BARBARIAN'S BELOVED

A SCI-FI ALIEN ROMANCE

RUBY DIXON

RUBY DIXON

Copyright © 2018 by Ruby Dixon

All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

Photograph by Sara Eirew Photographer.

Cover Design by Kati Wilde.

Edits by Aquila Editing.

Created with Vellum

CONTENTS

BLURB

Foreword

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Chapter 23

Chapter 24

Chapter 25

Epilogue

AUTHOR’S NOTE

Ruby Dixon Reading List

Cast of Characters

WANT MORE?

BLURB

BARBARIAN'S BELOVED

by Ruby Dixon

My tribesmates don’t understand her. The other humans think she’s weak. But no one knows my mate like I do. They don’t see her gentle heart or her brave spirit. I know why she struggles. I know how strong she is. And I know I’ll do anything to make her smile.

But can I convince her that she can be happy in this strange new world with me?

This story explores the long-awaited romance of Ariana and Zolaya. Even though it is a ‘flashback’ to the beginning of the Ice Planet Barbarians series, it can be read out of order. Enjoy!

FOREWORD

This is a book about shitty brains.

More specifically, this is a book about a heroine who suffers from anxiety and panic attacks. Since I, too, have a shitty brain and know how it does not take much to tip things over, I thought I would preface this with a warning.

If you can’t read about anxiety, I understand! Please go read something else. I have a lovely backlist and can recommend lots of books. I feel your feels.

If you can read about anxiety without it making you anxious, then feel free to read on.

Much love,

Ruby <3

1

ARIANA

I  give the healer an apologetic look as I step into her hut. "I'm so sorry to bother you again, Maylak."

The lovely, blue-skinned sa-khui woman waves a hand, dismissing my apology. "Do not worry over such things. This is what I am here for. I am glad to help." She moves to the neatly piled bed of furs she keeps on the far end of her hut for her “treatments” and gestures that I should join her.

I ease my ungainly, pregnant body down to the ground. I lie back on the furs and stare up at the ceiling of her hut, at the pitched roof with the leather coverings and the smoke hole. I stare up at the zigzag where the hides have been stitched together and try to calm my breathing. Slow breaths. Deep breaths. Of course, it doesn't work, because the more I think about breathing, the more worked up I get. I’ve been doing my calming exercises all afternoon – deep breathing, personal mantras, self reminders – none of it’s working, so I’m at the healer to get even more help.

After fighting and working hard to stay calm all day, I’ve given up.

Maylak sits at the head of the bed and puts her fingertips on my temples. She closes her eyes and her body goes still, and I watch her, waiting. Please. Please.

It takes a few moments. Maylak's “magic” always does. At first I feel nothing, but then there's a cool wave that spreads through my twitching body, giving me a languid sensation that's so welcome I could cry. I close my eyes and relax as the feeling sweeps through me, calming my racing heart and my frantic thoughts.

Eventually, Maylak strokes my brow, indicating she's done. "Better?"

I sit up and give her a sheepish smile. "Much. Thank you. I should be able to sleep tonight."

"You had a…mean day?" She struggles to find the right word.

"Bad day?" I smile at her, feeling a lot more relaxed. The sa-khui don't have a saying for “good day” or “bad day.” Every day is just a day. Some are busier than others. "I'm not sure what set me off today. We had classes like always and the kids were mostly good but…" I shrug. Sometimes it doesn't take much more than a thought for my anxiety to spiral out of control.

"But you miss your mate," Maylak says gently. She reaches out and squeezes my hand. "It is hard when the one that makes us feel stable and safe is gone for a long time."

I don't say anything, because if I do, I'm sure I'll start crying. The tears are a hugely annoying side-effect of my anxiety flare-ups. I feel out of control, and when I feel out of control, I cry. It's the only outlet my body has. I cried a lot when we first arrived. I've cried a lot lately, too. "It's silly. I know he's safe. I know he's helping the others. I don't mind that. I just didn't think he'd be gone so long."

My handsome, strong Zolaya. God, I miss him so much. Just thinking about him makes my stomach ache and I feel the panic attack start to flare again. I steer my thoughts carefully away from that rabbit hole and focus on other things. Small talk's distracting, so I smile at Maylak and straighten my tunic. "Veronica and Ashtar left this morning?"

The healer inclines her head. "They will be back. She will try her new skills back on her tribe, and when she struggles, she will return to me for teaching. Healing is an instinctive thing." She spreads her hands. "She knows what she knows until she does not know. Then she will seek more instruction."

"I wish I'd been given a healing cootie," I tell her wistfully. I clutch the fur-trimmed hem of my tunic so I don't start biting my nails. If I had a healing cootie, I wouldn't be at Maylak's home so often needing a “shot” of healing calm.

She reaches out and touches my hand, squeezing it. I'm not sure if she's sending another dose of healing through me, or just being her sweet, supportive self, but it helps. "I spoke with Vektal today," she tells me. "When Ashtar and Vuh-ron-ca return, they will bring a few more of our hunters back. I have asked that Zolaya be included on the next journey, for your sake."

"Oh," I breathe. It's something I want so badly I can taste it, but at the same time, it just makes me nervous all over again. "Maylak, I really don't want to be trouble."

"I know."

"I don't mind that he's gone. I really don't. It's not his fault I'm struggling."

"I know."

"I don't want to be a bother," I blabber on, and I feel like I'm on the verge of crying all over again. "Others need their mates, too." I think of my Zolaya, with his deep, soulful eyes and his beautiful smile and the proud arch of his horns. I sniff hard, because god, I want my mate home more than anything. But at the same time, I don't want to be seen as a burden to the tribe. I worry constantly that everyone's going to be sick of weepy, whiny Ariana and boot me out the door. What if there's a food shortage and we have to pick who gets food and who doesn't? Who would want me around? What if something happens to Zolaya and then me and Analay are left to fend for ourselves? What if—

"You are doing it again," Maylak says gently, squeezing my hand. This time, I definitely feel another wave of her healing move through me.

"I know." I swipe at my eyes. All right. The time for feeling sorry for myself has passed. I’ve gotten my brain calmed, and now I can relax. "I’m good. I promise. The tears are just release, that’s all. I'm going to go home and make some tea and sleep."

"He will be home soon, Air-ee-aw-nuh," the healer says in such a gentle voice that it makes me want to weep all over again. "You have lasted this long without him at your side. Surely a few days more will be all right."

She's right. I take a deep breath and exhale slowly. She's absolutely right. I can do this. Zolaya would worry if he knew how much I'd been struggling. I don't want him to think I'm useless or too needy. I need to focus on what I can control and the things that are good. My precious little Analay. My friends. The baby that moves and kicks in my belly even now.

As if she can read my thoughts, Maylak puts a hand on my belly. "This little one is doing well?"

I nod, giving her a teary little laugh. "She's clearly her father's daughter. Happy as a clam and big as an ox."

The healer gives me a puzzled smile.

"Those are earth creatures," I tell her, realizing what I said. "Happy as a dvisti and big as a…sa-kohtsk?"

She chuckles. "Not quite that big yet. You have another turn of the moon to go yet."

I groan at the thought, but I'm secretly pleased. I don't want this baby to get here before her daddy is home. I keep thinking of it as a girl. It might be another boy—I would love for my little Analay to have a brother—but something tells me it's a girl. She feels completely different to carry than Analay did. I should probably be glad of that, since he was a difficult pregnancy and an even more difficult baby.

I sigh, thinking of my sweet son. "I need to go and get Analay from Marlene's." I look over at Maylak, who's beaming at me as if she's proud of me, and I reach over and hug her. "Thank you for always having time for me."

"Of course. It is what I do."

Yeah, but I'm pretty sure no one needs her nearly as much as I do. I squeeze her tight, and then she gets to her feet and helps me stand, since I'm practically all belly at this point.

"If you need more, come back," Maylak tells me. "You know my hut is always open to you, no matter the hour."

"I know," I tell her with a faint smile. I hope it won't come to that. There's nothing more embarrassing than showing up at the healer's in the middle of the night because I'm having a panic attack over silly things. But Maylak understands. She pats my shoulder and then I head out into the night.

The village is pretty quiet after dark. There's a small fire going at the main lodge, because Stacy likes to cook there and she makes sure all the elders are taken care of, even the ones without mates. There's no sound of Gail's bright, cheery laugh, because Gail and Vaza—and Liz's girls, and Rukhar—all went with Veronica and Ashtar back to the beach tribe.

Maybe that's why my panic stirred up today. Gail normally helps me with the schooling and she wasn't there today. I don't mind that she left. I'm so happy for her because I know she wants a baby to mother and there's an orphan back at the Icehome tribe. But it's just another one of my support systems that's been taken away, and my spinny little brain hates that.

That's the thing with anxiety. If something in the routine changes, even something minor, it feels like everything is out of control. The mental ‘Red Alert’ goes off and your brain freaks out.

I take another deep breath, forcing my mind away from negative thoughts again. It's easier after seeing Maylak, because I feel so much calmer. I exhale slowly, watching my breath puff out into clouds in the night. There's the faint sound of talking at a nearby hut, and then a little moan breaks the air.

Someone's getting laid.

Darn it, now I really, really miss Zolaya. I rub my huge belly. "Not that it matters right about now, I guess. You're a speed bump if there ever was one, baby girl."

I continue rubbing my belly as I waddle to the far side of the village. Maylak's down the “street” from the hut I share with Zolaya, but luckily my bestie Marlene is right next door. That makes it a lot easier to share chores. My boots crunch on the light powder glazing the cobblestones of the village and I smile at Kemli and Borran as I pass them. Tomorrow's a new day, and it'll be another day closer to my Zolaya getting home.

Oh, Zolaya. I imagine him holding me close, his head pressed to mine, temple to temple as we lie in bed, wrapped around each other. I even think of the times that he's held me in sleep but his head was angled wrong and he nearly took out my eye with his horns. I'd even welcome that right about now, because we’d laugh about it and re-snuggle and then we’d probably end up kissing…or more.

Just thinking about my mate, my other half, makes me want to cry all over again.

A bright, happy laugh rolls out into the night. It’s a child’s laugh, a boy’s. And it makes my heart remember that not everything is crap when my mate’s away. I’d know that little joyous laugh anywhere—my Analay.

I move to the front of Marlene and Zennek's hut and shake the bone wind “chimes” that serve as a doorbell. A moment later, the privacy screen is pulled back and Marlene tilts her head, giving me an assessing look. "All better?"

I nod. "More or less."

"Bon," she says, and pulls me inside. Marlene's hut is cozy as could be, the fire in the center of the room. Zennek, her quiet mate, sits in one corner of the hut, whittling something out of bone. Zalene and my little Analay sit with their bowls next to the fire, waiting for dinner. Marlene ushers me toward the only stool inside, as if she's been saving it for my return. "Come out of the cold, mon coco. We are having dinner. Hoppers and stewed roots, mm mmm. C'est froid." She sticks her tongue out and taps it with a finger, making Analay and her Zalene go into fits of giggles again. Zennek just gives a slow, pleased smile and nods at me in greeting. Of all the sa-khui men, he's probably the quietest, which is funny considering that Marlene is pretty quiet herself. I thought when the two of them got together, it would be nothing but silence, but my sweet friend turns chatty when there are few people around. It's like she feels free to be herself in smaller groups.

I totally get that.

Marlene fusses over everyone while she ladles out food, making a game of it and singing French nursery rhymes while she serves us. The children love it, and I suspect she's being extra cheery because I'm such a sad panda tonight. It's so thoughtful of her. I'm really lucky that I was stranded on the ice planet with a woman that would turn into such a good friend.

And my Zolaya, of course.

I eat my hopper and root stew, even though I'm not all that hungry, and Marlene carries all of the conversation. She asks about the kits and their day at “school,” making them go over their lessons. She asks Zennek about his hunt, and the normally silent hunter offers his own story about checking traps that day. The night goes on companionably, and Marlene makes sure the children eat all of their stew before they can have a bite of dessert, which is a custard made with ground hraku seeds and a dirtbeak egg. I'm not extra fond of it, but the kits love it and Marlene freezes it into funny little egg shapes so it seems like more of a treat. Then, she gives each of the children a smacking kiss. "Bedtime! Analay, go tuck your mama in." She winks at me. "She looks sleepy."

My little love jumps to his feet, all eagerness as he moves to my side and takes the hem of my tunic. "Ready to sleep, Mama?"

"Sure." I brush his hair back from his face and smile. Truth be told, I've lingered around Marlene's fire because it's easier than being alone with my thoughts. But we have to go home at some point.

We get ready to depart and I kiss my friend on her cheek, thanking her for dinner. "Tomorrow night, I'll cook," I promise her.

"Bah. My Zennek will catch enough for both of our huts, wait and see." She winks at me. "You let us fuss over you, mon coco."

I smile, but it feels like effort. Marlene's trying hard, but I just miss my Zolaya so much, and I can feel my anxiety waiting to rear its head again. I put a hand on Analay's back as we leave and cross over to our own quiet little hut next door. It doesn't feel quite as cozy as Marlene's little hut, but then again, Marlene's mate is there with her. I try not to feel jealous, because I know Marlene feels guilty. The men take turns going on longer hunts, and it was just Zennek's turn to stay home. It's not his fault that this particular journey has kept the men away a little longer than anticipated.

Analay takes charge as soon as he enters the hut. He moves to the fire and stokes the coals with expert hands, though I watch him carefully since he's still my baby for all that he's almost seven. He sets up the tripod over the coals, then puts a pouch on over the fire while I get out my special “tea,” the one that helps me relax. It makes me ache to think that this is part of Analay's “normal” now, but he knows when his mama's feeling stressed.

My wonderful little man. If I didn't have him here, I'd be lost.

I make the tea even as Analay shakes out his furs and then goes to shake out mine, just because it makes him feel more adult to help me with that. I can't help but grin at how serious he takes getting ready for bed. It's as charming tonight as it was the first night. Zolaya told him he needed to be the male in charge of our family while he was gone, and Analay takes that task very seriously. I watch my little one as he finishes prepping our beds and then changes into his pajamas while I sip my tea. He brushes his messy hair back from his horns with his comb, scrubs his teeth with a twig and rinses his mouth, and then climbs into bed.

"Can I tell you a story tonight, Mama?" he asks, looking up at me.

I put my tea down, pleased that we’re keeping our routine. Normally Analay is the one that likes to tell me stories. He's got a fantastic imagination, though he's not the chatterbox that Erevair is or the question-firer that Josie's Joden is. My Analay's just…happy. It's ironic because he was the crankiest, angriest baby, but sometime after he started getting teeth, he just turned into the sunniest personality and he's an utter joy. Every day is wonderful with him around, and I can't help but think I lucked out with my child. He's the handsomest boy in the village (I know that's the proud mama in me talking) but he's also the cheeriest. "I’d love that, baby. What story are you going to tell me?”

He nods, looking so very serious. "I’ll tell you about how you and Papa met." He pats the blankets, inviting me over.

Ah. I smile at him even as I move over to his bed and ease my bulky body down against him. My son curls up against me, resting his little head and pokey horns against my chin. I don't even mind that they're stabbing me in the cheek. I like holding him too much. "I know how that one goes already," I tease. It's his favorite story and one he's heard a million times before. It’s sweet that he wants to tell it to me though.

He only knows the G-rated version, anyhow.

"I like that story," he tells me. "It makes it feel like Papa's here even when he's not."

Oh. A huge lump forms in my throat and I feel like crying all over again. I squeeze my son close, determined not to let my panic rise again. "I miss him, too," I whisper, and do my best not to sniffle. It just worries him when Mama cries, so I try not to do it in front of him. But I know I can't think about Zolaya tonight. Not when I'm missing him so badly. "How about a different story? Something new?"

He thinks for a minute, taking the task very seriously. Bedtime is sacred in our house, because it's Mama-and-son bonding time. We snuggle and tell stories and I listen to everything he can possibly think to tell me. It might be my favorite part of the day, and I love listening to his happy rambling. "I was with you for most of the day, so I don't know if there's anything exciting. I can tell you about the dream I had during nap time today?"

"Did you dream?" I ask, sniffing his hair. He always smells like my baby, even though he's getting older.

"Yes. I dreamed about Anna." He pats my big belly. "She's going to be like this someday with my kit."

I giggle. "You dreamed about making Anna pregnant?" Out of Nora's blonde little twins, Anna's the less pretty, less vivacious one. Of course, I'd never say that to Nora. But I'm surprised that Analay's crushing on her. "Is it because your names are so close?"

"No, Mama. It's because I'm going to resonate to her. But not for a long, long time yet. When we get older." He yawns. "I'm going to be a hunter and after Elsa resonates, Anna's going to resonate to me. There are going to be lots of kits in the tribe then. We'll run out of huts for all the families. Someone's going to have to sleep in the storage huts, just like when you and Papa met."

I feel a weird little prickle move over my skin. "Oh? You dreamed all that?"

"Yes." No explaining, no argument, just simple acknowledgment.

"That sounds like quite a dream. So who does Elsa resonate to?" I stroke his hair absently.

"I didn't see it. My dream was mostly about me." He shrugs. "I can see if I can find out next time I dream. Sometimes I remember a lot more."

"You do? Like what?" This is the first time he's mentioned it to me. No, wait. He's mentioned dreams to me before, but I thought they were just silliness. This is the first time he's talked about resonating.

"Sometimes I dream about what Papa's going to bring home from a hunt before he comes home. And sometimes I dream about my sisters."

The prickle moves down my arms and I shiver. "Sisters?"

"Three of them. This one," he tells me, patting my belly. "And then two more, but they're not for a while yet."

I swallow hard, thinking. Is this like Rokan's “knowing” sense? Is he dreaming this because it's going to happen in the future? What he says sounds reasonable…and yet I'm still surprised. I'm not like Josie, who seems determined to shotgun out as many babies as possible with her mate, Haeden. I thought after having such a hard time with Analay's pregnancy and nursing that maybe I'd just have the one baby. That maybe my cootie wasn't prepared to give me more. Getting pregnant a second time was a surprise, but a welcome one. The thought of more kits than that, spaced apart? I…like it.

Daughters. Three of them. My goodness. "What were their names?" I can't help but ask. I need to ask Zolaya if he's related to Rokan through a cousin or uncle. Or maybe this is just childish nonsense. But it has a strange ring of truth to it that makes me listen intently.

He just laughs sleepily and pats my stomach again. "Mama, you're the one that names them, not me."

Fair enough. I rub his back, hugging him against my chest. "So you're going to resonate to Anna, huh?"

"Yes, but not until she grows teats. It's going to be a while yet." He pats my chest sleepily. "She'll be nice to sleep against, like you."

My mouth twitches. "I see. Anyone else going to resonate?"

"Erevair and Kai," he mumbles, and it's clear he's getting tired. "But everyone knows that."

Those two do seem to make a cute pair…but they're also only children. "Mmm. And Joden?" I ask, thinking of Josie's brash, chatty little boy. He's Analay's good friend, though he sometimes makes me want to tear my hair out with all his questions.

"Talie," Analay murmurs, drifting off. "Or Vekka. Can't ’member."

Huh. I stroke his hair. "Go to sleep, baby. You can tell me about it tomorrow."

"Won't remember it tomorrow," he tells me, and then looks up at me, all sleepiness erased by worry. "You'll remember for me, won't you?"

"You bet," I tell him, curious and a little creeped out all at once. I need to tell Marlene about this. And Maylak. And Rokan, since he's back. I wonder how his “knowing” started. "Get some sleep, love." I kiss his forehead. "Love you, Analay."

"Love you, Mama." He closes his eyes again and cuddles up against me, and then he's quiet.

I hold him while he sleeps, thinking about all he's told me. Surely it's nothing but a child talking about a vivid dream he had. Has to be. Then again…me with three daughters? I could see it, eventually. I think of little Anna, his “mate” of the future. I don't know what to think. I wish Zolaya was here so I could tell him about this and he could chuckle over it with me. Even though it's nothing but a dream, I still squeeze Analay a little harder as he sleeps.

He's still too little for me to think about losing him to someone else, even if it's Anna with two yellow pigtails and a tubby little tummy. I'm not ready to give up my baby yet. I hold Analay close for what feels like hours, and as I do, the calm that Maylak gave me feels like it's wearing off, and I'm left alone with my thoughts.

I think of Zolaya, and if he's out there worrying over me. If he's remembering to eat enough, because he gets distracted by wanting to do everything and forgets to take care of himself. If someone's repairing his boots for him…and if she is, if I need to scratch her eyes out. I know he'd never look at another woman.

But that doesn't mean she can't look at him. And my Zolaya's handsome. He's got beautiful long black hair that he wears in a careless braid, and sweeping horns and strong, sharp features. When he smiles, he takes my breath away.

What am I going to do if he doesn't come back soon?

What if I have this baby while he's gone?

God, what if he doesn't come back for another six months? What if Veronica and Ashtar decide they're not coming back to visit for a while? The little worries start piling up until my chest feels tight and my fingers start to tingle.

Then silly worries pile on top of the others.

What if Analay's right and he's going to resonate to Anna and it happens faster than anyone thinks and then I don't have anyone? What if I'm alone forever? What if Zolaya meets another woman and realizes that his resonance mate is too much trouble because she cries all the time and she suffers from anxiety and needs constant reassurance?

What if while he's gone he realizes he doesn't love me like I love him?

Stupid, stupid tears start to leak again, and before I can sob all over my sleeping son, I detangle myself from him and ease out of bed. I re-tuck the blankets around him and try not to smile as he shoves his thumb into his mouth. I know he's too old to sleep like that, but I don't have the heart to pull it free from his mouth. He's still my baby for a while yet.

I, however, am a mess. I move to the tea over the fire—still warm—and chug it down as quickly as possible. It has a calming element, and tonight I can use as much as I can get in my system. I bank the fire, one hand on my belly, and then crawl into my own furs and stare up at the ceiling, trying not to cry.

Zolaya. My Zolaya. I miss him so much it feels like a physical ache. I know if he was here, he'd walk me through calming down, like he always does. He'd hold my hands and make me talk through my fears. Reassure me that everything's all right and hold me until the worst has passed. It always helps when he's around. Maybe it's the gentle hum of his khui against mine that relaxes my brain, but with him gone, it's like all my anxiety has come raging back.

I glance over at Analay while he sleeps. Tell me about how you and Papa met.

I can't talk about Zolaya on bad anxiety days, because it hurts too much. But maybe thinking about him will help. So I close my eyes and picture his face, trying to remember the first time I saw him…

2

ARIANA

EIGHT-ISH YEARS AGO

"CAN YOU FEEL IT?"

I turn to look at the woman sitting next to me in the snow. Her eyes—now a glowing blue—are wide and she has a hand pressed to her chest.

"I'm pretty sure I can feel mine moving around," she says, and she swallows hard. "It's so gross."

The thought is terrifying. I put a hand to my chest, but I don't feel anything. That might be worse. What if mine is malfunctioning? My body aches at the thought and I have to bite down on my lower lip to keep from sobbing aloud. I've done enough sobbing in the last day or so, to the point that the other “captives” are starting to give me ugly looks.

I can't help it. I just can't seem to stop crying.

I think I'm justified. I think finding yourself on an icy planet, alone except for other kidnapped human women and big blue alien guys, means that I'm justified in crying for hours on end. It's awful here. It's bitterly cold. I'm from Jersey, so I'm no stranger to snow like some of the Southern girls here, but back in Trenton it doesn't get cold like this. This is bone-deep cold that makes me wonder if I'll ever get warm again. It doesn't help that these guys are wandering around in leggings or loincloths. To them, it's not cold in the slightest. That only makes me cry harder.

It's been a rough twenty-four hours. I last remembered falling asleep over my textbooks and woke up to a bunch of strangers telling me that I'd been kidnapped by aliens and now I'm stranded on a wintry planet. To make matters worse, I have to get a parasite or I'll die, and the parasite itself will pick me a mate.

I don't care about the parasite or the mate thing nearly as much as the “never go home” thing. There's clearly no pharmacy here. The native aliens seem to be wearing leather and fur and that means there's no technology. If there's no technology…that means there's no way I can get my anti-anxiety medications to help me cope.

And oh god, do I need a dose of Xanax right now. Even just holding the pill bottle and knowing I had them at hand would help. Knowing that they're forever gone and I'm on my own to cope with my brain? It's enough to make my panic even worse.

You're okay, Ariana, I tell myself. Remember what Dr. Maple says. Go through the steps. I clutch the fur around my shoulders that someone kindly offered me and try to think of my panic list. Dr. Maple gave me a card with ten steps on it when I started seeing him, and I've carried it with me everywhere ever since. When my panic's the worst, sometimes just reading through those steps while I'm waiting for my meds to kick in helps.

Except I don't have my purse. I don't even have shoes. I've got nothing and I woke up naked. All I've got are the clothes that someone else gave me. The weird boots on my feet are too floppy, and I don't have any panties.

Oh god, what am I going to do when I get my period?

I let out a little whimper and close my eyes. Steps. Steps. I need my steps. The girl next to me moans again, and the cold wind whips at my hair. My lungs hurt, a sure sign that I'm taking short, panicky breaths. That means I'm on the verge of a panic attack. Okay. I need to talk myself down. Steps, I remind myself. Step one is…

I don't remember. My panic flares all over again and I can feel a cold chill run under my skin, another sign that I'm about to lose my shit and go into full-blown panic mode.

I can't focus on that. If I can't remember step number one, I can move on. I know one of the steps is to Acknowledge Your Freakout. Yeah, I've got that one covered. I definitely am acknowledging it. After that, I'm supposed to focus on Breathing Deep. Don't Let Fear Conquer Me. Let the Feelings Happen and Move On. I seem to remember more of the steps than I thought, and I focus on repeating them in my head. Okay. I can do this. I can let the feelings happen. I can. Don't let fear conquer me.

A hysterical little laugh bubbles out of my throat at that. Don't let fear conquer me? Somehow I don't think Dr. Maple was thinking of my situation when he made that list. Of course I'm frightened. I'm going to die out here.

Another sob catches in my throat and I feel the shaky terror moving over me. My thoughts are racing and I can't concentrate. I'm definitely in the grips of a panic attack and I don't know how to calm myself. My mantra doesn't seem to apply at the moment.

Next to me, the brown-haired woman moans again, and when I open my eyes, she rubs her chest, right over her heart. Oh god. If she's feeling hers move maybe mine's not moving because it's dead? That means I'm going to die, too.

I know I'm catastrophizing, but I can't help myself. I can't stop thinking the worst. My brain just keeps firing terrible scenarios at me, and I can't stop crying. My body aches and I realize I'm taking tiny, gulping little breaths instead of the deep, calming ones I'm supposed to.

Focus on breathing, I chide myself. If nothing else, you can do that.

I drop onto my back in the snow and bend my knees in a pose that my therapist calls “corpse pose.” Of course, just the word “corpse” adds an edge to my panic, but I force it back and concentrate on breathing deep and meditating. In and out. In and out. Ignore the world around me and just focus on breathing. Ignore the low murmurs of chatter around me. The women who seem upset and crying. The low thrum of the blue aliens talking quietly amongst themselves. The whistle of the wind around us.

Just.

Focus.

On.

Breathing.

There's a low, throaty giggle that brings me out of my trance, because it's such a content sound and it seems out of place here. Who's freaking happy about this situation? I open my eyes and sit up, frowning. I glance over our little encampment. We're near a small copse of pink, spidery trees that provide no shade from the tepid suns and no relief from the wind that tears at my furs. The other women are clustered together, though I see a few of the big blue men have started to approach. One in a loincloth and nothing else offers a brown-haired woman another fur, while another scowls at all of us. A small woman with a broken leg hisses as someone splints her wound. A black woman hugs her knees and listens to another woman talk, her expression hollow. Everyone's got glowing blue eyes now. Off in the distance, I see the leader with the curly hair—Georgie? I think her name was—holding hands with one big blue alien and giving him a teasing smile that tells me she's not exactly miserable here.

Must be nice.

And over at my side, the girl who keeps pressing a hand to her chest? The one that feels her cootie moving? She's giggling again and biting her lip as she smiles at one of the aliens. Her hand is still pressed to her breast, but she doesn't look miserable that she can feel the thing anymore. As I stare, the warrior in leggings and boots (and nothing else) drops to his knees in front of her, tail twitching. His eyes are wide with wonder and he puts a hand over his own heart.

"I'm Nora," the girl beside me says, breathless and sexy. She can't take her eyes off the guy in front of her.

He looks equally enraptured. "I am Dagesh."

The way he pronounces it is strange, but it doesn't matter. Nora moans as if it's the sexiest thing she's ever heard of and reaches out to touch his chest, over his hand. "Are you…I thought mine was moving."

"It resonates," he tells her in thickly accented English. "You resonate for me. You are my mate."

"Oh," Nora breathes, and she doesn't sound upset at this at all. I bite back a hysterical sob. I thought we'd have more time before our cooties picked out mates. It's happening right now? I don't even have my own clothes yet. It hasn't even been a day and we're already being paired off. The gaze of the other men as they stare at us suddenly seems less curious and more ominous. Are they watching us because they too want to see who they pair up with?

Dagesh helps Nora to her feet, and before I can blink, he scoops her up in his arms and carries her off into the snow. The others just watch with amusement, as if this is cute.

I find it horrifying. A fresh new sob breaks in my throat and a few of the others glance over at me, frowning. I know I'm being a crybaby, but it's all so frightening. Do they think I want to cry? I want to be as calm as everyone else, but I can't seem to stop freaking out.

Corpse pose, I tell myself. Go back into corpse pose and practice breathing.

I slide onto my back once more and close my eyes. Breathe in. Out. In. Out. Ignore the fact that Nora just ran off to make out with a stranger. Breathe.

"Are you well?"

I open my eyes and stare up at a puzzled male face.

The first thing I notice is that…he's pretty. No, he's more than pretty. He's handsome in that rugged, overly masculine sort of way that these guys all seem to have. His brow is thick and ridged, edging up to the sweep of horns that starts at his hairline and arches over his thick wealth of black hair that tumbles forward over his shoulders and looks so much prettier than mine ever did. His eyes are curious and wide and if his nose is a little too sharp, it's set off by the fullness of his mouth. He tilts his head, regarding me as I lie back in the snow. "Feel sick?"

Even his accented voice is pretty. I shake my head, biting back my tears. "N-no. I'm okay."

I'm really, really not okay, but I feel like it'd be impossible to explain to him how I'm truly feeling. Plus, I'm already getting ugly looks. No one wants to hear me bawl about how stressed out and anxious I am at the thought of never having my anxiety meds ever again.

"Ah," is all he says. He squats next to me, as if he's not going anywhere, and offers me another friendly look. "Would you like to eat?"

I sit up slowly, since it's clear he's not leaving. Am I hungry? No. When I get anxious, my stomach feels small and hard and achy and it's impossible to eat. But I'm also afraid of seeming like more of a problem than I already am. Maybe I should try to eat. I sniff and wipe at the tears that stream down my face. They feel hard, as if they're icing up even as they fall, which just makes me want to cry more. "Eat?"

"Yes. Fresh meat." He nods as if this will solve all my problems. "I can get you some if you hunger."

I swallow hard and glance over at the far end of the copse of trees. There in the snow is the massive corpse of the creature they killed to give us our cooties. It's bigger than several elephants put together and there's dark blood staining the thing's fur and the snow around it. One side of the thing has been torn open and I can still see innards gleaming as they ice over in the cold. Do I want to eat? Oh god, I do not. "Um…that thing?"

"The sa-kohtsk?" He chuckles. "Not unless we are starving. The meat is not a pleasant taste, but if there was time to smoke it and rub it with salt, it would be a worthwhile meal. Did you want some?" He gets to his feet as if ready to go and retrieve me some.

"No," I say quickly. Looking at that thing, I don't think I could eat another bite for weeks. Maybe months. In fact, the sight of it makes me want to become a vegetarian—another thing that's probably not an option on this planet. I sniff again.

"I am Zolaya," he says, and smiles at me, revealing white teeth and two long, sharp fangs in front.

I hug the furs closer to my chest, not sure what to say. I don't want to encourage him, because I'm terrified of him thinking I'm his mate. "Hi," I manage to choke out, and another tear leaks down my cheek.

His friendly expression softens a bit and he sits down in the snow next to me. His legs cross and he leans over them, as casual as could be, as if we're buddies sitting around an imaginary campfire. I just stare at him, trembling, waiting to see what he does next. What does he want?

As moments pass, his actions grow even more bewildering. He just sits next to me, looking around as if he's got nowhere in the world to be but here.

"What?" I blurt out, unable to stand it any longer. "What do you want?"

He looks surprised and pleased at my response. "I want nothing. You looked as if you needed a friend."

I hug the furs tighter against my chest. "I don't want a friend like N-Nora did," I tell him and tremble, anticipating his angry response.

The alien—Zolaya—just grins. "That is resonance. You would know if it happened." He closes a fist and presses it against his chest. "Every hunter hopes for it."

"Not me," I breathe. "I have enough problems."

He nods again, assessing my words. "You look upset."

"Of course I'm upset," I tell him, my words taking on a hysterical note.

"Not like the others," he says quietly, leaning in. "Is there a way I can help?"

I'm startled at the offer. He hasn't mocked me or scowled at me because I can't stop crying. He just looks at me with understanding and offers help. Maybe…maybe I'll find a friend here after all.

I'm so relieved at the thought that I burst into fresh new tears.

"Here," he murmurs, pulling at my piled-on furs and giving me a fresh corner. "You will need to find new dry spots of fur to cleanse your cheeks or it will stick to your face."

