Table of Contents

- Author’s Note:

- Chapter One

- Chapter Two

- Chapter Three

- Chapter Four

- Chapter Five

- Chapter Six

- Chapter Seven

- Chapter Eight

- Chapter Nine

- Chapter Ten

- Chapter Eleven

- Chapter Twelve

- Chapter Thirteen

- Chapter Fourteen

- Chapter Fifteen

- Chapter Sixteen

- Chapter Seventeen

- Chapter Eighteen

- Chapter Nineteen

- Chapter Twenty

- Chapter Twenty-One

- Chapter Twenty-Two

- Chapter Twenty-Three

- Chapter Twenty-Four

- Chapter Twenty-Five

- Chapter Twenty-Six

- Chapter Twenty-Seven

- Chapter Twenty-Eight

- Chapter Twenty-Nine

- Chapter Thirty

- Chapter Thirty-One

- Chapter Thirty-Two

- Chapter Thirty-Three

- Chapter Thirty-Four

- Chapter Thirty-Five

- Chapter Thirty-Six

- Chapter Thirty-Seven

- Chapter Thirty-Eight

- Chapter Thirty-Nine

- Chapter Forty

- Chapter Forty-One

- Chapter Forty-Two

- Chapter Forty-Three

- Chapter Forty-Four

- Chapter Forty-Five

- Chapter Forty-Six

- Chapter Forty-Seven

- Chapter Forty-Eight

- Chapter Forty-Nine

- Chapter Fifty

- Chapter Fifty-One

- Chapter Fifty-Two

- Epilogue

- Acknowledgements

- About the author

Alexxxa

by

D.T. Dyllin

This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, is coincidental.

Alexxxa Copyright 2014 by D.T. Dyllin

Published by Tik Tok Press

The Tik Tok Press Logo is a trademark of Tik Tok Press

All rights reserved. In accordance with the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976, the scanning, uploading, and electronic sharing of any part of this book without the permission of the author is unlawful piracy and the theft of the author’s intellectual property. If you would like to use material from the book (other than for review purposes), prior written permission must be obtained by contacting the publisher. Thank you for your support of the author’s rights.

Cover Art by Lindsay Tiry of LT Arts

Tik Tok Press & D.T. Dyllin Logos by Jordan P. Fremgen of

Eye Of The River Media Design

Interior book design by The Eyes for Editing

Edited by Megan D. Martin

ISBN-13 978-1-941126-25-7

ISBN-10: 1941126251

For more information visit: www.dtdyllin.com

Author’s Note:

Some of you may be wondering why I wrote a romance novel with a heroine that’s a porn star. The answer is simple: For me, writing is an opportunity to not only expel my inner demons, but to maybe, hopefully, get some people to think about things—to start asking questions. Like why, in romance novels, is it okay for men to have sex with tons of women and in no way will this affect the possibility of him finding love in the future? But if a woman has a lot of sex then she’s a slut and incapable of love. This notion is an affront to my feminist sensibilities. A woman should be free to make whatever decisions she wants for herself and her body. That idea should be reflected in romance novels. So this book is my way of saying that the ‘slut shaming’ must stop. Everyone deserves a chance at love, and they’ll get it in my books. In closing: Read and do whatever you wish, but never try to make other people feel bad about their choices just because they aren’t yours. Feminism is about having the right to choose. Your mind, your body… your choice.

The question isn’t who’s going to let me;

It’s who is going to stop me.

~Ayn Rand

Chapter One

“Yeah, baby. Just like that. Fuck.”

My eyes burned and tears streamed down my face. Donny had a firm grip in my long blonde hair as I deep throated him. Not an easy task since he was well over nine inches and he wasn’t too shabby in the girth department either. But ever the professional, I kept up my ministrations until he slid out of my mouth with an audible pop and came all over my face and tits. I moaned and gazed up at my co-star adoringly.

“Mmmm…” I purred. “You taste so good.” My tongue snaked out to capture some of his cum from the corner of my mouth. He didn’t taste good though, he was much too bitter. I guess he hadn’t taken the advice about drinking pineapple juice. Oh well, I didn’t make the big bucks by being a diva. At least none of his spunk had made its way into my eyes. That always burned like hell.

“Aaaand cut! We got it! Thanks everyone!” the director called loudly.

I stood slowly, stretching as I went, my entire body sore. I rubbed my jaw and grabbed my robe. No one even bothered to offer me a baby wipe or towel or anything. I may make top dollar and be at the top of everyone’s list of who they wanted for their next film, but only the new girls got coddled. Some days, I missed being the new kid on the block. I snagged a baby wipe from a pouch on the floor and rubbed it over my sticky skin. “Hey, Henry, I’m taking a shower break.” I called to my director who was talking to two unfamiliar men.

He waved me off with a muttered, “Be back in twenty, we still have the group scene to film.”

“Yeah, yeah,” I snapped, before heading out.

I’d always loved sex. Even when I was a snot nosed pre-teen, my hormones just beginning to ramp up, I took a voracious interest in sex. I researched it with a single-minded obsession… Magazines, books…movies. Aaaah…porno movies. From the very first film I saw, I was entranced. My best friend Devlin snuck a video from his older brother’s collection for us to watch out of curiosity. When I saw Devlin’s rapt gaze, I knew something immediately. I wanted to be just like those girls in the video. I wanted men to love me like that. Because to me, sex and love were all mixed up. I didn’t have a father or brother, or any male role model to teach me otherwise. I had Devlin, and when I asked him if he wanted me to take his dick in my mouth like the girls in the porn we were watching, he didn’t protest. No guy has ever protested.

It was something that had always made me proud, surely it pointed to the fact that I was loved and adored. And if people loved me, that meant I was a good person, right? I just wasn’t feeling much of the love anymore. In fact, I wasn’t feeling much of anything anymore. Maybe I was burnt out? I’d seen other porn stars go through it. Some quit, some took an extended vacation, and some pushed through it. I was opting for the latter. Or maybe I wasn’t burnt out… I could be getting sick. My head was feeling kind of stuffy. Hmmm…

“Alexa!” Henry yelled down the hallway just before I could duck into my dressing room.

Can’t I even get twenty minutes to myself? I slid my eyes shut for a moment and inhaled deeply before plastering a fake smile on my face and turning around. “Yes, Henry?”

Henry’s rotund figure bustled towards me, sweat dripping down his temples. The two unfamiliar men he’d been talking to before followed leisurely behind him. “Alexa, I—we need to talk to you.”

I heaved a huge sigh and crossed my arms over my chest. “All right. But I’m still taking my shower before the next scene. This chat isn’t eating into my twenty minute break.” What I really wanted was a nice relaxing bubble bath, but I didn’t have the time…or a tub in my dressing room. A shower would have to do for the time being.

“Fine, fine,” Henry responded dismissively. He turned his gaze upon the two men who had come to a halt on his left. One was wearing an expensive suit and gave off the aura of some kind of lawyer. He was nothing special to look at though. And the other…well, the other was interesting. There was no better word to describe him. The first thing that caught my attention was his shockingly blue eyes, which were highlighted by dark, inky eyelashes. A pair of black-rimmed glasses were perched on his nose, framing his icy gaze to perfection. He was tall and thin but had wiry muscles, at least that’s the way it seemed to me, and I was usually pretty good at judging body builds through clothing. His arms were brightly decorated in two full tattoo sleeves. He was kind of cute in a geeky way. I didn’t go for geeks though, so definitely not my type, cute or not. Who am I kidding? If he has a working penis then he’s my type.

I bit my lip and batted my eyelashes, extending my hand towards the inked up skinnier version of Clark Kent. “What’s a Dalek?” I asked, eyeing up his t-shirt, which had a weird looking robot thing on it with the accompanying term ‘Dalek’.

His lips turned up into a tiny smirk. “You don’t know what a Dalek is… shocker.”

I shrugged and dropped my hand, letting my eyes dance onto the real area of interest, his crotch. “I don’t really care about your stupid t-shirt, just what’s under it. Or really, what you’re packing in your pants.”

“Hands off, Alexa,” Henry snapped with irritation. “This is David Jonez and his lawyer Michael Folio. They’re here because David wants to do a documentary about the porno business, and he wants you to be the star.”

“You say his name like I should know it or something.”

“He did that film about—oh never mind. Michael brought contracts and I want you to go over them with him. David and his crew are going to start filming tomorrow.”

I groaned. “Who says I want to be followed around by a bunch of film people twenty four seven. Besides, I’m supposed to have the next two weeks off. I was planning a trip to my hometown for the first time in years. I—“

David’s face suddenly became super animated and he bounced up onto the balls of his feet. “That’s perfect! We’ll go with her!” he said to Henry like I wasn’t even there.

“No, no you won’t.” I wasn’t digging Clark—David very much anymore. I had sex on film for money, that didn’t mean I wanted to open up my personal life for everyone to see.

“You’re under contract to Sinfully Yours Films, Alexa, which means I’m telling you that this is happening. We could always use more publicity.”

“That’s not how it works! I’m under contract to—“

“If you don’t do this then I can guarantee you won’t get any calls for films for the remainder of your contract. I also won’t be agreeable to you doing other stuff on the side. Basically, I make your contract work however I want as the owner of this company. Just play nice, Alexa, and I will too. It won’t be so bad.”

That’s what I got for not signing with an agency. I had no one to cry fowl play to when something like this went down. I knew when I was beat. Henry must really want me to do the stupid documentary; otherwise he wouldn’t be acting like such a D-Bag. He was usually a pretty good guy to work for, which was why I signed with Sinfully Yours Films to begin with, sans agent. He let me work with other directors and even other studios when he was feeling generous, something that wasn’t in my contract. And because my movies made him so much money he was usually very generous with me. A happy Alexa translated to more money for everyone, therefore… we had an understanding, one that he was currently threatening to shit all over. “Fine,” I grated through clenched teeth.

“Good. Good.” Henry grinned up at David who surpassed the wattage of his expression with a dazzling smile of his own.

“Fan-fucking-tabulous,” I muttered as I spun on my heel and ducked into my dressing room. I was definitely asking to have a bathtub installed in the very near future for putting up with the shit storm that was sure to come my way.

Chapter Two

~David

Alexandra James, or Alexa, was every bit as beautiful and sexy as I remembered... definitely sexy. But of course she would be, she was a porn star. Sex was what she did for a living. I’m not sure what I expected when I saw her again for the first time, maybe just the tiniest glimmer of recognition in her deep soulful eyes. There’d been nothing though, but then I had changed a lot since high school. First, there was the fact that I’d grown about a foot, no joke. It turned out I was a late bloomer. I’d topped out at about five foot two in high school, a short nerdy runt. Now I was close to six foot two. That would probably throw anyone off. Plus it wasn’t like we’d exactly been close. I was just another of her adoring fans that she didn’t see. I guess the more things change the more they stay the same. Except now I’m somebody. My last film hadn’t exactly garnered me billions of dollars but I was a household name, and I would definitely be considered wealthy by most standards. It figured the illustrious Alexa James didn’t watch documentaries… or Doctor Who.

Michael elbowed me in my side and smiled. All signs of professionalism had apparently been left at the door of the porn set. The glimmer in Michael’s eyes told me, successful lawyer or not, he was like a thirteen year old boy at the moment. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel some kind of anticipation myself. I am a man after all, and I was about to watch a group scene be filmed for Alexa’s latest movie. Henry, her director, had informed me that it would be her, two guys and another girl. It was supposed to look like two swinger couples meeting up for the first time. It was the type of porn with a story line, the type that the industry markets to women. I didn’t care about all of that. I just cared that I was about to see Alexa James, my high school crush, fuck two guys and a girl right in front of me. My dick definitely twitched at the thought. Down boy.

The set was made to look like a lavish hotel room. When all the lights were set up to illuminate everything just right, and the camera men were in the correct spots to get the shots they needed, the talent made their entrance. I scrubbed a hand over my face as I watched Alexa strut in on four-inch fuck me heels, wearing a little black dress that covered…nothing... she might as well have been naked. I swear, all the blood in my body rushed immediately to my dick.

Maybe I was biased, but the other female porn star paled in comparison to Alexa. She was all bleached blonde hair, fake boobs, and fake tan. Not Alexa though, there was nothing fake about her. She was beautiful, stunning… hell I needed a thesaurus to describe her face alone. Fuck, I’m like a love struck teenager again. Rein it in, Jonez.

The bleached blonde porn star and the guy with dark hair went to stand out of the way of the cameras, while Alexa and her blond male co-star stepped in front of the lights.

“And rolling!” Henry called out.

Alexa immediately went into action. “Oh, I don’t know about this. I’m so nervous, Tony. What if we don’t click with them? What if—“

“It’s okay, baby.” Tony smiled reassuringly as he pulled Alexa tightly against him, her back to his front. “It’s perfectly normal to be nervous.” He nipped at her ear. She leaned into him and let her eyes slide shut. “I bet I know something that will relax you.” Tony pushed the straps of Alexa’s dress off her shoulders and it slithered to the floor. She wasn’t wearing anything under the dress. My mouth went dry. I’d seen most of Alexa’s movies. Hell, I’d jacked off to her fucking on screen more times than I could count, but this was different. I had no monitor to serve as a protective barrier. She was standing in the same room as me, completely naked.

Without much more foreplay than a few caresses, Tony had Alexa bent over the bed and was pounding into her from behind. My dick strained against the fabric of my pants, the pulse in it beating in time with my heart. I clenched my fists and tried not to give away the fact that I was wishing I was the one standing behind Alexa, plunging into her. Of course, probably every straight man in the room was wishing the same thing.

“Oh, yes, fuck me. Harder, Tony, harder.” Alexa’s moans filled the air as Tony complied and I—had to get the hell out of that room.

“I’ll be right back,” I muttered to Michael, who nodded but didn’t avert his gaze from the scene in front of him. I didn’t have to guess what he was thinking.

I tried to walk slowly from the room as not to draw attention to myself, but as soon as I hit the hallway I dashed to the restroom and shut the door behind me, locking it. I splashed cold water on my face and met my own eyes in the mirror. I was flushed and panicked looking. “Fuck,” I swore under my breath. When one of my financial backers had made the suggestion of doing a documentary about the porno industry, I’d thought I could handle it. Sure, I’d picked Alexa to be my star for a reason. I wanted to know why she did what she did, why, when she could have done anything in the world; she had decided to have sex on film for money? Maybe the fact that I was curious should have been a red flag that I was still harboring feelings for her beyond spank bank material. It would be fine though, just because I was attracted to her meant nothing. After all, it never did before, and some things never change.

I had to take care of my ‘issue’ before I stepped back on that set though. I unzipped my pants, spit into my palm, and began to stroke myself. I closed my eyes, and as soon as I did, I couldn’t help but picture Alexa’s naked body. I imagined her bent over in front of me as I took her from behind, like I’d just seen Tony doing. Before I knew it, I was groaning and coming in my own hand, much to my shame. Jerking off in the restroom, in the porn studio, wasn’t exactly what I would call ‘handling it’. Well, unless I wanted to get literal about my definition.

I cleaned myself up and headed back to the set, determined to put a level of professional detachment into the rest of my viewing experience. If you over looked the fact that I only had to make one more trip to the restroom that day, then I was successful.

Chapter Three

~Alexa

“So, what did you think of the group scene? Were you just a little or extremely turned on?” I asked while studying David’s moody features. He was pissed off because the flight attendant wouldn’t let him film anything on the plane. Little did he know that I’d slipped her a little green for her to make that proclamation. Needless to say, I was feeling a bit smug about David’s ‘bad luck’.

He ran his hand through his dark hair and tugged before flicking his baby blues in my direction. “I felt nothing. I was merely watching for professional reasons.”

I bit my lip and tried not to laugh. “MmmmHmmm…yeah okay. All men like porn. Fact.”

A slight tinge of red blossomed across his cheeks. “I didn’t say I didn’t—“ He cleared his throat and tapped his foot nervously on the floor. “—enjoy porn. I just wasn’t there to enjoy…that porn. I was mentally distancing myself for the good of my documentary.”

“Oh? So does that mean you wouldn’t be interested in a little…research?” I leaned forward and blatantly cupped his dick through his pants. It pulsed within my grasp and came to life immediately. He was definitely my type after all.

“Hey—wha—stop,” David stammered as he flung my hand away from him.

I was having fun making him uncomfortable. I tried to contain my smirk. “But why? I thought you wanted to know all about the porn industry?”

“I’m not a part of the industry. I’m not involved.”

“But you could be. Don’t you want to fuck me, David?”

“No!” he cried out loudly, his face flushing with embarrassment. The people around us in first class tried to pretend we didn’t exist.

For a second in time his reaction kind of hurt my feelings. What was wrong with me that he was so against any naked time? I quickly pushed my gut reaction aside because he wasn’t worth it. He was just a judgmental asshole who didn’t understand me or what I was about. It didn’t help that he was the first guy who’d ever turned down my advances. It was a blow to my ego, that was all. There was no need for me to let it get under my skin. “All right then, if you’re sure.” I leaned forward again, but this time to make sure he got a good look down my shirt and at my braless tits.

His Adam’s apple bobbed up and down in his throat as he convulsively swallowed, his eyes riveted to my bare flesh.  “Yeah,” he croaked. “I’m sure.”

I shrugged. “Suit yourself.”

Rebounding faster than I thought, David fired off a series of questions at me. “Why do you do it? Why porn? Aren’t you ashamed? Aren’t your parents ashamed?”

I met his gaze levelly with steel in mine. “I never knew my dad and my mom’s been dead since I was sixteen. As far as why? I do it because I love sex. I even love thinking that whoever you have back home, a girlfriend or a wife, you’ll still think about me instead of her later when you’re playing backstroke roulette. You’ll think about me and you’ll devote your thoughts to me for a long time to come. I love devotion, David, and I have millions of devoted fans who would do anything for me. Why would I be ashamed of that?”

“I don’t have a girlfriend or a wife,” he snapped, ignoring the rest of my response.

I threw my head back and laughed. “Of course you don’t. You’re probably one of those self-righteous prudes.”

David’s cerulean eyes narrowed with anger. “I’m a prude because I won’t fuck you?”

“If you had a girlfriend or wife, no. But since you don’t—yes.” Before he could say anything else I brushed my lips across his ear and whispered to him softly, causing his breath to hitch. “Tell me, David,” I purred in my best sex kitten voice. “Why me? Why did you want me to be the star of your little film?”

“Because you’re the most popular female porn star in the world today. Your stats are—well—you’re—“

“The best,” I finished for him. “And you not wanting a piece of that—definitely means you’re a prude.” I stood and crawled over him, making sure I copped another feel on my way into the aisle. I proceeded to march, head held high, to the airplane restroom.

Once I was shut into the small cubicle I found myself getting angrier. Who the hell did David think he was anyways? I had millions if not billions of adoring fans. I was a celebrity worldwide, loved and adored just like I’d always dreamed. And yet— I stared into my dark blue eyes and saw sadness. My trembling hand reached out to touch the rippled glass that held my reflection. My perfectly symmetrical features blurred as tears gathered in my eyes. Who is Alexa James? I mean, who is she really? Is her life all she really hoped it would be? Is she really loved? Or is it all just a mirage? “Dammit!”  I cursed under my breath and turned away from the mirror. Why was I letting David get to me? I’d known him for less than forty-eight hours and his questions weren’t something new to me. I’d been asked much worse and on camera to boot. And never—never ever had my utter certainty and confidence wavered in the tiniest bit before. Maybe I am burnt out after all. It was the only explanation. The rest—David and all—was a coincidence. I just needed to push through this… burn out syndrome or whatever it was and soon enough I’d be feeling like my old self.

When I made my way back to my seat a few minutes later, David met my eyes sheepishly and gave me a tentative smile. “I’m sorry.” He stood and let me settle back into my window seat. “Seriously, I was way out of line. I just—I’ve never—“

“Had a girl come on so strong to you before?” I offered helpfully.

“Yeah. I just—“

I waved him off. “Forget about it. I’ll admit that your over the top reaction only fueled my antics. I was enjoying making you squirm.” I chuckled when his apologetic expression morphed into one of annoyance. “I guess I owe you an apology too.”

David reached up and pushed his glasses off his face so he could pinch the bridge of his nose. “Apology accepted.” He heaved a huge sigh and mumbled, “You really don’t remember who I am, do you?”

“What? Are you saying we’ve met before the other day?” I turned my body completely to the side so I could study him better.

He dropped his glasses back into place and let his clear blue eyes bore into mine. “We went to the same high school. We graduated together. Penn Hills Senior High School.”

Shock surged through my system, blanking my mind. “What? No, no I don’t—“

“Davy Jones. People used to call me Davy Jones because of my name, you know, David Jonez.”

It suddenly all clicked. But my memory of the short geeky Davy Jones didn’t mesh with the David Jonez sitting in front of me. “No. It couldn’t be.” I very rudely grabbed his face in my hands and turned it from side to side. “Impossible,” I murmured. Someone had gone through a major growth spurt. He was still geeky; I mean who wears shirts with robots and phone booths on them? But he was now like geek chic or something, which translated to sexy panty-wetting status.

David snapped his neck back, effectively removing himself from my grasp. He glared at me while rubbing his face defensively. “You don’t have to squeeze the shit of my face. That hurt.”

I rolled my eyes. “That didn’t hurt. Stop being a baby.”

“Maybe not physically,” he mumbled to himself. “But it was definitely a slap in the face to my male pride.”

“Oh, please.” That’s when it hit me. If it really was the Davy Jones from high school—I narrowed my eyes at him and ground my teeth together. “You didn’t just pick me to be your star because of my popularity, did you, David?”

David’s eyes skidded down to the ground. “I was curious. I’m completely on the level though—I just—“

“Wanted to know why or maybe how I ended up being a porn star. Is that it?”

“Pretty much.”

I reached over and flicked him on the forehead. He made a sound of protest but looked up at me like I intended. “Well, you already got your answer. I simply love to be loved.”

“And what would you know about love?”

I swallowed to combat the sudden dryness in my throat. “More than you ever will,” I snapped as I slumped back in my seat and closed my eyes. This is going to be a very long flight.

As I walked across the airport, my rolling suitcase in tow, I could hear David and his crew clamoring to get their film equipment together so they could start shooting me. They hadn’t wanted to miss my arrival but I wasn’t waiting for them. Isn’t a documentary supposed to be natural or some shit? Me waiting around for them didn’t fall under that definition in my book. I said I’d do the stupid film but I never promised I’d make it easy.

“Hey, Alexa—wait!” David called after me. Of course I didn’t slow down at all and I merely pretended to not hear him. I know, I’m a complete bitch. In my defense I did offer to let him fuck me. “Alexa!” David snapped as he grabbed at my suitcase to force me to at least slow down.

“Hands off, Davy Jones.” I hissed as I yanked at my bag. But David’s long fingers had a firm grip on the handle and I ended up stumbling forward, narrowly missing a face plant. “Hey—back the fuck off. At least let me get to my hotel before you get all up in my face.”

I’m not sure what it was… Maybe the extent of my anger showed in my eyes. Or maybe the uncertainty I was feeling about everything came across to him—but either way, David’s face softened. And I didn’t like it one bit. His expression said that he pitied me on some level, and there was nothing about my life that should ever warrant someone directing that emotion my way. “Yeah, okay,” he muttered, his gaze seeing too much. “But I want to do an interview with you back at the hotel. It will be a full sit down kind of deal.”

I reached up and pushed my long blonde hair behind my ears. “Fine. I can deal with that. Just give me some time to decompress first. Please.”

“No problem.”

“Thanks,” I said softly, a sudden shyness overcoming me. I stared up into David’s crystallized eyes and I saw myself reflected in their blue depths. The problem was… I wasn’t so sure I liked what was there. I shook my head slightly like I could rattle into place what was slipping lately. My thoughts…my emotions weren’t where they needed to be, and I wasn’t sure how to find my way back to myself. Just keep going. Push through. Push through and in no time you’ll be back to your old self. I flicked my gaze away from David, breaking the connection and walked at a quickened pace for the rental car desk. Everything’s going to be okay. Just push through it. My words didn’t even sound truthful in my own mind.

Chapter Four

~Alexa

Every person, no matter who they are, has a moment in their life—a kind of crossroads moment. And when you arrive at this moment, you don’t realize that this particular moment is any different than all the others you’ve had before. You see… This sometimes catastrophic, life-altering moment is rarely recognized when you’re having it, and usually only becomes evident years later. It’s the moment when everything changes. You are irrevocably altered, intrinsically or extrinsically, sometimes both… for better or worse… all because of the choice you make in that moment. The ultimate irony… You never know you had a choice. At least I didn’t.

As I strolled into one of the larger suites in the Sheraton in Station Square, I noticed that David and I were alone, and that he had the curtains drawn back to display the impressive downtown Pittsburgh view. I hadn’t bothered to take in the scenery while in my room. But now, as I silently followed David to the interview area he had set up, I couldn’t help but admire the lit up skyline of my hometown. A weird numbing effect was making its way through my system, as if I’d stepped out of my own body. Everything felt so surreal to me. I hadn’t been back to Pittsburgh in years, and in some weird way it was if I never left, as if it was a part of every molecule in my body.

David cleared his throat and I met his blue assessing gaze. “Josh will be back soon. I sent him to get a back up bulb for the big light there.” He motioned to the general set up of lights illuminating the interview area. “We don’t have any back ups and when that happens Murphy usually has his way and it’s going to be the one that blows out.”

I nodded and sat down in the ‘hot seat’. “All right, so we wait for him then? Or do you want to get started?” I slid my gaze back at the window, riveted by the dancing lights.

“We’ll wait to start filming until he gets back but I wanted to take the opportunity to ask you a few questions—off camera—just to get you comfortable and warmed up.” I raised my eyebrows in question but remained silent. “Okay, then.” David fidgeted and then leaned forward in his seat, his eyes focusing in on me with the kind of intensity that made me want to squirm. “How is it that we went to the same school and I never knew about your mom dying?”

The laugh I produced in response contained an edge of hysteria. “Of course you’d ask me that right off the bat. I can see that you’re the go right for the juggler kind of guy. I should have known.”

“You don’t have to answer any of the questions I ask if you really don’t want to. That doesn’t mean I’m not going to ask them.” He sat up straighter in his chair and tried to pretend he wasn’t interested in my answer.

I heaved a huge sigh. I had nothing to hide. It wasn’t going to be in the documentary after all. David had already worn me down even though we’d only spent a short time together. After a few weeks I’d probably be telling him every dark little secret I had, while the camera took it all in for public consumption. “No, I’ll answer. It’s not that complicated, really. My mom killed herself when I was sixteen. Took a bottle of sleeping pills, and washed it down with a fifth of Jack Daniels.” I shrugged, the feeling of numbness pushing down on me even heavier than before. As the whistle of a boat sounded in the distance, I idly wondered what kind of boat it was and who was on it. Were they having more fun than me? Probably.

“Alexa?”

“Yes?” I mumbled, still staring out the window.

“It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about this.”

“No, it’s fine. Ask whatever you want.” I wish I could be on a boat right now, traveling to some kind of beach paradise. Maybe I do need a real vacation?

“Okay, so again—how did I not know about your mom? People have a tendency to talk about stuff like that. And I might not have been popular but I would have heard something—a whisper, rumor—something.”

“I convinced the cops to not tell anyone.” I shifted in my seat, crossing and uncrossing my legs. “I mean, they still filed a report, they didn’t do anything illegal. But they kept it quiet for me. Even had the body removed on the DL.”

I glanced at David to see a shocked expression on his face. “How did you manage that?”

I felt my lips turning up into some kind of twisted smile without any conscious effort on my part. “Simple really. I blew them both. After that they were very accommodating to my requests. My services even bought me some time until my aunt could come live with me.”

I stared into David’s ice blue eyes, which his inky lashes were fluttering rapidly over. “What?” he finally managed. “You—you’re making that up.”

I shook my head slowly, my smile growing wider across my face. “Nope. I told you, I’m good at what I do. If I could have gone into porn then, I would have.”

“But-But—“ David sputtered before going temporarily mute. He seemed to be having a hard time processing my words, which made me throw my head back to laugh.

“Oh David, honey, darling…you really can’t be that naïve? Sex not only sells but it pays for almost anything you can imagine. I was lucky enough to learn that early, and even luckier to be so fucking good at it.”

“Lucky?” David’s voice cracked like a thirteen year old going through puberty. His face then flushed with anger. “They took advantage of you, they—“

“Sixteen was old enough to know what I was doing. And despite the circumstances that brought them to me—David—“ I bit my lip and thought about my time with those two young police officers. It had made me feel so good, so powerful…so special. “I loved every second of it. One of them even came back for more. He fucked me every chance he got, and in return he turned a blind eye to some of the shit Devlin got into.”

“Devlin? Devlin Saint? I thought the two of you—“

“Yep, he was my boyfriend,” I finished for him before he could ask the entire question.  “But he didn’t mind me being with other guys. In fact, he used to enjoy watching. It got him all hot and bothered to see me giving other men pleasure as long as he got to say when and where. He liked the control. He just didn’t like people knowing about it.”

“Wow. Fuck.” David stood abruptly causing his chair to topple to the ground. He ran his hands through his dark hair and tugged. “Just—fuck.” He paced a few steps and then returned to right his chair before sitting back down. He leaned forward and studied me intently for a few moments. When he finally spoke his voice was rougher than I was used to hearing. “You do know how fucked up everything you just told me is, right? You do know that those cops and Devlin—fuck—probably every man you’ve been with has taken advantage of you. You were sixteen fucking years old, Alexa, that—well—that shouldn’t—none of it should have happened.”

My cheeks heated. “And I suppose if none of that had happened I wouldn’t be fucked up in the head and a porn star? Is that what you think? Because this is the last time I’m going to tell you—I LOVE WHAT I DO! I FUCKING LOVE IT!” I screeched the last part at the top of my lungs. My throat ached slightly when I was done.  I slumped down into my chair and wrapped my arms around myself. “There’s nothing wrong with me, David, nothing.”

“Who are you trying to convince, me or you?” he whispered, causing my heart to triple in time.

“Fuck you, David—or should I say Davy Jones? Fuck you!” I stood and my foot caught on the edge of the chair, causing me to tumble forward onto the plush carpet. “Fuck you, David,” I sobbed as I pulled myself to my feet and ran head first into Josh entering the room. I couldn’t really see his face through the onslaught of tears dripping down my face.

Confusion was interlaced into every word as Josh spoke. “What happened? Are you okay? I thought we were going to do the interview?”

“Interview’s fucking over,” I snapped as I skirted around him and hightailed it out of there.

Chapter Five

~David

“You want me to break everything down for you?” Josh asked.

But my thoughts were still on my conversation with Alexa and how upset she’d become because of it. I waved him off. “It’s all right. I’ll get it.”

“You sure?”

“Yes!” I snapped before struggling to regain my composure. “Sorry, man, I’m just on edge. Things got…intense before you got back. I need some time to regroup.” Josh shrugged and left without another word.

The revelation of Alexa’s past relationship with Devlin Saint had my mind reeling. The fact that she didn’t realize how he’d taken advantage of her—how all those men had taken advantage of her—fuck. All right, so maybe she really enjoyed sex. I believed that. Maybe she was even a borderline nympho, but that didn’t excuse Devlin from his actions towards her. Alexa was so fast to defend her choices but I’d found a gaping chink in her armor—love. I’d seen the soul deep pain in her eyes when I’d mentioned it on the plane and I’d recognized the denial and confusion when I’d told her that she’d been taken advantage of. She kept spouting off how she loved the adoration she got from being a porn star. She’d told me she loved the power she felt, the specialness… It had only taken me a few days to figure out Alexandra James’ deepest, darkest secret. She just wanted to be loved and accepted. She fucked on film for money because she thought that was the only way she could get it. The problem was, she was starting to doubt that reality. I’d seen that in her eyes too. The worst part—God help me—I wanted to save her from herself. My little adolescent crush had officially morphed into something a hell of a lot riskier. I now had real feelings for, not porn star Alexa, but for the woman underneath the persona, the woman who used to go by the name Andy.

I knew what I needed to do. I needed to pack up everything and get the hell out of Dodge as fast as humanly possible. Of course, there was no way I was actually going to do that. You see, men may think with their dicks, but we’re led by our hearts. Yep, I was completely screwed.

Chapter Six

~Alexa

I lay in the middle of my hotel bed, curled into a tiny ball. I was pissed; I was confused, I was sad… I was on my own personal emotional roller coaster and I didn’t know how to get off. At least I’d stopped crying. I hated to cry, it was just messy...not to mention embarrassing if anyone saw you. I had no idea what was going on with me anymore. My burnt out theory could still hold water, but somehow it felt like so much more. Whatever it was, somehow David was making it worse. I mean, who the hell was he to question my life? No one had ever taken advantage of me. I’d been the one who offered the blow jobs to those cops. And I was always the one who initiated things with Devlin…and other guys. Everything I’d done was my decision. No one took advantage of or manipulated me. I loved sex and I loved the affection it got me. But are you happy?

“Shut the fuck up!” I yelled at my own thoughts. Maybe I was simply going completely insane. They always said it was okay to talk to yourself as long as you don’t answer… Did I just answer? I laughed. I was being absolutely ridiculous. I knew what I needed. I needed to put everything back into perspective. I needed to be with someone who knew me, the real me. Not just the perception or image of me. I needed to see Devlin Saint. The memory of the last time I’d ever laid eyes on him snapped into my mind’s eye completely unbidden, and played there like an old distorted film strip.

“Andy, baby, oh, fuck.” Devlin bucked underneath me as I levered myself up, and slammed down onto his slick cock, reverse cowgirl style. His callused hands snaked up to dig into my hips as he attempted to move me faster. I leaned back, my long blonde hair flowing across his chest and shuddered my climax. Devlin pistoned his hips a few more times before his release pulsed into me. He muttered something unintelligible before pulling me off him and tucking me into his side. “Goddamn, baby, you fuck like a champ.”

I chortled. “You’re not so bad yourself.” I sat up on my elbow so I could study him. His chin length blond hair was a sweaty, tangled mess, framing his classically handsome chiseled jaw. His chocolate eyes were studying me as I studied him. “What are you thinking about, Dev?” I couldn’t help but ask. Something about him seemed more serious than normal.

“I can’t go to L.A.” he mumbled as he tore his gaze away from mine. “My father’s company is here—and I’m going to take it over one day. I—I just can’t go.”

Sudden heat suffused my body and I flew from the bed, my heart threatening to pound out of my chest. “Wha-what are you talking about?” I stammered, my vision faltering for a moment.

