BEAT

(#1 THE BEAT AND THE PULSE)

AMITY CROSS

CONTENTS

Copyright

Dedication

1. Before - Ash

2. After - Ren

3. Ren

4. Ren

5. Ren

6. Ash

7. Ren

8. Ash

9. Ren

10. Ren

11. Ash

12. Ren

13. Ren

14. Ren

15. Ash

16. Ren

17. Ash

18. Ren

19. Ash

20. Ren

21. Ren

22. Ash

23. Ren

24. Ren

25. Ren

26. Ash

27. Ren

28. Ren

29. Ash

30. Ren

31. Ren

32. Ren

33. Ash

34. Ren

35. Ren

36. Ren

37. Ash

38. Ren

39. Ash

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About the Author

Much Earlier - Ash

In Between - Ren

Beat (#1 The Beat and The Pulse) by Amity Cross

Copyright © 2014 by Amity Cross

All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

All song titles, song lyrics, products, networks and brand names mentioned in this book are the property of the sole copyright owners.

Cover Design © Amity Cross / Nicole R. Taylor

LETTING GO IS HARD.

BUT SOMETIMES HOLDING ON IS HARDER.

- ANONYMOUS

1

BEFORE - ASH

People say I have a problem with anger.

You could say a lot of things about me and they wouldn’t all be nice. I’ve done a lot of things I’m not proud of.

People looked at me and only saw what was on the surface.

Money. Power. Talent.

Cash was the driving factor. Mainly because I was winning it out from under everyone’s noses on a daily basis by just being good at punching the shit through people. It’s fucking great to ride high, but there’s always someone right at your heels, snapping like a rabid beast, waiting for the moment you stumble.

Yeah, that’s the thing about getting a little fame and money - it made everyone below you jealous and jealous people were willing to do whatever it took to bring you down. They all wanted the prize and not all of them were up for playing fair to get it. There were lines you never crossed and that line had been obliterated a long time ago.

You hurt the people I love to get to me and I will fucking kill you.

I would destroy myself to save them.

I’ve done it before and I will do it time and time again.

I will beat your ass until you beg for mercy.

Repent or die.

2

AFTER - REN

I didn’t feel the pain as much anymore.

My knuckles had hardened, my muscles had tightened, and my pain receptors were shot.

Duck. Feign. Punch. Guard.

My Mum would be totally horrified knowing what I made of my life after she was gone. I lived for her, to see her win her battle, but in the end she lost. I wasn’t losing this fight. The fight for my future. How could she argue with that? She always wanted the best for me, even when she was too sick to move and this is my best. It’s just that it involves pounding my fists into the flesh of my opponent until they drop.

The love of a man. The love of an estranged father. The love of a mother… What good did it do if they just abandoned you in the end?

Me and my fists. That’s what would get me through this battle. That’s what would get me onto that podium. Me.

It didn’t start out this way. I, least of all, didn’t see it coming until it hit me square in the face.

The day I stood outside the place that would change my life into something unrecognizable.

The sign over the roller door that was painted in red letters. Red - the same color as the blood that I drew three nights a week in the cage.

The one word that had become my mantra.

Beat.

3

REN

The place was called Beat.

I stood on the footpath outside the roller door that led into the backstreet boxing studio, staring up at the sign. It was painted in red letters, outlined in white. From the outside it looked like a garage and to anyone that didn't know, it was nothing but a stupid shed down some nondescript lane.

The sounds of fists hitting bags and male grunting carried out onto the street through a side door. It had been propped open to let in some fresh summer air, but it only let out the overwhelming stench of pure testosterone. The whole thing was a total doodle-fest and I found myself wondering what the hell I was doing here.

The answer to that one was simple. I was here because I had nowhere else to go.

Six months ago, my Mum died. Six months ago, I was left totally alone in the world. I worked my whole life to care for my beautiful, optimistic, cancer riddled mother when everyone else had just upped and left us like it was all just a little too hard. Mum had been in and out of remission more times than we cared to count. This time, she’d say, would be it. We’ve beaten it, Ren. We'd bask in the hope that the hard times were over and things would be okay for a while. Then at her six month scan, the doctors would pick up another tumor and we’d start all over again.

Then one day the treatments stopped working. The chemo did nothing to slow or shrink the cancer and just like that, in the space of six weeks…it was over. She was gone and I was alone.

You hear all these stories about profound last words and dying wishes and miracles and all kinds of bullshit. My Mum’s last words were, “Go find your father, Renee. Find him.”

My Dad left us when I was five years old. Like a cliché, he went to the shops and never came back. When I was six, the divorce papers turned up in the mail, Mum signed them and that was it. Apart from the one photo I had of us three together, the man may as well have never existed.

He left a five year old kid to care for his terminally ill wife all on her own. What a fucking asshole.

Peering through the door into the studio, I hitched my duffle bag higher up my shoulder. The insides looked a lot better than the outsides. Most of the floor was covered in blue and red mats like a patchwork, equipment was lined up against the side wall, a boxing ring was at the far end and what looked like a smaller room to the right with weights, treadmills, bikes and all kinds of stuff. The wall to the left was lined with mirrors that reflected everything back, making the space look like a cavern. A metal staircase led to an upper level and underneath there was a door leading to what I assumed was a changing area.

It was actually pretty posh and I wasn’t sure what annoyed me more. That he left us with nothing or that he was rolling in hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of gym equipment.

“How many times do I have to beat it into your thick skull,” a male voice boomed out.

A tall, heavyset man was all up in the face of a six foot three, ripped guy who looked like Rambo with all his biceps and triceps and all the ‘ceps’ you could think of. Beefcake wore nothing but a pair of shorts, but he did have a body to die for and I wondered what it was he did. Boxing, Mixed Martial Arts, that crazy Ultimate Fighting Championship thing. There was so much testosterone in the air, my body began to contemplate growing its own dick to fit in.

Edging in the door, I slipped a hand into my back pocket and pulled out the crumpled photograph I’d stashed there. Nobody had noticed me yet, but the place was almost empty save for those two.

Looking at the picture and then at the man who stood in the middle of the studio yelling at the half naked beefcake, I got the resemblance, but he was nothing like I remembered. Lines were set in his face, grey threaded through his dark hair and the smile I remembered wasn’t there at all. Shit, I was five when the douche left and never came back. Of course he wasn’t the same.

“Hey, can I help you?” a gruff voice broke through my thoughts.

I turned, blinking hard at the six foot monster that stood beside me. He was wearing nothing but a pair of black shorts with a white label on the front. His stomach was pure, ripped six pack to the eyeballs and I was thrown by all the near nakedness for a moment. Glancing at the guy on the mat, they had the same build, the same hair, the same eyes, perhaps the guy next to me was a little heavier, but they were the same.

“Twins,” the guy said with a laugh. “Always throws ‘em for a sec. You lookin’ to sign up for some classes?”

“Uh, no,” I replied, a little dazed from all the exposed man-nipples. “I’m looking for Andrew Miller.”

The guy looked me over and gave me a full on megawatt smile. “That’d be Coach.” He nodded at his brother who was still being served his ass by my deadbeat father. “The one rippin’ Lincoln a new asshole.”

Dropping my bag, I asked, “And who are you?”

“Dean.” He did a little bow and I wondered if he was trying to impress me. Not to think I was full of myself and my own beauty or anything. I had none of that.

“We train here pretty much every day,” he went on.

“Every day?”

“Yeah, this doesn’t happen on its own.” He flexed his muscles and my eyebrows rose. What, was he totally trying to show off for me like some kind of peacock?

“Dean. Leave the poor lady alone.”

I glanced up and felt my throat constrict as my Dad crossed the mat toward us.

“Aww, Coach.” Dean complained, winking at me.

“Back to it, son.” His word seemed one hundred percent law and Dean shuffled off, his hulking form crossing the mat to his brother.

Dad, Coach, whatever the hell I should call him, turned his attention on me and I froze. I’d thought long and hard about this moment, about all the things I’d say when I finally came face to face with the man who abandoned us, but I was totally blank.

“Andrew Miller,” he said, holding his hand out. I didn’t bother taking it and just stared at him. His eyes narrowed for a second and he cleared his throat. “What can I do for you?”

“You seriously don’t recognize me?” I asked, starting to get pissed off, my fingers tightening around the photo in my hand. People told us we looked the same, my Mum and I. Same olive skin, same stick straight brown hair, same nose, same dark eyes… How could you forget your first born daughter?

He went to say something, but I shoved the photo at him with a scowl that could melt through solid steel.

He took it from me and stared at it for the longest time, his face slowly paling. Finally, he glanced up at me, his eyes sparkling. “Renee?”

“Fuck you, asshole.”

The whole place fell deathly silent.

“She wanted me to come find you,” I said, not caring that the meathead twins had stopped their, whatever it was they were doing, and were staring. “I sure as fuck didn’t.”

“How is she?” he asked, the guy who’d been yelling like a demon a few minutes before, totally gone.

“She’s dead.”

His complexion began turning a weird shade of grey and I narrowed my eyes, wishing an artery would burst in his cold heart. It was a full minute before he could speak.

“Come upstairs to the office,” he said before picking up my bag. Crossing the mat, he led me toward the set of stairs at the rear of the gym.

We clanged up the metal stairs and I threw a glare back at the meathead twins, who were still staring at me like I’d grown a second head. On the landing, I flipped them the bird.

The entire length of the upstairs hall was lined with photographs and plaques, all boxing and MMA related. Some had my Dad in them, some didn’t, some were old and others were new. Looked like he had this whole other life I never knew about and I felt even smaller.

He opened a door half way down the hall and I stepped into what was obviously the office. There was a long slit window that overlooked the studio below, a desk taking up the length of the room along one wall, bits of paper and boxes crammed anywhere there was space. The other walls were full of trophies, framed belts and photographs, just like the hall had been.

Closing the door behind me, Dad gestured at a chair against the wall. “How old are you now?”

“Twenty-two,” I said, sitting down.

“Of course you are,” he muttered, rubbing his chin like it was his nervous tick.

I wanted to rip him a new asshole, but this whole place had me on edge. I knew he’d been a boxer before he met my Mum, but I didn’t know he had his own studio now. I didn’t know anything about him until I went to find an address and that’s still all I had. The man who was leaning against the rickety old desk across from me was a stranger.

“How long have you had this place?” I asked, my voice so quiet it almost came out a whisper.

“About fifteen years now,” he replied. “We’re training two pro fighters right now. Dean and Lincoln. The twins downstairs.”

“Pro?”

“They’ve both been selected to fight in the upcoming Australian UFC season. It’s big business.”

I shrugged. I didn’t know anything about it.

“She told me to come find you. Mum. It was her last words.” I glared hard at him, willing him to understand that I’d been holding onto her the moment she died. I felt her last breath and all she wanted was for me to have a family.

“I’m sorry Ren, it’s just a shock.”

I rolled my eyes. “I’ll say.”

“Do you have somewhere to stay?”

I shook my head. “We were renting and I couldn’t afford to keep it.”

“Do you…are there any outstanding bills?”

“No,” I replied, seeing red.

He wanted to help now? I’d taken care of the lot and only had the money I’d made from the massive garage sale the month before. I’d put out an ad, opened the front door and took whatever I was offered for everything. I kept some things, Mum’s jewelry, photos, mementos, some clothes. The rest I couldn’t bring myself to look at.

“You can stay here for as long as you want.”

My head snapped up. Here? At the studio?

“Come on.”

Opening the office door, he led me down the hall to the door at the back. Cracking it open, he flipped on the light switch and my stomach dropped even further. Was he for fucking real? He had to be kidding me right now.

“I used to sleep here sometimes. Back when we were training more guys.”

I stepped into the room after him and felt like kicking him where it hurt. We stood in what could only be described as a storage closet. A wall was taken up with an industrial shelving system, full of boxes at the top, which morphed into boxes of powders and supplements for the beefcakes downstairs. On the opposite wall was a mattress, which looked like it was a queen sized number, with some pillows and blankets.

I wanted to ask him why I wasn’t able to come and stay with him at his house, but deep down I already knew the answer to that. His new flashy family didn’t know I existed and didn’t that feel like a slap to the face with a wet fish.

“I’ll give you the alarm code, just in case,” he was saying, but I was too busy fighting back tears.

“I’m sorry it isn’t much,” Dad said, turning to face me. “But it’s warm and you can use the equipment and the kitchen downstairs.” Then he fished out his wallet and peeled out a few notes and held them out.

I didn’t know what else to do, so I took the money and pocketed it without looking.

What the hell was I expecting turning up out of the blue like this? A warm welcome? A parade? Confetti? A hug might’ve been a good start, but I didn’t even get one of those. I probably should be grateful he gave me someplace to sleep and a few twenties to ease his mind.

“There’s a supermarket round the corner and a couple of shops,” he said, like he couldn’t see how broken my heart was.

“Okay.”

Standing awkwardly for a moment, he cleared his throat. “Okay, I better get back downstairs. Can't leave those boys alone for too long.”

As soon as he was gone, I let a few tears escape before wiping my eyes on the back of my sleeve. Before I came, I'd made a promise to myself. I'd never cry over the man who'd abandoned me and I sure as hell would never let him see.

Sitting down on the mattress I decided to make myself another promise. If I was going to be shoved into the storage closet like a dirty little secret, I'd milk Daddy dearest for all he was worth. He had seventeen years to make up for and I intended to make him pay for each and every one.

4

REN

I didn't have anywhere else to go, so I stayed at the studio.

When everyone left and I was on my own, I explored the galley style kitchen with its giant fridge and freezer, tested out some of the gym equipment and even the showers. Without anyone there to look over my shoulder, I could spend time inspecting all the photographs on the walls. Most were of people I didn't know, boxers, martial artists, all kinds of fighters. The newer ones were of heavier guys, mixed martial arts tournament winners and place getters that had trained here over the past fifteen years.

There were some of my Dad when he was younger, the way I remembered him. He'd been a champion boxer back in the day, before he got my Mum pregnant and quit fighting.

When I went to bed, I stared at the ceiling for the longest time, my mind like a tumble dryer. I had no idea what I was going to do now that I was here. All I had was a bag and a broken heart. I didn't even have a job. When I finally fell asleep, I shouldn't have bothered.

I guess it was about six am when I got the shock that was the cherry on the cake.

I was woken by the light flipping on, dousing the entire room with dazzling brilliance. A tall, glamazon, supermodel type woman was standing over me, her hand on the light switch. There was a second of awkward silence before she screamed at the top of her lungs. It was a little much, but then again I never screamed. I hit first, then asked questions.

“Dad,” the woman shrieked as I sat up, clutching the blankets around myself.

Dad? The blood started draining from my face. No wonder he stuck me in the storage closet. He'd set up a new franchise.

“Monica?” I heard my Dad before I saw him appear in the doorway. “It's okay, sweetie. That's Ren.”

I stared up at him, watching his expression change into one of panic. He obviously didn't count on 'Monica' busting in on me at six am in the storage room. I wasn't the only one who was stunned into silence.

“Who is she and what's she doing here?” the glamazon who was apparently my surprise half-sister asked, backing out into the hall.

“Mon,” Dad said, placing a hand on her shoulder. “This isn't how I wanted you two to meet, but this is Renee. She's your half-sister.”

Monica looked at Dad, then looked at me, tears welling in her eyes. A moment later, she fled down the hall, the clang of her footsteps on the metal stairs echoing around the empty studio. That one had drama queen written all over her.

Dad glanced at me, then after his super special franchisee, obviously torn as to which direction he wanted to go.

“Go,” I spat, not trying to cover my anger in the slightest. “She's obviously important to you.”

He gave me a look that said 'pained father' and disappeared, calling after Monica.

Pulling clothes out of my bag, I dressed and peeked out of the door. All was quiet, but I couldn't hide in the closet forever. Tip-toeing down the hall, I descended the stairs to the studio floor. Peering into the kitchen, I saw Dad with his arm around Monica, comforting his super beautiful, perfect daughter. Her face was buried in her hands and she sniffed. Rolling my eyes, I backed away and that's when I saw one of the twins lingering in the gym.

“Hey,” he called out.

Smiling thinly, I nodded toward the kitchen and he shrugged. She must have a reputation already.

Not knowing what I should do or where I should go, I wandered over to the notice board by the door and scanned the flyers pinned to it. Meathead Twin number one started pounding a bag again, the sounds of his fists hitting leather, echoing in the silent studio.

There were posters for classes in self-defense, boxing, MMA from beginner to intermediate. Maybe I should learn how to beat the world into submission instead of letting it beat me. There was a metaphor if I ever saw one. I needed...I needed something to dull the hollow ache that had bloomed inside of me the moment I saw the life slip from Mum's eyes.

I'd tried to find solace in other things, other people, but at the end of it all, she'd been the only one who'd looked at me with any kind of love. Hollow sex in the days after her death didn't help. Alcohol sure as fuck didn't do anything. Even following her last wish was turning out to be a real banging party.

I was alone and I'd always be alone. They didn't want me here.

“Ren.”

I looked up to find Dad standing behind me, a crease in his forehead.

“I can leave,” I said, my depression starting to tug at the edges of my heart.

“Don't be stupid. I insist.”

A crash sounded from the kitchen drawing my gaze over his shoulder.

“Monica is the studio's nutritionist,” Dad said, scratching his jaw.

Great.

When I didn't reply, he went on. “She finished her degree last year and our regular quit, so I gave her a chance. It's good experience for her.”

“What does she do?” I asked to be polite. I didn't give two shits what she did. We might share the same father, but by her spoilt little girl routine, I knew we wouldn't get along.

“She prepares all the meal plans and supplements and cooks for Dean and Linc. Training is nothing without the food to go with it. It doesn't work. She also takes on clients from the classes and from around the neighborhood. She's getting quite busy.”

The note of pride in his voice didn't escape me and I felt even smaller again. What did I have on my resume? DIY palliative care without the seal of approval by the University of Wherever.

“You never told them about me,” I stated, tired of pussy footing around it.

He opened the door to the street and gestured for me to step through into the cool morning air. We stood on the footpath, the dawn sun drenching everything in an eerie half-light.

Dad shook his head. “Sharon never knew I was married when we were...” He trailed off.

I wanted to fill in the gap with the word fucking, but I didn't have it in me.

“She never knew I had a wife until we found out she was pregnant. I never told her I had a daughter. I'd already lost one family because of my fuck ups...”

“You left us, Dad. Mum was sick and you left us.”

He didn't reply.

I guess I wasn't going to get the answer I wanted right away, if at all. In my eyes he'd been a coward. He'd run when things got rough and took the easy way out.

I saw Monica talking to Dean, or at least I thought it was Dean, through the window and scowled. Dad followed my gaze and sighed.

“It's not how I wanted you two to meet,” he said with a frown. “I was going to introduce you this morning.”

“How old is she?”

“Twenty-one.”

I was one when he fucked another woman? It took him four years to leave Mum and abandon us to our fate. He was having an affair for years... I felt sick.

“I had an affair, Ren. I'm not proud of it. I was a different man then. I was struggling with a lot of things.”

I didn't want to hear his reasoning. All it sounded like to me was an excuse. A whole lotta blah, blah, blah. “Is that why you left us? You set up a new franchise?”

“Ren,” he snapped. “It's done. I can't change it. All I can do now is try and make things right with you.”

“If I didn't come and find you, would you have come and found me?”

“No, probably not,” he said bluntly and I had to give him points for honesty, even though his words sliced right through my heart.

Tears began to threaten again and I dabbed the edge of my sleeve against my eyes.

“It's going to take time for everyone, Ren. You're welcome to stay here for as long as you want. You can have free run of the place, help yourself to anything in the kitchen.”

“Sure Monica won't mind?” I asked, trying to keep the resentment out of my voice.

“She doesn't have a choice. It's my studio.”

Turning on my heel, I shoved back into the studio striding across to the kitchen. All eyes were on me, but I didn't care. I couldn't even look up. I was just the abandoned child. The defective model. When you made something baked from scratch you always made a test batch before the real thing. I was the test batch. Monica was the real thing.

One of the twins was sitting at the long table in the kitchen, a spoon in one hand and an eyebrow rose at my sudden entrance.

Fuck, what was I going to do?

“Great first day, huh?” Meathead Twin said between mouthfuls of some bland looking cereal.

Picking a spot across the table from him, I said, “I'd say hi, but since it's still my first day and all, I don't know which one you are.”

He started laughing. He was cute in a boyish way. “I'm Dean. The difference being, I'm more handsome than Linc. I'm younger, too.”

“By how much?”

He winked. “Five minutes.”

“What a spring chicken,” I said, cracking a smile.

“So, you're kippin' in the spare room?”

“Spare room?” I scoffed. “It's a storage closet.”

“Damn fine storage closet.” He winked, digging his spoon into his cereal again. “I'd fucking live here.” He eyed me for a second and when I didn't reprimand him for swearing, he said, “You don't mind if I say fuck right?”

Cocking an eyebrow, I replied, “I swear like a fucking sailor. Be as foul as you like.”

“I'm going to like you.” He laughed before shoving food into his mouth like a horse.

Yeah, I wasn't sure I would get used to having breakfast across from that. The spoon looked so tiny in his hand, it was almost comical.

“Dean?” Glancing up at Dad's voice, he gave me a small smile. “We're starting in fifteen.”

Meathead Twin mock saluted him. “Right, Coach.”

Glaring, I turned around in my chair. What kind of relationship was I supposed to have with the man? I referred to him as 'Dad', but he was the furthest thing from that that there was.

“He’s a good guy,” Dean said. “It’s just complicated, I guess.”

“Complicated when you don’t tell your family you have another you dumped before them.”

The spoon clattered into his bowl and he leaned over the table. “I don’t know what kind of guy he was then, but I know him now, Ren. He’s a good bloke. I’m not saying that shit won’t be hard, because with Monica…” He shook his head, widening his eyes.

“Like that, huh?” Fucking great.

“She’s used to being the center of attention.”

“Snake in the grass,” I said before I could filter it.

Dean started laughing and slapped a hand on the table, making the dishes clatter. “You’re just like him, you know.”

“By all means, keep digging, Dean.”

“I like to dig.” He wiggled his eyebrows up and down.

Groaning, I decided to change the subject. “What are you training for anyway?”

Dean's eyes lit up. “The upcoming UFC season. The Australian league is still fairly new, but we hope to go to the States to compete at some stage.”

I stared at him, not knowing what UFC meant.

Dean chuckled, pulling out his phone. “Ultimate Fighting Championships. It's mixed martial arts. Looks brutal, but it's a fucking art form.” He handed the phone to me and tapped play on a YouTube video. “Have a squizz.”

As the video played, my gaze turned from skepticism to amazement. The two men on the screen belted the absolute crap out of one another, but there was a finesse about the whole thing. Violent finesse. Bodies twisted and struck out, they lashed one another with fists, knees, feet, elbows...any extremity they could to take each other out. It was a wild, masculine dance.

Dean was right, the whole thing looked brutal, but I was mesmerized. I could see the technique and the absolute perfect physique that was required to be able to handle it. In a way, it was inspiring.

“Shit,” I hissed. “People do this for a living?”

“It's big business, Ren. Some fighters get mega bucks.”

“What about you guys?”

“We've got a buck,” he said with a wink. “Still waiting on the bucks to go mega. Depends on how the season goes, I guess.”

“Dean!” Dad's voice bellowed through the studio.

“Gotta fly, Ren. I'll be seeing you.” He gave me another wink, pocketing his phone before dumping his bowl into one of the sinks. “Hey, beginner class tonight at seven.” He tapped the table and disappeared out into the studio.

Frowning, I let my mind wander back to the video. Beginner class, hey?

Monica chose that moment to walk into the kitchen and zero in on me. Probably because she knew I was alone. Bullies always worked the same way. Get their victims alone. Unfortunately, she was in for a rude shock.

“Stay out of my way,” she hissed, leveling her gaze with mine.

There was no way in hell or any other plane of existence where I was letting Monica Miller walk all over me with her manicured toenails. I knew her type and it wasn't pretty at all.

Sneering, I countered with, “Stay out of mine and we have a deal.”

We stared at each other for another minute, sealing the deal. There was no sisterly bond, no kindness, no understanding. A line had been drawn and the moment one of us stepped over it, it was game on.

I was looking forward to it.

When I didn't back down, Monica huffed her annoyance and spun on her heel leaving the kitchen in a whirlwind of expensive perfume and drama.

There’s no way that spoilt brat was my sister. No fucking way.

I'd never been the kind of chick to sit around and wallow in a pit of my own misery. That was something I could never afford to do. School, housework, cooking, caring for my Mum when things got rough...those things took up one hundred percent of my time. Growing up had to be done all at once, so the moody, difficult, teenager had never surfaced. All of that was trapped under a hard layer of reality.

Reality bit. Hard.

Standing in the upstairs hall at Beat, a plastic bag of gym clothes I'd bought with Dad's money in my hand, I stared at the photos of fighters and championships gone by. They were all guys, but the more I thought about it, the more I wondered if I could do that. Learn to fight. I probably didn't have a chance at winning a competition, but maybe I could be strong again.

It just seemed like something I could do...something I could manage in a world that was empty of everything else. There was a beginner class at seven. Dean seemed to think I’d be into it.

Staring at one of the newer photos, I studied a man in his super smart boxing shorts, holding up a huge red and gold trophy. Dad was on the other side and they were both smiling.

The man was all bulked up with muscle, a large tattoo covering his chest in black and grey. The photo was slightly blurred, so I couldn't make out the design. He was quite handsome in a Tom Cruise circa Top Gun kinda way. The bit before he became a douche and when everyone loved him. I wondered where the guy in the photo was now.

“Hey, Ren.”

I glanced up at Dad as he stuck his head out of the office.

“Everything okay?”

I nodded at the picture. “Just looking.”

He wandered out into the hall and stood by me, glancing at the picture. “Are you going to give the beginner class a try tonight?” he asked. “Free of charge of course.”

“I know.” I shrugged, the plastic bag crinkling as it swung and hit my knee. “Got nothing else to do. I had nothing to wear, so I got some things at the Kmart round the corner.” Twenty bucks got me a sporty top, bra and a pair of those three quarter shiny, Lycra leggings.

Dad's eyes lit up and I suppose I should've felt good about the fact that he was taking an interest in my interest and all of that, but I was still kinda numb. Numb and looking for something, anything, to grab a hold of.

“Thanks for the money,” I added. An olive branch. A tiny twig of one.

“No problems,” he said, the smile in his voice blindingly obvious. “Anytime.”

Nodding at the photograph I'd been staring at, I asked, “Who's that?”

“That's Ashley Fuller,” he declared. “He's the best fighter I've ever had the pleasure of training.”

I glanced at the photo, studying the tattoo on his chest. It wasn't getting any clearer the harder I squinted. “Where is he now?”

“That's kind of an unfortunate story. He was meant to go pro, like Dean and Linc, but he got disqualified.”

Dad sounded disappointed about it, so I prodded, pretending that it was for his benefit. “Disqualified?”

“Banned.”

“Oh.”

“He left to go do the rounds of the circuit in Thailand. That was four years ago.”

“You sound bummed about it.”

Dad scratched his jaw. “He showed a great deal of promise. He could've gone right to the top here and in the States, easy. But he threw it all away.”

I frowned, wondering what it had been that made the guy mess up his future like that. I couldn't understand, but then again, I'd never had one to look forward to. I wanted a future, but I wasn't sure what mine looked like yet.

I kind of pitied this Ash Fuller and his lost dream. He'd been the Golden Boy of Beat and he'd done something stupid, whatever that was, to fuck it all up.

“I have to be honest with you, Ren,” Dad said. “Things aren't the greatest financially here at the moment. We get sponsorships and donations from the companies that sponsor the twins, but nothing that compared to the finances we had when I was training Ash. That's why we do all these extra classes and Monica takes on extra clients.”

Dad's franchise was going through hard times. I bit my lip to stop myself saying that I knew all about budgeting and eating nothing but beans on toast for months on end. Somehow I knew that medical bills were a lot more expensive than the electricity for this place.

“So, it's not all sunshine and rainbows,” he went on.

Grunting, I said, “If you need budgeting tips, hit me up.” Before he could reply, I strode off down the hall to get changed for my initiation into beating people's asses one-oh-one.

5

REN

The next morning, I found myself limping out of Beat and down the footpath like I’d been through the wringer.

Beginner MMA class was brutal. Seriously, I didn’t realize how unfit I actually was until I woke up with muscles that burned every time I moved. That meant it was working, right? I lost count of how many times I ended up on my ass with Dean and Lincoln laughing at me from the sidelines. My first full day at Beat was memorable, but I wasn’t sure it was for the right reasons.

The sun was already up and the sky was clear, promising another hot day for the last weeks of the Australian summer. There was a curse in front of me, and I glanced up as a woman fell to her knees right onto the concrete just ahead of me.

Wincing as she landed, I jogged to catch up with her.

“Hey, let me help you up,” I said, the country girl in me kicking in. I hooked an arm under hers and helped her to her feet. Both knees seemed to be scraped, bleeding a little, but not that bad. She actually seemed to care more about her shoes than her knees and my eyebrows rose.

“Shit,” she hissed, stamping her heeled foot. “Bloody hell.”

She was this tall, blonde, beautiful corporate type all done up in a tailored skirt, jacket and silk shirt. Put her next to me and she was the image of refinement. Shit, would I ever stop feeling inadequate and be happy with who I was?

“Are you okay?” I asked, letting the woman go as she steadied herself.

She glanced down at me from atop her six inch heels. “Yeah, yeah. I’m okay. I wish I could say the same for my shoes. You know how much these things cost?”

I looked down at my scuffed boots and then to her heels and shrugged. I didn’t know a thing about shoes.

“Oh shit, where’s my manners? Thanks for helping me up. I’m Josephine, Josie for short.” She stuck out her hand.

I shook it with a smile. “No problems. I’m Renee, but everyone calls me Ren.”

“Hey, you wanna go for a coffee?” Josie asked, brushing off her knees.

I glanced down the street. “Coffee?”

“Yeah, it’s the least I can do. I mean, nobody stops these days.” She shrugged. “Everyone’s an asshole, you know.”

“Um. Sure?”

“C’mon.” She waved me forward. “I know a little place around the corner.”

We wandered around the corner to Sydney Road, the main drag through Brunswick and into a little coffee shop a few doors up. It sat next to a junk shop and a Turkish bakery that was already open and pumping out the sweet doughy smell of fresh baking bread.

A bell above the door jangled as we walked into the cafe and the bakery’s scent was replaced with fresh roasted coffee.

“Hey, Josie,” the guy behind the coffee machine called out.

“Hey Seth. Just the usual, thanks.” She glanced at me.

“Oh, cappuccino, thanks.”

The barista smiled behind his thick-rimmed hipster glasses. “I don’t think I’ve seen you in here before,” he said to me. “Are you new to the area?”

I shrugged. “You could say that.”

“Well, I’m Seth, the coffee guy. Pleased to meet you.”

Grateful for another friendly face, I smiled. “Ren.”

Seth beamed. He was cute in a lanky, clean-cut, indie, arty kinda way. Total polar opposite from the guys I was hanging out with at Beat. “Have a seat, ladies. I’ll bring ‘em over in a sec.”

Josie led me to a table by the window, the morning sun warming us through the glass.

Seth slid Josie a latte in a glass and set my coffee in front of me before disappearing behind the counter and firing the machine up again.

“Where do you work?” I asked as she dumped a sugar into her drink.

“I work in an office in the city,” she said. “Menial admin junk. My place is up there a bit.” She waved her hand in the air.

“You live on your own?”

“Yeah. Rent is killer.”

I smiled, taking a sip of my cappuccino. We’d lived in the outer suburbs where rent was bad enough that we had been scraping the bottom of the barrel. I wasn’t sure I wanted to know exactly how much it cost to live in the city.

“I saw you come out of Beat,” Josie said. “Do you work there?”

I sighed, not knowing how to describe my situation to a stranger, or if I should. “No, not really. My Dad owns it.”

She sat up straight, suddenly interested. “Really? Are there hot muscly guys?”

“Yeah,” I said with a laugh. “There’s a couple. There’s a lot of exposed nipple.”

“If you don’t mind me saying, you don’t seem very happy about it.”

Josie was so nice and genuinely interested I just spilled everything. I told her about my Mum and how it was her last wish for me to know my Dad. I told her about the last day and actually meeting him for the first time in seventeen years…and my rude awakening by my half-sister, Monica, that I never knew existed.

“Oh Ren,” she exclaimed. “It’s not your fault your Dad’s an ass that left you and your Mum. Shit, I would’ve smacked him one.”

“I can’t believe he put me in the storeroom. What kind of sick joke is that?”

“I’d sleep in his storeroom and eat all his food. Milk him for all you can get,” she declared. “There’s seventeen years of Christmases and birthdays to make up for.” She ticked them off her fingers. “Not to mention good school reports, tooth fairy coinage, pocket money…”

I stared at her, not believing a woman I just met would be so…kind to me.

“What are you looking at me like that for?”

“It’s just,” I stammered. “I just met you five minutes ago, I dump all my crap on you and you’re still sitting here?”

“What can I say? It’s not every day you fall over and someone actually stops to help you up. Besides,” she said, waving a hand at me, “isn’t that meant to be fate or something?”

I cocked my head to the side. “We’re fated to be BFF’s because I helped you up?”

“Ren, I see it this way. I don’t have many female friends. Not good friends anyway. I get along with guys more than anything, and believe me when I say, I’ve got a feeling about you.”

“A feeling?”

“A feeling.”

I gave her a look.

“Oh, shit. I like dick, Ren. Not that kind of feeling.”

I burst out laughing, covering my mouth with my hand.

“Hey, I gotta get going if I want to catch the train into the city. Work and all.” Her chair scraped back as she stood, collecting her handbag. “Wanna get coffee here again tomorrow? Same time?”

My heart began to swell at the thought of making a friend in such a hostile environment so soon.

“Yeah,” I said, beaming. “You got it.”

Life went on like that for a while. It’s what it did. Time went on and waited for nobody to catch up. Days rolled into weeks, classes came and went and I was still as welcome as I was the day I walked into the studio.

The one thing I had that was mine was fighting.

When the lights went off at Beat and everyone left for home, I crept out of my shell and trained. During the day I watched as Dad went through the motions with the Twins, listening to the more advanced techniques they used. Of a evening, I attended all the classes and soon I was advancing from the beginner to the intermediate MMA group. Needless to say I was the only woman, but I didn’t let that stop me.

I’d catch Dad watching every now and then, but he never approached or treated me any differently than he had since day one. Which was with mild interest and a whole lot of indifference. Monica made sure of that. I was only there because Mum wanted me to be, so I wasn’t fazed either way. Maybe that was a lie, or maybe it wasn’t, but after so long looking after someone else, it was refreshing to look after just me.

Every weekday morning, I’d meet Josie at the coffee shop around the corner and we’d talk about anything and everything. I’d never really had a best friend before and I guess she was the closest thing I’d ever had. Nothing was off limits and she was never short of a horror dating story. We’d laugh and chat and it made me forget my situation for an hour every day.

Monday night was the intermediate MMA class and as I shook out my tired muscles I relished how tough it had been. There were ten of us all up and I was the only woman. It was hard work, more because of the exercises and techniques than the distinctive weight and strength disadvantage. It was hard on the body as well as the mind.

We had an outside instructor, so I didn’t have to deal with Dad or the Twins. It was my own space to screw up or excel in and that made it even better.

Stretching out my quads, the guy across from me called out, “You almost had me in that last set, Ren.”

“Up yours Brett.” I brandished my middle finger at him and waved it around. “I could’ve beaten your ass to a bloody pulp. I was going soft on ya.”

Brett had become my training partner during class. At first the other guys gave him shit about it nonstop and he thought he had to give it to me easy because I was a woman, but that was until I put him flat on his back in five seconds flat. The shit stopped and the fear began. Okay, so no fear, but a begrudging respect for the tits and vagina brigade.

“Careful,” he exclaimed.

Laughing, I shoved him as hard as I could. He wasn’t as heavy or as built as the Twins, so he stumbled back a step.

“You’re getting tougher to beat,” he said with a grin.

I wiped the dribble of sweat that was trickling down my neck with my towel. “Thanks.”

“You back Thursday?”

“Wouldn’t miss it.” That’s because I lived here, but I wasn’t letting on about that to a bunch of dudes I took class with.

Brett wandered off, collecting his stuff and followed the line of guys toward the showers. I didn’t fancy showering with nine other guys, even though there were doors with locks and all of that, so I hung around in the studio. I eyed the gym and began to think about the idea of walking it out.

“Hey Ren. How’s class going?”

I glanced up at Dad, who’d crept up on me while I was distracted. All our interactions over the past few weeks had been awkward at best, so I’d been avoiding him as much as possible. I still didn’t know what to say or do, so I didn’t do anything at all. Maybe that wasn’t the brightest idea on the list, but I was at a loss. Mum and I used to talk about everything and she was the only person I really knew how to relate to. Now that she was gone, it was like I'd forgotten how to be close to anyone.

She was the only one who wanted you and she still abandoned you in the end. I squashed down the traitorous thought with a hard swallow.

“It’s okay, I guess.” Total lie. I really liked learning to fight. I loved the burn.

“Monica never showed any interest,” he said. “She’s good with food and all of that, but we never clicked on other things.”

“So, I’m the son you never had?”

“Ren.”

“I’m having a hard time letting the past seventeen years go, Dad. I can’t just turn it off.”

“I am trying, you know.”

“I know, but it’s the fact that Mum had cancer and we were alone. That’s screwed up.” He stood there like a stunned mullet for ages, so I thought I’d better fill in the silence since he didn’t look like he was moving any time soon.

“Any new classes coming up?”

“A new self defense course starts next week.”

I nodded. I already knew about that one. Wednesdays at seven. Tuesday was beginner MMA, Thursday and Monday was intermediate MMA. Friday was for the hardcore fighter junkies. I hadn’t graduated that far yet.

“Are you going to take that, too?” he asked with a chuckle.

“Probably.”

The conversation dipped into a lull again. It didn’t have to be awkward, but it was like we didn’t know what was kosher to talk about. Safe topics, calm waters and all that.

“Why haven’t I met your wife yet?” I asked, knowing full well why I hadn’t.

Dad coughed nervously, which meant I wasn’t going to like his answer. “She doesn’t want to acknowledge that you exist.”

Snorting, I shoved off the wall and strode across the mat, picking up my towel on the way. If it was like that, then I didn’t want to meet her either.

“Ren.”

I didn't turn around. The more people I met, the more chance that I'd be left again. Besides, why would I want to meet the woman who Dad left Mum for? What kind of masochistic crap was that?

Storming into the showers where a bunch of half naked men tried to hastily cover their parts at my appearance, I shelved that one for the too hard basket.

6

ASH

I bet the universe a million bucks that everyone thought I was dead.

It'd been four years since I stood inside the boxing studio that had shaped the fighter I'd become. Four long, agonizing years.

And in all that time, no one had ever thought it might be a good idea to change the alarm code.

