PEACEFUL SEAS

Book 8 The San Capistrano Series

by

Angelique Jurd

COPYRIGHT

Peaceful Seas (Book 8 – The San Capistrano Series) Copyright © 2022 by Angelique Jurd. All Rights Reserved.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing from the author. The only exception is by a reviewer, who may quote short excerpts in a review.

Cover designed by May Dawney Designs

Edited by Penny Tsallos, Penny Tsallos Editing and Proofreading

Senstivity Reader: Jamie Sands

Research Assistance: Meg Pinho

This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Angelique Jurd

Visit my website at www.angeliquejurd.com

Printed in the United States of America

Published by

Angelique Jurd Media

(formerly Small Black Cat Media)

©2022

Table of Contents

Title Page

Copyright Page

Peaceful Seas (The San Capistrano Series, #8)

Before we begin... a quick word...

Before we begin... a quick word...

1 - Alex

2 - Ben

3 - Alex

4 - Ben

5 - Alex

6 - Ben

7 - Alex

8 - Ben

9 - Alex

10 - Ben

11 - Interlude

12 - Alex

13 - Ben

14 - Alex

15 - Ben

16 - Alex

17 - Ben

18 – Alex

19 - Ben

20 - Alex

21 - Ben

22 - Alex

23 - Interlude

24 - Ben

25 - Alex

26 - Ben

27 – Alex

28 - Ben

29 - Alex

THANKS

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DEDICATION

Peaceful Seas is dedicated to

Oscar and Marco who crossed the Rainbow Bridge while it was being written

and

to Tom and Penny - the humans who love and miss them

and

without whom this book would not be here.

Before we begin... a quick word...

1 - Alex

2 - Ben

3 - Alex

4 - Ben

5 - Alex

6 - Ben

7 - Alex

8 - Ben

9 - Alex

10 - Ben

11 - Interlude

12 - Alex

13 - Ben

14 - Alex

15 - Ben

16 - Alex

17 - Ben

18 – Alex

19 - Ben

20 - Alex

21 - Ben

22 - Alex

23 - Interlude

24 - Ben

25 - Alex

26 - Ben

27 – Alex

28 - Ben

29 - Alex

THANKS

Before we begin... a quick word...

It’s been a while since we visited Ben and Alex in San Cap, so I thought a little recap was in order. You may or may not remember that in Blazing Sands, Ben and Alex’s home burned down, Jamie and Leo broke up, Jamie and Leo got back together, and Ally was having some bullying problems. Peaceful Seas picks up in the few days following the end of Blazing Sands.

Also... it turns out that the seas are not quite as peaceful as we’d hoped....

Ready? Then let’s do this.

Angelique

May 20, 2022

1 - Alex

“We have a problem.”

Alex puts his book down. “When you say we, do you mean we, as in you and I? Or do you mean I need a new crepe pan?”

“You know,” Ben leans back and turns the bathroom light off, “smart ass isn’t a good look on you.”

“You love my ass. Besides, it’s a valid question. What’s wrong?”

Alex watches, head tilted to one side, as Ben picks his way through the pile of boxes of baby furniture they need to put together tomorrow. Takes in his pallor, and the bruise-purple smudges beneath his eyes.

Ben climbs into bed. “I called an arborist today to come and look at that tree that’s been driving you nuts.”

The old oak that he’d loved when they’d first looked at the property has become a source of annoyance. Leaves clog the guttering, and a squirrel appears to have moved in, much to the girls’ delight and Bart’s excitement. They’ve taken to keeping the drapes on that side of the house shut just to stop Bart barking so much.

That’s not the worst, though.

“Lulu has been eying it up and asking how high I think it is. I’m pretty sure she’s planning a test climb to find the squirrel.”

Ben looks startled. “Well, the only day he can come and look at it is next Thursday, and we’ll be in the city.”

Alex thinks this through for a moment, then shrugs. “So? Leo’s coming to house-sit. If he doesn’t have a class, I’m sure he’d be happy to be here. All he has to do is be here to meet him.”

Leo has had more luck convincing Jamie of his commitment to their relationship than he has Ben. Alex suspects Jamie is secretly enjoying this since he’s benefiting in the form of attention from both Ben and Leo, as well as random gifts from Leo.

Ben squints at him and shakes his head slowly as if he had expected no other response from him.

“You have to forgive him eventually.”

“Because?”

“Because you love your son more than you love making a point.” He kisses Ben’s cheek. “Or at least you should. And if he can’t do it, maybe we could ask Fiona. Was that the problem, or have you invented something else?”

“I haven’t invented anything.”

Alex fights a smile at the petulance in Ben’s voice. Finally, Ben sighs and continues.

“Don’t you have your finals soon?”

“Ben-” He knows where this is going, but Ben cuts him off.

“No, don’t take that tone. They’re important. You need to be able to study for them. You’ve worked too fucking hard to just let them slide.”

“I’m not-”

“And we haven’t heard back from the day care center yet about whether they have a space for the baby either.”

“Actually...”

“Ergo, we have a problem. More than one, actually.” Ben reaches for his iPad. Once he has it, he looks at Alex over his glasses. “Any ideas, Einstein?”

Alex closes his eyes, breathes deeply, then takes the iPad from him. Places it on his own nightstand.

“Breathe,” he says quietly. “You’re going to give yourself another heart attack. Yes, finals are coming up, but I’m prepared. I’m not worried about them.” It’s the truth. Exams have never especially bothered him, and this time is no different. Running his tongue over his lower lip, he searches for what he wants to say. “And if you stopped and let me get a word in, you would know that the day care called today, and they’re all ready to go when we are.” He turns a little so he can look into Ben’s eyes. “So, counselor, want to tell me what the real problem is?”

He expects Ben to argue, but all he does is lean back against the headboard with a sigh and shut his eyes. After a moment’s hesitation, Alex leans over him to place the iPad back on Ben’s nightstand, shuffles around, and straddles Ben’s lap.

Ben lifts one eyelid. “Need something?”

“Yes, for you to tell me what’s bugging you.”

“Nothing.” He places his hands on Alex’s hips. “Everything.”

“Yeah, I can see why they wanted you as a partner.” Alex brushes his fingers over the fine hair on Ben’s forearms. “I’m meant to be the neurotic one, remember?”

“Just figured I should take a turn.” Ben slides his hands around to cup Alex’s ass. Squeezes gently. “I guess I’m worried. After everything that’s happened over the past few months, I just... I don’t know.”

Alex leans forward to kiss him. “I get it. I do. But do you think maybe you could stop trying to paint the kitchen?”

Ben glares at him. “Climb on one ladder once, and everyone flips out.”

“Uh huh.” Alex takes his hand. Runs his thumb over the warm skin. “Look, I’m not asking you to stop working or anything like that. Just maybe dial it back a little - they’re going to understand. Especially with a new baby. They came to you, remember? You have nothing to prove to them and certainly not to me. Try to get home for dinner with the kids a couple of times a week. Don’t bury yourself in work so much at the weekend. Let people help with stuff.”

“Enjoying yourself with all this bossiness?” Ben cocks his head, and Alex steals a kiss.

“Not really,” he says. “But I’m not kidding. I really am worried about your heart.”

“Unless you’re planning to dump me, my heart is fine.” Ben grins at the light tap Alex deals to his thigh. “Fine, I take your point. I’ll ease up a bit.” He leans forward and rests his head against Alex’s shoulder with a sigh. A few seconds later, he huffs a laugh. “You called Matt about the furniture, didn’t you?”

Alex frowns. “Yeah, they’ll be here around ten-thirty Saturday. How did you know?”

“Lucky guess.”

“They’re bringing brownies if that helps.” He studies Ben for a moment. “You mind?”

“When your brother’s bringing brownies? Fuck no. Kind of relieved, actually.”

“I did get the impression you weren’t looking forward to it.”

“I just don’t get what’s so appealing about putting furniture together. I get that some people enjoy making this stuff, but I am definitely not one of them. You and he can take care of it, and I’ll do something useful like paint or sand or make margaritas. I’m sorry I worried you, though.” He squeezes Alex’s ass again. “But that doesn’t change the fact that you have finals coming and we are about to have a baby in the house.”

They’d been so organized with the girls, Alex thinks, even if, at the time, they’d not felt that way. He rests his hands on Ben’s shoulders and grinds against him, pleased with the sharp intake of breath the movement provokes.

“What do you think about maybe getting a nanny?”

Ben’s face lights up, a bright smile melting some of the fatigue. “Really? I didn’t think you’d go for it, so I didn’t suggest it.”

Alex considers this for a moment. “When we had the girls, things were different. I could juggle hours at the clinics. We had Polly. You had your office at home. This time we have so much happening with the kids and work and the house. We’re going to need help.”

“Well, I’ll be damned. You do know how to be reasonable.” Ben kisses the side of Alex’s mouth, silencing his protest. “I’ll make inquiries tomorrow.”

“Or...” Alex places his hands on Ben’s shoulders. “Just hear me out - I could do it since I’m not the one due in court this week to present summations. I can make a shortlist and then we can choose together.”

“Deal.” Ben takes his glasses off and puts them on the nightstand. Looks up at Alex with a sleepy smile. “I love you. And your ass.”

“Huh! Who knew?” Alex grinds against him again.

“You keep doing that, baby, and I’m going to start thinking you want me to take those pajamas off you.”

With a slow, deliberate movement, Alex flicks at Ben’s left nipple.

“Big words. How do I know you can deliver on them?” Green eyes darken and warm hands slip beneath the fabric of his pajama pants. Fingertips brush against his crease and he catches his breath.

“How about now?” Ben asks. “Something like this convince you?”

“Yeah. That works.”

2 - Ben

Ben sits down at the table, shuts his eyes, and sighs. Thank God for Matt, his toolbox, and that enormous plate of brownies.

The furniture has been assembled - swiftly and correctly - and the only thing left to do is go into the village tomorrow and buy clothes and diapers.

When Thursday comes, they’ll be ready.

A shadow falls over him and he opens his eyes as Alex leans down to kiss him.

From the other side of the table, Ally squeals a protest.

“Dads! No smushy cr... uh... crud.” Her cheeks tinge pink at the near slip.

“Nice save there, monster.” Alex kisses him once more and takes his seat.

“There should be a rule,” she pushes her glasses up with her index finger, “that there's no smushy crud at the table.”

“Yeah,” Lucy agrees. “A rule. No smushy crud at the table, so we don’t barf. Uncle Matt and Aunt Claire don’t get smushy.”

Ben snorts laughter and wonders when she started parroting her sister. Another thing he’s missed with the late nights, he supposes.

“What about Jamie and Leo?” Claire asks. She hands Ben a plate carrying a generous chunk of brownie topped with a whirl of whipped cream. He snatches a fork from a pile in the center of the table and stabs the sweet before Alex notices it. After that lecture about his health earlier in the week, Ben wouldn’t put it past him to take it away.

“I think there definitely should be a rule to stop them being smushy,” he mutters.

If either Jamie or Leo has heard him, they give no sign. Alex, however, taps Ben’s ankle with his foot and shakes his head.

“Behave.” He looks pointedly at the plate of brownies.

Ben decides silence is his best option and takes a slow, deliberate forkful of dessert.

“What time do you think you’ll arrive on Thursday?” Matt tugs at Ally’s pigtail as he takes his seat. “Aunt Claire and I need to get all our smushy crud done.”

“Uncle Matt!”

“We’ll leave right after breakfast, so hopefully by lunch,” Alex says. “Just depends on how hard it is to get everyone in the car.”

Ben lets the conversation whirl around him, only half listening. It’s been a busy morning, and he longs to give in to the drowsiness trying to take him. They need to be at the hospital by two on Thursday and will have to drop the kids off with Matt and Claire first. They really should go the night before, but he’ll be in court most of the day and has a board meeting that doesn’t even start until six.

Leo, already charged with taking care of the house and Bart while they’re away, has assured them he’ll come early and meet the arborist. At this rate, Ben thinks he will have to cut the kid some slack after all, even though he still wants to kick his ass.

“Ben?” Alex nudges him.

“Huh?”

“The girls want to go over to the house and take Bart for a walk.”

Ben nods. Puts his now empty plate on the table and picks up his glass. Work started two days ago on clearing the land to prepare for the rebuild; it’s unlikely there’ll be much to see.

“How about we let Uncle Matt and Aunt Claire finish their lunch first. Go and find your jackets while you wait.”

He watches them run indoors, arguing as they go. Who will get there first? Who can run the fastest? Who is too slow to even run? From the corner of his eye, he sees Alex wince when the door slams behind them.

He rubs his eyes; he needs to look at his case later tonight or first thing tomorrow. Probably when they get back from the shopping expedition tomorrow, too. Guilt pricks at him, little jabs under his skin that are impossible to ignore. Thankfully, he doesn’t have to actually present the summations, but he needs to be there to supervise the associate who will be presenting. The kid isn’t long out of law school and has only tried two other cases. Neither involved taking the lead.

Apart from the case, he also has to prepare for that damned board meeting. That will be another night home after the kids are in bed.

“Hey,” Alex nudges him. “We can take the kids if you want, and you could have a nap.”

Or he could get some work done. Another stab of guilt.

He shakes his head. “I’m fine. Some fresh air will do us all good.”

***

Why are there so many damned plates to wash when they'd had pizza for dinner? In Ben’s opinion, the whole idea of takeout after a day with family and a long walk on the beach, is to avoid having to deal with dishes. Muttering to himself about how they’re clearly doing takeout wrong, he puts the last plate in the dishwasher and sets it to run. Wipes the counter down with a cloth he then tosses in the laundry.

Now, where did Alex hide those damned brownies?

Drying his hands on the back of his jeans, he surveys the kitchen. Where the hell are they going to put a highchair? What made them choose such a massive table with so little space? He has a vague memory of Alex asking that very question when they’d been looking at furniture, but hey, Alex had agreed to it, so he’s as much to blame as Ben is.

Right?

Jamie and Leo tumble through from the living room, interrupting the thought. Hand in hand, they’re laughing at something only they understand. Their good humor is infectious though, and for a moment he forgets that he’s still pissed at Leo and grins.

“What are you two doing tonight?” he asks.

They’re wearing matching faded jeans and lace-up boots with rainbows on the outer ankle. Jamie is currently growing his usually short hair out, and the bright pink strands are starting to curl over the collar of his latest purple Hello Kitty t-shirt. Over the top, he has pink suspenders with gold snaps.

Leo has opted for a button-down in the same shade of purple with a bow tie that Ben sees also has the familiar white cat logo on it.

It’s hard to be annoyed with someone wearing a Hello Kitty bowtie. Damn it.

“There's an exhibition at the art gallery and then we might grab a drink somewhere.” Jamie winds his arms around Leo's waist and rests his head against his shoulder.

“By which you mean a milkshake at The Burger Shack, right?” Alex appears behind them with an armful of clothes and damp towels. He ignores Jamie's groan and looks at Ben over the pile with a grin. “Girls are waiting for you. And Lulu's asking for The Lorax.”

Ben sighs. Of course she is. He’d been pleased when Green Eggs and Ham had fallen off the reading list but has since discovered there are worse options. Not even reading them The Hobbit has broken Lucy’s obsession with the damned thing.

As if reading his mind, Alex calls from the laundry room. “Ally says she wants to hear it too.” He leans around the door. “She's already in Lulu's room waiting.”

“I feel your pain, Dad.” Jamie claps him on the shoulder. “See you later.”

“Smart ass.” He studies Leo intently. “Drive carefully. No beer. No funny-”

“Dad!” Jamie tiptoes and kisses his cheek. “Enough. Be nice.”

“I am being nice.”

“Uh huh.” Jamie grabs his jacket from the hook; leans into the laundry room. “We won’t be late. Love you.”

“Love you back.” Alex's reply is muffled by whatever he's doing. “Be safe.”

Jamie takes Leo’s outstretched hand, shakes his head one last time in Ben’s direction, and follows him out the door.

“Don’t drink and drive,” Ben calls.

“Will you stop fussing and go read your daughters a bedtime story?” Alex opens the dishwasher and adds a glass that Ben had somehow missed. “I happen to know there are some leftover brownies and wine.”

“Did you go to art exhibitions when you were eighteen?” Ben asks, his hand on the kitchen door.

Alex snorts. “I didn’t go anywhere when I was eighteen, remember? Also, do I need to remind you that this is going to be the last Saturday night in a while that we will not have a baby in the house? So, unless you want me to make some chamomile tea and find my book, I suggest you go upstairs and channel your inner Lorax.”

3 - Alex

Alex places the tray on the coffee table and sits with a sigh of relief.

He shuts his eyes and, in his mind, sees the house. Not this one. Allie’s house. Their house. Sees it as it had been. Warm and welcoming. The bright flash of yellow café curtains in the kitchen windows; the wide windows edged with gray of their bedroom. The courtyard where they’d been married. Where the girls had taken their first steps. Where Jamie had joined their family.

They’d parked the cars in the driveway and picked their way down what remains of the pathway to the sand. Ally’s hand had tightened in his own as they’d passed the cobbles, charred and cracked, that have yet to be removed.

Halfway down the path, Ben had found a shard of bright red glass. It’s in the jar on his desk now with the other pieces they’ve found. The remains of the glorious stained glass window from what had been his office.

The image of scorched land, edged and crisscrossed with neon construction tape that flutters in the wind, pushes the memory away. A bright yellow dozer waits in the center in readiness for Monday.

According to the architect, the construction manager, and Ben, it will be at least nine months until the house will be ready for them to move in. That is, of course, assuming nothing goes wrong in the meantime.

It’s going to be hardest on Ben and Ally, he knows. Neither is blessed with patience, and both have taken to using the phrase ‘when we get home’ so often it’s beginning to worry him. The purple smudges beneath Ben’s eyes grow darker every day, and Alex worries that it’s more than just fatigue. Long days are not new to him, but it’s been a long time since he had so many and so often.

Meanwhile, Ally is becoming more and more studious and silent, curling over her homework or her favorite books with seemingly furious intent. The cheeky, precocious girl she had been before - before his mother, before Ben’s heart attack, before the fire - seems to have vanished.

Alex hopes that when they’re able to move back home - great, now he’s doing it – she might return.

A loud thud from upstairs drags his attention from Ally’s silence.

“I’m fine,” Ben calls. “Everyone’s fine.”

His words are followed by shrieks of laughter from Lucy and Ally. Bart joins in with a volley of barks. If Ben isn’t careful, Lulu at least will be awake for another hour or two, demanding endless glasses of water and for more stories to be read. Alex knows exactly who will be delivering them too and calls out that it’s time to settle down. The laughter comes to an abrupt halt.

Starts up again.

Smiling at the sound, he drops his head back against the couch. Finals are in exactly three weeks, then they need to prepare for Thanksgiving - with a new baby no less - and two weeks after that, there’s an orientation event at the college campus.

God, please let everything go okay.

Things that still need to be done before Thursday push thoughts of the house and impending exams from his head. As well as helping build the crib, the changing table, and a set of drawers, Matt and Claire had brought them a new stroller. Tomorrow they’ll pick up mobiles, diapers, and clothes. Damn it; he needs to make a list.

Cocking his head for more sounds from upstairs, he digs his phone out of his pocket and brings up the To Do app. Bottles, sterilizer, pacifiers, monitors. An echo of Polly and Allie laughing at him makes him smile.

He shuts his eyes again.

“What are you smiling at?”

Ben’s voice, soft and unexpected, in his ear, makes him jump.

“Baby monitors.” He doesn’t open his eyes. Enjoys the soft breath against his neck.

“Baby monitors? What’s so... oh... yeah...” Ben chuckles. “We can always put one in Jamie’s room if you’re feeling really nostalgic.”

Alex wrinkles his nose at the thought. “I’m just going to pretend you didn’t say that.” He sits up and looks at his screen again. “I’m making a list of what we need to pick up tomorrow.”

“Of course you are. Control freak.” Ben passes him a glass of wine and holds up the plate of brownies; he takes one. “I can tell you what we don’t need. Any more Doctor fucking Seuss books.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” He sighs. “Do you think Ally’s okay?”

“Why?” Ben asks through a shower of brownie crumbs. He brushes them from Alex’s shirt sleeve with an apologetic smile. “Sorry. What do you mean?”

“She just seems so quiet lately. I mean, I know why, but I’m just worried that with everything that’s happened and now the baby... I don’t know; she’s still not her usual self.”

Ben kisses him. “I don’t think any of us are our usual selves after the past few months.”

“I know, but -”

“But you like to worry - and that’s fine, baby. But we’ve talked about this. It’s going to take time - you said that yourself. So... you’re the nurse; what does your professional gut say?”

Alex swirls the wine in his glass. Purses his lips.

“I know. Monitor things and if we see anything really concerning, take her to see someone.”

Ben traces a line down Alex's arm with the back of his hand.

“Sounds like a solid plan to me. Now, tell me what's on your list.”

Alex twists around so they're facing each other. Sips his wine.

“Pretty much everything. Bottles, diapers, diaper bag, clothes, mobiles, a sterilizer.” He shakes his head as he tries to calculate shopping time with and without the kids. With and without Ben.

“Monitors.” Ben waggles his eyebrows and smirks.

“Shut up. I wonder if it would be quicker if-”

“If you went on your own? Probably, but I don't see why you should do it all yourself.” He pulls Alex's feet onto his lap. “Besides, I think it would be good for us to do it together.”

“I guess.” Alex leans back, glass cupped in his right hand. “I'd forgotten how much stuff you have to have when they first come home.”

“And I guarantee that half of what we get, we won't need, and we won't have near enough of anything else.”

“Probably.” He takes a mouthful of wine and puts the glass down on the coffee table. Smiling, he sits up again and cups Ben's face. He hasn't shaved today and the scratch of stubble against his palm sends a small shiver up Alex's back. “You're a good man, Ben Larsen.”

Ben smiles and ducks his head, pressing his cheek into Alex’s palm. “You think so?”

“I know so.”

“Any particular reason?”

“Not really; you just are. It’s why I love you so much.”

“Love me enough to come upstairs with me?”

Apparently so.

4 - Ben

A peek in each girl’s room confirms they’re both asleep. By the time Ben pulls their bedroom door shut behind him, Bart is also asleep, curled in his basket, tail over his nose. Alex leans against the bathroom door, red tartan sleep pants riding low on his hips as he brushes his teeth.

“Sexy,” Ben deadpans. How in the hell did he get into his pajamas so fast? “That whole foaming at the mouth thing, really hot.”

Alex raises his middle finger and mumbles something Ben doesn’t need to hear clearly to understand.

“Maybe, but I’m hot and you love me.”

Alex disappears back into the bathroom, and Ben follows him. Reaches for his own toothbrush while Alex rinses his mouth.

“You are and I do.” Alex plants a wet kiss on the back of Ben’s neck. “Hurry up.”

“Someone’s impatient.” He puts the brush in his mouth and thumbs the button.

Once he’s finished, he rinses, pats his mouth dry, and inspects his reflection in the mirror. He scrubs his hand over his stubbled chin and wonders, not for the first time, if he should let his beard grow in.

“Are you going to admire yourself all evening, or are you coming to bed?”

Ben raises his gaze from the reflection of his chin to that of Alex leaning against the doorway again. “What do you think about me growing a beard?”

Alex cocks his head to one side the way he always does when he’s paying serious consideration to something. “A short one, maybe. Mind if I ask why you want to grow a beard all of a sudden?”

“Make me look distinguished? More appealing to the older matrons.”

“You’re a criminal lawyer. How many older matrons do you get?” Alex holds an arm out, and Ben leans against his chest with a happy sigh.

“Why? Are you jealous?”

“Of an older matron who needs a criminal lawyer? I don’t think so. Let me know if some rich drag queen hires you, and I’ll consider it.”

“Only consider it?” He reaches back to turn off the bathroom light.

“Well, if he’s hiring you, he’s been accused of something terrible, and even if you win, you’ll have found all the skeletons in his closet. By then, I’ll look pretty good and you’ll come racing home.”

“First up, when I win his case, not if. I’m good, baby. Second,” he lifts up on his toes and kisses him, “you look good all the time.”

“You’re short, you know that?”

“I’m six-one,” he protests. “That’s not short. You’re just... just...”

“Taller than you?” Amusement glimmers in Alex’s hazel eyes.

Trying to keep his own laughter low to not wake the girls, Ben pushes him down onto the bed and straddles him. When was the last time they were able to take the time to flirt and laugh like this? When was the last time he’d noticed the gold flecks in Alex’s hazel eyes or the soft stubble along his jawline?

The solid feel of Alex’s thigh’s beneath his own.

He buries his face in the hollow of Alex's shoulder and breathes in the warm smell of his skin and the faint, fading scent of soap. Scraping his teeth over the spot draws a low groan from Alex that sends a shiver through him. Arousal surges through him; he sits back on his heels, grips the hem of his t-shirt, and pulls it over his head. The cool air pebbles his skin and hardens his nipples.

Alex's eyes darken; he reaches up and traces the scar on his chest. He does it whenever they’re like this. Does it, Ben knows, to reassure Ben that he still loves him, still wants him, but Ben suspects he also does it to reassure himself. He traps the hand and lifts it to his mouth. Turns it over. Sucks gently at Alex's own scar on the inside of his wrist.

He moves to take off his glasses, but Alex stops him with a firm touch and a shake of his head. “Leave them on.”

Blood rushes into Alex's cheeks, staining them scarlet; Ben’s smirk gives way to a grin. This is new and interesting. He raises an eyebrow.

“They're really hot.” Looking more like the twenty-eight-year-old Ben had met at a concert than the man in his early forties that he is, Alex turns his face away.

