Going Under

- Title Page

- 1 Mad Skills

- 2 Thumbing a Ride

- 3 The Untouchables

- 4 Princess

- 5 East Franklin’s Sweetheart

- 6 The Tardy Nazi

- 7 Just Because You Know My Name Doesn’t Mean You Know Me

- 8 I Need A Broom Fast

- 9 Fauxpology Not Accepted

- 10 The Penalty Box

- 11 Money Back Guarantee

- 12 All The Right Buttons

- 13 Friday Night Lights

- 14 I Don’t Want To Be Alright

- 15 Spooked

- 16 Many Shades of Black

- 17 Stinger

- 18 A Tangled Web

- 19 Shut the Front Door

- 20 Is This the Beginning or the End?

- 21 Declarations

- 22 Wife Material

- 23 Sweet Dream

- 24 Kiss Me Good

- 25 Kiss and Tell

- 26 Lamb to the Slaughter

- 27 WTH?

- 28 That’s Going to Leave a Mark

- 29 What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Stronger

- 30 I Won’t Let You Be My Fault

- 31 I’ll Take What I Can Get

- 32 Accidental Grazes

- 33 Spit It Out, Already

- 34 Kimosabe

- 35 Simple Humanity

- About Georgia Cates

- Connect with Georgia

- Other Books by Georgia Cates

- Official Going Under Playlist

- Significance

Going Under

By: Georgia Cates

Smashwords Edition

Published by Georgia Cates

Copyright 2012 Georgia Cates

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, brands, media and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. The author acknowledges the trademarked status and trademark owners of various products referenced in this work of fiction, which have been used without permission. The publication/use of these trademarks is not authorized, associated with, or sponsored by the trademark owners.

1 Mad Skills

Jessie

It was two weeks until I officially began classes at East Franklin High as the new guy, but today I was getting a preview of my new teammates and competition on the football field. From what I had heard and read about Coach Osborne, he was serious about this team, and giving anything less than my best wouldn’t earn a much needed position on first string. The spot was necessary if I planned to get a football scholarship and get the hell out of the place I currently hung my hat.

I drove to the football field. The parking lot next to the field house didn’t look like it was filled with vehicles belonging to high school kids – it looked more like valet parking at The Peabody. My old jalopy definitely didn’t fit in, so I took this as the first clue that I wouldn’t either.

I joined the crowd of guys sitting on the bleachers and the man standing before us announced, “I’m Coach Osborne and this is my assistant, Coach Sheffield. Before I can put you on the field, I need a copy of your physical.”

We didn’t have to get physicals at Collinsville, so what was up with that? A physical meant seeing a doctor, which required money I didn’t have. I thought of the injury to my shoulder, wondering what I would do if I couldn’t find a doc to release me to play because of the extensive trauma. Physical therapy had helped, but it wasn’t a hundred percent and I still had a lot of pain, which I’d chosen to deal with, rather than control with narcotics.

I watched the other players as they lined up to turn in their physicals and thought about how some things never changed for me. I had spent my entire life raising my hand to tell someone I didn’t have the things I needed and here I stood, 18 years old, still doing the same thing.

“Coach, I haven’t had a physical yet. I’m a transfer student and I didn’t know I needed one. They weren’t required at my old school.” I tried to make it sound more like a lack of knowing rather than lack of money.

“I can’t let you participate in practice until you are released and I have the paperwork on file. It’s a new policy, but one other schools will be requiring soon. What’s your name?”

“Jessie Boone.”

He lifted his clipboard and began writing. “Which school did you play for?”

I sighed. It was only a matter of time before my new classmates figured me out, but I had hoped it would take longer than one day. The likelihood of standing a chance with these brats plummeted to zilch when I announced I previously attended Collinsville, because everyone knew only poor, disadvantaged kids attended Collinsville High School.

Coach Osborne didn’t look up from his clipboard or appear to acknowledge what my attendance at Collinsville meant. “What position?”

“I was starting quarterback, sir,” I arrogantly announced, then turned to look at the crowd of guys, who’d erupted into laughter at that.

“Looks like you’ve got some competition, Henderson,” one of the guys cackled.

The guy I assumed was Henderson sized me up and I did the same to prove I wasn’t afraid of a little competition.

Coach looked up at the guys but said nothing, then returned his eyes to his clipboard and continued taking notes. “You throw with your right or left arm, Boone?”

“Both,” I answered.

“Okay, let me rephrase the question. Which is your better throwing arm?”

I delighted in informing the coach, “Both are pretty much equal because I’m ambidextrous. I can throw about 60 yards from either arm, so I never throw across my body.”

I heard murmurs among the crowd, then, “He’s full of it.”

Coach’s interest in me was peaked and he was curious to see if what I claimed was true.

“Only one way to find out.” He escorted me onto the field and the crowd followed, waiting to see proof of my rare ability. Coach Sheffield tossed a ball to me and said, “Time to show us what you’ve got. Cooper, you can be his receiver.”

A preppy guy in a polo shirt and expensive jeans sprinted to the end zone and waited for my throw. I walked out to the center of the field and stretched both of my arms. My left shoulder felt a little tight and I prayed it didn’t let me down because this was my big chance to prove my place on this team was starting quarterback.

I signaled the guy named Cooper to start running and I gave my best throw with my right arm, spiraling the football a little under sixty yards. The pass was completed perfectly when Cooper caught it in the end zone.

Coach Osborne nodded and said, “Very nice. Now, show me what you can do with the other arm.”

Cooper tossed the ball to me and I rolled my other shoulder in preparation. I cued Cooper to start running again and gave it my best shot. I watched the football spiral toward Cooper and he easily completed the pass. I gave a silent thanks to my recently traumatized shoulder for not failing me in front of the coach and team.

“That was fine job, son. Of course, I’ve heard of quarterbacks that could throw with both arms, but I’ve never seen it for myself and I certainly never dreamed I’d have one show up wanting to play for me. I think you just found a place on this team, but I can’t let you practice until you’re cleared. Do you think you can get a physical this week?”

“Yes, sir,” I lied.

“Okay, work on getting that as quickly as possible so I can put you in. Until you’re cleared, I want you observing the team to see how they work together.”

I nodded and took a seat on the bench while the others dressed out. As the players came onto the field I heard Henderson say, “Better get used to sitting on the bench because that’s where your game time will be spent.”

I turned to see a malicious grin and I couldn’t resist knocking him down a notch. “Am I confused or are you not the quarterback that got his ass handed to him in the state championship game last season?”

Coach walked onto the field between us and his presence interrupted our debate, but I knew it wasn’t over – it was only postponed.

Practice started and the team functioned very differently than the one I had played for at Collinsville. Although it was only the first practice, the team performed well together and as I watched, I became a little nervous about finding my place among them.

When the kicker took a water break, he sat on the bench next to me. “I hear things are pretty bad at Collinsville. How did you manage to not get shot?”

I wondered what made him so certain I hadn’t been. “Just lucky I guess.”

He offered his hand and said, “I’m Dane Wickham, by the way.”

I shook his hand firmly. “Jessie Boone.”

“Yeah, I heard. You’ve got some mad skills. How did you train yourself to throw with both arms so good?” He turned the water bottle in his hand and gulped while he waited for my answer.

The truth was that it was the only genetic perk I got from my worthless parents, but I wasn’t going there with this guy. “I didn’t train myself to do it. I’ve always been able to use either of my hands to do anything.”

“Well, it’s really cool and we’re glad to have you on our team, even if Henderson is acting like a jackass.”

“Thanks. I’m glad to be here instead of Collinsville. My old coach didn’t give a rip about us or if we ever won a single game. He just showed up because it was the part of his job he couldn’t dodge.”

“Hey, water boy! Bring me something to drink,” my new nemesis yelled from across the field. I flipped him off to let him know how I felt about his order. I figured it was better for this to go down sooner rather than later.

“I guess you figured out that’s Forbes Henderson, but ignore him. He was our first string quarterback last year and he’s showing off because he knows you just bumped him from starting.”

This was something we needed to be clear about from the beginning. “I hope I don’t look like I care, ‘cause I don’t.”

The guy laughed and said, “I somehow gathered that by the bird you just shot him. I can already tell this is going to get interesting. You aren’t like anyone at this school.”

“Dude, you have no idea.”

“Wickham, you kicking today or not?” the coach yelled from across the field.

“That’s my only warning. I don’t feel like running laps, so I guess I’ll catch you later.”

“Later.”

Practice lasted three hours and watching Henderson with his mediocre throwing skills made me itch to get out there with the team. I was ready to show them what I was made of; I was ready to show Henderson.

When Coach let us go, I went into the field house to get my jersey and found Henderson waiting for me. After I entered, he walked to the doorway to block me from leaving and said, “That’s a snazzy little trick you can pull, but don’t think you’re gonna just walk into the starting quarterback position, because I don’t plan on giving it up.”

I grabbed my bag off the bench and walked toward him without responding.

As I tried to step around him, he shoved his shoulder into mine and said, “Did you hear me, boy?”

His words and smirk triggered something in me, a reminder of the way Wayne would smirk before he beat me when I was a little kid. I grabbed him by his jersey and pulled him from the doorway, slamming him against the wall of the cement block field house. “Never touch me again. Understood?”

He didn’t respond as he stared me right in the eyes and I wasn’t sure if it was defiance or fear I saw.

“Do we have a misunderstanding already, guys?” I heard Coach ask from the doorway of his office as he stood with his arms crossed, waiting for an explanation.

I refused to lose the stare down and answered, “No, Coach, I think there’s a crystal clear understanding between us. Don’t you agree, Henderson?”

He narrowed his eyes at me and answered, “Yes, I believe Boone and I understand each other perfectly.”

“Glad to hear it. Now get out of here, Henderson. Boone, I need to see you in my office.”

Great. I was the one that was going to get rimmed out. That shouldn’t come as a surprise, it was only natural that the rich kid would get away with murder.

I followed Coach to his office. He shut the door, then told me to have a seat. Shutting the door was never a good sign and sitting meant he had a lot to say, an even worse sign. I prayed he wasn’t about to throw me off the team. I needed this spot desperately, so I inhaled deeply and put on my best pokerface to shield my nearly overwhelming fear of being told to get out.

“Are you aware of the magnificent talent you have, Boone?”

I shrugged my shoulders. I wasn’t use to hearing any kind of praise, but I knew what I could do was special.

“There’s a lot of colleges out there that dream of getting their hands on someone like you.”

I felt like I could breathe again when I realized I wasn’t being shown the door. I admitted, “I’m glad to hear you say that. I hope you’re right because I have to get a full ride if I want to go to college.”

He looked a little torn about what he wanted to say and I felt a stab of nervousness return.

“Boone, I’m a straight shooter so I’m just going to ask you. Have you not gotten the physical because you didn’t know about it, or can you not afford it?”

Every important time in my life has always come to this, the part where I’m forced to admit I come from nothing. I hesitantly said, “I didn’t know about it, but even if I had I can’t afford it. I plan on talking to my boss this afternoon. He might let me have an advance on my paycheck.”

Coach began writing on a notepad and said, “My wife’s brother is a physician. This is his name and the location of his office. I’ll let him know you’ll be coming to see him. He’ll take care of you at no charge.”

No one had cut me a break in my life except for my boss, Earl. I stared at the writing on the slip of paper. “Why would he do that for me?”

“I want you. The sooner I get you practicing, the sooner I can see exactly what I can do with you.”

No one had wanted me my entire life and what I felt inside was foreign. “Thanks, Coach.”

I was glad I wouldn’t have to worry about how I was going to pay for the doctor visit, but I didn’t like feeling like a charity case. I hoped the other guys wouldn’t find out Coach arranged a free physical for me. They’d never finish ragging me about it.

When I walked out of the field house, a lot of the guys were hanging out in the parking lot and more than a dozen girls had joined them. They were all wearing short athletic shorts and T-shirts that read EFHS, so I decided they must be the cheerleading squad arriving for practice.

My new arch rival was holding hands with the hottest one in the group. She was a petite little thing with a tiny waist and a tight shirt to show off her perky breasts. Her long hair was pulled into the classic cheerleader ponytail and I couldn’t decide if it was brown or red, so I settled on calling it auburn.

I walked to my truck, totally expecting a cheap shot, and Henderson didn’t surprise me when he yelled across the parking lot, “Hey, superstar. Are you still waiting for the NFL to send your first paycheck so you can buy a ride that didn’t come from the junkyard?”

As he laughed caustically, his apparent girlfriend jerked her hand from his and I heard a loud pop as she slapped him across the chest. I was disappointed it wasn’t his face, but she had no reason to defend me and I was surprised she didn’t join him in humiliating me.

I opened the squeaky door to my truck and said, “Wow, Henderson. That was creative for someone that just got bumped to second string.”

I got in my truck and shut the door before he had the opportunity to retaliate and belittle me further in front of the cheerleaders. I hesitated in starting the engine. I prayed it wouldn’t stall out on me as it sometimes did. Luck was with me today and I was incredibly thankful when it started on the first try. I left the field knowing this thing between me and Forbes Henderson was only just beginning.

2 Thumbing a Ride

Claire

“Claire! Please, hurry up. Payton is here and you don’t want to be late on your first day of school,” I heard my mom yell from downstairs.

“Great,” I muttered to myself as I grabbed my short, ivory floral dress and quickly slung it over my head. I had the intention of braiding the front of my hair today, but I didn’t have time, so I twisted the front section and pulled it to the side, pinning it securely with a pair of brown bobby pins in an X.

I looked at the clock. “Ugh!” I groaned. Payton was going to kill me. Tardiness was the story of my life. It was never my intention to be late, but I must have been genetically engineered that way because as hard as I tried, I couldn’t not be late.

“Payton, give me another minute and I’ll be right down,” I yelled from my room as I sprayed myself with a soft peach and jasmine scented body spray, then rubbed my legs and arms with the same scented body lotion.

As usual, she was on time and it put me on edge knowing I might make us late on our first day of school because I knew I would catch hell from her.

I hated thumbing a ride, even if it was with my best friend and I cursed the ignoramus that backed into my car at the mall and left a huge dent in the bumper. Hopefully, I would have my own ride back from the shop before the back to school bonfire out at Harrison’s Cleveland’s on Friday night since we planned on using my sound system for the music.

I quickly put on my new boots, took a look in the mirror and thought I was missing something. I looked too plain, so I looked in my closet where I stored my accessories. I draped my apricot scarf around my neck because it looked like it was made to go with my dress and the color looked fabulous with the red in my hair. Once I was satisfied with the way I looked, I grabbed my backpack and ran down the stairs.

My mom was dressed for work and standing at the bottom of the staircase to either greet me or scold me. I decided it was scold when I saw she was clearly agitated. She watched me scurry down the staircase while standing with her hands on her hips and I knew she was thinking she didn’t raise her daughter to always be late.

“Claire, I have group late tonight and your dad is on call, so you’ll have to fend for yourself on dinner, but I should be in around nine or so,” she said as she walked to the kitchen, then returned with my travel mug of coffee.

I took it from her hand and said, “No problem, mom, and thanks for the coffee.” I held it up to my nose, breathed in the aroma, and played our little guessing game of identifying the flavor. “Chocolate Raspberry?”

“You got it, baby girl.” Even at seventeen years-old, I still loved to hear my mom called me that.

“You’re awesome, mom,” I said as I hugged her. After she told us to have a great first day at school, Payton and I left my house and headed toward school. She drove faster than she should because I caused us to run a little late and I promised myself I would do better the rest of the week since she would be driving me.

My phone went off and we both recognized the tone as Forbes’. I grabbed my purse, dug for my phone and waited to see what Payton would have to say because it was always something interesting. She reached to turn the music down, then said, “Let me guess. The guy that thinks only with the head not located on his shoulders wants you to come and blow his mind before homeroom.”

“Leave it to you to say something like that.” I read the text from him asking where I was and told Payton, “He’s looking for me because he’s afraid I might talk to another guy. He puts on such a front, but I think he’s scared I’m going to dump him since he isn’t starting quarterback anymore. But, don’t you dare say a word about it.”

“Claire, his insecurities are highly unattractive. How shallow does he think you are? I mean, is he really thinking you’re going to dump him for the new guy from Collinsville just because he’s the new starting quarterback?”

“I don’t know exactly what he’s thinking, but cut him some slack, Payton. He’s not use to losing,” I defended.

She laughed and said, “Yeah, I get that, but failing to see you’re not it anymore is also unattractive. He’s still stuck in the mentality that he’s the superstar at East Franklin and he lost that spot when he got bumped by the new guy.”

None of that was news to me. Forbes despised the air the guy breathed and I knew firsthand how poorly the new guy’s position was going over with him because I heard about it incessantly.

“So, what is New Hot Guy’s name anyway?” Payton asked.

“I don’t know because I only hear him referred to as some type of profanity, but please don’t refer to him as New Hot Guy in front of Forbes. I so don’t want to hear him go off on you.”

“Screw Forbes Henderson. I’ll tell him myself that the new guy is a sexy mother scratcher and I dare him to say anything about it,” she threatened.

Yeah, I knew she was right, but Forbes was humiliated about losing his spot to a guy from Collinsville and today he had to face everyone at school. He was so certain the student body was laughing behind his back, but in reality, they wouldn’t care who was quarterback as long as our football team was winning. I wouldn’t really care either if I wasn’t dating the former starting quarterback,

The whole pity party attitude was a complete turn off, but I didn’t mention it because I was the perfect girlfriend, but I had cut as much slack as I planned to. If he kept it up, I would be forced to say something about it because he was using it as a reason to try to get in my pants and I was getting sick of it.

“How about you try to not jack around with Forbes today?” I pleaded.

“What would be the fun in that?” she said in a daring tone.

“Please don’t, Payton.”

“Ugh!” she groaned. “Okay, I won’t jack with him, but please know it goes against my better judgement to not take advantage of him because I might not get another opportunity anytime soon,” she said.

My best friend and my boyfriend hated each other and it stressed me to no end. “Yes, I am totally aware of how painful this must be for you. Maybe you should hook up with the new guy and then the two of you could both kick Forbes together while he’s down.”

“That almost sounds like a great plan since he’s hot as hell, but you know he’s totally not my type,” she said, like I should know better.

“You don’t even know him, so how do you know his type?”

“Umm…the poor type and besides that, I would never date a guy from Collinsville. You know that much about me.”

Was she serious? “He’s not from Collinsville anymore,” I argued.

She looked over at me with a raised eyebrow. “Well, he was at one point and that tells me all I need to know him. He’s not my kind of boyfriend material.”

“Wow, you really are a stuck up bitch, Payton.”

“Uh…no. It means my parents would have a total come apart if I brought a boy like that home with me. That big ass tattoo covers his whole upper arm and that would not fly with the parents because nothing less than a long sleeve is going to hide that.”

“So what? A tattoo doesn’t make him a bad person.”

“It speaks of his character, Claire. Seriously, what kind of high school kid has tattoos like that? He looks like he’s been in prison-maybe a prison for hot convicts-but you know I don’t do the tattooed bad boy thing.”

I couldn’t dare tell Payton I thought his tattoo sleeve was the sexiest thing I’d ever seen because she would think I was out of my mind. No one, including her, would fathom that the perfect Claire Elizabeth Deveraux could possibly find all that badness alluring. The problem was that I wasn’t the perfect Claire everyone thought I was. Payton knew my imperfections far better than anyone, but even she didn’t realize how badly I wanted to bust out of the protective cocoon placed around me.

3 The Untouchables

Jessie

Aside from Dane Wickham, I made no friends by walking onto the East Franklin football team as it’s new starting quarterback. Practice had been tense at best, but I wasn’t there to make friends and I preferred knowing where I stood rather than getting blindsided the way I had my whole life.

Today was my first day at East Franklin. I woke up two hours before my alarm was set to go off and began staring at my ceiling with a severe case of dread. On one hand, I would rather have my ass whipped than transfer to EFHS with that bunch of rich, snobby kids. On the other, it could quite possibly be my only chance at avoiding the hopeless path destined for my severely underprivileged life.

The droopy ceiling panels over my bed were another reminder of how different I was from the rich kids attending EFHS. I could guarantee that none of them were laying in bed looking at a ceiling threatening to cave at any minute, so it was very easy to refrain from misleading myself into believing I would fit in with any of them.

I forced myself out of bed and went to the kitchen to eat some breakfast while my grandmother, Rita, drank a cup of strong black coffee and smoked an equally strong cigarette at the dinky dining room table in her trailer’s tiny kitchen. I didn’t bother to offer Rita anything to eat because I recognized the look on her face-she was hungover. She and her buddies had partied here last night. I didn’t bother to look at the clock, but it was well into the morning when I heard the slam of car doors as they left to drive home wasted.

As I sat eating my breakfast, I noticed several plastic bags filled with marijuana on the table, so I knew what was coming. I ate in silence and avoided looking at the dope on the table as I waited for Rita to give me orders. As I ate, she alternated between slurping her steaming hot coffee and sucking on her filterless Camel cigarettes with her permanently puckered mouth.

We had an understanding, she and I. Speak only when necessary and our policy suited both of us just fine, but this morning she found it necessary to speak to me. She pointed toward the dope using her hand with the cigarette. “I want you to sell these today. Charge extra because those rich kids can afford to pay a little more.”

Dysfunctional didn’t begin to describe my family dynamics. Other kids’ grandmothers did grandmotherly things for them, whatever that might be, but mine used me as her own personal infiltration into selling dope in school just like my mother had me do before she died.

I didn’t want to do it, but it was our agreement because I didn’t have anywhere else to go. I’d sell her dope and she’d give me somewhere to live. I was a little surprised she wanted me to sell on my first day at a new school-not a smart move. “Don’t you think I should at least feel out the situation out first. I mean, find out who’s in the market. What if I asked a narc if he wanted some pot? I’d be up shit creek for sure because I’m eighteen now.”

“I don’t care where you sell it, just get me some money today if you want to keep staying here,” she threatened.

When I finished eating, I washed my dishes and put them away because we didn’t have the luxury of a dishwasher like everyone else. I didn’t mind though. It wouldn’t have felt right to have anything in my life that made it a little easier, anyway.

I put Rita’s dope in my backpack, then went to the bathroom to get a shower. It was incredible how Rita’s Camels made everything reek. The stench from her strong cigarettes was repulsive to me and I had been a smoker since I was 12. I tried to scrub it from my hair and skin because I didn’t want to go to school smelling like Camel’s ass, but I knew it was useless because I would still have the stench on my clothes.

I put on a fitted black tee and a new pair of stonewashed jeans because it was the best I had and all I could afford with the little bit of money left from my last paycheck after I paid for the work on my truck. Good thing worn out jeans were in style since that was all I had to wear the rest of the week.

I grabbed my dope filled backpack, the same one I had used for the past two years, and Rita offered no words of encouragement as I walked out the door to join a category of hell known all to itself as high school.

I was self sufficient, but not because I was bestowed with the motivation of being an overachiever. I called it being genetically motivated, which meant I didn’t have a single family member that gave a damn enough to do anything for me. Earl, my boss at the garage, was the only person in my life that had ever helped me with anything and he felt more like family to me than the woman I was genetically tied to.

As I got closer to East Franklin High School, I dreaded the stares I’d get when the rich kids saw my old truck parked next to their expensive beamers and benzes. They’d probably see my ride and move their vehicles out of fear their luxury cars might catch something from my old jalopy.

I didn’t really couldn’t care less about what people thought of me, but it pissed me off when they thought they were better than me, so I expected problems at this school. It was over populated with doctors’ and lawyers’ kids after the school board redistricted to send the trailer park kids on the South side to Collinsville and replace them with kids from the neighborhoods on the North side of Franklin. I’m not even sure that’s legal, but it’s what they did five years ago when the new school was built.

It was by accident alone that I would be attending East Franklin since I was forced to move in with Rita during the summer, and although I’m certain they wouldn’t have a problem with releasing me, Collinsville High School refused to take me back without tuition because we lived just within East Franklin’s school district.

We didn’t have the money for tuition and Rita wouldn’t part with it for me if she had a million dollars. She made it very clear I was unwelcome and the only reason she allowed me to stay was because I agreed to move her merchandise for her. When I graduated, I would promptly be shown the door. The feeling was mutual, so she didn’t have to worry about it hitting me on the way out. She treated me just like my mom, Twyla, had my entire life and I wasn’t plagued with wondering where my mom learned her amazing parenting skills.

I shoved the thoughts of my mother out of my mind and pulled into the parking lot of my new school. I parked on the second row and turned off my truck’s deafening motor in need of a new muffler. Come payday, I’d have to come off the wallet if Earl couldn’t find a decent used one at the junkyard.

I didn’t want to admit it because I saw it as weakness, but my nerves were rattled, so I lit a cigarette before I was forced to enter the gates of my new personal hell. While I sat in the refuge of my truck smoking a much needed stress reliever, I watched the returning students around me as they met up in the parking lot. As expected, they got out of anything from tiny two-seater sports cars to gigantic sport utilities I couldn’t afford to fill with gas.

My truck’s clock was busted, so I looked at my watch and saw I had ten minutes until my official day of torment started. I wondered if I had time to squeeze in one more cigarette after I finished the one in my hand and as I took a long drag, I watched a fancy white Lexus pull into the parking spot behind me.

I watched my rearview mirror to see what a high schooler driving a Lexus might look like and I wasn’t shocked when I saw it was a couple of cheerleaders I’d seen during football practice-one of them being Forbes Henderson’s girlfriend.

The friend looked more like a Barbie than the Mattel doll herself. She had long blond hair and a pair of killer legs in a short denim skirt exaggerated by a pair of tall wedge heels. As I wondered how she would get away with a skirt that short on school grounds, she straightened it and gained a little length, but not enough to pass inspection where I came from. I was use to strict rules-it’s how they kept the barbarians in check.

Henderson’s girlfriend had on a short, ivory floral dress with a long, peach-colored scarf around her neck and a pair of weathered brown boots I assumed were made by some designer I had never heard of. Damn. A chick in a dress with boots was hot so it was too bad this one was taken, but because she was his girlfriend, it let me know a little about who she was as a person. She was with the enemy and therefore against me by association.

With the enemy or not, these girls weren’t like the ones I was used to at my old school. Chicks like these were untouchable for someone like me and I could picture the Barbie incarnate giving me the two finger salute over her forehead in the shape of an L to remind me of my loser status.

When I saw Henderson’s girl in my rearview mirror walking toward my driver’s door, I tossed my cigarette butt out the window and felt an overwhelming need to jack with her. Okay. Maybe I just wanted to talk to her and see her up close to convince myself she wasn’t all that. With perfect timing, I swung my door open to prevent her from passing. This was going to be fun.

4 Princess

Claire

We pulled into the parking lot of the school and Payton parked behind the sexy badass’ junked out truck. He was still sitting in his old clunker and I thought I saw a cigarette in his hand, then he confirmed my suspicion when I saw him raise it to his lips for a drag and the tip glowed fiery orange. Gross.

“Why did you have to park behind him?” I huffed as I felt heat rise to my neck and face.

“What’s your deal with him, Claire?” she asked, then looked at me and said, “You’re face is beet red. What is wrong with you? Are you blushing?”

Getting out of the car at the same time meant walking into school next to him and that wouldn’t make Forbes happy. Payton didn’t understand the ruckus this would cause because she didn’t have a boyfriend and it didn’t help matters that she couldn’t stand Forbes. She thought I was weak and trying to please him, but the truth was that I just didn’t feel like hearing Forbes whine anymore.

“I want to avoid the need to explain to Forbes why I’m walking into school with the guy he hates. It will just start an unnecessary argument I don’t want to have first thing this morning.”

“With the risk of repeating myself, screw Forbes. I’m not parking in the back of the parking lot and walking an extra mile to spare his insecure feelings and if you have to explain that, then you should dump his ass.”

I knew she was right. I was a poodle jumping through hoops to keep the peace and it was ridiculous in addition to exhausting.

“I’m not arguing how ridiculous it is, but can we at least get ahead of him so I don’t have to explain why we’re walking in together?” I pleaded.

She huffed and said, “This is friggin’ ridiculous, you know that, right? Your life might revolve around what Forbes Henderson wants, but mine doesn’t.”

When Payton didn’t move fast enough to suit me, I scrambled out of her car, leaving her behind. I watched a cigarette butt fly out of the new guy’s driver’s side window, then his door swung open in front of me, preventing my escape. He stepped out of his truck, looked down at me and grinned as he said, “Pardon me, Princess. I didn’t mean to block your way.”

His voice was velvety smooth, but I didn’t mistake it’s coolness as his tone conveyed his contempt for me. His unmistakable disdain for me immediately raised my hellcat flag because he had nothing to base his aversion on since he didn’t know me.

This was our first time face to face and up close. The other times I saw him was when I stole a few glances during cheerleading practice over the last two weeks when I was certain Forbes wasn’t watching me.

I realized he was so much more handsome than I originally thought now that his face mask wasn’t obstructing my view. His hair was as black as I expected, and spikey, and his pale blue eyes were piercing. The contrast of their paleness against his dark hair was almost shocking and I had to force myself to avoid becoming lost in them.

I was angry with him for making assumptions about me, but I was more furious with myself for finding him so captivating. I tasted my bitter reaction as it formed on my tongue, but couldn’t stop myself from blurting out, “Asshole.”

He placed his hand over the left side of his chest where his heart would be and said, “I felt that straight to my heart.”

I watched him shut his door while he waited for my counterattack and I pushed past him as I said, “Screw you and my name is not Princess. It’s Claire, so if you’re going to insult me, at least have the decency to get my name right.”

“Hmm, I think I’ll stick with Princess. It seems to suit you better,” he said to my back as I walked away.

I couldn’t be certain flames weren’t coming off the heels of my boots as I practically ran away, but Payton managed to catch up with me and said, “I’m totally disgusted by you, Claire.”

“And why would that be?” I almost yelled.

“That was one of the best displays of underthinking I’ve ever seen. He bested you and I know I taught you better than that. You basically rolled over. How can I call you my best friend when you caved so easily? And by the way, you’ve got something on your ass.”

I spun around to look at the back of my dress as I pulled the skirt part around to look and said, “What is it?”

“Hot New Guy’s eyes.” She died out laughing and said, “Sorry, Claire, but you walked right into that one.”

I narrowed my eyes and pursed my lips as I said, “Maybe you’re the bigger asshole of the two of you. You should definitely be a couple.”

“That lacked creativity and it’s insulting to me as your slander master. We have to work on your comebacks because you are seriously letting me down,” she said, then added, “I wish you could see your face right now. Whatever he just did to you has you clueless. You can’t decide if you should be pissed off at him or hot for him.”

I turned to look at this crazy person I called a bestie standing next to me. “I’m jealous of whatever you are smoking because it has you completely reality challenged.”

“He got it all wrong when he called you Princess. He should have called you Queen of Denial because you’ll never admit what’s going on here,” she accused.

It was just like Payton to draw a conclusion with no real evidence to support her theory. “I have no idea what kind of nonsense you’re talking about.”

“I hope he got plenty of rest last night because his legs are gonna be real tired after he runs through your mind all day,” she laughed, making me livid.

I noticed myself stomping as I walked toward the school entrance. “You must have taken your sleeping pill this morning instead of last night because you are definitely dreaming.”

“When you look back on this moment months from now, don’t forget the one word I’m about to say to you, Claire Deveraux. Foreplay.”

5 East Franklin’s Sweetheart

Jessie

I watched Claire walk away, along with the angry sway of her hips in her short floral dress, and I laughed at how well fury suited her. I reluctantly admitted to myself that my hope about her was all wrong. She was all that, plus a whole lot of spunk I didn’t expect.

After looking at her closely, I noticed her hair was more red than brown and it was longer than it looked when it was pulled up into a ponytail at cheerleading practice. I originally thought her eyes were brown, and they were in the center, but the outer edge was green and unlike any I’d seen before. For a second I almost thought they might glow like the Incredible Hulk because she was so angry with me.

She became mad as hell when I called her Princess, so that must mean she has a strong aversion to it. Luckily for me, that meant I had just found the button I’d be pushing every chance I got.

I looked down to see if I had time for another stogy before class. Nope, only six minutes left until I had to be in homeroom. I could have been getting my nicotine fix instead of jacking with the Princess, but it was so worth missing a few drags to yank her chain. Maybe she would run and tell her boyfriend about our verbal showdown so he would start a fight and I’d have an excuse to stomp him in the ground.

Screw it. I lit up so I could get a few drags on the way to class. I’d lie and say I didn’t know East Franklin had a no smoking policy if I got caught by a teacher.

I gave my smoke a flick when I got closer to the school entrance and wondered if I would have any classes with the Princess. I popped a breath mint and saw a dude looking lost while he studied a copy of his class schedule, so I guess I wasn’t the only new student at East Franklin.

I walked toward homeroom thinking about how I was glad I came earlier in the week to set up my schedule with the counselor and locate my classes, even if it was a pain. If nothing else, I avoided looking dumb like this guy as he stumbled around looking for his classes.

I entered Mrs. Garrett’s homeroom and made my way toward the back row where trouble makers and those wanting to be invisible chose to sit. I slumped down in my desk, pretending no one would see me if I continued to slide lower. I scanned the room for the Princess and I cursed when I didn’t see her because she was the only thing that could have been of interest in this room.

While I was busy staring off into space and thinking about the Princess, I heard someone sit in the desk next to me and say, “Hey, Jessie.”

I looked up at the sound of my name and saw Dane Wickham, my only friend at my new school. He had unexpectedly turned out to be pretty cool, even if he was one of the rich kids, and we’d hung out together at his house after practice a couple of times.

I gave him a curt nod and asked, “What’s up?”

He shook his head and said, “Nothing that amounts to anything.”

I sat up in my seat and said, “I hear ya.”

I decided Dane could be my only access to the inside information on Claire, so I asked, “Hey, do you know Claire?”

He wrinkled his forehead and asked, “Claire Deveraux?”

I gave him a shrug. “Maybe. I don’t know her last name.”

“Long brown hair?” he asked, then held his hands up to his chest with cupped hands and added, “with a gorgeous pair of breasts?”

I wanted to correct his assessment of her hair color because it was all wrong, but he had her breasts right on. “Yeah, what’s her deal?”

“She’s Henderson’s girl,” he said in such a matter of fact manner.

“I know that much,” I said, a little irritated by hearing the proof of her association with my nemesis.

“You’ve heard of America’s Sweetheart? Well, she’s East Franklin’s sweetheart. Everyone loves her and things always tend to go her way if you know what I mean. I don’t have to tell you how hot she is and she’s smarter than anyone else in our class. She’ll be our valedictorian for sure. Her parents are well off, so she gets everything she wants and she’s dated Forbes since the middle of our sophomore year. Their parents are big buddies, so they’re always going on all these family vacations together.”

I bet that lucky bastard was definitely getting in her pants every chance he got and that was probably fine with the parents as long as she was staying within her own social class.

“I saw you talking to her in the parking lot this morning. You trying to put the moves on her?”

There were quite a few moves I’d like to put on her, but I said, “Nah, just thought I’d mess with Henderson by talking to her. I figured she’d run and tell him.”

“You shouldn’t push Forbes because he pushes back and he doesn’t always play by the rules. He’s a loose canon,” he warned, then added, “Claire thinks she knows him, but she hasn’t seen the side of him I’ve seen. Trust me, he’s an underhanded dog.”

The thought of Forbes being a threat made me want to laugh. “Dude, I’ve seen loose canons and Forbes Henderson is nothing more than a sparkler from a roadside fireworks stand to me.”

“There’s something I need to tell you about him and his pals. I overheard them talking about taking you out so you can’t play anymore. I don’t know the details, but it’s going down sometime before the first game. I think you should tell Coach.”

I appreciated the heads up, but I took care of myself and didn’t need anyone doing it for me. “No way, dude. I rather get my ass kicked than be a snitch.”

“It’s your funeral.”

“Not a word to Coach. I can handle whatever they can dish,” I warned. “But thanks for telling me. I know you didn’t have to do that. If you hear something else, will you let me know about it?”

“Sure, no problem.”

I considered the different scenarios of what taking me out meant. Most likely they would try to catch me somewhere outside of school and jump me or something like that. There was only one little flaw with their plan. Those little rich punks didn’t realize they were screwing with the wrong person.

When homeroom was over, I walked down the hall to my first period class. I passed East Franklin’s happy couple and Claire’s eyes briefly caught mine as she was being spun around by the guy trying to take away my chance at a football scholarship and ultimately the loss of any future worth having.

I turned my eyes away from her and the prick I hated, then went to my first period Calculus class. While I waited for class to begin, Claire’s riding companion walked into class and took a look around before spying me. She took the seat in front of me, then spun around in her desk and extended her hand. “We’ve not officially met. I’m Payton Archer and you are?”

Her hotness level was flaming, but she didn’t impress me nearly as much as Claire. I took her hand and said, “Jessie Boone.”

She wasted no time cutting straight to the chase and asked, “So, Jessie Boone, what kind of move was that you tried to put on Claire in the parking lot?

I laughed and said, “That was not a move and if she thinks it was, then Henderson is seriously lacking in the skills department.”

“I won’t disagree about Forbes and his skills, but I’m calling bullshit. I know the game like your crotch knows the palm of your hand and I definitely saw a move, so I’m giving you the luxury of a warning. Do not mess with Claire because of what’s going on between you and Forbes. Do we have an understandment?”

I leaned forward and whispered, “Do you suffer from restless lip syndrome because they make medication for that?” My insult strangely brought a smile to her face.

Our calculus teacher, Miss Dulaney, started class and Payton whispered, “You might score some touchdowns on the football field, but you can forget about getting into Claire’s end zone.”

6 The Tardy Nazi

Claire

I sat in Mrs. Jenson’s homeroom watching her peer over her ancient reading glasses while she called attendance. What happened? I thought senior year was supposed to rock. It’s supposed to be one of the most fabulous times of my life, but as I looked around this classroom at my fellow classmates, I realized that this is not the awesome I was promised and I want a refund.

I stupidly placed myself on Mrs. Jenson’s tardy radar when I breezed into homeroom by the skin of my teeth as the bell rang. I attempted to sneak into a seat without calling attention to myself, but only managed to successfully gain the unwanted scrutiny of my new homeroom teacher when I stumbled over Griffin Jackson’s backpack in the aisle, causing the heel of one of my new boots to skid across the freshly waxed linoleum tile. Griffin quickly reached for my arm, touching my breast in the process, and saved me from sprawling out on my back in front of the entire class.

He softly whispered, “Sorry, Claire,” and I wasn’t certain if he meant for touching my boob or leaving his backpack in the aisle, but it was my fault I stumbled because I was thinking about pale blue eyes and black, spikey hair.

“It’s okay, Griffin.”

Old lady Jenson made a spectacle of looking down her nose at me as I crossed the classroom to sit in the desk next to my friend and fellow cheerleader, Allie Bumphis. I pretended I didn’t notice Jenson’s eyes following me, but I perceived her stare for what it was; a nonverbal warning daring me to be late.

Allie leaned toward me slightly and whispered, “I saw you talking to the new quarterback in the parking lot. Do you know him?”

“Nope,” I said, popping the p, then added, “Sure don’t.”

Mrs. Jenson cleared her throat and asked, “Ladies…do you have something you’d like to discuss with the class?”

Is she serious? We’re seniors, not kindergarteners. Who doesn’t let their students talk in homeroom on the first day of school? That’s unheard of.

“No, ma’am. I don’t have a thing I’d like to share.”

Man, I was a glad I didn’t have her for a class other than homeroom because that would suck. I put my elbow on my desk and propped my face in my palm. I glanced to my right and saw Trevor McMillin. He smiled at me like he was thrilled I noticed he was alive and I saw a big, white pimple on his forehead, so I took my hand away from my face when his zit reminded why I shouldn’t put my hands on my face. The last thing I needed was a big zit on my face.

After hearing the announcements and serving my sentence in homeroom with Jenson, the bell rang and I raced down the hall toward my locker where I knew I would find Payton. At our neighboring lockers, I found her glossing her lips with Perfect Peach, her signature color, while she looked into the small magnetic mirror mounted inside her locker.

She ran her index finger along her bottom lip to perfect the line she had drawn with the wand, then reached into her long, blond hair and gave it a quick fluff. She smiled as though she liked what she saw and she should because she was beautiful.

She turned to me as I reached for my locker handle. “Have you forgiven me, Claire Bear?”

I had a poor running record for staying mad at Payton and she knew I wouldn’t still be mad. “No. I could never stay mad at you.”

“Good, because I have to tell you about my crappy luck. I had to sit next to The Ladies’ Man in homeroom. Ugh!”

Marcus Lee had earned the title of The Ladies’ Man from Leon Phelps, the horny talk show host on classic Saturday Night Live. He was such a tool he actually thought the nickname was a compliment.

She snarled her nose and shook with a rigor as she recalled her close encounter with Marcus. “He is such a creep. He gave me that up and down look with those weird grunting and moaning sounds he makes. I feel like I need a morning after pill and a dose of strong antibiotics.”

The boy knew how to violate a girl with his eyes alone and I was glad I wouldn’t have to face him first thing every morning. I was painfully tormented with his daily bump and grind routine during my sophomore year, so I had my turn with him two years ago.

It was too bad Payton faced being visually and verbally molested by Marcus every morning. “Sorry, been there and done that and it’s not pretty, but I wish you the best of luck with that horn dog. I got stuck with the tardy nazi for homeroom. She’ll send me to detention when I exceed my tardy limit and I’ll end up being stuck with him, too.”

Suddenly, I was grabbed from behind and as I was spun around, I briefly made eye contact with the sexy badass’ beautiful pale blues before he made a face of disgust and entered Miss Dulaney’s Calculus class. Good. That meant I didn’t have first period with him.

After my feet returned to the floor, I felt a kiss being planted on the back of my neck and I whirled around to face my assailant. I frogged Forbes on the arm with my fist as I said, “You better cut that out before Mr. Grisham sees us. You know he doesn’t tolerate any form of PDA.”

He was unharmed by my weak attempt to loosen his hold on me. “Claire, you worry too much. He’s not gonna say anything because we’re seniors now.”

Forbes’ best friend, Cooper, was standing next to us and spoke up to agree with me. “She’s right, Forbes. He’s a real hard ass on that PDA stuff. He busted me and Caitlyn Johnson when we were dating for holding hands in the hall.”

Forbes didn’t loosen his hold as he said, “Jeez, do I look like I care what he says?” He pulled me tighter and pushed my hair to the side to plant another kiss on my neck and I felt a surge of chill bumps run down my body.

“Come on, Forbes, I don’t want to get in trouble on the first day of school,” I pleaded as I looked around the hall nervously for Mr. Grisham. The last thing I needed was my parents getting a call from the school for inappropriate physical contact at school. My mom was already convinced that Forbes and I were going at it every given opportunity we had and if things went his way, my mom wouldn’t far off the mark.

He had definitely started pressing me harder to go all the way with him since this whole quarterback thing started and he was quite clear about his growing impatience, but I wasn’t ready and I refused to give it up just because we had dated for a year and a half.

The first bell rang and I was relieved when I was finally released without being discovered by Grisham. “What do you have second period, babe?”

“I have Mrs. Tanner for my AP Humanities class in the building where the freshmen classes are.”

Forbes shook his head as he complained, “That’s just ridiculous. It’s an AP class stuck in the middle of the lower classmen building. Does it even make sense to put smarter, older students in with little punks that just left junior high school?”

