TORRID AFFAIR

CALLIE ANDERSON

Contents

Part 1

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Part 2

Chapter 22

Chapter 23

Chapter 24

Chapter 25

Chapter 26

Chapter 27

Chapter 28

Part 3

Chapter 29

Chapter 30

Chapter 31

Chapter 32

Chapter 33

Chapter 34

Chapter 35

Chapter 36

Chapter 37

Epilogue

Acknowledgments

About the Author

Also by Callie Anderson

Copyright © 2016 Callie Anderson

All rights reserved.

No part of this book may reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without the written permission of the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review. This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Content Editor: Jennifer Roberts Hall www.indieafterhours.com

Line Editor: Brenda Lentendre

www.writegirl.com

Cover Designer: Sarah Hansen.

www.okaycreation.com

Let the fire burn

BLURB

I’m fucked.

The life I have lived for the past ten years is built solely on lies and secrets.

But I can’t help myself.

I’m in love with two different men. And one of them is my brother-in-law.

He’s my drug. My fire. My addiction.

But he’s married to my best friend. And I’m married to my husband.

I’m not ashamed. I have no guilt.

None.

I’m not only fucked. I’m a fucked up person.

This is the story of how I ruined my life.

And the life of the one I love most.

PART I

My life was a black hole.

Trapped in a loveless marriage, I was empty, numb. Oblivious to it all.

Until him.

He was the spark that brought me back from the abyss. He was my fire.

But our love was forbidden.

Between the lies, that fire began to take over my soul. That need to feel wanted had me escaping my life, running toward him no matter the consequences.

They say you shouldn’t play with fire.

But I needed to feel the burn.

CHAPTER 1

BRIELLE

PRESENT

I sit on my king-size bed and stare at the dull white wall. It’s the only surface in my bedroom I haven’t decided what to do with. When we moved into this apartment, Julian and I couldn't agree what to put there. At the time, I thought it was a perfect spot for a bassinet. Now I shake my head at the memory. Eight years have passed. Ten since he first knocked on my door.

I draw up my legs and rest my chin on my knee, the empty wine glass held up by my fingertips. My gaze is still glued to the two coats of eggshell paint that cover the drywall.  My throat suddenly tightens and I blink as a lone tear falls down my cheek.

He’s late.

Again.

The sad part is that I don’t have to look at the clock. I know it's past midnight. I feel it deep in my gut. Something is off. Something's always wrong when he’s late.

My heart races as I contemplate all the places he could be at this very moment, but the fading purple bruises on my arms and the scar on my left cheek remind me why I no longer let my mind go there.

I learned not to ask questions.

I glance down at my large diamond engagement ring that sits next to my wedding band and I lower my chin to my chest, swallowing back a sob. How is this a better life?

He came back for me. He was here when I needed him most. And I made a vow. So I look at my blank wall. It's a reminder of what I am. Empty and alone. Perhaps that’s the reason I choose not to do anything to it. It’s depressing, like my life.

Misery loves company.

My stomach churns. I’m desperate to know the time, so I pull my gaze away from the wall and over to my clock.

It's a quarter to one.

I pour myself another glass of Sauvignon Blanc.

My phone vibrates under the down comforter. The alcohol swooshes through my body and I’m woozy.  The bright light blurs my vision and I squint at the screen.

Julian: I’m running late. I’ll be home soon.

I scoff and toss my phone. He texts me now? It’s almost two in the morning. I reach toward my nightstand for the bottle of wine.

I don’t cry because I hate my life.

I don’t cry because I no longer know the person who stares back at me in the mirror.

I cry because I realize the wine bottle is empty.

I fall to the floor and let out a guttural scream as tears cloud my vision. I don’t deserve this. I wanted a different life. I had dreams!

I push myself off the floor and walk through the cold house. Reaching the bar, I open the bottle of Jameson and chug it back, letting the burn soothe my hurt. Anything to escape my reality.

Anything to make me feel numb.

I brush my lips with the back of my hand and focus on the art supplies I abandoned in the corner. After dinner I played with the canvas I was working on since Julian didn’t come home. A faint smirk touches my mouth.

Oh, how different my life was meant to be. I wanted to be an artist. The dream of majoring in art and moving to Europe to intern at the Louvre was also snatched away from me. I wanted to see the world. Instead, I worked at a local paint supply store where I, on occasion, painted wall murals in nurseries.

If I could go back and find that one crack, that first chip, the one that ultimately broke us . . .

Nathaniel.

Not a what, but a who. He shattered my heart and my soul.

He shattered me.

This is all his fucking fault.

My bare feet slap against the hardwood floor as I march to my paint. Though I feel the effects of the alcohol, I push past it and grab a brush and gallon. Half drunk, half depressed, I stumble back to my bedroom and toward the dull white wall.

Once I finish, I drop the brush and crawl back to bed. My head woozy, I pull the covers over my body. The hallway light flicks on and I know Julian is home. The second he steps into our bedroom I smell cheap perfume. He was with someone tonight. The musky scent of sex wafts through the air. New tears pool in my eyes.

I need to leave. I need to get out of here. But my own demons keep me here.

I keep my eyes closed as he undresses. The endless possibilities of where he has been begin to haunt me. When the shower turns on I go after him. I can't keep living like this.

I kick the door open and my gaze lands on his. I gasp. Not because he is standing over the sink regarding me like a trespasser, but because of the scratches on his back. I know those types of marks. They’re the ones you make on a man to let his wife know she's not the only woman he fucks.

My vision blurs. “You bastard.” The words slip out of my mouth. “Who is she?” My voice is hoarse.

Julian turns to face me. He’s naked and the sight of him makes my stomach turn. “It's not what you think.”

“I don't deserve this, you selfish prick! You’re a worthless excuse of a man!”

Julian's raises his hand. With one swift motion it collides with my face and tosses my head to the side. My cheek burns, and for a second I can't see.

“I’ve told you not to ask me anything. The job I have. The things I do, I do them for you.”

Exhausted and emotionally drained, I trudge back to my bed. Minutes pass before the comforter on the bed is pulled back. I hold my breath. I can’t stay here. I refuse to live like this anymore.  I don’t want to leave my home, but if Julian is ever to change, I need to face my fears.

I need to see Nathaniel.

The following morning, the sun peers through the window and warms my skin. I squint and notice that my bed is empty. Of course he’s gone. Wiping the sleep off my face, I look at the wall. It is no longer blank and empty, but vibrant red. I shake my head and immediately regret it as a piercing headache blurs my vision.  Why did I think alcohol would help?

My body aches as I roll out of bed and spot Julian’s clothes from last night piled on the floor. My stomach turns as I’m reminded of his scent. Dashing to the bathroom, I wash my face and pop two Advil into my mouth to soothe my headache.

I emerge from the bathroom dragging my feet, and stop at the wall. This is the moment of clarity. No. I shake my head in disbelief. I can’t—no, I refuse—to live like this.

For ten years I’ve avoided my past. For ten years I’ve given Julian my all. But enough is enough. I’m going back. Though it will kill me and open wounds that have never fully healed, Nate is the only one he will listen to.

I inhale all the air my lungs will take. With my head high and my shoulders back, I march into my closet and pull out my suitcase.

CHAPTER 2

BRIELLE

11 YEARS AGO.

I felt as if I had run a marathon. No, an Iron Man. Those were more excruciating. I was exhausted but my roommate, Delaney, insisted we unpack and put away all our stuff before class started. She also convinced me to move into the dorm a week earlier than she needed to. Her classes didn’t start until the following Monday, so there was no need for her to move in right away. My classes started Day One of the semester, so I’d planned to drive back to campus, leave my crap in boxes, sleep in, and order out.

She was a pain in my ass but I loved her like my sister.

Delaney had been my roommate for the past three years and was a complete neat freak. Which was probably why we got along. I, myself, had a few OCD tendencies but neatness was not one of them.

The alarm on my phone began to ring and I wished I had twenty more minutes, or a few hours. I inhaled as I willed my body to wake up.

“For the love of God.” Delaney’s groggy voice lets me know she was as tired as I was.

“Sorry, Del.” I hit the off button on the alarm and stretched my hands over my body. “You’re the one who wanted to move in yesterday,” I reminded her.

“You’re the only person I know who likes morning classes,” Delaney complained as she pulled the covers to her chin.

I sat up, wiping the sleep from my eyes. “It’s the only time Professor Comeau teaches it.”

I heard her breathing slow and I knew she had fallen back asleep. I tiptoed to the dresser and pulled out my clothes before heading to the communal bathroom. It was really early for class, but that meant the showers were empty and I was able to stay under the hot water for a few extra minutes.

Once I was dressed, I headed back to my room to drop off my bathroom caddy, double check which side of campus we were meeting on for class, and grab my bag. To my surprise, there was a new email from my mother. Not only was it too early for class but it was definitely too early to read what my mother had to say. She only emailed me with bad news. I moved the mouse past her email and clicked on the one from Professor Comeau that stated our meet location had changed to the Bissell House.

“Bissell House?” I whispered.

“Literally across campus,” Delaney huffed.

“Did I wake you again?”

“No, I snoozed for a bit but I can’t get comfortable.  I probably need to get used to getting up early. I promised my mother that this semester she would see all A’s and I really need to get my shit together.” She yawned and sat up on her bed. Her raven hair was pin straight so it appeared almost blue, and her dark gray eyes were shaped like almonds, making her look exotic.

“We’ll see how long that lasts.” I smirked. Every semester she tried to get up early and get ahead of her classes. It usually lasted two weeks before she started waking up ten minutes before class began.

“Whatever. You’re the one who’ll be late.” She stuck her tongue out at me.

“Late?” I looked down at the clock. I still had thirty minutes before class started.

“Bissell is across campus and University City Blvd has a lane closed because they’ve been doing construction all summer. Now you have to cut through campus with all the new freshman who have no idea where they’re going, which means traffic chaos. Hence, you’ll be late.”

Crap! “Shit!” I slammed my laptop closed, grabbed my stuff, and headed out of the dorm. There were two things I hated in life: lies and tardiness.

The warm Charlotte air still carried a scent of summer. Moving here from Chicago was a drastic weather change. I didn’t mind the heat, but I missed the fall months, the cool, crisp morning air that let you know winter was coming. It was the end of August and I was in a T-shirt and shorts due to the eighty-plus-degree weather.

Delaney was dead on about the traffic through campus. My fingers gripped the steering wheel tighter. A seam of sweat began to build down my spine, and my knee bounced up and down as the stress of arriving late started to rear its ugly head.

A few minutes later, I pulled into Bissell House. To my luck, there was a parking spot available. I released my death grip on the steering wheel and activated my blinker. Just as I began to turn the wheel, a Ford Explorer cut in front of me and took my spot.

“Seriously!” I shouted. The jackass hopped out of his car and strode past my car like nothing ever happened. “Are you kidding me! That was my freaking spot!”

“My bad,” was all he said and then continued to walk.

It took another ten minutes before I found an open spot and met up with the rest of the class.  This was not how I wanted to start the semester.

“Every building has a style and its own history,” Professor Comeau explained to the class, which gathered around him in a half circle. His back was to the Bissell House as he continued. “Not only will you learn to read buildings, but you’ll know why they were built and for whom.” I stopped and stood toward the rear. “You.” He paused and pointed at me. The entire class followed his finger and I was greeted with their gazes, including the ass who took my parking spot. Of course he was in this class. Why else would anyone be at the Bissell House so early in the morning? “Is eight a.m. too early for you?”

I cleared my throat. “No, sir. It was a parking issue.” My gaze pulled away from the older man with the gray hair and a bushy beard and landed on the guy who had taken my parking spot. “It won’t happen again.” I crossed my arms over my chest.

Professor Comeau continued with the syllabus, but parking spot stealer continued to stare at me. For the first time I stopped mentally cursing him and actually admired him. He was taller than anyone else in the class, lean, dressed in a graphic T-shirt and worn out jeans. His dark hair was trimmed short, and once my gaze focused on his eyes I couldn’t stop gawking. They were light green with hazel specks floating in them. Thank you, God, for blessing me with perfect vision. His eyes were captivating. The most beautiful things I had ever seen.

He gently licked his lips and smiled.

All the anger I had toward him vanished in thin air. This perfect man could have my parking spot any time he wanted as long as he smiled at me.

People began to move and someone bumped into me, shaking me out of his hold. I blinked and forced my legs to move. Professor Comeau had assigned us to study the Bissell House and four other buildings on campus. Two hours of staring at buildings and appreciating them? This would be the easiest class I had ever taken at UNC.

I took out my notepad and began to sketch everything I noticed about the building. Its four white columns, the double chimneys, the perfectly trimmed and manicured garden. I was counting the windows when I felt his presence near me. I swallowed the ball of nerves that had coiled in my throat and looked up at him.

Crap, he was hot. Very freaking hot.

“Yes?” I questioned when he didn’t speak. I gnawed on the inner part of my lip as I waited for him to say something.

A grin grew on his face and I squeezed my grip on my pen until my fingernails were digging into my palm. How had I been on campus for three years and never noticed him?

“I’m sorry.” He shrugged. “If I’d known you would be late for class, I wouldn’t have taken your spot.” He was apologizing, but all I could focus on was the way his voice made the butterflies in my stomach triple in size.  I blamed the dizziness and gawking on the fact I was exhausted.

“It’s . . . D-Don’t,” I stuttered. “No biggie.” I inhaled and blinked nervously.

“I’m Nathaniel. Nathaniel Wright.”

I felt my cheeks flush. “Is this where you tell me that you’re Mr. Wright or Mr. Right Now?” I lifted my chin toward him and grinned. “Please don’t tell me that’s your pick up line.” I giggled.

“No.” He chuckled. “My pick up line is more profound.”

“Really?” I widened my eyes. “I must hear this.” I turned to face him.

He cleared his throat in preparation. “Excuse me. How much does a polar bear weigh?”

“Ahh.” I bit my lower lip contemplating my answer. “I don’t know.”

“Enough to break the ice.” He smiled and extended his hand. “I’m Nate.”

“Brielle.” I couldn’t hold back the smile that grew on my face as I reached for his hand.

“Brielle,” he repeated my name. “It fits you.”

“How so?”

“It’s unique and beautiful.” He winked. “Just like you.”

Guys. Most were cocky, arrogant and over the top. My eyes rolled. “You just can’t stop it, can you?”

“Stop what?”

“Your terrible one-liners.” I shoved my notepad back in my bag and turned to walk away. “Have a good day, Nathaniel Wright.” I did find him charming. Even if it was only a tad bit.

“Wait!”

His footfalls grew closer behind me. I turned and was greeted with his tall frame. His hand ran through his low cut hair and he gnawed his lower lip for a few seconds before he spoke again.

“Come on, let me take you out? It’s the least I can do since I took your parking spot.”

I shifted my weight from one foot to the other. I hadn’t been out with someone since I broke up with Trent last semester. “I—I . . . uh . . .” Clearly, I was developing a stutter around this guy.

“Do you have a boyfriend?”

“No. Do you have a girlfriend?” I retorted.

“No.” He shook his head in defense. “Just figured you were thinking of a way to let me down easy.” Nate stepped closer. He smelled as though he’d just stepped out of the shower, fresh with a hint of cologne. It was manly but not overpowering. “Come on, Brielle. Have dinner with me?”

I sighed. “Fine. I’ll go out with you, Wright.” How could I say no?

He pressed both of his hands under his chin as though he was about to pray. “So, my pick up line worked after all.”

“Seriously! You’re pushing your luck, buddy.” I shook my head, but my cheeks hurt from grinning. “Unreal.”

“Does tomorrow work?”

“Yeah. I get off work at seven. Just tell me where to meet you.”

“I can pick you up.” His tongue slid across his lip, causing my stomach to twist.

“I’ve seen you drive, so there is no way I’m getting in a car with you.” I smiled and patted his chest. “Plus, you could be a stalker. I don’t want you to know where I work or live.”

“Fair enough.” He lifted his hands in defeat. “DefyGravity, eight o’clock.” Nate gave me one last boyish smile before he turned and walked away.

I sucked my lower lip between my teeth to hide my excitement. Maybe this was going to be a good year.

NATHANIEL

I walked away from Brielle, knowing this class was now my favorite. There was something about her that piqued my interest. I blamed her short shorts that hugged her small waist.

I’d originally planned to withdraw from the class. I’d already studied every building on this campus when I took a similar class at the community college, so I showed up because I needed a signature from Professor Comeau to drop the class. But after my encounter with Brie, I walked back to my car and headed over to the financial aid office to make sure I was covered for it.

The line was out the door with students who had issues with registration and others who wanted to add or drop classes. I thought I’d beat the rush, but when there were at least twenty people in front of me I knew I’d be here for most of the morning.

Slowly, everyone began to move up the line. I was next to be called when a buddy of mine from high school came by to chat.

“Hey, man.” He extended his hand. “I didn’t know you were coming here.”

“Yeah.” I shifted my weight from one foot to the other. “This is my first semester.”

“How’s Julian?”

“Good. He’s around here somewhere.” Unlike me who fucked around for a year, Julian had come to UNCC right out of high school.

“I’m having a party at the frat house Thursday night. Come through.” Rick had always been known for the craziest house parties. Once he convinced every sorority and fraternity to cancel their parties so no one else would go anywhere but to his home.

“I just made plans.” I shrugged. “Maybe next time.” I had two years left in college and I refused to fuck it up now.

“Of course you have a date. Still the same Nate who hooks up with all the bitches.” That was a lie. I was simply a friendly guy.

“Next!” a female voice shouted from the small office.

“I’ll catch you around, Rick.” I held my financial aid papers and marched toward the office.

CHAPTER 3

BRIELLE

I WAS CLOCKING out of Dr. Carmack’s office with an hour to spare. It had been the longest four-hour shift I worked in my life. My eyes kept wandering to the clock on the screen as each second dragged.

Why was I this excited about seeing Nathaniel?

For the past three school years, I’d worked at Dr. Carmack’s dental office near campus as his receptionist. During the summer break his wife Maureen covered my shift. Most of his patients were university students who went back home for the summer, so his schedule was light.

I pulled my duffle bag out from under my desk, shut off the computer, and then walked to the bathroom to change out of my Mickey Mouse scrubs. Running my fingers through my wild curls, I attempted to tame the beast. It’s only a date, I reminded myself.

I drove through the traffic of University Drive and pulled into DefyGravity. I circled the parking lot and, to my surprise, Nate was standing in the only empty spot. When he noticed my car approaching, he scooted out of the way and let me slide in.

A new wave of butterflies fluttered in my stomach and I couldn't help but smile. It had been so long that I’d forgotten what a first date felt like. The tingling in my stomach. The rush of adrenaline that coursed through me. The constant need to make sure I didn't make a complete ass of myself. It was terrifying and exhilarating all at once. It was a feeling that never lasted for long, so when you did experience it you held your breath and hoped it wouldn’t go away.

I grabbed my purse and hopped out of the car. “Aww, you’re sweet.” I beamed.  ”You saved me a parking spot.”

A boyish grin grew on his face. “It’s the least I can do.”

The damn butterflies felt as if they were in my throat. What was it about him that had me absolutely smitten? “DefyGravity . . . I’ve never been here.” I studied the long brick building behind him. I was trying not to focus on how delicious he looked in his Chuck Taylors and crisp white T-shirt. A breeze was blowing, which sent a waft of his cologne in my direction.

“There’s nothing to it. You just jump on some trampolines.” He extended his arm to me. “Shall we?” I nodded, afraid my words would fail me, and laced my arm through his.

I followed Nate as he led us toward the entrance. “How was work?” he asked and slowed so we could walk the remainder of the path together.

“It was . . . work.” I giggled nervously. “It’s extra cash.”

“What do you do?”

“I work at a dental office. Nothing fancy.” My gaze locked with the tantalizing green hue of his eyes. With the reflection of his white shirt, they reminded me of the Caribbean. Mesmerizing.

“Do you work?” I forced the words out of my mouth when I realized I’d been deep in thought about his eye color.

“No. I do a co-op with a local construction company. Nothing major, but I get a few bucks in tips that help.” A man who knew how to use his hands. I felt my cheeks burn as I tried to remove the image of him building something.  ”I actually major in architecture,” he stated as he approached the counter to buy our tickets.

“Oh, that’s cool. I guess the appreciation of buildings come in handy.”

DefyGravity was a large open warehouse with black and red trampolines scattered throughout the room. Some people were jumping, while others played basketball or dodgeball. In the back corner were two large trampolines that let you jump or flip into a foam pit.

We put our belongings in a locker and headed toward the empty basketball court. Nate threw a small ball at me. “Do you play?” he asked when I caught the ball.

“I’d compare my skills to Kobe Bryant,” I joked, and he raised his brows. “No, I don’t play.”

He motioned for me to throw the ball toward him. “Here’s the deal.” He jumped over to the basket. “You have to jump up and dunk the ball in.” He jumped up and put the ball in the net to demonstrate. “We’ll take turns. For every shot you make, you can ask me something.” He tossed the ball back at me. “Deal?”

Holding the kid-sized red ball in my hand, I ran toward the basket, jumped straight up and dunked it the way he had. “Deal.”

“Impressive.” He cocked his head to the side.

Nate took the ball from me and hopped twenty feet away. He sprinted forward, swept the ball around his body, and dunked it.

“Show off.” I grabbed the ball from where it had rolled on the trampoline. I stood a few feet away from the basket and rested my hand on my hip. “Your question?”

“Where are you from?”

I inhaled and closed my eyes. I hated talking about my life. “Outskirts of Chicago,” I answered quickly and ran toward the basket. I jumped as high I could, kicked open my legs to make my dunk look fancy, and slammed the ball in.

“Okay.” Nate nodded, appreciating my skills.

“You said you’re majoring in architecture. How much longer until you graduate?”

“Four semesters.”

“Oh, so you’re a junior.”

“That’s two questions.”

“Technically, it wasn’t a question.”

“I’ll let it slide on the technicality.”

“Whatever.” I threw the ball at him. “Dunk away.”

Like he had done before, he ran toward the basket and slammed it in. “Favorite movie?”

“Die Hard,” I answered softly, my eyes narrowing at his. I knew there was another question coming.

“The first one?”

I scrunched my nose together and shook my head. “Third, With A Vengeance,” I stated matter-of-factly.

“Yippee ki-yay mother fucker!” Nate said, quoting Bruce Willis.

“My father and I used to watch it all the time when I was a kid.” My father hadn’t been a father in a long time. Hell, I couldn’t even remember the last time I spoke to him.

“You okay?”

“Yeah.” I nodded my head. “That was three questions, by the way.”

As Nate and I continued to jump around, I learned he’d lived in North Carolina most of his life, had a younger brother, his favorite color was red, and he hated blue cheese.

An hour after we began, we found ourselves sitting at the snack shack. “Is your hair naturally curly?” he asked, brushing a tendril back.

I jerked away and patted my hair down. “I probably look like Medusa right now.” I tried to push down the baby hairs I was sure were sticking out. “But yes, it is. I call it the uncontainable beast.”

“I like it.” His tongue ran across his lips and I couldn’t help but gawk. When Nate noticed my blatant stare I shook my head.

“My roommate jokes at the amount of time I spend getting it to look decent. “

“Do you dorm?” I nodded. “Multiple roommates?”

“No, just one.” I shook my head. “I tried more than one my first semester. It’s cheaper but it was hell. Three girls, one tiny room . . . I’m surprised there wasn’t a murder.”

Nate chuckled. “Nothing a pillow fight couldn’t solve, I’m sure.”

“Yes, in our panties.” I slapped his arm. “Do you live on campus?”

“No. Me and a couple of buddies rent a house on the other side of town.”

The waiter delivered our food and I picked at my cheese fries. “Do you come here often?” I asked before taking a sip of my Coke.

“It’s probably bad to admit it, especially since I’m hoping for more than one date with you, but yes. I come here any chance I can.”

I giggle. “Is there a reason why?”

“It’s like jumping on your bed. As a kid I never got to do that.” His voice lowered an octave. He swallowed and his gaze pulled away from mine. His lips formed a flat line.

“Never?”

There was a spark of some indefinable emotion in his eyes when he met my gaze. “You’re not ready for the ugly truth. Not yet.” A shiver ran up my spine and I knew not to press the subject. I stretched my legs. “Jumping is exhausting.”

“We don’t have to go back in.”

“No.” I shook my head and looked over to the foam pit. “I still need to flip into that.”

He stole a fry from my plate. “Front or back flip?”

“Front,” I said proudly. “With a chance of a concussion.”

Nate chuckled. “I’ll be there to catch you.”

My breathing slowed as I looked at him. “Will you?”

“Yes.” He pushed his chair back. “Come on.”

I coiled my hand with his and closed my eyes. “Let’s do it.”

We stood on the ledge, where a few feet below us, a massive pool was filled with cut up squares of foam. “This is really high.” I took a step back.

“You can’t back out now.” Nate pulled me closer to him. “Have you flipped into a pool before?” I nodded. “This is no different. Come on, we’ll do it on three.”

I bit my lip. “’Kay . . .”

We moved closer to the edge and Nate began to count. “One . . . Two . . . Three!”

I squealed and then jumped. I forced my body forward and flipped onto the foam, landing on my back. My body tingled as I opened my eyes. Nate lay next to me. Glancing over at him, I began to laugh. My hands covered my face.

“I can’t believe I did it!”

Nate shuffled through foam blocks until his face was near mine and our gazes locked. “Do you feel that?” Nate asked in a low husky voice.

My teeth nibbled my lower lip. “What?”

“This thing between us.”

“A little,” I lied. I felt every shred of this thing between with us.

Nate leaned his face forward. For a brief second I hoped he was about to kiss me. Closing my eyes, I waited for his lips to touch mine.

“Come on, guys!” someone shouted at us. “We’ve got to keep the line moving.”

Nate cleared his throat and my glance landed on the employee who had instructed us to move. My cheeks flushed at the realization that someone was watching us. I maneuvered through the foam and climbed up the ladder to get out of the pit.

“What do you say we hit some arcade games?” Nate asked as he reached out his hand to help.

“Sure.”

I gnawed on the inside of my lip as I wondered if he really was going to kiss me or if it was all my imagination. This was what sucked about a first date. I was having a great time but for all I knew Nate was counting down the seconds until he could ditch me. It was the not knowing. The power one controlled over you. It caused the butterflies in your stomach to flap their wings and make you crazy.

Later that night, Nate walked me to my car, his hand laced with mine.

“This is me.” I reached in my purse and pulled out my keys. He released my hand and turned to face me, reached up and twirled a curl around his finger. An innocent touch, but one that was powerful. His green eyes were glued to mine and I felt as though I was his prisoner.

“Thank you for tonight,” he whispered as he closed the gap between us.

I cleared my throat so my voice didn’t wobble. “I had fun.”

The prolonged anticipation was almost unbearable. “Goodnight,” he muttered and licked his lips.

I opened my mouth to wish him goodnight but he leaned in. Half of his lips captured half of mine and I closed my eyes, hoping he would kiss me. But instead, he pulled away. A grin grew on his face and my eyebrows furrowed.

“That’s half a kiss.” His thumb brushed along my bottom lip. “Now you’ll have to go out with me again to get the other half.”

My heart jolted and my pulse began to pound. I turned to open my car door but my feet felt as if they were drifting along on a cloud. I was high from a simple half kiss.

“’Night, Nathaniel.”

I pulled out of the parking lot, dazed and feeling intoxicated. I didn’t remember getting home or walking to my room, but when I shut the door and leaned back against it, I sighed.

“Late night?” Delaney asked. She sat on her bed with her laptop open.

“Something like that.” I brought my hand to my lips, remembering my half kiss. I knew from the ache on my cheeks that I had been smiling the entire way home.

Delaney slammed her laptop shut. “Were you just out with someone?”

“No. Maybe. Sorta.” I beamed and strolled further into the room.

Delaney fell forward on the bed and held her head up with her hands. “Spill it!”

“No.” I fell back on my bed dramatically.

“Come on, Brie. You won’t jinx it if you tell me about it,” she joked.

“Not yet.” I bit my lower lip and looked over at her. “This one was kind of different.”

“You like him?”

“I think I might.”

NATHANIEL

Brielle was the reason I’d fail my first college class. One night out with her and I was hooked. I couldn’t push her out of my head. She drove away and already I was planning when I’d see her again.

As I got in my car and drove home, I mentally kicked myself for not kissing her. I should have enveloped her in my arms and kissed her the way I desperately wanted, but it wasn’t only a kiss I wanted, nor her body. It was her personality that hooked me. Like a lion hunting its prey, I was determined to know everything about her. The way she joked and smiled—there was something so simple yet utterly beautiful about her smile. The night had finished too quickly and I needed to see her again.

I parked my car behind Jake’s in the driveway and walked inside what I called home. I shared a small three-bedroom Cape Cod with three of my high school football buddies: Jake, Stu, and Lenny. The place reeked of sex, beer, and dirty laundry, but the rent was cheaper than living on campus.

I had fucked up in high school; fights, suspension and a few bad grades that resulted in me starting college a year late, and a bunch of remedial classes that had me on the five-year college plan. Julian, my kid brother, had been lucky enough to earn a few scholarships that helped with his tuition fee. I hated that our mother had to pay for both of us when Julian deserved it more than me. He was the good kid.

Walking into the kitchen, I emptied the trash and cleaned up the dishes before heading to my room. Since I’d volunteered to keep the house organized, I was given the bigger bedroom as a trade-off. Lenny and Stu shared a room since they didn’t mind sharing anything, including girls.

I pulled my wallet and phone out of my pocket and laid them on the nightstand. My phone flashed with an unread message but I didn’t get my hopes up. I hadn’t given Brielle my phone number. Yet another stupid thing I had done tonight.

I flipped my phone and noticed I had a text message.

I can’t wait to see you!

Sighing, I tossed my phone on the dresser. I didn’t reply to her message. She wasn’t the person I wanted to talk to.

CHAPTER 4

BRIELLE

I HAD ALMOST two full years left of school but I planned to finish it a full semester early. I wanted to get out of here as soon as possible. When I first enrolled, I picked accounting as my major. I figured it would be easy to get a job, and since we all had to pay taxes every year I’d always have work. But it wasn’t my passion. My second semester I took art as a free elective and realized I wanted to do something I loved, so I changed my major. It put me back a few credits, but it was my chance to do something that made me happy.

The second I had my diploma in my hands, I would be sending out resumes to any European museum that would hire me. But this also meant I had to spend every free second studying to stay ahead of my plan. I piled on extra classes, and even while I was answering calls at Dr. Carmack’s office, I had a textbook out.

Two days after my date with Nate, I sat in the library going over my biology notes when Delaney pulled out the chair next to me. Unlike me, she majored in accounting and would take the full four years to finish. She also had the advantage of taking summer sessions, which I couldn’t afford.

“What are you doing tomorrow night?” She placed her bottle of water on the wooden table and pulled out a Snickers bar. “And don’t say homework. We’ve been in school for three days. There is no way you have homework.”

“I’m studying.”

“What are you studying? You haven’t even been to all of your classes.” She took a bite of her candy before I snatched it out of her hand and took my own bite of it.

“You know I do this every year. I study, do my class work ahead of schedule, and I don’t do anything on Saturday nights but study.”

I sat back on the chair as she pulled another bar from her purse. Delaney was obsessed with chocolate. “Brie—”

“What do you need?” I couldn’t help but smile.

“Come with me to the first game of the season?” She pressed both of her hands under her chin. “Please?” She pouted. “Pretty please?”

“Why do you want me to go with you?” Delaney lived for college football. She’d been going with her father and older brothers since she was a kid, and she never asked me to go. Football wasn’t my thing. Usually her requests were limited to term papers she needed me to do for her, or notes from a class I took before her.

Delaney shrugged. “I asked Moose to meet me there.”

“Moose?” I giggled and tossed the empty wrapper at her. “I’m sorry, Del, but when have you ever needed me to be your wing girl?” Delaney was notorious for getting any guy she wanted. She was brains and beauty. The complete package.

“This one is different.” Her eyebrows bunched together. “I’ve known Moose since high school. He’s a few years older and he was in community college but recently transferred to UNC. I bumped into him at the bookstore and we got to talking about my brothers since he knew them. And . . .” She gnawed on her lower lip. “I asked him to go to the first game.”

“Fine.” I wanted to meet the guy who had Delaney all flustered.

She pushed her chair back. “You’re the best!” She leaned in and hugged me. “I owe you so big for this.” She grabbed her water and skipped out of the library.

Saturday night I was dressed and ready for my first football game. I slid my feet into my Chuck Taylors, tossed my hair into a high, messy bun, and then followed her out of our dorm room.

Delaney picked at her cuticles as we passed the ticket booth and headed toward the concession stand. I looked over at her and smiled.

“This is new.”

“What’s new?” Her eyes widened and her hand rushed to her hair.

“You're nervous about a guy.” I pulled her hand away from her head. “And you look great. Stop messing with your hair.”

“I'm not nervous. Moose is great and we hung out a few times when we were in high school. I have a feeling he and I can really hit it off, you know?”

“Oh, it's like that,” I joked.

“Stop teasing, Brie. I've had this crush on Moose since I was a freshman in high school. I don't want him to still see me as a little girl.” Her lips puckered and she leaned forward so only I could hear her. “He's so freaking hot. Like hot sex dipped in chocolate, then covered with nuts, hot. Every girl’s dream.”

I looked up at her with wide eyes. Delaney was never one to speak about a guy this way. Yes, she had her casual hookups here and there, but this was new. She seemed to really care about this guy. “You know he’d be stupid not to be with you.”

“Thanks, Brie. This is why I love you. You keep me sane.” She laced her arm with mine and placed her head on my shoulder as we walked toward the bleachers.

The sun had set over the horizon and the dark night sky descended on the field. The band played for the crowd as the cheerleaders got the crowd excited. It was then that I spotted Nate with a group of his friends. My stomach coiled as his gaze met mine. A grin grew on his face and I knew it matched the one I had.

“There he is,” Delaney whispered. Oblivious to whom she was pointing, I kept my focus on Nate. My heart accelerated as I thought about our kiss. How his hand brushed away my hair, and how his eyes were like lost emeralds.

He ran his hand through his hair and strolled toward us. Delaney released my hand and skipped toward him. Her arms entwined around his neck and my heart stopped.

Fuck.

It couldn't be.

“Brie!” Delaney shouted and motioned me over. My gaze was locked with his and I felt as if my legs were stuck in cement. What were the chances? “Brielle!” Delaney shouted and I snapped out of the Twilight Zone. The guy who had given me the best first kiss in the history of first kisses was like every other guy.

A jerk.

A liar.

And a major douche.

I walked closer to where they stood. Delaney had her arms wrapped around his lean body and I swallowed the urge to puke.

“Brie, this is Moose. Moose, this is my bestie and roommate, Brie.”

“Hi, Brie.” He extended his hand. His voice was husky and manly, just as I remembered.

“Hi . . . Moose.” I looked down at his hand and shoved mine in my pockets.

Delaney beamed between us. “Now that you two have met, let's find some good seats.”

Nate—Moose—held my gaze for a few seconds longer but I shook my head and followed Del into the stands.

People around us cheered and hollered as the players and coaching staff ran onto the field, but I barely noticed. My heart raced in my chest, each beat laced with disappointment, hurt, and anger.

He lied to me.

Asshole.

My stomach turned and I knew I needed to get out of there. I cocked my head to the side and glanced at Delaney.

“Del, I think I’m going to head home.”

“What?” She looked over at me.

“I’m leaving.”

“No!” Her eyes were wide. “You can’t leave!”

“I have a really bad migraine forming and this is only making it worse,” I lied. Through my peripheral vision, I could see that Nate was looking over at us.

“Okay.” She pouted. “But can I run over to Sara really quick?” She pointed a few rows in front of us. “I need to ask her if I can borrow her accounting notes, and then I’ll walk you to your car.”

“I can walk to the car by myself,” I assured her. I didn’t want Nate to tag along.

“Uh, my keys are in the car and I doubt I’ll be coming home tonight.” She winked and my stomach turned, images of the two of them together filling my head.

“Fine. Make it quick and then we can run to the car. I don’t want you to keep Moose waiting.”

Delaney gave me a wide smile and ran toward Sara. Each passing second felt like hours. This was much worse than being the third wheel on their date.

Nate cleared his throat and I swallowed back the ball of nerves lodged in my throat. I had so much to say him, but nothing that made any sense. I wasn’t his girlfriend. It was one date. And I still hadn’t processed why I was so upset.

“Brielle,” the asshole said.

“Don’t.” I shook my head; my gaze refused to meet his. His tall body shifted as he stood.

“Let me explain.”

I scoffed and looked up at him. “That’s rich.” I inhaled all the air my lungs would allow. “Explain what? That you’re a liar? That you told me you weren’t seeing anyone when you took me out? Please, feel free to explain how you half kissed me with a promise of another date while you’re seeing my best friend?” I paused for a moment, raising my hand when he opened his mouth to speak.

“Talk about coincidence, huh? I bet you didn’t think this was how your night would go, did you?” He licked his lips seductively like he had done so many times before. “Listen, it’s simple. You’re a liar and, if anything, you did me a favor because you would probably turn out to be a disappointment.”

“Ouch,” he muttered. “Brielle?” I hated the way he said my full name.

“What?” I snapped.

The crowd around us roared over something on the field.  His lips parted and he shook his head gently.

“Whatever,” I said in disbelief.

I moved past him and made my way toward Delaney. I hesitated and then turned back to him.” And you want to know something else?” He cocked his head to the side. “Moose is the stupidest nickname I’ve ever heard. Completely. Stupid.”

I didn’t wait for him to reply, stomping down each metal step until I reached Del. We walked back to my car and she hugged me goodnight before she grabbed her keys. I slid into my car and slammed my fist onto the steering wheel.

Why did I care?

It was a stupid date. One stupid date.

CHAPTER 5

NATHANIEL

FUCK.

She was Delaney’s best friend.

Roommate.

I fucked up.

Bad.

Fuck.

How had I been so careless?

Delaney and I had hung out a few times with some other other friends before the semester started. I didn’t see any harm in coming to the game with her. Brielle and I had already gone out on one date, and even though I couldn’t stop thinking about her, I figured it was just a football game. But when Delaney said she was bringing her roommate, I never in a million years imagined it was the same girl I couldn’t get out of my mind for the past forty-eight hours.

The crowd cheered over a pass on the field as I shook my head with anger. The way she looked at me with disgust when she noticed me . . . It was an image I couldn’t get out of my head.

Fuck.

I tried to apologize, but she shot me down and didn’t let me explain. This wasn’t the type of man I was.

Okay, maybe that was a lie.

But I really liked Brielle.

“Fuck!” I shouted. A few people standing in the row below me turned around and I apologized.  ”My bad.”

Hopping off the bleacher, I started to walk. I knew Brielle wouldn’t hear me out now, but I’d get her to talk to me in class. The only thing I wanted to do now was find Delaney, tell her something came up, and then head home.

Coward move, I know.

I spotted Delaney walking toward me, and her smile widened when she noticed me. She was stunning, I couldn’t deny that. Most of the guys we knew would kill to be with her, including me. But then I met Brielle.

I pushed those thoughts out of my head when Delaney approached. “I’m sorry.” She shrugged and pouted her lips. “Brie isn’t a big fan of football. I knew I was pushing my luck when I asked her to come.” She reached for my hand and I gave her mine. “We can head back.” She nodded toward the game.

“Actually . . .” I paused for a second. I wanted to tell her I was heading home but then I realized it wasn’t Delaney’s fault. “You want to get out of here?”

Her eyes widened as she smiled brightly. “I’d love that.”

“Come on.” I tugged on her hand to follow me. “I know just the place.”

Mario’s Pizzeria was empty. This was a rare occasion, but most of the student body and regulars were at the game.

“What can I get you two?” the man asked.

I looked over at Delaney. “I’ll have a plain slice and a bottle of water, please.” She looked up at me and smiled.

I placed my order and then walked over to the fridge cooler and pulled out my Coke and her water.  Delaney slid into a booth and I joined her.

“I’ve never seen this place so empty,” she stated before she took a sip of her water.

“This town becomes a ghost town when there’s a game.” I coiled my fingers and rested them on the wood table.

“How come you never pursued your football career?”

“I wasn’t that good.” I chuckled. “I only liked football because I got to hit people.”

“I thought you were great.” A grin grew on her face.

A waiter slid our pizza in front of us and I folded mine in half. “Your brothers were great,” I reminded her. “I was mediocre at best.”

Delaney was the youngest of the Pratt family—football royalty. Her father had the chance of playing professional until he tore his ACL his senior year at Ohio State, but he went on to raise two boys who led our high school to championships every season they played. Her oldest brother, RJ, was the third draft pick this year.

“Yeah.” She smiled. “I think my mother was over the moon when I came along. She finally had someone who wasn’t going to play.”

Delaney and I sat at Mario’s until the crowds from the game began. We talked about her family, high school, and what we were up to now. I didn’t kiss her that night when I dropped her off.

But I did agree to see her again.

CHAPTER 6

BRIELLE

THE FEW DAYS following the football game, I found any reason not to hang around our dorm room. If Delaney was coming in, I was heading out. I sat around in the common room until late at night before heading back to crawl in bed. I didn't want to give her a chance to tell me about her new beau. I shouldn't have cared about her seeing Nate; it was one stupid date.

One stupid half kiss.

As I dodged my roommate, I had plenty of time to think about what Nate did to me. He was the spark to my heart. And if I was honest, there was nothing more enticing than holding a sparkler. It was captivating. But I convinced myself that like everything else, that flame would burn out and in a few days I would be back to my normal self.  I would see him in class and it would be done. Everything would go back to normal.

It had to.

Tuesday morning, I had spent most of the day aimlessly wandering campus to kill time before I needed to head out for work. With my headphones plugged in my ears, I leaned my head back on the couch and rested my eyes. I was exhausted. I was getting up at the crack of dawn to avoid Delaney and sneaking back into my room before midnight.

“There you are.” I heard her chipper voice. I peeled my eyes open and was greeted with Delaney sauntering toward me wearing a wide smile. Her hair was still damp from a shower and she wore yoga pants and a cute little camisole top. Of course, her breasts didn't need the support of a bra. They were perky and perfect, just like her.

“Hey,” I murmured and pulled my headphones from my ears. I exhaled and realized that for the first time in three years I was jealous of my best friend. How could this be? We never fought. We were always in sync, for God’s sake. Even our periods arrived on the same day.

“Are you ignoring me?” She came right out with it. Delaney and I were both straight shooters. Never once did we beat around the bush.

I bit my tongue and lied. “No.”

“Brie.” She sat on the couch across from me and curled her feet under her. “It’s too early in the semester for you to be pulling all-nighters studying, so what gives? Are you mad that I stayed with Moose at the game?”

I hated his stupid nickname.

“No.” I shook my head and tried to smile. “I have a lot of pressure on me this semester.” I picked at my fingernails and shrugged. “And on top of it all, I got an email from my mom, which I don’t want to open.”

Del had two older brothers, RJ and Christopher. Her father was a sports doctor and her mother was a stay at home wife who volunteered for different organizations. There were no secrets, no affairs, no lies. They all got along and loved one another. They vacationed together twice a year—Switzerland over Christmas break and a Caribbean island the last week of June. I, on the other hand, avoided emails from my mother and refused to speak to my father at all.

“Oh, Brie.” She exhaled and her shoulders relaxed. “What do you think it is this time?” Delaney was the only one who knew my history with my parents.

“I’m pretty sure about how my father’s really sorry this time and that he’s changed. And how my mother feels terrible but she vowed for better or for worse.” I swallowed, trying to keep my voice in a singular monotone. “You know, the usual.”

Delaney shifted in her seat and a smile grew on her face. “What about the guy you went out with?”

I rolled my eyes. “That won’t work out.” I wanted to tell her it was Moose, but what good would it do? It would probably affect our friendship and I didn’t want her to feel she couldn’t bring him around me.

“Why not?”

“Eh . . . I really don’t need any distractions.”

“I highly doubt he was a bad distraction.” She grinned.

“Whatever. It’s done, so no biggie.”

“Are you hungry?” Delaney asked a few seconds later.

“I can go for some fries. Do you want to head over to the cafeteria?” I looked down at my phone to check the time. “I have an hour to kill before work.”

“Sure.” She jumped off her seat. “But no fries for me. I’m going to Moose’s house later and I don’t want to eat anything that will make me bloated, you know?”

I shoved my crap back in my tote and stood. I wanted the goddamn sparkler to burn out already.

Wednesday morning, I woke up to an empty bedroom. Delaney never came back from her night with Nate. When my alarm buzzed for the second time, I contemplated skipping class. I sure as shit didn’t want to see his freshly fucked face.

But I couldn’t miss class. I had never missed a single class, not even in high school. It was something I was good at—my escape from home—and I would be damned if a stupid guy named Moose ruined it for me. Plus, we were outside staring at buildings. It wasn’t as though we were confined to a classroom.

Once I showered and carefully selected my outfit for the day—picking out clothes specifically for class was something I rarely did—I hopped in my car and headed toward the Belk Tower. There was no turning back now. I’d have to face him one way or another.

I kept my head low as I walked, my heart racing with every step I took. When I was close enough to spot Professor Comeau, I noticed that Nate wasn’t there yet. I guess Delaney kept him up late. I quickly shook my head and brushed those images out of my thoughts because I didn’t want to imagine them together.

Professor Comeau stood with his back to the tower as he gave us the history of the structure. “For the past forty-five years, this tower has been the meeting space for students and visitors. It serves as the centerpiece of the university, but unfortunately, it will be coming down during the winter break.” Professor Comeau paused. “Thank you for joining us, Mr. Wright.”

Some of the class looked back, but my gaze stayed locked on the one hundred and forty-two foot, iconic ribbed tower.

“For your assignment,” Professor Comeau stated as he continued with his lecture.

“Hi.” His husky voice made the goosebumps rise on the back of my neck. I briefly closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I refused to let him affect me.

“Hello.” I added a chill to my voice, and forced my gaze to stay on the tower.

“Listen, Brie.” He paused as if he didn’t know what to say next. “I want to apologize.”

“It’s not a big deal.” I let the words roll off my tongue.

“I didn’t know Delaney was your roommate.”

His words caught my attention. I spun to face him. “So, you’re saying you’re sorry you got caught?”

“No.” His hand scratched the back of his head. “I’m sorry I lied to you.” He let his tongue drag across his lips. It was something I enjoyed watching, but at that moment I wanted nothing more than to rip his damn tongue out.

“Did you have a girlfriend when you took me out last week?” I crossed my arms over my chest and waited for his response.

“No.” He shifted his weight from one foot to the other.

“But now you do?” I needed to know. He sighed and dropped his head. “If you’re going to apologize, at least come out with the truth.”

“Can we start over?” he asked when he looked back at me. “I’d like to explain everything.”

“Sure.” I shrugged. The damage was already done. What was worse than hearing him out?

“Before we started the semester, I went out with Del a few times. It was in group settings, casual, not as a date or anything. It was nothing serious, just a few friends hanging out. The day I asked you out, she invited me to the game.”

“And you figured you would date us both and weigh your options?” I snapped. “See which was better, or maybe fuck around with us both in hopes we’d never find out about each other?’

A few students glanced over at us before returning their gaze back to the tower.

“Shit, Brielle.”

I lowered my voice. “Do you believe in coincidences?”

“What do you mean?” His eyebrows furrowed.

“You being in my class, taking me out, and also being with Delaney? Do you think that was all a big giant coincidence?” His face softened. “Or is it fate? Regardless, you being with Delaney was the way the universe was telling me not to get involved. I have no time for someone like you. I’m not mad. You’re seeing my best friend, so I want you to know I won’t hold a grudge. I hope you two are very happy with each other.”

Nate sighed and rubbed his face with his hands. “Can we be friends?”

“Yeah.” I nodded my head. Friends was something I could do. Overall I enjoyed his company and the spark I felt for him would die. It had to. “But I’m not calling you Moose,” I joked.

“About that.” His voice was vibrant.

“Yeah, about that. Moose? Seriously?” I shook my head. “Moose are massive. Nothing about you looks like a moose.”

Nate chuckled, making my heart flutter, and I resisted the urge to bite my lip. That was the spark that needed to burn out.

“My brother nicknamed me when I was a freshman in high school. He was a year younger and a few kids were picking on him. I’m not proud of it, but one day I left school early, walked over to his school, and beat the crap outta some kids who were teasing him. When all was said and done and the parents were called, Julian explained to our mother that I was like a big, giant moose charging at those kids.”

His gaze searched mine. “Like I said, I’m not proud of what I did to those kids. They were smaller than I was, but I made a promise to my little brother that no one would ever pick on him again.”

“Moose?” I muttered and cocked my head to the side. “Though it’s brave that you stood up for your little brother, it’s still a stupid name.”

“You don’t have to call me Moose. Only people I went to high school with call me that.”

“Good!” I rested my hand on my hips. “Because I wasn’t going to.”

A half-grin grew on his face. “I’m glad we’re friends, Brielle.”

“Me too, Nathaniel.” I turned back toward the building to stop myself from gazing into his eyes. “Do you know the history of the tower?”

“Yeah. I still can’t believe they are taking down the best make-out spot on campus.” He pointed up the pillars. At the very top was an observation deck with a view of the entire campus. “Up there, no one will ever catch you.”

“You’re such an ass.” I shook my head and Nate chuckled.

We spent the rest of the class period walking aimlessly around the tower. I had a notepad and scribbled down everything I noticed about its architectural design and its surroundings. Nate kept his hand shoved in his pocket and on occasion I caught him staring at me. I focused on my school work.

This was how fate worked for me.

CHAPTER 7

BRIELLE

NATE and I were actually able to keep a normal friendship.

We met before class and spent the entire three hours looking at buildings. He explained to me how they were built and about the architect who designed them, and I stared up at the buildings and appreciated the art, the history and the period in which they were built. Surprisingly, neither Nate nor I ever mentioned to Delaney that we shared a class together or that we were friends.  It wasn't that I purposely wanted to hide it from her, we were only friends after all, but if he had his reasons for not telling her, then I had to respect that.

Delaney spent most of her weekends with him for the first few weeks of their new relationship. She came back from class Friday night, showered, and packed an overnight bag.  I didn’t see her again until Sunday afternoon when she strolled in, hungover, to sleep for five additional hours. It meant I had the dorm room to myself, which was nice. I was cruising through my classes ahead of schedule. If I were honest, I’d admit that I dove into my school work so I didn’t think about the two of them together, but I reminded myself that he and I were strictly friends and that was for the best.

They had been dating a little over a month when I met Julian, Nate’s younger brother. Delaney and I were eating on a Thursday morning when they appeared and joined us for lunch. I knew Nate had a full school schedule but he lived off-campus and it was rare that I saw him in our cafeteria or on campus.

“Hi, babe.” She threw her head back when Nate stood behind her. He leaned forward and kissed the top of her head. When she looked back at me, her smile was wide and it almost looked as if she was high from his touch.

“Brielle,” Nate greeted me.