Amused by the reaction - maybe it’s the new frames - Ben does as he's bid and leaves them in place. Places his forearms on either side of Alex's head and rests on them. For a moment, he doesn't move. Simply takes in this view of his husband, this view that is his alone - his eyelids heavy with need, his breath coming in short, urgent gasps.

Beneath him, he can feel the hot, hard length of Alex’s erection through the fabric of his sleep pants.

Ben tugs a strand of chestnut hair, just enough to get a quiet grunt that is only part disapproval.

“B-” Alex begins, but he cuts him off with a firm kiss. Flicks his tongue across his lips until he’s granted entry. Their tongues slide together, and the kiss deepens, becomes desperate.

Ignoring Alex’s whine of protest, Ben breaks the kiss and stands. Wriggles free of his jeans and briefs. Stretched out on the bed, Alex kicks off the hated pajamas. Ben lets his gaze wander, slowly, deliberately, over the length of his body. Strokes his own cock for a moment, then straddles Alex, leaning forward to rest his hands on either side of his face again.

After a moment, he sits back on his heels, grasps Alex’s thighs, and drags him closer. The muscles, taut and toned from running, flex under his touch. He takes a ragged breath and clutches at the headboard to steady himself.

He lowers his mouth to Alex’s nipple and sucks it to a peak. Scrapes his teeth over it. The noise in Alex’s throat could be an objection, but Ben knows better. He repeats the action on the other nipple and is rewarded with a frantic thrust. Alex’s cock slides against his own, dragging a low curse from him.

Ben works his hand between them to curl his fingers around their cocks. Squeezes them together.

Alex gasps for air and claws at the sheet. Lifts his shoulders from the bed and looks down at their bodies to where they’re joined by Ben’s hand.

Fuck, that’s hot.

Ben tightens his grip and is rewarded with a low moan. He follows Alex’s gaze as he uses his hand as a sheath to stroke them together.

Pre-cum pearls in the slit of Alex’s cock, then trickles down the head.

“Fuck.” Ben lets go to swipe his finger over Alex’s cockhead and smooth pre-cum down his shaft like lube. Mirrors the action by rubbing his thumb over himself. “You feel really good, baby.”

For a moment, the only sound is their panting and the soft, slick sound of his hand working them together. Alex pushes himself up higher on his elbows, raises his eyes to meet Ben’s, and rocks his hips upward into Ben’s grip.

“Fuck. Do that again,” Ben orders. The movement of his hand speeds up, only to falter when Alex’s cock rubs against his. “Fuck, baby...”

The words trail off. Alex’s eyes blaze and he repeats the movement once more. A familiar electricity zings through Ben and he tries to push it back. Wants to enjoy this for a little longer.

Alex, it seems, has other ideas. He closes his hand over Ben’s and jerks his hips up again. The movement forces their cocks through the warm hot vice of Ben’s hand and pulls a desperate groan from him.

“Oh, fuck, I’m g ...”

His orgasm bursts from him in a series of hot spurts that land on Alex’s belly. Seconds later, teeth sunk into his bottom lip, Alex follows with a silent shudder.

When, finally, he’s able to catch his breath, Ben stands, finds his discarded t-shirt, and cleans the cum from Alex’s skin. Scoops up the rest of their clothes and takes them to the bathroom.

Alex is already under the comforter when he returns, one arm thrown over his eyes. Ben puts his glasses on the nightstand and lifts the covers up. Gets into bed and shimmies over to rest his head on Alex’s chest. He smiles at the feel of warm skin against his own.

“Did you know you’ve forgotten your pajamas?”

“I’m happy to get up and find them if it bothers you.”

Already drifting toward sleep, Ben smiles. Brushes his lips over warm skin.

“Nope. I’m good.”

5 - Alex

“Daddy, can we buy this for the baby?” Lucy yells from halfway down the aisle.

Alex looks up from the car seat he’s examining with a frown.

“Lulu, inside voice,” he scolds half-heartedly, knowing the reprimand is next to useless and will be forgotten in seconds. “And no, I don’t think the baby needs a polka dot elephant.”

“He might.” She lowers her voice and brings him a bright yellow and purple polka dot plush elephant. “I could look after it for him until he’s bigger.”

Alex shakes his head. “Nice try, baby girl, but you don’t need a polka dot elephant either.”

“But I told you, it’s not for me. I’ll just look after it for the baby. When he’s big enough to play with it, I’ll give it to him.”

“I see. Well, that’s a very kind thought, sweetheart, but the answer is still no. Put the elephant back.”

“But, Da-”

“Daddy said no, Lulubug.” Ben approaches, a bottle sterilizer under one arm and a box of diapers under the other. He puts them both in Alex’s cart with a sigh of relief.  “Go and put the elephant back and look for something smaller.”

Muttering under her breath about her fathers’ lack of fairness and their apparent inability to tell a quality plushie investment when they see it, she stomps back to the toy display.

“Thank you.” Alex picks up the car seat he’s been looking at and adds it to the cart. “Who knew car seats could change so much in five years?”

“Wait until you see the sterilizer. It has a USB connection’ so you can plug it into your computer.”

Alex blinks, considers this information then decides he can wait to find out why he would want to do that. A quick glance at his phone tells him they just need a bumper pad and linen for the crib, and they’ll be done. Ally and Lucy both need shoes and jeans, after which ice cream has been promised before heading home.

The ringing of Ben’s phone interrupts his musings; Alex glances absently at his husband before continuing along the aisle. He looks around for Jamie and Leo, sent to look for a baby bath and diaper pail with Ally trailing behind like a shadow.

Lucy is still contemplating the plushies; she picks them up one by one to examine then returns them to the appropriate shelf.

“Hey Lena, what’s up?” Ben’s voice carries along the aisle and Alex stops, attention no longer on Lucy.

Lena? Why is she calling? Is something wrong? The C-section is booked for Thursday, but Annie might have gone into labor already. He runs through the list of people they’ll need to call - Doctor Harmon, Matt and Claire, the kids’ schools, the Clinics, Fiona. He watches Ben’s face, searching for an explanation. “Actually, we’re just out getting the last few bits and pieces before Thursday. Why?”

Alex mouths, “what is it?” but gets only a brief head shake in reply.

“What sort of problem?”

The color drains from Ben’s face. Watching him, fear runs down Alex’s spine like a trickle of icy water. What’s going on? Around him, the sounds of the store fade away. His stomach roils – a familiar, almost but not quite forgotten, sensation that he tries to swallow.

Oh God, are the baby and Annie okay?

“You’re absolutely sure?” Ben turns his back and dread blooms like a noxious flower in Alex’s mind. “We could come up. Yes, I know, but maybe if we talk to h-”

Alex shuts his eyes and grips the cart’s handle so tightly his knuckles turn white.

Tries not to hear what he knows he’s hearing.

“Okay, thanks for calling. Yeah, we’ll be home soon. When we’ve got the kids settled, we’ll....” Ben’s voice cracks, though Alex would bet money he’s the only one to notice it. “We’ll call you later. Thanks, Lena.”

Ben thumbs the screen to off, closes his eyes and sinks his teeth into his lower lip, his face contorted with pain.

“What? What is it?” From the corner of his eye, he sees the kids approaching. He moves to block Ben from their line of sight. “Ben?”

Finally, after what seems like forever, Ben opens his eyes and looks at him.

“She’s changed her mind.”

***

“What are we going to tell them?” Alex sinks into a chair. From the other room comes the strains of some cartoon or other that he doesn’t recognize. “They know something is wrong.”

“I don’t know.” Ben, still too pale for Alex’s liking, pours two glasses of scotch and pushes one toward him. “I still can’t believe it.”

Alex takes his hand across the table.

“We always knew it was a possibility. God, we told her ourselves that it would be okay. That we’d understand.”

“Yeah, but we didn’t really think she’d do it.” Ben drinks half of his scotch in a single mouthful. “At least I didn’t. Did you?”

“At this stage, no, I guess I didn’t.”

The door from the living room opens and Jamie comes in. He looks at the pile of baby things stacked in the corner of the kitchen, pulls a chair out and sits down.

Alex glances at Ben, but neither of them speaks.

“Did something happen to the baby?” Jamie asks quietly. He’s wearing one of Alex’s old hoodies and, swamped in the sheer size of the garment, looks impossibly young to Alex. Young and bewildered, visibly bracing himself for whatever they’re about to tell him.

“The baby’s fine.” Alex rubs Jamie’s arm, hoping to reassure him. “But Annie has changed her mind.”

Jamie frowns. “Changed her mind? But I thought it was all signed and shit.”

“No,” Ben shakes his head, “that’s not how it works buddy. Most adoptions aren’t finalized until about six months after the initial placement.”

“Okay... but... but she can’t just change her mind like that, can she?” He looks from Alex to Ben, eyes flashing. “That’s not fair.”

“Well, maybe not,” Alex concedes, “but we said from the beginning that if she did change her mind, we would respect that. So fair or not, we have to accept it.”

“How do you know she won’t just change her mind again? Or... or be a shitty mother? Or something like that?” Jamie puts the tip of one finger in his mouth and gnaws at the nail. Alex gently pulls his hand away.

“She deserves the chance to find out if that’s what she wants.” Ben’s voice sounds hollow, the way it did when they’d learned Allie was sick.

“But she could still change her mind back, right?” He looks hopefully at Alex, then Ben. “Couldn’t she? It’s not too late, right?”

Alex stretches his arm around his shoulders and hugs him. “No, but it’s unlikely. Her family is supportive, she’s in therapy, and she’s responding well to the rehab.”

“This fucking sucks,” Jamie mutters. “Sorry.”

“No apology needed, kid.” Ben finishes his scotch and pours a second, smaller shot into his glass. “It does fucking suck. On that, we agree. But, it is what it is.”

“That saying fucking sucks too,” Jamie says sulkily.

“Also true,” Alex stands up, “but accurate. And we need to go and tell your sisters.”

6 - Ben

Ben leans against the bathroom sink, brushing his teeth, and watching Alex tuck his t-shirt into his pajama pants. They’ve only just put the girls to bed, but neither of them feels like staying up. Through the wall he can hear Jamie moving around, getting things ready for school tomorrow.

He spits, rinses, and wipes his mouth with the edge of a towel. Smooths moisturizer over his face, then turns off the light. He’s almost to the bed when a timid tap on the bedroom door stops him. Alex, already in bed, raises an eyebrow before calling out “come in.”

The door swings open and Ally comes in, twisting a strand of hair around her fingers. Her eyes are red from crying; she scrubs her pajama sleeve over her nose and sniffles.

“Hey, Ally Cat.“ Ben scoops her up into his arms. She immediately burrows in against him. “Why aren’t you in bed?”

She leans back, one arm around his neck, and stares solemnly at him. “I’m too sad to sleep.”

“Oh, honey.” He sits down on Alex’s side of the bed, settling her on his lap. Alex reaches up to stroke her hair. “It’s okay to be sad. We all are tonight.”

“Why did the baby’s Mommy say we could look after him and then change her mind?”

Ben looks at Alex in a panic, unsure of how much detail to give her. Earlier, they’d simply said that Annie had decided she wanted to keep her baby and the ensuing barrage of “why” and “how come” had been, if not ignored, at least kept to a simple “it’s complicated.” Both girls had been upset but seemed to have accepted the response.

“I know you said it’s complicated before, but that’s ‘cause Lulu isn’t big enough to understand, right?” Her gaze flicks from Ben to Alex. “But I’m nearly ten, so you can tell me.”

“Well,” Alex sits up, sheets pooling around his waist, “the baby’s mommy has been kind of sick, and she didn’t think she would be able to look after him before, which is why he was going to come and live with us.”

“And now she’s not sick anymore?”

“No, now she’s not as sick anymore, and she wants to keep him.”

“Oh.” Ally studies her fingers. “What if she gets sick again?”

“We don’t think she will, sweetheart.” Alex’s voice is low, as though the words are weighing it down.

“What about other mommies who are sick? Maybe we could look after their baby?”

Alex gives her a smile dulled by sadness. “Maybe, sweetheart.”

Ben can’t bring himself to look at either of them, too afraid he’ll lose what little control he has. Thankfully, Alex is faring better.

“Do you want to stay in here for a while, monster?”

Ally shakes her head. “No, I’m okay Daddy. I just wanted to know.” She chews her lip for a second before continuing. “Is it bad if I hope that there is another mommy who wants us to look after her baby?”

“No, sweetie, it’s not.” Alex’s voice trembles. “Maybe there will be.”

“I hope so.”

“Me too, sweetheart. Me too.”

“Come on, let’s get you back to bed since you don’t want to stay in here and listen to Daddy snore.”

Her giggle is short but genuine; she clings to him, resting her head on his shoulder. He strokes her hair and whispers nonsense to her as he carries her back to her room and tucks her in, heart heavy.

When he returns to the bedroom, Alex is stretched out, one arm over his eyes. The other rests on his stomach. Ben makes his way around the end of the bed; stoops and scratches Bart’s head. Sits down and takes off his glasses.

He pulls back the covers and climbs in beside Alex, oddly comforted by the feel of his soft flannel pajama pants. Alex rolls in against him and he wraps his arm around him, pulling him to his chest and they lie together in silence. After a few moments, Alex sniffles and Ben notices the dampness soaking into his t-shirt. Swallows the lump in his own throat.

“I know, baby.” He presses a kiss to the top of Alex’s head, just as he’d done with Ally. “I know.”

7 - Alex

Alex drops a piece of toast on the plate in front of Jamie, mutters ‘eat,’ and sits down.  When Jamie doesn’t move, Alex nudges the jar of peanut butter in his direction and repeats the order to eat. At the other end of the table, Ben looks at him over his glasses and sighs.

“You can’t go to school on an empty stomach, buddy.” Ben makes a show of picking up his own toast, which, Alex notices, is still mostly untouched.

He looks over at the girls and finds they’re doing only marginally better than the men in the family. Ally stirs her yogurt first in one direction, then in the other. When she catches Alex watching her, she lifts a spoonful to her mouth and eats it.

Lucy fares a little better. Peanut butter and jelly are smeared around her mouth; there’s a smudge of purple jelly on her nose. Her yogurt is untouched though and the glass of orange juice next to her plate - usually drained before she starts eating - is still mostly full.

In the corner of the kitchen stands the highchair Matt had helped them put together on Saturday. Bart is on the floor next to it. Ben had joked on Saturday that the aging Labrador had remembered what a highchair is for. Why the hell is it still there? Why didn’t he put it out in the garage last night?

This is hard enough without being reminded by the damned furniture.

“Hey, it’s okay to be sad, guys.” He strokes his finger over the back of Lucy’s hand and smiles at her. “But Papa’s right; you do need to eat your breakfast.” A glance at Ben tells him that the use of Papa isn’t lost on him, at least. “What’s the rule?”

“Can’t run the motor without fuel,” Ally says, poking at her yogurt again.

“I ate my toast,” Lucy offers.

Jamie spreads peanut butter over his toast, bites the corner off, and drops it back on the plate. He shrugs but says nothing.

Alex eats a spoonful of yogurt and follows it with a mouthful of coffee. Ben does the same. After another spoonful, Alex points his spoon at Jamie.

“I’ll tell you what. You eat a whole piece of toast and promise to take an extra piece of fruit in case you get hungry before lunch, and we’ll call it good.” He turns to the girls. “I want you two to finish your yogurt and your orange juice and then you can go and clean your teeth.”

“I ate my toast,” Lucy repeats.

“Yes, you did. But you need to eat some yogurt too.”

“Just some, right? Not all.”

“I’ll eat all of mine and my toast,” Ally tells her and picks up her glass of orange juice. “Then we’ll be the same.”

This seems to pacify Lucy, who starts eating her yogurt. Relieved, Alex turns again to Jamie.

“Kiddo, come on. One piece of toast.”

The rest of the meal passes in silence, apart from the occasional clink of cutlery against plates. He nods when the girls present their empty bowls and glasses. Tells them to clear their plates and to go and clean their teeth. Jamie makes a show of finishing his toast, takes his plate to the sink, then follows them out of the room.

“It’s going to be a long day.” Alex rubs his eyes.

“For everyone,” Ben says. He tops up his coffee. Alex shakes his head when he offers it to him. “You got your pills?” Alex looks up sharply. “Don’t think I haven’t noticed the lack of oatmeal or fruit on your plate, Nurse Larsen.”

Alex fights a smile. “Yeah, I’ve got my pills.” He pushes his plate away from him. “This sucks.”

“Yeah, it does.”

***

“Can we watch a DVD after our baths?” Lucy asks as she puts her plate on the counter at Alex’s elbow.

“You’ve already watched two since we got home. I think that’s enough for today.” They’d been late getting home and after a day that had felt never-ending, it had just been easier to let them watch a second one while he got dinner ready. Ben had arrived halfway through the meal, subdued and looking weary.

“But Daddy, just one more.” She offers him a wide, angelic smile. “Please.”

“Not tonight, sweetheart.”

For a moment, it seems the subject is closed, then Lucy tries one more time. “Daddy, pl-”

“Lucy!” Ben snaps. “Daddy said no. Now go upstairs and get ready for your bath.”

“But I want to watch The Lorax again.”

“Well, you can’t tonight,” Ben says firmly. “Go upstairs and get ready for your bath.”

Defiance darkens her face and she stomps her foot. “No. I’m clean enough and I want to watch The Lorax.”

Ally, halfway out the door, stops and turns, eyes wide and worried. She pushes her glasses up with an absent movement as her gaze flicks from her sister to her father and back. Jamie, who has been packing the dishwasher, mutters an expletive in a low voice. He straightens up, still holding a plate in his hand.

“Enough!” Ben leaps up, knocking his chair backward. It crashes into the small set of shelves behind him and a selection of baby bottles and nipples topple over the edge to the floor. He grabs for them and succeeds only in knocking the bottle warmer next to them to the floor. Alex winces when he hears the ominous crack of the casing breaking. Ben aims a kick at the device and sends it bouncing off the kitchen door. “Why the fuck is this shit in here?”

Lucy, The Lorax apparently forgotten, gasps and plasters both hands to her mouth. A soft whimper rises from Ally.

“Jamie, take your sisters upstairs, please.” Without taking his eyes from Ben, Alex nudges him away from the dishwasher. “I’ll be up in a minute.”

“Yeah, sure.” Jamie picks Lucy up; she immediately hides her face against his neck. “Come on, Buglet, let’s go run a bath.”

He ushers Ally out of the kitchen; the door swings shut behind them. The only sound in the kitchen now is Ben’s panting. He’s still in the same spot, head bowed, back turned.

Without a word, Alex dries his hands on a dishcloth. Goes to the door and picks up the bottle warmer. One of the buttons is missing, and a crack winds its way around the body like tinsel on a Christmas tree. He puts it on the table, gathers up the bottles and nipples and takes them to the sink.

Ben hasn’t moved.

“You done?” Alex asks.

“I...” Ben drags his chair back and sinks onto it.

“It’s norm....”

“Do not fucking analyze me, Alex. I am not in the mood.”

Alex taps his fingers on the tabletop, then pushes himself back to his feet. “I’m going to go and get the girls ready for bed.” He pauses before continuing. “When you’re done having a temper tantrum, let me know.”

“A temper tantrum?” Ben glares back at him. “Don’t treat me like one of the kids you care for at the clinic.”

“No danger there - they’re better behaved than you are.” Alex runs his tongue over his bottom lip, searching for words. “What happened sucks. Big time. I know you’re upset. I get it. We all are.”

He turns before Ben can respond and leaves the room.

Upstairs he finds the kids in the bathroom. Ally is seated on the closed toilet, arms around her knees. Kneeling on the floor next to the tub, Jamie tests the water temperature with one hand. His free arm is wrapped around Lucy, who is pressed to his side. She raises her head to look at Alex - her lashes are wet with tears and her lower lip trembles.

“I don’t want to watch The Lorax anymore, Daddy,” she whispers.

Alex crouches and pulls her into his arms. Strokes her hair as she clings to him. “It’s okay, baby girl. Papa’s not really mad at you; he’s just very tired and very sad.”

She leans back to study him. “About the baby?”

“Yeah, about the baby. Come on, let's get you in the bath.”

***

Tucking a strand of hair behind Lucy’s ear, Alex asks gently, “What shall we read tonight?”

Mouth down-turned, she shrugs.

He studies the bookshelf above her bed. “How about Winnie-the-Pooh?”

“I guess. I don’t mind.”

A tap on the door stops him from reaching for the book. Ben stands in the doorway, hands in his pockets, eyes downcast. He’s loosened his tie and discarded his jacket. There are patches of sweat under his arms and what looks like a smear of marinara sauce on the front of his shirt. Bruise-purple circles beneath his eyes that Alex hadn’t noticed before. When he looks up, Lucy hides her face in the pillow, and his cheeks flush.

Alex leans down and whispers in her ear. “Can Papa come in?”

She shrugs, the movement slight and filled with fake disinterest.

“Can I come in if I say I’m sorry?” Ben asks in a soft voice.

She peers out at him then, unblinking. Nods. “I s’pose.”

Biting back a smile, Alex kisses her cheek; he lets Ben take his place. “Goodnight Lulubug. I love you.”

“I love you back, Daddy.”

As he leaves the room, he hears Ben tell her they’ll read Winnie tomorrow night. He waits, curious to hear what Ben is going to read instead.

“I am The Lorax,” Ben reads. “I speak for the trees.”

Smiling, he makes his way downstairs.

8 - Ben

Ben pulls the covers up over Lucy’s shoulders. She’d made it through three pages before falling asleep. He puts The Lorax back on the shelf, then stands and watches her for a moment. Notes the long lashes and caramel curls that are so like Alex’s, the soft curve of her jaw. He tiptoes out, tugging off his tie as he goes, and shoves it in his pocket.

At Ally’s door, he stops and knocks. After a moment, he pushes the door open and goes in. Ally is sitting up in bed, clutching a recently bought polar bear stuffie. On the nightstand, a bright pink bookmark sticks out of a paperback copy of The Hobbit.

“Hey, baby girl.” He kisses her head and sits on the bed. “You should be asleep.”

“Are you still mad?” She tugs at the polar bear’s ear.

He forces himself to smile, equal parts ashamed and embarrassed. “No honey, I’m not mad anymore. And I’m sorry if I scared you.”

“Lucy shouldn’t have argued with you and Daddy.”

Oh, God.

“Well,” he takes a deep breath, “no, that’s true, but  Lucy is five, and she doesn’t really understand yet. Arguing with Daddy and me is part of how she learns that stuff. You’re allowed to speak up, sweetheart; Daddy and I aren’t always right. And even if we are, that doesn’t give Daddy or me or anyone else the right to scare you. That is never okay. Got it?”

She nods.

“Lucy was wrong, but so was I. And Lucy’s wrong wasn’t as big as mine was, okay? I should not have yelled at you all like that.”

“Okay.” She picks at the comforter. “Papa, did the baby’s mommy change her mind because you and Daddy are....” Her words trail off and spots of bright pink bloom on her cheeks. “Because we have two Dads?”

“No. That’s not why she changed her mind. Has Logan been bothering you again?”

“No,” Ally says too quickly. She sighs. “A little bit, but it’s okay. I try to ignore him.”

“That’s my girl, but if he gives you any more trouble, you tell Daddy or me, got it?” He waits until she nods. “And no, the baby’s mom didn’t change her mind because of Daddy and me. She changed her mind because she got well again and wants to look after her baby.” Ben tugs the comforter up around her chin. “It’s time you were asleep, Ally Cat.”

Ally wrinkles her nose at the nickname but slides further down the bed.

“I love you baby girl, and I’m really sorry for before.”

“It’s okay, Papa. Everyone gets grumpy, sometimes. I love you back.”

He waves to her from the doorway. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

In the hallway, he takes his glasses off, polishes them on his sleeve and squares his shoulders. Two down, two to go. Though something tells him that the next ones will be the tough ones.

He taps on Jamie’s door, and when he hears a muffled ‘come in’, pushes it open. Jamie is at his desk, headphones slung around his neck. The only light comes from the desk lamp and the computer screen. The wallpaper on the latter is, Ben is amused to see, some young influencer dressed only in gray sweatpants that leave little to the imagination.

“If only I could get Dad to buy pants like those,” he says with a grin that feels too wide to be anything but fake and puts his hand up to catch the pillow Jamie lobs at him. “What? You don’t think he’d look as good as that guy?”

“La-la-la,” Jamie puts his fingers in his ears and screws his eyes shut. “Can’t hear you.”

“I see how it is,” Ben teases. “You’re allowed to enjoy a nicely packaged pack...”

“Dad! Can we not? I’m not discussing... packages with you.” He flicks the monitor’s off switch, and the guy disappears. “Especially not your husband’s.”

“My husband, huh?”

“Did you want something, or are you just here to be annoying?”

The delivery and tone are so like Alex - as is the fleeting half smile - that for a moment Ben is disconcerted.

“Being annoying is just a bonus.”

“Uh-huh.”

Ben moves a pile of books on the bed and sits down. “Listen, about before,” he swallows, hunting for the right words, “when I yelled at Lucy and uh....”

“Threw things around?” Jamie cocks his head to one side; the faint smile is back.

“In my defense, I didn’t mean to do that. Not that I’m trying to excuse my behavior, but I really didn’t mean to do that. Any of that. It’s just been a long day, you know?”

Jamie nods and studies his fingernails. Two have been chewed, one badly enough to be edged with a thin line of blood. Ben’s stomach clenches at the sight. Partly from the blood, mostly from his guilt. Had his stupid outburst bothered Jamie that much?

