CALICO DESCENDING

KERI LAKE

CALICO DESCENDING

Published by KERI LAKE

www.KeriLake.com

Copyright © 2019 Keri Lake

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and other non-commercial uses permitted by copyright law.

This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, events, locations, or any other element is entirely coincidental.

Cover art by Okay Creations

Editing: Julie Belfield

Warning: This book contains explicit sexual content, and violent scenes that some readers may find disturbing. Please be advised that this is a post-apocalyptic world where women are scarce due to gendercide, and as such, makes for an unconventional romance with situations that may be uncomfortable to read.

CONTENTS

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Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Chapter 23

Chapter 24

Chapter 25

Chapter 26

Chapter 27

Chapter 28

Chapter 29

Chapter 30

Chapter 31

Chapter 32

Chapter 33

Chapter 34

Chapter 35

Chapter 36

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VIGILANTES SERIES

RICOCHET

BACKFIRE

INTREPID

BALLISTIC

JUNIPER UNRAVELING SERIES

JUNIPER UNRAVELING

CALICO DESCENDING

KINGS OF CARRION

SONS OF WRATH SERIES

SOUL AVENGED

SOUL RESURRECTED

SOUL ENSLAVED

SOUL REDEEMED

THE FALLEN (A SONS OF WRATH SPINOFF)

THE SANDMAN DUET

NOCTURNES & NIGHTMARES

REQUIEM & REVERIE

STANDALONES

RIPPLE EFFECT

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PLAYLIST

This book would not have been possible without the talented musicians who provided inspiration along the way. Please check out the Spotify playlist to help set the tone and mood as you read.

“I Run To You” – MISSIO

“When the Night is Over” – Lord Huron

“Lover, Please Stay” – Nothing But Thieves

“Don’t Fear The Reaper” – Denmark + Winter

“Knocking on Heavens Door” – RAIGN

“Only Love (Acoustic)” – PVRIS

“When We Wake” – Blood Red Shoes

“Wait By The River” – Lord Huron

“Freak of Nature” – Broods, Tove Lo

“The Night We Met” – Lord Huron

“Survivalism” – Nine Inch Nails

“We Must Be Killers” – Mikky Ekko

“Moondust” – Jaymes Young

“Us vs. Them (The City Will End Tonight) – Denmark + Winter

“Silent Running – Epic Trailer Version” – Hidden Citizens

“Find You” – Ruelle

“Immortalized” – Hidden Citizens

“Viderunt omnes … (2 part organum) - Leonin, Tonus Peregrinus, Antony Pitts

“Animal” – Badflower

“Carry Me” – Eurielle

“Breathe” – Fleurie

“American Money” –BØRNS

CHAPTER 1

Four years ago

“Do you hear the monsters, Calithea?”

At my nod, my mother strokes her fingers down my temple, as I lie tucked against the wall beside my younger sister, desperate to keep quiet.

“I can save them,” she continues. “The Lord, Jesus, has given me protection against them. He has sent me to heal them.”

Zaps of terror shoot down my spine. The madness settling over her confirms my worst fear: the bite she sustained two days ago, one we thought to be nothing more than a scratch, not deep enough to infect, has begun to transform her.

Even at fourteen, I’ve learned to identify the early stages of the Dredge—the disease that ravaged the world before I was born, and turned it into an arena of survival against the violently infected.

“Momma, please be quiet,” I whisper, to keep from waking my sister.

We need this rest. For two days, we’ve walked in scorching desert heat, with little to no water, or food. Somehow, we managed to stay ahead of the horde that raided our hive, but they’ve caught up to us now, and none of us have the energy to run.

“I won’t perish. For Jesus does not will it so.” Momma raises her chin toward the window beside us, her content smile that glows in the flicker of flames unfitting for the sounds of destruction outside.

We set fire to the buildings across from where we’ve taken shelter, in hopes of distracting the infected, and so far, it’s worked. The steel door at the opposite side of what Momma said was once a restaurant is the only barrier against the mob outside. Fortunately for us, the door leads out to the side of the building, hidden away from the Ragers, or I suspect they’d have already found their way in.

I tug at her arm more forceful than I intend. “Stay here, Momma. Stay with us.”

Vacant eyes scan over me, to my sister, Bryani, who breathes hard and hoarse in her sleep. “Your sister will come with me. I will return. You’ll see.” Setting a hand to my cheek, she strokes her thumb over my skin, and the glimmer of false hope in her eyes brings me to tears. “And when I do, the rot of the earth will be cleansed, and all will be made new again.”

Second by second, the illness ravages the strong and clever mother I’ve known my whole life. One who defended us against the Ragers that infiltrated our hive like insects, killing off entire families within minutes. Soon, my mother will be one of them, but I’m not ready for that yet.

I set my hand against the back of her palm that still holds my face and blink away the tears. “Please stay with us, Momma. Please.”

“Shhhh. Quiet now.” She pushes up onto her knees and reaches across me for Bryani.

Plagued by exhaustion, Bryani doesn’t even wake, when my mother manages to lodge her arms beneath my sister, and drags her closer. If not for her coarse breaths, I’d think her dead.

At ten years old, Bryani is too big for my mother’s weakened state, but her determination to sacrifice my sister alongside her is enough to make me grip tight to my sister’s midsection and yank her back to me. I hold her against me, while my mother attempts to pry her from my arms, her lips pressed to a flat line.

The warmth of her eyes sharpens with sudden irritation. “She is a believer, and therefore, God will save her. He will protect her. You, Calithea, will perish with all the other nonbelievers. Your souls will be sent to the lake of fire to burn.”

A sob tugs at the back of my throat, as I try to ignore my mother’s words. My muscles are weak and fatigued, trembling, and, still, I refuse to let go of my sister. “I love you, Momma.” The words wobble in my throat, and the struggle eases, as she stares back at me in what I pray is a moment of clarity.

Her gaze dips to Bryani, who blinks her eyes open and squints.

“Momma?” My sister rubs at her eyes.

A trembling hand touches my sister’s cheek, then mine, and my mother’s eyes shine with tears. “Wait for me, my loves. Wait for me here. I will return. You’ll see.”

As she pushes to a stand, Bryani shoots out of my arms, sitting upright. “No, Momma!”

She shouts it too loud, and I slap a hand over her mouth, watching my mother pad slowly toward the door of the abandoned building. Light slices over the darkness of our makeshift bed we made of a few old blankets from our old hive. Just as quickly as it arrived, the light fades with her exit of the building, as the door recloses.

Behind my palm, Bryani screams, and I feel trickles of warm tears gather at my fingers. Against the tug in my chest, I try not to let my fear take over. I stay quiet and listen, but at the heightened growls from outside, a silent sob pulses against my ribs, and my mother’s first screams have me tucking my face into Bryani’s hair, eyes tightly closed.

The sound that rips from her lungs is one straight out of a nightmare. “Save me, Father!” she screams, as I imagine the Ragers tearing into her flesh, ripping her skin from the bone. “Oh, God!”

I want to slap my hands over my ears, like my sister, but as Bryani’s scream vibrates against my skin, I know I can’t. I have no choice but to listen to the sounds of cracking and shredding, while they mutilate my mother.

“Calithea! Calithea!” she screams, and with more tears, I shake my head, allowing the smallest wail to leak past my lips.

Minutes pass. My mother goes silent. The growls die down.

And I wait for the monsters to find us, too.

CHAPTER 2

Present Day

I’m eighteen years old today.

Up until this point, birthdays have been virtually meaningless, nothing more than another year in this place. Perhaps Hell, but one would have to believe in Heaven, and I stopped believing in God and the idea of paradise long ago.

This birthday is different, however. Today, I will meet my Champion.

Dishes rattle with the trembling of my arms, as I hold the tray of food--a gift for our first meeting. The savory scent of meat with a fig jam sauce would, under normal circumstances, have my mouth watering, but right now it’s bone dry, and I have to clamp my lips together to keep from vomiting all over the food I’ve been tasked to offer. Even my reflection, in the silvery shine of the elevator walls, looks pale and frightened.

As I should be.

Stories often trickle down through the pipes. Horrific stories of other female subjects who were assigned Champions.

Beatings. Rape. Torture.

Death.

For the last four years, I’ve been poked and prodded. Primed for this moment, when I’ll be fully equipped to perform my duties. For the greater good, as I’ve been told—so many times, I wish I could scrape the words right out of my head. And yet, I still don’t know my purpose in all of this.

The elevator opens onto a long dark corridor in the bottommost level of the research wing. In all the time I’ve been here, I’ve never seen, nor ventured, down here, since doing so would be automatic grounds for punishment, or death. This is the experimental floor of S-Block, and the only thing I know for certain about it is that the boys who are sent down here never come back to the main floors.

Sometimes, at night, screams echo through the ventilation shafts, which are rumored to be when most of the experiments are carried out by the doctors here. At the moment, the only sound I hear is the incessant pounding of blood in my ears and the dishes still rattling in my grasp.

Closing my eyes, I draw in a long, shaky breath, which is quickly expelled by a harsh shove from behind. I turn to see the female guard, a stocky, pestilent woman with the build of a man, who’s acted as the bane of my existence since the day I arrived.

With a cautious glare, I step out of the elevator onto cold concrete. It’s never warm in this place, but the frigid air on this floor is the kind that seeps beneath the skin and wraps itself around the bones.

This meeting is designed to determine whether, or not, we’re compatible, and Medusa, as I like to call her, is here to report back to the lead doctor and scientists. If it fails, I’m merely assigned to a new Champion. I know nothing of mine, other than he is one of three most feared Alphas in this facility, so reassignment wouldn’t exactly break my heart. Their lips are rumored to be sewn shut, though, so I’m not exactly sure how they determine compatibility, or how they expect him to eat this food, for that matter.

A hard thumping sound startles my muscles, and nearly dropping the tray, I snap my head to the right, to see dust falling from the ceiling in front of one of the many thick, iron doors that line each side of the corridor. A second thump from the left swings my attention to another door across from the first.

“W-What is that?” I ask, curling my fingers tight around the tray handles.

“Alphas.” Medusa’s flat and cold voice only adds to the fear snaking through my bones. “They smell you. Keep moving.”

Yet another shove from behind kicks me forward, and I swear, if I don’t drop these dishes before I get there, it’ll be the only miracle I’ve witnessed in this place.

Each door we pass thumps and rattles, as if whatever is on the other side might plow through it, all the way until we reach one of three doors on the end.

Medusa steps between me and a keypad on the wall, and above that, the outline of a hand. “Don’t make eye contact. Don’t talk too much. Don’t cry. Don’t laugh. Don’t make any loud noises. If he approaches you, don’t move. Attempt to fight, or engage him, and you’ll die. Down here, he’s known as Valdys, but don’t call him by name. Ever.” She draws a breath and exhales through her nose, her eyes more stern than ever. “And under no circumstances should you touch him.”

Mouth gaping, I stand dumbfounded by her instruction. How the hell do they determine compatibility?

She punches in a code and sets her hand against the outline above it. Not even two seconds later, a click echoes through the corridor, and the door slides to the left on a cold rush of air, opening on a shadowy cell inside.

From the doorway, all I can make out is a bed. My heart beats so wildly in my chest, I’m certain it’s about to slam through my ribcage to save itself.

A third shove sends me stumbling into the room, and I catch myself before every dish shatters to the floor. The thunk of the door has me spinning around to find Medusa has left me alone in the room.

“Hey!” I call out to her, stepping toward the door. A small patch of iron in the center of it slides to the side, and I’m greeted by the dark eyes of that wretched woman. “You’re leaving me in here with him?”

Her eyes squint, but I can’t see her lips when she says, “I’d keep my voice down, if I were you.”

Eyes wide, I turn toward the dark cell again, remembering that a killer, a beast designed by this place, lies waiting for me somewhere in the shadows.

Breath flutters in and out of my lungs, and I close my eyes, willing myself to calm down.

Swallowing past the lump in my throat, I reopen my eyes and find he still hasn’t emerged from his hiding. Not that he has to hide from me. The females in here are given slightly more than the males, but certainly not as much food as what makes up the weight of this tray.

I’m not exactly a threat, physically.

“Hello?” I cringe at the wobbly tone in my voice, which makes me sound like a scared little girl. I’m one of few females who’ve lasted four years here, one of only a handful who’ve survived their experiments, which is probably why I’ve been assigned to this one. In some ways, I’m the female version of him. “I’ve brought you some food. A gift.”

No movement. No sound.

Over my shoulder, I look back over to where Medusa continues to watch and shrug. “Are you sure he’s even in here?”

Something cold prickles the back of my neck, sending goosebumps across my flesh, and I slowly turn back around to find the shadows have moved. A monstrous figure stands before me, perhaps six and a half feet in height, with long cords of muscle and thick biceps that I imagine have crushed a number of skulls. His naked chest bears the markings of fights and poorly stitched wounds that stretch in disfigured ways. A fighter, to the death. And his build is unnatural for this place that starves its prisoners.

A helmet covers his head, reminding me of something out of the Greek warrior books my mother used to read to us as children. Cast in iron, it covers his face completely, offering nothing more than holes for his eyes, nose, and mouth.

He hardly looks human.

Recalling the order not to look him in the eye, I lower my gaze, momentarily distracted by his meaty thighs that taper down to muscular calves and long, but sturdy, feet. The boys here are thin and tenuous, and I’ve never seen one so brawny and robust.

Healthy.

Masculine scents linger on the air, sweaty and metallic—ones that hit the back of my throat and water my mouth on instinct. It’s a smell I’ve been conditioned to crave as much as food. One I smell on my uniforms and in my bedsheets, and the weight of it, bearing down on me, is more than I can stand right now. I swallow back the saliva and clear my throat. “Food. For you.”

He steps forward, and in spite of the instruction given to me by Medusa, I step back.

“Don’t move!” Medusa’s whispered voice is more of a raspy croak.

Halting, I keep my eyes glued to the floor, the dishes rattling so hard, the lid comes off the plate on the tray, crashing to the floor where it spins like a wobbly top. Clamping my eyes, I shudder at the clatter it makes.

The tray flies out of my hand, knocked away by a hard force, and my eyelids shoot open to find the manbeast looking right at me. Though I can’t see his expression through the mask, the tight clench of his fists tells me he’s pissed. At me?

Panic bubbles in my chest, and I wonder if he’ll slam that fist square in my face. If I’m lucky it’ll knock me to death before he decides to rape me.

Taking another step toward me, he seems to be approaching with caution, and when the cold metal of his helmet hits my throat, I can practically hear my pulse hammering through my veins. They smell fear. I know that. Some say it’s as much a part of their diet as the dead carcasses they feed on--another rumor. Of course, if their lips are sewn shut, that doesn’t make any sense, I suppose.

I can’t let him know he terrifies me, or it’ll incite him to provoke a steady stream of fear, like an addiction. Lifting my chin, I grind my jaw, waiting for him to finish smelling me. When he pulls away, I do exactly as I’m not supposed to, and look him square in the eyes.

“I’m not afraid of you,” I whisper, but the gulp I swallow back betrays those soft and shallow words.

Before I can so much as blink, a thick palm grips my throat, sending me flying backward, until the concrete wall slams against my spine, shooting lightning bolts behind my shuttered lids. While held just up off the floor, I scratch at his hand that crushes my neck, trying to release the oxygen that lies trapped beneath it. Stars float before my eyes, the urge to breathe tugging at my chest for one sip of air. His eyes don’t so much as blink behind that iron mask, as he watches me suffocate.

“Valdys …” I can hardly push the words past his throttling. “Please.”

He finally blinks and releases my throat.

The floor crashes against my knees when I crumple, coughing and wheezing to catch my breath. I suck the air into my lungs, desperate to replenish the lost oxygen, and cough again.

Valdys retreats back into the shadows of the room, and I steal the opportunity to crawl toward the door.

“Let me … out! Let me out!” I slow my hard panting breaths to keep from passing out and rub my neck where the phantom sensation of his grip still lingers.

The door clicks, and I push up from the floor, not bothering to look at Medusa for fear she might see the elation across my face of knowing I failed.

Once back inside the elevator, Medusa presses the button to the main floor, which is about six stories above where we are, and for the first time in the last three minutes, I can breathe normally again.

She crosses her arms, and in the reflection, I notice a smug sort of smile. “I’ll report back to the doctor with the results.” Perhaps she gets something out of failed interactions. A pat on the back. A turkey leg. Permission to turn something to stone. “He’ll be quite pleased.”

At that, I whip around to face her, all the confusion pouring out through my frown. “Pleased? I failed.”

“On the contrary. You passed with flying colors.”

“What? How the hell do you determine compatibility after what just happened?”

Her brows wing up with the slight cock of her head. “He didn’t kill you.”

CHAPTER 3

Four years ago

Intense heat warms my face, and the smoky scent of burnt wood fills my nose. I squint my eyes open against beams of sunlight pouring in from the window, and lift a hand to shield my face. Still heavy with sleep, I raise my head and find Bryani clutching me, while she sleeps beside me. As flashes of the night before filter into the dark haze, my heart pounds a heavy thud of anguish. Dread sinks to the pit of my stomach, and for one moment, I hear the sound of my mother’s scream reverberate through my skull.

My muscles tighten as I gasp. Momma.

I glance up toward the window above me and listen for the clicks and growls of the Ragers, but all I hear is the deceptive happy chirping of birds. There’s a need for me to stay right here with Bryani, but staying anywhere too long is dangerous. We also need food and water.

It’s better to travel at night, when it’s cooler, but that’s also when the Rager’s are most active. The day is when they seem to move slower, their bodies just as prone to the heat as ours.

With a light shake to her arm, I wake Bryani.

Her brows pinch to a frown, just before her eyes shoot open, and she jolts upright. “Momma!” As though momentarily disoriented, she looks around.

There’s an emptiness on the air, a thick, suffocating cloud of anguish and fear that we’re forced to breathe in this morning. My sister pushes to her feet, and stumbles through the building, calling out for our mother, like a lost little lamb. Denial, I’ll bet. If she really wants to know what happened, all she has to do is look out the window at whatever remains.

I gather up our packs, which hold minimal supplies--an empty canteen, four sticks of jerky that won’t last beyond tomorrow, and a knife. Ignoring my sister’s crying, I roll up the blankets and stuff them into the packs, before handing one off to Bryani.

“You don’t even care that she’s gone?”

“I do care. But we need food and water soon, or we’ll be dead, too.”

“I’d rather die a thousand times from dehydration than go out there again with the monsters!”

“They’re gone, Bryani. We can head west. Maybe we’ll hit another hive before nightfall.”

“You don’t care! If you did … you’d at least try to bury her!”

“Bury what!” My anger snaps before I can reel it in. I spent the entire night on a razor’s edge, waiting to crack and break down, and here it’s my sister who’s finally prodded my rage. “They probably took her bones!”

Tears stream down her cheeks, and she drops her gaze from mine, accepting her bag with the same apathy that she’s undoubtedly accepting her circumstances.

“Save your tears. You’ll need the fluids when the sun is at its hottest.” I don’t want to be cold to her, but my mother’s death made me the unfortunate shepherd of my sister, and I refuse to fail her. Pausing a moment, I do my best to remember life at ten years old, the innocence and naivete of such an age, but four hard years of surviving has turned my heart far too stony to empathize with her. Still, I will myself to be softer. We both lost a mother, after all. “We’ll see what’s left and bury her.”

Offering a tearful nod, she wipes her wet cheeks and slides her arms through the shoulder straps of her pack. Taking her hand, I lead her toward the door and set my palm on the knob, pausing to catch my breath. Whatever lies on the other side is what’s meant to be, and I can’t go back and change anything.

I couldn’t stop her.

The door is heavier than before, and my arm nearly buckles under the weight of it as I push it open onto dust carrying on the wind. One quick sweep shows no signs of Ragers, and I pad quietly along the side of the building, until I reach what was once the main road through Palm Springs.

About twenty yards away lies a carcass, ravaged to the point where I can only identify small patches of skin and flesh over the bones of it. Auburn waves of her hair, matted with dirt and blood, flutter with the breeze. Air hitches in my lungs, each breath sawing in and out of my dry throat, as the two of us approach it. Bryani whines behind me, tugging back on where I clutch her hand, like she can’t bring herself to get closer.

I don’t force her, and let her go, but I keep on. With a sob knocking at my chest, I allow my feet to carry me closer, until I’m standing over what’s left of my mother. Beside her mutilated arm lies a broken string of beads--the bracelet Bryani made her a year ago.

Before I can stop it, my knees hit the dirt, palms flat in front of me, while the acid burn of bile pours from my mouth and splashes onto the ground. My stomach pulses with the threat of more, in spite of my head telling me to stop. Another round shoots up into my sinuses, and I heave, as it exits my body. A cold and clammy sensation settles over me, and both my chest and stomach feel hollow. As empty as my heart.

Breathing hard through my nose, I push up and resign myself to the task of burying her.

Glancing around the rubble and ash of buildings that surround us, my sights land on the broken half of a fallen street sign. I hustle across the faded lines of what used to be a road to retrieve it, and tap it along the ground, searching for soft sand, until I find one in a small patch just outside of the halo of my mother’s blood.

The metal bites into my hands, while I dig away at the dirt, but an hour later, I’ve managed a mostly shallow grave. Blood coats my palms where cuts and blisters burn from the dusting of sand and grit there.

With her pants torn away, my mother’s leg is completely exposed and already crawling with small flies. Taking her flayed ankle in hand, I go to drag her toward the nearby grave, but pause at a tearing sound. Before I realize what it is, I’m holding my mother’s torn limb in hand. Stringing meat and bone dangle from my grasp, the sight of which makes me light headed.

Another round of bile fizzes in my throat, but I set the back of my hand to my mouth to cap it, swallowing past the lump, and toss her leg into the grave. Instead of dragging again, I fall to the ground beside her, setting my hands against the most flesh-covered parts of her body, and push her across the dirt. Most of her face is eaten away, and only one eyeball remains intact, a visual that’ll haunt me for the rest of my life.

Over the edge of the hole, her body crumples into the grave, and palms plastered to the ground, I clamp my eyes shut, not wanting to look at her disheveled body carelessly tossed away. Not my mother. The woman who held me all hours of the night, when I came down with a fever. Those same arms carried my sister and I across harsh desert terrain, with little food, or water, when we were young. The same woman who held off three Ragers with nothing more than a shovel, to ensure my sister and I could scale the fence as we fled our hive.

“I’m sorry, Momma,” I whisper, grabbing the street sign from beside the hole.

With weakened muscles, I push the dirt to cover her, feeling relieved when I can no longer see her body. This is when Bryani finally comes to stand beside me, and kneels down at her grave. She presses the beads of the bracelet into the soft dirt, in the shape of a cross, over her grave.

“Why did she do it?” she asks, her voice thick with tears. “Why did she think she would live?”

“She wasn’t right, Bree. They get loopy when they’re first bitten. Remember Sanchez?”

He was an old man who fixed things in our hive. He built traps around our camp to keep the Ragers out. One night, he stumbled through the camp, talking jibberish, and attacked a man from our hunting party. Members of the hive managed to subdue him, and that’s when they found two bite marks on his arm. They took him out past the hive, to the open desert, and returned without him. I’m pretty sure Sanchez is the reason our hive was raided, though. When he died, no one bothered to build new traps.

“Sanchez was crazy, anyway.”

“Maybe so, but he’d never have attacked anyone.” With a sigh, I stare down at my mother’s grave, still feeling lightheaded. It hasn’t yet fully hit me that she’s gone. It will, when the shock wears away, and the memories begin pouring in. For now, I need to put as many miles between me and this grave as I can, because when the pain finally catches up to me, I know it’ll crush the life right out of me. “Are you ready now?”

Wiping away the tears, she nods and places a hand on Momma’s grave. “Faith, hope and love.” My mother was always religious, but not overly so. She believed in God as much as she needed to, and taught us the Bible in a way that didn’t make us resentful.

As a nurse, before the Dredge hit, her beliefs had always been rooted in science, but she somehow made room for the idea of Creation. In her eyes, the Dredge was God’s punishment for all of us being so stupid. For letting politicians decide what mattered most in the world. For society losing sight of things that were right under their noses, while they were busy posting pictures of themselves. Selfies is the term my mother always used. Bryani and I used to laugh at the visuals she planted in our heads, of people stopping to take pictures of themselves besides various things. Dangerous things. Like a man who apparently took a picture beside a Rager early on in the outbreak, and had half his face bitten off. He didn’t bother to post the image, because he died immediately, but according to my mother, about ten versions of the tragedy, recorded by nearby witnesses, hit what she referred to as the Internet--another concept I can’t fully grasp.

Life before the Dredge is one I don’t know, so for me, this is merely evolution. Finally getting knocked off the top of the food chain by a bigger predator. In our world, it’s kill, or be killed. There’s no time to take pictures.

Swiping up my pack from the ground, I note the position of the sun in the sky. I grab a fallen tree branch, about three feet in length, and mark it’s shadow in the dirt, labeling each side west and east. “We keep the sun at our backs,” I tell Bryani.

“What if the other hives won’t take us?”

Her concern isn’t unfounded. It’s dangerous to approach another hive, as quite a few will kill on sight, especially those who’ve spent too much time out in the Deadlands. It’s not just the other hives, either. Marauders, too, comb the desert, for women, in particular, because women happen to be in short supply these days, thanks to Ragers, who capture, rape and ultimately kill them. It’s why the horde came after the three of us. Three women roaming the desert is about as dangerous as my mother throwing herself to the Ragers the night before.

“Then we keep going, until we find one that will.”

CHAPTER 4

Present day

Female subjects are assigned Champions with whom they are compatible. And compatible apparently means: the Champion didn’t strangle said female completely to her death.

Medusa leads me to one of the two chairs in front of Doctor Ericsson’s desk. He’s the Chief Medical Officer at Calico, the lead researcher in charge of this particular wing. The one man in this craphole who scares me more than anyone else. Alpha Project seems to be his baby, and the slimy, bright smile on his face tells me he’s elated by the news of my meeting with Valdys.

Hands rubbing together, he reminds me of a child asking his mother for a peek at the gifts she’s brought home for him. “Tell me. Tell me everything.”

On the screen behind him, an image of Valdys holding me by the throat has been paused, as if there was something notably thrilling about that part of our meeting. It’s striking how small I look beside the beast. How completely fragile and at his mercy.

“There’s nothing to say that you haven’t already seen.” A flare of pain hits the base of my throat where tender bruising marks the evidence of my encounter with him, and I flinch, running a finger over the red band left behind.

“You realize he could’ve snapped your head clean off. Like a dandelion!”

I suspect the only reason he didn’t had to do with the fact that I broke one of many rules, by using his name.

“He didn’t. Which is the first step in binding.”

I glance over to Medusa and back to the doctor. “Binding? What is that?”

“Every detail about your encounter with the Champion was a threat. The food you offered him. The way you smelled. The fact that you are female. He trusts no one but his handlers, and the research staff, of course. It’s how they remain obedient. Loyal.”

Bastards. They threw me into a lion’s cage expecting that I’d get eaten alive.

“He kills without conscience, or remorse, which is why we had to modify you a bit.”

“Modify me?” For four years in Calico, I’ve been used as a guinea pig. Poked with needles every day. Examined by doctors. Constantly watched. Constantly monitored. Fed certain foods, separate from the other subjects in this place. Separate from my sister, even, who works on the obstetrics wing of the hospital, helping to care for and deliver babies. Never once has anyone bothered to explain to me what these tests were for, and if I so much as asked, well, I only asked once. That night, I underwent electrotherapy that rendered me immobile for two days. There’s a slight bit of hesitation in asking now, but I almost get a sense the doctor is coaxing me into the question. “What did you do to me?”

“You recall, back in the room, when he sniffed you?”

I do, and I was fairly certain he was getting off on the terror pulsing through my veins in that moment. “Yeah.”

“It’s an olfactory binding. You carry some of his DNA inside of you, so what he smells is familiar. A match for him.” He threads his fingers together, holding them up in demonstration. “It’s like two puzzle pieces coming together perfectly. Very comforting to him.”

“He didn’t seem comforted.”

“Well, many of them reject the binding. They tend to be suspicious. Wary. It’s something of an animal instinct that keeps them alive.”

If this is true, there’s no reason I should be alive. As he said, everything about me was a threat.

“Why are we not permitted to use their names?” It’s undoubtedly not their real names, because no one in this place is called by their birth name. For most, they’re nothing but a number, including me.

His lips tighten to a flat line, and he rests his palms against the desk. “Allow me to show you.”

Spinning away from me, he tinkers with the screen behind him, turning it momentarily black, before a new image pops up. This one in motion.

“This was recorded just two weeks ago. Cadmus is one of the three Champions, like Valdys, who has never lost a fight.”

“Fight?”

“We condition them by pitting them against the mutations. The failed human trials who are … let’s just say, no longer human. They’re very hardy. Difficult to kill. So we keep them contained, which, in turn, makes them quite violent over time. Should we become compromised at some point, the Alphas are our only hope of survival against them.”

These men are trained to throw themselves into the path of a deadly predator? No wonder they’re pissed.

I lift my attention back to the screen, where a young woman enters a room, with a bit more grace than I did, carrying a tray full of food. She sets the tray onto the floor, and backs away, crossing her hands over the front of her. Something about her seems vaguely familiar to me.

Seconds later, the shadows come to life, as a large figure emerges and steps toward her. Deep inside my belly, a sickness churns, recalling why he chose to show me this video. To show me what happens when we speak their names. Moisture gathers on my palms as I rub my hands together in my lap, the fluttering in my chest making me all too aware that I’m nervous for what’s to come.

The male crouches down to the floor to sniff the food, then jumps to his feet, and accosts her. As she was no doubt instructed, she doesn’t move, hardly even flinches while he seems to smell her. At this point, her meeting is far more composed than mine. Once he seems satisfied, he backs away from her, into the shadows once more. I’d almost believe she was far less nervous, if not for the trembling of her hands and rapid rise and fall of her chest. She glances back toward the door.

“Go on,” Medusa says, prodding her along like a shepherd herding her toward a wolf.

“Hello?” Fingers fidgeting, she steps closer to the shadow. “I’m Neela.”

The name strikes a chord of familiarity, and a flash of memory zips through my brain. Bright lights. Sterile scents. The terrified expression on her face. Hands clasped together.

Except, this girl seems far more demure to the one inside my head.

“I … understand you’re my Champion.” The sound of her voice snaps me out of the memory. Another glance back at the door, and she’s scratching her arm, clearly growing more uncomfortable with this strange encounter. Her face scrunches, as she sets a hand to her stomach, drawing on my memories of feeling the need to puke during my first meeting. “Cadmus?”

Blackness slams into her, knocking her backward, and my heart catches in my throat. The beast pins her to the ground and tears away her clothes. In seconds, his wide, massive back is flexing and moving in the indisputable motions of sex. The girl screams, and her hands flex and ball at her sides, as if it’s the most excruciating pain she’s ever felt.

The phantom sounds of her screams echo inside my head. Images zip through my mind in rapid succession. Memories of those screams blaring through my head.

Doctor Ericsson pauses it, just as armed Legion soldiers enter the onscreen room. When he turns around, brows winged up, he doesn’t seem particularly disturbed. Not nearly as disgusted as I am, when I think how stupid it was for me to make the same mistake.

“She’s the first and only subject to use their name … aside from you.”

Shock squeezes my throat, strangling the question slamming against my brain. What happened to her?

“It seems to affect them differently, and we’ve not had the luxury of wasting subjects to test each Alpha’s specific trigger.”

“Is she dead?”

“No. She’s alive. When she’s fully recovered, we intend to try again.”

“You plan to put that poor girl through that again?”

His eyes narrow on me, and it’s then I remember that this is a man who can easily decide my fate with the snap of his fingers. If he’s so inclined, he could make me the experimental subject. “That poor girl has been given as many special treatments here as you, and I’m certain you’ve been here long enough to understand what a blessing that is.”

I do. I’ve seen plenty of girls in the recovery room, who were wheeled off after testing and never seen again. Others end up in yet another experimental wing, where they’re impregnated and forced to birth third-generation babies. Those are the ones my sister cares for, and from what I understand, many don’t make it past the second trimester. The ones who do might as well be dead, too.

“Once binding happens, what then?” This place doesn’t seem to be in the market for happily ever afters, and if it’s pregnancy they’re interested in, they’d have wheeled me to obstetrics with the others by now.

His lips stretch into a grin that leaves a sinking feeling in the pit of my gut. “That’s the most interesting part of all of this. Through happenstance, we found that Alphas can become very attached to a particular female. To the extent that they become far more agreeable.”

“How so?”

“History books are probably of no use to you, being illiterate, but well before your time, centuries ago, there were what were known as whipping boys. Are you familiar with that term?”

“It’s fairly obvious that they’re boys who were whipped, I think.”

“Yes, well, they were boys who were whipped for the transgressions of their prince. See, back in the times of royalty, no one wanted to punish the prince when he stepped out of line. So, a whipping boy was assigned. And this child grew up with the prince. They became quite close. Like brothers. But when the prince behaved poorly, it was his dear friend who suffered the consequences, which, in turn, helped keep him in line.”

“So, these Alphas … you’re using them to keep females in line?”

He tips his head, that mirthless smile wider than before. “No, my sweet girl. You will be used to keep him in line. To help train him. You see, Valdys, Cadmus, and Titus have all proven to be very efficient against the mutations. But when it comes to raiding hives, they’re less agreeable.” He shrugs his shoulders. “That’s the consequence of using men who were never trained nor born to be soldiers. We’ve had a number of them escape during raids. Some we’ve had to destroy on the spot. It becomes very costly. An inefficient use of resources.”

“Then, why use them to raid hives, if they’re so valuable?”

His eyes narrow, as if I’ve reached my question limit for the day, and he clears his throat. “Because the rebels have banded with a number of hives. Led by one of our stray Alphas. Legion officers are being picked off like ticks on a savage. We lose more with every raid.”

“So, you’re going to use me to keep him in line.” It’s not a question. It’s a ridiculous statement looping inside my head.

“Yes. Just doesn’t appear to be effective using them against each other. Seems it requires a new variable.”

A laugh bursts from my chest, and I glance over at Medusa. She doesn’t so much as smile, which makes me laugh harder. “I don’t know if you missed something in the video, but he wanted nothing to do with me. He tried to kill me.”

“And he could have. In fact, by all accounts, he probably should have. You broke nearly every rule. It was disastrous.” He leans forward, entwining his fingers again. “But he didn’t. He let you go.”

“Which I’m guessing was code for I hope to never see you again.”

“He doesn’t have a choice, I’m afraid. And neither do you. For the next few weeks, you will spend hours alone with him in his cell. You will talk to him. Provide companionship to him. You will make him look at you as something more valuable to him than his freedom.”

“And if he doesn’t?”

Gaze sliding toward Medusa and back to me, he reclines back in his chair and kicks his feet up on his desk. “The chances of an Alpha mutating during transformation is about fifty percent, and of those, only half make it through training. Let me just impart that the Alpha is far more valuable than our female subjects. Why else would we have chosen you to keep him in line?”

CHAPTER 5

Four years ago

The muscles in my legs burn, my exposed skin red and swollen from the unforgiving sun. The throbbing inside my skull shoots through my eyeballs, and I have to squint so hard to block the blinding sunlight that my eyelashes flutter from the effort.

“Cali … I can’t.” Bryani stumbles behind me and falls to the dirt. She clambers back to her feet and stumbles after me again. “I’m so … tired. And thirsty.” Her voice has gone hoarse, proving the point.

Three hours of walking, and we’ve not come upon a single hive.

The heat stirs my irritation, while my head tells me I’ve failed my sister. Perhaps she was right to want to stay back in the abandonment, where we took shelter yesterday. At least we’d have shade there, and we could’ve searched for a source of water.

The Ragers would’ve eventually come back, though. They’re like dogs when it comes to sniffing out prey, and, I suspect, they’ll track us down eventually. Some have such keen senses, they can pick up scent, just like a bloodhound.

“Please. Just … let me rest. A couple seconds.”

Halting, I turn around and find her clutching her stomach. “If you rest, you’ll never get up again.” I double back, until standing alongside her bent form, and slide her arm behind my neck, helping her straighten. The added weight will not only slow me down, but will burn through whatever energy is left in me. The alternative is waiting to pass out here and waking to Ragers feasting on the two of us.

We have to keep moving.

“Do you see the mountains up ahead, Bryani?”

“Yes.”

“We only need to make it there. We’ll take shelter in the rocks.”

“I feel so dizzy … and my stomach is … sick.”

“You’re dehydrated and exhausted. I promise, I’ll look for water. Just a bit more walking.”

A lazy nod, and she pushes forward, taking me along with her. “Just a bit more.”

By the time we reach the mountains, the sun is hidden on the other side of it, offering some relief. The cool shade is a balm to my burned skin as I pull Bryani up onto the jagged rocks. One by one, we climb higher, until we’re maybe twenty feet off the ground. It’s at this height, I find a crook in the rock, where I set her down to rest. She needs water. We both need water soon.

“I’ll be back. Stay hidden here.”

She nods and rests her head against the wall of stone beside her, drawing in long, labored breaths. Sometimes, dew or rain collects in small pools on these mountains, especially in the shade. It’s not typically enough to sate our thirst, but will certainly give some measure of relief. Climbing higher will give me a better lay of the land, and perhaps I can scope out a nearby hive.

The mountains give way to a flat clearing of a small canyon within, and my eyes zero in on a plant. Where there’s vegetation, there’s water. I rush toward the small patch of prickly pears, my heart soaring inside my chest. I did it. I found food. If my mother were here, she’d give me a prideful smile and tell me I possessed the instincts of my father, who always managed to forage food for us.

Inside the satchel is a pack of matches. The same matches we used to set fire to the building across from us, in order to distract the Ragers the night before. Careful to avoid the needles on the pad of the cactus, I strike the match and hold it to the fruit, singeing away the glochids. Back at our hive, we carried special gloves, made of animal hide, to rub away thorns, but in our panic to get ahead of the horde, we didn’t think to grab a pair.

More vegetation catches my eye, and about ten yards away is a bigger patch of the cactus fruit. I scramble toward it, singeing away the needles, and pull my knife to cut them off, stuffing the fruit inside my sack.

Another object floats in my periphery, and turning my head brings me staring back at what must surely be a mirage. Beneath a low hanging rock, shrouded in shade, stands a small tinaja filled with water. My hands tremble as I tug my canteen from my satchel and scamper across the rock to the edge of the pool. Water bubbles around the canteen as I fill it, and when I sip the cool fluids, they practically sizzle on hitting the dryness in my throat. I choke and spit water from drinking it too fast, but I fill it again and guzzle the fluids once more.

A crackling sound stiffens my muscles. I look past the pool toward the walls of the mountain. Could be a critter.

Or a wildcat.

Not likely a Rager this high up.

With urgency, I fill the canteen a third time, eyes scanning my surroundings, and hustle back down the rock to where Bryani still lies propped. Passed out, I guess, since she doesn’t move or wake at my approach. Trickling water over her dry, cracked lips, I rouse her awake, and her eyes nearly popping out of her head, she reaches for the canteen, greedily sucking the fluids down. She pauses to take a breath, and drinks more.

From my satchel, I grab the fruit and slice it in half, offering a piece to Bryani. We pop the fruit from it’s thick peel and shove it into our mouths. The sweet taste explodes against my tongue, and I tip my head back, closing my eyes while I savor it, then spit out the seeds. Nabbing a second fruit, I split it open, sharing it with Bryani again, who giggles at what I presume are purple stains on my teeth, as hers are stained, too.

After five fruits, the hunger from before no longer gnaws at my stomach. “We’ll pack more to take with us and fill our canteens.”

“Why don’t we just stay here?”

I look past her, scanning the rocks. “I heard a noise on the other side. Could be a wildcat.” Though, I’m guessing a large cat would’ve sniffed us out by now. Probably just a small critter. Still, I can’t help the feeling that something is watching us, and with the sun not yet horizontal in the sky, we have time to find shelter.

Bryani pushes up on her own, and seems to stumble less as she follows me up the rock to where I found the tinaja. She races toward the pool of water with all three canteens clanging at her side, including the one we took from mother’s pack, and fills them up. Still keeping my focus on the surroundings, I burn needles and pack a few more prickly pears.

When something hits the back of my neck, I freeze, letting out a whoosh of air I’m certain Bryani won’t hear over her giggling and splashing in the water.

“Well, well. What do we have here?” The sound of a man’s voice in the thick of the desert is about as terrifying as hearing the clicking sounds Ragers make when they’re excited. It’s a warning that something bad is going to happen.

Bryani’s scream snaps my attention toward the tinaja, where another man points a gun at her.

“Please. Don’t hurt her. You can take me. Do whatever you want, but please don’t touch her.”

“Take you? Already got a woman. A real woman, with some meat on her bones. The hell would I want with you?”

Confusion hits me, rendering me momentarily speechless. I’ve been taught that every man who stumbles upon a young girl in the desert is a potential threat.

“You two are trespassing on private property here. This fruit. The tinaja. Belongs to my hive.”

“I’m sorry. We were … hungry. And thirsty. We’ll leave.”

“I’m sorry, too. Can’t let you go now.”

“We don’t belong to another hive. We did, but we left.” I don’t tell him we were hit by a horde, for fear he’ll shoot us for possibly being infected.

“Why’d you do something stupid like that?”

“They were cruel,” I lie. “They beat us.”

“Don’t look like you’ve suffered much, ‘sides not eating.”

My eyes skate to Bryani, who sits cross-legged, while the man stands guard beside her, his gun lowered.

The pressure lifts from the back of my neck, and I turn to see the man stuff his gun into a holster. He’s probably midforties judging by the slight baldness, slim build, unlike his beefy friend across from us. “Get up.”

Maybe he’ll take us to his hive. They don’t seem hostile. Just protective, which is pretty much the norm.

I don’t protest as I push to my feet, nabbing my pack off the ground.

“Nuh-uh. Your belongings stay.”

The idea of leaving our sacks behind doesn’t sit well, but still, for the sake of shelter and possibly more food, I do as he says.

We follow behind Baldy, down the other side of the mountain, while Beefy brings up the rear of the group. A camp made up of a few dozen tents, arranged in a circle at the foot of the mountain, looks to be their hive. My heart soars at the sight of it. At the thought of having a home. And people again. Lots of people, from the looks of it, as they move about, performing various tasks of cooking and hanging clothes, sharpening tools and skinning animals that’re trussed from tree branches. Probably the biggest hive I’ve seen in a long time—mostly men, of course.

I glance back to Bryani, who follows behind, and smile, though she doesn’t return the gesture. The pinch of her brows tells me she’s feeling uneasy. Cautious. Perhaps I should, too, but I’m so desperate to make things right for my sister, I won’t allow myself those thoughts.

As we near the perimeter, a woman with short cropped hair and a far healthier build than mine swings her attention toward us. The frown on her face leads me to question whether she’s unfriendly, or surprised to see two young girls wandering about the desert.

Instead of going toward the camp, the man leads us in a different direction, away from the cluster of tents and people.

“Where are you taking us?”

“To get you fed.”

My mind wraps itself around his words, and I look back toward the camp as we enter a small cave in the adjacent mountain. “We don’t need food. We just need some sleep.”

“You’ll get plenty of sleep. Trust me.”

When the man from the back snorts, I’m certain something isn’t right. My fears are confirmed when we come to a stop deep inside the cavern where the light doesn’t reach. Hairs on the back of my neck stand upright, and I feel Bryani’s hand slip into mine.

A flame comes to life, just in time for me to see a large object barreling toward us. Muscles stiff, I can’t move as the animal bounds at the two of us, and a gasp slips past my lips. It’s the largest cat I’ve ever seen.

It stops just short and lashes out a paw that grazes across my arm. Hand slapped to my wrist, I back up a step and find the animal is tethered to a thick chain. “What is this? I thought you brought us here for food?” An incessant tremble wracks my muscles, while my heart feels as if a stampede moves through my chest.

“I did. I brought you here for food … for the cat. ‘S’what we do with kids we find out in the Deadlands.”

Beefy laughs from behind, only stoking my anger of having been betrayed.

Cold tendrils curl around the back of my neck, and I mentally calculate how quickly the two of them would catch us if we dashed past Beefy.

A hard push from behind knocks me forward, and the cat lunges again. I fall to the ground and kick backward, hitting my sister’s legs, while the laughter of both men echoes through the cavern.

“What are you assholes doing?” The feminine voice snaps my attention toward the woman from the camp, standing behind Beefy.

“Feeding the cat,” Baldy says and snorts. “What’s it look like?”

“I’m pretty sure you know the rules about finding children.”

“C’mon. Just one of them? The big one.” The bald jerk points to me. “She’s feistier than the other one. I’d love to see her torn to pieces.”

I offer him a glare and swing my attention back to see the woman has pulled a gun. “Don’t make me shoot you, Kemper. You know I will.”

“I’m just playing, Dina. ‘Fucks sake, learn how to take a joke.” He reaches down for me, but I don’t reach back. Instead I slap his hand away, frowning, as I push to my feet. “You see? Feisty.”

“Good,” Dina volleys back. “Maybe if we’re lucky, she’ll cut your nutsack off while you’re sleeping, and we’ll all get to watch the cat tear it to pieces.”

Hand covering his crotch, he grimaces. “You’re a sick woman.”

“And you’re a dead man, if you go near these girls again.” Her gaze falls on me, and she jerks her head for us to follow her.

Flashing Baldy another glare, I catch the twitch of his eyes and the curl of his lip, as Dina leads us out of the cave. I like this woman. In some ways, she reminds me of my mother. Strong and unyielding.

An ache blossoms in my chest at the thought of her, and I tamp it down to stay focused.

Eyes trail our steps as we follow Dina into the small camp, where the savory scent of cooked meat waters my mouth. She guides us to two large boulders set beside a campfire, where some torched animal spins on a spit. “You must be starving.”

I try not to look too eager when I nod, but I can’t take my eyes off the meat.

Tearing pieces from the animal, Dina piles the meat onto a thornless cactus pad and hands it to my sister. She gathers more on a separate pad for me. “I’m giving you my rations for tonight. I’ve eaten plenty today. Enjoy it.”

Lowering my gaze, I can’t even look her in the eye, the shame of hunger overpowering my will to politely decline. “Thank you. We’re grateful.”

Warm, greasy meat fills my belly, as I shove the food into my mouth, licking the smoky flavor from my fingers. The others in the camp keep their distance, but I’ve caught the stares from a couple of younger men. Maybe in their twenties. Dina appears to be one of only a half dozen females in a ratio of one to about four. A few small children scamper about, eyeing Bryani, but it’s the men I’m worried about.

As if she senses it, Dina looks up toward the one male across the camp, who watches us as he sits sipping out of a flask.

“Don’t worry about them. I promise no one will touch you. They’re just curious, is all. Don’t see young girls roaming about very often. Where’d you come from?”

Its not fair to keep anything from her, given she offered up her ration of food. I can’t even imagine such a thing, as starving as I was when we first sat down. The prickly pears offered some relief, but there’s nothing quite like meat to sate real hunger. “Our hive … it was raided by Ragers.”

She rolls her shoulders back, looking suspicious, and I shake my head.

“We didn’t get bit. We got out ahead of them.”

“Horde, was it?”

Nodding, I shove another thread of meat into my mouth and lick the grease from my fingers. “They got our mother.”

“Sorry to hear that. So, you two …. You’re all alone out here?”

A glance at Bryani shows her licking the cactus pad for the last bits of meat, and I offer her one of two pieces left on my plate. “Yeah. Just Bryani, my sister, and me.”

“What’s your name, kid?”

“Calithea.”

“Pretty.” Her eyes seem to appraise me for a moment, before lifting back to my gaze. “You two virgins?”

The question hits me off guard, twisting my stomach with discomfort. Looking around to make sure no one is in earshot, I hesitate to answer her. I know the word, one thrown around by the boys in our hive, and by my mother. She always told us the fact that we never lay with a man makes us more at risk out in the Deadlands.

