Dom Up

Devlin Black book 1

Alaska Angelini

Dom Up

Devlin Black book 1

Alaska Angelini

Copyright © 2014 by Alaska Angelini

ISBN: 9781938076374

All Rights Reserved

All characters and events in this book are fictitious. Any resemblance to persons living or dead is strictly coincidental. The scanning, uploading and distribution of this book via the Internet or any other means without the permission of the publisher is illegal, and is punishable by law. Please purchase only authorized electronic editions, and do not participate in or encourage the electronic piracy of copyrighted materials. Your support of the author’s rights is appreciated.

Dedication

To all of you out there who have given my books a chance; thank you so much for the support. And to all of my dedicated fans. You all are the best! Catherine, Mai, Terri, Terry, Donna, and Kitty…You’re amazing!

Prologue

Victoria

Two years earlier...

The mist that fell from the sky had me rushing through the dim restaurant parking lot as best as I could in four inch stilettos. Although I couldn’t deny the cool moisture felt good against my heated skin, the last thing I wanted to do was look like a drowned mess for my blind date. It had been months since I’d had enough free time and although I hadn’t really wanted to come, my friend, Lorraine, had convinced me. Instead of paying attention to the details, I’d clung to the idea of getting out and acting normal. But even with my growing excitement, I couldn’t deny the fear concerning my past.

Car lights illuminated the curtain of rain as it increased and I paused at the street while an SUV pulled out into traffic. Whoever the hell thought it was a good idea to put the parking lot across the road from the upscale Italian restaurant was a complete fool. With as packed as downtown L.A. traffic was, I’d be soaking wet before I was able to make it inside.

Six more cars went by before the light from the crosswalk changed. I jogged the distance and a couple stepped from the entrance, hugging to each other as they huddled under an umbrella. The man held the door and I couldn’t have been more relieved. “Thank you,” I managed, while I slipped past them and headed inside. The rich smell nearly had me moaning as I wiped the water from my cheek.

“Welcome to Ricci’s. Do you have a reservation?”

My mouth parted as I suddenly realized I’d forgotten the name of my blind date. “I’m sorry. I’m meeting someone here. He made the reservations.” Before I could look any more unprepared, I removed the phone from my clutch, praying it wouldn’t take me too long to pull up the email from Lorraine.

“No need. Mr. Black gave strict instructions to have you brought over the moment you arrived.”

“Black?” I shook my head. “I’m not sure…” Hell, that didn’t ring a bell. Had I been so busy with work that it didn’t even sound familiar? I internally groaned. Probably. My job had been really hectic lately and I was working a lot of double shifts. As I untied the belt and undid the buttons to my half trench, I couldn’t stop myself from getting that nervous prickling in my stomach. How would this date turn out? Would I even like the guy? Would he like me?

The woman’s arm extended and swept the jacket away as I held it out. A mirror along the back wall brought my hands flying to my hair. The curls I’d rolled were long gone from the rain. Now all that remained was a flat, knotted mess. Shit. At least the cream colored dress I’d worn hadn’t gotten drenched. That made me at least half presentable.

“Right this way, ma’am.” She motioned and I felt my heart explode in rhythm. Socializing outside of my job wasn’t something I did often, but what did I truly have to fear? It was just a date. Nothing more. If it turned into a disaster, it wasn’t like anything was going to change. Still, for one night, just one, I’d like to get some kind of satisfaction. Even if it was just good conversation.

I smoothed down the dress along my side as I scanned the tables, taking in the cozy couples deep in conversation. Long, white candles were lit in the center, each encircled by red roses. The environment was dim. Romantic.

The hostess stopped at a table and I couldn’t keep the surprise from my face as my lips parted. My heart all but ceased to beat the moment our eyes connected.

“Have a great night.” The blonde headed back to the front and it took a few seconds to tear my gaze from the dark haired man who had risen. As he began to walk over, I couldn’t ignore his height. Damn, he was tall. And absolutely nothing like Lorraine had described.

“You’re late.” The power in his voice had my eyes lowering, which caught me off guard. I never broke eye contact. Ever.

It took everything I had to bring my attention back up to meet his stare. “I’m sorry. Traffic was terrible.” Was I making excuses to this man? If I was late, it was only by maybe five minutes.

He stepped forward and pulled out my chair. “Sit.”

There it was again. Power…arrogance.

The command left my inner-self defensive. Yet, I held my tongue. Something felt off. Hadn’t Lorraine said this guy was an accountant? He held the air of a bulldog lawyer, or someone whose job revolved around being in control.

I eased into the chair, catching the scent of his cologne as he leaned the top part of his body down.

“You’re going to pay for making me wait, kitten.” His large hand wrapped around the back of my neck and my breath caught in my throat. At his thumb tracing a path from behind my ear, down to my collarbone, I could feel myself stop breathing altogether. “You just wait. The small amount of mascara under your eyes will pale in comparison to when I get done with you. You’re going to be crying for me to give you release. And I will, but not until you deserve it.”

As fast as he had leaned in, he moved and sat back down in the chair. His dark blue eyes burned me with their intensity. I couldn’t help but squirm in my chair. Holy shit! Who was this guy and what was Lorraine even thinking? Was this right? I looked around the room, trying to ignore that my hands were shaking. But not in a bad way. My body was humming with arousal and I couldn’t understand why. After all, it wasn’t like he was whispering romantic poems in my ear. The guy was hinting that I would be crying, albeit in ecstasy. Still, I wasn’t one to shed a tear over a man for any reason.

When my attention came back to him, there was nothing but amusement on his face. His eyes were practically sparkling in the candlelight. Beautiful was the only word that came to my mind. Even with stubble on his square jaw giving him a slight rugged appearance, he was perfection in his expensive suit.

A laugh emerged from his mouth. The deepness of the tone had me moving against the chair even more. He rested his arms on the table and leaned in closer. “You’re not Heather, are you?”

“I’m sorry?” I swallowed hard, trying to make myself focus. Those damn eyes were playful in the moment, masking the darkness I kept getting glimpses of.

“Heather. You’re not her.”

“No.” I shook her head. “I’m Victoria.”

“I see.” Slowly, his gaze narrowed and I noticed that he was looking at something behind me. “I apologize if I upset you,” he continued. “But I think that,” he pointed, “would be your date. And, if I’m correct, the confused woman at his table, would be mine. I think the hostess got the two of you confused. Which doesn’t surprise me since it’s her first night. You might say I’m a regular here.”

I turned to the table I should have been sitting at and then glanced back at the mysterious man I’d been introduced to. “Damn,” I whispered, staring at the couple not far away. The accountant looked exactly how I’d imagined. Not remotely attractive. At least, not now that I’d been paired up with Mr. Black. It was just my luck. By the way my real date was gawking at the model gracing his table, I felt like I was ruining both men’s night. One probably thought he’d hit the jackpot. The other…I turned around and faced forward. “I bet you’re relieved I’m not your real date,” I laughed. “I’m sorry, if you’ll excuse me.”

The moment I started to stand, he shook his head. “Sit. Please.”

If there was a smile on my face, it was gone now. The trembling came back full force. Cautiously, I lowered, grateful for the sturdy chair beneath me.

“Good. You take orders well.” He picked up his small glass and took a sip of the amber liquor. Everything in me wanted to argue, yet I didn’t and I wasn’t sure why. “I have to admit,” he continued, “I was going to call and cancel, but I’m kind of glad I didn’t. So…Victoria.” He nodded. “I like that better. Don’t take this the wrong way, there’s nothing wrong with the name Heather. Victoria is just more my style.”

“Thank you?” Did names suit people? I could barely ponder on the question as I glanced back behind me. “Isn’t she going to know? I mean, if she’s spoken to you at all, she’s going to realize he’s not the same person.”

The waiter came up, hindering me from saying more. As Mr. Black began to talk, I took in his full lips, not hearing a single word coming from them. I couldn’t think clearly. He screwed with my mind, made it impossible to grasp onto rational thought. All I could see as I lowered my vision was his wide build and how the suit he wore molded to his shoulders and chest perfectly. God, if he looked that good with clothes on, how would he look with them off?

The waiter cleared his throat and I suddenly realized that they must have been watching me for some time. Heat engulfed my face. I looked down at the table, noticing a drink was already sitting in front of me.

“What will you be having?”

Damn, I was making a fool of myself. From the satisfaction on my new date’s face, I fought with whether I should call it quits and leave. It was too much. But I was good at running. I wouldn’t tonight. Not yet, anyway. “I’ll have what he’s having. Thanks.”

With a nod and smile, he walked away.

“What are you having?” I whispered.

He laughed. “You’ll see. Let’s just say, I hope you’re hungry.”

“Starving,” I breathed out. Yeah right, I was so nervous, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to eat a single bite. “I’m sorry, I didn’t get your first name, Mr. Black. What should I call you?”

In that moment, something deliciously dark passed over his features. It triggered the woman in me. Made me want throw caution to the wind and let things play out to see what happened, even with knowing how he was. That was dangerous. He was too sexy. Too irresistible. And, if I was smart, I’d think twice about staying another minute in his presence. The sex appeal he threw off was addicting. It was one thing to soak it up if I had nothing to lose, but I’d been here before.

“For now, you can call me Devlin.”

“For now?” I narrowed my eyes, confused.

“That’s right.”

Well, he obviously wasn’t going to tell me more. Which was fine. The less I knew about this man, the better. It was dinner. That was all. Anything more was asking for trouble.

“Why don’t you tell me a little about yourself?” He took another drink and sat back casually in the chair. I turned and glanced back at the couple we’d each been meant for. The two were laughing hysterically.

“Well, I’ll be damned.” I shrugged off the guilt I’d felt and reached for the glass sitting in front of me. Wine. That wasn’t going to work. I reached for the water instead. I’d never been a drinker. Didn’t care for the taste or the effects. Control was something I needed and I wasn’t about to lose it now. Although, liquid courage did sound rather appealing in the moment. A part of me almost wanted to brave seeing what Devlin was capable of. “Me. Well, it’s kind of complicated, I—”

“You’re one of those corporate women, aren’t you? Slaving at the office, trying your best to make it up the ladder of success.”

I paused and took a drink, not sure whether I should be offended or not. It wasn’t even close to the truth, but the fact the he had me stereotyped didn’t work in his favor. Another point against him. A big one. “I do spend most of my time working.”

“I can tell. You’re very out of your element right now.”

Wasn’t that the truth. He’d nailed it there.

His finger circled around the top of the glass. “The tension you have going through you is thick. You’re listening to me, but I know your thoughts are on a million other things. Which is a pity, really. I’d love to slow your mind for you. Make everything just disappear.” The smoothness of his voice was electric, shocking my body to life for the first time in months. Every nerve ending was fired up, a complete contrast to what my mind was starting to think of him.

“An impossible task, I assure you. I don’t mean to blow your ego out of the water here, Devlin, but I like my mind exactly where it is.”

Blue disappeared as his eyes narrowed in on me. “Sounds like a challenge to me. You see, I know I could make you forget about everything and everyone you’ve ever known. That, kitten, is a fact.”

Just feeling the confidence he projected, I could almost believe him. Unfortunately, I’d never know. Fucking the accountant would have been easy. He was, in all likelihood, safe. Someone I knew I’d never get attached to. But this man. He wouldn’t work. I didn’t trust him and could never really see myself being able to.

“I’m sorry.” I smiled and tightened my hold on the clutch I had gripped tightly in my hand. “Why don’t you tell me what you ordered and I’ll just pay now. I should really go.”

The way his mouth slightly lifted into the hint of a grin almost made me change my mind. I could tell he picked up my fear. For some reason, it bothered me. I didn’t want him to know my insecurities. Inability to trust was the biggest one.

“It’s probably for the best.” He lowered his voice and crooked his finger, motioning me forward. The candle and flower arrangement slid over at his gentle push. Hesitantly, I obeyed, basking in his voice the moment he began to speak again. “Once I got done with you, Victoria, you’d never be the same. I’d hurt you in the most delicious fucking ways imaginable. You’d be begging me for more. And I’d give it to you. As many times as you’d like. All you’d have to do is call. I’d send a car for you no matter what time it was.”

“Hurt?” I suddenly realized I was breathing a tad too hard. Fuck, I needed to get out of here before I fell further under this man’s spell. His words didn’t scare me. Not like they should have. I was more interested in learning exactly what he meant. To experience why he thought pain would feel so good to me.

The waiter came back. I picked up the wine glass and handed it to him, but never broke my stare from Devin. I couldn’t. “Martini. Dry.”

As soon as he walked off, I leaned in closer. “Hurt, how?”

He shrugged. “It’s not something I could tell you. At least not like this.” He tapped his finger on his lower lip and I was instantly sucked into the location. Again. “Would you like me to give you a taste?”

Chapter 1

Devlin

“Jerk!”

Fire raced across my cheek at the slap. I blinked, shaking my head, confused. I stared at the blonde who gripped the sheet to cover her small breasts. “Jasmine?” I held up my hand. “No, Daphne.”

Smack!

Fuck, that one hurt.

“It’s a flower though, right?”

“You’re unbelievable.” The short hair swayed just to her chin as she shook her head. “Hannah sounds nothing like a flower. Asshole.”

Ah, Hannah. That was right. The flower was the night before. Damn, I needed to quit drinking so much. Or at least learn to moderate the amount I consumed.

“Listen, you can be pissed at me all you want, but I don’t think I complained when you threw up in my two hundred and fifty thousand dollar car, so do me a favor and cut me some slack. If you’re still offended, the exit door is right through that one.” I pointed to the far side of the room.

“You make me sick. I can’t believe I even left with you.” She stood, her nude, too skinny body making me wonder the same damn thing. Why had we left together? She wasn’t typically my type. Had I been that far gone? I was done with drinking. This time, for real.

“Do me a favor,” I pushed to my elbow, pointing to the mantle. “Can you hand me that remote on your way out?”

An aggravated yell filled the room as she hobbled over, her tight blue dress caught on her hips and one shoe already on. I grabbed the pillow, deflecting the remote that came flying right for my head.

“Thanks, love.” I was already pressing the button before I braved lowering my shield. It was a wise choice to hesitate. My shoe bounced off my wrist, flying just over my head.

“I hope I never see you again, Devlin Black.”

“My car says the same thing. Now move, you’re blocking the screen…as amazing as that is,” I said, under my breath. She was as thin as my thigh. To some men, that might have been appealing, but I liked my women with curves. There was barely a single one on her.

The news played on the large flat screen, but I was only half paying attention. There was no way I was taking my attention off of her. Not when she had a penchant for throwing things. Had she been the softball player in college? Hell, I couldn’t remember. If she hadn’t, perhaps she should have been.

Within minutes, she was storming out. No goodbye, but I did happen to get a fuck you as she slammed my front door.

“Another one bites the dust,” I said, sighing as I positioned the pillows behind my back. Fuck, my cock throbbed. That only told me one thing. Something I was getting quite used to. I didn’t come. Again. And I knew it wasn’t the alcohol affecting my performance. No, it was me and my issues. I could get off just fine by myself. Women just weren’t doing it for me anymore. Not even the dominating thing turned me on.

“Devlin.” The echo from my answering machine filled the room and I smiled at Branson’s voice. He had been my best friend since grade school. “Dev, I’ve called your cell a million times. Pick up the phone. I know you’re home. Listen, Jill’s in the hospital.”

I was flying out of bed before he even said another word.

“The baby keeps trying to come and it’s too early. They have her on medication trying to stop the labor, but I don’t know. When she wakes up, she’s sick. I’m freaking out. I need you.”

The fear in his voice was evident and I felt it turn my blood cold. I loved Jill like a sister. Branson and Jill had been high school sweethearts and for a while, the three of us had been inseparable. That was, until I had made my money. We stopped hanging out so much after that, but we still had dinners on occasion. I missed them. Missed the friendship we all had. If I wanted to be truthful, what they shared had always put me off. I wanted something true like that. A love you were willing to die for; to protect against everything.

The machine beeped, indicating he hung up, but I was already pulling clothes from my closet. Nothing fancy. Just jeans and a T-shirt. My shower took all of a few minutes. Just enough to wipe the smell of perfume and liquor from my body. They’d know anyway, but it was best not to outright remind them of how far I’d fallen.

As I brushed my teeth, flashes of the night before almost had me gagging. Damn, I’d fucked Blondie in my car. Had her straddle me right in my driver’s seat after I’d made her suck my cock all the way to my parking garage. I probably shouldn’t have shaken her up so much. My thrown-up in, bad ass car. Another one I’d be selling the moment I got it detailed. When was I going to learn?

Right now.

But I’d said it before. A million times. And here I was, hung-over, after fucking a woman I wasn’t remotely interested in, again.

The five o-clock shadow made the dark circles under my eyes appear even darker. I couldn’t even stand to look at myself anymore. I needed a change. A change in appearance. In attitude. In my whole lifestyle.

Getting dressed blurred by and I barely recalled calling the cab. A fucking cab. When was the last time I took one of those? I couldn’t even remember. There were so many things I didn’t do that I used to. Like hiking, or mountain bike riding, or just going out and watching a movie. Even if it was by myself. When was the last time I’d been to the beach? I lived so close to the water and yet I couldn’t even remember how many months had gone by since I’d seen it.

People on the sidewalk walked by, laughing, enjoying themselves. All I could do was stare as every minute brought me closer to the past I’d tried to distance myself from over the last few years. But Jill and Branson wouldn’t let me go. Maybe they saw the mess I was in. I’d lost everything the first year I’d made my money. If you considered a fiancée everything. I thought Rhayne had been the one. Our relationship started hot and heavy. It hadn’t taken long to see that she wanted to marry my bank account more than me. It tore me apart, but I made the hardest decision at the time, and ended it. She’d been the first submissive I collared. And the last. Not that one woman hadn’t tempted me to do it again. Damn, she’d been perfect, and also the start of my derailment. There still wasn’t a time I didn’t search for her in a crowd.