“You’d better let Dad clean those up for you,” he says.

Blushing, Jamie slides his hands under his thighs.

Ben leans over and pats his knee. “Nice try, kiddo. Make sure you show Dad. There’s no point having your very own pet nurse if you don’t let him take care of you.”

Jamie nods and bows his head; picks at the faded denim of his jeans. Ben frowns.

“We,” he makes a circle between them with his finger, “okay?”

“Yeah, we’re good. It’s okay.” He lifts the bitten fingers to his mouth, stops, and puts his hand back under his thigh. “Dad, can I ask you something?”

“Of course you can.”

“Do you think you’ll try again?” He hesitates, but Ben thinks he knows what he means. “You know....”

“To adopt another baby?”

“Yeah.”

Ben leans back on his hands and looks up at the ceiling. His head is a jumbled mess of emotion. Anger, disappointment, confusion, and yes, loss.

“I don’t know. Dad and I have discussed it, but it was before yesterday; we haven’t had a chance since.”

Jamie nods. A slow, measured movement as though he’s scrutinizing each word closely.

“Is there a particular reason you’re asking?”

A slight twitch of his arm gives away another urge to bite his fingernails, but he’s more successful in controlling it this time. Instead, he taps his foot against the floor. “I was really looking forward to him coming here.”

“We all were,” Ben says softly, his heart aching.

“Yeah, I know.” Jamie licks his lip. “But... I don’t know how to say this, so it doesn’t sound wrong.” Ben waits, and eventually, the teenager continues. “You guys are my family. I hardly even think about my other parents anymore. They’re just some kind of memory that’s fading away. Is that... is that bad?”

“No, I don’t think so, but I’m biased in your favor. You probably should ask your other Dad - he’ll be biased too, but he’s better at ignoring his biases than I am.”

This admission at least gets a smile.

“And if you tell him I said that, I’ll deny it.” He senses Jamie hasn’t told him what’s bothering him yet and pats his knee. “Finish what you were saying before I interrupted you.”

“He would be like me. Both of us would be adopted and I kind of liked that. Like, I don’t mean I don’t love Ally and Lulubug because I do, I really do. But they’re not adopted, they’re....” His voice trails off.

“Our biological kids? Is that what you mean?”

“Yeah, and having a little brother who was adopted, sort of, I don’t know, it just sort of makes sense.”

“It would be like having a full matching set?” Ben asks, grateful Alex isn’t with them. That comment would have earned him a swat on the ass.

“Dare you to say it like that to Dad.” Jamie sniggers. “You’d be sleeping on the sofa for a month.”

“More like he’d never take his fucking pajamas off again.” Realizing what he’s said, he looks at Jamie over his glasses. “How about you forget I said that too?”

“I’m so far ahead of you it’s not funny.” Jamie pulls his legs up to his chest and wraps his arms around them. “I feel bad about feeling bad, which is really freaking stupid, but I just ... It would have been nice to have a baby brother is all.”

“You have nothing to feel bad about, kid. We all want to identify with people and things and situations. That’s human nature. Like I said, Dad and I haven’t discussed it yet, but when we do, we’ll talk it over with the three of you, okay?” He stands and brushes at his trousers. “Nearly finished your homework?”

“Maybe another hour. Stupid Spanish essay.”

“Don’t be too late, okay? And make sure you come down and show Dad those nails, please.” He opens the door. “I am sorry about earlier, Jamie.”

“It’s all good, Dad. I get it.”

Satisfied, Ben pulls the door shut and goes to the stairs. The lights are still on in the living room and he can hear the faint strains of U2. He lets out a breath, counts to three, then goes down.

***

At the far end of the sofa, Alex reads a heavy tome of a book bearing the ominous title of Treating Trauma in Children Under Six. Long legs curled beneath him, he takes occasional notes on a legal pad next to him. His hair tumbles over his shoulders, just long enough to need a ponytail for work with patients or when he’s running. It’s loose now, and he blows a stray strand away from his face without looking up.

Ben goes to the cupboard where they keep the alcohol and pours himself a glass of scotch. Pours ruby port into a second glass for Alex. As he replaces the top on the bottle, he hears his grandmother’s voice in his head.

“Child, get yourself over there and tell him you’re sorry and that you love him. You know you’re not alone in this.”

God, he misses her.

He takes the glasses over to the sofa, puts the port on the side table next to Alex, and sits down. Pats his thigh, and after a brief hesitation, Alex marks his place, stretches his legs out, and rests his feet in Ben’s lap.

Ben studies the pale blue socks for a moment before tugging the left one off and massaging the bare foot.

“I’m sorry.” He digs his thumb into the instep, working the muscle. “And before you ask, yes, I’ve apologized and been pardoned.”

A small smile plays at the corner of Alex’s mouth. “By everyone?”

Ben scowls; knowing he deserves that doesn’t help his still less than stellar mood. “Yes, by everyone. Just you and Dork Dog left.” He rests his head against the back of the sofa. Shuts his eyes. “I’d like nothing more than to forget yesterday ever happened, but we should probably talk about it, right?”

“If you can promise to not jump down our throats every five minutes, it could probably wait a day or two.”

Tempting as the offer is, Ben knows better than to accept it. He taps Alex’s foot, then waits for him to sit up. Swivels around so he can put his own foot up on the cushions. Taps his chest.

“Come here.”

He watches as Alex puts the book on the floor before twisting and turning until he rests in the vee of Ben’s legs. The warm weight of him against his groin and chest is comforting. Grounding. The past forty-eight hours seem to lift a little with Alex here in his arms. Enough for him to feel the muscles in his shoulders soften slightly. He buries his face in the chestnut curls and breathes in the faint scent of the coconut shampoo Alex has been using lately. Beneath that, though, it’s pure Alex. A soft, warm smell that he can smell on their bed linen and on the seatbelt if Alex has been driving his car. On his skin when they’ve been making love in that way that he loves best: when they’re both lost in the moment, panting and groaning, chasing release. In the moments after, when they’re still joined, their sweat mixed together, thick and salty wet on their skin, and he can’t tell where he ends and Alex begins. It’s his favorite smell in the world.

“Are you sniffing me?”

“You smell good. What can I say?”

Alex shakes his head and Ben doesn’t need to see him to know he’s smiling. Pulling the long hair to one side, he kisses Alex’s neck before speaking.

“I’m a dick,” he murmurs against the skin.

“No arguments from me.”

“I’m sorry. Yesterday sucked and today wasn’t a hell of a lot better and I guess I just lost it. I know it’s not an excuse.” Ben wraps his arms around Alex’s chest, pulling him as close as possible. Rests his chin on Alex’s shoulder. Squeezes his eyes shut, trying to not give into the emotion that has been threatening to swamp him since Lena’s phone call. When he trusts himself to speak, the words are little more than a whisper. “I’m sorry, baby.”

Alex sighs and presses his cheek against Ben’s head. “I know you are and it’s okay, sweetheart. I get it. Want to talk about today?”

“Nothing to tell. Just one of those Mondays. I’ve got a junior lawyer who is crapping himself as if this is his first case which, in some ways, I guess it is. Crawford and Langley are coming down from the city tomorrow to see him get started and to go over some files. And, of course, I had to tell everyone what was happening.”

“Yeah, I had to do that too. Not fun.”

Ben tightens his hold and blinks away another wave of emotion. “What do we do now?”

The silence stretches between them for so long that Ben is about to pose the question again when Alex finally answers. “I don’t know. What do you want to do?”

“It’s not just about me, babe.”

Alex huffs softly. “You know what I mean. Do we want to approach some agencies? Or do we take this as a sign that we’re meant to leave it alone?”

“I... don’t know. I mean, I think I do, but I don’t know if it’s the answer you want to hear or if it’s the right answer or anything.”

Alex runs his hands the length of Ben’s thigh. “Stop torturing yourself like that, sweetheart. We’ll figure this out. We always do.”

“I know. It’s just....” His voice breaks, but when Alex tries to turn he tightens his hold on him. If he lets him turn, he’ll lose what little grip he has - on everything - and fall apart. “It’s been a long few months, you know? And the hits just seem to keep coming.”

Alex tugs his arms away, sits forward, and turns to face him. “Ben,” he whispers, “it’s going to be okay.”

It’s not until Alex sweeps his thumb over his cheek, wiping tears away, that Ben realizes he’s already crying. Last night when Alex had cried, his own tears had not fallen, and he’d been left feeling strung out, emotions and nerves stretched to their limit like violin strings.

“I think,” he licks his lips and tries to find the words, “I’d like us to talk to Lena and see what our options are, but I don’t want to do that if it’s not something you want to do.”

Alex quirks an eyebrow, one side of his mouth lifting in a smile. “We’d already decided to do this before Lena called to tell us about Annie, so why not just follow the original plan?”

“You sure?”

“You know, after all this time, you still keep asking me that. Like you don’t know that I have no idea if I’m sure or not. You’d think by now, Mister Hot Shot Attorney, that you’d stop asking and just go with it.”

For the first time all day, Ben’s smile feels genuine. “Yeah, you’d think. I promise not to have any more meltdowns.”

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep.” Alex pats Ben’s thigh. “Finish your drink and let’s go to bed. It’s been a long day.”

9 - Alex

Alex leans back in the chair and rubs his eyes. This week has been one series of hurdles after another since Ben’s meltdown, and tonight is looking no different.

“Tired?” Ben rubs his foot over Alex’s.

“Little bit.” He resists the urge to point out the fatigue in Ben’s eyes and instead prods at the pile of forms in front of him with one finger. “How many more of these things are we going to have to fill in?”

Without waiting for an answer, he pushes his chair back and goes to the sink. Fills the kettle with water and puts it on the stove. As he twists the element control to ON, he remembers the small paper bag tucked in his bag, away from the prying eyes and hands of small girls.

“Bureaucracy makes the world go round, baby,” Ben says.

Alex replies with a non-committal grunt as he pushes past him to the row of hooks just inside the door. Bart looks up from his basket in the corner and thumps his tail.

“If you say so.” He digs in his pack until he finds what he’s searching for. A small white bag with ribbon handles and a gold sticker to seal it. He takes it to Ben and drops it on the table. “I almost forgot - I got you something.”

Ben quirks an eyebrow. “What’s this?”

“Don’t know. Open it and find out.” He gets two mugs from the cupboard, drops tea bags into them before turning to face his husband. Leans against the counter, arms folded, and waits.

Rolling his eyes, Ben runs his thumbnail under the gold sticker and pulls the bag open to peer inside. He pulls a small froth of pale pink lace from the bag. Alex looks away, aware of the heat in his cheeks. When he looks back, Ben is smiling at him.

“Do I want to know why making tea made you think of these?”

“Steam. Pressure. Noise,” Alex considers this a moment. “Now that I think of it, you and the kettle have a lot in common.”

The door from the living room swings open, cutting off Ben’s response. Jamie comes to the table, pulls a chair out, and flops down in it. He bends forward to rest his head on the table with an audible thud, uttering a loud, pained groan.

“Over-dramatic teenager is over-dramatic I see,” Ben says as he shoves the pink thong back in the small bag, then drops it at his feet. Jamie lifts his head and looks at Alex.

“Do you think we should tell him he’s not as funny as he thinks he is?”

Alex snorts and lifts one of the mugs up. “Tea?”

“Ew, no thank you.” He heaves himself upright and goes to the fridge. Stares at the contents for a moment, then pulls out a bottle of milk. “Did you know that drinking green tea has been shown to lower your joy for life by about eighty percent?”

“I see you’ve been taking comedy lessons from Dad.” Alex hands the sputtering Ben a napkin and takes his seat back at the table. “Be grateful he didn’t spit that all over these,” he shifts the forms to one side, out of spray range. “If I have to fill them in again tonight, someone’s joy for life  will be lower, that’s for sure.”

Jamie pours a glass of milk and comes back to the table. He looks over the forms as he sips. “Are these all for the adoption agencies?”

“Yup.” Alex isn’t sure if it’s because he’d had two exams earlier in the day or if in fact, the forms are as invasive as they’d felt, but he does know he’s sick of answering questions. It doesn’t matter that he understands how necessary they are, there are just so many of them. He shuts his eyes, leans over his mug, and breathes in the fragrance.

“So, kiddo, there appears to be something on your mind. What’s up?” Ben’s tone is mild, but Alex looks up sharply. Something on Jamie’s mind? He looks the boy over with a frown but sees nothing out of the ordinary. Jamie rubs his thumb over the glass. Lifts the other hand to his mouth, then seems to catch himself and rolls his bottom lip over his teeth.

Grinning, Ben reaches over and tousles his hair. “Do me a favor and don’t ever kill anyone, okay? You’ll never get away with it.”

Ignoring Ben, Alex looks Jamie over again. His nails, Alex notices, are quite long - apart from the one he’d chewed two weeks ago. They’re painted bright blue and decorated with little silver moons. His hair has been bleached and the tips are bright blue to match his nails; it’s longer than Alex has seen it since Jamie came to live with them. Not as long as his own but long enough for him to have combed it in an elegant quiff to one side. Silver rings line both ears and there’s a matching one in his left nostril. He’s dressed in his favorite kilt and a Hello Kitty t-shirt that is stretched so tight across his chest that for a moment Alex wonders if it’s Ally’s. The outline of a nipple bar is visible beneath the sparkly pink fabric.

“Well, uh, I’ve been filling in my enrollment forms.” His gaze darts between them. “They’re due at the end of next week.”

“Great, more forms.” Alex sips his tea. “What do we have to sign?” Because he’s certain, there will be another damned form to fill in and sign.

“Oh, there’s only a couple of things and they’re not the problem.” Jamie’s voice trails off. Alex looks at him, then at Ben, who frowns.

“Come on kid, it’s getting late,” Ben says. “What’s up?”

“It’s not really that something is up so much as um... that is....”

Alex reaches across the table and covers Jamie’s hand with his own. “Whatever it is, it’s probably not as bad as you think. Just tell us.”

Jamie takes a deep breath. “Okay, so they want to know what gender I identify as and what pronouns I use.”

“Ah, I see.”Alex squeezes his hand. Smiles. He has a feeling he might know where this is headed.

“So maybe I’m being obtuse here, but I’m still not seeing the problem.” Ben muffles a yawn behind his hand. Shoulders drooping, Jamie bows his head. Pulls his hand from Alex’s grip and lays it on his lap. Torn between exasperation with Ben who, he knows, doesn’t mean to be tactless - he’s just too tired to see what’s right in front of him - and sympathy for Jamie, Alex pushes his chair back and goes around the table. Crouches down and tips Jamie’s chin up, then takes his hand.

“Hey, look at me.” Jamie does as he’s bid, blue eyes filled with tears. His fingers form a vise around Alex’s. “It’s okay, you can tell us.”

“Uh, tell us what?” Ben asks. Alex heaves a sigh and looks up at him.

“Sweetheart, do me a favor and be quiet for two seconds, okay?”

Ben scowls; his gaze jumps from Alex to Jamie and back again.

“I think... that is... I know... I mean... so I’ve said on the forms that I’m non-binary and my pronouns are they and them.” The words tumble from him in a rush, and when he’s done he bows his head again. “I... just... I wanted to tell you and I want... that is... I mean.... Is it okay... like are we okay, I mean?”

“Non-binary?” Ben asks.

“That’s when-” Alex begins but stops when he sees Ben’s glower.

“I know what it means, babe. I’m clarifying that’s what Jamie means and that he understands what he’s saying.”

“It’s who I am.” Jamie shoots a defiant glare at Ben but doesn’t let go of Alex’s hand. “And yes, I understand.”

If the kid decides architecture isn’t his gig, Alex thinks, he should try law because he’s seen older, more experienced men buckle before Ben for far less. A flash in Ben’s eyes tells him he’s not the only one to have noted the defiance. Then Ben’s expression softens, and he holds his hand up.

“I’m sorry, that came out wrong. What I’m trying to understand is what this actually means for you.” When Jamie opens his mouth, no doubt to protest, Ben holds his hand up. “You know what I mean. Is this something you’ve known about yourself for a long time, or is it a recent thing, and what does it mean in real terms? Do you want a new name? Do you want surgery? You can tell us you kn-”

“Ben!” Alex smacks the back of his hand against Ben’s knee. “You are not helping.” The words come out through gritted teeth. “Shut the fuck up and let him speak.”

This at least pulls a small laugh from Jamie. “Go Dad.” He waits, but when it’s obvious Ben isn’t going to say anything, he continues.

“I want to keep my name. Jamie’s sort of neutral, you know? And I want to keep my... that is... no, I don’t want any surgery. I’m fine with my... you know.” His cheeks flush scarlet. “It’s just that... that... doesn’t define who I am. Who I am isn’t a guy and isn’t a girl. Some days I’m more one than I am the other, and some days I don’t think I’m either, and I don’t know, it’s kind of fluid.” He lets go of Alex’s hand and gulps a mouthful of milk. Swipes the back of his hand over his mouth as he puts the glass down and takes a shaky breath. “I’ve always known, but I want it to be official for college. And I want to try some stuff.”

“Stuff?” Ben asks. Alex glares at him. “What? I’m just clarifying. What’s wrong with clarifying?”

Another chuckle from Jamie.

“It’s okay. I don’t mean anything... you know... to do with sex or anything. I just want to get some more makeup and to try some other clothes. Maybe some actual skirts instead of just my kilts. Would that be okay? With you guys, I mean. And maybe some shoes and um....” He nibbles at his bottom lip for a second before saying in a rush, “some underwear. I don’t know where to go though. I don’t want to cause any trouble.” The look he turns to Alex is filled with desperation, longing, and beneath it, a flicker of hope. Alex remembers seeing that look on his own reflection when he first met Ben. When he first understood what might be possible.

“I think we can help with that. Maybe Aunt Claire could help too, if you don’t mind her knowing.”

“We,” Ben interrupts, “can certainly help with the lingerie. There are some great online stores and there’s one place in the village we sometimes use too. They can often order in, and they’re really discreet.” The words take Alex by surprise and his mouth drops open as he turns to gape at Ben, unsure if he’s aware of what he’s just admitted to.

Jamie’s expression cycles through a quick succession of emotions - as clear as the blush that has now deepened several shades. Curiosity, embarrassment, disbelief, and unmistakable relief.

“What? It’s true.” Ben shakes his head as if mystified and addresses Jamie. “But yeah, you might need Aunt Claire to help with the shoe thing. You know your sisters are going to have questions that will make mine seem perfectly reasonable in comparison, don’t you?”

Alex winces at the thought of Lucy’s reaction - she will want to know everything she can. “I think it might be a good idea for all of us to have a conversation if you feel comfortable enough to do that.”

When Jamie mumbles, ‘yeah, sure,’ Alex stands, grimacing at the popping sound his knees make and goes back to his seat.

“Do you mind if I ask if Leo knows?”

“Yeah, he knows.” Jamie flicks his gaze to Ben then just as quickly down to the table in front of him. “He’s cool with it.”

“He’d better be,” Ben mutters. “Happy to kick his ass if he isn’t.”

Alex sighs and kicks his ankle under the table. Really? Jamie rolls his eyes but looks pleased all the same. He pushes his chair back. “I better go finish filling these forms so you can sign them.” He takes his glass to the sink. Rinses it and leaves it in the drainer. He kisses Alex’s cheek. “Thanks.”

Ben stands and pulls Jamie into his arms, smothering his protests. “Listen up, brat. You’re our kid and all we care about is that you’re happy and safe, okay? And if anybody gives you any grief, you have to promise you’ll tell us.” Jamie nods. “And if I screw up and forge-”

“We,” Alex interjects. “If we screw up.”

“Okay, we, though we all know it’s likely going to be me,” Ben says. “If we screw up, you have to remind us. Be patient.”

“I know.” Jamie pulls away. His hand on the door, he pauses once more to smile at them. “I love you guys.”

“What’s not to love?” Ben quips as he sits back down. Alex kicks him again under the table. Honestly, some days the man is incorrigible. Before either of them can say anything more, Jamie is gone and the door swings shut behind him.

Alex gets up, rinses the mugs, and places them on the draining board. “So that finally happened.”

“Finally?” Ben asks.

“Oh, come on. You’re not seriously saying that surprised you?”

“A little yes, I guess. I mean, it doesn’t bother me, and it’s not like he doesn’t wear makeup and stuff already, but I guess I never really thought about it before.”

Alex pulls Ben to his feet and presses a kiss to his mouth. When he pulls away, Ben touches a finger to his bottom lip, a confused smile pulling the corner of his mouth up.

“Not that I’m complaining, but what was that for?”

“Because sometimes you surprise me but mostly because I love you.” He covers Ben’s mouth with his hand, cutting off the words before Ben can get them out. “And because you’re an idiot. A hot idiot, but still an idiot.”

10 - Ben

“Okay people, this is the last call for bags, shoes, and jackets. In the car in five or I’m going full Hulk.” Ben finishes buttering his toast, tosses the knife into the sink, and reaches for his travel mug. He glances around the kitchen with a sigh.

Alex left for his last exam only half an hour ago, but the kitchen looks as though it’s been ransacked. Bart noses an overturned cereal bowl around the floor, leaving behind a thin trail of milk and cornflakes. Ben rests his foot against the bowl, halting its journey, and calls for Lucy.

She runs into the kitchen, still barefoot and trailing her jacket.

“Papa, can I-”

“Nope, not until you pick your bowl up. I asked you to do that ten minutes ago.” He steps back to let her grab the dish. “And put your shoes on.”

Maybe if he gets a chance to leave court today, he’ll do some shopping of his own. They haven’t had a chance to try the pink lace and silk Alex bought him, so maybe he can find something to complement it. Or maybe one of those big Lego sets he’s taken a liking to. What’s one more Lego brick to walk on?

“Dad,” Ally appears in the doorway, “I need my permission slip signed for the field trip.”

Ben looks over at the fridge door where five magnets with their names hold various papers - reminders, permission slips, flyers. Except for a notice about a coming book festival at the library, Ally’s magnet is empty.

“It’s not on your magnet, Ally Cat.”

“Papa, can I get a goldfish?” Sitting on the floor, dangerously close to the small puddle of milk and cornflakes, Lucy pulls on her socks. “Elliot at school has a goldfish.”

Before he can answer, Ally waves a sheet of paper under his nose. “Here it is. I forgot to get it out of my bag.”

“Papa, can I?”

“Dad!” Ally waves the permissions slip again.

The door from the living room crashes open; Jamie stumbles in, buckling their belt as they come and muttering about their alarm not working. They slam their messenger bag on the table, sending a half-full glass of juice spinning.

“For fuck’s sake, could everyone please just take a breath.” Ben pinches the bridge of his nose, aware both girls are now watching him with wide eyes. How in the hell does Alex not go insane every morning? God knows he, Ben, is no help most of the time. And now he feels guilty as well as frazzled. All those times Alex has pleaded for less chaos, and he’s teased him and told him to relax. Has it always been this bad? Has he been so distracted with work that he really hasn’t noticed this stuff?

“Papa! You said the eff word.” Lucy seems torn between concern and admiration. “Daddy says we shouldn’t say that word.”

“Daddy says we’re not allowed to say it,” Ally interjects. “Dad’s allowed to say it. He’s an adult.”

“What about Jamie? Is Jamie allowed?.” Lucy still holds her left shoe in her hand.

“Enough!” Ben holds his hands up in the hope of forestalling any further conversation. “Ally, you’re supposed to put the forms on your magnet. No, I don’t want to hear it right now. I’ll sign it in a minute. Lulu, no, you can’t have a goldfish. Maybe when we’ve moved into the new house. Put your other shoe on and go wait by the car. Jamie, if you value your life, you’ll find something that resembles food and eat it before you walk out the door, because I guarantee you Dad will know if you don’t. I don’t know how, but he’ll know, and somehow I’ll end up being the one in trouble.” He looks at the piece of toast he’s still holding, sighs, then takes a bite. “Now, can we all get moving? I need to be in court in half an hour.”

Clamping the cold toast in his teeth, he scribbles a signature on Ally’s form and points toward the door. Ally and Lulu shove lunch boxes in their bags and run outside with Bart in pursuit.

“Can you pick them up this afternoon, kiddo? I don’t know when Dad is finishing and I’ll be in court.”

Jamie looks up from the banana they’re peeling and nods. “Yeah, I got it. Dad asked me last night. And he said to remind you to call the builders about the consent for the extensions we agreed on.”

“Of course he did.” Ben takes another bite of the now soggy toast, then throws the rest into the sink and pushes the button for the waste disposal. He’s definitely going to go shopping now. “God, I wish this case would wrap up.”

“Yeah, well I wish the wall between our rooms had soundproofing, but we don’t always get what we want, do we?” Jamie reaches past him for their lunch, their cheeks bright red.

For once unsure how to respond. Ben checks his pockets for his keys and whistles for Bart. “Uh, do me a favor kiddo, and don’t say anything like that to your dad, okay? Trust me, we will both be a lot happier if you don’t.”

God, he’d never get laid again.

Face so red it seems to glow, Jamie nods and grabs a bottle of water from the fridge. “Uh huh, no problem there. Just... you know... could you like....”

“Yeah yeah, we’ll keep it down. Go to school.”

He grabs his briefcase and follows Jamie out the door.

It’s going to be a long day; he just knows it.

***

A soft yellow glow bathes the back porch when Ben pulls up in the driveway. From here he can see moths flitting around the light-bulb, casting shadows over the steps. He parks behind Alex’s car, gathers his laptop and jacket, and gets out. Thumbing the key fob to lock the car, he pushes a soccer ball to one side with his foot. How had he not run that over?