“You don’t have to answer. Just strange to see two girls who haven’t been swiped up already. Seems someone would’ve gotten to you by now.” Maybe she thinks marauders are after us. Or worse, Legion. I’ve heard about the soldiers who raid hives, raping and murdering the women, and stealing the men away.

“No one’s touched us. At all. We’re virgins.”

A flicker of a frown or intrigue dances across her face, it’s hard to discern between the two. “Interesting.” She gives a sly glance around and picks two more pieces of meat from the animal, handing it to each of us. “C’mon, you must be exhausted. I’ll show you where you can sleep tonight.”

“I don’t mean to sound ungrateful, but we were hoping we could join your hive.”

“That’s not my decision. We’ve got resources and food rationed for our group’s size.”

“I know how to cook. And Bryani knows how to read and sew. We could be useful.”

She exhales a sigh and looks around. “How ‘bout you get some sleep, and I’ll pop the question tomorrow in a meeting with everyone. See what they think.”

Sounds better than roaming the desert all night with Ragers on our trail. “Okay.”

Dina leads us to a tent that appears to be lived in, going off the crinkled blankets and personal items thrown about. “Sorry ‘bout the mess. Wasn’t expecting any visitors.”

The tent is only big enough for Bryani and me, unless we pack in tight together.

“Remember Asshole from the cave? We’re sorta together.” The disappointment on her face suggests maybe it’s not entirely by choice. “I’ll sleep in his tent tonight. You two can sleep in mine.”

For a split second, I wonder if the two of them have been together like that in here, on these blankets, but then I remember the scorpion that scampered across my leg two nights ago while camped out under the stars. I’ll take these blankets over that any day. “Thank you for everything, Dina.”

“You’re welcome, kid.”

CHAPTER 6

Present day

Small, blue, green and silver beads slide over my arm, as I spin the bracelet Bryani made for me. Took a lot of crap for it from the other girls at first, since jewelry isn’t allowed, but Medusa gave me the okay, and, eventually, the others forgot about it. Medusa has her moments, I guess, but I wouldn’t call the woman nice by any stretch. After all, I’ve seen her beat a girl to death for mouthing back.

The thin mattress of my bunk hardly dips, as Roz sits down beside me. Second floor of A Wing is made up of about thirty hospital-sized rooms, and each room somehow manages to fit a dozen bunks, which means there’s no such thing as alone time, or privacy. I’ve been lucky to bunk with Roz since my first year, seeing how frequently girls come and go. She’s a year older than I am and works transport, wheeling subjects from one place to the next, so she sees and hears a lot. Unlike mine, her head is shaved down to a buzz of black that’ll be shaved again in another week. Females in Alpha Project are permitted to forego the shavings. Probably to give the beastly males something to pull when they’re dragging them around their cells. If not for the fact that most of the girls would sooner work the incinerators than be sent off to Alpha Project, I’m certain my long hair would be a source of contention.

“How’d it go?” she asks, tugging a cigarette from the pocket of her uniform. We’re not supposed to smoke, at all, in here, but Roz has something going with one of the engineers, Kenny, who gives her cigarettes in exchange for favors. He basically knows the ins and outs of the computer system throughout the hospital. As much as I’m inclined to warn her off from him, I find their relationship valuable, and in this place, valuable relationships are what keep a person alive.

“Horrible.” Tucking an arm under my head, I sigh. “He hates me.”

Her eye squints as she draws in a lungful of smoke. It’s odd that Medusa doesn’t smell it when she comes in for bed check. Maybe she can’t smell anything. Maybe her nose is as stoney as her heart. “I worried about you all fucking day. Thought I was going to have to suffer a new bunkbitch.”

“Thanks for the confidence. I’m glad to know our friendship means so much.”

A shove to my legs, and she smiles. “Just messing with you.” Twisting around, she folds her legs, forcing mine to the corner of my bed. “’S he huge?”

“I don’t know what they’re feeding them, but he’s the biggest male I’ve seen here.”

Used to be women weren’t permitted at Calico. During the raids on hives, women were seen as useless, breeders of the diseased, and killed off. Now, they’re brought here as subjects, to study third generation breeding in controlled experiments.

The fear was, the presence of females would tempt not only the guards, but the beastly males used in experiments, like Valdys. Funny how it’s evolved into something to study, like everything else here. Starvation. Sleep deprivation. Reactions to hot, cold, pain, and pleasure. Everything is tested and observed, and I have no doubt those muscles are the results of experimentation, too.

Eyes wide, she bites her lip and flicks her ash into the palm of her hand. “You see his dick?”

With a grimace, I cross my arms. “No! It was just a meeting.”

“I had to wheel Neela to surgery after she was with one of the Alphas first day. From the sound of it? He nearly tore her in half.”

I remember Neela, now, from my first year. Didn’t have the greatest start with her, but we eventually grew on each other, and became friends, even. Until she was dragged off for Alpha Project, and I never saw her again after that.

That could’ve easily been me, sent to that Alpha’s room.

“Yeah, thanks for telling me that beforehand, by the way. Might’ve been useful to know what happens when you say their name.”

“That’s why he went at her like that?”

Apparently, Roz doesn’t know everything that goes on in this place. “Yeah. I made the same mistake today.”

“And? What’d he do to you?”

“Nothing like that.”

“Nothing?” She shrugs and shakes her head. “Well, that’s intriguing, don’t you think?”

“There’s nothing intriguing about the Alphas. Mine almost killed me. Strangled me against the wall.”

“Shit, Cali. I’m sorry.” She’s the only one who calls me by my real name here, otherwise we refer to each other by the last three numbers tattooed on the back of our necks. “Let me see.”

Lifting my chin up high, I let her take a look at the bruised band around my throat that’s still tender to the touch.

“Jesus.” Her lips curl, as she drags the tip of her finger over what’s probably a black and purple mess now. Not that she hasn’t seen worse, even on me. Roz has sometimes been the one to wheel me back to my room after my weekly checkups. All I know is, when I’m taken to one of the experimental suites, there’s a few seconds of excruciating pain, and I wake up in recovery afterward. According to her, it’s never pretty when she first retrieves me. “He could’ve snapped your neck, by the looks of it.”

“Felt like he wanted to.” Rubbing my hand over the sensitive flesh, I lower my chin. “I have to make him … like me.” If Medusa, or Doctor Ericsson, heard me discussing the experiment, I’m certain I’d be looking at solitary or “treatment”, which is what they call thermo, or electro, therapy for bad behavior. “I don’t even know how they think I’m going to accomplish that.”

“Touch his cock.”

Frowning, I shake my head. “Can you not be obsessed with the male genitalia for once? This is serious.”

“So am I. You’d be surprised what one little stroke can do. Take Kenny. Guy wouldn’t even look at me for months. Then one day? I transported a No Pulse down to the incinerators.” No Pulse is how those in transport refer to the late stage infected after dissection. “He was standing behind me, and I accidentally brushed up against his dick. Next day? We were making out under the staircase.”

Eyes closing, I blow out an exasperated breath. “I’m not touching his cock. I doubt he’d let me near it, anyway.”

“What I’ve heard, you could probably stand a foot away and brush it.”

“Where the hell do you hear these things?”

Her cheeks cave with another drag of her cigarette. “Shit gets around.”

“Lights out!” Medusa’s voice thunders from the doorway, and eyes popping wide, Roz bends forward, stamping her cigarette out under the bed, before she scrambles up to her top bunk. I catch her licking the ash from her palm, as she climbs the ladder, and I shiver at what that must taste like, if the smell is anything to go by.

The stout guard makes her rounds to each bunk, inspecting every bed for any sign of foul play, which includes hiding food, and in some rare cases, boys from B wing. It’s only happened once where I was assigned, and as far as we know, that boy is dead.

When she finally reaches my and Roz’s bunk, her head raises, eyes scanning over Roz, and then me. Mine is nothing but a cursory glance, as I’ve not broken a rule in a couple years now.

None that she’s been privy to, anyway.

I work in the kitchen during times when I’m not laid out on a gurney, and I did, on occasion, smuggle food back for the others, which resulted in losing my rations for nearly a week, and some solitary. A week through which I still had to serve my fellow subjects, while starving. That day, I lost privileges to see Bryani, since she nearly died trying to defend me, and my hope is to earn those privileges back. I don’t remember much of it, since I blacked out during the interrogation, and I haven’t smuggled anything out of the kitchen since then.

The lights cut out.

There is no place in the desert as black as this room when the lights go out. I can’t even see past my own nose, so when Roz hits the top of my bunk and whispers a sound to get my attention, I don’t even know where to look. “Give me your fingers. Index and middle.”

“Why?”

“Just do it.”

Huffing, I hold up my fingers around the edge of the bed, as she requests, and wait until she taps hers along them in the dark. Her hand curls around my fingers, and she slides her palm up and down. “Feel that?”

“Yeah? So?”

“That’s how you stroke a dick.”

“What the hell are you two doing?” Seven-one-one whispers from the bunk beside us, Shoshanna’s her real name—she’s been here just over three years and works in the cleaning crew. Nice girl, but nosey as hell.

“Mind your own fucking business,” Roz snaps, and keeps on with her stroking.

I don’t know why I let her. Maybe this is how she feels useful to me for all the times I stuck up for her when she first arrived. That’s what friends do for each other in this place. I wouldn’t be here, if someone hadn’t stuck up for me. “Are you done now?” I ask, trying to sound bored, but my mind is brimming with intrigue. It’s not unusual to see a boy’s penis, especially on the experimental wards. Sometimes, they’ll flash us, if they’re brave enough not to get caught. Sometimes, we see the naked bodies of a No Pulse getting wheeled down to incinerators. In a few cases, the guards have propositioned the girls here, in exchange for favors, like cigarettes, or extra food rations. For whatever reason, though, they tend to stay away from the girls in Alpha Project, like me, which is just fine.

I try not to imagine my hands on Valdys that way, but I can’t help thinking, with a man that size, I’d never wrap my fingers around his girth, even if I tried what she’s suggesting. It’d be impossible.

Dropping my hand, I end her little demonstration and roll over in my bed.

“Did you feel how hard I squeezed? They like that. The harder the better.”

“Doesn’t that hurt?”

“Maybe, but in a good way, I guess. And they love their balls played with, too. And sucked.”

“Okay, I’m done with this conversation.” Clenching my eyes won’t erase the visuals of me trying to play with Valdys that way, and all I can imagine are those big palms grabbing me by the neck and slamming me against the wall for touching him. “Besides, we’re not supposed to touch them,” I add, as the fact comes to mind.

“You weren’t supposed say his name, either, right? Maybe this one likes a girl who breaks the rules.”

In the darkness, I mull over her words, and recall Doctor Ericsson telling me my meeting was the most successful, in spite of having broken a number of the rules. Maybe Roz is right. Maybe Valdys appreciates a rule-breaker. That’s why I’m assigned to him, after all. To keep him in line.

“I’m still not touching his cock,” I whisper back.

CHAPTER 7

Four years ago

Something jostles me out of dreams, and I jolt upright on a gasp.

Dina is standing over me, her finger pressed to her lips. “Shhh. Follow me.” She wakes Bryani up, as well, and the lingering darkness and chilly air reveals it’s the middle of the night.

“What’s going on?”

“You wanted a place to stay, right?” she whispers, nabbing a canteen that she straps across her chest.

“I thought we were going to ask about staying here?”

“They don’t want you here. Look, it’s nothing personal, kid. We just don’t have the resources. Two more mouths mean two less get fed.”

The news leaves a sick churning in my stomach, and I can’t even look at Bryani right now. “So, where are you taking us?”

“There’s a place. It’s safe. You’ll have food, water, shelter, everything you need.”

“Where? And why do we have to leave in the middle of the night?”

“It’s a half-day hike. C’mon, I’ll show you.”

She kept her sadistic boyfriend from feeding us to a mountain lion. Gave us her rations of meat. And let us sleep a few hours, by my estimates, in her own bed. We have no reason not to trust her. As disappointing as it is to leave, perhaps the next stop will have fewer creepy men staring at us. At the very least, fewer who would reap enjoyment from watching a lion tear us apart.

I push up from the bed and follow after her, out of the tent.

A half-day walk is comparably easier on a full belly. I tip the canteen back, taking a long swig of the water we collected from the tinaja before heading out. Dina returned our packs to us, so each one of us has water and small pieces of jerky Dina swindled from the food rations. I’ve hardly broken a sweat by the time we reach a shallow cavern in the side of the mountain, after just a few hours of hiking.

Sloughing her pack onto the ground, Dina directs us to settle on the soft bed of cool sand inside the cavern.

“This is the place?” I ask, frowning as I plop down onto the sand.

“Wait here. I have to talk to the leader of the hive, first. I don’t want him to know you’re with me.”

“Why?”

“In case he’s squirly, at all. Just looking out for you, okay?”

Tucking my knees up to my chest, I nod. “Okay.”

With a smile, she exits the cavern, and I look over to Bryani, who draws in the sand with a small twig.

“I didn’t want to stay at that place, anyway. I like Dina, but the other men were assholes.”

“Bree!” I chuckle at the sound of her cursing. Though our mother cussed quite a bit, neither of us ever really slipped. Not that my mother would’ve cared if we did. It just felt disrespectful to swear in front of her.

“Remember when Momma found the lizard in her sleepsack?”

My body convulses with laughter at the memory of our mother hopping about, convinced it had crawled into her shirt. “I never heard a woman spew so many curse words in a matter of seconds.”

Bree’s howls of laughter echo in the cavern, prompting more laughter from the both of us, until I’m bent over, weak with all the laughing, which eventually dies down to solemn smiles.

“I’m gonna miss her.” Voice wobbly with tears, Bree wipes at her eyes and chuckles again. “Fastest cusslinger in the south.”

Smiling wider, I nod. “I’ll miss her, too.”

A hum and squeal outside of the cave sounds like a vehicle coming to a stop, and I set my finger to my lips, signaling Bryani to remain quiet. Movement at the mouth of the cave snags my attention, and I turn to see three men, dressed entirely in black. Masks hide their faces, and long black tubes make them look like some kind of monster. Unfriendly.

Legion.

I scramble over the sand toward my sister and push her behind me, as the men enter the cave toward us. “No! No!”

Cornered. Yanking Bryani to the ground, I scamper on all fours toward a gap between the men, but one of them grabs hold of my hair, wrenching me backward. A splitting pain streaks across my scalp.

Still, I fight, kicking and punching, and scratching whatever I can, because after the stories I’ve heard, I’d sooner have every strand of hair pulled from my scalp than be captured by Legion. “Let go of me! Let us go!”

We’re dragged with ease out of the cave, toward a vehicle off in the distance. Dina stands to the side, where crates are stacked before her. Ammunition, cans of food, and medicine bottles, from what I can make out in a passing glimpse.

I glare back at her with all the rage that seethes through my blood. “What have you done? What have you done!” Squirming and kicking is futile against my captor, whose grip is steel around my body. “What have you done!”

“Hey, you guys … you don’t hurt ‘em, right?” she calls after the guard, who wrangles Bryani into the back of the truck.

“Of course not. They’ll be treated very well.” Even a fool could pick up the lies in his tone.

The back of the truck has bars across, like a cage. One forceful shove knocks me to the bed of it, the metal scraping against my knees and tearing the skin. With a wince, I push to a crawl, but the door slams in my face before I can reach it. Gripping the bars, I pull myself up, the tears in my eyes finally breaking free, as I stare back at the woman who betrayed us.

“Hear that, kid?” If I didn’t know what a slimy person she was, I’d mistake the flickering frown on her face for remorse. “You’re gonna be okay. Calico is a safe place. A hospital. They’ll treat you good there.”

CHAPTER 8

Present day

The elevator opens onto the dark corridor, and once again, I’m staring straight into a nightmare. The walls pound and thunk as I pass, on my way to the door at the end of the hallway. The same as the day before.

I stayed up half the night trying to imagine how I would approach Valdys today, how I might breach his walls. I’ll certainly not be taking any of Roz’s advice.

My whole body is cold and shaking by the time Medusa steps in front of me to open the door.

“After yesterday, I’ll assume you’re well versed in the rules.”

The rules didn’t help me at all yesterday, but I answer, “Yes.”

Setting her hand to the wall pops the lock, and as the door slides open to the shadowy room, my stomach sinks. The bruised band across my throat tingles when I step inside the mostly empty space that feels about ten degrees colder than the corridor. This time, I have nothing to offer him. Nothing to say after yesterday’s attack. And no idea what I’m expected to do, in order to make this beastly man want to keep from seeing me take his punishment.

Five minutes pass in the span of what feels like thirty, before I finally park myself on the floor against the nearby wall. Pulling my knees up, I wade through the thoughts spinning around my head--topics of conversation that would come easy to me, if Roz were sitting across from me, instead of a six foot killing machine. I can’t even see him, where he sits in the shadows, to know if anyone’s really there, at all. It’s only the metallic scent on the air, watering my tongue, that lets me know he’s in the room.

Seconds turn to minutes, until the silence between us becomes easier than trying to strike up conversation that probably doesn’t matter to him anyway. In the quiet, flashes of the night before pop through my head, as I imagine the birdseye view of Roz trying to teach me how to stroke a cock. The image tugs a laugh, and I slap a hand over my mouth at the sound of shifting across the room. Lowering my gaze, I clear my throat of any other urges, snorting once, and clear it again.

The room falls quiet again.

More minutes pass.

In a mindless gesture, I tap my finger against the concrete to the rhythm of a song my mother used to hum from back when she was young. Under Pressure, by someone named Bowie and Queen, or something. Da da da da-de da da. Da da da da da-de da da.

Tipping my head back against the wall in boredom, I huff a sigh and close my eyes.

A few minutes later, I hear the same tapping across the room, faint but recognizable. Same rhythm. It takes a number of facial muscles to keep from smiling, and I don’t dare open my eyes, for fear he’ll stop.

As though catching himself echoing my boredom, he does stop, though, and once again, we’re sitting in awkward silence across from each other.

More minutes pass this way, and the door finally clicks after what must be an hour, though it seems longer. The impassive expression on Medusa’s face is a clue that she’s not amused by my lack of effort this round. As we walk the hall back to the elevator, she huffs her frustration. “It’s important for you to engage him in these visits.”

“Engage him, how? Get him to rape me? Is that what you’re looking for?”

Slamming her finger against the button harder than necessary, she snarls back at me. “Watch your tone, girl.”

Supper is stew meat and beans in water with bread. Same thing everyday, for all meals, only I’m lucky. Most of the subjects don’t get meat. This is a perk reserved only for girls who work in Alpha Project, along with the hair, but the others don’t complain.

They feel sorry for us, mostly.

I tip back my small bowl, until every last drop is gone, and clear my spot, before heading out to the yard. At the corners of our sectioned-off yard stand three guards, and beyond them, of course, are the Ragers, who ensure no one tries to skip off into the desert. A girl tried, a few years back, from the stories I’ve heard. She somehow made it past the Ragers, but according to the rumors, she perished beneath a Juniper tree, to where she was eventually tracked. Pools of blood led soldiers to believe Ragers had dragged her off somewhere, a thought that twists my guts. If ever I found myself caught in one of their nests, I’d much prefer to be eaten alive.

Like my mother.

Even after all these years, I still think about her. I still hear her screams from the night she threw herself to the monsters. Still see the brief flicker of clarity across her face when I told her I loved her. She’d have never survived in a place like this. Her personality was far too bold to be enslaved, a thought that shames me, sometimes. I’m certain she’d rather have faced death, than been told to entertain one of their killers.

I miss Bryani, too. It’s been years since I’ve seen her. The updates I get are courtesy of Medusa, when she’s feeling exceptionally kind, but otherwise, I’m left to wonder how she’s holding up here. What she looks like at fourteen. Does she ever think about me?

The sting at the rims of my eyes threaten tears, and I blink them away, clearing my throat. This place has no room for tears, that much I’ve come to learn.

Across the yard, one of the second year girls pushes what appears to be a newcomer up against the fence. I don’t blame them for their animosity toward the new arrivals really, because even the ones half starving from the desert appear to be healthier than any of the girls stuck here for too long, but that’s the tragedy of this place. We all look like death, eventually.

Second year slams her fist into the new girl’s face, sending a spray of blood into the air, and the onlookers goad her on. I could intervene. I should. If she dies, though, she’s better off. I’m fortunate to be asleep when most of the experiments are conducted on me, but there are some who suffer that pain while conscious. I’ve come to learn that some of the males undergo what are known as provocation tests, which are basically cruel torture tactics used to incite the Alpha gene from its dormant state. Some are quite extreme and often result in immediate death.

Or murder, more like.

There is nothing so just in this place as death.

Before I make my way across the lawn, the fight is broken up by guards, and the second year girl is dragged away. That’s the other consequence. She won’t be back.

Once they’re dragged away, they never come back.

CHAPTER 9

Four years ago

I peer through the bars of the cage, staring up at the enormous structure standing before me. Many of the buildings I’ve seen have fallen into disrepair, or crumbled with destruction. This is one of few that seems to harbor a purpose--one I’ve yet to determine. The door swings open to show a Legion soldier, who wears a gun strapped across his chest.

I try to imagine what it would take to wrangle that gun away from him, as I allow him to help me down off the truck. Bryani follows, hopping to the dirt, which kicks up as dust around our feet. The scent on the air is a burnt, meaty smell that reminds me of the animal hanging from the spit back at the camp.

I can’t think about that camp, because it’ll bring thoughts of Dina, and I’m guessing these soldiers don’t tolerate the kind of rage that would prompt me to lash out at something.

I’m sure they’d shoot me dead for it.

“Move!” The soldier’s muffled voice comes through loud and clear, and as if it wasn’t enough, he nudges me with his gun.

As we make our way toward the building, the sound of clicks and chattering teeth stop me in my tracks. On instinct, my muscles clamp around my chest, as my mind prepares for flight, or fight. Another nudge from behind sends me forward, until we round a corner, and the source of the sound is confirmed, where Ragers stand lined against a fence, growling and reaching out for Bryani and me.

I try to imagine why these soldiers would allow so many to gather so close, considering they have the weapons to kill them off.

Upon entering the building, we’re met by a man not much taller than me, with smooth blond hair and a cleanshaven face, who smiles as though he’s happy to see the two of us. “Hello!”

There’s a slimy nature to his voice that reminds me of the men who stumbled into our hive once, pretending to look for shelter. They were just as falsely friendly as this man, and it was only when my friend, Sienna, went missing that we determined they were actually marauders. From that moment on, no one was permitted into our hive again without being shot on sight.

“Welcome to Calico,” the blond says, clasping his hands together. “You two must be exhausted after your journey. Come, we’ll get you cleaned up and clothed.” He spins around before we even reach him, leading us up a staircase.

“What’s wrong with our clothes?” I ask, not bothering to follow after him. A sweep of the inside of the building shows tall ceilings with too bright lights, and the shiniest floors I’ve ever seen. So polished, I can see my reflection in them. Someone must work very hard to keep the floors this clean, and I’m curious to know why. “What is this place?”

He rolls his shoulders, turning around, and there’s nothing genuine about the smile he extends. “Were you not briefed on the way here?” At the shake of my head, he glances toward one of the soldiers and continues, “This is a hospital. You’ve spent quite a bit of time out in the Deadlands, it seems.” His eyes give a sharp sweep, feet to face, and he raises a brow. “Children should be checked regularly for signs of disease. You also appear to be slightly dehydrated and malnourished.”

“We feel just fine.”

“Just the same, I’d like you to come with me.”

“We’d rather just go.”

The exaggerated blink of his eyes through the next forced smile is a warning his patience is as thin as the mask he’s wearing. Lifting his gaze, he gives a nod, presumably to one of the soldiers standing behind me. Before I have a chance to swing around, something sharp stings my neck, and I slap a hand there, the weight of my arms heavy and weak.

I turn to see one of the soldiers holding a needle at my sister’s neck. “Hey! Lea’her’lone!”

Every word that comes out of my mouth is slurred, and when I lurch forward, the floor comes crashing toward my face.

A piercing pain strikes my head, and I open my mouth for a scream that doesn’t make it past my lips. Only a sharp breath expels, and I blink my eyes open to more of that blinding light, with the sound of ringing in my ears. I lift my arm, which feels as if it’s fallen asleep, my fingertips cold and useless, flaccid as they flop against my ears. A tube hangs from my wrist, and I follow it’s path to a clear bag hanging off a metal pole beside me. Bringing my other hand up is equally challenging, and my attempt to remove the needle lodged into my wrist is thwarted by muscles too lax to grip anything, but I can see the dirt and grime that coated my skin has been washed clean away, and I sniff a sweet lavender scent in its place.

A dryness worse than thirst clings to my throat, and I cough, trying to work up a small bit of saliva. Feels like the rough surface of a cat’s tongue. I’m lying on a white bed, with white sheets, in a white room, with white walls. Speckles of red look like blood splashed over its surface, but I can’t imagine where from.

The curtain swings back, revealing a slim woman with dark skin, wearing a gray uniform. With her hair shaved down to her bald head, I only know she’s female based on her face, which doesn’t offer much of a smile, as she handles the bag dangling from the pole. And the breasts poking against her shirt. “Another five minutes and you should be good to go to the Commissary for supper.”

I wonder if they’ve shaved my head, too, since I can’t feel anything.

Swallowing past the lump that won’t shrink at the back of my throat, I raise my head off the pillow, watch her lift my wrist and set some cold piece of metal there that’s attached to a necklace, of sorts, which she sticks into her ears.

“What’s Commissary?”

“Shhhh.” She stares off for a moment, the slight nod of her head seeming to keep track of something while she holds the metal to my wrist, then she pops the necklace out of her ears. “First floor. You’ll eat some stew and get thirty minutes in the yard. Feeling should return soon. You’ll probably have some nausea, but the broth will help.” She sounds like my mother when we got sick, spouting off her nursing terms so matter-of-fact.

There’s a sense of panic brewing in my chest at the information this woman isn’t providing, though. “My sister? Where is my sister?”

“You’ll meet her in the Commissary, and then you’ll be assigned to your bunks.”

At that, I push up as much as I can, lifting half my body up off the bed, before a hand sets against my chest. “Nuh-uh. Five minutes. You try to move now, and you’ll be trippin’ all over yourself.”

“I want to see my sister.”

“And you will.” The way her brow raises also reminds me of my mother, when she refused to negotiate with me. “In five minutes.”

On a huff of frustration, I fall back onto the pillows, the irritation growing faster than my sense of touch. “What is this place?”

“What’s it look like?” She lifts a board with an attached paper and a pen, scribbling something I can’t see.

“I’m old enough to know looks can be deceiving.”

She rolls her eyes and snorts a laugh. “Smart girl.” Setting the board back down on the table beside me, she sets to straightening my sheets around me. “It’s a research facility. We’re here to find a cure for the Dredge.”

“And what role do my sister and I play in that?”

“Look, kid, I’m just the nurse who makes sure you wake up. I don’t have all the answers.” She spins to leave, and whether by will, or a small measure of strength, I’m able to reach out and grab her wrist, stopping her.

“Please. Help us get out of here. We don’t belong here.”

Prying my fingers from her arm, she shakes her head. “Baby, you think any of us belong here? It’s better than dying out there.” She jerks her head as if freedom is so close, just over my shoulder, when I know it isn’t. It’s beyond the walls and the guards, and if I make it past those, I’d have the Ragers to contend with.

“At least I have choices out there. And freedom.”

“If that’s what you think, you ain’t been on your own long enough.” With a pat to my arm, she smiles. “Five minutes, and you are free to go to the Commissary.”

“You said that five minutes ago.”

“Give it another five.”

Sickness churns in my stomach while I hold out a bowl, watching a too-frail girl, whose head is also shaved, ladle broth with some beans. It splashes over the edge, wetting the slice of bread beside it. Perhaps this is the first time I’m not hungry enough to eat, or the overwhelming smell, like sewage, has soured my appetite.

“Dysentery’s a bitch,” the serving girl says from behind the counter, wearing the same yellow uniform as my own. “You’ll get used to it.”

Perhaps my disgust is more obvious than I thought.

“Cali! Cali!” The familiar sound of my sister tamps down the urge to vomit all over the only meal I’m probably getting today, and I turn to see her waving at me from a table, where she sits with two other girls that look to be her age. Leave it to Bryani to make friends in this place.

The sight of her shaved head draws my hand to my own bald skin, and it takes some effort not to break down in tears as I hobble over to her and take a seat on the only open spot at the table. I notice she’s already eaten most of her food. “Here,” I say, pushing my tray toward her. “I’m not that hungry yet.”

“I’m okay.” She pushes it back. “You don’t have to keep giving me your rations.”

“You need it more than I do.”

“I’ll eat it!” One of the two girls at the table, a scrawny-looking thing with sunken eyes reaches out for my tray, but I yank it out of her reach.

“No. I’ll eat it.”

“This is eight-eight-two and eight-twenty-nine.” Bryani runs her fingers over the back of her neck, where I catch something black there. “I can’t remember mine.”

Batting her hand away, I notice the red, inflamed skin where a number has been inked, and I touch the back of my neck, picking up some clear gelatinous goo on the tip of my finger.

“What did they do?” I ask, gathering more of the goo, which I wipe on the uniform I was given back in the recovery room.

“It’s your number. Everyone has one.” The one called eight-eight-two turns just enough for me to catch part of the number tattooed beneath her hairline.

“Kinda itches a little.” Bryani chuckles, pretending to scratch at it. “I didn’t feel it when I first woke up, but now it burns.”

“It goes away,” the girl responds. “You need to memorize it. At least the last three numbers for when they call you over the speaker.”

“Call us?” Frowning, I pull apart a piece of bread and shove it into my mouth. It’s bland and salty, but soaks up some of the acids burbling in my stomach. “For what?”

“Your bunk assignment. Experiments. Whatever they need you for.” The girl looks past us and nudges her friend. “C’mon. Let’s go outside for a few minutes.”

“You just want to see the boys,” her friend beside her argues.

“Do not!”

“Do, too!”

“What boys?” I turn around, peering through the window to where a small yard is sectioned off by fence, barbed wire, guards, and Ragers. Virtually impossible to escape.

“The older boys are next to us.” Eight-twenty-nine gathers up her bowl, as well as her friend’s and Bryani’s bowls, and stacks them neatly. “Have you ever seen a penis before?” she asks Bryani, and I reach in front of the girl, interrupting her stare, and snap my fingers.

“Hey, she doesn’t need to see any of that. Neither do you.”

The girl shrugs. “Not my fault they show us, sometimes.” She pushes up from the table, and as though there’s some unspoken understanding between them, Bryani grabs her tray and follows after them, leaving me alone.

“Hey!” I scarf down some of the broth for my stomach’s sake, and shove a piece of bread into my mouth, before discarding my tray and dishes into a basin set beside the door. Pushing through the door, I follow the young girls out to the yard, nabbing Bryani’s arm.

“You don’t need to go with them!” I chide her, and the way her eyes skate to the side tells me she’s embarrassed.

Wrenching her arm out of my grasp, she tightens her lips in anger. “You’re not my mom! You can’t tell me what to do!”

“You’re right! I’m not! But she wouldn’t want you acting that way, either!”

“She isn’t here!”

“Because she’s dead!”

“She’s dead because of you!”

The bite of her words slices into my heart, and it takes every ounce of effort not to tear up at her words. Sometimes, I forget that Bryani is young. She doesn’t understand the heartbreak of simple words. They fly off her tongue with little to no remorse, because no one has ever spoken to her that way. I could never bring myself to hurt her.

I stand dumbfounded for a minute, watching her storm off with the other girls, toward the fence. Beyond the barrier, groups of boys in blue uniforms, my age and older, form groups. Some stand around talking. Others smoke. Some stand at the fence, calling out to the girls.

A guard shuffles the boys off, setting my stomach at ease, and I wait, observing my sister with her newfound friends. They park themselves beneath a tree at the corner of the yard, sitting in a circle, clapping their hands in play.

As I glance around the yard, I note that all of the girls look the same, a sea of bald heads and yellow uniforms, making it nearly impossible to distinguish one from the other. Even Bryani doesn’t stick out from them as easily as I hoped. I’ve never seen so many girls and women in one place before. It’s as if they gathered up every last one in the world and brought them here. The question is, what for?

To keep my observations from looking too obvious, I make my way across the yard, noting where everything is, scanning for holes in the fences, objects lying about that can be used as a step for climbing. Or weapons against the guards. Not a single means of escape in this place.

Opposite my sister, I back myself against the fence, from where I can watch her.

I wish I could be that innocent. So young and naïve. Blind to the dangers I can see through this false shroud. What bliss it would be to pretend that this is the kind of place where friends are made and life is better than outside the walls. Judging by the haggard appearance of so many of these girls, though, I get a sense that isn’t the case.

“Check it out. We got a newbie!”

The unfamiliar voice from behind draws me out of my musings, and I turn to see a stocky girl standing behind me. Scattered freckles complement the pale tone of her skin. Narrow, beady eyes, set too close, don’t seem to be all that friendly.

“What’s your number, Newbie?”

Shrugging, I turn to blow her off, noticing my sister isn’t sitting under the tree anymore.

“Hey! Don’t ignore me, bitch.” A shove from behind nearly knocks me to the ground, and I scowl back at her.

“Back off.”

She looks beyond me, cupping her hands at either side of her mouth. “Eh! Sixty-five! I got a newb!”

Following the path of her stare has my gaze landing on one of the older kids in the yard next door. He breaks from his group, subtly tossing a cigarette aside, as he makes his way toward the fence. Bright green eyes and tawny skin with a strong jaw, he looks to be eighteen, or nineteen, maybe. Handsome, but the glint in his eyes is pure trouble.

“Yeah? Let’s see her.”

“Get up,” Freckles commands.

“Piss off.” I don’t curse as a general rule, unless someone pushes me over the edge, but after today, I’m already halfway to the bottom of the cliff.

Grabbing a handful of my uniform, she yanks hard, drawing me to my feet. My muscles, still too weak from whatever drug I’ve been given, are of little use in fighting her. Bent forward, all I can do is scratch at her arms while she drags me along the fence, nearly tugging my shirt to my breasts, where the boy stands.

“Stop! Stop it!”

She guides me around the tree, and at the first sound of clicking and growls, my guts feel like they’re about to expel what little I’ve eaten.

I scream, but my pitch is no match for the collective growls that grow more excitable. The girls around me laugh as Freckles tugs me closer, close enough I can feel small spasms of pain as the monsters scratch their nails over my skin.

“You have a choice, girl. Let the Ragers flay you right here, or touch my friend’s junk.”

Nails digging into her skin, I scratch at her hand, and she releases me.

“Ouch! Bitch!”

I tumble backward, and an arm wraps around my neck, holding me against the fence, as Freckles slaps and scratches at my face. Screams bleat from my chest. Cruel laughter in my ear heightens my frustration, and I manage to draw back a fist. With every ounce of power left in me, I slam it into Freckles’s face, knocking her head to the side.

For a second, she looks stunned, but her eyes turn cold and murderous.

“C’mon, Lee. You gonna let her hit you like that?!” The boy grips tighter from behind, squeezing the air from my windpipe.

As Freckles lunges forward, the boy’s arm falls away, and I twist, dodging her punch, and see another boy has knocked my attacker to the ground, this one slightly bigger. Maybe slightly older. Certainly stronger. Punch after punch smashes the kid’s face on sprays of blood, and even Freckles has abandoned her wrath, looking on in shock as her friend is pummeled. The other boy manages to flip his attacker over, and the two of them roll on the dirt, drawing a crowd of boys around them.

“Fight! Fight! Fight!” the boys chant.

The guards appear out of nowhere, black uniforms in a sea of blue, and I zero in on the boy who helped me. The one who didn’t hesitate to help me. One with silvery gray eyes and golden-bronze skin whom it takes two guards to drag away. A second boy jumps in his place, punching and kicking the one who attacked me. The one on the ground kicks the feet out from under the boy, and just like the first two, they’re rolling across the dirt.

Four more guards drag the two boys off, and Freckles shakes her head beside me.

“Oh, no, oh, God, no.”

Turning toward her and back to the boys, I look on in confusion. The dread in her voice rides thick on her words, as if she just witnessed something more horrible than watching her friend get roughed up by both boys. “What’s going to happen to them?”

“I don’t know.” A tear spills down her cheek, which she quickly wipes away like she doesn’t want me to see. “They never come back when they’re dragged away.”

CHAPTER 10

Present day

When chores were assigned a while back, I resigned myself to work in the kitchen, in hopes of seeing my sister. Everyone passes through at some point, but it’s been years since I last caught a glimpse of her here. Perhaps she comes in on a different shift. Maybe the girls in obstetrics eat together. I imagine that, sometimes: Bryani and the friends she’s made here, eating together. Laughing and telling stories, as carefree as any day out in the desert. Hard as I try, it’s becoming more difficult to imagine her face, the details I once committed to memory slowly dissolving into scraps of forgotten thoughts. If not for Medusa’s occasional updates, I’d never even know she was alive in this place.

I wipe down the stainless steel counters, preparing the kitchen for the next group. The perks of working back here are getting an extra piece of bread after shift, and water whenever I want. I’m not one to pass on the extras, because I’ve learned, after four years, that what I don’t take, someone else will, but today, I’m not in the mood. I’ve got another meeting with the Iron Giant, followed by a delightful wrap up with Doctor Ericsson that has officially soured my appetite.

I swipe the bread into the oversized stainless steel sink, still a quarter full of suds from washing dishes, and reach down to pull the plug. A sharp prick hits the tip of my finger, and I draw back on a curse, examining the slice up the side of it. Blood slides down wet skin, falling out of a sizable gash that, by the depth when I pull it apart, probably needs stitches.

Suction from the drain draws my attention toward a knife left behind by one of the Legion cooks. We’re not supposed to have access to such potential weapons. The cooks prepare the food, well before we come in to serve it, and never once have they been so careless as to leave a knife behind. The sight of it stirs flashes of memory, and I pause in hopes of immersing myself in these strange dream-like images.

“Cali! Cali!” Bryani calls out to me.

I turn to see her lying on a gurney beside me. The sterile scent of bleach and chemicals fills my lungs, but it fails to stamp out the pungent odor of death. I reach out a hand connected to tubes. The room spins too fast. A man looms over me. In his hand is a scalpel, one so shiny, I can see balls of light from the oversized lamp above me reflected in the steel. An exhausted cry bleeds out of my chest.

It almost seems like another person, but the details are so vivid. I look down at the cut on my finger, which has begun to drip blood that pools in the basin, staining the white frothy bubbles of dish water. I lift the knife and tuck it into my apron, glancing around to make sure none of the other two kitchen workers noticed, and I stick my finger beneath the running water to rinse the gash. From the shelf beside me, I grab a clean, dry rag and wrap it around the wound, squeezing hard to staunch the blood.

Should someone find the weapon, they’ll use it to remove something on me--something benign, like a finger. I’ve seen it happen once. A girl once swiped a scalpel from surgery, and Medusa ordered one of the soldiers to use that very knife to cut off her thumb. Still, the knife is a gift, and in a place like Calico, one doesn’t ignore such simple generosities of fate.

A deep burn penetrates my flesh where the wound has begun it’s healing process. Can’t see much of it in the darkness, but I’ve done a fine job of picking at it the last twenty minutes, while parked against the wall in Valdys’s cell.

Another day of silence.

I’ve grown used to it, though. He doesn’t bother me. I don’t bother him. No one gets knocked onto their back and viciously raped.

The wound is a distraction that I managed to hide from Medusa on the way down here, though the Alphas we passed along the way seemed more excitable than usual. As though they could smell the blood and open flesh.

The knife, I hid inside a hole in my mattress back at the room. Perhaps I’ll never use it.

It’s nice knowing it’s there, though.

The door clicks open, earlier than last time, unless the distraction of my wound is that effective in making me think it’s earlier.

Medusa’s hands are clasped, her chin high, eyes brimming with all kinds of frustration. “Come with me.” Behind her, Legion soldiers enter the room, passing me, as I push to my feet.

Growls and scuffling echo inside the cell, and I watch as they prod the shadow in the corner.

“Quickly now.” Medusa’s voice is less patient this time, and I slide along the wall, keeping my eyes on the soldiers, who wrangle with the blackness of the room. Like trying to rope a shadow.

Once out of the cell, I follow Medusa toward a door at the opposite side of the corridor, and the two of us wait there, as Legion guide Valdys by chains out of his room.

In the light, he truly looks like a beast, and I steal the opportunity to study the features unseen in his dark cell. Small patches of hair on his chest that give some insight into his age. The scars, so many more than I saw before, scattered over his body. The tight muscles beneath his skin that look strong enough to throttle all of us at once if he wanted. And below his helmet is a silver band I didn’t notice before around his throat, which seems to be soldered to his helmet, as though preventing its removal.

“What’s the band at his throat?”

“A tracker,” Medusa answers. “All the Alphas wear one.”

He doesn’t even spare me a glance when he passes.

“What’s happening?” I ask, sliding my hand behind my back so Medusa won’t notice the cut. “Where are they taking him?”

“Never mind that.” She sets her hand to the wall of the door beside us, and when it clicks open, she waves me inside.

Confusion settles over me, as I peer into an identical shadowy cell, and back to her. “What is this?”

“Doctor Ericsson would like to see how you interact with Titus.”

Heart slamming into my throat, I cough and choke on my spit. “Another Alpha? I … I thought … I thought the reason binding happened was because I carry some of Valdys’s DNA, or something.”

“Well, the good Doctor would like to test that theory.” A hard shove from behind sends me flying into the room and crashing to my knees, and before I can twist around to escape, the door closes.

The pounding inside my chest stutters my breaths, as the hairs on my skin prickle. Shit.

Gaze glued to the shadows, I watch for movement, the slightest twitch. At least with Valdys, I’ve developed a certain level of predictability. Surely, this Alpha can hear every breath that saws out of me, thick with the same fear that has my muscles trembling right now. Swallowing past the dryness, I clear my throat and push to my feet, knees sore from the fall and ready to buckle. “Hello?”

Bed springs squeak, and an enormous figure emerges from the darkness, into the light from the corridor. He looks like a carbon copy of Valdys. Over six foot, his skin riddled in a slightly different pattern of scars, muscles tight and prominent. An iron helmet covering his head, giving an inhuman barbarity to his appearance. He lurches toward me, and ripples of panic shoot down my spine as I back myself against the wall.

Don’t move! My brain screams inside my head.

Just as with Valdys, the cold iron of his helmet drags over my skin, as he smells me. Warm, calloused hands slide down my shoulder, tensing my muscles. He draws my hand from behind my back, and before I can stop him, he’s found my wound. He lifts my hand to his face, and though I tug my arm back, he shoves my finger through the mouth hole of his helmet. A wet, silky tongue slides over my skin, and every fiber inside my body is taut with the moment this beastly thing will bite down and chew my finger clean off.

Fleshy lips seal over my knuckle, and he glides my finger back out, kissing the burning cut, before he releases my hand. I recoil my arm so quickly, it slaps against the wall behind me, sending a bruising vibration up through my bones.

A purring rumble in his throat sends a tickle through my chest, and I don’t even have the opportunity to exhale, before he swipes my legs out from beneath me. The air moves quickly around me as he carries me across the room and sets me down on his bed.

Gently.

The bed dips with his weight, and he slides in beside me, caging me between him and the wall.

With a cautious hand set to his hip, I pull myself up to climb over him, but he pushes me back to the mattress.

“Stay.” The raspy tone of his voice is soft, but spiked with a warning.

Every cell inside of me shakes uncontrollably, and I lie back down, as he commands.

Their lips aren’t sewn, after all.

Rough hands stroke my hair, my face, and he wriggles closer, pressing me tighter against him. I’m expecting him to crush me at any minute, to smother me beneath his oversized body as he rapes me here on his bed, to touch me in ways that no male has ever touched me before.

Instead, he lies quietly next to me, his palm running over me in an investigative, rather than sexual, way.

“So soft.” He sets his palm against mine, stretching my fingers, and it’s then I notice how big his hands are, how easily they could crush mine. “You smell like flowers.”

Though there’s a husky nature to his voice, he seems to be more comforted than aroused, like one who’s not had much human contact, at all.

Minutes pass, with his curious, though not entirely violating, caresses, until the door clicks open, casting a blast of light into the cell, and Titus rolls away from me. Two Legion soldiers march into the room, and with one hand, he pushes me against the wall, growling back at them, as if he’s … protecting me.

The soldiers lurch forward, jabbing their guns at him, and I notice the sharp points at the tips aren’t gun barrels, but some kind of spear.

Titus roars, falling to all fours, and he swipes out at the soldiers, who skirt his swings. Not a minute later, he collapses, twitching and moaning.

Flicking his fingers at me, the Legion soldier steps over the Alpha and holds out a hand. The moment I reach back, his legs fly up in the air, and the soldier smacks to the floor. My pulse races, as I watch Titus scramble over him, but he doesn’t get a single punch in, before a second soldier rushes toward the two and stabs Titus again.

Massive arm drawn back, Titus crashes like an iron statue, crumbling to the floor.

My leg bounces incessantly, while I sit before Doctor Ericsson, who rewinds the video of my interaction with Titus.

“You see? Here. Here is that protective nature I was telling you about.”

Head tilted downward, I lift only my gaze toward the screen, on which he’s paused an image of Titus. Shoulders bunched, hands balled into a fist, he looks ready to fight. I imagine, behind that helmet is a murderous stare to match his stance.

“This isn’t a problem with the female subject. It’s Valdys. He’s toying with me.” Brows furrowed, he sits rubbing his smooth chin. “Perhaps we’ll have the helmets removed. That might help acclimate them.”

“They’re attached permanently?”

“Not permanently, but they’re not permitted to remove them. However, in the spirit of testing variables, perhaps we’ll see if that’s a factor.” He huffs, tapping a finger to his lips. “I’ll think about it. Allowing them too much freedom gives the wrong impression.”

Freedom? From not having to wear a heavy slab of iron day and night? I don’t bother to tell him he has freedom and humanity mixed up. “Why did you put me in there with him? Titus?”

“Titus rejected his assigned female. We thought we’d try cross binding to see if there was something wrong with you.”

His words carve into my chest as it occurs to me just how insignificant I am. That I could be thrown into another cage like a mouse being shared between snakes. “Rejected her?” After his gentle interactions with me, I find it hard to believe Titus would reject anything.

“Yes. Would you like to see the tape?”

“No.” God, no. The last clip he showed me resulted in nightmares of me being torn in half by Valdys.

“Is … is she dead?”

“Not dead, no.”

“Did he rape her?”

He shakes his head, and at the chasing frown on his face, I don’t bother to ask. “Her contributions to the Alpha Project are no longer necessary.”

She wasn’t raped. She wasn’t killed. But something happened that she is no longer needed. My guess? The girl is now useless--that’s they only time a body is put out of service in this place, unless they’re dead, and that follows shortly after useless.

“What was the interaction with you and Titus earlier? The finger thing?” Doctor Ericsson lifts chin, staring down his nose toward where my finger is buried in my lap.

“I … cut myself.”

“May I see?” He reaches out his hand, and with trepidation, I set mine over his palm. Gripping the tip and the base of it, he twists in front of him, examining the wound. “That’s fairly deep. Looks like it could’ve used stitches. How did you manage such a clean cut?”

“I … was … I ...” I glance over to Medusa, whose eyes narrow on me as I stumble through an explanation. “Opening one of the crates in the kitchen. A nail was sticking up.”

His brows twitch, and he crosses his arms over his chest. “The next time you sustain an injury that causes significant bleeding, you’re to let me know. We’re dealing with human beings who enjoy bloodshed. He undoubtedly smelled it from across the room.”

Undoubtedly.

“If my binding is with Valdys, why wasn’t I rejected by Titus?”

“Ah, she has the curious mind of a scientist. It’s a wonderful trait.” He tips his head, his lips stretching into that greasy, snake-like smile. “Shame you’re a woman. But anyway, why, indeed. We chose to test Titus because he seems to be inexplicably loyal to Valdys.”

