sex toy tickle trunk. Or maybe even before that, from the moment he introduced himself and offered to get me a drink, he’s been there, sometimes in the background, just waiting—watching—but not in a creepy way.

Lex is a tender soul. The more I let my guard down and him in, the more of that tenderness I see. He’s still a flirt and incredibly filthy, but there’s another side to him, one I caught glimpses of in Bora Bora, and once we were back in New York.

Once Lex is in, he’s all in. That scares me a little, but it doesn’t change how I feel about him. I’m in love with this man. I’ve come to terms with that over the past few weeks.

I find him in his favorite place to work, sitting in the back of the restaurant with his laptop and several file folders laid out in front of him. I take a moment to truly see him. He’s wearing his glasses. Dear sweet Lord they do amazing things to my body. Although that might be due in part to the weeks of sex deprivation. Lex Sex Withdrawal.

His suit jacket is slung over the chair next to him, his shirtsleeves rolled halfway up his forearms, showing off the colorful artwork along his forearm. His hair is perfectly styled, the only part of him that really conforms. I exhale a shaky breath as I finally allow the feelings that have been confined and locked down to rise to the surface.

I want this man so badly. And not just in bed, which I definitely want, but in all facets of my life.

He’s immersed in his work so he doesn’t notice as I cross the restaurant. I bring a finger to my lips when the staff, who are already familiar with me, wave in greeting. As soon as I move into his peripheral vision his gaze lifts, surprise registers, then a smile lights up his gorgeous face. “Hi.”

I adjust my purse strap, all my nerves firing at once. “Hi.”

“I wasn’t expecting to see you until later tonight.” He pushes his chair back and stands.

I take a cautious step forward as Lex’s gaze moves over me, taking in my attire. I’m wearing a dress. It’s black, short, and clingy. The perfect annulment dress. When his gaze finally returns to my face it’s full of familiar heat. The kind I haven’t been able to appreciate in weeks. And behind that are emotions I didn’t see before, maybe because I wasn’t ready for them.

My nervousness must be apparent in the way I’m twisting my hands, because the heat quickly simmers and fades, replaced by concern.

His fingertips skim the length of my bare arms. “Is everything okay, Amie?”

“I just met with Pierce.” Even my voice is trembling, along with every other part of me. I didn’t realize just how afraid I’ve been of this moment. Sometimes being unleashed is just as terrifying as being shackled. And now that I can have this man, I have the irrational fear that he won’t want me anymore.

His eyes flare and his fingers drop. “Oh?”

“Armstrong finally signed the papers.” I do partial jazz hands and bite my lip. Dammit. Why do I feel like I’m going to cry? I blink a few times, trying to clear the sudden blur.

Lex’s expression softens. “Are you okay?”

I nod and step into him. His arms come around me, warm, solid, grounding. “I don’t know why I’m so emotional about this,” I mumble into his chest.

I feel his lips at my temple. “You can be as emotional as you want, baby. He tethered you for no reason other than that he could, and now you’re free, that has to be a foreign feeling.”

I absorb his affection. This man, right here, is everything I want. Admitting it is the easy part. Eventually I pull back so I can see him. I trace the contour of his jaw. His patience has been astounding. This is what love really is. Giving someone time to find their way back to you, holding out a hand when they’re ready to take it.

“I’m as relieved as I am scared.”

He touches my knuckle to his lips. I feel it everywhere in my body. “What are you scared of?”

“I don’t know. Everything? I don’t want to be a mistake for you.”

“Tell me something.” He cups my face in his wide, warm palms and brushes his lips gently over mine. “Does this feel like a mistake to you?”

My lips move against his as I answer. “No.”

“Then what is there to be afraid of?”

“This,” I whisper.

“What part of this?”

“What if it doesn’t work out?”

“What if it does?”

“I don’t want to get hurt again.”

“I don’t want to hurt you, Amie, I want to love you.” He caresses my cheek with his knuckles. “Won’t you let me try?”

At my nod his lips find mine again, but it’s not gentle or chaste this time.

One heated kiss in the middle of the restaurant is all it takes for Lex to pack up his laptop and files. We can’t keep our hands or mouths to ourselves on the elevator ride to the penthouse floor. We barely make it through the door—to the same suite we got caught in last time—before Lex drops to his knees and shoves my dress up to my hips.

He exhales a long breath with a low whistle. “Ah, fuck.” And then he nuzzles the black lace and leather before he bites the inside of my thigh. He lifts his gaze, his smile wicked. “Up for a little anarchy, are we?”

