Noble Young Adult

Jocelyn's Choice

ISBN 978-1-60592-321-5

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

Copyright 2011 Ella Jade

Cover Art by Fiona Jayde

Edited by Mary Harris

This book may not be reproduced or used in whole or in part by any existing means without written permission from the publisher. Contact Noble Romance Publishing, LLC at PO Box 467423, Atlanta, GA 31146.

This book is a work of fiction and any resemblance to persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. The characters are products of the author's imagination and used fictitiously.

Blurb

Jocelyn Andrews, a shy, awkward, high school senior, has never even been on a date until she meets Alex Jordon, the older, more experienced brother of her best friend Evan. Jocelyn falls hard for the charming player and wants to explore all of the “firsts”

that go along with young love. Alex has no problem showing her what she's been missing.

Alex is captivated by young, innocent Jocelyn and to his own surprise, only has eyes for her. One night of careless passion leads to a life-altering dilemma. Alex must head back to Yale to finish an internship, having no idea what he's left behind. Jocelyn must decide what to do on her own, forcing her to grow up much faster than she anticipated.

Reality sets in, decisions are made, and Jocelyn has to live with her choices. Alex returns home to more than he ever bargained for. Young love has never been more complicated as they deal with a teen pregnancy, social barriers, and concerned family members. Life sometimes throws a curve ball, but the unexpected isn't always bad.

Prologue

I sat on the floor in the tiny bathroom and debated whether I should reach up to the counter and check the stick I had just peed on. It had been over five minutes, more than enough time to get the results I was dreading. I’d thrown up twice since starting the test, but I was getting used to that. I had been throwing up for over two weeks now.

At first, I thought it was just the stress I felt over him leaving. It wasn’t until after he went back to Yale that I realized I was more than three weeks late.

Three weeks and two days, to be exact. I didn’t have to look at that test to know what it was going to tell me, because I already knew. My stomach did another flip just thinking about it. The July heat wasn’t helping, either. I hovered over the toilet, pulled my long hair out of the way, and emptied whatever was left in my system, which wasn’t much. I stood up and rinsed out my mouth, my gaze veering over toward the pregnancy test. My hands trembled as I slowly picked it up. I forced myself to look. I needed the confirmation.

Two pink lines . . . no shock there. I even knew exactly when it happened. The day of the week, and where we were. But, how did I let this happen? I knew the answer to that too.

Chapter One

Four Months Earlier . . . .

Evan Jordan and I had become pretty good friends during our senior year of high school. He was by far the cutest, most unattainable boy at J.C. Clarke High, and I was exceptionally shy, awkward, clumsy, and smart enough to know he was off-limits.

He’d dated several girls at our school over the years, including a brief stint with the class snob, Amanda. He finally settled into an on-again, off-again relationship with Cali, the daughter of his dad's best friend, who went to a private, all-girls school a few towns over. Today, I think they were in the on-again phase.

Evan and I were lab partners for the year. At first, I was scared to death to open my mouth, but once I got to know him, I realized he wasn’t just the typical, good-looking rich kid I’d always perceived him to be. He was smart, funny, caring, and a really good friend. After a few days, we hit it off, and I was glad to have him in my life.

Before becoming Evan’s lab partner, I'd spent most of my time alone, never really fitting in. I wasn’t very athletic, but I wasn’t a girly girl either. I was smart, but not brilliant. I came from modest means. We lived about an hour from Denver, Colorado, in a small town, in a little two-bedroom house I shared with my father, Max, the town’s Police Chief. I often referred to him as Max behind his back, a habit I picked up as a child. He worked long hours, hung out with his friends, and liked to watch an unhealthy amount of sports. Except for my part-time job at the local coffee shop, I really didn't get out much.

I used to spend most nights reading or surfing the net, but since we'd become friends, Evan had me over several nights a week. I was growing rather attached to his parents, too. He lived in a huge house with what appeared to be the perfect family. His father, Jack, was a prominent surgeon at a Denver hospital. Jack loved his family very much and catered to their every whim. They all drove really expensive cars and wore only the best designer clothes. He was married to the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen. Sarah Jordan was a fantastic wife and mother. She doted on Evan, his sister, Brenna, and their older brother, Alex.

At twenty-one, Brenna, a goddess in her own right, still lived at home. Evan often said she was still trying to find herself, but she seemed pretty content living off her daddy’s money. She’d tried college, beauty school, and now she was attending a well-known fashion academy in the city with her BFF, Julia Miller. Brenna had dated Julia’s brother, Ryan, since high school and they seemed pretty exclusive. I didn’t know Brenna well, since she spent most of her days in the city and many of her evenings out with either Ryan or Julia.

The only Jordan I’d yet to meet was Alex, but by the way everyone else around here spoke of him, he seemed pretty special. He was a straight-A student and always had been. He'd finished his undergraduate degree in three years and at the age of twenty-three had already earned his Master's in psychology. He was hanging out back East until he made a decision on what he should do next. According to Evan, Alex was struggling to decide if he should enroll in medical school to become a psychiatrist. He was Jack’s pride and joy. Apparently, he was also a pretty good baseball player and had made a name for himself at J.C. Clarke. My father had mentioned Alex's athletic abilities when I told him I was hanging out at the Jordan house. Max said how thrilled he was that I had made such impressive friends.

Whatever!

I’d never seen Alex in person, but all the pictures in the house suggested he was just as beautiful as the rest of the family. He and Brenna possessed similar features and favored Jack with their blond hair and pale skin. Evan looked more like their mother, but I could definitely see Jack in him too. I often found myself daydreaming about Alex when I was alone. How silly was that? I had become obsessed with photographs and stories of a man I’d never met.

Stalker much?

It was clear by the way Evan talked about his brother that he looked up to him. I noticed he wasn’t the only one who admired Alex. Julia seemed pretty taken by him too. I hadn’t hung with her much, but the few times we did, he was all she talked about.

Evan said they’d gone out a few times, but Alex wasn’t interested in her. It was more to please Brenna and Ryan when they went out and felt like having company. Julia was still holding out hope, but who could blame her? He was hot.

One particular day, Evan and I were at his house, and we’d been working on our lab project all afternoon, or at least I had. Evan had been texting Cali for the better part of an hour.

"Jocelyn, I have to call her. Her texts are getting too involved. I won’t be long."

"Yeah, right." I rolled my eyes.

"I won’t." He flashed me his signature grin, the smile that had most girls at our school lifting their skirts and spreading their legs for him. "I just gotta sort out the details for this weekend." They were planning an overnight trip and had to get a handle on what story they’d be telling their parents. "We'll finish, don't worry. It's only March; we still have a few more weeks anyway.

"Take your time. I’ll do my econ homework while I wait."

"Thanks, klutz." He kissed the top of my head. Klutz was his special name for me, and if anyone ever saw me in gym class, they’d know why. "Help yourself to something to drink. My mother stocked the fridge with that iced tea you like."

"Okay." I got up and walked into the immaculate kitchen. I opened the fridge and smiled, shaking my head at Sarah’s thoughtfulness. My own father probably had no idea I drank iced tea. It wasn’t Max's fault; he just wasn’t very observant when it came to me. My mother had walked out when I was two, and Max hadn’t been prepared to raise me alone. He did the best he could, but lots of things slipped through the cracks.

I grabbed the bottle and headed for the table but was startled when I saw him, standing in the doorway with a huge grin on his face.

Oh. My. God. Those pictures didn’t begin to do him justice. He was tall, muscular, and had the most brilliant green eyes I’d ever seen. His blond hair fell perfectly around his face, and for a second, I thought about running my fingers through it.

"Oh!" I screeched. "You scared me."

"Why?" He casually leaned against the doorframe, arms folded across his impressive chest. "Am I scary?"

"N-no." My cheeks started to burn. "I just didn’t expect anyone else to be here.

Evan didn’t tell me you were coming home. You’re supposed to be in Connecticut."

"You seem to have me at a disadvantage," he said, moving all the way into the kitchen and stopping just a few feet away from me.

"I do?" I didn’t know how I was managing to speak at that point.

"You know who I am." He smiled, and his teeth were so freaking white he should have been a toothpaste model.

"Your pictures are all over the house, and the rest of the family talks about you all the time."

"Really? All good, I hope."

"Very good."

"Well, brown eyes, now you’re definitely at an advantage, since you know who I am, and you claim to know all about me, and I don’t know your name."

"Oh." I smiled shakily. "I’m Jocelyn Andrews."

He extended his hand, which I awkwardly shook. It was soft and warm, and I had an incredible urge to touch more of him. "Nice to meet you, Jocelyn Andrews. I’m Alex Jordan, but you already knew that."

I nodded. I was too mesmerized to do anything else. I didn’t know what had come over me. I had never reacted this way to any guy, but then again, not many guys had paid much attention to me.

"So, where’s Evan?"

"On the phone with Cali."

"And you’re okay with that?"

"Why wouldn’t I be?" I felt like I was missing something.

"My brother leaves a beautiful woman in the kitchen while he talks on the phone to his ex-girlfriend?"

A beautiful woman? God, kill me now. He was flirting. "They’re back together again," I managed to choke out.

"Huh, I must have missed that. So, you’re not dating my brother?"

Before I could answer, Evan barreled into the kitchen and jumped on Alex’s back. Alex quickly flipped him over and pinned him to the kitchen floor, ruffling the hair that Evan always made sure had just the perfect amount of mess to it.

Evan pushed him off and quickly fixed his hair. He had an unhealthy fetish about his hair and didn't like anyone to touch it. They sprang up and gave each other a rough hug. Alex squeezed Evan’s shoulder before letting go. I got the impression he'd really missed his brother.

"What are you doing home?" Evan asked. "Yale kick you out?"

"You wish." Alex laughed as he picked an apple out of the fruit bowl and bit into it. I noticed he had the most amazing lips to go along with those white teeth. "I got that internship, the one Dad made me apply for."

"That’s great!" Evan smiled, and I figured this internship was a good thing.

"Yeah," he said, "but it doesn’t start until July, so I have to take an on-line course, and Dad arranged for me to shadow the head psychiatrist at the hospital. You’re stuck with me for four months."

"Cool!" Evan smiled, and I could tell he was really excited to have his brother home; I knew I was.

"Yeah, but you seem a little busy for me." Alex winked at me, and my heart skipped a beat. "Cali?"

"How did you know that?" Evan asked.

"My good friend, Jocelyn, told me." He took another bite of apple. I’d never been so captivated by someone eating a piece of fruit, but then again, I’d never seen Alex in person.

"Your good friend, Jocelyn?" Evan glanced at me, then at Alex. "How long have you been home?"

"Not long enough to ask Jocelyn out." Alex smiled at me.

Is he kidding? He wants to ask me out?

"She won’t go out with you," Evan answered for me.

"Why not?" Alex asked.

"You’re too old for her," he said.

"I’m twenty-three." Alex finished the apple.

That's only five years, I thought.

"You’ll be twenty-four in November," he said. "And Jocelyn knows what kind of player you are. She’s too smart for your kind."

I wanted to hit Evan, or at least tell him to shut up, but Alex did it for me. He punched Evan's arm and said, "Let Jocelyn tell me herself."

They both stared at me. Two perfectly sexy men, staring at me. Will that ever happen again?

"What?" Stupid question, but all I could manage at the time.

"Tell Alex you’re not interested in him," Evan advised.

"Jocelyn." Alex ignored his brother. "Would you like to go and get something to eat with me?"

"Um, well, Evan and I are kinda in the middle of a project." I sounded like a complete idiot, but I had never been asked out on a date before.

"Not now." He laughed and looked to Evan. "Is she always this cute?"

"Adorable." Evan rolled his eyes. I was picking up a strange vibe from him, like he didn’t want me to accept Alex’s invitation.

"My mother wants me all to herself tonight, but how about tomorrow night? Are you free?"

"Um, yeah," I said. "I’m always free."

Kill me now!

"Okay." Alex smiled. "I’ll keep that in mind."

"I just meant I’m not seeing anyone." I tried to recover. Evan snickered, and I shot him a "shut the hell up" look.

"That’s good news," he said, as he headed up the back staircase. "I’ll get your number from Evan and call you later."

"Sure." I smiled.

"It was nice meeting you, Jocelyn Andrews," he said, as he disappeared from sight.

Chapter Two

I paced the living room, waiting for Alex to pick me up. He'd called last night, just like he said he would, and asked if I wanted to go and get something to eat. I agreed, despite Evan's warnings that Alex wasn't first date material. He didn't mean going out for the first time with a guy I’d just met, but that this was my first date ever. I knew Evan was right. Alex was older, experienced, and a player. He’d dated half the town before leaving for college, but that didn't bother me. I found him incredibly cute, sexy, and charming. I knew I was out of his league, but what was the harm in going to dinner with him? It wasn't as if I had anything else to do.

"Jocelyn," Max said, "would you please sit still? I'm trying to watch the game."

"Sorry." I laughed. "I guess I'm being silly."

The doorbell rang, and I jumped. Max laughed. "You want me to get it?"

"No!" I headed to the door.

I took one second and checked myself in the hall mirror, then I took a deep breath and reached for the handle. He was already smiling when I opened the door. I didn't think it was possible, but he looked better than he had yesterday. He had on a black, long-sleeve T-shirt that hugged him in all the right places, outlining his perfectly toned chest and abs. His jeans fit him like he was a Calvin Klein model. And, Oh My God . . . worn-out cowboy boots. All he needed was a horse, and he'd be every girl's fantasy.

Giddy-up, cowboy!

"Hello." He smiled, and I noticed he allowed his eyes to briefly wander over me.

Hmm . . . he's checking me out, too.

"Hi," I shyly responded.

Alex looked over my shoulder and said, "Hello, Chief Andrews."

Max? I turned, and sure enough, he was standing behind me. Can't he cut me a break?

"Dad, this is Alex Jordan."

"Hello, Alex, it's nice to meet you." Max extended his hand. "Jocelyn tells me you're home from school for a few months."

"Yes, sir." Alex smiled. "I'm going back in July for an internship, and then I'll decide if I'm going to continue on with medical school."

"Wow, medical school, that's pretty impressive." Max looked at me; he’d been encouraging me to attend one of the out-of-state universities that had accepted me, instead of staying local.

"Are you ready, Alex?" I asked.

"Sure." He took my hand.

I was holding his hand! I just about died.

"Eleven, Jocey?" Max reminded me.

Great, I'm going out with an older man, and I have a curfew. Was that really necessary? It wasn't as if I had ever come home later than I should. I never went anywhere!

"Of course, Chief," Alex answered for me. "I'll have her back on time."

I could feel the burn on my cheeks as Alex opened the car door for me.

"Jocey?" He smiled.

"And I have a curfew. I guess you're sorry you asked a high school kid out?"

"No." He stared at me for what seemed like forever. "I think it's cute."

He got in and started the engine of his sleek, black Lexus. It looked like his father's car, but more sporty.

"Your dad's just looking out for you," he said as he sped down my street. "I'm sure I'd do the same if I ever had a daughter."

I stared at his profile and thought any child of his would be beautiful. All the Jordans were perfect, and Alex was no exception.

We went to a small restaurant a few towns over and talked more than we ate. At first, I was afraid to open my mouth, for fear I’d say something that would make me sound like an idiot, but as the evening progressed, I felt more at ease with him. He had this strange, calming effect on me. His voice was soft and soothing, and the way his green eyes sparkled when he smiled made me weak in the knees. I didn't know what was wrong with me; I’d never had this strong a reaction to anyone.

During dinner, we talked about our childhoods and what we liked to do when we were young. We traded stories about school and laughed when we realized that not much had changed in five years. Alex told me how he had wanted to play professional baseball, and how he'd gotten a full scholarship to Florida University, but when the acceptance letter came from Yale, he knew that was where his father really wanted him to go. I could tell from our brief time together that he wanted nothing more than to please Jack.

"Would you like to walk a bit?" He took my hand and led me out of the restaurant. It was a nice night for March in Colorado, and the streets were pretty busy with people checking out the shops. "It's still early."

"Sure," I agreed, since I didn't want the evening to end. I knew there was a good chance this was a one-shot deal. As we walked the streets of the small, downtown area, Alex kept my hand in his. I noticed the second glances he earned from several girls, and even one guy, but being the center of attention didn’t faze him.

"You didn't mind leaving your life in Connecticut to come home for a few months?"

"Not really," he said. "I missed my family and friends, and I wanted to come back. I thought it would help me make a decision on medical school."

"You don't want to go." It wasn't a question because, from our dinner conversation, I could tell he wasn’t into the whole more school idea.

"Aren't you perceptive?" He smiled as we walked over to a bench that faced the mountains. "It's not that I don't want to go someday. It's just that I've been working so hard for the past five years, and I think I'd like to try psychology first. Maybe get a job working with underprivileged kids? I like the idea of being a psychiatrist, but I'm still young, and I want to explore my options."

"That makes sense. Do you want to do the internship?"

"Yes. That's a good opportunity either way, and it'll look great on my resume, plus my father really wants me to do it. It's a win-win."

"You don’t have to make any decisions right now."

"True." He nodded. "School wouldn’t start until September."

"And the internship sounds like a good opportunity for you. Between that and your education, I’d say you’ll be fine no matter what you decide."

"You're pretty smart, Jocelyn Andrews." He pushed a strand of hair from my face.

I looked down, afraid he'd see me blushing.

He tilted my chin up and leaned in slightly. My breath caught in my throat and I felt a nervous knot in my stomach.

"I better get you back home."

"Okay," I said, a little disappointed.

"If I want the chief to let me take you out again tomorrow night, I can't blow his curfew."

"You want to go out with me again?" I asked, stunned.

"If you want to go out with me," he said, and I swore he looked nervous. "I had a really nice time getting to know you, and I think we have more to talk about."

"I'd like that." I couldn't believe he'd want to spend another evening with me.

"I told my friends Zack and James I'd hang out with them tomorrow night, but if you're around in the afternoon, maybe we could go for a drive? Spend more time getting to know one another?"

"I'm not really that interesting."

"I'm gonna have to disagree, sweetheart." He smiled as he pulled me up from the bench and led me toward the car.

As we walked, we talked some more. It was as if neither one of us could ask enough questions about the other.

When we were still a few feet away from the car, someone yelled from the street.

"Alex!" A pretty brunette came running into the parking lot. "When did you get back?"

"Hey, Carly," he said. "I got into town yesterday."

"Are you planning on staying long?" she asked as she looked down at our joined hands.

"A few months," he said. "Then I have to go back to school."

"Well, a few months is enough time for us to get together." She smiled. "You know, like we used to." She looked me over. "Who's your friend?"

"This is Jocelyn Andrews," Alex said. "Jocelyn, this is an old friend of mine, Carly." It was obvious Alex couldn't remember her last name and equally obvious that fact annoyed her.

"You still have my cell number?" she asked.

"I'm sure I do," he said. "But, I'm probably gonna be busy, and I don't think we'll have a chance to hook up."

"I think you should make time." She smiled confidently. "You know I'm worth it."

She made a point of looking at me.

"It was nice seeing you again, Carly," Alex politely said. "Maybe I'll see you around."

"I sure hope so." She leaned in and quickly kissed his cheek. "Call me."

The nerve of her! Alex was clearly on a date with me, and he all but told her he wouldn't have time to see her, but she wasn’t getting it. Not that I could blame her. He was definitely worth throwing yourself at.

"Sorry about that." Alex laid a hand at my waist and guided me the rest of the way to the car. "She never could take no for an answer."

"Ex-girlfriend?" I asked as he opened the passenger door for me.

"Hardly." He smiled as he walked around and got in the car. "Just a girl I met at a party a couple of years ago."

"Must have been some party." I grinned.

"I did a lot of stupid things in my youth."

"I bet there's a lot of Carlys out there," I said, shocked by my own boldness.

"I think you've been talking to Evan."

"He may have warned me about you." I laughed. "But I didn't listen."

"Good girl. I don't need Evan scaring you away."

"It'll take more than Evan and a few random hook-ups from your past to scare me." I wasn't sure where I was finding the confidence to be so honest with him, but I was glad I did.

"Happy to hear it." He took my hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.

Alex changed the subject to my science project with Evan. We discussed that until we pulled up to my house. He must have already asked Evan about it, because he knew exactly what we were working on and how much we had left to do. He offered to help us. I took him up on it, 'cause science wasn’t my thing, and I could use all the help I could get.

He put the car in park and turned off the engine. I wanted to invite him in, but I knew Max would still be up, lounging in the living room, probably watching some sporting event, and I didn't want the three of us sitting there together. It would have been too awkward, and Max would’ve found a way to embarrass me.

"So, tomorrow then?" I asked.

"Yeah, is four okay?"

"I work until two on Saturdays, so that'll be great." I reached for the handle of the door. He quickly grabbed my hand and pulled my body closer to his.

"Where do you think you're going?" He smiled. "I still have ten more minutes with you."

Ten minutes? What did he want to do with those ten minutes? He ran his finger down my cheek and rested it at the corner of my bottom lip, then took my chin and gently pulled my mouth to his. Before I knew it, his lips were on mine. They were warm and soft, and he was so tender.

I closed my eyes and sighed against his mouth. He didn't try to deepen the kiss; he just continued to move his lips against mine as he slipped his hand up my neck, tangling his fingers in my hair. I inched closer to him, pressing my lips against his.

I had never kissed a boy before, and technically, I still hadn't, since Alex was a man, but even having nothing to compare it to, I knew he was a good kisser. The tingling in my stomach that radiated down between my thighs proved as much.

After a few more moments, he stopped moving, but didn't take his lips away from mine. I opened my eyes and caught him looking at me.

"Did I do something wrong?" I whispered against his lips.

"No," he whispered back, and then gently kissed me one last time before pulling away. He seemed stunned, but I couldn't figure out why. There was no way that kiss meant anything to him. He’d probably done it hundreds of times with lots of girls.

"I better go in before Max comes out and starts banging on the window or something," I mumbled.

Alex came around and met me as I stepped out of the car. He took my hand and walked me to the porch.

"Thanks for dinner. I had a really good time."

"Me too." He quickly pulled me toward him and wrapped his arms around me. I looked up into his emerald eyes; they seemed so intense now. He looked as if he was struggling, but I had no experience with men, so I had no idea what could be wrong.

"Good night, Alex," I whispered.

He lowered his face to mine and slowly found my mouth again, but this time it was different. He urgently moved against my lips, causing me to part them so he could slip his tongue inside my mouth.

Wow, that was sexy!

His tongue was warm and slow as he rubbed it against mine. My knees quivered, and that strange feeling I’d experienced between my thighs when he kissed me in the car grew more extreme. My panties were wet.

That's new.

Just when I thought I needed to come up for air, Alex pulled away and gently kissed me one last time.

"Good night, Jocelyn Andrews." He smiled at me, those freakin' white teeth gleaming, and now my panties were really wet. "Sweet dreams."

* * * * *

The next day, Alex picked me up at precisely 4:00 p.m. I was beginning to see he was extremely punctual.

"Where are we going?" I asked as we pulled into a wooded area.

"This lake"—he pointed to a flash of blue beyond the trees as we got out of the car—"is just behind my house. It's part of our property, and we used to swim here all the time while we were growing up."

"It's very pretty." I smiled as he took my hand and led me to the dock. I liked when he touched me.

"When the weather gets nicer," he said, "I can take you here. We could have a picnic and spend the day together."

My stomach jumped when I realized he was talking about still spending time with me in the future.

"That sounds nice." I smiled. "I'd love to."

We sat on the edge of the dock and faced one another. I couldn’t believe I was with him. Things like this just didn’t happen to me.

"Are those your boats too?"

"Yes, my father is an avid boater, and I think that's one of the reasons he purchased the property. The house is over an hour's commute to the hospital, but he likes having a place to store his boats."

"My father loves to fish," I said. "He does it every chance he gets."

"How about you?"

I shook my head.

"Ever been on a boat?"

"No. That's Max's thing with his friends." Compared to Alex, I hadn't done much at all with my life.

"I'll have to take you out when the weather turns warmer."

"Okay." I didn't care what we'd be doing as long as I'd be doing it with him.

"Have you always lived here?"

"Yep. Same house, too. Max bought it when he and Liz got married."

"Liz?"

"My mother. She left when I was two."

"Do you keep in touch with her?"

"Sometimes." I shrugged. "Liz remarried, and she travels with her new husband, so she doesn't really call that often, and I haven't seen her in about two years."

"I'm sorry if I'm making you uncomfortable, but I'd like to learn more about you."

"There's really not much to tell. My parents divorced when I was a baby. Liz was younger than Max, and she wasn't into the whole mom thing, and she hated small town life, so she left."

"That's awful." He touched my hand.

I pulled away; I didn't want him feeling sorry for me.

"I'm cool with it," I said. "I was so young that I wasn't used to having a mom around anyway, so I don't really miss it." That wasn't entirely true. I hadn’t missed a mother's presence until I'd met Sarah. I pushed the hair out of my eyes and said, "It must have been nice growing up in your house, siblings and two parents and all."

"We have our moments." He smiled. "Brenna is a bit of a bitch at times. She's very dramatic and plays the role of the middle child to perfection."

"I don't really know her that well. She's usually at Ryan's house or hanging out with Julia."

"Yeah, they're all so inseparable."

"Ryan's your age," I said. "Are you close?"

"We went to high school together," he said. "Brenna and Julia were always best friends, so we all hung out a lot, especially when Brenna and Ryan started dating."

"So, you're friends with Julia too?"

"Not great friends," he said. "How close are you to my brother?"

Hmm . . . . He changed the Julia subject pretty fast, and I had a feeling there was more to that story than he was willing to tell.

"Evan and I were lab partners first, and then we became friends," I said. "We had a lot of common interests."

"You had no interest in one another?"

"Not really," I said. "He was getting back with Cali, and to tell you the truth, I love Evan, but he's high maintenance."

Alex laughed.

"You know he is," I said. "He spends more time on his hair than I do."

"I'm glad my brother didn't go after you."

"How come?"

"Because then I would never have gotten the chance to do this." He pulled me closer to him and gently placed his lips against mine. "I've been thinking about you all day."

"Mmm," was the only response I could manage.

He moved his lips against mine, and then he tangled his fingers in my hair as he held me against his mouth. His kiss was soft and gentle at first, but then it became more urgent as his hands tightened in my hair. He wasn't hurting me, and I actually liked the force. Our teeth collided as our tongues found their place inside each other's mouth.

Alex lay back on the cool dock, pulling me on top of him as he ran his hands up and down my back. We continued to kiss for a few minutes more and then, like the night before, he abruptly stopped.

He sat us up.

"Sorry." He smiled as he brushed my hair from my face.

"Why are you apologizing?"

"I got carried away."

"I'm not complaining," I whispered.

"I want to get to know you," he said, and for the first time since we met, he wasn't all confidence and swagger. He looked vulnerable and shy.

Could he really be interested in me? "Do you get to know all the girls you kiss?"

"No," he said. "But I had the advantage of hearing about you through Evan, and I like what he tells me."

"You talk about me with Evan?"

He nodded, and a big grin spread across his face. He looked like a little boy in a candy store. It was adorable, but distracted me only momentarily. I was quickly brought back to reality when I realized all Evan could tell him.

"Oh God! What?"

"Nothing." He ducked his head.

"It's something!" I panicked. "What did that head of hair tell you?"

"Jocelyn." He took my hand. "Relax. Evan practically drools over you. He told me to be careful with you. He's afraid I'll hurt you by moving too fast."

"I can take care of myself," I said. "I’ve been doing it for a long time."

"I know," he responded. "But I'm older and more experienced and that bothered Evan because you've never . . . ."

Now I was mortified. "He told you that I've never been on a date?"

He nodded and grinned again.

"Oh God!"

"Don't be embarrassed. It kinda turns me on to know I was your first kiss."

"Really?"

He leaned in closer to me and said, "Really." He gently kissed my lips. "I'd like to be many other firsts too."

I didn't know whether to kill Evan or thank him for telling Alex about my lack of experience; right now, it didn't matter. I just liked being close to him, and I really looked forward to getting to know him.

The next few months held so many possibilities . . . .

Chapter Three

Alex and I saw each other constantly for three weeks and things were getting serious. At first, I thought it was just me. I'd never felt this way about anyone before, and everything was so new. I had all these crazy feelings, and I was happy all the time.

Max noticed I was smiling a lot more than usual.

It was a rainy Friday afternoon in early April. Evan and I had two days left to put the final touches on our project. We'd been working on it all day at his house. I was actually sad to see it come to an end, because this assignment represented several different things to me. Through the course of it, I became closer to Evan, and for that I was extremely grateful. The hours we spent on together working filled a void for me. I got to meet his family and spend many nights at his house. We ate dinner together like a real family did, at a table, with conversation. Not that Max didn't try, but most nights he worked late, and I usually ate alone and then reheated his dinner for him when he got home. The time I spent at Evan's gave me the chance to see how another family functioned. Two parents, siblings . . . all the things I never really knew I missed until I met the Jordans. It had always been me and Max. It wasn’t that the Jordans' lifestyle was better than what I had; it was just different.

This project had also led me to Alex. If I hadn't been there that afternoon, I wouldn't have met him. At first I thought, after each date, Alex would have had enough of me and stop calling. Eventually, those thoughts began to fade, and they were replaced with excitement and anticipation for the next time we saw one another.