“How so?”

“During training, he’s stepped in front of Valdys a few times, seeming to protect him. Not that Valdys needs much protection. He is, after all, our best fighter.”

“What was he protecting him against?”

“Cadmus. So, naturally, it seemed to me that he would want to protect you. Which means, your scent is strong. Strong enough that I’m certain Valdys is just being stubborn.”

“How do you know it’s stubbornness? Maybe he genuinely doesn’t like me.”

“Well, that’s what we intend to test next, my dear.”

“How?”

His smile widens even more, and I can almost see the slime of venom dripping from his too-white teeth. “By seeing how he behaves while knowing you’ll be punished for his actions.”

CHAPTER 11

Four years ago

From a distance, I watch Bryani jerk forward in laughter, as she sits beneath a tree with her new friends. I wear the bruises of a fight, whereas she acts as if she’s never been around girls her age before, basking in the frivolity of small talk, while Ragers pace nearby. There were a couple of girls about her age back in our hive that she shied away from, yet here, she seems to accumulate more every day. We’ve been assigned the same barrack, so I hear her at night, giggling and whispering with them. I’ve chided her a few times, and awakened the next morning to dirty looks and more of the cold shoulder.

I don’t want to be jealous, but I miss the nights when she giggled and whispered with me. I envy her sense of belonging in this place that seems to reject everything about me. I need my sister.

My number is called in the monotone voice of a woman over the speaker. Bryani’s number follows mine, and she lifts her chin. I’m surprised she actually heard it over the girl chatter. Pushing up from her circle, she crosses the yard toward me, and for the first time in about a week, my sister and I walk unattended by a crowd.

“What is it, do you think?” she asks, glancing back, as if checking to make sure no one’s forgotten her in the last minute.

Shrugging, I try not to let my irritation get the best of me. This is the most I’ve gotten from Bryani in the last week. “Our assignments, maybe.”

“I hope I get scavenger duty. Eight-ninety-six says it’s fun and easy. All you do is pick through the clothes and look for anything valuable.”

I love my sister, but her youth makes her naive. “Have you seen the bodies wheeled on beds, Bree? You’re picking through dead people’s things.”

“They’re sick people. Ones who were infected with Dredge.”

“Were we sick when we arrived?” I grab her arm, forcing her to stop. “Don’t be stupid. Don’t you know what this place is? Why we’re here?”

“You don’t be stupid!” Wrenching her arm loose, she scowls back at me. “We don’t have a choice, so why not make the best of it? That’s what Momma always said. Make the best of every situation.”

I hate when she throws our mother in my face, and I know she blames me for her death. “Not here, Bryani. You have to be careful here. Keep your eyes open.”

“I do!” She presses her fingers and thumb at her eyes, widening them in mocking. “See?”

I feel sorry for Bryani, in some ways. At least when I was a child, our hive was strong. I could play for hours without the worry of raids and marauders, because their numbers were still fairly thin in the desert. I was watched by not only my mother, but my father, as well. He died when Bryani was an infant, in an attack from outsiders, which left my mother needing to be twice as vigilant. Bryani never really had much of a childhood. Her play was under the watchful and strict eye of my mother, burdened not only by the monsters who sought to ravage us, but the older men who coveted us for breeding.

Shaking my head, I walk away from her, toward our Barrack Leader’s office. Her name is Mistress Elspeth, a tall and stocky woman with stern eyes, whom I’ve come to refer to as Medusa. Another detail Bryani seems to be oblivious to, is the fact that this place is run like a prison. The kind of places Momma would show us in books, where bad people were locked away from the good.

Only thing is, we didn’t do anything wrong.

Once in Medusa’s office, we take a seat on the chair in front of her small, but tidy, desk.

She crosses her chubby fingers, and I have to wonder how this woman has so much meat on her in this place. The guards may certainly receive more food than we get, but the desert, as a whole, is always in a state of famine. “You’ve been assigned to your jobs. You’re to report directly there when you leave my office. In two days, you’ll have permanent barrack assignments.”

“Permanent barracks?” I swing my attention to Bryani, noticing how intently she seems to be listening, gaze on Medusa and hands fidgeting in her lap, as though she’s suddenly nervous.

Medusa’s eyes fall on my sister. “You’ve been assigned obstetrics. Different wing. Different barracks.” Like a machine, her gaze shifts to mine, lacking every ounce of compassion, or understanding, that my sister and I need to stay together in here. “You will work in the kitchen and remain in research. This wing.”

Shaking my head, I do my best to choke back the panic in my throat that’s begun to work its way into my eyes. “We … my sister and I … need to stay together. We’d like to stay in the same barracks.”

The woman’s eyes narrow, her expression unyielding. “I’m afraid that’s not possible.”

“I have to look out for her. I have to keep her safe. From the others.”

“Your sister has adjusted well. It seems to me it’s you who needs looking after.”

“Please. Don’t separate us.”

“It’s not my decision.” From beside her, she lifts an object that seems to be made of wood, and presses it onto a black pad. Flicking her fingers, she looks toward my sister, who raises her arm onto the desk without hesitation. The woman presses the object onto the back of her palm, and just like that, OBS is stamped there in big block letters. Medusa grabs a second object and flicks her fingers toward me, as well. KTC is stamped onto my skin, and I run my finger over the ink, which doesn’t smear away. “That will be all. You’re dismissed.”

“But … can I …. Can I go to obstetrics, too?” If I’m assigned to the same work area, I’ll be sent to the same barracks.

“No. And no further questions.”

“Please--”

“That will be all.” Her eyes burn with annoyance, as she speaks past clenched teeth.

In the one week I’ve been here, I’ve learned one thing about Medusa: I do not want to be on her bad side.

With a slight nod, I push up from the chair, and Bryani follows me out of the office. Shuffling after me, my sister can hardly keep up, as I stride through the hallway, desperate to hide the tears brimming in my eyes.

“Wait!” she calls out to me from behind. “Cali, wait!”

At the sound of my name, I stop and breathe hard to keep the tears away.

“It’s going to be okay. I’m going to be fine, okay? I can take care of myself.”

Tears slip down my cheeks at the idea that I will now have to sever the only role I’ve known since Bryani was small and could fit into my arms. The only role that made me feel important and necessary in this world that seems to have abandoned the idea of family. I don’t fight, or argue, as she tips her head to get my attention, brows winged up with expectation.

For her sake, I nod and wipe away my tears. “You’ll be okay.”

CHAPTER 12

Present day

A Legion soldier stands in the doorway of the kitchen’s back entrance. He looks out of place, lost, as he scans over the room from behind his mask, which most of them wear, as if searching for something.

Unpacking the canned goods onto a low shelf, I stare up at him, frowning.

He peels back the mask, revealing a clean-shaven, somewhat handsome face of a boy who’s not really a boy. Perhaps five, or six, years older than me. We don’t often see their faces. All of them look identical in their assigned uniform, aside from varying heights. It’s easy to forget there’s an actual person stuffed inside their suits.

“Can I help you?”

On occasion, Legion officers will request a piece of bread, or something to drink. In that case, it’s not considered stealing, and we’re to offer them whatever they ask for, albeit at the expense of another going without rations for the night, but most of them don’t care.

Legion are virtually untouchable here.

“Glass of water,” he says, before his tongue sweeps over his lips. “Now.”

Without any additional prompting, I push up from the floor and hustle toward the sink. Water spills from the faucet into the awaiting cup I hold beneath the stream. When I first arrived here, I’d never seen an actual working sink before. They were always somewhat useless structures found in abandoned buildings. As I understand it, this entire hospital is powered by enormous solar panels that also power a city beyond the wall of the hospital. Not one I’ve seen, of course. We’re not permitted to go beyond the wall, let alone breach the safety of what I’ve been told is paradise in the Deadlands.

Some have said Szolen is a myth, as just about every city was demolished with the spread of the Dredge pathogen. I believe it’s there, though. Where else would boys, like the one standing before me, wearing a smug grin as he accepts the proffered drink, learn to become so accustomed to others waiting on him?

Certainly isn’t like that out in the Deadlands. There, a boy who doesn’t know how to fetch his own water dies of thirst. Simple as that.

Eyes on me, he sets the cup to his mouth, while I wait to collect it from him. Casting my gaze away, I try to ignore the obnoxious gulp of his throat, as he guzzles the drink all at once. When it’s gone, he hands the cup to me. “Another.”

Tight-lipped and quiet, I nod and shuffle across the room to fill it again.

Standing at the sink, I watch the stream of water pour out of the spigot, and at the first brush across my neck, I freeze, the water spilling over the sides and splashing into the basin.

“I’ve not seen you before.” His whisper tickles my ear, and not in a good way. “How is that?”

“Not sure. I’ve been here quite a while now.”

“I’ve been assigned to B wing.” A soft caress to my arm startles my muscles, and I drop the cup into the basin with a clang. “Clumsy girl. Pick it up. Fill it again.”

“I’m Alpha Project.” Those three words have been my saving grace over the last few years, because for whatever reason, every soldier knows to stay away from the girls assigned to Alpha Project.

“And?”

Except this one, it seems.

His fingers skate lower, as he draws a line from my shoulder to my bicep and across to my breast. “Your tits were the first thing I noticed. Big and fleshy.” The moment his hand cups my breast, I hold my breath, my whole body falling into paralysis. This doesn’t happen to me. Every soldier knows Alpha subjects are off limits.

“Please,” I whisper. “Don’t do this.”

“I’ve a raid this afternoon. My first. I was hoping for some good luck.” His massaging of my flesh doesn’t cease, while he takes hold of my hand and guides it behind my back. A sizable bulge greets my fingertips when he smashes my hand against it. I flex my arm to tug it away from him, but he holds it steady, rubbing my hand over the fabric. “That’s it.” A shaky breath blasts from his mouth, falling hard against my neck. His fingers curl into my breast, massaging in the same strokes as my hand against his groin. “Give it a squeeze.”

“No.” Lip trembling, I try to hold back tears. I’ve heard about these encounters from the other girls.

Don’t fight it, they warned, as if I’d ever be subject to it. As if any soldier would be stupid enough to proposition an Alpha subject. The mere mention of my assignment typically results in instant disinterest, and I’ve never had to explain, nor endure, the humiliation of such a thing.

Until now.

Sharp pain radiates over my flesh with the digging of his nails, and I whimper, capping the scream cocked at the back of my throat. I heard of a girl who screamed for help once. One who reported her attacker to the Barrack Leader. The next night, she was stolen from her bunk and gang raped in the basement.

I don’t dare protest. Instead, I do as he insists, squeezing the bulge through the fabric, until his torment lessens, and he lets out a moan.

“Just like that, girl. A bit more.” His hips rub hard against my pants, his grip growing tight. Tighter. So tight, he bends my body over the sink, and I’m staring at our reflection in the bottom of the basin. His eyes are screwed shut, mouth gaping with his moans, nails digging into my breast, while he forces me to rub him through his pants.

Finally, he shudders a breath, and his body follows suit, shivering against my back. The dampness of his pants wets my palm, where he grinds his crotch into my hand, as though smearing the fluid gathered on the other side of the fabric. He allows me to release him, but his hand doesn’t immediately fall away. He bends around my body, leaning in to suck my nipple through the fabric of my shirt, and I hate the sensation of his mouth on me. Like a child, suckling at its mother.

He gives one pinch and straightens himself. “You belong to me, girl. Anyone else tries to touch you, you tell them you belong to Dean, understand?”

Tears blurring my eyes, I nod. Four years, I’ve managed to avoid this. Four years, I’ve belonged only to myself, and now, I’m the entertainment to a Legion soldier named Dean.

Hand trembling, I push a strand of hair behind my ear, as Medusa leads me into Valdys’s cell.

“You will make the effort this time.” Her voice seems colder, more harsh than usual, and I wonder what she earns from this. If there’s reward in store for her, if this little experiment is a success.

I can still smell the Legion officer on my skin. A nauseating scent of whatever soap he uses to wash. I tried to scrub it away in the kitchen earlier, but it’s in my clothes and my hair, clinging to me like a nightmare I can’t wish away. The scent turns my stomach as I enter the Alpha’s room, praying my mind can be distracted for just a few moments. Just a brief reprieve when I don’t have to hear those excited breaths in my ear, and feel the soldier’s hand pressed against mine, while forcing me to squeeze his cock.

I can’t imagine Roz enjoying such a thing with Kenny. I found the whole act repulsive. Standing just inside the entrance, I take a moment to gather myself and breathe. Before I fall into my usual spot against the wall, the shadows across the room stir into motion, and seconds later, Valdys comes into view, his big, imposing body looking tense and poised with irritation, his shoulders bunched forward. Perhaps he’s grown tired of these visits as much as I have.

He silently accosts me, and I gasp at the moment he’s standing over me, shrinking me. He hasn’t done this since our first meeting.

My mind slips into those moments from before, stood at the kitchen sink, feeling helpless and violated, and the thought that today might be the day Valdys does the same.

His helmet drags over my skin, the sound of his sniffing forced and abrupt. He lifts my hand, the same hand that stroked the soldier earlier, and he sniffs it, before throwing it to the side. The cold iron scrapes over my swollen breast, and I flinch at the tenderness where I was handled so roughly before. I want to crawl into myself and die right now, as Valdys somehow finds all of my invisible wounds, sniffing them out like shadows of pain, searching for explanation. Through the helmet, his eyes stare back at me, cold and dark, deep as waters, in which I fear to swim. With a grunt, he pushes off of me, kicking me back two steps, only exacerbating the horrid feelings of shame that won’t leave my head. Tears slip down my cheeks when he finally retreats to his shadows, leaving me as useless as I felt earlier today.

Minutes pass in silence, until the door clicks open, and the tension in my chest eases. I can finally go back to my room, my safe place, my bed, and unleash the tears I’ve fought to hold back since the moment that soldier touched me.

Legion officers enter the room with guns strapped across their chests.

More officers wait in the corridor, alongside Medusa, who waves me out.

“Come, girl,” she says. “Wait out here.”

Wiping tears from wet cheeks, I pad out of the room and into the corridor, just like the last time, and wait by Titus’s door.

With a shake of her head, Medusa tugs me away. “You’ll not be going into Titus’s room today.”

Leading me down the hallway, Medusa doesn’t so much as look back at me, and a sense of dread hits the pit of my stomach. Maybe she knows about the soldier. Maybe he told her what happened in the kitchen, that I performed sexual acts on him. Maybe it was a test to see if I’d allow him to use me that way.

Oh, God.

As we step into the elevator, I watch Legion soldiers lead Valdys out of the room, his body big and threatening, even surrounded by so many. Perhaps I ruined the experiment, and Valdys is no longer necessary. Maybe I’m no longer necessary, just like the girl assigned to Titus.

Every muscle in my body is shaking while I stand there, waiting for some explanation to magically appear. The elevator door finally closes, and I swallow past the dryness in my throat, lifting my gaze to Medusa.

“Is something wrong?” My voice is small and weak, brimming with the tears I still haven’t shed.

“There’s been a change of plans.”

Change of plans. Change of mind. Change of subjects. My mind races with the meaning of her words, losing to the confusion that knocks me off balance.

“Am I … in trouble?”

Stern eyes, more vacant than before, fall on me only briefly, before she turns back toward the elevator doors. “That’s yet to be seen.”

CHAPTER 13

Four years ago

Nights are hardest in this place. During the day, I have the distraction of things constantly moving. Bodies being wheeled through the halls--to surgery, to the incinerator. I can spot the difference, because the incinerator-bound bodies are usually covered by a sheet. Then there’s the observation of familiar faces that don’t show up for supper the next day, or whose bed goes empty, before being quickly filled by a new face.

The occasional fight breaks out, and that’s always somewhat engrossing, particularly when subjects are dragged off and never seen after.

But nights are something else. Nights are when this place goes pitch black. When the cries bleed through the walls. Nights are when I miss my sister’s giggles and whispers, and I’m left thinking too much about what will happen to the two of us.

I have nightmares about it, and sometimes, I swear those screams sound like my sister, but then I see her at supper the next day, and all is okay again.

Until night.

“Hey! Girl!” The whispered voice belongs to the girl in the bunk next to me. The freckly one who attacked me the first day here. Some call her Lee, others Neela. Some by her number that I’ve since forgotten. Aside from some occasional glares, she hasn’t bothered me since that day in the yard, but at the first brush against my arm, my muscles tense, and I twist around in my bed, hands balled to a fist and ready to swing out.

“You work in the kitchen, right?”

Staring into the blackness with confusion she undoubtedly can’t see, I nod. “Yeah.”

“You’ll bring us two pieces of bread. After supper tomorrow.”

Stealing bread from the kitchen is one of the worst offences, and results in severe punishment. I know this, because the kitchen leader told me at least a half dozen times during my first day on the job. So, why the hell would I risk my butt for this girl?

“What do I get out of that?”

“Protection. You need people in this place. I know boys here. And older girls. Girls who know your sister.”

I freeze at that, hope blooming inside my chest. Even if I can’t be physically near Bryani, perhaps I can still offer her a watchful eye, even if it isn’t mine. “Her barracks?”

“Yeah. My friend works transport. Down there all the time. You bring the two of us bread each night, I’ll make sure you and your sister are looked after.”

Contemplating this for a moment, I mentally weigh the consequences of stealing against the real possibility that someone could hurt my sister. “It’s a deal,” I whisper back. “They’ll be under your pillow.”

I glance around the kitchen for any sign of the guards, or kitchen leader, and tuck the chunks of bread into the waistband of my pants. If this place doesn’t want anyone stealing food, they shouldn’t make it so easy. Anyone ambitious enough could clear the place out, if they wanted to, and were willing to face whatever punishment that would follow. I clean the drain catch, staring down at the soft pieces of bread and bits of soggy, wet beans. Even this would fill someone’s stomach, if they were hungry enough, and I don’t scoff at the idea.

That could very well be me.

I spill the sodden food into the compost bin that has begun to smell, permeating through the kitchen.

A hand taps my shoulder, and I startle, turning to see my kitchen leader standing behind me. Slightly taller and lean, she often wears a smile, in spite of this place. I can’t imagine why, seeing as she carries more scars than any woman I’ve seen here.

“Congratulations, you’ve made it through the first week of kitchen duty,” she says, and crosses her arms. “Make sure you grab an extra piece of bread before you go tonight.”

Something slides down my leg, creeping it’s way along my thigh, to my shin, and I stiffen in horror, as it occurs to me the piece of bread I grabbed has wriggled loose.

“Yes, ma’am.”

“I never asked you. Where’d you come from?”

The bread falls to the floor, but doesn’t seem to break her attention, and I use my feet to slide it behind me. “I’m sorry?”

“Your hive. Where did you come from?”

“Northeast. Far. My hive was raided.”

“Ragers?”

I nod, crossing my arms in front of me to be sure the other piece of bread still sits tucked in my waistband. “A horde.”

“A horde came through my hive, as well.” Her gaze lowers from mine, and she frowns. “You plan to take that with you?”

A zap of terror winds down my spine, and rolling my shoulders back, I try to think of an excuse for why I’d hide the bread.

She bends forward and nabs the drain catch from my fingers. “Not sure what use this would be.” She chuckles and pats me on the shoulder. “I’ll take it back to the sink for you. Have a good night.”

“Have a … good night.” As she walks off, I lower myself to the floor and pick up the piece of bread, scraping off the small bits of dirt, before tucking it back into my band. The breath that shivers out of me carries all the tension of the last five minutes.

Once back at the barracks, I slip the bread beneath Neela’s pillow when the other girls aren’t looking, and crawl into my bed.

Minutes later, Neela and her friend return to the barracks, eyes on me, as they make their way to their bunk. Reaching under her pillow, Neela smiles and gives a nod.

I nod in return.

“Light’s out!” Medusa calls from the door of the barracks, and she performs her usual sweep, eyes scanning for anything unusual. By the time she reaches our end of the room, she pauses, trailing her gaze over our beds in the most harrowing twenty seconds of my life.

“No talking tonight,” she says, before retreating back into the hallway, closing the door behind her.

In the blackness of the room, I blow out a shaky breath and close my eyes.

CHAPTER 14

Present day

Medusa leads me past a guard, and into a room I’ve never been to before. A large screen sits on a cart of some sort, at the head of a circular table. Medusa points to one of the chairs at the table, and I sit down, my knees knocking together.

Men in white lab coats file in, some of their faces familiar from my weekly checkups. Others, I’ve never seen before. Why would they be here? Why am I here?

As the table becomes crowded, my nerves kick into high alert, and somehow, I feel smaller.

Medusa takes a seat beside me, and the low hum of chatter fills the room, the occasional glance in my direction setting my teeth on edge.

Doctor Ericsson is the last to enter, and he makes his way to a chair beside the screen. “Gentleman.” His beady eyes fall on me, and he smiles. “And ladies, our troops are en route to a hive we’ve been following for a while now. For years, they’ve acted as allies, but as I understand, they’ve grown increasingly belligerent. It seems they’ve taken sides with the band of rebels who refer to themselves as Skulls. These rebels are responsible for the attacks on our Legion officers, led by, what we think, might be a former Alpha who escaped the compound a few years back. We’ve taken the liberty of planting a camera on one of our soldiers, in hopes of getting a good look at the rebels. I’ve not had the opportunity to review this footage yet, as it was turned over by one of the surviving officers who fled the attack. Our Alpha, Valdys, managed to take out some of the rebels, as well as a few of the members of the hive. And as I understand, he was the first to come upon the officer who filmed the attack.” Turning away, he flips on the screen, and my stomach sinks at the sight of the soldier who cornered me earlier in the day. “This is officer Dean Griffin who was recently assigned to B wing.”

The smile on the officer’s face disappears, as he tugs his mask over his head, and the camera switches from him to a view of the desert, setting my stomach at ease. Lines of Legion soldiers, all dressed in black, march across the sand toward a mountain off in the distance. I squint my eyes, trying to discern why the landmark seems so familiar to me.

Dryness hits the back of my throat, and I cough, drawing Doctor Ericsson’s attention, who points to Medusa. “Get her a glass of water, will you?”

Water.

The soldiers make their way up a path in the mountain, the heavy breaths of Dean, as he climbs up the rock, twisting my gut. Ahead of him, I catch sight of Valdys, who turns just long enough to make me wonder why he’s so seemingly intrigued by the camera. Once on the other side of the mountain, the men march their way toward a circle of tents set in the clearing. One I’ve seen before.

Familiar.

Men come pouring out of the tents like hot water raining on a hill of ants, and the camera begins to shake, as I presume Dean sets off on a dead run.

Chaos breaks. In the camera’s view, over Dean’s shouts and sickening heavy breaths, we watch as Legion soldiers attack the hive. Gunfire echoes. Women and children scream. In the distance, I see some kind of animal swipe out at a soldier.

A wildcat.

The back of a woman’s head comes into view, and I realize Dean is chasing after her. “Come here, bitch!” His voice is muffled by the mask that must still cover his face. “Excuse my French, sirs.”

A hand reaches out from the camera, grabbing dark cropped hair, and he yanks hard enough to knock her to the ground. “Gotcha!”

Scuffling knocks the camera to the side. All I see is limbs flying. Boots. Dirt kicking up into clouds. Dean grunts and laughs. “Mmmm. How’s that for you, baby?”

A palm moves in front of the camera, righting its view again, and we’re looking at the woman’s hands tied behind her back. When he flips her over, my heart catches in my throat.

I know this woman.

Dina.

The one who betrayed Bryani and me. I should feel a sense of justice, seeing her captured, but instead, I feel sorry for her. It’s inexplicable, considering she’s the reason we’re here, except I know enough that grown women captured from the Deadlands don’t tend to fare well, or for long, in this place.

“You’re going to love Calico, bitch. The accommodations are great, and the food is delicious.”

Dina spits in his face, and the camera rattles, followed by a hard smack that kicks her head to the side.

“Well,” Doctor Ericsson interrupts, turning to face his colleagues in the room. “His delivery needs work, but I’d consider this a successful capture.”

The men in the room laugh, and only Medusa and I remain silent. I turn to see her shift in her chair, and I wonder if watching this makes her as uncomfortable as it does me. If perhaps she was captured the same way once.

I wonder if Medusa has a heart, after all.

Movement flickers in the corner of the camera, and the room falls quiet again.

“Oh.” Doctor Ericsson sits forward in his chair, his voice full of intrigue. “Perhaps we’ll get a glimpse of the escaped Alpha here.”

A shadowy figure moves forward, and the camera pans up.

“Hey! Get back to the raid!”

A helmet comes into view, and I catch Doctor Ericsson shaking his head.

“Valdys,” he says with some disappointment, waving his hand in dismissal.

The monstrous beast stands there, hands curled in fists at his side.

The camera pans closer.

“Get the fuck back to the raid! That’s an order!”

Still, Valdys doesn’t move.

“Move, you dimwitted beast!” Doctor Ericsson says, as he watches on. “Why is he not following the damn orders?” His eyes shoot to mine, brows winging up. “This is precisely why you’re here, girl!”

Behind Doctor Ericsson, I see Valdys’s arm strike out, and the camera rattles.

Dean’s grunts and gags add a harrowing soundtrack to the view of Valdys, tipping his helmet-clad head, as though intrigued.

Crystals of ice wind around my spine, as Valdys lifts Dean’s hand, the same one that groped me, pressing it against the nose hole in his helmet. He then lifts the other hand--the one that held my palm to the soldier’s bulging erection, and sniffs that one, too, before throwing it away as dismissively as he threw mine back in his room.

His helmet lifts toward the camera again.

“Please … “ Dean’s choked voice can hardly be heard over the growls rumbling from Valdys. “Please, do--”

The camera falls to the ground, bouncing back and forth, until it stills, facing upward and aimed at where Valdys holds an outstretched hand toward Dean’s hoisted body. The Legion officer’s black boots dangle above the lens and his chest curves out just enough that we can’t see his face.

In the next breath, Dean’s body crumples to the ground beside the camera, and where there should be a head is nothing but a bloody stump of meat and bone.

Gasps fill the room, and Doctor Ericsson leaps out of his chair. “What in God’s name!”

What must be Dina screaming in the background echoes over a tug at my throat that begs for me to scream, too.

The trembles begin mild, until my entire body is cold, hollow and shaking. The view begins to shrink before my eyes, the blackness widening it’s reach, pulling me into the void.

CHAPTER 15

Four years ago

From the window of the commissary, I stare out at the yard, where Bryani sits surrounded by her friends. Head tipped back, I watch a laugh rip from her throat, one that mirrors the other girls. They love her. Even if she looks thinner than when we first arrived at this place, it doesn’t seem to have broken her in the same way as it’s breaking me each day.

Three times a week, I report down to the labs for testing. I’ve asked her if she’s had to endure anything like it, and she assures me she hasn’t. Those are the only moments, in passing, that I steal the opportunity to talk to her, to see what her life has been here.

I can’t even say how long we’ve been here. The weather has shifted from scorching hot, to cooler in the day, so I’m guessing it’s winter, but the change from day to day is so subtle, I hardly notice anymore.

“Hey, you gonna stand there, or are you coming with us?” Neela comes up from behind me, and when I turn, she peers out the window, undoubtedly aware of what I was looking at moments ago.

“It’s better, you know,” she says, not bothering to look at me.

“What?”

“That you sever ties now. Makes it easier.”

“Makes what easier?” I frown back at her, trying to determine if she has as much nerve as I think. I’ve grown to like Neela over the weeks. She’s welcomed me into her group of friends, which is a necessity in this place. A loner here is basically dead. Within weeks, usually. If the bullies don’t get them, the rejection will, eventually. But her comment is crossing a line to which not even the comfort of belonging is immune.

Her gaze falls on me, appraising me for a moment, as if she’s gauging my temper, and she shakes her head. “Nothing. C’mon. They’re going to be gone.”

Rolling my eyes, I give one more glance toward my sister, who meets my gaze from across the yard and waves back at me. With a solemn smile, I nod, and follow after Neela, who leads me down to the girls’ bathroom.

A group of girls are gathered around a small hole in the wall, and Neela tells one of the girls to cut the lights out. Giggles echo through the stalls, cut short when Neela tells them, “Shhhh!” She kneels down and presses her face to the wall.

Voices can be heard on the other side of the barrier, where the utility room lies. Neela waves me over, and I crouch down beside her, considerably less enthusiastic about this, and peer through the hole.

On the other side, the lights flip on, and I see Shoshanna enter with one of the doctors I recognize as one of three who examine me every week. She strides across the room toward a table, and as if she’s done it a million times, she pulls down her pants and bends over for him. The doctor springs himself free, and seconds later, he’s buried inside of her, slamming his hips against her backside with the slap of skin, and grunts chasing each thrust.

She can’t be more than thirteen.

“I told you that bitch had privileges. Fucking a doc? When was the last time she was sent to the lab?”

“I want to see!” one of the girls beside me whispers. When she nudges me out of the way, I let her. I can’t stand to keep watching a grown man using a young girl that way, but Neela’s words strike a chord of curiosity.

“They don’t send her to the lab? She doesn’t undergo any testing?” I ask, scooting away from the wall to allow the other girls who gather for a peek.

“Fuck, no, she doesn’t. Couple bangs a week, and she’s needle free.”

I pause to absorb her words for a moment, and turn to see the girl spying on them pull away from the wall. “Done already. Can you believe that shit? Not even two whole minutes.”

Not even two whole minutes a few times a week, and she’s excused from having to report to the labs. It’s something I dread every week, and the churning in my stomach tells me it’s almost time.

“Every day at lunch they’re in there, fucking, done before the bell sounds.”

“Are you sure?” I can’t take my eyes off the hole in the wall, imagining me on the other side, the source of curiosity for spying eyes. “I mean, no one gets out of the experiments, right? Everyone has to participate.”

“Ask her yourself, if you don’t believe me. But guaranteed?” Neela crosses her arms over her chest. “That bitch will be in the barracks before any one of us gets back.”

“Does Medusa know?”

“Doubt it. She doesn’t believe in special favors.”

The horn blares, sounding the end of lunch, and all the girls scatter out of the bathroom, but I’m not so anxious to leave. It means I’m to report to the lab.

Back flat against the wall, I allow one of the medical technicians to record my height. “Up a half an inch from when you first got here.”

But down about ten pounds, too, and it’s not like I had much meat on my bones to begin. I follow her into one of the examination rooms in a routine I’ve become all too familiar with. Handing me a gown, she smiles, as if she hasn’t done this a dozen times before, as if she doesn’t know what happens when I slip this gown on and she closes the door. Accepting the garment, I stand in the room and wait until she leaves. A low-lying vibration hums in my chest, sending a quiver just below my skin. At three times a week, I should be used to this now, but nothing can make me immune to these studies.

A little over a month ago, I walked in for a checkup, and the doctor told me I was to be sent to the incinerator within two weeks time. It was only after the two-week timeframe, when I suffered a panic attack in the hallway and blacked out on the way to what I thought would be my final check up, that I was told it was nothing more than an observation. To see how my stress levels affected my reproductive and menstrual cycles.

They toy with us here because they can. Because there is no regulatory entity that tells them what they do here is wrong or unethical.

We’re savages to them. Animals, basically. The experiments they perform on me, in their eyes, are no different than them being performed on a rodent who happens to talk.

Slipping out of my uniform and into my gown, I wait to hoist myself up onto the examination table, eyes on the stirrups that spread me open for the doctor. Before I arrived here, I’d never been looked at down there by anyone, especially a doctor. I didn’t understand why that part of my body was so important to their studies of finding cures. It isn’t, really. As I understand, the third generation serve as nothing but a means to observe and create predictive models of how the Dredge will affect future generations. Which in turn, feeds their quest for the cure.

My role is so insignificant here, so obscure, I don’t even matter.

The door clicks open, and I turn to see Doctor Samuels holding a file in his hand that has grown thicker with each passing week. He adjusts his glasses and smiles, taking a seat at the end of the examination table, but all I can think about are his hips railing into Shoshanna’s behind.

“C’mon now, up you go. We don’t have all day.”

My stomach twists as I climb up onto the table and lie back, setting my heels in their proper place on each rest. Gathering my hands atop my gown between my thighs does little to shield what is completely exposed to him.

“Any changes from last week?” he asks, slipping on a pair of gloves that he snaps against his skin, reminding me of those slapping sounds from earlier.

“None.”

“No bleeding, pain, difficulty in urinating.”

“No.”

“Any pressure, or discomfort, while sitting, or performing physical activity?”

“No.”

“Good. Now, let’s have a look.”

The moment he says the words, my heart picks up speed. I know what’s coming. Pokes. Prods. And then the injection, which is the most excruciating of anything. The pain is so intense, it often causes me to black out, and the hours that follow are miserable. Worse than whatever they do in the surgical ward, where they put me to sleep first.

“Doctor ...” I interrupt, and immediately regret it. I don’t know how to formulate the words that beg to spill from my lips. Ones that leave me feeling both sick and hopeful. I’ve spent the last hour imagining a week when I wouldn’t have to come in for these checkups.

“Yes.” The tone of his voice is both expectant and perhaps a small bit irritated. “What is it?”

“I .. um.” What is it, Cali? What do you say? I saw you violating another girl. I understand you made a deal with a girl. I want to be used, so I never have to lie on this table again.

“Well, what is it, girl? I have other subjects waiting on me.”

“Is there … some way I can be … excused from this?”

His brows furrow, and he tips his head. “Are you not feeling well today?”

I could tell him no, but I’d be right back in here next week. “I, um … that’s not what I mean.” I wish I could set my feet down while I do this, because there’s something quite undignified about propositioning an older man with my private parts flashing in his face. It makes my stomach twist, to imagine his wrinkled face, set below graying hair, twisted up in pleasure while he slams his hips into me, and I have to school my face to keep from grimacing. “I saw you with Shoshanna.” The words tumble out of my mouth before I can stop them, and when he lifts his nose in the air, jaw shifting with obvious discomfort, I have to turn my gaze from his. “I won’t tell anyone. But ... I know she’s been excused each week.”

“And where exactly did you … see what you think you saw?” His response is exactly as I expected, and if I’m not careful, it might be cause to send me off to the incinerators for real this time.

“In the girls’ bathroom outside of the Commissary.” I rub my wrist, my stomach churning with what I plan to ask him next. Much as I wish I could go back and rewind this awkward exchange, I can’t. At this point, he may think I’m trying to blackmail him, or threatening him. “Can I … make a deal with you, as well?”

He lifts up off his stool just enough to scoot it forward, and leans in, his proximity stirring the nausea in my stomach. “There is no deal with Shoshanna,” he says in a low voice, his eyes brimming with warning. “And even if there was, you’re an Alpha subject. I’d be out of my mind to do such a thing.”

“What … what do you mean by that? What makes me so different from the others?”

“You serve a different purpose. That’s the only thing that makes you different from the other savages here. Now …” Keeping his eyes on me, he reaches for my hand, resting his palm over top of it. “Should you say a word of this to anyone …” His palm tightens around my hand, crushing my bones, and when I let out a whimper, a flash of amusement dances across his otherwise stern eyes. “I will see to it that you are sent to the incinerators by day’s end. Are we clear?”

Attention shifting between him and my crushed hand, I fervently nod. “I won’t say a word.”

“Good.” Wheeling himself back down to the foot of the bed, he takes his place between my splayed legs. A cold metal object is inserted into me, more harshly than before, and I shift with discomfort as it scrapes over my insides.

“Hold still!” he barks up at me, as he cranks it open. Jabbing his fingers rougher than usual, he performs his exam, and I lie staring at the cracks in the ceiling, feeling the trickle of tears slide down my temples. He reaches for a long needle set out on the counter and removes the cap.

My breaths shudder out of me, while the rush of panic slams through my veins. One quick pinch, and the burning sets in, reaching up into my belly, like a flaming snake, making its way toward my chest. I cry out, seizing with the agony that radiates over my womb. Like broken glass scraping across my insides, the pain intensifies, shooting through my thighs and back.

“I’m not going to lie, girl,” he says, sniffing his gloves before he removes them. “Under any other circumstances, I would’ve made a deal with you.” He pats the inside of my thigh and pauses to run his hand up and down my skin. “But I suppose I’ll just have to keep that to myself.”

Another zap of pain jolts me off the pillow, and when I come back down, his face is the last thing I see before the blackness closes in.

CHAPTER 16

Present day

“Did you allow him to touch you?” Doctor Ericsson’s eyes drill into mine, as I lay bent over the round wooden barrel, my bare breasts pressed against the hard and unforgiving wood.

“No,” I answer through tears. Burns slice across my back, the damage only partially numbed by my body’s need to push the pain away. “He … approached me. In the kitchen.”

“And did you not tell him you were part of the Alpha Project?”

“I did.” I sniff and swallow, closing my eyes, as what must be blood trickles down my naked rib cage.

“And?”

“He forced me to touch him, anyway.”

“Lies,” he says through clenched teeth. “Lies!” Gaze angled upward, he gives a sharp nod.

“No!” My words fail to halt the searing flame that strikes my back, and I grip tight to the wooden barrel beneath me, tensing as the agony radiates along my spine, like needles jabbing the bone. I cry out, tears spilling onto my arm, as my whole body trembles.

Doctor Ericsson steps out of view, and I catch sight of Valdys, flanked by two Legion officers at either side of him, and Medusa, both sitting on chairs across from me. An audience to my humiliation.

The easy rise and fall of Valdys’s chest tells me he’s unaffected by my flogging. Perhaps even enjoying it, and I’m grateful for the helmet, so I don’t have to see his smug face.

“Because of you, we lost a very promising soldier. Because of you, we lost a female subject.” Apparently, Valdys let Dina go, and suddenly, I don’t feel so sorry for her anymore. “And because of your carelessness and curiosity, our Alpha was distracted. Do you realize the gravity of that? How many could’ve been hurt in his absence?”

I can’t take my eyes off Valdys, and the sight of what I surmise as apathy toward my punishment unravels something dark in my gut. “Perhaps he shouldn’t have been so stupid,” I blurt before I can stop myself.

Another hard crack comes down against my spine, rattling my teeth, and through tears, I catch the curling of Valdys’s fingers around the arm of the chair.

“I didn’t make him kill Dean. He enjoyed killing him,” I spit out.

A strike, so hot it feels cold, licks my flesh, and I grind my teeth, eyes screwing shut to tears, as I wait for the shock to numb it.

When I open my eyes again, I see Valdys shift in his chair.

“Valdys is trained to kill when necessary. That’s like saying I enjoy punishing you.”

My gaze slides toward the doctor, and if my eyes could shoot forth the venom coursing through me right now, he’d be a dead man. “Don’t you?”

“Of course, not.” With a sigh, he twirls his fingers and shakes his head.

The Legion officer who’s doled out my beating for the last hour takes hold of my arms, and I flinch on contact, watching him remove my bindings. Too weak to move, I let my arms fall to either side of me, as I remain draped over the wooden barrel, feeling the blood pulse back into my fingertips.

Doctor Ericsson shuffles toward Valdys, and even sitting, the beast stands taller than him. “Perhaps you’d like to carry your female to the infirmary so they can see to her wounds.”

His female. The thought of that makes my stomach sicker than the flogging I suffered on his behalf.

Setting his palms against his thighs, Valdys pushes to his feet, prompting the four Legion guards to jolt up, as well.

Looming over the doctor, he turns toward me only briefly, before he strides past him. Out of the room, with the Legion officers following after him.

While I lie on my side, Roz strokes my hair and whispers a song, as she curls up beside me, keeping a gap between my bloodied back and her body. I know the song well. It’s one my mother sometimes sang, from the days before the Dredge when music was everywhere. Momma once told me people listened to music in their cars, and on small devices she called cellphones, which they carried around, and I imagine the air filled with all kinds of music, drifting on currents like petals caught up in the wind.

“I’m sorry this happened to you.” Roz rests her head against the back of my neck, and more tears spill down my cheeks. It was Roz who wheeled me out of recovery after the nurses sealed the deeper wounds in my back. It hurts to breathe, stretching my cuts every time I inhale.

I close my eyes, and all I see is Valdys, sitting across from me. In one strike, he could’ve taken out every one of those Legion officers, as easily as tin cups lined along the countertop. Instead, he sat impassive.

Unaffected.

Unmovable.

It takes two days for the pain to subside enough that I can get out of bed on my own. Two days of thinking. Two days of crying. Two days of wishing I would fall into deep sleep and never wake. I sit across from Doctor Ericsson, leaning slightly forward, so as not to rub my back against the chair.

He slides an object toward me, across his desk, and I stare down at a ring of multi-colored beads. “A gift from your sister.”

I frown at that, hesitating at first to accept it from him.

He jerks his head toward the bracelet. “Go on, then. Put it on.”

Careful not to disrupt my wounds, I reach forward and lift the bracelet from his desk, sliding it onto my wrist alongside the other.

“Mistress Elspeth told her about your punishment. She thought a gift from your sister might brighten your spirits a little.”

I don’t bother to look at Medusa beside me, because I know it’s a lie. Bryani probably has no idea I was whipped, and if she does, she certainly wouldn’t accept the reasoning for it. I still can’t, but I thank her for the bracelet, anyway.

“Can I see her? My sister?”

“Of course not. She’s very busy caring for patients.”

She’s fourteen. I doubt her involvement in their care is anything more than cleaning up after them and offering the occasional sponge bath. “Just a minute, or two. Nothing more.”

“I’m sorry, but that’s not possible. And besides, we can’t go adding other variables right now. You’ve already compromised the experiment with the soldier. Or have you forgotten already?”

“No. Maybe just a video, then? Of her?”

His gaze skates to Medusa and back to me. “I’ll think about it. In the meantime, I want you to work harder on Valdys. His display of aggression was tragic, but it’s progress. He’s showing signs of jealousy, which is very promising for you.”

“Promising for me? How is any of this promising for me?”

“Need I remind you? The more he becomes attached, the less likely you’ll be punished.”

Tears fill my eyes as a weak laugh spills past my lips. “He won’t become attached. Why would he? You’ve destroyed him! You’ve destroyed whatever small bit of humanity was left in him! Did you not see the video? How easily and remorselessly he murdered that soldier?”

“For you!”

“He didn’t do it for me! He did it because he was trained to enjoy killing! By you!”

A cold, hard smack smarts my cheek, and I set my hand to the tingling flesh there.

“Watch your tone, girl,” Medusa snaps.

“Your sister is a very agreeable young woman. She works hard. Doesn’t complain. Has a number of friends with whom she’s become very close.” His description of Bryani brings more tears to my eyes, and my heart aches with how much I miss her. “I would hate to see something happen to such a fine worker.”

The implications embedded in his words slices through my conscience, as I stare back at him. “What are you saying?”

“I’m saying obedience follows a delicate chain. To reach Valdys, perhaps we need to ensure your loyalty first.”

“Please don’t hurt her.”

“Promise me you’ll try harder with Valdys. That you’ll make more of an effort.”

Lowering my gaze in defeat, I nod. “I will. I swear it.”

CHAPTER 17

Four years ago

“Hey.” The voice draws my attention to where Bryani stands, holding out a bowl for me.

I dip the ladle into the beans and water, filling it more than the last one I dished out, and spoon it into her bowl. “Hi.”

“I lost a tooth today.” She smiles and tips her head to the side, showing me the gap where one of her last baby teeth should be. “Pulled it out myself, and Doctor Wyatt gave me a piece of candy. Peppermint.”

“That’s great.” It’s hard to push a smile out while my eyes are examining her, noticing the lack of bruises and cuts, but the prominence of her bones. I’m certain I look a mess in her eyes, even if the meat I’ve been offered with my soup keeps the sharp curves of my bones from poking through.

A nudge from the girl beside her kicks her to the side a step, and she moves on to grab a spoon. “I miss you.”

Ladling soup into the next bowl, I feel the first sting of tears at the rims of my eyes and clear my throat. “I miss you, too.”

It’s the most I’ve interacted with my sister in weeks. As I become more and more consumed by this place, she grows busier, more distant. Her visits to the Commissary have shifted beyond my lunchbreak and into my working hours. Where once upon a time, she was my closest confidante, my whole world, now we’re nothing more than passing strangers. Aside from these small encounters, where she offers random bits of her life here, I no longer know much, at all, about her. If she cries at night the way I do. If she thinks about our mother as frequently as I do. If anything from before still matters to her.

The sound of approaching footsteps breaks my musings, and I look up to see two soldiers at either side of Neela.

The girls in the food line part, giving them space, and it’s then I notice tears in Neela’s eyes.

“This subject was found hiding food in her bed!” The guard’s voice thunders through the Commissary, and the chatter dies down around us. He points a finger toward me, and I feel a grip on my shoulder.

Tight knots of dread twisting in my gut, I turn just enough to see the kitchen leader standing behind me.

“Is this who supplied you with the bread?” Head tipped toward Neela, the guard bends forward, practically in her face in one of their intimidating moves.

My chest turns cold, hands sweaty, and my pulse rate struggles to keep up with my nervous breathing.

Neela shakes her head, to my surprise. We’ve grown to be friends, but perhaps I didn’t quite gather to what extent she values our friendship. “No, Sir.”

“I find it a little convenient that the two of you share the same barracks. Sleep in close proximity of each other.”

“I swear it wasn’t her.”

“Then, how exactly did you manage to get your hands on the bread?”

“I took it.”

“Is this true?” His question prompts me to lift my gaze, and when I do, his eyes are drilling into me, tearing up my conscience in small bits.

A quick glance at Neela, and I catch a subtle nod, so slight, I question if she meant it for me. Still, my gaze flicks from her to the blade he slides out of a holster at his side, and whatever courage there might be left in me fizzles away, at the visual of him pressing that blade down into my fingers and slicing them away from my knuckles.

I slide my gaze to the left, where Bryani stands at the end of the line holding her bowl, her eyes wide with horror. I can’t let her see them do this to me. Whatever she’s done to keep this place from touching her, ruining her, will be shadowed by the sight of them removing my fingers as a warning to others. With the weight of shame bearing down on me, I nod back toward the soldier.

“Very well.” He yanks Neela forward and flattens her hand onto the counter in front of me.

Oh, God, no.

Screams echo over the hums and gasps, and I can’t bring myself to look at Neela, as she cries and wriggles in the soldier’s grasp.

“Please! I won’t do it again! I beg you! Please!” Her pleas are the cries from hell that beat against my skull, and I will myself to close my eyes, to shut them out, as he lines the blade across her flattened fingers.

But I can’t.

“Wait!” Before I can stop myself, I reach out and grab his arm. “Please.” Deep breaths can’t bat away the dizzying calm that settles over me, as if my body is acting on its own, without any direction from my head. “She didn’t steal it. I did.”

Its only reflex that encourages me to look him in the eye, and when I do, something evil shadows his stare. He gives a nod toward the kitchen leader, but it’s another soldier standing behind me who takes hold of my arm, splaying my fingers across the table beside Neela’s. Through panicked breaths, I look up to her and back down at our fingers that, in seconds, will be severed from our hands. “No, please,” I whine, knowing my protests are futile. “Please don’t do this. I’m begging you to be merciful, please.”

Hot liquids splash against my uniform, and the soldier’s grip loosens.

“Leave her alone!” Bryani cries out, and she jumps up onto the counter. In an act of sheer lunacy, she charges toward us and jumps onto the guard’s back.

A roar of shouts follow, and chunks of bread fly through the air, toward the guards, as the other girls in the Commissary launch an attack.

I spin around to see my sister, clinging to the soldier’s back, as he spins and claws at her arms.

She bites his ear, and he bellows, reaching back to grab hold of her face. She must bite his hand, because he jerks it forward, before launching it back, smacking her in the head.

I lunge toward him, taking hold of his arm before he can hit her again, and the movement knocks him off balance. He tumbles toward the floor, and on impact, Bryani releases him. I steal the opportunity to stomp my foot into his groin, and on a shriek, he cups himself, rolling over to his side.

Smiling down at my sister, I reach to help her up to her feet.

She smiles back.

A crack echoes through the Commissary, and at first, I don’t know where it comes from. I glance around, noticing the girls who cling to the other soldier, tormenting him with their clawing and kicking. Other girls go still, as if they heard it, too.