Inside the back gate, Lucy’s bike blocks the pathway. He grabs the handlebars and yanks it to one side. At this point, he’s starting to think Lucy leaves it there deliberately just to test her younger father. It’s unusual for it to still be out though; Alex must have deemed it a battle not worth fighting. He probably shouldn’t be so amused by the battle of wills, but he can’t help it.

Weary, hungry, and longing for a cup of whatever that stuff is that Alex makes with milk and spices and honey, he plods up the back steps. Smiles when Bart bounds out to meet him.

“Hey Dork Dog.”

Bart stops long enough to sniff and lick his fingers, then runs out to the lawn.

Ben turns back toward the door, still smiling, and catches his breath. Leaning in the doorway, hands in his jeans pockets, Alex watches him, a small smile playing at the corner of his mouth. God, he looks good. A shiver of need runs through him. He goes to him, drops his laptop bag and jacket, and lifts a little on his toes. Slips one hand up the solid column of Alex’s neck, beneath his hair, and pulls him forward. Presses his mouth to Alex’s; sighs when he feels a warm hand slide around his waist. The tip of Alex’s tongue against his own drives his fatigue down.

With reluctance, he breaks the kiss. Rests his forehead on Alex’s shoulder.

“You want something to eat?” Alex kisses the side of his head.

“Mmmhmm. In a minute.” He feels Alex smile.

“How’d it go?”

Ben sighs. Tomorrow they’ll begin closing arguments and might actually see this case finish. He’s confident they’ll win. He knows they have the jury, and he’s never seen the Prosecutor look so depressed.  Unfortunately, it’s not going to save his junior attorney’s job. Ben likes the kid, but he is not cut out for criminal law. Their client is innocent yet left to his own devices, Rogers likely would have lost the case. As soon as it’s over, Ben will have the unenviable task of telling the youngster that he won’t be remaining with the firm. As a partner, he could just let Human Resources handle it, but he feels bad for the kid. Maybe he can pull a few strings and find a firm that will be willing to give him a shot. Maybe corporate law would be a better fit. God, he hopes so.

“We start closing arguments tomorrow.”  He pulls away from Alex and guides him inside.

“Who’s giving it?”

“I’m going to have to. Rogers is out of his depth, poor bastard.”

The smell of chicken and garlic wraps around him like a blanket, and his stomach rumbles. Whatever it is, smells good.

At the table, a place is set with cutlery and a glass of red wine. Next to it is a second glass. When he’s late, Alex eats with the kids but always sits with him while he eats. It’s a habit Ben has grown to love.

Alex sets a plate in front of him as he sits. Chicken with some kind of creamy sauce and rice. A bowl of salad to the side. He spears a lettuce leaf and shoves it in his mouth, gaze fixed on Alex. He’s grown to love salad, but he’ll be damned if he’s going to give Alex the satisfaction of hearing him say so.

“This beats the hell out of the stuff at the courthouse.” He has a sip of wine. “Exam go okay?”

“Mmhmm.” Alex nods and runs his finger up and down the stem of his wine glass.

Ben frowns. “What’s wrong?”

For a moment Alex says nothing and Ben is about to repeat the question when he rubs his eyes and sighs.

“It really isn’t major and I don’t want you to go overboard, okay?”

“Baby, you’re scaring the crap out of me. What happened? Did something happen at your exam?”

Alex shakes his head, seems to consider for a minute then clears his throat.

“Lulu decided to climb that damned tree this afternoon.”

Oh crap! Ben puts his fork down. Wipes his mouth with his napkin.

“And?” he asks.

“It could have been a lot worse than it is. Just remember that.”

“Alex! What the fuck happened?”

“She broke her wrist and has some bumps and bruises. It’s a simple break, no greenstick or anything like that. We went straight to the ER. They saw us straightaway, and she has a bright pink cast she’s dying to show you.”

His hunger forgotten, Ben stares open-mouthed at Alex.

“Why the hell didn’t you call me?”

Alex lifts one eyebrow. “Uh, you were in court.”

“They could have got a message to me.” He pushes his chair back, meaning to go upstairs and check on Lucy. “I could have asked for a fucking continuance.”

“Ben,” Alex says softly, “sit down and finish your meal.”

“No, I want-”

“There isn’t anything you can do right now. She’s had something for the pain and is in bed. I’ll probably keep her home tomorrow since it’s Friday. You may as well finish eating.”

Chastened, Ben sits back down and picks up his fork. “You still could have called me,” he grumbles.

“I know, and if it had been serious, I would have. If you had just been in the office, I would have.”

“Yeah, but-”

“But nothing, sweetheart. If you’d asked for a continuance, it would simply have added another day to this case, and I don’t think any of us want that.”

Damn it. That actually is a good point.

“If you ever want to exchange nursing for law, you’d probably be pretty good at it, you know?”

“Pass.”

Ben manages another two mouthfuls and half a glass of his wine before his resolve cracks. It’s not that he doesn’t believe Alex; he does. He just needs to see her himself.

This time Alex doesn’t try to stop him. Ben waits while he takes the plate and puts it in the microwave. Experience has taught them that Bart can and will help himself to any food left unattended on the table. The last thing they need tonight is a trip to the vet because of a chicken bone.

Upstairs, all is quiet. A thin line of light is visible under Jamie’s door and they can hear the faint sounds of some film or game. Light spills from Ally’s room; she’s probably reading in the hopes of still being awake to see Ben.

Ben tiptoes into Lucy’s room and sits on the bed. She opens her eyes and gives him a sleepy smile.

“Papa, I fell out of the tree.” She lifts her arm up to show him.

“So, I hear.” He pushes her hair back off her face. “That’s a pretty cool cast.”

“Ally and Jamie and Daddy signed it. Will you sign it too?”

“In the morning I will.” Relieved that she seems fine, Ben kisses her forehead. “For now though, you need to sleep so your poor wrist can mend.”

“That’s what Daddy said too. He said the broken bit has to stay very still and that lots of naps and things will help it get better.”

“Well, Daddy’s a nurse, so you should listen to him.” He pulls her covers up over the cast. “And next time he says no tree climbing, what are you going to do?”

“Not climb the tree.”

Ben smiles at the petulant tone. “That’s my munchkin. No more climbing trees and falling out of them.”

“Okay. What about if I just do the climbing bit and don’t fall out?”

Behind him, Alex sniggers; Ben doesn’t dare look at him, or he’ll laugh too.

“No, I think your tree-climbing days are over, and you can retire a champion.”

Lucy giggles. “You’re silly, Papa.”

“You’re a tough audience. Now snuggle down and go to sleep, please. Love you.”

“Love you back.”

Out on the landing once more, Ben shakes his head. “Passing on your smart-ass talents to our daughter, I see.”

Alex holds his hand to his chest in a show of innocence Ben does not buy at all. “Me? What did I do? You’re the one who taught her about loopholes.” Grinning, he slides his arm around Ben’s shoulder. Ben leans into the embrace and feels the day start to drop away. “Better?”

“Yeah.” He sighs. “I just needed to see for myself, you know?”

“Yeah, I get it.”

They go into Ally’s room to tell her goodnight.

“Hey Al-” His words trail off.

Ally is sound asleep, her book on her face. Ben lifts it up, gently eases her glasses off, and places them both on the nightstand. She turns over, dragging the comforter up over her shoulder. Not for the first time, Ben wonders how she breathes like that.

“Come on,” Alex whispers. “Come and finish your dinner.”

11 - Interlude

“Hopefully that makes three.”

“Hmmm?”

“Polly used to say bad shit comes in threes. The fire. Annie changing her mind. Now Lulu falling out of a tree. That’s three.”

“If you say so. I didn’t realize you were so superstitious.”

“I’m not. It’s just... it’s been a long year.”

“Come here.”

“Here?”

“Mmmhmmm.”

“Um, did you know you’re not wearing pajamas?”

“Mmmhmmm.”

“So now that I’m here, what do I do?”

“I was kind of hoping you might be quiet.”

“Where’s the fun in that?”

12 - Alex

“Going to Leo’s.” Jamie launches themself from halfway up the stairs, lands on the rug, wobbles a little, and then stands straight. “Yes, near-perfect landing.”

Alex groans and shakes his head. “If I catch your sister doing what you just did, sticking the landing will be the least of your problems.”

He marks his spot in his book and drops it to the floor. Alex can’t remember the last time he spent a Saturday afternoon just relaxing. He has his chamomile tea, his book, and his dog on the floor beside him. It feels good. He stands and stretches.

“Who do you think taught me?” Jamie retorts. They execute a somewhat clumsy pirouette. “What do you think?”

Alex fights a smile; he hopes he’s present when Ben sees this outfit.

It’s not that Jamie looks bad. Quite the opposite, in fact. They’ve scraped their hair back into a short ponytail and their blue eyes are lined in black. A pale pink t-shirt has no design but doesn’t need it - it’s stretched tightly enough to show the nipple bar has been replaced with a ring. The garment is tucked into navy shorts that are tight enough to make Alex’s eyes water in sympathy and cut high enough to give a glimpse of the curve of one ass cheek. Even the black tights under the shorts and Jamie’s favorite green Chucks do little to render the outfit innocent.

“You look like Leo’s not going to let you out of his sight.”

A happy grin spreads across Jamie’s face. “Really? I look okay?”

“You look great.” He ushers Jamie toward the door. “Drive safely and call us if you’re going to be late.”

Jamie rolls their eyes. “Yeah, yeah, I know the drill.”

Before they can push the kitchen door open, it swings toward them and Ben comes in.

“Hey, we ran into-” The words come to an abrupt halt when he sees Jamie. His eyes widen and he turns to Alex. “Is he-”

Aware he’s getting his wish to see this very reaction, Alex presses his hand over Ben’s mouth. “Shhh. They. Jamie’s going to Leo’s.”

He removes his hand.

“Dress-”

Alex puts his hand back.

“Leo’s college transfer came through so he can choose his courses,” Jamie supplies.

Either Jamie is misreading the look on Ben’s face, or the thought of Leo actually being back in San Cap permanently has them distracted. Alex’s money is on the latter.

“They’ll call us if they’re going to be late or if their plans change. Now, say goodbye.” He takes his hand away.

“Goodbye,” Ben mumbles. “Be... uh... safe....”

“See you later,” Jamie chirps and disappears into the kitchen.

Neither Alex nor Ben move until they hear Jamie’s car start and see them back down the driveway. Alex braces himself for what he’s sure is coming.

Ben takes a deep breath.

“Were those...” he pauses and frowns. “Was he wearing... I mean, they looked like.... Did we just let our son go out in booty shorts?”

Alex chuckles and sits back down. “They not he. Just breathe, they’re fine; they’re only going to Leo’s. Greg might get a bit of an eyeful but that’s all.”

“Uh, everyone’s getting an eyeful, not just Greg. Did you see how short those things are?”

“I saw.”

“And could that t-shirt have been any tighter?”

“Do I dare ask what you wore on dates at eighteen?”

“Not the point.” Ben runs his fingers through his hair. “I need a drink.”

“It’s totally the point, sweetheart. Come on, this is Jamie - they’re no more going to wear those out somewhere public than I would. They’ll come home and change.” He shakes his head when Ben tips a glass in his direction. “Besides, did you see how happy they were?”

Ben’s expression softens, and he sinks onto the sofa. “Yeah, he... damn it... they did look pretty happy. It’s been a while since they seemed that excited about anything.” He sips his drink. “Do you think it’s something that’s been bothering him... them... for a while? The whole non-binary thing, I mean.”

Stretching out, Alex rests his head against Ben’s thigh and his feet against the arm. “I don’t know if bothering is the right word, but yes, I think it’s been on their mind for some time. I’m surprised it took as long as it did.”

“Because?”

“I don’t know - he... they... have never really liked typically gendered clothes or anything. I mean yeah, there was the whole Goth Punk stage when they first arrived, but I think that’s just being fifteen, isn’t it?”

Ben nods. Yes. All part of being a teenager. “Do you think they’re going to be safe at college?” he asks.

“All we can do is hope. Hopefully, it will be open-minded enough and Leo will keep an eye on them.”

Ben scowls; Alex reaches up and flicks his earlobe.

“Knock it off. Give the poor kid a break.” He frowns and sits up. Looks around the room. “Speaking of kids, where are the girls?”

“Oh, that’s what I was coming in to tell you.” Ben pulls him down onto his lap. “We ran into Christy and Mark and they invited the girls to spend the afternoon with Jake and Eva and us to go over for dinner. Mark’s going to throw some steaks on the grill.” His eyes sparkle. “We are free of kids until six o’clock.”

Alex shifts a little, so he can see Ben’s face better. “Is that so? Until six?”

“Yes. Just you and me.”

“All afternoon?”

“All afternoon.”

“Any ideas for what we could do with the time?”

“I might have one or two.”

Alex pushes himself up on his elbows and tips his face up, ready for the kiss he knows will come. When it does, Ben’s lips are soft, his tongue gentle when it opens his mouth. He runs his hand up the warm, smooth skin of Ben’s neck, pulling him closer.

This, he thinks as he loses himself in the smoky taste of whiskey on Ben’s tongue and the smell of his cologne, this is home. Ben’s arms lock around him and Alex feels everything else slide away. It will be back, he knows - later today or tomorrow - but for now, it’s gone.

For now, there’s just the two of them with an afternoon full of promise.

He breaks the kiss and leans away so he can look into Ben’s eyes.

“Let’s go upstairs.”

***

The shower stops running. Alex smiles at the sound of Ben humming as he moves around the bathroom. This hasn’t quite gone the way he’d planned when he’d suggested coming upstairs. Ben had insisted he have a shower alone and that Alex wait on the bed.

“I’ll make it worth the wait, I promise.”

Alex taps his phone screen to close Best Fiends and drops it on the bed beside him.

He’s still pondering what to do when the bathroom door opens. He glances up and for just a second, thinks he understands what people mean when they say they forgot to breathe.

Ben leans against the door, arms folded over his chest, naked.

Almost.

Alex had forgotten about the present he’d given Ben; they’d been so distracted it had slipped his mind. But now... it’s well and truly got his attention.

Soft pale pink lace sheaths Ben’s cock.  Alex tries to swallow and can’t;  his mouth and throat are sandpaper dry.  Ben turns in a careful circle - not unlike Jamie earlier, Alex thinks but keeps to himself. The movement is slow and measured, giving Alex time to take in the sight before him. From each side, two ribbons of lace stretch across tanned skin. The four ribbons meet in the center, to be held by a small pink bow, just above the crease between his ass cheeks. He bends forward, spreading his feet just far enough apart for Alex to see how the single ribbon disappears into the cleft. It hides nothing and suggests everything. It rests against the skin of his taint and stretches over his ball sac to reach the lace sheath once more.

Everything forgotten - or at least ignored - Alex yanks his shirt off. He toes off his shoes, bends and pulls off his socks, and stands at the end of the bed.

The scar from Ben’s surgery is still a pale line stretching up his chest. His belly is softer now than when they met;  the trail of trimmed hair - also beginning to gray, just like his hair and beard - leads from his navel down to the soft, pink pouch of silk and lace. Alex runs his tongue over his lower lip as he drags his gaze back up Ben’s body to his face. To the gentle, lopsided smile and glittering green eyes, he loves so much.

“Beautiful,” he whispers. It’s not just the lace thong - bought on impulse - that he finds beautiful; it’s Ben too. Everything about him is beautiful to Alex. “So beautiful.”

Ben straightens and approaches. Alex can hear him panting already; can see the rapid but regular beat of his pulse in his throat. He reaches out to run his fingers over the silky fabric of the thong. Over the hard cock to the tip that protrudes from the lace, shiny and damp. He runs his thumb over it, smearing the pearl of precum there. Ben takes his hand, lifts it, and sucks Alex’s thumb into his mouth. He moans softly, licking the digit clean.

When was the last time either of them had been this aroused? Not since before the fire, he thinks as he falls back on the bed.

Ben tugs at Alex’s belt, pulling the worn leather through the buckle. Alex knocks his hand away and yanks the zipper down. Hooking his thumbs in the denim waistband and his cotton shorts, he yanks both garments down to his knees. Kicks at them until they land with a soft ‘whump’ on the floor and his legs are free.

His cock lies against his belly. Hard. Hot. Ready.

Ben places a hand on the mattress next to Alex’s shoulder and, in one smooth movement, straddles him. He slides one hand up Ben’s chest to his neck and pulls him down, desperate to kiss him. To taste him. Presses his tongue into Ben’s mouth, claiming him with a groan that is impossible to contain. Ben nips at his lip. A short, sharp flash of desire races through him, and he deepens the kiss. Alex maps Ben’s mouth with deep, urgent sweeps of his tongue, unable to get enough of the taste and feel of him. Digs his fingers into the smooth, soft skin of Ben’s back.

Finally, breathless and trembling, he pulls back and drags his hands down Ben’s skin, shower-damp still but warming beneath his touch. He grasps Ben’s ass and squeezes the cheeks together, then presses his fingers into the heat of the crease. Drags the single lace ribbon to one side and rubs around Ben’s hole with his fingertip.

“Baby.” The word is half moan, half whisper, and entirely plea. His eyes are shut, his mouth open. A flush creeps up his chest, making the scar stand out even more.

Unable to drag his eyes away, Alex fumbles in his nightstand for lube. Finally, his fingers curl around the bottle and he drops it on the bed. Ben snatches it up and flicks it open. Holds it out and when Alex places his fingers beneath it, squeezes a large blob of lube onto them. Alex reaches back behind him, and ignoring the ribbon, finds Ben’s hole again. Carefully, deliberately, he slides his fingertip in.

Ben whimpers and a shudder wracks his body.

As Alex eases a second finger in, Ben licks his bottom lip, then leans down and takes his nipple between his teeth. Nips then sucks it to a peak. Need sparks in Alex, like fire dancing beneath his skin. He groans, eases his fingers free, and grasps Ben’s ass in both hands.

Ben reaches between them and takes Alex’s cock in his hand. Positions himself above it. Skin just touching skin; it would take only one swift, smooth movement for Alex to bury himself in the heat he knows is waiting.

“Slowly, sweetheart,” he murmurs. It’s been a while since they did this, since they swapped roles. God knows he doesn’t want to go slow - his whole body wound tight as it can go - but he doesn’t want to hurt Ben either. Never wants to hurt Ben.

Ben presses down. A long, low moan rises from him and Alex has to concentrate on the scar on his chest to refrain from just giving in to the desire to thrust up and into him. Into the tight heat that envelops him, inch by inch. Pressing his forehead to Ben’s shoulder, he rests his hands on Ben’s hips in an effort to hold on to some control.

Finally, Ben is seated. Alex slides his hands down his thighs and back up toward the pink ribbons. He arches his back just enough to lift Ben, then eases back down again, lost in the tight heat that grips him. He wishes he had the courage to speak, to say something. Something that would trip all of Ben’s buttons. God to take him by surprise and just make it more than good for both of them;

“Look at how beautiful you are,” he whispers as he rubs his thumbs up over Ben’s still sheathed cock. He can feel the blush creeping up his throat. “Look at you in your pretty lace.”

“Fu... ck, baby.” Ben grinds down on him, eyes wide with surprise.

It takes every ounce of concentration for Alex to continue.

“So beautiful in your pretty panties,”  he murmurs

He slides his hand between Ben’s thighs and scrapes his nails gently over his taint, pulling another shuddering moan from him. Suddenly, he knows what he wants and reaches back to grab Ben’s hand from beside his, Alex’s head.

Turning his face to first kiss the palm and then lick it, he drags his tongue up each finger. With each lick, Ben grinds their bodies together. His garbled pleas, little more than gibberish, drive Alex’s arousal higher.

He grabs Ben’s hand and guides it beneath the pink lace and curls Ben’s fingers around his own cock. “Show me,” he whispers, cheeks heating. “Show me how much you like being pretty for me.”

For a brief moment, Ben doesn’t move. Doesn’t make a sound. To Alex, he seems suspended in time and space, head thrown back and eyes closed. Then, a low, guttural sound, filled with heat, escapes him. He shudders and begins to jerk himself off with rapid, urgent strokes.

Alex makes himself continue to goad him.

“So beautiful.” Alex licks his thumb and rubs across Ben’s nipple, then stretches forward to blow on it. “The most beautiful man I’ve ever known.”

The room fills with the sound of their breathing - sharp and ragged - and random words, recognizable only by their urgency. Half uttered demands and curses. Ben’s muscles clench tightly around him and he mumbles a low curse.

“Oh God, Ben I’m so close.” He grits his teeth, willing himself to hold his orgasm at bay for a little longer. The movement behind the pink lace becomes frantic and Alex feels himself hurtling toward the edge and when he tries to speak, to say something more, all that comes out is a low whimper.

Ben whines, red face contorted and shiny with sweat. He clenches Alex’s cock once more.

“Please,” Alex begs. “You feel so good. Please.” He gets only a soft grunt in response and the soft sound of skin on skin. Need and desire push his natural reticence back when he next speaks. “Please, I need to see. I....” He hesitates once more, then continues. “Please, I want to see you come. In your panties. Please”

“Fuck... fuck baby....” Ben tips his head back, eyes squeezed shut.

Ben jerks forward with a low cry; cum spurts from him, streaking his lower belly and dripping slowly down to the pink silk. Unable to tear his gaze away, him down hard onto his lap as he arches his back, lifting the still whining Ben off the bed. Searing heat grips his cock. The smell of fresh, clean sweat fills his nose and is salt on the tip of his tongue. Without warning, his orgasm is on him and his entire body seems to lock tight.

He rolls his shoulders up from the bed, shuddering and gasping for air. Ben’s mouth covers his, swallowing and silencing his cry. It seems to go on forever and when finally the haze of pleasure lifts, he drops back on the mattress, spent and satisfied.

“Woah,” Ben says in his ear, “where did that come from?”

“Shhhh.” Alex can’t believe he said those things, and he certainly doesn’t want to talk about the fact that he said them. Ben, it seems, has other ideas.

“Nope.” Ben presses a trail of kisses along Alex’s jaw and despite the intense orgasm, his cock twitches. A soft moan escapes him; Ben smiles. “That was fucking hot. Afternoon sex and dirty talk - we have got to get the kids out of the house more often.”

“Please stop talking.” Alex turns his face away. Presses his blazing cheek into the pillow.

Ben lifts himself off and stretches out beside him. Alex turns and, uncaring of the stickiness, of the sweat,  between them, pulls Ben closer. For once he is not bothered by the heavy smell of them that hangs in the air.

“Have I ever told you how sexy it is when you blush like that?” Ben smooths Alex’s damp hair away from his eyes.

“Idiot.”  Alex takes Ben’s hand, presses a kiss to the palm, then kisses his lips. Licks at the faint tang of salt. “I love you.”

“Yeah?” Crinkles form at the corners of Ben’s eyes as he smiles. Alex is transported back to their first date and how beautiful he’d found Ben’s eyes; nothing has changed.

“Yeah,” he murmurs.

13 - Ben

There was a time, thinks Ben as he listens to Abe Montgomery prattle on about whether or not he should be held responsible for his dog crapping on his neighbor's lawn, that on an afternoon this beautiful, he would have shut his office door and taken the girls and Dork Dog down to the beach. Not that he’s complaining or anything like that. God, no; he knows he’s lucky to have the life he has. It’s just that on a hot, sunny afternoon, it can be hard to remember that. Especially, he thinks to himself, when you’re stuck in an office discussing the legal ramifications of dog shit instead of running on the beach with your kids.

Montgomery continues to prattle and Ben, who personally believes that Montgomery is responsible for his dog’s toileting habits but is paid to at least listen to the guy, tries to sound interested.

The past few weeks have crawled along, seeming to be as dazed by the heat as Ben himself is. The kids are all on summer vacation and already bored enough that Alex is threatening to remove all digital devices from the house until they go back to school. Ben isn’t entirely sure what Alex thinks that might achieve but has decided not to question the threat. Alex’s exam results are due any day and although he says he’s fine, Ben knows he threw up yesterday. While hanging upside down from the crossbar of the swing set in the backyard, Lucy had informed him with enthusiasm that ‘Daddy barfed everywhere’ as he’d walked through the gate. Alex had rolled his eyes and insisted that it had only happened once, but Ben’s not so sure. The sooner those damned results show up, the better.

“It’s ridiculous, Larsen.” The patronizing tone sets Ben’s teeth on edge, filling him with longing for Alex’s arms around him. “Ridiculous. I mean, that stupid old hag doesn’t even know if it did come out of my Percy. But you know, even if it did, and I’m not saying it did, but if it did, then what’s the big deal? My Percy barks when people are hanging around her place too. She’s getting a highly trained guard dog protecting her for free and maybe once in a while she has to pick up a turd. It’s not like she has to feed him. Or pay his vet bills.”

Ben pushes his glasses to the top of his head and rubs his eyes. He senses that Montgomery is finishing up and then he, Ben, will have to find a way to tell him that actually, his next door neighbor is within her rights to demand he pick up after his own damned dog.

Five minutes later, he’s still trying to decide how to bring the conversation to a close without annoying one of the firm’s most important clients when there’s a knock on the door. He calls out, “come in.”

Fiona peers around the door.

“I’m sorry to interrupt, but Officer Lewis is here and says it’s an emergency.”

Something in her tone makes Ben’s heart sink. He likes Lewis and not just because he’d been reasonable - beyond reasonable - when Jamie had got into that fight with Sam Jefferson at Ally and Lucy’s school a couple of months back.

“Abe, I’m sorry, I’m going to have to call you back.”