“Nathaniel.”  I still refused to call him Moose.

Delaney sat across from me and Nate took the seat to her right. The brother sat at the head of the table. He was tall like Nate. They both had the same body type, lean with broad shoulders, except Nate had dark hair and he had ash blond hair and cattish hazel eyes.

“Hi, I’m Julian.” A wide smile grew on his face. Then it clicked: his brother.

“Hi, I'm Brie.”

My gaze scanned Julian’s face as I looked for similarities to Nate. Aside from their height and build they looked like complete strangers. Nate’s jawline was more profound, whereas Julian had a rounder face. Julian was fair with a few freckles scattered around his cheeks. He was cute.

Delaney continued our conversation and explained how she was about to flunk calculus. I promised to study with her. Nate offered to share his notes from last year but I couldn't really focus on the conversation as I felt Julian's eyes on me.

Glancing in his direction, a felt a grin grow on my face. He was very handsome, but he didn’t scream bad boy. Not in that drop dead looking way that would rip your heart out. Not like Nate.

The following week, I got up and ready early for my Wednesday class, and headed toward yet another building Professor Comeau required us to admire: City Hall. It was the first building that wasn’t on campus, but instead was in downtown Charlotte.

I arrived a few minutes early and noticed Nate standing by his car in the semi-empty city parking lot. I slid my car into the space next to his.

“You’re here early.” Most classes, I beat him to the designated building and waited for him in my car before we walked to class together.

“You want to grab a cup of coffee?” He pointed to the coffee shop across the street. “We still have thirty minutes before class starts.”

“Sure.”

We walked in silence to Java Joe’s. His hands were tucked into his jacket and his head was lowered. Something about him seemed off. Pulling the door open to the quaint shop, I was smacked by the rich scent of roasted coffee beans. It had been a surprisingly chilly morning, but inside the cafe it was warm and comforting. A glass counter filled with donuts, Danishes and other sweet treats separated me and the barista.

Nate stood behind me in line as we waited for the other customers to order. He didn’t utter a single word until we had our coffees in hand and were walking back toward City Hall.

“Julian said you agreed to go out with him,” he said nonchalantly before taking a slow sip of his hot coffee.

After meeting Julian that day at lunch, I noticed that he and I bumped into each other regularly in the cafeteria or the common hall. After four casual bump-ins, he asked to take me out. I didn’t see the harm in it, especially since Nate and I were only friends.

“Yeah, so?” I brought my coffee to my lips, and blew into the small hole of the lid.

“You can't go out with him.”

Surprised by his statement, I tipped the cup back and burned the tip of my tongue. Appalled, I looked up at him. “What do you mean I can't go out with him?”

“I thought you were focusing on school?” Resting his cup on the hood of his car, he leaned back and crossed his arms over his chest. “You don’t have time.” He threw my words back at me.

I blinked a few times, trying to gauge where his attitude came from and why. “One, when we had that conversation it was the beginning of the semester. I thought I would have a harder time with my school and work schedules, but I was wrong. I managed to read through most of my work according to the syllabus outline. And two, why do you care?” I paused and waited for him to explain his outrage. When he didn’t respond, I asked, “Are you saying I shouldn't go out with your brother?”

Nate opened and then closed his mouth. He blinked and pulled his gaze away from mine. “I don't want you going out with my brother.”

“Why not?”

His tongue snuck out to lick his lips. “Because.”

“Can I ask you something?” He nodded. “Why are you with Delaney?”

“Do you want the truth?”

“Yes.”

“First you have to answer a question.”

My eyebrows scrunched together. “Okay.”

“If I were to break it off with Delaney, would you give me another chance?”

His words stopped me in my tracks. Slowly, I shook my head. “No. You’ve been with my best friend. It’s against the rules to date your friend’s ex.”

“Exactly.”

“What does that mean?”

“If I leave her, I can’t have you.” He paused for a second before he continued. “I like Delaney, she’s a good girl, but she’s not what I want. And call me selfish, but I stay with her to be close to you.” He scratched the back of his head. “I like our friendship.”

A few students had parked their cars and were walking toward the front of the City Hall building. He had some nerve telling me I couldn’t go out with his brother and then announcing he was with Delaney because he couldn’t be with me. Who the hell did he think was?

I shook my head slowly and let a grin grow on my face. “That sounds like a personal problem.” I turned away and began to walk in the direction of the other students.

“Brie!” I heard his footfalls behind me.

“Nate.” I looked up when he appeared beside me.

“Don't go out with Julian.”

“You don't have the right to tell me that.” I stopped walking and he turned to face me. “He asked; I said yes. We’re going out this weekend. You’re with Delaney because you want to be with her. Don’t bring me into it. And furthermore, I don't think it's any of your business who I date. End of discussion.”

Nate turned on his heel and continued to walk. He didn't speak to me for the remainder of the class.

Nor did he speak to me on Friday when Delaney and I met up with him for pizza. We occupied a booth at Mario’s Pizzeria, and Nate kept his head down and avoided eye contact with me.

“What's the matter, babe?” Delaney asked.

“I'm tired. I didn't get any sleep last night.”

She reached out and grabbed his hand. “We can sleep in late tomorrow if you want.”

“Actually, maybe it’ll be better if I go back to my place and crash.” He scooted out of the booth. Pulling his wallet out of his pocket, he threw a few bills on the table to cover the food. “I think I’m coming down with something.” He didn’t give Delaney a chance to fight him on it. He leaned over kissed the top of her head and said, “I’ll see you tomorrow.” He turned and walked out of Mario’s without looking back.

I didn't know if he was jealous, but I hoped he was. I hadn’t been with anyone since my last date with him, and though it was wrong to hope your best friend's boyfriend was jealous, it also felt kind of nice.

So, instead of feeling guilty, I savored his misery.

CHAPTER 8

BRIELLE

DELANEY BLEW my hair out for me and made me change my outfit to something sexier than my knitted sweater. I settled for a lace camisole with an off the shoulder sweater.  She studied me like a proud mama as I applied lip-gloss. She was staying in for the night as Nate had stated he still wasn’t feeling well. I refused to analyze what he was really thinking, and focused on Julian.

Like a true gentleman, Julian picked me up at my dorm. The soft knock on the door startled Delaney and she jumped up with joy. “He’s here!”

“Shh,” I demanded frantically. “You’re making this bigger than it has to be.”

“Are you kidding?” She sauntered over to me and ran her fingers through my hair. “We’ll be dating brothers! You can be my sister-in-law.”

I swatted her hand away. “It’s one date, Del.”

“Whatever. I’m already planning our joint wedding.”

Rolling my eyes at Delaney, I walked over to the door and pulled it open. Julian stood on the other side with a small bouquet of carnations in his hand. His hair was spiked up, and his eyes were bright blue to his light gray jacket and white undershirt.

“Hi.” I offered a wide smile.

“You look beautiful.” He handed me the bouquet and kissed my cheek.

I handed the flowers to Delaney. “Can you put these in water for me?”

Eagerly, Delaney rushed to my side and wrapped her hands around the stems. “You two kids have fun tonight!”

I shook my head and closed the door behind me. Julian led me along the hallway and then down the flight of stairs. Our conversation was light as we talked about school and which classes we were currently taking. I hadn’t mentioned that I went out with Nate once before, and I assumed Nate hadn't mentioned anything to him either because Julian never brought it up.

He drove us to a trendy restaurant downtown and valeted his car.

“I hope this is okay?” he asked as I climbed out of his car.

I glanced over at the restaurant. A few tables lined up against the brick wall; oversized glass light fixtures hung from the ceiling. The place was crowded. It sure as hell was the nicest place I’d been to.

“It’s perfect.” I smiled back at him and thanked God Delaney made me change into something nicer.

Julian rested his hand on the small of my back as he led me inside. The fragrance of herbs and garlic wafted through the air. Soft chattering from the tables could be heard over the soft music that played in the background.

“Welcome to Ferrero’s,” the hostess greeted us. “Do you have a reservation?”

Julian provided her with his name and we were led to a small tall table in the corner.

A small tea light candle flickered in the center. The waiter went over the specials and I quietly listened to all the options, hoping my face didn’t demonstrate my anxiety. I was a college student. My dinner most nights consisted of mac and cheese or ramen noodles. Fancy silverware and lamb chop specials weren’t something I had experienced before.

I ordered a glass of water and nervously glanced at the menu.

“Have you been here before?” Julian asked.

I looked up at him and shook my head. “I’m out of my element.”

“Why? Do you not like Italian?” His eyes widened with worry. “We can go somewhere else.”

“No.” I reached out and grabbed his hand. “This is perfect.”  Julian smiled and looked down at his menu.

After dinner, we headed toward Main Street and grabbed some hot chocolate. He held my hand the entire time and made sure he asked me questions to keep the conversation going. I dodged a few the questions about my family and asked him about his life.

Julian seemed perfect. He was charming, he made me laugh, and was a complete gentleman. He was a great guy; a guy I could date. We could be together for a while and have some fun, but there wasn't any magnetic pull. Not like I experienced with Nate.

At the end of the night he walked me to my door, kissed me on the cheek, and asked to see me again. I should have said no. I should have said we were probably better off as friends, but because I knew how much it bothered Nate, I went against my gut and told Julian I'd love to see him again.

The following Wednesday morning after my date with Julian, Nate waited on the hood of his car until I parked a few spots away. He had a cup of coffee in his hand and another on the trunk of his car. I shut my car off and gave myself a quick glance in the mirror before I hopped out.

“Good morning,” I sang as I walked over to him.

“Morning.” His voice was dry.

“You're here early.” I swayed side to side to keep warm. The temperature had dropped a few degrees in the past few days.  It wasn't below freezing but it was pretty chilly.

“I figured I'd get us some coffee.” He took the extra cup and handed it to me.

“Thanks.” I wrapped my hands around the warm cup and brought it to my lips. “Shall we?” I walked toward the building.

“You're not going to tell me about your date?’ I heard his footfalls behind me.

I spent the entire Saturday night after Julian dropped me off explaining how the date went to Delaney. She continued the conversation on Sunday about how we would spend the holidays together and go on double dates. I figured Del had chewed his ear off when she spent Sunday night with him.

“What is there to say? Your brother took me out, we had a lovely time, and then he brought me home.” I shrugged and continued to walk.

“Brielle?” Nate said my name in a stern voice.

I halted and turned back to him. “Okay, what gives?” I couldn’t mask the irritation in my voice.  ”You have a girlfriend. In fact, my best friend is your serious girlfriend. Why do you care that I went out with your brother?”

“You’re going to see him again?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

My eyebrows scrunched together and I looked at him sideways. “Nate, you and I are friends, and who I see is none of your business. Why does this bother you so much?”

“You said it would interfere with school.”

I bit my lower lip as I contemplated how to answer this. I didn’t have time for someone like Nate. He was consuming. I would be lost within him. I knew that every second I wasn’t with Nate, I’d be stuck thinking of him. I wouldn’t concentrate on school. I would focus every fiber of my body on loving him. That was the power he held.

A fire.

A spark.

All from one fucking kiss.

“If me dating Julian is a problem, maybe we shouldn’t be friends.”

“Maybe we shouldn’t.” Nate licked his lips and waited for me to respond.

“Well, then, thanks for the coffee.” I turned and marched toward class.

Being with Julian was easy. Mindless, really. He understood that school was my priority and he never pushed the issue of wanting to be with me every single second. We met three times a week for lunch before I had to go to work. We spent Saturday night together either studying, sitting in my dorm room watching a movie, or grabbing a bite to eat with Del and Nate.

What I liked most about him was that he never pushed the topic of sex. We had been dating for a few weeks and we had never gone farther than making out. I wasn’t a prude or anything, and I had slept with men before, but with Julian it seemed different. To be honest, I didn't have the spark with him. It wasn't an instant attraction, but more like a slowly burning ember that I hoped would grow over time.

Nate and I didn’t speak to each other after our disagreement. We were cordial to one another, and while we were out with our significant others our conversations consisted of short, one-word answers. Thankfully, Neither Delaney nor Julian noticed anything off since neither knew about our friendship, but I hated that we weren’t talking.

Late November

The semester was coming to a close and I had to study for finals, but I was putting it off until after Thanksgiving. Instead, I was in the dorm under the covers curled up with a new book I had borrowed from the library.

I was halfway through the latest John Green novel when Delaney came barging in.

“Pack your bags!” she demanded.

“Shh!” I waved my hand at her to keep it down. She marched over to my bed and grabbed the book from me. “Hey! Rude much?”

“Didn’t you hear me? Pack your bags! We’re going away for Thanksgiving weekend.” She began to dance as though there was music playing.

“I tell you every year.” I sat up and reached for my book, but Del was quicker and tossed it onto her bed. “Thank you for the invitation, but I’m not spending Thanksgiving at your Nana’s in Savannah.”

“Good, because neither am I.” She jumped on my bed. “We’re spending it with the Wrights, right here in Jacksonville.”

Julian hadn’t mentioned anything to me. “Nope.” I shook my head.

“Yep. Check your phone. Nate just texted me that his mother invited us both to join them.”

I didn’t want to meet his mother. Thanksgiving was a time when family came together and the craziness came out. I avoided family time. I avoided my family all the time. “Del, I can’t.”

“Please, Brie.” She held both hands in a silent prayer under her chin.

“You don’t need me to go with you.”

“Yes, I do.” Her shoulders slouched. “Nate said he is only going home if Julian goes, and Julian will only go if you do.”

“Why don’t you take Nate to meet your parents instead?” I pushed off my bed and brought my cold tea to the microwave, blasting it for a minute.

“So he can see how crazy my Aunt Sara is and how Nana drinks more hooch than any other southerner? No, thanks!”

“Please, Brie.” She pouted at me. “I’m really in love with Nate and I want to make this work. I want his mother to love me so she can see me as a great daughter-in-law.”

I shook my head slowly. I’d planned on ordering Boston Market, binge watching crappy TV, and sleeping through Thanksgiving. I exhaled as I weighed my options. “Can I think about it?”

Her eyes widened and a full smile overtook her features. She knew she had me convinced. “Yes!”

Wednesday after class, Delaney and I waited for Nate and Julian to arrive at our dorm. I’d packed a small overnight bag while Delaney’s bag looked as though she was planning to stay for a month. She complained she needed options. I needed this weekend to be over already. Spending the weekend with Julian’s mother and her husband seemed pure torture. I even debated going back home to my parents’ house.

I sat on top of my carry-on sized luggage and waited for Nate’s Jeep to arrive. The radio from his car blasted as he and Julian pulled up. He stopped the car and Julian jumped out and rushed to me.

“Hey, beautiful.” He leaned down and captured my lips with his.

“Hi,” I whispered.

In my peripheral vision, I noticed that Delaney had jumped into Nate’s arms and the realization that I would be spending all weekend with them sank in. What the hell did I get myself into?

I let Julian grab my suitcase and toss it into the trunk, and I climbed into the back of the car. Nate’s scent smacked me in the face and burned my throat. It was too consuming, too powerful. His cologne lingered in the air. It was manly yet sweet. It was captivating to say the least.

Julian hopped in the back seat with me while Nate and Delaney climbed in the front. Del sat on her side and looked back at Julian and me as she discussed in full the apple pie recipe she had printed out. I, on the other hand, rested my head against the seat and noticed that Nate’s eyes were on me. When I couldn’t pull my gaze away from the mirror, I decided it would be best if I closed my eyes and tried to sleep. Before we were even on the highway, I’d drifted off.

Louisa, Julian’s mother, was sweet, greeting us with open arms. She was petite in stature and looked a lot like Julian with hazel eyes and ash blonde hair.

“My boys.” She extended her arms as we walked up the sidewalk to the house.

Her home was a small Colonial with white siding, navy blue shutters and a matching blue door. Her husband, Warren, stood next to her with a beer in his hand. I knew from Delaney that Warren was Nate and Julian’s stepfather.

“Mom.” Julian hugged his mother. She pulled away from his embrace and held her arms on his shoulders to look at him. Her eyes twinkled with pride and adoration. “This is Brielle. Brie, this is my mother, Louisa.”

“Hi,” I murmured with my eyes lowered.

Louisa released Julian’s shoulders and threw her arms around me. “Look at how beautiful you are!” Her hands rubbed up my back quickly before she let go and looked over at Nate and Delaney. “Both of you ladies are absolutely gorgeous!” She hugged Delaney. “You must be Delaney.”

Julian carried our bags into the house and gave us a quick tour. Warren offered the boys a beer and walked into the kitchen while we followed Louisa up the stairs to the bedrooms. “Brie, you can leave your stuff here,” she stated and then opened the door to the bedroom across the hall. “Delaney, this is your room.” Instantly, my heart dropped as I realized we would be staying in our boyfriend’s rooms with our boyfriends. Unlike Delaney, who spent every weekend with Nate, I hadn’t had sex with Julian. We hadn't even slept in the same room together.

“Where are the guys sleeping?” I asked nervously, but I already knew the answer.

“Brie!” Delaney’s eyes widened.

“I figured you kids are all in school together. There’s no point in separating you.” Louisa smiled and rubbed her hand on my shoulder. “Why don’t you two freshen up?” Louisa looked over at us. “I’d love your help in the kitchen later.”

“Yes, of course.” Delaney agreed. I could only nod. This was going to be the longest weekend of my life.

Twenty minutes later, Delaney and I were elbow deep in potatoes. She peeled and I diced while Louisa asked us about our families. Delaney, of course, offered every bit of information she could. She started at the very beginning with how her parents met.

“It was so romantic!” Her voice held a joyous tone as she continued. “Daddy always said he knew from day one he would marry her. And when he proposed, he made sure it was a proposal she would never forget.”

For ten minutes Delaney talked, and then it was my turn. My heart raced and sweat began to form on my brow.

“What are your parents doing for Thanksgiving?” Louisa asked.

I diced the potatoes quicker. What was I going to say? My dad was an asshole and I personally thought my mother was naive and stupid. “Um . . . not too much. I don’t come from a big family.” I swallowed the ball of nerves in my throat.

“Do you have any traditions?”

“Is your mother a good cook?”

“Where did you parents meet?”

“Are you an only child?”

My heart raced a mile a minute as I dodged every question. I skipped around and forced myself to be vague.

“I—I think I need some fresh air,” I stuttered. “I think I’m a little light headed from the car ride.” I pinched the bridge of my nose and pulled the kitchen door open. I didn’t wait for Delaney or Louisa to say anything as I rushed out across the deck and then down the few wooden steps. I sat on the last step and buried my face in my knees. Inhaling slowly, I tried to catch my breath.

“Want to take a ride?” Nate’s voice was clear and close.

I snapped my head up. Unshed tears pooled in my eyes.

“Yeah,” I said breathlessly. I needed to get as far away from here as possible.

“Come on.” He reached his hand out for me.

I entwined my fingers with his and rushed to his Jeep before I had a change of heart.

He didn’t say a word until we were a few miles away from the house.

“You okay?”

“I’m better now, thanks.” I looked over at him and studied his profile. He had a lean jaw with high cheekbones. He was only in his early twenties but he looked much older.

“Thanksgiving has a way of making people crazy.”

“You have no idea.” I pulled my gaze from his and looked out the window. “Why were you outside?”

“I love my family, I do, but a few minutes with them is all I need. Warren and Julian usually talk about sports, which I don’t follow, and my mother has a tendency to hover, so most of the time I’m outside working in the garage.”

“Oh.”

“I saw how you ran across the deck and dropped down like you wanted to disappear.”

“That obvious, huh?”

“A little.”

“Your mother is sweet and kind, but it’s hard to speak to her when Delaney has the perfect answer for everything.” I shook my head and dropped my gaze to my lap.

“Don’t you hate how perfect they are?” I heard the humorous tone in his voice and smiled. “My parents, Julian and Delaney. They’re all so perfect and know exactly what to say. I thought Thanksgiving was supposed to have family drama.”

“I know, right? God, why are they so perfect all the time?” I rolled my eyes dramatically. “I guess you and I are the dark and twisted ones.”

“You definitely can say that again.” His tone dropped and I looked over at him. His green eyes were dark like a hidden forest.  I lifted one eyebrow, silently as if asking him to elaborate. “You don’t want to know my dark and twisted side.”

Before I had a chance to ask what he meant, he stopped the Jeep and shoved it in park. It was then that I took in my surroundings. We had pulled in to a park surrounded by trees that still bore their red and orange leaves. The grass wasn’t as green, but the crisp waters of a pond glistened as tiny ripples danced across the surface in the distance. With each pass of the wind, the red bled from the trees. Its reflection was mesmerizing.

“This place is beautiful.”

“I come here to get away.”

Unable to pull my gaze away from the vibrant fall colors, I failed to notice that Nate had rounded the car and opened the door for me.

“Come on.” He extended his hand.

We walked side by side toward the water. It was rare that I had the chance to appreciate true fall foliage like the scene before me.

“You know, she’s not that bad,” Nate said, kicking the pinecone at his feet. I looked up at him with my eyebrows furrowed. “My mother. She’s overbearing at times, and she talks a lot, but she loves Julian and me. I think this is the first time we both have both brought someone home at the same time. To her, it feels like Christmas morning having you girls there.”

“No, it’s not that. I think Louisa is very sweet.”

Nate chuckled and stopped walking to look at me. “You ran across that deck like the house was on fire.”

Nervously, I massaged my scalp. “I’m not used to the whole loving family thing.” I shook my head. “It felt consuming and I didn’t want to let her down. You know?”

“I get it.” He squatted and picked up a rock. He twirled it around in his hand a few times before he spoke again. “She’ll only be this crazy today. Tomorrow morning, she’ll have us go to the soup kitchen and serve dinner. Then her mother-in-law comes with Warren’s side of the family and she mellows out a bit.”

“Thanks for the heads up.” Nate walked over to the edge of the pond and flicked the rock across the water. It skipped three times before it sank to the bottom.

“I never learned how to skip rocks.”

Nate dropped his gaze and picked up another rock. “Hold it sideways between your pointer and thumb and then throw it.”

I did exactly as Nate suggested, and when the rock met with the water, it sank to the bottom. “Yeah, not that easy.”

Nate laughed, and the sound that escaped his mouth made me shiver. There was something about him. I had no idea what it was, but it pulled me toward him like a moth to a flame.

“You cold?”

Before I could answer, Nate pulled his jacket off his body and settled it over my shoulders. “I should have told you to grab a sweater before we left.” He ran his hands up my arms to warm me. Little did he know that my body was overheating from his touch. My heart sped in my chest; his scent was laced around my body, making it impossible to breathe, let alone form coherent thought.

“I—I’m okay.” Nate didn’t move. His emerald green eyes were locked on mine. His tongue slid across his lips and I swallowed back any words that tried to escape. He was mere inches from me. The last time we stood this close he half-kissed me goodbye.

“Brielle.” He whispered my name but I heard it. His hand rose up from my arm and grabbed a curl that had fallen to my cheek. Gently, he twirled his finger around it and let it bounce. My eyes closed as I anticipated what he was about to do. I desperately wanted him to kiss me. At that very moment, I needed it more than I needed to breathe. His half-kiss had haunted me for the past three months.

“Plea—” I began to say but was cut short when his phone rang. Nate dropped his hand from my face and I lowered my gaze to the ground. What the hell were we doing?

“Yeah?” he answered his cell. “No, I had to run to the store. She’s with me. We’re on our way back now.” He didn’t say good-bye before he shoved his phone back in his pocket. I went to move back but he stopped me, his hand grasping my elbow.  I looked back up at him and his eyes were dark. An expression of need flashed through them.

“We should go,” I managed to whispered.

Nate tugged on me and pulled me closer to him, his arms draped over my body and holding me flush against his chest. I fit perfectly in his arms, like a puzzle piece meeting its match, every edge lined up.

We didn’t speak. Instead, I buried my head in his chest and welcomed his warm body. I could feel his heart racing in his chest. This was affecting him, too. Whatever this was, he felt it.

Nate held me for seventy-six seconds. I knew because I counted. I Mississippi counted every second I was in his arms. Before he pulled away, he kissed the top of my head and then, in one swift motion, he let me go and we headed back to the car. I was left breathless and more confused than ever before. A few seconds in Nate’s arms and I couldn’t think. I felt high.

Never once had I felt that way with Julian. Never once was his hug so intoxicating it left me dizzy.

But I pushed those thoughts out of my head as I followed behind Nate.

We drove back to the house in silence.

Nate parked in the driveway and jumped out before I could even unbuckle my seatbelt.

“Wait!” I shouted and he looked over at me with his hand on the door. I kicked the door open and stood. Removing his jacket, I handed it over to him. “Thank you.”

A small grin grew on his face as he took the jacket from my hand. He bowed his head and walked toward the house without a single word.

Louisa, Del and I had finished in the kitchen and no one mentioned that Nate and I had disappeared. After dinner, we found our way to the basement where the TV played in the background and Nate and Julian reminisced about the times they snuck out of the house. Delaney sat on Nate’s lap and listened to every word. I, on the other hand, felt exhausted. My body ached and it felt impossible to keep my eyes open.

“Babe.” Julian leaned into me and kissed my cheek. “Are you okay?”

I shook my head slightly. “I think I’m just tired. It was a long day.”

Julian ran his hand up my leg to comfort me. “Do you want to call it a night?” I knew from the tone of his voice he wasn’t ready for bed.

“I’m going to lie down.” I pushed off the couch. Julian moved to stand and I stopped him. “Stay.” I leaned down and kissed his lips softly. “I’m okay. Come to bed when you’re done here. Please don’t rush because of me, okay?” I gave him a reassuring smile.

Julian pulled my hand to his lips and kissed the back of it. “Babe, I can go with you.”

“It’s okay, really. My head is starting to hurt.”

I wished everyone a good night and made my way up to Julian's bedroom. The exhaustion I felt in the basement seemed to disappear once I rested my head on the pillow. I closed my eyes and hoped sleep would come, but it never did. Instead, I stared at the clock on the night stand, tucking my hands under my chin and watching the minutes pass.

Twenty minutes later there was a soft tap on the door before it pushed opened slightly. Nate’s kind eyes greeted me. “Hi,” he whispered. “Did I wake you?” He walked further into the room.

“No.” I shook my head and sat up on the bed.

“You okay?” he asked as he sat on the edge of the bed. Unable to speak, I nodded. “I was worried it was something I did that had you wanting to go to sleep.”

I felt a smile tug on my lips. “No. I feel run down, that’s all.”

Nate’s gaze dropped and his hand reached for mine. He ran his thumb across my knuckles. “Do you feel that?” he muttered. I swallowed and an ache grew in my chest. “You do, don’t you?”

I lowered my chin to my chest, unable to answer him. It was as though he was stoking a fire. A fire I so desperately wanted to put out. “Nate . . .” I closed my eyes.

“What is it about you that has me like this?” He asked the question out loud but I knew he didn’t expect an answer. His hand moved up my arm and he twirled his fingers around a loose curl.

My heart felt as though it would explode in my chest at any second. “What are we doing? I’m here with Julian. I’m in his bed.”

“I’m being your friend, Brie. Can we be friends?”

We both knew that friends didn’t hug the way we hugged, nor did friends have an electrical current running through them when they touched. We couldn’t be friends. We should have been enemies. It would have been easier to hate him than to not fall in love with him.

But we lied.

“Yes.” I sighed. “We can be friends.”

Nate reached for my cheek. His hands were warm and rough around the edges. I wanted them on my body.

This was wrong.

This was insane.

But I didn’t stop him.

I closed my eyes, not wanting to know what was coming next. “Goodnight, Brie,” he said in a hushed tone. I felt his lips on my forehead. How could a gesture so simple have such a powerful effect?

“’Night,” I whispered.

He pulled his hand away from my cheek slowly and stood. I kept my eyes closed until I heard the door close behind him.

I was fucked.

What the hell was I going to do with the pent up emotions in my chest?

I dropped my head back to the pillow, the skin on my forehead still tingled from where his lips had touched it.

I closed my eyes again. In my head, I lived in a different universe where Nate and I were together. When I heard the door open again I didn’t move. I knew it was Julian coming to bed. I faked that I was asleep. He shut the light off and I felt him crawl under the covers. He kissed the side of my head and wished me goodnight. I kept the vision of Nate with me in my head until sleep eventually found me.

I woke up on Thanksgiving morning with my throat on fire, my head clogged, and unable to breathe through my nose. Everything was stuffy. My joints ached when I tried to move. I rolled over to Julian and was greeted by his smile.

“Morning, sleepyhead.”

“Morning,” I croaked. My throat burned when I swallowed.

“Shit, babe. You’re really sick.”

I closed my eyes. It was impossible to breath. “I don’t feel so well.”

“We have to head out to the soup kitchen soon, but why don’t we skip that and sleep in.”

“No.” My throat ached. “I don’t want you to miss a family tradition because of me.”

“Okay.” Julian pulled me closer to him and kissed the top of my head. “No one will be here, so you’ll have some peace and quiet.”

“’Kay,” I grunted and turned back to sleep.

I awoke a few hours later with the sun peeking in through the curtains. My head pounded but the aches in my body had subsided. I diagnosed myself with a head cold as it felt as if I was underwater. Stretching my hands over my head, I yawned and got out of bed. It was eleven in the morning and soon everyone would be back from the shelter. The house was cold and silent, and the wooden steps creaked as I made my way toward the kitchen. Unable to breathe out of my nose had made my mouth dry.

I scanned the room looking for an empty glass when I spotted a small tray with my name on it.

Brielle,

Sorry you're feeling under the weather. I've left some cold medication out for you. Also, there are peppermint oils in the bathroom if you want to take a warm shower. It will help clear your sinuses.

Love, Louisa

I poured myself a cup of orange juice and decided Louisa’s advice would be beneficial. The congestion in my head was so much that I figured a nice warm shower would help. Pulling aside the shower curtain, I turned on the shower and dabbed a few squirts of peppermint and eucalyptus oil into the corners of the free standing shower before I undressed.

The hot water on my skin felt like heaven. The fragrance of the mint and eucalyptus traveled up to my sinuses and I was able to finally breathe freely. Though my head still felt like as though it was drowning, I began to feel much better than when I first woke.

I washed my hair, then stood under the water for a few more minutes before I turned it off and pulled the curtain back. As I reached for the towel, the bathroom door swung open and I was greeted with Nate’s tall frame. I screamed as I tried to cover my bare body.

“Dude! What the fuck?”

Nate pulled the ear phones from his ears. “Oh, shit.” A grin grew on his face.

“Seriously! Get out!”

Nate’s grin grew even wider. I reached for the tissue box on the vanity and threw it at him. He finally closed the door but it was too late. Embarrassment burned through my body.

I dressed for dinner, did my hair and makeup, and stayed in Julian’s room until they arrived home from the soup kitchen, trying to avoid Nate. Once everyone was home, Julian hopped in the shower and I finally felt it was safe to come out of hiding. Louisa was in the kitchen whipping up dinner, and I helped by setting up the appetizer table.

Delaney was upstairs adding the finishing touches to her makeup, so I had to meet Julian’s aunts and uncles without a buffer. After I greeted each of them, I focused on decorating the vegetables for my crudité to look like a turkey. Nate appeared and reached for a carrot.

“Hi.”

“Go away. I’m not talking to you.”

“I wanted to apologize for walking in on you.”

“Go. Away.”

“Brie, it’s nothing I haven’t seen before.” He grinned.

“What were you doing home anyway? Everyone was supposed to be at the soup kitchen. And why wouldn’t you knock first?”

“I never go to the shelter,” he stated. “And I did knock. You didn’t hear me.”

“Liar!” I crossed my arms over my chest, refusing to look at him. “You didn’t knock.”

“Okay, I didn’t knock.” He chuckled. “Come on, don’t be mad. My brother is a lucky guy.”

My eyes widened as I turned to face him. He was dressed in a navy blue knitted sweater and dark blue jeans. His hair was styled back and his eyes looked almost blue. He licked his lips and I nearly lost my composure.

“I’m not mad. I want to pretend it didn’t happen, so therefore, I need you to turn around and walk the other way.”

“Brie…” His eyes scanned my body.

“Don’t look at me like that!” I slapped his elbow.

“Look at you how?”

“Like you’ve seen me naked.” I grunted through gritted teeth.

Nate chuckled.

“What’s so funny?” Delaney asked. She had spent a good hour getting ready and it showed. Her hair was pulled back in a low bun and the brown and gold eye shadows made her eyes pop.

“Your boyfriend is making fun of me for being sick.”

“Babe . . .” She dragged out the word. Her hands wrapped around his waist and she looked up at him with a loving glance. “Be nice.”

“Do you want something to drink?” he asked her and then looked over at me.

Delaney stood on her tippy toes and kissed his lips. “I’ll have a vodka tonic.”

I wanted to know what it was like to kiss him. “I’m good, thanks.”

Delaney watched as Nate walked out of the living room and toward the kitchen. “God, he has the most perfect ass, right?”

“I’m not staring at your boyfriend’s ass.”

Delaney giggled and laced her arm with mine. “Do you want to go socialize with our future in-laws?”

“Not really. I'm still sick.”

She frowned. “That stinks, Brie.”

“It’s okay. I’m high as a kite on some cold medication Louisa gave me.”

Julian snuck up behind me and kissed the back of my neck. I could smell the liquor on his breath. “You’re so beautiful.” His teeth bit my flesh. “Have I told you that today?”

“Julian.” I pulled away and turned back to face him. “You have family here.”

“I know but it's hard to keep my hands off you.” He tugged at my waist and brought me flush to his body. “Later, I’m going to kiss every inch of your body,” he said in a loud whisper. Delaney giggled and I heard Nate grunt.

“Okay. Well, I’ll go help your mom and aunts in the kitchen.” I turned to reach for Delaney. “You coming?” I didn’t wait for her to respond as I tugged her with me. I noticed that Nate kept his head down, refusing to meet my gaze.

Thanksgiving dinner was filled with laughter as Louisa shared stories of the boys growing up. The food was delicious, and Delaney and I cleaned up the kitchen as a thank you for their hospitality.

By the time I headed to bed, I was exhausted, so I popped two NyQuil in my mouth and welcomed the comatose sleep that would soon take over my body. Julian’s arm looped around my body, my back against his chest as he kissed my neck.

It was then that I heard them. Nate and Delaney. The wall where Julian’s headboard rested was a common wall to Nate’s room. Delaney moaned and their bed creaked.

They were fucking.

Pain pinched my chest. I closed my eyes and hoped the drugs would knock me out, but Julian pressed his growing erection to my lower back. His lips kissed my shoulder with hunger.

“What are you doing?”

“Come on, Brie.” He pushed his pelvis further into my back.

“Julian, stop.” I reached for his hip that had been grinding on my ass.

“I’ve been a patient man—”

“This isn't going to work.” I spun around to face him. “I’m sorry, Julian, but what you want from me I can’t give you because I don't feel the same.” I scanned his eyes. “I don't want to lead you on and give you empty promises. I love spending time with you, but I want to be your friend.”

“Damn . . .”

“I’m sorry.”

Julian scoffed and stood. “Yeah, I'm sure you are.” He grunted and stalked out of the room.

I ignored his comment.

I ignored Delaney’s whimpers.

I ignored Nate’s heavy breathing.

And I ignored the jealousy that grew in my chest.

CHAPTER 9

BRIELLE

JULIAN SPENT that night on the couch and we drove home in silence the following day. I spent the rest of the weekend catching up on homework and ignoring his calls and texts. Delaney had caught my cold and spent the remainder of the weekend in bed as I fetched her soup and Gatorade. I didn’t tell her that Julian and I broke up; I wasn't in the mood for her inquisition. She spent the weekend ignoring her boyfriend. She said she didn’t want him to see her like this. In other words, she was too tired to put on makeup.

A week after Thanksgiving, Julian and I finally spoke. He’d messaged me a few times wanting friendship; we agreed we would remain friends, and he reminded me I would always have a place in his heart.

Everything was right in the world again.

The semester was coming to a close and there were only a few more buildings to study for my art class. On Wednesday, I arrived at the parking deck downtown, hopped out of my car, and headed toward the Bank of America Corporate Center. It was the tallest building in Charlotte, standing at 871 feet, and had floor to ceiling windows that made it look as if it was all glass.

After hearing Nate with Delaney on Thanksgiving, I didn’t want to look at him. I needed some distance. Once the semester was over, we would no longer be in class together, things would go back to normal, and I wouldn't be green with envy at the fact he had sex with his girlfriend.

I stood on the main street that directly faced the building. The massive building’s long glass windows appeared blue as they reflected the brilliant sky. At the uppermost point, a tower topped the building like a crown. I was writing a few notes on my notepad when I heard him behind me.

“You couldn’t wait for me?”

“Sorry,” I responded but never pulled my gaze from what I was writing. “I wanted to get this assignment done. I still have a paper to write.” I shoved my pen in the crease of the notepad and closed it.

“You’re a bad liar.” A grin pulled his mouth back.

A cool breeze blew and I held my breath so I wouldn’t smell his cologne. “I’m not lying.”

“Yes, you are.” He stepped closer, his body tall and lean against mine.  “I can tell.”

“How so?” My voice cracked.

“Your eyebrows pinch together.” His thumb grazed my forehead. “It’s like you’re forcing yourself to believe the lie.”

“Whatever.” I swatted his hand away.

“Is it because I saw you naked?” His lips pursed and a sly grin overtook his features.

His words caught me by surprise. I needed to be mad at him. I needed to forget whatever I felt for him. This was wrong. In every sense of the word this was beyond fucked up.

“Seriously!” I inhaled slowly to build up any courage my soul could grasp. “I’m pretty sure that the few seconds you saw me were erased once you were on top of Delaney that night.”

Nate swallowed and I noticed his Adam's apple bob. We stood facing one another, his eyes scanning mine. He cleared his throat, brought his face closer to mine and whispered, “Can I tell you a secret?” He didn’t wait for me to respond. “I know it makes me a fucked up person, but it was you I thought of while I was having sex with Delaney. Naked. Wet. Freshly showered.”

I gasped as the emotional roller coaster sped away leaving me a complete and utter mess.

“You have no idea how happy I was when I woke up the following morning and Julian was on the couch. At least I knew he hadn’t touched you.” Nate ran his hand down my cheek, and I felt the warmth of his breath on my skin.

I was paralyzed.

Stunned.

“I can’t erase you from my mind.” His voice was soothing.

I closed my eyes. This wasn’t happening.  This couldn’t happen. I thought if I kept my eyes closed that in that moment it wouldn’t be real. When I opened them again, he’d be gone. But it wasn’t a dream. My face still burned from his touch.

The fire that he sparked between us, the one I so desperately tried to put out, burned brighter than the sun. I told myself it was a contained fire. That it was a mild crush that would soon pass.

But like Nate said, I was a bad liar.

Thursday night, I arrived back at the dorm from work to find Nate and Delaney hanging out in our room. That was a rare occurrence. Most of the time she was at his place. I threw my keys in the fishbowl and was greeted with Nate’s smile. After our encounter the previous day in class, I couldn’t look in his direction without feeling as though my skin would catch fire, so I avoided his gaze and looked over at Delaney.

“Hey.”

“Just the person we were talking about.” Delaney gave me her widest smile. She stood by the microwave as a bag of popcorn spun around and kernels began to pop.

I hadn’t slept well the night before. My mind kept replaying what Nate said. He had sex with Delaney while he imagined me. She was my best friend. I shared almost all my secrets with her. Yet I couldn’t get her boyfriend out of my head.

I tossed my bag on my bed and fell back on the comforter.

“What do you want, Del?” I covered my eyes with my forearm.

“Nate’s having a house party tomorrow night. I want you to come with me.”

I guessed this was the party Julian had mentioned in his text message earlier. I removed my hand and looked over at her. “No.” I had said yes to Julian when he first asked. Even though we weren’t together, we spent almost every weekend together. But knowing it was at Nate’s house I quickly changed my mind.

“Brie!” She rested her hands on her hips. “You never want to do anything fun.”

“That’s not true. I went to the game with you.”

“One, that was months ago; and two, you left early.”

I pulled my gaze from her and looked over at Nate. We both knew why I left early.

“Come on, Brielle.” Nate sat up on Delaney’s bed. I hated the way he said my name. He cocked his eyebrow and smiled. “Julian will be there. Plus, it’s our Christmas bash. We’ve done it every year since I was a freshman and this is my last year. You don’t want to miss it.” A sideways grin grew on his face. They still had no clue that Julian and I were only friends now. I kept debating whether I wanted to tell him. His tongue ran across his lips and his green eyes pierced me. Thoughts of Julian vanished.

I was a fucking goner.

“Fine.” I tossed my hands in the air in defeat. “I’m in.”

The following night, I put on the shortest black dress I owned, let Delaney give me smokey eyes, and left my hair wild and curly. When I looked at myself in the mirror, I didn’t even recognize the person looking back at me.

“Holy shit, Brie. You look so fucking hot! Julian won’t be able to keep his hands off you.”

I wanted to impress a different Wright man. It was crazy to admit, but I wanted to feel desired by Nate. There was no greater feeling than to be wanted by a man you couldn’t have.

It was sick and twisted.

The forbidden fruit you could never taste.

I needed to tell her Julian and I were no longer together. “Del—” My words were interrupted by a tap on our door. Delaney rushed to answer it. Julian strolled into the room wearing a black button down shirt and dark jeans. His messy hair was styled back, giving him the boyish look I had grown to like. But his face instantly changed when he noticed me. His wide smile vanished and his lips pursed.

“Hi.” I walked toward him. My high heels made me come up to his nose.

“Is that what you’re wearing?” His gaze ran up and down my body.

“Doesn’t she look hot?” Delaney asked as she applied her red lipstick that matched her blood red dress.

“Do you like?” I spun around for Julian.

“You can’t wear that,” he snapped.

“What?” I was taken aback. Glancing down at my dress, I saw nothing wrong with what I was wearing. I looked up at him, my eyebrows pinched together.

“Change into something else. I don’t want you going if you’re wearing that.” He crossed his arms over his chest.

“You can’t be serious.” I felt my forehead scrunch together.

“Very.”

I stepped closer to him and tickled his stomach playfully. “You’re silly.”

“Brielle.” He pulled away from me. His nose flared as his gaze scanned mine.

“Julian.” I matched his stance.

“You’re really not going to change?”

“No!” I shook my head and crossed my hands over my chest. “My friends don’t tell me what to wear.”

“Come on, you two.” Delaney handed me my clutch and coat. “We’ll be late.” Julian walked out of the room first and Delaney gave me a concerned look as I locked our door. “That’s new, huh?”

I knew she was referring to Julian’s jealous reaction over my dress. I shrugged. “Whatever.”

Julian drove us off campus and across town to where Nate and his roommates lived. The small red brick Cape Cod house was packed with stragglers stumbling across the lawn. We had to park a few blocks away and the music could be heard from where we were.

“That’s pretty loud.” I looked over at Delaney and bit my lip.

“This area is known for weekend parties since most of these houses are rented out to college kids who can’t afford to dorm. Most of them are probably at the party now.”

Julian reached for my arm, his grip tightening as we reached the house. Inside, we found most of the furniture pushed to the walls and each room filled with people. The kitchen had been designated as the bar area and the party overflowed onto the lawn. Tables ran across the grass as people lined up to play beer pong and flip cup. Julian’s hand never released mine as we walked through the house looking for his brother.

Nate was in the back den, a red Solo cup in hand. He was dressed in a Santa outfit minus the shirt, his chest bare for everyone to admire. Including me. His shoulders were broad, the bicep and tricep muscles impossible to miss. His chest was tight as though he spent hours at the gym. And then the abs . . .

But what caught my attention was the happy trail that started below his belly button and ran all the way down to the seam of his red velvet pants. Instantly, my body felt as if it were overheating.

“Can you hold this?” I handed my purse to Delaney. Her face was stoic and stilled as she stared at Nate.  I desperately tried to take off my coat. I felt trapped, as if I couldn’t breathe.

“What are you doing?” Julian reached for my hand to stop me.

“I’m taking my coat off. What does it look like I’m doing?”

“Don’t take it off.” Julian began to button up my coat.

I swatted his hand away and pulled my coat off my shoulders. Inhaling, I placed my coat on my forearm. “What’s gotten into you?”

Julian looked around, his hand scratching his head before he met my gaze. “Brielle, put your coat on or we’re leaving. I’ won’t stay here and have every man look at you in that ridiculous excuse for a dress.”

My eyes widened. “Excuse me?” From the corner of my eyes, I noticed Delaney pull her gaze away from Nate and land on me.  Her eyebrows pinched together.

“You heard me. Put it back on or we’re leaving.”

I tossed my coat on the closest chair and stepped closer to Julian. This had gone too far. “Let me remind you of something. One, you’re not my father. Two, you're not my boyfriend. So you either get over the fact this is what I’m wearing and we enjoy the night, or you can leave.” My hands rested at my waist as I waited for him to respond. Delaney's head snapped in my direction. Her eyes were wide like a deer caught in headlights.

“You know what?” He paused. “Do whatever the fuck you want. I’m not fucking staying here.” Without another word, Julian marched out of the house the same way we arrived.

Exhaling, I turned over to Delaney. “I need a big drink.”

She shook her head in disbelief. “You guys broke up?”

“It wasn't working out. I really wasn't into him. But we remained friends. Or at least I thought.” My last word fell flat as Nate greeted us with his presence. I forced myself to look at anything but his taut chest.

“Where did Julian go?” Nate asked.

“Home.” I shrugged. Nate’s eyes squinted as if he was trying to read between the lines.

“Moose, come on! We need a picture,” some girl called from behind him.

Delaney’s lips puckered together. “Go. Have fun at your party. Come on, Brie. Let’s go find some tequila.” She laced her arm through mine and spun me so our backs were to Nate.

“What was that about?” I asked when we managed to find our way through the sea of bodies and into the kitchen. “I thought you wanted to come here.”

Delaney yanked a bottle from the counter, along with two plastic cups. She handed me one and she poured amber liquid into mine and then hers. “He’s fucking Santa,” she muttered through gritted teeth and shot the liquor down her throat. She swallowed, shook her face in disgust, and motioned for me to drink mine.

I followed suit and gagged as the alcohol burned down my throat. “God!” I held my hand over my mouth. “That’s horrible.” Delaney poured another shot into her glass and then mine. “What does him being dressed up as Santa have to do with us pouring rubbing alcohol down our throats?”

Delaney drank back another gulp. “Every year they have two of these parties. Christmas and Easter. Every time someone is Sexy Santa or Bad Boy Bunny. The girls get drunk and toward the end of the night they get to sit on Santa’s lap and tell him if they’ve been naughty or nice.” She lifted my cup to my lips. I contemplated not drinking it, but the thoughts of girls sitting on Nate had me seeking more liquor.

The second shot wasn’t as bad as the first. “What do you tell the Easter Bunny?” Heat permeated through my body.

Delaney filled our cups again. I wasn’t a drinker. I avoided parties and only drank once a year. I was in for a messy night if Delaney kept pouring me shots.

“You ask him to fertilize your eggs.”

“Ew.” I scrunched my face.

“Here’s to the Wright brothers being complete dick faces.” She held up her cup and toasted it with mine. We tossed back a third shot which surprisingly went down smoothly. She was right. Julian was a dick for telling me to cover up and Nate was a fucking sexy Santa.

A heavy arm draped over Delaney’s shoulder and mine. I stepped to the side to steady my balance.

“What are you two ladies drinking tonight?”

“Seriously, Austin, you’re putting all your weight on me.” Delaney shoved his hand off her shoulder and I did the same.

“You’ve never complained about it before.” His lip curled into a devious smile.

I watched Delaney dramatically roll her eyes at him. “You’re drunk and talking out of your ass.” She took another swig of the bottle. “Come on.” Delaney put the bottle down and grasped my hand. “Let’s go play some flip cup and get wasted.”

I followed her outside, and the cool air felt refreshing on my warm skin. Whatever Delaney gave me to drink was working because suddenly I was really happy.

Three games of flip cup later, and all the beer my stomach could take, I needed to use the restroom.

“I need to pee.”

Delaney gulped her beer and shook her head. “Come on. Let’s go dance.”

“I need to pee, though.”

We walked toward the house. “Okay. Go pee and I’ll meet you on the dance floor.”

There were two bathrooms in the entire house. One upstairs that had been designated as the fuck spot and one on the main floor. I took my chances and waited in line for the one downstairs. It seemed an eternity before it was my turn. I used the bathroom, washed my hands, and ran my fingers under my eyes to remove the mascara that had smudged.

Feeling a thousand times better, I walked toward the makeshift dance floor.  My body swayed to a Timbaland song about promiscuous girls as I looked for Delaney.

“What are you doing?” I felt Nate’s warm breath on my neck. A smile grew on my face as I turned to face him.

“Have you seen Del?” I closed one eye and looked up at him.

“No.” He stepped closer and lowered his face to my ear. “Are you okay?”

“A little tipsy.” I giggled and goose bumps popped up all over my skin. He pulled back and I ran my gaze up his torso. “You know, Del is not happy about this whole thing.” I indicated his taut abs.

Nate ran his tongue across his lips. I bit mine to contain the fear of asking him to kiss me.

“Moose!” someone called from behind me.  “Come on. We’re waiting for our pictures.”

“I have to do this Santa thing.” His green eyes never moved from mine. “Can you wait here for a second? I don’t want you walking around alone.”

I nodded. Nate’s body brushed against mine as he passed me, and the warmth of his skin had my body reheating. This couldn’t be good. Inhaling, I walked around the dance floor once more but I still couldn’t locate Delaney.

A line of girls and a few guys who wanted to joke around with a picture of sexy Santa had formed toward the den. I promised Nate I’d stay where I was, but he didn’t say I couldn’t get in line to sit on Santa’s lap. I also figured if Delaney showed up she would come looking for her boyfriend.

One by one, each girl sat on his lap and whispered in his ear. You could tell some girls were more daring than others. Nate’s face tensed when a girl got too close or whispered something in his ear that I assumed made him uncomfortable. Some of the guys fucked around and sat on Santa’s lap for a picture.

I was the last one in line. I had let eight people in front of me. Nate licked his lips and muttered, “Your turn, sweetheart.”

The butterflies began to flap their wings in my stomach. I chewed on my fingernails as I approached. A smile widened above Santa’s beard as he patted his right knee for me to sit.

“So, tell me, young lady.” He lowered his voice. “Have you been naughty or nice?” His fingers ran across my lower back.

I don’t know if it was the alcohol, his bare chest, or the way a sideways grin grew on his face, but I felt daring. Throwing away my fears, I leaned in closer. “I want to be very naughty.”

Nate looked away from the camera and over at me. Under my dress, I could feel his erection growing within his red pants.

“Naughty?” he questioned. His voice was so low I had to read his lips. I bit my lower lip and nodded.

“I can help you with that.” Nate never pulled his eyes away from mine as his hands continued to trace small circles around my back.

Suddenly, it was impossible to breathe. “I need some air.” I pushed off his lap and stood. Nate reached behind him, grabbed a white T-shirt, and pulled it his over his body.

“Let’s go.” He stood and grabbed my hand.