Another crack, and my gaze snaps toward Bryani, whose hand slips out of mine. She falls backward onto the white tiles, where a shadow of red has begun to crawl from beneath her body. It grows bigger and bigger, spreading farther out from her.

A force strikes the back of my head, so hard it sends a painful fizz up into my sinuses, and my vision blanches to a pale white. Pain cracks against my cheek, and I realize I’m lying on the floor. The room spins around me, but I manage to set my sights on Bryani, who lies beside me. When I reach out for her, my arm slides across a pool of wetness, and I take her hand. Tears fill her eyes, so wide with fear, and I can’t tell if it’s the white haze from before, but her face seems to be paler, more gaunt.

“Cali?” Blue lips tremble as she lies clutching my hand. “I feel cold. So cold.”

The corners of my vision are closing in on me, shrinking the scene before me to streaks of reds, whites, and blues.

“Bryani?” I feel her hand slip out of mine, and I blink hard, catching a glimpse of soldiers dragging her across the kitchen floor. “Bryani!” Clawing at the tiles, I force myself toward her, following the path of blood left behind. “Bryani, wait!”

Her feet disappear around the corner, into the corridor.

Through tears, I hoist myself forward again. “Bryani!”

They never come back when they’re dragged away.

CHAPTER 18

Present day

I stare off toward the corner of the room, where the nothingness hides in the shadows. Not the nothingness. The massive pain in my ass. Literally.

Lips tight to cap my frustration, I lower my gaze to my hands, resting atop my crossed legs. For the last twenty minutes, we’ve sat in silence, and every minute that passes is a threat to my sister.

Bastard hasn’t even apologized for the punishment I took on his behalf.

Any second now, Medusa’s going to come crashing through that door and escort me down to a disappointed Doctor Ericsson. All because this beastly jerk won’t play along.

“I know you can talk behind that mask. Everyone says your mouths are sewn shut, but I know that’s bullshit. So talk.”

His silence follows, stoking the ire already burning inside of me.

Further proof that the man didn’t kill Dean for me. He didn’t kill him out of jealousy. He saw an opportunity to act out, and he seized it.

But to test that theory, I’ll need to prod him a little. “I don’t know why they didn’t just assign me to Titus.” Tipping my head back, I rest my crown against the wall, eyes skating to the side, watching for any sign of attack. “He was so much more … welcoming. And he talked. And he was gentle.”

The sound of shifting is a sure bet my words are getting to him. Whether it’s their meaning pissing him off, or just the sound of my voice irritating him, I can’t tell, but I keep on with it. “I loved when he stroked my hair and touched me.”

An object flies out of the shadows, and something wet smacks my face, before slipping to the floor. I touch the spot, my fingers running over soft bits that smell like an overripe fig. Lifting the object from the floor confirms it, and I grit my teeth, throwing it back into the shadows. “Why are you such an asshole?”

I push up to my feet, the anger coursing through me in a rush of pure adrenaline. “I took a beating for you! I couldn’t lie on my back for two days! For you! And for what? Because you decided to rip the head off the asshole who assaulted me? He assaulted me! I didn’t ask for that!” The words spill out of my mouth on a furious string of long-expired patience, and I point my finger at him. “You’re supposed to be my Champion! My protector! You’ve been nothing but cruel and heartless!”

In the pause, I try to catch my breath, but my temper is far too gone to quit. “And because of you, my sister will be punished! She’ll be hurt, and there’s nothing I can do to save her from that pain!” Tears wobble my voice, adding more frustration to my already-fuming rage. “She’s sweet! And she’s innocent! And she doesn’t fucking deserve to be punished for a bastard like you!”

My body chokes up with the sob that tears through my chest, and I fall to my knees, ready to accept the consequences of lashing out at him that way. Prepared for Medusa to drag me out of the room. For Legion to come marching in with guns. Or for Valdys to slam me against the wall and choke every bit of air out of me.

Nothing happens, though. Seconds tick by, and the only sound in the room is my sniveling. I think of Bryani, strapped to that barrel, forced to look me in the eye as every crack of the whip mars her innocent flesh. My fidgeting hands blur behind another shield of tears, and I blink them loose.

“How old is she?” The deep, rich baritone voice hits the back of my jaw like the first drop of honey on my tongue.

An ache zaps my forehead, when I frown hard at the shadows. “Too young for you.”

“I wasn’t asking for me.”

Wiping the moisture from my cheeks, I roll my shoulders back, my pride battling the intrigue of his voice. I hesitate to answer at first, wanting to feed him a taste of his own bastardry. To let him experience the humiliation of being ignored. Instead, I answer, “Fourteen.”

“And you?”

Something flutters in my chest when he asks about me. “Eighteen.” Clearing my throat, I sit back onto the concrete and cross my legs. “How old are you?”

“I don’t remember anymore.”

I’m ashamed to admit that I like the sound of his voice. It carries a deep and soothing nature that reminds me of nights when my father lay next to me, calming me after I woke from nightmares. Wise and calculated. He’s definitely older than me.

“You were right. I killed Dean for the enjoyment.”

Swallowing carefully, so as not to gulp aloud, I don’t bother to respond to what I suspected all along.

“But I didn’t enjoy watching your punishment.”

“Could’ve fooled me.”

“I’m not their weapon. I refuse to kill at their command.”

As much as I understand, and perhaps even admire, his defiance, I’ve now had a taste of the consequences, and I dread what that means for my sister. “Lucky me.”

The strangest thing about having a conversation with shadows, is never knowing how words affect them. I have no idea if the thought of watching me suffer his punishment means anything to him.

I spin the beads of my bracelet, trying to remember the stories of Legion raids. The fear and terror worn on the faces of the elders as they spoke about women and children being murdered.

I understand his defiance.

“When was the last time you saw her? Your sister?”

“Just under four years ago. I stole some bread to share with some friends, and the guard who caught me was going to cut off my hand for it. Bryani jumped on his back and attacked him.” The chuckle that escapes me is a confusing blend of sadness and laughter. “She was shot in the stomach. They dragged her off, and I haven’t seen her since.”

“She’s dead, then.” His words are a cold spike to my chest, and I lift my gaze toward the nothingness, my heart picking up its pace.

“What did you say to me?”

“She’s dead. When they’re dragged away, they don’t come back. The only ones who live are those made into Alphas. Only the males.”

My face twitches, anger slowly, but assuredly, rising to the surface. “You don’t know that.”

“I do.”

I blink away the annoying shield of tears covering my eyes and push to my feet, backing myself to keep from doing something stupid, like attacking an Alpha. “You’re lying! You don’t know that!” The panic burbling in my chest chokes my breath, reducing each inhale to small pants.

In the beam of light from the corridor, he rests his palm flat against the ground, and when he leans forward, my eyes are greeted by a scarred and chafed face of a man. One with gray eyes and dark, buzzcut hair, who carries a vague familiarity.

Ragers. Screams. Laughter. Scratches to my face. A fight. Gray eyes staring back at me as the guards drag him away.

“You’re the boy. You fought the other ...”

“Cadmus.”

Eyes wide, I drop my gaze from his, the memories of that day trickling in with clarity. “And Titus?”

“My friend. The one who also fought Cadmus, before they were both dragged off.”

“They brought you here … and …”

“Turned us into animals.”

Hand over my mouth, I try to force the calm into my chest, to keep from hyperventilating and passing out. He looks very little like the small and scrawny boy they carried off that day. Only the innocence of his eyes remain, which I suspect is why they force him to wear a helmet. It’s painful to look at him. To see through the iron exterior to the boy who stepped in to help a stupid girl.

He rubs the silver band still attached to his throat. “I suppose I have you to thank for having the helmet removed.”

The door clicks, and beams of light slice through the darkness, until I can see more of his face. More of the scars. The years of punishment he’s endured for stepping in on my behalf.

“That’ll be all for today. Come with me, girl.”

“They hurt you. All three of you. Because of me.” Stepping toward him, I reach out to touch one of his scars, a particularly deep gash over his throat, beneath his band, and he flinches away. “I’m so sorry.” Reaching again, my fingertips just graze the jagged surface stretched across his throat, and this time, he allows it.

“Girl! Now!” Medusa’s voice is a warning shot, before her footsteps close in behind me, and as she reaches down to grab my shirt, I swipe up Valdys’s hand and force it to her neck.

She pauses, eyes wide and spilling with fear, as all three of us slowly push to our feet.

Keeping his hand to her throat, I use his strength to back her to the wall. Any moment, Legion will come rushing in to save her, so my time is limited. “Did you kill her?”

“I’ve told you. Your sister is alive.”

I don’t even have to prompt Valdys, as I feel his muscles tense beneath my hand, squeezing her throat. “Did. You. Kill. My. Sister?”

“No.”

Tighter he squeezes, until her mouth gapes and her tongue hangs past her gradually darkening lips.

“Did you kill her!” I scream through tears, the rage inside of me exploding to the surface.

“Yes,” she rasps. “Yes. She’s dead.”

Her words are the knife that pierces my heart, and for a moment, I can’t breathe. My ears fill with the rush of blood, pounding so hard inside my head that the world turns mute. Releasing Valdys, I stumble backward, every muscle in my body no longer at my command. I’m cold, paralyzed, and falling deeper into the blackness.

By the time Legion soldiers arrive, I can’t feel anything. The air around me is too thick to breathe, burning my lungs with every inhale.

I let them drag me off.

CHAPTER 19

Four years ago

Fluorescent lights pass over me, punctuated by brief moments of blackness. Nausea gurgles in my stomach, the need to throw up tugging at my throat. A moan slips past my lips, warning of the impending eruption, but it’s too late. I turn my head to the side, and my stomach involuntarily flexes, pumping the fluids past my lips.

“Ah, Christ!” A voice somewhere beyond me is nothing but background noise to the spatter of vomit hitting the floor.

I heave again, the acids shooting up my nose, as a stream of liquid pours over the edge of the white sheets. I stare down at bits of beans and meat swimming in milky pools across the floor. The movement comes to a stop, and I breathe hard through my nose, trying to avoid another round of it.

“Hang on a sec. I need a towel.” The voice belongs to a female, and I roll my head back and see a bronze-skinned girl staring down at me, younger than a nurse. Must be new. Only the girls who’ve come from the Deadlands carry the glow of sunlight in their skin like that.

My eyes follow the path of her arm, where she wipes off chunks of vomit, to the top of the mattress where TNP has been stamped onto her hand. Newly assigned. The cart jerks into motion, and I slide backward, into a silver box. The elevator.

Soft cotton drags over my face, and she dabs it against my hair. “Sorry ‘bout that. It’s my first time in transport. I’m Roz.”

My chest is cold, and a tickle tells me the nausea hasn’t subsided.

“We don’t use real names,” another voice I don’t recognize chides.

Roz steps aside, and I crane my neck to see another girl standing beside her, hands set against another bed.

I trail my gaze down to the profile of my sister lying beside me, eyes closed, her face covered in a mask. “Bryani …” My voice is so weak and hoarse, I can’t tell if I’ve spoken aloud, or in my head.

She doesn’t move, and the pallor of her skin looks unnatural. Almost blue. I reach out for her hand, which feels too cold.

“Bryani.” The tears in my voice choke my words, as I stroke my thumb over her icy fingers.

The elevator dings, and the doors open. Bryani’s fingers slip through mine, as her bed is wheeled out into the corridor.

Mustering what little energy is left in me, I lift my head from the bed. “Bryani!”

The transporter reaches over my sister, as she wheels her down the hallway, and before the doors close, I see her pull the sheet up over my sister’s head.

“Cali, come wook!”

I jog across the dirt, the hot sun beating down on my shoulders, to where my sister squats to the ground, pointing at something. By the time I reach her, she’s already down on all fours, studying the object in front of her.

I catch sight of something small and feathery, a baby bird, I guess, based on the small tufts of fuzz that stick out from its body, where it lies on the ground.

Not moving.

“Is a baby bewd.” A smile stretches her lips, as she points to it with a sense of wonder and pride. At just five years old, she still doesn’t understand death. “Is sweeping.”

My father taught me how to spot an infected bird around her age, but I can’t bring myself to ruin the smile on her face by telling her the truth. No bugs crawling over it. No blood from attack. It really does look like it’s sleeping.

“Better leave it alone, Bree. It’s momma will come to wake it up soon.”

“But da momma will take it away, and I wanna play wif it.”

Shaking my head, I give a small tap to her shoulder. “She needs to be with her momma, Bree. You wouldn’t want someone taking you away from our momma, would you?”

She lowers her head, lips pouting to sadness. “No. I would miss momma.”

“Leave her be, then. Let her momma come get her, so they can be together, okay?”

With a nod, she pushes up onto her pudgy little legs. “Cali? When I’m died, will momma come get me, too?”

Her question takes me by surprise, and I tip my head, my attention bouncing between Bree and the bird. “Yeah. Momma birds never leave their babies alone for long.”

I stare at the wall, curled into a tight ball. Tears trickle onto the pillow beneath my head, as I try to recall every memory I still have of her. Ones as far back as when she was a baby, lying in my arms, as my mother sat beside us.

“She’s yours,” she said to me. “You need to help momma take care of her, okay?”

I remember the pride in my heart, as I held her hand in mine, kissing her forehead. My baby. My very own baby.

“How are you feeling?” The sweet memories of her darken to gray, as the voice of Medusa interrupts my musings.

I don’t answer her.

“I thought you should know … she made it out of surgery.”

On a rush of hope, I twist toward her, my heart beating to life once again. “She’s alive?”

“Of course. This is a hospital. Doctors here are well equipped to handle a few bullets.”

“But … but I saw her. I saw them wheel her away and … cover her with a sheet.”

“A doctor did this?”

“No. One of the transporters.”

“Ah, yes.” She shakes her head and paces beside the bed. “Idiot girl. Thought she was already dead.”

“Can I see her?” Trying to sit has me falling back against the pillows, and I clutch the throbbing ache at the back of my skull.

“I’m afraid not. Aside from the fact that you’re not quite back on your feet, it’s not a good idea.”

“I just … I just need to see her. To see she’s okay.”

“Your sister seems to do well when you’re not a factor.” Her words pierce my heart as the truth in them mingles with the thoughts I’ve had for a while. “It was your fault, after all, that she ended up wrestling with one of the guards. Had you not been so … uncooperative, none of this would’ve happened.”

“I … I didn’t mean to steal.”

“I know you didn’t. I know you were just trying to make friends, but stealing is not the way to make friends here. When you steal, it means someone else goes without. Would you have someone starve, just so you feel a sense of belonging?”

I shake my head, the guilt in her words worming their way into my conscience.

“I’ve advised the guards to let this be. All three of you have suffered enough consequence. I don’t see the need to invite more trauma. But you will go without rations for the rest of the week.”

A sharp breath escapes me at the thought of not eating for days. I don’t even know if I can afford such a thing, and perhaps that’s the point. Maybe I’ll die a slow death of starvation here, a subtle death, far less traumatic than having my fingers cut off, but still setting an example to the others.

“I’m going to have your sister transferred out. It’s best if the two of you don’t have contact. At all.”

Turning away from her doesn’t stop the tears from falling again. So many tears I’ve shed in the last couple of days, it’s a wonder there are any left in me.

“You understand it’s for the best, right? You do want what’s best for your sister, don’t you?”

“Yes.” I didn’t think this place could get any lonelier. Any darker. But I’ve just handed over my sister to these monsters without a fight. Because deep inside my heart, I believe that’s what is truly best for her. I honestly believe she’s better off without me in this place.

A thought that will haunt me for the rest of my time here.

CHAPTER 20

Present day

“Cali, wake up.” Bryani’s voice startles me awake, to the pitch blackness of the room. Hands over my ears, I refuse to open my eyes, for fear that, even in this absolute darkness, I’ll see her face staring back at me. “Wake up, Cali,” she taunts.

It’s not really my sister, though. I know this. Days in isolation can do horrible things to the mind. I know this, too, because it isn’t the first time I’ve been put in The Box, as it’s called. My punishment is seven days, but I have no concept of time in here, to know the difference between a minute and an hour, night, or day.

“It’s your fault.”

The hallucination of my sister has grown stronger, to the extent I’m beginning to question moments when I’m awake, or asleep. Without light, or evidence of life around me, save for the skittering of mice and other small critters I’m glad I can’t see, it’s hard to discern things like time, or consciousness.

Curled into a ball against the wall, I tuck myself tighter, squeezing either side of my skull to drown out the sound of her voice. “Please wake up,” I whine to no one.

No one hears me, and if they did, no one would care. This is my punishment for attacking Medusa, and if I survive, I’ll be one of few who got dragged off and returned.

“If you hadn’t been so selfish, I wouldn’t have died that day.”

“Please, Bree. Please leave me be.” Rocking back and forth, I slam at my ears, in hopes that maybe I’ll blow my eardrums out and go deaf. Maybe then the voices will stop. “Leave me alone!”

“Like you left me alone? Cold. Alone. Rotting in a pile of ash and bone?” Her chuckle tears at my heart, how real it sounds in this place. “It rhymes. Remember we would make up songs to rhyme?”

As if she can read my mind, she begins to chant the first rhyme that pops into my head. One we made up a couple of years back, before getting swiped up by Legion.

“Little Suzie got the Dredge. Threw herself over the ledge. When she hit the ground, and splat. She got back up and ate her cat.”

As much as I don’t want to, I can’t help but laugh at the words we thought were so funny back then.

I whisper along to the next one, as it chimes inside my head. “Mother, Mother, please come quick. Sister, sister fell quite sick. Bit brother, brother on his head. And father, father now is dead.”

“They’re all dead, except for you, Cali. All of them.”

It isn’t possible, after nearly a week of sobbing, that I could possibly muster more tears, but the wetness sliding down my cheek is proof that the body never tires of misery. No matter how much it suffers, there’s always more.

“It’s your turn, Cali. They’re coming for you.”

Before I can say anything to shut her up, the door clicks, and a blinding light strikes my eyes. I lift my hand to shield my face, too dazed and disoriented to make out the dark figure standing in the doorway.

“I think you’ve suffered enough for your actions. I’d like to try a new approach with Valdys,” Doctor Ericsson says.

Valdys.

I haven’t even given much thought to Valdys.

“Up, up. On your feet.” His too-chipper voice cuts like a blade, and I’m very much aware that if I don’t do as he says, he’ll close that door on me again, without a second thought.

Palms to the floor, I push forward on weak arms that buckle beneath me, catching myself before my chin hits the floor. Muscles trembling, I try again, and manage to pull my knees up just enough to stabilize me. Using the wall for balance, I straighten my legs, knees knocking together, and stumble forward a step. Once upright, I ignore the ache deep in my bones, the tingling in my feet and ankles, and hobble forward, pushing off the wall. My feet get in front of me, and I tumble into Doctor Ericsson, who half-heartedly holds me up, until I gain my footing.

My throat is scratchy and dry, my lips burning and cracked, as I look up at him. “Thirsty.”

“We’ll get you water soon enough, my dear. First things first.”

Offering no more than his arm, he walks me out of The Box and down the hall, until we come to a stop in front of double doors. He opens one of the doors, ushering me into a large, empty room, with shiny white floors that reflect the dome ceiling made up of windows. Lifting my gaze toward them, I turn to see the dome spans the entire length of the room, with a ceiling beyond the glass.

“What is this place?”

“Back in its heyday—well before the Dredge—this was a surgical observation deck used by academics. Now, it’s where we observe behaviors.”

Not a minute later, movement draws my attention toward the corner of the dome, where bodies filter in, staring down through the windows at me.

“Why are they here?” I ask, my voice still raspy from thirst.

“To observe, of course. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’d like to brief them.”

Just as when we sat around the table and watched Valdys behead Dean, many of the faces are those I recognize from my treatments. Scientists in lab coats. Medusa. And when I turn just a bit more, I catch sight of Valdys, as always, flanked by Legion soldiers. Though he wears his helmet, I’ve come to recognize him from the scars, and the way his left shoulder is slightly lower than the right, as though it’s been broken a few times.”

“Good afternoon, my most esteemed colleagues. In the interest of time, I’ll skip the background on the Alpha Project, as many of you are quite familiar with the program. Over the last few weeks, we’ve seen fairly good progression, minus a couple setbacks that have kept us from getting ahead.” Laughter bounces off the walls, as Doctor Ericsson makes light of Dean’s decapitation. “That said, I’m happy to report that Subject Nine-Seven-Nine has had considerable binding success with two of our three more violent Alphas. Due to multiple rejections of his previously assigned females, we decided to take a chance and test Cadmus, as well. We figured he might be more inclined to play along with an audience observing.”

Oh, God. Cadmus. The one who held me by my neck, back in the yard. Who probably blames me for what happened to him that day. One who nearly killed the female they tried to bind him with.

“Before we get started, I’ll ask Valdys. Do you have any objections to binding your female with Cadmus?”

I snap my gaze to Valdys, and with tears in my eyes, I give a subtle nod, praying he’ll notice.

“No.” His words come down on top of me like a hammer, and it’s clear how deeply his hatred for me runs. That he could watch another Alpha kill me, rape me, or both, in front of all these people, is a testament to how little he thinks of me.

“Ah, Valdys.” Doctor Ericsson’s voice carries the strained amusement I’ve come to know as irritation. “You are an enigma. So then, let’s begin.”

My heart is pounding in my chest, my body in a state of paralysis, to the extent that I don’t immediately notice Doctor Ericsson has left the room, until the doors click in unison. More lights flick on, creating a halo of darkness at the perimeter of the room, and I have to squint past the brightness to see the figure striding toward me. As massive as Valdys, if that’s possible, but far more scarred.

As he accosts me, I back myself away, eyes scanning my surroundings for a place to hide, a place to avoid him.

A solid surface hits my spine, and I turn around, pressing against the door that won’t budge. My heart is slamming into my ribs, and when I spin back to face Cadmus, he pins both of my arms against the door, pressing the weight of his body into mine. Shivering against him, I turn my head, screwing my eyes shut to avoid having to watch the onslaught of what comes next. Like the other Alphas, he drags his helmet over my skin, the cold metal scraping against my flesh.

“You smell like him,” he rasps. “Like shit.” The clang of metal steels my muscles, and I flinch, refusing to open my eyes. His hot breath fans against my neck, and I know he’s removed his helmet. But not even that prompts me to open my eyes. “I’d still fuck the shit out of you, though.”

He releases me, and I gasp with the shock of it as I stumble forward.

Standing in the middle of the room, he looks up toward the observation deck, the lights so blinding that all I can see is his massive silhouette. “You want a show?” His voice lashes out, like that of a lion chiding his pride. “Send me one that hasn’t been stuck in solitary for a week. Preferably fucking bathed.” Swiping up his helmet, he strides back toward the door through which he came, slamming through it, no doubt to a line of awaiting Legion who will escort him back to his cell.

The lights dim, just enough that I can see Valdys hasn’t moved from his earlier stance, and I’d bet my rations, he’s wearing a smile beneath that helmet.

Part of me wants to cry at what almost happened here. Another part of me is far too elated that it didn’t.

“Pity.” Ericsson’s voice echoes through the room, but there’s no sign of him anywhere. I glance up at the dome, searching for his face among those that stare down at me, and find him amongst the crowd. “I was hoping the binding of the third Alpha would prove fruitful enough to avoid having to test the control group.”

Control group?

“By eliminating the human element, we’re left with a very primitive, animalistic mind. Animals don’t have the same reservations as … bathing requirements.”

The group above me laughs again, shifting and moving about. All except Valdys.

“Gentlemen, please refrain from any sudden movement, or sounds. The glass in front of you is a fairly reliable barrier, so there’s no need to be alarmed.”

Alarmed? Of what?

Eyes scanning back and forth between the doors ahead of me and the watching crowd, I back myself as far away as I can. My pulse is racing so fast, it feels as though I could pass out any moment. I steal another glimpse of Valdys, who has removed his helmet, tucking it under his arm, and the expression on his face is the first I’ve ever seen of its kind. Brows drawn, lips set to a hard line, he looks to be very concerned at the moment. But that’s about the extent of it.

The doors click, and two Legion officers wheel an enormous cage into the center of the room, before they both shuffle quickly back out.

Breaths shallow, I blink past the sweat in my eyes drawing tears. A red light blinks in time to a beeping sound. Beep. Beep. Beep. It silences, and the red light flicks off.

A green light flicks on.

A woman’s robotic voice echoes through the room. “Danger. Please step back. Please step back.”

There’s a siren, and the steel door of the cage clicks forward, then slides to the side.

“Danger. Please step back. Please step back.”

I can’t step back any farther. Twisting around, I push on the door, rattling the handle to no avail. I slide down to the next door. Rattle the handle. A panicked cry dies in my throat, as on the wall beside me, an enormous shadow rises upward. Body seizing in terror, I slowly turn around and find an enormous, monstrous creature, with pale white, almost translucent skin, tiny black eyes, and a mouth filled with razor sharp teeth.

Sliding along the door, I move slow and easy, so as not to set it off on a chase. Perhaps it was once human, but it’s not anymore. My head tells me to scream, but my lungs, clamped down by fear, won’t allow me.

As the creature tracks my movements, lowering itself to all fours, I pause.

It lunges toward me.

Breath whooshes out of me as I spin on my heel, pushing off the balls of my feet for speed. My feet fly out from beneath me, the shiny floor burns as it passes beneath my body.

I scramble to get away, my nails bending as I scratch them across the smooth surface.

I’m yanked back again, harder, and I roll over onto my back, staring up at the belly of the beast.

“No! No! Please!”

A long pink tongue lashes out, warm and sticky as it glides over my cheek. I dare a peek to find what I presume is it’s sex organ sticking out between its legs, pulsing with its growing length.

Oh, God. No. Please no!

Something crashes, snapping it’s attention just enough for me to scramble from beneath it. I look up to see Valdys falling from the ceiling, before he lands with a hard thud on the floor. Bits of broken glass shatter around him, raining down. He slides on his helmet and charges headfirst toward the creature.

In a battle of shock and awe, I kick myself backward, away from the brawl. The creature lets out a harrowing screech, and swipes at my leg, it’s long nail tearing across my flesh.

I cry out and slap a trembling hand over the gash streaked up my leg, before it’s body is hauled across the room, and it slams into the wall at the opposite side.

Undeterred, it flips to all fours, scampering toward me again, but Valdys steps in its path, hammering his palm into its throat. The creature claws and writhes, its sharp nails slicing his flesh, as Valdys holds it back from me.

Breath shudders through my chest.

I can see the muscles in Valdys’s arms vibrating with exertion, as he wrangles the beast. A claw slashes at his cheek. Another rips a gash in his thigh. Still, he fights to keep it away from me, his jaw taut with determination.

In one swift move, he manages to dig his fingers beneath the mutation’s head, and on the sound of tearing flesh, he rips it away from the creature’s body. It rolls like a ball across the shiny floor, dripping a dark, almost black fluid that streaks behind it, until it comes to a stop at my feet.

Tucking my knees into my chest, I swallow back the scream in my throat, eyes glued to the teeth that could’ve easily torn through my flesh like hot blades slicing through a fig. My body spasms with terror and shock, and it isn’t until the sturdy arms of Valdys slide beneath my legs, lifting me up off the floor, that I divert my attention from the severed head. Like a beast carrying a wounded bird, he draws me to his chest and strides toward the door at the far end.

Arms wrapped around Valdys’s neck, I tuck my face into his chest. A sob tries to break through, but it can’t. I’m exhausted. Weak. Beyond terror.

“Gentlemen.” Doctor Ericsson’s voice breaks through the sound of blood whooshing inside my skull. “I give you, the Alpha Project.”

My body falls lightly against the mattress of the bed in Valdys’s cell. Had any of the guards outside tried to stop him from bringing me in here with him, I’m certain they’d have met the same fate as the now-headless creature. I’m reluctant to release his neck, but I do, and I curl myself into a ball, shivering, as he covers me with a blanket that holds his soothing scent.

The click of the door startles my muscles, and my eyes scan the room for another creature, but the gentle glide of Valdys’s palm sends a rush of calm through me. “It’s okay. You’re safe.”

He removes his helmet and slides down against the wall beside the bed, tipping his head back with a grimace that tells me his wounds hurt as bad as the one on my leg. Instead of tending to his first, he tears a square of fabric from the sheet and leans forward, dabbing it against my leg, and tying it securely around the wound. I reach to tear a piece for him, as well, but he grabs my arm, shaking his head.

“I’m fine. Get some rest. They’ll be in here soon enough with an army.”

“You’re hurt, though.”

“Nothing I haven’t been through before.”

“Thank you … for what you did back there.”

“I had no choice.”

“What do you mean?”

“I couldn’t stand by and watch that thing have its way with you. Cadmus, either, for that matter.”

His words are a brief and welcomed distraction from the visual of the creature’s organ sticking out, and the horror of what it planned to do with it. “But you … you didn’t have any objections. When Doctor Ericsson asked.”

“I knew Cadmus wasn’t stupid enough to touch my female, not while I watched.”

My belly shouldn’t flutter at the sound of him calling me his. I shouldn’t want to know what his hands feel like on my body, either, after having suffered the kind of trauma I’ve suffered, but I do. Whether it’s because of adrenaline, or too many days spent in isolation, I want his hands on me. “Valdys ...”

His eyes shoot to mine, and it’s then I remember the warning, but it doesn’t matter. I’d welcome the weight of him on top of me, even if it crushed me. He doesn’t move, though, but looks at me, expectantly, for a moment. When I don’t say anything, he pushes up from the floor and hobbles across the room, swiping up a pitcher from a small table beyond the foot of the bed. My mouth puckers at the sight of him pouring water into a cup.

With a slight limp, he returns to my side, and with one big palm cupping the back of my head, he tips the water into my mouth. It dribbles out of the corner of my lips as I guzzle it back.

When he lowers the cup, his stormy gray eyes seem to swirl with something else. A sort of hunger that goes beyond food, or water. Hand still plastered to the back of my head, he drags my face to his, and the moment his lips slant over mine, the butterflies in my belly explode.

His lips taste like spice and metal—a delicious flavor that I want to devour.

The kiss begins slow and lazy, tongues exploring lips, breath mingling, soft moans trapped behind sealed mouths.

His grip of my neck grows tighter, tongues become teeth, breaths fervent and shaky, and his moan turns to a growl. A violent storm that begins as a gentle rain and sweeps over me, bringing thunder and lightning.

The sudden need I have for him is flames in my blood. I wrap my arms around his neck, and he lifts me from the bed to his lap, where he seats himself against the wall.

Clawing at his scalp, I devour the taste that has me ravenous for more. More of him. Legs stretched over his massive thighs, I feel his erection pressed against my core. It’s far bigger than the bulge in Dean’s slacks.

Dean.

I break the kiss, turning my head to the side, and frown at the memory.

“Are you okay?” The sound of Valdys’s strong, but gentle, voice pushes those thoughts away, and my mind snaps to earlier, when I watched him fall through the ceiling like a God coming to save me.

I give a nod and press myself against his bulge, observing the way his head tips back, eyes heavy and hungry. It’s as Roz described. Almost beautiful to see, the way he responds to touch this way. I run my fingertips over a scar along his jaw and lip, and the one above the slave band at his throat, taking in their jagged, messy stitchings. Life gave him these scars, but for some strange reason, I suddenly want to be the one who heals them. I want to crawl inside his darkness and illuminate the parts that have never felt the warmth of the light.

Pressing my lips to his once more, I steal his breath, taking it into my body, and when his big arms wrap around me, pulling me closer, I don’t want him to let me go.

His hands are everywhere—across my back, my ribs, my thighs—as if seeking out every inch of my flesh.

I realize he’s my safety, and his kiss is my salvation in this place.

There’s a silent story behind these lips, one of suffering and agony, one I yearn to know, while he savors this moment between us, treating the connection with such reverence, I wonder if he’s ever kissed, at all.

The door clicks open, but Valdys doesn’t release me. He doesn’t break his kiss, nor pause for air. It’s as if he’s lapping up as much of it as he can before I’m taken away.

Only when the soldiers slip their hands beneath my arms and pull me off his lap, does he inhale a breath on a lurch toward me, but he’s greeted by the pointed end of a spear at his throat.

Jaw tight, he doesn’t fight them, as they lead me out of his cell.

I keep my eyes on his until I’m almost out of the room, and the stormy gray tells me everything I need to know.

That if I said the word, he would kill every soldier in this room.

For me.

CHAPTER 21

When a species begins to die, there becomes an innate urgency to repopulate. To carry their genes into the next generation. They become aggressive. Irrational. Determined.

This is the world I live in. One decimated by disease, to the extent that the living, healthy population has been thinned to small groups of survivors. And the females in those small groups become breeders. It’s why girls menstruate as early as ten years old nowadays, in Mother Nature’s desperate attempt to save our species.

As much as I might deny it, biologically, there’s a reason I’m attracted to Valdys. Strong. Formidable. Virile. He would ensure my survival, and our children would grow to be strong, as well. I know this is why I yearn for him more than ever now. There’s a constant flutter in my chest at the thought of him, and my mouth waters when I imagine that spicy, metallic taste on my tongue. It’s been two days since I last saw him, since I kissed him and felt his hands on my body.

Last night, I dreamed of him and awoke in cold sweats, with my thighs burning, trembling as if from some inexplicable sickness.

Strange as it is, I can understand the cravings--the vacuous hole inside of me that longs to be filled. What I can’t explain is the ache in my belly that won’t subside--the tight, cramping sensation that has me doubled over, as I lie on a gurney, arm banded over my stomach. It’s like nothing I’ve ever felt before.

“It’s estrus.” Adjusting his thin-rimmed black glasses, Doctor Tims, a stoic and humorless man, pulls a chair up beside the bed. “You’re in heat.”

“Heat? What does that mean?”

“It’s a reproductive process, more commonly observed in females of the Therian subclass of mammals.”

“What?” Another zap of pain strikes my belly, and I cry out, nearly in tears as it radiates to my hip bones.

“Have you had any sexual thoughts in the last couple of days?”

My mind slips back to the dream I had the night before, with Valdys pushing himself inside of me, while I lay screaming in a cross between pleasure and pain. “A couple.”

“It will last approximately three to four days. You may find some relief by …” He clears his throat a second time, while pushing his glasses up onto his nose. “Self-stimulation. Clenching the thighs together tightly may also help.”

“I’ve … never heard of this before.”

“That’s because it’s not typical in human females. There is no estrus. Ovulation is more concealed.”

I frown up at him. “So, why is this happening to me?”

His face turns as emotionless as his voice, when he says, “I’m afraid that’s all I can tell you for now. Please return to your barracks, or assignment.”

“Doctor Ericsson asked to see me after my checkup.”

“I see.” With a huff, he lowers his gaze and adjusts his glasses again. “Perhaps, if you opt not to mention the estrus to him, I will do the same. I’ll have him excuse you from the Alpha cells for a few days on the basis of … acute onset of diarrhea and vomiting?”

I snort at the serious tone of his voice when he says this. Like listening to a computerized voice tell a joke. Yet, the thought of not seeing Valdys troubles me. I feel like, if I don’t see him soon, my whole body is going to go up in flames. It’s strange how I’ve come to crave him the last couple of days, which I suppose now makes a small bit of sense, with Doctor Tim’s explanation. “What would be the consequence of participating in the Alpha cells?”

“Estrus is a trigger for males to mate. The last time a subject was sent into the cells during estrus, she required multiple stitches.”

Neela. That’s why Cadmus attacked her.

In all the time I’ve been here, I don’t think Doctor Tims has ever said more than two words to me. His face is typically the last I see before they put me out, and the first when I wake up. He’s always been a somewhat cold and distant man, and it surprises me that he’s offered this information, though I don’t dare make the assumption that he cares. None of the doctors in this place truly care about the savages they drag in from the Deadlands, or they wouldn’t do the inhumane things they do to us.

“Please. Tell me why this is happening to me.”

Instead of answering, he twists away from me, but I reach out for his arm, swinging his attention to me again.

“Please.”

Removing his glasses, he pinches the bridge of his nose, then huffs, before sliding them back on. “You are no longer equipped to accommodate a human pregnancy. Your womb has been modified for impregnation by an Alpha.”

“What?” The words sink beneath my skin, snaking through my bones like poison. “Why? Why would you do that?”

“To instill obedience. An Alpha will fight to protect his female, but he’ll be willing to give his life to protect his pregnant female.”

“I don’t understand. The Alphas have fought. Easily. They’re the strongest in the Deadlands, right? Why would they need to be willing to sacrifice themselves entirely?”

He sighs, giving a furtive glance toward one of the other doctors walking past the half-opened curtain. With a nod, he clears his throat, and lowers his voice. “Do you know why this hospital was built here?”

I shake my head, the pain in my stomach subsiding for the curiosity he’s stirred.

“This is ground zero. Where the Dredge began. By accident, really. When Szolen was constructed, one of the workers unearthed a pod that had been cocooned. The first to be infected with Dredge carry the purest form of the pathogen. To keep it from spreading, a facility was built beneath the desert, this very hospital. It’s since been sealed off, but we believe the cure lies in those early samples.”

“So, why haven’t you unsealed it? Why use human beings as guinea pigs, when you have the cure below your feet?”

“Because the early infected are the most violent of all. And to get to the cure, we’d have to get past them. Though we don’t know how, we know their numbers have grown.”

“You want to use the Alphas to retrieve the samples.”

His silence answers for him, and the grim expression on his face twists my stomach.

“And to make the Alphas comply, you figured getting me pregnant would give them purpose.”

“Alphas tend to be self-destructive in isolation. We’ve had a number of them commit suicide. Some allow themselves to be killed, either through punishment, starvation, or in training. Some escape during raids. Companionship and purpose have been shown to increase compliance. It is the deeply rooted human necessities that have proven to be most effective.”

I know this more than anyone. Having found out about my sister, I no longer have purpose, or reason. “You come from Szolen, right?”

“Yes.”

“Do you have a family?”

“I do. A wife and a son.”

“That’s why you do this? That’s your purpose for your little experiments on young girls. Savages.”

Lowering his gaze, he nods. “If I refuse, my wife and son will suffer.” When his eyes meet mine again, they carry the sadness of a man who might actually have a soul. “What horrible times we live in, when love is a curse that can be exploited for hate.”

It’s true. Every person I’ve loved, I’ve lost. And I fear what my sudden feelings for Valdys might mean for the both of us.

Doctor Ericsson sits across his desk from me, his pen furiously dancing across a sheet of paper. A minute later, he snaps the folder that’d been laid out before him closed, and a smile stretches his lips. “Well, how are you feeling right now?”

“Still queasy.” As promised, Doctor Tims provided a note, excusing me from the Alpha cells. At the very least, it’ll give me a couple of days to think about how I should approach Valdys. While I feel most safe with him, I can’t allow myself to play into this game, this cruel and wicked plot to use his feelings for me as a reason to sacrifice his life. To do their bidding at his expense.

“That’s a shame. Valdys has been quite anxious for you to return to his cell. In fact, he’s grown a little belligerent about it.”

“How so?”

“Refuses to eat. And we’ve had to subdue him twice in the last two days for lashing out.”

I recall Doctor Tims’ conversation about how they become suicidal without companionship. How sickening that would be if he hurt himself because I refused to see him. “It’s just a few days, I’m certain.”

“A few days,” he echoes, in a tone that sets me on edge. He tips his head back, nostrils flared, as though he can smell my lies on the air.

If it were possible, my stomach twists even more so.

“Did I ever show you what happened to Neela after her first encounter with Cadmus?”

I don’t want to know, but the consequence that shadows his words draws my curiosity, and I shake my head.

“Come with me.” Pushing up from his chair, he leads me out of his office, and down the hallway, passing rooms with large windows, where surgical procedures appear to be in progress, as the staff inside gather around beds shrouded in white sheets.

“We learned after her encounter that she had fallen into estrus. A mistake on our part, really. After the attack, she was mended and transferred to another room for observation.” He comes to a stop in front of a closed door, smiling as he twists the knob to open it.

A heady, sweet scent lingers on the air, strumming a chord of excitement inside me. My heart kicks up its pace, as we approach Neela, who lies still on a bed, a white strip of tape across her mouth, arms and legs strapped down by leather belts, and tubes sticking out of her flesh.

“We’d hoped to reintroduce her to Cadmus after she was healed and her estrus had subsided. Her stitches have been removed, but this is now day twenty-six.”

“Twenty-six days of estrus?”

He lifts a clipboard from the side of her bed and flips the page. “We’ve sedated her, but she wakes every thirty minutes, like clockwork, in excruciating pain.”

A pang strikes my stomach in this very moment, and I set a hand there, frowning down at her. “Why? What happened?”

“Science is approximate, at best. The human body is a very complex structure, and when you mess with it, well, it doesn’t always play by the rules of science. It seems the hormones produced during estrus are only balanced by the chemical reaction that happens when male sperm is introduced. Unfortunately, we didn’t learn this until it was too late.”

“Too late?”

He pulls back the sheet to reveal a round, bulbous lump in Neela’s gown, where her stomach would be.

“She’s pregnant?”

“No. That her womb has swollen into false pregnancy is the best explanation we have at the moment.”

“Can’t you …. Can’t you inject her with … sperm?”

“Very good deduction, my dear. Yes, we could absolutely inject her with sperm, and perhaps she’d find some relief. Perhaps even true pregnancy. Unfortunately for her, science is the nature of this facility. We’re using this as an opportunity to observe estrus cycles in our female subjects. So that we may modify our procedures in the future. Perhaps I didn’t mention … Doctor Tims is the lead researcher for this project.”

Sickness mingles with the ache in my belly, and I bend forward, resting my hand on Neela’s bed to keep from collapsing. He lied to me. The bastard lied to me so he’d have another guineapig to study.

The bed shakes, snapping my attention to Neela, who seems to be caught up in a seizure. Her eyelids shoot open, wide as if in terror. Muffled screams fail to break the barrier at her mouth, and she lifts her head slightly up off the pillow, brows turned up in pleading. Her stomach gurgles and shifts beneath the gown, her fingers splayed and flexing into fists.

I’m bearing witness to what must be her hell.

“Help her. Please help her!”

Tipping his head, Doctor Ericsson continues to watch her, seemingly unaffected by her agony. “It’ll pass soon. It always does.”

I reach for her hand, the sight of her bringing me to tears, and when she tips her head back, the veins in her neck pop out like the lines on a map. The barrier at her mouth balloons with her scream, but doesn’t break.

“We’ve found these episodes to be both disruptive and upsetting to the staff.”

Staring down at her, I grind my teeth, wishing I had the balls to grab something in the room and stab him right here. To give Neela the satisfaction of watching him bleed all over her. Another few seconds of her writhing, and the bed settles. On a rush of air through her nose, she seems to deflate into stillness again, and her grip of my hand slackens.

“The pain is unbearable. It inevitably causes her to black out afterward, but in thirty minutes, it’ll be more of the same,” he says, jotting something down on the clipboard. “Now, what was it you said? A few more days, and you should be ready for another visit with Valdys?”

I glance down at Neela, whose belly has grown even bigger from just minutes ago. In thirty minutes, she’ll suffer the hell of another episode, and it’ll grow some more. Through a blur of tears, I lower my gaze to the floor. “I’m feeling better, Doctor.”

CHAPTER 22

A nervous tickle quivers in my chest, as Medusa leads me down the dark corridor. The pounding of the iron doors, as we pass, is far more fervent than before, and the muffled growls are a sure bet every Alpha on this floor knows I’m in estrus.

“Like wild dogs.” Medusa shakes her head, as we head toward the cell at the end. “This is a terrible idea.”

Her comment would be somewhat touching, maybe even cause to back out, if I hadn’t witnessed the consequences laid out in agony every thirty minutes.

“Valdys won’t hurt me.” I’m certain of it. He had every opportunity to watch me die at the hands of that creature, but he didn’t.

“Perhaps not as a general rule. But there are primitive characteristics in play where these Alphas are concerned. Things we haven’t even begun to understand about them. Bear in mind that, while they may be human, they also carry the same pathogen as the Ragers, and we can all appreciate the desire to avoid one of their nests.”

“If you’re …. If you’re trying to make me feel better about this, it’s not working. I don’t have a choice, unless I want to end up like Neela.”

At the mention of her name, Medusa flinches and huffs a sigh. “I honestly don’t know which is the lesser of two evils.”

Perhaps there’s a small bit of humanity left in Medusa, after all. With a smile, I pat her on the shoulder, a gesture that seems to startle her. “I guess there’s only one way to find out. That’s why I’m here, right? The guineapig.”

“Be careful. I suspect the rules aren’t going to be much use at this point. Just … try not to agitate him into something violent.” She turns to face the wall, and sets her hand on the outline.

A clang from behind clenches my muscles, and I turn to see a slight dent in Cadmus’s door. Another clang, another dent. He growls in frustration, and Medusa gives a light nudge. “In you go. The sooner this is over, the better.”

With a nod, I enter Valdys’s room, and the door clicks shut behind me, narrowing the light to a single beam.

Nerves flaring through my body, I step deeper into his cell, approaching the dark shadow in the corner. “Valdys?”

Slapping a hand over my mouth, I recall the video, when Neela called out to Cadmus during estrus. A trigger.

“Well, well. What have we here?” The voice doesn’t belong to Valdys, and when Cadmus steps into the light, my body turns ice cold. “Seems a mouse has fallen into the snakepit.”

“Where’s Valdys?”

“Doctor Ericsson thought it might be interesting to switch things up a bit.” He lifts his chin into the air, drawing my eyes to the silver band, like Valdys’s, around his throat. He sniffs, closing his eyes with a smile. “My, you smell good enough to eat, little one. And I intend to feast. All. Night. Long.”

He lurches toward me, and I jump back a step.

“Wait. Just … wait a minute.”

“One minute of waiting is one minute less I get to be inside of you.”

Another step toward me, and I throw my hand out, as useless as the gesture might be. “I …. I’ve seen Neela. She’s in agony without you. They’re torturing her.”

A flicker of pain dances across his face, and it’s then I realize, during whatever moments he was with her, something inside of him managed to bind with her. As quickly as it appears, though, the look on his face fades back to one of pure lust. “There’s nothing I can do about that. Besides, I never wanted Neela. I wanted you.”

Two more steps, and I’m boxed in, just as when he had me in the observation room a few days ago. Arms pinned to the wall. His large body pressed into mine.

He buries his face into the crook of my neck and inhales. “Ah, fuck. You smell like peaches and pussy. My favorite meal.”

“You raped her. You almost killed her.”

He pulls away from me once more, until his face is in view. “Perhaps you should ask the good doctor about his intentions with Neela.”

“What do you mean?”

“I was ordered not to lay a hand on her. Not to come near her. They wanted to see how she fared through the pain of estrus when not relieved of it.” The corner of his mouth quirks with the slightest smile. “I’m not one to follow orders. Seems I wasn’t fast enough, though, before Legion barged in.” His eyes trail down to my breasts, and he licks his lips. “I would’ve surely relieved her, but it takes a bit more time for me to finish.” Dragging his fingers down my throat and over my collarbone, he studies my eyes, as if gauging the effect of his touch that I’m desperate to ignore. “Two dozen lashes was my punishment for interfering with their little experiment. And she suffered, anyway. I’m no saint. But I would’ve spared her that pain.” When his thumb brushes over my nipple through the fabric, a quiet whimper escapes me that seems to widen his smile. “Just as I’ll spare you yours now.”

“No, don’t do this, Ca--” I abruptly cut myself off to keep from inciting him any more than he is.

“Say my name. I want to hear you say it.”

Shaking my head, I turn away from him, as he snakes his hand down the edge of my body, toward my hips. The ache in my belly turns to something else. Something that makes me want to shrink against the wall and fade away. A surge of wetness rubs against my thighs as I struggle to keep his hands from where I ache the most, exacerbating the shame beating through me. When his fingers slither over the soaked cotton, my back goes as stiff as the wall behind me.