“What do you mean, call me back? With what I’m paying y-”

That’s it. Ben’s had enough and cuts him off, his tone icy. “Yes, I’m aware how much you are paying us, Abe, and I do apologize, but something urgent has come up. I will call you back as soon as I can.”

He thumbs the phone screen, then drops the device on the desk. Stands and approaches Rich Lewis.

“Rich, how are you?” He holds his hand out.

“I... have been better,” Rich says as he shakes it. “Ben, it’s Jamie.”

Oh, God. Foreboding twists Ben’s stomach.

“What is it?”

“He’s on his way to the ER. He’s been beaten up pretty badly.”

Ben’s lingering annoyance with Montgomery slips away, along with his thoughts of going to the beach with the kids. “What the fuck? How bad?” A thought occurs to him. “Was it Leo? Did Leo do it?”

“Leo?”

“His boyfriend.” No, damn it, not his. Their. “I mean their boyfriend.”

Rich shakes his head. “No, not the boyfriend. This was... we have someone in custody already.”

“Who? And what the fuck happened?” Ben starts gathering his things, running through a mental list of what he needs to do. Alex. Oh shit, does Alex know?

“Well, I’ll need to talk to Jamie when he’s able to speak, but the person we’re holding seemed to know his routine-”

Ben holds his hand up. “What do you mean until you can talk to him? I mean them.” Rich had said Jamie was being taken to the ER, but surely that’s just procedure. Right?

Rich places his hand on Ben’s shoulder and takes a deep breath. “It’s bad Ben. He was unconscious when we got to him. They were talking about ICU.”

Unconscious? ICU? Why the fuck are they standing here talking?

He grabs his jacket and phone. “Fuck, I need to call Alex.” He looks at Rich. “Or did you call him already?”

Rich shakes his head. “I came straight to you. I can get one of the guys to pick Alex up if you tell me where to send them. Is he at home or work?”

“What time is it? Two thirty? He’ll be at the Free Clinic up by Eastside Mall. I’ll call him and let him know someone will pick him up.”

As he dials Alex’s number, Ben remembers Fiona and looks around for her. She’s still standing in the doorway, hand over her mouth. Before he can say anything, she offers him a trembling smile.

“I’ll let everybody know,” she says, “then I’ll head over to the house and relieve the babysitter. I can stay with the girls as long as you need me to. Do you want me to call Matt and Claire?”

“Uh yeah, I guess you’d better.” He stops, trying to think of anything else he might have missed. “Maybe let Bill know.” She nods. “Thanks.”

Just as Ben is starting to think the call will go to voice-mail, Alex’s voice is in his ear.

“Hey you. What’s up?”

Rich gives him a thumbs up - a car is on its way to Alex - and Ben follows him to the outer office.

“Babe, listen to me. There is a police car co-”

“A what? A police car? Why?”

“You need to listen to me and stay calm.”

“Stay calm? Why? What’s going on? Are you okay?”

Ben slides into Rich’s squad car. “Baby, please. I’m fine. Jamie...” he falters, drags in a breath and starts again. “Jamie’s in the hospital.”

“What?”

Ben winces and holds the phone away from his ear.

“Ben? What do you mean he’s in hos-”

“All I know is that somebody beat them up.” He holds the phone away again. Rich honks at the driver in front of them, pulls around them and speeds up. “Listen, you know everything I know, okay? We’re almost at the hospital now and there should be a car with you any second.”

“Oh, I-I-I think it’s here.”

“Okay, good. That’s good. I’ll see you soon.”

Without waiting for Alex to respond, he disconnects the call. Five minutes later, Rich parks in one of two spaces designated for police cars and runs his hands around the steering wheel. Ben moves to get out of the car, but Rich reaches out, moving his arm with deceptive speed to grab Ben’s arm.

“Wait. I need to warn you.” he licks his lower lip, and it occurs to Ben that the police officer doesn’t know what to do. “It’s... whoever did this knew what they were doing. It’s... not pretty, okay?”

Oh, God. Oh, God.

“Got it.”

He nods and gets out of the car.

***

At the reception desk, a woman with graying hair pulled into a tight bun at the back of her head and tired eyes behind bright blue framed spectacles looks apologetic when he gives her his name. She asks for his insurance details.

“Of course.” Ben pulls his wallet out, hunts through it for his insurance card, and drops it on the blotter pad on her desk. She glances at it, nods, then hunts through a file for a sheaf of papers.

“He’s still-”

“They. My son is non-binary. Their pronouns are they and them.”

The woman heaves a sigh and slaps a pen on the counter between them.

“Your son,” she says with deliberate slowness, “is in surgery still. Sit down and someone will call you when... your son... is taken to a room.”

Battling the urge to snap at the woman, Ben steps away without another word. He goes to join Rich near the door.

“Still in surgery?”

“Yeah.” Ben peers through the glass panes of the sliding doors, trying to see if Alex has arrived. “What you said before - about it not being pretty - how bad is it?”

“Ben, I don’t think-”

“Look, Alex is going to be here soon, and I need to be able to prep him.”

“I’m not a doctor, Ben. All I can tell you is that they messed their face up pretty bad - nose looked broken to me and I’m pretty sure their jaw too.” He pauses, studying his shoes for a moment. “Looked like a couple of broken fingers, and I’m betting ribs. It doesn’t look like whoever it was used a knife or anything, but they certainly used more than their fists.”

“Jesus.” Ben drags his hand through his hair, insurance forms forgotten. He can’t think of anything else to say; he falls silent again, staring listlessly at the floor.

The soft ‘whoosh’ of the automatic doors makes him look around. He’s relieved to see Alex standing there, still in his tunic from the clinic. He tosses the insurance papers at Rich and hurries over to him. Uncaring of stares and whispers - screw them all, there are more important things to worry about - he pulls Alex into his arms and rests his head on his shoulder.

“Ben? What happened? Is Jamie okay?”

“Still in surgery.”

“Surgery?” Alex’s voice trembles.

Ben pulls away, takes his hand and leads him over to Rich.

It occurs to him that he has no idea what time it is, how long it’s been since Rich appeared in his office. Has it been an hour? More? Less? He should probably check in with Fiona. Instead, he holds Alex’s hand while Rich repeats with seemingly endless patience everything he’s told Ben. Hearing it again doesn’t make it feel any less unnerving he discovers and turns his attention to the insurance forms only to find it doesn’t help either.

Nothing will help until he can finally see and speak to Jamie.

And when he gets to put whoever the fuck did this behind bars.

As Rich falls silent, Ben squeezes Alex’s hand again and settles back to wait.

14 - Alex

“Ben,” Alex whispers as he shakes Ben’s shoulder. “Ben, wake up.”

Craig Johnson, still in surgical scrubs, offers him a sympathetic smile. Alex has worked alongside him several times and likes him. Craig’s a good doctor. He tries again to rouse his husband, this time with success. Rubbing his eyes, Ben sits up and looks around the waiting room. Alex holds out his glasses; he’d removed them twenty minutes ago when he’d noticed Ben had dozed off.

“Shit, did I fall asleep? Sorry.” He gets to his feet and puts his glasses on.

“Is Jamie okay?” Alex asks.

“Well, he should be. He’s pretty banged up, but nothing that we can’t fix.”

“They.”

“Ben.” Alex’s protest is cut short by one look at Ben’s face. He sighs. “Jamie’s not long come out as non-binary. Their pronouns are they and them.”

“Okay, noted. Jamie has two broken ribs and one cracked one. Their jaw is broken, and we’ve had to wire it. Don Marshall did that - best dental surgeon in the region. He’ll be by to talk to you about what happens next with that. A fractured cheekbone, broken nose, and three broken fingers - one of which will probably need later surgery. A dislocated shoulder on that same side. There’s a lot of bruising around his  - sorry, their - kidneys and genitals, though for the moment, that seems to be the extent of it. We’ll get an MRI organized though to be on the safe side. There is some swelling of the brain, but so far it’s not as bad as it could be, so I’m hopeful we won’t need to do a craniectomy.”

“A what now?” Ben says.

Alex slides his arm around his shoulders. “It’s a standard procedure if there is too much swelling. They’ll remove a small piece of skull to allow for the swollen tissue.”

Ben pales at the words.

Craig nods and continues, this time directly to Alex. “All going well, we won’t need to, but just be aware it’s a possibility.” He pauses to take a breath. “Now for the not-so-great news. They came in with a ruptured spleen, and we’ve had to remove it. As you know, Alex, they’ll need meds for the rest of their life, but there’s no reason why that life shouldn’t be a reasonably normal and active one. They’ll just need to be careful.”

“Holy shit.” Ben sinks back into his chair. He’s finally decided to let his beard grow in, and his pallor is accentuated by the dark blond stubble. Alex crouches beside him, ignoring the people around them.

“Ben, Craig knows what he’s doing and if he says Jamie is going to be okay, then they’re going to be okay.”

“I know. I just - how did this even happen?”

“Well, that I can’t help you with guys,” Craig says not unkindly. “We’re going to keep an eye on h... on Jamie for the next few days, but if the nothing nasty turns up on any of the scans, we should be able to move them to a  regular ward in a day or two.”

Alex straightens and holds out his hand. “Thanks. Will we be able to go up and see them?”

“Yeah, of course. They’ll probably be out for a while longer, but I’ll let the nurses know to let you in, okay?”

Alex thanks him again and turns back to Ben. Still pale, he’s polishing his glasses with his handkerchief. He looks up at Alex, eyes wide with shock and worry.

“Did Rich leave?”

“Yeah, he’s gone back to the station to see what’s happening with the guy they arrested. He’ll call us later.”

Alex sits back down and takes Ben’s hand. “Rich said he was down at the boardwalk. Any idea what he was doing?”

“I don’t know. Didn’t he mention he needed to get some stuff copied at the Copy Shop? I know sometimes the kids park along there because it’s free.”

“Was Leo with him? Does he know?”

Surprise flits across Ben’s features and his pale cheeks take on a soft pink hue that makes his freckles even more obvious.

“Oh crap. I didn’t even think of Leo. Rich said Jamie was alone and....” His voice trails off and he scrubs his hand over his cheek. “Fuck.”

“Hey, it’s okay. I’ll call Greg now and let him know what’s happening.”

“It’s not that.” Ben sighs. “When Rich told me what had happened, I asked him if Leo had done it.”

Alex frowns. “Oh, Ben. Why? Leo wouldn’t hurt a fly and he sure as hell wouldn’t do something like this to Jamie.”

“Yeah, I know that... it’s just after what happened ....”

“Okay, stop. You have got to let that go. Especially now.”

Ben holds his hands up in surrender. “I know, I know. You’re right. And I feel like a complete asshole for even thinking it, but to be fair, I had no idea what had happened.”

“That’s not an excuse, Ben.”

“I know. I’m an even bigger asshole for not thinking to call him.”

Alex takes his hand and pulls him to his feet. “I’m not sure I’d call you an asshole. An idiot, definitely, but you’re my idiot. Come on, I’ll call Greg on the way up to ICU.”

***

The only sound in the room comes from the steady beep of the heart monitor and the regular whooshing sound of the ventilator. Still unconscious, Jamie looks small and fragile between the two machines, surrounded by tubes and wires. The ventilation tubing stands out, startling in its pristine clarity against the purple swelling that distorts Jamie’s normally fine features. A clear, plastic dental guard holds his split lips wide enough apart for the tubing to pass without irritating them. Through the plastic, Alex sees the silver wires holding their jaw in place.

There doesn’t appear to be any skin unscathed. Bruises bleed into each other and disappear under bandages. Crisp white bandaging binds their shoulder and hand. A small ladder of butterfly strips reaches from their eyebrow to their hairline. A catheter tube ends in a pouch that contains urine streaked with blood; luckily, his kidneys haven’t sustained any major damage, but they’re bruised and no doubt painful, like the rest of him.

Alex knows without looking under the covers - he won’t intrude on Jamie’s privacy by checking for confirmation - there will be matching bandages wound around their chest, stabilizing their injured ribs. Protecting the splenectomy site.

God, who would do this? Why?

Alex can’t help but remember the last time he was in an ICU. When he and Jamie were sitting next to Ben, wondering if they were going to lose him. He takes a deep breath in through his nose. Forces himself to remain calm. His stomach cramps and rolls, sending a shudder through him.

“You okay?” Ben’s voice is heavy with concern.

Alex forces himself to meet his gaze. “I’m fine. Just... I’m getting far too used to sitting in hospitals next to the people I love, you know?”

Pain clouds Ben’s eyes; he rests his forehead against Alex’s shoulder. Pressing his lips to the top of Ben’s head, Alex gives himself a mental shake.

“I’m sorry, baby.” Ben’s hand is cool on Alex’s neck. “Polly would say it’s because you’re the heart of our family, because you’re the one who is strong enough to take it. She’d be right. If anything happened to you, I’d lose my mind.”

Alex huffs a soft laugh, his stomach momentarily forgotten. “That assumes you haven’t already lost it.” He strokes his hand down Ben’s back. “He’s going to be okay, sweetheart.”

He feels Ben’s smile against his neck, then his breath as he speaks. “They.”

“Hmm?”

“They’re going to be okay. We have to get it right; it’s important.”

Before he can reply, a soft moan rises from the bed next to them. He eases Ben away from him and stands so he can check on Jamie properly.

“Is... are... they waking up?” Ben’s voice is filled with hope.

“No sweetheart. It’s going to be a while.”

He straightens the sheet and checks the numbers on the machine, professional habit pushing back parental concern for now. Jamie’s heartbeat and pulse are regular, if somewhat elevated. The whoosh of the ventilator provides a counterpoint to the beeping monitor.

Sitting back down, he pulls the elastic from his hair. Scrubs his fingers over his scalp to ease the headache that has started.

“Anything from Rich?”

Ben shakes his head. He reaches out as if to touch Jamie, then seems to think better of it and rests his hand on the white sheet instead. Alex covers it with his own; he understands the feeling.

“Is this what it was like when I had my heart attack?”

“Pretty much, yeah. Though you didn’t have this many bandages.”

“What about when that asshole shot me?”

“In comparison, that was a walk in the park. You were never in any danger of much more than an infection that time.”

Ben considers this a moment. “And when Ally was in hospital after -”

“Ben,” Alex cuts him off, “stop. This isn’t helping, so just... stop.”

When Ben speaks again, his voice is so quiet that Alex has to strain to hear him over the sound of the ventilator.

“I'm sorry you’ve had to do this so often, baby. And I’m sorry that the tough stuff always seems to fall on you.” He waves Alex’s protest away. “This is awful.”

“I know.” Alex stands. Bends a little to kiss the top of Ben’s head. “I’ll see if I can find some coffee.”

15 - Ben

Ben raises his left arm and sniffs at his shirt sleeve. Wrinkles his nose. Maybe they should get Matt to grab some clean clothes when he brings their phone chargers.

It’s been a long night broken only by hushed conversations with the nurses or each other. The only sound has been the ventilator that Ben is torn between hating and loving. It’s helping Jamie breathe, so Ben will wheel a truckload of the damned things in here if needs be, but the constant whoosh-whoosh is driving him crazy. Alex doesn’t seem to notice it, which is probably not surprising, but Ben will be happy if he never has to hear that sound ever again.

Neither of them has done more than doze off for a couple of minutes at a time. Each time, Ben would jerk awake, filled with guilt. What if Jamie had woken up? What if... he won’t let himself think about that. Alex says the doctors have done all the right things, and he knows that - he knows it - but that just doesn’t seem enough somehow.

God, he hates feeling helpless.

“Come on, kiddo. Dad and I really need you to wake up now. Please.” Emotion clogs his throat and nose. Squeezing his eyes tight shut, he rests his forehead against the side of the bed. “Please, Jamie.”

A warm weight settles on the back of his neck; comforting and welcome. Alex leans against him, sliding his hand down to rest on Ben’s chest.

A cup of something that does not look at all like coffee is placed on the nightstand next to Jamie’s bed. “I got you some tea. Matt’s bringing some clothes and stuff; he’ll text when he gets here. I told the girls you’d call them in a few minutes.”

“You read my mind.”

“Trust me,” Alex says as he sits down, “it wasn’t your mind that gave you away. I doubt I’m much better, though.”

They sit a while, sipping their tea.

Ben drifts into a half-doze, lulled by the hateful rhythmic whoosh of the ventilator. As he inches toward sleep, his gaze drifts from the numbers on the heart monitor to the white sheet to the butterfly strips above Jamie’s eyebrow to the deep blue of their eyes to... wait!

“Jamie? Kiddo, can you hear me?”

Jamie moans; the sound becomes a panicked groan and they grope at the ventilator tube. Alex, already on his feet, grabs the buzzer and presses it.

“Jamie, honey,” Alex has both of Jamie’s hands in his own and holds them away from the tubing, “you can’t pull that out. You need it for now to help you breathe? It’s okay, I promise. You’re okay.”

Ben’s chest tightens at the fear and confusion he sees in the teenager’s eyes; the heart monitor is beeping crazily and for a second he’s tempted to kick the thing just to shut it up. He barely notices the nurses who push past him to join Alex.

After what feels like an hour but Ben knows is likely only minutes - perhaps a second - order is restored to the room.

Or something that passes for order, Ben thinks. Alex holds Jamie in his arms, murmuring reassurances Ben can’t hear from where he stands by the door. One of the nurses adds something to the IV tube. He wants to protest, but Alex catches his eye and shakes his head.

Already Jamie’s eyelids are drooping; their shoulders soften. They slump back in Alex’s arms. Ben brushes at the tears on his cheek and looks at Alex but can’t form the words he needs. Alex gives him a smile that doesn’t reach his eyes.

“It’s just a mild sedative, sweetheart. They’ll be awake again soon.”

***

The doctors come to check Jamie over around nine and Ben decides he has had nowhere near enough sleep to see the details. Guilt can wait for later. He doesn’t want to be the one who passes out when they take some of those bandages off. Alex agrees with a light kiss on his cheek before ushering him out the door.

Thank God for husbands who are nurses.

In the bathroom, he splashes water on his face and combs his hair with his fingers. Finally, feeling a little more human, he returns to the corridor and drops onto one of the ugly orange chairs at the wall. Whoever thought that color was okay needed to borrow Ben’s glasses.

Someone has closed the curtains across the window of Jamie’s room. Part of him hates it - he wants to see what’s happening - but most of him is relieved. Even from this distance, he’d likely faint if there was any blood. Alex is always asking him how he can watch the movies he likes when he can’t even treat a grazed knee without getting light-headed. It’s simple - with movies, he just repeats in his head, “it’s ketchup, it’s ketchup, it’s ketchup.” The really graphic gore, he just shuts his eyes. And will deny it vehemently if anyone tells Alex.

Ben glances at his watch; he’s been here for less than ten minutes and has spent most of that thinking about blood and ketchup. God, he’s tired.

Stifling a yawn, he calls Matt’s cell to check in at home. He hears Claire calling the girls and when he hears their voices, he has to swallow the lump in his throat before he can respond. He tries to reassure them that Jamie is going to be fine, but before long, both girls are crying, and  Ben is grateful when Claire takes the phone back. She sounds like she’s forcing her good humor when she tells him Matt is making waffles to distract everyone; Ben guesses the girls are still listening and makes a weak joke about needing delivery service.

He promises to ring back when there’s news and hangs up.

Slumping back against the wall, eyes shut, he lists in his mind the people he needs to call. Approaching footsteps interrupt his musing; he lifts one eyelid to see who it is.

Rich Lewis is there but not in his uniform and he’s not alone. Next to him stands a man Ben’s exhausted mind places as a detective he’s cross-examined a few times but can’t remember his name.

Jack something, he thinks. Taylor? Trainor?

“Ben, this is Jack Tyler,” Rich says.

Tyler! That’s it. Ben stands and puts his hand out. Tyler has a firm grip when he shakes.

“I think this is the first time we’ve met outside the courtroom, isn’t it, Detective?”

“Probably. I’m sorry it has to be under these circumstances, Mister Larsen.”

“Please, call me Ben.” He gestures to the empty chairs. “I take it you’re here because you have some sort of news about the man you picked up?”

Tyler scrubs his hand over his cheek and seems to be picking his words with care. Closer now, Ben can see the fatigue that is etched over the man’s face; he wonders if he looks that bad.  There are bags beneath his eyes, and his graying hair sticks out in every direction as if he’s been pulling at it.

None of this gives Ben any reassurance.

“So, did he say anything?” He takes off his glasses and begins to polish them with the end of his tie.

“Ben.” Something in Rich’s tone. Something heavy and weighted down with emotion makes Ben look up sharply, certain he doesn’t want to hear whatever’s coming next.

“Just tell me.”

Whether he wants to hear it or not, he knows he has to. Besides, he’s too tired to dance around whatever the hell it is that’s brought the two of them down here. Tyler clears his throat, dabs at his nose with a large blue and white handkerchief from his pocket, and sighs. Ben watches him fold the handkerchief and put it back in his pocket.

“It seems that he was hired to specifically target Jamie.”

“Hired? You’re fucking kidding, right?” He looks from one to the other. “Right? Who the fuck hires someone to beat the shit out of a kid?”

“Assholes are everywhere. What can I say?” Tyler doesn’t even bother to hide the tired cynicism in his voice. “The guy we have in custody works for a construction company, and in this case, he was hired by his boss for five thousand dollars to... well, do what he did.”

A disquieting thought occurs to Ben as he looks from one cop to the other, and an ice-cold certainty washes over him.

“Is it Peter and Williams Construction by any chance?” he asks with dull resignation.

“Ben-” Rich begins; Ben shakes his head.

“It is, isn’t it?”

Rich nods, his face etched with misery. “Yeah, it is. He says he was hired by-”

“Sam fucking Jefferson.” He takes his glasses off and rubs at his eyes; they’re gritty and sore. “Have you arrested the bastard?”

“My partner is bringing him in for questioning,” Tyler tells him. “When we’re done, I’ll head back and join him.”

“I - that is, we - wanted you to hear it from us and to know that we’re doing everything we can to get him.” Rich places his hand on Ben’s shoulder. “After what happened at the school, it shouldn’t be too difficult. We may need to call you all in to testify if he fights it, though.”

“If? When. That son of a bitch isn’t going to just roll over, Rich.” He puts his glasses back on. “No problem for Alex or me to testify, but I don’t know about Jamie.” He looks from one to the other. “Their spleen was ruptured. They had to remove it. They’re going to be on meds for the rest of their life and God only knows when they’re going to be well enough to come home, let alone go to court.”

“Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that,” Tyler says. “Now, Rich has told me about what happened at the school, but obviously we will have to talk to you about it as well.”

Ben nods and sighs. He has no energy left for anything more

16 - Alex

“Here you go.” Alex holds the straw to Jamie’s mouth, taking care to not press it against the tender, swollen skin of their lips.

Jamie accepts the water with a weak sigh. One eye is swollen shut; the mottled mess of black and purple bruising leads to the gash that required the six butterfly strips. A small crust of blood stripes his nose and a bloodied scrape winds down one cheek.

At least there had been no skull fracture, no major brain swelling. No need for the craniectomy. Alex had tried to downplay that possibility but is pretty sure Ben didn’t buy it.

Jamie’s right hand rests on the covers; uninjured, it is now marred by canulas, tubes, and IV ports. Splints and bandages keep their left hand immobile.

Beneath the covers, more bandages. More bruises. More pain. And, of course, stitches from the splenectomy.

The dental surgeon has been and broken the news that the wires will probably stay in place for six weeks. Jamie had turned their face against Alex’s chest and cried in silence at the words, clinging to him the way they had back when they’d first joined the family.

Yesterday a nurse had told them they had been cleared to be moved from the ICU to a private room. Alex and Ben  - one either side of the bed - had each kept a hand on Jamie’s shoulders as they made their way down the corridor.

This room is smaller but brighter. The walls are a soft yellow; on one, there is a window overlooking a small grassy area with benches. On the other is a print of one of Van Gogh’s sunflower paintings.

Another nurse had appeared almost immediately to administer a series of vaccinations. While Ben had held Jamie’s injured hand, taking care not to squeeze or jostle the broken fingers Alex explained that without a spleen, they’re now vulnerable to viruses and bacteria and need to take all possible precautions now.

Judging by the looks he’d gotten from both Ben and Jamie, he’d not been as reassuring as he’d hoped.

Once Jamie was settled and dozing again, Alex and Ben had decided to take turns staying in the hospital with them for as long as they need to. Alex had taken the first shift, sending Ben home to spend time with the girls, check in with his secretary and get some sleep.

Matt has gone back to the city, but they’d accepted Claire’s offer to stay and help care for the girls.

Alex glances at his watch. Nearly three.

“Dad will be here soon,” he says. “But I’ll be back tomorrow afternoon. You want me to bring you anything?”

A small head shake makes Jamie wince.

“Okay, if you change your mind, let me know.”

“K,” Jamie croaks. Their wired jaw makes some words impossible to pronounce or understand, while others are no problem at all. Ben had joked that they’d have a ventriloquist in the family by the time the wires are removed. Alex had rolled his eyes and called him an idiot.

Neither of them had missed Jamie’s small, tremulous, pain filled smile.

Today, there’s a small pad of paper on the nightstand with a pencil. Currently, there is a single word on the top sheet. Scrawled in erratic, clumsy lettering is the word SORRY.

Heart sore and exhausted, Alex had rushed to reassure Jamie that they have nothing to be sorry about; they’re not responsible for this. Hearing who was responsible had filled Alex with the same white hot rage he’d felt when he’d seen his parents after their arrest. Glancing at the notepad brings a fresh surge of anger.