Mixed emotions ran through me and made speaking nearly impossible. Nate held my hand until we were outside. He led me to the back of the house, away from the chaos. I stood against the wall for support and he stepped in to block me from view.

“Better?” One hand rested on the brick wall and caged me in.

“A little.” I inhaled.

“Did I tell you how gorgeous you look?” His voice was low and husky.

My clouded head began to sway. I was drunk off the alcohol. I was drunk off him, too. “Nate,” I whispered.

“Brie.”

There was a line between us. A line that said he was my best friend’s boyfriend. A line we were desperately close to crossing.

“What are we doing?”

“We’re getting some air.”

“No.” I shook my head; my eyes felt heavy. “I mean this. Us. What are we doing?”

“I’m helping a friend.” His body inched closer to mine. His fingertip played with the hem of my skirt.

“Friend?”

“Yes, you’re my friend.”

This was the moment I could choose to cross that line. But once I did, there would be no turning back. “Do you get this close to all your friends?”

“Fine.” He sighed. “You’re my best friend.”

“Nate . . .” I moaned his name.

“Shh.” He lowered his face to the crook of my neck. The tip of his nose ran up my skin and toward my cheek.

I was high.

Intoxicated by him.

He had this power over me, over my heart. He was mere centimeters from my mouth. One small movement and his lips would capture mine.

One kiss.

One kiss was all I desperately wanted.

My heart pounded so hard in my chest that I heard it in my ears. I silently begged him to kiss me. With each second that passed, I became a ball of nerves. And then all the alcohol in my system decided it wanted to ruin the moment.

“I think I’m about to be sick.”

As soon as the words left my mouth, my body bent over and the contents of my stomach splattered all over the grass. Nate pulled my hair back, his hand running up my back as I continued to heave.

Talk about the worst buzz kill.

Once I felt I was done, I straightened. My high had vanished and I was left drunk. Not the kind of drunk where I want to dance it off, either. This was the “I want to go to bed right now” drunk.

“You okay?”

I shook my head. “I want to go to bed.”

“Come on.” Nate brushed my hair away from my face. Squinting my eyes, I tried to un-blur his face. He chuckled and tucked me under his arm. “Let’s get you home.”

I woke up the following morning in my bed with my head pounding. My covers had been draped over my body but I was still in my dress. Sunlight peeked in through the curtains and I could tell it was very late morning. I rolled onto my side and held my temples. It felt as though my brain was pounding against my skull. When the throbbing subsided, I noticed a bottle of water and a small packet of Advil on the bedside table. A little Post-it was stuck to the bottle.

Drink this in the morning. The Advil should help with the headache.

Love, Nate.

Memories of the previous night flooded my head. Nate had taken care of me. I puked in front of him. Where did Del go?  How did I get into my room?

I popped the two pills into my mouth and drank the water, laid my head back on the pillow and noticed that Dell's bed was untouched. Though I should have worried about my missing roommate, I needed a few more hours to recuperate.

Sometime later, I heard the room door open. Delaney appeared with her coat covering her dress and last night's makeup still on her face.

“Morning,” she greeted me. She dragged her feet across the floor and kicked her heels off.

I looked over at my clock.

“You mean good afternoon.” My voice was hoarse but my headache had subsided a bit.

She plopped on the bed next to me. “I feel like shit,” she complained.

“Where did you go last night?” I sat up on the bed.

“I wasn't feeling well and I bumped into Chloe, so she took me home. I couldn't find my keys so I crashed at her place. Then, this morning, I found them in my purse.” She pulled the blanket off her bed.

“You just left me?” Anger began to build. Not only had Julian been a complete douche, but my best friend, who begged me to go to the party with her, left me there by myself.

“Nate was there.”

“That's beside the point.” I shook my head. “I was lucky he was there because I got really sick and he's the one who brought me home, because you were gone and Julian was gone and I didn’t even want to go to this party to begin with.” My voice grew higher as my rant continued.

“Brie, I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to leave you. I was really, really drunk and I asked Chloe to tell Nate I was leaving and to keep an eye on you.”

I shook my head. “It’s fine.” I dropped the conversation. Some of the pressure in my head was relieved, but I still wasn't feeling well.

Delaney discarded her dress then threw her UNC sweater over her body and climbed under the covers. “I need to sleep for a little bit,” she informed me.

I kicked my covers off, undressed and put on my bathrobe, and grabbed my toiletry bag. “I'm gonna go take the longest shower possible. I'll be back later.”

I let the scalding water pour over my head as I pushed out the memories of Nate, but they kept invading my thoughts.

I remembered him coming to my rescue when I couldn't find Del. I remembered how he held me on his lap. I remembered the way his hands rubbed up my spine and how it caused my skin to ignite. I remembered how I needed air and he dragged me outside. I remembered how his lips were mere inches away from mine.

I was playing with fire but it felt too good to stop.

When I strolled back to the room, Julian was sitting on the edge of my bed, his head hung low. “Hi,” he whispered.

“I'll let you two talk.” Delaney pushed off her bed and grabbed her toiletry bag.

He waited until Delaney was out of the room before he spoke.

“Brie . . .” Julian’s voice was hoarse. “I’m so sorry I overreacted. I don’t know what came over me. I should have never left you there. You know this isn’t me.”

Placing my stuff back in the drawer, I cleared my throat. “Julian, you can’t act the way you did last night and then think you can come here and all will be forgotten.”

“I know.” He nodded. “I’m sorry, Brie.”  When I didn’t respond, he rushed to my side. His hands framed my face. “I’m so sorry. I was a shitty friend.”

I was so ready to yell and scream at Julian, but was I any better? I almost kissed Nate. If I hadn’t puked I couldn’t say that nothing would’ve happened. He can be a better man but can I be a better girlfriend? I shook my head, not wanting to hear the thoughts in my head or his apology.

“Julian, I have exams coming up and then Christmas break. I think maybe we jumped into this friendship. Maybe we should let the dust settle.”

“Brie, I’m so—”

“I know you’re sorry, Julian. I need a little bit of time, okay?”

I noticed his Adam’s apple bob. “Yeah.” He bowed his head. “I can give you time.” He pulled me toward him and hugged me once again. I felt him fill his lungs with air one last time before he let me go.

I stood there in the middle of my dorm room, my hair still wet from my shower and my heart filled with emotion, none that I wanted to analyze at the moment. I wanted to get this semester over and done with, and start the new year on a different foot. The following semester I wouldn’t have a class with Nate, so he wouldn’t be a distraction.

Six weeks without Nate would help.

CHAPTER 10

NATHANIEL

THERE ARE things in life that are out of your control. My father leaving me. The foster families I was tossed around from. Everything was out of my control.

Including what I felt for Brielle.

The feelings I had for her had a mind of their own. It was as though they had their own blood supply, and regardless of how many times I tried to shut it down, I could never find the source. Each time my heart beat, it fed them, forcing them to grow. It didn't matter how hard I tried to forget her. It didn't matter how many times I tried to focus on Delaney.

All I wanted was Brielle.

It was the way she smiled. When I made her laugh and she bowed her face, a small grin grew across her lips as she gazed up at me through her lashes. I walked around aimlessly trying to make her laugh. It was the way her cheeks flushed when she was frustrated. The way her lips puckered when she was amused. The way she looked at me.

How she teased me and slapped my arms when I said something inappropriate, or she tried to push me away by slamming her delicate hands on my chest.

It was the soft glances she gave me while the professor was discussing some building.

The way she bit her lower lip while she sketched that building.

I was done for.

She had cast her line with the most delectable bait possible.

Hook. Line. Sinker.

I was a fucking goner.

I tried to stay away. I tried to repeat to myself constantly that she was with Julian, my goddamn brother. Julian loved her. I couldn't blame him. I was dating her best friend, and her best friend loved me.

It was out of my control.

And things only got worse after our Christmas bash.

I had lost the bet, so I was forced to dress like Sexy Santa. I knew this would be a problem for Delaney, but a bet was a bet and this party was a tradition.

Our small house filled with our friends and their friends—people I’d never seen before. I made my way through the crowd and said hello to a few buddies, but every time the door opened, I looked for her.

I knew she was coming. I knew my brother was coming with her. And hell, my girlfriend would be there, too. But the need to see Brielle drove me mad.

I strolled into the kitchen and grabbed a beer. It was a mild December so the party had been pushed outside. Taking a swig of my beer, I made another lap to say hi to people I’d never seen before. I did anything to keep my sanity.

Stu stumbled over to me as I made my way to the beer pong table. He had a bottle of Patron in his hand and a cocky smile on his face.

“Dude,” he slurred. “Take a shot.”

“Nah, man, I'm good.” I lifted my beer and took another swig.

“You're supposed to be fun, not an ass.”

“You don't want me to get fucked up before the party even starts, do you?”

Stu slurred something incoherent, poured another shot down his throat, and swallowed dramatically.

It was then that I spotted her. Ignoring Stu’s rant, I turned to face her. She was holding Julian's hand as she walked, and Delaney was to her left. She looked as if she belonged in a beauty magazine. Her hair was down in long loose curls that made me want to grab them at her nape. Oblivious to my own girlfriend, I watched from afar as she and Julian exchanged words. She slid her coat off her shoulders.

Fuck.

I begged my dick to stay down.

When Julian stormed away, I knew he was pissed and I know exactly why. In the few months I’d known Brielle, I’d never seen her in such a provocative dress. It made her legs look miles long even though she was petite. Brielle always looked innocent.

Until tonight.

I strolled over to them and was greeted with Delaney’s attitude. One glance from her and I knew to stay away until she had a few drinks. Ignoring the desire to be near Brielle, I let them go and focused on the party.

A few hours later, I spotted a happy Brielle on the dance floor. I knew she was a bit intoxicated as her eyes were glassed over and her cheeks were flushed. At first I was pissed because she was wandering the house alone, but then I realized she was alone.

Julian had left and Delaney had disappeared.

She smiled when she looked up at me, and I thought I would have a few moments with her, but then I was called away to take pictures. I only hoped that Brielle would still be alone when I returned.

But Brielle surprised me when she got in line to greet Santa. She stood, gnawing her lips until she was called to sit on my lap.

“Have you been naughty or nice?” I asked.  Her legs pressed against mine and I felt my erection grow. Resting my hands on the small of her back, I tried to focus on the task at hand. There was no way she couldn’t feel what she was doing to me.

“I want to be very naughty,” she whispered.

She’d crossed the line we’d both been dancing around for the past few months. She was drunk and her inhibitions were gone.

“Naughty?” I dared to ask. “I can help you with that.” I locked my gaze with hers.

“I need some air.”

I guided her out and to the side of the house. Shielding her from any bystanders, I desperately waited for the right moment to kiss her. I was almost there, mere inches from her lips. I ran my nose up her cheek, inhaling her scent.

It was then she got sick and the timing was ruined.

I held her hair as she emptied the contents of her stomach on the grass. Even puking she looked adorable. Her eyes were watery and her lips puckered in repulsion. “I need to go home.”

Brushing my hands through her hair, I cursed fate. She was the girl I wanted. “Come on, let's go.”

Within five minutes, I had her in my car and was heading toward her dorm. “Do you need to puke again?” She sat in the front seat, her gaze on the road.

“No, I need gum.” She searched for a piece until she found my pack in the center console. “I can’t believe I puked. I’m so embarrassed.” She covered her face. “It’s a good thing I won't remember this tomorrow.”

“You won’t?”

“Nope.” She shook her head. “And because you’re my best friend, you have to never mention this night to me.”

“Really?” Since she seemed better, I decided to take the long way to her dorm.

“Yep. Julian is an ass, and Delaney left me. You’re all I have.”

“Delaney is probably knocked out in my bedroom,” I muttered when we got to a red light.

Brielle turned and faced me. “Can I tell you a secret?” Her words were meshed together. I nodded. “Pinky promise you won’t tell anyone?” She held up her pinky. I nodded again. “I kind of really hate the fact you’re with her,” she whispered. “I’m jealous she has you.”

Her words were music to my ears. “Can I tell you a secret, too?” I whispered. Her eyes widened and she nodded. “I really hate that you’re with Julian.”

Her gaze locked with mine until the asshole behind me beeped. The car was silent until she spoke a few minutes later. “You don’t have a right to be mad. Besides, we broke up after Thanksgiving. It’s not like I slept with him.” She shrugged.

“You broke up?”

“Yes.”

“And you didn't care to tell me?”

“Nope. I wanted you to feel a bit jealous.” She leaned her head on the seat and looked at me. “I like making you jealous because you do it to me. You’ve marked her as yours, and I hate it when she doesn’t come home because she’s with you.”

“So you do like me?”

Brielle rested her head on the seat and closed her eyes. Minutes later she responded. “You always want what you can’t have.”

“Trust me, I know.”

By the time we pulled up to her dorm she was peacefully sleeping. “Brie.”

“Hmm.”

“We’re here.”

I jogged around the car and helped her out. She leaned on me as we walked up the stairs and she fumbled with the key.

Handing it to me, she mumbled, “I can’t do it.”

I slid the key into the slot and pushed the door open. Brielle strolled to her bed, pulled the covers back, and climbed in. Digging through their make-shift kitchen, I found a bottle of water and some Advil.

“Nate,” she muttered.

“Yeah.”

“Half kisses are stupid.”

“I know.” I wrote out a note for her. “Maybe one day you’ll let me kiss you.”

“That’s if I don’t throw up on you first.” She giggled.

Placing the bottle of water and the note on her side table, I tucked her into bed. “It sucks that you won't remember this.” I brushed her hair away from her face.

“Maybe it’s better that way. I won't fall any further for you than I already have.” She smirked.

Shaking my head, I leaned forward and gently pressed my lips to the corner of hers. It was another half kiss, because when I fully kissed her I wanted her to remember it. “Goodnight, Brie,” I whispered and left her dorm knowing there was no way I could forget her.

Julian was out of the picture; he would be going home for winter break, while I stayed on campus to work. Delaney would be with her parents. I would find a way to spend every possible chance with Brielle.

CHAPTER 11

BRIELLE

CHRISTMAS EVE.

Most of the student body had returned home for the holiday season. There were a few stragglers who stayed back and I was one of them. I realized after my first semester that traveling home for the six weeks wasn’t worth the trouble. I’d spend a fortune on gas and tolls, and there was always the chance of a snow shower along my drive. And after I got home I’d only miserable for the entire month and a half until I left again. Even though I loved my mother dearly, I hated my father. And my mother turned a blind eye to his whorish behavior.

I’d settle for staying on campus, jump-starting my workload for the following semester, and enjoying having my room all to myself. I loved Delaney, but being able to blast the music as loud as I wanted and not worrying about bothering my roommate was liberating.

Christmas alone did suck, though. I considered myself a tough person, but even I had a warm place in my heart when it came to Christmas. My father wasn’t always an asshole. If I dug deep, I’d find a memory of him carrying a Christmas tree into our house. My mother’s illness became severe when I was a young girl. I did have many happy memories, even though the bad outweighed the good.

Delaney had gone on her family’s Christmas vacation, and Julian was with his family, so I planned to throw myself a Christmas party with alcohol, carbs, and chocolate.

I placed my items on the conveyer belt of the local grocery store near campus and was greeted by a kind and familiar smile.

“Hey, Chloe,” I said as I grabbed a Snickers bar from the rack. “Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas to you too, Brie.” She slid my items over the scanner one by one. “I thought you usually go home for the holidays.” Chloe was one of the few students I knew who actually lived in Charlotte.

“The drive is really long and it snows a lot in Chicago.” I shrugged. “I'm better off here.” She scanned another item and I tried to change the subject. “Working on Christmas Eve must really suck.”

“It's really not that bad. My parents don't do Christmas Eve dinner till much later in the evening, and since I'm working I don't have to help clean up the dishes while my mom cooks, which is kind of nice.”

I smiled. I’d forgotten what it was like to have a happy Christmas or what it was like to help my mother cook.

“Hey, thanks for taking Delaney home that night. I knew she had a lot to drink.” I put my items in a bag.

“What night? “She cocked her head to the side as she scanned my package of Oreos.

“The Christmas bash. At Nate's house.”

Chloe shook her head. “I didn't take her home.”

“Oh.” Had I confused Chloe for someone else? I shook my head quickly. “I'm sorry, I guess I misunderstood her.” I gave her a big smile. “Del gave me way too much to drink that night.”

“No biggie.” Chloe shrugged. “Your total is forty-six dollars and thirty two cents.”

I swiped my card, entered my pin, and waited until she gave me my receipt. “Thanks, Chloe. I'll see you around. Have a happy New Year if I don't see you.”

“You too, Brie.”

I pulled my car into the almost empty lot as I contemplated what to eat first, Oreos or ice cream. I had spent the last few hours at the market; I was obsessed with walking up and down every aisle. You’d be surprised how many people were in the store on Christmas Eve.

I popped the trunk open and hopped out of the car. It was then that I spotted him.

Nate.

I hadn’t seen him since I puked. Our last two classes together were spent writing up papers about the buildings we saw, and I never contacted him again. Things between him and Delaney had changed, as well. She was still pissed that he was Santa. Thankfully, her anger bought me two weeks without his presence in my room, but she announced before she left that they made up and all was right in the world again. I was convinced he would be spending the holiday with Delaney as it was their first Christmas together.

Julian had gone home to his mother's house, and though he invited me a bunch of times to join them for Christmas dinner, I simply said no, and he gave me the space I asked for. He texted me periodically that he hoped I was well and that he missed me, but usually I ignored him.

Nate’s gaze met mine and he rubbed his hands together to warm them before he walked in my direction. “What are you doing here?” I asked, pulling the bags from my trunk.

“I do security around campus during the winter break. Need help?” He reached inside my car and took the three paper bags.

“Thanks.” I smiled up at him, a little more eager to see him than I should have been. “Where’s your security car?” I turned my head side to side. “And your uniform?”

He shrugged and rolled his eyes. “Fine.” A boyish grin grew on his face. “I wanted to make sure you were okay. I haven’t seen you since the Christmas bash, and when I didn’t see your light on, I figured you were out.”

“You could’ve called. No need to come all the way out here.” I cocked an eyebrow and began to walk toward my dorm.

“I could’ve and would’ve but I never got your number.”

“Ah.” I twirled back toward him. “That is true.”

“Plus, I figured I’d let you thank me in person.”

‘Thank you for what?”

“Well, let’s see. Holding your hair back as you puked. Bringing you home and carrying you up the stairs. Putting you to bed—”

“Okay!” I raised my hands for him to stop. “You’re right. Thank you, for taking care of me that night.”

Nate winked at me and Pandora’s box began to shake, demanding to be opened.

We walked up the two flights of stairs and I pulled my room key out of my purse. I pushed the door open and flicked the light on.  “Thanks for carrying those up. It would have taken me two trips.”

“No problem.” Nate lowered the bags to my computer table and looked over at me.

This was the first time we were alone—really alone. I fidgeted with my keys and refused to meet his gaze.

He cleared his throat. “What are you making?”

“Coquito.” I shoved my keys in my purse and removed my jacket. “My first semester here, Del and I shared a room with a Puerto Rican girl named Analia, and right before she left for break she made us each a bottle of it.” I walked over to the bags and pulled out the rum, condensed milk and other ingredients. “It’s like eggnog but so much better.”

“Looks like you’re planning a party.” He lifted a large bottle of Bacardi Silver.

“Do you want to try it?”

“Sure.” His green eyes were bright like emerald gems. His gray zipped sweater was loose around his torso but hugged his strong arms, and his black jeans were broken in and faded. God, he looked delectable.

“Will it take long to make?”

I backed away from where we stood and opened my small fridge. Pulling out another bottle of Bacardi that was already filled with a milky concoction, I lifted it to show him. “I have a batch all set.”

“And this stuff?” He pointed to the ingredients in my bag.

“I’ll sip on this all night while I watch every Christmas movie known to man. And tomorrow is Christmas day, so in the event I run out, I have a backup stash.”

“Spoken like a true lush.” He shook his head in mock disapproval.

Ignoring his comment, I poured the Coquito into two red Solo cups and handed him one. “Cheers.” I lifted my cup up to him.

“Merry Christmas, Brielle,” he whispered.

I ignored the butterflies that instantly fluttered in my stomach and took a gulp of my drink. “Are you going back home tonight?”

I walked over to the couch. he pulled out a computer chair and sat across from me. “Nah, I’m staying around here. I’m working full time while we’re on break, so there’s no point.” He lifted the cup and took a sip. “Why are you still here?”

“The drive home sucks, and my dad isn’t the best person to be around.” I exhaled and took another gulp.

“Care to share?”

I pointed to the liquor bottle and motioned for him to hand it over. “I need more of that if you want the ugly truth.” His gaze met mine and he raised one eyebrow. “Oh,” I said sarcastically. “Don’t think I forgot about your ugly truth. If I give you mine, I need yours.”

“I guess you can kiss that bottle good-bye then, because my ugly truth isn’t ugly. It’s horrifying.” His voice was laced with seriousness and my heart clenched.

I filled my cup to the brim and handed him the bottle. I took a few big gulps and let the rum burn my throat going down. “My dad is an asshole.” I shook my head, I couldn’t believe I was finally about to admit to someone how fucked up my life at home really was, but there was something about Nate. He made me feel safe. Or maybe it was the alcohol, but if I had to guess, it was him.

“When I was five, my mother was diagnosed with Eisenmenger syndrome, a rare heart disorder. All of my parents’ savings went to pay her hospital bills. Since she was in and out of the hospital a lot for treatment, she was let go from her job.” I paused, not knowing if I could continue. I closed my eyes for a brief second and looked up at Nate. In his gaze I saw compassion.

“My dad worked two jobs to cover our mortgage and we eventually had to downsize from my mother’s dream home. She felt it was all her fault because she couldn’t find work, and my father turned to women and liquor as a way to relieve his stress. It wasn’t until much later that I learned my mother turned a blind eye and ignored that my father had affairs with countless women. She felt he resented her because they’d wanted a big family and she had a hard time getting pregnant with me. After her heart ordeal, they simply stopped trying.”

With a shaky hand, I brought the cup to my lips and took another sip. “We had to downsize again when my father stopped paying the mortgage.” I swallowed back the knot in my throat. “He pissed away my college tuition that my grandparents left me. My mother now works three odd-jobs to keep up with the household bills, and they live in a tiny two-bedroom home in a shady area. Any extra cash she has she gives to him because she feels he saved her. My mother will never see that the man she loves is a monster.”

My eyes closed for a brief moment and I felt a lone tear drop from my face. His finger brushed away the moisture and I gasped. I opened my eyes and found Nate crouched down in front of me.

“I’m sorry.” He spoke for the first time. I nodded and he returned to his chair. We sat in silence as I gathered my emotions.

“You might need more liquor for my story.”

I scoffed and kicked up my legs onto the coffee table. “Lay it on me, Wright.”

He poured more into his glass and took a few gulps before he began to speak. “My dad left my mother when I was two.” Confused, I felt my eyebrows pinch together. “Shortly afterward, she began using drugs and sex to cope with him leaving her. That’s what the foster system told me, anyway.

“When I was six years old, I went to live with a family in Mississippi. It was there I met Julian. He was four at the time, and he was a tiny kid. The people we lived with had five foster kids, and they beat the living crap out of us any time they had a shitty day. The first time Roger, my foster dad, hit Julian, was the first time I began to fight back. I was big for my age, and older than Julian, and if Roger wanted to hit one of us, I wanted it to be me. Julian was new to the system. He didn’t know that the people who were asked to care for him were worthless souls. And when you have an innocent child crying on your shoulder, it does something to you. So I stood up for him. From that point on, I became Roger’s punching bag. We lived with them for two years, and eventually the beatings didn’t bother me. I learned not to do things to piss them off, and the other kids, including Julian, were on their best behavior most of the time.”

Nate held his head low, his hands wrapped around the plastic red cup. His gaze was locked on the floor. “When I was eight, Roger was working on his car while we all played in the yard. He called out for me and asked me to go to our neighbor’s house to get him a Phillip’s head screwdriver. The second I placed it in his hand, he clenched his hand shut and slammed it across my face.”

I closed my eyes, hoping that this story would end soon.

“He chipped my tooth and I fell back on the gravel. He stood over me and swung a few times, hitting my ribs and face. It wasn't until he kicked me in the gut and I spit up blood that I realized I had enough. I stood up and spit blood at his face. I shouted that one day I would be as big as he was and, when he was least expecting it, I would kill him.”

I gasped.

His gaze locked with mine. “I was eight years old when I tried to kill him.” I closed my eyes, terrified of was he was about to tell me.

“A week after I threatened him, I took a knife from the kitchen and hid it under my mattress. He always rose during the night to use the bathroom. Most nights he was piss drunk and stumbled his way back to his room. I figured that would be the best time to do it. That night after dinner I told Julian I planned to kill Roger. We all went to bed, and when he got up to pee I reached under my mattress, but there was no knife. Someone had taken it. I heard footsteps from the bathroom and rushed to open the bedroom door, but to my surprise it was Janice, my foster mom, standing in the hallway. She told me to get to bed and to thank my little brother for saving me from doing something stupid.”

I looked at him, confused. “Julian had told Sonia what I planned to do, in detail, apparently. A few days later, I was relocated to a different foster family. I hated that I left Julian behind but I had no choice. A few years later, a woman knocked on the door and announced I had been adopted.”

Nate’s teeth ran across his lower lip, and a few seconds passed before he spoke again. “Louisa came and picked me up. I had no idea what was going on until we pulled up to her house and Julian came running out. Shortly after I was shipped off to the new foster home, Julian’s mother got her life together. She fought to get her rights back and then started the application to adopt me. He’s the reason I was taken out of the system. They gave me a home.”

I didn’t realize I was crying until a tear dripped from my cheek and landed on the back of my hand. Nate downed the remainder of his drink and licked the corners of his lips. Shaking my head in disbelief, I wiped away my tears. “I’m so sorry, Nate. I had no clue.”

He shrugged and exhaled. “It was a long time ago.”

“Why didn’t you go with Julian to Louisa’s for Christmas break?”

“I hate that she helps me pay my tuition. I know she considers me her son, but I hate that I depend on her. The reason I did two years of community college was because I didn't want her to pay for me. When I enrolled here, the tuition was still more than I could handle, so she gladly handed me a check. Any extra work I can do around campus to help lower what she has to pay is better than me sitting on her couch for four weeks. She gave me everything I ever wanted, and I don’t want her money. Her love is all I need.”

“Is that why you didn’t go to the shelter?”

“My first Thanksgiving with Louisa, we all went as a family. Apparently, when she was getting her life together, this shelter gave her a safe place to stay. It’s how she pays them back. My first time going, there was a man in charge of the whole organization. I noticed right away that he looked like me. Louisa later told me he was my biological father, the one who walked out on me when I was two years old. And you know what? He was there with his wife and three children. I had been shipped off to foster homes to live with people like Roger, and there he was looking like a saint because he funded the program.”

“Shit, Nate…”

“That was my first and only time. I asked Louisa if I could never go back and she agreed.”

“That makes sense.” I reached for the remote and pressed the on button. I couldn’t take anymore horrible stories. “Do you want to watch something?” I flicked through the channels.

“I don’t care. Whatever you want.” He reached for the half empty bottle of Coquito. “But you should probably make some more of this.”

I threw him the remote and pushed quickly off the couch to my feet. My head spun. The alcohol wasn’t helping. “I’m hungry.”

“Me, too.” Nate moved from the computer chair and sat on the couch where I had been. I walked over to the makeshift kitchen and popped two Pop-Tarts into the toaster and two hot pockets into the microwave before I busied myself with my next batch of Coquito. I poured the batch into another glass bottle and set it in the fridge to chill.

Nate found the first Home Alone on TV as I handed him a plate. “Hot Pockets and Pop-Tarts?” He looked down at the plate and then up at me. “Dinner and dessert.” I plopped down on the seat next to him. “Don’t say I never made you anything.”

When I sat, Nate stared at me intently, as though he had something on his mind.

“What?” I asked as I folded back the paper box to my hot pocket.

“I broke up with Delaney.” His gaze was locked on mine and the room began to spin. It was more like my heartbeat began to race.

“Why?” My voice was barely audible.

“Because she's not the girl I want to be with.”

I remained silent for a few seconds. His tongue ran across his lips and I scolded myself for the thoughts that ran through my mind.

“Nate . . .” I shook my head.

“I know.” He nodded and looked down at his food. “She’s your best friend. But Brie, you're my best friend, so if it's okay with you, I want to stay your friend.”

A grin grew on my face. “I'd like that very much.”

We ate, drank the rest of the bottle, and finished watching the movie. Nate chuckled and laughed at the TV and I couldn’t help but laugh along with him. When the credits began to scroll, I leaned my head back on the cushion and faced him. His gaze scanned the room.

“What?” I asked.

“Are you anti-Christmas?”

“No,” I slurred.

“Then why don’t you have a single decoration?”

“I don’t know. I was focused on finals.”

“It’s very depressing.” His gaze locked with mine again and a grin grew on his face. “You can always paint something on the wall.” I cocked my head to the side and lifted one eyebrow. “Right there!” He pointed to the blank wall behind me. “You can paint a whole tree right there. And I’ve seen your sketches. You can draw.”

I looked back at the white wall. “I guess you’re right.”

He stood and reached out for me. “Let's paint us a Christmas tree.”

“Are you insane?” I slapped his hand away.

“Are you scared?” His dark eyebrows arched mysteriously.

I jumped off the couch and jogged over to my art supplies. I pulled out the few tubes of paint I had and walked it over to him.

“That’s it?” He looked at the tubes in my hand and then back up. “That’s all you have?”

I lined them up on the coffee table.  “How big do you want this tree?”

“Most Christmas trees are what? Six feet tall?”

I stretched my hand above my head. “The only place we will find that amount of paint right now is in the art room, and that’s closed.”

“What if we break in?”

“That’s it!” I leaned over and took his cup. “No more alcohol for you.”

“Come on, Brie.” He reached up and his fingers snagged a curl that had fallen on my face. Not only was I drunk off the rum, but the second his hand touched my skin I felt high. “Please,” he added in a lower, huskier tone.

The stupid box had busted opened.

Within five minutes, we had our coats on and were running across campus toward the art center. The alcohol rushed through my body; the trees and lamp posts blurred past me as I jogged behind Nate to catch up.

The air was cool and crisp as it hit my face.  When we arrived at the art center, Nate jiggled the door but it didn’t budge. I stood next to him bent over as I tried to fill my lungs with air.

“Dude,” I gasped. “I feel like I ran a marathon.”

I straightened and rested my head on the red brick of the wall. Nate’s gaze scanned the building and surrounding area before he grabbed my hand. “Come on.” He led us around to the back. “I’ll boost you up to that window.” He pointed to one a few feet higher than my head.

“Okay . . . but that’s a closed window,” I retorted.

“No, it’s not.” He led me under the opening in question and made a stirrup of his hands on his knee. “Trust me. Step on my hands.”

“This is crazy.”

“Come on before someone drives by and sees us.”

I exhaled and shook out my hands as though I was releasing the nerves from my body, then took a few steps backward so I could get a running start. I jogged toward Nate, laid my hands on his broad shoulders, then stepped into his hands and in one swift motion he lifted me high and my waist was level with the upper story window. I pressed my hands against the cool glass pane and pushed it up. After it slid open a few inches I climbed in.

I found myself in an empty classroom “Holy shit!” I peeked my head out the window to where Nate was smiling up at me with a wide grin. “How the hell did you know?”

“Step back.” He motioned with his hand for me to move. He took a few steps back then ran and jumped up. His hands met with the window sill and he pulled himself up.

He closed the window. “You good?” he whispered.

“Yeah,” I said breathlessly.

“Let’s go get us some paint.”

We made our way out of the empty classroom and down the long, dark hallway. I stood behind him, and his tall frame shielded me from anyone who might be walking toward us. We jogged up two flights of stairs and over to the art supply closet. Like the building doors, it too was closed.

“Now what?” I muttered.

“Patience.” Nate shoved his hand into his back pocket, pulled out his wallet, and retrieved what looked like a couple of bobby pins.

“You just happen to keep those on you?” I joked.

“When you grow up like I did.” He shoved the first pin inside the keyhole. “When foster dad after foster dad shoves you into the bedroom and locks the door from the outside.” He wiggled the second one in. “You learn to pick locks at a very young age.”

Images of a young Nate being bruised, hurt, and locked in a room flashed through my mind. My lips parted to say I was sorry, but Nate pushed the door open.

“Come on, let’s grab some paint.”

Nate and I stuffed our pockets with tubes and paint. I grabbed every red and green tube there was while Nate focused on all the other colors of the rainbow. Once our pockets were filled, we rushed out of the room and down the long hallway. Nate opened the window and jumped out. He turned and looked up at me.

“Come on.”

“It’s too high,” I whispered.

“I’ll catch you.”

“Fuck.” I exhaled, then climbed out of the window and sat on the ledge. “This seems higher than before.”

“You’re drunk. If you hurt yourself, you won’t feel it.”

“Thanks.”

“On three, push off. One. Two. Three—”

I pushed off the ledge and fell directly into Nate’s arm. “Holy shit!”

“See? Not so bad.”

I slid down his body. When my feet were secured on the ground, I asked him, “How did you know that window would be open?”

“I had a class in that room my first semester here. The teacher was always late and there was this one kid who smoked outside that window. He broke the lock and they never fixed it. I took a chance and hoped it was still broken, because if not, we’d still be out here.”

I laughed and slapped his chest. “You made me break into school.”

“You only live once. Let’s go; we have a tree to paint.” Nate began to run.

Nate poured us another cup of Coquito as I set up the paint and brushes. This was probably the worst idea ever to paint while under the influence, but I was having too much fun to stop now. Home Alone 2 played in the background as we painted the bare wall next to my computer desk red. I drew out a larger rectangle as our guideline. It was six feet tall and three feet wide. I worked on the lower portion of the square while Nate focused on the top.

“Can I ask you something?” I said once we found our painting groove.

“What’s up?”

I knew it was the alcohol speaking, but I couldn’t stop the words that began to pour out of my mouth. “Why did you ask me out if you were sorta seeing Del already?”

I felt Nate go still for a few seconds before he began to paint again. “I took your parking spot knowing you were waiting for it, and I kind of felt bad, but I was late. Then, when you walked toward class, you stared at me with those brown eyes and I knew I was in for it. I knew I wanted to know more about you.”

I shook my head and continued to focus on the red paint.

“Can I ask you something?” His voice bounced off the wall and straight into my heart.

“Sure.”

“Why have you been avoiding me since the Christmas bash?”

I shifted to paint the other corner. “I wasn’t ignoring you, per se. It’s more like I’m embarrassed since I puked in front of you.”

“It has nothing to do with the fact we almost kissed?”

Shocked by his question, I dropped my paintbrush into a cup filled with water. “Shit.” I exhaled and shook the excess water off the brush. Droplets of water bounced off the brush and landed on Nate’s jeans—little red dots that covered the legs of his pants. “Uh oh,” I whispered and began to giggle.

“What did you do?” He looked down at me.

“Nothing.”

“Brie, what did you do?”

“Nothing, I swear.” I sat back and laughed until tears pooled in my eyes.

“What is it?” Nate looked around. It wasn’t until he lifted his feet that he noticed the red paint splattered all over his jeans. “You sneaky little . . .”

“It was an accident, I swear.” I held my stomach as I laughed. Nate dipped his paintbrush into a cup of water and looked at me. His eyes held mischief, and a sideways grin appeared on his face. “Don’t!” I held up a hand to block him but he completely ignored my request and flicked the brush. Wet red paint flew at me, red dots covering my clothes.

Nate laughed as I rushed to stand. Grabbing my brush, I charged toward him. He read my mind and grabbed my wrist, pinning me to the wall. All the air vanished from my lungs. His hard body pressed against mine and I dropped the paintbrush when I felt his erection growing between us. My breath came out in spurts as I found the courage to look up at him. His eyes pierced mine and his need for me was as clear as day.

Nate released his grip of my hands and reached for my face. His hands tightened around the hair at the nape of my neck. “For months I’ve been trying to forget what your lips felt like.” His nose ran up the side of mine and along my cheek. “I should have kissed you that night—and not a half one.” His warm breath was on my skin; his mouth only millimeters away. “I should have grabbed you like this and had one taste of your lips, even if it was just that once.” He pressed his erection into my pelvis and I lifted my leg around his waist, letting him push against my core. “Tell me not to do this, Brie.”

I looked deep into his eyes. I wanted this. I wanted everything he wanted to give me. His tongue slid across his lips and I couldn’t take it anymore. I didn’t care if it was wrong. In that moment I didn’t care who we hurt. All I cared was his lips were on mine.

“Kiss me.” The words slipped out of my mouth.

Nate growled and wrapped his firm hands around my body. His mouth captured mine in a full kiss. I was drowning in him, but I refused to come up for air. My hands reached around his neck and entwined in his hair. Nate kissed me with hunger, want and desperation.

He released his hand from my hair and lifted me to his waist. My legs clung around his body as he kissed my cheek, my neck, and moved down my shoulder. The need to be with him had me aching for his touch.

Nate pressed me harder against the wall and lowered both the straps of my camisole and bra. In one swift movement, he had my breast out and his tongue swirled around my nipples.

“Oh. Fuck. Nate.” I moaned each word in ecstasy.

Nate released my nipple and captured my mouth in his again. “You’re so perfect,” he grunted. “Fucking perfect.”

With his lips on mine, he carried me from the wall and to the couch. I ripped my top off and he lay on top of me. My greedy hands reached for his shirt as he kissed the mounds of my breasts. From the outside of my jeans, he rubbed my clit.

“Yes,” I whimpered. I wanted his hands all over my body.

Nate’s tongue took turns teasing each of my breasts until I felt I was about to burst. His grunts and moans only built my need to have him inside me. Yanking his head away from my breast, I pulled him to my mouth.

His lips brushed mine gently. “Brielle.” He said my name as he stared deep into my eyes. His hand unbuttoned my jeans, and before I could utter a sound, he was down my pants with his finger deep inside me.

I cried out in pleasure.

“You’re soaked,” he moaned against my lips. Nate’s fingers dipped in and out of me in rhythm.

“Please don’t stop.” I pushed down on his hand.

Nate growled and pulled his hand out of my pants. He kneeled on the floor and pulled my jeans off with one quick tug. His fingers hooked the soft cotton booty shorts and gently pulled them off. Soft lips followed them down my legs. Each inch he pulled on my shorts was another kiss he placed on my leg.

I was aching. Pent up with need. Nate’s hands ran up my legs and goosebumps rose all over my body. I reached behind me and unhooked my bra. Naked, I waited for him to do whatever he wanted with me.

He pushed my legs apart and lowered his mouth to my core. I felt my eyes roll to the back of my head as his warm tongue licked along my clit.

“Nate, please, don’t stop,” I moaned.

His tongue flicked and sucked everything I had to give. He took his time drawing my orgasm out of me. Any time I was close, he slowed down only to start all over again. Minutes passed and I couldn’t hold it anymore.

“Please,” I begged.

Nate shoved one finger inside me while his tongue lapped at my clit. Within seconds, the world went dark and my body exploded as my legs shook and I screamed out his name.

When my breathing returned to normal, I looked at Nate. “There are condoms in the drawer.” I pointed to the nightstand that divided the two beds.

He ran to the drawer and walked back. He stood tall in front of me and I sat up on the couch. My hand ran down his abdomen and unbuttoned his jeans. Lowering his jeans and boxers, I reached for his thick, hard cock. I stroked it gently as he tore the foil wrapper.

Nate slid the condom down his shaft and I lay back. He kissed my stomach, breasts and neck as he climbed on top of me. His forehead rested on mine when I felt him at my opening. My lips kissed his, his tongue playing with mine as he sank each inch inside me.

“Fuck,” he growled. “You’re fucking tight.” He sank deep inside me and I whimpered. Months. It had been almost ten months since I had sex.

Nate gave me a few seconds to adjust and then he began to thrust in and out. It was gentle at first but like a small fire it grew until we were both panting, desperate for air. He grunted my name as I moaned his. He called me beautiful while I begged him not to stop. Our bodies grew damp with sweat. I clung to his body and when my second orgasm took over, my fingernails scraped down his back. Nate buried his head in the crook of my neck and pounded deep into me, finding his own release.

He lay atop me until our breathing calmed. His hand traced the lines of my face. “Hi,” he whispered and leaned down to kiss me.

I hugged him tightly, not wanting this moment to fade away. Between the alcohol in my system and feeling sated from sex, my eyelids were heavy. “I’m sleepy.”

Nate kissed the tip of my nose and stood. I bypassed the paint supplies, threw a T-shirt over my bare body, and crawled into bed. I didn’t know if the arms that held me were Nate’s or my imagination, but sleep soon followed and I was oblivious to everything else.

I woke the following morning to my phone ringing. My head was heavy and there was someone else in my bed. Nate. My mind reminded me of the previous night.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck!

I dug under the covers until I found my cell phone. A new text message appeared on the screen. My eyes squinted as I adjusted to the brightness.

Delaney: Merry Christmas! Love you!

I closed my text message and noticed I had a missed call from Julian.

What the fuck did I do?

“Mmm,” Nate moaned and pulled me closer.

“You need to leave.” I tried to pull his hand off my body.

“Five more minutes.” He held me closer and kissed my shoulder.

“Seriously!” I began to panic as guilt permeated my body. “Get out.”

“Brie.” Nate lifted his head off the pillow. Confusion ran across his face.

“What we did last night never happened, do you understand?” I began to kick the sheets off our bodies. “It. Never. Happened.”

“Fuck.” He wiped the sleep off his face. “Brie, wait.”

“You need to leave.” I hopped off the bed and gathered his clothes from the floor.

“Can we talk about it?”

“No!” I threw his shirt at him. “There is nothing to talk about. Nothing happened.”

“We can’t do that.” He shoved his shirt over his head. My gaze met his eyes and then I pulled them away.

“She’s my best friend!” I pulled a pair of pajama bottoms from my dresser and slid them on. “He’s your brother!” I scurried around the room looking for a hair tie. Tubes of paint were scattered around the floor. My eyes refused to look up at the red wall.

“Where does that leave us?’

“Nowhere!” I shouted. “Don’t you get it? This is wrong. So fucking wrong, and people will be hurt by our actions.”

Nate stood up from the bed and walked toward me. His boxers hung at his waist and I tried to ignore the fact he made me feel things I had never experienced before. “Tell me you don’t feel this.”

“Nathaniel.” I bowed my head.

“Tell me what happened last night wasn’t perfect.” He strolled closer until his body towered over mine. His hands ran across my cheek and lifted my chin. “You feel it, too. I know it.”

Closing my eyes, I shook my head. “It doesn’t matter what I feel. What we did was wrong.” I bit my lip and hoped the tears wouldn’t come. “Please, Nate, you have to leave.”

His let his hand drop and walked past me. I turned to see him slide his jeans up his legs, put his shoes on, and grab his jacket. “When you’ve cleared your mind, we can talk.”

It was the last thing he said before he left my room.

My heart ached. Guilt pressed on my lungs and made it impossible to breathe. Tears began to drip down my face as I realized I could never have the man I wanted.

Crawling back into bed, I pulled the covers over my body. His scent lingered in my sheets and I found myself coiling around them as I cried myself to sleep. Shame resonated deep within me but it didn’t come alone. It brought doubt and insecurity to the party.

I was a fucked up person.

CHAPTER 12

BRIELLE

I IGNORED the world after my night with Nate. I never texted Delaney back, and I ignored Julian completely. At one point, I even began to pack my bags to head back home, but a nor’easter stopped my trip. I sat in my room—alone—for an entire week. I only left to shower, but that was just down the hall.

Somewhere between Christmas and New Year's Eve, a random text message appeared on my cellphone.

Unknown: Can we talk?

Me: Who is this?

Unknown: Nate

Me: How did you get my number?

Unknown: Julian texted me to see if I had seen you around campus. Apparently, you’re ignoring him.

Me: I’m ignoring you, too!

Unknown: What we did felt too right to be a mistake.

Me: I’m not talking to you.

Unknown: You can’t ignore me forever.

Me: Watch me!

On New Year’s Eve, I sat in my room watching the ball drop in Times Square. I had avoided any alcoholic beverages for the past week. Rum had gotten me in enough trouble as it was, but I didn’t see any harm in tequila. It was New Year's, after all.

I had cleaned and repainted the wall back to its original color, and found Delaney’s stash of her favorite boys: Jose, Jameson, Johnny and Jim. I figured tequila was the easiest to drink straight up, and grabbed the bottle of Jose Cuervo.

Thousands of people gathered around Times Square in the blistering cold to watch a giant lit-up ball ring in the new year. People arrived in the heart of Manhattan around ten in the morning to hold their spots. And once the ball dropped, everyone disappeared. I thought it was the stupidest thing.

Jose agreed.

A few minutes before midnight, my phone buzzed next to me.

Nate: Can I see you?

I wanted to say yes. Hell, even Jose was screaming at me to agree. But I couldn’t.

Me: No.

Nate: I’m outside.

Me: I don’t care. I’m not seeing you.

After I sent the text message, I ran to the window to see if I spotted his car. It was nowhere in sight.

I grabbed my phone.

Me: Liar

Nate: I didn’t say I was outside your dorm. I’m working, so I can drive by if you want.

Me: No. I don’t want to see you.

Nate: Now who’s the liar?

“Ugh!” I tossed the phone and poured myself another shot.

The ball dropped and a new year was upon us. I was drunk and alone. I dragged my feet and climbed into bed. This new year I would be a better person. That was my resolution.

My phone vibrated in my hand with a new text message. Instantly, my heart rate sped up. But it wasn’t from Nate.

Julian: Happy New Year. I miss you, Brie.

Guilt echoed in my chest.

I was a liar.

I tossed my phone to the side and let the effects of the tequila guide me into a deep sleep

The new semester was about to start, so the university was busy with students returning from break. Delaney returned a week before classes started. Her skin was beautifully tanned from her vacation in Belize, and though she looked sun kissed, she seemed off. Her eyes were puffy and surrounded by dark circles She tossed her suitcase on the bed and sighed. “We broke up,” she whimpered.

“Oh, Delaney.” I tried to act as though I had no clue. I never asked Nate when he did it. I didn't want him to tell me anything. I knew when she returned she would need me there for her.

“He's such an ass.” She tossed her clothes on the bed. “He broke up with me right as I left. I wasn't even home yet when he called.” Her voice broke and I knew she was holding her tears in.

I, on the other hand, felt like the worst friend. Bowing my head, I avoided her gaze and let her vent. “He's no good for me, anyway. Daddy always said I should be with a man who has a wealthy background. Someone who can provide for me. And the only thing Nathaniel has for him is his looks. I’ll find someone better.”

Delaney sat on the couch and began to tell me how happy she was to be back and how this semester she wouldn't be a lost puppy trailing after a boy, but all I could picture was how Nate had been on top of me in the exact spot where she sat. Instantly, I felt I was drowning. I was suffocating and the walls were closing in on me. I couldn't lie to her. I hated what I did.

Unable to sit there any longer, I shot up from my bed and walked across the room to grab my bag.

“Where are you going?” Delaney asked. Her eyebrows were furrowed and confusion appeared on her face.

“I need to go to the library. I completely forgot I signed up to do some tutoring this semester.”

“Brie,” she complained. “I just got back.”

“I know.” I shook my head, hating the fact I was about to lie to her again. “It's just that I have three people to help this semester and I can't fall behind in my own work.” I inhaled and let guilt filter through my body. “I'll be quick. Rest up and we’ll chat later.”

I started to walk toward the door when her voice stopped me in my tracks.

“Did you paint the wall?”

My heart began to accelerate in my chest. I turned slowly. “Yeah,” I said in a shaky voice. “I tried to do a dry erase board for us with this paint I found at the hardware store, but it didn't work out.”

“Oh.” She seemed disappointed. “Maybe we can do a chalkboard instead?”

“Yeah,” I agreed. “We'll go to the paint store sometime soon.” I didn't wait for her response as I walked out of the room.

Strolling past my car, I let the cool, crisp air hit my face.  A walk across campus would help clear my mind.

It was a simple mistake.

Nate and I . . . It was . . . nothing.

It had to be nothing.

It was one drunken night.

That was it.

But I knew deep down that wasn't true.

I looked up into the clear sky. Though the sun was out, it didn't warm my skin. “What the hell am I doing?” I asked the world.

Everything would be fine, I told myself. Nate wouldn't be in any of my classes this semester. And Delaney wouldn't be bringing Nate around, so I would ignore the situation and it would all work itself out. It had to.

Digging in my pocket, I pulled my cell phone out and sent Julian a text message.

Me: Are you back on campus?

Within seconds he responded.

Julian: Yes.

Me: Do you want to meet up? Talk?

Julian: Yes :)

Me: Java Joes at 3?

Julian: I'll be there.

A cloud of warm air hit me like in an inferno when I pulled back the heavy glass door. I gave a staff member a kind smile and headed for the stairs that led to the second floor. Along the walls were wooden tables used for quiet studying. I walked to the farthest corner, the last table. No one would find me there. I would be completely alone.

Scattering my books and papers across the table, I flipped my laptop open, silenced my phone, and got to work.

My back was toward the door but I felt him approach. When I heard footfalls behind me, my heartbeat began to race. The passage I was reading became a scramble of words on the page.

There was no hiding. I couldn’t simply pick up my belongings and run. Slowly, I inhaled and closed my eyes. I had to face Nate. Closing my laptop, I began to shove everything back in my bag.

“Hi,” he said as he pulled a chair out and sat across from me. At first, I was hesitant to meet his gaze, but the pull was undeniable. I couldn't deny myself. He looked . . . like a dream. He smiled at me, and his emerald green eyes lit up.

I was fucked.

There was something between us,

I couldn’t ignore it.

It was like a fire that refused to burn out.

“What are you doing here?” My voice was barely audible.

“Tracking you down.” He licked his lips. “I’ve been looking for you all day. All week.”

“Why?” I pulled my gaze away from his lips.

“Because you can’t avoid me any longer.” His gaze was stern and his eyebrows pinched together.  “We need to talk.”

I pushed back my chair and stood. My brain felt scattered, as though it lacked oxygen. It was impossible to focus. “There is nothing to talk about, Nate.” I shoved a few more things in my bag.

“Is that how you want to do this?” His low voice made goosebumps rise all over my body. “Nothing happened between us?”

I closed my eyes for a brief moment, and hoped when I opened them this would all be a dream. A nightmare that would soon pass. But when I lifted my lids he was standing right in front of me. His tall frame towered over me and the smell of his cologne teased my senses. I wanted to lace my arms around his neck and have him hold me for all eternity.

But I couldn’t.

“Nothing. Happened,” I told him.

He moved a step closer, his gaze trailing up my body. “So, what we did . . .” He lifted his hand and brushed it across my cheek. “It didn’t mean anything to you?”

I whimpered at his touch and closed my eyes. Why did it feel so right with him? “Please.” Was I begging him to stop or to kiss me? I couldn’t tell. His touch was electrifying.