“With you? Always.”

Epilogue: With Me

Lexington

This tux is hot. I’m sweating. It could be sympathy sweats. Bane is freaking the fuck out right now. He might look calm, but he’s adjusted his tie five times in the last thirty seconds, a sure sign he’s nervous. We Mills men are fidgety motherfuckers. None of us would ever excel as professional poker players. I elbow him in the shoulder and mutter, “Stop fidgeting.”

He drops his hands and clasps them in front of him. That lasts for all of three seconds before he starts tapping on his hip.

“Seriously, Bane. Chill out.”

“I’m fucking nervous,” he snaps. “Do you have the ring?”

“It’s still in my pocket, where it was when you asked me five minutes ago.”

The music cues and he wipes his palms on his thighs.

I grab his shoulders. “It’s do or die time.”

Bane’s expression is incredulous.

“Sorry.” I clap him on the back of the neck. “You got this. Go claim your woman for all eternity.”

“I think it’s safe to say you shouldn’t switch to a career in motivational speaking.”

“Thanks for killing my dreams.”

He laughs. “I don’t know how Amie puts up with you.”

“It’s ’cause my dick is huge.”

My mother slaps me on the arm with her clutch. “Lexington, you’re in a church.”

I turn and give her my most charming, apologetic smile. “Sorry, Mimi, just trying to take Bane’s mind off his nerves.”

She glares, but I can see she’s fighting a smile. I step aside and let my brother link arms with our mother and walk down the aisle. Griffin, who returned from Asia after a six-month long business trip just in time for the wedding, follows behind.

Amie’s gown is lavender, clingy and seriously sexy for a bridesmaid dress. Ruby gets props for that. I’m looking forward to getting my hands on Amie, and peeling that dress off, possibly with my teeth. I already know what she’s wearing under it, thanks to a few pictures sent earlier today.

Amie smiles and winks as she takes her place as the maid of honor opposite me. I don’t really pay attention to the ceremony as much as I should, which is obvious when I’m elbowed for the ring.

When the ceremony is over I step up beside Amie and thread my arm through hers, walking her down the aisle. I don’t know if this kind of wedding will ever be something she’ll want after what she’s been through, but I do know that I’m going to love her regardless.

As we pass the last few aisles her grip on my arm tightens. I follow her gaze to where Brittany Thorton, or Whore-ton as Ruby has not-so-fondly nicknamed her, is sitting in the back row. But it’s not my cousin beside her. I vaguely recognize the guy she’s with, but I can’t put a name to his face. Apparently the rumors that Armstrong was dumped are true. Moorehead Media has run into some financial issues in the past few months, and it’s having quite the impact on his desirability factor.

“What the hell is she doing here?” Amie whispers.

I shrug. Her parents are here, too, since they’re old family friends, but it’s kind of weird that she’d attend when she’s been set up with both the groom and myself. Although, based on my experiences with Brittany, it’s all about the ladder-climbing opportunities.

Once pictures have been taken I don’t get to be near Amie until speeches are over. The way we gravitate toward each other is subconscious. We’re not like magnets that attract and push away. She’s my sun and I’m her moon, connected by an invisible thread, bound but free.

I take advantage of every single slow song. Holding her close, I drop my mouth to her ear. “How long are we obligated to stay?”

“We’re in the wedding party. Until the end.”

“Do you think we can disappear for a few minutes? You can say you forgot something in our room.” I nibble on her lobe.

Amie hums like maybe she agrees that this is a good plan. My semi gets closer to becoming a full hard-on.

“I can feel that,” she whispers.

“Feel what? This?” I press my palm firmly against her back, keeping her tight against me.

“Stop trying to probe my navel, and watch your hands, Mr. Mills, your grandparents are here, we need to keep it PG.” She shifts the hand that’s pressed against her low back up several inches.

“Call me Mr. Mills again.”

“No.”

“Just once?” I brush my lips across her cheek.

“No.”

“Come on, baby. I’ll make it worth your while later. You’re killing me in this dress tonight, especially since I know what’s underneath it.”

She leans back, which pushes her hips into mine, and bats her lashes. “You like my new pretties?”

“I can’t wait to see what they look like off you.”

She rolls her eyes, but she’s smiling. “In a couple of hours you can get me naked, like you do pretty much every night.”

“It’s two hours too many.”

“You can survive two hours.”