It wasn't meant to be like this. Not by a long shot. Problem was, I had a switch and the wrong kinds of people knew how to flip it. Once that happened it took a fucking freight train to stop me. Even I didn't know where off was.

Beat was the one place I could come to and forget every mother fuckin' shit thing that had ever happened to me. I could come here, pound a bag for a few hours, run the treadmill, kick the shit through a bag and get it all out before the switch was even flipped. Better than taking it out on the face of some poor dude in the ring. There was fighting and then there was fighting with anger as your driving force. That kind of shit killed guys on the receiving end and I didn't need that kind of trouble.

Fuck, I missed this place. When you're surrounded by people twenty four seven, you forget what it was like to have time on your own. Solitude. I was a better man solo.

It was the middle of the night and the studio was dark and empty, shadows cast by the streetlights outside were long and distorted by the mirrored wall. It was just the way I liked it. Quiet.

The place hadn't changed that much. It stunk of leather and sweat...stunk of testosterone and fighting. There were new mats, some updated bags hanging at the back and different posters hung on the notice board, but it was still the same Beat I remembered. It was reassuringly familiar.

Coach would flip his stack when he knew I was back. Everyone would.

Kicking loose my trainers and shucking my sweats off, I tested the first punching bag up on the hook. It was heavy enough, so I stretched out and yanked my T-shirt over my head. Just being here like this made anxiety twist in my gut. Time to sweat it out before it got the better of me.

The first few punches felt stiff, but for a guy like me, it was like getting back on a bike. I never really forgot how to fight, it was in my blood. I was born kicking and screaming and I'd go out the same way.

I lost myself to the movements, feeling my muscles come alive and as I punched the absolute shit outta that bag, I felt my heart starting to beat again. My gloved fists hit with a sting that splintered across my knuckles. I felt the impact shoot up my arm and absorb into my torso. Blood was flowing and thrumming in my ears. Yeah, I was fuckin' born to fight.

I caught a hint of movement out the corner of my eye and realized that I wasn’t alone after all. In the mirror I saw a shadowy figure sneaking up behind me. Sneaking never did anyone any fuckin' good.

Spinning on my heel, I came face to face with a cricket bat swinging straight for my head. Aw, shit. My reflexes kicked in and my hand shot up and grasped the end of the bat before it could smack me out.

My gaze collided with a set of brown eyes that were attached to a sexy, disheveled woman and my breath caught.

What the fuck?

7

REN

Staring at the ceiling of my converted storage closet, I sighed.

Another hard night of training had me wired to the extreme. On one hand, I was getting stronger, my body was all toned and I felt good, but it kept me awake at the strangest hours. If I did all this training during the day, then I probably wouldn’t have this problem, but there was no way I was doing it in front of the Twins. That was an accident waiting to happen. Yeah, an accident with my fist to their faces.

Dad’s upgraded wife didn’t want to meet me. She was the bit on the side, why was it my fault? Why weren’t we all angry with Dad about it? It was a game where everyone was a victim, so who knew, right? Maybe I should just let it go and think about more constructive things.

A loud slapping sound brought me back to the present with a violent jerk and I sat up in bed, listening. Another loud slap echoed through the empty studio and my heart began to hammer. It sounded like someone was belting the shit out of something. Ghosts, intruders, robbers...

Crawling out of bed, I cracked open the door and peered down the dark hall. It was empty, but now that there was no barrier between me and whatever was going on down there, it sounded like someone was training. At this hour? It was after midnight. Not even I trained this late.

Edging down the hall, I peered down the stairs and onto the studio floor and almost had a heart attack.

This huge, hulking, monster of a man was going hell for leather with a heavy punching bag, the slap of his fists echoing through the empty studio. He was totally Hulk-smashing some kind of demon out of his system.

Shit. I didn’t recognize him and he was half naked. No shirt, just a pair of shorts. Every time he took a swing, the muscles in his back rippled and I could instantly picture how firm his ass was. Fuck, I was ogling an intruder? He could be anyone.

Slinking back along the hall, I picked up the cricket bat that was leaning against the wall inside the office. The only thought I had was to incapacitate then ask questions. I mean, just one look at the guy told me I’d be no match.

Taking the stairs one at a time, I kept my gaze fixed on his back, but he was too engrossed in his fists to realize I was coming. He beat the bag like it was his worst enemy, like he was trying to kill it. I was right behind him and he was still going at it, so I swung the bat, aiming right for his head. It sailed through the air with surprising speed on my behalf and I almost thought I'd gotten him. He spun on his heel and at the last second, a big paw of a hand shot up and grabbed the end of the bat.

Green eyes stared at me in surprise and suddenly, I wasn't sure what I was looking at. I didn't just have an intruder on my hands, I had a sexy, muscled, tattooed, heartthrob standing over me. Blinking hard, I wrenched the bat out of his grasp.

“Who the fuck are you?” he asked, his chest heaving.

“Me?” I scoffed. “Who the fuck are you?”

“I don't need to explain myself,” he said with a sneer.

“What are you doing in here?”

“What’s it look like, gorgeous?” He stepped forward, prowling like a tiger, all muscles and tattoos. Dean and Lincoln had nothing on this guy and there were two of them.

Realizing I was standing there in nothing but a singlet and shorts, my boobs on full show through the flimsy fabric, I leveled the bat ready to hit him again if he came any closer.

“You fucking tell me before I call the cops on your ass,” I hissed.

“Nobody’s bothered to change the code on the alarm,” he said through a heavy breath. “I needed-” He ran a hand over his face, beginning to look agitated.

“No psychos allowed, buddy. I’ll crack that dense head of yours open if you don’t get out now.”

“You’re a feisty little thing, aren’t you?”

“You’re totally full of yourself.”

He looked me up and down and a grin pulled at his lips. His full, totally kissable, lips. “Coach used to let me train whenever I wanted,” he drawled. “Twenty four seven.”

I stared at him, suddenly releasing who I was looking at.

“Coach?” he prodded. “Andrew Miller? The guy who owns the joint you’re squatting in?”

“I’m not squatting,” I protested.

“So, you’re the guard dog?”

Seeing red, I swung the bat again, but he caught it easily with one hand. He started laughing as I jerked it out of his grasp.

“I’m going to fuckin’ love you, princess.”

“You must be the golden boy that everyone worships around this place,” I said. “They lick your photo every morning and twice before they go home.”

“Ash Fuller,” he declared. “You can lick me anyway you like, darlin’.”

“Fucking, puke.” Total lie. I’d lick him from head to toe and pay special attention to one appendage in particular, but I guess he was used to women submitting to him on their knees. I had a newsflash for Mr. Ash Fuller, Golden Boy. I was definitely not a submissive.

“Listen,” he said, narrowing his eyes. “I don’t know who the fuck you are or what you’re doing here, but I’m just getting in a workout before tomorrow. I’m not going to nick anything.” He edged closer, his hand going for the bat. “I won’t tell if you won’t.”

Jerking away, I lowered it, but tightened my grip on the handle. One wrong move and I’d kneecap him in an instant.

“Coach know you’re crashing here?”

“Get the fuck out.”

He stared at me for a second, before his gaze lowered to my tits.

“Out.”

“Bitch,” he snarled, turning to pick up his stuff.

He dragged on his clothes, stuck his monster feet into his trainers and stormed across the studio. It wasn’t until the door slammed closed behind him, that I lowered the bat.

What a total asshat. A totally hot, sex dripping, asshat.

Checking the lock and punching in the alarm code, I went back upstairs and closed the door to my ‘room’, propping a heavy box in front of it.

Mental note. Get a lock.

The next morning I hadn’t been back long from the coffee shop when the inevitable happened.

“Look what the cat dragged in,” Dad’s excited voice echoed through the studio.

Coming to a stop on the landing, I stared down at Ash Fuller, who had blown right in like he owned the joint. That part was obvious since he thought he could just turn up at midnight and do whatever he wanted. And annoyingly, he was still as sexy as he looked in the dark. Probably more since now he was all lit up and in Golden Boy mode.

Dad threw his arms around GB and thumped him on the back. Definitely his favorite.

My gaze met with Dean’s and he just made a face at me. Looked like I wasn’t the only one not thrilled at the return of one Ash Fuller. Then I felt his eyes on me.

With a groan, I thumped down the stairs, knowing I wouldn’t be able to escape him for long, so I just better get this over with. He said he wouldn’t tell, but that didn’t mean shit.

“Ren,” Dad called out, waving me over.

Stopping an arms length from the two men, I fidgeted nervously.

“She work here?” Ash asked like I wasn't even there.

“She's right the fuck here,” I snapped.

Ash looked me over in a way that made me feel fucked from head to toe. He looked at me like he was seeing me naked and it only made the shade of red I was seeing a lot closer to blood.

“She's just like you,” he said, his voice all deep and sexy, still ignoring me like an arrogant asshole. “Bites like a motherfucker.”

Biting my tongue, I strode off into the gym where Lincoln was pounding the pavement on one of the treadmills. Glancing through the window, I saw Ash talking to Dad, and then he looked up and narrowed his eyes at me. Yeah, I was the Coach’s daughter. I wondered how Dad was spinning it to his star pupil.

“Alright, Ren?” Lincoln asked through a heavy breath, not even breaking stride.

“Alright,” I replied, tossing my water bottle in the holder and towel over the rail.

My gaze was like a magnet and I found myself looking back out into the studio, where Ash had stripped off his shirt and was stretching out, Dad still talking to him. They were training right away? I wondered what for, since he’d been kicked out of pro.

My gaze travelled south, across his chest, trying to decipher what was inked there. His entire chest and stomach were tattooed with black and grey designs, the rest of his body seemed bare. He was etched with stars, skulls, some kind of filigree and words I couldn't read.

Getting on the second treadmill, I started out at a jog, staring out the window that looked over the street. Thankfully, that view was one way and nobody could see in.

Lincoln snorted beside me and thumped the control on his treadmill, increasing his pace.

“What?” I asked.

“Nothin’.”

I slowed down to a walk and slapped his arm. “Out with it.”

“The favorite is back,” he said, nodding through the window where Dad and Ash were still chatting like old buddies.

“You’re worried he’ll steal all your training time?”

“Ash was always better than everyone else. He was better without even trying. He doesn’t need the attention.”

I got it. The Twins had to work doubly hard, or at least double the normal person hard. All this must come natural for Ash and from the looks of the guy, he sure as hell knew it.

“I don’t even think he was in Thailand.”

I turned off the treadmill, facing Lincoln. “What makes you say that?”

He peered out the window, resentment written all over his face. “He’s different. He’s lost form and someone fighting four years solid in those circles would be a lot fitter than he is right now.”

“Maybe he had time off?”

“Ash?” he scoffed. “Unlikely. That guy is like a machine. Fighting is his go juice, Ren.”

I glanced over my shoulder and my gaze crossed Ash’s. A sneer pulled at his lips even as my body began to tingle and I turned away, picking up my towel. Asshole.

Lincoln thumped the controls on his treadmill, slowing down to a jog, then a fast walk. “Be careful with him, Ren. He’s got a reputation.”

“Reputation?”

“Fucks ‘em, leaves ‘em and has a nasty anger problem.”

My face began to heat because all I could think about when I looked at the guy was how much I wanted him to do the fucking part with me. Wiping my face to cover my flush, I sighed. “Thanks for looking out for me Linc, but I don’t intend to be anything with him.”

“You let me know if he gives you any shit, right?”

Thinking about how I tried to crack Ash’s skull open with a cricket bat, I nodded, a grin spreading across my face. “Sure.”

8

ASH

She was Coach’s mother fuckin’ daughter.

Renee. Ren. Spitfire. Shit hot aim with a cricket bat.

Hiding out in the gym as the Thursday night Intermediate class got under way, I stared out the window as I lifted some weights, my gaze planted directly on Ren’s firm little ass. The fuckin’ mouth on her. Smart ass bitch.

I watched her little body as she went through the motions warming up on the mat. Stretching and sticking her tits out with her arms over her head. Then her ass was in the air and my cock tightened. Bloody hell.

She was the only woman who took the class and had been paired with one of the smaller guys, but he was still at least thirty kilos heavier than her. A single blow to the head would send her straight out.

Sweat trickled down my back as I watched her line up with the rest of the men. The class was small, ten all up. My gaze settled on her tits and before I could glance away, my cock started to twitch at the memory of her hard nipples pressing against that little singlet she'd been wearing the night before. Shit.

I was only horny because it'd been a while, not because I wanted her in particular. I could have her if I wanted to, but she was Coach's mother fuckin' long lost daughter. How would that shit look? I'm sure he'd marry me off to Monica in an instant, but the thought of Monica didn't make my dick do anything. She was pretty and all, but if I stuck my cock in her I swear her pussy would bite it off. I liked my dick. I liked it a lot.

And Ren? She already hated me.

Snorting, I set the weight down and turned to the treadmill. Focusing my pent up sexual tension on the street outside, I ran full tilt. My feet pounded on the track and I thumped the control. It wasn't until sweat was pouring down my back that I felt it. It being the burn in my muscles.

Glancing out the window into the studio, my gaze caught on Ren's. Her face was already flushed from the class, but she ducked her head like she was embarrassed I'd caught her staring.

No good was going to come of this. I knew that better than anyone on the fucking planet. Better to be an asshole and deal with it. It would be kinder.

9

REN

Ash had been back an entire week and still hadn't tired of antagonizing me, so when I walked into the kitchen on the eighth bright and sunny morning, I was thrilled beyond belief to see him sitting at the table.

End sarcasm.

He was all on his own and when he saw me come in, his eyes narrowed in displeasure.

Great, breakfast with the douche. I was stubborn as all hell, so there was no way I was skipping because he was in here. At least there wasn't an audience in the way of Monica.

“Morning,” he drawled. “Where's that little singlet you were wearing the other night? The one that shows off your tits?”

Rolling my eyes, I wrenched open the cupboard, pulling out some bland cereal. “Where's a cricket bat when you need one?”

There was a loud snort behind me.

“Ash Fuller-shit,” I muttered just loud enough for him to hear.

His head snapped up and his green eyes met mine.

“Don't get your knickers in a twist,” he said, his lip curling.

Fixing myself a bowl of cereal, I wondered if I should live life a little dangerously and ask him what the hell his problem was. Had my arrival upset the dynamic of Beat that much? Or was he just spitting the dummy because he couldn't show up in the middle of the night anymore?

I took a spot at the furthest end of the table and promptly ignored him.

“Hey, Ren,” Dean exclaimed as he burst into the room, going straight for the fridge. He glared at Ash and wrenched open the door.

“Hey,” I replied.

Ash snorted, which caused Dean to turn and glare. “What’s your problem?”

“Nothing,” he replied, cocking his head to the side.

“If you’ve got something to say to me Ash, then just say it.”

I glanced between the two men warily. Hostility crackled in the air, but I wasn’t sure who was the more pissed. If I was going to take a stab at it, I’d say Dean. Ash had turned up without so much as an explanation to anyone and the Twins’ training time had been split.

“We’ve known each other for years, Dean,” Ash said, a smirk spreading across his face. “Why so pissy now?”

Dean slammed the fridge door closed and placed his palms on the table, his whole body tense. “You’ve lost form Ash. You think you’re still on top here? You think you can just come back outta nowhere and still be top fuckin’ dog?”

“Care to back up your words in the ring?” Ash asked, his voice oddly calm.

Dean thumped his fist on the tabletop. “You're on.”

Ash stood, his chair scraping across the tiled floor. “Five minutes.”

As he passed me, our gazes met briefly before I looked at Dean. Once Golden Boy had disappeared out into the studio, I asked, “You sure?”

Dean dumped his glass in the dishwasher. “Ash is an asshole. He's lost form, he's lording it around the fuckin' joint and I'd like to be able to beat him so I can rub it in and prove he isn't the god he thinks he is.”

I stood, taking my empty bowl over to join his glass. “Can you beat him?”

He shrugged. “Dunno, but I'm sure as fuck gunna try.” He clapped me on the shoulder. “C'mon, come and watch.”

I smiled. “Watch you get your ass handed to you? Sure.”

Dean groaned. “Ren, you're meant to be on my side.”

I grinned at the thought of Ash having his ass handed to him. That was probably going to be unlikely, but if miracles happened, I wanted to be there to see it. “Then let’s go, hot shot.”

We walked out into the studio where everyone had gathered. Lincoln was giving Dean the stink eye, shaking his head.

“What you thinkin’ man?” he asked his twin.

Dean laughed. “Exactly what you’ve been thinking since Ash Fuller walked back in the door.”

Lincoln turned to me, looking for back up. “You believe this, Ren?”

“Unfortunately,” I replied. “Should I get the first aid kit ready?”

“Oh, ha ha,” Dean drawled, shucking off his shirt and shoes. He turned to tape his hands and I gave Lincoln a concerned look, but he just shrugged. Men.

Ash clapped his hands together and started stretching his quads as Dad stood by the wayside looking disappointed, but hardly surprised at their impromptu pissing match. He just eyed both men and shook his head like he was dealing with a bunch of testosterone fuelled teenagers. The testosterone part was right.

“If you boys have got a score to settle, I’d rather you do it in the ring with a ref, than out on the street, “ he said as he threaded his way into the ring.

He turned to hold the ropes up for Dean, who slipped through and began bouncing on his heels, cracking his neck back and forth.

“No unnecessary risks,” he declared, jabbing a finger at Dean. “You’re the one with a placing for the AUFC, not Ash. Got it?”

“Got it, Coach.”

The Twins were in the competition, but Ash was the competition. I had a feeling that just being in it wasn't enough for Dad and the reputation of the studio. It was Championship or bust and Ash could've done that for him. Beat was doing bad financially because of whatever happened four years ago. It was bad enough for the studio to take some of the fall and nobody seemed to know what had really happened.

So, yeah, I wanted to watch the Golden Boy fight to see what all the fuss was about.

I perched on the bench along one side of the ring as Ash stepped through the ropes. Despite myself, my gaze took in every inch of him from his heels, across his tattooed chest which was ripped with muscles, all the way to his messy head of dark hair.

I'd gotten used to being around naked male torsos and exposed nipples a while ago now, but none of them had looked quite as fine as Ash Fuller. His tattoo made him look meaner than he was, enhancing the broadness of his chest. In short, he looked formidable. His physique was something else, but his personality left a lot to be desired.

The two men toed their marks as Dad held up an arm between them. “Clean fight, boys. If it gets too rough, I’m going to put an end to it. Understand?”

They nodded, not taking their eyes of one another.

Dad readied himself to scramble out of the way. “Okay, ready and…fight.”

The moment he was out of the way, Dean lunged, going for a throw, but Ash countered, their shoulders slamming into each other’s chests. They grappled one another, trying to gain purchase, but neither could get the upper hand. They broke contact and stepped back, guards up again.

The Twin stepped forward and punched with his right, going for Ash’s jaw. Golden Boy guarded his face with his arms, absorbing Dean’s blow into his forearms. I winced, knowing that had to hurt, but if he felt it, it didn’t even show on his face.

Dean went to feign right while he was distracted, but Ash was too quick. He pushed a shoulder into the twin's stomach, hands grabbing at his arm. Before anyone could blink, Dean was flying through the air, landing on the flat of his back with a grunt.

Yeah, Ash was good.

“Fuck,” Dean exclaimed, scrambling to his feet.

“Language, Dean,” Dad said, patting him on the shoulder.

Ash toed his mark and stood tall, waiting for Dean to get on with it. No fuss, no fanfare, just one hundred percent business. He didn't need to push Dean verbally because his skill and body did it for him. Finally, I could see why Ash was the Golden Boy of Beat and that title was actually deserved.

There was movement beside me and a cloud of Chanel Number Bitch perfume wafted up my nose. I resisted the urge to groan out loud. This wasn't going to be pretty, not by a long shot. I'd seen Monica watching me for weeks, waiting for the perfect opportunity to sink her claws in to mark her territory and now that Ash was here, her game had upped. Seemed like she'd finally picked her moment and it was while everyone was preoccupied with the ring.

“Good, isn't he?” Monica said, venom lacing her words.

I didn't answer or acknowledge her existence.

“I see you watching him, you know.”

I knew she meant Ash, but she had nothing to worry about. I couldn't stand the guy. It was all professional admiration. Liar.

“He's not interested in you Ren,” she said condescendingly, pretending to be all concerned sister. “All your doing is embarrassing yourself.”

Glaring up at her, I couldn't help biting. “I'm embarrassing myself? I can't stand the guy. Looking at him makes me want to choke on my own vomit, much like the feeling I get when I look at your face. You think he wants you? If anyone should be embarrassed, it's you.”

Monica narrowed her eyes, her lips thinning. “You're not welcome here, Renee.” She used my full name, like she was a parent telling off a naughty child. “You think Dad wants you here? You think you're welcome?” She laughed, shaking her head. “He put you in the storage closet like the trash you are. There's all the confirmation you need.”

I straightened up, balling my fists at my sides. Anger rose hot and fast in my gut. I wanted to punch her into next week.

She looked me up and down, her lip curling in a sneer. “There's no way you are my sister. You will never be a part of this family.”

We were nose to nose and it was a wonder someone hadn't punched or scratched yet. Monica was the hair pulling type, while I was the kind who'd full fist sucker punch in the face. My entire body began coiling, readying itself to break her perfect, symmetrical nose.

A thick arm pushed between us and I blinked hard, digging my fingernails into my palms.

“Hey,” a deep voice boomed. “Take a beat.”

My gaze met Ash's and I realized the fight was over and everyone was staring at us. Unsurprisingly, Dad was still in the ring, watching us in disappointment. What, did he think we'd be BFF's and braid each other's hair? Unlikely.

Monica let out a loud sigh as Ash threaded his arm through hers. Without another glance at me, he led her away, leaving me to seethe in silence.

Typical.

Lincoln appeared beside me and put his big paw of a hand on my shoulder. “You okay?”

I wasn't, but I nodded, staring after Ash, trying to filter out my glamazon half-sister from hell. “Yeah, I'm fine.”

Total lie. I was the furthest thing from it. Monica had just voiced all the doubts and fears that lived deep in my heart. Dean and Linc might be kind, and Josie to an extent, but deep down I was alone. I had a family that didn't want to acknowledge I existed, I lived in a closet, I had no direction and what felt like no hope.

I fucking hated the bitch, but Monica was right.

I didn't belong here.

Not yet.

10

REN

If my life was a cake, then Ash Fuller was the rotten cherry on top.

When he found himself in asshole distance, he took every opportunity to wind me up with a word here or there...or a look. He didn’t have to do very much to piss me off because I wasn’t very happy to begin with. He did nothing to squash the stereotype that all beautiful people were vapid beasts, not that I expected him to. He was just another rung on the ladder that was higher than mine.

I suppose Dad tried his best to make sure I was okay with things, but he never went over or above. We spoke at the studio and nowhere else. No time for Daddy daughter bonding time when you had a demanding drama queen for a daughter and a Golden Boy to look after.

Speaking of drama queens, when Monica walked into a room, I walked out of it. When I turned up in her space, she did the same. And that’s how it went for a while. I just existed and trained hard because that was the only tangible thing in my life. The one thing I had complete control over. I went to classes and continued on during the night when all the lights were out and I was alone.

The Twins noticed that I was changing physically, but they were the only ones apart from Josie. Fuck, Josie. If it wasn’t for Josie and our morning coffee ritual, I would’ve flung myself in front of moving traffic weeks ago. We were so different, yet as friends we just worked.

Despite all of that, depression was only just a beat away and I didn’t know what to do about it. I was hanging on by a thread.

Standing inside the gym, I stared out into the studio, half day dreaming, half ogling Ash like I had a death wish. He trained like the devil himself was biting at his heels. If I was ever going to admire the guy for something, it'd probably be that. His dedication to his sport. It showed physically in every inch of his body. It made me want to vomit admitting it, but he was perfect. No wonder everyone with tits and a vagina wanted to fuck him. I did. All the women in the self-defense class did. I didn’t want to know what he got up to when he wasn’t here, because he was fucking someone and that someone wasn’t me. Like I should give a crap.

He chose the moment I was staring at his ass to glance up at me. Feeling a flush start to rise up my neck, I shook my head as if it would stop it. It didn’t and when Ash saw, he gave me a wink. Asshole.

Like a kick to the guts for good measure, Monica prowled onto the scene from stage left and began to put her poisonous claws all over him. Ash’s gaze met mine again and his eyes narrowed slightly. I never thought I’d ever be in the position to hate my own sister as much as I did. I never thought I’d have a sister, period. Bile rose in the back of my throat and I realized it was jealousy. Great.

There was a loud cough, and glancing up, I saw it was Dean who'd appeared to glare with me.

“Didn't take long,” he said with a sneer.

“Don't sound so overjoyed,” I replied with just as much enthusiasm.

“Look who's talking.”

“Why do I care? The guy is an asshole to me twenty four seven.” I turned and looked Dean up and down and he shook his head.

“Hell no,” he exclaimed. “Don't even think of going there, Ren.”

“I don’t know what you see in her.”

He rolled his eyes. “Neither do I.”

Glancing back, I scowled. I didn’t know what was worse. Knowing it or admitting it.

Ash was tall, muscular and boyishly handsome. He was tattooed, driven and hard working. He had these green eyes that just said it all. Just one look into them and you'd know there was more to him than just those handful of things on the surface.

One look at him and I didn't have to be a genius to know that he was out of my league. There was a time of day and he would never give it to me. He wouldn't look in the first place.

It's not like I was one of those women who was pretty without knowing it. I wasn't pretty at all. I was normal. Plain. I didn't exist on the radar of the outrageously beautiful. I was the wait staff in his over-privileged, over-priced life. He was there merely to remind me of my place on the bottom rung of the ladder, that even though he was all of those things, I would always wind up alone in the end.

Plaything. Toy. Invisible.

There was his stratosphere and then there was mine. The two didn't intertwine. They never even came close.

Now, Monica. She was in his stratosphere. She was so completely in it that she may as well be the bloody thing. She was the sun and he was the planets. Good fucking luck to them.

Jumping on a bike, I decided to go full tilt until I passed out, because unconsciousness was better than watching that story unfold.

11

ASH

I needed to do a few sets on the weights before cutting out for the day, but Ren was still in there, going hell for leather on a bike.

I couldn’t see her face from out in the studio, but I knew her well enough to know her eyes would be full of fire. Hate, dislike…jealousy? All for me. Shit, I shouldn’t lead Monica on like I did, but she made it so easy. Everything she did was an excuse to touch me. She was still a kid when I was here the first time. I was twenty-two and I didn’t know what was good for me where women were concerned, but I did know about jail bait. If I wanted to get all technical about it, at twenty-six, I still didn’t know shit.

Monica was twenty-one now, but she was still Coach’s daughter and the only way that that would go down is if it was a relationship. Fuck that. Those kinda things needed to go both ways.

When Ren finally emerged from the gym, she looked like she was going to pass out. Her gaze never left the floor as she stalked past me without a sideways glance and disappeared into the back.

Dean and Linc were already well into their sets when I went into the gym and they both eyed me with I don’t know what. I never knew if it was jealousy or annoyance, but either way, they weren’t glad I was back.

“What’s with her?” I asked, dumping my water bottle and towel in the corner.

“Don't even think of going there,” Linc said, narrowing his eyes.

“Fuck man,” I said. “She's Coach's daughter.”

“Doesn't stop you from leading on Monica,” Dean said, lifting his weight with a grunt.

“Ren appeared out of nowhere,” I argued, ignoring Dean. Everyone but Monica knew he had a stiffy for her. “Sure as fuck gunna ask a couple of questions about it. Never mentioned her pussy.”

“Mate, Ren's one of the good ones,” Dean said, starting to get all pissy. “Don't fuck with her.”

“Don't plan on it.”

Linc watched me for a moment before he said, “She's a year older than Monica. Coach left her Mum when Ren was five and she had to look after her.”

I frowned. “Look after her?”

“Her Mum had cancer.”

Fuck. Leaving a five year old kid with a Mum that was sick with cancer? That wasn't the Coach I knew, but I could say the same for myself. Nobody knew the real Ash Fuller and that fuck was capable of anything.

“Like I said,” Dean grunted. “Don’t fuck with her.”

I couldn’t help myself. “Or what? You’ll fuck with me?”

“We will fuck with you,” Linc said, glaring.

Snorting, I turned to setup the barbells. I didn’t want to hurt Ren, that wasn't the problem. The problem was the fact that I couldn’t help myself. Just by being here I was hurting her because I knew she was attracted to me, but what she didn’t know was that I was attracted to her. I didn’t just want to fuck her, I wanted to know her and that was a mind fuck in itself. Nothing good would come out of that.

I couldn’t leave Beat, because there wasn’t anyone else that wanted to take me on after my spectacular disqualification. I was a loose cannon that was always on the brink of exploding and nobody wanted to be collateral damage. Coach was the only guy out there that wanted to take a chance on an ass like me.

I couldn’t leave that and to an extent, I couldn’t leave Ren either.

What a fucking cunt.

12

REN

I stared into the foam of my coffee like it was going to divine my bleak future. Or at least hold all the answers that were forever out of my grasp.

Josie kicked me under the table. “What’s with you?” she asked. “You’re all sad sack this morning.”

I shrugged. Meeting Josie at the coffee shop had become the most normal, regular thing in my life. She was the only one who listened and gave a crap and in turn, she told me outrageous stories all related to her dating life which was like a non stop party. Seriously, our morning ritual was like an episode of Sex and the City.

“Ren, seriously. You can tell me anything. I’ve told you some pretty embarrassing crap for only knowing you a few weeks.”

I cracked a small smile. She was right. “Like the Jack Rabbit?”

“Oh fuck, don’t remind me.” Covering her face with her hands she pretended to be embarrassed. “The most memorable one night stand, like ever. All for the wrong reasons, mind you. How could a guy think he could get a woman off fucking her like a bloody rabbit on acid? Shit. It was totally pow, pow, pow.” She did the action with her fingers. “I was bow legged for a week.”

I snorted with laughter. “Oh my god.”

She widened her eyes comically. “I didn’t say that. Not in a good way.”

“Thanks,” I said. “I needed a laugh.”

“What’s up, though? Is the mega bitch giving you problems? Do I need to come crack some skulls?” Josie placed her palms on the table leaning close. “Please tell me I can come to Beat and perv on some hotties.”

“They’re not hotties.” They were.

“Ren, you’re holding out on me. Not fair! From everything you’ve told me, they all sound like bloody Calvin Klein models. And I want to see this Monica so I can see how butt ugly she really is.”

“You’re really sweet, Josie, but that’s a little much.”

“What about Ash?” She wiggled her eyebrows up and down. “It sounds like he’s got you riled up in more ways than one.”

God, Josie was sex mad. “We’ve never gotten along. Ever since he turned up in the middle of the night like he owned the joint…”

“What do you mean? He broke into the place?”

“No, he knew the code on the alarm. I thought he was a robber and tried to smack him out with a cricket bat.”

“You did what?” she shrieked, causing Seth the coffee guy to glance over and smile. “You never told me you tried to conk him on the head.” She put down her glass and looked thoughtful for a second. “Did you get him?”

“Josie!”

“From everything you’ve told me, he’s an ass. If that bat connected, then good for you.” She tapped her temple with a manicured fingernail. “That’s intuition.”

“No, I didn’t get him.”

“Damn. Tough break.”

“Monica’s got her hands over him all the time and it’s just…Ugh.” I slumped back in the chair feeling totally defeated.

Thankfully ignoring me, Josie declared, “So, when do I get to perv on some hot man meat?”

“You did not just say hot man meat.” I rolled my eyes, reaching for the sugar. Serotonin, yeah, I needed some happy chemicals bouncing in my brain.

“C’mon. I don’t have to be into work until eleven today. Ren...” She suddenly became serious. “I need this. Let me drink in the hotness with my eyes. I promise not to touch.”

Laughing, I shook my head. “You’re too much.”

“Please.” She gave me puppy dog eyes.

“Oh, okay.”

She clapped her hands, a look of pure excitement on her face. Yeah, if this was an episode of Sex and the City, then Josie would be Samantha.

“Goodie, let’s go now.”

I had to give her points for enthusiasm as we walked the short distance around the corner to Beat. I held the side door open as she waltzed inside, eyes wide and excited like a kid on Christmas morning.

My heart twisted as I spotted Ash at the back, half hidden behind the row of bags. He shoved a shoulder into one, obscuring everything but the line of his strong back and perfect ass as Lincoln flexed his arms, getting ready to pound the shit out of it. I hated how my body reacted around him. Hated it with all that I had.

“Oh my lord,” Josie declared, her jaw dropping open. “It's all Greek God in here.” She fanned herself with her free hand. “Seriously, Ren. I'm swooning. If I fainted will one of them catch me?”

I started to laugh as Dean walked out of the kitchen. He saw us standing by the door and gave us a wink.

“Oooohhh, look at that one,” Josie declared, beginning to foam at the mouth.

“You want to join a class?” I asked and she made a face.

“Really? You just asked me to do exercise? Voluntarily? Ren, sweetie, if it involves a complementary rubdown by one of those sexy, hulking twins, give me the contract so I can sign my life over.”

“Hey, Ren.”

I glanced up to find Dad approaching us. He looked like a proud father who’s socially retarded daughter had just made her first ever friend. Way to go, Dad. Gold star.

“This is my Dad, Andrew Miller,” I said dryly, nodding at him, my gaze fixed on Ash’s back. God, I just wanted to be able to ignore him forever.

“Pleased to meet you,” I vaguely heard in the background.

“You’ve got a nice place here, Mr. Miller.”

“Oh shit, Andrew is fine. I’m old enough.”

Laughter, then an elbow in my side.

“Ow,” I exclaimed, horrified that I was annoyed at Josie for snapping me out of my Ash induced daydream. Dream? Make that nightmare.

“Give me the grand tour,” she declared, her eyes narrowing.

Grimacing, I led her through the studio, showing her the gym, change rooms, showers and the kitchen. Unfortunately, Monica was standing over the stove, stirring something bland in a huge pot, a tea towel flung over her shoulder. As we walked in, I stiffened and Josie glanced at me, an unspoken question in her eyes. I nodded. That was her.

Monica glanced up at our entrance and flung the wooden spoon on the bench with a dramatic sigh. “I’m busy,” she hissed. “Get out.”

To my horror, Josie stepped forward. “Oh, you must be Monica.”

“And who are you?” Monica glared, venom dripping from her voice.

Josie looked her up and down, sizing her up. When she seemed satisfied, she said, “Fuck, you’re a bitch.”

My mouth actually dropped open at the same time my heart swelled with pride at my feisty BFF. Monica stared, her mouth equally agape.

Josie smiled. “You better close your mouth, sweetie. You might catch a fly.” Pivoting on her heel, she threaded her arm through mine. “What’s next, Ren? This room is bland.”

Biting my bottom lip to stop from laughing like a crazy person, I yanked her out into the hall.

“I’m falling in love with you,” I whispered in her ear.

Laughing, Josie declared, “I like cock, Ren. Preferably one that’s attached to those bulky twin beefcakes out there.”

Dropping her arm, I collapsed against the wall, trying not to hyperventilate.

“FYI, she’s ugly beautiful, Ren. No competition.”

I frowned. “Ugly beautiful?”

“So beautiful she's ugly. All surface, hollow inside. If she was a model, she’d do bikini shoots in men’s magazines and suck cock to get an extra page.”

“Oh god.”

“Feel better?”

“Loads.”

“C’mon,” she said. “What’s upstairs?”

“My glorious storage closet and the office. You don’t really want to see that. It’s kind of pathetic telling you about it, but seeing it is a whole new level of shame.”

“Free rent, state of the art kitchen, free use of the gym, hot beefcakes to drool over… Ren, I’d live in the closet if I got to see that all day.”

“Even with the consolation prize?”

“Speaking of…” She peered out into the studio. “Where’s the asshole? I’m dying to check him out.”

“Don’t know. Don’t care.” Tugging Josie’s arm, I led her out and up the stairs into the privacy of the office.

“It doesn’t seem so bad here, Ren,” Josie said as I closed the door behind us. “Apart from Monica. Took two words to come to the conclusion that she’s an epic bitch.”

I snorted. “It’s not that bad, I guess. The dynamic is just off. And I sleep in the storeroom.”

She gave me a smile and leaned against the desk beside me. “Do you like it? Fighting?”

“It gives me something to do.” I glanced out the window and over the studio below. “After caring for my Mum for so long, I kind of forgot about me.”

“It’ll take time,” Josie said, placing a hand on my arm. “You’ve got it now. With your Dad, things will either work out or they won’t. He seems like he cares, maybe he just doesn’t know what to do either.”

“You always say the right things,” I declared.

“I’m more than a pretty face, you know.”

Shaking my head, my gaze found Ash yet again. This time, I was in the safety of the office and he had to physically seek me out to catch me staring. Not that that made it any better.

“Ugh,” I said. “You want to see Ash? There he is. You can tell which one he is from his aura of bullshit. It radiates.”

Josie leaned over the desk, pressing her hand against the glass to get a good look. “Holy crap,” she gasped. “He’s huge.”

“I bet he likes to think he is.”

“Ren!”

“Not everything’s about dick, Josie.”

“Are you sure?” She winked. “It’s a lot of fun.”

Peering out of the office window, I watched Ash beat the crap out of a bag, sweat glistening on his naked torso. Naked. Torso. Ironically, I began thinking about his dick. I hadn’t had the guts to see what his tattoo said yet. Like I’d ask him.

“You’re into him,” Josie stated.

“No, I’m not,” I bit out.

Her mouth fell open. “Yes you are. That denial took like a millisecond to come out of your mouth, Renee Miller.”

“Give it up.”

“You like Ash. You more than like him, you want to fuck him. Admit it.”

I snorted. “If he had a total personality transplant.”

She looked thoughtful for a moment. “Seth’s nice. He’s not a muscle bound fighter type, but he’s sweet in his own way.”

My eyebrows rose. “Seth? As in coffee shop Seth? Is this an episode of Perfect Match?”

“If Seth asked you out, would you go?”

“Fuck, Josie. I’ve got enough shit to worry about without going on a date.”

“That wasn’t a no.”

I felt like banging my head against the wall. I did not need a date or worst case, a boyfriend. I didn’t need more complications. I didn’t need that kind of scrutiny.

“Don’t you need to go to work?” I asked, trying to steer the conversation away from me.

Josie glanced at her watch. “Oh, shit. You’re right. I better leg it if I want to get the train.”

“C’mon,” I said. “I’ll walk you.”

As we clanged down the stairs and crossed the studio, I felt his eyes on me. How couldn’t I? My thoughts were superseded with Ash. I didn’t need a boyfriend. Ash. I didn’t need a date. Ash. I didn’t need a date with coffee shop Seth. Ash. I didn’t need to get laid. Ash.

This was my life and it was a waking nightmare. I didn’t need anyone.

What I actually needed was a direction and I didn’t care what one it was as long as it pointed away from Ash Fuller.

13

REN

Staring at the slip of paper the ATM had spat out at me, I grimaced.