“You feel it.” His forehead pressed against mine. “This pull between us. I know you feel it, too.” I forced myself to shake my head, but my mind refused to work.

Nate’s breath was minty and warm against my skin. He inhaled my scent and I felt wanton in his arms. No matter how wrong a situation is, when your heart wants something, there isn’t anything you can do to fight it. The heart wants what the heart wants. I never understood that phrase until now.

My heart wanted him.

My soul craved him.

But he was forbidden.

He took his time running his nose along my cheek. Teasing me with each passing second, he kissed along my cheek, chin and the tip of my nose.

I anticipated his kiss.

I longed for it.

I was becoming an addict waiting for its hit.

“Open your eyes, Brielle.”

I shook my head ever so slowly.

“Brielle.” He said my name as if it was chocolate in his mouth. “I want you to see me kiss you.”

Both scared and excited, I opened my eyes. Trapped in the endless emerald green sea that was his eyes, I stood before him helplessly. My heart raced a mile a second. A small boyish grin grew on his face.

I was fucked.

I was a horrible person.

I would deal with the consequence of my actions later.

Because I was done.

Completely, utterly, done.

My lips parted slightly and a calming sensation passed through my body as his lips pressed against mine and the world around us seemed to stop. He wrapped his arms around my body and deepened his kiss. His tongue twirled with mine and any fear, guilt, or remorse vanished.

Being in his arms, captured by his kiss, was everything I ever prayed for.

Nate pressed his body to mine and ran his hand up my back until my hair was tangled in his fingers. I whimpered in ecstasy, hoping we never had to stop.

In the back corner of the campus library, I was in heaven.

Until I heard a soft buzzing from my cell phone.

Gasping for air, I pushed on his chest. “I can’t,” I said as I tried to catch my breath. Nate released my body from his grip. “I have to go. I have to meet Julian.”

“Are you going to tell him? Nate asked.

Pressing my fingertips to my eyes, I tried to calm my breathing.  “No.” My voice was shaky. I scanned Nate's eyes. “This was a mistake. It was a lack of good judgement.” I closed my eyes and forced the feeling of pure joy out of my system. “It won't happen again, so there’s no need to tell them.”

Nate took a step forward to close the gap between us. His hand reached up to brush back a curl and I swatted his hand away. “Stop!” My hands waved in front of him. “She is my best friend. He is your brother.”

“We can tell them.” He spoke softly. His tongue ran along his lips. “We can tell them the truth.”

“What good will that do?” I felt tears pool in my eyes.  “It would hurt him, it would destroy her, and at the end of the day we couldn’t be together.”

“Why not?” He scanned my face for some sort of answer. “God damn it, Brie, why should we deny what we feel for each other because of them?”

My head shook. “It was a physical attraction that led us to do a horrible thing. Nothing more. You’re my ex boyfriend’s brother. My best friend’s ex. Any way you look at it, it's wrong.”

“That's not fair.”

“Life isn't fair.” I brushed back a tear. “Do you really want to hurt your brother that way?” I paused for a second and let my question hang. “Do you really want to destroy the bond you have, because of me?  Because honestly, I can't do that to Delaney. She’s like my sister.”

Nate bowed his head and exhaled. “You're right.” When he looked up at me again, his eyes were different. Something about them caused a chill to run up my spine. “I'm sorry,” he muttered but I didn’t believe him.

I bit the inside of my lip, refusing to let another tear fall. This was the closure I needed. In a few weeks, any feeling I had toward him would have passed. Forcing a smile to my face, I grabbed my bag. “Bye,” I whispered. I didn’t wait for him to respond as I walked toward the stairs.

I found myself in the women’s bathroom a few minutes later. Splashing cool water on my face, I attempted to compose myself. I studied my reflection in the mirror and swallowed back the pent up emotion that had lodged itself in my throat. “You will not cry,” I whispered to myself. “You can’t be with him.” I repeated it a few dozen times.

Inhaling, I straightened, held my shoulders back, and left the bathroom to meet Julian.

The heavy ceramic mug filled with caffeine and creamy goodness warmed my hands. I probably should have ordered a decaf coffee since I couldn’t stop my feet from bouncing, but my problem wasn’t the caffeine; it was the thought of meeting Julian. The last time I saw him, we left our friendship up in the air. His conduct and mannerisms made me question him as my friend.

The bells tied to the entry door jingled and in he walked. His winter hat covered his head and when he noticed me, a wide smile brightened his face. I stood to meet him.

“Hi,” he said when he walked over. He embraced me in his arms.

“Hi.” I wrapped my arms around his neck in a hug.

Julian held me a few long seconds before he let me go. “Have you been waiting long?” He looked down at his watch. “I thought you said three?”

I shook my head. “I just got here.”

A barista walked over with a notepad in hand and turned to Julian. “Can I get you something to drink?” she asked sweetly.

“White cinnamon sage tea, please.”

Sitting across from him, we waited in silence until the barista returned with his cup of hot water and paper wrapped tea bag. He opened it and dropped it in his cup to steep.

I lifted my eyes from his mug to his face. “How’ve you been?”

“Good, can’t complain. Glad to be back on campus.” He took a sip and lowered his cup in front of him. “I’m better now that I’m here with you.” He reached a hand out to grasp mine but stopped. “Brie, I'm sorry.” Julian dropped his eyes. “I overreacted that night. I should never have spoken to you that way.”

I reached across the table and entwined my hands with his. My vision blurred with unshed tears. He was apologizing to me, but I was the one who had betrayed him. Julian wasn't a bad guy. He was sweet and caring, and more importantly, he adored me. He didn't deserve what I did to him. “Julian, I don't want you to apologize.”

“I have to.” His voice was shaky as he clenched my hand. “I’ve given you the space you asked for, but Brie, you're a friend I truly care about. The way we left things . . .” He slowly shook his head. “You're not supposed to treat the people you love like I treated you. And for that, Brielle, I'm sorry. Truly sorry.”

I cleared my throat and forced a smile to my face. “Julian, I'm sorry.” I should have told him everything, but the words were lodged in my throat. “It’s not fair for you. I know how you feel for me, and even though we’re friends, I should have taken your feelings into consideration” Pausing, I waited for him to look up. “I never really gave us a try. My mind has been so preoccupied with finishing school and everything else that our relationship was put on the back burner.” My voice cracked and a tear dripped from my cheek. I knew where my mind had really been all this time. “I never gave us a chance and that’s not fair to you.  I know that you love me. I can't give you what you want from me, but I’d be honored to be your friend, if that's okay.”

“I'd like that.” His thumb ran across my knuckles.

I choked back the tears that threatened to escape and forced myself to smile. Julian could make me happy.

If only I wasn't falling for his brother.

CHAPTER 13

BRIELLE

LOVE WAS FUCKED UP. Whoever said it was the most wonderful and beautiful thing in the world was full of shit. I was a straight A student, but when it came to falling in love, I failed miserably. It wasn't that I didn't know how to love. I loved unconditionally and hopelessly. It was simply that I fell in love for the wrong guy. I tried, sweet lord, did I try to fall in love with someone else—anyone else. Hell, I even tried to fall in love with his brother.

Instead, I fell in love with Nate.

Fucked.

I was fucked.

Two weeks after my encounter with Nate in the library, I believed everything was right in the world. Delaney and I were back to our usual way, Julian and I had cleared the air, and I put my slip-up with Nate behind me. We had rearranged our room so a massive wardrobe covered the wall Nate and I painted. Any reminder of that night was put to rest.

Everything was perfect.

Until it wasn't.

I was in the library first thing Saturday morning prepping for the new student I was assigned to tutor. Usually, I’d have a chance to learn more about them and what subject they needed help with, but he’d only signed up the night before.

My back was turned to the door in the Learning Center so I didn’t spot him walk in, but the sound of someone clearing his throat caught my attention. I turned to face him with a wide grin on my face.

“Good Morn—” My words fell flat as Nate stood on the other side of the desk. “What are you doing here?” I crossed my arms over my chest.

His lips turned up in a boyish grin and he held up the form we had every student fill out. “You’re my new tutor.”

“No!” I shook my head in disbelief. “Hell, no.” I snatched the paper from his hand. This had to be a joke. But his name was clear and he was assigned to me for biology. “You’re a straight A student, Nate. You don’t need help.” I tossed the paper back at him.

The stupid grin lingered on his face. “Not when it comes to biology.”

“Then take another science.”

Nate laid his textbook on the table and pulled out a letter from the Dean. “I took biology my first semester at county college. I passed with a D. The Dean is willing to let me retake it and the new grade will be the one on my transcript. If I do well, I can graduate Summa Cum Laude.” He paused for a moment. “Please, Brie. I’m asking you as a friend and nothing else. I really need your help on this.”

“No, there are other tutors. I’ll have you assigned to someone else.”

“You’re the only one who excelled in Professor Gorev’s class. I wouldn’t ask if there was someone else. I’m begging you, Brie.”

There was a small pinch in my heart. How could I say no? “Fine.” I threw my hands in the air. “But there are rules.”

“I can follow rules.” His voice was sleek and seductive.

“That!” I pointed at him. “None of that! No sexy voice. No flirting. No touching. No meeting for coffee. We only study here, got it?”

“Got it.”

I handed Nate an orange piece of paper with the hours I was available to tutor. “You can come anytime I’m here. During the week, it’s a little busier.”

He scanned the paper. “Wow, you’re here all the time.” He lifted his eyes from the paper and met my gaze. “Do you still work at the dentist’s office?”

“Yes, I still work there, but only once a week.” I shifted my weight from one foot to the other. “I actually get a lot of my own work done while I’m here. Plus, I’m free Friday and Saturday nights, which I spend with Julian.” I threw the last statement in there as a jab.

“I see.” He nodded. “Shall we get to work?” Nate handed me his syllabus and pulled out a chair from under one of the round tables.

“Yeah.”

I exhaled my nerves and ignored the hazard lights that were flashing in my head, warning that this was a bad idea.

In truth, it was by far one of the stupidest ideas I ever had.

Helping Nate with biology was a breeze. Every Saturday morning, he was there at eight a.m. It was only the two of us, and Terri the admin for the learning center. She opened the library and sat in the back office filing paperwork while we studied. He was always on time, followed my rules, and came prepared with a list of questions about the lecture. Once our time was up, he packed his bag, said good-bye, and left. There was never any fuss about hanging out afterward or him walking me to my car. Most of the time it felt as if he was a complete stranger. Of course, I never mentioned to Delaney or Julian that I was tutoring him. I never broadcast who I tutored so it wasn’t as if I was intentionally lying. They never asked, and I never said anything.

“I have something to show you,” Nate said as he tossed his backpack on the table. His deep voice never stopped having an effect on me.

I was turning on the main computer when he slid a sheet of paper toward me. A bold B plus was marked in red ink at the top of the page. “This is awesome, Nate.” I beamed. I flipped through the papers that were stapled together at the left corner until my eyes landed on a question he answered wrong.

In cells, which of the following can catalyze reactions involving hydrogen peroxide, provide cellular energy, and make proteins, in that order?

“I know what you’re going to say,” he rushed to say as I handed him back the test. “We went over it. It was a stupid mistake. I was in a hurry to finish.”

“It was your first test. You did great.”

Nate licked his lips and smiled at me. It was such a simple thing, but the way his tongue ran across his smooth skin made my heart rate accelerate.

I clapped my hands and inhaled. “Let’s get to work, shall we?”

My neck ached from the position it rested on the pillow I shared with Julian. The soft chimes from the alarm I had programmed on my phone indicated it was time to get up. From the window in his dorm room, I knew it was too early to be awake on a Saturday morning but I had to get to the library.

Julian shifted on the bed, his back toward mine. “It's too early,” he complained.

We had ordered Chinese takeout the night before and then watched Remember the Titans until we passed out. This was the second time I slept at his place, but we were only friends and he never crossed the line with me. He even slept on top of the covers in the opposite direction. These were the moments I tried to fall for him, when it was only the two of us, but it never happened, not when the memory of Nate still haunted me from time to time.

“I have to get to the library.” My voice was hoarse, barely more than a whisper.

“Anything that wakes you this early on a Saturday should be a crime.”

Stretching my arms over my head, I moaned with exhaustion and pain from sharing a twin sized bed with a grown man. “I'll call you as soon as I finish.” My lips brushed against his cheek and I rolled out of bed. I discarded his T-shirt and slipped on my jeans and sweater before digging into my purse to locate my toothbrush. Luckily enough, Julian's roommate Edwin had spent the night out so I didn't have to feel guilty about waking him, as well. Within fifteen minutes I was dressed and heading toward my car.

Outside, the morning was gray and blustery as heavy rain clouds gathered in the sky. It was early February and the weather forecast predicted a rainy weekend. Tossing my bag on the passenger seat, I slid my key into the ignition and turned it. The lights on my dashboard flickered but the alternator only clicked. The engine didn’t turn over. My battery was dead.

“Fuck!” I slammed my hands on the steering wheel. Turning the key, I tried one more time. “Come on, baby. Please turn on, please.”

The car wouldn't budge.

Julian didn't have a car I could borrow, and I only had twenty minutes to get across campus. There was no way Delaney was up at this godawful hour, and there was no way in hell I was calling Nate to pick me up. I was left with one option.

I had to run.

Zipping my coat all the way up, I tossed the hood over my head and willed my feet to move as fast as possible before the rain came down. Julian's dorm was about a mile and a half from the library, and between jogging and speed walking, I managed to get nearly across campus before the rain began.

The library was still 500 feet away when the heavy clouds that had been threatening a massive rainstorm began to pour over me. This wasn't a light shower; it was more like a hurricane and I was soaked by the time I reached the entrance. More than ready for shelter from the weather, I tugged on the door handle but it didn't budge.

“Seriously?” I shouted to the universe. I pounded on the door. Terri should have been here by now. I looked inside and noticed the lights were all off. There was no one there.

“Brielle.” I heard my name behind me. I held one hand over my eyes so the rain wouldn't get in my face, and squinted to see. Nate was jogging toward me with an umbrella.

“Terri isn’t here!” I shouted over the hard pebbles of water that splashed against the concrete.

“Come on, you're soaking wet.” He raised the umbrella to cover me. “You’ll get pneumonia.”

Nate led me to his car, our feet splashing in vast puddles forming in the parking lot. He held his Jeep door open for me and I climbed into the warm car. The scent of leather and his cologne was a sweet mixture. Jogging around the car, he pulled back the driver side door and hopped in, turned on the car, and blasted the heat.

“Are you trying to kill yourself?” he demanded. He shifted all the car vents in my direction. “We’re getting a Nor’easter.”

“It wasn't raining when I left Julian’s,” I stuttered, my body trembling as my jaw shook from the cold.

“Take off your jacket. It's drenched.”

I discarded my jacket and tossed it behind me, then took the sweater he found on his back seat.

“Why is it so freaking cold?” I whimpered. Nate’s warm hands rubbed up and down my arms as he attempted to warm my body. “My car wouldn't start.” I held my hand to the vent to catch the heat.

“It's okay. I'll warm you up.” Nate cupped my hand and brought it to his lips. Gently, he blew on them and kissed my fingers. It was a simple touch. One that stoked my heart. I was frozen on the outside, but the second his lips touched my skin, a fire began to burn inside me.

Neither of us spoke as he placed chaste kisses on my hand. The thundering of the torrential downpour hitting his car surrounded us.

Nate’s gaze met mine. I needed to stop. I needed to pull my hand away.

But there was no denying what we both wanted.

Nate effortlessly cupped the side of my face and brought my lips to his. It was soft at first, his warm lips to my cold. He inhaled my scent and my mouth opened for him as a plea. Nate deepened our kiss, his tongue twisting and twirling with mine. My hand ran through his hair as I submitted to his mouth. Moans escaped the back of my throat while Nate grunted and gripped the nape of neck.

Hungry.

Desperate.

Consuming.

Pulling away from me, his eyes scanned mine. “I’m sorry.” He kissed my lips again. “I never want to stop this,” he whispered. His mouth trailed across my cheek and down my neck. My eyes opened and I spotted a security car headed our way.

“Stop,” I moaned. “We need to get out of here before we get caught.” I should have stopped him completely. The smart thing would have been to get in the security car and ask them to drive me home. But in that moment, the only thing I wanted was to feel Nate’s lips on me.

CHAPTER 14

NATHANIEL

MY ENTIRE LIFE I’ve felt worthless. My father left me, my mother didn’t care, and every foster home I lived in made me feel like an obligation rather than loved. Even when Louisa adopted me, I felt like a responsibility. I had stood up for her kid, so she was returning the favor.

It was hard to grow up feeling like the kid no one wanted, so I acted out in school because of it. It wasn’t until my senior year of high school that I realized it was my life and I had two choices: be the asshole kid and become the asshole adult, or change my ways. So I changed. Although being worthy of someone’s love was never something I fixated on. It became irrelevant to me.

Until Brielle.

One taste of her and I was willing to move mountains for her. There wasn’t anything I’d let stand in my way. She made me feel worthy. The connection we shared was undeniable. It transformed into something much larger, something I no longer wanted to control. So I tracked her down in the library, held her in my arms, and kissed her furiously. When she turned me down and refused to admit what we had was perfect, I sat on the long wooden table and watched as she packed up her stuff and stormed off to meet my brother.

Since Christmas, I couldn't focus. I couldn't sleep. The only thing on my mind was her. It was wrong in every sense of the word, but I needed to have her. I wasn't lying when I said I didn't want to hurt Julian, but I needed her in my life. She made it clear that even if I wasn't with Delaney, I couldn't be with her. And if I couldn't have her the way I wanted, I needed to have her friendship.

After I peeled back her doubts about tutoring me, I planned to spend a day with her. I unplugged her car battery, made sure Julian's roommate got wasted at a party so he wouldn’t drive home, and then I paid Stu a hundred bucks to take Terri out and make sure she couldn’t get in to work Saturday morning.

The plan was simple. Her car wouldn’t start and she would have to call me, and when we arrived at the library, Terri wouldn’t be there. I pushed the thought of Julian and Brie together out of my head as I waited for my phone to ring. Two things I didn’t expect: for her to run to the library, and the storm.

I could still taste her raspberry Chapstick as I pulled away from campus and toward the interstate. My cock pushed against my jeans and all I wanted was to bury myself between her legs.

She shifted in her seat and lowered the heat.

“Warm enough?” I glanced over at her.

“Yeah.” Her voice was low.

Cupping her hand in mine, I brought it to my lips. “Tell me what's on your mind?”

She sighed and closed her eyes. “Do you want the truth?” I looked over at her again and nodded. “I can't stop this.”

“What?”

“This. Us. It's wrong, we both know it, but never has anything felt so right.” She squeezed my hand. “I don't know what to do. She's my best friend.”

“Are you more concerned about her or him?”

“Both. Neither. I don't know. When I'm with you, I don't care about anything or anyone. It’s like we’re in a bubble and all our responsibilities don't exist. Nothing seems to matter.”

Pulling into a Dunkin Donuts drive-thru, I brought the back of her hand to my lips and kissed it once again. “Can we stay in the bubble a little longer? Even if it's just for a day?” My gaze searched deep into her brown eyes. “I really like the bubble,” she whispered and a grin grew on her face. Without any hesitation, I leaned across the center console and gently kissed half of her lips. Brielle closed her eyes and moaned.

Two hot chocolates and six donuts later, we were back on the freeway. I wanted as far from campus as possible. The rain wouldn't let up but the traffic was minimal. Brielle held my hand as we drove. Neither of us wanted to let go. When I entered Lake Norman State Park, it was empty.

I parked my car near the water and left the engine running. We sat there for a few minutes looking out into the gray foggy cold. My thumb gently ran across her soft skin.

“Did you love her?” she asked. Her gaze never pulled away from the fog.

“No.”

“Why did you stay?”

“I told you, to be closer to you,” I confessed. “Once you broke up with Julian, I left her.”

“And Julian? Don't you feel you're betraying your brother?”

“Yes. But like you said, when I'm with you nothing else matters.”

“You're a fire I can't put out. It started as something small, but now it's consuming and uncontainable. It will probably destroy every last bit of me.” She looked over at me, a small smile playing on her lips. “I can't stop playing with fire even though it's going to burn me.”

I kissed her.

In one swift motion, I had her out of her seat and on my lap; my dick throbbed with need as she bucked against me. Her hair was wild; curls draped over my face. Desperate to feel her, I slid my hands under her sweater and ran them up her back. Her soft skin under the palms of my hands drove me mad. I had her once and I needed more. She said I was her fire, but she was my drug.

I deepened our kiss. My mouth claimed her. “Do you want to stop?”

“No.” She leaned her head to the side and exposed her neck.

“Tell me you're mine.” My teeth grazed her jaw.

“I'm yours,” she whimpered. Her gaze met mine. “You're what I want. It's been you since the beginning”

I framed her small face in my hands and brought her lips to mine. “I need to have you, Brie.”

She pulled away from my hold and trailed her fingers down my chest. Gently, she lifted the hem of my sweater and then tossed it over my head. I watched, amazed and rock hard as she did the same with her shirt, exposing her soft pink cotton bra.

Unable to keep my hands to myself, I wrapped them around her torso and brought my mouth to her chest. When we were together that night, we were drunk and sloppy. I didn't have the opportunity to savor her. Though having her in the back of my car wasn't the best scenario, any second with Brielle was worth it.

I kissed her fair skin and slipped my hands inside her bra. Her nipples pebbled at my touch. With as much patience as I could manage, I slid my tongue across her peachy skin. Brielle moaned and dug her nails into the back of my neck.

“Please, Nate,” she muttered. “I need you inside me.”

Biting on the tip of her nipple, I looked up at her. “And I need to taste you.”

“You can have all of me, but please don’t make me wait.”

“Fuck,” I growled. “Get in the back.”

Brielle pushed off my chest and climbed in the back seat. Discarding my shirt, I watched from the rearview mirror as she undid her pants. At that moment, I thanked God I'd bought a jeep and climbed back.

Brielle sat with her back to the door. Towering over her, I kissed her lips, her cheeks, and down her neck. The rain continued to pour as I made my way down her body. Her jeans were still damp when I tugged them off. She had the devil in her eyes. I kissed every inch of her body until I reached the hem of her panties. Her breathing grew labored as I discarded them. She was wet and ready for me.

I desperately needed to taste her. I didn't know when or if I’d ever have her again, and I wanted to make every second count. My gaze locked on hers, I slid my tongue over her clit and watched as her eyes rolled back in pleasure as I devoured her. Her moans guided me to exactly what she wanted.

“Oh, God,” she whimpered. “Please . . . don't . . . stop.” Her body quivered and I let my tongue ride the wave of her orgasm.

When she finally caught her breath, I pulled away and reached inside the glove compartment for a condom. Patiently, she waited as I slid it on and positioned myself at her entrance. Running my tongue across my lips, I tasted her on them.

A grin took over her face. She clasped her hands around my neck and brought my lips to hers. “I want to taste me on you,” she muttered against my lips.

I sank into her.

She cried out in ecstasy.

We fucked.

It was hard.

Deep.

And mindfuckingly good.

We were both panting for air when I finally came. My back stung from the marks of her fingernails, and she wore a content, sated expression on her beautiful features. We stayed in the back seat holding each other.

“I’m sorry,” I confessed.

“For?” She stopped tracing small circles over my chest and lifted her eyes to me.

“I didn't know you’d get soaked by the rain.”

“I'm not following.”

“I unplugged the battery of your car.”

“Nathaniel!” She smacked my chest.

I chuckled and grasped her hand. Kissing her palm, I explained everything. “I didn't know how to get you alone. You ignored me after Christmas, and when I found you in the library, you ran off. Then I noticed your name on the learning center sheet and I lied about biology so you would tutor me.”

“You son of a bitch.” She shook her head. Her lips puckered with amusement. “What else?”

“I made sure Julian's roommate didn't go home so you couldn't get a ride. Then I made sure Terry was late so I could convince you to get breakfast. I didn't know the rain would be this heavy. Plus, I thought you'd call me when you didn't have a ride.”

“So you weren’t worried about me spending the night at Julian's?”

I shifted my arm so I could run it up her back. “It crossed my mind. But if you didn't sleep with him while you two were dating, I figured you weren't doing it now.”

Brielle scoffed. “You have it all figured out, don’t you?”

I brushed her curls away from her face and lifted her chin. “To get a few hours alone with you where you're not pushing me away, I’d do anything.” I didn't wait for her to respond. Instead, I kissed her again until she begged for more

CHAPTER 15

BRIELLE

LIE.

Lie.

Lie again.

I lied to everyone and it gave me anxiety. But being with Nate wasn't something I was willing to give up. There was no escaping what I felt for him. The adrenaline that coursed through me when we were together was better than anything I had ever experienced. But like most thrill rides, it scared me to death.

The fear of being discovered by Delaney or Julian had me panicking, and I began to overcompensate my friendship with them both. Not to mention the fear that Nate could easily change his mind and move on to another girl. I could simply have been a chase, and now that he had me I constantly worried it was only a matter of time before he got bored.

Every Saturday morning, we snuck off to be together. Now that I knew his biology excuse was bullshit, we spent those days together. Along with sneaking off, Nate and I had rules on how we communicated. No emails, phone calls or drop-bys. We texted in code. I changed his name on my phone to Nicole, and I kept my phone glued to me since I didn't want Julian or Delaney to see any of our messages.

I lied to Julian about working more so I spent less time with him. Our Friday night tradition of Chinese takeout was replaced with Nate taking me to dinner far from campus so no one would spot us together.

It wasn't just sex between us. We spent countless hours talking about life and what we both wanted in the future. He knew my passion for art and let me go on and on about it before he shared his dreams. Without realizing it, I fell deeply in love with him.

The first week of March, Delaney and I were in our dorm room and I was getting ready to head off to work at the dentist’s office. My hands were massaging the leave-in conditioner through my hair when Delaney closed her laptop and looked over at me.

“What are you doing tonight?” she asked. I met her gaze through the mirror. Her hair was tossed up in a messy bun, and she was wearing her pajamas so I knew she had no plans.

I hesitated for a moment. “Nothing,” I replied. In truth, I was meeting Nate after work. We were going to stop for ice cream then drive to Freedom Park and eat it on the hood of his car.

“Are you sure?” Delaney pinched her eyebrows.

“Yeah, why?” Nerves made the butterflies in my stomach flap their massive wings.

“Well, you’ve worked at Dr. Carmack’s office for almost three years now and I’ve never seen you get this dolled up.”

My heart sank. “I'm not all dolled up.”

“Okay, Brie.” Her lips puckered, and I knew she didn't believe me. “You never do your hair like that unless we’re going out. You don't have to tell me who he is now, but eventually I’ll find out.”

I grabbed my purse and keys and looked over at Delaney, who was still sitting in the same spot. “I'll be back later.”

“Sure thing, babe. I’ll try to wait up.”

I dashed out of the room and closed the door behind me. Yanking my phone out of my purse, I sent Nate a quick text message.

Me: I can't make it tonight.

Nicole: Why not??

I smiled at the pen name I’d given Nate.

Me: Delaney thinks I'm meeting someone after work. I think she suspects something.

Nicole: Did she say anything about me or that you would be with someone else?

Me: Someone else.

Nicole: Okay, so she doesn't suspect anything except that you’re with someone. And who cares if she thinks that.

Me: I don't know. Maybe we should reschedule.

Nicole: No. I haven't seen you since Saturday. Don't make me beg. Please? I need to kiss you.

His last text message made me grin. I desperately wanted to kiss him too.

Me: I’ll see you at 8.

I sent him one last text message before I hopped in my car. As long as Delaney didn't know it was Nate, there shouldn't be a problem.

Or at least that's what I hoped for.

I had done the one thing a girl should never do—I’d given him my whole heart. I had given him the power to destroy me. And now he owned every single part of me. He had all the power. And there was nothing I could do about it. As much as I’d tried not to fall for him, I had fallen. I could only hope he was there to catch me.

It was funny what loves made you feel or think. And the jealousy that came with it was the monster of all one-eyed green monsters. I wasn't prepared for any of that. Like the first big drop on a roller coaster, you hold on for dear life and scream. That's what I had to do.

After my last class on Friday, I sent Nate a message and asked if he wanted to join me for lunch, but he never responded. I met up with Julian and Delaney in the cafeteria instead. I secretly hoped she would fall for him. It would make my life so much easier.

“Where’ve you been?” Julian asked when I slid into the chair next to him. I reached across to his tray and stole a fry.

“I've been here. School is kicking my ass.”

Delaney, who sat across me, pulled a fry off his plate as well. “She literally lives in the library now.”

“I do not.” I crumbled my napkin and tossed it at her. “I just want to graduate a semester early.”

“Mmm hmm.” Delaney winked at me.

“Are you going to the Easter bash at my brother’s tomorrow?” Julian asked Delaney.  I had agreed with Nate that I would spend the night with Delaney so he could go and enjoy his party. Alcohol, Nate and I would not end up well.

“No! There is no way I'm going anywhere near that asshole’s place. Plus, Brie and I are having a girls’ night.” She looked up at me and smiled.

Our plans included manis, pedis, classic eighties movies, and Delaney's favorite boys: Jose, Johnny, Jameson and Jim.

“Yep.” I tried to seem as excited as Delaney. “No boys allowed, sorry.”

Julian reached over to my tray and snagged the chocolate pudding I was saving for last. “Whatever. There’ll be plenty of tail at the party.” He winked at me.

“You're gross.” I smacked his arm and took my pudding back.

We dropped the conversation about Nate's Easter bash and changed it to finals that were quickly approaching.

By the end of lunch, Nate still had not replied to my message. By evening, my phone was glued to my hand. I had sent Nate three more messages and even left him a voicemail which was something I never did. Still no response. Delaney and I sat in our room folding our laundry. She chatted me up but I was distracted.

Where was Nate?

Every opportunity, I checked my phone. This was what love did to people. It made them crazy.

Delaney lowered her pink tee to her lap. “What has gotten into you today?”

“Nothing. I’m just waiting for a phone call from my mom.” I don't know why I used my mother as an excuse. She wasn't one to call unless there was an emergency. She preferred emails. Well, I preferred emails. I never had to worry about hearing my father's voice in the background when I read an email.

“Strange.” Delaney’s eyes were wide. “Your mom never calls you. Is everything okay?”

I tossed my phone on the bed and smiled at Delaney. “Yes, she's fine.” I brushed it off. “We should probably go to the grocery first thing tomorrow morning,” I added, trying to change the subject.

“Yep, that works. We can go once you're done tutoring.”

That night I tossed and turned. There was no news from Nate. No email, no call, no text. I didn't get much sleep, and by Saturday morning I was rushing to the library to see him. When he never showed, I sat back on the chair and stared blankly into the air. I guessed he was done with me and had moved on. I cursed the coward for not even telling me straight up. I wanted to march right over to his house and give him a piece of my mind but he didn't deserve that satisfaction. But I refused to let him see how much he hurt me, and decided I’d think of him fondly as a massive asshole instead.

When I met Delaney at our local grocery store, I was in a sour mood. The only thing I wanted to do was lie in bed and sulk over the fact Nate had turned out to be the guy I always thought he was. The worst part about it was that I had no one to talk to. I couldn't tell Delaney that her ex-boyfriend turned out to be a complete scum to both of us. So, when I hopped out of the car and strolled toward her, I hoped my face was as ecstatic as hers when she spotted me.

“How was the learning center?” she asked as she pulled out a shopping cart.

“It was fine.” I took the cart from her and walked toward the entrance. The supermarket was filled with fresh produce in the entrance. Bypassing the healthy choices, I pushed the cart down the aisle.

“Is everything okay?”

I shrugged. I didn't know what to say. I wasn't okay. I was hurt. My feet slid across the floor as Delaney picked up different items and placed them in our cart. I tried to stay strong, I tried to ignore my phone, but one little chime and I was digging through my purse like a savage.

When I realized it was a text message from Julian, I slammed my phone shut and tossed it back in the purse. When I pulled my gaze away from my purse and toward Delaney, I was greeted by a concerned look.

“Seriously. What is it?”

“Nothing!” I couldn’t mask my annoyance.

“Something is off with you. “

“I said nothing, Del!”

“You know what?” She slammed a package of Oreos in the cart and stopped me dead in my tracks. “I've been trying to give you your space, but you’ve been odd since last year. We don't talk like we used to. You don't tell me anything. Something is clearly bothering you but you don't want to talk to me, your best friend, so whatever.” She took her purse and tossed it over her shoulder.” Have this stupid girls’ night by your damn self.”

Delaney spun away and marched out of the supermarket.

I didn't go after her.

I should have, but there was nothing to say. I couldn't tell her I was in love with her ex-boyfriend. It was something I had to bury in my heart and never talk about it.

Walking up and down every aisle, I let time pass and hoped Delaney had calmed down by the time I arrived at our dorm. A pile of clothes was on top of her bed and she was nowhere in sight. I checked my phone one last time before turning it off completely. “Screw you, Nate,” I muttered as my phone powered off. I showered, put on my favorite PJs, and turned on the TV to watch Sixteen Candles.

Somewhere through the 80’s classic, the chocolate, and some much needed tequila to cure my sadness, I fell asleep. The following morning, I awoke to the door opening. Delaney tiptoed into the room, her high heels dangling from one hand as she dropped her key in the fishbowl. Her hair looked freshly fucked, and most of her makeup had smeared to one side of her face.

“Are you just getting in?” I asked, confused and a bit hungover.

“Sorry,” she whispered. “I didn't mean to wake you.”

“Where did you go?”

I wiped the sleep off my face and looked over at the clock on my night stand. It was seven in the morning and Delaney was doing the walk of shame. She sighed and smiled. It was a genuine, happy smile.

It would also be known as the smile that destroyed my heart.

Delaney discarded her short shorts and blouse and held her shirt over her chest. Her smile grew wide on her face as though she was remembering the previous night. “Promise you won't judge?” I nodded. “I spent the night with Nate.”

I shook my head, not believing her. That was impossible. He and I were . . .

Nothing.

“You what?” I asked, my voice laced with disgust.

“I know. It's crazy, right?” She put an oversized T-shirt on and crawled under the covers.

“You and Nate? Last night?”

“Yeah. It was just sex.” She giggled. “Good sex.”

My heart shredded into a million pieces. “B-But I thought you were mad at him?” My head spun, and a part of me hoped that it was a nightmare caused by the tequila.

“I am! But that boy knows his way around my body.” She winked.

I nodded at her response. My throat was closing up, and my tears were on the brink of falling. I lay my head back on the pillow and turned to the wall. I couldn't speak, or move. The only thing I could do was cry.

CHAPTER 16

BRIELLE

LOVE MADE you do stupid things. I never really understood overpowering love. I believed that in the past twenty years I had experienced love, but clearly I was wrong. What I experienced in the past was lust. I wasn't in love with Nathaniel, I was obsessed with him, and obsession made you do crazy things.

It hurt less if I thought that.

Hours after Delaney dropped her bomb on me, it was as if a switch had flipped off in my brain. I wanted revenge on Nate.

Surprisingly, when I powered up my cell phone, Nate finally greeted me with messages. Lots of messages. And voicemails that blew up my inbox.

I ignored every single one.

I was a fool for letting a man like him in my heart. I wouldn’t make the same mistake again.

I showered, dressed, and went for a drive to clear my mind. I left Delaney sleeping in her bed. Clearly he had tired her out. My blood boiled with rage at the thought of them together, and I pushed harder on the accelerator as I travelled the highways.

I drove out of North Carolina, crossed into South Carolina, and was almost at the border of Georgia before I turned around. I didn't arrive back to the dorm until much later that night. Again my phone was filled with messages from Nathaniel but I refused to read them.

Four days passed and I continued to ignore him. It was Thursday night and I had made plans to watch a movie with Julian. I figured a distraction was better than sulking around my dorm, so I showed up at his door with a pizza and a six-pack of beer. We were halfway through the first Terminator movie when his phone began to buzz.

“Hey, bro,” he answered. Julian's gaze met mine and his eyebrows furrowed. Nathaniel?

“Yeah, I'm looking at her right now.”

That asshole had the nerve to ask his brother about me.

“All right, I'll let her know. I'll catch you later.” Julian tossed his phone on the bed.

He asked me to tell you he needs your help with biology. For you to call him when you're done here.”

I bit the inside of my cheek as rage climbed up my spine. Who did he think he was? He didn't need help. I was just a pawn in his bag of tricks. I gave him what he wanted and now, because I was ignoring him, I became the shiny toy he wanted to play with again. My grandmother used to say, “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.”

Revenge.

Karma.

A dose of his own medicine.

I was three beers in and slightly buzzed when I looked over at Julian and asked for something stronger. “I think Edwin has a bottle of cheap vodka somewhere.”

That'd do. Julian handed me a plastic cup filled with vodka. I chugged back the liquid that tasted like rubbing alcohol. Julian took a few swigs. It was nearing midnight and if I knew Nathaniel as well as I thought I did, he would be doing a drive-by to see if I was still at Julian's place. Or at least, that's what I hoped for.

I wasn’t proud of how I used Julian. It was wrong, considering I knew what he felt for me, but when the credits began to scroll on the TV screen I sat on I'm Julian's lap and began to kiss him. It wasn't a loving kiss; it was a hungry get-the-picture-I-need-you-to-sleep-with-me-so-I-can-make-your-brother-hurt-like-I-do kind of kiss.

CHAPTER 17

NATHANIEL

SOMETHING WAS OFF WITH BRIE. I had spent most of the week trying to get in contact with her. I’d been sick as a dog and missed all her texts and messages and it didn’t help that I dropped my phone in the sink and was unable to make contact with her for a few days until I was back on my feet. The only message I got was a voicemail asking me to call her back.

She was ignoring my calls, emails and text messages. I was desperate to talk to her, but she blew me off completely. I knew she wouldn’t like me knocking on her door, but I didn't care.

We needed to talk.

I drove past her dorm but didn't spot her car. She wasn't at the library or the dentist’s office, but I did spot her car outside Julian's dorm. A quick call to my brother assured me that she was indeed there with him.

I planned to wait until she left, but when it was close to midnight and she was still in there, I began to panic.

Julian and I were close, but it was rare that I showed up at his place. He preferred to crash at my house since I had more livable space, so knocking on his door without making him suspicious would be nearly impossible. But when Edwin parked his car next to mine, I figured if we were having a conversation it only seemed to fit that I would follow him back to his room.

“Hey, E.” I walked around the car and greeted him with a handshake. “Long time, no see.” Edwin and Julian had been roommates since Julian was a freshman, so Edwin had spent Thanksgiving with us a few times and we frequented the same college parties.

“Moose!” He dragged out the nickname that I had learned to hate because of Brielle. “Bro, I haven't seen you in forever. What's up, man?”

“Nothing, just busy with work. Have you been training? You look good.” I tried to make a quick conversation that would pique his interest.

“I've been off my game recently. Coach wants me to focus, but it's hard laying off the beer.” He ran his hand over his stomach.

I followed him as we ascended the three flights of stairs to their room. He continued to talk about his new regime but my mind was on Brielle. She wouldn't be able to hide from me any longer.

Edwin spoke about the state championship that was coming up as he slid the key into the door, twisted it and pushed it open. His voice faded as my gaze landed on Brielle. Her body was draped over Julian's, his hands running through her wild hair while she kissed him vigorously.

“Oh, my bad,” Edwin stated.

Brielle pulled away from Julian and her gaze landed on mine. She didn't seem shocked to see me. Instead, she looked at me with hate. Her lips pursed and one eyebrow cocked up as if she was daring me to question her.

I forced myself to look anywhere but at her as I took in the room. Empty beer bottles lay scattered around the table. Brielle stayed on his lap. Though I refused to look at her, I knew her gaze was on me. My skin crawled with anger.

“We'll be back later,” Edwin said, closing the door. “Let you two finish up.” He chuckled, but before the door even closed, I was halfway down the hall.

Rage echoed in my ears. How could she do this? How could she be with me and a week later have her legs wrapped around Julian?

I wasn’t sure how I got on the highway, but I pressed on the accelerator and gripped the steering wheel firmly. I had to forget her. I had to forget what I saw.

I made a sharp right turn and headed for Hollow, a local bar right off campus.

Liquor would help me forget what I saw.

That was a lie.

It would alleviate it . . . temporarily. The second the alcohol wore off, I’d go right back to hating her.

Hollow was crowded with tiny tables scattered throughout the dark and dingy hole in the wall. In one corner was a pair of pool tables, the area congested as people waited for the next round, and on the other side of the room an old jukebox cranked out oldies.

I recognized some familiar faces and nodded in their direction as I strode directly toward the bar. I slipped onto a stool and dropped my keys on the counter.

The bartender greeted with me a wide smile. Michelle had been in my history class last semester; we were paired on a group project. She wore black shorts and tight tank top. Her hair was blonde and she had cat-like green eyes. “Hey, stranger.” She placed a napkin on the bar in front of me. “Why the long face?”

I cut straight to the point. “Michelle, I'm not up for the chitchat.  “Can I just get a double scotch, neat?”

“Sorry.” She raised her hands in defeat.

Michelle is cute, I thought as she poured my drink. I could easily forget Brielle with her. I shook my head, pushed the thought away. Michelle wasn't what I wanted. It didn't matter how hard I tried. Even when I was infuriated, Brielle was what I craved. I tossed my drink back, letting the amber liquid burn.

“Another.”

Michelle raised her eyebrows. She paused as she seemed to contemplate pouring the next shot. I pushed my keys toward her.

“I won't be driving home. So pour another shot . . . please.”

By the fifth drink, I didn’t give a fuck about anything or anyone. Fuck her. If that’s who she wanted, he could have her.

“Nathaniel.” I heard my name spoken sweetly as she approached my side.

“What are you doing here, Delaney?” I needed to be alone. I didn’t want to see anyone who reminded me of Brielle.

“Michelle called your girlfriend when she noticed how much alcohol you consumed in such a short span of time.” She lowered her lips to my ear. “Apparently, not everybody knows what a douchebag you are. Breaking up with your girl the day before Christmas is pretty assholish, if you ask me.”

I sighed and rested my head on the cool wooden bar top. “I'm sorry, Del.” It was yet another thing I’d done to be with Brielle. But in the end, it had all backfired.  “It was fucked up of me. You were always good to me,” I slurred.

Delaney laughed and slid onto the stool next to me. “You must be really drunk if you're apologizing.”

I nodded and for the first time looked over at her. Her makeup was freshly done, and her long black hair was pin straight. Her hand brushed across my cheek.

“So, what has you drinking like a fish?”

“Nothing.” I pulled away from her touch and looked over at Michelle. “Happy you called me a ride home? Can I have my drink now?” From the corner of my eye, I noticed Delaney nod.

I downed another drink and turned to face Delaney. “You want to get out of here?” It was the stupidest thing to do, but I was in no shape to make wise decisions.

“Are you asking me . . .” A smile widened on her face.

“Don't play coy, Del. It doesn’t suit you.  By the way you're dressed, I know you didn't come here to save me. I know when your lips are red with that lipstick, it means you're horny. So I'm asking you again, you want to get out of here and fuck?”

“Wow.” She paused and studied my face. “Something has you all twisted, huh?” She inched closer to me. “Are you having girl problems, Moosey?”

“It’s a simple question, Del.”

She looked over at Michelle. They exchanged a few words and Delaney slipped her my credit card. “Let's go.” Her lips puckered and she handed me my wallet.

I didn't make it out of the bar. Instead, I held Delaney’s hand and dragged her into the bathroom. It wasn't what I wanted, but it was what I needed. She would make me forget Brielle, even if it was only for a moment.

I pressed her against the door and locked it, kissing her like a savage, desperate to escape reality.

Delaney moaned and whimpered as I pressed my erection against her. She was all too eager, her hands sliding between us and gripping my cock through my jeans.

I moved her to the sink. “Turn around.”

Delaney rested her hands on the sink and pushed her ass toward me. Lifting her skirt, I admired the lace strip that slipped into her ass crack. When we first started dating, I told her they were my favorite. I unbuttoned my jeans and pulled out my cock, stroking until it was fully erect. My fingers curled around her thong and pulled it to the side as Delaney bent forward, giving me access to her already wet pussy. Our eyes locked in the mirror and I pushed deep inside, ignoring the banging on the door as I continued to thrust harder and faster.

“Hold on, baby,” I grunted. “This is going to be quick.” Delaney rested her hands against the mirror and pushed back on my cock.

This was how I would forget Brielle. You forgot one woman by burying yourself in another.

Ignoring everything Delaney was moaning, I pulled out and came on her ass. It wasn’t nearly as satisfying as it was with Brielle. Nothing would be as good as her. Delaney looked at me through the mirror. “That's all you got?”

I shook my head. “That's just the beginning.”

My alcohol daze gut-punched me when I walked outside into the fresh air and I stumbled to Delaney's car. She opened the passenger door for me and I sank in.

That was the last thing I remembered.

The following morning, I woke up to a throbbing headache. I turned to the other side of my bed and noticed I wasn't alone. Delaney was curled up next to me, and I wasn’t wearing anything.

Fuck.

“Morning.” She greeted me with a smile.

Mentally, I cursed myself. What the fuck had I done? “Morning.” My voice was hoarse. “You spent the night?”

“Yes, silly.” She kissed my bare chest. “You couldn't keep your hands off me. At one point I thought I’d have to pull over since you kept trying to take my clothes off in the car.” She giggled. I swallowed back and prayed my nausea would subside. “I must say, Nate, even when we were together you never made love to me like that.” Her stare lingered on mine.  “It was as though you couldn't get enough.”

It wasn't that I couldn't get enough of her. It was that I was trying to forget her best friend.

“I'm sorry. I tried to pull free from her. “I shouldn't have.”

“There's no need to apologize.” She shook her head. “I'm not asking for you to come back to me, Nathaniel. It was a fun night. If you want to have some more fun, call me later.” She kicked the covers off her naked body and strolled across the room to where her clothes had been left on the floor. She slid her skirt up her legs and pulled her shirt over her head.

Delaney walked back to my bed and kissed me on the cheek. “If you find my thong, keep it. I think you tore it to pieces anyway.” She turned on her heel and walked out of the room.

I had royally fucked everything up. But it was all Brielle’s fault, and I’d make sure she got a piece of my mind.

A few hours later, I was somewhat sober.  A faint headache lingered but it was tolerable as I hopped in the car, determined to track Brielle down.

It didn't take me long to spot her car outside the library. I stormed through the entire building, looking in every corner for her, but it wasn't until Terry informed me she was in the common hall studying that I found her. She sat on an oversized couch, her headphones plugged in her ears as she typed on the keypad of her laptop. I dropped into the chair across from her and kicked my leg up on the small wooden table.

Our gazes met and her lips puckered with disgust. Funny thing was, I felt the exact same way. Last time I saw her lips they were pressed against my brother.

When neither of us spoke, she resumed her attention on her screen.

“Don't you think you owe me an explanation?” I asked.

A sly grin appeared on her face and I knew she had heard my question. She pulled the headphones from her ears and cocked her head to the side “I owe you an explanation?”

“Yes, I believe so, especially since the last time I saw you, you were fucking my brother.” The words slid out of my mouth like venom.

“Correction.” She lifted a finger at me. “Last time you saw me, I was kissing your brother. I didn't fuck him, but you fucked my best friend.” Shocked, my words failed me. “Oh, did you think I didn't know?” Her voice was sweet but laced with sarcasm. “I spent an entire day worried about you, only to have my best friend come home and inform me that during your Easter bash she spent the night in your bed.” She cracked her knuckles and her nostrils flared with anger. “You didn't even have the courtesy to return a single phone call or text message to tell me you were no longer interested in me. Instead, you simply traded me for a different version.”

I chuckled and shook my head. “I didn't fuck Delaney at the Easter bash. I didn't return your phone call because I was locked in my room, so sick that Stu had to go to the clinic and pick me up a Z-Pak. That's why I didn't return your calls. And because I dropped my phone in the sink.”

“That’s a good excuse. You couldn’t ask Stu to pick up a new phone for you?”

“I didn’t call you for what? Thirty-six hours? You didn’t hear from me for a day and a half, and that was enough for you to doubt me completely? You automatically think I’m making excuses? I was sick!” My voice grew with anger.

“You fucked her! She came home and told me everything!” People were beginning to stare in our direction.

“I didn't fuck Delaney at that party. “My head shook and anger swooshed between my ears. “I was fucking sick as a dog, Brielle. But I fucked her last night after I saw you with my brother.”

She paused for a second, her eyes scanning mine as the words registered in her head. “What?”

“If you would’ve given me the benefit of the doubt and answered me when I called you back, when I emailed you, when I showed up at my brother’s house, this could've all been avoided.”

“Bastard.” Her words were like venom. “You're telling me it's my fault that you tripped and fell inside her pussy?”

“No.” I shook my head. “It's your fault that you broke my heart the second you got on top of his dick.”

I watched as her eyes glistened with unshed tears. “I didn't break your heart. You broke mine. I was the stupid one who trusted you to begin with.”

“No, Brie. You were the one who chose to believe your roommate instead of coming to me. You were the one who sat on top of Julian and, once Edwin opened the door, you didn't even budge. You were the one who ruined this.”

She slammed her laptop shut. “Really?” A tear dripped down her cheek and instantly my anger faded away. “A kiss is forgivable. I kissed your brother because I was hurt. And since I hurt you, did you only kiss Delaney?” Her voice broke and she shook her head. “No, you fucked her.”

It was my turn to remain quiet. She wiped away the tears that slid down her cheeks. “You know, the funny thing is I never had sex with your brother, even when I was his girlfriend. I couldn't have sex with him because all I wanted was you. But even when you were with Delaney, you fucked her, so I guess fucking her now was like riding a bike.” I wanted to reach out and hug her, but she was too upset. “Don't sit here and tell me I ruined us. Because we were ruined the second you started dating her.” She shoved her things into her bag and stood to leave, but I grasped her arm.

“Wait.” I tried to stop her. “Wait! Wait! I fucked up. We can fix this. It didn’t mean anything.”

“Is this where you tell me you thought of me the whole time?”

“Fuck, Brie.” My hand ran through my hair nervously. “I was hurt, pissed off, and drunk out of my face. You have to forgive me, you gotta understand. I thought—”

“Don't touch me,” she sobbed. “You didn't come here to apologize. You came here for revenge. You came here to tell me that you slept with her. You wanted to even the score. You see, Nate, you and I are very much alike in some ways because that's what I wanted to do last night with Julian. I wanted to sleep with him so you’d know how much you hurt me. But I couldn't go through with it because I'm a fool who thought we were in love.”

“Brie, I was drunk.”

“So was I, but I still didn't fuck him.” She tugged on her arm, but I couldn't let her go. It felt as if she was slipping from my grasp and I would lose her completely.

“Don't leave.”

“Let go of my arm or I'll scream.” Her gaze was locked on mine, and I could see the hatred in her eyes.

I gradually released my grip and watched as she slipped away. I did the only thing I could not to lose her.

I followed her.