The cab stopped at the entrance of the hospital. I paid and pulled out my phone as I shut the door behind me. I hit Branson’s number and he answered almost immediately.

“I’m outside. How do I find you?”

What sounded like a sigh of relief broke through. “I’ll be right down.” He hung up and I shoved the phone in my pocket. A couple walked by, the woman showing quite a bit with her own pregnant stomach. A protectiveness radiated from the man as he held his arm around her shoulder, but the happiness on his face as they laughed and walked through the double doors had my brow furrowing. What would it be like to know I was going to be a father? To have my child growing by the day? To find a woman I loved enough to take that step?

“Can I hold him, daddy?”

I turned from the main entrance to a blond gentleman walking his daughter past me. She had to have been only a few years old. I knew nothing about kids, but from her size, I figured she was four or five.

“Yes, honey, you can hold him. You just have to be careful. Baby Andy is very small.”

A squeal came from her tiny mouth and she tried clapping while still holding her father’s hand. I’d never felt so out of place. Yet…something stirred at seeing those small fingers curled around his. The way she stared up at him like he was everything in her world.

“Shit,” I whispered, under my breath. Air suddenly felt hard to take in and I pulled at the collar of my shirt, even though it wasn’t touching my throat. Branson needed to hurry. I didn’t belong here. Didn’t deserve to be here. Marriage and children were the Holy Grail for the closeted man I wished to be. I just wasn’t there yet. Wasn’t sure if I’d ever be.

More couples walked by and I tried to ignore their happiness, their closeness, as they held each other. It was impossible. I found myself walking to the grassy area off to the side. A man, not much younger than my thirty-five years, was letting a toddler run around. As he stood, bent over, talking, the little boy plopped down and struggled to get back to his feet causing the father to laugh.

“Jason!” A woman rushed around me toward them. His head lifted and he picked up the boy, meeting her half way. For some reason, I felt myself stepping closer.

“Well, what did they say?”

Her nod brought a large smile to his face. “Six weeks along. Can you believe it? We never thought we’d have Michael, but another, too?” His arm pulled her in close, trapping her long, red hair under his forearm.

I started walking backward, feeling like an ass for invading their beautiful moment. Weight pushed into the middle of my back and I spun around.

“Jesus, buddy, you’re pale as a ghost. Long night?”

Sweat was starting to cover my skin. What in the hell was wrong with me? Was I still drunk? I had to be.

“How’s Jill? She okay?”

Branson ran his fingers through his short blond hair, even though there wasn’t really much there now. The buzz cut made him look…older. Jesus. Was he starting to go bald? Were we getting that ancient? More panic set in.

“They’re trying to stop the contractions. She’s only twenty-eight weeks.”

“Twenty-eight. That sounds like a lot.” I shook my head, confused. How many weeks were in nine months? Or was it ten? Fuck, I couldn’t think right now.

“Forty weeks total, Dev.” Another couple walked by and I scanned the area. “You look on the verge of running. You okay?”

“What the hell is this place?” I asked, wiping the sweat from my forehead. Not all of the women looked ready to have a baby and one had found out she had conceived, yet they were here, at the hospital. The longer I looked around, the more confused I became.

Branson laughed, taking in the people surrounding us. “There’s a clinic downstairs. Let’s get some coffee before we head back up. Jill’s pretty much in an induced coma. They want her out so her body will relax. I don’t think she’ll notice if I’m gone for five minutes.”

“Oh my God.” We’d only gotten a few steps in, but I felt myself halt at his words. “Is she okay? A coma, that sounds serious. I think we should head up there now.”

“Coffee,” he stressed. “We got here at eleven last night. I haven’t slept at all. I need something to keep me going. Plus, she comes to every now and then. She’s okay.”

All I could do was nod as I followed him to the cafeteria. Coffee would do me good, too. I needed to get my head in the game. I was here to support Branson, not the other way around. The way he kept staring at me like a mother hen was what had kept me away before. The reality was something I hated to face.

“How are you, man? It’s been a few weeks.”

My hands cupped the Styrofoam and I kept my head down, refusing to meet his stare. “I’m fine. A little stressed, but okay. I’m thinking about taking a vacation.”

“You just got back from France a few months ago. Remember?”

I wanted to groan. More whoring around on my part. Most of which I couldn’t remember because of all the booze. “Yeah.” I shook my head and laughed. “That’s right, I guess I did forget.”

“Dev.” The seriousness that laced his tone had me looking up. “What’s really going on?”

A small laugh fell from my lips and I slapped his shoulder. “Nothing new. Let’s hurry up and go check on Jill. I don’t want her to wake up and you be gone.”

Worry lines etched his brow, but he nodded and we both finished our coffee in silence. All the while, I didn’t have to think to know the answer. It plagued my every waking thoughts and led me right back to the point that was destroying me. Her. Victoria.

The elevator ride up took us to labor and delivery. More pregnant couples. More of that weird tugging at the core of who I was. My feet got heavier as we moved down the hall and I found myself stopping as we passed the nursery. So many babies. But these were tiny. Absolutely… My hand clenched at my side as my heart melted.

“Hopefully a few more weeks and we’ll be looking in on Charity.” Branson reached up, placing his hands on the edge just outside of the window. “You ever think about becoming a father, Devlin? Settling down and finding someone?”

If he only knew. “Lately, I guess.”

“You should,” he said, looking over. “I think it would do you good. You know...” A smile stretched across his face. “The paper has a Bachelor’s edition coming up. We could put you in. Maybe you’ll find someone.”

I couldn’t stop the laugh that exploded from my mouth. “I don’t think so.”

“Come on. What could it hurt? You’d have your pick of women not only from the area, but around the world. Word will travel and maybe your one will appear.”

My attention went back to the babies. I could be a good father. I knew it my bones. Once upon a time, I was a hell of a man. Now, I was as broken as the women I’d spent years in the past, healing. How had I lost that? Even the dominant in me had disappeared. My rules were nonexistent, even to myself. “Let me think about it. I have a lot of…shit I have to get together.” Like myself. Mentally. I was a God damn train wreck.

“Do that. Then come talk to me.” He gestured with his head and I followed him toward the double doors that blocked off the maternity ward. My pulse was racing and I couldn’t stop it no matter how hard I tried. Is this what I wanted? A wife, kids? A real home? Happiness for not only me, but to be able to supply it to someone else? I didn’t even have to think about it. The answer was as clear as day. It was time to man-up.

Chapter 2

Victoria

“Just one date. You never have to talk to me again if I’m wrong.”

I laughed, shaking my head. “I told you, I’m not ready to meet a guy. I have so much going on already. Dating just doesn’t fit into my schedule right now.”

Lorraine snorted, rolling her eyes. “That’s such bull. You have no time because you don’t allow it. You’re always here. By choice!” she exclaimed. “I know, I make the schedules, or did you forget that little part?”

“Hey,” I rushed in. “Someone has to hold down the fort. I do that. Alone. By choice. Now, enough. Tell Daniel or whatever his name is that I’m flattered, but I’m busy. Maybe in a few months.”

The glasses slid down her nose as her eyes expressed everything I knew she wanted to say. She stuck with one of her favorite words when I wasn’t complying with what she wanted. “Right.”

The sarcastic tone was one I knew well. I breathed out heavily, knowing this was far from over. She pushed from the side of the elevator and beat me to the door as it opened. “It’s been years. I think it’s time you got out and—”

“No,” I cut her off, not wanting to go there. “When I’m ready, you’ll know. I’m not. I’m sorry, but I just can’t.”

This was not how I had wanted my lunch break to play out. If the nagging wasn’t enough, I’d already spilled coffee on my scrub top, stepped in a puddle trying to make my way across the street, and almost got hit by a cyclist hauling ass around the corner. I was ready to call it a day, damp sock and all. Seven hours to go until my shift was at an end and I couldn’t wait to just go home and relax.

“Holy…” Lorraine abruptly stopped, causing me to step on the back of her shoe and plow right into the back of her. “Is that…” She didn’t elaborate as I looked over to the tall man staring through the nursery windows. I knew that build, that handsome profile. Though, I could never remember seeing him appear so solemn. It wasn’t like I ran into Devlin often. A few times here and there, but he never saw me. Our night together had changed me forever. I had ran, like I always do. My actions haunted me to this day. But not just from the fact that after I’d been brought to the four most mind-blowing orgasms of my life, I pulled his safeword and hauled ass. No…there was so much more that happened between us that night that I couldn’t face. Not now, and sure as hell not then.

“Let’s go,” I whispered, heading to the door and pressing the code. I was shaking so badly by the time I made it to the back, I was sure I’d collapse at the adrenaline rush I’d been hit with.

Tapping had me looking over my shoulder. Lorraine was leaned against the door frame, her foot making a slow and steady rhythm against the floor. “You should go talk to him.”

“No. I called, remember. He never returned it. Let it rest. I have.”

“Oh, honey. You waited weeks.” She walked over, turning me to face her. For going on sixty, you’d never know it. Until she pulled the mother card.

Warmth encircled me as she pulled me into her arms, making me feel every inch of my five foot, two inch height. She was closer to six foot and didn’t mind using her build to show who the boss was when it came to irritated patients or staff. “Someday, you’ll see I was right. I always am, you know.” She laughed and I joined her, trying to hold in the tears.

“I know you are. Just, not yet, okay?”

She nodded. “Come on, let’s go relieve the girls.”

I followed, not at all ready to face the man on the other side of the glass. As I walked past the opening that gave view, relief and a smidgen of disappointment hit hard. He was gone. No doubt, back to his life of luxury and beautiful women. What had even brought him here at all left me puzzled, but I pushed it away. Just like the time I almost approached him at a café only to see a leggy brunette walk over and wrap her arms around him. We’d been so close. Just five feet away when I turned and walked out. I had blocked that out, too. Until now.

The wounds reopened and I felt it in every inch of my body. It’d take a few more weeks to dull the pain, but each time grew easier. Lighter. Or, so I told myself.

“Lunch time, girls.” Lorraine’s voice carried over strongly, but the tone was one we’d all grown to love. Well, most of us. Definitely not all. Rita finished changing the diaper on one of the infants and didn’t say a word as she strode past. The history between those two was rocky. Rita had been here almost just as long as Lorraine and didn’t mind letting everyone know she should have been the one in charge. The drama was something I kept far away from. I liked both women, but I had a soft spot for Lorraine. She was the only one I included in my personal life. All of it. Others knew a lot about me, but not my secrets. My boss, who was also my best friend, was the only one I trusted with that.

As I began making rounds, I stopped at Baby Thompson. A smile came to my face while I peeked in. His bright blue eyes stared up and he went back to looking around. He was one of the most content babies I’d come across in my five years here. I washed my hands before walking back over and stroking my finger down his cheek.

“Your parents are so lucky. They’re in for a surprise with you.”

His face turned in the direction of my touch and his mouth opened while he began shaking his head back and forth.

“Are you hungry? I can help you with that.” I reached down, grabbing one of the sample bottles he was meant to be fed with. As I opened the package for the sterilized nipple and twisted it together, I glanced up toward the windows, the edge of nervousness still there. An older couple walked by, probably the parents of one of the patients, but I couldn’t stop the fear. Would he be back? Was he just visiting someone and stopped to glance in on his way out?

My lips pressed together, trying to force the questions away. Devlin needed to disappear from my mind again. I’d been doing so well.

“Come here, sweetie.” I lifted the swaddled baby and held him close as I began the feeding. Lorraine walked in, a smile coming to her face. She stopped at Baby Pena, picking up the little girl who was beginning to become fussy. “I know you’re going to get upset, but it appears you’re already there, so I’m just going to say it. I really think you should go out with Daniel. One night. That’s it.”

“You don’t give up,” I laughed, shaking my head. “The last time I took your advice and went on a date with someone you set up, we both know what happened.”

“But this guy is a lawyer, Victoria. The good kind. He’s a few months divorced and is heartbroken over the fact. Wife just ran off and left him for another man. It’ll be good for you both. He has two little boys. He’s a single father. Sweet as can be. You’d love him.”

“You’re guilting me.”

She smiled, batting her eyelashes. “Is it working?”

I hated that it was, but I couldn’t deny that I wasn’t intrigued. He sounded like a good guy. Not one that was going to cuff me to his bed and do deliciously wicked things to my body to the point where I’d be screaming his name and begging him to fuck me.

“Fine. One date. And don’t even tell him it’s a date. More like an introduction to being friends. That’s all. Maybe a movie or dinner at a diner or something. No expensive restaurants or walks on the beach. Got it?”

“I’ll tell him tonight at the club.”

My eyebrows drew in. “What kind of club? You haven’t mentioned one of those to me.”

She shrugged. “The country club. He and Martin play golf together on occasion. Daniel takes the boys to the restaurant for dinner most nights. Anyway, we’re all meeting there tonight. You should come.”

“No,” I said, drawing out the word. “That’s way too soon. Plus, we’re talking kids. He and I need to meet before we’re all thrown together.” I glanced down, pulling the bottle out and checking to see how much he’d consumed. “Good job. William, isn’t it?” I put a spare blanket over my shoulder as I brought him up and patted his back.

“Don’t you want to know what he looks like?”

I glanced over at Lorraine. “Doesn’t matter to me.” And it didn’t. Looks were nice and a bonus, but what I wanted was depth. If the man was good looking but lacked conversation, what did I have? Nothing.

“I’ll tell you anyway,” she continued. “Think tall, good looking, dark hair—” She stopped at my raised eyebrow. “Okay, he doesn’t look like who you’re thinking about, but he’s just as attractive in his own way. A bit on the leaner side. He runs every evening. And he’s always biking around the neighborhood with his boys.”

Okay, he sounded like father of the year. I was more than intrigued…and yet, crushed. “Fine. I’m off on Friday. Why don’t you see if he’s available?”

“Friday sounds perfect.”

The glow on her face stayed for the remainder of our time together in the front. But there were other duties to tend to and the more the hours played out, the busier we became. My mind kept going back to Devlin. To our almost nonexistent past together. One that had totally altered my life and I was sure he didn’t even remember.

Flashes blinded me as I stared at the computer screen, my body flaring to life just as much as it did that night…

Whack!

Stinging slapped against my skin for what had to have been the twentieth time that night. Except, it seared my inner thigh, making me cry out and moan at the same time.

“You like this.” He traced a path up to my pussy, tapping over my clit with the flat end of the crop. Something he’d done repeatedly while teasing me.

“Yes, Sir,” I breathed out, remembering how he’d ordered me to address him. Forgetting came with consequences. Ones that had gotten me to the point I was at now. And I loved every single one of them.

“You’re so wet, kitten. You don’t know how much that turns me on,” he said, sliding his finger deep inside of my pussy again. The brush of his thumb over my clit had me pulling at the cuffs that restrained my wrists. My hips rotated and I pushed down, trying to get him deeper.

Whack!

Stinging slapped against my stomach and I almost didn’t stop moving. He’d gotten me so close, numerous times. I couldn’t take much more.

“Uh-uh, what did I say?”

“To be still.” I managed to get the response out as he built me up higher, pushing against my g-spot.

The crop fell to the bed as he reached over with his free hand and spread my legs wider. “I’m going to fuck you so good. Then, I’m going to do it again. You’re going to remember this night, Victoria. There’s only going to be one person you come to when you crave to be touched. Tell me who that is.”

My mind fought with his words, but I knew what he spoke had truth etched within. Lovers didn’t compare to him and I doubted anyone ever would. But to experience this after tonight? That couldn’t happen. I almost hadn’t left with him to begin with. Damn those martinis. He was corrupting my lust, bending it to his will with every stroke of his finger.

“Say it, kitten.” He added another and I bit my bottom lip. My orgasm was right where he wanted it. The control belonged solely to him.

“You, Sir. God, you.”

“My name, say it. Scream it.”

And I did while shattering to a million pieces. My release made my body spasm and I could feel my pussy clench around his fingers with each wave that shook me.

“I like you, Victoria. A lot. I want to keep seeing you.” He grabbed a condom from his nightstand, sliding it onto his thick length as he positioned himself between my legs. I remained quiet. I knew I wouldn’t talk to him again once I left. Wouldn’t have even attempted to if—

“You know your shift ended fifteen minutes ago, right?”

I jerked my eyes up, only to look back down at my watch. “Shit. Thanks, Nell.” I headed for the back and grabbed my purse. My day was only truly beginning and there wasn’t much left of it. Every minute counted and I couldn’t waste a single one.

Chapter 3

Devlin

Dear Ladies,

I’m the man of your dreams and I can prove it. All shapes and sizes are welcome. I’m ready to settle down and start a family. Must be open to a long term relationship. The true kind. One that will last forever (contract required and only voided by me). I’ll show you how a woman is really supposed to be treated. Submissive preferred, but not required. Will train. It’s time to Dom up.

Sincerely, Devlin Black

“That, my friend, is front page goodness. All we’ll need to do is get your photo taken care of and you’ll be gracing the cover of the Bachelor Edition. Every woman in California is going to be going crazy over you.

“That’s not what I want,” I stressed to Branson. “The only reason I decided to do this is…” I paused. “I want the real thing. What you and Jill have.”

He glanced up from his desk. “You’ll find it. Not if you continue doing what you doing, though. That’s for damn sure. You looked like shit when you came to the hospital. You’ve cleaned up nicely, though. I’m glad you’re starting to see the light.”

Boy, was I. Three weeks without liquor, sex, or even trusting myself around female company. I was stretched to the max. Any wrong move and I was afraid I’d burst. The road I’d traveled hadn’t been easy, but I was getting through it one day at a time. And finding the old me. That was the most important part. Not to just prove to that person I looked up to, I wanted to be the best version of me. It was probably the reason I’d been killing myself with nutrition and fitness and sticking with it. Determination was a must. I wasn’t weak. Never had been. Somewhere, I’d just taken a nose dive in decency. A lesson I’d learned and was ready to make up for.