On the particular day in question, I was sitting on the floor in the family room, putting the last details on our presentation, when Alex slipped in behind me and placed a soft kiss on my neck.

"Hello, beautiful," he said into my hair.

"Hey." I smiled. "Did you have fun playing basketball with your friends?"

"Yeah." He swirled his tongue inside my ear, then blew his warm breath against the lobe. "But I missed you." He gently pulled my earlobe with his teeth, then turned my face toward his, so he had better access to my lips. His kisses were getting more intense, and he had recently started to add his hands to the mix. He was very cautious with me and always stopped before things got inappropriate. Sometimes, I wished he wasn't so polite.

Evan cleared his throat and said, "Could you two stop that? It's just nasty."

Alex ignored him and continued to kiss me. I didn't want to be rude, so I slowly pulled away. He looked at me as if no girl had ever asked him to stop. Come to think of it, who in their right mind would ask him to stop kissing them?

"Evan's right," I whispered, and suddenly felt embarrassed.

He jumped to his feet and extended his hand for me. "Come on, then."

"Where?" I asked, as he pulled me up.

"Upstairs." He smiled. "I need a shower, and we need some privacy." He shot Evan a dirty look. "It's too crowded down here."

"I can't leave Evan," I said. "We're working on the project."

"Nah," Evan said. "We're almost done, and I have to call Cali."

"Thanks, little bro," Alex yelled, as he pulled me into the kitchen and up the back staircase. I suddenly felt awkward and nervous. I had never been to Alex's bedroom before. I’d seen Evan's room once or twice, but most of the time we hung out in the family room or in the basement.

Alex sensed my apprehension. "What's wrong?"

"Your parents?" I must have sounded really stupid because he was an adult, but Max would freak if I brought Alex to my bedroom.

"They're out to dinner and a movie with friends," he said. "Zack's parents, actually, so they won't be home until later. Evan and I are ordering pizza, and I was hoping you'd stay."

"Oh," I said. "Sure, Max knew I'd be here working with Evan anyway."

"Good." He smiled as he opened the door and led me into his room. It was just as big as Evan's and had a lot of the same stuff; a flat screen hung on the wall with an Xbox 360 sitting under it, and an intimidating book collection covered the remaining wall space.

"You have just as many books as your brother." I walked over to take a closer look. "I have to get all of mine from the library." Max and I lived a simple life. He didn't make that much money being the police chief of such a small town, so our budget was tight. Buying my own books was often a luxury we couldn't afford.

He walked over and stood behind me. I could feel his breath against my hair as he spoke. "My father's a passionate reader and instilled a love for books in all of us. As rewards for getting good grades or doing something special, he would take us to the store and let us pick out a book. The agreement was that we had to finish the book we started, even if we didn't like it. Over the years, we've donated the books we finished to various book drives, children's charities, the pediatric ward, and women's shelters.

These are my favorites, the ones I decided to keep."

"All of these?" I scanned the shelves.

"I try to read them again from time to time."

I ran my finger across the spines and noticed a few titles and authors that I wanted to read eventually.

"You can borrow whatever you want," he said, as he pulled my back closer to his chest, picking up where he left off downstairs. He kissed my neck as he moved his hands down my stomach and to my hips.

"I'm gonna take a quick shower." He let me go. "Make yourself comfortable. I won't be long."

He disappeared into the room adjoining his. Evan had the same door on the other side, so I assumed they shared a connecting bathroom.

I continued to look at the books, deciding which one I wanted to borrow. He had so many to choose from that I was getting overwhelmed, so I decided to look around the rest of the room instead. He had trophies and ribbons from all the sports he had played. I also noticed that Yale played a pretty prominent role in his décor too. A few posters and his undergraduate degree hung on the wall near the door.

His dresser held some pictures, mostly of him, Evan, and Brenna, some with guys I figured were Zack and James, and then in the corner, just under the mirror, was a small photo of a very pretty woman, holding two children in her lap, a boy and a girl.

The little boy looked no more than two, and the baby, dressed in pink, was an infant.

The woman resembled Alex, or at least he did her, and I thought the boy looked like a smaller version of him. Just as I was about to pick it up to get a closer look, Alex came out of the bathroom dressed in nothing but a pair of track pants that had the Yale logo on the thigh.

He stood leaning in the doorway, and I was so distracted by his bare chest I forgot about the photo. He was stunning. I knew he was built, but I had only felt his body through his clothes. Now, I could see every ripple and muscle.

"That was fast." I hoped I wasn't drooling.

"Wanted to get back to you." He walked toward me.

The closer he got, the more I could smell his soap; it was clean and crisp. His hair was still damp, and, when he got close to me, I could feel the heat from the hot shower coming off his skin. Images of Alex lathering up and rinsing off in a steamy shower flooded my head. I may have licked my lips. My body responded to him in ways I didn’t understand. Most of the time, I walked around with an uncomfortable wetness between my thighs, and when he was close my nipples hardened. All I could think about was him touching me in places he wasn’t supposed to.

"How was the shower?"

"Lonely." He ran his thumb along my bottom lip.

"Oh." I swallowed hard.

He tilted his head down and let his tongue take the same journey across my lip his thumb had just completed.

"You have no idea what you do to me, do you?" he whispered.

I shook my head as he gently kissed my lips. He was barely touching me, but I could feel the intensity between my legs. That feeling was becoming all too familiar when he was near. Last week, it was intriguing and new, but this week, it was starting to ache. I needed more, but I didn't know how to get it.

"You get my insides all twisted up," he whispered, as he continued to brush his lips against mine. "The more I kiss you, the more I want."

That's exactly how I feel!

He ran his finger down my cheek. "You're so soft," he murmured, as he pulled me over to the bed. "And warm. I want to touch all of you."

Then do it! The voice was screaming in my head, but I was afraid to tell him my thoughts. I hesitantly placed my hands on his perfect chest, then slowly ran them over his well-developed pecs. His body was hard and defined, and I wanted to feel more of him underneath my hands. I'd never done anything like that before, but instinct took over.

He closed his eyes and tilted his head back, so I was encouraged to move my hands down his chest, over his ribs, to his abs. His track pants hung low on his hips, and I could see his black boxers sticking out of the top. I didn't know why, but having my fingertips so close to his underwear created that delicious feeling inside my panties.

I don't know what possessed me, but I pressed my lips to his neck and moved them down over his collarbone. He tangled his fingers in my hair and gently guided me down to his chest, as he pulled me closer to his body.

"Jocelyn," he whispered.

I moved my lips back up over his chest and to his neck. I looked up at him and waited for him to tell me what he wanted. He didn't say anything, but my whole body was humming with nervous energy. He looked into my eyes for a few seconds, then pulled me down on the bed, crashing his lips against mine and urgently kissing me. I could feel the desperation, but wasn't sure if it was his or my own.

Our movements were frantic and needy. We were lying on our sides, facing one another, my hands were pressed up against his chest and he had one hand still in my hair, while the other one made its way to the back of my thigh. My hips seemed to involuntarily move as I pushed myself closer to him. He pulled my leg up over his hip and pressed his erection into my stomach, but that didn’t seem right. I wanted to feel him lower. I adjusted slightly so that we were in a better position. I could feel his hardness move into place as he pressed against me. I had never felt an erection before, but I knew enough to know Alex was pretty impressive. The pants he was wearing hid nothing, and I wished that I was wearing something thinner than jeans, because I needed to feel him against me.

He ground against me for a few minutes, but it wasn't enough. In between kisses, I rolled on top of him and tried to take control of the situation, as I moved myself up and down against him. I had no idea what I was doing, but it felt really good and judging from the sounds Alex was making, he liked it too. After a few more seconds, he grabbed my hips and held me still.

"Baby, we have to stop," he said in a raspy voice.

"Why?" I asked. "It doesn't feel good for you?"

He reversed our positions until he lay on top of me, resting his arms on either side of my shoulders. He kissed me, then said, "You have no idea how good it feels; that's why I stopped. It was too good."

"I don't . . . ." I knew I was blushing, but I needed to know. "I don't understand."

"Jocelyn," he whispered. "You're so innocent."

"Maybe I don't want to be innocent anymore," I told him. "I want you to show me, Alex. I want this with you." I was getting frustrated.

"You're not ready."

I could see the regret in his eyes. "How do you know? I feel things when I'm with you. I need you to show me what comes next." I couldn't believe I was telling him this, but I wanted more.

"I will." He smiled. "But, not without control. Jocelyn, we've been together for three weeks, and before that you had never been on a date."

"You've been with so many girls," I said. "I can't be the first virgin."

"You're not." He frowned.

"Then what's the problem?"

"You're different." He rolled off me and propped himself up on his elbow.

"You're not ready for sex, and I don't want to rush you."

I sat up and ran my fingers through my hair, my frustration kicking up a notch.

"I'm not different." My tone reflected my annoyance. Is there something wrong with me? "I like being with you."

"I like being with you too," he said. "And, because I like you, I don't want to rush you."

"Oh." Stupid! Maybe he's not attracted to me that way.

He took my hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. "Jocelyn, I need to know what you’re feeling."

"I don't need a psychiatrist." I smiled.

"Jocelyn?"

"I know I'm not what you're used to."

"What does that mean?"

"I've seen some of the girls you've dated." I lowered my head. "I'm much younger, very inexperienced, and definitely not as pretty."

"I don't care about age." He sat up and rested his hand in my lap. "As far as your inexperience, that's refreshing and not just from a physical standpoint. I like the fact that you're so eager to learn, and I love when you ask me questions about my education and the experiences I've had. There are so many things I want to show you."

I continued to look down because I felt ridiculous, insecure, and unworthy. That is the story of my life.

"Jocelyn." He took my face and moved it to the side so that I had to look at him. "I also happen to think you're beautiful."

"You don't have to say that," I whispered.

"Yes, apparently I do." He stared at me. "You really have no idea." He gently kissed my lips as he ran his fingers down my cheek. "I want you," he whispered. "But, I'm willing to take things slow."

"Sorry I got too eager." My cheeks flamed.

He continued to kiss me, but then pulled away and in a breathy voice whispered,

"Oh no, I want you eager." He moved his lips down my neck, hesitating just at the top of my T-shirt, but then moving lower and brushing his lips over my nipples.

A bolt of electricity shot throughout my body. This is exactly what I wanted.

He moved his hand up my stomach, and, just as he was about to reach for my other breast, we heard a banging at the door.

"Hey, love birds," Evan called. "Pizza is here, so put your plans on hold."

Alex moved back up to my face, pressed his forehead to mine, and squeezed his eyes shut. I started to giggle.

"You think that's funny?" He laughed.

"Did you hear me?" Evan banged again.

"We're coming." Alex groaned.

I took a deep breath. "I am kinda hungry."

Alex shook his head and rolled his eyes. He got up off the bed and gently pulled me to my feet. "I need you to go downstairs first."

"Why?"

"I need to get dressed and settle down, if you catch my drift." He glanced down at the bulge in his pants.

"Oh," I squeaked. "I did that?"

"Yes, baby, it was all you." He smiled.

I pressed my lips to his and thrust my tongue into his mouth, extremely turned on now.

He pulled away and pushed me toward the door. "I'll never get downstairs if you keep that up."

I pouted.

"That's adorable," he said. "But go, before I start ripping your clothes off."

"Promise?" I asked.

"Out!" He pointed to the door.

I giggled as I walked down the hall. It occurred to me that Alex was just as worked up as I was and probably feeling ten times more frustrated. That nervous anticipation churned in my stomach again. I couldn't wait to see what he had planned next.

Chapter Four

I checked myself in the mirror one last time before heading out to my car. I rarely ever wore a skirt, but when I saw this adorable little jean skirt in the mall, I had to have it. The outfit cost me almost my whole paycheck, but it was worth it. That was so unlike me, but now, when I bought clothes, I thought about pleasing Alex. I wanted to look pretty for him. It was all part of these new and thrilling feelings I was experiencing.

On my way to Alex's house, I listened to the radio and sang out loud. I never did that before, either. I had all of this excited anticipation, and I couldn't wait to see him. A few days had passed since we’d been together. He was shadowing that doctor at the hospital and had worked long days. I was constantly studying and trying to prepare myself for finals. Thank God the work week was over, and now we could spend some time together. We decided to stay at his house and watch a movie. This was the first time we'd be alone since the night we were in his bedroom. That thought turned me into a ball of eagerness. I wanted to be close to him. I wanted him to touch me, kiss me, and do whatever else he wanted to do to me. He was all I thought about.

I pulled into the driveway, fixed my hair in the rearview, then headed to the front door. Alex must have been watching from the window because he opened the door before I could knock. I hoped that meant he was as happy to see me as I was to see him.

"Hi." I smiled.

"Hey, how . . . ?" He stopped mid-sentence and let his eyes rake up and down my body. "Wow! You look hot."

"Thanks." I looked down at my feet, embarrassed. No one had ever called me hot before, but I didn't exactly dress this way every day, either.

He took my hand and pulled me into the foyer, where he picked me up off the ground and slowly kissed me. After a few minutes, he put me back down, and I think the room may have been spinning. I couldn't be sure because I was still coming down from that kiss.

He looked me over again and grinned as he shook his head. "You'll be the death of me tonight."

"You like it?"

"Like it?" he asked. "I don't know how I'm gonna keep my hands off you."

That's the point, cowboy!

"Come on." He took my hand. "I made popcorn, and I've set up the movie."

"I don't know why you people bother going to the movies; you practically have a theater in your basement."

"I like to see them when they first come out in the local theater," he said, as we walked downstairs.

The basement was completely furnished and equipped with every amenity known to man, including a full bathroom that was bigger than the one Max and I shared. The room contained a pool table, flat screen, media center, and walk-out doors to the hot tub. These people knew how to live.

"What are we watching tonight?"

"It was a tough decision," he said. "But, I went with something a little older, the first Pirates movie."

"Oh, I love Johnny Depp and Orlando Bloom."

"I figured." He laughed. "What chick doesn’t? You get your eye candy and I'll get some action."

You're all the eye candy I need, and I'd like to give you some action! God, he had me all charged up. The way he smelled, the look in his eyes, his voice, his smile . . . .

"Jocelyn," he called, snapping me out of my Alex fantasy. "What are you thinking about?"

"You." I smiled.

"Something good, I hope?"

"Something very good." I sat down on the couch next to him.

He pressed a button on the complicated-looking remote and handed me the bowl of popcorn as he inched closer to me. He put his arm around my back and pulled me into his side. "That's better," he whispered against my hair.

We started watching the movie, and when I say started, we made it through the previews. First, Alex decided to feed me popcorn, which was sweet, but distracting. He began by placing a kernel between my lips and gently pushing it into my mouth with his fingers. Occasionally, he would lick the salt off my lips, which led me to a new idea.

I took a piece of popcorn, placed it in between my lips and leaned forward, arching a brow at him. He smiled seductively, then took the popcorn from me with his teeth, making sure to linger at my lips for a second or two. I had no idea eating popcorn could be so erotic. We went on like that for a few minutes, before completely abandoning the popcorn and the movie all together.

We kissed for awhile, taking our time and allowing our tongues to gradually explore one another's mouth, and then I felt Alex move his hand slowly up my leg and underneath my skirt. He circled his fingertips just below where my panties met my upper thigh. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him closer as he slipped his fingers under the elastic. He stopped kissing me and stared into my eyes for a moment, looking unsure.

"Is this okay?" he whispered.

I nodded, and then, as his lips found mine again, he ran his fingers over my vagina. He was barely touching me, but it affected my whole body, causing me to shiver against him. I grew tense; I’d never experienced anything even close to that before.

He slowly licked my lips and whispered, "Try to relax."

As he pushed his tongue inside my mouth, he ran his finger over my slit a few times, no doubt feeling how wet I was before pushing inside me.

I squirmed. His touch felt foreign, awkward and uncomfortable at first, but he continued to move his finger in and out of me. He kissed a path to my ear and with his free hand, pushed my hair aside and whispered, "You're so warm and wet for me."

I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to concentrate on what he was doing to my body. His movement felt less awkward now, and I was finding that I liked it when he talked to me.

He swirled his tongue in my ear and gently bit down on my earlobe. "Jocelyn."

He spoke my name on an exhale, and it came out sounding all breathy and sexy. "My cock is so hard for you."

"Alex." I moaned as I moved my body in time with his finger. My stomach muscles coiled tightly, and I felt like I would explode at any second. I was so focused on him and the sensation he was creating, I opened my eyes wide with shock when he quickly pulled his finger out of me and adjusted my skirt.

Suddenly, I heard giggling and then footsteps coming down the stairs.

He gently kissed me and mumbled, "Sorry." He pulled me back into his side and propped his feet up on the coffee table, as if we'd been watching the movie the whole time.

A second later, Brenna and Julia were standing in front of the screen. Brenna was smiling and Julia was staring at Alex as if he were a piece of meat. I was pretty sure they knew they'd caught us in the middle of something.

"What the fuck, Brenna?" Alex said.

"Did we interrupt?" She laughed.

"What are you watching?" Julia asked.

" Pirates of the Caribbean," I answered.

Alex stopped the movie as Brenna flicked on the lights. I had to squint for a few seconds until my eyes got used to the glare.

"Alex." Julia chirped his name. "Remember when we went to see this in the theater?"

"That was a long time ago," Alex said, clearly annoyed. "So, where's Ryan?"

"He's at a work function," Brenna answered. "So we went out for Chinese and now we're going to watch a movie."

"You should have come with us, cutie," Julia said.

Cutie? Was she serious?

Brenna snorted as she replied to a text. She never paid much attention to me before, so her lack of interest in me really wasn’t offensive.

"Where's Evan, Jocelyn?" Julia asked. "Aren't you usually following him all over the house like a lost puppy?"

Alright, something was seriously wrong with this bitch. I’d only been in her company a few times, but she obviously didn't like me, and it was clear why.

"He's out with Cali, making plans for the prom or something," I said.

"Prom? How cute." Julia smiled. "High school was so much fun."

"A blast," Brenna said, as she continued to text. "Are you going to the prom?" She didn’t look at me when she asked.

"Me? No," I said.

"Why not?" Alex asked. "Do you want to go?"

"No," I quickly said. "I'm not really a prom kinda girl." The thought of dancing and socializing like that made me ill. I just never fit in that way.

"I'll take you if you want to go." He smiled, and I thought he was so sweet. The thought of seeing him in a tux almost made me want to go.

"Alex," Julia said. "Don't you think you're a little old to be going to a prom? I'm sure Jocelyn could find someone her own age to take her, and you could hang out with someone a little more your speed."

Brenna giggled and rolled her eyes.

"Actually," Alex said, as he pulled me closer to him. "I like the company I'm keeping just fine."

I smiled at him as he squeezed my hand.

"Hmm." Julia looked me over.

"Come on, Jocelyn." He pulled me up from the couch.

"You don't have to leave on our account," Brenna said. "Ryan's on his way, and he's bringing beer."

"You have to be twenty-one to drink it, though." Julia laughed.

I really hate this twit!

"Thanks," Alex said. "But Jocelyn and I want to be alone. We'll be in my bedroom if you need me."

Julia's jaw practically hit the floor when Alex pulled me toward the stairs.

"See you later." I waved.

He's mine, you stupid bitch, was what I wanted to say, but I was a guest in Alex's home, and I didn't want to be rude. Plus, Brenna could make my life miserable if she really wanted to.

Alex led me to his room and slammed the door behind us, clearly upset. "I'm sorry," he said. "I didn't know they were coming home. Julia can be a bitch."

"It's not your fault." I sat on the bed. "How serious were you two?"

"Not very," he said, obviously trying to brush off my question. "You want to stay here? Or we can go out for coffee."

"If you want me to hang out here and put up with her, then I need to know what went down between the two of you." I needed the whole story if I was going to defend myself. Everyone else around here knew what had gone on between Alex and Julia. "It's obvious she’s hung up on you."

"We went out a few times," he said. "Mostly with Brenna and Ryan."

"But not always?"

He shook his head. "Before I left for Yale, we dated that summer. It didn't work out. She was still in high school, and I was ready to move on."

"She's been holding out hope for five years?" I asked.

Either he's that good, or she's that desperate. Maybe it was a combination of both?

"When I come home, we usually get together, but just to hang out with Brenna and Ry." He hurried to assure me. "I haven't been with Julia in over a year."

"So, you've had sex with her too?" I held up my hand. "You know what, I don't want to know. It's none of my business."

He sat on the bed next to me. "I'll tell you whatever you want to know. I don't want to keep secrets."

"I don't need to know all about your past," I said. "But, I don't want you to hurt me, either." Evan had told me a lot about Alex and his past relationships.

"I could never." He brushed his lips against mine. "You're very special to me."

"You're not interested in Julia?" I bit my bottom lip.

"Am I upstairs, alone with you?" he asked. "I'm not interested in Julia. She's my sister's best friend and the sister of the man Brenna is probably going to marry. They had this silly high school pact that Brenna would marry Ryan and Julia would marry me. Brenna is getting what she wants, but Julia won't."

"She's still holding out hope," I said. "I can tell by the way she looks at you. She wants you."

"I don't want her." He pushed me back on the bed. "You have completely taken over my life, Jocelyn Andrews. You're all I think about and believe me when I say this: I have never been a one-woman type of guy."

"Oh." He saw the disappointment on my face.

"Until now." He kissed me. "I know I'm asking a lot, but you have to trust me. I won't hurt you."

"I do trust you," I said, and for whatever reason, I did. I was taking a risk, but Evan had changed his mind when it came to me and Alex. A month ago, he was doing everything he could to keep me away from his brother, but now he was encouraging me. Evan knew his brother well, and if he thought everything was cool . . . .

I was falling in love with Alex Jordan. I was going to take a chance and go for it.

What did I have to lose?

"Alex," I whispered. "I . . . ."

"What is it?"

"I want you to touch me again." Heat rose in my cheeks. "Like downstairs."

"Are you sure? I got caught up and didn't mean to offend you, but you make me crazy."

"I like making you crazy." I smiled as I took his hand and moved it down my stomach.

He sat up and helped me to the top of the bed, resting my head on his pillows.

He kicked off his shoes, then gently straddled me, moving his hands to the buttons of my shirt.

"I can't work with this many clothes," he said as he undid the last button. He slipped it from my shoulders and tossed it onto the floor. He pulled my legs up around his hips and pressed his hard-on against me. I could feel every inch of him through his jeans. "See what you do to me?"

I definitely felt what I was doin' to his little cowboy!

The thin silk material of my panties left nothing to the imagination. He was hard against my soft center, and I was practically soaked from the sheer sound of his voice.

He leaned down and found my lips, and the deeper our kiss became, the harder he ground into me. We moved against one another at a frantic pace, his body hot against mine and my heart pounding against my chest. He continued to thrust against my panties as he slipped his hands underneath my tank top and over my bra. He squeezed my breasts, then ran his thumbs over my nipples, all the while his hips crashing into me. The sensation was delicious, but I wanted more, without the barrier of clothing.

"Jocelyn." He moaned my name. "I wish I could be inside you right now."

"I want that," I whispered. "Please . . . ." I was desperate to have him close, but I wasn't sure how close. Was I ready to have sex tonight?

He stopped moving and looked down at me. He seemed to be deep in thought, contemplating my request. He moved his hands down my ribcage and over my hips, then underneath my skirt. He grabbed my panties and slowly pulled them down my legs, before tossing them onto the floor.

My body shook over the reality of taking the next step. I wanted him, but was I ready? My body was screaming with need, but my head kept getting in the way. How was I supposed to know when the right time to sleep with someone was? Alex must have sensed my anxiety, because he pulled back.

"Relax," he whispered. "Just like downstairs, nothing else."

He rolled onto his side and hitched my leg up over his hip. He stroked my bare center, then pulled me into a deep, sensual kiss as he pushed his finger inside me. I was so wet I barely felt it slide inside. He added another finger and began to move at a nice pace as his thumb found my clit.

"Oh . . . ." I moaned. "Feels good . . . ." I closed my eyes and savored the moment.

It was the first time I’d ever been pushed to the brink. The sensation he was creating inside my body was amazing, but I wanted more.

"Come for me," he whispered against my lips. "Let go for me."

"I don't know how . . . ." I moaned. "Oh, God . . . ."

He continued working me with his fingers, then all of a sudden, I pushed violently against his hand, and the next thing I knew, I was trying to catch my breath as Alex pressed kisses along my jaw and neck.

I opened my eyes to find him smiling at me with the most satisfied look on his face. "Alex," I said, "that was, well, I've never . . . ."

"I know, sweetheart." He laughed. "Glad you liked it."

I didn't know much about sex, but I knew he had to be about ready to explode by now. "What about you?" Shouldn't I make him come or something?

"I'll be fine." He gently kissed my lips.

"But?" I blushed. "If you show me what to do, maybe I could . . . ." I wanted to die. The women Alex was used to being with didn't need to be shown what to do.

"There's no rush, Jocelyn." He tenderly stroked my cheek. "Let's just consider this lesson one."

"When can we get to lesson two?" I smiled.

"I told you you'd be the death of me." He laughed. "Lesson two would entail a little more time, and you have to get home by curfew."

"This is why Max likes you so much; you follow his stupid rules."

"I've been around long enough to know you don't piss off a girl's father, especially when he carries a gun for a living." He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me onto his chest. We stayed that way and talked until I had to leave. He insisted on following me home, though I argued it wasn't necessary. Sarah and Jack were home at this point and agreed that Alex should follow me. Sarah said she wouldn't take no for an answer. Alex said it was because he was such a gentleman, but I knew none of them trusted my old car, and they didn't want anything to happen to me on the way.

I couldn't fight off all three of them. And, I kinda liked the attention.

Chapter Five

We sat at his kitchen table, filling out paperwork. Alex was sending in the final papers for his internship, and I was finishing my application for community college.

Somehow, he managed to get me into his lap, and I didn't seem to be getting much work done.

"Alex, you have to stop kissing my neck."

"No, I don't." He laughed as he continued to move his lips against my nape.

"I can't focus." I groaned as I read the same question for the third time.

"You have to learn to multi-task," he said. "I've finished my stuff already."

"That's why you went to Yale." I reminded him.

"You're smart enough for Yale too. Why don't you come to Connecticut with me?"

"Are you crazy? They don't let just anyone in there; it's already April, and Yale's way too expensive for a local cop's kid."

"All right, you make some valid points, but you don't have to go to Yale. There are other schools around there, you know? We could look into one of those."

I shook my head, knowing it was already going to be a struggle for Max to do community college. "I want to stay here."

"Jocelyn." He turned me so I could face him. "I'm not discounting where you're going, but my parents adore you, and my mother is thrilled that you seem to be taming me."

I smiled. "You mean you're not chasing every girl all over town?"

"You know I'm not," he said, then after a pause, he asked, "Don't you?" A worried expression crossed his face.

"I was teasing you." I smiled.

"In any case, my parents would be happy to fund your education."

"What? No, I could never accept that," I said. "It's very nice of you to offer, but please don't ask them to do that."

"They already offered."

"Why would they do that?"

"Because they can. Jocelyn, we have so much, and my parents like to give back."

"I'm not a charity case," I said, annoyed. Does he really think that's what I want from them?

"We know that," he said, sounding defensive. "They just really like you and want to help you." He was irritated now. This was the first time since we started seeing each other that he was upset with me.

"Alex, I . . . ."

"Forget it." He shrugged it off. "It's not a big deal. I'm sorry I said anything."

"I don't mean to be ungrateful," I said. "It's just that, I'm fine with my decision to stay here. Max needs me, and I'm not ready to leave."

"Maybe I want you to come."

"You've known me a month." I reminded him. "Why would you want me to come with you?"

"I can't explain it," he said.

"You're not mad because I didn't want to take the money, you're angry because I don't want to go to Connecticut with you?"

"I don't know," he said. "Don't read too much into it, okay? I'm not sure why I suggested it in the first place."

What has gotten into him? He was fine until the stupid Yale conversation started. I didn't get what I'd done to upset him. He couldn't think I'd just pick up and follow him, could he? Before we had a chance to discuss it any further, Brenna came down the stairs.

"Are you always here?" She was clearly annoyed by my presence. I loved spending time there, but not when Brenna or Julia was around. They made it very obvious they didn't want me there.

"Shut up." Alex warned her. "Jocelyn can be here whenever she wants."

"Whatever." She went to the refrigerator and grabbed a bottle of water.

I got off Alex's lap and gathered my stuff. I suddenly didn't feel like I belonged there. Alex was being weird, and I wasn't in the mood for Brenna. "I think I'm going to head home."

"Bye," Brenna said, then chugged her water.

"No." Alex grabbed my hand. "I thought we were spending the day together."

"Alex," Brenna said. "Your phone constantly rings with tons of offers from every girl in this town. Everyone knows you're home; you don't need to chase after Evan's leftovers."

"I've never dated Evan." I grabbed my book bag from the chair.

"No, apparently he was the smarter brother." She smiled at Alex.

"Brenna, what the hell is wrong with you?" Alex yelled.

"I'm just looking out for you," she said. "First, she was hanging around here chasing after Evan, and then you come home and now it's all you. She doesn't belong in our world. She sees an opportunity to get a better life, and she doesn't care which one of you gives it to her. Have you seen where she lives? What kind of life she comes from?