Devlin sat up and met my gaze once more. “Stay here in Pittsburgh with me. I’ll make you happy, I swear it. We can—“

“No!” I screeched. “You promised! You promised that we could go to L.A. so that I could—“

“Be a fucking porn star?” Devlin stood and stalked towards me. “I only agreed because I thought you’d grow out of wanting that. I love you, baby, and I’m tired of sharing you.”

I was completely blind-sided. “I thought you liked to watch me with other guys?”

“It was hot—hell, it still is. But we’re not kids anymore. We’re not—“

I trembled. “It’s my dream, Devlin. I want to be a porn star.”

Devlin grabbed my shoulders, his fingers digging into my flesh painfully. “It’s one thing to watch you fuck my best friend, knowing you’re coming home with me, that it’s just sex with him and you love me, but—I don’t want the world to know how fucked up we are. It’s time for us to grow up, Andy.” He shook me while his eyes bore into mine. “We need to grow the fuck up and I want a life with you. A real life.”

“No,” I whispered as tears pooled in the corners of my eyes. “I thought you understood—I thought you got me.”

Devlin pulled me into him and I was enveloped in his warmth and scent. It only made me shake more. “I do get you, Andy baby. I’ve understood you since we were kids. But dreams of being a porn star—I mean—what is that? Who sets out with goals of becoming that? It was a silly girl’s fantasy. It’s time for you to leave that all behind.”

“How am I supposed to do that? I don’t have any skills besides ‘fucking like a champ’.” I threw his complimentary post coital words back at him.

“You’re an amazing artist. You could paint—you could—“

“I don’t want to be a starving artist!” I screeched into Devlin’s chest. “I want to be someone. And the only way I can be is by being a porn star.”

Devlin shoved me away from him, anger sparking in his eyes. “You’d never be a starving artist. Haven’t I taken care of you all these years? What, fucking only me won’t be good enough for you? Only me loving you won’t be good enough for you?”

I met his darkened gaze as tears flowed down my face. “No. No it won’t.”

As I blinked my current surroundings back into focus I punched the bed in frustration. I couldn’t see Devlin. I’d almost forgotten how we’d left things. I’d painted him as a perfect image in my mind and the reality wasn’t exactly how I’d portrayed it to David either. It had turned out that Devlin wasn’t as thrilled to share me as I thought he’d always been. Sure he thought it was hot, but he’d reached a point where he was over it. But I knew in my heart what he had offered me—a normal life with him in Pittsburgh, wouldn’t have been enough for me. The fact that Devlin’s family was loaded and he could have provided me with any kind of material possession I desired only served as proof that wanting to be a porn star wasn’t just about the money. Not only had I craved the love and adoration being a porn star would give me, but I just plain old got off on exhibitionism. Just the thought of anyone watching me even pleasure myself got me wet.

Only one thing left to do in my current situation… I pulled myself out of bed and stumbled for the minibar.

I beat my fist against the thick wooden door. “Daaavid!” I sing-songed loudly. “David, I know you’re in there. I’m ready to do my interview now.” I pressed my ear to the door and when I didn’t hear anything I kicked it. “OW! Mother fucker!” I swore. Kicking the door probably wasn’t the best idea. I was rubbing the top of my shoe to sooth my sore toes when the sound of a dead bolt clicking behind me drew my attention. I swung around to face the room directly across from the one I’d been trying to gain admittance to and—“Hey, you’re in the wrong room.” David just stood there blinking at me in nothing but a pair of basketball shorts. And I’d been right. He was lean, but definitely not skinny.  His torso and chest had a spattering of more brightly colored tattoos that I found very intriguing. Without his glasses and in his current state of undress, well it made him seem more like he should be in a band than filming a documentary. And I really, really wanted to make some music with him right about then. “Are you hiding from me?” I stumbled over to him and placed my hands—hand on my hip because I needed the other one to hold myself up.

David peered down at me, his ice blue gaze scrutinizing. “Exactly how drunk are you?”

I rolled my eyes. “Just buzzed, not drunk.” I pushed past him into his room. “But I’m ready for my interview now.”

I heard David heave a huge sigh before shutting the door behind me. “Alexa, it’s four a.m. I was sleeping.”

I giggled. “Need company?” I tottered over to his king sized bed, kicked off my heels and then flopped face first onto the mattress.

“I thought you wanted to do the interview?”

“Yeah, you’re probably right. I’m drunk. So no interview.” I giggled again and it came out muffled against the bed. “It seemed like a good idea five minutes ago.” I rolled over to my back. “Now fucking you stupid seems like a better plan.”

“I thought you were pissed at me?”

“I was. But I’m a happy drunk. And horny. I’m also a horny drunk.” I spread my legs apart, revealing that I wasn’t wearing any panties under my skirt. My eyes were currently closed, but judging from the sharp intake of breath, David’s weren’t.

“We’ve been through this, Alexa. I’m not interested.”

I let my legs fall open even wider and I trailed my fingertips down my body while undulating my hips. “Please, David. I need you. Please fuck me.”

“You’re drunk. Hell, your eyes aren’t even open,” David snapped.

I peeked out from behind my eyelashes to watch his face as I began to masturbate right there in the middle of his bed. His eyes were locked onto the movement of my hand and his jaw was clenched together tightly. Oh he was interested. He just didn’t want to be interested.  “David,” I moaned. “I need you.”

“Stop it, Alexa. Just stop it.” His voice held barely controlled rage, which actually made me pause what I was doing.

I opened my eyes fully to meet his gaze. “Why?”

“Because—because you only want me for the simple fact that I turned you down before.”

“Maybe,” I murmured. “But does it really matter?”

David ran his hands through his dark hair making it stick up at odd angles. “Yes, it matters to me.”

I chewed on my lip for a second before pushing myself off of the bed. “I lied before.”

“What?” He stared at me with confusion.

“I said I lied before—about Devlin. He was less than enthused to continue sharing me. He wanted me to give up my dream of being a porn star and to settle down here in Pittsburgh with him.”

“So why didn’t you?”

“Because it wouldn’t have been enough for me. He wasn’t enough for me.” I started to sob. So much for being a happy drunk. I was still horny though.

“Maybe if you figure out why that is then you can figure out what you really need out of life.”

David’s words cut into my soul and rang with crystal clarity. Had something been missing in my relationship with Devlin that caused me to seek out other men and ultimately a career as a porn star? Or maybe something had been missing in my life that caused me to form the kind of relationship with Devlin to begin with. Why had I decided that being a porn star would make me happy? Why did I have this desperate need to be loved by every man I met? Did I maybe have some kind of deep seeded psychological issue that I needed to figure out? No—no—no—no—no! I was letting David get to me again to cause self-doubts. There was nothing wrong with me. I loved my job and I loved sex. Beginning and end of story. “Stop trying to psychoanalyze me, David. I don’t have some kind of sad, twisted past that made me choose porn. I got news for you—some people just enjoy sex, and you obviously aren’t one of them.”

“Sometimes the truth hurts, Alexa.”

I ignored him and lurched for his bed again. The room was beginning to spin. “I’m just going to take a little nap and when I wake up I’m going to storm out of here proper liiike.” My words were starting to slur a bit. “But don’t tell you I said that.” I was going downhill fast. Hadn’t I been pretty lucid a few moments ago? I guess those little bottles of Southern Comfort were finally catching up to me. That’s why I usually stuck to beer or wine. I slid my legs under the cool sheets and curled into a ball. “Just like five minutes—maybe ten.” That was the last thing I remembered before passing out.

Chapter Seven

~David

Alexa was passed out in my bed. I’d been driven to take care of myself in the shower. I’d told her I wasn’t interested, but that was a lie. I wanted her so badly my entire body ached. What I’d said to her was the truth though. She only wanted me because I’d turned her down. It was fairly obvious, at least to me, that Alexa had the ego of a man. She didn’t like the fact that I hadn’t fallen to my knees, panting for her. I wasn’t about to be just another notch on her bedpost though. Alexa was the kind of woman who once you got a taste you’d crave only her flavor for the rest of your life. One doesn’t just inject their veins with heroine and expect to not get addicted. Having any kind of sexual relations with Alexa would lead to my addiction, and I couldn’t allow that to happen.

I paced the floor at the end of the bed and considered my options. I should probably just sleep on the couch. It didn’t look particularly comfortable, but at least I wouldn’t have to worry about touching Alexa in my sleep. I snorted to myself. Yeah, there’d be no sleep for me tonight with her in such close proximity. For that reason I decided I’d risk the bed. Besides I was beginning to get worried about her. Her breathing seemed shallow and she hadn’t so much as twitched since she passed out. What if she has alcohol poisoning or—what if she’s on drugs? That thought sent me into a panic.

I practically tripped over my own feet getting to her. I gently pulled the top of the comforter back so I could see her face and she didn’t respond in any manner. I tentatively pressed my index and middle finger into her neck in search of a pulse. I couldn’t find it but I could see that she was breathing, and she was warm to the touch. Shit! I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. Maybe I should call someone? I’d rather have Alexa pissed at me for over reacting than for her to die on my watch.

Decision made, I rushed to call the front desk. As soon as they let me know a paramedic was on the way, I heaved a sigh of relief.

“Her pulse and respiratory functions are normal. I’d keep an eye on her though if you suspect she’s taken anything other than alcohol.” The elderly paramedic informed me. “She your girlfriend or wife?”

I glanced down at Alexa’s still form and felt my chest tighten. “No. We’re just friends.” I wasn’t even sure we were that, but I didn’t feel like explaining myself.

He nodded. “It’s good she has a friend like you to watch over her. Keep an eye on her like I said, one can never be too careful when mixing drugs and alcohol, if that’s what she did.”

I nodded appreciatively. “Thank you so much. And I will keep an eye on her.”

After he left, I checked on Alexa again. Once satisfied, I tucked the covers around her snugly, and grabbed my laptop. I settled into bed next to her and started working. I had days of emails and other miscellaneous things to catch up on. It was as good a time as any since I wouldn’t be getting any sleep.

Chapter Eight

~Alexa

I woke up to the clickity-clacking of someone typing. The problem was, my head was pounding so badly that it felt like the keyboard was right next to me. I peeled my makeup encrusted eyes open, and realized that the keyboard sounded like it was right next to me…because it was. David was currently lounging in bed, propped up by a few pillows, in the same thing he’d been wearing before I passed out, typing like a mad man. His features were pinched in concentration, which for some reason made a smile tug at my lips despite my current discomfort. David intrigued me. He was intelligent, kind of geeky, but sexy at the same time. I felt like he actually listened to me when I talked. He also pissed me the fuck off with the way he tried to pick at my life and the choices I’ve made. But I kind of liked that he challenged me…just a little anyways.

“Hey,” I mumbled. “What time is it?”

David shifted his gaze to me and his expression softened. “A little after one.”

I registered the light streaming into the room with confusion. “One in the afternoon? No way.”

David scrubbed a hand over his face before shutting his laptop and focusing completely on me. “I was starting to get a bit worried when you didn’t wake up.” He opened his mouth, shut it and paused for a brief moment before continuing. “But your pulse and respiratory functions seemed to be completely normal. How much did you drink, exactly?”

I rubbed my eyes with the fleshy part of my palms. “Only a few of those little Southern Comfort bottles from the minibar. And how would you know about my pulse and everything?” I almost wanted to laugh at the thought of him playing nurse to me when I was passed out.

He ignored my question and asked me one of his own. “And you didn’t do…anything else?”

I laughed, which hurt my head. “Drugs, you mean? No, I out grew that scene before I even turned twenty-one. I have the occasional drink here or there but I’m mostly sober now. That’s why I couldn’t hold my liquor last night.” My stomach bubbled in protest and sudden nausea forced me from the bed. “Or today—“ I muttered as I raced for the bathroom.  I made it just in time to revisit my binge from last night. The smell was less than pleasant. When I’d finished emptying everything on my stomach, I groaned and staggered back to bed. “Can I please have some water? And maybe a mint?”

“Yeah, on it.” I closed my eyes and listened as David bustled around the room. “Here you go.”

I cracked my eyes open to take a glass from his hands and I gingerly sipped from it. “Thanks.”

“And here. Altoids. Better than regular mints.”

He set the tin beside my head and retreated to his side of the bed once more. When I was finished with the water and sucking on a few Altoids, I rolled on my stomach to face David. “So you thought I took some drugs?”

David’s face colored with embarrassment. “There really is no safe answer for me in this situation. I piss you off even when I’m not trying to, it seems.”

I chuckled. “What? You weren’t trying? Well shit.” David frowned at me. “And just so you know, yes, there are girls that are the complete porno stereotype… On drugs and from abusive pasts. Blabbity blah. I’m not one of those and there are plenty of us that aren’t. The drugged out porn stars don’t usually stay in the business for very long, and they definitely don’t reach the top like I did. Porn is just like any other business… You need to be a professional to get anywhere.”

“This is the kind of stuff you need to be saying on camera.” David muttered as he flew from bed.

“Get me breakfast and let me shower so I look somewhat presentable and I promise this time I’ll actually do the interview. Third time’s the charm, right?”

“I’ll order room service for you, but they aren’t serving breakfast anymore. Do you want to look at the menu?”

I rolled onto my side and stuffed my head under a pillow. “No. Just get me something greasy like pizza or French fries and a burger.”

“’Kay,” David mumbled and I heard him fumbling around with the phone.

I must have dozed off for a bit while waiting for the food because it felt like I just blinked and suddenly David was telling me my breakfast had arrived. I rolled out from under my cocoon of pillow, comforter and sheets, and slumped into the desk chair. Laid out in front of me on the desk was a mini plain cheese pizza, fries, and a burger. I took a few bites of each before my stomach grumbled a protest. A hangover is the world’s best diet. Once the food settled I did feel slightly better though.

“I’m going to go get presentable and I’ll be back in about an hour…or two.” I announced.

David looked up from his laptop and scowled. “You’re just going to go back to your room and fall asleep. We need to get this interview out of the way. And also, you sleeping all day isn’t something I want to film. What were your original plans for your trip home?”

I scrunched my nose up at David. “I was only going to take a little nap.” He snorted at me and I continued on as if he wasn’t mocking my sincerity. “And your whole documentary screwed my plans to shit. Do you think I was going to stay at a hotel originally?” I raised my hand up before he could reply. “The answer is no. I was going to stay with my Aunt Suzy. But I can’t bring you with me to her house.”

“Why?”

“Why?” I repeated incredulously.  “Are you serious right now? I’m stuck doing your documentary, but I can’t and won’t do that to her.”

“All right, fine. We’ll talk about this later in more detail—preferably on camera. For now, you need to get ready for your interview. Go get your stuff and shower here, where I can make sure you don’t go back to sleep.”

“Oh, getting attached to me already? I’ll have you naked and underneath me in no time.” I grinned as David’s face turned down into another scowl. He better be careful or it might freeze that way.

“I want you here for professional reasons, Alexa. Nothing more, nothing less.”

I pulled myself up from the desk chair and slowly made my way towards the door, glancing at David when I spoke. “You keep telling yourself that, but we both know you’re attracted to me.”

David’s eyes darkened. “Yeah, so what? I think you’re hot. I always have, but it doesn’t mean anything. I’ve never been one to let my…my little head do the thinking for me.”

Oh how cute, he can’t seem to utter the words dick or cock to me…a porn star. “Maybe that’s always been your problem.” I paused with my hand on the doorknob. “And your little head didn’t feel so little to me when I copped a feel on the plane.” With that I left the room, a huge smile tugging at my lips. I really had fun pushing David’s buttons. I didn’t even have to see his face to imagine his shocked expression. I chuckled to myself as I stepped onto the elevator and hit floor nine. I continued to amuse myself with thoughts of David until a sort of fluttering began in my chest as I imagined waking up next to him. Oh no, this isn’t good. Am I developing some kind of crush on him or something? I didn’t like that thought, not one bit. My good mood evaporated instantly. I was going to have to nip that in the bud immediately. And the only way to do that was to fuck him out of my system…of course.

Chapter Nine

~Alexa

Because I wanted to forget about him, to get him out of my system… I had decided that I needed to fuck David. In my mind, that wasn’t going to be an if but a when. Now that I had developed some kind of grade school crush on him, I knew I needed to make the when sooner rather than later. It wasn’t like David and I could work out even if he returned my feelings. I was a porn star and we just couldn’t date like normal people. It was difficult to date in or out of the business. Although, it was definitely more difficult to date outside the business. Eventually, if our relationship and feelings progressed like a normal couple, David would ask me to quit porn. That would also be a when type scenario and then I would have to break things off with him.

What was the point really? It was better to save both of us any heartache than to simply postpone the inevitable. The strangest part was that all it took was me waking up next to him in bed. I mean sure, it’d been awhile since I’d woken up next to anyone. But was I feeling that emotionally bereft that a simple thing such as sleeping next to someone all night did it for me? Or maybe it was because I kind of felt like we had a bit of a past? Ooor…maybe it didn’t matter because soon enough David would be a distant memory, and a notch on my bedpost.

I kept that thought firmly in my mind as I arrived at David’s hotel room once more. I wasn’t quite feeling back to myself yet, but at least the pounding headache and urge to puke had subsided. I was just left with a general feeling of being drained…both emotionally and physically. “Knock, knock,” I muttered as I knocked on the door.

When it swung open it was clear that David and both of his assistants, Josh and Mac, were ready for me. I was ushered back into pretty much the same set up as the night before; except for the sun was shining happily through the windows, mocking me.

David sat, his energy almost visibly bubbling up and out of him, and smiled at me. “All right, I’ll admit, when you refused to come back and get ready here, I had my doubts about you actually coming back, but here you are.”

“Here I am.” What I didn’t tell him was the real reason why I didn’t come back to get ready in his room. It would have felt entirely too domestic. I was already crushing on him; I didn’t need to feed into any of that crap to make it worse.

David studied my expression for a moment, trying to read me, but then sighed, obviously giving up. “Let’s get started then. This is how it’s going to work. It’ll be just like having a normal conversation with me, but your answers will be filmed. I won’t be on camera, only you will be. Later, during the editing process of the film I’ll piece your commentary together in appropriate places for—”

“I have a general idea of how it works,” I interjected. “I’m ready.” I smoothed my hair down and tucked the right side behind my ear.

“Okay good.” David made a motion at Josh, and him and Mac both took up their positions behind the two cameras, both of them facing me but at different angles. David glanced down at some notes, laid them on the floor next to his chair, and then donned a more professional air. He was ready.

“And rolling,” Josh stated softly.

“Alexa, tell us what it’s like dating when you’re in the porno industry.”

I internally groaned. This is exactly what I didn’t want to talk about. Hadn’t I just been thinking about how difficult the whole situation was? I kept my annoyance internal though and smiled. “I won’t lie to you. It’s rough. I’ve dated guys both outside and inside the industry. Both have their own pros and cons. It’s nice being with someone in the porn business because they understand more. But there are still awkward situations especially when maybe you have a scene with a guy your man hates. You still have to do the scene regardless. And if you happen to be dating another performer… the same goes the other way around. But dating someone outside the industry has its own set of challenges. The relationship usually ends when I’m asked to quit the business. When I’m ready to quit, I will for me, not for anyone else.” I swallowed and waited for David’s next question, which came almost immediately.

“So when you’re in a relationship, how does the sex work?”

“When I’m in a relationship we come to terms we can both agree on and try to stick to them, just like any other relationship. My last boyfriend, who was an entertainer, didn’t want me doing any gangbang scenes but he was fine with anal, DP, etc.”

“DP?”

“Double penetration.”

David fidgeted for a moment before asking another question. “Do you have sex off screen with other people when you’re in a relationship?”

“I don’t. Again to use my last relationship as an example, we only had sex with other people on set. Off set we were completely monogamous.”

“What about STDs?” David’s cheeks colored as if he was embarrassed to ask me.

It didn’t bother me though, I’d been asked the STD question what seemed like a million times before. “We get tested about every fourteen days when we work regularly. With all the big agencies and studios—I’m not talking the dirty, shady shit—you don’t get tested, you don’t work. Of course it doesn’t guarantee that you don’t pick up something once in a while. But it’s usually the treatable kind of stuff like chlamydia, or gonorrhea, which is mostly just embarrassing. That’s another reason why the druggies in the porn business don’t last; no one wants to put themselves at risk like that. We’re probably safer than most people, definitely most college students. I know I’ve been more conscious about STDs since entering the business.”

“Are you single now?”

I could tell by the way David’s eyes narrowed, he was trying to figure out if I’d really been hitting on him or just trying to make him squirm. His interest told me a lot. Probably more than he wanted to. He was gauging both the honestly of my answers and where he really stood with me. I licked my lips and met his assessing cerulean gaze head on. “I’m one hundred percent single at the moment.”

“So how does sex work when you find yourself…single?”

I tried, unsuccessfully, to keep my pleasant expression from twisting up into a smirk. David was going to find out soon enough first hand, he just didn’t know it yet. “It depends. If I’m attracted to someone I usually try to take him for a test ride. If I like him beyond the sex then maybe I’ll date him. I kind of play it by ear, just like any other girl my age.”

“Him? Do you only date men in your personal life? I know you have sex with women on film.”

“I’ve never dated a woman. I’ve fucked plenty, as you know. But at the end of the day I wouldn’t even consider myself bi—not really. I like eating pussy, but it always feels like an appetizer to me, when all is said and done I want the main course... a nice big, rock hard cock.”

The room fell into complete silence for a moment. It was like everyone but me had stopped breathing. I glanced over at Josh and Mac, who were both shifting uncomfortably, and then to David who was doing the same. I grinned. “Come on, guys. Don’t be embarrassed if I’m turning you on. I’m not embarrassed in the least. In fact, I think it’s really hot.” I bit my lower lip and stared at David’s crotch, wondering what he was thinking exactly.

“Alexa…” David warned, his voice deep and husky. Guess what I was thinking was written all over my face.

“What?” I brushed my hands over my braless tits and then placed them innocently in my lap. “I’m answering the questions you are asking.”

I watched as David’s jaw muscles flexed several times before he jumped right into the next question. “How do you feel about the fact that you’re helping to feed the sexual objectification of today’s oversexed culture? Don’t you feel any kind of responsibility to today’s young girl’s to be a better role model than—“

“A porn star?” David nodded and sat forward in his chair, his elbows perched on his knees. “Well, I think I’m a perfectly fine role model for not only young girl’s but today’s youth in general. You see, I don’t let society’s constraints dictate to me what I should or should not do. Porn is still taboo even though definitely more mainstream than it used to be. But it’s something that I’ve always been drawn to; it’s something that I need. So why should I have to deny myself things I long for when I’m not hurting anyone? By making my own choices free from constraint, I’m telling today’s youth that they can do the same.”

“I don’t think you understand what sexual objectification is. It’s—“

“I know what it is, and I think it’s bullshit. If a person wants to sell their body it should be their choice, and no one else’s.” I crossed my arms over my chest and glared at David. He was trying to corner me into saying something I didn’t want to. He wanted me to put down porn in some way, but I’d played this game with people before.

“All right…moving on then.” David cleared his throat and inched just a tiny bit closer to me in his seat. “Have you ever been in love?”

He’d gone right for the throat again. David had probably done his homework and known the previous questions were all ones I’d been asked before, or pretty damn close to it. But no one really bothered to delve into the real emotional side of my past relationships. My heart beat faster and suddenly the lights were hot enough to make me sweat. I dabbed at my upper lip and wiggled in my chair. “Yes.”

“And since you’re single, I can assume that it didn’t work out?”

“No.” Thoughts of Devlin began to swirl around in my mind. He was the one who broke me. I’d never loved anyone before or after him. I’d trusted him with me…the real me…and he’d utterly shattered my heart. “You know, my head is starting to hurt again.” I rubbed my temples and shut my eyes. “Can we maybe finish this up another time.”

“We got most of what I needed. We can sit down at the end of our time together filming, in a few weeks, and I’ll ask any other questions then. I’ll probably have some new ones by that point.”

“Great.” I stood abruptly. “Then I’m going to go get some more sleep.” I scurried from the room without so much as a backwards glance. It really was starting to get annoying the pattern that was developing between David and myself. I would make him feel uncomfortable, think I had the upper hand, and then boom, he’d gut me with some question about relationships or love. Maybe that was the real problem I needed to fix? Maybe I wasn’t burnt out when it came to my job, but rather my personal life. Maybe that’s why the whole sleeping in David’s bed the night before had caused me to develop a thing for him. Was I lonely? Hmmm… I’d have to think about that more after I got some sleep.

Once I got back to my room I stripped off all my clothes and slid under the cool sheets. My curtains were already drawn tight to keep me steeped in relative darkness, and before I knew it I’d fallen into the kind of oblivion that could only be brought on when suffering from a hangover.

Chapter Ten

~David

The interview—or partial interview had shaken me. Why had I asked some of the questions that I did? I knew the answers to the STD stuff…not only could you find her answering the same questions in articles and videos online but a quick Google search about the industry could turn up that information as well. It was almost as if I was checking…for myself. Which made me want to kick something. Hard.

“So man, what’s up with you and Alexa?” Josh asked, his eyes glinting with amusement. “You think you might have a chance getting into her pants?”

I ground my teeth together. “I’m really not interested in fucking someone like her.”

“Oh, yeah? Then what was with all the dating questions and shit?” Mac asked while he broke down the lighting equipment. “You want to more than fuck her? Because good luck with that.”

“Look guys, I don’t want to fuck her and I don’t want to date her. I’m just trying to ask some new questions. Get some information that isn’t already out there. Since the documentary is about the entire industry, it’s interesting to get a look into the personal side of things as well.” I gathered my notes and shoved them into the desk drawer.

“I think she’s into you though. How did you manage that?” Josh asked.

“I told her no,” I mumbled as I helped pack up the equipment.

“No shit?” Mac laughed. “I’ll tell her no over and over again if it opens up her legs for me.

“Let’s try to keep it professional, Mac,” I grated. Shit, did I sound jealous? Protective? Possessive?

Mac stood and raised his hands in surrender. “I get it. You’re not ready to admit that you want a piece of her. You’re still trying to pretend that you’re something more than a red-blooded male.”

“Yeah, it’s okay to want a porn star. I mean, isn’t it their job to make people want them?” Josh added.

Mac snapped the last case shut and stood. “Plus it’s not like she’s a street walker or a real prostitute. And you heard her; she’s tested all the time. She’s probably less of a risk than most girls out there. Plus you would wrap it up anyhow.”

I crossed my arms and swung my gaze between my two friends. “Ummm… is there a reason why you’re pushing this?”

“Yeah,” they said in unison.

“Because it’s been forever since you’ve been laid,” Mac stated.

“And you’re practically drooling over Alexa,” Josh said, and then shrugged. “Why not fuck her if she wants to?”

I closed my eyes and sighed. “It’s not that simple.”

“Isn’t it?” Josh asked, totally serious.

I rolled my eyes. “All right guys, enough talk about my sex life, or lack there of. I’ll jump back in the dating game when I come across someone I’m into. I’ve just been too busy working for that lately. Things will work themselves out naturally without you pushing them.”

“Whatever happened with that chick Natalie?” Mac asked. “You were hot and heavy for a minute.”

Ah, Natalie. My last girlfriend. She was great. Cute, smart, funny… there was just something missing. I saw no point in stringing her along when I knew it wasn’t going anywhere long term. “Natalie is none of your business.”

“Yeah, yeah. Well I’m out of here. Let me know the schedule when you get it figured out,” Mac said as he turned to leave.

Josh trailed after Mac. “Same goes for me.”

As soon as they were gone I flopped down on my bed, removed my glasses, and flung an arm over my face. It was like I didn’t want to watch what I was about to do to myself. I popped the button on my pants one handed and undid the zipper, sliding my hand in to cup my dick. An image of Alexa during the interview appeared in my head. But in my mind things took a bit of a detour from what had happened in reality.

“Come on guys. Don’t be embarrassed if I’m turning you on. I’m not embarrassed in the least. In fact, I think it’s really hot.” Alexa bit her lower lip and stared at my crotch.

“Alexa…” I warned, my voice deeper and huskier than normal. She was blatantly undressing me with her eyes.

“What?” She brushed her hands over her perfect, braless tits and then placed them innocently in her lap. “I’m answering the questions you are asking.” She slipped from her chair and crawled towards me on all fours. She stopped right before me, and gazed up at me with her big blue eyes.

“What are you doing?”

Alexa’s small hands snaked out to undo my pants. “You asked about how sex and dating was when I was single? Well I’m single, David.”

Her full, red lips wrapped around my throbbing dick. I grabbed the back of her head and pushed her down on me all the way. The entire time she kept her eyes on my face, as if she wanted to watch the pleasure she was giving me. As she began bobbing up and down on my length, her hips pivoted in tandem with each thrust. It was if she was imagining she was fucking me instead of just giving me head. Not being able to resist, I pulled her off me and pushed her to the ground. She spread her legs open wide and I groaned as I rammed into her slick folds.

“Oh yes, David! You feel so good! Fuck me, please!”

I slid one hand up to hold her wrists over her head, while the other moved to hitch her leg up on my shoulder. I pounded into her as hard as I could, watching her face as it contorted with pleasure. “Yes, David, you feel so good!”

Alexa arched up and screamed as her body shook. I pulled out and spurted my load all over her tits. She reached up and rubbed my cum into her creamy skin, moaning as she did. The sight was beyond erotic. “Oh, David. I’ll never get enough of you. I had no idea what it would be like—“

I grunted and came in my own hand, which catapulted me back to reality. I lay on my back, staring at the ceiling trying to catch my breath. What the fuck am I doing? What was my plan? To furiously jack off every time I was near Alexa for more than five minutes? At the rate I was going I was going to rub myself raw by the end of the day. I pulled myself up and off the bed, lumbering for the bathroom. I needed a cold shower, which probably wouldn’t make much of difference. I was just going to end up with my teeth chattering while I rubbed another one out while thinking of Alexa. It was official; I had somehow reverted back to a hormone addled fifteen-year-old boy. Fuck. My. Life.

Chapter Eleven

~Alexa

“Tara—Tara Nelson?” David scrubbed his hand over the dark scruff on his face. I couldn’t help but notice that it took his sexiness up a notch. In fact, the more time I spent with him the more attractive he grew to me. That definitely didn’t bode well for either of us.

“Yes, she did graduate with us and we’re still friends.” I ran my hands down my short black dress to smooth out any wrinkles and burrowed deeper into my wool pea coat. I’d forgotten how cold Pittsburgh could get even in the fall. My legs were currently covered in goose bumps, but I primarily only owned dresses for going out since I lived in L.A. “Hey, can we turn the heat up?” I called from the back seat of our Lincoln Town car limo to our driver.

“Yes, ma’am,” Dennis, our nice elderly driver replied.

I returned my attention to David. “You’re the one who wanted to tag along on my visit back home, and since you already knew who I am, then you knew who my friends were and in some cases, such as Tara, still are.”

“Yeah, yeah.” David muttered through clenched teeth. “So where are we going?”

“To a strip club, of course.” I smiled as surprise played across David’s face.

“But why?”

I shrugged. “Why not? I like the vibe of strip clubs sometimes. They’re more exciting than normal clubs, plus Tara works at Erotic Exotica.”

David’s eyes widened. “She does?”

“MmmmHmmm… plus it should be some interesting stuff for you guys to film.” As if on cue both Josh and Mac slid closer to David and the three of them began murmuring about cameras, booms and other technical stuff that was completely boring. I turned my head to stare out the window and tuned them out.

I started out as a stripper myself. In fact, Tara and I had auditioned together. Once I crossed over into porn though, I noticed that there was no love lost between the two camps. Both porn stars and strippers seemed to think they were better than the other. Strippers thought they were a step up because they only took their clothes off for money. And porn stars thought they were the only ones being honest. Most strippers did extra stuff in the back rooms in whichever club they worked in. At least us porn stars were honest about what we really did to make money. And we got tested regularly. It was all a big joke if you asked me. The ones that love the work are all the same at heart. My theory was that both strippers and porn stars are shunned and looked down on by the majority of society so it’s just a way to look down on someone themselves. Everyone wants to look down their nose at something, it seemed.

When our car pulled to a smooth stop in front of Erotic Exotica I immediately jumped out. I was excited to see Tara and I wanted to hopefully have a carefree night of debauchery.

“Alexa!” David snapped, halting me before I could disappear into the club.

I turned and met his gaze sheepishly. I’d agreed to not ditch him, Josh, and Mac while out tonight. They just wanted to follow me around and have me act naturally. “Sorry,” I muttered. “I’m just excited to see Tara.”

“You let her know we’re coming then?”

“No. I wanted to surprise her.” I grinned at David and his annoyance towards me seemed to soften a bit.

“Just let us get our stuff. I promise it’s not going to be as in your face as you think. Filming a documentary requires using what works best for each scenario, and in this case I want to use the small cameras to go almost incognito. We have some great night vision lenses and such we can use as well.”

“Yeah, okay.” I nodded, trying my best to be amicable.

David’s attention was diverted for a few more seconds to Josh and Mac and then the three of them had their little toys and were gathered around me. “Just pretend we aren’t here,” David said.

“Easier said than done.” I turned and quickly made my way to the club. I was starting to shake it was so cold. David, Mac, and Josh didn’t say another word and just followed me silently.

“Alexa James.” The big door guy who resembled Mr. Clean announced my name happily as I approached him. “I’m a big fan.”

I reached out and ran my fingertips down his muscular chest. “Well, sweetie, I’m a fan of my fans.”

He gulped audibly and smiled. “Go right in, no cover charge for you.”

“Thank you. Oh, and they’re with me.” I waved my hand back in my silent entourage’s direction without looking at them.

“Hi, I’m David Jonez and I filming a documentary about the porno industry. Alexa is my focal point, or star, and since you’re a fan, would you mind answering a few questions on film for me? I’ll need you to sign a release when you’re done if you agree.”

“Oh yeah, of course. I can’t leave the door though—“

“That’s fine. We can film right here.” I studied David as he worked. He carried an edge of excitement that I’d only witnessed in association with his film stuff. It made me wonder again what it’d be like to have him fuck me. Would he direct all that intensity at me? I shivered at the thought. Hopefully, I’d be finding out soon so I could put my little infatuation to bed…literally.

David glanced up at me. His sharp blue gaze zeroed in on my shaking body and he turned to Josh. “You can handle this, right? I’m going to head in with Alexa, she’s freezing.”

“Yep, got it,” Josh replied with excitement of his own. He brushed his blond hair out of his eyes and whipped out a piece of paper from the bag on his shoulder. I was guessing it was the release form David had just mentioned.