“Hey, maybe your mystery girl will respond.”

I laughed as I looked across the desk at Branson, who was peering up from my ad. The shit eating grin on his face was one I knew well. He’d teased me over my search now for years. Two, to be exact. “Don’t count on it. If she wanted to get ahold of me, she knows where I live.”

“But you searched everywhere. Hell, you even had me doing all sorts of research for a Victoria in the corporate world. I’m still hung up on that. I’m better than a damn detective and I couldn’t even find her. Are you sure her name was even Victoria?”

“Yes, I’m positive. I saw it on her card when she insisted she pay half of the dinner bill. I just couldn’t make out the last name. Anyway, I wouldn’t let her pay and now there’s no paper trail.”

Branson sat up straighter, resting on his elbows as he brought his hands up to clasp in front of his mouth. “And she didn’t mention the name of a company or what she did? Just corporate?”

I didn’t want to think about this. It was over. Regardless of the amazing, mind-blowing night we had, it had been ruined by fate. She’d called the safeword as soon as my questions began. She had left my penthouse to never return or call. Even though I had made her promise she would.

“I assumed she worked in the business world. She didn’t correct me.”

“But that doesn’t mean she does. What gave you that impression anyway?”

“Hell, I don’t know. It was the vibe I got. She was so anxious and I could tell her mind was going. She agreed it was about work. Why hadn’t I thought about expanding the search back then? Why was Branson making me think outside the box now? I shut those thoughts down. Too late.

Branson groaned and stood, turning his back to stare out of the room-length windows. “She could do anything. Be anywhere.”

I stood, ready to end the conversation and get back to my routine. “Let’s drop it. She disappeared. If she wanted to have anything to do with me, she would have called like I told her to. It’s not a big deal.” But it was. Victoria had become my obsession. I’d latched on to the thought of her like a dying man, searching for a cure for cancer. I couldn’t explain it, but her absence had killed me in a different way.

Branson turned, crossing his arms over his chest. “You so sure about that? I’ve been your best friend since we were kids. You went apeshit crazy when you couldn’t find her. Not once, not even with Rhayne, did you have that much emotion toward a female. This woman got to you. I happen to think that’s worth banking on.”

“Me,” I stressed. “She affected me. I didn’t have the same effect on her. Now let’s forget about it.” I walked over, leaning in to give him a quick hug. “I’m out. Tell Jill I said hello. Call me if the contractions start again. I’ll meet you at the hospital.”

“Thanks,” he said, returning the gesture. “Let’s pray the bed rest keeps them at bay for another few weeks.”

“Will do. Take care.” I headed for the door, messing with the music player on my phone. I’d run the four miles it took to get here and I had every intention of running the distance back home. Then, it was time to hit the gym. Dinner would be alone and I’d call it an early night once again.

My phone rang in my hand displaying Gabrielle’s number. We’d met at a BDSM club I frequented on occasion. Mainly when I needed my fix. I’d seen her off and on for the last few months, but I knew it wasn’t going anywhere. I took a deep breath before answering.

“Hey, Gabrielle.”

“Wow,” she laughed. “What happened to, pet?” There was a sadness to her tone and I knew her pout all too well.

“I’m sorry.” I pushed the button to the elevator. “We need to talk.”

“Talk?” She paused. “We agreed what we shared wasn’t serious. Is this where it ends?”

The door opened and I stepped in, hitting the lobby. My stomach dropped to match the descent of the elevator car, but I knew what I was doing was right. “I’m afraid so. You’re going to find out why soon enough so I might as well just tell you now. I’m…looking to settle down.”

“As in, marriage?” The shock was evident, but for no one more than me. What an impact that word had. Tightening around my throat had me swallowing.

“Yes, if I find the right person. I just can’t do the casual stuff anymore. I need something stronger. Something more meaningful than a one night stand or fling.”

“Well, good for you. It takes a lot for a man to step up. You’re doing that and I’m proud of you. We’ll still be friends, right?”

I paused. “Maybe, but I can’t promise anything, Gabrielle. You understand, don’t you?”

She laughed. “Of course. Good luck finding your subby, Sir.”

“Thanks, hun. And you, with whatever route you decide on.” She didn’t have to tell me. I knew her need to be free. She hadn’t reached the point I was at yet, but she would in time. And when she did, I knew she’d please her Master.

“She’ll be a lucky woman. Goodbye, Devlin.”

“Bye.” I smiled as I left the elevator. That phone call might have gone well, but I expected a lot more to come and I was likely to get more angry rants than pleasant well wishes. That, I wasn’t looking forward to.

The sun beat down on me as I hit the play button and stuck in the ear buds. The lyrics to a Coldplay song began and I lost myself as people blurred past me. Miles disappeared and I kept running until sweat was completely soaking my clothes and air was hard to breathe in. I looked around the park, soaking in everyone who was either jogging with their dogs or playing with their children. The heat that had enflamed my lungs made its way across my chest to encase my heart. Loneliness was something I had been trying to escape for a long time. It kept me running from one woman to the next. Now, it’d be my companion until I found the right one for me, and it was a bitch of a passenger.

“Mr. Black?”

The call had come at the perfect time between songs. I turned, spying Teddy Mills, a broker who worked for me. He was still in his suit, although his jacket was draped over a bench next to the playground. I took out the earbuds.

“Teddy.” I smiled, walking over and shaking his hand. “You here with your kids?” I sure as hell hoped so. As sad as it was, I had no clue if he was even married, more or less a father. That was something else I was going to have to fix within myself. The need to know the people who worked for me was really starting to eat away my conscious.

“Yeah, my son.” He pointed to an older boy who looked closer to the age of ten. “That’s Jackson. I’ve got him for the weekend.”

“Oh.” I nodded, frowning. Divorced. Something I was going to make sure never happened. Hence, the contract only voided by me. And I wouldn’t give up if I found the right woman. I’d put every ounce of love into her that I could manage. She’d know what it meant to be mine.

“You should meet him. Here.” Teddy called out and I found myself walking over with him closer to the playground. A grin came to the boy’s face as he bounced over.

“Jackson, this is Mr. Black, my boss. Can you tell him hi?”

Two front teeth were missing, making me reassess the boy’s age. Seven? Jeez, I was horrible at this kid thing. My nights had been free, to say the least, it was time I got some studying in. The internet had to be crawling with information about children. I smiled. And babies. “Nice to meet you, Jackson. So, what are your plans for the weekend?”

He looked up at his father and then at me. “We’re going to the zoo when dad gets off of work tomorrow. Aren’t we, dad?”

“We sure are.” Teddy smiled and mine fell.

“Nonsense. You can go at any time. Your dad’s got the weekend off. Say, do you like basketball, Jackson?”

His eyes lit up as his attention went back and forth.

“I love it!”

I crouched, tilting my head, feeling myself getting excited at his enthusiasm. “Excellent. I have seats that sit right on the court. Your dad can take you to that, too.”

“Oh, Mr. Black.” Teddy’s head shook, but stopped at my look.

“I insist. Make this the best weekend of your son’s life. On me. I’ll call Tiffany and let her know. Whatever you and Jackson want.” I turned back to the boy. “You hear that. Whatever you want, buddy.” I stood, a grin coming to my face.

“Thank you,” Teddy said, grinning. “I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it.”

“You bet. Now you both have fun. I’m off to get dinner.”

I waved as I put in the earbuds and began jogging again. This life was better than the destructive one I had been on. Here, I could make a difference. And I planned to do that in every way I could.

Hedges lined the path and I broke past them, turning onto the street that held my favorite café. Weight crashed into me and I reached out to catch the woman whose legs were now between my own. The parted full lips. Those large, light green eyes. My pulse stopped for the briefest moment as our stares locked. I held her cradled in my arm as I ripped the ear buds out. Time was nonexistent, pulling me deep into some abyss of nothing but the flow of her dark hair and pale skin. I could still see her sprawled across my bed, moaning through the pleasure and pain I’d inflicted.

“Victoria.” A man reached for her and I looked over, barely noticing him.

“I’m sorry. I…” Lifting her back to her feet only made me want to draw her in closer. How long had I kept my search going? Weeks? Months? Still?

“Are you okay?” Again, his hand came out, but I still didn’t drop mine.

She seemed to gather her wits and stepped back, breaking our connection. Her hand went to apply pressure to her stomach as she moved in closer to him. “I’m fine,” she laughed, breathlessly. Obviously not going to acknowledge that she knew me. Damn, that hurt. “We should go.”

“Wait.” Something kept me going back. How could I not take advantage with her so close? “Are you sure you’re okay? I hit you pretty hard. Let me get your name. I’ll make it up to you.”

Confusion flickered over her face. “No, I’m okay, really. Thank you, though.”

The man wearing the suit placed his hand to the middle of her back as he led her to the same café I had been headed to. No ring. I dropped back, following, not willing to let her out of my sight. If I could just get her name. Then, what? Fuck, I was a glutton for punishment. Why couldn’t I face facts that she wasn’t interested? This had to stop.

I forced myself past the door, watching as they were seated right next to the glass. Her eyes lifted to mine and I could have sworn there was something there. Pain? Surely not. She knew where I was if she was interested. But what if she truly was, just too afraid to show it? The question turned a switch inside of me. I’d spent my life going with my gut when it came to something I felt strongly about. But what if I was wrong? What did I do then? Leave her alone? Pursue her anyway? What would the new Devlin Black do?

Chapter 4

Victoria

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Daniel leaned across the table, pulling a small leaf from the bottom of my hair. I quickly found myself trying to remove any evidence that might remain of my encounter with the one person I couldn’t seem to stop crossing paths with.

“I’m fine. Really. He caught me before I hit the ground.” God, I could still feel the power behind the arm that so easily held me. I knew what it could wield. Pleasure. Pain. Fucking ecstasy on the highest scale. My body had sure recognized who owned it, even with as shocked as I had been. Fearful even, I’d come alive in his presence. Just like before.

Movement caught my eye and I glanced over, only to do a double take as Devlin’s narrowed gaze stayed on me while he walked toward the entrance.

“I’m glad you decided on the second date. After the first, I wasn’t sure you’d want to see me again. We had a rough start.”

It was almost impossible to break my stare. I wanted to correct him and tell him this wasn’t a date, but who was I kidding? That’s exactly what this was. “You didn’t mean to spill the drink on me. It was a complete accident. I knew that. I decided to meet you here because I wanted to.”

“Well, thank you. I really enjoy your company.” He paused as the waitress came up to take our drinks. “Water for me,” he glanced over, “and tea, if I remember correctly from the last time?”

“Actually, I think I’ll take water too.” My eyes came up to see Devlin seated in the booth behind Daniel. Yet, he faced me. I shifted uncomfortably and focused on my date. The waitress was gone and Daniel was already looking at the menu. I followed suit, refusing to show interest in the person staring at me. He had come back for a reason. There was no way I could let him think I was interested.

Daniel looked up. “Have you eaten here before? I have no idea what’s good.”

Compared to country club food, I doubted anything would really compare. I opened my mouth when Devlin cut me off.

“BLT is good. So is the turkey and Swiss if you like sandwiches.”

Daniel looked back, his eyes narrowing as he glanced between us. “Thanks for that.” He turned back to me, “I guess now we know.” The smile Daniel gave was fake. I noticed that from here. Could he tell we knew each other? By the expressions playing on his face as he looked back down at the menu, I wasn’t sure.

“You might want to try the ribeye, although I don’t think it compares to the Italian place down the street.”

Heat crawled up chest, toward my face. Devlin just had to bring up what we ate that night. Of course, I had to give him credit for even remembering. I didn’t think I’d even register in his thoughts again.

“Chicken,” I said, to Daniel, smiling. “I’ll have the baked chicken.”

Devlin’s mouth twisted and he leaned back, crossing his arms over his chest.

“I think I’ll have the same. Thanks,” he said, peering over his shoulder. “We’ve got it now.”

“Any time,” Devlin said, dropping his voice.

I reached over, grabbing the water from the waitress. Damn if I didn’t need something stronger. Like Vodka. Straight from the bottle.

“Lorraine tells me the hospital has a Halloween party coming up. Have you decided what you’re going to be?”

Devlin leaned forward from my peripheral vision and I could have cursed. Why did he have to be listening in on our conversation? “Actually, I’m not sure I’m going to go.”

“Pity, she’s so excited. She and Martin are going as Dorothy and Toto. It’ll be quite the sight.”

I laughed, imagining it. “They came as Raggedy Ann and Andy last year. It was very cute.”

“I saw that when we stopped by their house. The boys loved it. They always have the best candy. Their house is usually one of our first stops.”

“Did they go through the haunted house?” I leaned closer, enjoying our conversation.

“No,” he laughed. “Carter doesn’t do scary and Peyton never leaves his side. He’s a good big brother.”

“It really sounds like it.”

A throat clearing pulled me out of the moment and I looked over at Devlin who had his arms on the table as he stared down. Every ounce of happiness washed away in that moment. My pain renewed and buzzed in my brain like hornets on the attack. I didn’t get the chance to speak before Daniel’s phone rang.

“I’m sorry. It’s the babysitter. Will you excuse me for a moment? It shouldn’t take long.”

“No, go ahead. I have to go to the ladies room anyway.” I stood before him. The need to run was back and it left my fists clenching. The walk across the diner couldn’t go by fast enough. I broke through the door into the empty space, fighting to get a grip on myself. The door opened not seconds later and I spun around, not able to lock it before Devlin’s large frame pushed in. At the turn of the dead bolt, I stepped back.

Trapped. Fuck.

“You never called me,” he said, his voice ringing out with disappointment.

I stepped to the left, then the right. There was nowhere to go. “I did call,” I whispered. “A couple of times, actually.”

His eyes flickered. “You called my penthouse?”

“No.” I hesitated, searching for what I should say. “I called Coast South Properties. Your secretary took my messages. Katrina, I believe her name was.”

His eyes closed for a few seconds, only to open with a look of pure rage masking them. “I apologize. She no longer works there. I never received them. Victoria.” He came forward and I immediately stepped back.

“It doesn’t matter anyway,” I rushed in. “I’m sure it was for the best. You seem happy and well, and so am I. So, there. It worked out just…fine.”

“You don’t mean that. We had an amazing night together. We talked for hours before we even went back to my place. I thought we clicked.” Another step closer. “I looked for you for weeks. Shit, months. You work at a hospital? Why didn’t you tell me?”

If he got any closer, I was going to break completely. “Because it didn’t matter. Devlin, I’m sorry. Yes, we got along well, but things just wouldn’t have worked. You’re very—”

“Selfish? Arrogant? An asshole? God, I know what I was. Let me show you the real me. Kitten, come here.”

The pet name had my eyes growing heavy. I shifted against the wetness that took over.

“You want me. I can see it.” He reached forward, pulling me into his body. My hands instantly went up to push against his chest, but it didn’t stop his mouth from crushing into mine. Sweetness from his soda swept over my tongue and I felt my nails sink into his pecs. Fuck, they were so muscled. I could still see the tattoo on his chest. The coat of arms. Those wings. The blood splattered behind it.

The wall was suddenly at my back. Hard. Cold. My eyes flew open, but at his palms sliding under my dress and up my thighs, my breath caught. I was pulled up to his waist and pushed harder into the tile. That cock, that orgasm producing machine, rubbed against my pussy, tearing a moan from some buried place inside of me.

“Wait,” I breathed out. God, what was I doing? “I said, stop.” I wiggled, only intensifying the pleasure.

“That’s not the safeword, kitten.”

I shouldn’t have remembered. I didn’t want to, but his name made it impossible. “Black,” I gritted out. “Black, black, black.”

“God dammit.” He lowered me and stepped back. “I’m sorry. This is wrong. Fuck,” he growled under his breath. “I wasn’t going to do this anymore. But it’s you. I just—” He stopped talking, wiping his hand down his face. “I want to see you again. Please say you’ll have a late dinner with me tonight. No.” He shook his head. “Breakfast. No sex. I’m not doing that anymore. Let me get to know you. The real you.”

I stepped to the side, trying to get around him and closer to the door. “I’m sorry, Devlin. If you didn’t notice, I came here on a date. You’re right, this is wrong. We’re just not going to work.”

“I think you’re wrong. He mentioned a babysitter. He has kids?”

“Yes,” I said lowly. “Two boys.”

“See. I love that about you already. Do you like him? Like, as in, you’d want to marry him someday?” Before I could answer, he held up his hand. “Just hear me out. If you can’t see yourself marrying him, don’t lead him on. Start something with me.” Realization of something flashed over his face. “Shit.”

If I could just get around him, I could turn the lock and slip through. “I have to go.”

“Wait.” He leaned against my escape, his eyes moving to the side as he continued to think about something. “I want to settle down. You’re probably going to hear that soon. If you would just agree to spend time with me, I’ll make a call right now and pull the plug.”

Nothing he was saying made sense. “It won’t work between us,” I stressed. “I have to go.”

“Last question.” His eyes stopped on mine. “You said you called.”

Panic flared and I fought not to push him out of the way.

“When you left, I got the impression you weren’t going to call me. But you did. Is there a reason behind that?”

I knew what he was implying. My mouth opened and the sound that came out wasn’t an answer. More like a small cry.

“Victoria?” He pushed from the wall, the curiosity turning into something that made his features hard. “I asked you a question. The condom broke. You were supposed to call me if anything came out of it. Yes, I wanted to continue to see you, but the dates were just a plus. You made it clear then that you pretty much weren’t interested in being in a relationship. But you promised to keep me in the loop concerning our situation.”

Nausea left me gripping the sink. “I tried to call.” The way my tone grew in pitch toward the end had me slowing my words. Flashes of Ava sent an unexplainable calm over me. We’d done fine without Devlin so far. I needed to think of her, above everyone. I’d seen the man who fathered my daughter on more than one occasion in less than flattering conditions. I couldn’t expose her to all those women. To…strangers, including him.