According to Ben, Jefferson has been formally charged, and bail has been posted. It makes Alex feel sick to know that he’s at home and not in jail. Nobody is surprised to learn that he’s screaming his innocence or that he had simply denied any involvement in the face of his employee’s confession. Not that punishing him is going to help Jamie recover any faster or stop the nightmares they’ve had the past two nights. One had been bad enough they’d had to give them a sedative before they hurt themself even more, thrashing in the bed and trying to scream.

No, it will take more than Jefferson being convicted to stop those - but it would be a start.

Someone knocks on the door, then Ben peers around it grinning widely, tongue between his teeth. Despite the blue-gray shadows beneath his eyes and the fact that he’s wearing Alex’s hoodie for some reason, mischief makes his eyes sparkle and he looks better for having slept in a proper bed.

“Hey kiddo,” Ben says. “ I’ve got something for you.” He steps aside to reveal Leo, who looks as tired and pale as Ben himself. “Found him down at reception. Thought you might like to say hello.”

A soft keen rises from the bed and Jamie holds out their uninjured hand, fingers stretched toward  Leo, who runs to the bedside. He’s about to take Jamie’s hand when he stiffens and turns to Alex.

“I don’t want to hurt him.”

Alex rubs his shoulder. “Just be careful not to bump him too much and avoid the bandaged parts.” He thinks a moment before continuing. “Kissing is probably off the menu because of the wires. You should be good with his cheek though, as long as you’re careful.”

He’s not entirely sure, but he thinks Jamie just rolled their eyes. Or at least tried to. A good sign. He steps away from the bed to give them a moment together and hugs Ben.

“How’d you pull that off?” he whispers in Ben’s ear. “Was he really at reception?”

Ben nods. “Yeah. They wouldn’t let him in, poor kid. Family only. I just told them he is family and that I was bringing him up.” Alex chuckles and kisses the top of Ben’s head. “What’s so funny?”

“Nothing. You’re a good man, Ben Larsen. You know that?”

“Yeah? I thought you had me down as an idiot?”

“The two things are not mutually exclusive, especially in your case.”

17 - Ben

The coffee is bitter and gritty, but at least it’s hot. Ben sips and stretches, feeling each vertebra pop. How in the hell did Alex sleep on that cot the nurses brought in for them? It’s too short for Ben and the mattress, such as it is, feels like that pad they’ve got at home for the girls to practice tumbling on.

Jamie moans and twitches in their sleep. Pain ripples across their face - the swelling seems to be going down, Ben thinks - and their eyelids flutter. Ben puts his coffee down and goes to the bedside. Strokes Jamie’s bicep, perhaps the only part of the teenager’s body that isn’t injured, while murmuring that it’s going to be okay.

Jamie settles back into sleep.

Ben has almost finished the vile sludge masquerading as coffee when Alex arrives. He has a carry bag in one hand and in the other, to Ben’s relief, a cup holder with coffee in cups stamped with Melinda’s bakery logo. Please let that be chocolate cake or brownies or something in that bag. Something decadent and rich and totally unhealthy because, frankly, Ben has not had enough sleep to deal with anything that includes kale.

“Hey, you’re early.” He tilts his face up to be kissed. “I wasn’t expecting you until this afternoon.”

“Claire’s taken the girls shopping, so I figured I may as well come back here.” Alex holds up the bag. “Triple chocolate muffins from Melinda.”

There is a God.

Ben takes one of the cups of coffee, inhales the rich, heady aroma and sips it. Before he can stop himself, he lets out a low, appreciative moan.

“Y’ ‘anna ‘e ayone wi’ yo’r co’ee?”

They turn to find Jamie watching them through half-lowered lids. It takes Ben a couple of seconds to decipher the sounds as “You wanna be alone with your coffee?”

“Well, someone’s sass seems to be returning.” Ben grins. He takes the bag of muffins and returns to the armchair he’s been sitting in since five this morning. Even that is more comfortable than that damned mattress.

Coffee in one hand, muffin in the other, he watches as Alex goes through his routine. Reads the notes attached to the end of the bed, checks the monitors and printouts, examines the IV units and lines. Finally, he turns to Jamie and asks how they feel.

“Li’ shit.” The words - syllables really - are little more than a croak that sounds painful to Ben’s ear.

Alex picks up Jamie’s cup of water and holds the straw to their mouth. Jamie drinks half of the cup and gives a half-hearted nod.

“Dad’s snoring keep you awake?” Alex asks.

“Hey,” Ben protests. “I don’t snore.”

“Yeah, you keep telling yourself that.” Alex rolls his eyes, then squeezes Jamie’s hand. “Did you have breakfast?”

“He did.” Ben puts his muffin to one side and goes to join Alex at the bed. “A tropical smoothie. It looked delicious. I offered to swap my toast for it, but it was a no-go.”

Ben sits back in the armchair, reaching behind him for the muffin and coffee. He offers Jamie an apologetic smile and a promise to take them for muffins as soon as the wiring is removed. He holds a muffin out to Alex, who pales and shakes his head. Ben frowns and files that away for later discussion. Bites into his own muffin and, after the first mouthful, realizes he’s ravenous and is halfway through a second when his cell phone chimes.

He pulls it out of his pocket and peers at the screen. Private Number. He frowns and thumbs the screen.

“This is Ben Larsen.”

“Ben.” The deep voice is hesitant. “Mack. Mack Williams.”

“I have to take this,” Ben tells Alex as he stalks toward the door. Once in the corridor, he keeps his back to the window so neither Jamie nor Alex can see his expression. He suspects he’s not doing a good job of keeping it neutral. “What do you want, Mack?”

“Well, firstly and most importantly, I was calling to see how your son is.”

“Minus their spleen, unable to speak because their jaw is wired shut, broken ribs, broken fingers, multiple contusions including severe bruising to their kidneys and genitals.” During the night, Jamie’s catheter had somehow started leaking and had had to be replaced. Ben had held Jamie in his arms while the nurse worked as quickly and gently as she could to replace it. The bruising covering Jamie’s torso stretched down their thighs and across their penis. The sight had made Ben feel mildly ill, and he’d caught himself squeezing his own thighs together in sympathy. “They’re fucking lucky to be alive. Who the fuck are you employing these days?”

“Ben, you’re right and I’m so very sorry.” Williams's breathing is ragged as if he’s been running. Who knows? Maybe he has. “I was wondering if we could get together maybe over coffee and have a chat.”

Dumbfounded, Ben stares at his phone. Chat?

“You make it sound like they got into a little fender bender, Mack. What the fuck do you want to chat about?”

“Ben, come on, I understand you’re pissed. I don’t blame you. That’s why Jeremy and I want to do everything we can to help.”

“Help? You want to help?”

“Yes. We would like to pay for your son’s medical expenses and any others that you might incur while he’s in the hospital. It was one of our employees who did this, and we feel responsible and as such-”

“One of your employees? One?”

“It appears that Carl Donnelly has a history of violence, and somehow we missed that in the pre-employment screening we do. Obviously, we’ve fired him and I can’t tell you how terrible we feel.”

“Try.”

“Excuse me?”

“I said try to tell me how terrible you feel and while you’re at it, explain why he’s the one you fired. Why haven’t you fired Jefferson?”

When Mack speaks again, his words are clipped and his tone cool. All signs of concern have vanished.

“Ben, come on, you can’t be serious. Obviously, Donnelly is just accusing Sam in order to get a deal of some sort. He acted alone and then panicked when he was caught. This is a terrible thing, but Sam wasn’t involved except maybe in the sense that he didn’t dig deep enough when he was employing Donnelly.”

Ben stares at his phone, fury rendering him speechless for a second.

“You posted his bail, didn’t you?”

“Sam’s? Of course we did. And Jeremy and I thought that since we go back a long way, we’d be able to get you to talk to Anderson in the District Attorney’s office and get the charges against him dropped.”

“Are you for fucking real? Are you seriously trying to fucking pay me off to not pursue the piece of shit you have working for you?” Ben rakes his fingers through his hair. “Sam Jefferson tried to throttle my kid outside the elementary school, in front of their sisters. You know the school I mean. Isn’t Ethan in Lucy’s class? All because Jamie was wearing a kilt.”

“The way I heard it, Ben, Jamie attacked Sam. And Sam was good enough to not press charges.”

“Jesus fucking Christ, Mack,” Ben bellows. A nurse appears at the end of the corridor; Ben mouths sorry and lowers his voice. “Yeah, Jamie punched him, but only after Jefferson had verbally abused him. And what’s more, that sack of shit you seem so hell bent on defending then went on to threaten Jamie in front of us, the school principal, and a police officer. He threatened an eighteen-year-old because he didn’t like what that kid was wearing. And you want to fucking bribe me to get the charges dropped?”

“Be-”

“Mack, do me a favor and shut the fuck up. I will not be asking the District Attorney to drop the fucking charges. In fact, Mack, I will be drawing up the paperwork to hit Jefferson with a civil suit, and if I find that you as a company had so much as a fucking inkling of what he’s like, then I’m coming after you as well. And I promise you do not want that because I will fucking win.” With his free hand, Ben yanks his glasses off and pinches the bridge of his nose. “And while we’re at it, no you can’t fucking pay for my son’s medical expenses.”

Shaking so hard he almost drops his phone, Ben stabs the Disconnect button on the screen. He bows his head, the sound of his own breathing loud in his ears. How dare he? How fucking dare he?  They’ve known each other their entire lives. Went to school together. Hung out in the same groups. Ben has always prided himself on being a good judge of character. Now, he’s not so sure.

When he thinks he might have some control back and is no longer panting, he puts his glasses back on, squares his shoulders, and goes back into the room.

Alex and Jamie stare at him. Alex’s mouth hangs open; his hazel eyes wide with shock. Jamie, pale and trembling, lifts their hand to their mouth then seeming to notice what they’re doing, lowers it back to the sheet.

“What?” he asks.

“You were yelling,” Alex says softly. “Very loudly.” When Ben doesn’t answer, he adds, “the rooms are not soundproof. Well, not against that anyway.”

Oh, shit. Well, no point trying to play it down now.

“That was Mack Williams of Peters and Willliams Construction.” Ben is oddly pleased to see understanding flicker in Alex’s eyes. “He wanted to pay for all of Jamie’s medical expenses.”

“What?” Alex looks as confused as Ben had felt when Mack had made the offer.

“You heard, he wants to pay for all the expenses involved with Jamie’s medical care.” He picks up his half-eaten muffin. He’s not hungry anymore but takes a bite anyway. Chews. Swallows. “All we have to do is ask the DA to drop all charges against Jefferson.”

“No, ‘ucking way,” Jamie croaks.

“That’s what I said too, kiddo. That’s what I said too.”

18 – Alex

“I’ll be right back.”

Alex pats the back of Jamie’s hand and hurries after Ben. He catches him just before the nurse’s station.

“Hey, wait up.”

Ben turns, eyebrow raised but says nothing.

“You going to make me say it?”

“Make you say what, baby?”

Alex shakes his head in exasperation. “Ben, don’t do anything stupid.”

Ben’s grin holds no humor and never reaches his eyes. A shiver runs down Alex’s spine. He repeats his plea; quieter this time. Instead of the cocky reassurance he’d expected, hell hoped for, Ben leans forward and brushes a soft kiss against his mouth. Somewhere behind them, someone mutters something Alex doesn’t catch. He doesn’t care. All that matters is making sure Ben’s not about to do something he’ll regret.

“Don’t worry.” Warm breath against his ear. “Despite what everyone thinks, I’m not really an idiot. Go back to Jamie.”

“Ben, pl-”

“Go back to Jamie,” Ben repeats. “I’ll call you later.”

With that, he turns on his heel and walks down the corridor toward the EXIT sign.

19 - Ben

Ben knows his way around the District Attorney’s offices; he’s been here often enough for and with clients. He’s never been this furious though, and God knows Anderson has made some ridiculous offers in the time Ben has known him. Offers that Ben has rejected with relish, confident in the knowledge that of the two of them, he’s the better lawyer. It’s not about ego. Ben’s lost his fair share of cases. Bet on the wrong juror more than once. But he didn’t make partner because he’s a good lawyer. There are a lot of good lawyers out there. Anderson is a good lawyer.

When it comes to law, the only thing Ben loves more is his family. Ben is a great lawyer.

Anderson’s secretary stands when he approaches, but he ignores her and pushes the door to the inner office open. Anderson isn’t alone. Mack Williams stands at the window.

“You have to be fucking kidding me,” he snarls. “What are you doing here?”

Before Mack can answer, Anderson steps between the two men.

“Ben, good to see you. I was about to give you a call.”

“It better not be to tell me you’re getting ready to cut a deal with that asshole.”

Anderson takes a deep breath but ignores the comment. “How’s Jamie doing?”

“How do you fucking think Jamie’s doing?” Ben folds his arms over his chest and spreads his legs. How many times has he taken this stance while listening to hostile witnesses in court? He turns his attention to Mack. “Since when do you practice law?”

Red floods Mack’s cheeks and he holds his hands up as if surrendering. “Ben, come on, we’ve known each other for years. Don’t do this.”

Ben glares at him.

“Fine,” Mack sighs, “I’ve got someone coming down from Los Angeles this afternoon, but I thought I’d come in and talk to Carl and see if we could find some kind of understanding.”

“You mean you figured that since I wouldn’t play ball you’d try going direct.” He looks pointedly at Mack, but his words are for Anderson. “He tell you he tried to bribe me to talk to you and get the charges dropped.”

“For fuck’s sake, Larsen, I wasn’t trying to bribe you. I was trying to help.”

“You’re trying to protect the son of a bitch who beat my kid up,” Ben roars.

Anderson rolls his eyes and perches on the edge of his desk. “Could you both shut up for a minute?”

Panting, Ben bites his lower lip and stares at the floor. Mack shoves his hands in his pockets and nods.

“I understand that you are upset, Ben, but the truth is our case against Jefferson is shaky.”

“Shaky? What th-”

Anderson holds a hand up. “Let me finish, damn it. Personally, I think he’s guilty as fuck, but what I think isn’t what matters. We only have Donnelly’s word that he was involved and even if we can prove it, it’s still about what I can get a jury to believe and if we can come to an agreement of some sort, it could save us a lot of time and money and everyone walks away happy.”

“Exactly,” Mack adds. “Why not get this stowed away today? We’ll stand guarantor for Sam - you can put one of those ankle things on him so he can go to work and go home. That’s it. You name the length of time. And like I said this morning, we’ll cover Jamie’s hospital bills and -”

Ben narrows his eyes, replaying Mack’s words in his head and has a flash of clarity. He steps up to Mack, anger blazing in his eyes.

“There’s no lawyer, is there Mack? No hotshot coming down from the city this afternoon. You’re bluffing and you,” he turns on Anderson, “are fucking buying it, asshole.”

“Hey, you can’t come in here and talk to me like that.” Anderson is on his feet, face scarlet.

“Really? You are being played. What did he offer? A donation toward your next election? Full house renovation? What?”

“I resent the implication that I’m for sale.”

“I’m not implying it. I’m saying it.” Ben clenches and unclenches his fists; forces himself to think of Alex and the kids as he turns his fury back on Williams. “You want a deal Mack? I’ll make you a fucking deal. I want that motherfucker in jail, where he can’t hurt anybody else. You back the fuck off right now and I won’t include you in the civil suit, but you keep backing your boy and I’ll make sure you go down with him.”

“Oh, give me a fucking break Ben, and while you’re at it, grow the fuck up.” Mack is close enough now that Ben can see the lines around his eyes and smell his sweat. “I’m sorry your kid got hurt. I really am. I’ll personally ensure Jefferson behaves. You know how this works for Christ’s sake, how the game is play-”

Searing rage blanks everything else out. It’s not until his fist connects with Mack’s chin with a dull crack that sends a shudder back through his hand and wrist that he realizes he’s doing it. Mack’s head snaps back, and he staggers away, hand to his face. Ben’s vaguely aware of someone yanking on his jacket and yelling his name.

“My son’s life is not a fucking game, you piece of shit,” he bellows. He rounds on Anderson. “Sam Jefferson threatened my son a few months ago. He did it in front of a police officer after having tried to throttle them. We have the photos of the bruises. Donnelly has named him as the one who paid him to do it. Jamie will testify if needed. You need to make a decision.” He takes a shuddering breath. “Are you going to grow some balls and go after this homophobic douche bag, or are you going to back down? Because let me remind you of something - that election isn’t that far away and Mack here isn’t the only one with a bit of influence in San Cap. And I have more than just a bit.”

“Oh for God’s sake,” Mack snaps. A large red knot has already formed on his chin. “Listen to yourself, Ben. You want to just grab a ruler and we’ll compare measurements?”

Ben ignores him and continues to address Anderson. “You want to run as the incumbent who goes easy on hate crime?”

“That’s not fair,” Anderson whines, but Ben is beyond caring.

“No, what’s not fair is that my eighteen-year-old son is going to spend the next few weeks learning a lifelong medication routine instead of preparing to start college. What’s not fair is that my husband has barely slept in three days, and my daughters don’t understand what the hell is going on. What’s not fair is you even considering a fucking deal with that scumbag. I want him behind bars where he can’t hurt anyone else.”

Anderson marches to the door and yanks it open. “Both of you, get out. Go home and cool off. Ben, I’m going to give you a pass because of what’s happened and you’re not thinking. Go home and get some sleep. Mister Williams, the charges against Sam Jefferson stand, so I suggest you do whatever you need to do, but I would urge you to seriously consider who you are employing and why. And don’t even think about trying to press charges for that punch; we all know you had it coming. Now, despite what either of you think of me, I actually do have things other than you to deal with.”

Mack takes a breath as if to say something, then seems to change his mind. He stalks away, already pulling his cellphone out of his pocket.

Ben waits, in part to avoid walking out with Mack and in part to speak one last time to Anderson.

“I apologize for saying you can be bought; that was out of line.”

“You think?”

Ben spreads his hands in a gesture of supplication. “He used a crowbar Carl- it’s sheer luck that Jamie’s not dead. They had two days in ICU on a ventilator. Their spleen was ruptured, their jaw is broken in three places, they may never father a child,” he swallows a lump in his throat, “and Mack seems to think he can throw his checkbook at it and make it all better. Thank you for not making a deal.”

Anderson nods. “I know you don’t believe it, but I want this douche bag as much as you do. Now please go home.”

20 - Alex

“You did what?”

Jamie, who has been sleeping for the past hour, mumbles and moans, then settles again. Alex pushes Ben toward the corridor. Pulls the door shut behind them and then positions himself by the window so he can keep an eye on Jamie.

“What the hell were you thinking?” he asks.

Ben shrugs and sits down on one of the plastic orange chairs. Leans back and shuts his eyes.

“Baby, I think we can safely assume I wasn’t thinking, okay?”

“It’s not funny, Ben. You could have been arrested. Worse, you could have been hurt. I mean really hurt.” He takes the seat next to Ben and reaches for his hand. The knuckles are visibly swollen, and when Alex runs his fingers over the soft skin of the inner wrist, Ben grimaces. Carpal bone fracture probably judging by the bruising that is starting to surface. “As it is, you’re going to need this strapped at least and you probably should get a cast.” He groans. “Lulu is going to love it.”

Ben chuckles. “Yeah.”

“Still not funny,” Alex murmurs. He sighs. “I’ll ask one of the nurses for some bandaging.”

“Does this count as playing Doctor?”

“I’m not even going to dignify that with a response.” He lets go of Ben’s hand and rubs his thigh. “Please don’t do anything like that again.”

“We’ll see.”

That’s the best he’s going to get, he supposes.

They sit in silence for a while, Alex watching Jamie through the window, Ben dozing against his shoulder. When Alex shifts slightly, trying to get comfortable on the hard plastic, he hears a rustling sound in his pocket. Oh God, he’d forgotten about that. He’d meant to talk to Ben earlier about it and then had got sidetracked.

Taking care to not jostle Ben too much, he takes the envelope from his pocket and slides his finger under the flap. Removes a single sheet of paper.

“What’s that?” Ben asks.

“I thought you were asleep.”

“Resting my eyes. What is it?”

Unsure why, Alex bows his head, embarrassed. “Exam results.”

Immediately Ben is on his feet. Alex looks up and his heart aches at what he sees. He can’t remember the last time Ben looked so tired and disheveled; not even the night of the fire had he looked this rough. His shirt hangs loose over his jeans, a coffee stain on one sleeve. Something is smeared over the right lens of his glasses. Alex stands and takes them gently off him, cleans them and puts them back. His beard needs trimming and his hair sticks out on end as if he’s been raking his fingers through it. A small huff of laughter escapes Alex - of course he’s been doing that. It’s Ben’s tell.

“Are you finished grooming me? Are you going to tell me what the results are? Or,” Ben makes a grab for the envelope, “I could read them myself.”

Alex holds the sheet of paper out of reach. “I passed. I made the honors list.”

“Of course you did. Overachiever.” Ben grins. “So you’re a qualified counselor now? Therapist? What do I call you? Apart from mine.”

Rocking his hand from side to side, Alex shakes his hair back, away from his face. “I don’t know really. Guess I haven’t thought about it much. Besides, I still have to get my license, so you can’t really call me anything yet.”

“Mine. I’m calling you mine.” Ben throws his arms around him. “I’m so proud of you, baby. We all are.”

Feeling both pleased and a little shy, Alex winds his arms around Ben, pulling him close. Kisses the side of his head. Unaware he’s doing it, he lets one hand drift down the length of Ben’s back to finger the hem of his shirt. Reassured, he tightens his hold on Ben and fights the tears that threaten.

“Ben?”

“Mmmmm?”

“I’m glad you punched that bastard. Thank you.”

“Anytime, baby. Anytime.”

21 - Ben

“Papa, is Jamie coming home today?” Lucy stabs a piece of pancake with her fork.

“Hmmmm?” Ben looks up from his phone.

“You’re not supposed to have your phone at the table,” Ally scolds. Ben looks at her over the top of his glasses; she grins back, clearly unbothered. “Daddy said no tech at tables.”

“That’s right,” a voice behind him agrees. Alex leans over him and plucks the phone from his grasp. “No tech at the table. And yes, Jamie is coming home today.”

Ben considers protesting the loss of his phone, decides his chances of another pancake are likely to be higher if he doesn’t, and tops up his coffee instead.

“Do they look like a robot with all the wires in their face?” Lucy asks.

Ben snickers at the image. “No, honey. You can’t see the wires.”

“Oh.” She looks disappointed. “But how do they eat? And talk? Can they clean their teeth?”

Aside from a string of ‘why’ from Lucy when they’d first been told that Jamie’s pronouns were they, not he, neither girl had been bothered or even that interested in the news. Ally had announced that it made sense since Jamie likes skirts and makeup as much as ‘weird boy stuff’ though no explanation of what the latter might be has been forthcoming. Within a day or two, only the adults were making the occasional slip - something Lucy took great delight in correcting.

“They have lots of soft food and smoothies and a special soft toothbrush like you had when you were a baby,” Alex says, dropping a pancake on Ben’s plate. “Now enough chatter, eat your breakfast and then you can go and clean your teeth, please.”

“How about you sit down and eat yours?” Ben suggests. “Breakfast, not teeth.”

“Dad!” Ally scowls. “Gross.”

Alex has stripped and remade Jamie’s bed with fresh linen, made pancakes for breakfast, packed lunches for Lucy and Ally, and been for a run with Bart. There might not have been any more throwing up - at least not yet - but Ben recognizes a stress response when he sees one.  He pushes Alex’s plate closer to him, and when Alex lifts a forkful of pancake to his mouth, relaxes and pours syrup over his own plate.

“Wow. Got enough  there?” Alex asks.

With a slow, deliberate motion, he tips the bottle up again. Giggling, Ally and Lucy look from one to the other, waiting to see how this will play out. Or more likely, he thinks, who’s going to win.

Ben props his chin on his hand and waits.

Alex leans closer. “You are having salad for dinner.”

Grinning and pleased with himself, Ben closes the distance and, ignoring the protests from the other side of the table, kisses him. When he breaks the kiss and pulls back, he’s happy to see that Alex is smiling despite shaking his head.

“You’re still having salad.”

He shrugs. Totally worth it.

***

Ben drops his cellphone on the table in front of him and rubs his eyes. It’s been a long day, but at least Jamie is home and seems to be on the mend. Which is something he supposes.

Alex comes in carrying a variety of cups, glasses, and plates that he takes straight to the sink.

“Am I the only person in this house who returns their crockery to the kitchen?” he asks.

“Probably.” Ben grins at the scowl this elicits. “Might as well accept it now and save yourself some grief.”

“Or you could all just bring your cups and plates back.” Alex rinses the pieces in question and stacks them in the dishwasher. “Girls are asleep, and I don’t think Jamie will be far off.”

“Good.” Ben stretches and goes to the fridge. Takes out a bottle of white wine; gets two tumblers from the cupboard beneath the counter, and fills them two-thirds full. He hands one to Alex, who snorts.

“Classy.”

“Convenient.”

The wine is crisp and dry, exactly how he likes it. Around them the house is quiet for the first time since the girls got home and as much as he’d enjoyed having everyone together again, Ben has to admit the peace is not unpleasant.

“Anderson called while you were hunting for plates.”

Alex freezes, glass halfway to his mouth. He raises an eyebrow but says nothing.

“Apparently Peters and Williams fired Jefferson and are officially distancing themselves.”

“Took them long enough.”