Funds were getting low and worry began to spike in my stomach. I had some money saved from the epic garage sale after Mum died, but it wasn’t much at all. What little was left was getting eaten up by bank fees and things I needed that I’d never ask Dad to pay for.

I thumped the cancel button on the ATM and snatched my card back. Money had always been the bane of my existence. Having a sick mother who couldn’t work all the time meant I had to pick up the slack. There hadn’t been anyone else and medical bills were expensive. I knew how to budget, but without an income, there was nothing to budget with. Sighing, I shoved my card and the receipt into my pocket and shelved it for later.

Rounding the corner onto Sydney Road, I caught sight of Josie coming the opposite way. Waving, we met out front of the coffee shop and pushed inside. We must have unconsciously synchronized watches at some point between now and the first time we met, because it was the same pretty much every morning.

“Sup, Ren,” she exclaimed as we went inside and pulled up chairs at our usual table.

“Ugh,” I exclaimed.

“Like that, huh? What’s up?”

“I’m worried about money.” I fiddled with a packet of sugar.

“Oh, aren't we all,” she said with a laugh. “I might have this shit hot office job, but rent’s a killer. I swear over half of my pay goes on it.”

“Rent costs that much in the city?” I exclaimed.

“Oh, you better believe it. You want to rent a place?”

“I need a job first.”

Josie waved to Seth, who gave her the thumbs up. It was our code for, the usual.

“If I ever want to get out of Beat, I need money,” I said. “It makes the world go round and all.”

She looked at me like I’d sprouted a second head. “Why would you want to leave Beat? You’ve got free rent, free food, free gym...”

“Josie, why would I want to stay there? I’m treated like an annoyance more than anything. Dad doesn’t want me to meet his wife, Monica is a bitch, Ash is an asshole. The Twins are okay. If it wasn’t for you, the gym equipment and this cafe, then I’d probably waste away.”

Josie’s face melted into a smile. “Aww, really?”

“Don’t get a big head or anything.”

“Ren!” she squealed. “I love you, too.”

“Thanks, but I like doodles.” I rolled my eyes. “Unfortunately.”

She waved me off, picking up her coffee. “Oh, you know what I mean.”

“I don’t have that much in savings and free rent only cuts it for so long,” I went on. “I need to find something to get me out of that toxic air. Part time, full time. Anything.”

Seth chose that moment to put our order on the table. “You need a job?” he asked.

I nodded. “Yeah, I’m looking.”

“Joseph!” Seth yelled out at the top of his lungs, making me flinch.

“Yeah?” A gruff voice called from out back. A second later, an older looking Italian man with salt and pepper hair shoved through a door behind the counter, a tea towel slung over his shoulder.

“Joseph, Ren. Ren, Joseph,” Seth said. “Ren’s looking for a bit of work.”

“Work, eh?” Joseph turned to look me over. “You've got a bit of muscle on you, young lady.”

Josie started to laugh.

“Yeah,” I replied. “I take classes around the corner at the boxing studio.”

He looked surprised. “Beat? You don’t say.”

“Ren’s in here practically every morning,” Seth chipped in, giving me a shy smile. “We could do with a little help with the morning rush.”

Joseph eyed Seth before turning to me. “You got an hour or two to help us this morning?”

My eyes widened. It couldn’t be this easy to get a job. Wasn’t there a multiple interview and a resume process?

“Give it a shot, Ren,” Josie elbowed me. “We’re in here anyway and it’s around the corner from Beat.”

“Sure,” I said. “Whatever you want me to do.”

So, that’s how I found myself cleaning up tables and washing dishes for the rest of the morning, my thoughts firmly fixed on the task at hand rather than on the mess my life was. It was refreshing and distracting and at the end of it, Joseph shoved a twenty in my hand and patted me on the shoulder.

“You don’t complain,” he said in his thick accent. “I like that.”

“Um, thanks?” I didn’t break, drop or spoil anything, so I guess that meant I did okay.

He laughed at my reaction. “Okay, come back tomorrow at seven and we’ll get you on a couple of shifts to see how you go.”

It was just a job in a cafe cleaning tables and serving customers, but it was probably one of the better things that had happened to me since Mum died. I beamed at Joseph and nodded. “You got it.”

I was officially one step closer to independence.

Independence and my own identity. Shit, yeah.

My fist slammed into the heavy leather bag, the impact jolting up my arm and absorbing into my torso.

The only light was from the back row of fluorescents I’d switched on over the ring. It was dark, murky and helped me pretend I was someplace else. The drama from the daylight hours was gone and it was just me and the darkness. Exactly the way I liked it.

I began another set of punches, hair sticking to the sweat beading across the back of my neck. Structure. This was the only thing that was predictable in my life and I needed predictable.

Stance. Guard. Punch. Guard. Repeat.

There was a loud cough behind me and I spun on my heel, heart thumping in my chest, and my gaze collided with Ash’s.

“Fuck,” I exclaimed, holding a hand over my heart. “Don’t fucking do that, Ash.” Typical. The creeper was being all creeper again.

“What are you doing?” He stared at me, his gaze hovering a little too long on my bare midriff.

I steadied the bag with one hand, taking deep breaths. “What does it look like?”

“I’ve never seen…” He trailed off and I wondered if I’d finally made the Golden Boy lost for words.

I turned my back so I didn’t have to look at him. “What? A woman in a sports bra? Highly doubt it.” I rolled my eyes and wiped my forehead with the back of my arm. Even though I couldn’t see, I felt his gaze burning into my skin and I suppressed the urge to squeeze my thighs together. Infuriating, self-absorbed, arrogant…

He appeared beside me and stepped behind the bag, bracing it against his body from shoulder to hip. “Let me spot,” he said.

I didn’t know how long he’d been watching me, but suddenly I felt embarrassed and my skin began to flare. He was a pro, beat the shit out of people for a living and I was… Well, I was just some chick with too much time on her hands.

Stepping back, I said, “It’s fine.”

“Ren.” Ash’s voice was firm and commanding and involuntarily, I stood to attention. “You were doing good. You just need a spotter. Those other bags are too heavy for you.”

He eyed me from around the bag and I flexed my fingers. “Fine.”

Guard up, fists at the ready, thumb over fingers, right foot forward, left back. Punch, right then left and guard up. One. Two. Three.

I hit the bag gently at first, testing the resistance and it felt better. There was no swing, so I increased my strength until I was hitting as hard as I could. I couldn’t see Ash behind the bag, but he was there, his feet firmly planted on the mat.

I lost myself in the repetitions until he called time.

“Good,” he said. Nodding at the wall of mirrors, he went on, “Show me your guard.”

Realizing he was giving me some pointers, I rolled my shoulders once and showed him what I’d been taught.

“Now, take a couple of swings at the bag.”

I went through the motions, punching first with my right and then following through with the left. Then Ash was standing behind me, his big paws landing on my shoulders and I froze.

“You favor your upper arm too much,” he said, his breath hot against my neck. “Punch something the wrong way like that and you’ll shred your arm. When you punch, use your shoulder and your body.” He held onto me, rotating my right arm, showing me what he meant. “You’ll get more force into your blow and you'll land harder.”

“Thanks.”

He sniffed, standing back. “You’re welcome.”

I glanced up at him and saw the unspoken question in his eyes. His mother fucking green eyes that were staring right at me. Eyes that were attached to a handsome face, a jaw coated with a day or two of stubble and lips that I instantly thought about sucking on. Shit.

Pre-empting his question, I cast my gaze onto my hands and said, “I don’t like an audience.”

Ash shifted next to me, creeping forward across the mat. “But, I’ve seen you at classes.”

“That’s different.”

“How?”

“The Meathead Twins would have a field day,” I began, laughing wryly. “I don’t want my Dad knowing, either.”

“What about me?”

His question blindsided me for a moment. I didn’t think he gave a crap what I did, but obviously he’d been watching me for a while if he knew I took all the classes.

“You’ve got better things to do that pay attention to me,” I said, shaking my head. “Seriously, since when have either of us been nice to each other?”

“Do you want me to apologize?” he asked, beginning to sound pissed off.

“I don’t want you to do anything,” I snapped. Total lie. He could lick me between the legs if he wanted.

“I saw you cleaning up tables at that cafe this morning,” he said out of the blue.

“So? I was doing a trial.”

“Why do you need to do that?”

“Because some people need jobs to earn money, Ash. Not all of us have endorsements and sponsors and crap.”

His eyes narrowed. “Coach-”

“Put me in a storage closet,” I growled at him.

Silence tore at us, opening up a chasm of who the fuck cared.

“Do another set,” Ash commanded, his lips thin, and I was more than happy to oblige.

This time he shouldered a shield bag and dug his heels into the mat and I gave him everything I had. I kicked and punched the shit out of that padded bit of leather fantasizing it was his body I was pounding into. Fuck, the word pounding. Whenever I thought about the guy, it was all appendages, licking, humping, mouths and orgasms. That was what pissed me off, right? The fact that Ash drove me wild in an animalistic way, not that he was an asshole, right? He was an asshole, but my body still wanted him. Personality had nothing to do with it.

He made no move to touch me other than showing me the correct way to hold myself. He didn’t want me like that and I didn’t know how much more obvious he could make it. He probably had a string of women on speed dial.

The thought of Ash fucking someone else, fucking Monica, made me see red. I kicked the bag so hard, he stumbled back slightly and Ash was the kind of guy that never stumbled. Ha. Take that.

“Shit, Ren. Whose head you picturin’?”

“Yours.”

He grunted and set the bag aside. “Better?”

“I’m done.” I ripped off my gloves and tossed them on the bench, reaching for my towel.

God, I couldn’t do this. Watching him work out during the day was hard enough, but doing it together in the middle of the night, alone? This was a whole new merry-go-round and I wanted to get off. I didn’t want to ride anymore.

“You need to loosen your muscles,” he said matter-of-factly.

I guess he'd know being all super fighter, but I couldn't think of anything worse.

“Sit,” he commanded, nodding at the bench.

Because I had no impulse control where Ash was concerned, I put my ass on the bench like a good little girl. Should I feel special because the star fighter was giving me a personalized training session? Why the fuck would he care? Sure, he made me melt in all the places that mattered when it came to a rip roaring orgasm, but what was in it for him?

Ash straddled the bench behind me and before I could ready myself, his hands were on me. Thumbs began circling into my muscles, sending tingles right across my skin. A ripped, handsome as hell man giving me a shoulder massage? Um, yes.

Shifting around, I flung a leg over the other side of the bench, my body between his legs. The warmth radiating from him was almost overwhelming and I had to resist the urge to lean back into his chest and moan like a cat in heat. The whole thing was...erotic.

His thumbs moved to the base of my neck, his fingers wrapping over my shoulders, his palms pressing into the places he'd already worked.

“Do any of your muscles feel tight?” he murmured into my ear, his hot breath fluttering against my skin.

“No,” I whispered, but it came out strangled. My entire body began to dissolve into one hot mess and before I knew it, I was leaning back into his chest.

The hard ridge of his cock pressed into my lower back and my breath hitched. God, he was hard and despite all our hurtful back and forths, I wanted it in me. I wanted to feel what he could do to me with everything he had. I wanted it all. He wanted something, but Ash was like a wild beast. One wrong move and it'd spook him and he’d bolt and never come back.

Lips grazed the shell of my ear and a shiver rippled through my body, making my sex clench. Leaning my cheek into his neck, I breathed in his scent deeply. He smelt like sweat and musk, like some heady drug I couldn't get enough of.

Shit, if he'd asked me, I'd strip his shorts off and go down on him in a flash. I'd suck him hard and I'd take him so fucking deep he'd forget his own name. Then I'd stick my ass in the air and let him fuck me like a beast...if he asked. But all he did was gently push his palms against my shoulders, separating our bodies.

My eyes snapped open and I was relieved he couldn’t see the hurt blooming on my face because I sure as fuck couldn’t hide it. Without a word, I stood sharply, snatching up my towel and strode across the mat to the showers. Ash’s gaze burnt into my back until I rounded the corner and the moment I was hidden from it, I let my head drop into my hand.

He was hard and he didn’t want me.

Who the fuck was I kidding? I could lust after Ash all I wanted, but I was nothing to guys like him. I wasn’t pretty or dressed nice or slapped makeup on my face. I wasn’t exactly dynamite in bed. I wasn’t anybody but the abandoned daughter of the high and mighty Coach of Beat. I fucking slept at the studio in the fucking storage closet. That right there, said everything.

Slamming the door to the nearest shower open, I turned on the water as far as it would go, locking myself in. Then I stripped, tossing the clothes marred by his touch to the floor.

After all the shit I’d been though in my life, I didn’t know what I deserved anymore. All I ever knew was loss and if Ash had rejected me any more bluntly than he just did, then…I didn’t know what. Better to not know. Ignorance being bliss and all.

Ducking my head underneath the spray of water, I let it wash away all traces of sweat and humiliation, hoping that would be enough to get the fuck over it.

14

REN

I managed to sneak out of Beat the next morning before Ash showed up.

I knew all about rejection, but his stung the worst. I lay awake most of the night wondering what the hell was wrong with me. Wasn’t I pretty enough? Wasn’t I fit enough? Was it because I was the Coach’s daughter? Was it because I wasn’t easy? Was it because I was damaged? I couldn’t figure it out.

In the end, I closed my eyes and decided that I'd dodged a bullet. Ash obviously had issues and by our powers combined…I didn’t know if I had the strength to deal with his problems as well as mine. Someone would get hurt and it would probably be me.

I turned up at the cafe at seven like Joseph asked me to and Seth spent the half hour before opening showing me the ropes. He was kind and patient and explained everything down to the wire. Unlike the guys at Beat, he was extremely easy to talk to. They got me to clean tables and take orders out to customers, nothing that required rocket science, just vigilance.

By the time Josie came in, I was getting right into it and all thoughts of Ash had simmered down to a dull roar. This job thing was a great idea. It got me out of Beat and away from everything that was slapping me around the head. Dad, Monica, Ash… It was my own private space.

“Hey,” Josie called out, the bell over the door ringing at her abrupt entrance.

I leaned on the counter and smiled, feeling a little frazzled. “Hey.”

She dumped her bag on our usual table and asked, “Everything, okay? How’s working with Seth?” She gave me a suggestive wink.

“God, leave it Josie.” I rolled my eyes.

She looked me up and down with a raised eyebrow as I rubbed my temples. “Ash didn’t do something, did he?”

“He turned up last night while I was training,” I replied, unable to keep it in any longer.

“What? In the middle of the night?”

“Yeah,” I sighed. “It was almost midnight.”

Josie leaned over the counter. “Did he come to see you?”

I frowned. I didn’t actually know why he’d come. Maybe he wanted to train like he did that first night when I almost smacked him out with that cricket bat. Or maybe he did want to see me. It wasn’t a secret I slept upstairs.

Josie took my silence as an admission. “He did!”

“I don’t know,” I hissed, glancing at Seth, whose back was turned at the coffee machine. “He helped me out a little and-” I clamped my mouth shut.

“And what?”

I slapped my hand on my forehead. “Shit.”

“Ren, you keep holding out on me.” Josie pouted. “Your entire life at Beat is like a soap opera and I need my fix. No cliffhangers.”

I sighed, not knowing how to talk about guys to anyone. It wasn’t high on the priority list until recently. “There was a moment…”

She gasped, her eyes widening in excitement. “An almost kiss moment?”

Reluctantly, I nodded. “The asshole dropped the facade for a split second, that’s all.”

“Ren.”

“Don’t Ren me,” I said with a tiny hint of a smile. “I’m embarrassed and totally mortified that I let him get to me.”

“Isn’t that the point?” she asked. “To let him get to you?”

I sighed. He’d get to me and destroy me. I shook my head, no. I was still too delicate after Mum and everything at the studio and if Ash’s rejection had been any more blunter than it had been, then I wouldn’t be able to get over it.

“He pushed me away, Josie,” I said, casting my gaze away, tears beginning to prickle. Fuck, tears? Did I give that much of a shit about Ash Fuller? He was nice to me once.

A pair of suits vacated a table by the window and I picked up the tub and cloth to clean up their mess.

“Maybe he’s shy?” Josie offered.

“Shy?” I scoffed, rounding the counter and making a beeline for the table. “He’s anything but shy.”

Truth was, I knew next to nothing about Ash Fuller and starting something with him, no matter how casual, would be stupid. That guy could be anyone.

“Order up, Josie,” Seth called out, holding up a take out cup.

Thankful for the reprieve, I focused on cleaning up the mess left behind by the suits, shoving all thoughts of Ash Fuller to the back of my mind, locking them up and throwing away the key. I’d have to deal with him sooner or later, but I’d rather it was later.

Much, much later.

15

ASH

Ren avoided me all day.

Or at least, I figured she was. She didn’t come back to Beat until late afternoon and she hid upstairs until I had to leave.

I stood outside of Beat in the darkness, staring at the door wondering if I should go in or not. It had been stupid to turn up last night, but I couldn’t help myself. I needed an outlet and she’d been there. I knew Ren took all the classes, I’d watched her form improving every night, but she steered clear of the Friday free-for-all. Thank fuck she didn’t go in for that or I’d drag her ass out of there myself.

Ren getting hurt didn’t seem to sit well with me and what the hell was up with that?

All day and all night my thoughts were full of Ren. Who the fuck was she? Not more than an hour ago I was pounding my fists into some poor guy until he tapped out. Until the air was tinged with the sickly scent of blood. The beast was unleashed and all I could think about was her.

Kissing her, touching her, fucking her.

How fucked up was that?

I'd break her. Despite her bitch of a mouth, she'd had enough crap in her life. She didn't deserve to be destroyed as well. But it was too late, wasn't it?

I had to see her again, just her and I...just to make sure it was real.

I ran a hand through my hair, my heart jackhammering in my chest. Fuck, I was amped up more than usual. I needed to go in and blow off some steam, but she would be doing the same thing.

Motherfucking Ren. She was destroying my impulse control.

Grimacing, I stuck my key in the lock.

16

REN

Day one of Operation Avoid Ash went down without a hitch. I didn’t know how long I could keep up with it, but I was determined to try.

I slammed a gloved fist into the bag hanging in front of me, relishing the sharp impact against my knuckles. Training had fast become my outlet in the first days I’d been at Beat, but now it had become an outlet for my sexual frustration. Rubbing one out didn’t seem to help, but beating the crap out of something did.

The outside door slammed closed and I jumped, my gaze fixing on Ash. Great. He punched the code into the alarm and prowled over to where I stood on the mat. I glared at him so hard it was a wonder he didn’t burst into flames.

“You came back?” I scoffed. “One night of humiliation wasn’t enough?”

He flexed his fingers, curling them into tight fists. “Ren.”

With a sigh, I glared up at him, my gaze falling on a cut cheek and skin that was already fixing for one hell of a bruise. “What the hell did you do to your face?”

“Shit, Ren. You worried that I’ve marred my good looks?”

I rolled my eyes. “God, you’re so full of yourself.”

“Your smart mouth turns me on, you know that?”

My pussy clenched. “Puke.”

I looked him over again and wondered where the hell he was going in between Beat and my midnight training sessions. Was he fighting someplace?  Or just beating up guys for the hell of it? With Ash, there was no way of telling. That guy was a closed book.

Like I was addicted to punishment, I asked, “Why did you come here?”

Ash frowned and flexed his fingers. “I don’t want to go home.”

Despite my rage, I felt my heart soften. Turning back toward the bag, I said, “Spot me, then.”

He pulled off his shirt and kicked off his trainers before positioning himself behind the bag, like he had the night before.

Focusing on my anger, I went thought another set, reluctantly acknowledging that I preferred the resistance of a spotter than the swing back that I usually got.

After another, he stepped back and said, “That’s enough, I’ve gotta do my own.”

Grunting, I shook out my arms, waiting for him to move before I started a new set, this time working on the new kind of blows with my forearm and elbow that I’d learnt in class.

Ash took the bag next to mine and we did our own thing, our gazes catching occasionally in the mirror in front. He kept stealing glances and I didn’t like whatever thought he had running through his tiny brain. Anything in that guy’s head was bad news.

Finally, he said, “You’re getting better.”

Stopping to wipe my brow with the back of my arm, I said, “That’s the aim.”

“Why do you train?”

Raising my eyebrows, I shrugged. That was way to personal of an answer to give to the likes of Ash Fuller.

“What?” he asked. “Did I ask the wrong question?”

“I just don’t want to give you the answer.”

He flashed a cocky smile at me. “Why not? Embarrassed?”

I wanted to piss him off, so I asked the thing that would probably cut the deepest. “If you got kicked out of pro, then what are you training for?”

All he did was glare at me. I thought I’d seen Ash annoyed before, and that was bad enough, but it had nothing on the anger that flared to life in his eyes. “That’s none of your fuckin’ business, Ren.”

“You seem to know all of mine,” I spat back. I wouldn’t let him bully me into silence. I’d die before I let him get away with anything.

Ash clenched his jaw, nostrils flaring. We stared each other down for what seemed like a millennia before I ripped my gloves off.

“I’m done,” I snapped.

Not waiting for his response, I picked up my things and stalked into the showers. Locking myself in a stall, I stripped and turned the water on as hot as it would go. A minute later, I heard the stall door bang closed beside mine. Water started spraying and I turned my back, not that it made any difference.

We showered in silence, but it's not like we'd speak while naked and separated by a bit of chipboard. I thought of all the things I should ask him and didn’t think any single one of them was appropriate. Why did you get kicked out of pro? Why do you come here? Where do you go at night before you come here? What do you want from me?

“Ren?” Ash called out.

Automatically, I covered my breasts with my hands, even though he couldn't see. No matter what I did, I always felt naked around him. “Yeah?”

“Do you mind if I crash here tonight?”

I didn’t know what I was expecting but it wasn’t that. Blinking hard, I suppressed a shiver. There wasn't a couch or a spare mattress in the entire studio. The only place was my spectacular converted storage closet. The thought of sleeping in the same bed next to Ash...next to his perfect male body...made all the parts that mattered come alive. Fuck.

“Ren?”

“Why?” I squeaked.

There was a pause before his answer came over the shower wall. “I'm beat.”

He sounded so tired and defeated, all my resistance fled the building. “Okay.”

The water cut out over the partition and I followed suit, drying myself off. Pulling on a tired looking tank top, undies and shorts, I cracked the door open, clutching the towel over my breasts. Ash was sitting on the bench, his back to me. The air smelt like whatever soap he used and it was the same spice I got a whiff of the night before.

Shit, what had I signed up for?

His shoulders sagged as his hands worried a towel and I wondered what had him so worked up. He’d been so angry when I’d asked him about his training, but all that had seemed to have washed away in the shower. It wasn’t like he was going to tell me, we hadn’t been very personal until now and last night definitely didn’t count.

“I’m finished,” I murmured, stiffening when he looked up at me.

He nodded once and followed me from the showers and up the stairs.

Maybe I should’ve been embarrassed that Ash was about to see the life my Dad had resigned me to, his long lost daughter shoved in the storage closet, but I didn't care. All I could think about was the fact that he was going to be sleeping beside me. His body was so bulky, I wasn’t sure there would be an inch of space between us.

I flicked on the lamp and all my shame was illuminated in a soft, golden glow.

When he stepped into the room behind me, Ash didn’t say anything when he saw my pathetic set up, he just unceremoniously dumped his stuff in a corner, waiting for me to get into bed before him. Waiting for me to set the boundary.

Hanging my towel over the edge of the shelving, I slipped into bed, taking the far side of the mattress. My back was to him, embarrassed that he’d seen what my life had amounted to. A duffle bag full of clothes and a mattress. If he didn’t want me last night, then he sure as fuck didn’t want me now.

The mattress dipped as Ash climbed in beside me without so much as a word. He clicked off the lamp, plunging us into darkness. I buried underneath the covers, all my nerve endings hypersensitive to his nearness. I was in so much fucking trouble.

Ash shifted and when I felt his big paw of a hand close over my waist and tug me back into his chest, I almost had a breakdown. Did he understand what this was doing to me? My entire body was in agony and that kind of terrified me. Having that kind of reaction to a man had never happened to me before. The kind of reaction where I wanted to fuck and fuck and fuck until I forgot my own name.

Ash buried his nose into my hair and breathed deeply, flexing into my ass. His cock was hard and he was pressing into me from behind and I wasn’t sure what I was meant to do. He’d never tried to kiss or touch me and now he was rubbing his dick into my ass? His hard, and from what I could feel, huge dick... My pussy began to tingle and clench and I bit my bottom lip to stop myself from moaning.

My body couldn’t take it so I rolled my hips backward, rubbing my ass against him and a hand came down on my hip, fingers biting into skin. He held me still for a moment, his lips brushing against the back of my neck. Fuck, I was about to explode. He pressed against me once more, letting out a heavy breath, before letting me go and rolling onto his back.

I considered kicking him out, but the masochist in me wanted him to stay close, even though he kept rejecting me like a nasty piece of ass.

I could say I didn't care all I wanted, but the only fool in this scenario was me. I didn’t want to be alone anymore. Sure, I was afraid of being abandoned again, but I still wanted someone.

Not just anyone.

I wanted Ash.

17

ASH

That first night, I cleared out before Ren woke.

During the night, she’d turned over and flung an arm over my stomach, her cheek resting against my shoulder. I reached over and tucked a loose strand of dark hair behind her ear, probably the only gentle thing I’d ever done in my entire life, and slid out from under her. If she’d been awake, there was no way in hell she would’ve been caught dead with her arm around me. I’d made sure of that.

I scooped up my stuff, dragged my sorry ass out into the hall, got dressed and went home. Once I got to the small studio I rented near the city, I beat off in the shower like a fucking jerk.

Ren didn’t even acknowledge me when I returned to start training with Coach and the Twins later that morning. Was she pissed, embarrassed or something else? I was too stupid to know.

That was the first day that I found it in myself to approach Coach about the financial situation of Beat. I never cared that much before, but I wasn’t that dumb that I hadn’t seen all the red warning notices that were mailed on a weekly basis. They were littered all over the desk upstairs.

You could say getting to know Ren had sparked something in my dead heart, or I could’ve just grown the fuck up over the past four years. Who knew?

I owed Coach for a lot more than taking me back under his wing. A hell of a lot. Without him, I’d never have had a shot at pro in the first place. I’d not only fucked up my dream, but his as well. If I could get his studio back to what it used to be, then that would be a start at fixing everything that I’d broken.

Knocking on the office door, I cracked it open, peering in at Coach who was hunched over the desk, worrying his temples.

“Coach?” I called out.

He sat up straight, shuffling a pile of papers with big red letters stamped on them, under a folder. “Hey, Ash. C’mon in.”

Closing the door behind me, I eyed the pile of letters he’d tried to hide and pulled the bank cheque out of my pocket. Five minutes at the bank, a piece of paper later and here I was. Smoothing it flat, I slid it across the desk with a thick finger.

Coach glanced at the cheque, then at me with confusion. “What’s this?”

“I don’t need it,” I replied.

He picked it up and his eyes widened in surprise. There were a couple of zeros on that thing and the chick at the bank had done the same thing.

“How…” he began, totally lost for words.

I shrugged. Thai boxing didn’t pay me shit, so there were only a few places that I could get that kind of cash and Coach knew it. He wasn’t dumb. He took one look at the cut on my face and knew what I’d been up to and if I was being honest with myself, pretty much everyone else did, too. He was one of the few people who could see right through me. My fingers were in a lot of bad news kinda pies.

“Ash-”

“Take it, Coach,” I snapped. “I don’t want it. You need it. Win, fuckin’ win.”

I slapped him on the shoulder and opened the office door.

“Ash?” Coach called out.

I stopped, not turning around. I didn’t like this heart to heart bullshit.

“Thanks.”

Grunting, I closed the door behind me and thumped down the stairs.

Ash Fuller growing a heart. What the fuck would happen next?

I was too weak to stay away, so I came back to Beat that night and the night after that to train with Ren. Soon, it became normal and I found myself outside of the studio without even thinking about it.

Nobody knew, nobody suspected and as far as I could tell, Ren never told anyone about it either.

Every night, we trained hard together and hardly spoke about anything other than what technique we were working on and then crashed upstairs. It was a tentative ceasefire of sorts, one that was a fine line between something a little too far and something a little too much.

Our tentative truce went on for a week before I had the guts to do the stupidest thing of my life. Lying next to her, holding her in my arms, feeling her tight little ass against my thigh…it was enough to drive a man to ruin. Ren was ruining me and I didn’t know how to stop it.

I thought I knew my limits. Turned out, I didn’t know a fucking thing.

Staring at the ceiling, while Ren nestled into my side, I wondered what it was about her. Was it the fighting? The training we did together? The fact that she could give me shit as much as I gave it? Or that she could stand up to all the crap in her life and fight? When I stood up to all the bad things in mine, I exploded. She didn’t and I wasn’t sure if what I felt was admiration or jealousy.

Ren had a stunning body because of her dedication to learning MMA. Her eyes were dark and drew you in, her hair was long and begged to be pulled, her lips were perfect and her tits…fuck her tits...but it was more than that. More than physical. I fuckin’ wanted her and I couldn’t take it anymore.

“Ren?”

“Yeah?” Her voice was barely a whisper, but her lips were right near my ear.

Turning my head, our noses brushed and I slid a hand over her waist.

“Can I kiss you?” I asked, knowing that I'd be pissed at myself later for showing weakness in front of her. Not just any weakness - my weakness for her.

Our lips were so close that I felt her breath as it fluttered against my skin. My dick was hard, but I couldn't go that far. It wouldn't be fair to fuck her when I was already being such a selfish cunt. Not waiting for her answer, I sucked her bottom lip into my mouth. I thought I was horny for Ren, but I didn't realize just how horny she was, too.

The moment our mouths connected, her leg found its way round my waist and her lips parted with a sigh. I licked into her, our tongues teasing, testing the waters, and that's all it took.

Her hand brushed against my boxers and I grasped her wrist, pinning it behind her back. Fuck, if she touched my dick, I was done. She couldn't touch my dick.

I pressed my thigh between us, keeping her from grinding into me, and cupped her face in my hand, claiming her mouth again. She was so fucking sweet.

Her and I together…she chased away the demons. They were gone.

Pulling back, her eyes met mine and they were full of questions I didn’t have any answers to. Rolling over, I closed my eyes and sleep came quicker than it ever had before.

Selfish fucking cunt.

18

REN

Ash’s mouth.

Ash’s mouth on mine.

Ash’s tongue.

Fuck, he was a good kisser.

He kissed me like he’d fallen out of the pages of a romance novel, then rolled over and fell asleep like nothing was out of the ordinary. Like I didn’t have a million questions. Like I didn’t want to do it again.

I wanted to punch the absolute shit out of him. Jerk.

I was so frustrated and confused. Ash had just woken up and left without so much as mentioning the kiss. He’d just rolled out of bed, pulled on his clothes and vacated the premises. What the hell was with that?

That morning’s shift at the coffee house was going fucking spectacular. I dumped a stack of dirty glasses into the sink and they clattered to the bottom with a crash.

“Hey, Ren,” Seth called out. “Don’t go breaking the shop, hey?”

I’d been working at the coffee shop for over a week and things were working out great. I hadn’t stuffed up an order, dropped anything or made an ass out of myself yet, so I had that going for me at least. I hadn’t told anyone at Beat I had a job elsewhere and nobody but Ash had seemed to notice and he was yet to rat me out. Josie and I had always been here every morning anyway, so they wouldn’t even suspect and I wanted to keep it that way.

Joseph paid me cash in hand at the end of last week and first thing I did was go to the bank and deposit it straight into my account. It wasn’t a million bucks, but it was a step in the right direction.

“Sorry,” I called out, dunking my hands into the water to scrub the coffee stained glasses. There were only a few, so it seemed silly putting them in the dishwasher. Ren’s budgeting tips one-oh-one coming into effect.

Seth came to stand next to me. “Everything, cool?”

I stared at his ironic T-shirt that had an image of a triangle with a galaxy space print. Inside, it said, Just Another Hipster Triangle. ”Nice shirt.”

“Thanks,” he said, glancing down at his chest. “Ironic enough for you?”

“You’re the biggest hipster I know, so it suits you.”

He laughed, shoving a hand through his hair. “True.”

I turned back to finished washing my pile of glasses, but he still hovered, so I glanced back at him. He looked…nervous.

“Hey, so I’m really bad at this…” Seth hesitated, scratching his head, a grimace plastered on his face.

“What?” I asked, knowing exactly where this was going and it stunk of Josie. Or then again, he could be doing it all on his own.

“Do you wanna get dinner or go to a movie or something with me?” he blurted.

“What, like a date?”

He laughed nervously. “Yeah, like a date.”

Oh. Oh. I stood there kind of stunned for a moment, trying to decide which way to take this. I found myself wanting to say yes, but there was that thing that happened last night. Kissing without explanations. I knew I had to sort it out with Ash first. I couldn’t go out with another guy while whatever that thing was with him was going on. It wasn’t fair on Seth.

Seth’s expression fell. “I gather your deafening silence means it’s a no?”

“Sorry, it’s not a no. Things are just complicated for me at the moment.” Complicated like, whoa.

Seth offered me a small smile. “A not yet then?”

I couldn’t help smiling in return. “Ask me tomorrow.”

He laughed, pushing his glasses up his nose. “Deal.”

It wasn’t like I found Seth unattractive. He was quite handsome with his designer stubble, lanky frame and slicked back hairstyle and he actually talked to me like a human being. He was this typical inner city hipster arty type who liked fancy coffee and long meaningful conversations and once, I would’ve gone for him in an instant. But that was then and this was now. Ash Fuller had wormed his way into my bed, kissed me, and destroyed that simplicity with his muscle bound moodiness.

I had to draw a line and work out Ash’s game, because I was done waiting around for life to work out at Beat. He needed to get with the program or get axed and I had to be strong enough to go through with it.

Because…fuck…Ash could kiss. He. Could. Fucking. Kiss.

Seth could be good for me, a safe kind of good, but Ash? The jury was still out on that one.

Ash stood in front of me, his hair dripping from the shower. It was one am, post training session and as per usual, he’d shown up without a hello and this time it was like nothing had happened between us at all.

I hadn’t had the guts to ask him what his deal was yet. How could I when he kept dazzling me like he did? Standing there, half naked all the time, ripped abs on show, his green eyes following my every move. My body was always poised like it was anticipating his touch, but it never came. It hadn’t, at least not until he’d kissed me the night before.

For the first time, I had the guts to stare at his tattoo and read the words he thought were important enough to keep forever. Rage. Heart. Rebirth.

“Like what you see?” he asked with a smirk.

My gaze met his briefly before falling back to his tattoo. “What does it mean?”

He picked up his bag and began walking away. “A lot of things.”

I followed him out into the studio. “Like what?”

“Like too many things that I don’t want to talk about.”

Scowling at his back as he began climbing the stairs, I bit out, “You never talk.”

He didn’t reply until he was opening the door to my storage closet. “That’s what I like about this. We don’t talk.”

Sighing loudly, I fell into bed. He didn’t talk, he didn’t explain, he didn’t anything. It was a whole lotta selfish right there. Did he think he was above me? The more I thought about it, the more I wondered if this was just his outlet. His way of getting what he wanted without commitment.

Was he using me?

The mattress dipped as Ash climbed in beside me and a moment later the lamp switched off. I wanted to kick him out and I wanted to sleep next to him again. Guess which one won out over the other? What a weak little so-and-so.

Rolling over, Ash covered half of my body with his, a thigh pressing between my legs. A strong hand tugged my face to his and he kissed me. As soon as his lips touched mine, it was the same as the night before. My entire body came alive with fireworks and I pressed upwards, my breasts jamming hard against his chest. His hand moved from my face and pressed my hips back into the mattress, separating my body from his.

Slapping his hand away, I sunk my teeth into his bottom lip, causing him to moan softly. I needed him to touch me, I needed him. What the fuck was his game, coming in here and letting things get this far? What did he get out of this? All I got was a bucket load of pent up sexual frustration.

He plunged his tongue into my mouth, claiming me for himself, looking for some kind of solace. Was it like fighting was for me? Did it serve as some kind of distraction? I wasn’t going to be his distraction. Fucked if I was letting him use me like a cheap piece of meat.

It took all my will power, but I pushed him away with the flats on my palms, shoving his chest as hard as I could. He broke away, a frown on his perfect fucking face. Why did he have to look like that?

“What are we doing, Ash?” I asked through a heavy breath.

“Kissing.”

He went to take my lips with his again, but I turned away. “You know what I mean.”

He didn’t answer, his gaze flickering to my lips.

I scowled. “You've been coming here every night for over a week-”

“Don't you want me here?”

“Yes,” I said, shaking my head. “That's the problem. I want you. I want you to touch me.”

“I am touching you,” he said through a heavy breath.

“You know what I mean, Ash.”

He swallowed hard and sat up, shoving his hands into his already messy hair.

“I hardly know you, but I want you to be mine.” I let out a shaky breath, hoping my heart would stay stuck together. “I want to be yours. I want you to touch me. I want you to take me.”

He hissed sharply, refusing to look at me. “You deserve better.”

“I think I know what I want,” I drawled.

“You’ve got plenty of other options.”

I bit my bottom lip, trying to stem the tears that had sprung to life in my eyes. “I haven't got anyone, Ash.”

“You've got your Dad. You’ve-”

“My Dad doesn't give a shit,” I interrupted. “I live in the fucking storeroom. I'm the apple of his fucking eye. He didn't care when he walked out on me and my Mum and he still doesn't.”

He finally looked up at me, his green eyes full of something I didn’t understand. “Ren, I don’t think-”

“I'm here because he feels guilty, not because he loves me. I’m using him for Beat and the free rent.”

“Ren, I-”

“Why won't you put me out of my misery?” I wailed. “Does it turn you on, getting me into the palm of your hand and teasing me every night? Then teasing me during the day by flirting with Monica, the bitch who wants me dead? Is that what this is? A game?”

He stared at me, his expression changing so fast, I had no idea what was going on in his pea-brain.

“Just tell me, Ash. You’re using me for comfort or what-fucking-ever this is to you. I’m used to being used and dumped, so just fucking do it. Rip it off like a band aid.”

Abruptly, he shoved the blanket away and began pulling on his clothes. I watched him dress, my heart cracking. I shouldn't be surprised. I shouldn't be holding back tears. This was the inevitable end I’d been waiting for all along.

Without a word, Ash was on his feet, wrenching open the door. When it slammed closed behind him, my already damaged heart just disappeared into oblivion.

19

ASH

I broke her heart.

I never cared before. I never cared about a woman - all I gave a crap about was fighting.

Best thing to do was break it before someone else did it for me. My lesson was well and truly learnt in that department. Better I did it than let her suffer in someone else's hands.

Ren's lips on mine. Her tongue, her taste, her smell... Just thinking about her made me hard as a rock. It took all my willpower not to picture her naked and moaning as I ploughed into her. Fuck, her pussy.

It was broad daylight, I was standing in the middle of Beat, and all I could think about was fucking Ren. My cock in her pussy.