“I called to tell you that I wasn’t pregnant. Now, if you’ll excuse me.” Inner strength had me stepping forward and unlocking the door. I didn’t look back as I headed for the table. Daniel stood, smiling. It fell as he looked behind me. I turned, watching Devlin head to the cashier. He didn’t look over, but the sadness on his face that I’d glimpsed before was back. I turned to Daniel.

“I owe you an apology and the truth. That man,” I said, grabbing my wallet from my purse, “we have a past. Nothing is between us anymore and I made that clear to him just now, but you have the right to know. I’m sorry. You’re a great guy, but I don’t think I can date you anymore. Or anyone, really. I made a mistake. I’m just not ready.”

A five was the first bill I saw and I grabbed it, placing it on the table to cover the cost of my drink. “Friends, I can do. But that’s all I can manage.” A grin tried to come to my face at his understanding nod, and I didn’t wait. I walked to the door, pushing through.

Devlin Black had ruined me, just like he said he would. But I couldn’t help but think my lie held more ammunition than my pain. If my luck was good for anything, it would damn well detonate in my face. I’d have to tell him, but not yet. Not until I was sure he spoke the truth about changing. Only then would I expose my daughter to the man who’d given her life. Not a moment before.

Chapter 5

Devlin

“What’s your favorite color?”

Victoria’s laugh had me smiling. Something rare from what I had usually experienced on dates. She was exquisite. Gorgeous, once she had finally loosened up. I stared across the table, mesmerized for the first time in my life. We’d gone over every question I could think of. The food was long gone. She’d drunk more than I assumed she was used to¸ but was far from intoxicated. And I couldn’t get enough of watching her reactions to my quizzing.

“Red. Although, I do like pink. Should I ask your favorite color, or do I assume it’s black like I think?”

“You’re right. How did you know?”

She shrugged. “Lucky guess.”

“What about your favorite movie?”

Those perfect white teeth bit against her full bottom lip for a fraction of a second before she twisted her mouth. “That’s a hard one. I’m more of a romantic, so I’m going to have to say Sleepless in Seattle.”

“No,” I groaned, laughing. “A romantic? You need to be an action or comedy person. Your winning answer would have been The Karate Kid. I would have given you the world had you said that as your answer.

“A good movie, but not my favorite. Besides, I have the world already. It is what you make of it. Right?”

“Excellent answer,” I said, sobering. The chemistry I felt with her left my stomach fluttering. “I think we should go. There’s something I want to show you.” I stood, holding my hand out to her, praying she would take it.

“Is this the…”she swallowed hard.

“Pain and pleasure part?” The side of my mouth pulled back into a half smile. “You’ll love it. I promise. Let me show you what it is to submit completely. You’ll never want to go back to what you know after tonight.”

She looked skeptical as her eyes narrowed briefly. “What if you’re wrong?”

“Then you’ll return tomorrow night and every one after until I’ve convinced you. But I really don’t think it’ll take more than one. You’ll be ruined, kitten, I promise.”

“Fuck.” I flipped over on my bed trying to shut the memories off that had forced themselves into my dreams and now, my reality. What a fucking cocky bastard I had been. I was so sure and yet, I had been wrong. She may have enjoyed herself that night, but my plan to win her over with my skills hadn’t worked and I was stupid to think they would have. She was different. I couldn’t charm her. Not the way I could with the others.

“If I go, it ends there. There will be no tomorrow, no matter the outcome.”

My hand didn’t move. I refused to believe her words. After all, I’d heard it before and they always called for more. “Come.” And she had. She had ridden with me in my car back to my penthouse and barely got through the threshold. Had it not been for me ordering her, she probably would have ran then.

“To submit, fully, you’ll have to obey everything I say. No questions. No hesitation. Let your mind go and feel.”

I knew she was nervous. Could feel her energy thick around me. It fed the dominant part that lived within. I craved to take that fear she held and make it disappear.

“Before we start, let’s go over the rules. When you address me, you’ll refer to me as Sir. Not Devlin or Dev. Just Sir. Do you understand?”

“Yes.”

My eyebrow rose. “That’s one, kitten.”

Her eyes snapped up, but didn’t connect with mine. “I meant, yes, Sir.”

“Too bad. That’s one. Second, if you feel it’s too much or you want to stop, there’s a safeword. It’s black. It shouldn’t be too hard to remember. It’s my last name. Now, repeat it so I know you understand.”

“Black…Sir.”

I smiled. “Good girl. Now turn around so I can unzip your dress.”

“But—”

“What did I say?” I spun her around, placed her long hair over her shoulder, and unzipped the dress. “That’s two. When I give you an order, you do it.” My hands slipped inside, slowly tracing up her sides until I reached her shoulder blades. With a push, the dress fell from her arms and pooled around her feet.

“Shit,” I whispered, taking in the white panties, bra, garter, and stockings. Black, I had seen on too many women to count. White, it was as pure as she was. I latched onto the vision with every bit of darkness I held. I wanted to taint her. Turn her as dark as me. Have her bask in all the things deemed wrong in the eyes of society. It was no secret who I was. Having money made me a target, but never once did I sneak into the BDSM clubs to mask my involvement. I showed up proudly, taking honor in the path I’d chosen. But she didn’t know that person. Didn’t even have a clue who Devlin Black was. I loved that about her, too.

“Turn around and let me see you.”

Her head was lowered as she came to face me. The way her arms instantly hugged to her curvy hips had me shaking my head. Although her expression looked pained, she broke the hold and lowered her hands to her sides.

“You’re beautiful. More than you know.” My palm slid to the back of her neck and I drew her in closer. The first touch of our lips left me feeling lightheaded. I kept it soft, coaxing her mouth open to receive me. When she finally allowed my tongue entrance, I was a goner at the sweet taste. My hand flattened against her lower back and I brought her into me until she was molded against my suit.

She broke away, breathing hard, clutching to my jacket. “Devlin.” She stopped. “Sir.” The purr had me sweeping her into my arms. It wasn’t a mere correction on her behalf. She’d relished in the right term and spoken it with a seductive tone that begged for me to continue with whatever I wanted. And I had every intention to.

Another kiss that seemed to last forever, yet not nearly as long as I wanted, ended just at the bottom of my bed. My hand gripped into her generous ass as she clung around my neck. She was flushed in a beautiful pink from our kiss and it was something I’d never seen on a woman before.

I placed her down, the sound of her heels on the wooden floor mixing with our heavy breathing. “You’re going to kneel with your head lowered until I give you instructions on what I want you to do next.”

Her tongue flashed across her lips and I couldn’t wait to have my cock sliding against it.

“Yes, Sir,” she said, easing to her knees.

Even as I walked to my closet, I couldn’t take my eyes off her; the curve of her ass and arch of her back as she knelt and waited. I may have had one night stands before her, but I hadn’t taken a true sub since Rhayne. I wanted Victoria and I couldn’t even decipher why. It was emotion based. She just did it for me. She brought out the Dom I harbored deep within. The true self I kept under lock and key. It wasn’t like I couldn’t go through the role of what I enjoyed, but other women didn’t make me feel like she did. Powerful. Wanted…needed.

My fingers encircled over the handle of the crop and I walked back to her, studying everything that was before me. Her back stayed straight. She didn’t shift or move from being uncomfortable and her head never rose as I stood there.

“Hold up both of your hands, palm up.”

No questions. Obedience.

I laid the crop across the surface and started to undo my tie. Time stretched out as I took off the cuffs and eventually removed my shirt. Then, my shoes. When I got to my belt, not a single reaction. The edge of my lips pulled back as I jerked the leather free.

“You’re amazing, kitten. You sure you’ve never done this before?”

“I’m positive, Sir.”

I took the crop from her hands, placing it on the bed. “Stand and turn away from me.”

With the graceful way she rose, it didn’t look like she’d spent the last ten to fifteen minutes in one position without so much as easing the pressure from her knees. She turned, still keeping her head lowered. The rise and fall of her chest as I moved to the side had my own breath quickening.

“Hold your arms out behind you.”

I didn’t wait. I slid the belt around her biceps, restraining them together. It was tight enough to give off the secured feeling, but not enough to add discomfort. The first night would be an introduction. Over time, I could break her in to the more sadistic part of me.

“You’re doing great.” My fingers slid into the back of her hair, right at the nape of her neck and I used it to guide her to face me. My other hand rose and I used my index finger to bring her gaze up to mine. “Head up through this next phase. Stare straight ahead, but never directly at me. Understood?”

“Yes, Sir.”

Even as I had spoken, my touch was already traveling down the side of her neck. I didn’t stop as I swept down between her cleavage and over her stomach. In heels, her eyes were level with my upper chest. She kept that position and didn’t move while I breached the lining of her lace panties. The smoothness that met my fingertips had my cock jerking. It only got worse at the wetness I was greeted with. Fuck, I wanted her as badly as she obviously wanted me.

The slight trembling that shook her body increased while I massaged over the top of her slit. She moaned and her shoulders shifted as if she wanted to reach out to me.

“It’s about to get really intense. Prepare yourself, kitten.”

My grip went back to her hair and I pulled back hard while sliding my finger into her entrance. The cry that met me was one of pure bliss, but I didn’t get to enjoy it like I had expected. The tightness that hugged against me had my eyes widening. God, I could tell she wasn’t a virgin, but how long had it been?

“Victoria, when was the last time you had sex?” Maybe I worded it wrong or my tone was too filled with shock, but I felt her stiffen and I didn’t like how fast she was pulled from the moment.

“I…” She swallowed and tried to take a step back, but didn’t go anywhere with my hold still tilting her head. Her eyes were full of fear as she stared up at me. I’d never worried about breaking a sub. It usually didn’t take me long to discover how far they could go. But with her, I didn’t have a clue about her boundaries. Couldn’t gage how much she could take, physically or mentally.

“Shh. It doesn’t matter. I’m just looking out for you. You have the safeword if you need it. I’m trusting you to use it, like you’re trusting me to stop. Remember that.”

The tears that welled in her eyes slowly faded as I went back to rubbing against her folds. I felt her loosening under my tight grip, allowing herself to belong to me completely as I continued to pleasure her.

I opened my fist, only to close it even harder around her thick hair. The small whimpers drove me over the cliff of my control. My lips traveled over her exposed neck and I left her pussy, but stayed in her panties, as I reached around and clutched her ass, pulling her even more into me. My teeth grazed against her soft skin, picking up the scent from her soap. It muddled my senses, something that didn’t happen with any of the women I’d been with. I reached her shoulder and sunk my teeth in with just enough pressure to cause her to gasp.

“Tonight, I’m going to treat you like you’re mine. For keeps.”

As I lifted her feet from the ground and carried her to lie on the edge of the bed, I couldn’t stop myself from going back to taste her again. One of my main rules always revolved around excluding the intimate act. Fucking was just that, but a kiss was special. Something to savor and cherish.

“Sir,” she moaned against my lips. “Please.”

“God dammit!” The memories faded as I lifted my hand away from my hard cock and threw the covers back. Why did I have to run into her again? I’d done so well with moving on. Well, not really. I’d turned into a walking fucking drunk disaster, screwing every woman I chose. Which was too many to count. Why didn’t she want me? It couldn’t have been my looks. She had said I was beautiful. Odd choice of words to call a man in my opinion, but it told me she was at least attracted to my appearance. Was it the circumstances we found ourselves in? Going home together the first night? Later on, she’d said it had been a year and a half since she’d been with anyone. Maybe I’d ruined it by rushing her into my bed.

I stood and headed for the shower, trying to ignore how every nerve ending in my body was blazing and ready to go. The water shot out ice cold and I left it that way as I forced myself under the stream. My palms flattened against the marble in front of me and I closed my eyes as I lowered my head into the water.

“When I finish, you thank me and address me properly.” My hand reared back as I took in the sight before me. Victoria’s head lay on the mattress, her ass in the air. Her arms were still restrained against her back by my belt. Dark waves from her hair almost blended into the sapphire silk sheets and with the white stockings and stilettos…I couldn’t get over how beautiful she was.

Whack! The spanking hadn’t been gentle and it would only continue to get harder. Her face turned into the mattress and she sucked in air.

“One. Thank you, Sir.”

Whack!

“Two.” She hesitated. “Thank you, Sir.”

“Last one, kitten.” My hand traced over the welts already beginning to swell from the paddle. The pink glow was brightening by the second and it made my blood race.

Whack!

A small cry broke through and she sniffled. “Three. Thank you, Sir.”

As I turned her around and set her to the edge of the bed, I kneeled so we were facing each other. “Tell me why you got those spankings.”

Mascara ran down her cheeks at the tears and I placed my thumb over one, smearing the black into her pale skin. There it was…proof of the darkness that dwelled within me.

“I didn’t follow your instructions.” Her eyes rose to mine. “And because you like it…Sir.” The way a smile jerked against her lips had me mirroring the action.

“Yes, I do.” I spread more of the mascara on the other side. “I like this very much.”

“Me too,” she said, lowering her gaze.

I stepped back from the water, letting the memory of her vanish on that note. Victoria liked that aspect of my life. Was attracted to my looks. That left one thing. Who I was. Had she discovered all the women? If she researched my name or asked anyone…of course she had. I did this to myself. Made this mess that now surrounded my once good name. It was time I fixed it. Dommed up.

Chapter 6

Victoria

“You told him what!” Lorraine rushed to catch up as I rounded the corner to the hospital and headed for the entrance. “Have you lost your mind, Victoria? He’s going to find out and when he does,” her arm reached out, pulling me to a stop, “he’ll take her away from you. Mark my words, honey. Fix this mistake. Tell him about Ava. There’s still time to right this wrong.”

Words wouldn’t come as I let her warnings register. Just the thought that my daughter would be removed from my care made the nervousness a million times worse. “I will tell him. Just…not yet. He said he’s changed. I have to see it for myself. Besides, no judge would place a child with a man who can’t even take care of himself. I’ve seen him so drunk he couldn’t even stand, and that was only a few weeks ago. He blatantly makes out with women on the street and he’s probably drunk then too. Yes, when I saw him he looked sober, but I don’t trust that this change will stick.”

Her head shook disapprovingly. “Time is your worst enemy. The longer you keep her away, the worse things will be. I haven’t lived almost sixty years and learned nothing, honey. Trust me. Introduce them before he discovers what you’re hiding and the choice is taken from you.”

She had a point. If he discovered my secret on his own, things were bound to get bad. He had money. These days everything was for sale. Possibly judges. And if not, he sure as hell could afford the best lawyer in the country.

“Soon. I promise.”

“Good,” she breathed out, wrapping her arm around me and leading me to the entrance. My eyes blinked and I planted my feet, back tracking.

“What the…” I pulled the paper out of the stand, seeing Devlin’s face plastered on the front page. “Oh. My. God.” As I scanned down the ad, I felt the ground shift from beneath my feet. This was what he was referring to.

“Settling down?” Lorraine moved in closer, over my shoulder. “Perfect! This is great news. Here, call him.” My purse was pulled from my shoulder and I snatched it back.

“Absolutely not,” I snapped. “Is this a joke?” My head wouldn’t stop shaking back and forth as I stared down at the print. “Interviewing starts at three?” I read down more. “Oh, nice. Look,” I said sarcastically, pointing to the bottom. “A contract. So basically, you can’t divorce him when he starts cheating on you. How considerate of him.”

Lorraine pulled the paper from my grasp. “You’re taking this all wrong. It looks like he saw the error of his ways and now has decided to get his life together. You can’t fault him for that. Besides,” she said, glancing over. “This is in his favor. Think about it, Victoria. Proof he wants a family. He’s got one! He just doesn’t know it yet. Call him.”

I growled, heading to the cafeteria. To say I wasn’t jealous was a lie. After everything I’d seen, nothing hurt more than this. I was never able to imagine him wanting to play it straight. Not even when he tried to tell me. Now, so publicly seeking what I knew I could give him… Tears stung my eyes, but I refused to let them fall. He could play this game all he wanted. There was no way me or my daughter would be a part of it. Never. Devlin Black was not to be trusted. I had to remember that.

Coffee burnt my hand as I tried to fit the lid on the Styrofoam cup. Maybe if I put in a transfer, left Los Angeles for good, then I wouldn’t have to hear about him.

Dom Up. Jesus, I could scream. I didn’t want to imagine what Lorraine was thinking while reading that. Embarrassment set my skin on fire. Thank God no one knew who the father to Ava was.

A large group of nurses walked into the opened space and I weaved around them, only to slow down as I heard his name.

“Devlin Black. Mm-mmm. I’m going. I’ll be the first one in line to sign up,” a Hispanic woman in her thirties said, laughing. “I hear they’re giving personal interviews to the ones that catch their eye. Not just the video ones. You can bet I’ll be looking my best, just in case.”

More laughter was followed by an older woman speaking. “It says all shapes and sizes. That means me. I’m in.”

“What’s a Dom?” A young blonde glanced up from the paper she held long enough to pull a chair out.

A black woman reached out, taking the paper. “If you don’t know, you ain’t got no business going.” The group burst into another round of giggles almost causing me to lose it.

I spun around, heading to the elevator. It didn’t take me long to see what was on everyone’s mind. The moment I opened the door and headed to the back…more laughter.

“Have you seen him in person? Holy, fuck me now. That man is sexiness wrapped in a package of—”

Farah paused as she glanced up, continuing when I dismissed them and headed to put my purse away. Each response left me so torn over what I was feeling, I quickly spiraled to some emotional abyss I was going to have to dig my way out of.

“Hey, Victoria, you going with us? They’re keeping the doors open until around nine tonight. We’ll have plenty of time to get there.”

I turned and headed to the table, smiling. “No, that’s quite alright. You ladies have fun.”

“Oh, come on. Have you seen him?”