“Let’s get you in where it’s warm.” David wrapped his arm around me and I snuggled into his side, inhaling deeply. After all the men and women I’d fucked, I took notice more of people’s individual scents and taste than I used to. No two people smell or taste the same, even if they eat the same foods or use the same body wash etc. There’s always a unique flavor to them that makes them special. Some scents and tastes were pleasing and others…not so much. David’s scent was spicy; warm…it made me think of laying on the beach on a nice summer day. It made me feel safe and comfortable…at home. And that’s a very dangerous thought.

I reluctantly pulled away from David and strode ahead of him, using my excitement as an excuse. “I can’t wait to see Tara’s face when she sees me!” David had fallen back into silent mode and was observing me through the lenses of his camera. Something in me sparked to life knowing that he was the one filming me. I bit my lip and smiled coquettishly at him, running my hands down my no longer shaking body. “Tonight’s going to be a fun night,” I purred. But David gave no reaction. I narrowed my eyes at him with determination. I had a new goal for the evening: To flap the unflappable film documentarian David Jonez.

I swiveled on my heels and glided into the club, swinging my hips provocatively. I’d only made a few feet into Erotic Exotica when I heard a feminine squeal above the pumping bass blaring from the DJ booth.

I grinned as Tara hopped off stage, and barreled into me, hugging me tightly. “Holy shit! You didn’t tell me you were coming! I would have taken the night off so we could get into trouble together!”

Tara had visited me numerous times in L.A. but it’d been years since I’d been to Pittsburgh to see her and visit our old haunts. Surprisingly, I was looking forward to reminiscing. I grinned at her. “It was more fun this way. Plus I’ll be here for almost two weeks so we have plenty of time.”

“Holy shit!” Tara repeated, bouncing up and down on her mile high stripper shoes. Her generous sized fake double D tits jiggled and I noticed several men ogling her. I glanced back to see David still in ‘film maker mode’. There was a small part of me that was glad he hadn’t reacted to Tara. I’d always thought she was hotter than me with her tiny curvaceous body. Plus she was Asian. There were so many guys who had this weird thing for Asian chicks. I kept telling Tara that she’d clean up in porn if she ever decided to give it a try. But unlike me, she seemed to have boundaries about having sex on film for money. She had no problem having sex for money, but she still liked to pretend that wasn’t the case. I let her hold on to her delusions.

“Come on,” I grabbed her arm and led her towards the bar. “I’ll buy you off for the night so we can party.” I could feel David’s presence at my back, and I was guessing Josh and Mac were close by too. But I was going to actually try to ignore them and act natural…mostly because I really needed to get my head back on straight about my life.

After I’d bought Tara off for the evening, I purchased two shots of SoCo and Lime, one for each of us, to begin the night. It was a little bit of the hair of the dog that bit me. I lifted my drink and toasted. “Here’s to debauchery!”

“I’ll drink to that!” Tara exclaimed before we both downed our shots.

“David, come here,” I purred as I crawled towards him on all fours. Myself, Tara, David, Josh, Mac, and a couple dancers who Tara said were cool, all were in a private VIP room in Erotic Exotica. For the second time that week, I was completely trashed, and I was completely focused on getting into David’s pants.

“Alexa,” David chastised. “You’re supposed to pretend we’re not here.”

“I—”

“Andy,” A familiar voice boomed from behind me.

My eyes widened before I could even turn around, and when I did—“Devlin.” I was frozen on the ground where I was. “Wha—what are you doing here?”

“Mikey is at the bar. He saw you and called me.” Devlin’s deep tenor washed over me as I took in the first and only man I’d ever loved. He was everything that I’d built up in my memories and so much more. His long blond hair glistened in the dim lighting and framed his classically handsome face. He was bigger than the last time I’d seen him. He’d most definitely been hitting the gym hard the last couple of years. And he was wearing a tailored suit, something he never would have been caught dead in when we were younger. It was evidence of his employment at his father’s company. He was older, but underneath it all, still the same Devlin I’d grown up with, and he looked good…very good. His lips curled up as his eyes roamed over me. “It’s been awhile.”

It’s been awhile? Seriously, that’s what he was going with after not seeing me for years. I snorted, my ability to keep my emotions to myself lost a few shots ago. “What do you want, Devlin?” I started to pull myself to my feet but before I could gain my balance he’d crossed the room and grabbed me by my hair.

“I missed you. And I thought maybe we could have some fun…like old times.” He yanked me up and I yelped.

“Hey, hey hey…now hold on.” David was suddenly beside me, his hand on top of Devlin’s in my hair. “Let her go.”

Devlin’s grip loosened enough for me to step away from him, and it was then that I noticed how dilated his pupils were. Couple that in with his ‘runny nose’ and I immediately knew, even with how drunk I was, that had been doing coke. “You’re tweaked,” I hissed.

“Yeah, so? And you’re a whore.” Devlin smiled at me with hostility.

Tears sprung into my eyes. “Shut up, Devlin, and leave me the hell alone.” I couldn’t believe him of all people would say such a thing to me. Or maybe it only hurt because he’d said it. I’d definitely heard worse over the years.

“I said I wanted to have some fun and I have more than enough money to pay for you.”

“Why are you being like this?” My emotions were warring between hurt and anger. I was taken aback by the hostility directed at me from Devlin, and it gutted me that he was saying those things, but at the same time I was pissed.

Devlin took a step back and opened his arms up. “Like what? I wanted to be with you and offered you everything but you decided you’d rather be a whore for everyone to see. I’m only treating you like you want to be—like a whore.”

“Stop calling me that!” I screeched.

Devlin sneered at me. “I call ‘em like I see ‘em, baby.”

“I hate you! I fucking hate you! Everything you ever said to me was a goddamn lie!”

Devlin’s face fell into a frown and his eyes darkened. “No. I loved you. You’re the one who lied. You never loved me.”

I dropped to my knees and wrapped my arms around myself. “You’re the first and only person I’ve ever loved. How can you not know that?” Tears were streaming down my face and I was sobbing so hard my entire body was shaking. “But now—“ I hiccupped. “Now I fucking hate you.” I was conscious of David saying something and then Tara leading him away as he protested, but I didn’t really register anything but Devlin. He’d always been my angel and devil all rolled into one, just like his name implied. Maybe I was meant to both love and hate him?

Devlin walked to stand directly in front of me again and threaded his fingers back in my hair. “I know you don’t hate me, Andy baby, just like I could never really hate you. So how about showing me how much you love me.”

I gazed up to meet his limpid chocolate pools as he took one of his hands from my hair and unzipped his pants.

Chapter Twelve

~David

“Fuck no! Hell fuckin’ no!” I spat in Tara’s face. I don’t know how she’d managed to lead me out of the VIP room, leaving Devlin and Alexa completely alone. Now as I tried to gain re-entry, the little bitch Tara was dancing back and forth in front of me, blocking my way. I’d never hit a female before but she was seriously tempting me. I’d never liked Tara Nelson. She’d always seemed so fake, and I wasn’t talking about her tits. I couldn’t believe when Alexa had told me that they were still friends. Although with what she was doing, friend wasn’t the term I’d use with her… more like enemy.

“You need to get the hell out of my way. What kind of person leaves their supposed friend in there with someone like that?”

Tara reached out and grabbed my arm, digging her nails into my skin. “They’re fine. Leave them alone. Don’t mess things up for them just because you have some kind of thing for her.”

“I don’t have some kind of thing for her,” I snapped. “A part from caring for her as a person. That’s probably something you wouldn’t understand.”

Josh stepped up beside me and laid a hand on my shoulder. “Come on man, you can’t interfere. Let Alexa work shit out with her ex. I’m just pissed because we don’t have a camera in there.”

I smirked at Tara. “That’s right. If you don’t get out of my way you’re forcing Alexa to be in breach of her contract. We have the right to have cameras on her right now.”

Tara took a few steps back and scrunched up her face. “Seriously?”

“Yep,” Josh said, backing up my lie, or exaggeration really.

Tara nibbled her lip and slinked away, but not before catching Josh’s eye. “I’d recommend staying far away from her,” I said. “That bitch is poison. Trust me.”

Josh shook his head. “I can’t believe some of the girls who went to your high—“ But I didn’t wait to hear the rest of what he said. I needed to get back in the VIP room to make sure Alexa was all right.

Chapter Thirteen

~Alexa

I’m one of those rare people who enjoy both dominating and submitting when it comes to bed play, it really just depends on my partner and mood. Devlin though, he always dominated, which was one of the reasons he liked to watch me play with other guys. He’d enjoyed me being the aggressive one with someone else because he couldn’t let me take control with him. In some strange way it still let him feel like he was dominating me because he’d tell me who I should seduce. I rarely had a say in it. But I’d been okay with it because I had loved him. I’d thought he’d go with me to L.A. and somehow we’d stay a couple even while I pursued my dream of becoming a porn star. When he’d told me that he wouldn’t go with me after all, I realized that our relationship wasn’t what I thought it’d been. It didn’t change the fact that I loved him… just that I knew I had to leave him behind. But as I stared up at him, me on my knees and his hard throbbing cock pressing against my lips…I fell headfirst into my past. It didn’t matter what names he’d called me. He didn’t mean the things he said. I’d hurt him so he wanted to hurt me back. He obviously still loved me.

I moaned around Devlin’s hot flesh as he pushed into my mouth and hit the back of my throat. He held me still as he pumped in and out of me, fucking my face. I was enjoying it, I’d missed him so much more than I’d realized and I was dripping for him. I wanted to do more than just give him head, I wanted him to fuck every hole I had available. It was always how we showed each other that we cared when we’d been a couple. Sex equaled love and affection between the two of us.

But then the atmosphere changed. Devlin’s grip shifted so that his fingers were digging into the side of my face and his rhythmic pumping turned brutal. I choked and tried to pull away but he had complete control over the situation and I had none. Time seemed to slow down and Devlin’s cruelty felt like it went on for an eternity as he tortured my throat with his dick. Just when he was ready to come, he shoved my head all the way down so my lips touched the base of him, and he pinched my nose. I could feel his hot seed sliding down the back of my throat as I flailed and hit at him, trying to get him to release me so I could breathe. I was starting to panic when dark spots began to dance in front of my eyes.

“What the fuck?” I heard David’s muddled voice. It was hard to make out with my heart beating so loudly in my ears.

Devlin suddenly let me go and I fell to the ground, gasping for air. As I lay on my side, the taste of Devlin still on my tongue, I watched as David—geeky Davy Jones from high school—tried to defend me against the man who claimed to have loved me. David didn’t stand a chance. With one punch he was on the floor next to me, blood trickling down his chin from a split lip, and my eyes fluttered shut, encasing me in oblivion.

Chapter Fourteen

~David

What I saw—Alexa on her knees, Devlin’s engorged dick in her mouth, him pinching her nose while she flailed and hit at him. Her reaction told me what was happening was not rough sex of some kind—it was Devlin torturing her.

“What the fuck?” I blurted, causing Devlin to release Alexa—Thank God. She slumped to the floor and her eyes turned up to land on me. I was completely ensnared in their saddened depths when I felt something hard smash into my face. I hit the ground and was slightly dazed, the tang of copper filling my mouth. I glanced back over at Alexa whose eyes had fluttered shut. She passed out. She fucking passed out. A rage like I’d never felt before overcame me. I jumped to my feet and went straight into a fight stance. I’d been studying mixed martial arts for years now. I would never be big enough, or good enough to compete, but I could hold my own against someone like Devlin Saint. He may be a big motherfucker, but guys like him thought that size was everything. They rarely trained beyond lifting weights at the gym.

Devlin eyed my stance and laughed. “Are you for real with that shit?”

I cupped my hand and struck a blow to his temple with lightning speed. He immediately swayed to the side, blinking at me. His face then screwed up in anger and he charged me. I redirected his force and let him carry himself into the wall. He dropped like a bag of rocks. When he didn’t get up but blinked at me with a dazed expression, I grinned. “I bet that felt pretty fucking real.”

The curtain to the VIP room flew back and several Pittsburgh Police Officers stampeded in. I raised my hands in surrender. “He attacked her.” I nodded in Alexa’s direction. “And I’m pretty sure he’s on something.”

One of the cops moved to Devlin and started frisking him. It only took him a moment to find what I was hoping he would. He pulled a plastic bag with while powder from Devlin’s inside vest pocket. He glanced at his partner and whipped his handcuffs off his belt. “You’re under arrest…”

I didn’t bother to listen to the rest of Devlin getting his rights read, the situation was in hand. I needed to make sure Alexa was taken care of. I turned to the other cop. “Can you please call a paramedic for her?”

“Already on the way,” he snapped gruffly. “While we wait I need for you to give me your statement.”

“Of course.” I told him what I’d seen and how I’d reacted, but the entire time all I could think of was Alexa. I stared over the cop’s shoulder and watched her, hoping she would wake up soon. The longer she stayed unconscious the more worried I grew. The only assuring factor was the deep rise and fall of her chest. Just as I was finished talking, the same paramedic that had come to the hotel when Alexa had been passed out rushed into the room. I heaved a sigh of relief. Everything would be okay…at least I hoped.

Chapter Fifteen

~Alexa

“Alexa? Alexa, can you hear me?”

I swatted at whoever was trying to wake me up. I was so tired and everything was spinning. “Sleeping. Leave me alone,” I grumbled and tucked myself into a little ball.

“Alexa, you need to wake up.”

Sudden light appeared in front of my left eye as someone peeled open my eyelid. “What the hell?” I jolted up and nearly knocked my face right into David’s. But it wasn’t him that had been abusing my sensitive eyes. Crouched right beside me on the floor was a paramedic with a tiny flashlight. He addressed David instead of me.

“She seems fine, no signs of a concussion, but I’d recommend following up at the hospital or at the very least with a general practitioner tomorrow. She doesn’t seem to be having much luck lately. A good thing she has you.”

“Thank you.” David stood and shook the elderly paramedic’s hand. “I’ll make sure she follows up with a doctor.”

“David—” I glanced around the empty VIP room—no Devlin—no Tara— No one was there except for me and David, since the paramedic had just left. “What happened?” A flash of David hitting the floor played across my mind’s eye. I lifted my throbbing head up so I could better see his face. Except for his split lip, he seemed to be completely unmarred.

David dropped down beside me, his cerulean eyes skimming over me, studying, assessing. “How do you feel?”

My nostrils flared with annoyance. “Answer the damn question. What happened?”

“Look, Alexa, just because I don’t buy into that stupid alpha male bullshit, and I don’t spend half of my life in the gym, doesn’t mean I can’t take care of myself, or you.” He tapped the end of his finger on his lip. “Devlin may have gotten the first punch, and yeah, it was a doozy, but…like I said…I can take care of myself.” His lip cracked open and started to bleed again as he spoke. “We need to get out of here. Do you want to make your statement now or go down to the station later?”

My eyes widened as far as they could go. “What? Who called the cops?”

“The manager. He didn’t want any trouble for the club. Devlin had some cocaine on him so they took him in.”

My head pounded with the same rhythm as my heart beat. “Not now. I just want to go back to the hotel. I’ll make a statement later—tomorrow or something.” Devlin wouldn’t sit in jail for long, not with his father’s lawyers on task.

“Where are Tara, Josh, and Mac?”

“They went with Tara to some other club. Tara was getting antsy around the cops so I suggested they go with her and get some generic background filler filming done.”

Huh. Was Tara doing drugs too? Or was she hiding something else? I wasn’t normally excited to see cops but I didn’t get antsy either. I’d have a little chat with her later about what was going on with her. “So just you stayed?”

David tried to smile but his lip was obviously bothering him a bit. “Yeah.”

A spark of warmth started in my belly and crept through out my system, heating my skin. David had stayed to take care of me. But my warm fuzzies only lasted a moment before embarrassment took its place. He’d seen what Devlin had been doing to me, after all. Devlin and I had played rough before, but he’d crossed the line and taken it into scary territory. I’d never been afraid of him before, or anyone else for that matter. If I had been I never would have trusted him with so much of myself.

“I just—can we go back to the hotel please?” I hated how little and fragile my voice sounded. I wished that the floor would open up and swallow me whole.

“Of course, whatever you need,” David said softly. He helped me up and maneuvered me so that I was tucked into his side. A part of me wanted to pull away from him, but at least in my position I didn’t have to make eye contact with him and—I felt completely safe with his arm wrapped around me.  I let him lead me outside without really seeing anything in front of me. I supposed maybe I was in shock, and most definitely still drunk. I had a lot to think about and my head was killing me. When we were safely being driven home in the Lincoln Town car, I allowed myself to curl up in David’s lap and close my eyes.

Chapter Sixteen

~David

I peered down at Alexa’s small body as she slept in my lap. Warmth bloomed in my chest, along with a certain kind of tenderness that I’d never really felt before. Her long blonde hair was obscuring most of her face so I reached down and smoothed it behind her ear. She made a small happy sound and snuggled into me more. As I gazed down at her perfect face I knew two things for certain. One was that she was the most beautiful woman I’d ever laid eyes on. And two, I wanted—no needed, to protect her. Hell, I had already started doing it without the conscious decision to do so. She’d been taken advantage almost all of her life, and she didn’t deserve to be treated so poorly.

A part of me had wanted her to be some shallow callous bitch, because I’d never really gotten to know her in high school. I’d wanted to film her scandalous life for all to see. To show everyone what she was really like. As it turned out, she was nothing like I’d hoped. She was smart, funny, sexy, and kind hearted. She wasn’t aware that I knew, but I’d done some digging while she’d been passed out in my room earlier. She gave a very big portion of her paycheck from each of her films to various women’s shelters. She also supported her Aunt Suzy. I had been battling the notion of keeping professional distance between her and I right up until I’d walked in on her with Devlin. That sight had shot all hopes of professionalism to shit.

I’d never known Andy, and Alexa was a mirage. The real Alexandra was someone who most people never got to know. I wanted to know her. I wanted her to trust me. I wanted—fuck—I wanted something that I knew deep down I couldn’t have. Women like Alexa didn’t go for men like me. They picked the Devlin Saints of the world, no matter how poorly they treated them. Unlike in fiction, nice guys usually finished last, and guys like Devlin weren’t hiding a heart of gold—they were just assholes. Assholes who got the girl that nice guys like me wanted.

“We’re here, sir.” Dennis stated calmly. I looked out the window as we pulled smoothly to a stop in front of our hotel.

“Alexa,” I whispered, trying not to startle her awake. “You need to wake up, we’re here.” She mumbled something about ice cream and sex before going motionless again. It looked like I was going to have to carry her. It wouldn’t be a problem, she was tiny and I wasn’t the weakling I once was—but I was worried someone might recognize her and snap a photo. I snorted to myself. Who was I kidding? Porn stars were expected to lead a life of debauchery.

I scooped Alexa up in my arms and awkwardly shimmied out of the car with Dennis’ help. Once I was able to stand up straight, carrying Alexa was simple. The Sheraton employees were very helpful with all the doors. The way Alexa clung so sweetly to me in her sleep made my body thrum with tension. I contemplated how I was going to get her into her room since I didn’t know where she’d stashed her key, but I decided she would spend the night in my room again so I could keep an eye on her. It would be safer for her that way. It was my duty as a human being to keep an eye on her. Yeah, that’s the reason. It has absolutely nothing to do with you wanting to stay close to her.

For the second time in two nights, I tucked Alexa snugly into my hotel bed. I was utterly exhausted. I really had no hope of staying awake all night again. At least I could check on Alexa as soon as I woke up. After stripping down to my boxers, I flopped down on top of the bed, not even making it under the covers, and fell asleep almost immediately.

Chapter Seventeen

~Alexa

I was too hot. Something hard was poking me in my ass. And I couldn’t breathe. I opened my eyes to find a pillow over my face, so removing it fixed the not breathing problem. The other two weren’t so simple. Apparently I was in David’s bed…with David. I was hot because he was snuggled up behind me, and yep, the hard thing poking my ass… Well heeellooo morning wood. I smiled to myself. By the way that he was subtly rocking his hips against me I knew he was still sleeping. He’d probably be mortified if he knew what he was doing. Me on the other hand… well I was going to take advantage of my situation.

I slowly pulled away from David, just far enough so I could roll over to face him. Mmmm…yes. He was naked except for a flimsy pair of black boxer briefs. I cupped his erection and studied his face for a reaction. He groaned and thrust into my palm but showed no signs of waking up just yet. I pushed him onto his back and slowly, ever so slowly, peeled down his boxers. My mouth watered at the sight of David completely naked, laid out before me. There was nothing geeky about him at the moment. He was all beautiful, inked up, sexy male. He looked good enough to eat, and that’s exactly what I was going to do. I just wasn’t sure where to start. Oh the possibilities. I wanted to suck his big gorgeous cock into my mouth—to lick it and suck it until he spurted down the back of my throat. Or I could simply climb on him and go for a ride. I rubbed my legs together while I considered each option, wetness dribbling down my inner thighs. Of course I was a bit hung over, so bouncing up and down on him might make me sick. One blowjob for Mr. Jonez coming right up.

I fisted his shaft and licked up the length before sliding him into my mouth up to the hilt. His flesh pulsed between my lips and I moaned around him. The vibration caused him to groan and lift his hips off the bed. I chuckled, causing more vibration, which resulted in a hissing grunt from David. Without further ado, I began doing a twisting motion with my hand, combined with suction and plenty of tongue. I was known in the industry for giving killer head. I had no doubt David would be thanking me in—

“Fuck!” He muttered as hot liquid erupted in my mouth.

I continued what I was doing, not even slowing until I was sure I’d milked him dry. With a pleased expression on my face, I relinquished my new favorite toy and sat up on my haunches between David’s legs. His shockingly blue eyes were open and staring at me with a mix of wonder and confusion.

“Am I dreaming?” His voice was still gruff from what I’d just done.

I shook my head slowly and grinned at him. “Nope. No dream.” I expected him to be grateful, happy—or at least not pissed off.

His face morphed to anger and he sat up on his elbows. “What the fuck, Alexa?”

I scowled at him. I wasn’t used to getting a negative reaction after giving a guy head. “What the fuck, what?”

“I just—I—“ He scooted away from me and scanned the nightstand for his glasses. Once they were perched on his nose he narrowed his eyes at me. “Alexa, just what the hell do you think you’re doing?”

“I would have thought it would have been fairly obvious what I was just doing,” I snapped, anger rising up in my system to match his.

“I don’t even know what to say right now.”

“A thank you would be nice. Or how about a ‘Hey, Alexa, come here and in a little while when I’m ready I’ll fuck your brains out.’ At the very least ‘I’ll lick your pussy for awhile.’” The worst part was that even though I was pissed at David, yet again, I was horny as fuck.

David remained silent and just stared at me. His face was completely slack and yet I could see the turmoil rolling around in his eyes. He reached up and tugged at his hair. It was a sign that I was beginning to recognize as his nervous tell. “Alexa—I—“ He went silent again.

“Well what is it? Spit it out already!” I crossed my arms over my chest.

“We need to get you to the police station for your statement and we need to figure out a filming plan. Obviously last night was a bust.”

My face screwed up into a mask of rage. I’d just sucked his goddamn dick and he wanted to talk about a filming schedule? “I want you to fuck me!” If I wasn’t being serious, and completely pissed off, I would have laughed. There I was, a world famous porn star, practically begging David to have sex with me. He blinked rapidly at me as if trying to process the situation. I crawled up the bed and straddled him. “Please, David, I need you to fuck me.” I skimmed my nails over his chest and down his abs, watching as his muscles bunched and flexed. I wanted to see them bunch and flex while he road me hard.

He grabbed my wrists and pulled me to him so I was inches from his face. “I can’t.” He lifted me up and set me on the bed next to him. “I told you before that we aren’t going to happen.” I rolled over and smashed my face into a pillow, screaming as loud as I could. “I’m going to go take a shower.” I heard David mutter. A moment later the bathroom door slammed.

Why wouldn’t David give me what I wanted? Was it because of what he’d seen happening between Devlin and I last night? Or was it because he truly believed what he’d told me before? That I only wanted him because he’d turned me down. Maybe that had been true in the beginning, but now I wanted David because he was him. Waking up next to him two mornings in a row had brought up unexpected emotions in me. I was actually starting to like him. Like really like him, as in maybe I’d give dating him a shot. I was just going to have to convince him that he needed to see things my way.

Chapter Eighteen

~David

“David!” Alexa called through the locked bathroom door. “David! Please let me in, we need to talk!”

Talk. That was a joke. I turned on the shower and ignored her. She seemed to have woken up with a single-minded purpose—getting into my pants. I suddenly knew what so many women must feel like when men pursued them relentlessly. Yeah, I wanted to do all those things that Alexa had just been demanding. Hell, I could set up camp between her legs for a few days. But the fucked up thing was that I wanted more than just the physical. I wanted her. All of her. Since she’d never be willing to give me that I wasn’t about to find out what I’d be missing in all my years left on this earth. It was too late for me and blowjobs. I’d never be able to get another one from anyone but her. Alexa had already ruined that part of my sex life. She did things to my dick that I didn’t know were possible. I really didn’t need for her to completely ruin me for other women. I was only twenty-seven, but one day I wanted to get married and have kids, the whole shebang. How would I do that if I couldn’t touch another women after Alexa?

“David! Stop being so—so girly! Just come out here or let me in! We can take a shower together!”

Shit. Even she knew I was being like a bitch hiding in the bathroom from her. “Alexa, you need to respect my boundaries!” Holy fuck, did I really just say that? If my dick wasn’t rock hard again, just from thinking about her and me together in the shower, I’d swear I’d grown a vagina.

“Fine.” She snapped and all went silent.

Not good. I have a mother. I know when any female utters that word, nothing but trouble was abound for the man it was directed at. In other words, things were definitely not fine.

Chapter Nineteen

~Alexa

The level of ridiculousness that was happening between David and I was off the charts. There I was, huffing and puffing at the bathroom door, like some kind of oversexed big bad wolf. What the hell was going on with me? I was acting desperate, and Alexa James does not do desperate. I was all twisted inside. I’d pushed aside all thoughts of what had happened with Devlin to focus solely on David. Or maybe that’s why I was doing what I was doing? Okay, so Devlin had made me feel every bit like the whore he’d kept calling me. I liked David, and thought he was an honest to God good guy. Was I trying to validate my worth by way of David? Like if a guy of his caliber wanted me it said I wasn’t the piece of shit Devlin claimed I was? Ugh! I rubbed my temples and grimaced. And the day had started out with such promise. Waking up in David’s arms had been…nice. And something I obviously shouldn’t get used to. So why did the thought of it not happening again make my gut twist?

I heard the faint chimes of my cell phone coming from my purse, which was laying on the floor next to the bed. I hurried to answer it before I missed the call. My caller ID let me know it was Tara. “Hello?”

“Hey girl, I just wanted to check in on you.”

“Me? What happened to you last night?” Now was probably not the time for the conversation I really wanted to have with her.

“I showed Josh and Mac a good time.” She snickered. “A really good time.”

“You can’t possibly mean what I think you mean?” The three of them? And Tara said she’d be no good at porn.

“Oh yes. I’m starting to understand the appeal of the nerdy boys. They’re very…attentive.” She snickered again.

“All right. As much as I’m dying to hear the details, now really isn’t a good time.”

“Oh, you naughty girl! You hooked up with David! You’re with him, aren’t you? You were all over him last night, well before Devlin showed up.”

I heaved a huge sigh. “I really don’t want to talk about David or Devlin right now.” I paused and then mused aloud. “You know, I’m just now noticing how similar their names are. David, Devlin… Double D’s…” I laughed. “I used to think Double Ds were so much more fun. What a let down.” I glared at the still closed bathroom door. That’s when I realized… David was in the bathroom. Mac and Josh were nowhere in sight. I could make a getaway. “I gotta go. I’ll call you later.” I hung up the phone before Tara could respond.

I gathered my things and made my exit before David emerged from the shower.

I gazed out the window as the cab rolled to a stop in front of my Aunt Suzy’s modest house in Monroeville, PA. I’d wanted to buy her a bigger, nicer home somewhere, but she’d refused. “Thanks,” I said as I handed the cab driver his fee, plus a big fat tip. I hadn’t wanted to take the car service because then David would have been able to track me down.

Before I’d even made it up the driveway, my Aunt Suzy was sprinting towards me; her blonde curls bouncing with each step. “Andy!” She exclaimed brightly before hugging me. “What a surprise!”

“Then how did you know I was here before I even knocked on the door? Hell, before I even made it up the driveway?” I asked while trying to breathe around her massive mop of hair.

“I happened to glance out the window when I heard a car door shut.” She let me go and took my arm, leading me into the house.

“Were you expecting someone?” I asked, noticing that my aunt was looking less than casual to be hanging around the house, in her tight black pants, heals and fitted sweater. Aunt Suzy was only a few years older than me and had always been like more of a sister. She’d only been twenty when my mom had died and she’d come to take care of me. She’d sacrificed so much for me and I just wished she’d let me do more for her than pay a few bills.

“Well…umm…” Her face heated and she averted her gaze. “I was going to tell you the next time I talked to you, but I’ve been seeing someone.”

“Oh my God! That’s fantastic! When? I mean, for how long? Is it serious?” I bounced up and down. “You need to tell me everything!” I was so excited for her. A few years ago she’d had a mastectomy for part of her breast cancer treatment. Even though she’d turned down my offer to buy her implants and to have her scars treated, I knew she wasn’t as secure with her body as she pretended. Since the cancer I’d thought she’d given up on dating completely, which made me worry about her constantly. I’d tried several times to convince her to move to L.A. so that I wouldn’t feel as guilty about leaving her all alone. I mean, she had friends and everything, but it just wasn’t the same. At least I didn’t think so.

I followed Aunt Suzy into her living room and sat down next to her on the couch, and waited expectantly for her answers. A grin spread across her face as she began. “I met him a few months ago at the gallery. He’s a very talented artist. At first I’d refused to go out with him. But he—“ She blushed. “—he wouldn’t take no for an answer.”

I bounced in my seat. “So what’s he like? What’s his name? Come on, I’m dying over here!”

Aunt Suzy laughed. “He, well—“ her smile turned inward as she thought about him. “He says I’m beautiful just the way I am.”

My chest tightened and tears pooled in my eyes. Of course I thought Aunt Suzy was beautiful. She was tall, thin, in amazing shape—she was only thirty-one and still full of so much life. But to hear that she’d found someone else—a guy that she obviously cared about, that thought the same thing… I was beyond happy for her. I was about to cry her a happy river I was so excited. “I can’t wait to meet him,” was all I could choke out.

As if on cue, there was a knock at the front door. “That must be him!” Aunt Suzy exclaimed as she bounded to the door. “Oh hello, can I help you?”

“Yes, is Alexa here?”

Oh shit! How had he found me? Somehow, in record time, David had managed to track me down. Fresh anger surged through me as I stalked to the door. “I didn’t invite you here, David. And so help me God, if you think you’re filming here I’m going to—“

While still on the other side of the screen door, David raised his hands up in surrender. “I didn’t bring any equipment and I’m alone. I just came to—“ His cerulean eyes bore into mine. “I…um… I came to check up on you. I got worried when you disappeared without saying anything.”

I crossed my arms over my chest and scrunched my face up at him. “You know what you could have done to keep me there.” His eyes darted back and forth between Aunt Suzy and me. I could tell he was not wanting to air out our hotel room debacle in front of her.

“Why don’t you invite your friend in, Andy?” Aunt Suzy smiled sweetly at me, a twinkle that I didn’t like very much dancing in her green eyes.

“Why sure. David, would you like to come into my Aunt Suzy’s house, where I most definitely did not invite you? But don’t let that stop you.”

David grimaced but stepped into the foyer when Aunt Suzy unlatched the door for him. “Is there somewhere we can talk…in private?”

“Nope. Whatever you have to say you can say in front of Aunt Suzy.” Judging by the expression on David’s face, things were about to get very interesting.

Chapter Twenty

~David

I gulped to try and combat the sudden dryness in my throat. As I gazed at Alexa’s hostile expression I began to wonder if coming here had been a good idea. It had seemed like one at the time. Now, I wasn’t so sure. “Okay, well, I don’t want to leave things the way they were between us. What happened this morning—“

“You mean when I gave you probably the best head of your life and you ran and locked yourself in the bathroom like a scared little girl afterwards? Well sure, we can talk about that if you really want to.”

My face heated and sweat pooled around my hairline. “It wasn’t that simple. You wouldn’t take no for an answer and—“

“Are you hearing this, Aunt Suzy? Poor little David wants to explain why he was such a little girl this morning.”

“That’s enough, Andy.” Alexa’s aunt chastised. “How many times do I have to tell you that relationships aren’t all about sex? Sometimes I think you’re really a man trapped in a woman’s body.”

I couldn’t help but to laugh. Alexa’s gaze swung back to me and her eyes narrowed into a death glare. If looks could kill, sprang into my mind. “If I’m a man in a woman’s body then you’re a woman in a man’s body,” she snapped.

“Andy.”

Alexa threw her hands up in the air in defeat. “Fine. You want to talk, David? Then come with me.” I hesitantly trailed along after Alexa. Her body was radiating anger with each step she took. I was worried she was going to explode at me at the slightest provocation, so I temporarily kept my mouth shut.

“When you’re done with your little chat, Eli should be here, so come out and I’ll introduce you!” Suzy called.

“Okay!” Alexa responded brightly before turning her attention back to me. “This is going to be a quick talk and then you’re leaving.”

I nodded numbly; realizing for certain that coming here had been a mistake. I also realized that even though I hadn’t had sex with Alexa, I was already caught in her web. The minute I’d discovered she’d made a run for it, I’d tracked her down like some lovesick desperate teenager. Fuck me, maybe I actually am turning into a woman.

She led me towards the back of the house and into a small room. When I saw the inside I stopped short. Everything—the comforters, pillows, dresser—was black. “Aahhh… what’s with the décor ala depressing?”

Alexa seemed to forget she was pissed and chuckled. “You should have seen my room in our house in Penn Hills. Even the walls were black.” Her eyes glazed over and took on the look of someone lost in memory. “It was kind of depressing, but of course I was rebelling, against what I’m not really sure. I was just an angsty teenager.” She shrugged.

I walked over to the dresser and ran my hand over it. “You painted this yourself?” I asked, but the answer was clear to anyone with eyes.

“Yeah, I was dedicated to my abhorrence of color. The brown of the wood just wasn’t good enough for teenage me.”

I thought back to the younger version of myself. “A lot of things weren’t good enough for teenage you.” Of course I hadn’t meant to say that out loud.

Alexa tilted her head at me. “Is that what this is all about? Was I mean to you in high school or something? Because I was kind of a bitch back then.”

“No, you never really noticed me.” Which was almost worse. Again… of course I hadn’t meant to broadcast my thoughts.