For a split second I thought about going into the change rooms and beating off, thinking about her as I came. Before I realized what I was doing, I scooped up my towel and walked across the studio and disappeared out back. My hand was on my cock against the material of my shorts and the other on the shower door, when I paused.

Selfish fucking cunt.

“Ash?”

Screwing my eyes shut at the sound of the wrong female voice, I glanced over my shoulder at Monica.

“Everything okay?” she asked, stepping closer.

Fuck, I was so horny. I needed to come so fucking bad.

“Fine,” I replied, my jaw grinding.

“You don't look fine,” she murmured, trying to be all sultry, pouting her lips and sticking her tits out. Monica was beautiful, anyone with a pair could see that, but the personality didn't match. Once, she was the type of woman I'd fuck until I was satisfied, toss out and never call again. Now...

Letting go of my cock, I turned to face her, to tell her to go fuck Dean, because it'd do the guy a favor, but I turned right into her. Her tits pressed against my chest, her scent washed over me and her hand found my hard cock. Too bad it was hard for another woman.

Her gaze met mine and a wicked grin spread across her face. So, she was finally making her play and all it took was for me to pay a little attention to her sister. An image of Ren appeared in my minds eye, all sweaty from our workout the night before, the feel of her body against mine...her frustration...and I pressed my crotch into her hand.

Monica bit her bottom lip in what looked like triumph and began to palm my cock, rubbing up and down.

Grabbing her wrist, I yanked her hand away. “Not for you.”

She stared at me, her expression falling into surprise. “Excuse me?”

“No one ever told you no before?” I whispered in her ear.

She shoved me hard in the chest, stepping away, obviously hurt. Like I gave a shit.

“Be careful what you say to me, Ash,” she hissed. “You want it. You're hard for fucks sake. Let's just get it over with.”

My eyebrows rose. “You think I want you?”

Her face contorted into a deep set scowl. Mean Monica was out of her cage showing her true colors. “You'll regret this.”

“You're going to run to Daddy?” I sneered. “Who do you think got this place out of the black hole it was in? Who earns the money that keeps this place afloat? Me. I don't think Daddy cares, sweetheart.”

Monica shoved me hard in the chest, but it was like she was trying to push a brick wall. If Ren was on the other end, she could put a dint in me. At the thought of that little spitfire, I felt my blood thicken.

“Asshole,” Monica hissed, turning on her heel and fleeing. I didn't give a fuck.

She was the wrong sister. Monica obviously took after her uppity mother. Ren, despite her feelings toward the man, took after Coach more than she knew. I'd pick Ren time and time again, but I could never have her the way I wanted. It'd already gone too far.

Slapping my hand on the shower door, I locked it behind me and began rubbing one out. Ren or no Ren, blue balls never helped anyone.

20

REN

I’d been let down by guys before, but I’d never been rejected so bluntly.

I’d never put myself out there like that either. I mean, I’d never told a guy how much I wanted him to fuck me, so that was a new one. I’d pretty much given Ash free reign and all he did was get up and leave.

I was horrified, embarrassed and heartbroken.

All it did was solidify my belief that in the end, everyone just abandons you when things get hard. I wanted to curl into a little ball and just give up, but that would be too easy, right? I doubted anyone would come and check on me until a weird smell started wafting from underneath the storeroom door.

A cold shower did wonders for waking me up, but not a lot for my melancholy. I stood under the spray, shivering for what felt like an hour before I had the guts to go back out into the studio. Breakfast went down without touching the sides and I slunk into the gym before Ash even arrived. Even then, I was too embarrassed to meet his gaze when he did show up for the days training.

But that didn’t stop me from stealing glances when he wasn’t looking. How couldn’t I? His body was magnificent, total perfection, and it had almost been mine. He’d almost been mine, but now it was just another hurt piled on top of all the others.

All day he smiled and laughed, his fingertips brushing Monica’s arm. Jealousy flared sharp and hot in all my nerve endings and didn’t subside - not for one second. If anyone was developing an anger problem, it was me. I wanted to scream and kick him right where it hurt, but all I did was run on the treadmill like it was some kind of screwed up metaphor.

I managed to steer clear by hiding in the gym, only having the company of the Twins as they alternated on the bikes or the treadmill and whatever Dad had them working on out in the studio.

I did circuits on all the equipment, only breaking for lunch and by mid-afternoon Lincoln finally felt it was time to intervene. He leaned against the arm of the treadmill as I climbed on for round something…I’d lost count a while ago. Tomorrow, my muscles would want to punish me, too.

“Did something happen between you and Ash?” Lincoln asked, eyeing me with concern.

I shook my head, not trusting myself to open my mouth.

“If he’s fucked with you, Ren, just say the word.”

“And what would that achieve?” I asked, rolling my eyes.

“Did you give him that shiner the other week?”

“Me?” I scoffed. “I wish.” The cut on Ash’s face was still there, but the bruise that had risen was long gone.

“I’d like to shake the hand of the person who did.”

“Good luck to you,” I replied, going for the controls. Fast. Yeah, let’s run fast.

Lincoln snatched my hand away from the button. “You’re going to hurt yourself if you keep up that pace.”

He was right, but I wanted to feel something else other than rejection.

“Ren.”

“Fine.” I sighed, stepping back to earth.

“Take a hot shower,” he said, a hand on my shoulder like a protective older brother.

I snatched up my towel and started toward the door.

“Ren?”

I turned at the last second.

“I mean it, you know. Just say the word, okay?”

“Thanks,” I replied, smiling thinly.

Feeling slightly better that someone was in my corner, I crossed the studio with my head down and disappeared into the back. I could hear Ash’s voice echoing in the showers and I stopped short, peering around the corner. His back was against a partition between showers, Monica’s long model-esque perfect body pressed up against his. Suddenly, a pile of vomit rose in the back of my throat as his strange behavior last night was explained in glaring black and white.

Her hand was on his crotch, rubbing his cock and that was all I needed to see. I backed out of the shower block before either of them noticed and escaped up to my closet, trying to ignore the pain slicing through my chest.

I didn’t get why he was in bed with me one second and rejecting me the next. I didn’t get what was so wrong with me, but now I understood and it hurt more than I wanted to admit. Was I forever going to be dumped for the prettier sister?

All answers were pointing to yes and wasn’t that a bitter pill to swallow.

As darkness enveloped Beat, I switched on the back row of lights as per my usual nightly routine. I should’ve spent that night resting after my epic workout, but I hadn’t had a chance to hit anything all day. I needed to hit something before I hit someone.

I pictured Ash's face as I pounded my fists and feet into a bag.

Asshole. Punch. Dickwad. Kick.

Hopefully he got the memo not to turn up tonight. I snorted. He wouldn’t come after the ultimatum I’d given him. I thought about all the places he went between closing at Beat until he turned up at midnight and wanted to gag. He was probably fucking Monica, then coming here to toy with me, but that still didn’t explain that cut on his face. Maybe she liked it rough? Puke.

As soon as the thought splintered through my mind, so did an image of him fucking her. I hit the bag harder, tears springing into my eyes.

Crying wouldn’t help anyone.

“Ren?”

He emerged out of the shadows like some kind of predator. Lucky me. Despite everything, Ash’d turned up in his usual silent creeper way to rub it in…just like clockwork.

I stopped abruptly, my heart jackhammering. “Fuck off.”

“I’m not going away, Ren.” His voice was low and deep and contained a hint of something that sounded like determination. Determination for what though? Keeping the game going for as long as he could?

“You should.”

His jaw clenched like he was trying to stop himself from saying what he really wanted to. He was never straight up, always biting back his words. I was sick of it.

“I saw you with her. All day, every day-” In the shower palming your cock.

“You’re jealous of her?” he scoffed.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” I snapped.

“She’s nothing.”

“Fuck off,” I hissed, not looking at him. Liar.

“Ren.”

The way he said my name always set off this echo deep inside my body. It made me wet, but what was the point? It never went anywhere. I didn’t want to be his sloppy seconds. I didn’t want to touch him after his cock had ploughed into my evil half-sister only hours before.

“You made yourself perfectly clear last night,” I said, trying to keep my voice clear. “So, if this is just pouring salt into the wound, just fuck off because I don't need it.”

“Ren, listen to me-”

I turned on my heel and shoved him hard in the chest, the contact sending spikes of pleasure up my arms. “No, you listen to me. I’m not a toy to be played with, Ash. You can’t come here and screw with me, then run off and fuck my heartless bitch of a sister behind my back. You can’t sleep with me, you can’t touch me and you sure as fuck can’t kiss me again. Ever. I’m a human fucking being and I’ve been through enough shit in my life without having you fuck it up beyond recognition. This is my time and my space. Get the fuck out of it.”

He stared at me like I’d just kicked his puppy and it only made my rage flare into an inferno.

“Didn’t you hear me? Get out.”

Without another word, he slinked off across the studio and shoved the door open with a violent jab. It slammed behind him and then I was alone. Glaring, I went over and punched in the alarm code before locking him and the world out.

I was a game. Remembering the day he fought with Dean in the ring, he'd split up the verbal slinging match between Monica and I and led her away, leaving me behind. He sided with her. He’d done nothing to stand up for me because he was too busy being an asshole. It was like he knew I was an easy target and was taking full advantage.

I was so stupid.

I was just a little girl that was in too far over her head.

The moment I had enough cash, I was getting out of Beat and never coming back.

21

REN

“You never asked me yesterday.”

I stood behind Seth as he battled with the steamer on the coffee machine. He promised to ask me out again yesterday, but he hadn’t uttered a word to me all morning. Today was panning out to be much the same and I wondered if I’d hurt his feelings the first time round.

I was finally ready to take matters into my own hands - matters being my life. I was no longer resigning myself to being slave to Ash Fuller and whatever that thing that sparked the air between us. Obviously, I was the only one who felt it. Time to cut the weeds out of my life and do what I wanted for a change.

Seth shrugged, glancing over his shoulder at me. “Okay, so I’m asking now then.”

I didn’t have to think very hard about it. “Sure.”

Seth's entire face lit up. “How's tonight? Dinner.”

Without hesitation, I replied, “I can meet you at Beat at six? Is that cool?”

He nodded. “What’s with that place anyway?”

“Beat?”

“Yeah.”

“My Dad owns it, I thought you knew?”

“No…I mean I thought that might be it, but nobody ever mentioned it.” He seemed a little put off.

I tossed my dirty cloth at him. “Well then, tonight you can ask me whatever you want. As long as I get to ask you the same.”

He deflected the rag with his shoulder and laughed. “You got it, Ren.”

After I left the coffee shop, the last thing I wanted to do was go back to Beat, so in preparation for our date that night, I caught a tram into the city. I spent the rest of the day exploring the place I’d neglected for so long, Melbourne. I went into every dress shop along Bourke and Swanston Street until I found something that I could see the tomboy in me wearing out to a nice dinner.

I was a jeans and T-shirt kind of girl through and through, but at the thought of going out with Seth, I found myself wanting to make an effort. I squashed down the knowledge that Ash would see me leaving later that night wearing it and swung the bag back and forth as I weaved through the afternoon crowd. I picked out a pair of shoes that would bring a tear to Josie’s eyes and tried not to dwell on the money I’d spent. The money that was my ticket out of Beat and to a place far, far away from Ash and Monica.

I stole into Beat at five thirty and got changed in my closet, putting on some makeup and leaving my hair out because I had no idea what to do with it other than my usual ponytail. Without a mirror to look in, I decided to take a chance and wing it.

My dress was a tight grey number with black leatherish panels down the sides. It hit mid thigh, leaving my long toned legs bare. I shoved my feet in the black patent three inch heels I'd gotten on sale at Target. I guess it suited me, I hoped so because it'd been the only thing that I'd liked. No flowers or frills for this woman.

I paced back and forth, heels tapping on the polished concrete. How the hell was I going to get out without anyone seeing me? Monica wasn't here, thank god, but the Twins and Ash would still be downstairs until six. I should've told Seth six thirty. Shit.

By the time I emerged from my closet and snuck down the stairs like I was a naughty teenager cutting curfew, I realized I was right when I thought I hadn’t left it late enough. Ash was hovering in the middle of the studio, Lincoln and Dean beside him. They were all dressed and on their way home, or in Ash’s case, off to fuck my sister, for the night.

I groaned as the Twins elbowed each other, but Ash stared at me like I was something to eat and suddenly I wished I hadn’t bought the stupid dress.

“Lookin’ good, Ren,” Dean called out.

“Who’s the lucky guy?” Lincoln added, wiggling his eyebrows up and down.

I flipped them the bird and kept walking, shoving open the outside door, my entire body zapping with electricity. I could feel his eyes on me, burning into my skin. I was going on a date with another guy, I shouldn’t be feeling this…aroused. Seriously, my lady bits were clenching so tight it was a wonder I could walk straight.

I spied Seth down the street, walking toward me and I sighed in relief. I went to walk away, but the door opened behind me and a big paw of a hand wrapped around my bicep. By the way my body began to explode, I knew it was Ash and I twisted out of his grasp, not even bothering to look up. I didn’t want to hear it. I’d heard enough from that guy to last me a lifetime.

Ash grabbed my arm again, forcing me to turn and I smacked hard into his chest.

“Who’s the guy?” he asked, the anger plain in his voice.

Wrenching my arm away, I hissed, “None of your business, Ash. You had your chance. Seth wants to take me out. He knows what he wants and he doesn't have to play any games.”

He glanced up at Seth, who was getting closer by the second. “Him?”

He said it like it was no competition. Like I was stupid for going out with some other guy who wasn’t a fighter…or wasn’t him.

“It’s none of your business, Ash.”

He swallowed hard, letting his gaze rake up and down my body and my stupid nipples began to tighten like traitors. I had to remind myself that he’d never bothered to touch them in the first place. That threw a proverbial bucket of ice water over my head.

“You look-” He hesitated like he didn’t know how to give a woman a compliment.

“You look like shit,” I spat back at him. Turning on my heel, I almost ran to meet Seth, who’d finally spotted me waiting for him.

“Hey, Ren,” he said. “You look-” He hesitated, but it was the good kind. “Stunning.”

We hugged and I shook the feeling that something was missing. I just didn't know him that well yet, that was all. Not every relationship had to have that tingle, did it?

“Everything okay?” Seth asked, glancing back at Ash, who was still standing on the footpath glaring daggers at him.

“Yeah, it’s fine.”

“Sure didn’t look like it.”

“You gunna defend my honor?” I asked with a grin.

“Against that guy?” His eyebrows rose in mock surprise.

We started walking down the street, leaving Ash and his toxic bullshit behind, and I shoved a shoulder into his. “You and I both know I can do that on my own.”

“Point.”

We laughed as we walked down the lane toward Sydney Road to catch a tram to the city, my hopes rising to unbelievably high levels.

22

ASH

I watched her walk down the street away from me and hug the skinny douche who, I suddenly recognized, worked at the cafe with her.

The thought of another man with his hands on my Ren drove me insane.

But that was the problem. I thought of her as my Ren, but she wasn't that at all. We trained together at night. It was something that had felt almost sacred, something that was hers and mine, and I took it and made it into something completely selfish.

I kissed her, I slept with her, but I never touched her. I'd have to be a fucking idiot not to notice that she was aroused every single one of those times. She was sporting the female equivalent of blue balls and she was walking away from me with another dude.

To make things worse, she thought I was fucking Monica. Like hell.

Fuck, I was such an asshole.

I didn't have the right to stop her. She wasn't mine.

I walked away from her.

Maybe I should stay away.

23

REN

After we left Beat, Seth and I caught a tram down to Lygon Street.

It was the Italian part of Melbourne and the street was lined with all kinds of pizzerias, restaurants and gelato shops. It was mild out, so there were people jammed into tables on the footpaths, waiters calling out at customers walking by, cars driving slowly on the road. Fairy lights twinkled in the trees along the median strip as noise and laughter washed over us. The air smelt like pasta and cheese, totally mouth watering.

“I know a place just over Faraday Street,” Seth said, guiding me through the chaos.

“Yeah?”

“It’s not that crowded, they have nice seated areas inside. They don’t do straight up Italian, so they’re a little quieter than everywhere else.”

“Sounds great.” It did sound like a nice place to eat, since the noise was bordering on deafening outside. Friday night was one of the busiest for this part of town.

I let Seth lead the way and he pointed out the restaurant as it came into view. Rushing forward, he opened the door and held it for me. “After you.”

Shit, a guy opening a door for me? What the hell did I do to deserve that? Suddenly, I found myself wondering if Ash would do something so chivalrous. A beefcake fighter throwing his jacket over a puddle seemed the most outrageous thing ever.

The place was a seat yourself kind of deal and Seth slid his hand on the small of my back and guided me toward a table at the back. It was a little booth in a dark secluded corner and my heart skipped a beat. All quiet and intimate. I wondered what it would be like to go out to dinner like this with Ash.

“Here okay?” Seth asked.

“Sure.” I slid in one side and he took the other, handing me a menu.

“It’s pretty informal here,” he said. “But the food is good.”

I flipped open the menu and did a quick scan. It was traditional pub food, all fish, chicken and steak. At least he wasn’t trying to impress me with something fancy - fancy kind of scared me with all the artfully placed food in tiny portions. I’d never been to one of those places and it didn’t really do anything to float my boat.

“Looks good,” I replied with a small smile.

“So, where were you living before Melbourne?” Seth asked, trying to get some conversation going.

“Um, before here I lived with my Mum out in Deer Park.”

“Oh, that far out of the city?”

“It’s not that far,” I said, kicking him under the table.

He laughed. “The trains don’t even go that far.”

“Yeah, they do!”

“So, why’d you move to the city then? Got too boring out there?”

I flushed, realizing Seth didn’t know about my Mum and the real reasons I came to the city. “Oh, no, nothing like that.”

“Oh,” he exclaimed realizing he’d hit on an exposed nerve. “Did I ask the wrong thing?”

“No, it’s just I moved here because my Mum died.”

“Oh, shit, Ren. I didn’t-”

I waved a hand at him. “It’s fine.”

Thankfully a waiter came along and interrupted our awkward conversation to take our order.

“I came to find my Dad,” I explained once we were alone again.

“You only just met your Dad?” Seth asked.

“Yeah, about three months or so ago now.”

“How’s that going? I mean, it must be tough.” The waiter came back and dumped a plate of rolls between us.

“Well, he left us when I was five, so I knew him a little.”

Seth picked at his roll. “That’s a long time for someone to change, though.”

“Yeah, I know.” I stared at the plate, feeling awkward.

We fell into an uneasy silence for a while before our food arrived. We talked a little about our favorite music, which Seth seemed to be quite passionate about, our favorite movies, all the simple getting to know you things. I found myself staring at him, wondering what wasn’t clicking. I took in his features, which were quite handsome, but his eyes were a steely grey where Ash’s were a brilliant green. They seemed to change all the time. Dark, light, flecked with shards of hazel, but ultimately green. I liked green, it was a very earthy color.

“Ren?”

I blinked hard. “Sorry, what?”

Seth chuckled. “You still with me? Where’d you go?”

Shit, I was off fantasizing about another man. I didn’t tell him about that, though. What kind of person would that make me?

“Um,” I stuttered. “Sorry?”

“S’okay,” he said, peering at me. “How’s the food?”

I piled up a fork and shoved it in my mouth like a horse and his eyes widened. I gave him the thumbs up. All he did was grimace and glance away. Way to go Ren, total lady.

Groaning internally, I stared at my plate, mentally bashing my head against a brick wall. This had to be the most awkward date in the history of the world. I had such high hopes all afternoon. I bought this dress and shoes…and I spent the whole time thinking about a man who didn’t want me, a man who kept playing me for a fool. Yet here I was seated across from a sweet guy who genuinely wanted to get to know me.

What the hell was wrong with me?

We ate in silence until the waiter came back for our empty plates.

“So, you train at Beat?” Seth asked.

Thankful for something solid to talk about, I replied, “Yeah. Not for anything special. I like learning.”

“Fighting?”

“Yeah, MMA.”

“Mixed Martial Arts?” Seth’s eyebrows rose.

I nodded. “It’s tough, but it’s really quite artful in a way.”

“Remind me never to cross you, then.”

“Duly noted.”

Seth glanced at his watch before shuffling nervously. I was having a tough time trying to read what was going through his head. Was he nervous because he wanted to ditch me? I’d want to ditch me. I had baggage up to the eyeballs, a dead mother, an asshole father, another man in my thoughts…

“Do you want to go?” I asked, wringing my hands underneath the table so he couldn’t see.

He shrugged. “If you want.”

Trying to disguise the hurt at the date falling flat, I smiled and nodded. “Okay.”

I went to pay for my dinner, but Seth waved me away and handed over the cash for us both. As we walked out to the tram stop, my traitorous thoughts started to wonder if Ash would pay, or if he’d try and wrangle a way for me to shell out for us both.

We rode the tram squished together in a corner, Seth’s arm around my waist to steady me against the movement of the rickety old number eight tram. It took us all the way up the residential end of Lygon Street and back towards Brunswick. His palm settled on my waist and my shoulder pressed into his chest. It was all a little boyfriend girlfriend and I should’ve felt something at the fact he was being all protective and holding me in such an intimate way, but there was nothing.

I squashed down my disappointment as the tram rumbled along, stopping at intervals to let people off. When our stop came, we jumped back down to earth and walked down toward Sydney Road.

“I didn’t realize you lived near the coffee shop,” I said to break the silence.

Seth went to take my hand, a subtle move, but I saw it coming and casually wrapped my arms around my stomach.

“Yeah,” he replied, shoving his hand in his jeans pocket. “I share with a couple of guys a few blocks away.”

“Oh, nice. I live right near Beat, so you’re in my neighborhood.” I laughed, but it came out sounding a little thin.

Soon, we were walking down Sydney Road and passing the coffee shop and relief washed over me. Hesitating at the corner, I said, “I go this way.”

“I’ll walk you,” Seth declared. “It’s no problem.”

Suddenly, I didn’t want him to know where I really lived. He’d ask questions and living in a closet wasn’t the answer I wanted to give him.

“Oh, it’s okay. It’s like a minute away.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah.”

I wasn’t quite sure if I was meant to walk away or say something else, so I stood awkwardly, waiting to see what Seth would do. Maybe I should’ve walked away because he stepped forward, sliding a hand over my waist. He moved in, going for a kiss and my heart started to jackhammer. It was more panic than lust and at the last second, I turned away, his lips connecting with my cheek.

Awkward.

“Okay, so goodnight,” Seth said, his brow furrowed. He stood back, breaking contact and I didn’t have to be a rocket scientist to understand that I’d just hurt his feelings pretty bloody bad.

“Thanks for dinner,” I offered lamely.

“No problems.” He gave me a little wave, taking a few steps back before turning on his heel and striding down the street.

Shit.

Beat was dark when I stuck my key into the lock. After Seth left, I practically ran down the lane to distance myself from…that thing…that almost kiss that didn’t do anything to excite me.

It felt nothing like the times Ash had kissed me. No fireworks, no moisture or pussy clenching. No nothing.

I locked the door behind me and punched in the alarm code. God, I was such an idiot.

I found another kind of disappointment rising at the fact that Beat was empty. I wandered across the studio toward the stairs, trying to decide if I wanted to train or just call it a night and sleep it all way. Maybe I’d wake up and realize that that terrible date was all a really silly dream. Yeah, I’d sleep it away.

Stopping half way between the door and the stairs, I finally noticed Ash sitting on the bench, the sweat on his back sparkling in the moonlight. My heart skipped a beat and I felt like banging my head against the wall. He’d been here training without me, that much was obvious, but lurking in the dark?

He was peering around his arm, watching my every movement like he was waiting to pounce unawares. When I stopped, he sat up straight.

“What are you doing here in the dark?” I asked, crossing my arms over my chest. I suddenly felt exposed in my dress and fancy shoes. More exposed than I did in a pair of shorts and sports bra which showed off way more skin. Work that one out.

“I wanted to train,” he said, his deep voice booming in the silent studio.

“In the dark?”

The space stretched open between us, the distance amplified by the blackness.

Ash grunted, standing. Despite being so angry at him, I kicked off my shoes and padded across the mats toward him. He stepped into a pool of light shining in from the skylight and that’s when I realized his face was messed up. Like, really messed up. Blood had trailed from his eyebrow down his face and onto his chest and had been smeared into his hair.

“Ash,” I hissed. “What the fuck? You’re bleeding.”

He shrugged.

God, he was so annoying. I thought I’d had a taste of self destruction in the days directly after Mum passed away, but this was a whole new level. He wouldn't have gone out and gotten into a fight because I went out with another guy, would he? The idea seemed ridiculous. Like I deserved the honor.

“Sit down,” I ordered, shoving him back toward the bench. I slid into the kitchen and pulled the first aid kit off the wall. I’d known some stupid men, but Ash took the cake.

When I came out, he was sitting on the bench, elbows on his knees, head sagging. With a sigh, I flipped on the back row of lights and went to join him. Sitting beside the idiot, I cracked open the kit and fished out a couple of antiseptic wipes.

He glanced up at me and in the light it looked a hell of a lot worse than I first realized. His eyebrow was split, it didn’t look deep, but it’d been a bleeder. The blood had dried and was flaking on his skin as if the simple notion of washing hadn't seemed to have crossed his mind.

When the hell had this happened? When he was at that magical alternate reality that he disappeared to every night? It had to be.

“How'd it happen?” I asked, dabbing the cut in his eyebrow with a swab. He didn't even flinch when the alcohol seeped into the open wound.

He shrugged. Fuck, I hated his shrugging. It was his answer to everything, like a petulant little child. I pressed the swab into his cut a little too hard and he winced.

“Did you get beat up on purpose?” I asked. Give me an answer, any answer.

“Not exactly,” he murmured.

“But you’ve been out fighting?”

“Yeah.”

“Why?” He didn’t have a pro Championship to train for, he could fight whomever he wanted. But why would he just go out and fight random guys for kicks? Something wasn’t adding up and Ash didn’t seem the kind of guy that did anything at random. His thoughts were calculated, all of them.

He started grinding his jaw. Probably deciding what lie to tell me.

“Does she like it rough?” I spat.

“Fuck, Ren,” Ash cursed, leaning closer, eyes blazing. The cut and all the dried blood only made him look fiercer than usual and my heart sped up.

“Do you realize how much I want to beat the absolute shit out of you?” I asked, shoving the swab back into its packet, trying not to get caught in his web. Too late.

“I'd like to see you try.” He chuckled, leaning even closer.

“You won't tell me where you go, you won't tell me why you train, you won't tell me why you come back here every night,” I said, worrying the hem of my dress. “Give me something else, then.”

“Like what?”

I glanced up into his green eyes and my breath caught when I realized how close he was. “Who are you?”

“What do you mean?” he whispered.

Our noses brushed and it would’ve been so easy to lean forward and press my lips to his and make him give me what I’d been hot for for weeks, but I wasn’t so sure it was what I wanted anymore. Even after that terrible date with Seth. The date you spent fantasizing about the man right in front of you.

Shit.

Ash’s gaze dropped to my mouth, asking a silent question and I jerked backward, turning away.

“I’ve gotta go,” he murmured, his voice full of an emotion I didn’t want to acknowledge.

I couldn’t bring myself to speak, let alone look at him, so I nodded and started shoving everything back into the first aid kit.

“Ren?”

Automatically, I glanced up into his eyes and my breath caught. He’d pulled his shirt back on and shoved his feet into his shoes. So, he was really going then. Why was I so disappointed?

“Thanks,” he said, pointing to his eyebrow. “For that.”

I smiled thinly, hugging the first aid kit against my chest. “You’re welcome.”

Scrambling to my feet I padded across the studio and into the kitchen so I didn’t have to sit there and watch him walk away…again.

A small voice chimed in the back of my head. You shouldn’t have given him an ultimatum. You should’ve just let him do whatever he wanted and then he’d been sleeping next to you tonight. Maybe he would kiss you again.

But I was fooling myself. I wanted all of those things, but it was nothing without the ‘more’. I didn’t just want more. I needed it. I needed someone. I needed Ash…but did he need me?

24

REN

Ash and I had called yet another truce, but who knew how long this one would last.

I thought back to last night, the awkwardness between Seth and I, and I couldn’t help but feel disappointed. He was such a nice guy, definitely not complicated in any way. He was sweet, held doors open for me and asked questions he genuinely seemed interested in hearing the answers to. Shit, he answered them, too.

Watching Ash as he pushed open the outside door and sauntered in like he was king of the ring, my heart skipped a beat. That was the thing I was hoping for last night. It was the thing that was missing. The racing heart, the tingling skin...the need my body felt.

“What happened to your face, dude?” I heard Lincoln exclaim as Ash took his place out in the studio.

“None of your fuckin’ business,” he drawled as he shucked his shirt off.

Yep, asshole Ash was on the prowl today. Rolling my eyes, I decided to sit this one out in the gym. I’d forever be asking questions where he was concerned and never understanding any of them.

“Ash,” Dad called out, “phone.”

Lost in thought, I was only half aware I was staring. Ash picked up the portable from the wall and pressed the button to answer. Turning away and breaking the spell, I took the opportunity to escape into the gym while the beast was distracted. There was no way I was dealing with his dramatics today.

I'd just gotten to the door when Dean pushed past me, a panicked expression on his face.

“Shit,” he hissed.

There was an ear splitting crash, followed by shattering glass and I spun on my heel to see a chair and shards of mirror fall to the floor. Ash stood seething, his entire body coiled in seek and destroy mode. What the hell had happened in the space of two minutes?

Dean sprinted across the mats, but was too slow as Ash started on what could only be described as a rampage. He flung the bench, smashing it into the mirrors, cracking even more glass. He flung medicine balls and dumbbells and when he couldn't get a hold of anything, his hands fisted into his hair.

He wasn’t a bull in a china shop. He was a nuclear bomb.

Dean grabbed him from behind as Dad thundered down the stairs at the commotion, but Ash was too strong for him. He threw the Twin like he weighed nothing, making him fall flat on his ass.

Monica was in the doorway of the kitchen, staring on in horror as Dad came forward trying to calm the beast before he did more damage.

“Ash, calm down mate. What's wrong? Let's talk this out, huh?”

Ash turned at the sound of his voice and for the first time since he'd snapped I saw his face and it was like he wasn't there at all. He looked vacant. The Twins had warned me that he had an anger issue, but stupidly I never thought it was quite like this. I'd disregarded it as hearsay.

Was this why he was kicked out of pro? He had one of these...episodes? Was he too great a risk to take on, or had he hurt someone when he wasn't himself?

My heart raced in my chest as Ash stepped toward him, fists clenched at his sides. If he decided to punch, he'd put Dad in hospital with a single blow. I didn't like the guy that much, we'd never really worked through all our baggage, but I couldn't let Ash flatten him.

I stepped out of the gym and slunk across the mat toward the two men, my heart firmly lodged in my throat.

“Ren, stay back,” Dad exclaimed, holding the flat of his palm out at me.

Ash's gaze snapped to mine and it was empty. It should've scared me more than it did, but I wasn't the same Ren who'd walked into Beat almost three months ago. I wasn't the same Ren who'd let the world walk all over her.

Ash and I had shared something all those nights we'd trained together. I didn't know what it was to him, but every night since he'd slept over, it was like I'd been a part of a place that he found solace in. Maybe it would be the thing to bring him back now.

I let out a shaky breath and took another step forward. I had no idea what the hell I was doing, but I had to try something. I couldn't see anyone cracking out a tranquillizer dart, so what else was there to do? Get the cricket bat?

I held up my hand, stilling my movement. “Let me try.”

Dad swallowed hard and nodded. He didn't have a choice and I wasn't asking for permission. Turning my attention back on Ash, I inched forward and blocked out everything and everyone else.

He stared at me, chest heaving and eyes unfocused like he was on pause. The moment I did something he didn't like it would be game on and I'd better be ready to run or stand and fight. My heart thumped erratically in my chest, but I didn't back down. I couldn't.

“Ash,” I murmured and his jaw started to grind like he was waging an internal battle. “You wanna take a beat?”

He jerked forward a step and Dad went to grab me, but I held up a hand.

“What's going on?” I asked, not taking my eyes off him. “I know you don't like to talk, but shit. Did you have to smash the mirror?”

His mouth opened and closed as he struggled with whatever demon was unleashed inside of him.

I held out my hand. “Ash. Please.”

His entire body coiled like he was going to strike and I rushed forward grabbing his face in my hands.

“Don't,” I whispered as his hands clamped down on my waist. It was risky on my part, but it was a risk that paid off as his expression started to melt.

Ash half slid and half fell to the mat, taking me with him. Oblivious to all the eyes trained on us, I stroked his face as beads of sweat trickled down his skin. Yeah, I was kinda worried he'd forget I was right there and go for round two, using me as his next accessory to mayhem, but one look into his emerald eyes and there was no way I was moving.

My legs were tangled through his, his taped hands clutching at my thighs, his chest heaving with exertion...

“Time to hit the showers, Maverick,” I whispered so only he could hear. I didn't know where that came from, calling him that, but he nodded, his grip loosening. Suddenly, I remembered the photo upstairs. He did look a little like a young Tom Cruise in Top Gun. Maverick suited him, the cocky bastard.

Ash hauled himself to his feet, his whole demeanor exuding exhaustion. He was running himself to the point of no return, with training every day, going wherever it was he went afterwards, then coming back to train with me. He might like to think he was a god, but he was only human like the rest of us. I had no idea what was going on with him, but I knew what a death wish looked like.

Glaring at everyone, who were still standing around staring as us like I’d sprouted a second head, I gently pushed Ash toward the showers. I had every intent on following and making sure he came out in one piece, but Dad grabbed my arm as I passed, stopping me mid-stride.

“Be careful with him, Ren,” he murmured, his gaze leveled with mine.

Shaking free, I bit down on my own rising anger. “I'm a big girl, Dad. I've been looking after myself since I was five.”

His eyes narrowed in disapproval, but I didn’t give a flying fuck.

Next in line was Dean, who put a hand on my shoulder. “If he hurts you, just say the word.”

“I’ve got it, Dean.” I shrugged his hand away. “But thanks.”

“I worry about you, Ren.”

“Dean,” I scolded.

“Okay, go.” He sighed and nodded toward the showers.

As I crossed the mats, I guess the gig was up. Everyone now knew something was going on between us other than a raging love hate relationship and now Monica would have even more reason to hate me. I didn’t see her running head on into the danger zone to try and calm down the man she wanted so much. I guess the target had gotten bigger on my back and retribution was going to be a bitch. If it came at all.

Monica had seemed to accept my presence at Beat, but it wasn’t without its problems. I just knew she was biding her time, but I had too much going on to even think about it.

When I padded into the showers, Ash was sitting on the bench, holding his head in his hands. At the sound of my entrance, he glanced up, a frown creasing his forehead.

“You need to stay away from me, Ren.”

Games. He kept playing the cryptic bloody crossword.

“Be straight with me,” I said, sitting beside him. “Stop playing games and just tell me what’s going on.”

“I-”

“I just put myself in the line of…whatever the hell that was out there and you can’t give me one little thing?”

His shoulders rose as he took a deep breath and fell as he let it out in one long whoosh. He didn't move or say anything and I had no idea what to follow that one up with. I supposed it was better if Monica was here, I mean she was the one he wanted, right?

“Do you want me to get Monica?”

“No,” he snapped. “I don't fuckin' want her.”

Before I could stop myself, I flinched.

“Shit, Ren,” he said, leaning against me. “If you'd just let me tell you the other night...I never did shit with her.”

I think I stopped breathing for a full thirty seconds. “I saw you,” I muttered.

“Saw me what?”

“Right there.” I pointed to where I'd seen him and Monica heavy petting. “She-”

Ash's eyes narrowed as his lip curled into a sneer. “Then you didn't see the part where I pushed her away and told her it wasn't hers to touch.”

I glanced away, biting my bottom lip. Yeah, I felt good about that but it still wasn't mine, either.

“What are we doing?” I whispered.

“I don't know,” he replied, staring at his hands.

I decided to go with the obvious. “Why did you snap out there? Who was on the phone?”

Ash started grinding his jaw, a trait I’d pegged to be a nervous tick. He did it when he didn’t want to tell me something and it drove me absolutely bonkers.

“Are you going out with him again?” he asked.

“Stop changing the subject,” I snapped.

“Are you?” This time, he turned to look at me, his emerald eyes piercing into mine. They were brighter now, but I wondered how far I could push him considering it had only been a handful of minutes since he’d Hulk-smashed the studio to pieces.

“Ash,” I murmured. “It’s complicated.”

He shoved his bulky frame to an upright position. “Why should I give you answers when you can’t give me any, either?”

He thundered into the closest shower and slammed the door closed, leaving me sitting there in stunned silence. Me giving him answers? I was an open book where he was concerned. He knew my entire pathetic story, he knew how much I’d wanted him…still wanted him to an extent, because someone who didn’t give a shit wouldn’t have done what I just did out there. Calm a wild beast who could’ve smashed me apart.

One thing I was sure of was the fact that I had to be straight with Seth. I wasn’t over whatever this thing with Ash was and I wasn’t sure I was going to be any time soon. That wasn’t fair on him and I didn’t just wake up one day and become a heartless bitch. I had to suck up my pride and tell him the truth.

Swallowing hard, I left Ash to sulk in the shower. I’d given him enough of me for one day. I just hoped it wasn’t too much.

That night, Ash didn’t turn up to train.

I couldn’t blame him, but I wasn’t sure I was ready to face him. Was it anger, annoyance, humiliation, avoidance or a mixture of all of the above? Either way, I was glad for the breathing space. There were so many unanswered questions and so much tension between us, it was eating me from the inside out. Seeing him on a daily basis did nothing to stem any of it.

I wasn't working the next day and neither was Seth, so I texted him to ask if he would meet me later that night. When he texted back a half hour later with a yes, I was relieved. I owed him an explanation for my awkward behavior. I mean, I couldn't be that kind of woman. The one who used and led people on.

Ash didn't turn up at Beat that day, either. The Twins were well into training for the day with Dad, and Monica was in the kitchen planning a new set of meals. No one had mentioned yesterday's incident, the most I'd gotten was an FYI from Dad that the glazier was coming to put in a new bank of mirrors on Monday morning. If he wasn't there, I was supposed to let him in.

Monica was fuming at me for yesterday, but that was nothing new. Her, Dad, all the stuff with Mum and me being left to care for her...well, that baggage was still around, but nobody had the time or will to deal with it. That was another festering wound that would probably blow up one day.

I'd been grudgingly accepted at Beat and I wasn't sure when that had happened. Was it acceptance or resignation? Who knew, right? I still wanted to keep saving so I could get my own place, but I wasn't so sure getting away from Ash was as high on the list as it used to be.

I snuck out at six to meet Seth at a pub called The Retreat, which was a few blocks away on Sydney Road. It was this haphazard place, like bits and pieces of different buildings had been collected and stuck together with gaffer tape. It looked like the inside of someone's house rather than a pub and the beer garden looked like a typical Aussie backyard. All mismatched garden furniture, green lawn, sans-garden, complete with a Hills Hoist clothesline.