CHAPTER 18

BRIELLE

I WANDERED AIMLESSLY for what seemed like hours. I didn't know where to go or what to think, but as long as one foot was in front of the other, everything else was a complete blur. My heart ached and the tears wouldn’t stop streaming down my face. How had I been so stupid? My own insecurities had me acting like a child, and it was my own doing that led him straight back to her arms.

That realization only made me sob harder.

His words ran over and over in my head. I didn't know what to feel. Could I be mad at him for being with Delaney?

Yes.

No.

Who the fuck knew?

I had given him the knife to stab my own heart. That I knew.

My feet throbbed as I lapped the campus for the fourth time. Needing to escape the hell I was in, I got in the car and slammed my hands on the steering wheel.

“Damn you!”

I hated that I had fallen so deeply for him. Never had I loved so deeply. So profoundly. And the more I thought about it, the angrier I grew.

Thirty minutes later, I pulled into Lake Norman. This time, the sky was crystal blue and the trees were blooming as spring was upon us, but I felt cold, dark and hurt. Parking near the water, I got out of the car and sat at the edge of the lake. The water was cool and calm as I reflected on my life. I had been steady and serene most of life, just like this lake. My father, my mother, and my entire childhood had all been boulders that made a tremendous splash, but with time, the ripples all evened out. Now, I felt like the ocean in the middle of typhoon with wild and disastrous winds destroying everything in its path.

My hands brushed the soft grass until I found a small stone. I held it firmly between my fingers the way Nate taught me and threw it in the lake. It only bounced once before it sank to the bottom. My eyes filled with tears. Could I do anything right?

“You're doing it wrong.” I heard Nate's voice behind me.

My vision blurred with tears as I sat motionless and hoped it was all in my head; that he wasn't really here. But when he lowered himself beside me, there was no denying that the man who held the key to my heart was right where I needed him.

Neither of us said a word for long moments as we quietly watched the calm body of water. I hugged my legs and rested my chin on my knees. I prayed for the tears to stay in, but the traitorous fucks decided to pour out anyway.

Nate draped his arm over me and pulled me toward his chest.

“Shh,” he whispered and kissed the top of my head, but that only made me cry more. Why had I been so stupid?

After a few minutes, my tears subsided and I pulled away, keeping my head lowered.

“Talk to me,” he said, finally breaking the silence.

“What is there to say?” My voice was low and hoarse, my gaze refusing to pull away from where the lake and shore met.

“Say anything.”

“It's karma.”

“What is?” I felt his body shift toward mine.

“I'm being punished for what I did to Julian and Delaney. This is my payback.”

“Don't say that.” He pulled me into his arms. “It was a misunderstanding.”

I shook my head. “And where do we go from here. We make pretend that you didn't sleep with her?”

Nate waited a few seconds before he responded. “I guess you're right.”

I knew I was right. There was no way I could get over this. Him being with Delaney was a thick pill to swallow.

“We can be friends,” I suggested. It was a lie. We could never just be friends. Never.

“I don't want to be your friend. I love you too damn much.”

“Nate.” I shook my head as new tears threatened to fall.

“Brie.” He said my name gently and cupped my face. “We were never conventional. And nothing can come between us that will make me stop loving you any less. It might take time for us to get over this bump but we will get over it.”

I nodded. My heart was in knots and every fiber in my soul was petrified, but I loved this man more than anything. I knew he was right.

Closing my eyes, I prayed we would overcome this.

CHAPTER 19

BRIELLE

THE FRIENDSHIP I had with Delaney instantly changed.

It was funny how a man could come between two girls. In a blink of an eye, things seemed completely different. At first, I blamed myself for everything. It wasn't her fault I fell in love with him, but then I realized she lied to me. She told me she spent the night with Nate, and I later discovered that wasn’t true. Why lie? What else had she lied to me about?

It burned like hell when I walked into my dorm room after my conversation with Nate. The images of them together would forever haunt me. It wasn't her fault I fell in love with him, but our friendship had shifted. There were too many lies between us now, and when you can't confide in your best friend . . .

“You've been gone all day.” Delaney hit the mute button on the TV when I walked in.

“Finals are approaching,” I said with a sigh.

“I thought we could study together.” She looked up at me with hopeful eyes. “Go to the diner and drink so much coffee we’re up all night.” She shifted her feet and sat on them. Delaney knew all my deepest, darkest secrets, yet in that moment she felt like a complete stranger. “You know, like we always do.”

“Sorry. I was helping other people study.” I strolled across the room and dropped my heavy body on top of my bed.

My eyes were closed, but I heard her moving toward me. “I have to tell you what happened to me last night.” My eyes flew open.

I held my hands up to stop her from continuing. I didn't want the details of her and Nate’s sexcapades. “Can we talk about it another time?” She stopped dead in her tracks, confusion spread across her face. I’d never said no to her. “I'm really drained and I don't feel very well.”

“Oh, okay.” She sat on the edge of my bed. “Do you want me to grab you something to eat?”

“No.” I covered my eyes with my forearm as tears threatened to fall again. “I don't have much of an appetite. I just really want to sleep.” Shifting on my side, I faced the wall. The painful tears that had threatened began to stream down my face. I couldn't stop the hurt. There was so much pain in it all that I needed a few more days to get back to normal.

A few more weeks.

Nate and I took things slow.

Extremely slow.

It was probably the way we should have done things to begin with instead of jumping into bed together. There were days when it hurt like hell, and sometimes I needed a few minutes to myself, but in the end we had an undeniable gravitational pull toward one another, and no matter what, we would get through this.

Still, other things had changed.

He wouldn’t kiss me on the lips. It seemed to be a trigger for both of us. I’d remember him with her and he would shake his head and mumble Julian’s name. He could hug me for long periods of time but his lips would only touch the top of my head. At first, every time he hugged me, images of him and Delaney flashed in my head, but I soon realized I had two options: I could be depressed and cry at every opportunity or I could get over it.

So I got over it.

It had been four weeks since the awful news that Nate and Delaney had been together.

We had gotten over the hump and we were back to our old way of being inseparable. At times I felt Nate was overcompensating for what had come between us. I was over the whole situation and I honestly could say that I loved him even more.

We had grown in the past four weeks.

We were a stronger couple.

And we both agreed that no matter what, in the future we would talk things out before jumping to conclusions.

Finals were rapidly approaching and everyone was busy studying, but Delaney seemed different. If I had to label it, I’d say she was preoccupied. Most mornings I was up early for class, and by the time I finished with my day she wasn't in the room. We were living on opposite schedules and that worked just fine for me.

Until everything changed.

I sat in the lecture hall of my economics class. My pencils were sharpened and I was prepared for my first final. I'd spent most of the past week studying for this particular test. I knew the material. I was confident.

But my phone began to vibrate in my purse.

At first I thought it was nothing, positive it was Nate calling to wish me good luck.

But then it rang again.

And again.

And again.

My nerves began to ball in my stomach. Had something happened? Foolishly, I rushed through the exam. I skipped to every question I knew the answer for and then went back and tried my best to guess the ones I had an issue with.

My phone rang twenty-four times while I took that exam. After handing it to my professor, I yanked my phone out of my purse. I was expecting to see Nate's number on the screen, but instead it was my home phone number. My mother or father had been calling. Most likely it was my father calling to ask for money. Money I never had, but it didn’t stop him from asking. Shoving my phone back in my purse, I pulled out my laptop. If there was an urgent matter, my mother knew email was the best way to communicate.

My mailbox was empty. It wasn't an emergency.

Brushing off my mild panic attack, I made my way through the hallway and toward the common hall where most of the students had gathered for some last minute cramming sessions. It was that time of the year. Most students were high on caffeine and everyone had their faces deep in textbooks. Turning a corner, I noticed Julian sitting at one of the tables. His head was buried in a book, and there were papers scattered everywhere.

“Hey,” I greeted him.

“Hi, Brie.” He smiled back at me. Things between me and Julian had remained the same. After I kissed him and saw Nate at the door, I hopped off his lap and apologized for my actions. I blamed the alcohol. We both laughed about it and our friendship never faltered, though I knew deep down he wanted something more from me. His eyes never lied to me. “How was your exam?” he asked. His hair was disheveled and I imagined he had been up most of the night.

I sighed. “I passed.” I shrugged. “But I don't think I did as well as I hoped.”

“I have one in an hour and I'm trying to cram everything into my brain.” He threw his hands up in defeat.

I smiled at him and pushed the book closer to him. “I'll leave you to it, then. Good luck.”

“Thanks.”

I made my way through the common hall and outside. The air was warm, and late April had the trees filled with green buds. Tugging on the door, I felt my phone vibrating again. Annoyed, I grabbed it. This time it wasn't my home phone number. Instead, a random number I’d never seen flashed on the screen. The area code told me it was from back home. Hesitant to answer, I held the phone in my hand.

Was my douchebag father that desperate?

Wanting to give him a piece of my mind, I flipped the phone to answer it, but it stopped ringing. Before I could hit the call back button, I heard my name and looked up to see Chloe walking toward me.

“I need a huge favor,” she said. Her eyes were pinched together, and her hands were entwined as though she was praying.

“Of course, what’s up?”

“Do you still have your notes from when you took biology with Professor Gorve’s?”

I smiled. I'd given Nate all my notes. His tutoring excuse was complete bullshit, but even I had to admit that I took excellent notes, and I refused to let him get anything in that class other than an A. “Actually, I do have my notes. Nate has them at this moment, but I can get them for you.”

“Thank you so much, Brie!” Her shoulders relaxed. “I slacked off for most of the semester and now it’s crunch time.”

“When’s your final?”

“Monday.”

She still had a few days to study. “I'll have them to you right away.”

Chloe's eyes brightened and she wrapped her arms around me. “Thank you, thank you, thank you!”

I laughed, but before I could answer her, my phone vibrated again.

Mother hell!

“I need to get this,” I stated. Chloe nodded and walked away. With a shaky hand, I flipped my phone and answered. And listened. The doctor on the other end of the line spoke, but I couldn't respond.

My knees buckled.

My words lodged in my throat.

“Hello? Brielle, are you still there?”

My piece of shit father was nowhere in sight and I had ignored my mother's calls.

Finding my voice, I responded. “Yes, I'm here. I'll be on the first plane out.”

Without another word, I flipped the phone shut and tossed it in my purse. My flip flops smacked against the concrete, the rubber slapped against the soles of my feet as I ran in the direction of my car. Tears blurred my vision and my heart felt as if it would explode in my chest. My mother was in intensive care, I was thousands of miles away, and my father was gone. When I reached my car, I bent at the waist and emptied my stomach; bile burned my throat.

Unable to think straight, I hopped in my car and drove toward Nate's house. He was the only person who could calm me. He was the anchor I needed to keep me grounded. Within a few short minutes, I pulled into his drive and sprinted across the lawn.

Frantic.

Scared.

Lost.

Nate pulled the door open and I dove toward him. Unable to control myself, I sobbed. He cradled me in his arms. “Brielle, what's the matter? Please, baby, talk to me.”

“My mother . . .” I cried out. “My mom had a stroke.” The realization hit home. My poor mother alone at home trying to call me as she suffered from a stroke. My mother was my everything. I’d never agreed with her actions. I despised that she stayed with my father over the years. But she was my world. I was her little girl; she’d given me countless words of wisdom and had raised me on her own. I realized she never left Brian because she truly loved him. And for the first time in my life, I knew what love really was. Stupid as it may be, love was a powerful son of bitch that you could never tame.

“It's okay.” He held me tighter to his body.

“It's all my fault.” I buried my face in his chest. “She called me and I didn't answer. I wasn't there. No one was there.”

“Shh . . .” He kissed the top of my head. “It will be okay.”

Nate’s embrace soothed me. “I have to go see her,” I whispered.

“I'll go with you.”

His words were like my saving grace. I looked up into his green eyes. “Yeah?” The thought of facing my father petrified me. I had so much hatred toward him, but until my mother chose to leave him there was nothing I could do. He would be in charge of her care, and that thought alone was my worst nightmare.

“Of course.” Nate’s eyes scanned mine and there was no hesitation. He wanted to do this for me.

“I need to get a plane ticket.”

“Okay. I have one final and then I'll meet you at the airport? Is that okay?”

“Oh, God.” I lowered my head. “We have finals. You can't miss finals.”

Nate cupped my face and kissed my lips. “I'll talk to the dean. It’ll be okay, I promise. This is a family emergency. He’ll understand.” He kissed me one last time before I gathered myself and made my way back to my dorm.

Delaney was nowhere in sight. I didn't care to text her. I grabbed my essential items and shoved them in a bag. Maxing out my emergency credit card, I bought two round-trip tickets to Chicago. I immediately felt better. He’d be with me every step of the way. Once I had the confirmation number, I sent him a quick text.

Me: I got the tickets. I'm emailing you the information. I'll see you at the airport. I love you.

Nate: I love you, too. I'll be there.

With my carry-on packed, I waited outside for the cab. The guilt of leaving Delaney without any notice got to me, so I flipped my phone and called her. It rang once before it went straight to voicemail.

“Hey, it's me.” I spoke softly. “My mother had a stroke. I'm on my way to the airport now. I don't know the state she's in, but I should be back soon. I'll call you when I get there.”

The cab pulled up to the curb and I slid my phone into my back pocket. “Where to?” the cabbie asked when he tossed my suitcase in the trunk of his black sedan.

“The airport, please.”

Climbing in, I sat back on the leather seat and turned my head, staring out the window as we drove through campus. It was then I spotted Delaney running out of Austin's car. Austin was good friends with Stu, Nate’s roommate. We all hung out with the same crowd. Delaney looked as though she’d been crying. What had happened? Or better yet, what was going on? Austin sat in the driver side, his head resting on the steering wheel. I wanted to comfort my friend. I didn’t want to see her suffer. Over the past few weeks our relationship had changed but it didn't mean I didn't still love her as my sister. I didn’t wish any harm for Delaney. But I was on the way to the airport. My mother needed me.

I gripped my cell phone in my hand once I cleared security. I didn’t want to miss any calls about my mother. The olive green leather chair was cool on my warm skin. My knee bounced as I waited. Had my mother received help early enough? Would there be permanent brain damage? So much could have happened to her.

I’d planned to spend this summer break in Charlotte—find a small apartment off campus where Nate could spend the night and we wouldn’t have to worry about anyone seeing us. Delaney would be traveling the world with her parents and Julian would be back home. But now I’d have to stay in Chicago.

Inhaling all the air my lungs could take, I whispered, “One step at a time, B.”

I flipped open my phone to check for any missed messages or calls. According to the time, Nate had finished his final.

Frantic, I sent him a quick message.

Me: Hey, I'm in terminal C. I'll see you soon <3

Our airplane had taxied and the gate area began to fill. A sea of people traversed the long corridor. My heart raced as I anticipated Nate’s arrival. More minutes passed and still no Nate.

“Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. At this time, we will begin boarding flight 2467 to Chicago.” The airline attendant made her boarding announcement over the loudspeaker. Her voice carried on about boarding groups but I ignored it. Checking my phone again, there was nothing from Nate.

I hit the call button. I needed to know where he was. It rang twice before he sent me to voicemail.

I called again.

Voicemail.

On the third time, it didn't ring. He sent me straight to voicemail.

My heart sank.

Had he gotten stuck with TSA?

The line to board was growing and still there was no sight of Nate. The line grew shorter, the sea of people disappeared.

“Ma'am,” the flight attendant said, approaching me. “This is the final call for boarding.”

“My boyfriend, he's coming,” I reassured her, or myself. It was the first and only time I’d ever referred to Nathaniel Wright as my boyfriend.

“I'm so sorry, but unfortunately, we need to close the door.”

I scanned her green eyes and looked down the hallway. I could wait for him or miss the plane.

My mother needed me.

I needed Nate.

I got on the plane.

CHAPTER 20

BRIELLE

THE AIR CONDITIONER was turned on max when I boarded the 737. Most of the first class seats were occupied, and I dragged my feet until I found my place among the few left in coach. I counted myself lucky that there was room in the overhead bin and tossed in my carry-on before I took the window seat. The middle seat was vacant.

Nate would surely get on the next plane.

Buckling my seatbelt, I closed my eyes and let the tears stream down my face. I cried for my mother, for the empty seat next to me, and for the fear of what lay ahead.

The plane touched down at O’Hare right on time. Most people dove out of their seat to be the first off the aircraft, but not me. I was operating at a sluggish pace. I powered my phone back on and waited for service. Following the line, I took down my carry-on and disembarked. Small baby steps.

There was no news from Nate or Dr. Christensen. No news was probably good news.

As I made my way down to ground transportation, my eyes locked on a familiar face. My lips pursed with hatred as his grew with a welcoming smile.

“There’s my girl!”

“What are you doing here, Brian?” I couldn’t hide my distaste for him. I hated that my mother named me after him. He’d wanted a little boy more than anything. But when the doctor handed me to my mother, she still chose to honor his name. Brielle Rose Hansen.

“Is that any way to talk to your father?” His tone was sharp, and I smelled liquor on his breath.

I sighed. There was no point in arguing with him. “How’s Mom?”

“She’s still in a coma. When I got to the hospital, the doctor told me she called you and you were on your way. Figured I’d give you a ride.”

“Can I have the keys?” I put my hand out. Brian cocked an eyebrow. “You’ve been drinking. I can smell it coming out of your pores.”

He dug into his pants pocket and pulled out his car keys. “You think you’re so smart now that you have a college education.”

Ignoring him, I switched to autopilot mode and walked toward the parking deck.

The sight of my mother with tubes down her throat destroyed me. I rushed to her side, held her hand, and cried.

“I’m so sorry, Mommy.” Warm tears dripped off my cheeks and onto the crisp white sheet.

My father stood in the far corner, tense as he regarded her.

The doctor cleared her throat as she walked into the room. Her white lab coat covered her hunter green scrubs. Her dark brown hair was pulled back in a low bun.

“Hi, I’m Dr. Christensen. We talked on the phone earlier.” Her voice was low when she spoke. “When Mrs. Hansen arrived in the ER, she was unresponsive. The CT scan showed that she had a hemorrhagic stroke, which is a ruptured blood vessel that caused the brain to bleed. We were able to fix the rupture, but there was a lot of swelling to the brain. Currently, we have her in an induced coma to allow the swelling go down.”

“Will she be okay?” My voice was so low I wasn’t sure if she heard me.

“Right now, we won’t be able to say much. Her heart is weak and she was without oxygen for quite some time.”

I bowed my head. This was all my fault. If I’d answered when she called. . . .

“The next forty-eight hours will be crucial. Do either of you know if she has a Do Not Resuscitate or did she request extraordinary measures?”

My head snapped up. “What?”

“She took out a few life insurance policies when she was pregnant with Brielle,” Brian said. “I don't think she’d want any additional measures.”

Anger boiled through me.

This was why he showed his damn face.

Money. It always resulted in money.

“Out.” I seethed. Brian’s eyes met mine. “Get. Out.

You selfish prick!” I shouted. “That’s why you’re here! You want to collect on my mother’s death!” I marched toward him, but Dr. Christensen stepped in front of me. “Get out, Brian! Get the fuck out!”

“Ms. Hansen, I need you to calm down,” Dr. Christensen stated in a firm voice.

“He’s fucking drunk. He’s drunk right now!”

She looked over at Brian. “Maybe you should leave.”

“She wouldn’t want to live if she was a burden for us,” he said.

“Leave, Mr. Hansen, or I’ll call security to escort you out.”

My father left and my strong stance faltered. Like a helpless child, I crumpled into Dr. Christensen’s arms and cried. Sadly, I found comfort in a complete stranger.

I sat on the recliner in my mom’s hospital room for hours. The nurses took pity on me and brought me dinner and water, but I had no appetite. Once I calmed, Dr. Christensen returned and I explained the situation between my parents. Unfortunately, she informed me, because my parents were still married, Brian was her next of kin, and unless there was a living will that stated otherwise, the decision was his.

For hours, I sat in the chair watching the machine fill my mother’s lungs with air, but my phone never rang and Nate never arrived The night shift nurse draped a blanket over me and I fell asleep. Though I was restless, my body tried to heal itself.

A sudden noise startled me awake. Scared, I looked over to my mother, but she was still sleeping quietly. The sun was peering through metal shades. A new nurse smiled at me.

“She’s fine,” she reassured me. Clearing my throat, I wiped the sleep from my face. “Your phone was buzzing.”

I ran my hand through my knotted hair and reached for it from a small table nearby. The backlit screen notified me I had one new text message.

Nate: I’m sorry, but I can’t go to Chicago. And I can’t be with you anymore.

CHAPTER 21

BRIELLE

FORTY-EIGHT HOURS.

Two thousand, eight hundred and twenty seconds.

Baby steps, I reminded myself. First priority was my mother. Then I would find a way to repair my broken heart.

It was late in the afternoon, and my mother’s blood pressure had dropped. I held firmly on to her hand, begging her to hold on tight.

I wasn’t sure I believed in God, but when those machines began to beep and the nurses breezed in, I began to pray.

“Please, God, save her. Please, Mom, stay with me. I’m not ready to lose you! I need your guidance, your love. You’re all I have, Mommy. Please, God, don’t do this to me!”

My prayers were answered and her blood pressure normalized. I exhaled a breath that was caught inside and dropped my head on the bed. I didn’t know how much more I could take.

A few hours after the low blood pressure incident, Dr. Christensen paid me a visit. She scanned the binder with my mother’s information and walked over to me.

“How is she doing?”

Dr. Christensen sighed. “Still no change. We will run another CT scan on her soon to check her brain activity. How are you doing?” She laid her hand on my shoulder.

I shook my head. “She’s all I have.”

“Brielle, maybe you should go home, take a shower, get some sleep. I’m on tonight, so I’ll call you if there’s any change.” She dug into her pocket and pulled out a business card. “My cell number is on there and also my pager. You can call any time.”

I ran my hands over my face. I was exhausted. My body ached and I couldn't remember the last time I showered. “I can’t leave her.”

“How about this.” She smiled at me. “I’ll have a resident take her to CT now and if her scans have improved, then you go home and at least try to sleep for a few hours.”

“Okay.”

A resident dressed in green scrubs wheeled my mother out of the room. I didn’t move from my seat. My eyes were glued to the specks of marbling in the floor tile. An hour later, the same resident wheeled my mother back. Dr. Christensen walked in behind him. She wore a small grin. I rose.

“The swelling has gone down tremendously. Tomorrow morning we'll wake her to determine if she suffered any brain damage, and then move her out of ICU and to the Neuro wing.”

I exhaled. A weight had been lifted off my chest.

“Go home, get some rest. Tomorrow is a big day and you’ll need it.”

Though it might have been inappropriate, I threw my arms around Dr. Christensen and hugged her.  “Thank you. For everything.”

Sliding the key into my mother’s house, I felt a cold shiver. The lights were still on and the house phone was on the kitchen floor. My heart ached.

I should have answered her call.

The button on the voicemail blinked. Pressing the play button, I listened to the messages.

“Pam, it’s Olga. Is everything okay? Harry was worried when you didn’t come in to work today.”

“Great,” I huffed. Not only was my mother in the hospital, she would most likely lose her job. I hit the stop button on the machine and made my way to the shower.

The cascading water was scalding hot, and washed the past two days off my body. Screw it. Sleep was the first thing I’d worry about. My mother needed me. Everything else would fall into place.

Surprisingly, I slept through the entire night, and felt rested when I rose. There were a few things I needed to get in order before I made my way back to the hospital, so I washed the dirty dishes in the sink, straightened up the house, and found my mother's living will. I thanked God yet again. There was no way my father could do anything to harm her now. I was named my mother's primary caregiver. After I did everything in the house, I sat on the couch and pulled my cell phone out of my purse. My finger pressed the on button and the gray screen turned green. I had three new voicemails from Julian and four text messages from Delaney.

Delaney: Hey, are you around? I need to talk to you.

Delaney: Hey, just heard your message. Hope your mom is okay. Keep me posted.

Delaney: Hey, how’s everything? Can you please call me?

Delaney: You’re freaking me out! Call me! I have news for you!

I hit the call back button and she picked up on the second ring. “Brie!”

“Hey.”

“Oh my God, I’ve been going crazy worried over here. How’s your mom?”

I sighed. “It was a bit of touch and go at first, but they plan on waking her up from the induced coma today. I’m actually on my way to the hospital soon.”

“But she’ll be okay?”

“We won't know for a while; they have to see if there was brain injury. For now, all I know is that she’ll live.”

“Oh, thank goodness.” Delaney cleared her throat. “I have something to tell you.” Her voice changed. The concerned tone for my mother's well-being dropped and it was replaced with a bit of glee. “I hate that I have to do this over the phone, but I’m pregnant!”

I was shocked.

Stunned.

“Brie, say something?”

Was this why she ran out of Austin’s car crying?

I opened my mouth to speak when the doorbell rang. “Del, I need to call you back.”

Pushing off the couch, I strolled to the door. My heart picked up speed as I turned the knob and pulled the door open. His back was toward me as he scanned the shady neighborhood.

He came!

No . . .

It wasn’t him.

Julian turned toward the door, a full, wide smile filling his face.

“I heard about your mom.” He scratched the back of his head in a nervous gesture. “I figured you might need your stuff.” He stepped to the side. My car was parked at the curb filled with my belongings.

A soft sob escaped me and I leapt into his arms. For months he had been by my side, loving me even when I didn’t love him back. “You drove all the way here?” I cried into his neck.

Julian pulled away so he could look at my face. “I’d do anything for you, Brie.”

“Oh, Julian.” I hugged him tighter.

He came for me. When I didn’t ask. When I desperately needed a friend. Julian came for me.

He held me for a few more seconds before I released my death grip and asked him in. “It’s not much,” I said, embarrassed. His mother’s house seemed like a mansion compared to mine.

“How’s your mom?” He asked as he sat on the couch.

I explained the hellish three days I had. “They’re waking her up today, so I should get to the hospital soon. When do you have to go back?”

“I’m here for you, Brie. As long as you need me, I’ll be here.”

I entwined my hand with his. “Thank you.” I swiped at a lone tear.

“Hey, did you hear?” A grin lit his face. “You’re going to be an aunt.”

“I can’t believe Del’s pregnant.” The thought of Delaney as a mother boggled me.

“I know. Nate will be a great father. He’s always wanted kids.”

The world stopped.

“Wait. What?”

“Yeah, Nate’s the dad. Crazy, right? Apparently, they got together one drunken night a few weeks back.”

Without a word, I stood from the couch, grabbed my cell phone and walked upstairs to my bedroom. Once my door was closed, I typed out one final text message to Nate.

Me: Pregnant? You got her pregnant?

Nate: I’m sorry.

Me: It’s not fair to ask, but please, Nate. Pick me. Don’t stay with her. She will never love you like I do. Come back to me.

Nate: I can’t.

His family had abandoned him. There was no way he would ever choose me. I’d never be good enough.

Me: Then forget me. Forget who I am. Forget everything we ever shared.

Nate: I’m sorry.

Me: Fuck. You.

With all my might, I tossed the phone across the room, breaking it into pieces. I’d never been good enough for the people in my life. I wasn’t good enough for my father. And I wasn’t good enough for Nate.

But Julian . . .

I was good enough for Julian.

PART II

Nobody likes change. Whoever said they looked forward to their life changing lied. But change is inevitable. I was ten years older; married. I moved on. But the moment my gaze landed on Nathaniel Wright, I was right back to where I had always been—hopelessly in love with him.

CHAPTER 22

BRIELLE

EXHAUSTED FROM A TWELVE-HOUR DRIVE, I parked my car across the street and considered Louisa's house. I’d been inside only once for Thanksgiving over ten years ago, and even though she was my mother-in-law, I’d never visited her.

It was now the home of Nathaniel and Delaney Wright. Two people who, at one point, were the closest friends I had.  Two people I hadn’t seen in a decade. Two people I avoided.

After I discovered their joyous news and sent Nate my hateful text message, I rose from my bedroom floor and made my mother's health my sole priority. Julian was a man of his word. He stayed beside me the entire time and became the man I needed in my life. I owed him everything. And with Nate out of the picture, I learned to love him. We had a small City Hall wedding where I vowed to be his wife. We were happy for many years. But I refused to ever return to Charlotte. It was simple. I didn’t want to leave my mother. The stroke caused permanent damage to her speech and she was bound to a wheelchair. Julian never pushed the subject. We didn’t even come down when Delaney and Nate welcomed their baby boy.

The reality was I couldn't stomach seeing Nate again.

Deep down in my heart, I knew I still loved him.

I wasn’t the same person who left Charlotte. Instead, I learned to live on autopilot, taking one day at a time.

The Brielle that Nate knew ten years ago was completely different from the woman I was today. I was filled with hatred and resentment, and I blamed him for all of it. He never really loved me.

I loved Julian. And this was why I came all the way to a place I swore I’d never step in again.

Inhaling the dry air in my car, I turned the engine off and pushed my shoulders back before I opened the door. “This is for my marriage,” I whispered as I stepped out of the car.

I reminded myself why I was here. Once you’re in, you’re in. I was staying in my marriage because I made a vow. Julian had given me promises, a house, a life. He picked me up when I was down.

But the fear that he’d continue to physically and verbally abuse me was why I came here. I would get him the help he needed to change.

My flip-flops slapped my heels as I stepped along the stone path. The landscaping had changed, and the house had been painted a periwinkle blue. The new black shutters told me the renovations were recent. With a trembling hand, I pressed the doorbell.

Nauseated.

Scared.

Anxious.

I wanted to hide and throw up. My legs threatened to bolt for a split second, but the door opened and there was no escaping the man standing before me.

Nathaniel.

Nate.

He was ten years older and—fuck me—he was one gorgeous specimen. His hair was cut short, and the scruff around his rigid jawline made me weak. His T-shirt covered broad shoulders. Why in God’s name did I still love that man?

This was a bad idea. It had been ten years. He was a stranger to me now, not to mention I probably looked like hell at the moment.

I turned and began to walk back to my car.

“Brielle, wait.” His voice was deeper, too. More masculine. And the way he said my name caused chills to run up my spine.

I turned back in his direction. “I'm sorry to knock on your door like this.” My voice was shaky. “I've been driving all day, and it didn't even dawn on me that I probably should've called.” My hands balled into fists. “But Julian needs help and I don’t know what else to do.”

Nate stood there motionless. The door opened further and Delaney greeted me. “Brielle! Don't be silly. You are never a bother.” Delaney hadn’t aged a day. With open arms, she closed the gap between us. “I haven't seen you in ages,” she mumbled into my hair. My gaze locked on Nate’s, and for the life of me, I couldn’t remember why I hated him.

Delaney hugged me tighter. “God, Brie, I've missed you so much. Come inside.”

I could feel Nate’s eyes on me as I walked across the threshold of their home, but I didn't dare look in his direction. One glance at him and I would lose my composure. I was here on a mission. I was here because I needed help. I swallowed back the golf ball sized nodule that had lodged in my throat and forced myself to smile at Delaney.

My lips parted to speak when I heard the closing of the back door and footfalls running through the house.

“Dad!” A young boy’s voice ricocheted through the house. It wasn't bad enough that Nate had stayed behind and married Delaney, but he had made a family with her.

The air vanished from my lungs as I anticipated meeting their son, Caleb. My nephew. I expected a younger version of Nate’s broad shoulders, scruffy brown hair, and piercing green eyes. Instead, I was greeted with a boy who had strawberry blonde hair and crimson freckles scattered across his cheeks.

I’d seen those freckles before on a boy named Austin. I pushed the thought out of my mind. It was not my place to meddle in anyone’s life when mine was in shambles.

Nate cleared his throat and opened his arm to the boy. “Caleb, this is your Aunt Brielle, Uncle Julian's wife.”

Bile rose in my stomach. This was wrong. Everything that had broken my soul was right in front of me: Nate, Delaney, and their family in their perfect fucking house.

“Hi,” the boy said timidly. His long eyelashes covered his big brown eyes. “It's nice to meet you.”

His soft spoken voice pulled me out of a trance. “Hi, Caleb.” I smiled.

“What did I tell you about running in the house?” Delaney rested her hands on her hips.

“Sorry, Mom.” Caleb bowed his head.

“Honey, why don't you take Caleb out to play catch?” Delaney looked over at Nate. “I think Brie and I need to talk.”

I forced my features to remain neutral and didn't meet Nate's gaze, though I felt his on me. The two exchanged a few whispered words as I scanned the foyer and took in their house.

It looked as though it was taken out of a Country Living magazine. Light walls, beautifully arranged furniture, and bouquets of fresh flowers scattered on various surfaces. Long white curtains hung from high on the wall, the sunset peering right into the living room, and family photos of the three of them were everywhere.

I wanted to run away. I wanted to throw up. I wanted to get back in my car and never look back. But I was there for Julian, and Nate was the only one who could help me.

“Come on, champ.” From the corner of my eye, I saw Nate ruffle Caleb's hair. “Let's play some ball.”

Delaney and I watched as Nate and Caleb strolled through the house and out the back door. When it shut behind them, she turned and looked at me

“Come on, let's sit in the living room.”

“Your house is beautiful, Del.” It seemed my dirty shorts would smudge her cream sofa.

“Thank you.” She sat next to me and smiled widely. “Nathan did it all himself.” She said her husband's name with such pride. “He worked at it little by little until we made it our home.” The way she said home was a dagger in my heart. I was so careless ten years ago. So stupid and young. What I felt for Nate was nothing like he felt for me. He built Del a home. And I was tossed aside.

Delaney placed her hand on my lap, her eyes soft and a sad smile on her face. “Talk to me, Brielle. I know it's been years since we've spoken, but tell me what's going on.”

She looked as stunning as ever, with her handsome husband and a child they both loved, while I looked homeless with layers of foundation covering the bruise Julian left on my cheek.

My eyes swelled up with tears. “I guess I have to start from the beginning.” Delaney grabbed a tissue and handed it to me.  “When my mother had her stroke, life changed completely. I was lost; I didn’t know what to do. My father wanted to pull the plug on her, and the floor was slipping out from underneath me. Then Julian showed up at my door and he was my anchor. My mother lost her jobs and her health care benefits, but Julian discovered a whole life insurance policy that had cash value. My mother’s left side was paralyzed, and her rehab and physical therapy bills were insane.” I closed my eyes and allowed myself to remember those dreaded days.

“I became her power of attorney. I was able to cash out the policy to pay for her medical expenses. Of course, my father was there when I withdrew the money and asked for half of it.” I pinched the bridge of my nose, reliving my darkest moments.

“Oh, Brie.” Delaney held my hand.

“My mother doesn't know how to stand up to my father; she's never been able to. Even when she couldn’t speak or walk, she wanted to give it to him. But Julian stood up to him. He kicked Brian out of the house, and soon he became the man I fell in love with. Our provider.”

Delaney looked at me with her brow furrowed.

“He started working for this man, Dennis. He paid Julian a lot of money, and everything was great. We got married, my mother got better, and Julian paid for her housing in an assisted living home. Dennis bought my mother’s house in cash, and we bought a townhouse in the heart of Chicago. Then Julian changed. There were nights he came home with blood on his hands. He grew angry over the years, and he took his frustration out on me.” I bowed my head in shame. “I don't know why I waited so long to ask for help.”

“Oh, my.” Delaney reached for a tissue and wiped her own tears.

“When he gets really angry, I become his punching bag. Julian was a wonderful husband until he started working for Dennis. “I sobbed.

Delaney hugged me. “Why did you stay? Why did you wait so long?”

I shook my head and looked at their fireplace. “Because I’m my mother’s daughter, and when you’re in, you’re in.” Her eyebrows pinched together. “I gave him ten years. I signed a piece of paper and vowed for better or worse. I can’t turn on him now. If he’s willing to make this marriage work, I am too. I owe everything I am to Julian.”

“You just told me you were his punching bag.”

“Not all marriages are perfect.” I glared at a picture of her and Nate. “I can't live with the fear of knowing my husband might be killing someone in order to make a living for us.”

Delaney heaved a deep sighed. Her manicured nails ran through her hair. “I’ll talk to Nate. In the meantime, you'll stay with us.”

“No.” I shook my head.

“Yes. You’re family, Brie, and there's no way I'll let you go back to him until we have it all figured out.”

“I don't want to impose.”

“You're not imposing.” Delaney held my hand.  “You're my sister. I can't let you go through this alone.” A kind smile grew on her face.  “So much time has passed. I think you need us now more than ever.”

I wasn’t their charity case. I was here for Julian, not myself. “Really, Del, I don't want to barge into your life. There’s no need to stay here with all my drama.”

“I won’t take no for answer.” She crossed her arms over her chest. “And I know Nate won’t have it any other way.”

“I’ll get a hotel room and then we can figure it all out.”

“Don't be silly. You can stay in the apartment above the garage.”

“Apartment?”

“When we found out I was pregnant with Caleb, my parents disowned me. Daddy hated the fact I had thrown my career down the drain. But Louisa took us in. Nate and Warren built an apartment over the garage so we had our own space.”

“Thank you.” It was all I could say.

A beeping sound startled me. I glanced at Delaney. “That's the oven. I was making dinner. Give me just a few minutes.” She held my hand. “Or you can come with me and we can continue our conversation. We have so much to catch up on.”

“No,” I said sharply. The last thing I wanted was to hear more about her wonderful life with the man I loved. I looked down at my purse. “I probably should turn my phone on and face the world.”

Delaney nodded sympathetically. “I’ll give you some privacy.”

She walked down the hallway, and I tiptoed out of the house to check my cell. Thirty missed messages and twelve new voicemails. Ignoring all of Julian's, I read the messages from Yve, my only friend in Chicago. She was a cashier at the paint store where I worked, but she was also my therapist, my shoulder to cry on, and the only person who had kept me sane for the past year.

Yve: Hey. Are you coming in today?

Yve: Julian just called the store looking for you. Are you okay?

Yve: Now I'm freaking out. Where are you?

Yve: Julian came and yelled at me! He said you left. Seriously, Brielle, if you’re not dead in a ditch, can you please call me!

I moved past the text messages and on to her first voicemail.

“Hey B. I'm only having the world’s biggest panic attack. What the fuck happened? Please call me. Dickwad came by the store three times today. I'm freaking the fuck out!”

Sitting on the Adirondack chair near the front door, I pulled my phone away from my ear and hit the call back button. It only rang once before she answered it.

“Sweet baby Jesus. Looks who's calling. Tell me you're okay,” she said in one rushed breath.

It was the first time I smiled. “I'm fine, Yve.”

“Are you sure? Because you've never missed work and your husband has gone ape shit looking for you.”

I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose. “I couldn't take it anymore. I'm so tired. Last night was the last straw.”

“I know, babe.” Her voice dropped the exaggerated tone. “Why don't you come by? I'll make some margaritas and we can bash the asshole.”

“I can't.”

“You're turning down tequila and Julian bashing?”

I chuckled. “I can't because I'm in . . . Charlotte.” I closed my eyes, anticipating her response.

“You're. . . . Oh, shit . . . Oh, motherfucking shit. You left one asshole to go see Satan?” I heard Yve bang something against a hard surface. “Are you out of your fucking mind?”

She was the only person who knew everything that had happened between Nate and me. She had been at the hospital visiting her ailing grandmother while I was there with my mother. She caught me crying in the bathroom a few days after I found out about Nate and Delaney’s pregnancy. I was standing near the sink, my hands covering my face as I wept. She walked out of the stall with her pink tipped platinum blonde hair and said, “Who’s the bastard? I’ll kill him.” She always knew what to say to make me laugh, and from that moment on, we were friends.

“He's the only one who can help Julian,” I said weakly.

“What the fuck is there to help, Brielle?”

“Yve, please. He's my husband.”

“I know. I know. He was there for you when your world was falling apart, blah, blah, blah. But, Brie, how many times do we have to go over this? That was ten years ago. You don’t owe him shit. Well, technically, you owe him a kick in the balls.”

From the corner of my eye, I spotted Nate walking toward me. Alone. “Listen, Yve, I have to go.”

“Okay, call me when you can, and please try not to fall for Satan's words. He chose her.” Never had Yve said anything more accurate. Nate had chosen Del.

“Thanks for the reminder.” I rushed to get the words out before hitting the power button.

Nate came near in long strides. The conversation we were about to have had been ten years in the making.

CHAPTER 23

NATHANIEL

I WAS DUMBFOUNDED.

Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine Brielle would knock on my door asking for help.

I had so many things to say to her. I needed to apologize, explain myself, yet my words were lost. Beauty radiated from the woman in front of me, and I desperately wanted to take her in my arms and kiss her.

But I wasn’t twenty-one.

And her last words to me were Fuck. You.

I was certain she hated me more than she ever loved me, for I left her when she desperately needed me. I knew the man her father was, and she had to face him alone. I gripped the steering wheel firmly and let my mind drift.

“All right, your time is up,” Professor Johnson stated. I shoved my pencil in my book bag and dashed out of my seat. I had a plane to catch. Handing my calculus final in, I left the room and headed straight home. Stu had offered to give me a ride to the airport.

When I pulled in the driveway I spotted Delaney sitting on the front steps. Her head was buried in her knees.

“Delaney?” I said as I approached her. When she lifted her head I noticed her face was covered with tears. “What’s the matter?” I rushed to her side. My mind instantly thought of Brielle.

“Can . . . can . . . we talk?” she muttered.

“Of course.” I gave her my hand and ushered her into the house. “What’s up?”

Her eyes swelled with unshed tears. “I’m pregnant.” She huffed.

My body went cold with fear.

Delaney pulled out a positive pregnancy test stick and handed it to me.

I shook my head in shock. “We . . . I . . . I couldn’t remember much of the night we spent together. “That was four weeks ago. Are you sure?”

“I’m late, Nate, I’m never late.” She sat back on the couch and cried. “What am I going to do?”

My phone buzzed in my pocket. I didn’t need to check the text message to know it was Brielle.

With a heavy heart I walked over to Delaney and kneeled in front of her. My future had been chosen for me. I wouldn’t be going to Chicago. I’d be a man and accept the consequences of my actions. “You don’t have to do this alone.” I took Delaney’s hand in mine. “I’ll be here throughout it all.”

“Yeah?” She looked up at me.

“We’ll figure it out.”

I couldn’t turn away from my responsibilities, even if it meant going back on my word to Brielle. I had fathered a child and I refused to abandon a helpless infant the way my parents had. So I sent Julian after her. He loved her almost as much as I did. I hoped he’d bring her back once everything was better. I never expected her to marry him. And every time I sent her an email, it went unanswered.

I craved her touch, her laughter. Being around her made my life better.

Delaney had ushered her into the living room and then asked me to keep Caleb occupied while they talked. But I wanted to be the one to talk to her. She looked tired when I first saw her, and the spark in her eyes had dimmed.

Caleb bounced the basketball up and down the driveway as I watched him, but my mind was elsewhere. What the hell had my brother gotten into?

“Dad, that was a three point shot, right?”

I nodded and pulled out my cell phone. If Delaney wanted to talk to Brielle first, I needed to talk to Julian.

“Hello?” he answered. He sounded agitated, and I knew why he was angry.

“She’s here,” I assured him.

“What?”

“Your wife.” I shook my head slowly, hating that small fact. “She arrived here a little while ago. You want to tell me what going on, little brother?”

“She’s okay? She’s there?” I heard his voice break and I knew he was crying. What had happened between these two?

“Julian, what the hell is going on?”

“It’s all my fault. Last night I was drunk, and I did things I will regret for the rest of my life.” He cleared his throat. “She was in bed this morning when I left, and when I got back from work her clothes were gone. She didn’t call, didn’t leave a note.”

“What did you two fight about?”

“I don’t remember, bro. She painted a wall red and then accused me of cheating.”

I exhaled. “Did you cheat?”

“I don’t ask you about your fucking marriage. Why are you so concerned about mine?” The temper Julian had as a child had returned.

“I ask because your wife drove twelve hours to tell me you need help.”

“Fuck! I can’t lose her, Moose.”

Holding the phone to my ear, I bowed my head. “Get your shit packed, sober the fuck up, and get on a plane tomorrow morning.”

“I need to see her now,” Julian barked.

“I doubt that the girl who drove twelve hours to knock on my door and ask for help is ready to forgive you. She’s talking to Del now. I’ll make sure she’s safe. Let her calm down, sleep it off, and tomorrow you two can talk.”

Julian was quiet for a few seconds. “Okay. Moose. Tell her I love her.”

“Will do.” I sighed and hung up the phone.

Glancing back at the house I noticed Delaney in the kitchen window. “Where is she?” I mouthed to her. Del raised her hand like a telephone and brought it close to her ear. I nodded. “Caleb?” I turned back to the basketball hoop. “Dinner’s almost ready, so wash up and help your mother set the table.”

Caleb bounced the basketball in my direction. “Is Aunt Brielle staying for dinner?”

“Yes. Now go before your mother comes looking for you.”

Caleb ran across the deck and into the house. I put the basketball away and went to search for Brielle. I didn’t know what to say to her, or if she even wanted to talk to me, but there was no other way.

When my mother gave us this home, I first refused it. It didn’t seem right that I inherit it. My entire life I was the foster kid no one wanted. Louisa was the only one who took me in. She had done enough for me; giving me a house free of charge was too much. She and Warren had decided to fellowship with the church and would be living in Ecuador. I offered to buy it from them for the market price but Louisa wouldn’t accept it. We ended up agreeing that I would buy it for the same price they purchased it for.

Once they left, I began to work on it, customizing it to suit my wife’s desires. The house was perfect for me, but Delaney insisted on a new kitchen, updated bathrooms, and new hardwood floors.

I’d walked into the hardware store, clueless. I had a list of things I wanted to do and no idea how to accomplish any of it. I asked an employee for help, and soon realized the projects Delaney wanted would cost thousands of dollars. I didn’t know what to say to my wife, so I sat on the Adirondack chair the store had for sale and contemplated it. That chair was the first thing I bought for the house. Every Sunday afternoon, I’d crack open a beer, sit on the chair, and think of Brielle.

As I rounded the corner of the house, there she was sitting on the chair and talking on the phone. She noticed me approaching and slid the phone into her back pocket. She straightened, her hands crossed at her thighs. Clearing my throat, I sat next to her. The wind blew in my direction and her scent flew my way. I’d missed her.

“How are things?” I said after an awkward silence lingered between us.

“You don’t have to do this.” Her gaze was glued to the grass.

“Do what?”

“Make pretend you care.” She snapped her head in my direction. She tried to keep her composure, but there was hurt in her eyes. Years of pain and suffering. “I’m here for Julian. I only need your help with him. There’s no need for you to ask how I’m doing.” She hated me, and there was nothing I could do to change that.

“I spoke to Julian.” Her tensed shoulders dropped. “He’ll be here tomorrow morning.” Brielle pursed her lips, lowered her eyes and looked away. Her body shook slowly and I knew she was crying. “Brie…”

Shaking her head, she wiped the tears from under her eyes. “I’m fine.”

I wondered how many times she had lied to herself with those words. “Talk to me.” I rested my elbows on my knees.

“There’s nothing to say.”

“You drove all the way here and there’s nothing you want to say?”

“I’ve told Delaney everything that’s going on with Julian. She’ll fill you in.”

“I’m your friend, too. You can talk to me.”

Her head snapped in my direction. “Friend? It hurts to even look at you, Nate. We will never be friends. I must’ve been out of my mind thinking it was smart to come here and ask you for help.” She sighed. “All I need is for you to help Julian, get him on the right track, and make him quit working for Dennis. That’s it.”

I nodded. I deserved that.

Caleb came running through the front door and in our direction. “Mom said dinner’s ready.” Brielle stood and walked toward Caleb. “Aunt Brielle, can I sit next to you?” His eyes were wide when he looked up at her. Brielle nodded and then placed her arm around his shoulders.

It pained me to see them together. It was a sight that had burned in my mind years ago when I desperately wanted her to be the mother of my children.

CHAPTER 24

BRIELLE

AFTER DINNER, Caleb retrieved my suitcase from of my car and carried it up the stairs to the garage apartment. He was a bright and charming young boy. Throughout dinner, I grew fonder of him with each passing second. He seemed eager to know everything about me, and unlike other nine-year-old boys who only wanted to watch TV or play video games, Caleb wanted to show me where I’d be staying.

Opening the door, he turned on the light and smiled. “Welcome to your new home.” He waved his hand as he showcased the one-bedroom apartment. It was small, with only one entrance that led into the kitchen and no wall between that space and the living room.

Delaney walked me through the fully furnished apartment. She pointed out the linen closet and assured me the towels were fresh. Her voice faded when my gaze landed on the one blood red wall in the living room. I stopped dead in my tracks, unable to look away.

“Yeah, sorry about the obvious red,” Delaney said. “It was the first thing Nate painted.” She turned away from me and looked back at him. “You were so adamant about this stupid red wall.”

“It’s important to me,” he said from the kitchen in a husky voice.

Inhaling slowly, I reminded myself that one red wall didn’t mean shit. He still chose her.

“Well, if you need anything, call.” Delaney walked over to me and gave me a hug.

“Can I sleep with Aunt B?” Caleb jumped in place.

“No.” Delaney shook her head. “You have school first thing in the morning, and your Aunt Brie needs to rest.”

I thanked Delaney again as I closed the door behind them. Strolling back to the couch, I sat back and stared at the red wall.

Just like we had painted in my dorm room on Christmas Eve . . .

Just like I had painted in my home the night before.

I sighed and looked up at the ceiling. “What the hell are you doing, Brielle?” When I couldn’t answer my own question, I stood and decided I desperately needed a shower.

Delaney kept the apartment ready for guests at all times. I dug through my bag until I found my pajamas and toiletries. To my surprise, the bathroom was stocked with soap, shampoo and conditioner. The medicine cabinet even had new toothbrushes.

I showered until the water turned cool, washing the dirt and travel stench off my body, then sat on the floor of the tub until my skin wrinkled. After I felt clean and had changed, I walked aimlessly around the apartment, familiarizing myself with their previous love nest. I left my duffle bag in the living room and planned sleep on the couch. It felt odd sleeping in a bed they shared as husband and wife, but the couch idea was a bust when I realized how uncomfortable it was. I needed to let go of my insecurities and face my fears head on. Ten years had passed. We had all grown up. Standing tall, I grabbed my duffle bag, marched into the bedroom, and turned the light on. A full size bed was in the center with a small night stand. I placed my bag on the dresser near the window that looked out onto their home. They had no window on the second level but one on the first. My gaze trailed down the siding of the house to the lighted opening. I gasped when I realized Nate was looking back at me. He sat on an office chair, his green eyes locked on mine, and he flashed me a smile.

I don’t know how long I stood there looking at him. He had broken me and now he was trying to save my marriage. I loved him. There was no denying that.

I watched as he brought his cellphone to his ear and jumped when the phone on the side of the bed began to ring. I looked at the phone and then over at him. He held up his phone, letting me know it was him calling. Picking it up, I didn’t say anything. I could hear him breathing on the other side. Like a fly attracted to the light, I walked over to the window, phone glued to my ear. Nate smiled when he spotted me.

“Hi,” he whispered. My stomach dropped. “Did you find everything okay?”

“Yes.”