She slithered into me and gazed up the line of my body as she wrapped her arms around my waist. “I notice you now.” And my dick was noticing her noticing me now.

“Look, Alexa, I—“ Could I or even—should I tell her that I had feelings for her? “I care about you. And that there is where the problem lies.”

Her dark blue eyes widened as she continued to study my face. “So you really are like a girl? You wouldn’t be able to have casual sex and then let it go?”

I flicked my gaze away from her, and shook my head slowly. “No. I don’t really do casual sex. And you and I know I’m not the guy who gets the girl,” I muttered the last part and untangled myself from her.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Frustration won and I blurted out exactly what I didn’t want to tell her. “Everyone knows that nice guys finish last. Guys like Devlin are the ones girls like you end up with. Not me. I could never really get a girl like you. Or what I mean is that I could never keep you for mine.” I was suddenly overwhelmed by an uncontrollable urge to kiss her. Something inside of me was telling me that after my confession it may very well be my last chance…ever. I grabbed her hair at the base of her neck and ducked down as I pulled her to me. My lips slanted over hers and I pushed my tongue into her mouth when it opened in surprise. She tasted so sweet, and yet bitter at the same time, which figured because she was both of those things. I put all of my pent up emotions into that kiss, taking control of her like I’d never done with anyone before. It only took her a moment before she responded, hopping up to wrap her legs around my waist. I groaned when she swiveled her hips, my growing dick harder than I ever thought possible.

“Alexa!” Suzy called. “Come meet Eli.”

Both Alexa and I froze. She pulled away from me and cleared her throat. “We can finish our conversation later, back at the hotel.” She slid down my body like she was climbing down a tree and left me standing there, unsure, even though I’d been the one to instigate our physical interaction… What exactly had just happened?

Chapter Twenty-One

~Alexa

What the hell just happened? One minute we were talking about my teenage self’s penchant for black, and the next David was kissing me. And let me tell you, I’d never been kissed like that before. It wasn’t that he’d finally taken the initiative and taken control, no. I’ve been dominated more times than I could count, and honestly, a lot better than what David had done. It was all about how his kiss had made me feel. I’d never experienced anything—ever—like that before. The second that our lips had met, my body exploded in sensations. Goose bumps had rushed across my flesh in quick succession, and without any conscious thought I had opened up to him, on more than one level. I hadn’t really had a choice. Colors had exploded behind my eyelids, and warmth had bloomed in my chest. Not to mention that I was more turned on than I had been in a long time. Probably longer than I’d like to admit. David’s kiss had me completely sprung. I guess I was no longer mad at him.

Aunt Suzy was waiting in the living room on the couch next to a very attractive older man. If I had to guess I’d say he was in his mid to late thirties, but in very good shape. His only aging factors were some lines around his eyes and a sprinkle of grey hair around his temples. Of course the lighter hair was more pronounced in his deep brown hair. He was rather handsome, even more so because of how he was smiling at Aunt Suzy before the two of them realized I was watching them. I cleared my throat demonstratively to get their attention. I felt almost like I was intruding on a private moment even though they weren’t touching.

Aunt Suzy and Eli both stood immediately and turned to face me, matching smiles on their faces. After a nod of encouragement, Eli strode towards me in what I thought was an offering to shake my hand, but instead he pulled me into a quick hug before releasing me.

“It’s great to finally meet you, Andy. Suzy has told me so much about you.”

“Oh, well, yes,” I said, a bit thrown. I hadn’t really been expecting a hug. I wasn’t much for people touching me unless it was for sexual reasons, my Aunt Suzy was the very big exception. “It’s great to meet you. Although I’ve heard absolutely nothing about you until about twenty minutes ago. It would have been—“ I swallowed the rest of my sentence. I really didn’t want to put Aunt Suzy in an awkward situation and I also didn’t want to come off as a complete bitch—even though I actually was one most of the time.

Aunt Suzy’s eyes were focused directly over my shoulder. “Oh, David, are you staying?”

“I was just going to say goo—“

I swiveled around and grabbed David’s hand, imploring him with my eyes. “You were going to stay, right?”

Confusion played across his expression before his features settled into a polite smile, which he directed at Aunt Suzy. “Yes, Alexa invited me to stay if that’s all right with you?”

Aunt Suzy’s smile went up a few watts. “Of course. We can all have something to eat and talk. It’ll be fun.”

“MmmmHmmm… David this is Eli,” I added. I was still trying to figure out why I’d just invited David to stay, and why I was holding onto his hand like it was some kind of lifeline.

David squeezed my hand and let go, offering it to Eli in greeting. I had to fight the urge to grasp at it. “Nice to meet you.” As soon as he was done shaking Eli’s hand, David intertwined his fingers with mine again. I heaved a sigh of relief. My relief was short lived though, because my reaction to David was unsettling. What was going on with me? And with me and him? And with him?

Before I had a chance to sift through my thoughts, Aunt Suzy had herded all of us into her brightly decorated kitchen. She favored the color yellow when it came to kitchen related items. It reflected her optimistic personality perfectly, even if it did hurt my eyes a bit. When I’d been living with her, maybe my love of black had not only been stupid teenage rebellion but a self defense mechanism. Maybe I preferred the color to simply give my retinas some down time.

Eli, David and I all sat at table covered with yellow checkers and began the painful process of small talk. “So, Eli, Aunt Suzy tells me that you’re an artist? What kind of art?”

Eli immediately seemed to relax with the topic. “I paint and sculpt, but as—“

“Oh, he’s absolutely brilliant!” Aunt Suzy exclaimed. “You should see some of his work if you have the time before you leave, Andy.” She turned to Eli. “Andy used to paint. I don’t know why she gave it up, she was so talented.” I could feel David’s curious gaze on me. Not many people were privy to my artistic endeavors in my past. “I think I have some pasta salad if anyone’s hungry. I know I am.” Aunt Suzy stated brightly as she popped up from her chair. She always got like that when she was entertaining. I affectionately referred to it as her ‘hostess ADD’.

David jumped in, eager to help. “We can make time for Alexa to see some of Eli’s work. We could probably fit it into the documentary which, I don’t know, may give you some exposure, if you want it.” The problem was, I forgot to tell David one very important thing. It was the real reason why I hadn’t wanted him to come with me to my Aunt Suzy’s house to film. She had absolutely no idea what I really did for a living. I hoped I already hadn’t said too much before when I was angry at David. I hadn’t exactly been thinking clearly.

“What documentary?” Aunt Suzy asked with her face in the refrigerator.

Eli merely lifted an eyebrow and studied me with new interest. I started to sweat because I knew what was happening. He was trying to place me. As ludicrous as it seems, hiding my porn star status from my Aunt Suzy hadn’t been that difficult over the years. She thought I was a personal assistant for a porn director. I’d told her it was good money and that it was my stepping-stone into the general film industry. She’d easily accepted that, especially because she was one of those rare people who are trusting and genuine. But the chances of a guy, especially Eli’s age, not at least seeing my picture somewhere, those percentages were pretty slim.

I kicked David under the table to get his attention. His confused cerulean eyes snapped to meet my mine. “Can I talk to you…in private for a minute?”

“Ummm…yeah?”

I grabbed him by the arm and tugged him roughly out of his seat. “We’ll be right back.” When I had David safely out of ear shot I started to freak out. “David, you can’t say anything to Aunt Suzy or Eli about the documentary! They can’t know anything! You have to promise me! And you need to come up with some lie about what you just said! Or you should probably just leave.” I went behind him and started pushing him towards the front door.

“Hey, hey, hey! Wait, what are you talking about?” David dug his heels in and he stopped right were he was.

Still in freak out mode I flew around to stand in front of him. “You don’t understand! She can’t know!” I hissed. “She just can’t know! Please, David! I’m begging you! I’ll do whatever you want!”

David took me by my shoulders and shook me slightly. “You need to calm down so you can explain what the hell you’re talking about.”

“I’m talking about the fact that my Aunt Suzy doesn’t really know what I do for a living.”

I watched as David’s jaw went completely slack and his mouth quite literally fell open. “What?” He blinked rapidly at me. “You need to explain. Now.”

Chapter Twenty-Two

~David

Alexa stared up at me with desperation in her eyes. “It’s just like it sounds. My Aunt Suzy doesn’t know what I do for a living.”

I was having trouble wrapping my mind around what she was saying. “How is that possible? You’re famous.”

“I’m a famous—“ Alexa glanced around as if someone had snuck up on us. “—porn star,” she hissed. “Aunt Suzy doesn’t exactly partake in that kind of entertainment. She thinks I’m a personal assistant for a porno director at the studio I work for.”

I was still finding it hard to believe, especially since her Aunt was still living in Alexa’s hometown, that someone hadn’t told her. It seemed so outlandish that she didn’t know. Impossible even, except for that fact that it clearly wasn’t. “Are you sure she’s just not patronizing you? Letting you think she doesn’t know because it’s obvious you don’t want her to…” I let my voice trail off as I watched Alexa’s nostrils flare with annoyance.

“She doesn’t know. So you need to keep your big mouth shut. I could tell by the way Eli was eyeing me though that he’s one step away from figuring it out. Plus you called me Alexa, which isn’t helping the situation. Only call me Andy in front of them.” She scrunched up her face in consideration. “Although now I’m wondering if I should tell Aunt Suzy about her new man’s porn addiction. But how would I tell her about him without giving myself away?” she mused.

I snorted. “Listen to yourself. You do porn for a living. You keep telling me that you love what you do, are even proud, and yet you’re embarrassed to let the only family you have know about it. Not to mention that suddenly it’s bad if Eli watches porn. I thought you said all men watch porn.”

Alexa finally pulled away from me, leaving my hands feeling bereft without her silky skin under them. “Not the man who’s with Aunt Suzy. She deserves a special kind of man. A man better than all the rest.”

“Oh I see.” And I did. Alexa was being a hypocrite. But she was being one out of love for her Aunt. At the same time I wasn’t going to aid and abed her with outing Eli when it came to something as natural as watching porn. That would make me a hypocrite as well. I would help Alexa keep her secret though. It was her choice to lie about her career. “I’ll say that I’m filming a documentary about porn, because I am, but you’re helping me out in the personal assistant capacity.” I shrugged. “I don’t know, since you said you work for the porn studio then it sounds somewhat believable. You would know the industry a bit. Also I could say you’re helping me on your time off. But you may have to do one thing that I know you’re not going to like.”

“What?” Alexa snapped.

“You’re helping me because we’re dating.”

“Fine.” She agreed faster than expected. She grabbed my hand and led me back into the kitchen.

She pasted a fake smile on her face. How did no one else ever seem to notice when Alexa wasn’t being honest? To me it was as obvious as the nose on her face. “Sorry about that. I just wanted to talk to David about something in private. “

Her Aunt Suzy narrowed her eyes at Alexa as she pushed her blonde curls behind her ears. “Andy. You’re not still giving poor David a hard time, are you?”

“No!” Alexa exclaimed. “It was about something totally different, I swear.”

“Don’t worry.” I smiled. “I’m used to Al—Andy always giving me a hard time.”

Both Eli and Suzy’s attention shifted to me. “I hope I don’t cause any trouble, but this is the first I’ve heard about you, David. How long have the two of you…been dating? If in fact… Are you dating?” Suzy asked hesitantly, but with obvious curiosity.

“Yes, we’re dating. I didn’t want to jinx it by telling you too early and then we kind of had a little bit of a tiff earlier today. I was too mad to bring him here but he followed me anyways,” Alexa responded smoothly. “It looks like we both kind of left out some pertinent information about our current love lives,” Alexa added. She glanced at Eli and then back to Suzy.

“Well yes.” Suzy blushed. “I can understand where you’re coming from. I guess we both have a lot to catch each other up on.”

I was completely surprised how easily Suzy bought what Alexa was selling. I’d meant to tell them that we’d just started dating. If Suzy had really been paying attention to what was said when I’d first come to her house, she’d have noticed the gaping holes in congruency with everything Alexa was telling her. The fact that she didn’t…well…now her not knowing what Alexa did for a living seemed a lot more believable.

“Well that wasn’t so bad.” I reached over and tried to take Alexa’s hand, but she shirked away from me.

“We’re not pretending to be a couple anymore. You don’t have to hold my hand,” she muttered while staring out the window as the scenery flew by.

I nodded and kept my mouth shut. I wasn’t about to tell her that I’d enjoyed pretending to be her man, and that I wanted to hold her hand. Instead I asked her an inane question. “Your aunt didn’t seem to think it was odd that I called you Alexa even though you told her I went to school with you… why?”

“I told her that I started going by Alexa in L.A. because I wanted to start over fresh. She can’t break herself of calling me Andy though. And I wouldn’t want her to, she’s always called me Andy. Plus you only called me Alexa when you first got there, then you switched to Andy. She was so focused on Eli that it worked well with that distraction. Normally she’s much more observant.”

I nodded again but didn’t know what else to say. Alexa seemed to have fallen into a kind of morose mood. What I actually wanted to do was to talk about our kiss and what it meant…if anything. Things were very odd between us at the moment.

“Are you happy, David?” Alexa’s voice cut through the silence sharply, before she turned her watery blue gaze on me.

“Yeah, sure I’m happy.” Where was she going with this?

“No, I mean are you really and truly happy? Aren’t there still things in life that you want?”

I was looking at one. I wanted her. “Ummm…sure. There are still things I aspire to do and things I want to acquire. I want to get married one day and have kids. And there’s still a lot I want to accomplish with my career.”

Alexa’s lower lip trembled. I fought the urge to take her in my arms. “Kids. And a husband. I used to want those things.” She turned her face back towards the window.

“And you don’t want them anymore?”

“It’s just—“ Her voice cracked. “That kind of life isn’t in the cards for me.”

“Says who?” She lifted her hand and let it fall loudly onto the leather seat. “Everyone.”

I was suddenly angry. Without thinking I grabbed her by the shoulder and swiveled her around so I could look into her eyes. “I’m someone, and I say you can have those things. You just have to want them enough to go after them.”

A single tear escaped the confines of her left eye and trickled down her cheek. I wiped it away with my index finger and Alexa sighed softly. “If only that were true.”

I’ll give you those things! I screamed in my mind. I’ll love you, take care of you…give you anything you want! Holy fuck…do I love her? “It is true,” was the only thing I said out loud. My heart was about to beat out of my chest. Was it actually possible that I was in love with Alexa? When did that happen? I knew I was developing deeper feelings for her…but love? How could I have let myself fall so fast? If I was in fact…fuck...no…I couldn’t be.

“I’m a porn star, David.”

“So give it up. Do something else. You’re making it way more complicated than it needs to be.”

Alexa’s eyes narrowed and more liquid spilled from them. “I need that as part of my life too. I mean, I love it. I love being a porn star, but I can’t be one and have the rest. I made my choice years ago.”

“You can’t be a porn star forever. You—“

“I know that!” Alexa yelled, ire replacing her sadness. “Do you think I don’t know that? But right now I need it. I need it.” She dropped her face into her hands.

I leaned forward and pried them away, tipping her chin up so I could meet her gaze once again. Her eyes were tumultuous, swirling with dark emotions. All I could think was that I wanted nothing more than to make her happy. She deserved to be happy, to have everything she’d been denying herself simply because she thought she wasn’t good enough on some level. “You’re worthy of love, Alexa, or Andy. Whatever name you want to go by…you’re still you… And I happen to think you’re pretty amazing.”

“You don’t even know me, not really.”

“I know enough.” The words were barely out of my mouth when Alexa launched herself at me, tackling me. My head bounced off the cool leather seat as she pressed her lips hungrily to mine.

Chapter Twenty-Three

~Alexa

Since the moment he’d stepped into my life, David Jonez had been making me question everything. I no longer knew which way was up, and which way was down. It was amazing how quickly I’d formed an attachment to him. Or maybe it wasn’t. My life, besides my career, was empty. Sure, I had my Aunt Suzy, and my friends, but it’d been so long since I had even the beginning of a real connection with anyone. Maybe I shouldn’t fuck David to try and get him out of my system… Maybe I should fuck him to try and keep him. What if I kept him? Could I? Was it really possible?

When he’d said exactly what I’d wanted to hear, that I was worthy of love, and that I was amazing… I wondered if he would feel that way if he knew all of me, all of my dirty little secrets? Maybe I shouldn’t bother with trying to keep him after all. But he made my decision when he’d muttered the three little words: I know enough. Something clicked and I knew one hundred percent I had to try and keep him. Maybe he’d shown up in my life for a reason. I wasn’t going to wait to find out. I was done questioning it. David may not be the type of guy I normally went for, but fuck it, I wanted him, and I was going to get him.

I threw myself at him, knocking him down onto the back seat of the Lincoln, and quickly slanted my lips over his. I sucked on his tongue and he bit my lower lip. His hands slid down to cup my ass and his strong fingers dug into the giving flesh there. I felt crazed, desperate, and I needed to have him inside me more than I needed air to breathe. I attempted to undo his pants without breaking our kiss but it proved more difficult than I would have thought.

“These need to come off. Now.” I grunted in frustration against David’s lips.

My lust filled comment seemed to bring him back to himself, at least partially. His hands were still roaming my body freely, kneading and fondling. “We can’t have sex here.”

“Why not?” I rocked my hips into his hand, grinding my pelvis against his palm, and wished I’d worn a skirt. If I’d worn one he’d probably already be inside me.

“Because people can see us…our driver for one.”

“I know.” Success! I’d managed to undo his pants and I wrapped one hand around his pulsing shaft.

“We can’t here. Alexa, we’re almost to the hotel.” His words were telling me one thing but his body was saying something completely different.

As I stroked him I leaned forward and whispered in his ear. “I like when people watch. I want everyone to see your big beautiful cock and what it does to me. I want everyone to see—the entire world.”

“Fuck,” David grated before pushing me off him. I thought that was going to be the end of our little car interlude, but instead he surprised me by flipping me over and pulling down my pants. He pushed me so that he could enter me from behind and I had to brace myself by placing my hands on the window. As he slid into to me for the first time, a feeling of completion and oneness settled over me. As ridiculous as it sounds… Of all the men I’ve fucked, his cock felt better than the rest. Everything about being with David was better than all the rest.

“Fuck me harder, David, harder,” I demanded as I writhed against him. His flesh slapped against mine in an almost painful way, but I loved every second of it. My hands slid down the window and I pressed my face against the door. My thighs were quivering and my muscles were winding tighter and tighter. And then my world fell apart and came together all in the same moment. “Yes, David, yeeees!” I cried out.

No sooner had I come then David released inside of me. I wasn’t used to not having a guy spew his spunk all over me, but it was a welcome change, especially with someone I actually had feelings for.

When my clenching muscles had wrung David completely dry, he leaned over me and wrapped an arm around my waist. He kissed the back of my neck and then pulled out of me. “Fuck. I can’t believe I just did that,” he said gruffly, his voice still flavored from sex.

“Neither can those teenage boys.” I pointed at a group of guys snapping pictures with their cell phones on the street corner. I hadn’t noticed that we were stopped at a red light. I giggled. “Those will be everywhere soon. Can you say viral?”

“Shit,” David muttered as the two of us righted our clothing. “I—I don’t know what to say.”

“Don’t say anything, you might ruin the moment.” I was being completely serious. Something special has just happened between David and I, and I really didn’t want my afterglow to fade too quickly by way of a reality check. I snuggled under his arm and smiled up at him. “That was absolutely amazing.”

David ran a hand through his dark hair and met my gaze. His blue eyes, despite the turmoil in them, seemed electrified with energy. No matter how much he protested, I knew deep down he’d enjoyed what had happened just as much as I did. The fact that I so easily was able to get him riled up to give into me… Well that boded very well for my plan to keep him, because apparently David was easily persuaded by sex. Lucky for me, sex just happened to be my specialty.

Chapter Twenty-Four

~David

Sticking with my latest trend of going all ‘girly’ around Alexa, I couldn’t seem to help the words that flew out of my mouth. “What’s going on between us? I mean with us?” I yanked off my glasses and pinched the bridge of my nose. “What do you want from me, Alexa?”

She slid my glasses out from my grasp and straddled me. “Look at me, David.” I opened my eyes and gazed up at her angelic form. She was utter perfection, and yeah, I was pretty sure I loved her, which meant I was in for a world of trouble. “I want to give us a shot. I want to date you.”

My mouth fell open and no sound escaped my lungs, except for a whoosh of air. Alexa peered down at me with a smile on her face. “Don’t you have like a million questions or something? Or did I just fuck you stupid?”

I fought the sudden urge to respond to her with a snarky comment of my own but rerouted our chat back to the true matter at hand. “And how exactly would that work?” Why am I questioning this? I need to just go with it. Enjoy her while you can, before she crushes you under her stiletto boots.

She bit her lip and studied my face for a moment before speaking. “I’d imagine like it does for most people.”

Frustration bubbled up in me. Sure, I was flattered that she wanted to date me, but I was also a realist. Loving her didn’t change that about me. When I imagined us being together in my wildest fantasies, nowhere had I pictured her being a porn star. In my imaginings, she would give up porn for me. I knew that would never happen in real life though, and I wasn’t comfortable thinking about her fucking other guys while she was with me. “What about the whole porn thing?”

“What about it?”

“I wouldn’t exactly be a fan of you being with other guys if we were together.”

Alexa slid off me and slumped into the seat beside me, crossing her arms. “Hey you know, our driver has been awfully quiet up there. What do you think is going through his mind right now? Do you think he’s turned on? Or maybe he’s skeeved out? Sometimes it’s hard to tell how someone will react to public displays of sex or PDS as I like to call them.”

I glanced up at our driver and then back to her. I idly mused about how I was glad it wasn’t our regular driver Dennis, but then I snapped my thoughts back to what we had been talking about before Alexa’s attempted subject change. “He’s probably wondering how exactly us dating would work too.” I quirked an eyebrow at her in challenge. “And can I please have my glasses back?”

She handed them to me. “Have you ever thought about contacts?” Alexa leaned into me and ran her hands through my hair. My dick sat up to attention at such a small touch from her even though we’d just had sex. “They irritate my eyes. And stop trying to change the subject.”

Alexa flopped back in her seat and huffed. “I’m not giving up porn for you. Normally a guy goes a few dates before asking that one.”

“Never?”

She began twirling a piece of her long blonde hair around her index finger as she pretended to consider my question. “Never say never, or so I’ve heard. But I don’t plan on giving up porn before I’m ready.”

“And when will that be?”

“When I’m too old to do it anymore,” she snapped.

I exhaled slowly. “I really don’t see how the two of us would work then.” I hated saying those words out loud but if my feelings for her were already so complicated, I hated to think what would happen, months or years from now. She’d shatter my heart into billions of pieces.

“I see,” she said nonplussed.

“Alexa, please. It’s not that I don’t want to be with you. I’ve told you before that I don’t do casual sex, therefore I would never have done what we just did if I didn’t want you. But that’s part of the problem, I want all of you…for myself.”

“This is who I am! I’m a porn star! If you want to be with all of me then you get that part of me too!”

I cupped her face within my hands and stared down at her, beseeching her to understand. “You aren’t your job. You are so much more than just a porn star—so much more. You’re unhappy because deep down you know that. You’re life isn’t complete.” I circled my thumbs over her cheeks, trying to catch the stray tears rolling down them. “Maybe it’s time for you to do something else. Let me help you figure out what will make you truly happy. Let me be there with you.”

Alexa reached up and flung my hands from her. “You sound just like Devlin. I thought he accepted me for me too once, and now look at him. Is that going to be you in a few years? Are you going to abuse me and call me a whore?”

“I would never call you that. I would never—“

“Never say never, David. Never say never. You know what, you’re right. We couldn’t work as a couple. We just don’t fit. I don’t know what I was thinking. I’m just in a vulnerable place right now is all.”

“Alexa—“

“I don’t want to talk about it anymore,” she snapped.

“No, we need to talk about this. I don’t think—“

“That’s it. I’m out of here.” She flung the car door open and before I could stop her she hopped out when we slowed at another red light. I scurried out of the car after her, but she’d already disappeared around the corner of a building as if into thin air. I looked for her for a few more minutes and finally convinced myself that she must have gotten in a cab or something. She was probably already on her way back to the hotel. I jumped back into our car and ordered our driver to continue on without her. Now I actually was wondering what he must be thinking about all of this. He was probably thinking that I’d just fucked up big time…because I had.

Chapter Twenty-Five

~Alexa

I wasn’t giving up on David quite yet. I’d made my decision that I wanted him, and changing my mind about something when I’d made it up one hundred percent was usually difficult. I just needed some time to cool off. Maybe I should take the opportunity to call and meet up with Tara to catch up on things. I pulled my phone from my purse and called her cell. No answer, great. Where the hell had she disappeared to? I wasn’t ready to go back to the hotel because I knew David would be there waiting for me. I decided to just walk for a bit. Maybe I’d check out some of the shops in Station Square. It’d been years since I’d been there and I was sure there’d be some shopping options to help distract me from my twisted thoughts and emotions.

I wrapped my coat more tightly around me; it was warmer than the other night, but colder than I was used to. Just as I was nearing my destination, my eyes slid over a couple holding hands and laughing, nothing unusual—until my mind registered who they were. I stopped dead in my tracks, completely shocked. Devlin Saint was holding hands with none other than my supposed friend Tara—the same friend who had apparently just screened my call. What the fuck was going on? I warred with myself whether or not I should confront them. Ultimately, I chickened out and turned away, ducking into the closest store. I watched as they walked past me, oblivious to my presence. I just couldn’t make sense of what was going on. Tara had left me alone with Devlin the other night at Erotic Exotica, they hadn’t even acknowledged each other. If they were together—Holy fuck! That’s why she was being so shifty. She wasn’t on drugs. They obviously had some kind of open relationship like Devlin and I used to have, but—but why was he so hostile towards me if he was happy with Tara? I really couldn’t begin to wrap my mind around it, at least not in my current emotional state. Had Tara been laughing behind my back this whole time? Was she really even my friend?

I wanted to call David to come get me, but he wouldn’t really be able to understand. Plus I still needed some space from him. That only left my Aunt Suzy, who I was guessing was spending time with Eli. Not to mention I couldn’t tell her everything without well…telling her everything. Tears tracked down my numb face. I really hated crying and I was doing it far too much lately. I swiped at the offending liquid and pulled my phone out of my purse. I had no choice but to call Aunt Suzy. I had no one else. That thought made me cry harder.

I lay sprawled out across my black comforter, Aunt Suzy rubbing my back while I cried. It was like I was back in high school. “Tell me what’s wrong, Andy. You know you can tell me anything.”

“I’m sorry I ruined your date with Eli.” I sobbed into my pillow.

“Don’t worry about it, he understood and it’s not important right now. What is important, is figuring out what’s going on with you. Did you have another fight with David?”

“Yes, no…Yes, but it’s more than that.” How could I tell her everything without letting her know what I really did for a living? It was a mistake calling her and yet I really didn’t have anywhere else to go.

Aunt Suzy sighed. “Is it—is it about your—career?”

I sucked in a breath and rolled over to look at her. It was just the way she said it. “You know?” I stared at her with disbelief. “For how long?”

Aunt Suzy smiled sweetly at me. Not in a patronizing way though. “I’ve always known.”

I sat up and blinked rapidly at her. “What? Then why didn’t you tell me?” I guess David had been right about her after all. It figured.

“Because you didn’t seem to want me to know. It was just easier. At least it was when you seemed happy. I knew I’d have to tell you that I knew eventually. Now seems like that time, all things considered.”

I threw myself at her and wrapped my arms around her tightly. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

She patted my back. “Andy, you know I love you like a little sister. I always have. I was never a good fit for a parent or a role model, but it was me or nothing. I wish I could have done better by you.”

“No,” I muttered into her hair. “Who knows where I’d be without you.”

“Maybe not a porn star who’s clearly miserable.”

I let her go and sat back, cradling my legs to my chest. I rested my chin on my knees as I regarded her sternly. “It’s not your fault. I really do love what I do. I’ve always loved sex a bit more than the average person, I suspect. It’s just that lately… I don’t know, I feel like my life is missing something. And ever since David walked into my life he’s turned everything upside down.”

Aunt Suzy smiled knowingly at me. “You really like him, don’t you?”

“Yeah.” I breathed, letting myself think about his shockingly blue eyes and how it’d felt when he was inside me. I shivered. “He drives me a bit crazy though. But I want him! Oh God, how I want him! And more than for just sex.” I sighed. “There’s just something about him. He makes me think and feel things that I’m just not used to. I don’t know what to do. He won’t be with me unless I give up porn.”  I bit my lower lip. As accepting as Aunt Suzy was, of course she was probably going to take David’s side about my career options.

“You know, Andy, I like David for you… a lot. He’s making you question things; he’s turned your world completely upside down in such a short period of time. That’s how it should be… And I see the way he looks at you.”

“But how can I give up porn for him? And what if I do and things don’t work out between us? ”

“That’s something you’re going to figure out for yourself. Can you change for David, and if so, how? These are things that only you can answer.”

I scowled. “I thought it was bad to change for someone.”

Aunt Suzy smiled. “Is it bad for an alcoholic to stop drinking for someone they love? It’s not bad to stop doing harmful things, no matter the motivation. It’s up to you to decide whether your career choice is good or bad for you. Is it truly making you happy or is it harmful to your psyche? Changing so you can maybe get something that will make you happy… that’s never a bad thing. Stop making decisions based on what society tells you. Everything isn’t black or white. It never has been and never will be.”

She was right, as usual. Society said that you should never change for anyone. But of course that same society labeled me an undesirable. I needed to make up my mind for myself, follow my own path. “I guess I have a lot to think about. Can I stay here for awhile?”

“Stay as long as you want. You know you’re always welcome here, Andy.” Aunt Suzy leaned down and kissed me on the forehead. She then left, closing the door behind her.

I flopped back on the bed and stared at the ceiling. It felt good to have no more lies between Aunt Suzy and me, but with everything else… I was still just as confused. Devlin was my first love, and I thought Tara was one of my best friends. I didn’t want Devlin anymore, at least not after what happened the other night. But it hurt just the same to know they were together…worse because Tara had been deceiving me. And what did Devlin want with Tara anyways? Were they serious? How long had—whatever they were—been going on? I had so many questions and no way of getting any answers at the moment. I still didn’t know what to do about David either. Maybe if I stared at the ceiling long enough, the answers would come to me. I let my mind wander…

What was it about exhibitionism that I found so appealing? Because that’s the part of porn that I couldn’t fathom giving up. I’d felt the same sensation of being alive when David had fucked me so publicly in the car earlier. Why did I need that kind of attention? It was if some part of me thought that if people weren’t watching, I’d just disappear. How nice it must be to not need that—to not need to be some kind of celebrity—to feel validated intrinsically instead of extrinsically. How freeing it must be to not worry about what anybody thought. Sometimes I felt a soul deep hatred for people—for society. And yet I needed them to feed my addiction. I needed them to exist. That just made me hate myself a little bit. I wished I could live in complete anonymity—but that would kill me on another level. Sometimes it was about tolerating the lesser evil. Why couldn’t love from one person be enough? Why did I have to feel like everyone loved me? I didn’t even like most of the people who did. I was a hypocrite and a liar. I didn’t do what I did because I loved it and it empowered me. Maybe it had started out that way, but now… I did it because I was too afraid not to. Would I still want the same things if I were no longer afraid? Maybe it was time I found out.

Chapter Twenty-Six

~David

Things were moving too fast between Alexa and me. I’d barely known her a week and I was already thinking that I loved her…ridiculous. Okay, so I’d technically known her since high school, but that didn’t count. I’d only known the image of her, not the her that she was underneath. I rubbed my temples. I was starting to give myself a headache. I didn’t believe in love at first sight, lust definitely, but not love. But—fuck. “Doth protest too much,” I muttered out loud to myself. I loved her. I could try to rationalize it all I wanted—in the end there was really no point in denying my feelings for Alexa. I fucking loved her. Some things just couldn’t be explained or reasoned out. Apparently, my need for her was one of them.

I glanced at the digital alarm clock on the nightstand and continued to pace. Alexa still wasn’t back at the hotel. At least she hadn’t been five minutes ago when I’d called her room, repeatedly. Josh and Mac were still M.I.A. too. I wasn’t worried about them though, they could take care of themselves. I wasn’t saying Alexa couldn’t—but okay—maybe I was. I wouldn’t be able to rest until I knew where she was.

A knock on my door stopped me in my tracks—could it be? I dashed to the door and flung it open without a second thought. I was rewarded with the sight of Alexa standing in front of me, her big blue eyes glinting with mischief. I didn’t know what to make of her sudden appearance or the odd vibe she was putting off. Before I could say anything she strode right past me into my room. I scrubbed a hand over my face when I noticed what she was wearing—or not wearing. All she had on was a tiny little white dress that barely covered her sweet little ass, and a pair of mile high heels to match. I also noticed she was carrying a black leather bag. She went directly to my bed and looked over her shoulder at me.

“I’ve decided that I may be willing to make some kind of compromise about the ‘whole porn thing’.” She raised her hands up to air quote. “Iiiiif“—she drawled out—“I can fully test out the merchandise first. I mean, I wouldn’t want to make a life altering decision and then find out the cake wasn’t worth the bake.”

I swallowed hard with anticipation—of what I still wasn’t sure, but I felt certain I was going to enjoy it. “What are you saying?”

“I’m saying“—Alexa’s tiny dress fluttered to the floor to reveal her bare body—“that I want to fuck you every way imaginable before I sign on the dotted line.”

“But what about—“

“David,” Alexa said as she climbed onto the bed and let her legs fall open in invitation. “How about you just shut up and fuck me. We can talk later…much later.”

I may be the type of guy who over thinks things, who questions everything—but I’m still a guy. A guy who had his wet dream lying in his bed asking him to fuck her. A guy who was in love with that very same girl. I’d never undressed faster in my life.

When I got to the edge of the bed, I paused, first eyeing Alexa’s glistening pussy, and next the leather bag in front of me. “What’s in the bag?” I raised my eyebrows in question.

“Open it and find out,” she cooed playfully. As I unzipped it, an array of sex toys came into view. Everything from different sized dildos, to handcuffs—to things I didn’t even know what they were. My mouth went dry. “Pick something.”

I usually wasn’t the kinky sex kind of guy, but Alexa tempted me to do things I never thought I would. Public car sex came to mind. My eyes alighted on the pair of handcuffs and I pulled them free. “Just so you know, these are going on you, not me.”

Alexa’s eyes widened slightly before she lifted her hands over her head for me. “It looks like I’m your willing servant tonight.”