She’s right. I can. But I don’t want to. So I spend the next ninety minutes whispering filthy things in her ear. She threatens to withhold tickle trunk access if I keep it up, so I stop. Well, the whispering. Instead, I make her close dance with me even to the fast songs so she can feel my hard-on. Then I do all the things I know drive her crazy. I skim the length of her arm, kiss her shoulder, nuzzle her neck, and trace the line of her spine.

The second we’re in the room she’s on me, pulling her jujitsu moves, taking me to the floor. “Look who’s having a hard time with control now.”

“You’re the one who had your hands all over me all night.”

“I like touching you.” She knows this.

She bites my lip and yanks my shirt free from my pants. “Well you better start touching me in the places that count.”

“That sounds like a threat. You planning to take something away if I don’t give you what you want?”

Amie narrows her eyes at my raised brow. Then she sits up, bracing her hands on my chest, one side of her mouth curving up in a sly grin. “I brought your favorite toys.” At the tilt of my head her smile widens. “You might wanna consider playing nice with me.”

I sit up in a rush, setting her off balance. She shrieks when I shove her dress up to her hips and grab her ass. Pushing to an awkward stand, I wrap her legs around my waist and carry her to the bed. Round one is frantic and wild. Round two is gentle and slow. I love every side of Amie, from naughty and dirty to sweet and soft.

As we lay on the rumpled sheets afterward I stroke her back. “How was tonight for you?”

She props her chin on my chest and closes one eye so she can focus on me. “You want me to rate the sex?”

I pinch her ass. “The frequency and volume of your orgasms indicate it was a ten out of ten.”

She tweaks my nipple in retaliation so I thread my fingers through hers to prevent it from happening again. “I’m talking about the wedding. You handled it well.” We’ve had conversations leading up to today, but being prepared doesn’t necessarily mean that the emotional impact will lessen.

“The only thing that threw me was Brittany being there. Otherwise it was fine. Good even. I had fun. Were you worried?”

“I just want to make sure you’re okay, and that you don’t keep everything locked up in here, like you sometimes do.” I tap her temple.

“I’m okay.” Her smile is soft as she kisses my chin and then lays her head on my chest again.

I wait, because I’ve given her a door and it will take her a few minutes to find the courage to accept the invitation to walk through it.

“Lex?”

“Yeah, baby.”

“Can I ask you something without you taking it the wrong way?”

“You should be able to.”

She breathes out a laugh. It’s another minute or so before she speaks again. “Do you want to get married? I mean, eventually, is that something you’re going to want? I don’t mean to me. I mean—” She shakes her head and mashes her face against my chest.

“Is marriage off the table for you?” I know it’s a possibility. Her first trip down the aisle was memorable for all the wrong reasons. I’d love to have the opportunity to replace it with new, better memories, but only if it’s something she wants, too, somewhere in the distant future.

“Just forget I asked that. It sounds stupid. I don’t want to get married, so don’t worry that I’m trying to push for that or anything, because I’m not.” She tries to escape so I tighten my hold on her.

“Are you asking because you’re afraid that’s what I want, or are you afraid I don’t?”

“I don’t know why I asked that. I need to use the bathroom.”

She’s still trying to wriggle free. “Don’t run away from me, baby.”

She stops fighting and goes limp. As soon as I loosen my hold she rolls away. I expect it. I know her well enough by now to understand her reaction to things. Just because she managed today doesn’t mean it wasn’t hard for her. I don’t let her get very far. I cage her with my arms and fit myself between her legs so she can’t bolt the way she wants to, the way she used to, before me, anyway.

“Did today scare you?” I whisper against her lips.

Her eyes flip open. She lifts a shoulder in a half-shrug. “They’re so happy together.”

I rub my nose against hers. “So are we. Nothing has to change.”

“Sometimes it terrifies me how much I love you. I didn’t even realize this kind of love was possible, but I don’t know—” She chokes on the words.

“Neither do I.” I stroke her cheek, her fear makes me sad, but I understand where it comes from. “I won’t push you for things you might never be ready to give, but I can tell you right now, I don’t want to ever be without you. I’ll revere you regardless. I don’t need a wedding to prove that.”

“You don’t need it, but would you want it?”

I traced the contour of her chin. “Would you?”

“Can you answer the question directly instead of with another question?”

“If given the option, would I want to marry you? Yes, Amie, but only if it was what you want, too. I have you in every way that counts. You live with me, you sleep beside me, you love me, that’s enough.”

“For now?”

Her uncertainty and worries aren’t unexpected tonight, so I don’t take them personally. “For as long as it needs to be enough. I don’t ever want you to feel tethered in this life again. I just want to keep your heart safe, baby.”