“Oh, look what I found, sweet girl.” He runs his fingers over my panties, tunneling between the lips of my sex, and I shudder. Not from fear or disgust, but something else. Something I wouldn’t dare admit aloud. “I can make you feel better, Calithea. I can take the pain away, and make you feel downright fucking good.” The sound of my name as it rolls off his tongue is wrong. It’s wrong, and it’s right, and I’m too dizzy with desire to decipher between the two.

“No.” The word tumbles from my lips on autopilot, and I’m grateful, because my brain is too caught up in the sensation. “Listen to me,” I whisper, so as not to be heard on the cameras. “They want you to do this. The first Alpha to impregnate me gets sent to the tunnels below.”

He scoffs, snaking his hand down inside my panties, where his fingers skate over my sensitive and swollen flesh. As I arch into him, writhing at his touch, giving him precisely what he wants, his lips stretch with a wicked smile. “What tunnels.”

“Where they store the cure. It’s guarded by primitive Ragers. More violent than the mutations.”

Eyes on me, he tips his head and glances back to where I presume the cameras are hidden in the room.

“Getting me pregnant would give you purpose. It’s what they want. And he chose you first, in case it fails.” I only suspect that’s the case, but the twitch of his eye tells me I might be right.

His eyes stare off in silent contemplation, as if he’s putting the pieces of a messed up puzzle together inside his head. The shift in his jaw accompanies the flare of his nostrils, and he slides his hand out from my pants, shoving his fingers into his mouth. For one brief second, a flash of ecstasy dances across his face, lightening the darkness from before. “Mmmm. Pity, really. I get the feeling fucking you would’ve been incredible.”

Breath seeps out of me on a sigh of relief, and when he turns away from me, I can move easy again.

“Guard!” he calls out, shoulders slumped in disappointment, as he keeps his eyes on me. “Get this bitch out of my cell. Now!”

Seconds tick, before the door clicks open. Medusa doesn’t even bother to look at me as I pass her. Across the hall, I notice the dents in Cadmus’s door. At least three more since I first entered the cell. I’m guessing that’s where they put Valdys.

I don’t know what’s better. To go to him and rope him into this sick game, or to sacrifice myself, end up strapped to a bed, like Neela.

“I can open the door, if you’d like to see him.” There’s a small bit of hesitation in Medusa’s voice, as though she’s resigned herself to the consequences of doing such a thing.

I shake my head. “I need to lie down for a while.”

“Clever girl. Clever. Clever. Clever.” In spite of the smile on his face, the ire is clearly burning a hole through Doctor Ericsson’s patience, evident in the bite of his tone. “Well, we can’t send you off to Titus. He won’t come near you without the blessing of Valdys. Which means, you win. You win, and Valdys will get you all to himself.”

Frowning, I lift my gaze to his. “I win?” Fingers curled around the chair, I shift in a poor attempt to shake off the burgeoning anger and lean forward. “I win? I have the choice of getting impregnated by an Alpha, so you can use him, or get strapped to a gurney in a slow, agonizing death! But I win?”

“There is the alternative of feeding you alive to the Ragers, so you’d do well to mind your tone.”

I fall back into the chair, slumping in defeat. No matter how I spin this game, in the end, Calico wins. Calico always wins. “Why me? Why am I the only one who’s had successful binding?”

“Technically, Neela did, as well. But I suspect it has to do with your genetics. There may be some ancestral DNA linked to the chemical structure of the pathogen. Who knows? The science is so new, we don’t yet have the answers. Which is what makes it so exciting!”

There’s nothing exciting about it, but I don’t dare stoke his anger by telling him so.

“Calithea …” The sound of my name from his mouth is strange. He’s never once called me by anything other than subject, girl, or my number. “If we find the cure, we can save thousands of people. Imagine if your mother had been given access to a vaccine before she threw herself to those Ragers.”

I made the mistake in the early days of telling him the story of my mother. Thinking it might help make me look more human in his eyes, instead of another savage to poke and prod. I regret giving him the opportunity to use her against me. “What makes you so sure the cure is still below? And if you are so sure, why don’t you just force him to go? Why go through this stupid exercise of making him care about something?”

“Because it’s only when we care about something that we do our job well. We’ve sent Alphas below before.”

“How? I thought the tunnels were sealed off.”

“The main entrance to the tunnels is sealed, but we discovered a ventilation shaft, through which we were able to send them down with success. The Alphas found living amongst Ragers, or being torn apart by them, as the case may be, was more inviting than having to return to their cells. They had nothing to come back to.”

“I don’t want to be the reason Valdys risks his life for you.”

“You don’t have a choice. You already are.”

“So, why bother to impregnate me, then?”

“It’s what he wants. It’s what our species, as a whole, wants. To leave behind a legacy. To let the world know we were here and that we were seen.”

“Valdys wants a baby. I find that hard to believe.”

“Ask him, then.” Fingers crossed, he tips his head. “You’ve been primed to carry an Alpha’s baby. Either of the three, in case you need reminding of that. I’m just guessing you’d prefer to carry Valdys’s over the other two. Valdys is well aware of this fact, also. So, naturally, he’d want you to carry his baby.”

CHAPTER 23

I lie on the bed, tears streaming down my temples as the pain clenches over my womb, as though squeezing the very life right out of me. Pressing the pillow into my face, I do my best not to wake the other girls, who will surely have me sent down to the infirmary, where I’ll land on Doctor Tims’s table. I need this to end. I can’t bear the thought of this pain waking me every thirty minutes. The agony radiates over my belly and into my back, sending my hips forward, until my body forms an arc. Panting against the pillow, I breathe through it, but to no avail.

This must be what my mother felt when she described childbirth to me once. At the time, I thought death at the hands of Ragers sounded less painful.

Trembling like a leaf, I will myself to roll over, and fall over the edge of the bed. Skin smacking against the tiles, I’m certain I’ll wake the others, but I don’t. Reaching out, I pull myself along the floor, dragging my aching womb along the smooth surface that leaves a burn on my skin.

I need Valdys.

Once at the door of the barracks, I push to my feet, standing upright on legs that feel as if they’ll give out any second.

Outside the room, I hobble down the hallway, knowing there’s a guard at the end of the corridor. Keeping to the wall, I duck low, just out of the line of his flashlight when it sweeps over the window. Shaky breaths beat against my arm, propped against the handle of the door, while I sit poised to run at any moment. Closing my eyes, I count to ten, imagining him reaching the end of the hallway. Light at the other end of the corridor catches my attention. I have to time it right. One guard walks left. The other paces right.

Eight. Seven. Six. Five.

The lights at the opposite end become brighter.

Four. Three. Two. One.

As I push through the door, I just miss the arc of light sweeping over the far end window. I look to the right, where the guard hasn’t yet reached the end of the hallway. I have five seconds to make it twenty feet to the stairwell. Padding quickly toward it, I take light steps, and glance back only once, to be sure he hasn’t spotted me. Pushing through the door, I only just slip through before turning around to keep it from slamming shut.

Peering through the crack, I see the guard whistle, as he stops to check his watch and starts in my direction. An easy breath escapes me, and I slowly release the door with nothing more than a quiet click.

Down five flights, I round each landing, until I reach the last, where I bend forward, gripping the rail against the intensity of the pain that feels like a blade pushing through my flesh. Lips pinched, I don’t let so much as a whimper past my mouth, before continuing on. Finally reaching the basement level, I push through the door.

It’s then I realize this whole exercise is futile. I’ll never breach the locks to get inside Valdys’s cell. Still, I limp down the corridor toward his room.

Every door clangs along the way, flinching my muscles, as I rush to get to his cell.

“Valdys!” I slam my palm against the door. “Valdys it’s me!” Sliding the peephole to the side, I peer into the darkness. “I’m … I’m in so much pain,” I whisper, as if there’s anything he can do about it. Resting my forehead against the door, I grimace, while another wave moves through me.

When I look up again, he’s staring out at me, his stormy gray eyes like a sky full of clouds. He sets his fingers to the window, and I do the same, entwining my fingers into his. “I’m sorry this is happening to you.”

The contact isn’t much, but it’s better than suffering in my bed alone.

A ding at the end of the hall tugs a gasp from my chest, and I watch, in horror, as it opens to reveal Medusa, glaring my way.

She storms toward me, but not before the pain pierces my belly, and I drop to the floor.

“Calithea!” Valdys pounds on the door, as if he would break through the iron.

“What are you doing down here?”

“Please …” When I glance up at her, a blur of tears distorts her form. “Don’t let them hurt me like Neela. Please, Elspeth. I won’t survive it.”

Nostrils flaring, she stands expressionless, then reaches for her walkie-talkie, presumably to alert Legion officers that I’ve breached security.

“Please.” My plea is weak with the pain.

She releases the equipment and sets her hand to the door.

Eyes closed, I breathe out a sigh of relief, trembling as I push to my feet, allowing her to pull me up by my arm. “Thank you,” I whisper. I suspect this will mean some form of punishment for her, though I can’t imagine what. The guards are hardly punished to the extent that subjects suffer the doctor’s wrath.

The door clicks open, and I fall into the awaiting arms of Valdys. Scooping my legs up, he carries me across his shadowy cell and sets me down on the bed. I don’t waste any time, and running my fingers over the stubble of his shaved head, I pull him to my lips. That spice and metal hits the back of my throat, watering my tongue, and I squeeze what little of his skin stretches over tight muscle, as I grip his bicep. I gasp when he pulls away and drags his nose over my body. Not with lust, but as if he’s investigating my body.

Searching for the scent of Cadmus on my flesh.

Hands at either side of his face, I shake my head. “We didn’t do anything.”

His brows lower, eyes darken to a cold and detached expression. Jaw tight and clenched, he grips hold of my shirt and tears it in half.

With a frown, I look down my body, where my breasts are on display for him, and I lift my gaze back to his. There isn’t a hint of remorse in his eyes, and as I scramble back against the wall, he yanks me hard, until I’m beneath him, and tears away my pants as viciously as my shirt.

“Valdys!”

I only manage to scream his name, before he slaps a hand over my mouth and gropes my breast, pressing his enormous erection against my swollen belly. Rough fingers push up into me, and I cry out against his palm, as he removes them quickly and smells his skin. Salty tears leak down my temples, and I catch a flicker of a frown dance across his face. Slowly, he removes his hand from my mouth.

“Please, Valdys. Not like this. Not for my first time.”

His brows wing up with the first evidence of shame, and he strokes his hand down my face. “I’m sorry.” His lips press to mine, and he gathers the scraps of my shirts to cover what little he can. “I’m sorry. I heard you … that night.” He trails his lips down to my neck. “I’ve been in hell ever since.”

“We didn’t do anything. I couldn’t. Not with him. Not when I wanted my first to be you.” The scar on his face passes beneath my thumb. “I only wanted you.”

His lips are gentle this time when they find my throat and my collarbone.

“It hurts. It hurts so much.”

“I know.” Crawling down my mostly naked body, he pauses at my belly to leave a kiss on my navel. “I’ll make it better. I promise.” On his knees, he grabs my thighs, and pulls me closer, until my legs are spread at either side of him. I should be embarassed to be in such a compromised position, but the anticipation, the promise of relief, has me slamming my head back into the mattress, arching toward him.

Pressure at my entrance eases to the smooth glide of his finger pushing into me. My mouth gapes, and I grab handfuls of his sheets at either side of me. I concentrate on the sensation of his thick finger rubbing against the walls, and his thumb massaging a sensitive spot where the lips of my sex come together. My thighs tremble with the urge to squeeze them together, the pressure in my belly winding up like an invisible string that tugs at my womb.

The room is quiet, aside from the humiliating wet sounds when he withdrawals and inserts his finger. My soft moans echo through his cell, and this seems to excite him, because he hastens his pace, grunting like that of an animal as he stares down at me, deliciously violating me with his fingers.

“You are the most beautiful creature I’ve ever seen.” His voice carries the awe of an artist, admiring his work.

As much as I enjoy his torment, the ache in my belly hasn’t yet subsided, and perhaps he sees the agony on my face, when he removes his finger. “I’m going to give you some relief, Cali. Are you ready?”

Eyes screwed with a wave of pain that draws my hips upward, I nod. “Please, Valdys. Make it stop.”

“I don’t want to hurt you, though.”

“I don’t think anything could be worse than this pain.”

His big palm grips the top of my head, as he lines his tip to my sodden entrance. Whimpers escape me, as I lay trapped beneath him, and he kisses my forehead. “Shhh. Relax.”

One palm gripping my thigh, the other tight to my crown, he notches himself inside. Solid muscles flex beneath my hands, where I hold tight to his shoulders.

Head tipped back, I clench my stomach with his intrusion, arms shaking from the excitement and fear. “I don’t know how to do this.” My voice wobbles as much as my twitching body, and I blink away the tears. I don’t know why I’m crying. I want this. I want him.

“You don’t have to do anything, Cali. Just lie still.” The storm in his eyes consumes me, and he kisses my temple where a tear has fallen. Fingers curl into my hair, as he pushes a little more, fully breaching my resistance. His breaths are harsh and thick with lust, and though it reminds me of Dean’s breath in my ear, it doesn’t have the same effect.

I’m glad Valdys is excited. I’m glad he wants me this much.

“It’s so tight. I can’t. Not without hurting you.”

“Please. Just try.”

I catch the bob of his Adam’s apple, and he blows out a resigned breath, pushing further. This time, in spite of the pain, I don’t dare make a sound. I don’t dare give him any reason to stop. By the time he’s fully seated inside of me, the pressure is beyond anything I’ve ever felt before. I swear he’s so deep, I can feel him in my belly.

When he slides out of me, the fullness subsides, and I feel the tight glide of his cock against my swollen walls. He pushes again, only this time, it’s smoother, and when his tip hits something up inside of me, I let out a gasp. In a slow and agonizing cadence, he enters and exits, in and out, in and out, until each thrust becomes sloshy, creating sounds that once again heat my cheeks with embarrassment.

The sensation is everything I imagined, and more, because I never once anticipated the look in his eyes, as he stares down at me. One of lust. Of dominance. Of pure possession. The way he’s looking at me now, reminds me of a man who’s found a treasure he’s unwilling to share. One he’s wants to keep locked away, just so no one will ever know it’s there.

His thumb brushes over my forehead, his eyes shifting over my face, as though memorizing every flaw he sees. “You belong to me, and only me, Cali. Do you understand?”

Fighting the agony of his lazy thrusts, I smile. “Yes. Only you.”

He nods, and his hips move like a wave beating against the shore. Faster and faster, higher and higher, as if commanded by the tide itself. A heavy blink of his lids, and he tucks his head into my neck, thrusting his hips faster.

Faster.

His breaths are fervent, building to a growl in his chest that vibrates against me. When he tips his head back on a harsh grunt, face red with exertion, I fall into a sort of pseudoexistence, where the world around me moves as though we’re underwater. Slow and fluid. As if time has stopped, and it’s only the two of us.

I reach out to touch his face, his beautiful pained face, and tears slip from my eyes. He’s the most magnificent thing I’ve ever seen in my life. Vulnerable and strong all at once.

As he steals my pain away, I absorb his into my body, all that agony and suffering that has made him cold and detached over the years. The punishment he’s endured for no good reason. I let it seep past my ribs, into my lungs and heart, igniting the desire to nurture and care for him. To heal his wounds and show him how it feels to be touched by warm and gentle hands. My fingers trail down to the band at his throat, the symbol of a caged animal, and I wish I had the strength to tear it away.

Mouth gaping, he lets out a sound of both agony and pleasure that rips from deep inside his chest.

The warmth that trickles past his cock, still inside of me, is a balm to the ache of stretched skin there. Like melting steel, his muscles turn lax in my palms, and on a shudder, he collapses, catching himself on outstretched arms before his body crushes me.

“You’re crying.” His voice is ragged and punctuated by exhaustion. “Did I hurt you?”

Smiling back at him, I trace my fingers along the path of his hairline, along his forehead. “No. There’s no more pain.”

“Good.” With sleepy eyes, he drags my body against his, close enough that my ear presses to his chest, and I can hear the strong and steady beat of his heart. I turn just enough to kiss his chest, and in turn, he caresses the top of my head, before leaving a kiss there.

My thoughts rewind to the moment he told me I belonged to him. How perfectly it gave sound to the thoughts in my head. “I wasn’t lying, Valdys. I refused Cadmus.”

“I know you did. I felt it.”

Frowning, I tip my head back at that. I’d heard of girls describing the sensation of a man breaking their barrier, or hymen, as some called it, how embarrassing it could be at times, but I felt nothing unusual, other than the ache of his girth stretching me. “What did you feel?”

“You. I felt everything. I know he didn’t have you that way.”

His answer is vague, and I lift my head to see if I spilled blood onto his bed. “How?” I ask, squinting to see through the dim light of the room.

The chuckle that rumbles in his chest snaps my attention back to his content-looking face, and it’s strange how the amusement there makes me want to have him all over again. “Because you trusted me. Had you been with Cadmus first, I very much doubt you’d have allowed me to do what I just did.” He opens one eye, peeking down at me. “And you wouldn’t have scratched up my back the way you did.”

“What?” I push up onto my elbow to look, but he yanks me back down onto the bed beside him. “It doesn’t hurt. I enjoy the pain. It intensifies the pleasure.” Once again, his big arms envelope me, drawing me tight against his body. “Another reason I knew. You wouldn’t have been in so much pain.”

“You’d have been angry enough to reject me then, if I’d been with Cadmus first?”

“Angry? Yes. Rejected you? No. I’m not strong enough to deny you. I wanted you. From the day you stood shivering in my cell, frightened as a small kitten, and I first heard my name on your lips.”

“The same day you held me by my throat.”

“You should know I’m not proud of the way I behaved toward you.”

“I thought you hated me. I was certain of it.”

“I didn’t hate you. I was afraid of you. Afraid of how easily I’d have claimed you for myself.” He pauses for a moment, as if the gravity of what we’ve done has suddenly begun to weigh on him. “How easily they could control me if you were mine.” He strokes his hand over my head, tucking my face into his chest as he kisses my forehead. “The day I was forced to watch them whip you ... “ I feel his muscles tense against me, feel his bicep grow against my cheek, his body trembling with the tautness. “It was the hardest day I’ve had in this place. I’ve seen and heard horrible things, but nothing haunted me like the sound of your screams that night, as I lay here in bed. I wanted to tear every person in that room to shreds. I had visions of flaying the skin from bone of the guard who carried out the punishment.”

There’s a sense of satisfaction in his words that I don’t say aloud. Had he wanted to, I’m confident he could’ve done those things. “I’m glad you didn’t. They would’ve hurt you worse. Or killed you for it. Either way, I can’t bear to imagine the consequences of that.”

“I’ll never allow another to hurt you that way again. No matter the cost.”

“Then, I pray they don’t.”

CHAPTER 24

There is very little light in this place. No reprieve from the darkness, but I’ve come to appreciate this, as I lay beside Valdys, naked and warm. With my leg draped over his body, and the scent of sex on the air, I’m content for the first time in my life.

The metallic smell of his skin is one I can’t possibly imagine growing bored of, as it taunts the back of my jaw for a taste. His chest rises and falls, while he sleeps beside me, like a warrior resting after war. In what little light there is, I trail my gaze over the scars that cover his massive body, desperately trying not to imagine what could’ve put them there, though some tell obvious stories.

The circular patch at his ribcage, which looks as if it’s healed itself in shiny new skin, was branded by something torched by flames. The long stripes across the ridges in his muscled stomach bear the same marks of the whip that now scar my back. Three stripes at his flank hold a striking resemblance to the claws of the creature that tried to attack me back in the observatory room. All the evidence of his pain and suffering etched permanently into his flesh.

I lean forward to kiss the one closest to me, careful not to wake him, but he startles. Fingers clamp around my jaw, the pressure warning me that in a single snap, he could break the bones in my face. Instead, he blinks, eyes still heavy with sleep.

“Shhh.” I run my fingertips over his tense arm that’s still attached to my face, and his muscles turn lax. “It’s only me, Valdys.”

On a long exhale, he falls back against his pillow, releasing me.

I kiss his arm and chest, offering a constant stream of contact, so he doesn’t make the mistake of inadvertently snapping my neck, and I feel his palm run over my head, letting me know he’s not entirely asleep.

The salt of his skin hits my tastebuds like the single missing ingredient of a perfect meal, when I drag my tongue over the scars on his unnaturally bulging pecs, which flinch against me. The metallic flavor lingers on my lips, and I lick it away with the urge to fill my mouth with that taste. Gaze roving his body, I take in the long flaccid shape of his curved cock, imagine it inside my mouth. How delicious the taste, to suck it from his skin. To wrap my lips over its thickness. I’ve never done this to another male, but I’ve heard the other girls talk about their experiences with the guards, and listened to Roz describe Kenny’s cock in more detail than I care to know. How putting the lips there and sucking his manhood could bring forth the same fluids he put inside me the night before.

She claims it’s the greatest gift a girl can give, and after the way he relieved me, it’s what I want to give in return.

With slow and cautious exertion, I crawl down his body, careful not to disturb him, though he watches me through sleepy eyes, the corner of his lips lifting with a smile. Only a slight shift disrupts his otherwise peaceful form, and seconds later, I hear him breathing hard through his nose, only just on the cusp of a snore.

I slide farther down his legs, until my chin is at his groin, and I stare down at the length of his resting cock. There isn’t a chance that it’ll all fit in my mouth, but I’m desperate to try, just the same.

I lower myself to breathe in that scent, still seasoned with the aroma of sex, and drag my tongue along the surface. The muscles in his stomach flex, and his hips shift beneath me. He lets out a forced breath, but his eyes still remain closed, brows pinched together in a pained expression. It tells me of the depth of his sleep, because I’m certain these ministrations would’ve had him snapping awake, just as before.

I have to believe a killer, like Valdys, never truly sleeps, but he hasn’t stopped me.

By the time my tongue hits the tip, his shaft is hard as a rock, the veins sticking out, pulsing with blood. Fluid draws my attention to the small slit, and curiosity compels me to lap it up with my tongue. More of that salty flavor puckers my tastebuds, and I slide my mouth over the top, reveling in the delicious taste of his flesh.

A quiet moan of appreciation escapes him, and he lifts his head, staring down his body at me. “Cali … what’re doin’?” The slur of exhaustion clings to his ragged voice.

Shaft in hand, I lift my face from his cock, my tongue already craving the salty flavor. “Shhhh. Lay back down, Valdys,” I command, just like before.

Without argument, he does as he’s told, and I take him in my mouth again, pushing myself down over his shaft. My lips only reach the halfway point, when his tip hits the back of my throat, tripping my gag reflex.

Too far. Way too far.

I pull back, sliding my mouth back up the ridges of his flesh to the tip, and careful to avoid my teeth, I suck at his flesh as if searching for water in a stem.

His hips thrust forward, and his hands grip the sheets at either side of his body. Head shooting off the pillow, he stares down at me, eyes more awake than before. “Cali, please.”

“I want to taste you, Valdys. Lie back down.”

“Your lips are torture!”

I frown and glance up to him. “Do you want me to stop?” I ask, unable to hide the disappointment in my voice.

“No! God, no. Please don’t stop.”

With a smile, I grip him again. “Then, lie back, or I will.”

He eases back onto the pillow, his chest rising and falling faster than before, and when I take him in my mouth again, he grunts, the muscles in his stomach clenching and unclenching. I slide my lips down his cock and back up again, and his hips buck in response. “Yes, just like that!”

The pleasure in his voice prompts me to do it again. And again. And again. Until I’m sliding up and down his shaft in the same tempo that he pushed in and out of me. The flavor of his skin fills my mouth and mingles with my saliva that I suck away on each plunge. Faster and faster. I’m ravenous for the taste and the small bit of fluid that rewards me on each withdrawl.

His hand falls against the back of my head, hips thrusting forward. “Yes. Oh, fuck, yes.”

His curses goad me on, and I remember Roz telling me how much they enjoy their balls played with.

Squeeze, she said.

The moment I take the large, bulbous bit of flesh in hand, he bucks so hard, his tip smacks the back of my throat. Grunting and growling, he flexes beneath me, pushing up, as I slide down, like he’s having sex with my mouth.

The thought of that stirs an inexplicable excitement inside of me, and I squeeze him harder, until a spurt of something warm and salty hits the roof of my mouth. I yank his cock out in time to see white ribbons of fluid spring into the air. I watch in awe as it falls against my hand still wrapped tight around his shaft, and lean forward to catch it on my tongue. Licking it away from my lips, I take him in my mouth again and suck the fluids down my throat, savoring the taste of him.

Another spurt shoots forth, and he groans, lifting his head and slamming it back against the pillow. “Christ, woman!”

I unhand him and lick his release from my thumb and finger, not allowing a single drop to go to waste. “You taste so good.”

With his legs spread, stomach muscles clenched tight, while staring down at me, he looks heavenly. Like a God. Without a word, he tugs my arm, urging me back up his body, and wraps me up in his arms. His chest expands and contracts as though he’s just run miles through the desert, and the rapid thumping at my ear is his heart racing.

“I want to taste you again.”

“You can taste me any time you like.”

I push up from him, excitement stirring inside me once more. “Now?”

Another rumble of laughter vibrates in his chest as he pulls me against him. “No, crazy girl. Not now. I need sleep. You need sleep.”

“I can’t sleep.” I stretch my arms across the expanse of his body. “I have bad dreams when I sleep.”

He pushes a strand of hair behind my ear. “I have bad dreams, too. But tonight, with you, I don’t remember them.”

“Do you think I’ll forget them by morning?”

“You’ll have to close your eyes to find out.”

I snort at that and nuzzle my face into his chest. “Okay, I’ll try.”

“Where did you learn to do that?”

“I didn’t learn from anything. I just like the taste of you.”

“In that case, I get to taste you next time.”

“You mean … lick me there?”

“Lick, suck, lots of things.”

“No one has ever done that to me before.”

“I know, sweet girl. If they did, you’d know what it feels like to sleep well.”

Arms wrapped around him, I tip my head back to look up at him. “You’ll do that for me tomorrow night?”

“Every night, if you’ll let me.”

“If it means sleep? Definitely.”

I blink open my eyes to the darkness, but somehow, I don’t remember my dreams. Beside me, Valdys sleeps, his face content and devoid of the lines that ordinarily crease his forehead. He looks irresistible enough to kiss, but I don’t, for fear that I’ll wake him.

Perhaps I’ve slept a few hours, maybe less. It’s hard to tell in this room that remains a constant shade of nightfall.

The click of the door has my attention snapping toward it, and Valdys startles beneath me. Only Medusa enters the cell, one arm behind her back as she tosses a new uniform onto the floor, and her other arm joins the first behind her. “I’ve brought you fresh clothes.”

The tone of her voice seems more somber, and the darkness of the room keeps me from seeing her face to know if it’s actual tears I’m hearing.

I push up from the bed, but stop short when Valdys grips tight to my arm. Twisting around, I let him slide his palm beneath my chin and kiss me. As I pull away, I notice his eyes are on Medusa. Wary. Untrusting.

Perhaps deadly.

“I’ll see you again,” I whisper, offering one more kiss to his stubbled cheek, and his eyes are on me again, as I push up from the bed.

Tucking his arm beneath his head, he seems to take some pleasure in watching me dress, as if Medusa isn’t even in the room. He smiles, tossing a shred of my former uniform onto the floor.

I hide my smile as I pull up my pants, recalling just hours ago, when he tore them away.

As I follow Medusa out of his cell, I glance back to Valdys, stretched out in his bed, shamelessly on display. I’d give anything to crawl back beside him.

Once outside of the door, I wait for Medusa to take the lead, as always, but instead, she ushers me forward. With a frown, I step ahead of her, and if I’m not mistaken, the rims of her eyes are red, as though she hasn’t slept a wink.

“Is everything okay?” I ask, when we step onto the elevator and she stands in front of me.

“Of course.” Her voice is flat, but quieter than usual, and I can’t imagine what’s troubling her.

“Thank you for what you did last night. I was in so much pain, I--” My words are cut short when, in the reflection of the elevator wall, I catch sight of her crossed arms and nothing but a bandage where her right hand would be. “Elspeth?”

She sniffles and clears her throat, but doesn’t bother to turn around, or acknowledge that I’ve seen it.

“Was that … my fault?” Tears gather in my eyes as I stare back at the consequences of her generosity. There is no generosity, or compassion, in this place. It’s doused by the lingering cloud of hate that suffocates any shred of humanity, or decency. “I’m so sorry.”

“It was my doing. I’ll not do it again.” Her words are short and cold, perhaps not meant to be so, but in this climate, there is no softness, or forgiveness. “Fortunately, they were able to switch the locking mechanism to my left print.”

Bowing my head, I allow myself to drown in the guilt, because in spite of what she says, I did this. I’m the reason they punished her. In my selfish desire to see, and be comforted by, Valdys, I put her at risk.

“Please forgive me,” I whisper, unable to lift my gaze to hers.

“There’s nothing to forgive.” The robotic tone of her voice says otherwise, as if she spent the night rehearsing those very words, over and over in her head.

When the elevator doors slide open, instead of letting me go on ahead, toward the barracks, she directs me left, toward Doctor Ericsson’s office.

CHAPTER 25

“I trust you’re feeling better this morning.” Doctor Ericsson’s lips stretch into an evil smile, as he shifts his attention between Medusa and me, obviously unaffected by the sight of her stump. He undoubtedly will have watched Valdys and I on camera, probably rewinding it to certain parts of our time together, in order to study it closer.

Lowering my gaze to my lap offers a small bit of reprieve from having to look at his wretched face. “Yes.”

“Fantastic. We don’t want you queasy for today’s events.”

“What events?” I don’t particularly care about what he has in mind, with my thoughts spinning around visuals of guards having to hold Medusa’s arm taut enough for the blade.

“You’ll attend the training session for the Alphas.”

Brows pinched tight, I finally lift my gaze to his. “Training?”

“Yes, it’s important to test their strength, endurance, focus. One slip means death, and could cost a significant number of valuable lives.”

I wonder what he considers to be valuable life. Certainly none of the subjects he’s poked and cut apart. And, in spite of the importance of the Alphas, I doubt very much that he puts much value on their lives, either.

“I’m tired of the games. Just tell me what’s going on.”

“I could explain, but what would be the fun, when I can show you?” Lips stretching wider, he reaches out for me, flicking his fingers. “Come, I suspect they’re almost ready.”

The clearing in a fenced-off section of the hospital grounds is what everyone refers to as The Pit. Not that any of the others, in the main part of the hospital, have seen this hidden stretch of yard, but just about everyone has heard stories about the fights that take place here. Brutal fights, where only one contender walks away. I know this, because I’ve heard the guards exchanging cigarettes and peyote, or alcohol, for bets.

Chairs line the perimeter that’s sectioned off by a fence, like a cage. We enter through a door, which I imagine is the only escape, if those fighting in the pit are ambitious enough to attack the audience.

Doctor Ericsson takes a seat smack in the middle of the row, gesturing for Medusa and I to sit beside him. On the field beyond the fence, I catch sight of Valdys, sans helmet, snapping on leather cuffs that extend from the base of his hand to his elbow. Some kind of leather vest covers his chest, making his shoulders look massive. The moment his eyes find me, I have to hide a smile, for fear Doctor Ericsson will take notice and do something cruel.

Across the pit, Titus and Cadmus are stretched out on a bench, Cadmus with his head tipped back as though basking in the heat, like a lizard. When he tips his head forward, eyes on me, there’s a smugness to his smile, a knowing sort of grin, and when he drags his fingers over his jaw, as though rubbing at the under side of his nose, I flinch at the reference to the day before, when his fingers were down inside my panties.

Thankfully, Valdys doesn’t seem to pick up on his subtle gestures. That, or he doesn’t care, as he stands, rolling his shoulders back, arms flexed into massive cords of pure iron.

The sight of him draws my legs together, and I have to press the heels of my palms against the sudden ache between my thighs.

I turn to see Doctor Ericsson’s gaze there, and I clear my throat, shifting in my seat.

“I imagine seeing Valdys this way is very exciting. There’s nothing quite like watching a strong, robust male preparing for a kill.”

“What kill?” I can’t imagine he’d sacrifice two Alphas for training, so unfortunately, I don’t think Valdys will be fighting Cadmus.

The answer comes marching in through a door on the opposite side of the Pit, where Legion soldiers lead a half dozen men, dressed in the signature, navy blue uniforms of cell block B. Not boys, but no more than thirty years old, I guess. They stand in the center of the pit, looking confused, their expressions sweeping over the surroundings.

Grin plastered to his face, Cadmus leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “Watch yourself, Valdys! Some strapping young lads in this group.” Titus chuckles along with him, but I still haven’t quite caught on to this.

“He’s to fight them? How is that fair? It’ll be a slaughter.”

A clang draws my attention to where objects are being tossed down behind the men, and they part from each other just enough that I see shovels, an axe, and hammers scattered about the ground.

“We like to balance the scales sometimes,” Doctor Ericsson says, crossing his legs like he’s completely at ease.

“A man with a weapon is still no match for Valdys.” I’ve seen him take on one of the mutations, whose single claw could do the same damage as an axe.

“That’s why he’ll fight all six of them at once.”

“What?” I swing my gaze to Valdys, who slides on his helmet, taking his place in the center of the pit.

As though on cue, all of the men scramble for a weapon, fighting over the shovel and axe, until two of them manage to swipe them up from the others.

“He …. He can’t fight all six. Not at the same time. Maybe two, or three.”

“He’s been briefed what he’s to do. And if he fails, he knows all too well what’s at stake.”

My heart sinks at that, and perhaps Valdys sees it written on my face, when he drops his gaze from me, his focus now on the men who stand hunched and ready to attack.

The first brave soul rushes forward, axe raised in the air, but his efforts are stunted, as Valdys reaches out for the handle of the weapon and gives a hard shove that sends him flying backward, onto his butt.

A merciful defense, as far as I’m concerned.

“What is he to do?” I ask, my stomach twisting, as another sounds a battle cry, and two of the men rush toward him.

“Kill them all.”

“But why? You don’t have to do this. He’s proven loyal already. We’ve binded.”

“I’m well aware.”

The amusement in his voice tells me he did, in fact, watch the video of Valdys and me, and perhaps I should feel a slight bit ashamed at such a thing, but with three men swinging at Valdys at once, all I can think about is the rapid pulse of blood shooting through my veins.

“Orders are a very crucial part of his training. With the strength that Valdys possesses, it’s important for him to remember exactly who is holding the reigns.”

“You’re afraid of them. All three of them.” The words fall past my lips before I can stop them, and in the next breath, Valdys knocks the axe out of one subject’s hands, and swings the tip across the man’s throat.

Blood pours out of his wound, spilling onto the dirt, and with his hands at his throat, as if he could possibly stop the damage that way, the weaker male falls to his knees.

“Careful, girl. One wave of my hand, and I can have your knight in armor crushed beneath my iron fist.” The visual of that is laughable, but I don’t doubt the man has an emergency plan, in the event that one of his animals gets out of control.

Another man falls at Valdys’s hands, this one with a hammer lodged square in his skull.

One of the men breaks from the group, tool in hand as he rushes toward our cage, and I push myself up from the chair, as if he might hammer right through the steel. Fingers curled into the fence, the look of terror on his face must mirror mine. “Please! I don’t want to fight! I surrender! I surrender!”

Taking quick pants of breath, I watch, as, unknown to the man, Valdys strides toward him, and before he can see what’s coming, hands grip his skull, and the crack that follows is the man’s head severing from its spine.

My body is caught in a state of paralysis, as I watch the man fall to the ground in a slump of dead meat.

“Give a man a weapon, and he may kill for you. Give him purpose, and he’ll kill without question.” Doctor Ericsson chuckles beside me, breaking my stupor.

Chest rising and falling, Valdys stands before the fence, and if I’m not mistaken, I catch the slide of his gaze toward Doctor Ericsson. As if he would tear away the steel fence to get to him.

A hard thunk of metal flinches his muscles, and Valdys steps aside, exposing the man behind him holding a shovel upright. His body is slight and trembling, and when a stream of urine darkens his uniform, pooling onto the ground in front of him, he doesn’t bother to break his gaze from Valdys.

In one quick snatch, Valdys grabs the shovel and flips it around, before jabbing the blunt handle into the man’s chest. Mouth gaping, he looks down toward where the wood sticks out from his ribcage, blood seeping out of the unseen wound there. One choke of a cough, and he falls alongside the other man. Only two men remain in the pit, and it takes minutes for Valdys to finish them off. One by disembowelment with a hammer, the other by decapitation with an axe. By the time he’s done, the pit is covered in his carnage.

Elbows hiked on the back of his chair, as though he’s bored, Cadmus shakes his head. “Another glorious fight.”

“Congratulations.” Doctor Ericsson pushes against his thighs and stands, and once again, he’s smiling. “You’ve avoided punishment. And as a reward to Valdys, you’ll spend another night in his cell.”

Another sweep of the Pit sends a wave of nausea to my stomach. All these men were sacrificed to prove a point. To teach Valdys and I the difference between taking reward and earning it. Medusa, too. All these men were brutally murdered so that I might understand my place, and recognize that, no matter what I want, or hope for, Valdys is a weapon.

Their weapon.

Lying naked beside Valdys, my stomach still churns with guilt. The same guilt that wracked my conscience even through the pleasure of feeling him inside of me, just minutes ago.

“You’re troubled by what I did today.” His fingers trace over my shoulder, sending goosebumps across my skin.

“You didn’t have a choice. I know that.”

“I told you. No matter the cost. No one will hurt you.”

After a quick glance toward where I think they’ve hidden the cameras in his cell, I turn into him, resting my chin on his chest. “We should escape,” I whisper. “Run away from this place.”

With a snort, he tucks his arm beneath his head. “We’d be shot dead within a mile.”

I climb up his body, until my lips are at his ear. “Unless they didn’t know we were gone right away.”

He turns his face toward me, eyes on my lips. “How? The band at my throat would tell them exactly where to find us.”

I know Valdys doesn’t fear the consequences themselves. It’s only his fear of what might happen to me that gives him any sense of hesitation. Resting my head against his shoulder, I draw my hand down his face, kissing his stubbled cheek, and whisper again, “The band supplies a signal. One that I imagine could be turned off, or intercepted. As for how? Supply trucks. I’ve heard one escaped that way a few years back.”

“And she was killed by Ragers.”

Smiling against his ear, I run my leg along his, my knee brushing over his groin. “That’s because she didn’t have a big, strong Alpha to protect her. Imagine it, Valdys. You and I beneath the stars.” I speak so low, so paranoid of being heard on camera, that I’m not sure Valdys even picks up on my words, until he rolls over me, keeping himself hoisted up on his elbows.

“You’d be mine. Completely.”

I reach up to trace my finger across his brow, smiling at the lazy and heavy blink of his eyes. “Is that all you’d want? Not the freedom. or the beauty of sleeping wherever we want?”

“You’re the only reason I’d risk such a stupid idea.”

Chuckling, I watch him back himself down my body. and my stomach clenches the moment I realize what’s on his mind. “I already told you that I belong to you.”

“Prove it.”

“How?”

Instead of answering, he pushes my knees to the side, spreading me open to him. My gaze shifts from him to the camera, where Doctor Ericsson will undoubtedly be watching, if not tonight, then tomorrow. Yes, we’ve had sex on camera, but something about this feels more personal. Completely on display.

“The cameras.”

“Let them watch.” He lowers his head between my thighs, and the moment his tongue meets my sex, I grip the back of his head, slamming my legs against his ears. Wordlessly prying them apart, he holds me down and paints my sensitive flesh with his tongue. The sensation is like nothing I’ve felt before. Just enough pressure to make me squirm and flex my thighs.

“Oh, Valdys!”

“I can’t tell you how much I enjoy the sound of my name on your tongue.”

“As I’m enjoying your tongue.” I nibble on my bottom lip and let out a soft moan, as he keeps on with this delicious suffering.

The tickle of his stubble dancing over my folds sends my hips forward in a sharp arc, but he pushes me back against the bed.

“Hold still,” he commands in a voice that shoots a rush of blood straight to the very spot he’s sucked and licked.

“Or what.” I smile down my body at the crown of his head, which he starts shaking between my legs, his rough skin scratching against my sensitive flesh. Giggling, I fight against his hold, to close my thighs, but it’s no use. “Valdys! Stop! Please!” An unintended squawk flies past my lips, and I kick to get away from his torment.

In a moment of mercy, he lifts his head from between my legs with a devious grin. “You’d do well not to challenge my orders.”

“Yessir.” Running my hands over his shaved head, I watch, as, eyes on me, he sets his lips to my sex, his eyelids fluttering shut while he runs his tongue up and down the seam. I think how incredible it is to see such a strong and dangerous man, a powerful weapon, touch me so reverently.

Lying back against the pillow, I close my eyes, focusing on the sensation, the affection, and the rumble of appreciation that vibrates against my skin. Toes curled, I dig them into either side of his back and writhe beneath his attentive tongue. He is pain and agony wrapped in fire, but his hands and lips are sheer bliss.

I won’t stand by and let this place destroy him. This is my silent vow, a promise I will keep to myself. No matter the cost, I won’t let them hurt Valdys.

I can’t.

He’s the flame that burns inside of me, the single spark that ignites my soul.

I open my eyes, staring up to where the camera is undoubtedly capturing this moment. Let them watch. Let them know what this man does to me. How, in spite of the ugly, the pain, and the suffering this place breeds, we find solace in each other.

We find light in the darkness of this world.

Tongue dancing over delicate folds, he kisses every inch of my forbidden places, somehow delighting in his toil, and my stomach squeezes against the first bout of pressure. The suction of his mouth pulls at my wet and sticky lips, drawing my hips off the bed and I open my mouth to silence, breath trapped in my lungs. I circle my hips against it, a feeling like something hot rising inside of me. Moaning and grunting against the foreign sensation, I let my hands travel the broad expanse of his shoulders up to his shaved head, his greedy tongue only exacerbating whatever this is. “Valdys,” I whisper. “Oh … it’s … strange.”

A masculine sound of appreciation rumbles in his chest, while his lips suck the swollen and sensitive flesh. Not quite a tickle, but the rush of something cold and slightly crampy strikes my belly, and every nerve in my body seems to come alive, more receptive than ever. I shake my head against whatever he’s stirred, frightened of the pain that’s sure to follow such intensity building inside of me. My legs tremble, my hands tighten and loosen over the bedsheets, and I can’t lie still. As if some kind of exquisite sickness churns inside of me, growing and growing. Small pants of breath are all I can muster as I focus on his tongue--his wet and wicked tongue, like a wand stirring magic in my belly. The pressure is too much.

Too much!

A sharp wave of heat crashes through my muscles, and I arch my back to it, eyes shuttered to the light that strikes the back of my head. I cry out, but Valdys doesn’t stop. He greedily sucks the last of my resistance, lapping up every drop. A wash of tingles bathes my weak muscles, and though I’m lying down, I feel somewhat dizzy, lightheaded. More relaxed than I’ve ever felt before, like the cool nights in the desert when we’d fall asleep by the fire. How that heat would warm my cheeks and settle in my bones.

I open my eyes on Valdys, who looms over me, the corner of his lips kicked up in a prideful sort of smile. I’ve hardly exerted myself, but I feel tired and cozy, and when he lies down beside me, drawing me into him, my muscles are soft and weak.

“Now you’ll sleep.” He plants a kiss to my forehead, as I lie curled into his chest like a child. “And sleep well.”

CHAPTER 26

I sit crosslegged on the grass, across from Roz, and split my extra piece of bread in half, offering some to her. So long as it doesn’t appear that I’ve stolen it for her, the guards won’t bother with us. “I need your help, Roz.” Eyes scanning our surroundings, I keep my voice low, so as not to draw the attention of not just the guards, but the girls who’ve been chosen to act as little birds to Doctor Ericsson.

Focused on her bread, she’s shrugs and nods. “Yeah, of course. What do you need?”

In the time I’ve known her, I’ve never asked her for much, in the way of favors. I’ve never needed anything quite as much as I do now.

“Information. Opportunity.”

Brows knitting together, she pauses midchew and lifts her gaze. “For what?”

I lean in a bit more and tear off a small piece of bread. “I want out. With Valdys.”

“Are you crazy? There is no out in this place. Believe me, I’d have found it by now.”

“The supply trucks. I need you to find out when they leave each night.”

“Okay, I’m just going to tell you right now, that’s not a viable option. Supply trucks are checked thoroughly now, after the last subject escaped. They’re heavily guarded in the loading docks.”

Roz has had to transport bodies to the trucks, sometimes. Not the bodies of dead subjects--they go straight to the incinerator—but the bodies of the occasional physician who kicks the bucket in this place, and gets a nice little burial back in Szolen.

Shoving a piece of bread in my mouth, I hesitate to chew. I haven’t had much of an appetite, at all, in the last two days, which is unheard of. “I have to try. They’re going to send Valdys down into the tunnels soon.”

“What tunnels?”

“According to Doctor Tims, there are tunnels beneath the hospital, where early first generation Ragers were kept. He says the antidote to the Dredge is down there, but you have to get past those Ragers first.”

“Jesus.” She shakes her head, feeding a chunk of bread into her mouth. “I can’t even imagine what those fuckers look like,” she says around a mouthfull of food. “This place scares the shit out of me, sometimes. Yesterday? I had take a failed fetus down to the incinerator.” A shiver twitches her body, her eyes staring off, as it she’s looking at it right now. “Didn’t even look human.”

“These things are the most pure, and according to Doctor Tims, they are the most violent of all.”

Huffing through her nose, she looks around, presumably for anyone close by. “I’ll talk to Kenny. See what I can find out.”

“Which … brings me to the opportunity part of my request. When the electricity shuts down, I need Kenny to help with a distraction.” Every night, the hospital powers down to conserve energy for the day. Some departments, like a few of the research labs, run on large generators that also power the cameras and locks for the Alpha Project. “I need him to alter the cameras.”

“Cali ...” She leans forward, her jaw tight with obvious frustration. “Do you even know what you’re asking?” she whispers. “They’ll gut him open and feed him to the Ragers for such a thing. And how do you plan to spring your little prince from his cell? It’ll be locked.”

“Medusa said they were able to switch the computer to recognize her left hand prints. If Kenny can assign me to Valdys’s cell, I can get him out.”

“Kenny, Kenny, Kenny. You realize I’m only giving him occasional blow jobs, right? It’s not like we’re in love, or he has any reason to do these things for me. It’s not like he won’t tell someone about it. I mean, what does he even get out of this? What do I get?”

“Come with us. Both of you. All four of us can get out.”

“And go where? Roam the desert, and get swiped up into a Rager’s nest? Or taken and sold by marauders to be a breeder? I have a decent gig here. Yeah, it’s shitty sometimes. Sucks what they do, but at least I’m not out there, living under rocks to stay hidden.”

“Have you forgotten already, Roz? Have you forgotten those first nights you were here? What they’ve taken from us?” I shake my head, glancing back to where the Ragers pace in the pens behind us. “Out there, we have a choice. In here? We’re animals, pacing in a cage, waiting for the day they call us into the Chop Shop.” That’s the name given to the wing of the hospital where samples of bones and flesh are cut away, bits at a time, for study. Doesn’t take long for those subjects to die off, as they usually carry something that interests the doctors.

Her gaze falls to her lap, and she finishes off the last piece of bread, swallowing it down.

I break off another piece of mine and hand it to her, which she accepts.

“I’m always starving,” she says on a laugh. “Seems like there’s never enough food to take away the hunger.”

Her comment doesn’t require an answer from me. Everyone here is starving, including me.

“I remember the nights when my father would kill a rabbit, or deer. How good it felt in our bellies. How filling. I haven’t felt like that in a long time,” she says, before popping the bread into her mouth. “I’ll see what I can do. No promises, okay?”

With a nod, I set my hand on hers and smile. “Thank you.”

“Do you have any idea how much dick I’m going to have to swallow for this?”

Both of us chuckle, and I finish off the last of my bread.

“You’re in love with him. Your Champion. You love him, right?”