That's where I found Seth, who was sitting on a deck chair, nursing a beer in his hand. The sun was setting, the sky blazing with a thousand shades of orange.

“Hey,” I said, standing next to him.

Seth glanced up and when he saw it was me, he frowned. “Hey.”

I pulled up a free chair and sat next to him. “Look, about the other night…”

“It’s okay Ren,” he interrupted. “I understand.”

“It’s not that I don’t like you. I really do, it’s just-”

“You don’t feel that thing?”

“Will you stop interrupting me?” I scolded playfully, trying to dial down the awkward. “I really like you, but I don’t think there’s more to us than friends.”

He took a long draught of beer and I raised my eyebrows.

“You'll have to give me a sec, Ren,” he said. “My pride is hurt.”

I nodded at his almost empty glass. “Can I get you another?”

“No, that's okay. I think I'll call it a night.”

“But I just got here,” I complained.

“Sorry Ren.” He shrugged and I got the distinct feeling that I was losing him.

“Seth...”

He drained the last of his beer and slid the empty onto a nearby table. “I'll walk you to the tram stop.”

“Um,” I hesitated. “I kinda live at Beat.”

Seth paused, staring at me in surprise. “What do you mean?”

“I didn't mention it before because it's bloody embarrassing,” I said, burying my face in my hands. “You know I don't really know my Dad.” He nodded, because I'd told him as much on our date. “Well, his new family hates my guts. I'm not welcome to stay with him and I can't afford to get my own place...”

“So you live at Beat?” Seth finished for me.

“In the closet like fucking Cinderella.”

“Shit, now I understand why you're always there.”

I frowned at him, not understanding why he wasn't laughing or saying something nasty about my sleeping arrangements.

“What?” he asked getting out of his deck chair. “As long as your Dad doesn't make you pay rent, is it that bad? The location is pretty great.”

I started laughing, relief washing over me. We were still us, friends.

Seth held out his hand. “I'll walk you home then?”

I took his hand and he hauled me up. “Sure.”

We escaped the throng of Saturday night drunkards that had clogged up the pub and wandered back toward the studio.

“You didn't tell Josie about it, did you?” Seth asked as we crossed the street at the traffic lights.

“No,” I said with a laugh. “We'd never live it down.”

“What's the word for that?” Seth asked with a grin.

“Busybody?”

“Yeah, that.”

“Good description,” I said, the bounce coming back to my step. “She should be one of those dating consultants. You know, help desperate singles find each other.”

“Yeah, she'd be great at that. How is she, anyway?”

“I've been pretty busy lately, so I've only seen her at the coffee shop,” I replied. “You know you guys were the first friends I made here, right?”

“Really?” Seth asked, his brow furrowing. “You seem like the kind of person who'd have a ton of friends.”

“Me?” I asked with a laugh. “Hardly.”

“I don't believe it.” He gave me a playful wink. “You're beautiful, talented...”

“Oh, shut up,” I exclaimed.

He held up his hands in mock defense. “True story.”

“Let's not let that silly date ruin our friendship, hey?” I asked, bumping my shoulder against his.

“What date?” We stopped out the front of Beat and he smiled down at me. “See you at work Monday?”

I nodded, a smile spreading across my face. “I'll be there.”

25

REN

I watched Seth walk away and disappear into the darkness.

I felt a little guilty. Okay, I felt a lot guilty. I’d used him to try and erase the pain that Ash had inflicted and he didn’t deserve that. Seth was a good guy, I just didn’t feel that way about him. I wished I did because it would make things a hell of a lot easier, but that’s the thing about life. It was never easy, not for the bottom dwellers.

With a sigh, I unlocked the door to the studio and punched the alarm code into the keypad just inside. Why did there have to be such a push from society to have a boyfriend? It wasn’t like I was desperate to start a franchise, popping out kids and all. I wasn’t sure I even wanted that after the fantastic experiences I had with family dynamics growing up. Locking the door, I turned and had a miniature heart attack when I almost smacked into Ash.

“Shit. Fuck. Ass,” I spat at him, clutching my chest.

“How was your date with the pansy man?” he asked sullenly. He was fully clothed, bare feet, the hood on his hoodie half hanging off his head, hair all mussed up, hands jammed in the pockets. He looked like an angsty teenager in the middle of a temper tantrum.

“What, are you fucking jealous?” I scoffed, shoving past him. “Give me a fucking break.”

“Yes.”

I stopped mid-step, my heart twisting even further. More fucking games. Anger rose sharp in my stomach, burning through all my nerve endings. Fuck him. Fuck. Him.

Spinning on my heel, I slapped him hard, my palm connecting with his cheek with a sharp crack that echoed through the empty studio. His head didn’t move an inch, but he stared at me in surprise, green eyes darkening.

“It's so easy for you,” I said, clenching my jaw.

Ash stepped closer, his green eyes blazing. “I'm good at fighting, but it’s never been easy, Ren. I've got issues. You saw me the other day. The wrong kind of people know exactly what buttons to press and how hard.” He shook his head, running a hand over his face. “There's always some fuck wanting to bring me down. Everyone wants to be on top, but it's just as hard as being on the bottom.”

His scent washed over me and I began to shake. Why did he have to smell so good? All spice and male sweat. Pheromone drenched.

“I'm not good for you, Ren.”

“Don't-”

“You saw me lose it. You should never have had to-”

I pressed my fingers over his lips. He stared at me in surprise, his green eyes searching mine.

“We've all got problems,” I said. “You don't think I've got more than my fair share?”

Fingers curled around my wrist. “It's not about me, Ren.”

“No, it's not. It's about us together and fuck everyone else.”

“What about the guy?”

“Didn't work out.”

“Already?”

“There's someone else.”

His hand fell away, hanging limply by his side. His forehead creased into a frown like he was wagering some internal battle and all I could think about was how much I wanted to kiss him. I hated him for pushing me away again and again, but I missed his arms around me as we slept. I missed his selfish stolen kisses. I missed him.

“Don't you see?” I whispered. I cupped his face in my hands, imploring him to understand. I didn't care about his problems or mine. Together we were better. I needed him and fucking scary as it was, my body needed him like flowers needed the sun to survive. I was desperate for his touch, for the release only he could give me.

We'd unconsciously moved closer, our bodies pressing together, our lips a breath apart. I felt his entire length and the sudden awareness shivered through me.

Ash moaned softly and thrust his hands into my hair, smashing his lips against mine. His tongue dove wet and hot into my mouth and I sighed into him, taking everything he gave. We'd kissed so many times that I thought I knew every part of him. The feel of his tongue as it danced with mine, his teeth as he bit my bottom lip, his addictive taste, but this was different. All this time he'd been chasing some kind of solace, but now? Now, his kiss was full of pleasure...and a possessiveness that threw all coherency out the window.

“If I give you this,” he murmured against my mouth. “If I give you it...if I taste you. I can't-” He stumbled over his words and my eyes opened. Ash lost for words, vulnerable, was a little frightening.

“Can't what?”

“Let you go.”

We stared into each others eyes for what felt like an eternity. I understood the meaning behind his words, how hard it was for him to admit it. He had problems, but so did I. I was still willing to go all in, no matter the consequences. My entire body hummed with him, not for. We were in tune.

“I'm not letting you go either,” I whispered.

Then we were a mess of hands, tongues, lips, falling to the mat, entwining with each other. He was so heavy, but I didn’t care. I wanted to feel him press over me, into me, I wanted to feel his body completely. Hands brushed over my breasts, my nipples aching to be free and sucked. Who was Ren? She was gone, she’d vacated the building and all that was left was what was about to happen. I was about to get what I’d lusted after for weeks and weeks.

Don’t stop. Never stop.

Moisture dripped between my legs, soaking into my knickers as Ash’s hand slipped into the front of my shorts against my skin. I bucked into him as he circled my clit once, before plunging further, feeling what he did to me. His eyes widened as he hissed, spreading my arousal with a thick finger.

“Ren,” he murmured. “Fuck it to hell. Fuck it all-”

His mouth crashed into mine and his tongue demanded access, greedily thrusting against mine. I opened up to him, angling to the side so he could lick deeper and take everything from me in one swoop.

He slipped a finger inside my pussy, exploring my depths and I moaned into him. What was mine, was his.

Take it, take me.

He pulled his hand away and I whimpered, but he yanked my top up and off in one fluid motion. The clasp on my bra snapped open and air kissed my bare skin. Then his mouth was on my breasts, sucking and licking at my nipples. I fisted my hands into his hair, holding him in place, digging my nails into his scalp. His mouth moved lower, licking my cleavage and descending down, down into the danger zone.

He was gone for a split second, ripping off his hoodie and T-shirt, before his hands tugged my shorts and knickers off in one go. My boots came off at some stage, but I was too far gone to notice little things like clothing.

“Fuck, Ren. Fuck.” Ash’s gaze was raking up and down my naked body, zeroing in on that place between my legs, the one I wanted him to touch so badly.

“Touch me. Ash,” I breathed. “Don’t stop.”

His gaze met mine for a split second, and it was full of fire, lust, pain, need and everything all at once. Big hands slid along my inner thighs, pressing my legs apart and he lowered closer and closer to the sweet spot, making me tingle in anticipation.

Abruptly, Ash’s tongue rasped the length of my pussy before his mouth clamped over my clit and sucked. Arching my back, I thrusted my hips up, wanting more pressure. A hand circled around my thighs, forcing me back down onto the mat and held me in place with a strength that was overpowering.

A finger stroked my length before dipping inside, circling as his tongue worked my clit and I moaned loudly. He started murmuring something into my pussy, but I couldn’t understand. All it did was vibrate through my sensitive skin and push me closer to the edge. Then he was thrusting another thick finger in with the first, rubbing me from the inside out.

“Ash,” I cried out at the sudden spike of pleasure. “Harder.”

“You want more?” he asked, tearing his mouth away from my clit.

“Yes. I need…I need…”

“You need what?”

He pulled his fingers out of my opening and the emptiness filled me with nothing but panic. “Don’t leave me,” I cried out, trying to sit up, but he pressed his palms on my shoulders.

“I’m not going anywhere, Spitfire,” he growled.

Spitfire?

Flipping me on my stomach, Ash urged my hips up and I followed, sticking my ass up in the air. Like I’d fantasized that first night we’d almost kissed, the one where he’d pushed me away. The one where all this had first started. We were never going to be ordinary. Missionary was for all those other boring people. No, Ash and I? We were anything but and he wasn’t going anywhere.

Glancing over my shoulder as he shoved off his shorts, I almost spontaneously combusted there and then. God, his cock. I never understood how women could wax poetic about a dick, but...fuck. Ash's cock stood firm and proud and beautiful, beads of pre-come glistening his tip and I resisted the urge to twist back and lick it off like whipped cream.

“Are you on anything?” he groaned, fisting the base of his cock and rubbing in between my ass cheeks.

I nodded once before he positioned himself and thrust hard. I was so wet he glided in seamlessly, sliding home like he was meant to be there. Like my pussy was made for his cock. He fit so snugly, I moaned some garbled expletive as I took all of him so fucking deep.

“Fuck.” His fingers trembled against my skin as he held firm inside me. “Tight fucking cunt. Fucking beautiful.”

He pulled out slowly before thrusting hard again, our skin slapping together, my breasts jolting. Crying out, I almost lost my balance, elbows buckling.

“Stay with me, Ren,” Ash grunted. “Once I start fucking your sweet little cunt, I'm not stopping.”

I should've been mortified that he had me on my knees, ass in the air, his hulking body mounting me like an animal, saying all kinds of explicit things, saying the forbidden c-word, but it awoke something in me I didn't think existed in the real world. Lust, desire...eroticism. Once, these were just words in a dictionary, stories in a book, but now I knew they were real and I wanted them. I wanted them from Ash.

Folding his body over mine, he sucked on my shoulder blade so hard the skin began to bloom as it bruised, but all I could feel was his cock as he began fucking me in long strokes. A big hand closed over a breast as the other anchored his bulk on the mat. I was completely at his mercy as he fondled me, first one breast, then the other, before moving across my stomach to my clit. He possessed me with such unashamed desire, it made me come apart at the seams.

“Look at that,” he growled into my ear, his back pressing into mine.

Turning my head, I saw our reflection in the mirror and gasped. His huge, hulking body was over mine, his ass flexing as he stroked his cock in my pussy, while my tits swayed back and forth. The sight of Ash taking me from behind was shattering. I didn't want it to end. Nobody had ever given me what I wanted during sex. I craved to be slapped, fucked and bitten. I wanted to be fucked from behind, against a wall, on my knees, on my back, bent over and taken. Did he know this was what I needed? If not, I better fucking tell him.

“Harder,” I panted, sweat dripping from my forehead. “I want to watch you fuck me harder. I want to feel your cock pound into me. Fuck me. Fuck. Me.”

With a growl, Ash straightened up, slapping me on the ass, my skin blooming with a million sharp needles before he palmed the tender spot, soothing.

“Ren,” he moaned, not slowing his onslaught on my pussy. “I can give you hard. I can give you whatever you want.”

His hands gripped my hips as I thrust back into him. He guided my pussy over his cock, our skin slapping as we joined together over and over. My gaze never left the mirror, watching him fuck me, possess me, make me feel something other than abandoned. He filled me with more than his cock, he gave me more than the orgasm that was building inside me...the orgasm that was building too fast. I was close, so fucking close to getting what I wanted from him so desperately. Sweet, fucking, release.

“Fuck, Ren,” Ash grunted, his fingers finding my clit and rubbing. The motion tipped me over the edge and my pussy convulsed around his cock as my orgasm hit, making my elbows buckle.

I panted his name as he slammed harder and harder into me, the only thing keeping me upright his hands on my hips. My muscles tightened, urging him to fall with me. Fall with me.

Finally, Ash moaned loudly as his release spurted, fingers digging into my hips. I felt his cum erupt hot and hard and I convulsed, spots blurring my vision. Sweet fucking hell. This orgasm was breaking me. I was his. I was so fucking his I almost hated him.

Ash buried his cock deep one last time and held my spent body against his as he spilled the last of his orgasm into me with a grunt that seemed to echo around the studio.

Staring up at him in the mirror, I was mesmerized by the look on his face. Enraptured. That's what his expression looked like. He'd fucked me like an animal and he was enraptured.

When he pulled out, he tugged me down to the mat, holding me tightly against his hard, naked body. Our chests heaved in tandem and neither of us could speak. Really, who the fuck could be coherent after that?

Squirming, the spot between my legs already felt tender. Slick and tender. I'd feel him for days. I didn't want to stop feeling him. I wanted to go again and by the feel of his semi-erect cock against my ass, so did he.

Lips brushed my shoulder as our sweat began to tack on our bodies, our breathing evening out. I didn't want this to end. After weeks of teasing, fighting, pushing each other away...I didn't want him to let me go.

“Don't let me go,” I whispered.

Ash's hand glided down my waist, over my hip and hooked around my knee. With one graceful movement, he tugged my leg up and over his, opening me wide enough to rub his cock through my slick folds.

“I want you again, Spitfire,” he murmured, nibbling at my neck. “So fucking sweet. So fucking responsive. You like coming on my cock?”

Moaning, I rubbed my ass against him, urging his cock toward my opening. Fuck, this man. What had he awoken in me?

I knew the answer to that one as I felt the head of his hot length dip just inside. A sexual deviant. A glutton for pleasure and pain and everything before, after and in between. He told me he wouldn't be able to let me go once he'd tasted my body. That sentiment went both ways.

“You like that?” he asked. “You like the way I fucked you?”

Reaching a hand behind me, I grabbed his ass cheek, digging my nails into flesh. Rolling my hips back, I urged his cock deeper. He thrust hard, hitting home with a grunt that shuddered through his entire body.

“I belong here,” he moaned, sinking his teeth into my shoulder and circling his hips.

“Mine,” I gasped, clenching as hard as I could, trying to make a point.

Fingers found my clit and pinched. “Mine.”

He fucked me from behind in long, steady strokes, our eyes connecting again through the mirror. Hands palmed my breasts, pinching nipples as we watched the place where we joined so completely. It was anything but vanilla. I doubted it would ever be boring where Ash was concerned.

Teeth sunk into my shoulder again, the pain adding to the sensation as he picked up the pace. Two orgasms? Two? As I started to wonder if I could take it after the first, I felt myself teetering on the edge and the fall was going to shatter me again.

“Ash,” I panted, my gaze fixed on his. “I’m close.”

“So am I, Spitfire.” His fingers found my clit again and my entire body shuddered against his. “That’s it,” he whispered in my ear. “Let go, Ren. Let me give you want you want. Take it.”

His words sent me reeling over the edge of another orgasm, and I let it take me, not giving a shit what I looked like or what I was saying. I let the sensation wash over every nerve ending and rode what felt like a tsunami.

Ash starting fucking me hard as I came, his cock slamming home again and again until his own release joined mine. He buried his face into the crook of my neck, his grunts muffled in my hair, arms holding my body tight against his.

Complete. I felt fucking complete. It was the weirdest sensation I’d ever felt, but it was mine and I was going to keep it. I was going to keep Ash and fucked if he had a choice about it. Two could play at this alpha game.

As we started to come back to earth and leave the stars behind, he pulled out and turned me over in his arms, lips finding mine.

Sex was a poor word to describe what we just did. There were no words, but I had a feeling we didn’t need them.

I kissed him long and slow and let my body convey my gratitude.

26

ASH

It felt like hours that we lay there on the mat, in the place we spent so much time together, tangled, sweaty, sticky…naked.

I’d never fucked like that. Period.

We didn’t speak, but we didn’t have to. I’d said everything I wanted to with my cock and she’d replied with her sweet pussy. We made our feelings known through sex and that was enough.

“Where do you go?” Ren asked, her lips brushing against my chest.

I knew exactly what she was getting at, but I wasn’t going to tell her. “Nowhere.”

“Liar.”

I stiffened in her grasp. She can't see it.

It's the place where the beast lives. It's where he goes to satisfy his cravings for blood.

She can't see it.

Sitting up sharply, I scooped her up in my arms and carried her across the mats into the showers, her fingers biting into my skin. Turning on the water as far as it would go, I dunked her underneath. Crying out, she slapped me and I set her down.

“What’s your problem?” She shoved me, her tits swaying.

Fuck. Her tits.

“No problem,” I muttered, winding an arm around her waist and tugging her body against mine.

Ren brushed her lips across each tattooed star on my chest, licking droplets of water from my skin. Fuck. I touched her. Regret spiked deep inside, but I wanted her. I'd never met a stronger woman - physically and emotionally.

“Why won't you tell me?” she asked. “I let you fuck me from-”

“Don't use sex as a bargaining chip,” I hissed, pushing her back against the tiles. “I warned you that if I had you I won't be able to stop. I will take.” I cupped one of her perfect, perky breasts in my hand. “I will take whenever I want.” I pinched her nipple hard, making her arch into me with a gasp, and my cock stiffened against her stomach. “Mine.”

I pressed my mouth over hers, taking what I needed, and her fingers dug into my biceps like she was holding on for life. Fucking ride it, Spitfire.

Rubbing my cock against her stomach, all I could think about was ramming into her over and over. Coming, claiming, letting the beast free. Fuck, Ren was dangerous and she didn't even know it.

“What are you worried about?” she murmured as I sucked a path down her neck.

“Nothing,” I lied, nipping at her collar bone.

“Who's using sex as a bargaining chip now?” she huffed and I pulled back sharply.

“Fuck.”

Her brown eyes searched mine, disbelief etched into her features. “I'm right, aren't I?”

“Don't ruin it, Ren.”

“Ruin what? Your carefully placed facade?” She dug her fingers into my arm, stinging pain splitting my skin. “When I said I wanted you, I didn't just mean your cock, Ash.”

I let her go, stepping back, the spray of water from the shower head separating our naked bodies. She was staring at me, pleading with her eyes and my gaze dropped to her perfect tits.

“What's the big secret? Where do you go?”

I'd eat her alive, but that place would take more of her than I was willing to share. She longed to fight, just like I did, and once she got a taste, she wouldn't stop. I would never see her hurt because she'd suffered enough. That place would make her pay in blood.

“God,” she hissed. “I'm not a doll wrapped in cotton wool.”

“The Underground,” I bit out before I could clamp down. The cuts and bruises, the time I always turned up at Beat, the need that I trained with...she was smart enough to get it.

“An underground fighting racket?” Her pretty eyes widened.

“Fuck Ren.” I fisted a hand through my wet hair.

“What... Does anyone know?”

I shook my head.

She stared at me for a moment, her gaze not leaving mine. It said everything I wanted and feared all at the same time. Awe, surprise, understanding...interest. Shit, I wanted to fuck her again.

“You can't go.” With one step I was in front of her.

“Why not?”

I jerked her up into my arms, clamping my hands on her ass. Her legs wrapped around my waist, slick heat pressing against my cock.

“Who's using sex as a weapon now?” she asked, her voice thick with want.

I drew my hips back, stiffness finding her opening. Her lips parted in a sigh as my crown pushed just inside.

“Say the word, Ren,” I murmured. “Say the word and I'll walk away.” One or the other. What a fucking prick.

Muscles clenched around the head of my dick and I groaned, every part of my body coiled and ready to pound into her.

“Mine,” she whispered, lowering her mouth to mine.

Thrusting into her, I groaned, “Mine.”

We might say this shit to each other now, but how long would it be true? If she saw the beast that lived inside me, then those days were numbered.

She couldn't go...not if I wanted to keep her.

Never.

She couldn't see the beast.

27

REN

I stood in the middle of the coffee shop, a stupid grin on my face.

I felt sore. A good kind of sore. My head was clogged with Ash and nothing else, so when Josie came in and stuck her face right into mine, I jumped a mile.

“Josie,” I exclaimed.

“Well, you were standing there with a mental look on your face,” she declared. “It was open season.”

“You scared the crap outta me.”

“What’s his name?” She gave me a suggestive wink as the coffee machine flared into life behind me.

“Will you be quiet?” I exclaimed.

She let out a startled gasp. “Is it Seth?”

“Josie.”

“Okay, not Seth.” She paused, pretending to think. “Ash? Please tell me it was the Greek God.”

I bit my bottom lip.

“It was!” She was more excited about it than I was and I was pretty up in the clouds the day after what could only be described as our rabid animal fucking.

“You fucked him?” Josie exclaimed, making me wince.

“Josie,” I hissed, nodding toward Seth. I didn’t want him to hear about me having sex right after breaking it off with him. That would go down an absolute treat.

“Oops,” she whispered. “So, how was it?”

I winked, a stupid grin spreading across my face.

“Renee Miller,” she hissed. “You little minx! I must know all the details so I can live vicariously through you. That man is something else. How big was he?”

I rolled my eyes, absolutely mortified. “Oh my fucking god.”

Josie start to laugh. “That big, huh?”

Glancing at Seth, who was oblivious to our conversation I said, “We’ve got a lot to catch up on Josie.”

She glanced from me to Seth and then back again, her face contorted in thought. “Did you and Se-”

“Shhhh!”

“Ren, I never knew you had it in you,” she said with a wink. “Total proud parent moment.”

“Neither did I, but at least I was honest about it.”

“So honest that you didn’t tell Seth about Ash?”

“How did you-”

“Oh shit,” she said with a laugh. “I was just taking a stab in the dark. I was actually right? I think I’ve got ESP.”

“Sometimes I really hate you.” I grinned at her.

“Order up, Josie,” Seth called out.

She sauntered over to the counter, picked up the takeout cup and slid a tenner into my cleavage. “Catch up on the weekend?”

“Sure.” I pulled out the money with a stupid grin on my face.

“I’ll text you.”

I ducked behind the counter to ring up her order. “Okay, see ya.”

“Later, hot stuff.” Josie shoved the door open with a wave.

The rest of the morning went off without a hitch and for the first time since I walked into the place, I found myself eager to get back to Beat.

Waving to Seth on the way out, I almost ran. I wanted to see Ash and make sure that this whole thing wasn’t a dream. Rounding the corner, I almost slammed into the man himself. He was leaning against the wall, a stupid grin on his face.

“You look proud of yourself,” I drawled, my heart skipping a beat at the sight of him. He’d been waiting for me rather than going to Beat and I wondered what was up with that.

“I am,” he replied, pushing off the brickwork and standing in front of me. “I had epic sex last night.”

I flushed red.

“How do you want to play this?”

“Play what?”

“Us.” He pointed between our bodies.

“It’s really going to piss off a lot of people,” I said, my lips curling into a grin. Monica especially. At the thought of sticking one to her, I felt extremely pleased with myself.

“I know.” He reached out for my hand, fingers tangling with mine.

My skin began to tingle where he touched and the image of us in the mirror last night flashed through my mind. I felt my face begin to heat and Ash chuckled.

“You’re thinking dirty thoughts,” he said. “I like it.”

“I can’t help it.”

Ash closed the gap between us and leaned down to steal a kiss. It was a quick peck on the lips and all I wanted was to taste him again. Pulling back, he hissed through his teeth. “You’re trouble, Ren.”

“I’m trouble?” I slapped him on the chest. “Why aren’t you at Beat? Shouldn’t you be training by now?”

He hesitated, running his free hand over his face. “Some guy is there fixing all the crap I broke.”

“Ah, I see. Wanna go back and do a round in the gym, then?” I didn’t say anything else about his meltdown, I let that one slide for the moment.

Ash glanced down the street toward Beat. He looked conflicted for a moment before shaking his head. “I think I should sit today out.”

“Ash Fuller, the machine, taking a day off?” I exclaimed.

“Lets do something,” he declared, ignoring my smart ass comment.

“Like what?”

He shrugged. I wondered if this was man code for wanting to keep me to himself for a little while longer. Sounded great to me.

“Well, it’s a nice day out. We can go to a park someplace and have lunch?”

“A picnic?” Ash scoffed.

“What, does that ruin your manly fighter cred or something?”

He grinned at me, eyes sparkling. “Yes.”

Somehow, we found ourselves in a park near the city center, with a plastic bag full of sandwiches, juice, strawberries and one of those cans of whipped cream. Ash grumbled the entire way like a five year old, but I reminded him that taking a day off was his idea.

We’d downed the sandwiches, or I should say that Ash inhaled most of them, in easy silence. It was just bordering on awkward when Ash picked up the cream, aimed it at me and squirted. My mouth opened in a gasp as a long trail of cream splattered into my cleavage.

“Ash!” I shrieked at him.

“Here,” he crawled over to me. “Let me lick it off.”

He shoved his face into my breasts and licked, smearing cream all over his face and we fell backwards onto the grass. Laughing, I fisted my hands into his hair and shoved him deeper into my cleavage.

“I really fuckin’ like your tits Ren, but I also like to breathe,” Ash grumbled, rolling off me. He held me against his chest, wiping the cream with a finger and letting me lick it off. Groaning as my tongue wrapped around each of his fingers and sucked, he flexed his cock into my thigh.

“Cream makes you horny?” I asked with a smirk.

“Your mouth sucking it off me does,” he said through a heavy breath.

I sat up as he went to shove a hand up my top. “We’re in the middle of a park.”

He followed me, sliding a big hand over my thigh and zeroing in on the sweet spot. “I’m a beat away from not giving a shit.”

My pussy began to squirm at the thought of Ash taking me and I suddenly wished we hadn’t gone on a picnic, and had found someplace quiet and private, instead.

“What is it about you that-” I clamped my mouth closed. I thought dirty things about him all the time, but saying them? Shit.

“What?” He tried to find a way into my knickers, pushing a hand up the leg of my shorty shorts.

“That-” I felt my face start to burn.

“After last night, you’re embarrassed to tell me all the dirty fuckin’ things in your head?”

I gasped as his fingers almost came in contact with my clit and I slapped his hand away.

“Tell me,” he whispered into my ear.

Gazing into his eyes I said, “I wanna fuck you all the time.”

He palmed my ass, eyes darkening. “You have no idea how hard I am, Ren.”

I wiggled against him. “Oh, I think I can take a guess.”

“Fuck this park,” he whispered into my ear.

He stared at me while I stared up at the sky, watching clouds skim across the blue. I had so many questions I wanted to ask but I would end up sounding like a broken record. I didn’t know which ones I was allowed to ask and which ones would push him over the edge. Why he’d snapped the other day, why he’d been such an asshole to me all this time, why I couldn’t see him fight at The Underground. I got that he was all alpha male and felt the insatiable need to protect what was his, but I didn’t need it. I didn’t want to be wrapped in cotton wool.

“What are you thinking about?” Ash asked.

Turning my head, I studied his features from his emerald eyes, his brow that was still marked from that cut he obviously got at The Underground...

“Why do you go there?” I asked, wiping cream off his face with a thumb.

His eyes narrowed, giving away that I’d asked the wrong thing and my heart did a nose dive. I pulled back, breaking contact, fear rising hot and hard. If I did the wrong thing he’d leave, but I couldn’t go on with all these secrets between us. His secrets.

“Ren,” he said thinly. “I can’t.”

“Why?”

“You can't see it,” he exclaimed, fisting his hands into his hair.

“Why not?” I cried, scrambling to my feet. “What are you so afraid of?”

He stood and straightened to his full height, leveling his gaze to mine. “I'm not afraid. Never dare think for one second that fear lives in me, Ren.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it,” I bit back with ultimate sarcasm.

“You’re not going.”

“Why?”

We stood staring at each other like stubborn children.

Finally, Ash started to cave. “They’ll use you to get to me.”

“Let them try.”

“Ren, you don’t understand. They’re not nice people…” He ran a hand over his face. “They’ll try to hurt you.”

Is that why he fought us for so long? He didn’t want me to get hurt? It was like I kept telling my Dad, I was a grown ass fucking woman who could make my own decisions. I was as tough as they came and I wouldn’t let anyone touch me. If they did, then they’d better be willing to pay the consequences.

The thought must have translated to my face because Ash stepped forward and wrapped an arm around my shoulders. I fell against his chest with a sigh and held him close.

“I don’t want them to touch you,” he murmured into my hair.

“I’m not a dainty little flower, Ash.”

He started to laugh, his chest rumbling. “No, you’re not.”

“Who was on the phone the other day?” I asked. I didn’t have to elaborate because who could forget that.

“Ren.” His grip tightened around me like he was afraid I was the one who’d run from him. He had it so fucking wrong. “There’s things I’ve done that I don’t know if I can ever tell you about…”

“You don’t have to tell me straight away,” I whispered as a pair of joggers passed us.

“I lost everything,” he said suddenly, fingers biting into to my arms. “I'm trying to get it all back, but-”

“But what?”

“What if I lose it again?”

My heart did a little flip-flop and I glanced up at him. “You won't.”

“How do you know?”

“I don't. I just-” I hesitated and Ash cupped my face, his gaze searching mine like I had all the answers. “I believe in you.”

He captured me in a kiss, his tongue grazing my bottom lip. Opening up to him, I pushed him to go deeper, to take what he needed from me. His comfort was my pleasure and I needed it more than he knew.

He pulled away first, brushing his lips against mine. “I know I can trust you, Ren. But I can’t trust them.”

I doubted I would ever know what was going through Ash’s mind, but this was a start. At first there’d be a trickle. A thought here and there, and before long, we’d know everything. I wanted to give him everything.

“If you say you trust me, then you should be able to trust that I’m strong enough to handle it.”

Ash stared at me and began grinding his jaw. It was a glaring indicator that he was about to give me a severe case of emotional whiplash. Abruptly, he picked up our rubbish and grabbed my hand, dragging me across the grass like a caveman.

“Where are we going?” I almost stumbled trying to keep up with his long stride.

“The Underground,” he spat over his shoulder. “When you see it, you’ll understand why I never want you to go back there. If you see it, then maybe you’ll shut the fuck up about it.”

My heart started to beat wildly at the thought of seeing this infamous illegal fighting racket. Shit, I’d pressured him to tell me about it but I’d never thought he’d cave and actually take me. Images of blood, sweat and violence pounded into my brain and I felt my blood begin to thicken.

Ash was right to keep me from it because I was already itching. I hadn’t even set foot in the place and I wanted to be a part of it. I desperately wanted to see Ash fighting without limits and watch the beast inside him dominate in the ring…but what I wasn’t prepared for was wanting to let mine free, too.

28

REN

The Underground turned out to be a makeshift arena set up in an abandoned warehouse in the backstreets of Abbotsford. Right outside Melbourne’s CBD and right in the middle of an underdeveloped black spot which was nothing short of a property developers wet dream.

A lot of things didn’t surprise me these days, but it probably should’ve been one of them. Ash having a car and driving had me more flabbergasted than anything else. He parked half up a gutter and hauled me out the front like a sack of potatoes. He had skills, but they didn’t extend to parallel parking.

Taking my hand, he led me down the street where a few groups of people were all walking toward a derelict warehouse covered in graffiti. A few people stopped to gawk at Ash as we passed and I stared right back. Was he that well known here? They were acting like he was some kind of celebrity.

When we got inside, I had to do a double take. The whole place was a hive of activity, music blared from a sound system rigged to the wall, bleachers had been set up around a cage where all the action happened, and a bar was at the far end. As Ash led me through the thickening crowd, people tried to call out or grab his arm to get his attention, but as he strode through the center of it all, everyone parted without hesitation to let him by.

I was too stunned to give him shit about it. My eyes were like saucers as they took everything in. This was where he was going every night?

Cash was being flung about the place like it was nothing, some serious bets being put down on the matches for that night. There were several men, who were probably affiliated with another kind of underground, standing by large chalkboards with odds drawn up.

“You’re two to one?” I exclaimed, seeing Ash’s name at the top.

“Yep.” He seemed pretty pleased with himself.

“Are you winning?”

He shrugged. “I’m top at the moment.”

Shit, fuck, ass. In this place Ash was a god. No wonder all those people had been foaming at the mouth for a tiny slice of attention. Picnics and whipped cream seemed like stupid kid stuff compared to this place and I felt like an idiot for making him go out with me earlier.

“I never told anyone about this place. About what I do,” Ash murmured into my ear.

I winked up at him. “So, this means you like me?”

With a moan, he grabbed my hand and pulled me through the crowd, ignoring all the people calling out to him as we passed. Then he was dragging me down a hallway and into a long change room. It was still early in the night and there weren’t any fighters back here yet, so we were totally alone, the dull roar of the throng outside the only sound.

Ash backed me against the wall, pinning me in place with his hips and my heart started beating faster.

“I fight to get the anger out of my system,” he said. “The rules here are that there are no rules. For a guy like me, it’s a fuckin’ field day, Ren. It’s what I need to sate this.” He thumped his fist over his heart. “You saw me snap. That wasn’t fuckin’ pretty, but it was mild. I didn’t want you to see me like that. I don’t want you to see this. Please let me take you back to Beat.”

I shook my head. I wasn’t going anywhere. “If I can’t see you at your worst, then who am I really falling for?” His breath caught and he let his head drop, breaking eye contact. “If I’m falling for you, Ash, then I want to fall for all of you, not some poor imitation.”

He hissed and let me go, turning away and running a hand over his face.

“What’s so bad that you keep wanting to push me away, Ash?”

He glanced at me, but couldn’t meet my gaze. “So many things.”

“I haven’t run yet,” I said. “And you’ve done some pretty assholey things, you know.”

He laughed wryly. “That’s putting it lightly.”

“Then tell me something,” I pleaded.

Ash was confused for a moment and he parted his lips and sighed. “I’m winning, Ren,” he murmured. “I’m winning all this money and I didn’t know what to do with it anymore. I gave it to Beat…I-”

“You’ve been giving my Dad money?” Was he worried that I’d push him away if I found out he was financing Beat? After everything my Dad did to Mum and I, and everything since, he thought it would be a deal breaker between us?

“I’m not angry with you,” I said. “Why would I be?”

“He fucked you over your entire life, Ren. He left you and your Mum, he didn’t tell his family, he put you in a closet, he-”

I placed my fingers over his lips. “Shut the fuck up, Ash.”

“But-” Since he didn’t get the hint, I stifled his words with my entire palm.

“No, it’s not a good situation, but I’ve made the most of it. I’ll probably never get along with Monica, I might not ever reconcile completely with Dad and I might not ever be a part of their family, but I’m beyond caring. If it wasn’t for my Mum wanting me to find him, I would never have found Beat, I would never have found fighting and I would never have found you. So, what’s a bad situation? I don’t feel like I’m in one anymore.”

Ash tore my hand away from his mouth and crashed his lips into mine. He pushed his tongue against mine greedily, fisting his hand into my hair and tugging. I sagged against him, moaning softly into his mouth. He sure knew how to make a woman weak at the knees.

A wolf whistle split the air around us and Ash pulled back with an annoyed hiss. A group of beefcake men had walked into the change room, interrupting our little interlude. They must be some of the guys on the board for that night’s bouts and I looked them over. They were all built and mean looking, but none of them looked as toned and focused as Ash.

“Do you want to see some of the fights?” Ash murmured into my ear. “I’m not scheduled for a little while.”

I nodded. Watching the fights spoke to all the wild parts inside me.

His big hand closed around mine and he led me from the change room, away from all the eyes that were trained on us, and out into the arena. People had started to sit in the bleachers, the din becoming borderline obnoxious. There was a section near the front that seemed to be left open for special popular types, and a guy who looked like security nodded as Ash pulled me into the front row. Sitting on the bench and kicking my feet onto the railing, I cast my gaze around the cage. There were quite a few spots on the mat that looked suspiciously like blood stains…all brown and splattered.

A group of scantily clad women passed below us, puffing up their chests and flipping their hair as they caught sight of Ash, but he was too busy looking right over the top of them. Still pissed me off, though.

“They really like you here,” I drawled, eyeing a woman with fake looking tits that had lagged behind her friends and was licking her lips, eyes plastered on my man.

“They let me fight every night,” Ash said, oblivious to the extra attention he was getting. “People keep wanting to see if they can take me out.”

I glared at the woman with the big tits and Ash glanced up to see what I was staring at. The woman puffed her chest out and smiled, grasping at her chance to steal him from me. I went to step forward and give her a piece of my fist, but a thick arm wound around my waist before I could even stand.

“You're sexy when you're jealous,” Ash whispered in my ear.

“I don't like the way she’s looking at you.”

“I don't like fake tits and fake personalities, Ren.”

I snorted.

“Need I remind you that I'm here with you? Or should I just take you out back and fuck you stupid instead?”

“Sure,” I said, my lady bits beginning to constrict in excitement. “I feel the need to mark my territory.”

He pulled me into his side, the crowd pressing around us as the bleachers began to fill to capacity. “Every night, I come back to train with you. Before I had the guts to show up that first time, I never stuck around. I was always alone.”

“Why?” I whispered.

“Because I wanted to own you, Ren. I wanted your fuckin’ pussy, not theirs.”

I didn't know if I liked the sound of him owning me, but I wanted to own him, so I guess we were even.

“What about that douche from the cafe?” he growled. “Did you fuck him?”

“Ash.”