Nate’s tongue ran across his lips. “I’m sorry. I should’ve gone to Chica—”

“Don’t.” I shook my head. “What good is an apology ten years too late?”

He huffed. “Tell me what I can do to make you forgive me.”

“You don’t want my forgiveness, Nate.”

“I do.”

“No.” I shook my head. “You want the guilt to stop, but I can’t help you with that. You made your bed—now lie in it. You want to help? Help Julian. The quicker you do that, the quicker I can get out of here and go home.”

I pulled the phone away from my ear, hung up, and walked away from the window. Turning off the light, I crawled into bed.

Sleep.

I desperately needed sleep.

I woke up the following morning to a soft tap on the door. Disoriented, I shoved off the mattress as I blurrily scanned the room and my brain registered where I was. Wiping the drool from the side of my face, I stumbled to the door and was greeted by Nate. The scruff around his face had been shaved clean, and his fitted suit hugged his body.

“Morning. Brought you this.” He handed me a travel mug. The aroma of rich coffee was exactly what I needed to pull me out of my sleepy haze. “I forgot that we didn't stock the kitchen.”

Nervously, I gripped the cup and crossed my arms over my braless chest. “Thanks.”

“Delaney took Caleb to school and then she's off to work. I have a meeting, but as soon as it's done, I'll be back.”

“I don't need a babysitter.”

“I’m not babysitting you. Julian will be here soon, and I told him I’d pick him up from the airport.” Nate dropped his tone and stepped closer, his eyes landing on my cheek. “How did you hurt yourself?” His thumb grazed my chin and I winced at his touch.

“It's nothing.” I jerked way. It usually took two days for a slapped cheek to bruise; a backhand was a few hours to a day depending on the force, and I had cause to know a ruptured eardrum took roughly two months to heal. “I rolled off the couch.”

Nate scanned my eyes. “I'll be back in an hour or so. If you need anything—”

I raised my hand to stop him. “I have a car. I have a cell phone. I lived in Charlotte before. I'm fine, Nate. You don't need to worry about me.”

“Okay.” He smiled and walked back down the steps. I was admiring his behind in his fitted pants when he turned back to face me. “Oh, nice shirt by the way.” He winked.

I glanced down at my shirt and slammed the door shut. The sweater I slept in most nights was the same sweater I’d taken from the back seat of his truck when I’d been caught in the rain all those years ago. “Asshole,” I muttered to the wooden door.

The coffee Nate handed me was perfect. Exactly how I liked it. He remembered. I showered, tamed the beast that was my hair, and covered the bruise on my cheek with makeup. The dark circles under my eyes had faded, and it was the first time my hair was down since being here. When I glanced in the mirror, I looked like me.

Turning on the TV, I flipped through the channels. The news was depressing, cooking didn’t interest me, and reality TV still wasn’t worse than my own life. “Crap!” I shut the TV off and tossed the remote. I sent a text message to Yve and ask her if our boss Tony was in.

Yve: Don't worry about it, babe. I covered for you.

Me: What did you say?

Yve: That your brother-in-law died and you were at the wake.

Me: Are you insane? That's a terrible excuse.

Yve: Satan goes near you and I'll personally kill him myself.

Me: Be nice. He's being good.

Yve: OMG! YOU’RE ALREADY DEFENDING HIM???? COME HOME NOW!

Me: I'm not defending him. He's picking up Julian at the airport. We'll be home soon.

Yve: Keep me posted.

Tossing my phone where I left the remote, I decided some fresh air would do me good. I'd gone over what I planned to say to Julian once he arrived, but it still didn’t make the anticipation any easier. Would he be mad that I left? Was he willing to change his ways?

The warm outdoor air caused a bead of sweat to form on the back of my neck. Closing my eyes, I listened to the birds chirping. Life in the south was serene, not like the traffic-filled, polluted air back home. When I opened my eyes, I spotted a box of chalk tucked under the deck. The heavy clouds to the far east told me rain was on the way, so anything I doodled now would soon be washed away.

Bent over the asphalt driveway, I let the chalk slide against the blacktop. I started at the top with the clouds and the bright sun. Drawing from memory, I drew in trees, columns, and tiny windows. I was so lost in my work that I didn’t hear Nate come up behind me.

“That’s the Bissell House.”

I jumped at the sound of his voice. “What the hell?” I tossed a chalk at him. “Are you trying to scare the living crap out of me?”

Nate chuckled and walked on my artwork. “You still have your talent, I see. Drawing it from memory, too.”

“It was where it all started,” I muttered under my breath. “I wouldn’t call doodling with chalk a talent.”

“What do you do for work back home?”

“What do you do, Mister Fancy Pants?” I asked, ignoring his question.

“I’m an architect for the city.”

“That’s great.” I began to put the small tidbits of chalk back in the pail.

“And you?” He squatted near one and picked it up.

“I work at a hardware store.” Nate had been walking in my direction and stopped. “I work in the paint department. Some of the time I paint murals and stuff in people's homes, other times I restock the shelves.”

“Like a Home Depot?”

I dropped the chalk in the pail. “Yeah.” I huffed. “I assume Del has told you what Julian does for a living?” Nate nodded. “Well, is there anything else you’d like to know?”

“Why a hardware store?”

I laughed and shook my head. “Of all the possible questions you could ask, that wasn’t the one I expected.” I walked over to the deck and put the pail back where I found it. “It was the only place that was hiring and would give me flexible hours. Not everyone is eager to hire a college dropout.”

“You never finished—”

“Nope,” I answered his question before he could ask it. “With my mom’s stroke, it was stupid to go back to and finish an art degree. Not many jobs out there.”

“But Julian finished.”

“Yes. It took him some time, and I helped him study, but he graduated. As did you.” I waved my hand toward his tailored suit.

“But you had a dream. Curator at the Louvre.”

“I had many dreams.”

Our eyes met. Nate opened his mouth to say something, but I stopped him.

“Sometimes dreams are just that—dreams. A small escape from reality. I learned to stop dreaming and face my life head on.”

Nate frowned. “I need to go change and pick up Julian at the airport. Do you want to come?”

I shook my head. “I’ll see my husband when he gets here.” I began to walk back toward the garage.

“Brie?” Nate called out at my back. When I turned to face him, I was greeted by a gorgeous smile. “Don’t stop dreaming. There’s still a chance it can become reality.”

He was my dream. A life with him was what I fantasized about. But it was unattainable. My dreams were a fairytale that ended with a bullshit happily ever after.

CHAPTER 25

NATHANIEL

DURING THE DRIVE to the airport, I pressed the accelerator and let my car weave through traffic. The last time I saw my brother was a little over eight years ago. He came down to visit our mother when she and Warren decided to leave for Ecuador. I’d paced the apartment as I awaited his arrival. I’d wanted to see him, but most of all, I’d wanted to see her.

But she never came.

We were having dinner when he casually informed us all that he and Brielle had gone to City Hall, and he didn’t want the house because he and his wife were happy in Chicago.

His wife.

It shocked us all.

Masking my gloom, I congratulated him and welcomed him into the club.

A lifetime had passed since I last saw my kid brother.

Parking my car, I strolled into Baggage Claim and spotted Julian yanking a suitcase off the carousel.

“Need some help?” I offered when I approached him.

He spun toward me, a wide smile on his face. “Moose!” He wrapped his arms around me.

“How are you, kid?” I stepped back and took him in. He looked the same as the last time I saw him. The only difference was he looked exhausted.

“I’m tired.”

“Come on.” I reached for the handle on his bag.

“Hold on, I have one more.” He pointed to another large suitcase.

“Do you think you brought enough?”

He slid another one off and stood it upright. “I did.” He lifted the handle. “Brielle and I can’t go back there.” Julian began to walk toward the exit.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“I quit my job. And the people I worked for weren’t very happy about my sudden notice.”

“What the fuck did you get into?”

“It doesn’t matter.” We stopped and waited for the light to change before we crossed the street. “I need to make her happy. What I did before won’t follow me here.”

I huffed “I assume you don’t have a job?”

“I have twenty-thousand dollars saved in the bank. That should keep us on our feet for a bit. Brie will find work, and so will I.”

“I’ll make a few phone calls. See if I can get you some interviews for a city job.”

We walked to the car and I popped the trunk. Julian looked over at me and nodded. “Thanks, man. You’ve always been the best brother a guy could ask for.” I gripped his shoulder as words failed me. “I’ve done wrong by her, but I promise you I’ll be the man she’s always needed.”

CHAPTER 26

BRIELLE

I ANTICIPATED JULIAN'S RAGE. When Nate informed me he was coming, I visualized the argument. He would come in, demand I leave at once, and we'd have a standoff.

But that wasn't the case.

Shortly after Nate left for the airport, Delaney arrived home for lunch. The rain had washed away the chalk on the driveway, and I was sitting under the gazebo watching the water trickle onto the perfectly manicured lawn, my mind deep in thought.

“Hey,” Delaney greeted me when she hopped out of her small Mercedes-Benz. I smiled at her, but I knew it was forced. I was lost, my marriage was hanging on by a thread, and my life was in shambles. “The back door is always open, so feel free to come in as you please. I don't want you waiting around for us. Please, Brie, make yourself at home.”

“Thanks,” I whispered.

“Come on,” Delaney motioned with her hand, “I'll make a fresh pot of coffee.”

I had no appetite, but I could never refuse caffeine. I followed Delaney across the deck into her kitchen where I sat at the wooden table. I folded my hands, and my mind continued to replay the last ten years of my life. It was a broken record that wouldn’t stop playing.

“You look deep in thought,” she observed as she yanked the fridge door open.

“I'm scared,” I admitted.

“It'll be okay, Brie.” She placed the milk carton on the table. “Nate and I will make sure Julian gets the help he needs.”

I sighed. The future conversation with Julian was inevitable. I was drained, and most days I wished one of his blows would knock me out of my misery. I shook the dreadful thought from my mind. “What do you do?” I looked away from my crossed hands and to Delaney. “For work, I mean.” At one point Delaney knew everything about me, but now we were complete strangers. She and Nate seemed to have the perfect life.

I envied her.

I wanted the life she had.

“I have a clothing boutique downtown, and three times a week I teach yoga.”

The front door opened, and my heart began to race. I bowed my head as the footfalls neared the kitchen. You could hear a pin drop as no one uttered a sound. I'd been a victim for the past ten years, and even though I tried to fight back, I was too weak. Something in me would always fall back on Julian.

“Brielle,” Julian's voice echoed through the house.

Finding some small piece of courage, I looked up at him. Warm tears trickled down my face. His expression softened and he darted toward me.

“I'm so sorry, baby.” He dropped to his knees and hugged me. “I'm so fucking sorry.”

My arms wrapped around his head and I wept. “Me too,” I cried.

From the corner of my teary eyes, I noticed Nate was standing next to Delaney with his arms wrapped around her. It was odd to have such an emotional conversation with my husband while the man I desperately loved stood only a few feet away.

“I'm sorry I left. I didn't know what else to do.”

“I know, baby. I promise to change. Things will be different.” Julian looked up at me, his thumb brushing my tear stained cheek. “I swear, Brie, I will never be that man again.”

I nodded, and Julian brought his lips to mine. Relief washed over me for a split second, but then deja vu smacked me upside the head. He'd apologized many times before, and still he returned to his abusive ways.

I pulled away from his embrace. “I don't want you to work for Dennis anymore.” My voice was stern.

His Adam’s apple bobbed and he nodded. “I know. It's done. I quit, and we'll be moving down here. I packed all our stuff.”

“You what?” I stood. I didn’t know much about Dennis, but I knew he couldn’t just stop working for him.

“There’s no other way out of it. I can’t stay in Chicago.”

I shook my head in disbelief. “Our home is there. My job is there. My life.”

“I’m sorry. If I go back, Dennis will have me killed.” Julian stood. “There’s no other way.”

I ran a nervous hand through my hair. “What are we supposed to do here for work? There has to be something you can do. You can’t just pick up and leave everything behind.”

Julian narrowed his eyes. “This is what needs to be done. I’ve done a lot in the past for Dennis that can incriminate him. He’ll want me dead if I go back.” The apologetic tone had vanished.

Shaking my head, I covered my face. “What…Why…God! Why did you work for a monster?”

Nate cleared his throat. “I told Julian I’d talk to some people, get him an interview.”

“And you two are more than welcome to stay in the apartment for as long as you want.” Delaney smiled brightly at me.

No, it couldn't be the four of us all over again. “I don’t want to be your charity case.” I stood and shook my head. “I’m sorry, but no.”

“You’re not charity.” Delaney walked over and grabbed my hand. “You’re family, and we’d be honored to have you both here.”

I glanced at Julian, and a smile overtook his features. My gaze turned to Nate, and I regretted it instantly. His eyes were bright, the perfect shade of green, and the way he looked at me . . . I’d seen that look many times before. I couldn’t be in the same place he was. He had an uncontrollable power over me. Only he could ignite the fire that burned deep inside me. A fire that I tried to put out a long time ago and never could. It was only a matter of time before history repeated itself.

“Fine.”

Julian pulled me into his arms. “It’s settled, then.”

If it was too good to be true, it was most likely bullshit. Julian was the doting, loving husband for one solid week. Six days to be exact. We had six days that I felt a weight was lifted off my shoulders and I could breathe.

Dennis was behind us. Julian assured me there was no way he’d ever find us, and I believed him. He seemed to be getting along great with Nate, and promised we would only stay with Nate and Delaney for a few weeks until we found a place of our own.

But I quickly realized it was all a load of crap.

After our decision to stay in Charlotte, I found a job at a local diner. I had no experience and no degree, so my choices for quick employment were slim. Julian went on three interviews, but didn’t receive any call backs. Every morning, he went with Nate to search for potential job offerings. I still had hope he would find something soon and we would get our own place, but until then I worked every shift the diner had to offer.

It was Sunday afternoon, and I’d just finished the graveyard shift at the diner, along with an additional morning shift for a co-worker who called in sick. My body ached from the long hours I’d spent on my feet, I had a pounding headache, and the odor of burnt coffee followed me like a cloud of smoke.

I dragged my body up the garage steps as I mentally assured myself I was inching closer to my bed. I was surprised to find the door ajar, and when I pushed it open, Julian was standing with his back to me, hunched over at the kitchen counter.

“Hey,” I said. I craved a long shower and sleep. He didn’t utter a word so I stepped closer. “Julian?” I rested a hand on his shoulder. His muscles tensed under my touch. “Hey, what's the matter?”

“You have the nerve to ask?” He dragged his words out in a slow slur.

“I have no clue what you're talking about.”

With a sharp turn he spun around, and the back of his hand collided with my face. “You came here!” he barked, and I smelled the bourbon on his breath. I couldn’t speak. Sharp pain caused my skin to burn. “We were happy in Chicago. I was somebody there. I had respect. Here, I’m a fucking nobody.”

The metallic tinge lingered in my mouth. The motherfucker had drawn blood. Anger boiled deep inside me. He would never fucking change.

“Goddamn it.” My finger dabbed at the cut on my lower lip. My cheeks burned, but by now I was used to the pain. It was sad to believe that it didn't hurt as bad as it once did, but if you became their punching bag, eventually you became numb to the pain.

I was pathetic.

“Get out,” I whispered under my breath.

“You can't tell me what to do. This isn't your home. Remember, you ran to my brother for safety.” His eyes locked with mine.

I’d never confronted him before. For years I took his abuse and ran away crying until he eventually apologized. But enough was enough.

“I swear to fucking God, Julian, get out.”

He scoffed. “Or what?”

“I'll fucking scream. I’ll scream bloody murder, and everyone will know what you do to your wife!”

He huffed. “Fine. I need pussy anyway. You're a lousy lay.”

I held my head high, straightened my shoulders, and not until I heard the door slam behind me did I crumple and cry.

How much longer could I continue to live like this?

Nate

The house was empty Sunday afternoon. After a round of golf with a few coworkers, I came home to find a note on the dining room table.

Having lunch with my mom and Caleb. Will be home soon. D

Though Delaney's father never cared for what I did to his daughter, her mother had reached out a few years back and rekindled their relationship. I guessed the grudge she was holding for her only daughter began to eat away at her.

Delaney and I never asked her parents for a single cent. I remembered when she called her mother to tell her about the baby, and Caroline insisted that she'd wire the money to take care of the situation. But there was no way in hell I would let that happen. I made a promise to Delaney that I’d take care of her, and shortly after we found out about her pregnancy, I made an honest woman of her—even though my heart belonged to someone else.

I tossed the note in the trash and pulled the refrigerator door opened. Starved, I made a sandwich and turned the kitchen TV on to ESPN. I was mid-bite when I spotted Brielle's car rolling up the driveway. She looked gorgeous in her yellow diner outfit. Her hair was tossed up over her head, and a pencil held it all together. She parked the sedan and trudged toward the apartment. There were nights I hoped we’d bump into each other alone. I wanted to hold her. Tell her that I still, despite everything, loved her, but she didn’t even glance in the direction of my house. Her head hung low, and with a few short strides, she was gone.

Shaking my head, I turned back to the television. A few minutes passed and I got lost in the commentary of the upcoming NBA championship game. Then I noticed Julian out the window. His fists were balled at his sides, his eyebrows pinched together. He stomped over to their car and tried unsuccessfully to yank the door open.

“Fuck!” He cursed as he slammed his palm on the hood. His mouth moved, and I knew he was saying a few more choice words. He glanced back at the apartment and then stalked down the driveway. Clearly, he was pissed.

I should have stayed put, but Brielle had driven all the way here for help with Julian, so when she didn’t come after him, I decided to go see her.

First I paced the kitchen debating what to say, but after I cleaned up my lunch, I knew there wasn’t any other option but to see how she was. I took the steps two at a time. Leaning my ear to the door, I listened for any movement before I knocked. A few seconds passed before the door handle turned and she opened the door.

“Hey—

The smile I had plastered on my face to greet her vanished when I looked at her face. Not only was she crying, but her cheek was bruised and a small cut split her lower lip.

A nervous hand rushed to her face. “It’s nothing.”

“Don’t make excuses for him.” I walked through the door and framed her face. Anger, regret and pain coursed through my body. “How long has this been going on?”

Brielle closed her eyes as her head shook slowly.

“Answer me.”

Her voice was hoarse. “A few years.”

Years?

Fucking years?

He’d been hitting her for years.

My breath came out in spurts as I tried to calm myself. Clearing my throat, I counted back from ten before I opened my mouth to speak. But when I did, my thoughts were halted by Julian’s voice outside. Infused with rage, I shook my head at Brielle and headed down the stairs.

When I was a kid, I fought Julian’s fights because he was a scrawny kid. I protected him from bullies. But never did I imagine that he’d become the bully.

“What are you doing?” I heard Brielle’s frantic voice directly behind me. “Confronting him.”

“Nate, don’t. Please!”

Shocked, I turned to face her. She stood a few inches above me, and I could look her square in the eyes. “He’s hitting you, and you want me to stop?”

Brielle hesitated a moment before she answered. “It’s complicated. He’s drunk.”

“Fuck this.” I ignored her request and jetted down the remainder of the stairs.

Julian was outside, his hand lodged on the car door as he tried to pry it open.

“Julian,” I called out to him. He spun around and stumbled. From the corner of my eye, I spotted Delaney’s car pull in the driveway.

Julian’s gaze left mine and looked behind me to Brielle. “Well, look who it is. My wife, the lousiest pussy I’ve ever had. I left everything for you, you cock tease! For months, I was your sick puppy. You dangled your vagina in front of me like it was filet mignon. In reality, you’re nothing more than chuck meat.”

My hand drew back, and with one swift motion, my fist collided with Julian’s jaw. “You want to hit someone, you pick on someone your own size,” I growled.

His body fell to the ground, but he pushed himself back up and darted in my direction. His arms went around my waist, and he slammed me to the ground.

“No!” I heard Brielle crying as the air was shoved out of my lungs.

“Stop it!” Delaney cried, but Julian and I continued to wrestle. I took a few punches to my ribs, but I returned them with a few body shots. “Goddamn it, Nate, your son is watching!” Delaney’s voice screeched.

I wanted to defend Brielle, but I didn’t want Caleb to see such rage in his father. Shoving Julian off my body, I stood. Without another word, I marched toward my house and didn’t look back. I couldn’t. I was too afraid that if I didn’t walk away when I did, I might have killed him for laying his hands on her.

I slammed the sliding door shut. “Fuck!”

It was my fault.

It was my fault she was with him.

CHAPTER 27

BRIELLE

JULIAN SLEPT on the couch after his argument with Nate. Delaney asked me what was going on, but when she saw my face, she knew. She had a few choice words for Julian, who told her to fuck off before he took off down the street. Once he was out of sight, she asked if I wanted to take a ride with her and Caleb to get ice cream. I apologized for Julian and told her I was too exhausted to move. Once I was upstairs, I rushed to my phone and sent Nate a text message. I’d had the same number for ten years, and he was still stored in there as Nicole.

Me: Thank you.

It was the only thing I could say.

He didn’t respond. I was positive his number was still the same, as I’d compared it to Julian’s phone many times in the past. It wasn’t until the following day I heard from him.

I woke up to a painfully bruised cheek. Well, a re-bruised cheek as the purple and blue marks from the previous blow were only beginning to fade away. Julian snored peacefully on the couch while I got ready for work.

It had rained most of the morning and gray skies lingered above. My mood worsened when I screwed up a regular’s order. Bart had been coming to the diner for lunch for the past fifteen years. Every Monday he ordered the meatloaf special, but my mind was lost in the fight between Julian and Nate and I switched his order with someone else’s.

Most southern men were polite. Bart wasn’t.

“How stupid do you have to be?” He shoved his plate in front of him. “For fifteen years I’ve been coming to this damn joint.”

I’m so very sorry.” I reached for the plate. “I’ll get your meatloaf right out.”

“I’ve been waiting for the past twenty minutes. Do you think it will be right out? Do you? How stupid are you?”

I bowed my head, embarrassed that most of the other customers were staring in my direction. “I’m very sorry, sir.” I cleared my throat. “Your lunch will be on me.” I hoped that offered him some solace.

“I don’t understand.” He pushed off the chair and stood. “I’ve been ordering the same thing since God knows when. Your job is so mindless an imbecile could do it.”

Tears began to drip out of my eyes. I had nothing left in me to fight anyone else.

“Enough!” Nate’s voice was stern and loud behind me. “She’s apologized, sir, and it was an accident. Now either wait the twenty minutes for a new one or get out.”

The diner was silent. All eyes were on us. Bart muttered a few more words before he sat back down.

“Are you okay?” Nate asked.

I shook my head and ran toward the back exit. Star Diner backed up to a small stream and wooded area. It was the place most employees used for a quick break.

I’d wanted something different when I came here. A chance for Julian to get the help he needed. I wanted to be happy. Instead, I was screwing everything up. And Nate always seemed to come to my rescue, which only made it more painful. Kneeling on the grass, I let a soft sob escape me. Black drops appeared on my skirt from my mascara. I scooped a bit of water from the stream and ran my fingers under my eyes. I heard footsteps approaching.

“Are you okay?” Nate asked

I cleared my throat before I answered. “Yes.”

He sat beside me. He didn’t seem to care that the grass would ruin his navy suit. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not really.” I shook my head.

“Brielle.” He said my name softly.

“Nathaniel,” I retorted.

We sat in silence for a few minutes.

“You seem different.”

Shaking my head, I disagreed with him. “I'm not different. I'm the same person I've always been.”

“How can you love him?” His voice was low. “How can you love a man who puts his hands on you?”

I bowed my head and closed my eyes. I had so much to say, but it wasn’t the time. That’s how things worked between Nate and me. We were never in the same time zone. “He wasn't always this bad.” My voice was barely a whisper but I knew he heard me. “I fell in love with Julian when he was there to pick up the fragmented parts of my heart that you left behind. You destroyed me.”

Nate hissed under his breath. The truth hurt us both.

“The relationship I have with him is unconventional, and it's not healthy in any sense of the word. But when I needed him the most, when I needed someone to hold me up, someone to anchor me, he was there to pick up the pieces.” I shook my head and looked over at him as anger began to sink in. “So, the way I love him, and the reason I stay, is none of your concern.”

“Brielle . . .” Nate reached out his hand and tried to console me.

“No!” I swatted his hand away and stood. “You don't get to be the hero in my life anymore.” Nate rose and met my stance. Angrily, I wiped the tears from my eyes. I needed to stay mad at him. If not, everything would crumble because I was only holding on by a thin thread.

“I came here because I need help getting your brother the help he needs. I'm not here as your charity case. I don't need you to defend me. So take your pitiful eyes and look at someone else because I'm fine. Julian and I are fine.”

I couldn't let him know the truth. That I was stuck in a loveless marriage. That when I needed him the most, Julian was the one person I could rely on, and that was a debt I could never repay.

That’s why I stayed.

“That’s no way to live,” Nate whispered.

“I stopped living ten years ago.” I moved around him.

Nate’s hand gripped my elbow. “Wait.” He turned me back toward him. His free hand gently ran across my bruised cheek. I looked deep into his eyes and, for the first time in ten years, I let myself feel.

“You’ve never been a charity case.” His voice was low and husky. “You have been, and will always be, the woman I love.”

I shook my head. We were dancing around a line that we were forbidden to cross. “I don’t think your wife would like that very much.” I reminded us both of the parties involved. “I have to get going.” I tugged my arm free.

Without another word, I turned and ran inside the diner to collect my things. My heart raced a million miles a minute, but I couldn’t let my feelings cloud my judgment. Nate was married, he had a family, and I had Julian.

I clocked out an hour early from work. The lunch rush had passed, and there was plenty of staff to cover. Fran understood that Bart’s yelling had taken a toll on me and she allowed me to go home.

Nate's car was nowhere in sight when I walked out of the diner. I didn’t want to go home and see him or Julian, so I took a detour and drove for an hour before I pulled into Norman State Park. Not much had changed since the last time I was there. A few new signs with the park information, the bushes were trimmed, and some trees were bigger than the last time. I parked my car in the usual spot and went to sit by the lake.

The grass was green, the trees were in full bloom, and a breeze blew in off the lake. It was a peaceful afternoon, but my mind ran all over the place. How did I let my life get this crazy? How, after so many years, could I still love Nate?

I was tired of crying. Tired of being the victim. I was exhausted.

Drained.

The person I was ten years ago would look at me and laugh. I always swore I never wanted to be like my mother. That I would let no man control me.

I dug into my purse and pulled out my phone. I needed Yve to make me laugh. The phone rang twice before she answered.

“Good morning, sugar tits.” Her voice echoed through the small speaker on my phone.

I sighed and lay back on the grass. The warm sun made my skin tingle. “Hey, Yve.”

“Aw, shit. What happened?”

“Nothing.” I tried to sound cheerful but failed miserably.

“Brielle, I know when you're full of shit. So, you can tell me what's going on, or I can get on a plane and go kick some major fucking southern ass.”

I chuckled. Speaking to Yve was better than any therapist. “I don't know where to start.”

“Did you sleep with Nate?”

“No!”

“Are you debating whether you should sleep with Nate?”

“No.” I paused. The thought had crossed my mind, but I was still very angry with him. “I’m ignoring Nate.”

“Then, what?”

I filled my lungs and blurted out everything. “Julian backhanded me, Nate found me crying and knocked out Julian, and Delaney saw her husband defend me.”

“Oh, babe . . .”

“Then today a customer yelled at me, and Nate defended me again, and I feel as though nothing is going the way it’s supposed to.”

“Okay. First, when are you going to leave the fucking asshole? You know he doesn’t deserve you. And of course Nate is going to defend you. Anyone who sees what Julian is doing to you will come to your rescue. You know you deserve more, babe.”

“Sometimes I don’t even know who I am anymore.”

“You need to fight back. You went there so things could get better. And if you’re going to live thousands of miles away from me, I want you to be happy.”

“You’re right.” I sighed.

“Damn skippy, I’m right.”

“I love you, Yve.”

“I know, because I’m freaking awesome.”

I laughed. “Enough about me. What’s going on with you?”

She grunted. “Nothing. I was on the brink of an orgasm when you called.”

My hand slapped across my forehead. “What . . . Are you . . . Are you having sex right now?”

“Sure am.” I heard the unmistakable slap of a palm across flesh. “Steve here was just listening to my religious prayers.”

“Oh, God.”

“That’s what I said.”

“I’m letting you go.” I hung up the phone. Who the hell was Steve, and what happened to Ryan?

A few minutes had passed and my gaze was focused on the white fluffy clouds above when light footfalls ran past me.

“Hey, Aunt Brie!” Caleb shouted as he zipped past me with a fishing pole in his hand. I pushed off the sand and rested on my elbows.

“I figured I’d find you here.” Nate appeared behind me. I sighed dramatically. “It’s nice to see you, too.”

“I want to be alone.” I shook my head and lay back down. “And you’re the last person I want to see.”

“Wow. I didn’t know I’d be worse than Julian.” I opened an eye and found that Nate was sitting right behind me. “I figured your husband would be the last person you’d want to see.”

“Nate, I’m tired. I don’t want to talk about Julian.”

“But you avoid me like the plague, and I want to talk about him.”

I huffed and sat up. His eyes were on Caleb, who was two hundred yards away. “I’ll give you five questions. Go.”

“Do you hate me?” From the corner of my eye, I saw his head turn in my direction.

My gaze was on Caleb, but I could feel Nate watching me. Inhaling, I looked over at him. “I thought you wanted to talk about your brother?”

“Well, it’s my fault. I sent him after you when—”

“When you were too much of a coward to call me?” I cocked one eyebrow at him.

“I was going to go—”

I shook my head and lifted a hand to stop him. “Seriously, I don’t need to hear it.”

“I think you do.”

“You picked her, and you didn’t even have the decency to call or tell me.”

Nate shifted so he faced me. “I was packed, and my boarding pass was printing when I found Delaneysitting on my steps.” His eyes scanned mine. “She told me she was pregnant. What was I supposed to do? I couldn’t abandon a child. Not when everyone who was supposed to love me had left me.”

I felt my lower lip quiver. Tears threatened to fall, but I kept them at bay. “I knew you’d never leave once she told you.” I wanted to tell him that in my heart I knew Caleb wasn’t his, but I couldn’t form the words. Not when it was written all over his face how much he loved that boy. “I understand, but I still hate you.”

He looked out toward Caleb, then back at me. “Why?”

I shook my head. “It’s easier to hate you than admit that I’m still in love with you.” The last three words came out as a whisper. Nate held my gaze, and I desperately wanted to be held in his arms.

“Dad!” Caleb’s voice pulled me out of my trance. He was running toward us, his hand pointed to where a gentleman and younger boy were approaching.

“Delaney said you took Caleb fishing,” the man said in a southern accent. Nate stood and shook his hand as they exchanged pleasantries.

“This is Brielle, my . . .” He paused for a second. “Sister-in-law, Julian’s wife.”

The man smiled at me. “Oh, right.” He extended his hand. “Bill Thompson, and this is Bentley.” I shook Bill’s hand and smiled at the young boy. “Bentley here nagged me about spending the afternoon with Caleb, and when Delaney said you guys went fishing, I figured I could take them out on the boat for a few.”

“Can I, Dad?” Caleb looked up at Nate with hopeful eyes.

“Sure thing.”

Nate and Bill exchanged a few words about where Nate would wait for them before they said their good-byes. Then they drove off and headed toward the dock. When the car was out of sight, Nate looked over at me.

“How bad has he hit you?”

“That’s irrelevant.”

His voice grew with anger. “He’s three times your size, Brielle, and from what I’ve been told about his interviews, Julian is demanding.”

“And he loves me.” I don’t know why I was ashamed or why I needed to explain myself. “It’s nothing serious. Only when he’s really mad. He feels horrible about it.”

Nate cursed under his breath. “Have you ever thought about filing a restraining order?”

“No.” I shook my head. “I’ve seen the sweet Julian, who has left everything behind to help me. We’re going through something, and we will come out stronger. I know that.” I desperately needed to believe that.

“When did it get this bad?”

“When he started working for Dennis. He gave Julian all this power which also came with a heavy price tag.”

Nate kept his head lowered and his hand wrapped around his knee. “Is this the life you want?”

“I said five questions. That’s six.”

“No, that’s number five.”

“No, you asked why.”

Nate chuckled. It seemed odd at the moment when the topic of our conversation was depressing. “You’re still a smart aleck, huh?”

I smiled. ‘That’s another question.”

“Come on.” Nate released his knees and turned his upper body toward me. “Is this the life you want?”

I sighed and thought about the question. Shaking my head, I giggled. “I want the life where we run into the sunset together,” I said sarcastically. “Where you slip on the glass slipper and it fits. I want to be swept away every time I get kissed, causing me to kick my feet up with joy.”

A grin grew on Nate’s face. He looked delectable. “That can happen.”

I scoffed. “That only happens in movies. There’s no such thing as a happily-ever-after.”

“You don't believe in it?” His eyebrows furrowed.

I shook my head. “I think it's a crock of shit. I think it's happy while you're together, but once the happiness begins to fade, it’s all downhill.” Nate looked at me with his brow furrowed. I struggled to make him understand.

“Do you think Cinderella and Prince Charming lived happily forever? Or do you think perhaps ten years into their marriage he began to hit her? Did you ever consider that she was so afraid of him she refused to have his child because it would bind them together forever and she would never escape him?” Nate’s mouth opened but no sound came out. “Do you think the fear of never getting away consumed her so she hid birth control from him, but when he found it, he was so infuriated he fractured her jaw?”

I shook my head, and my tears began to fall. “I don’t believe in happily-ever-after. I believe that two people should stay together while they are happy, but once that disappears and you’re still whole, you should pack your shit and leave.” It’s what I believed, but not what I lived.

Nate’s hand wrapped around a strand of my hair. “Brielle, that is no way to live.”

“I don’t have the strength anymore.” We stared into each other’s eyes for a few more seconds. “I've made a complete fool of myself. I should go.” I pushed off the sand and stood.

Before I was able to take a second step, Nate's hand grasped mine and held me in place. “I'm going to kiss you,” he muttered. “I'm going to kiss you the way you deserve to be kissed. You'll be able to feel it. You’re not spineless, nor are you broken. You’re the strongest woman I know.” He pulled me into his arms and I went willingly. His nose ran up my cheek and a soft whimper escaped my lips.

“Don’t,” I whispered softly.

But Nate ignored my request. His lips kissed half of mine. One small half kiss was placed on one side, then the other. My breath was shaky, and I grew dizzy. The anticipation was too much to bear.

“Ten years I’ve waited to do this,” he said in a low husky voice.

I opened my mouth to respond, but Nate swept in and planted his lips flush on mine. It was soft at first, his lips playing against mine. But we both grew hungry, and in the blink of an eye, a spark that refused to die became a burning fire. I opened my mouth for him, and his tongue swooped inside. Nate’s hands ran up my body and gripped the nape of my neck. It was gentle, yet firm. Tender, yet desperate. It was everything I’d craved in the last ten years.

My hands pressed against his chest, and his heart raced under his T-shirt. I deepened the kiss and ran my hands through his hair. Nate kissed my lips, my cheek, my neck. Neither of us could get enough of the other.

It was the way it had always been between us.

We both needed more.

I felt everything from one simple kiss. I felt alive. Parts of me that Julian had destroyed were coming back. I wasn’t spineless, and I refused to be beaten down.

When Nate pulled away, we were panting. I wanted more, but we couldn’t. I shook my head.

“Don’t,” he said. “Don’t run away now.”

“We can’t do this.”

“Ten years ago I had a choice to make, you or her. You begged me to choose you and I didn’t. For ten years I’ve lived with the wrong choice.” Nate framed my cheeks. “I let you get away once, Brie. I won’t do it again. I’ll fight whoever I have to, but if I’m who you want to run into the sunset with, I’m in. All in.”

I bowed my head and pressed it to his lips. “You have a family, Nate,” I cried. “This isn’t college.”

“No,” he spoke softly against my skin. “This is about making our own happily-ever-after.”

I pulled back from his arms. “I need to go.”

“Okay. I’ll let you go, but only because this is what you do. You need to think things through before you make your decision. But know that I’m not changing mine.”

I nodded, and he kissed me one last time before I turned around and walked away. When I reached my car, I was finally able to breathe. Nate was offering me everything I wanted, but there were other parties involved this time.

Primarily, a child.

CHAPTER 28

NATHANIEL

ONE KISS CHANGED IT ALL.

I let her slip from my hands once before. I’d be a fool to let that happen again.

It took one touch for me to spiral back in love with her. Back to a love that had never disappeared. It was as though my heart had hit the pause button on me and Brielle. She was back in my life and I couldn’t stay away. I’d tried, but my heart pulled for her.

I needed everything from her. Her love. Her smiles. Her laughter. Her genuine kindness for Caleb. I needed to protect her.

For the past ten years I protected her from afar. I figured it was best. Fate had dealt us a crappy hand and kept us apart so I stayed away from her and hoped Julian provided the happiness she deserved. I was wrong. I was dead fucking wrong. She was miserable, and I felt I was to blame. The life she lived wasn’t a life. She was in constant fear of the man who vowed to protect her.

It was now my turn to not let her run. I vowed I’d be the man she needed me to be.

My decision was made. I couldn’t force her to leave Julian, though, not when she was so hurt by him. She would have to make that decision on her own. But my mind was made up. For the past ten years I lived the life I’d always wanted, but with the wrong person. Delaney wasn’t the woman I loved.

I couldn’t stay in a marriage that was failing. I couldn’t pretend to love her anymore. Neither of us was perfect, but over the years our differences had become battlegrounds. Her patience with Caleb was thin. She wanted to be involved in society clubs and I preferred to be home with Caleb.

We’d grown apart. I’d stayed with her because of Caleb, ten years too many. Now it was time to live for what I wanted. And I wanted Brielle. It was that simple.

PART III

BRIELLE

I didn’t know how or when the affair began. But it was torrid and ugly. I hurt everyone I’d ever loved. I became the worst version of myself, but never felt more alive.

I lied. I cheated.

I savored being with Nate.

Julian was the reason I died inside.

Nate was the reason I had a pulse.

I had no fucks left to give. No guilt left to feel.

Julian was an abuser. He didn’t deserve me.

Nate was the man I loved. I didn’t deserve him.

But I didn’t care because I was lost in the fake reality he and I built.

I was destined to fuck up everyone’s life.

CHAPTER 29

BRIELLE

AFTER MY ENCOUNTER WITH NATE, I needed a moment to gather my thoughts so the first thing I did was give Julian a piece of my mind. When I arrived home, he was on the couch watching television. I marched right up to him, grabbed the remote off the coffee table, and shut it off.

“Hey, babe.” He smiled up at me. He still wore his sweet facade masking his true demons.

“Here's the deal.” I stood tall and forced my gaze to lock on his. “You lay a finger on me again and I will call the police. I will file domestic abuse charges against you.” I hoped my voice was stern. I was petrified to confront him, but I couldn’t be his victim anymore.

“Brielle.” He lifted his hand to mine.

“No.” I took a step back. “I have given you everything, Julian, and I'm thankful for all you’ve done for me, but enough is enough. You touch me again and I will call the cops.”

His eyes softened. “Baby, I'm sorry.” He rose from the couch and kneeled in front of me. “I don't know what happens to me. Why I get so angry. It's the alcohol that makes me crazy. I was stressed, and I'm sorry.”

I swallowed. I needed to stay strong. “I'm tired of the I'm sorrys.”

“I know, Brie, but I found a job, and I promise I'll ease up on the drinking.” He was trying to reassure me, but I had done this dance before.

“No.” I filled my lungs with air. “You need help.”

“I thought that was why we were here. Nate will help me.”

“I think what you need is beyond Nate's capacity.”

“What are you trying to say?”

“I think you need to go to AA.”

Julian sat back on his heels. His shoulders slouched, and he exhaled dramatically. “Fine.”

I dropped down on the floor next to him. “Thank you.”

It started with a smirk.

For three weeks I avoided Nathaniel. Julian was busy with work, I signed up for doubles at the diner, and from what Julian said over dinner one night, Nate was up to his ears with blueprints for new condos downtown.

We were on different schedules, and it was working. I ignored the fact I wanted his lips on me again. I shut down any hope of us being together. The fire would eventually put itself out.

He had a wife and a kid.

I had a husband.

He was my brother-in-law.

It was wrong.

It was so wrong.

But it felt too fucking good.

Since Julian was working, I saved up some of my tips and invested in a bicycle I found at a flea market as my means of transportation to and from work.

I arrived home in the early afternoon to find Nate’s car parked in the driveway. Hopping off my bike, I walked it toward the far side of the garage to where I stored it. Along the way, I noticed the hose running from the side of the house toward the backyard.

“Please don’t be alone, please don’t be alone,” I whispered to myself.

No such luck. Nate stood—alone—over a flowerbed as water sprayed on the soil.

“Hey,” he greeted me.

“Hi.” I smiled, my hands white knuckling the handlebars. Whenever I was around him, it seemed impossible to breathe. “You’re home early,” I stated as I parked my bike.

“Today was Caleb’s last day of school.” He released the nozzle and the water stopped.

“Oh.” I shifted my weight from one heel to the other.

“They’re at lunch with Del’s parents.”

“You didn’t go?” It seemed odd that he wouldn’t be there.

“I never do. I’m not their cup of tea.”

I chuckled. “I see.”

In order to get to the door of the garage, I had to pass near him. It was a simple thing to do. Or at least, it should have been. But walking that close to him was like strolling through a burning building and hoping you didn’t get licked by the flames.

Nate didn’t move. Our arms brushed as I passed him. It warmed my skin. Ignited my need. With shaky legs, I stepped forward. I was two strides away when his fingers curled around my upper arm. I gasped.

He pulled me toward him and I went willingly. My mouth crashed onto his, and we both moaned in ecstasy. He reached down and wrapped my legs around his torso. My lips were hungry for his as my hands tangled through his hair.

His growing erection pressed against my core as he walked inside the garage. The cool cement wall slammed against my back, and his hand cupped my behind as his mouth attacked my neck in the most pleasurable way. Nate moved his mouth from my neck and yanked on my blouse, exposing a breast. His lips kissed along the soft skin before he sucked on my nipple.

Tossing my head back, I moaned. “Oh, God.” He bit down on the tender skin, and I felt my panties grow wet with desire. Sex with my husband had never felt like this. It was plain and to the point. There was no fire. No desperation.

But Nate and I were lost in each other. Oblivious to the outside world. Trapped in a bubble that didn’t exist. Until a car drove down the street, and we both froze. “We can’t,” I gasped, my breast still exposed. “This is wrong.” I pushed off him and lowered my legs to the floor.

“I’m sorry,” he muttered.

Without a word, I fixed my top and walked toward my apartment. As I climbed the steps, I knew I needed a long shower to alleviate the ache between my legs.

I swore it was a one-time thing. An accident. We were alone, and as long as we were around other people, we would be on our best behavior.

That was yet another lie.

The following Sunday, Delaney decided to cook a big supper with all the fixings. Nate and Julian minded the grill while I helped her in the kitchen. Julian and I were on better terms. He’d apologized for his actions, and after a few nights on the couch he and I were speaking again. Delaney was carrying out a bowl of pasta salad when Nate walked through the kitchen door.

“Make sure you shut the door,” she said over her shoulder. “I don’t want flies in the house.”

Julian rushed to help her, and I ignored the fact Nate and I were alone in the kitchen as I stood over the sink washing dishes. From the corner of my eye, I saw him walk slowly through the room. His hand grazed my back as he passed me and my breath caught in my throat. The pan slipped from my hand.

“Shit!”

“Everything okay?” he asked and opened the fridge.

“You can’t do that,” I barked and looked over at him.

“Do what?” He had a boyish grin on his face.

“You know exactly what you did.”

Nate didn’t speak. Instead, his eyes softened, the grin disappeared from his face, and I was greeted with the most delectable fuck me smile. His tongue ran across his lips.

“Don’t look at me like that.”

“Like what?”

He closed the fridge door behind him. I didn’t answer him. I couldn’t.

“Like I want to taste you,” he whispered as he walked by. Goosebumps exploded all over my body. Nate stopped at the sliding door and tugged it open just as Julian made his way into the kitchen.

“If I remember correctly, it’s very sweet,” Nate said.

My cheeks burned.

“What’s sweet?” Julian asked.

Frantic, I shoved my hands into the dishwater and cut myself on a knife. “Fuck!” I jerked my hand out and rinsed off my finger. Luckily, Julian was more concerned with my little cut than Nate’s comment.

I should have put a stop to it all.

I should have packed my bags and run.

But something kept me there.

Maybe it was my vow to stay by Julian through good times and bad. Or maybe it was that somewhere deep down I knew I could never stay away from Nate, no mattered how hard I tried. The love I felt for him was all consuming—and ugly. It never died. It couldn’t. Ten years later we were still the same two people, desperate to be near each other. Our love knew no limits. It didn’t care how many people we hurt, or how badly we hurt each other.

The few seconds we spent together healed years of pain.

There were stolen moments.

Soft, forbidden touches.

Glances that made my heart speed in my chest.

I savored every second.

I felt when his eyes were on me. When he scanned my body from across the room.

Slowly, I began to dress for him: nicer shirts and shorter shorts. A little more blush on my cheeks. I spent more time in the morning making sure my hair was exactly how I wanted it.

It was all for him.

I insinuated my feelings toward him, but I never acted on them. After our passionate kiss in the garage, I kept my distance. My heart was still torn on what I should do. I reminded myself it was for my own good. It was the right thing to do. As if after everything we had been through, I suddenly developed a moral compass.

Julian was getting the help he needed, and that weight was lifted off my shoulders. But I couldn’t leave him now.

For better or for worse.

In sickness and in health.

‘Til death do us part.

It was late one night when I arrived home from the diner to find Delaney out on the deck. She had her feet up, her Kindle on her lap, and a glass of red wine in her hand.

“Hey, D.” I smiled as I passed her.

“You're just now getting home?” I nodded. “Come, have a drink with me.” I didn’t see the harm in that since she was alone.

Two glasses later, we were in a deep conversation about life and how much difference ten years made. We reminisced about our college years and so on. Eventually, Julian came and sat next to me. He had been sober three weeks and proudly carried around his sobriety chip.

He kissed me on the cheek and joined the conversation. Delaney was telling us about Caleb’s summer camp when my phone buzzed on the table. I slid my finger across the screen and was greeted with a text message.

Nicole: I want you for me.

I brought my phone closer to my chest and responded.

Me: That sounds like a personal problem.

Nicole: You look beautiful.

I glanced up and looked around. The kitchen was empty. My glare moved to his office where I spotted him on his chair. He smiled, and my phone buzzed.

Nicole: Hi.

I shoved my phone in my pocket and pushed off the chair. “I'm going to head in,” I stated. “I have an early day tomorrow.”

“Goodnight,” Delaney said.

“I'll be right in.” Julian grabbed my hand and brought it to his lips. He then looked over at Delaney and began telling her he had attended the same camp Caleb was at when he was a kid. I was halfway up the steps when I pulled out my phone.

Me: Hi

Nicole: I can't stop thinking about you.

Me: I know what you mean.

Nicole: You’re not going to tell me to stop?

Me: I can’t fight it anymore.

A few seconds passed before the three little dots appeared on my screen.

Nicole: Leave him.

Me: I can’t.

I waited for Nate to respond, but when he didn’t, I sent him a message.

Me: Leave her.

Nicole: Tell me when.

Me: What are we doing?

Nicole: I don’t know. It feels too perfect to stop.

I stared at his message. It was perfect.

My phone buzzed with a new statement.

Nicole: You're avoiding me.

Me: You know why.

Nicole: Tell me you don't want this, and I'll leave you alone.

Me: This is wrong.

Nicole: But it feels right.

Me: We can’t keep doing this.

Nicole: What? Texting?

Me: Ass! I don't want to be your dirty mistress.

Nicole: I want to be with you.

Me: You know that's not possible.

Nicole: Why?

Me: Julian. Delaney. Caleb.

Nicole: So we should be miserable because of them? My life is like the people in a picture frame at a store. The people look happy, their life seems perfect. But I was a stranger in it all. I love my son, and that will never change, but whether I’m with you or her, he will still be my son.

Me: No, we can't be together. I’m not some random girl you fell in love with. I was her roommate in college, her best friend. And let’s not forget that I married your brother. Every which way we look at this, it’s wrong.

Nicole: But I need you.

Me: I know. Me too. But we can’t.

Nicole: Just one taste.

Me: Stop.

Nicole: I still remember what your body feels like. I could never forget.

Me: Stop talking like that.

Nicole: Tell me you forgot about me and I'll stop.

I exhaled the visions that bombarded my mind.

Me: Your office is red.

Nicole: If it were up to me, I'd paint the whole damn house red. Everything reminds me of you, but the red on the wall reminds me of a night I could never forget It’s a constant reminder of everything I lost.

I sighed. My heart ached in my chest as I remembered a time where it was only the two of us breaking into a school to paint a Christmas tree on a wall.

Me: I should go. I have an early day tomorrow.

Nicole: Tell me.

Me: What?

Nicole: That you still love me.

Me: You know I never stopped.

Nicole: Me either.

Me: Maybe in a different lifetime.

Nicole:  Maybe.

Maybe in a different universe, Nate and I could be happily married. Maybe then we could have had our happily ever after.

CHAPTER 30

NATHANIEL

She was living only a few feet away yet I couldn’t have her. Not the way I wanted. Most of the time I felt I was in front of a candy store and the doors were locked. I spent hours in my office looking up into her bedroom hoping to get a glimpse of her. Even a smile was enough.

Our text messages continued back and forth, and my phone was glued to me at all times. It got to the point that Delaney brought it to my attention.

“Are you going to put that thing down?” Delaney said from across the room. We were in the living room watching a movie with Caleb late Friday night.

“Huh?” I said and placed the phone on the coffee table. Face down.

“You’re always on that thing. It’s literally glued to your hand.” Delaney stood and walked over to the bar. She uncorked a bottle of wine and poured herself a glass. My gaze was on her. She had already polished off one bottle during dinner.

“Are you . . .” Words failed me. There had to be a way to ask her if she was planning to drink another entire bottle.

“Don’t.” she barked from across the room.

“I didn’t say anything.” I lifted my hands in defeat.

“Your eyes say it all, Nate. It’s been a hellish week at work. I need a drink.” Delaney brought the glass to her lips and sipped the Merlot.

“How’s work going?”

“Why do you care?”

“Because you’ve been drinking almost every day. If work is bad maybe you should sell the boutique.”

“First.” She placed her glass on a side table. “I’m not drinking every day. I usually have a few glasses throughout the week and that’s to unwind. Second, I’m doing something I love. I’m not one to sit home and be your desperate housewife who waits for you to come home.”

“Whoa.” I held my hand up to stop her. “I’m concerned. That’s all.”

“Yeah, sure you are.”

“What’s with the backhanded comments?”

Delaney sighed, her facial features softened, and she sat back on the couch. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s gotten into me lately. I think I just need a vacation.” She shifted on the couch and sat on her foot. “Do you think maybe you can take some time off? We can get away.” She looked over at Caleb who had tuned us out, and then back over at me. “Just the two of us.”