Farrah shoved the paper in my face and it took everything I had not to slam my fist into his printed face. What had he been thinking by putting himself on the front page of a chick magnet edition of some stupid paper? Didn’t he have enough women groveling at his feet? Now he needed more? If he were truly looking for a wife and someone to start a family with, couldn’t he just look in respectable places? Not clubs or parties, where he probably spent his time. And definitely not by placing an ad in a paper.

The more I thought about it, the angrier I became.

“Five minutes,” Clara said, sighing.

For a married mother of five, she was usually over-happy. Today, she just looked stressed. I grinned and leaned over. “Everything okay? You seem upset.”

“I’m good.” The fake smile melted almost as soon as it appeared. “Actually,” she lowered her voice and got closer. “I’m looking to cover some shifts. Harry lost his job and we could really use the extra money. You wouldn’t happen to have any I can pick up, do you? I hate asking since you’re providing for your little girl on your own, but…”

My heart ached for her. This wasn’t the first time her husband had been either laid off or fired. It seemed to happen once every few months.

“I’ll check my schedule. A few days off will probably do me good.”

“Oh, God, thank you, Victoria. Really, I’ll make it up to you somehow.”

I grabbed her hand, giving it a squeeze. Lorraine walking in had us all quieting.

“Okay, ladies.”

The address was nothing more than for us to stop gossiping and start getting ready to work. Her head motioned and I stood, following her to the side.

“I want your permission to talk to Daniel about your situation. He practices family law. Maybe he can steer us in the right direction on what you need to do.”

My mouth opened, but she held up her hand.

“Hear me out. Someday, whether it be tomorrow or ten years from now, he’s going to find out about Ava. Maybe you’ll be the one to tell him, maybe not. Regardless, the courts are going to have to deal with your case. I think it would be smart to see where you stand. Before shit hits the fan.”

The weight of the world had me lowering my head. There was so much on my plate. A mortgage, a daughter, bills, now a legal situation? But she was right. I’d be a fool not to at least talk to him.

“Okay,” I nodded. “Actually. I haven’t clocked in yet.” I looked down at my watch. “How in need are we here today? I’d really like to visit his office and talk to him in a professional setting.”

Lorraine’s eyes scanned the area. “Go ahead. We’re good. You haven’t missed a day in I don’t know how long. Go settle things with Ava. I’ll call Daniel and let him know you’re on your way. His office is downtown. Hold on, I think I have his card.” She walked over, pulling one from her wallet and handing it to me.

“Thanks.” I threw her a quick hug and walked over, grabbing my purse.

Leaving the hospital felt strange when I knew I was supposed to be there. I spent more time in that building than I did at home. Which was sad, I wish I never had to leave my daughter’s side. But taking the day off was good. I could go talk to Daniel and then spend the rest of the day with Ava. It’d be nice to be able to take her to the park. My mother usually did that since my shift didn’t end until seven at night. Now, it could just be me and her.

I smiled as I headed for the bus. As I waited, vibrating had me looking down. I pulled out my phone, seeing Lorraine’s number.

“Hey.” I took a seat on the bench.

“The office doesn’t open until eight, but he said there’s a coffee place across the street if you wanted to stop there to kill some time.”

“That sounds great. I’ll do that.”

I hung up, watching the people and cars go by. I let my mind go back to the night Devlin and I met. Back then, I’d been just as hot and cold as I am now. Although definitely more hot. Even with as arrogant as he could be, I saw a side of him that made me think there was possibly something there worth chancing. Even during the early stages of my pregnancy, I contemplated on trying to make it work, although he never returned my calls. Until I saw the real him for myself, drunk, with all those women. It killed me. And repeated to on each occasion I’d been faced with.

The bus appeared in the distance and I stood, blocking all the painful memories. A numbness took over and I let it. My past before Devlin only consisted of one boy from college. We dated all four years and I thought he’d been the one. He took my virginity and my heart, destroying both. Richard only wanted me for a cover, someone to proclaim to the world he was straight and suited for a future in politics. His efforts in bed had been lackluster to say the least, and despite realizing why that was, I still thought it was my fault. My trust had never been the same after that. Years went by while I healed and moved on with my life. Then, came Devlin. We were never supposed to meet. Yet, we had, and I couldn’t regret it. Ava was my gift and she meant everything in the world to me.

The bus stopped and I climbed in, zoning out again. The trip wasn’t that far, only making two stops before I exited, heading down the block to where the address was. People were out in droves and I kept my distance as I weaved around them. My steps slowed as I looked down the road at a gathering line. Every thought in my mind went up in smoke, leaving me completely blank.

“No fucking way,” I said, under my breath. Cautiously, I continued to get closer. Posters plastered to the glass became clear and I almost had to laugh at the irony. Fate, Karma, whoever was responsible for me ending up at the same location as Devlin’s sign-ups, was such a bitch. What were the chances?

I made my way into the coffee house and stopped dead in my tracks. Spinning for the exit, I almost lost my footing.

“Come on, Branson, that’s ridiculous.” From the sound of Devlin’s voice, I knew he was right behind me. The urge to take off in a sprint had me slowing even more. I didn’t want to stir the slightest suspicion. “I told you, I’m done. She made it clear there’s nothing between us.”

“Just let me figure out what hospital she works at. I’ll talk to her.”

My eyes grew wide and I pushed through the door, breaking left, away from the large crowd that was no doubt about to go crazy at his appearance.

“Wait one minute,” his voice said, lowly, growling at the end. “Victoria.”

I kept walking. Faster.

“Victoria, I’m talking to you.”

Footsteps pounded behind me and I closed my eyes as a hand slid around my arm and spun me around.

“Open your eyes and look at me. I’m not going to disappear. You’re wasting your time if you think I’m going to suddenly vanish because you can’t actually see me.”

When I lifted my lids, I was faced with two men. One smiling, and the one I cared about, appearing slightly angry.

“What are you doing here?” His eyes were accusatory as he stared down at me. Almost as if I had come to spy on him. I stepped back, feeling my guard go up.

“I’m meeting Daniel for coffee, of course. He works right there,” I said, pointing across the street. “Not like I have to explain myself.” My voice had weakened at the end. I hated how he could do that to me.

“The father?” More anger. The father? Did he know about Ava? My heart raced until I realized he was referencing Daniel’s children.

“Yes. The man from the diner.”

Devlin’s eyes traveled across the street. “He’s a lawyer? Of course he is,” he rushed in.

“What is that supposed to mean?” I snapped.

The other man, Branson, if I had heard him right, waved his hand. “I’m going to get things set up. Take your time. You have until three.”

Devlin barely took his eyes from me as he acknowledged him with a wave of his hand.

“Come, we’ll get you some coffee and talk like we should have done the last time we, or I should say, I, ran into you.”

He was already leading me to the café before I could argue. I kept walking. It was too late to flee now. “Answer, what did you mean by the lawyer remark?”

“You’re smart, therefore you’re likely to match with someone just as smart.”

“His job or status has nothing to do with why I started seeing him. He’s a nice man. An amazing full-time father. I respect his values. Besides, I thought you and I were done talking. Didn’t we cover everything in our last conversation?”

“No.” He held the door open and I walked to the line, taking my place. As I waited for my turn, we stood in an uncomfortable silence. We were practically strangers, yet we were arguing with each other as if we’d know one another all our lives.

“Hello,” I stepped up to the counter, ordering. Devlin pulled out his wallet but replaced it when I shot him a look. The moment I had my coffee in hand, I led us outside to the tables shaded with red and white umbrellas. The chair was pulled closer as he moved in and I tried to stop from shifting in my own.

“Victoria, about the restroom incident.” He looked down at his coffee. “I apologize for the way I acted. For even following you in there at all. It was imperative I talk with you. Seeing you after all that time I searched…” He glanced over. “I should have had more control over my actions. I’m not sure what I was think—”

“Wait.” I nearly laughed. “I know what you were thinking. You thought I’d fall into your arms and we’d pick up where we left off. That maybe you’d get some before you hurried off to whatever party you planned on attending so you could pick up your next one-night stand. I’m sorry, but I’m not going to be any part of that.”

The way his jaw tightened only showed how much my words hit home.

“I told you, I’m not like that anymore. Besides, what do you know about me, anyway? We haven’t seen each other in years. Did you read all of this off the internet?”

I did laugh then, rolling my eyes. “I’ve never once read anything about you on the internet. You may have not seen me around, but I’ve come across you plenty of times since we were together.”

“When?” His eyebrows drew in as he shook his head.

“Well.” I took a sip of my coffee. “The first time was at the coffee house close to the hospital that I work at. It was a little after six in the morning and you and some red head came stumbling in all over each other. If I can remember correctly, I’d say it was about four months after we met. I think the one that sticks out the most, though, was probably about a year later. I was on the bus and it was late at night. I had to go in to work for a nurse whose husband had a heart attack. You pulled up next to us at the light. Directly below my window, ironically enough. I wouldn’t have known it was you had you not had the top down on your convertible while getting your cock sucked as you waited.

His hand came to settle over his mouth as I continued.

“There were a few more times, but the last was back at the same coffee shop a few weeks ago. I was actually going to say hello when a brunette cut me off to make it to you first. And that was it, until you mauled me over while you were jogging.”

Devlin placed the cup on the table and leaned back. “I’m sorry you had to see that. I…truly am. No wonder. Jesus, I don’t even know what to say.”

“There is nothing to say. You mentioned change and I pray you’re right. I wish you the best happiness with your…endeavors.” I stood and he reached forward, grabbing my wrist.

“I have changed. Please. Stay. Let me explain.”

What was there to explain? Did I even want to know? Ava.

I lowered, easing my hand away from him.

“Thank you. You have to know, until I met you, I was already heading down a bad road. But you were different. You gave me a glimpse of something I didn’t even know existed. Then, you left. Never called, to my knowledge, and were impossible to find. I searched and searched to no avail. I lost it. Victoria, please. You know I don’t beg, but I’m almost positive that there was something between—”

“Oh my God! Are you Devlin Black?”

Three girls stopped inside of door, coming over as their eyes grew.

“You are,” a brunette, no older than twenty, squealed.

As if the floodgates to a goldigger’s dream opened, women seemed to turn from all directions. I stood from the chair, scooting back as what looked like some scene from a movie played out in front of me. Women by the dozens started rushing toward us. The madness that surrounded Devlin quickly became unbelievable.

“Victoria!” I heard my name called out and I could see him tower over the growing crowd of women. More were running from the line that had taken place in front of sign-ups and I almost couldn’t believe my eyes.

My head shook as he called out to me again. There was no way I could do this.

“Please,” he mouthed.

God, what was I doing? Thoughts wouldn’t even come as I shook my head at him again. If I had worried about the women before, now it was a million times worse. Whether he’d use them like the others was up for debate, but I wouldn’t be sticking around to find out.

Chapter 7

Devlin

“Next.”

Nine hours of watching videos, seven days of interviews, and I wasn’t even a quarter of the way through. Woman had come, true to the ad. All shapes and sizes. All races. Every hair color imaginable. And not one compared to the person I ached to see the most.

“I liked her,” Branson piped in.

“I didn’t,” Jill groaned. “Too fake and I’m not just talking about her personality.” She popped another piece of popcorn into her mouth and held out the bowl to me. I shook my head, shifting to the other side of my numb ass. How could these two sleep in such a hard bed?

Branson reached over, grabbing a handful while hitting the fast-forward button. He stopped it on an attractive brunette. She wasn’t skinny, but she wasn’t overweight either. Curves. I liked that, but I was betting they didn’t affect me like Victoria’s had.

“Jessica. That’s sweet,” Jill said, nudging me.

I sighed. “Next.”

“Oh, come one,” Branson said, sitting forward. “There’s nothing wrong with her. She’s only said her name. How do you know she’s not the one?”

“Because, I just know. I’m done for the night.” I stood. “We’ll contact the four we picked out tomorrow and…set something up.” Not that I wanted to. Jill had picked three. Branson one. Me, none.

“Sounds good.” He paused the video and climbed off the bed. I leaned over, kissing Jill on the cheek.

“You both take care. I’ll be around.” I put up my hand as Branson began to follow. “I know my way out,” I said, grinning. “Stay with your wife. I’ll lock the front door behind me.”

He nodded and I took the stairs at a fast pace. The moment I had the house secured, I headed to my new car at a fast pace. The itch to go out was nearly killing me. Weeks…months? How long had it been since I’d had a drink. Or a woman?

I climbed in the car, letting it purr beneath me. One night. One slip up could ruin all my hard work. I couldn’t let it happen, no matter how bad I wanted to. Which was bad enough to the point where my hands were shaking. I put the shifter in reverse and drove, blasting down the mountain road and back to the city.

Victoria Marie Farris. I knew her name, had found out where she worked, lived, and it drove me crazy that I’d gone even that far. Why couldn’t I let this go? I should have been able to walk away from a stranger. But I just couldn’t.

I hit the button on my steering wheel. “Call Victoria.” The shaking grew worse and I focused on the road. If she knew I’d conned the number from one of her coworkers, she’d never talk to me again. Though, she’d probably hang up the second she discovered it was me.

“Hello?” Noise sounded in the background and I strained to hear. “Hello?” She breathed out heavily when it was drowned out by a baby crying. The phone went dead and I tried to wrap my brain around it. Had she been at work? That didn’t sound like a newborn. Young, yes, but…

“Call Victoria.”

Ringing filled the interior again and she answered almost immediately. “Hello?”

More crying.

“Shh,” she said, soothingly. “Hello?”

“Don’t hang up.” I swallowed hard, trying to slow my pulse.

“Who is this?” Although she asked, I knew she’d figured it out.

“We need to talk.” I added the tiniest amount of anger into my words, gaging how she’d react.

Movement and then mumbling sounded as though her hand was placed over the receiver. Then, a few seconds of silence.

“How did you get my number?” Breathlessness laced her tone and I heard a door shut. I gripped to the steering wheel tighter, trying to keep calm. Plans used to be something I could hatch at the drop of a dime. Now, not much of anything came.

“I have sources. Listen, I’m…” The wrong things kept coming and I could have easily manipulated her, but I didn’t want to. “I’m in trouble. I need your help. Even if it is to just talk.”

“What?” Surprise laced her tone. “You mean, you’re calling me to ask for help? At almost eleven o’clock at night? Devlin, some of us have to get up early and go to work in the morning. We can’t all party it up until the wee hours of night.”

I stopped at a red light and froze. “You’re at home?” I knew she probably was, but to know for sure…

“Ah…well, yes.” Her voice was stuttering all over the place.

“Victoria.” Her name came out in a growl as I fought a truth so big, I couldn’t breathe past it. “Do you have something to tell me?”

Silence.

“Whose kid was that in the background? Was that mine?”

Even as I asked, the conflicting emotions elicited by the possible answer left me in a stage of rage, yet…hope.

“Devlin.” There it was again, like in the bathroom when I asked her the same question. I slammed my foot against the gas and cut over three lanes as I headed in the direction of her home.

“You bring that baby outside when I pull up. I want to see for myself. No more fucking bullshitting me, Victoria. If you’ve lied to me…” I swallowed past the fear, the anger. I’d made it more than clear the night we met how I felt about liars.

A long breath broke over the line. “The neighbors are over. You want me to bring their daughter out in the damp night so you can look at her? Are you kidding me? Devlin, I don’t have time for this.”

“If it’s so late, why are your neighbors over, with their baby, no less? Shouldn’t she be in bed, in her own home?”

“Why did you really call?”

Was I really arguing with her about a neighbor’s baby? Fuck, I was desperate. I did have some valid points, though.

I slowed, stopping at another damn light. “The urge. It’s really strong tonight. I thought maybe if I talked about it, it might help me.”

“From going out and doing something you might regret?”

“Yes,” I breathed out. “I haven’t had a drink or been with a woman in a while. I’ve been okay until the last hour, but now....”

There was a moment of silence before she cleared her throat. “You’re lonely. What about friends?”

“I just left Branson’s. It’s not the same.”

“A late movie?”

I smiled. “You going?”

“Of course not,” she laughed. “I told you, I have to work in the morning.”

The smile fell and I pulled over into the parking lot of a shopping center a few blocks from her home. “If you didn’t have to work, would you go with me?”

“Devlin.”

“Victoria,” I countered. “Come on, if you won’t date me, at least be my friend. All I want to do is be around you.” I squinted my eyes. How pathetic had that sounded?

“What about your dates? You have to have someone to hang out with.” She paused. “We both know friends isn’t going to work between us. Not with our past. Not with the diner incident.”

I rolled my eyes. “Only because you want me, too. Yet, you’re fighting it. Why?”

“You have to ask that? I told you why at the café.”

“No, you had the same issue the night you left my house. Before the condom broke.”

A crunching sound, like gravel under one’s feet sounded, and I listened closely, trying to imagine her surroundings. How she looked.

“I was engaged in college. We were together for four years. Richard wasn’t who I thought he was. His life was politics. He had such big plans. I was a part of them, but not in the way I’d always dreamed. I was nothing more than a cover to his secret. I loved him, but he was in love with his best friend, Charles. I caught them together.” What sounded like more rocks crunched. “It messed me up. Trust is something I have an issue with. You were the only person aside from him.”

My lips parted. “Only person… aside from your college fiancé? Ever?”

She laughed. “Yes. Like I said, trust issues. I don’t let myself get involved with men. I like it that way. Alone is good.”

And here I was, calling her from a few weeks off of depraved sex and booze.

“I don’t like alone, if you can’t tell.”

She sighed. “The wife hunt. The key to forever happiness. How’s that going by the way?”

I leaned the seat back. “A nightmare. Branson and his wife have picked out four women. All of who I’m not looking forward to meeting. I mean, there’s nothing wrong with them, per se, I just don’t feel any chemistry. Not like what we had.”

“But you haven’t even seen them. Who’s to say when you meet them in person that doesn’t change? You might be so swept away, you won’t even remember who I am.”

Yeah, right. Like that was going to happen. “Maybe, but I highly doubt it.”

“Devlin,” she said, lowly. “You don’t know that.”