I walked around the bed and cuffed her hands together and slid her up on the mattress so her hands could reach the headboard. I smiled. I’d never been one to dominate, to buy into the stupid alpha male bullshit, but I was already finding that I liked having Alexa under my control. Maybe I’d just never desired anyone enough to want to dominate them. Maybe I’d never needed to own anyone before her. “Don’t move your hands,” I commanded. I was almost surprised at how deep my voice sounded. It was like I was becoming someone else completely because of her. “You thought you were going to fuck me every way imaginable, think again. I’m going to fuck you.”

Alexa’s nipples puckered in reaction to my words and she squirmed. “I think I like this side of you, David,” she purred.

I crawled between her legs and gripped her thighs, pushing them open wider. I was mesmerized by her slick folds. I’d imagined going down on her so many times while watching someone else do it on film. Now it was my turn. I took her clit between my teeth and pulled slightly. My lips curled up into an evil grin when she screamed. There was no room for gentle exploration with someone like Alexa. I knew what kind of sexual experience she was looking for and I was more than happy to give it to her. I worried her sensitive flesh between my teeth, with just enough force to cause her hips to buck. I then soothed her with the fast rhythm of my tongue flicking against the sensitive bundle of nerves. She came apart right there for me, screaming my name. Male satisfaction bloomed within me. I wanted more of her screams and more of her orgasms, and I would get them.

As she lay trembling beneath me, I let her go and slid back down the bed to take another gander into her bag of toys. This time I pulled out some lube and a large dildo. I was about to show her that she didn’t need more than just me for double penetration. She watched me with a rapt gaze as I approached her. I leaned down to kiss her thoroughly, sharing with her the taste of her juices. When I pulled away, her head lifted in an effort to follow me. Her pupils were dilated and her chest was heaving. I pinched her nipples once before flipping her over. I arranged her so that her ass was up in the air just like I wanted it. She wiggled it at me; obviously anxious for whatever I was going to do to her.

“Wait, wait, wait,” she mumbled against the comforter. “Open the curtains.”

For a millisecond my heart dropped to my stomach. Even though no one would actually be able to see us, she wanted the illusion that people could. She truly was an exhibitionist. But then again, if that’s all it took for her to be with me and only me, I’d play along. I strode over to the window and sharply pulled the curtains back for her. “There. Now everyone will be able to see what I’m about to do to you.”

She gasped and moaned, and I smiled.

Picking up the lube and dildo once more, I coated the hard plastic thoroughly before slipping it into her waiting pussy. I pushed it in and out several times before leaving it in to settle. I coated my dick and her ass in more lube. I shoved myself into her without hesitation; I knew she could take it. I shuddered in pleasure when I was sheathed completely inside her. Her muscles hugged me so perfectly I had to fight the urge to come right then. I leaned forward and whispered roughly, “Now I’m going to show everyone just how good it is to fuck you.”

“Mmmaaagghh!’ she moaned unintelligently into the bed.

I grabbed her hips and pounded into her. She felt so good that I was sure my eyes were rolled back into my head. But I gritted my teeth and held on, promising myself I wouldn’t come until she did again. I reached around and pinched her clit while using my palm to hold the dildo deeply inside her. I could feel her muscles tensing, getting ready. Just before she came she went utterly still, she wasn’t even breathing. And then she shrieked as she pulsed around me, causing me to spill into her. Both of our orgasms seemed to go on forever, and when we were both spent, I pushed her down to the bed and wrapped my arms around her. I was by no means done playing with her for the evening. But I definitely needed a little bit of time to regroup after that. Sex with Alexa James was life altering. I already felt like a changed man, and in that moment I knew that I’d never be able to give her up. When a man’s dick and heart both want the same woman, he has to hold on with everything he has. He really has no choice.

Chapter Twenty-Seven

~Alexa

I really hadn’t expected David to bring all that he had to the table, sexually speaking. And to think, there was a time when I hadn’t thought he was my type. Why? Because he wore glasses and had a penchant for shirts with stupid robots on them? If I had to give advice to any woman out there about picking a man, I’d say this: Don’t rule out the nerdy or geeky guys. They’re attentive, they’re quick studies, and if you find the right one… he can rock your world better than any beefed up gym guy. David Jonez was a friggin’ sex god. No joke. Or maybe we were just meant for each other. Now that was a thought. Waking up after a short nap in his arms, after he’d just given me his personal version of D.P., was absolute bliss. For the first time in my entire life I felt whole. I felt like I was meant to be with him. Who cared about all the rest? I’d worry about the tangled mess of my life later. All that mattered for now was being with David…and getting more of what he had wetted my lips for.

“Hey,” David said gruffly. “Sorry I fell asleep.”

I rolled towards him, noticing that he at some point had taken the handcuffs off of me. “Don’t worry about it, I fell asleep too.” I stared into his sleepy baby blues and melted inside. His expression was full of the kind of devotion I craved, and yet I knew he could also command me sexually. I ran my hand through his tousled dark locks. I wanted to wake up every day next to him and follow it up with him fucking me silly. “Let’s take a shower together,” I murmured against his neck.

Without a word David lifted me in his arms and carried me into the bathroom. He turned the shower on and scooted me in as he came to stand behind me. I felt so tiny next to him without heels on. I leaned back against his chest and sighed happily. But my relaxed state only lasted for a moment when I felt David’s hard length prod my back. “Let me wash you,” he whispered against the shell of my ear just before his tongue snaked out to circle it. I shivered and my skin exploded in goose bumps.

David’s rough hands explored my body while he cleaned me. By the time he was finished I was desperate for him again. “My turn.” His lips turned up into a sensual smile and I went to work. I took my time washing him, making sure I massaged the perfect orbs of his ass and removed all the remaining lube from his gorgeous cock. When I was absolutely sure he was as clean as he could get, my mouth watered in anticipation of getting him dirty again. As if reading my mind, David lifted me up and wrapped my legs around his waist, pushing into me in one solid stroke. I moaned and threw my head back, hitting the wall of the shower. He supported me with his hands under my ass as he ground his pelvis against me, both hitting my g-spot and clit at the same time. I fell over the edge again, faster than I would have thought. David pulled out of me before he came.

“What are you doing?” I asked with confusion.

“I have other plans for us in the bedroom. I just wanted to make you come again first.”

“Oh,” was all I could manage.

Hours later, after even I was too sore to temporarily go on, David and I lay in bed watching episodes of Doctor Who on his laptop, while munching on room service food.

“Doctor number nine is sexy. I’d totally do him,” I said around a mouthful of pasta.

“Don’t get too attached to him, he was only the Doctor for a season.”

“What? Oh, but I like him and his accent.” We were only a few episodes into the first season of what David called the Doctor Who reboot. He’d explained to me that the first Doctor was made way back in the fifties or something. I’d thought the show a bit campy at first, but after only two episodes I found myself thoroughly enjoying them.

“Shit. My battery’s low.” David paused the episode. “I have to plug this in and it won’t reach the bed.”

“Nooo!” I whined. “I need to know what happens.”

He grinned at me. “I knew you’d like Doctor Who if you gave it a chance.”

I raised my eyebrows. “Really?”

“Okay, so I had hoped.” He had been so cute when he’d been explaining everything Whovian to me. I could tell that it was something that even if I hadn’t enjoyed it I was going to have to pretend I did. Lucky for me, I was actually liking it so far.

“So tell me Mr. Jonez, you never explained to me the other night how exactly you managed to take care of Devlin.”

David parked himself back in bed next to me and frowned. “Yes, I did.”

I crossed my arms over my chest. “No, you only said that you could take care of yourself. That’s not much of an explanation.”

“There’s really not much to explain. I took a bunch of self-defense and other similar types of classes while in college. I’ve also studied mixed martial arts.”

“You did?” That would explain why he’d only gotten a split lip out of the little altercation with Devlin.

“Yeah, I was so small in high school, which was bad enough, but when I shot up like a weed, I was… awkward.”

I pushed my food aside and crawled over to straddle him. “There’s nothing small or awkward about you now.” As evidenced by the very large length of pulsing flesh under me.

“I thought you were sore.” David’s hands slid up to cup my breasts.

“I am. Or I was. But I thought you said you were utterly spent for the evening too.” I ground against him. “That doesn’t feel like you’re done. Unless you popped a Viagra when I wasn’t looking.”

“It’s you,” he grated when I ground against him again. “I’m like a friggin’ thirteen year old kid around you.”

“I guess I’ll take that as a compliment.” I raised myself up and positioned him so he was at my entrance. “I think I can manage another round, what do you say?” He answered by pulling me down on him. “I’ll take that as a yes,” I rasped against his lips just before I plunged my tongue into his mouth.

Chapter Twenty-Eight

~David

Alexa was sprawled across my chest, her long blonde hair a knotted mess that I was trying to detangle with my fingers. We were both relaxed…utterly so…but not quite ready for sleep yet. I supposed we were both afraid that if we went to sleep again, we would wake and our perfect dream-like state might shatter as well. So we lay in each other’s arms, playing the ‘getting to know’ you better game.

“Why has it been so long since you’ve visited Pittsburgh? It wasn’t because of him was it?” We both knew I meant Devlin, and yet after everything we’d just shared I hesitated to spoil our time together by saying his name out loud.

“No, it wasn’t because of Devlin.” Alexa didn’t have the same issue about mentioning his name, apparently. But that was one of the things that I loved about her—she was always brutally honest, and didn’t walk on eggshells for anyone. Except for maybe her Aunt Suzy, she was a special case entirely for Alexa. She ran her fingertips along my arm, tracing the outline of my tattoos. “I wanted to focus on my career, but beyond that—it was just too painful.”

“If not him…then what?”

“I had this friend, Joey, he was a bar back at Erotic Exotica when I danced there. He was dating one of the other dancers. But that’s not the point. He was one of those people who you instantly click with. He became one of my best friends and I loved him like a brother. Those were my party days, so Joey and I used to stay up on occasion doing lines all night, just talking about life.” She paused, lost in her thoughts. “We were always there for each other. When I had problems with Devlin, he was there for me, and I was one of the only ones who visited him in the psych ward when he was committed for attempted suicide. He was the only male close to me back then that I didn’t try to fuck.” She grew quiet and curled more tightly into me.

“So then what happened?”

“I’ve already told you that I cleaned up my act when I moved to L.A. Joey claimed he was going to get his shit together, come out to see me, maybe even move there.” She sniffled. “The last time I talked to him he was high on heroine. Heroine. Why would he even try that shit?” She resumed making slow circles on my arm. “Well, I never heard from him again and I don’t know if he’s alive or dead. But it just wasn’t him. It was pretty much the same with so many people here in Pittsburgh. So many of my friends were falling apart and I couldn’t do anything to help them. And it was like they kind of started hating me for getting out. I got out and they rotted here. I didn’t want to face them.”

“You can’t help those who don’t want to be helped.”

“Yeah, I know. I don’t want to talk about it anymore though. Let’s talk about what you plan to do about your little movie.”

Shit. I couldn’t believe I’d actually almost forgotten about my documentary. I wouldn’t be able to use Alexa as my star any more if she was really going to give up porn. Unless I’d misunderstood her? She’d never made any actual promises to me. “What have you decided about your career?” I sucked in a big breath and held it.

She turned away from me and fidgeted. “I don’t know.”

I exhaled, my heart pounding out of my chest. Had I allowed my hopes to get up for nothing? Now that I knew what I’d be missing, could I really end things with Alexa before they got started? Or maybe that’d been her plan all along… To get me hooked and then to tell me that she wasn’t making any career changes after all. “I’m such a fucking idiot,” I muttered as I pulled myself from bed.

“What are you talking about?”

“Just what I said—I’m such a fucking idiot. I can’t believe I actually believed that there was something real between us. That maybe we could be together“—I tugged at my hair—“that you’d give up porn for me.”

“Maybe I will. I just don’t know yet.”

I laughed darkly. “Please don’t lie to me, Alexa. Don’t string me along with false hope. And even if you mean well—if you think you’re telling me the truth—What happens in the mean time? You just going to continue on doing group scenes and fucking other people while you decide?” I started to pace. “How would you feel if I had sex with other women while we were supposed to be in a relationship?”

“I never said anything about a relationship! At least not yet! I just—I don’t know!” Alexa yelled, anguish and anger intermingled.

“Fuuuck!” I roared, toppling a desk chair over in frustration. “I can’t fucking do this! I just can’t! You need to leave, now!”

Alexa came to stand in front of me. She peered up at me with tears in her eyes, but despite that sight I almost couldn’t stand to look at her. “David—I,” She bit her lower lip and flicked her gaze away from me.

I grabbed her roughly by the sides of her face and forced her to meet my gaze. “Did you mean anything you said? Do you care about me even a little? Or was it all a lie to get you what you wanted?”

Her lower lip trembled. “I do care about you. I just don’t know if it’s enough to give everything up—to risk everything.”

“David! Hey, David!” Josh’s voice wafted through the hotel door accompanied by him pounding to get my attention.

“We’ll finish this discussion later,” I seethed. I quickly pulled on some pants and tossed one of my t-shirts for Alexa to wear. Josh may have seen her naked on film, but I had absolutely no desire to watch him ogling her right in front of me.

I swung the door open and Josh started waving his phone in my face. “Holy shit! Have you seen this? I can’t believe you fucked her…” His voice trailed off as his eyes landed on Alexa who had come to stand beside me.

I snatched Josh’s phone from him. “Have I seen what?” I pressed play to watch the Youtube video that was on the screen. It took me a second to process what I was seeing. Someone had uploaded a video of Alexa and I having sex in the car from yesterday. You could quite clearly see me pounding into her from behind and then there was a clear shot of my face when we were finished. I scanned the information below the video. Shit. Over a million views already and they knew who I was. I’d just made a sex tape with Alexa… a shitty one… but it was one all the same. Just then my phone started ringing and I handed Josh’s cell to Alexa before running across the room to grab it. “Hello?”

“David?” My mother’s voice wavered with anxiety. “Why? How could you do this to your family?”

I already knew that someone had told her about the video, but for some reason I couldn’t not try to act stupid on the subject. “Mom? What are you—“

“Don’t try and play stupid about this, David Tomas Jonez!” My mother cried into the phone so loudly I had to pull it away from my ear. “You had sex, on video, with a porn star! I hope you didn’t catch anything! Oh God—“ She started to sob. “My son is going to die of AIDS.”

I closed my eyes and tugged at my hair. I didn’t want to deal with my overly emotional, and obviously porn-star-hating mother, at the moment. “Mom, I’m not going to die of AIDS.”

“What were you thinking? And how could you let someone film that? I thought I’d raised you better!”

I turned my head to see Alexa watching me, an inscrutable expression on her face. “Mom, I have to go. I’ll call you later.” I didn’t wait for her response before I hung up. I then silenced my phone.

“I just made up my mind,” Alexa stated, no emotion in her eyes. “I’m not giving up porn, and we’re not going to be together.” She whirled around and headed for the door, her leather bag in tow.

“Alexa—wait!”

Josh grabbed my arm before I could leave the room. “Let her go. We have more important things to deal with.”

“I need to go after her. I need—“

“Let her cool off first. You can talk to her after we get everything else sorted out.”

I knew Josh was right. It always seemed like a good idea to let Alexa cool off about things before talking to her. “Okay,” I said, shutting the door behind me.

Chapter Twenty-Nine

~Alexa

I might have overreacted just a bit, but when I heard part of the conversation between David, and I was guessing his mom, I knew she’d never accept me. And that would be okay, I supposed, if David and I had this rock solid relationship to fight for, but that wasn’t the case at all. My chest ached with the knowledge that the beautiful time we’d spent together would be nothing but a distant memory soon—David would be a distant memory soon. I wasn’t really sure what I was going to do about the documentary, but I’d figure something out.

When I got back to my hotel room I checked my phone and found several text messages from Tara. Apparently she wanted me to call her—that bitch. I decided I was going to pretend like I didn’t know anything about her and Devlin, that way I could possibly glean information from her. I called her back and she answered on the first ring.

“Oh my God, Alexa! Have you seen the video of you and David, it went viral!”

I chuckled, trying to keep my emotions under check. “Yeah, I saw it. Is that why you called?” I know it’s not to tell me that you’re doing shady shit with Devlin behind my back.

“Yeah, that and to see what was going on with you and David. We haven’t really gotten a chance to catch up.”

I bit my tongue to keep from saying that the reason for that was probably because when I did call her she screened those calls since she was with Devlin. And why the hell had they been in Station Square anyways? I thought Tara knew what hotel I was staying at; it was like daring me to catch them. “I know, things have been a little crazy.”

“Do you have time to meet up now?” she asked with her normal cheer.

But now that I knew about her and Devlin the cheer seemed fake—she seemed fake. I wasn’t even sure I trusted her enough to meet with her. Talk about paranoid. What did I think was going to happen? “Yeah, sure. But how about you come here, to my hotel. I’m not really feeling like being social at the moment.”

“Oh yeah, sure. Just give me the deets.”

It took Tara only about thirty minutes before she arrived at my room. Everything about her now seemed different to me. Was she taking mental notes for Devlin? Did they talk about me and laugh? Or was I just being completely egocentric? I couldn’t seem to help myself though.

“So, are you going to spill about David or what?” Tara asked as she situated herself cross-legged on the end of my bed.

I just couldn’t shake the feeling that she’d been avoiding me until the video had popped up and then she was so focused on getting information about what was going on between me and David. “What, you couldn’t tell from the video?”

She giggled. I had to fight from rolling my eyes, because yes, her giggle sounded fake to me too. “You know what I mean.”

“Well, we had sex—a lot of sex and now I’m done with him.” My heart clenched. I’m so not done with him.

“So how was he? Details, girl—spill!” Tara bounced with excitement.

I narrowed my eyes at her. Was she planning on trying for more of my sloppy seconds? “He was good. Nothing special though. I did most of the work, as usual.” Liar, liar, panties on fire. David was the best sex I’d ever had, and that was saying a lot.

“Oh, well that’s disappointing. What was his dick like? Small, medium,  large—or super sized? One always prays for super sized.”

Since I’d known Tara, she’s always had some kind of obsession about the size of men’s equipment. For me it was how a man used what he had, not merely about size. For Tara though, she wouldn’t even give a guy with a smaller penis a chance. “It was adequate.” Adequate? Had I really just said that? It wasn’t like David was packing a ten incher, but he was definitely more endowed than most men, and he knew how to use what God had gifted him with. Boy, did he fucking ever.

“Now I’m getting depressed,” Tara mock sighed.

“Why do you even care?” I stopped short and attempted for a quick subject change. “What about you, Josh, and Mac? I think you need to spill those details.”

Tara’s phone beeped, signaling a text message. “Hold on.” She checked her phone. She then clicked out a response to whoever it was and stashed the hot pink rectangle back in her purse.

Before I could open my mouth again, a loud knock resounded through out the room, making me jump. Thinking, or maybe hoping a little, that it was David, I opened the door without checking the peephole first. Big mistake. Standing on the other side of the door was one of the last people I expected to see darkening my threshold… Devlin Saint. “What the fuck are you doing here?” I growled.

He sneered at me and pushed into my room. “Is that any way to talk to your new boss?” His brown eyes glinted with hostility.

“Whaaat?” I sputtered. Confusion quickly replacing my anger.

Tara, that traitorous bitch, stood and smiled at me. “That’s right. Devlin bought out Sinfully Yours Films. He now owns your contract.”

“In other words, I own you,” Devlin tacked on.

“You’re lying.” This couldn’t be happening.

“Why don’t you call Henry and find out.” Devlin sat down in the chair at the desk and steepled his fingers, like some eighties movie villain.

I grabbed my phone and immediately called Henry. As soon as he answered I cut right to the chase. “Is it true? Did you sell the company without telling anyone?”

Henry cleared his throat. “Now, Alexa, everything will be fine. The new owner—“ I didn’t wait for him to finish. His words knocked all the air from my lungs and I fell to my knees.

“Why?” I asked first Devlin, and then I swung my gaze to Tara. “And you, I thought we were friends.”

“We are friends! Don’t you see how romantic it is? Devlin is finally all in with your career. He asked me to help him with the surprise.” As she watched the horror play across my face she frowned at me. “I thought you would want this.”

A humorless laugh escaped my lungs. “And here I thought the two of you were fucking.” The way Tara shifted uneasily under my gaze, I knew. “Oh that’s just great. Not only were you helping my ex fuck me over, but you decided that you’d sleep with him on top of that.”

“You’re a porn star. You have sex with tons of guys. Are you really going to begrudge me because I did your ex? Are you going to hold it against me and him?”

“Yes! You know you shouldn’t have done it—any of it!” I stood and stalked over to Devlin. “Why? Why are you doing this?”

“Because I can.”

“Give me a real fucking reason, Devlin. You owe me that much.”

“I don’t owe you anything. But I’ll tell you anyhow. You see, there once was this little cunt who I loved. We grew up together, and we had something real powerful. But then she got it in her head that being a porn star was more important than me. I watched her for years, fucking other guys for money in her little movies. Winning awards for having the sweetest pussy, and best ass…” His voice trailed off and his large fists clenched. “I used to think she’d come back to me, but then I realized the only way to keep a whore like her, was to buy her.” He grinned maniacally at me. “I own you now, Andy baby.”

“Hey, that’s not what we talked about. I thought—“

“You thought wrong.” Devlin cut Tara off. “You’re just not very smart. Sorry.”

Tears began to well up in Tara’s eyes, and God help me, I started to feel sorry for her. It seemed as though she’d really thought she was helping me. And okay, she’d never been the brightest crayon in the box. But she’d still had sex with Devlin. Okay…so I guess I couldn’t hate her for that either. I’d have to deal with Tara later though. I narrowed my eyes at Devlin. “After the shit you pulled the other night…the two of us…we’re never going to be together again in any capacity.”

Devlin stood, and I was made very aware how much bigger than me he was. The hostility in him was rolling off of his body in palpable waves. I swallowed around the bile that rose up in my throat from my sudden fear.

“Who said you have a choice?” Panic riding me hard, I turned to run, but before I could get to the door Devlin had a firm grip in my hair and was dragging me towards the bed.

“Let her go, Devlin!” Tara screamed.

“Get the fuck out of here, Tara, you aren’t needed anymore.”

“Tara, please. Please don’t leave me alone with him.” He was clearly not stable; even she had to see that. But instead of responding to my plea, she gathered her things and bolted from the room.

So I tried to reason with the reasonless. It was pretty much the only option I had left. “Devlin, please. Don’t do this. Think about what you’re doing.”

His brown eyes were dark with rage and his long blond hair had fallen into his face. He pushed me down on the bed and whipped out some handcuffs. I realized right then that he’d come prepared for what he was doing. “I’m only taking what’s mine,” he rasped.

“I’m not yours. And this will be rape.” I tried again to reach him.

He laughed darkly. “Even if it is…who’s going to believe a whore?”

I started kicking and screaming, finally accepting that he had snapped. There would be no reasoning with him. When he stuffed a ball gag into my mouth I whimpered. With how free I’d always been with my body, rape was never something that I really feared. And to think Devlin would be the one to do it to me—I was trapped in some kind of nightmare.

“Don’t worry, Andy baby, I know you like it rough.”

Just then the door slammed open and there stood David, and a cowering Tara a few steps behind him. David had a baseball bat in his one hand, where he’d gotten it I didn’t know, but I didn’t care. I’d never been so happy to see anyone in my entire life.

Chapter Thirty

~David

What I saw before me made my blood boil with rage. Devlin Saint had Alexa, my Alexa, cuffed and gagged on her bed. Her eyes were wild with terror as he loomed over her.

“Get the fuck away from her.”

Devlin laughed. “And what are you going to do, Daaavy Jones?” He drew out my old hated nickname while donning a sneer.

“I’ll fucking kill you if I have to.” And I meant it. If going to jail was the price I had to pay to protect Alexa, I’d do it gladly.

“I called the cops,” Tara added with a shaky voice from behind me.

“Son of a bitch.” Devlin swore under his breath. “I can’t afford to get arrested because of you again.” He nonchalantly reached down and slapped Alexa across the face. She whimpered in pain.

That was the end of it, I completely lost my shit. I flew at Devlin, baseball bat clenched tightly in my hands, and I swung with all my might. A loud cracking sound rent the air and he went down hard, clutching his arm in pain. It was lucky I missed my original target, his head, or I might have been finding out what the view from inside a prison cell was like. “Stay the fuck down!” I brandished the bat as Devlin tried to stand. Surprisingly, he obeyed.

A moment later several Pittsburgh Police Officers entered the room, guns drawn. “Halt where you are!” One of them shouted at me.

“Officers, thank God you’re here!” Devlin exclaimed. “He attacked me with a bat!”

I dropped the bat and allowed them to cuff me. There was no point in fighting them. Alexa was safe and I’d get the rest sorted out at the station… I hoped. As I was led from the room I caught Alexa’s gaze as one of the cops bent to uncuff her. Angry tears spilled from her eyes. That I hadn’t expected. She was pissed and if I was Devlin Saint, I’d be very worried.

I’d called my lawyer Michael in L.A. He’d told me not to worry, that he was sending someone really good in the area who practiced criminal law. That had been a few hours ago. I was beginning to get antsy in the holding cell. Not that I was afraid, there were just a few other guys in there with me, all of them pretty much keeping to themselves. I was worried about Alexa. I wanted to be with her to comfort her after what happened—to hold her in my arms. I still wasn’t even sure what happened. I’d run into Tara fleeing Alexa’s room and she’d sobbed about Alexa being in trouble. I could barely make out what she was saying, except when I heard Devlin’s name I’d gone into action. I’d hurriedly fetched my bat, the one I brought with me when I traveled, since I couldn’t take any real weapons on a plane, and the rest was history.

I was still seething about what I’d seen when I’d first entered that room. I’d known Devlin was doing drugs the other night at the club, but now I was wondering if he was doing them for more than just recreational use. It would explain his erratic behavior…maybe. Although it could be that he was just a spoiled rich boy used to getting whatever he wanted and he wanted Alexa. Not that I could blame him.

“David Jonez.” A cop called through the bars. I stood and met his gaze expectantly. “Your lawyer is here. I’ll take you to her.” Her? I guess it was kind of sexist to assume my lawyer would be a male, but I just had.

I followed the cop to a small room at the end of the hall, where he shut the door and locked it behind me after I entered. Seated at a metal table was a young professional looking brunette. She was kind of pretty, but I could tell she went out of her way to try and downplay her looks. Her hair was pulled back in a severe bun and she wore no makeup.

When I sat she lifted her dark eyes to meet mine and a tight smile ghosted her lips. “I’m Carmella Talego.” She offered me her hand and I briefly shook it. “They’re processing you as we speak, but it looks like Mr. Saint is pressing charges.”

I grimaced. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“Afraid not. As I’m sure you’re aware, his father has some of the best lawyers on this side of the Allegheny on his payroll.” A big smile suddenly cracked her serious demeanor. “Lucky for you I’m better. Devlin Saint is not going to get away with this. I won’t lie to you, Mr. Jonez—“

“David, please,” I interjected.

She nodded her head. “Okay, David, I won’t lie to you, it’s not going to be easy, but I have every confidence that we’re going to come out on top.”

“You don’t even know all the details yet. I need—“

“I know enough about Devlin Saint. And I already know that he was arrested just the other night in an altercation with a Miss Alexandra James at a strip club. As I understand it she was found cuffed and gagged at the latest scene.”

“Yes.” I nodded.

“The biggest problem is establishing witness credibility. That might prove to be difficult because of what Miss James does for a living.”

I clenched my fist and hit the table once in frustration. “What she does for a living doesn’t mean she deserves to be treated like trash. He was going to rape her. Doesn’t a woman always reserve the right to say no?”

Carmella stared at me for a moment before saying anything. “It’s true. No means no. Even a prostitute can be raped…rape is just that…rape.”

I narrowed my eyes at her. “Did you just imply that Alexa is a prostitute?”

She raised her eyebrows at me in question. “Don’t porn stars get paid to have sex?”

“Alexa isn’t like that. She—“

“Doesn’t get paid to have sex?”

Fuck. What Carmella was saying was true. Alexa did get paid to have sex, but it was so much more complicated than that. I gnawed on my lower lip while I tried to figure out how to explain it just right to her. “You obviously don’t know Alexa, and you don’t understand.”

“I think I do understand. You have some kind of relationship with Miss James?”

“Yeah.” I breathed.

“Please explain the extent of your involvement with her,” Carmella demanded, her face solemn again.

I ran my hand over the stumble on my face and swore under my breath. “I don’t really know the extent of my relationship with Alexa, but I can tell you that I’m in love with her.”

Carmella sighed. “That may complicate things a bit.”

I smirked at her. “Love always does.”

Chapter Thirty-One

~Alexa

I just couldn’t seem to process everything emotionally that had gone down in the past forty-eight hours. I’d decided I wanted to keep David for mine; we’d had a marathon sex session, which resulted instead of us being a couple but in me declaring that it’d never work between us. Then I’d discovered that not only was Tara sleeping with Devlin, but she’d helped him completely fuck me over by buying the studio that owned my contract. Oh and let’s not forget about Devlin flipping his wig and almost raping me. If David hadn’t shown up when he did… I shuddered. And I used to think I loved Devlin. David had been right about that too…what did I really know about love? Except now maybe I knew a little something. I knew I loved David. At least I think I did. I obviously was way out of my element—but I was pretty sure the things I was feeling for him were love. And now he was in a fucked up situation of his own—because of me.

Devlin was pressing assault charges against David because of him protecting me with the baseball bat. The media had turned the shit storm into some kind of twisted love triangle. Pictures of Devlin and I from high school were plastered on the front of gossip magazines, next to grainy stills of David and I having sex in the car, all of our naughty bits covered with black boxes. I was being painted as the gold digging, duplicitous, porn star who had sunk her claws into not just one but two rich, successful men. David and Devlin were merely the victims, they couldn’t help it, after all they were just men. I had no idea what I was going to do about my career—hell my life. Would David still want me after all of the crap I’d brought down on him?

I crumpled up the gossip mag in my hand and threw it across the room. I didn’t even know why I’d bought it. I supposed the curiosity was just too much. I was trying to stay away from social media, which I’d been doing pretty successfully, so a small slip up was past due.

I hadn’t seen or talked to David since he’d been arrested. I received a cryptic message from him a few days ago that as soon as things were sorted out with Devlin, he’d be in touch. He’d claimed that it was under advisement of his lawyer. It could be true, or maybe it was the simplest way to give me the brush off. When I’d gone down to the police station to make my statement, the cops on duty had been less than friendly to me. Maybe because I seemed like some kind of troublemaker? After all, it’d only been a few days since I’d visited the same precinct to make my statement about the strip club incident with Devlin. I’d tried to get information on where David was being held, but the cops wouldn’t cooperate and told me nothing.

“I should just go back to L.A.” I muttered to myself. But I couldn’t will myself to leave Pittsburgh while David was still there. Instead, I’d changed hotel rooms, went under an alias, and was paying the hotel staff some pretty large sums to not only keep my presence a secret but to cater to my every need. I hadn’t left the security of my room in days, not since I’d gone down to the gift shop and saw my face plastered on the front of almost every magazine.

I flipped open my laptop and tried to find information about the actual legal stuff, like the trial and such, and not gossip. After about ten minutes I was finally able to find out that the hearing was set for tomorrow. I sucked in a deep breath. My nerves were on edge and I wished I could be there for David, instead of hiding out in my hotel. Unless… I picked up the hotel phone and hit the button to connect me with the concierge. “Yes, Jonathan, I’m going to need for you to get me a few things.”

I crept into the courthouse, skirting past the media flurry, and took a seat in the very back corner in the only chair left. I could see the back of David’s head, and his tense shoulders. He was sitting next to a female lawyer. To the right was Devlin with a team of lawyers beside him. His arm was in a sling and he was trying to play up the part of the victim. There was a buzz of excitement in the air as people waited for the proceedings to start. I was still having trouble wrapping my mind around why everyone seemed so interested in this case. I mean, it wasn’t like it was a murder trial. But David was famous in his own right apparently, something that I had no clue about before. His name was the real draw it seemed.

An older woman, probably in her fifties, nudged me and whispered in a conspiratory tone. “So do you think she’ll show up?”

I tried not to fidget with my wig. “Who?” But I was pretty sure what she was going to say.

“Alexa James.”

I shrugged non-committedly.

“I’d like to see what that gold-digging bitch has to say for herself. You know, it still amazes me that women like her have such power over men in this day an age. I guess men will never change.” She shook her head in disgust.

I bit the inside of my cheek so hard I drew blood. I plastered a fake smile on my face. “You know, it seems to me like Devlin Saint was in the wrong. Why is everyone assuming that Alexa James was with them both?”

The woman tsk-ed at me. “She’s a porn star.” As if that explained everything.

“Yes. And does that mean she doesn’t have feelings? Does that also mean that she couldn’t possibly be the victim? I’m not sure—“

“Order. Order in the court.” I swallowed my words and glanced over my shoulder as the courtroom doors were pulled shut. “Will all please rise for the honorable Judge Matterson.” A hush fell over the court and everyone stood.

A woman who reminded me a lot of Judge Judy from T.V. entered the room. She sat and hit the gavel against a raised piece of wood on her desk. “Court is now in session, please be seated.” Everyone sat in near unison.

I watched intently as things unfolded in front of me. Devlin’s team of lawyers were attempting to paint the picture of a successful business man, in love with a woman who happened to be a porn star. They asserted that Devlin had been with me in the hotel when a jealous David had shown up and attacked with no provocation. Why the hell was I being kept from testifying? Why the hell wasn’t anyone asking me what happened? I didn’t understand what was going on.

David’s lawyer, instead of defending him like I thought she would, offered a plea bargain of some sort—or said they’d accept it. I wasn’t familiar with a lot of the legal terminology but I did know that accepting a plea bargain meant that David was acknowledging guilt on some level. I couldn’t take it anymore. He wasn’t going to be punished for protecting me. No one had even mentioned or suggested that Devlin was going to rape me.

“No! Stop!” I cried out loudly to make sure everyone heard me. “David didn’t do anything wrong, he was protecting me!” I stood and pulled off my wig and hat. Shocked murmurs and exciting chatter erupted from everywhere around me. I met David’s eyes over the crowd, and he shook his head fervently at me, like he didn’t want me to say anything. His lawyer’s eyes narrowed at me  with disgust.

The Judge pounded her gavel. “Order in my court!” she commanded.

“Please let me testify…or something.” I felt slightly cowed as I realized that every pair of eyes in the entire room were focused on me.

Judge Matterson studied me coolly. “State your name.”

My voice trembled slightly. “Alexa James.”

“You are the woman in question in regards to this case?”

“Yes.”