Ben isn’t surprised by the sentiment; only by the fact that Alex has voiced the words. When they first met, Alex would never have criticized anyone. Not even assholes like Mack Williams had turned out to be. Now... well, now he’ll go to battle if he thinks he needs to. Ben knows that because Alex understands Jamie better than most people, understands what it feels like to be rejected and abused, he has taken what happened hard. Possibly almost as hard as Jamie has.

He also knows that over the past five days, as they’ve waited to see if Jamie was in fact recovering, waiting at yet another bedside for someone he loves to wake up, things that have been long absent have started to appear. This morning as they’d gone into the hospital, Alex had held onto the hem of Ben’s jacket. The house is almost hospital sterile in its tidiness.

And the hollows in Alex’s cheeks tell him that either Alex hasn’t been eating ... he sighs and opens the fridge again. Takes out the leftover chocolate cake Melinda had sent to celebrate Jamie’s discharge from the hospital and cuts a slice. Holds it out to Alex who shakes his head. That he doesn’t tell Ben he shouldn’t be having any either simply confirms Ben’s suspicions.

“Okay, this is how this going to go, baby.” Ben takes Alex’s hand and places the cake in it. “You are going to eat this while I tell you what else Anderson said, and I won’t ask you how often you’ve been sick in the past few days.”

A blush creeps up Alex’s face; he takes a bite of the cake. Guilt for not having noticed sooner turns the wine sour on Ben’s tongue, and he promises himself to pay better attention.

“An hour ago, Jefferson pleaded guilty to the conspiracy to commit murder charge.” He holds his hand up to forestall Alex’s words. “Let me finish. Donnelly spilled his guts about something else, but I need you to stay calm.”

“Ben?”

“Eat your cake.” He puts his finger under Alex’s hand and nudges it toward his mouth. Alex glares at him but takes a bite of the cake. “That’s better. So it turns out that Mack employed Jefferson a little over a year ago, then Jefferson employed Donnelly as a site supervisor. Part of Jefferson’s job - and he in turn enlisted Donnelly to help - was to scope out new land packages and new potential clients. Care to guess who has the contract to rebuild the Masters' place? And the Healey’s over on Jackson?”

Alex’s mouth drops open. “Wait, are you saying he’s behind the fires? Christ, Ben that’s awful. Did Mack know? Was he involved?”

“From what Anderson told me, it doesn’t look like it, but obviously, there’s going to be an investigation. Best case, they’re going to take a huge hit to their reputation.”

“No fucking kidding.” Alex puts the last of the cake in his mouth; chews slowly. Swallows. The color drains from his face. “Ben, does that-”

“Wondered how long before you’d make the connection.” Ben sips his wine. “Yes, ours too. But ours wasn’t to get the contract.” He hears the bitterness in his voice. “No, we were a bonus for the son of a bitch. I’m sure I don’t need to draw you a picture.”

Still pale, and the hand holding the now empty plate shaking, Alex looks as though he’s been sucker-punched, which Ben supposes he has in a way. “Can they prove it?”

“Donnelly confessed and dropped it all at Jefferson’s feet. Jefferson pled guilty to conspiracy to commit arson, and between that and the murder charge, he’s looking at ten to twenty at least. Which might not seem like much, but it actually is, and it means this doesn’t get dragged out. None of us want that.”

“No.” Alex runs his fingers through his hair. “I don’t want that, especially for Jamie.” He puts the plate on the counter and looks at Ben incredulously. “Is it really over?”

Ben hooks his finger through the belt loop on Alex’s jeans. “Yeah. Now, all we have to do is get Jamie better.” He steals a kiss, smacking his lips at the taste of chocolate and wine. “And get you eating properly again.”

“I’m eating.”

“Uh huh.” He grabs the bottle, his glass and the plate with the cake on it. “Come on, let’s go in the other room and see which of us can eat the most chocolate cake.”

“Ben!”

“Unless you want to talk about your stomach, I suggest you hustle. And bring the forks.”

22 - Alex

Alex doesn’t know what to say. What to think. He’s not sure what he feels. He’s not even sure he fully understands what Ben has told him. Sam Jefferson had their house destroyed because he and Ben love each other? Tried to have Jamie... killed. His stomach cramps and without thinking, he presses the back of his hand to his mouth.

“Alex?” Ben’s tone is colored with concern making Alex’s stomach cramp again.

Ben wasn’t entirely wrong in the kitchen - Alex has barely been able to eat all week, and more than once, he’s had to make a dash for the restroom as what little he’d eaten has violently returned. That Ben hasn’t noticed has been an indication of how worried for Jamie he’s been, but it’s also been a relief. Jamie is what matters, not his stupid stomach.

The trouble is every time he lets himself think about what happened, think about someone trying to kill Jamie... he shudders.

“Baby? You okay?”

“I wonder if he’ll meet my father in jail.”

Ben chokes on a mouthful of wine. Alex sinks onto the coffee table.

“Sorry.” He shuts his eyes and presses his head against Ben’s stomach. “It’s over.” It’s not a question. Just a statement. Maybe if he keeps saying it, he’ll believe it.

“Yeah, baby, it’s over.”

He wraps his arm around Ben’s waist as if holding him close will somehow anchor him into a reality where they don’t have to deal with emergency calls or investigations or daily medicine routines. Where they don’t have to be scared to answer the phone anymore.

Ben’s body is warm against his cheek. He’s always warm; he tends to run hot. Alex snorts. Of course he does.

“Care to share?” Ben asks

Alex looks up, still smiling. “I was just thinking that you tend to run hot.”

“Well, duh. I keep telling you, I’m hot.”

“Uh huh.”

Alex runs his hands up Ben’s sides and back down; presses his thumbs into the warm, firm muscle above his belt. Presses a kiss against Ben’s belly. Smiles. Every couple of months, Ben says something about joining the gym again and Alex offers to go with him; they still haven’t done it. They’re healthy and fit and Alex doesn’t care if Ben’s six pack has become what Jamie and Leo call a dad bod.

When he looks up again, Ben is watching him, eyes dark and heavy with desire. It’s been weeks since they made love last, and suddenly all Alex wants is to be stretched out beneath him. To feel his cock inside him. Smell his sweat, taste his skin. Watch the way he shuts his eyes when he’s on the point of orgasm and the way he says Alex’s name when he comes.

“I can hear you thinking, baby.” Ben's hands are gentle as he cups Alex’s face to tip it back just a little.

The kiss is whisper soft and barely there. Little more than a hint of what is promised. The tip of Ben’s tongue dances across the seam of Alex’s mouth, sending sparks of arousal through his entire being.

Alex stands, hands on Ben’s hips. Clinging as if he’s scared to let go.

The kiss deepens; Ben traces his mouth, exploring like it’s their first kiss. Nips at Alex’s bottom lip, sending sparks of need skittering through him.

Oh God, this feels good.

He’s hard already and if Ben were to push him back onto the sofa, he wouldn’t protest. Not even for form. Just as he’s about to suggest the idea himself, Ben pulls away. His green eyes seem to glitter in the lamplight, his mouth swollen and shiny wet. Alex’s gaze drifts down Ben’s body to the hard outline of his cock in his jeans. Ben adjusts himself with a soft hiss, then holds out his hand.

“Come on.”

Alex moves to start turning out lamps, but Ben’s hand on his shoulder stops him. Leave them. He’ll come back down later. He doesn’t argue; he lets Ben lead him up the stairs behind Bart.

Shutting the door behind them, Alex leans against it, trying to catch his breath. To calm down. He doesn’t want this to be over too soon. He watches Ben take off his shoes, then his socks, and mirrors the action.

When he straightens, Ben is shirtless and his belt hangs unbuckled against his jeans. Alex tugs his own shirt free of his pants and pulls it over his head without unbuttoning it. It catches on his watch and he has to flick his hand a couple of times to get rid of the stupid damned thing.

It takes just two strides to be at Ben’s side. To be able to touch warmth. He ducks his head and kisses first his mouth, then the line of his jaw. Kisses and nips his way down the firm column of his neck to the hollow of his shoulder. There he lingers to lick at the tender skin. Scrapes his teeth over the spot.

“Alex.” The word is faint, a whisper against his ear.

Alex rocks his hips forward, pressing against him. Feels his erection against his own and rocks his hips again, both loving the friction of his jeans and frustrated by it; it’s not enough. He grabs Ben’s hand and shoves it between them, trapping it there. Ben rubs his thumb down Alex’s length; ducks his head to nip at one bare nipple.

Hands on Ben’s hips, Alex walks him back the couple of steps toward the bed. Stands for a moment, nibbling his bottom lip. Ben stretches up and covers his mouth, pressing his lips apart with his tongue and taking back control. Teeth and tongues clash; Ben grips the zipper on Alex’s jeans and drags it down. Oh God that feels better and worse at the same time. He no longer feels trapped by the fabric of his pants while at the same time desperate to feel Ben touch him.

“You have way too many clothes on.” Each word is punctuated with a kiss to Alex’s shoulder.

“You can talk.” Alex pushes his jeans to his ankles and kicks them off. Runs his hand over his still cloth-covered cock. A small wet patch is forming on the cotton fabric of his shorts; he’s starting to worry that all Ben will need to do is touch him and he’ll come.

Ben sits on the edge of the bed, leans back and unbuttons his fly. Alex watches, teeth now sunk into his lip, as he takes off his jeans and briefs and rests back on his elbows, waiting. In seconds, Alex discards his shorts and stretches out beside him.

“Finally,” Ben murmurs, pushing himself up on one elbow.

Alex shimmies up on the bed and opens his arms and lets his thighs fall open.

“Oh fuck, look at you....” Ben breathes as he moves over him, eyes locked on his. His cock hangs heavy and hard, the tip shiny with precum already. He runs one finger down Alex’s length, cups his balls. Alex can’t hold back a whimper when Ben rubs a circle over the skin; he wants more. Needs more.

“Ben,” he pleads.

“Shhh, I got you.”

Then his hand is on Alex’s cock and all Alex can do is try to recite the multiplication tables to keep himself from coming. Ben holds his fingers up to Alex’s mouth and orders him to suck. When he’s satisfied they’re wet enough - or maybe just too horny to wait, Alex isn’t sure and doesn’t care - he presses his fingers to Alex’s taint.

“Please,” Alex begs. He tilts his pelvis up so Ben’s fingers slip down to his hole. When Ben finally presses his finger in, Alex groans and rocks down to take him all the way in.

“Oh fuck, baby. I don’t want to hurt you.” Ben’s voice is rough and broken.

“You aren’t. You won’t.” He closes his eyes and, cheeks pinking, curls his fingers around his cock. Strokes gently, trying to stay calm.

“Yeah. Like that,” Ben encourages him and curls his finger against Alex’s inner walls. As he does, he scrapes against his prostate. Alex cries out and bucks, precum easing the way for his cock. Ben adds another finger, and before Alex can catch his breath, a third. Alex cries out, lost in the sensation.

“You, please Ben, I need....” He trails off, unable to complete the request.

“Yeah, I know.”

Alex watches with growing need as Ben fumbles in the nightstand for lube. Pulls out a tube and squirts some over his fingers. He smears it over Alex’s hole, pressing it into him, then adds some to his cock. He grabs Alex’s hips; pulls him closer.

Ben stretches out over him; for a second Alex can barely breathe. Ben positions himself, then grinds down.

Oh God, yes.

“Damn, you feel good,” Ben moans.

Alex lifts up, sliding Ben all the way in. Bites down on his lip to keep from crying out. Lets go of his cock and grips Ben’s ass, urging him deeper. Faster. Ben pulls almost completely out, just to slam back in with a low, wrecked moan.

Alex knows he won’t last. It’s been too long, and  he’s too desperate, but he doesn’t care. He’s hardly aware of wrapping his legs around Ben’s waist or digging his heels into his ass muscles. Oh God, it just feels so fucking good.

“Ben, I can’t hold on,” he whispers. His orgasm is already building, lifting his balls, taking his breath. He’s so close. Lost in the sensation of Ben’s cock and his own hand. Ben buries his face in his shoulder and rams into him again, nailing his prostate.

It’s too much and his orgasm seems to explode from him, making him cry out in pleasure as cum stripes his chest.

Ben thrusts into him hard and fast now, driving the intensity even higher. He slams in one last time, shaking with the force of his own orgasm as he moans “Alex” over and over. Alex moans and clenches around him, vaguely aware of a smaller spurt of cum against his skin.  Finally, Ben stills and he drapes himself over him, lips moving against the damp skin of his shoulder.

Alex drags his fingers up the length of Ben’s spine, loving the shiver it provokes.

“I think we needed that,” he whispers.

“Mmmmhmmmm.”

“I love you.”

“I love you back, so that works out well.”

Alex chuckles and immediately regrets it. “I need a shower.”

“Need someone to wash your back?”

He kisses Ben’s cheek.

“Uh huh. Wouldn’t want to miss anywhere.”

23 - Interlude

“Baby?” “

“Mmmmm?”

“You awake?”

“If I say no, will you stop talking?”

“Do you think Jamie’s going to be okay?”

“In time, they will be.”

“Okay.”

“Go to sleep, sweetheart.”

24 - Ben

“I’m heading home, Fiona.” Ben checks his pockets for his keys and phone, pulls the door shut behind him, and gives Fiona a tired smile. “So should you.”

“In a few minutes. Wires come off, okay?”

“Apparently, yes. X-rays are looking good, according to Alex. Still looks like a jigsaw puzzle to me.”

Fiona leans over her desk and pats his hand.

“That’s why you do the legal stuff and he does the medical stuff, honey. Now, shoo. Go home and play with your kids. Kiss Alex for me.”

“Will do.”

The best thing Ben can say about the past few weeks is that at least nobody seems to be out to inflict physical harm on his family for a change. Which is not to say, he ponders as he unlocks his car, that the time has been pleasant or even quiet. Jamie seems to have mastered the daily medication program, but an infection set them back a week in terms of healing and likely a good month in terms of Jamie’s frame of mind. Alex had said in passing this morning that it was worse for Jamie than for any of them, but Ben isn’t sure that’s necessarily accurate. Jamie’s mood has been so dark over the past two weeks that he suspects even Dork Dog has been looking forward to today.

To add to the fun, there’s been a delay on the house due to a supply shortage for some product or other that goes into the foundations. Alex had said a delay was better than the house falling down around their ears, which Ben supposes is technically true, but it hadn’t improved his mood at all.

The proverbial icing on the proverbial cake had been Ally coming home from school in tears because although Logan Jefferson had left the school, he had managed one last parting shot before his mother whisked him out of San Capistrano Elementary forever. Apparently, the ten-year-old bully had informed her that Ben, Alex, and Jamie were all going to burn in hell for telling the lies that sent his Daddy to prison and that just as soon as he, Logan, is big enough, he’ll be back to get them and her. A discreet investigation revealed that Jefferson’s wife had taken her children and left San Cap entirely. Alex says he pities the kid being raised in such a sea of hatred. Ben loves his husband, but some days he wonders if it’s possible to be too nice.

Probably not.

He’s turning into their street when the phone rings. Lena’s name flashes on the screen and for a second Ben allows himself a moment of hope as he taps the connect button on the steering wheel. Good news would make a nice change.

“Hey Lena, how are you?”

“Hey yourself, kid. Things settling down in your world?”

“About as much as they ever do, I guess.” He tells her briefly about the house, the aftermath of Jefferson being jailed and finally catches her up on Jamie. “There have been some nightmares and Alex says there will likely be more yet. He took them to get the wiring removed this afternoon, and apparently, we’ve taken a few steps back from the edge of the world in that department at least.”

“Poor kid,” Lena sympathizes. “Must have been awful. Couldn’t even defend themself against your dad jokes.”

“Hey, my dad jokes are gold.” He parks behind Jamie’s car and unbuckles his seat belt. “So what can I do you for, lovely lady?”

“Well, I was wondering if you and Alex are going to be around tomorrow and if so, could I drop down to discuss something with you?”

“I can’t see why not? Coffee or margaritas?”

“Let’s say margaritas, so I’ve got time to run a few errands first.”

“Okay, no problem. Text me when you’re leaving the city and we’ll be ready when you get here. Want to give me an idea of what’s going on?”

“Um... you know what? No, I don’t think I will. It would be better if we discussed it in person. With margaritas.”

Okay, that’s weird.

“Sure thing. See you tomorrow around three?”

“Sounds good. Kiss Alex for me.”

Everyone seems to want to kiss Alex today he thinks as he collects his briefcase and jacket. Not that he’s complaining - there are worse errands to run. Still, it would be nice if someone wanted to kiss him from time to time.

Grinning to himself, he wonders what Alex is going to have to say about that.

***

“What do you think she wants to talk about?” Alex leans against the counter and sips his beer.

“Like I said, I don’t have the slightest idea.” Ben tugs his tie off and drops it on the table next to his beer. Flicks the top two buttons on his shirt. “Just that she doesn’t want to discuss it over the phone and that she’ll be here around three tomorrow afternoon.”

“Who will be?”

Ben twists in his chair to grin at Jamie. They’re in the doorway, arm in arm with Leo. “We have speech,” he proclaims. “How’s it feel?”

He pushes a chair out from the table with his foot and nods at it. Flicks a look at Alex when Leo takes the chair and pulls Jamie onto his lap, wrapping a protective arm around their waist. Jamie rests their head on Leo’s shoulder and gives Ben a shy smile.

“Weird. Kind of achy, but it’s okay.”

“That will pass,” Alex says. He puts sodas in front of Jamie and Leo and takes his seat. “Taken your meds?”

Jamie rolls their eyes. “Yes, Dad.” They help themself to a banana from the fruit bowl. “I don’t see why I can’t have cookies yet though.”

“Because we need to be sure that everything is stable.”

“Besides,” Ben says, “bananas are great for practi - ouch!” He bends to rub his ankle, glaring at Alex. Leo sniggers against Jamie’s shoulder. “Why did you do that?”

“You know damned well why.” Alex narrows his eyes and shakes his head. “Knock it off. Anyway, what do you think she wants to talk about?”

Ben sighs. “I told you, I don’t know.”

“What? Who wants to talk about something?” Jamie asks again.

“Lena’s coming down tomorrow and wants to talk to us,” Ben explains. “Your Dad seems to think I know what she wants and am withholding information.”

“Wouldn’t put it past you,” Alex mutters.

“It’s got to be about a baby, doesn’t it?” Excitement lights Jamie’s face and the sight warms Ben; he feels better than he has in weeks watching the teenager.

“One would think. Hope. But she didn’t want to talk about it on the phone, so we will just all have to wait until tomorrow, won’t we?” He looks at Jamie and Leo over the top of his glasses. “So, are you two going out tonight?”

Leo’s gaze flicks from Ben to Alex before settling on his fingernails. Jamie shakes their head.

“No. I think we’ll just stay home and watch a movie with you guys.”

Something in their tone bothers Ben, but he’s not sure what. He looks at Alex and raises an eyebrow. Gets a tight head shake in reply.

“Not that I have a problem with that but aren’t you a little sick of our company after all this time?”

“You’re okay for old dudes,” Jamie replies, a half smile playing on their mouth. “Leo’s folks have invited us for a barbeque on Sunday for lunch.”

“I’m going to let the old dudes crack slide because you’ve been wired pretty much silent for a month, but it would be my legal opinion that continuing to throw that sort of remark around could result in a definite lack of allowance in the not so distant future.”

Jamie grins and stands up. Kisses Ben’s cheek. “Nah, I’m safe. You love me. We’re going to go help Lulu with that new Lego set.”

Ben nods and waits for them to disappear back into the living room. Listens to Jamie calling to Lucy and telling Bart to move out of the way. By tonight there will be Lego everywhere and both he and Alex will be complaining about walking on the stuff.

“Why did we buy yet another new Lego set?” he asks Alex.

“Because all the Lego was lost in the fire and we’re building it back up.”

“Yeah, but wasn’t that a good thing?” This time he gets his foot out of the way before Alex can kick him. “Don’t go complaining to me when you walk on it. Be your own fault for wanting to be a good parent.” He lifts his beer to his mouth then puts it back on the table. “Should we be worried?”

“About Lego?”

“And I’m the idiot? Of course not about Lego.” Ben waves a hand toward the living room door. “The whole not going out tonight. I mean the nightmares are one thing. Are they too scared to go out, do you think?”

Alex spreads his hands in a who knows gesture. “I talked to them earlier, and they said all the things a parent wants to hear. Wants to take it easy, happy to have a quiet night in, no point rushing, blah blah blah.”

“But?”

“But they’ve been through something really traumatic, and yeah, I think they’re scared. It’s going to take time. All we can do is be here and make sure they know that.”

Ben takes his glasses off and rubs his eyes. Remembers being eighteen and the worst thing he’d had to worry about was whether that guy on the visiting debate team had been giving off the vibes Ben thought he was. He had.

God, he can’t even imagine what Jamie must be going through. He gropes for Alex’s hand.

“I’m suddenly glad I have a pet shrink in the house.”

“Idiot.” Alex squeezes his hand and sighs. “So... what do you think Lena wants to talk about?”

25 - Alex

Is there some sort of unwritten law that says for every Lego piece you see, another three will be hidden until you walk on the damned things? Alex drops half a dozen Lego pieces into the box next to the sofa while scanning the living room for more. Makes a mental note to tell Lena to watch where she’s walking.

In the kitchen, he tops up his tea, checks the kids in the yard, and sits down at the table. He takes a banana and, with a sigh, begins to peel it. Remembering Ben’s comments last night, he laughs and takes a bite.

“Working on technique or gag reflex?” Ben asks from the doorway. Alex scowls and makes a deliberate show of biting a chunk off and chewing it. Seemingly unbothered, Ben waggles his eyebrows. “Oooh, kinky.”

“Are you done?”

“For now.” Ben comes in and sits down. “Just had a text from Lena. She’s about twenty minutes out.”

Alex nods and bites off another chunk of banana. There’s a tray of ribs marinating in the fridge for dinner, and somehow, Ben had managed to convince him to make a chocolate mousse for dessert. The margarita ingredients are all ready and the blender is set up ready to go. The girls are playing outside and Jamie is upstairs on his computer, no doubt talking to Leo.

“What do you thi...” he begins and Ben holds his hand up.

“Nope. We are not having that conversation again. You know as much as I do.”

Alex waits for Ben to finish before leaning forward and tapping the back of his hand with one finger.

“Shows what you know. That’s not what I was going to say.” He gets up and goes to his satchel hanging on its hook by the door. Digs in it and withdraws an envelope that he takes back and drops on the table in front of Ben.

“That better not be divorce papers.”

“Ben!  Not funny.” Alex snatches the envelope back ignoring Ben’s murmured apology. “It’s my license.”

“Your license to shrink?” Alex glares at him. “Sorry. Sorry, I’ll behave. That’s awesome. Why didn’t you tell me it had arrived?”

“Got sidetracked with Lena coming.” He taps the envelope against his fingers. “What would you say if I said I wanted to set up my own practice?”

“As a shr- counselor? Therapist? What are we calling you again?” Ben grins, tongue caught between his teeth. “If it’s something you really want to consider, I think we should explore the options and see what’s feasible.”

Alex drops the envelope back on the table and sits up, stung for some reason.

“Wow.” He rubs at a smear on the tabletop. “That was really... tactful. Thank you counselor. Could my husband maybe answer instead of my lawyer?”

Ben recoils. “Hey, back up. I’m sorry if that came off a little formal, but you kind of took me by surprise.”

“Well, excuse me for not giving you warning,” Alex snaps. “Forget I said anything.”

He’s sorry brought the subject up; it’s not important right now. It can wait. Until Lena’s been. Until the kids are bigger. God, why did he even sit the stupid exam at all?

A warm hand on his thigh pulls him from his self pity. Ben is on one knee next to him, face turned up, waiting for him to even notice he’s left his seat.

“Want to tell me what’s wrong?”

The anger dissipates as fast as it had risen, leaving him feeling hollow and ashamed. A rush of tears threatens and he shakes his head. “I’m sorry. I’m just... it’s been a rough few weeks, you know?”

“Yeah, I do know.”

“And I’ve been wanting to talk to you about this for ages, but stuff keeps coming up and it just doesn’t happen.” He licks his lips and takes a breath. “I’ve been thinking I’d like to work with kids who need help. Kids like Jamie. Kids like...” His voice trail off.

“Kids like you were?”

He tries to smile. Fails.

“Yeah.”

“Last few weeks must have brought a lot of that shit back for you.”

This time the tears do escape. “A little. Not as bad as it used to be and nothing compared to what Jamie is going through.” He scrubs at his face. “Honestly, I’m being melodramatic. It hasn’t been as bad as it could have been. I mean, I only lost a couple of pounds this time.”

Ben gives an exasperated sigh. “Okay, we’ll talk about that later, but for now, tell me about your idea.” He shifts back onto one of the other chairs. “Didn’t you always say you didn’t want to be a therapist? Why the change of mind? And do you want to work somewhere like the collective where Ellen is? Or at the hospital? Or set up something of your own?”

Alex shrugs and studies his fingers. This isn’t how he’d meant for this to go; he hadn’t realized how knotted up he’d become about it. Now that Ben is listening, he doesn’t really know what to tell him. Or how to not get emotional about it.

“I don’t know. I mean, I really didn’t want to be one before - a therapist, I mean. But now, especially after everything that’s happened this past year, that’s kind of changed. I look at our kids and what they’re dealing with, and,” he offers a tremulous smile, “I guess I want to help somehow. I think I’d like to look into private practice. Maybe. I’d want it to be one that’s accessible to anybody who needs it.” He pretends he doesn’t see Ben’s smirk or hear him mutter, ‘of course you do.’ “But it will all depend.”

“On?”

Alex looks at him incredulously. “On what Lena has to say. If there’s a baby coming, I can’t just up and leave my job.”