“That thing you’re feeling in here,” he said sliding a hand over my breast and resting his palm over my heart. “I’m feeling the same thing, Spitfire.”

I sucked in a sharp breath as an announcement boomed over the speakers.

“That’s Hamish,” Ash said, nodding at a huge redheaded man who was walking toward the cage. “He goes by Goblin and the other guy is Fox.”

“What do you go by?” I asked, knowing that he didn’t have a silly fighter name.

Ash snorted. “It doesn’t suit me.”

Smiling, I turned my attention back to the cage where the two men wearing nothing but shorts and colored bandages on their hands prowled into the center. They were all ripped abs and everything, but I didn’t stare at them because I found it attractive…I stared with a more specific appreciation. Getting into that kind of shape took a will and dedication that not many people had the balls to follow through with. I wanted to see how they approached each other, how they countered, how they attacked. With minimal rules, all the things I knew about MMA would be useless.

“They fight until someone taps out or is KO’d,” Ash explained. “Those are the only rules.”

“The only rules?” I exclaimed.

He nodded and my stomach twisted, knowing that he did this pretty much every night.

The referee lifted his hand and yelled something, and I turned back to the cage. Then the referee was backing away quickly as the two men faced off.

What followed could only be described as brutal. They grappled one another, fists pounded into flesh, bodies were hurled against the cage and the crowd was screaming for blood the entire time.

I stood to get a better view as the guy Ash had called Goblin was knocked onto his back, Fox zeroing in for the win. Ash curled his arm around my legs, trying to make me sit down again. I knew he was using this as a deterrent, that he didn’t want me to see this, but all it had done was spike my curiosity.

Goblin was punched square in the face, blood erupting from his nose and I couldn’t look away. The next punch landed on his jaw and he turned his head away, spitting blood. Before another punch could connect, he bashed his fist against the mat repeatedly until Fox backed off. He’d tapped out, ending the bout.

Shit. I got that this would be brutal, but…shit.

I sat back down and Ash leaned over and said, “I’ve got time to take you back to Beat, if you want to go.”

I glared at him. “I’m not leaving.”

He shrugged. “I’ve gotta go get ready then.” He held out his hand and I took it without hesitation.

The moment we walked out back into the change rooms, a bevy of women began to circle like predators and I dropped Ash’s hand, feeling one hundred percent inadequate. He’d told me time and time again that he only wanted me, but I couldn’t help the jealousy at seeing another woman’s hand paw at his arm.

The room was full of other fighters in various stages of undress, male and female, along with groupies looking for a quickie with a beefy cashed up fighter. A referee was wandering around talking to various people, a clipboard in his hands and a reckless idea began forming in my mind. A very dangerous idea.

While Ash was distracted with all the silicone, I approached the referee with the biggest death wish I’d ever had in my entire life.

“Are there any openings tonight?” I asked, making the referee look up in surprise.

He looked me up and down and seemed pleased with what he saw. “Yeah, we’ve got an over.”

“I want in. What do I have to do?”

“Are you sure?” he asked. “Season’s almost to finals. You’ll never get enough points to win.”

“But if I win some fights, I’ll get some money, right?”

“Yeah-”

“Then count me in.”

He snorted, shaking his head. “Oh, so you’re one of those fighters, eh?”

“What does that mean?” I scowled.

“You like to fight for the sake of fighting.” I eyed him warily. “You like the thrill,” he added. “The adrenalin and the blood. Can’t say I picked you for one of them.” He nodded toward the group of fighters at the back of the change rooms. “Usually it's the guys who go for that stuff.”

“There’s a first for everything.”

He eyed me again and shrugged. “What’s your name?”

“Ren Miller.”

He tapped his chin and said, “Ren the Reign of Terror Miller. Sounds fuckin’ awesome.”

My eyebrows rose.

“Everyone gets a name in these parts. Not everyone wants their real one flung about.”

That sounded like a peachy keen idea. “Drop it, then.”

“Reign of Terror?”

I began to laugh, not really believing that I was going to go through with it. Ash was going to blow a gasket. “Sounds fucking stupid, but that’ll do it.”

“Done. I’ll come get you when you’re up. Make sure you’re out here.”

“Got it.”

I turned on my heel and froze when I caught Ash staring at me. I sauntered over to him, staring at his naked chest, reading the words of his tattoo again. Rage. Heart. Rebirth. The sentiment echoed deep in my heart.

“What are you doing talking to him?” he asked, eyes dark.

“What, I can’t talk to anyone?”

“No.”

“Eat shit,” I said. “I had some questions.”

“Fuller,” a loud voice called out. “You’re up in two.”

I glanced at the referee who I’d spoken to and he was waving Ash forward. My stomach started to squirm knowing I was about to see my Maverick loose in the cage.

Ash sighed heavily and wrapped an arm around my waist, dipping his head to the crook of my neck. He breathed deeply, the flat of his palm against my stomach. He’d wrapped his hands in white bandages and the only thing I could think of was the fact that in a few minutes they’d be stained red.

He practically hauled me back out into the arena and sat me on the bleachers before he entered the cage. I understood that he was ‘the man’ here, but the moment he crossed the threshold of chain link, he seemed to transform into something else.

The crowd screamed his name, but he didn’t even acknowledge them. For the first time, I began to really understand what he meant about letting himself go. About getting the thing he needed from this place. It was the only way he could sate the anger that lived in his heart.

When his opponent entered the cage, my heart began to hammer erratically in my chest. The guy was a monster, just as ripped as Ash, but he looked a hell of a lot meaner. How could Ash fell that guy? He had skills, but I wasn’t sure about this.

I couldn’t pick who would be hauled out of there in a stretcher and uncertainty prickled all over my skin.

I didn’t have time to throw up, because the referee was talking to the two men, his hand raised between them. Then the whistle blew and it was game on.

Ash’s opponent wasted no time in taking point and landed a fist right into Ash’s forehead, splitting his cut open again. If I was fighting against him, I would’ve gone for the weak spot, too. Blood began to seep from the wound, but it didn’t seem to faze him at all. Ash closed in and uppercutted his fist into the guy’s stomach and when the guy doubled over, Ash’s knee connected to the soft spot underneath the jaw. The impact made his opponents teeth clack together, making me wince.

I hadn’t seen Ash fight since the day Dean had tried to take him on at Beat. Compared to the way he fought now, that day had been nothing. He’d totally let go and any will he had to reign himself in was just gone. He pounded his fists into his opponent again and again, the crowd screaming for blood.

My heart was in my throat, but I didn’t have anything to worry about. That guy was no match for Ash. Not by a long shot.

Ash hooked his leg around the guy’s shin, toppling him over and at the last second, curled his fingers into his hair and shoved. Bone connected with the ground, making a sickening smack that was audible over the hurricane of noise around me. It was a totally illegal move in the real world, but this wasn’t the pros with its rules and regulations. This kind of thing flew here.

The guy tried to get up, leaving a splatter of blood behind, but fell back down. He was dazed and confused as Ash circled like a shark, blood thick in the water.

Fuck, tap out, I thought, my fingers tightening around the bench.

Ash loomed over the guy, fists clenched at his sides, chest heaving. He was wild and feral and my body began to stir in response.

A hand slammed into the mat, desperately trying to tap out and the crowd started pounding their feet into the bleachers. The referee ran in from the side and grasped Ash’s hand, holding it in the air. He allowed it for a moment, before wrenching away, striding for the exit. Coming for me no doubt and my pussy began to clench at the thought.

It should've scared me, the beast that he’d unleashed in that cage, but it had the opposite effect. Ash was the flame and I was the moth.

The referee from before tapped me on the shoulder, breaking the spell. “You’re up after this, Ms. Terror. Can’t wait to see what you’ve got and neither can they.” He nodded toward the crowd. “Fresh meat always gets the crowd foaming at the mouth.”

I swallowed hard and nodded. “I’ll be ready.”

“What the fuck was that?”

I spun on my heel and found a mostly naked, sweaty and bleeding Ash standing behind me, a gaggle of fake titted women fawning in the background. For a split second I felt fear course through my veins, but at the sight of all those women trying to get their claws on his dick, I saw red.

“What does it look like?” I glared at him, not caring that the cut over his eyebrow had split open and was bleeding into his eye.

“You’re fighting? Why?”

“I have my reasons,” I hissed, turning to go out back and find a place to stretch and get ready.

Ash grabbed my arm and jerked me back into his chest. “I won’t let you.”

I shoved him away. “Do not tell me what I can and cannot do, Ash.”

“This is why I didn’t want you to come,” he moaned. “I knew you’d…Ren, don’t.”

“Ash, you told me the one thing you’re good at is fighting. Well, guess the fuck what? It’s the only thing I’m good at, too. You can try and stop me tonight, but you won’t stop me forever.”

He reached for me again, but I backed out of the way and shoved through the crowd and into the change rooms. A few curious glances found me as I stripped down to my tank top and undies, glad that I’d worn boy shorts that day. It seemed to be the accepted dress code between the women fighters in this place, so I didn’t feel exposed in the slightest. I snatched up a roll of tape, just as Ash shoved his way into the room.

“I don’t want to fucking hear it,” I hissed at him.

Kneeling before me, he took the tape and grasped my wrist. “It’s been five minutes and you’re already killing me,” he whispered as he began taping up my hands, obviously resigned that he'd lost this round.

“How do you think I felt, watching you take that beating just now?”

He glared at my hands, refusing to meet my eyes. He was pissed at me. “A man should protect his woman from getting hurt.”

My whole body began to tingle. “I’m your woman?”

“Of course you fuckin’ are, Ren. I thought I made myself clear that once I got a taste, I wasn’t letting you go. I can’t.”

“Then you should know that I come with a whole fucking load of willpower, Ash Fuller.”

He laughed, but it never reached his eyes. “You know more of my secrets than anyone else, Ren.”

I bit my tongue. I didn’t know shit about his secrets. He wouldn’t tell me why he got kicked out of pro, he wouldn’t tell me who was on the phone, he wouldn’t tell me anything at all. He just got angry and deep down that’s who Ash Fuller was. Just an angry son of a bitch. I wanted him to prove me wrong.

The ringmaster’s voice boomed over the speaker in the change room, breaking us apart. “It’s time for the woman’s league to have their fifteen minutes of fame.” The crowd roared as Ash and I stared at each other. “Rogue versus our freshest, meanest, meat, Reign of Terror!” Feet thundered in the stands, muffled by the walls around us.

“Reign.” The referee stuck his head in the door. “Get your ass out there now. Two minutes or you forfeit.”

I stood and began walking into the tiny little arena, striding toward the cage. No fear.

“Ren.” Ash grabbed my hand as the crowd caught sight of us and cheered. Sweat was still running down his skin, beading over his tattoo. He looked wild and sexy and I wanted nothing more than to fuck him right then and there, but I had to do this one thing first.

“You heard the man,” I said, nodding at the ringmaster. “Reign of Terror.”

Ash grasped my face in his big paws and said, “Ren, you can ease into this. You don’t have to dive in headfirst.”

I gazed into his green eyes and smiled. “All or nothing, Maverick.” Lifting a taped hand, I ran a finger over his lips. “See you on the other side.”

“Don’t,” Ash pleaded, his fingers curling into the wire mesh as the cage door was shut between us.

I glanced up at him and smiled. I was going to be okay, but the look on his face expressed everything he was feeling and it was something deeper than panic. It was a kind of fear I knew all too well. It was the fear I lived with every single day until Mum died in my arms. It was the fear of losing someone forever.

Ash had nothing to worry about. I was his, even if he didn’t seem to know it yet.

“You're going down, bitch,” the woman who went by Rogue hissed at me.

I shrugged, loosening my shoulders. “We'll see.”

She was a wild, built as fuck Asian woman with long black hair done up in a high ponytail. Her name suited her and I squashed down the nagging voice in the back of my head that was telling me that this was a bad idea. I was shorter than her by a head, but that meant she had to keep her guard lower to compensate. I had enough bounce in my heels to get past if I was quick about it.

Jab. Guard. Feign. Punch.

I could feel Ash's hard glare burning into me from outside the cage. I'd deal with him later, it was my time to live and damned if I was letting a man dictate the terms. I couldn't give a flying fuck how talented he was with his dick.

The ringmaster held up his hand between Rogue and I, readying us for our bout. First one to tap out or be rendered unconscious. I could do that. I wanted to do that. She was so far up her own ass there was a chance that she'd underestimate me and that was the thing I was counting on.

It was my turn to draw blood.

There was a shrill whistle and it was game on.

29

ASH

Rogue landed a fist right into Ren's side and my stomach twisted.

I swear I felt her pain as she stumbled and the crowd roared. I was in a bubble of agony watching her fight. I couldn't protect her in the cage and I couldn't stop her from getting hit.

Fucking hell, Ren. Why'd you have to defy me?

She recovered quickly and didn't waste any time lunging with her elbows out. Her leg hooked around Rogue's while she was distracted by the frontal attack and Ren felled her with effortless precision.

All that training with the men in the classes at Beat had paid off. She knew how to take down guys a lot heavier than her and she made it look effortless. My eyes widened as I realized there was a chance she could actually win this thing. Rogue was third on the scoreboard and the season was a few weeks from the championship fight.

My Spitfire was fucking good. I knew she had skill, but that was at Beat where everything was controlled. This was The Underground where control was a dirty word. Rogue was the meanest bitch there ever was and wouldn’t make this easy. Of all the fighters out there, they had to pair my Spitfire with that bitch? Fuck. I shouldn’t have brought her here. I should’ve been strong enough to keep saying no.

Ren fisted her hand into Rogue's top, hauling her half off the ground and let out a roar. Her fist hit the woman right in the temple with a smack that made me wince. Hands flailed wildly, scratching and biting at her legs, but it didn’t seem to bother Ren in the slightest. I knew that look and it wasn’t good. She’d tasted blood…fuck.

Ren’s fist slammed into Rogue's temple a second time and the crowd went bat shit crazy. Spitfire drew back and looked at the white tape on her hands and seemed confused to find it smeared with red. The referee slid onto his knees next to the two women, his hand in the air waiting for Rogue to move, but there was nothing. K-fuckin'-O'd.

I smashed a fist into the chain-link. She'd fucking won. My Spitfire had a heart of fire.

The crowd was going mad, stomping their feet, screaming Reign of Terror. Ren was laughing, shaking her head in disbelief like she didn't think the ref would be holding her hand up. He turned her around, so the crowd could get a look at the woman who'd come out of nowhere and felled one of the top place getters.

God, I felt high on her.

A figure loomed in my peripheral vision and I suppressed a groan. It could only be one person and they'd be here for only one reason - to rain on my fuckin' parade.

“Fuller.”

I felt vomit rising in the back of my throat. “Hammer.”

The last time I saw Hammer was when I was looking down on his bloody pulp of a face. No regrets. I warned him and he didn't listen. He got his ass handed to him on a weekly basis and it was the thrill of my life paying him back. Glaring out the corner of my eye at the six foot six monster, I noticed he was still as ugly without all the swelling and red stuff.

I'd been kicked out of pro, but he forfeited. I wasn't sure which one was better, but at least I didn't chicken out over an injury.

“She's a sweet one,” Hammer growled, nodding at Ren who was talking heatedly with the referee. “How much does a whore like that cost you, Fuller? I'd like to fuck a woman like that. A bitch who can fight.” He scratched his filthy balls.

Red. All I could see was red. “Keep your fuckin' hands off her, Hammer.”

His lips curled into a sneer I wanted to sucker punch right off his stupid face.

“She looks like she'd like it hard.”

Rage flared hot in my stomach and I fisted my hands into the front of his shirt, wrenching him close. “We're not in pro now, asswipe,” I snarled. “You lay one finger on Ren and I will snap you in half.”

“Hey!” One of the referees shoved between us, breaking us up before shit got nasty. “If you guys have got beef with each other, fight it out in the cage. Keep it out of the stands or you'll lose points. Got it?”

Glaring at Hammer, I spat. “Got it.”

I didn't give a shit about the points, I was far enough in front of second place to be free and easy with a couple. Ironically, second place was the dead shit known as Hammer.

He stared me down just as hard and we both knew that when we finally met in the ring for the championship bout, there would be no second chances. We'd beat each other within an inch of our lives. The Underground was a place where lives could, and had been, snuffed out.

Hammer broke our standoff first, a sly smile on his face. “I'll see you in the cage, Fuller. You better fuckin' bring it.”

“Wouldn't dream of leaving it behind.”

My guts started to squirm. I'd just let the asshole know how much I cared for Ren and I wouldn't put it past him to try something. This was exactly why I didn't want to bring her here. They'd try and get to her and it would be all my fault...again.

Spinning sharply on my heel, I turned into a sweaty and glowing Ren. Fuck, she was beautiful. My cock started to harden and I resisted the urge to drag her into the back and go at it.

“Who was that?” she asked, glancing around me.

I flung an arm around her shoulder, breathing in her scent. “No one. Absolutely no one.”

30

REN

I'd won.

I'd smashed my fist right into Rogue's temple and it was lights out.

I'd won.

“Ren!” Josie shrieked. “What happened to your face?

Snapping out of my daydream, I blinked hard at my friend and shrugged. I'd forgotten my cheek had been split open. It wasn't that bad...really. It had only bled for a minute.

“Ren?” Josie was staring at me.

“It's just a scratch,” I said, waving her away. “I covered it best I could with concealer.”

Seth had pretty much said the same thing when I walked into the cafe an hour earlier. A cut on a girl’s face and people went ballistic. It was even worse with them knowing I took MMA classes on a daily basis.

Last night…shit. The Underground was something else. I let my inner beast free in the cage and it was like some kind of drug. Is that what Ash felt when he let loose? If it was, then I finally understood his need to fight without boundaries.

I’d been hauled from the cage into a whirlwind of sudden adoration from the crowd, other fighters and the referees. Even some of the bookmakers had asked me if I was going to fight again, and then huddled into discussion about what odds they could put me up for. Ash had led me to a makeshift office in the back of the warehouse where money was being flung around like it was nothing. Some guy had shoved a wad of fifties into my hand and pushed me out the door. I didn't realize I'd win that much money for beating Rogue, I thought that was reserved for the fighters on top of the leaderboard. Fighters like Ash. I was a newbie, but they'd given me two thousand dollars.

Two thousand dollars.

I could move out of Beat and get my own place, but the only way I'd be able to pay rent was if I got more hours at the cafe or...

Ash would never allow it. He was proud that I'd actually won, but I was smart enough to know he was pissed. He didn't want me to go but I'd forced the subject and to top it all off...I'd gotten into the ring, right into harm's way.

We both left with a wad of cash, his was a lot bigger than mine, and came back to Beat. Needless to say, after a fight like that and seeing him all sweaty and in raging fighter mode, we fucked like rabbits until we passed out in my storage closet. No questions, no arguments, but that was coming and when it did, it was going to hurt more than any punch Rogue had landed on me.

“What’s going on with you and Ash?”

I stared at Josie, blinking hard. “Oh, shit,” I exclaimed. “No, he didn’t do this. I was in a fight.”

“A fight?” She looked me up and down. “You’re in a proper competition, I hope. You better be or I’ll have your ass, Ren Miller.”

I wondered if The Underground really fell underneath the banner of ‘proper’.

“I won,” I said, still riding high. “I actually won and I’ve never won anything in my entire life.”

Josie started to laugh. “How the hell did we become friends?” she asked gesturing between us. She stood there in her tailored business suit and sculpted blonde hair and I was this disheveled fighter that worked in a coffee shop. Light and dark.

Realizing that was the first time I described myself as a fighter, I smiled.

“I have no idea,” I replied. “But I’m going with it.”

“Can I come watch?” she asked.

“I’m not sure if I’m going to fight again,” I said with a frown. I didn’t know if The Underground was the kind of place for someone like Josie. She’d be too easily led astray, or then again, she might be the one doing the leading.

Josie rose her eyebrows at me. “That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard,” she declared. “From that stupid look on your face, I know you will.”

I couldn’t help grinning. Yeah, I’d totally do it again, with or without Ash’s permission.

That night, Ash didn’t leave with the Twins and Dean gave me a look as they walked out the door. When I came back from my shift at the coffee shop, Ash kept glancing at me, while I watched their training session with much more interest than usual. Now that I didn’t have to hide the fact that I was staring at his ass all day, I was free to listen more closely than usual.

It turned out to be extremely beneficial and when Dad saw me sitting in the wings he looked rather pleased with himself. When I started taking classes, he was all over the fact that I was showing an interest, but it had dropped off into a steady stream of nothing. Now that I was sitting here, not ashamed of my attraction to Ash, he was all fucking ears. Typical.

“I liked you watching me today,” Ash declared, prowling over the mats toward me.

The studio had emptied out pretty quick for once. There was no class tonight and for the first time I was bloody glad. I could have Beat and Golden Boy to myself. Train for a few hours, or go upstairs and fuck my hot beefcake of a man? Sex counted as exercise didn’t it? The way Ash liked to screw, it sure was.

“I liked watching you,” I echoed. “Especially your ass.”

“I know you like my ass.”

I cocked my head to the side.

“I saw you lookin’ at me all those times, darlin’,” he drawled, running his big paws over my waist and cupping my ass. The motion sent me straight into his body and I felt his cock against my stomach.

“Fuck. Really?” I joked.

“You knew I caught you. I also knew you stuck your ass in the air any chance you got.”

“I did not,” I exclaimed. I really didn’t, but trust a guy to go straight for the dirt.

“Ren,” Ash started, all the playfulness dropping from his voice.

“Yeah?”

“Can you make me a promise?”

I pulled back slightly so I could read his expression. I wasn’t going to like this. “No.”

“You haven’t even heard what it is.”

“I know what it is and my answer is no.”

“I can’t stand it,” he moaned, cupping my face in his hands. His forehead came to rest against mine. “Don’t go back.”

Reaching up, I ran a finger over his lips, just like I’d done the other night…right before I turned around and beat the shit out of Rogue.

Suddenly, I was in Ash’s arms and he was carrying me up the stairs two at a time. He kicked open the door to my storage closet and dumped me onto the mattress, eliciting an exasperated cry from between my lips.

He climbed on top of me, kissing a trail from my cleavage to my mouth, biting on my bottom lip. He was hard again. There was definitely no off switch on his dick.

“What do you win if you take the whole thing?” I asked as he moved to my neck. If I got two grand, then he must be raking it in week after week. No wonder he was able to finance Beat like he’d been doing. He must be rolling in a bed of fifties every night.

Ash shrugged, not seeming interested and bit into my skin softly.

“You don’t care about winning?”

His expression tightened and he rolled off me, sitting up. “Oh, I fuckin’ care about winning Ren. I just don’t care about what I win.”

Typical male. Though I wondered why he didn’t care about the money. It was a normal human response to get excited about a little extra cash. I knew I did.

I sat up behind him, resting against his back. “Do you fight every night?”

“No, not every night.” His fingers tightened around the blankets.

“Then…”

“Sometimes I just go to watch,” he murmured. “What? Did you think I was going some place to pick up, then coming back here to you?”

I felt a flush rising. I always turned bloody red.

“I’m not an asshole. Not where women are concerned. If I was fucking somebody else, I wouldn’t have come back here.”

“Oh,” I squeaked. The bad ass fighter from the night before had totally vacated the building.

He shifted on the bed, so his body was pressed against mine. “How could I fuck some other woman when all I can think about is you?”

“Good,” I declared, running a hand over his thigh.

“It’s you and me now Ren. There’s no going back.”

The notion should’ve scared me a little, knowing that I still had deep rooted abandonment issues, but I didn’t care. I was totally in lust with Ash Fuller and if he said we were solid, then it must be true.

“What about tomorrow?” I murmured, leaning into him, so I could press my lips against his neck.

“You want to go back for more?” Ash didn’t seem to thrilled with the idea.

“Why not? I mightn’t win the championship, but I can win a few fights.”

The idea seemed to piss Ash off and he shook his head. “Why? If you want money, I can give it to you.”

“I don’t want your money,” I exclaimed, beginning to get annoyed. “I want to make my own way, Ash. My fists, my money.”

“It's illegal, Ren. If anyone finds out...”

“Nobody will find out.”

“I don't want to ruin your life after-”

“Oh, shut the fuck up, Ash.” I shoved his shoulder. “It was my decision and my decision alone to get into that cage. You had nothing to do with it.”

“I should've stopped you.” He started to grind his jaw, eyes darkening into a storm.

“And I would've fought you.” I turned, so I could wrap my arms around his waist. “You can't protect me all the time, Ash. I can take care of myself when you're not there, you know.”

“I won’t allow it,” he snarled.

“Fuck you, Ash Fuller,” I hissed at him, my hackles rising. “Don’t you go alpha male on me. I won’t be told what I can and cannot do.”

His eyes were a whirlwind of fury. “You know there aren’t any rules, Ren. You pissed off a lot of people by putting Rogue down like you did. Next time won’t be so easy.”

My heart twisted. “I wasn’t born yesterday, Ash. I know they’ll be out for blood.”

“Once you step into that cage, I can’t protect you.”

“I don’t want you to protect me,” I exclaimed. “Get it through your thick skull.”

“Fuck, Ren,” he hissed. “Why do you have to fight me on everything?”

“Not everything,” I replied, taking a deep breath. “Just this.”

He grasped my shoulders, his expression falling into something closer to pain. “Why? Why do you have to fight? You could join a legitimate league. One with rules and fuckin’ paramedics on call.”

“Probably for the same reasons that you need to fight,” I whispered. “It’s the only way it can come out.”

“What?”

“The anger.” I stared into his eyes and he didn’t have to ask what I was angry about. He was witness to it every day. A dead mother, a lost childhood….a family that didn’t want me, a half-sister that despised my existence and a life that had been shoved into a storage closet. I had plenty to be angry about.

“You can’t stop me, Ash.”

“I know,” he whispered. “It doesn't mean I won't try.”

“Just don't beat yourself up over it, okay? This one’s on me.”

The sparkle began to come back into his eyes. “You’re fuckin’ trouble Ren Miller.”

“So you keep saying.” I smiled up at him. Fuck, he just kept…dazzling me. He just dazzled.

“Stop lookin’ at me like that,” he grumbled. Trust him to be a typical man and ruin my moment.

“Why me?” I asked.

Ash cocked his head to the side. “Why?”

“Yeah. Why? You were always…Monica…”

His eyes narrowed in displeasure. “Ren, I was always like that with her to keep her away from you. She was always looking for a way to bring you down.” He shrugged, pressing his lips against the top of my head. “I distracted her.”

My heart began doing backflips. All that time, he was trying to protect me? It annoyed the shit outta me, but it came from the right place….right?

“I was angry with you for so long…” I whispered.

“You’re still angry with me.” He started laughing, stroking a hand through my hair.

I smacked my shoulder against his. “I think we’ll always be fighting over something.”

“Why do you call me Maverick?” he asked, hooking a hand underneath my legs and tugging.

“Well,” I said sinking into his lap. “Before you came back, I remember looking at your picture out in the hall-”

“The one everyone licks?” His eyes narrowed as he chuckled.

“That'd be the one.” I snorted at the memory of our first meeting. “I looked at it and thought you looked similar to Tom Cruise in Top Gun.”

Ash started to laugh, his grip tightening around my waist.

“Stop it.” I pinched him underneath the arm.

With one fluid movement, he flipped me around so my back was flat on the mattress. Pressing a knee between my legs, he lowered his weight over my body. Fuck, I loved the feel of him over me.

“You wanna know what I call you?” he murmured, pressing his lips against the corner of my jaw. That little spot right underneath my ear.

“You better not call me babe or kitten or something equally puke worthy,” I gasped, the familiar ache Ash rose in my pussy, pulsing through my entire body.

Teeth nipped my neck. “Puke worthy?”

“I ain't a baby.”

Ash rolled his hips into mine, rubbing his cock against my thigh. “No, you're definitely not a baby, Spitfire.”

“Spitfire?” I kind of liked it. It made me sound tough.

“Spitfire.”

His mouth caught mine again and he stroked his tongue against mine, softly at first, then deeper as I began to rub my clit against his cock. There were way too many clothes between us so I began pulling at his shirt.

Ash was only too happy to oblige my wandering hands. He reached behind and yanked it off, exposing his tattooed chest, his mouth catching mine again. He seemed to have forgotten the fact that I wanted to fight at The Underground again and I was more than thankful for the distraction. He’d chastised me for using sex as a weapon the first night we hooked up, but he’d used it time and time again to try and distract me from getting what I needed. Violence, blood, fists and pain… I was only fighting fire with fire. We both got something out of it in the end, right? A fucking amazing orgasm.

It wouldn’t be the end of our argument, but I was going back to The Underground for round two. Ash’s hand clamped around my breast and his fingers twisted a nipple through my bra. I arched into him, an expletive on my lips. Fuck…round two could wait until tomorrow night.

My tank top was dragged over my head and then air kissed my breasts as Ash flicked the clasp open and flung the piece of lace over his shoulder.

“Fuck, Ash,” I gasped as he licked a trail toward my breasts.

“I intend to fuck you,” he murmured.

Teeth grazed my right nipple before biting down hard. The painful sensation only mainlined a hot spark of pleasure right into my core and I thrust against him. I’d never get enough, I’d never want him to stop…Ash was mine.

He thrust a hand down my knickers and found my clit, circling and pinching roughly. Our breathing picked up as my head pressed into the pillow, lost to the rhythm of his fingers.

“God,” I cried out.

“No,” he whispered, his lips curving into a grin against my skin. “Ash.”

“Shut the fuck up and strip.”

“If I didn’t want to sink into your pussy so much, I’d take you over my knee.”

The thought of Ash spanking me had even dirtier thoughts springing to mind.

His eyes widened with lust. “Shit, you’re picturin’ me smackin’ your ass, aren’t you?”

“Yeah,” I breathed heavily, a haze settling over my vision. I was so fucking horny.

With a growl, he stripped my bottom-half bare, flinging my shorts and knickers over his shoulder. His pants followed a split second later and I stared at his tattooed chest, my gaze burning down toward the V of his muscles and smack bang into his cock. It was hard and ready and all I wanted was for him to put it in and fuck me stupid.

Ash thought he was a beast, but he had no idea what was living inside of me…what he awoke the first night he turned up at Beat. I was the animal wild enough to sate the hunger that lived inside of him. Me.

Lowering himself over my body, the underside of Ash’s thick, heavy cock rubbed through my folds and I spread my legs wide, opening myself completely. With a groan, Ash began licking a trail upwards, his weight enveloping my entire body. His lips found mine the moment the head of his cock pressed against my pussy and the pressure was unbearable.

“Ash,” I gasped against his lips. “I need you in me.”

“I’m going to fuck you hard, Spitfire,” he moaned. “You’re so fucking sweet…”

So, it was true. A beast did live inside of him and when he wanted to fuck, that was the beast I was falling for. The orgasm would come fast and would tear me apart. I fucking loved it.

Ash thrusted into me with a grunt and my eyes flew open. Fuck.

He didn’t give me time to get used to the sensation and slid back and thrust again, sliding me up the mattress.

“Fuck,” he was muttering. “Fuck your pussy is so fucking tight. Do you like that?”

I think I said yes, but neither of us seemed to care if I answered or not because nothing was stopping him now. God, he was so raw and magnificent and he was all mine. He hadn’t looked twice at those bimbos at The Underground. He’d only had eyes for me and it turned me on knowing he was hard, knowing he was going to take me the first moment he could. Fighting was our thing. We fought in the cage, pounded our aggression out in other ways and got the rest of our steam off together…all sweaty and naked.

It sounded totally fucked up, but it was us. It was ours and ours alone. We were so similar in so many different ways, but the things that set us apart, fed off the other. He was the moon to my sun. He was the earth to my sky. Poetic bullshit, but how could you put a label on it?

Rolling onto his back and pulling me over him, Ash held my thighs in his big hands and thrust upward over and over. He fucked me from underneath, doing all the work. My elbows sunk into the mattress either side of his head, holding on for fucking life as he stared at my tits swaying back and forth. He pounded into my pussy, taking everything he needed, but giving me all I wanted. It was fucking porn star sex without the soundtrack, but it was the best fuck we’d had yet. His skin was slick with sweat as heat sparked across mine, the onslaught against my clit building and building towards a fucking brilliant orgasm. It was almost there, humming at the edges.

“I’m close,” I panted and I was suddenly on my back, Ash’s hulking body over mine.

He slid his cock back into me and pressed against my clit, holding firm and deep.

“Hold onto it, Ren,” he growled. “We’re going at the same time.” He circled his pelvis into mine slowly before sliding out. “Hard until we’re coming.”

His eyes held firm with mine as he thrust hard and didn’t stop, pounding into me again and again. I couldn’t hold on, I couldn’t help letting go underneath his onslaught. He kept hitting the right place deep inside me, slapping against my clit…it was too much.

My pussy began to tighten around his cock as my orgasm took me and he moaned loudly, his lips parting. My hands slapped against his ass, fingers digging into skin, relishing the feel of his flexing muscles. I rode the wave hard as Ash followed me into oblivion, his release spurting into me.

I could only think of one word as I milked his cock with all that I had. Mine.

This thing between Ash and I was deeper than just a great fuck. We were meant to find each other and there was no way in hell I was letting him go.

And when he finally opened his eyes and stared down at me, I didn’t have to hear him say it because it was written in everything he did.

You’re mine, Ren. You’re mine and I’m never letting you go.

31

REN

My second night at The Underground was even more exhilarating than the first.

People recognized who I was and wanted to know if I was fighting again. They called me Reign of Terror and Ash just looked at me like I was mad. Maybe I was.

The bookies waved when I passed, seeing a potential wad of cash and punters didn’t just want to talk to Ash this time, they wanted to talk to me too. For the first time in my life, people wanted to know me. I was smart enough to realize it was all a little fake, but the attention was something else. I’d never experienced it before.

Ash just shook his head, the only sign that he still disapproved, and grudgingly watched on as I signed up for that night’s bouts. The ref from the night before just smirked at me with a big ‘I told you so’ look plastered on his face.

I got two fights to Ash’s three that night. It seemed like my debut packed enough of a punch to get me on the list. There were no overs.

I’d given Rogue a pretty bad concussion apparently, so she wasn’t even on the board. They put me up against a tough Aussie-Italian woman named Fury, and an Australian with the handle, Thunder. The whole name thing still made me burst out into fits of laughter, but I just went with the flow.

I tapped against Fury and downed Thunder faster than I had Rogue. I wasn’t as talented as Ash, I had to work to get all the footing I could in my bouts.  I took more hits than he did, more risks and more of everything. Ash just walked into the cage and steamrolled every opponent who dared face him.

But that was the way he did things and there wasn’t another fighter there that could match it. My Maverick was one of a kind.

I was sitting in the change rooms after my last fight, staring at my hands, wondering where all this was going. Was I doing it to feel something? Was I doing it to piss of my Dad? Was I doing it because I felt like I had to be a part of Ash’s world to win a slice of his heart?

“Nice fight, Terror.” I glanced up at Thunder who was holding her hand out towards me. Was it a peace offering, her being a good sport or something a little more sinister?

Deciding to take a chance, I took her outstretched hand and shook. “Thanks.” As an afterthought, I added, “Thanks for being so cool about it. Not many people around here seemed thrilled about being beaten by a newbie.”

Thunder grinned, sitting beside me. “Some bitches take this shit super serious. Not all of us are like that, but just watch yourself, okay?”

I laughed because, yeah, there were a lot of snakes in the grass around this place. “I’ve already got my hackles up, don’t you worry.”

“You and Fuller, huh?” she asked and my eyebrows rose. Her whole good sportsmanship approach smelt like a way to get the low down about me and Ash. Anyone with a pair of eyes in their head could see that we were together.

I eyed Thunder suspiciously. “Me and Fuller? Uh, obviously.”

“Can’t say I’m not jealous,” she said with a shrug. “But so are a lot of other people. You’ve got balls, Terror, fucking huge balls.”

“Thanks for…whatever this is, but I understand the size of the target on my back and who’s got it in for me.” I stood as Ash walked into the change rooms. “No hard feelings?” I held out my hand this time.

Thunder smiled up at me, not taken aback in the slightest. Taking my hand she said, “If we’re choosing sides, I’m on yours.”

“I don’t want to be on a side,” I replied. “I just wanna fight. Until next time, hey?”

Thunder nodded with a quizzical look on her face and I turned to find Ash, who was rubbing himself down with a towel. I felt heat begin to rise as I stopped beside him.

“Would you like me to do that?” I murmured, licking my lips. “That’s one thing I wouldn’t mind doing for you.”

Ash flicked me with the towel before saying, “Only if you wanna risk me stripping you in front of all these fuckers and going at it.”

“Gross,” I joked. Ash pulled on his T-shirt and I grimaced, screwing up my nose. “You’re not showering?”

“I’ll shower when we get back to Beat,” he whispered in my ear, hands grasping my waist. “I like showering with you.”

“I bet you do.” I sure as fuck did.

There was a loud crash as the largest fighter I’d ever seen barreled into the room, slamming his fist into a row of lockers. He wasn’t as toned as Ash, but he was one ugly son of a bitch. His face was scarred, like he’d been dragged down the road face first and it hadn’t healed properly and his head was shaved to the point of being shiny. The whole thing just made him look mean and by his entrance, the insides probably matched the outsides.

“Who’s that?” I whispered into Ash’s ear, realizing he’d been talking to the guy outside the cage while I’d been fighting Rogue the night before.

“That’s Hammer,” he replied. “He’s second in the men’s. Rogue is his woman.”

“Oh, shit,” I said, realizing Hammer was Ash’s Underground arch nemesis. “I fucked her face up.”

“And now he’s got his rage on to pay me back.”

“Should I say I’m sorry?” I asked.

“To him?” Ash exclaimed, looking at me like I was crazy. “Don’t you dare fuckin’ talk to him.”

“Not him, you stupid fucker,” I said with a laugh. “You.”

“Why would you apologize to me? You can punch her out as much as you like.”

“Good. I intend to.”

Hammer chose that moment to look up and catch my eye. He licked his lips, his scarred face looking ghoulish in the half-light and I suppressed a shudder. From the sounds of it, the ugly went all the way through.

“So, do you and Hammer have some kind of rivalry going on?” I asked.

Ash stiffened slightly and shifted to try and cover it up, but it was too late. I’d already caught it.

“It’s not just a new thing, is it?”

“I knew him before,” Ash replied, thinly. “He was an asshole then and he’s an asshole now.” He turned to glare at me. What the fuck did I do? “Stay away from him, Ren.”

“Ugh.” I faux stuck a finger down my throat. “Puke. Don’t worry about that.”

Ash started to laugh, rubbing a hand up and down my waist. “You’re trouble, Ren Miller.”

“You’re stuck with me, Maverick.” I slid my hand over his and couldn’t get over how small mine was compared to his.

“You can still reconsider.”

“You still on that?”

“Always,” he murmured, running a thumb over the cut on my cheek.

“What do you get if you win?” I asked.

He shrugged. Always with the shrugging. “A million dollars.”