“It’s not a big deal because it’s the first room on the right as I walk in and it’s my favorite class. I’m excited about being in Mrs. Tanner’s class again. She lets us do some really cool stuff.”

He frowned and said, “Well, I don’t like it because it causes me to miss seeing you between first and second period.”

“You’re such a baby. I promise, you’ll get over not seeing me.” I looked at my watch and said, “I gotta go learn some Spanish. Adios.”

I entered Mrs. Santiago’s Spanish II class and sat in front of Cooper.

“Hey, Claire, I didn’t know we had Spanish together. You gonna let me cheat off you or what?” Coop laughed.

“Spanish probably isn’t the class you want to choose to try cheating off of me because it’s my worst subject,” I warned.

“Your worst grade beats my best on any given day. You know you’ll get an easy A in this class. I mean, you’re gonna be valedictorian. We all know you are, so don’t pretend like you aren’t going to ace this class.”

He made it sound like an A would handed to me and I wouldn’t have to work for it. “I have to work for my grades, too, and I’m not the only good student at East Franklin, Coop,” I argued.

I hated assumptions about who I was and even the friends that knew me best didn’t know the real me. Everyone saw the perfect, untouchable Claire Deveraux because it’s what they wanted to see. They all thought my perfect grades and envied lifestyle came so easily for me, but it didn’t and no one gave me credit for the hard work I invested in earning those things on my own. Living up to the expectations of my parents and classmates was exhausting and some days I thought I would prefer to be faceless or invisible.

When class began, Mrs. Santiago introduced herself in Spanish, then made us go around the room and introduce ourselves using our Spanish name. Some of the students got weird Latino names, but Claire is still Claire in Spanish so I lucked out.

Cooper leaned over and said, “Don’t you think there’s something a little unfair about a Mexican dude being allowed to take a Spanish class?” He gestured toward the wall and I saw a Latino guy sitting on the row closest to the wall. “Maybe I’ll cheat off him instead of you,” he laughed.

I rolled my eyes at Coop and shook my head. “You’re muy unbien, Cooper.”

“I’m gonna have to check with the teacher on that one, but I don’t think unbien is a Spanish word so I’m definitely cheating off him instead of you.”

When the long hour was over Cooper complained, “Damn. That was not interesting. I think I might have just had my first boregasm.”

I gathered my books and said, “I might be offended if I didn’t know you, but that was so classic for you to say something like that.”

We walked out the door and Cooper saw Payton standing outside the door waiting for me and said, “Catch you guys later. I’ve got some leg to chase on the other end of the hall.”

I knew Coop had a crush on Payton, but I had never mentioned it to either of them.

“See you later, masturbator,” Payton said to him as he walked away.

“It’s really too bad he’ll never get out of your friend zone because the two of you would be so perfect for each other,” I hinted.

“Tell me that was a thought typo. I could never date him after the lame come on line he used when we met.”

There was no way I could forget, but I loved to hear Payton’s rendition of what Cooper said the first time they met. “I don’t think I can recall it at the moment. Remind me.”

In her best Cooper impersonation, she said, “Hey, gorgeous, is that a mirror in your back pocket cause I can see myself in your pants?”

I starting laughing and she said, “You know you remembered. You just wanted to hear me do my impression.”

“I promise you it gets better every time you do it.”

“Well, do you want me to do my impression of what Jessie Boone said when I confronted him about what happened in the parking lot this morning?” she asked.

“Jessie Boone?” I asked, confused about who she meant, then it registered with me. “No, you didn’t. Please, tell me you’re lying so I don’t have to kill you because I really like you not dead.”

“Oh, I did because I wanted to see his reaction and it was just as I suspected. Hope you believe in the hereafter because that boy is about to be here after you.

7 Just Because You Know My Name Doesn’t Mean You Know Me

Jessie

Wow. That was my second warning of the day to not mess with Claire and it was only second period. These people definitely didn’t know me because to warn me was to dare me.

I grabbed a seat in Humanities and felt regretful for agreeing to take it without finding out what it was all about first. I looked around the classroom and took in all the weird paraphernalia on the walls as I sat there with six others; five chicks and one dude, The person that would make the eighth person in this class must have wised up and dropped out. Not a good sign.

I looked to the only other guy in the class and asked, “Hey, dude, what kind of class is this?”

“It’s AP Humanities with Mrs. Tanner,” he replied dryly.

“I know which class it is, I mean what is Humanities? Are we gonna be doing weird stuff in here or what?”

By the look on the dude’s face, I realized too late that he and I were not kindred spirits just because we were the only males in the room. “Humanities doesn’t refer to one particular subject. It is the study of many things such as English, but including literature, grammar, writing and composition. It’s also includes history, art, culture and philosophy and the relationships between them all and how they contribute to our lives and society. Think of it as the total opposite of math and science.”

What have I gotten myself into? “That means this is one of those weird classes, right?” He shook his head and looked irritated by my lack of enthusiasm before he turned away from me.

As I sat there contemplating how to tell the counselor I would be dropping this class, I looked up and saw Claire the Princess come through the door as the bell rang. She broke into a huge smile when she saw the teacher and walked over to give her a hug.

Apparently, they weren’t strangers since it looked like they were catching up like old friends. When the Claire and Mrs. Tanner reunion show concluded, Claire took the seat in front of me, failing to recognize I was the person sitting behind her.

Mrs. Tanner casually walked around to the front of her desk and plopped up on it as she said, “I believe everyone is acquainted with the exception of our new transfer student, Jessie Boone.”

I watched Claire’s back stiffen as she sat more upright in her desk and seeing her reaction to my name made me happy because it meant she knew who I was and I had successfully gotten under her skin this morning. Mission accomplished.

“Since we’re a small class, I want everyone to introduce themselves to Jessie, but first we’re rearranging these desks because those I’ve taught before know forward facing doesn’t work for me. It’s crucial that you see each other during discussion time, so let’s start with a circle and if you don’t like that, we’ll try facing pairs since we will be dividing into groups of two the majority of the time.”

We stood to began scooting our desks and I saw Claire steal a glance in my direction while we were forming the circle, so I gave her a big smile to let her know it didn’t go unnoticed. I liked this circle thing because it meant she had no where to hide.

After everyone introduced themselves, Mrs. Tanner sat in the desk on the other side of Claire to address us. “Humanities isn’t like other classes you’ve taken and you can expand your vision and imagination by learning to recognize creativity when you see it. This means being able to recognize it in ourselves as well as in others because freeing our inner potential for creativity, self-criticism and self-condemnation is important.”

And there it is, ladies and gentlemen. The weirdness has begun.

She continued, “All too often we reject our own creative impulses and actions, but today I have an exercise for you using key ingredients to contribute to creative thinking. I have six listed on the board. I want you to choose a partner, then the two of you will choose one element to creatively get to know one another better.”

I looked around as the others were splitting off into pairs and was pleased when I saw I would be paired with Claire without even trying.

I felt like rattling her cage a little. “Princess, should I consider it a bad sign that no one wants to be your partner?”

“I’ve already told you my name is Claire and who says they don’t want to be my partner? Maybe they don’t want to be yours. Ever thought of that?” she countered.

“Nope,” I curtly replied.

She huffed and looked at the board as she said, “Which element do you want? Recognizing Patterns?”

“No and I don’t want Making Connections or Taking Advantage of Chance.”

“Good because I’m not making a connection with you or letting you take advantage of anything. What about Taking Risks?”

Maybe I should have named her Viper instead of Princess because she had an awfully sharp tongue.

“It’s a no go on Taking Risks.” I got my feel for that in day to day life and I didn’t feel like going there with her.

“That leaves Challenging Assumptions or Seeing in New Ways.”

“Princess’ choice,” I offered.

“Alex, I’ll take Seeing in New Ways for one hundred,” she said humorously.

After we chose our ingredient, Mrs. Tanner gave us an envelope with a specific topic to discuss. Preconceived Notions; your partner has one about you, so change it by making him or her see you in a new way. Be creative.

“What’s up with that bullshit?” I asked. What kind of class was this and was I seriously going to get credit toward graduation?

She smirked and said, “Well, this exercise is already over because you just confirmed my preconceived notion about you instead of changing it.”

“What exactly is your preconceived notion about me, Princess?” I asked.

“The exercise doesn’t say I have to identify what my preconceived notion is. It says I have one and you have to attempt to change it by making me see you in a new way, so go for it. Make me see you in a new way because right now, it’s not so delightful.”

“You think I find you delightful? I called you a princess and you called me an asshole. Princess, positive. Asshole, negative.”

“Oh, yeah, you meant Princess in a positive way,” she said while she rolled her eyes the way that only a chick could. “I know what you think of me. I don’t need you to explain.”

“Okay, change my mind. Help me see you in a new way since that is our assignment.”

I could see she contemplated her words carefully and they were guarded when she finally began to speak. “My name is Claire Deveraux. Not Princess. Not Goody Goody. Not Miss Perfection. Not Forbes Henderson’s girlfriend. People assume I’m handed everything on a silver platter because my parents are compensated well for the hard work they do. My life isn’t simple or easy and I’m a real person with real problems. I can never be myself because it isn’t what’s expected. I feel trapped, like it’s never okay to be me because who I really am will disappoint everyone.”

Instead of embracing who she was, she was whining about it and it infuriated me. Try living the way I did and then tell me when it wasn’t okay to be Claire Deveraux because it had never been okay to be Jessie Boone.

When I looked at this chick, I thought she was one of the hottest girls I’d ever seen, but the pity party vibe was a complete turn off and it only proved she was the pampered princess I thought she was.

“Are you serious or are you messing with me?” I accused.

A look of fury came across her face. “I’m totally serious,” she snapped.

“Tell me a time in your life when it would not be okay to be Claire Deveraux? You have everything going for you. I know you come from a wealthy family because I can take one look at the way you’re dressed and know that. Your boots cost more than my truck. I’ve already heard you’re super smart because it’s rumored you are the next valedictorian and you are one of the most beautiful girls I’ve ever seen.”

Somewhere between my first word and the last, I fell into a trap of telling her how wonderful she was instead of how ridiculously spoiled.

She huffed and said, “You’re just like all the others. You only see the outside and what you want to see.”

“Show me something different and maybe I’ll see something different,” I challenged.

She declined my challenge by saying, “My turn’s over, you’re next.”

I considered what her assumption about me must be and decided I didn’t have much of an argument for changing it because most of the things she probably believed about me were true.

“I’m good,” I said, knowing I wouldn’t be off the hook, but unable to resist the attempt.

“No, you’re not good. You’re next.”

“I’m not going to say anything that will change your mind about me, so I’m afraid this exercise may be deemed unsuccessful,” I informed her.

“This is an assignment, so you have to tell me something.”

“Like what?” I asked.

She looked up at me through her long lashes, and in the softest voice I’d ever heard, said, “Tell me something real.”

The way she looked at me almost had me thinking she cared, but then I remembered who I was and who I was talking to and thought a little shock factor might be in order.

“My name is Jessie Boone, aka asshole. I’m a loser from Collinsville like everyone thinks. I don’t come from a rich family like all of you spoiled brats and it completely defines me and what I’m capable of doing, so I’ll never amount to anything because it’s what I’ve been told my whole life.”

Her shock meter didn’t appear to budge in the least.

“So, does this change how you see me or validate exactly what you think you already know about me?”

“No and Yes. No, it doesn’t change what I think about you, and yes, it validates you’re still an asshole.”

8 I Need A Broom Fast

Claire

As I walked to my locker after Humanities class, I could only think of Jessie Boone’s severe inconsistency. He was unguarded and sincere for a brief moment when he temporarily forgot to be a jerk. I thought the assignment was successful for a minute and I might be seeing him in a new way, then the thought dissipated as quickly as it formed while I watched him shift back to his former self. I found myself wondering which Jessie was the real one because he couldn’t be both.

The moment I realized he was in my class and sitting behind me, I felt breathless. When I tried to sneak a peek at him, he saw me and grinned to let me know I was caught. The realization of him knowing I was checking him out made me want to die right then and there.

He was probably the most handsome boy I had ever seen. I struggled with calling him a boy because the way his black T-shirt stretched taut across his chest and around his muscular arms clearly proved why the term didn’t fit him.

While I stood at my locker swapping out my books for my next class, I was thinking about the way Jessie’s black tattoo peeked out of his sleeve as he reached to pick up his pencil when it rolled off of his desk. I guess I was in deep fantasy mode because I let out an embarrassing squeal when Payton walked up behind me and began speaking. Mr. Grisham was in the hall and gave us that look-the one we all know that says, “Ladies, keep it down.”

I spun on my heels and said, “Don’t sneak up on me like that, Payton.”

“I did not sneak up on you. You just didn’t hear me because you were off in La La Land…with Jessie Boone,” she whispered in ear.

“I was not,” I lied.

“Oh, my dear Claire, you know you are the worst liar ever. I don’t know why you even try because you practically have a lie meter across your forehead and right now it’s telling me you just told me a big, fat one,” she teased.

“Okay. You’ve got me, but I was only thinking about him because we had second period together and we had to be partners on a class exercise,” I explained innocently.

“Your lie meter is registering a half truth because you were thinking about him as a partner that included exercise, but not on a class assignment. It’s more like the horizontal tango.”

I gave her a shove and said, “No, I’m not. You are so crude you should have been a guy, Payton.”

“Hey, somebody’s gotta keep it real,” she laughed.

Forbes walked up and joined us at our lockers. “What are we keeping real? Payton’s need for Penicillin?”

Payton spun to face Forbes and said, “You are seriously stroking my urge button to pimp slap you, so you better back it up.”

The job of refereeing the two of them was exhausting. I pointed to Payton and said, “You. U.S. History. Now.” I shoved Forbes in the direction of his next class and said, “Go, before you exceed the limits of her restraint to push her pimp slap button.”

I walked into Mr. Buckley’s U.S. History class and sat on the back row with Payton because it was our other thing. Since we didn’t disrupt class, teachers never said anything about us sitting on the back. I was, after all, in the running for Valedictorian and Payton was a fair to good student. On test day she was an even better student when she could see my answers.

We were seasoned note passers and read lips fluently. I guess you could call it our gift. Our favorite trick was to write a note using heavy pressure and pass the blank page underneath, so if taken up, the teacher only saw a blank page. One of us would claim the other needed to borrow a sheet of paper. That little trick had saved us on more than one occasion.

While waiting for Buckley’s class to start, Jessie Boone walked in. I silently prayed he would sit on the opposite side of the room, but he took the seat in front of me. He peered over his shoulder and whispered, “You took my seat.”

I made a show of searching the desk for his name and said, “I’m sorry. I don’t see your name on it anywhere.”

He turned around and begin to write his name across the desktop with his pencil and I hoped it rolled off his desk so I could get another peek at his tattoo as I watched him reach for it. I came to my senses and mentally slapped myself across the hand for thinking such a thought because I’m pretty sure that made me a sucky girlfriend.

“There. Now my name is on it.”

“That’s called destruction of school property,” I sarcastically warned.

My statement amused him and he laughed before he turned around in his seat. I looked down to erase his name and saw it didn’t read Jessie Boone. He had written, ‘U should smile more.’

I leaned forward and whispered, “Why do you say that?”

He peered back over his shoulder again. “Because it looks good on you.”

There it was again; that mysterious inconsistency making me think about Jessie Boone more than I should. Mr. Buckley began class, but I couldn’t hear his words over the fluttering in my stomach. I felt Payton’s stare and turned to look at her, seeing her mouth the word, “Foreplay,” and I laughed to myself while I shook my head.

I hoped Jessie wouldn’t turn around and say anything else to me because I didn’t need another reason to think about him. He left class without looking at me, and although it was what I wanted, I found myself foolishly disappointed.

Payton and I didn’t make it out of Buckley’s class before she had me cornered. “Now, tell me he’s not hot for you.”

“He’s not hot for me, Payton. He’s just having a little fun with the Princess. That’s all,” I said as I dodged around her to go to my locker.

I opened my locker and heard Payton whisper, “News flash, Claire…We just had this conversation an hour ago about what a terrible liar you are and it’s true; I can see it all over your face. He may call you Princess, but he doesn’t treat you like one and you like it.”

Her theory was unbelievable. “Why would I enjoy the way he treats me? He’s an ass to me, so that doesn’t even make sense.”

Payton looked at me like I was a dumbass. “Omigod, Claire, you can be so dense for someone so smart. I guess I’m going to be forced to spell it out for you. He can’t stand you because he thinks you’re a spoiled rotten little princess, but he can’t help but be hot for you. This is the first time you’ve ever met a guy that didn’t want to put you on a pedestal and you’re fascinated by it.”

“I’m sorry, I was unaware you began a career in psychological evaluations. Do you want me to tell my mom so she can see about getting you hired as a shrink?” I asked sarcastically.

“It’s all part of the game, Claire. Don’t get me wrong. I’m proud of your newfound sketchiness, but there’s one thing you have to remember. He’s the kind of guy you play with for a little bit of fun, not the kind you fall in love with.”

I slammed my locker door before heading off in the opposite direction to physics. I heard Payton call down the hall, “I’ve got a Benjamin in my purse right now that says I’m right.”

I practically ran to Physics to get away from Payton’s accusations and proposed bet because I didn’t want to consider the possibility of it’s accuracy. I took a seat at the back desk and put my head down on the table.

I felt a warm hand on the back of my neck and heard, “Hey, babe, is everything okay? You feel sick?”

The sound of Forbes voiced startled me and I raised my head to see him sitting at my table in the chair next to me. I forgot we had this class together.

“I don’t feel too great,” I lied.

What was up with me? I never lied, so why was I suddenly lying to my best friend and my boyfriend? I leaned back in my seat and watched the reason for my sudden ability to spout deception walk through the classroom door.

“Great, here comes the Collinsville skank,” Forbes said.

I looked up to see Jessie walking into class with Gretchen, better known as The Penivore, walking behind him. She followed in behind him like a lost puppy, then sat next to him at the table in front of us.

The hour consisted of her shameless flirting, which left little to the imagination, letting Jessie know he could have it any way he wanted it. It was disgusting.

During Mrs. Bishop’s lecture, my concentration altered between physics and the near dry humping escapade in front of me, all while my long term boyfriend sat unsuspectingly under my nose. Man, I was a sucky girlfriend.

I remembered the perfect plans Forbes and I had made and decided that this senseless interest had to stop. In the end, I would be with Forbes and Jessie would screw Gretchen, just like half of the guys at East Franklin had done before him and this temporary interest in Jessie Boone was only a minor technicality I would sweep neatly under the rug.

9 Fauxpology Not Accepted

Jessie

Some things didn’t change, money or not; a whore was still a whore even if she was wearing designer clothes. I wasn’t interested in Gretchen, at least not today. I had been there and done that kind of girl before, but it was always nice to have a backup plan if I decided to become interested.

The rest of my classes were boring without having Claire to playfully taunt, so it felt like they would never end. When they finally did, I went down to the field house and dressed out for practice, then hit the field and warmed up while I waited on the rest of the team to show for practice.

I walked over to where Dane was warming up his kicking leg. “So, what did you think of your first day at East Franklin, man?” he asked while he stretched his leg.

What could I say? It was nice being in school and not running into the kids that showed up on my doorstep to buy drugs off my mom and her boyfriend, Wayne. I liked not being known as the kid with the mom that could hook you up with whatever kind of drug you wanted.

I was about to answer Dane’s question when I noticed the cheerleaders arriving on the field for practice. I saw Claire in the crowd and answered, “Definitely different from my old school, but the view here is much nicer.”

“I get that you want to mess with Forbes, but Claire’s a nice girl, so don’t do anything to hurt her.”

There it was. Another warning. “I’m not some kind of animal. Come on, I’m just messing with her to get Henderson riled up. You’ve seen some of the things he has done to me and you know firsthand what he has planned. There’s no harm to her by talking to her. What’s the deal? You into her or something?”

“Our parents are friends and I’ve known her a long time, but forget I said anything because you’re going to do whatever you want to anyway.”

Man, I didn’t want to fight with my only friend. Just as I was about to promise Dane I’d leave Claire out of my conflict with Henderson, the devil himself walked up and couldn’t resist starting in on me.

“Hey, Collinsville skank, do you spank the monkey ambidextrously?”

Unfortunately, I didn’t have much material for retaliation. I could keep my mouth shut and take the high road, but I didn’t because Jessie Boone hadn’t ever backed down a day in his life.

I grinned and said, “Your girlfriend wasn’t complaining last night about what I could do ambidextrously.”

Our group of teammates erupted into laughter and I heard, “Ooh, Henderson, you just got smoked.”

If there was one thing I learned early in my life, it was how to dodge a fist coming at my face. I leaned out of the reach of Forbes’ swinging fist and laughed as I said, “I do believe that was the slowest sucker punch I’ve ever seen.”

“Henderson! Boone! In my office now!” I heard Coach yell from the door of the field house and he didn’t sound happy about our little altercation.

I walked in Coach’s office and plopped down in one of the chairs with my arms crossed, fairly certain how this was going to play out.

“This stops now. I don’t want to hear an excuse or an explanation. I only need for there to be no more fighting, verbally or physically. I don’t want to suspend either of you from a game, but I will if I catch you two fighting again so consider this your last warning. Got it?”

We simultaneously answered, “Yes, Coach,” but we both knew this was not the end of this because Henderson wouldn’t let it be the end until he got his spot back.

“You two do not speak to each another unless it is required on the field concerning a play. And you can think about how to get along while each of you do an extra 10 laps when we’re done with practice today.”

That was going to suck.

When I got back on the field, Dane couldn’t keep from saying, “Just couldn’t resist, could you?”

“Nope. I’ve never been able to resist a challenge. It’s my one character flaw,” I admitted.

“Well, by the look on Claire’s face, you’ve got hell to pay. I hope she lets you have it good because you deserve it and I hope I’m around to see it when she does,” he laughed.

“Some friend you turned out to be.”

“When you’re defendable, I’ll defend you, but you don’t have a defense, big mouth.”

Coach worked us hard and I did not feel like running extra laps when we were finished with practice, but I did because I didn’t have a choice.

The cheerleaders finished practice and left the field before us and I was glad because I didn’t want to face Claire’s wrath in front of the guys or the cheerleading squad. I guess that made me a coward, but Dane was right. I was going to catch hell from her, but it wouldn’t be until tomorrow, so I had all night to dread it.

After I finishing my laps, I walked out to my truck and East Franklin’s perfect couple was standing in the parking lot, apparently discussing the recent altercation between us. Coach was in the parking lot too, so I took the opportunity to twist the knife a little by taunting Claire, knowing Forbes couldn’t say a word with Coach right there.

“You looked good in practice today, Claire.”

My words didn’t provoke a response from her, but Forbes was livid and I loved it. I didn’t want to overdo it today with the Princess, so I opened the door to my truck and said, “I’ll see you tomorrow, Claire.”

I couldn’t stop this game of getting to Forbes through Claire now because it was too easy and I wasn’t hurting her. Not really. Maybe making her a little mad, but at the end of the day, it was all innocent.

* * *

I reluctantly admit I laid awake worrying about Claire last night, but not her wrath. It was her feelings I had on my mind and I began to feel like the asshole she accused me of being.

I got to Humanities and she wasn’t in class yet, so I took the same seat as the previous day and waited anxiously to see what the Princess might have in store for me because I had already figured out just how sharp her tongue could be.

She entered the classroom and I felt my heart fall to my stomach as I realized I was even less prepared to see her than I thought. My anxiety level had me feeling ridiculously uneasy. I gathered my thoughts for the perfect apology, then watched her skip the seat next to me and ask Brad to swap with her, making him my partner for the day.

She was ignoring me, acting as though I wasn’t even in the room, and I didn’t like it. Oh, it was a brilliant plan on her part if she wanted to get under my skin because it was absolutely working.

Humanities was painful with Brad as my partner. He chose Recognizing Patterns as our ingredient for discussion, but the only pattern I recognized was him talking and me wanting him to shut up.

The only good thing about being partners with Brad is that he talked just to hear his own voice which meant I didn’t have to. While he rambled, I watched Claire, hoping she would look in my direction so I could wave the white flag to let her know she had won and my partnership with Brad could be considered penance for my bad behavior.

When the bell rang, Claire was up and gone, not giving me an opportunity to apologize to her. I walked to third period with the intention of making her talk to me, whether she liked it or not, even if I had to go through Restless Lip Syndrome girl in order to do it.

I waited until I knew Claire and her talkative bodyguard had gone into U.S. History before I entered. I wasn’t giving her another opportunity to get away from me.

She and Payton had taken seats on the opposite side of the room on the front row with no open desks around them and she thought she had won again, but she was wrong.

I walked over to the girl sitting behind her and said, “I forgot my glasses today and I can’t see the board. Would you mind trading your seat for the one two rows over?”

“No problem. Sometimes I forget my glasses, too.”

I took the seat behind Claire, giving me the upper hand because I was able to lean forward to whisper in her ear, forcing her to hear me out and I wasted no time getting to it.

“I know what I did was wrong and I’m sorry. Will you please just go ahead and cuss me out or whatever you have planned.”

No response. Again.

Buckley started class, but I wasn’t ready to let this go. When he turned his back to pull down a roll away map, I leaned close to her ear and said, “You don’t have to continue ignoring me. I get it. You’re pissed and you have every right to be. I said I was sorry. What else do you want me to do?”

Payton leaned over and said, “You can give it up because she doesn’t accept fauxpologies. Trust me.”

I wasn’t giving her a fake apology. This was the real thing-as real as it got for me, anyway. I whispered in her ear, “This is me being real. I am sorry.”

Then, she flipped me off over her shoulder.

Payton leaned over again and whispered, “Uh, that translates into fauxpology not accepted.”

“Yeah, thanks. I kind of deciphered that one on my own.”

Man, I thought Forbes has screwed with the wrong guy, but maybe I screwed with the wrong Princess.

I leaned back in my desk, accepting my temporary defeat, all while planning my next move. I would find a way to make the pretty Princess forgive me.

10 The Penalty Box

Claire

I spent all day ignoring Jessie Boone without giving in, except when I gave him the finger, and that doesn’t count because I didn’t speak out loud.

He thought he knew how this thing was going to play out. He expected me to walk in, let him have it, then accept the smooth apology he had worked on all night. Guess what! He had another thing coming because I wasn’t letting him off the hook that easily.

I was surprised at how well ignoring him was working and I loved how it was driving him crazy. Realizing he would grow immune to it soon, I knew I had to come up with an extension plan and who better to ask than Sergeant Spite herself.

While we were stretching before cheerleading practice, I told Payton, “Got a job for you and only a devious mind such as yours will do.”

“Loving it already,” she said, as she rubbed her hands together. “What cha got for me?”

“I’m not finished with Jessie Boone and I need ideas, something to make him think twice about using me as ammunition against Forbes.”

“Ooh, I’d love to help you put him in the penalty box,” she said while smiling and nodding in agreement. “In fact, I’d rather enjoy it. Let me think it over and I’ll have something together by the end of practice today.”

I noticed Payton spent a lot of time watching the football players instead of concentrating on routines. At one point during practice, Payton elbowed me and whispered, “He’s watching you between every play and his eyes didn’t leave you even when Gretchen bent over in those ridiculously short shorts to give him a look at her vajayjay.”

Eww, I wasn’t sure it made me feel better to know he chose to look at me over a peek up The Penivore’s shorts, but I resisted the urge to look at him. “Good. If he is watching me then he can see I’m continuing to ignore him.”

“Don’t worry. He sees your lack of interest and I don’t think he cares for it one little bit. He doesn’t know it yet, but he just gave me the ammunition I needed to devise the perfect plan of retaliation.”

As soon as we were alone in Payton’s car after practice, she said, “This plot is so simple, yet so incredibly cunning. I don’t know if you’re up for it.”

“Oh, I’m up for it,” I reassured her.

“Okay. Jessie Boone may have used you as ammo in this battle between him and Forbes, but Betty…the boy wants to be your Fred Flintstone so he can make your Bedrock.”

Okay, her analogy was funny, but it didn’t sound like a plan to me. “I’m hearing about some cartoons, but failing to hear a plan, oh brilliant evil one.”

“You’re going to continue to ignore him, then after several days you’re going to act like you’re coming around and warming up to him. After you make him comfortable with your new friendship, you’re going to turn it into a flirtationship and tease him a little. In a couple of weeks, he will believe you’re ready to fall madly in bed with him, then you break it down for him and tell him he just got punked.”

This plan wasn’t coming together for me. “And just how will I have this flirtationship with Jessie Boone while I have a boyfriend?”

“A valid point,” she admitted. “You have to make him think you’re doing it behind Forbes’ back.”

“So, I have to trick Jessie and Forbes. That sounds risky to me.”

“Don’t worry, Forbes won’t find out if you’re careful and he won’t because I’ll have your back,” she reassured. “The beauty of the whole plan is that you are the one in control, not Jessie. You will make him jump through hoops to be with you under your conditions and I guarantee you’ll have him eating out of your hand.”

Payton could see my indecision, but knew the perfect words to push me over the edge. “Don’t forget how he embarrassed you in front of the entire football team and cheer squad with his little announcement. He basically told everyone he was doing you behind Forbes back. He as good as called you a slut.”

“You’re right, I’d love to wipe that arrogant, cocky grin off his face.” Even if it was one of the most handsome faces I’ve ever seen.

“Give it until Friday, then ease into the warming up stage of the scheme.”

It was a good plan once I got the gist, but we had no guarantee he wanted me to warm up to him. “You know your plan is worthless if he doesn’t like me, right?”

Payton smiled knowingly and said, “Trust me, he’s going to need a boner barrier to hide the tent in his pants when you’re finished with him.”

I spent the next three days doing a bang up job of ignoring Jessie, and per Payton’s orders, I got up earlier than normal this morning so I could make myself a little sexier for today’s activity of warming up to him. I was actually on time for the first time in my life and Payton was pleased with both my promptness and appearance when she arrived to chauffeur me to school for the last day since I was getting my car back this afternoon.

“Yes! You totally nailed the look I was going for and don’t forget-let him get a little closer and begin to let your guard down a little today. Try to get paired with him in Humanities class so it looks like you’re forced into talking to him.”

“Got it. That won’t be a problem because he’ll do anything to not be paired with the others.”

“Man, I wish I could be with you because I know you’ll make me proud.”

“Wish me luck.” I said, as we pulled into the parking lot. I saw him sitting in his truck smoking a cigarette and Payton was sure to park next to him.

Payton went ahead of me as I pretended to return to the car for something and I timed it perfectly for us to walk inside together with me only a few steps ahead. I was a little disappointed because we were half way to the front door and he hadn’t said a word, but then I heard, “Hey, are you going to force me into partnering with one of the brainiacs today?”

I didn’t answer as I continued walking, then heard, “I guess that’s a yes?”

I followed my usual morning routine and when I walked into Humanities, Jessie looked up at me when I entered the doorway. He watched me walk toward him, and although he expected me to ask Brad to swap seats again today, I sat in the desk next to him.

“Did you decide you were finished ignoring me?” he asked optimistically.

I busied myself by digging in my backpack, then pulled out a binder and opened it to prepare for class, not acknowledging him or his words.

“If you plan on continuing to ignore me, then why did you sit next to me? You could have done a much better job of it from across the room and you have to admit your silent treatment plan is screwed if we do the partner thing again today.”

When I still didn’t respond, he turned away from me and Mrs. Tanner shut the classroom door, then joined us in the circle as she usually did.

“Today we’re going to continue discussing our six ingredients for creativity. You may keep your previous partner or choose a new one, but I want you and your partner to pick an ingredient you have not yet discussed.”

I didn’t make a move, and neither did Jessie, making us partners for the hour. “What have you and the others discussed?” I asked, while staring at our options remaining on the board.

“She speaketh?” he asked sarcastically.

I looked at him and rolled my eyes. “You and I covered Seeing In New Ways on Monday. What did you cover with Brad yesterday?”

“Recognizing Patterns.”

“That’s good because Kara and I covered that one yesterday. Do you have a preference for today?”

“I think Challenging Assumptions is appropriate, would you agree?”

“Challenging Assumptions is fine with me.”

I opened the assignment envelope provided by Mrs. Tanner and read the directions aloud, “List three assumptions you have made about your partner and provide evidence why you have made the assumption. When your lists are completed, be prepared to agree with your partner’s opinion or persuade the opinion of your partner.”

“That doesn’t seem a whole lot different than our preconceived notions activity on Monday,” he complained.

“All of these partner exercises are intended to make us more comfortable with each other to promote our creativity without fear of rejection. This exercise is a little different because you must show evidence for your assumption, rather than accept it simply as opinion,” I explained.

He looked a little worried. “This could get interesting. I might learn how little you truly think of me. I hope I don’t get my feelings hurt too badly.”

I didn’t respond to his comment as I opened my composition book to begin my list of assumptions. He finished before me, and although I didn’t look up at him, I felt his stare as I continued working on my list.

“If you don’t stop staring at me, I’m going to make the assumption that you are creepy,” I threatened.

“You haven’t looked up at me, so what makes you think I’m staring at you?” he laughed.

“I don’t think, I know you are because I feel your eyes on me.”

“Should I assume that makes you psychic or psycho?”

“Whatever!” I said through my gritted teeth.

“Whatever is what one says to admit defeat without actually admitting it,” he taunted.

Whoa! That got my attention and I looked up from my notebook to ask, “Where did you come up with that bull? Do you make it up as you go?”

He seemed pleased with capturing my full attention and said, “I did not make it up. It’s a well known fact.”

It was time for us to get on the same page. “Let’s get one thing straight; I’m not easily defeated, but if I ever am, you won’t know it unless I want you to know it.”

He looked at me and hesitated before asking, “Are you finished tearing me down with your list of assumptions because I’ve been finished with yours?”

“I’m ready so let’s do this. I’ll even go first,” I offered.

“Not a problem, Princess.”

“You smoke cigarettes, so I assume you do not care about your health.”

Hah! I’d like to see him argue that one.

He nodded as though he was caught and said, “You partially have me on that one. I smoke, but it doesn’t mean I don’t care about my health. I didn’t understand the risks when I started smoking because I was so young. Now that I am older, I want to quit, but it isn’t the easiest thing in the world to do.”

“So, you are telling me you are too weak to quit?”

That got his full attention. “Addicted to nicotine? Yes. But weak? No. Never mistake me for weak, Princess.”

He didn’t have to convince me he wasn’t weak because I heard his strength when he spoke. I saw it in his eyes and in the persistence he showed when he didn’t give up on talking to me this entire week while I ignored him.

“You’re next, so enlighten me and tell me something I don’t know about myself,” I challenged.

He grinned and I had learned in the short time since I met him that there was always mischief behind it. “Okay, I hear your family is friends with Forbes’ family. Considering the fact that he is a complete ass, I can only assume you date him because it’s what your parents want, not what you want.”

How could a school assignment get so personal? This was so not working for me and I oozed sarcasm as I said, “Please, don’t be afraid to get personal about things that are none of your business.”

“I don’t believe the exercise said anything about avoiding personal issues, so spill. Are you madly in love with Forbes or are you just sleeping with him until someone better comes along?”

There it was, another speculation about me. “You are a jackass.”

“I’ve been called worse, but you’re avoiding the question, Princess.”

I hesitated and considered my answer before saying, “Forbes is my boyfriend and that’s all you need to know.”

He leaned back in his desk and folded his arms across his chests, smirking. “So, you aren’t in love with him.”

“I didn’t say that.”

He grinned at me like he had the upper hand. “Oh, but you did. Just not in those words, so it’s back to you.”

I picked up the sheet of paper I had jotted my assumptions on and gave it a quick rip down the middle. “Okay, two can play this game.”

“I’m not afraid, so give it your best shot, Princess,” he challenged.

“Okay. You talk this talk and walk this walk like you don’t care about a thing in the world, but you didn’t want me to be mad at you about what you said. You put on a front because you do care what others think. You care what I think.”

“What’s the evidence to back your assumption?”

Screw the plan. We would have to adjust accordingly because I wasn’t letting him win this. “Come on, you immediately flew into apologizing to me for what you said the second you saw me after it happened. Don’t you remember? Let me refresh your memory.” I puffed up my chest and did my best impression of him as I mocked, “This is me being real and I am sorry for what I said about you,” then I laughed at how easily I wiped that cocky grin off of his face.

He looked down at his paper and began to doodle as he said, “I apologized because what I said was wrong, but it doesn’t make me a wuss.”

I clearly touched a nerve. “I didn’t say you were a wuss, I said you cared about what people thought of you. You have spent the whole week trying to get me to forgive you because you care what I think of you.”

“I believe it’s my turn, now,” he said and broke into a beautiful grin. “With such a deep, thoughtful opinion like that about me, I can only assume that means you’ve been thinking about me. A lot.”

The boy was bold, if nothing else, and he had no idea how right he was. I thought about him way more than I should all week long, but I would die before I admitted that to him. “Hello? That was the assignment. I had to think about you because it was a requirement for Mrs. Tanner’s assignment. Duh!”

“You’re lying and it’s all over your blushing face.”

I was getting tired of everyone reading my face and I felt the heat rising in my cheeks. “My face is red because you make my blood boil.”

“You’re hot for me, that’s why you feel like your face is on fire.”

None of this was part of the plan. I was supposed to be the one in control. How could things have gone so wrong so quickly? While I contemplated what to say next, I was saved by the bell. Literally. I quickly gathered my things without looking at him, all while not denying his speculation.

Before I walked out the door, I looked up at him. Smug arrogance spread across his face and my inner beotch stepped forward to take control because I refused to let him win this round. I waited outside the building exit by the picnic tables used by the freshmen class during break. He walked out of the building in my direction and I used my finger to motion for him to come over. He grinned, believing he had me where he wanted me, and I grinned because I knew he didn’t.

“Have something to admit, Princess?”

Easing into the warming up stage might not be an option like Payton and I discussed. What I was about to do could be considered more like jumping in head first. “You might have announced in front of the entire football team and cheerleading squad that I fictitiously liked what your hands did to me, but I just made you come with one finger, so tell me now who has the skills.”

I gave him a wink before I walked away, then heard, “Is that the game we’re gonna play because I believe I heard a challenge and I don’t think I could accept it if I didn’t give you fair warning. I don’t back down, Princess.”

I never feared he would. Panic set in and I wondered; what had I just gotten myself into?

11 Money Back Guarantee

Jessie

This version of the Princess was fun. I could toy with this one without the fear of real rejection. As long as I didn’t look serious, I could accept her dismissal, so I decided to push my luck to the extreme to get a reaction out of her.

I needed some time to strategize, so I avoided sitting next to Claire in third period history. I sat across the room, but I couldn’t keep my eyes from wandering in her direction. Based on their serious facial expressions, her conversation with Payton was deep.

She refused to acknowledge my presence by looking in my direction, but Payton looked right at me and gave me what I perceived as an ‘Awe, it’s on now’ nod. I didn’t think Claire had it in her to do too much damage, but Payton I wasn’t so sure about and I spent the hour pondering what they could be up to.

I got to Physics class early and I hoped Claire would follow soon after without Forbes so I might have a moment to play with her. When she walked in the door alone, I was pleased and swiveled to the side to see her better. I realized too late that I must look like a grinning hyena when she asked, “What’s with the shit eating grin?”

Knowing the jig was up, I decided to go full force with my attempt to provoke her. “I was just thinking…you might as well sleep with me since everyone already thinks you have. I promise you would not be disappointed. Money back guarantee.”

She began to laugh and said, “You are reality challenged. No one believes we’re sleeping together.”

She didn’t shoot me down cold or call me a cringeworthy, so I decided to push a little harder. “Well, since you did bring it to my attention that you made me come with one finger, I’m especially interested in finding out what your whole hand can do. You can blame yourself for my peaked interest.”

She shook her head like she couldn’t believe I would say such a thing to her and said, “If this is the real you, whoever told you to be yourself couldn’t have given you worse advice.”

She still had not told me to go to hell, so I said, “Come on, go out with me tonight. It’s our last free Friday night for months and I promise to rock your world.”

“You know I have a boyfriend, so why are you even asking?”

I placed my open palm over my heart and said, “I’m a hopeless romantic. Besides, he doesn’t have to know. I’m very good at keeping secrets.”

She looked thoughtful, like she could be thinking it over, then said, “Sorry, no can do.”

I saw Henderson come through the door and I quickly whispered, “Someday you’ll call me the one that got away.”

I faced the front of the classroom and heard Henderson sit behind me, next to Claire. “Hey, babe. Having a good day?” he asked her.

She laughed and answered loud enough for me to hear, “Yeah. It’s been a really good day, very interesting. I found out I like some things I didn’t know I liked.”

“I hope you find some things tonight that you didn’t know you liked.”

Of course, she would have plans with her boyfriend, but it didn’t stop me from feeling slightly spurned as I was forced to overhear their conversation about going out tonight. I stilled, waiting to hear her response to his comment, but she had none.

Gretchen came in and took her seat next to me, looking especially slutty today in a short skirt and low cut shirt. She spoke, as she had everyday this week, and I decided to return her friendly affections in an attempt to fish for a reaction from Claire.

I looked her up and down and spoke a little louder so my words would easily reach Claire’s ears. “Damn, Gretchen, you look smoking hot today and that shirt looks great on you. It accents your…eyes.”

She smiled like the cat that ate the canary and leaned closer to stroke my arm as she said, “Thank you very much and I’m glad to know you’re finally noticing.”

“Please don’t think I haven’t been noticing because I have,” I falsely reassured.

I heard the slam of a binder against the table, then heard Henderson ask, “What’s up with you?”

“Nothing, absolutely nothing,” she said.

I knew better and just as I had hoped, flirting with Gretchen had gotten Claire’s attention. To test my theory, I decided to take my flirting a step further.

“You got plans for tonight?”

Gretchen leaned forward, allowing me a view of her cleavage and said, “I do, but nothing that can’t include you. I’m supposed to go to a bonfire at Harrison Cleveland’s. Half the school will be there; the cool half that is, and his older brother is buying some kegs. I told Ben Averitt I would go with him, but I can bail on him if you want to be my date.”

I left my eyes on her cleavage and said, “I think you would have a better time with me than Ben. Don’t you think?”

She smiled and said, “I completely agree.”

I heard the slam of a textbook onto the floor, causing Gretchen to jump. She turned around, her eyes shooting daggers at Claire and said, “Clumsy much?”

Claire glared at her and said, “Slutty much?” in retaliation.

“News flash, Claire…a chastity belt is not a fashion statement,” she laughed.

Claire narrowed her eyes and said, “At least my right leg doesn’t miss my left leg because they haven’t seen each other in so long.”

Gretchen sneered as she said, “Contrary to what you may believe, Claire, being a prude is not a virtue.”

“Gretchen, the smartest thing to ever come out of your mouth is a guy’s…”

“Whoa, Claire!” Henderson interrupted, causing us all to realize the entire class was being entertained by their exchange of insults.

Mrs. Bishop, oblivious to the free show in her class, began teaching and I tried to concentrate on her lecture, but I couldn’t stop analyzing the motive behind Claire’s verbal attack on Gretchen. Did she dislike her that much or was there more to it? Could she really be jealous?

When class ended, Claire was the first one out the door, with Henderson closely behind her. In her absence, I was left with little reason to talk with Gretchen, except for the fact that I had made a date with her.

“What time do you want to pick me up?” she asked.

I quickly considered how I might get out of this being like a real date and said, “I have somewhere to be early Saturday morning, so I’ll probably have to leave early. Why don’t I meet you there?”