Her mother didn't even stick around."

"Shut up! You don't know anything about me."

"Jocelyn," Alex said. "Ignore her."

"I know enough to know why you'd want to be here and not at home."

"There's nothing wrong with my house," I shouted as I headed for the door. "And I don't need anything from any of you!"

"I'm gonna fuckin' deal with you later, but if this has anything to do with that bitch, you'll be sorry!" Alex yelled at Brenna, before coming after me. I had to assume the bitch he referred to was Julia.

He caught me in the foyer before I could get out.

Why does this house have to be so damn big?

"Alex, please," I said. "I just want to go home."

"No, please." He pulled me toward the front staircase. "Come upstairs and talk to me."

"No, it’s okay." I tried to hold back the tears over the humiliation Brenna had caused. "I know what she said isn't your fault." My voice betrayed me as it cracked.

Alex pulled me into an embrace. "She doesn't know anything about you or your circumstances," he whispered, as he led me up the stairs and into his room.

I took a deep breath and stopped the tears. I wouldn't let that rich, spoiled snob get to me. I knew why she was acting this way, and I almost let it work.

Alex handed me a tissue. "I'm so sorry. I'll deal with her later."

"No, I don't want you to fight with your sister. Not over me." I really didn't want to be the cause of any conflict in his family.

"She was rude and out of line," he yelled. "I'll have my father deal with her."

"No." I pleaded with him, hoping he'd change his mind. "Please don't bring your parents into this."

"They won't stand for her behavior," he told me. "Not in this matter."

"Julia isn't the only one who wants you with her," I said. "Do they do this to all the girls you date?"

He shook his head.

"Why me then?" I wondered out loud.

"Jocelyn." He sighed. "You're the only one I've ever invested this much time in.

You're the only one I've ever felt . . . ."

I waited patiently for him to finish his thought.

"I won't allow her to treat you this way," he said, and I saw the anger cross his face again.

"She's nothing like your mom, is she?"

He shook his head. "She wouldn't be."

"I guess not everyone takes after their mother," I said. "I sure don't."

Alex walked over to his dresser and picked up the picture of the woman with the two children sitting in her lap. He sat down next to me and handed it to me.

"I've always wondered about this picture," I told him. "Is she your aunt or something? She resembles you and Brenna."

"This is my biological mother," he said. "Mine and Brenna's."

"What?" I didn't hide my shock very well. "What about Sarah?"

"My father was married before Sarah," he said. "Her name was Alexa Parker Jordan."

"She's beautiful." I smiled, waiting for him to explain.

"Yeah, she was." He looked thoughtful. "I don't really remember her, though."

"Where is she?" I wondered if she had abandoned them the way Liz had me.

"When I was two and Brenna was six months old . . . ." He hesitated, and he looked pained, so I took his hand. "She was killed in a car accident."

"Oh, Alex." I gasped. "I'm so sorry."

"It's okay. Like I said, I don't remember her. Sarah has always been my mother.

Actually, you're the first person I've ever told about this. Zack knows because his parents are really good friends of the family, but most don't know that Sarah isn't my biological mother, and I'd like to keep it that way."

"Of course." I agreed.

"She is my mother, and I would never want her to feel any different."

"I never would have guessed she wasn't your biological mother," I said. "She loves you all so much."

He smiled.

"Is Sarah Evan's biological mother?" I asked.

He nodded. "When she was killed"—he looked at the photograph—"my dad hired Sarah as our nanny. She came to us at a very crucial time. Brenna and I were babies, and he had just been promoted to head surgeon, one of the youngest in the hospital's history, so there he was, left with two babies and a very demanding job. My mother's family was from Texas, and she was an only child, and her parents couldn't come here and help. Sarah was a godsend, for all of us."

"Jack fell in love with her," I said.

He smiled, and I could tell how much he loved her. "Sarah was just out of college, had relocated here from California, and didn't know anyone. She had been staying with another doctor and his family, and they thought she'd be perfect for us. My dad had to get back to work, but he didn't know what to do about me and Brenna. He didn't want to leave us."

"It must have been so difficult for him."

"He loved my mother," he said. "They met when he was in medical school and she was studying to be a nurse."

My heart broke for Jack and his two young babies, but I found comfort in the fact that it all worked out for them.

"Anyway, Sarah stepped in and cared for all of us; she was the best thing to happen to my father," he said. "She moved in because my father kept late hours at the hospital, and she did all the things a mom would do. She took us shopping, registered me for pre-school, took us to the pediatrician, and she was always here for us.

Apparently, I had a hard time sleeping after my mother's death, and I remember Sarah coming into my room and rocking me back to sleep."

I thought Alex was lucky; I had no memories like that of Liz.

"Because she had no family here, my father insisted that she spend holidays with us, and when we went on vacation, she came with us. Eventually, they fell in love, married, and had Evan."

"You didn't have to share all of that with me," I said. "But, I'm glad you did."

"I wanted you to know." He took the picture from me and placed it on the nightstand. He pushed the hair from my eyes and placed a soft kiss on my lips. "I told you that you were different, but the truth is, you make me different. I want things with you I've never thought about before."

"Alex," I said. "I'm still having a hard time believing you would want to be with me."

"I'm doing everything I can to show you," he said. "This is all very new for me, too."

"I know, Evan told me." I smiled.

"Normally, I'd say he has a big mouth, but in this case, I'm glad he told you about my past," he said. "I was a handful for my parents, and I wasn't always the gentleman you think I am. I had some pretty raging hormones, and I took advantage of a lot of girls."

"From what I've seen when we're in public, most of those girls were happy to let you take advantage of them."

"True." He sighed. "I never took what wasn't offered, and most of the time, I let them know that it would never go further than one or two nights, but still, I hurt a lot of girls, Julia being one of them."

"It's no excuse for the way she throws herself at you," I said. "She should have some self-respect."

Who am I kidding? I'd be throwing myself at Alex, too. Hey, I am!

"What Brenna said about your family and where you come from was ridiculous."

He looked away, and I could tell he was ashamed of his sister.

"You don't need to apologize for her," I said. "I know you don't look at me that way."

"I think you are an amazing girl who has so much potential, and I hope I didn't offend you when I suggested that my parents pay for your education," he said. "My motives were selfish."

"You're not selfish, but you understand why I can't take you up on that offer? It would only prove Brenna's point."

"No, it wouldn't," he said. "But, I understand. We still have three months before I leave, and I want to make the most of them."

"What did you have in mind?"

"I heard you're intrigued by my Harley?" He arched a brow and flashed a wicked grin.

"Evan's big mouth?" I laughed.

"Yeah." He laughed with me. "I bought you your own helmet. You up for a ride?"

"Um, yeah, I've been dying to ask you, but I wasn't sure if you still rode."

"My mom hates when I do, but if my girl wants to do it . . . ."

"Your girl definitely wants to do it!" I leapt to me feet, unable to hide my excitement.

He pulled me into his lap and seductively smirked at me. "What exactly is it that you want to do?"

I slowly pressed my lips to his mouth and ran my tongue along his lips. "Ride your Harley," I whispered, but I could feel through his pants that little cowboy had other ideas.

He kissed me for a few seconds, then groaned and pulled away. "We're not alone," he said. "So, it looks like we're actually going to ride the bike."

"Let's go!" I squealed and hopped off his lap.

"Such an eager girl." He laughed as he got up and smacked my backside.

"For so many things." I winked.

"I'll keep that in mind." He took my hand and pulled me down the stairs and into the garage.

This is going to be such a cool afternoon!

Chapter Six

Six weeks had passed since the day I met Alex in the kitchen. The more time we spent together, the harder it was to keep our hands off each other. Except when we rode his Harley. He took me out on his bike at least twice a week, despite Sarah's disapproval. She said he shouldn't be corrupting me that way and warned Jack would be seeing us in the ER. Alex said she had been making that prediction ever since he bought the bike four years ago. The weather was starting to change, so that meant I'd be taking him up on his promise to take me out on the boat soon.

We often went to dinner or the movies. We hung out with Zack and his girlfriend when I wasn't working at the coffee shop, mostly at the Jordan house, and we always had a good time playing games or watching TV. For the first time, I had a social life. I looked forward to my weekends and couldn't wait to see what Alex had in store for me next.

We were seeing more of one another during the week too. After my last confrontation with Brenna, I decided we should hang out at my house a few times a week, too. It wasn't that I was afraid of her; I just didn't want the drama that went along with her.

Alex would come over and help me with my homework and sometimes watch a game with Max. I liked when he came to our house, because that meant no curfew. Alex often waited out Max, who would eventually go up to bed, leaving Alex and me alone on the couch. Those were some of my favorite evenings. Alex stayed true to his promise about teaching me all I needed to know. Let's just say I was becoming extremely educated.

On that particular night, I was ready for another lesson.

"Max is asleep," I whispered as I trailed my hand down his chest.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah." I pushed him down on the sofa and climbed on top of him. "He's a pretty sound sleeper, too."

"Good." He twisted his fingers through my hair just the way I liked him to and yanked me closer to his lips. "I've wanted to kiss you all night." He ran the tip of his tongue along my bottom lip before pressing his mouth to mine and roughly kissing me.

There were times when he could be gentle and tender, and those times were great, but every once in a while he let loose with me, and it always left me wanting more.

I pulled away from his mouth and let my lips explore more of his body. First, I kissed his tight jaw, then the skin just behind his earlobe, before making my way down his neck and throat. If his heavy breathing wasn't enough to tip me off to how much he was enjoying my attentions, I'd have figured it out by the way he was pushing his hips into me.

I moved my lips back up to his mouth as I slipped my hand down his stomach. I took a deep breath and quickly allowed my fingers to brush over his crotch. I was curious, and I wanted to touch him. He jerked his hips forward and pressed against my palm. Panicked, I moved my hand to his thigh.

"Joce, I want you to touch me."

He reached for my hand and ran it over little cowboy while he continued to move into me. The sounds he was making were encouraging, so I moved my hand faster.

"So good, baby." He slipped his hand up under my shirt and ran his fingers over my nipples.

I wiggled my body lower, so I could kiss his chest. His other hand was still tangled in my hair, so he gently guided me lower. I had a pretty good idea of where he wanted me to go. I moved down, until I lay eye-level with his belt buckle. I slowly moved my hand up and tugged at the leather strap until I managed to unbuckle it. With unsteady hands, I unbuttoned his pants and lowered the zipper. I wasn't exactly sure what I intended to do, but I needed to figure it out fast.

"Joce." He gently tilted my chin up, forcing me to make eye contact with him.

"You don't have to do this."

"I know, but I want to make you feel good." I pulled at his jeans, so he raised his hips and helped me slide his pants down.

I'd heard other girls talk about blowjobs before. It didn't sound that hard. Riley, the school slut, once said it was like licking a lollipop. That didn't sound so bad.

Alex let go of my hair, rested his head on the arm of the couch, and closed his eyes.

I leaned down and placed a tentative kiss just below his bellybutton. I followed the faint line of blond hair that trailed down the center of his stomach and disappeared into his boxers. I realized the boxers had to go. I swallowed hard, then pulled them down past his thighs.

Whoa! Little cowboy isn't so little! Will that fit in my mouth?

I turned my head to the side, causing my hair to brush over him.

He mumbled something incoherent and sat up.

"It might be easier if you were down there." He pointed to the floor.

"On my knees?"

"I just want you to be comfortable."

You're the expert. I shrugged and scooted to the floor as he rested his back against the sofa, slouching down, closer to my mouth. When he shifted positions, his pants pooled around his ankles. I had to take them off so I could get in between his legs. I leaned forward, took little cowboy in my hand, and lowered my mouth to him. I noticed the tip was glistening, and I briefly wondered if it would taste bad.

Only one way to find out.

I swirled my tongue over the head a few times before wrapping my lips around half the length.

"Joce," Alex whispered as I moved my head up and down, "just like that."

The more I moved, the more his hips pushed into my face. He reached down and placed his hand over mine, showing me that I should move my hand too. He kept his hand on top of mine as he ran his other hand through my hair, setting the pace for how he wanted me to suck him off.

"Your mouth is so hot. You're so good at this."

"Hmm . . . ." I hummed around him.

"Oh . . . you have to . . . ." He suddenly pulled back, causing little cowboy to pop out of my mouth. He placed his hand over the tip as I continued to stroke him. "I'm gonna come."

I felt warm liquid shoot between my fingers and trickle down my wrist. I didn't know if it was because I was caught up in the moment, but I had to squeeze my legs together to stop my own wetness from seeping out. I liked the feeling of his semen on my hand, and I kinda wished he hadn't pulled away when he came. I wanted to taste him. The idea was very sexy.

He pushed the hair from my face and smiled down at me. "Sorry about the mess."

"That's what's supposed to happen, right?"

"Yeah." He laughed. "That's exactly what's supposed to happen."

I crawled up and sat in his lap. I didn't care that we were messy. I just wanted to be close to him.

He leaned into my face and kissed my lips, slipping his tongue inside my mouth and massaging it against my own. It was a slow, sensual kiss and it made me wetter.

"Was it okay?" I spoke against his mouth.

"It was better than okay." He kissed me again. "The best ever."

"I don't believe that." I smiled. "But it's sweet of you to say."

"I promise, Joce, when I'm with you, it all means so much more."

I rested my head on his shoulder, wishing I could keep him here forever. I hated the thought of him leaving in a few months, especially when everything was going so great.

Our physical relationship had progressed, and we were now to the point where it was almost painful to stop. His fingers inside me weren't enough anymore. I didn't want to wait any longer, and I knew Alex probably never wanted to wait in the first place, but he was being patient with me. I assured him I was more than ready. I knew after being with him, I'd have no regrets and I had hoped once we were together, he'd finally see how much he meant to me. I wanted to show him how much I loved him.

* * * * *

The science project was finally finished and turned in. We got an A, but that didn't come as a shock to either Jordan boy. They never got anything less, and I was happy I was there for the ride. Hey! Face it; I did work my butt off for that grade. Now our senior year was coming to an end, but that didn't bother me as much as Alex having to leave in July.

One particular evening, Alex picked me up and took me to his house. Evan and Cali were going to the prom, and I wanted to see them before they left. After hearing everyone at school talk about it all week and seeing a picture of Cali's dress, I couldn't help but feel a little disappointed I wasn't going. It wasn't something I would regret, because it had never really been anything I had wanted to do, but I did think it might have been fun to get dressed up and go with Alex by my side. I gave a mental shrug. I didn't need a prom or a pretty dress to be happy. I still had Alex, and that was really all I wanted.

We parked in the driveway and got out of the car, but I stopped when I saw Julia's SUV.

"What is it?" Alex asked.

"You didn't tell me Julia was going to be here."

"They wanted to see Evan leave for the prom." He squeezed my hand. "They'll behave, because Ryan's here, and he doesn't put up with any of Brenna's shit."

"Maybe I should just wait outside," I said. "I don't want to be the reason Evan's night gets ruined."

"You're not waiting outside," he told me. "Brenna knows how close I came to telling Dad what she said that day. She's not going to risk him cutting off her allowance, especially when she's due for a new car."

"Jack would withhold a car for that?"

"He puts up with a lot of Brenna's stuff—she's a daddy's girl—but he wouldn't tolerate her being anything but compassionate and respectful to another person, especially in our home."

"If you think it'll be okay." I shrugged. I wasn't totally convinced Brenna would behave, but I couldn't exactly wait outside without looking like an idiot.

"I won't let anyone hurt you." He smiled. "And besides, once they leave for the prom, everyone else has plans tonight, so we have the house to ourselves."

That could be interesting!

Evan and Cali looked like a Hollywood couple headed to a red-carpet event.

They were perfect together, and they looked so happy. Cali's dress probably cost more than all the clothes in my closet.

Alex was right; Brenna was on her best behavior . . . probably because Ryan was there, and Julia didn't have the nerve to pick on me in front of Jack and Sarah. She did everything she could to kiss their asses, no doubt hoping that someday they'd be her in-laws. She did shoot me a couple dirty looks when no one else was looking, but each time she did, I made sure I inched closer to Alex and touched him in some subtle way. I could tell my actions infuriated her. That thought made my night.

Alex walked outside with Ryan to see his new car, and thankfully Brenna and Julia went with him. Jack and Sarah went out to meet friends for dinner and said they probably wouldn't be home until much later. Alex and I had the entire house to ourselves, and, judging from our recent physical activities, I knew what we'd be doing.

I went up to his room and crawled into his bed. It was always so comfortable.

The sheets were so soft, the comforter fluffy, and the pillows just right, and all the bedding smelled of him. I took my shoes off and tossed them in the corner, then stretched out across the bed. I closed my eyes and thought about how much I wanted to be with him. I was scared for so many reasons: will it hurt really badly, can I please him, what if the condom breaks?

My stomach suddenly started to hurt. A condom? The reality set in. I was going to have sex with Alex, a man five years older than me. How many times had he done this and with how many girls? I didn't want to know. My throat was dry, and I felt nauseous. This is crazy. I shook my head, fighting back nerves. I had control of the situation. If I didn't want to do anything, I didn't have to. Alex would never force me.

He'd waited six weeks, and I knew that hadn't been easy for him, but if I had doubts, he wouldn't pressure me.

"Hey." He smiled as he walked into the room and climbed into bed with me.

"What are you doing up here?"

"Waiting for you," I said. "I hope that was okay."

"I'll never complain about finding you in my bed." He pulled me against his chest. "But did you want to order something to eat?"

"I'm not hungry," I told him. "How was Ryan's new car?"

"Sweet," he said. "And Brenna will be in her glory riding around in it. She's so materialistic."

"How could you not be, around here?" I reminded him. "You guys have everything."

"Does that bother you?"

"No," I said. "When I first started hanging out with Evan, I didn't want him to come to my house because I was embarrassed, and I think that's why we always hung out here. I hated pulling up in my old car and parking in your driveway, especially after seeing what kind of cars you all drove. My clothes, compared to Brenna's, or Evan's, for that matter, were laughable."

"Jocelyn, stop it," he said. "We don't look at those things."

"I know that now," I said. "And, with the exception of Brenna, I know you guys don't care about those things."

"No, we don't," he said. "But I do have something for you." He reached over to his nightstand, picked up a small box, and handed it to me.

"What's this for?" I asked.

"It's something I wanted you to have, and I hope you'll accept it."

"You didn't have to get me anything," I told him. "You already take me out all the time, and you always pay. I don't need gifts too."

"This is more of a necessity," he said. "Just open it."

I did what he asked and opened the box. I didn't know what to say.

"You have to be the only teenage girl on the planet who doesn't have a phone,"

he said. "I don't know how you manage."

"You bought me a cell phone?"

"It's extremely frustrating not being able to call or text you," he said. "I've taken care of the contract, so you don't have to worry about a bill."

"I had a phone," I said. "But, there was this writer's workshop over at the college I wanted to attend. The instructor was a published author, and it seemed really interesting."

"You write?" he asked. "Why have you never told me that?"

"I haven't actually written anything yet, I mean, a few short stories, but I don't know if I'm any good. When I saw the class being offered last fall, I really wanted to take it. My English teacher suggested it and said if my family could swing it, I'd really benefit from it."

"So, did you go?"

"Yes," I said. "And I learned a lot, but it was expensive. Max said I could do it, but between my car insurance and monthly cell phone bill, he couldn't afford the class too. He won't let me work too many hours at the coffee shop during school, so my paychecks are kinda small. They wouldn't pay for a phone bill half the time."

"So, you gave up the phone to take the class?"

"What choice did I have?" I asked. "I never really used the phone anyway."

"You will now," he said. "Especially when I go back to Connecticut."

"I can't accept this." I tried to hand it back, but he wouldn't take it.

"I insist," he said. "It's about safety too. You need it in case your car breaks down or you get stuck somewhere."

"I'm sure Max will pay for my service now that the class is over."

"He doesn't have to," he said. "This is paid in full. I've added it to my plan, so if you go over or something, it'll just be added to my bill. You have Internet too."

"Alex, I can't." It was a cool-looking phone, but I didn't think I should take it.

"Please."

"I'm asking you to," he said. "If you only use it to talk to me, then so be it, but it's yours."

I looked into his beautifully mesmerizing eyes and saw how much he wanted me to accept his gift. How can I argue?

"Thank you," I whispered. "This was very thoughtful of you."

"I need to feel connected to you," he said. "In every aspect of my life, and when I'm thinking of you during the day or at three in the morning, I want to be able to tell you."

"You can call me anytime. I'm always gonna want to hear from you." I smiled.

"You've totally taken over my life." I pressed my palm to his cheek, and he closed his eyes, leaning into me.

He slowly opened them, took the phone, placed it back on the dresser, then gently kissed my lips.

"Jocelyn, I . . . ." He stopped talking and moved in for a longer, deeper kiss. His hands were suddenly everywhere, and before I realized it, he had my shirt unbuttoned and over my shoulders.

I sat up and wiggled out of it; I was just as eager as he was to continue.

He got up and pulled me toward him, trailing his lips along my jaw, down my neck, and to the top of my shoulder. His warm breath made me tremble. He slipped my bra strap down over my shoulder and continued to kiss my skin, moving his body behind mine. Time seemed to be standing still. Alex's movements were slow and deliberate, and he left not one inch of my body neglected.

He moved his hands up and down my back as his lips brushed my neck. I felt him moving up to the clasp of my bra, and then it was off and on the floor with my shirt. He pressed his lips against my spine as his hands moved up to cup my breasts. He continued to move his mouth up my back and over my shoulder, then he turned my body so I was facing him. He placed his hand on my cheek as he stared into my eyes.

When I looked at him, I could feel how much he wanted to take care of me. His actions were soft and gentle. He slowly ran his fingertips under my breasts as he kissed me.

I couldn't take it anymore; my body was in overdrive. I reached for the hem of his shirt and slipped it up his stomach; he quickly pulled it over his head. I climbed into his lap and hooked my legs around his waist, longing to feel his skin against mine.

"Jocelyn," he said in a breathless voice. "I want you."

"I want to do it," I whispered against his lips.

He captured my face between his hands and asked, "Are you sure?"

I nodded.

He flipped me onto my back and reached for the button of my pants, then he lowered the zipper and pulled the tight jeans down my legs, dragging my panties along with them. My cheeks were burning with embarrassment; I felt so very exposed. I sat up and pulled him over me, attempting to cover my body with his.

"I think you're beautiful." He smiled. "You don't have to be embarrassed."

I closed my eyes and tried to relax, but my body shook against his. He slipped his hand down between my legs, like he had so many other times, and pushed his fingers inside me. He must have felt how tense I was.

"I'm gonna go slow, babe," he whispered. "We have all night."

"I trust you." I moaned as his fingers slipped deep inside me. He was so good at that, and over the past few weeks, my body had become accustomed to his touch. I immediately responded to him and craved his every move.

"You're so ready for me," he whispered against my mouth. "Soon, I'll be buried deep inside you." He set off every nerve ending in my body with his fingers and the vibration of his sexy voice.

He kissed me slowly and I tried to catch my breath. As he continued to kiss me, I felt him reach down between us and unbuckle his belt. I fought off another bout of nerves when I heard the sound of his zipper. He got up off the bed and slipped his jeans over his hips, then stepped out of them.

His erection strained against his boxers.

He grabbed the comforter and sheets and pulled them back, nodding for me to get under them before he clicked off the lamp. He climbed in with me, wrapping his arms around me. My body was cold from anxiety, but he was so warm and tender.

"I've never waited this long for anyone, Jocelyn," he whispered. "And I'm not telling you that to be obnoxious. I just want you to know I think you're worth the wait, and you can change your mind."

"I don't want to wait," I said. "I want this, I want you."

I only hoped I could please him.

Before I could think about anything else, his mouth was suddenly on my breast.

He swirled his tongue around my nipple as he moved his hand over and teased my other one with his fingertips. He trailed his lips down my stomach, moving lower and lower.

Oh, God, was he going to . . . ?

His tongue was pressing against my sweet spot as he used his fingers to spread me open. I automatically tried to close my legs, suddenly uncertain. He gently nudged my thighs apart and told me to relax.

Relax? How can I relax?

I’d heard other girls at school talk about their boyfriends going down on them, and I'd thought, how gross is that? I mean really, who would want to put their tongue there?

As soon as I felt Alex's warm tongue push inside me and move at a pleasurable speed, I forgot all about my reservations over him giving me oral sex.

"Oh . . . ahh . . . ."

He pushed his fingers inside me again and moved them in rhythm with his very skilled tongue. For a brief second, I had to wonder how he got so good at this particular act, but then I decided it didn't matter. I was just glad he'd had so much practice.

My stomach tightened, and I felt another wave of desire come over me as it shot right between my thighs. I thrust my hips upward as Alex reached around to my backside and pushed me against his mouth.

I screamed out his name as I came into his mouth. I had never experienced anything as intense as that before. My body tingled all over.

Alex leisurely made his way back up my body, sucking on my hipbone, licking his way up my stomach and over my nipples and to my neck. He propped himself up on his elbow and smiled at me.

"Are you sure?" he asked again.

"Please," I answered breathlessly. I pulled him to me and kissed him with more force than I ever had before. I thought it would be nasty kissing him after he had tasted me, but actually, I kinda liked it. I slipped my hand down his chest and over his erection. He closed his eyes and let out a low moan. Last week was the first time I’d touched him like this, and since then, I was becoming quite good at helping Alex relieve some of his tension.

"Not tonight, beautiful." He pushed my hand away. "I have other plans."

He softly kissed my lips, then reached into the drawer by the bed. I lay flat on my back and listened as he ripped the package open and placed it on the nightstand. I felt him wiggle out of his boxers, then he rolled the condom onto little cowboy. I propped myself up again, not knowing exactly what I should be doing . Should I touch him? Should I wait for him to touch me? I managed to stroke his thigh with my fingers.

He moved his lips to my ear and whispered, "I'm not gonna hurt you. You have to trust me."

"I do." I swallowed hard and closed my eyes.

He pushed me onto my back, then moved on top of me. He brushed his lips against mine, and with his knee, he spread my legs apart. I felt him reach down between us and take his very hard member and slide it against my entrance. I immediately tensed up, but he continued to move his tip inside me. He did this for a few seconds, coating himself with my juices.

He moved his mouth to my ear and whispered. "You're so wet that I'll slide right in. Take a deep breath."

I did as he asked, and while I was inhaling, he managed to slide in as far as he could without hurting me. At first, I didn't like it at all. He was big and thick, and it felt like a major intrusion. This feels all wrong!

"Let it out, beautiful." He moaned. "God, you're so tight." He grunted a few times, and I felt bad because it seemed like this was work for him.

As I exhaled, Alex pushed farther into me. It hurt really badly, and it burned a bit, but I tried to stay still. I wanted to scream out in pain and tell him never mind!

"Do you need me to stop?" he whispered. "This could be enough for tonight."

"No!" I squeezed my eyes shut and clenched my teeth. "I'm okay."

Shit! This shit hurts!

He reached down and grasped my hips as he thrust harder.

"Alex," I screamed out. I threaded my fingers through his hair and pushed my mouth against him. He hiked my leg up over his hip, giving him better leverage as he continued to thrust inside me.

"Jocelyn, baby, you feel so good."

The pain subsided, but it was still uncomfortable. I knew that was to be expected, and I didn't care, because when I looked up at Alex, I could see how good this felt for him. His eyes were shut, he was breathing heavy, and his jaw was tight. He was absolutely beautiful, and he was mine. I'm making him feel this way. Only me.

He slowed down his pace, and his strokes grew more deliberate with each thrust.

I felt his body tighten. Then he screamed out my name as he gripped my hair. A few seconds later, he collapsed onto my chest. His breathing was erratic, and he didn't move for a few seconds. Then he pulled out of me, holding the base of his softening member so the condom wouldn't slip off. He gently kissed me before getting up and going into the bathroom. He was back in the room and in bed holding me within seconds.

"That was perfect," he whispered against my hair.

"Are you sure it was okay?" I asked. "I know I wasn't that good."

"You were better than good," he said. "I didn't hurt you too much, did I?"

"No, it wasn't as painful as I thought. You were very gentle."

"I'll always be gentle with you." He smiled. "I'm . . . ." He left the sentence hang, something he'd done quite a lot lately, and that was so frustrating.

"What is it?"

"You're just really special to me," he said. "I hope you know that."

"I do." I returned his smile. "I feel the same way about you."

"Do you promise me you'll tell me if you're not okay?" He seemed really worried about me.

"I'm better than okay, Alex," I said. "I'm glad it was with you."

"I'm honored that you gave me something so special."

He took my hand and pressed it to his lips. I started to giggle.

"What is it, silly girl?" He laughed.

"I lost my virginity on prom night." I snorted.

"That is kinda funny. But, since you didn't actually attend, it's not as clichéd as you think."

"I guess you're right." I snuggled into his chest and let out a deep, relaxed breath.

"I love being in your arms."

"Hmm . . . ." He sighed.

"It's not time for me to go, is it?" I hated the thought of leaving him after what we had just shared.

"No." He reached out, grabbed his phone, and pushed a few buttons.

"What are you doing?"

"Setting the alarm," he said. "I can hold you for a while, but in case we fall asleep, you won't miss curfew."

"So responsible, Alex Jordan." I laughed.

"I'll never do anything to get on Max's bad side." He pulled me closer to him.