The thought is so incredibly silly that I burst into teary laughter.

"That is better," he tells me, pleased. "So…I am Zolaya. You did not tell me your name yet, little sad bird."

Oh. I guess that's rude. I wipe my face and offer him a tremulous smile. "I'm Ariana."

3

ZOLAYA

"T  hat is a mouthful," I tell her, pleased that she has stopped her crying long enough to give me her name.

She gives a little snort as if I am ridiculous. "No more than yours is."

I rub my chin. "This is truth. Do many of your people have such long names as you do, Ar-yee-yon-yah?" I deliberately pronounce her name wrong, desperate to wring another chuckle from her. Anything to make her smile.

I am rewarded with a soft giggle. "Air-ee-aw-uh," she corrects, and then her lips tilt in a reluctant curve up. "But my friends call me Air-ee."

"Now that I can fit my tongue around," I tease, wondering if she will pick up my flirty meaning. I am not normally so bold, but there is something about her fragility that fascinates me. When her cheeks turn flushed with color, I wonder if I have gone too far. "So, we are now friends, Air-ee. I like this."

She looks as if she is still contemplating that. Her hands hitch the blankets tighter around her shoulders, as if she can somehow hide underneath them and pretend this world does not exist. I notice her fingers tremble like leaves and her face is very pale. This is more than the sorrow and upset that the other females have. There is true terror here, and I wonder at it. Are we so fearsome? Or is it something else?

But she lifts her chin—so brave—and gives me another curious look. "Do you have a nickname?"

"You may give me one," I tell her proudly.

"Can I call you Zo-Zo?"

"Not that one," I say, disgusted. It sounds…foolish. My response earns another snicker, though, and I decide to go on. "You do not wish for me to call you Air-Air, do you? I sound like a scythe-beak calling for its kits."

Her eyes widen and she snorts again. I notice as she relaxes, the color starts to return to her face. That is good. She is distracted. My poor little sad bird. I wonder at what goes on in her mind, what has alarmed her so. She has reason to be afraid, of course, but surely as time passes it should ease. Hers only seems to deepen.

"Zo-lie sounds a little weird on my tongue," she admits to me. "And so does Lie-uh. Maybe just Zo?"

"If you like that, it shall be so."

"But not Zo-Zo." It takes me a moment to realize she is teasing in her timid, awkward way.

"Not if you wish for me to retain my virility as a hunter." I straighten my shoulders and pretend to mock swagger. "Look at that fierce beast that has been felled! Who was it, you ask? Why it was the great hunter…Zo-Zo."

Her lips twitch and the tears have stopped falling from her eyes. "I guess that does seem a little…ill-fitting."

"I should have a strong, manly name," I tease her, fascinated. Of all the humans, she is one of the most delicate. There is a tiny one with a broken leg sitting with the others, but she chatters on and on to any that will listen, which tells me her spirit is stronger than her form. This one with the big name, she seems more fragile in spirit, more wounded. She looks as if she needs a friend more than any other, and I can tell that her crying and her fear have worn the others thin. They do not look at her with sympathy as the afternoon slides toward night, but ease toward annoyance and puzzlement. Like she is a problem.

I do not think of her as such. I simply see her sadness and terror and want to help. So, if I must be a fool to bring a smile to her face, I shall do so. "Why were you lying back in the snow? Were you tired?" I ask, curious.

Air-ee brushes her mane back from her face and shakes her head. "I don't think I could sleep if I tried. Too…clenched." She purses her lips. "I was practicing my breathing."

"Practicing…breathing? Did you forget how?"

Her sputtered laugh makes me feel warm and she just half-smiles at me and shakes her head again. "It's a calming exercise."

"Ah." I study her. She is more aware than I thought. When her gaze flicks over to the others, I see the wariness creep back in. She knows she is not well liked, and it makes me even more protective of her. I want to pull her against my chest and shield her away from the harshness of this place, the disdainful looks of the others when she cries. I would protect her from all of it. But I do not think she would welcome my touch.

Not yet.

Air-ee glances behind her and frowns. "Is…Nora coming back?"

"Not until Dagesh has filled her belly with kit, I imagine." I give her a curious look. "Are you envious?"

Her eyes go wide with surprise. "I…no! I just…" She puts a hand to her chest, over the too-baggy tunic she wears. I notice it is Pashov's cold-weather tunic and I feel a stab of jealousy that she is wearing his clothing. I do not like that. "She said she could feel it moving," Air-ee explains, and her fingers move over the tunic, clenching it. "Is…is it supposed to? Or is there something wrong with mine?"

"It only moves if you resonate," I tell her, and she looks strangely relieved, the tension in her shoulders easing.

"Oh."

"You can listen to my chest if you like. Hear how quiet mine is." I gesture at my bare skin, wondering if she will be brave enough to put her small pink ear there. I should like that. But she only blushes and shakes her head, huddling under the blankets.

There is an exclamation from the group and both Air-ee and I glance over. Pashov pushes forward even as a brown-maned female with a sturdy figure jumps to her feet. The song of resonance fills the air, thrumming over the conversation, and as I watch, Pashov pulls the female into his arms and twirls her about. She presses her face against his—surprising him—and then loops her arms around his neck.

"Another resonance," I tell Air-ee as we watch the new pair hold hands and race off into the snowy plain, looking for privacy. I am envious of Pashov and his newfound happiness. My khui remains silent, as if it is still choosing, or has decided against such measures.

"Is this common?" she asks, and I can tell her fear is rising again. As she speaks, another female with a dark black mane and pale skin gets to her feet and grabs the front of Zennek's tunic and then pulls his face against hers. Another, then.

I bite back my growl of jealousy. Will all of the hunters resonate this day except me? "Not common," I tell her. "Our tribe had only a few females before your arrival." I have not seen many resonances in my day. Females are too rare. I should be glad that my friends are receiving their heart's desires, but I cannot help but selfishly think of myself.

Air-ee licks her lips and glances back at me. "I appreciate the company, Zolaya—"

"Zo," I remind her, liking the nickname.

"Zo," she agrees, her small face still so sad and worried. "But maybe you should be with the others instead of me if you want to get a mate."

I rub my chin, grinning ruefully. "Am I that obvious?"

She pinches her thumb and forefinger together. "A little."

I shrug and pretend not to care. "If it happens, it will happen regardless of where I stand. I can sit here and wait for my khui to sing out its need. Once it finds its female, there will be no quieting it."

Air-ee's hand clenches over her tunic again. "What if you don't want it to happen?"

"Resonance always chooses," I tell her, but there is an odd feeling in my chest. A tremble, and then a low, thrumming feeling that grows stronger with every passing moment. I am shocked, and then joy bolts through me, making me leap to my feet. I gaze around the group of females but none seem to catch my eye…

Until I look back down at Air-ee, huddled in the snow. My khui sings out, then, loud and enthusiastic.

"But what if you don't want it?" she whispers, and clutches at her tunic with desperation as she gazes up at me.

What if, indeed.

4

ZOLAYA

L ike all sa-khui males, I never considered that I would resonate…and my female would not be interested. It is the dream of every male to be paired up with his perfect female, a dream I never thought would happen for me as our tribe narrowed down turn after turn of the seasons, until there were no unmated females left. I thought I would be as old Vadren, who spent his life on the trails, serving the tribe with his hunting skills and never having a family of his own. It wasn't until I saw the human females that I realized that I might have a different path.

And I wanted it desperately.

I am not displeased with Air-ee as a mate. Though her name is long and tongue-tangling, her face is sweet for all its flatness and her voice lovely. I am fascinated by the bounce of her overlarge teats and the delicacy of her small human frame.

But she is terrified. She does not want a mate.

I hear the sound of my khui, singing in vain. I hear Air-ee's new khui singing back to me, and the sound is the most beautiful thing I have ever heard.

Even as I enjoy the songs, though, I see her eyes fill with tears. I see the despair in her face.

She is still frightened and afraid. And I do not know what to say to comfort her. She looks up at me with misery in her eyes and I do the only thing I can think of—I pat her shoulder awkwardly and then get up and leave so she will have space.

It is the most difficult thing I have ever done. Every instinct in my body tells me to gather my mate in my arms and hold her close, to comfort her until her sadness changes to joy. To touch her until she touches me back and resonance can be fulfilled.

But Air-ee does not want this. Not right now. So I will wait, even though it is hurting my spirit. She needs time to understand what has happened, and if I can give her nothing else, I can give her time.

So I force myself to walk away, one foot in front of the other. My lungs feel as if they are bursting and my cock aches like an icicle in my loincloth. I furtively adjust my length so it is not noticeable and pull the leather over it in the hopes of hiding the fact that I am hard. That means no thinking of Air-ee. No thinking of her soft brown mane or her strangely pale skin or the tiny nose that seems like an afterthought. The pink plumpness of her mouth and…

And this is not helping. I shake my head to clear it and pace at the edges of camp, watching the others and trying to walk off the khui song that makes my entire chest vibrate with need. I need a distraction, I think. One that is not female and human and resonating back to me. In my next pass around the encampment, I see my chief talking to a few of the other hunters and move toward them to listen in. Perhaps he is assigning tasks. I could use something to take my mind off of Air-ee and her sad, wet eyes.

Vektal nods at me as I approach, and immediately it feels like a mistake. My chief has a contented look on his features that I have never seen before. He also reeks of mating, which only makes the ache inside me worse. "The others will be back once they have satisfied resonance," Vektal says. "But this is not a good spot to camp. We must move on and get the females away from the dead sa-kohtsk so the scent of blood does not draw predators."

"Tonight?" Salukh asks. "Or do we wait until the morning and set a guard for this evening?"

Vektal shakes his head, arms crossed. "Tonight. I know the females are tired, but it will do them good to walk for a time. There are a few hours to sunset and we can put some distance between us and the sa-kohtsk." He pauses and then adds, "I want to make sure the humans are nowhere near this place if the other aliens that brought them here return."

I nod, because it makes sense. This is not a safe spot. There is no shelter or cover, and if the weather turns we are out in the open.

"What of the others?" Haeden asks, looking sour. "Zennek and Pashov and Dagesh? Raahosh? They carried their females off to find privacy."

"They will be back," Vektal says. "Except Raahosh, I suspect. He will not return until his female is his, and I suspect that will be a while yet."

Haeden just snorts as if the idea of a female resisting is a ridiculous one.

"We can leave a few of the unmated hunters in this spot to meet with them when they return, instruct them to head to the Elders’ Cave. We will take the females there and shelter in its walls until all of the mated pairs have returned and the females are given the language by the com-pu-turr."

I grunt acknowledgment, because his plan is sensible. The Elders’ Cave is a natural place to go to. Less than a half a day's journey on foot for a hunter, and with sturdy walls and a spacious interior, it should hold all of our party until the humans have recovered enough to finish the walk back to the home cave. I think of the strange lights that lit up on the walls and the way the cave talked—and the red light it beamed into our eyes to give us the human words. Will my Air-ee be frightened of it? Or will she recognize such a thing and calm herself? I am curious to know.

I am even more curious to hear her speak the tongue of sa-khui. I like the thought of her soft, husky voice curling around my people's words…and my cock likes that idea as well.

"We need a few unmated males to stay behind," Vektal continues, his gaze distant as he looks off to the edge of camp. I follow his gaze and see that he stares at his new mate, the one with the curly mane and the unpronounceable name. He snaps back to himself with a little shake of his head and looks over at me. "Zolaya, you, Haeden, and Salukh will stay behind. Aehako, Rokan and I will take—"

"Actually," I begin, and just thinking of Air-ee makes my chest thunder with resonance. The sound is so loud and insistent it makes my body shake and sends a shiver of pleasure down my spine. I bite back my groan, because the others are staring at me in surprise.

"You resonated?" Salukh asks, curious.

I nod and cannot help the pride in my voice even as I curl a hand over my chest as if to quiet my racing heart and loudly thrumming khui. "To Air-ee-aw-nuh."

"The weepy one?" Haeden makes a disgusted noise. "Your khui has poor taste in females—"

I do not think. My mind blisters with rage at his words and the next thing I know, he is in the snow and I am on top of him, raising a fist. There is a shout and someone pulls me off of him—Salukh, perhaps.

Vektal steps between us and Haeden picks himself up from the snow, scowling. "No fighting," the chief says, and casts an angry look at Haeden. "And that was a cruel thing to say. The females are scared. They have every reason to be. Give Air-ee-aw-nuh time to prove herself. It has not yet been a day for her."

Haeden's jaw sets in a stubborn frown and I glare at him, my heart pounding in my chest and the rage thundering in my body right alongside the resonance. "It was not well done of me," Haeden admits. "You have my apologies, Zolaya."

I nod, because I am too stiff with emotion to do more than that. I know he does not mean such a thing. I know his heart is full of bitterness because of the death of his mate before they could ever resonate. I know many ugly things gnaw at Haeden's soul.

But he will not speak ill of my mate again. Ever. I bare my fangs at him in silent anger.

Vektal puts a hand on my shoulder. "Go to your mate. Spend your time with her. If you resonated, you should not be with us. You should be at her side."

I cast him a frustrated look and then push away with a nod. If nothing else, I can keep Air-ee company, I suppose. Just being around her feels like a pleasure, tears or not.

And if I stay here any longer, I might be tempted to attack Haeden again, no matter how well-intentioned he is or the wounds he carries. He does not mock my mate. Never.

5

ARIANA

"We're leaving?"

I'm a little surprised when Zolaya returns and helps me to my feet. Flustered, too. I hadn't quite expected him to run off right after we resonated, but he took one look at me and left, and I couldn't help but wonder if he was upset that he was now stuck with the weepy, whiny human.

My anxiety had a real field day with that.

But he's back, and as he moves to my side, I notice that others are helping women to their feet. Zolaya straightens the front of my furs and then pulls out a long cord from a pouch at his belt. "Here," he says, looping his arms around my waist as he pulls the cord around me. "Tie your furs down around your body. It cuts down on the air that makes it feel cold."

"Oh." That's all I can manage as he leans in, because I'm much smaller than him. I think I'm also a little more…booby than he expected, because his face practically smashes into my boobs and he gets this weird expression on his face as if he just realized where he was about to plant his chin. I can feel myself blushing as my cootie revs up, like it's starting its engine. One of the other aliens passes by and gives us a knowing little smirk, and it just makes me blush that much harder.

"There," Zolaya says as he finishes tying the furs at my waist. "That is better." He pulls one loose length free and makes a hood out of it, tucking my hair under like I'm a child he's dressing for school.

"Where are we going?" I ask, my voice small. I can feel my anxiety fluttering, ready to turn into a full-blown panic attack at a moment's notice.

"We go to the Elders’ Cave," he explains to me, his voice rich and smooth and buttery and so soothing it makes me want to curl up inside it. The smile he sends in my direction makes me feel warm…almost. I'm pretty sure my toes are still frozen.

"Your elders or mine?"

He laughs, and my cootie responds with a purr of happiness, making his fire up as well. "My ancestors, I am afraid." He grins at me and gestures at his back, then kneels down in the snow in front of me. "I can carry you if you are tired."

Oh. Carry me? I'm not sure what to think of that. I am tired. So tired. The panic I've been fighting for the last day is exhausting and I'd like nothing more than to let someone else walk instead of me. I glance over at the group and the other women are getting to their feet, preparing for the journey. Josie with her splinted leg balances heavily on her good foot and then one of the male aliens grabs her and slings her over his back as if she's a sack of potatoes. Everyone else seems to be walking, though.

I don't want them to think worse of me than they already do. If I let him carry me, will they think I'm lazy? Worse, will he? "I can walk," I tell him, trying to sound braver than I feel. "Is it far?"

"Not very far at all," Zolaya says in a cheerful voice. "I will keep you company."

"Do…do you have to help the others?" I look over at the other girls nearby, the ones that don't have a guy waiting on them hand and foot.

He shakes his head and gives me a sheepish smile. "I am to stay at your side." He touches his chest and I realize that duh, of course he is. He's resonating to me. He didn't carry me off like Nora was carried off, though, or the other girls. It's weird, but I feel a little disappointed that he didn't sweep me off my feet and carry me into the wild. Is there something wrong with me that's making him stop?

I mean, not that I want him to drag me away…but I also don't want him to think I'm terrible. Maybe he hates my crying. I bite my fingernails, worried.

"Come," he says, and extends a hand to me. "We will walk side by side and you can ask me questions about my world."

I bite my lip and hesitate, because holding hands seems like a commitment, especially when you're resonating to a guy. But the look on Zolaya's face tells me there's nothing to fear. I have to trust someone, so I slide my hand into his.

Immediately, I sigh. "You're so warm." I clasp my other hand over his, holding the space heater of his palm between my chilled ones. Now that I have a cootie, I'm warmer overall…but that doesn't mean it's temperate here. It's more like going from Antarctic winter to winter anywhere else. Doesn't mean it's warm.

He goes very still, and the blue of his face seems to deepen. He clears his throat and turns away, and as he does, I see he's adjusting the front of his loincloth. Oh. But his hand remains clasped in mine, and he squeezes my fingers. It sends a warm ripple through my body, just that little squeeze, and I find that I don't want to let go of his hand. It's not even the warmth…it's the human contact.

Well, kinda human.

"I will make you gloves tonight," he promises me. "When we get to the Elders’ Cave and get you near a fire for warmth. That will be good, yes?"

"Sure." It beats staying out here with the big half-frozen dead beast a short distance away.

He squeezes my hand again and then gestures at the distance. "It is that way."

I look at the others around us, still preparing. A few of the warriors are dressing the other unmated women and layering their furs to protect them, but no one's getting the same individualized attention that I'm getting from Zolaya. It's because he's my mate, I remind myself. Not because I'm being singled out as a problem. I hope. "Do we need to wait for the others?" I ask.

Zolaya shakes his head, his long hair blowing in the wind. I'm covered in furs from head to toe and he's dressed in very little, but it doesn't seem to bother him. "They know the way. They will not be far behind." He steps forward and then watches me. "Choose your steps carefully. In some spots, the snow will get deep and can twist an ankle."

Oh boy. Now I have something new to worry about. I clutch his hand tightly.

"It will be all right," he reassures me as we walk. I realize I'm clutching his hand in a death grip as I slog through the snow. Every step feels like effort, and I just want to curl up and cry. Except you already do too much of that, the nasty voice in my head reminds me. And you don't want them to hate you more than they already do.

I can feel my anxiety returning, like the tide washing in. I focus on walking, on not tripping or twisting an ankle, because I don't want the others to hate me.

I don't want Zolaya to hate me most of all.

My cootie purrs and hums as I walk, and it feels almost as frantic as I do. My hand is sweaty in Zolaya's, but he doesn't complain. "I'm sorry," I tell him as I push through the deep snow.

He looks over at me in surprise. "You apologize. Why?"

"Because I'm not strong," I blurt out. "And I cry a lot. And the others don't like me. And—"

Zolaya makes a shushing sound even as he gives my hand a little squeeze. "There is no apology necessary. You have done nothing wrong."

"Stick around," I tell him, and then a sound bursts from my throat that's either a laugh or a sob or both.

"All will be well, I promise," he says in that smooth, rich voice of his that I could get lost in. His thumb idly strokes over the back of my hand and for some reason, feeling his skin against mine seems to help.

"You're very soft," I blurt out, and realize I'm crying again when my lashes start to stick together with ice. Damn it. Now I just feel like I'm crying as much as I'm breathing. Stupid anxiety. I hate it so much. I wish I didn't have it. I wish I was strong and brave like Georgie. I wish Zolaya had gotten someone else for a mate, and that just makes my stomach hurt even more because I desperately want him to like me more than everyone else anyhow.

"Soft?" He looks at me in surprise and chuckles. "It is not something a hunter is told often." His mouth quirks with amusement. "But since it comes from my pretty mate, I will take it as a compliment."

"Your skin," I clarify, and my cheeks feel hot even as I drag my feet through the snow. Every step feels like quicksand. It's at least up to my knees and it's slow going, but I don't want to give up. I don't want him to think I'm weak and wimpy. "Your skin feels like chamois or suede. It's the softest thing I've ever felt."

"Do you want to feel more of it?"

"No!" I blurt out quickly.

He throws his head back and laughs, and I realize he was teasing me. My wobbly laugh joins his.

"I tease you," Zolaya says as he chuckles. "I do not expect you to touch me. This is enough." And he indicates our hands. Even as he does, his cootie makes an insistent sound, and mine sings even louder, as if it's a competition.

"I was told…" I sniff and try to think of how to put it. "I was told that, uh, that isn't how the cootie works." I step forward and one leg goes deep, and I yelp as I surge into snow up to my waist.

"It is not how it works," he agrees, and hauls me up out of the snow, taking my other hand and helping me slog forward a few steps until it's back to a comfortable (ha) knee height. "But there is nothing that says we cannot be friends before we become mates. Our khuis have made their decision. We must give ourselves time for the rest of our bodies to catch up."

When he says it like that, it sounds so sensible. Practical. I nod, panting. "I just…" I let the words die. I wish he'd gotten someone better? I wish I wasn't anxious? I wish I wasn't here?

Might as well wish for a unicorn.

Zolaya turns in front of me and pauses, stopping our slow forward progress up the white, snowy hills. Snow flecks drift from the gray sky and swarm over us, but he ignores them. His intense glowing blue gaze is fixed on me, and his hands are so, so warm in mine. "I will be patient, Air-ee. I am your friend. Whatever it takes to make you feel comfortable and happy, we will do so."

It's such a sweet, understanding thing to say that I feel like sobbing all over again. He doesn't understand what's going on in my head, but he's being so, so nice. It just makes me feel worse. But all I can choke out is a feeble, "Okay."

He glances behind me and then leans in. "We are out of sight of the others. Are you sure you do not wish for me to carry you?"

I hesitate. I'm so exhausted. My hands shake in his, and I'm not sure if it's because of the resonance or my anxiety or sheer physical exertion. I'm an anthropology student at Princeton. The most exercise I get is rushing between classes. This is all new to me. But letting him carry me feels like I'm letting him down somehow. I glance backward and sure enough, we've crested a hill and I can't see anyone behind us. I can't see anything but more snow and distant, rocky cliffs that are as gray and bleak as the sky overhead. "You shouldn't carry me," I protest. "I should walk it. I've got two good legs."

"Your legs might be good, but they are short."

I'm so startled that I laugh, and he grins back at me. His warm, big hands squeeze mine again.

"We will go faster if I carry you," he admits. "And you can save your breath for asking me questions about my world."

He makes it sound like I'm doing him a favor. My frozen feet feel like blocks of ice and the thought of being carried sounds too tempting to protest. "If you're sure…"

Zolaya looks delighted. "I would love nothing more."

6

ZOLAYA

By the time we make it to the cave, Air-ee is sliding off my back she is so weak and exhausted. We are the first to arrive, so I settle her near the firepit and build it up while she clutches her furs and watches me with weary eyes. I set up a tripod and hang a pouch to warm up water for tea, then rummage through the stores here in the cave to find more blankets and supplies. The others will be here soon enough, but I will take what my Air-ee needs first. I tuck more blankets around her, and then while she sips tea, I cut out leather and begin to stitch crude gloves for her so she will not be so cold when we travel again.

She is silent, gazing into the fire. When I prompt her, she answers, but it is as if she has all of the energy drained from her body with that small bit of travel. It is troubling to me, because our home cave is many hours of travel away. Carrying Air-ee slowed me down, but if she was that tired from riding on my back, I wonder how long it will take for us to return, and if she will have the strength.

My mate is so fragile. She tries very hard, but she does not have the strength. It is as if it is being sapped from within. I watch her as I work. Her eyelids are heavy with exhaustion, but she does not sleep. Instead, she watches as the others slowly trickle in, moving toward the fire. The tension in her shoulders returns, and I can see that she twitches with every person that looks over at her. Something about them makes her worried. I watch them, too, but I do not see a problem. I only see tired, hungry females who want nothing more than to come out of the cold and a few disappointed hunters who have not resonated.

After dinner, the females settle down into piles of furs and go to sleep. The hunters are quiet as well, with Aehako and Rokan trading off watch duties at the entrance. Vektal disappears with his mate into the depths of the cave, no doubt to fulfill resonance once more. I wonder if my Air-ee would like to do the same. Not to fulfill resonance, but simply to get away from the others.

My khui hums and sings incessantly and I rub my chest, gazing at my mate as she stares dully into the fire. I cannot get past the idea that something here is very wrong. There is something I am not seeing and I feel as if I am failing my new mate. I start to get up, but Air-ee immediately lies down and turns on her side, closing her eyes.

I sit back down once more. Sleep will be good for her. Whatever thoughts chase themselves in my head can wait until the morning. My khui's ravenous need can wait one more day. Air-ee needs her rest.

I finish her gloves. They are crude things but will keep her hands safe from the biting chill of the wind. I stir the fire again, since the humans gathered around it still look as if they are cold, and make more tea for all. I keep close to Air-ee, because even if I wanted to leave her side, I could not. I cannot walk away from her. Not when my khui sings and sings and sings.

Eventually, all go to sleep and I lie down in my furs next to Air-ee. We do not touch—she will not allow that yet—but I close my eyes and keep my senses attuned to her. As I relax, she shifts in her bed.

A moment later, she shifts again.

And again.

I ease one eye open and see that she has moved flat onto her back, her knees bent. She puts a hand on her stomach and takes deep, long breaths. Even in the dark, I can see that she is trembling.

Her terror has overtaken her again.

For a moment, I feel helpless. I do not know what to do to help her. It is clear to me that she struggles, and she needs sleep. But as she breathes, over and over again, restlessly shifting, I realize she cannot sleep. There is something in her mind stopping her.

Wordless, I reach over and brush my fingers against hers, offering my hand.

At first, I think she will not take it. I think she will ignore me and continue to pretend to sleep. Instead, she clasps it and clutches my hand so tightly that it makes my heart ache for her. She swallows hard and swipes at her wet eyes with her other hand, then squeezes my fingers in a silent acknowledgment.

I squeeze hers back, just to let her know I am here. That she is not alone.

Her breathing slows. Even as her hand tightly grips mine, I can see that her body relaxes. It takes time, but eventually she is able to fall asleep, still latched on to my hand as if it is the only thing that keeps her together.

There is no sleep for me this night. I watch her instead, as if I can somehow figure out what is happening in her mind.

My fragile, brave mate.

AIR-EE SEEMS EQUALLY EXHAUSTED in the morning, with deep smudges under her eyes. I am concerned, but the healer is back with the tribe. Perhaps this is a human thing and she will get better given time. The other humans seem to be improving. After having their khuis for a day, their expressions are brighter, bruises are fading, and even Jo-see's broken leg is healing quickly. Everyone seems to be doing well.

Except for my Air-ee.

She twists the hem of her too-big tunic as she sits near the fire, listening to the others talk as a warm stew is ladled out for a meal. I am torn between wanting to hover over her and see to her needs, and giving her the space she wants. She sits with the females, but I notice she does not talk to them, only listens. Her hands tremble and when she wrings her tunic over and over, I worry that she is not as calm as she looks. It is as if she is trying very hard to seem like nothing is wrong, but there is tension in her shoulders, and I suspect it has nothing to do with resonance.

I feel as if resonance is the least of her worries at the moment, which is strange. My thoughts are consumed with her—of touching her pale human skin, caressing her body, peeling the tunic off of her and revealing her teats and tail-less bottom. Pulling her under me and making her mine. My khui hums and sings with a fierce song, and I can hear hers as well, but all she does is rub her chest and ignore it. I think of how she held my hand last night, so desperate. I do not know what to do. It is as if something boils inside her mind, waiting to erupt. So I watch, and I wait, and I hope I am wrong. I hope that she will turn to me later this day, take my hand, and lead me into the recesses of the Elders’ Cave so I can claim her as my mate.

After the females have eaten, Vektal and his mate Shorshie return to the group. I notice enviously that Vektal's skin is sweaty and his mate is flushed and disheveled. It is clear that they have been mating, and I look over at Air-ee with longing, but she is staring off into space, twisting and twisting the edge of her tunic. Her thoughts are not with the group. Her thoughts are not with me. I do not know where she is.

"Well," Shorshie says as she approaches the group. "If everyone's rested up, we should probably get you the language beam from the computer."

I do not understand some of her words, and it seems I am not the only one. "Language beam?" one female with a short yellow mane asks. "What's that?"

Shorshie taps the corner of her eye. "The computers here are a few hundred years old but they still work, and they have the ability to beam the sa-khui language into your mind. It's a red laser and it goes right through here and into your head. I don't know how it works, just that it does. I had it done a few days ago. Everyone else needs to get it done so when we return to the tribe's cave, there will be no problems communicating. The native culture here is very different from ours and we want to make sure there are no misunderstandings." Her cheeks turn bright pink and she looks over at Vektal, who just grins.

"Does it hurt?" another female asks, and as I watch, my Air-ee stiffens, her attention locking on to Shorshie.

"Not really. It'll give you a headache and it does knock you unconscious for a while though."

"Is it safe?" I am surprised to hear it is my Air-ee-aw-nuh who asks this, and her hands clench and unclench on the edge of her tunic. She looks as brittle as ice, my mate.

Shorshie looks puzzled by this question. "It seems to be."

"But the computer's old," Air-ee continues, a worried tremor in her voice. "How do we know it's a hundred percent safe? How do we know the computer's not going to burn a hole right into our heads by mistake?"

The others are starting to look concerned. Vektal looks displeased that Air-ee would ask such a thing, and Shorshie's expression turns into a little frown. "It's not going to burn a hole into your head," the chief's mate begins.

"But what if the laser is off its target? It's been here hundreds of years, right? What if…what if something goes wrong and it shoots the wrong spot in my head instead of the part that gets the language? What if it blinds someone or something else? Even people that have LASIK surgery still have complications. I've heard—"

Shorshie raises a hand and my mate goes silent. "You're just making trouble, Ariana. Let's not go down that road, okay? Unless you're a language savant, it's really in everyone's best interests to go in speaking the native tongue. Maybe you more than anyone else—"

"Me?" Air-ee makes a strangled sound. "Why me?"

Shorshie glances over at Vektal again. "Because you resonated, like me. Like I said, we want to make sure there are as few misunderstandings as possible. They're bound to happen given our different cultures, but speaking the language will help. And it's safe enough, I promise."

The chief's mate makes a convincing speech, but even more than that, her manner is reassuring. The other females were getting nervous at my Air-ee's questions, but Shorshie's calm eases their fears. Shorshie gestures at the group. "Follow me. We'll get this taken care of and you'll be back on your feet by dinnertime."

Vektal turns and follows his mate, a besotted expression on his face. I know that look. I imagine it on my face when I gaze at Air-ee. The other humans get to their feet, murmuring in low voices as they follow the chief and his mate into the depths of the Elders’ Cave.

All except my Air-ee. She remains frozen in place, her hand clenched on the hem of her tunic. She does not follow. From the doorway where he watches, Aehako gives me a curious look.

I move to my mate's side and touch her arm. "Air-ee?"

She gives me a stare of such intense terror that my gut clenches. Her face is as pale as the snow outside, her lips bloodless. "Zo, don't make me do this. I can't. I can't!" Her voice raises a hysterical note, and the others pause to look back at her.

The sound of my nickname on her lips makes my body respond, even though the moment is not an appropriate one. I fight back the groan that rises and move to her side, because in her terror, she has turned to me. She needs me.

I will not let her down.

I move to take her hand in mine, and she clutches my fingers tightly, her palm sweaty with fear. Her eyes are wide and terrified and I realize the mind-numbing terror has taken over her again.

Shorshie moves forward as if to talk to Air-ee, but I step in front of my mate and shake my head at her. I need to calm my Air-ee before anyone can touch her.

I turn to my mate and cup her face in my hands. I can feel her trembling and it makes my heart ache. “Come. Let us go somewhere quiet and talk.” I stroke my thumbs over her soft cheeks. “I will not let anyone harm you, this I promise.”

She gazes up at me, taking quick, shallow breaths, and for a moment I wonder if she is even hearing what I say. But then she gives me a shaky nod, agreeing.

I wrap my arms around her to steady her—and because I am feeling protective. I expect her to push me away, but she melts against me as if she needs my strength or the feel of my body. My khui begins its urgent song again and I nod over my shoulder at my chief and his mate. “Begin without us.”

I will find out what is bothering my Air-ee and I will help her. The time for observing is past. It is clear she needs more than I am giving her.

The time for that has passed, too.

7

ZOLAYA

I  guide my mate to the entrance of the Elders’ Cave. Aehako steps to the side to let us pass, but I move to where Air-ee’s furs are hung to dry out from the snow and carefully bundle her up, then pull her mane free from her collar. I do not want her to be cold, and we might be outside for a while. We will be outside for as long as it takes for her to feel comfortable, I decide. If that means I have to haul her away to a cave like Raahosh, I shall.

Once she is bundled up, I toss a fur cloak over my back, take her gloved hand and pull her out into the snow.

Her hand is tight in mine as I lead her down the walkway from the Elders’ Cave back into the snows. It is an open field around the cave, full of nothing but powdery drifts, but this is not a good place for us to talk. Air-ee needs to be away from the others. She needs a sense of security and I need to take her someplace where she will not feel rushed to answer me. I gaze around and see the start of a rocky cliff off in the distance, trees lining the edge and bushes crowding in a line along the ridge, where the snows are not as deep. There, then. "Let us go for a walk," I tell her. "Or would you rather I carry you?"

Air-ee's distraught gaze meets mine. "Because I'm weak?"