“Do you ever think about the night we shared together? I mean, before the whole condom incident.”

A groan came over the phone. “Let’s not do this.”

“It’s a simple question. One I want you to answer.”

“And if I don’t?”

I smiled. “I know where you live. I could stop by and ask you in person.”

“No,” she said, drawing it out. “Fine. Yes, of course I do.”

“Do you miss the way you felt, being Dommed by me?”

She paused. “Yes.”

My cock hardened instantly. I missed having her under my control. Watching her writhe as I made her come all over my fingers and cock. Fuck, I tortured her for hours, making her hold off. I craved to see her look up at me with want. Need. “Let me Dom you, again. One more time.”

“Absolutely not.” The matter of fact tone she used had me frowning.

“Fine. I’m headed over.”

A mass of mumbled words that sounded like a string of curses had me laughing. “Was that a yes? I couldn’t understand you.” I revved the engine, smiling wider at her increasing panic.

“No, oh God, please. Don’t do this. You just…stay away. The phone I can do. In person…that just complicates things.”

I pulled up the seat and put the car in first gear. “I liked complicated. I’m coming over. I’m like five minutes away. You’re outside, anyway. You can come sit in my car and we’ll talk.”

“How did you find out where I lived? Really. Who told you?”

Anger was taking over her words and I knew I was pushing it, but I didn’t care. I needed her. If I had her in my presence, then I wouldn’t be out getting drunk and on the prowl.

“It doesn’t matter.” I hit the road, making my first right into a nice little subdivision. So different than the setting and location of my penthouse. “How do you like living here? Does it make you happy? Or do you prefer the downtown area? Like where I live?”

She huffed under her breath. “You mean if I could afford it?”

“That’s not what I meant. I’m merely asking you your preferences.”

“I love it here. It’s a very good community. The people are friendly.”

Nice landscaping. Toys in the yards. Basketball hoops. I twisted my mouth. “Looks very centered around families. Why are you living here?”

She got quiet. “My mom lives with me. It’s one of the reasons I don’t want you to come over.”

“Can I meet her?” The words came out before I could stop them. My parents had been dead since I was a teen. It would be interesting to see the woman who raised Victoria.

“No, you cannot. You’re really not coming, are you?”

I smiled as I rounded the corner of her road and watched my headlights spotlight her pacing the driving.

“Fuck,” she breathed out.

The hand she held up to her ear dropped to her side and she raised her palm out as I pulled into the driveway next to a SUV. Dark hair spun around as she turned and jogged toward the house.

“White and pink polka dot pajamas. Amazing,” I said, turning off the car and climbing out. The area was lit up by two lights on each side of the tan garage. The yard was landscaped, like the others, bushes lining the light colored brick with pink flowers within matching brick accents.

I walked around the car, more toward the entrance. A woman opened the door, her eyes focusing before a smile appeared. She shut the door behind her as she came over.

“You must be Devlin Black.” Her hand outstretched. “I’ve heard so much about you.”

“Have you?” To say I was surprised was an understatement.

“Of course.” Salt and pepper hair was pulled back on her head and the resemblance to Victoria was just similar enough for me to be able to see the connection. Same height, different noses, but the same full lips.

I shook her hand, surprised when she stepped in, wrapping her arm around my waist. The door opened and I looked up to see Victoria’s jaw drop.

“Mom,” she said, drawing it out, almost embarrassed.

I laughed. Moving my arm away as she stepped back.

“What? I was just saying hello. Now that I have, I’m going back in to leave you two alone. Pleasure meeting you, Devlin.”

“Wait.” I stepped forward. “I didn’t get your name.”

“Sophia.” She waved, shutting the door behind her.

A groan came from Victoria as she put her face in her hands and lowered her head. “I can’t believe this.”

“Oh, come on. It’s not a big deal. I’m here. I met your mom. No harm done.”

“Yes, there is,” she said, her words slightly muffled.

“Do I get to meet the neighbors too?”

She rose, glancing back toward the door. “They already left.”

“Oh. Pity. I really did want to see that baby. They seem to be everywhere lately. I think I’m developing a fondness for them.”

She laughed. “A fondness? Devlin, are you saying you have baby fever?”

The term automatically made the man in me defensive, but I couldn’t deny the truth. “I think I do.” I pushed my hands into my pockets and looked down, smiling. “They’re really cute, aren’t they? When I run through the park, I see lots of dads out there with the kids. I want something like that. A home. A wife. A few kids walking around and making messes.”

I stole a glance at Victoria. “What I said in my ad is true. I want a sub, but I want her as my wife. One who’s ready to put everything into trying to get pregnant. Time is running out for me. I’m ready to jump in and see what happens.”

“You’ve lost your mind. A baby is such a huge responsibility. Do you really want to knock some woman up without even knowing her? Devlin, think this through. A baby is for life. The ties you have with the mother will be forever. Don’t rush into something because of a need. You have to find the right woman. A child will come with time if it’s the right thing.”

A bench sat closer to the flowerbed and I walked over, sitting down. Hesitantly, Victoria followed, scooting as far away from me as she could.

“I’m tired of waiting. Maybe I’ve always wanted something permanent. That’s why I have the contract. I refuse to let this fail. I know I won’t drop the ball if I find the right person. There’s so much love in me, if I could just prove it. I know I can be a great husband and father. Why do you think I came here? You make me feel like that man, Victoria. If I can’t have you, then at least you can keep me straight until I do find someone. I don’t want to screw this up.”

Pink polka dots swayed around her legs as she drew her knees up to her chest, placing her feet on the edge of the seat.

“Devlin, I’m not sure I can help you. I…” She glanced over, only to turn and face forward again.

“Because we still want each other. Listen,” I faced her. “You can trust me. If you give yourself to me, I would never hurt you. We don’t even have to rush into a relationship. We can date. Like I said before, no sex. Although, I’d fucking Dom the shit out of you like before. I do want to.”

Victoria flew to her feet. “Jesus. See? That’s why we can’t be around each other.”

“But you want it. I know you do.” I stood, wrapping my arm around her waist and pulling her into the dark section of the yard. “Tell me you don’t want me. I dare you.”

My lips crushed into hers, cutting off any denial she might have had on the tip of her tongue. I cupped the side of her face, using my other hand to grab her ass and bring her body into mine. Her palms pushed against me which only caused me to bring her in even more.

“Open for me, kitten. Let me taste what I’ve missed.”

“No, you have to stop,” she whispered. “You—”

I cut her off as I kissed her again. Harder I pressed, holding her head immobile until she gasped. My tongue swept inside, causing her to moan as I slid it along the length of hers. God, her taste. It was all the drink I needed. The warmth that coated my stomach and moved through my limbs was the perfect elixir to what the man in me needed.

“Please,” she said, muffled. A sob left her and she fought harder to get out of my grasp. I lifted my head, but didn’t let go.

“I can’t do this, Devlin. Not again.”

“Why? Give me an answer I believe and I’ll walk away and never bother you again. If you say trust, or you don’t have feelings for me, that won’t work. I won’t believe you.”

Her nails dug in as my grip tightened on her ass.

“I…”

Seconds went by. It was too much time. She didn’t have a reason and I wasn’t letting her go until she convinced me. I walked to the side of the house, pinning her into the brick. It caused her to squirm again, but I knew we had nothing to worry about. The house next door was completely dark and we were hidden well enough in the shadows.

“You want to fuck me and you’ve decided you’re not going to stop until you get it. Is that it, Devlin? Will that make you leave?”

“No,” I said, shaking my head. “That will make me stay.”

Chapter 8

Victoria

I practically clawed into his chest as I fought to gain control over my body. How had this happened? Who gave him my number and told him where I lived? Lorraine? Daniel? I’d fucking confided in him, too. Neither of them have better betrayed me.

“I want to stay, kitten. Do you want me to ask your mom? I will. I’ll sleep on the couch. Just let me spend time with you so you can learn to trust me.”

“You are not staying here. Plus, this is my house. Not my mother’s. I call the shots and I say no.”

His hand let go of my face and moved to grip the other side of my ass. As his fingers pushed in, I clutched to his shirt. He was so close to my pussy, it took everything in me not to grind against him. Fuck, I wanted to. I wanted him more than I ever had. Hearing him talk about who he wanted to be…I almost believed him.

“Where’s my excuse? Tell me why you keep saying no. I won’t be satisfied until I hear it. Or are you stalling because you don’t have one?”

Oh, I had plenty. How about being four months pregnant and seeing your child’s father making out in a fucking café with a woman who was barely dressed? Or, seeing him get his dick sucked while you were on your way to pull an extra shift just so you could cover medical bills from his daughter’s two day hospital stay due to a virus?

“I’m waiting.” His voice softened and I met his eyes, my anger doused almost immediately. It wasn’t his fault. I held him responsible for something he had no clue about. Still, I couldn’t erase the memories, or the pain.

His lips brushed against mine while I struggled to think of a good enough excuse. Thing was, I couldn’t think past wanting to kiss him back.

“You don’t want me to stay, fine. Come back with me to my place. Let me stop this.” He reached up, massaging his finger into my temple. “You think too much. I’ve stopped it once. I can do it again.”

Slowly, he moved his hand down, making a path over my throat.

“Kitten, talk to me.” Lower, his hand went until it cupped my breast. With pressure from his fingers, he pinched my hard nipple, rolling it, causing me to moan. Without a bra, the only barrier was my damn shirt, which I was wishing I wasn’t wearing at the moment. It’d been too long since I’d felt turned on. Fuck, even after everything, I still wanted him.

“Actually, don’t talk.” His touch disappeared, sliding underneath and replacing the cotton that covered my breast. Heaviness took over my lids at the pleasure that shot to my core. “There you are,” he whispered. “No more thinking.” He pulled at the hard nub, applying more pressure. “Kiss me.”

The demand pulled me closer to him and away from the hard wall that was making my back ache. The magic in his commands left me under his spell every time. My lips parted and I let my gaze lift to his. Even though I tried, I couldn’t hold his stare.

“Do it. Kiss me, kitten. I’m not asking anymore. You know the consequences. I’m no genius, but I’m guessing from the For Sale sign next door and how dark it is, no one lives there. I’ll pull those pants down right now.”

My sex drew up just thinking about him spanking me. God, I wanted him to. I wanted it all.

“One.”

I licked my lips, trying to think. This couldn’t happen, I knew that, but for the life of me I couldn’t put a stop to it.

“Two.” His finger pushed under my chin, making me look up. “I knew it. You are a natural submissive, through and though. You’re not arguing and you’re not fighting me. You want this.”

“Only right now,” I corrected. “After the moment is over,” I shook my head, “I’m going to want you to disappear again. That’s just me, Devlin. I’m sorry, but I can’t give you more. Ever.”

I couldn’t have hurt him more if I wanted to. His eyes dropped while he blinked rapidly. The small shake made me wish I could take my words back. They were a lie. Just like everything else I said that concerned him. It killed me. Why couldn’t I do this? Tell him right now that his daughter was asleep in her crib and that I wanted to try to learn to trust that he’d never hurt me?

I was lowered to stand, but he didn’t separate the distance between us. “Never? There’s nothing I can do to change your mind?”

“No.”

A change took over his shadowed face. One I’d seen before.

“I’ve been used by people just as much as I’ve used them. Why not one last time? I’ll go out with a bang.” He spun me around, pushing me into the brick. My pajama bottoms and panties were ripped down and his palm flattened against the middle of my back. He pulled at the button on his jeans, jerking them down.

“Wait.” I tried to turn, but only got pushed in harder.

“You want my cock, correct?”

I held in my moan as his fingers moved over my slit.

“Oh yeah, you’re so fucking wet right now.” One of his digits slid inside of me and I pushed the pads of my fingers into the brick, hard. “At least my last will be you. I can live with that.” Another spread me wide and I moved down at the fullness I felt.

“Dev.” I couldn’t get out the rest of his name. He thrust in deep. Faster.

Pain exploded across my ass from the hand that had been on my back.

“Sir,” I cried out, quietly.

“That’s more like it.” Another spanking sent me over the edge and my pussy clutched around his fingers. My orgasm hit so hard I could feel every inch of me trembling, even over the spasms. “Been that long, huh? Don’t worry, I’ll make the next one just as good.”

His fingers left me, only for his arm to wrap around my waist, bringing me to my toes. Thickness pushed into my opening and I breathed through every painful inch.

“God dammit,” he moaned. My hair was wrapped around his fist and he pulled back, making me take him deeper. “You are so tight, kitten. Too tight.” He withdrew, slamming back into me. The thrust became steady after that. Rough. This wasn’t like the last few times he’d had sex with me. Then, he’d been gentle. Loving. This Devlin was fucking me. Using me, like he thought I was using him.

“Birth control. Yes or no?”

I sobered immediately. “No.”

That should have been the first thing on my mind. I’d been here before. Had proof of the outcome.

His hand left my hair and came to settle over my clit as he increased his speed. The rubbing against the top of my slit had me building all over again.

“We have to stop. This is too dangerous.” Even as I said the words, I didn’t want to. It felt too good. Too right.

“I’ll pull out.” His teeth nibbled against my neck, all the way up to my ear. Heat burned into my fingers while I continued to dig at the brick.

Pull out…“That’s not always safe,” I managed to get out. Anything else wouldn’t come. Tightening twisted my insides and a moan slipped from my throat. It was horrible that I craved to continue. To go all the way and have him come in me. The taboo brought me even closer and I leaned my head back, turning toward him.

My lids opened enough to see he was staring at me and for once I didn’t think. I moved closer, easing my lips to his. The hunger I was met with was on a level I hadn’t prepared myself for. Something shattered in my chest releasing a need that I’d spent years locking away. An openness that changed Devlin from untrustworthy to a possible prospect. Could he change? Did I want to risk everything and find out?

I barely realized I was being lowered to the grass and my bottoms were being pulled off, only to be pushed under my ass. He surged inside me with enough force to have me crying out. My nails sunk into his back as he continued at a ruthless pace.

“After tonight, you won’t see me again, kitten. You know that right?” His lips pressed into mine, only to pull back as he narrowed his eyes. I saw his pain, it slammed into my chest with such an impact that I shook my head.

“I don’t believe it.”

He pounded into me harder. If fucking was a punishment meant to brand me, Devlin had already succeeded. I was owed by him. Even if I didn’t want to admit it to either of us.

“I’m serious, Victoria. I want more and you can’t give me that. I deserve to be happy. If you say you can’t give us a chance, you leave me with no other choice.”

My arms latched around his neck, even though I knew it was pointless. Within seconds, he was pinning them over my head with one of his hands.

“I’m sorry.” Tears escaped and he unleashed heaven and hell on me all at once. His free arm hooked under my knee and he pushed forward, reaching uncharted territory. I nearly screamed as an orgasm blindsided me. And it didn’t stop as he forced his way in even more.

“Oh…fuck.” He moaned, pulling out and leaving me completely as he came. Warmth shot across my lower stomach and right at the top of my slit. I wasn’t ready for this to end. The urge to rub his essence into my skin, to bask in what we shared and begin all over again made the pain of our separation even stronger. My head lifted just as he wiped me clean and eased me to stand. I reached down, grabbing my pants and sliding them on. My panties…were nowhere to be seen. Devlin lifted his hand and I snatched them from his finger, balling them in my fist.

“So this is it? Goodbye?”

Used. It was starting to sink in, sobering the high I was floating on. I couldn’t give him what he wanted at the moment and to lead him on would only add more to the mountain of lies I’d already created. For now, we were over.

“Goodbye, Devlin.” I picked up his hand, giving it a good squeeze before I let go and rounded the corner. Tears spilled over, sliding down my cheeks and marking the beginning of the flood I knew was coming. Not looking back was the hardest thing I could remember doing, but I forced myself through the front door, locking it behind me. Seconds went by and the sound of his car engine had me sliding down the wooden door. A sob broke through the silence and I pulled my legs into my chest, clutching on for dear life as his car faded into the distance. He was gone and soon, Ava and I would be too.

Chapter 9

Devlin

My favorite Italian restaurant now held memories I wanted to forget. I used to come here, praying I’d see Victoria walk through the door. Now, I knew she never would. The ending started before we even began. I’d tried so damn hard to convince her to give me a chance and I failed. Completely blew what I knew could have been an amazing thing.

“Relax, you look ready to pummel someone. This is supposed to be a date, remember? Now, loosen up.”

I looked down at my phone. Branson was on the screen and I couldn’t wait to turn him off. To be done with this already.

“What’s her name again?”

An aggravated sound came over the speaker. “Meredith. I’ve told you three times already. Head in the game. This could be your future wife. The mother of your children. Now focus.”

“Blonde, right?”

“Jesus, Dev. You’ve known about this date for three days already.” He picked up a picture, turning it toward the screen.

“Dark hair,” I said, glancing back toward the entrance. “I don’t like her.”

“Too bad. You didn’t like any of them, so Jill and I are taking matters into our own hands. You’re doing this and you’re going to put your all into it. Victoria is done. Remember? You said so yourself. Move on.”

Damn, the truth hurt. “My girl’s here, I gotta go.” I hung up, pushing the phone into my jacket pocket. She really wasn’t, but he didn’t need to know that.

I grabbed the water, taking a big gulp. Meredith really wasn’t that bad looking. Well, she was beautiful. She just didn’t have that pull I was looking for. Who cared, though? How many couples experienced what Victoria and I did? Probably not many. It was over. The taste had been amazing, but it was time to move on.

A couple sat down not far away and I watched how they interacted. The man was polite enough. He stood to the side of her chair and pushed it in after she sat. They smiled at each other as he took his seat and they both grabbed the menus, laying them on the table. Typical. Where was the spark? The one that left them moving in closer and saying to hell with the food?

Movement had me looking over and I rose as the woman from the picture walked forward with the hostess.