To his surprise, Ben throws his entire body back and laughs. When he stops, he takes Alex’s hand and laces their fingers together. “You really have got to learn to not expect the worst of every situation. Whatever Lena has to say, and assuming she wants to talk to us about a baby and then assuming it’s something we still want to do, if you really want to set up a private practice, well... they’re not mutually exclusive, Alex.”

“Yeah, but...”

“No,” Ben shakes his head, “not yeah, but. It’s not like you’d be walking out of your job tomorrow, is it? And so what if you were? We can handle that; we’d figure shit out. We were going to get a nanny anyway. If this is something you want to do, baby, then I’m all for it.”

Alex looks up at this. “Really?”

Ben rocks back in his chair; pushes his glasses back in place with one finger. “Yes. Really.”

Outside, Bart starts barking and Ally calls, “Lena’s here.”

Ben stands and offers him his hand. “Ready to go find out what all the mystery is about?”

Alex stands. Presses his mouth to Ben’s, fingers curling into the front of his shirt.

“Yeah. Thank you. I’m sorry for snapping.”

“Hey, I think I’m still ahead of you on that one this year, so we’re good.”

***

Alex leans toward Ben and nibbles the corner off the nacho chip he’s holding.

“Back off mister; get your own,” Ben scolds, holding his hand out of reach.

Lena shakes her head. “You two are nauseating, you know that? Nobody is this much in love after being married for what? A decade? Alex, you must be a saint.”

“Hey!” Ben protests. “What about me? He’s got his moments you know?”

“I’m sure he does,” Lean says. “But he’s cute, so I’m going to forgive him.”

Laughing, Alex kisses his cheek and helps himself to a nacho, dips it in guacamole, and puts it in his mouth. “So, are you going to put us out of our misery?” he asks when he’s swallowed.

All sign of humor disappears from Lena’s face and she sets her margarita on the coffee table. Picks up her briefcase and withdraws a file.

Alex flicks a quick look at Ben, who seems as curious as he, Alex, feels. Why all the secrecy?

“We have a... situation that I thought might be of interest to you both. Now don’t feel obligated to say yes, because it’s not quite what we’ve discussed in the past, but I would ask that you hear me out?”

“Of course,” Ben says, taking Alex’s hand. “Hit us.”

An unfortunate turn of phrase, Alex thinks, all things considered, but he agrees with the sentiment.

“The mother has passed away. She was in her twenties, a secretary with an accounting firm. No family. Father completely unknown, so not in the picture. If she knew who it was she was keeping it under wraps. So, no family, no close friends to speak of, no guardian.”

“Okay,” Alex says slowly, trying to decipher what Lena isn’t saying. “So this isn’t like the other case. No neonatal health issues or anything like that? I would have thought you’d have no problem finding parents for the baby.”

Lena flushes a deep red and for a moment she stares at her feet.

“That’s the thing....” She says nothing more; seems to not know what to say.

He exchanges a look with Ben, who shrugs. “Lena?”

“We’re talking about twin boys. Three months old. They’re perfectly healthy and doing all the things they’re supposed to be doing for their age. They just... you know... not many people out there looking to adopt two babies at once.”

“Twins?” The word seems to punch out of him and is much louder than Alex had intended it to be.

Lena offers him a small smile. “Yeah. Twins.”

“Yes.” Ben’s cheeks are bright pink, and he’s refusing to look at Alex.

“Huh?” Lena says.

“Wait, what?” Alex stares at Ben. Did he just say yes to twins?

“I said yes, we’re in.”

“Uh,” Alex stammers, “don’t you think we need to talk about this?”

“What’s to talk about?” Ben shrugs.

“Everything? ”

“One baby, two babies. Not that much difference.”

“Not that much difference? It’s a whole other human being.” Alex turns to Lena, hoping for help. Instead, she holds up her hands and smiles.

“You two clearly need a moment, so I’m going to go and catch up with the kids while you do that.” She stands, glass in hand, and points to the file on the table. “All the details are in there. When you’re done talking, let me know.”

She hurries from the room and as soon as she is gone, Alex rounds on Ben.

“Just like that? Yes?”

“I mean... sure... why not?”

“Sweetheart, did you hear the twins part?”

Ben stretches his legs out in front of him; straightens his glasses. “I heard her loud and clear. Two babies. I think we should do it.”

“Ben, come on, you can’t just say yes like that.” He drags his fingers through his hair. “It’s twins!  We should talk about it.”

Crunching another nacho chip, Ben seems unperturbed. “We always talk about this stuff, we always agree we don’t have a clue what the fuck we’re doing, we always decide we’ll wing it, and we always go ahead. I just thought I’d save us some time.”

“If we were talking about a puppy...”

“Twin puppies,” Ben corrects.

“If we were talking about puppies,” Alex says through gritted teeth, “ then sure. These are not puppies.”

“Look, we’ve already said we’ll get a nanny and if you’re going to open your own practice, you can set your own hours. I’ll talk to Bill, take some leave, maybe work from home a bit - I mean, I am a partner after all, and God knows I’ve worked my ass off the past few months even with all the shit we’ve had going down.” He grins triumphantly. “There, we’ve discussed it.”

“Ben!  This does not count as discussion.”

“Totally counts,” Ben retorts. “Why do we need to angst over it for days? These babies need a home. We are good parents, Alex. We can afford it. We won’t let them forget their mother. We can offer them a good life. We could be really good for them, baby. So why waste time talking when we both know how it’s going to end?”

Alex looks out the window. Tries to calm his thoughts. Jamie is pushing Lucy on the swing while Ally is in deep conversation with Lena about who knows what - a book probably. She pushes her glasses up as he watches; an echo of Ben’s earlier gesture. Lena looks up and smiles at him. God, why is he objecting? Is the idea really that bad?

“Ben, we’re not set up here for twins.” He gestures around the room that he’s convinced any other family would find perfect and that they have already seemed to fill to the brim. “We’re cramped as it is.”

“Yeah, it will be tight until the house is finished. We’ll survive. And we’ll talk to the architect and get the baby’s room adjusted a little to account for the doubling up. We can do this.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Actually, I do know that. Alex, regardless of the shit that’s gone down, you and I both know how lucky we are. How privileged we are. These babies deserve to be loved. And that is something we can do.”

“I agree,” Lena says behind him. He turns and she’s right there. She takes his hands. “Remember nothing is finalized in those first six months. You can change your mind.”

Oh God, now he feels awful. Children aren’t cars; you don’t try before you buy.

“Alex.” Ben holds a photo out to him. When had he even picked that up? “If you say no, then I’ll respect that and we’ll go back to our original plan.”

With a sigh, Alex takes the photo and turns it over. Looks down at the image of a young woman with long strawberry blond hair holding two sleeping babies in her arms. They look so small, wrapped in matching blankets that look handmade.

“She had no family at all?” he asks Lena.

“Her parents were killed in an accident when she was in her late teens. Only child of parents who were each an only child. We’ve looked - there is no family.”

“What are their names?” he asks. At three months old, they must have names.

“Oscar and Archie.”

“Nice,” Ben says.

He turns and folds his arms. Studies Ben in silence. After a moment, Ben’s mouth begins to lift in a small smile.

“Ben,” he whispers, knowing already what he’s going to say. “Twins? Really?”

“We can do this, baby. I know we can.”

He turns to Lena. “I’m going to make some coffee and then we can talk. I have questions before I agree to anything.” He squints at Ben. “I think we’ve officially lost our minds.”

26 - Ben

Sipping his coffee, Ben flicks through the paperwork in Lena’s file. Birth certificates, mother’s death certificate, paperwork from Child Protection Services. Underneath all of it, copies of Ben and Alex’s paperwork.

“When did you hear about this case?” he asks. He’s pretty sure he knows the answer.

“Yesterday morning.”  Lena doesn’t even look embarrassed.

“Uh huh.”

“Thought of you two straight away.”

He laughs and elbows Alex. “It’s a sign.”

“Shove that elbow in my side again and it will be a whole different sign,” Alex mutters. “What do you need us to do now, Lena?”

“Well, I have all the official paperwork here,” she pats her briefcase, “and your personal paperwork is ready to go, so essentially, it’s just a case of you signing on the bottom line.”

Alex raises an eyebrow. “Really? That easy?”

“You’re financially very secure, you’re both professionals, and you’ve adopted before. There are enough things there to fast track it.”

Ben pats the back of Alex’s hand - something tells him today is not the day to test Alex with a second elbow nudge - and gives him what he hopes is a reassuring smile. “Trust me, it’s not usually this easy, so how about we just roll with it and don’t go looking for trouble we don’t need?”

Alex huffs out a breath. “I guess.”

“Now, you don’t have to stay with their names, if you don’t want to, that’s a simple enough process given the age.”

“I like the names,” Ben admits. “Maybe we can add a middle name or something, but I don’t see any reason to change them. Do you?”

Alex shakes his head. “No. If we are going to add middle names, maybe we could use Matt’s name for one of them?”

“Works for me. What about Robert for the other one?”

“Robert?” Alex looks confused.

“My grandfather’s name.”

“Your grandfather? You’ve never mentioned your grandfather before. Polly’s husband, right?”

Ben nods and stretches. “Yeah, Mom’s father. I don’t remember much about him. He died when I was about four or five I think. He liked to drink Whiskey Sours on Sundays and was always well dressed. Even if he wasn’t going anywhere.”

“Good lord, it’s genetic,” Lena says to Alex, who sniggers.

“Shut up,” Ben mutters. He stretches his arms up, letting his shoulders roll and pop. “I think I’m just about ready to switch back to margaritas.”

“Of course you are.” Alex picks the photograph up again and studies it. “When could we come and pick them up?”

“If I lodge everything tonight, it should be processed Monday morning. I think Thursday or Friday would probably work.”

Ben digs his phone out of his pocket and opens his planner app. “I’m in court on Tuesday and I’m scheduled for a teleconference with the board on Thursday morning, but I could probably get them to make it in person. We could go up Wednesday evening.” He looks to Alex. “Take the kids with us.”

“I’ll call Matt and Claire,” Alex says absently, scrolling through his own phone.

Ben smiles to himself. If Alex is in organizer mode, the decision has been made.

“If we leave here around four, we can get something to eat on the way,” he suggests.

“We are not having roadside chicken,” Alex says. “We’ll need to take two cars.” He looks up, eyes wide. “Holy shit, we’re going to need a new car. We’ll never fit two baby seats and the kids and Bart and us in my car. Your car is going to be absolutely hopeless. God, we’ll need a minivan. ”

Ben stands up. “Yup, definitely margarita time. Lena, can you try and talk my husband off the ledge?  I’ll be right back.”

27 – Alex

Alex sits back in his chair and rubs his temple where a slight headache is forming. In the space of two hours, he’s officially begun changing his career path, agreed to adopting twin boys, and now he needs to buy a new car. Not just a car. A minivan. Because of the two baby car seats. That they don’t own. Well, they have one, but they’re going to need to buy more of... well, everything.

“You okay, there?” Lena asks.

“I have four days to buy a second crib, a second car seat, a second high chair, more bottles, more diapers, and a new fucking car.”

Lena laughs and begins sorting out the papers for signing. “No you don’t. They have car seats already and cribs. I mean, you might want to buy new ones, but you don’t have to is my point.”

Relief floods him. They have car seats. And cribs. That just means bottles, diapers and... well... car.

“Do they come with their own car?”

“Sorry, can’t help with that one.”

From the kitchen comes the sound of the blender.

Good. He needs a drink.

28 - Ben

Ben puts his scotch glass on the table and rests his ankle over his knee. Looks at Jamie and Leo, then over at Alex, who has his eyes shut. Somehow seeming to sense his gaze, Alex lifts one eyelid, looks at him, and shakes his head. Sips his own Scotch. The fact that he’s drinking whiskey instead of his usual port - especially after two margaritas - tells Ben all he needs to know about his husband’s frame of mind.

“What do you think?”

“Mom and Dad didn’t seem to have any problems,” Leo offers. He and Jamie are both nursing bottles of beer that had been offered from Alex with “make them last, you’re only getting one.” If the Scotch hadn’t confirmed his feelings, that would have. “You could talk to them tomorrow about it.”

“That’s not a bad idea.” Ben hadn’t thought of that. He nudges Jamie with his foot. “What do you think, kiddo?”

Jamie stares at the floor in silence for a moment. “I think it’s a cool idea,” he says finally.

“But?” Ben prompts. Jamie looks up sharply. “I keep telling you, don’t play poker or commit a murder. You are totally transparent.”

“Jamie,” Alex says, “you can talk to us. None of this is set in stone yet and your feelings and your sisters’ feelings count.”

“I do think it’s a cool idea. It’s just....” Jamie puts their bottle down and wraps their arms around their legs. For the first time, Ben notices the sweatshirt Jamie has on. It’s one of Ben’s and Jamie seems swamped in it. Their hair is lank and lifeless, dark roots showing through the platinum. Even more telling is the lack of jewelry and makeup.

How has he not noticed that before?

He knows the answer. The truth is he has noticed, he just hasn’t realized what it meant. He’s been thinking it’s because Jamie is recovering and doesn’t feel up to it yet. Maybe that is some of it, he thinks, still studying Jamie’s face, but mostly they’re hiding.

Ben looks over at Alex again and finds he himself is being scrutinized. Alex gives a small shrug as if he knows Ben has just seen what he’s known all along. Jamie isn’t doing so well.

“It’s just what?” Ben asks gently.

“Two babies is a lot to take care of.” They turn to Leo. “Your sisters are everywhere all the time. Your folks are always looking for one of them.”

“Yeah,” Leo agrees, “but my sisters are kind of bratty. At least at the moment they are.”

“Leo has a point.” Ben watches, fascinated, as Alex slides to the floor to sit in front of Jamie, legs crossed. “Your sisters can be kind of bratty too, don’t forget. And they’re not twins.”

“Thank God.” Jamie’s eyes widen in horror. “Can you imagine having two Lulus?”

“When she and Dad get together it pretty much is that.” Alex winks at Ben and his protest dies on his lips. In over ten years has his husband ever winked at him like that? He doesn’t think so. “Are you worried we can’t keep them safe?”

“I don’t mean that you aren’t capable.” Jamie looks from Ben to Alex. Back to Ben again. “You guys are the best. But... twins are... What if something happened to them? What if someone hurt them?”

Ben gulps down a mouthful of whiskey. Crosses to crouch down next to Alex. “Nobody is going to hurt them, Jamie. Or your sisters. Or you.” Jamie takes a shaky breath and Ben pulls him into his arms. A muffled sob rises. Ben rubs their back. “You’re safe with us and the babies will be too, okay?”

Jamie nods against Ben’s chest. When finally they sit back, they rub at their eyes with both fists - the gesture is so childlike Ben has to stop himself from grabbing them again.

“I like their names,” Jamie says. They sniffle and settle back next to Leo. “When would we go and get them?”

“Dad needs to make some arrangements at work, but we thought maybe during the week,” Alex says.

“This week?”

Ben chuckles when Alex first sighs then rolls his eyes. “Yeah, this week.”

“That’s fast.”

“Yeah,” Alex says drily. “Dad doesn’t like to waste time.”

***

“Lena is home safe.” Ben tosses his phone on the nightstand and pulls his t-shirt over his head. Drops it on the floor and stretches out on the bed. Closes his eyes and takes a deep breath.

What a day.

“What time are we due over at Leo’s?” he calls to Alex. God, please don’t let it be early. Late starts are about to be a thing of the past and he would like to enjoy one last one while he can.

“Twelve thirty.” Alex’s voice comes from above him and Ben opens his eyes.

Alex stands next to the bed, hands on his hips. Like Ben, he has removed his shirt. Ben lets his gaze wander from the long slender fingers resting against the denim, to the lightly tanned skin above his belt, over to the line of chestnut hair that stretches up his belly to his chest. The long line of neck to the square jaw and finally the warm brown eyes that know every last secret he ever had.

“Hello.” Ben reaches out, snags a belt loop and pulls him closer.

“I’m starting to see where your daughters get their habit of hanging their clothes on the floor from.” Alex looks pointedly at the discarded t-shirt.

“You took yours off too.”

“Yes, but mine is in the laundry basket, not simply discarded on the floor.”

Oh. Right. It’s that neat freak thing again. Ben shrugs.

“You love me.”

“You sure about that?”

“Yup.” Ben sits up, swinging his legs to frame Alex’s. “Can prove it too.”

“Oh, can you now?”

Grinning, Ben reaches up and rubs his thumb over Alex’s right nipple. With his other hand, he undoes Alex’s belt buckle and the button on his jeans. Tugs down the zipper and pulls at the jeans until they are down around his thighs. Alex’s cock, confined in his briefs, is already stiffening; Ben runs his fingertips over it, making him whine and quiver. Slides his hand around and under the elastic of the briefs and works them down.

He leans forward and flicks the tip of his tongue over the damp head, licking up the precum from the slit. Alex curses softly and scrabbles his fingers through Ben’s hair.

Hollowing his cheeks, Ben bobs his head, taking Alex as deeply as he can. Swallows around the head, thrilling at Alex’s heated moan. Pulls off and runs his tongue across the cock head again, scrambling to get out of his own pants at the same time.

Kicking free of his jeans, he turns his attention to the soft skin of Alex’s groin. Sucks at the skin until a small purple stain appears. Laves his tongue over it.

Curling his fingers around his cock, he begins stripping it as he takes Alex once more into his mouth.

“Ben...” Alex pants, arching forward, driving a little deeper into Ben’s throat, making his eyes water. Fuck, that’s hot. He pulls off, struggling for breath. Licks over the cock head, sucking it firmly. “Oh God... Ben...”

Ben stops stroking himself to reach both hands behind Alex and grip his ass, pulling him in closer. Deeper. Encouraging him to thrust. Twice he has to pull away to breathe, spluttering and gasping, cheeks now wet with tears. The third time he calms his breathing and concentrates when he swallows around the thick shaft.

“Oh....” Alex whimpers. His fingers pull at Ben’s hair and his body stills as his cock pulses and twitches. Ben moans and swallows with a hum of approval and encouragement. As Alex withdraws, a last small spurt of cum coats Ben’s tongue.

Without thinking, he pulls Alex down to his knees and stands, once more fisting his cock, slipping closer and closer to his climax. Alex looks up at him, then without a word opens his mouth and extends his tongue.

“Fuck, baby, I’m close.” He rubs his cock against Alex’s tongue with a low moan. Alex closes his lips around the shaft and tongues the frenulum, then sucks. That’s all he needs. Ben sinks his teeth into his lower lip, trying to keep from crying out.

When at last he’s finished, he drops back on the bed with a satisfied groan. Pats the mattress next to him and Alex crawls up.

“Fuck, that was good.” He catches Alex’s hand before it lands on his belly. “Hey, you know it was.”

“You are so romantic, you know that?”

“Hey, I didn’t hear you asking for romance two minutes ago.”

“Idiot.”

“You sure you’re okay with what we’re doing?” Ben rolls onto his side, propping his head on one hand.

“One day, you know, you’re going to give me whiplash the way you change the subject.” Alex leans forward and kisses his chest. “Ben, of course I’m okay with it. I mean, yeah, you kind of took me by surprise with the whole just jumping in thing, but you’re right. What’s the point of making those babies wait while we talk when the answer is going to be yes anyway.”

“Admit it. I’m usually right.”

Alex heaves himself to his feet, scooping up Ben’s t-shirt at the same time. “You’re sometimes right and that’s all I’m giving you.”

“I’ll take it.”  Ben takes off his jeans and briefs, wads them up, and at the bathroom door, lobs them at the basket. “Will you call Ellen about Jamie on Monday or do you want me to?”

Alex, toothbrush now in hand, looks at him in the mirror. “I’ll call Ellen if you call the car guy.”

“Sold.” He sidles up behind Alex and slips his arms around his waist. “You know baby, we should probably take advantage of the time we have before Thursday. Probably not going to get much spare time with twins.”

Alex rolls his eyes. “Yeah? You think? I’m afraid buddy boy, you’ve had your lot for tonight.”

“You sure about that?” Ben dots kisses between Alex’s shoulder blades.

“Yes, today is a two baby, one orgasm day, okay?”

29 - Alex

“They’re so little,” Ally says, voice filled with wonderment. “Were we little like that?”

“Not as little as this, but pretty little,” Alex tells her.

In his arms, the baby snuffles and squirms and opens his eyes. Alex reaches for the bottle sitting in the warmer next to him. Next to him on the sofa, Ben holds the other baby in an identical blanket and within seconds, he too is reaching for a bottle.

“You two are too cute,” Claire says. “Look at you there with your babies.”

Seated on Matt’s lap, Lucy twists to look up at her uncle.

“Can you tell which is which, Uncle Matt?”

“Of course,” Matt tickles her ear, “that really tall one is your Daddy and the not so tall one is your Papa.”

Both girls dissolve into giggles; even Jamie laughs.

“No,” Lucy protests. “Which of the twins.”

“Oh them.” Matt makes a show of shrugging. “No idea.”

“Papa’s holding Archie,” Ally says solemnly, “and Daddy has Oscar.”

“How can you tell?” Claire asks.

“Because Oscar’s binkie is on a green strap and Archie’s is orange.”

The adults burst into laughter. Alex settles back, only half listening to the room and watching Oscar feed. The car yard hadn’t been able to get the minivan Ben wanted until this weekend, so they’ve had to bring two cars this trip. He’ll drive back with the babies and Jamie, while Ben will drive back with the girls. Ben will also have the cartons of clothes and toys and Alex will have the extra crib they’ll have to put together when they get home. They’ve bought an extra car seat, extra bottles, new sterilizing and heating units, and a second changing table, though Alex has no idea where they’re going to put all of that.

They’ll leave around nine tomorrow morning and should be home in San Cap by lunchtime or not long after. Fiona has Bart for them and will bring him back tomorrow evening. Leo’s dad has offered to drop by too and help Ben put the furniture together. The boys are used to sleeping in different cribs, and they want to keep disruptions to a minimum.

Matt and Claire will come down next weekend.

Alex brushes his lips over Oscar’s forehead.

“Did we tell you what we decided for their names?” Ben asks. When Claire and Matt shake their heads, he grins at Alex. “You tell them.”

Alex looks down at Oscar. “We wanted to keep their given names, so we’ve just added middle names. Archie Robert for Ben’s grandfather and,” he looks down at Oscar then to Matt, “Oscar Matthew for the best brother a guy could ask for.”

Matt looks startled for a moment, then a wide grin spreads across his face. “Thank you. Of course, I am the best brother ever, but I’m touched. Thanks.”

As if protesting that Matt might have competition, Oscar begins to cry. Alex puts the bottle down and lifts him to his shoulder. Rests his cheek against his head and taps his back.

“It’s okay baby boy, everything’s going to be okay.”

The cries taper to whimpers and as he looks around the room, Alex realizes the truth of his words. Sitting here with his family, new babies in their arms, everything is going to be okay.

Fin – for now...

THANKS

I can’t believe it’s been 18 months since we last visited Ben and Alex. Or maybe I can - as a good friend of mine often says, time has lost all meaning since the arrival of Covid 19. A lot of readers, understandably, did not want our San Cap guys to experience The Pandemic but I really wanted them to experience some of the frustration and the sense of ‘oh good grief, what now?’ that many (most) of us have lived with for the past couple of years. Which is my way of asking you to forgive me for having thrown the kitchen sink at them – I promise that in the next book, I’ll be kinder. Maybe.

When I realized that Jamie was going to come out as non-binary I knew I wanted to do them justice, so I got some help. I can’t thank the fabulous Jamie Sands (yes Jamie advised me on Jamie) enough for their help and guidance in getting things right – any errors in that part of the story are mine and I apologize. I became very fixated on getting Jamie’s pronouns right so I handed that fixation off to Ben and it seemed to fit him well. To both Jamies – the fictional and the non-fictional – thank you.

Tom Every hounded me – in the best possible way – to finish this book. He also ‘alpha-read’ every page before anyone else saw it and was invaluable. He kept the timelines in order, remembered who liked what, had asked for what, and how long it had been since Alex had called Ben an idiot. Tom – if this book is close to being what I think it might be, it’s because of you – thank you.

Penny, May, Lauren, Talya, and Angie – as always they put up with my whining, my frustration, my annoying imposter syndrome, my tendency to be sidetracked by a certain Texan actor, and my complete inability to use grammar correctly when I sit down to write. Ladies – thank you.

To my longsuffering family – who probably wish I had done any course other than the one that actually kicked this all off – who have put up with me forgetting things like dinner, laundry, and how to go to bed at a civilized hour – thank you.

To you, for doing the most important part of the process by reading - giving the guys life – thank you.

We have one last visit left to San Cap – Seas of Love. See you there soon.

ARJ

May 2022

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Blossoms & Bows

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Weddings & Wishes

The San Capistrano Series

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Winds of Change

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Table of Contents

Title Page

Copyright Page

Peaceful Seas (The San Capistrano Series, #8)

Before we begin... a quick word...

Before we begin... a quick word...

1 - Alex

2 - Ben

3 - Alex

4 - Ben

5 - Alex

6 - Ben

7 - Alex

8 - Ben

9 - Alex

10 - Ben

11 - Interlude

12 - Alex

13 - Ben

14 - Alex

15 - Ben

16 - Alex

17 - Ben

18 – Alex

19 - Ben

20 - Alex

21 - Ben

22 - Alex

23 - Interlude

24 - Ben

25 - Alex

26 - Ben

27 – Alex

28 - Ben

29 - Alex

THANKS

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