"Because you are tired and your legs are short," I explain to her as we step forward. The snow is only ankle height here, but already she struggles. I guide her a little farther away from the cave entrance, so Aehako will not overhear our conversation. The words we share are for our ears alone. When we are a safe distance away, I turn to her and brush my knuckles over her cold cheek. "Air-ee, whatever you tell me is between us. You do not have to pretend to be something you are not. I offer to carry you because you have had a difficult experience and you are still adjusting to my world." I stroke her soft, soft skin because I cannot stop touching her. "If you are too tired to walk, I am happy to carry you. If you want to walk, I am happy to slow my steps and hold your hand." I smile at her gently. "I am just happy to be with you."

She is silent. Her lower lip quivers and she moves a little closer to me. Her hands curl on my chest, and I wish I could feel them, but she wears the crude mitts I made for her. "Would I be the worst if I said I was tired?"

"You would not be the worst," I reassure her. "And my legs are very strong."

"I noticed." Her face flames bright red. "That's…not what I meant."

"Even if it is not, I am glad you noticed," I tell her with a teasing note in my voice, and resist the urge to flex my strong thighs in her direction. I kneel on the ground and indicate she should climb onto my back. It takes a moment, but she loops one arm around my neck and her short legs hitch around my waist, and then she is on me, her weight no more than that of a heavy fur. It is nothing at all to carry, and I tell her so.

“I just…I don’t want the others to think I’m a wimp.”

I do not care what the others think, because they will not dare be cruel to her in my presence, but I understand. Of all the humans, she is the one with the most tears and a few of them have grown impatient with her. I resolve that she will never feel like she is less than worthy around me, even if it means I must work that much harder to make her feel content. She is worth it.

So I tell her, “You are not wimp, whatever that may be, and you weigh no more than a feather. It is a pleasure to carry you.” And I add a little spring in my step to show her so.

“Yeah, right,” is all she answers.

“It is true.” I hold her thighs against my sides and give them a squeeze. “This way I can feel your legs around me and I can pretend that touching you only has to do with carrying you.”

Air-ee is utterly silent for a long moment, and then a shocked, nervous giggle bursts from her throat. “I can’t believe you said that.”

“Can you not?” I love the sound of her laughter. It makes me feel good to hear her joy, even if it is only for a moment.

She sighs and buries her face in my hair. “Why are you being so nice to me, Zolaya?”

“Zo,” I remind her. “And I am being nice because I like you. It is not difficult at all.”

“You only like me because I’m your mate. Everyone else hates me.”

“Not true and not true,” I tell her easily. “I like you because you are easy to like. And everyone else does not hate you. They just do not understand you.” I pick up the pace, because she is talking and not crying and I want that to continue. “Hold on to me tightly, because we are going to go faster.”

“How far are we going?” she asks, and the worry returns to her voice. The arms around my neck tremble.

“Not far,” I promise her, and then gesture at the distant tree line. “Over there.”

She is quiet after that, and I cannot resist giving her fur-covered arm another caress as I jog through the snow, churning it in my wake. It does not take long for me to get there, and I am not even tired as I duck under the swaying limbs of the pale trees, mindful of my horns so I do not accidentally jab her in the face. I gently set my mate down in the spot where the ridge begins and the trees are clustered close together, because there is a natural wind-break here and I know it bites at her fragile skin.

Air-ee looks around with big eyes, clutching her fur wraps to her neck as I sweep off my fur cloak and set it atop the snow for her.

“Don’t you need that?” she asks, worried.

“Not at all. This is a pleasant day for me. I could wear nothing but my loincloth all day long and not grow cold. Plus, the movement keeps me warm.”

Air-ee nods, but she does not seem to relax. She just watches me, wary, as if waiting for something bad to happen.

“Sit,” I tell her, gesturing at my cloak. “I brought this for you.”

“But why?”

“Because it is cold?”

Exasperation shows on her face. “That’s not what I meant. Why are we out here?”

“Because you needed to get away from the others before you cried again.”

Her face flushes and she looks miserable. I can see her grip tighten on her tunic. “I’m sorry.”

I am puzzled by her response. Why does she feel she needs to apologize to me? “You have done nothing wrong. You just looked as if you needed to escape, so I thought we would come out here and talk.”

She sits down on the fur cloak with a heavy thump and pulls a glove off, swiping at her eyes. “Great, and now I’m crying again.”

I sit down across from her, folding my legs under me. “You can cry out here. No one will judge you here.”

Air-ee gives me a skeptical look, but then her face crumples and she starts to cry in earnest. “I’m sorry—”

“Again you apologize. Why?” I reach out and take her hand before she can swipe at her face once more. “Air-ee, there is something going on in your head and I wish to understand you.”

She tries to jerk her hand away from mine. “Because I don’t want to be lasered to death?”

I let her go, but the moment she drops her hand in her lap, I scoop it up again and hold her. She needs the physical contact between us. I remember last night how she held my hand and it calmed her. I will do so again today. “Do you truly think you will be lasered to death? That Shorshie and the others hate you so much that they would lie?”

Air-ee sniffs. “It’s not that I think they’re lying, it’s just…”

I wait.

She pauses and pulls her hand out of mine again. “You’re going to think I’m crazy.”

“I will not,” I reassure her. “There is nothing crazy about how you have acted. You are afraid and I am trying to understand why.” I offer her my hand again, this time face up and resting on my knee. “You are not alone, my Air-ee. Let me be your partner. Unburden your heart to me if it hurts.”

My mate takes in a shaky breath and stares at my hand for so long that I think she will refuse. Slowly, eventually, she reaches out and grips my hand. Her skin is clammy and sweaty despite the breeze and I can see the worry that makes her entire form shake. Her khui is silent, but mine sings, uncaring of her distress. I pay it no mind—Air-ee needs other things from me right now.

I stroke my thumb over the back of her hand and simply hold her, letting her know I am here. Letting her know she can speak when she wants. I will not rush her.

“It’s not just the lasers,” she tells me in a sudden rush. “It’s never that. It’s never just one single thing, actually. It’s everything.”

I nod as if I understand. Her gaze flicks back and forth as if she is trying to figure out how to put things.

“I have a human condition called ‘anxiety.’ I don’t know if your people get it, but mine do, and it’s horrible.” Her little laugh is choked, and she looks ready to cry once more.

“We get anxious,” I suggest. “When there are things to worry about—”

“No, that’s just it,” she interrupts. “My brain is constantly telling me that there are things to worry about. It’s like it can’t tell the difference between one small thing that shouldn’t be an issue, and one enormous thing that should be an issue. In my head, all things are enormous problems. It’s like…” She purses her lips and sniffs, and I realize she is crying once more. My heart aches for her, because it is clear she struggles, and I wish I could help more. “It’s like…my therapist calls it a mental avalanche.”

“An avalanche?” I echo, curious. “Your thoughts are falling like rocks?”

Air-ee gives another choked giggle. “Not exactly. It’s…” Her trembling hand squeezes mine. “You know how even the smallest thing can cause an avalanche? It might be a single pebble at the top of a hill, but then it gains momentum, and other rocks join it, and then it turns into this massive, unstoppable cascade…that’s what I mean by an avalanche. It might just be one tiny thing, but then my brain takes that and runs with it and tells me that the worst-case scenario is going to happen and then everything seems awful and I have a panic attack and can’t breathe and then my chest hurts and that just makes things worse—” Her words sling out of her, faster and faster, her movements more frantic. “And I know that I’m catastrophizing and that I’m making it worse than it really is, but my brain can’t stop thinking that everything is a huge problem, and the more I stress, the more wound up I become and the more wound up I become, the less it takes to trigger me and—”

“Shhh,” I murmur, because she looks as if she is about to come apart if she speaks one more word. “I understand.”

“You do?” She looks astonished.

“I think so.” I hold her hands tight in mine, just enjoying the feel of her fingers against my skin, the pleasure of simply touching my mate. If I could share how I felt in this moment, I would. Instead, I make my manner as calm as possible in the hopes that it will soothe her. “When I was a young boy, I decided I would go out hunting on my own. I was alone and felt very brave, and then there was an earth-shake.” I pause. “Do you have those in your world?”

“Earthquakes? Yes.” Her nod is jerky, her eyes wide, her hands tight in mine.

I continue. “I had no one nearby and it was such a strong earth-shake that it knocked me off my feet and nearly tumbled me off of the side of a ravine. Ever since then, I have been afraid of—”

“Earthquakes?” she asks breathlessly.

I give her a rueful smile. “Falling.”

Air-ee nods again, understanding in her eyes. She does not laugh.

“If I am up very high, my body clenches and I sweat no matter the weather. I feel sick and dizzy and my thoughts race as if they are being hunted. Some of the others do not understand it, but if I am up on a cliff and look down far below, I worry I will fall and it makes my body upset.” I squeeze her hand. “It sounds as if you have this, too, but instead of just one thing, it is many things.”

“Yes,” she breathes out, and she looks so relieved. “It’s everything. And when I’m worked up, I can’t stop and—” She pauses and bursts into tears again. “Like even right now,” she says between sobs. “I don’t know if I’m crying because I’m upset or if I’m crying because you understand or just because I’m worked up and this is the only outlet I have.”

Daring greatly, I reach out and pull her into my arms, dragging her into my lap. I settle her in the cradle of my arms and let her weep on my shoulder. “Tears are just tears. You can shed them. I do not mind.”

She sobs, nestling her face against my skin. “I d-don’t w-want you to think l-less of m-me, Zolaya.”

“I would never.” I stroke her soft, soft mane. “Because you are afraid? Because your mind tells you to be scared? You have already had to be brave through many things. I cannot imagine what it is like to wake up and find yourself in a place like this, with people that look like me.” I chuckle. “That must have been very frightful.”

My laugh causes her to give a watery one of her own. “I don’t think you’re ugly. I think you look really different, but I don’t think that’s bad. You probably think I’m ugly, though.” Her breath hitches and I can feel her tense.

I can just imagine her mind-avalanche starting with worry at the thought of me finding her ugly. “I do not,” I tell her firmly. “If it will ease your fears, I have been imagining you in my arms since you arrived.” Her fingers curl against my chest, and I add, “But in my dreams you are more naked.”

She gives another teary laugh, and her hand lightly slaps at the plates of my chest. “You’re the worst.”

“Terrible,” I agree. “I will say anything to make you smile.”

Her little chuckle is sweet, but then she lets out a tremulous sigh. Her body relaxes against me as I stroke her hair and rub her shoulders, and I can feel her slowly easing, the tension in her body ebbing. “I think the others hate me,” she confesses. “Some of them were giving me ugly looks because I cried.”

“They are all doing their best to be brave,” I admit. “Perhaps some are trying to out-brave the others. They will have their mental avalanche, too. They are just doing their best not to have it in front of everyone else.”

She snorts and I feel her warm breath against my skin before it is carried away by the breeze. “Or they’re just assholes.”

The mental image that the human saying sends to my mind does not match up. It must be a wrong word. “They simply have not had the chance to know you yet. Everyone will need time to settle in.”

“I guess.” Her breathing shudders, but her tears are slowing, I think. She reaches out and strokes my braid, and my cock stiffens in response. She twines her fingers around it, wrapping the thick cord of it around her hand. “It’s not the language laser beam as much as it is everything. My body’s just been in panic mode since I woke up and I’m all out of medication.”

“Medication,” I echo, tasting the word. It has meaning in her world but not truly in ours. “Like herbs when you are not feeling well? There are herbs for panicky minds?”

“Kind of.” She keeps stroking my braid and her words sound a little drowsy, as if all of her panic has fled and left her exhausted. I can hear the gentle sound of her khui beginning to hum, and mine joins in. “I don’t know if they’re herbs as much as they’re compounds that I take and they make my brain go quiet. I have some that I take daily and I have a dose that I take when days are really, really bad. And here I don’t have either.” She sighs. “Even if I had it in hand I would feel better, just knowing it’s there.”

“We have a healer back at the home cave,” I offer. “Perhaps she will be able to help.”

“Maybe.” She does not sound enthusiastic. “I hate everyone knowing that I’m a mess, though. I don’t want them to all know that I have…problems. I worry it’ll just make them hate me more.”

“We will tell no one but the chief and his mate, and the healer. They will keep your secret.” I stroke her back. “I will say nothing. And you will not tell the others I am afraid of falling?”

Air-ee gives another tired little chuckle. “No, I won’t. I promise. Thank you for talking me down. My therapist always says that talking things out helps, because it gets you out of that endless spin that your mind gets into. I thought he was full of crap, but talking to you does help.”

I will remember that. When she is struggling, I will make her talk to me. Make her focus on things other than what is going on in her mind. “I will always listen to what you have to say. And I will concentrate even if you are not naked.”

She gives another soft laugh and bats at my chest again, without letting go of my braid. A second later, she gives a shaky yawn. “Why is it that being around you relaxes me so much? Last night when you held my hand…I couldn’t sleep before that.”

“Your body knows that I am your friend, that I will not let any harm come to you.”

“Is that what it is? That you’re my friend?”

I think of the ache in my cock, unfulfilled. Not all of me wishes to just be friends. But I do not say such a thing, because I do not want to give her more to worry over. “Your khui resonates to mine. That means our bodies and spirits are a good fit for each other. Perhaps the khui influences your mind as well.” I run my hand down her arm, wishing she was bare instead of covered in furs. “Whatever it is, I will be here to hold you whenever you need it.”

“I might take you up on that more often than you’d like,” she admits ruefully, and does not lift her head from my shoulder. “I think this is the first time since I got here that I haven’t felt like I’m about to fall apart.” Her grip tightens on my braid. “You might have to be my medication for a while.” Air-ee gives another tremulous laugh.

“Of course,” I tell her. “If you are tired, we can stay out here for a time. You can rest and then when you feel better, we can go and hunt for coil moss. It grows on the sides of wet cliffs and looks like…well, like Shorshie’s hair.”

“So it’s pretty?” She stiffens, and I wonder if she is jealous.

“Very ugly and brown,” I say solemnly, and love when she giggles again. My khui hums even louder, pleased. “It makes a tea that tastes foul, but it is good at helping you sleep. It is calming. The healer gives it when someone is wounded so badly that she cannot heal them all at once. She must heal slowly over days, and if they are in great pain, the coil moss tea helps them sleep through the pain. It makes one feel very light and floaty.”

“Oh,” Air-ee breathes. “Just having that on hand would help me relax. Just knowing that something like that’s an option…”

“It is.” I slide my fingers down her spine, feeling the delicacy of it even through the layers of her leathers. “We will get you some. And then we will go back and rejoin the others so you have someplace warm to sleep.”

She sighs. “And get my head lasered.” I can hear her swallow, hard. “Did you have it done?”

“I did not wake up one day speaking human,” I tease her.

“English,” she retorts, and gives my braid a little tug. “And it didn’t hurt?”

“It did not. I was barely aware of it and I woke up with your strange words in my mind.”

“I guess I’ll get it done,” Air-ee says. Then, “Will…will you hold my hand the entire time?”

I want to squeeze her tightly against me for all time. “My mate, I will never let you go.”

8

ARIANA

We don’t return to the broken-down ship for a few hours. I fall asleep against Zolaya’s shoulder and when I wake up, he’s got frozen drool in his braid and I have marks on my cheek from the edge of one of his chest-plates, but I feel more relaxed than I have in days.

Zolaya’s true to his word, too. When I wake up, he pulls me onto his back and heads off into the hills, searching streams for the plant he calls coil moss. It takes four different streams for us to find enough to fill a pouch, but once we have it, it’s like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I feel lighter. Happier. I have something I can take if my mind gets too bad. I don’t have to suffer.

I’m so relieved.

And Zolaya…god, he’s wonderful.

I expected to feel very, very alone here on this horrible planet, but he’s so calm and understanding. He takes the time to really listen to me and he’s not pressuring me into anything. He’s been such a good friend and I feel like I can relax around him. It’s such a relief to find someone that doesn’t look at me with annoyance or scorn every time my anxiety gets the better of me. It actually helps me calm down, knowing that whatever I do, I can’t piss him off or make him angry at me. He understands.

Even if it’s just the cootie making him act so sweetly, I’m grateful.

Once we’ve got the tea, he braids me a leather cord from the scraps in his pouch and then hangs it around my neck. “So it will not get lost.”

Just having that pouch makes me so happy. I can feel my anxiety ebbing and whenever I feel it about to surface again, I touch it and know that I have something that will help. It’s enough, for now.

Zolaya and I stay out for a little longer, walking the edges of one of the steaming streams that cut through the landscape here. He offers to catch me lunch, but I’m content with just wandering around and avoiding returning to the old spaceship that they call the Elders’ Cave. Part of me wishes I never had to go back. If I have to live in this terrible place, maybe I can live alone with Zolaya somewhere. I guess that’s just me being a selfish coward, though. He doesn’t seem to hate his tribe, and from what I can tell, they like him. It’s just me that’s the problem.

Figures.

The alien eyes the skies and then squeezes my hand. “The suns will descend soon. Are you hungry? Do you wish to go back and join the others or stay out here for a while longer?”

My anxiety wants to stay out here forever, of course. But I know that when it gets dark, it’s going to get colder, and I don’t like colder. I know I need to be brave. I need to get the laser beam of language, and I need to try to be around the others just to prove that I can. It’s the smart thing to do. Of course, it’s also the hardest thing to do. “We should go back,” I say, already dreading it. It’s so much easier to be out here with him.

The smile that blooms across his face is worth it, though. He’s looking at me with such approval that I feel like I already conquered one of my demons. “Very brave,” he tells me.

“Oh, stop. It’s not that brave.”

“Is it not? I can tell you do not wish to return, but you will confront it anyhow. What is that if not brave?” He moves to my side and kneels in front of me so I can climb on his back again. “You should be kinder to yourself.”

I should. I know that’s part of the problem with my anxiety. My brain makes me think the worst of every situation. “And the laser won’t kill me, right?” I ask even as I loop my arms around his neck and bury my face into the fall of his thick, cord-like hair.

“It will not. And if it does, I shall follow you into death,” he tells me, his hands going to my thighs as he stands, hauling me along piggyback.

“Well, that’s grim,” I reply lightly, but it’s funny how his words make me feel better. Even if the worst happens, I won’t be alone.

“Then it is a good thing it will not kill you.” Zolaya holds my thighs tight and then makes a running leap over the stream, causing me to squeal with surprise. It’s crazy how agile he is even with me on his back. It’s a little scary, but I know he won’t drop me, and I actually kind of enjoy all his leaping around as he moves over rocks and flies over scrubby bushes. His tail flicks against my leg every now and then as if to reassure him that I haven’t moved from my spot on his back.

As we crest over one low hill, the snow-covered mound of the Elders’ Cave comes back into view and my stomach clenches. I can feel a low wave of anxiety move over me like a chill, but I remember that I have the pouch of tea around my neck and Zolaya at my side. As quickly as it rolls over me, it ebbs back again. I’m all right, for now. I’m actually pleased that I’m able to push aside the anxiety like that instead of becoming mired in it once more. Already the herbs are helping, and I haven’t even had a cup of tea yet.

Zolaya pats my arm, which is still encircled around his neck. “If you struggle when we are inside, tell me and I will find a quiet place for the two of us to be alone together.”

“Thank you. That’s very kind.”

“Kind?” He snorts, clearly amused. “Because I wish to spend time alone with my pretty mate? It is not kindness that motivates such a thing.”

And I bat at his shoulder again, because he’s making me smile with his flirty words. A day ago, such pointed flirting would have probably scared the bejeezus out of me, but Zolaya calms me. He understands me. And despite his teasing, he makes me feel completely safe. He may mention being alone with me and make it sound as if it’s sexy, but I know if I want to just hold his hand for hours, he’d have no problem with that.

This time it’s not the big bald alien at the “cave” entrance but another one with long, dark hair. He nods at us as Zolaya piggybacks me inside, and the others look up as we enter. Georgie seems relieved to see us return, and gets to her feet. “You’re back!”

I feel guilty for wanting to just run away from everyone. It’s clear Georgie’s been worried. “We just needed some alone time. Sorry.” I slide off of Zolaya’s back and let my fingers brush over the herb pouch at my neck. “Are we too late to…get lasered?” I have to force myself to say the words, because the last thing I want right now is to have a deadly laser shot into my head from a decrepit old computer. But Zolaya puts a hand on my shoulder as if pleased with my bravery, and I can practically feel myself preening at that small bit of approval. “If so, I’m ready.”

“You are?” Georgie clasps her hands, surprised but relieved. “Okay, fantastic. The others are still sleeping it off. Follow me and I’ll show you where we need to go.”

Zolaya’s hand slips into mine, and I actually feel okay with this. Maybe it won’t be so bad after all.

I LIVE. Of course I do. It’s just my anxiety getting the best of things. The laser beam knocks me out before I can even ask if it’s going to work and the next thing I know, I’m waking up to Zolaya brushing my hair off my forehead and then caressing my hand.

“You are awake,” he murmurs, and I can hear his cootie thrumming and purring up a storm. “How do you feel?”

I sit up and my head throbs in protest. I press my palm to my eyebrow as if that will stop my brain from hurting so much. “Hungover.”

He chuckles as if he understands what that is. “But it worked, did it not? And you are here and whole.”

It takes me a moment to realize what he’s talking about. Oh. We’re speaking in his language and I didn’t even notice. That’s fascinating. The anthropology student in me wonders at the expressions we’re sure to get mixed up with the differences in language and custom, but I’m kind of interested to see what happens with that. “I guess I am.” I glance down and his tail is wrapped around my ankle, an odd but pleasing little gesture of possessiveness. “You stayed at my side?”

“The entire time,” he reassures me and gets to his feet, tail uncoiling. “And now I will get you something to eat and drink. Keep resting.” Zolaya’s voice is stern. “Your mate commands it.”

“My mate’s not the boss of me,” I tell him in my sassiest voice, and love that he gives me a playful little grin in response. With my anxiety under control and no panic looming, I’m just feeling so much better. It’s like I’m a new person, and I’m able to relax and focus on my surroundings. Zolaya returns with a cup of hot herbal tea and offers it to me. “Drink this first.”

I clutch the bag at my neck briefly, then take the drink from him and study the group gathered around the fire.

There are several of the women that aren’t mated sitting there, a few sleeping in their furry beds, and Vektal the chief sits next to Georgie and pretty much just watches her as if he’s never seen anything so fine in his life. It’s kind of cute and heartwarming despite the whole laser issue, and I turn to Zolaya to tell him that—

And notice he’s looking at me the same way.

Heat flushes through me, and I remember that the cootie’s supposed to make me want to mate. Maybe my anxiety’s been suppressing things for a while, but I’m starting to remember that. And my body’s remembering it too, if the sound of my purring is any indication. I lower my lashes and drink my tea, because if I look back at him the way he’s looking at me, that could lead to us finding a private place a lot faster than I might be ready for.

Funny how I’m not freaking out at the idea of that, though. There’s something about Zolaya that makes it seem like it’s not such a big problem after all…or that it’s even a problem. The idea of running off with him somewhere private to see where this resonance thing takes us is growing more appealing by the minute. Of course, that might be the cootie talking.

“Let me get you something to eat,” Zolaya murmurs, brushing his hand against mine as I lower the small cup and hold it in my lap. “You do not like your meat raw, no?” At my horrified shake of my head, he chuckles. “It is tasty.”

“And full of parasites,” I tell him, because at heart I’m still an anxious person no matter the tea in my pouch. “I need mine cooked and cooked hard.”

He laughs and gives me a smile that seems like a secret shared just for us, one that makes me feel warm and flushed all over. “I will see if we have more trail rations. They are very, very cooked.” He gets to his feet and disappears into the back of the big bay that makes up the ‘Elders’ Cave’ (which looks like the interior of an old, janky spaceship).

Of course, he’s gone for so long that it makes me aware that I’m here by myself and I haven’t really made friends with the others. Even the women that haven’t mated seem to be pairing off into friendships. Tiffany, Megan and Josie sit together, talking quietly. Nora and Stacy aren’t back. Claire chats with quiet Kira while redheaded Harlow listens in. Georgie and Vektal have their heads together and whisper things, hands touching. I’d bet money they’re going to disappear into another room soon. The longer it goes on, the less irritating I find it. Now, it’s almost kind of cute.

As I watch them, someone comes and sits down next to me. It’s one of the women, the one with the French accent that resonated a few minutes after she got her cootie. She crosses her legs and gives me an interested look, grinning. “So,” she begins in that lovely, accented voice of hers. “You are another one of us, oui? Tu résonnes?” And just in case I didn’t understand that, she puts a hand over her heart and pats it, beaming.

I nod, feeling shy. “Yeah, me and Zolaya.”

“Bon.” She beams at me. “My mate is Zennek. The blushing one.” She glances over across the fire and sure enough, one of the horned men blushes and ducks his head. The French woman just chuckles as if this is the cutest thing ever.

“I’m sorry,” I tell her. “I forgot your name. I’m Ariana.”

“Marlene,” she says, her tongue rolling as she speaks. “I am from Paris but visiting friends in your country and…” She shrugs, her long black hair spilling down her back. “Je suis ici.”

I guess she can tell I’m American. It’s probably the accent. I nod. “Same thing here. I went to bed in my dorm room and woke up here. It’s been…an adjustment.”

She laughs as if that’s the funniest thing ever and a few of the others glance over at us with strange looks. “Adjustment, oui. Un peu.”

Zolaya looks over at us as Marlene laughs, and he pauses, stew bowl in hand, then speaks to Marlene’s mate as he waits at the edges of the group, sharpening a spear. My cootie purrs, and I hear Marlene’s purr, too, though it’s not nearly as strong and insistent as mine.

She gives me a wry look and rubs her chest. “It never stops, non?”

“No, it really doesn’t.”

“Makes it hard to sleep,” she says, her mouth pulling into a tiny smile and then she winks at me. “Of course, who wants to sleep?”

Gosh, now I see why Zennek blushes so much. Marlene’s just the most self-possessed woman I’ve ever met. It’s kind of awe-inspiring and intimidating at once. I feel like Zennek, just shrugging and blushing as she speaks. As I try to figure out what to say, she pulls out a little pouch, then extracts a bone needle and some sinew. A moment later she uncurls what looks like part of a leather bra.

I can’t help but lean over to watch her work. “Is that a bra? Where’d you get a needle?”

She looks surprised at my question but shows off the leather. “Ma petite chouchou,” she says, and looks over at Zennek with another sultry smile. “I told him I needed un soutien-gorge. How you say, a bra.” She gestures at her boobs. “Too much bouncing. He made me a needle and thread, and so I work on it.”

“I should ask Zolaya for something like that,” I tell her, hugging my knees. “I’d love a bra…and some panties.”

She gives me a look that tells me she completely understands. “These clothes, they are warm, but they are not human clothes, non?”

I smile, because Marlene’s so friendly and easygoing that it makes it a pleasure to talk to her. She hasn’t given me weird looks or acted like I’m being a baby. Maybe it’s because right after she got her cootie, she ran off with Zennek. She didn’t see some of my breakdowns like the others did. Or maybe she feels a little out of place, too, being the only foreigner amongst a bunch of Americans. “I think I’ll ask Zo for some sewing stuff in the morning. It sounds like we’ll be here a few days.”

She nods as she stabs the needle through the leather. “So the others who resonnent have time to return. Zennek, he tells me some go fast, some go slow.”

I love listening to her rich, smooth voice. It just makes everything sound so pretty. I watch her sew a stitch and say, “I guess you guys went fast, huh?”

Marlene looks over at me in surprise, her cheeks flushing.

I realize what I just said and clap a hand over my mouth to stifle my horrified giggle. “Not like that. I just meant—you guys are back before the others—I—”

She chuckles and sews a prissy little stitch with extra flourish. “Not every time fast. Some were very slow. My mate, he is new to this, but he learns very quickly.” She gives me another sly look. “And you? Very fast? You were here before us, non?”

I can feel myself blushing. I can’t tell if she’s teasing me or confronting me—or both. I suppose I deserve it after putting her on the spot, because now I’m picturing poor Zennek going “too” fast. Marlene doesn’t seem unhappy, though. Just the opposite. She keeps flicking affectionate glances at her new mate as she works her needle. When she looks over at me again, I suppose I should answer. She’s been forthright with me, after all. “Um, we haven’t exactly…done anything yet.”

Her eyes go wide and she puts her needle down. “Sans déconner?”

I don’t know what that means, but I can guess. I hold the pouch at my neck, drawing strength from it, and I glance over at Zolaya, who’s deep in conversation with Zennek. “Don’t tell the others, but, uh, I have panic attacks. It’s been tough for the last few days. I haven’t felt particularly…sexy.” God, I haven’t felt sexy at all. I’ve felt like I’m coming apart at the seams, yes. Sexy, no.

She nods in understanding, a look of sympathy in her eyes. “I will not tell.” She makes a twisting motion over her mouth as if pretending to lock her lips and throw away the key.

“Thanks,” I tell her, and mean it. I do want to keep it limited to as few people as possible. It felt right to tell Marlene though because she’s the first one of my fellow captives that I’ve really connected with. She’s going through the same thing, too. She knows what resonance is like, this unending throb in your chest. I touch my breast because my cootie’s going crazy even now. “So…what’s it like?”

“Mmm?” She pulls her gaze away from Zennek and back to me.

“Resonance?” I pitch my voice low so the others near the fire won’t hear me.

Her eyes light up with enthusiasm. Marlene leans in toward me, and I can’t help but move in closer, too. I’m so curious, and I know it’s a bold question to ask but I can’t help myself. “It is the best sex ever,” she whispers, and lets out a dreamy sigh. “Whatever you know from before, it is nothing like that.”

“Really?” I can’t help but be skeptical. “Because of the cootie?”

“Because of everything,” she insists, and gives me a knowing nod. “Wait and see. Do not be afraid.”

Afraid. Ha. Oddly enough that might be the only thing I’m not afraid of. Zolaya is so kind and sweet to me that I don’t have any fear of him. It’s just everything else on this crazy planet that makes my anxiety go nuts. I glance over at my mate—wow, feels weird to think that—and he still talks with Zennek, though another alien has joined them. I forget his name. Zolaya laughs, idly scratching his chest and looking so casually masculine that I can feel my cootie practically jumpstart in my chest once more.

“Are you waiting because you are a virgin?”

Marlene’s words sink in. I pull my gaze away from Zolaya reluctantly. “Hm? Oh, no. Not a virgin.” Granted, I’m not exactly the most worldly of chicks, either. Between studies and my thesis there hasn’t been time for anything serious, just the occasional fling. I will admit I’ve had a few pretty good flings in the past, though, so to hear that this is even better is…well, it’s like being told Christmas is tomorrow, if you’re brave enough to celebrate it.

“Zennek was a virgin,” Marlene tells me. “Zolaya might be, as well.”

“That just occurred to me about two seconds ago,” I tell her faintly.

“It will be fine,” she reassures me and stabs at her leather bra with the needle again. “Some fumbling, some laughter, but the nouvel ami here makes it all better.” She taps her chest again, indicating her khui.

She sounds so confident and cheery that it’s reassuring. “And you, what, have sex and it just stops? Stops resonating, I mean?”

“It takes many times to stop,” Marlene replies, full of answers. “Perhaps because it takes many times to become with child.” Her little shrug is careless. “It is all pleasant. Two times or twenty, you will not be complaining.”

Well, I might be complaining if it does take twenty. But I appreciate how open she is about this. I’ve thought about asking Georgie how things would go, but she’s kind of intimidating. I already worry she thinks I’m a weepy idiot, so I didn’t want to come to her with my questions. But Marlene has offered them so easily that I feel utterly grateful to her. “In case I haven’t said it yet, thank you so much for being my friend. I could really use one.”

She says something in French that loses me entirely and puts her sewing down, then cups my face and kisses my cheeks with enthusiastic, friendly little smacks. “Non, non, mon coco. We are all friends, those of us who resonated immediately. You watch. We will be a special group because we will experience all of this together. Mates, babies, all of it. You and I and the other girls when they return.” Her smile is warm and full of happiness. “You have friends, do not doubt such a thing.”

Marlene’s easiness makes me so happy. She makes it sound so simple. Maybe she’s right. Maybe those of us that resonated right away—myself, her, Georgie, Nora and Stacy—will all have a sisterhood bond of some kind and I’m just letting my anxiety run away with things as usual. I smile at her and touch the bag of tea at my neck absently. “I’d love that.”

“It will be so. Wait and see.” She picks up her sewing again and nods. “Your mate comes. I think he is jealous that I have kissed you and he has not.” She winks at me and that little smile curls her mouth again.

I can’t help but laugh because Zolaya moves next to me in the next instant, handing me a pouch of the dried trail rations and casting strange looks at Marlene. Surely he’s not jealous of a kiss on the cheek? But I notice he hovers while I eat, and it makes me feel warm inside.

Marlene doesn’t seem to have any problems with being in this strange place and bonded to a stranger. She’s happy and chatting and sewing new clothes for herself. If she finds it cold or miserable here, there’s no indication on her face.

I should be more like her. Maybe I can be. Maybe with my tea and Zolaya at my side, I can be as carelessly happy as Marlene is. I’d like that.

9

ARIANA

T  hat night, Zolaya makes our beds a bit closer together. I’m sure some of it is because there are more people here in the Elders’ Cave now, and so it feels a bit more crowded even though there’s a lot of space. Or maybe it’s because Zennek and Marlene have returned and they’ve been on the PDA-train non-stop. They head to bed with a gleefulness that makes Josie giggle, and I have to admit, I’m relieved when they head off into the bowels of the “cave” for privacy. I’m not sure how I’d have acted if they parked their furs next to ours and then had a makeout party.