“Sure.” I nodded.

This was where things always seemed to be complicated. I was in love with my brother’s wife, who also happened to once be best friends with my wife. Any man would love a child-free vacation that consisted of sex whenever the mood arose. But going away with Delaney meant a week away from Brielle.

Brielle said we should keep our lives the same. She didn’t want me to change the way I was with Delaney. There was only one way to solve this problem.

I’d be inviting Julian and Brielle on vacation with us.

The following morning, I strolled the long hallway of City Hall until I found Julian’s office. I worked on the opposite side of the building with the town’s Architectural Department; Julian worked for the Department of Social Services.

Tapping on the door, I waited for him to invite me in. “Hey.” I said when he didn’t look my way.

“Oh, Nate,” he said. I stepped further in and sat on the leather chair opposite his desk. “What brings you to this side.”

My eyes scanned the surface of his desk. A dollar bill was rolled up near his hand. “I . . . uh.” I couldn’t pull my gaze from the narrow tube he’d fashioned from the money. He caught my gaze and dragged it inside a drawer. “I wanted to ask what your plans were for the beginning of the year?”

Julian wiped the tip of his nose with the back of his hand. “I have no idea what I’ll be doing in six months. Why?”

It was then I paused and took note of my brother. His pupils were dilated, and his tongue ran over his teeth. His fingertips tapped over the papers on his desk. He was jittery. I’d seen this behavior before. Gerald, one of my very first foster parents, carried a rolled up dollar bill with him when he was blowing coke.

I nodded, leaned forward so my elbows were on my knees. “Delaney wants to go away. I figured I’d invite you and Brielle.”

“Yeah, sure. I don’t see why not.”

I waited a few seconds, gauging his movements. “Is everything okay with you?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

“You sure? Nothing you want to talk to me about?”

“I’m good, Nate. Not everything I do needs to be run by you.”

I stood. There was no need to push it. I knew without a doubt that Julian was using drugs. He had merely replaced one addiction with another.

“I’ll see you later,” I said and walked out of his office. When I rounded the corner I muttered under my breath, “Fuck.”

How the hell could I tell Brielle that I suspected Julian was using?

The following morning, I was walking out of the house when Brielle was walking out of the garage. She was in her work uniform and carrying a traveler’s mug. She stopped when she noticed me.

“Good morning,” I said with a grin.

“Morning.”

“Have a good day at work.” I pulled open my car door. She smiled and climbed into her car.

Brielle pulled out of the driveway first, and I followed behind her. We were around the corner when I called her.

“Hello.”

Pulling up behind her at a traffic light, I noticed she was staring at me through the rearview mirror.

“Hi.”

“We already went over pleasantries,” she said softly.

“What are you doing for lunch?” The light turned green, and I continued to follow her.

“Eating lunch,” she retorted

“Can I eat lunch with you?”

“Nate . . . I—I don’t think that’s a good idea.” She stopped at another light and I pulled up behind her. “Are you following me?”

“No. Maybe. Yes. I will follow you all the way to work until you agree to meet me for lunch. We’re friends, we can have lunch together.”

She sighed. “Fine. Come to the dinner.”

“No.” She glanced up at the mirror, and I smiled. “I know you. If I go to the diner, you’ll wait on me. That’s not what I’m asking for. I want to have lunch with you.”

“What if someone sees us?”

“See what? Me having lunch with my brother’s wife?” “I won’t touch you.” My tongue ran across my lower lip. “Unless you ask me to.”

“I’m not asking.” She sighed again. “We can meet for lunch.”

For an entire week, I had lunch every day with Brielle. I worked my schedule around hers so I had an hour when it was us. Each day it was a different place. It all seemed to be going well until we ran into someone who knew me.

Brielle and I were at Chick-fil-A when Eric, Caleb’s soccer coach, approached me. “Nathaniel,” he called out.

I turned to face him. “How’s it going? Are you guys ready for next season?”

“Good.” He nodded and glanced over at Brielle.” Yeah, I think the kids have a good shot at the championship next year. How is Caleb doing? And Delaney?”

“Good. Caleb is enjoying the summer. He’ll be off to camp soon. And Delaney is great.” I glanced over at Brielle. Her eyes were wide like a deer caught in headlights. “This is my sister-in-law, Brielle. She just moved here from Chicago.”

“Oh.” Eric’s face softened. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“The pleasure is all mine,” Brielle said shakily.

“I’ll let you two enjoy your lunch,” Eric said before walking away.

“Oh my God,” Brielle said when he was out of sight. Her hands rested flat on the table.

I chuckled. “What are you so scared of?”

“I don’t know. Him, running back and telling Delaney? Julian being the one who walks in and finds us?”

“It’s our word against theirs.” I paused and waited for her to look up at me. “And we’re having lunch.”

Brielle nodded. “Can I ask you something?”

I nodded and took one of her waffle fries.

“Do you ever feel guilty?”

“Do you want the truth?” She nodded. “No. There’s not a single second that I’m with you that I feel guilty. I know what we’re doing is wrong, but I can’t seem to stop this. Trust me, I’ve tried. Do you?”

“I don’t know.” She looked down at her tray. “I feel horrible because she’s my friend. So it’s not like I’m betraying just him.”

“If I was to leave her, would you leave him?”

She snapped her head up at me. “Don’t.”

“Don’t what?”

“It’s not that simple. You have a kid. I’d be breaking my marriage and yours but most of all I would be hurting Caleb. This isn’t college when we’re all only dating. What would your mother think?”

“Brie.” I took her hand in mine. “As long as I’m with you I don’t care what anyone thinks.”

“And your son?”

“Like I said before, he’ll be my son regardless.” I shrugged. “You tell me to leave her and I will. For you, I will.”

Brielle pulled her hand away from mine and covered her face. “I came here to help your brother.”

“Maybe there isn’t anything we can do to help him. Maybe this is the universe giving us another chance.”

She sighed. “Maybe.”

CHAPTER 31

BRIELLE

ON THE FOURTH OF JULY, Delaney insisted on having a barbecue. She invited most of her employees and a couple of Nate's co-workers to the big party. The side dishes were catered, the grill was warming up, and I'd gone upstairs to take a shower. The guests would be arriving shortly, and I wanted to seem presentable when I met Julian's new boss.

Walking past the window in our living room, I spotted Nate in the back yard. He was unfolding chairs for the guests to sit on. I paused a second, admiring his polo shirt and khaki shorts. His hair was slicked back and his Ray-Ban’s dangled from his shirt. He looked up at me and our eyes locked. I heard Julian behind me.

“Whatcha looking at?”

“Nothing.” I spun around and faced him. Julian closed the gap between us with long strides. His hand laced around my back and pulled me toward him. His eyes were filled with desire.

“Brie,” he whispered into my wet hair. “I want some.”

I swallowed. We'd been intimate a few times since being here. I'd never said no to Julian. Before, it was from fear of the backlash, and now it was from fear he'd go back to drinking.

I was the dumping ground for his pent up energy.

“Julian, the party is about to start.” He still had me against the small table that leaned up against the window. His hand lowered and cupped my ass cheek.

“I'll be quick.” His voice was low. “Turn around.”

“Julian,” I protested.

He ignored my request and yanked the towel off my midriff. His fingers dug into my core.

I was dry.

I had no arousal when it came to sex with him.

“I'll be quick, babe.” He lowered his mouth to my bare chest and sucked on my nipple. He was so rough that I whimpered in pain. “Turn around,” he ordered.

“Your brother might see us.” My voice was weak. I didn’t want to say no to him, and I didn’t want Nate to see what we were doing.

“No, he won't.” He spun my hips so my back faced him. My gaze locked with Nate and I gripped the console table. Nate’s eyebrows pinched together, and I shook my head silently, letting him know everything was okay. “And everyone should know how good I fuck my wife.”

My eyes were glued to Nate’s as wet fingers circled my core.

Nate held the chair, and his jaw tightened. Could he see Julian behind me? Did he know what we were doing? Julian pressed his dick to my core, and I whimpered from the pain. Most of the time I let my mind wander, reciting the constitution or painting a city in my head. But I couldn’t do that this time. Not when Nate was looking at me.

It was wrong for him to see this. But worse was that I grew aroused from his gaze. I imagined it was him behind me, and that he was the one driving into me.

Julian continued to grunt. He sped up the thrusts and for the first time in a few years, I enjoyed it. It was only because I knew the arousal was for Nate.

I scanned his face. I imagined his body on mine. His lips caressing my skin. My hands dug into the table as an orgasm began taking over. “I’m sorry,” I mouthed to Nate and closed my eyes. The wood was cool against the skin of my forehead and I moaned in pleasure.

When I looked up, Nate was gone. Instantly, I felt empty.

Julian’s limp body fell over mine, and I knew he had finished. He pulled out and walked to the bathroom. My knees buckled, and I sat on the floor, my mind and heart conflicted.

Why did it feel as though I cheated on Nate with Julian?

Nate avoided me. I felt his anger radiating off his body. He was short with Delaney, and wouldn’t even look at Julian, who of course was oblivious to it all because he was busy schmoozing up to his boss. But I felt his coldness. When he smiled at his guests, it was fake. He kept his head lowered, and any time I tried to approach him, he found an excuse to walk away.

I wanted to hug him. I needed to apologize to the man I was having an affair with that I slept with my husband. That fact made me sick to my stomach.

Later that night, Julian left with his boss to test drive his new Maserati, Caleb had departed for a sleepover, and Delaney had enjoyed one cocktail too many and was passed out on the hammock.

Nate was saying his farewells to a couple while I cleaned up the plates and cups off the tables. I felt him come up behind me before I heard him. I turned and looked at him. He wouldn’t meet my gaze.

“You’re not talking to me now?” I kept my voice low.

“What is there to say?”

My tensed shoulders relaxed when he finally spoke to me. “Are you mad at me?”

“Why should I be?” He brushed past me. “He’s your husband. You can fuck him anytime you want.” He threw a casserole dish with force onto the table, and I jumped. “You can fuck him right on this table if you want.”

“Asshole,” I muttered and turned to walk away.

“Brie, wait.” His voice softened.

Hesitantly, I turned to face him. “I’m sorry.” He closed the gap between us. “I have no right to be mad.” Nate’s hand brushed my cheek. “I hate that he has you, and I don’t.”

“Nate.” I closed my eyes.

“I shouldn’t be jealous, but I am.” He lifted my chin, and I opened my eyes. “Give me some time and I’ll get over what I saw.”

I nodded and swallowed thickly. “I’d feel the same way if you slept with her.”

Nate brushed his lips against mine, and I sighed. “She’ll never be you.”

I whispered back, “He’ll never be you.”

Nate deepened our kiss. My mouth opened for him, and my tongue twirled around his. “Wait.” I pressed my hands on his chest. “Julian will be back any second, and Delaney is right there.” He took a step back. “You’re right. But I don’t know how much longer I can hold out without having you in my arms.” He ran his hands through his hair. “Not having you is driving me crazy.”

“I know.” I inhaled and placed a hand over his heart.

“Leave him and I’ll leave her.” He took my hand in his. His eyes scanned mine.

“Nate . . . ”

“You don’t have to answer me right now, but think about it.”

Before I could answer him, bright LED headlights turned up the driveway, indicating that Julian was home. Nate released my hand and walked over toward Delaney.

His request wasn’t that simple.

Living right on top of Delaney and Nate caused us to know what happened in each other's marriages. Things most married people hoped stayed hidden behind closed doors.

Caleb was home from camp, and with the new school year approaching, Delaney and Nate had hired him a tutor. It was a warm Thursday afternoon, my first day off in a few weeks, so I took the opportunity to clean the apartment. All the windows were open and a fresh air breezed through the house. Caleb sat on the deck, and Stephanie, his tutor, sat next to him as he busied himself with his workbook. From my apartment I could see that Delaney was busy on the phone with what I assumed was work related business. The kitchen window and sliding glass door were open in the event Stephanie needed her.

I tuned everything out and pulled out the bleach that I planned to use in the bathroom. A few hours later, I was finishing up the kitchen when the screaming began. Chills ran up my spine as Delaney's voice bellowed through my house.

“What's so difficult? It's fractions, Caleb!” Quickly, I rushed to the window. Peeking from the corner, I saw that Delaney was pacing the kitchen, shouting at the top of her lungs while poor Caleb kept his head down on the kitchen table. “I spent all this money on a tutor and yet somehow I'm still stuck with the stupid kid.”

I gasped at her remark and sank to the floor, hugging my knees as I prayed for it to stop. I wanted to run down and save him, but she was his mother.

“Your father is going to hear about this. No more TV or iPad for you.”

I jumped at the sound of gravel shifting on the ground below. I peeped out the window and spotted Nate exiting his car.

“Do you want to be the stupid kid in your class?” Delaney continued, oblivious that Nate was walking up the deck. I should have closed the windows and minded my own business, but I couldn't walk away, and my hands refused to close the glass.

The screen door slid on the track as Nate opened it further, followed by his harsh voice. “What's going on?”

“What's going on?” Delaney mocked. “What else would be going on. He's an imbecile.”

My hands rushed to my gaping mouth. Never had I imagined Delaney would be so cruel.

“Del, that's enough.” I didn’t need to see him to know that his hands were clenched at his sides. “Caleb, go to your room. I'll call you when it's time for dinner.”

You could hear a pin drop in the apartment as I waited for Caleb to get upstairs. A door slammed shut, and I jumped with fear.

Nate’s voice was crisp. “What have I told you about the way you speak with him?”

“He's my child too, Nate,” Delaney complained. “You think it's so easy, but you're always the good parent. He listens to you, and he makes my life a living hell.”

“Delaney, he's a child.”

“Bullshit!” She slammed her hand on a hard surface. “He's lazy, and he knows you'll cover for him. That's why he doesn’t pay attention to anything.”

“Then I'll get him a new tutor,” Nate barked. “I wasn't the best when it came to math, either.”

“Apparently, you aren’t the best at a lot of things,” Delaney said snidely, and immediately, I wanted to know what she was referring to.

“Fuck, Del!” Nate growled. “I’ve given you everything you wanted. I stood by your side when your parents bailed on you. I made an honest woman of you when you knocked on my door pregnant. When you wanted that boutique, I helped you build it. I built this goddamn fucking house for you. You had nannies left and right helping you raise Caleb. You send him to camp for the majority of the summer because you don't want to deal with your own child. And I've never questioned you as a mother. Ever.”

I’d never heard this side of Nate before. His anger had me crouched in a corner, petrified to move.

“So when I say enough—that I've had it with the way you’re treating my son—I mean fucking enough. Going forward, you are not to speak to him that way, do you understand me?”

“You make it seem so easy. Like I’m the malicious bitch.”

“It's not about being easy, Del.” His voice softened. “Children aren't easy. Raising a kid isn't a walk in the park, but goddamn it, we're doing the best we can. So what if he can't figure out fractions? He's a good kid, and you calling him stupid doesn’t help his confidence.”

“He runs my patience thin.”

“Fine. Going forward, I'll study with him.”

Delaney laughed. “Of course you’ll study with him. Here comes Dad to save the day.”

“What do you want, then? You're never happy. Tomorrow I'll leave work early so I'm here when Stephanie gets here.”

“I fired her.”

“Of course you did.”

“Whatever, Nate.” She stomped across the hardwood floors. “You figure it out.”

My heart ached for Caleb. I wanted to help, but I didn't know how. I wanted to run down there and assure Nate that everything would be fine. That he was a great dad. But I didn’t. I sat on the floor feeling like an intruder.

My phone beeped atop the kitchen counter, and it pulled me out of my trance. When I approached it, there was a message from Nate.

Nicole: I need your help.

Me: What's up?

Nicole: Can you tutor Caleb? He's struggling with fractions.

Me: Of course. You can bring him by the diner after lunch. He can sit in my booth and I’ll give him a few problems to work on.

Nicole: Thanks.

Me: Anytime.

Nicole: Did you hear it all?

I sighed.

Me: The whole thing. I'm sorry.

Nate: It's not your fault.

Me: Is it usually this bad?

Nicole: Over the last few years it’s gotten worse.

Me: Do you want to talk about it?

Nicole: There isn’t much to say. She doesn’t have any patience with him. I don’t think she was ready to be a mom.

My heart ached at the last comment. I wondered if she was tougher on Caleb because she knew he wasn’t Nate’s biological son. My fingers slid across the keypad as I typed out another message.

Me: Bring a Ziploc bag filled with Lego bricks tomorrow.

Nicole: Why?

Me: Trust me.

The following day, a cheerful Caleb pulled back the heavy glass door to the diner. His smile widened when he spotted me.

“Hi, Aunt Brie.” He greeted me with a warm hug.

“Hey, buddy.” I tousled his shaggy hair.

“Dad said you're going to tutor me. He said you were his tutor in college.”

I rested my hands on my knees so we were eye level. “Can you keep a secret?” I whispered, and Caleb nodded. “Your dad only passed his biology final thanks to me.”

Caleb gasped and looked back at his father. “Really, Dad?”

“It's true.” Nate chuckled. “If it wasn't for your Aunt Brie, I don't know what I would've done.”

I walked Caleb over to an empty booth. “You have the Legos?” I asked Nate. He lifted a gallon-sized Ziploc bag for me. “Perfect.” I shook the bag. “How are things at home?”

Nate chuckled. “Is that a rhetorical question?”

“That bad?”

He sighed and his hand massaged the back of his neck. “It’s been bad before, but I think this is the worst she’s been.”

“What do you think caused it?”

“I don’t know. She went into the hospital to deliver Caleb and came out a completely different person. I know they say having a child changes you but she’s done a complete one eighty.”

“I’m sorry.” I shrugged, offering him some comfort.

“It’s okay; he has me. And she’s not a bad mom. She just goes through these phases. But I have to head out for work. Thanks for this. I'll see you later.” I turned to walk away when Nate called for me.

“Brie?”

“Yeah?” I looked back at him.

“Thank you.” His lips were hidden between his teeth.

I smiled. “Anytime.”

Caleb sat in the back corner booth. He had his workbook out and was ready for me. I dumped half the Lego bricks on the table and showed him the trick about fractions and Legos.

“Wow,” Caleb said when I showed him how easy it was to put his Legos together like the problem on the page.

“Now, using the Lego bricks, try to do the problems on your worksheet. I'm going to check on some customers, but I'll be back.”

Caleb nodded and started on the first problem. My heart swelled when he took the bricks and replicated the problem. He wasn’t stupid. He was a bright young boy, and for the first time I wished he was mine. I never wanted children, especially not with Julian, but helping Caleb made me want one of my own.

Or maybe I could be the cool stepmom.

I brushed the thought out of my mind quickly.

I was the cool aunt.

CHAPTER 32

BRIELLE

STOLEN moments turned into borrowed time. Glances weren't enough. Text messages didn't seem to satisfy our need of each other.

We both wanted more.

It was early August, and Nate and I were in a full-blown emotional affair—the worst kind. I never gave him an answer about leaving Julian, but he took what I was willing to offer. We spoke on the phone every day, and he told me about his day. We had lunch together when we could fit it into our schedules, and when Delaney had to work late at her store and Caleb was with his grandmother, Nate and I ran away to the movie theater and made out like teenagers. I came home with my lips bruised and an unbearable ache between my legs. Like a schoolgirl, I was sneaking around with my boyfriend.

I was in love.

But when we were around our significant others, we acted as if nothing ever happened. He was the man I loved and my best friend all in one.

We had rules as well. We couldn’t touch each other when we were home, so instead, we went on hikes so he could pin me up against a tree and kiss me until my lips were bruised. We had lunch in a hidden parking lot. And we both found any excuse to be near each other.

It was toxic and intoxicating all at once.

Julian was working overtime and we had saved enough money to buy a second car. I'd worked the graveyard shift and had just pulled in the driveway when my cell phone buzzed.

Nicole: I'm downtown. I want to see you.

I felt a smile appear on my face. Before I could reply, another message came in.

Nicole: I need to be with you.

Me: Give me an hour.

As I jogged up the stairs, my heart felt as if it would explode out of my chest, but I would do this. I would say fuck that line and run past it. The guilt that should have brewed in me was nowhere in sight. I was tired of never giving myself what I wanted.

Before I hopped in the shower, I sent Julian a quick text message.

Me: Hey, they need me to do a double today. Do you want me to bring you home dinner?

Julian: No, it's OK. I'll grab something with Todd.

I knew he would decline the offer. He hated the diner food, but at least it made my excuse seem realistic, and he wouldn’t come looking for me. I showered, made sure every inch was perfectly lathered and lotioned, and then I picked out the sexiest bra and panties I owned.

When I got in my car, I sent Nate a text message.

Me: Where am I meeting you?

Nicole: I'm at the Ritz. Room 1103.

I glanced in the rearview mirror. You got this.

Anxiety crept up my body as the miles passed and I approached the downtown area of Charlotte. Traffic was minimal, but still I drove at a slower speed than normal. I was nervous. It had been ten years since Nate and I were together. I was a girl then, but I was a woman now. And the boy I fell in love with had turned into a man. The butterflies in my stomach refused to calm their wings.

I valeted my car and walked through the lobby of the upscale hotel. The vibrant wine colored walls made the large space feel warm. I kept my head lowered to avoid anyone spotting me, and my heart beat in my ears as the elevator rose to the eleventh floor. There was no turning back now.

My palms were sweaty, and I wiped them on my shorts before tapping lightly on the door. The few seconds I waited for Nate felt like hours. When the door pulled open, my eyes landed on the man before me.

His dark navy blue suit was tailored to fit his taut body perfectly. His tie was loosened and dangled from his periwinkle blue shirt. He looked absolutely delectable. The nerves I felt about being with him disappeared, and within seconds all I cared about was being tangled in the sheets with him.

“Hi,” I whispered as walked in.

A boyish grin grew on Nate's face. He closed the door behind me, and I spun back to face him. He lifted me into his arms in one swift motion. My back was pressed against the wall as his mouth claimed mine. Hungry and carnal, his fingers dug into my thighs, and I felt his erection pressed to my core.

I moaned into his mouth as I slid my hands up his virgin wool suit and wrapped them around his neck. Soft lips traced down my cheeks, across my chin, and down to the hollow of my throat.

“Hi,” he finally whispered back. His breath caused goosebumps to appear on the sensitive skin there. Nervously, I giggled as Nate continued to kiss my neck gently. “What's so funny?” he asked, his warm breath tickling my skin.

“I’ve never had a greeting like that.” I sucked on my lower lip to hide my smile.

He released my legs and placed me on the ground in front of him. “I'm sorry.” His hands grazed across my cheek. “I can't help myself when I'm around you.”

I rose on my tip toes and kissed his lips again. Running my hands inside his jacket, I laced them around his waist. My head rested on his chest and I felt his rapid heartbeat. “I've missed this,” I whispered.

“I'm sorry.” He sighed and I shook my head to stop him.

“I don't want you to apologize. I don't want to think about Julian, Delaney, or the past ten years. I want to be here, with you, in this moment. Just me and you.” I looked up at him and smiled.

“I love you, Brielle.” His eyes were bright, and small crow’s feet spread from them as the most delectable smile greeted his face.

“Back at you, Nathaniel.”

Nate discarded his suit jacket and linked his hand with mine as he brought me further into the room. A large king-sized bed with a white duvet comforter dominated the room. The television sat on a large dresser, and in the corner near the large window was a tray of crudités and fresh fruit with a bucket of ice, champagne, and two glasses.

“I didn't know if you'd be hungry. We can order room service if you'd like.”

“No.” I walked over to the tray and grabbed a strawberry before I turned back toward him. “This is perfect. Romantic, even.”

“You deserve nothing but the best.”

I loved this man. I desperately needed him. It wasn’t an infatuation or a first love that never died. There were times I felt I couldn't breathe unless he was with me. I was okay with sharing him with her. I knew that was insane, but it also meant I got some part of him, even if it was a fragment, and that was better than nothing at all.

I’d take the hidden moments.

The glances across the room.

The sneaking off to hotels in the middle of the day.

I’d take it all if it meant I got to spend a few hours with him. If it meant he was back in my life.

I should have felt guilty, but there was no guilt inside me. Not when I was with him. For those few hours he was mine and everything around us didn't exist.

I took a flute of champagne and handed it to him, then turned back to grab the other. “Cheers.” I raised my glass to his. I tried to smile, but it was impossible when his eyes were looking at me as though he was a hunter and I was the prey.

Nate stretched his hand out for me and I went willingly. No words were spoken as he pulled me closer. My arms laced around his neck, and he buried his face in the crook of my neck. His lips grazed down my shoulder, his fingers gently tugging my shirt and exposing my bare skin. With each passing second, I grew wetter with need.

The wait was antagonizing.

Slowly I moved to the bed, Nate following every step I took. Sitting on the bed, I kicked my sandals off.

Nate's mouth and hands were all over my body. He was familiarizing himself with what had always been his.

I felt loved.

Beautiful.

Wanted.

Feelings that had been taken away from me years ago.

He tugged my shirt off, then kissed down one breast as one hand reached behind me and unhooked my bra. My heavy breasts were under his lips. My nipples pebbled at his touch.

I whimpered.

He growled.

Never pulling my gaze from his, I unbuttoned his shirt, undid his tie, and ran my fingertips along his soft skin.

“Lie back,” he said against my lips.

My hair fanned across the goose feather pillow, and Nate kneeled before me. He tugged on my shorts and slid them down my legs. Tossing them behind him, he ran his hands up my legs, and I arched my back in desperation. My breathing grew rapid. I didn’t know how much longer I could wait for him to be inside me. His lips grazed my skin, and his scruff tickled my thighs. My legs opened for him, and Nate gently kissed around the lace material of my thong.

“Oh, God,” I moaned when his tongue slid along my core. “Please,” I begged.

“Shh,” Nate whispered against my clit and I felt my body would explode. “I refuse to rush this. It doesn’t matter how much this pains me to take it slow. I plan to make every minute count.”

I gnawed my lower lip, both excited and scared for what was about to happen.

Entwining his fingers around my thong, he dragged it down my legs, his eyes never leaving mine. “You’re everything I ever wanted,” he muttered.

Nate kissed the curve of my knee, up my thigh, and up to the soft skin where my legs joined my body. Unable to wait any longer, I threw my head back and anticipated his tongue on the one place I needed him most. Ever so gently, Nate licked the tip of my clit, and I gasped for air.

He licked it again.

Again.

And again.

Each time I felt my toes curl with pleasure. Each time he caused another wave of ecstasy to course through my body. It was an electrical current feeding me with desire.

“Please . . . Don’t . . . Oh . . . God . . .”

Nate’s fingertips dug into my thighs as I came with passion.

My body shook. I wanted to scream, cry, laugh. Fully sated, I moaned his name louder with each shock.

“Hmm,” he hummed against my swollen bud.

I opened my eyes and pulled him toward me, my lips landing on the wet corner and my tongue licked off my arousal.

“That’s a half kiss.”

Nate smiled against my lips before claiming my mouth with his. My hungry hands undid his pants and exposed his hard cock. I stroked it gently. I wanted to taste him, but when I went to move, Nate stopped me.

“You do that and I won’t last two minutes.”

I giggled but stopped when he stood and discarded the remainder of his clothes. He was fucking perfect.

Taut.

Lean.

Rock fucking hard.

“How do you want me?” My voice was barely a whisper.

“Turn around.” He pointed to the mirror on the opposite wall. “I want to see your face when you come again.”

I quickly obliged.

Kneeling on the bed, I lay my head flat on the duvet. Nate ran his fingers down my spine. Every move was slow and calculated.

Antagonizing.

Unforgettable.

He lined his cock at my entrance and rubbed his head on my soaked core. Slowly, I lifted my hips and pushed against his shaft. I whimpered as he pushed further, sinking deep inside me as he held my waist. It was everything.

Perfection.

Nate pulled out slowly before burying himself again, deep inside me. I moaned every time he sank deeper. Gradually he picked up his pace until he was slamming into me. His hands gripped my waist as he drove harder.

Dominating.

Possessive.

He was claiming what had always been his.

“Tell me,” he grunted.

My pending orgasm was building stronger with each thrust.

Moaning a soft pleasurable cry, I managed to breathe out one word. “Yours,” I said softly. “All yours,” I whimpered. “Only yours.”

“Mine,” he growled and reached around me. His finger rubbed against my clit, and it was all I needed.

Nate was everything to me.

His touch was my fix.

And I'd become an addict who spent her weekend on a binge, followed by rehab. Because I knew he wasn't mine. I was on borrowed time, and when this was all over, he'd be gone.

There was no escaping that this ecstasy would soon be followed by unbearable pain.

Sooner rather than later, I would be forced to return to reality.

CHAPTER 33

BRIELLE

ONE NIGHT with Nate wasn't enough. I needed more than a few hours. I wanted to fall asleep in his arms and wake up entwined with him.

I wanted a lifetime.

The following morning, I was sitting in the diner, my gaze lost in the memories of the previous night. It was early still, but the breakfast rush had left. The other waiters chatted about the previous shift while I distracted myself with refilling the ketchup bottles. I didn’t want to join in their conversations. Not when I couldn't hide the smile on my face.

My phone buzzed in my apron, and my smile grew wider when I noticed his code name on the screen.

Nicole: Good morning.

Me: Hi.

Nicole: How are you?

Me: Fine. Missing you.

Nicole: Tell me.

Me: I love you.

Nicole: I need to be with you again.

Me: I know.

Nicole: I want a weekend with you.

Me: That would be a dream.

Nicole: Can you visit your mom? Alone?

I gnawed my lips, wondering how I’d pull that off. My mother resided in an assisted living home in Florida. Julian and I used to visit her yearly, until he started working for Dennis.

Me: Maybe. I don't see why not. But what will you tell Delaney?

Nicole: I have a conference in Houston for eight days the second week of September.

Me: My mother is in Ft. Lauderdale.

Nicole: Leave it to me. Just have Julian agree that you're going alone, and I'll do the rest.

Later that night, I made sure to call my mother just as I arrived home. She was explaining to me how she had won Bingo night three weeks in a row.

“That's great, Mom,” I said as I hung my key on the hook near the door.

“Betty Ann will be picking me up soon,” she said slowly.

“Okay. I'll call you tomorrow so you can tell me if you won.” I walked over to the couch where Julian was sitting and kissed his lips. Most of the time I kissed his cheek as I greeted him. His eyes pulled away from the TV and glanced up at me.

“Okay, take care, sweetie. I miss you.”

“I miss you too, Mom.”

“Give a kiss to Julian for me.”

“He sends his love. Bye.” I tossed the phone on the coffee table and tucked my feet on the couch.

“How's your mom doing?” Julian asked.

“She's good. I miss her like crazy sometimes.”

Julian rested his hand on my lap, but his gaze was focused on the television.

“Do you have any vacation days?” I asked nonchalantly.

“Not really since I just started.”

I sighed. “Right. Maybe in a few months.”

I had planted the seed.

Labor day weekend, Delaney, Nate, and Caleb drove out to her parents’ house in Savannah for the weekend. At first, Nate was hesitant and didn’t want to go, but I persuaded him. If he played the part of a happy husband, Delaney wouldn’t think anything strange was going on. It was horrible that we both lived this way. Lying to the ones we were supposed to love the most in order to keep them away from what we were really doing. Plus, it gave me a chance to convince Julian that I should go see my mother.

Saturday morning, Julian awoke to find me on the couch. My hands were wrapped around a coffee mug, and my gaze was lost on the area rug. When he walked past me, I sighed.

“Morning,” he greeted me.

“Hey.” My voice was low.

“What’s the matter, Brie?” Julian grabbed the remote and turned on the television.

“Nothing.”

“Are you sure?” He looked over at me. “Did I do something wrong?”

“I’m fine.” I took a sip of my coffee. “I was just thinking about my mom. It’s been a while since I’ve seen her.”

“We can go for Thanksgiving.”

“Yeah.” I nodded slowly. “That’s not until November, though.”

“Can you take time off from work?” he asked and I nodded. “Why don’t you fly down and see her?”

It was wrong that I had coerced my husband this way, and it was horrible that I planned to actually spend that time with Nate, but I’d stopped caring a long time ago what was right or wrong. I was living for me. And Nate brought me joy.

“You’d be okay with that?”

“Sure.” He threw his arm around my neck and pulled me closer to him. “I’m busy with work now anyway.”

I knew from Nate that was a lie, but I suspected Julian had found someone to keep him busy at work.

When Julian focused his attention back on the television, I snuck out of the living room and into the bathroom. I pulled my cell phone out of my back pocket, and I let the water run in the sink as I sent Nate a text message.

Me: Yo.

It was our code word in the event Delaney was nearby.

Nicole: Hi, babe.

He replied right away and a smile grew on my face.

Me: I talked to Julian. I’m going to see my mom. We’ll talk more about it when you get home.

Nicole: I get to spend a weekend with you?

Me: Yes.

Nicole: I’m going to devour you.

Me: Behave! We’ll talk when you get back.

I deleted his messages like I had done every time we texted and slid my phone in my back pocket. I was really doing this. A whole weekend when Nate and I didn’t have to worry about anyone interrupting us.

I kissed Julian good-bye and hopped on a plane to Ft. Lauderdale. My heart raced as I waved to him from the security check-in line. Nate had spent the previous week in Houston and promised me he would meet me at the hotel. My flight from Charlotte was a little over an hour, and once I arrived and checked in at the hotel, I took a cab to my mother’s facility.

My heart broke into a million pieces when I spotted her sitting outside in the picnic area. She was with a few other members, and playing cards were scattered around the small table. I followed the nurse who brought me to them.

“Ms. Hansen, your daughter is here to see you.”

My mother lowered her cards, and a smile broke out on her face. “Oh, my sweet baby girl.” Her hands clapped together.

My eyes swelled with tears, and I dropped down to give her a hug. “Hi, Mom.” When my mother had her stroke, her left side remained paralyzed. She couldn’t walk for long periods without a walker, and she couldn’t raise her arm above her head. There were bigger challenges with getting her the help she needed financially, but she was still here with me.

We made our way to the cafeteria, and she proudly showed me off to some friends along the way. Once we sat at the table, she looked at me, her eyebrows furrowed.

“What’s going on?” she asked. Call it mother’s intuition, but my mother was able to read me like a book. “Something seems different about you. Are you and Julian having issues?”

I chuckled to keep myself from crying. “Everything is fine, Mom.”

“You’re a bad liar.”

“You have enough to deal with.”

“Sweetie, I sleep till ten, I watch TV, play cards with the ladies, try to do some aerobics to help with my arm, and I play bingo once a week.” My mother crossed her arms at the table. “I don’t have anything to deal with. You made sure my life was as peaceful as possible. Now, tell your mother what’s the matter.”

I smiled. “Seriously, Mom. Everything is fine.”

My mother reached out and grasped my hand. “I know you hide things because you think it will hurt me, but I’m your mother. I made you and therefore I know you. And if you don’t want to talk, that’s fine. But if there is one piece of advice I want you to take away, it’s that life is short. Days will turn into months, and months will turn into years. Don’t let years pass you by before you look back and realize you never knew what happiness was. If I could go back and change things, I would kick your father to the curb and focus solely on you.”

I brushed a tear away and leaned forward to kiss my mother on the cheek. “I love you, Mom.”

She held a hand to my face and cupped my cheek. “Whatever is going on, make sure you’re happy. If not, then what’s the point?”

Julian would never be the man who made me truly happy. We were both forced to grow up too quickly, and I believed we both resented one another because of it. But Julian was getting the help he needed, and once I was sure he wouldn’t relapse, I’d ask him for a divorce.

It was time for both of us to move on.

Later that night, I was back in the hotel at the Hyatt waiting for Nate to call. He had flown to Houston as originally planned for work and then caught a flight to Ft. Lauderdale. I spent most of the night pacing the room as I awaited his arrival.

The soft tap on the door caused me to jump. I tightened the robe around my waist and rushed to answer. Pulling the door back, I hid behind it to let Nate in.

“Hi.” I smiled as I shut the door.

Parking his rolling suitcase and dropping his small duffle bag to the floor, he closed the gap between us. His mouth claimed mine, and I moaned in ecstasy. Nate kissed my lips, my cheeks, my neck.

“This doesn’t seem real,” he muttered as he hugged me tightly.

“It’s real. Even if it’s only for forty-eight hours. It’s just us.”

I pushed Nate further into the room. When the backs of his knees hit the bed, I tapped on his chest. “Sit,” I demanded.

His eyes scanned me head to toe and stopped when he noticed me tugging on the sash to my robe. I slid the soft material off my shoulders, exposing the lace lingerie I had picked up for this weekend.

“Fuck,” he grunted.

“You like?” I twirled around slowly.

“Come here.” Nate reached out for me.

I shook my head slowly. “There’s no need to rush.” I dropped to my knees before him. “Plus, there’s something I’ve been craving.”

“Brielle, you’re not . . .”

I nodded readily, hungry for him. I unbuttoned his jeans and stroked his cock. It hardened at my touch. Seductively, I licked my lips and brought my mouth to the turgid tip, the skin soft on my warm, wet tongue. From the corner of my eye, I saw Nate clench the comforter. My tongue massaged him as he slid in and out. I took him deeper with each stroke. I held his base and pulled him out, rotating my tongue around his head as I sucked my saliva off his silky skin.

“Holy fuck, Brielle,” he moaned.

Looking up at him, I sucked in his shaft as deep as it would go. He hit the back of my throat, and my muscles contracted. My fingernails dug into his thighs. Nate brushed my hair to the side and moaned how beautiful I looked. His breath grew quicker, and I knew he was close, so I sucked harder.

“I’m going to come,” he mumbled, but I didn’t pull away. “Fuck, Brie,” he moaned and his warm, velvet liquid gushed down my throat.

Once he was finished, I sat back on my knees and peered up at him. His eyes were dazed, and a grin greeted me.

“Good?” I asked innocently.

“You’re going to kill me.” He lifted me off the floor.

I fell into his arms and laughed. “Are you hungry?”

“For you, always.”

“No. For food, I mean.”

“Yeah, I can eat, but there’s no way I’m leaving this room.”

“I can call for room service.”

Nate nodded. I crawled up the bed and reached for the phone on the nightstand. I squealed when his hand tapped my ass.

“This is all mine.”

Nate and I munched on a few appetizers. I’d ordered a bottle of wine, and I already felt the effects of my second glass. He placed the empty trays out in the hallway, and when he strolled back in the room, his eyes had changed. They were hooded, and his tongue slowly ran across his lower lip. He reached a hand out for me and pulled me forward, making me fall right into his arms. His ravenous mouth covered mine, one hand entwined in my hair as the other squeezed my ass.

My hands trailed up his body. Wrapping them around his neck, I deepened our kiss. His tongue twirled with mine while the oxygen escaped our lungs. Nate guided me away from the small table in the room and toward the bed. He stopped when my legs hit the mattress.

“Tell me,” he whispered against my lips.

“I love you, Nate. I love you with everything I have.”

Nate pressed a soft half kiss on my lips. “I want a lifetime with you. I want to bury myself inside you always.”

My core throbbed, my nipples hardened, and my heart felt as though it would explode. With the last bit of oxygen I had left, I responded, “Always.”

With his hands on my face, he kissed me ruthlessly, his eagerness seeping into my body before he softened the kiss and pulled away. Nate kissed my lips, the corner of my mouth, my cheek, then worked his way to my ear, nipping on my lobe before kissing down my jaw to my throat. Sliding down my body, he kissed my shoulder and chest before he dropped to his knees.

Nate’s gaze never left mine as he pulled down my panties. When he stood, he wrapped his arms around me and unhooked my bra. Moving my hair off my shoulder, he kissed my neck, biting and sucking as he guided me onto the bed.

“Lie back,” he ordered softly.

I obeyed.

Nate towered over me, kissing a path from my lips down my stomach. It seemed his hands were memorizing my body. His tongue circled my belly button and I giggled softly. Warm fingers slid between my legs. His thumb lightly pressed on my clit and an electrical current ran up my body. His mouth followed, trailing a wet path from my belly button to my clit.

My hips bucked when his tongue slid across my core. A rush passed through me and my nipples hardened. Nate reached up and pinched one.

I moaned.

I cried.

I came as he continued to stroke my clit.

When my body returned from the abyss, I was greeted with a grinning Nate. “Hmm,” I moaned.

“I can do that all weekend if you like.”

“I like,” I teased.

Nate discarded the remainder of his clothes. His dick was rock hard when he slid down his boxers. “You’re beautiful,” he said as he climbed on top of me. My legs parted for him and he positioned himself at my entrance. “So fucking perfect.”

His head slid against my damp core and I opened for him. Nate’s thickness filled every inch of me. His lips pressed on my neck as he pushed farther into me, and I whimpered in pure ecstasy.

Nate moved slowly at first, and then picked up speed. Panting and moaning, we made love, our lips on each other’s bodies through it all. My toes curled as tingles crawled over my skin and we came together.

His heart hammered in his chest.

I was numb with bliss.

Heaven.

NATHANIEL

I’d been a fool for so many years.

What Brie and I shared was indescribable. It wasn’t a feeling. It was knowing, with certainty, that a love like ours was impossible to live without. Being with her was living. I didn’t know back then what I would miss out on.

She was married to my brother. But I didn’t care. She was mine. And I was hers.

A light snore escaped Brielle’s nose, and I fought the urge to touch her. “Hmm . . .” she moaned and slowly opened her eyes. “Are you watching me sleep?”

My fingers traced along her bare shoulders and down her spine. “I’m admiring you.”

Brielle chuckled and rolled her eyes. “You and your pick up lines.”

“It’s not a pick up line if it’s true.”

“It’s creepy to watch a person sleep.” She arched an eyebrow at me. “You’re not admiring, just being a creeper.”

I tickled her ribs and she squealed. “Still a creep?” I asked.

“No, no.” She laughed. “Not a creep.” With a wide smile, she sat up on the bed and covered her chest with the sheets. “What should we do today?”

Ignoring her question, I tugged on the sheet. Her full breasts greeted me. My hand cupped one. “You’re the only thing I want to do,” I replied, my thumb circling around her beautiful light-pink nipple.

“We have to eat something.” She tried to slap my hand away, and I moved to the other one. “We can’t stay cooped up in a hotel room all day.”

“You’re right.” I pulled my gaze away from her nipples and up to her face. “Why don’t you go spend the morning with your mom? Have lunch with her and then we’ll meet up later.”

She cocked her head to the side. “What will you do while I’m gone?”

“A couple of my coworkers think I’m in my room with the stomach bug. I have to make some work calls, play into the whole violently sick thing.”

“Wait.” She crossed her arms. “Does Delaney still think you’re in Houston?”

My hand massaged the kink in my neck. “Yes.”

“What if she calls you? Or better yet, what if she wants to Facetime you?” Brielle covered her face with her palms.

“Hey.” I grasped her hands and kissed her palms. “Every hotel looks the same. She won’t know the difference. I promise she won’t suspect anything.”

Brielle shrugged. “Okay. I’m going to take a shower.” She threw her legs off the bed, and I followed. She stopped walking and looked back at me.

“What are you doing?”

“Going to take a shower,” I said and scooped her in my arms.

“Insatiable.” She shook her head.

“For you? Always.”

CHAPTER 34

BRIELLE

IT WAS surreal to walk around and not be afraid to hold his hand. As we took a stroll through the center of town, a gentleman asked if he wanted to buy his wife a rose. Nate smiled and handed him the cash for the red flower. Joy was all I felt.

But I couldn't live in a bubble with Nate forever. It was only a matter of time before reality kicked in and knocked me off my pedestal.

I wasn’t his wife.

I was his dirty mistress.

Reality sucked.

A few days after I arrived home, I was in the pharmacy buying tampons when I bumped into Delaney, who was holding an ovulation test.

“Oh!” I stumbled back. “Hey, D.”

She grinned. “Hey, how was your mom? I haven't seen you since you got back.”

I shook my head. “It was great.” I swallowed back my anger. “It was nice to see her, and she's doing well. It was a nice trip overall.” Unable to keep my eyes away from the elephant in the room, I look down at the ovulation test and then back at her.

Delaney giggled, and I fought the urge to kick her. “Nate and I are thinking maybe it's time we try for another.” Her smile was genuine, but I felt like I was being kicked in the gut. I was the whore he fucked while his wife planned to expand their family.

The bubble had burst.

This was real life.

“That's great.” I wanted to cry. I wanted to hide. I wanted to scream and confess he had been with me all weekend. But I couldn’t.

“When he gets home from Houston, we're going to get busy and make another baby.”

I pulled my gaze away from her and grabbed the first box of tampons I saw. The quicker I got out of there, the better.

“I didn't want a second.” She continued her conversation, and forced me to listen to her. “But I hate that Caleb doesn't have anyone to rely on later in life. I see Julian and Nate, and I think how well they get along, and I want that for Caleb, too, you know?”

“Yeah,” I muttered. I turned away, but her voice stopped me.

“When are you and Julian going to try?” She looked at me and then picked up another box.

The audacity. “Honestly, kids have never crossed my mind.”

“You'll regret it if you don't have them, trust me. Caleb is the best thing that ever happened to me.” She sighed. “I'm so fortunate that Nate wants a big family. There’s nothing more I want than to have all my kids surrounding me during the holidays.” Each of her statements killed me.

“When Nate and I grow old, I want to be spoiled with grandkids.”

“That's fantastic.” I reached for a box of overnight pads because I needed to focus my energy on anything else. “Good luck to you guys,” I managed to mumble as I spun around and walked away.

Once I rounded the aisle, I threw the tampons and pads on a random shelf and dashed out of the pharmacy. My vision was blurred with spots when I blinked. There was no future for me and Nate. There could never be a future. I had been very clear of that from the very beginning. But never had the asshole warned me that he and his wife were planning baby number two.

I slammed the car door and yanked out my cell phone.

Me: When you get home we need to talk.

Nicole: Is everything okay?

Me: Why didn’t you tell me you and Del were planning another kid?

Nicole: We’re not.

Me: Are you sure because the conversation I just had with her suggests she plans on trying the second you get home.

Nicole: This is news to me.

Me: Maybe we should stop. This isn’t fair to Caleb. I’m only messing up his life.

Nicole: Don’t say that. We’ll talk when I get home, okay?

Me: K.

I shoved my phone in my purse and exhaled slowly.

Decisions had to be made.

Lives had to be changed.

The diner was crowded with the after church brunch rush. Every table was packed, so some stragglers were pushed off to the bar area.

“You have a customer at the bar,” Fran said as I walked out of the kitchen with three plates balanced on my hands.

“Thanks.” I nodded. After I handed off the food to the customers in Booth Twenty, I walked over to the bar. “Hi, I’m Brielle. I’ll be your server. Can I start you out with something to drink?”

“Brielle?” The gentleman looked at me. “Brielle Hansen?”

His face was familiar, but my smile faded a bit when I realized who he was. His freckles gave him away. They were the same as Caleb’s. “Austin?”

He nodded. “How’ve you been?”

“I . . . I . . . Good,” I stuttered.

“Brielle Hansen.” He closed his menu. “I haven’t seen you in what, ten years?”

“It’s Wright now.”

“That’s right. You married Julian, right?” I nodded. “I thought you two lived in Chicago.”

From the corner of my eye, I saw Fran seat two more customers at another table. “We were. We’re back now. Can I get you something to start off with?”

“I’ll take a coffee.” He squinted at me, and a shiver of unease ran up my spine.

“I’ll be right back.”

I rushed to greet the new customers and take their drink orders. When I returned with his coffee, I had my pad ready to write out his order. “All set to order?”

“Yeah, Two eggs, over-easy with bacon and a side of whole wheat toast.”

“Perfect.”

“Let me ask you something.” I looked away from the note pad and up at him. “How’s Delaney doing?”

I swallowed. “Fine.” My eyebrows pinched together. “Why?”

Austin shook his head slowly. “I’ve been trying to contact her for a few days now, but she’s been ignoring my calls.”

“I’ll let her know.”

“You do that.” His voice was low.

In my gut, I knew he was here to talk about Caleb. All the puzzle pieces began to fall into place. This was the reason Delaney wanted to get pregnant. She knew it was only a matter of time before the truth about her and Austin came out, and if she were pregnant, Nate wouldn’t leave her. She’d play the “I didn’t know he was the father” card.

Fucking conniving bitch.

I wanted to text Nate and let him know everything. But there were some things you couldn’t say over a text message.

He would be home tomorrow, and I needed to warn him about the shit storm that was heading his way.

I kept replaying my conversation with Delaney at the pharmacy and my conversation with Austin while scrubbing off the grease in the oven. Mostly I was trying to figure out what to say to Nate.

“What's the matter?” Julian asked and hung up his key on the hook. He was just arriving home late from work.

“Nothing, why?”

“You hate cleaning the oven. The only time you clean it is when you're stressed about something. What's going on?”

“Nothing.”

“Can I ask you something?” Julian rested his back against the counter and watched me scrub the oven door.

“Sure.”

“Are you and Nate still good friends?”

My hands stopped moving, and I cocked my head to look up at him. “I would say so, why?”

“Nothing, really.” Julian crossed his arms over his chest. “I’ve noticed the way he looks at you. He lingers.”

I panicked. “What would make you say that?”

“His body language toward you.”

I reached for the degreaser and sprayed more into the oven, my mind running wild. “I think you’re reading too much into this. He’s your brother, Julian.” My hand trembled as I spoke.

“That doesn’t mean anything.” He paused, and I looked up at him. “My wife’s hot.” He leaned down and kissed the back of my neck, and I exhaled.

I stood and walked over to the sink to rinse out the sponge. “He and Delaney are planning to have another child,” I blurted. I needed any thought of Nate and me out of his mind.

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

Julian wrapped his arm around me. His chin rested on my neck. “And what about us?”

“What about us?” My body tightened.

“When do you want to have a little one of our own?”

Slowly, I turned to face him. “We live in your brother’s apartment. There’s no room for a kid in here.”

“So, we’ll move.” A grin grew on his face. “We have enough money saved to put down on a house. And we can sell the condo in Chicago. Dennis gave it to us. The title is in our name.”

I cracked my knuckles. That was a commitment, a long-term commitment, one I wasn’t willing to do anymore. “I . . . I don’t . . . I don’t want children.” I raised my hand in defeat.

“What?” Julian took a step back. Shocked, he crossed his arms over his chest.

“I don’t.” I shook my head. Children were something I pushed out of my mind years ago. Bringing a child into the marriage we had wasn’t something I ever wanted to do. “I don’t see myself as the motherly type.”

“You’re great with kids.”

“I’m great with other people’s kids. I’m sorry, Julian. I don’t want a child.” I shrugged.

“Why didn’t you tell me this before?” His voice grew louder with anger.

Annoyed with everything that was going on, I yelled, “When? When would have been the appropriate time to let you know I didn’t want children? When you were out fucking everything that walked? Or when we had nothing to our name? Or better yet, when we got married at twenty and I had no idea what I wanted in life?”

Julian’s hand slapped my face, and I gasped. “You selfish bitch!” he said through gritted teeth. “All I’ve ever done was give. Anything you wanted, I gave you. Now you won’t give me a child.”