She cozied up to me, rubbing her breasts against my arm as she explained, “I’m more than alright with leaving the party early.”

“I might have to leave really early and I wouldn’t want to ruin your good time, so it’s probably best to meet there.”

She frowned at that idea, obviously disappointed, but said, “Okay, I guess that will work.”

As I walked away, she said, “Do you know how to get to Harrison’s place?”

I pretended the detail slipped my mind as I dumbly said, “Oh, yeah, I guess I need directions,” but it would have been fine with me to skip the whole thing and feign ignorance when we returned to school on Monday.

When she finished giving me directions to the party, she told me to meet her there at eight, and although I agreed, it was still up in the air if I would show or not. We both knew what her intentions were and I wasn’t left with the impression that she planned a reunion between her left and right leg tonight and I wasn’t interested in a girl that had seen more ceilings than Michelangelo.

I walked down the hall considering if the mess I had gotten myself into with Gretchen was worth Claire’s possible jealousy or not when I ran into Dane in the hall. We bumped fists as he said, “Hey, Boone, are you coming to Harrison’s bonfire tonight?”

“I’m supposed to go with Gretchen, but I’m not sure I’m going to make it.”

“You should come. Harrison says that there’s going to be plenty of beer.”

I thought of the repercussions of not showing. “Gretchen would probably be pissed if I don’t show since I kind of asked her to be my date.”

“Dude, I was going to warn you about messing with Claire to make Forbes mad, but if you come with Gretchen, then I know you won’t have time to cause trouble because your hands will be full, literally.”

I was in if Claire was going to be there. “Are you positive Claire will be there?”

“Of course, she’ll be there,” he promised. “We’re using her car for the music because she has a custom sound system.”

Bonfires with beer and bumping sound systems didn’t strike me as things of interest to Claire, so I guess there was a lot I didn’t know about her. “I changed my mind. I’m going.”

“Awesome, but do I have to ask who the persuading factor is?” he laughed.

“I’m fairly certain you can guess who the persuading factor is, but I’ll give you one clue; it’s not the girl with more pricks than a secondhand dartboard.”

“Would it do any good to ask you to not start anything with Forbes?”

“I don’t have the intention of fighting Forbes,” I promised. “But if I want to talk to Claire and she wants to talk to me, no one is going to stop us.”

“Good to hear you are at least considering her feelings these days.”

“I shouldn’t have said what I did about her, but never fear I didn’t get mine because the old saying is true; hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Frankly, I’m not sure she’s finished with me yet, but I’m ready to find out.”

“Please, be careful. Forbes and his posse still haven’t made good on their plan to take you out and there’s only a week left until the first game. Don’t do anything to push the envelope tonight,” Dane pleaded.

“I’ve told you I’m not afraid of them and I’m repeating myself when I tell you that I’ve lived through more than Forbes Henderson can dish out.”

“And I’ve told you Forbes doesn’t play by the rules, so I guess this point we’ve reached is called an impasse.”

“An impasse it is,” I agreed.

12 All The Right Buttons

Claire

What was wrong with me? I acted like a complete imbecile when Jessie gave the sexual butterfly a little bit of attention and the worst part of it wasn’t that I was afraid Forbes saw right through me-it was that I was afraid Jessie didn’t.

Spending time with him today only confirmed the intense, undeniable attraction I felt toward him. Even if this was a game I was playing, I thought the attraction was mutual, but then he asked another girl out on a date while rubbing it all up in my face.

The boundaries of this game I was playing was becoming increasingly unclear to me. The thought of Gretchen trying to use Jessie as her next screwvenir was making me crazy, but the thought of him saying yes left me with an even worse feeling and then it registered. I didn’t want him to want her because I wanted him to want me.

The whole thing was whacked because I had a boyfriend and not just any boyfriend-a long term boyfriend my parents basically hand picked for me. Forbes Henderson was everything they wanted for me.

What did I really even know about Jessie Boone? He came from Collinsville, which meant he was probably poor. If his prior address didn’t prove it, his junked out truck did. His family was probably uneducated, which meant they most likely didn’t encourage him to succeed. I bet he’d be the first person in his family to graduate from high school.

And how could I be attracted to a smoker? I had always found it to be so nasty and skanky, but something about the way he held a cigarette between his thumb and index finger when he put it to the side of his full lips was so incredibly sexy. What was wrong with me? I wished he smelled like smoke because I could find that unappealing, but he didn’t. His fragrance was clean and masculine, yet woodsy, and it made me want to lean in closer for a deeper smell.

It would be Gretchen enjoying the way he smelled tonight, not me. In fact, I was sure she would be wearing his fragrance all over her entire body before the night was over.

Fourth period zoomed by and when the bell rang, I realized I had spent the entire class thinking about Jessie and how he would spend the evening with his date. I did the same thing in last period and when the bell rang, I practically ran to meet Payton at my locker.

“Payton, are you ready to go?” I pleaded. “I really need to get out of here.”

She stood carelessly at her locker while I was dying. “I’m ready. Do you still need me to drive you by the dealership to pick up your car?”

“Yeah, we’re using it for the music tonight at the bonfire.”

“Love it,” she sang. “That means we get to pick the music.”

I waited forever while Payton grabbed the things she needed from her locker and we walked to her car, meeting up with Jessie on the walk to her car.

“Hey, Claire, will I be seeing you at the bonfire?” Jessie asked, with a smirk on his face, almost like he knew the anxiety he was causing me.

I wanted to give him a simple reply, but just like the day we met, I felt the words forming on my tongue and I was powerless to control what rolled off next. “Well, I guess that all depends.”

“On what?” he laughed.

“If you spend the whole night screwing Gretchen then you won’t see me at all, but if you only spend part of the night screwing her, then you might get to see me the free part of the night.” The minute I started talking, I realized how jealous and rude I sounded, but it was too late because it was out there. Shit. I couldn’t even look at him now.

“Have I done something wrong, Claire?” he asked, all innocent like.

I shook my head and looked away from him as I regretfully answered, “No. You haven’t done anything wrong.” And he hadn’t because we had no relationship and he didn’t have any type of obligation to me. He was free to be with whom ever he wanted and I wasn’t.

“Like you said, I won’t see you if I decide to screw Gretchen all night, so in case I do that, let me tell you now to have a great time,” he antagonized. I wasn’t sure if he realized the effect of his words on me, but I strongly suspected he did and that’s why he was pushing me so hard.

I couldn’t speak for fear I might vomit. He knew all the right buttons to push to make me furious, jealous and nauseated at the same time.

Payton and I got in her car and she said, “Claire, he wants you to ask him to ditch Gretchen. It’s so obvious.”

She was so obsessed with the plan, but she failed to see the effect he had on me. I looked over at him waiting in his truck parked next to us. I wanted to get out and scream at him to not be with Gretchen tonight. When he looked at me, I knew he was waiting on me and all I had to do was say the words for him to dump her.

I put my hand on the door handle nervously, but hesitated as my heart was beating out of my chest. If I walked over to him right now, I was a goner for sure because I was no longer thinking strategy.

I closed my eyes and said, “Just go.”

“You’re blowing the plan, Claire. What is wrong with you?”

I couldn’t open my eyes to look at him. “I just need you to get me out of here. Now.”

Payton couldn’t make heads nor tails of my reaction. I played it off like I got nervous about the plan because I was afraid he would see it on my face. I told her I still wanted to go through with it so I wouldn’t tip her off as to how I was really feeling.

After I spent the afternoon on the edge of hysterics, I picked Payton up and drove toward Harrison’s, listening as she explained the change in our plan. “I’ve thought of a way to salvage the plan. If he’s going to the bonfire with Gretchen then he plans to get laid tonight, but I’ve come up with a plan to keep him from getting any action. I call it The Coitus Hiatus.”

Payton could be on to something. I liked the sound of that plan.

“You get him to think about being with you by telling him that you’re into him but you need some time to think about the situation with Forbes. The Coitus Hiatus maneuver comes into play when you tell him that he can forget about anything between the two of you if he touches Gretchen’s slide to unlock button because you don’t do The Penivore’s leftovers.”

Damn, this girl was good, but there could be one flaw.

“What if I don’t see him before he gets with Gretchen? That slut puppy is fast.”

“We’ll get there first, so you have to make sure you get to him before she has a chance to drop her panties.”

“I don’t mean to insult your skills of deception by asking, but can you keep Forbes occupied while I talk to him?” I asked.

“Not a problem. I can keep Forbes and all of his pals tied up with the funnel for a while. In fact, I could probably get Forbes to funnel a few beers so you can be free the rest of the night if you want me to,” she suggested.

Payton with a funnel and a crowd of guys was dangerous business because she had a way of getting guys to do anything she wanted. “I don’t need you to kill them with alcohol poisoning. Just keep them busy for a little while.”

“You know I can’t stand Forbes, so we’ll see, but it’s a fact that I can’t be charged with anything if he does it himself. Either way, I’ve got you covered,” she promised.

“Thanks, I think.”

We were some of the first ones to arrive because we were in charge of the music and we saw that Harrison’s brother had come through with the kegs as promised and I didn’t know who was more pleased with the presence of alcohol-me or Forbes and Cooper.

I looked around, but didn’t see Gretchen or Jessie and Payton said, “Relax, it’s still early. They won’t get here until a little later, so you’ve got plenty of time.”

“Got time for what?” Forbes asked as he came up from behind to wrap his arms around me. He leaned around and kissed my neck and I felt nothing exciting when he touched me. If I was being honest with myself, I never had. When we were apart, I didn’t long to be with him and that fact told me everything I needed to know about my relationship with him.

I wondered what my parents would think if I broke up with Forbes. I hadn’t really dated other guys, so they had never had the opportunity to dislike anyone I chose for myself.

Forbes handed a red plastic cup filled with beer my way. “Here, let’s get this party started.”

“It’s a little early to get started with the drinking, don’t you think? If we start now, we’ll be wasted before nine.”

He raised an eyebrow at me and said, “Precisely.”

It might not be a bad idea to get a little loosened up before Jessie got here to prevent myself from freaking out like I did earlier today, so I took the beer to calm my nerves a little.

Forbes eyes lit up like he had hit the jackpot and said, “Now, that’s what I’m talking about. Check out my girl, Coop. I told you she wasn’t a princess.”

I felt my heart jump into my throat and I said, “Why did you call me that?”

“Uh, I didn’t call you anything. In fact, I said you were not a princess. There’s a big difference in calling you a princess and saying that you aren’t one. What’s the big deal about being called a princess anyway?”

He put his cup to his mouth, taking a large gulp, and I realized it was only a coincidence that he had used Jessie’s nickname for me. “Nothing. Forget I said anything.”

“You’re being a little weird tonight. Does that mean you’re nervous about something?” he asked, clearly hopeful tonight would be the night he got what he wanted from me.

He had no idea how nervous I was, but unfortunately for him, it had nothing to do with having sex with him like he planned. I was no fool. I knew pushing the beer on me was a ploy to hopefully loosen me up, then loosen my panties down.

Jessie coming along didn’t really alter my feelings toward Forbes. I couldn’t remember a time when I ever felt like I was in love with him. He met everyone’s expectations for me, but I was sick of living my life for everyone else and their expectations. Tonight was the first night of the rest of my life. For the first time ever, I was choosing to make myself happy.

13 Friday Night Lights

Jessie

Damn. Talk about a total let down. For a minute, I almost thought I had Claire ready to jump out of that car to tell me to ditch Gretchen. She looked so close, but then reality set in and her anti-slumming senses returned.

Claire needed a gentle push in the right direction, or maybe a hard shove, and I was prepared to give that to her. It was probably wrong to use Gretchen in the process, but something told me that this wouldn’t be the first time she had been used and cast to the side. I wasn’t so sure she minded it all that much. In fact, I kind of wondered if she could be into the whole masochist thing.

I arrived at eight, but not because I wanted to be on time for Gretchen. I wanted plenty of time to show Claire what she was missing by not being with me.

I winced a little as I became aware that the luxury convertible parked in the middle of the field pumping out music belonged to Claire. Man, it was easier to feel a little bit more confident when I didn’t know she drove a car that cost more than the trailer I lived in.

I put the thoughts of material things aside and I reminded myself of how she reacted when I flirted with Gretchen and remembered how close she looked to giving in to me this afternoon. I got out of my truck and let down the tailgate, then sat as I waited for her to make an appearance.

I felt the shift of my truck as Dane sat next to me on my tailgate. “Glad to see you made it. Where’s your lady friend?”

Assuming he was referring to Gretchen, I answered, “I’m pretty sure you can’t call her a lady, but I haven’t seen her yet. Frankly, I’m not looking forward to finding her because when she figures out that she and I don’t have the same agenda for tonight, it’s probably not going to go well.”

“And what is your agenda for tonight?” he asked, suspiciously.

“Things with Claire have changed a little since we talked. I ran into her after school and we had an interesting…let’s say interaction. I think I almost had her.”

“What do you mean you think you almost had her?”

“I think she was about to tell me to get rid of Gretchen tonight,” I bragged.

“I think you’re wrong about that,” he informed me.

What made him think he knew anything about me and Claire? “How do you know? You weren’t there.”

He hesitantly answered, “Dude…I hate to break it to you but Forbes said that tonight was the night for him and Claire.”

I knew exactly what he was implying, but I needed confirmation. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“He says he’s tapping it tonight.”

“I assume you mean Claire, and not a keg. If he’s bragging about tapping it tonight then that means he’s never tapped it before.”

That was good information to know and I liked knowing she had not given herself to him. In fact, I loved it and it made me wonder if I had Claire Deveraux figured out at all.

“I wish you the best of luck if Claire is into you, but be prepared for Henderson’s wrath because it won’t be pretty if you take his girl. Especially if he thinks he’s finally about to get what he’s worked on for so long,” Dane warned.

I looked across the field, my eyes searching for Claire. I saw her through the golden lights of the bonfire standing with a small group of friends next to Forbes and Payton. “I would be disappointed if his wrath was anything less than ugly.”

Claire’s eyes caught mine and she smiled. When I returned her smile, I watched hers suddenly disappear as I felt a hand on my arm and I turned to see Gretchen standing next to me.

Dane took Gretchen’s arrival as his cue to leave and said, “I’ll catch up with you guys later.”

I had hoped to talk to Claire before I got stuck with Gretchen. Of course, I had no such luck. “Been here long?” she asked.

“Nah, just got here about five minutes ago.”

“I wondered if you might stand me up,” she laughed as though it wasn’t even a remote possibility and totally unaware I would have in a heartbeat if only the right girl had asked me to.

“You want to go for a ride?” she propositioned with a suggestive tone.

Wow, she wasted no time, but I shouldn’t be surprised because the girl had a turbo charged sex drive. “I’m good. Let’s just hang out here for a while. You want a beer?”

“Sure,” she said, her voice drenched with disappointment by my decline of her sultry invitation.

Maybe she would get drunk, then pass out and leave me alone so I could talk to Claire. “I’ll grab us a couple. Be right back.”

I grabbed a cup and began to fill it with beer for my date as I saw Claire walk toward me. When she stopped by my side, I said, “Hey, Princess, need a refill?”

She smiled and laughed as she said, “Yeah, I’ll let you fill me up,” then she lightly bit her lower lip while waiting for my response.

“You’re such a dirty girl and you have everyone fooled. But you know that already, don’t you?”

She grinned mischievously and said, “I might have most people fooled, but not everyone.”

I shook my head in agreement. “Nope, you don’t have me fooled. Maybe you did a little at first, but it didn’t even last a whole day.”

“Why is that? People that have known me my entire life can’t see me for who I really am, but you didn’t know me a day before you pegged me.”

“Maybe we’re more alike than you know.”

She looked around for eavesdroppers, then said, “I need to talk to you alone, but not right now.”

There they were; the words I was dying to hear. “Okay. What cha got in mind?”

“Give me at least half an hour, then watch for me to walk into the woods right over there,” she said as she pointed out the area where she would be.

“Okay, I’ll meet you there,” I said before we parted ways and I returned with Gretchen’s beer.

She began her interrogation as soon as I returned. “What did the Miss Goody Goody have to say to you?”

“Nothing you’d care to hear,” I replied dryly, which wasn’t a total lie.

“I’m pretty certain she could never say anything I would care to hear, but was it anything you cared to hear?” she grilled.

“Look, I don’t give explanations to girls about anything I do, so do us both a favor and don’t go there,” I warned.

“I’m just thinking it’s a little strange it took all week for you to notice me, then the minute you do, Miss Virgin Queen with a boyfriend is slamming books around like she’s mad as hell and now she’s catching you alone to talk to you. It’s obvious something is going on between the two of you.”

I avoided eye contact and didn’t deny her accusation as I raised my plastic cup to take a drink of beer.

“I don’t hear you denying it,” she pointed out.

“Like I said before, I’m not afflicted with the need to explain myself to anyone,” I reiterated, possibly a little too strongly.

“No need to get pissed about it. I don’t give a rat’s ass if you’re after her or if she’s after you. I’m just trying to figure out if I need to find another date because mine is fixated on someone besides me.”

“Do you want to hear that I’m fixated on you or would you rather hear the truth?” I asked, coldly.

“You knew all along you were going to try to get with her, didn’t you? That’s why you wouldn’t pick me up,” she accused.

“No, I didn’t want to pick you up because I did’t want to get stuck with you all night. It has nothing to do with Claire. That merit is completely your own,” I informed her.

“You used me to make Claire Deveraux jealous. And it worked. If I wasn’t so happy about that fact, I might be pretty pissed at you right now.”

“Glad we both got something we wanted out of this.”

She leaned in toward me and said, “I didn’t get exactly what I wanted, and just so you know, you didn’t have to trick me into making The Chastity Belt jealous because I would have gladly done it for the fun of it. But now that I know what’s going on, I’ll gladly help you to make her as jealous as you’d like.”

“I think I’m good for now,” I declined, then she leaned in further and kissed me slowly on the mouth.

When she pulled away, she smiled and said, “Claire is staring at us, so sorry. I couldn’t resist doing that to make her blood boil. Don’t forget, I’m willing to push it further if you need me to.”

“I’ll let you know if the time comes,” I laughed.

I hoped Gretchen’s kiss didn’t make Claire change her mind about meeting me. After the first thirty minutes went by, I begin to wonder. I waited and watched for Claire to make her getaway to the woods while Gretchen and I talked on the tailgate of my truck. Occasionally, I looked over to where she was and I would catch a view of Forbes kissing her or holding her hand and I didn’t care for the way it made me feel.

Almost an hour later, I saw her sneak away from a very drunken Forbes. I waited a moment before I followed her to avoid anyone seeing us sneaking into the woods together because I felt the need to protect her.

I anxiously and nervously walked in her direction, then heard her whisper, “Psst, over here,” and I turned to see her peaking out from behind a large tree.

I walked over to her and she leaned back against the tree and flirtatiously said, “Hey, you.”

“Hey, Princess,” I said sweetly, realizing that the nickname I once used as an insult was now used for an entirely different reason.

“You managed to get away from The Penivore.”

I had to laugh as I asked, “The what?”

“The Penivore. You know, like a herbivore or a carnivore. Gretchen is better known at school as The Penivore.”

“Wow, I might have asked her out sooner if I had known that,” I laughed.

Claire made a fist and hit me as hard as she could in the chest before she began walking away. I was a little impressed with the pain remaining after her punch and I rubbed my chest with one hand, while grabbing her arm with my other.

“Come back, don’t be mad. I was only kidding, Princess,” I pleaded.

I stopped her by stepping in front of her and she began backing up as I walked toward her until her back was against the tree and she could go no further. I didn’t stop until we were eye to eye. Her chest was heaving rapidly and our eyes never lost contact as I said, “There was something you wanted to talk to me about?”

“Yes,” she whispered, breathlessly.

“I’m listening,” I said, softly.

I waited with hopeful anticipation of hearing her say that she was interested in me the way I was interested in her, but she remained silent. I leaned forward to encourage her as I waited for her to speak. I placed my lips against her ear and whispered, “Why do you look so frightened, Princess? I promise I won’t bite…unless you ask me to.”

She turned her face in toward me and I felt the softness of her cheek against mine as it grazed my stubbled face. She lightly skimmed her lips along my jawline until the softness of her lips and the warmth of her breath hovered over my mouth without touching it. I thought I would surely spontaneously combust if I didn’t kiss her soon, but I wasn’t ready to risk scaring her off because I had moved too fast so I left all the control in her hands.

“I want to kiss you, but I shouldn’t,” she breathed against my mouth.

“I want to kiss you, and I don’t have a reason not to, but I won’t until you ask me to,” I said as I remained close enough to feel her breath on my mouth.

“I wanted you to meet me here alone because I needed to ask you if there was something between us. I think I have my answer.”

I thought my attraction for her was so transparent, but I guess I was wrong. I touched her lip with my thumb as I asked, “Did you really think you had to ask?”

Her lips were so soft and I felt them move against my finger as she replied, “I had to be positive before I asked you what I’m about to ask you.”

The anticipation of finding out what she wanted from me was about to kill me. “Which is what?”

“I feel this insane attraction between us, but I have a year and a half vested with Forbes and I need a little time to be sure I’m ready to throw all of that away. I need to know if you are willing to give me the time I need to find out.”

“How much time are we talking about?” I questioned.

“I don’t know because I’ve never done this before. A week? Maybe two tops, but there’s something else I need from you and you might not find the rest of my requests so reasonable.”

I moved to her other ear and softly whispered, “Tell me what you want from me.”

She hesitated before answering, “Ditch Gretchen. Don’t sleep with her because I won’t be able to have a relationship with you if you do.”

That would not be a problem, but she didn’t have to know that, then I remembered what Dane had told me about Forbes’ plans with Claire tonight and I thought it was only fair for her to agree to the same rules.

I pulled back to look at her because I wanted to see her reaction when I said, “I’ll strike a deal with you. I agree to not sleep with Gretchen if you won’t sleep with Forbes and we can see where this thing between us is going without any regrets,” I proposed.

She smiled and looked happy to be getting what she wanted. “I commit if you do.”

I smiled because I was happy I was getting what I wanted and vowed with her, “I do.”

This agreement would seem ridiculous if made with any other girl and I would have never made it with anyone but Claire. The upside was that I couldn’t be more pleased with the idea of Forbes’ girlfriend being with him while thinking of me and I laughed to myself when I realized I was responsible for issuing a cock block with his name on it without really even trying.

“I guess I better get back out there before they start to miss me and call out the search party,” she said, reluctantly.

I knew I wasn’t sticking around if my time with her was over, so I told her, “I think I’m going to split.”

She looked disappointed when she asked, “Why so early?”

“Frankly, I don’t think I want to watch you hang out with your boyfriend,” I said. “And it kind of seems useless for me to hang out with Gretchen.”

I could tell she didn’t want me to leave and that made me happy, but I saw no point in staying if we couldn’t be together.

“Okay, then I guess I won’t see you again until class on Monday. Want to be my partner? I know we still need to cover Making Connections.”

“I’m pretty sure we just made one,” I replied and even in the darkness of night, I could see her beautiful smile and I was happy because I knew I was the reason behind it.

14 I Don’t Want To Be Alright

Claire

The moment I returned, Payton pulled me off to the side, which wasn’t necessary considering how wasted Forbes and his pals were, and began questioning me about my secret rendezvous in the woods with Jessie.

“So, how did it go? I was right, wasn’t I? He wants you,” she said, so sure of herself.

I remembered how close his face was to mine and chills radiated down my body. “He was so close to my face I could feel the warmth of his breath on my mouth, but he didn’t kiss me. He told me that he wouldn’t until I asked him to.”

“I knew he wanted you,” she beamed, then lightly shoved my shoulder. “Why didn’t you ask him to kiss you, dummy?”

“I don’t know, maybe something about asking a guy to kiss me when my boyfriend is standing 50 yards away didn’t exactly feel right to me,” I explained.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right. That could qualify as a little bit on the sketchy side,” she admitted.

“Ya, think?” I asked.

“I probably would have done it,” she confessed.

“Yeah, I have no doubt you would have.”

I looked back over my shoulder at Jessie getting into his truck, then looked at Forbes’ drunk ass and there was no decision to be made. There wasn’t enough tolerance juice in those kegs for me to stay and deal with a wasted, horny Forbes the rest of the night. From the looks of it, I had about one minute before the only interesting thing here tonight left in an old, junked out truck.

“Forbes and Cooper are trashed and I don’t feel like babysitting so I’m gonna take off. Do you think you could cover for me with Forbes and get my car home for me?”

“Sure, but it might be in the morning, depending on how things go here.”

I gave her a hug and said, “No problem and thanks, Payton. You’re a sweetheart.”

“If your car is staying here, how are you getting home and what am I supposed to tell Forbes?”

“I’m gonna catch a ride with Jessie so I can work on the plan. You know…strike while the iron is hot. Just make something up to tell Forbes. He’s too trashed to know the difference and you can text me later so we can get our stories straight.”

I heard Jessie start the loud motor to his truck and I knew I had to hurry. “I’ll call you tomorrow and tell you everything.”

I began running when I saw Jessie’s truck back out of the spot where it was parked. It begin to slowly creep forward, but I caught up with him and knocked on the driver’s side window to get his attention. After stopping the truck, he rolled his window down. “Is something wrong?”

“No, everything’s fine, but I was wondering if I could catch a ride with you? I mean…if it’s not too far out of your way?”

“Sure, I can drive you home.” As I begin to walk around to the passenger side of the truck, he stopped me. “Wait.”

He got out of the truck to walk me around to the passenger’s side. He opened the door for me and I climbed in quickly in hopes of not being seen. I was simultaneously nervous and excited about where my risky move was going to take me as my heart raced and my stomach fluttered.

I watched him walk around the front of the truck with the headlights beaming on him. He was so different from Forbes. He was wearing faded jeans and a black T-shirt with scrolling designs on it-nothing like the preppy clothes all the guys at school wore. The design on his shirt reminded me of the tattoo on his arm and I quickly looked to see if I could catch a glimpse of his ink. He was too quick for me and I missed my opportunity.

He got back in and I heard his door screech as he pulled it closed. He put the truck in drive and began to pull forward. As he slowly drove ahead, we left the world behind us and I knew this was going to change everything.

When he got to the edge of the property where it met the road, he stopped and asked which direction I wanted him to go. I knew I wasn’t ready for him to take me home. “Are you in a hurry to get home?”

He laughed at me and said, “No. I don’t have a curfew. Do I need to hurry to get you home on time?”

His concern about my curfew amused me. “No, I don’t have to be home anytime soon.”

“So which way do you want me to go?”

He couldn’t take me anywhere that would have been more exciting than in his truck with him at this moment. “Surprise me.”

“Don’t say that unless you mean it,” he warned.

“I do mean it. Take me anywhere you want.”

I could see his handsome face by the dim dashboard lights and he broke into a big smile, not his normal mischievous grin. “Okay. I’m going to surprise you, but remember you asked for it.”

He pulled out onto the road and my heart was beating so hard I could hear it in my ears and the more I concentrated on it, the more nervous I became. I reached for the radio, hoping some music might distract me, but didn’t know how to turn it on. “Can we turn on some music?”

He reached and turned a knob. “Sure. You can look for a station you like.”

“What kind of stereo is this?”

“The poor people kind. It’s original to the truck so it’s no satellite radio, but it still works.” He pointed to the knob on the right. “You twist this one to tune in the radio station.”

I began to turn the knob and the first song I found was a new one by a country band with a hit on the pop charts. Although I didn’t care for country music, I liked the song so I left it.

“Country music fan?” he quizzed.

“Not at all, but I do like this song. It’s sweet. It’s about the kind of love everyone wants to find.” I hope that didn’t make him feel awkward. Maybe I shouldn’t have said that, but the beer I drank had my tongue a little loose. Surely, that made my statement qualify for drunken immunity.

“I’m not into country music either, but I like this one, too.”

Forgetting it was a surprise, I asked, “Where are we going?”

“You told me to surprise you. If I told you, then it wouldn’t be a surprise now, would it?” He loved taunting me.

“What about a clue?”

He thought it over for a second and said, “It’s not in Franklin and I spent a lot of time there when I was a kid.”

I didn’t know much about him, but I could only make one assumption based on that information. “You’re taking me to Collinsville, aren’t you?”

“I’m not telling you because it’s a surprise,” he teased.

It was about a 15 minute drive to our destination and we talked nonstop on the way. I got the impression Jessie didn’t want to share much about his personal life, but I could tell he was taking me to a place that held a special place in his heart even if he didn’t say so.

He pulled into a parking lot outside what appeared to be a park. “I have two places I want to show you.”

“At the park?”

“The first place is at the park.”

I reached for my door handle and he said, “Wait, let me,” as he got out of the truck and came around to open my door.

After I got out, he shut my door and I said, “You can be pretty unassholeish when you want to be so I think I might need to find a new name for you.”

“I’m all for that, but you’re keeping your name. I could never think of you as anything else but Princess.” I liked that he had a special name for me that only he used.

He took my hand in his and his touch ignited an excitement in me I never felt with Forbes. He led me toward a children’s playground and stopped in front of a large play set. “Do you see a common theme?” When I looked puzzled, he asked, “Perhaps something we recently discussed?”

I looked around at the playground and saw swings, slides and jungle gyms, but nothing was ringing a bell for me.

“It may be difficult to see because it’s dark, but look over there and see if anything registers with you.”

I looked in the direction he pointed to and it suddenly hit me. “Oh, I see now. It’s a castle.”

“Yes, and this was my kingdom when I was growing up. I always tried to talk one of the girls on the playground into being my princess, but they always refused. I guess I’ve showed them. I resorted to bringing in a Princess from another kingdom.”

I felt strangely playful. “Will you give me the tour?”

“Absolutely.”

We climbed into the inside of the play set, but had to crouch down because it so short. Once inside, he pointed to the corner and said, “That’s where I had my first kiss.”

“What was her name so I’ll know who to be jealous of?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know. She was a cute blond and that was all I needed to know.”

“Oh, so you prefer blonds? I see how you are,” I joked.

“There wasn’t any cute little auburn haired girls, so what was I supposed to do? I was only eight. What did I know? I started smoking when I was twelve, so I think we have established I wasn’t the brightest kid.”

We hung out in the castle talking for about an hour, then he said, “This has been fun, but there’s somewhere else I’d like to take you. Is that alright?”

I would gladly go anywhere he wanted to take me as long as I was with him. “Sure.”

We left the park and he drove out to an open field and parked out in the middle. He left the key rolled back so we could listen to the radio and said, “You’re wondering why we’re in the middle of this field, aren’t you?”

“Kind of. There’s nothing here.”

He pointed to his temple. “There is. You just can’t see it because it’s all in my head.” He reached across the cab, took my hand and pulled me across the bench seat toward him. I thought he was going to kiss me, but he opened his door to step out of the truck and I remembered what he said. He wouldn’t kiss me until I asked him to.

“This place is much more significant because this is where I learned to play football. It’s a practice field now, but this used to be Collinsville’s football field a long time ago. I think I may have spent half my life right here learning how to throw a football.”

“Looks like the practice paid off, mister starting quarterback.”

“Playing football means something different for me than it does for the rest of the team. It isn’t a popularity contest for me. It’s my chance at a football scholarship. Since you have stolen my chance at being valedictorian, football is my backup plan.”

I sat in the driver’s seat facing Jessie while he propped against the open door. One of my favorite songs ironically came on the radio and the beer I drank still had me feeling a little brave so I said, “Dance with me.”

“What? You want me to dance with you on a football field?”

I slid to the edge of the driver’s seat. “Yeah, why not? We already look goofy enough sitting out here doing nothing and I don’t think we have an audience, but it’s fine if you don’t want to.”

His mischievous smile reappeared and he asked, “Who said I didn’t want to?” He reached for my hands and pulled me from his truck, then led me a few steps away. He took my right hand in his and pulled me close around my waist.

We moved to the slow tempo of the music while the almost full moon danced upon us. He was a good dancer and I loved the way he held me close as he led me to follow him. I giggled at my thought because I felt I would follow him anywhere if only he asked me to.

He pulled away slightly and said, “I haven’t heard this song in a long time. What’s the name of it?”

I knew the song like the back of my hand and didn’t hesitate in answering, “Kiss me.”

“I thought you’d never ask.” He let go of my hand and waist and placed both hands on my face, pulling me closer for our first kiss, but he didn’t start at my lips. He began by teasing me on my neck below my ear and my whole body began to tingle. I drew a deep breath because I was lightheaded and he moved lower on my neck, then around to the other side. When he was finished torturing me there, he moved his lips across my jaw toward my lips and his breathing deepened. I felt his warm breath across my face and he wanted to kiss me hard when my breathing began to match his, but I teased him by holding my lips over his and pulling back each time he advanced. It drove him crazy and when he could no longer take it, he suddenly pulled me so close I was unable to escape. And I didn’t want to.

I smiled against his lips. “You tricked me. You said you wouldn’t kiss me until I asked you to.”

“Hey, I was just doing what you told me to. I know how a Princess can throw a fit when she doesn’t get her way.”

I walked backwards, pulling him by the hands and leaned against his truck. “Now I’m telling you to do it again.”

He kissed my forehead, then each of my cheeks and finally my mouth. He took my breath again and deepened our kiss when he heard my desperate intake of air. I wrapped my arms around him tightly, pulling his body hard against mine and pressed my breasts against him.

The way he made me feel was insane, like I would let him do anything he wanted to me in this moment. I rested my head back against the truck, giving him full access to my neck and he said, “Claire, I need a minute.” He pulled away from me and ran his hand through his hair while taking a deep breath.

I watched him turn away from me. “Are you alright?”

He stood with his back to me, his hands on his hips while looking up at the night sky. “Yeah, but you may not be if I don’t stop now.”

His words ignited an excitement in me after I understood his meaning and I realized I didn’t want to be alright if it meant he had to stop. As I leaned against his truck and looked at his back, I knew this was not about retaliation or part of a plan and I was eager to see where it would go.

“Can I see you tomorrow?” I asked softly.

“I’m working all day. What about tomorrow night?”

Ugh! My family had plans with the Hendersons. “I have plans I can’t break. What about Sunday?”

He finally turned back around. “I have plans I can’t break.”

It became apparent that seeing him again this weekend wasn’t in the cards. “What about Monday at second period? Want to be my partner?”

He laughed and said, “It’s a date.”

He didn’t kiss or touch me again, but I wanted him to and I thought seriously about telling him to pull over on the drive to my house so he could show me how he could make me not alright.

He parked on the street in front of my house and I wanted to ask him to come inside because neither of my parents were home, but giving him that invitation was clearly an invite for something else. I reminded myself I still had a boyfriend and what Jessie would think of me if I did what it was I wanted to do right now.

I wanted to stay in his truck and talk the rest of the night, but he had told me he had to work the next day, so I knew I had to let him leave. “I had a wonderful time tonight.”

“I did, too.”

I waited, but he didn’t make a move to kiss me. I reached for my door handle and said, “I’ll guess I’ll see you on Monday.”

He put his index finger up, cueing me to wait. He walked around the truck and opened my door for me as he had all night. “See you on Monday.”

I reluctantly walked away without kissing him since he didn’t make the move. I guess he was afraid it would start something we couldn’t stop. He waited until I was inside the house to drive away and I leaned against the door thinking about our night together. I touched my lips and remembered the way I felt when his lips were there. There were many uncertainties except one-I was in a beautiful mess.

15 Spooked

Jessie

Somewhere between Point A and Point B, something had gone astray. I thought screwing Claire to make Forbes mad was the perfect vengeance against him, but something had changed along the way. I didn’t want to genuinely want her, but I did. I never intended on getting emotional involved, but as I drove away from her I realized my heart didn’t care much about what my intentions had been because they were entirely different now.

She thought I pulled away from her because I was on the verge of ravishing her. I was, but that wasn’t why I needed to get away from her so badly. She had me wanting her in a different kind of way-one I wasn’t good enough for and one that required I give more of myself that I was willing to give up about myself.

The way she was freely giving herself to me had me spooked. There. I admitted it.

After I got home, I laid in my bed remembering the taste of her skin and the way she encouraged me to take what I wanted more than breath in my lungs. I knew I had lost sight of the prize when I thought about making love to her, instead of screwing her so I could rub it in Forbes’ face.

I needed to get a grip. To have a girl like Claire meant sharing things I wasn’t willing to share. I couldn’t risk letting my past become known because I couldn’t bear seeing myself as what I truly was in her eyes.

I was preoccupied with her and the memories of our time together when I was at work on Saturday. Earl saw the change in me and asked me what I had going on to make me so quiet. I told him I was thinking about football, but it was an auburn haired girl that stole all of my thoughts.

As I worked underneath a truck, I dropped a wrench on my head for the third time and Earl yelled, “Out!” I slid from under the vehicle, curious to why he yelled at me because he never had before, and looked at him waiting to hear what the problem was.

“You’re going to put your eye out if you keep dropping that heavy wrench on your face. I know something is going on, so give it up. Has Rita done something to you?”

He would be furious if he knew she had me selling dope for her, but that wasn’t the reason for my distraction. “No, Rita is being Rita.”

“Then, what’s going on? I know something’s wrong because you can’t even tighten a bolt without giving yourself a concussion.”

Earl had been the only stable thing in my life since ever, but we had never talked about girls and I didn’t really know how to broach the subject. When I didn’t say anything, he asked, “It’s a girl, isn’t it?”

I guess he knew me better than I thought. “Yeah, it’s all about a girl alright; one that’s too good for me.”

He narrowed his eyes in defense of me. “Who says she’s too good for you?”

I sat up and said, “Anyone you ask.”

He put his hands on his hips as he stood over me. “What about her? What does she say?”

I wasn’t going to tell him the part about her having a boyfriend. “She says she wants to try things between us to see where it goes.”

“And that’s a problem for you?”

I couldn’t disappoint him by telling him I planned to use the girl against her boyfriend, so I skipped that part and went straight to the other issue at hand. “She’s not like me. We’re cut from a different cloth and it would never work out because she would hightail it when she found out the truth about me.”

“What is the truth about you?” he challenged.

“I’m not good enough for her. He’s beautiful and smart and rich, so there’s no need in trying it.”

“Sounds to me like you aren’t giving her much credit and I suspect she deserves a little more if she said she wants to try things with you. I think you’re being very closed minded because you don’t want to get hurt, but you’ll never know if things could work out if you don’t give it try.”

I knew this song and dance. The counselor I spent the summer seeing after the incident told me I had a complex about letting people in. She called it my defense mechanism.

“You can’t spend your life unwilling to take a chance on people. Everyone you meet in your life isn’t like Twyla and Rita. There are kind people in the world and it sounds like this girl wants to show you a little kindness. Maybe you should let her. If it didn’t work out, it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world.”

Maybe he was a little bit right. “I’ll think about it.”

As Earl walked away, he said, “Well, think about after you get off work, otherwise you might put yourself in a coma if you drop that wrench on your head one more time.”

I slid back under the truck and returned to work, making no promise I couldn’t keep because I knew my thoughts would only be of Claire.

I left work after managing to repair the truck without knocking myself in the head with a tool more than two other times. When I got to Rita’s trailer, I saw several cars in the yard and knew that meant they would be partying at her place tonight. I went inside and grabbed a change of clothes without saying a word and took off to Dane’s house, hoping to find him at home.

His mom answered the door and welcomed me inside. “Hi, Jessie. Dane is in his room. You can go up if you’d like.”

“Thanks, Mrs. Wickham.” She was a nice lady. Dane liked to complain about how she babied him, but he had no idea how lucky he was; I’d love to have a mother that coddled me rather than put me to work selling dope.

I went up the stairs with my change of clothes in my hand and knocked on Dane’s bedroom door. When he opened the door, he started laughing. “Dude, what’s with the grease monkey getup?”

“I had to work today and I know it’s a little weird to show up and ask, but could I bum a shower off ya?”

“No problem.” I walked in his room and he sat on his bed. I remained standing because I didn’t want to sit in my dirty work clothes. “Got a hot date with Gretchen?”

“No way!” I looked at him like he had lost his mind. “I’m done with that chick.”

“You mean you done her?” he laughed.

I put my hands up and said, “Nooo. I’m not touching that with ten foot pole.”

“What happened to you last night? One minute you were there, then the next you were gone.”

I debated telling Dane about being with Claire. I suspected he liked her because he acted so protective of her, but decided to confide in him anyway. “I was with Claire.”

His mouth dropped open. “No way, dude.”

“I was leaving and she asked me to drive her home. We ended up talking until two o’clock this morning when I took her home.”

He shook his head at me. “You could have been banging Gretchen, but you were talking to Claire until two o’clock in this morning? You must really want to get at Forbes bad if you gave up getting laid.”

“It wasn’t like that. I ditched Gretchen before I knew Claire wanted a ride because I didn’t want to get with her.”

“You lucky, bastard. Claire Deveraux likes you and you like her back. It has nothing to do with this thing between you and Forbes. You’ve been fronting all along.”

I felt vulnerable, allowing Dane to know how I felt about Claire, but it was a secret I didn’t want to keep from my only friend. “She ask me to give her time to explore this thing between us before she breaks up with Forbes and I agreed, but I don’t know if I can stand to see them together after what happened between us last night.”

“What do you mean? What happened between the two of you?” he asked.

He could forget getting the details. “Things between us got pretty intense and that’s all I’m going to say about it.”

He sat in amazement and said, “This could really happen. You and Claire might get together.”

If I didn’t know how crazy it sounded, I might have been pissed at him for being shocked about the possibility of Claire and I being together. His reaction caused self doubt to flood me and I immediately began to backpedal. “Nah, it’s never going to happen. She won’t break up with him for me.”

“I think you’re wrong. Claire wouldn’t have left with you and got intense with you if it wasn’t a possibility. I think you give yourself too little credit.”

Dane was encouraging me to hope for something that would never happen, but it was a lesson I learned early in life-don’t allow myself to hope because it was life’s cruel joke of lifting you higher before dropping you flat on your ass.

“I guess we’ll see.”

“I guess we will, but you need to go get a shower, dude. If Claire smelled you right now, she’d run the other way. You stink.”

Working around motor oil was a job hazard. “Thanks, I didn’t know that.”

“If you smell better when you come out of the shower, you can hang with me and Harrison tonight.”

“Okay, that sounds cool.”

16 Many Shades of Black

Claire

Payton called first thing Saturday morning and I half lied to her. I didn’t tell her the part about staying out with Jessie until two in the morning or the part about nearly jumping him under the moonlight, but I did tell her I made some leeway so she wouldn’t be suspicious if he seemed a little more friendly with me.

I spent Saturday night with my parents and the Hendersons, while trying to avoid being alone with Forbes. He knew something wasn’t right, but I found myself not caring and spent the night being preoccupied with thoughts of the night I shared with Jessie.

When the next day came, I still had Jessie on my mind and I thought about the plans he had for the day and couldn’t break. I wondered if they included a girl and I felt a spark of jealousy. I tried to not become fixated on it, but if I had a way of finding out where he lived, I confess I would have stalked him to find out.

I was glad when Monday finally arrived, so I could see him again. I beat him to class and took the seat guaranteed to make him my partner for the hour. We had covered five of the six ingredients, so today left Making Connections and I smiled to myself with the thought of the connection we had already made.

I waited anxiously for him to enter the classroom, and when he finally did, my heart skipped a beat because he looked at me and smiled, reassuring me he didn’t regret the time we spent together.

The desks were arranged differently today, in groups of two, and he took the seat facing me.“Hey, you.”

He put his backpack down and said, “Hey, Princess. Did you have a good weekend?”