I cuddled close and played with the hair at his nape.

Chapter Seven

I had just showered and was getting ready for bed. It was a little after eleven and unseasonably warm for May. I pulled on a tank top and a pair of shorts that said Pink across the butt. I wasn't one to shop for sexy underwear, but once Alex and I became intimate, I started spending more of my little paychecks at that particular store. I never bought anything outrageous, but I liked having my bra match my panties, and Alex never complained. Looking sexy for my man made me feel good.

My phone beeped with a text message . . . .

I'm on your porch.

I got off my bed, looked outside, and saw an unfamiliar car in the driveway.

What was he doing here?

He'd gone out with his friends tonight to celebrate Dan getting a job at a law firm in Denver. He told me he'd probably be out late, but would make it up to me by taking me boating the next day.

I ran downstairs and peeked through the small window by the front door. Alex was standing there, smiling at me. I quickly opened the door, and he stepped inside, turning to motion for the car to leave.

He grabbed me, pushing me back into the house as he kicked the door shut with his foot. He picked me up and kissed me hard on the mouth.

I could taste the alcohol on his breath. I wrapped my legs around his waist and ran my fingers through his hair as he walked us toward the steps.

"The chief is on the overnight shift, right?"

"Yes, but—"

He covered my mouth with his, pushing his tongue inside and swirling it around.

He carried me up the steps and to my bedroom. "This one?" He pointed to my room.

I nodded. "What are you doing here?"

He moved me to the bed and gently placed me in it. He kicked off his shoes and unbuttoned his shirt, then slipped it off his body, leaving him in a black, tight-fitting T-shirt.

"It's hot in here." He climbed into bed with me.

"Not that I'm complaining," I said, "but how did you end up in my bed?"

"Zack and James got tired of me talking about you." He smiled. "So they dropped me off here on their way to a club. They'll be back for me around two."

"You talked about me on your boy's night out?"

"Incessantly." He laughed, and from the look in his eyes, I could tell why he wasn't driving.

"You're drunk."

"Just buzzed, but I don't drive when I drink more than I should."

"So, what would you have done if I wasn't here?" I asked.

"I would've hunted you down," he said. "Where else would you have been?"

"I go places?" I smiled.

"Hmm," he said. "Two-timing me?"

"I'd have to be out of my mind," I said. "Where am I going to find a guy who leaves his friends and beer to come and hang out with boring old me?"

"You are far from old," he said, as he kissed my neck. "And, you're certainly not boring."

My body was tingling all over as he continued to kiss and suck on my neck. He moved his hand down my stomach and placed it on my hip. He worked his way back up to my lips, and I couldn't stop thinking how sexy it was to have his stubble rub across my face. It was also intoxicating to taste the alcohol on his breath. It added to the forbidden feeling of having him in my room, late at night, without my father home.

Everything combined to make me extremely aroused.

"These are cute." He grinned as he tugged at my little shorts. "I want you out of them."

I sat up and slipped them over my hips and down my legs, revealing my tiny, pink panties. I wanted him to touch me, and if taking my shorts off got me closer to that goal, then I'd do it. Sex was still new to me. We'd done it only a few times since our first encounter. I got my period shortly after that night, so I didn't feel comfortable having sex that week, and then it was hard for us to find alone time. We did have sex once when his parents were home, but I didn't feel at ease when we did, so Alex didn't press for me to do it again.

"This too." He placed his finger under the strap of my tank top.

"I don't have a bra on." I felt my cheeks heat up.

"Good." He smiled. "I want to see those boobs."

I bit my bottom lip and slowly pulled the shirt up over my head and tossed it on the floor.

His gaze wandered over my exposed body, and he reached for my face and whispered, "I can't stop thinking about you." He pressed his lips to mine, moving his hand down my chest, using his fingertips to gently trace my nipples. He laid me back on the bed and moved his mouth down my throat and to my right breast. He softly sucked just above my nipple, leaving a bright red spot behind. It turned me on to see he had marked me. I wanted to be his.

I reached down and pulled at his shirt. "You have too many clothes on."

He got off the bed and pulled his shirt over his head, then reached for his belt buckle. I got up on my knees to face him and unbuttoned his pants, then slowly lowered the zipper as I placed hot, open-mouthed kisses along his chest. He tangled his fingers in my hair and frantically pulled it when I brushed my hand over his erection that was now begging to break free from the confines of his boxers. I reached for them, but he took my hand and smiled. He kicked his pants off, pushed me back on the bed, and crawled on top of me.

His skin was so warm, and he smelled so good. He pulled my leg up over his hip and ground into me.

"I missed you," I whispered.

"We don't do this nearly enough," he said on a moan as he pushed his erection against my heated center. Not that I was complaining about the contact, but after making love to him, dry humping was no longer enough. I reached and pulled my panties down, hoping he would take the hint. He kissed me harder as he continued to rock into me. He was frantic with need, but I didn't know why he was waiting. We were alone, horny, and definitely ready.

He slipped my panties down the rest of the way and tossed them aside. I grabbed his underwear and tugged at the waistband.

"Jocelyn," he said breathlessly. "I don't . . . ."

I reached inside his boxers and wrapped my hand around cowboy. After having sex with Alex, I no longer called it little cowboy.

Whatever he was going to tell me must have gone right out of his head, because he silently pulled his boxers off and let me continue stroking him. I was aching for him, dripping with desire, and the only way this feeling was going to subside was if he relieved me.

He lowered his body back down, placed his hand over mine, and guided his erection to my waiting center. He rubbed it against my desperately needy slit.

We both let out collective moans from the contact.

He ran his mouth along mine and gently bit my bottom lip.

"I didn't think I'd see you tonight," he whispered. "And it didn't take you long to get me worked up and naked."

I kissed him back as I lifted my hips so that our most intimate of areas could touch again.

"Fuck, Jocelyn." He groaned. "I don't have a condom."

Part of me was kinda glad because that meant since he wasn't seeing me tonight, he didn't think he'd be having sex at all, but the other part, the aroused teenage girl, was very disappointed.

I reached up and stroked his cheek. "It's okay; we can do other stuff, right?"

"I want you, Jocelyn," he whispered against my lips. He ran his tip along my slit.

"You're dripping."

"That happens when you're close to me."

He continued to rub against me, and I could see the struggle in his eyes. I was so caught up in Alex that nothing mattered but having him inside me. His kisses were soft and sensual now, and the way he moved against me was maddening. We shouldn't have been entertaining the idea. It was a risk neither of us needed, but somehow, rational thoughts seemed to go out the window when hormones were involved.

"Alex." I moaned. "Please!" I thrust my hips against him, trying to find some friction. He slowly entered me, but then stopped and closed his eyes.

"Oh, you're so warm. I've never done it this way before," he whispered.

A first? I can give Alex a unique sexual experience? The thought of that drove me crazy. I wrapped my legs around his waist, causing him to slide deeper inside me, but he didn't move.

"Jocelyn, we shouldn't . . . I can't." His mouth was saying one thing, but his body was responding entirely differently.

I kissed him and looked into his eyes. "I trust you," I whispered.

"Fuck!" He moved in and out of me. I could feel everything. It was wonderful.

There were no barriers, just Alex and me. We were one.

I closed my eyes and got caught up in the moment. I dug my fingers into his shoulders and quivered against him. He'd made me come with his fingers and his tongue before, but usually during intercourse, I was so nervous that I couldn't fully let go. That wasn't the case tonight.

"Alex!" I screamed, and I could feel his body tense above me. He gave me a few fast, hard thrusts, and then quickly pulled out of me and shot his warm cum all over my stomach. He was breathing heavily when he rolled off me and pulled me against his body. I draped my arm over his chest and hugged him tightly.

"I'm sorry," he whispered after a few seconds.

"I'm not."

How can I regret something that felt that good?

"You need to know that since I've been sexually active, I've never not used protection. I don't break that rule."

"I believe you," I whispered. "But how come you broke it tonight?"

"Because I've never wanted anyone as much as I want you," he said. "Rules don't seem to matter when it comes to you."

"We both lost control."

He gently pressed his lips to mine, then got up and went to the bathroom to get me a towel. He wiped my stomach clean, then got back in bed with me. I stared up at the ceiling, and, coming back to reality, I realized how careless we'd been. He pulled out, but that didn't always work. I just hoped the odds were in our favor and thought maybe I should consider going on the pill.

Chapter Eight

I was finally finished with high school. I held my diploma and made my way through the crowd. My gaze immediately locked with his. He was making his way through the masses to get to me with that sexy grin spreading across his face. When he finally reached me, he picked me up and plastered his lips against mine.

Hmm . . . he tastes so good.

He lowered me back to the ground and handed me a bouquet of yellow roses.

"They're beautiful." I smiled. "Thank you."

"You told me the dress you're wearing underneath that gown is yellow."

"You remembered?"

"I remember everything about you." He brushed his lips against mine. We were interrupted by the sound of Max clearing his throat. I closed my eyes and giggled when I heard Alex softly groan.

"Hey, Dad." I turned to face him.

"Congratulations, Jocelyn." He awkwardly smiled. "Hey, Alex."

"Hello, Chief Andrews," he said, as he shook his hand.

"I think you can call me Max. After all, we have watched a game or two over a few beers, so I think you've earned it."

Alex smiled.

"Are you ready, Jocey?" Max asked.

"Actually . . . ." Alex stepped in. "My parents were wondering if you'd like to go to dinner with our family?"

I glanced over at the Jordans, who were chatting with Evan and Cali. They looked so proud of their son as they smiled and took tons of pictures. He looked entirely too good in that cap and gown. Only Evan Jordan could pull off that look and make it desirable. I almost took Alex up on his offer, until I saw Brenna, Ryan, and Julia approach Jack. There was no way I was spending my graduation dinner with Julia and Brenna. I didn't care if Ryan was there to keep them in line.

"Thanks, Alex." I smiled as I squeezed his hand. "But we made reservations, and I'd like to go to dinner with my dad." As much as I wanted to be with Alex, it had always been Max and me, and I wanted to share this time with him.

"Of course." Alex smiled. "My mother just wanted to extend the invitation."

"That was very nice," Max said. "I'll go over and thank her, and then I'll meet you at the car, Jocelyn."

"Okay." I watched him walk away.

"Will I see you later?" Alex asked.

"I hope so." I kissed his jaw, wanting to feel his stubble against my face. "Will you pick me up from the restaurant?"

"Just text me when you're ready, beautiful." He kissed my forehead.

"You're not mad I'm not coming with you?"

"I know why you don't want to go." He frowned. "I'm sorry she came with us."

"It's not your fault Julia is attached to Brenna's hip." I laughed. "But, now at least you'll have someone to sit with at dinner." I knew that was why Julia came. Evan had Cali, Brenna had Ryan, and Alex would have her. How perfect.

"That's not funny. You know I'm not interested in her."

"I know," I said. "Don't keep your family waiting. I'll see you in a little while."

"Jocelyn," he said, "congratulations."

He headed back toward his family. As soon as he approached, Julia hooked her arm through his and pulled him to the exit. Alex barely looked at her; he talked with Evan as they walked out of the building.

Max and I had a quiet dinner, but then for some reason during dessert, he decided to get chatty. I love my father, but I wanted to get to Alex.

"You sure you don't want dessert?" he asked as he stared down at his apple pie.

"No." I smiled. "But you dig right in."

"Alex is leaving soon?"

"A few weeks," I said. "I'm trying not to think about it."

"You really like him, huh?"

"I do. More that I expected."

"What do you mean?"

"When he asked me out that first time, I thought it was to tease Evan, and it might have started that way, but he's really interested in me, and that's shocking."

"Jocelyn?" He shook his head. "Why is that so surprising?"

I smiled and looked down.

"Look," he said. "I don't want you to think for some reason you're not worth Alex Jordan's time. You're smart, kind, and beautiful. He's lucky to have you in his life."

"Dad," I said. "Please."

"Look, all I'm saying is, if Alex really likes you, it's because of who you are, and you shouldn't feel like it's a mistake."

"Thanks." I glanced down at my phone.

"Call him or text him or whatever it is you do." He rolled his eyes. "You've spent more than enough time with your old dad."

"Thanks." I placed my hand over his. "I love you, you know."

"I love you too, Jocelyn, and I'm really proud of you."

Alex picked me up from the restaurant and took me back to his house. Jack and Sarah were having a small gathering to celebrate Evan's graduation. When we pulled up, there were at least thirty cars surrounding the property. I waited for Alex to open my door and help me out of the car.

"I thought you said a little gathering." I looked at the cars and suddenly felt anxious. Max rarely entertained unless it was poker night, so I wasn't used to those types of crowds.

"This is small for my parents." He laughed as he took my hand and led me up the path to the front door.

"Who are all these people?"

"Just family and friends, and some of my father's colleagues from the hospital,"

he said as we walked into the foyer.

The house was filled with tons of people I didn't know. I looked around and then back at Alex.

"Don't be nervous." He pulled me to him and kissed my forehead. "You look beautiful. I love this dress."

"Thanks. I picked it out for you."

"It's very sexy." He gently kissed my lips. "You better stay close to me, so everyone knows you're mine."

"Jocelyn," Sarah called as she walked into the foyer. "Alex, let go of her for two minutes so I can give her a hug."

"Yes, Mom." Alex rolled his eyes, and I was disappointed when he let go of me.

Sarah pulled me into a hug and said, "Congratulations, sweetie. Did you bring your dad?"

"No." I smiled. "He doesn't really do social functions."

"Come on." She pulled me through the kitchen with Alex following close behind.

"I want you to meet some people."

I turned to Alex for some sort of assistance, but he just looked at me apologetically and mouthed, "I'm sorry."

Sarah pulled me around the house like a little rag doll, introducing me as Alex's girlfriend to all her guests. I felt awkward, but I liked being introduced that way, especially when Julia was around.

Ha! I bet Sarah never introduced her to Jack's colleagues as her son's girlfriend.

His one and only . . . his one true love. Well, maybe I was getting ahead of myself, but still.

After half an hour, Sarah was finally finished with me, but I had lost Alex. Evan came up from behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist.

"Where have you been, klutzy?" He spun me around and took in my attire.

"Wow, Jocelyn, where did you get that body?"

"Shut up!" I hated it when he embarrassed me.

"No, really." He laughed. "Where have you been hiding those?" He pointed to my cleavage.

Actually, my boobs did seem a little fuller from when I bought the dress a month ago. How strange. "Stop it!" I hit his shoulder.

"I'm just sayin', you're kinda hot." He winked.

"And I'm not sharing, little brother," Alex said, as he came up behind me and pulled my back against his chest. "And you," he said, as he turned me around. "I leave you for five minutes and you're flirting with my brother?"

"You shouldn't leave me alone then."

"Alex," Evan said, "I had no idea she could look this good."

"Thanks, asshat," I retorted.

"No, it's a compliment, really. You two needed each other."

"Whatever!" Alex waved him off.

"No, listen," he said. "She needed you to come out of her shell, and you needed her to calm the fuck down. You're the perfect couple, and you have me to thank."

"Are you done?" Alex asked. "Because I want to be alone with my perfection."

"You know I'm right." Evan laughed. "It’s right there for everybody to see."

Alex took my hand and led me outside to the gazebo in the back yard that overlooked the pond. He sat down on the bench and pulled me into his lap.

"Did you have fun with my mom?"

"You left me with all those people."

"Sorry," he said. "But my mom had you in her clutches, and there wasn't anything I could do about it, so I went to get a beer and got sidetracked talking to Ryan."

"And his entourage?" I asked, trying not to sound jealous.

"No, Brenna and Julia were upstairs," he said. "Doing who knows what."

"I really like your mother," I told him. "She makes me feel special."

"That's because you are special." He smiled. "And Evan was right." He stopped to take a drink from his beer, then offered a sip to me, but I shook my head. Instead, I took the bottle and placed it next to us on the bench.

"I'd rather taste it on your lips," I said as I pressed mine to his.

He ran his fingers through my hair, deepening the kiss as his other hand rested just under my skirt.

"Hmm," I moaned as I pulled away. "How do you know Evan was right?"

"From what Mom says. She's thankful that you calmed me the fuck down." He laughed. "She was getting tired of me chasing after every daughter of every woman on the board of every charity she was associated with."

"You did that?"

"Pretty much." He shot me a wicked grin. "You have no idea just what a handful I was."

"Didn't anyone ever turn you down?"

"Once." He chuckled. "But I think she liked girls."

"Of course." I rolled my eyes. "And you don't miss that?"

"Miss what?"

"A different girl every night? Going out and hooking up with a stranger? No strings, just fun?"

"It was getting old," he said. "And I'm having fun with you."

"Really?" I smiled.

He took my hand, and his face turned serious. "Jocelyn, I've been doing some thinking."

"Uh, oh!" I giggled.

"Have I ever mentioned how adorable you are?"

"Not tonight."

"Hmm, well, tonight, you're sexy, and I'm going to show you how much I want to take this dress off later." He slowly kissed me. "But, right now, I need to tell you what I've been thinking about."

"Okay," I whispered.

"I'm going back to Yale to do the internship in a few weeks."

"I know." I frowned. "Don't remind me."

"But I've decided to come home after that."

"What about medical school?"

"I can think about that later," he said. "The doctor I've been shadowing at the hospital just got a grant to complete a major project, and he needs a research assistant.

He starts in January, and he's offered me the job."

"You'd be working here?" I said, trying to hold back an excited scream.

"Yes." He smiled. "I'd be working with him for at least a year. My dad thinks it's a great opportunity, and when I'm done, I can look for a job using my Master’s, or I can go to medical school."

"Are you sure?" I was jumping up and down inside my head, but I wanted to make sure this was want he wanted. He'd been going back and forth about school, and if he had concerns, I wanted to be here for him to talk about them.

"Yes, I'm sure." He nodded. "It's time for me to come home, Jocelyn, especially now that I have someone to come home to."

I couldn't stop the grin.

"But I know you're young, and you've just graduated. There are so many things you still have to experience, and I do have to leave for four months, so I don't want you to feel obligated to wait for me."

"Do you want me to wait?" I knew what I wanted, but I didn't want to assume anything for him.

"I don't want to be selfish," he said as he looked down. "But I want this, us, to work."

"I do too," I whispered.

He looked into my eyes, and I saw the relief in his gaze . How can he not think I'd want him? "I know things progressed really fast between us, but it’s working. I only wish I didn't have to leave."

"I want you to go," I said. "I'll miss you like crazy, but this is something you have to do. I want it for you."

"If the situation were reversed, I don't know if I could be so selfless," he said. "I'd want to keep you with me."

"I don't believe that." I smiled. "You always do what's right for me."

"I want to be what's right for you," he whispered against my temple.

"You are." I pulled him into a hug. "I'll wait for you, Alex." He had my heart, even if I wasn't sure he was ready to hear it.

He moved his lips along my jaw and to my lips, and before I realized what was happening, I was on my back, and he was hovering over me. He brought his lips to mine and kissed me eagerly. He wanted more, evident by the way his erection pressed against my thigh.

"Baby." I tried to push against his chest, but it was a weak attempt; my body was humming for him. "Someone will see us."

He stopped kissing my neck and gave me a thoughtful look, as if he were contemplating the situation. He climbed off me and extended his hand. "Let's do this in my bedroom."

"There's a house full of people."

"Exactly." He playfully tapped the tip of my nose. "No one will know where we are."

"Oh," I said, as the realization sank in.

Alex laughed and took my hand. He wrapped his arms around my waist as we walked to the patio doors. It took us a while to get to the house; every time Alex kissed my neck, I had to turn around and seek out his lips. We finally made it to the back staircase and to his room, and, just as Alex had predicted, no one saw us enter the house.

"I have to get inside you," he mumbled against my lips.

He pushed me into the bedroom and shut and locked the door behind us. Before he could turn around, I had my arms wrapped around his waist and was kissing the back of his neck. I was so gentle my lips were barely touching his skin, but his whole body was responding to me. He spun around and pushed me up against the desk on the opposite side of the room.

I was momentarily shocked by his abruptness, but quickly recovered when he nipped at my neck and slid his hands underneath my dress.

"I love when you touch me," I whispered. "I want to be yours."

"I’ll make you mine." He slipped my panties down my legs and pulled them off my feet, dropping to his knees in the process. "You look too fuckin’ hot to take that dress off."

I whimpered as he worked his way back up my legs with his lips, bunching the hem of the dress under his hands and exposing my now-bare center.

"It’s way too tempting not to taste." He gripped my hips and pulled me to his mouth.

"Ahh," I moaned softly as he slowly licked my slit, swirling his tongue just inside my opening and then flattening it against my clit. I bucked against his face and moved against his tongue.

Fuck, he's gonna make me cum!

My soft pleas caused him to work me faster. He continued to lick and suck on my clit as he grabbed my ass and pulled me into his face.

I ran my fingers through his hair, and then, as my legs gave out, I pulled hard and screamed out my release. Thank God it's so noisy downstairs!

He stood up and faced me. I tried to catch my breath and compose myself as I wrapped my arms around him and rested my head on his shoulder.

"Oh, no." He picked me up and plopped me on the edge of the desk. "I’m not done with you."

He reached into the nightstand and grabbed a condom. I couldn’t take my eyes off him. He pushed my legs up on the desk, spreading them apart and resting my heels on the edge. He gradually moved his lips over mine, just barely brushing against them, and then trailed them down my jaw and to the crook of my neck. As he kissed the skin just below my ear, he moved his hands up to my breasts and teased my nipples through the thin material of my dress with his thumbs. I couldn’t help but squirm under his touch.

I unbuckled his belt and quickly pushed his pants down, unable to wait any longer. He made quick work of securing the condom, before stepping out of his pants and kicking them aside.

I looked up at him and smiled. He let his gaze fall over my body before he pulled the material of my dress up over my waist and rubbed his cock against my warm center.

"Maybe I should just rip the dress right off so I could lick, fuck, and suck as much of you as I can get."

"Just hurry up!" I didn't care if the dress stayed or went; I wanted my man inside me.

"I don't want to be slow tonight."

My eyes widened in shock when he took me by surprise and quickly thrust into me, pulling my body close to his. "Alex," I screamed as my hands slipped from his shoulders. I was stunned by his fast approach.

"Can’t," he grunted. "Be. Gentle. Now." He pounded into me, but never stopped looking into my eyes. I watched his expression as he relentlessly fucked me. He was intense and forceful, and I couldn't get enough. I always wanted him to be closer.

He grabbed my thighs hard as he continued moving inside me. There was no doubt his firm grip would leave bruises on my delicate, pale skin later, but it’d be worth it.

"Joce," he managed to breathe out. "I want to be deeper . . . closer . . . ."

"Alex!" I clutched his shoulders for stability. He grabbed my hip with one hand and placed the other on my inner thigh as he pressed his lips to mine. He savagely attacked my lower lip, biting it, then sucking it into his mouth. It was as if he couldn’t get enough of me. I liked this animalistic side of him.

"Jocelyn." He spoke against my mouth. "So good, baby."

"Hmm . . . ." I moaned as I tightened my hold on him.

He continued his swift, hard thrusts, but the position we were in was taking a toll on my body. I grew tired, but I managed to hook my legs around his waist and rest my head on his shoulder.

"Alex," I whispered breathlessly as my body shook against his. This climax was much softer than my first, but no less intense. I pressed my mouth to the warm skin of his shoulder and gently kissed him.

"Shit!" he mumbled into my neck as he emptied into the condom. He came so hard and fast I thought the rubber would overflow with his long, hot spurts. After he came, he couldn’t stop moving his hips into me. When he finally pulled out, I flinched.

He quickly threw away the condom in a nearby trashcan, then turned back to me.

I was fragile and sex was still new to me, and my body was still getting used to our times together. Alex’s jaw was tight, and he looked upset. He took my face between his hands and whispered, "Jocelyn." He kissed the tip of my nose. "I’m sorry."

"You should be."

"Fuck!" he mumbled under his breath.

He picked me up off the desk, carried me over to the bed, and tenderly placed me in it, before crawling in next to me.

"I didn’t mean to—"

I cut him off, placing my fingers on his lips. "You’ve been holding out on me."

After a beat of silence, he grinned. "Where have you been all my life?"

"Waiting for you." I giggled.

"I didn’t hurt you?" Worry etched across his beautiful face.

"A little and I’ll probably bruise." I rubbed my hand over my hips and thighs.

"But it’s worth it."

He gently kissed my waiting lips, then pulled me onto my chest. "You make me wild."

"Good!"

Graduation night turned out to be better than prom night, and I wouldn't have thought that was possible.

Chapter Nine

We sat on the beach, down at the lake, on Alex's last day at home. He had to leave the next morning for Connecticut. The weather was beautiful, so we decided to spend the day together with no interruptions. We went swimming and were having a picnic. I could feel Alex’s eyes on me as I rummaged through the basket that his mom packed for us.

I'd pulled my long, brown hair up in a ponytail, and I wore nothing but a white bikini. To say I was pleased when Alex’s eyes popped out of his head when I slipped off my shorts and shirt was an understatement. I loved getting him all worked up.

"What do you want?" I asked, my head still buried in the basket.

"You." He grabbed my arm and pulled me to him. He placed open-mouthed kisses down my neck, stopping just where the bathing suit barely covered my breasts.

He ran his tongue down my cleavage, and I let out a small moan in response.

Now . . . I want him now.

"I meant what did you want to eat?" I giggled.

"Do you really want me to answer that?" He laughed as he pulled me between his legs, resting my back against his chest.

"Alex Jordan, you’re so dirty." I smiled.

"You like my foul mouth," he said. "I know how hot you get when I whisper those dirty words in your ear when we’re fuc—"

"Don’t you say it!" I turned and pressed my fingers to his lips.

"Why?" He laughed.

"Because we’re not doing that right now." I reminded him.

"We could be." He slid his hand down my stomach and tugged at the waistband of my bikini bottom. He placed soft kisses at the nape of my neck, and I tilted my head to the side, giving him access to my lips. He greedily attacked my mouth as he slipped his hand down my bottom and slowly ran his fingers along my moist slit.

"We can’t," I whispered. "Not here."

"No one will come out here." He spoke against my jaw and cupped my breast, his thumb rubbing my nipple.

"Mmm . . . Alex." I moaned.

He smiled, obviously clued in to the fact I was changing my mind. He untied the top straps of my bikini, letting it fall across my stomach.

"That’s better." He reached back up to circle my nipple with his fingertip. "Spread your legs for me, beautiful."

I did as he asked, allowing his fingers to slip deeper inside me. He licked and sucked at my neck while he continued to pleasure me with his hands. He pressed his hips against my back, trying to create some friction for his growing erection. I pushed my backside into him and wiggled my hips.

"See what you’re doing to me?"

I turned around to face him. "I want you inside me, Alex."

"Tell me how you want me." He smiled. I was coming into my own sexuality, but I was still shy and unsure about some things. Alex always pushed me to speak up and tell him what I liked.

I bit my bottom lip.

"That's so fucking sexy," he whispered. "I love when you bite that lip."

"I want whatever you want." I always wanted to please him, and I liked the way he made my body feel, the different ways he pleased me.

"No." He shook his head. "You want this?" He pointed to the bulge in his pants.

I most definitely want that! I nodded.

"Then you tell me how." He lay back on the blanket with his hands behind his head, daring me to speak.

Fine! I’ll show him what I want!

I climbed on top of him and sat straight up. "I want it like this," I said with more confidence than I’d ever expressed when we were intimate.

"You want to ride me?" He swallowed hard, undoubtedly caught off guard by my aggressiveness.

I ran my hands down his chest and over his stomach, then rubbed my fingers at the skin above his waistband. "Is that okay with you, cowboy?" I bit my lip again, knowing what that did to him.

He remained mute—had I rendered him speechless?—but he managed to pull the strings on either side of my waist, freeing me from my bikini bottom. I lifted up and pulled them out from underneath me, then tugged at his shorts. He raised his hips and helped me get him out of them. I looked down at his full, hard erection and smiled before leaning down to kiss him. I took his shaft in my hand and rubbed it against my eager pussy.

"Oh no, you don’t!" He reached behind us and dug into the bag, searching for the foil packet. "I’ll never be unprepared with you again."

I shook my head when he held out the packet. "I . . . ." I felt the heat creeping up my neck. "I can’t."

"Yes, you can."

I took the packet from him and ripped it open. I looked down at him, and with shaky hands, I managed to get it over the head of his erection.

"Perfect." He smiled as he slipped it on all the way, then gripped my hips and helped guide me onto him.

Once seated, I rocked back and forth, quickly finding my rhythm with Alex’s help. I closed my eyes and continued to move into him, and he met me thrust for thrust.

I loved when he filled me so completely.

"Baby," he moaned, "let your hair down."

I did as he asked, allowing my long, dark hair to fall over my shoulders.

He stopped moving and stared up at me as if he had something to tell me.

Finally, he whispered, "You look like an angel," as he grabbed my hips harder.

I tensed, and then my body shook with my release. "God, Alex!"

"I’m gonna come so fuckin' hard," he yelled. "And it’s all because of you."

He erupted inside the condom, and I collapsed onto his chest, panting and sweating. He kissed the top of my head and said my name over and over again. He pulled my chin up so we were looking at one another. He was still buried inside me, and I could tell he didn’t want to move. I didn’t want him to move. This was our last day together, and I didn’t want it to end.