“Come here,” she demanded. I began to sweat as I made my way to the front of the courtroom. I paused a few feet away from where the judge was. She waved me forward. “Approach the bench.” I did on wobbly legs. At least I was wearing flats instead of my normal sky-high heels. She eyed me up and down before speaking again. “Are you sure you want to do this?” She paused seeming to mull over what her next words would be. “You are only going to invite more slander and speculation in regards to your life.”

“I don’t care,” I whispered. “I can’t let Devlin get away with what he did. David was protecting me. It’s my turn to protect him.”

Something akin to respect flashed in her eyes. “Very well. Swear Miss James in, she’ll take the stand next.” More chatter erupted in the room and was quickly silenced by the gavel banging again.

Once I was sworn in and seated I tried not to look at David but I couldn’t seem to help myself. He looked so good in his suit and bowtie. I idly wondered if his clothing choice had been influenced by Doctor 11. That’s right, I’d been on a marathon Doctor Who kick in my hotel the last few days. But he was much hotter than any of the Doctors, at least to me. His azure gaze pulled me in with their deep emotions. I wished I could go to him, to crawl into his lap and press my face into his chest and forget about everything but him. Instead I had to sit in front of a roomful of judgmental eyes and plea his case.

Chapter Thirty-Two

~David

Alexa’s steel blue gaze shifted from mine to Devlin’s, and I watched as a change came over her. All nerves seemed to just evaporate from her system. I’d wanted to protect her from the media’s hurtful words, from Devlin’s accusations… It made me feel good to serve as her metaphorical Knight in Shining Armor. I guess maybe I had a little bit of that alpha male bullshit in me after all. The thing was, it didn’t seem like Alexa cared all that much about what people said. I studied her cool expression as the prosecution approached her.

“Miss James, would you like to tell the court in your own words what happened in the Sheraton Hotel the day of the incident, the date of October—“

“Yes.” Alexa interrupted with a shaky breath. She had gone right into victim mode. It looked like she was going to beat Devlin at his own game. I almost pitied the poor bastard…almost. “I’m sorry I interrupted you.” She averted her eyes demurely. “I just feel like if I don’t get this out then I won’t be able to.” A single tear tracked down her face and fell from her chin. Damn, she’s good.

Devlin’s head lawyer, Mr. Brown, immediately softened to her. It may not have been apparent to most, but I could read the slight change in him as he cleared his throat. “Go ahead then.” He motioned for her to speak.

“I just want to state on the record that Devlin Saint tried to keep me from coming here to testify today.” She rose a shaky hand to push her blonde hair out of her face. “He tried to intimidate me to keep quiet.” Alexa dropped her face into her hands for a moment before lifting it to the crowd. “But I couldn’t let him manipulate me any longer, I couldn’t let David suffer because I was afraid.” Her voice warbled with just the right amount of nerves.

Mr. Brown frowned slightly at her. “Those are pretty strong accusations Miss James, do you care to back them up with any kind of evidence.”

“Yes. Mr. Saint recently purchased the pornography studio that owns my contract. You can verify that. He threatened to take away my livelihood if I didn’t do as he said.” Alexa choked back a sob. “I know most people don’t understand what I do, but—but—he’s always done this to me, since we were kids. He tries to control me.”

“Objection,” Devlin grated from his seat. “She’s lying.”

“No,” she said. “It can all be verified.”

Devlin stood. “Okay yes, I bought the company she’s signed with but it’s not—“

The gavel sounded. “Order in this court. Mr. Saint, no more outbursts from you.” Devlin sat and ground his teeth together in annoyance. I was pretty sure he saw his destruction in Alexa’s eyes. “Please continue, Miss James,” Judge Matterson said softly.

Alexa pretended to gather herself and then obeyed. “David and I, well—“ She bit her lower lip and met my gaze, real uncertainty flashed in her eyes. “We—well—I have feelings for him. And that didn’t sit well with Devlin.” She studied her hands for a moment and then swept her gaze out over the crowd. “Look, I know what most of you must think of my career, but I don’t deserve to be treated that way—I don’t deserve to be raped.” Several gasps were heard from the crowd and Judge Matterson banged her gavel for order again. Alexa continued. “That night in my hotel, Devlin entered my room without permission, I wasn’t expecting him, I was expecting David, and he handcuffed and gagged me. He would have raped me if David hadn’t come to my rescue. And now you people are trying to punish him? Don’t punish him because of me! Because of who I am! If I was anyone else this wouldn’t be happening!” She dropped her face into her hands again and sobbed, her shoulders heaving from the exertion.

“I’m going to take a recess and I would like to see both the plaintiff and defendant’s council in my chambers…now.” Judge Matterson rose and swept out of the room.

I looked up at Carmella who smiled at me. “This is looking very good for you, David. Sit tight.”

Alexa was left where she was and she continued to cry, large tears tracking down her face. She glanced several times at me with uncertainty and I could almost read her thoughts. She was wondering how I felt about her feelings, and she was unsure of how I would react to her academy award deserving performance. Surprisingly, I found myself proud of her devious ways. I liked the way her mind worked; she was so much smarter than most people gave her credit for. Plus I liked feeling like I was the only one in on the secret—like it was us against the world. I smiled encouragingly at her and even though she was still playing the victim, her lips twitched up for a moment at me. She’d understood me loud and clear.

“All rise.” The bailiff commanded.

Judge Matterson re-entered the courtroom but didn’t sit. She banged the gavel to get everyone’s attention. “Case dismissed,” she declared. She leaned towards Alexa and I heard her say, “Unless you want to press charges against Mr. Saint.”

I could tell for a millisecond Alexa considered it, but she shook her head and bit her lip. “No, I don’t want to deal with him any more than I have to.”

“Understood.”

Everyone in the room was talking excitedly, the media was snapping photos but I just had one thing on my mind. Getting to Alexa. As she stepped down onto the floor I went to her, wrapping my arms around her. She sunk into me; her face pressed into my chest, and began to cry in earnest. “Let’s get out of here,” I murmured against her hair before kissing it.

She sniffled and then pulled away from me to look up into my face. “Okay,” she offered shyly.

I took her hand and led her from the courtroom.

Chapter Thirty-Three

~Alexa

Lights flashed in my face everywhere I looked and I could barely see where I was going. I completely relied on David to lead me through the media circus waiting for us once we left the courtroom. Only a select few had been permitted inside, but outside it seemed like everyone from Pittsburgh to L.A. was in attendance.

“How long have the two of you been seeing each other?”

“Alexa! Are you planning on giving up porn to be with David?”

“Are the two of you interested in doing porn together?”

“David! What do you have to say about the video of the two of you having sex?

“Alexa! Did Devlin Saint hit you?”

“David! Is it true your latest documentary was about the porno industry, if so, did you meet Alexa before or after you began that project?”

“Is it true that this love triangle has been going on since high school?”

There were so many questions being shouted at us that we both ignored them completely. I don’t know why media people always insist on that tactic. Does it actually work with anyone?

David’s lawyer pushed out in front of us, and announced loud enough for most to hear. “David and Alexa aren’t making any comments at this time.” She escorted us to a waiting car and leaned in when we were both inside. “I’ll call you later, David. You may want to think about setting up a press conference or schedule some talk shows or something. Talk to Michael.” She shut the door and hit the car, letting the driver know to push off.

“Where to?” The driver asked.

“The Sheraton in Station Square.” I flung myself at David. “Oh God, I was so scared you were going to go to jail for me.” I pounded against his chest. “Why? Why would you do that?”

He smoothed his large hands down my hair. “I wanted to protect you. I didn’t want you to have to deal with what the media was saying about you. And I didn’t want you to have to face Devlin again.”

I fisted his shirt in both annoyance and want. No one had ever done something so selfless for me before. Sure, men had always been willing to do what I wanted—for a price. David hadn’t expected anything in return; he was merely trying to help me. Even though what he’d actually done was totally asinine. I knew in that moment that I was head over heels in love with my geeky savior. Instead of telling him that I loved him, I drew back and punched him in the arm, of course. “It was stupid. Don’t ever do something so stupid again.” I snuggled into him more and heaved a huge sigh. He smelled good—spicy—warm—like home.

He kissed the top of my head and I melted even more inside. Men always wanted to fuck me, but they rarely showed me any kind of tenderness. “I can’t promise you that I won’t ever do anything stupid again.” He blew out a huge breath. “Do you forgive me?”

“As long as you forgive me,” I mumbled against his chest.

“Alexa,” David pulled me away from him so I could meet his shuttered gaze. “We have a lot to talk about. A lot of things to figure out.”

“Yeah, I know, but for now, please just hold me.” I pressed my face back into him and inhaled. “We’ll talk later, I promise.”

David and I were all over each other as soon as we hit the elevator in the hotel. When he picked me up and pressed me against the wall, pushing my dress above my thighs, my adrenaline pumped with excitement because of the chance we might get caught. The exhibitionist in me reveled in this new carefree side of David.

He groaned when he saw I wasn’t wearing any panties. “You’re going to be the death of me.” He slid down my body and held me in place. Instead of fucking me against the wall like I thought he was going to, he began to lick my pussy right there. I moaned and writhed against his mouth and talented tongue. Just then the elevator dinged and the doors slid open. David didn’t even pause what he was doing. I threaded my hands in his thick hair and met the eyes of a group of twenty something aged guys.

“Holy fuck, is that Alexa James and David Jonez?” One of them blurted out. Another one of them pulled out his phone and began to film. It looked like we were about to have a sequel.

All their eyes being on me while David was sucking on my clit, dropped me right off into the abyss and I screamed as my sudden orgasm ripped through my system. I was still undulating my hips against David’s face when the doors slid shut once more, leaving them all gaping. I was still quivering when he picked me up in his arms and carried me off the elevator and the rest of the way to our room. I felt light as air emotionally. I even giggled.

“Give me your key,” David demanded at my door, his voice breaking an octave lower than normal. Once inside he dropped me on the bed and flipped me over. I turned my face sideways so I could see what he was doing. He unzipped his pants and pulled me to the end of the bed so that my feet were on the ground. He angled himself just right behind me and slammed his engorged cock into me without any further ado. He smacked my ass once before he began moving inside me.

“Oh yes! David! Harder! Fuck me harder!” His pace quickened to an almost painful one, just the way I liked it, and before I knew it I was screaming his name once more as he wrung another orgasm from me. I wriggled underneath him, and pushed so he would stop. “Please, David, let me suck your cock. I want to so desperately.” He’d already made me come twice, and I was overcome with the irresistible desire to pleasure him only. I wanted to watch his face as I performed my best sexual act for him again.

He pulled out of me and stood. I turned around, letting my eyes roam over his lanky cut body, decorated with the most beautiful tattoos, and I dropped to my knees with my mouth watering. First I licked my juices from him, his groans music to my ears. When I was finished I went straight for the big guns, I took him fully into my mouth and deep throated him. I dug my nails into his ass and began to fuck his dick with my face. Swirling my tongue with each pass, and humming softly each time the end of him touched the back of my esophagus, it wasn’t very long before warm liquid was spurting down my throat.

David’s fingers slid into my hair and he met my eyes while I continued to suck him. “You can’t be real.” My lips curled up at the corners as I kept up my ministrations. He softened for a moment and then began to slowly come back to life. “What are you doing to me?” David groaned. I didn’t answer of course, my mouth was a bit busy at the moment, but if I could have, I would have told him that I was worshipping the man I loved.

Chapter Thirty-Four

~David

Alexa James. I was head over fucking heels in love with Alexa James. It didn’t matter to me how many men she’d been with or what kind of past she’d had—I just cared about our future. I wasn’t sure what was going to happen with Devlin Saint owning Sinfully Yours Films. I’d have to ask Michael to look over her contract to figure out the best options for her. It wasn’t like Devlin could force her into having sex for the studio. It might mean that Alexa would be forced out of the industry, at least until the contract expired. I didn’t think anyone would take a lawsuit against her for breach of contract with what had been revealed in court about Devlin.

I’d left Alexa contentedly sleeping in the hotel, while I went off to take care of some business. Some very risky business. The kind of business that could possibly result in my heart being ripped out from my chest.

“What do you think of this one?” The jeweler set a large diamond ring in front of me. I picked it up to examine it as he spoke. “Pink diamonds are very trendy. Your girlfriend will love it.”

I tried to picture Alexa with the large pink tinged diamond on her ring finger and I smiled. “I can bring it back to size it?”

“Yes, of course sir.”

“I’ll take it then.” I offered him my black AmEx card, and his eyes lit up with glee.

“I’ll get the papers and everything ready for you, sir.”

I nodded and leaned against the counter to wait. I was doing yet another thing out of character for me. I loved Alexa, and after what she’d done for me in court yesterday—I was pretty sure she loved me back. With all the other instability in both of our lives, I wasn’t going to wait to make her mine if I had one shot in a million. Things may have been moving lightning fast between us, but sometimes when you know, you just know. Alexa was the one woman meant for me, I could feel it down to my bones.

“Here you are, sir…” I zoned out as I signed all the paperwork to acquire the ridiculously big ring that I hoped Alexa would accept. I couldn’t even fathom what it would be like if she said no. Would she say no? Holy shit, was I making another huge mistake? I swallowed down my nerves and decided it was the right choice. I would propose to Alexa James.

I walked out of the store, whistling. I found myself hopefully optimistic about her answer. As I was about to cross the street to the car I’d come in, a black van screeched to a halt in front of me and the door slid open with a loud bang. Before I had the chance to react, two men in black masks jumped out and grabbed me. Once they had me inside with the door shut, they started wailing on me with their fists. I didn’t have a chance to use any of my self-defense moves; I barely had time to process what was going on.

When I lay in a bloody, trembling mess in the back of the van, one of the masked men leaned forward and whispered in my ear. “Devlin Saint sends his regards. He wanted to remind you and Alexa that you’re not in L.A. and this is his town.” I was then unceremoniously tossed from the van.

I heard a woman scream and I tried to push myself up off the pavement, but darkness was pushing around the edges of my vision. The pain I had felt from my beating had morphed into numbness. I was pretty sure I was going into shock. As I lay there, helpless on the ground, bleeding out, all my thoughts swirled around Alexa. I promised myself that if I lived, the first thing I’d do is ask her to marry me. My last thoughts before I lost consciousness were whether or not those bastards had Alexa’s ring.

Chapter Thirty-Five

~Alexa

I awoke to no David beside me in bed and someone pounding on the door. I hurriedly pulled on a hotel robe. I peered out the peephole before opening it. I’d learned my lesson about not doing that the hard way. I opened the door and frowned at Josh. He had a panicked expression on his face.

“David’s in the hospital,” he blurted out.

Dread forced my heart into my stomach. “What happened?”

“Some guys picked him up and beat the shit out of him. He’s in pretty bad shape.”

I fought to repress my tears; I had no time for them at the moment. I needed to get to David. He needed me. I dashed around the room and gathered my clothes. I got dressed right there, not caring if Josh was openly gawking. It was nothing he hadn’t seen before.  “Take me to him,” I demanded as I snagged my purse and room key off the table.

“Yeah, of course.” Josh and I speed walked to the elevator and I suddenly wished I hadn’t given up smoking years ago. Just the last couple of minutes seemed like an eternity. I started biting my nails on the ride down to the lobby. Not being able to take it anymore, I broke into a dead sprint once the doors opened and I didn’t stop until I was in the car and racing to David.

As soon as UPMC hospital was within eyesight I hopped out of the car and started running. I practically exploded into the front doors and sprinted to the closest nurse’s station. “David Jonez. You need to tell me where he is.” A sob tore free of my chest. “Please, tell me where he is.”

“Alexa.” A somewhat familiar voice said my name. I turned to see David’s female lawyer from court standing a few feet in front of me. She addressed the nurse. “It’s all right, I’ll take her to him.”

I rushed her and grabbed at her hands. “What happened? Why are you here?”

She turned and started walking, and I had no choice but to follow. “I’ll tell you what happened. Devlin Saint fucked with the wrong lawyer. David and I are going to take him for everything he’s got.”

I gasped. “Devlin has something to do with David being here?”

She stopped short and raised her dark eyebrows at me. “Oh yes. But he messed up worse than the last time. This time, he left a major trail to his front door.” She smiled. If you can call it that. In fact, her would be smile made me glad that she was on David’s side because she was kind of scary.

We fell into silence. My mind was reeling. I’d known that Devlin had fallen off his rocker, but I had no idea it’d gotten that bad. Who was I kidding? He’d bought Sinfully Yours Films, he’d abused me in Erotic Exotica, he’d tried to rape me, and then he tried to get David tossed in jail. Of course having David beat up when things didn’t go his way made complete sense when I looked at everything else he’d been up to recently. But why now? Why after all these years was he so obsessed with me? It had to be the drugs. I could figure out no other explanation. It didn’t make me feel sorry for him though, doing drugs was his choice. No one forced him to do them.

“Here we are.”

I could see into the slightly ajar hospital room and what I saw caused me to press my hand over my mouth to keep from screaming. David was covered in bandages, his face was black and blue, and his eyes were swollen shut. Several IVs were attached to him. I wanted to go to him and yet I was stuck in place.

“It’s not as bad as it looks.” I glanced at David’s lawyer, having almost forgotten she was there. “Go ahead. He’s not awake yet, but I have a feeling he’s going to want to see you when he comes to.” I was still frozen in place as her heels clicking on the floor signaled her departure.

I’m not sure how long I stood there, staring at the bloody and broken body of the man I loved, but eventually my feet carried me closer to him. I slumped into a chair near his bed and fought to not have a complete emotional breakdown. I’d been so selfish. I knew that now. Maybe Devlin wasn’t the person I’d thought he was, but I also hadn’t handled him very well. It was my fault that David was lying in that hospital bed. I’d done nothing but hurt people with my career choice, and for what? Because I had some pathological desire to be adored by every man I met? Because I was an exhibitionist who really, really enjoyed sex? Because I didn’t like to be told what to do? Because I enjoyed doing something that was taboo? There were so many reasons why I thought porn was the right choice for me, but there was one reason why it wasn’t, and that reason’s name was David Jonez. Our relationship had moved so fast, but that didn’t change the fact that I knew what I wanted…him. Love didn’t always make sense, and it didn’t always pick the most convenient times to reveal itself to you. I also knew that now too. The only problem was figuring out what to do next about it.

I wished beyond anything that David would just wake up. Supposedly his injuries weren’t as bad as they looked but I wanted to hear that he was fine from his own mouth. I wanted the reassurance of his shockingly blue eyes gazing into mine. I just wanted him to be okay. I choked back a sob. I had to be close to him, I had to be. So I very gingerly climbed into bed with him, sliding into the small space between his arm and chest. I lay my head gently on his chest and curled up against him. He didn’t smell right, instead of his normal spicy scent, the overpowering smell of antiseptic met my nose. I still felt a tad better being in his arms again, even though he wasn’t aware of it. For all I knew, he’d wake up and blame me for what happened to him and never want to see me again. I listened to David’s steady heart beat and grew drowsy. I was mentally exhausted so I let myself sleep.

Chapter Thirty-Six

~David

I hurt all over and it was difficult to open my eyes. When I finally managed to lift my heavy eyelids I was greeted by the sterile surroundings of a hospital room. It took me a few seconds to figure out what was going on and then the memory of what had happened flashed in my mind.

“Alexa,” I croaked, my throat was as dry as sandpaper. I swore I could smell her but she was nowhere to be found. Instead I locked gazes with my criminal lawyer, Carmella.

“She was here.” When I gave her a blank look she rolled her eyes. “Alexa. She was here. She’s going to be upset that she missed you waking up.” Carmella shifted uncomfortably in the chair near my bed. “The two of you have a very dramatic relationship.”

“Why are you here?”

She frowned. “Because I care about you and you’re injured.”

I laughed and it hurt. “Oh come on, we barely know each other and I wake up to find you keeping vigil at my bedside. How about telling me the truth.”

“Okay, fine. I do care but me waiting here wasn’t necessary to show you that. I could have sent flowers. I’m here because I wanted to talk to you as soon as you woke up.”

“About what?” I skated my gaze to the table next to me that held a pitcher of water. I tried to lift my arm but winced.

“Here let me get that for you.” Carmella jumped from her chair. She poured me a glass of water and held it up to my lips.

After a few sips I groaned and dropped my head back down to the pillow. “Thanks.” What does a guy have to do to get better pain meds around here?

Carmella cleared her throat. “We’re going to sue Devlin Saint.”

I coughed. “What? What for?”

She scowled at me and then glanced up at the bags attached to my IVs. “What do you mean, what for? He’s the reason you’re here.”

“Well yes, I’m well aware of that. But wait—how do you know that?” I’d been unconscious until a few minutes ago so I hadn’t been able to tell anyone what had happened to me, and yet Carmella was sitting there acting like she knew everything.

“There’s video of you being thrown from the van. Someone filmed it, and the same concerned citizen got the license plate number so we could run it. We found out that the van was purchased the same day of your attack, by none other than Devlin Saint. When police went to question him, they found a diamond ring on him that was purchased by you. Once the evidence started building up, his associates started singing like canaries.” A very pleased smile spread across her face. “So back to the part where we are going to take Devlin Saint for everything he’s got.”

“How long have I been out? And who called you in? Not that I don’t appreciate it but normally—“

“I have a friend who’s a Pittsburgh Police Officer. The guy who filmed you being thrown from the van called the police of course, and my friend called me since he knew I was your lawyer. The rest, as you say it, is history.”

“Okay, things are making more sense now. But what do you need from me?” And where is Alexa? I needed to see her badly. Even though I was having a normal conversation with Carmella, I couldn’t really focus on anything but Alexa.

“What I need from you is permission to go after Devlin Saint.”

I nodded and groaned, my entire face throbbing. “You have it.” I wasn’t sure I’d be so eager to go after him legally if it wasn’t for Alexa. Maybe in the end I’d end up owning Sinfully Yours Films and I could free her of her contract.

A truly disturbing smile spread across Carmella’s face. “I’ll be in touch. I have a lot of work to do. You just get better.” She turned to leave.

“Wait! Did Alexa say where she went or when she’d be back?”

Carmella rolled her eyes. “No, but don’t worry, she’ll be back.” With that she strode from the room.

With nothing else left to do and my entire body throbbing in pain, I closed my eyes and waited for Alexa.

Chapter Thirty-Seven

~Alexa

“Are you sure you want to do this?” My PR rep asked, her petite features scrunched up with uncertainty. She had already been on her way to Pittsburgh to see me before all the craziness had gone down. Her being present and being able to do what I needed—I took it as a sign.

“Yes. I’m not sure what David’s lawyer has planned but I want to put public pressure on Devlin. Plus I don’t want who I am and what I do to possibly effect the outcome of what happens. It’s time for people to hear what I have to say.”

“All right, well they’re waiting.”

I gulped, sudden nerves causing my stomach to churn. I didn’t let them stop me though. Instead I lifted my head high and walked out through the sliding glass hospital doors. A podium with a microphone was set up in front of a sea of media. Flashes went off, and two security guards flanked me. A hush fell over the crowd as I stepped up to speak. “Hi,” I said, my voice reverberated a bit before it was adjusted. “I’m guessing all of you here at least know who I am.” I cleared my throat. “I’m Alexa James, and yes I’m a porn star.” A few chuckles were heard and quickly silenced. “Although most of you know my name and what I do for a living, I can guarantee that none of you know who I am as a person.” Cameras flashed and whirled. “First and foremost, I am a feminist. Yes, I can see a few shocked expressions among you, but I can assure you that I am in fact what I claim to be… a feminist. You see, a feminist is simply someone, male or female, who believes that women deserve equal rights and opportunities. I believe that.”

I paused and tried to gather my thoughts, I knew what I wanted to say but I was having a bit of difficulty communicating what was in my head. “When I was a teenager, I was obsessed with sex.” More chuckles. “Yes, I know a lot of us were, at least if we’re being honest with ourselves. Of all the things I could do in this world, I was drawn to the porn industry. I saw nothing wrong with it. My body my choice. Isn’t that what feminism taught everyone? And yet, that’s not really the case, is it? People judge me and other women like me. The men in the industry don’t have quite as hard a time, but I can’t really speak for them, nor do I intend to today.”

I picked up the glass of water on the podium and took a sip. “Devlin Saint and I have known each other since we were children, and we have quite a tumultuous past. We ultimately broke things off when I made the decision to pursue porn and move to L.A. I haven’t heard so much as a peep from him in years…until I returned here to Pittsburgh for a visit. When I first saw him I was still holding onto my juvenile feelings of what I perceived as love. But then he showed me he wasn’t worthy.” A flash of his abuse in Erotic Exotica played across my mind briefly. “I was here with David Jonez and his crew, they were in the beginning stages of filming a documentary about the porn industry, and I was to be the star. David and I went to the same high school, but we weren’t friends back then. Well, to get to the point, David and I began to develop feelings for each other and Devlin didn’t like it.” My mind then pictured David’s broken body in the hospital bed and I choked back a sob. “David is here, now, in this hospital because after Devlin’s failed attempt to send him to jail for assault, he hired thugs to beat the crap out of him. And I’m the one being judged? Just because I’m a porn star doesn’t mean that myself and the people around me can be treated poorly.

“Devlin Saint tried to rape me. That was the reason David was in court to begin with. He protected me. Now some would say that because I’m a porn star and I have sex for money that means that I asked for it. Let me explain this to everyone. I always decide who I have any kind of relations with and just how far it will or will not go. Anyone who thinks that I’ve lost that right is an anti-feminist. My body, my choice, and Devlin Saint tried to take that away from me. This is the friggin’ twenty-first century people, it’s time that women actually got treated equally. Sure we get to vote, but the antiquated attitudes towards women haven’t changed much over the years.”

I clenched the podium, my nails digging into the pliant wood. “Bottom line, Devlin Saint needs to pay for what he’s done. This isn’t a love triangle or any other sensational romantic story. The real story is that I fell for the wrong man before I fell for the right one.” I had my audience’s rapt attention. “That’s right. I am declaring to all of you here today that I am in love with David Jonez. I had my PR rep call this press conference because I wanted you all to hear a slice of my side of the story. I don’t deserve to be judged and punished; the man I love doesn’t deserve to be punished because my life choices are less than conventional. I’m not the villain in this story. David is not the villain in this story. Devlin Saint is.”

Reporters started talking and some began calling out questions to me. I raised my hand to silence them. “I have one more thing to say. I’m also announcing to the world today…you all are hearing it first…” I swallowed and swept my gaze over the crowd one last time. “I’m giving up porn.” The crowd went crazy at my words. “And I also want you to know that I’m not giving it up because of the negative media attention or because—“ I raised my hands up to air quote. “—I’ve seen the light. No, I’m giving it up because there’s a man in this hospital that can’t stand the thought of me being with anyone else but him. And for the first time in my life, I’ve found someone worthy of my personal sacrifice.” With that I turned and walked back into the hospital.

I almost ran headlong into David’s lawyer Carmella in my haste to get back to David. She smiled at me. “I was wrong about you.”

“What?” I blinked at her, not sure what to make of her change in attitude towards me.

She jerked her head in the direction I’d just come from. “I heard what you said, and I’ve come to the conclusion that I was wrong about you. I may not agree with what you chose for a career, but I have to say that you made some very valid points. You’re just not what I thought a porn star would be.”

I quirked an eyebrow at her. “You mean a dumb, oversexed gold digger?”

“Precisely.”

“Well I am oversexed.” I couldn’t help but tack on.

“Go see him, he’s awake and waiting for you.”

Her words wiped all other thoughts except for David from my mind and I took off at a dead sprint. When I got to his room I burst through the door and skidded to a stop at the side of his bed. His swollen eyes parted enough for me to see a glimpse of his baby blues and it took everything in me to keep from throwing myself into his arms. “David!” I exclaimed. “You’re awake! I’m so—“

“Is it true? Are you really giving up porn to be with me?” he rasped. “Carmella sent a nurse to tell me that—“

I scurried up into bed with him and placed my head on his chest. “Oh yes—yes. For you—I’m giving it all up for you. Just get better, okay?”

“I’m sorry I’m so tired,” he mumbled. “I was hurting so I asked for stronger pain meds. Maybe I should have waited to see you first…I’m just so tired.” His hand came up to settle in my hair. “Love yo…” His voice trailed off as he fell back to sleep.

David had just told me that he loved me. He was going to be okay and we would be together. I snuggled tighter into him and wiped the happy tears from my eyes. I didn’t need every man I met to adore me; I just needed one man to adore me more than everything else. Quality over quantity was what I was getting with David. I wasn’t even sad about the prospect of leaving the porn industry.

Chapter Thirty-Eight

~David

Alexa had insisted that I would get better faster in the comfort of a home. Since both of ours were in L.A. she had me moved to her Aunt Suzy’s house. I was placed in Alexa’s black decorated room, and both her and Suzy fussed over me day and night. Once a day, a nurse came by to check on me, but besides that it was significantly more pleasant than it would have been at the hospital.

I was putzing around online, trying to keep myself amused when Alexa sauntered in the room wearing a tiny nurse costume. The dress barely covered her ass, and her tits weren’t contained either. I took one look at her and got rock hard. “What’s going on?” I asked while still eyeing up her tight little body.

She sashayed over to me with a mischievous grin on her face. “My name is Marie and I’m your nurse today.” I raised my eyebrows at her. “Alexa James…and her Aunt Suzy are out for the evening. Alexa didn’t tell me where she was going but her aunt is on a date with her boyfriend. Neither of them will be back all evening.” Okay, I got it. Alexa was playing my naughty nurse while Suzy was out on a date with Eli. I wasn’t really sure what Alexa hoped to achieve, I wasn’t going to be much good to her while I was still all beat up.

“Yeah? Well that was very thoughtful of Alexa. I’ll have to thank her later.”

“Yes, she’s a very good girlfriend.” Alexa nodded in agreement. “But for now you need to sit back and relax so that I can take care of my patient.” I shut my laptop and slid it onto the black nightstand beside me.

“First I have to check over all your injuries.” She pulled back the black sheet and gave my chest and arms a cursory glance. “Oh!” she exclaimed, gaze zeroed in on my erection showing in my basketball shorts. “It looks like you might have some swelling. I better check it out.” She slid her hand into my shorts and grabbed my dick. I groaned. “Oh yes, I’m going to need to take care of this before it gets worse.” Alexa gently pulled down my shorts. She climbed onto the bed and brought her face within inches of my throbbing cock. “Oh you poor thing, this kind of affliction is very painful. You’re very lucky I know exactly what to do. Leave everything up to Marie.” She spun around, hiked up her dress, and plunged down onto me. I may have stopped breathing for a second. She leaned forward and gripped my legs, which were one of the areas that didn’t have any bruising. She was so wet and I bucked in encouragement for her to start moving. Taking my cue, Alexa began riding me, each stroke of her sweet pussy was like heaven. She kept on riding, slow but steady until I felt her quiver around me and cry out my name. That was all it took for me to follow her over the edge.

I dropped my head back on my pillow and gasped for breath. “Fuck, that felt good.”

Alexa climbed off me and snagged a few baby wipes from the nightstand. She started wiping me off. “What’s with you and baby wipes, anyhow?” She seemed to use them for everything. To clean up after sex, to wash off makeup, to cool off when she was hot...

“Oh, that. Well, I guess it’s just something that I picked up from porn. Baby wipes are very convenient for a lot of stuff on set. And once you see how well they work, it’s only a matter of time before it just makes sense to use them at home too.”

Huh. “I guess that makes sense.”

When she finished cleaning me, she pulled my shorts back up. “Is it weird?” she asked, her face turned away from mine.

“Is what weird?”

“That I was a porn star for all those years? I mean even the little things, like the baby wipes are a part of my every day life.”

I could sense some anxiety coming off of her. “Come here,” I commanded. She almost shyly approached me and sat next to me on the bed, her gaze averted. “Tell me what’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong.” Alexa picked at her nails.

“Then tell me why you just asked me that.”

She shrugged. “I don’t know. I’ve been wondering lately if it ever bothers you that I’ve been with so many men…and women.”

With a bit of effort I reached up and tipped her chin towards me. I met her stormy eyes head on. “I don’t give a shit how many people you’ve been with. You’re with me now, and I love you.”

She tucked herself under my arm and hugged me tightly. I grimaced but didn’t say anything. “I really don’t know how I got so lucky to find you,” she murmured against my chest. “I love you so much, David.”

I kissed the top of her head. “Stop letting doubts get to you. If I was going to leave you I would have already.”

“Thanks a lot.” She nipped playfully at my nipple.

“It’s the truth.”

“So…have you heard anything from Carmella about the whole Devlin situation?”

“She’s supposed to call me tomorrow. She said she should have some news then.”

“Alexa—“ I’d been wanting to ask her to marry me. Of course I was hoping it would be more romantic, or a better situation than with me laid up with injuries, but the day I’d been jumped I’d set out with a purpose. A purpose I’d yet to fulfill. Carmella had brought me the ring the other day, stashing it in the nightstand for me. It’d been retrieved and documented. Her cop friend bent the rules a bit and let me have it back earlier than what was customary. “Alexa—there’s something in the nightstand I need you to get for me.”

“Oh, of course.” She jumped up and slid the drawer open, peering inside. “What did you need, baby?”

“Can you get that small box that’s in there?”

She reached in and produced a white ring-sized box. “This?” she asked while eyeing it speculatively, and yet still completely clueless about it.

“Yep. Now will you open it for me please?”

She gasped as soon as she saw what was inside. “What—what is this David?”

“Alexandra James, will you make me the happiest man alive and be my wife?”

“Oh my God!” she shrieked, her feminine glee nearly rupturing my eardrums. “Oh my God!” she shrieked again. She looked at me with tears shining in her eyes. “Of course I’ll marry you!”

Chapter Thirty-Nine

~Alexa

A few minutes ago I’d been doubting the longevity of my and David’s relationship, and then he proposed. I couldn’t have been more surprised. I continued to stare at the ginormous pink diamond set in platinum and my body started to shake. “I can’t believe—I just can’t believe it!”

“Put it on and see if it fits.”

“Oh, yes, of course!” I removed the ring from the box and slipped it on my finger. “Fits like a glove.” I whispered, in awe of the pink perfection sparkling at me.

“Come here,” David commanded for the second time that evening.

I slid into bed next to him and leaned up to gently press my lips to his. His face was healing nicely but I was still afraid to kiss him too hard. “I love you,” I murmured into his mouth.

“I really wished I could have done that in a more romantic way, but I don’t have a ton of options at the moment. I was going to wait but I thought it was the best way to show you how I felt with you questioning my feelings.”

I gazed up at him with my head on his chest. “How did you get this in here and how long have you had it?”

“I bought it the day I was jumped. Carmella brought it to me when she was able to get it back from the guys who took it.”