“I had a fabulous weekend.” I was counting my night with him as the fabulous part. “And yours?

He smiled and it was beautiful. “It had a strong start, but sort of went downhill from that point. I’m feeling a little optimistic and I hold out hope that this week will be better.”

I raised an eyebrow and said, “Have you asked the almighty 8 Ball? I guarantee it will have an answer for you.”

He leaned in toward me and softly said,“No, I thought I’d ask you instead.”

I knew what his meaning was, but I wanted to hear him say the words. “Ask me what?”

His voice was so soft. “If you would spend some time with me again. I’m pretty sure we still have some exploring to do.”

Yeah, we had much exploring to do and I was looking forward to it. “Yes, I’d like that very much.”

Mrs. Tanner shut the classroom door and told us we would be finishing up with our last creative ingredient today. She gave us our assignment envelope and I pushed it in Jessie’s direction. “You read the assignment today.”

He opened it and read aloud, “Making or seeing connections is bringing together seemingly unrelated ideas, objects or events in a way that leads to new understanding. Making connections is at the heart of learning. Figuring out what’s the same, what’s different and making unusual connections is at the core of creativity. To better acquaint yourself with your partner, compile a list of similarities and differences and compare them. There’s a suggestion list if you’d like to see it.”

I reached to take the list. I allowed my fingers to graze his and was reminded of his touch and the way it made me feel. I looked into his eyes and I wanted to touch him again. With our desks facing and pushed together, I reached out to touch his hand behind the concealment of my backpack after I placed it on our desks between us. My touch surprised him and he squeezed my hand. I knew our touch could only last for a moment, but I took the chance because I desperately needed to feel his skin on mine.

Neither of us spoke, but we both smiled, then our hands parted ways.

I looked at the list of suggestions and read the one at the top of the list. “Compare our family dynamics.”

* * *

Jessie

Family dynamics was not something I would willingly share about myself with Claire. The real Jessie Boone was way too complicated and hearing about his life would be awkward and uncomfortable, so I decided to tell her things that were easy to hear.

I ask her to tell me about her perfect world first so I had time to create my fictitious life to portray a seemingly comfortable life that wouldn’t draw sympathy.

“I live with both of my parents and I am the youngest of three children. My dad is a physician, an OB-GYN, and my mom is a clinical psychologist. My brother, Ryan, is the oldest. He’s in medical school and my sister, Maggie, is a CRNA.”

I could tell her the truth-I lived with my dope dealing grandmother because my mother was shot and killed in a drug deal gone wrong. The same people that killed my mother in front of me then shot me and left me for dead while my two little brothers hid in a closet. Maybe her psychologist mom could help me figure out how to not be so screwed up after all I’ve been through. Maybe she’d even want to go with me on the rare occasions I got to see my little brothers at their foster parent’s house.

Nope. No way I was telling her the truth, so I began to weave my tale. “I live with both of my parents and I was the only one in the litter. My dad is a mechanic and runs a garage and body shop, so I know a lot about fixing vehicles, and my mom is a hairdresser.”

She reached up and touched the front of my hair. “Is that why you have great hair?”

I didn’t catch her meaning at first because I wasn’t thinking of my lie, then it dawned on me. “You think I have great hair?”

She began doodling on her loose leaf paper and smiled. “Moving on…compare your after graduation plans.”

Living in a family with a doctor, a psychologist, a medical student and a CRNA caused me to suspect one thing to come out of her mouth. “Let me guess-something in the medical field.”

She started laughing and said, “Hell, no. That would be the greatest epic fail of all time. I’d kill somebody my first day on the job.” Her face suddenly took on a very serious expression and I waited to hear how she planned to change the world with some kind of amazing goal in her profession. “I’m going to be a pole dancer.”

A brazen image of Claire formed in my mind. “Are you saying that to get me fantasizing about you on a pole? If that was your goal… mission accomplished.”

“I’m not a hater. I’m a congratulator. Although I am kidding about doing it professionally, I do plan to have a pole in my house because it’s an under appreciated art form.”

I swallowed hard and squeaked out, “Will you marry me?”

She laughed and dismissed my proposal, then said, “When I’m not dancing on my pole, I’m going to be a social worker.”

Wow. Not the words I expected to come out of her mouth. I had had my fair share of dealings with social workers and I knew for a fact they worked hard and made too little money for the crap they dealt with.

“Why a social worker?” In fact, why any profession that had the word worker in it because it always meant you were going too work hard for basically no money.

“Adoption holds a special place in my heart because my brother, sister and I were all adopted and I want to help kids needing good homes find them.”

Totally didn’t see that one coming.

“They got Ryan from Russia and Maggie from China. My parents thought their family was complete with a boy and girl and then I came along unexpectedly. The woman that gave birth to me dropped into the hospital where my father worked, pushed out a heroine addicted baby and left the premises. Because I was so sick, no one in the foster care system would take me. My parents were the only people that would take me.”

All this time, I thought she so different from me, but she wasn’t. Not really, except her outcome has turned out so much better than mine.

“Don’t look so sad, Jessie. My story has a happy ending. I’m okay.”

I wasn’t sad for her. I was mad with myself. She has shared a significant part of her life with me, something real, and I had fabricated a big, fat lie.

She poked me in the arm. “Please cheer up because the look on your face is really bringing me down.”

I forced a smile. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be a drag. I’m just surprised is all.”

Wanting to change the subject quickly, she smiled and asked, “So, what do you want to be when you grow up?”

The irony of what I wanted to do sometimes made me laugh hysterically at myself, but I wanted to lighten the mood first. “I’m going to be a tattoo artist. It’s an under appreciated art form, also. I became interested a few months ago when I got my first one.” I pulled my sleeve up so she could get a better view of my tat and asked, “What do you think?”

I expected her to tell me it was cool or something generic like that, but she reached out to touch my arm and said, “I love it.”

Her words combined with her touch set me on fire and I don’t think she could have turned me on more if she had flipped my on switch. Class was not where I wanted this to happen, so I tried to play it cool and move on to a less stimulating topic.

“When I’m not sticking needles and ink in people, I’m going to be an attorney, but not the sleazy kind. I want to prosecute the guilty, not defend them.”

She frowned. “That’s a real bummer. You’ll have to wear a suit and it’ll cover that little beauty up.”

“I might be mistaken for the criminal if I didn’t cover them.”

She studied the design and asked, “Are you going to get another one soon?”

I pointed to the area I planned on doing next. “Yeah, I’m going to take this part down closer to my elbow.”

She couldn’t have surprised me more by asking, “Can I go with you when you do it?”

I thought about her being with me while I got a tattoo and I wasn’t sure how it would make me feel, but I couldn’t wait to find out. “You can if you want. What about next week?

She briefly thought about it and said, “Perfect.”

I reached for her arm and pretended to examine her upper arm. “Do I need to make an appointment for two?”

She laughed as she pulled her arm away and said, “I’ll just be observing, but maybe next time.”

The rest of Humanities flew and so did History, but then Physics came and I had to endure Claire sitting with Forbes when I wanted her all to myself. At least they were sitting behind me so I didn’t have to look at them the whole time. I was still forced to hear them talking and it drove me crazy the whole hour wondering if he was touching her.

After surviving Physics and my other remaining classes, I went to the field for practice. Our first game was four days away, meaning Forbes had four days to try to take me out and I wondered if today was the day. I dressed out and reminded myself to be on guard, prepared for anything. I had to be mindful at all times to prevent myself from getting hurt.

After two hours of practice, we were wore out and I began to relax because I decided no one could possibly have the energy to try to blitz me. I turned to see Claire before the next play and watched her get tossed into the air much higher than I liked and my heart paused until I saw her feet safely on the ground again. I breathed a sigh of relief and then suddenly I saw many shades of black.

17 Stinger

Claire

Thirty more minutes of practice and I would be free to hopefully sneak away for a little time with Jessie if I could find a way to get rid of Forbes. I thought of the different scenarios and decided I might have to resort to the aid of my bestie, even if it meant lying to her.

My cheer partners gathered around me for another basket toss, but Payton was busy staring out onto the field, then I heard her ask, “Hey, what’s going on out there?”

I turned to see what she was referring to and saw the entire team crowded in a circle looking down. Coach Osborne and Coach Sheffield were on the ground and we realized a player was injured.

“Looks like somebody got smoked. Maybe it was Forbes,” Payton said hopefully.

Harrison came running from the group toward the field house, but didn’t answer when Payton asked what was going on. I looked back toward the crowd and saw Dane looking at me, then back toward the player on the ground. The second time I caught him looking in my direction, he motioned for me to come over.

I stood at the back of the crowd and Dane walked over to me. “It’s Jessie. He’s down and he’s not getting up. They can’t wake him up.”

I felt my heart begin to accelerate. “What do you mean he’s not waking up? He’s unconscious?”

“It’s been several minutes and no one can get him to open his eyes. Harrison went to call for an ambulance.”

I pushed through the crowd and saw him lying motionless on the ground with Coach Osborne next to him. Harrison returned with a cell phone and an emergency dispatcher on the other end. He held the phone to him and said, “Coach, they want to talk to you.”

Coach Osborne looked at me. “Claire, hold his hand and talk to him for me while I tell the dispatcher what happened.”

I didn’t know why he chose me because no one knew about my relationship with Jessie. I could only assume he thought a girl might do a better job of holding Jessie’s hand and talking to him. I didn’t care what his reason was as I dropped to my knees beside him because I was terrified of what had happened to him.

“Jessie, it’s Claire. Can you open your eyes for me?” I said and saw no response from him. “Jessie, try to open your eyes.”

I squeezed his hand and prayed silently for him to wake up, but he didn’t. I leaned closely to his ear and said, “Hey, you. It’s Princess and I want you to look at me.” When I pulled back to look at his face, I thought I saw a flutter in his lids, so I told him again, “This is Princess talking to you and I want you to open you eyes so you can see me. Let me see your eyes.”

This time when I raised up to look at his face, his beautiful pale blue eyes stared back at me. “Hey, you. Glad to see you back. You checked out on us for a few minutes.”

“What happened?” he asked me.

“I don’t know. I turned around and saw a crowd standing around you, then Dane had me to come over because you were knocked out cold.”

The crowd of players slowly began to disperse as they begin to see Jessie was alright.

“You scared me,” I whispered.

“It was a little bit scary to wake up with the entire team standing over me.”

I leaned closely, although the team had walked away, and said, “I know my heart must be a good one. If it wasn’t, I would have had a heart attack the minute I realized it was you on the ground. It took a couple of minutes of holding your hand and talking to you before you came around.”

His face took on a proud expression. “You talked to me and held my hand in front of everyone, including Forbes?”

“Yeah, silly. I did and I’m still talking to you and holding your hand in front of everyone, including Forbes.”

He tried to lift his head to look down. “I can’t feel you holding my hand.”

I squeezed his hand. “You can’t feel that?”

A worried look came over his face. “No, I can’t feel it all.”

I took my fingernails and pinched his skin, hard enough to leave an indention. “What about that?”

“Nope. Nothing.”

Realization began to form in my mind. “There’s an ambulance on the way. Don’t try to move at all, especially your head and neck.”

I saw the realization on his face and he said, “I’m scared, Princess. I can’t feel anything down my arm.”

“What about your leg?” I reached down to his right leg and pinched as hard as I could, terrified he would tell me he couldn’t feel it. “Ouch, that’s going to leave a mark.”

“Sorry.” I touched his arm, then his leg on the left side of his body. “Everything on the left side is alright?”

“Yeah, I think so.”

I put on my most confident smile and feigned a brave face, but felt pure terror on the inside and hoped he didn’t see it all over my face. “Don’t worry, it will all be fine.”

The ambulance arrived and a cervical collar was immediately placed on his neck, making this become a little too surreal. They started an IV and he didn’t flinch with the stick-not a good sign.

He looked up at me and said, “It’s not too bad getting a huge needle rammed into your arm when you can’t feel it.”

I smiled at his joke to reassure him, but I really wanted to cry instead.

Coach Osborne asked me to ride with Jessie in the ambulance and I spent the ride to the hospital holding his hand and reassuring him everything would be fine. When we arrived at the ER, a slew of medical staff surrounded him when he was inside and the only thing I could do was move out of their way. I thought of his parents and couldn’t believe it had not hit me sooner to contact them, but I didn’t know how and now was not the time to interrupt.

When they finished assessing him and the initial rush was over, I returned to his side.

“Your parents need to be called. I’ll do it if you’ll give me a number,” I offered.

He hesitated, then answered, “They’re out of town.”

“They still need to know what has happened. You need family to be here with you. Can I call a grandparent or a family friend?”

The way he looked at me was frightening because I didn’t know what it meant. “What’s wrong, Jessie?” I asked.

Before he could answer, two men came into the room and quickly transported him away to do tests and I was left alone, uncertain of what to do. I had no doubt that Coach Osborne and the team would be in the waiting room wanting an update, but I didn’t have answers, so I stayed in Jessie’s room waiting for him to return.

It felt like eternity while I sat there waiting and praying. I imagined every possible scenario, but every one of them ended in the same thought. I cursed at myself for not being more optimistic, but it was hard when I knew he couldn’t feel anything.

After what seemed like a lifetime later, he finally returned from his tests. When the staff left and it was the two of us, he said, “I started feeling my arm while they were running tests and I can move it now. See?”

I looked down and he was reaching for my hand. I couldn’t move fast enough as I reached to take it in mine.

“You can feel me?” I asked after I lifted it to my face and rubbed it along my cheek.

“I can. My whole arm burns like hell, but at least I can feel it,” he said, optimistically.

I squeezed it tightly. “And this?”

“Yes.”

I moved up his arm to his tattoo and slid my nails done his arm. “And that?”

“Yep.”

Relief flooded me and I leaned forward and placed my forehead against his. I closed my eyes and thanked God for allowing him to be okay.

“I was so scared,” I finally admitted.

He reached up and rested his hand on the back of my neck, holding me so I couldn’t pull away and said, “I know. I was, too. I thought my arm was paralyzed for sure.”

I kissed his mouth while tears rolled down my face. I had things I wanted to say, but couldn’t because I was so overcome with relief.

I heard someone clear their voice from the doorway and I turned around to see my father standing there bewildered. Shit.

“I was in between cases and heard you were down here with a friend, so I thought I would check in on you. Is everything alright?”

I wiped the tears from my face after I pulled my hand from Jessie’s.

“Dad, this is Jessie Boone. We go to school together. He took a hit on the field today and was unconscious for a while. When he came to, he couldn’t feel his arm, but the feeling is coming back now.”

He looked at me like he knew we were more than classmates. “Sounds like you got a stinger. It should be fine with no permanent damage if you’re already regaining feeling. If that’s what it turns out to be, then you’re very lucky and I know Coach Osborne will be relieved.”

“Yes, sir. I’m considering myself very lucky right now.”

My father’s eyes floated to Jessie’s tattoo peeking out from his hospital gown and I winced internally. This was not the way I would have wanted my dad to meet Jessie and I felt relief when I heard his pager alarm.

He looked down at it and said, “I’ve got a patient going on the table, so I need to run. It was nice to meet you, Jessie, and I’ll see you at home later, Claire.”

“Nice to meet you, Dr. Deveraux and thank you for checking in on me,” Jessie said.

When my dad was gone, I realized I had been holding my breath and I heard Jessie exhale deeply.

He looked at me and said, “Whoa, that was awkward, Princess. I’m not too good at doing the parent thing.”

“I’m sorry,” I apologized. “That’s not how I would have planned that.”

He smiled and asked, “Does that mean you would want me to meet your parents?”

The thought of Jessie coming to my house to meet my family stirred butterflies in my stomach, both from nervousness and excitement.“Of course, I would want you to meet my parents if we started dating. Wouldn’t you want me to eventually meet yours if we became a couple?”

There it was again-that strange look on his face and he avoided answering my question by saying, “I suggest you begin to think about how you’re going to explain to your father about why you were making out with me.”

“I was not making out with you,” I argued.

“I bet it didn’t look that way to your father from where he stood,” he pointed out.

He was right. I had some explaining to do, but first I had to decide. Would I choose the safe and comfortable thing by staying with Forbes to keep from rocking the boat or choose Jessie with a potentially explosive outcome?

18 A Tangled Web

Jessie

Although the circumstances were only hypothetical, hearing Claire speak about us being a couple did strange things to my insides. I should have been thinking and plotting how to take Forbes down for what he did to me, but I forgot about vengeance when I looked at Claire because my feelings for her overruled my desire to hurt Forbes. I didn’t want her out of revenge against her boyfriend. I wanted her because I had fallen in love with her and now I had to figure out how to convince her she belonged with me instead of him.

I heard the sliding of the exam curtain and looked up to see the emergency room doctor entering my room. “Mister Boone, the nurses tell me that you have regained feeling in your arm. That’s great news and it reassures me that your injury is mostly likely what we refer to as a stinger. We see it fairly often in athletes.”

“What exactly is it that happens when you get a stinger?” I asked.

He demonstrated by moving his own head and neck as he explained, “It can happen one of two ways. Either your head and neck were forced against your shoulder and the nerves that lead from the spinal cord to that arm were compressed, or your head and neck were forced away from the shoulder and those nerves were stretched. Both are considered minor and I expect you to make a full recovery, but it could have been a devastating injury had it occurred to your left shoulder because of it’s previous extensive trauma.”

If I was going to be alright, I only had one question on my mind. “When can I get back on the field?”

He laughed at my eagerness. “You should probably take tomorrow off from practice, then you may resume playing on Wednesday. I want to observe you a couple of more hours and if everything still looks alright, then I think we can let you go home.”

“Thank you, doc.”

Before he left, he told me, “You’re welcome and I’m glad it didn’t turn out to be more serious. You’re a lucky young man.”

I was lucky, but if Forbes knew the damage he could cause to my other shoulder, I might not have been quite so lucky.

I knew it was coming, so I wasn’t surprised when she asked, “What kind of trauma have you had?”

Even if the doctor hadn’t mentioned my injury, I knew Claire would have seen the significant scarring when my jersey was cut off by the EMTs. I didn’t want her to know I had been shot or the circumstances leading up to it, so I lied, “I tore the rotator cuff in my left shoulder and I’ve had to have some extensive surgery to repair it. The guys don’t know and I want to keep it that way because as you heard, it could be used against me.”

“Trust me, I can keep a secret,” she promised and I took her at her word. “Was it painful?”

“Let’s just say that I don’t recommend it.”

She looked down at her watch and said, “If you’re getting released in a couple of hours, I think I should call Payton and see if she will drive my car here so I can take you home.”

There was no way that was happening. Claire would never come within ten miles of where I lived if I had anything to do with it.

“I think I should call Earl. He keeps an eye on me when my parents are out of town and I probably should have called him already, but I wasn’t thinking right when we first got to the hospital.”

“Who’s Earl?” she questioned.

“He’ my boss at the garage.”

I remembered telling her I had a job, but I didn’t recall telling her where and I wondered if she would think less of me because I worked in a garage.

“Oh, at your dad’s garage?” she asked.

Oops. I had forgotten about that one. I was beginning to understand that old saying about ‘oh what a tangled web we weave’ because one lie was leading to another. “Yeah, he’s probably going to be pissed and I don’t want to make things worse by not calling him for a ride.”

“Sure, I don’t want you to be in trouble with Earl or your parents.”

Claire kept me company during my two hour observation period, then the nurse came in to take out my IV. I knew it wouldn’t be long until I was released, so I decided it was time to call Earl for a lift.

Claire had stepped out to the waiting room to give Coach Osborne and the team my update and Earl entered my room as I finished signing release papers.

“Jessie, you should have called me when this happened,” he scolded.

“Everything happened so fast and I wasn’t thinking clearly when I got here. I took a pretty hard lick, but they say I’m going to be fine.” I held my hand up to prove I had full use of it. “I’ve already got all the feeling back, see?”

“I still wish you had called. Someone should have been with you.”

“I wasn’t alone. Claire was with me the whole time except for when I went for tests,” I corrected.

Claire walked through the door just in time to hear Earl ask, “Is Claire the girl you couldn’t stop thinking about when you almost broke your face with the wrench?”

I winced because I knew I’d be explaining that one later and said, “Yes sir, the same girl that’s standing behind you now.”

There was only time for a brief introduction between Earl and Claire before my nurse returned with a wheelchair to take me to the exit. “Do I have to ride in that? I’m able to walk fine.”

She gave me an understanding smile. “How ‘bout I have the ambassador walk you out?”

Earl went out to get the truck and an older woman led me and Claire to the discharge exit through the waiting room where I expected to be bombarded, but saw no one from school.

“I sent them all away. I told them it would be hours before you were released, but you were okay and they shouldn’t worry. I hope that’s alright,” she explained.

“It’s more than alright because I was not looking forward to being mobbed with questions.” I reached for her hand and said, “I could kiss you.”

“And I could let you, but we’re in the middle of the emergency room waiting area,” she reminded me.

The ambassador wished me her best as she deposited us at the exit, then Claire and I stood under the awning waiting for Earl. Payton pulled up with a screeching halt to get Claire and looked irritated. “Is she okay? She’s looking pretty annoyed.”

“She’s impatient, so waiting is not her thing.”

“Tell her I’m sorry I was temporarily paralyzed. Didn’t mean to ruin her evening.” I said sarcastically.

She shook her head, obviously not worried about Payton. “She’ll get over it. Is there anything I can take care of for you? I can drive your truck home or pick you up for school in the morning.”

It was a shame I couldn’t allow myself to become too close to her because she sure was making it easy. I declined her offer by saying, “Nah, Earl will take me by the field to get my truck, so I’m good, but thanks for the offer.”

We said our goodbyes when Earl pulled up and I took comfort in knowing I’d see her again in under eleven hours.

When morning arrived, thoughts of Claire had robbed me of sleep. There was no mistaking the incredible chemistry between us, but this wasn’t about the sexual attraction. I knew what that felt like and this was so much more-something I had never experienced in my life. Seeing the way she hung in there with me yesterday when she believed I was paralyzed hit home for me. She stayed.

I went to the kitchen to get breakfast, but Rita wasn’t sitting at the table and I was glad since my injury and trip to the hospital kept me from peddling her dope for her. I got ready as fast as I could without making too much noise and shot out the door before she busted me.

I got to school early, so I parked and pulled out a cigarette. I flicked the lighter and laughed to myself as I thought about the day Claire told me I didn’t care about my health and asked me if I was too weak to stop smoking. I put the cigarette away as I considered reasons to quit and knew I would never find a better one than Claire.

I popped the first piece of gum for the day into my mouth and cracked my calculus book while I waited for the hands of the clock to turn. Students eventually began to arrive at school and I saw Payton pull into the parking lot. I was briefly excited until I remembered Claire wouldn’t be with her. I turned my attention back to the math before me, then heard a knock on the window of my passenger door.

I turned toward the passenger door to see Payton, then leaned over to lift the lock. She swung the door open and got into my truck without waiting for permission or an invitation.

“Please, join me,” I said as I motioned with my hand for her to have a seat although she was already inside. “Is there something I may help you with?”

“Yeah, I’m glad I ran into you because I need to talk to you in private about Claire.”

I stated the obvious. “I don’t think it’s going to get much more private than this. Is something up?”

“Are you falling for Claire?” she boldly asked.

I didn’t know how much Payton knew or if she knew anything at all, so I wasn’t sure which way to go with an answer to her question. “Why do you want to know?”

“Look, I’m her best friend, so I know you’ve agreed to try things out, but I need to know if I should encourage this relationship or not. If you’re using her to get at Forbes, then it stops here. If you’re truly falling for her, then that’s a different story entirely. She’s into you, but I won’t sit back and watch her get hurt.”

I didn’t answer her immediately because I couldn’t. Admitting feelings and emotions simply wasn’t my thing.

She searched my face for the answer to her question. “You are, aren’t you?”

I shrugged and played dumb. “What?”

She sounded so astonished when she said, “You don’t have to tell me because I can see it. You’re genuinely falling for Claire. It’s not a game for you.”

I didn’t deny her claim, proving her allegation. I felt myself growing very vulnerable, but in a good way.

Payton was the only person, besides Claire, that could answer the question on my mind and I decided to stop hiding behind the wall of protection I had build around my self. “Am I crazy for thinking I could have a chance with her?”

19 Shut the Front Door

Claire

I didn’t make it completely out of homeroom’s doorway before Payton jerked me up and pulled me to the corner in the hallway. “You little sly slut puppy. I am extraordinarily proud of you.”

“What? Am I missing something here?”

“I knew you could get Jessie Boone to lust after you and I had hoped you could get him to want to date you, but I never dreamed you would get him to fall for you. Congratulations. The power you hold over him is crazy awesome good. I can’t believe how you exceeded my expectations. This is such a tattooable moment. No punt intended.”

I was caught off guard. “He has not fallen for me. Why would you think that?”

“Because I talked to him this morning and got the official status,” she squealed.

I gave her a hard shove and she stumbled backwards. “Shut the front door. Where, when, how, why? I need all the details.”

“I caught him in the parking lot by himself this morning and I told him I needed to talk to him about you. See what being prompt can get you, Claire. Anyway…when I asked him if he was falling for you, he didn’t answer me. I told him I could tell he was and he didn’t deny it. Then, he asked me if he had a chance with you.”

“And your response was?” I anxiously asked.

“Of course, I told him to go for it because you liked him. Claire, this couldn’t be going more perfectly if I orchestrated it myself.”

“You did orchestrate it yourself,” I reminded her, then recalled how I was the one that asked her to formulate the plan in the start.

She cackled and proudly said, “I know.”

Payton and I were both thrilled with Jessie’s feelings toward me for completely different reasons. I knew he liked me and was attracted to me, but knowing he was falling for me made me feel something so different.

I spent first period feeling anxious about seeing Jessie and was saddened when I remembered that we had finished our partner assignments with the creative ingredients. I would miss that special time alone with him as we became better acquainted with one another.

When I entered Humanities, I knew we wouldn’t be partnering up because the desks had been rearranged into a circle instead of groups of two. I took my seat and a minute later, Jessie was at my side in the seat next to me.

“Hey, Princess.”

“Hey, you. The arms’s still good?” I reached out to touch his arm, partly because I needed him to tell me he felt my touch, but also because I couldn’t resist feeling my skin against his.

He smiled and said, “Good as new.”

“I’m so glad. I thought about you all night. I mean… I was worried about your arm.”

“I thought about you all night, but it wasn’t your arm I was thinking about.”

His words sent me into orbit. “Tell me how you were thinking about me.”

“I would think that Payton had already told you. She had a certain ‘run and tell that’ look on her face when she got out of my truck this morning.

I laughed and didn’t confirm or deny what Payton had told me about their conversation and I hoped it drove him crazy with the desire to know.

Mrs. Tanner began class and announced we would spend the next few days in the library doing some research on the meaning of the lyrics behind Billy Joel’s song ‘We Didn’t Start the Fire.’ Since partnering was encouraged, I couldn’t be happier.

We entered the library and both of us walked toward the back and sat at a table with a computer off to it’s itself in an inconvenient location so we could be hidden from the others. “This is secluded. I could take advantage of you and no one would know.”

I raised an eyebrow at him. “You promise?”

He put his hand on my knee and gently squeezed. “I’m talking about stealing your answers from Billy’s song lyrics, you little dirty girl.”

I loved the game of naughty insinuation that we played. “We do have an assignment, so I guess we should get on it.”

He smiled that mischievous smile that belonged only to him. I loved it. “Yes, we should get it on. I mean…get on it. The assignment, that is.”

I playfully slapped his leg. “You are the dirty one here.”

After we began to search for the meaning of the lyrics, I caught Jessie staring at me like he was mesmerized. I reached up to my face. “What? Do I have something on my face?”

“Yeah, you do.” He reached out and grazed the back of his fingers against my cheek. “You’ve got a little beautiful right there.”

I felt the heat rise in my cheeks because I wasn’t use to hearing things like that. Forbes never said romantic things because he was too busy planning how to get what he wanted from me.

“You want to kiss me, don’t me?” he boldly asked and my face began to pulsate with fire.

He was so daring and I loved it. In an instant, I decided to be bold in return. “You have no idea how much.”

I saw he wouldn’t be the one to back down. As I recalled, he had warned me about that.“I bet I have a pretty good idea since I probably want to kiss you just as much, if not more.”

We were alone, most likely safe from being seen, but not guaranteed and it made it so much more exciting. The thrill of being caught coursed through my veins and I looked into his pale blue eyes, willing him to lean forward and take the kiss I was prepared to give him.

“I’ll do it,” he threatened.

“Then do it. I dare you. In fact, I triple dog dare you,” I provoked.

I saw a look in his eye-one I liked. “Princess, I told you I never back down.”

“That’s what I’m counting on, so prove it,” I invited.

I thought he would lean forward and steal a quick kiss, but he didn’t. He took my hand and led me across the back of the library. He looked in all directions before opening a door and pulling me into a storage room I didn’t know existed. He shut the door behind us and locked it from the inside. He put his hands around my waist and pulled me until our faces were almost touching. “Believe me, yet?”

“Nope. I need more proof,” I challenged.

“I was hoping you would say that.”

He placed sweet, soft kisses on my lips and I thought my legs would melt beneath me. He moved to my neck and I let him because I knew the door was locked. My breathing became ragged and his kisses became more urgent, then stopped suddenly when we heard someone jiggling the door knob from the other side. I began to giggle and he cupped his hand on my mouth and shushed me. “Do you want to get caught?” he whispered.

I felt a little rebellious streak run through me and I realized I didn’t care if we got caught because I was having too much fun.

“Come on, we better get out before whoever that was comes back with a key.”

He cracked the door and peeked out, making sure the coast was clear. When he was certain we wouldn’t be seen leaving, he opened the door and we sprinted toward our table. I giggled all the way back because I was high from the excitement of almost being caught.

Almost as soon as we sat down, Mrs. Tanner showed up at our table to check on our progress. “You two are quite a bit behind the others, so you need to pick up the pace.”

“Yes, ma’am,” we said in unison, then laughed at the irony of her words after she walked off. We were definitely picking up the pace, just not the way she wanted us to.

“Okay, we’re going to get a bad grade if we don’t get serious. Don’t make me regret allowing you to be my partner,” he said playfully.

“Allow me to be your partner? I can arrange for Brad to be your partner again. In fact, I bet I could find him right now and talk him into it.”

I stood up, pretending to walk away. He reached for my arm and gently pulled me onto his lap. “I have no doubt you could talk Brad into doing anything for you.”

I looked around, then gave him a quick kiss before leaving his lap and returning to my chair.

We got a little more serious about our work since we were behind and I realized something. Jessie was smart…like really smart. We didn’t have to look up a lot of the things listed in the lyrics because he already knew what they meant.

“How do know all this stuff? You’re like a walking, breathing search engine.”

“How do you not know this stuff? Every one of these things listed in the lyrics made headlines. Most of them were very heated and controversial.”

“Peyton Place? I’ve heard of that, but I’ve never known what it meant,” I admitted.

“It was a published novel about some people in a small town hiding their sordid secrets. It was made into a movie and a television series. As you imagine, a book that included incest, abortion, adultery, lust and murder was highly controversial during the 1950‘s.

Jessie continued to enlighten and amaze me with his knowledge of world events. Although it wasn’t intentional on his part, he made me look like anything but the top student in school.

We went to third period and sat in the same seats we had taken on the first day of school. I leaned forward and whispered, “Am I doing better?”

He turned his head and whispered over his shoulder, “On what?”

I leaned in closer to his ear. “You told me I should smile more. I’ve been working on it.”

“Yes and it suits you quite well I might add.” I smiled more because it was him that suited me well and I found myself wishing for a simpler life, one that could include him without causing a complete eruption of chaos.

“I’m not looking forward to next period,” he confessed and I heard the pain in his voice. What Payton said was true-he was falling for me. I needed to make a decision soon because what I was doing was wrong. I had no right to ask him to stand aside and watch me with my boyfriend while I made a decision to keep him or cut him lose.

Physics was cruel and I almost thought Gretchen knew she was pushing my come apart switch as she continuously touched Jessie while we practiced formulas. If it wasn’t his arm, it was his leg, or his back. Every time I saw her touch him, I felt myself slipping into her trap. I finally lost it when I heard her say, “Those jeans look really hot on you, but they’d look even hotter on my bedroom floor.”

I couldn’t take it anymore and I had a slip with my impulse control. “Gretchen, he doesn’t want to swap body fluids with you, so stop harassing him already.”

She grinned at me and said, “Well I could agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong,”

Forbes interjected himself into a conversation he clearly was not a part of. “Not this again, Claire. It’s none of your business what goes on between them.”

Gretchen smiled at me and I almost swear the gleam in her eye screamed that she had the 411 on me. I think she had figured me out and was taunting me because she knew she could while I was helplessly forced to take whatever she dished.

This couldn’t go on much longer. Could I muster the strength to go against every expectation people had in me? I resolved that I couldn’t drag this out much longer or it would drive me crazy. I would have to make a decision this weekend.

20 Is This the Beginning or the End?

Jessie

I was walking to the field and a thought crossed my mind. I would need to thank Gretchen later for that little stunt she pulled in Physics, even if it was for own pleasure. I had to hand it to her-she definitely had a gift for getting under Claire’s skin when it came to me. Although I had given up my raid on Forbes, I couldn’t help but love that he saw Claire’s possessiveness toward me when Gretchen invaded her territory.

I wasn’t looking forward to sitting on the bench in practice today, but I chose to follow doctor’s orders since the temporary loss of feeling in my arm about scared me senseless. I could never admit that fear to anyone except Claire.

I found myself voluntarily telling her things I wouldn’t utter to another person-things bearing my heart and soul. I unexpectedly liked the vulnerability of sharing small parts of myself with her because it was something I’d only experienced with Deandra.

I had been paired with Deandra as my counselor after my near death experience because of how I could possibly experience some post traumatic stress. In the beginning of our sessions, I was resolved to keeping my mouth shut, but then I figured out I wouldn’t be released from her care until I fessed up and told her what she wanted to know about me. I never imagined the freedom I would feel by telling someone, a stranger that wouldn’t judge me, about my past.

It had been a month since I had seen Deandra, but I missed our sessions. I think it was the connection with another human being that I missed most, rather than her in particular. I knew she would be proud of the way I was making myself vulnerable and opening myself up to Claire.

I should have been paying attention to practice, but it was terribly difficult to keep my eyes off Claire when she was right there in that fitted shirt and shorts showing off her shapely legs.

Dane stole my attention when he warned, “Dude, you’re being blatantly obvious with your staring. You have drool down the front of your shirt.”

He was right. I wasn’t trying to hide my interest in her because it was too easy to pretend we were together. “I can’t help it. It’s a little easier to become distracted by her when I don’t have to worry about Forbes trying to break my neck. You were right about him. I should have listened, but I never thought he’d go so far.”

Dane stood by me stretching his leg for practice. “I have to admit I’m a little surprised myself. I didn’t think he would attempt to cause you permanent paralysis, but he’ll probably lay off for a while since he knows you have him on your radar. Are you going to say anything to him?”

As much as I would like to hurt him physically, I couldn’t lay a hand on him. The authorities had me on their radar since I was present at a drug deal gone wrong. I wasn’t a child in the eyes of the law and the penalty for assault was a stiff one. “No, I think I’m going to let him squirm with the anticipation of how I will execute my payback.”

“That’s probably your best move.” Dane took a quick drink of water and said,I’ve got to get out there before Coach sees me slacking. I wanted to tell you my parents are out of town on their annual anniversary trip, so I’m having a party at my house after the game Friday night. Think you can make it?”

“Sure. It sounds like fun.”

“Claire’s invited, but are you going to ask her to come with you?”

It was a sticky situation and I wish it didn’t exist. “I don’t know. She hasn’t broken up with Forbes, but I’m ready to tell her it’s him or me. Seeing them together is making me crazy. I can’t believe I’m sitting around waiting for her to decide if she wants me or that jackass. There’s no way I would do this for anyone else.”

“Claire is special and that’s why you’re doing it. I have no doubt it’s you she wants, but she’s scared to abandon the comfort zone. Don’t worry, it will work out. I’ve seen the way she looks at you,” he encouraged.

I appreciated his supportive words, but I wasn’t feeling so self-assured. “I wish I had your confidence.”

“Uh oh… Coach just spotted me. Gotta jet,” Dane said as he sprinted onto the field.

I turned my attention back to the current play and watched my team with Forbes acting as the quarterback. I could admit he wasn’t terrible, but he didn’t have it where it counted-he didn’t have heart in the game.

The cheerleaders finished practice and I watched Claire as she left the field.

“You just can’t keep your eyes off of my girlfriend, can you, skank?” Forbes said viciously.

I quickly turned at the sound of his words. I wanted to punch him in his smug face and break his nose, but I couldn’t lay a finger on him.

“I can look at whatever I want to and you can’t do anything about it, Henderson.”

“Keep it up and maybe next time you take a hit on the field you won’t be so lucky,” he said before he walked away from me the way a coward would. He basically threatened me, but I let him go without saying anything because I wasn’t interested in sparring with words.

* * *

The next couple of days went by and Claire and I enjoyed the game we had become fluent at playing, but I had grown tired of the charade we portrayed for everyone and I planned to give her an ultimatum at Dane’s party.

We sat in the library finishing up our research and I reached for her hand, something she had grown accustomed to me doing at our private table toward the back of the library. “I need to talk to you.”

She looked up from her work and laid her pencil on the table, giving me her full attention. “Sounds serious.”

“It is. At least to me it is,” I admitted.

“Okay. Shoot.”

I nervously gathered the words I wanted to say to her the way I had rehearsed them in my head a thousand times. “It’s been a week.”

“It has been a week,” she agreed.

“I know I told you I would give you the time you needed, but I’ve changed my mind. I can’t stand to see you with him anymore. It’s making me crazy and I’m asking you to decide between us.”

“I’ve already made my decision and I was going to talk to you about it tonight at Dane’s.”

I thought of what it would do to me to hear she didn’t want me and I wasn’t ready to hear the words if she decided to stay with Forbes. I swallowed hard because it was going to be a long twelve hours. I looked at her and knew tonight would be the beginning of something incredible or the end of something memorable. I thought about how I might never kiss her again after tonight and I grabbed her hand.

I pulled her into the supply room and locked the door behind us. I took her face in my hands and began to kiss her like I never would again. She wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled me close, making me wonder if she was taking advantage of this as our last kiss.

When she lifted her chin, I moved my lips to her neck and willed her to choose me instead of him. Her breath grew deeper and faster and I couldn’t imagine never having her in my arms like this again. I heard the desperation in my voice, but I was unable to stop myself from attempting to persuade her as I breathlessly whispered against her throat, “Pick me, Princess. Choose me instead of him.”

She reached for my face and pulled me to look into my eyes, but she said nothing and I felt my hope deflate as time marched forward.

It was like hearing someone’s voice besides my own as the words left my mouth. “I am tormented by the thoughts of not being with you because I’ve fallen in love with you.”

The bell rang and snapped me from my daze of staring at her as I felt her chest heaving against mine. “The bell rang,” whispered.

“I don’t want to move,” I confessed, afraid I would never feel her in my arms like this again.

She smiled and said, “Meet me at Dane’s tonight and we’ll talk.”

Her words frightened me because they were neither reassuring nor ominous and I felt like I was going to throw up. “I’ll be there, Princess.”

We went to our next class and Claire was preoccupied. I worried it was because she thinking about how to give me the boot. I replayed our entire interaction at the library in my mind and dissected every touch and each word spoken in an attempt to decipher what her answer would be tonight.

When my remaining classes were finished, I fled to the refuge of my truck. I needed and wanted a cigarette so badly I could feel myself shaking, but I resisted the urge because of Claire, the first positive influence in my life. Because she despised it, it would no longer be a part of who I was because my mind was made up. I wouldn’t stop until I made her mine.

21 Declarations

Claire

I hoped I had made the right choice. I came so close to telling Jessie what my decision was when we were behind that locked door. I couldn’t stand seeing the misery on his face knowing I was the cause. I had asked too much of him already and now I was making him wait until tonight to finally find out if I loved him back or not.

When I arrived for the game, the players were already on the field warming up and my eyes immediately sought Jessie in the number seven jersey. I became mesmerized as I watched him throw to Cooper so I was easily startled when Payton walked up behind me and said, “You know, I think you should punk him tonight. He’s already in love with you, so there’s nothing to be gained by taking this any further besides a waste of your time and energy. Dane’s party is the perfect place for it happen because everyone will be there.”

I thought of his words of love for me and I wanted to run to him as I recalled his plea for me to choose him. I couldn’t tear my eyes away from him as I lied to my best friend. “I’ll think about it.”

“If you don’t decide to punk him tonight, maybe you should tell him how much you love him because it is so terribly clear.”

“I wish I could,” I confessed in my daze of watching Jessie, then gasped and slapped my hand over my mouth. I wanted to eat the words, shove them back inside the moment they escaped, but it was too late. The wicked trixter had tricked me into admitting my love for Jessie Boone.

“Good grief, Claire. Did you really think you could fool me? I’m the player that recognizes the game. How could you forget that?

I panicked, trying to decide if I should pretend I was trying to punk her or own the crazy, beautiful love I had for Jessie. I decided to go with my heart. “I didn’t mean to fall for him, Payton. It just sort of happened as I spent time with him and we were so wrong about who he is.”

Payton looked at me like she wasn’t quite sure what to think of me and I told her my plan. “I’m telling him tonight at Dane’s party.”

“Are you sure you want to jump head first into that?” she questioned.

“Payton, he pulled me into the closet in the school library and kissed me until I was senseless. He asked me to choose him over Forbes. He told me he had fallen in love with me.”

“What if he’s playing you to get at Forbes?” she suggested.

“He’s not. I would know if he was.”

* * *

When the team was about to run out onto the field, Forbes began to walk toward me for his traditional good luck kiss and I acted as though I didn’t see him coming. I quickly told Payton to put me up in a shoulder stand to prevent the awkwardness of kissing him in front of Jessie. After I went up, Forbes turned and joined the rest of the team behind the run through sign and I felt a sigh of relief.

As I stood on Payton’s shoulders holding one side of the sign, my eyes found Jessie in the group and he was looking up at me. I mouthed the words, “Good luck,” to him.

He smiled and mouthed the words, “Thank you,” then the team ran through the sign, tearing it to shreds.

East Franklin scored only minutes into the game when Jessie threw for sixty yards to Cooper in the end zone. He did it again in the first quarter, then a third before half-time. He threw a fourth completed pass resulting in a touchdown before the end of the last quarter and Dane made good on every kick, so the game was a shutout of 35-0 against Nortonville.

While Coach gathered the team for the post game talk, Payton and I took the opportunity to hurry to my house to get ready for Danes’ party. I changed into a casual black dress and sandals, then brushed my hair before I braided the front and secured it with a bobby pin above my ear. I fluffed the back of my hair after curling it loosely, then freshened my make-up before spraying myself with my favorite body spray.

Payton whistled at me. “I hope you know CPR because you are going to take Jessie’s breath away.”

I did a spin around for Payton. “Do you really think I look okay?”

She nodded and raised her eyebrows. “I think you look awesome and I know Jessie will, too. Do you want me to drive so you can leave with him and not have your car stuck at Dane’s?”

“That would be so perfect if you don’t mind.”

She looked sad, but happy at the same time. “I don’t mind. I want you to be happy and if it’s Jessie that does that, then I want you to be with him.”