Of course, as soon as I lie down and Zolaya lies down right next to me, I can’t stop thinking about makeout parties. The moment it crosses my mind, my cootie starts thrumming madly, and then Zolaya’s starts thrumming, and then we’re both resonating so loudly I’m sure we’re going to wake someone up. It’s more than a little embarrassing.

Zolaya reaches over and touches my hand, and I practically jump in surprise. “Do you wish to go somewhere more private?”

“More private?” I whisper, my cheeks scarlet. Is that alien code for “let’s go have sex”?

“So we do not wake the others with our resonance?” His thumb strokes over my hand.

Oh. Is that what we’re worried about? “Okay, sure.” This doesn’t sound like the beginning of a makeout party, and I’m relieved. I think.

He gathers up our blankets as I stand by, and I hear Josie giggle as I follow him back into the tunnel-like hallways of the rest of the ship. I tell myself that I shouldn’t care, that it’s going to be obvious that at some point Zolaya and I are going to have sex. No sense in giggling or being embarrassed, since it’s khui-mandated. It’s completely natural. No big deal.

I’m going to keep telling myself that until I believe it, too.

We head down one of the dark halls and I follow close behind Zolaya, with his tail tip flicking against my legs as I walk. There seem to be doors along the way, some broken and fallen open, some still closed. How his people thought this was simply a cave is beyond me, but they lead a simple life. Perhaps all they require are simple answers. The anthropology student in me will probably be fascinated with all of this once I have time to absorb everything. For now, it just feels like I’m still trying to get my footing.

Zolaya’s tail twitches against my leg and my cootie gets louder even as he speeds up. Curious, I open my mouth to ask what’s wrong when I hear it—the unmistakable sounds of a pair of lovers. They’re in one of the nearby rooms and the noises carry out into the hall. Oh.

“Not this cave,” he tells me, and his tone is a little strangled. “Let us keep walking.”

“Right,” I whisper after him. I grab the tip of his tail so I don’t get lost in the dark, and he makes another choked sound. I drop it immediately. “Oh, did I hurt you?” Is his tail like a cat’s whiskers, perhaps? Sensitive?

“No. It is all right.” But he sounds strained, like it’s not all right. How odd.

Of course, it takes a few moments for it to occur to me that perhaps his tail is less like whiskers and more like…other sensitive body parts.

A hysterical giggle escapes my throat at the mental image of grabbing his dick to guide me. Somehow I think my cultural studies back on Earth didn’t prepare me for men with tails and horns and how they’d be treated in their society. I can only imagine what his face would have been like if I’d grabbed his tail in front of the others, and another smothered laugh escapes from behind my fingers.

“I am glad to hear you laugh, though I would rather it not be at me,” he says, amusement mixed with embarrassment in his tone. He glances over his shoulder at me and indicates that we continue ahead. “It is not much farther.”

“I’m laughing at myself as much as you, if that helps.”

“I am just glad to hear you laugh.”

Me, too.

Zolaya nods. “There is a small cave back here with enough room for furs. It will be quiet and you will have privacy away from the others.”

I’m surprised at his words. Just me? He’s not going to stay with me? Surely I heard him wrong.

He ducks his head and enters a small passage. I follow him inside and gaze at the clutter around us. One side of the wall is collapsed and looks as if it folded in on itself, blocking the way into a larger room. This was an entryway to a suite of some kind at one point, but now it’s just a tiny cubby of a place. Along the other wall, there are extra bundles of fur, woven baskets, and a pile of bones that looks rather ominous. “What is all this?”

“Storage,” Zolaya tells me. “The privacy screen here is thick and can be pulled easily over the entrance to prevent predators from getting into the food and leather.” He moves ahead and sets the furs down, organizing them.

I pick up one of the long, curved bones, eyeing it. “Kinda looks like the predators were already here.”

He looks over at me. “Those are for weapons and utensils. We can carve many things out of bone. It is very useful.”

I think of Marlene and her big needle. “Sewing supplies, too?”

“Yes, of course. I can make you some tomorrow if you like.”

“That would be lovely. I can think of a few things I’d like to make.” I’m starting to become adjusted to the reality that this is going to be my home. That there’s no going back. And while that realization fills me with an aching sadness, it doesn’t fill me with the despair that it did just a short time ago. I’m becoming used to it, and I’m making plans. I’ve got my herbs. I’ve got Zolaya. If I take this one day at a time, I can handle it. One of my therapist’s favorite sayings was “How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.” That’s how I’m going to approach the next few days, next few weeks—one little bit at a time, so it doesn’t seem so overwhelming.

Zolaya finishes spreading the blankets and then steps back. I can’t help but notice that this room is so tiny that there’s not enough space for two beds. In fact, he’s only made the one, and it looks like he’s just piled his furs on top of mine.

I give him a questioning look.

He gestures at the bed. “You will be comfortable here. I will sleep on the other side of the privacy screen so no one will bother you.”

He keeps saying privacy screen and I have no idea what he means. All I hear is that he’s not going to sleep with me. “Why?” I blurt out before I can think it through. “Don’t you want to sleep with me? I thought that’s why we were coming back here.”

In the dark, I can’t read much of his expression. All I can see are his brightly glowing eyes. I’m sure mine are glowing, too, and I wonder how I look to him. “Resonance does not have to happen right away,” he says gently. “It will not help your fears if I toss you onto the furs and claim you like a rutting metlak.”

I can feel my eyes widen. I don’t know what a metlak is, but just the word “rutting” has my cootie all stirred up. That mental image is fascinatingly shocking, though, and I picture Zolaya on top of me, all of his control gone. For the first time in what feels like forever, a tremor of arousal moves through me. My cootie purrs, pleased, and I suddenly don’t want Zolaya going anywhere. I sure don’t want him outside the room like he’s been kicked to the curb. “I want you to stay with me, Zo,” I tell him softly. “Can’t we just share furs and sleep?”

He’s silent for a moment, and then nods. “We can do that.” His fingers brush over my cheek in the dark. “Get under the furs and I will slide the privacy screen in place.”

I sit down on the bed and pull my boots off once more, then watch as he pulls what looks like a sliding door forward across the entryway. Okay, so privacy screens are doors. Good to know. I mentally file that information away for later. When he turns back to me, I pretend a casualness I don’t feel as I smooth the furs over my body.

Zolaya sits down next to my bed and then slides under the covers. I feel his body brush against my leathers, and a nervous, excited jitter races through me. He’s less than a foot away from me and his heat warms the blankets immediately. This might be the first night I don’t wake up with frozen toes, which is nice to think about. I wonder if I should snuggle closer, or if that will be misinterpreted? I’m torn, because I love to cuddle, but I don’t know how he’ll take it.

Or how my cootie will take it. Darn thing’s already singing an opera right between my boobs.

The big blue alien puts an arm behind his head and gazes up at the ceiling. There’s a long, awkward pause and it occurs to me that neither of us knows what to say. Then Zolaya breaks the silence. “You made a friend.”

I nod, turning over on my side to face him. It feels a little more intimate, but I kind of like it. If I was braver, I’d slide under his arm and tuck my head against his chest because he looks like he’d be an awesome cuddler. But I’m not quite there yet. “Her name’s Marlene. She’s French. And she’s really nice. She’s going to show me how to sew a bra.” And now I sound like a toddler telling him about my day. I bite my tongue and force myself to shrug as if it’s all no big deal. “I’m sure she was just being friendly.”

“Mmm. Polite is not shoving someone’s face in the snow when they anger you.”

I sit up on one elbow, surprised to hear such words come out of my sweet Zolaya’s mouth. He’s never been anything but a perfect gentleman to me. “Whose face do you want to shove into the snow?”

“No one. It is not important.”

I frown down at him because that’s no answer and he knows it. “Is it me?”

Those glowing eyes focus on me. “Never.”

That one single word makes me feel intoxicated with his nearness, and when my cootie starts to purr again, I wonder how he’d react if I kissed him. He sure did notice when Marlene kissed my cheeks. I try to remember if I’ve seen others kiss in his tribe, and I don’t recall. Did Nora kiss her mate? Stacy? Marlene? I rack my brain, but it’s filled with thoughts of brushing my lips over Zolaya’s. What if he hates kissing? Some cultures find it abhorrent, and the thought makes me sad. What if my cootie’s paired me up with someone that doesn’t like kisses? What if I’m never kissed ever again? What if I end up alone on this ice planet, unloved and unkissed forever?

“I think you are worrying again,” Zolaya tells me softly.

I blink at him. It’s like he heard my thoughts. “What do you mean?”

One finger presses against my forehead, in the spot between my brows. “Because you squint when you are thinking too hard. Even in the darkness I can see that. It makes a wrinkle here.”

I push aside his finger and rub that spot. “You’re not supposed to tell a girl she’s wrinkled.”

“You are not wrinkled. You simply have a wrinkle there. And I would cherish you if you were as wrinkled as old Vadren.”

“I’m hoping for your sake that Vadren has a super-smooth face,” I tell him, but I’m secretly preening that he said he’d cherish me. “Cherish” seems like a pretty fraught word for people who just met.

But he just chuckles again. “The khui would not choose a displeasing mate for me.”

Oooh, am I pleasing to him then? He’s been all about going slow and taking our time, and I wondered if he was as attracted to me as some of the others seem to be attracted to their mates. Marlene can’t take her eyes off of Zennek, and Nora practically flung herself at her guy the moment they resonated. Lately it seems that I’m purring a lot more when he’s around, though, and I can’t help but notice things about him, like the way he walks with such fluid grace, or the flutter of his long hair. The softness of his mouth combined with the hard planes of his face. The way he touches me all the time. I wonder how much is the cootie…and then I wonder if it matters. If mine’s feeding emotions to me, they feel very real.

And because I can’t stop thinking about kissing him, I ask, “So…tell me about your people’s customs, Zo.” I toss in his nickname oh-so casually, even though calling him that practically feels like a caress all its own.

“Our customs? Mm, we might be here a while. We have many, many customs. I imagine humans do, too. Are there specific ones you wish to know about?”

I consider for a moment. Do I launch right into things or beat around the bush? “I noticed when I grabbed your tail you were a little…surprised.”

There’s a long pause. “Tails are sensitive.” He sounds a little strained.

Oh man. I totally yanked his crank and didn’t even realize it. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize.”

“Do not be sorry. I enjoyed it, even if it was surprising.” He blows out a little breath and sounds amused. “If my tail must be caressed, I am glad it was by you.”

“Does it feel good?”

This time, I can practically hear him swallow. “Yes.”

I’m fascinated, and my cootie’s purring as loud as his is. My fingers itch, and I’m dying to touch him, to close the gap between us and feel that hard, bare chest under my hand. “Have you…ever had your tail touched before?”

10

ARIANA

A  long pause. “No.”

So he is a virgin. Instead of freaking me out, though, I find that fascinating. I’m going to be the first to touch him, to show him how good sex can be. Oh, this is going to be so much fun.

I also realize that I’ve just come to terms with the fact that he’s my mate and we’re going to have sex at some point. There’s no fighting it, I realize. I don’t have the physical or emotional energy for it. And Zolaya’s so handsome and pleasant that why would I want to fight it? That would be like fighting against a rainbow or a basket of kittens, and all the other wonderful things I can think of. Chocolate. Silk pajamas. A hot shower.

Well damn, now I really want a hot shower. I sigh.

“What is it?” There’s so much tension in his voice that it brings me instantly alert again. “You are disappointed that I am inexperienced?”

Oh dear. “No, not at all. I was just comparing you to something pleasant back on my world. Hot showers. That’s like, bathing yourself standing up, but it’s warm.”

“We have such a thing back at the home cave. I will take you there. It is in the center of the home cave and made hot by the ground underneath. Everyone enjoys it.”

“Like a hot tub? I am all about that.” I don’t even care that it’s not private. If I need to skinny dip to get a dunk, I’m totally going to do so. I lean closer to him and then decide to lay it all out on the table. “Do your people kiss, Zo?”

“I…do not know what this means.”

I chew on my lip, because now I really, really want to touch him. I curl my hand into a fist to stop myself. “Before I say more, I should let you know that in terms of experience, I have had my tail touched. In a sense.”

“So you have had a pleasure mate before,” he replies, and I can’t tell if that’s a good response or a bad one. His normally expressive voice is neutral.

“Is that a bad thing? Are you disappointed?”

“Did you have feelings for this male? Is he here?”

Did I say it was just one? I should probably clarify before things spiral out of control. Not that I was a huge college ho, but I did have a couple of hook-ups. “Uh, it was more than one male but no, no feelings for any of them. I haven’t had a pleasure mate in over a year. Just haven’t had time and didn’t find anyone I liked.”

In the dark, he reaches up and caresses my cheek, and the little touch is as thrilling as it is unexpected. “Pleasure mates are not a bad thing, Air-ee. It is just finding comfort in another’s arms for a few nights. As long as your heart is not there, I am content.”

He really is the best guy. How did I get so lucky? I’m so filled with pleasure at the realization that my sexual history isn’t going to be a problem despite our cultural differences that I feel like I can breathe easier.

And having all the sexual experience in this room fills me with a curious sense of boldness I normally don’t have. I can’t hold off any longer. I’m dying to kiss him. I lean forward and brush my fingers over his mouth, finding it in the dark. “So, do you want me to show you how a kiss works?”

He pauses for so long that I wonder if he's going to refuse. Finally, Zolaya says, "Only if you wish to."

Is he worried about pressuring me? That's sweet but unnecessary. "If I didn't want to, I wouldn't have suggested it. But thank you for checking."

He clasps my hand in his as I reach toward his neck, pausing me mid-lean. "How is your avalanche?"

My avalanche? It takes me a moment to realize he means my anxiety. Oh. "It's better. You helped me a lot today."

"I am glad."

"It…won't ever go away, though. It's something I have to fight with on a regular basis." I hope he doesn't think it's a one-and-done sort of scenario.

"Then we will work on it on a regular basis," he says agreeably. "I will get you as much tea as you need."

"The talking helps, too. Just having another person to listen and not tell me I'm overreacting is just as necessary in some ways."

"I am always ready to listen." And his thumb skates over my palm. It's the lightest of caresses, but I swear I feel it right between my thighs. I suck in a breath, my body tingling with awareness at how close he is and how very “alone” we are for the first time since I got here. That really does change things. "I don't know if I'm ready to have sex, Zolaya, but…I'd really like to kiss you."

"Then kiss me," he murmurs. "And I will kiss you, too."

I want to tease him that it's usually a two-person sort of act, but I'd rather just get on to the kissing. I lean in over him and pull my hand out of his grip. This time, he lets go and remains still, watching me. I slide my hand to the back of his neck and move down so our mouths are aligned. "It starts with just a brush of the lips over the other person's mouth," I tell him softly, and then demonstrate.

Even with just the barest contact, I can tell I want more. His lips under mine are warm and slightly parted, and I love the hitch of his breath as I brush my mouth over his. I do it once, quickly, then lift my head to see his reaction. He's still watching me, utterly still, so I move in and give him another quick kiss.

"What do you think?" I ask when he doesn't respond.

"Pleasant," he murmurs, and his cootie seems to be vibrating hard in his chest, just like mine. "Do I do so to you now?"

"Actually I'm just getting started," I tell him, smiling. "There are all kinds of kisses. Light kisses." I lean in and gently brush my mouth over his again. "Nipping kisses." I bite at his lower lip and give it a tug. That gets a jerk of response from him and a low groan. "And my favorite are tongue kisses."

"Tongue…kisses?" His breath sounds raspy and his eyes are half-hooded, the glow dimmed slightly. "Tell me more."

"Easier if I show you," I whisper, and put my thumb on his chin, guiding his mouth to mine once more. This time when I brush my lips over his, I flick my tongue against his parted mouth. He groans again, and I slick the tip against his tongue, teasing and playing in a way that makes me feel bold and aroused all at once. God, kissing him is so much fun. I lick gently at his mouth, deepening the kiss, and when he responds, his tongue drags against mine.

And this time it's my turn to gasp, because his tongue has the same fascinating ridges that the rest of him does. What the hell? I'm both fascinated and aroused by this new turn, and I stop teasing and begin to kiss him in earnest. My hand goes to his cheek and my mouth descends on his, and then his hand is in my hair and our tongues are tangling in a mating dance that makes me clench deep inside with how good it is. Oh god, is it good. I'm lost in the way he tastes, the sultry rasp of that ridged tongue against mine, the low groans he makes in his throat as we kiss—

And the ever-present throb of my cootie in my chest, telling me that it approves of what we're doing.

The kiss goes on forever, and the longer it goes on, the less control I have. As our tongues stroke and dance together, Zolaya grows bolder in his responses. I might have instigated things, but he's a quick learner and it doesn't take long before he's the one in charge, his tongue flicking against mine and delving into my mouth with such enthusiasm that I'm breathless and aroused. I rub up against his body as we kiss, and when his knee presses between my thighs, I straddle it and don't even care that I'm grinding against him. All I know is that it feels incredible and I don't want to stop.

Eventually, though, we pull apart and then gaze at each other. I'm gasping for breath, my mouth feeling swollen and bruised and so, so yummy. He looks as dazed as I feel, and our cooties are so loud with their shared vibration it feels as if the entire ship is shaking. "I can smell your arousal, my mate," Zolaya tells me, his hand sliding along my side and then moving down to cup my butt through my leathers. "Even though you wear so many layers, I can smell how much you like my mouth on yours, my tongue mating in your mouth."

My thighs clench in response, and I bite back a moan. "I…don't know if you should be telling me that sort of thing," I say, and my voice is more prim than I want it to be. What girl wants to be told that a guy can smell her pussy?

"It makes me want to put my mouth there," he groans, fisting his hand in my hair. He begins to frantically kiss along my neck and jaw, rolling our twined bodies backward until I'm underneath him in the furs. "Lick up your taste, revel in how good you smell."

"Oh," I breathe, because okay, he's making that sound pretty damn good. I rock my hips, an involuntary response to his words. "Zolaya—"

"I like it when you say my name," he murmurs. "Almost as much as I like your scent." He buries his face against my neck and licks the sensitive skin of my throat, and I moan, clinging to him because it feels so good. "And almost as much as I like kisses," he tells me.

Right. Kisses. That's all we're supposed to be doing. I'm panting and everything in me is screaming to shuck my leather clothes off and let him take me as his mate, but I don't know if I'm ready for that yet. My anxiety is starting to trip, and I can feel a little shudder move through me that has nothing to do with lust. "All we're doing is kisses, right?" I hate the nervous sound of my voice. I want so much to sound confident, but I just don't.

Zolaya hears it, though. He drags his tongue against my neck, sending shivers through me. "Nothing but kisses," he reassures me.

Just to clarify… "And those kisses are above the neck, right?"

He chuckles and squeezes my butt. "The sa-khui have a saying—there is no sweeter taste than a resonance mate's cunt on one's tongue."

Jesus, that's an awfully blunt saying. "Oh."

"But I will wait until you are ready for my tongue." He leans in and brushes his lips over mine in the softest of caresses and I feel like I'm melting against him.

"I like your tongue," I say dreamily, my arms going around his neck once more. "I just want to take things slow."

"Then my tongue will stay near yours." He rubs my butt even as he pulls me closer against him, and I'm fitted along his long, lean body. He's incredibly warm and feels so good to press up against. I don't even mind the hard plating on the front of his chest and along his shoulders, because the rest of him is just so snuggle-able. I move my fingers along the inside of his arm, fascinated at the velvet feel of his skin, and his tail flicks against my leg. I pause. "Should I stop touching you?"

"Never," he tells me, voice thick. "But I wish to kiss you again when you do that."

"You can kiss me."

He tugs on my hair and then his mouth is on mine once more, and I forget all about the world around us. Nothing matters but the sweet taste of Zolaya's lips against mine, and the erotic slide of his ridged tongue.

No wonder everyone's so eager for resonance.

11

ZOLAYA

I  hold my gentle Air-ee close as she sleeps, fascinated with her presence in my arms. I never thought it would feel so good to hold a female against me, to feel her breath tickle my skin, the gentle weight of her legs entwined with mine. She does not mind my hands on her body, and if I was a less possessive male, perhaps I would give her more room to sleep, but I cannot stop touching her. I cannot stop stroking her back through her leathers, or caressing the rounded curve of her bottom, and the blank, flat spot where a tail should be. I love how she is made. Love her smooth, slick little tongue as it plays against mine when we kiss. I even love her flat face with its strange features and the nose that is so small one must blink to see it. She does not look sa-khui at all…but it does not mean she is not beautiful to me. I think of Air-ee's appearance and how she looks compared to the others. She is not as sturdy as some, or her skin as attractively dark. Her mane is a strange shade of brown I have only seen in mud. But I would not change a thing about her.

I even love that she drools on me while she sleeps, because it tells me that she is at rest and her avalanche is not troubling her in her sleep. I stroke her back as she dozes and think on what she said. The mind-avalanche will not go away for good. She must constantly struggle with it. I know that some in the tribe have struggled with sadness for long periods of time. Sometimes it goes away. Sometimes it does not. I think of Asha, who used to be flirty and fun, and is now just bitter and angry after the death of her kit. Her mate, Hemalo, does not know how to help her.

I will not let that happen to Air-ee. As long as she talks to me and lets me help her, we will take on her avalanche as a team. I will not let it conquer her. Already she has shown how brave she is to me. She might not think so, but I saw the fear in her eyes as she got the sa-khui words in her brain. She was afraid and yet she did it anyhow. Tonight while around the fire, she talked to Zennek's new mate, who tosses her long mane and looks at my young friend as if she would devour him. I worried I should take her away from the tribe for a bit, let her get adjusted to the khui and to this world, but perhaps being around others is the best thing to ease her worry. Already she seems happier. And with every day that passes, she grows bolder. She merely held my hand the first night. Tonight, I hold her tight in my arms and my thigh between hers. Our tongues mated for so long that her mouth grew swollen at my attentions.

Who knows what tomorrow night will bring? I look forward to it. My cock aches and my khui's song grows more insistent with every moment that passes, but I can wait. It strains my self-control, but my Air-ee is worth a few sleepless nights if it means she is at ease.

12

ARIANA

T  he next few days are days of rest.

I'm glad. After the whirlwind last few days—being kidnapped by aliens, getting dumped on a wintry planet, and resonating—I could use a little while where absolutely nothing life-shattering happens. It's good for my anxiety, because with the tea pouch around my neck and Zolaya to talk to, I find that I'm spinning out of control less and less, and when I feel like I'm about to panic, I'm able to push it aside and focus on the present instead of worrying over the future.

And really, the present isn't so bad. The sa-khui people are, despite the fact that they arrived here in a spaceship, a Paleolithic culture. I notice more about them now that I'm out of the freakout zone. Everything is put to use hunting-wise, and bones, hooves, horns, and everything else from a kill is harvested and saved for later. Fire is made from dung chips since most of the plants here tend to be scrubby. They also bend too much to be useful as weapons, which means that bone is the primary choice for tools, household goods, knives and spears. Bone is easily shaped, but it also dulls just as quickly, so most of the hunters seem to spend a lot of time maintaining their weapons. Every morning when I wake up, Zolaya has a sharp-edged rock that he uses to work the edges of his spear, moving over it back and forth in a manner that tells me he does this so often he doesn't even think about it.

The anthropologist in me is going to love learning all the fascinating aspects of their culture. The modern girl in me hates that I'm having to learn it by living it, because there are things I'm not ashamed to say that I miss. Coffee, for one. Chocolate. Hand lotion. ChapStick. Toilet paper. Underwear. It's the small things that you feel the lack of the most.

Of course, clothing-wise, that's one of the things that's easiest to fix. While Zolaya and the other hunters maintain their weapons, the women sit near the fire and talk. Some nap—Josie with her bad leg sleeps more than most. Some chit-chat. Some get to work. Tiffany and Megan have started braiding belts for themselves. Marlene sewed a bra and is now working on panties. Zolaya made me an awl and a bunch of sinew-like thread, and I'm working on a supportive bra-top of a sort. I don't have as much up front as Marlene does, but just having some sort of support for my B-cups would be nice.

This particular morning, Marlene sits on one side of me and Nora on the other, and we all sew together and chit-chat. Nora and her mate Dagesh returned the second night here at the ship, and ever since, she's been glued to either him, or me and Marlene. It's nice to have another friend. Marlene was right—those of us that resonated right away have a weird sort of bond, because we're all experiencing the same thing together. We know what it's like to be immediately tied to an alien stranger and be turned on the moment he walks in the room. We know what it's like to have your body act like you're in heat twenty-four seven. And we know what it's like to mate with one of them.

Well, sort of.

I don't know yet. All Zolaya and I have done is kiss. Lots and lots of kissing, to the point that I'm addicted to it. His hands roam over my tunic while we kiss every night, but he never tries to undress me. It's very chaste as far as relationships go.

Of course, everyone else in the cave thinks we're shagging like minxes. I haven't told anyone that we're not. Even Marlene thinks that since we've been taking one of the private rooms at night, we're doing it. I'm not entirely sure what the etiquette is for the aliens when it comes to resonance. I don't want to point out that we haven't done it yet because what if it causes Zolaya embarrassment? That's the last thing I want, so I just smile serenely when Marlene makes a coy joke or Nora confesses something new about sex with Dagesh.

Actually, Nora's pretty chatty about sex, and it takes everything I have not to show reactions when she surprises me.

Because a lot of what she says is pretty surprising.

I mean, not the fact that she likes spanking. She and Dagesh found a cubby down the hall next to the room Zolaya and I have staked out, and last night we couldn't help but hear them. A lot.

Like, a lot.

It's normal. So she likes a little kinky butt slap here and there. No big deal.

But then she also confesses that she's pretty sure that Dagesh made her pregnant on their first night and they just stayed out longer because they were too busy to leave bed.

Then she talks about the fact that Dagesh had never had a blow job before and when she went down on him it blew his mind.

Then she mentions that he was also shocked about taking her doggy-style, which is now her favorite because his spur goes into her butt and teases it when he thrusts.

It’s clear the girl’s a freak in bed.

And of course, it takes everything I have not to ask what the hell a spur is. I think of Zolaya's ridged tongue and get flustered. I mean, maybe it's like that.

Marlene's no help. She just chuckles and gives Nora a teasing wink of solidarity. If I'm going to find out what a spur is, I guess I'll need to ask Zolaya.

Of course, the thought makes me shy…and excited both.

I think of how awkward it was last night, curled up against Zolaya after a passionate round of kissing, listening to our cooties hum together…only to hear Nora’s ass being slapped and her cries of pleasure. I could feel Zolaya stiffen, and I’m pretty sure I couldn’t think of anything else while that was going on.

I’m also pretty sure it turned me on.

I’m just afraid to make the first move. I know Zolaya’s as aroused as I am when we kiss. When I rub up against him or straddle his thigh, I can feel the hard bulge of his cock pushing against my body. But he never indicates that he wants to go further than we have. He’s content to let me set the pace.

Well, maybe “content” is the wrong word. I’m pretty sure our last few kissing sessions have been anything but relaxing. Frantic, maybe. Intense, definitely. Content, no.

But I’m just not sure I’m ready to move forward yet. Hearing that there’s something called a “spur” involved makes me really, really want to ask, but I can’t. Because then Marlene and Nora will know that I haven’t done the deed with Zolaya, and they’re sure to tell their mates. One thing I’ve noticed is that with such a small group, word gets around quick. At least with Nora’s ass-slapping proclivities, people have something to talk about other than my crying.

“Here comes your mate,” Nora murmurs, leaning toward me as I sew a strap onto my bra-band. She gives me a wicked look. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

“Does not leave much, non?” Marlene teases, and Nora just laughs.

I look up and sure enough, Zolaya is heading over to the cluster of women near the fire. His spear’s in his hand and he’s got a leather sack slung crosswise over one shoulder. When our eyes meet, he nods, lifting his chin and indicating he wants to talk to me. My cootie immediately fires up, loud and blatant, and Nora giggles all over again.

Blushing, I drop my sewing and hop to my feet, trying not to look too eager. I leave the little group behind, moving to his side. The moment I do, he takes my hand in his and leads me off to the hallway with the rooms. My blush grows deeper, and I wonder if he overheard all of Nora’s sex talk and decided to add his two cents, or if something else is going on. We don’t go into our room, though, just move into the hallway and he pulls me against one of the walls. “Hi,” I whisper. “What—”

He immediately puts his spear aside and pulls me against him, kissing me so deeply that my toes curl. My murmur of surprise is stolen by his lips and turns into a moan when his tongue slicks against mine. God, in only a few short days, he’s gotten really, really good at kissing. I’m breathless by the time he lets me up, and heat is pulsing between my thighs in time to my cootie’s song.

“I missed you,” he tells me.

And now I feel on fire just hearing those three little words. “You did?”

“Yes. I heard you laughing and grew envious that I was not the one that made it so.” He gives me a crooked, wry little smile.

“So you thought you’d come kiss a few more laughs out of me?” I ask, breathless.

He shakes his head, and then heaves a deep sigh. “I must go hunting.”

“Hunting? But—”

“Not for long,” he reassures me quickly, cupping my cheek and gazing down at me as if he wishes to devour me whole. “Just the afternoon. I told my chief that I would not leave your side for longer than that. But our little group will be here a few days more, because Stay-see and Pashov have not yet returned. There must be food enough for all, and there are plenty of mouths here.” He shrugs his big shoulders in a motion that makes his hair flutter. “The nearby caches where we store food are nearly empty after a few days, so I must set traps and hunt. I will be back at sunset, though.” His eyes gleam as he studies me. “And we will go to bed together.”

“All right,” I tell him, breathless. I love the way he’s looking at me. “I’ll miss you.”

He groans and pulls me tighter against him, and I can feel the bulge of his cock under his loincloth. He strokes my hair, running his fingers through it and staring down at me. “Not nearly as much as I will miss you. At least when I am here in the cave, I can watch you from afar.”

Has he been doing that? Even when I’m sewing with Marlene and Nora? It fills me with all kinds of pleasure to hear that, and all of a sudden, I don’t want him to go either. I want to drag him to our room and ask him about his spur. I want to see for myself.

I think of his tongue and the erotic, maddening ridges on it, and the tall sweep of horns on his head that have become sexier to me by the day. I think of his tail and how it flicks against my thigh when we’re kissing, and that’s become as much of a turn-on as his tongue. I think all of these things and maybe I’m ready to push us past kissing.

But I also won’t keep him from his duty. “You’ll be back quickly though, won’t you?” His fierce nod is reassuring and I smile up at him, thinking of Nora’s constant chatter about sex. “That’s good,” I tell him and give my alien my sultriest smile. “Because I have some things to ask you when we’re alone in bed later.”

Zolaya leans down and kisses me until I’m breathless. I’m pretty sure he’s interpreting my statement to be dirty. I could correct him. Point out that it’s just innocent anatomy questions…but I don’t, because I want him to be thinking all kinds of wicked things while he’s gone.

It makes me feel good when he casts me another heated, longing look and caresses my cheek before he leaves. I’m not the only one that’s going to be excited for tonight, I suspect.

13

ARIANA

Despite my best intentions, though, I’m not able to hold it together too well as the afternoon progresses. At first, it’s just small things. A few of the big blue hunters talking quietly together and glancing over at me, then at the entrance out into the snow.

I dismiss it. It’s nothing.

This afternoon, Georgie’s joined us in our little sewing circle. She’s making a tunic for herself, and I’ve finished my new bra and am on to underwear. They won’t be form-fitting panties, but it feels strange to wear leggings with nothing underneath, so I’m making shorts with a drawstring and hope that it fits the bill. As we sew, Nora, Georgie and Marlene chatter and I mostly listen, trying not to think about how long Zolaya’s been gone. It’s tough to tell time in this new world because the suns (two of them) never seem very bright. Surely a few hours have passed, though. I wonder how long the afternoons get.

“That one seems unpleasant,” Marlene murmurs, busily sewing a fur hem onto a skirt. She pulls her thread taut and shakes her head. “The cave was far more charmant before he returned.”

I look up, surprised. “Who?”

“The frowny one that came back with Nora and her mate.”

Georgie puts a finger to her lips, indicating we should drop our voices. “That’s Haeden.”

I glance around the room and sure enough, the one new hunter that’s returned is indeed quite frowny. He sits with Vektal, talking, and as I look over, he makes eye contact with me and scowls, getting to his feet and stalking away. My anxiety flutters a little.

“Wow, he’s a little rude,” Nora comments, then bites at her thread to cut it.

“Vektal tells me he’s sour with good reason,” Georgie says in a mild tone, frowning at her sewing. “Does anyone have another needle? Mine’s blunt.”

Zolaya made me several so I offer her one. “Good reason?” I can’t help but ask.

She nods and gives me a grateful look, taking the needle from me. “It feels like gossiping, but it’s also a small tribe so you’re bound to find out anyhow. Vektal says that Haeden hasn’t been the same since he lost his resonance mate in the big plague they had about fifteen years ago. Says they never even fulfilled resonance and seeing so many new happy couples probably hurts him.”

A cold chill moves over me, a sure sign that my anxiety’s starting to return.

“Plague?” Nora whispers, her eyes wide. She leans in. “I thought that the cootie was supposed to stop us from getting sick?”

We all get quiet, listening in to Georgie.

“It does, I think,” Georgie continues. She threads her needle and focuses her gaze on her work, avoiding our curious gazes. “But from what I understand, this was different. A lot of the tribe died because whatever sickness it was overwhelmed their khuis. It’s hard to tell what happened because Vektal and the others describe things differently than we would, but from what I understand, it was very devastating and almost every single family was hit. Their tribe was already small and unbalanced and when that happened, it pretty much signaled the end for them…until we arrived.”