I shrug, pulling my knees into my chest. “I don’t know. I’ve never felt that kind of love before.”

“You’d have to be in love, to want to do something as stupid as this. It’s for him, right? I mean, you’ve never talked about getting out of here before him.”

“I guess I just found reason.”

“Good. Because if something happens to you, or me, or Kenny, I’d like to know there was a good reason behind it. Love is the only good reason.”

Lowering my gaze, I blink away the tears I’ve fought for most of the day. “If they send him down in those tunnels, and I lose him, I’ll die. I’ll … shrivel up and die.”

She threads her hands in mine and gives a squeeze. “Then we better make sure that doesn’t happen.”

I lie on my side, staring at what would be the wall, if I could see past the blackness. Only in Valdys’s room do I get a small bit of light from the corridor at night, but I wasn’t permitted to sleep with him tonight. I haven’t seen him since I left his cell this morning, and the ache in my chest tells me I’ve reached a dangerous attachment to him, and I know all too well what it feels like when those attachments are severed.

The thin blanket covering my lower half lifts from behind, and Roz’s warm body slides into bed, next to mine. Sometimes, when I come back from the lab, restless and moaning in my sleep, she crawls in bed to settle me like this. Sometimes, she just needs the contact, and we lie here, whispering in the dark about things girls think about late at night.

“Tomorrow night.” Her lips are at my ear, her voice low and soft. “They’re transporting cages to some … facility in the north. Trucks leave at midnight.”

I turn slightly and frown. “What cages?”

“Kenny just said they’re big steel boxes that were loaded onto the dock earlier today.”

Jesus. The mutations. They’re taking them to another facility. I didn’t even know another facility existed, which means something is in the works for those things, and I’m certain if it was death, they’d have killed the mutations by now.

“Kenny can interrupt the tracker on Valdys’s throat until you’re out of range. Only a couple of hours, though, between rounds to the Alpha wing.”

I try to imagine how far we’ll need to be, not to be picked up by their trackers. Far enough to feel like freedom, I think. “That should be enough time. And the cameras?”

“He’s set aside footage of the cell from the other night. Of you and Valdys together. Which means you have to find a way to earn another night with him. He couldn’t have your prints set to open Valdys’s door, but there is an override to the lock. He can open it remotely. It just takes an extra person to flip the switch from the Alpha wing to keep the alarms from going off.”

With a huff, I curl my lip between my teeth and nibble on it, as I do when I’m feeling a bit stressed. “I can ask Medusa.”

“She’ll never agree. She’s acted like a beaten puppy since they took her hand.” The pause of silence in between is followed by a sigh. “I’ll do it. I can sneak out to flip the switch, and be back in bed within a half hour. No one will know.”

“You’re not coming with me?”

A long pause follows, and she burrows her face into the back of my neck. “I don’t know yet. I just have a bad feeling about it. About what’s out there.”

“Then, I can’t ask you to do this. You’ve already done so much, asking for Kenny’s help.”

“It’s no big deal. If it means more time with Kenny’s cock, I’ll do it.”

In the darkness, I roll my eyes, and snort. “You’re obsessed with the thing.”

“Truly. If I could have one of my own, I wouldn’t even need Kenny.” Her hips nudge me from behind, slamming into my backside, and I chuckle.

“You’re terrible.”

“Terribly amazing, you mean.”

I draw her hands around me, tucking them against me, as she nuzzles closer. “I’d have never made it here without you, Roz. After Bryani, I just … I was lost.”

“I’d have never made it without you, either. I’m going to miss you.”

“Please come with me?”

There’s a long beat of silence that follows, one I hope is filled with her considering the proposition. “I’ll think about it,” she whispers against my neck. “Go to sleep. Tomorrow will be the longest night, and you need your rest.”

Though I know she can’t see me, I nod. And for the first time, I close my eyes with a glimmer of hope.

CHAPTER 27

I have one objective: to earn another night with Valdys. So, when Doctor Ericsson tells me he has a job for me, as he sits across the desk, sipping what smells like liquor, judging by the potent smell on the air, I give a solemn nod. Enough to keep him from getting too suspicious of my behaviors, but compliant, as if I’ve learned my lesson.

I can feel his eyes on me, studying me now, while I stare down at my hands in my lap. Can he possibly see the glow inside me? Is the promise of escape written on my skin?

“I haven’t even told you what the job is yet.”

“Do I have a choice?” It’s not easy to feign defeat, when every cell in my body is screaming of impending victory.

“No. No you don’t.” He sets the glass down, and I watch as the amber fluid dances around the rim. “I watched the two of you the other night.”

If I didn’t have an awareness that he prefers young boys, based on some of the stories I’ve heard, I’d almost think he enjoyed watching them. “Seems you and Valdys are enjoying your time together, as of late. That’s good. The more attached he becomes, the better behaved he is.”

“How wonderful for you.”

“Indeed. As the rebels become bolder, so becomes our duty to prepare for an attack. The cooperation of our Alphas is crucial.”

Something tells me the job he wants me to perform is going to go against the remaining shreds of my dignity. Why else would he feel compelled to remind me of this?

The objective is a night with Valdys. No matter what.

“I’ve decided to do a test run into the tunnels.” His words hit like an arrow to my gut, the dreadful poison oozing into my bloodstream. “Not with Valdys. Relax.”

I blow out a shaky breath, to calm my nerves, but there is no relaxing. Not in this place, nor in the presence of this man.

“I’m going to send Cadmus. He’s the fastest of the three. Nearly as strong as Valdys. And arrogant enough to value his life.”

“I didn’t realize placing value on one’s life was considered arrogant.”

“It is when you’re trained to value the life of your masters over your own.”

I gulp down the smart comment cocked at the back of my throat and remember my sole objective in this meeting.

“Regardless of that, Cadmus tends to be unpredictable. It’s maddening at times. We expect he’ll go left, and he goes right. As it’s been the case with you, in your last few encounters. Who would’ve thought that an Alpha, one as sexually charged as Cadmus, would’ve rejected a female in estrus.” He shrugs and shakes his head. “Completely unpredictable.”

“Is it? You said yourself he values his life.”

A chuckle escapes Doctor Ericsson--a strange, unappealing sound that skates down my spine like a blade along my nerves.

“You’re feisty. This is why Valdys is so smitten with you. Which brings me back to the task I need you to perform. I’d like you to spend this evening with Cadmus. Even if he doesn’t find you sexually appealing, the fact is, he hasn’t killed you, which leads me to believe, he might enjoy your company before he heads down into the tunnels.

A cold numb sensation settles over my chest, but my palms are sweating. “Cadmus hates me. Its clear. He’s hated me from the beginning.”

“That’s where I think he might surprise you, my dear. I understand it’s Valdys you’ve grown attached to, but I think Cadmus would benefit most from your attention this evening.”

“Haven’t we proven already that Cadmus doesn’t give a damn about me? If you think spending a night with me is going to keep him from committing Alpha suicide down there, you’re wrong. Give him Neela. Quit forcing her to suffer, and let her provide the comfort he’s looking for.”

“Doctor Tims informs me that Neela is almost through her cycle. Her episodes have decreased to only a few a day, but we’d like to see it through.” He’s not telling me this as an excuse, or to provide explanation, because in the end, whether I like it, or not, he’s sending me into that cell tonight. Neela is a reminder that everything they do in this place is strictly for their own gain and no one else’s.

“You will stay with Cadmus, comfort him. Entertain him. Remind him of the reward that awaits him upon his return.”

“What do you mean, reward?” Scowling, I shake my head. “I belong to Valdys. He’s my Champion.”

“You belong to me, girl, and no one else.” He lets out a mirthless laugh. “Do you think you’re here to fall in love? Do you think this is some matchmaking fairytale we’re operating here? It’s science! And you’re nothing but a variable. We will use you however we see fit. If that means you become some experimental whore for the sake of our studies, then that’s what you’ll become.”

My chest twitches with the urge to break down and cry, and the tears in my eyes only add frustration to my slowly shrinking pride.

“As a reward, I’ll gift you a night with Valdys tomorrow. He’ll be pleased, as he’s already asked about you twice today.”

“Can I see him? Before, I mean.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea. In the event you mention this evening, it might upset him.”

“I won’t. I promise I won’t. I just want to see him.”

Lips pressed together, he shakes his head. “I’m afraid not. Guards are outside the door, waiting to escort you down. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some preparation for before tomorrow’s excursion.”

“Doctor Ericsson, I--”

He lifts his hand, eyes blazing with irritation. “That will be all.”

A numbness settles over me, as I curl my fingers around the arms of the chair. A long and slender piece of metal I’ve often seen him use to open sealed envelopes catches my eye, where it sits in front of me, on his desk. The pointed end of it could easily puncture his throat. I’d watch with macabre fascination as he bled all over his desk, and what then? The guards outside wouldn’t hesitate to shoot me for killing a doctor. By week’s end, the blood would be wiped away, and a new doctor would take his place. Perhaps one more sadistic. Or not. The only certainty is that Alpha Project would go on, and Valdys will remain locked in his cell alone.

“You’re dismissed.” Doctor Ericsson’s words break my thoughts, and I push up from the chair, my legs feeling heavier than when I entered the room.

“Oh, one more thing.” His voice brings my footsteps to a halt, but I don’t bother to turn around and give him the satisfaction of seeing the tears in my eyes. “Just … judging by the tapes I’ve watched over the last couple of months. Cadmus is a bit more on the rough side. He seems to enjoy a bit of chase, so I suppose I should inform you that the guards have been advised not to intervene if they hear you scream. As for you, it’s best to just go along with it. Until it passes. Fewer stitches in the end, and all that.”

Eyes closed, I feel the tears spill down my cheeks, and I keep on toward the door. When I open the door, four Legion officers stand waiting for me.

Darkness swallows me, and when the door clicks behind me, I can’t help the flinching of my muscles. The same fear I felt the first day in Valdys’s room, but exacerbated by the fact that I know Cadmus hates everything about me.

“Here we are again.” His voice emerges from the shadows, carrying the kind of spiteful sarcasm I expected. “Had I known I was going to be shipped off to Ragerland, I’d have just fucked you a long time ago.”

My hands tremble at my side, my voice caught behind the tight squeeze of my chest.

“I would’ve been gentle the first time. But now I know you can take it. I’m sure Valdys stretched you nice and wide.”

“You don’t have to do this, Cadmus.”

“You’re right. I don’t have to. That’s what makes it exciting.” He steps into the light, and I’m suddenly reminded how big and imposing he is. “Everything about this is based on my will to fuck you, or not. And considering fucking you is all I’ve thought about, I’d say the odds are not in your favor.”

“This is what they want. They want you to use me, so that they can control you.”

“Blah, blah, blah.” He waves his hand in dismissal, edging closer. “And at the end of the day, they’re still going to send me down into that hellhole like a worm hooked on a line. So, why not have a little fun before the Ragers tear into me?”

Two more steps, and he’s backed me against the wall again, only this time, he’s not listening to me. My words are falling off him like blunted arrows.

With his forearm pressed against the wall beside me, he leans in, dragging his nose along my jawline, and when I clamp my eyes shut, all I can see is the disappointment on Valdys’s face.

“This isn’t going to save you, Cadmus. Taking what you want from me isn’t going to save you. It isn’t going to make you feel better. And it’s certainly not going to give you reason in the end.”

He pulls away from me, the pale green of his eyes softening the permanent smirk he wears. “You never know, sunshine. Fucking you might be exactly what saves me. Maybe if I come back with their little treasure, they’ll let me have you all to myself, as a reward.”

“And Neela?”

As his lips stretch into a smile, absent of that flicker of remorse I saw earlier, my stomach sinks. “Why do you think I give a fuck about Neela, huh? I don’t. I never did.” His palm slams against my throat, trapping the air in my chest, and I watch his jaw tic with the grinding of his teeth. “It was always you. The dreams.” His tongue drags over my cheek, and I press my lips together as he licks my mouth. “The fantasies. All the twisted fucking fantasies.” Releasing my neck, he slides his hands beneath my arms, urging them over my head, and threads his fingers into mine. “Those were the worst of it.” Hips forward, he grinds his erection against me and shudders a breath. “Imagining all the things I wanted to do to you.”

“What are you talking about?”

“This place is all about punishment. Even the parts that feel like reward. I spent four years in here because of you. Injections that felt like my insides were being ripped out through my asshole. The surgeries. The tests. I’ve been cut with a blade so many times, I can’t even feel it anymore. All because of that fucking day in the yard. Because of you.” He tightens his grip around my hands and presses me to the wall. “All for the promise that, when it was over, you’d be mine. You were my prize.”

Oh, God. Ericsson has been using me against him for longer than I imagined. Feeding off his hate for me.

“Imagine my disappointment when they gave you to Valdys.” He dips his head and clamps his lips around the crook of my neck, moaning as he sucks at where I imagine a mark will be left on my throat for Valdys. “The stronger one, they said. And Neela was my fucking consolation prize for four years of letting them turn me into this.” His teeth bite down into my flesh, and when I flinch, he holds me tight against the wall. When he pulls away, the softness in his eyes from before has hardened into something cold and wicked. “So you better believe that I’m going to fuck you tonight. It’s been a long time coming.”

I can see it in his eyes--there’s no compromise there. No care, or concern for my feelings about Valdys. This is his revenge. Reparation for hours, months, years of torture he’s endured, because of me.

I lean forward and press my lips to his, letting my tongue glide past his teeth. With my arms still pinned, I use my mouth to fight him, to cap the words that seem to have stoked his anger, and when he kisses me back, sliding his hands to either side of my face, I know I’ve broken through. Forehead pressed to his, I sever the kiss for air, my face still caught in the palms of his hands. “I’m sorry for what they did to you. Because of me. I’m so sorry, Cadmus. If I could steal some of the pain from you, I would.”

“Would you?” At the calm in his voice, I lift my eyes to his, and catch the pinch of his brows, the agony in his eyes, where an unseen battle rages inside of him.

Held imprisoned by his arms once again, I study the trepidation creeping across his face. “You’re afraid.”

His jaw shifts, muscles hardening. “I fear nothing.”

“Then, I’m afraid. For you.”

He doesn’t say anything in response, but the angry snicker tells me he doesn’t believe me.

I need him to see me, and not the girl who had him sent off to be tortured. “If you die, they win. And I can’t bear to let them win again. At your expense.”

“Perhaps you’ve forgotten who you’re talking to. I’m not Valdys.” The poisonous hate still runs thick over his words, and when he shoves his hand down into the band of my pants, yanking them to my thighs, I feel my efforts waning with him. “You belong to all three of us. It’s our Alpha blood that runs through you, therefore you are as much mine as his.” Palm smoothing down over my hip, he drags his lips over mine, but doesn’t commit to a kiss. “Why else would you respond to my touch this way?”

“Is there any part of you that respects him, at all? More than me?”

“He fucking did this to me!” His roar of anger reverberates inside the room, and I turn my head away from it, flinching as though he’s slapped me across the face.

“He wears the same band at his throat. What was done to you, was done to him, too. He’s suffered the same.”

There’s a war inside of him. If there wasn’t, he’d have taken me by now.

Cool air hits my bare sex, reminding me I stand exposed in front of him. He seems to remember, too, tugging his pants down to spring free his obvious erection, one I felt pressed against me through the fabric. With a hand on my shoulder, thumb adding pressure to the sensitive part of my throat, he rests his forehead against mine. Cock in hand, he drags his tip over my belly and licks his lips. “I just need to be inside you once. I just need to feel you one time. Get it the fuck out of my system. Out of my head.”

Tears slip down my cheeks, as I stand here, waiting for him to shove himself inside of me. “Is that all it would take? And you’d let me go?”

“Yes. I’ll let you go. He can have you.” Hot breath blasts against my cheek, as he leaves a kiss there. “Just let me feel you.”

In the seconds that follow, while his resolve to have me is surely stirred by my silence, I think of Valdys. The disappointment in his eyes. But it won’t stop this game. Only Cadmus can bring these encounters to a screeching halt, the same way he did back in the observation room--by walking away from me. “Okay.” As much as it kills me to concede, I nod my head and sniff. “Do it, then.”

Thumb rubbing against my throat, he tips his head to kiss me, and if Cadmus is capable of love and gentleness, at all, then this is his way of showing it. He guides my hand to his cock, curling my fingers around it, and, with his hand over mine, glides my palm down his smooth shaft. His eyes are on mine, drilling into me, when his tip slides down my belly, and the moment he lines himself at my entrance, the door clicks.

Both of us swing our attention toward the light that slices through the room, where Legion soldiers stand outside the door, flanked by Doctor Ericsson.

“Change of plans.” The soldiers march forward, spears in hands, and Cadmus pushes away from me, backing himself into the room, as he draws up his pants.

“The fuck is this?”

I yank my pants up, too, watching the soldiers back him into the room, and when the first guard lurches toward him, I follow their steps. “Hey! Leave him alone!”

Cadmus bats away the spear and slams his fist into the guard’s chest, kicking him back a step. When his eyes fall on me, they hold a flicker of confusion, before he turns his attention toward Doctor Ericsson standing beside me. “You promised me! You dirty fucking pricks! You made a deal with me!”

“The deal isn’t off Cadmus. You can still have her. After you return with the samples.”

I snap my attention back toward Doctor Ericsson, the rage inside of me brimming to the surface. “You lying piece of shit!” I lunge toward him, stopped short by a guard who bands his arm around my waist, trapping my hands at either side of me. “You lying bastards! All of you!”

“Get your fucking hands off her!” I hear Cadmus roar behind me, and when I turn, all six guards have cornered him, jabbing their spears into his flesh.

“Stop! Stop it! You don’t have to do this!” Kicking and squirming, I try to break free of my captor. “Leave him!” I manage to slip one hand free, and reach down to the guard’s groin. With one tight squeeze, I grab his balls and yank upward. Hard.

“Ah! You fucking bitch!” From the corner of my eye, a flash of black rushes toward my face, and the cold smack hits my cheek, kicking me off balance.

The floor crashes into my hip, and I lie there, stunned, as pain throbs in my jaw.

Another roar echoes from behind, and I turn to see Cadmus bent forward, held back by all six guards, his face a murderous shade of red.

In a fit of my own rage, I lunge toward the guard again.

CHAPTER 28

A force jostles me out of dreams, and I jolt upright on a gasp of breath. “Cadmus!”

The surrounding darkness is a clue that I’ve been returned to my room.

“Shhh, Cali, it’s time,” Roz whispers in my ear. “The trucks leave in an hour.”

A rush of adrenaline stirs in my chest, and I blindly slip my legs over the side of the bed. It must be eleven at night, since the trucks are scheduled to leave at midnight. On shaky feet, I take a step to trail after her, and pause. The knife. The one I stole from the kitchen a while back.

Reaching under my bed, I fish through the hole in my mattress, until the tip of my finger hits the hilt of the blade. Once in hand, I tuck it up into my sleeve, and follow the memorized path through the pitch blackness of the barracks to the door. Light slices through the darkness, when Roz opens it, and I turn back to the room, spy two of the girls are sitting up in bed. They probably won’t say a word, and if they do, it doesn’t matter now.

I slip through the crack, staying low against the wall behind Roz, who leads us toward the double doors ahead. The guard’s flashlight bounces through the window on the other side, and when it sweeps over our heads, we silently mouth a countdown from ten, just as in the days when the two of us snuck out for fun.

Only this time, our punishment won’t be solitary, or missed rations. It’ll be death.

By the time we reach ‘one’, the guard at the opposite end of the hall has begun his approach, and quickly we slip through the door.

Shuffling low to the ground, we reach the door of the stairwell, and Roz sneaks ahead of me.

“Hey!” The sound of the guard sends my muscles into a state of paralysis, and eyes wide, I slowly rise to a stand, as he runs toward me. The pounding of my heart feels as if it’s reached my throat, by the time he’s standing in front of me. “Where the hell do you think you’re going?”

“B-b-bathroom. Sir.” Only some girls get bathroom privileges. The ones who perform favors for the guards and are gifted a nighttime pass.

I’m not one of them.

The blade in my sleeve rests against the tips of my fingers.

“Where’s your pass?” He’s a short, pudgy man with graying hair. He could be my father, or grandfather, but in this place, in this moment, he’s a roadblock to my freedom.

“I left it. In the room.”

“Well, then, you can get your happy little ass back to bed, before I call your Barrack Leader.”

With a nod, I lower my gaze, allowing the blade to slide down between my fingers. Exhaling a shaky breath, I flex my fingers around the hilt, and in one swift swing, I slice the blade across the front of his uniform.”

Hands flying to his chest, he stands stunned for a moment, staring down at his shirt, where blood has begun to seep through the fabric.

I swing again. And again. One slice drags across his belly. Another across his throat. On the fourth swing, he’s on his knees, eyes vacant, blood pouring from the wounds I’ve poked in him. He falls to the floor on a thunk.

My hands shake as I hold them out, and I drop the knife to the floor with a clang. So much blood on my hands. My lip quivers with the urge to cry for this man I don’t even know.

Hands grip my shoulders, shaking me out of my trance. “Cali, the other guard might’ve heard. We have to go! Now!” Swallowing past the dryness in my throat, I nod and follow her through the door. The two of us race down the staircase, one floor at a time. My muscles remain poised in my paranoia for the moment the alarms sound, when the other guard comes to investigate the clanging noise, but there’s nothing. Not a single sound, save our skittering footsteps, as we descend deeper, into the basement of the building.

We reach the bottom of the staircase and push through the door. Roz takes the lead, racing down the corridor, to where she must know the second switch lies.

I pad toward the cell for Valdys on shaky legs. At what sounds like the entire corridor powering down, on a low hum that vibrates over my skin, the lights dim and flicker, and I reach out and open the door to Valdys’s cell with ease. When he steps forward, his eyes scan over me, to my hands that he snatches up, examining them.

“It’s not my blood,” I say in a weak voice. Seconds later, Roz is standing beside me.

“Jesus.” Her voice carries awe as she stares up at Valdys. “He’s … huge.” She shakes her head, as if snapping herself out of it. “C’mon. The override only lasts a couple seconds. We should go before anyone notices.”

No sooner does she say the words than a door clicks ahead. It swings open. Another clicks. A second door opens. In seconds, a half dozen Alphas stand between us and the elevator. Every one of them has his eyes set on Roz and me.

A thick arm bands across my chest, and Valdys steps in front of me, slipping his helmet over his head.

On a whim, I spin around and open the door to Titus’s cell, then Cadmus’s. Titus steps out into the corridor, and I catch the wide eyes plastered to Roz’s face, as he passes in front of her, before coming to a stop beside Valdys.

“Where’s Cadmus?” I ask, stepping inside his room.

“Never came back after they dragged him off,” Titus says over his shoulder.

A roar sounds the charge, and Alphas rush toward Titus and Valdys. All of them after Roz and me. Arms swipe out at us, and one Alpha attempts to dive through Valdys’s legs, but never reaches us, before his spine is stomped on and Valdys snaps his neck.

Smaller than the two Alphas, the others can’t seem to breach the wall of power and muscle holding them away, and I’m grateful. I can’t begin to think what they’d do, if Titus and Valdys weren’t here right now. Through bloody punches and a couple of broken necks, Valdys and Titus fight their way through, leaving a wake of bodies. By the time they’re halfway down the corridor, all the Alphas lay strewn about the hallway.

“Come on.” A beat of urgency in Valdys’s voice goads us forward, and we carefully step over fallen Alphas.

An arm reaches out and snaps up Roz by the leg, yanking her to the floor. Her scream echoes down the hallway, and I twist, reaching out for her hand, as the Alpha drags her back toward him, scrambling up her body like a starving Rager.

One swift kick to his face throws him backward, and his spine cracks against the wall. Titus reaches down, helping her to her feet.

Another Alpha clambers to his feet.

“Run!” Valdys commands, letting Roz and I pass him on the way toward the elevator. I slam my finger on the button as Valdys and Titus hold off the Alphas, fighting them back each time they charge toward us. When the door opens, we stumble inside, propping it open. Titus slams his boot into an Alpha’s chest.

“Go!” Valdys commands, as Titus leaves him to join us. One violent twist of another Alpha’s neck, and Valdys strides toward us, covered in blood.

The doors close before another Alpha can breach the barrier, and the elevator sets into motion.

“Where’s Cadmus? Did he return from the tunnels?”

“He was taken to isolation. Heard one of the guards say it.” Titus wipes a glob of blood from his arm, where an Alpha must’ve bitten him.

The door opens on the first floor, where we need to exit the building, past the guards to get to the trucks, but I shake my head and slam my finger against the button for the third floor. “Neela’s on that floor, too. I’m not leaving her behind.”

Valdys groans, throwing his helmet to the floor. “The more we take with us, the better our chances of being killed.”

“We can’t leave them. Cadmus can help. If something happens.”

A frown dances across Valdys’s face, and I’m certain he knows something has changed between Cadmus and me, but I ignore it for now. Even if I wanted to, I can’t explain it, not in words. And not in a way that won’t make Valdys jealous. It’s not sexual, by any means, but something shifted when they tried to drag him off. Something told me if they’d hurt me bad enough, he would’ve killed for me.

“You and Titus go after Cadmus. Roz and I will get Neela.”

“And the cameras?”

“They power off on the experimental wings to conserve energy,” Roz answers for me, looking small between Titus and Valdys. “Most of the subjects there are sedated, or placed in isolation.”

The elevator doors open again on the quiet wing of the third floor, and we step out onto the cold tiles. “We meet back here,” I say, and tug Valdys to my lips. “Don’t be late.”

His nostrils flare with frustration, before the two of them stride off in the direction of the isolation rooms.

As Roz and I head for the observation unit, I glance back, wondering if I’ll regret not running off with Valdys alone.

The guard’s flashlight sweeps across the corridor, and the moment the light fades, I push through the door of the observatory, with Roz at my heels. Keeping low and out of sight, I round the curtain that surrounds Neela’s bed, and go to work on her binds.

Beside me, Roz stares down at her, not moving. “What the hell happened to her? Is she pregnant?”

“No.” Neela’s stomach has shrunken considerably since a few days ago, but a small bump is still visible through the sheets. “This is what happens when we go through estrus.”

“’The hell is estrus?” she asks, loosening the strap of Neela’s ankle.

“It’s like being in heat. A mating thing.”

“Jeez. I thought menstrual cycles were bad enough.”

“You have no idea.”

Waking on gasp, Neela looks around, eyes wide in terror, and I stroke her hair, with my fingers set to my lips. “Shhh.”

As if she understands what’s happening, she nods, and reaches across her bloated body for the other strap.

“Where do we go from here? How do we get to the loading dock?” I ask, busying myself with the final strap.

“At the end of this hallway, take the staircase down to the first level, but don’t head through the doors. There’s a panel across from the staircase that leads to the circuit room. From there, you can access the dock.”

“How the hell do you know this?”

“It’s where Kenny and I …” Her lips flatten and stretch to a devious grin. “Our first time.”

“You had sex?”

She shrugs, crossing her arms over her chest. “I guess you could call it that. Only lasted a minute, or two.”

Snorting, I shake my head. “When? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“You were busy with your … behemoth. Which … I’m still trying to wrap my head around how that works.”

Now I’m the one trying to hide a smile. “It works.” I reach out for Neela’s hand, helping to steady her as she slides off the bed.

The curtain snaps back to reveal the guard, with his gun pointed at us. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

“Wait. Just wait a second.” Roz glances over at me, and if I had to guess, she’s trying to avoid another murder, as she steps in front of me, toward the guard.

The sound of the gun going off is unmistakable. Once. Twice. Maybe that’s just the noise in my head, though. I remember that sound vividly, from when the horde of Ragers invaded our camp, and my mother tried to fight them off with bullets, before running out. I remember hearing it when the bullet hit my sister, and I watched her dragged off on a trail of blood.

I look down to see drops of blood on the white tiles below me, but when Roz falls to her knees, my body turns cold and numb, as if it’s punctured my lungs.

I drop to the floor beside her, and catch her head before it cracks against the tiles.

Through sharp pants of breath, she trembles, her face turning pale, as she lifts her head, setting her hand to her stomach. “Oh, shit,” she mutters.

I follow the path of her gaze to the blossoming patch of red at her stomach.

Shock beats through me, as I gather her up onto my lap. “Oh, no. Oh, no. No, no, no.”

“Get up.” The guard spouts off a command that’s distant to the clamor inside my head while I stare down at my friend through a blur of tears. “Get the fuck up now!”

In my periphery, I see him raise his gun, point at me, but I don’t take my eyes off Roz. “You’re okay. You’re going to be okay,” I whisper, drawing her up higher.

She flinches and cries out with the movement, and I don’t even realize how much I’m shaking, until I try to draw a strand of hair from her face. For a brief moment, I’m fourteen again, reaching out for my sister beside me.

The guard racks the chamber of his gun. “I’m not gonna tell you again, girl. Get the fuck up.”

Eyes closed, I hold my friend, who shivers in my arms, and I wait for the bullet.

A sharp grunt draws my eyes open, and I turn to see Valdys releasing the guard’s newly snapped neck, as he falls to the floor in a slump.

Tears spill from my eyes onto Roz’s forehead, while I stroke the stubble of her shaved head. “We’re going to get you out of here. I won’t let you die in this place. You’re going to be okay.”

She lifts a shaky hand, setting it against my arm that’s wrapped around her, and tips her head back, smiling up at me. Each breath becomes more shallow, and she frowns, as if she’s mentally counting down the last of them. “Do you … remember ... “ Quick pants interrupt her, and she coughs, jerking in my arms. “When we … used to reminisce about sleeping … under the stars?”

My lips quiver, as I nod through tears. “Yes.”

Thin lips stretch wider, and she blinks away the tears that stream down her temples. “Just think … Cali. When you’re … lying beneath the stars out there … I’ll be looking down on you.”

Her breaths turn rapid, on the cusp of a wheeze, and her arm falls from mine. One long exhale, and her eyes turn vacant, pupils dilated. She stills as the life visibly fades from her face.

Shaking my head, I squeeze her, my whole body quaking with a sob. “No. No, Roz, c’mon. Wake up. Wake up!”

Fingers snake beneath my arm, nudging me to my feet, but I wrench my arm away. “She’s gone, Cali. We have to go.” Not even the calm in Valdys’s voice can subdue the panic that’s consuming me.

Shaking my head, I hold her against my heart. “I can’t leave her.”

“She’ll have died in vain, if you stay any longer.”

As much as I want to fight him, and stay here with her, he’s right. She risked her life to get us out of here. If I stay, it’ll have been for nothing, but the thought of leaving her here feels wrong.

I lift my head, turning to see Titus holding up Cadmus, who twitches beside him, skin pale. He stands bent over and weak, covered in markings that will make for new scars. Arms curled into himself, he reminds me of the males who come out of provocation tests. I’ve seen them, sometimes, on my way for weekly checkups with Doctor Tims, when I’ve passed by their observation rooms. My curiosity is only overshadowed by the incessant tick of the clock that winds down the seconds until our opportunity slips away, or someone notices the carnage we’ve left behind in this place.

Lowering her head to the floor, I kiss Roz’s forehead, shutting her eyelids closed. “I’ll see you in the stars,” I whisper, and push to my feet.

I reach for Neela and tug her to come with us, but she wrenches her arm back and shakes her head, eyes set beyond me. I glance back to Titus and Cadmus behind me, and its only right then that I remember it was Cadmus who attacked her.

Swinging my attention back to Neela, I wipe my tears away and wave her toward me. “He won’t hurt you. I promise.”

Her eyes fall on me and back to him, while the seconds tick off in my head.

“C’mon, Neela. You’re either with us, or you’re not. What’ll it be.” I’d hate to think Roz died for nothing, but the longer she stands and contemplates, the less patient I become.

When she finally reaches back for me, I grip tight to her hand and tug her closer. “Let’s get the hell out of this place.”

CHAPTER 29

Neela leans into me, as the five of us sit tucked behind a stack of crates against the wall of the loading dock. Across from us, six silver boxes stand in a line at the end of a ramp, waiting to be wheeled onto the truck—boxes that hold the mutations. Legion soldiers swarm the place, and if not for the back door that Roz pointed out, I’m certain we’d have been spotted and shot down.

“We need a distraction,” I whisper to Valdys, beside me. “We’ll never get all of us onto that truck without one.”

“Had it been just the two of us, as I suggested …” He shoots me an unamused glance and nods his head toward the boxes. “I can think of one massive distraction. We let one loose.”

The thought of such a thing has my stomach twisted in knots, but he’s right. Letting a mutation loose will surely allow us to go unseen. “The one at the end. It’ll come charging out at the first thing it sees.” A shiver winds down my spine at the visual of whatever poor guard happens to be standing in it’s path.

“Stay here. I’ll be right back.” He lurches forward, but I reach out for him. “Are you kidding me? You’re like a walking bullseye out there.” He could barely squeeze behind the crates, let alone between the narrow boxes. “You’ll be shot dead before the box opens.”

“And you think I’m going to let you scamper out there to let one of those things loose? It’ll sniff you out before it bothers with any of the soldiers.”

“Give me your shirt.” Holding out my hand, I flick my fingers toward him, watching his brows lower to a frown. “Four boxes left. We don’t have much time. Shirt, please.”

With a huff, he awkwardly peels off his shirt, knocking his elbow against the crate in front of him, and when I slide the garment over my head, I’m swimming in his metallic scent.

Bare chested, he kneels to the ground beside me, with his knee hiked up, shaking his head. “I don’t like this.”

“I’ll be fine. How do I open them?”

“The remote would’ve been convenient right now.” He points toward the silver box, the last one I’m to open, where three of them still remain on the dock. “There’s a manual button you can press on the side of it. Do you see?”

Following the path of his finger sends my gaze to the small black circle on the outside of the cage. “You’ll press the circle, and a panel will slide out. There’s a switch you can flip that’ll open it. You’ll have about five seconds to get the hell out of there.”

“Okay. Easy enough.” I turn to face him, setting a kiss to his cheek. “I’ll meet you in the back of the truck.”

He sighs and grips my chin. “Don’t do anything crazy, woman. I’m in no mood to tear off heads.”

“I promise.” I push up from my crouch and tiptoe around Titus and Cadmus, who stares at the floor, shaking as if he’s just been pulled out of an ice bath. I scan the path to the box, and find a stack of cardboard boxes that will serve as my first stop. From there, I can shoot across to the first silver box. Then the second, hiding behind each one.

As the soldiers push one of the silver boxes up the ramp, I dash out from my hiding spot, and slide to the floor behind the stacked cardboard.

Peeking around it, I notice the easy stroll of soldiers off in the distance, telling me they didn’t see me. The two loading the cages reach the top of the ramp, and are quickly swallowed into the belly of the truck.

I crouch low and shuffle toward the first cage, watching my reflection in the silvery surface grow as I approach it.

Still no sign of the other soldiers having seen me, as I peer around the corner to see one tap the other soldier and flick his fingers. The tapped one reaches into his pocket and pulls out a cigarette, before the two of them put their backs to me. I scamper to the second cage, and at the sound of voices, the soldiers from the truck arriving to retrieve the next box, I edge myself around the corner, which puts me directly in view of the other two, if they didn’t happen to be facing away from me, smoking.

“Hate having to transport these fucking things,” one of the soldiers says from the other side of the cage at my back. “Bastards scare the shit out of me.”

“I heard they had to put them in these boxes to keep them from eating each other. Ate one of the guards who works in the lower level. Fucking scarfed down on his stomach, while the poor bastard was alive.”

“Do you think that’s helping? That’s not helping.”

The sound of retreating footsteps follow the squeal of the wheels, as they head back toward the truck, and I slip to the side of the last box in the row, and press the black button. On a blast of air, the panel pops out of a hole and opens to reveal a red switch. Exhaling a shaky breath, I glance toward where Valdys hides behind the crates, his eyes watching my every move. I flip the switch. A beeping sound begins the countdown to five seconds.

Beep. Beep. Beep. A woman’s robotic voice echoes through the room, and I flatten myself against the cage.

“Danger. Please step back. Please step back.” There’s a siren, and the steel door of the cage clicks forward, then slides to the side, hiding me behind its panel. “Danger. Please step back. Please step back.”

“What the fuck?” The voices of the soldiers come from behind.

I turn to see their reflection in the silver panel of the cage to my left, as they approach the box where I hide. They pause and step back, as something casts a shadow over top of me. At the sound of screeching, I clamp my eyes shut, inhaling and exhaling a breath, and when I open them, a large white object takes up the reflection beside me.

Screams echo through the loading dock. Gun fire. I crouch down and peer around the cage, where soldiers scramble around the mutation that stands bent over one of the soldiers. An object flies through the air and lands just feet away. A bloody, severed arm, covered in the black fabric of the soldier’s uniform.

The two on the truck hustle down the ramp, swinging their guns.

I make a run for it, waving back at Valdys.

If the other soldiers happen to see me scrambling up the ramp, they’re far too preoccupied to care.

More gunfire crackles through the building, while the guards dodge sweeping claws. Looking out from the back of the truck, I watch as Valdys carries Neela across the space, with Titus and Cadmus hobbling behind them. They scramble up the ramp, into the covered bed of the vehicle, and I take note of the soldiers fighting off the mutation, oblivious to us. The five of us tuck ourselves among the silver cages, strapped down in steel crates. Breathing heavily, I fall down beside Valdys, who sits with his back to the wall of the cab.

“So far, so good,” he says, stroking my hair. “I don’t know what I enjoyed more--watching you slip past the guards unnoticed, or watching you do it while wearing my shirt.”

Before I can so much as smile at that, the truck bounces, jostling us forward, and I twist around, peering through the crates, to see the mutation standing at the mouth of the vehicle. With its head tilted back, it looks to be sniffing the air, and my eyes fall on Neela.

Her estrus.

It must smell it on her. Divesting myself of the T-shirt, I wrap it around her, and pull her back, where Valdys is crouched, ready to lunge.

I shake my head, urging him to stay where he is. I don’t want to risk Legion finding us before we have a chance to escape.

Gunfire crackles through the air, and the mutation stiffens on one hellacious screech that has me clamping my hands over my ears. I catch sight of Cadmus, shaking his head, rocking back and forth where he kneels hidden behind crates, with Titus. As if he’s terrified of the sound. The creature falls to all fours and scrambles up the ramp toward us. A thin halo of wire slips around its neck and yanks it backward, severing the head from it’s body before its claw swipes out, just missing Neela’s exposed ankle.

I don’t dare peek around the corner to see how, or what, managed that feat. Instead, I focus on my breathing to keep from hyperventilating.

“How the fuck did it get out?” one of the soldiers asks, followed by the sounds of scuffling feet.

“I … I don’t know. We were careful, I swear.” What I presume to be one of the two soldiers who wheeled the boxes onto the truck answers him, panic still clinging to his voice.

Gunfire startles my muscles, chased by the thud of deadweight.

“Clean this shit up. I want Hawkins and Davenport on transport. I’ve had enough of this clumsy fucker’s antics.” This time, I do peek around the corner, in spite of Valdys tugging me back. Half hanging off the back of the truck lies the fallen mutation, and beside him, the dead body of a soldier.

“Load up the last of the cargo, and get this fucking truck on the road before anything else happens.”

The silver boxes rattle and shake with the rough bouncing of the terrain, as I sit back between Valdys’s legs. Ahead of me, Neela wraps her arms around her knees she’s pulled tight to her chest. Her attention hasn’t wavered from Cadmus once, since we drove off.

I’m guessing she thinks he was the reason behind all those days of tortuous pain she suffered. To a certain extent, he was, but much of the credit goes to Doctor Tims. I’m tempted to ask her if she recognizes her old friend from the yard, the one she tearfully watched get dragged off that day. I’m guessing that doing so will only taint the memory of him, though.

I lean forward and set my hand on her arm, a gesture that swings her attention back to me. “Are you okay?”

Shrugging, she lowers her head, diverting her gaze from mine. “Doesn’t hurt as much, I guess. Whatever it was, it’s going away.”

“You were in estrus. From what I understand, its, uh … a reproductive thing.”

“That he did to me.”

“He hurt you, yes. But it was the doctors who did this to you. What Cadmus did was a consequence of that.”

“Are you excusing what he did to me? Do you have any idea how much pain he caused?”

“I’m not excusing him, at all. What he did to you was wrong. But the pain will come back with your cycle. That’s what it is. A cycle. That’s what those bastards did to us.”

She lifts a strand of my hair, the evidence of our mutual suffering. No other girls in Calico were permitted long hair. “You, too?”

“Yeah.” I don’t dare tell her there’s only one effective means of relieving that pain.

Her eyes shift toward where Valdys sits behind me then back to me. “Did he hurt you, too?”

There’s a small bit of remorse in my heart when I lower my head. “He didn’t hurt me that way, no.”

She whips her head toward Cadmus and back. “Why would he do something like that? He was supposed to be my Champion.”

“I don’t know. Part of it was biological, I guess, but … I’m not going to make excuses for him.”

In his mind, he was trying to relieve her of the pain, and defied orders to do it, but I don’t tell her that. It doesn’t matter at this point, seeing as she ended up suffering anyway.

“Then, why did you save him? Why wouldn’t you leave him there? Why bring him out here, where he can do it again?”

I can feel Valdys’s gaze on me, perhaps waiting for me to answer that question, and I can’t. After all the encounters I’ve had with Cadmus, I can’t explain why I felt compelled to save him. Maybe a part of me feels guilty for the years that followed that day in the yard. Perhaps a part of me feels sorry for what he’s suffered. Or maybe a small part of me was able to bind emotionally to him that night in his cell. There is no solid answer for why I would bother with him. I just know the thought of them sacrificing him to those monsters was unacceptable to me, and seeing him now has only solidified that decision.

My body is thrown backward, knocking me against the cage beside me, and I smash my cheek into the steel surface of it. The truck squeals to a grinding halt that jostles everyone and everything. Shouting piques my attention, and I push away from the cage, listening to the laughter and gunfire.

Marauders. Has to be marauders.

“Check it out.”

Ducking low, I peek around the silver box, to where a man stands peering into the bed of the truck. From what I can make out in the dark, he’s dressed in leather and the dirty weathered clothing of one who’s spent days roaming the hot desert. Two more hop up onto the bed alongside him.

“’The fuck is this?” one of them asks.

The first one jerks his head toward the other. “Go get soldier boy.” When the one on the left hops down, the other two begin their investigation, taking light and cautious steps toward the cages, behind which we still remain hidden. Valdys moves behind me, his muscles tensing, undoubtedly spoiling for a fight. A gurgled scream is drowned by laughter, as the Legion soldier, no more than twenty years old, is thrown onto the bed of the truck. What looks to be blood coats his face, and I notice one of his ears is already missing.

“What’s the cargo?” the first marauder says to him.

Wheezing as he pushes himself up to his knees, the soldier doesn’t answer at first. One of the marauders, a heavier man with a long black beard, slams his boot into the soldier’s ribs, knocking him to the floor again. The soldier grunts and writhes, curling into the hit.

I can almost feel the rage vibrating through Valdys’s muscles, a beast itself, clawing at his skin, not for the soldier, I’m certain, but perhaps imagining those men finding us.

“You fucking deaf? Do we need to cut the other ear off?”

“Mutations,” the soldier answers through his nasal cavity.

“Mutations?” The incredulous tone of the man’s voice carries an air of amusement. “What kind of mutations? Human? Ragers?”

“Both.” The soldier wipes the blood from his eyes, and manages to push himself onto his knees.

Behind me, Valdys shifts, jerking his head for Neela and I to get behind him. He crouches at the edge of the silver box, where Titus mirrors his stance and gives a nod.

Twisting around, I lift the bottom of the tarp that covers the truck, and my stomach sinks when I find at least thirty men standing outside of the truck. Most of them armed with guns.

The Alphas can take on a dozen each, perhaps, assuming Cadmus plays along, but they’re no match for guns. Dropping the tarp, I turn back to Valdys, placing my hand on his arm. When he turns, perhaps he sees the grim expression on my face as I shake my head.

Sitting back against the wall puts me in a position to peek through the small crack between the truck and the cages, to see what’s happening.

“These mutations.” What I’ve determined as the leader of the group, takes a blade out of his pocket, which he uses to dig dirt from beneath his nails. “Any females?”

“N-no.” The soldier bends forward, coughing up blood, and he spits.

“That’s too bad. Bastards out in the Deadlands ain’t too picky when it comes to pussy. Hell, I’ve seen ‘em fuck corpses, dogs, just about anything that’ll hold still long enough.” The men laugh collectively, and glancing around, the soldier lets out a nervous chuckle along with them. “Seen them fuck Legion soldiers for the fun of it.” The leader tips forward, setting his blade beneath the soldier’s chin. “‘Specially ones as … healthy looking as you.”

The man shakes his head, his face screwed up in fear.

“You get starving enough out in the Deadlands, well, hell, you get a warm hole to fuck and a meal afterward. Couple years trying to survive out here, the line between the infected and uninfected begins to blur. We’re really not much different from the Ragers. We just don’t make as much noise.”

With a jerk of his head, two men nearby drag the soldier from the bed of the truck. As he screams and kicks, Valdys directs his attention upward, and I know what he’s thinking. The mutations.

Before I can stop him, he pushes the black button on the side, flips the switch, and the leader snaps his attention in our direction.

My stomach balls into tight knots as the beep beep beep sounds the alarm. The woman’s robotic voice draws the men in. The door slides open. That harrowing screech is the only warning before the screams set in.

The truck shakes as thunks sound the mutation’s footsteps.

“Oh, fuck!” The leader’s voice is brimming with terror, and the gunshots must set it off, because I hear its claws scratching against the metal truck like it’s scrambling for traction.

Closing my eyes, I listen as the mutation seems to wreak havoc on the crowd of men outside, and when I dare a peek, my suspicions are confirmed. I watch from beneath the tarp as men scatter away from the big, translucent creature swiping out at them. Limbs fly in the air, where he’s gotten hold of some. One man’s innards shoot upward, as his severed legs fall just short of the truck. They fire their guns, wounding it, but the mutation keeps coming at them.

Valdys signals Titus to follow him, and I lurch forward.

“What are you doing?”

“Stay put,” he commands, and the two of them exit the truck.

I twist around and lift the tarp again, to see Valdys passing beneath me, on the way to the front cab. In the distance, the mutation chases after men, who run off into the darkness. Some clamber onto motorcycles, only managing to fire up the engines, before they’re torn away from the seat. The truck engine fires up, too, and I breathe easy, closing my eyes, as it sets into motion.

Something cold hits my forehead, and I open my eyes to find the barrel of a gun against it.

Behind the leader, one of the marauders holds Neela against him, his hand tight over her mouth, as she squirms in his arms.

Across from us, Cadmus rocks back and forth, rubbing his skull. Useless to us.

One scream. That’s all it would take to alert Valdys.

I suspect it’d be my last.

As if he can read my mind, the barrel slides down to my lips, and he pushes past my teeth until I’m practically swallowing his gun.

“What treasure, stumbling upon you and your friend, here.” He strokes the top of my head. “I like the way my gun looks down your throat.”

I breathe hard through my nose, the bitter taste of steel and gunpowder burning my tongue.

Snaking his arm beneath mine, he lifts me to my feet and guides me by the barrel of his gun out of my hiding spot. Three other marauders stand inside the truck, bloodied and wounded. At his signal, they dive out the back, falling onto the dirt.

Once at the edge of the bed, the leader removes the gun, and as I open my mouth to scream, he shoves me from behind. The unforgiving, gravelly surface smacks into my face, as I skid across the dirt, the stones tearing into my skin when I fall. Neela tumbles out after me. Then Cadmus. The two men follow.

I scramble to my feet and scream, waving my hands in the air. “Valdys! Valdys!” My screams are drowned by the rattling of the crates, and the roar of the engine speeding off. “Valdys!” The surrounding darkness conceals me, as I watch the lights of the vehicle disappear into the darkness.

He’ll come for me, of course. For all of us.

And if he finds us, I pray it’s not too late. That we’re all still alive.