Even if I hadn’t admitted it to myself, I desperately wanted Payton’s approval and I couldn’t have been happier when she gave me her blessing. I hugged her tightly and said, “Thank you, Payton. You’re support means the world to me.”

She returned my embrace and said, “Anything for my Claire Bear. Now, let’s go so you can go get your happily ever after on.”

When we arrived, I was nervous and excited at the same time about the decision I had made. We walked into the foyer and saw kids all over the house dancing to loud music while drinking beer from plastic cups and I knew Mrs. Wickam would have a fit if she knew what was going on in her house right now.

I searched the crowd for Jessie, but couldn’t see him anywhere. I heard my phone alerting me to a new text message and I pulled it out to find a text from Jessie telling me he was out front waiting for me.

After I said goodbye to Payton, I left through the front door. I saw Jessie waiting for me in his truck in front of Dane’s house and I ran and jumped inside with him. “Are you the getaway driver?”

We were parked under the streetlight so I could clearly see the worry on his face and I was eager to put it to rest. “Yeah. I guess I am if you’re wanting to get away from here.”

“I do want to get away from here. Where are you taking me tonight?”

He looked so uneasy. “Where do you want to go?”

I smiled, hoping to bring a little reassurance to his mind. “I don’t have a preference-just anywhere but here.”

He slowly pulled away from Dane’s house and said, “I think I know just the place, but you might think it’s a little weird.”

He had my curiosity peaked. “I can handle weird.”

“I don’t know that weird is the right word. Maybe unexpected describes it a little better.”

He turned on the radio to drown out the silence between us as he drove me to the unexpected destination. We pulled up at a car garage and I was momentarily confused until I remembered that Jessie worked at his dad’s garage.

“Do you mind pulling in for me?” he asked.

It was an automatic so surely I could do it. “Okay.”

He got out of the truck to lift the garage door and I slid into the driving seat. I put his truck in drive and pulled into the shop. He lowered the door behind us and it felt like the world outside these four walls disappeared. I slid back to the passenger side and he got back in his truck. “Not what you expected, huh?”

I laughed and said, “Nope. Not what I expected, but after the playground and the football field I’ve come to expect anything out of you.”

“When I wasn’t on the football field, I was here with Earl. He was always teaching me something about engines.”

I was suddenly all nerves as I began to fidget my feet. I looked around like I was taking in the inside of his dad’s garage, but I really was avoiding looking at him and approaching the subject he brought me here to discuss.

He rolled the ignition key back, then turned the radio on like he did the night we danced on the old football field. “Is this station alright with you?”

It was a soft love song and I thought it was the ideal mood setter for the things I wanted to say to him. “Yeah, it’s perfect.”

“You’re fidgeting. Why are you so nervous?”

I stopped twitching my feet and shrugged my shoulders casually. “I’m not nervous,” I lied.

“You’re a terrible liar.”

I felt like I was standing half past the point of no return, but the unknown of being with him no longer frightened me. I had fallen in love with him and the time had come for there to be no more camouflage. I was ready to be exposed.

“I want to thank you for giving me the time I asked for because you didn’t have to. You have been such so incredibly understanding this week and although unintentional, I’m sorry for any pain I caused you.”

I watched him squeeze his eyes tightly, bracing to hear what he had mistaken as the beginning of a goodbye. I slid closer to him, across the bench seat in his truck. I took his hand and brought it to my lips. I placed a feather light kiss upon it and said, “You are so much more than I expected, even more than I dared to hope for.”

I leaned closer and pressed a light kiss on his lips and whispered, “I feel myself…going under. I’m drowning in you because I am so hopelessly in love with you. You’re the only one I want.”

A smile replaced the worried look on his face as his fear vanished. “I was terrified that you wouldn’t want to take a chance on someone like me.”

“It doesn’t feel like taking a chance. It feels right, like it’s what I’m supposed to do, but I still have to break up with Forbes.”

He put his arm around me and I laid my head on his shoulder as he began to stroke my arm. “I want you to as soon as possible because I can’t stand the thoughts of you being his for another minute.”

“You can take me back to Dane’s so I can do it tonight, but that means giving up this time together.” I lifted my face and kissed his stubbled chin. “Do you really want to do that?” I raised up and moved my lips along his jawline until I reached that sensitive place on his neck below his ear, the same spot he kissed me when he drove me into a stupor. I heard a moan escape his lips, telling me we would be staying right where we were so my attempt to persuade to stay with me was successful.

Sitting side by side in Jessie’s truck was cumbersome and prevented me from feeling him the way I wanted to, so I told him to scoot to the middle of the seat away from the driver’s side of the truck. I climbed on top of him with my knees on each side of his hips because I was desperate to feel his body pressed against mine. He put his hands on my hips under my dress and pulled me hard against him while I reached behind his neck and tightened our embrace. His mouth abandoned my lips and trailed kisses down my neck, onto my chest and I felt him trembling beneath me.

I never allowed Forbes freedom with my body, but I felt different with Jessie. Although being with him this way felt right, I wasn’t ready to be physically intimate with him and decided it was a good idea to get on the same page. I pulled back and cupped his face with my hands, putting my thumbs on his lips. “I know I just crawled up on top of you like I was going to devour you, but I can’t sleep with you. I’m sorry. I want to, but I’m a virgin and I’m not ready to change that.”

He nodded with my hands still holding his face and whispered, “I know.”

Everyone assumed I was sleeping with Forbes because we had been together so long and I wondered why he would think differently. “How could you possibly know?”

“Forbes was bragging about how he was going to screw you the night of the bonfire. I knew the only reason he would be bragging about it was if he had never been with you, but sex isn’t why I want to be with you. I’d be with Gretchen if that’s what I wanted.”

I didn’t want to jump from one guy trying to get in my pants to another one, so I felt like he needed fair warning. “I don’t know when or if I’ll ever be ready and you should know that up front.”

He rubbed his hands up and down my back. “This is enough. Just being with you is all I need.”

His reassuring promise confirmed how right this was between us. “I want to touch you and kiss you and feel you against me, but I don’t want to be a tease.”

“You’re not a tease because you’ve told me that you won’t sleep with me. I won’t lie and say I don’t want you because I do, but your boundaries are clear and I’m okay with them. I know what to expect from you, but if things get too heated and I tell you to give me a minute, I need you back down.”

Knowing he wanted to be with me without the expectation of sex was a relief and I felt my love for him grow because of it. “I don’t deserve you.”

He closed his eyes and laid his head back against the seat like he was struggling with something. “You’re wrong. It’s me that doesn’t deserve you.”

With his head against the seat and his face lifted, his neck was exposed and I wanted to take full advantage. I told him, “We won’t argue about it,” then I returned to kissing him until I felt him tremble from my touch.

22 Wife Material

Jessie

Claire sat next to me with her hand on my leg as I drove her home. I covered her hand with mine and laced our fingers together, occasionally bringing her palm to my lips for a kiss. She laid her head against my shoulder and said, “Do you have to work tomorrow?”

“All day long.”

“Since we can’t do anything together tomorrow, could I talk you into a date tomorrow night?”

Her question brought a smile to my face and to my heart because I think this girl could quite possibly talk me into anything. “I could be persuaded.”

She brought my hand to her lips and placed a kiss on the top. “With a kiss?”

“It’s a good possibly,” I hinted.

“Would you mind staying in? I want to cook for you.”

Coming to her house so she could cook for me sounded like her way of introducing me to her mom and reacquainting me with her dad. “Are you asking me to do the meet the parents thing?”

“Technically you’ve met my dad, but I don’t mean the parents thing. My mom and dad will be out of town until Sunday evening, so it will only be us. We can go out and do something if you prefer. It’s no big deal.”

I was relieved because she wasn’t asking me to spend time with her parents, but I thought it best to keep that info to myself. “I’d love to come over, but I won’t get off work until six.”

“Could you be there around seven?” she negotiated.

“Seven sounds perfect.”

When I dropped Claire off this time, our goodbye was different. It was more like our make out session at the garage and I was dangerously close to needing a minute to compose myself when she told me she thought she should go inside.

Instead of walking around to open the passenger door, I opened mine and slid out. She got out behind me and gave me one last kiss before going inside for the night.

When I made it home and got in bed, I couldn’t fall asleep because thinking about my reality with Claire was far better than any dream I could have. I replayed the memory of hearing her tell me how she loved me, but I was left with mixed feelings. I was thrilled because she loved me, but a real relationship with her meant I would eventually be forced to come clean about my life. I couldn’t hide my past forever and I was terrified she would see me for what I really was and realize she was too good for me.

My fear of losing Claire kept me awake most of the night and I felt exhausted when the alarm began to scream, but I got up because I didn’t have a choice. Earl was counting on me for help and I needed the money since I suffered from a chronic case of empty pocket syndrome.

Earl beat me to the garage today and was under an old Buick when I walked in the shop. “Mornin’, Earl.”

“Well, good morning to you, lover boy,” he said from underneath the car. I knew I was going to catch it from him about Claire. “You’re late. Could you not drag yourself away from dreaming about your new girl?”

I looked at the clock on the wall in the shop. “I’m not late, you just beat me here this morning.”

He slid out from under the old Buick. “How are things with your girl?”

“Her name is Claire and things couldn’t be better. She invited me over for dinner tonight. Said she wanted to cook for me.”

Earl wiped his hands on an old rag and said, “Good, you can find out now if she’s wife material or not.”

“It’s a little early to be evaluating her for that, I think.”

He laughed at me like I was a silly child. “Look, kiddo…it’s never too early to evaluate a woman’s ability to cook. If she’s asked you to eat her cooking this early in the relationship, then you’re probably in good shape because she wouldn’t invite you if she didn’t think she could cook good food. The problem is when a woman doesn’t know her cooking is terrible. One time I dated this beautiful woman, but she didn’t realize her cooking was horrendous.”

That wasn’t the end of the story and he wanted me to ask him to expand. “How did you handle it?”

He started laughing and said, “I married her and had my mother teach her how to cook, but I don’t recommend it, so find you a wife that can already cook.”

“I love Miss Hazel’s cooking. I can’t imagine her ever being an awful cook.”

“Well, I couldn’t imagine me marrying a woman that couldn’t cook, but I did and the task of teaching her wasn’t an easy one, so take my advice and save yourself some trouble.”

Earl always looked out for me, so I guess he thought it was his duty to advise me on wife hunting even if it was much too early to consider. “I’ll remember that, Earl.”

Aside from the occasional inspection sticker, my day was filled with oil changes, but that was good because I was less likely to drop a wrench in my face since I couldn’t stop thinking about Claire.

Earl let me leave a little early, so I ran by the florist and picked up a bouquet of flowers, then hurried to the mall and bought a new light blue pullover for my first real date with Claire. It wasn’t a popular name brand like the other kids at school wore, but the saleswoman said that I had to get it because the color matched my eyes perfectly. I hoped Claire noticed because the money I spent on the shirt should have been going toward repairs on my truck.

After rushing to get ready, I made it to Claire’s at seven on the dot and knocked on her front door nervously with flowers in hand. She answered the door wearing a sexy little sundress and I swallowed hard as I held out the flowers. “I hope you like Gerber daisies.”

“I do. Very much so in fact. Thank you.” She brought the flowers to her nose for a sniff and said, “Come in. Dinner is almost ready.”

She took me to the kitchen and I studied my surroundings as I followed her. Her house was even bigger than I imagined and it looked like something out of magazine. Nothing appeared out of place and it felt like a museum except for the occasional family photo scattered here and there. “Your house is beautiful.”

“Thank you. My mom is really into home decor. It’s too formal for my taste, but it’s the way she likes it.”

When we walked into the kitchen, Claire told me to relax at the bar while she finished cooking. As I sat on a barstool, she grabbed an apron and put it on top of her sundress. As she tied it around her waist, I couldn’t help but think how domesticated she looked, like she should be someone’s sexy wife rather than a seventeen year-old girl. I wondered if the impression would have crossed my thoughts if Earl hadn’t placed the idea of inspecting her as possible wife material in my mind.

“I don’t know much about cooking, but is there anything I can do to help you?”

She smiled at my offer. “Nah, I’ve got this. I’ve been knowing my way around a kitchen for a long time.”

She looked so comfortable and confident as she whirled around the kitchen in her designer apron that said,“Queen of Everything.”

“I take it you enjoy cooking?” I asked.

“I love to cook and try new things. I mess up every once in a while, but what cook doesn’t?”

No one had taken the time to show me how to cook anything, so it was sort of a learn as I went kind of experience for me and most of the time it wasn’t pretty. “I mess up more than occasionally.”

She turned the oven light on and I watched her sundress climb the back of her thighs as she bent over to peek at what was in the oven. “Maybe I can teach you some things.”

I liked the way that sounded. “I’m up for it anytime.”

I convinced my eyes to look away from her hemline just in time for her to not see my stare when she turned around. I reminded myself of what her boundaries didn’t include and decided I was unnecessarily torturing myself by looking at her like that.

“It’s almost done.” She placed two plates on the counter, then filled our glasses with ice. “Do you want a soft drink or sweet tea?”

“Water is fine with me. I don’t make a habit of drinking soft drinks and you shouldn’t either because they’re not good for you.”

She whirled around and looked at me. “You’ll smoke cigarettes that give you cancer, but you won’t drink a cola?”

“I didn’t say I never drank them. I said I don’t make a habit of it. And by the way, I quit smoking. I haven’t had a cigarette since Tuesday morning, four very long days ago.”

“What made you decide to quit?” She smiled, knowing she was my only reason.

Instead of worrying what she might think, I laid it all out for her because I wanted her to see what I was willing to do for her. “I’m doing it for you, Princess, because it’s what you want and I want to make you happy.”

She walked over to where I was sitting on the barstool, wrapped her arms over my shoulders and stared at me for a moment before saying, “Thank you for doing it for me, but thank you more for doing it for you.”

I took her face between my hands. “I would do anything for you because that’s how much you mean to me.”

A serious look came over her face and it worried me a little, then she said, “I broke it off with Forbes today.”

I wanted to jump up and down, maybe even do a cartwheel, but I convinced myself to remain calm. “How’d that go over?”

“Let’s just say it didn’t go well.”

My heart sped and my back stiffened as I sat more upright on the stool. “Did he hurt you? I’ll kill him if he laid a hand on you.”

“No. It was nothing like that, but he was really upset. I’m pretty sure he suspects I’ve been seeing someone. He knows my parents are gone, so I completely expect him to drive by tonight looking for the mystery guy and when he sees your truck, I’m afraid he’ll have a come apart. He really, really hates you.”

“Well, I’m not in love with him either and he can have a little hissy fit on me, but he better not so much as look at you wrong or I will take him out.”

The timer went off on the oven and Claire gave me a quick kiss on the lips. “Let’s not talk about him anymore. The lasagna is done and I’m ready to eat. Are you hungry?”

I nodded and said, “Starving.”

“Good, because I have plenty.” After taking the lasagna out of the oven, she cut two servings and placed one on each plate next to salad and garlic bread. “You can take our drinks to the dining room if you’d like. I’ve already set the table, so have a seat and I’ll be there in a minute.”

I went into the dining room and sat with extreme care to not spill our drinks because the formality of the room made me extremely nervous. When Claire came into the room, she placed my plate in front of me, then lit two candles on the table and sat in the chair next to me before saying, “Bon Appetite.”

Claire’s lasagna was fabulous, so she passed the wife material inspection by Earl’s standards. “This is delicious. Who taught you to cook so well?”

“My mom taught me a lot about cooking, but she cooks traditional food. She’s afraid to try new foods, so I watch cooking shows because I like to try new ingredients. Sometimes it turns out great. Other times, not so much, but I’m learning what not to try. I kept it traditional for you since this was your first time to eat my cooking. I didn’t want to scare you off.”

I don’t think she could scare me off if she fed me live bear. “Thank you for the invite and for going to the trouble of cooking for me. Everything has been perfect.”

“The night isn’t over,”she said, then blushed a deep crimson before looking down at her plate.

“You’re blushing.”

She covered her face with her hands. “And you’re pointing it out.”

“Only because I’m intrigued about why. Tell me,” I coaxed.

She peeked through her fingers at me. “Later, okay?”

Although the curiosity of finding out what had her so anxious was killing me, I reluctantly agreed to drop the subject for the time being. “Okay, but I won’t forget.”

We finished dinner and I volunteered to clean, but she only agreed to allow me to help. When we finished cleaning, we went into the living room and sat side by side on the couch. She flipped through the channels until she came across a movie only a chick could want to watch. “You want to watch this?”

“It’s Princess choice night since you cooked all afternoon for me. We’ll watch whatever suits your fancy.” I reached for her feet and said, “Here, put your feet in my lap and I’ll rub them for you because I know you stood on the ceramic tile a lot in the kitchen today.”

She gladly kicked off her heels and spun around. I took her tiny feet in my large hands and began to massage while we watched the movie. She occasionally made a sound I could only describe as something between a sigh and a moan. I concentrated on everything in the room trying to not get turned on by the sounds coming from her because I knew she didn’t intend for them to be sexual in any way. The more I tried to forget, the worst it got and my hands slowly drifted from her feet to her lower legs.

I stroked her calves up from her ankles to her knees and down again, over and over. Her freshly shaved legs were so soft and smooth against my palms and I ached to feel more of her, but didn’t dare push further.

She took her feet from my lap and I cursed myself for pushing her too far. “I’m sorry, Princess, I shouldn’t have…,” but she scooted closer and interrupted my words when she kissed me urgently. She put her hands in the back of my hair and pulled my mouth hard against hers and when that wasn’t close enough, she fell back against the couch, pulling me on top of her. She pulled me tighter against her and bent her knees to tuck me snugly between them, but when she wrapped her legs around my waist and pressed her lower body tightly against mine, I decided I had to tell her that I needed a minute.

When I broke our kiss and pulled away to break the news, I saw someone standing behind the couch peering over at us. It took a minute, but my brain eventually registered that I was seeing Forbes Henderson watch Claire and I while we made out. I reached to pull Claire’s dress down over her legs and yelled, “What the hell are you doing in Claire’s house?”

Claire quickly raised up from the couch to see who I was yelling at and I watched a look of shock, horror and disbelief come over her face. “How did you get in my house?”

“So, you’re screwing the Collinsville skank, Claire?” Forbes screamed. “When did you decide you wanted to go slumming?”

“Get out,” Claire shouted.

Forbes grabbed his hair with a fisted hand and slurred, “He doesn’t care about you, Claire. He’s just screwing you to get to me. Why can’t you see that?” then he stumbled toward her.

I stepped in front of Forbes and put my hand on his chest. “Whoa, dude. You’re drunk and you seriously need to back off.” He attempted to push me, but stumbled backwards.

“Shut up, skank. You have no right to be here,” he yelled at me.

“Don’t, Forbes,” Claire pleaded.

“Don’t what? Remind him he’s trash and not one of us?” he said as though I needed reminding of what I was or how I didn’t fit in.

Claire folded her arms. “We broke up and you have no right to come into my house uninvited.”

“How do you think your parents would feel about you slumming with the trash?” When Claire didn’t answer him, he continued, “I don’t understand you, Claire. We’ve been together for a year and a half and you broke up with me so you could screw around with a nobody you’ve known all of two weeks.”

She shook her head and said, “You wouldn’t understand, Forbes.”

He took another step toward her. “He’ll never be able to give you the things you want or need.”

“I want you out now!” she screamed.

I had heard enough. “I think it’s time for you to go.”

He was about to retaliate against me, but there was a knock on the front door. Claire and I looked at each other, wondering who it could be. She went to the foyer, opened the door and I could hear Cooper’s voice in the living room “I thought I’d find him here. I tried to take his keys, but he got away from me before I could. I’ll get him out of here.”

Cooper walked in the living room and put his arm around Forbes. “Come on, buddy, you’re coming with me.”

Forbes didn’t fight Cooper, but on the way out the door he turned to me and narrowed his eyes. “This isn’t over by a long shot.”

When they were gone, I walked over to Claire and hugged her closely. When I loosened my hold, she looked up at me. “I don’t want to be alone tonight. Will you stay with me?”

23 Sweet Dreams

Claire

The look in Forbes’ eye was feral and I had never seen anything like it. I was unnerved because he knew my house as well as he knew his own, but I was more alarmed by his ability to slip in unnoticed because I was positive I locked the front door after I let Jessie inside.

Another nerve-racking factor was my bold invitation for Jessie to spend the night alone with me in my house. I lifted my head from his chest to gage his response and saw an expression I couldn’t define. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked you that. I’m sure you’ll be expected home tonight.”

His strong arms pulled me tighter and he stroked his hand down the back of my hair the way a mother comforts her child. “Of course I’ll stay with you. There’s no way I’d leave you in this house alone after what just happened. Are there any keys hidden outside?”

“There’s one, but he doesn’t know about it.”

“It’s probably wise to get it because he doesn’t need to find it and have access to the house while your parents are gone,” I recommended.

We walked outside and I retrieved the key from it’s hiding place. “It’s here, but I can tell it’s been moved recently. That has to be how he got in because I know I locked the door behind you when you came in.”

He shook his head like he couldn’t believe Forbes has gone so far. “That was a pretty daring move. I think you should probably turn on the alarm as a precaution.”

Things suddenly felt much more serious and he saw the worried look on my face. “I don’t think he’ll be back.” He placed two fingers under my chin and lifted my face for me to look at him. “Don’t be scared. I’ll be here if he comes back and I won’t let him hurt you.”

I started to relax because I was confident in Jessie’s ability to protect me and I reveled in how safe he made me feel. “Thank you. I don’t think I could stay here tonight without you.”

He tried to lighten my mood. “Are we going to paint our nails and talk about boys at this slumber party?”

I reached up, resting my arms over his shoulders. “Nope. I want to pick up where we were before we were interrupted.”

He didn’t look like he shared in my anxiousness to continue where we left off and my hope plunged to my feet. “Did I do something wrong?”

“No, you were doing it right and that’s the problem. Making out like that is completely different for a guy. Do you remember when I told you that if things got too heated, I might tell you I needed a minute and that meant I needed you to back down?”

“Yeah, I remember.”

“Well, things got way too heated for me and I was about to tell you I needed a minute before I looked up and saw Forbes,” I told her.

I dropped my face and pressed it against his chest because I was mortified I had teased him past the point of his limitations. “I’m sorry I was too aggressive.”

He took my face in his hands, forcing me to lift my face. ”It’s not your fault that you’re too sexy for your own good.”

I couldn’t keep from smiling because I was thrilled to hear him call me sexy. “Aha! There it is-that smile I love so much.”

I took his hand and pulled him toward the sofa. “Will you try watching a movie with me if I promise I won’t assault you this time? You can pick since you’re staying to babysit me.”

He opted to finish the movie we started earlier because he clearly wanted to make me happy and it gave me another reason to be crazy about him. How could I not love a guy that would voluntarily inflict a chick flick on himself for me?

I was apprehensive about initiating physical contact with Jessie again, but he put his arm around me and pulled me close, so it felt right when I laid my head against him and rested my hand on his leg.

I don’t know how long it had been since I dosed off, but I couldn’t recall much of the movie when I woke. My neck was stiff from being cocked to the side for so long and I moved it slowly because it felt like it had a crick caught in it.

“Hello, Sleeping Beauty.”

I stretched my neck a little more and hoped his arm didn’t feel the way my neck did. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to fall asleep on you. Is there even a remote possibility that you have a little circulation in your arm?”

“My arm is fine and I can’t complain because I had so much fun hearing the things you said while you slept. You have some fairly interesting ideas about me,” he teased.

I felt the heat rush to my face. “Don’t tell me what I said because I don’t want to know.”

“Good call,” he laughed.

I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to remember what I was dreaming about.

“I’m pulling your leg, Princess. You didn’t say anything. You might have sighed a little, but it was completely innocent.”

I was relieved, but I slapped him hard on the leg. “I’ll get you back for that.”

“I have no doubt you will, but it was so worth it to see your cheeks light up like that, which reminds me. What had you so lit up during dinner?” he asked.

I felt the heat remaining on my cheeks. “I was thinking about something I wanted to ask you.”

“Tell me. I want to hear what was so incredibly blush worthy.”

I was quiet as he looked at me expectantly and I softly asked, “What am I to you?”

He fired back without hesitating, “What do you want to be to me?” It was a challenge for me to admit what my expectations were.

“I asked you first,” I said to dodge answering his question and I braced myself to hear the verdict.

“I don’t know what you are to me.” Disappointment flooded me because it wasn’t what I had hoped to hear, then my hopes were lifted when he continued, “But, I know what I want you to be.”

“I need you to say it so we’re both clear about it,” I encouraged.

“Since we’ve both admitted we’re in love with each other, there’s only one conclusion that makes sense to me. We’re a couple, so that makes you my girl.”

“Your girl? I like the sound of that. Hey, there’s a song about me called ‘Jessie’s girl.’ I still hear it on the radio occasionally.”

“Yeah, everybody wishes they had Jessie’s girl,” he laughed.

I started humming the melody and he asked, “By the way, in case you go back to sleep, do I need to be gone by a certain time in the morning to avoid your parents? I don’t think it will make a great impression if they find me here when they come home.”

“They won’t be home until tomorrow afternoon, so you don’t have to leave early.”

It was getting late. She saw me look at the clock and said, “It’s after one. Is it past your bedtime?”

“Not normally, but I’m exhausted. I didn’t sleep much last night after a certain beautiful girl told me she loved me and then kissed me for hours.”

I stretched and said, “I’m pretty tired myself. A certain handsome guy with the most magnificent pale blue eyes kept me awake last night after he told me he loved me and kissed me for hours and hours and hours, so I’m ready to go to bed if you are.”

I stood to go upstairs, but he didn’t get off of the sofa. “I think this couch will sleep better than my bed at home.”

I didn’t intend on having him in my house alone all night long sleeping on an entirely different floor. “I want you to stay upstairs with me.”

I looked down at him, hoping he would agree. “I don’t think that’s a good idea, Princess.”

I didn’t intend on giving up that easily.“I want to be close to you. I want to feel you laying next to me when I fall asleep.”

He reached for my hands. “Did he frighten you that much?

“No, it’s not that. I was just thinking we should take advantage of this opportunity. Who knows when we will have another chance to be this close to one another?” I asked with hope it would be enough to convince him.

“If I agree to this, you can’t get me all revved up like you did earlier. No wrapping your legs around me or rubbing your body against me because a saint couldn’t have held back as well as I did. I make no guarantees if there is a next time,” he warned me.

“I’ll be a good girl,” I said, but was uncertain if I would be able to keep my promise.

“That naughty grin on your face has planted seeds of doubt in my mind.”

I pulled on his hands to get him off the sofa. “Come on. Nothing bad is going to happen.”

After he followed me upstairs, he used my brother’s bathroom to get ready for bed while I readied myself for bed in the bathroom inside my bedroom. After I brushed my teeth and washed my face, I put on a tank with matching boxer pajama bottoms. I opened the bathroom door and saw a shirtless Jessie standing at the foot of my bed wearing my brother’s knit pajama pants and I stopped dead in my tracks.

“Which side of the bed do you sleep on?” he asked.

“All sides, but I start out on the left side. I’m kind of a crazy sleeper. At least that’s what I’ve been told. You can give me your opinion in the morning.”

“Am I going to wake up in a headlock?” he laughed and it broke the tension a little.

“I won’t say it’s not a possibility, at least according to my family.”

He began removing the throw pillows from my bed. “You might have mentioned that in the disclaimer.”

“You still would have agreed.”

“Yeah, I know.”

I stood frozen by my bathroom door, not because I was scared of Jessie, but because I was in awe of his beautiful body. It begged me to touch it and I wondered what he would say if I went back on my promise to be a good girl.

I shook my head, trying to clear those thoughts from it. “Did you find everything you needed in Ryan’s bathroom?”

“I did, thank you.”

When I didn’t make a move toward the bed, he looked concerned and questioned me. “Are you sure this is what you want?”

I looked at him and nodded because I was speechless from the anticipation of sharing a bed with this beautiful man tonight. I walked to my side of the bed and we turned back the linens, then climbed in together.

I turned onto my side and propped my head up to look at Jessie. My bedside lamp gave off a dim glow, but it was enough to allow me a good look at him. I studied his tattoo first because it was the first time I had seen it in it’s entirety. It extended further up his shoulder than I guessed and I reached out to trace the intricate detail with my fingertips.

He smiled when I touched it and asked, “Why are you so fascinated by my tattoo?”

“I’m not fascinated. I just really like it a lot. I like what it says about you,” I admitted.

“And what does it say about me?” he asked curiously.

I ran my finger along one of the curves. “It says that you don’t care what anyone thinks. You’re living for you, not everyone else or what they want for you.”

“I think you’re reading more into it. I really got it so the ladies would think I was hot.”

I felt a pang of jealousy when I thought of another girl being with Jessie like this.

“Just how many girls have seen your whole tattoo?” I asked, but we both knew I was asking an entirely different question.

“Do you really want to go there? I doubt you’ll like the answer because most of the girls at Collinsville aren’t like you. They’re more like Gretchen.”

It was his way of warning me I might not be able to handle the truth, and while I debated pushing the issue, he put his arm out and said, “Come here.”

I scooted closer to him and put my head on his shoulder as he tried to put my mind at rest. “You’re the only one for me. Every other girl is in the past.”

I put my hand on his chest, but couldn’t resist the urge to run my palm back and forth across his muscular chest. He closed his eyes and I wondered if I was pushing too hard again. “Is it okay for me to touch you like this?”

“Yeah, I like it. It’s very relaxing.”

I stroked his chest until his breathing became deep and steady, then I rolled away to turn off the light, but he caught me with his arm. “Don’t go, Princess.”

“I didn’t mean to wake you. I was only turning off the lamp. I’m not going anywhere.”

After turning off the lamp switch, I nestled against Jessie and went back to running my palm over his smooth chest. I wanted to be close to him and explore his body, but I was unclear about what his limits were for me.

I felt his chest rising and falling deep and evenly, confirming he was asleep and ending any potential exploring I had on my mind.

“Sweet Dreams,” I whispered, hoping any he had would only include me.

24 Kiss Me Good

Jessie

I woke up the next morning with Claire blissfully burrowed into me and it was a gift I didn’t think could be real. I put my nose against her hair and breathed deeply, taking in her smell. I hadn’t noticed last night because I was too exhausted, but her bed smelled just like she did-sweet and floral with a hint of peach and cherry.

As I laid half under her, I recalled how she stroked her hand over my chest rhythmically until I fell asleep and I couldn’t think of a time in my life that made me feel more relaxed and happy.

I lifted my head slightly and looked down to see our legs intertwined with one of her arms thrown across my lower abdomen, dangerously close to the waist of my borrowed pajama pants. I dropped my head back down on the pillow and closed my eyes, trying to concentrate on anything other than the position we were in.

Claire woke up a few minutes later and only aggravated the situation by wiggling against me as she stretched and got situated. She rolled off of me onto her back, then turned to look at me. The sunlight beamed in through her bedroom windows on her hair making it look even redder and I stared at her face, thinking she was breathtakingly gorgeous.

I reached out to touch her face. “You are so beautiful.”

She smiled and asked, “Can you stay with me every night because I’d love to wake up to you every morning?”

“I somehow doubt your parents would go for that.” She didn’t disagree and I decided to tackle the topic I would probably regret. “The things Forbes said about me were true, so what do you think your parents will think of me?”

“The things he said are not true,” she argued.

“If you were being honest with me and yourself, you’d have to admit that most of it is true. I don’t fit in. I’m not like all of you. I don’t have money or come from a family like yours.”

She sighed and said, “It doesn’t matter to me and it won’t matter to my parents either. It’s true that we are well off and they are friends with wealthy people, but they are kind and fair. They won’t judge or dislike you because you don’t come from a wealthy family.”

The thoughts of sitting down to talk with Claire’s parents made me nervous. “I’ve told you that I don’t do the parent thing well.”

She firmly informed me, “I know, but if I’m going to be with you, then you have to meet them because we’re a close family. No exceptions.”

I accepted my fate and asked, “Do I have a deadline?”

“I’ll give you a little time to get use to the idea. What about next weekend? My dad won’t be on call, so they should be free. Could you come on Saturday night?”

I laughed and conceded, “If I have to.”

“Yes, you have to, or you could stay and meet them this afternoon.”

Even if that sounded appealing, I couldn’t because I was seeing my little brothers today at their foster parents house today. “I have a family thing today.”

“You never talk about your family,” she said, hinting for information about them.

“There’s not really much to say about them.”

“When are you going to let me meet them?”she asked.

I tried to dodge answering her question. “Why don’t you let me make it through meeting your parents first? They’re the ones that really matter. Then we’ll go from there.”

“Your family is important, too,” she disagreed. “I want them to like me.”

I kissed her on the nose. “Who wouldn’t love you?”

She smiled and said, “Hold that thought.” She got up to the bathroom and I took the same opportunity while she was out of bed. Luckily, Claire had provided me with a new toothbrush last night and I used it again to rid myself of morning breath.

She was waiting for me in the bed when I returned and I pulled the covers back and climbed in next to her. She snuggled up to me and I wrapped my arm around her, pulling her against me and nothing in the world seemed more perfect than this moment.

I looked at Claire’s clock on the nightstand and it was after eleven o’clock. I had under two hours until my appointed visitation with Harley and Ozzy and I needed to go home to get ready. “I really want to stay in this bed with you all day, but I have somewhere to be soon so I have to go.”

“The family thing?” she quizzed.

“Yeah. I have to be there at one o’clock.”

“I’ll agree to let you go on one account,” she countered.

I was definitely interested in hearing this. “And what’s that?”

She slightly lifted her eyebrows and said, “Kiss me so good I won’t be able to stop thinking about it the rest of the day,” she dared me.

“Oh, I can do that,” I said as she raised up and turned to meet me halfway.

My mouth found hers and she teased me as she playfully nipped at my bottom lip with her teeth, then gently sucked it with her mouth. She didn’t intend for it to be anything other than chaste, but even her innocent kisses drove me crazy with desire.

I rolled on top of her to take control of our kiss and realized too late I wasn’t in command of my body when I felt a heated yearning for her. I kissed down her neck and argued with my mouth when it wanted to go lower, but lost the argument when my lips trailed kisses down between her breasts. I heard her gasp and felt her fingernails press into my back.

I slid down and worshipped her body with my hands while I lifted her shirt to kiss her tiny waist and flat stomach. She whimpered and wiggled beneath me and I realized I was teasing her worst than she had me the previous night.

I stopped to look at her face. She lifted her upper body and propped on her elbows waiting to see what I would say. “What is it?” she asked.

“I’m sorry. I got a little carried away,” I confessed.

She fell back against the pillow and blew out a deep breath. “Ya think? You did that on purpose to teach me what it felt like to need a minute.”

“I didn’t mean to go that far. Really. I’m needing a minute here, too, you know?”

I groaned and collapsed on the bed beside her and we both stared at the ceiling in silence. When I looked back at the clock, it was eleven-thirty and past time for me to go.

“I have to go, Princess. I can’t be late.”

“I know.”

I got out of bed and walked over to where my clothes were folded on her dresser. I dropped the pajama bottoms I borrowed and pulled on my jeans and shirt while she watched me from her bed.

She looked ready to bust out laughing. “What?”

She laughed and said, “I wondered if you were a briefs or boxers man.”

“And now you don’t have to wonder anymore.”

“Nope. I don’t have to wonder anymore,” she agreed.

I sat by her on the edge of her bed to put on my shoes. When I finished, she slid over and put her arms around my waist with her head against my back. “I love you,” she whispered.

I turned my head and whispered over my shoulder. “I love you, too.”

I took her hand around my waist and lifted it to my lips for a kiss. “I gotta go, Princess.”

She got out of her bed to walk me out the door. “Turn the alarm on when I’m out the door, okay?”

“I’ll be fine and my parents will be home soon so don’t worry.”

“I know, but now it’s my job to worry about you because you’re my girl.”

She smiled and said, “I love it when you call me that,” and hugged me to her tightly before I left the woman I loved to go see the brothers I also loved.

* * *

I pulled up at the Stevens’ house a few minutes before one and saw Harley’s and Ozzy’s faces pressed against the glass of the big window in the front of the house. As I walked toward the house, the boys came running out yelling, “Jessie, Jessie,” and met me in the yard, nearing tackling me to the ground.

I stood on the lawn with a kid hanging on each leg and I squatted down to hug them. “Happy birthday, guys!”

“Did you bring us presents, Jess?” Ozzy asked while he was repetitively patting my shoulder to get my attention.

“Of course I have gifts for my birthday boys. You know I wouldn’t forget.”

“Where are they? I want mine now,” Harley informed me.

“Harley, I know you’re excited, but what do we say about patience?” I reminded him.

“A man who masters patience can master anything,” he sang in a knowingly voice.

The Stevens seemed like a nice family and I was grateful for them providing Harley and Ozzy with a stable home, but I admit it irritated me to have to ask permission to spend time with my own brothers since I was the one that had parented them since their births four and five years ago.

“I need to talk to Mr. and Mrs. Stevens first, and if it’s alright with them, I want to take you out for a little while.”

The boys pulled on my arms, dragging me toward the house. “Ask them now cause I know they’ll say yes.”

I went in the house and spent a little time with Mr. and Mrs. Stevens and they were very complimentary about the boys’ behavior. When I asked permission to take the boys out for the afternoon, they agreed to allow me three hours with them and I thought the park sounded like a good idea.

I didn’t know if Mr. and Mrs. Stevens would have a birthday cake for Harley and Ozzy, so I bought them a small cake and put four candles on one side and five on the other. We sat at a picnic table and I sang happy birthday to them and let them blow out their candles and make a wish.

“I wished for you to come live with us at Brian and Heather’s house,” Harley informed me.

“Harley, you’re not supposed to tell anyone what you wished for or it won’t come true,” I told him.

He shrugged his shoulders. “It ain’t gonna come true anyway, so it don’t matter no way.”

“You never know,” I encouraged.

Ozzy piped in and said, “I’m not telling what my wish was cause I want it to come true.”

I put a piece of cake in front of Harley and he looked at Ozzy. “Don’t get your hopes up.”

“Sometimes hope is all you have, so you shouldn’t take that away from him, Harley.”

I passed some cake to Ozzy and his face broke into a huge grin. “Chocolate. My favorite.”

They finished their cake then opened the gifts I bought for them. I didn’t have much money to spend, so it was a good thing it didn’t take expensive gifts to please them.

My time with the boys was too short, but I returned them to Brian and Heather when the three hours were up and then the worst part came. They cried and begged me to not leave them, so I made promises to see them again soon. As I pulled away, I promised myself that we would be together as a family again one day. I didn’t know how I was going to pull it off, but I would find a way to make it happen.

25 Kiss and Tell

Claire

I opened my front door and Payton shouted, “Start from the beginning because I want to know everything.”

I stepped back from the door. “Would you like to get through the door first?”

She barged through the door. “I want to hear about some heat, so don’t you dare give me the spicy edit version. I want the full Monty.”

We plopped down on the couch together. “I’m so crazy about him, Payton. The feelings I have for him are so different from the way I felt about Forbes. They are so intense and I know what people are going to think and say about us, but I don’t care. I honestly don’t care.”

She pointed her finger at me. “That’s called love-the real and authentic kind. I know I said some harsh things about him and I’m sorry for judging, but I want you to be happy and if it’s him that does that, then I say go for it.”

“Thank you for understanding. I don’t know what I’d do if you didn’t.” Then it dawned on me she didn’t approve of Forbes, so this really was a step up.

She raised up to sit on her leg, making herself comfortable on the sofa. “Tell me all about last night.”

“He spent the night,” I squealed loudly.

Payton covered her hand with her mouth while bugging her eyes at me. “No friggin’ way. Did you play carpenter and let him nail you?”

She had such a way with words. “How romantic, but the answer is no. We did not play carpenter.”

She looked at me suspiciously and asked, “Did you plan that without telling me?”

“No, it didn’t go down the way you’re thinking. I’m still having a little trouble believing what happened,” I explained.

She screeched in frustration. “What happened? You’re killing me here.”

I reiterated every detail about the previous night and she sat in disbelief.

“Claire, you’ll need to thank Forbes for that stupid move later because you couldn’t have planned it better if you tried. What’s killing me is that I can’t believe you slept with him in your bed and didn’t let him hit it. Who’s urge meter was on the fritz-his or yours?”

There was nothing wrong with my urge department. “No, both of our meters were 100% intact and he had to make me cool my jets.”

She lifted her eyebrows and nodded at me. “You are so going to do him. I can tell.”

I slapped her on the leg. “Payton! You know I’m not like that.”

She laughed at me and said, “Maybe you weren’t like that with Forbes, but things are different between you and Jessie. He does something to you that Forbes never could. I saw it the first day of school. He’s your wonderwall.”

“My wonderwall?”

“Yeah. You know, the person you’re in love with and think about all the time,” she explained.

I began nodding. “Yeah, I guess he is my wonderwall because I love him. I really, truly, madly love him. Now, I have to tell my parents about him. He’s coming next weekend to meet them and I’m nervous about what they’ll think of him. He’ so different from what they’re use to with Forbes.”

“It could a little culture shock for them, but it will be good for them and I think they’ll eventually be okay with the relationship once they get to know him and get past the whole sexy convict appearance.”

I hated it when she called him that. “You’ve got to stop saying that about him. He’s not a convict. He is a law abiding citizen. In fact, he wants to be a lawyer.”

When she recovered from her brief moment of shock, she said,“Whoa, wasn’t expecting that.”

“Me either,” I admitted.

“Surely, that will score some points with your parents,” she encouraged.

I didn’t want to consider the outcome of their disapproval. “I hope so because I don’t know what I’d do if they don’t approve of him. I’m not willing to give him up because they think he’s not good enough or not the right kind of guy for me.”

We heard the door from the garage open and my mom called out, “We’re home.”

“In here,” I announced from the living room.

My mom came into the living room and sat in the chair across from me and Payton.

“Have a good time?” I asked my mom.

She sat up so properly with perfect posture even after driving for hours in the car. “Yes. It was wonderful to get away from the hospital and the constant beeping of the pager. We should do it more often because I feel so refreshed.”

I was definitely fine with them getting away more often because that potentially meant more sleepovers with Jessie. “You should do it more often because you and Dad deserve a break from all the chaos.”

She told us about their short weekend trip to the mountains while Dad unloaded the car. When she finished, she asked about my weekend and I wondered if it was the right time to bring up Jessie and my break up with Forbes.

Dad had not questioned me about seeing me kissing Jessie at the hospital, but I was positive he would have told my mom. I decided Payton’s presence could be the ideal buffer for this conversation, so I decided to go for it.

I told her, “Mom, I have some news for you and Dad. I broke up with Forbes this weekend.”

She relaxed her pasture and leaned back into the chair, positioning herself as she did when she was in the counseling mode.“Would your break up have anything to do with a certain young man you were seen kissing in the emergency room earlier this week?”

I knew my dad wouldn’t have kept it from her. “Yes and no. I say no because I don’t think I’ve ever had girlfriend type feelings for Forbes, but I say yes because I didn’t see that until I met Jessie.”

She seemed pleased with what I was sharing with her. “So, the mystery boy’s name is Jessie?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“I’ve been feeling a little left out since I was the only one that hadn’t met this Jessie,” she confessed.

“I’ve asked him to come over next weekend if you and Dad are free. I want you to meet him because I know you’ll both think he’s as wonderful as I do,” I reassured her.