My hand pressed on my burning skin, and I inhaled all the air my lungs could take. “Get out!” My voice bellowed through the house. “Pack your things. I want you out of this fucking house right now!” Tears of rage fell down my cheeks. “I want out of this fucking marriage! Goddamn it, I want a divorce!” My fists balled at my sides; my gaze never left his. “You want a kid so fucking bad, go find someone who’s fine being your punching bag!”

“This is my house!” Julian moved to grab me, but I was quicker and reached for the Santoku knife.

“GET! OUT!” I swung the knife in his direction and Julian jumped back. “I swear, if you ever touch me again, I’ll kill you.” My voice was shaky.

Julian mumbled a few choice words and stormed out. When the door slammed shut, I slid to the floor, my hands trembling as I slid the knife across the linoleum. I’d reached my max. I was done.

Reality.

Things needed to change.

Reality.

I would file for divorce.

Reality.

I would tell Nate I wanted a life with him.

I remembered the day as if it was yesterday.

A day that would haunt me for the rest of my life.

A day none of us would ever forget.

It was the most breathtaking early fall day. The colorful foliage was still a few weeks away, leaving the trees green and full.

It was three in the afternoon and there wasn't a cloud in the sky as I finished my shift at the diner and rushed home to meet Nate. Delaney was at work, and I sighed with relief when I pulled in the driveway. Rushing out of my car, I ran up the deck and opened the back door. Sliding through it, my gaze immediately landed on Nate who was resting against the sink while Caleb watched TV and snacked on a grilled cheese sandwich.

I clutched my fingers to get them to stop shaking, but it was useless.

“Hey, Aunt B.” He smiled at me, but I could barely smile back. “I passed my math test,” he announced proudly.

“Th-That’s great, buddy.” My voice was weak. I glanced over at Nate, but his attention was focused on my cheek, so I turned my head.

Nate cleared his throat. “Hey, sport, Aunt Brie and I need to chat. We’ll be in my office if you need me.” Caleb nodded, and I followed behind Nate, my hands continuing to shake.

Nate opened his office door and invited me in, watching my every move. His scent wafted through the small room as I inhaled. I felt at home. Tears began to pool in my eyes. Everything was red: the walls, the accent furniture, the little trinkets scattered around. He’d never forgotten about us.

Nate left the door cracked and spun to face me. “What’s the matter?” He searched my eyes for answers. “What happened to your face?” He closed the space between us and brushed his fingertips across my cheek.

“That’s irrelevant.” I pushed his hand away. “We need to talk.”

He cocked his head to the side, his brows pinched. “Brie, you’re scaring me.”

I shook my head and swallowed. “I asked Julian for a divorce,” I blurted. Instantly, the weight lifted off my shoulders. My heart raced as I peered up at Nate. He blinked, staring at me as if he was processing my words.

“I choose you. I want a life with you. Delaney is trying to trap you with another b—”

Nate’s mouth crashed onto mine, and my words were left unsaid. He embraced me, bringing me flush to his warm, hard body. Yearning for this moment, I kissed him back with fervor and desperation. My lips tangled with his until we were both breathless.

“I’ll leave her,” Nate said. His mouth hovered over mine. “I want you for me, Brielle,” he whispered against my lips.

Everything I ever wanted was happening. His words sealed the deal. It was as if the world finally made an ounce of sense.

“I fucking knew it!”

I froze at the sound of that voice. The door slammed against the wall and bounced off as Julian marched past it, his anger palpable.

Nate stilled, and I tried like hell to form a sentence.

“What are . . .”

My words fell flat when my gaze landed on the gun Julian held in his hand. Oh, God. I clutched Nate tighter.

Julian’s other hand sliced through the air, papers flying in their wake, landing like feathers by my feet. Scared, I looked down and noticed it was a cell phone bill. I squinted at the printout, my stomach dropping the second I realized it was a transcript of my text messages with Nate.

“How long has this been going on?” Julian slurred, waving the gun in the air.

A tear dripped down my face. I knew nothing good was about to happen.

“Let me explain.” Nate pushed me behind him to shield me.

Julian ignored his brother as his angry eyes remained glued to mine. “You fucking whore. Running off to fuck him! I traced your cell phone! I read all the fucking text messages!” The vein on the side of his neck was protruding.

“Julian, you’re drunk.” Nate said calmly. “If you’ll just let me explain—”

“Don’t you dare fucking speak to me!” He steadied his arm, pointing the gun at his brother.

Panic flooded my every sense. Without thinking, I jumped in front of Nate. “Wait!”

He snapped his darkened gaze to Nate. “This is why you told me to go after her?”

Nate’s breathing turned choppy behind me, his hands firm on my shoulders, trying to pull me back, but I refused.

Julian’s eyes found mine, the gun still aimed at his brother. “This is why you married me?” He shook with head with disgust. “Because he didn’t choose you. I was your goddamn consolation prize.”

My throat swelled with fear. “That’s not what happened.”

“He’s my brother. You fucking whore. I loved you!” Julian screeched.

I deserved all his hatred and his rage.

“Julian . . . brother, please put the gun down.” Nate tried to plead with him, but his finger continued to hold steady on the trigger.

“Please,” I begged, choking back a cry. “We can talk.” My voice was barely a whisper.

“No.” Julian’s eyes were cold, the hazel hue replaced with a darkness I’d never seen before. “You. Don’t. Deserve. To live.” His slow, harsh words were no match for the way he closed his eyes. Every moment felt like hours, but was merely seconds as his finger pulled back on the trigger.

A cold shiver stretched down my spine, the fear ricocheted inside my soul.

“No!” Nate’s scream pierced my ears before the loud bang of a gunshot barreled through me, deafening all other sounds but its hiss.

I closed my eyes. My knees hit the floor first as my body fell. I blindly clutched at my chest, gasping for air as I waited for the pain.

But there wasn’t any.

I wasn’t hit.

My pulse raced, giving me a sign I was still alive. I’d been shoved.

My head snapped to the side, and it was then I noticed Nate’s lifeless body lying on the floor. Surrounded by a pool of blood.

“Nate!” I crawled to his side. Bright red stained his button down shirt. Julian had shot him in the chest. “Oh, my God!” I screamed. With shaky hands, I pressed my palms as hard as I could to his wounded flesh. “Stay with me.” Tears blurred my vision, but I could still make out the green of his eyes. He was trying to keep his lids open. “Stay with me, okay?”

But this wasn’t over. Julian still had a gun. The hair on my neck stood on end. Petrified, I dared a glance up at Julian.

He was feet away, banging the gun against his forehead. “No, no, no!”

Nate coughed, and I applied more pressure to the wound. “Don’t die, I sobbed. “Please!” Nate blinked slowly up at me. He opened his mouth and tried to say something, but the garbled sounds of blood gurgling in his throat overtook his words.

My sobs shook my body like an earthquake, making it harder to keep pressure on his weakening chest.

“You weren’t supposed to move, damn you!” Julian paced the floor, cursing under his breath.

“Julian, please. Call nine-one-one. You have to help him!” Nate’s warm blood oozed through my fingers.

He pointed the barrel of the gun in my face within seconds. “Don’t talk to me!” he shouted. “This is your fault! He was my brother! You were supposed to die! You!”

He was right. I was. “I know.” I nodded. “I’m so sorry. Please.” My voice shook with fear, anger, and hatred for myself. “Please call for an ambulance and then . . . I paused, glancing down at my dying love, and then back at Julian. “And then you can kill me.” I felt Nate’s weak grip on my leg.

I cried looking at his fearful face. “Don’t die,” I whispered. “Please.”

“You never loved me.” Julian’s nostrils flared. “I was never the one you wanted.” His hand trembled and his finger danced around the trigger again.

“Please, Julian,” I pleaded. “Call for help. If you do that, you can kill me. Just please, for your brother, call for help.”

Nate coughed one more time, but the way the blood spurted from his mouth told me it was his last time. His eyes fluttered closed and he lost consciousness.

“No, no, no!” I pounded on his chest. I wanted to give him CPR, but all I could do was swim in my own thoughts. This was all my fault.

Guilt.

Remorse.

Sorrow.

Each emotion crashed into me like a bullet from Julian's gun.

“No!” Julian held the gun in my direction. “You made me kill my brother, and now you need to pay for that.”

I nodded. There was nothing left for me. If Nate died, this world would be as empty as I felt right now. This had been my fault from the very beginning. I closed my eyes, my hands clutching Nate, anticipating when the bullet would enter my body. When I would no longer be able to hold the pressure on his still chest. When his heart would stop beating under my palms.

“Uncle Julian?” Caleb’s small voice echoed from the doorway. My eyes flew open, and I gasped for air. “Is my dad dead?” With wide, frightened eyes, he looked over at me, and then at the gun Julian was waving.

Julian pulled his gaze away from the boy and glared at me with a piercing stare. “This is all because of you.”

I couldn’t move.

I couldn’t breathe.

Not Caleb. He was only a child.

He turned the gun away from me, toward Caleb. I couldn’t speak, I could only reach out as if that would help. Then slowly, Julian’s hand lifted higher and higher until the gun was shoved in his mouth.

“Juli—” I didn’t even get a chance to shout his name before he pulled the trigger and collapsed to the floor.

“No!” I screamed.

Caleb stood paralyzed, his small hands shaking at his sides, tears streaming down his face.

“Caleb, sweetie.” I swallowed back the sob that wanted to escape. This little boy was the only one who could help us now. His face grew paler by the second, but I needed him.

So I lied.

“It’s going to be okay. Can you grab the phone and give it to me? Please, honey.” I tried to calm my high-pitched voice. I could still feel Nate’s heart beating. It was faint, but it was still there. I hoped there was a chance to save his life.

“Is he . . .” Caleb asked. He took a step further, his little eyes stuck on Julian’s limp body.

“Don’t look,” I said when he moved closer to Julian. “I can feel your dad's heartbeat, but we need to call nine-one-one. Do you think you can do that for me?”

He nodded and ran to Nate’s computer desk. Dialing the emergency number, he placed the phone on speaker and held it up for me.

“Nine-one-one, what’s your emergency?”

“There been a shooting. We need an ambulance.” I waited as the operator tracked where we were.

I looked over at Caleb. “It will be okay,” I reassured him, yet the way my heart pinched, I wasn't so sure I believed it myself. “Help is on the way.” I looked down at Nate. The color in his cheeks faded as blood drained out of his body.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “This is all my fault. Please don’t die.”

“Aunt B, I’m scared.” Caleb kneeled next to his father.

“I know. Me, too. But help is coming. Your dad will be fine.”

My biggest lie yet.

Our lives would never be the same.

CHAPTER 35

THE WORLD around me spun until I didn't know which way I was heading. All I knew was that I'd been adding pressure to Nate's wound. The paramedics arrived and rushed us to the emergency room. Waves of people passed me. I was incoherent to it all.

I stood in the sterile room. My eyes closed as I heard it all.

“His BP is dropping!”

“We have a 34-year-old male GSW to the chest.”

“He's going into cardiac arrest.”

“Starting CPR.”

“He’s in V-Fib.

“Paddles.”

“Charge to two hundred.”

“Clear!”

“Charge to three hundred.”

“Clear!”

Beep Beep. Beep.

“We need to get him into an OR.”

Doctors shouted at each other and I hugged Caleb, his head buried in my chest as I shielded him from the sight of his dad.

“Ma'am,” a young doctor said. “We're taking him up to surgery. Are you his next of kin?”

“No.” I shook my head. “His wife's at work.”

The female doctor shook her head sympathetically. Her eyes scanned my body and hands. They were drenched in his blood. “Because this is a gunshot wound, you will need to speak to the police officers and explain what happened. They have to open an investigation.”

“I understand.”

“I’ll get you something to change into.”

“Can I wait until his mother comes?” I held on to Caleb. “I don't want to leave the boy alone.” I pleaded. “Can I speak to the police after she’s arrived?”

“Of course.”

A nurse appeared and gave me a pair of scrubs, directed us to the waiting area, and said someone would be out with an update. I sat with Caleb in the waiting room; his glare was locked on the pale green wall. He hadn't said a word to me. He hadn’t spoken since I told him everything would be fine.

I closed my eyes and silently prayed for Nate.

“Caleb!” Delaney's voice ricocheted from down the hall. We’d been sitting there for an hour before she arrived. Her footsteps stomped across the floor as she hurriedly approached us.

“Caleb?” she said again. Caleb rushed to his mother and she hugged him tightly. “Oh, my baby. I was so worried.” She held his shoulders and examined him. “Are you okay?” Caleb nodded. Delaney held tightly to him and looked up at me. “What the hell happened?”

I sat back in the chair and dropped my head. My palms were still tinted with Nate’s blood. “Julian is dead.” Delaney gasped. “He's downstairs in the morgue with the coroner.” I ran my hands through my hair as the image of a black bag being placed over him refused to leave my memory. ”Julian and I fought last night. He was back to his old Julian self.” I pointed to the bruise on my cheek. “I told him I wanted a divorce; that I couldn't do this anymore. And then I kicked him out of the house.” When I came home from work I decided I should tell Nate what was going on, and we went into his office to talk privately.” I glanced at Caleb. Julian must've been in the apartment. He came looking for me but he was disoriented, drunk, slurring his words and he pulled out a gun. He wanted to shoot me, not Nate.” I cried and looked up at Delaney. Tears dripped down her face.

“But Julian’s dead?” Delaney asked.

I nodded. My lower lip trembled. “Caleb walked in. Nate lost consciousness and Julian turned the gun on himself.

“Mrs. Wright?” A nurse walked into the waiting room. “We have an update on your husband.” She looked over at me.

“He’s my husband.” Delaney corrected her.

“I’m sorry.” The nurse apologized. “Your husband is stable for now, Dr. Ororke is operating on him now. As soon as we know something more, I’ll notify you.

“Thank you.” Delaney nodded and turned to hug Caleb.

It was the longest eight hours until Nate was out of surgery. Delaney paced the waiting room. I spoke with the police officers and left a voicemail for Louisa. When Nate was in recovery and we thought there was hope after all, the floor was ripped out from underneath us.

Delaney and I approached the ICU room where Nate was delivered after his surgery. It was late at night and Caleb was asleep with Delaney’s mother. We held hands as we walked further into the room. Delaney whimpered quietly while my heart broke in pieces. Tubes came from his mouth, machines beeped around him. I stood back and gave Delaney her time with him. I hated that she had that. Even then, while he was hanging on, I wanted more from him. Unable to control my emotions, I turned my back and cried silently.

An erratic beeping noise startled me. I spun back to face Delaney. Her hand covered her mouth as she sobbed. A slew of doctors and nurses rushed in.

“He’s crashing!” someone shouted.

A nurse shoved Delaney out of the way.

“What do we have?” a doctor called out. Unable to move, I held on to Delaney.

“GSW to his chest, it grazed his Aortic. We had to bypass in two circuits. His pulse dropped and he’s in cardiac arrest.”

“Okay. Get them out of here.” The doctor pointed to us.

Delaney fought to stay in the room, but in the end we were shoved out.

“It’s okay,” I cried. “He’ll be okay.” I nodded, needing to reassure myself more than her.

“This is all your fault!” she screamed. “Ever since you showed up at our damn door.” She covered her face with her hands. “We were happy!”

“Del.”

She didn’t speak to me. She simply shook her head and stormed away.

I was alone.

Utterly alone.

“This urn is brass.” Donna, the funeral director, held it up for us to see. “It looks beautiful on a mantel.”

It had been two days since the shooting, and we were already discussing funeral arrangements. I wanted to sit in a room and cry, but Louisa and Warren flew home once they got the news. We all agreed that a quiet funeral was best. There was no reason to open it up to anyone else.

My head pounded, but I tried to keep my composure around Louisa. I needed to be strong for her, especially when she had no idea what happened between Nate and Julian. No one did. I was the only one who knew the entire tragic scene. It was all my fault.

Delaney’s eyes were puffy and red from crying. Neither of us had slept much in the past few days. She had spent most the time crying and ignoring me. I was to blame for all of this. I was the reason Caleb was medicated. I was the reason we were selecting an urn at a funeral home that smelled like old stale clothes.

I rested my hand on Louisa's thigh, and she looked at me with sad eyes. Her nose was still pink, but the Xanax she took had finally kicked in. “Brielle, what do you think?”

“Whatever you decide is fine with me.”

“We have a wooden urn or a marble one,” Donna said when there was a long pause. “Or there is always the option of a burial.”

I bowed my head. I couldn’t picture Julian laying in a casket with half of his head missing.

“We want it to be a cremation,” Delaney said when the words wouldn't leave my mouth.

“This is fine.” I leaned forward and touched the brass one. “We'll take it.”

Donna nodded and handed us a few more papers to sign. When we finished, Louisa pushed off the plush chair and walked out of the funeral home. Delaney's arm was laced with hers as she helped her into my car. I rested against the trunk while I waited.

“Do you think we should check her into a psychiatric ward?” Delaney whispered as she walked toward the back of the car.

I shook my head slowly and shrugged. “No, I think she needs some time to process what happened. It can’t be easy for her.” I shifted my weight from one foot to the other. “How’s Caleb?”

“Better today.” She pulled her gaze away from mine. Digging in her purse, she pulled out her car keys.

“Good.”

“How are you?” She dangled her keys from one finger.

“Just peachy.”

“Are you ready for the wake?”

“I don't think so.” She leaned forward and rested a gentle hand on my shoulder. “I'm going to the hospital to check on Nate. See if he’s awake.”

The sound of his name hurt. I hadn’t seen him since they rushed him into surgery. I nodded, and my gaze landed on the gravel ahead. I wanted to see him. I wanted to be there, holding his hand, hoping he would wake up. But I wasn't his wife. That was her responsibility.

“I'll see you soon,” Delaney said and walked away.

I got in my car and drove Louisa home. The ride was silent until we were a few miles away from the house. I'd stopped at a red light when Louisa covered her face. Sobbing, she asked, “Please, Brielle, tell me what happened between them?”

I couldn’t tell her the truth because it would tarnish any good memory she had of her sons. Julian had gone there to kill me, and instead, Nate almost died.

I swallowed and reached across the console to take her hand in mine. “It was a misunderstanding.” My voice broke.

“It doesn’t make any sense. The medical examiner said he was drunk and high on cocaine.” She paused and gasped for air. “Julian was never like this before. What happened?”

I happened.

I managed to ruin the lives of the ones I loved most.

CHAPTER 36

BRIELLE

The floral scent at the funeral home caused my skin to crawl. Never again would I look at flowers the same. With the tragedy of Julian’s death, we decided it would be best to hold a small service for immediate friends and family only. Louisa had pasted together boards displaying photographs of Julian and Nate throughout the room. They looked so happy in them. Brothers through it all until I came along.

I nodded politely and accepted condolences, but I wasn’t devastated. I didn’t wish this for Julian, but I was finally free.

From across the room, I spotted Delaney, who smiled and hugged a few of Nate’s co-workers. She had been very tightlipped about Nate’s condition and had enforced a visitor’s restriction where only she and Louisa could see him.

“How are you?” Warren’s voice pulled me out of a trance.

“I feel numb,” I answered honestly.

“Would you rather feel pain?”

“No, but I should feel sadness. I’m a widow.”

Warren suggested we sit. “Brie.” He turned on his chair. “Julian was a son to me. I gladly adopted him and Nate when I married Louisa, but even when he was a kid he had anger issues Louisa never wanted to admit. She felt she was to blame. That he was acting out. We got him counseling, and it helped a lot when he was away at college. We thought he’d grown out of it. But what he was doing to you, you didn’t deserve.”

Taken aback, I stared at him dumbfounded. “You knew?”

“Not until I saw your face. I suspected it but I didn’t know for sure. Not to mention, you don’t seem like the grieving widow.” I wiped away a tear. “I’m sorry we weren’t there to help him sooner.”

“There’s no need to apologize. I never asked for help. How would you two even know?”

Warren sighed and cupped my hand with his. “Louisa will grieve him differently. He was her blood. But you shouldn’t feel guilty. You suffered tremendously while you were with him. I can tell because you’re not the same girl I met ten years ago.”

I cried, unable to hold it in anymore. I did feel guilty. If he’d landed his shot, I’d probably be the one dead and Nate and Julian would be okay.

“You get your life back.” Warren grinned softly. “And that’s a good thing.”

“I don’t know what’s next for me.” I shook my head. “I’m living one day at a time.”

“I know. And the answers will unfold, as they need to. But for now, take it one step at a time.”

Delaney held the gathering after the service at her house. She informed the guests that Caleb would stay in his room. I knew she did that to protect him from inquisitive eyes. I couldn’t go back to that house, though. There wasn’t a bedroom for me to hide in. Instead, I drove to the hospital.

I sat outside the nurse’s station for a few hours. My heart ached, and I didn’t know what the future held for me. I couldn’t stay in Charlotte anymore. This wasn’t my home, but I also didn’t know what Nate wanted. Only the possibility of a future with him kept me here. At seven in the evening, the night shift nurses took over, so a new unfamiliar face sat at the desk. Delaney would be home entertaining and I could potentially sneak in to see Nate. Slowly, I approached her with a smile.

“Hi.” I paused and waited for her to look up at me. “I’m here to see Nathaniel Wright.” She reached for the paperwork, and I slid my license toward her as proof, not that she required it. “I’m his wife,” I lied. Since Nate had been unconscious in the ICU since his surgery, the only one allowed to visit him was his next of kin. In this case Delaney. It was my only chance. We shared the same last name, same address.

She scanned the identification and smiled. “Of course, Mrs. Wright.” She handed it back to me along with a visitor’s pass.

When I rounded the corner, I sighed with relief. I’d get to see him. Even if it was only for a few minutes.

My legs felt like Jell-O with each step I took. The sterile scent of the hospital vanished when I stepped inside his room. It was filled with colorful bouquets from his closest friends.

“Hi,” I whispered and sat on the chair next to him. My hand gripped his, and gently I kissed his knuckles. “I’m so sorry this happened to you.” A scruff had begun to grow on his face. “We buried Julian today. It was a small service. Your mom seems to be doing better, and Delaney says the doctors have faith you’ll wake up any day now.” I sniffled.

“Nate, I need you to live, okay? I need you to wake up. I can’t live in a world where you don’t exist. I can’t live without you—not anymore. For ten years I hated you, but the last few months have been everything I ever wanted from you. I want a life with you, Nate. So you have to live. You have to be okay.” I kissed the back of his hand and stood.

Walking out of his room, I was greeted by Delaney. Her arms were crossed over her chest, and her lips were pursed with anger. “Of course you’d sneak off to come visit him.”

“I can explain—”

“Explain what? Explain that you’ve been fucking my husband behind my back since you got here?” I took a step back. “Did you really think that when they cleaned up his office, they wouldn’t give me your phone records that were tossed on the floor? That’s why Julian went in there. He would have never shot his brother. You were the one he was trying to get rid of.” She took a step forward. The devil was in her eyes.

“I thought I got rid of you years ago. You weren’t supposed to come back. He was supposed to forget you.”

“Y-You’ve known?”

“I was eight months pregnant when Nate came home inebriated. He crawled into bed with me, oblivious to it all, and told me how much he missed you. How he regretted every day that he didn’t go after you,” she spat.

“You were pregnant with Austin’s kid,” I bit back. “You trapped Nate for ten years because Austin didn’t want anything to do with you. And I know you were planning to do it again because Austin’s back in town and he’s looking to meet his son.”

“You’re crazy!” She threw her hands up. “Caleb—”

“Looks identical to Austin.”

“Why don’t you tell Nate that? Tell him that the son he’s been raising as his own isn’t his. Don’t you think you’ve done enough damage around here? Your husband killed himself because of you, and now you want to take mine, too! You ruined your mother’s marriage, you ruined Julian’s life, and Nate is unconscious because of you. Don’t you see the common denominator in it all, Brielle? It’s you.”

“Fuck you.”

“Don’t you think if Nate really wanted to be with you, he would be? You’re an old flame that will die out eventually. We were going through a lull when you arrived. Marriages go through lulls all the time. But I’m his wife. He won’t turn his back on his family for a home wrecker.”

Her words were like venom, but I knew they held some truth. Nate would never turn his back on Caleb.

“Mrs. Wright?” a nurse said from behind me. Delaney and I both turned to face her. “Your husband is awake and asking for you.”

Delaney brushed past me, her shoulder colliding with mine. “He’s asking for his wife, not his whore.” Delaney paused right before she stepped inside his room. “Why don’t you do us all a favor and disappear again?”

Broken, I turned away from her and left. Delaney was a heartless bitch, but she was right about one thing.

I’d done enough damage.

I arrived home to a cold, empty apartment. Julian’s scent lingered in the brisk air. Aimlessly, I walked through the rooms. My mind wouldn’t turn off. I’d ruined it all for all of them. There was nothing left here for me. My husband was gone, and the man I loved was married with a child.

Walking to the junk drawer, I pulled out a pen and paper. It was time to say good-bye. I didn’t want to risk Delaney finding it and deleting it.

Dear Nate,

Almost eleven years ago, you took my parking spot. Eleven years later, you took a bullet for me. I sit here and wonder how different your life would be had I arrived to class early that morning and beaten you to the spot. There wouldn’t be any half kisses, nor would there be a nasty affair. Julian would still be here, and none of the sadness and heartache would have happened.

I’m heading back home. There’s no reason for me to be here anymore. I came here with one mission, and that was to help Julian, but instead, I made it worse. I stood by your mother as she placed his ashes in an urn, and I couldn’t stop the guilt that weighed on my heart.

You and Delaney were happy before I arrived, and I hope you find that happiness again once I’m gone.

I’m sorry I didn’t get to say good-bye, but I need to live for me. I need to go out in the world and be the person I’ve always wanted to be. I need to find what brings me joy.

I will cherish every second I spent with you. I will love you all the days of my life. Maybe in another lifetime we will bump into each other again.

With all my love,

Brie.

I folded the piece of paper, slid it into an envelope, and walked over to Nate’s house. Louisa and Warren sat with Caleb at the kitchen table. Smiles were plastered on all their faces.

“Nate’s awake,” Louisa announced blissfully.

“I heard.”

“We’re headed to the hospital now. Would you like to come with us?” Warren invited.

“I actually have to do a few things here for Delaney, and then I’ll head over,” I lied. I planned to be long gone before they ever got back. Walking over to Louisa, I leaned over and hugged her. “I’m truly sorry about Julian,” I whispered into her hair. Releasing her, I scurried to Caleb. “You are such a strong, brave young man, Caleb.” My voice cracked. I leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek. “Don’t ever change.”

I stood and looked over at Warren. He nodded in my direction as though he knew I was saying good-bye. I nodded back and walked toward Nate’s office. When I pushed the door open, it looked as though nothing ever happened. As if Julian’s suicide ceased to exist.

Walking over to Nate’s desk, I slid the envelope in Caleb’s workbook. I hesitated for a second when there was a tap on the door. My head snapped up and I was greeted with Warren. He was leaning on the frame of the door.

“Something I can help you with?” His voice was low.

I pressed the envelope to my chest. If I left it in the workbook Delaney could find it. I sighed and walked over to Warren. “Can you please make sure Nate gets this?” My lips quivered as tears threatened to fall. “Wait till he’s home . . . and alone.”

“Of course.” He folded the letter and shoved it in his back pocket. “You’re not going to the hospital, are you?”

“No.” I whimpered. “It’s better for me to leave now. I want everyone focused on Nate getting better, not me leaving. Besides, there’s nothing left for me here. This isn’t my home. I don’t belong here.”

Warren took a step toward me and opened his arms. I hugged him tightly as I cried into his chest. He was the father I desperately needed in that moment. “Remember that home is where love is,” he whispered.

I pulled back and wiped my face. “Thank you for everything.”

A small grin grew on his face and pushed up his crow’s feet. “You were always my favorite daughter. Please stay in touch.”

I nodded.

“Warren?” Louisa called from the kitchen.

He leaned forward and placed a chaste kiss on my cheek. I’ll see you soon.

Once he left I turned back and glanced one last time at Nate’s office. “I’ll see you soon.” It was less painful than saying good-bye.

My feet dragged out of the office and toward the kitchen. When I was walking up the stairs toward the apartment, I pulled out my cell phone and dialed Yve.

“Helllllooo,” she sang. Yve was completely oblivious to what had happened.

“Hey.” I jogged to the closet where my suitcases were. “I’ll be there soon.”

“What?”

“Oh, Yve, I’ve made a mess of everything.” I dropped to my knees and cried.

“Brie . . . I’m thrilled, but I don’t understand why?”

“Julian’s dead. I’m coming home.”

CHAPTER 37

NATHANIEL

Beep.

My throat ached and my mouth was dry. My body felt heavy, and it was difficult to open my eyes.

Beep.

Inhaling slowly, I gathered my thoughts. Julian found us. He had his gun aimed at Brielle. I dove to protect her, but the room went dark and I felt weak.

Beep.

My vision came into focus. I was in a hospital room. I opened my mouth to speak, but I felt the tube. Trying not to gag, I located the nurse call button and pressed it with the little strength I had.

A moment later, a nurse popped in.  “Mr. Wright, I'm glad to see you're awake.” She walked to the bed and slowly pulled out the tube. “I'm Susan. Is there anything I can get you?” Her hand gripped my wrist as she checked my pulse.

“Water,” I mouthed to her.

She smiled and grabbed a pink cup with a straw. “Your throat will be a little sore, but I’m sure we can give you something for that. I’ll let the doctor know that you're awake.”

“Brielle,” I managed to say after the cold water soothed my throat.

“She's right outside the room. I'll call her right in.”

I closed my eyes again.

“Nate!” I opened my eyes as Delaney rushed to my side. “Oh, baby . . .”

A wave of disappointment washed over me. Brielle wasn't with her. “Where’s—”

“Caleb's fine. He's home with your parents.” Delaney brushed her hand through my hair.

I meant to ask for Brielle.

Delaney pulled out her cell. “I'm going to call home. I know Caleb will be very excited to see you.”

“Del?” She looked up from her phone and at me. “Julian? What happened?”

She slid both of her lips between her teeth and sighed. “I'm sorry, Nate. Your brother ended his own life.”

I couldn't remember anything after I pushed Brielle out of the way. “And Brielle?” I managed to ask.

Delaney rubbed the palm of her hand along my cheek. “She’s home, but why don't you worry about getting better?”

I dropped the subject.

My parents and Caleb arrived shortly after Delaney called them. All were excited to see me doing so well. I kept waiting for Brielle to arrive. Surely she'd come and say hello. But there was no word from her.

“Mom,” Caleb said, and the room grew silent. He was lying on the bed watching television with me.

“Yes?” Delaney pulled her gaze away from her phone.

“I'm hungry.”

“The cafeteria is open until eleven,” my mother added.

“Come on.” Delaney stood. “Let’s go grab you something.”

Caleb hopped off the bed, and coiled his hands with Delaney’s. My mother stood. “I’m going to grab something, too. Do you want anything?”

I shook my head.

As they walked out, Warren came in with some ice chips for me. His head was lowered and he avoided my eyes.

“Warren?” I said when it was only the two of us. “Are you okay?”

He sighed and sat at the edge of the bed. “I’m between a rock and a hard place.”

“I’m sorry about Julian.”

“It’s not your fault. And just like I told Brielle, it’s not her fault, either.”

I sat higher on the bed. “Is she okay? Did he hurt her?” This was the first time anyone had said anything to me about her.

Warren dug in his back pocket and pulled out a folded envelope. “She’s gone home.”

My heart sank.

“She asked me to give you this. I was going to wait until you were home, but I noticed you keep looking at that door waiting for her to arrive. She’s not coming, son.”

I reached for the crisp white envelope and peeled back the folds. I didn’t need to read the letter to know why she left. Maybe in a different lifetime, she said.

But she was wrong.

I would be with her in this lifetime.

Four days later I was discharged.

My parents had returned to Ecuador, Caleb had returned to school, and it was the first time Delaney and I were alone. She’d been sweeter than usual, loving even to both Caleb and myself. She acted surprised when we arrived home and found the garage apartment empty, but I’d been married to her for ten years. I knew when she was lying.

I was in the kitchen eating breakfast when Delaney walked in freshly showered and ready for her day. “I have to run a few errands. Maybe we can pick up Caleb from school and have lunch—”

“Can you sit down?” I interjected. “We need to talk.”

Delaney pulled the wooden chair back and sat across from me. Cracking my knuckles, I sighed. “I want a divorce.”

“What?” Her eyebrows pinched together.

“I’m sorry, but I don’t want to keep living like this anymore. I think it would be better if we part ways.”

“So you can run after her?”

I wasn’t shocked that she knew. I’d assumed as much.

“You’d throw your family away for some whore?”

“Del . . .” I kept my voice steady. “For ten years I’ve been by your side and have given you everything you’ve ever wanted, but I’ve never been truly happy. And I won’t deny that I love Brielle. I always have. The only reason I didn’t go after her was because you were pregnant.”

She crossed her arms over her chest. “I knew you two were fucking around in college.”

“And clearly, you were fucking Austin,” I stated matter-of-factly.

“You son of a bitch.”

“I’m not stupid, Delaney. But regardless, I made you an honest woman and took care of my family. Caleb will always be my son. I just don’t want to be married to you anymore.”

She slammed her hands on the table. “If you think for a second I’ll sign papers so you can run away with Brielle, you’re out of your fucking mind.”

“Delaney, I’m trying to make this as easy as possible.”

“Fuck you. Lawyer up, because I want full custody of my son.” She yanked her purse off the counter and stormed out of the house.

At least I was one step closer to being with Brielle.

EPILOGUE

BRIELLE

HAPPILY-EVER-AFTERS were indeed for pussies. I read that once and believed it to be true.

I never imagined my story would get a happy ending. How could it? It wasn't in the cards for me. I believed God gave me a crappy father, so I never expected anything great from any other man in my life. I learned to accept that on my twelve-hour car ride.

I was thirty-one years old and a widow. My abusive husband shot himself in front of me. The man I loved had a family. Fuck happily-ever-afters. Happily-ever-afters were for pussies.

The guy doesn’t always get the girl. Sometimes the girl packs her shit, stands on her own two feet, and decides she wants to conquer whatever the world throws at her.

But as sad as it seemed, I was finally happy. There was no longer anything holding me back. There was no one to respond to. If I wanted to pick up and leave, I could do that. I had no one to answer to but myself.

But it also meant I was alone.

I packed up my belongings, left the key on the counter and never looked back. It took me two days to get home. The moment I was on the highway, I called Yve.

“About damn time!” Yve barked. “I’ve been going freaking crazy over here! What the fuck, Brie? You tell me Julian is dead and then hang up? Mother hell,” she mumbled under her breath. “You didn’t . . . Did you? I can be your alibi if you need me.”

“No, I didn’t kill him. He found out about me and Nate and tried to shoot me, but instead, he shot Nate and then killed himself.” I said it all in one breath.

“Fuck! Shit! Are you serious?” I waited as the phone went silent. “Wait? You and Nate?”

“Yeah.” I wiped the tears from my face. “It’s been one bad decision after another.”

“Okay, I have tequila. And we have plenty of time to talk.”

I sniffled. “I’m the most fucked up person.” I began to tell her how Nate and I started our affair. Every kiss, glance, touch—I didn’t spare any details.

“Sweet baby Jesus, mother of Pearl,” Yve said once I finished. “I don’t know what to say.”

“Me neither. I need a drink.”

“That sounds like a smart plan.”

“I think I’ll stop for the night once I hit the six-hour mark. I’ll be home tomorrow morning. Actually, I don’t even know if I have a home. Clearly, I didn’t think this through.” I cracked my neck.

“Don’t worry about it, Brie. Everything always works itself out.”

After six hours of driving, I stopped at a hotel near Lexington for the night and made my way down to the lobby bar. I figured drinking the pain away would be better than sitting in a empty hotel room by myself. I was wrong.

My mind wouldn’t stop replaying the past eleven years of my life. The happiness, the sadness, the heartache. Everything crashed into me.

Pulling into my driveway, I glanced up at our condominium. To my surprise, there was no eviction notice on the door. A familiar car pulled in behind me. Yve hopped out and ran toward my driver side door. I had sent her a text message when I was ten minutes away. I stepped out of the car and she greeted me with her warm embrace.

“Welcome home, my friend.”

“It's good to see you, Yve, but I don't know if it's good to be home.”

“Come on.” She held my hand and led me to the front door.

When I opened the door and flicked on the lights, everything was as I left it. A cold shiver ran up my spine, as if Julian's ghost lingered.

“Nothing has changed.”

“Yeah.” Yve, shrugged. “I came by last night after you called. Made sure to clean out and restock your fridge.” She walked over to the piles of bills on the kitchen table. “I know it's a federal offense to open someone's mail, but it looks like you don't have anything past due.”

“Really?” That surprised me. I dashed to the kitchen table and dug through the envelopes. I opened the light bill. It had been paid the first of the month. It was the same with the gas, water, and the property taxes. I pulled out a chair and sat, my forehead rested on my forearms. “He'd been paying all of it.”

“Brie.” Yve patted my hair.

“I fucked everything up by going to Charlotte,” I cried. “Maybe he would’ve changed if I’d just talked to him.”

The chair next to me squeaked. “Here's the problem with women. The second something goes wrong, we think it's our fault. We’re so quick to take the blame. How many times did he hit you? How many bruises did you have to cover up? How many times did you fear for your life? Better yet, how many times did you beg him to change? After every fight, he apologized.”

I looked up, my eyes soaked with tears. She was right.

“Brie, he had a gun pointed at you. He tried to kill you.” She stretched her hand out for mine. “Don't let the fact he paid the bills break you. Don't weep, because he wasn’t a good man. A husband is supposed to empower his wife. Every time he placed his hands on you, he broke a piece of you. Julian brought this upon himself, and you have nothing to feel guilty about.”

I sighed. “When did you get so smart?”

She smirked. “I've been reading a lot since you've been gone.”

I smiled weakly and lowered my head to the table. “I think I need to figure out what I'm going to do with my life.”

“What do you have a mind?”

I lifted my head to look at Yve. “I don't know, but it's not this.” Massaging my scalp, I ran my hands through my hair. “Warren told me that home is where love is. This isn't my home.”

“You can always come back to work.”

“I'll probably take you up on that offer, but I need to get out of this place.”

“You can move in with me.”

A grin grew on my face. “That sound like a brilliant idea.”

“So, do you miss Nate?”

I sighed. “Every second. I think this time it hurts more. Before the whole chaos with Julian, I told him I asked Julian for a divorce and that I wanted to be with him. He said he was going to leave her. For those few seconds, we were together.”

Yve stood and walked over to her purse. Pulling out a liter of tequila, she placed it on the table.

“You just walk around carrying tequila in your purse?” I laughed.

“I figured you’d need to drown your sorrows. I’d suggest a giant cock to ease your pain, but you don’t look like that type of girl.” She walked over to the cupboards, pulled out two glasses, and then handed one to me. “To the bastards we love, the ones we lost, and the ones we could never forget. Salut.” She raised her glass.

I brought my glass to my lips and swallowed the agave infused alcohol. Yve was right. I needed to drink my sorrow for a few more days.

Five days after Yve and I drank all the alcohol our livers could consume, I managed to get my life somewhat situated. There was still no call, email or text from Nate. My heart ached, but I refused to let my heart be ripped open once more.

I went through Julian’s bills and his savings. To my surprise, he left me with a lot more money than I was aware of. I cringed at first, not wanting to do anything with it since I didn’t have any idea how he earned it, but Yve reminded me that I needed cash to pay rent.

So I took the money.

The following Saturday, I was packing the remainder of the house. I’d located a realtor to list the condo, and eventually all this would be behind me. I’d been staying with Yve since I arrived home, and every night after work I returned and packed up a room. There were boxes for donations, legal documents I needed to store, and my own personal crap I needed to pack.

It was a cool autumn day, and unfortunately, the heavy rain that always reminded me of me and Nate at Lake Norman hadn’t let up for my move. My cell phone rang in my back pocket and I juggled carrying a box and attempting to answer my cell.

“Hello,” I muffled.

“Are you almost here?” Yve asked in her most innocent voice.

Holding the phone between my ear and shoulder, I opened the door. “I’m leaving now, why? Do you need me to pick up something?”

“Uh . . .” She paused and I heard loud breathing. “Can you take the long way?”

I scoffed. “Are you having sex?” I barked into the phone as I slammed the front door shut.

Yve giggled into the phone. “There’ll be a sock on the door.” She laughed and hung up the phone.

My mind was so focused on my promiscuous roommate that I didn't spot him until I was down the four steps. I stopped abruptly, and the box I was carrying slipped to the ground. Paint splattered over the concrete sidewalk.

Nate was drenched from the rain. Once I gathered my equilibrium, I ran toward him. “You’re soaking wet,” I muttered. Crying, I threw my hands around his neck and he grunted with pain. “What are you doing here?”

He pulled back and his hand brushed away my tears. “Ten years ago, I let you walk out of my life. I didn't follow you then, but I'm not making the same mistake again.” His lips captured mine, and any chill I’d felt left my body.

Pulling away breathlessly, I whispered against his lips, “We’re going to get sick.”

He chuckled and led me toward a car. He held open the passenger door and walked around toward the driver’s side. When he sat back, I leaped forward.

“You came all this way?” I kissed his cheek.

“I’d go to the moon for you.” He grasped my hand and kissed the back of it. “I’m sorry I took so long to get here.” He paused and inhaled slowly. “I needed to serve Delaney with divorce papers first.” He licked his lips and smiled up at me. “You make everything right. I can't live without you, Brielle. I refuse to live without you. I may be ten years too late, but I'm coming after you.”

“I love you,” I whispered.

“I love you more.” Nate placed a half kiss on my lips.

“How did you get here?”

“I flew. When I didn’t see you at the hospital, I knew something was wrong. He paused. “I’m so sorry about Julian, Brie.”

“I’m sorry. He was your brother.”

He kissed my lips once more. “I want you to know that I asked Delaney for a divorce. After Warren gave me your letter and I knew you were gone, I had to come after you. It's been a long time coming.”

“And Caleb?”

Nate’s fingers slid down my cheek. “Do you think there's room in your heart for him?” I nodded. “Even though he's not mine?”

I gasped. “You know?”

“Since the day he was born.” He shrugged. “But I was married, and you were with Julian, and he was a child in need of a father. Even though I'm not his biological father, it doesn't make him any less my son.” My heart doubled in size with every word he spoke. “Austin has filed for custody, and that will be a headache, but we’ll deal with it.”

“You knew it was Austin?”

“It didn’t take much to put it together. Caleb looks a lot like him, and there were rumors after Delaney got pregnant that she slept with him. But I thought it was a rumor.” Nate kissed my lips once more. “I want to put this all behind us. I want you for me—always.”

I hugged him. “I never want to lose you.”

“You never will. We can run into the sunset together.”

I chuckled. “Is that your big plan?”

“Yes. When I kiss you, you’ll kick your feet up and we will hold hands as we run toward the sunset.” Nate framed my face. “Happily-ever-afters do exist. We’re living proof of that.”

Shaking my head, I tried to hide the joy on my face. I couldn’t believe we actually had a chance at making this work.

“Do you love me?” Nate quipped.

“I never knew it was possible to love a man as much as I love you.”

“How much?” Nate teased me with his lips.

“More than I can hold in my heart.”

Three months later.

According to the paternity test, Austin was indeed Caleb’s father.

With the custody battle for Caleb between Nate, Delaney, and Austin, Nate had to spend most of his time in Charlotte. It also meant that we had to travel back and forth to see one another. Sometimes we each drove six hours and met at a hotel just so we could spend the night curled in each other’s arms. We stayed hushed about our relationship until the dust settled and the judge made his final decision.

Nate had rented an apartment near his old home so he was close to Caleb. He wanted his son’s life to change as little as possible. It was hard when there was a pending divorce and a three-way custody battle, but Nate managed to juggle it all.

At first, Delaney had wanted to fight for full and sole custody. She only wanted Caleb to hurt Nate. But she quickly changed her mind when Nate and Austin joined forces. Austin’s lawyer informed the judge that she'd told him she had aborted the pregnancy, and Nate's lawyer confirmed she lied to him as well, stating she was pregnant with his child. After that, Delaney's lawyer backed down.

I never went with Nate to any court hearings. At one point in our lives Delaney and I were attached at the hips, but now we were adversaries, so I stayed away. I didn't want to add any additional fuel to the fire.

The three of them agreed to joint custody. Caleb would spend the majority of his time with Delaney, Monday through Thursday morning. She wasn’t the best mother, verbally abusive at time, but the judge decided that living in a house that had always been his home was best for Caleb. The dads would have alternating weekends Thursday afternoons to Sunday nights.

I was passed out on Yve's couch after a full day of work when Nate called me late one night.

“Hello?” I said sleepily.

“Hey,” Nate whispered into the phone. I knew from the tone of his voice something was bothering him.

“What's wrong, my love?”

“We're telling Caleb about Austin tomorrow. What the hell do I say to him? It's bad enough he blames himself for the divorce. What should I do, Brie?”

“Do you want my honest opinion?”

“Yes,” he sighed.

“Tell Caleb the truth. He's a smart kid, and he’s almost eleven. Tell him the truth from the very beginning. Tell him all of it. Tell him he's not losing you as a father. He's getting two other people in his life who love him very much.”

“Two?”

I felt the smile grow on my face. “Me, silly. His getting Austin and me.”

Nate sighed. “I wouldn't know what to do if I didn't have you around.”

“Tell me.” I stretched my arms over my head.

“I love you, Brielle.”

“And I, you, Nathaniel.”

Six months later.

The last time I left Chicago was out of fear. I was headed toward the unknown desperate for a change. And I’d been weak. Julian had destroyed the person I once was.

But this time it was different. I was different.

“I’ll be down there once you’ve set up my room,” Yve joked and hugged me again. I nodded, and she turned to Nate. “Satan,” she sighed and placed her hands on his shoulder. “You break my girl’s heart again, and I’ll break your legs. That’s a promise, not a threat.”

“Yve!” I shook my head and Nate laughed.

“I love you too, Yve.” He hugged her. “And don’t worry. The last thing I plan on doing is hurting her.”

We said good-bye to my hometown and welcomed our new adventure. All seemed right with the world.

We were getting our second chance.

Leaving my crap in the car, I rushed inside. I'd flown down for the final walk-through of the house, but Nate had painted since then and added a few new touches that I couldn't wait to see in person.

Before I reached the front door, Nate scooped me in his arms, and I squealed. I threw my head back and laughed as he opened the door to our home. He walked us through the main foyer and up the stairs.

“Wait!” I tried to kick my feet, but he held his grip and chuckled. “I want to see the backsplash in the kitchen,” I whined.

“I have something I want you to see first.” He leaned down to give me a quick kiss. At first, I thought he wanted to show me our master bedroom so we could christen it, but when Nate walked to the last bedroom, I cocked an eyebrow at him.

He balanced me with one hand and twisted the knob to the door. My giggles immediately vanished when I was greeted with the studio. A built-in bookshelf ran across one wall, empty of books. Instead, there were empty canvases, paintbrushes, and every color of paint I could ask for. On another wall was a large picture of the Bissell House.

Nate lowered me to the floor and faced me toward the easel. “Do you like?” he whispered into the crook of my neck.

“I . . . I . . . love it.” I turned back to him. “But why?”

Nate pulled an envelope from the shelf and handed it to me. “Go ahead.” He tried to hide his grin. “Open it.”

My fingers slid under the flap, and I pulled out the few sheets of paper. My eyes scanned the first page, and I flipped through the others. “This is my transcript from UNNC.”

Nate closed the gap between us. His hand framed my face, and he gave me a half kiss. “This is our second chance, but it's also your chance to follow your dream. You can sit in here and draw. You can go back to school and finish. You can major in art and be a curator.”

I threw my hands around his neck and kissed him with every fiber of my soul. “Thank you,” I whispered against his lip.

Letting go of Nate, I walked toward the bookshelf. My hand ran across the cream wood. “This is a dream come true.”

“Almost.” Nate said. He paused for a second before he uttered, “There's one more thing.”

I turned to face him and I gasped. Nate was down on one knee, in the center of the room. “Brielle, I want to spend the rest of my life making you happy. I promise to walk into the sunset with you, to make sure that every kiss we share gives you the urge to throw your leg back. I promise to give you half kisses every night before you go to sleep and to love you unconditionally all the days of my life. Will you marry me?” He held out a small black box and flipped it opened.

I felt the warm tears slide down my cheeks. I bit my lower lip to contain my smile. “Yes.” I whispered and walked toward him. “Yes!” I said and laced my arms around his neck. “Yes!” I kissed his lips tenderly.

“Tell me.” He kissed the corner of my lips.

“I love you. I always have and I always will. Even when I hated you, I loved you,” I said before our lips collided. Nate lifted me off the floor and I actually kicked my foot back. Sometimes bad things happened. But other times the world worked in mysterious ways.

Who said happily-ever-afters were overrated?

THE END.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

I’m going to make this simple and quick.

To Sassy Savvy Fabulous, Give Me Books, Okay Creation, Indie After Hours, White Hot Reads and Write Girl, thank you for all your help with Torrid Affair.

To the beta readers, test readers and anyone who read this book while I was writing it, thank you for your time and notes.

To the authors who have read Torrid Affair, thank you for the friendship.

To the bloggers, I would be nothing without you. Thank you for sharing my work.

Lastly the readers. I FUCKING LOVE YOU! Thank you for reading my books and becoming my friends. I cherish you all in my heart.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

For more information you can find me:

- @authorcallieA

- authorcallieanderson

www.callieandersonauthor.com

authorcallieanderson@gmail.com

ALSO BY CALLIE ANDERSON

Invisible Love Letter

Love is fatal; a snake that slithers into your life, poisons you with its venom, and leaves you there to die.

I swore I wouldn’t be my parents.

I swore I would stay away from the limelight.

Falling in love with a musician was definitely out of the question.

Weston Carter was all kinds of wrong for a girl like me. He was musician, a womanizer, and a first class heartbreaker.

I didn't know a love like this could exist. Our love was epic, the kind people wrote stories about. We fell into it hard, unable to control our feelings.

I set myself up for a shattered heart.

A broken life.

A fucked up love story.

Endless Love Letter

Our love had to live in the past…

The first time we met I knew.

She was perfection.

I needed to know everything about her—what made her smile, what her lips tasted like, what her body felt like under my skin…

But our love was fatal.

The purest venom that seeped through my veins and embedded deep into my soul.

Emilia was

My love.

My muse.

The woman who owned my soul.

The woman who shredded my heart to pieces.

Table of Contents

Copyright

Dedication

Blurb

Part 1

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Part 2

Chapter 22

Chapter 23

Chapter 24

Chapter 25

Chapter 26

Chapter 27

Chapter 28

Part 3

Chapter 29

Chapter 30

Chapter 31

Chapter 32

Chapter 33

Chapter 34

Chapter 35

Chapter 36

Chapter 37

Epilogue

Acknowledgments

About the Author

Also by Callie Anderson