“Mr. Black.” Her arm outstretched and I paused before reaching forward to shake her hand. What was this, a business deal? Well…it kind of was. Still, I didn’t even have a chance to step over to her chair before she sat down and scooted closer to the table.

I eased down, studying her as I took my seat. “Meredith, thank you for deciding to meet me.” The waiter walked up and she glanced over, smiling. It was nice enough. Perfect white teeth. Smaller lips and nose. Welcoming eyes. She was more on the skinnier side, but she had nice breasts. Half of them were spilling out of the top of her dress. Something I didn’t care much for.

“Martini. Dry,” she said, with a flick of her wrist.

My hand froze as I reached for my glass.

“I was delighted to get the call.” She gave me her full attention, completely dismissing Randy. I watched both of his eyebrows raise in a surprised disbelief. This wasn’t going to work. I took a deep breath and leaned back, already relaxing.

“Well, you caught the eye of my friend and his wife. They thought you’d be a good match for me. I’m afraid I don’t agree. I’m sorry to waste your time.”

“Excuse me?”

Drama was something I wasn’t looking for, but I wasn’t about to beat around the bush either. “Nothing personal. Really, I’m sure you’re lovely, but to be truthful, that man you just snubbed, he’s my friend. I found the way you dismissed him to be really rude.”

“The waiter?” She glanced to where he had been and brought her attention back to me. “I didn’t mean to appear that way. You had said something and I had to pause in answering. If anything, I didn’t want to be the one who was being rude. Wow, I guess what they say is true. You really are a dick.”

I laughed, nodding. “That assessment is probably right. Now, are you leaving or am I?”

There was a flicker behind her eyes and I knew something bad was coming. I grabbed my water just as she reached for it.

“That would have been a horrible mistake. Don’t make this worse than it has to be. Turn and walk.” I motioned with my fingers and she spun on her heels, stalking to the door like a bull ready to destroy everything in its path. “Well, shit.” I glanced over as Randy slowed, looking around. “I’ll take that, thanks.” I stood, grabbing the martini glass and removing the olive. “To Victoria.” I tipped it in his direction and brought it back, downing the alcohol in one long drink. “Put the drinks on my tab. I’m out.” The glass hit the table harder than I intended and I didn’t wait. I pulled my phone from my pocket and broke through the entrance of the restaurant, not even bothering to head toward my car.

“Mr. Black?” The valet look confused and I held up my hand, pulling up Branson’s number and hitting the button.

“You didn’t,” he exploded as he answered.

“She snubbed Randy. I told you I didn’t like her.” Branson tried to cut me off, but I didn’t let him. “I’m headed to the beach. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

The tie fell to the sidewalk at my pull and I jerked at the buttons against my neck. They were threatening to suffocate me more by the second. My phone rang and I groaned. “Oh, Branson. You just don’t get it.” I answered, more for Jill than him. “What?”

“I’m sending date number two to join you. She’s going to find you across from the parking lot. Don’t screw this one up. And she’s blonde, in case you don’t remember.”

Was there really a point to argue? “Let me to talk to Jill.”

“You’re the most stubborn person I’ve met in my life. Hold on.”

I smiled, jogging across the street.

“Dev, sweetie. What’s going on?”

Calming rushed through me at her voice. “I’m not sure I’m ready. I know what I want, but I’m not sure it’s with any of them. This was a mistake.”

“No, turning your back on this opportunity would be a mistake. Do me a favor. Don’t look at this as a date. Talk to her without throwing judgment. Just have a conversation with no expectations. If you don’t click, there’s nothing to lose. Maybe you’ll make a new friend out of it.”

The parking lot was practically empty as I strolled across. “Yeah, I’ll try that. Thanks, Jill.”

“Anytime. Call back if you need us.”

“Thanks.” I hung up, approaching the sand. Waves crashed ahead and I took a deep breath, relishing in the sound. Better. This is what I needed.

I took off my socks and shoes and started walking closer. Even the sand between my toes had my pulse slowing. I sat down, content to staring toward the darkening sky. A rainbow of colors layered the horizon, blue, yellow, pink, and then a light blue. For what felt life hours passed. If I moved, I wasn’t aware of it. It took a tap on my shoulder to break me from my thoughts. I stood, surprised.

“Hi, I’m Clarissa.” The short blonde was on the bigger side, but it suited her beautifully. A light blue sundress the color of the sky blew in the wind, and at her shyness, I liked her instantly.

“Devlin. Thanks for coming.” I removed my jacket, placing it on the sand. “Sit with me and tell me about yourself.” The sand shifted between my toes and I sat down, patting my jacket. Clarissa eased to my side, stealing a glance as she did.

“Well, I’m twenty-nine. I’m a chef at Penzorri’s and I have a doctorate in Psychology, but I have no plan to ever use it.”

I laughed, taking a better look at her. Green eyes with specks of gold. Not the color of Victoria’s, but still nice. “So what made you decide to take the chef route?”

“I love to cook. Always have. It was the main way I helped pay for school and I just stuck with it. When the passion is there, you can’t turn your back on it, no matter what.”

My head lowered. I could disagree with that. I had a passion for Victoria, but I couldn’t keep pursuing her. Not when she didn’t want anything between us.

“Agreed,” I said, lowly. My attention went back to the water. “Tell me what you know about me and this contract I have.”

Her fingers went to the sand just past the edge of the jacket and she began drawing shapes. “You’re looking to settle down. Your lifestyle is one I’m not too familiar with, but I have done some research into the BDSM world. I think I’d enjoy it. Like you, I’m ready to get married and have kids. My life has been my work and I have no intention of quitting if you pick me, but I would like to take a good year off after… I mean, if I…” Her cheeks flushed and I liked her even more. Victoria’s did the same thing.

“If you were to have my child. Is that what you mean to say?”

“Yes. I’m sorry.”

I leaned over, kissing the top of her head. “No use apologizing.” I stood, holding out my hand. The antsy feeling was still there, but I was hoping if I moved it would decrease. “Let’s go for a walk. I’ll tell you what you can expect if we decide to go into this partnership together. You can get a better idea and see if you’re even interested afterward.

She stood, pausing before her fingers interlaced with mine. It was odd; strange to open myself up to anyone. With Victoria, it came natural. I got a small taste with Clarissa, but I was really having to force it.

“I’m a lot of things. Honest, blunt, and I can be hard to get along with at times, but I know what I want.” I eased to a stop, turning to her. “Control is a big thing with me. At all times, I will hold it. Not you. If I tell you to do something, I expect it to be done.” The water rushed past my ankles and pulled at the bottom of her dress. My eyes stayed lowered, watching as it stuck to her legs. “For example,” I said, looking back up. “The demands may be as simple as, don’t lie to me. It’s my main rule. I hate liars. And it’s easy enough to follow. But the scope goes a lot deeper than that. As a sub, you will obey my every word. I will never disrespect you, but if I told you to get on your knees and suck my cock right here, you better do it.”

Her eyes blinked rapidly and she looked around at the nearly deserted beach. My hand cupped her chin, bringing her back to face me.

“That wasn’t an order, but an example. You have to know how far this might go—the real me. Otherwise, this won’t work. And I want to know the real you. Brutal honesty, no matter how bad it is. I don’t judge. I think I’ve done everything possible. What is life if you haven’t experimented, right?”

“Yes,” she said, nodding.

“On your knees.” I crossed my arms over my chest and watched as the confusion played across her face. She lowered, a wave soaking her hips as she glanced up.

“Good. Now tell me, Clarissa. Have you ever done drugs?”

When her hands clasped in her lap, I knew she was thinking of what all to tell me.

“Weed in high school. Tried cocaine a few times in college. Even took ecstasy once. Mainly peer situations. Friends were doing them, so I decided to try them too. I’ve been clean for seven years. I don’t even drink alcohol.”

I smiled. “Thank you for your honesty. What’s been your longest relationship?”

“Two years. It ended a year ago.”

“How many people have you slept with? Do you even know? Have there been multiple people involved? Remember, honesty. I will find out the truth so I’d like to hear it from you first.”

Red stained her cheeks and she reached to steady herself as another wave crashed into her side. “I don’t know how many. A lot. Especially in college. I was with three men at one time.” Her head shook as she stared at my knees. “I can’t change my past. There have been things I’m ashamed of, but what’s done is done.”

“Indeed.” I lowered to face her. The uncertainty left her eyes searching mine.

“Are you going to dismiss me?”

The longer I looked into the green irises, the more I realized that I could possibly grow feelings for her if I continued to get to know her. Time would show me her real personality and that was the key.

“Your answers haven’t disqualified you if that’s what you mean.” She took my hand as we stood. “I’m starving. What do you say we go back to my place and I’ll order in? There are a few more tests I want to put you through before the night is over with. We’ll see just how much of a sub you really want to be, and if you even like me at the end of it. What do you say?”

Chapter 10

Victoria

Orange and black streamers looped around the ceiling, matching the confetti that decorated the small convention center the hospital had booked for the Halloween party. Music played in the background and a few people were on the dance floor. Rita, for one, who had had a little bit too much to drink before she’d even arrived. Lorraine leaned over, the braids from her Dorothy costume falling over her shoulders.

“And she wonders why she doesn’t have my job. Every year and she never learns.”

I laughed, adjusting the cat ears on my head. “Do you think she’ll come on to Dr. Rafferty this year? Maybe corner him outside the restrooms again?” I kept my voice down, even though I knew Ava wasn’t old enough to understand.

“Wouldn’t that be something? Let’s hope not, his wife is here this time. I hear she’s a bit overprotective of her husband. Last thing we need is a catfight to ruin this one. Last time it was Denise breaking her leg. I think I’d like to see what happens if we can make it to ten o’clock this time.”

Ava squirmed in my lap and I stood, standing her on the floor. “I’m sure only more interesting things would happen.” I glanced down as she yawned. “I think I’m going to let her walk around. Eight is her bedtime and it’s already fifteen after. She’s getting restless.”

“I’ll go with you.” Lorraine kissed Martin’s cheek, making him pause in his conversation with Dr. Emery. The smile he flashed her had me mirroring him. They were so cute when they were together.

Ava wrapped her hand around my fingers and stayed close as she started heading in the direction of the far end of the room. Her tutu swayed with every step and at almost a year and a half old, she was really starting to blossom from baby to toddler. Although, I didn’t see her that way. She’d been walking since eight months and pretty much had running down. Tripping was common, but it didn’t stop her from trying.

“You never told me exactly what happened with Devlin. He came to your house?”

I looked over, the memories flooding back with a vengeance. It had been almost two weeks since that day and my body felt just as alive now as it had been then. Talking about how everything turned out flipped my stomach, making me feel sick.

“Yeah, somehow he got my number and address. He heard Ava crying in the background.”

Lorraine’s eyes grew wide. “What did you tell him?”

I looked down as she slowed. “That the neighbors were over and it was their kid. I felt horrible. I almost told him then, but I just couldn’t.”

“Victoria.” She shook her head. “This is going to be bad. I can feel it.”

“I can too. You should have heard him when he asked me if it was his kid.” I held in the tears as I turned to her. “He was so mad.”

“As he has a right to be.”

All I could do was nod. “We, uh…” My hand pressed into my mouth as I looked for the words. “We…”

“No,” she gasped. “Again? Where?”

“The side of my house. I don’t know what I was thinking. I just couldn’t stop myself! What is wrong with me?”

Lorraine reached and took my hand. “You love him. Just admit it.” At my head tilting, she squeezed my fingers. “Tell him everything, Victoria. Get over this fear and let him in. It might be the best thing you’ve ever done.” She glanced down at Ava. “At least tell me you used protection.”

At my silence, she cursed under her breath. “You better pray to all that’s holy your period comes. If not…hell, I don’t want to imagine. You’ll have to tell him then. You can’t hide two.”

“I know,” I breathed out. “Actually. I’ve been thinking and I’ve been looking for jobs in San Francisco.”

Lorraine’s mouth dropped open. “Don’t you dare run away. You have a nice house and a great job with people here who love you. That’ll be the biggest mistake ever. Worse than…” she waved her hand. “Just stay. I’ll help you as much as I can. Come here.” She pulled me into her side and we all turned, letting Ava walk back in the direction we’d come.

“When does your monthly come?”

A smile came to my face and I couldn’t stop it. “Three days, give or take. I’m not all that regular. Sometimes it arrives on cue, other times, I can be a week or so late. I’m not worried, though. With Ava, I had morning sickness the day I was late. I feel fine.”

“I never had morning sickness with Jared. Don’t go off of that. Test and do it often. You’re going to want to know immediately. That way we can come up with a plan.”

“Okay.” Ava pulled against my hand and I broke away from Lorraine to pick her up. “I think we’re going. It’s bed time and truthfully, I’m exhausted.”

“Sounds great. You two be safe on your way home.”

Squirming had me bringing her up higher on my chest. “I have the car, we’ll be fine. You and Martin have fun.” I kissed her cheek and headed for the table, saying my goodbyes. We weren’t driving for five minutes before I looked back in the rearview mirror to see Ava sleeping. Her round cheeks were flushed from the excitement of the day and her full lips were slightly puckered. Ringlets that escaped from the small bun were framing her face, but I hadn’t expected them to stay pulled back. She barely had enough length to fit in the rubber band. With little bow decorated clips, we managed to make her look like a ballerina. And she’d loved it. I smiled, bringing my focus back to the road. What a great night. I almost hadn’t come, but I wanted to spend time with Ava around the people I worked with. They all loved her and had begged me to attend. It didn’t take much for me to give in.

The light turned yellow ahead and I slowed. Pedestrians were out in the droves, dressed in their costumes, and a large group darted through the crosswalk. Ghosts, witches, and even a little boy about two, who was dressed as a pumpkin. I laughed as he waved and I waved back. Ava had done her trip around the neighborhood before we’d left. It was surprising she’d lasted as long as she had.

Green flashed above and I drove through, going another block before I turned onto my road. Getting to the house took a few minutes due the crowds, but I was finally able to pull in to the driveway. As I got Ava out, I covered her ears, trying to drown out the noise of the laughter and yelling from the kids in the background.

“Trick or treat!”

I moved past my mother, smiling, as she handed out candy. Crying filled Ava’s room as I laid her on the changing table and began to undress her. Curls tightened, bouncing up while I took down her hair and slipped the nightgown over her head. By the time I put her in her crib, she was already asleep again.

“What a day you had,” I whispered. Usually when she woke up, she was wide awake. That clearly wasn’t the case now. “I love you,” I whispered, sliding my finger down her cheek. The small stir had me stopping before I was up for the next for hours with her.

I walked out, easing the door closed. My mother was still handing out candy as I entered the living area.

“Quite the turn out this year again.” I moved in closer, peering out the door as more kids ran up.

“Oh, yeah. It’s been nonstop since you left. We’re about out of candy.” She stuck some in the pumpkins and bags, turning back to me as the kids ran off. “Devlin came by not long after you left. Did he call you?”

My heart jumped as I looked toward my purse. “No. Well, I’m not sure. I have my phone on vibrate.” Shaking took over my hands as I walked over, pulling it out. 5 missed calls.

“Did he say what he wanted?”

My mother turned off the porch light and shut the door, walking over to sit on the sofa. “His company was having a Halloween party. He thought maybe you’d like to go. Said he cancelled on his date at the last minute. Apparently, she was dressed rather inappropriately and he didn’t like it.”

“Oh.” I sat down, cradling my phone. “Did he say anything else?”

“We actually talked for quite some time. He sat with me on the bench and helped hand out candy to the kids.” That all too familiar disapproving face stared back at me. “When are you going to stop this and tell him about his daughter?”

I pushed to my feet, heading for the kitchen to grab a soda. “Soon. I think.”

“I won’t hide it from him if he comes back, Victoria. He has a right to know.”

“Mom, just…” I popped open the can and came back to sit down. “Just give me time. I’ll tell him. I want to make sure he’s changed. You can’t tell me you’d feel comfortable with Ava spending time with a man who drinks a lot. That’s dangerous and we both know it.”

The doorbell rang and I cringed, my gaze jerking in the direction of her room. No crying sounded as I grabbed the bowl from my mother’s lap and headed for the door. Apparently the light being off hadn’t stopped the kids. I plastered a smile to my face and swung the door open. It fell immediately.

“You’re home...kitten.” The way he said it made me want to lean into him, beg him to fuck me again. I quickly pushed it away. Devlin stood there in a suit, not at all dressed up in a costume. I pulled the cat ears from my head, tossing them across the living room.

“What are you doing here?”

“Do I get to come inside?”

I turned, looking at the pictures of me and Ava on the wall. “No. I’ll come out. Hold on.” My mom had one of her eyebrows cocked. “I’ll be outside,” I said, lowly. “Will you?” God, I hated that I couldn’t say, ‘listen for Ava’, but I knew she’d understand what I meant.

“Yeah, go ahead.”

“Thanks.”

Devlin’s palm pressed into my back as I shut the door and walked past him to go sit on the bench.

“My mom mentioned a Halloween party. You didn’t go?”

He sat down next to me. “I went. I just didn’t stay that long. Everyone was there with their families. I felt out of place.”

“Oh.” My head lowered. “How’s that going, anyway? Have you had any luck with the dating thing?” Twisting erupted in my stomach and I breathed through the feeling. I didn’t want to know. Not really.

He leaned forward, resting his forearms on his thighs. “There are three girls I’m interested in so far. One stands out over the others, but I don’t know. We’ll see. Truthfully, I really don’t want to talk about it right now. I’m here for other reasons.”

My eyebrows drew in. “What other reasons?”

Slowly, his head turned to me. “We didn’t use protection. I’m not expecting anything to come out of it, but I have to make sure. Had you given me the opportunity last time, I would have been exactly where I am now, then, too. I always take responsibility for my actions, Victoria.”

Shit. “I’m not due to start for another few days. I’m irregular so sometimes I can be up to a week late.”

“So there’s still time.” He nodded, looking back at the ground. “Okay, I just wanted to make sure. Do you…feel any different?”