I swallow hard, because having an alien parasite is tough as it is. Having an alien parasite that won’t protect me from plague sounds scary. Is plague common here? One other thing bugs me even more, though. “They…didn’t fulfill resonance?”

Georgie shakes her head. “No. Vektal thinks that the longer you wait to fulfill resonance, the weaker you get. He suspects that might be why Zalah died and why Haeden almost died. Some of the others say that he’s half a person now because his mate died.”

Half a person.

I stare down at my sewing, clutched in my now-trembling hands. I try to imagine what I’d be like if Zolaya died. Would I be half a person, too? Stop it, I chide myself. You’re not going to lose him. He knows what he’s doing. He’s just out hunting.

But I glance up at the entrance to the ship anyhow. Big Aehako stands there, guarding the doorway, but it looks almost dark to me outside. Is Aehako tense? I look over at the other aliens. Vektal and Haeden both look like they’re frowning.

Is it because something happened to Zolaya?

The cold chill sweeps over me again and my chest hurts. My thoughts begin to spin out of control.

It’s fine.

It’s fine.

Really, it’s fine.

He’s strong. Nothing’s going to happen to him.

Unless…unless he got the same plague that Haeden’s mate did.

Unless not fulfilling resonance has made him vulnerable. I might be the cause of his death. He might be out there in the snow, too weak to return. Too weak to fight off a rampaging snow beast. I swallow hard.

“Anyone want some tea?” Nora asks, shivering. “It’s cold in here.”

I shake my head. My stomach hurts. I try to concentrate on my sewing again, but all I can think about is Zolaya, lying in the snow, and that it might all be my fault.

Time passes. The others keep talking, but I can’t concentrate. All I can think about is how it’s getting darker outside and yet Zolaya hasn’t returned. With every moment, I panic a little more until I can’t breathe, can’t function. I don’t want the others to know I’m struggling, though, so I laugh when the others laugh, try to sew, and look at the doorway over and over again.

And yet…the suns keep going down.

And no Zolaya.

He said he would be back by dark. That he wouldn’t leave me. And yet every moment that passes, I panic a little more.

14

ZOLAYA

I t is a good afternoon, but a long one.

I set my traps and then find a patch of roots that are used to make up kah, the dry trail rations that my Air-ee enjoys so much. I dig up several, filling my pouch but leaving enough so that this spot will repopulate with more plants. As I get to my feet, I see fresh prints in the snow on a nearby hillock—dvisti. Young, if the depth of the hoofprints are any indication. Possibly lame, because one of the prints is elongated, as if dragged slightly. Interesting. Either it is separated from the herd or following behind. Either way, if I can find it, it will make good eating. I glance up at the sky. Getting late, but there is still time to hunt some fresh meat for my mate. I can show her how tasty fresh, bloody meat is. It will be good for her, help her get stronger. Encouraged by the thought, I shoulder my pack full of roots and follow the trail.

Some time later, I find my prey—it is a young dvisti, favoring one foot as it picks its way through the snow. It has been left behind by the herd, and already snow-cats stalk the shadows, waiting for it to lower its guard. The wind shifts and it stumbles away, forcing me to chase after it. I could leave it to the snow-cats, but if it is a choice between feeding them or my Air-ee, I will choose her. So I continue on, even though it means I am a little farther from the Elders’ Cave.

It leads me on a chase despite its injury, and by the time I bring it down, it is dusk. I slit the throat to let the blood out and remove some of the organs that will go bad if I carry it back. Then, once the kill is dressed, I sling it over my shoulder and begin the long walk back to the Elders’ Cave. I will be tired and covered in blood once I return, but I am looking forward to seeing my sweet Air-ee’s face and kissing her. She hinted at taking things further tonight, and I am eager to return to her side. It is difficult to be patient when all I want to do is hold her close and taste her everywhere.

Perhaps tonight, we will fulfill resonance.

When I return, it is dark. The fires for cooking meat just outside of the Elders’ Cave draw me to them, and I deposit my kill in front of Aehako and Haeden.

“Good hunt,” Haeden says, voice gruff. He immediately grabs the dvisti, pulls out his knife and begins to skin it.

“I found a great deal of roots, too. We should make trail rations, replenish our supplies.” I empty my bag in front of the hunters. “I can help. I just need to—”

Aehako clears his throat.

I glance up.

My friend tilts his head at me, indicating the Elders’ Cave. “A word, friend.”

An ominous feeling settles in my gut. I get to my feet and follow Aehako as he steps away from the fire. Haeden remains behind, busily cleaning the kill. Aehako takes a few steps into the snow and then pauses, arms crossed over his chest.

“What is it?” I ask, unable to wait any longer. “Is it Air-ee-aw-nuh?”

He shrugs. “It might be nothing. But your little mate seems…uneasy this afternoon. I have not said anything to the others, but there is something about her manner that is off. You might wish to talk with her, see what troubles her.”

Her mind-avalanche. It has to be. I wonder what caused it? Concerned, I clap his shoulder as I move past, needing to get to my mate before another moment passes. “My thanks,” I tell him and then race up the ramp into the Elders’ Cave.

Inside, it seems quiet and serene. There is a low fire in the center of the chamber, and a faint haze of smoke fills the cave. People are clustered around the fire and the females look up as I enter, then quickly look back down at their work, the hum of conversations undisturbed.

All except one. My Air-ee sits by the fire, her sewing clutched in her hands. Even from across the cave, I can tell something is wrong. Her fingers tremble and she tries to pull her needle, her motions clumsy. Her face is utterly pale and she seems…disjointed. She blinks at me, as if not daring to believe her eyes. Her sewing drops to her lap and her lower lip trembles, and I can tell she is about to break down. It is clear she is trying very hard to seem normal, because her friends at her side chatter as if nothing is wrong.

But it is obvious to me there is a problem, and I know what it is. Her avalanche is attacking her thoughts. I must help her.

I push forward, heedless of the greetings I receive. My only thought is to get to her side. As soon as I do, I sweep her into my arms and haul her against my chest, carrying her back to our private chamber. I can feel her tremble in my arms as I carry her away. She is silent, but I know she is moments away from losing control. Her khui sings loudly to mine, our joined song filling the cavern, and the shocked laughter of the other females follows us as we leave. They will think I have stolen my mate away because I cannot control my need for her. They will think I am weak, conquered by my mate’s soft skin and slight body.

Let the others think what they want, so long as they do not judge her.

Her tears fall against my chest as I carry her away. “I’m sorry,” she whispers. “I’m sorry. I kept telling myself that it was going to be fine, but—”

“Never apologize,” I tell her firmly. “You said it would take time for your avalanche to calm down. It is my mistake that I left you alone for too long.”

“I can be alone,” she protests, sniffling. “I just…I have someone else to worry about now. When sunset hit, it started to eat at me and then I couldn’t stop worrying.”

She worries over me? I feel a burst of joy, and utter chagrin. How long did I chase a wounded dvisti, simply because I hated to give up on so much fresh meat? I should have returned to the cave. I should have thought of my mate. It is all still new to me, but I will remember in the future. “It is my fault. I stayed out later than I should—”

“No, you were hunting,” she protests. “That’s what you do. I need to get over it.” She draws a shaky breath, and I can feel her tremble. “I just need to calm down.”

“I am here—”

“I know!” Her hands flutter uselessly even as I push my way into our room. “I just…I can’t relax. My brain’s racing and…” She presses her hands to her forehead. “I can’t breathe.”

Her panic fuels mine, and I worry for a moment that something else is wrong, but as I lay her gently down on the furs, I notice she is taking shallow, rasping little breaths. I race to pull the privacy screen over the doorway and then move back to her side, pulling her into my arms. “Shhh, my pretty mate. You can breathe.”

“I’m trying,” she tells me, raising tear-filled eyes to mine.

I wrap my arms tight around her and rest my head on her shoulder, enveloping her against my body. I can feel the panicked shuddering that she fought so hard to conceal from the others. “No one is here but me,” I tell her. “You can cry all you want, but do not apologize or we will both spend all night apologizing to one another, and that is not how I wished to spend this night.”

Her choked laugh turns into a sob. “Me either.” She presses her cheek to my forehead, breathing ragged. “I was going to brew some tea, but the others were around, and I didn’t want them to know—”

“It is all right,” I tell her. “I am here. Do you want some tea? I can make you some.”

“Not if it puts me to sleep.” Her hands hold on to my arms tightly. “I wanted to see you all day. I don’t want to sleep now that you’re back.” She rubs her face against mine, and I can feel her shaking. “Please, just let me stay with you.”

“I am here,” I repeat again, and because it sends a tremor through her, I press my mouth to her neck and repeat it. “I am here.”

She nods, jerky. “I just…need to…calm down.”

“Breathe with me.” I keep my voice smooth and low even as I hold tight to her. “In and out. Slow and easy. We will breathe together, you and I. Our lungs will move as one, just like our khuis.” I lift one hand from her waist and press it against her chest, over her heart. She has no plating here and feels so, so vulnerable. “Breathe.”

I inhale slowly, as loud and deliberate as I can. I am pleased when she matches her breathing to mine, and we breathe quietly together for endless moments, the only sound that of our matching breaths. In and out. In and out. Over and over, slow and steady. The hum of her khui slows its frantic song and turns to something more languid, and mine follows suit. My body aches at her nearness, but her well-being comes first.

When her trembling slows, I press my lips to her neck again and stroke her arm. “Can you talk about it?”

Her laugh is a little tired, a little dizzy. “It’s stupid.”

“It is not stupid. It is your pebble at the top of the mountain, remember?”

She sighs deeply and leans back against me, taking another deep breath. She finally feels like she is relaxing, and I am glad. I stroke her arm again, rubbing her. She wears far too many layers for me to properly touch her, but for now, I will try to caress and comfort how I can. “Pebble atop the mountain is right. It just…Haeden was looking at me weird and then kept looking at the doorway, and I thought maybe he knew something about you that I didn’t. That you were hurt or injured.”

Haeden? I want to growl. “Did he say something to you?”

“No. Which is why it’s just silliness in my head. Georgie says he lost his mate and it’s affecting him to have everyone here.”

I realize that she’s right. I have been so caught up in my Air-ee I have forgotten Haeden’s tragedy. It makes sense as to why his lip curls every time he sees my mate. It must pain him, because Air-ee is beautiful and fragile and holds tight to me, when Haeden’s own mate could not stand the sight of him. I will strive to be more understanding then…so long as he is not cruel to my Air-ee. “It is true,” I venture. “He is lost in his own misery.”

“I know how that is.” Her voice is full of sympathy. “Maybe I’ll try and talk to him. Make friends. He could probably use them.”

She has such a kind heart. The thought of her talking to Haeden makes my chest squeeze though, because I do not want him to be cruel to her. She has enough to worry about and I think if he was unfriendly to her, it would crush her gentle spirit. I will have to talk to him and warn him first, I think. If he makes one tear fall from her eyes, I will fill his boots with smelly dirtbeak feathers every night for a turn straight.

“From there, things just spiraled,” Air-ee murmurs, holding tightly to me. “The suns went down and I kept worrying you would be hurt, that you were out there in the snow, bleeding…”

“I am a very capable hunter, I promise.”

“I’m sure you are. I didn’t mean it like that.”

I nuzzle her cheek, rubbing my nose against her soft skin. “I know you did not. Shall I take you with me tomorrow when I go hunting? You can judge for yourself how competent I am.”

“Oh…can I?” She sounds so hopeful. “I’d love to go.”

“Of course. It will be a lot of walking, however.”

“I made a tunic today. And a bra. And I have boots.”

“Very well, then we shall go in the morning. I will wake you up early and we will check my traps and look for fresh tracks in the snow.”

Air-ee gives a contented little sigh and leans heavily against me. “All right.”

She sounds drowsy, as if her panic has worn her out. “You should sleep,” I murmur, rubbing my nose against her cheek again. The scent of her is irresistible.

“I don’t want to sleep,” she murmurs, burrowing backward against me. She turns her face toward mine, her lips barely brushing against my face. “I just want to be near you.”

“You can ask me your question, then,” I tell her. “The one you said you would save until tonight.”

Her slight body stiffens against me and she sucks in a breath. For a moment, I think I have said something to offend her, and then I realize her khui is humming even louder. She is aroused.

Mmm, I like the thought of this.

“I…it’s not important,” she tells me, breathless. “It can wait.”

“I am your mate, Air-ee. You can ask me all your questions and I will answer them. I will never laugh.”

“You might laugh at this one.”

“I will not know unless you ask.” I shift our bodies and slide her against my thigh until she is half-turned in my arms, because I wish to look at her. I want to see her face when she asks her question. I like to see the color rise in her cheeks. I am fascinated by it, and by her.

I am fascinated by everything about her, truly.

She inhales sharply and then gives me a long, curious look. “You’re sure?” When I nod, she continues in a breathless rush, “What’s a spur?”

15

ARIANA

I  can tell my question startles him. It takes a lot to rattle Zolaya, I think, but he goes very still against me and just blinks. Those glowing, bright blue eyes blink. And blink again.

“My…spur?”

“Yes.” I’m starting to squirm uncomfortably, because I get the feeling I just asked something ultra private. I hope it’s not like a prostate. “Nora was going on and on about it and Marlene just giggled and well…I thought I should know what one is since we’re mated and everyone thinks we’re doing it…” And now I sound like a breathless teenager.

“I see. Do human men not have a spur?”

“If they do, I’m unaware of it. They also don’t have tails or horns, so I thought it was worth asking. I assume”—I clear my throat as delicately as possible—“that it’s somewhere underneath the loincloth since Nora raved about it and we both know how much Nora likes sex.”

Zolaya snorts, amused. “There is no mistaking that.”

“If you don’t want to talk about it—”

“No, we can discuss it. I am not afraid.” There’s amusement in his voice, and a hint of something else. Something smoky and sexy. “What do you wish to know?”

“Do you have one?”

“Every male has one.”

“Is it like…your balls?” I feel like such a child asking about his damn nuts.

“If you ask does it hang below my cock, no. It is above it. Would you like to see?”

My mouth goes dry. I’m glad it’s dark and shadowy in here so he can’t see just how much that question turns me on. Of course, my cootie gives me away. It flares up like it’s in a marching band, and the sound of my purring fills the room with a ferocious clamor. Dear lord. “Um, sure. If you want to show me.”

He gets to his feet and starts to strip, and I feel like I’m trapped in some weird sort of quasi-reality where my hunkier-than-Chippendales alien mate is stripping to show me his spur. I should tell him it isn’t necessary. That I can infer just where it’s at on his body and I don’t need to see proof.

But do I say that? Nope. I clasp my hands in my lap and try not to stare as he pulls the ties to his loincloth free and the entire thing drops to his ankles.

Zolaya naked is…really impressive. I’ve felt the bulge of him against my leg plenty of times as we’ve kissed, so I knew he was well-equipped, but seeing him naked is like seeing him for the first time. There’s nothing left to the imagination (and boy, do I have an imagination) and I’m stunned into silence at the sheer physicality of him. He’s gorgeous. It’s shadowy in here, but there’s just enough light to see by from our glowing eyes to outline his form. I know I’m supposed to be looking for a spur, but I can’t help but stare at the enormous length of him that’s fully erect and practically straining for my touch. His cock juts out from gorgeously muscular thighs, and the vee of his hips is enough to make an Olympic swimmer weep with envy. He’s hairless and smooth, and his tail lashes back and forth, the only sign that he’s aware of my staring.

Of course I’m staring, though. That’d be like taking a girl to the Grand Canyon and asking her not to stare at the…well, grandness. Because mercy me, there is a lot of grandness here.

I've never been a huge fan of penises. They're just, well, kind of funny looking. But this is the prettiest dick I've ever seen, and I can't stop staring. It's also the biggest, which is fascinating, but Zolaya's junk looks like it was sculpted from some girl's dirty fantasies. He's long and thick, enough to make me pause, but not so big that I'm fearing for my internal organs. He's also got those fascinating ridges all along his length like his tongue does, and his chest and arms. Even here, he's got plating of a sort and it makes me shiver because I can only imagine how that feels when he's thrusting. His sac is heavy and completely hairless, just like the rest of him, and even that somehow manages to look elegant and masculine instead of just wrinkly.

Dear lord, my cootie is either the most evil creature imaginable or the most thoughtful. I'm leaning toward the latter.

Oh, and there's his spur. I don't know what I was expecting—probably something horned and scary-seeming—but it looks kind of, well, cute. It's a bit like a thumb and I'm happy to say that it doesn't look sharp in the slightest. No wonder Nora likes it in her butt. Of course, just thinking about that makes me blush, and I glance up at Zolaya to see how he's taking my scrutiny.

His eyes are hooded and his breathing is slow and regular. Only his tail twitches in evidence of just how hard he's trying to be still. That, and the fact that the head of his cock is shiny with wetness.

I lift my hands, unable to resist. "Can I touch you?"

I hear his sharp exhale. "To explore me? Of course."

"Well, that and because I want to touch you," I tell him, smiling. "Going down on a guy is not just about him."

"Go…down?"

"Oh, that's a human term. A blow job. Taking a guy in your mouth," I say the last part with a breathless note in my voice, unable to resist the siren call of that perfect-looking dick. Even his length is just right, his shaft straight and not a hint of curve. I can see a vein along the underside that's just begging to be traced, but I hold back and wait, glancing up at him to see his reaction.

He's completely and utterly still.

"Um, Zolaya?"

"Take me in your mouth?" he asks after a moment. "My cock?"

"Well, I can do your balls, too, if that's more your thing, but cock's definitely more fun for me." I rub my hands on my leather leggings, just because now I'm twitchy at holding back from touching him.

"Humans do this?" He sounds so shocked.

I forgot that I'm dealing with a virgin. Maybe it's because he just stripped so very shamelessly in front of me that I'm having trouble pairing the two sides together. "Yes. It feels really good and it's fun."

"Humans are…very creative with their mouths."

I laugh. "Aren't we?" I slide my hand up his thigh. "Does that mean you don't want me to touch you? I won't, if it bothers you."

"I am…no, wait." He grabs my hand, as if I'm going to pull it away. "I do not want you to stop. I am just thinking. It is much to consider."

"Now it sounds like you're the one that's doing too much thinking," I tell him ruefully. "But I get it. I'm just throwing it out there—"

"You truly wish to do this?" His tail swishes so fast it could be motorized.

"Well, yeah. I mean, I wouldn't offer if I didn't. And I would assume it would be reciprocal at some point. Didn't you tell me that a guy loves his resonance mate's taste on his tongue? How is this so different?"

He makes a low sound in his throat. "Because it is you pleasuring me and not the other way around."

"I'm a big equal-opportunity gal when it comes to pleasure," I tell him, skating my fingers up his thigh. "So what do you think?"

"I think if you do this, I am going to put my head between your thighs until your entire body shivers. That is what I think." His voice is so, so thick with need that it sends prickles up and down my arms. I love how he's standing so still, but I can tell he's so close to losing his control. And I really, really want to see that.

And, okay, I'm going to let him do what he likes to me because why would a girl ever turn that down? From her sexy mate? I'd be crazy. "Me first," I tell him, breathless, and then carefully place my fingertips on his cock.

I don't do more than that, because I want to see how he reacts. His breath hisses between his teeth and his tail flicks rapidly, his hands clenching at his sides. Poor Zolaya, he looks as if he's in pain, he's trying so hard to be still.

"Is this okay?" I ask him.

"Yes. Do as you like."

I bite back my giggle at his businesslike tone. "Thank you. I appreciate that." I tilt my head and skate my fingers up and down his length, learning him with a touch. His skin feels scorchingly hot here, and the ridges that bump along my fingers feel softer than the ones on his chest, which is a good thing. I trace that vein that was calling my name earlier, and then drag my fingertip through the pre-cum on the head of his cock, making little circles in the wetness. His body twitches in response to my touch, but he continues to remain very, very still, as if his life depends on it.

That's so cute. It's quickly becoming my goal to break that intense concentration he has. I want to see him lose control. I want to hear him moan for me.

16

ARIANA

I  delicately caress his spur, learning it with my fingertips. It feels hard, but not so hard that it would hurt me like bone would. It's mystifying looking and I'm not entirely certain why he would have such a thing, but there has to be a biological reason. "Does this do anything?"

"No." He sounds strained as I caress it. "It is just…my spur."

"Ah. Does it feel good when I touch it?"

"My Air-ee, everything feels good when you touch it." He reaches out and caresses my cheek, and there's such intense affection in his eyes that I feel loved and cherished, even though we've only known each other for a few days. Funny how that works. Funny how wonderful it is. Here with him, I don't have to be anxious. Zolaya will take care of me. It's a relieving sort of feeling, and I smile up at him. I wonder if it's too early for me to tell him I love him. Probably. That's likely just the cootie talking, so I'll wait a little longer. Until then, though, I can pleasure him. I rub my cheek against his hand, leaning into his touch. My cootie's purring wildly, and it's so loud and frenetic that it actually feels like I've got a vibrator going in my chest. It's a good feeling, but it's also frustrating, because it's not hitting any of my pleasure points, and those are flaring with need more with every second that passes.

I slide my hand up and down his length again, watching his face. His gaze is riveted on me as I kneel in front of him, but tension emanates from his body. I want a different kind of tension moving through him. The kind where he pushes into my mouth and fucks it because he can't control himself. Just thinking about that makes me suck in a breath, shocked at how aroused that one little thought makes me.

"What is it?" he asks.

"Just thinking about something," I whisper. "Want me to show you?"

I love his groan of response, his quick, jerky nod.

I move my hand up and curl my fingers around the shaft, below the head. I tighten, just a little. And then I lean in and give the head of his cock a long, sultry lick.

The breath explodes from his lungs. He cries out, the sound so guttural and intense that I'm positive anyone in one of the nearby rooms would have heard that. And just knowing I can wring that sound from Zolaya makes me so incredibly turned on. I'm wet between my thighs, and when I shift my weight, I can feel the slickness between my legs. It feels good and leaves me aching both at once. For now, though, I want to hear Zolaya make more of those sounds.

I take one of his fisted hands, clenched at his side, and move it to my hair. "You can touch me," I whisper, then lean in to taste him again.

Zolaya groans again and begins to caress my head even as I lick his cock. I take my time, teasing with every touch of my tongue, exploring him and seeing what motions wring a sound from him and which ones make him utterly still. He's so warm and musky and the feel of him is so hard and appealing that I can't help myself. I nibble on his shaft and tease him with my fingers, but I'm drawn irrevocably to the head of him again, and I take him in my mouth. I slide my tongue along the underside of his cock-head and then draw in, sucking on his length as I feed him deeper. His responses encourage me until I'm pulling him as far back into my throat as I can, trying to make every drag of my tongue as pleasurable as I can. His hips move in a subtle thrust, pumping into my mouth, and then he goes still.

I caress him with my hand and make a noise of encouragement, letting him know that I like that. I love that he's losing control over the pleasure I can give him. He moves again, his breath stuttering, and then I feel heat spurt against the back of my throat. He jerks backward, even as my mouth floods with his come, and then he pulls away.

"I—" He draws a ragged breath and turns away from me. It's clear he didn't mean to come that quickly. My sweet Zolaya. I'm filled with such adoration for him that I want to giggle—but I don't dare.

I reach out and caress his tail, even as I swallow. "It's all right," I whisper to him. "Don't turn away. I liked that."

He lets out a tortured grunt, then turns back to me, caressing my cheek. His eyes are dazed. "I wanted that to last longer."

I smile up at him, the taste of his release still on my tongue. "We'll just have to practice."

Zolaya closes his eyes and gives a little groan. "My mate, your enthusiasm will leave me so spent I will be bedridden."

I giggle at that, because it's the weirdest—and cutest—compliment I've ever gotten. "Thank you, I think."

He drops to his knees in front of me and cups my face. "You have given me a gift of pleasure, my sweet Air-ee. Thank you."

I reach out and tickle his sides, just to break the serious mood of the moment. "You can't thank me for blowing you, silly. Just like I can't apologize when I cry. These are things that just happen."

"Mmm, not just happen." He gives me a speculative look even as he kisses my nose. "I think my mate planned on seducing my cock the moment I dropped my loincloth."

"Well, you were rather unashamed about it," I tease back. "How was I to know you'd be so shy once I put my mouth on you—" My words break off into a squeal when he grabs me by the waist and pushes me backward into the furs. "I'm joking, I'm joking!"

The smile on his face is fierce—and full of mischief. "Shall I show you how hard it is to keep control when your resonance mate takes you in his mouth?" He puts a hand to my stomach, holding me down on the furs, and his other hand goes to my knee. "Shall we see how good your control is then, my mate?"

This time, I'm the one that's moaning, because I'm so aroused that he's bound to notice. I’m squirming with need and waiting for him to realize that.

He tugs at my clothing and I suddenly feel far too clothed, and far too unattractive in the borrowed, cinched-down leathers. I want to make my own clothes so they can be pretty and fitted and show off my figure. I want to be sexy for him, and because it makes me feel good about myself to look sexy, too. "Take my pants off?" I ask him, breathless with excitement. I think of the ridges on his tongue and I'm practically moaning just at the thought.

Zolaya pulls on my leathers, undoing the drawstring of my waistband with a practiced motion and then sliding them down my hips. He gazes down at me and looks surprised at the curls between my thighs. I remember how hairless his body was and squirm a little underneath his gaze. "There a problem?"

"I have never seen you like this before. I am enjoying." He pats my hip absently, not taking his gaze off the vee between my thighs. "Do not interrupt."

I bite back my nervous laugh. "Let me know when you'd like for me to participate," I joke.

That gets his attention. "You already participated," he tells me in a sultry purr. "Now it is my turn. I am just enjoying the sight of you. Our females do not have this." He gently brushes his knuckles over my curls and then leans in to rub his face against them. It's a little awkward, but when his lips brush along the seam of my pussy, I forget all about that. A moan escapes me and my thighs slide farther apart, a silent invitation for him to move between them.

Zolaya takes his sweet time, though. He's more interested in learning me, just as I explored him, and now I'm starting to regret all that teasing I did. He carefully peels the leathers off me, one leg at a time, until I'm bare from the waist down, and even then, he doesn't dive right in. He caresses my knee, the inside of my thigh, and then moves his mouth to a spot the moment his hand vacates it. It's lovely and relaxing and infuriating all at once. I want him to keep going, and I want him to stop and get down to business.

"You smell so good," he murmurs as he rubs his nose along the inside of my thigh. "I could drink of your scent every day and never tire of it."

"That's…nice." I put my hands on his head, feeling his horns and the thick fall of his hair around them. Would it be rude of me to push him between my legs? Or does my virgin need a little prompting? I debate the thought. I don't want to seem too pushy, but every sweep of his breath against my bare skin is maddening. I'm practically ready to come out of my own body. I arch my hips, undulating in a hopeful motion. "Zolaya, I need you."

"Mm, do you?" He looks up at me, and his gaze is so sultry-eyed and confident that I realize this is all part of his game. He's not shy about this at all. He's doing it deliberately to drive me wild. There's a confident little smile on his mouth that tells me he knows exactly what he's doing, and I moan at the realization.

And then I grab his horns and gently steer him lower.

He chuckles. "My mate is demanding."

"Very," I pant. "She's all turned on because of you."

“Then I should give in to her demands,” Zolaya tells me in the sexiest damn voice, and with his eyes locked on me, he leans in and flicks his tongue against my pussy.

My gasp echoes in the room. For a virgin, he’s sure got good instincts for this sort of thing. My nipples are tight and aching, and every rub of them against the leather of my tunic is sweet torture. I want him to strip me naked…but I don’t want him to stop what he’s doing either, not when he’s just now getting to the good stuff.

He makes a sound of pleasure low in his throat, and I can feel his fingers part my folds. Then he gives me a long, slow taste with that ridged tongue and I’m whimpering.

“They were right,” he murmurs.

“What?” I’m having a hard time concentrating. All I know is that I need him to keep going.

“There is no taste sweeter than a resonance mate on the tongue,” Zolaya says, and then he licks me again.

I press my fist to my forehead, because this is agony, but the best kind possible. I want to rise up on the bedding and shove my hips into his face, but he clasps my wriggling hip in one hand and holds me down, then begins to lick me again in earnest. Each brush of his lips over my flesh as he learns me is both the best thing I’ve ever felt and the biggest torture ever.

And then he discovers my clit. His tongue sweeps up against it and my choked cry is so loud that I slap a hand over my mouth in embarrassment.

“Ah,” he breathes. “The third nipple.”

The what?

It doesn’t matter what he’s calling it, though, because he decides that it’s his new favorite spot, and that means lots of licking and sucking. I’m writhing underneath him with every flash of his tongue over it, and I’m nearly out of my mind with delirious need when he rubs a finger against the entrance to my core in the perfect tease.

A brutal climax rips through me, and my cries fill the room as he thrusts one finger deep and relentlessly laps at my clit with his tongue. It doesn’t matter that I’m clenching with release—he’s determined to wring more from me. And more. And more.

It feels like I’m coming for ten minutes straight before I can’t take any more and push at his head. “No more,” I pant, trying to pull air into my lungs. I’m the most wrung-out woman on the planet. I’m a puddle of mush. I’m boneless and noodle-like. My knees are jelly. My thighs quiver with aftershocks.

I feel amazing.

Zolaya presses a few more kisses to the insides of my thighs, as if he’s reluctant to leave his spot between my legs. He lifts his head again and the look he gives me is the smugly proud expression of a man who’s given his woman a really great orgasm. “You are very noisy when you come, my mate.”

“Am I?” I pant, pressing my hand to my forehead. I don’t even care. If I heard Nora getting spanked, the others can hear me making a few noises of my own. “That was…damn.”

“Damn is good?”

“Damn is amazing,” I tell him as he crawls up the furs and comes to lie next to me. He slides alongside my body and I roll on my side to press against him. I can feel his cock is hard and ready again despite the fact that he came a short time ago, and I reach for him.

Zolaya grabs my hand and pulls it to his mouth, pressing a kiss to my palm.

“Don’t want me to touch you?” I’m confused.

“I love it when you touch me,” he admits, and then leans in to rub his nose against mine. “But you have had a long day. You are tired.”

“Of course I’m tired. You just made me come for a half hour straight.” A slight exaggeration. Possibly.

He chuckles and puts my hand on his chest, then moves his to my bare butt, squeezing it. “And yet you still tremble. You are tired, my mate. There is nothing wrong with acknowledging this. You have had a long day with your mind-avalanche.” He presses a light kiss to my forehead. “You should sleep now.”

I am tired, he’s not wrong about that. I’m also feeling delightfully languid with the heat of his body against my bare thighs and in the aftermath of my orgasm, but it feels strange to stop now. “We’re not going to fulfill resonance?”

“We will,” he reassures me. “But not tonight. Our khuis have waited this long. They can wait one night more.”

Can they? Can he? I curl up against him and rest my head on the crook of his shoulder. It feels like I should argue that particular point. I think of Haeden and his unfulfilled resonance and how unpleasant he is. I’d hate for Zolaya to turn into that. I love how teasingly cheerful and confident he is. He’s a good foil to my nervous self.

But gosh, I am tired. Just the thought of lifting my arm feels like effort. I yawn against his chest and close my eyes, feeling protected and comfortable in his arms. Something slithers against my knee and when I glance down, I see his tail slide down and curl, ever so slightly, around my ankle. I’m trapped against him, his arms and tail wrapped around me.

I love it.

“Tomorrow we go hunting together, remember,” Zolaya tells me softly, brushing my hair back from my face. “The weather will be good and there is more meat needed to feed the mouths here.”

“Sounds good. You won’t leave in the morning without me, will you?” I mumble, half asleep already.

I love the low sound of his chuckle as it rolls through the room. “Never. I have promised to take you, and I will. I can show you how strong a hunter I am and ease your fears. Then you will not worry when I go out on the trail.”

“Sounds fun,” I say, yawning. Actually I’m not sure if it does sound all that fun, because I’m really not an outdoorsy girl and I’m already tired of all this snow.

But being with him is worth it.

17

ZOLAYA

I t is clear after even a very short time that my mate is not meant to be a hunter.

She tries, of course. She does her best to keep up with me on the snow-covered trails, and watches intently as I check my traps and re-set the ones that are sprung but empty. When I see the fresh tracks of a hopper, I show her how to read the prints and then we follow them to a small stand of bushes. The scared hopper flees when we arrive, but one quick throw of my spear and it is down.

My mate swallows a horrified little scream at the sight, though she does her best to hide it. Vektal did say his human mate was not used to killing her own food, so I assume my Air-ee is not, either. Indeed, she looks so sad when I cut the twitching creature’s throat that I wonder if I should have not left her at the cave. But I wanted her to see me hunting, to know there is nothing to be afraid of.

Hunting is a part of my life. I cannot give it up because I would grow fat and lazy from boredom and the tribe would suffer with one less hunter to bring home food. But Air-ee’s fears must be confronted.

Still, after seeing her reaction, I think perhaps she will be happiest in the cave. Not everyone has to hunt. Hemalo does not. Maylak’s mate Kashrem will if necessary, but he prefers to work hides instead. And Maylak herself is far too gentle to hunt anything. It does not matter.

“We can go back,” I tell her when she winces at my next kill—a hissing snow-cat who has nearly torn off its own leg to break free of my trap. “You do not have to be part of this.”

“No, it’s okay,” she tells me, her voice faint. “I need to see. If this is my home now, I need to understand. I’m fine. I swear.”

She does not look fine, but I do not argue. I finish with the snow-cat and then haul it over my shoulder. This one will go to the nearest cache.