“We’re both off next weekend, so I think that will work, but I’ll need to check with your dad first,” she agreed, then asked, “Is he cute?”

Was he ever! I think I wanted to have babies with him just so my kids might have a chance of getting his eyes.

I giggled at my silly thought and said, “Mom, he is so gorgeous. He has the most captivating blue eyes I’ve ever seen.”

My mom smiled as though she was happy for me. “You look so giddy. You’re beaming just talking about him. I’m glad you’ve moved on from Forbes even if it might be a little awkward with the Hendersons. I’ve known for a long time that he didn’t have the it factor for you and I can tell by the look on your face that this new guy in your life certainly isn’t lacking it.”

I decided to get it all off my chest and put it out in the open. “I’ve been so scared that you and Dad would be upset with me for breaking up with Forbes.”

“We love the Hendersons, but we would never want you to date their son if you didn’t want to. We knew it was only a matter of time before someone else would come along to strike your fancy and it looks like the time is here.”

I felt so relieved and triumphant. This was actually happening and unexpectedly going well at the same time. I got up from the couch and went over to hug my mom. “Thank you, mom. I feel so much better now.”

My dad walked in and said, “Did you miss us that much while we were gone?”

I walked over to my dad to hug him. “I missed you, too.”

While I hugged my dad, my mother said, “Don’t be fooled, sweetheart, because that isn’t what this is about. Your daughter just told me she has broken up with Forbes and has a new guy in her life. Just like you said, so you were right.”

“Aren’t I always right, DeeDee?” my dad asked, calling my mom by his pet name for her.

“Not the times when I am right,” she playfully argued.

“Okay, I’ll let you have that one,” my dad conceded.

My mom and dad decided to get the unpacking done instead of putting it off and I waited until they were gone from the room to start jumping up and down with joy. “I can’t believe how easy that was.”

“You’re so lucky your parents are cool like that. I wish mine were more like yours.”

“I know. I have great parents, even better than I thought and I can’t wait for Jessie to meet them.”

* * *

The week at school went just as I thought it would-Jessie and I were the talk of the school, but I didn’t care. I no longer had to hide my feelings for him and I proudly showed him affection every opportunity I had, letting the world know he was mine.

Saturday evening arrived and my confidence about Jessie meeting my parents had progressed into full blown certainty. I had talked with my mom throughout the week, giving her little tidbits of information about Jessie and my apparent happiness with him seem to make her happy.

Seven o’clock arrived and I waited anxiously for Jessie to arrive. I stood by the window in the living room watching for his truck, nervously pulling the curtains back every few seconds.

“Claire, you’re going to jerk the drapes off the rods if you don’t leave them alone,” my mom warned.

“Sorry. I’m just really excited and anxious and nervous. I really want you to like Jessie because he means a lot to me,” I admitted.

My mom smiled and gave me a reassuring hug. “I know, Claire. Stop worrying. If you like him, I’m sure your dad and I will like him,” my mom said, trying to put my mind at rest.

I heard his loud truck in the front of the house and my heart was beating a million miles a minute.

“He’s here,” I said as looked out the window. “Will you let me bring him in the kitchen to meet you so it doesn’t feel so formal?”

“Kitchen it is,” my mom laughed because she thought I was being silly.

“Where’s dad?” I panicked.

“His office.”

I straightened my dress and stood at the door waiting for his knock. When I heard the three thumps, I casually opened the door to find Jessie standing there not quite looking like my Jessie.

He was wearing a checked button up shirt with the sleeves rolled just below his elbows and khaki cargo pants. I knew the longer sleeves were to hide his tattoos and my heart leapt because I knew his choice of attire was all in an attempt to gain my parent’s approval although I never wanted him to pretend he was something he wasn’t.

“Who are you and what have you done with my boyfriend?” I whispered.

He smiled and held out his hands. “Does this pass inspection?”

I stepped outside the door and gave him a quick kiss and said, “You always pass inspection.” I reached up to wipe the evidence of our kiss from his lips and asked, “So, are you ready for this?”

He swallowed hard. “Ready as I’m ever gonna be, Princess.” He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes, telling me he wasn’t so sure.

“Don’t worry. You’ve got this,” I encouraged. “I love you, so there’s no way they won’t love you.”

I opened the door and took his hand in mine, pulling him inside. His resistance made me feel like I was dragging the sacrifice to the alter, but everything would be fine in a minute and then he could relax.

26 Lamb to the Slaughter

Jessie

I was a coward. I wanted to turn tail and run, but I didn’t because this wasn’t about me. This was about making Claire happy. If it required me doing the parent thing, there would be no debate-I would do it for her.

If I was going to meet her parents, I wanted to win their approval. Nothing would suck worse than Claire’s parents hating me, so I admit I wore the shirt to hide my tattoos. I wasn’t ashamed of them, but I thought they might distract them from getting to know me if they became fixated on that part of me.

She looped her arm through mine and squeezed my upper arm as we walked through they foyer. “You didn’t have to hide them.”

I cupped my hand over hers around my bicep. “I know, but I wanted them to see me, not the ink. I guess I was afraid they might not be able to see the forest for the trees.”

She nodded. “I get it, but please know it isn’t necessary.”

Her father entered the living room as we did. “Dad, you remember meeting Jessie at the hospital?”

“I certainly do. It’s good to see you again, Jessie,” he said as he walked across the room.

Claire let go of my arm and I reached to shake her father’s hand. “It’s good to see you again, Dr. Deveraux.”

“I made it to the game last night since my wife worked late. It didn’t appear that you were having any problems throwing with your arm.”

“No, sir. I haven’t had any problems with it since the feeling returned,” I gladly answered.

He gestured toward the couch and said, “Have a seat,” then continued, “you are an extremely talented young man. College scouts are definitely going to be looking at you.”

I began to relax a little after I saw the direction the conversation was taking because I could talk football with anyone. “I hope so, sir. I’m hoping for a scholarship.”

“I wouldn’t worry if I were you. I have a feeling you’ll get plenty of offers if you continue to play as well as you did last night. What are your plans after high school, besides playing football on a college level?” he asked and I wondered if it was his test to see if I was worthy of his daughter.

“I’m going to become a lawyer-a prosecutor.”

“That is great goal, Jessie. I know your family must be so proud.”

I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to tell a lie I couldn’t fix later. He seemed pleased by my goals and said, “Claire, honey, why don’t you take Jessie to the kitchen to meet your mother? I’ll join you in a minute. I need to finish up something in my office that won’t take but a second.”

Claire was smiling from ear to ear and I knew she was happy with the way things were going. “Sure, dad.”

We walked toward the kitchen and she reached for my hand. “My dad was the one that had me a little nervous, but that went super. My mom will be an ace in the hole. She’s very excited about meeting you.”

We entered the kitchen and Mrs. Deveraux was bent over checking the bread in the oven and Claire gave me a wink before she said, “Mom, I want you to meet someone,” causing her mother to straighten up and turned around. “Mom, this is Jessie Boone. Jessie, this is my mom, Deandra Deveraux.”

No. No. No. This couldn’t’ be happening. I felt my heart begin to speed and I heard the pounding in my ears. I became lightheaded and dizzy as I stared at my psych counselor, Deandra, in disbelief.

Claire squeezed my hand. “Jessie, is something wrong? You look like you just saw a ghost.”

I wish it was. A ghost would have been preferable. “No, I’m fine.”

Shock also flooded her face, but she managed to reel it back in and said, “It’s very nice to meet you, Jessie. Claire has told us some wonderful things about you.”

She stepped over and pulled out the same barstool I had occupied on the night Claire cooked for me. “Please, come sit at the bar and drink something. You look a bit pale. Claire, fix Jessie something to drink.”

I sat down in shock for more than one reason. First, Claire was Deandra’s daughter. What were the odds of the one girl in the world I loved with all my heart being the daughter of the woman that knew my deepest and darkest secrets? Secondly, she was pretending she didn’t know me. I didn’t understand why she wasn’t screaming for me to get out of her house because she knew what I was and where I came from.

Claire was across the room getting ice from the refrigerator and Deandra whispered, “I won’t tell her anything because I can’t. I am bound ethically.”

A moment later, Claire was by my side with a drink. “Drink this. Maybe it will make you feel better.”

The dizziness had passed and I took a big gulp, but didn’t say anything as I stared at the floor.

“Better?” Claire asked hopefully.

I looked up from the floor and nodded. “I think so.”

The timer on the oven went off and Deandra took the bread from the oven. She looked at me after placing the pan on top of the stove and said, “I hope you feel well enough to stay for dinner. We’re having grilled tuna steaks.”

“Tuna steak isn’t weird. Remember, I told you she isn’t brave enough to try weird,” Claire reassured me.

My mind buzzed. I wanted to run so I could get away from the woman that knew more about me than any mother should know about her daughter’s new boyfriend. I looked at Claire and saw how happy she was and asked myself how I could ruin this time for her.

Claire and Deandra finished cooking dinner and prepared the table while I sat at the bar deciding how I thought this night might play out. Were we really going to sit through dinner pretending we didn’t know one another? Then, I thought of her words. She was ethically bound and couldn’t tell Claire anything-meaning she expected me to tell her.

Like everything in my life, it was a hopeless situation. There was no way she would allow Claire and I to be together. I winced because she knew I was drug dealer, not of my own accord, but ultimately that wouldn’t matter in the eyes of a mother.

“Everything is ready. Claire, would you go tell your dad that dinner is ready?” There it was. Her way of getting me alone so she could tell me how I was going to end things with her daughter.

I watched Claire walk out of the kitchen and I waited for her instructions. “I will not tell Claire you were my patient, but you will end your relationship with my daughter. I don’t care what you have to tell her. I won’t have her tied up in the things you are involved in and I know you know what I mean.”

She was right. I should have never considered the possibility of having someone like Claire. “I had no idea she was your daughter.”

“I believe you, but it doesn’t change things. I won’t allow you to be a part of her life,” she promised.

Our private conversation was interrupted when Claire and Dr. Deveraux entered the kitchen. “Smells great, DeeDee,” Claire’s dad complimented as we went into the dining room and sat down.

While I waited for everyone else to begin eating, Deandra said, “Claire and Warren tell me you are quite the quarterback. Warren says you’re so talented that you’ll have college scouts buzzing all around East Franklin before the season ends.”

There was no need in pretending I didn’t need a scholarship for college. “I sure hope that happens because I’m counting on a football scholarship.”

“You must have good grades if you’re in the advanced placement class with Claire. You could be offered an academic scholarship as well as an athletic,” Dr. Deveraux suggested.

“I have a 4.0 GPA, so I guess it’s a possibility,” I proudly offered.

“I didn’t know that,” Claire said.

“It never came up,” I defended.

“Looks like Brad isn’t your only competition for valedictorian.” Deandra said as part of the facade so she didn’t come out looking like the culprit when all of this ended.

“Sounds like I may need to step up my game,” Claire laughed.

I didn’t say much during dinner and I noticed Claire watching me curiously. I knew she was wondering what was up and I would have questions to answer when we were alone later.

When we finished dinner, Claire said, “Jessie and I are going up to my room if it’s alright,” and I waited for Deandra’s dispute.

Claire’s dad gave his approval before Deandra could make a dispute. “You know the policy. Keep the door open.”

“I know, Dad,” Claire said and I wondered if we would get the same response if he knew I had stayed in his house all night in his daughter’s bed the previous weekend.

I followed Claire to her room and she sat next to me on the edge of her bed. She leaned over and bumped her shoulder against mine. “Hey, do you still feel bad because you were so quiet at dinner?”

“I guess I’m just nervous,” I lied.

She was leaning against me with her head tilted toward me. “You shouldn’t be nervous because they love you just like I do. I knew they would so all this nervousness was for nothing.”

She shoved me back on the bed and crawled over me, kissing me on my neck. “Whoa, Claire. Your parents are downstairs,” I whispered.

She looked down at me smiling. “You never call me Claire, so you must really be nervous, but don’t worry about them. Their bedroom is downstairs and they never come up here, so they aren’t going to catch us.”

She went back to kissing me on my neck and she began to unbutton my shirt. I gave her a gentle nudge away and said, “I don’t feel right about doing this. What if one of them came up and we didn’t hear them. They would freak if they walked in on us like this.”

“You’re right and I’m sorry I’m making you feel uncomfortable, but you have this unintentional way of making me want you so badly. I’m not always in control with you and I’m sorry you’re often forced to wrangle me,” she confessed.

The whole Deandra thing had thrown me for a loop and I wasn’t sure I would ever be normal around Claire again. I had some serious thinking to do. “I think I’m gonna go.”

“Nooo. Please don’t go. I’m sorry. I’ll be good. No more make out sessions. I promise.” She climbed off of me and reached for the remote on her nightstand. “We can watch television. See? It will be very innocent.”

Even if I stayed, I wouldn’t be with her because my mind would somewhere else pondering how to handle this situation-how to end things with the one that meant everything to me.

“I’m sorry. I have to go,” I said, not offering a reason why.

She was so disappointed and I was sick with the thought of hurting her, but I had things to sort out and being with her in this house wasn’t the way to get it done.

“Can I see you tomorrow?” she asked.

That wasn’t a good idea. “I have a lot to do tomorrow, so I don’t think it will work out.”

The look on her face was full of hurt and I thought about how that was only a prelude to the pain I was going to cause her when she found out everything about me. I stood and she followed me as I walked to the front door.

We passed through the living room where her parents were and I said, “It was nice meeting you both and thank you for dinner, Mrs. Deveraux. I really enjoyed it.” It felt like a lie to pretend we didn’t know each other and I didn’t care for the way it made me feel.

“Thank you for coming, Jessie. It was very nice to see you again,” Dr. Deveraux told me.

“It was nice to meet you, Jessie, and I hope you’ll come back.” Deandra said. I thought the coming back part was laying it on a little thick because we both knew I wouldn’t be back in her home or dating her daughter.

Claire was going to walk me to my truck, but I didn’t give her the chance when I turned and said, “I’ll see you on Monday,” as I gave her a curt wave.

I knew she was pondering how the night had started out so well and abruptly went down hill as she stood outside her front door and watched me get into my truck and drive away.

As I drove home, I thought about the things I had told Deandra. She knew nearly every detail of my life, so I couldn’t blame her for not allowing Claire to be with me. There was no use in even trying to persuade her otherwise, so I had to decide how to do this. I had to choose my poison and decide how I would I break Claire’s heart?

27 WTH?

Claire

Why did it feel like Jessie just walked out of my life?

I wanted to cry. Things had started out so perfectly with Dad, then everything seemed to suddenly go wrong when he met Mom. I know I didn’t imagine it and I was going to get down to the bottom of it.

I hurried inside and went to the living room to confront my mom. “Something is wrong with Jessie. He was fine when he got here. He and Dad were hitting it off great and I watched him change the second he came into the kitchen to meet you.”

I let my unspoken accusation linger as I watched her face for any sign of an explanation. When she looked blank, I asked, “What happened, Mom? I don’t understand.”

“I don’t think he felt well, Claire. He probably wanted to leave earlier, but stayed for dinner out of courtesy,” she stated.

My dad interjected to support me. “He didn’t seem ill when I spoke with him. I thought he seemed glad to be here, maybe a little nervous, but he was fine. I also saw a change in him at dinner, so I have to agree with Claire. Something occurred from the time I spoke with him until I saw him again at dinner.”

My mother looked uneasy. “The only thing I can say is that I didn’t do anything to Jessie.”

“Did you say something to him when I walked out of the room?” I accused.

She looked like she was choosing her words carefully. “We did speak when you went to get your father,” she admitted.

“What did you say to him?” I yelled.

She shut her eyes and lifted her head toward the ceiling. “I can’t tell you, Claire,” she answered.

“Mom, there’s only one reason you would say you can’t tell me what you talked about with Jessie.”

She didn’t reply and I felt my stomach drop to my feet. “Omigod, Mom. Jessie is your patient!”

“I cannot confirm nor deny that,” she said in her most clinical voice.

“Mom! It’s no wonder he clammed up all the sudden if he is your patient. He’s never going to come back,” I screamed.

“You know I have an oath and I can’t tell you anything, Claire.”

I felt the tears welling up in my eyes. “This isn’t about your stupid oath. It’s about me and Jessie. I love him, Mom, and I need you to make this right. I want you to tell him you don’t hold anything he has told you against him and he is welcome in our home.”

“Claire, this is a very delicate situation,” my dad defended.

My mom wouldn’t look at me.

I needed to talk to Jessie. Now. But I didn’t know where he was or where he lived. I stormed out of the kitchen and went to my bedroom to find my phone. I called Jessie, but he didn’t answer and I wasn’t surprised. I sent a text telling him I needed to talk to him, but I didn’t expect a response after what had just unraveled.

I called Dane, the only person I could think of that might know where Jessie lived. “Hey, Dane. This Claire. I’m trying to find Jessie and I don’t know where he lives. Do you know?”

“He’s never taken me to his house because we’ve always hung out at my place. The things he has mentioned makes me think he lives on the South side of the county. I have a hunch he lives in that trailer park on the county line, but I’ve never asked him or mentioned it because I didn’t want to embarrass him.”

I’d never had a reason to explore the South side, so I wasn’t familiar with the area at all. “I don’t know where you’re talking about. Would you mind taking me?”

He hesitated like he was thinking it over. “Are you sure that’s a good idea? I mean, if he wanted you at his house, wouldn’t he have taken you there?”

“He wouldn’t have taken me there if he’s too embarrassed by where he lives, but I want him to know he shouldn’t be.”

I could tell he didn’t want to upset his friend, but he finally conceded, “I’ll take you if you really want me to, but it may not even be where he lives. The only thing we can do is drive out that way and look for his truck.”

I was willing to try anything. “If you’re not in the middle of anything too important, I really want you to take me. I need to see him, Dane.”

I sent up a prayer and waited for Dane’s answer. “Okay, I’ll come by your place in about fifteen minutes.”

I sighed a breath of relief. “I’ll be watching for you. And Dane…thank you so much.”

“Well, I’m not taking the blame if we find him and he’s mad as hell about you showing up at his place without an invite,” he warned.

“I promise I’ll take all the blame,” I assured him.

When Dane pulled into my driveway, I raced out the door before he had a chance to get out of his car. I got in and told him again how grateful I was for his help, then he drove in the direction of where he suspected Jessie lived.

I had never been out that way, but there was a distinct difference in the housing the further south we drove. We left the grand two stories behind us and progressively drove into what most of my friends would refer to as a ghetto.

I hoped Dane was wrong about where Jessie lived, but if he wasn’t, it didn’t matter. I loved him and I didn’t care what kind of house he lived in or if he didn’t have money.

Dane turned into a place where mobile homes were lined with only enough room for a built on porch and a couple of cars in between. We searched for Jessie’s truck as he slowly drove through the trailer park, but didn’t see a sign of it and my hopes began to fade.

Dane saw the disappointment on my face. “I guess I was either wrong about this being the place or he didn’t go home after he left your house.”

I began to cry out of my desperation to find Jessie and need to straighten things out between us. “Thanks for trying, Dane,” I whimpered.

Dane tried to comfort me by saying, “Please don’t cry, Claire. I’m sure it’s not as bad as you think. I know that Jessie is crazy about you, so I’m sure you’ll work it out.”

“I don’t know if we will, Dane. It’s pretty serious,” I sobbed as I continued to search for Jessie’s truck in every yard we drove by.

I finally gave up after two hours of riding around and told Dane he could take me home. I tried one last time to call Jessie, getting his voicemail again. “Jessie, please call me. I really need to talk to you.”

* * *

Sunday came and went without hearing a word from Jessie and I was terrified he had decided things weren’t going to work between us. I didn’t sleep well for a second night and I got up while it was still dark to get ready for school on Monday morning.

I waited in Humanities impatiently and felt short of breath when he finally came through the door. This was it-the moment of truth.

He took the seat next to me, put his backpack down, then looked over at me and softly said, “Hey, Princess.”

Hearing him call me Princess made me feel a little more at ease. “Hey, you,” I said, keeping with our usual routine. I looked down at my notebook and doodled as I added, “You didn’t return my calls or texts.”

When he started to answer, I looked over at him. “I’m sorry. I know you’re probably a little confused about what is going on with me, but we don’t have time to get into everything before class. Will you meet me after practice so we can talk?”

“Of course I will,” I agreed. “Do you want me to meet you by your truck?”

“Yeah, that will work.” He didn’t look at me and I took that as a bad sign, so I was a bundle of nerves the rest of day.

After practice, I waited for him by his truck while my stomach was busy tying itself in knots. I dreaded this conversation because I was certain it was going to be near impossible to convince him that his sessions with my mom weren’t relevant to our relationship.

He looked so exhausted when he walked toward me from the field and I wondered if it was from practice or if he was as sleep deprived as me. “You look really tired. Is now a bad time for us to talk because we can wait if you want?”

He shook his head. “No. I need to do this.”

His words caused my heart to pick up speed because I didn’t like what they implied. I got in the truck with him and he dropped his head back against the seat and closed his eyes.

“You said you needed to do this. What does that mean? What do you need to do?” I asked while I braced myself for the worst.

He inhaled deeply, then slowly blew the air out through his pursed lips. “I don’t want to see you anymore. I pretended I was in love with you because I wanted to see if I could take you from Forbes. Looks like I did a pretty good job and I have to thank you for making it so much fun for me. I thought I could get in your pants, but since you shut me down on that, there’s really no need to continue this.”

“I don’t believe you. I know this is about something else,” I argued.

He turned to look out the window as he said, “Just because you don’t believe it doesn’t mean it isn’t true.”

“You’re lying. You won’t even look me in the face when you say it,” I challenged.

He hurled across the seat and grabbed my jaw. “Every time you teased me I was thinking about how I was going to screw Gretchen when I got away from you. That’s right, Claire. I’ve been sleeping with her all along.”

I felt the tears swelling, threatening to spill from my eyes. This wasn’t about my mom at all. I was only a game to him. It was never real. He didn’t love me because if he did, he would never have used Gretchen to hurt me like that.

I felt the tears rolling down my face as he held it firmly in his hand. This wasn’t what I expected and I was completely unprepared for it. I jerked away from him and silently stared at him for a moment before I opened the passenger door. I stumbled when I stood, my legs threatening to give away on me because they felt like gelatin.

I left his passenger door standing open and ran toward my car to throw myself inside. I had no idea how long I sat there staring blankly at my steering wheel, but there wasn’t a car remaining in the lot when I finally looked up. I turned to look where Jessie’s truck was parked and it was gone as well.

When I gathered myself enough to drive home, I felt numb. I parked in my usual spot, but had no memory of how I got there. It was like an out of body experience and someone else had driven home for me.

I walked in the house and my mom said something that sounded like static and I ignored her. I climbed the stairs to my bedroom and threw myself across my bed, the one I had shared with Jessie not so long ago.

I heard my mom knock, then ease my door open. “Can I come in?”

I didn’t answer and she mistook that as an invitation. She sat next to me on the bed and stroked my hair the way she did when I was a little girl. “I take it things didn’t go well today.”

“Jessie broke up with me.” I still couldn’t believe it even as I heard myself say the words.

“Do you want to talk about it?” she asked.

I wasn’t ready because the cut was too fresh and deep. “I can’t right now.”

“It’s okay. You know you can tell me anything when you decide you’re ready. I’m always here for you.” She pulled me close and hugged my tightly.

“Mom, don’t be shocked if I’m never ready.”

28 That’s Going to Leave a Mark

Jessie

Damn. That was going to leave a mark.

Claire was my everything and now I was back to having nothing. It was like I had watched her slip from my grasp in slow motion as I told her the darkest lie to ever leave my lips.

I took one look at the devastating expression on her face and knew she believed my deception. I couldn’t feel more wretched, but it was necessary for her to believe I didn’t love her. Otherwise, she wouldn’t let me go and eventually be led to the whole truth about me.

I needed to talk to someone-a person that knew Claire. Dane was the only person to come to my mind, so I drove in the direction of his house.

When he answered the door, he was still wearing his clothes from practice. “I need you to come out and run with me.”

He looked at me like I was crazy. “Dude, you are out of your mind. My ass is dragging and yours should be too, so why would you want to run after that intense workout Coach gave us today?”

“Because I need to talk to you.”

He laughed and shook his head. “We can talk without running.”

I needed the running as a distraction to keep this from becoming so uncomfortable. “Will you come or not?”

He sighed deeply. “Hell, I don’t want to, but I guess I will.”

We started running and I couldn’t find the words I needed to begin, then Dane prompted me by saying, “I’m only giving you one block, so this conversation is becoming shorter as we make the circle back around to my house.”

Seeing I was on a time restraint, I said, “I broke up with Claire.”

I heard the confusion in his voice. “Why would you do that? You love her.”

The good thing about running was I didn’t have to look at him when I explained. “I do love her, but there are things she doesn’t know-bad things that would ruin the way she feels about me. I’m no good for her. Hell, I’m no good for anyone and it was only a matter of time before she figured it out on her own.”

“A chicken shit-that’s what you are. You’re scared and you’re letting her go so you don’t have to take a chance because it’s easier than getting hurt,” he accused.

“That’s not true.”

He was ready for an argument. “It is true and I wouldn’t be much of a friend if I didn’t call you out on it. She knows you don’t come from family with money and she doesn’t care. She was so upset about what ever happened on Saturday night that she had me drive her around for over two hours looking for you because you wouldn’t man up and take her calls.”

“You don’t understand.”

“Try explaining it to me because you’re right-I don’t understand. You love her. She loves you. It’s pretty simple to figure out in my book.”

There wasn’t a way to make him understand without telling him what was going on. “It’s way more complicated than that. I come from something you couldn’t begin to imagine,” I explained.

“How is your family so different?” he questioned.

Something happened in me and I felt like I would snap if I didn’t tell someone what was going on with me because I was sick of living this lie. “Dane, I grew up watching my mom deal drugs for a living. This summer, a man shot and killed her in front of me because he thought she was ripping him off and she probably was. He thought he killed me when he put a bullet in me and all of this happened while my two little brothers hid in a closet in their bedroom. Now, I live with the grandmother that taught my mom how to deal and she is forcing me to deal in exchange for a roof over my head. In the meantime, I have two little brothers in foster care that I have to figure out how to get back and take care of, so don’t try to tell me I left Claire so it would be easier because nothing in my life is easy.”

He stopped running and stared at me.

“I don’t want anyone to know. Especially Claire,” I warned.

“I wouldn’t tell anyone, but you can’t keep doing that, dude. It’s illegal. You could go to jail,” he said like I didn’t already know that was a possibility.

I tried to defend myself and my actions. “Well, right now I need a roof over my head, so I don’t have much of a choice, but that’s not the end of it. Believe it or not, it gets much worse.

He looked at me like it wasn’t possible for it to get worse. “After I was shot, my doctor thought I needed psych counseling so I was referred out for possible post traumatic stress.”

When his eyes grew to the size of saucers, I knew he was putting it together. “Say it isn’t so.”

“Yep, it’s so. Mrs. Deveraux was my counselor. I couldn’t get discharged from her until I started talking so she knows everything about me and I do mean everything. I could have died when I walked up in Claire’s house and saw her on Saturday night. She pretended we didn’t know each other, but only because she didn’t have a choice. She told me to break it off with Claire, so what was I supposed to do?”

I could see his wheels turning, trying to find a solution for me. “Dude, I’m really sorry, because I know how much you love her, but we need to get you away from your grandmother. You can stay with me so you don’t have to deal for her anymore.”

“No, I can’t. I know it sounds terrible to you, but it’s what I’ve known my entire life, so I’m use to it. It’s not so bad and I only have to do it until I graduate. I’m going to get a full time job and find a place to stay until fall semester starts, then I’ll live on campus wherever I go to school.”

“That sounds like a great plan and all, but what if you get caught and go to jail in the meantime?” he proposed.

“I know how to be careful, but I was serious about not telling anyone. You feeling me?”

“I’ve got it,” he promised.

I went back to running and he followed. “I’m sorry, man. I shouldn’t have dumped all of that on you, but I felt like I was going to explode if I didn’t talk to someone soon.”

“I’m glad you trust me enough to confide in me, but I think you should explain everything to Claire. She loves you unconditionally. I saw that on Saturday night.”

“No! She can never know.”

* * *

I wasn’t ready to face Claire, so I didn’t go to school on Tuesday and because it was so easy to not face her on Tuesday, I didn’t go on Wednesday either. I was afraid I might not be allowed to play on Friday night if I cut school more than two days, so I reluctantly returned on Thursday.

I purposely waited until the tardy bell rang before I went to Calculus because it was easier to take the tardy than have the ‘how could you do that to her’ conversation with Payton. I kept my eye on my watch while I waited for the bell to ring and somehow managed to dodge her after class.

I sat in Humanities dreading the moment Claire entered class because I wasn’t sure I could handle seeing that hurt look on her face. The bell rang without a sign of her and Mrs. Tanner said, “Jessie, I’m glad to see you’re back and recovered from whatever put you and Claire out of school this week, but it looks like she isn’t going to make it back today. Do you know if she is doing any better?”

I had news for her. I was no where near recovered and wouldn’t be anytime soon. “No, ma’am. I haven’t talked to her.”

She looked confused as she said, “I hope she is alright.”

She looked at me, waiting for my response, but I couldn’t give her something I didn’t have, so I stared down at my desk and waited for her to take the hint.

I suffered through the hour, then made a second attempt at avoiding Payton when I got to history, but wasn’t so lucky this time around. She sat in front of me in history, then turned around and got in my face. “I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt and listen to your mansplanation before I go postal on your ass.”

I looked down at my notebook because I was afraid she might see what I was trying to hide from her. “I don’t have to explain anything to you.”

She slapped her hand on the desk to get my attention, not caring if she called everyone’s attention to us. “Uh, yeah…you do. I encouraged Claire to pursue a relationship with you all based on what you led me to believe, so you do owe me an explanation.”

It was time to get her off my trail. “I played you and I played her-pretty well I might add. It was always about taking her from Forbes, but when she wouldn’t sleep with me, I was done with her because I have better ways to spend my time.”

She wrinkled her forehead as she looked at me. “I don’t know what’s going on here, but I don’t believe you.”

“What are you? A human lie detector?” I laughed.

She stared me down and said, “When someone tells a lie, the grimace that accompanies it always tells the truth and that’s a fact, Jack.”

Mr. Buckley ended our showdown when he began class and I couldn’t have been more relieved. That girl was too perceptive for her own good and if I wasn’t careful, she was going to crack this case wide open.

29 What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Stronger

Claire

I was surprised my mom allowed me to cut school for three days. She knew how hurt I was, but when Friday morning came, she came into my room and told me I couldn’t avoid life forever and the time had come for me to return to school.

I knew she was right, but that didn’t mean I didn’t dread going. I didn’t want to see Jessie because I wasn’t sure I could without completely breaking down.

Although my mom flipped my bright light on, I laid in my bed and thought about how Payton had called me after school yesterday and told me about her conversation with Jessie. She insisted something was off-that he seemed more affected than he should have been for an asshole that used me like that, as she put it delicately. I reminded myself that she didn’t see the look in his eyes when he grabbed my face and told me how he had used me to get back at Forbes, all while he was sleeping with Gretchen.

I felt nauseous thinking about them together. I remembered the intimate way we kissed and touched and was sickened when I began to wonder how many times I had primed him up so he could go to Gretchen after he left me.

How could I been so stupid? I thought of how I ended things with Forbes for Jessie and I imagined how the whole school must have laughed when they found out about the demise of our brief romance. I bet they all thought I got exactly what I deserved after dumping Forbes. It was absolutely humiliating, but I reminded myself I had done nothing wrong except follow my heart for the first time in my life. Look at what a disaster it had turned out to be.

I closed my eyes to shut out the harsh reality and I heard my mom knock on my door. “Claire, you’re going to be late if you don’t get up and get ready.”

She was right, but I couldn’t bring myself to reply. I dragged myself out of bed while she stood by my door watching me, ensuring I got up and didn’t continue laying there feeling sorry for myself. I went into my bathroom and out of sheer habit turned on my favorite playlist before I got into the shower. I stood under the falling water wishing it would wash away the events of the last few weeks, but unfortunately found it to be unsuccessful.

‘Stronger’ began to play and I listened to the lyrics, reminded that I wasn’t the only person in the world that ever felt this way if there were songs written about the pain following a break up. I wondered why I had spent the last three days thinking the only solution to this was to lay down and die. I was not over because he chose to be out of my life. I wasn’t going to allow what he did to me to kill me. It was going to make me stronger.

I felt a surge of strength I hadn’t had in days and I hurried to get ready, excited about facing the reality of what had happened and showing the world I could stand a little taller. I put on a little more make-up than usual, in hopes of hiding the visible signs of what the last few days had left under my eyes, and put on one of my sassiest dresses and boots.

Looking in the mirror, I felt confident. Who could look at me dressed like this and think I wasn’t so completely over Jessie Boone?

After homeroom, I met up with Payton at our lockers. She took one look at me and said, “Well, somebody looks quite well after not leaving her bed for three days because of a certain unnamed asshole.”

“I’m fine. Really. I’m over it all. It takes more than the likes of Jessie Boone to make me lay down and die,” I said to convince her.

“That’s my girl,” Payton said as she hugged me. “It’s past time to file him under Who Gives a Damn.”

“I wish I hadn’t skipped school for three days like a wuss, but it’s too late to change that now.” When I finished digging around in my locker for my Spanish book, I turned just in time to see him walking toward Calculus and he quickly diverted his eyes when he saw me looking at him. “The only thing I can do is show everyone how unaffected I am by him.”

“Yes! That’s exactly what I needed to hear from you. I was so not looking forward to being all sympathetic and crap, but I still score friend points with you because I was prepared to do it, right?”

It was a stilly game we had played since grade school. “Of course, you still get your friend points.”

“Are you sure you’re prepared for second period with him?” she asked.

“Absotively,” I said as I smiled. Even if I caved on the inside, no one would know because there wasn’t anyone that could put on a better front than Claire Deveraux.

When I entered Mrs Tanner’s class, I confidently sat in my normal seat next to Jessie because I refused to give him the satisfaction of running me off. I had something to prove and this was the first step toward showing him he didn’t have any control over me.

“Claire, I’m glad to see you back in class,” Mrs. Tanner said. ‘I was worried you were quite ill.”

“It was only temporary, Mrs. Tanner,” I assured her, then I looked at Jessie and added, “It took a few days, but I’m very much over it, now.”

He refused to look up at me as I boldly stared at him and I hoped he felt my eyes tangibly all over him.

We didn’t partner on an assignment today and I was disappointed because I had every intention of beginning my quest to prove I was over what happened between us. I didn’t get the satisfaction of proving anything to him because he ignored me in Mrs. Tanner’s class, then again in third period.

I went to Physics and sat behind him and Gretchen. They didn’t act like a couple, but since they were only sleeping together, I guess that didn’t qualify them as one. Seeing them sitting at their table together reminded me of the things Jessie told me and my mind begin to imagine the things he hadn’t. I wanted to cry, but I sucked it up, sat a little straighter and held my head high as I stared straight ahead praying Mrs. Bishop would start talking soon and hold my interest enough to end to my torment.

* * *

Four Weeks and Many Tears Later

The days seem to run together as I masqueraded though my everyday life. I acted as though Jessie never hurt me-that what happened between us was an insane, momentary lapse in judgement on my part. Although I had almost everyone convinced, I couldn’t win over the one that mattered most-myself.

I had fallen back into my relationship with Forbes because it was so familiar and safe. I hoped he would make me forget about the one that devastatingly broke my heart, but he inadvertently became a constant reminder.

On the outside, I acted as though Jessie Boone never entered my life. The inside was entirely a different story and the harder I worked to forget him, the more impossible it became to stop loving him.

They say time heals all wounds, but that had not been the case thus far and tonight felt no different as I sat across from Dane Wickam and his parents at my dining room table. My mind wandered and I became curious if he had known about Jessie’s plan to use me, but sat back and allowed it to happen.

I listened as our parents caught up and occasionally laughed at one of their jokes, but was preoccupied with how I was going to grill Dane when I got him away from our parents.

When our parents left the dining room to sit in the living room, I decided it was time to make my move. “Dane, I need to talk to you for a minute. Will you walk outside with me?”

He wasn’t surprised by my invitation. “Sure.”

We walked out back by the pool and sat on the patio. He didn’t insult me by pretending he didn’t know what this was about. “I’m surprised you haven’t cornered me before now.”

“Believe me…it wasn’t because I didn’t want to. I kept thinking this pain would get better, but it’s only gotten worse over the last month and that isn’t even the most pathetic part.” I didn’t want to cry, but I felt the tears stinging my eyes. “I can’t move on because I still love him even after what he did to me,” I admitted.

He looked torn, like he wanted to say something important. “The only thing I can tell you is that there’s more to this than you know.”

I was shocked by his words and didn’t understand the meaning of them, but they implied Jessie could have feelings for me. “You have to tell me,” I pleaded.

“I believe you have the right to know everything, but it’s not my place to tell you. Jessie has to be the one to tell you,” he explained.

“Tell me what?” I begged.

“He’s either going to hate me or love me for what I’m about to do.”

I felt my hopes lifting higher. “Please, tell me what you’re talking about,” I pleaded.

“I never promised him I wouldn’t tell you this part.” He took a breath and said, “Jessie never used you. Well, maybe he did a little in the beginning, but never the way you think he did. He loves you with all of his heart and soul, but he had reasons for ending things with you-things out of his control. I can’t tell you anything more than that because he has to be the one to tell you the rest.”

I sat in disbelief as I recalled the way things had gone. It was hard for me to believed he loved me after the way he ended things between us. “How do you know he loves me?”

“Because he told me he did. He came to my house after he broke up with you and told me everything. He is incredibly miserable without you, even if he acts like he’s not.” A look of anguish came over his face. “Oh, man, he is going to kill me for telling you all of this.”

I hugged Dane and said, “He’ll never know you told me anything. I promise.”

He almost looked regretful about telling me. “What are you going to do, Claire?” he asked, anxiously.

There was no decision to be made. I was done with these childish games and ready to have Jessie back in my life, regardless of the measures I had to take. “I haven’t decided yet, but can I count on you to help me if I needed you?”

30 I Won’t Let You Be My Fault

Jessie

The last four weeks were a total blur with one exception-I missed Claire fiercely. I was miserable without her and watching her go back to Forbes nearly killed me. The only thing worse than seeing her back with him was the way she seemed so unaffected by our separation. Her smile and laughter never escaped my attention and I admit it hurt to know she could pick up and move on so quickly while I remained stagnant in my misery without her.

Football seem to be the only thing that could bring me any kind of peace. I think it was because the game was the only thing in my life that required enough concentration for me to temporarily get Claire off of my mind.

It was Friday night and I stood on the sideline while my teammates played defense. We were so far ahead that the other team didn’t have a chance at making a comeback and my teammates had already begun to celebrate our victory.

Dane walked up next to me and said, “Hey, Jessie, everyone is going out to Harrison’s to celebrate after the game. You up for it?”

I thought of the night Claire and I snuck into the woods to be together at Harrison’s place the first time we admitted there was something between us and I couldn’t stand the thought of being there without her. “No. I don’t think so.”

“Why not?” he asked like he needed an explanation.

“You know why not.”

He stood shaking his head. “I don’t get it, man. If you won’t be with her, you should at least try to live a little. It wouldn’t kill you to have a little fun. You might actually enjoy it, you know?”

“I have to be at work early in the morning, so there’s no point in going since it will be so late when I get out there.” Yeah, that sounded like a more suitable excuse.

The look on his face told me he knew I was full of it. “So you’re telling me you’re going home and going to bed?”

“Yes, Dane. Rita is gone to Texas on a pharmaceutical run, so I’m by myself and I plan to take advantage. I am going home to get some uninterrupted sleep since I rarely get that. Besides, I have a job that requires me to work all day tomorrow. I don’t get to lay around and sleep half the day like you.”

“Whatever you say, but you’re going to miss out on a lot of fun. You might even find another girl you like besides Claire,” he suggested.

“There’s not a chance of that happening. Trust me,” I reassured him.

“You never know until you try.”

I gave up and didn’t reply because I could see I was getting nowhere with him. He didn’t understand the severe complexity of the situation between me and Claire and I seriously doubted he ever would.

After winning the game, we went in the field house to get changed. I must have overheard a hundred different conversations about going out to Harrison’s, but the one coming from the other side of the lockers caught my attention entirely.

“Claire isn’t coming to Harrison’s because she doesn’t feel good, so I guess it’s boys night out,” I heard Forbes brag.

“Are you going to get with Gretchen again?” I heard from Cooper.

“Shut the hell up, dude. Don’t say that out loud in here. Anyone could overhear you,” Forbes warned.

So, he was doing Gretchen behind Claire’s back. Nice. I bet The Penivore was enjoying her victory.

As I drove home, I felt a bit of satisfaction at knowing Forbes wouldn’t be with Claire tonight, but I didn’t like the idea of him cheating on her either. I had no idea how their relationship had altered over the last few weeks, but I found myself sick with wanting to know if it had become physical. I would kill him if he was double dipping and the more I thought about how far Claire had allowed Forbes to go, the more disgruntled I became.

When I pulled into the drive, I didn’t see a yard full of cars and it was a welcomed site for my eyes because I was long overdue some time without Rita and her horde. After going into the house, I turned on some music and got into the shower. I let the water run over me until there wasn’t one drop of hot water remaining when I finished, which didn’t take long.

I dried off, tied a towel around my waist and walked toward the kitchen, enjoying the freedom of being in the house alone. As I entered the living room, I suddenly realized I wasn’t alone at all when my eyes found a petite little auburn haired girl in an East Franklin cheerleading uniform sitting on the edge of the couch in my grandmother’s run down trailer.

She belonged in this place as much as a beautiful butterfly belonged in a mucky swamp and I felt ill just from the realization of her being in this dump I called home. “What are you doing here?”

She nervously ran her sweaty palms over the skirt of her uniform. “I followed you home after the game. Please, don’t be angry. I want to talk to you. I have things I need to say.”

I remembered Forbes’ words and said, “I thought you weren’t feeling well.”

“That’s what I told Forbes so I could get away from him,” she explained.

“So, you’re back to that place? Oh, that’s classic! You’re lying to your boyfriend so you can sneak away to go slumming and see the skank,” I sneered.

“We wouldn’t be back to that if you hadn’t broken up with me,” she replied as if she still believed we had a real relationship.

Dammit, this wasn’t fair. I had already hurt her once and I shouldn’t have to do it a second time. “Don’t be disillusioned into believing it was a real breakup because we were never a real couple.”

She put her hands over her heart. “The pain inside here tells me it was real. It still tells me that it is and I won’t believe otherwise.”

Now wasn’t the time to cave. “Your mistake,” I said, dryly.

She shook her head as she said, “Our relationship may have begun as a game to show Forbes what you could take from him, but it turned into so much more.”

I shrugged. “Really? Because it sure doesn’t look like much to me.”

“You ended it because you were scared,” she accused.

I threw my hands in the air angrily. “Scared? Scared of what? Forbes?”

“No. You were scared of me finding out the truth about you.”

“And what is the truth about me?” I yelled.

“You didn’t want me to know who you were, where you lived or that my mother is or was your counselor, but I need you to listen very carefully to what I’m about to tell you. I know who you are and I love you with all of my being. I see where you live and I choose to be here with you. I’m not running away and I don’t care about what led up to you becoming my mom’s patient. The only crazy thing about this is us not being together.”