My eyes widened, but Ash didn’t seem to care about the price tag he was carrying about. “How much have you won so far?”

“About that.”

A million dollars? For beating the shit out of people? It was all dirty money in a way, because this whole operation was illegal, but he’d won it fair and square. He’d played by their rules and was making a lot of people rich in the process.

“Why didn't you tell me?” I almost shrieked at him.

“It’s not important.”

“I don’t give a shit about the money,” I went on, but Ash interrupted me.

“Neither do I. That’s why I didn’t mention it. I don’t give a stuff.”

“No, but other people do,” I murmured.

He glanced down at me, a frown creasing his forehead. “You worried about me, Spitfire?”

I squeezed my thighs together as the sound of my nickname coming from his lips rippled through my body. “Yeah.”

I knew Ash struggled with a lot of things, but our relationship didn’t have to be one of them. Before he could say something assholey to ruin it, I leaned up, fisted a hand into his shirt and pulled him against me. His lips caught mine and I kissed him into submission.

“Trouble,” he breathed against my mouth.

“All caps, Maverick.”

After a week and ten thousand dollars sitting in my bank account, I quit my job at the coffee shop.

Seth complained and Joseph just shrugged. I guess the shrugging was a man thing, but I was glad I didn’t have to get up and work anymore. Josie and I hadn’t caught up like we’d planned and I felt a little guilty for not seeing her. I could say my plate was full, but that was just an excuse.

I was well and truly sucked into the lifestyle of cash, violence and Ash.

Didn’t take long.

“Ren.”

I stopped in the doorway of Beat’s gym as I heard Dad call out. I knew this conversation was coming, because when I started turning up with cuts on my face and hands, the looks started. I saw the cogs turning in Dad’s head and it wasn’t going to take much for him to work out what was going on.

I wondered how much he actually knew, considering Ash was giving him money for Beat. He had to have a good idea, even if Ash hadn’t told him straight up. We sure as fuck didn’t make any effort to conceal our relationship. We didn’t go all 'public display of affection' in the studio, but it was borderline. The only people who seemed concerned were the Twins because they were afraid of Ash doing wrong by me.

The other was Monica. She slunk around Beat all day and night with a sour look on her face, the fact that she was put out that she’d been snubbed by her crush, one hundred percent obvious. That was a storm that was yet to break.

“Yeah?” I turned on my heel as Dad approached for his planned intervention, a concerned look on his face.

“I’d rather you be truthful with me, Ren,” he started, and I rolled my eyes. “Where are you getting those cuts?”

“Took you long enough to give a shit,” I replied.

“Renee.”

“Why do you care all of a sudden, Dad? It’s been months and you’ve never given a crap what I have and haven’t done.”

“I know where Ash gets his money from, Ren,” Dad said, his expression thin. “I know where he takes you.”

“And what’s that supposed to mean?”

“If you get caught, you could serve serious jail time.”

“I know, Dad,” I hissed. “I know the risk-”

“So you don’t deny it?” His eyes started to blaze as he flipped on his angry father mode. “Did he put you up to this?”

“Ash did nothing but try and deter me, Dad,” I spat. “It's my decision and nobody else's.”

“Ren-”

“I’m winning. For the first time in my life I’m fucking winning.” When all I ever did before was lose.

“Renee, just listen to me,” Dad pleaded, grabbing my arm.

All I could see was red. Fucking red. He wanted to start caring now? After all this time of ignoring me, not saying a word, never explaining why he left Mum and I, hiding me from his wife, not even saying sorry? Well, I had fucking news for him. I shoved him off with a hard jab to his chest and all he could do was stare at me in shock.

“You weren’t there when she went into remission the first time,” I shrieked and Ash and the Twins stopped mid-training and stared at the train wreck like slack-jawed hicks. “You weren’t there when she found out the cancer had come back. You weren’t there through the years of chemo. You weren’t there when she took her last fucking breath.” I took a deep breath, curling my hands into tight fists. “You never even went to her fucking funeral, so don’t you stand there and tell me what I can and cannot do. You stopped being my father the day you walked away and traded us in for a fancier model. We may be related by blood, but I am not your daughter.”

He stood there, staring in shock as I shoved past him, going for the door.

Fresh air hit my flushed face and I breathed deeply, the door slamming closed behind me. The street was empty, but I felt emptier. I had Ash and The Underground, but was it enough? My Mum wanted me to have a family, but how far was I meant to go in order to get it? The family she thought I was going to find didn’t want me until it suited them. Maybe they didn’t want me at all.

I leaned my head against the brick wall of the building next door, squeezing my eyes shut. I had nowhere to run to.

“Ren?”

I didn’t expect to hear Ash’s voice. Truthfully, I wasn’t sure what I was expecting after that. I was the one who dished out the comfort. I didn’t need any help. I didn’t need-

He threw his arms around me, pulling me roughly into his bare chest. He’d chased after me in nothing but his shorts.

“Why-”

He didn’t give me a chance to finish my stupid question.

“Because you had the guts to face me at my worst,” he declared. “If I’m meant to have a fuckin’ heart or some shit, then aren’t I supposed to come after you?”

“Typical bloody man,” I grumbled, trying desperately to stick my heart back together so he wouldn’t see me lose it…except he already had.

“What was that about?” he murmured.

“He knows, Ash. He knows what we do.”

“I figured,” he replied, making me look up at him. “He knows me too well. I had to be getting all that cash someplace. Nobody wants to touch me after…” He trailed off. “He’s just worried about you, Ren.”

“Now?” I clutched at Ash’s waist, but he was all muscle. There wasn’t anything to grab onto but the hem of his shorts.

“I wish there was a way to go back,” he murmured, brushing a tear from my cheek.

I drew in a shaky breath, staring into Ash’s green eyes. They were bright today and I was thankful. I liked when his eyes were clear. He was a little hearts and flowers when they were like that.

“I know this question makes me an asshole, but do you want to talk about it?”

Talk about it? Talk about Mum and all those years in and out of hospitals and the near death experiences? How can you talk about watching the life slip from someone’s eyes? How do you explain the hollowness at being all alone in the world? Was there even a word for that? There wasn’t.

“There’s nothing to talk about.”

Ash frowned at me, probably wondering how far he could push me before I snapped. Funny how suddenly our roles were reversed. It seemed like yesterday that I was thinking the exact same thing about him. We’d both had our mini-breakdowns and both times it was each other that chased the darkness away.

I’d asked him to trust me so many times and so had he, but neither of us had come clean about the things that had hurt us. What was trust when I couldn’t even give mine to him?

“I held her as she died,” I sobbed, falling against his chest. “He wasn’t even there.”

“I know,” he murmured, rubbing my back.

“And he thinks now is a good time to lay down the law?”

“You’re your own woman, Spitfire,” Ash murmured into my hair. “You want to fight, then you fuckin’ fight.”

“You’re not-”

“I reckon you won that argument the moment you went back for round fuckin’ two,” he growled.

“Ash...” I sighed, rubbing my hands over his abs.

“Fuck, this is the longest relationship I’ve ever been in, so cut me a bit of slack,” he said.

“Ditto.”

I didn’t have to look at him to know he was grinding his teeth again, but I pulled away and shoved him back toward the door of Beat.

“Get inside,” I said, trying to smile. “You’re ninety five percent naked and I don’t want anyone ogling you but me.”

His lips curved into a grin and he reached for my hand.

Ash’d calmed me down for now, but I still felt the anger simmering in my pores, waiting for the chance to be set free again. I understood him more than he knew. More than I’d ever be willing to let him know.

Anger was dangerous and mine was growing faster than I could control. I needed to fight now more than ever.

Ash and I were the same.

I started to join Ash and the Twins at meal times. It seemed like the thing to do now that all my time was taken up pursuing other things.

Monica made it her duty not to serve me until Dad came in and told her to. I was happy to get my own, but she guarded the stove like a bloody Doberman.

Everyone knew something suss was going on and nobody had the guts to ask me about it. They knew I was wrapped up in whatever Ash was and the Twins had been extremely vocal about me staying away from whatever it was. Because obviously it had to be bad. They didn’t know how spot on they were. My entire life I never had a leash, but the moment I turned up at Beat I had three of them. The fourth was my father, but his was still pretty loose. All bark and no bite.

I’d had a partial burst of anger that afternoon at my Dad, but I was still a walking time bomb. I’d let out a little, but had yet to go full nuclear. As Monica pranced around the kitchen like a tart, I knew she was trying to press any button she could. Was this her game plan? Was this the moment she was waiting for or had I just given her a key to the side door?

I glared at her as she leaned over Ash, her tits brushing against his shoulder as she made a show of serving him up a plate full of bland pasta. He was sitting opposite, so I got the entire uninterrupted view. Then she went around to the Twins and served them, not nearly as touchy feely. When she came around to me, she dumped the dregs onto my plate, splashing hot water and slimy pasta everywhere.

Once she’d put the pot into the dishwasher, she passed Ash again and rubbed her slimy hands over his shoulders, making my eyebrows knit together. I thought I’d had it bad that first night at The Underground when those fake women tried to rub up against him, but it had nothing on seeing my bitch of a sister try it on. The only thing that stopped me from getting up out of my seat and slamming her head into the fridge, was the look on Ash’s face.

It was tight with restrained annoyance and when he caught my gaze he shook his head slightly.

She was just doing it to get a rise out of me.

I glanced at Dean, whose fist was curled around his fork so tight it was a wonder the thing hadn’t bent in half. Monica was such a stupid bitch. She didn’t deserve anyone, let alone the Twin who secretly pined after her. What the fuck was that about?

I kicked Dean under the table and his gaze snapped to mine. Yeah, I wasn’t happy about it either. When class was done and the lights snapped off that night, I was going to train until I fell flat on my ass.

Ash caught my eye and it was like he could read my thoughts. He shook his head again.

I beat up two guys a lot bigger than myself that night. The instructor was impressed, but the men I’d downed weren’t as enthusiastic. As they all left for the night, the piss was taken out of them ruthlessly by the others. And me? I was blind to it all, well and truly walking around in a haze of red.

Ash locked the door to Beat that night in an attempt to cage me in.

“No Underground?” I asked, flexing my fingers before curling them into tight fists.

“No. I’ve fought my quota for the week,” he said darkly. “We’re staying here tonight.”

“Is that an order?” I asked, my eyebrows rising defiantly.

“A friendly suggestion.”

I snorted at the irony. It sounded anything but friendly. “You love being the fucking alpha, don’t you?”

“Love?” he asked, grinding his jaw. “I am the alpha, Spitfire. I’m done trying to play nice.”

“Fuck you.”

“You need to take a beat, Ren.”

“I need to get this out,” I exclaimed, gesturing wildly. “You understand? Of course you do.”

“If you keep using your anger like this it'll destroy you.”

“How the fuck do you know?” I asked, seething.

“It’s what got me kicked out of pro,” he replied, his voice tight.

I knew that one, but he’d never found it in himself to tell me all the circumstances. His answer seemed kind of hollow. Snorting, I turned back to the bag getting ready to start about a million sets. When I finished those, I’d start again. Burn it away with my fists.

“It could get you hurt,” Ash added. “If you go into a fight with a fucked up head you start to take stupid risks. You can’t take risks there, Ren.”

“Every day is a risk,” I said, turning back to face him, ready to argue it out to blows if that’s what it took.

“Yeah, it fuckin’ is, but you don’t need to take unnecessary ones.”

“I think I-” My words were cut short as Ash slammed his body into mine, his mouth silencing my protests.

There was nothing sweet or tender about his kiss, he plunged his tongue right in and devoured my anger, replacing it with a sudden flare of lust. My pussy tightened and shuddered as he backed me against the mirrors, pinning my arms over my head. Grinding his erection to my clit, I moaned loudly, thrusting my hips forward.

“I thought we’d discussed this,” I gasped.

“Discussed what?” he asked, dipping his head so he could suck and bite my neck.

“The one about using sex as a weapon.”

“Must’ve missed that one,” he growled, letting me go and ripping my sports bra up and over my head. He palmed my breasts as my arms fell around his shoulders.

“Are you trying to fuck me into submission?” I asked, pressing into his hands.

“No,” he moaned, leaning his forehead against mine. “I’m trying to fuck the anger away.”

Shoving my hands down the back of his shorts, I pushed them over his ass cheeks. “Then put it in me.”

Ash lowered to his knees, tugging my shorts off, exposing all of my private parts. Wrapping a hand around my thigh, he shoved my leg over his shoulder. Before I could do anything, he licked the length of my folds and sucked hard on my clit. My knees almost buckled at the sudden sensation and I fisted my hands into his hair.

“Fuck,” I exclaimed.

“You like that?” Ash murmured before doing it again. This time, as he sucked on my clit, he thrust a thick finger inside my pussy, hitting the spot that made me squirm.

Heat seared in all the right places as I moaned at the welcome intrusion. Fuck the anger away. I wanted to fight it out, but this seemed like a good idea now that we were doing it. Yeah…fuck the anger away.

Ash began pumping his finger in and out, biting at my clit and I lost it. I clawed at his hair and thrust against his face, and when he pressed a second finger in with the first, I felt an orgasm rising fast.

“I’m close,” I muttered, palming my breasts.

“You’re coming on my cock, Spitfire,” Ash growled, pulling his fingers away.

Standing, he kicked off his shorts, exposing his hard cock. His big paws were on my ass, lifting me up and my back pressing firmly against the mirror. He held me up at the perfect angle, but didn’t move to take what I was offering. I wrapped my legs around his waist, trying to pull him against me and force his dick into the one place I needed it the most.

“Fuck, you’re a greedy little thing,” he moaned, rubbing his crown against my opening.

“You wanted to fuck it away,” I gasped, my whole body trembling with need.

“Not fuck it away,” he replied, dipping his cock just inside. “I was wrong. I want to soothe the beast, Spitfire.”

As he thrust his cock into me and started to pound, building another powerful orgasm, I forgot what it was I was so angry about.

Mission accomplished.

32

REN

A week turned into two, then into three.

I was doing some training with the Twins, with the excuse I had nothing else to do, and was perched on the edge of the ring when the outside door opened. The Twins stopped what they were doing and stared like horny teenagers. It had to be a pretty woman, then.

“Who’s the blondie?” Lincoln said with a low whistle.

“Damn,” Dean echoed, his jaw dropping open.

I frowned at the two knuckle heads before glancing over my shoulder to find Josie hovering in the doorway. Crap. I quit the coffee shop ages ago now and I never told her, let alone seen her in all that time. I couldn’t blame her for coming to find me at Beat. I mean, I hadn’t returned any of her calls or texts. I was such a bitch.

“That’s Josie,” I said to the Twins. “Hands off.”

“You know her?” Lincoln asked, his eyes lighting up.

Rolling my eyes, I crossed the mats to go and meet my friend, if I could still call her that.

“Renee Miller,” Josie declared, putting her hands on her hips. She was done up for work in a black tailored suit jacket and skirt, cream blouse and heels that made her legs look like they went on for days. I’d be jealous, but I had Ash.

“Hey,” I said, but she looked pissed and waved me off with a flick of her hand.

“You quit the coffee shop and you haven't been returning any of my calls or texts. What gives?”

“I-” I shrugged.

“Are you still fighting someplace?”

I grimaced, not knowing what to say. The one thing I knew best about Josie was when she wanted to find out something, she’d get it one way or another, even if she had to beat it out of her victim.

“You’re still fighting.” She gasped when I didn’t deny it. “Ren!”

I grasped her arm and yanked her unceremoniously into the gym. “Shhh!” I exclaimed. “They don’t know.”

“Why not? What’s the big secret?” As soon as the words left her mouth, her complexion started to pale. “Ren. It’s not-”

“Leave off.”

“It’s illegal? If Ash’s got you into something-”

“Josie,” I groaned. “He hasn’t done anything. It was all me. I wanted to go and I wanted to fight.”

“It can’t be safe,” she argued. “Is there any safety or doctors or stuff at these things?”

“I’m not fighting in someone's garden shed,” I said, rolling my eyes.

“Then where?”

“It’s a proper set up,” I went on. “Referees and some rules…”

“Some rules?”

I shrugged.

“Ren, what would your Mum say?”

I narrowed my eyes. “She’d have a pink fit, but she’s not here.”

“Ren, I can’t believe you.” Josie crossed her arms over her chest and pouted. “Take me.”

I grimaced. “Take you?”

“Yeah. I’m not going to talk you out of this, so I want to go.”

“I don’t think-”

“You take me, Ren Miller, or I’ll go out there and tell everyone what you’re up to.”

I decided to call her bluff. “So? They could pretty much guess anyway.”

“Fine,” she huffed and went to walk out, but I grabbed her arm.

Dad already knew without me telling him, but the Twins…if they knew for sure, they’d chain me to a chair to stop me from going, then kneecap Ash for allowing it.

“I’ll take you, but it’s not a nice place, Josie.”

“Then why do you go?”

I didn’t know how to describe the need that simmered in my veins at the thought of fighting. It wasn’t the normal thing people said they were good at and wanted to do for a living. Be a fighter. The social norm was a nurse, a doctor, a teacher or a boring shop manager. There was no pigeon hole for me and the things I wanted to do.

“Why don’t you fight someplace with rules and regulations,” Josie went on. “You could win a proper trophy. National Championships…fuck, the Olympics. You could try and get on the Australian team.”

“I’m not good enough,” I said.

“How do you know?” she complained. “Has your Dad seen you fight? I guess Ash has. What does he say?”

“It’s not that simple, Josie. That place…” I shrugged. The lack of rules should scare me, and in some ways they did, but it was the lack of them that set me free. End of story. What would going pro get me, other than attention from my Dad? Not the things I needed. Who said I would be able to make it anyway?

“Then take me, Ren. Help me understand.” She sighed and rubbed my arm. “I’m your friend, or at least I hope I still am…”

“Oh, fuck, Josie…” I cried. “I didn’t mean... Shit, I’m a terrible friend.”

“I know, sweetie,” she replied, trying to keep a straight face. “You’re in your man-cave.”

I started to laugh, the tension lifting from my shoulders.

“You really want to come?” I asked, raising my eyebrows.

“Yeah.” She puffed out her chest, trying to look all tough, but it only made her look cuter. “You think I can’t handle it?”

Josie and The Underground? The two didn’t seem to mix, what with her impeccable appearance and sculptured blonde hair. She’d be led astray by the first good looking fighter to cross her path. Anyway, it wasn’t any secret that Josie had the biggest balls out there and if she stuck with me and Ash, then she’d be fine.

“I know you can handle it,” I replied. “But I’m not sure they can handle you.”

“Hey!” Josie slapped me lightly on the arm.

“I don’t know if Ash will like it.”

“Oh, fuck Ash.”

“Only if Ren’s the one on my dick.”

I choked on my own spit as I turned and thumped Ash on the chest. He’d appeared out of thin air, pulling out his old creeper trick.

“Too much information,” Josie said, rolling her eyes.

“What are you talking about?” he asked, but from the look on his face, I suspected he already knew.

“Josie wants to go to The Underground,” I said, raising my eyebrows at her.

“The fuck she is,” he growled.

“Told you,” I said to Josie.

“Who are you, my Dad?” she declared, crossing her arms over her chest. “I’m a fucking grown ass woman.”

Ash eyed her with a clear expression and then glanced at me.

“I told her,” I said. “She still wants to go.”

Ash grunted and walked off, clearly not into arguing about our secret night time shenanigans in the middle of Beat. Couldn’t blame him.

“He’s a riot,” Josie said. “Is he always that difficult, or is it the overabundance of testosterone?”

“He’s just protective,” I explained.

“Yeah, like a caveman.”

I snorted, covering my mouth.

“Luckily for you, he’s smoking hot.”

Laughing, I gave her a hug. “Come back at eight after everyone’s left and we’ll figure it out.”

Josie waved a finger at me as she backed of the gym. “No ditching me again, Ren Miller.”

Waving, I called out, “I won’t. I promise.”

Ash didn’t like it, but he grudgingly gave Josie and I a ride to The Underground that night. He never liked it, so nothing was new in that department.

As I put my name on the roster for that night, I watched Josie out of the corner of my eye. She stared wide eyed at the crowd, the cage, the bookies, and most of all, she stared at any guy with muscles that walked past.

“I can’t believe this is here,” she breathed, totally in awe. “And this is illegal?”

“Yep.”

“How can it be here and nobody’s reported it?”

“I guess they pay off the right people to look the other way.” A set up like this would certainly never go on this long without someone being in someone else’s pocket.

“Hardcore.”

I let out a laugh and linked my arm through hers, steering her through the crowd to the bleachers. Ash was fighting one of the first bouts and I wanted to get a good spot. Hardcore was a fucking awesome word to describe this place, but it needed an adjective like epic, mega or extreme.

I sat Josie at the front and plopped down next to her, taking in the crowd for the night. It didn’t actually vary much from night to night, it was always crammed and hot, music blaring between fights and full of all kinds of unsavory people.

“There’s a lot of…fake people here,” Josie said, watching a pair of cheerleader types with fake boobs and orange tan strut by.

I groaned. “I know. Someone should tell them there’s a fine line between bronze and orange.”

“I’ll say.” Josie snorted. “So who’s winning? I assume there’s a league with points involved.”

“Yeah. A woman named Blaze is leader in the women’s. Ash is on top of the men's.”

“Ash is on top?”

“Yep.”

“What does he win if he, you know, wins?”

“A million dollars.”

“A million bucks?” Josie said, her eyes wide.

“It’s big bucks here,” I replied. “Serious bling gets thrown around. A lot of people have a lot of cash riding on this thing.”

“I’ll fucking say. No wonder you quit the coffee shop.”

“I win a little,” I said with a shrug. “Nothing big like that.”

Josie turned round, her gaze taking in every square inch of The Underground. Vetting it, no doubt.

“Who’s that mean looking bitch that keeps giving you the stink eye?” she asked. “Over on the next bank of seats.”

Trying to be all covert, I glanced up just as Rogue glanced away.

“That’s Rogue,” I replied.

“Rogue?” Josie scoffed. “Seriously? Is she one of the X-men?”

Covering my mouth to hide a laugh, I said, “She was the darling of the cage until I showed up on my first night.”

Josie’s mouth fell open. “You beat her? On your first try?”

“Fair and square, but that doesn’t seem to fly in these parts.”

“She looks like she wants to skewer you.”

I grinned. “Hasn’t managed to do it yet.”

“Seriously, is that her real name?”

I shook my head, knowing exactly how silly it sounded. “No.”

“Do you have a name?”

“Reign of Terror.”

Josie started laughing, holding her stomach. A few people glanced at us, but when they saw me, they busied themselves elsewhere.

“I didn’t pick it, smart ass,” I said, elbowing her. “The referee gave it to me. I’m stuck with it now.”

“Why do they have stupid names like that? Ash doesn’t have one.”

“He doesn’t need it,” I replied. “Some people here don’t want their real names bandied about. For good reason, I bet.”

“Oh,” Josie said, eyeing a fighter that was walking past. “I guess you’re right.”

“Reign.”

We glanced up as one of the referees came up and tapped the bleacher in front of us. “You’re up after this next lot. Fifteen tops.”

Nodding, I replied, “Got it.” I’d miss Ash’s fight, but he didn’t need a lucky charm.

“Shit,” Josie said. “Are you ready? Who are you fighting?”

I shrugged. “I haven’t checked the board, but from the way Rogue has been eyeing me all night, I’m guessing they drew me with her.”

“Oh, fuck. Are you worried?”

“Nope. She won’t make it easy this time, but I’m ready.” I nodded toward the cage. “Ash is up next. Keep an eye on him for me?”

“Sure. But I don’t think he’ll need the likes of me looking out for him.”

Smiling, I said, “Don’t run off with any degenerates while I’m gone, okay?”

“Can’t make any promises,” she replied with a wink.

Waving, I sauntered off to the change rooms to prepare myself for my fight. Checking the board on my way past, I saw that I was right in assuming I’d be up against Rogue. Glancing at the bookie’s boards, my odds had gone down to four to one. Not bad. Rouge’s had dropped from three to one to five to one. That had to hurt.

All eyes trained on to me as I entered the fighter only area. I didn’t have to talk to anyone to know exactly what they were thinking. Was I going to KO Rogue again? I didn’t know, but I was sure as fuck going to try. I didn’t want to be that one hit wonder, the fighter who got lucky once on her debut and never scored again.

“You’re mine,” Rogue spat, slamming her shoulder into mine as she passed. I stumbled back a step, dropping my roll of bandages. She was a bully, plain and simple, and bullies didn’t like being beaten.

“Save it for the cage,” I said blandly, bending over to pick up the bandages.

Not bothering to even glance at her, I made my way back out into the arena as they were getting the floor ready for the next round. Ash came bounding up to me, high on adrenalin, and I didn’t have to ask him if he’d won or not.

He planted a kiss on my lips, a hand curling around my ponytail and tugging hard. Our tongues danced for a sweet moment before he drew back and smiled.

“You gunna serve Rogue her ass again?” he asked.

I shrugged, totally swooning at his sudden burst of playfulness. Things were good. Finally, I felt like smiling.

“You won, I assume?” I asked instead.

He stroked his fingers through the length of my ponytail and puffed out his chest. “Of course.”

I gestured to Josie, who was watching our exchange with a smug look on her face. “Look after Josie for me while I’m in there?”

Ash glanced up and grimaced. “Sure.”

“Put a shirt on first. I’m afraid she might lick you.”

He cupped my face in a sweaty hand and kissed my forehead. “You got it, Spitfire.”

As the announcer called out our names to the crowd, Rogue pushed past me again and stepped into the cage like she owned the entire joint. She was cocky and overly sure of herself. This would either be the hardest fight I’d ever been in, or the easiest.

Stepping in behind her, the cage door was secured and locked and it was just me, her and two referees. Rogue toed her line and glared at me with the fire of a thousand suns. Man, she was a ball of fury and all of it was aimed at me.

Remembering what Ash told me about letting anger rule me in the cage, I took a deep breath as the referee held up his arm. Rogue was letting her rage control her mind. This I could use.

There was a shrill whistle as the bout began and no sooner than the ref had gotten out of the way, Rogue came forward swinging with a guttural scream. Leaning backwards, I felt a gust of air as she missed my face by what felt like a millimeter. While I was distracted and off balance, she kicked out and her foot connected with my knee, making it collapse from underneath my body.

I felt to the mat awkwardly, pain shooting up my leg. Rolling to the side, Rogue’s knee missed as she came down with the full force of her body behind her. She landed on the mat hard, crying out as she jarred her knee against the hard surface.

Taking advantage, I scrambled to my feet and shoved her face forward onto the mat, pushing a knee into her lower back. Wriggling out of my hold we fell onto the floor and wrestled until I managed to fist my hand into her hair. I smacked her head into the mat with as much force as I could muster. I felt the shockwave through my arm and let go, scrambling back as the crowd roared my name.

Shit, I’d hurt people in the cage before, but not like that. Not so brutally.

Rogue moaned and struggled to her feet, swaying from side to side. Sweat and blood poured from her brow as she staggered forward, her fists up in the guard position. I could end this with one perfectly aimed blow.

She was so out of it that when I came forward on the attack, she was too sluggish to counter properly. My fist slammed into her temple and her head snapped back.

For one sickening moment, she looked like she was about to fall, but she steadied herself and let out a growl. The crowd held its breath as we all thought the same thing. She was slipping.

Rogue’s head lolled back and forth as she tried to hold on to consciousness. The crowd started thumping their feet on the bleachers as her eyes began to roll into the back of her head. When her body slammed into the mats, totally limp, they went wild.

I was well and truly in the shit now.

33

ASH

Fuck. Ren KO’d Rogue. Again.

I’d usually laugh at that shit, but that would be like rubbing salt into an open wound.

Scanning the crowd as the ref spun my Spitfire around in the ring, I caught sight of the ugly fuck I was looking for almost instantly. He did not look happy. Hammer slammed his fists against the bleachers and his gaze raked the crowd. When it found mine, he jabbed a finger toward me, the warning plain in his crazy ass expression. Sore fucking loser.

I made a note to keep an eye on him and his ugly ass until the Championship bout. There were still two rounds to go, but it was clearly me and him. I wouldn’t put it past the fucker to try something. And shit, Ren just kept kicking them square in the balls.

I wasn’t sure if I should be proud or making her rein it in.

“Ren is a machine,” Josie exclaimed beside me, drawing my attention back to the cage.

I never knew Ren had a friend outside of Beat. The more I thought about it, the more it made me sound like a total asshole. Of course she had friends. She did work at that cafe around the corner, so it was inevitable, right? Ren was stunning, fierce, a real firecracker...of course she had friends.

I watched Josie staring at Ren as she exited the cage, her eyes like saucers. It was clear she was out of her comfort zone. She was this together, uptight, corporate woman. The Underground wasn't a place for a woman like her.

“What are you fucking looking at?” Josie hissed when she realized I was staring at her.

“What's your fuckin' problem?” I drawled.

“You,” she replied.

“What the fuck did I do?”

“You let her come here and get the shit beat out of her, that’s what!”

I stared at Josie and grimaced. Yeah, but Ren fought me until she was blue in the face. I still didn’t want her to be here, but who could fight that Spitfire when she wanted something? Not even me.

“She fuckin' won,” I said, rolling my eyes.

“She's not a bloody beefcake Rambo wannabe,” she went on, oblivious to the crowd around us. “She's not a steamroller like you. You mow everyone down like it's nothing. Ren has to work for it like everyone else and when you work like that, you get hurt. Ren’s not untouchable. As far as I'm concerned it's your fault.”

I narrowed my eyes, starting to get annoyed. Never in my entire fuckin’ life…

“You hurt her, and I’ll rip your balls off,” she said, jabbing a finger at me.

I gritted my teeth, trying to rein it in because she was Ren's fuckin' friend, but when it came to me hurting my Spitfire...she'd messed with the wrong guy.

“I’d fuckin’ die for her,” I hissed. “I didn't want her to come here. I-” Turning away, I ran a hand over my face.

Josie was staring at me open-mouthed. “You love her, don't you?”

Catching sight of Ren weaving her way toward us, I hissed, “Shut up.”

“So fucking jealous.”

I raised my eyebrows. Fucking women.

Ren reached us just as we were exchanging a less than pleasant look.

“You’re not arguing are you?” she asked, glancing between us.

“I was worried he was a douche,” Josie declared.

“And what's the verdict now?” Ren asked, her eyes sparkling with amusement.

I glared at Josie, my way of warning her to keep her smart comments to herself, but she just flicked her hand at me.

“He's okay,” she said, dismissing our little spat like it was nothing.

“Just okay?” Ren replied, but I started to fade, my thoughts taking me from their conversation.

Did I love Ren? Could I love her? Is that what this thing was? Every time I saw her, my heart did this…thing. I didn’t know what the fuck it was, but it hurt. I wanted to protect her, keep her safe from this place, from anyone that would see her harmed. I wanted to keep her for myself.

Then every time I thought about her, my cock stirred and all I could think about was fucking her perfect pussy stupid. Tasting, biting, licking. Fucking her from behind, up against the wall and ploughing into her with reckless abandonment. Sweat, fighting, sex.

Was that love?

“Hey,” Ren whispered, nudging me with her shoulder. “You okay?”

Rubbing my chin, I nodded. “Yeah.”

“Where were you just then?”

I didn’t know how to tell her that I was trying to come to terms with all the things I felt for her, so I just said, “My cock. Your pussy.”

Her lips curved into a grin, then she was laughing, her whole face lighting up. She was so fucking beautiful.

Leaning over so Josie wouldn’t hear, she whispered, “How about...your cock. My mouth.”

Cue instant boner. My eyes widened as a vision of Ren on her knees with hollowed cheeks slammed into my brain. It was the only thing I could see and I nodded, leaning in for a kiss. My cock in her hot, wet mouth. Fuck, yes.

“Yeah?” I brushed my lips against hers.

“I thought you’d like that.”

Rubbing a hand over Ren’s thigh, I glanced at Josie who was staring at Hamish, aka Goblin, with wide eyes. That was lust if I ever saw it.

“Let’s go back to Beat,” I said. “And take her home before she gets knocked up.”

“Hey,” Josie exclaimed. “I heard that.”

Ren laughed at her friend and squeezed my hand. “He’s right you know,” she said. “You’re foaming at the mouth.”

“Oh, fuck you,” she said, trying not to laugh. Standing with a dramatic sigh, she stormed off down the stairs, parting the crowd as she went.

“That’s a bit dramatic,” I drawled.

“That’s Josie,” Ren replied.

“You’re really close?”

She frowned at me. “I do have friends outside of Beat.”

“I figured.”

“Oh, you’re such an asshole,” she said, her lips quirking.

“Does that mean I’m not getting head later?”

Ren just laughed, following her friend through the crowd.

Catching up to my Spitfire, I leaned over and nipped at her ear. “The moment that door closes and we’re alone, you’re delivering, Spitfire.”

She glanced up at me, her face flushed. “Can’t fucking wait.”

34

REN

The Underground was pumping.

Something was in the air and even I could feel it, pinging against my skin like little crackles of static electricity.

Josie had declined on coming again, and just as well. I wasn’t going to let her back here. Not after beating the shit out of Rogue again. I’d never forgive myself if something happened to my bright and optimistic friend because of something I did in the ring.

“Watch Rogue,” Ash said as we weaved through the crowd to get ready for the night’s bouts. “You beat her scrag ass two times in a row. She’s going to try something.”

“I know,” I replied. “All eyes open, Maverick.”

I helped him get ready for his first fight of the night, bandaging his hands, rubbing his muscles, kissing him for luck. He didn’t need it, but I would’ve kissed him anyway. While he was there all of my worries seemed to fade away, but the moment he was gone, I felt eyes on my back, burning little holes into me…warning what was coming. Because something was coming.

Ash went out for his bout and I busied myself stretching and bandaging up my hands for my own bout later on. I could hear the roar of the crowd as he went through the motions. Not being there to watch him fight didn’t bother me as much anymore. I had complete faith in his ability, although I loved watching his body move as he dominated in the ring. My thoughts inevitably went to that first night we’d had sex on the floor at Beat, his body over mine, our eyes locking in the mirror. I almost had to fan myself and I bounced on my heels shaking my arms out. Fuck, now I was horny for hot animal sex. Damn, I loved watching his body, in more ways than one.

Glancing up, I saw a male fighter watching me. I recognized him from a few fights I’d watched, but I couldn’t remember if he’d met Ash in the cage before. I looked over his physique and he grinned slyly at me.

Rolling my eyes, I turned away. Best not give him the wrong idea.

The fighter sidled up to me and before I could step away, a big hand clamped down on my ass and squeezed.

“Hey,” I cried. “Fuck off, asshole.”

“That’s no way to speak,” he growled, trying to palm my other ass cheek. “I saw you lookin’.”

“That’s no way to treat a fucking woman,” I retorted, turning and shoving his hands away. “I wasn’t looking at you like that, asshole.”

Suddenly it hit me where I’d seen him before. He was a part of Hammer and Rogue’s posse. Was this her revenge? Getting some guy to come in here, wait Ash out, and try it on with me? Try or force?

He stepped into my personal space, crowding me back into the lockers. My back pressed into the cold metal as he shoved his groin into my thigh. Okay, force.

I shoved him hard in the chest with the flats of my palms and he backed off a step. I went to move away, but he wasn’t done with me yet. Glancing around the change room, I suddenly realized it had emptied out. Fuck. Shit. Ass. They’d planned it.

The fighter pushed me back against the lockers, using the empty room to his advantage, but I was having none of it. Just because I was winning fair and square and they had their jocks in a twist over it did not give them the right to fuck with a woman like this. Not me, not anyone.

With a growl, I kneed the fucker in the nuts making him double over, right at the same moment that Ash walked in and witnessed the entire scene.

I shoved the fighter off me as he grasped his balls, his face turning red, but Ash strode up and grabbed him by the scruff of the neck, slamming him head first into the locker, a wild look in his eyes.

Fuck.

The guy stumbled back, blinking hard and all hell broke loose. I stumbled out of the way as another two fighters came up from behind and launched themselves on Ash, holding his arms. He’d done nothing wrong, he was just trying to protect me, but here there were no boundaries.

“Get the fuck off of him,” I screamed at them, but the guy who’d tried it on with me, stood to his full height and pounded a fist into Ash’s stomach, making him double over, air whooshing from his lungs.

“Assholes,” I screamed beating uselessly at the closest man. He was too heavy for me to even make a dint.

The fighter who'd rubbed his cock against me, shoved me back into the lockers and Ash struggled harder, trying to break free.

“Don't fucking touch her,” he roared, but the only the answer he got was another fist, this time connecting with his left cheekbone.

There was a shrill whistle as a group of referees and security poured into the room, brawn overpowering brawn, separating the fray.

Shit, an epic fighter brawl over me? What had I gotten myself into?

“Enough!” The head referee walked into the middle of the room, his voice thundering in the now silent room. “You fucks know the rules. No fighting outside of the cage. If this goes on, every single one of you will be disqualified. I don’t give a flying fuck who you are or how much money you’ve got riding on your bout. You fight outside the cage and you’re done. Got it?”

There were a few grumbles and sideward glances aimed at Ash and I, like it was our fucking fault.

“Did he hurt you?” Ash asked, winding an arm around me. I felt the tension still coiled in his muscles and I knew he wasn’t going to let this go. Not easily anyway and that kind of frightened me a little.

I shook my head. “I deflated his balls. If you hadn’t come along, his eyes would’ve followed.”

“You shouldn’t have to fucking do that,” Ash growled, his fingers biting into my skin.

“No, but it’s done.”

“Fuck that.”

I grabbed his face in my hand and made him look at me. His eyes were dark, which was bad news. “Ash, don’t do anything to fuck up your Championship. Not over me.”

“Fuck the Championship,” he spat. “I don’t give a fuck. I’ve told you before. I don’t fight for the money.”

“Well, then leave whatever this is,” I held a hand over his heart, “to the cage. Okay?”

Ash searched my gaze for a moment, the noise around us falling away. After a moment of silent deliberation, he nodded.

Sometimes the thought of what was going through Maverick’s head scared me.

“Promise me,” I said.

Grinding his jaw, he leaned his forehead against mine. “I promise.”

I was nervous every time Ash went into the ring, but tonight, I was more than that. I was afraid.

I sat on the sidelines as my Maverick entered the cage for his last fight of the night. To add insult to injury, it was the douche bag who’d tried to force himself on me in the locker room only thirty minutes before.

As Ash turned around in the ring, eyeing the crowd, he looked ready to snap. He sure as hell was saving it for the cage and who knew how this bout would end. The two men said something to one another and from the tight expressions on both their faces, it wasn’t anything good.

I’d seen Ash fight so many times now, and each and every one saw him raw and powerful, totally dominating all of his opponents. He had a control and precision that was still present even when he gave himself over to the beast within. This time, even I could see something was different. If I hadn’t witnessed his wrath before, I would’ve said he was amped up for the fight, but that wasn’t the right way to describe it. Ash was a ball of fury and he was just waiting for the chance to pay it back a million fold.