“When you say things like that you make me believe forever is possible,” she whispers.

“Good.” I brush my lips over hers. “That’s all I want, just you until the end of time.”

She twines her fingers in my hair, her legs wrapping around my waist with a soft laugh. “So totally just a hook-up.”

“Exactly. Just a permanent hook-up.” I break the kiss as I shift between her thighs. “Now I’m gonna love you, and you’re gonna like it.”

Her nose wrinkles, but she’s grinning. “Oh, you think so?”

“Oh, I know so.”

“How are you planning on loving me?”

“Like you’re my forever.”

And she is. No matter what that forever looks like, Amie’s mine, and I’m hers.

Acknowledgments

Sebastian, you’re my hero. Thank you for always being the biggest, most awesome cheerleader.

Debra, I hope we get to keep doing this until we’re living in trailers in Florida, writing books about forgetting to put your teeth in for a date.

Kimberly, you’re made of a special kind of awesome. Thank you for being such an incredible force.

To my friends and family who continue to support me on this sometimes wild and unpredictable journey, thank you. I’m so grateful for your love.

Huge love to my SMP family: Eileen, Titi, Marissa, Anne Marie, Heather, and Tiffany, you’re amazing and this has been such a joy. Especially the cover concepts. You make the hard work easy.

Jenn, you’re awesome. Thank you for dealing with me on a regular basis. Nina, we’ve been doing this together for a lot of years, my friend. Thank you for being on my side right from the beginning.

Sarah, you’re a godsend. I honestly have no idea how I functioned without you.

Hustlers, there is no other team like you. Thank you for being my ground floor and my safe place.

Beavers, you’re my best cheerleaders. Thank you for trusting me to take you on new journeys!

To my Backdoor Babes: Tara, Meghan, Deb, and Katherine, I’m so glad I have somewhere to talk about inappropriate things.

Pams, Filets, my Nap girls, 101’ers, my Holidays and Indies, Tijan, Susi, Deb, Erika, Katherine, Shalu, Kellie, Ruth, Melissa, Sarah, Kelly, Melanie, J, Ilsa, Kristy, Teeny—I’m beyond fortunate to be surrounded by such wonderful, supportive women.

Mike—thank you kicking my butt so I can sit in a chair for a lot of hours every day. I’ll keep bringing you cupcakes if you keep forcing me to do things I hate.

To all the amazing bloggers and readers who give their time, energy, and support so readily, thank you from the bottom of my heart—without you and your passion, we wouldn’t have this amazingly supportive community to rely on.

About the Author

AUTHOR PHOTOGRAPH © SEBASTIAN LOHNGHORN

New York Times and USA Today bestselling author of Pucked, Helena Hunting lives on the outskirts of Toronto with her incredibly tolerant family and two moderately intolerant cats. She writes contemporary romance ranging from new adult angst to romantic sports comedy.

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Table of Contents

1. Title Page

2. Copyright Notice

3. Dedication

4. Prologue: No More Bad Boys

5. One: Wedding Unbliss

6. Two: Fuck Yeah, or Maybe Not

7. Three: OMG

8. Four: Fuck You, Motherfucker

9. Five: Anti-Honeymoon

10. Six: Fuck Toy Warehouse

11. Seven: Mile High

12. Eight: Don’t Touch That

13. Nine: Honeymoon Blues

14. Ten: Dick Punch

15. Eleven: Martini Mouth

16. Twelve: After the Orgasms

17. Thirteen: Swoon

18. Fourteen: Complicated

19. Fifteen: Toys Toys Toys

20. Sixteen: Claim

21. Seventeen: Alone and Lonely

22. Eighteen: Home

23. Nineteen: New News

24. Twenty: Private Party

25. Twenty-One: I Can’t Stop

26. Twenty-Two: No Self-Control

27. Twenty-Three: Hurtful Truths

28. Twenty-Four: Falling Apart

29. Twenty-Five: Believe Me

30. Twenty-Six: Unbreak Me

31. Epilogue: With Me

32. Acknowledgments

33. About the Author

34. Copyright Page

This is a work of fiction. All of the characters, organizations, and events portrayed in this novel are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously.

HOOKING UP. Copyright © 2017 by Helena Hunting. All rights reserved. For information, address St. Martin’s Press, 175 Fifth Avenue, New York, N.Y. 10010.

www.stmartins.com

Cover photograph by Anthony Isambert

The Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available upon request.

ISBN 978-1-250-15547-4 (trade paperback)

ISBN 978-1-250-13333-5 (ebook)

First Edition: November 2017

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