My mate jogs behind me, her breath puffing. “Question.”

“Eh?” I turn to look at her. “What is it?”

“You didn’t set a trap up on that ridge?” She points off into the horizon, where there is a cluster of low bushes peeking out from a veil of snow. “You’ve set traps in several other bushy areas. How come not there?”

I grin at her and lean in, giving her adorably small nose a poke. “Because it is high and I do not like heights.”

She giggles, and the giggle turns into a squeal of horror. “Your hands are filthy!”

“Of course they are. Did you not see me slit the throat of this beast? It does not bleed fresh, pure snow.”

Air-ee gags. “I can’t believe you touched me with that finger. Now my entire face is probably covered with germs.”

I do not know what a germ is, but her outrage is charming. “If I wash my hands between every kill, I will spend more time washing than hunting. But I will wash my hands at the next stream just to please you.” The wind whips my long mane into my face. I go to push it away but my mate makes a sound of horror at my dirty hands.

“Let me,” Air-ee says. “Kneel down and I’ll fix it for you.”

I do as she asks, mostly because I am amused at this fierce, bossy side of her. Her hands are gentle as she pulls my thick mane back from my horns, where it tangles around them, and then continues to comb it back with her fingers. “Can I braid this for you?”

I do so sometimes, but it always snarls and falls apart because I am impatient and do not properly weave it. “If you like.”

Her cool fingers stroke against my scalp and I close my eyes, enjoying the feel of her touch. My khui hums an insistent song at her nearness, and I can hear hers calling out in return. I like this, though. I like my mate fussing over me. It is a small thing, but so enjoyable.

“Do you have a hair tie of some kind?” Her voice is low and husky, and I can tell she is thinking about mating. I like that. I like that just touching me makes her want more than just toying with my mane.

“In my pouch I have leather scraps.” I normally keep them for fixing spearheads while I am out on the trails, but this will work just as well.

“Don’t move,” she tells me and then puts the tip of my long braid between her lips as she kneels on the ground next to me and digs in my pouch.

Strangely enough, the sight of her with my braid in her mouth makes my cock hard as stone. It is difficult to concentrate on remaining still for her, especially when her hands brush against me inside the pouch. She finds what she seeks, though, and then ties back the tip of my braid. “All done. How’s it feel?”

The only feeling I have at the moment is my cock, and it aches. But I obligingly swing my head, testing the braid, and find that it is light and unobtrusive. “Very pleasant. I like it.”

Air-ee beams at me. “I can do it for you every time if you like. It’s a French braid. It’ll keep your hair out of your face better than your regular braid.”

Is she thinking about her future with me, then? I am pleased. I picture mornings together, making love under the furs, then drinking tea and her braiding my mane back before sending me on my way to hunt with a kiss. It is such a pleasant image that I feel a fierce sense of longing sweep over me. I have never thought about family much. Mine died during the khui sickness when I was barely of age to be a hunter. I have always had my friends that I shared a hunter’s cave with, and work to keep me busy. I have never minded being alone…

But now I find that I have something—and someone—to come back to, and the thought of a cave with my Air-ee at my side fills me with joy and yearning both. “I would enjoy that very much.”

I love her happy, shy smile and the way she looks at me so warmly.

Perhaps tonight we will fulfill resonance and I will claim her as mine. I think we have waited long enough, and last night’s play has only whetted my appetite for more. I can hardly wait to return and reclaim our little cave tonight.

As if her thoughts are the same as mine, my mate gets to her feet and dusts off her leggings. “Shall we go, then? I’m not completely traumatized yet, so I assume we’re not done.”

“Traum-tize. That is a big human word,” I muse as I stand once more.

“It means watching you kill my dinner makes me sad.”

“Not as sad as no dinner,” I tell her and sling my kills back over my shoulder again. “I have experienced that and it is a much, much sadder thing.”

“And now I feel like a whiner,” she says cheerfully. “All right, lead on. Let’s get all the slaughtering over with.”

“All the slaughtering makes tasty meals.”

“If you say so. I think I still prefer a ShopRite. That’s a grocery store. All the meat comes in hermetically sealed, blood-free packages.”

I grunt. “I do not understand how you get the prey to stand still long enough to package it.”

She giggles and nudges me. “God, you are cute.”

WHEN WE RETURN TO THE ELDERS’ Cave at dusk, there are many standing outside near one of the fires. I see Vektal talking to someone, his back to me.

“What’s going on?” Air-ee asks, and slips her gloved hand back into mine. After the last hand-washing at a stream, she bundled up and her teeth have chattered and clacked with a chill. “Is s-something wrong?”

I hear a boisterous laugh and as Haeden moves away from the group, I see Pashov. He has his arm around his smiling mate’s shoulders. “Pashov and his female have returned.”

That means we will leave in the morning for the home cave and reunite with the tribe.

My Air-ee stiffens next to me and I can feel the worry roll over her. She knows what this means. “What about Liz and that other guy, though?”

“Raahosh?” I shake my head. “He is stubborn and wily. They will not be back until he is ready to return her. We will not wait for them.”

“Oh. I guess that means we’re leaving.”

She is far too clever, my mate. “In the morning, yes.”

I feel the tremble move through her body and I suspect it is not just the cold. It is her mind-avalanche, working itself up.

I squeeze her hand to remind her that I am here. That I have her and will not leave her side. “It will be all right.”

Air-ee looks up at me and nods absently. “It has to happen at some point.” But she does not seem enthusiastic.

Mating will have to wait, I decide. My Air-ee will need her sleep for traveling tomorrow. Resonance is not nearly as important as her strength. I tell myself that over and over again, but it still takes time for my khui to heed this.

I am the most patient hunter ever, I think. My cock has suffered long and my khui is ferociously angry at me. But Air-ee is all that matters. Everything else can wait.

18

ARIANA

Z olaya doesn’t touch me that night. We kiss a little, but then he tucks me against his chest and tells me I should sleep. That it will be a hard day’s travel back to the home cave and I’ll need my strength.

Secretly, I think he’s being extra careful with me so I don’t lose it.

Secretly, I don’t blame him.

I haven’t exactly been the most stable of women since he met me. And tonight I took some of the calming tea just before bed because I’ve been a little on edge. Stacy got lasered right after she and Pashov returned, so everyone spent most of the evening preparing to head to the home cave. Most are excited to see what our new home will look like. To meet the rest of the tribe. To stop traveling and have a place to call home.

Me, I’m just anxious that there’s going to be an entirely new set of people and another social dynamic. Anxious people don’t like change, and there’s been nothing but change lately in my life. Big, impossible to ignore change. I’ll get through it. I have no choice. But it doesn’t mean that my mind isn’t whirling a mile a minute, coming up with all kinds of terrible scenarios.

What if we get to the home cave and there’s no room for us?

What if we get there and no one likes me?

What if we get there and Zolaya acts different?

What if we get there and there’s no privacy and no place for us to have a home of our own?

What if we get there and we stop resonating?

What if he can’t get me pregnant and then he stops wanting to be with me and then I’m the weird rejected human woman? What do I do then?

What if, what if, what if?

My brain is such an asshole. I start to calm down and it fires a new, frightening scenario at me.

I do my best to sleep, to rest and put these thoughts out of my mind, but my unquiet mind won’t let me relax. I’m too wound up about tomorrow and all the things that could go wrong. Zolaya will be at my side, of course, but these are his people. This is his world and all he’s ever had. If I don’t fit in…I’m the problem.

And my anxiety isn’t going to let me forget that.

19

ZOLAYA

I t takes most of a day to travel what should have taken a leisurely afternoon. Some of the humans are wounded. Others are slow. And some, like my Air-ee, are quietly panicking. Some of the hunters get frustrated with our slow progress, and most of the females do not notice such a thing. My mate notices, though. She is finely attuned to the moods of others, and when Haeden makes an irritated grunt in his throat, she flinches. When Vektal encourages the others to pick up the pace, her sweaty hand seeks mine.

I want to reassure her that it will be all right, but I know words do not help. There is no time to sit and breathe together, as we have the last few nights. We must keep walking, but it frustrates me to see her sink deeper into her unhappy thoughts until I can tell she is on the verge of splintering. It is obvious in her eyes, in the sharp breaths she draws.

“Are you all right?” I ask. “Do you need to stop?”

“I’m fine.” Her gaze darts to the others and she flushes when one of the other females glances curiously in her direction. “I can keep going.”

I know she hates to be a bother, but this does not make me happy. She needs time to rest or her mind-avalanche will grow worse and worse. I grow more and more concerned, and when Vektal glances around at the trailing herd of new tribesmates, I signal him. “We wish to stop,” I call out. “Let us rest for a bit.”

Shorshie looks over and her gaze lands on my mate. Others stare, too.

Air-ee yanks her hand out of mine, horrified. “What? No! I’m fine. We’re fine!”

The chief pauses, watching me, and then indicates to the tribe that we should rest. “We will take one more break before we make it to the home cave.”

“A break? Now?” Haeden sounds irritated. “It is just over the next ridge.”

“The females are tired.” Vektal’s expression is unyielding as he slides his pack off his shoulder and offers a hand to his mate so she can sit down on it. “It is just over the next ridge, so a few more minutes do not matter.”

Haeden harrumphs and paces away, even as the other females set down their things and rest in the snow.

I turn to my mate, slinging my pack off my arm. Her hand is still in mine, but the look she gives me is tight and upset. Her gaze flicks from me to the others in the tribe. “I can’t believe you just did that,” she whispers to me.

“You need to rest.”

She jerks her hand out of my grip and crosses her arms over her chest. “I could have lasted a bit longer—”

“No.”

“Now everyone’s staring at me.” Her voice wobbles a little and her cheeks are red.

Is she embarrassed? I am surprised. I thought she would be glad. “Why would they stare?” I glance around and she is not wrong, the others are doing their best to look-but-not-look, averting their eyes when I gaze in their direction. It is clear that Air-ee is the object of much speculation though.

I begin to get uncomfortable. Perhaps I did do wrong. “I told them we both needed to rest,” I protest. “I did not say you.”

The look on her face is full of disbelief. “No one’s going to think you’re the reason we’re stopping, Zolaya. You just made me look weak in front of everyone.” Her face crumples and then she starts to weep. “Fuck, and now I’m weeping again. I’m not sad, I’m pissed and I can’t stop crying.” She swipes at her face, her movements quick with frustration.

I reach for her.

She snatches her hand away. “Just leave me alone, please. I need to compose myself.”

I bite back my own growl of frustration because this is ridiculous. “Air-ee, let me help you.”

“No,” she whispers, clenching her fists in front of her. “I told you I didn’t want to draw attention to us and what do you do? I can’t believe you did this to me.” She presses her fists to her forehead. “Just please…leave me alone for a few minutes, all right? I know I’m overreacting, but if you keep trying to talk to me, it’s just going to get worse.”

I frown, watching as she paces away a few steps from the group. Leave her alone? I cannot. I look at the other females, and sure enough, they are staring and whispering to one another. They have seen my mate cry and get upset, and now they will think badly of her. She is right in that I have made a mistake.

I do not know what to do to fix it.

She has told me repeatedly that she does not want the others to know of her problems. That she wants them to not think of her as odd or troubled. She does not like attention brought to her or her weeping. I grit my teeth in frustration, because I know I have caused a problem.

If only I could sweep her away into my arms once more and kiss her until she forgot about everything but me. Until the tears dried in her eyes and she smiled once more. I do not know how to be a mate to her. I am failing and her tears claw at my spirit, making me feel as if I have wounded her. It would be so much easier if I just took her into my arms like I did the other night and carried her off somewhere where we could have a few moments alone until she was ready to rejoin the others in the tribe.

I pause.

Why should I not do just that?

The others will laugh, of course. The females will titter that I have dragged my mate away to take her to my furs. The other hunters will smirk that I am not able to control myself. But the attention will be on me and not her, just as it was the other night.

I rub my chin, contemplating. This might embarrass her more. She might fight me and the others might step in, thinking I aim to upset her. My chief will think I’m a fool who cannot control his cock. I glance over at my mate, who faces away from the group, her back to me. Her shoulders are stiff and as I watch, she raises a hand to her cheeks, swiping away at more tears. No one comes to talk to her. No one knows how to comfort her.

But I do.

My course decided, I march across the snow to my chief’s side and clap his shoulder. “I can wait no longer,” I tell him. “I am taking my mate to our cave so we can have privacy.”

Vektal gives me a puzzled look. “You were the one that called for a rest.”

“I did. I changed my mind.” I move to my mate and grab her by the waist. Air-ee gives a startled, choked cry and her arms flail, smacking me across the face as I sling her over my shoulder. I give my chief one last grin and then jog away with my mate squirming over my arm.

Laughter fills the little encampment.

“Did he really just take her away—”

“I think so—”

“Someone can’t keep it in his pants—”

Good. Let them focus on me and my shortcomings. When Air-ee squawks like a wounded scythe-beak, I smack her bottom to quiet her. “I am taking you away to seduce you, my mate. Try to stay still.”

“Seduce me?” One small fist hammers against my back. “I swear, I am going to kick your butt when you set me down. Are you crazy?”

“No. I am getting you away from the others.” And I continue across the landscape. Haeden is not wrong; it is a short walk to the home cave. We will be there before the suns move a knuckle’s width in the sky. Once there, we can claim a cave as our own. A storage cave will be empty already, I think. One of those will suit me just fine, so long as we have privacy.

She sputters again. “They are going to think you are crazy!”

“You are not wrong,” I agree cheerfully. At least now they are thinking I am the problem and not Air-ee, though. I am quite happy with this. I caress her bottom, because it is delightfully close to my face with her over my shoulder like this. “Be still and practice your breathing. We will be home soon, and I will take you directly to a private cave.”

I can feel her stiffen. “What about meeting the others—”

“It can wait until you and I are good.” On this, I am firm. She is not being introduced to everyone else until she is calmer and less anxious. I want the avalanche in her head to go away first. And I know that when I lick her cunt until she comes, she becomes languid and happy. Content.

I will just have to lick her cunt until that happens, and then she can meet the others. I like this plan. It is a good one, and we will both be pleasantly happy with the outcome.

Proud of myself, I pick up the pace even as I head down the now-familiar trails toward the home cave. The snow is less deep here, the trails hard packed from many boots moving up and down them regularly. The scent of smoke is faint on the air, but it is there and it fills me with a sense of pleasure. Almost home. I cannot wait for my mate to come to enjoy the close-knit family that is our tribe. In time, I think, she will.

For now, I must focus myself on her and her needs.

The path slopes downward as I move toward the mouth of the cave, and little Farli bounds out to greet me, all long awkward legs and girlish enthusiasm. She pauses when she sees I have my mate thrown over my shoulder. “Zolaya, what are you doing?”

“Ho, Farli.” I gesture at my mate’s bottom but do not stop walking. “I am taking my female to our cave so we can mate. We resonated.”

Air-ee makes a strangled sound in her throat, and I can feel her body go stiff.

Farli moves to jog at my side, her expression curious. “You resonated?”

“I did.” I cannot keep the pride from my voice.

“How wonderful! Is that why you are back sooner than the others? Wait…did you say cave? But you sleep in the hunter’s cave with the others.”

“That will change now that I have a mate. We are taking the storage cave. I am sure it was cleaned out in anticipation of the group’s arrival.”

Farli makes a little exclamation in her throat as she jogs at my side. “Well, yes, but Vektal will decide—”

“He can decide, but know that it is mine, much like this is mine.” I pat my mate’s bottom again, delighted by Air-ee’s awkward squawk.

“Shall I tell the others you’re here? The elders are so excited!” She claps her hands and peers behind me, beaming at my mate. “I am Farli! I cannot wait to have more sisters. I—”

“Farli,” I tell her patiently as I head into the large entrance of the cave. “I brought my mate ahead of the others because I wished to have time alone with her. You can greet my Air-ee when we emerge from our cave. Later.”

“I’m right here,” Air-ee says, grabbing my swinging braid to let me know she is displeased with me. “You don’t have to talk around me.”

Farli just giggles and gives me a knowing look. “I will tell the others. Shall I bring you more blankets just in case?”

“I like that idea,” I tell her with a nod, and she races off. Anything to get Farli away. She is just now reaching the age where she is curious about mating, but I do not have time—or the desire—to teach her anything. My only focus is my mate, and so I continue into the cavern with a look of determination, daring anyone else to get in my way or try to stop me.

Farli races off into the cave ahead of us. “Zolaya’s here,” she calls out. “And he’s got a human female he’s taking to the storage cave to mate with!”

“Oh my god,” my Air-ee says quietly. “No she did not just do that.”

I pity the male that ends up with Farli as his mate. She will keep him running in circles, of that I have no doubt. I pat my mate’s leg. “It is all right. They will think I am wild with resonance and unable to control myself.” They are not entirely wrong. Even now, my khui is singing so loudly that I can feel it in my teeth, and my cock is responding to the realization that I am about to have my Air-ee alone.

Perhaps this was not such a terrible plan after all.

A few people emerge from their caves, and chuckle at the sight of me, swaggering in with a female tossed over my shoulder. Vaza looks fascinated and steps forward. “Show her to us, Zolaya—”

“Later. For now, she is mine.” I gesture back behind me. “The others will be here soon enough. Gawk at those females if you like. This one is Zolaya’s.”

Old Kemli just shakes her head, smiling. “I feel sorry for any female that has to put up with your antics, young hunter.”

I just grin at her and head straight to the storage cave. It is located off to the far side of the main cave, one of the last nooks along the enormous circle that makes up the cave itself. I duck my head to enter and then pull the privacy screen over the entrance behind me without pausing. Privacy is one thing my Air-ee needs right now and I do not want to chance nosy Vaza coming over to take a look at my human.

Once the screen is over the door, I gently set my mate down on her feet. I am sweaty from my jog here, but pleased with myself. I have solved the problem. No one will be looking at my Air-ee like she is too weepy. If anything, they will feel sorry for her for having to deal with my “antics” as Kemli says. I beam proudly to her.

She frowns at me and slaps my arm, hard.

“Ow! Why did you do that?” I rub it, surprised. It stung a little, but Air-ee is not strong enough to leave a mark.

“Because I can’t reach your face?” she snaps. “What the fuck was that all about?”

I lean in to whisper at her. “That was me getting you away from the others. Now they will not think about your crying.”

“No, now they just think we’re sex addicts!” She gives me an exasperated look and puts her hands on my hips. “Zo, they’re all going to think we came here specifically to fuck!”

I am pleased she is using my nickname. That means she is not as angry as she was earlier. It is a start. “Well, of course they do.”

“No, no ‘of course.’” She shakes her head at me, clearly shocked. “Haven’t you ever heard of privacy? My god!”

“My mate,” I tell her, clasping her arms so she cannot hit me again. “We resonate loud enough to shake the walls of this place. They know we are bound to fack.”

“Fuck. It’s fuck. And god, I think you’re right.” She whimpers. “This is like the walk of shame times a thousand.”

“What shame?” I am confused. “There is no shame in being with me. Resonance is a great gift.”

“It’s a human saying. Pay me no mind.” Air-ee hangs her head and she slumps. “I didn’t want to stand out when we got here, Zo.”

“And you do not,” I tell her easily. I release one arm with a squeeze and when she does not smack me again, I cup her cheek. “Look at how many pairs have resonated. Our chief brings home a new mate. The unattached hunters will be sniffing around the unmated females. You will be one of many, my lovely resonance mate. And they will think I am a besotted fool who could not wait a few more hours to get his cock inside his mate.” I lean in and give her my most playful smile. “And they will not be wrong.”

A tiny, watery little chuckle escapes her. “I don’t like that you’re sabotaging yourself to try to protect me, Zo. It’s sweet, but really—”

“I do nothing of the sort,” I tell her, and lean down so we are of an eye-level. “Do you think this is all for show? Do you think I do not want you? Do you think I am immune to your tears and your worry? I know you are stressed and unhappy. I know your mind-avalanche has been growing since last night. Let me look a little foolish if it eases your worries.”

She lets out a tremulous little sigh. I can feel her quivering, feel that she’s growing more brittle by the moment.

I sit down on the floor and invite her to sit with me, patting the hard, familiar stone. “Come. Sit.”

20

ZOLAYA

A fter a moment’s hesitation, she does. Air-ee folds her legs gracefully under her and then grimaces. “My boots are still wet.”

“Give me your foot,” I tell her, and when she offers it, I strip her boots off and then take mine off, too. “Are you cold?”

“Not right now. It’s strange. Your cave feels warmer than a cave should.”

I take her hands in mine and move forward until my knees brush against hers. Now we are sitting facing each other, legs crossed, and linked by joined hands. “It is a comfortable place to live,” I reassure her. “The caves are warm, and there is a heated pool to swim in. It is not so bad here.”

She nods quietly, her hands light in mine.

I give them a little jiggle. “Let us breathe together, yes? Once we have done that, you can tell me your fears and we will talk them out.” It is part of a routine we are establishing, her and me. It helps her to talk things through, to ease these thoughts out of the frantic whirl of her mind. When she nods again, I inhale deeply, and she begins to match her breath to mine. In and out, slowly and steadily, we breathe together. Our khuis hum a gentle song—well, not so gentle. Mine is growing more and more insistent with each day that passes. It wants me to claim her as my own, and the thought is constantly on my mind.

The moment must be right, though.

As we breathe, the world seems to slide away. There is something very soothing in sitting here in silence, holding my mate’s hands as we breathe in time with one another. I notice little things even with my eyes closed, like that the fingers that rest in my hands have bitten, jagged nails. That she has a light, sweaty scent after all of the travel and will probably want to bathe. That I still enjoy the scent of her despite the sweat. That her hands tickle against mine and make my cock hard, because now I am imagining them stroking my length—

A scratch at the privacy screen jars both of us out of our reverie. Air-ee gasps and her hands clench in mine, even as Farli’s giggle trails into the cave.

“I know you are not mating yet,” Farli calls out in a sing-song voice. “Because I do not hear anything but the song of your khuis. Open up! I brought you blankets.”

I give my Air-ee an apologetic grin and get to my feet. “I will be but a moment,” I murmur. When I get to the screen, I only open it a crack, because I do not want her to see how hard my cock is. Farli’s young face is grinning like the kit she swears she no longer is. “Farli,” I chide. “Do you not have an elder you can go harass?”

“I do.” She giggles again and holds out an armful of blankets. “But you are more fun.” I take them from her and she cranes her head, trying to see past me to look at Air-ee. “I want to see what another human looks like and I did not get a good look—”

“Later,” I tell her, closing the screen on her face. “Go and wait for Vektal. He should be coming soon.”

That sends her into more giggles, but Farli does not scratch at the leather screen again. I turn back to my mate, tossing the blankets down across from us, and notice that her cheeks are bright with color.

“I guess it’s a good thing we were just breathing,” Air-ee tells me in that tight little tone that speaks of her embarrassment.

“If I was deep inside your cunt, she would not have come to the entrance,” I reassure her. “We would have been making far too much noise.”

She shakes her head at me. “You’re terrible. Someday I’m going to stop being shocked by the things you say.”

“I will be sad when that day arrives,” I admit. “I like to see your face grow pink.” I sit down across from her once more and take her hands in mine. They no longer tremble, but I can feel her khui humming all through her. It is a different sort of vibration, I think, and a much more pleasant one. The cornered look is gone from her eyes, as well. “Do you need to keep breathing?”

Air-ee thinks for a moment, and then shakes her head. “I think I’m okay. Still a little on edge, but better.” She squeezes my hands. “What now? Do we keep hiding in here? Won’t someone come look for us?”

“We are not hiding, my mate,” I tell her. “We are claiming this cave as ours.”

“Are we?” She looks around as if seeing it for the first time. “It’s definitely cozy, but…whose stuff is this?” She tilts her head, indicating the woven baskets lined along the edge of the wall. “Is this yours?”

“No, I have had no cave of my own since I have no family. When I am here, I put my furs down in the hunters’ cave. It is expected that most of us spend our time on the trails hunting and gathering food for the long brutal season.”

Her grip tightens. “Oh.”

“But now that I am mated, I will leave the longest trips for those with no families of their own. I imagine I will still have to go out regularly, but not as often as before.” I nudge her knee. “And not until you are used to this place.”

“Okay.” She gazes at the cave walls, eyeing our new home. “So this is our place.”

“Are you disappointed?”

“No.” Air-ee looks thoughtful. “It’s better than what I thought it would be when someone mentioned ‘caves.’ This is pretty spacious, just a little smaller than my apartment back at home, and the ceiling is high enough. With a little decorating, this could be cute.”

“I will leave that to you. Make this as you want. I am happy just to be sharing furs with you.”

Her smile widens and she glances behind me. “So that’s what you guys use for doors? A skin stretched over a frame?”

“It is a privacy screen,” I explain. “When it is over a door, it is as if we are not here. No one will enter and disturb us.”

“Oh.” Her cheeks flush again. “So basically they are going to assume…”

“Yes. But the resonance would have made them think that anyhow.”

“This is rather public.”

“There is nothing to be ashamed of. Resonance is a gift. Those who did not resonate are jealous of our joy. Those who have resonated in the past will hold their mates closer and think fondly of the days when their khuis sang to each other.” I rub my thumb over her hand. “Resonance is always a good thing. New life is always welcome.”

“I guess it is, especially in a tribe like yours, when things were getting precarious. Is it true you guys only had four women before we got here?”

I nod. “Maylak, who is mated. Asha, who is mated. Kemli, who is the mother of many, and Sevvah, who has more gray in her mane than black, though she would growl at me to hear that said aloud. There was no one for me.”

“There’s the girl that came to the door,” Air-ee points out. “Though she’s a bit young for you.” At my look of disgust, she giggles. “Not your thing?”

“She is as a little sister to me and still very much a child. Perhaps it would be different when she is as old as I am, but perhaps not.” I shake my head. “I cannot even think of such a thing. To me there is my Air-ee-aw-nuh and no one else. I cannot imagine my khui resonating for another. You are the perfect mate for me.”

My words make her tentative smile falter. “I don’t know how perfect I am, sorry. Not with my issues.”

“You are the perfect mate for me,” I state again. “Do not let your mind-avalanche tell you otherwise.” When she shrugs, I decide that it is time enough for talking. If she is feeling better, I will begin my plan to relax her. I get to my feet. “Come and sit on the bed. It is warmer than the stone floor.”

Air-ee gets up and moves there, her body brushing against mine. “So what now? Do we just hide in here until we feel like we’re ready to go out and meet the others?”

“Mmm. I have a plan.”

“You do? What plan?” She sits down on the furs gracefully and tucks her legs under her, watching me with curious eyes.

I get down on my knees and prowl forward on the furs. “I am going to lick your cunt until you come at least twice. Then when you are all soft and relaxed, we can go out.”

Her breath catches in her throat. Her eyes go wide and she stares at me in surprise. “Zolaya,” she whispers, and I can hear her khui humming a loud song. “Are you trying to shock me again?”

“No, I am telling you what I am going to do.” I prowl toward her and she leans back, and when I press a hand gently to her shoulder, she goes back onto the furs, her breathing rapid, her gaze locked on me. “Unless you do not wish for me to touch you?”

Air-ee gives a little half-moan, the look on her face the same soft expression of desire after we have kissed for endless moments. “You know I like it when you touch me.”

“Good. Then I am going to lick your cunt.” I press a light kiss to her mouth and then put my hands on the waist of her leggings. “Relax and let me enjoy you.”

She squirms on the furs, as if just my words are making her wild with need. “Zo,” she breathes. “What about—”

“The others?” I growl low in my throat. “Let them think what they want. I do not care. Do they know I am besotted with resonance need? Of course I am. I have a lovely mate and her smell is intoxicating. Her taste is even better. No one will blame me.”

Air-ee chuckles. “I was going to say, what about you? Can I taste you afterward?”

I groan and close my eyes, remembering when she took me in her mouth. My cock aches so fiercely at the thought that I do not think I will last if she does so. “Not this day. My control is already strained.”

“When are we going to do it for real?” she asks, sliding a hand over my shoulder and rubbing at the line of a muscle. “Fulfill resonance all the way?”

“When you are ready,” I tell her, pulling apart the tie on her waistband. Air-ee is smaller than the last owner of these leggings and has to make many knots in them to keep them on her hips. I am tempted to rip the leather apart just to get to her, but she does not have much clothing, and I know she values every piece she has.

“What if I’m ready now?”

I look up at her, surprised. “You are?”

She licks her lips and moves her hand from my shoulder to my jaw, lightly caressing my cheek. “I don’t see what we’re waiting for, that’s all. I want you. You want me. We’ve already explored each other in a lot of ways…I’m not anxious about mating, if that’s what you’re wondering.” Her little smile is rueful. “You might be the only thing I’m not anxious about. It’s just easy to be with you. I feel safe, and I know you love me. I don’t see why we’re waiting, that’s all.”

“I…wanted you to be sure.”

“Has a cootie ever changed its mind?”

“No.”

“Then does it matter if I’m sure?”

“To me it does.”

Her expression goes soft and she gives me the loveliest smile. “And that’s why I adore you. You’re wonderful, Zolaya. I love touching with you and being with you. I love the way you think and how you’re always there for me. And you’re not too bad to look at, either.” Her voice takes on a note that is both shy and teasing at once and she shifts on the bed, reaching for me. “So yes, I am sure.”

I am stunned to hear such a thing. Did ever a male have a more perfect mate? I do not know how I got so lucky, but I feel more possessive and protective of my sweet Air-ee than ever before. It feels right that in our first night in the home cave together, in our new den together, we will fulfill resonance. It is perfect.

“You are wondrous, my mate,” I tell her, moving over her so I can kiss her soft, smiling mouth.

Her arms go around my neck and she kisses me timidly at first. My tongue strokes against hers until she is breathless, and then she pulls away from me, panting. “You’re sure we won’t get interrupted?” She glances past my shoulder to look at the entryway to the storage cave. “No one’s going to come in?”

“I promise.”

Air-ee’s eyes flare with mischief. “Then let’s get naked.”

Did I think I could not love her more than a moment ago? Clearly I was wrong. With a laugh, I undo the ties of my loincloth and toss it aside, then I help her undress. I understand the need for so many layers for my fragile human, but I snarl at how long it is taking for me to take them off of her. There are leggings. Warm casings for her feet that she calls “socks” and that go inside her boot. An over-tunic. A belt. An under-tunic made of lighter leather. Even underneath those, I see that she has on a band over her teats and a pair of short leather leggings that do not go past her hips. Humans really do like their layers.

But then she sits upright and pulls off the band over her teats. They bounce so enticingly that I am speechless. This is my first time to see such a thing and I am surprised at how rounded and full they are. Sa-khui women have much flatter chests, and they bulge only slightly when nursing. Hers seem to be swollen all the time, and it makes my cock ache to see her teats with such pert, pink little nipples.

“What’s wrong?” she asks as I stare at her.

“Humans are…” I clear my throat, trying to think of something to say that will not offend her. Then I give up. “You have big teats.”

She blinks, and then giggles. To my surprise, she gives her chest a little shake and her teats jiggle oh-so-enticingly. “If that’s bad, then why do you keep staring?”

“Because I think I like it too much,” I admit. I did not realize that I would find it arousing, but now I cannot stop staring at the wealth of them. All that pale, rounded flesh, tipped by a taut nipple.

She cups them with her hands and I look at her, shocked. There is a teasing expression on my Air-ee’s face as she bites her lip and then slides her fingers down her teats, teasing her own nipples.

My breath explodes from my lungs and I wrap my arms around her, burying my face against that enticing flesh. She gasps, and then her hands dig into my mane, holding me against her as I rub my jaw along the swells of her chest. Lovely. Perfect and lovely and all mine. I can hardly believe my luck. “Are they sensitive?” I murmur as I brush my lips over her skin, unable to pull away. There is…just so much. I am overwhelmed.

“Yes,” Air-ee says. “Especially the tips.”

“I am going to touch them,” I tell her. Because I do not think I will be able to stop myself.

“I wish you would.” There is such an ache in her voice, and she arches as she lies back on the furs, taunting me.

21

ZOLAYA

With a gentle touch, I explore the first mound. She is soft here, her flesh jiggling and bouncy as I touch it. Her nipples are taut, though, and puckered. When I brush against one with my fingers, she gasps and I can feel her body clench ever so slightly. Fascinated, I tease the peak with my fingertips and I love her response. Her nipple grows even tighter, the tip straining as if begging to be touched, and she makes little cries in her throat. All her teasing is gone—my Air-ee wants more touching.

I think of how creative humans are with their mouths, and I want to put mine on her. I lean down and give her pink nipple a lick, testing her reaction.

Air-ee moans, her head going back on the furs. Her hands clench tight, fisting handfuls of my mane and holding me against her teats.

“Does that feel good?” I murmur, and when my breath whispers over her skin, it prickles. Her whimper is the only response I get, but I will take it as encouragement. I drag my tongue over the tip again, and then tease it like I did the nipple between her thighs—with teasing circles and sucking. She stiffens under me, and when I try to lift my head, she pulls me back down, a silent plea for more. My mate is panting and gasping for breath as I move from one teat to the other and give it the same attention, her responses making my body hard with need. My cock is hard and ready, my khui singing loudly, but I want more of this. I live for every gasp I wring from her, every moan she lets break from her throat. Those are just as pleasurable as her touch, because I live to please her.

My lovely mate arches her back and presses her hips upward, silently rocking against me. Her skin is flushed with arousal and the scent of her perfumes the air. I grow greedy, and my hand slips between her thighs to cup the curls there…only to find her wet and slick with need.