"Jocelyn, I . . . ." He looked like he wanted to tell me something. In my heart, I wanted to believe I knew what he was feeling, but I couldn’t assume.

"Say it." I smiled, certain he was about to say what I wanted to hear.

"That was amazing."

Those weren't exactly the words I was looking for.

"Yeah." I frowned, trying to hide my disappointment. "It was."

I rolled off him and tied my top back into place. He touched my arm, and I had to take a second to compose myself before I looked over my shoulder and back down at him.

"Smile for me," he said. "I need to see you smile."

I did as he asked, but the expression was forced. He hurt me; whether it was intentional or not, it still hurt.

I handed him his bathing suit and put my bottoms back on.

"Jocelyn."

"Can we eat lunch now?" I asked, unwilling to let him ruin this moment anymore than he already had. "I’m dying to try your mom’s chicken salad."

Chicken salad? Am I serious?

He pulled his shorts over his hips and sat up. He took my hand and gently caressed it. I couldn’t look at him.

"I’m going to miss you," he said. "More than you can imagine."

I guessed he was trying to give me something, but it wasn’t enough, not with him leaving in a little over twelve hours.

"I’ll miss you too." No doubt that's why I felt so emotional. I was sad he was leaving, and I was being way too sensitive.

"This is all really hard for me," he said. "I don’t usually have to relate sex to feelings."

"It’s more than sex though, right?" I asked, revealing my vulnerability.

He nodded.

I gave him a small smile and reached for the picnic basket.

"What do you want to drink?" I asked, wanting to change the subject. I felt the tears stinging my eyes, but I managed to stop them from falling before he saw I was upset. I didn't want our last day together to be ruined.

Chapter Ten

I continued to stare at that little plastic stick with the two pink lines as the tears streamed down my cheeks. This can't be happening! How could I have been so stupid?

"Jocey." Max banged on the bathroom door. "Alex is on the phone."

"What?" I jumped up and threw the pregnancy test and the box into the bag from the drug store and shoved it to the bottom of the trashcan. My heart pounded and my hands shook.

"Are you okay? Are you sick?" he asked. "You've been in there a long time."

Great, he picks now to notice my bathroom habits?

"No. I'm fine." I washed my hands before opening the door.

Max handed me the phone. "Alex said you didn’t answer your cell." He looked me over, and I nearly panicked, thinking he knows.

"Thanks." I took the phone and headed to my bedroom. After closing the door behind me, I dropped down on the bed and took a deep breath.

"Alex."

"Hey, baby." I could almost see the smile forming on his face. "You didn’t answer my text last night or your phone today. Are you okay?"

"I’m fine." I lied. "How are you?"

"Good. Been a little busy today and I have a full day tomorrow, so I wanted to say hello and hear your voice."

I closed my eyes and tried to fight back the tears that were threatening to spill.

Apparently, pregnancy made you emotional; all I wanted to do was cry and scream.

"Jocelyn?"

"I’m here. I just miss you."

"Do you wanna Skype?"

"Not tonight, baby. I’m tired, and I’m not feeling that great." I couldn’t risk looking into his eyes. If I did, I would tell him everything, and I couldn’t do that to him.

He had this fantastic opportunity, and a baby would change everything for him. Not to mention what it was going to do to my life. How can I be a mom? Can I go to school? Can I do this? Can we do this? He might not want me or the baby. We hadn’t been together that long, and I didn’t want to set myself up for disappointment. Everything was happening so fast, and I couldn't think about what a baby would mean for both of us.

"What’s wrong?" I could hear the concern in his voice.

"Just tired," I said. "I’ll be fine."

"Okay. You get some rest, and I’ll call you in a day or so."

"Sounds good, and you have a good night."

"You too . . . . Jocelyn?"

"Yeah?" I closed my eyes in an attempt to make the room stop spinning. If the room stayed still then I wouldn’t throw up.

"I miss you," he whispered.

I had to hold back a sob. "I miss you too. 'Night."

"Good night, beautiful."

I hung up before he could say anything else.

He’d be home from his internship in four months, and I could tell him then. I had only taken a home pregnancy test. I needed to get to a doctor. This could all be a big mistake. Pregnancy tests were wrong sometimes, so there was no need to worry him just yet.

I’d figure it all out, and then I’d tell Alex everything.

* * * * *

Nine and a half weeks pregnant. A February baby, the doctor said. Valentine's Day, to be exact. Last February, I didn't even know Alex, and now I was going to have his baby.

After the shock wore off, I managed to walk out of the doctor's office with my various pamphlets on the different stages of pregnancy and how to stay healthy, my sample of prenatal vitamins, and a brochure about a local adoption agency. I was sure when the nurse saw my age and my marital status, she tossed that brochure in to help me.

I headed to the local park and sat down on the nearest bench. My nausea was in full gear today, and I wasn't sure breakfast would stay put for much longer. I knew I was pregnant before the appointment, but actually having a doctor confirm my condition was exactly what I needed. His diagnosis made it real. I had so much to figure out.

First thing I had to do was tell my father. The doctor said I was going to start showing soon, due to my petite size and weight, so hiding it for a while wasn't an option. Plus, I needed to tell him I'd be working my job at the coffee shop full time instead of attending college. Luckily, I had chosen to go to the local community college instead of one of the other three out-of-state schools that had accepted me. Max was willing to take out a loan for me to attend a university, but since I was undecided, and didn't really want to leave home, I couldn't see spending the money to go away. He said I could change my mind any time, and he would help me go. The decision to stay home may have paid off since I wouldn't be going anyway.

Max and I lived in a small house, and we saw each other every day. I needed to tell him before he put two and two together. I also knew I had to tell Alex, but this wasn't a conversation I wanted to have over the phone. I placed my head in my hands and tried to figure out the best way for everyone.

Just as I was about to head to work, I felt my phone buzzing in my pocket. I pulled it out. Evan's name and number flashed on the screen. I had to answer, or he would call Alex, and then they'd both realize something was wrong with me.

"Hello?"

"Where are you?" he asked.

"I'm headed to work." I got up from the bench and started for my car.

"Is everything okay?"

"Yes, why?"

"Alex wanted me to check on you. You didn't return his call last night, and he was worried."

"I'm fine," I said. "Can you call him and tell him?"

"Why can't you?"

"Because I'm late for work, and I don't want him to worry. Tell him I'll call him tonight."

"Jocelyn, what's up? I haven't seen you in two weeks. I know you're bummed about Alex leaving for Yale, but he'll be back, and you guys will pick up where you left off. He's crazy about you, so don't go worrying that he's not coming back to you."

Tears stung my eyes. Evan was right, but I didn't want Alex to come home and find me six months pregnant. We were just getting to really know one another when he left. He was conflicted about leaving for the internship, but I encouraged him to do it.

He’d be gone four months, and we could explore our new relationship when he got back. I promised him I wasn't going anywhere and really he was all I wanted, but now, it wasn't fair to hold him to promises he made when it was just the two of us. I wasn’t sure what I wanted at this point. There were so many decisions to make and questions that had to be answered. Neither one of us was prepared for this.

"Jocelyn? Are you okay?"

"Yes, but I'm late for work. I'll text you later."

"You better," he said. "I want to get together this week. And Mom's been asking for you."

"Okay," I said. "I'll come over. I promise."

I didn't see the harm in visiting one last time before I started to show. By the time anyone could tell I was pregnant, Evan would be busy getting ready for college, and he wouldn't have time for me. If I stopped by his house, he could report back to Alex I seemed fine, which would ease Alex's mind for a bit. After that, I'd have to figure out how to stay hidden in a town as small as this.

Chapter Eleven

A week after my doctor’s appointment, I finally got up the nerve to visit Evan. I pulled up to the Jordan house and took a deep breath. After I gathered my courage and composed myself, I climbed out of the car.

I walked up to the porch and sat on the rocking chair. I wanted to take a few more minutes to pull myself together and make sure I didn't blurt out my condition to Evan. He was the closest thing I had to a best friend, but I couldn't tell him this secret. If he wasn't the uncle of the baby I was carrying, it would have been a no-brainer. I would have told him the minute I peed on that stupid stick, but because he was Alex's brother, it would only be natural that Evan’s loyalties would lay with Alex. Evan would either force me to tell Alex, or he'd tell him himself. A risk I simply couldn't take.

I thought back to the times we hung out and ate pizza or watched a movie, times when the three of us could laugh and joke. Just a few short months ago, I had it all.

Evan was my good friend, and he helped me through the first few awkward weeks in my new relationship with Alex. In the four months Alex was here, I had more fun than I'd ever had before. How did things change so fast?

"Jocelyn?" Evan came out the front door. "Why are you sitting on the porch?"

"Evan!" I'd been so lost in thought, I didn't hear him come outside. I got up off the rocking chair much too quickly and immediately felt lightheaded. He grabbed my arm and held me up.

"Are you okay?" I saw the worry in his face.

"Yeah." I smiled. "Just got up too fast."

Way to go, Jocelyn!

He stared at me, trying to decide if I was lying.

"What? I'm fine."

"You look tired. Are you sick?"

"No." I shook my head. "Just working a lot of hours at the coffee shop."

"Oh, trying to get in as many hours as you can before school starts?"

"Yeah, something like that." I shrugged off his question.

He pulled me into a hug, and I tensed then forced myself to relax. Don't be silly, I chastised myself. There was no way he could tell I was pregnant by hugging me, not yet, anyway. I put my arms around him and rested my head on his shoulder.

"I miss you," I whispered, and my eyes filled with tears. I am so freaking emotional these days.

"Hey?" He looked into my wet eyes. "What's going on?"

"Nothing." I smiled. "Just having a bad day."

"Want to talk about it?"

"Maybe later. How are things with you?"

"Okay," he said. "Just getting ready for school. Classes start in a few weeks. I wish you were coming with me."

"You don't need me." I smiled. "You can commute with Brenna and Julia, and Cali's going with you."

"I always need you." He returned my smile, but he didn't have his usual sparkle.

He looked out of it. "You keep me in line."

"What is it?"

He let go of my hand and leaned against the railing. "I broke up with Cali. She's picked a different school to attend."

"What? Why? You guys were getting along great."

"Things change, people change."

"That fast?"

We'd only been out of touch for a few weeks. But, then again, look at the huge news I got in those few weeks.

"We had a scare," he said. "And that put things into perspective for us."

"A pregnancy scare?" I swallowed hard. "But, she's not?" For just a second, I almost wished she were pregnant. Misery loves company, and all that. How screwed up can you get, Jocelyn?

"No, she was just late," he said, relief evident in his tone. "But we realized while we liked one another and had fun with each other, we weren't so sure we were in this for the long haul. A baby would have changed everything."

Tell me about it.

"No doubt," I said, knowing exactly where he was coming from. I had spent many sleepless nights these past few weeks, trying to decide if I was what Alex wanted.

I knew we liked each other, but did he want to be tied to me forever? The more time I had to get used to having a baby, the more I wanted to share this with Alex. I wanted him to be involved and tell me it would all work out. "Sorry I wasn't around for that."

"Yeah, you kinda flaked on me," he said, but his smile took the sting from his words. "But luckily your other half was there to talk to me."

"Alex?"

"Who else?"

"What was his take on the whole situation?" I was curious to know. Maybe it would help me get my act together.

"He was very supportive when we didn't know for sure," he said. "He called me like three times a day to make sure I was okay and to see if I needed to talk things through."

"That's Alex." I smiled, wishing I could call him and tell him my current situation.

"But once we knew for sure Cali wasn't pregnant, Alex agreed we were too young and had our whole lives in front of us, and if we weren't sure we wanted to spend forever together, it was best to break up and do what was right for each other."

"Oh." I suffered a pang of disappointment. "Alex didn't think you were meant for Cali?"

"He said we had time to figure it out, and if it was meant to be, it would happen.

We didn't need a baby to complicate matters."

"No, I guess not," I said. Complicate matters? Is that how Alex would view this? A complication?

"It all worked out." He sighed. "But I would have done the right thing and supported Cali any way she needed me to. Alex was adamant about that. Responsibility and all."

A complication and a responsibility? This is not looking good.

"Hey." He took my hand. "It's over, and I'm moving on. There'll be lots of new girls for me to charm the pants off at school." He winked.

"Pig!" I laughed, despite my growing melancholy.

"Well, I can't have you. You're taken."

I smiled. "You didn't want me before Alex came home."

"Maybe I didn't realize what a catch you were," he said.

"Please." I rolled my eyes. "It would never have worked."

"Come on." He pulled me toward the door. "My mother is waiting for you."

"Good. I've missed miss her too." We walked into the house. I didn't know why, but I immediately felt at home once I got inside. Probably because everywhere I looked I was reminded of Alex and all the time we spent there. I liked being surrounded by him, and I wanted to take it all in, since this was probably the last time I'd be there until he came home.

Chapter Twelve

I came home from an eight-hour shift and collapsed on my bed. Never in my life had I been this tired. I'd felt like my eyes were going to shut right there at the cash register. The nausea wasn't getting any better, and my back was starting to hurt, and I wasn't out of my first trimester yet.

"Jocelyn," Max called.

God, I hope he doesn't want me to make dinner now!

"Jocey?" He knocked on my door.

"Come in."

"Hey?" He walked in and sat on the edge of the bed. "Are you sick again?"

I wish he'd stop asking me that!

"No." I sighed. "Just a long day."

"Maybe you should cut back those hours?" He smiled. "I appreciate your work ethic, but ever since Alex left, all you do is work. I know you miss him, but maybe you should go out with some friends?"

I still hadn't told him I wouldn't be attending school. If I told him, I'd have to tell him why, and I still hadn't managed to work up the nerve to tell him he was going to be a grandfather.

"Once school starts, you'll be busy. You should be having fun now."

Oh, I think I already had enough fun!

"I just saw Evan the other day," I said. "I have to work all weekend. I'm trying to get the hours in now."

"You can't sit around and wait for Alex," he said. "November is a long way off."

"Not that long," I mumbled. "Look, I'm fine, Dad. I'm just tired. Would you mind if I didn't cook tonight?"

"No," he said. "I'll order something for us."

"Okay."

"What do you want?"

"Something with pineapple, I think?" I'd been craving pineapple all day.

"Pineapple?" He laughed. "That's odd."

"Why?"

"Your mother used to crave that when she was pregnant with you," he said. "But I don't think I've ever seen you eat it before."

"Oh." I tried to think quickly. "I ate it at the Jordans. They love fresh fruit, and I found out I really like it."

What were the chances Liz and I would have the same craving? We had nothing else in common.

"I guess I could run to the store and pick some up," he said, as he rubbed his chin. I prayed he wasn't making the connection.

"No," I said. "You pick what you want to eat. I'm sure it'll be fine. I'm just really hungry."

"Okay." He smiled, but he didn't look happy. "Are you sure everything’s okay?

You can talk to me, ya know."

"Yes." I patted his hand in an effort to assure him. "It's a girl thing."

He held up his hand. "Say no more, please."

I laughed as he bolted from the room like he had a tiger on his tail. Max had always felt uncomfortable talking to me about anything that had to do with the female body. It didn't make growing up so easy, but luckily, I had the Internet. Actually, that was coming in handy with all my pregnancy questions. I really didn't have any place else to turn. Liz wasn’t an option, since she hadn't been there for any other significant moment in my life. I often thought Sarah would be the perfect one to talk to. She was so nurturing and tender, and I didn't think I'd feel embarrassed to ask her anything. I wished I could tell her.

I closed my eyes and tried to think of happier moments. My childhood was okay, and Max did the best he could, but I felt like I missed out on so many different things. I wanted more for my baby. I wanted him or her to have two parents and live in a nice house and eventually have siblings. My mind never shut down, especially when it came to the future. I wanted to have a life with Alex, but how could I expect him to want the same things I did? It wasn't fair to assume he would want to be with me and raise a baby. Our relationship was good before he left; we were learning about one another, growing as a couple, and having fun. We had so much to look forward to, but now it was all so different, and Alex had no idea his life was about to change. Both of our lives were in for a makeover.

* * * * *

A massive migraine woke me up at 3:00 a.m. I threw up twice, tossed and turned, and finally fell back to sleep sometime around sunrise. It was almost noon by the time my head finally settled down. My mouth was dry, my eyes burned, and my boobs were sore. Pregnancy did not agree with me. And to think, people did this more than once.

I decided I’d stay in my pajamas all day. I needed some time to think. Max was working a twelve-hour shift, so I wouldn't have to worry about him interrogating me over my disheveled appearance. After I had my usual morning cry, I got out of bed and hit the shower. It helped me to relax a little, but when I stepped out, I still had the same problems waiting for me. When I dried off, I noticed that my stomach was developing a tiny bump; it wouldn't be noticeable to most people, but I was aware of it. This made me cry all over again. I was an emotional mess.

I went back to my room and put on a pair of pajama bottoms and Alex's Yale shirt. I felt closer to him when I wore it, and I liked the idea of something of his being so close to our baby. I ran my hands over my stomach and smiled.

In the beginning, I was so stunned I was pregnant I didn't have time to process that I was actually having a baby. I had to get used to the idea of being pregnant first.

And lately, I’d been stressing over telling Max. It had to be done, and my life would be filled with a lot less stress once he knew, but unfortunately, his life would be screwed up.

Then there was Alex. He’d been gone since July, and in the beginning, we spoke almost every night. Our phone time had dwindled, and it was my fault. He’d made an honest attempt, constantly calling me and texting me, but as the weeks went by, I distanced myself from him. I felt bad about the space I put between us, but the less I talked to him, the less likely I was to blurt out I was pregnant. He was doing so well with this internship, and if he knew about the baby, he'd be on the first plane home from Connecticut. I wanted him here with me more than anything, but the timing was off. There wasn't anything he could do, and if he didn't want to be involved, I wouldn't force him. The problem was, I wanted him to be involved, and I wanted him to want this baby.

I grabbed my phone, deciding I'd call him. I missed him and wanted to hear his voice. If I was being selfish, I didn’t care. I needed something for me today.

"Jocelyn." He answered on the first ring.

"Hey," I said. "How are you?"

"I'm good, just really busy."

"Am I bothering you?" I asked.

"No," he replied. "I'm just surprised to hear from you. I usually call you."

"I've been busy with work," I said. "But, I'm off today, and I was thinking about you. I'm wearing your shirt."

"Hmm," he said. "If I wasn't in a crowded hallway, I'd ask you what else you had on."

"I'm not in a sexy mood."

"That makes me happy with me being so far away and all."

"So, you're doing well?" I asked.

"Yeah, just have a lot going on."

"I won't keep you," I said. "I wanted to hear your voice."

"I'm glad you called," he said. "I was thinking you'd given up."

"On us?"

He didn't say anything.

"Alex?"

"I know I said I didn't expect you to wait," he said. "And I know it's such an exciting time in your life with school, and you'll be making new friends, but . . . ."

"Alex." I interrupted him. "I haven't given up. I've just been going through some stuff."

"What stuff, Joce?"

Damn it! Now he'd want to be my psychiatrist. "It's not important. I just miss you."

"Jocelyn," he said. "I can fly home this weekend, if you want. We could spend two days together."

No, no, no! He couldn't do. If he did, then he'd know, and he wouldn't go back.

As much as I wanted him here, there was no harm in letting him finish the internship.

"No, Alex." I answered much too fast.

"Why not?" I heard the hurt in his voice. I was just making things so much worse.

"Because I have orientation and there are some functions on campus I want to go to." I lied.

"Oh, okay," he said regretfully.

"And it would be too hard to say goodbye to you again." I rubbed my stomach.

"When you come back, I want you to stay."

"Me too, beautiful," he whispered. "Will you be home later?"

"Yeah, I'm staying in and getting some things done around the house."

"Can I call you tonight?"

"I'd like that." I smiled.

"Have a good day, babe."

I closed my eyes and held back a sob. I hated being so hormonal. "You too," I quickly said before hanging up. I couldn't risk saying anything else.

How ridiculous is this? Alex thought I’d given up on him. Wasn't it supposed to be the other way around? He had this reputation of being with almost every girl in town and God knew who else at Yale. By the time I met him, he could have had his pick of any gorgeous girl he wanted; he’d even dated Miss California or something like that for a month. But for some odd reason, he chose me. He came home that day and found me in his kitchen, and as far as I knew, he didn't see anyone else but me the whole four months he was home from school. I knew how crazy that was for him.

He’d changed his whole way of life for me. He was patient with me, took his time, and made me feel special. He’d never actually told me he loved me, but he cared for me. The relationship Alex had built with me was more genuine than any other he’d had with any other girl. A few months ago, I wouldn't have been confident enough to think that way, but Evan had assured me of that, and the reason Julia hated me so much was because I had what she wanted. And now I was breaking his heart. For the first time in his life, he put it all out there, and, in his mind, he thought I was the one who was going to be unfaithful. The distance I was putting between us was killing us both, but I could only hope when he came back he’d understand what I was trying to do for him. What I was trying to do for the three of us.

Chapter Thirteen

I walked out of the women's center and stood in the entryway for a few minutes.

I'd gotten to hear our baby's heartbeat. The doctor said it was strong, and our little one was healthy and doing just fine. I was thirteen weeks pregnant and everything with the baby was progressing as it should. All of my test results had come back normal, and I got to schedule an ultrasound to see him or her. In four weeks, they'd be able to determine the sex of my little miracle. Unfortunately, that would only bring us to the end of September, and Alex wouldn't be home. He wouldn't know his baby existed. The doctor said that while I should schedule the ultrasound, I didn't have to find out the sex. I hadn't decided what I wanted to do about that yet. Obviously, we had never discussed the possibility of a baby, so I had no idea if he would want to know what we were having. I still had a few weeks to make that decision.

I was so lost in thought I didn't see Jack approach as he stepped off the elevator.

"Jocelyn."

Oh, no! What is he doing here?

I'd purposely picked a facility in a neighboring town, so I could reduce the odds of bumping into anyone I knew or who might know Max. But the main reason I picked this practice was so Jack couldn't find out. It wasn't affiliated with his hospital.

"Jocelyn," he said again and smiled, and his beautiful green eyes reminded me of Alex. It amazed me how much they resembled one another.

I zipped up my hoodie, making sure my tiny bump was concealed, even though it was still too small for anyone other than me to notice.

"Hey, Dr. Jordan. How are you?"

"Jocelyn," he said. "Why is it that my wife is Sarah and I'm Dr. Jordan?"

"Sorry." I looked down at my feet.

"Are you okay?" He glanced at the door I had just walked out of.

"I'm fine," I said. "Just a check-up."

"Here?"

No doubt he wondered why I was in a women's clinic in another town.

"I . . . ." I didn't know how to respond. "A friend referred me."

"I'm sorry," he said. "I didn't mean to pry, but I can give you a referral, if you'd rather see a doctor closer to home."

"Um, thanks, but it's just an annual thing, so I'm good." What were the chances? I hurried to change the subject. "I didn't realize you worked here."

"I'm consulting for a friend in the offices down the hall."

"Oh, well, I won't keep you."

"I heard my son wanted to come home last weekend." He smiled and shook his head.

"He did," I said "But we both decided it would be better if he didn't."

"I agree," he said. "He never would have wanted to leave after seeing you for only two days."

I nodded. My palms were sweaty, and my stomach was doing that gurgling thing. The thing it always did right before I threw up.

"Don't be a stranger. You don't have to wait until Alex comes home to visit us."

"Thanks." I smiled, but I wouldn't be heading to their house anytime soon. "Tell Sarah I said hello."

"I will."

"'Bye, Jack." I bolted toward the elevator. I pushed the button and stepped in as soon as the doors slid open. My heart pounded, and I felt nauseous. I was certain Jack would figure out what I was doing here, if he hadn't already.

I ran to my car and headed for home. I needed to tell my father before someone else did. Max would be devastated, but the longer I waited, the more hurt he would be.

It was going to be the hardest thing I ever had to do, but it had to be done. I could make this work. He needed to know I was pregnant, and I intended to keep my baby. I just hoped he would support me.

I knew I was running the same risk with Alex finding out as well, but with him being so far away, I felt he had less of a chance of learning my secret. Evan took a last-minute trip with some guys before school started, and Brenna and Julia never set foot in my part of town, so I didn't have to worry about them coming into the coffee shop. I knew there was a possibility that one of Alex's friends would see me, but it wasn't likely. I was confident I could keep this from him until he came home. It was almost September, so I only had two more months to get through, and then I would tell him everything.

But, first . . . .

"Dad!" I found him in the living room watching some sort of game on TV.

"Hey, where you been?"

"I had a doctor's appointment." I figured starting with the truth might be my best course of action.

"Are you sick?"

"No, not really." I sat on the couch next to him.

"Jocey." He muted the game. "What's up?"

"Dad." I hesitated because I didn't know how I was going to do this. He was going to be so disappointed.

"I know you miss him," he said. "But it'll be November before you know it."

I nodded.

"Classes are starting next week, so that'll take your mind off Alex for a while."

My eyes filled with tears when I thought about Alex coming home to me and our baby. He was going to be so shocked, and there was a possibility he'd be really hurt and mad I didn't tell him right away.

"Jocelyn," Max said. "Please don't cry. Maybe I could come up with a way to send you to Connecticut for a couple of days before school starts?"

"No." I shook my head and wiped my tears. It was really sweet of Max to offer, but that wouldn't solve my problems.

"I've been thinking about it for a few weeks," he said. "You've been so sad. Maybe if you saw him?"

"I'm not going to school next week." I blurted out the words before I lost my nerve.

"What?" he asked. "Why?"

"I can't," I sobbed. "I made a big mistake."

"Did you forget to submit something? I'm sure we can get it taken care of."

"No," I cried. "I'm pregnant." Somehow I managed to blurt that out, too.

He stared at me, but didn't say anything. I continued to cry.

"I'm sorry," I sobbed. "I didn't mean to . . . ."

He held up his hand, got to his feet, and paced the small room. I didn't say any more. I knew he had to let this sink in.

"I knew it!" he yelled. "You were throwing up, you're tired all the time, and the pineapple. I just didn't want to believe it."

He continued to pace, then stopped at the window and gazed out. He shook his head, obviously having a rough time dealing with my revelation. He didn't say anything for a few minutes, and I could tell by the look on his face he was upset.

Finally, he spoke, but his voice cracked with emotion.

"You’re so smart," he whispered. "How did you let this happen?"

Sometimes 'smart’ has nothing to do with it.

"Jocelyn?"

You were working the overnight shift, Alex showed up drunk and hot. He was incredibly sexy and cute. He carried me up to my bedroom, I took off my little PJs, and, well, the rest is history . . . .

"Jocelyn!" Max called out, pulling me from my thoughts. "How did you let this happen?"

"I don't know," I said. "We had an accident, I guess?" There was no way I was telling Max I had unprotected sex with Alex, and he didn't pull out fast enough.

He walked back over to the couch, but didn't sit down. He kept rubbing his chin and fidgeting with his hands. He was clearly distraught.

"How far along?" He stared at my stomach.

"I'm just past my first trimester," I said. "I'm due in February."

"February?" He shook his head in disbelief. "You've been to a doctor, then?"

I nodded.

"You're okay?"

I nodded again.

"What did Alex say?" When he said his name, I could see that vein popping out on the side of his head.

"He doesn't know," I admitted softly.

"What? Why the hell not?"

"I didn't realize I was pregnant until after he left, and I didn't want to tell him on the phone."

"You have to tell him."

"I will," I said. "When he comes back."

"In two months?"

"You said it'll be here before we know it." I reminded him.

"That was when he was just your boyfriend, but now it's different. He needs to be involved in your decisions."

"He will be," I said. "But this internship is so important for his future."

"What about your future, Jocelyn? You have your whole life ahead of you."

"It's just that Alex is so smart, and I don't want to mess this up for him."

"He's not that smart." He laughed, but the sound didn't hold much mirth. "He managed to get my eighteen-year-old daughter pregnant, didn't he?"

"He didn't do it by himself," I said.

"He was older and more experienced," he said. "He should have known better."

"It's done!" The tears started again. Damn, I'm so emotional. "We can't change it."

Max sat down next to me and pulled me into a hug. "Ah, Jocelyn." He sighed.

"Are you disappointed?" I asked on a sob.

"Yes. This is not what a father wants to hear from his little girl."

"I'm not little anymore."

"You'll always be my little girl," he said. "But, you're right, it's done now. What do you want to do about it?"

"What do you mean?"

"Have you given any thought to what you want to do? Do you want to raise this baby?"

"Yes," I cried. "Please tell me you'll let me do that."

"Jocelyn," he said, as he rubbed my back. "Shh, calm down. I'll support your decisions, and I'll help you any way I can."

"Okay." I hiccupped. "I know it's a lot to ask."

"You're my child," he said. "We'll get through this. We'll figure it out."

I relaxed against my father's side. I’d been so afraid to tell him, but now, for the first time since I found out about the baby, I felt a small sense of relief.

"Jocey," he said. "I get what you're thinking about not wanting to ruin Alex's opportunity, but I think you need to tell him before he finds out another way."

"Dad, please." I begged. "I want to tell him in person. I want him to be with me because he wants to be, not because he feels obligated."

"Whether you tell him now or when he gets home, won't that still be an issue?"

"I guess, but he'll leave Connecticut and come right home, I know he will," I said.