What? I couldn’t believe he’d been jumped on his way back from buying a ring to propose to me. I hated Devlin just a little bit more after hearing that information. “I was honestly worried you’d say no. Or at least tell me I was moving too fast.”

“Are you serious?” I asked incredulously. “I gave up porn for you and you thought I might say no?”

David chuckled. “Well I was more hopeful after you gave up porn, but when I bought the ring that wasn’t the case.”

“And you were going to ask me to marry you anyways?” My heart swelled. He really did love me for me.

“Yeah, although I’m not going to lie to you and say I don’t like it better this way…with you only being with me.”

“Knowing that you accept it so completely—this may sound weird but—if I hadn’t already, knowing that would have made me give it up all over again.” I pulled away from him and slid down his body.

“What are you doing?”

I skimmed my hand over his dick and it immediately hardened. “It’s time for Marie to check on your ailment again. She’s—I mean—I’m a dedicated nurse and I will not let you suffer on my watch.” I dipped down to free David’s pulsing length and then I took it fully into my mouth. I smiled around him as he groaned. Now that I was going to be his wife, I needed to start practicing my wifely duties.

I gave David some of his pain meds and left him to sleep a little while later. I wanted to get changed out of my little outfit before Aunt Suzy got home from her date. I’m sure she was aware that David and I had sex, but there also was no need to rub it in her face.

I decided I’d watch a little TV to unwind. I settled myself in the living room and started scrolling through the guide to find something to watch. The local news was showing up in the tiny viewing box and I hadn’t bothered to mute it. That’s when I heard something that immediately caught my attention. “Devlin Saint was voluntarily committed to a rehab facility for drug addiction. There’s no news on how this will affect the pending legal suit against him, although some theorize it will only aid him in his cause. It’s thought that with him being set on the course of rehabilitation, leniency could…”

“That no good son of a bitch!” I growled. “He’s clearly trying to manipulate public opinion.” The house phone rang and because I was so focused on the TV, I was startled and I jumped. “Hello?” I answered breathily.

“Alexa, this is Carmella. I’ve been trying to call David for the past few hours but it goes straight to voicemail. Your phone as well.” I could hear the agitation in her voice.

“Oh yeah, sorry. We were…busy.” I bit my thumbnail nervously. “I guess you’re calling about Devlin and his little vacation to rehab?”

“You’ve seen the news?”

“I was just watching it now. I gave David his meds and he’s sleeping. What will it mean for the case?”

“It means they’re offering a settlement. A very substantial amount of money, ownership of Sinfully Yours Films, and a promise to not pursue anything legally against either of you in the future. Devlin isn’t going to be allowed within a five hundred foot radius of the two of you. But that also means the two of you will need to sign a promise of your own to not pursue anything else with Devlin in regards to all the recent incidents in Pittsburgh.”

I blew out a huge breath. “I’ll talk to David. Maybe you should come by tomorrow. I have a feeling he’s going to want the deal. It’s a good idea, right?”

“It’s the best we’re going to get. If we pursue it further it looks bad and if we end up with a jury then we’re screwed for that reason. I know neither of you may like it, but it looks like Devlin is going to get off without jail time either way.”

I thought of Devlin as he was when we were kids, and then when we’d been in a relationship. He’d been pretty good to me, and I had loved him for a long time. Maybe he really was twisted up in the head because of drug use. We would be in a position where he couldn’t hurt us and we could move on with our lives. I never wanted anything to do with Devlin again, but I could ultimately forgive since I would be protected. Maybe he just needed a second chance, and for old time’s sake, I was willing to give him one. “I’m down with accepting, and, yeah… come over tomorrow and bring what needs to be signed.”

“Done,” Carmella said. “I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

“Bye.” I hung up.

It felt good in some way that things were going to turn out the way that they were. It was final, and it made me feel like I was finally moving on from my old life. I wouldn’t have to think about Devlin anymore. I used to wonder if I had blown my one chance at true love when I’d left him. Now I knew that David was who I was meant to spend my life with, as sappy as it sounded. I believed everything good and bad happens for a reason. Maybe I wouldn’t appreciate David as much as I did if not for all the shitty relationships I’d had. I probably never would have run into him again if I hadn’t been doing porn. I probably would have married Devlin and never gotten out of Pittsburgh. But, there was no point in playing the ‘what if’ game any longer. The future was looking bright and I was very, very hopeful.

Chapter Forty

Six months later…

~Alexa

L.A. was a completely different world to me since I’d given up porn. I won’t lie, I kind of missed it. Not the having sex with other people part, but the adoration from millions of fans. I felt completely invisible sometimes. I guess I still needed to find my way, and it was unrealistic to expect for things to magically be settled. After all, I lived in the real world, not a fairy tale where happily ever after meant the end of the story.

“Honey, I’m home,” David called from the front door as it banged open. He liked saying that, as corny as it was, since I’d moved in with him. I was only renting my house, and David owned, so it was kind of a no brainer for me to give up my place. After all, we were getting married soon. I scurried from my lounging position on the couch, wedding magazines strewn around me, and ran to meet him. I’d missed him so much. Sure he’d only been gone a week, but we were still in the honeymoon phase of our relationship. As soon as I saw him I jumped into his arms and shoved my tongue into his mouth.

David pulled away from me and grinned. “Someone’s happy to see me. Give me a minute to get my stuff upstairs and—“

I stole his words as I jammed my tongue back in his mouth. I was so horny that if he hadn’t come home when he did, I may have gone through a whole box of batteries. “Can’t wait,” I said against his lips. “You need to fuck me right here, right now.”

Sensing my urgency, or really because I’d just told him… David dropped me to my feet, spun me around, lifted my skirt, and before I knew it, was balls deep inside me. One hand pushed my face against the wall while the other gripped my hip, biting into my flesh. He fucked me hard and fast and I was screaming his name and coming on his hard length in no time. I pushed him away from me and dropped to me knees, wanting to taste his cum on my tongue. I opened my mouth and was rewarded a moment later with exactly what I was craving. I stared up the line of his body and my heart clenched. He was so beautiful. My skinnier, inked up version of Clark Kent. I swear, he got hotter and hotter every time I saw him. I could study him for hours, kiss him for hours… fuck him until I was too sore to manage anymore. I just loved him so much.

“I missed you too,” David rasped.

I straightened my skirt and stood, meeting his shockingly blue gaze. “That was just to take the edge off. I’ll be needing more special attention as soon as you’re unpacked.”

“My life is so rough.” He picked up his small black suitcase and trailed after me to our shared bedroom. “So what have you been up to today?”

“It’s been a boring day. Lots of masturbation and wedding magazines, that’s about it.” David smirked and shook his head.

“We got another offer to make more sex tapes,” he added non-chalantly.

It was something that was really starting to get to me. You see, after our car sex tape had gone viral, the short snippet of two of us in the elevator had as well. Being that I’d given up porn… well, we’d starting getting some very lucrative offers to make our own porn almost right off the bat. There was a part of me that wanted to do it. After all, I wouldn’t be having sex with anyone but David. He wasn’t game though. I flopped on the bed and pretended to study my nails. “Still haven’t changed your mind?”

“No.” I could hear the frown in his voice. He looked up from his unpacking and studied me for a moment. “Have you thought about directing some movies at Sinfully Yours Films like I suggested?”

I dropped my hands to my sides and huffed. “Yes, I thought about it, but… I don’t know. Directing is a ton of work and at the end of the day you don’t even get laid.”

David closed his eyes and shook his head slowly before getting back to unpacking. “You’ll find whatever you’re meant to do next eventually. For now let’s focus on the wedding… and our honeymoon.”

That perked me up a bit. I was really looking forward to our planned exploration of Europe. I’d never been and I couldn’t be more excited. We were taking an entire month for our honeymoon. “I guess I can do that.” I started bouncing on the bed. “Aunt Suzy and Eli are going to be here tomorrow, remember? You know, to help me with my wedding dress shopping…well Aunt Suzy, not Eli. You have to hang out with him and keep him busy tomorrow afternoon.”

“Yep, I remember.”

“So until tomorrow you better plan on being naked because we have a whole week’s worth of sex to catch up on.”

David met my eyes and smiled. “Like I said, my life is so hard.”

Chapter Forty-One

~David

I’d told Alexa that she’d find what she was meant to do next, eventually. I was just hoping that eventually turned out to be sooner rather than later. I could tell she was having a hard time coping with the new anonymity from quitting porn. At least I was secure enough to know it was that and not her missing having sex with a whole bunch of other people. That would have spelled the beginning of the end of our relationship. I’d mulled over what it would be like to film some movies with just the two of us, but it was one thing to have an accidental film and another thing entirely to become a porn star in my own right. I wished I could give that to her, but I was hoping she’s find her way soon and forget about it. I was having a hard enough time as it was dealing with my mother. She was less than thrilled in my choice for a bride. If she discovered that her baby boy was going to have sex on film for money… She’d never forgive Alexa. For now, my plan was to distract Alexa with plenty of sex, I know, such a hardship, and with wedding plans.

My thoughts were swirling as I lay in a half-awake state. I groaned as Alexa pounced on me. “Please…I need sleep,” I mumbled, squeezing my eyes tightly shut.

“But you promised to entertain Eli.” The pout was evident in her voice.

I blinked open blurry eyes and tried to come fully awake. I fumbled for the nightstand and felt around for my glasses. I slipped them on and glanced at the clock. “Noon already?”

“Yep, and they’ll be here—“

I tore my glasses from my face and rolled over. “Not for another few hours. I need more sleep.”

She tried to wedge her hand under me to get at my—shit—no longer sleeping dick. Just her mere presence perked him up. I was tired from travel and from the sex-a-thon we’d had last night. Alexa hadn’t been kidding when she said she wanted to make up for the week I’d been away. Of course, I’d been more than happy to oblige. I was feeling a bit worn out now though.

She started bouncing on my ass when I refused to roll over for her. “If you don’t cooperate, I’m just going to have to play dirty.” She paused. “Which could be fun.” I did not like the tone in her voice. “I’m pretty sure you’ve never had anal before, David. Maybe it’s time I broke you in.”

“What are you talking about, you know that—“ Oh, no. That was not going to happen. “Alexandra James. If you bring any kind of toy near my ass with the intention of inserting it—“ I ground my teeth together in annoyance. “So help me God I will not be responsible for what I do.”

Completely ignoring me I heard her rummaging around in the closet. “Fooo-uund it,” she sing-songed.

I flipped over and glared at her as she pranced out of the closet. In her hand was a strap on. “Now where’s the lube?” She scrunched her face up in concentration as she scanned all the surfaces in the room.

“Alexa,” I growled. “Put that away. You’re not using it on me.”

“Oh come on, David, lots of straight men enjoy some anal stimulation. What’s the—“

“I’m thinking maybe a finger or something is what they enjoy. Not a fucking huge purple dildo attached to a strap on.”

Alexa giggled and dropped the toy. She ran and pounced on me again. “Really? So you don’t want me to shove that up your ass?”

“It’s not even funny.”

“I don’t know, I think it is.” She had me right where she’d wanted me to begin with, and she didn’t hesitate in taking advantage. Her hand slid into my shorts and she tightened her fingers around my erection. I groaned. “Shhh… Don’t worry baby, I’ll do all the work. You don’t even have to open your eyes.” Alexa pulled my shorts down just enough so she could impale herself on me. She swiveled her hips, riding me fast and hard while pinching her own nipples. As soon as she came, she slid off me and sucked my dick into her mouth. I’d never met anyone who enjoyed giving blowjobs as much as her. Not that I would ever complain. She did all the work, just as promised. After she’d swallowed me down, I was more than awake and I decided I wanted a little taste of her. So I pulled her up my body until she was sitting on my face. I grabbed her ass to hold her steady, and gave her enough orgasms to hopefully quiet her down long enough for me to sleep for another hour.

When I woke up a little while later to take a piss, I couldn’t help but admire Alexa passed out in bed next to me. She was sprawled face down, completely naked, with her long blonde hair fanned out around her. Being in a relationship with her hadn’t dulled my utter and complete awe of her. I loved her more than I could ever begin to explain. But again my thoughts were turned in the direction of her sexual inclinations. What if I wasn’t enough one day? What if she needed people to watch? When I returned to bed… Fear of losing her, and my anxieties drove me to wake her up by plunging into her from behind. I fucked her to claim her—to make her mine. And once again I wondered how I used to think that I had no alpha male tendencies. I held her down and made her take me just the way I wanted. But what I really wanted was to be absolutely sure I’d never lose her.

Chapter Forty-Two

~Alexa

“Aunt Suzy and Eli are here! They’re here! They’re here!” I exclaimed with excitement. I dashed from our room where David was still getting dressed and ran to get our front door. When I swung it open I was greeted by my Aunt Suzy, Eli…and a baby bump? My mouth dropped open while I processed. Then I started jumping up and down and squealing. “Oh my God! Oh my God!” I burst through the door and threw my arms around Aunt Suzy. “Wait, how far along are you, how did you fly?”

Eli brought his arm around her and smiled at me. “It’s only the first trimester. She’s just so tiny her bump is already showing. Plus by the time she hit’s her third trimester—“

Aunt Suzy smacked at his hand playfully. “Shut up. I want to tell her.”

“Are you guys going to get married too?” I interjected.

“Yes. But not until after the baby is born, plus I don’t want to steal your thunder.”

“Oh I don’t care. I—“

“That’s not was I was going to tell you.” Aunt Suzy interrupted me back. “I was going to tell you that we’re moving to California to be closer to you guys.”

“Really? Oh my God!” I was bouncing so much I was starting to get a headache.

“Are you going to invite them in or are you going to stand on the front stoop all day?” David asked as he came up behind me.

“Oh—oh, right. Sorry. Come in.” I held the door open for Aunt Suzy and Eli and then took David’s arm. “Did you hear?” I asked. “Not only are they having a baby, but they’re moving to California.”

David chuckled. “I’m pretty sure the entire West Coast heard the news.”

“Well it’s good news. Totally worth sharing.” I dropped David’s arm and practically skipped in front of the happy couple. “Are you still okay to go shopping with me, Aunt Suzy?”

She bobbed her head of shiny curls demonstratively. “Of course. I’ve been so excited to have this time with you.” Sudden tears welled in her eyes and she wiped at them. “I’m sorry, I’m a bit hormonal. And I’m just so happy for you.”

“Yay!” I clapped, feeling very young and very buoyant in mood. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been so happy. “Okay, well let’s go now because I have some appointments and I don’t want to be late.” I steered Aunt Suzy out of the house. Absentmindedly I waved at David and Eli. “Bye, have fun doing boy stuff. We’ll see you later.”

I loaded Aunt Suzy into my red Jeep Wrangler and sped off to find my wedding dress. I was excited for me but also to hear, without Eli present, all the unedited details of her pregnancy, and their impending marriage. It wasn’t like girls lied in front of their men, but the delivery of the story was always different in mixed company as opposed to just being out with the girls. I glanced at my aunt and grinned. “Okay, I want to hear every single juicy detail.”

She grinned back at me. “Of course. I would never dare to try and deny you.” We both giggled like we were teenagers again.

Chapter Forty-Three

~David

I cracked open a bottle of Yuengling Lager for myself and offered one to Eli. He took it with a nod of appreciation. We both slumped down in the living room in a comfortable silence. After a few sips of my brew I set the bottle down on the coffee table. “Suzy and Alexa are quite the pair. They’re probably chattering non stop right now.”

Eli grimaced. “I hate to admit it but I’m really glad I don’t have to deal with all of that. Don’t get me wrong, I love Suzy and Alexa but—“

“But we’re guys!” I finished for him. I picked my beer and clinked it to his. “Cheers to men and manly silence.”

“Sooo…” Eli shifted uncomfortably. “I know that I’m allowed to know that Alexa did porn but it’s still awkward to mention in any way. I guess I just wanted to ask you how things were going…but in a very manly non-invasive way.”

I took another sip of beer and nodded. “No, I get what you’re saying. It’s kind of weird when I really think about how many men have seen her naked. All of my friends have her movies, that’s really the weird part. I wish I could at least make them throw them away.”

“Lucky for you I’m not big into porn. I hate to admit, don’t ever tell Suzy, but I did see one of her films.” Eli winced. “I’m sorry, maybe I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“Okay, yeah, it’s kind of weird that you’ve seen her having sex, but it can’t be helped.” I most definitely wouldn’t be telling Suzy or Alexa what Eli had just told me. They’d both freak out. Alexa thought that he’d almost recognized her a while back from one of her TV interviews. I was more than happy to let her keep on thinking that. “The real problem has been my mother,” I stated as a good subject change. “She’s not pleased with the idea of gaining Alexa as a daughter-in-law. In fact she’s refusing to come to the wedding.”

Mulling over my words, Eli took another swig of beer. “How does Alexa feel about that? Suzy hasn’t mentioned it to me at all so that means Alexa hasn’t said much to her.”

“She’s not saying much about it period.”

“Oh. Bad sign.”

I sighed. “My thoughts exactly.”

“So, want to play some video games?” Eli asked, eyeing up my PlayStation.

I quirked an eyebrow. “I didn’t know you played. I’m down.”

“Set it up, and I’ll grab us some more beers.”

All right. It’d been awhile since I’d really gotten to play. Alexa always wanted to distract me with sex every time I tried. And I was definitely not one of those guys who’d rather fuck around with video games than their girl. If I was, Alexa probably would have walked out the door a long time ago.

I clicked on the consul and Eli handed me another beer. “Cheers to video games and no endless wedding dress chatter.”

“Here, here,” Eli said.

A few hours later the girls still weren’t back and both Eli and myself were well on our way to buzzed town. I very rarely drank enough to become inebriated, but when I did, my impulse control was very low. I knew Alexa was out wedding dress shopping and bonding with her aunt, but I suddenly missed her a lot more than I should have. I’d been out of town for a week and a one night sex-a-thon wasn’t going to make up for that, despite what she said.

“Hold up!’ I dropped my controller. “I’m calling Alexa to see what’s taking them so long.”

Eli was so focused on the game he didn’t acknowledge me at all. He mumbled, “Die asshole.” While rapidly hitting the buttons.

I shrugged and pulled my phone out of my pocket. “Hello?” Alexa’s sweet voice said into my ear, a moment later. “Hey baaaby,” Had I just slurred my speech a little? Maybe I should back off the booze a bit. “I just wanted to see how things were going?”

“Well I’m standing here right now—“

“When are you coming home?” I walked out of the living room and into the kitchen. “I need you to come home.”

“I’m standing here in a wedding dress at the moment. I still haven’t found the right one.” She sighed.

A sudden flash of that old song Like A Virgin flashed in my mind, but instead of Madonna writhing around on the ground in a wedding dress, it was Alexa. I rubbed the heel of my palm over the hardening length in my shorts. “Yeah?” I said gruffly. I was picturing Alexa crawling to me on all fours in a wedding dress, gazing up at me with lust in her eyes. I groaned.

“David? What are you doing?”

“I’m thinking about you in a wedding dress and it’s kind of turning me on.”

“I’ll be right back,” she said to someone while it sounded like she covered the phone. I heard swishing and then she addressed me again. “Madonna? Like A Virgin?” she whispered.

“Yeah.” I breathed. “I love how you just—get me.”

“How much have you had to drink and where’s Eli?”

“He’s still playing the Res Evil but you know, I think you’ve Pavlov-ed me.”

“What?”

“You know, Pavlov…the dogs… I think you’ve trained me to think about sex every time I try to play video games now. It’s kind of twisted if you really think about it.”

She giggled. “Sorry. But of course I’m not.”

I glanced over my shoulder to make sure I was still alone and stepped into the pantry, closing the door behind me. “Go in the dressing room and touch yourself for me.”

“Oh David, you’re so naughty. But—“

“Do it,” I growled.

“I can’t,” she snapped. “Not here. But I can buy a cheap wedding dress somewhere and we can play later.”

I could tell by her voice that she wasn’t going to budge on this one. “Fine, but don’t stay out too long.” I hung up the phone and went back into the living room. How was I supposed to think about anything but Alexa in a wedding dress now? Stupid video games.

Chapter Forty-Four

~Alexa

I exited the dressing room and stepped back up to the mirrors, trying not to meet Aunt Suzy’s curious eyes. “This isn’t it either.”

“What was that about?”

I blushed. There was a time and a place for everything, and I didn’t want to be discussing my phone call with David with my aunt while wedding dress shopping. “It was David. Him and Eli are drinking and playing stupid video games. He just wanted to see when we’d be back.”

She raised her eyebrows. “So why all the secrecy?”

“Umm…well… He’s a bit buzzed…” I let me voice trail off and finally met her eyes.

She tittered. “Men.”

“I know.” I wailed. “And also… I just don’t like any of these dresses. They’re not me.” And could I really wear white? I mean, come on.

“If you’re not diggin’ any of these dresses then let’s go. We can look another day and in other places.”

“But we’ve already been to some of the most expensive shops in L.A.” I hissed. “If I can’t find something in one of them…”

“The price tag isn’t everything.” Aunt Suzy stood and went around to unzip the dress I had on. “Come on, we can head home and regroup. Wedding dress shopping shouldn’t be stressful, contrary to popular belief.”

I threw my arms around her. “You’re the best.” I averted my gaze from her. “I think I’m going to buy this dress, but not for the wedding. Can you go let the sales lady know?”

“Why would you—“ She took in my sheepish expression and shook her head. “Really, you’re going to spend that much for some sex game or whatever with David?”

I put my hands on my hips. “Hey, one can’t put a price tag on a good sex life.”

She rolled her eyes. “Touche’. I just didn’t know David had it in him but then again, would you be with him if he didn’t?”

“You’re making me sound shallow.” I harrumphed. “You need to be sexually compatible to be with someone long term. Maybe if more people just accepted that then there’d be less unhappy people in this world.”

“You may have a point,” Aunt Suzy begrudgingly admitted.

“Sooo…” she drawled as I got dressed in my street clothes. “How are you doing with everything?”

“What do you mean?”

She sighed. “Ummm… What I mean is, how are you doing with the—“ She glanced around and then whispered. “No porn thing?”

Okay, awkward much? “It’s been rough. But not why you might think. I don’t miss being with other people. I miss the attention. And I miss—“ Could I admit this out loud to the woman who was the sister of my heart. “I miss people watching.” When she didn’t say anything I continued. “Sometimes I feel like if people aren’t watching I’m going to disappear. I wish David would say yes to us doing movies together, I don’t see what the big deal is.”

“Andy, don’t you think he’s been pretty accepting as it is? Most men of his caliber wouldn’t be okay with your past.”

I was suddenly too hot. Did my Aunt Suzy really think that? Even though she was accepting of me completely, did she truly believe that David was better than me on some level? Or was I reading too much into what she’d just said. She’d said of his caliber though. Like he was out of my league and I should just be happy he was taking me as is without much protest. “I don’t feel so good. Let’s just go, I don’t want the dress.”

Scrutinizing my reaction Aunt Suzy bit her lower lip with worry. “I didn’t mean it to come out that way. What I meant was—“

I waved her off. “Don’t worry about it. I know what you meant. I just want to go home.”

“Hey,” David jumped up from the couch, dropping his remote without care. “There you are.” He wrapped his arms around me and whispered in my ear. “Did you get a dress? I can’t stop thinking about you like we talked about on the phone.”

I inhaled his comforting, spicy scent and shook my head. “No, sorry. I don’t feel so hot at the moment. I’m going to go lay down.”

Chapter Forty-Five

~David

I watched in confusion as Alexa left the room, her shoulders hunched. I turned to Suzy. “What happened?”

Worry was etched into every line of her face, and tears welled in her eyes. “I said something—she took it the wrong way and now she doesn’t want to talk about it. She was so happy before and now—“ Tears escaped her eyes and flowed down her cheeks. “It’s all my fault that she’s miserable.” She pressed her face into Eli’s chest and sobbed into his shirt. He wrapped his arms around her and just let her do what she needed.

“I’ll talk to her. Don’t worry.” I left the living room and hurried after Alexa. She was already in bed, curled in a little ball by the time I found her. “Hey,” I said, switching on the overhead lights. “Suzy told me she said something and you took it the wrong way.” I sat down next to her and smoothed my hand down her back. “Talk to me.” It was a good thing I’d stopped drinking and was sobering up. She pressed her face into her pillow in an effort to try and avoid me. “Hey,” I said again. “No secrets.”

“Fine.” She flounced onto her back. “It’s just—well it’s just—“ Her face scrunched up in anguish. “Aunt Suzy thinks that a caliber of guy like you—well—she thinks I’m lucky that you accept me after everything and that I shouldn’t push…things.”

Everything clicked into place for me. “You told her that you wanted for us to do sex tapes, didn’t you?”

She bit her lip and met my eyes. “Yes.”

“And you felt like she implied that you were—“

“Weird or off or something!” Her voice went up a few octaves to an almost shrill pitch. She was one step away from freaking out.

I bent my head and brushed my lips against hers. “You’re not weird. You’re perfect. Or if you are weird then I am too.”

“I miss it, David.” Her voice was so soft that if I wasn’t so close I might not have heard her.

My heart sped up. What was she saying? “Alexa, I—“

“Make movies with me, David.”

“And what happens when people are tired of watching just the two of us, then what? Are you going to want to have sex with other people, are you going to expect me to?”

“No. It’s not like that. And—and—don’t you think it would be hot if I had sex with another girl? We could have a threesome to try it out. We could—“

Her words were gutting me. She’d be okay with me having sex with another woman? Because just the thought of her being with another guy now, drove me mad. “You want me to have sex with someone else?” I looked deep into her eyes and saw the confusion there.

“I don’t know—I don’t know…” She covered her face with her hands. “I know that I don’t want to do this—to be like this—forever. I want kids one day—with you—but not now. Now I want the attention—I still want it.” Her breathing was becoming labored as she sucked in huge breaths, trying to prevent herself from crying. “Maybe you are too good for me.”

I pried her hands away from her face and cupped her cheeks, forcing her to look at me. “Don’t you dare ever say that again. If anything, you’re too good for me. I love you, we’ll figure something out.”

I curled around the back of her, playing the big spoon to her little one and held her tightly against me. I had the worst sinking feeling in my stomach. I was terrified that I was going to lose her. The real question was, how far would I be willing to go to prevent that?

The next morning Alexa acted like she hadn’t had an emotional break down and pretended everything was normal. I was hopeful that maybe she’d reassessed things. Everyone is permitted to fall apart emotionally once in a while. I knew she was stressed out. Things were different for her; she was still adjusting to her new life. It’s a fact that all change, even a positive one, is stressful. I just had to give her more time. I’d show her that my love was enough for her. I’d find a way to make her happy somehow.

The four of us, Alexa, Suzy, Eli and myself were getting ready to have breakfast. Suzy and Alexa were acting almost too pleasant to each other, as if they didn’t want to rock the boat at all. I wasn’t going to interfere though; they had years to perfect their coping systems for each other.

The doorbell chimed while I was making pancakes for everyone. Alexa wasn’t much of a cook and I actually enjoyed it. I found it relaxing, and rewarding. Plus I was hoping I’d get the usual exuberant reaction from Alexa when I gave her what she liked to call a ‘mouthgasm’.

“I’ll get it.” Alexa pulled herself from her stool and headed for the door.

A few minutes later my mother stalked into the kitchen with my ex-girlfriend Natalie beside her. I dropped the skillet and batter splattered everywhere.

“What’s going on?”

My mother skimmed her gaze over Suzy and Eli and then narrowed her eyes at me. “That’s what I’d like to know.”

Chapter Forty-Six

~Alexa

I immediately recognized the small curvy woman with grey streaked hair when I opened the door. David had shown me pictures of his mother. The tall, lithe brunette beside her—I did not. I was taken by surprise, to say the least. “Ummm… Hi.” What does one say when the mother of the man you love shows up, unannounced on your doorstep, knowing that she hates you? Proper etiquette required me to invite her in. What I really wanted to do was slam the door in her face. “David’s in the kit—“ As soon as I unlatched the door she stormed past me, not even acknowledging me. The tall brunette followed suit, her nose up in the air.

I trailed along behind them, anger and curiosity intermingled. When David saw his mother, he dropped the skillet and spattered pancake batter everywhere. “What’s going on?” he asked, his eyes wide with surprise.

His mother eyed Eli and Aunt Suzy with open hostility. “That’s what I’d like to know.”

“Wha—what do you mean?” David stammered with confusion. “We’re getting ready to have breakfast.”

“I can see that little whore has completely corrupted you. Are you bi-sexual now too, or just a—a swinger?”

Eli spit out his juice and Aunt Suzy’s mouth dropped open. But before anyone, even me, could react, David’s face turned red with anger. “How dare you, mother!” I watched as his fists clenched and unclenched. “You have no right to come into my house, uninvited, and insult not only the woman I love—the woman I’m going to marry, but people you know nothing about.” Eli and Aunt Suzy slid from their chairs and excused themselves from the room—or really slunk out—trying to avoid getting involved in the conflict. I couldn’t really blame them, plus I didn’t want the bullshit to affect Suzy and the baby. I didn’t know how that kind of thing worked but I wouldn’t risk it.

“Come here,” David held out his hand. I walked around the other side of the table to avoid being to close to his mother. I took his hand and he pulled me into his side. “This is my fiancé, mother. Her name is Alexa. If you ever disrespect her again, that will be the last time you see either of us.”

His mom choked back a sob. “Natalie’s a good girl, and she loves you. Why can’t you be with someone like her?”

My gaze swung up to the tall brunette—Natalie? David had mentioned he had an ex by that name. I had to assume that they were one in the same. I had no idea they’d been that serious though, and obviously his mother loved her. It was like a little knife in my gut. I’d never been jealous before. But as I stood there, eyes roaming over David’s ex from head to toe—I suddenly found myself lacking. Why wasn’t David with someone like her?

“My relationships are none of your business, mother.” David’s voice was cold and emotionless; his anger had morphed into something much worse—disgust.

“Of course they are! I’m your mother! Whatever it is, you and Natalie can work on it! You can make it work! Just tell that little gold digging whore that you won’t ever be marrying her.”

Natalie, who had been silent up until that point stepped forward. “Look, David, I’m not really sure what went wrong between us but now I think I might have a guess.” She glanced back at David’s mother and she gave her a tight-lipped encouraging smile. “I obviously didn’t please you in the bedroom, but I didn’t know you liked to take control like you do. Knowing that—I—I—can let you. I’d like it, actually.” I gnawed on the inside of my cheek to stay quiet. Natalie had no idea what she was talking about. Sure, David took control of me sometimes, but he enjoyed me dominating him just as much. It really depended on the situation and how we were both feeling. David wasn’t harboring any secret Dom tendencies that I’d allowed him to explore, and he wasn’t looking for a sub. Sounded to me like Natalie had read one too many fiction books on the BDSM community and thought she knew a thing or two.

“And how would you know that I like to take control?” David asked through gritted teeth. His fingers were digging into my shoulder. Apparently he didn’t feel the need to correct her on her wrong assumptions either. It was probably better that way. I wasn’t really interested in airing out more details of our sex life.

“I—I saw the videos.” She wrung her hands together. “Please, David, give me another chance.”

“Look, Natalie, I really don’t know what my mother told you.” He shot a scathing glare at her. “But there’s no chance for you and me. I broke things off with you because something was missing. I found everything I want in Alexa.”

“I didn’t raise you to be a sexual deviant!” his mother screeched. David’s fingers dug into my skin more. I knew his was trying to tell me through body language that he wanted to handle everything between him and his mother—and Natalie, but if that woman insulted me one more time I was going to lose my shit.

“Leave, now. I don’t want to talk to you again until you’re willing to apologize to Alexa, and mean it.”

“No!” she cried out, “You can’t mean to choose her over your own mother! She’s done something to you—she’s—“

“All she’s done is show me what real love is about. Real unconditional love.” David let go of me and turned his back on her, essentially dismissing her.

Natalie reached out her hand as if to touch David from across the room, and then let it fall to her side. She glared down at me. “When he gets tired of you, when he wants more than just sex, he’ll come back to me.”

“Get out of my house—both of you!” I yelled. “Didn’t you hear him? He doesn’t want you here!” David remained impassive with his back to them, which silently screamed louder than I had that they needed to leave. Finally getting the message the two of them slunk from the house.

Chapter Forty-Seven

~David

As soon as my mother and Natalie were gone I turned to face Alexa, but she wasn’t there. Or what I should say, is that she was there physically, but obviously not present mentally. She was standing perfectly still, her tiny arms hugged around her, and her face blank of all emotion. Seeing her like that kind of scared me.

“Alexa—“ I started.

“David,” she mumbled, swiveling around to launch herself into my arms. “Please tell me what you’re thinking.”

“I’m thinking that you need to forget that ever happened, push it out of your mind because I love you and that’s all that matters.”

“You never told me. What happened with Natalie? She’s beautiful—why did you end things with her?”

Fuck. Her question let me know exactly where her mind was. Despite what I’d just said, and despite my best efforts to keep it from happening…my mother and Natalie had gotten under her skin. “I broke it off with her because of what I said—something was missing with her. I didn’t feel the way I do with you with her.”

“Is it the sex, David? Because if it’s just the sex then she’s right. One day you’re going to wake up and wonder what the hell you’re doing with me.”

I pulled her away from my chest and forced her to meet my gaze. Her dark blue eyes were a deep pool of angst. “I love our sex life. And yes, being compatible sexually is very important. You stretched me sexually, helped me to discover what I really enjoy. But if we could never have sex again—I’d still love you until my dying breath. You don’t seem to understand that I love you for everything you are, and your body, the sex—it’s just one part of you.”

Seeming to be pacified, at least temporarily, Alexa let go of me and sat at the table. “Wow. Emotionally intense situations really make me hungry. I hope we don’t have more soon because I’m going to end up a fatty at this rate.” She stabbed a stack of pancakes, plopped them down on her plate and covered them with maple syrup. “Do you think we should get Eli and Suzy or let them find their way back down here on their own?”

“Let them figure it out.” I turned off the stove and went to Alexa. “You’re coming with me.” I bent and picked her up off the stool, cradling her to my chest.

“What about breakfast?” she squealed.

“We’ll have breakfast later. Right now I’m hungry for something else.” Okay, so being that Alexa was worried that I only wanted her for sex, me immediately wanting to fuck around with her probably wasn’t the best idea, but I wanted to feel close to her. And being a guy I couldn’t imagine a way to feel closer to someone than being inside them. Guy logic was pretty straight forward like that most of the time.

The rest of the day went by with everyone pretending that our morning hadn’t been interrupted by my super religious, crazy mother. There was an underlying tension radiating from Alexa though, and I just didn’t know how to fix it. I figured that the best option was to just let it work itself out, just like everything else she’d been going through lately.