So, she knew I was a patient of her mother’s. “You don’t know anything about me, Claire.”

“You’re wrong. There may be things you didn’t allow me to know about you, but you weren’t playing a game when I sat next to your hospital bed and you told me how scared you were. I saw the real you when you looked into my eyes and told me that you had fallen in love with me.”

It was time to end this and there was only one sure fire way-the truth. “Everything you think you know about me is a lie.”

“There’s nothing that will change the way I feel about you,” she pleaded.

“Can you love a liar? How about somebody with a criminal record? Can you say it has been your life’s aspiration to fall in love with a drug dealer?”

Just as I suspected, she didn’t have a response for that. “You want the truth so badly, I’m gonna give it to you. I’m going to do you a favor and give you the short version. I grew up in a trailer park in Collinsville with an addict for a mother and I’ve never met my dad. I’m not really even sure she knew who he was. My mom, Twyla, was a drug dealer and she used me to infiltrate the school to deal to kids my age.” I pointed to my shoulder and said, “I didn’t get this scar from surgery. I got it this summer when a man came into our house and killed my mother in front of me, then shot me. He thought I was dead and I would have been if my little brothers hiding in the closet hadn’t come out after he left and called for help. Ozzy and Harley were taken by the state and were tossed into the foster care system, but I’m lucky because I get to see them occasionally. The good news for me is that I have Rita, a grandmother willing to take me in, but only if I sell drugs for her. That’s right. You guessed it. Rita is a pharmaceutical sales rep also.”

Claire was silent.

“I don’t want to be like this, but it’s who I am because I don’t have a choice. Even when I get out of here after graduation, I have to figure out how to get Ozzy and Harley out of foster care and take care of them. There are things on my plate that no eighteen year-old should have to worry about and taking me on means taking on my problems. So, you see? You don’t want get mixed up with a guy like me because the only place I can take you is down and your mother knows that. That’s why she told me I had to end things with you.”

She came to me from across the tiny living room and stood silently in front me, staring at me. I swallowed hard as she looked into me eyes and I waited to hear her tell me how she couldn’t be with someone like me.

She looked down from my eyes and reached out to touch the scar on my shoulder. She ran her fingers across it with the softest touch, then leaned forward and placed a soft kiss there. I shut my eyes, squeezing them tightly as I relished the touch of her lips on my skin again after going so long without it. She looked up from her kiss and said, “I want to make all the bad things disappear for you.”

“I wished you could, but the bad things in my life aren’t going anywhere soon and that’s why we can’t be together. I won’t make you a part of this.”

“It’s too late because I’m already a part of this,” she argued.

I shook my head as I pursed my lips. “No! You’re wrong. I won’t let you be my fault.”

She grabbed my face, forcing me to look at her. “We can make this work.”

I reached up to my face and put my hands on top of hers to pull them away. “No, we can’t. Your mother knows everything about me. She won’t allow us to be together.”

“It’s not her decision,” she yelled at me.

I grabbed her by her shoulders. “I won’t let you turn your back on everything for me. I’m not worth it.”

“You have no idea how wonderful you are. You’re so selfless and it’s me that doesn’t deserve you. If my mother knows everything about you, then surely she must see that, too.”

“I highly doubt that,” I laughed.

“I don’t, not even for a second,” she said as she reached on her tiptoes and began to kiss me. She ran her fingers up the back of my neck and into my wet hair as she squeezed me tightly against her. Her kisses became more intense and she began to walk backwards, pulling me with her toward where my bedroom would be.

“What are you doing?” I asked, but she grabbed my hand and pulled me down the hallway toward the bedrooms.

She stopped at the first door and asked, “Is this one yours?”

I nodded because my head was too fuzzy to answer her and she walked into my room, then stood by my bed waiting for me to join her.

She was making it so easy to forget about the reality of our glum future, and in that moment, I neglected to think of anything but having her back in my arms as I closed the distance between us. I took her in my arms and stroked my cheek against hers so lightly it tingled. I moved my lips across her face and they followed the path leading to that special place on her neck that she loved for me to kiss. I heard her moan softly and I slipped my hands up the back of her uniform top to stroke the bare skin on her back.

She began to back toward my bed and fell backwards, pulling me with her. I laid perfectly still, as did she, since my towel was dangerously close to being lost in the tumble. She searched my eyes for any clue as to what my thoughts were, then said, “Make love to me, Jessie.”

I took a deep breath, then blew it out slowly and grabbed my towel as I rolled off of her. “I can’t.”

We laid side by side staring at the droopy ceiling over my bed as it threatened to cave at any minute and she whispered, “Did I do something wrong?”

I continued staring up because I couldn’t look at her. “No, you’re absolutely perfect and you deserve so much more than this. Your first time should be special and this is the complete opposite of special. You can never take it back once it’s done and I don’t want you to ever look back on me as a regret.”

She rolled off of her back and laid on top of me, reaching for the towel barely around my hips. “You are the only thing I need to make this perfect for me.”

I grabbed her wrist. “I’m not going to sleep with you in this run down house trailer like some random whore.”

“Ugh!” she screamed. “Jessie, you have this concrete idea of what perfect should look like and it’s based on what everyone else says it should be, but what if my idea of perfect is something totally different?”

“What is your idea of perfect?” I asked.

“It would be perfect if you spent every night after this remembering how it felt to have me in this bed with you. It would be perfect if you went to sleep every night remembering how it felt to have me under you for the first time. Perfection would be you never wanting another girl like Gretchen because you can’t forget how you made love to me.”

She truly had no idea what she did to me. “I could never want anyone other than you because you have ruined every other girl in the world for me.”

As I laid there considering the idea of how to make this work with her, I heard a pounding on the door and sat up on the bed. “Stay here. Don’t come out no matter what. Got it?”

She nodded as I got up. I quickly pulled on a T-shirt and flannel pants, then went to the door to find one of Rita’s customers.

He stood rubbing his arms and stuttered when he said, “I need to see Rita.”

“She’s not here and she won’t be back for a couple of days.”

I could see he was having some pretty bad withdrawal symptoms before he said, “I’m needing a fix real bad.”

“I can’t help you, man,” I said as I begin to shut the door.

He rammed his shoulder into the door I attempted to close on him. “You might think you’re not gonna help me, but you are because I know Rita has a stash somewhere in this house.”

We were struggling at the door when he suddenly began screaming and rubbing his eyes. I shoved him away from the door and slammed it, then saw Claire standing behind me holding her car keys with the a small can of pepper spray she just used on her keyring.

With a shaky voice, Claire asked me is I was alright and I realized that this was one hell of a wake up call to remind me why Claire and I could never be together.

I looked out the window and watched the man get into the passenger side of a car and leave. When the car was out of sight, I grabbed Claire by the arm and opened the front door. I pulled her outside and walked her to her car and said, “You’ve got to go and I don’t want you to ever come back.”

31 I’ll Take What I Can Get

Claire

I know that didn’t just happen. Yet, here I sat in my car outside Jessie’s house staring at the front door he just drug me through and knew it did. I was so close to having him back, then I watched him begin to slip from my grasp with a simple knock on the front door.

I couldn’t bear to lose him again. I don’t think I could survive it a second time.

I sat in my car in disbelief of the incident that just occurred and decided that this wasn’t over. I got out of my car and stomped back to the front door, but it was locked. I lightly knocked and called for Jessie for a few times, but he didn’t come. I pounded harder on the door and raised my voice, “Jessie, please let me in so we can talk about this.”

As I beat on the door, the fear of reality began to set in and tears rolled down my face as I beat my palm against the door and screamed, “Jessie! Please! I know we can make this work because I love you.”

I slid down the door like a lunatic and sat against it. I continued to beat on the door for the next hour as I cried in desperation, but he ignored me.

A sudden gust of wind blew in, bringing rain with it, and I sat until I was soaked to the bone in my cheerleading uniform. It became apparent after a second hour of unanswered knocking that Jessie didn’t intend on opening the door for me, so I gave up and drove home.

It was one o’clock in the morning when I walked through the door wringing wet. My mother was waiting for me in the living room and said, “You look awful, but I guess you should since you’re supposedly sick.” I didn’t say anything and she continued, “Forbes called to check on you. I told him you were asleep.”

Again, I didn’t respond and she said, “Where have you been since you obviously weren’t with Forbes?”

I could lie and avoid the whole confrontation, but I was ready to get it all out in the open. “You made Jessie break up with me.”

“Claire, come sit with me for a minute so I can talk to you,” she ordered.

I did as she asked and fell into the chair across from where she was stretched out on the couch. She turned the television off and started, “You are my daughter and I love you. What I’m about to tell you goes against everything I stand for as a counselor, but you are more important than any oath I took. I know you love Jessie, but he isn’t who you think he is. He’s dangerous and no good for you. He’ll only hurt you.”

“I know what he has to do for his grandmother, but it’s not because he wants to. He told me everything and it doesn’t change how much I love him. I still want to be with him,” I pleaded to my mom.

She rose from where she laid and sat on the edge of the couch. “Jessie is a nice boy and he has endured some horrific circumstances. It’s an absolute miracle he is still alive, but I won’t allow you to become part of his world. It’s simply too dangerous.”

I felt the fury within me growing. “I just love how the two of you have made all of these decisions about what’s best for me,” I yelled.

“Jessie is smart and he knows your place isn’t with him,” she replied.

“If you know everything about him, then you know he doesn’t want to do it and he’s only living there until graduation,” I explained.

“We are not going to argue about you dating a boy that sells illegal drugs because it’s not happening. This topic is no longer up for discussion.”

I had to make her see. “He’s never had anyone to depend on in his life and look how he has turned out. He’s highly intelligent and so athletically talented. He is going to make something great of himself. He won’t always be like this.”

“Well, you’re not having anything to do with him while he is,” she insisted.

“I’ll be eighteen a few months and you can’t stop me after that,” I screamed in a tantrum as I stormed out of the living room to my bedroom.

I ran up the stairs to my bedroom and slammed the door. I prayed she didn’t come to my room to try to change my mind and she didn’t. It wouldn’t have done any good anyway because I wasn’t giving up until Jessie was back with me.

My mom didn’t allow me out of the house the rest of the weekend for fear I would go to Jessie’s. It was a smart move on her part because that is exactly where I would have headed even if he locked me out of his house and ignored me while I beat and screamed at his door.

Since I was homebound all weekend, I looked forward to school on Monday and I hoped Jessie didn’t skip. My muscles were tense with my jaw clenched tightly while I sat in my car waiting for Jessie because I knew what it was I had to do.

I saw him pull into the parking lot and I scurried out of my car and knocked on the passenger side window before he came to a complete stop. He hesitated and I knew he was weighing the pros and cons of letting me get in his truck, but he leaned over to unlock the door and I jumped inside before he could protest.

We sat in awkward silence for a minute, then I looked down at my hands in my lap. “I’m sorry about Friday night. I shouldn’t have come up in your house without you knowing. I guess that makes me no better than Forbes and I’m sorry I went all crazy on you like I did.”

I looked up and Jessie’s face was turned away from me, staring out the window of his truck. “I wish my circumstances were different, but there’s no way to change my reality right now. I love you with all of my heart, but I can’t have a relationship with you while I’m in the middle of this mess. You’ll end up hurt and I couldn’t live with myself if something happened to you.”

“I’m not afraid.”

He still wouldn’t look at me. “If I’m choosing between being with you or keeping you safe, I’ll choose keeping you safe every time.” He turned to look at me and said, “Friday night was a real eye opener for me. I hate to think what might have happened if he had gotten past me.”

“I think I did a pretty good job of defending you and myself. Do I need to remind you I’m the one that sprayed him with pepper spray?”

“Do I need to remind you that the only reason you had to spray him with pepper spray was because you were with me? In case you have forgotten, it was an addict that came into my house and killed my mom in front of me, then tried to kill me.” He reached out across the truck seat and grabbed my hand. He squeezed it when he said, “I would never forgive myself if…” but he was unable to finish his thought.

I was desperate to maintain any form of contact and I slid across the seat. I took his face in my palms and said, “Please don’t cut yourself off from me. If I can’t be with you the way I want, I’ll take whatever I can get.”

He wrinkled his forehead. “Are you saying you want to be friends if we can’t be together as a couple?”

I closed my eyes and put my forehead against his, not a friend move, but I didn’t care. I said I would take whatever he would give and I meant it. “I am if it’s all you’re willing to give me.”

I felt him shaking his head, causing mine to move with his. “I don’t know.”

I couldn’t stand the pain of going back to pretending he didn’t exist, but even worse would be him pretending I didn’t exist. “Do you really want to go back to the way we’ve been for the last month?”

He put his hands on top of mine over his face. “I don’t want to go to anything but being with you every minute of every day, but that isn’t what’s best for you.”

He was quiet while he speculated on my proposal, then said, “I guess we can try it, but I think you should stay with Forbes because it will just make it more difficult if we’re both single.”

I shook my head violently. “No. Forbes isn’t the one I love and I don’t want to be his girlfriend anymore.”

“It does my heart good to hear that, but I think we’re setting ourselves up for failure as friends if we’re both available.”

I wanted to fail at being friends because I felt nauseated by the thought of him with another. “Does that mean I have to see you with someone else?”

“No. If it’s not safe for you to have a relationship with me, it won’t be safe for anyone else either. I don’t mind because I can’t see myself with anyone other than you.”

I wanted him to be happy, but I was glad I wouldn’t have to see him with another girl. I thought of the pain he would experience from seeing me with Forbes and said, “It isn’t fair. You shouldn’t have to see me with Forbes.”

“I’m being selfish by telling you to stay with him because I know you don’t love him. If you were with someone else, I would be worried and constantly wondering if I was standing by and watching you fall in love with someone else.

“So, this is it?” I asked, painfully.

He let go of me and the removal of his touch was like a painful withdrawal. “This is it. Friends from this point on.”

I looked around at the parking lot, then at my watch. I saw we were late for homeroom because we had talked much longer than I intended. “We’re late.”

He smiled and said, “Yeah, I know, but I don’t care.”

I took another look around. The parking lot was full of cars, but their occupants were long gone. “If we’re going to be late, we shouldn’t be just a little late. If we have to take a tardy, one minute is no different from ten minutes.”

He smiled and narrowed his eyes at me. “What are you getting at, Princess, because I know there’s a hidden meaning there that I’m not seeing?”

My heart rejoiced when he called me Princess because I loved it so. I scooted so closely to him air could barely separate us. “I need a moment to say goodbye if we’re only friends from this point on.”

He pulled back slightly and said, “I don’t think that’s a very good idea. You know it’s going to start something that we’ve clearly decided should end.”

“You decided it should end,” I reminded him. “And I’m not letting you go until I get a proper goodbye.”

I leaned around and tilted my face toward his to take the kiss I deserved. I teased him at first by placing a light kiss on his mouth, then sucked his bottom lip into my mouth and tugged on it lightly. I prolonged the playfulness of our kiss another minute, then heard him moan lightly and it sent me into orbit. I simultaneously knew I loved him with all my heart, but was never going to be like this with again and I felt an intense desire to make the most of it.

I raised onto my knees and climbed across him with a knee on each side of his leg and he didn’t stop me like I thought he would. Instead, he reached under my skirt and pulled my hips hard against him as he pressed himself against me firmly. I reached down for the button on his jeans and said, “I want you to do it. Right now. I don’t want to wait any longer.”

He reached down to help me with his jeans, then I realized I was wrong. He grabbed my hand instead and stopped me from going further, but I continued kissing him down his neck even as he told me, “This isn’t what you want.”

Between kisses, I muttered, “The hell it’s not. I’ve never wanted anything more than you right now.”

He grabbed my shoulders and gently pushed me away. “We are not doing this in the school parking lot in a parked vehicle for anyone to walk by and see.”

I was desperate to not lose this moment. I licked my lips while I looked at his mouth and said, “Take me to your house, then. Take me to get a room. Drive away from here and park where no one can see us. I don’t care.”

I felt the tears building and I covered my face when I couldn’t stop myself from crying. I heaved from the sudden uncontrollable sobbing and said, “I just want to be with you. I don’t care where.”

When I opened my eyes, Jessie was crying with me and he pulled me closer so that my forehead rested against his. “I know. I know.”

I sat straddled on top of him and we held on for dear life while we both cried about our imminent goodbye. When it felt like I didn’t have anymore tears to cry, Jessie whispered, “We have to go in.”

I knew he was right. He was always the voice of reason, but I squeezed a little tighter and hoarsely said, “Give me one more minute, just one more, then we will.”

He gave me five more and I cherished each one like it was the last I’d ever have with him because for all I knew, it was.

32 Accidental Grazes

Jessie

It was a silly notion to think Claire and I could have a goodbye kiss that didn’t turn into…that. The physical attraction we shared was crazy and I agreed to her proposed goodbye knowing it would be intense, but never dreamed we would end up crying in each another’s arms like we would never meet again.

We stood side by side at the office window waiting for our tardy slips and she allowed her fingers to graze mine, sending a tingling sensation all over my body. I thought it was an accident, but when she did it a second time, I looked at her and silently mouthed the word, “Stop.”

Although she smiled devilishly, she looked like she might begin to cry again. Her eyes were swollen and bloodshot, making them look even greener, and I thought she never looked more beautiful because I knew the tears she shed were for me and the loss of her hope for us being together.

She slowly grazed my hand with hers a third time. I looked around for prying eyes, then reached for her hand and brought to my lips for a quick kiss. This brought a true smile to her face and I promised myself we would do better tomorrow because I just wanted to make her happy today.

After we received our tardy slips, we walked toward our first period classes. We came upon my classroom first and she said, “I’ll see you in Humanities.”

I looked down to see how late we were. Yikes, we were really late for class. “Yeah, pretty soon judging by the time on my watch.”

She walked away backwards and said, “Good,” before she turned around to go to class. I stood next to my classroom door watching her make her way down the hall. She turned around to see if I was still there watching her and smiled when she saw that I was.

We were being ridiculous like two teenagers in love-because that’s exactly what we were. The ridiculous part wasn’t how we stood around grazing hands when no one was looking or how we watched one another hoping no one would take notice. Because we couldn’t be two carefree teenagers in love was the senseless part of it all.

I wasn’t in Calculus long before it was time for second period with Claire. I was strangely neurotic about being in class with her today. Things felt so different and strangely unsettled although we both agreed we were saying goodbye to anything between us other than friends.

For the first time, we met one another on the way to class. Claire instinctively reached to loop her arm through mine and sent my heart to galloping. A second later, she remembered why she shouldn’t and pulled it away, causing me to be saddened. It was awkward to have been so intimately close in my truck only a half hour ago and now unable to touch physically.

We were only in Humanities a couple of minutes when Mrs. Tanner announced we would be spending our class time in the library today. We walked silently to the library, both of us wondering what the other thought about going to our private table toward the back of the library. We stopped to look at one another as our classmates dispersed without the least little thought about their choice of table.

Claire became quite aware I wasn’t going to make a move and said, “Do we go with tradition or is today the day we choose a new table?

The safer thing to do was choose a table in the middle of all the other students, but I wasn’t feeling like I wanted to share Claire today. I wanted her at the back of the library where it was just the two of us. “I think today has already been filled with enough surprises, so why don’t we stick to what we’re used to? I think we do great work without all the distractions.”

She smiled because she liked the sound of that and said, “I couldn’t agree more.”

We sat at the table and she leaned forward to get something out of her backpack. I watched the way her hair fell forward slowly, forming a curtain that hid her face. It reminded of when I laid under her on my bed and it fell forward, brushing my face and bare chest.

She raised up and saw me watching her. She smiled and asked, “What are you thinking about?”

I knew I shouldn’t because it would only stir trouble, but I was powerless to stop myself from telling her. “I was watching the way your hair fell as you leaned over your backpack and it reminded me of the way it looked when you were on top on me-how it all came rushing toward me and fell against my face and chest. I was remembering the way it tickled and sent fiery tingles all over my body.”

“Just hearing you say that sends tingles all over my body right now,” she confessed, then looked at me so sadly.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have thought it and I shouldn’t have said it. We can’t say things like that anymore if we’re only friends,”I apologized. Who were we kidding? This wasn’t as easy as we might have thought.

“We might be able to control saying it, but I don’t think we can control thinking it. At least, I know I can’t,” she said as she thumbed through the binder she had pulled from her backpack.

“So, we’re keeping our thoughts to ourselves?” I asked.

“I guess that’s our only option if this friend thing is going to work.”

We did a fair job of finishing Mrs. Tanner’s assignment after our agreement if you didn’t consider the endless thoughts of Claire running through my mind or the numerous accidental grazes of our hands.

Third period was a little more friend friendly since we didn’t sit together and Claire had Payton to occupy her. I tried to force myself to not look her way, but I gave in a few times. Each time I did, she was looking straight ahead listening to Mr. Buckley and I wondered if she was finding this easier than me. The fourth time I stole a glance at her, she turned to look at me and I felt satisfaction in discovering her desire to look at me as well.

The rest of the day seemed to go a little smoother as we felt our way through just being friends. It was strange really. We didn’t get to experiment with being friends before we jumped head first into a romantic relationship because we were too busy arguing and blowing off the steam from our intense sexual attraction for each other, so it was nice to see Claire on an entirely different level.

As I walked to the field house to change out for practice, Coach called out for me from his office. He never did that, so it caught me a little off guard and had me wondering what was up.

I walked to the doorway of his office and stood, waiting for an invitation inside. “Come in, Jessie. Shut the door behind you and have a seat.”

After shutting the door, I walked over to the chair and sat after putting my backpack on the floor. This type of interaction always made me nervous because it usually meant something was wrong or I was in trouble.

“I have some great news for you. I got a call from Doug Stanton today. Do you know who that is?”

Yeah, I knew who Doug Stanton was. Anybody who followed college football at all knew he was the long term coach at State. “Yes, sir, I do.”

“He’s interested in you, son. He’s heard about you and wants to come watch you play. It’s awful early in the season for anyone to be contacting me about you, but I think he wants to get a jumpstart on you before anyone else has the chance. He’s coming next week.”

My heart raced and I realized the first thing I wanted to do was tell Claire, my friend. ”Wow, Coach. State would be my first choice.” It wasn’t far from my brothers and they had an incredibly successful record with Stanton as their coach.

“This is it, Jessie. This is the beginning of the rest of your football career. This is how you get noticed by the pros,” he said. “You’ve got the kind of talent for that whether you’ve thought about it or not.”

I might have that kind of talent, but I had not considered playing professionally because I never expected to be discovered playing for Collinsville. “I don’t want anyone on the team to know, Coach.”

“Why not?” he asked.

I decided I would tell him the why, but not the who. “They won’t all be happy about this and I don’t want to give anybody a reason to try to take me out before the game.”

“You don’t have to say another a word. You’ve been a real team player by not mentioning it before, but I know exactly who you mean and I’ve been keeping an eye on Forbes Henderson since the day you had to ride off the field in an ambulance. I’ve been his coach for four years and I know him well. He doesn’t have me fooled. Now, let’s get out there and do some practicing so you’ll be ready to bring your best for Stanton.”

“Sure thing, Coach and thanks for everything. This is literally going to change my life,” I explained.

“I know it is, Jessie, and I couldn’t be prouder to have a hand in it.”

When I got on the field for practice, I saw Claire across the field and was eager to tell her about my good news, but not because she was my friend-because I loved her.

We played our perpetual game of watching each other between plays and cheers. She saw the ecstatic look on my face and I knew she suspected something was up with me. She wanted to run to me and find out what it was. I could see it in her eyes, like I was reading her mind, as she watched me intently from where she stood.

Real friends could have chatted after practice, but we couldn’t, and it spoke multitudes about this thing we bogusly called a friendship. She watched me get into my truck and leave as she stood by her car with Forbes and I realized we could label our relationship whatever we wanted, but things were no different from when we were testing the boundaries of our relationship in the beginning.

One thing was different this time. I would hold her arms length to keep her safe. Anything closer was a risk to Claire I wasn’t willing to chance.

33 Spit It Out, Already

Claire

I wanted to call Jessie to see what had him smiling so much, but I was afraid to push the friend envelope too far. If I continued to act like more than a friend, I was afraid he would withdraw his contact from me altogether and that was something I couldn’t risk. Friendly contact was better than none at all.

I almost had to tie my hands down away from my phone, but I somehow managed to not call Jessie. By the time we met up on the way to Humanities the next day, my patience was gone. “You’ve got to tell me what had you grinning like a hyena yesterday. I’ve been dying to know.”

He stopped walking and we stood at the entrance to the freshmen building away from our friends. He broke into a huge smile and said, “The coach from State is coming to watch me play next week. This is huge, Princess. It’s exactly what I wanted because it isn’t far from Harley and Ozzy and they have an awesome law school.”

I couldn’t control my excitement for him and threw my arms around his neck. “Jessie, that is awesome. I’m so happy for you.” He picked me up and spun me around for a few seconds before putting me down on the ground. He looked at my face and I couldn’t force myself to let go of him as I told him, “We never talked about it, but I plan on going to State, too.”

His expression was thoughtful as he replied, “No, you never told me that.”

I remained inside the friend zone boundaries and bit my tongue instead of telling him how this solved all of our problems and how we were going to be together because we were supposed to be. Instead, I said, “Yeah, my mom’s alma mater. Maggie went there, too.”

We both smiled and I realized I was still holding on to him. I let go and said, “Sorry. I just got really excited for you is all,” as I reached for my backpack on the sidewalk.

We turned to walk toward class and he bumped my shoulder, his way of telling me my enthusiasm was alright. “It’s okay. Friends can hug. I’m pretty sure they do it everyday.”

I halfheartedly smiled at his dismissal of our embrace, but we both knew it was based on more than friendship, even if neither of us acknowledged it.

I spent the rest of the week struggling with my every move around Jessie. It was exhausting to fight what came naturally to me. Deflecting my instinct to touch his skin and tell him how I loved him wasn’t getting easier. In fact, it was growing increasingly more difficult with each passing day and I wondered if he was feeling the same as me.

We sat in the library, the place I had grown to love, at our private table at the back. Jessie caught my attention several times when he would look up from his work at me. Each time I looked his way, he would turn from me as if he had changed his mind about saying the thing on his mind.

When I watched him do it for a fifth time, I decided to address it. I laid my pencil down on the table and said, “What?”

“I didn’t say anything.”

We both reached to catch my pencil as it threatened to roll onto the floor. “Yeah, I know you didn’t, but you’ve looked at me about a half dozen times like you wanted to, so spit it out already!”

He shook his head. “It’s nothing.”

It had been days since I had felt his touch and I couldn’t stand it any longer, so I reached out to touch his hand. “Tell me. I want to know what is so fluster worthy.”

He smiled and said, “I’m going to see my little brothers at their foster parents’ house on Sunday.”

I felt utter joy in my heart for him. “Oh, that’s wonderful. I know you are so excited about seeing them since it’s been a while. They’ll be super happy about seeing you.”

That restless look of wanting to tell me something didn’t leave his face. “Is something wrong, Jessie? Are the boys alright?”

He smiled because he liked my concern for his brothers. “Nothing is wrong, but I have something I’d like to ask you.”

I waited and when he didn’t say anything, I encouraged him to speak up. “Go ahead, Jessie. I’m listening.”

“I will completely understand if you don’t want to, so don’t feel like you have to say yes.”

He was stalling and it was driving me crazy. “Okay, Jessie. Tell me what it is before I die of curiosity.”

He stalled a few more seconds until it became a little awkward, then said, “I wanted to ask you if you would like to go with me to see Harley and Ozzy on Sunday.”

His invitation caused my heart to inflate almost to the point I thought it might burst. The gesture was so innocent, yet so intimate. I fought the tears welling in my eyes because I was afraid he might withdraw his invitation if I acted as though it was more than a friendly invite. I turned my head and looked up at the ceiling to suck the moisture back in and said, “Yeah, I love kids. Sounds like fun. What time?”

I managed to make the tears in my eyes go somewhere besides my cheeks and I turned to look at him. “My visitation begins at one o’clock. Can you meet me around twelve-thirty at the garage?”

I couldn’t have been more blissed out, but I kept my elation in check because I didn’t want to ruin this. “Sure. I can be there at twelve-thirty.”

We finished our assignment a little early and he took the opportunity to tell me about Harley and Ozzy and how he had parented them since his mom was usually MIA or drugged out. He told me comical things about their lives to keep the mood light, but the reality of the situation was just plain sad. Although I laughed at the stories about his adventures in parenting, I found myself secretly becoming furious with a dead woman. The things he had been forced to endure were unfair at best, but I could see how much he loved Harley and Ozzy and my guess would be that he wouldn’t take anything in the world for having to raise those two little boys.

When Sunday arrived, I came up with some kind of crazy lie to tell my mom about where I was going and I was out the door to meet Jessie at Earl’s garage. When I pulled up to meet him, I was actually on time, but he had still beat me there. He got out of his truck and walked over to my driver’s side window. My heart almost stopped because I thought maybe he had rethought the whole asking me to go thing, but he asked, “Do you mind if we take your car? I think it’s best we don’t leave a fancy convertible with an expensive sound system unattended in Collinsville,” he advised.

“I see your point,” I agreed.

He went back and locked up his truck, then got into my car with me. “It’s going to be interesting to see their reaction to you today.”

That sounded like a little bit of a warning. “Should I be scared or something?”

I put my car in reverse and backed up while he answered, “No, they will be fine once they see how you are.”

“And how am I exactly?” I asked.

He hesitated as I begin to drive forward, and I briefly thought he wasn’t going to answer me at all, but then he softly said, “Wonderful.”

It was one of those moments that deserved a kiss if we had been dating, but we weren’t, and it felt painfully obvious at the moment so I wanted to change the subject. “Will we stay at their foster parents house or will we take them somewhere?”

“I’m hoping we can take them out somewhere. The Stevens’ are very nice, but it’s a little awkward trying to interact with Harley and Ozzy normally when I’m the oddball in their home.”

I could understand how that would make him uncomfortable. “Have they allowed you to take the boys out before?”

“Yeah. They let me have them for a few hours on their birthday. There’s exactly one year difference in their ages because they have the same birthday.”

“Oh, that’s neat. How long ago was it that you got them?”

He paused, then said, “It was the day after I spent the night with you.”

No matter how I tried to change the subject to something safe, it always came back to remind me how weren’t together anymore, but how desperately I wanted to be again.

When we pulled up at the house where Harley and Ozzy lived, I saw two little heads bobbing up and down in a big window at the front of the house. I laughed at the sight and said, “I think I just spotted two little boys eager to see their big brother.”

“I have to admit I’m eager to see them, too. It’s been too long.”

The front door slung open and two of the cutest little boys came running across the lawn, nearly tackling Jessie right there in the grass. He picked them up and swung them both at the same time. “Ooooh, I missed you guys so much!”

“We missed you too, Jess,” the bigger one of the two said.

He put them down and the smaller one chimed in and said, “You told us you would come back and you did.”

“I always keep my promises, don’t I?” he asked.

“Yes,” they answered simultaneously.

“Now, I have someone I want you to meet.” I walked over to the boys and squatted down on their level as Jessie introduced me. “This is Claire.”

I put out my hand for a shake and the older boy took it. “You must be Harley. I’ve heard some very good things about you.”

“Are you Jessie’s girlfriend?” he asked suspiciously.

Jessie saved me by saying, “Claire is my friend and I wanted her to come meet you and Ozzy because she is very special to me.”

Harley giggled and said, “That means she’s your girlfriend.”

Jessie looked at me and shrugged like he was going to let that one go so I did, too.

Ozzy was hiding behind Jessie’s leg peeking his head out at me. I squatted even lower to speak to him because Jessie had told me he had a tendency to be shy around people he didn’t know. I spoke softly as I said, “Hello, Ozzy. It’s very nice to meet you.”

He came running out from behind Jessie’s leg and launched himself on me, giving me a hug I wasn’t expecting, but one I welcomed. I put my arms around him and smiled at Jessie when I saw the amazed look on his face. Ozzy hopped up on my hip and put his head on my shoulder like an oversized toddler, but I let him because it seemed to make him happy.

“He never does that with anyone. I’m not sure he has ever hugged Mrs. Stevens that way and he’s been living with her for months.”

“I guess he’s like his brother. He has great taste in girls,” I laughed.

A couple appearing to be in their mid-thirties walked out of the house after giving us a few minutes with the boys. “Hi, Jessie. It’s good to see you, again. Harley and Ozzy have really been looking forward to seeing you today and I see you have a friend with you. I’m Heather and this is my husband, Brian.”

I offered the hand not holding Ozzy up on my hip and introduced myself. After we briefly discussed when to return the boys, we left with them and headed toward the park.

I occasionally looked into my rearview mirror at the boys sitting so tall in their booster seats. It felt a little strange to have children in my car and I laughed at myself when I realized I was driving super slow. I looked in the mirror at what beautiful little boys Harley and Ozzy were and wondered how a mother could care so little about them.

I reached over and touched Jessie’s leg just because I wanted to and said, “I packed a picnic lunch in case we got to take them out. I didn’t mention it earlier because I didn’t know what to expect, but it’s in the trunk. It’s just sandwiches, chips and drinks because I didn’t know what they liked. Nothing special.”

I looked forward as I drove, but I could see him looking at me and I briefly turned to him before putting my eyes back on the road. “Is that not okay?” I asked.

He reached for my hand and brought it to his lips. He kissed the top of my hand and grazed it along his face, then whispered, “I know it’s not part of the friend pact, but I have to tell you something. I love you more right now than I ever have. No one has ever done anything like that for them.”

Wow. Never dreamed peanut butter and jelly sandwiches would make him break the friend pact like that. It was a little surprising how such a simple act could mean so much to him and it gave me a glimpse into how terrible his childhood must have been.

As we sat under a large tree on a blanket, I divvied out the food. “Jessie brought us a birthday cake and we ate it at the picnic tables, but I’ve never had a real picnic on the ground before,” Harley said before he took a bite of his sandwich. Although his mouth was full of sandwich, he continued, “I like this a lot.”

“Don’t talk with food in your mouth,” Jessie told him.

Ozzy wasn’t eating his sandwich, so I asked, “Are you not hungry?”

“I was just thinking about something,” he replied.

Curious about what a four year-old could think so hard about, I asked him to tell me what was on his mind and he asked, “Do you and Jessie kiss?”

His question caught me extremely off guard and I didn’t know the appropriate answer to give a young child. I looked to Jessie for a little help, but he was too busy laughing as he waited to hear my response to Ozzy’s question.

“We have kissed,” I said.

He looked thoughtful, then continue his line of questioning. “Do you love each other?”

I looked back at Jessie, but he shrugged, letting me know I had this one on my own. Since he wasn’t willing to help me, I wasn’t making him privy to my answer, so I leaned over and whispered in Ozzy’s ear, “I love Jessie very much.”

Ozzy raised up on his knees and pulled me down to his level so he could whisper in my ear. “Will you marry Jessie and be my new momma since mine is dead?”

I felt the blood drain from my face and Jessie must have saw it because he interrupted our whisper session by telling Ozzy to stop stalling and eat. I looked at Jessie with gratitude for the interruption because I didn’t know how to answer this child’s question.

When we finished eating, we went to the playground and stayed until it was time to take the boys back to the Stevens’. “Come on, boys. It’s time to take you home,” Jessie announced and they both groaned, but obeyed without any trouble.

It was heartbreaking to watch Jessie as he was forced to leave them, but I knew it was in their best interest at the moment. He promised them he would be back to see them soon and they knew he would, so it made the goodbye a little easier.

We got into my car to drive away and saw their two little heads in the window watching us as we drove away. “What did Ozzy whisper in your ear today?”

I hesitated because I wasn’t sure I wanted to tell him or keep it a secret between me and Ozzy, but I decided to let him in on the secret. “He wanted to know if we were going to get married so I would be his mom.”

“Oh. I’m sorry about that,” he apologized.

“No, don’t be sorry because I’m not. It was very sweet of him to think of me that way.”

“They adored you, but I knew they would. Especially Ozzy. Now you see what my life is going to be like when I get them back. It’s not going to be college parties and having fun with friends. It’s going to be all about taking care of two little kids.”

It suddenly registered with me. That was why he brought me today. He wanted me to see and understand the responsibility he had to those two little boys. He wanted to use them to scare me away, but he was wrong. The responsibility of caring for his brothers didn’t scare me at all.

“This was all about us going to the same college. You don’t want me to get my hopes up about being together.”

He didn’t answer and I continued, “Did you really think your responsibility to them would send me running?” I asked harshly.

“Yeah, I sort of did,” he admitted. “I love them, but they’re a huge responsibility and not one every teenager would want to be tied to, so I thought you should see what it is I have on my plate sooner rather than later.”

“Maybe you were right for showing me what a huge responsibility you have with them, but you were wrong about the other part. You are not going to scare me off that easily.”

34 Kimosabe

Jessie

Seeing Claire with my brothers only confirmed how right she was for me, but it didn’t change the fact that I was wrong for her. She didn’t deserve to go from being a carefree teenager with a bright future to being drug down by someone like me. I thought she would see what getting mixed up with me actually meant and she’d run in the opposite direction, but she didn’t and it only made me want her more.

Harley and Ozzy were crazy about her and she seemed to return the same affection for them. It wasn’t how I expected things to go. She was so natural with them, like they had known each other forever. I laughed as I thought about Ozzy’s peculiar connection with Claire. He didn’t open up to people easily and I think I envied their connection because he seemed to prefer her over me. In fact, he chose to cling to her most of the day instead of playing on the playground.

I spent the rest of the day wondering if I had made the wrong decision by taking her with me to see them. Had I opened a door I couldn’t close by allowing her into that part of my life?

When I pulled into the drive, I saw Rita’s car and cursed to myself. I really wanted to avoid her today because I knew it was about time for her to send me out again.

I walked in her house, which she took every opportunity to remind me of, and saw her sitting on the couch smoking a Camel. “Bout time you brought your ass back.”

“I went to see Harley and Ozzy,” I informed her, not that she cared, and I wasn’t surprised when she didn’t ask how they were.

“I’ve got some dime bags on the table I want you to sell today,” she said, then took a puff on her cigarette.

I always thought being around cigarette smoke after I quit would make me want to smoke again, but something about the sight of her made me wonder why I had ever taken it up in the first place.

I looked over at the table and saw about a dozen bags of dope. “I can’t sell all of that tonight.”

“You can or you won’t sleep here tonight,” she threatened.

I had homework I needed to do instead of out being a thug for her, but that was the beauty of having Rita as a grandmother. She couldn’t care less and that was what was going to make leaving and never coming back so damn easy.

I jerked the bags of dope off the table and went back to my truck. I hit the road on the way to Collinsville because I wouldn’t infiltrate East Franklin with her trash.

I got on my phone and made some calls to line up some sales. I called the same old customers I had sold to for years and luckily had half the stash sold at one stop.

I pulled up at the apartment complex I had frequented a thousand times. I got out and knocked on the same door I had always gone to first. The door swung open and a big, burly guy stood in the doorway.

He put out his fist for a bump and said, “Jess, good to see you. You haven’t been around in a while.”

I didn’t want to be here now, but I didn’t have a choice. “Yeah, I don’t make it over here a lot since I’m in Franklin now.”

“Come in, dude,” he offered.

I didn’t want to get stuck talking, or worse-staying while they sampled the merchandise. “Nah, I can’t stay. I’ve got some more places to be. You know, people waiting on their shit,” I said like this whole thing was cool with me.

“You can come in while I get your money. We can’t make this exchange standing in the door for anyone walking by to see,” he said and turned to walk toward the back of the apartment.

I knew he was right, so I walked in the apartment and closed the door behind me. I saw several guys sitting in the living room. “Hey, you’re that guy that ripped me off a few months ago,” one of them said as he came up off the couch.

He was probably right. Twyla had me ripping people off left and right. He was fast and I didn’t have time to react. The guy punched me in the face with his fist and I saw my blood spray the wall. One of the guys yelled, “Hell, yeah!”

He wrestled me to the floor and I got on top of him and punched him a few good times, but his friends weren’t going to sit back and watch me beat his ass. I heard one of his friends say, “We’ll teach you to come around after ripping somebody off.”

I felt a hard kick to my back and an excruciating pain accompanied it. I took another kick to my abdomen, then a pop to the back of my head and I felt the warm ooze of blood down the back of my head onto my neck and shoulders.

I propelled myself toward the door and swung it open because there was no way I could win such an uneven fight. They must have felt like they had taught me my lesson because I somehow I managed to get away from the trio and find refuge in my truck. I sped out of the apartment complex and onto the road toward Rita’s.

I reached into my pocket and discovered I had lost every last bag of dope in the shuffle. I slammed my fist against the steering wheel of my truck. “You are so stupid!” I shouted to myself.

When I pulled back into the yard at Rita’s, I dreaded the fight we were about to have and wondered if she would throw me out.

I walked in her trailer and she said, “That was fast. I believe you’re getting as good as your mother was.”

As I stood there covered in blood, I became furious with her. Could she not see how I could have been killed? Did she not care at all? Then, I remembered who I was talking to and remembered how she didn’t care if someone killed me as long as she sold her dope.

“I got jumped by three guys and they got all the pot.”

I didn’t have to wait long on her response. “Then, it sounds like you owe me some money to the tune of about a hundred and twenty dollars and I bet you won’t be so stupid next time.”

I’m not sure what I expected from her, but this exceeded it all. I went to my bedroom and pulled the money from my hidden stash of cash and went back into the living room where she sat. I threw the money on the coffee table in front of her and walked back to my room.

I got in the shower to wash away the blood covering most of my upper body. When I washed my hair, it burned like hell and I wondered if I was going to need some stitches to the gash I felt. I winced just thinking about how sore I was going to be in the morning.

When I got out of the shower, I used a mirror to look at the back of my head and saw it continuing to bleed quite a bit although areas of it had clotted. Damn. I was going to have to go to the hospital, so I got dressed and grabbed a towel to put over the seat in my truck to save it from being doused with more blood.

It was almost midnight by the time I was released from the emergency room. After I went back to Rita’s, I did my homework, then laid down to get a little sleep before I had to be up for school.

As I suspected, I was sore as all get out when I woke up a few hours later. I stirred in my bed for a minute, dreading the actual movement of getting up, then forced myself up. I walked into the kitchen and took a couple of over the counter pain relievers, then took the hottest shower Rita’s hot water heater would provide.

I got out of the shower and looked at my swollen and bruised face. Claire was not going to like this, but the worst part was explaining how it happened. I thought about telling her a lie, but what was the good in that? She should know I’m involved in stuff like this so she’ll get the picture about moving on.

I looked at the back of my head where the stitches were and man, it looked awful where the doctor had shaved a big patch on the back of my head. I think it would look better to shave the rest off, but I didn’t have any clippers. I wanted to cover it with a cap, but the school didn’t allow hats to be worn. There was no hiding this from Claire, so I decided it was best to get it over with.

She spied me on my way to Calculus and the smile she had for me melted as she stood at her locker dumbfounded with Forbes next to her. Her eyes never left me once she noticed the shape my face was in and I was certain she saw the gash and bald spot on the back of my head when I walked into class.

Her reaction to the way I looked had me dreading second period with her. Payton’s eyes got huge when she walked into Calculus and she sat in front of me as she had become accustomed to doing. I knew I’d never be lucky enough for her to keep her restless lips still and quiet. “You look like crap,” she gawked with huge eyes.

“Thanks, but I wish you’d tell me how you really feel,” I said sarcastically.

“What happened, besides getting the hell beat out of you?” she asked.