She moans as my fingers skate over her cunt. “Yes, Zo, please. I want your hands there, too.”

I can refuse her nothing. I nip at one teat, eliciting a little gasp from her even as I slide a finger along the damp seam of her cunt. She is hot and wet here, and it makes my mouth water. “Just my hands? Or am I allowed to pleasure you with my lips and tongue, too?”

Air-ee moans. “God, yes, that’s allowed.”

I flick one nipple with my tongue a last time and then begin to kiss my way downward. The valley of her teats is too enticing to pass up, though, and I lick the skin there, feeling the heavy vibration of her khui as it sings to mine. I slide one finger along her damp folds and then push deep inside her, testing her readiness. Her cunt grips my finger tight, but her low cry of need is encouraging, as is the way she spreads her legs wider. She wants me there.

I can refuse my mate nothing, of course.

I kiss down her belly, moving lower even as I thrust a finger deep, pumping her with it like I plan to do with my cock. I love the wet clasp of her heat, the tight grip of her cunt on my finger, the little moans my mate makes with every touch I give her. I knew that mating would be good, that resonance would be even better. But this? This is almost too much. I push another finger inside her, and when she undulates and cries out my name, I have to pause. I press my forehead to her belly, trying to think of other things than the building force in my cock that wants so desperately to be spilled. One more twitch and I will lose control. I need to focus on other things, if only for a little while.

“Zo,” she pants, and her hands slide frantically to the sides of my face. “What—why are we stopping? Why—”

“Moment,” I tell her thickly, and rub my nose against the softness of her belly. “Need a moment.”

“Oh.” Her hands slide through my mane and she pets it instead of pulling on it. “Okay,” she tells me, her breathing slowing a bit. She smooths my hair back from my horns and I realize it has somehow come free of the braid she put it in for me. Air-ee must have pulled it loose. “Should we talk about…hunting?”

I lift my head, confused. “Hunting?”

“Or fishing. I’m trying to think of the least sexy things possible to help you out.”

My mouth twitches, and I try very hard not to laugh. “You did not enjoy hunting, I take it?”

Her nose wrinkles up, and even that is charming. “I’ll do it if I have to, but I don’t enjoy the death of innocent animals, especially if it happens at my hand. I think I’d cry every time.”

“Ah, but they are tasty animals.” Of course, tasty things makes me think of her, and I lean in and give her belly another kiss. “Not as tasty as my mate, but close.”

She shifts under me, and as I look up, she’s biting her lip. “Not as good on your…tongue?” Her voice is all innocence. “Not as…juicy?”

Oho, so she thinks to tease me? I slide my fingers deep into her cunt again, and she gasps. “Perhaps. Perhaps I should taste my mate again to see if she is as tasty as I remember. I could be wrong.”

“You could be,” Air-ee agrees, wriggling against my fingers. Her lips are parted and shiny, and I want nothing more than to kiss her again. She is so beautiful, my mate. So sensual.

I want to make her cry out, though. And I know that kissing will make her heavy-eyed and languid with desire, but she cries out and writhes on the furs when my mouth is on her cunt. I want that. I want her so wild with need that she tears at my hair and scratches my back until I push inside her and give her everything she wants—everything we both want.

I will not stop until I feel her cunt spasm on my tongue. Until she clamps her thighs around my horns and presses so hard I feel it in my skull. I want her breathless and crying out. I want her juices flooding my mouth.

Twice. I want that twice.

Maybe three times.

My khui hums pleasantly at the thought and I circle my fingers inside her, seeing if it is a motion that brings her pleasure. She shivers against me, but her attention is on my mouth, her eyes bright with longing. She wants me between her thighs, my lips on her cunt. It is a task I will happily perform, and I kiss her pale belly lower and lower until I am at the dark triangle between her thighs. “I like that you have a mane here.”

She giggles, shifting underneath me, her breath uneven. “A mane?”

“A cunt mane, yes. It is very unusual.”

This time, she snorts with laughter. I lift my head, curious. “What is so funny?”

“A…cunt…mane,” she giggles, pressing a hand to her mouth. “I’ve never heard it called that. Sorry. Not laughing at you.”

I cannot help but smile at her amusement. Does she think I would mind her delight? Humans are so odd sometimes. “What do your people call it, then, if not a mane?”

Her cheeks grow pink. “A bush, I guess.”

“A bush?” I frown, because the description is a terrible one. “Like the plants with leaves? Are you going to sprout, then?”

Her giggles grow louder, and she claps a hand over her mouth. “Stop, stop! I can’t…not with your fingers in me…”

Oh, is it tickling her then? I wiggle a finger deep inside her and her laughter changes to a gasp. Fascinating. I love her responses, but more than anything, I love her laughter. Her happiness. “I cannot call it a bush. It does not look like a plant to me.”

Her breathless chuckle pleases me. “You know, some human women get it removed. They don’t like it.”

“Truly?” I am surprised by this. “I like it, though. It is different, but that does not make it bad. It makes it mysterious.”

Air-ee giggles again. “My mysterious cunt mane. Lovely.”

“Yes,” I tell her, grinning. “It hides many glorious surprises under it, like your third nipple.” That sets her off into more giggles again. My strange female, I think with a shake of my head. She giggles a lot during mating. While I enjoy her laughter, I think she is getting distracted. It is time for me to remind her that I need to give her at least three climaxes before we are done. “Be quiet, Air-ee. I must concentrate.”

That only makes her laugh harder.

Still grinning, I lean down and put my mouth on her cunt. I keep my fingers seated deep inside her, because I love the clasp of her body around them, but it is time for me to taste her. I slide my tongue over the seam of her cunt and seek out her third nipple, because I know it is the most sensitive part.

Air-ee gasps and her laughter dies out. Her legs twitch and her hands go to my horns, fluttering up and down their length. “Oh…Zo.”

Ah, my nickname. I love it on her lips. Pleased, I rub my tongue against her nipple, teasing the bud of it. Her cunt is flooded with her sweetness, and I lap at her flesh, enjoying the delicate, musky taste of her arousal. Her khui sings so hard that I can feel it all the way down to here, and it adds a unique feeling to licking her.

Air-ee feels it, too, because she moans, undulating against my tongue. “Oh,” she breathes. “Oh, it feels so different with your fingers inside me.”

“It will be my cock soon,” I tell her between licks. “Once you are ready.”

“I’m ready now,” she tells me, all eagerness. She plucks at my horns and shifts her hips, trying to encourage me. “Please, Zo.”

“Not yet,” I tell her. “Not until I have made you come three times.”

“Three?” She sputters, and then it turns into another moan when I lick her third nipple again. “Oh god. Oh. Why three? Oh, your tongue. Oh Jesus.” Air-ee cannot stop wriggling underneath me. “Oh, Zo, stop, it’s too good.”

I ignore her words. As long as I hear “good,” I will not stop. If she pulls on my horns, I will, but her hands clutch at them as if she wishes to hold me there between her thighs, and her gasps grow louder and louder. I taste a burst of fresh wetness on my tongue and know she is close, so I redouble my efforts, sucking gently on the little nipple nestled between her folds, and thrust my fingers inside her again.

Her body clenches and she gives a little cry, arching up against my face as she comes. I can feel her tighten around my fingers, the delightful spasms that rock through her with her release. So lovely. I am a greedy male, though, and I want more. I keep licking and sucking at her third nipple, determined to wring another round from her.

My mate whimpers, writhing. “I can’t. I can’t. It’s too much—”

There is no such thing. I want everything she can give me. I keep going, teasing the little bud even as I pump into her with my fingers. I do not stop, because she is so close to coming again that I need to push her over once more. I think I need it more than I need my own release.

“I can’t,” she chants, even as she pushes her cunt up against my mouth, demanding more.

You can, I silently command her. Give it to me.

I thrust my fingers deep again, and Air-ee cries out, her body climaxing again. Her cunt grows wet under my tongue once more and I lap it up, eager for all that she can give me. My lovely mate. So responsive. So beautiful.

Her breath is a mere whimper as I lift my head and slide my fingers out of her cunt. She is fascinating to watch like this, all sweaty skin and breathless with her release. I lick my fingers clean of her taste, my cock growing harder by the moment. I want nothing more than to be inside her, to fulfill resonance as she has said. But I will wait for her lead.

“Oh,” she says with a little sigh. “That was…something else.”

I slide over her, resting my hips against hers, and lean in to kiss her. “Was it good?”

“You know it was.” Her cheeks are pink, and I am not entirely sure that all of it is from exertion. She reaches for me, pushing my mane back from my face. “God, I love you.”

“I, too, feel great joy.”

She just laughs and pushes at my shoulders. Curious, I let her lead and she insists on pushing me onto my back. I flick my tail out of the way and let her move me backward. I am surprised when she climbs atop my hips and straddles me, because should I not be the one mounting her? Air-ee pauses, a slight grin on her face. “You look confused.”

“Did you not wish to mate?”

“Oh, I do.” She rocks her hips again and this time, it drags her cunt against my cock as she rests atop it. I bite back a groan, because that felt far too good. “I think you should let me have a little fun for a bit, though.”

Fun? My mind threatens to splinter at the thought. “I can refuse my mate nothing,” I grit out as she rocks against me once more.

“You sound pained,” she murmurs, and leans over my chest. Her mane sweeps against my skin and then I feel her licking the plates over my heart. I groan again, because to have her turn into such a tease after I have pleasured her?

It is more than I ever dreamed.

“Oooh, what’s this rubbing up against me?” she murmurs, and grinds her hips down again. “Naughty thing. It’s distracting me.”

“Now I know you tease,” I tell her, fascinated by this erotic, playful side of her. “You know that is my spur.”

She only gives me a little smile and leans back. Air-ee rocks against it, her teats thrust out. It is the most incredible thing I have ever seen.

“My mate.” I put my hands on her hips and slide them up her body, caressing her teats. “Let me cover your body with mine so I can claim you. I promise I will make it good for both of us.”

Air-ee just gives me another sultry little smile. “Or I can stay up here and make it good for both of us.” She lifts her hips and then I feel her touch my cock, guiding it against her folds. The head slides along her slick cunt, and then she moves back and forth, rocking ever so slightly as she wets the head. “What do you say?”

I am so entranced by her movements that I cannot think of an answer. All I know is that I do not want her to stop.

She moves her body again, and then the head of my cock is sinking into her core. The clasp of her body around my shaft is tighter than I have ever imagined, and I nearly lose control. Air-ee gasps and presses her hands to my chest. “Oh. You’re so big. That’s such a cliché to say, but…god, Zo.”

“This is…bad?” It is hard to think with her on top of me like this.

“Oh, fuck no,” Air-ee breathes. “It’s amazing. Just…give me a moment.”

“You may have all of them.”

She giggles again, and then it turns into a gasp. “Oh god, don’t make me laugh. It feels—” She gasps again, breath catching as an expression of wonder makes her close her eyes. She moves her hips, ever so slightly, and I can feel her sink down further onto my shaft. The song of our khuis grows stronger with every passing moment, and I think I have never felt such utter joy in my life, such pleasure.

Air-ee’s gaze focuses on me and she rocks her hips again. Over and over, she makes small movements atop me, working my cock into her tight cunt. Then she pauses, and I realize she has slowly but surely moved all the way down on me. Her hands clench into fists and then she undulates, moaning. “Your spur…that’s so unfair.”

I look down and see that it rubs through her folds as she moves atop me, glistening with her arousal. “Does it feel good?”

“Far, far too good.” She closes her eyes again.

“Can I touch you?”

“Your hands are already on my hips.” There’s a tiny smile playing at the edges of her mouth, but she doesn’t open her eyes. Her head is tilted back, as if she is lost in the moment, in the sensations moving through her.

I can feel those sensations. Every clench of her body, every ripple of her cunt, I can feel it along my cock. I can feel the humming song of her khui as if it is mine. It feels…too intense for words. And I know my hands are on her hips, but I want more than lying passively beneath her. I want to do more. So I decide to show her instead.

I hold her hips tightly and when she starts to rock once more, I pull her up a little higher, until she is almost off of my cock, and when she slides back down again, I raise my hips to meet her. My thrust feels far more powerful that way, and Air-ee gasps in shock. Her cunt tightens around me. “Oh, yes,” she breathes. “More.”

With a low growl, I do as she wants. She is on top of me, but I am in control of every thrust. I pound into her, the friction between us the sweetest torture I have ever felt. I love her little whimpers that turn to grunts, I love the way her teats bounce wildly as she rides me, the abandon on her face. I love that she took over the moment and claimed me as hers just as surely as I have claimed her as mine.

And I want to come so, so badly. I want to spill my seed inside her and stay buried deep in her cunt until she has wrung every last drop of my essence from my body. I want to release and know what it is like to have her take all of me. But I want her to come one more time, because I swore it would be so. Even as I clasp my mate and drag my cock in and out of her, I focus on her pleasure and not mine. If I think about how good this feels, I will lose control. I think of her and the way her lovely mouth works in a silent cry as I slick deep into her. I think of how her nipples are taut with need even though I am no longer touching them. I think of my spur and how she rubs up against it every time she pushes down on me.

“Tell me what you need,” I demand even as I thrust into her once more. “I want you to come again.”

She moans and shakes her head, clearly unable to speak.

That means she is close. I am too close to pace myself, so I reach for one teat, teasing the nipple as she slides back down on me. Air-ee gives a little cry and her hips jerk, and then she is grinding down against me, gasping and wild. I can feel her cunt tighten like a fist around my cock, and I clench one hip even as I flick her nipple. “Come, my sweet mate. I need it.”

Air-ee gives a fierce little cry, her legs clenching tight against my hips, and then I can feel her release rippling through her like a wave. The breath hisses from my throat and I lock onto her waist, driving into her with my cock. One rough thrust, then two, and then I am coming as well, my release blasting through me like the deep, intense shudder of an earth-shake. I keep thrusting, my movements ragged, but all I know is that I cannot stop. Not until every last drop of my seed is deep inside her. At some point I grab her and we flip again and then she is under me as I pump into her.

Then all the breath is gone from my body and I collapse on top of her, sweaty and sated. She murmurs my name and smooths my mane back from my face, panting.

I hold her close, dazed. Being with her was the most intense experience of my life. Mating with Air-ee is better than even the finest hunt. It has ruined me for everything else.

Air-ee’s teats push up against my face as she sucks in a deep breath and then sighs. “Mmmm.”

Her contentment sends a pleased ripple through my body. I pull her closer, rolling our tangled limbs until I am beneath her once more and she is sprawled on top of me. “I can still feel your khui singing,” I murmur as I slide a hand up and down her side, fascinated at the softness of her skin, the warmth of her body, the way she feels against me. I am addicted to my mate.

“Mmm,” she says again, and rests her head on my chest. “Yours, too.” She sounds so content.

“That means we will need to mate again.”

“Mmmhmmm.” That time, she makes the sound decidedly pleased, and I grin.

“That means we probably will not leave this cave until the celebration is long over.” I had thoughts of taking her out and introducing her when she was pleasantly distracted from coming, but I find I do not have it in me to leave this cave. The tribe can wait until tomorrow.

Or the day after tomorrow. It makes no difference to me.

“I’m in no hurry,” she murmurs, and caresses my chest. “I like being here with you.”

I smile absently at that, because I feel the same. “I suppose it is good we are in the storage cave. We have enough supplies stored away that no one will need to come looking for us for at least a turn of the moon. We can leave that screen up until we’re ready to come out.”

Air-ee’s laughter fills me with joy. “That might be a while.”

“I am in no hurry,” I say, repeating her words. “No hurry at all.”

22

ZOLAYA

PRESENT DAY

I MISS MY MATE.

Every hunter misses his mate when he goes out on the trails, of course. Most of the females stay back at the safety of the village, raising the kits and tending to the fires. Some hunt with their males, but my Air-ee has never been a huntress. I do not mind that. She has other strengths, including her clever head and her gentle nature. But today, when Vuh-ron-ca and Ashtar have returned to the tribe with Shail and Vaza, and Leezh and Raahosh’s kits?

Today, I wish for a brief moment that my Air-ee was a huntress so she would be at my side.

It is only my longing for her that makes me think such things. I love who she is. I do not care that she is happier sewing and tending to our son. I just miss her so fiercely that my heart aches in my chest. I miss my cheerful, clever little Analay, too. I wonder about the kit in my Air-ee’s belly.

I should not be here, at this beach, helping this strange tribe. I do not say such things aloud, but I think them.

I think them a lot.

I think them every time I see a happy couple embrace. I think them every time Raahosh grabs one of his little daughters and pulls her into a fierce hug, clearly elated that they are by their side. And I think them every time I retire to my furs alone and my tangled mane gets caught under my shoulders.

My Air-ee would laugh at the state of my mane. She would make me sit down and rest my back against her legs while she put my hair in one of her fransh braids. Then she would fuss over my leathers—and me—before I left for a day’s hunt. When I returned home that evening, she would exclaim over me, greet me with happy smiles and kisses. Analay, Air-ee and I would spend time by the fire together, telling stories or going over Air-ee’s lessons for the kits. We would talk about my hunting and our plans for the newest kit. It is a simple life, but one of such joy that I did not realize how much I needed my mate until I was gone for so long.

Worse, I worry that she needs me.

I worry that her mind-avalanches, which have slowed with our resonance and her easing into the tribe, have returned. They still flare from time to time when she is stressed or anxious over something. Together we have worked out a system, and when she has times of struggle, we breathe together every morning, I keep my hunts short, and we spend time talking about her fears. She rarely has to resort to her tea or to using the healer.

But I have never been gone so long in the past, and I worry that without me there at her side, she will let the mind-avalanches take over. Analay knows sometimes his mama gets upset quicker than other mamas, but he will not know how to help her calm herself.

I think of my Air-ee, and I think of the kit in her belly. I think of my son.

I am tired of waiting to return.

The chief and three of the hunters—Rokan, Aehako, and Bek—returned with Vuh-ron-ca and the dragon-male a short time ago. They returned last night, tired but happy to be back, and brought new people with them. Some have left. Others have come. The tribe here is large enough. They do not need me.

Not like my Air-ee does.

I think on this and decide to speak to the newcomers. To Ashtar, who can change forms into a massive golden beast they call a “dragon” and to Vuh-ron-ca, his human mate. They sit by the fire on the shore, talking to Han-nah and a few of the other human females. I have waited for them to break away from the group so I might ask about my Air-ee privately, but it seems that Ashtar and Vuh-ron-ca have no desire to move anytime soon. Impatient, I head over to the fire anyhow.

I move to stand near the group. Nay-deen and Dev-ee pick at trail rations, while Ashtar stands behind his mate, his hands on her shoulders. He nods in greeting at me when I crouch near the fire and pretend to stoke it higher.

“Oh, Zolaya, Maylak wanted me to talk to you,” Vuh-ron-ca says, smiling at me. She pulls the blanket on her shoulders closer around her body and one corner ends up in the fire pit.

I carefully fish it out before it can catch on fire. I have never seen a female so clumsy and absent-minded, but it only endears her to me. My Air-ee is flawed, too, and I would change nothing about her. “What did the healer say?” I force myself to remain calm. I know that it is not bad news. If it was something terrible, they would have told me yesterday when they returned. If Air-ee was in danger, they would not sit here happily near the fire as if they have not a care in the world.

I tell myself this, but I still worry.

Vuh-ron-ca smiles at me. “Maylak said you should be part of the next group that comes back. I’m guessing because your baby is due soon. Your mate is so big!” She puts her hands out to mimic a rounded belly and her blanket goes into the fire once more.

This time, her mate calmly retrieves it and steps on the corner that has begun to burn.

“She is very big, yes. Our kit will be due in the next turn of the moon.” If this healer knows of my mate’s mind-avalanches, she is clever enough not to say in front of the others.

“It must be hard being away from her,” Vuh-ron-ca says sympathetically.

“It is,” I agree and get to my feet. If Maylak has said I should come home with the next group, that means my mate needs me. Air-ee must be struggling enough that she has gone to Maylak for help. She needs me. Only I can calm her down when her mind-avalanches begin. The healer helps, but she is not Air-ee’s mate. “When do we go? Tomorrow?” Somehow I will find a way to wait that long.

Ashtar frowns and folds his arms over his chest. “No. Not tomorrow. My mate needs time to rest. She is exhausted from the travel.”

“Then leave her here,” I say simply. “You and I can go. You can change into your drag form—”

The two other females, previously silent, burst into giggles.

“Dragon,” Vuh-ron-ca says, and she sounds a little choked. “Not drag.”

“Drakoni,” Ashtar corrects us all. “And I do not go without my mate. I do not go anywhere without her.” His tone is possessive and firm.

I cannot argue with him. I will not. If I were in his place, I would do the same. Air-ee would not leave my sight. And yet here I have gone off with the others and left my mate for over a turn of the moon. I am a fool. “Then when?”

“Maybe next week?” Vuh-ron-ca asks, glancing up at Ashtar.

“Maybe,” is all the golden male says.

A week is seven days. Far too long.

I will just have to leave on my own.

23

ZOLAYA

T  hat afternoon, I finish filling one of the caches we have set up near the Icehome encampment. I help Raahosh, M’tok and O’jek finish a stone wall for one of the island clan homes. There are not enough caves dotted along the shore for all the people here, so stone huts are being created along the sheltering walls of the cliffs. They have tops similar to the ones back in Croatoan, with a framework peak holding up a massive, stitched leather skin. Just the sight of the roof rising over the new hut fills me with a sense of yearning. I think of my Air-ee, her belly big with my kit, Analay cuddled in her arms as they sit near the fire and wait for my return.

Another week, Vuh-ron-ca says, if I do not go on my own. It will be dangerous to leave and cross the mountains on my own. The brutal season is beginning its slow descent, and that means that the valleys will be filling with deep snow and the suns will hide, making everything dark and cold. It is not so bad here along the great salt lake, where the worst storms happen on the other side of the mountains. But to get home on foot? It will not be easy.

Of course, the thought of waiting another week—or longer, if Vuh-ron-ca is too tired to travel—is torture. With three, maybe four hard days of travel, I could be in my mate’s arms once more.

That decides me.

I quietly pack my bag and pull one of my fresh kills from the cache. I can smoke the meat for traveling, and snow will provide any water that I might need. I stoke a fresh fire away from the others, cut my meat into strips, and then sit by it, sharpening my weapons while I wait for my food to be ready. It will be too dangerous to go out at night. Morning, then. First light. I am…excited. I think of my pretty mate and my small son and I cannot wait to hear their voices once more.

Lost in these happy thoughts, I do not notice Taushen until he sits down across from me at my fire. “What is this? Smoking meat?”

I wrap a bit of leather around a spearhead, anchoring it, and glance up at my fellow hunter. “I am leaving in the morning.”

“Hunting?”

“No.” I shake my head. “To Croatoan.”

His eyes go wide and he looks surprised. “Raahosh has consented for you to go?”

“I did not ask him,” I tell Taushen mildly. Raahosh is acting chief with Vektal’s return to the tribe, because a chief cannot be in two places at once. But I am not certain I would like Raahosh’s answer, so I will simply go and face the consequences if there are any. All I care is that my mate waits for me at home.

“Ah.” Taushen studies me, saying nothing more.

“What?” I look up and the lake winds rip my mane around my face, snarling it worse than it already is.

He gestures at my head. “Do you want my mate to fix that for you? She is quite good—”

“No,” I snarl at him, and again Taushen looks surprised at my response. How do I tell him that it is something Air-ee and I share? That I do not want anyone else touching my mane but my mate? I would rather be disheveled and look like a thicket of hraku than have someone other than Air-ee touch my mane. “No,” I say again.

“I see.” He gets to his feet and moves to my side, clapping a hand on my shoulder. “Good luck to you, then.”

“Do you leave to go tell Raahosh?” I ask, curious. It is not in Taushen to tattle like a child, but his leaving is rather abrupt.

“Of course not.” He sounds offended at my suggestion and stalks off.

I consider his back as he leaves, wondering if I should apologize. Perhaps when I am done with my preparations. I return to working on my weapons. If I will be alone, I will need twice as many good spears at hand in case there are problems, because I will be relying only on myself.

A short time later, Hassen arrives. He comes and sits next to me, watching me work my spearheads. I nod at him in greeting, and all is quiet for a long moment. Then he says, “I heard you are leaving in the morning.”

“Eh? Who told you that?” Surely word has not spread this fast.

“Taushen. He is also telling Ereven and Cashol.” Hassen grins. “Care for company on your trip? I miss my mate and do not mind a little walking if it means I return to her arms that much sooner.”

“Ho, Zolaya,” Cashol calls out from behind us.

“Wait,” Ereven yells after him. Then, suddenly, there are four hunters sitting at my fire. The other two have dropped to the sandy ground across from us and look at me with expectant eyes.

I decide I will not apologize to Taushen. I will choke him instead.

“You are leaving?” Cashol asks. “I can be ready to go in the morning as well. My Meh-gan needs me—”

Ereven gives him a friendly shove. “Not as much as my Claire needs me. And I have two kits to go home to. I should be the one going with Zolaya.”

I frown at them. “No one is going with me.”

“It will be an easier trip if you have a companion,” Hassen says reasonably. “Someone to watch your back.”

“We can all go,” Cashol adds. “We all have mates waiting for us.”

“We cannot all go,” I tell them. “Who will help the Icehome tribe to hunt and fill their caches for the brutal season?”

“Mardok?” Cashol suggests.

Ereven jabs him with his elbow again. “And who is going to teach Mardok, eh? You have seen the way he hunts.”

They all snicker. It is true that Mardok is a big, muscular male…but is terrible with a spear. His talents lie in other directions, like Har-loh with the ma-sheens.

I shake my head. “Taushen is here, and Mardok, and Raahosh. Rukh. But there are still many mouths to feed and those from the island are unused to the snows. It will take time for all of them. We should not all go now. Perhaps I should not even go now—”

“If you are not going, then we will,” Hassen says, gesturing at the others.

I growl at him and snap my teeth. “I am still going. It was my idea.”

“You are all fools.” Raahosh’s hard voice carries across my fire. I roll my eyes. Taushen. He has never known when to keep his mouth shut. Of course, he probably thinks I insulted his mate, so I should not be too upset. But still. “What is this about leaving early?”

I glance up at the tall, lean hunter with the gnarled horns. “I am leaving in the morning. My mate will be having our kit soon.”

“Not for at least another turn of the moon. Vuh-ron-ca and Ashtar will fly you sooner than that.” He crosses his arms over his chest and glares down at the lot of us.

“I am not waiting for them,” I say calmly. “I am leaving in the morning. If she has the kit early, I want to be at her side.”

“We all miss our mates,” Ereven says, his teasing manner gone sober. “We all want to go home.”

Raahosh is silent, the look on his face unyielding.

“What if only half of us go?” Hassen asks. “Surely with only two hunters gone, it will still be fine.”

There is a long pause. “Two hunters, then,” Raahosh concedes. “But I do not think we can spare more than that. I know I am being hard. I know what it is like to miss your family. I do. But these people need our help as well. It is important that all of us help them with their skills until they can flourish on their own.”

Hassen nods and looks to me, then puts a hand on my shoulder. “Then I will stay. I miss my Mah-dee and my kit, but I am needed here. Zolaya’s mate needs him. He should leave in the morning, no question.”

My throat grows tight with emotion. “Thank you, my friend.”

He gives me a smile that is faint with disappointment, and I make up my mind that I will sing his praises to Mah-dee of how generous her male is.

“I have two kits and my mate waiting for me,” Ereven says. “I must go. How do we decide?”

Raahosh shrugs. “The human game? Pap-ur, rocks and skeezor?”

“What is a skeezor?” Cashol asks.

Raahosh shrugs again. “A strange human thing. Does it matter?”

“I will play.” Ereven’s voice is quiet, serious, the look in his eyes intent.

“Then you play Cashol to see who will accompany Zolaya.” Raahosh nods at me. “Because he is right. His mate is heavy with child, so there is no reason for him to stay behind through the brutal season.”

Cashol sighs heavily and rubs his brow. He groans to himself and then shakes his head. “I cannot.” His face is full of disappointment as he claps a hand on Ereven’s shoulder. “My friend, you are the one that should return. Much as I miss my Meh-gan and my son, you have two kits waiting at home for you. I cannot insist that I leave and you stay when you are needed by more.”

Ereven clasps his hands. “Thank you, my kind friend.”

Cashol gives us a crooked grin. “Perhaps you can convince my mate that she should fly here with the drag and stay with me for the brutal season, eh?”

“Dragon,” Raahosh corrects.

Whatever. I nod at Ereven. All that matters is that we are going home in the morning.

WE LEAVE IN THE MORNING, laden with packs of supplies and gifts for Meh-gan and Mah-dee. Cashol and Hassen see Ereven and myself off at the dawn, and it is clear they are disappointed but full of hope that they will not be needed much longer.

I do not blame them for such hopes. It is beyond difficult to be away from family for so long. It is different from the time before, when I lost my parents to the khui sickness and found myself a young male with no ties to any cave but that of the hunters.

This time, I have my Air-ee. I have my Analay. And I have a kit on the way. There is much to miss. There is much to regret when I am away, and I cannot wait to return.

“Do you think this is wise?” Ereven asks as we set off into the snow.

“Wise?”

“Leaving before Vuh-ron-ca and that big drag can fly us to the village?”

I shrug. “We are hunters. We know these trails.”

“We also know how dangerous they can be in the deep snows. It is the beginning of the brutal season. You and I both know that our caches should be full and we should be snug by the fire with our mates and our stores full of food so we do not have to leave their sides when it is cold.” He holds a hand out and blows a long breath, and it turns to ice in front of him. “Even the air feels harder. It knows the brutal season is coming.”

“You sound as if you wish to wait.”

He laughs, grinning at me. “Not at all.”

“Me either. Let us go, then.”

Ereven nods and adjusts his pack. I think of Air-ee and Analay. No, I do not want to wait, either. I know the way home. I know what is waiting for me.

That is enough to make my feet move quickly.

THE FIRST DAY of travel is not so bad. It is colder than usual, but hiking keeps our bodies warm. We scale the icy peaks, moving along narrow paths as we head through the mountains. I do my best not to look down when the path goes higher. Heights do not matter if I have my mate. I repeat it to myself, over and over again. Air-ee is confronting her fears by not having me at her side for a long, long time. I can go through the mountains if it means I am that much closer to my mate. I can.

I am relieved when the jagged trail levels out and we enter the valleys, though. In my eyes, the worst is done.

The next morning, I twist my ankle on a loose rock. Ereven’s pack straps snap, and we are both forced to stop for a bit. I bind my ankle, he quickly knots his strap, and then we are back on our way. From that point forward, though, everything seems to be against us. A storm rolls in with dark clouds and snow pours from the skies. The wind whips at our skin, forcing us to stop once more and pull out the heaviest furs we own and strap them to our bodies. The day gets gray and dark long before it should, and I cannot see farther than my face. We are forced to find a hunter cave to bunk down in for the evening, and even the fire does not feel like it can warm us.

“An ice storm,” Ereven says with a shake of his head as he pokes at the fire. His boots and mine hang over the flame so they will dry. “Rokan would have been able to warn us.”

“Except that Rokan is back in the village, in the arms of his mate, which is where I wish to be.” I shrug and adjust the furs I have spread out on the floor to dry. When we got in the cave, they were completely crusted with ice. “We will just have to endure it. I do not like it, but I like the thought of being here in this small cave with you all of the brutal season even less.”

Ereven laughs. “I do not want to hug your bony bottom against mine for warmth, so we are of a similar mind, my friend.”

The evening is a quiet one. We are both tired and longing to see our families, and I suspect we are both quietly dreading the next day’s travel. We do not speak of our worries, but it seems as if the brutal season has begun early and we will be out in the thick of it.

Still, there is nothing to do but go onward. If we push hard, we can make it home late tomorrow.

I think of my Air-ee, warm by the fire, her skin golden in the light of it, her long mane spilling over her shoulder, her body plump with my kit.

It is worth everything to return to her side. I will let that vision of her give strength to my legs tomorrow.

24

ARIANA

A  storm blows in overnight, dusting our protected little gorge with a layer of thick snow and keeps falling. I get worried at the sight of it, because storms here on the ice planet don’t last for a day or two. They last for weeks or more. If it’s storming like that, Veronica and Ashtar aren’t going to want to fly anyone from the beach to here, no matter how badly someone’s wanting their mate to return.

It means we’ll just have to wait.

Full of disappointment, I brew up a batch of my calming tea. I’ve tweaked the recipe over the years with the help of Kemli and Sevvah, and now the tea doesn’t knock me out cold, but just makes me a little languid. It doesn’t help in the worst of times, but having a cup helps soothe my nerves anyhow.

“Mama, there is so much snow on the ground,” Analay exclaims happily. “Look at all of it! Even when I step outside it covers my boots! The copplestones are covered!”

“Cobblestones,” I correct absently. It’s awful cold and I absently reach for the heavier layers of his furs from their hook on the wall, then indicate he should come over and put them on. “If you’re going to play in the snow, you need to bundle up.”

His eyes brighten with excitement, and my heart squeezes a little at the sight of it. My sweet little son doesn’t realize that snow means his father is that many more days away from being home. All he knows is that snow is fun, and with the village protected between two overhanging cliffs, we don’t get much of it.

“Do I have time to play before school, Mama?” Analay asks as he shrugs on his furs. “I want to throw snowballs at Anna.”

That brings a smile to my face. So much for true love. Despite his odd comments the other night, he’s still my little boy. “Maybe we’ll skip school today,” I say thoughtfully. “Back on Earth we’d have snow days where school was out because of the weather. I don’t see why we can’t have that here, too.” It’ll allow me to think about my lessons for the next few weeks and how I’m going to manage without Gail helping me. The kits are all getting to an age where they’d rather pull each other’s hair and throw things than listen.