"And if things don't work out between us, I don't want him to resent me for that."

"I don't know." He sighed again, and I figured I better get used to that sound.

"His family lives here. You're good friends with his brother. How are you going to pull this off?"

"Evan's busy with school," I said. "I don't plan on seeing him anytime soon."

My phone beeped with a text . . . .

Hey, beautiful, haven't heard from u this week miss u.

I turned off the phone and closed my eyes.

"You can't ignore him. This is his baby, too."

"I know," I whispered. "Please let me do it this way. I'll tell him as soon as he comes home."

"Have you considered the possibility that he may not want to be in a relationship once he finds out about this baby?"

I nodded; that possibility was always front and center in my mind.

"And you'll be okay with that?"

"I won't force him," I said. "I want to raise this baby with him, but I know he might not want to do that. But he's a good person, and he comes from a close family. I don't believe he would abandon his baby."

"I trust your judgment, Jocelyn." He smiled, but he looked sad. "I'll support this decision, and, whether Alex wants this or not, I'll be here for you."

For the first time in my life, I saw Max's eyes fill with tears.

"It'll be okay," he said.

I knew how disappointed he was over this. What parent wouldn't be? But he didn't scream at me or make me feel worse than I already did. He accepted I made a mistake, and I was doing everything I could to make it right.

"Thanks, Dad." I cried and hugged him tighter. "I'm sorry."

"Accidents happen," he said. "We play with the hand we're dealt. We always have."

I was lucky to have Max. He could've freaked out or demanded I tell Alex, but he didn't. He may not have been the most attentive father, but he did the best he could. He was there for me when I needed him, and that was more than I could have hoped for.

"You hungry?"

"Always." I smiled.

"Come on." He laughed as he got up from the couch. "Let's go out and eat."

That night was one of the best nights I’d ever spent with my dad. We talked and laughed about things that had happened during my childhood, before shifting to what the future held for us. He said eventually I could go back to school, and he would help me as much as he could. Maybe, if I took night classes, he could watch the baby. He also said we'd have to make room in my bedroom for a crib, and the downstairs would be taken over by a playpen, high chair, bottles, and toys. I hadn't thought about any of that. He said we'd have to get used to middle-of-the-night feedings and bouts of crying.

So many things to consider!

I couldn't help but notice everything Max was describing was taking place in a picture that didn't involve Alex. I thought that, unconsciously, he was trying to prepare me for the fact that I may be raising this baby solo. I hoped he was wrong.

Chapter Fourteen

The next six weeks flew by. Everyone had gone away to school, and as I’d expected, Evan was so busy commuting and enjoying college life that he didn't have much time for me. We did text occasionally, but once I distanced myself from Alex, he stopped bothering with me. He was upset by the way I was treating his brother, but I could only hope they would understand. It was already October, so I didn't have much longer to go.

My tiny bump grew bigger every day, until it became a prominent bulge. My hips were a bit wider, and my boobs were bigger, too. My nausea had subsided, but I still threw up when I had a migraine or smelled something that didn't agree with me.

Pregnancy had heightened my sense of smell, and that wasn't always a good thing, especially when I brewed a pot of exotic coffee at work and my stomach decided to flip.

It was always a miracle when I made it to the toilet. My little one was already making me work!

I had gone to my ultrasound and seen my baby's heart bop up and down on the screen. For the first time during my pregnancy, I shed tears of joy. I wished I could have shared that moment with Alex. I opted not to find out the sex; I still felt that was something I wanted to discuss with him. The baby was healthy and right on target to arrive around Valentine's Day. I was really curious to know if I was having a miniature Alex or a little girl. It didn't matter to me either way, but when I did imagine a small, sticky face smiling up at me, I always saw Alex's vibrant green eyes.

I spent most of my time working and sleeping. I was exhausted after spending an eight-hour shift on my feet. Some nights, they were so swollen I had to sit with them propped up for hours at a time. Max was my new BFF. He stopped going on fishing trips and hanging out with his friends so I wouldn't have to be alone. I told him that wasn't necessary, but he insisted. And I found I really liked his company.

Who would have guessed?

We told a few of his close friends about the baby, and they offered to help us in any way they could. Anna Stevens, an old family friend whose husband had recently passed, dropped by one or two evenings a week to hang out. Max thought I needed a woman around, in case I had questions. It ended up being a good idea, since she had three of her own kids and answered some questions I had about the actual delivery.

Some of those questions, I wish I hadn't asked.

We did call Liz to let her know she was going to be a grandmother. She didn't really have an opinion one way or the other, but that was expected. She hadn't been there for me in years. She didn't bother coming for graduation, so I didn't really expect her to be there for me at this time in my life. She was more interested in the fact that I managed to let a Jordan get me pregnant. She said something about me hitting the jackpot, and she remembered how attractive Jack was. I couldn't listen anymore, so I handed the phone to Max, and they proceeded to get into an argument over Max's parenting skills. She accused him of not paying attention and that was how I ended up pregnant. He hung up on her. I cried a few hours that night, but I took comfort in the knowledge that I would never abandon my child. Moms weren't supposed to leave, and I wouldn't be following Liz's example.

I went upstairs and crawled into bed with my barely functioning laptop and waited for it to load up. I was hoping I could save for a new one, but that wouldn't be happening anytime soon. I needed a crib and a bunch of other necessities for when I brought the baby home.

After about ten minutes, I was finally able to log onto e-mail, and my heart skipped a beat when I saw a message from Alex. He hadn't called in over two weeks, and I didn't think he had texted me in a week. I was surprised he would use e-mail as a mode of communication. I clicked on the message, noticing it'd been sent last night.

Beautiful Jocelyn,

I smiled at the salutation, but I was almost afraid to continue on. I had a ball of nerves forming in the pit of my stomach, and I felt like I might throw up dinner. God, Jocelyn, just get it over with. I steeled my nerves and continued to read.

I've given up on calling you. I feel like a stalker with the number of voicemails I left for you. And you won't answer my texts anymore either, so I decided to e-mail you instead.

I don't know how to go about this because, to be honest, I've never been in this position before. I'm usually on the other end of the stalking. But things have always been different with you, haven't they? I knew from the second I saw you in the kitchen you weren't what I was used to. I tried to tell myself that you weren't anything special, just another girl, but I knew that wasn't true as soon as I saw that blush cross your cheeks. I was done in less than thirty seconds from meeting you. And I'm just sorry I had to leave before we got the chance to see where we were headed. I didn't expect you to wait for me, but I never thought you'd just cut me off. I wasn't prepared for that. Maybe I could have done things differently, told you important things or showed you better. I don't know? But, none of that matters now.

In any case, I hope you're enjoying your first couple of months of school. I know it can be an overwhelming time, with so many exciting things to do and all the new people you're probably meeting. I just wanted to let you know I was thinking of you and there are no hard feelings. Our relationship was so new and me having to leave just as we were fully getting to know one another was difficult for us both.

Please take care of yourself and call Evan once in a while. He feels like he's in the middle of whatever this is between us. I'm still coming back in November. You know how to find me.

Alex

I sprang up from the bed and ran to the bathroom. Just as I’d expected, dinner was gone from my system within seconds. I was shaking uncontrollably as I went back into my room and crawled under the covers. He was letting me off the hook. He thought I had moved on and didn't know how to tell him. Why does he have to be such a gentleman? He didn’t deserve what I was doing to him.

Maybe I should just call him and tell him the truth? Would that be better? I’d already broken his heart, so how could I call him and tell him I hadn't moved on? I wanted to tell him I loved him with everything I had, and I was waiting for him, but would that be fair? We'd been together for only a few months, and while I knew he cared about me, I also knew he wasn't one for settling down. He was a wild child, but for some crazy reason, he was intrigued by plain old me. That never made sense, and I wasn't going to let his brief infatuation with me turn into a life sentence for him. He needed time to figure out if I was who he truly wanted, and since he had never told me he loved me, I couldn't be sure. The pregnancy was a huge shock for me, and I'd been dealing with it for a few months. I still had so many questions and concerns. I couldn't imagine how Alex would feel about a baby. Of course, I didn’t really give him a chance to feel anything. God, what a hot mess I've made!

There was the very real possibility that Alex could move on. He was beyond the perfect catch, and he was hanging with all those college girls. It wasn't stupid to think he could find someone else and just decide to stay in Connecticut. Then I'd really be screwed.

One month and then you can tell him, Jocelyn. You've made it this far.

I could wait. He could complete this internship without worrying about me, and then, as soon as he came home, I would tell him. I made the decision to wait for a reason, and I had to stick to it. Right or wrong, it was my choice.

Chapter Fifteen

It was only a few days after Halloween, and already the mall was decorated for Christmas. I hadn't been out much in the last few months. I tried to keep a low profile, just going to work and sometimes to the library, but for the most part, I tried to stay out of teen hangouts. Today's trip to the mall was a necessity. I needed new bras; my new boobs didn't fit in my old ones. I couldn't order them on the Internet. I had no idea what size I'd wear, and I needed to try them on.

I wanted to get in and out, but my constant need to pee slowed me down. I hit the bathroom one last time before heading home for a much-needed nap, but that stopped proved to be a huge mistake. As I exited the bathroom and headed for the escalator, I heard Evan calling me. I froze, afraid to turn around, but I had no choice. I had to face him.

"Jocelyn! Wait up."

I stood still for a moment, and then slowly turned and looked at him. He was just as stunning as he’d always been—his hair purposely disheveled, his clothes neatly pressed and ever so stylish, and then there was his smile. That smile always made me feel better. For just one second when our eyes met, I completely forgot I was supposed to be hiding from him.

"Jocelyn, where have you—?" He abruptly stopped, his gaze falling on my stomach.

"Hey." Totally lame response!

Jocelyn?" I saw the confusion on his face.

"Evan." I smiled. What else was I supposed to do?

"Oh my God." He gasped. "This is why you stopped calling me."

"I didn't mean, well, I was going to tell you, but—"

"Alex?" he asked. "He doesn't know?"

I shook my head.

"Now I see why you stopped talking to him, but why would you do that? How could you do that to him?"

"I, well, I'm going to tell him, but I wanted to wait for him to come home," I stuttered. "I didn't want him worrying about me."

"Worrying about you?" he said. "You're pregnant."

No shit, Sherlock!

"I know," I said. "But I didn't want him to come home because he felt like he had to."

"So you shut him out?" He was angry, and I understood why.

"I was afraid," I said. "I wasn't sure what to do. And I knew if I kept talking to him, he would wonder why I stopped talking to you. I knew you'd tell him."

"He thought you found someone else," he said. "He didn't think you were going to wait for him."

"Evan, I know this looks bad, but I was only thinking about what was right for Alex." I tried to defend the choices I'd made. "I have every intention of telling him."

"He's coming home tomorrow."

"What? I thought he was coming home closer to Thanksgiving?"

Tomorrow?

My stomach started to hurt, and I grew lightheaded. My heart was so full of love for him, and thinking that I could see him in twenty-four hours made me smile, but then I realized he could react the same way Evan was, probably worse.

"He finished up early, so he's coming home," Evan said. "And you better get in touch with him immediately."

"I will," I said. "In a few days, after he gets settled."

"No," he snapped. "I'll give you tomorrow, but after that, I'll tell him myself."

"Evan, please don't be mad at me." My eyes blurred with the tears that threatened to spill. "I've missed you so much." I hated being so emotional, but I really did miss him, and my nerves were shot.

"Joce, don't cry," he whispered and touched my hand. "You just hurt us all so much, and we didn't know why. You shouldn't have tried to hide this from us."

"I know, but I was scared. I was afraid if I kept calling him, I'd eventually tell him."

Before Evan could reply, I saw Brenna and Julia approaching us, loaded down with designer shopping bags. I looked like a dishrag compared to them. They looked as if they just stepped off the runway. My clothes were worn and hardly fit, my sneakers were dirty, and I didn't have a jacket to hide my stomach. I hadn't bought any maternity clothes, because I was trying to save my money, but now I wished I looked a little neater.

"Evan, please." I begged.

"I won't tell them, but they might figure it out." He frowned.

"Well, look who it is," Brenna said, raking me with her gaze.

Julia whispered something in her ear, and they both smiled. No doubt they were making fun of me.

"Brenna." Evan warned. "Don't start."

"Hello, Jocelyn." Julia smiled.

I nodded.

"It looks as if my brother dodged a huge bullet with you," Brenna said with a smug look on her face. "How long after he went back to Yale did you find some idiot to knock you up?"

"Brenna!" Evan hissed.

"No, Evan, it’s okay," I said. I was just glad that Brenna was too stupid to figure it out. "I have to go now."

"Were you cheating on Alex the whole time?" Julia asked.

"What? No!" I said. "I could never do that to him."

But I could hide a pregnancy from him! Yep, this is lookin' better and better.

"I'm not complaining." She smiled. "I'm glad he came to his senses, and I told him that last weekend when I went to visit him."

"You went to Connecticut?" I asked, trying not to sound disappointed, but I was heartbroken.

"Yes, and I spent the whole weekend with him. He's as charming as ever."

"She went with Brenna and Ryan," Evan said. "It was hardly a romantic getaway."

Julia made a face at him.

I felt sicker by the minute, and I was sure my face was pale. I swayed a little, and Evan grabbed my arm.

"You look a little woozy," he said. "Do you want to sit down?"

"No." I faked a smiled. "I have to go."

"I do too," Julia said. "Alex's coming home, so I was thinking a trip to Victoria's Secret is in order."

"Oh, perfect," Brenna said. "I haven't surprised Ryan with something new in a few weeks."

"Jocelyn," Julia said. "Maybe you should look into a new wardrobe while you're here." She looked me over, lingering a few seconds on my stomach before snickering and shaking her head.

I could feel my face burning up. I was trying really hard not to puke all over anyone. And a new threat just entered the mix. I had to tell Alex before Dumb and Dumber spilled the beans and left him with the wrong idea.

"Evan," Brenna barked. "We'll meet you for lunch in a half an hour."

"Fine." He sighed.

I waited for them to walk away, and then I said, "Please don't tell Alex."

"I won't; I promise." He nodded toward Julia and Brenna. "But you're going to have to do it and soon."

"I know." I looked down at my swollen feet.

Evan took my hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.

"I’m here for you now," he whispered. "I would have been here the whole time."

"I know." I smiled. "I missed you."

"I'll call you tonight," he said. "You better not avoid me. I'll just show up on your doorstep."

"I won't," I said. "Talk to you later." He gently kissed my cheek, and then flashed me his signature panty-dropping smile before taking off. I really had missed him.

Talk about a mall trip from hell, I thought as I headed through the double doors and out into the parking lot; all I wanted to do was go climb under a rock somewhere. I climbed into my car, rested my head against the headrest, and closed my eyes. Alex would be home tomorrow. It was what I’d been waiting for. Soon, he'd know just what he'd left behind.

I smiled when I pressed my hand to my stomach. My little one was moving around while thoughts of Alex ran through my head. In a few days, he would be able to feel his baby moving inside me. I just hoped he could forgive me for shutting him out.

Twenty minutes had passed since I’d run into Julia and Brenna, and since Alex wasn't blowing up my phone, I figured they hadn't told him yet. I decided to be proactive. I called him, but I got his voicemail.

" Hey, Alex . . . it's, um, me, Jocelyn. I know we haven't talked in a while, but Evan said you were coming home tomorrow, so I was hoping we could talk. Maybe you could call me when you get in? Um, well, I hope you're okay. 'Bye."

As reality set in, I realized I messed up. Exactly what I knew would happen, did happen. Someone else found out—the worst someone who could have found out—and very soon, she'd be blabbing her mouth to Alex. Why didn't I just tell him?

Chapter Sixteen

I hung up with Evan, sheer panic rising from my gut as I paced the living room.

Alex hadn’t returned my phone call, and according to Evan, it hadn't taken Brenna and Julia long to tell him they’d bumped into me at the mall.

Only after they'd seen the look in Alex’s eyes as he took in the news did Julia and Brenna finally realize I was having his baby.

Idiots!

Evan tried to calm him down, but he took off and was headed straight for me.

In a few minutes, everything could all be over. Alex was on his way to confront me, and one way or another, I’d know how he felt. The loud banging on the door jolted me, and I knew it was time to face the consequences of my decisions.

I slowly pulled the door open and stepped out onto the porch. Shock showed clearly on his face when he looked down at my stomach. He closed his eyes and shook his head. There was no way it had sunk in yet for him.

"Hey, Alex." I smiled; no matter what had happened, I was really happy to see him.

"You don’t seem that surprised to see me."

"Evan called and told me you were on your way," I said. "Do you want to come in?"

He nodded, followed me to the living room, and sat down on the couch. Neither one of us said anything for a few minutes, and the silence wore on my nerves.

"Why, Jocelyn?" he yelled, and his anger frightened me. "What the hell were you thinking?"

"Alex, I . . . ." I paced the room again, even more nervous than when I'd first opened the door. "It was so unexpected."

"Yeah, I get that, but eventually, you had time to figure it out, so why didn't you let me in on it?"

I shook my head. I should have been prepared for this conversation, but I wasn’t.

"You cut off all communication," he snapped. "It wasn't as if I was going to figure out you were pregnant via text message, so why?"

"I don't, I mean, I'm not sure," I said.

"You’re not sure of what? Me?"

He looked as if he wanted to scream, hit something, break apart the room, but then he looked up at me. I bit my lip to keep it from trembling and pressed my shaking hands against my thighs.

"Jocelyn," he whispered. He stood and reached for my hands.

"I’m sorry, Alex," I cried. "I wanted, I mean, I was going to tell you." I felt so helpless.

He pulled me into a hug and kissed the top of my head.

"Shh, beautiful." He tried to soothe me. "I’m here now."

"Alex." My body shook against his chest as I tried to hold back the sob that wanted to escape my throat. I held him as tightly as I could. He pulled me a little closer and pressed his lips to my temple. God, I'd missed his touch.

"I’m sorry," I said again because I really was.

"It’s okay." He tilted up my chin and lowered his lips to mine. He gently kissed me, moving his lips against mine before deepening the kiss. I relaxed against him for the first time since I opened the door and allowed him to indulge me for a few seconds, but then I pulled away and shook my head. He smelled of something sweet, possibly a woman's perfume, and the odor suddenly made me sick to my stomach.

"No," I whispered.

He nodded as he released me and backed away. He looked disappointed.

"I’m overwhelmed," I said. "I’ve been waiting for you to come home, and I wanted to tell you about the baby myself."

"Why didn’t you?" He ran his hands through his hair and exhaled loudly.

"I didn’t want to tell you over the phone," I said. "And I didn’t want you to give up your internship."

"That wasn’t your call to make," he said, more harshly than I expected.

But I understood his reaction. I'd kept important information from him, decided on my own he didn't need to know, and then I wasn't the one who told him. If I had to do it all again, I definitely would've gone about it another way. But I couldn't change the past, and now we were going to have to move forward from there.

"I’m sorry."He spoke more softly. "I guess I’m overwhelmed too."

"Let’s sit down." I motioned for him to sit next to me. "You probably have plenty of questions for me."

"When did you find out?"

"A couple of weeks after you left," I told him. "I kept getting sick, but I thought it was because you were gone."

"Do you still get sick?"

"Yes." I laughed.

His smile put me at ease and made an awkward situation a little easier to face.

"I’m not nauseous anymore, but I still throw up. The doctor said most women stop that after the first trimester, but I didn’t fall under that category."

"Sorry about that."

"It’s not your fault."

He looked at me and shrugged. I knew what he meant.

"I’m extremely sensitive to smells, and that’s usually what triggers it."

"When I kissed you just now, you looked like you might be ill. Do I make you sick?"

"No." I shook my head. "I was just anxious when I saw you, and then I . . ."

I stopped. Whatever he did before he came here was none of my business.

"What?"

"I could smell perfume on you, and it upset my stomach, that's all."

"Jocelyn, it isn’t what you think."

"Alex, you don’t have to explain anything to me. It’s none of my business what you’re doing with Julia."

"How did you know it was Julia?"

A suffered a wave of disappointment to discover I wasn’t wrong.

"She told me she came to visit you, and it was pretty obvious you’re more than just friends," I said. "I don’t blame you; I did stop calling you."

"I’m not back with Julia." He made a face that indicated he thought the very idea was insane. "She came to visit me with Ry and Brenna. We went to dinner, but that was it. And tonight she was at my parent’s house, and she kissed me hello."

"Alex." I held up my hand to prevent him from saying more on the subject. "You don’t owe me an explanation. Actually, I’d rather not get in the middle of whatever is going on between you and Julia. I have enough going on, if you haven’t noticed."

He fidgeted with his hands. I'd never seen him so uptight before.

"Jocelyn." He sighed. "We have so much to discuss, but right now, I want you to tell me about our baby."

I smiled and looked down at my stomach.

Our baby. I like the way that sounds.

"Are you both healthy?"

"Yes." My voice bubbled with excitement. Finally, I could tell him all about the pregnancy. "The baby is perfect, just where he should be. I’m due on Valentine’s Day."

"He?" he asked. "Do you know that for certain?"

"No." I shook my head. "Some days, I say he, and other days he’s a she; I don’t like referring to him as an it. It drives Max wild because he never knows what the sex will be on any given day."

"You’re far along enough to know, though?" he said. "The baby is developed enough to determine the sex."

"Yes, I had an ultrasound at seventeen weeks, but I wasn’t sure if you would want to know, so I asked them not to tell me."

"You got to see it, I mean, the baby on the monitor?"

"Yes." I smiled at the memory. "It was fantastic. The heartbeat was strong, and the technician said everything was perfect."

Except you weren't there.

"I wish I could’ve been there," he said regretfully. "Who went with you?"

"No one." I frowned. "I don’t have anyone who can go with me."

"You’ve been doing this all by yourself?" he asked. "Who did you tell when you found out?"

"No one," I said. "I had to tell Max once I started showing, and now a few people at work know."

"And some of my family."

"I didn’t mean for that to happen," I said. "But Evan figured it out as soon as he saw me."

"How did your father take the news? I bet he wants to kill me."

"He did at first." I smiled. "But he realized I was a willing participant, and we made a mistake."

"This was my mistake, Jocelyn," he said. "I knew better, and I’m sorry for being so careless with you."

"It wasn’t just you." I really meant that. We both should've known the dangers of unprotected sex. "We did this together."

"I was irresponsible," he said. "I was more experienced, and I should never have let things go so far that night."

"It’s done," I said. "We can’t change any of this, and to be honest, I don’t regret that night with you."

"I don’t deserve your kindness," he said. "I screwed up."

"We both did."

"Joce," he said, "I know I don’t have any right to ask this of you, but since Brenna and Evan know, I have to tell my parents. I want them to hear it from me."

"Of course you should tell them." I agreed. "They have a right to know."

"I’ll tell them, but I was wondering if you’d come with me. I know I should’ve been here to tell Max with you, and I swear, I would have been, but . . . ."

"I know," I whispered as I took his hand. "And I wish you could’ve been here when I did."

"So you know what I’m feeling right now, the anxiety of telling my parents."

I nodded. "Jack and Sarah are so supportive. They’ll be here for you."

"They’ll be here for you too. Will you come with me?"

"Yeah." I smiled. "It seems right for us to be together when you tell them."

"Thanks." He squeezed my hand, and I sensed his trepidation over the coming conversation. "I don’t think they’re going to be very pleased with me tonight."

"I think they’ll surprise you." Jack and Sarah were such good, loving parents, and once they got over the shock, I was certain they’d take the news as well as Max did.

"I hope you’re right," he whispered.

"Let’s go." I stood and headed for the door.

"Wait!" He grabbed my hand. "Your coat?"

"I . . . I-I’m okay," I stuttered.

"No, it’s cold outside."

"You don’t have one."

"I left the house in a hurry, and I’m not pregnant, so get a jacket."

"Alex, I don’t have—" I stopped, too embarrassed to tell him I didn’t have one. "I get overheated. I’ll be fine."

"Well, if you get cold, I can turn the heat up in the car."

We didn’t say much on the way to his house, but it was hardly a comfortable silence. Occasionally, he would glance down at my stomach, and I wanted so badly to know what he was thinking. I knew better than anyone how overwhelming and life-altering this was. I had to keep telling myself not to expect too much from him.

Once we pulled up in front of his house, he got out, went around, and opened the door for me, but I hesitated when I saw Julia's car.

Why does she have to be here?

"What?" he asked. "My parents aren’t going to be mad at you."

"Julia is here?"

He turned around and saw her car.

"Oh. No," he said. "Ry took Julia, Brenna, and Evan to get something to eat. Only my parents are home now. We were all here earlier, but as soon as I found out about you, I took off."

"Okay," I whispered and climbed out.

He shut the door and leaned me up against the car, placing his hands on my shoulders.

"When they came to visit me," he said, "Julia and I went to dinner, just the two of us, because Brenna and Ryan had tickets for a show in the city."

"Alex, please." I shook my head. Why was he so determined to tell me something I didn't want to hear?

"No, I want to tell you."

"Fine." I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, frightened beyond reason he'd admit to having feelings for Julia. But even if he did, I'd have no one to blame but myself.

"We had dinner and talked for a long time," he said. "About the past and possibly getting together when I got home."

I opened my eyes and stared at him. He wanted to get back together with her.

How am I supposed to feel about that?

"I was in a bad place," he said. "I didn’t know what happened between us, and Julia was comfortable for me. I know you had your reasons, but I thought you’d moved on."

"So, you slept with Julia?"

"I took her back to her hotel."

"I don’t want the details, if you don’t mind." My mouth grew so dry I could barely swallow, and my stomach twisted and rolled.

"Jocelyn, listen to me." He moved his hand to stroke my cheek. "I didn’t sleep with Julia or anyone else while I was away. I didn’t want to. She invited me in, but I told her I had an early morning. I did kiss her goodnight and told her we’d talk when I got back."

"Have you?"

"Talked? No, I didn’t get a chance. They told me they saw you in the mall, and then I came to see you," he said. "The first chance I get, I’ll tell her how I really feel."

"Do you know how you really feel?" I didn’t mean to speak my thoughts, and the minute I said the words, I wanted to take them back. We had enough to deal with.

"What does that mean?"

"Nothing," I said. "I’m getting cold. Can we go inside?"

"Of course." He took my hand and led me into the house. "My parents are in my father’s study. They always seem to be in the study when I have to tell them something important." He stopped once we reached the door. Seeing him look so nervous was like me having to tell Max all over again. I gave his hand a gentle squeeze. I wanted him to know I was there for him.

"You can do this, Alex." I kissed his cheek.

He smiled at me, and I remembered how much I liked having him close to me.

Despite what was going on between us right now, I’d missed him, and I was just relieved to finally be able to see him again.

He rapped quickly on the door, but opened it before anyone could respond. He glanced inside, then stepped into the room. I peeked through, between his shoulder and the doorframe.

Jack sat behind his large, cherry wood desk, staring at his laptop, and Sarah lay curled up on the loveseat, reading a book. They both looked at Alex and smiled. Sarah was no doubt absolutely thrilled to have her son home, and her joy showed on her face.

"Alex," she said. "Where were you?"

I was still outside the door; they hadn’t seen me yet.

"I went to see Jocelyn, and I brought her back with me." He reached for my hand, gently encouraging me to follow him in. I suddenly felt as nervous as Alex looked.

"Really?" Sarah got to her feet, placing her book face down on the sofa. "What a nice surprise."

Oh, you’ll be surprised, all right.

I slowly walked into the study, sticking very close to Alex. My knees were buckling, and my body shook. I wanted to turn around, go home, crawl into my bed, and hide for the next several months.

"Jocelyn, how are you?" Sarah moved closer, but as soon as she got a good look at me, she stopped. "Oh, my."

"Jocelyn is going to have a baby," Alex said.

Thank you, Captain Obvious!

"So we see." Jack got up from the desk and walked over to us. "Hello, Jocelyn."

"Hi." I smiled. "I didn’t want to tell Alex while he was away."

"Oh, Jocelyn." Sarah sighed. "You must have been so afraid." Her eyes filled as she reached past Alex and pulled me into a hug.

"I wanted to tell you," I whispered.

"I know, but you were in a hard position, weren’t you?" she asked.

I nodded, trying to hold back tears.

"It’s going to be okay, sweetie," she whispered into my hair. For the first time in my life, I felt like I had a mother. I sobbed against her shoulder.

She gently rubbed my back for a few minutes, then released me and turned to Alex. She pulled him into her arms. "We’ll figure this out, my baby." She kissed his cheek. "But right now, Jocelyn is freezing, so put her in front of the fireplace, and get her warmed up."

He took my hand and sat me down on the couch in front of the fire. He settled in beside me and wrapped his arms around my body, trying to keep me warm. I closed my eyes and reveled in having him so close to me again. Lord, I'd missed his touch.

"I told you to wear a coat," he said as I rested my head against his shoulder, trying to absorb some of his body heat.

"You let her out in November without one?" Sarah asked.

"She gets overheated." He sounded defensive.

"Alex," she said. "It’s freezing outside."

"It’s not Alex’s fault, Sarah. I don’t have one that’ll zip."

"Why didn’t you tell me that?" he asked.

I shrugged. I was too ashamed to tell him the truth, that I couldn’t afford one. I’d been saving all my paychecks to pay for things the baby would need.