I laughed, more as a nervous reaction than anything. It was enough to have him ease back to look at me again. I knew he’d picked up on it. He was too smart not to. “Not at all. I think we’re okay.”

“You sure about that?”

“Positive. Well, as positive as I can be. I feel great.”

The frown came back and he stared off in the distance. “Is it horrible that I’m hoping…?” His hands shot down to the bench and he pushed himself up. “I’ve got to go. I’ll be back in a few days.”

“Wait.” I stood, walking over to him. “I…” The words were right there, but nothing I tried would force them out. “Can you call instead?”

He wouldn’t even look at me as he nodded and headed for his car. My heart raced and I stepped backward toward the door, not able to turn my back on him until he was driving off. “God, help me.” Butterflies scurried through my stomach and I pressed my hand in, trying to stop the fluttering. What was I going to do? I had to tell him about Ava, but how? When?

Before I could stop myself, I rushed inside and grabbed my phone. I hit Devlin’s number, feeling even sicker as he answered.

“Victoria.” There was almost a happy relief in his voice. My gaze glanced to my mother and I turned, walking to my room.

“We need to talk. Not tonight, but maybe…” My mind raced as I tried to remember my next day off. Next week. Wednesday and Friday? Yes. Wednesday was park day with Ava, but… “Will you meet me next Friday night?”

Deep breathing filled my ears and I couldn’t tell if it was his or mine.

“Where?”

“I…don’t know. Sorry, I didn’t plan this.”

The sound of his engine hummed in the background and I prayed he wasn’t coming back. I wasn’t ready to say the words right now. Not with Ava so close.

“I’ll pick you up and we’ll go back to my place.”

And there it was. That dominating tone he was so good at. It wreaked havoc on my body, making me clutch the phone even tighter. But I wasn’t going to argue. Sex wouldn’t be something I’d have to worry about. Not with what we were going to be discussing, and by then I’d be on my period for sure. Hopefully. The thought only made me even more nervous. A double confession? Jesus, I prayed not. “Sounds good. Seven o’clock?”

“I’ll be there.”

Chapter 11

Devlin

High pitched laughter had me gritting my teeth. The softness I had seen in Clarissa tanked after our second date. To say I was wrong was an understatement, and I couldn’t deny I was disappointed by it. She’d had such potential.

Popcorn spilled on my lap as she reached in and brought her hand to her mouth. The comedy she’d chosen at the theater was actually pretty funny, but I couldn’t stop getting distracted by the way she laughed or how she’d blurt out something right in the middle of an important part. I tried to dismiss the doubts, but it was clear things weren’t going to work.

“Did you see that?” Her head spun to me as she pointed toward the screen. “I bet you he doesn’t make it down that ladder without falling.” Not seconds after, she turned back to the screen, her guess had been correct. She burst out laughing and I groaned, picking up my soda. Surely, finding a woman to date shouldn’t be this hard. There was Kindle, who I happened to like, but she obsessively tapped her finger when she took a drink of anything. Not to mention, she had a habit of picking small pieces of lint or dust from my suit. It wasn’t something I couldn’t correct with time, but did I want to even try?

“Oh my God!”

I jumped at Clarissa’s outburst and watched as heads spun in our direction. My hand came to temple as I lowered my head.

At least Georgia was quiet and didn’t have any OCD habits so far. The promise was there, but if there was ever a person that was too quiet, it was her. I had to strain to make out what she was saying and half of the time I questioned myself on whether I should make an appointment to get my hearing checked. Was it her or me?

As I looked over to Clarissa, I almost wished I could tone down her volume a bit. Half of the theater probably wanted the same thing. I sighed, angrier with myself than anything. Who was I kidding? These women weren’t all that bad. They were great in their own ways. I was picking at anything and everything to distance myself from them because of my feelings for Victoria. I wasn’t being fair to them at all.

More popcorn washed over me as her eyes stayed glued to the screen. Vibrating had my hand coming to my inside pocket.

“I gotta take this call,” I said, leaning over. “I’ll be right back.”

“Oh, okay.”

I placed the tub of popcorn in her lap and eased from the seat. The phone buzzed in my hand as I removed it and bound down the steps. Branson.

“Hey,” I said, bursting through the door. The light had me squinting and I rubbed against my lids as I leaned against the wall.

“Hey, we’re headed to the hospital. Jill’s starting to contract again and she’s been downing water like the doctor told her to. Nothing is stopping them. There’s no rush. I’m sure they’ll want to monitor how far apart they are before they admit her, but I wanted to give you a heads up.”

The door swung at my pull and darkness cloaked back over me. “I’m on my way.”

I hung up, pushing the phone back in my pocket. Before I even rounded the corner, Clarissa’s laughter assaulted my ears. Her eyes lifted to mine as I came up and kneeled next to her seat. “I gotta go. You want me to drop you off at home?”

“Well.” She looked back at the screen. “No, that’s okay. I want to finish the movie. I’ll take the bus.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, I only live but a few blocks over, anyway. It’s okay.”

“Great. Here,” I pulled out my wallet, handing her a twenty for fare. “Enjoy and be careful,” I said, standing.

“Thanks.” The smile she flashed made me sad. This was goodbye and I really hoped she found an amazing guy to love her. She really did deserve it.

I stepped back, giving her a small wave. Usually I made our parting sweeter, but I couldn’t force myself to say any more. Not when it would be leading her on. She appeared fine, though. She wasn’t even looking at me anymore. Her focus was solely on the movie. I spun around, bounding down the steps. Clarissa would be okay. She was strong. Independent. Right now, I needed to focus on my friends. Were they okay? How was Branson coping with what his wife was going through?

Worry for Jill had me hurrying and I jogged through the building, not stopping until I reached my car. The hospital was a good fifteen minutes away and factoring in traffic, I’d be lucky to make it there in double the time.

I hit the button on my steering wheel and glanced over as I merged onto the side ride. “Call Victoria.”

Ringing filled the interior and voicemail kicked on. I hung up. Damn. Was she working tonight? I’d gotten the impression from her schedule that she only came in during the day. Of course, she had mentioned covering shifts.

Cars thickened as I got on the freeway, but the pace went steady enough. Before I knew it, I was exiting and heading down the main road that led to the hospital. As I parked and jogged toward the front, Victoria entered my mind again. It had been three days since I’d left her house and I couldn’t help but wonder if she knew anything yet.

Who was I kidding? She would have called if she did. My yearning to be a father wasn’t going to be fulfilled any time soon. First, I needed a wife and even that wasn’t looking promising.

The doors slid open and I jogged to the elevator as the doors began to close. My hand shot out, stopping it just in the nick of time. A young nurse’s head tilted as I stepped inside.

“Sorry about that,” I said, reaching to push level three, but noticing it was already lit up.

“You’re that bachelor guy, Devlin Black, aren’t you?”

I could have groaned. “Yep. That’s me.”

“You having a baby?”

I laughed. “No, my friend and his wife. Well, hopefully not yet, but they’re here.”

“Ah.” She smiled, invitingly, and I ignored it as I faced the door and tried to ignore her. The elevator dinged and I almost rushed forward. I waited as she stepped out first. We kept an even pace as we went down the hall. The moment I rounded the turn, I pulled out my phone, calling Branson.

“I’m here, where are you?” I slowed as I made it closer to the nursery windows.

“We’re in the ER. They have to register her and then we’re headed to triage. You should have held off for a little while. They won’t let you back there. Not until they decide if they’re going to keep her. When she gets a room, then you can head back.”

Shit. Why didn’t he tell me this before? Well, he had said for me to take my time. “It’s cool. I have all night. I’ll just be up here by the nursery.”

“Victoria working?”

I took a deep breath. “I don’t know.” My steps stopped as I peeked through the first window. Time all but slowed as I watched her cradling the baby. Slowly, my hand lowered to my side and I moved in closer. The smile on her face was so loving. It was worth a million of the somewhat fake ones she’d give me. Whatever she was saying made her face light up even more. God, I wanted that. I wanted her, just as she was now. Holding a baby. Holding my baby.

As if gravity pulled her attention, her head rose and our eyes met. And held. I wasn’t sure for how long and I didn’t care. I could have stayed in that moment forever.

Movement to her side pulled her attention away before mine. Dazed, I turned to see a tall, older woman who was now looking at me…surprised? Almost fearful?

Victoria nodded and handed her the baby. As she made her way to the back, I knew she was coming around to the door. To me. I hung up the phone, pushing it back in my pocket. Branson would understand and he was probably too busy anyway. Seconds passing proved me right. The door opened and she stepped out, shutting it behind her.

“Hey.” Her eyebrows drew in confused. “Everything okay?”

How pissed would she get if I pulled her into my arms? Why was I even contemplating it?

“Jill, Branson’s wife is in labor again. She’s down in ER now. I guess I got here too early.”

“Again? How far along is she?”

Far along? Hell, I had no idea. My mind searched for anything they might have said. “She has a few weeks to go. I…”

“It okay,” she laughed. “Depending on her condition, she might be in triage for a while. It’s a full moon. Last I checked, the rooms were filling up pretty fast. Seems like everyone decided to have their baby tonight.”

The smile she held was absolutely stunning. It was nice being able to talk without her rushing to escape me.

“While we’re on the subject of babies. Any news?”

She looked down, but I brought her face back up.

“Victoria?”

Was she tearing up? I leaned my head down, but by the time I got a good look at her face, any hint of emotion was gone.

“Devlin, I really don’t think there’s anything to worry about.”

That didn’t answer my question. “But you don’t know for sure?”

She shook her head. “I was supposed to start today. It’ll probably come tomorrow, but like I said before, I’ve been as long as a week late. With my stress level,” she said, smiling again, “I wouldn’t be surprised if it was two weeks late.”

“Are you stressed?” I cupped her face, but removed it just as fast, knowing she’d understand I wanted her eyes on me. She kept turning, glancing around. She was nervous and that had even more questions rising.

“I have a lot going on right now. Nothing I can’t handle. It just gets hard sometimes. I’m lucky I have my mom. She’s a life saver.”

My hand twitched with the need to reach back up and touch her. “You know you have me. I hope you’d at least think of us as friends. I’m always here if you need anything.”

She took a step back and turned to the glass, peering in. “You really seem like you’re changing. I mean, I didn’t know you before, only what I saw, but it’s almost like you’re an entirely different person.”

“I told you I didn’t like who I’d become. I meant it.”

Her silence had me stepping in behind her. I expected her to flinch when my hands eased to her biceps, but she didn’t move. More so, she leaned back into me. Even if it was just for the smallest fraction in time.

“I should get back to work.” She turned to face me and I stepped back, allowing her room. “Thanks for offering to help, but I’m really okay. I hope everything turns out well with your friend. You said, Jill?”

“Jill Hendricks”

She nodded. “I’ll keep a look out. See you Friday.”

“Thanks.” She grinned and turned, typing in the code. As she disappeared behind the door, I walked over and leaned against the far wall. A few stares were thrown my way from the older woman, but she quickly disappeared through a door, no doubt cutting off Victoria.

Hopefully me showing up hadn’t gotten her in trouble. I doubted it, but I had no idea who the woman was and I couldn’t push away the protective feeling she threw off. It was almost as if she knew who I was. Hell, maybe she did. Everyone else seemed to, especially after my public appearance in that paper.

Footsteps had me glancing over. Branson followed behind a man in scrubs as he wheeled Jill in my direction. I pushed off the wall, taking in their worried expressions.

“How we doing?” My question was directed at her, but all she did was close her eyes and breathe in and out deeply. I walked closer, feeling panic set in. “Is she alright?”

Branson threw me a look that spoke volumes. The fear I was experiencing didn’t even compare and I had no idea what to do. He slowed, leaning in. “The contractions are getting stronger, I’m not sure they’re going to be able to stop them this time.”

“What does that mean? She can’t have the baby yet. You said it was too early.”

“Yeah. It is. But not by much. Still…”

The double doors swung open and I stopped at them, knowing I couldn’t go.

“I’ll keep you updated. You should go home and get some rest,” Branson said, pausing just inside. “It’s going to be a long night.”

Chapter 12

Victoria

Two more days until my big meeting with Devlin and I couldn’t stop the growing anxiety. How would he take the news? Would he kick me out of his place and tell me to never show my face around him again? Take my daughter away from me? God, I felt sick. The closer to the date, the more unsettled my world became. I found myself tripping over my own feet. There were times I was left standing like an idiot because I couldn’t remember why I walked into a room. My mind was a giant blob of mush and it didn’t help that my period still hadn’t come. It had to be the stress. Lord knew I had enough of it.

“Yay, you did it!” I clapped as I helped Ava off the slide. The ringlets bounced as she lifted her arms and stepped in place repeatedly. “You want to go down again? Okay.” I picked her up, placing her at the top of the five foot slide. My hands stayed under her arms as she slid down. The moment I placed her on her feet, I started clapping again and she joined in.

“Good girl. Let’s go swing.”

A squeal came from her mouth, although I wasn’t sure she knew what I meant. The fast paced walk she started had me laughing. With the overalls and the pink long sleeved shirt, she looked too cute. Especially with the matching bow that held her bangs out of her face.

“Ma ma ma.” Her soft words were carried away as the wind blew. Although it was cool, it wasn’t overly so. And the sky was clear, so the threat of rain wasn’t there. It was a perfect day and I was so glad it wouldn’t be hindered by the weather. Ava and I could spend the morning here and then grab lunch before we headed home.

“Up you go.” I lifted her into the protective swing and placed her legs through as she gripped to the chains. The pace I kept was slow, steady.

My mind began to roam and I glanced around the area, taking in the joggers and people playing with their dogs in the open field.

Could I really leave this place? I’d been to San Francisco a handful of times and thought it was nice, but did I want to live there? Uproot Ava and put my house on the market? True, I was about to tell Devlin, but I still didn’t think it would be a good idea to be so close to him. He kept popping up at my house and my job. It would continue until he decided to call it quits. Whether it would be because he found another woman, or just because he lost his weird interest in me, didn’t matter. Either one would be worse than cutting ties and leaving. At least then I would know it had been my decision.

A giggle came from Ava as I leaned toward her. The swing took her further away and as she neared, I lowered again.

“Boo.”

The laughter grew louder and I couldn’t help but join her. A few more times and we were both trying to catch our breath.

“What do you say we just run around for a while?” I took her out, placing her down to go whatever direction she wanted. Her head faced the left and then the right. Both took her out of the park area. I waited patiently while she took a few steps and studied the surroundings. “You don’t have to walk around if you don’t want to. Here.” I picked her up, walking back to the bench where her diaper bag was. “Are you thirsty?”

She reached for the bottle the moment she caught sight of it. I leaned back, holding her in my arms as she began to drink. With how big she was getting, it wouldn’t be long before I couldn’t hold her like a baby. She was already starting to get squirmy if she was held for too long.

The wind blew back my hair as I watched a couple bring their three kids into the park area. One wasn’t much older than Ava, but the other two were at least in pre-school. As the older two ran off, the small boy stayed at his parent’s feet. I smiled as the father bent down, trying to coax the boy to go play. It didn’t work.

“Look at that, Ava, he’s like you. You stay at my feet sometimes.”

The suction broke from her mouth and she stared up, smiling. Her soft sounds filled the air and I couldn’t help but encourage her to talk more. She was so quiet most of the time. So reserved for such a small child. Just like Devlin. I stared deep into her blue eyes, seeing him. It was in their shape. The color. She favored him more than me. It was so obvious and it hurt my heart. If I couldn’t have him, at least I got to see him in her.

“That’s right. You’re such a good baby.”

She went back to drinking the bottle and I mindlessly went back to watching the kids play on the playground. Pressure pushed against my throat and I blink hard, swallowing. I reached over, grabbing my water, trying to chug it down so I wouldn’t be sick. Pounding erupted in my chest and I breathed out heavily.

What the hell had that been? My stomach turned and I closed my eyes trying to calm the nausea.

“No, no, no,” I whispered. It was nerves. It had to be. Or maybe my cycle was starting to kick in. I’d felt sick before. Hadn’t I?

I opened my eyes and froze. Stopped on the jogging path was none other than the one person who’d turned my world upside down since the day I’d met him. His hair was wet with sweat, leaving long strands falling over his forehead. He was beauty and beast warped into one pissed off male.

I grabbed the strap to the diaper bag and slid it over my shoulder, but it didn’t matter. He was already stalking in my direction, rage on his face like I’d never seen.

God, this was it. There was no more hiding. No more lying. I was caught in the web I wove and the wrath of Devlin Black was growing closer by the minute. My worst nightmare was playing out before my very eyes and there was nowhere left for me to run.

To be continued…

About the Author

Alaska is an erotic BDSM author who also goes by the pen names Jennifer Salaiz and Jenny May. She lives in the SF Bay area...for now. She's a dreamer, and longs for the day when her husband and kids can load up in the car and drive until their hearts’ content. Adventure and discovering new places play a huge role in Alaska's life. It drives her, and feeds the creativity of coming up with new locations for her stories.

Within the last two years, Alaska and her family have drove across the country twice, and also drove the distance from Texas to California three times. Asked, if she could choose one place to permanently settle down, where it would be, Alaska laughed. "Montana, today. Tomorrow, it may be Alaska, again. I go back and forth."

When Alaska’s not dreaming of spontaneously hitting the road to find a new place to write about, she's being a mother and wife. If you're looking to connect with her to learn more, feel free to email her at alaska_angelini@yahoo.com, or find her on Facebook. You can also stop by her website jennymayauthor.com.

Want more Devlin Black?

Coming Soon!

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Alaska’s music playlist while writing the Devlin Black series

The Scientist by Coldplay

Fix You by Coldplay

Trouble by Coldplay

Where I Stood by Missy Higgins

Stay by Shaun Reynolds feat. Laura Pringle

This Years Love by David Gray

Hide and Seek by Imogen Heap

The Story by Brandi Carlile