The leader strides up to me, gun leading the way. Behind him, one of the marauders has already gathered up Neela, laughing as he runs his hands over her.

“Get walking, girl. We got a long way to get home.”

“He’ll come for me. You should know he’ll kill you when he does.”

“Assuming he finds us? I’m pretty confident my men will tear him a new asshole.”

“Your men were slaughtered.”

“Recon team. I got a whole damn village of men who are going to be happy to meet you and your friend.”

“’The fuck did we bring him for?” A smaller marauder, about half of Cadmus’s size, stands with his gun pointed at the broken Alpha.

“Something’s wrong with the asshole. Thought it’d be fun to poke at him a bit, before we string him up on a spit.”

My lips curl in disgust at the visual, and I glance at Cadmus, who twitches and stands hunched over, oblivious to his demise.

“Get walking.” The leader points the gun at my head and smiles. “All my men need is a hole. Doesn’t have to be warm.” With a hard shove, he sets me walking in the opposite direction as the truck.

The truck I can no longer see.

CHAPTER 30

It feels as if we’ve walked for hours, and by the time we reach a clearing of tents and scattered motorcycles, there’s fire in my legs that reaches up into my shoulders. My throat is so dry, I can’t even muster enough spit to swallow. A celebration erupts as we enter the camp, men dressed in leather and rags rushing toward us, random hands reaching to touch private places, pulling my hair when they run it through their fingers. Hidden behind a mountain, this place is well off the main road, and the chances of Valdys finding us are slim enough to leave a sinking feeling in my gut. Some of the men sit bloodied, others gravely injured, nursing wounds I’m well aware are too deep. Men from the scuffle with the mutation who managed to find their way back to camp afterward. Far fewer than earlier in the evening.

“Found us some treasure, boys!” The leader howls with laughter, and another shove from behind kicks me forward. I turn to see Neela’s arms folded over her body, as she pushes away unwanted hands reaching out for her. Behind her, Cadmus stumbles along, lost in his own world, as the men swat at his head and chest.

They lead us to a massive pyre set in the middle of the camp, where the leader directs the three of us to sit. Handed a bottle of liquor by one of his men, he tips it back, before slamming it into my chest. “Drink.”

I want to deny him, I want to throw the bottle in his face and tell him to go to hell. But that’s the thing about thirst. It turns you humble. Weak. Grateful, when you know you shouldn’t be.

I’ve never had liquor in my life, and when I tip the bottle back, the burn on my tongue sends me forward and spitting the fluids out of my mouth. Another round of laughter erupts, as I wipe the bitter flavor from my face with the back of my hand.

“Can’t hold her liquor!” the leader says amid the mirth, and I hand it back to him.

A fowl smell clings to the air, like greasy death, reminding me of the incinerators back at Calico. I lean forward to see something black hanging from a rusted metal rod, stretched flat between two metal posts across the flames, and I suck in a sharp breath the moment I realize it’s the Legion soldier. Cooking on the flames, his skin is as black as the uniform that hardly clings to his body anymore.

Screwing my eyes shut, I turn away from him to Neela, beside me, who sits with her head tucked into her hands. Beside her, Cadmus twitches and rocks, as usual. Whatever happened to him back in Calico has turned him into a walking ghost.

Panic swirls in my gut, mingling with the lingering burn of liquor. No matter what I see, no matter what these men do, I can’t lose my head, like Cadmus.

I have to be smarter.

Think faster.

A chunk of sizzling meat lands in my lap, and the moment it hits my thighs, singeing my skin, I let it fall to the ground.

“Don’t be rude, girl. Isn’t polite to decline a meal out here in the Deadlands.”

I glance up to where three of the men stand around the cooked soldier, tearing pieces away from him, and before I can stop it, vomit creeps up my throat. I bend forward in time to expel it onto the ground next to the meat. Slimy strings of bile hang from my lips, which I spit away.

“Not hungry. ‘S’okay. One man’s trash, is another man’s treasure,” he says, and swipes up the meat from the ground, just outside the halo of my last meal. He pops the meat into his mouth and smiles as the grease coats his lips. “We don’t pass up on a meal out here.”

“Whatever you have in mind … for us ... we can help you.”

“Help us? Help us how?”

“You want Calico, right? You want to bring it down? I can tell you how to get inside.”

“’Fraid you got your groups fucked up. Those are the rebels. Us? We don’t give a shit who’s in power. Politicians are like weeds. Kill one off, and another one grows in its place. Doesn’t matter who he is. But if he comes down from his perch and ventures out into the Deadlands? We’ll fuck him, and his momma, and his baby sister.”

The men collectively laugh, and I turn to see one of them gnawing on one of the soldiers arms.

“We’re just out here to survive.”

Keeping my head low, I raise my gaze just enough to see large chunks cut out of the soldier and holes for the limbs they’ve torn away.

“Awww, don’t feel bad for your little soldier friend. He told us a secret.” Setting his foot up on a rock beside me, he leans down, resting his elbow against his thigh. “Those mutation cages were a gift. A gift from good ol’ Calico. Those soldiers knew they weren’t going back.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, don’t cry for your charred friend over there. He knew this mission was suicide. They planned to set those mutations loose on us. Whoever’s in charge at that hospital did a shitty thing sending those two soldiers out.” His lips stretch into a smile, and he tears off another piece of meat, taking a moment to look down at the chunk left in his hands. “But I’m guessing they weren’t banking on you and your little friends tucked in the back, were they? Tell me something, how’d your friend over there get so big?”

“He’s an Alpha. Trained to kill.”

Leaning to the side, he snorts. “Looks like somebody dropped the ball with this one. Speaking of balls. You let him fuck you? I got to believe he’s got a dick to match those muscles. Had to stretch your tiny little cunt right out.”

I don’t answer him. The sickness of hearing him talk this way hits me worse than seeing the soldier hanging over the flames.

A scream tightens my muscles, as I look to the side to see one of the men standing behind Neela with his hand shoved down her shirt.

“Hey!” I push at him, and the scrawny male comes at me, stopped short by the leader, who holds his gun against the man’s chest.

“Isn’t polite to jump the line. I’ve got men with far more seniority than you jonesin to get their hands on these ladies, but you don’t see them copping a feel before everyone else, do you?”

The bang of the gun jolts my muscles, and the man falls to the ground.

Dead.

Exhaling a sigh, the leader shakes his head. “Sorry ‘bout that.” He waves his gun toward another marauder, who drags the fallen body toward the firepit, gathering rope to tie his hands and feet, which I presume will be fed over a spit later. “Nothing goes to waste out here. Now, let’s get you three settled.”

With his gun still warm from the last bullet shot, he nudges my arm. “Git up.”

Ideas spin in my head.

Like, grab Neela and run. Run where, though?

Take his gun and shoot him. We’d be swarmed by the men who seem to follow his command.

Throw ourselves in that fire alongside the soldier. Perhaps with whatever it is they have planned for us, that’s the most merciful fate, of all.

“What should we do with him?” The small marauder from before shoves Cadmus forward a step, and when he doesn’t trip, as perhaps the smaller one intended, he knocks him in the back with the gun. Cadmus flinches, as he raises it again, and both men chuckle.

“Pansy ass? Stick him with the women. Hell, maybe he’ll be worth a good fuck later. ‘Sides that …” The leader glances back to where the men have already strung the second body over the flame. “We’ve got enough meat for a couple days.”

A small group leads us to one of the tents, in which a thick wooden post, a skinny tree stripped of all its branches, stands in the center. On one side of the post, a marauder ties a rope around Neela’s throat and binds her hands behind her back. Another marauder pushes me to the ground, and I twist to glare back at him.

A cold smack strikes my cheek, sending tingles across my skin, but it doesn’t erase my glare. “Keep it up, bitch. I’ll skull-fuck you right here, right now.”

Only Neela’s scream interrupts my staring, and I turn to see one of the men pulling off her pants, only getting them halfway down her thighs, before she kicks him in the face.

“Get off of her! Get the fuck off of her!” Hand set to the ground, I lurch to scramble toward her, but a force yanks me back. The marauder with the long beard takes hold of my ankles, gathering me beneath him. He uses the leverage to flip me onto my stomach, then presses his weight into my spine. Air bursts from my lungs, as he wrangles my arms behind my back.

“No! No!” Wriggling beneath him is pointless, with all the weight bearing down on me. Rope bites into my wrists, and my body is flipped back, my bound arms crushed beneath me. I kick at him in a useless fight that he merely bats away in fun, laughing, until his palm hits my throat, and he squeezes enough to make me still. Rope bands across my neck, stretched tight enough that I have to wheeze on each inhale, and he holds the end of it above my head, like he’s reigning a wild dog.

Hot breath hits my cheek, smelling of rot and rancid meat, and I screw my eyes shut, when his tongue drags over my cheek. “I’m gonna take my time fucking you, bitch. And when I’m done, every other bastard in this camp, including the dogs, is going to have a turn with you.”

A sob chokes my chest, and in what little movement I can muster, I turn my head away from him.

Nails scrape across my hips, as he yanks my pants down, but I don’t bother to look. I can’t.

On the other side of the post, I hear the slap of skin over Neela’s muffled screams, and the moans of her rapist.

I open my eyes to Cadmus, rocking across from us, twitching, as he looks off in the other direction. “Help us,” I whisper to him. Two days ago, he would’ve been strong enough to take on a dozen of these men. Now, he just looks small and weak. “Cadmus!”

His rocking pauses, and with a twitch, he turns toward me. The first time he’s made eye contact.

In my periphery, the bearded man is springing himself free, stroking his cock while he stares down at my exposed lower half.

“Cadmus, help us.” The words push through clenched teeth, and I blink away the tears in my eyes, bringing the clarity I notice in his stare to sharp focus.

The man in my periphery falls on top of me, and taps what I presume to be his tip against my belly.

“Cadmus! Help me!”

The Alpha snaps the rope binding his arms, and in one swift movement, no more than a blink, he’s holding the man on top of me by the throat. I dare to turn my head in time to see the man’s beard tear away from his face, splashing blood across my chest and stomach, exposing the bloody flesh and bone of his bottom teeth. Eyes wide, he lets out a stiff moan, his body probably lost to shock. In the next second, his neck is snapped, leaving a sharp piece of spinal column sticking through the skin, with his head tipped too far against his shoulders.

I don’t see what happens to the man on top of Neela. All I hear is her scream, and the gurgling sound in the man’s throat in between. Cadmus snaps our binds loose, and I scramble to pull up my pants.

With tears in my eyes, I kick out at the dead body that nearly violated me just moments before, and when Cadmus reaches down for me, I allow him to lift me to my feet. It’s then I turn to see the other man lying on the ground, beside a long stretch of meat that looks to be his throat ripped out. I look back to Cadmus, whose dilated pupils and occasional twitch tells me he still isn’t right.

Whimpering beside us, Neela shivers, weaving her arm into mine and breaks down into a sob.

“Shhh. We still have to get out of here,” I whisper. “The others will be coming soon.”

As if he’s just become aware there are others, Cadmus turns away from us, his movements slow and curious as he walks toward the entrance of the tent.

“No!” I grab for his arm, but he shakes me loose. Instead, I duck behind Cadmus’s massive back and follow him out of the tent.

“How the fuck did Pansy get loose?” What must be the smaller man with the gun manages the one question, before the signature sounds of tearing skin tell me Cadmus has done something horrible to him. It seems to get the attention of the other men, who shout at the Alpha, commanding him to get on his knees.

I peek around his body, as a group of men approach him, far more than a dozen, and when they draw their guns, I step in front of him.

Every muscle in my body is wracked with the kind of fear that numbs the senses. I don’t know if these men would shoot right through me for Cadmus. All I know, is I won’t let them execute him after what he did back in that tent.

Breaths heaving, I stand against him, waiting for them to attack.

“Move away from him, girl,” the leader says, staring down the barrel of his gun. “I will not hesitate to put a bullet in you, too.”

Cadmus lurches behind me, his muscles tense, and the growl in his throat tells me he’s spoiling for this fight. Perhaps unaware, in whatever alternate version he’s seeing right now, that we’re entirely outnumbered and outgunned.

The men move in closer, and I scan the crowd to see most of them are holding guns. Cadmus might fight through a few, maybe even lessen their numbers a bit, but he’ll never kill all of these men on his own. And if one happened to put a bullet in his head, it’ll be over.

A distant sound serves as a momentary distraction, and when a few of the men turn around, I know they heard it, too.

“I’m not going to tell you again. Move the fuck out of the way, or I’ll blow your head clean off your shoulders.”

Another sound echoes through the mountains, and I pick up on the distinct pitch of it.

The screeching of mutations. More than one, even though I can’t see anything through the darkness.

There’s only the flash of white that draws my attention back toward the leader, and in the next breath, his head is severed from his body. The translucent creature tears away bits of his remaining flesh, shoving it into its mouth.

The other men shout and scatter.

Cadmus bumps into me from behind, and seconds later, he’s no longer there. He joins the melee, grabbing one of the fleeing marauders by his shirt, before punching his fist through the man’s spine.

The mutation doesn’t seem to bother with him, as it scampers after another victim.

Hand in Neela’s, we run through the camp, dodging the fights.

More flashes of white in the distance bring us to a halt, and I twist around, searching the camp for a way out. Fires crawl over the tents, as if deliberately set aflame by the unseen invader I’m hoping to spot in the crowd.

Valdys is nowhere in sight.

One of the marauders bumps into us, but quickly scrambles off into the darkness. All I hear is a scream beyond the perimeter of the camp, over the chaos trapped within.

I catch sight of Titus chasing after two marauders, and when I spin around, I’m greeted by the beady eyes and translucent skin of a mutation. It pounces toward us, and squeezing Neela’s hand, I jump back.

A massive figure steps in its path, and I look up to see the back of Valdys. He wrangles with the creature that swipes at us, snapping its maw.

“Get to the truck!” he calls over his shoulder.

I don’t want to leave his side, but as I turn around, there’s nowhere to hide here. Scattered amid the dwindling number of marauders are all three Alphas and the occasional mutation.

Taking Neela by the arm, I skirt around Valdys, who wrangles the creature to the ground. The two of us run into the darkness, eyes trailing over the terrain I can hardly see beneath my feet. My lungs burn as I race blindly toward the mountain, in search of the truck. I catch sight of it up ahead and push speed from my legs, dragging Neela behind me. Cold metal hits my palms as I damn near slide into the driver’s door and scramble with the handle to open it. Neela and I climb inside and lock the doors. Hands gripping the steering wheel, I take a moment to breathe and settle my nerves. Beside me, Neela wheezes too, her palms pressed into the dashboard.

I turn my head to see, from this distance, the blaze of fires, where all the tents have succumbed to flames. The occasional gunshot that echoes over the screaming tells me some of the men are still alive. I scan the camp in search of Valdys, and see him tear away the head of a mutation, tossing it behind him as he moves onto the next, like a warrior.

“If Cadmus hadn’t ... “ Neela sniffles beside me, and I twist back around to see her shaking her head. “After what they did.”

Tears fill my eyes, as I pull her into me. “I know.”

“I thought Calico was worse.” Her body jerks with a sob.

As I stare off at the chaos outside, I’d be inclined to agree with her. But I know what we saw was the worst of it.

It has to be the worst of it.

A minute later, and Neela settles beside me. “Cadmus saved us.”

I’d like to believe that. I’d like to think it was my pleas that broke him from whatever trance in which he seemed to have fallen, but the look in his eyes, after he killed those men, told me his mind was still trapped somewhere else. It told me whatever he saw while killing them wasn’t the same thing I saw.

Something thumps the back of the truck, and my muscles stiffen. The shouts are familiar, Cadmus, and the truck shakes, as if something is wrestling with him in the back. I snap my attention back toward the driver door, exhaling with relief when Valdys strides up. Through the window, I watch him glance to the side and shake his head, and I unlock the door as he approaches. When he slides in beside me, he looks beaten and weary. Battered with new cuts and gashes.

“Cadmus … is he?”

A flicker of a frown dances across Valdys’s face, as he shakes his head again, and when the screams from the back fade, and the truck settles, he fires up the engine. The lights flick on.

At the crash of shattering glass, I twist around to Neela’s teary-eyed face. No more than a breath later, she’s yanked through the passenger side window on a harrowing scream. I lurch to reach out for her, but too late, as a mutation pounces off into the darkness, with her body dragging behind it.

“No! No!”

A hard yank snaps me backward, as a second flash of white takes up the width of the window. Screams rip through my chest, when a claw reaches in, swiping for my legs. Valdys stretches across, taking hold of it, and cracks it in half with his bare hands. The mutation screeches and recoils only briefly, before reaching in again. The moment it grips my leg, its body is yanked back, and it releases me.

I scramble back against Valdys and peer through the window, where Titus wrestles with it in the dirt. In the distance, I see no sign of the other mutation that ran off with Neela.

Panic throbs in my chest, as Titus takes hold of its skull and rips it clean off it’s body, and I scan for Neela again. “We have to find her! We have to!”

Covered in blood and bits of flesh, Titus opens the passenger door and slides in beside me. “You’re not going to find her.” The grave tone of his voice tells me she’s either dead, or close to it. “They’re just like Ragers. It’ll find a nest and …. Either way, there’s no saving her now.”

The tug in my throat is a sob that I swallow back.

“Would you have left me?” I turn to Valdys, my body quaking with the will to keep from breaking down. “Would you have bothered to come for me?”

Valdys stares off a moment, and jaw clenched, he throws the truck in gear, heading in the direction Neela was taken.

The darkness of the desert whips past the window, as I sit between Titus and Valdys, and when the truck slows, I scoot forward, noticing an object lying in the dirt. A scrap of our yellow uniforms. At the foot of a small mountain, Valdys brings the truck to a stop and opens the driver door. I set to follow after him, but a thump hits my chest.

“You’ll stay with Titus.” There’s an unyielding command to his voice, laced with a small bit of anger, and I don’t fight him on it. Instead, I sit back into the seat and wait.

Through the windshield, I watch Valdys disappear inside a cavern.

“What happened to Cadmus?”

“I don’t know,” Titus answers quietly, resting his elbow on the edge of the bashed-out window beside him.

“Where is he?”

“Had to put him in one of those cages in the back.”

“Like the mutations?”

“I had no choice. Valdys thought he might hurt you. Or Neela.”

The thought of him trapped inside that suffocating box feels wrong, somehow. “He saved us back there. If he hadn’t … we would’ve …”

Running a hand down his face, Titus silently confesses his own guilt. “I saw him … tear away one of marauder’s arms. He bit down into it.”

In the silence that follows, I frown at that, trying to imagine such a thing.

“We’re no different than Ragers, or the mutations. The only thing that separates us from them is the small bit of humanity we cling to, and I’m afraid what little is left in Cadmus is slipping away.”

Movement at the mouth of the cavern is Valdys, covered in blood, as he carries something that dangles from his grip. In the path of the truck’s headlights, he tosses the mutation’s head onto the ground, and dread settles over me again.

With an air of abruptness, he throws back the driver door and climbs inside, his arm knocking into me. “She’s gone.” At the flat tone of his voice, I know not to ask any questions.

Tears swell in my eyes, as he shifts the truck in gear and we drive away.

CHAPTER 31

I unroll the sleeping bag, one of two I managed to scavenge from the back of the truck, onto the dirt beside the fire Titus built. Valdys hands me some of the jerky he found packed away in a box full of supplies and water. After the events of the evening, I don’t have any desire to eat, but I know I’ll need my energy, so I accept his proffered chunk of dried meat and take a sip from a canteen of water.

Sitting against a rock, beside which we’ve taken some measure of shelter, Valdys pulls his knees up and lets out a quiet grunt. I kneel down beside him, examining his new wounds, as Titus lies back on his sleeping bag, across from us, tucking his arms beneath his head.

A wide gash on Valdys’s bicep marks the swipe of a claw, and I reach inside the pack for the emergency kit I saw there.

“Stupid,” he says, as I pull an alcohol swab from the box of medical supplies. “You’d think they’d have had more soldiers to escort the truck.”

Setting the wet swab to his wound, I dab away the small bits of dirt along the jagged edge. “They weren’t transporting the truck to a new facility. They were delivering it to those men.”

Understanding seems to dawn on his face, and he shakes his head. “They wanted them to be set loose.”

“How many hives could those things destroy?”

He sighs, allowing me to twist his arm for the bottom half of the wound. “More than a horde of Ragers, I’d imagine.”

“And the Alphas are the only effective means they have of controlling them. Which means, they’ll be coming for us. For you.”

“Then, we keep driving. First light, we head north. There’s enough gasoline to put us miles from here.”

Once the wound is clean, I nab one of the sutures from the kit, and pass it through the flame, before setting it to the narrow tip of the gash. He doesn’t so much as flinch when I feed the needle into his skin.

“Where’d you learn to sew a wound?”

A smile stretches my lips, as I tug the suture and feed it through again. “I didn’t. My mother taught my sister and I to sew when we were young. Bryani was better at it, though.”

“Younger ones always are,” he says with a knowing smile, and I pause for a moment.

“You had a sibling.”

At his nod, I tug the line through each side of the wound, drawing the edges together as I go.

“A younger sister. Serena.” He glances down at the wound. “She knew how to sew, too.”

“What happened to her?”

“The raid. That was before they took the women and girls. I was eight when I saw my mother and sister shot in the head.”

“I’m sorry. I can’t even imagine what such a thing would ...” But I can. I can because I saw my own sister shot dead by the guards.

“They rounded up my father, my older brother, and me. When we arrived, they separated us into groups. My father told me not to be frightened. That they were only men, like us.” His eye twitches at that, and I close the last of his wound, giving a gentle tug to seal it. “They were nothing like us.” He stares off, as if he’s reliving the moment. “That was the last I saw of my father and my brother.”

“Do you know if they lived?”

Lips pressed together, he shakes his head. “I got word they’d been sent to the pathogen labs.” From what I understand, some of the subjects were taken to pathogen labs and injected with various strains of the Dredge, along with other infectious organisms to test the competitive nature of the disease. The ones sent there never lasted long. “They tell us to fear the Ragers. The disease. But at least the Ragers don’t hide what they really are.”

Setting my hand to his cheek, I lean forward and kiss him, letting my silent apology settle across his lips. His hand slips along my back as he pulls me onto his lap and holds me there.

“When I realized they’d taken you, when I thought about what they’d do to you in that camp, I wanted to burn this whole fucking desert to ashes.”

I run my thumb over his furrowed brow and kiss his forehead. “I knew you’d come for me. I knew you’d find me.”

“I’ll always come for you, Calithea. I’ll never leave you.” He pulls me in tighter, and I press my lips to his once more. Pressure against my cheek breaks the kiss, as he holds my face, his eyes turned away from mine. “Did they ...”

“They tried. They almost did.” I crane my head back toward the truck, where Cadmus remains trapped inside one of the cages. “He saved us.”

On a long exhale, he strokes his thumb over the vein in my neck and pulls me in for another kiss. One so fervent with passion, it’d buckle my knees if I weren’t already sitting. When he pulls away, he licks his lips and plants another kiss at my jawline. “What I wouldn’t do for you. There is no hell I wouldn’t walk through to get to you.”

“And I’d do the same for you.” It’s true, I’d face the gravest consequence for him. “It’s why I couldn’t let you stay in that cell one minute longer.”

Eyes softening, he strokes my jawline and smiles when he kisses me again. He lifts the sleeping bag, allowing me to settle inside, and climbs in after me. The feel of his body against mine, the muscles drawing me closer, the heat blazing off him, eases the tension that’s been running through me since Roz woke me earlier in the evening.

Roz. The thought of her leaves an ache in my heart.

Warm, calloused hands drag over my skin, and I lift my head toward Titus, see the easy rise and fall of his chest, his mouth slightly gaping.

Even with his friend having dozed off, likely oblivious to the two of us, Valdys doesn’t go anywhere near the place that throbs for his touch. Perhaps he thinks he’s giving me time, space to deal with what happened, but I need this closeness from him. I need his hands to erase the feel of that marauder’s on me. I want his breath on my neck, and his body pressed against mine, so that I might fall asleep with those thoughts in my head, instead of imagining what could’ve happened if Cadmus hadn’t stopped it.

With his chest pressed tight against my back, I take his hand beneath the covers and guide it over my hip. At his hesitation, I turn my head to the side and whisper, “Please, Valdys.”

Tucking his head against the back of my neck, he snakes his hand down inside my pants, stirring my body to life as he glides his finger along the seam of my bare sex. His body shudders against mine, and he kisses my shoulder as he dips his finger up inside of me.

I close my eyes and surrender to his ministrations, taking in the feel of his massive arm crossed over me, his big protective body shrinking me beside him. In the safety of his embrace, I breathe easy, and open myself to him like a desert flower touched by the first rays of morning light. Writhing and breathing, I reach back, take hold of his swollen cock, and squeeze as I run my hand up and down his thick shaft. Abandoning the strokes, I tuck my fingers into the waistband of my pants and slide them down to mid-thigh, then reach for his cock once more. Back arched against him, I line his tip to my entrance, and allow him to push up inside of me.

On a gasp, I turn my face into his bicep beneath my head and bite down, as he slides all the way to the hilt. The pressure inside of me fills my belly, and I let out a grunt through my nose, teeth still lodged in his flesh to keep from crying out. When he withdraws, I release him, and reach back to grip his nape, as he enters me again. Fingers still dancing over my sensitive flesh, he sets his lips to my neck and I rest the back of my palm on his outstretched hand that he curls over my knuckles, threading our fingers together. In slow and lazy strokes, he drives in and out of me, stirring the wetness that dribbles down my thighs.

“Valdys,” I whisper. “I don’t want this to end. I don’t ever want this to end.”

He lifts his head and kisses the edge of my neck, never once breaking rhythm as his tongue drags across my jawline.

I open my eyes to see Titus, staring at us from across the fire, both lonliness and longing swirling in his gaze, before he turns away.

An inexplicable sadness settles inside my chest, but I push those thoughts away for the exquisite pleasure humming through my veins.

Even if I wanted to, I can’t stop now, as Valdys hastens his pace, drawing his arm up over my body to my throat. Thighs slamming into mine, he squeezes my neck, scraping his teeth over my jaw as his muscles tense against me. Grunting and groaning, I can feel him stretching me, and I surrender to the sensations building inside of me. The tension in my muscles that quiver and tremble with the promise of what’s to come.

Small pants of breath escape me, as I close my eyes, tipping my head back. His grip grows tighter, squeezing just enough to make me dizzy. Until at last, the wave of heat crashes over me, pulsing inside of me, as it shoots through my veins, leaving tingles in its wake. I clamp my mouth to keep from crying out, the trapped breath shuddering through my nose. Our slick bodies glide against one another, as I feel his warmth filly my belly. The wall of muscle caging me in vibrates with tension, and he lets out a quiet sound of satisfaction, before he stills. Lying against each other, we breathe in sync, and he slides his hand down to my stomach, holding me against him, as he stirs the last of his erection inside of me. Instead of pulling out, he stays there, curling his fingers tighter into mine.

“You’ll be the death of me,” he says raggedly. “And I’ll welcome it.”

I smile, resting my hand over the arm stretched across me. How beautiful this moment is, our first taste of freedom, making love beneath the stars.

Contentment bathes my muscles, in the calm satisfaction that he radiates through my body, shadowed only by the sadness I feel for Titus. I don’t know why it troubles me to see him lying alone, but as I lay trapped in the arms of Valdys, a very small part of me longs to comfort his friend.

Exhausted, I close my eyes to those thoughts.

A hard thunk breaches the void, and I jolt awake, sitting upright. The fire still crackles and burns a hot red, while beside me, Valdys is already awake, also sitting upright. Across from us, Titus lies on his back, blowing out a sigh.

“Cadmus,” Valdys says, stroking my arm.

I lower myself back to the ground and exhale a breath, closing my eyes, as Valdys settles in behind me once more.

Thunk.

Eyes snapped open, I zero in on the sound, coming from the back of the truck, and that’s when I hear the low and muffled cries, almost inaudible over the crackle of fire.

Imagining him trapped inside that cage is enough that I can’t fall back to sleep, as I stare across our small camp, waiting to hear him again.

CHAPTER 32

Sleep weighs heavy on me, as I roll up the sleeping bag, while Valdys buries all evidence of our night here, kicking sand over the ashes left from the fire. Titus stands off a short distance, with a stream of urine shooting from between his legs.

I tip back the canteen for a sip of my water, and my gaze lands on the back of the truck. “He needs water. And food.”

Glancing back at the truck himself, Valdys reaches for the small rocks arranged in the circle that held the fire, and tosses them off behind a bush. “He’ll be fine for a bit. Let’s just get some distance today.”

“Valdys. It’s eighty degrees already. He’s got to be miserable in there.”

“Those cages are temperature controlled inside. He’s more comfortable than we are out here.”

Nibbling on my lip, I set my hand to my hip. “I heard him last night. He sounded in pain.”

He twists on the ball of his foot to face me. “What would you have me do, Cali? Let him out? He’ll be on you first, I guarantee it.”

“At least … just check on him. Maybe give him a sip of water before we go.”

With a groan, Valdys collects the rolled-up sleeping bag from my arms, and crosses the camp for Titus’s, before tromping off toward the vehicle.

I follow after him, but only get a few steps, before he swings around.

“Stay. You’re not going anywhere near him.”

With a nod, I do as he says, until he disappears into the back of the vehicle, and I shuffle across the hot sand toward the back. Peeking around the bed of the truck, I watch Valdys huff and press the button on the side, initiating the beeping sounds. The door pops and slides to the right.

On a roar, Cadmus charges toward Valdys, who pushes him back. By the look in his eyes, wide and determined, he isn’t trying to attack Valdys, or hurt him. I’m certain he’d make a formidable opponent, if that were the case. Instead, he seems to be trying to escape that box. In the scuffle, his gaze falls on me, where I stand hidden, and he slams a fist into Valdys’s face. The two wrestle each other, as Valdys wrangles him back toward the box, until one hard lob at Cadmus sends him flying backward, and Valdys closes the cage.

Hands set at either side of the silver box, he pauses, his back expanding and contracting with hard breaths. “I thought I told you to stay back,” he says, without bothering to look at me.

“I’m sorry. I just needed to see.”

He looks over his shoulder and turns to face me. “See what?”

“That he was okay.”

“What is your sudden interest in his wellbeing?”

I lower my gaze at the bluntness of his question, and here I am again, trying to explain something I can’t. “What will you do with him?” I ask, changing the subject.

“I’ll probably kill him at this rate. He’s a threat to all three of us. He’ll die out here in his state of mind, anyway, if I set him free.”

“He saved us back there, you know. If it hadn’t been for Cadmus, I can’t even imagine what those men would’ve done to Neela and me.”

With a frown, he looks away, as if my words have stabbed him in the heart. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there.”

“I’m not telling you this to wound your pride, but surely the man who spared me from something so horrible deserves more consideration than death.”

Lowering his gaze, he nods. “He does.”

We drive through open desert for hours, until the air turns cooler, thinner, without the dry bite. Much of the ride is in silence, aside from the few brief exchanges between Titus and Valdys, discussing supplies, and hives they once knew that have been leveled to empty gaps along the route. We pass small groups of Ragers that chase after the vehicle, and I watch them disappear in the side mirrors, behind clouds of dust, as we keep on. There was a time they were the most horrible monsters to walk the desert, but I’ve since learned there are some far more dangerous.

The sun hangs off to the west of us, dipping below the high mountains, by the time Valdys pulls the truck off the main path.

Titus points toward a mountain of rock that he seems to remember, from the days before he was captured by Legion soldiers. How he can remember so much of the landscape is a mystery to me, considering I don’t remember much, at all.

Even with the drop in temps, the sweat clings to my body, as we climb out of the truck and follow Titus along a path through the dusk colored rocks. Legs wobbly from the drive, I slip on a small plateau, and Valdys catches me from behind, setting me back on my feet. I pause at the constant sound that started as white noise, but has since grown louder. A steady hum that doesn’t seem to trouble either of the two, as we climb toward it. We traverse the tall stretch of rock, until my eyes are greeted by the most breathtaking view I’ve ever seen. In a clearing stands a long creek, flanked by shale and rock, and I trail my gaze along its path toward a majestic waterfall spilling into a crystal pool.

Like staring at a lucid dream.

With a burst of laughter, I slap a hand over my mouth, overcome by the awe and magnificence of this place. “It’s so beautiful!” I turn to Valdys, whose lips stretch with a more reserved smile, and he jerks his head toward the pool. “’The hell you waiting for?”

On a high of excitement, I climb down the rock, with Valdys and Titus at my heels, until I reach the edge of the creek. I don’t even remove my clothes, as I walk across the small jagged rocks that eventually turn into soft sand. The water bathes my ankles, while I wade deeper and deeper, until the silky fluids climb to my neck. All sound goes mute for the water rushing past my ears, as I dip below the surface to the quiet there, and it’s as if I’m in another world. Weightless and soothing, while it engulfs the wounds scattered across my flesh.

I’d stay submerged in it forever, if not for the tug at my chest, begging for air.

Standing on the rocks across from me, Valdys and Titus remove their shirts, and arms stretched over his head, Valdys dives in on a splash of water, disappearing below the surface.

With a smile, I glance around, waiting for him to come up for breath.

A force crashes into me, lifting me up into the air, as Valdys scoops me into his arms. Giggles and a scream fly out of me, when he hoists me over his shoulder and spins me around. The otherwise heavy world feels light, as he tosses me into the air, and I slip below the water’s surface again, reveling in the rush of fluids across my skin, before coming up for a breath.

He’s there when I surface again, wiping the excess water from his face, as he looks around. “I’d say this is a good place to set up camp for the night.”

Eyes trailing over the surroundings, I drink in the beauty of this seemingly untouched place, and I catch Titus standing beneath the waterfall, the monstrous Alpha collecting the rapid streams in his palms. Smiling, I turn back to Valdys. “I say we just stay here forever.”

Head tipped, Valdys cups my cheek, running his thumb across my stretched lips. “If that would keep this smile on your face, we will.”

I push through the water, and wrap my arms around his neck, allowing him to pull me in for a kiss. “It would.”

For the next hour, we swim and play beneath the waterfall with such childlike wonder. I don’t even remember being so carefree in my life. Surely, we had these moments with my mother, but they’re long forgotten for the misery I’ve lived since then. My clothes are a little more than damp by the time we set up a campfire on the shore.

“I’ll take one of the blades and see if I can scavenge some food.” Titus rifles through the supply bag and pulls a knife with a gut hook at one end of it. With so many resources, it seems unlikely that the soldiers would’ve perished in the desert, if not for stumbling upon the marauders so soon. But then, they’ve never lived beyond the safety of their wall to know much about survival out here. For those of us who are born into it, it seems innate.

“Don’t get into trouble.”

Titus raises a brow, before turning away, and I lower my gaze with a flare of embarrassment heating my cheeks, recalling the night before when he caught Valdys and me.

The wall of rock at the opposite side of the canyon is where he begins his hunt, as he makes his climb, and when he disappears behind it, Valdys moves in closer to me, urging me to lie down with him.

“I want to show you something.”

Easing onto my back, I lie beside him, and look up to the sky, where the moon has already begun its ascent, made almost translucent by the light still blazing from the sun.

“Do you see the edge of the moon?” he says, pointing toward it.

“Yes.”

“It’s visible where it faces the sun. It’s massive reflection illuminates the moon’s surface, and the rest hides in the darkness of space.” The way he articulates when he speaks tells me there is so much more depth to him than the killing machine into which he’s been made. “It’s incredible to think what lies beyond this world, isn’t it?”

Smiling, I turn my gaze to see him staring up at it, too. “If only we could hop inside a spaceship and fly away together.”

He rolls over my body, caging me beneath him, and tips his head forward for a kiss. “Cramped space. No gravity. Total blackness. You wouldn’t get sick of me?”

Wrapping my arms around his neck, I giggle at that and tug him to me for another kiss. “Never.”

“Then, I better get started on that ship.” His lips find mine again, and he dips his tongue, deepening it, while I lie beneath him. We kiss like this for a while, exploring every corner of our mouths, every flavor.

His kiss, this place—it’s heaven in the thick of hell.

And yet, a twinge of sadness aches inside my chest. As if he can sense it, Valdys tips his head, brows knitting with concern.

“What is it?”

I hesitate to tell him what’s troubling me, for fear of ruining this moment, but the nagging feeling won’t go away until I do. “Cadmus. We can’t leave him in that box.”

Huffing with exasperation, he pushes off of me until sitting beside me, and rests his elbows on his knees. “He can’t stay with us. I can’t risk that he’ll … hurt you. I will kill him, if he tries.”

“Valdys, I know you question my sudden concern for him but--”

“I don’t question it.” He keeps his gaze from me, his voice holding a somber tone. “I know why you feel that way.”

“You do?”

“You were never meant to be mine alone. You were made to bind with all three of us.”

Frowning, I shake my head at that. “No. No, Doctor Ericsson said I have your blood. It’s why I crave your scent.”

“You have Alpha blood. You crave my scent because they made it so, but it doesn’t keep you from sharing a bond with the other two.”

I chew on his words for a moment, and maybe that’s why I don’t crave them the same as I do Valdys. “They told me that, while in isolation, some Alphas have committed suicide, or tried to hurt themselves. They get so lonely that--”

“I know.” He offers a quick glance and nods. “I know what Alphas do in isolation.”

Of course he does. Valdys was no different when I first met him. Cold. Hard. Cruel, even. “I want to try to … help Cadmus. Maybe I can calm him.”

“Absolutely not. I won’t allow him near you.”

“He’s still in there somewhere, Valdys. I saw it. When those men … “ I swallow back the disgust churning in my stomach at the thought of them. “When they tried to hurt me, I called out to Cadmus. I saw a flicker of something in his eyes.”

“You set off a trigger. The same trigger Neela set off.”

“No. This was different. He didn’t hesitate. He went straight for the men attacking us, and he never once came after Neela and I afterward.”

He rubs the top of his head, and I hate that I’m backing him into this position. I hate that I’m forcing him to contemplate the consequences of if I’m wrong, but I can’t lie here beside a beautiful waterfall, beneath a gorgeous multicolored sky, and pretend that everything is perfect. Not when the man who fought on my behalf sits trapped inside a dark box.

“Let me try to calm him. To try to reach him.”

“What you’re suggesting is dangerous, at best.”

“Then, be there, in case something happens, but I need to try, Valdys. If you decide to kill him, or set him free, and he dies out here alone, I at least want the opportunity.”

“If you do, if it’s a success, he’ll want you for himself. That’s how it works.”

Setting my hand against his cheek, I smile. “You were mine from the beginning. You’re mine now. He can wish and want, but it’s you I choose. It’s you who has my heart, Valdys.”

Eyes closed, he huffs and shakes his head. “Let’s get this over with.”

CHAPTER 33

Standing before the silver box, which somehow seems bigger than before, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t just a little nervous. Cadmus might be slightly weakened in mind, but his body is still as strong as an Alpha’s.

I run my finger over the canteen strap slung across my body that could very well act as a means of strangling me, if Cadmus is ambitious enough.

Beside the box, Valdys stares back at me, his eyes holding both determination and uncertainty. “Bear in mind, I will not hesitate to kill him.”

Okay, maybe not so much uncertainty. “Only at my signal, or unless I’m knocked out and unable to speak.”

“You find humor in this.”

“A little, maybe?” With a nervous smile, I shrug. “Okay, no. But he is going to come at me, I’m certain of it. All I’m saying is, don’t make a move until I’ve had a chance to calm him.”

“Fine. But I know Cadmus better than you. And I won’t hesitate if my instincts tell me differently.”

“Deal.” Inhaling and exhaling a deep breath, I give him a nod, and the switch is flipped.

Heart pounding inside my throat, I wait for the door to slide open, and the moment it does, Cadmus lunges forward. Tripping over my own feet to get away, I fall backward onto the bed of the truck, and he scrambles up my body, mirroring the behaviors of a Rager.

In seconds, his hands are at my throat, eyes dilated and crazed.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Valdys lurch toward him, and I hold out my hand to stop him, while I attempt to pry his fingers loose with the other hand.

Setting my gaze square on Cadmus, I don’t so much as flinch. “Cadmus,” I rasp, as the air withers from my throat. “Cadmus!”

His grip doesn’t wane, as he squeezes my neck like he hopes to wring every drop of air out of my body.

Stars explode before me, the blackness on the fringes shrinking my field of view, and I lift my hand to signal Valdys.

“Cadmus, please!”

Caught by his neck where Valdys’s massive bicep nearly strangles him, Cadmus releases me, and as I roll to the side to suck in a breath, I catch the same flicker in his eyes that I saw back in the tent. A cross between clarity and sadness.

“Cali?” he asks, while Valdys drags him away.

“Wait.” Holding up my hand again, I cough and wheeze, gasping for air.

Valdys pauses, his arms flexing around Cadmus’s throat, as the two of them crouch across from me. Cadmus doesn’t fight, or scramble to get away, instead he frowns back at me, looking disoriented, as if he’s just awakened from a nightmare.

When the air finally fills my lungs again, I sit forward, onto my knees, and face the two of them.

“Cadmus?”

“I hurt you.” He lowers his gaze from mine, the lines of his furrowed brow deepening.

“I’m fine. It’s okay.” I slide closer, and he flinches against Valdys.

“Cadmus, I want to know … what happened to you down in those tunnels?”

He exhales sharply, and with his gaze still cast downward, he shakes his head, pulling at Valdys’s arm to get loose.

“Cadmus!” The sharp bite of my voice seems to stun him, and he snaps his gaze to me, eyes brimming with perplexity. “What happened to you? What did you see?”

He stills against Valdys, and stares off somewhere beyond me, and his gaze turns vacant as if he’s been transported back to that very moment. “They lowered me down into the ventilation shaft. Must’ve been four … five hundred feet down. I don’t know, for sure. The air got thinner. Colder. By the time I reached the bottom, I swore I fell into winter. I unhooked the line and turned the brightness of my light up. At either side of me were long stretches of dark, concrete tunnels that just seemed to go on forever.”

Perhaps sensing a calm in his voice, Valdys releases his throat and crouches beside him.

“I started walking in one direction, when I heard something in the other direction. I turned around and headed that way, instead. Felt like … something was watching me the whole time.” His throat bobs with a swallow, while his eyes remain fixed on the unseen visuals inside his head. “I lifted my flashlight, and I saw something ahead. A girl. I called out to her but she wouldn’t stop. I don’t know how long I chased after her, but somehow I lost her.”

His breaths hasten, brows flickering, as if panic is only on the fringes. “But then I heard this sound. This Godawful scream. So I followed it to a … cave. Something told me not to go inside, but I did, deeper and deeper, until it opened up to a room, a maze of tunnels made of dirt and stone. Gathered in the center of it were these … things.” His body trembles, and I watch the terror in Cadmus’s eyes brimming to the surface, turning his skin somewhat pale. “I’ve seen all kinds of things in that shithole. I’ve watched them turn men into fucking monsters, but I’ve never seen anything like these. They had no faces, just a mouth, but I’m certain they sensed me there, just by the way they turned toward me when I entered the room. Their skin was ghost white, like the mutations, but they didn’t look human. And they didn’t attack, at first. It’s like they wanted me to see what they were gathered around, because a few stepped aside. And those screams … those screams were so fucking loud inside my head. I lifted my flashlight, and I could see … a woman. Stuck to the wall in some kind of cocoon. Covered in a cluster of something that moved. I rushed toward her, knocking those faceless things out of the way. They still didn’t attack me. And when I reached her … I swear to fucking God she looked like you.”

His gaze lifts to mine, and I recoil at that, the cold, creeping sensation settling inside my chest. “All across her naked body were … all these … small, clear circular sacs clustered together. Like eggs. All stuck to her skin. Pulsing, like they were feeding off her. Like she was keeping them alive. And those faceless things were eating them.” He swallows again, lips peeled back in disgust. “I picked one of them up, and there was a fetus inside of it. A small, unformed baby with no face. It was attached to a cord, and it moved, like it was breathing, somehow.”

Hand pressed to my mouth, I shake my head, crystals of ice turning my spine stiff and cold.

“She was crying. Begging me to help her. She reached out for me. But then those faceless things … it’s like they knew I was there for something. That I was there to take something from them. I could feel them shifting around me. Getting restless. I could feel it on the back of my neck.” He reaches around to rub his nape and I notice he’s still trembling. “I ran out of there. Through those tunnels. I could hear them behind me. Growling. Scratching at the cement. I knew they weren’t going to let me leave. At first, I couldn’t find my way back. I was running through dark tunnels, searching for the rope. Finally, I found it. I hooked myself on. When I scanned the flashlight, they were all standing around me. Thousands of them, packed in either direction. I yanked the rope to send me back up, but it didn’t move. So I pulled myself up, and those things started after me, scratching and clawing at my legs and arms, trying to pull me back down with them.” He pauses to rub one of the scars on his arm, and I study it, noting the jagged nature of the wound, as if little needles were lodged into his skin. “Everything went black. When I woke up, Valdys and Titus were standing outside the door.”

Eyes brimming with tears, he lowers his gaze and shakes his head. “I swear she looked like you. And I left her there. I fucking left you.”

The sight of him brings tears to my eyes, and I reach out to touch him, but he flinches away from me.

“Cadmus, I’m right here. You didn’t leave me.”

A tear spills from the corner of his eye as he looks up at me. “I don’t know if I dreamed it all. If it’s all in my head, or real.”

It’s hard to say, when it comes to Calico. So many things I thought were real, like my sister surviving her gunshot wound, turned out to be lies. Nothing but a trick. That’s the nature of the place. They toyed with our minds. They made us crazy.

“You need some water. And food. We made a camp.” The only thing that could exacerbate his delirium is dehydration. I slide off the canteen I strapped across my body and open it up, offering him a drink.

He hesitates at first, but snatches it from my hand, and tips it back to gulp the fluids. The water dribbles down his throat, and in seconds, it’s gone.

“Are you hungry?”

He nods, wiping away the fluids from his face with the back of his hand.

A glance at Valdys, and I nod toward him, pushing to my feet, and all three of us exit the truck. Cadmus hobbles after, with Valdys following close behind, the tension in his muscles poised for an attack. When we reach the camp, darkness has settled over mountains, the waterfall lit only by the flicker of the fire we set earlier. Titus is still nowhere in sight.

I grab a piece of the jerky from the supply pack, offering it to Cadmus, whose skin still carries the dried blood from the battle with the marauders the night before. “Come to the water,” I urge him, and when I reach for his hand, he wrenches it away. “I just want to wash the blood off you, is all.”

He glances back at Valdys, as if he’s silently asking for permission, and I know something has shifted inside of him. The old Cadmus would’ve taken without asking--he made that clear, the night back in his room, when he insisted on having me one time. Scratching at his arm, he limps after me toward the pool, and Valdys stands by the edge, watching us, as I lead him deeper into the water. At chest level, I approach him cautiously, and when I set my hand to his arm, he twitches at the touch, but doesn’t push me away.

I scoop up some of the water and dump it over his skin, running my hand over the blood, the evidence of his carnage, down to his hands. The muscles in his arm contract beneath my palm, and I take note of how massive he is, even at his weakest. If he were so inclined, he could easily break me in half. So many scars mar his body—new ones with poorly healed edges that slip beneath my fingertips. The marks of recent tortures, the likes of which I can’t even fathom. There is no stretch of his skin that doesn’t bear the notches of punishment.

After another minute of scrubbing away the blood, his muscles seem to ease a bit, and maybe he’s even relaxed by my touch.

“I would’ve gone back for you,” he says, as I move around to his back. “I’d have been scared shitless, but I would’ve gone back down there for you.”

I lower my gaze, my heart aching at the thought of that, and I glance to the side, where Valdys watches on. “I wouldn’t have wanted you to,” I whisper.

“My mind is in hell, thinking about it. Imagining the things they’ve done to you.”

“It wasn’t me, Cadmus. I’m right here.”

“I still hear those screams. Every time I close my eyes, I hear them.”

“It could’ve been a trick. A game. They kept you in isolation.”