"It’s not a problem," Sarah said. "We’ll get you a coat and whatever else you need." She looked at Alex. "Tonight, make sure she wears one of your jackets home."

He nodded.

"Jocelyn?" Jack took a seat in the chair across from us. "Is everything okay with you?"

"I’m healthy, Jack, and so is the baby." I smiled. "I’m six months along, and I’m due in February."

"I see," he said. "This is why I saw you at the clinic a few months ago."

"The clinic?" Alex asked.

"Um, yeah, I didn’t want to see a doctor from around here." She couldn't stop the little defensive tone that crept into her voice. It made sense at the time.

"Is there something we can do about that, Dad?" Alex asked. "Can you refer her to someone closer to home?"

He nodded.

"That’s not necessary." I intervened before they could go further. "My doctor is very nice."

"I’m sure she is," Jack said. "But you won’t be able to deliver at my hospital; you’ll have to go to County. You might feel more comfortable closer to home."

"Plus, if you deliver with a practice affiliated with the hospital, my dad can be there," Alex said.

"In the delivery room?" I asked.

"No, not if you don’t want me to be." Jack smiled. "I can just be around if you need me."

"You don’t have to decide this tonight," Sarah said. "We’ll let you think about switching doctors, and if you want, I can go with you to meet potential candidates."

I nodded, but I was feeling uncomfortable about having to change physicians when I was this far along.

"I’d like to call your father," Sarah said. "I’m sure he’s a bit taken aback by all of this."

"Sure," I said. "He’s getting used to it now, but he’s stressed."

"Have you spoken to him, Alex?" Jack asked.

"No, not yet," he said. "I would like to, though."

I was still shivering, so Alex pulled me closer to his side and pressed his lips to my hair. I cuddled deeper into him, relaxing against him when I felt the baby move. It was as if our little one was responding to his daddy's voice.

His parents were doing a good job of reassuring me that everything was going to be fine, and we’d all work together to make sure the baby came first. They were upset and disappointed and were dancing around the idea of me and Alex as a couple.

Honestly, I wasn’t sure if we were a couple or not, since we hadn’t really discussed that yet.

At some point in the conversation, my work schedule came up and how I was still pulling eight-hour shifts.

"You’re on your feet all day?" Alex asked.

"Yes." I smiled; did he think a pregnant woman couldn’t work? "I usually crash after a shift like that though."

"It’s too many hours," he said. "You have to get them cut back."

"I’m fine."

"Dad?" He pleaded for assistance.

"If Jocelyn is healthy, and her doctor doesn’t see the harm in her standing all day, then it’s fine. I do agree, though, Jocelyn, the farther along you get, the more strain it will put on your body. So, if you start feeling like it’s too much, listen to your body."

"I will." I gave him what I hoped was a reassuring smile.

"You need a new car, "Alex blurted out.

What the hell?

"What?" I asked, when I'd recovered enough from my shock to speak. "Mine is okay; it gets me where I need to go."

"Just barely," he said. "I hated the thought of you driving around in that deathtrap before you were pregnant, but now I can’t let you take that kind of a risk.

Where would you put a car seat in that? I don’t think there are any seatbelts in the back."

"I haven’t thought that far ahead, but I wouldn’t put the baby in the car," I said, going on the defensive. "I guess Max will have to drive us where we need to go until I can get something else."

"I’ll take you for a new car tomorrow," he said.

"No!" I sat up. "You’re not buying me a car."

This conversation was beginning to make me feel like I’d done nothing right in the past few months.

"Jocelyn," he said. "Please don’t argue with me. This is a safety issue."

"Alex," Jack said. "Why don’t we give Jocelyn some time to adjust? She’s been dealing with this pregnancy by herself, and now we’re throwing all of these decisions at her. The car can wait."

"Dad, I want her and the baby to be safe." He looked at me. "Joce?"

It wasn’t an unreasonable request, but I just couldn’t let him buy me a new car. I stood up and walked around the room, rubbing my back.

"What’s wrong?" Alex asked. "Are you okay?"

"My back hurts." I shrugged. The aches and pains weren't anything new. "Look, I know you’re all trying to help, but I’ve had a really long day, and I’m a little overwhelmed."

"It’s okay, Jocelyn." Sarah got up and walked over to me. "Why don’t you go up to Alex’s room and rest for a bit? I know this has been difficult for you, and I’m sure you and Alex have a few things to work out."

"I am tired," I said. "But I can go home."

"No," Alex said. "I’ll take you upstairs for a little while."

I wasn’t ready to go home yet. Four months was a long time to be away from him, and I needed to be with him, especially now. I needed to know what his thoughts were on our current situation.

"Okay." I nodded.

"I’ll call your dad tomorrow, Jocelyn," Sarah told me as we headed for the door.

"Alex," Jack called after us, "I want you to make some time for me. I think we need to talk."

"Sure," he replied quietly. "How about in the morning?"

"See me before I leave for the hospital," he said.

Alex nodded.

"Is your dad mad?" I asked as we headed to his room.

"Just disappointed," he said. "But I knew he would be. I’ll talk to him tomorrow."

"Sorry," I said. "Maybe you should have told him without me, and then he could’ve told you how he really felt."

"Nah." He shrugged. "My mother would’ve made me take her to see you anyway."

"She was really sweet." I smiled.

"Will you do me a favor?"

"Sure."

"Will you let her take you shopping for clothes? It’ll make her feel useful."

"I don’t understand," I said. "Why would buying me a coat make her feel useful?"

"Because she’s worried about you, and she’s in mom mode, and she wants to make everything right," he said. "If you won’t let me buy you a car tomorrow, at least let my mom take you shopping."

"I’ll go shopping with Sarah, but I don’t want to hear about the car anymore," I said.

"Fine." He sighed and shut his bedroom door behind us.

"You’ll give up, just like that?"

"For tonight." He smiled and pulled me down on the bed.

"I’m too tired to argue." I yawned.

He lay back, resting against the headboard, and motioned for me to slide up and lie beside him. I hesitated, suddenly uncertain.

"I want to hold you," he said. "Please."

I nodded, slid up, and curled into his side.

"I missed you so much," he said as he played with my hair.

"I missed you too," I whispered. "I wished every night you could be with me."

I didn’t say anything for a few minutes, because the baby kept kicking, and I didn’t want the moment to end, but we had much to discuss. I draped my arm across his chest and said, "Are you mad at me?"

"That’s a hard question to answer. I know why you didn’t tell me, but I wish you hadn’t kept this from me. I could’ve helped you through all of the decisions."

"There weren’t that many decisions, other than finding a doctor and deciding when to tell Max," I said. "The hardest part was keeping it from you."

"That’s why you stopped calling me?"

"I was afraid I’d blurt it out over the phone," I said. "There wasn’t anything you could have done here, but I knew you’d want to come home."

"I could’ve still come home, Jocelyn," he said. "I wouldn’t have had to give up the internship, but we could have discussed all of our options."

"What options?"

"Well, did you consider all of the alternatives? I would've wanted to make sure you were aware of all of the available choices."

"What?" I sat up and stared at him. "You’re not suggesting what I think, are you?"

"No, I'm not suggesting anything." He quickly shook his head. "I wouldn’t have wanted you to do that, but I would’ve supported any decision you made. I just feel like I missed so much. Obviously, it’s too late for that, and I’m extremely thankful that you decided to keep our baby, but you’re so young."

"I’m not that young," I said. "I can do this."

"I know you can," he said. "But I don’t want you to change your mind when it’s too late."

"What does that mean?" I spoke through clenched teeth. Does he think I’ll abandon my baby if I get bored?

"Please calm down! I just want you to know you don’t have to do this because you think it’s what I want."

"What?"

"Have you thought about adoption?"

My heart dropped his words. "Is that what you want me to do?" I could feel the tears threatening to spill.

"I just want you to know I’m here either way," he said. "I’m not trying to hurt you."

"I’m keeping this baby," I said. "If you don’t want to be part of this, then that’s fine. But I am keeping this baby."

"That’s not what I meant." Now it was his turn to get upset.

"Then why would you bring that up? Do you think I’m like my mother, and I’ll stick you with a baby and take off?"

"What? No!" He sat up and moved closer to me. "That’s not at all what I was thinking."

"I don’t need you, Alex." I climbed out of bed and headed for the door. "I don’t need new clothes, a new car, or a new doctor."

I was hurt and frustrated. None of what had happened was the way I pictured it would happen.

Alex chased after me, stopping me before I could leave.

"I can do this by myself," I cried. "Just like I’ve been doing!"

"You don’t have to," he said. "I’m playing catch-up, Jocelyn. I haven’t had six months to digest this life-altering decision. I’ve known for three hours. You have to give me some time to adjust."

"Take all the time you need." I stormed out of the room.

"Jocelyn, please," he said. "I didn’t mean to offend you. I was trying to help you."

"By telling me to put our baby up for adoption?" I screamed, just as Evan was coming up the stairs.

"Alex," he said. "Why would you tell her that?"

"She misunderstood. I never said that," he said. "I was trying to tell her we could talk about anything. I would listen to whatever she had to say."

"Evan," I said. "Can you please take me home?"

"Of course, Joce." H put his arm around my shoulder.

"I can take you home." Alex moved to stand in front of me.

"No, please," I said. "I’m really tired, and I need some space."

"Jocelyn, I’m sorry. I just need to let this all sink in."

"I know," I said. "It’s a lot to process, and I don’t want you saying or doing anything you’ll regret later. I’m not asking you for anything, Alex."

"But I want to be there for you," he said.

"Maybe after you really think about it, you’ll feel differently," I said. "I wouldn’t blame you."

"Jocelyn—"

I didn’t let him finish. I’d had enough for one night.

"No, I want to go home now." I looked at Evan.

"Alex," Evan said, "you both need to take tonight and think. I’ll take her home."

"I’ll call you tomorrow," Alex told me.

"Okay." I smiled, but I was seconds away from losing it, and I didn’t want to cry in front of him. "We can talk tomorrow."

"Fine," he whispered. "Make sure she gets home safe."

"I will," Evan said.

Alex looked at me one last time before heading back down the hall and into his room. I jumped when he slammed the door.

This is not how this was supposed to go down.

Chapter Seventeen

"Joce," Evan said as I pressed my face into his shoulder. "Please stop crying. Alex didn’t mean what he said. I know he didn’t."

"He wants me to"—I sobbed—"put our baby up for adoption. He’s mad because I didn’t tell him."

I knew there was a huge possibility he wouldn’t want to keep our baby, but I was holding out hope that he’d want us.

"He’s not mad," Evan said. "He’s just shocked and needs some time to figure it all out."

I removed myself from Evan’s arms and glanced at his tear-stained shirt. I tried to dry it with my hand.

"It’s okay." He smiled. "I’ll take it to the cleaners."

"Thanks for taking me home," I said. "I think I need to go to bed."

"Jocelyn, please don’t give up on Alex."

"I don’t want him to do anything he doesn’t want to do." I didn’t want to be an obligation or a responsibility. If he wanted me, it had to be because of what we were to one another and not because he got me pregnant.

"Alex never does," Evan said. "But I know how he feels about you even if he doesn’t."

"What does that mean?"

"Come on, Jocelyn," Evan said. "You have to know how much he cares for you.

I’ve never seen him fall for anyone the way he’s fallen for you. You’ve changed him so completely."

"I know before he left, he cared about me," I said, and I really believed that. "And I think if I would have stayed in touch with him when he was away, and when he came home I wasn’t pregnant, it might have been different."

Maybe he would have eventually realized he was in love with me.

"But now, Evan"—I looked down—"it’s different. It’s going to be harder for us.

We hardly know one another, and now we have to be parents together. I don’t think Alex wants that."

"Jocelyn, you don’t know that. He’s just in shock."

"Look, you can’t speak for Alex. We’ll have to figure it out, but if Alex doesn’t want to be a part of all of this"—I put my hand on my stomach and almost lost my breath when I thought about raising a child completely on my own—"will you want to know this baby?"

"Joce," Evan whispered as he placed his hand over mine, "I’m always going to be here for you and this baby. You’re not ever gonna be alone."

"Okay." I sobbed. "Sorry I’m so hormonal."

He leaned in and kissed my cheek. "I love you, you know that."

"Love you too," I cried.

Why did those words come so easily for Evan and not for Alex?

After about a half an hour of convincing Evan I’d be fine by myself, he left. Max had the late shift and wouldn’t be home for a few more hours. I took a long, relaxing shower and slipped into Alex’s Yale shirt, which hardly fit over my stomach these days, and a pair of flannel pajama bottoms.

I was emotionally drained. I knew coming face to face with Alex wouldn’t be easy, but I didn’t think it would end with me storming out. Rationally, I knew he didn’t want me to give up our baby, but it hurt hearing him suggest the option. Everything was all so new to him. He hadn't even been home a full day and he'd been hit with fatherhood. I had to give him time to figure out what he wanted.

I smiled when I thought back to how he held me and tried to keep me warm in Jack’s study earlier in the evening. It felt so right, and I wished I would’ve told him how much the baby moved every time he spoke. And it wasn’t just in the study, either.

When we lay together in his bed, the baby kicked and was the most active I’d ever felt him. I'd wanted to tell Alex, but things went downhill so fast.

"You know your daddy, don’t you?" I rubbed my stomach. "I know he loves you, he just has to."

I tried to sleep, but I couldn’t stop crying. Alex was home, and he knew about the baby. But I was in no better position than when he wasn’t home and didn’t know. I always thought I wouldn’t force him into a life with me. He didn’t have to be with me, but I hoped he’d want to be in his child’s life. His parents and Evan wanted to play a role in my baby’s life, and I welcomed them. I was relieved that my secret was out. It had been a long four months, keeping something this big this quiet.

I rolled over onto my side and finally drifted off, but I was suddenly pulled out of sleep by the sound of a light banging noise. I couldn’t figure out what it was, so I closed my eyes again, but it wouldn’t stop. After a few more minutes, I realized it was the front door.

It’s two in the morning.

I jumped up, thinking something happened to Max. I quickly ran down the steps and opened the door.

"Hello, dars-lin’," Alex said as he stood there smiling at me, leaning on Zack.

"Alex?" I was stunned; what was he doing there?

"Sorry, Jocelyn," Zack said. "He wouldn’t give me his keys until I agreed to take him here. I would’ve taken him right home, but I was afraid he would just get on the Harley and come here anyway."

"Jocey loves my Harley, don’t cha, bootiful?" Alex smiled at my stomach.

"Okay," Zack said. "Now you’ve seen her, we have to go."

"No." Alex pushed Zack aside and came through the door. "Isn’t she perfect?" He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled my back to his chest. "And look, that’s my baby in there."

"Alex," Zack said, "let’s let Jocelyn get her rest now. You can see her tomorrow."

Alex pushed my hair to one side and whispered in my ear, "Don’t make me leave."

He was incredibly drunk, and he reeked of beer and some other kind of alcohol, but those odors didn’t seem to bother me. I liked the feeling of his warm breath against my skin. I craved his touch.

"Zack," I said. "It’s okay, he can stay."

"I’m not sure the chief is gonna be real happy about this, sugar," Zack said. "I’m sure he already wants to string him up by his—" He cleared his throat. "He’s probably not too happy with Alex at the moment."

"He won’t be home for a while," I said as Alex kissed my neck.

"God, you smell so good," he whispered against my skin.

"I’ll call Evan and tell him to come and get him." The feel of his lips against my skin made me tingle all over. I hadn't felt that good in a long time.

"How about I just wait in my car?" Zack offered. "He’s gonna pass out soon, and I’ll bring him home."

"Okay." I nodded my agreement.

Zack headed back to his car, so I shut the door and turned around in Alex’s arms to face him.

"Hi’s." He smiled.

"Hi," I whispered back. "What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to see you," he said. "Been wantin’ to all night." He gently pushed me up against the door and kissed me hard and long, moving his hands up and down my arms, and then gripping my shoulders. My head spun as he continued to kiss me. After a minute or so, I felt like I might lose my balance from the lack of oxygen. It was a really good kiss.

"Mmm, Alex." I tried to pull away, but he wouldn’t let go. I placed my hands on his chest and pushed him. "I can taste so much alcohol in your mouth, you’re gonna intoxicate my baby."

" Our baby." He corrected me and pressed his forehead to mine. His vibrant green eyes were glazed over from the booze, but they somehow still managed to sparkle. He softly kissed my lips, but I could tell he was struggling to stand up.

I took his hand and led him to the couch. He sat down and pulled me into his lap, so I turned to face him.

"Alex." I sighed. "You shouldn’t be here."

"I had to see you," he said. "I wanted you to know."

"Know what?"

"I didn’t mean it." He gently kissed my lips. "I want my baby."

"We shouldn’t discuss this now; you don’t know what you’re saying," I said. "We can wait until you’re sober."

"I’m sayin’ what I know," he said insistently. "I’m drunk, but I know what I want.

I want you and her." He pointed to my stomach.

"Her?" I smiled.

"Well, you said I couldn’t call it an it," he said.

"No, you can’t."

"Jocelyn," he whispered. "Can I touch her?"

His question took me by surprise. No one but me had ever touched my stomach, well, except the doctor, and Evan came close earlier, but that was it. I was afraid if I let him, and then tomorrow he woke up and changed his mind, I’d be devastated.

"Please." He moved his hand to my hip.

I nodded.

He slipped his hand across my stomach and stopped when his palm lay dead center. He looked up and smiled at me. "Does she move?"

"Yeah." I smiled. "She’s asleep now, but that’s 'cause she’s tired 'cause she was so active at your house earlier."

"She was?" he asked, and I could tell how interested he was in what I was saying.

"Yeah, she moved a lot when we were in your bed."

He rubbed his hand over my stomach and said, "Well, maybe you should, I think, need to be in my bed more often." He was obviously having a harder time stringing words together so they made sense.

I couldn’t accept his intoxicated statements as promises. I needed him in his right mind before I would take anything he said seriously.

He leaned his head back on the sofa and closed his eyes. He was getting ready to pass out.

"Alex." I shook him.

"Hmm?" His eyes stayed closed, but his hand was still on my stomach.

"I’m gonna go get Zack now," I told him.

"Nah," he mumbled. "I wanna stay here with you."

"You can’t," I said. "I don’t think it’ll be good for either of us if Max comes home and finds you here, passed out on his couch."

"Max loves me." He smiled. "I watch sports, I went to Yale, and I drink beer. I’m perfect."

He started breathing heavily, and a few seconds later, the sound of his soft snores filled the room. I smiled and placed my hand over his, gently pressing it against my stomach.

I stayed like that for a few minutes, hoping when Alex was sober he’d still feel the same way he did tonight. I placed a few soft kisses along his jaw, before going to get Zack to take him home.

Chapter Eighteen

After Zack left with Alex, I couldn’t fall asleep. It was as if my brain just wouldn’t shut down. Alex wasn’t in his right mind, but I'd hoped the fact that he came to my house meant he wanted to be with me. He said he wanted me, wanted us, but I was afraid to believe him.

The next day dragged on forever. I worked at the coffee shop, and my body ached everywhere. My feet were swollen, my back felt like someone was constantly kicking me, and now I had this pain that shot down my butt and radiated all the way down my leg.

When I came home from work, Max informed me Sarah had called him and wanted to work things out. He was afraid the Jordans would try to take over, but I assured him that was just Sarah. She was a caring mom who wanted to make everything okay for her kids. If taking care of me meant Alex would be happy, then she would do it.

Max seemed relieved Sara'd mentioned child support. He was looking for a handout, but he was big on responsibility, especially after Liz just picked up and left me. He felt that if Alex didn’t want to stay with me, he should still be a part of the baby’s life and be financially responsible for the child's needs. We had to discuss all of these issues, but the idea of child support and visitation made me feel uneasy. It meant, to me, at least, that Alex and I wouldn’t be together, and he was establishing his rights as a father. I didn’t need any legal documents to prove he was the dad, and I would never keep him or his family away from our baby. But because of the circumstances, establishing some kind of boundaries made sense. I just hoped we didn’t need visitation.

After listening to Max for ten minutes, I decided I couldn’t take any more. My eyes were practically closed before I got up the steps. I collapsed onto the bed and fell into a deep sleep, something I always did after a long shift, but I usually didn’t sleep long. I’d slip into an uncomfortable position, and then thoughts of me rolling onto my stomach would scare me. Then I’d be fully aware that I had to be conscious of my sleep positions, which would then make me restless. I tossed and turned, trying to get into a comfortable place, but my mind was racing with thoughts of Alex and how he wanted to touch my stomach. He'd had the sweetest look on his face before he passed out.

I continued to fight my discomfort, slipping in and out of sleep, but it just wasn’t working. I felt someone sit on the bed with me, but I was afraid to open my eyes.

Could I be dreaming?

I shifted again and tried to quiet my mind, but then I felt a hand run through my hair.

It can't be. Open your stupid eyes, Jocelyn, and see for yourself. You’re dreaming.

There’s no way he’d be here in your bedroom.

He continued to caress my hair, and suddenly I felt calmer. I slowly opened my eyes, fully prepared to feel disappointed when I realized I was imagining his presence. I blinked a few times, but his image didn’t disappear.

"Alex?" I smiled.

"Hey, beautiful," he whispered. "Sorry if I woke you, but you looked uncomfortable."

"What are you doin’ here?"

"I spoke with Max."

"How’d that go?" I couldn't see any injuries, so that was a good sign!

"He’s not real happy with me, but I told him I’m home now, and I’ll be here for you."

I scooted into a seated position and leaned back against my headboard. I still couldn’t believe he was here. He kept staring at me and smiling.

"What?" I wanted to know what he was thinking.

"Nothing."

"How’s your head?"

"It’s pounding, but I deserve it. Sorry I came here and bothered you last night."

"You didn’t bother me," I said, assuring him.

"I hope I didn’t make too much of a fool of myself." He looked down at my stomach.

"Do you remember anything?" I ran my hand over my little baby.

Please remember, please remember!

"You let me touch your stomach." He smiled.

Yes!

"I’m sorry, but I don’t remember much after that," he said shyly. "I must have passed out."

"You did." I giggled. "Did it make you feel better?"

"Getting drunk?"

I nodded.

"No." He looked toward the window. "It was stupid and immature, and I shouldn’t have come here like that."

"Why did you?" There was a good chance he wouldn’t be able to answer that.

"I was really wasted by that point, but I had to see you," he told me. "Zack kept trying to talk me out of it, but I knew I hurt you with what I said at my house."

"I understand why you brought up adoption, but you have to understand that’s not what I want." He needed to know that wasn’t an option.

"I know, and it was insensitive of me to bring it up like that." He looked at my stomach again. "This baby has been a part of you for six months."

I nodded, but I wasn’t being fair, either. "You only just found out, and I should have listened to what you were thinking. Finally having you here and telling you what’s been going on was overwhelming, and when you asked if I’d considered adoption, well, I thought that . . . ." I didn’t want to finish; I still wasn’t sure how he felt.

"You thought I didn’t want this baby," he said.

"Do you?" I had to know. I figured it was better to know than to keep hoping for something that could never be. Hearing how he really felt was the only way I could move on.

He gently pressed his palm to my cheek and nodded.

"Oh," I whispered. His confirmation broke open the floodgates, and before I could control my emotions, I started to sob.

"Jocelyn," he whispered as he pulled me into his chest. "I said I wanted to keep the baby."

I heard the panic in his voice, but I cried anyway. "I know," I sobbed. "I just thought . . . ." I couldn’t stop crying, so he held me while I let it all out. I was mentally exhausted.

He rubbed my back and tried to calm me with reassurances that he wouldn’t leave me.

"Jocelyn," he said as he stroked my cheek, "I want to be here for you. I can be whatever you need. You shouldn’t be doing this alone."

"I wanted to tell you," I cried. "Really, I did, but you were so far away, and then when I heard what you told Evan when he thought Cali was pregnant, I panicked."

"Evan told you what I told him?"

"He didn’t know I was pregnant, and he was telling me how wonderful you were through it all, but you told him the baby was a complication he didn’t need and a huge responsibility."

"And that was true," he said. "In Evan and Cali’s case. I wasn’t speaking for us."

"What makes us different?"

"I’m older than Evan, so I can provide for my child. I’m in a better position."

"But I’m not."

"You can do whatever you want to do, Jocelyn." He released me and sat back, holding my gaze with his. "Just because you’re having a baby doesn’t mean your life is over. You have me, and I have very supportive parents. You can start college as soon as you’re ready."

"I don't think that's gonna happen." I had too many other responsibilities now.

"No, your life isn't over," he said again. "We’ll work it out if you want to go."

"I can’t really think about that now," I said. "I have so many other things to decide." I liked the idea of having the option of attending college later, but right now, I couldn't deal with the idea.

"What can I help you with?"

"I’m just happy you’re here and you know," I said. "It’s a huge relief. I thought you’d be really mad."

"I’m not mad you’re pregnant," he said. "You didn’t get that way by yourself, but I’m still a little disappointed you waited so long to tell me."

"I know," I said. "But I can’t change that. All I can say is I was doing what I thought was right at the time. I still don’t expect anything from you. I know I made a big decision for both of us, but I can take responsibility for this."

"That makes me mad," he said. "We can’t go back, so I’m not gonna dwell on that anymore, but the part about you not expecting anything from me . . . . Why would you think I’d walk away from this?"

"We weren’t together that long," I whispered.

"No, we weren’t," he said. "But didn’t you think I’d be man enough to handle this?"

"I knew you wouldn’t deny me, but I didn’t want you to leave Connecticut because you felt you had to. We talked all the time about that internship. I knew what it meant to you, to your future. I was wrong, but I wasn’t sure you . . . ."

I stopped, unwilling to mention the fact he'd never told me he loved me, that I had no idea whether he cared for me that much or not. And I sure as hell didn’t want to tell him that I loved him. I’d already thrown so much at him, and I wasn’t forcing any declarations out of him. He’d have to tell me when he was ready.

"What weren’t you sure about?" His tone reflected growing impatience.

"It doesn’t matter," I said. "You’re here now, and I hope you can forgive me, and we can move on."

"Just promise me we won’t have any more secrets," he said. "I want to be part of the rest of this pregnancy."

"I want that too." I smiled. "Sorry I lost it a few minutes ago. I do that a lot these days."

"It’s okay." He stroked my cheek again. "Let’s see if we can stop making that happen so much. I want you to be happy."

"I’m just so afraid," I said, but it was nice being able to talk to him about these things.

"I’m a little scared myself. I’ve never been in this position before. I mean, a baby, that’s really big."

"Tell me about it," I said on a yawn.

"I shouldn’t have woken you," he said. "I can go, so you can sleep."

"No!" I just got him back, and I wasn't ready for him to leave, but I didn't want to come across as needy, either. "I mean, if you have to go, I understand."

"I don’t have to go anywhere," he said. "But maybe you should sleep."

He moved onto my bed and pulled me to his side. "You looked so uncomfortable before," he said. "How can I help?"

"Maybe, if I . . . ." I shifted, rolled onto my side, and threw my leg over his hip.

"That seems to take the pressure off my stomach. I usually do it with the pillow, but it seems to work better with you."

"Okay." He smiled. "Whatever works for you." He stroked my hair and kissed the top of my head.

I’d waited so many nights for him to hold me like this. I didn't realized how much I needed him to touch me. This was the emotional connection I'd been missing during my whole pregnancy. Things weren’t perfect, I knew that. We had a long way to go before we worked everything out, but he was there and that was a start.

"He’s moving." I smiled.

"Now?"

I nodded.

He slowly moved his hand down my hip, but stopped before he got to my stomach. "Can I?" he whispered.

"Yes." I smiled up at him. "I want you to feel him."

"It could be a she, you know?" He grinned and gently placed his hand over my abdomen. We waited a few seconds, and then the baby kicked.

"Did you feel that?"

"Yeah! That’s really cool." His face lit up, clearly reflecting his joy. "Maybe we have a soccer star in there?" The baby moved again, and Alex’s smile widened. "I could do this all night."

"You may get your chance." I yawned again. "He’s not gonna settle down anytime soon." My eyelids fluttered.

"Sleep now," he whispered. "I’ll stay for a while."

"Okay," I mumbled, but I couldn’t fight my sleepiness, and I felt much calmer with Alex there. Moments later, I drifted off.

Chapter Nineteen

Two dozen yellow roses? Was he out of his mind? One dozen would have been more than enough.

I placed the vase in the center of the kitchen table and re-read the card that came with them. And, just like the first time I read it when the flowers were delivered a few minutes ago, I smiled.

Remember?

That was all it said, but that was all it needed to say.

My graduation night was filled with so many perfect memories. I thought back to when I saw his gorgeous face in the crowded gym, how he picked me up and kissed me, and then we were interrupted by Max. I recalled how he brought me to his house, and Sarah introduced me to all of her guests as his girlfriend. I laughed when I remembered Alex getting jealous over Evan flirting with me. I thought back to the gazebo and when he told me about the research project and how he wanted to come home after the internship because he had something to come home to. Then, of course, his bedroom. He was a man possessed, and I didn’t think I had ever been more turned on than I’d been that night. He claimed me, and I loved every second of it. For the first time in my life, I'd felt like a woman.