“I like that idea,” Analay tells me in a very adult voice that makes me bite back a giggle. “I can play with Anna and we can collect dirtbeak nests for you and Claire.”

“Me and Claire?” It seems an odd pairing. We’re friendly, but not as close as myself and Marlene. “Why me and Claire?”

“Because Papa’s going to come home with Ereven,” he tells me and wriggles out of my grasp. “I’m going to go see Anna now! Bye!”

Papa’s coming home with Ereven…? “Wait, Analay—” I begin, but my small son, so full of energy and excitement, is already out the door and in the snow. I move to the doorway of the hut and watch as he races out into the street, where the other kits are playing. There’s a long bank of snow right down the middle of the street, where the snowfall has settled from the cliffs above, and as I watch, Analay and Joden fling themselves into it, shrieking with glee. Nearby, Talie and Elsa fill little bowls with snow—probably to practice “cooking”—and off where the snow is piled highest, a group of kits are taking turns sledding down a small “hill” under the watchful eyes of Summer and Warrek.

I’m torn. I want to grab my son and shake more answers out of him, but…he needs to be a kit, too. If he really does have Rokan’s sense, I guess I’ll know it soon enough. My heart thuds with excitement at the thought, and the baby in my belly kicks as if in agreement. Of course, then she sits directly on my bladder and I have to run inside again. Pregnancy, so glamorous.

“THAT’S WHAT HE SAID, Marlene. He said, ‘Papa’s going to be home soon, with Ereven.’” I blow on my cup of tea and try to settle my knotting stomach. My anxiety’s been back and forth all day, and even tea and a nap earlier didn’t help. Since Analay’s still playing in the snow with the other children, I’ve headed over to Marlene’s hut just to try and get out of my own head. I know if I stay at my hut, I’ll just worry endlessly over Zolaya and the weather and Analay and anything else my anxious mind will toss in my direction. So I’m here, nervously spilling my guts to my friend and trying not to freak out.

Marlene tuts and bites at a bit of loose sinew on the tunic she’s sewing. I wish I had her skill with the needle, but mine is merely passable. Marlene is the true genius when it comes to clothing. “Ma petite chou, you stress too much. He knows how to survive in the snow. That is what he does.”

“I know, but—”

“But nothing. He has endured many brutal seasons before you, and he has endured many since you arrived. You simply worry over nothing, as you always do. Now, come, hand me that sleeve. Zalene’s little arms are as fat as lambchops and I need to make this tunic looser.” Her tone is full of affection. Zalene is an adorable butterball of a little girl compared to the skinny blonde twins, but she’s happy and healthy and that’s all that matters. Marlene finds her daughter perfect and adores her chubby cuteness.

I find the cut-out sleeve in the pile of leather pieces scattered over Marlene’s floor and hold it out to her. “Of course I’m worried. How can I not be? He’s been gone so long. What if Analay’s right and he’s trying to come home but the snow’s too bad? Have you seen what it’s like outside? Up above? The sky is practically dark and it’s early afternoon.”

“Ca c’est bon,” Marlene says. “The kits enjoy the snow. Look at how much they have played today. Let them enjoy it before it comes down every day and it is no longer fun.” She threads her bone needle while I toy with the sewing in my lap. It’s hard to concentrate when all I can think about is the nasty weather and what Analay said. What if Zolaya’s laid out in the snow, frozen? What if he fell off the back of the dragon? He hates heights.

Oh god. I picture him falling and the panic rolls over me like a slow wave, my skin prickling. I can’t breathe. I can’t—

A child screams outside, the sound one of pure delight. It pulls me out of my spiral and I raise a shaking hand to my head. “I just…worry,” I say again.

I’ve never said anything about my anxiety to Marlene, but I think she guessed a while back, because I can’t let certain things go. She just pushes her needle through the leather and studies me. “Shall we take a walk to settle you? Go see the grues désagréables?”

I fight the urge to roll my eyes. Ever since I told Marlene I wanted a little girl this time, she insists we take a walk to see the dirtbeak nests regularly. Marlene thinks they’re nasty, but she also said that her mother had a saying that if you saw an owl when you were pregnant, your baby would be a girl. She’s convinced dirtbeaks are almost the same thing. I’m not convinced myself, of course, but maybe a walk will do me good. Analay did say he wanted to go gather some fuel. Maybe I’ll round him up and he can walk with us. “We can do that.” I roll onto all fours and then do my best to get to my feet with Marlene’s help. I feel fatter every day, and more ungainly. This baby can’t come soon enough.

Then I think about how Zolaya’s not back yet and I decide I want her—my girl—to stay in place in my belly until her papa gets home.

Marlene and I bundle up and then head out of the hut. Away from the warm fire and insulating stone walls, the cold hits like a brick to the face. It’s positively frigid, and even the layers of fur I’m wearing don’t feel like they’re warm enough. “Brr! The brutal season’s definitely here.” I try to make it sound light and carefree, but I’m dying inside. “Gonna be a hard one this year.”

“It’s a hard one every year,” Marlene says, ever practical. She glances around and snaps her fingers. “Zalene! Coco! Come along, bebe. We are going to go see the birds.”

Zalene comes trotting up, covered in snow, her pale blue skin flushed. She has the cutest hat on that looks like a gigantic fur puff with cutouts for her horns, and she looks so adorable. I feel an excited little squeeze at the sight of her, because I’d love a little girl to dress up and make cute. Then again, I love my Analay and I’d be happy with another boy, too. I feel disloyal for wishing for a girl, like it somehow reflects on my son.

And then my son skids across the icy cobblestones on his boots, laughing like a loon. He’s covered in snow, his long waves of hair crusted with snow and ice, his nose almost purple with cold. I shake my head at him, grinning. “Who is this crazy snowbeast I see before me?”

“It’s me!” Analay says and laughs with the pure joy of a child. “Did I surprise you, Mama?”

“Oh yes. You look like a wild metlak.” I push his hair back from his face. “And where is your hood? You’re covered in snow.”

He looks around, then shrugs. “It’s somewhere.”

That would be the third hood he’s lost in the last few weeks. I sigh. “Boys. Oh well. Get your gathering basket, Ani. We’re going to go get dirtbeak nests.”

He skips off toward our hut and grabs his gathering basket, peeling it away from the side of the hut and then shaking the snow and ice off of it. Then he races back toward me, all boundless energy. I extend my hand to him and he grabs my fingers, beaming. His little hands are ice cold and the mother in me takes over. “Gloves, Analay! Your hands are freezing!”

Marlene, Zalene and myself wait while Analay finds gloves. And then a hood. And then his boot is untied. By the time he’s finally ready to go, Zalene’s practically dancing with impatience. I take my son’s hand again and the four of us head out of the village, toward the dirtbeak nests. The hidden canyon our village is in has high walls, and a few dead-end passages that snake along the main roadway, as I like to think of it. It’s safe from predators, which makes it the ideal place to raise children, really. The kits can run around as far as they want, as long as they don’t go up the pulley to the world above.

Which is why it’s surprising to see two bundled, snow-covered figures staggering down the path toward us.

They’re coming from the pulley, that much is obvious. They’re also coming from above, because they’re so crusted with snow and ice that they look like two walking snowmen. Their furs swaddle their bodies so completely that I can’t tell who they are, and one is limping. Actually, they’re both walking like it pains them, and I rack my brain, trying to think of who went out on the trails hunting today and got caught in the storm.

Analay skips forward, all excitement. “Papa!”

I can’t breathe.

I go utterly still, even as the baby in my stomach does somersaults. My khui begins a low hum, as it always does when Zolaya’s around. Not the insistent throbbing of unfulfilled resonance, but a sweet welcome to its mate. Oh.

Oh, it’s my Zolaya.

Oh my god, he looks like death.

“Zo!” I cry, and put a hand under my belly to support it as I try to race forward. I’m so heavy with kit that I can’t do more than waddle toward him even as Analay flings himself into one of the snowmen’s arms.

“Mon dieu, you two look like hell,” Marlene calls, shrugging off her wrap to pull around one of the men. “Zalene, coco, go and get your father. And the healer,” she adds after a moment’s thought. “Run fast.”

“Oui, Mama!” Zalene turns and races back toward the distant village.

I’m sobbing as Zolaya pushes back an ice-crusted hood and reveals his face, burnt dark with frost, his lips cracked. He’s smiling, though, and I reach up and caress his cheeks, unable to stop weeping even though ice is forming in my lashes. “Zolaya, what happened. Where’s the dragon?”

“Ereven and I…we decided to take the long way instead of waiting.” He looks exhausted, my mate, but still finds the energy to heft his son into his arms and pulls him in for a hug.

“The long way? What do you mean?”

“Walked,” he says, and he sounds like he’s panting even though he’s standing still. “Me and Ereven. Wanted to get here before the brutal season. Vuh-ron-ca and Ashtar were not ready. Left anyhow.” His weary gaze rests on me. “Tired.”

“You knew it was about to be the brutal season and you decided to cross the mountains anyhow?” I’m shocked and a little angry. It’s so dangerous. I’m so happy he’s here. There are a million things running through my mind.

So I burst into tears. Naturally.

“Do not cry, my mate,” my Zolaya says, putting an arm around my shoulders. He presses his mouth—chapped and raw and cold—against my brow and kisses me.

“I should kick your ass,” I tell him, sobbing. I’m so wound up—I don’t know if this is anxiety or relief. Possibly both. I want to simultaneously choke him for putting himself in danger and fling myself in his arms because I’m so glad he’s home.

“Once it is thawed, you may do whatever you wish to it,” he tells me. “Shall we go to our hut?”

“You need the healer.” I glance over at Marlene, but she’s helping Ereven out of his ice-caked overfurs and into her wrap. A moment later, Claire comes running, her voice little more than a high-pitched scream. In the distance, I can see Maylak being led forward by Zalene, and others are coming running, too.

Oh good, because I’m starting to feel faint. The world starts to go black at the edges even as the baby kicks and kicks in my belly. I gulp air, my panic rising.

Zolaya grabs my chin in cold fingers and tilts my head toward him. “Air-ee,” he murmurs, and I’m dimly aware of him setting down Analay. “Look at me. Breathe. In. Out.”

I cling to his furs, my gaze locked to his as we breathe together. I hate that I’m having a panic attack right now, when he needs the healer. I’m going to tell him that, just as soon as I’m no longer ready to pass out.

“Stay with me,” he says in a low voice. “I have waited endless days to see your face again, and I prefer it awake.”

I choke out a laugh, and then suck in a deep breath. I’m breathing. I am. I’ve got this. My mate’s home. I throw my trembling arms around his waist and hug him close.

25

ZOLAYA

Ereven and I are in rough shape. There is frostbite, windburn, and my ankle throbs and has swollen to twice its size. The healer fusses over us, chiding me in her calm, smooth voice, but I do not care. My Air-ee is at my side, her fingers laced in mine. Across from me, Ereven lies by the healer’s fire with his head in Claire’s lap. Mar-layn has taken the kits to her hut, even though my son did not wish to leave his papa’s side. I promised I would not be going anywhere anytime soon, and I mean that.

I am not leaving him nor Air-ee until our kit is born.

My mate looks strained. Her gaze that look that tells me she has been fighting many mind-avalanches, and there are shadows under her eyes that speak of sleepless nights. It takes time for the mind-avalanches to leave, but I will make time for her. I squeeze her hand tightly and her eyes threaten to flood with tears once more.

My sweet, gentle Air-ee.

Then there is no more to be done by the healer. “Come back in the morning if you are in pain,” Maylak tells us, her expression as fatigued as ours. “I can try to help more if you need it.”

I get to my feet and test my ankle. Already it is much better, and by tomorrow, it will not even hurt. My face no longer stings. I am fine. “You have my thanks, Maylak. I am as strong as a sa-kohtsk already.”

“Mmm,” is all the healer says, giving a little shake of her head in amusement.

“Now I wish to go home with my mate,” I tell her, and pull Air-ee to her feet. It seems that in the time I have been gone, her belly has grown even larger. It makes it difficult for her to move around, and at the sight of it, I am relieved that I chose to return home early. The kit is not due for another turn of the moon, but I suspect it will come early. Air-ee is just so large.

“I am sure the chief will be by early in the morning to scold you,” Maylak says in a mild voice as she turns back to Ereven and Claire. “Be ready for that.”

I just chuckle, because I have no doubt that she is correct. I do not care, though. I am home with my Air-ee and my son, and that is all that matters.

We bundle up in our furs, and then Air-ee holds on tightly to my arm as we head out into the stinging cold night. She shivers against me, but luckily it is not a long walk to our hut, and inside, the fire is still banked low, providing warmth. I help her take off the furs, hang them in their regular spot, and then stoke the fire. “Let us get you warm, and then we will retrieve Analay from Mar-layn’s home,” I tell my mate.

“She’s going to keep him tonight,” Air-ee says, easing down onto a hard leather stool I made for her. “Give us some time alone together.”

I grunt. Mar-layn is a good friend to our family. I will be sure to bring them a few tender hoppers the next time I go hunting. “That is kind of them.”

“It is, because I don’t want Analay to see Mommy have a nervous breakdown.”

I look over at her and she is shaking, her hands clenched over her belly, her entire body vibrating with tremors. “My mate,” I murmur, moving to her side and cupping her face. I know this trembling is not due to cold. “All is well, I promise you. Am I not home safe before the brutal season? Your kit is safely in your belly, I am whole, you are whole. All is well.”

“But why are you here?” she asks finally. Her fingers dance along my now-bared shoulders, and they feel cold against my skin. I welcome that, because it reminds me of long nights together in which she would press her cold fingers to my body and giggle under the covers. I love her small, cold hands. “They said Veronica and her dragon were going to bring you back—”

“I did not want to wait for them,” I tell her, pressing my warmer hands against her cold ones on my cheeks. I smile up at her lovely face. I have missed her so, so much. “Ereven and I thought that we could make the journey over the mountains on our own with no problems. Unfortunately, there was the problem of my ankle. And the storm. And the ravine I almost fell into.” I joke about the last one, but when she goes pale, I shake my head. “I only tease, Air-ee. You know I would not go anywhere near a ravine.”

“I’m going to kill you,” she says in that strangely calm way of hers. “Right after I stop kissing you for the next hundred years.”

This sounds pleasant to me. “I do not object.”

“Of course you don’t,” she snaps, and then bursts into tears again.

I just pull my mate into my arms. I know she is frustrated and full of emotion. Her mind-avalanches have probably been making her wild with worry, and she is doubly emotional with the kit in her belly. I settle her on my lap and let her cry on my shoulder, her tears soaking my tangled mane.

“D-do you know what you looked like when you got here?” she asks between hiccupping sobs. “You l-looked half d-dead. It scared me so much because I’ve been thinking the w-worst things in the last few weeks, and—”

“And that is your mind-avalanche,” I remind her gently. “You did not have me to talk things through with. Did you talk to anyone else?”

She burrows against my neck, pushing her face into my mane. “Your hair is one big snarl,” she tells me, sniffling. “And no. I talked to Marlene a little, and Maylak, but I didn’t want them to think I was whining when everyone’s mates were gone.”

“It is not whining to be lonely,” I tell her, stroking her back. “It was a mistake to go. I know that now, but—”

“But you couldn’t not go. You had to help those people,” she adds, wiping her cheeks. “I just wish I was strong enough to handle it.”

“You are,” I say with a squeeze of her body. I have spoken to the healer privately before. It is not something my mate can control, these mind-avalanches. Something in her mind turns on and will not shut off, and then the rest of her body reacts. It is not her being a worrier. It is that her mind is producing these things it should not. She cannot help it. She knows this, and yet she always blames herself. “All I did was travel with the other hunters to retrieve some more humans. You had to stay here and raise our son, teach the village’s kits, and grow our daughter in your belly.” I touch the rounded swell of it. “You had to do all this and fight off your mind-avalanches, so do not tell me that you are not strong. You are as strong as any other female in this camp. Never doubt that.”

“Yeah, but I cry a lot,” Air-ee admits, sniffling again.

“And Jo-see talks a lot when she is upset. Suh-mer, too. No one gets upset at that. Nor should you get upset about your tears.” I press my mouth to her smooth forehead, unable to stop touching her. “You should do as Jo-see does and corner someone to talk for an hour. Then you will see if they prefer quiet tears or endless yapping conversation.”

She chuckles, and the sound warms my heart. I have missed that soft, watery little laugh. “God, I love you,” she whispers. “I’m so glad you’re back.”

“I have wanted nothing more,” I tell her, sliding my hands up and down her back. “I dreamed of this moment over and over again.”

“Me too.” Her gaze focuses on my mouth, and then she kisses me with desperate, intense passion.

I groan at the taste of her and pull her against me even as my tongue slicks against hers, delving into her smooth mouth. I am suddenly very glad that Analay is spending the night over at Mar-layn’s hut. His mother and I need time to rejoice in being in each other’s arms once more. But even as I kiss my mate and run my frantic hands over her body, I cannot help but pay attention to the enormous bulge in her belly. I pull my mouth reluctantly from hers and nuzzle her nose. “I want you more than anything, my mate, but you are very, very heavy with child.”

“Like that’s going to stop me?” She nips at my lower lip. “Remember when I was carrying Analay? We could still have a lot of fun together, despite how big my belly was.”

I remember. My mate was…very creative with her mouth and her body. “Are you tired?”

“Never. Not when it comes to you.” She gets to her feet, the movement surprisingly fluid, and then takes my hand and pulls me toward our furs. “Come home,” she tells me.

I know what she means when she says that—home is in her arms. I belong nowhere else but there. I lie down in the furs with her and pull her into my arms, exploring her body. She wants to put her mouth on my cock and pleasure me, but I have been too long without my mate and I am the greedy one this time. I make her come first, by teasing her sensitive nipples and swollen teats, and then moving between her thighs and licking her soft cunt until she cries out with the fierce joy of it. When she has bathed my tongue in her release, I let her up, and she immediately slides down my belly to take my cock in hand. No amount of protesting can stop her from her task, and after a few licks from her sweet tongue, I no longer protest.

When we are both sated, she pulls her stool over to the side of the bed and gets out her comb, then begins to work on my hair while I lean against her knees. She tells me of Analay’s adventures, of his strange predictions, and of her school that she does to try and teach our kits some of the things human kits know. I close my eyes, content. I have missed her body, true, but the quiet moments together are what I have missed the most. Just being with my mate and hearing of her adventures while I was gone fills my heart with joy.

It is good to be home.

EPILOGUE

ARIANA

ONE WEEK LATER

“I KNEW she would not stay in there for another full turn of the moon,” my mate tells me smugly as he gazes down at our little daughter, swaddled in the softest leather blankets we have. He’s fascinated with the sight of her and can’t stop staring.

It’s so very cute.

I give him a tired smile as he strokes the downy hair on her tiny head. “I’m glad. I don’t think I could have gotten any bigger and functioned.” My belly had grown to what felt like massive proportions lately, and then dropped in the last few days, which I thought was a good sign, but I didn’t say anything. Just in case. Then last night, I woke up before dawn to the oh-so-pleasant realization that my water had broken, and contractions began. I decided to have some tea before I woke up the healer…and then my little girl slid out before dawn. It was the easiest birth ever, and I’m still impressed that it was so effortless.

I’m exhausted but happy as he hands her back to me. She’s perfect, of course, and I love that she looks just like her papa. Analay has my features except that he’s got his father’s bony brow and horns, but this little girl looks as if she came from two sa-khui parents. She’s got the ropy black hair, horn buds, a ridged brow, three fingers, and a little tail that thrashes back and forth angrily. Her skin’s just a shade lighter than Zolaya’s, but there’s no doubt she’s his child. “A perfect little girl,” I say, letting her grab onto my finger with her tiny ones. Her little face screws up and then she lets out an angry wail.

“She’s mad, Mama,” Analay says, watching from the foot of the bed. Zolaya took him to Marlene’s house to sleep the rest of the night when my contractions started, and he’s just now waking up to discover that he’s got a little sister. He’s fascinated by the sight of her, his own little tail twitching with interest.

“She’s hungry,” I tell him, and pull open my tunic, settling her at my breast. “You know, when you were a baby, you didn’t like to drink my milk.” I remember how awful it was to think that my baby couldn’t drink from me without the healer’s help, and how useless and like a failure I felt. Every time I held Analay, I swore I’d never have another baby. I loved him, but his distress upset me so much that it felt like a reflection on me as a mother.

Funny how perspective changes. I look down at the little girl at my breast, latching onto my nipple, and think that if she has the same problems, we’ll just work through it, like we did with Analay. And the same goes for any kits that might be in our future. Stuff happens. Life goes on.

Now if my brain could just remember that, that’d be great.

“Name?” Zolaya asks. “Did you decide which one?” He moves to the fire and puts on morning tea, since we’re probably about to be visited by every woman in the tribe who needs to come and ooh and aww over my beautiful little girl.

“I think Zoari.” I rub my finger against her cheek. It fits her best out of all the combinations we thought of, and different enough from her brother’s for her to be her own person.

“Zoari,” my mate repeats, nodding. “I like it. You are good at this, Air-ee.”

“What, naming?” I tease.

“Being a mother,” he tells me.

I bask in his praise. It does feel right to have a baby at my breast, my son looking on. Weirdly enough, I don’t feel anxious. Most of my panic attacks stem from feeling out of control of a situation, and this time, I feel like I’ve got this. I’m raising a wonderful little boy, I’ve got an amazing mate at my side, and a beautiful, plump baby to cuddle.

I’ve got this. With Zolaya’s support and love, I can do anything.

AUTHOR’S NOTE

This was a book that took forever to (mentally) bake!

Or more specifically, it was a book that I didn’t want to tackle for a long time. I’ve been asked over and over for Ariana’s book, because people wanted to know why she cried all the time. So a while back, I sat and thought it out. Why DID Ariana cry all the dang time?

The answer was simple: anxiety.

Now, anxiety is a different beast for everyone. Some people clean obsessively. Some bite their nails. I have lots of experience with the kind where you flip out and cry. Whee. Wheeeee. It’s really not fun, and so when I realized that was what was making Ariana cry, I didn’t want to write her book. It’s hard enough to be in your own head all the time, and then to spend the next month with a character who was constantly in one stage of a panic attack after another? That’s hard on the brain. So I didn’t want to tell it.

But after writing it…I kind of love it. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I know some people out there will hate Ariana. And that’s okay. Everyone copes with anxiety differently, and her method will probably drive some people crazy (like it does her tribesmates). But someone else out there is going to say OMG SO ME and that’s kind of who this book is for. Just because you have a shitty brain doesn’t mean you can’t be a romance heroine. Just because you have anxiety doesn’t mean you aren’t lovable or capable of being loved. It just means that you fight the good fight with your own head a little every day.

Medication helps. Therapy helps. Talking helps.

I also struggled with ending this on a positive note. Those of you that have anxiety (I’m pretty sure every writer out there just raised their hand in the air) know that you can’t ‘win’ or beat it. It’s an ongoing thing. Some days it’s great. Some days it’s exhausting. I didn’t want this book to be all GOOD DICK SAVED HER, GUYS and that she was magically cured with the power of Zolaya’s love and his blue dong. Having an understanding partner helps, but it’s also self-care and acknowledging that you need help (and okay, the magical cootie takes the edge off in my mind, too).

So there you have it! Wow, this got super deep. Obviously it hits close to home for me. I realize Ariana’s a bit of a different heroine, but in my eyes, she’s just as badass as someone like Liz. Hers is just a quiet internal fight. I personally imagine living on an ice planet without medication and cringe.

At any rate, I hope you enjoyed the story. Next up in this series (but not next on the schedule) will be Marlene! Everyone’s been asking about her and for the longest I didn’t have a good plot or concept for who she was. Then she kind of sassed her way onto the page and I fell in love. Of COURSE I’m going write her story and that of her blushing, adorable mate.

Thank you for reading and loving these books as much as I do at nearly twenty stories (!!!) in. My readers are the best and I’m so glad we can all nerd out over blue barbarians together.

Much love,

Ruby <3

RUBY DIXON READING LIST

FIREBLOOD DRAGONS

Fire in His Blood

Fire in His Kiss

Fire in His Embrace

Fire in His Fury

ICE PLANET BARBARIANS

Ice Planet Barbarians

Barbarian Alien

Barbarian Lover

Barbarian Mine

Ice Planet Holiday (novella)

Barbarian’s Prize

Barbarian’s Mate

Having the Barbarian’s Baby (short story)

Ice Ice Babies (short story)

Barbarian’s Touch

Calm(short story)

Barbarian’s Taming

Aftershocks (short story)

Barbarian’s Heart

Barbarian’s Hope

Barbarian’s Choice

Barbarian’s Redemption

Barbarian’s Lady

Barbarian’s Rescue

Barbarian’s Tease

The Barbarian Before Christmas (novella)

Barbarian’s Beloved

STAND ALONE

PRISON PLANET BARBARIAN

THE CORSAIR’S CAPTIVE

THE ALIEN’S MAIL-ORDER BRIDE

BEAUTY IN AUTUMN

BEDLAM BUTCHERS

Bedlam Butchers, Volumes 1-3: Off Limits, Packing Double, Double Trouble

Bedlam Butchers, Volumes 4-6: Double Down, Double or Nothing, Slow Ride

Double Dare You

BEAR BITES

Shift Out of Luck

Get Your Shift Together

Shift Just Got Real

Does A Bear Shift in the Woods

SHIFT: Five Complete Novellas

CAST OF CHARACTERS

At Croatoan

Mated Couples and their kits

________

Vektal (Vehk-tall) – The chief of the sa-khui. Mated to Georgie.

Georgie – Human woman (and unofficial leader of the human females). Has taken on a dual-leadership role with her mate. Currently pregnant with her third kit.

Talie (Tah-lee) – Their first daughter.

Vekka (Veh-kah) – Their second daughter.

_______

Maylak (May-lack) – Tribe healer. Mated to Kashrem.

Kashrem (Cash-rehm) - Her mate, also a leather-worker.

Esha (Esh-uh) – Their teenage daughter.

Makash (Muh-cash) — Their younger son.

_______

Sevvah (Sev-uh) – Tribe elder, mother to Aehako, Rokan, and Sessah

Oshen (Aw-shen) – Tribe elder, her mate

Sessah (Ses-uh) - Their youngest son

_______

Ereven (Air-uh-ven) Hunter, mated to Claire.

Claire – Mated to Ereven

Erevair (Air-uh-vair) - Their first child, a son

Relvi (Rell-vee) – Their second child, a daughter

_______

Liz – Raahosh’s mate and huntress. Currently at Icehome beach.

Raahosh (Rah-hosh) – Her mate. A hunter and brother to Rukh. Currently at Icehome beach.

Raashel (Rah-shel) – Their daughter.

Aayla (Ay-lah) – Their second daughter

_______

Stacy – Mated to Pashov. Unofficial tribe cook.

Pashov (Pah-showv) – son of Kemli and Borran, brother to Farli, Zennek, and Salukh. Mate of Stacy. Currently at Icehome beach.

Pacy (Pay-see) – Their first son.

Tash (Tash) – Their second son.

_______

Nora – Mate to Dagesh. Currently pregnant after a second resonance.

Dagesh (Dah-zhesh) (the g sound is swallowed) – Her mate. A hunter.

Anna & Elsa – Their twin daughters.

_______

Harlow – Mate to Rukh. Once ‘mechanic’ to the Elders’ Cave. Currently pregnant after a second resonance. Currently at Icehome beach.

Rukh (Rookh) – Former exile and loner. Original name Maarukh. (Mah-rookh). Brother to Raahosh. Mate to Harlow. Father to Rukhar. Currently at Icehome beach.

Rukhar (Roo-car) – Their son.

_______

Megan – Mate to Cashol. Mother to Holvek.

Cashol (Cash-awl) – Mate to Megan. Hunter. Father to Holvek. Currently at Icehome beach.

Holvek (Haul-vehk) – their son.

_______

Marlene (Mar-lenn) – Human mate to Zennek. French.

Zennek (Zehn-eck) – Mate to Marlene. Father to Zalene. Brother to Pashov, Salukh, and Farli. Currently at Icehome beach.

Zalene (Zah-lenn) – daughter to Marlene and Zennek.

_______

Ariana – Human female. Mate to Zolaya. Basic school ‘teacher’ to tribal kits.

Zolaya (Zoh-lay-uh) – Hunter and mate to Ariana. Father to Analay & Zoari.

Analay (Ah-nuh-lay) – Their son.

Zoari (Zoh-air-ee) - Their newborn daughter.

_______

Tiffany – Human female. Mated to Salukh. Tribal botanist.

Salukh (Sah-luke) – Hunter. Son of Kemli and Borran, brother to Farli, Zennek, and Pashov. Currently at Icehome beach.

Lukti (Lookh-tee) – Their son.

_______

Aehako (Eye-ha-koh) –Mate to Kira, father to Kae. Son of Sevvah and Oshen, brother to Rokan and Sessah.

Kira – Human woman, mate to Aehako, mother of Kae. Was the first to be abducted by aliens and wore an ear-translator for a long time. Recently re-resonated to her mate a 2nd time.

Kae (Ki –rhymes with ‘fly’) – Their daughter.

_______

Kemli (Kemm-lee) – Female elder, mother to Salukh, Pashov, Zennek, and Farli. Tribe herbalist.

Borran (Bore-awn) – Her mate, elder. Tribe brewer.

_______

Josie – Human woman. Mated to Haeden. Currently pregnant for a third time.

Haeden (Hi-den) – Hunter. Previously resonated to Zalah, but she died (along with his khui) in the khui-sickness before resonance could be completed. Now mated to Josie.

Joden (Joe-den) – Their first child, a son.

Joha (Joe-hah) – Their second child, a daughter.

_______

Rokan (Row-can) – Oldest son to Sevvah and Oshen. Brother to Aehako and Sessah. Adult male hunter. Now mated to Lila. Has ‘sixth’ sense.

Lila – Maddie’s sister. Once hearing impaired, recently reacquired on The Tranquil Lady via med bay. Resonated to Rokan.

Rollan (Row-lun) – Their first child, a son.

Unnamed baby girl - Their recently born daughter.

_______

Hassen (Hass-en) – Hunter. Previously exiled. Mated to Maddie. Currently at Icehome beach.

Maddie – Lila’s sister. Found in second crash. Mated to Hassen.

Masan (Mah-senn) – Their son.

_______

Asha (Ah-shuh) – Mate to Hemalo. Mother to Hashala (deceased) and Shema.

Hemalo (Hee-muh-low) – Mate to Asha. Father to Hashala (deceased) and Shema.

Shema (Shee-muh) – Their daughter.

_______

Farli – (Far-lee) Adult daughter to Kemli and Borran. Her brothers are Salukh, Zennek, and Pashov. She has a pet dvisti named Chompy (Chahm-pee). Mated to Mardok. Pregnant. Currently at Icehome beach.

Mardok (Marr-dock) – Bron Mardok Vendasi, from the planet Ubeduc VII. Arrived on The Tranquil Lady. Mechanic and ex-soldier. Resonated to Farli and elected to stay behind with the tribe. Currently at Icehome beach.

_______

Bek – (Behk) – Hunter. Brother to Maylak. Mated to Elly.

Elly – Former human slave. Kidnapped at a very young age and has spent much of life in a cage or enslaved. First to resonate amongst the former slaves brought to Not-Hoth. Mated to Bek. Pregnant.

_______

Harrec (Hair-ek) – Hunter. Squeamish. Also a tease. Recently resonated to Kate.

Kate – Human female. Extremely tall & strong, with white-blonde curly hair. Recently resonated to Harrec. Pregnant.

_______

Warrek (War-ehk) – Tribal hunter and teacher. Son to Eklan (now deceased). Resonated to Summer.

Summer – Human female. Tends to ramble in speech when nervous. Chess aficionado. Recently resonated to Warrek.

_______

Taushen (Tow – rhymes with cow – shen) – Hunter. Recently mated to Brooke. Experiencing a happiness renaissance. Currently at Icehome beach.

Brooke – Human female with fading pink hair. Former hairdresser, fond of braiding the hair of anyone that walks close enough. Mated to Taushen and recently pregnant. Currently at Icehome beach.

Unmated Elders

_______

Drayan (Dry-ann) – Elder.

Drenol (Dree-nowl) – Elder.

Vadren (Vaw-dren) – Elder.

Vaza (Vaw-zhuh) – Widower and elder. Loves to creep on the ladies. Currently flirting with Gail.

_______

Gail – Divorced older human woman. Had a son back on Earth (deceased). Approx fiftyish in age. Allows Vaza to creep on her (she likes the attention). From the batch of ‘Bek Rescues’.

WANT MORE?

For more information about upcoming books in the Ice Planet Barbarians, Fireblood Dragons, or any other books by Ruby Dixon, like me on Facebook or subscribe to my new release newsletter. I love sharing snippets of books in progress and fan art! Come join the fun.

As always - thanks for reading!

<3 Ruby

PS - Want to discuss my books without me staring over your shoulder? There’s a group for that, too! Ruby Dixon - Blue Barbarian Babes (over on Facebook) has all of your barbarian and dragon needs. :) Enjoy!

Table of Contents

Title Page

Copyright

Contents

BLURB

Foreword

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Chapter 23

Chapter 24

Chapter 25

Epilogue

AUTHOR’S NOTE

Ruby Dixon Reading List

Cast of Characters

WANT MORE?