As the bout began and the crowd roared, they didn’t waste any time going for each other. The other guy lunged, his fist going for Ash’s jaw, but at the last moment, Ash ducked and rammed a shoulder into the guy’s stomach. With a cry, Ash shoved him back into the cage, making the whole structure rattle. Maverick kneed the other guy in the groin and then in the face, blood starting to drip from the fighter’s nose.

The crowd started to work themselves into a frenzy and I had to stand up on the bleacher to get a better look. Bodies surged in front of me, my usual clear vantage point obscured by heads and arms and my heart pounded. I couldn’t see what was going on.

I could hear the smacks of flesh hitting flesh and male grunting, but who was hitting who, I didn’t have a fucking clue. Shoving through the mass of people, I tried to get to the edge of the cage, elbowing anyone who didn’t move.

It was utter chaos. People crowded the walkways, the few security guards that were there were trying to shove people back, but nobody was budging. I sandwiched myself through any space I could shimmy into and it felt like an age before I felt wire around my fingers.

The moment I reached the chain link was the moment I saw Ash straddling the other fighter on the ground, a feral look on his face, his fists pounding into the guy over and over, the wet smacking sound of flesh hitting something wet piercing through the roar around me. Something wet…blood. There was so much fucking blood.

The cage door was hauled open and three heavy security guards and all the referees in the ring piled on top of Ash, pulling him out of his frenzy and away from the other fighter.

He’d snapped. Ash’d fucking snapped. Totally and completely.

The crowd fell silent as they pulled my Maverick off the guy’s inert body. He wasn’t moving.

Ash shoved the referees away and circled the cage like a hungry lion, his torso and hands splattered with blood. He did this for me. He did it for me. Realizing for the first time the real lengths he would go to protect me, my heart thumped painfully in my chest. I was going to pass out. Fuck, what if he’d fucking killed the guy… When I said sort it out in the cage, I didn’t mean…

The full extent of what The Underground really was started to hit home.

When Ash came around, he saw me pressed against the cage and stopped in front of me. Breathing heavily, I curled my fingers through the chain link, staring at him and falling inch by inch into shock.

He brought his hands up and curled his fingers over mine, making the people around me sink back, finally giving me some breathing space. I fought the urge to do the same, and stared into Ash’s eyes, willing him to come back.

He’d gone too far. Way too far.

The head referee came up behind Ash and put a hand on his shoulder, breaking the spell between us. He blinked hard and turned and I did the same.

Fuck. Just…fuck.

I watched wide eyed as they hauled the other guy out on a stretcher, the crowd craning their necks to get a better look. I was desperate to know if he was still alive, if he was going to make it, but I couldn’t tell. He wasn’t moving and the paramedics were stony faced.

The crowd parted with a hushed gasp as the cage door was kicked open yet again and Ash strode through, being led off to the change rooms out back. Not heeding the whispers and stares around me, I followed, pushing people out of the way.

He was going to get kicked out, wasn’t he? Kicked out of a Championship again. And that guy. What the fuck would happen if he died?

As I barged into the change room, weaving my way through the legs of several bouncers, a referee grabbed my arm and I spun to give him a serve.

“Calm down, Reign,” he said.

It was the guy from my first night. The guy who’d given me my stupid fighter name.

“I can’t calm down,” I replied. “Did you see what just happened?”

“I saw it, alright.” He worried his jaw. “Never in my life…”

“Is he- The other guy-” I began and the referee shrugged.

“He’s going to live, but it might not be pretty.”

Fuck. I sunk down onto the bench and took heaving gulps of air.

“Fuller,” the head referee roared, crashing through the line of security at the door.

Ash spun on his heel, looking like a beast covered in another man’s blood. “What.”

“Accidents happen, but you do not go into that ring with the intent to murder, Fuller. You got me?”

Murder. The word slammed home and for the first time I wondered if he could actually be capable of… No, not Ash. I couldn’t believe it.

Ash shoved the ref off him, clearly still agitated. “I got it.”

“Step out of line again and you’re out. No second chances.” The referee glanced at me with a warning glare and strode out of the room to help calm the chaos outside.

Two strides took me within hitting distance and I raised my had to slap some sense into the stupid meathead that was my boyfriend. Boyfriend. That seemed like a stupid way to describe what we were.

Ash caught my wrist before my palm could connect with his cheek.

“I protect what is mine, Ren, and you are mine.”

I shoved him off me. “To the point of beating the guy to death?”

He nodded. “If that’s what it takes.”

“Are you hearing yourself right now?” I exclaimed. “There’s a line, Ash. You fucking crossed it.”

“I warned them,” he roared, turning his anger onto me. “I warned them and they didn’t listen. This is what happens when you push me, Ren.”

“You’re not fucking god,” I yelled. “You don’t have final say to who lives or dies.”

“You wanted him to fuck you? You wanted him to hurt you, Ren, because that’s what he would’ve done.” I flinched, but he wasn’t anywhere close to being done. “They know the price for fucking with what’s mine. They know I will kill them if they try. That was me delivering on my promise.”

What the hell had I gotten myself into? I was falling in love with a beast…a monster.

I stared at him, not knowing what to do. That day at Beat when he lost it the first time was mild, it was easy to calm him down, but now? It was my fault, wasn’t it? If I didn’t come to The Underground, if I didn’t give into my lust, then we wouldn’t be here right now. Even as I thought it, I knew it wouldn’t matter one way or the other. Ash was a ticking time bomb. He would’ve gone off with or without me in his life.

“Don’t,” I whispered. “Don’t say those things.”

“What things? The truth?”

I stumbled back a step, confused. Should I be afraid? Angry? I was caught in a web of I don’t know fucking what.

“Fuck, Ren.” He ran a hand over his face, his expression beginning to soften. “I didn’t mean to scare you. Fuck.” He let out an awful wail and banged his head into the lockers.

“You can’t go around and just beat people up because they did something fucked up,” I said. “It doesn’t make it right.”

“I can’t control it,” he whispered. “It’s there, inside me, and I don’t know how to stop it.”

I frowned, my limbs starting to lose some of their tension. I didn’t know how to control it either. He seemed to understand what he was doing was wrong, he’d given me enough advice, but when it came to a solution? I didn’t fucking know either.

Reaching out for him, I ran my fingers down the muscles of his arm before tangling my fingers with his. “I don’t know either,” I murmured. “But let’s start with a shower, huh?”

“Ren,” he whispered hoarsely. “I’m sorry.”

“I know.”

“When I saw him-”

“I know.”

“It fucking kills me watching you fight,” he murmured, stroking his fingers through my hair. “Watching you take punches.”

“Now you know how I feel.”

He laughed, a deep rumble blooming in his chest.

I cocked my head to the side.

He moved to take my mouth with his. “Shower.”

“But-” I began to protest.

“They won’t let anyone back here,” he said, walking me back towards the stall at the rear.

I didn’t really have a choice as he dumped me in the shower and turned the water on. We washed together, this time I took care of him, cleansing his skin of his display of fury in the cage. Then I took care of his cock, relieving another kind of tension.

Shit, we had a lot to talk about, but I didn’t even know how I was going to broach the subject.

Ash couldn’t go on like this…and neither could I.

35

REN

The next day, Ash prowled around Beat, his shoulders heavy with something I didn’t understand.

I didn’t understand because he wouldn’t talk to me about what happened in the cage. He’d had his way with me in the shower at The Underground, then we’d come back to Beat and fucked some more, then fell asleep in my closet. There was no time for talking other than the dirty things he whispered into my ear that got him off. He was using sex as a distraction again and this time I let him. I didn’t want to admit it, but I welcomed the change of thought patterns.

Seeing Ash like that…I never wanted to see him break again. I made myself a promise the moment I woke up in his arms that morning. I wouldn’t give up on him. I’d do whatever I could to help him come to terms with whatever made him so angry. That was a promise I kept to myself and would bring up at another time. Right now though, Ash was still in his dark place.

We hadn’t heard from anyone at The Underground. I made the head referee take our numbers to call and let us know about the other guy. If he was going to live…or die. He’d been hurt pretty bad and sometimes people didn’t wake up after a beating like that. They just pulled the plug.

“What’s up with Fuller?” Dean asked, sitting beside me on the bench. “Did something happen?”

“It’s complicated,” I replied. He didn’t need to know. I couldn’t come clean about what we were going through, not without revealing what we did practically every night.

“If he’s hurt you, Ren-”

I held up a hand to stop him. “It’s complicated, but he hasn’t hurt me.” My subconscious was about to add, yet, but I stopped my lips from following through. That was the risk I ran by standing beside Ash, wasn’t it? That he might accidentally hurt me? Thinking about the way I felt about him, it was glaringly obvious what I should do. I’d made a promise and I was sticking to it.

He wouldn’t abandon me and I wouldn’t abandon him. We were in tune. We belonged together.

There was a muffled ringing and Ash snapped to attention, totally oblivious that I was sitting there with Dean. He rustled through his gym bag and snatched out his mobile phone, pressing a big thumb against the screen.

“Yeah?” he barked into it. He saw me staring and turned his back, walking across the mats to the empty gym.

Snorting, I leaned my elbows against my knees and rubbed my eyes.

“Are you sure, Ren? It looks like something big is going down.”

“It’s fine, Dean. It’s not my place to discuss Ash’s business.” It was mine as well, but something like this becoming public knowledge…the life of a man he may or may not have taken…Dean didn’t need to know about that.

“Okay,” he said with a sigh. “You know we’re-”

“Yeah, yeah.” I waved him off. “I appreciate it.”

He put his hand on my back and rubbed before standing and going back to pick up his set on the bags.

I glanced up and watched Ash talking on his phone through the window. He was waving his hand, clearly worked up about something. I hoped it was good news and he was just getting a tongue lashing from the referees. If he got kicked out of a championship again…I wasn’t sure how that would go down. I wasn’t sure how it went the first time. There were so many things that Ash hadn’t confided in me.

He hung up the call and stared at his phone for a full minute before coming back out into the studio. Standing, I went to meet him halfway, desperate to find out if the news was good or fucking terrible.

“Was that?” I asked, coming up beside him.

“He’s going to be fine,” Ash said, shoving his phone into his bag.

I let out a whoosh of air, the relief almost overwhelming me.

Ash grunted and picked up his bag and went to stalk off to the showers.

“Ash,” I called after him.

He didn’t reply as he kept walking, disappearing into the back. I got that he was worked up about it, but did he even feel remorseful? That’s what set apart the monsters from the humans, wasn’t it? Ash wasn’t a monster. He had his issues, but I’d help him. I’d-

“Trouble in paradise?”

My head snapped up as Monica sauntered past me in a waft of some disgusting flowery perfume.

I glared at her. “You’d fucking love that, wouldn’t you?”

“Of course,” she declared, smiling sweetly.

“Keep your filthy fucking hands off of him,” I snarled, anger rising hot and hard in my chest. Maybe I understood more about what Ash went through last night more than I wanted to believe.

“I’d like to see you try, Ren,” Monica said, flicking her hair over her shoulder. “One day Ash won’t be here to save you and then where will you be? Fucked.”

I stepped forward, my fists balled against my side and a thick arm wound around my waist.

“It’s not worth it, Ren,” Lincoln said into my ear. “She’s just trying to piss you off.”

Monica laughed. “And it’s working, too.”

“Bitch,” I spat. “What the fuck did I ever do to you? You can’t make someone love you. Fuck, you can’t even pay someone enough to love you.”

Her eyes darkened and her smug smile fell from her ugly-beautiful face. “What did you do to me?” she scoffed. “You really want to know?”

“Ren, don’t feed the beast,” Lincoln said, trying to haul me away.

Monica wasn’t even close to finishing. “You took everything that was mine. You want me to make a list for you, Ren?”

I took everything from her? No fucking way. She had a family who wanted her, a family who didn’t stuff her in the closet like a dirty little secret. She was doted on and loved. She was loved by everyone…just not by the man she wanted to give herself to. Ash. This was about Ash.

“He’s mine,” I snarled. “Lay one finger on me or him and I will fucking cut you.”

“You think I’m scared of you?” she asked, looking me up and down. “You’re a fucking animal.”

I struggled against Lincoln’s arms, letting out a roar.

“Fuck, leave it, Ren!” Lincoln exclaimed, using his entire strength against me.

“What the fuck is going on?” Ash exclaimed, coming out to see what all the noise was about.

“Your girl’s got some strength in her, Fuller,” Lincoln said as Ash took me from him.

“Fucking psycho,” Monica drawled, stalking off.

Ash glanced down at me as I seethed, the question plain in his eyes. “What was that about?”

“The fucking usual,” I hissed, wriggling out of his grasp.

“You got her, man?” Lincoln asked and Ash nodded.

As he wandered off to join his startled looking brother, I ran my hands over my face.

“You think I’m over protective?” Ash murmured into my hair.

“Don’t say it, Maverick.”

“Say what?”

“I told you so.”

“Didn’t say a fuckin’ thing, Spitfire.”

Grunting, I pushed away, shaking out my trembling limbs. I needed a bloody cold shower, is what I needed.

“It turns me on,” Ash said with a grin.

“What?”

“You, protecting me like a fuckin’ lioness.”

“You and your fucking animal references,” I groaned.

“I like animal sex.”

“Who said anything about sex?” I asked, staring to get worked up for another reason.

“It’s all you think about.”

I slapped his chest. “Is not.” My lips started to curl into a smile. It had been such a fucked up day on so many levels. It was going to be okay. Everything was going to work out fine.

“I have to go do something after we finish today,” Ash said suddenly.

My ears pricked up in interest. “What?”

He shrugged. “Just some stuff I’ve gotta take care of.”

“What about tonight? I don’t think we should-”

He pressed his body against mine, placing a thick finger over my lips. “We can stay here tonight and train, fuck, talk, whatever you want to do. Just us.”

I sighed, melting against him. All he had to do was press his cock against me and I was a goner. Cheeky fucker.

“I’ve got this one thing to do,” he murmured, “then I’ll be back.”

“Okay,” I whispered, leaning up to kiss him on the lips, selfishly hoping Monica was getting an eyeful of our public display.

His tongue slid against mine in one long stroke and he drew back, running a thumb up and down my cheek.

“You’re somethin’ else, Ren Miller.”

I supposed that was as good as I was going to get any time soon, so I smiled, pinching him on the ass. “Cocky bastard.”

“Sounds about right.” He laughed and let me go, picking up his gym bag.

I watched him disappear out the door and at the last moment, he stuck his head in and said, “I want you there again.”

He pointed to the mat where we’d fucked that very first time like animals and I laughed.

“You better deliver then, Maverick.”

He wiggled his eyebrows up and down with a suggestive smirk, and then he was gone.

36

REN

Ash was late. He was never late.

But then again, we’d hardly been apart since the night he’d finally confessed his feelings. Confessed from behind. I snorted at the irony and pulled my gloves on and flexed my fingers.

Beat had closed over two hours ago and whatever Ash had gone to do had me scratching my head. Whatever it was, it was either really bad news or something epically boring.

As inseparable as we were, I kind of enjoyed this time alone. It took me back to the first few weeks at Beat, when it was my time and place to explore myself without the pressures of Dad, Monica or the Twins looking over my shoulder. I’d replaced it with Ash and the din of The Underground in the past few weeks and along the way had forgotten what silence felt like.

Seriously, where had Ash gone? All the worst case scenarios worked their way through my mind. He was getting tired of me, he’d gone to fight without me in tow, he’d found someone else to fuck on the side… Shit. I was being paranoid. Ash wouldn’t abandon me like that. He knew how I felt about being left alone.

Sighing, I turned to the nearest punching bag and focused my wandering thoughts. Deciding to trust Ash, I lost myself to the repetitions, my fists and shins hitting the bag with a satisfying slap. He’d tell me whatever it was when he got back. We didn’t have to go everywhere together and seriously, that whole trust thing we’d been trying to build would mean shit if I started to get jealous over something as small as this. There was no way in the universe that Ash Fuller was cheating. The idea seemed ridiculous.

I saw the shadow behind me a little too late. A hand clamped down over my mouth, stifling my screams, and I kicked out, trying to connect with flesh. It was no use, of course. I was held in a grip of pure steel, squashed against the chest of a tall, muscled man. Glancing into the mirror, terror began to claim me.

Hammer.

He smirked in glee at having caught me unawares and rubbed his slimy cock into my ass.

“Happy to see me, little girl?” he growled into my ear. “I’m going to fuck you like the whore you are, then I’m going to break both your fucking legs.”

My blood ran cold and all the training I’d been through seemed to dissolve into nothing but fear.

What should I do, what should I do, what should I do…

He knew the alarm code and he had a key. That could only mean one thing. Monica was in on it. This was the chance she’d been waiting for all these months. She just didn’t want me gone, she wanted me broken, beaten, dirty. Ash wouldn’t want me after Hammer was through.

He slammed me face forward against the mirror, my head cracking against the glass. Stars shot through my vision as a big hand tried to pull down my shorts.

“No,” I screeched, trying to kick and punch. My fist connected with his eye and he cried out, his grip loosening.

It was my chance, so I twisted out of his grasp and ran, trying to get distance between us, but he was too fast. I slammed face first into the mat as he shoved me from behind.

Then he was over me, holding my thrashing body in place with an arm across my lower back, ripping off my shorts and knickers. I tried to claw his arm, but hands clamped around my wrists, pinning them behind my back, my shoulders wrenching painfully.

God, it was going to end like this? In the place that was mine and Ash’s? The place we’d found each other?

Tears streamed down my face as Hammer spread my legs. I was totally at his mercy. I was this tough fighter, I should be able to fight him, I should be able to get out of this…

Ash? Where are you?

All that training, all those classes, all those fights…it didn’t mean anything. I wasn’t strong enough. I wasn’t- A finger slid between my legs and I let out a wail, thrashing against Hammer’s grasp.

“I’m going to kill you,” I cried. “I’m going to kill you.”

“I don’t think so,” Hammer replied, removing his hand and fisting his repulsive cock. “Maybe you’ll do that to yourself. How do you think Fuller would like that?”

There was a shattering roar and suddenly Hammer was pulled off me and sent sprawling across the mats. I rolled away, my wild gaze falling onto a beast. Not just any beast. My beast.

Ash stood over us, his chest heaving, his eyes dark and vacant. My heart jackhammered in my chest as he stepped over me and went for Hammer with only one intent.

I knew the ending to this story before it even began.

The two men faced off as I scrambled out of the way, pulling my shorts back on. Hammer lunged, but Ash stepped forward and pounded his fist right into Hammer’s nose. He fell backwards onto the mat, dazed, and I stared on in shock. Ash had downed him with a single punch.

With a feral growl, Ash launched himself onto Hammer and his fist pounded into the fighter’s face, blood erupting from his nose and mouth. Ash drew back and punched again and again, the sound of flesh and bone smacking into each other the only sound in the studio.

The Ash I knew was gone. This was the beast he was so afraid of me seeing. I hadn’t seen shit all of this time in the ring, in the studio. This time, his control was totally gone. He wouldn't stop until either he was too exhausted or Hammer was dead.

“Ash,” I cried, scrambling forward. I wanted Hammer dead, but they’d send Ash to jail…

He was too far gone, and kept pounding his fist into Hammer’s face.

I flung myself onto Ash’s back, curling my arms around his neck. “Stop, Ash, please!”

With a grunt, he swung around, sending me sprawling onto my back and his gaze found mine. He stood there, covered in blood, his eyes slowly coming back to life and I burst into tears from the gravity of what had and was about to happen.

“Ren,” he said, his breath coming out in one big sigh.

I was frozen, staring at the blood splattered on his face. God. Oh fucking god.

“Is he… Is-” I managed to choke out.

Ash shook his head slowly, his expression unreadable.

“Where did you-”

“It was a ruse,” Ash said, his voice oddly calm after his display of violence.

I didn’t understand. “What-”

“Why the fuck do you think I never wanted you to go there?” he wailed.

“You think this is my fault?” I wanted to pound my fists into him and draw blood.

“No,” he hissed, pointing at an unconscious Hammer. “It's my fault.”

I managed to scramble to my feet, leaning against the mirror so I didn’t fall down. My legs felt like jelly, unstable and unpredictable.

“It’s not your fault!” I yelled back at him.

Ash shoved his hands into his hair, clearly agitated.

“We’ve got to get him to a hospital-”

“The fuck we do,” he roared. “He tried...he almost-”

He couldn’t say the word rape, and I wasn’t keen on filling in the gap, either. “We can call the cops.”

“No.”

“Ash, we can’t-”

“I said, no!” He began tearing at his hair.

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. He’d be in trouble anyway, but if Hammer died… “Why not?”

He turned on me, eyes full of fury. “I was never in Thailand, Ren.”

My heart stopped beating. “Then where were you?”

He bit his bottom lip, glancing at Hammer who was still out for the count.

“Answer me,” I screeched.

“Prison,” he roared, eyes feral with anger.

The blood drained from my face as I stared at him.

“I went to fucking jail for protecting someone I loved from him.” Ash jabbed a finger at Hammer. “Now do you understand?”

He was trying to protect me all along. When I thought he was being a controlling asshole, he was just trying to spare me from this. Jealousy, retribution, revenge...he was trying to save my life.

I stumbled back a step, trying not to hyperventilate. If they found him here, they'd send him back. No questions. They'd lock him up and throw away the key.

“You need to get out of here,” he snapped.

“Why?”

“I can't go back there, Ren. You can't be witness to this.”

What the fuck? My gaze shot up to meet his. “You're going to kill him, aren't you?”

Ash looked away, fists balling at his sides.

“Ash,” I pleaded. “Don't. Please.”

He refused to look at me. “Get out of here.”

I sprung forward and began beating his chest. “You can't, Ash. Don't. Don't you fucking leave me.”

He pushed me back against the mirror, hands locked around my biceps. Pure, uninhibited anger burnt in his green eyes and it was terrifying. Ash wasn't there anymore.

“Get the fuck out of here, Ren. I don't need you. Get. Out.”

“You think you’re doing the world a favor? You think you’re doing me one?” I yelled at him, tears falling faster than ever. “You’re not. You’re just abandoning me like everyone else.”

Letting me go, he clenched his fists at his sides, his entire body trembling. “I don’t want you, Ren. I never did. This isn’t for you. It’s for someone else.”

I clutched my chest like it’d stop my heart from shattering. “Liar.”

With a roar, he strode forward and grasped my arms in his big hands, squeezing painfully. “I don’t love you, Ren. I can’t love you. I’m already lost. Get the fuck out and don’t come back.”

“Ash-”

“Get out.” He stared at me point blank, his eyes empty. Black. Void.

I grabbed my shoes and did the only thing I was able to do.

I ran.

Before I knew what I was doing, I was hammering my fists on Josie's door, tears streaming down my face. I didn’t remember how I got there, let alone in one piece, but the porch light flicked on to her little cottage on Brunswick Road and I almost threw up in one of her pot plants.

The door opened and I practically fell into Josie’s startled arms.

“Ren? What the fuck? What's happened?”

She held onto me as sob after sob burst forth, gently guiding me inside and locking the door.

“Fuck, is that blood?” She shook me, but I was too hysterical to answer.

I was vaguely aware of being put into a bed, covers being drawn over my shivering body and then a damp face-washer was being pressed onto my forehead.

Josie…

“Should I be calling someone?” Josie asked gently. “The cops?”

“No. It’s…no.”

“Did Ash do this to you?”

Yes. Not like that. I didn’t know. I just buried my face into my hands and let the tears fall. Tears I suspected I’d been holding onto for a very long time.

“Shh,” Josie crooned. “Just sleep, okay?”

I was that exhausted, I didn’t really have a choice as darkness took me. The last image that flashed through my mind was of Ash. What kind of darkness was taking him right now?

I wasn’t sure I wanted to know.

37

ASH

Ren slammed the door behind her as she fled.

I’d done a lot of bad things in my life, but telling the woman I loved that I didn’t want her? That was the worst one. I was about to abandon her when she needed me the most. I was about to become just like everyone else in her life.

She'll never forgive me, but it will be worth it to make life safe for her.

My life for hers.

If I was ever capable of love, then this was as far as I would go to declare it. Right over the edges of the earth and into hell itself.

Was it love or madness? Could a beast truly love?

Who fucking knew?

38

REN

I felt heavy.

I rolled over and cracked open my eyes, my head pounding with a splitting headache. I felt like I had an epic hangover, all bleary eyed and numb limbs. It hurt to move, but that was probably from the uncontrollable sobbing I’d done the night before and the beating I’d taken from Hammer. Fear pounded into my heart and my eyes snapped open.

“Hey, sleepy head,” Josie mumbled from the other side of the bed. “Sleep okay?”

I drew in a sharp breath as the entirety of last night’s events came flooding back, overwhelming my senses again.

Ash.

I went to sit up, but pain stabbed into my head and I groaned, pressing my palm against my forehead. Shit. Fuck. Ass.

“Headache?” Josie sat up and handed me a glass of water that had been sitting on the nightstand. A couple of headache tablets followed and I scooted as upright as I could.

“Thanks,” I croaked.

“You wanna talk about it?” she asked gently. “You were…”

“Hysterical?” I asked, throwing two pills in my mouth and taking a swallow of water.

“Yeah.” She leaned against the headboard, her usually immaculate blonde hair all tangled from sleep.

“I don’t think I can, Josie.”

“You know anything you say is between you and me, right?”

“I know. It’s just…” You could be implicated in a possible murder. Fuck.

“Complicated?”

“Yeah,” I said through a heavy sigh.

She smiled, but wasn’t convinced at my pathetic explanation.

“Want a shower?” she asked. “You can borrow some of my clothes to go home in.”

I nodded, not sure which parts were real anymore.

Josie showed me to her little bathroom and turned on the water for me, somehow getting that the pathways in my brain were temporarily broken. How much she suspected, I didn’t know. Maybe she thought Ash and I had broken up. Maybe that was all.

When she left, I stood in the shower and let the water pound into my skin, washing off the night, and Hammer’s touch. I’d been so out of it when I stumbled into Josie’s arms, I’d just passed out the moment she put me to bed. I still stunk like violence. An invisible sheen of shame coated my body and I scrubbed and scrubbed until I felt raw.

I didn’t fight. I’d cracked under real world pressure. That’s what it was. The real world. Fighting in The Underground wasn’t real, not like last night had been.

Hammer had overpowered me so easily and Ash... I couldn't get the image of him standing over me like a wild animal out of my head.

When I finally pulled myself out of Josie’s shower, I realized she’d come in at some stage and left some spare clothes folded on the edge of the basin. I dragged on a pair of jeans, plain red tank top and woolly cardigan with heavy limbs and cuddled the material around me. Staring in the mirror, my eyes looked hollow and the skin around them dark and splotchy.

I had my own arms around myself, but I imagined they were Ash’s. He always held me like I was going to break, until he wanted to fuck…then he was rough, his fingers biting into my skin. But he wasn’t here and my hollow reflection was the only thing that stared back at me.

Padding out into the little kitchenette, I sunk onto a stool, hugging Josie’s cardigan around myself like it was some kind of shield that would protect me from the world. I was weak when I needed to stand up and fight. I was…

“Coffee?” Josie asked, snapping me out of my negative shame spiral.

“Thanks.”

She pushed the button on her fancy little machine and handed me a cup complete with a layer of froth-like substance on the top.

“It’s not cafe perfect, but it does the trick,” she said with a wink.

I sipped at the coffee, grateful for the caffeine kick. What was I going to do? What was I going back to at Beat? Where was Ash? I had no idea how I was going to find him… What would Dad… Fuck, Dad.

“Ren?” Josie asked, frowning at me.

“Josie,” I said, setting the cup back down on the counter. “Can you do something for me? I wouldn’t ask unless it was important…”

“Okay,” she said slowly, obviously not liking where this was going.

“If anyone asks, I was here all night.”

“Ren, what's going on?”

“Please, Josie,” I pleaded. “I can't tell you. Please can you do this for me?”

She eyed me suspiciously, but nodded. “Don’t make me regret this, Ren Miller.”

I threw my arms around her and hugged her tight. “Thank you.”

Shuffling all the way from Josie’s house back to Beat, I was in a daze. So much so that when I walked around the corner, I stopped mid-step and almost stumbled at the chaos that was waiting.

There were two cop cars parked out the front of Beat, lights flashing like a bloody carnival ride, and people milling about on the footpath. I couldn’t see from this distance, but it had to be Dad and some cops. Maybe even the Twins. Monica. Fuck. Monica.

What was I going to do about her? Smash her into the next plain of existence. She had as much a hand in this as I did. If it wasn’t for her then Ash would still be here.

Taking a deep breath, I got my story straight in my head. I went to stay over at Josie’s. I don’t know where Ash is.

As I approached Beat, Dad glanced up and said something to one of the police officers, and then he practically ran down the street to meet me. Bloody hell, a little police action and I was flavor of the month.

“Ren,” Dad exclaimed, throwing his arms around me. A hug? I finally get a fucking hug? The sensation of his arms around me was alien and felt all kinds of wrong.

“What’s going on?” I asked, eyeing the cop over his shoulder.

“The studio was broken into last night,” Dad said, pulling back to look at me. “Thank god you weren’t there.”

I blinked. “Broken into?”

“They smashed the place up,” he went on. “Nothing seems to be stolen, the police think it might’ve been kids.”

“Kids?” I glanced over his shoulder where the roller door had been raised. There was police tape inside as well and a couple of plain clothes cops with cameras and dusting for prints.

“Where were you?”

“I was staying with Josie,” I said, desperate to know what they’d found.

What the fuck had Ash done on his way out? Covered his tracks. How did you cover up a murder? There was blood on the mats, but I’m sure if it was still there, the cops would’ve found it already.

“Have you heard from Ash?” Dad asked and I blinked hard. “Ren?”

Shaking my head, I said, “No. Not since he left last night.”

“He’s not answering his phone.”

“What-” My gut churned as I realized what Dad was hinting at. “No,” I exclaimed. “Why would he trash Beat? I don’t believe it.”

“Not Ash,” Dad said, pulling me out of ear shot of the cops. “Someone from that fighting racket.”

My eyebrows rose and any response I could’ve given him died in my throat.

“If you know something Ren, you have to tell me.”

I couldn’t. If I did, I may as well sign Ash’s arrest warrant myself. So, despite every moral compass inside me pointing at saying yes and spilling, I said, “No.”

I don’t love you, Ren. I can’t love you. I’m already lost. Get the fuck out and don’t come back.

He was such a fucking liar.

Dad eyed me with worry and nodded. “If you’ve got something to say, you can come to me, you know.”

“After all this time?” I said, rolling my eyes.

“Ren, please. This is serious.”

I nodded. “Okay. Fine.”

Patting me on the shoulder, he wandered off to talk to the cops again. Where was I going to stay now?

There was movement on the footpath as Monica got out of her car and walked towards the scene that was all of her own making, her mouth dropping open as she surveyed the damage.

She glanced up and our gazes met, invisible sparks of pure hatred passing from me to her. For the first time, I saw the vulnerable side of Monica Miller, the stupid little girl who’d made the biggest mistake of her life.

Yeah, I know it was you, I thought. I know what you did.

I should pity my poor little sister, blinded by misguided lust, but all I wanted was her blood. The moment I could get my hands on the bitch, she would pay.

“Ren,” she squeaked as she came to a halt a few paces away from my trembling form.

“Don’t you fucking talk to me,” I hissed. “I know what you did.”

“I never meant-”

“Do you know what they were going to do to me?” I asked, shoving her down the gutter between a van and a parked car so we were out of sight.

She shook her head, panic setting into her features.

“He was going to rape me, Monica. He almost did.” I shook my head, utterly disgusted. Anger had replaced last night’s hysteria, but it wasn’t any prettier than that had been.

“Ren, I’m-”

“Sorry?” I spat. “You ruined his life, you know that? Whatever happens to Ash next is on you.” I shoved her hard and she slammed into the back of the van, a whimper bursting from her lips. Poor fucking Monica. Poor. Fucking. Bitch.

It was too late for apologies. And it was too late to take back a life.

Ash, where are you?

They were after Ash. I’d become his greatest weakness and by forcing him to take me to The Underground and fighting like I had, I’d made myself his kryptonite. Take me out and they take out the only thing between them and a million bucks.

It was all my fault.

Ash could be anywhere. He could’ve done anything to Hammer. He could’ve killed him.

It was all my fault. Ash was ruined again, but this time it was because of me.

I was too chicken shit to turn up at The Underground on my own, just incase someone else was lying in wait for me, so I called the head honchos, but they hadn’t heard from him. They hadn’t heard from Hammer either, which was the most alarming thing out of the whole steaming pile.

He hadn’t contacted Dean or Lincoln, either. I didn’t know if he had any family or friends outside of Beat. I didn’t have anyone else to ask.

I’d run out of leads and had to resign myself to the inevitable.

Ash wasn’t coming back. Why the fuck would he?

I was empty. Hollow. Broken. Abandoned.

Figured.

39

ASH

I popped the boot of the car and kicked it open.

Staring down at the unconscious and bound Hammer, I squashed down the beast inside, deciding what I should do with him.

He’d hurt her. He hurt my Ren and he had to be taught a lesson.

I stood over the guy as his head rolled back and forth, a strangled moan echoing in the empty space around us.

I’d come close to the line and I’d mother fucking toed it, but I’d never crossed it completely.

If I went through with this, the line would be obliterated.

Ren was worth it. I’d do anything to keep her safe from scum like Hammer.

Anything.

I fisted my hands into the front of his shirt and hauled him up and out, letting him fall heavily on the ground.

He and I…we weren’t going to be winners in this game. It was all a matter of who was going to lose the most.

I might lose Ren and my freedom, but I would still have my life.

And she would have hers.

I warned them and they didn’t listen.

Now, they had to pay.

Other Books in The Beat and The Pulse series…

The Beat and The Pulse is a MMA Fighter romance series that’s full of grit, glory and love!

Follow the men and women of Beat and Pulse as they fight for love... in and out of the cage.

It’s time to fight for the broken hearted.

Beat #1

Pulse #2

Crash #3

Spike #4

Rebel #4.5

Steel #5

Flow #6

Surge #7

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Amity Cross is the International Bestselling author of wicked stories about rock stars looking for redemption, gritty romances featuring MMA fighters and dark tales of forbidden romance. She loves to write about screwed up relationships and kick ass female leads that don’t take s**t lying down.

Amity lives in a leafy country town near Melbourne, Australia and can be found chained to her desk, held at ransom by her characters.

Don’t send help. She likes it.

Follow Amity Online:

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theamitycross@gmail.com

Keep reading for a glimpse of PULSE (#2 The Beat and the Pulse)…

MUCH EARLIER

ASH

There’s an unspoken hierarchy in prison.

The fresh meat gets it the worst…until you earn the respect of the top dog.

Three weeks in, they tried to take me down and pull me into line, but I fought back with my fists. Two weeks later, they tried to take me down with an iron bar and I steamrolled the lot of them. I steamrolled them with the same weapon they tried to get me with. I steamrolled them right into hospital. They never touched me after that.

They lock you in with people who are just as bad as you. They lock you in and turn off the lights and then you’re fair game.

It was my own fault I was in there. I committed the crime, but prison changes the best parts of you. I was a beast before, but that place made me a monster. It showed me what I was truly capable of.

I never beat a man to death before. I never took it that far, but after four years in that place?

I knew now that I was capable of anything.

IN BETWEEN

REN

I thought I was in love.

I wasn’t sure what it was supposed to feel like, but I was positive it wasn’t this.

I stood in the middle of Altona Memorial Park, staring down at the place where they buried my mum, trying to understand where it’d all gone wrong.

The wind picked up and I hugged my coat closer, trying to block the chill. Melbourne was notorious for windy days and sudden downpours and the sky was as black as my soul. Summer was gone, winter had all but passed, but it wasn’t the only thing that had left me feeling cold.

I glanced around, but I was alone.

“Hey Mum,” I murmured. Nothing but silence greeted me in return and I wondered if there really was such a thing as the afterlife and if there was...if she could hear me.

“So, it’s almost been a year since I found Dad. Did you know he had another family?” I sighed, glancing away from the headstone. “I guess you did.”

The day I’d turned up at Beat I’d been shoved into a storage closet like a fucked up Cinderella, I had a half sister who almost destroyed my life... Scratch that, she did destroy my life. I could tick off all the things that had gone wrong since I stepped into Beat, but I’d run out of fingers to count them on.

“Josie, Seth, Dean, Lincoln… They’re all great. Really nice and supportive. Things are getting better with Dad. I’m like the son he’d never had. I’m his ticket to the big time he never got for himself.” I sucked in a deep breath, filling my lungs to the brim, then let it all out in one long whoosh. “So much has happened, Mum.” I stared at the headstone like it would talk back to me.

“I’m one qualifying round off placing in a pro MMA league. Bet you didn’t think I’d get into that, huh?” I knelt down on my knees and began rearranging the flowers I’d bought. Some three-dollar carnations I’d plucked from a bucket of water at the grocer around the corner from the studio. People said carnations were cheap and tacky, total Grandma flowers, but Mum had liked them. They were a few dollars for a small bunch and all we could afford, so I assume she was always just trying to be nice, but old habits died hard.

“I’m also competing in an illegal underground fighting racket, but that’s another story. I know. I’m in so much trouble.” Satisfied with my mediocre florist skills, I stood, wrapping my arms around my stomach. “There’s all these people saying all these incredible things to me. They’re giving me things and I’m winning all this money, but I can’t hear or see any of it. I’m not a nobody anymore, I’m a somebody, but I don’t know if it’s what I want.”

I wish she was here. It was always us against the world. Me and her together. I thought it was going to be Ash and me…but he was gone. He left and he never came back.

“What should I do, Mum?” Tears prickled at my eyes, but even here where nobody could see me, I refused to let them fall. “They’re all counting on me and being amazing and supportive...but I feel empty.”

Fighting was never my dream. I never had one of those, so I wasn’t sure if this was how it felt to have one come true.

“How did you do it?” I asked the air, hoping and praying for a reply. “How did you get over your broken heart? Because right now, I can’t see a way forward.”

Nobody was answering and I was all alone out in the cold cemetery, a sharp breeze cutting through my jacket and chilling my skin.

How could I hold on, when everybody else always let go?

Pulse (#2 The Beat and the Pulse) is OUT NOW

Table of Contents

Copyright

Dedication

1. Before - Ash

2. After - Ren

3. Ren

4. Ren

5. Ren

6. Ash

7. Ren

8. Ash

9. Ren

10. Ren

11. Ash

12. Ren

13. Ren

14. Ren

15. Ash

16. Ren

17. Ash

18. Ren

19. Ash

20. Ren

21. Ren

22. Ash

23. Ren

24. Ren

25. Ren

26. Ash

27. Ren

28. Ren

29. Ash

30. Ren

31. Ren

32. Ren

33. Ash

34. Ren

35. Ren

36. Ren

37. Ash

38. Ren

39. Ash

Other Books in The Beat and The Pulse series…

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About the Author

Much Earlier - Ash

In Between - Ren