I couldn’t help but get a little sad when I thought about how things were so wonderful then and how they had all changed so quickly. Right now, we should be together. Alex was home from the internship, and we should’ve been starting a new life together, just the two of us as we’d planned that night in his backyard. But everything turned complicated. I wasn’t sure if we were even a couple anymore.

I'd hurt him. It was stupid of me to pull away from him the way I did. Bad enough I didn’t tell him about the baby right away, but I should’ve stayed in touch with him instead of putting him through all of that unnecessary worry. I had my reasons, and at the time, I thought it was for the best. Alex was being so good with me these past few days, but I wanted to feel that heat, like before. I wanted him to want me the way he did before I was pregnant.

I wanted to be with him. I was in love with him and having his baby. He cared for me, and I didn’t doubt he wanted the baby, but I wasn’t sure if he wanted to be with me. He’d only been home a short time, and he had enough on his mind; I didn’t think discussing our relationship was what he needed, on top of everything else. I wasn’t sure he could handle it.

For the time being, I decided I’d take what I could get and him spending the evenings with me, holding me and feeling my stomach, was more than I could’ve hoped for a few months ago. I could wait for him to admit his feelings.

What choice do I have?

I wouldn’t force the issue. If I did, I might never know if his feelings were genuine. I didn’t want to ask him how he felt and put him on the spot. He was already being so careful with me and my irrational feelings as it was. I didn’t want him to say something he thought I wanted to hear just to avoid a pregnancy-induced meltdown.

"Where did those come from?" Max asked as he got ready to leave for work.

"Alex." I smiled. "They just got delivered."

"They must have cost a fortune."

Yes, they probably did, but no one had ever sent me flowers before, and I was enjoying them.

"Doesn’t he know we have other expenses to think about? He shouldn’t be wasting his money on frivolous stuff."

Didn’t Max know I was tired, sad, and worried? And getting flowers from Alex totally made my day?

"I mean really, Jocelyn." Max frowned. "Even you would agree this is excessive and irresponsible."

I nodded and tried to hold back the tears, but it was too late.

"Oh crap," he grumbled. "Please don’t do that. I’m sorry. The flowers are pretty."

"Sorry," I sobbed. "It’s just getting these flowers today made me feel special."

"You are special," he said.

I roughly wiped the tears from my eyes, embarrassed over how easily I got upset.

"So, you and Alex back together?" He was trying hard not to hurt my feelings and make me cry again. He feared the pregnancy-induced meltdowns just as much as Alex did.

"I don’t think so," I said. "We haven’t really discussed that."

"He’s been here every night since he's been back, in your bedroom." He frowned again.

"I know you don’t like that, but you do know we’ve already had sex, right?

That’s how I got this way."

"Oh God," he said. "Please."

"Sorry." I smiled. "I like having him here with me. He helps me fall asleep, plus, when we lie there at night, the baby moves, and Alex really likes that. It’s his way to bond with our baby. He's already missed so much. So, could you please lay off him when he comes up to bed with me?"

"Hey, I think I’m being more than generous," he said. "I didn’t shoot him when he showed up here the other day, did I? And now I let him go to your room and snuggle up in your bed every night. What more do you want?"

"I want you to let him sleep here all night," I said, figuring the answer was always no unless you asked.

"No!" He shook his head. "Not happening."

"I’m having a baby with him." I reminded him. "It’s not like we’re doing anything inappropriate upstairs."

"Not anymore." He sighed. "Look, I have to work nights this week, so he can stay when I’m not here, but if I’m home, he doesn’t sleep in your bed. Please, spare me that?"

"Thanks, Dad." I smiled, hopped up, and kissed his cheek.

"Okay," he said. "I have to go to work, but Anna wanted me to remind you that we’re having Thanksgiving dinner with them, unless you’re eating with the Jordans?"

I always had Thanksgiving dinner with Max, and besides, Alex hadn’t mentioned what he was doing for the holiday.

"No." I shook my head. "Of course I’m eating with you."

"Good." He kissed the top of my head. "Maybe we ought to start crib shopping this weekend? That little one will need a place to sleep."

"Sure." I was hoping I wouldn’t have to think about that already, but three months would fly by, and Max was right, the baby needed a place to sleep. It made me sad to think I wouldn’t be able to give my baby a nursery with all the fancy bedding and furniture. The best I could do was the corner of my own room, but at least my little one would be close by. Maybe Alex would want to come over some nights and stay with us.

After Max left for work, I cleaned up the dinner dishes and took a shower. I was tired, but I knew Alex would be there soon, so I folded laundry and tidied up while I waited. A few minutes later, he was at the door.

"Hi." I smiled as I let him in.

"Hey." He entered and leaned down to quickly kiss my cheek.

I continued to smile, not wanting him to see how disappointed I was with such a loser greeting. I wanted more than a quick peck on the cheek, but I wasn’t sure if he did.

The last time he really kissed me was when he showed up drunk and pressed me up against the door. That kiss made my head spin. That was what I wanted from him, but again, I wasn’t going to force his hand.

"I got the flowers," I told him. "They’re beautiful."

"They reminded me of you." He smiled.

We went to the family room and sat on the couch. Alex pulled my legs into his lap and began gently rubbing my aching feet.

"How did you know I needed that?"

"Had a feeling." He grinned as he continued to work his magic on my sore, swollen feet. "Where’s Max?"

"Working." I closed my eyes and relaxed under his touch.

"Night shift?"

"Hmm . . . ." If he kept up the massage, I’d be asleep in a few minutes. He was now forgiven for the less-than-electrifying greeting.

"I don’t want you to stay here alone; maybe you should come to my house," he said.

"That’s not necessary."

"Yes, I think it is," he said, a little louder than called for. "I don’t like the idea of you being all alone. What if you need something? My father’s a doctor, and he could be of assistance. If you’re worried about sleeping in my room, you could have the guest room, but my parents wouldn’t care if you shared my bed."

"That’s very nice of you, but—"

"Please don’t argue this point with me too," he said. "I’m insisting."

"You don’t need to insist!" He was ruining a perfectly good massage. "Max already said you could stay with me while he’s at work."

"Really?"

"If you want to," I said. "But you don’t have to."

"I want to, but my bed is bigger." He smiled.

"But Brenna and Julia are always at your house, and I don’t have the energy to deal with their shit."

"Jocelyn." He sighed. "I know they weren’t nice to you, but eventually you’ll have to come to my house."

"I know, but not tonight," I said. "I’m just not ready to spend the night there."

Brenna would make it very uncomfortable for me. I hadn’t seen her or Julia since our run-in at the mall, and that was before they knew the baby was Alex’s. They’d have a field day with me now.

"I’ve spoken to Julia and explained to her there won’t be a future for us."

Yes!

"You didn’t have to do that," I told him.

"Yeah, I did," he said. "I should never have told her we’d try when I got back from Connecticut. That was never what I wanted."

"Well, I hope she understood."

"She wasn’t happy, and she yelled at me for leading her on, but once she figured out I didn’t plan on giving up my child, she backed off. As for my sister, well, I don’t really care what she thinks."

"That’s not true," I said. "Your family is too close. I know it bothers you, the way she treats me."

"I told her that," he said. "And while she’s not thrilled that you’re pregnant, she’ll get over it. She knows how much you mean to me."

"She does?"

I wish I knew.

"We’ll stay here this week, but the next time your dad works nights, we can revisit the idea of you coming and staying with me."

"We’ll see." I smiled, knowing he wouldn’t argue with me any further. Pregnancy has some advantages.

He shook his head and continued to rub my feet. We were quiet for a few minutes, but I wanted to ask him about tomorrow. I just wasn’t sure how he’d feel.

"You’re all tense again," he said. "What is it?"

"Umm," I stuttered. "I . . . I wanted to ask you something."

"Sure, anything."

"Tomorrow is my next ultrasound, and I was wondering if you wanted to take me."

"Yeah," he said. "It’s supposed to snow tonight, so I’d be happy to give you a ride."

"Um, yeah, I’d like for you to drive me, but I was hoping you’d want to come in with me and see the baby on the monitor."

"You want me to come with you?" he asked. "Inside the exam room?"

"Yes, why wouldn’t I?" I asked. Why did he seem so surprised? "You’re just as much a part of this as I am."

"I know." He looked away, as if he were trying to stop himself from saying anything else. He seemed to do that a lot lately.

"Just say what you’re thinking," I said. "It’s better that way. Then I don’t guess."

"I just didn’t expect you to ask me, that’s all."

"Why?"

"Joce, you haven’t been very forthcoming with this pregnancy." He stopped rubbing my feet, stood up, and paced the room. "I think I’m just confused."

"About?"

"My place in all of this." He gazed out the window. "I don’t want to upset you, but I’m still having a hard time accepting that you kept this from me. I’m trying to get past it, and then when you say things like, 'You're just as much a part of this as I am', well, it’s a little frustrating."

"I apologized for keeping it from you," I said. "I was wrong, but I didn’t know how to tell you. I didn’t want you to feel obligated."

"You didn’t give me a chance to feel obligated," he said, and hurt laced his words.

"Alex, I made a mistake. I’m not perfect, but I want you to be here and involved in the rest of this pregnancy. I switched clinics so your dad could be more involved, and I let your mom help me pick my new physician. I’m trying. I swear I am."

"I know." He sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "I’m sorry. I just need to come to terms with what happened. I've only been back a week."

"And you’ve been wonderful under the circumstances." I patted for him to come and sit with me. He walked over, sat down, and took my hand. "Most guys would’ve run in the opposite direction if they found out they got a teenage girl pregnant."

"I’m not most guys," he said. "I’d hoped you’d see that by now."

"I do," I whispered. "Tomorrow’s your birthday."

"Oh, yeah, I kinda forgot." He smiled.

"I can’t get you much." The man just spent a small fortune on flowers that were going to die in a few days, and I couldn’t afford to get him a present. But I hoped coming with me to the appointment would make up for that.

"You’re already giving me a present." He glanced down at my stomach.

"I know, but I made the appointment for tomorrow on purpose."

"Did you?" He grinned.

"I was hoping we could find out the sex of the baby." I bit my bottom lip. "I mean, if you want to."

"The suspense is killing me." He laughed. "That would be the best present ever."

"Then you’ll come?" I asked, just to be certain.

"I wouldn’t miss it." He pulled me closer to him. "Thank you for including me."

"I know I hurt you," I whispered. "I’m sorry."

"I know you are," he said as he stroked my hair. "Just give me some time, okay?"

"I can do that."

I didn’t have a choice. I knew what I’d done to him, and he didn’t turn his back on me or freak out. Ever since the night he found out about the pregnancy, he’d been there. He was trying to support me, and that was all I could ask for.

Our baby was lucky to have him. And so was I.

Chapter Twenty

Alex followed me into the exam room and waited patiently for the technician to come in and start the ultrasound. I lay quietly on the table, but I was fidgeting and having a hard time focusing.

"Are you cold?" He rubbed my arm. "You’re shivering."

"I just get nervous when I have any kind of exam, and this is nerve-wracking because they could find something wrong with the baby."

"You’re healthy, and so is our little one," he said, voice firm. "This is a happy exam. We’re going to get to see her."

"Or him." I smiled. "Will you be disappointed if it’s a him?"

"Of course not. As long as she’s healthy, it doesn’t matter."

"I’m just glad we’ll know for sure, and then we can pick out a name," I said. "Do you have any in mind?"

"No." He shook his head. "I haven’t thought that far ahead. You?"

"No," I said. "I wanted to wait for you to come home."

The technician walked into the room and introduced herself. She hardly glanced at me; she couldn’t seem to take her eyes off Alex. I briefly panicked, the crazy thought she might’ve been a one-night hook up for him, but he didn’t seem to know her. I tried to ignore her blatant attempt to eye him; I was just anxious for her to start.

I pulled up my shirt, and Alex was immediately mesmerized. He’d been placing his hands on the tiny bump for the past few nights, but that was over my shirt. This was the first time he’d seen it in the flesh, so to speak.

His baby is in there!

I smiled at him, but then my cheeks burned as I realized he stared at my exposed stomach.

"It’s adorable," he whispered.

The tech stared at him with a puzzled look on her face. "You didn’t attend her first ultrasound?" she asked, as she looked over my chart. She was probably searching for my marital status.

"No, I was at school."

Not that it's any of her business.

"What school did you go to?" she asked, and her smile suddenly seemed to get brighter.

"Yale."

"Wow!" she said. "You must be really smart."

"He is," I said. "I hope the baby has his brains." I looked at her innocently, but I was letting this twit know in no uncertain terms he was the father of my child.

"Can we get started?" Alex asked.

"Anxious, Mr. Andrews, is it?" she asked, as she spread the sticky gel over my bump. At least it was heated.

Now she's fishing for his relationship status!

"Actually, it’s Alex Jordan, and yes, I really want to see my baby on that monitor." He winked at me, and I let out a soft giggle. I didn’t realize how much I missed laughing.

"Jordan? As in Dr. Jack Jordan?" She quickly switched on the monitor and placed the paddle on my stomach.

"He’s my father," he said. "And I’m sure, as the Chief of Staff, he’d love to hear what a great job this department is doing. He may pop in to see how we’re progressing."

She ignored his last comment and took the measurements of the baby. She probably realized she needed to be doing her job if the Chief of Staff walked in.

Alex grinned and stared at the monitor. His eyes were full of joy, and, for the first time since he’d come home, he seemed genuinely happy.

"Do you see the little heart bopping up and down?" I asked. "That’s my favorite part."

He nodded, and I knew he was feeling exactly the same way I felt at my first ultrasound. The experience was beyond anything I could have imagined. There was a life in there. One we created together.

"You’re right on target for a February fourteenth baby," the tech said. "But that’s just an estimate since babies come when they want."

"It’s remarkable," he whispered.

Alex asked as more questions than I had my first time; he apparently wanted to know as much as I did about our little miracle. I was glad he was there, because he asked things I wouldn’t have thought of asking.

He counted the fingers and the toes, got a good look at all the organs, and checked that the spine was intact.

"You know an awful lot about the anatomy of a fetus," the tech said. "Are you a doctor?"

"Practically." I spoke for the first time in a while. "I told you he was really smart."

"Do you want to know the sex?" she asked. "Although I have a feeling Mr. Jordan already knows."

"I have a strong feeling about it, but I’d rather have you confirm it for us." He smiled.

"I want to know!" I squeaked. "I can hardly tell what I’m looking at."

"You and Alex are having a baby girl." She smiled, and she didn't seem so interested in my man anymore.

"A girl?" My eyes widened. "A little girl?" I stared at the monitor, trying to confirm for myself.

I looked up at Alex’s tear-filled eyes. I was sure, like me, it didn’t really matter either way, but now that we knew, it was surreal. I kept imagining a smaller version of myself wrapping her daddy around her tiny finger.

He's done for.

"Are you happy?" I whispered, tears sliding down my face.

"So happy, baby." He smiled and kissed my forehead. "A girl is perfect."

I reached up and wiped the tears from his eyes with my thumb. "She’s gonna love her daddy."

How couldn’t she?

The conversation during the car ride home was eerily one-sided. I kept going on and on about princesses and pink butterflies. I’d never been much of a girly girl, but now that I was having a girl, I was kinda excited.

We parked in the driveway and walked up to my porch. The weather was unseasonably mild for November, so we sat on the porch swing and watched the neighborhood kids play kickball in the street.

"Is everything okay?" I asked. "You’ve been really quiet since we left the hospital."

"I was just thinking," he said. "So much has changed since I left last July. I never expected to come back and find out I was gonna to be someone’s father."

"Oh," I whispered. Of course, the bubble was gonna burst.

Why do I think I have any right to be happy?

"Joce." He took my hand. "I made a mistake. A big one."

I don’t want to hear it!

"You know what, Alex," I said. "It’s okay. I understand."

"No, you don’t," he said. "You have no idea."

"You don’t owe me anything. I just hope you’ll stay in her life." I looked down and rubbed my hand over my stomach. "I want her to have two parents."

"What?"

"It was hard growing up with only one," I said. "I want better for her."

"Of course she’ll have two parents," he said. "Why would you think I’d walk out now?"

"You said you made a mistake, so I just figured you didn’t want to hang around me." I looked down again, but he tilted my chin so I was forced to look into those piercing green eyes. Every time I looked at the man, I knew he was all I’d ever want.

"I made the mistake before I left."

"We both did that, and I don’t consider her a mistake anymore." Now he was making me angry.

"Stop it," he said. "Please stop assuming the worst, and let me finish."

I nodded, still not wanting to hear what he had to say, but it was better to let him get it out, and then we could move on.

"I didn’t tell you exactly how I felt when I left for the internship, and then when you pulled away, I still didn’t man up. If I would’ve told you what I was feeling, I could’ve saved you all the stress and worry over telling me about the baby."

"I just didn’t want to be a responsibility for you," I said. "I feel awful for going about this the way I did."

"First of all, you’re not, and never have been, an obligation or a responsibility to me. I want you just as much as I want our daughter. You’re a package deal for me. The thought of losing you drives me insane."

"I know you care about me."

"You do?" He appeared obviously relieved.

I nodded. "But sometimes it’s hard for me to know how much. You do so many nice things for me, but then you don’t always express what you’re feeling."

"I know." He twirled a strand of my hair around his finger. "I’ve made some big mistakes with you, but only because it was all new to me. I didn’t realize it at first, but I swear I knew before I left for that internship. I just didn’t recognize it then."

He leaned in and softly pressed his lips to mine. "You mean everything to me."

Before he could say anything else, I threw my arms around his neck and eagerly kissed him back.

"I know you’re afraid." I kissed him again. "I was scared too, but Alex, I know what you’re trying to say. I can feel it."

"You can?" He smiled.

"Yes, and I love you too." I was putting myself out there, but when I saw his face in that exam room, I knew he was feeling the same way I was. I just needed him to admit it.

"Jocelyn, I love you so much, and I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, sweetheart." He pulled me into another kiss, running his hands through my hair and then stopping to look in my eyes. "I should’ve told you before I left, and then you wouldn’t have been afraid to tell me about our baby."

"I wouldn’t have wanted you to tell me, if you weren’t sure."

"I wanted to tell you when I came back. I had every intention of coming home and tracking you down, but then I was afraid you’d think I was telling you because you were pregnant."

"I probably would have." I laughed. "I seem to make a habit out of assuming the wrong thing."

"Hmm . . . ." He shook his head. "That's an understatement." He took my hand and placed it over his heart. "When I thought you’d moved on, I almost lost my mind. I had to stop myself three times from getting on a plane and coming back here to make you see how much I loved you. I didn’t want to force myself on you; you were young, and I thought you needed your space. I want to make you proud of me, Jocelyn. I want to be a good father to our little girl, and I want to be the man you’ll love forever."

I couldn’t hold back the tears. Not only did he want our baby, but he wanted me too.

He laughed as he wiped the tears from my cheeks. "My hormonal girl."

"It’s just I’ve been waiting for you to tell me how you’ve felt, and now that you have, I feel so relieved. You’ve been great about everything these past few days, but I doubted your feelings for me. There was no doubt in my mind about you wanting her."

I took his hand and placed it on my stomach. "But I was scared once she was born, I’d lose you."

"You’re never gonna lose me," he whispered. "I’m gonna take care of my girls for the rest of my life."

"Good, 'cause we need you." I rested my head against his chest.

We sat in silence for a few minutes. I was letting it all sink in. I finally knew how he felt, and it was such a relief. We had a long way to go, so much to learn about one another, and then there was the obstacles that came with having a baby so early on in our relationship. But now that I knew he loved me, it all seemed possible.

Chapter Twenty-one

Five Years Later . . . .

I walked into the foyer, dropping my keys on the table and placing my backpack on the bench by the door. I felt a huge sense of relief over having just completed my last final. It had been a long four years, but I was finally finished.

So much had happened since I'd found out I was pregnant. Alex and I got married a few months after our daughter, Alexa, was born. We named her for Alex’s biological mother. I went back to school and worked toward a degree in Communications. We had a house built on the plot next door to Alex’s parents' house, and our backyards were connected by a beautiful, wooded trail. I liked having them close. They, along with Max, were very supportive and helped Alex and me as much as they could.

Alex did really well with the research project, and the doctor he worked for was so impressed with him, he offered Alex a full-time job on staff in the research department. And, because of the support from our parents, Alex was able to go back and get his Ph.D. and that helped him secure a higher position. He loved the work he was doing, and I was so proud of him, almost as proud as his father was.

Evan had recently gotten engaged to Cali. The two of them found their way back to one another about two years ago, and they’d been exclusive and happy ever since.

Alexa was over the moon that she was going to be in a wedding with me and her daddy. She was a little disappointed that her Uncle Evan was getting married to someone else, since she thought she was his one and only, but once he explained to her that no one could replace her in his life, and she was getting a new dress for the wedding, she was more than fine.

I was feeling overly tired, but most of my exhaustion was due to the past three days of finals, caring for my rambunctious five-year-old, and keeping up with my sexy husband’s overactive libido. Not that I was complaining about any of it, but I was feeling the effects, and my body was letting me know in no uncertain terms something really big was going on.

I followed the sounds of Alex and Alexa's giggles. They were sitting on the back porch coloring, so I stood in the doorway and listened to their very engaging conversation. They always made me laugh.

"Daddy?" Alexa asked in her high pitched, singsong voice.

"Yes, pumpkin?" Alex pushed aside the blond ringlets that had fallen into her eyes.

"Daddy!" she huffed.

"Oh, right." He laughed, shaking his head. "No pumpkin. Err, what was it again?"

I smiled; I knew what she wanted him to call her just as well as he did. She was on an obscure vegetable kick lately, and she had a new one practically every other day.

"Spaghetti squash." She sighed as she diligently colored. "You remember."

"Spaghetti squash." He ran his hand through his hair. "Where did I get you?"

"From Mommy’s tummy."

"So, what did you want to tell me?" he asked.

"That Grandpa Jack is on his way to get me?"

"Really? What makes you think so?"

"Because when you were on the computer, I called him and told him to come and get me," she said. "I pushed the button that said Dad on your phone."

"Did you?" He laughed. "And what did he say?"

"He’ll be right over," she said. "Can I have that blue crayon?"

"Sure." He kissed her cheek.

I could watch the two of them all day. Alex was perfect with her, and she adored him. Sometimes, he was the only one who could make it all better for her. She was a Daddy’s girl.

"Mama’s home," I said as I stepped out onto the porch.

"Mama!" Alexa screamed as she jumped off the chair and into my arms. "Are you smart now?"

"Yes." I laughed. "I think so." I carried her over to Alex and leaned down to kiss him.

"Hey, beautiful." He kissed me back. "How was the exam?"

"Good," I said. "But, I’m happy it’s finally over."

"You’ve worked really hard, and I’m so proud of you," he said. "I knew you could do it."

"I couldn’t have done it without you."

"Now we get to have the graduation party." Alexa clapped as she squirmed out of my arms. "I’m helping Grandma plan the party."

"Then it’ll be the best party ever," I said as I put her down. "Did you have a good morning?"

"Yes," she said. "But now I have to get ready."

"Oh." I smiled. "Have a date?"

"She does," Jack said as he came through the path that connected the two houses.

"Grandpa!" Alexa ran toward him and jumped into his arms.

He spun her around and gave her a tight hug. "Miss me?"

"Yes," she said. "What took you so long?"

"I had to take a call from Aunt Brenna’s doctor," he said. "But I’m here now, and Grandma is waiting for you. I hear you two are busy spending my money."

"Grandma said not to listen to you and your money talk," she said as he put her down. "We have to give Mama a party and Uncle Evan a wedding. I’ll be right back!"

"Where are you going?" Alex asked as she ran in the house.

"I have to get my bag," she yelled on her way into the house.

"Her bag?" Alex gave me a pointed look.

"It has a pack of fruit snacks, a juice box, and a pen." I rolled my eyes. "She’s an accessories girl."

He nodded and quietly laughed to himself.

"So"—Alex faced Jack—"Brenna’s doctor?"

"Everything’s fine," Jack said.

Brenna and Ryan were happily married, but it took them three years to get pregnant, and that was only after several rounds of in-vitro once Jack found her the best fertility specialist in the country. She was due in three months. It had taken Brenna a while to warm up to me, but once Alexa arrived, she proved to be a great aunt and an even better sister-in-law.

"I was just getting a progress report," he told us.

"I’m ready!" Alexa said as she came running out of the house. "Don’t wait up."

Alex and I smiled at our little angel.

"Come on." Jack took her hand. "We’ll see you two for dinner. Evan and Cali are coming over too."

"Okay." I kissed his cheek. "Thanks again for the education."

He returned my kiss. "It was my pleasure, Jocelyn," he said. "I’m just so proud you got your degree."

"Not yet," I said.

"I’m sure you passed your finals," he said. "You always do."

I smiled and leaned down to kiss Alexa.

"Be a good girl," I said.

"I’m always a good girl, right, Grandpa?" She looked up at him with her father’s green eyes.

"He’s not a good one to ask." Alex kissed the top of her head. "He’s biased. We’ll see you in a little bit."

"Take your time," she yelled as they headed down the path.

Alex let out a sigh and plopped down on the lounge chair. "She was in rare form today." He laughed. "My little chatterbox."

"She’s full of energy, isn’t she?" I crawled in next to him.

He turned to face me and slowly kissed my lips. "You look tired, baby," he said and felt my head. "You okay?" He was always taking care of me.

"I’m fine." I smiled. "Just glad to be done."

"Now what do you want to do?" he asked. "You can do anything you want."

"I know. But, I was thinking."

"About?" He gently kissed my lips, but quickly deepened it, moving his hand up and resting it on my hip.

"Hmm," I mumbled against his lips, but then I pushed him away. "Wait!"

"Jocelyn?" he said. "We have the house all to ourselves for at least three hours. Do you know how many times we can do it in three hours?"

"I do." I giggled. "And I wanna take you up on that, but don’t sidetrack me yet."

"Okay," he said. "I apologize. What were you thinking about?"

"Well, I know I worked really hard to get my degree, and I did it in four years, even though you said I could take my time."

"There was no rush," he said. "But I admire your dedication and determination all while you took care of me and Alexa. You’re amazing."

"Thanks," I said. "You were a huge help, and I couldn’t have done it without you or your family."

"I personally think you should take the summer off and think about what you want to do," he said. "You’re still young and have plenty of time to think about a career."

"Actually." I bit my lip.

"Don’t do that." He bit my lip. "You know it distracts me."

"Sorry." I giggled. "I don’t want to work right away."

"That’s fine," he said. "I’ll support whatever you want."

"I’m glad I have the degree, but I still want to raise Alexa for now," I said. "And, I got some news this morning I wanted to share with you."

"What kind of news?" He smiled as he kissed me again.

"It’s big." I grinned. "And this time, I wanted you to be the first to know."

"This time?" He thought for a few moments, and then I saw the realization cross his face. "Are you?"

I nodded.

"Are you sure?"

"I took a pregnancy test this morning. I’m only a week late, but since I was on the pill, I wanted to make sure."

He pulled me toward him and kissed me softly, wrapping his arms around me. "I love you."

"You’re not mad? I mean, I know we weren’t planning this." I honestly didn’t know what happened. I took my pill every day, so I figured this was just really meant to be.

"Mad?" He kissed my forehead. "I’ve wanted to ask you if you’d be ready for another baby, but I wanted you to finish school first. I can’t believe it."

"Me neither. I love you so much, and I’ve wanted to have another baby for a while. I was afraid the age gap was getting too big between Alexa and a sibling."

"She’ll be so excited." He took my face between his hands and slowly kissed me.

"This is perfect."

"So much different than the last time," I said.

"That all worked out though," he said. "I love my girls, and now we get a new baby."

He slipped his hands over my stomach. "I can’t wait to feel him move."

"Him?"

"I was right last time, wasn’t I?"

"You had a fifty percent chance." I giggled. "I can’t wait for you to feel the baby move too. I always felt so connected to you when you would lie in my bed at Max’s house and feel Alexa moving inside me. Do you remember that?"

"It was my favorite part of the pregnancy." He smiled. "Well, that, and your aggressive sex drive."

"Hmm . . . ." I inched closer to him. "I liked that part too."

He ran his hands through my hair, and then gently stroked my cheek.

"You’re happy." His feelings were written all over his face.

"Very."

"You’re always doing everything to make sure I’m happy," I said. "You provide for us. You’re the most incredible father, and everything I’ve accomplished these past five years was all because of you."

"You’re wonderful all on your own."

"You’ve helped me so much and knowing I can give you another baby and you’re so thrilled about it makes me feel good inside."

"I love the fact that we’re sharing something so special together." He rubbed my stomach.

I cuddled into his chest as he wrapped his arms around me. I felt so relaxed and at peace in his arms. I closed my eyes and drifted off, but one thought kept running through my head. Alex is with me from the beginning this time around. We’d get to experience the entire pregnancy together. There were no more secrets.

~The End~

About the Author

Ella Jade has been writing most of her life. For as long as she can remember, she always had a pen and paper in hand and the dialog always played out in her head. Now, as an adult, the laptop is never far.

She lives in NJ with her very patient husband and her two young boys. She hopes you'll get lost in her words.

Learn more about Ella online at http://ellajadeauthor.blogspot.com/

Indice

Prologue

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Nineteen

Chapter Twenty

Chapter Twenty-one

Table of Contents

Prologue

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Nineteen

Chapter Twenty

Chapter Twenty-one