I shook my head, letting her know I wasn’t going there with her.

“Has your friend Claire seen you, yet?” she taunted.

“Briefly,” I replied.

“She’s going to go crazy, you know?”

I didn’t answer her, but I knew Payton was right.

“You want me to put a little make-up on that pretty face for you, Kimosabe?” she laughed. I knew she thought I deserved what I got after the way things went down with Claire because she still didn’t know the whole story.

“I’m good, but thanks.”

Calculus went by way too fast and it was time to face Claire before I wanted to, but I didn’t have a choice. She had beat me to class and watched me as I walked and took my seat next to her.

Her face was pale. “What happened, Jessie?” she whispered.

“When I got home, Rita told me I had to go out and sell. I got my ass kicked by three dope heads and stayed in the emergency room until almost midnight getting my head sewed up,” I explained.

“Turn around,” she ordered.

I turned the back of my head to her and she gasped. When I turned back around she said, “You can’t stay there anymore.”

I laughed at her and asked, “What am I supposed to do? Where am I going to go? I have no one! I’m lucky Rita lets me stay with her.”

“It’s not luck. It’s her selfishness and greed letting you stay there so she can force you to deal for her. Living there is dangerous and you have to leave. I don’t know where you’ll go, but we’ll think of something. Your mother almost got you killed and Rita is going to finish the job if we don’t get you out of there.”

“I’m not attached to her by any means, but I have no where to go,” I explained.

She reached her tiny hand across the desk and laid it on top of my much larger one. “Don’t worry. We’ll think of something,”

35 Simple Humanity

Claire

I was not going to let Jessie’s grandmother get him killed. I spent the rest of the day racking my brain, thinking of a way to get him away from Rita’s dangerous hold.

Everything I thought of required monetary resources he didn’t have and, because I was at a total loss for what to do, I resorted to the only choice I had-my parents.

I walked into the house after cheerleading practice with a mission. I was going to get help for Jessie and I would resort to whatever I had to in order to get it.

I found my mom in the kitchen preparing dinner. I walked into the kitchen and stood looking at her. She turned around to look at me and saw the tears in my eyes.

“What’s wrong, Claire?” she said with a concerned look on her face.

“It’s Jessie.”

“Did something happen to him?” she asked as she put her oven mitts on the countertop.

“Mom, Jessie can’t keep living with his grandmother. She forces him to sell drugs in exchange for somewhere to live. He doesn’t want to do it, but he has no where to go. He has no family to take him in. He’s stuck there with her until he finishes school and she’s going to get him killed if he has to continue selling drugs for her. Three guys jumped him last night and beat him up really bad. They busted the back of head open and his face looks like dammit. I don’t even want to see what his body looks like under his clothes because every time he moved today, he looked like he was in so much pain. You were his counselor. Surely, that places some kind of responsibility on you to help him. If not, simple humanity alone places some kind of responsibility on us to help him.”

She bit her lip, then said, “Claire, what do you want me to do?”

“I want you to do whatever it is you’re willing to do for him, whatever it is your conscience tells you that you must do,” I pleaded with all of my heart.

Something I said spoke to the humanity in her and I felt my heart begin to beat out of my chest when she said, “I need to talk to your dad about this. I can’t make a decision like this without him.”

I ran to her and threw my arms around her, squeezing her tightly. “When will Dad be home?”

“He told me he would be home for dinner, so I suspect within the hour, but you know how an hour can turn into two or three with your dad.”

I spent the next two hours pacing the floor waiting on my dad to come in from work. When he finally walked through the door, I propelled myself on him, wrapping my arms around him. “Well, what have I done to provoke a reception like that?”

I looked up with tears in my eyes and he said, “What is it, Claire?”

My mom called out from the other room, “Claire, let your dad get in the door and we’ll discuss everything over dinner.”

I backed off my dad and let him close the door from the garage. Although I was dying to tell him everything, I didn’t say a word because my mother had told me to wait.

I anxiously helped my mom prepare our plates and we sat down at the dining room table. “Well, the two of you have me a little nervous about what’s going on.”

My mom started, “Claire brought some things about Jessie to my attention today I was unaware of, but I’m going to let her tell you the whole story.”

I started at the beginning and told my dad everything I knew about Jessie since my mother was still bound to not talk about him or his situation. I started with his childhood and the incident that killed his mother along with him almost being killed. I told him about Harley and Ozzy and how wonderful they were thanks to the raising they had by Jessie. I concluded the story of Jessie’s life with his current situation and how he would be dead before graduation if we didn’t do something to help him get away from his grandmother.

My dad looked shocked by the details of Jessie’s horrific life. “Claire, your mother and I need to talk about this without you. Go upstairs and we’ll call you down after we’ve made a decision.

I went to my room and paced the floor. Five minutes turned into twenty and twenty turned into sixty. Before I knew it, I stood in the middle of my bedroom floor ready to have a full blown panic attack when my mom came to my door and said, “You can come down now.”

I inhaled slowly and deeply because I thought I might be ready to pass out, but I followed my mom down the stairs and sat in the chair across from my parents sitting on the couch.

I heard the thudding of my heart in my ears and it almost overpowered the sound of my dad’s voice, but I managed to hear, “This was a hard one for us to make a decision about. Jessie’s life has been an utter tragedy, but we see so much potential in him. He’s highly intelligent and athletically gifted and we have no doubt he will go on to do great things if he is given half an opportunity. Now, here comes the hard part.”

I felt my heart stumble as I waited to hear the part I didn’t want to hear-the part where they told me they couldn’t do anything to help him.

“There is no debate about the need for him to leave the home of his grandmother and it needs to be as soon as possible. The debate comes in on what we do with him once we get him out. Helping him get a place to live by himself doesn’t seem like the right answer because we have some concerns about how passionately you feel about him. We can tell you to not go see him all we want, but in reality, that’s not going to happen because we know you love him. We think putting him in a place with no adult guidance could be setting you both up for a situation you aren’t ready to handle. You’re not adults, even if you think you are, and you’re not ready to make adult decisions about having sex and we know that’s where it would lead if you were given the freedom.

I felt myself turn every shade of red as I listened to my dad talk about Jessie and I making the decision to have sex. This was soooo not what I was expecting to hear from them.

“We’ve debated back and forth about it, but we have both come to the conclusion that Jessie will come here to live on a temporary basis until we can make more permanent arrangements.” I realized I had been holding my breath-for way too long and I gasped as my dad continued, “We can better control the privacy between you by having him here, but there will be conditions, as you would guess. Under no circumstance will there be any hanky panky in this house. This is about helping Jessie be safe, not about moving him in here so you play footsie under the table or even much more than that. If we find out there has been any inappropriate contact between you, he will have to leave immediately.”

I got up and ran to my dad first. I threw my arms around him and said, “I understand.” I looked at my mom and knew what a huge deal this was for her to let go of everything she knew about Jessie. “Thank you, Mom. I will never forget this as long as I live.”

I turned back to my dad and said, “I want to go get him now.”

My dad smiled because he was humored by my urgency, but he didn’t understand the dire straits of Jessie’s situation. “Claire, it’s almost nine o’clock and we need to talk to him about this first. We can’t just show up on his doorstep and tell an eighteen year-old boy to pack his stuff because we’re there to rescue him.”

“Yes, we can. I promise you he will leave tonight because he wants out of there so badly.” I started to cry because I felt the urgent need for Jessie to be out of that dangerous place. “Please, Dad. What if something happened to him tonight? You didn’t see how bad he was beaten last night. It took more than fifty stitches to put his head back together. You know more than all of us how bad it had to be for that many stitches.”

When he looked like he was thinking it over, I struck again with, “Please, Dad. I won’t sleep tonight anyway knowing he’s still in that place.”

My mom nodded, giving her approval and my dad gave in. “Okay, but you’re not going out there by yourself. I’m going with you.”

I was flooded with relief. “Thank you. Thank you so much.” I went to grab my phone as Dad got his keys.

I tried to call Jessie several times as we drove to his house, but couldn’t get him. “I’m not getting an answer. I hope that isn’t a bad sign.”

My dad didn’t say anything and I nervously began to pick at my freshly manicured nails. My dad reached over and grabbed my hand to stop my nervous fidgeting. “It’s going to okay.”

I wouldn’t relax until I saw Jessie safely out of that drug house.

We pulled up and Jessie’s truck was in the yard, so I relaxed a little because I knew I had at least found him. I looked at my Dad before we got out and I couldn’t begin to tell him how grateful I was and what it meant to me for him and Mom to help Jessie like this. It was more than I could ever hope for.

“Thank you, again.”

He squeezed my hand and said, “Come on, let’s go save this boy you love.”

We got out of the car and walked up the steps to the trailer’s front door where I knocked loudly. As we stood there waiting, I begin to feel something wasn’t right. I knocked again and said, “Jessie, it’s Claire.”

When he didn’t come to the door, I had an impending feeling of doom. Something was definitely off about this. “Something’s not right, Dad. He didn’t answer his phone and not he’s not coming to the door.”

I walked over to the window and tried to look in, but I was too short to see over the piece of furniture pushed up against the window. “I can’t see anything.” I reached for the doorknob, but my dad stopped me.

“You can’t just go up in there. There could be a reason he isn’t coming to the door,” he suggested, but I knew Jessie wasn’t in there with another girl if that was his drift.

He leaned around me and peered in the window and I saw his eyes grow large. He ran for the front door and tried to turn the doorknob, but it was locked. “What is it, Dad? What do you see?”

“Stand back, Claire,” he said, as he gently pushed me away from the door and kicked it several times.

“What are doing, Dad?”

The last kick sent the door crashing in and my dad ran inside. I followed behind him uncertain of what it was I’d find. Jessie was pale and laying on the floor in a pool of blood. We were too late. He was already dead. My mind immediately began to deny it. He wasn’t dead. He couldn’t be because everything was about to work out for us.

My dad leaned over him listening for his breath and feeling for a pulse. “Call 911. Now.”

I reached for my phone and dialed the number with shaky fingers as I watched my father perform CPR on the boy I loved. Nothing was happening. He wasn’t waking up. He wasn’t moving at all. Virtually, he was dead.

It seemed like an eternity before the ambulance arrived and my dad moved out of their way as they moved in with a monitor. They applied the pads to his body and watched for any cardiac activity. When they announced he had none, I lost my breath.

The harder I tried to breathe, the less air I seemed to catch. I could hear my dad telling me to slow my breaths down, but I couldn’t and my body only tolerated it for a minute before it gave way and I collapsed to the floor, everything going black because the boy I loved was dead.

Epilogue

Three Years Later

Claire

As usual, I was running late. I looked at my watch and saw I was supposed to be at my parents house in thirty minutes for the birthday party while I stood in the sporting goods store without a clue what I was going to take as a gift.

I pulled out my phone and chose the contact at the top of my favorites list. When I heard the voice on the other end, I said, “Hey, I’m running late as usual and I need help picking out gifts. Any suggestions?”

After hearing several suggestions, I limited my choices down and finally made my decision. I quickly checked out, then drove to the party, arriving only ten minutes late.

I walked through the door with gifts in hand and my Dad rushed forward to help me. “Claire, you really shouldn’t be carrying all of that at the same time. You know that your balance is already off center. You could fall.”

“Sorry, Dad. I’ll try to remember that,” I promised.

He took the gifts from me and carried them to the bar where the others were and two little angels without wings ran toward me, both throwing their arms around my expanding abdomen.

“Claire, I want to feel the baby move. Can you make him move for me?” I heard from the little face pressed against my belly.

I laughed and reminded, “You keep saying him, but what if it’s a her?”

“Oh, it’s a him. There’s no doubt in my mind,” he assured me.

“I tell you what. I’ll eat a big piece of birthday cake and drink a big glass of soft drink. I can almost guarantee he or she will be moving like crazy after that. Will that work?”

I watched the beautiful boy’s pale blue eyes light up as he agreed with me about my plan and I said, “Come on, I think Mom is ready for us to cut the cake.”

We went into the kitchen where I saw a chocolate cake with seven candles on one side and eight on the other. My mother first offered Harley and Ozzy separate cakes on their sixth and seventh birthdays after my parents adopted them, but they wanted to keep with tradition and share a cake since it was what Jessie had always done for them. I loved how they wanted to stick to tradition and I felt responsible in helping to keep any of Jessie’s traditions alive in them.

While my mom worked on finding a lighter for the candles on the cake, I felt warm, muscular arms wrap around me from behind and heard, “How my baby momma doing?” whispered in my ear.

I cracked up laughing and said, “Yo’ baby momma doing good.”

“No pains today?” he asked.

“I didn’t say that,” I replied.

“Think you can pull off giving birth to our son or daughter on our brothers’ birthday?”

I thought about how that sounded. “Jessie, someone that didn’t know us would think that sounded really messed up.”

Jessie put his hands on my great, large pregnant abdomen and leaned down toward my belly to say, “I’m just saying…it would be really neat if you could pull that off for your Uncle Harley and Uncle Ozzy, little baby Boone.”

“Trying to coax this baby into the world today on Harley’s and Ozzy’s birthday has nothing to do with how anxious you are to find out if it’s a boy or girl, right?” I asked, suspiciously.

“It has absolutely everything to do with it. I’m going crazy here, woman,” he admitted.

“It was your idea to not find out if it was a boy or girl, so suck it up, buddy. I have another week until my due date. This baby will come when he or she is ready and not a minute before.”

I laughed at his childish anxiousness because he was worse than Harley and Ozzy put together.

My mom laughed at our conversation as she lit the candles on the cake and said, “Jessie, I hope this baby takes after you because if it takes after Claire, it won’t come until next year.”

I rolled my eyes playfully at the two of them, then we sang ‘Happy Birthday’ to the boys. As promised, I was more than happy to have a big piece of birthday cake to entice the baby into moving. I added a big scoop of ice cream to it for good measure and drank a cola while Jessie watched me because he thought I should have water instead. “I know what you’re thinking and Dad says I can have one a day.”

Jessie threw his hands like an innocent criminal. “I didn’t say a word, Princess.”

“You were thinking it because I saw it on your face,” I accused.

He didn’t deny my accusation, but I didn’t have time to dwell on it because I felt a big kick. “Ozzy, come here, quick. The baby is moving just for you.”

Ozzy ran over and put his head and hands against my belly. I felt a big movement and waited to hear his response. “He kicked my ear.” Ozzy looked up at Jessie and said, “He’s going to be a kicker like me, not a quarterback.”

Jessie put his hand on top of Ozzy’s head and messed his hair up. “Hey…you better watch it, little monkey,” he playfully warned.

I started laughing and felt a pop, then warm water as it flowed down my legs. My heart raced a little as I realized what was happening and Jessie noticed the reaction on my face as I looked down. “What’s wrong, Princess?”

I smiled, then looked at Jessie and said, “Well, looks like the baby is going to take after you.”

“What do you mean?” he asked nervously.

“The baby is not going to be late like me,” I said, clueing him in about what was happening.

Jessie paled a little. “He’s coming now?”

“Yes, he or she is coming now. My water just broke.”

* * *

After the dust settled from the delivery and the rush of family in and out to see our newest little miracle, it was finally just the three of us. Jessie stared at me as I held our baby on my chest. He began to smile and I wanted to know what was on his mind because he has been so quiet after we arrived at the hospital.

“What are you thinking, Jessie?”

He didn’t look away from our daughter as he said, “I guess I have two Princesses now.

“Were you hoping for a boy?”

He reached up to stroke her head. “No. I sort of feel like I’ve already raised boys, so I wanted a girl. Now that I’ve seen her, I couldn’t imagine life without her.”

She sighed one of those cute little sighs only a newborn baby can make. “I know, me either. She’s perfect and she’s ours.”

I thought of all the changes we had experienced over the past few years. Once Jessie recovered from yet another near death experience, he came to live with us and my parents fell in love with him as much as me. When they saw I refused to agree to any future that didn’t include him, they accepted him.

He didn’t get his football scholarship because he was unable to finish out the season, but it didn’t matter because he bumped me from valedictorian and received a full scholarship for that in combination with his ACT score. My parents took in the boys and later adopted them so we could go to college without the stress of raising them and because my mother suffered from a case of empty nest syndrome after we were gone.

Against the advice of my parents, we married before finishing college because that crazy, intense love we had for each didn’t get any easier. A few months later, we found out why you should be married before having sex when this little surprise slipped in on us.

I reached up and touched his hand. “I know she wasn’t planned, but thank you for giving her to me.”

He took his eyes from our daughter, looked at me and laughed as he said, “Yeah, I still need to figure out how I gave you that one so I don’t turn around and give you another one before I mean to.”

I knew what the culprit was and decided it was time to fess up. “I’m pretty sure it has a little something to do with that see through nighty I wore on your birthday and a playful pretend pole dance on the bedpost if you’ll think back for a minute.”

He scrunched his forehead in concentration and broke into a smile as he recalled the events of the night. “You think that was when she happened?”

“I’m positive that’s when she happened,” I assured him.

He looked back at her and said, “She’s the best birthday present I’ve ever been given.” He turned back to me to kiss my lips, then said, “Thank you.”

I smiled as I stroked her back and asked, “Did we decide on Finley?”

“Finley Elizabeth Boone.” He said it out loud, like he was test driving it. “Yeah, I love it.”

He leaned over and whispered in Finley’s ear, “But I think I’ll stick with Princess. It seems to suit you better.”

About Georgia Cates

Georgia is a lifelong Mississippi girl. She is a wife, mother of two daughters, labor and delivery nurse and avid lover of anything romantic. It was while writing Book Two of The Vampire Agápe Series that the idea of Going Under was developed and work ceased on her current project to pursue the beautiful story of Jessie and Claire.

Connect with Georgia

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Other Books by Georgia Cates

Blood of Anteros

The Vampire Agápe Series Book 1

Read The First 6 Chapters of Blood of Anteros

Watch the Book Trailer for Blood of Anteros

Blood Jewel

The Vampire Agápe Series Book 2

Expected Release in May 2012

Official Going Under Playlist

Who Made Who- AC/DC

(Jessie proving his talent as a quarterback)

Touchin’ On My- 3OH!3

(Payton’s choice of music on ride to school)

Eat The Rich- Aerosmith

(Jessie’s first day of school)

Mr. Know It All- Kelly Clarkson

(Claire’s anger with Jessie because he thinks he has her figured out)

Noticed- Mutemath

(Jessie thinking about Claire after he speaks to her the first time)

Haunted- Jewel

(Claire considering her feelings for Forbes)

Break the Same- Mutemath

(Claire tries the explain she doesn’t have the perfect life)

Coming Down- Dum Dum Girls

(Thinking of Jessie during class)

No harm- The Boxer Rebellion

(Claire considers Jessie’s inconsistent behavior)

Sorry- Ross Copperman

(Jessie’s regret about using Claire as ammunition against Forbes)

The Promise (Acoustic) - Rendition by Justin Furstenfeld from Blue October

(Jessie attempting to apologize to Claire)

Say It- Blue October

(Claire’s anger at Jessie after he insults her in front of everyone)

What Lies Beneath- Breaking Benjamin

(Claire’s decision to get back at Jessie)

Away- Breaking Benjamin

(Claire as she is ignoring Jessie)

Modern Day Zero- Spit You Out

(Claire’s attitude while ignoring Jessie)

Blush- Ben Lee

(Jessie’s Proposition to Rock Claire’s World)

Radiohead- Creep

(Jessie’s feelings as Claire begins to warm up to him)

Come Undone- Jackson Waters

(Claire losing it when Jessie gives Gretchen some attention)

Holding On and Letting Go- Ross Copperman

(Great description of Claire wanting Jessie)

Let It Go- Fauxliage

(Jessie and Claire as they each wonder what the other is feeling)

Closer- Mexicolas

(Jessie and Claire sneaking off together at the bonfire)

Just A Kiss- Lady Antebellum

(Playing on radio after Claire leaves with Jessie from bonfire)

Signs Of Life- Andrew Belle

(Jessie and Claire at park on playground in Collinsville)

Kiss Me- Jason Walker

(Dancing at the old football field in Collinsville)

All I’m Thinking Of- Tyrone Wells

(Jessie’s inability to stop thinking of Claire)

Ugly Side- Blue October

(Jessie lies to Claire about his family dynamics)

Slow & Steady- Sleeping At Last

(Jessie and Claire exploring their feelings for one another)

Right Round- Flo Rida

(Conversation about becoming a pole dancer and tattoo artist)

You Are All I Have- Snow Patrol

(Jessie’s feelings for Claire after she stayed with him at hospital)

In My Veins (feat. Erin McCarley)- Andrew Belle

(Jessie and Claire’s kiss in hospital)

A Drop In the Ocean- Ron Pope

(Payton questions Jessie about falling in love with Claire)

Together- The Kin

(Flirting in library and kiss in storage closet)

For You I Will- Teddy Geiger

(Jessie asking Claire to choose him instead of Forbes)

Times Infinity- Mexicolas

(Claire declares her love for Jessie)

Don’t You Want To Stay- Jason Aldean and Kelly Clarkson

(Claire asks Jessie to stay with her)

Should Be Loved- Blue October

(Forbes comes into Claire’s house uninvited)

Tangled Up In You- Staind

(Wakes up with Claire after he spends the night)

Looking At Her Face- Tyrone Wells

(Looking at Claire after they wake up together)

Someday You Will Be Loved- Death Cab for Cutie

(Jessie’s desire for Claire to have better than him)

Amnesia- Blue October

(Jessie meets Claire’s mom)

Stronger- Kelly Clarkson

(Claire draws strength to return to school after her breakup with Jessie)

If You Only Knew- Shinedown

(Jessie’s feelings after she believes Claire has moved on)

The Man I Want to Be- Jay Ollero

(Jessie’s thoughts about the pain he has caused Claire)

Run Dry- Civil Twilight

(Jessie finds Claire in his house after the ballgame.)

You Are Too Beautiful- Hawksley Workman

(Claire tries to seduce Jessie at his house)

The Answer- Blue October

(Jessie’s need to get straightened out before he can allow Claire in)

Picture- MuteMath

(Claire’s hope after her parents agree to help Jessie)

In My Arms- Plumb

(Jessie and Claire with Harley and Ozzy)

Please Don’t Go- Barcelona

(Claire and her dad find Jessie dying)

Clumbsy Card House- Blue October

(The Happily Ever After)

Significance

By Shelly Crane

Now, please enjoy an excerpt from Significance, a YA paranormal novel by Shelly Crane, available now.

I waited for this day, for this one thing to complete me. To wrap up seventeen and three quarter years of my life and to set a pretty bow on it in the form of a graduation cap. I waited for this one sheet of paper to tell me I had done something right.

I sat in my assigned seat, along with my classmates, in alphabetical order in front of the gym. The ones up front were in order by achievements, their faces lit with the relief of scholarships and graduation parties with gifts and family and friends. And getting out of this town.

I was numb. I had waited for this moment but now, I didn’t feel good inside. I didn’t feel complete, didn’t feel achieved. I felt like I’d slid by and barely made it. Which was exactly what I’d done. I despised school. I was in the early release program for students who work after school, so we got out at 1:00 instead of 3:00 like everyone else. I was barely here and when I was I didn’t want to be.

I know I sound bitter. Believe me. I know, but I’m seventeen, graduating a year early and was on the fast track to being valedictorian or whatever else but things happened to me that I just couldn’t handle. And so, here I was, sullen, slightly unhappy and skidding by.

The ‘things’ I speak of, well, number one was that my mom left. She was an upstanding, stay at home mom, PTA loving, frugal grocery shopping-coupon clipping guru of the community. And she just left us. Just like that. She decided out of nowhere that my dad had been holding her back all these years. She didn’t love him and she needed time to start a new life, without me there to pester her. So she did.

She moved to California along with every cent in my dad’s checking account and the one supposed to be for my college fund. I wanted to laugh at the Cali cliché but I guess it didn’t suit her for long. She moved somewhere else but I refused to speak to her anymore when she called. All she ever talked about was how sorry she was, that she just couldn’t do it anymore, that she was happy now, that I didn’t know what it was like to live with my dad. Yeah right. I’d counter that I was the only one still living with him and she’d hang up.

I was sure her newest boyfriend, who was ten years younger than her, could console her.

So here we are, present day, graduation day. I’m waiting patiently for the m’s to roll around so I can grab my diploma and hear the one person that’ll be in the stands clap for me, my dad.

I glanced up in front of me to see Kyle looking back. He smiled.

“You look like you’re in your own little world back there. You ok?”

“Yeah, I’m just ready to be done with this.”

He turned more fully in his chair, putting his arms on the back of it.

“Come on. It’s graduation day. Shouldn’t you be happy?” he reasoned. I just shrugged. “You wanna do something tonight? My parents are throwing this lousy party for me, but I’m looking for an excuse to leave early.”

“I don’t want to be your excuse, Kyle.”

He paled, his brow bunched together.

“Ah, Mags, I didn’t mean it like that.” He sighed. “My party is from five to seven. I’ll have plenty of time to do something with you, I just didn’t want it to seem so much like a date, ya know,” he explained and looked at me bashfully. “In case you said no, again.”

“Oh.” I felt an inch and half tall. “Kyle, I-” I was this close to telling him no, once more. But I thought about it. I have always told him no. I haven’t been on a date in a year. Every since my life fell under my mom’s pointy heels. He was always sweet to me and he was probably leaving soon anyway for college. What could it hurt? “Ok. Yeah. We can do something.”

“Really?” he said shocked.

“Yeah. What time do you want to go?”

“Is your dad throwing you a party or something?”

“No.”

Ha. Yeah right.

“Oh. Uh, how about I text you? I’m sure it’s fine but I gotta ask my dad for the car. Mine’s in the shop.”

“Ok, let me give you my number,” I said and started to pull up my gown to reach my pocket.

“I have it.” I looked at him curiously and he grinned. “I asked Rebecca for it a couple weeks ago. I was gonna call you but I never, uh, got up the nerve.”

He looked a little embarrassed and I couldn’t help but giggle a little at his obvious hand-in-the-cookie-jar expression. He was nice looking. No movie star stud, just a normal, light brown hair, brown eyed nice guy. We’d hung out a lot over the years in our group of friends, but never alone.

“Well, maybe you should have.”

“Would you have talked to me?”

I didn’t want to lie and I didn’t want to give him false hope so I just smiled and shrugged, hoping to pull off a little flirt. It must have worked, he grinned wider.

“Ok, I’ll text you tonight.”

“Great,” my mouth said but my head was already dreading it.

Then I saw the people ahead of him start to stand one by one as their names were called.

“Kyle Jacobson.”

He looked back and grinned at me once more as he made his way on stage. There was still about eight people before me. I watched him make his way to the stage and saw his parents and a large group of others stand and applaud loudly for him, a couple whooping and hooting. He grabbed his diploma and then made a show of muscles. Everyone laughed as he bounded down the stairs. He was a crack up. Everyone liked him and voted him class clown in superlatives. He was popular but never really dated anyone. He was always nice to me, though. I used to hang out with that crowd, before everything happened.

After my mom left, my dad was lost. He went a little ‘nuts’. He quit going to work and got fired from a job he’d had for over fifteen years at the school board and now works at the wood mill for a quarter of what he made before. So, I had to get in the work release program and get a job because we had no extra money for anything other than food that I needed or wanted.

When I told my mom all this, when I explained how I had to get a job to help and how dad was so destroyed by what she’d done, she said it was good for us to experience a little bit of heartache and hard work for a change. That was it. That was the last straw.

That was the day I decided to never speak to her again.

“Maggie Masters.”

I heard my name and looked up. Everyone was looking and I realized that my name had been called more than once. I blushed and giggled nervously as I made my way up to the stage. I chuckled under my breath as I half expected the announcer to call out Mags or Magster or Maggsie. No one called me by my real name, hardly ever.

I took my diploma and turned to look for dad. He was sitting there. Just sitting there, not taking pictures, not clapping, not smiling, just watching stoically.

I frowned and made my way down to the end of the platform and was lifted into warm arms. Familiar warm arms.

“Congratulations,” he whispered into my hair.

“Chad. Don’t.”

“Mags, come on.” He put me down but didn’t let me go as he looked at me pleadingly. “We graduated. Let’s celebrate. Can’t you let go of the past, just for today?”

I looked up to his black hair. The dark short locks that any girl would love to run her fingers through. His tan skin and brown eyes with his lean Friday night football arms that always held me like I mattered. Oh, how I missed him, but he was the one who left me.

“You certainly know how to let go of things,” I countered.

“Maggie.” He sighed exasperatingly, like I was being unreasonable and it made me fume even more. “Look. That was almost year ago. And you know I wouldn’t have broken up with you if you’d told me what was going on with your mom and all.”

“Oh. That makes me feel so much better,” I said and let the sarcasm drip.

“You know what I mean. We’d had that talk, a lot. I’m leaving, we both knew it when we started seeing each other. I thought we agreed it’d be easier if we calmed down a little and just were friends the last year of school. I didn’t date anyone else, you know that. It wasn’t because I didn’t want you.”

It was true. He hadn’t been on one date this whole school year that I’d known about. Him and his friends even made a pact to go to prom together as a group. There were a lot of angry girls over this pact as it appeared it caught on and almost the whole football team went stag.

“I know that. But you haven’t talked to me all year,” I said softly.

“Maggie. You wouldn’t return my phone calls. You avoided me at lunch and then started working after school. What else could I do?”

He was right. The only time I talked to him was to yell at him one month after he broke up with me and my mom left. Coincidentally, it was three days after she left that he decided to make the decision for the both of us. The decision that we’d talked about but not come to a conclusion to.

I told him he sucked for deciding that right then was the time to dump me. He said he was sorry, he was there for me. He tried to take it back, even tried to kiss me and hold me but I would have none of it.

I missed him. He was such a nice guy but his timing was just terrible and I was angry at him for it. I was angry that he still wanted to leave me here and go through with his plans. Everyone left me. I tried to summon a semblance of calm.

“You’re right,” I admitted. “I just needed you and I wanted you to want to be there, but not for you to come back because I begged you to.”

“You didn’t beg me, silly girl,” he crooned and pulled me closer for another hug. He spoke into my hair. “I’m so sorry, Mags. I thought I was making things easier for you, for both of us by just trying to be friends instead. I knew how hard it was gonna be to leave you. Look at me.” He waited for me to look up, which I did with a sigh. “The last thing I wanted to do was hurt you. I’ve missed you.”

“Chad, you’re still leaving. Don’t, ok. I’m sorry for how I acted, but it doesn’t change anything does it? You’re still leaving. University of Florida football.”

“I know. I just hate that this year was wasted like this. I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry too.” I pulled from his embrace and boy, was it painful. “I gotta go.”

“Please write me. Or call me. Text. Something. I miss you. I never intended for us to just never speak to each other again. I want to know how you’re doing.”

“I will. I promise. Congrats on the UF scholarship. I always knew you’d get it.”

“Thanks, Mags. I still love you, ya know,” he whispered and kissed my cheek, so close to my lips and I fought for composure.

Then he was gone.

I turned to look at him once more and he was walking backwards, watching me. His black grad gown flapping at his sides and his diploma in hand. He waved sadly and then took off towards his truck. If possible, I felt worse than I already had.

~ ~ ~ ~

“It still boggles my mind how you can eat those things,” my dad said, as he’s said a hundred times before, but this time he sneered it instead of joking with me. “I mean, it’s pure sugar. Sugar and starch and bad for you carbs.”

“Are you saying I need to lose some weight, dad?”

We sat at the kitchen dinette. I say dinette because it barely fits two people. This is where we’ve been every since that ride home from graduation. It was an utterly silent ride except for one ‘congratulations’ muttered from dad. Nothing more. I’ve been sitting here for almost an hour now, checking my phone and waiting for Kyle to text me. I never thought I’d ever be waiting for Kyle but, I’d do anything to get out of this house tonight.

I did, however, have a text from Bish.

Congrats, kid. I’m really sorry I couldn’t come but the boss is on me and interns can’t really negotiate, you know. But I love you and can’t wait to see you. I’ll come home soon for a visit, I promise.

“No.” Dad cut through my moment of happiness with more grumbling. “I’m not saying that. Stop being dramatic. I’m saying they’re not good for you.”

“Dad. I’ve eaten honey buns almost everyday since birth, along with thousands of other Americans. I’m sure they’re not lethal.”

“Stop the sarcasm, Maggie. I’m just saying you could watch it to make sure your weight doesn’t get out of control one day. Your mother always said-”

“Ok. Stop right there, please, dad. I have no interest in what that woman thinks of me. She left so she definitely doesn’t get a say so anymore. She doesn’t care.”

She was always on me about my weight. Course, back then I just thought it was motherly protection, ya know. Now, who knows what was going on in her head.

I’m kinda short, I guess, five-three. My mom has always said I should watch it and maybe start doing more activities such as joining the cheerleading squad again. I quit my sophomore year. I was already on the track team but apparently, our running shorts weren’t cute enough for her.

I have always liked my body, always. I’m not fat. I’m not one of those girls that fauns and complains and has conniptions every time I have to put on a bathing suit. And I’ve never had any complaints from anyone else either. Especially not Chad who constantly told me how he loved that I ate real food and looked normal and didn’t ask him if I looked fat every time I changed my clothes. No one except her ever had a problem with it or ever said anything to me about it. I refused to get a complex because of one high strung woman. And now dad has to start this crap?

“She does care. We just didn’t do what we needed for her. We took advantage. She wouldn’t have left if we had been more…”

“More what, dad? More perfect?”

“You know what I mean.”

“No. You don’t love people for what they can give you. You don’t love them because of what they do for you or how good you make them look. Love is blind, love does not boast, love is not vain. Remember, dad?”

“I know what the bible says, Maggie, but since when do you care what God has to say about anything?” Ouch. True, we haven’t been to church not one Sunday since mom left. “Your mom loved us, we just didn’t show her enough love to keep her here. We failed her.”

I stood up, not caring that Kyle hadn’t texted me yet. I looked at the sad, mean, black haired pale and thin man in front of me with his wrinkled navy blue shirt and his hair greased back, uncared for.

“Dad, I love you. But I’m not taking the blame for something she did. I’m going out with a friend. I won’t stay out too late.”

“Chad?”

“No. Not Chad. Chad’s too busy trying to leave this town.”

“Well, good for him and you knew it was coming. You could learn a few things from that boy. He was a little out of your league anyway, I think. Probably why it didn’t work out. You gotta be more realistic, Maggie. You expect too much from people,” he muttered.

“Ok, dad. Bye.”

I left without another word from him or me. I grabbed my green cargo jacket from the hall coat rack and stuck my phone in my pocket. I looked at myself in the hall mirror. I remember this mirror. It was bulky and huge, made from antique silver. Dad had to wrestle to get it in the car after mom found it at an old out of the way antique shop. I looked in it and I saw my light brown hair with a little wave at the ends passed my shoulders. I saw my green eyes. I saw the freckles smattering my nose and cheeks on tan skin. I wasn’t gorgeous but I still didn’t understand why I wasn’t good enough for anyone.

I searched through my backpack for the ten dollar bill I knew was there, stuffing it in my pocket with my phone, I headed out the door.

It was cold and humid. The air was thick with fog and moisture, making a glow around the street lights as I made my way down Broad Street. One street over was Main. I lived right smack in the middle of town my whole life. I didn’t have a car because I didn’t need one. I could walk anywhere I needed to go and the diner was only five blocks down and over.

But I wasn’t headed to the diner. I had no idea where I was going but I just needed to get away. Dad had completely changed. We used to get along. Play games, go to movies, cook together, rake leaves together. We were a typical uptown normal street family from Tennessee. But, when my mom left, my dad may as well have left too. He would never have said anything about my weight before, especially since there’s nothing wrong with it, and never ever would have just sat there while his only daughter graduated. He also wouldn’t have let me get a job just so I had money to buy things I needed because he was too buried in his grief to go to work anymore. He was not the same man and I missed him.

I also have an older brother, Bish, who was adopted, but he’d been out of the house for a long time now. My parents decided when I was eight to adopt a kid from the state. They got a boy, a sixteen year old kid who’d been pulled from a foster home. He’d apparently been in lots of them and was pretty happy to actually be adopted being so old.

I liked him right off and he liked me. He let me follow him around and pester him. He played games with me and took me shopping. I helped introduce him into youth group at church because he’d never been to church before. But he left to go to art school on a scholarship and moved to New York to be an intern for some jerk at a law firm. I rarely see him anymore. We text but he’s so busy and I can’t seem to find anything to talk about but how much life sucks here without him.

I made my way to the stop light and waited for it to turn red so I can cross. There was only one other person there, a guy with his back to me. He’s wearing his earbuds and bobbing his head a little to whatever beat he’s listening to with his hands in his pockets. He looks back. Smiles slightly and nods before facing forward again. I check my phone again and see that I still have no text. I wonder why I’m so worried about it. I wasn’t even thrilled about going with Kyle in the first place but now I can’t seem to stop thinking about it.

I think maybe I’ll get a coffee while I wait. If Kyle doesn’t text me, at least I can sit there. Maybe read a little from the kindle app on my phone before heading home. I put my phone back in my pocket and looked up just in time. The light turned red, the guy was already walking without looking to the side first and was crossing. I see the red truck turning, the driver’s head turned left but he’s turning right.

It all happened so fast I didn’t even get a chance to think. I just reacted. I ran forward, grabbed the back of the guy’s jacket and pulled him backwards with all my strength just as the truck sped by in front of us. We tumbled back and he landed pretty hard on top of me, his backpack banging against my face. My breath slammed into my chest painfully.

I heard a screech and looked to see the truck slam to a stop just a ways ahead of us. He yelled some obscenities out his window; something about stupid kids but more colorful and then sped away.

The guy immediately rolled off me, yanking the buds from his ears and looking at me with awe.

“Are you ok?”

“Uh…yeah, I think so,” I groaned.

“I can’t believe I just did that. You- you saved my life.”

“It’s fine. It’s a good thing I was here, I guess.”

He scooted a little closer and winced as he brushed my hair back from my face.

“You cut your head,” he said breathlessly and looked a little dazed.

“I did?” I felt it with my fingers and squinted as it stung. My fingers had a little blood on them but nothing alarming. “I guess I did. It’s ok, really, just a bump.”

I tried to stand but he held me down with a hand on my shoulder.

“Whoa. Wait, ok? Let me call an ambulance. If something happened to you after you saved me…”

“Really, that’s not necessary. I’m fine.”

He frowned and paused, screwing up his lips like he was debating it. I looked at him in the soft glow of the streetlights. He was tall, that I’d seen from before, and broad but his hair was brown and shaggy, curling around his ears and forehead, and his eyes were light; blue maybe or hazel. His lips were fascinating as he sucked them in and out of his mouth in contemplation. He was wearing a gray hoodie that said ‘VOLS’ in big orange letters on the front. Great.

That was one of my biggest problems with Chad. He’d been so set to go to Florida to be a Gator when the University of Tennessee was right here. Right down the road. His dad went to UF, I get it, he wanted to follow his dad’s footsteps but it just felt like he wouldn’t compromise. I don’t know.

The guy’s eyes drifted to mine and we just sat there, eyes locked on one another’s. Then the corner of his mouth rose slightly. And it was unnerving.

“Please, let me take you to the hospital at least.” He brushed my hair back again and leaned closer to inspect. I heard my swift intake of breath at his closeness and he did too. He looked down into my eyes again and watched me closely. “It doesn’t look too bad but…let me call someone for you. I’d feel better,” he said softly.

“There’s no one to call,” I muttered but wished I could take it back when I saw his face. “Really, I’m fine.”

“I’m so glad you were here. I can’t believe I did that. And I’m sorry you got hurt. I must have hit you with my book bag when we went down. That’s a pretty good grip you got there,” he said and smiled and I had one of those moments where you stare and can’t look away.

He smiled wider when I didn’t say anything and chuckled right as I came back to myself.

“Uh, thanks. Are you alright?” I asked and he nodded.

“So. There’s no one to call? Your parents? A boyfriend?”

“My dad won’t come and my boyfriend and I- Well, we aren’t together anymore. I wouldn’t feel right about calling him now.”

“You don’t think he’d come?”

“Oh, he would. That’s why I don’t want to.”

He seemed confused and amused at the same time.

“Ok. I’m gonna assume there’s a story there and you’re not just suffering from a head injury.”

I realized then that we were still sitting on the sidewalk next to each other, in the middle of town.

“No, I’m fine. Look, I’m sorry. I’m fine, I promise. I didn’t mean to hold you up,” I stammered and stuck my hair behind my ear.

“Are you kidding? You saved my life. The least I can do is make sure you get where you’re going. Here.” He grabbed my arm gently and helped me stand, keeping it there to make sure I was steady. “You good? No stars, no spots, no blurs?”

“I’m good.”

“Where you headed?”

“I have no idea. Nowhere. I’m just waiting for someone to call and needed to get out of the house.”

“Did you go to graduation?”

“Yeah, I graduated.”

“Really? You look too young to be graduating.”

“Seventeen. My birthday’s in a few weeks. I, uh, skipped a grade so I graduated early.”

“Aha. So, I was saved by a genius. This just keeps getting better,” he said grinning.

End of Preview

If you wish to get further information on this and Shelly’s other books, please visit her website

http://shellycrane.blogspot.com

Table of Contents

Title Page

1 Mad Skills

2 Thumbing a Ride

3 The Untouchables

4 Princess

5 East Franklin’s Sweetheart

6 The Tardy Nazi

7 Just Because You Know My Name Doesn’t Mean You Know Me

8 I Need A Broom Fast

9 Fauxpology Not Accepted

10 The Penalty Box

11 Money Back Guarantee

12 All The Right Buttons

13 Friday Night Lights

14 I Don’t Want To Be Alright

15 Spooked

16 Many Shades of Black

17 Stinger

18 A Tangled Web

19 Shut the Front Door

20 Is This the Beginning or the End?

21 Declarations

22 Wife Material

23 Sweet Dream

24 Kiss Me Good

25 Kiss and Tell

26 Lamb to the Slaughter

27 WTH?

28 That’s Going to Leave a Mark

29 What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Stronger

30 I Won’t Let You Be My Fault

31 I’ll Take What I Can Get

32 Accidental Grazes

33 Spit It Out, Already

34 Kimosabe

35 Simple Humanity

About Georgia Cates

Connect with Georgia

Other Books by Georgia Cates

Official Going Under Playlist

Significance

Table of Contents

Title Page

1 Mad Skills

2 Thumbing a Ride

3 The Untouchables

4 Princess

5 East Franklin’s Sweetheart

6 The Tardy Nazi

7 Just Because You Know My Name Doesn't Mean You Know Me

8 I Need A Broom Fast

9 Fauxpology Not Accepted

10 The Penalty Box

11 Money Back Guarantee

12 All The Right Buttons

13 Friday Night Lights

14 I Don’t Want To Be Alright

15 Spooked

16 Many Shades of Black

17 Stinger

18 A Tangled Web

19 Shut the Front Door

20 Is This the Beginning or the End?

21 Declarations

22 Wife Material

23 Sweet Dream

24 Kiss Me Good

25 Kiss and Tell

26 Lamb to the Slaughter

27 WTH?

28 That’s Going to Leave a Mark

29 What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Stronger

30 I Won’t Let You Be My Fault

31 I’ll Take What I Can Get

32 Accidental Grazes

33 Spit It Out, Already

34 Kimosabe

35 Simple Humanity

About Georgia Cates

Connect with Georgia

Other Books by Georgia Cates

Official Going Under Playlist

Significance