Chin to his chest, he shakes his head. “It was real. I felt it.”

I come around to his other arm, washing away the blood there, and I study the wound with the needle-like holes, running the pad of my thumb over it. “They’re so cruel and evil. They might’ve forced you to hallucinate. And hurt you while doing it.”

Dousing his shoulder, I run my hands over the long sinewy fibers of muscle, and feel his fingertips reach out beneath the water. Bunching my shirt, he draws me closer, as Valdys stands oblivious to his movements below the surface, and he runs his hand across my stomach. “I wanted to stay with you.”

Even after what he saw? Surely, he must be out of his mind. I can’t fathom the level of horror, watching such a thing.

“If I couldn’t have you here, maybe I could have you there.”

“Cadmus …” My voice is a warning, and I break from his touch, moving to the front of him, where Valdys can see me again.

“I forget what it feels like.” The wobble in his voice draws my gaze to his, and I can see a flicker of vacancy returning to them. Hopelessness, perhaps. “I forget how it feels to be human. To be touched.”

As I draw my palm down his chest, he captures it, forcing my hand into the water, across the ridges of his abdomen, and closes his eyes. As if the touch of my hands alone are enough. “It was sickening to see all those eggs covering her body. All those tiny, faceless things. I don’t know if they came from her belly, or not.” Tipping his head toward me, he opens his eyes, and guides both our hands to my stomach where he touches me possessively. “But it made me think, what if I could put a baby in you. I could watch it grow inside of you. Watch it suckle your breasts and feed from you.”

He’s clearly ill, talking the kind of nonsense that would’ve kept him in isolation until he killed himself, if we were back in Calico. Whatever happened, whatever they did, it severely messed with his head.

Before I can stop him, he leans forward, resting his head in the crook of my neck, and I turn to see Valdys frowning from the shoreline. I wave him over, and when he steps toward us, I push Cadmus away.

Hands reach out beneath the water, yanking me against him. “Please.”

Splashing comes from the right, where Valdys storms through the water toward us. With one hard shove, he knocks Cadmus backward. And just like that, the two of them are splashing around the water, punching and falling, like lions fighting over a kill. However weak Cadmus may have looked before, he’s certainly not lost his physical strength, as he volleys a punch for every hit he takes.

Helpless, I stand on the fringes of their scuffle, searching for a way I can get between the two and put an end to this madness--perhaps as stupid as wishing to step between two rabid dogs.

“Stop this! Both of you!” My screams fall on deaf ears, as Valdys wraps his hands at Cadmus’s throat and shoves him underwater. Bubbles emerge, where the last breaths expel from Cadmus, and in spite of my better judgement, I pull at Valdys’s arm. “Stop this! I don’t want him to die!”

For the first time in the last few minutes, my words have some effect, as Valdys releases Cadmus, pushing him away.

“He’s sick. Whatever they did to him, it’s changed him.” One hand on my hip, I thread the other through my hair and shake my head. “He’s … talking nonsense.”

Cadmus emerges from the water, coughing and sputtering fluids, and I’m caught between wanting to go to Valdys, and wanting to help Cadmus to his feet. Instead, I stand between the two, frustrated when Valdys makes his way back toward the shore. My head scrambles for something to say to him, so that he doesn’t think I’m choosing one over the other, but I won’t risk saying the wrong thing. “Valdys, wait.”

Shaking his head, he doesn’t slow his pace. “You’d have to be blind, or a fool, not to see what he wants.” The words burn past his lips, and I realize what an incredibly complex organ the heart is, that it can draw fire and ice from the same breath.

A slap of dismissal.

“I don’t want to fight you,” Cadmus says, in a voice calmer, more lucid than before. “I know I’ll lose where she’s concerned.”

Valdys halts midstride, but doesn’t bother to turn around.

“You’re like a brother to me.” As Cadmus rises to his feet, the water sinks to his chest level again. “We survived hell together. Do you remember that first night in S Block?” He pauses, and when Valdys doesn’t answer, he keeps on. “The pain? So much pain, we thought we’d die by morning. You told me, Hang on, Josiah. Hang on because we’re going to make it.” That must be his real name, the birthname that was stripped from him when he arrived to Calico. “We’re going to live, you said. And we did.” Even in the moon’s light, I can see the shine of tears in his eyes. “We lived. And now? I feel like I’m dying again, Valdys. Watching you with her. I know she isn’t mine to take. I wouldn’t take from my brother. I won’t take from you.”

Valdys’s shoulders sag, and I know he’s listening.

“But after what I saw down there … it’s like a constant loop inside my head.” Panic rising to his voice, he rubs his hands back and forth over his skull, clenching his jaw, and his eyes are on me. “I just wanted to touch her. I wanted her to know I was there, too. I’d give anything to feel her and have her look at me as she did down in those tunnels. Like I was the only one who could save her.”

I don’t want Cadmus in the way he’s convinced he wants me. I don’t want to be his. But there is an innate and indescribable yearning to help him, as I suspect I’m the only one of us who can. To do so requires the touch he seems to think will erase whatever images play inside his mind. The kind of touch whose absence has made him violent and unreachable, just as Valdys was in the beginning. It’s the masochist inside of me who thinks she can save him, but the pessimist who doubts the outcome.

“It’s my blood that runs through her, too. Alpha blood,” Cadmus says, unwittingly answering the questions to my thoughts. “It’s why she can’t say no. It’s why she promised herself to me that night. Before they sent me down there.”

When Valdys turns to face me, there’s disappointment and hurt swirling in his eyes, which he wouldn’t dare admit to Cadmus. “Is this true?”

The look on his face churns a sick feeling in my stomach. “I … agreed on the grounds that he would release me. That he would no longer interfere with you and me. No matter what they tried to force on us.”

“Do you want him that way? Is that it?”

“I want you, and only you. That’s the only reason I agreed to it.”

His gaze shifts from me to Cadmus. “And you would’ve conceded. You would’ve been content to give her away afterward. After that one night.”

“Yes.”

Valdys scoffs, and his jaw tightens as he shakes his head. “Then, I know for certain you’ve not had her that way. Because there isn’t a chance in hell you’d give her up so easily, if you had.”

Part of me is relieved that he knows nothing happened between us. A much bigger part of my heart is crushed by his words, though, and once again, I hate myself for putting him in this position.

“She is the breath of air, when you’re drowning. The warmth on your skin, when the world feels colder. The sun that draws the universe into her embrace.” Valdys lowers his gaze and frowns, as if he’s contemplating so many things at once, and when his eyes meet mine again, the conflict in them hasn’t gone away. “I suppose it isn’t fair for me to keep you to myself.” He rubs his thumb over the palm of his hand, perhaps needing the distraction. “Women are few and far between in this world. And women like you are even more scarce. I was greedy for you. I’m still greedy and selfish, when it comes to you, Cali. He’s my brother, and yet, I’d sooner watch him die than put his hands on you.” With a sigh, he casts his gaze away then back to me. “But I know part of you would die, too. It’s not something you can help. It’s something that was forced on you through this binding. And that, I can’t live with.” The lines in his forehead deepen, while he stares somewhere past me, perhaps seeing things he can’t bear to imagine. “Is this what you want? To be with him?”

“No. I just want to help him. That’s all.”

“And yet, in his mind, there’s only one way.” At my frown, he continues. “During our tortures, you were given as a balm. The pleasure to our pain. Reward for suffering. We became primed to your face and your voice. Hallucinations designed to make us want you more than anything else. I knew the sound of your moans before I was ever with you, because I’d heard them inside my head. I’d already imagined your body against mine.” His eyes slide to Cadmus. “That’s what he wants from you. That’s the help he craves, and why he can’t let you go. It’s like a drug. A physical withdrawal.”

“I want you, Valdys.” Tears swell in my eyes, and I blink them away to keep the emotion from touching my words. “In a perfect world, that’s all that would matter to me. You’re everything—warmth, air, water, the sustenance I crave to live. It troubles me to see him suffering, and if the alternative is to end him for it, I can’t accept that. But for him to think that I’m his only comfort is more of a curse than fortune.” The idea that I was reward for their brutal suffering twists my stomach into deep knots of guilt.

As much as I try to push the thoughts away, there’s a nagging reality that he wouldn’t be this way, if it weren’t for me. He wouldn’t have been sent to the tunnels, and he might not be in the state of mind he’s in now.

Cadmus needs help. The kind he isn’t going to find out in the middle of the desert. The kind that requires attention and care that doesn’t come from mere affection from me. But this is the nature of our decimated world. What we need to survive, to thrive here, rests in the hands of those who would sooner watch us kill ourselves for it. All I have to offer him is my touch, and I’m not even certain it will make a difference. Even if, in the absence of it, we become withdrawn, cold and imperceptible, physical contact alone isn’t going to save Cadmus.

I don’t know how to fix him. How to fix what I’ve done to him.

“Just once. I swear to you, I won’t ask again.” Cadmus’s voice from behind carries the desperation of a man whose mind is lost. The old Cadmus would never beg this way, far too bold and unapologetic compared to the man that stands here now. “I want to feel her. I want to feel again.”

He believes I’m his cure. Maybe I am. Or maybe this is another of Calico’s vicious torments that’ll leave us all in tatters afterward.

It seems I was promised to all three, but it’s always been Valdys that I choose. A lesson I’m certain was intentional, to dispel any acts of defiance against the Alpha Project. One that Doctor Ericsson undoubtedly laughs about even now.

“I’m not offering my blessings to watch another man lay his hands on my female. If not for your feelings toward him, and mine toward you, I’d fight to the death to keep that from happening. And I don’t honestly believe one time will be enough to slake this thirst he has for you, but if it’s a deal we strike to ensure he doesn’t touch you again, I won’t stand in the way of it.” Valdys lifts his gaze toward Cadmus, his eyes darkening. “Know that I will uphold those terms. And I swear to you, Cadmus, if you hurt her, I’ll take my pleasure in watching you suffer for it.” He turns away from me, headed back toward the shore, but I grab his arm.

Cadmus has pined for me since the beginning, and it’s clear the Alpha still covets me, even after what’s happened to him. My guess is, he won’t stop, which may prove dangerous. Might even get worse. The alternative is leaving him here alone in the desert, where he’ll undoubtedly perish in his state of mind. There’s a small part of me that wonders if that might be best, that maybe we’re prolonging the inevitable. It’s only my concern for a man who saved my life that refuses to entertain such a thing.

“This isn’t about his thirst. I don’t know what was done to you, or me, or Cadmus, but we are connected, whether we want to believe that, or not. I don’t understand what it means that Alpha blood runs through my veins. All I know is, whatever happened to him back at Calico, to all of you, I’m not blameless for it. Your pain is my own.”

“Enough with that.” He lurches toward me, gripping my chin. “You owe us nothing. You owe him nothing!”

“Valdys.” A quick glimpse of Cadmus shivering and twitching, as he stands in the water, and I lower my voice. “One time with me isn’t going to fix him, I know that. But maybe he needs to find that out himself.”

“I’d venture to say you’re wrong.” The resolution in his eyes is enough to crush my chest, and I have to look away from him. “I’ll stay near to ensure he doesn’t harm you, but I will not stand here and watch him take from you.”

“Wait.” The thought of being alone with Cadmus takes hold, prompting me to cling to Valdys.

“You think the walls of our cells were so thick that I couldn’t hear the way he took his pleasure?”

“I won’t do this, then. You’re right. It’s foolish of me to think I can save him this way, anyway.”

His shoulders sag, and he shakes his head. On a huff, he cups my cheek, his thumb running over my cheekbone. “I know firsthand how capable your touch is of saving a man’s life. It’s his that I fear would change you afterward.”

“Then, show him how to touch me without taking.”

He turns his face from me again, the very thought of such a thing assuredly repulsing him, but then his eyes shift with contemplation.

“I don’t understand what my role is in this binding between us, or why I was forced to be shared by three, but I know without question that you are my Alpha. My Champion. You’ve always been and will be.” I reach for his hand and lead him back to me, back to the water, and as I tug him to my lips, I see his eyes are on Cadmus. Watching the other Alpha. This doesn’t stop him, though, as he lifts me into his arms and carries me deeper, where Cadmus waits, and sets me down, between the two of them.

I feel encased in a wall of muscle and desire. There’s a moment of quiet and stillness, some exchange of stares between the two Alphas, and Valdys gives a sharp nod, as if Cadmus silently asked permission. Rising up on tiptoes, I pull Valdys in for another kiss and feel Cadmus set his hands beneath my shirt, against my waist.

His hands are foreign to me this way, and instinct begs me to push him away for touching me so tenderly, like that of a lover. At the same time, he’s careful and attentive, like Valdys. He brushes my hair away from my neck and kisses my shoulder over the fabric, while Valdys draws me in deeper, distracting me with his lips.

An edge of tension burns through Valdys, in his lips that turn to more fervent kisses, and the muscles flexing in his arms, as if he’s imagining his hands throttling Cadmus for touching me.

Placing my hand to his cheek, I break his kiss and peer into his eyes, holding his stare, while Cadmus kisses along the edge of my neck. I want Valdys to know my thoughts are of only his hands and lips on my body, and I close my eyes to kiss him again.

The edginess from before eases a bit, and I feel his hands snake their way beneath the hem of my shirt, lifting it as he runs his palms up my belly to my breasts.

I stand shivering, in spite of the arid warmth and the heat given off by the two of them. My heart is pounding an incessant beat of sudden uncertainty. I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know how to be shared by two, and as if he can sense my anxiety, Valdys cups my face in his hands and kisses me again, the assurance on his lips somehow providing a calming effect to the growing distrust of my body.

He bends forward lifting my shirt to take one of my nipples into his mouth and lowers himself to his knees. Even at that height, he could swallow me with his form. My flesh pebbles beneath the gentle lap of his tongue, as he licks and sucks, and I arch my back against Cadmus who buries his face in my neck. Dragging his nose up to my jawline, his hot breath hits the drops of water across my throat, sending shivers down my spine. I’m exposed and vulnerable, somehow wired to the two of them, as every nerve ending flares to life, and I expel a sharp exhale that Cadmus captures in his mouth as he slants his lips over mine. His kiss is soft and reverent, and he holds my jaw to keep me from breaking away. The lack of breath leaves me dizzy, almost drunk on the intoxicating mix of pain and excitement on his tongue. I can feel the torment beating through him, the unspoken agony that festers at his very core. Not unlike Valdys the first time we were together.

Greedy hands slide over my skin, touching, squeezing, exploring every curve of my body.

It occurs to me that there’s enough power between the two of them to break every bone with these hands, and yet, the gentle glide of their palms has only stoked a hum of excitement beneath my skin. I surrender myself to the two of them, the tension in my muscles softening with their attentive caresses.

Wet palms slide down my trembling thighs, as Cadmus snakes his hands inside my pants, taking a moment to run his fingers over my hip and pubic bone.

I suspect the silence between the two is Cadmus’s best effort not to set Valdys off and bring his enjoyment to a crashing halt, but I appreciate it just the same.

Valdys imparts the same attention to my other breast, his thumb lightly circling the other swollen nipple as the water adds a slippery layer between my flesh and his fingers.

A palm slides up my thigh, and I feel Cadmus’s shaky breath fall against my neck, as his fingers circle my entrance, prodding me with a warning. He guides my arm behind my back, his hand set over mine, as he curls our hands around the base of his shaft, squeezing when he draws our hands up toward the tip. Perhaps only half for his pleasure, but also to show me the pain I would endure with his girth. He escorts my hand back down his length, painting a picture inside my head of what he’d feel like.

I focus on the texture of his flesh, the bumps and ridges that weren’t there the night he put my hands on him before being dragged away to the tunnels. These are the jagged edges of wounds and scarring, of mutilation and inflicted pain. Frowning, I allow his hand to impart a dark and horrific story of a man who was made to suffer. It’s a mental diversion to the ministrations of both men, one that begs me to pull my hand away from him, but I don’t. I allow him to reveal the extent of his punishment and blink away the tears so Valdys doesn’t think it’s Cadmus who’s hurt me.

This isn’t lust, or sex. It’s a silent confession of the hell that breathes within him.

As the I stroke him, he slips his hand around my throat, squeezing enough to part my lips on a gasp, but quickly loosens his grip--I suspect at the look of disapproval Valdys gives him.

Gaze trailing up to Cadmus, Valdys massages both of my breasts, his jaw tight, while I writhe against him in obvious torment from both Alphas. “Gentle,” he warns.

Cadmus releases my hand from his cock, offering some reprieve to my excruciating remorse, and buries his face in my hair, exhaling a shaky breath. “For you? I’ll be gentle.”

An arm bands around my midsection, sending me forward just enough that I fall into Valdys, still on his knees. Stroking his thumb down my temple, Valdys stares back at me, as I clutch his shoulders, undoubtedly taking notice of my preoccupation that’s more for Cadmus than myself.

Eyes closed over tears, I wait for his intrusion to disclose the full scope of his pain and vexation. The agony within him that’s sure to bleed into me with every spiteful thrust.

Seconds pass.

I look up to see Valdys watching him, his brows pinched with confusion.

Before I can turn around, Valdys jumps to his feet, his jaw and muscles tight. One hard yank tears at my shoulder and the water rushes past me, as Valdys puts himself between me and Cadmus. Around his massive body, I peek to find Cadmus clutching his skull, his face screwed up in agony. An angry bellow echoes through the canyon, skating down my spine, and those wounds I felt across his flesh earlier flare to life inside my head.

Quaking with tension, his chest rises and falls, his eyes lost and vacant again.

“Cadmus?” Sidestepping Valdys, I feel a tight grip on my arm and pause.

Valdys shakes his head, his gaze flicking between Cadmus and me.

I take his arm and gently run my thumb over his skin. “Please.”

There’s trepidation in his eyes, telling me he doesn’t trust Cadmus, but when I pry his fingers loose, he doesn’t fight me. Instead, he stands poised, ready for attack.

Quiet mumblings draw my attention back to Cadmus, whose hands have moved to covering his ears. Eyes clamped, he whispers to himself, words I can’t make out over the white noise of the distant waterfall.

Careful not to startle him, I reach out and set my hand against his arm. “Cadmus?”

He recoils, eyelids shooting open, and jumps back from me. Water splashes around him with his backward tripping, and he catches himself again.

“Cadmus what happened just now?”

Lowering his gaze, he frowns and shakes his head, scratching at the needle wound on his arm. “Fuck, I can’t do this. I can’t.”

“Your scars. They hurt you?”

His jaw hardens, his eyes swirling with contempt. “Isn’t as pretty as it used to be, is it?”

“What did they do to you?”

The shine in his eyes brings me to tears, but he doesn’t answer. The defeat staring back at me speaks of every mutilating strike against him. Whatever he’s suffered, it’s destroyed him, both mentally and physically.

He closes his eyes for a moment, as a tear streaks down over a scar on his face, and shakes his head.

I reach out to touch him, and he captures my hand, his eyes burning with venom. He must catch sight of Valdys, and he releases me. With my thumb, I wipe the trail of his tear from his skin. “They did horrible things to you.”

His eyes sweep over everything but me, as if he can’t stand to look at me. “You don’t think I know what this is? A pity fuck. Poor Cadmus. Let’s give a consolation fuck to make him feel better. Piss on you. Piss on both of you!” The tension in his voice carries the sharp bite of anger that he keeps tucked behind his clenched teeth. “You’re the reason those scars are there.”

“Cadmus! Enough!” Valdys’s voice thunders from behind me, and the splash of water is a signal of his intent to attack, but I reach back to stop him, shaking my head.

Tears swell in my eyes, and I have to turn away from Cadmus, because as much as I want to throw those words back in his face, the truth is, they hurt. I swallow back the wobble in my throat and sniff. “Whatever pain I’ve caused you, I’m sorry.” I step toward him and rest my hand against his chest, which flinches beneath my palm. As much as it pains me to stare into the darkness behind his eyes, the depths of which likely hold terrors I can’t even begin to imagine, I don’t look away from him. “You don’t have to say anything.”

The first evidence of shame flickers across his face. A shaky blast of air expels from his nose as he lowers his head, a sob breaking through his teeth. I wrap my arms around him, drawing myself against him, and rest my head to his heart. Every tremble of his muscles beats through me in a constant rhythm of pain and misery, and I hold him tighter, letting him break down.

His massive arms engulf me, and he falls to his knees, burying his face in the crook of my neck. “Fuck,” he whispers. “I’m so fucked.”

“You’re not. You’re going to be okay.” I stroke his shaved head, laying a kiss to the top of it. “We’re all going to be okay again.”

Beside the fire, the three of us lie on outspread sleeping bags, Cadmus breathing easy, the occasional twitch of his muscles telling me he’s fallen asleep behind me. I tell myself that, up until the point Cadmus succumbed to his nightmares, what happened between us wasn’t sexual. It wasn’t fantasy, but a small bit of comfort that I could give to a man whose blood runs through me. One who saved my life by sparing me the nightmares that I can see plague him. I don’t know what those scars are, and as much as it troubles me, I can’t bear to ask him. He’s not the same man he was before they took him away, though, this much is certain.

My hope is that, someday, I’ll catch that wily smirk on his face and know the man has finally conquered the demons battling inside of him. For now, I’m content with knowing he sleeps in what appears to be some level of peace.

Valdys lies on his back, staring up at the stars again. I think this is what I love most about him. That a man so strong and domineering can possibly be tempered with a gentle touch and attention to things most of us take for granted. He’s the most extraordinary thing that’s ever happened to me in my eighteen years. And yet, I harbor this inexplicable fear of losing him. Maybe the guilt still lingers inside me, but the nature of this world is to take, and somehow I feel as if wanting forever with him makes me too greedy for it.

It’s a wonder we fall in love, at all. Sometimes, I think we’re all just innately drawn to heartache. Why else would we dare to fall so deeply, knowing what consequences may lie ahead?

“You’re not angry with me? For allowing him to touch me?” I wouldn’t blame him if he was. Seeing him with another woman would crush me in ways I can’t begin to fathom. But then I think of Neela, and I try to imagine how differently she might’ve been, with someone like Valdys. How his soothing touch might’ve given her one moment of light in the dark world that ultimately consumed her.

For her, I might’ve been willing to sacrifice one night with him, as well.

“My love for you goes beyond flesh. Beyond reason. There isn’t anything you can do to change that.” His lips press against mine, assuring me, comforting me, as only he can, before his gaze returns to the sky.

Twinges of panic beat inside my chest. A man isn’t supposed to be this understanding. This kind and loving. It’s unbalanced for the years of pain and loss I’ve come to know.

“What else is troubling you?”

I tearfully smile at his ability to read me without even having to look. “I’m afraid. Afraid that I might love you too much.”

“Is that possible?”

I’d chuckle at that, but the anxiety inside of me seems to have doubled in the last hour while lying beside him. “Nothing in this world is given, only taken, and I fear you’ll be taken from me. I have nightmares about it. And there’s nothing that would be more painful than losing you.”

He breaks his stargazing to kiss me on the forehead. “It would take all of hell to pull me away from you, and the army would have to be exceptional.”

“It is. Legion is the biggest army there is.”

Lifting his head, he guides my eyes to his, until all I want to do is drown in that stormy gray sea. “And they still couldn’t keep me from you.”

I tip my head back to kiss him, promising myself I’ll not ruin these moments with him for things I can’t control. “What was your name before? Before Calico?”

“Cyrus. It’s been so long since I’ve heard it, doesn’t feel like mine anymore.” With a sigh, he mindlessly runs his finger up and down my shoulder, springing goosebumps there. “Sometimes, I hear my mother call to me in dreams. But it holds nothing for me. No memory. No meaning.”

I don’t say anything in response, and instead watch him tip his head back toward the sky, enthralled by the wonder gleaming in his eyes.

“I never thought I’d see stars like this again,” he says. “Had I not followed you, had I not met you, I doubt I ever would have again.”

Tracing my finger down his square jaw, I smile. “I’m glad you followed me.” I tip my head to the sky, too. If there is such a thing as Heaven, I’ve touched it.

In a world that takes so much and gives nothing in return, I’ve found reason to be grateful with Valdys.

A crackle snaps my attention to the opposite side of the fire, where Titus stands, holding a half dozen rabbits by their ears. He jerks his head, and I follow the path of his gaze toward Cadmus, who hasn’t stirred, even with the sound of Titus’s footsteps. At the query in his eyes, silently asking whether Cadmus is okay, or not, I give a solemn nod.

In truth, I don’t know if he’ll be okay. I’ve seen horrors in my life, the likes of which I hope to never see again, but all of them fall short when compared to what now churns inside the Alpha’s head.

CHAPTER 34

Somehow, two days pass in this hidden paradise. We spend the afternoons playing in the waterfall, wasting the hours away like children, and nights are spent lying beneath the stars.

What happened with Cadmus wasn’t a mistake, I’m certain of that now, as I’ve watched him slowly reconnect over the last couple days. Though, he still has his moments, particularly at night, when dreams seem to transport him back to those tunnels. Those nights, he wakes, bellowing my name, and he wraps himself around me, until he falls back asleep. For the most part, though, he’s relaxed somewhat, the beauty of this place working its magic on his state of mind. My hope is, in time, we can all move on from the trauma we suffered together.

It wasn’t out of necessity, or because I was programmed by Calico to be shared by these men, that I offered myself to him. What I did for Cadmus was born out of compassion. Something beyond flesh and fantasies. A concept that would’ve been rejected in the world my mother grew up in, where the power of human touch was thought to be silly magic likened to witchcraft.

One might argue that’s how we arrived in this world, where rampant cruelty has stripped us of such basic needs of contact and affection. The one thing that separates us from other animals, and without it, we are nothing more than empty shells waiting to be swept away. Maybe we evolved into this violence.

This evening, Valdys has joined Titus on the hunt for food, hoping to double the bounty for our travels, leaving me with Cadmus. Even in his moments of play and laughter, Valdys has remained ever vigilant. Always watching. Waiting. As much as we’ve grown to love this little oasis, he insists that we leave at first light.

The fire crackles as I sit beside it, my legs tucked into my body, watching Cadmus emerge from the pool. He shakes off the water, before toppling beside me on the dirt, and I giggle as cold drops from his body shower me.

As he settles at my side, I elbow him in the arm. “How are you? Feeling better?”

“I have moments … it’s hard to tell what’s real and what’s a dream. Like here. Right now with you. I’m waiting for the world to split open to a dark cavernous hole and suck me in.”

“Verisimilitude.”

“What?”

“When my father died, I used to have horrible daydreams, too. I swear I’d see him, sometimes, like a mirage in the desert. My mother told me that if my father ever spoke that word to me in one of my dreams, that it likely wasn’t him, because he could neither say, nor knew, the meaning of the word.”

Cadmus smiles at that and gives a nod. “Veri … simi …”

“Verisimilitude.”

“Verisimilitude.” He repeats the word and hikes a knee up, resting his elbow atop of it. “Now, how does that help me?”

“It’s not for you. It’s for me. If ever I ask if you’re okay, and you tell me that word, I’ll know it’s really you in there. Assuming you remember how to say it.” I brush my finger over the stubble of hair on his head. “If not, I’ll know to wrap you in my arms and hang on to you, until you come back.”

His smile stretches, and he links his thick fingers into mine. “Verisimilitude.”

A sound echoes through the canyon, and I snap my head up.

Cadmus seems to have heard it, too, as he sits forward, scanning the waters.

Another sound, much like the first, reverberates again, like a distant roar, and I listen carefully, wondering if it’s human. Footsteps splashing through water arrives from the left of me, and I push to a stand, watching a figure stumble into the camp.

Chest heaving, Titus trips, tumbles to the ground, and pushes back to his feet. As he nears the fire, I take notice of the blood glistening off his body.

“Titus? Where’s Valdys?” I search beyond him, but there’s nothing except empty darkness. “Where is he? Where’s Valdys?”

His face screws up in such a way that makes my stomach sink with dread. Terror pulses through my veins, and at the sound of approaching footsteps, I back away on instinct.

No. Please, God, no.

Five Legion soldiers step into view, and as they draw near, Cadmus pushes me behind him. All five carry guns, and those spears they use back in Calico to subdue the Alphas.

Ones they must’ve stabbed into Titus, because he wavers on his knees, until he collapses in the dirt.

My heart is slamming against my ribs, as there’s no sign of Valdys. “Where is he! What did you bastards do with him?”

Stepping between the soldiers is a smaller man, the sight of whom thrums panic through my muscles. Donned in the same black uniform as the soldiers, Doctor Tims is almost unrecognizable, if not for his snake-like smile. “Good evening.” He glances around the camp, and his beady eyes behind those thin glasses fall on me again. “Beautiful spot you’ve chosen to make camp.”

“Where is he?”

“Who, Valdys? He’s on his way back to Calico.”

Dread churns and twists in my gut. Tears well in my eyes, as the world grows heavy around me, and I sink to my knees. “No.” The whole universe feels as if it’s caved in on me, and I wonder if it’s best that I don’t fight them. That I let them take me back to that place, as well, because at least I’d be near him. Even if they take joy in tormenting the two of us, keeping us apart, I’ll be near him.

“Where’s Neela?”

I don’t answer him right away, with my head swirling around the many scenarios laid out before me: turn myself over, force them to kill me and take the memories of Valdys to my grave, or run.

“Where is she!” The thunder in his voice echoes through the canyon, and delirious with shock, I lift my gaze to his.

“Dead.”

“Dead,” he echoes, and turns to the officers, giving a nod.

They lurch into motion, and as they near, Cadmus swings out, knocking one of the soldiers to the ground. Four others charge forward, jabbing their spears, as he backs me to the wall behind us.

“Stop! Stop! Okay! I won’t fight!” Cadmus holds his hands up, twitching again.

Oh, God, no. I can’t afford to lose him to this. I won’t have the strength to fight alone.

He lowers his head, turning away from the soldiers in the same submissive stance as when we were back at the marauders camp, but this time, he whispers, “Verisimilitude.”

A wave of relief crashes over me, quickly doused by the soldiers who lead him away from me.

Doctor Tims steps forward, and with my back pressed against the wall, there’s nowhere for me to go. Blackness flies toward my face, and a hard smack against my cheek sends me tumbling to the ground.

Through the dizzying ache of my jaw, I look up to see Doctor Tims glance back toward Cadmus, who stands flanked by the other soldiers, twitching and trembling.

His cold eyes turn to me once more. “He’s certainly not the soldier he was before, is he?”

“He never was,” I correct, pushing to my feet again. “That’s the problem, wasn’t it? You couldn’t control them yourselves.”

“He looks fairly controlled to me now.”

“Because you’ve destroyed his mind. You tricked him with hallucinations.”

“Whatever works.” Hands crossed behind his back, Doctor Tims paces in front of me. “You, on the other hand, are weak. Nothing like Neela. Or your sister, for that matter.”

“What would you know of my sister? She’s dead.”

“Perhaps.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Are you sure you want to open that box, Cali? The truth is a little unsettling.”

Thoughts swirl inside my head, taking me back to the night when Medusa confessed Bryani had died that day. “A gunshot wound killed her.”

“A gunshot wounded her. She was basically braindead after, so in some ways, I guess you’re not totally wrong.”

A cold, sick feeling settles in my stomach and crawls up the back of my spine, as his words begin to unravel inside my head. He’s as deranged as any of the doctors at Calico, but the only one who has offered some truths. And something tells me this one will haunt me more than the lies. “What did you do?”

“You see, when a normal female becomes impregnated by an Alpha, it’s inevitable that she dies. We watched it time and time again, with countless female subjects. Your sister cared for those women. And she became quite attached to them. She believed in our quest for the cure. So, as an ode to her, we thought we’d try a different approach, by impregnating an unconscious female. One whose brain couldn’t produce the same proteins.”

The first tremble of rage snakes beneath my skin, boiling inside my veins, while I watch him pace again.

“To our surprise, she was the first subject to deliver late in the third trimester. Unfortunately, the baby was stillborn, and she perished soon after.”

“She’s was a child! You monsters! You fucking murderers!” The kettled rage explodes inside of me, and I rush toward him. Breath explodes from my throat, where his palm slams into my gullet, and rigid stone crashes into my spine, as I fall back against the wall of rock behind me.

“That’s the difference between you two. She didn’t behave like a savage.” Fingers digging into my throat, he squeezes harder, and head woozy with the lack of oxygen, I watch objects float before my eyes.

“Go to hell,” I say past clenched teeth.

Knuckles crack against my cheekbone, sending pain up through my sinuses in a smack I didn’t see coming. “You’re nothing but a weak girl. Pathetic. Should’ve been you who took that bullet, and the world would be a better place for it.”

An ache throbs in my jaw, and I blink away the blur of tears. “Maybe so. But you’ve forgotten something, Doctor. I’m protected by three of the most powerful Alphas in the world.”

Grin stretched across his face, he glances over his shoulder, prompting laughter from the soldiers behind him, before returning his gaze to me. “You’re protected by nothing now.”

Slow and subtle, I nod toward Cadmus, who stands behind him in false allegiance, and in the next breath, the doctor’s arm is torn from its socket with the wet sound of meat ripping from bones. As easily as plucking the stem from a rotted piece of fruit.

On a wail of agony, the doctor’s body crumples to the ground before me, where he writhes in a pool of his own blood. His arm lies off to the side of him, mocking his futile attempt to reach out for it.

“Tell me again how weak I am.”

By the time I set my attention back on Cadmus, he’s already killed three of the five Legion soldiers--some stabbed with their spears, some whose heads lie discarded on the ground. I watch as he drives the spear up into the belly of one of the soldiers. The man stands still for a moment, teetering on his feet, before organs spill out onto the dirt below him, and he collapses.

As Cadmus approaches the last, I lurch toward them. “Wait.” Stepping over Doctor Tims, still moaning and squirming like a worm trapped beneath the hook, I pad toward the soldier. I catch the tremble of his body, and the terror in his eyes, the quick pants of breath that tell me he fears death as much as all of us. “He’ll take us to Valdys. He’ll get us inside. And if he fails, he will suffer more than anyone.”

Thoughts of Valdys, and the tortures he’ll inevitably face when he returns there, springs new tears to my eyes. A hole as vacuous as my hopes while trapped in that place burns inside my chest, as I reach down for the knife clipped to the soldier’s belt. I imagine the blades tearing into Valdys without mercy. The chains biting into his skin to hold him down.

I make my way over to where Doctor Tims crawls on one good arm, as if he has any chance of getting away. Setting my foot on his bloody stump, I watch him fall to his back, his cries bouncing through the canyons. “I remember one thing during my suffering. How the pain felt like knives digging into my stomach. It’s hard to believe Neela endured days of it. Perhaps, if you knew how it felt, you wouldn’t stand to watch it, either.”

I kneel down beside him and shove the blade into his stomach.

Another scream follows.

With a crank of my wrist, I twist the blade inside his gut, and he curls into himself, helpless to stop the pain. As helpless as Neela must’ve felt while strapped to that bed.

“I can see why you were so cruel.” My lips twitch with a tearful smile, as it occurs to me, staring down at his gaping lips and shocked expression, how one can take pleasure from watching another suffer. “I understand now.”

CHAPTER 35

I sit between the two Alphas, as Titus drives through the desert, along the same, familiar route we took to get to paradise. I should’ve known better. Paradise is an illusion in our world, a mirage, one in which only fools and the truly delirious trust. How ridiculous to think something so beautiful, so untouched, would be safe from the hands that seek to destroy. The same hands that tore children from mothers. Husbands from wives. Life from the living. I know now what it feels like, to fear something so much that you need to destroy it.

The truck jars us over rough terrain, and I glance toward the back, where we’ve stored the Legion soldier inside one of the silver boxes. Beside me, Cadmus rubs his knuckles, still stained in blood, as he stares out the broken window beside him.

The idea of being so close to freedom, so close to bliss, is unsettling as we drive in the opposite direction to it. Perhaps we’ve come the closest of anyone in this world. And maybe God saw fit to intervene for our sins.

I wish I could believe in something so righteous, but then I’d have to believe that the place from which we escaped was created by God’s will. That our disease-infected world is nothing more than the scope of his wrath.

And I can’t think of any reason, God, or man, that one could be so cruel and unforgiving.

I think about Valdys being sent down to those tunnels, in a barbarous attempt to punish him for escaping, and I know I would follow him. I couldn’t leave him there alone. I’d walk through hell to find him.

Dusk settles over the desert, as Titus turns the truck into the lot of a dilapidated building.

“We need to conserve some of the gas,” he says, turning the engine off. “For after.”

“And if there is no after?” I ask.

He sits thoughtful for a moment then tugs the key from the ignition. “Its an hour by foot. We’ll meet back here,” he says, ignoring my question.

The three of us climb out of the truck and open the silver cage in the back, where the soldier is still trembling. From the supply box, I nab binoculars, water, and one of the few guns we swiped from the fallen soldiers, while Titus prods the soldier out of the back of the vehicle.

With fresh provisions, we begin our trek back toward Calico.

Back to the mouth of hell.

A tall slope of a hill provides cover, as we lie in the sand, binoculars directed toward the entrance of the hospital, where soldiers bustle about in a frenzy.

I pass the binoculars to Cadmus. “What’s going on?”

There’s no sign of Valdys, and my guess is, they’ve already dragged him back inside, but the commotion of movement below suggests the soldiers are preparing for something. I turn toward the soldier, who sits tied and gagged next to Titus.

“Do you know what’s going on down there?”

He gives a frantic shake of his head, and I remove the fabric that’s stuffed inside his mouth, pointing toward what looks like an anthill on fire.

“An attack, maybe? W-w-we’ve had … word of attack. From the r-r-rebels.”

Taking the binoculars once more, I scan over the soldiers who appear to be gathering supplies, carrying guns and ammunition, as if what he’s said is true.

Relief pulses through me on a burst of laughter. “They’re nervous. Look at them. Scampering around. They’re afraid of something.” And if they are, they’ll undoubtedly use whatever means of protection they can. Including Valdys. “We have to get him out of there.”

“They’ll capture you and throw you in the cells, the moment you get close.” There’s a somber tone to Titus’s voice, as he stares off toward the unrest going on below. “It’s better to wait.”

“The longer we wait, the faster they throw him in those tunnels to die!” The urgency beating through my muscles fails to hide the tears I fought to hold back the entire trek here. “I won’t let him die down there alone. I won’t leave him.” A sob tugs at my throat, itching to break free, but I swallow it back. “I will die a thousand times.”

Titus lowers his gaze, remorse etched into his frown. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to--”

A siren that reminds me of the silver boxes opening, but louder, snaps my attention back toward the entrance of the hospital. From this distance, I can hear the robotic voice of the woman, blaring through the grounds below us, but I can’t make out what she’s saying.

“What’s happening?” I turn toward the soldier, who looks on without the binoculars, his face growing pale. “What’s going on?”

“My brother … my brother is in there.”

The look in his eyes, wide with horror, and the rapid rise and fall of this chest shoots a stab of dread through the pit of my stomach.

“What. Is. Happening?” My voice cracks, as my attention flits from his face to the commotion.

“Security breach. I have to … I have to go. I have to go help him.” He lurches forward, but Cadmus pushes him back.

“What does that mean? What’s happening?”

“The doors will be sealed shut. Nothing will get in, or out, when they do.”

“We can get in through another entrance. On the dock.”

His attention breaks, and when he stares back at me, his eyes are brimming with tears. “All doors will be sealed. It’s a security measure to keep the mutations from getting out.”

I swing my gaze back toward the hospital, and the moment I wordlessly scramble forward, I’m yanked back. “Let me go!” I kick out at Titus, who reaches for my other ankle. My foot makes contact, but to no avail.

The Alpha wrangles my leg and pulls me backward. “Calithea! Look!” he growls, handing me the binoculars, while holding me against the sand.

Hands trembling, I direct the binoculars toward the entrance, where mutations and Alphas pour out of the silver doors. The dark sky lights up with flashes of gunfire and whatever larger ammunition they’ve resorted to, as soldiers scramble to keep the creatures contained. The door begins to slide together, and panic rises to my throat, pounding inside my ears.

The soldier beside me screams, but it’s all muted for the view in front of me. The flames reflecting off the silver door. The chaos. The unsettling feeling that I may never look into those stormy gray eyes again. That I may never run my fingers over his warm, scarred skin. Or hear his heart beating in time to mine.

Sobs rip through my chest, as I watch two figures emerge, a man carrying a woman draped in his arms, but it’s not Valdys. The moment they step through the doors, it closes.

A foreign sound tears through my body, the kind of agonizing pitch I’ve never heard before, and Titus gathers me into his arms, holding me against him as I expel this wretched misery.

“Valdys!” I claw and punch at the Alpha, fighting to break free of him. “Let me go to him! Let me go!”

The moment he releases me, I run toward the chaos, the arid desert heat burning in my chest.

An explosion sends me crashing into the dirt, rattling the ground beneath me. Gusts of flames climb the darkness toward the sky, over the screams of the men below. Weak with defeat and anguish, I push to my knees and watch through tears, as my world burns down around me.

Off in the distance, the couple from below run through a minefield of explosions, with Ragers and Alphas on their heels.

Toward an awaiting truck.

The tarp flies back as they climb onto the bed of it, and I catch sight of familiar faces. Two of the girls from my barracks. And Kenny, Roz’s Kenny, escaping with them.

They drive off from the Ragers, who chase behind their truck, and my gaze falls on the entrance once more. In my periphery I watch the Ragers turn their attention on me, but I don’t move. I don’t run. Instead, I keep my eyes ahead and wait for them to tear the rest of me apart.

The infected only get within a few feet of me, swiping out their mangled hands and gnashing their teeth, but fail to breach the protective halo of Cadmus and Titus. I’m too exhausted to understand why they don’t attack with the two of them at either side of me, but as more of them circle around us, keeping their distance from where I sit beside the soldier, I begin to care less for what might happen if they manage to break through and drag me away.

Nothing could be more painful than watching those doors seal shut.

Nothing could be more agonizing than hearing the sound of my heart dying inside my chest.

CHAPTER 36

I step through the rubble and ash scattered in front of the silver doors, which seem to grow bigger as I approach. Aside from a few Ragers that feed on the bodies of the dead, there is no other sign of life in these ruins.

Smoke rises, where fires burned and blazed through the night, while I mindlessly watched through the growls and clicks of the surrounding, angry Ragers, until Titus and Cadmus fought them off. The scent of burned flesh and gunfire clings to the air, as I step over halfeaten carcasses and debris. When I finally reach the doors, my whole body is trembling, and I stare up the length of the impossible barrier, where not a single crack allows me any hope of breaking through.

Reaching out a hand, I feel the heat of the morning sun blazing off the steel, and the moment my fingertips make contact, I let the burn remind me that it isn’t only a nightmare. I rest my cheek against the back of my palm. Against the tomb wherein my beloved Valdys lies trapped. “Versimilitude,” I whisper, and close my eyes to the tears. In the quiet that follows, I listen for Valdys on the other side, as if I might hear him calling to me from in there. As if there’s any chance he might know I’m here.

I’m here!

There’s nothing.

No evidence that there’s any more life on the other side than here, like two empty halves divided by one barrier.

“Valdys.” The sound of his name on my tongue is a bittersweet song of pain and love, and I realize how the two have become one and the same for me. Everything I’ve loved has been shadowed by pain, as if one can’t possibly exist without the other.

My mind drifts to days past, when I sat in his cell, terrified of him and convinced there was no chance of knowing what it felt like to be in his care. To be protected by him. Tormenting memories of his hands on my body, and the steady beat of his heart against my ear, taunt my already broken heart.

I wish I could rewind to the moments yesterday evening, when he kissed me before leaving. I would’ve told him then to stay with me. I would’ve begged him to leave that illusory paradise, and we might’ve been lying under the stars one more night. But time and love are criminals who spare no one--not even the most desiring. Time is the thief who comes in the night, silently chipping away at the present.

And love is the killer of hearts.

A nudge at my side is Cadmus carrying a narrow piece of metal debris, and I step back to allow him a moment to run his hands over the surface in search of a chink--one small fissure in the door.

“You won’t open it.” The soldier’s voice is somber, still affected by the tears he cried most of the night for his younger brother. “It’s designed not to open. In training, they tell us … if ever there’s a security breach, be grateful you happen to be standing on the other side, because if you’re not, you’re likely already dead.” His voice cracks, and he lowers his head, wiping at his swollen eyes.

“There has to be a way in. There has to be.”

Shaking his head, he sniffs. “Nope. Computer shuts down inside. It’s failsafe.”

“Computers control the doors?”

“Shut down. Like I said.”

“But a computer can be turned back on. I saw it happen the night we escaped. It came back on.”

“Someone has to turn it on. From the inside. Kinda hard to do when there’s no way in.”

Cadmus slams the metal into the door, over and over again, until the scrap is bent and twisted into a shape that’s no longer what it was.

“Doesn’t matter, anyway.” The soldier tosses away a small twig he’s used to draw circles in the ash for the last half-hour. “They’re all dead.”

Pain pushes through the blackness inside me, and I fall to my knees in front of him, gripping his shirt. “They’re not dead! Do you hear me? They’re not dead! I’m going to find a way in! And if you don’t shut your damn mouth, I’ll seal it shut like this goddamn door!”

Eyes wide, he holds his face away from mine, staring back at me as if I’ve lost my mind. Perhaps he thinks I’m nothing but a stupid savage, but I don’t care. Releasing his shirt, I push off him, to my feet, and back away. “I saw Kenny on that truck. If there’s one person in the place who knows the computer system well, it’s him.”

“The rebels are probably long gone by now.”

“Maybe they are. And we’ll search this entire desert, and beyond it, until we find them. However long it takes. I won’t stop until we open these doors.”

“There’s a community on the other side of that wall, Cali. Maybe a chance for you to start over.” Cadmus doesn’t turn to face me, as he tosses the bent and twisted metal to the ground. “You could be chasing after nothing. He might very well be dead by now.”

Through more tears, I shake my head, and it’s only the pain bleeding through Cadmus’s words that keeps me from taking my frustrations out on him.

“I want to see for myself. I promised him I’d never leave him behind, Cadmus. And I won’t.”

A clamor from comes from behind, as Titus tears the head off a Rager stumbling toward us.

Swinging my attention back to Cadmus, I tighten my jaw, resolute with the new plan coming into clear focus. “We find the rebels. We find Kenny. And we kill anyone who tries to get in our way.”

Looking over his shoulder, Cadmus nods. “We’ll find him.”

What little hope is left in me shines bright enough to give me the courage to face whatever possibilities lie ahead. It gives me reason to wake in the morning, when I know reality will only tear me apart.

It gives me direction when the world has spun me out of control.

And I pray, in the end, it’ll give me the strength to endure, if I fail.

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Kings of Carrion, the sequel to Calico Descending, will be available December 3rd, 2019!

In the meantime, keep scrolling to check out my other stories.

Thank you for reading.

COMING DECEMBER 3RD, 2019

PRE-ORDER BOOK THREE

NOTE: This title will be available on all platforms only until December 10th.

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OTHER BOOKS BY KERI LAKE

VIGILANTES SERIES

RICOCHET

BACKFIRE

INTREPID

BALLISTIC

JUNIPER UNRAVELING SERIES

JUNIPER UNRAVELING

CALICO DESCENDING

KINGS OF CARRION

SONS OF WRATH SERIES

SOUL AVENGED

SOUL RESURRECTED

SOUL ENSLAVED

SOUL REDEEMED

THE FALLEN (A SONS OF WRATH SPINOFF)

THE SANDMAN DUET

NOCTURNES & NIGHTMARES

REQUIEM & REVERIE

STANDALONES

RIPPLE EFFECT

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Keri Lake is a dark romance writer who specializes in demon wrangling, vengeance dealing and wicked twists. Her stories are gritty, with antiheroes that walk the line of good and bad, and feisty heroines who bring them to their knees. When not penning books, she enjoys spending time with her husband, daughters, and their rebellious Labrador (who doesn’t retrieve a damn thing). She runs on strong coffee and alternative music, loves a good red wine, and has a slight addiction to dark chocolate.

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