Just like a lot of best-laid plans, mine didn’t pan out the way I thought it would. It had been a huge mistake thinking that Alexa didn’t need to talk about what happened with my mother and Natalie. How big of a mistake? I found that out the next morning when Alexa was gone, the bed cold beside me, and her engagement ring was left beside my glasses on the nightstand.

When I went to find Eli and Suzy, they too were gone, which I hadn’t expected any less. Suzy was loyal to Alexa, no matter how much she liked me, and Eli would go along for the ride whether he approved or not.

Did Alexa think that she was doing me a favor by abandoning me the way she had? Did she think I’d simply go back with Natalie or find someone else? Clearly she did or she wouldn’t have left. But I could never be with anyone but her, now that I knew what I was missing. She was it for me. If I couldn’t have her then I was done with women. I just had to figure out how to find her and convince her to come back, because without her my life wouldn’t really be worth anything.

Chapter Forty-Eight

~Alexa

Maybe everyone had been right about me all along. There was something wrong with me and I was all fucked up in the head. I would have been happy with just David, but I wanted him to do movies with me. I really couldn’t see anything wrong with wanting that. I’m not really sure why I suggested a threesome, the thought of David’s beautiful cock in anyone besides me, tore at my heart and soul. The worst part was when he said we’d figure it out. Would he be willing to have sex with other women? Maybe he didn’t love me as much as I thought. I know, I know… I’m the one who brought it up, but—I think I was testing him. I think deep down I couldn’t let the idea of porn go because I was still afraid. I had so many contradictory thoughts and emotions; I knew I wasn’t making any sense. That’s why I’d left David. He deserved better than me. And when he figured that out he would have been the one leaving. I simply left first so that I wouldn’t be as crushed down the road.

I’d come to a realization. I was lonely—so lonely. All the time. David was the first and only person that made me feel connected in any real way. Maybe that was the real reason why I loved porn, the real reason I needed exhibitionism—because when people were watching me in my most intimate moments, whether I was having sex or even masturbating, there was some kind of connection. It’s a horrible feeling to go through life feeling like even when you’re in a room full of people, even if that room of people is all fucking you—if no one is watching—then you’re utterly alone…isolated from the world. How had I never known I felt that way before? Everything I’d ever done was to abate that soul deep emptiness in me. David filled that hole, but that wasn’t exactly healthy, because one day when I lost him… I would have ended up like my mother. I never knew my father. All I knew was that he left before I was born and that my mother never got over him. If what she felt for him was half of what I felt for David then I couldn’t blame her for what she did. Hell, color me impressed that she lasted sixteen years. I wanted to be with David but I didn’t want to depend on him. Depending on anyone will destroy you eventually.

I’d called my friend Ginger to ask if I could crash at her place for a few days until I figured out what I was going to do. She was someone that David hadn’t met yet, and so it slimmed the chances of him tracking me down right away.

I was currently sulking in Ginger’s guest bedroom when she burst in. “Okay, you need to get out of this funk, seriously.” Her long red hair was pulled on top of her head. And she drummed her perfectly manicured nails against the doorframe. “You’re the one who left him, remember? And honestly, I’m not even sure why.”

“I’m not sure I know anymore either,” I mumbled. Was I being a drama queen? Or was I so afraid of the other shoe dropping with David that I just went and destroyed all the shoes? I was being run by my fears, I knew that. I just didn’t know how to turn them off, or to face them.

“You want to come with and watch my scene today? It’s better than laying around here and doing nothing.”

I shrugged. “I guess.”

“You left David because you miss making porn and yet you haven’t lifted a finger to get back into it. Maybe you can talk to Tony today.” Tony was Ginger’s agent. He ran one of the biggest agencies for porn. He was the best. If I wanted to sign with someone, he would be the way to go. All the top entertainers, me aside, were signed with him.

“Okay, I’ll come with you and talk to Tony.” I got up and showered for the first time in days.

“So what would be on the list… Everything you used to do before?” Tony asked, tapping his chin in thought. “I have to say, you making a come back after every thing that went down—either you need to jump right in, do a big gang bang, I’m talking at least twenty guys, or—Shit I would have loved to do a line with you and David. The two of you, even in those grainy videos were hot. Chicks love that romantic type of shit. A lot of guys do too, as long as they get to still see the tits and ass. Hell, I’m not ashamed to admit that I’m really disappointed it didn’t work out between you two. What happened?”

I talked through gritted teeth. “I don’t want to talk about David.”

“Ooor—shit—I just had a brilliant idea. We could do a line all centering on the ‘seduction of Alexa’.” Tony framed the title in the air with finger quotes. His overly tanned face made his smile seem too white, cartoonish even. “It would be implied that you weren’t interested because of—well I won’t mention him again—but your co-stars seduce you against your will and you of course fuck them all. We could start out doing a lot of girl on girl. Make it more about you not being able to live without pussy, then we can transition to threesomes and so on.”

I shrugged feeling less than enthused about the idea. But that was to be expected. What I really wanted was to call David and tell him I’d been a fool. Of course for all I knew he now hated me the way Devlin did or worse—he’d already moved on. A flash of him taking Natalie from behind, the way he did me so many times, flew across my mind and caused bile to rise up in my throat. I needed to move on with my life any way I could. I just needed survive, and maybe one day I’d have some semblance of happiness again. “You know I like pussy—but only on the side. My main course has always been cock. I don’t want to get bored, and be unenthusiastic on camera.” How was I supposed to fuck David out of my system if I was only doing women? “But I’ll do whatever you think is best to re-jump my career. I know you’d be taking a risk on me after I haven’t been working for the last six months.”

“I think we’ll start with the seduction of Alexa thing. Ginger will be done soon with her scene. We can go back to her place and film a content trade for your websites. The sooner you get some new stuff up on your site the better. I’m sure she won’t have a problem with it since she’s only been doing girls lately, her boyfriend likes it better that way.”

“Oh? Brian’s getting possessive of Ginger now? But he doesn’t have a problem with her doing girls?”

“Most men don’t, plus Ginger has always been into girls. I’m not sure if you know this but her last relationship before Brian was with a woman.”

“No, I didn’t know.” It was a little different for me. I had fun fucking women, but I could give them up no problem. Men were my vice. I’d also never hooked up with a woman off camera. Threesome yes, but not just a woman.

Tony smoothed his graying hair back from his face. “Okay, so are we doing the content trade?”

I shrugged again. “I don’t see why not.”

Chapter Forty-Nine

~David

It only been a few days since Alexa had left me, but I was going absolutely insane. If I didn’t get a lead on her whereabouts soon I was either going to hire a private detective or storm every porno set in the California area. Each morning since she’d been gone, as soon I woke up, the first thing I did was go to her website. There hadn’t been any new content added since we’d gotten together but I checked it in fear of what I’d find. I don’t know why I was torturing myself. I knew deep down that if she did film something with someone else, I’d still take her back. Seeing it would merely break me more than I already was, if that was even possible.

I padded over to my desk where I had my laptop set up and went straight to Alexa’s site. “No. Fuck no.” My gaze zeroed in on a new picture. It was finally happening. The words ‘Full video coming soon’ were scrolled above a picture of Alexa arching up, pinching her own nipples, while a red headed woman sucked on her clit. I felt hot and cold all at the same time. There was a part of me that was relieved to only see another woman in the photo—no men. The rest of me was utterly crushed. She was making porn again. Even if there was no man now…it was only a matter of time. Of course another thought occurred to me.  Was Alexa possibly bi? Maybe that was the real reason she’d wanted a threesome. If that was the case, I could let her sleep with women and still be with me, couldn’t I? Maybe there was something that she got from that kind of relationship that I couldn’t give her sexually. She might have only suggested a threesome because she felt it would be the only way I’d accept it. Fuck if I knew. I just needed to find her and to talk to her. I still hadn’t figured out how the fuck I was supposed to do that though.

Feeling like I had no other viable options, I started Googling private detectives in the area. Every so often I would drop back in on Alexa’s site, morbid curiosity taking control. I couldn’t seem to resist wanting to see if the video of her and the red haired chick was uploaded yet. After I’d finished up my list of possible P.I.s to call, it’d been a few hours, and low and behold, the video was up. I brought the cursor to hover over the play icon and stayed like that for what seemed like an eternity. Finally I clicked on it. I just couldn’t seem to help myself. Apparently I’d become a masochist.

The video started with Alexa laying naked in a bed, white silk sheets. Her legs were spread wide and she was playing with herself, eyes squeezed tightly shut, like she might do if she was really alone and not on camera. A soft moan escaped her lips and my dick went instantly hard.

That’s when the redhead entered the frame. “Want company?”

Alexa feigned surprise and quickly closed her legs. “Ginger, what are you doing? I thought you went out?”

“I’m back early. And I’m glad I am.” She slipped off her flimsy dress. “I know your man is out too, and I thought—“

Ginger crept towards Alexa on all fours. “—I know you’re in a relationship with him now, but I have something he doesn’t.” Alexa’s breathing was ragged and her legs relaxed slightly as she stared at Ginger. “A pussy.” Ginger slid one manicured hand between Alexa’s thighs and circled her clit. “Don’t tell me you don’t miss being with a woman. I know I could never give it up.”

Alexa pretended to resist. “No, Ginger, stop. He won’t understand.”

Ginger pushed Alexa’s thighs open and stared longingly at her pussy, pursing her lips. “It’ll be our little secret then.” Ginger dove down and started furiously licking Alexa. She cried out and undulated her hips against Ginger’s tongue.

I clicked the button to pause the video. I was beyond turned on watching some woman get down and dirty with the woman I loved. I didn’t know if I should be pissed at myself or glad. Maybe I could let her be with other women after all. I had to watch the rest. I hit play. Alexa’s keening moans made my dick pulse with each beat of my heart. Would it be wrong to jack off to this video? Fuck, I didn’t know up from down and down from up anymore. I unzipped my shorts and began stroking myself.

Alexa’s tiny hands reached down do pull Ginger’s face away from her, and Ginger slid up to kiss her. Alexa’s full red mouth sucked her own juices from Ginger’s tongue. She slid down the mattress a bit and positioned Ginger above her face. Alexa’s pink tongue snaked out to lick Ginger, causing her to buck against Alexa. Her small hands gripped Ginger’s ass as she ate her out. That went on for another few minutes, stopping when Ginger’s thighs trembled and she came.

Alexa pushed Ginger off of her so that she fell on her back. “You’re right. I’ve missed pussy more than I knew. Especially yours, I could play with it all day.” The lines were cheesy, as they usually were in porn, but Alexa’s voice was rough and sexy as hell. She rose above Ginger and positioned herself so that her and Ginger’s pussies were lined up and they were scissor legged. Alexa threw her head back and gyrated against Ginger, working them both over.

“Fuck. Oh, fuck yeah,” Ginger moaned. “No one does it like you, baby. No one.”

She got that part right. I groaned and came into my own hand while staring at a video of Alexa making someone else come. I immediately felt dirty and stopped the video. Who was I kidding? I didn’t want to share Alexa with anyone, man or woman. Somehow watching a video of Alexa had made it seem removed, like it was a dream…or nightmare. Drop that in my bed in real life…and no. It wouldn’t be hot anymore. I clicked out of the site and started calling P.I.s. I needed to find Alexa before I logged onto her site and found her with another man—or men.

Chapter Fifty

~Alexa

I lay on my bed in Ginger’s guest room with my ear buds in, music turned up high. Ginger’s boyfriend Brian had come home while we were still filming our content share. He’d remained quiet and professional until we’d finished. After Tony and the camera crew had left, Brian had tried to entice me into a threesome with him and Ginger. They’d tried to convince me that they wanted to help get me over David faster. I’d considered it. After all, I’d just finished up having sex with Ginger, but I couldn’t bring myself to have sex with a guy besides David yet. I just couldn’t. So for the past hour Ginger and Brian had been going at it like rabbits, very loud rabbits. I suspected they hoped to entice me to join them. It wasn’t going to work though.

I was looking over the rough timeline Tony had drawn up for me to get me back into things. The first step had been the content trade with Ginger. The video of the two of us together would appear on both of our websites as promo. Starting in two days, Tony wanted me to begin the girl on girl campaign. My first full-length film was going to be a follow up story line to what the promo had set up. Ginger and I would arrange a trip together, telling my man that it was a platonic girls trip. There we would hook up again, and bring more women into the mix. I’d be doing a total of five different women. I wasn’t sure who they’d be yet. Not that it made a difference. After we shot that, there were a few more films along those lines, until finally, I seduced a woman whose man decided to join us. So in one week I’d be forced to fuck another guy whether I was ready to or not. When you were one of Tony’s girls, you either did what he said or walked away from the industry. I’d already walked away once, I couldn’t do it again, especially now.

I continued to study the sheet. After that, I jumped right into an orgy movie. During the course of that one I would do five women and five men. So far all of the early films on the list were the type marketed more towards women, the kind with story lines. One week after my orgy movie, I was slated to do a Gonzo film. That was the kind that had no lines and just straight sex. It was to be a gangbang, with a total of eleven guys. I swallowed nervously. Once I did that, there definitely would be no going back to David.

I gave myself an internal shake. I had to stop thinking that way. There was no going back to him now. Once I walked out that door, I’d ruined everything. Still… I turned off my music and popped out my ear buds. I grabbed my cell phone and reclined on the bed, trying to tune out Ginger’s moans and Brian’s grunts that were still going on. I brought up David’s number on my screen and let my finger hover over the send button. What if it wasn’t too late? What if I could go back to him right now?

I hit send and held my breath. After a few rings the phone clicked on and—a woman answered. I recognized her voice immediately. My heart turned to ice in my chest. It was Natalie. I just sat there not saying anything, listening to my heart pounding in my head.

“Alexa? I know that’s you. David has caller ID.”

“Oh, sorry, I didn’t hear anyone pick up. Who is this?” I was trying to sound casual, like I didn’t care that another woman had picked up David’s phone.

“This is Natalie.”

“Oh.” I didn’t know what to say to that. I’d already known it was her, but she didn’t know that I’d recognized her voice. Now that she was aware that I knew who she was…well she knew I wasn’t a fan and I wasn’t about to pretend I was. “Please put David on the phone,” I said curtly.

“I’m sorry, he’s in the shower at the moment. And frankly I know he’s not going to want to talk to you. He’s already moved on. I will say that I have to thank you though. You did me a favor by walking out on him and making it so easy for me to get him back. Also I should thank you for showing me what he really likes in the bedroom. Things were never as good as they are now, the first time around. I—“

I couldn’t listen anymore. My worst nightmare had come true, and yet when I’d left, hadn’t I thought it was exactly what was going to happen? David deserved to be with someone like Natalie. She was better than me in probably every way possible. I swallowed down my heart and pride. “I’m happy for you two, really. David deserves to be happy. I obviously wasn’t the right choice. I’m glad I could make things better for him.” With that, I hung up the phone, and threw it across the room, smashing it.

I got up from bed, stripping off my clothes as I went. I climbed the stairs to Ginger and Brian’s bedroom feeling numb but determined. I nudged the door open since they hadn’t even bothered to close it. Hoping probably, as I had suspected, that I would join them.

Ginger was on all fours while Brian did her from behind, doggie style. Neither one of them had noticed me standing there yet. “Is the offer to join you still open?”

Brian stopped thrusting and both of them turned to look at me. They then looked at each other before back at me again. “Come here, baby,” Ginger cooed. “Bring that sweet pussy over here.”

“Wait, I just wanted to say one thing first. I don’t know if I’m ready to be with another guy all the way just yet. So Brian you can watch me and Ginger together, and of course you’re going to fuck your girlfriend. Just let me be the one to initiate anything between the two of us, if I decide I’m ready.”

Brian’s face fell slightly, but he nodded his agreement. Ginger motioned to the spot in front of her. “We’re here for whatever you need, Alexa. Now get over here.”

I walked over to the bed and slid in under Ginger, moaning when she took her first lick. “Fuck, I love watching the two of you together,” Brian said as he began pounding into Ginger again.

A few hours later I left Ginger and Brian sleeping in their room, while I returned to my temporary one. I couldn’t sleep because I was pissed at myself. I hadn’t been able to let Brian touch me. I’d tried. I’d wanted him. I’d gotten wetter thinking about him sliding into me while I went down on Ginger, but ultimately I just couldn’t. I didn’t even know why. I’d let him come on my tits though, so Ginger could lick it up and then me some more. Brian was down for the count way before Ginger was done playing. Maybe that was why she wanted some extra company in the bedroom. It’d been fun, but not enough to make me forget about David, not even for a second. I’d pictured him watching Ginger and I together, rock hard. Then I’d imagined him fucking my ass while she went down on me. Never once could I even bring myself to imagine the two of them together. I flopped on my bed and shook my head. I clearly hadn’t left him soon enough. I was already ruined.

Chapter Fifty-One

~David

I’d come back from my meeting with the P.I. that was going to find Alexa, to discover Natalie sitting on my front stoop. She’d probably heard about Alexa leaving me somehow.

“What are you doing here, Natalie?” I asked with annoyance as I made my way up the walkway.

“I just wanted to talk to you, to see if you’re okay.”

Yep, she’d heard. “I’m fine. Thanks for asking. Did my mother send you?”

She stood and ran her hand through her long brown hair. “No, she doesn’t know I’m here. I’d have to explain to her how I know what I know.”

I quirked an eyebrow. “And what’s that? What do you think you know?”

“Alexa and you aren’t together anymore.”

I crossed my arms over my chest. “How exactly do you know that?”

“I saw the new video on her site. I made an educated guess. There’s no way you’d be with her if she was making films again.”

I hated how smug she looked. “Maybe I’m okay with her being with other women. I actually think it’s hot.” I gave her the once over. “You want me bad enough to go through Alexa? She lets me do other girls as long as we do them together.” I have no idea why I said that. Maybe it was for the reaction I knew I would get from Natalie.

She gasped and her eyes widened. “You can’t be serious.”

I smirked at her. “As a heart attack.”

Natalie raised her chin and scrunched up her face. “I don’t believe you. You’d never be into that.”

When I’d initially broken things off with Natalie, I’d had nothing but goodwill towards her. We’d ended on a positive note, and I could imagine myself even chatting with her if I ran into her in public. But now—it was the combined effort of her and my mother that ultimately drove Alexa away—I hated her. “You don’t know me, Natalie. At least not the way you think you do.”

“That’s not true!” she cried. “David please, just give me another chance.” She dropped to her knees and fumbled for my zipper.

I jumped away from her. “What the fuck are you doing?”

“Isn’t that what you like?” she asked with confusion. “Just let me show you that you don’t have to be with a porn star to have your needs met sexually.”

“Is that what you think? You think I was with Alexa because she would blow me right here on the front lawn, with the chance of everyone seeing?”

“Then what is it about her?” Natalie croaked, still on her knees.

“It wasn’t that she would do me anywhere, it was that she was so passionate that she couldn’t not do me anywhere. She loved me and wanted the whole world to know how much.” God, if she was in front of me right now, I’d tell her I’d do anything to keep her…anything.

“She’s not good enough for you!” Natalie sobbed, falling to her hands.

“Alexa would never do to me what you and my mother did. If she thought I was happy, legitimately happy with someone else, she’d let me go. Because that’s what it means to love someone else completely.” I balled my fists up at my sides. I’d never wanted to hit a female more than I did in that moment. “It’s your fault she’s gone. And the only way I’d ever forgive you for causing her to leave is if you helped me to get her back. So you see, Natalie, either way…I’ll never be with you.”

“Daavid,” she sobbed.

“What I don’t understand, is why you didn’t put up this much of a fight when I broke things off with you.”

“I told you, I thought you’d come back. I thought…I don’t know… that you would miss me.”

“No, I miss Alexa though, and I’m going to get her back.” I whirled around, uncaring that Natalie was sobbing on the ground now, and unlocked my front door. “If you’re not off my property by the time I’m out of the shower, I’ll have the cops remove you.”

Twenty minutes later after a long shower, because I was thinking of Alexa, of course, I was shocked to find Natalie not only in my bedroom, but naked on my bed. “How the fuck did you get in here?” I demanded.

“It doesn’t matter. I’m here now and I’m not taking no for an answer.” She opened up her legs and dipped her hand to caress herself.

My nostrils flared with anger. “It matters. I’m only going to ask you one more time—How the fuck did you get in here?”

“You didn’t close the door, it didn’t lock. Maybe you did it subconsciously, maybe you wanted me to come up here.” She flipped herself over and offered me her ass. “Please, David, I need you.”

“You’re mental. That has to be the only explanation—you’re certifiable. What do I have to do to convince you that I don’t want you anymore?” I tugged at my hair and ground my teeth together. When she didn’t respond and kept moaning and waving herself at me I finally snapped. I stalked towards the bed but instead of doing what she hoped, I grabbed her by the hair and flung her to the floor. Alarm skidded across her face at my brutal treatment of her. “Get the fuck out of my sight!” I yelled.

Natalie’s alarm quickly morphed to anger. “She’ll never come back to you. She left you and now she’ll never come back.”

Something about the way she said it made me take notice. A feeling of dread wheedled its way into my system. “What did you do?”

She stood, and started gathering her clothes, careful not to make eye contact with me. I reached out when she came near and grabbed her hair, yanking her to me. “What the fuck did you do?”

Her lips turned up into a spiteful smirk. “She called your phone when you were in the shower and I answered. I let her know that you’d moved on…with me.”

I stared down at Natalie in horror. How had I never known what a hateful person she was? Although there was a reason for the saying: There is no fury like a woman scorned. I had no time for her bullshit any more though. I had to call Alexa back. I had to make her understand that Natalie lied, if she even answered her phone.

“Fuuuck,” I swore.

“Good luck with getting her back now.” Natalie laughed as she left. “Call me when you’re ready to talk. I’ll be waiting.”

I called Alexa no less than ten times in a row, not wanting to accept that her phone went to voicemail each time. Should I leave a message? Finally I decided I’d leave her yet another one. I’d left more than I could count for her since the day she’d walked out on me. “Alexa, it’s David. Please, call me back. Whatever Natalie told you was a lie. I didn’t even know she was here. She snuck in the house while I was in the shower and was waiting for me when I got out. She answered my phone so that she could fuck with you. Please, you have to believe me. Just—please call me back. I miss you. I love you. Fuck—Alexa you’re killing me. I need you. I saw the video. Don’t—“ My voice cracked. “I swear to you, I’ll do whatever it is that you need sexually to make you happy. Just please come back to me.” I hung up the phone and slumped to the ground. If she didn’t call me back, which I highly doubted she would after what Natalie had said, then my last hope was the P.I.

Chapter Fifty-Two

~Alexa

I sat solemnly getting my hair and makeup done for my first full-length film since announcing my planned return to porn. In the chair next to me Ginger was being prepared as well. The last couple of days, while staying at her and Brian’s house, I’d slept with her several more times, but I still hadn’t let Brian touch me. I didn’t know what was wrong with me but I was going to have to get over it fast.

“You ready for today?” Ginger asked with a smile. “I’ve been looking forward to it all week.”

“If you had to choose to only be with men or women for the rest of your life, which would you choose?” I asked, genuinely curious. Ginger just seemed way more into women then men, which made me wonder why she was in a relationship with a man. Or maybe it was the only way to have multiple women and still have a man. I didn’t know, that’s why I was asking her.

She shrugged. “I love Brian. But if he asked me to give up pussy I’d have to say see you later. I guess that means I’d choose women. How about you?”

“Men, definitely men.”

“Men or man?” Ginger said with a smirk. “Because you’ve been riding my face and licking me dry the past few days but not once have you wanted a piece of Brian. I think you’d pick David over everyone. Although selfishly I’m glad he’s out of the picture because otherwise you wouldn’t have been getting hot and heavy with me. I remember before him that you never did a woman off screen unless it was in the occasional threesome. Could us ladies have gotten so lucky as to have had him switch you completely? Maybe you’ll only do men on screen from now on, and stick to women in your private life.”

I clenched my jaw so tight it hurt. “I asked you not to mention his name to me ever again.”

“Sure, whatever. Just know my bed’s always open to you.” Ginger got up, her makeup and hair already done. “See you on set.” She grinned at me before sauntering off.

“See, that’s the real reason why I don’t date women, they’re all bitches,” I said under my breath. My stylist chuckled but didn’t say anything. When she was done a few minutes later I joined Ginger on set.

All the talent was standing around talking to our director Jimmy, and of course Tony, who was overseeing everything. “So,” Jimmy said to me. “First we’re going to film the club scene. We have a bunch of extras and everything ready to go. Then Sasha will seduce you, right on the dance floor, where Ginger will join in. Then we’ll film the hotel scenes, where the rest of the girls will join you. We’ll do the pool and shower scenes last so we don’t have to redo your hair after it gets wet.”

We all made our way over to the club set where strobe lights and corny porn music was filling in for house music. There were at least forty extras, which  was pretty impressive. “Now,” Jimmy called. “Alexa, you and Sasha start by dancing with each other in the center of the room. Let the rest happen organically when we start rolling.”

I nodded and grabbed Sasha’s hand. We’d worked together several times before and always had fun. She was a hard worker and because she was taller than me and a bit more buxom, I always felt thinner next to her, which I liked. “And rolling!” Jimmy called.

I started dancing with Sasha, moving my hands down her body sensually. I was pretending I really was in a club and I wanted to fuck this beautiful blonde in front of me. She kissed my neck and I sucked on her nipples through her dress. She moaned, arching into me. I slid my hand up the back of her thigh and into her already wet—

Suddenly my head was jerked back by my hair. “What the fuck?” I muttered, letting go of Sasha to come face to face with—David. I froze. He was dressed like the rest of the extras in club gear, so that explained how he’d gotten on set. I met his shockingly blue gaze and tensed. “You have no right to be here or to touch me.”

“I do. You’re mine, and you’re not fucking anyone—man or woman—but me. It’s just you and me, Alexa. Just the two of us.”

His lips came crashing down on mine and I had no choice but to open up for him. I sucked his tongue into my mouth and moaned as his taste and spicy scent surrounded me. Home… I was home. He lifted me up and I wrapped my legs around his waist. I’d missed him so much. So—so much. Tears began to track down my face even as I fumbled to open his pants. I needed him inside me—now. He walked with me still wrapped around him to the edge of the set where there was a wall. David dropped me to my feet and spun me around. He went to his knees and arched my ass back so he could suck my clit. “No one eats this pussy but me,” he growled against my flesh. My hands curled into the wall as I made animal like sounds. David slid up my body and plunged into me. I screamed and rocked back into him. He reached around me, one hand pinching my right nipple and the other dropped between my legs.

The man I loved was fucking me in front of all these people. I could feel all eyes on me. Just the thought pushed me over into one of the most intense orgasms of my life. My vision actually went dark for a minute. A moment later, David pulled out and pushed me to my knees so I could finish him off. I lovingly sucked him dry, while riding my hand for another orgasm.

After David came, he pulled me into his arms. “Alexa. I hope I just showed you that I’m willing to make films with you. They haven’t stopped rolling.” I glanced over to see Jimmy and Tony’s eyes focused on us, all the cameras pointed our way. I should have known that was the reason why no one stopped what had just gone down between David and I. “Be with me, be my wife. Whatever happened when you weren’t with me—I don’t care. But from now on, it’s just the two of us.”

I may have done a lot of dumb things in my life, leaving David being one of the biggest ones, but I wasn’t a complete idiot. I was going to take my second chance with him. I wasn’t going to question him about Natalie, or any other woman for that matter. What he’d done when we were apart was his business, and my fault. He was here, fighting for me, and I would fight for him. Even if my biggest obstacle was myself. I’d push all my fears aside to be with David because he was worth the risk. That and I was tired of being afraid. If I married him and tried to build a life with him and then everything fell apart, at least I could say I gave it my all. But, if things worked out—I could spend the rest of my days with the man I loved. Nothing else mattered anymore accept the possibility of that reality. I’d already found out what it would feel like to try and exist in a world post David, it was time to find out what it would truly be like to have him one hundred percent. This time around I wouldn’t let my neuroses and insecurities keep me from hanging on to him with everything I had. I may still think he should be with a better person than me—but I’d given him a chance at freedom from me. He’d come back, so he was all mine.

I looked up into his beautiful blue eyes and smiled. “Let’s go to Vegas.” I wanted to make David, my sexy geek--all mine officially. No more waiting.

“What for?”

“So we can get married today, dummy.” I smacked at his arm playfully.

“Done.” He picked me up in his arms and carried me off the set. People actually cheered. Which was saying a lot because people in the porn industry are generally a pretty jaded lot. I would know.

Epilogue

~David

Real love—true love—or whatever you want to call it isn’t about giving everything up or changing completely for the other person. It’s about compromise. You shouldn’t have to break, but bending is usually helpful. I wanted to be with Alexa and she wanted to be with me…  We just had to find a happy medium when it came to our sexual desires. You see, love isn’t purely physical, but it counts for something. Sex can be a physical expression of love, or it can mean nothing. It’s up for you to decide what you want out of the experience. I’d decided I wanted it all, and I wanted it with Alexa, of course.

“David!” Alexa called. “Ten minute count down!”

I glanced at the clock and swore under my breath. “I need to take a quick shower first. Go ahead and start without me. Why don’t you test out your new toy?”

“Okay.”

Fifteen minutes later I strode into our living room and smiled when I saw Alexa, my Alexa, my wife, spread eagle on the couch with her new vibrator buzzing between her legs. She was moaning while eyeing the webcam setup in front of her. There were another half dozen around her to capture different angles.

I strode up to her, buck-naked and stayed her hand. “I’m thinking that you might enjoy the real thing better.” Before she could say anything I hurled the vibrator across the room and went to my knees in front of her. I quickly maneuvered her to the side so the main camera had a better view of what I was doing. I, of course, was about to lick my wife’s pussy in front of millions of paying customers.

I’d bent for Alexa. She wanted exhibitionism, and I wanted her to only fuck me. We were now one of the most popular couples on the web. Guys ate up the idea of someone like me, a normal guy, being with a super hot chick like Alexa.  It gave all the nerds and geeks out there hope, or a least a better fantasy than they had before. Alexa claimed I was anything but a normal guy. She said I was her inked up, skinnier version of Clark Kent…and very geek chic. She definitely saw me through the eyes of a woman in love. I knew what I was, but was happy that Alexa saw me for something else entirely.

Porn of any kind wasn’t something I’d ever thought I’d do… But… To put it simply… Men are led by their hearts, but think with their dicks… and since Alexa owned all of my important organs, I’d really had no choice. Besides, I wasn’t going to complain about the fact that I was making a shit ton of money to have lots of sex with my wife. Really, it was pretty spectacular. Plus my documentary film on the porno industry had morphed into something much more. It had become a peek into our love story. People ate that kind of shit up. Yes, Alexa and I were quite satisfied with both our personal and career lives at the moment.

One day Alexa would have to give up the adult industry completely. She told me it would be when we decided to have kids. She thought that no one would want to see her after she gave birth, she was convinced she’d be completely undesirable. I, of course, told her that there was nothing that could steal her beauty. She’d merely laughed and told me that’s why she’d always be an exhibitionist for me, because one day when she was old and decrepit, I’d be the only one who’d want to see her. But she’d be fine with that since what I thought of her mattered most of all, and now she really only needed me to see her to not feel invisible.  Although she still loved everyone watching us…together. Alexa would have given everything up for me, but that’s why I could never really ask her to.

For now, we were just enjoying the ride. We were still relatively young, in love, and filthy rich. Life could definitely be a lot worse.

Acknowledgements

This is the part where I get to thank all the people who made this book possible. I really hope I don’t leave out someone important. I know I say something similar in all of my acknowledgements, but GEEEEEZE! The thought of forgetting to thank someone important is SUPER stressful. It’s like when your mind goes blank when trying to take an important test. *hides behind hands* But here I go anyways…as usual… EEP!

First I’d like to thank my amazing Hubby, who is supportive and patient beyond the realm of what I imagine any normal man is . . . dah dah da duuuh . . . Super Hubby! (Copy and paste! I’m just going to put that in every book because it makes him smile.)

Next I would like to thank my parents for encouraging my love of reading and crazy imagination during my most impressionable years. Carnegie Library rocks! (Again...copy and paste! Lol)

Then of course there’s my kick ass beta readers for Alexxxa: Kristin Bingham, Kellee Fabre, Shona Lawrence, and Tiffany Mahaffy. Thank you so for taking the time to read another of my books so quickly! It really humbles me how awesome you are to me! Love you!

Of course I need to thank Lindsay Tiry for her amazing cover design! She always goes above and beyond for me and puts up with all of my ‘notes’. Anyone who doesn’t know what that means...consider yourself lucky. Ha!

Let’s not forget Amy from The Eyes For Editing! She made all the prettiness possible that’s happening within these pages.

I’d like to give an extra special thanks to Ren Reidy for heading up the Tik Tok Press team, and for proofing Alexxxa. My books would probably disappear into the ether and have a ton of typos without you.

I’d also like to give a gi-normous, super extra special thanks to Megan D. Martin for editing Alexxxa. And also for making me laugh with your MS comments. One day I will not reference Superman in one of my books. Okay, we all know that’s a big fat lie. I’m obsessed.

And last but certainly not least: Thank you to all the Book Bloggers and fans who keep me going! I wouldn’t be anywhere if not for you guys! I love each and every one of you! Big Booky Hugs!

About the author

D.T. Dyllin is a Bestselling Romance Author who writes in both New Adult and Adult genres. She is a member of the RWA (Romance Writers of America) and also her local chapter, the MCRW (Music City Romance Writers).

D.T. was born and raised in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. (Black & Gold for life, baby!) She now lives in Nashville, Tennessee with her husband and two spoiled GSDs.

Table of Contents

Author’s Note:

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Nineteen

Chapter Twenty

Chapter Twenty-One

Chapter Twenty-Two

Chapter Twenty-Three

Chapter Twenty-Four

Chapter Twenty-Five

Chapter Twenty-Six

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Chapter Thirty

Chapter Thirty-One

Chapter Thirty-Two

Chapter Thirty-Three

Chapter Thirty-Four

Chapter Thirty-Five

Chapter Thirty-Six

Chapter Thirty-Seven

Chapter Thirty-Eight

Chapter Thirty-Nine

Chapter Forty

Chapter Forty-One

Chapter Forty-Two

Chapter Forty-Three

Chapter Forty-Four

Chapter Forty-Five

Chapter Forty-Six

Chapter Forty-Seven

Chapter Forty-Eight

Chapter Forty-Nine

Chapter Fifty

Chapter Fifty-One

Chapter Fifty-Two

Epilogue

Acknowledgements

About the author